The Dick Show - Episode 50 - Dick on Fighting

Episode Date: May 16, 2017

The Vietnamese man who taught me how to fight, Sean's wedding story, the redaction of a lifetime, false HR complaints, Twitch addiction, Sean's last fist fight, Asterios' Butterbean training regimen, Uber pools, Reverend Scott, compliance, phone calls with dogs, my man is moving to Abu Dhabi, Don't Legalize It, Van Halen, The Goss Squad, Fool's Liquor Round 2, sharing, crying, and like ten hours of podcasting; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! You're welcome to dick! You want to dick, you need dick, you love dick, you got it! It's the only show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker in the city of failure. I am your host dick, Masters, and with me is always a shun. Hello, dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Big day. Is it 50 episodes, dude?

Oh, that big day. 50 fucking episodes to help us celebrate. A quick that went. Did go fast. I know. Oh, that big day. 50 fucking episodes to help us celebrate. Quick that went. Did go. I know. Oh, my God. It went man. It from from the Surnavitch episode to now feels like a blur. When was Surnavitch? I'll see you in the first 10. A blur of the teens. Like a big whirlwind of he was 18. No, no, he was 19. Oh, because Surnavitch came on to give me legal advice.

Surnavitch, out of the kindness of his heart, came on this show to give me legal advice with my, with my defamation case. Yeah. And every, and Reddit shit all over him. I'm so rude. So, for no reason. Reddit and the stereo's coconut shirt all over. Absolutely no reason.

He taught me that awesome new phrase, going oink-a-boink-a on a girl's titties. With us today is the unexpected guess. You say that? Yeah, that's how we describe sexual assault. Hey, it's a stereo's coconut. How you doing? Hey, what's up, buddy?

I haven't seen you since the live show. I know, it's been, but that's been less than a month. After which he disappeared. I was looking around, I was like, where is that loud voice? Oh, that's right. I literally, you disappeared after the live show. After you ripped, like it was your moment, you tore your pants off, you had 400 people singing the

Santa, the worst, the worst designed Santa Chuck sing along ever done with the words appearing like like a speedrun for Mario maker like he did move them up to the top because they were at the bottom Behind our chairs at first so at Philly Road rage We projected a stereosis movie which was the Santa Cuck sing along of projected a stereosis movie, which was the Santa Cux sing along of Maddox's jingle, jingle, jingle. And when we played it, the words were at the very bottom. So it was just, it was lighting the words were on the chairs. So he said, do it again.

Yeah. Move it to the top and let's do it again so we can see the words. But then when we get the words back, it was words flashing the instant they're supposed to be sung. So it was like, it was like physically, biologically impossible for you to see the word, process it, hook it up with the melody that you know your whole life and then start singing. It's already 400 nanoseconds passed. Like it's, you're late.

You're late. Everybody, everybody who's, and everyone's drunk, already drunk. Yeah. To top it off, our roast master did not know the words to his own song. Well, look, in my defense, I did not write those words. So I don't know why I'm supposed to know them. Sam paper wrote them.

Also, what if you guys designed a lot of single long videos in your time? It's my first ever single long video. So I didn't nail it out of the gate. So sorry. And I never will, which is why I can always make fun of this. No, I'll get it. Never try. No, don't try.

No. Once you start making fun of something, you can never try to do it. You can, like, the second you start, you're like, oh, you fucked it up too, and you saw me fuck up. Yeah, you're really fucking idiot. Real fucking asshole. Cause that you can never criticize again. Didn't Roger Ebert and that's try to make a movie.

You got to criticize me on the ball ever. The dolls. Exactly. Yeah. Did it was getting good? No. It was Roger Corbin picture. It's like a soft corporno.

Then he wrote and it wasn't good. But it was he wouldn't have given it thumbs up, let's say. Although someone's thumb did go up someone in that movie. But long story short, I've learned how to make a bouncing Maddox head. So the next time we do it, there will be a bouncing ball and it will be George's head. All right. Well, where did you go? You disappeared.

I had to finish my taxes. None of that was a joke. I had until 3 a.m. Cause midnight, California time to get my extension in, cause I hadn't received some paperwork I needed until like the week of. Right. And I was busy writing things and doing things

and finding a Santa costume and all this shit. What kind of comedian are you that you would forego attention for financial planning? Yeah, I don't believe you. I think you would, I think this is a convenient excuse. You literally saw the taxes on my computer. Little too well adjusted. Little too well adjusted for me.

Anyway. All of a sudden he's got a Patreon and a biweekly podcast. A biweekly podcast. I was just kind of bound. I was like, God, Stereo also be hangingweekly podcast. I'm a biweekly podcast. I was just kind of bummed I was like, God, a stereo's gonna be hanging out afterward too. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

There was like hundreds of people there. I'm sorry. And you are in the back doing math. I was. Like, filling out forms. I'm not still the guy. You can add up. No, it doesn't.

I'm not kidding. I will. Well, I actually, but I believe him. Of course you do. Why would I make this up? Why would I make this? You don't think I want to go party? I took the next day off work so I could get so goddamn drunk. You get so high on taxes I'm literally in a hotel room like my girlfriend's like command. You had a great show come to bed

I'm like I can't join my fucking join my fucking taxes Exactly I don't even got to afford this hotel room. I got to get this done Also dick's paying for this hotel room. I got to get this done. Also dick's paying for this hotel room, but still wasn't worth it. Did you get your taxes done? I got the extension in. So now I have to finish my taxes by October. But next live show, I'm going out all night. Okay. Good. Good. Good. I think we're doing Portlander. I want to do Portland and Chicago as a combo and double. Double shot, like one after the other. Just get up to Portland, get over Chicago.

So it's great. Let's do it. Yeah. So come to both of those. I'm coming. Jamie Lynn Hughes, you know, said afterwards, like, well, you could have given a little lead time with the words on your sing along. But then again, it wouldn't be the pants stumbling, pants

falling off truck and shit show. If that like, that was the, the, the correct media file was the brown M&Ms of the show, like how Metallica would use to have like only brown M&Ms in their writer. I can give you the real story. Well, we all know it's Van Halen, by the way. Oh, it's Van Halen. Yeah. So if they showed up and there wasn't the Brown M&Ms, they would say, oh, well, we have no idea what's been fucked up on the right. They said no. Yeah, they said no Brown or Green M&Ms. And it was because, yeah, because they had a revolutionary stage show,

there were three moving parts, there are pyrotechnics, all this kind of stuff, really dangerous shit that could be millions of millions of dollars. Very similar to Santa Chuck. Yes. The writer. So yes, if that was ignored in the writer, then they thought, fuck, what else might not have been? Yeah.

So anyway. Can you believe those $25 pants wouldn't stay up? I couldn't believe it. You can't plan stuff like that. I found a $25 Santa Claus costume. And the pants were literally made out of felt, and they could not stop falling down. And when I tried to tear them,

they fell apart so easily. But why didn't you find out that the pants were gonna fall down before you came on stage? I kept tying them up, but I'm not good at knots. Okay. We got a big, we got a big episode today. Because you're a pretty pretty. Exactly.

Today, episode 50, come on. Episode 50, we got a lot of special calls, a lot of special audio bits that people send in. Reverend Scott sent one in, the phone losers sent in a prank call. I said, we're getting a lot of prank calls, dude. Awesome. My fan to see, I love prank calls more than anything else.

They're so fun, yeah. Yeah, I'm getting a bunch of those sent in. So I'm gonna be playing the phone losers later today. And we got to talk about the fight. Obviously. Astario's coconut versus war of the fan. Astario's the sneaky Greek, the minotion bull, the raging Greek bull, who will unleash a can of austerity all over you. We'll send you into a lab room for pain. Served of believe in austerity, not liberals. Liberals believe in more government spending. Conservatives use austerity anyway.

We got to talk about that. Are you really gonna fight this guy? Yes, obviously, I'm really going, do you see the hat I'm wearing? This is a mix. This is a boxer's cap. I've seen them in movies. It's a trainer's cap. I don't know what I think Rocky I'm wearing it. I went out, I bought just Nick. This is a boxer's cap. I've seen them in movies. It's a trainer's cap.

I don't know what, I did Rocky, I'm wearing it. I went out, I bought the hat. You got more than cosplay though. It's clearly serious. I feel like I was actually fighting a guy. This isn't like dressing up for Comic Con. If you're, if you're not for Comic Con, it's deadly serious.

I didn't expect it from a harder than fighting a guy. Here, look, let me lay this out for you real quick. And do you want to talk, but this now or later, I do want like probably harder than fighting. Here. Look, let me lay this out for you real quick. Okay. Do you want to talk about this now or later? I want to talk about later. I want to talk about it later. I don't want to get too deep into it because we like to start with a rage here. It's because there's a very strict format for the show. 30 minutes of rage, 30 minutes of bits and jokes and then 30 minutes of bullshit. Yes, the secret formula that has kept the show alive for 50 episodes plus 10 episodes huge. We got a big day today because we're doing a bonus episode right after this, where I have

got a talk about a nuclear, the nuclear gospel. Oh my God. I, I teased it at the, at the Philly show. Oh, only only because of hysteria. So I wouldn't have even remembered the nuclear gas bomb. So no, no, I know what you're talking about. Um, but it's, it's already I have the nuclear gas bomb. And it was supposed to be a deterrent and it's supposed, it was supposed to be the, my doctor strange, lovey and armageddon, the mutually assured destruction, the war to end all war.

And it's already been fucking triggered. And I will tell you this, I don't want, I'm not gonna talk about it this episode because a lot of people don't like a bunch of goss in the regular episode. So I'm gonna talk about it in the bonus episode where people seem to like it more, but this happened this week.

Just gonna mention it, we'll talk about it in the bonus episode. 80s girl got called into HR again this week, not again. She got called into what are you talking about again? Because people were always fucking with, well, look, here's what I've heard. Here's what I've heard. Here's what I've heard.

That 80s girl has had to go to people that her employment to tell them there are these turds orbiting me and they're fucking with me. I've heard that she's had conversation. Yeah, so this happened. She was called in under, you know, nobody wants that call. And they never, it's like a we need to talk, but for work. Right. They never, they never help you out. Like they never give you the, hey, it's about this, even though, even though it wouldn't cost them anything, like their program, not to, it's like you go by this, you do not tell them anything. We need to, it's like a doctor who won't give you your, any inkling of your test results over the phone. Yeah, why? Just give me, give me a taste. Exactly. Like don't call, if I go get an STD test,

don't leave a message and say, call us back. Like, give me a fucking, give me a hint, or something like, maybe sound a little happier than normal if the answer is good, right? Like, hey, give us a call back. Can't wait to talk to you. So then I say, oh, I know that's not AIDS because no one could can't wait to talk to me.

Give me something, be a human being and give me something. Do you know what I mean? Lawyers, it's always because of the lawyers. Why? Why? It's casual and flinching of emotional distress. Look, whatever, their assholes, they're all fucking assholes. At least make, it's least say like it begins with a G

and rhymes with Ranaria. Like make it funny, give some clues or something. Send me a word, jumpal. Send me on a national treasure style. If it's bad, send me on a quest. So at least I think I figure, at least I get the feeling that I figured out a puzzle when I find out I have gonorrhea or chlamydia.

Right, at least send me on a, anyway. She gets called into the office. Apparently someone called and filed a complaint against her. She's a teacher, so that's hugely serious. I mentioned that at road rage. File the complaint that same person had been calling multiple, multiple schools to file the same complaint. And I saw against different teachers. No, just against her, just against 80s girl. multiple, multiple schools to file the same complaint.

And I saw... Against different teachers. No, just against her, just against 80s girl. But had been calling multiple schools, multiple schools that were in a similar, like multiple of the same name schools. Trying to find her. Yeah, and reporting her, because there's like,

Oh, she took, okay, the schools are connected. I got it. Like the schools are the schools. It's like one business and it's a school's underneath. I got it. The schools are, it's one business, and it's a school's under it. They've been filing complaints up and down, up and down the chain. And I saw the redacted transcript of the complaint. Thank God, long time ago, when things started to turn shitty

in this podcast rivalry, she nipped it in the bud, she went ahead, she got in front of it and said, hey, just want you guys to know that these people are talking about coming for my job, because they did it for, they did it to my boyfriend, they've done it to a bunch of other people involved in the show. This is what, I just wanna let you guys know

so you're not surprised. They've done it to me three times. To you. Yes, I have, I've talked to, I just, I wanna talk about know, so you're not surprised. They've done it to me three times. To you. Yes, I have, I've talked, I just, I want to talk about this on the bonus episode. I'm sorry. Well, but I just want to say that I've looked at the transcript

of the complaint. It's, it's standard questions. Are you a parent? No. Do you, are you involved in any way? No. And the person went on a outlandish rant about just making stuff up. Like, oh, she's shouldn't be around because she's crazy.

Like all these, it's a danger you're endangering your students have. And they're like, well, what do you, like, what do you have? What's your connection? What's your, yeah. And she says, well, she's like part of this group that's been harassing me and my boyfriend. So the operator goes, well, what's your name? Doesn't want to give it.

What's your name and how can we contact you with follow-up questions? And what I saw, the transcript I saw, was Jessica redacted, redacted. So I think it's time for the nuclear gas bomb, which we'll be talking about in the bonus episode. But I don't wanna drag this one down. I just wanna mention it, because that's where we're at right now.

That's where we're fucking at, where we are in a world where people cannot protect you from assholes. But I happen to know how to turn that into a house. That's it. That's all it. That's all I want to say about it. Now, you want to add something, Assyria? It's very, it's making me, it's really been fucking pissing me off this week. It's been pissing everybody off because you can't stop it. Yeah. There's nothing you can do to stop somebody from fucking you over.

And once it's out there, it's on the person to attempt to undo it. Yeah, and the lengths that you have to go through, to go through the system that is not designed to protect you. There is nobody, there's nobody out there. This is the fact, the sad fact of the world is that all of these cops to protect and serve, it is a fucking illusion.

Because when you're getting fucked with, nobody is there for you. Nobody. Happen to me, happening to her, happening to Asterios, but I'm gonna try my damnedest to turn it into something, to turn it into something.

To turn it into something. So we're talking about it in the bonus episode. Go ahead, what do you wanna say? The only thing I was gonna say is this, there is absolutely no hyperbole at work here. This is absolutely happening. People are absolutely going after our jobs. Multiple times.

I know that people have contacted people that you work with. Three of us, this isn't a joke, this isn't being played up for podcast drama, this is a serious fucking thing. And if you don't believe us, go fuck yourself. Let's have some fun. Well, yeah, let's have some fun. We'll talk about it later.

Here's just making me a rage this week. Does anybody else have? I don't even know what to call it. It's like a spot on your leg that constantly itches, but it like never heals. Is this a, is this like a, I don't mean to be like the gross kid in class, but I swear to God from sliding so much in

baseball and doing so many fucking sports, I've got this spot on my knee, like the front side of my knee that is this just it just constantly sometimes like a exima. I don't know what it is, but it's driving me insane. Like it's like the strawberry that just won't go away from baseball. And I don't know, I don't know if this is, I'm sitting there like trying to ignore it. I'm sitting at wearing jeans, trying to ignore this thing like every once in a while,

giving it a little scratch and I'm thinking, is this like the, is this like some kind of stigmata from having played sports in school that now I got this goddamn never ending, ever lasting strawberry on my knee for the rest of my life that won't fucking go away. Like, I hammer, like a splinter. And it's been going on forever.

It's been going on forever. Does anybody else have this? Am I crazy? I don't have that. Well, listen, I never played sports and I don't have it, she needs, which confirms your theory. Yeah, this is a sportsman's theory.

I think it is. I think it is a sportsman's injury. Speaking of sports, I got really sucked into Twitch this week. Yeah, you did. You know what this is? Well, I know what Twitch is. Yeah.

Are you sure? Have you ever watched it? Yeah. I've watched it over here. It's the most addictive shit on the planet. Man. It's the most addictive got like, I will sit there. I have been sitting, I can't stop watching it now.

I can't stop watching these like face, these guys who are just sitting there like mannequins playing the most impossible, ridiculous Mario games courses the most impossible, ridiculous Mario games courses, like playing it obsessively, like an insane asylum. I just, I can't walk, I can't look away. I just have to have this goddamn thing on all week. It's driving me fucking crazy. I got sucked into Twitch.

If you have not, if you're not on it, don't get on it. Not going to. You can't, Sean, you can't get a worry. Don't worry. It's so hard about what I do. It's so all of my problems. Like, I'm, instead of sitting there now, instead of sitting there looking to, like, for a video game

that I'm gonna pretend to play for, that I'm gonna spend 50 bucks, play it for three hours, realize it sucks, and then never go back to it. Oh, I do, is, get on it. I hit the magic button, and I'm just watching people play watching someone else fuck up like watching a guy fail for the most frustrating part of these that that one level you can't fucking play and then you can judge him and criticize it because you didn't do it. Yeah. Fuck you. You're not going to try. It's great. It's the best part. Yeah. Bring a full circle. It's the weirdest fucking thing ever. If all those, like if the NFL's ratings are dropping,

and MLB's ratings are dropping, and they're just noticing it now, they are fucked. Because I'm watching that thing, and the only reason, like I've tried to jump around games on it. The only reason I stay so hooked is because I know exactly what it's like to play that good of Amario. You know what I mean? And everybody's growing up with that shared experience

as a kid. Like they don't know, I know how to play Amario like the back of my hand. I know sports, I played a lot of sports and it's like a little bit. Like I got to kind of jog my memory on the rules a little bit, but if they're if they're worried about ratings dropping now, it's fucking done because that is so addicting just sitting there and watching this game.

They're turning it in like they're having I'm watching two assholes race on a Zelda on competing Zelda games and they can't play with the sword. It's a no swords version. You're not allowed to grab the sword from the old man. You have to find a way to beat Zelda without using your sword and two people are doing it simultaneously and competitively. And I get it instantly, like I'm instantly hooked on this fucking thing, but right when I turn the volume up, what do I hear? The most boring announcer on the goddamn planet, which is the same problem in sports.

The driest, the most, the guy with absolutely no fucking insight into the game, just repeating shit that he's saying on the screen. Drives me fucking, I'm sitting there going, you got a whole planet full of comedians, and you got the driest fucking, you like it's it's like you got Joe Buck It's everybody pretending to be Joe Buck to make this sound like a professional e-sports, which it is not like As soon as I turn at the volume like you gotta be fucking kidding me You already got into you already infected this with boredom. You already infected this brand new thing

with this milk toast watered down in offensive. Check your own internet. You could say whatever you want. And you're saying this, get the fuck outta here. It's gonna be something. They want legitimacy. That's the problem with it. They should do what poker does.

Because in poker, you have a color commentator or two. My buddy, Joe Stapleton, he gets paid to fly around the world and make jokes at poker tournaments. They have a color commentator or two by buddy Joe Stapleton. He's in a mate. He gets paid to fly around the world and make jokes at poker tournaments. They have a funny guy in poker. That's what they need for esports. These esports people they want to be taken seriously. Oh, we have esports scholarships. Oh, we have this.

Oh, the world finals of StarCraft are happening in Korea and there's big money in sponsorships. Well, yeah, but you also need to be entertaining. Bob Yuker is so entertaining that he was a fucking Webster That's how entertaining Bob Yuka was Bob Yuka was so entertaining that he was in major league and to sitcom You got to find entertaining people. Yeah, it is absolutely right. You should be a fucking color commentator sitting there What that's exactly what I want to be like I wanted so first of all I'm sitting there thinking where the fuck was this when I was in high school Mm-hmm. Yes. This is all we did man. It's like where these people are shun

These people's tracker of how much money they're making is spinning like the national debt like just Bing Bing Bing people throwing money at somebody obsessively playing a video game, not even talking, not even fucking talking. Like I'm sitting there going, where the, this is all we did. This was my entire teenage life. You're telling me we could have set up a webcam and that, like, and we missed it by like 15 years. You've still got time because here's what you've got

that these people don't know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We have some don't even start with me. No, no, no. What the fuck are you talking about? Too late. The last night I pitched a series to Dick called Dick beats his girlfriend.

And the idea is that Dick and 80s girl will twitch off someone. And he will just fucking annihilate her video games and she will rage, quit and flip the fuck out. It's just a half hour of dick triggering his girlfriend on Twitch, dick beats his girlfriend. I love this idea. Sean, oh by the way, not Webster, Mr. Belvedere.

Sorry, Bob Yuka was on Mr. Belvedere. We were all, yeah, that was Alex Caros, the football player was on Webster. Right, because Alex Caros was Greek and the in Webster, but in America, George, George Poblinapolis, that's why he called it Poblin. Yes, and he was, Alex Caros, was Mungo in a blazing settles. Yes, exactly. Do you have like a hall of heroes for Greek? Yeah, and guess where to caucuses number one, buddy

I'm still deciding on whether or not I want my boxing jacket to read the sneaky Greek or Or do caucus like a stereos do caucus coconose or a stereos the sneaky Greek cocos Not sure it's gonna be a my satin box jacket. Yeah, this is how for by the way Do I have a 20 year-end? No, I don't. No, I don't. I'm not saying. Wait a minute.

You got the hat. You got the hat. You're designing your, your robe. I have my walk out music. I have my walk out. It's going to be jingle George. Cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck. War of the fanboys is a cuck.

It's going to be great. What about the train? Why what else is missing? Wait, what about the Tronding? Tronding? Yeah. You've been like playing watching Trond? I love watching Trond.

Well, it is the best. Rinsler. Later, he becomes Trond. I'm sorry, what were you saying? We've been talking and you've been talking. You've said that you are not gonna train for this fight on purpose. Trond, it's funnier.

Trump didn't train, and now he's president. Here's my plan. No, I'm absolutely not gonna train. I don't need to train to beat some anonymous keyboard warrior out of bubble fuck wherever the fuck. I'm gonna get, my plan is to use this opportunity to gain all the weight I've wanted to in my life.

Do you have a heart of this to maintain 230? It's real hard. What do you mean? To maintain 230 pounds? To keep it up at the level you're at? No, to keep it down to 230. I have to limit my calorie intake to 3,300 calories a day.

But now? That's true. 3,000. Absolutely. You should see my calorie log. Well, this is gonna be like Michael Phelps, but the opposite. That's how Asterios trained for this fight.

I'm taking the part about the Michael Phelps thing I like. My plan is this, become 400 pounds and become unmovable. This guy, I get the sense that he's probably some little stick son of a bitch. So what? I've seen him. I know his stats. I have not seen him, and don't know his dad's.

And you know what, here's what I've done. Accepted a boxing match from a guy where I don't know what he looks like. I don't know what his name is. I don't know where he lives. I don't know anything about the guy. This guy knows everything about me, but I'm gonna fight him and I'm gonna win.

And I'm gonna be 400 pounds. No, you're not butterbein though. You have to train. Butterbein, you have to have to. Butterbein, you, you're not butterbeen though. You have to train. Butterbeen, you have to have to. Butterbeen are two, motherfucker. You have to train. Why? Because you're gonna get, you guys are gonna,

if you don't train, you're gonna get out there and dance for about 20 seconds and then you're both gonna fall over dead. You're both gonna be too winded to throw a punch. You think I can last 20 seconds really? Thank you so much, Dick. I think you need, I think you seriously need to train. You seriously need to train for this boxing fight

if it's gonna happen. Whatever, look, I'm gonna get huge. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm thinking 400 pounds, that's my goal. If I make it to 35375, look, you shoot for the moon, if you hit one of the stars, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna get in there. This guy's not gonna get with to reach me

with his tiny little internet, dreddit or fists. What? I feel like this strategy is King Hippo bass. Yes. I feel like it's video game bass. Well his pants do fall down. Ha ha ha, they do. Oh.

You're gonna make that face every time you hit him. Oh. Oh, my God. Also, part of me will be flashing the whole time. Did you see how hard it was from throwing your arms up and down? Oh, also part of me will be flashing the whole time. Did you see how how hard it was from throwing your arms up and down? Got a little crown.

King hippo, not a bad idea. Asterios, the sneaky Greek, do cockies, King hippo coconuts. I love it. It's gonna be a fight. You got a train, man. Do I don't want to? You got to be able to last because you,

if you can out the thing about Amateur like people have never fought before I do a lot of boxing wait. Are you assuming I've never fought before? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to assume because you're comedian So I'm just telling you why don't you ask me have I ever Subtains instead of putting words in my mouth. Why don't you just come on ask me tough guy? Have you ever thought before? Oh no, God. No one are you talking about? That's my savages.

No, I've never thought before. I got to an argument once with the guy at Golden Corral because I tried to take cookies outside. And he said, they don't let you do that. No, and I'm like, why are you gonna throw these cookies out at 10 o'clock? You're closing. Because I was there all day doing work and eating.

Yeah. And he was like, no, I'm like, look, you really, you want to give these cookies to the dumpster? Am I going to have to go freaking this to get these cookies? The way Golden Crow works is it's at all Eukide buffet, but they don't want you to take the food out tonight. And so it's like, I don't know, probably because it would cut it into their profit margins.

Wait, why does it, why don't they want you to take it outside? They just have a rule about, oh, because you can't take it to go. You can't come in and fill up like a, an oat bag of their buffet and then take it home and eat for the rest of the week. Yeah, I don't understand. Oh, okay. I get it.

But anyway, I want that rule has been written because a bunch of people did that. Yeah. Well, maybe they brought in their Tupperware and filled it up and then took it home. Maybe one particularly Greek person might have done. Anyway, long story short, look, this is all you have to do. Okay.

Get enough cardio training to say, and this goes for both fighters. I don't wanna, I don't wanna act like I'm favoring one over the other. That's why I'm saying this on the show because both of you are listening. Do enough cardio so you can stay upright because I see people thinking they're gonna fight. They start dancing around like ballerinas bouncing back

that takes a shit load of energy. That's like running a marathon all fucking days doing this bouncing around like you can't fight unless you're dancing back and forth like you're jumping rope No, it's gonna fucking tire just dancing around. I'll make you yeah, and that it's not like you don't you see it on TV So you think well that guy's bouncing around I should be bouncing around too. This is how you'll get wind best way to throw a punch You'll get wind of doing that don't do that shit get your stamina up do some do some, get on a bike, and build up some stamina, and then learn how to throw two punches.

That's it. Just learn how to tap people with one hand. Can I show you one of the punches I've learned? Okay. Okay. I picked this up from a Street Fighter video game. What I do is I crouch like this and I go Oh, for God.

Yeah, I should have been a good kid. You say uppercut. Right. And I think it makes the uppercut strong. So I got that. Maybe I can do that and then what's another punch? Oh, can I do the double handed Kirk thing? No, that's not allowed.

You're not allowed to do an exhale. No, no. No, I gotta go back to scratch on this Gain all gain as much weight as you want, but please please get on a bicycle Please get on a bike or a jump rope before the fight and don't dance around Learn to learn two punches. That's it a little jab and a one and a one two Bapah Bapah Bapah like that youbap, bap-bap, like that. You got it made. Dick, yeah.

Wait, I'm not gonna, look honestly, I'm not gonna take advice from you. I'm not gonna take advice from someone more financially successful with more fans, who's in better physical shape and has exercised someone who used to do sports. You know, you've learned all the wrong lessons from these things. You got to do what I do. You got to think you got to smart the guy. You and your physical, schmysical stuff. He's not expecting a 400 pound man to walk

in. One of his limp little puny punches. What happens when have you ever played the X-Men arcade game with two screens? Yeah. You know what, have you ever played the X-Men arcade game with two screens? Yeah. You know what happens when you fight at the, who do you fight at the end of level one? I don't know. Oh, you fight the blob. Okay.

Guess what the blob catchphrases. Nothing can hurt the blob. It takes five X-Men using all their special mutant powers to take the blob down. And as you fight him, he becomes quicker and stronger and faster. He starts to change colors. So you think you will start to change colors

and become quicker faster, but... According to this next men video game, absolutely. All right. Up, look, can I, if we're done talking about boxing, I wanna put one or two things to rest real quick. Okay. Number one, I want to put one of two things to rest real quick. Okay. Number one, I made a goddamn joke on the Reddit and some assholes use it as an opportunity. Assholes who already don't like me, use this opportunity to spread the idea that I wanted

to like, dox this guy. Oh. I don't need to know this guy's name. I don't need to know what he looks like. All I need is for him to show up so I can destroy him. I made a fucking joke because I get doxed all the time. I got Jess leaking my messages. I got Maddox and Madcast Media contacting my employers.

I got Maddox sharing my texts. I got people spreading my information everywhere. So I made a joke where I'm like, hey, finally I'll be doxing someone else. Yeah. And then everyone will know he's a transphobic. And you added a bunch of stuff to that. Cause it's all, cause it's funny.

Yes. Yes, real funny. I thought it was funny. It's not funny for us. I, you know what? Guess what I very quickly realized. Conservatives don't think that's funny at all. In fact, they're very, very sick.

So it's like, yeah, you know, okay. But look, that's someone who's been dox multiple times, May Coppa. Bad joke. Real wrong audience. To use that joke for fans of the show. I don't have any secret doxing squad Sure, I'm not gonna I just want all I want you guys show up. Just show up. Yeah, whatever Tickling like a riddle it like men exactly whatever like men who learn how to fight from video games and X-Men References. Yeah exactly. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, where'd you learn to fight? What? YouTube's boxing lessons and you were an amateur. Wait, you were an amateur boxer? I spent a lot of time boxing. In college, I was going to the weight room one day and I saw some guys fighting in the parking lot and I went over and said, hey, what's going on here?

And there was this little Vietnamese dude who used to be an ex, he was one of the most interesting guys I've ever met. It's hard to get a story out of him because his English is all busted up. It's like Jackie Chan squared. But he used to be an exhibition fighter. He was an orphan. No, no parents. He's like, he's like an anime. Like he grew up in an orphanage. He grew up fighting other kids, like it was an orphanage dedicated to fighting. Like all they did was whatever was the sport in, in, in try, in Vietnam. And so they would go on these big, they would go on these big tours, these, these tours of Asia. And whatever was the rage at the time.

Yeah, sorry, your girlfriend brought me some clariton because I have allergies. Please continue. Oh, by the way, I'm gonna crush this guy at the fight. Right, absolutely. So whatever was the rage in China or Asia, or wherever they would do these tours, they would just obsessively train for that.

So if weightlifting was big, they would all get into weightlifting. And Kung Fu was like what they did as the base. That's all they did. So he would go around, like he had a notebook that he had acquired from a lifetime or from a youth of going around to these different dojos and learning their style. Like, like, it was like a, it was the fucking Jackie Chan adventure cartoon. Every story he told, I was like, you got to be fucking kidding me. That's real. Like, he would go, he would go to the, the new village and do the, and get involved in their dojo. And it

would be like monkey style or whatever style. And and he would he would write out all the moves in this this weird like arcane shorthand of what he would need to remember to do these moves so he eventually got involved in uh... in an exhibition fighting circuit where his crew his crew of orphans who are now grown men who were like uh... winch hunk kung fu fighters would go from town to town and have fudes with the local with the local kung fu guys. So his little his little band of Mary men would come into a town and they would start talking

shit to the local guy with the understanding that they were gonna build up publicity for the guy's dojo, or what I forget what he called it, for the guys like, for the guys kung fu practice, and then they would have a big fight, and then they would build up to this big fight, and then they would have it, they would split all, it was like fucking wrestling, like the way it was like, like he would describe what they would do,

I mean, you gotta be fucking kidding me, It's exactly the same as we do here, except you guys do everything with your hands. Like it's the martial artistry and we just do Roads, Tanning Beds, and Talk, and Bombastic, and Metaphores. And like, we've got like, you know, everyone's fucking Henry Longfellow just telling how they're going to kick your ass is the same thing like but they would go all over Asian do it eventually this this is not his version of the story but this is what I pieced together out of how he got to America uh he was hooking up with this girl in his pack of people, like his touring group. There was a chick there, and he was plogging her, right? Oh my god.

They were, they were, they were, they were, they were whatever. They had a relationship and they had a relationship for a long time. And he says that he wasn't cheating on her, but he had some kind of a relationship with, like in one of these towns that they ended up in. He, something happened with him and a girl there and she, and I think, I think it was like a power, like a coup, like a power move to get rid of him because a bunch of guys told her his girlfriend that he was cheating on her. So during the fight, like he was sparring with his girlfriend and she was going nuts trying

to kill him. So he's like, this is like a kung fu master in some small, who the fuck knows where and Vietnam in like the beginning of gladiator, like one of these types of events where there's a couple hundred people, like you're just there for the take, you're there to get a couple to like you there to eat. This is what they do. They go from town to town, getting money for food. He's now trying to fend off this broad who's lost her fucking mind and who's trying to kill

him because she thinks he cheated on her. And what's he like, this is, this is a guy who he's just trying to keep himself from not getting fucked up. But that's very, if you've ever had a woman come at you, if you've ever had a regular woman come at you, it is very difficult to try to do that dance of not getting hurt and keeping them from getting hurt because everything, like you see a threat coming at you, and all you wanna do is go pop and just lay them out, but you gotta, it's like a real jam up in your brain.

I don't know how to, I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to stop this. You know what I'm talking about? Yes, absolutely. Because you're trying not to get hurt, you're trying not to hurt them, you're trying to calm things down. Hopefully you can grab the wrists and restrain them,

but then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood.

But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood.

But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood. But then the feet come into the blood.. That's the moral of the story. So he's, this is a trained martial arts master. So, literally and figuratively. Yeah. Yes. So he manages like, at some point, I think somebody in his group realizes that something's gone horribly wrong. So they get involved.

You know, and the crowd is, I don't know what the crowd is doing. I'm just adding, I'm just adding details, because I don't think the crowd's going nuts. This lady's gonna kill this dude. That's supposed to this is entertaining to hear about let alone watch. So they great they grab her and he's getting attacked by all the guys who were telling who were giving her the fake news that he's cheating on here. He gets a fucking hatchet to the head while this is going on. So as he's getting, he's going, getting rushed off to the hospital. I don't know how bad it was, you know, maybe I don't think that he got like Jason or what, like embedded in his skull, but he's gets, like he got somebody's throw, somebody's

trying to attack him with a hatchet. Let's start there. He's on his way out. He's going to attack him with a hatchet. Let's start there. He's on his way out. He's going to the hospital. He's on his way out of the little, like the little pedic that they're doing, like a corral that they are today, they're using for a martial arts fight

so that the local Kung Fu guy can get a couple more bucks in his pocket. This is what is involved here. It's like the Vietnamese version of Mickey Rourks, the wrestler. This guy lived it. So he's getting taken off by the guy, by basically his dad, like the only dad that he's ever known, is taking him out of the arena

and to the hot like back to where they live, back to the, he gets fixed up and the guy says, look dude, you're a fuck, you gotta get the fuck out of here. These guys are trying, these guys are trying to kill you for some reason. And the worst, the fucked up part was when he was telling, like I had known him for, I had been fighting with, or just like studying from which, and you know,

I say studying, but it's really like, I was just a kid at a college and I thought it was cool with their doing and I wanted to learn more because you can, you can't underestimate knowing how to handle yourself in a fight. Totally. Well, that's one thing that I've always heard people say who know, they say, don't think you'll rise to the occasion.

Expect to fail to your level of training on your worst day. Right. That's what happens. Did they say accept hysteria? Accept hysteria. Okay, good. Just want to make sure. So as he's telling me this story, I'm thinking, oh, I totally get it. I totally get it because I like you. And like, I feel like a camaraderie with you. And I'm and people have just hate me nonstop too. Like I totally get, I don't even need a reason why these guys wanted you to get a hatchet through the side of your fucking head and why they told your girlfriend that you fucked some chicken in the town. Like I don't even worry about explaining it, I totally fucking get it. So he gets on, I don't know, he gets on a fucking boat or something, makes his way to LA,

where he's, this was, I think he came in like the, he came in like the early 90s, so he had a bunch of other crazy, I showed up one day, he would never charge you, like he would just take what you would give him. And anybody who came, and this is in a parking lot at a gym.

Anybody who came, he would work with them and teach them how to do it, and there was no price, he would just take whatever you gave them. Whatever you gave him. So one time I was like, well dude, I was like, you know, let's give him 20 bucks every week. Like here, like 20, like you know, there's 10, 20 of us here. You're making whatever a couple hundred bucks. Just keep, just enough to keep coming out. One time I was like, you know, there's 10, 20 of us here. You're making whatever a couple hundred bucks.

Just keep, just enough to keep coming out. One time I was like, you know, what about you need any, like I was in my mind thinking I'm gonna be Daniel's son. Like do you need any work around the house that I could help you with? Like wax on, wax off kind of shit. Like I wanna get some real, you're in LA

and I am half Mexican. Yeah. And I'm thinking secretly in my mind, like I'm gonna get some behind this. I'm gonna get some of the deep cuts on this one. He's gonna get real philosophical and teach me something about life, right? He goes, yeah, yeah, come on.

I come over this Saturday. So I show up this Saturday. How old is this guy? Like 50? I have no fucking idea. Ah! I have no fucking idea Sean I this is how I fought him one time one time like just just just just fun like sparring like he's trying to teach you

Cuz I mean not I don't say this in a braggadocious way, but I'm I'm bigger than everyone I would win Yeah, like it just you know that that's your tail of the tape bigger than everyone. I would win. Like it just, you know, that's a tale of the tape. You're bigger than, we're all big. I'm bigger than the average guy too. They're all big. I'm gonna be real big. Exactly. So he said, you fight me.

Yeah. I was like, okay, I mean, I kinda don't, I don't wanna do that. So I get in, this is one time. One time I fought this guy, this first answer how old he is, one time I get in to a boxing ring. Sometimes he knew a guy who owned a little boxing gym and every once in a while a guy would let us come in on Sunday mornings, you know, provided that we don't

make a mess and clean up that through ourselves. So I get in the ring with this guy and I take about two steps and he goes, crack, instant, instant knockout. Yeah. Instant, one of the few times, one of the few times in my life where I have been instantly knocked out and I like, I remember, I remember him moving and I remember thinking, all right, I need to come up with some kind of, and that was it. Like right on the button, just lights out.

Yeah, because I wasn't, like, I felt confident in at least the basics of, like, blocking shit. Like, because that's what you, that's what you need. You need to be able to block, and you need to be able to move. Because if you can dodge a punch, that's, if you make them throw a punch where they miss, they're spending, like, three or four times the amount of energy as you blocking it. And you're not getting, because blocking takes just as much force pushing back

as it takes them to throw it. So it's like a wash, you know? You're not getting hit in the face, but it's about energy. That's what, imagine it like a Mega Man energy bar. Okay, now I'm, okay. Now I've got you.

Yeah. And what you need to make, you need to keep your bar up as you wear their bar down. Both of you need to do this. And the way you do that is by making them waste more energy than you when you can get away with it. Okay. So I, I have these basic elements of training in my brain when I stepped out there, but instant, instant fucking knockout with that. And he, and even thinking about it before going in, I'm like, he has no idea what, how much to pull. Like this guy, he's fighting fucking hatchet throwing men.

He doesn't, he doesn't know how to pull a punch. Like his, his pulling a punch is like Mike, like Mike Tyson trying to pull a punch. Like, just don't touch me. Yeah. You're like a pre, just don't fucking touch me. I'm not, I didn't grow up with this. Instant knock it, that's how old he is. Anyway, I go over his house to get this ancient wisdom

and he goes, yeah, okay, yeah. We need to bondo my car today. I'm like, all right. Any kind of like, you know, moves to the bondo, he goes, no, you just slap it on, smooth it out, sand it. I'm like, all right. Why do you need to bondo your car? And he's like, well, they're bullet holes.

Sure enough, I can't. I'm like, how long have these, Tony? How long have these fucking bullet holes been in your car? And he goes, oh, long time, long, like early 90s, and he starts telling me, that's a whole, that's a whole nother story. But that was the guy that I learned, to everything I know about fighting.

I know from that guy, that I learned at a parking lot for two years. This is a long story. I forget where that started. Well, talking about fights and training and stuff. do you mind if I ask you a question? Yeah. Do you think that you could put me in touch with this guy? Because I don't need it.

So your save is phone number and his Twitter account, whatever the fuck. I look. Yeah. You know what this guy was missing? The brains. I got the brains. I'm from New York City. Here we go. I live in New York City and I got the brains. I got the brains. I'm from New York City.

Here we go. I live in New York City. It's doing the Andy Kaufman. Who's I am from the home? The who? People talking, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, brains. This guy is probably from Bumble, Fuck, Bumble, Where? I don't know where the guy, look, he's definitely from flyover country. He likes Trump so much.

Okay, because nobody from the coast would ever like Trump. Therefore, I'm gonna get in there. Probably can't even add two plus two. He's gonna have to add five plus five, 10, 10 count. He's on the ground, thanks to me. Okay, so what's your prediction? What round are you gonna, oh, first round knockout.

Why do you ask? Because I just wanna keep round. $50 on me. First, you're betting 50 bucks on you preemptively. Yeah. Okay, $50 on me to win. Okay, in the first. I got it.

All right, so we'll get his prediction at some point. Oh, I wanna say one more thing. He has several times said that he's going to have sex with my disabled ex wife. Okay. I'm going to beat this guy real bad. Like bad will he be disabled? What if he promises to find her in apartment? It's hypogenic. If not joking, if you found her a place to live, I would take a dive. If not joking, if you found her a place to live, I would take a dive. You kidding me? It's the biggest stress in my life right now

that my poor ex-wife has a terrible condition where she's got master's eye, she has a serious, rare disease. It's a terror, like if you knew someone had MS, and then like someone's like, I got a pill that'll cure your MS. It's like, I'll do anything, give me the pill. It's like having cancer aids.

It's a lifelong debilitating addition. Yeah, I would kiss the guy, I would take a dive. You might not have to. I hope not. Well, anyway, back to what I was saying about video games. Yes. Oh yeah, they're great. They're so much fun to watch.

15 years too late, Sean. We could have been making and do it. Do you can do it today? But you don't understand. I loved the video games. I loved it. All I would wanna do, come home, play the video games. That's, I would sit there obsessively like these guys.

I don't have that anymore. I lost the love of the game. You would, that's what I'm saying. I lost the love. I don't have that in, I don't have that in me anymore. The moment you make a dollar one, care again because that these people make peaches out there making $500 a night in tips playing twitch peaches boyfriend's making hundreds of thousands of dollars if you took games at night

Podcast here in the day. That's it man. That's your wife. I'm just gonna make the whole house at a glass Then I can perform all day that can would be fantastic. All right. That's there is what makes's your life. I'm just gonna make the whole house out of glass that I can perform all day. That can work be fantastic. All right, that's serious, what makes you a ridge? Oh, I came in with like a funny, biggest problem, ask, you know how like, whenever people have brought problems, they always had like a funny name for it like, what were some of them?

Rose peddlers? Yeah, exactly, you know, things like that. I got a turds in the Uber pool. Okay. Turds in the Uber pool. We all take the Uber pool here, because you say $4. You took a Uber pool when you did the, you've taken Uber pools before you told,

you've told stories about taking Uber pool. Yeah, I stopped taking them, because everybody bitches. Yes, and it's like that uncomfortable amount of bitching where the only reason I reason, it's they, the people in the pool are assholes to the driver. Yep. And I wanna defend the guy, like I want to make,

I wanna treat them like shit, but if I escalate it, they're gonna give him a bad, like it only hurts the driver. Yeah. Cause I can't escalate it because then they'll give him shit or they'll give him a bad rating. So I just gotta sit there and suck on my rage, which I hate doing.

So I don't, I'll pay more to not have to deal. I've never taken the pool. Never do it, dude. No, because I don't wanna be around people. Well, yeah, exactly. To back up seven to Dick said, one time I'm in a new bra pool, a lady's in the front, and she's complaining like, oh my God,

how many more people do we have to pick up for this pool? I know there was a limit on the amount of people that you have to pick up on this pool. And the driver's like, well, it's four. It's like it says that right on the thing. It's like a fucking car. Yeah. The car that you've grown up with your whole fucking life,

you idiot. It suddenly seats five people. This isn't a magical Uber, they all seat five. Yes. They all fucking put it, if even if it was on the goddamn door, everybody knows it they all see it five it's not a luxury cruiser you picked uber cupool because you can only afford two dollars to drive to the store you stupid bitch just shop and

squeeze it in there squeeze be grateful that you're touching someone for the first time in two months guess what she's got on her lap fucking boxes from Barney's and sex fifth Avenue So she has So she has hundreds of dollars worth of shoes and shit Sephora boxes all this crap and she's given this guy shit Cuz she's trying to save two dollars by taking the uber pool. Yeah You've got the money just take the uber black the uber x the uber VIP So it's like that's always annoying to fuck these people complaining when they don't move over.

I'm trying to get an Uber pull with my girlfriend. They pull over on the right. We're trying to enter through the right. They don't move over. So now I gotta walk all the way around the car and now she's gotta sit in the front. They can't shift over one. That's too much exercise for you.

Uber pull, fucks. Worst one is, when it's the opposite, when they're friendly, it's also terrible, when they're like, oh, where you going? Oh, hey, we were going to the same place. Oh, what do you do? When the Uber pull people start talking to you,

because now the driver thinks I can start talking to you. I'm gonna join in on this. Oh, exactly. That's my fantasy, come to life. Yes, a real chat fest in the Uber, yeah. And now it's a fucking panel show in the goddamn car. We're like, everybody's sounding off on this and sounding off on that and the weather and Trump.

And all this bullshit and it's just like, can I put in my headphones harder somehow? Like, do I have to put in two pairs of headphones? 20 can buy like blinking headphones. It's like, I'm not listening to you. I have ear buds in. Yeah. For the love of God, everybody shut up.

I'm trying to get home and save two dollars. Everybody shut up. You know what we need? Because the headphones don't work. They don't. If you don't want to talk to somebody, the headphone isn't a big enough clue. We need to have like, like when you, like in the matrix

when they plug in and they just go dead, like the strings get cut out of you. There needs to be some kind of like button I can set a timer on where I hit it and then my body just collapses like, yeah, like, like hey, just press this button to activate me when we get to the destination. Because I need to look like I'm dead

for you to stop trying to talk to me. Blam, there we go, I'm out. That's a great fucking, just ragdollet. I mean, I'll do that. That's a great idea, ragdollet. Oh, by the way, brick trick. If there's a plane and it's like not full, that's not empty, you wanna make sure no one sits next to you.

You do something I do, I I call making the stink face. You sit there. I describe the face I'm making to the audience. It looks like a series has seen a giant cake. Yes, it is with your hands. Like, if you make the stink face, no one will sit next to you. You got to make the stink face for 10 minutes.

While people are filing in. They're not worth it. You do it on a bus too. Because you don't want don't sit next to you. You gotta make the stink face for 10 minutes. While people are filing in, you do it on a bus too, because you don't want someone to sit next to you. And then finally, when the door's closed, stink face goes away. You fooled everyone, because you've got the brains. All right, Sean, you got a rage today? Oh my God, it's episode 50. Oh yeah.

I never asked you, but you're basically the co-host of this show. I mean, no, no, no, no, no. You better start doing some work. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I ever, um, well, I'll tell you what I have has pissed me off lately. Has made me a rage lately. You're on, yeah. Well, it's been, uh, I've had to go to a couple of weddings.

Oh, good. And, um, we're too old. Too old to be going to weddings. Look, just that you can do it when you're 25. You don't get a wedding. That's it. You go're too old. Too old to be going away. Look, just, here's the thing, when you're 25, you don't get a wedding. That's it. You go to the court. You get to get to the court. Chances are, if a man is going to a wedding as a guest, it's because the woman he is

with is invited to the wedding. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Or you're like the brother of the groom or the whatever. You're related. But I want to do whatever I want to do at all times. I don't want any obligation and libertarian.

And especially I don't want to, I don't want to have to be inconvenienced or spend any money on something that I don't care about. That I don't care. Really, I mean, look, how happy can you be? How happy can you be for somebody else? It's, it's their day and you're supposed to act like you're just, how happy? I'm worried about my own shit.

You know the act like it's a fucking miracle. Like it's an amiric, and it's, you know what? And it's, it's the time, it's the cash, it's the travel. Here's my thought. Uncomfortable clothes. Yeah, it's work. Of course, you're so wearing. Oh, it's the wedding apparently.

You're not out of a cargo shorts. And the, I'm sorry. He fucking food sucks 99 times out of 100. Yeah. It's always hot. It's all, there's this, oh, and you gotta listen to the fucking handwritten vows.

And you gotta, and here's another, here's my thought on weddings. Okay. That person, the person who's getting married, should only invite people who they're barely friends with. Nice. Wait, wait, wait, say that slower. Okay. The closer you are to that, the person inviting should give a pass to everyone who they really care about.

And they only invite people out of spite, basically. Yes. Oh, why? Speaks a lot of sense. Because then, yes, you get the cash. You get the retina when they just show up. They just send you a gift. Yeah.

Okay, scam. Well, Sean did. They can show up if they want. Right. Fuck them. Yeah. But, they can show up if they want. Right, fuck them. Yeah, but it's networking. It's networking too. Yeah, if you really close to the, I'm not anything special.

Oh, I'm invited to the wedding. I guess I'm special. Networking gets cash. From my perspective, it's like, I'm happy for you, but I'll catch you at your next wedding. It's so like, it's so hard to explain to people the concept of I don't wanna do things that I don't wanna do. I don't wanna do things that I didn't come up with me doing.

Yeah, I know. Nobody wants to just stop. And as you get older, I think you realize that it's more okay to just say that. Yeah, where it's just like, you know what? What? I don't wanna. I don't okay to just say that. Yeah, where it's just like, you know what? What's going? I don't want to. I don't want to.

What are you gonna do? I don't know. Fucking sit home. Sit home and watch Iron Chef. Why do you need everybody to see this? Why do you need everybody to come to see this? Why do we have to do the whole fucking celebration in the first place? I don't believe it.

I am the only time we have to do the whole fucking celebration in the first place? I don't believe it. I am at the only time we have to do this. I just don't believe that most people, that almost everyone is just that happy for it's how happy can you be? I don't know. I can even do that. I'm the asshole, but you're not the asshole. It's money. You got to buy them a gift.

You got to travel there. you gotta, you gotta, you gotta fucking dress up, you gotta sit for two hours, and I'm telling you right now, the handwritten vows are maybe the worst part, because you have to hear non-performers, get up on stage in front of everyone, read, read some dumb bullshit out of the Bible, or read a thing they wrote where it's like

when they first met, I just knew. Blah, blah, blah. And it's like, you're not entertaining. I wouldn't ever, I wouldn't watch you for free to open my, now I gotta pay $200 to watch you like love is kind, love is patient, but what is love really? Like, oh, God!

The food is not great. You know, every time I've requested chicken fingers, and weddings, and they never give them to me. Every time I get invited to a wedding, they have the thing where it's like, what are your dietary needs? And I write down, I'm allergic to everything with chicken fingers.

And it was like, ah, hi, hi, to joke, great joke. I'm gonna, it's not a joke. I just want chicken fingers. No, I think you should give a pass to everybody you're actually friends with. I love that idea! Because you can have a party, they can all come over, just a 12-year-old getting drunk and high,

hanging out in the cabin or whatever, it doesn't have to be this big fucking thing. I love that. It's the same thing with people having a baby. Yeah. That's great. We're as part of the baby. Well, the baby showers. Oh, well, no, and then you're gonna go over and see the baby. Oh, you're gonna go over part of the baby. Well, that's a you know, the baby showers. Oh, well

no, and then you're gonna go over and see the baby. Oh, you got to go over and see the baby. That's their sneak in those They're sneaking those they're not only are they sneaking guys on to the baby showers now, which I will never never go to They're trying to make this a couples thing. Yeah, never go. They're also doing revealing the gender parties with the balloon, with the where they have like a cake or something. They cut into it and there's a big magical moment of here. Here's the actual. It's got a pink frost season spills out. It's like, it's a boy. Yeah. Is that what the high budget big old load and it's right. Yeah. I've smelt. That's it's a boy. Everybody. I'll go to that. I would go to that one. Yeah, we won that one, guys. Did you see? And that's, and that's what it would be every time. If it's, if it's, if it's,

if it's a girl, it turns out she's gets a bunch of jewelry. But if it's a boy, guy blows a big old load right over a face and everyone goes, yeah, like a sporting event. Yeah, we win that one. See you next time. See you at the next fucking baby shower. This is everything's a fucking contest. How happy could you be, right? Guys, it's like, you're watching the wedding and you know exactly what's in the guy's mind. And everybody there knows exactly what's in his mind

and we're just not saying it. Like, okay, this is a big magical moment for both. Like, we both, we all know what you're thinking. You're thinking like, oh, I kind of got roped into this. I kind of didn't, I couldn't delay it any longer, guys. This was the longer, this was the longest I could delay it with my personal, except with, with how much I can personally accept risk. And I could not manipulate it any to delay this any longer. This is a test. This is my Custer's last stand. This was as long as I could fucking go. This is as long as I could edge it out. I couldn't come up with

Anymore excuses. Why we couldn't get married and here I fucking am. I do. Like well, you blow it. You got any tips? Put it, put all your tips in a time capsule. This is like the the edge tomorrow, the Tom Cruise movie, where he replays the same day, like Groundhog's Day, right now, everything you did, and the next guy that does it will try to get another week out of it before he's got to do it. Let's go drink. Let's go fuck up a podcast.

Man. And cash bars, am I right? How tacky! All right, that's right. That's a good one, John. Really good one. Oh, let me play. I hope you tap the rage board. It came from the heart. I could tell what little heart I have. We had, look, no one's talking about the rage board and forever. I guess everyone should probably go to the the dick dot show and then no, I'm not putting you on because you'll be, you'll be the first place. You'll be number one forever. And then there won't be, be, but there will be no competition for anybody else.

That's a good point. Right now, Pete is on top and she just, yeah, she just overtook Mad Cux. So I can't put you on because then there will be no, no, I don't. I'll try to bring in, I'll try to bring in a rage fairly regularly. Okay. You're right. Since I, since apparently I've slid into the role of, uh, co-ho. That happened when the one was looking, Sean.

Yeah. That's what life is. It happened when no one was looking, Sean. That's what life is. It happens when no one's looking. Ain't that the truth? Someone was having a big carnival of voting and distracting while Sean became a co-host. Good job, Sean. You did it.

All right. And do you want to hear, I'm the last one to know. Do you want to hear a prank call from the phone losers? Yeah. Okay. The phone losers. Let's do. So these guys do prank calls. They listen to the show and they do a ton of prank calls.

They're really funny. They finally did one or they finally did one that they thought would be appropriate for the show. I'll play it here. Hi, I'm Birmingham. This is Kayleigh. How can I help you? Hey, Kayleigh.

Is this the Grimmine Room? Yes. Okay. Great. Hi, Kaleigh. Hi, Kaleigh. I'm Steve Wade. This is Kaleigh. How can I help you? Hey, Kaleigh. Is this the grooming room? Yes. Okay, great. This is John from the corporate office with Petco. Yes. And do you have any dogs in there right now that you're grooming?

Yeah. I have three. I have to finish. Okay, great. What's the names? The dog I have to finish? Yeah. Hannah, Maddox and Ivy.

Maddox? Yeah. I want to talk to Maddox. Wait. Hannah, Maddox and Ivy. Maddox? Yeah. I want to talk to Maddox. Wait, Hannah Maddox and Ivy? Yeah, the dogs that I have. Ivy, okay. Could you put Maddox on the phone, please? I just need to have a quick word with her.

Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, Maddox is the dog I have to do. Are you talking about the groomers that are in here? Oh, no, no, the dogs themselves. It's okay. I know what I'm doing. I just, if you could just hold a phone up to the dogs ear.

Okay, I'm just going to go get them one second. I'll just have a quick word with them. Immediately. Okay, all right, just one second. Thank you. All right, I'm about to put the phone up to you with you, okay? Okay, all right. Here you go.

Okay. Maddix. Maddix. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Are you a good boy, Maddix? Yes, you are. You're a good boy, Maddix. Maddix. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Are you a good boy, Maddix? Yes, you are. You're a good boy, Maddix. Yes, you are. You're a good boy. You're such a good boy, Maddix. Meam. Maddix. Maddix. Maddix. Maddix. You're a good boy. You are such a good boy maddox go get the ball go get the ball go get the ball

this is corporate me i'm going to their co yeah uh... yeah yeah um... did he respond i could be he wasn't really uh... he was looking around okay well i was expecting kind of a response can we just put it up there one more time yet okay maddox Can we just put it up there one more time? Yeah. Okay. There you go. Maddix, who's a good boy?

Who's a good boy Maddix? You're the good boy. Yes, you are Maddix. You're the good boy. Maddix is a good boy. Okay, I'm done now. I'm feeling... Maddix, you're a good boy.

Who's the good boy Maddix? Maddix, are you fucking deaf? I'm asking who the fucking good boy maddox maddox are you fucking death i'm asking who the fucking good boy is the fuck's wrong with you maddox what the fuck i'm sorry he's starting to shake now okay he's he's pissing me off uh... we're just you know what fuck maddox go get hanna okay if you're gonna be talking like that so i don't think that's very professional

i know i should have said i't have said the the fuck word Dematics that was you know What is that I'm gonna get my I'm gonna get my manager so you can speak to him Okay, no, that's the dogs in the back. Oh, which one Hannah or I I? No, there is a whole bunch of other dogs here like I'm not the only groomer. Okay, can you tell those other dogs? Can you tell those other dogs to shut the fuck up because we're trying to get my manager sir I'm gonna go get my manager okay I get the manager oh my god phone losers hello hello yeah so my manager told me to hang up on you

because you're being really rude why are you talking to me then? Why don't you just hang up? Ah! Okay. Good. Oh, God. Well, if you ever want to know why your dog's late at the groomer at pet college, go.

There you go. It's like, have you ever heard of the movie compliance? No, it's not. It's based on a real story where somebody called into McDonald's and was like, I'm from corporate. The girl that's buying chicken right now is a shop lift. You have to escort her to the back. And then they did.

And they were like, you got a strip researcher. And the person, the manager of the channel is like, really complied because they were like, well, corporate told me to do it. So I got a strip search to this stranger. And it's based on a real thing that like a real crazy person called into a real McDonald's and a real crazy person really strips or someone. So that's, and there was a movie made out of a call compliance.

So that's like compliance, but the opposite. What will people not do? You call it, you call it and say you're from corporate. Yeah, and they'll do anything. That was like seven minutes long. Yeah, when we talk to the dog, oh, well, you mean the people? No, I mean the anything. That was like seven minutes long. Yeah. Let me talk to the dog. Oh, well, you mean the people? No, I mean the dog.

Okay. Ha ha ha ha. Let's see, I got some comments here. Dick, I'm a big fan of your podcast and I have some funny and weird Bill Nygos to share with you. Whoa. This is kind of, you know, shitting Bill.

Yeah, yeah. When I was about 19, I had an interview come up for a NASA space grant scholarship. And I had to wear a suit for the first time in my entire life. No one in my family knew how to put on a tie. And after driving around and consulting with various uncles, the only person who knew how

was a mortician, my uncle Mike knew. How did nobody know how to put on a tie? I don't know where he's from. I didn't grow up with, you know, maybe grew up. Ty. Poor. How poor do you got to beat him? I know how to tie a tie.

I don't know, man. I don't know how to tie a tie. What am I, I'm not judge, I don't know how to tie a tie. No. No, the phrase, how to tie a tie has been Googled about like 10 times and that's the number of times I've worn a tie in my life. Maybe they just, I don't know. I figured every, I figured every like generation above us

knew how to tie a tie, because they had to. Maybe that's wrong, I don't know. The mortician was old and couldn't quite remember how to do it, because he'd been retired for some years and I ended up having to lie down so he could complete the task. Funny, right? Bill and I told this story from me

and tried to pass it off as his own on the creationist debate with Ken Ham. I have no idea what his motivation was. How did he get the access to that information? I have no idea what his motivation was. And as I was watching the debate in real time, I found it to be very surreal as my phone started blowing up with questions from friends

asking if I knew Bill Nye. If you're wondering how he would have read this, I used to write stories about my childhood on a pretty popular website that was also read by a lot of science geeks. I can't be 100% sure that Bill Nye read it, of course, but I know quite a few people did, and it's a strange enough story.

Yes. And I'm dubious it happened twice. Yeah. Mortician, mortician, having to drive around. What's that? What are you pointing at? I'm pretty, he's right. Yeah.

Yeah, that seems like there's no fun. I've never heard, I've heard a lot of stories. I've never heard one like that. Pretty long shot. Pretty long shot. I'm not mad about it, but I admit I'm confused as to what his motive was, as the story had nothing to do with creation.

Just to make himself more interesting than, make himself more interesting than he actually is. He seems to have become somewhat erratic and irrationally angry since I first watched him as a kid and I met a lost to explain the rationale. Love the podcast. I thought this was funny. It might bring some laughs to my fellow dickheads.

Proof, he's got Bill and I telling it. And then the second proof is he used a right for a blog called DaddyDon'tHitMe.com, which I remember. Really? And that story was on Daddy. PS, is it okay for me to send you this picture? I feel like it's weird enough that I should ask first. Someone made it for me a long time ago.

And I tried to give it to Maddox to give to you back in the old podcast days where I got no response. I do think it's funny though it might bring you a laugh. Do you want to see the picture that he sent? Yeah. That he had to ask for permission to send first. Let's bring it up. Okay, here's the picture that he wanted to send me. It's too big human, human sized cocks having a samurai fight. So there you go. Oh, the urethra has a samurai blade poking out of it. Yeah. This guy's, I get, oh, this guy's been disarmed. This other penis on this side's been disarmed, but this guy's got his sword right in his ankle.

Just something to add on, Sean. This has nothing to do with that. Something to add on. That's a nice story. Oh, this is just a horrifying thing to look at. It's cool. You know what? You ever get that feeling where you see something you're like, I will always remember this.

Yeah. I'll always remember this. Yeah, yeah. That's all I'm gonna say. I'll always remember that. Yeah. All right, let's see what else I got here. Episode 50. Did you think you were gonna make it to episode 50? Do you think that some bullshit would have happened?

A lawsuit bullshit. All their bullshit, life bullshit. I'll tell you what, if you run out of LA. I thought that we would, I thought that Sean and I would just sit in a room and talk for a half hour every week. And maybe some people would listen or maybe not. Like I didn't think it would turn into a gigantic fucking show like at the truck of

Darrow. I thought we'd just keep doing it when nobody really cares. You can do it forever. Yeah. It's when people care that shit happens. Yeah. Then it's like it's, it's a stake shit. It's consumed my entire life.

HR is called. It is, it's funny because there are some podcasts out there where it's like, you've had 500 episodes and no one cares. Yeah. Like so many podcasts is like, you get the sense that the people are only doing it because it's the only time they see each other anymore. And the podcast is more of an excuse to maintain friendship. And to keep like, it's the only time, Sean and I see each other anymore.

That's true, but it, yeah, but it's, which I don't have a problem with. No, but it is weekly. I don't see anybody. Yeah. Good. That's the, I really don't like me neither. I have like five friends. Yeah. I see, I see dick more than I see any of my other friends, really. Yeah. And this show is like the only reason that I talk to most of my friends.

Like your brother called me yesterday saying that he wanted to write an episode of Kadiver. Oh, yeah. I always talk to him about the show. Like he'll call me with his review with his hot take on the last episode. It's hilarious that like he does that. I had no idea until you probably mentioned it

like 15, 20 episodes ago. He's driving home, you know? What's he gonna do? It's just sit there and think. Yeah. Got to, got to, got to, got to pass the time somehow, right? We all do it.

Yeah. He called me up to say that he wants to, he wants to write an episode of Kadiver and that he wants played hockey with Richard Dean Anderson. Yeah. And that he was kind of a prick. Oh, really? No.

Well, it's too bad. And that he looks like a blimp now. Oh, yeah. Good info. Thanks for the call. Let's see. I've got my brother's funny. He could write an episode.

He's there. You know, he he once told a girl I dated that he was a pilot. I know. No reason. I know. And he just kept saying that he was a pilot. And she, when she asked him questions about it, he would just lie.

And then later, she brought up something about how we should ask him, because he's a pilot. We should ask, she was like, really adamant that we ask Sean's brother something to do with flight. And you're like, why the fuck are you talking? Why do you want to talk to Sean's brother about this? So bad, she's like, well, because he's a pilot, I think he's not a fucking, he's not a pilot.

He's just a liar. He's just a humor. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He won't let you off the hook. That's the difference between him and I is, he'll let it ride. And eventually, I'll be like, no, I'm fucking with you.

Because I feel bad that you're eating this up. Well, jokes on him, he's got twin girls. It's true. Oh my God. It's true. All right, here's. Right away out of that one, buddy. Reverend Scott sent this in for the 50th episode.

He's a comedian. He sent in a bit for biggest problem. I think on episode 50 where he wanted to list California. That was a big problem. And it absolutely is. We should, I don't remember why we didn't put on the board. We should have. We should have done a lot of things on the old joke,

but here it is. Dick, it's finally time for you to listen to what makes me a rage and see how you like it. We're not gonna listen to shit! See how you like that! Dude, I'm just gonna play some music. I'm not listening to anything. I'm gonna stick my head, my fingers, my ears, go, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Yeah, I pay my phone bear. Hey there, dick, Sean, mysterious, and all the rest of the dickheads out there.

For those that don't know me, this is Reverend Scott. And for those that do, that means you've probably been listening to Dick and Sean since the days of the b******s pro** in the year. Ah! Sh**t my man. And unbeknownst to Dick, I've been listening since episode 1 of this show too. I'm here to celebrate monumental episode 50 and tell you a few things that make me a rage. Carry on, carry on being a huge failure. Speaking of huge failures, the first thing that makes me a rage,

finding out somebody you used to think was funny on the internet and on an old podcast is actually a fucking douchebag. I hope he's listening right now and he gets more pissed off than Dick did when he stood in the urinal next to me at the Philly Road rage. I accidentally saw his penis in the bathroom and it's bigger than mine. And now what really makes me a rage? Sexist guys.

Now before you start calling me a cuck, or worse yet, calling me a stereos. This wine little bitch needs to shut the hell up. Allow me to explain. I go to bitch needs to shut the hell up. Allow me to explain. I go to the store to buy two fucking things and two fucking things only because a real man streamlines a shopping experience to only the bare necessities needed for that trip.

I traverse the obstacle course of zombie employees and shopping cart moms to find my two soul items and make a B-line for the god damn checkout lanes. The only thing standing between me and mother fucking freedom is one man. One man that apparently didn't get the fucking memo on how to shop because his card is literally overflowing with shit. Shit like zucchini's. I don't even know what the hell is gonna do with him.

Apparently you can smoke him. Oh I guess so. Oh Jesus Christ. So how do I know this guy is sexist? Because he looks at his giant card of bullshit and looks back at me with my two fucking items and instead of letting me go ahead of him he just starts loading his fucking zucchini's on the bell. Had I been a hot woman standing there with my two items he would have let me go first but since I'm man, I have to fucking wait. Now I know he would have let a hot woman go first,

because that's what I would have done. And on top of that, he doesn't even bother to put his car back in the crowd. He just leaves it in the middle of the parking lot to let the wind push it to break next speeds in the someone's car to a lazy sexist fuck. And that's what makes me a rage. So Dick, do you feel transcended now that you've heard a rage from Reverend Scott? I believe in God now. No!

I figured that might happen. Don't get cocky. Yeah. I don't have to do this again sometime. My heaven's no. Yeah. My heaven's no. Well, maybe I could just call the show...

This interaction is never gonna happen again! That we're having right now. I thought you liked this. God Christ, this was a good idea, executed poorly. Oh, that's a desk drive. You're a person who's been working. Now you're just rubbing it in. You fucking blew it.

Yeah. Fine, I guess I'll get going then. Before I go though, Dick, do you have anything specially you'd like to say to the Dickheads out there listening to the show and celebrating episode 50 of the podcast? Hey, Dickhead, what are you getting out of this? What is wrong with you that this is what you want

to spend your night doing? That's great. So until next rage, peace and love, guys. Now Reverend Scott, the music is too soothing For rage, you mean? Yeah, well, I mean, I just was kind of tuning out and started to nod off a little bit and then... Always, always shoot straight, John. There's no other choice of words.

You could have been... Really, you had to say. What I say. Here's what you implied, that you found that to be boring, that you found this comedy to be boring. Oh, okay, I'm just saying what you implied. I'm saying what you think. There's a question in that, no, too.

I laugh. No, you're right, it's an outcome, no. No, I laugh, but then I was just getting hypnotized by the soothing guitar in the background. Yeah. Can you play that stuff? You guitar? That's not really my style. Yeah. Can you play that stuff? You guitar? That's not really my style.

I can't play like that. No, no. At the next live show, can you guys do a fucking song to close the show? Oh, yeah. I want you guys to do a song to you. I will. I didn't know it would be great.

You want to play something next show? Yeah, we'll see. Okay, I'll see. We'll go get it. John's got a lot on his plate now. He's got to come up with rages. It's a whole new world. He's got to top the wedding one. Let me see. I thought my man was going to call in, but I don't see him on this thing. Oh, I love your man. I think that's my favorite episode. The Dixia was the one where you guys were burning man. Because that guy's hysterical. Yeah.

Let me see if you see him. Are you there? Hey, is that guys were burning man? Cause that guy's hysterical. Yeah, let me see if you see him. Are you there? Hey, is that you? My man? Yeah, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Hey, what's up, dude? How you doing?

I'm doing pretty good. How are you? Great. So look, everybody wants an update. I don't know, I know you haven't been in the chat room listening to the show thus far, but everyone wants an update on what my man is doing. And I want to get you on the board. I want to know what makes you rage as well. Now, it's been a while since we've talked. I want to talk to you for a

half hour. You're the most interesting guy. How cool the drug wars. What's going? Is there a mob kingpin who's trying to kill you today? What's going on today? Not yet, the government's stepping in on us. What is happening? What do you mean? Well, so, all right, people like Sativa Sean over here decided to be a good idea to vote to legalize. So now, everyone's all up in arms about filling out paperwork and paying taxes.

And that's fucking you up. Legalizing it is fucking you up. Yeah. Don't you derive benefits Legalizing it is fucking you up. Yeah. Don't you derive benefits from the DA not shutting you down and putting you in jail forever. There's no, there's no pluses to legalization. No, no, DA, it's still illegal. Federally, the DA can just shut you down. Anyways, yeah. I'll just have to register your name and tell them where your farm is. But at least the California state highway patrols, not going to, the chips aren't going to fuck you up.

Right. A minute. So now that we, it's legal, you're still wanted by the federal government, but you've got to fill out a bunch of forms and tell the state government who will immediately rat you out. Where you're fucking marijuana farm is. Is that what you're telling me? Yeah. Yeah. It's the perfect racket.

So say hi to let us. So your position was don't legalize it. Of course, because then, you know, now how am I supposed to make any money? Yeah, and you said everybody, thank you for getting the heart of the matter which is that it comes in your fucking profit. Of course.

I don't even know, like how can can they how can they legalize it? And like what do you do for all the people in prison who got are in there because of drugs? You just let them out tough titties for those guys. They broke the law before it was not a lot. Oh, so they they're stuck in prison. It doesn't want competition back out on the street. Yeah, yeah, fucks in many ways many ways. All the sudden, he's all the sudden, all the sudden they have the state government forms to fill out or else there's a fine. Yeah.

And it's not like, when you're trying to avoid getting arrested, that's, you can do that. That's all right. But when there's forms to fill out, they can always hammer you on forms. Like if you don't fill out the right form, they can find you two one or three and five hundred bucks all day long. And you've got all the, and you've got the big companies moving in. Right. Marburo. Marburo. Right.

Yes. And then you've got all the people coming out of jail. Sorry. So what's your what's plan B? I Think maybe just moved to the Middle East You're not joking. I know that you're not joking. I'm not joking at all What is your I'm I'm working on a job. I got a potential job lined up to go over to the Middle East and help teach theater Oh my I over to the Middle East and help teach theater. Oh my. I knew this would be good.

We're in the Middle East. I love this guy. We're in the Middle East. Abu Dhabi, it's in the UAE. Oh, say how to normal form. Yeah. Is this a real job? This is a real job. It's for a university here in the States.

So how long do you think before like that theater troupe gets killed for like possibly being gay or something? Yeah, I mean, if I'm in it, never. Yeah, because you're straight, right? Yeah. Cause I'm straight and real strong. What kind of, what kind of theater goes over in the Middle East? Like, what kind of theater are you allowed to teach over there? I guess as long as you're not just sucking dick on stage, you should be fine.

I doubt that very much. I bet there are a little bit more strict with what you can promote over there than literally gay sex acts on stage. I bet that's how they pull you in, but something about it makes me think that every once in a while they might have a couple notes for you that you didn't see coming. Just straight sex with straight dudes. Everyone's fine with it over there.

So when is this happening? So two straight dudes having sex together. That's fine. Yeah, because it's not gay. Right. Because they're both straight. God forbid you have a woman driving in that show, though, or you're all going to jail. I hear that's a rhyme and a fuck. I mean, that's the one thing that we can agree on though. But when is this gonna come through? I'll know more about it in the next week or two. I'm doing the security background check right now

to make sure I'm not a terrorist. For them? I don't know the rules. Oh, yeah. I guess they would have actual extreme vetting over there. Yeah. Right? Is there right next door?

Yeah. I was told that because I'm a white American, it should be fine. Okay. You got to shave that beard. It's getting pretty wild. All right. Well, what makes you a rage? You got anything?

Uh, yeah. I've been tutoring mathematics to middle school kids recently. Okay. And it turns out they're all shit heads. Mm-hmm. And I really can't stand them. And the biggest problem with these kids is that they don't understand what man strength is. What is that sounds like something that you're not allowed to do in Abu Dhabi. What are you talking about, man? Or in a school? Alright, it's strength, right?

It's like the average kid weighs 90 pounds. How much can you bench press? More than that. Yeah, so they start running their mouth and you turn around and you think, I could crush this kid's face with my bare hands, but I'm not allowed to. He's never even seen that shit before and he's walking around thinking he's some tough guy. I I love Steve. So this is his rage real quick. Not being able to assault children. Yeah, that's what makes him a

rage. I love it. You know what sucks about with kids though is because you want to burn them, but they don't have they don't have the ability to understand that they got burned. Exactly. So they're hitting you with like, with like middle school level burns and you're nailing them back, but they don't understand.

Pearls before swine. Yeah, but and then there's a group of them and none of them understand what I mean. You just look like, you look like you don't get it. Yeah. And you're like, listen, I get it. I get it, I get it more than all of you. You won't get it for another 20 years.

Yeah, you'll have, and you won't even remember this. That's how badly I just got you, but they don't. When you're like, you're as stupid as late period Mike Myers movies, and they don't get it. And it's like, that's real smart, real funny. Yeah, that's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, exactly. All right, is that about right, Steve?

Yeah, everything I heard sounded good. Well, good luck in Abu Dhabi. Steve, real quick, before you leave, Steve, when was the last time you were in a fight? Me? Yesterday, please take me. I guess a year ago, what happened? How'd you win? I hit in the face of the liquor bottle.

Oh, with that. Yeah, we know that story. Well, that wasn't a fight. That was a drug king been trying to kill you. You got any advice for a stereo? How do you and how to win his fight in a fight. I think it's time for a rage royale We need to all get the top 10 in a ring and figure this out for this champion belt It's not a bad idea. All right get get out of here go work on your security clearance All right, I'll see you soon

See you. It's always something new with him. The last thing I expected this guy who's notorious for sleeping with a drug king, pins, hot girlfriend to say was, I'm going to go teach theater and Abu Dhabi. That's the last thing you found him in the desert. Yeah. He got into the drug trade. Now he's going overseas to teach theater. Does he have like a theater background? What?

Yes, he does. Yeah, theater construction. That's how I met him. Because he was building all of our camp stuff for Burning Man. So he built the stage. Like he's got a theater and a theater construction. How did you, but he lived, wasn't he living in like Oklahoma?

Yeah, he was living in Oklahoma. So you found, you guys like found each other online or something? We met at, don't he living in like Oklahoma? Or something? Yeah, he was living in Oklahoma. So you guys like found each other online or something? We met at, don't make it a gay thing. You don't make it like a weird hooking up thing. We met at Burning Man. And then you hired him at Burning Man or something to build all your shit?

No, he was in the camp. He was like camping there and building all the stuff. Like he knew guys. I thought he was working on one of your projects. No, no, no. Okay, all right, no. All right, all right, let me see if I got the stuff. He knew guys. I thought he was working on one of your projects. No, no, no. Okay, all right, no. All right, let me see if I got other stuff. I got some real, I got a new thing.

I got one last thing to do before we're out of here. I got fucking voicemails too. Fuck, man. This flew by. I know. It always does. I always get, I don't know where the time goes. I always got a bunch of stuff left over.

There's a lot of Vietnamese boxing talk this episode. Cut all that. Cut all this stuff about the guy from Vietnam that taught me how to fight. Cut out, cut out all of his stereos. Cut, damn it! Like when you were out here. Like when you erased yourself from that episode.

Which, oh, the, oh yeah, yeah. The fur, I think you brought in a problem on 50. Was it 50? Oh yeah, it was 52 or whatever, right? I think you brought in a problem on 50. Was it 50? Oh, yeah, it was 52 or whatever, right? Because I think you overdubbed it with cool shots. No, it was just gone. So Sean brought in a problem and then he didn't like it. So he cut it and listening to it,

it was like it never happened. It was the weirdest, hearing it, it was like it, it was like a scalpel the way you cut that problem out. Oh, yeah. And that's where cool Sean came from. All right. It was like, it was like a scalpel, the way you cut that problem out. And that's where Cool Sean came from. All right. So, Hayeson, there's so much, there's so much gossip surrounding the show

that I asked Hayeson Cruz, I don't know if I'm, I think it's Haazen Cruz, and Jamie Lynn Hughes, to cover the hot gossip stories around the show that I can't follow up on. Sean, you see what I'm saying? Too much. There's just too much. You got Dustin over here, you got Steven over here.

There's many parties involved. I'll try to take the throne. I don't know what that throne is. There's a most active listener base of any show I can think of. We've got fist fights happening over Twitter. Yeah. People, Asterios, you would have never had any interaction with a moderator of the Donald. I can assume. No. No, never. But because of this show, bringing people together. Yeah. Bring people together. It's like,. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. of moderate or you're the head moderator right of the Donald. I am not the head moderator. I'm just a standard moderator, I guess you could say.

And you were the one who actually did a resume day. I did, I heard him on the Dixho and I can't allow that kind of degeneracy to infect the sub. I decided to ban him. It was a youth that sent something here about him actually using birth control. Yes, that was my comment on the Dixiel.

Right now, do you feel like he's more like a pill guy or does he actually get like a doctor to install the marina up and it's VJJ? He probably receives it straight from the bull. Do you think his doctor is female? Well, I mean, I don't want to assume his doctor's gender. All right, let's try another one. You have openly challenged the stereos to a, you know, this annoying liberal comedian

that's living in Manhattan to a fist fight. Is this going to be like a boxing match or the reading gloves or is this just like fist cuffs? I challenge him to a barren circle throw down in the street, you know, something, something simple, something that's a man can watch and respect. But Astero has since tried to pivot towards a boxing match with gloves and a referee and a medic standing by to revive them, I guess. Astero is 100% shitting his pants right now.

He publicly accepted the challenge. I am more than willing to drive to New York. I told him what we would do is and then immediately he post on Reddit that he's going to release my personal information and my personal name and that he wants people to harass my friends, my family, and my employer. Let's stop it right there. Okay. No, I didn't. I've never heard of a boxing match where one of the people was anonymous. I just assumed that if we were going to get into a boxing match on live television, people

would know his name. I assume he'd be fucking doxing himself. Yeah. But I don't care about that. Okay. Whatever you want to call yourself, buddy, you put on a mask, no mask, name, no name, car yourself a war or whatever the fuck you want, you're going down. Okay. Are you shitting yourself? Like he says? Name, no name, car yourself, a war or whatever the fuck you want. You're going down.

Okay. Are you shitting yourself? Like he says? I'm always shitting myself because my diet's so terrible. But it has nothing to do with him. That's good. You can't really expect two things out of this fight.

I feel like here. You feel like you feel pretty certain you're gonna win this fight. Not only that, but you feel certain that there probably won't be one because once you actually go up there, he's probably gonna push you out. Well, he's probably going to push you out. Well, he's he's already trying to weasel his way out of this by adding qualifiers.

That's true. Is that true? There are no qualifiers. Okay. Do it. Just show up, buddy. Just show up. I want my shot at you.

I want this fight. Just show. Here's the qualifier. Don't push out. That's my qualifier. Don't push out. That's my qualifier. Don't push out. Show up to the fight. We're both gonna make a little money

and you're gonna take a nice nap. All right, I don't know about the money part, but the rest sounds good. I'm not fighting, I'm not making money. What are you talking about? Too much medical dead I'm in? See all the qualifiers that he's put in now, he's gotta get make money off of this.

I'm not fighting for free. All of a sudden he's got to get make money off of this. I'm not funny for free. All of a sudden he's a professional boxer never fought one time. Professional boxer hysterios. I'll play one more. Now we know a serious in the Dicto community as sneaky Greek. Do you feel like he's going to try to do the whole cartoon thing where he puts a fucking horseshoe in his glove or he's like trying to do some steroids before something? Wait a minute. That's, that's the question.

He's not wrong though. Like, your plan is to be the blob from the X-Men arcade game. That's not sneaky. I'm giving him my plan. I'm not going to put on a horse. I do do some steroids before something. I haven't considered that. I don't considered that.

I don't think that I even offered as a handicap since I'm in, you know, such superior shape the stereos that I would allow him to stab me anywhere in the abdomen with a two-inch blade prior to the fight. So I don't think that him trying to bring a horseshoe in would give him any more of an advantage. So these are your terms. He's allowed to stab you once. With a two-inch blade. I like competition. I like things to be an even match. That's yeah. That's why if you challenge a

chunky comedian to a fist fight, you want to try and give him some handicap so it'll be a little bit more little even-sided. I think you got to fight both of these guys. I can't fight every asshole on the internet. The rest of my life can't be people calling me out. This is the one fight I will ever get into. I'm immediately retiring from fighting after this. Okay, you know, whether winter lose? Yeah, okay, I don't care. It's easy for this guy to make to make gags

about my appearance, because he knows what I look like. Yeah. I don't know what this guy looks like. And I accept the fight. I don't know anything this guy looks like. And I accept the fight. I don't know anything about this guy. That's true. That's very brave. He could send Kimbo slices fucking 500 pound grandson.

Of course. I don't know. I'm showing up. We can't get Bernie's. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You got we can get Bernie's, you got some clips on me.

You said go in the guy's zombie in the middle of the ring. And I'm kissing the canvas. That's the cadaver episode. Oh my God! Me versus cadaver, look. I don't care. Kimbo slices corpse. Yeah, versus sliced.

I'm a cadaver. That's the ringer. The ringer is Kimbo. They got Kimbo slices corpse out of the ground. It's, it's cadaver versus Kimbo slice. Now look, I don't blame this guy for trying to make hey out of nothing, because he's got absolutely nothing. He knows he's wrong, he knows he's a huge pussy.

He knows he's challenging someone, he knows he's not gonna, I don't know how much this guy weighs. I don't know what he looks like. I'm gonna beat him. You guys trained, please. I'm God, get on a bicycle. I am going to train, I'm going to Golden Corral later today. Oh Oh God. And I'm going to eat buttermilk biscuit and chicken and chicken fingers shaped like dinosaur's the strongest of the animal. All right. I got I got a bunch more. I'll

play I'll play some more next week. Hasn't cruised the God Squad is also uncovered a a Facebook a Facebook coup. Secret a secret Facebook. Again then the Facebook. Again, Dustin, who might have a problem with anything Dustin does. All of his decisions are entertaining and make logical sense. It's been the Dix show, go to Dix show, thedix show.com. Patreon.com slash the Dix show. Patreon.com slash stereos.

Also, Patreon.com slash hysterios. You got anything else you want to plug? The science friction podcast. Yes, I want people to go to sciencefriction.fun. We just released our first ever bonus episode. It's an hour and 14 minute long. It's me, one of the guys from Star Wars Minute, a writer from the Daily Show, and the hilarious Swaracha.

You pay a buck, and you can hear it. It's a full on app. It's actually our longest episode, and it's our bonus episode. You go to sciencefriction.fun to subscribe. You go to Patreon.com. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Sciencefriction.fun. Yeah, it's a fun show. There science friction dot fun to subscribe. You got a Patreon.com. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Science friction dot fun. Yeah, it's a fun show.

There's a dot fun. Yes, science go to it now. Science friction dot fun. It's a fun show. I got the most fun domain. Yeah, that's fun. It is fun. You got to dig that show.

Is there like an ass dot fun? Let's find out. See if there's an ass dot. All these don't, why do they even, why do they trickle them out? Why don't they just put the whole dictionary, why don't they just let you register fucking anything? Yeah.

You can, you can have super long because they opened, they changed it from like a four digit IP to a six digit IP thing so that it opened up domains to just be entire words. That's like a friend of like gibberish. You know, you know this stuff for it. I was saying it because I thought you might give me the real information because you're an actual technologist. But my friend registered chocolate.cho's.

Choo's? Choo's. S-H-O-E-S. Much like the short film that Al Bundy made. Yes, she is. Yeah, exactly. An episode. I love it. How's that choo? made. Yeah, she has. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I love it.

How is that shoes? Chocolate dot shoes. How many domain names of dots shoes do they need to be? Right. What are you racing the type? Oh, dot shoes. Shicks love shoes. Like every is every different thing going to be real real quick.

How many pairs of shoes does he use about half? I got probably have 10. Oh, okay. I got two pairs of shoes. it use to us half? I got two. I probably have 10. Oh, okay. I got two pairs of shoes. How about you? I have like four or five. All right, you're both bigger pussy-simmies. This has been the Dic-Joh!

You have four or five? You only have two pairs of shoes. Four or five? What do you like? Is that some kind of Greek cobbling thing? You've been piecing them together for 12 years? I just, I don't like having too many. If I have too much choice, it's paralyzing.

I got two pairs of just one for, one for, you know, one is blue and one is black. And that way, like if I'm wearing like jeans, I wear the blue shoes. If I'm wearing black pants, I wear the black shoes. All right, this is in the next show. Check out sciencefriction.fun. Sciencefriction.fun.

Who already has your bonus episode. Two episodes in, they already got a bonus episode. Yeah, why not? Why not? I care about the Patreon audience, these people are nice to me. We're gonna be doing a bonus episode. We episodes in, they already got a bonus episode. Yeah, why not? Why not? I care about the Patreon audience, these people are nice to me. We're gonna be doing a bonus episode.

We're gonna take a little break right now with do a bonus episode. I'll probably launch them on the same day. You know, why not? So you see, people can book ended. They can, they can, Lord of the Rings this today with us, they can do a two hour and it's two hour. Maybe we'll do a director's cut, put everything in there.

There you go. Patreon or Com slash the Diction. We just did a commentary track with Mad Cucks. Check it out, see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. Today's closing song is, everything is a contest by my room records. Here you go.

Check the Reddit, check the page for content, come in through, check the Facebook Facebook stupid dust in nothing new Fibs shows is coming on reason why I wrote this song Memorades Adjust how far we've come alone To get shot this once for you

I'll leave come alone Dick and Sean this once for you Oh I'm surprised The stars and ladcucks feature mercy too The dick you need in love And I want this here to bring the lightest of us

Coming up If everything's a contest Nothing is Up! The jazz of couple hours is like a night The week will spend waiting again The hear the test of cast That's when they'll see you then Tuesday morning, singing out, singing out again. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, then nothing is, but you know what? It is. Words to live by.

Yeah. Oh, man. It's getting even more intense right now. It's pulsing. more intense right now. It's pulsing. Ting. It needs a triangle. Ting.

BONG. Somebody saying Dustin should ref the fight. Should be the ref for the boxing fight. No, you wanted the very first thing I announced on Twitter? Dustin is banned from ringside. I don't want Dustin fucking this up for me. He accidentally puts liquid, he doesn't put crystal Pepsi in my bottle of water. He like, he sweats so much that I trip. Justin is banned from ringside. And if you don't believe me,

go to Twitter account, I'm sorry, just stereos,, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, real ref and you're going to do color commentator tating and it would no dust in it should be me and madman alive is going to be the ring girl. If you're going to for it. My goodness. I probably should have asked her before now. Yeah, she's going to be the ring girl. All right. Let's see. I got some voice emails here. Hey, that was a I was, uh, I've been in some, doing some training to the military for the past few months. I was looking at the long list of dick shows that I've missed.

I was like, man, it's a long list. So I'm like, and it all just starts for us, like, with the brand new episode. Side again, sweat. I'm so glad I started back. Like, I had to pick up some fucking February Santa Cuck though So that's my

I heard my life. I'm so sad I missed out on it when it was happening, but now that fun to listen to Thanks for all the chuckles and all the laughs. See you Santa Cuck You made that guys you made that guys training basic training. That's a cook. You made that guys training. Basic training. That's really cool. I'm really happy to hear that. Hey, Dick.

This is Anthony from Orlando, Florida. I'm just calling to say that I hope that Cheerios got more of the fuck boys in the outer space. That guy is a fucking moron. I don't care who you voted for. I don't care what your politics are a few years is awesome and he's on the cunex Tuesday network for a fucking reason

he's stuck by you during the home maddox thing for it he hangs around with a lot of conservatives and just funny business conservative because he realized that there are people in the end and we just want to have a laugh for sure the bus boys just can't take himself outside of his own perspective and his own politics to think for a second.

Or maybe this guy's alright, you can take it too. He put his throat on the line for a bitch and then fall through and throw it for Donald Trump. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter who gives a shit. Fuck you, world of fuck boys. I'm the whole world of Donald's out on me. I don't care

My name is Anthony. I live in Orlando Florida. You can look me up. I'm on the Ditch show Facebook group I will fight you after a series is done with you Fight me next you get too black guys. How's that war the fuck boys? I'll fuck yourself, but not in a funny bit way like actually fuck yourself and then die Two things one war the fuck boys. That's a quality burn that I'm stealing And what was his name Anthony Orlando Anthony? Email me at stereos.co.co.co.co.co.co.co.co I'm gonna pay pal you $10. I want that joke.

B Throwing money around that. He really is a professional fighter. I buy two. My Tyson over Yeah, yeah, give me that. I'm peeling off Killing off Hamilton's over here to my brother. I buy jokes. I buy jokes people. I hire peach to I buy jokes Anyway, second thing I'm gonna say is this fucking war the fuck boys guy is afraid. Oh, the stairs is gonna. Daxmy Yeah, guess what?

most of my fans are conservatives who agree with your politics. You run a hive mind of six million insane people who are all going to come after me and the people I love. And I will give me a break after the people you love. What do you mean? The Donald's gonna come after the people you love with what, spicy memes. Oh right, right, because that would never happen to your girlfriend. Oh wait, it is currently.

Yeah. Right, that's what these people do. You think the Donald's gonna come after you? I absolutely do, because I think that, because I hope not. In every, here's the thing, 99% of a group is fine.

Yeah. There's always the 1% that's insane, and you know that about the Dixio people. For example, there's a, there's a crazy guy who we were talking about last night, who's a fan of you? Who's completely insane. He's one of the people behind the coup. And it's like, that guy's dangerous.

Do I think that 99% of the people at the Donald will come after me? No, but it takes one to fuck you, just like it is with Maddox and the rest of Madcast media It's just one crazy guy to fuck you and I'm still willing to fight I'm gonna get in the ring. I don't need to know your name. You can have every fucking advantage in the world You can have my you know where I live You know my first name my last name you got pictures of me the only picture we're gonna get at you is you kissing the canvas You're dead buddy. I can't wait. All right. Here's another one for you. Hey, Dick, I just heard your

last episode and I heard that a serious was going to be on the next one. Now this is something I've been needing to call in for a little while and I just, you know, never got around to it. But I wanted to call in and think I'm serious for his amazing tip on a posture way back in the biggest problem. He said, you know, walk around like there's hooks in your nipples. And I've been doing that for about the past however long since the episode aired and you know, people have been giving me a lot more compliments.

They said that I've lost weight, which is completely honest, that probably haven't, but just sticking your nipples out totally makes you look like you lost weight. It's a great fit. Anyone that wants to, you know, feel better about themselves walk around with your nipples out. makes you look like you lost weight. It's a great fit. Anyone that wants to feel better about themselves, walk around with your nipples out. It's great, fantastic. All right, go fuck yourself. I wasn't, I didn't want to say this at the time

because I didn't want to out her, but Peach saliva taught me that trick. Really? Yeah, so I'm nicer to picture that. Yeah, oh my God, she said that. She now doesn't, I can't make more sense. Yeah, it does. Because she has that. She now doesn't make more sense. Yeah, it does.

Because she has the most perfect posture I've ever seen. She's like a fucking porcelain doll this gross back and she's she top of the nipple hook trick. All right, let me just reboot my brain for a second to think about what I'm doing here. Okay, here we go. Oh, that's really sucks. I wish he wasn't on the show anymore. He does nothing for the show. Does anybody want to buy any used buildings? I know this guy is so cool. Oh, dick, I wish you would love me. I'm just gonna make myself. I'm gonna be doing all good equipment on the show. Oh.

Uh, Steven pissed a lot of people off last week. Yeah, I thought that was a good conversation, but I love that call. That that call was great. I love that guy too. I think both of those guys. But Dustin is why is Dustin so triggering? Why here? Because you guys got a theory. Let's hear it. Okay, so everybody's showing on Dustin for the wrong reasons that, at least I'm only on reason

number one on the podcast. I had to pause it. The reason why Dustin is so quote, cringey is because it's like listening to Ben Stein. That's the fucking problem. His voice is so fucking bland that he can't hit high note, he can't hit low notes, he just kinda, hey, what's up, Dickhead? This is Dustin. And I just wanted to say that I have some things in the mix for the Facebook group

because I'm the Facebook group But it just fucking stops. It's his voice. I hate his voice and as a fellow Dustin I'm ashamed to be called Dustin. Oh, no, but people say hey, don't something. Oh, just just call me D.P or something like anything Call me D.P. because that guy has taken something beautiful Which is the name that I was born in D.P. He's called it before my fuckers, but he's taken something beautiful, which was my name. Now he can't create it. Now when he uses his own name, well, he's got some D.P.

He has his voice stuck. And I get that I sound like a fucking fat Steve Virgo, but whatever. At least there's some character to it. Okay. I don't sound like fucking Siri in the in the beta testing See you next Tuesday That's the guy who got in trouble at a meeting. I need to learn how to say goodbye on the phone. Yeah For saying see you next Tuesday. I mean got written up for it. Oh my god Yeah, that's the same guy. All right, I got one more, one more, and then we get to take a break and eat some lunch. Right, what we can hear is today, to put where I've pulled my car over in the United Kingdom

and we can get in a minute and then we'll put off my mobile, you'll have to be about two pounds a minute, which is probably about £0.50 after Brexit. It's you talking about a great British institution, Thomas Assange and Colin, someone, Lord Top Huntington, he's a fat controller. Do you know why he's called the fat controller? Because he's a fat ass shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's written by a Reverend as a model lesson to us all. If one of the trains doesn't do his job properly, some shit goes down and everyone learns a lesson. He's called the fat controller because he's fat ass shit and if you two know that,

you're fat ass shit. You know that? You're talking about you will look like the fat controller. I know, I imagine it's because of your snowflake mentality in the USA. What a little chat, chatting to it in school gets upset and bullied because it's a beast, no, well good. Good. If he's that fat in school and the kids get bullied,

but more seriously, whatever grade or whatever grade you're having over there, and it means you lose some weight and shift the task, then I'll be happy as happy as fucking laddie, if the fat controller dick her foot yourself, you're on the way up so you're like you cleared up and your voice gets back to normal, if fucking fat controller. The fat controller, the fat controller. Yeah. So in America, the person in charge of- That's how it's sounding, accent. You know?

In the American version of Thomas the Tank Engine, the person in charge is named Sir Topham Hat. In Britain, where Thomas the Tank Engine came from, his name is the fat controller. The fat controller. The fat controller. That's the way you're better. By the way sir

real fat guy i like shirt up that better i just think that's funny now that controllers way funny it's funny it but it's the fact controller is funny refers but after a while it wears off the guy is it like this motherfucker that here comes the fat the fat controller got nothing to lose all because coming into bus balls like yeah what's up here comes the fat- The fat controller's got nothing to lose. Oh my god. He's just coming into bus balls. Like yeah, what's up? It's me, the fat controller. What the fuck?

What's up? What, you got something to say? I'm known as the- A bitch, I call myself the fat controller. You think you are gonna stop that? You think you got something new to add to that? You shut the fuck up and pull this train. That's it.

Oh, can do so. Fuckin' speak to me. You're making real good points. So top of mad is like he's got pretense. He sounds like an asshole. He wears a sash 24-7. Yeah, he does it. You convinced me, I'm wrong.

Fat controller wins. Fat controller wins. All right, that's good. See you next Tuesday. Bye, everybody. We'll see you in the bonus episode. Bye everybody, we'll see you in the bonus episode.