The Dick Show - Episode 501 - Dick on Sol Ringers

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

Netenyahu is dead, ripping up library books, a guy dies because his ambulance gets stolen, Malcom in the Middle is raped, the Manosphere is devastated, treason on TikTok, 10,000 cops show up for a synagogue shooting, Maddox plays Magic: the Gathering; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

What is this? I don't know what this is. I've cracked it for you. Oh, you cracked it for me? Thanks Um Live events. That's the leg day IPA. That's the 20 million dollar Man IPA You have to be the one to do this fucking work? Yeah, there we go. I've been holding on to this for I don't know how long Six years seven years so I don't want to insult the people who made these for me, but listen they've been in the fridge for a long, long time, and I don't know what kind of effect that has on like home brew

beer. I don't know if it was amazing. It's not store-bought, Randy, okay? It's not a store-bought burger. So I don't know what, I know this is the $20 million-dollar leg day IPA. You can see it's evaporated down to about the halfway point. That's probably not good. That's botulism, right? Is it botulism? What can we get from this? Is it botulism when you shit your pants? Is that botulism, Johnny?

Then I must have had botulism this whole past 30-6 years. I go to the doctor. I get it inject. I was like, you're injecting bitches with shitting the pants in their face, right? Give me some of that. Man, it's like when they were putting

Olean and everything. God, that was great. Did you have any of those? Olean chips? No, well, I remember my teacher had some. Your teacher? At the time.

Did she shits a lot? eating them during her break. Oh. And then just... Just get a make a break for it. And I just remember being like, what is it with the... I'm like, there's got to be some scam in this somewhere. There always is, right?

And the scam is, well, you shoot your pants. I'm just cleaning everything out. My wife was putting a... My wife was going to this mom's watch. I almost called it the name of the show that I always call it when the cameras are not on. It's the show where... It's a show called.

love is blind. It's a hilarious prank show where they get the most desperate men in the world and pair them up with fat women, date them blind and pretend to be in love and say they in love part on a camera so they can't take it back, and they have to pretend that they want to plow these girls for six weeks. It's hilarious.

It's a hilarious prank show. She was there having a mom's watch this I really want to say it, but I can't. Not in these times. Not in these trying times. Not in these trying times. Not when Now when synagogues are getting attacked Now is the time to really button it up

Really button it up Did you get... Are you safe from the Iran drone attack? Did you get hit? They said there were submarines off the coast They were shooting drones Iran had hijacked a submarine And they were taking drones and shooting them Tom Clancy style

Was completely unaffected The Ayatollah's son was a big Tom Clancy fan. He's like, now I'm in charge. It's got to feel good, right? It's got to at some level. Somebody had to be glad. You know, your dad's 80, right?

If your father, okay, look, if my dad, my dad's 70-something, if he was in charge of Iran and I'm second in line, and you know, you can't just step down, you know, you're like basically you're talking to God. And then he gets hit in a missile strike. I'm like, you know, I really miss you, dad. And that sucks, but I'm in charge now. You know?

You've fucked around. You could have easily faked your death a long time ago. Right. You could have gone underground, gone into the tunnels, popped up in Tahiti somewhere where the facelift. But you didn't, because you liked being the peaceful Ayatollah. Well, now I'm here. So I don't know.

Cheers, buddy. Let's see what these are. Don't make a face. someone who really loves the show made them for us that's right hmm it's great what is it

it's like a mead I was thinking of like apple cider vinegar it's an apple cider that's what it was I'm not I don't think I should touch this leg day I don't trust beers that are half drunk before I open them but I'm gonna do it by the end of the show

um oh skin melting off my face with this one this is crazy the cider we got the irradiated home brews So my wife's putting a cheese platter into the fridge for her mom's night out

For her mom's night in watching television All the local moms in the neighborhood are getting together to watch the N-words and Hors shows Did I call it? Ends and W's And she says I gotta go pick something up But she comes back with a cheese platter I mean, Null would have come at his pants he sees the cheese platter like this Well what kind of cheese are you talking?

talking about here. Every kind. Every kind. Every kind. And three pieces, eight pieces of salami. I'm like, what the fuck is this? They fucked. What kind of salami? You got about six pounds of cheese and eight pieces of salami? What the fuck? She goes, I know. I thought the same thing. What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm like, I don't know. You should have picked up, you should have checked a box for like, I want some salami with not like a hint of salami. I want the real deal. I want some salami. Something at the store made them think that you were getting plenty of salami at home. You can't use it as a fucking garnish.

No, it's fucking bullshit. I don't know what these broads are supposed to do. Peel off salamis, one by one. That's insane. I said, that's all right, but I knew in the back of my head, I was like, you know what, it doesn't matter. Because all that cheese is coming home. So I said, you know, make sure you get that cheese, any of it, especially the soft stuff. If they didn't scrape it off their plates, if they didn't eat it all.

I want it all. Don't leave it behind. I was cleaning out a spot in this fridge. The fridge, she brings it home. And I was like, I see it. I could see her struggling with her in the driveway. I'm like, yeah, that's all mine. All my cheese.

Mn, num, num, m'n, m'n, right? Here we go, here we go, buddy. So I had to go clear a place in the fridge for it, and I found these beers in the back. Like, I can't. If I don't drink these today, I'm never going to drink them. They're going to be in here another 10 years. I'm going to be moving and I'm going to be moving these fucking novelty beers around. So let's do it.

Man. I got to remember it's cider. Cider should come in a sippy cup or a can. Not a bottle. You're tricking me. It's like if there was a bottle that was also a cigarette and then I drink it in a bunch of smoke fills my lungs. I'd be like, what the fuck? But I want the cigarette.

you understand? Just not in that form factor. It's just going to trick me. It's tricking me. Something else does that to me every time. Like if you took a bottle of dime tap and filled it with orange juice, and you're like, here you go. Oh, God, I would be, and I want the orange juice.

Right. I just don't want to drink it out of a dime-a-tap bottle. You understand. Especially when I'm trying to chug Diamond Tats. That's what I'm trying to get fucking robo-tripped out, man. Robo-tripping. All right. I don't know.

I don't know what I'm doing today. Dick. You see this? See this thing? Uh, where is it? Yeah! Welcome Dick! You want Dick you need.

Dick, you want Dick, you love Dick, you want Dick, you need Dick, you got it! Some version of that. This is a show I'm all fucked up today. You want Dick, you need Dick, you love Dick, you got it! It's the only show where, uh, wherever's a contest. Coming to you live from Mountain Bunker Deep in the Heart of the Heart of the show. City of Failure. I'm your host, Nick Masterson. Join me as always is Joddy the audio engineer.

What's going on, buddy? Clearing these out is like a deep sliver in my mind. It's like throwing crutches away. Get the hell. Get out of here. I feel like it's like in a, what game was it, Deus X? Yeah. When you take the implant chip or you get the upgrade. Yeah.

And you don't realize how it fucks you until much later. So I feel like us taking sip to this right now. We're going to get about an hour to half in. We're getting dip theory. or something, man. We're getting the organ tree. We're getting violet Beauregard. Somebody get gravedigger on the line just in case.

I'm going to shit my ass out. I'm going to shit my pants. It's going to be poop from the box. Okay, look at this. Look at this. Have you ever seen so many cops? Look at this. Wow.

There's cops. They're going the wrong way. It looks like AI. Looks like somebody spilled micromachines everywhere. That's cops. Somebody got their family killed, tried to shoot up a synagogue or something. something like that. I don't know. Somebody who got their direct family killed by

Israel. Jesus. Is that every cop in the state? Look at that. They're shooting the Blues Brothers 3 here. Look at this. Look at these parks. See, this guy's like, fuck it. I'm just walling off the whole, I'm walling off the whole road here.

These cops are like shooting off. These cops got there earlier and they're like, oh no, it's a synagogue. This is going to be a big one. Yeah. A lot of overtime coming in on this. I'm going to park way the fuck off. I'm parking in somebody's, let's park down, honey, let's park our cop car down the street and walk. Then we can get out easily.

You know your father. He likes to park far away from the synagogue. So yeah, so we can beat the traffic. We don't get stuck in traffic when we leave. We do a little jog to get to get to the car. We can get right on the I-90 here. It's a lot of fucking cops. The more I look at it, the more I'm like, what the fuck? Has any cops like this ever showed up any other time in history?

I think of you Jaywalk in Burbank. That happens too. Yeah, yeah. If you think about smoking on the street out in the open in Burbank, this is the cop response. Maybe half of this they'll send. Because of traffic, but I don't know. At some point, did one of these cops say, I don't know, this is probably too many cops. This is going to look bad. I don't know if we need every cop. Was there one cop that's not here, like that Nazi picture where the one Nazi's not saluting? and he's the cop that's just like fighting crime or out there somewhere?

Well, if you don't show up, that's anti-Semitic. Oh, man. Man, oh man. Happy anniversary of the lockdowns. And you're excited about that. I can't believe it's already been that long. Six years? Something like that.

Jesus. Is that in Yahoo dead? Do you know, Johnny? All this coffee cup talk. I'm so glad. you saw that too. Yeah. I love these AI guys.

I love them. Yeah. Netanyahu posted like a, oh, hello there video, you know? Oh, hello. Oh, hello. You know? I'm sorry, I died. Oh, hi.

Oh. I'm sorry. I died. They put a Chinese, they accidentally uploaded the silly one. They put a Chinese voice on Nanyahu. Well, it's him doing the thing. Nihahu doesn't talk like that. Yeah, they crisscrossed his eyes. They goofed up his eyes. He's pointing the wrong way. These guys that are like going over every

Nanyahu video and saying it's AI. I like that they start with the premise, it's AI and then try to prove it. Because there was another one where he's given a speech and they're like, it's AI. It's six fingers. I'm like, that's not six fingers. That ain't six finger AI. And then they're like, and the flags don't move. And I said, that can't be. What the fuck? The flags don't move. The flags are superimposed. What? Why would they do that? Why would they tamper with the video at all? Dude I knew at some point with all this AI shit it was going to get to this. Yeah. And here we are, so I'm like, man. Here he is, right?

Now we're actually faced with them. Here's your friendly neighborhood mass murderer. Stop it in for a cup of Joe. What do they call it there? They don't call it that, do they? In Israel? A cup of Shalom. Cup of Shlomo. The cup of your tax dollars. Cup of Jew. That's what they call.

Hats, you can't call it that. Out there, that's just called a cup. Yeah, like they call their money shekels. That's like a joke. It's like, we can say that, but you can't. Like, God damn it. So you made your whole money system shekels? Yeah.

What do you think about that? Anything, anything funny? Anything about that strike you as humorous? Oh! Huh? Would you say it's a little on the nose? Like, no, I wasn't thinking that. I wasn't thinking that at all.

It was just interesting. I wanted to learn more about it. That's all. That's cool. Just fascinated. It's fascinating. My name. Milderclature.

Am I allowed to, like, ask for prices? And stuff? In the Chequels or, yeah. When I was in Israel, I would go, no matter where it was, you know, we were stocking up to go to midburn, the Israeli burning man. Oh, right. And that's what I would be in line. We bought like a week's worth of supplies, right?

You know, kosher hot dogs, kosher sleeping bags, all this stuff. And I'd be, I was in line and I'd say, And how many shekels is this one? And how many shekels is this one? And how many shekels is this one? And how many shekels is this deli meat? And this is kosher? Yeah, it's called shekels.

Okay, here's Netanyahu grabbing a cup of Joe. Say it correctly. Look at this. Look at that. The coffee? What is he the fucking world champion of coffee holding? Look at that coffee. It's staying...

Johnny, that's obviously AI and he is dead. That coffee is staying perfectly in that. Dude, even initial D's premise wasn't that insane. That right there is coffee coming out of the cup. Coffee coming out of the cup. That's fucking AI. He's coffee bending. He's a fucking coffee bender.

That's what everyone's fucking... missing is this is actually a video of him bragging about coffee bending and everyone thinks he's dead he's like no I'm alive and well he can't turn it off he's like Charles Xavier with dementia you know he can't turn his coffee bending powers up oh yeah there's like no fucking way right so the guy so the guy tries to shoot up of synagogue I guess because Israel killed his whole family damn Two of them were terrorists, two of them were kids. So we're in a rough spot here.

Because it's real easy for both sides to ignore the other two, right? Yeah. Hmm, you got two and two? Hmm, that's tough. Net zero. And we're the kids? Were they both boys? Because then I could, they're going to be terrorists for sure.

Oh, one boy and one girl. Ooh, that's rough. Yeah, 25% your favor. That's a rough one. Keep splitting hairs here. they send out every cop in the state and then you got to read a bunch of people write essays about how

just because a foreign government kills your family doesn't mean you have a right to kill people who worship a religion that's intimately tied to that government and I think gosh I don't know Have you guys watched American movies? Because they killed a guy's dog And then he pretty much killed everybody

That like they knew And everyone said that's the most awesome thing That they've ever seen Guys like get their car scratched And then kill basically everybody I don't know I don't know like I understand what you're saying But do you?

Right Do you? I think if you did I think if you did You'd be writing that in Farsi Not English It's devoid of any cultural context Mm-hmm.

So you're going to be protesting movies? Hey, by the way, I think it's a little bit too late. I think you already taught everyone that revenge is like totally cool, especially when it happens to your family, and that it kind of doesn't matter. I thought that was like the whole thing you guys were. I guess that's the bitch about like having army parades and stuff. Yeah.

Like, well, you know you're teaching them stuff that's really going to be really hard to unlearn. We got some books from the library. The actual library? One of the many neighborhood libraries. One of the many. There's a lot of libraries, man. There's too many.

There's no way people are reading that many fucking books. No, no. And we go to them and like, there's just kind of like weirdos sitting around studying for stuff, MCAT tests and stuff. I don't get it. And they're all brand new. thought they'd be more dilapidated.

Yeah. Like everything else. But they're like brand spanking new. All these libraries. My wife takes her sundown. The library grabs in the library card. And she comes back and she's like, look at all these books. I got, isn't this amazing?

I'm like, this is the most amazing shit I've ever seen. All these fucking books for free. She's like, can you get them for three weeks? You can get 30 books. Isn't that crazy? Like, yeah. It's fucking crazy. Max that shit out.

Let's get the max of. amount of free books we fucking can because the books we've been getting are um are bullshit we had to send back a slew of books we got we got a uh jack in the beanstock book open it up we're all excited hey dude check this out it's about uh jacking the beanstock this is a guy who basically breaks the system he does everything you're not supposed to do disobeys everyone kills goes in their house

robs it kills him tail against system beating man he fucks up does something dumb and then it gets magical beans climbs that

murders the only person he meets up there it's a fucking dope story this about America so I get to the good part right oh yeah you're gonna love this

here comes the here comes the giant check this guy out he's fucked he's fucking ass he sucks he sucks he sucks he's inconsiderate

to his to his possessions. He thinks he can eat bones, dude. Yeah, he thinks he can eat bones, and he tells everyone they smell bad. It's a real, that's a real big no-no. If someone says they could smell your blood, you can kill them.

He's a big asshole for that. So I turned the page expecting to see this big, dumb motherfucker there, right? Let's see this giant in this book. In this book, let's see this motherfucker. And what do I see there? A green alien thing, and it says the ogre, said the troll. It was a troll.

And I said, what the fuck? What the fuck is this? I had to stop reading the book. I'm like, what the fuck is this? I look at the back and it's a jacking the beanstalk. Yeah, it's a giant beanstalk. What the fuck is this? I open it back up.

A green ogre man, right? I'll go through. All right, I can't read the rest of this. I can't get into this ogre shit. He's a giant. Yeah, he's a... Why would they rewrite that? I don't know.

So then I got him another book, it was just a little red riding head, right? And I get to the part where's the wolf, and just like, you know, in red riding, it's like, uh, something's going on here. Something's wrong with your teeth. If it's the same green ogre guy that I'm in. And the teeth goes,

and the wolf goes, oh yeah, I got big teeth so I could smile or something like that. And I'm like, that's not the, it's the better, it's the better to, uh, something,

the better to eat you with or something like that. Like, this is not the, this isn't the right words? What is this like, AI, kids' books? I keep going and it's like, oh, you got some hairy arms. Grandma? She's like, oh yeah, I use those to hug. Like, that's not the right words. That's fucking crazy.

Yeah, every single one. The Three Little Pigs was, you know, not by the hair of my chin, chin, except it was something fucked up. it was like, no, not by the hair on my chin. I won't let you in. I'm like, that's not the words. None of the words, you guys messed up all the words in this book. They've ruined this classic literature.

So I took him back. I'm like, I got to do it over. I got to send these back. So my wife gets books to the bookstore and she brings them back. And she's like, all right, let's crack open some books. And the first thing he does is, Donnie goes, reaches out and grabs a page and rips it right off. She goes, all right. This book's called a bunch of dogs.

And he goes, Wham! Wham! Wham! wife goes Oh wow He's the ruiner now

That's bad for you Huh Tearing a book Down the middle like that What do we do? Do I have to replace the book? No, they're fine They've got tons of books

Who gives the book? It's like I have to take it back Just don't show them that page Yeah, just rip the page out. I'm sure there's plenty of dogs. I'm sure there's plenty of shit. And to like just take it super cleanly out. If they've noticed one page missing, that's a real library.

Some kids going to notice that. Hey, what the hell is the story? How'd this dog get in a plane? I kind of want to rent this just to do that now. It's a mess them up. Find like the most critical page and then take that out. These fucking Chinese rhymes, dude. I don't know how that's getting through.

A woman brutally beaten it, MacArthur Park, while feeding the homeless. Yeah, she powered him up. What did she think was going to happen? What did you think the homeless were going to do? Let's get these, she stretched them out. Let's get these homeless nice and loose. Get him some carbs. Let's get them raring to go.

Doing anything other than driving past MacArthur Park, you're asking for whatever happens to you. I see those people reaching out to the, uh, people reaching out to the, uh, felons and miscreants in MacArthur Park and I always think, God, I wish someone would do something about these social workers that go in here and waste my money feeding the homeless and the deviance and the criminals. If only someone would stop them. Right.

And then some brave homeless woman finally stood up to these lunatics that are feeding the homeless and did something about it. I don't know if we can crowd fund her a nice jail cell. Woman brutally beaten at MacArthur Park. You know, I found out the city gives a grant to lawyers so they can sue on behalf of the homeless so we can't ever clean up the street and get them off the street. What the fuck?

And it's $100 million that the L.A. city does give to these lawyers. Mm-hmm. Here we go. Here's the woman who was brutally beaten while she was handing out upgrades to the... to the homeless oh that's a shame hmm well

at least she's wearing a COVID mask in front of MacArthur Park you can almost make out a dead body in here in the middle and she says this woman and this incident are not representative of the culture

of MacArthur Park and the community we serve there Shlema wrote yeah it is It absolutely is. It absolutely is. No one will be caught dead in MacArthur Park. She's not someone we've met in the past and others in the park weren't familiar with her. This was a bizarre, this was absolutely a bizarre one-off.

Johnny, this bum isn't one of our bums. Our bums are nice and friendly. This is some out-of-state bum that came in here to cause trouble. What the fuck kind of response is that? She's not someone we've met in the past. We've met all the homeless in the city. They're wonderful. Like Oscar the Grouch crawling out of garbage cans saying hello.

This is a Soros plant. If she came out and said that or if the news article came out and said that, I'd be fucking... I'd be for it. I'd be for it. I'm like, that's funny. That's good. That's really funny. This isn't one of our homeless.

No, no, no, our homeless are much worse. This homeless is from Texas. They're crazy over there. Those homeless are bad. This is a Florida homeless. Like the idea that the idea that like homeless are that not only are our homeless

so worth caring for and like important, but that suddenly when the homeless here are under fire for acting like homeless, that's other homeless. It's like, okay, so it's other homeless, right. So can we get rid of them? Like, can we find whatever homeless population that she did come from?

Can we find them and get rid of them then? The bum-classism divide is so crazy. Exactly! Bum fucking classism! Fucking crazy, man. And you have anything to say about that homeless that attacked one of your volunteers? I wasn't one of our homeless.

Her homeless are decent, law-abiding Americans. Ours are all nodding off right here. Ours are all high on, too high on Fent and Pop-Tarts. Causing any trouble of mayhem. Which is like the most fucking cotton mouth inducing snack ever. Dude. Pop-tarts fucking suck.

They fucking suck. How about a sandwich, you bitch? I don't want a bunch of... I don't want to... I've been sleeping on the fucking street pounding meth and fentanyl. You think I want a fucking Pop-Tart? I don't want a bunch of Pop-Tarts? Imagine being on a 18-hour meth

bender and this stupid smiling bitch with a COVID mask gives you a big file footage stack of Pop tarts to stick in your mouth. Can I get any water with that? I got some orange juice. I don't want any orange juice to go with my...

You got a fountain over there full of dead bodies. You can go slurp out of there. The birds love it. Yeah, because then their new side quest becomes find water. I would fucking stab you. If I was hung over and some woman tried to get me a Pop-Tart, I would fucking beat her in the head. I would pull my dick off and beat her right in the head with it.

The attack unfolded in a park long, tied to a relentless stream of emergency calls. Oh no shit. That that happened. Look at all these morons. You guys got away with it, but if you show up again, you better fucking want... Coffee and Pop-Tarts. How's your meth treating you? Oh, yeah? You want some... You want some Pop-Tarts and coffee?

See, the Pop-Tarts will dry your mouth out, and then we don't have any water. We got a bunch of boxes of coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. You'll want to be slugging that down so you'll shit in your fucking... If I was homeless, I would never touch coffee again. Ever.

I would just go back to sleep. What do I have to be awake? Why the fuck would a homeless want coffee? I've never thought of that. You want some coffee? No. What do you got? You don't have to wake up.

You got no traffic. You got no job. You want help with your taxes? No. How about some coffee? No. I want to get high. Coffee doesn't get you high, you stupid bitch.

Crack you on the fucking head. Just walking around the city coming down super tough with the driest mouth on the fucking planet. I will fucking kill you. Yeah, look at this guy You see this is one of the nice homeless This is one of the nice homeless You can tell What he needs is a good stack of pop tarts

Like an Uno deck Get that guy a cup of coffee You shuffle up some pop tarts And give this guy a cup of coffee The nearest bathroom's about six miles away And two homeless people are having sex in it They'll be having sex in there On meth for six hours

Make sure you coffee his ass up What the fuck man? Women Women in charge Well I would like coffee and pop tarts I'm not home Then I'm gonna go Then I'm gonna go drink a gallon of water

That I get out of the sink for free Oh my God Yeah If I ever see a homeless person with coffee I'm gonna fucking slap it right out of their hand You want some espresso buddy You ever all that shit you need to be doing today I hear some fiber

You want some fiber and some Dude Taking a shit is a fucking pain in the ass They're loading these homeless up Washington made a income tax Finally I was just in Washington recently The only thing I wanted to do there was smoke a cigarette

Well smoke 10 cigarettes Smoke a whole pack of cigarettes Right smoke 10 packs of cigarettes Smoke 10 packs of cigarettes Look just But I forgot my jacket I didn't check the weather so I couldn't go outside Like I'm not gonna enjoy a cigarette if I go outside right now

fucking 30 degrees They made an income tax They didn't have one Did you know that? I did know that They didn't have an income tax I don't know how they make it so beautiful Without an income tax What the fuck is this? I got a bunch of goo all over my pants

The fuck Is this on the bottom of the beer? There's a lot of gross stuff at the bottom of the beer Don't look at that Don't look at that Is that why my tongue's been on fire since There's a couple of atomic warheads in there No nuke again Israel didn't nuke

I ran again And then I saw some guy On TikTok pointing out where the nuclear I saw that did you see that guy? Let me bring that guy up That guy's cool That guy needs some coffee Yeah But then of course there's like a bunch of

A bunch of conservatives saying that it's treason And that he's like bro he's reading a fucking He's like being a fucking he's like being a weatherman. He's like reading a map on TikTok. You think that's treason? He's looking at a bunch of like publicly available data. Yeah. Yeah, but he's telling them

where I'm pretty sure that they You know China's telling them what to do, right? You know China and Russia, they're like telling them they're a little more advanced than a dude on TikTok who's doing this as like a goof. Right. And secondly, fuck you. They should hit

that. Might as well. This is this guy. man. Yeah, cut their balls off. Cut their balls off before Israel gets more white people killed. Sorry, white men. Oh, no, they got white women killed too. Yeah, somebody

stopped them before they get more white people killed. If you believe in white boy summer like I do, then you know the right thing to do. How many white people has Iran got killed? Not how many they killed. How many they killed probably like, what?

30 over 50 years? None? Something like that. I don't know. I've been around a long time. I'm not looking over my shoulder for Iran anywhere I go. Is that Iran? Oh, man.

Iran's kind of, why does I... Why did Iran drive this weird BMW and park it on the street? That's odd. That's odd. He got out of the car and now he's back in the car. What's Iran doing over there? I better keep an eye. Honey, did you see that Iran?

drove a weird Mercedes parked it across the street, but I've never seen him before. Here's this guy. Urgent message for the Iranian government. If you want to take out Israel's entire nuclear capability, you need to strike right here and right here. This is the Syrac nuclear facility right here, and this is the Polymachian airfield. This airbase houses Israel's only fighter jet nuclear capable aircraft. They fire the Popeye cruise missile and their nuclear equipped. They're flying the jets out of this airbase right now.

This is where they're situated, so if you can take those out, Israel cannot nuke you. Also, if you want to take out their nuclear abilities, you need to do so right here. And by the way, this is the Aero Defense System. This is located right here. This is where they're going to try to intercept the missiles. This is it zoomed out. It's right here. Right here.

Right here. Get them through. It'll attack. Exact coordinates right here. That's the nuclear center. The pink right here is their ammunition. And this green box is the fun one. This is an underground either bunker or facility.

This is where the good stuff is going to be. I know this is what's here because under the Israeli underground digging company where they tell you not to dig because of wires and all of that. This is an area that you're not allowed to even put a shield on the ground. Share this to the Iranian government can see. Urgent. Dumb Starbucks. Yeah.

Yeah. Share this so the Iranian government can see. That's treason. Okay. Fuck you. Shut up. I would be surprised if they didn't know all this

already I hope they didn't I kind of hope they didn't yeah it'd be a lot funnier or maybe they knew but like nobody had ever put it in those terms before

yeah you know like oh it's so simple oh that guy oh I get it he's really cutting through the bullshit you know and his drawl his southern drawl

has a way of he gets promoted to like military general what was I talking about uh Something with that, Ray, I don't know. That guy.

Off with his head. Um, you got the drone. Oh, man. Did you see the Malcolm in the middle? Commercials? Did you watch Malcolm in the middle when you were a kid?

Probably not. Not really. It's probably too old for you. No, I remember, like, seeing it when it was on, but I never gave a shit. I thought that's retarded. Yeah. Uh,

they got Malcolm. Malcolm's back and he's, he's got a biracial daughter and he's divorced and he still hates his parents I guess and even though he's 40 hmm time to start like a punk band dude yeah that's what he should do

it's depressing he's all old as fuck Malcolm like come on man you did the guy so dirty he did Cody Banks so dirty yeah is that his name agent Cody Banks It's depressing me

It just needs to quit reboot and shit Malcolm was supposed to be president Of the United States That's what they said in the last episode He would do something great But he's not doing shit Sucks It's depressing

He must have gone through the gate program Like everyone else I remember that shit When they let everybody in one year They're like hey guess what We're letting everybody in Yeah You could tell who didn't belong

No, these people don't belong here. Can I have a question? Is they're like, can I go back to class, please? Because this sucks. Yeah, and I didn't see that little, that weasy black kid. I didn't see him anywhere. Hmm. It's depressing, man.

What's the point? What's the point of any of it? It's a cash grab, dude. Just a cash grab. Divorced. Biracial daughter. Getting sassy, giving you sassie. well okay if it was like a one episode thing where you see like you go through a full episode of what his life is like and then he just blows his head off it then and that one yeah i'd be like great reboot great reboot he just closes his brains out this is for you mom like full metal jacket style yeah full metal

first half's really funny second half not so funny like come on man like the real guy raises indie cars and stuff you couldn't give something like that to old malcolm had to be a loser total fucking loser in the middle that sucks that does suck man it does really suck you couldn't make him like a sick ass tech bro or something fucking billionaire and his kids a huge piece of shit like Reese that'd be more interesting than

Malcolm's a loser and sucks or like what if like the world we were promised in the 90s still existed and he like we got to see what life could have been yeah without the Hart's Cellar Act You can't hate your family at 40 That shit's you know who has time for that That's why I still find it fascinating

That Blink 182 still goes on tour and shit I'm like man who the fuck is still listening Who goes out to these? Who's still singing songs about how much your dad sucks Like come on dude Like your dad's like still play that Of course they do Because that's all their big hits

But it's just like that's all that whiny shit is And I just laugh because I'm like dude You can't be 60 singing about how your dad sucks He's probably in the nursing home. Like, go visit him. Yeah, he doesn't remember. He doesn't even remember now. It didn't even happen.

I feel about the Malcolm thing. I'm like, man, everyone identified with those kids. No one identifies with this shit. That may be weirdo feminist writing it. Pretty much. I love Malcolm. I hate my parents. Like, what the hell?

Here's a pretty good one. This is from New York. let's see nothing good comes from New York look at all the cops oh yeah I already played that one

um IED yeah yeah okay so this has happened to the protest in New York this is a

this is like a retarded liberal guy you know carry this like purse megaphone with them too uh okay this is like

a retarded liberal guy protesting I don't know what he's protesting let's see I think there was another guy pretend they're pretending to be a white supremacist mm-hmm and he's protesting him or something I don't know let's see we were pulling in race in New York and we want everyone here to stay in New York you don't get to come from outside and then tell everyone else Move, move, move.

We were pulling in New York, and we want everyone here to stay in New York. Yeah, I know. You don't get to come from outside and they tell everyone else. Just absolutely flabbergasted. You don't get to come from outside to tell New Yorker to tell, what was he going to say before the. radical Muslim jihadi literally stood on his shoulders and threw a homemade grenade at the white protesters. What do you think that, what do you think he was going to say? Let's, let me hear that again.

Maybe we could guess. Everyone else, not everyone here to stay in New York. You don't get to come from outside and then tell everyone else. You don't get to come from outside and then tell everyone else. And then al-hahu Akbar. I guess you do get to come in from outside and do say that. It's just perfect. He's using this idiot, 50-year-old liberal as a human shield and a launch pad to leap on top of and throw a homemade grenade. Well, if I have thrown further, it's because I've stood on the shoulders of retarded liberals.

Look at his face, he's so surprised. Yeah. The only time I think the megaphone is acceptable is when I'm driving to the valley and you get like the Guatemalan family on one side and like the Ecuadorian family on the other catty corner and they're trying to preach the hardest to the oncoming tribe.

They're trying to say that their Jesus is better than the other Jesus And eventually it gets like 20 people on each corner. Yeah. Preach and screaming out in the sun with their entire family behind them disinterested and bored. But they're just so passionate really about it. That is when it's okay. They do that on, if it's traffic, yes. They do that on the Santa Monica pier.

And I really want to kill them. Well, that is where it's bad. Right in your fucking face. Everybody's walking in and out. And these three retards with megaphones are screaming about Christ. Right as you walk by them and the city does nothing about it. You should be able to run them over for sure. Yeah.

I'm just talking about the whole family's dressed in like full suits and stuff. And it's like... Could I sue them? Do I have a legit medical disability documented? If I go there, it will cause me like psychic pain. Yeah. Like fucking... I think psychic damage is a medical term.

I will be rendered totally incapacitated because of them screaming into those microphones. I should look into that I would love to sue those idiots Fuck them Take all their shit and throw it into ocean Render under seizure man Look at how confused this poor stupid liberal is Who's screaming about

So he's from there So his opinion means more Wait, how could he be from New York If he doesn't talk like a New York guy Oh yeah, what the hell? You think he's faking? Let me hear that again We were pulling in race in New York

Yeah, he talks like, is there like a sixth borough that's full of gay people? Is he from upstate? Yeah, probably. Where it's just like you have to be rich as fuck to live up there maybe? He's definitely rich. For sure, because he doesn't have the accent. See, he can't relate to the common man. Yeah.

The common man's about to climb on his back and launch an IED into the crowd. We were pulling in race in New York, and we want everyone here to stay in New York. You don't get to come from outside and then tell everyone else. Oh, they got a little flag with squiggle riding on it. Is that a bag? Is that a terrorist? This guy? I don't know.

Oh, he's like, uh... Just dumbfounded. Should I continue my speech? Or... He got the attention he wanted. You can put the microphone thing down now, bud. You don't have to hold it like that. Of all the camera guys are getting in his face, like, tell us more.

Yes, yes. Tell us more about where you're saying. saying. And then his parents had a, they were Afghan immigrants from Afghanistan. That guy's parents. And somehow they got a $2.5 million home where that guy grew up. Isn't that peculiar? I'll be goddamned.

Somehow they were able to work hard, I guess, you could say. Pull out a giant ass home to raise a little terrorist. Couldn't even make a bomb that works. God. Did you test it? Okay. The Manosphere stuff. All right.

Let's see here. The Manosphere guys did a series of ill-advised interviews. Because none of them really have any worldview. Yeah, okay Luis Thoreau Did a documentary Dismantling the Manosphere interviewing guys like

Myron Gaines Do you know who that is? Who the fuck is that? I guess they're like famous misogynists or something They don't sound like misogynists to me though The Manosphere? The Manosphere.

It's like gay night at the sphere of Vegas. Yeah Here he is Let's see I guess he bitches out in this When he's They interview him

And then his girlfriend comes in And he turns into a total bitch I don't know why he let his girlfriend On this set Myron's been quite open about the fact That he expects to be in a relationship In which there's one way monogamy Why would you let

Why would you let this British weirdo interview your fucking wife for some documentary on how you're a shithead. Myron, you jackass. Why would you... Why don't you bring your mom out and let him abuse her? He's been quite open about the fact that he expects to be in a relationship in which there's one way monogamy, as he calls it.

He's allowed to basically pursue other relationships, but you're not. The women that he sees with, he's just going to be with them for like a night or so, whatever, or whatever, but I don't think he sees him in that way because there is a... a reason why I've stayed so long with him. Do they give him this gay-ass dog as part of... What the hell is this? Fucking place that for the law. I'm like, why the fuck is he holding that piece of shit?

If I would have known that I would have started this, that it would lead to this, I just would have not done it. Fair. You know, I just would have stayed home. If he would have been standing there holding a Great Dane, that'd be cool. I'd be like, Jesus Christ.

A German Shepherd or something. Or Pippil, he's black, so... Oh, yeah. Yeah. He should have a Pipple that's like trying to eat. the reporter. Hold the back. Yeah. Like, what is this, bro?

What are you doing with this dog? Why are all of you so goddamn gay? I don't wanna mix things up between you, right? Yeah. But we were talking about in the future that maybe there's a world where you would have more than one wife, right? She understands that. She knows that that could potentially come down in the future. What do you say about that?

Why are you laughing and looking at her? Man. You know, the real thing. You know, the response to this is like, you know what? I might have more than one mom, too. I'm gonna load up. Like, what are you doing, taking this shit seriously, you idiot? Myron!

God! You guys really, you really cribbed my life and fucking messed it up. And messed it up. You really forgot a couple of key parts. Oh, like all of them. Like all of them. Oh, this reporter's coming out He wants for some reason

He wants me to hold this little gay dog And get my girlfriend on an interview Probably to make me look amazing I'm just gonna go ahead and answer everything honestly And straight as straightforwardly as I can What an idiot I don't know I mean he has said that in the past

I think when I'll see when it happens Like I don't know how that will work The thing is that I think But right now it's not gonna be anything time soon. Because just because I'm just so focused on working. But it could happen. Right. It could, of course. You can kick it down the road only for so long. You know, she's put two years

into a relationship. If that's your long-term plan, at some point, those two realities will collide. You know, that's a bridge we'll cross when we get there. Like right? Wheel cross? Oh, my God. Whoa! I like that the dog's just looking at the camera.

Bugging. You guys remember that you're supposed to hate women, right? That's the whole point. Not talking about wheel cross bridges together How many bridges have you crossed? God, damn. Zero. One too many.

How many bridges are we going to cross for this interview? Bro, we need a higher class of misogynist. What are you talking about? That's so avoidant. It is. You never know, man. You can always change your mind down the road. Who knows?

Maybe I'll say, you know, I only just want to be with one girl because the two would be too tough. You know, you've backtracked on that all. He got no stones. You got no stones, man. No fucking stones. You realize those words coming out of your mouth mean nothing, right? You realize that?

You're desperately trying to say magical words so this weirdo will like you. He's probably a pedophile. Why don't you start with that? You wouldn't understand what it's like to have two women because you're probably a pedophile. That's how you give interviews, you dumb dick, Myron? You stupid asshole?

Well, no kidding. You don't want to have two wives. Because you're only into little boys. They're right. You got to be like, you seem like an old British guy. You were probably raised by Jimmy Saville. I bet you love Jimmy Saville. I bet you wrote him in prison.

Prove you didn't write Jimmy Saville in prison, you weird old fuck. You got a million angles of attack out there. People like you colonized Rhodesia with their weanors. You're telling me about having two girlfriends. I don't even want two girlfriends. You know what two Valentine's Day is like? It's a fucking nightmare. Fuck that.

But, you know, I can't keep them away. That's how you do that interview. Shithead. God, these people. E-celebrities, man. It's fucking stupid. Disappoint you every time. What are you going to say?

You remember the show Wild Thornberries? Yeah. Apparently, there's this thing going around, and I only saw this recently, that the only reason they were on the run so much is because he was doing shit for Rhodesia. Oh, really? And I was like, oh.

Or like part of that whole thing. And I was like, motherfucker that makes like i didn't look into it any further but i was like huh that kind of makes sense i read that all of um the new star treks in the 30 32nd century is a time prison that the the the time police from uh voyager set up in a bubble because it's so it's so retarded it's the only thing that makes sense god damn it and then i was like all right i can i like that i'm gonna go with that they just always send you back to the 1950s to punish you? Yeah. Like send it, send them to the 32nd century. We sent all the fat women.

Because they had like a kid is like they had some kid is like also dilythium crystals and he had a tantrum and then ruined all the dilithium crystals. It's totally stupid. Totally stupid. It just occurred to me with how sedentary women already are. Uh-huh. Go on. And how like, right? The future, there's less shit to walk around to do, right? Like, there's not going to be any of that shit. It's like all the things they would get their exercise at anyway. Yeah. It's all gone. They're just going to be... You don't have to walk anywhere. You just go

from your transponder, yeah. Yeah. You push the button or whatever the fuck. It spawns your food. Dude, are they going to out-eat-Ozimic? Oh, yeah. Is that even possible? I guess we're going to find out. Yeah. McDonald's has got to be like the Mormon church. They're going after Latin America. They got to stay one step ahead of Ozimic, you know?

New Chipotle barbecue items coming to your McDonald's. That's how you know that the cure for cancer never happened. Because like if McDonald's couldn't bury Ozimic, then the cure for cancer could not get buried. True. You know? It's like if that's one, that's just directly hurting them. Oh, God, I got to read this one.

Did you hear about the guy that cured his dog's cancer? Oh no Did you hear about that? No. Wasn't it like a bunch of essential worlds or some shit? No, no, no, no. Okay, wait. Let me see if I can remember this right.

This Australian guy adopted a dog that had old dog and it got cancer. So he got the dog's genome sequenced for like three grand. He paid for a blood test

to get the genome. And then he fed the genome into which one was it? It was chatsy. TBT or Claude, one of those. And then, maybe I should just read it. He got like a, he got an MRI anti-cancer drug. And then he had to wait for it.

He had to wait for it to get approved that he could use it on his dog. So he got the, he got a customized MRI anti-cancer virus manufactured, bought it, and then injected his dog with it. He said his dog's cancer is like the tumor shrank halfway and he's like healthier. Like he doesn't have cancer anymore, basically. What the fuck? That's crazy. Australians are tinkerers, you know?

Yeah, they are. They'll do this. So he, like he didn't, I don't know if he cured the cancer or not in the dog, but he did more than nothing. That's fucking crazy, man. So everybody's got, let me pull up that story. Actually, let me finish this first and I'll pull it up. I want to see Myron Gaines get raped. by this interviewer.

Already? Some people in this part of the culture, right, who advocates for the idea of like the 1% male, that ultimate masculine, that he's, um... Frank, go with her, sorry. Also, I need a, if you could clean up the room too. Oh, God!

Did he say sorry? I have more misogyny in my little... I do more misogyny before 9 a.m. Man. These guys do all day, you know? Absolutely. they spent so long these guys spent so long

appealing to men that they forgot how to hate women yeah they spent so long loving men that they forgot that's fucking crazy they forgot how to hate women look at him he's

he's love-struck by this whatever the one percent male that ultimate masculine that he's um go her sorry also I hope you're apologizing to the dog I need some help you out with that. That would be funny.

Was that okay? By the way, I always feel weird. No, no, no, it's cool. You know, it's awkward, though. No, no, no. I... It was awkward as hell! Angie, like, she's with me on the street.

She's as bored as you are. This guy just fucking dog walked the shit out of the room. Now he's all quiet, like, this isn't on camera, right? Like, just the, the idea about the ladies. No, we've had these discussions. I saw a little bit of pain in her. No. No.

No. No, no, no. Yes. No. No. No, no, no. You don't think if I said to her, like, you would have my own, all to yourself? Would you rather have that?

You don't think she would say, yeah, 100% of course. She would say whatever makes him happy. That's what she would say. You know, the time I do have, I spend with her if I'm with any woman. Good job, guys. Way to go. Okay. Let me play the...

What was I going to play? The Australians. Oh, yeah. All right. You think he was the guy who, the ancient Egypt guy out there? With the Australians? Yeah. Yeah.

I think so. He was the one who fixed his dog. He did? No, I was just like... Oh, yeah. Could you imagine it's like some ancient Egyptology he used and fucking... Okay, here is... Here is this guy.

So this is what he did. He was relentless. He had a vaccine. No, come on. Just give me like the steps. No, no, no. Okay, here we go. he ordered a genome sequence

he ran it through a bunch of data pipelines to find the mutations yeah and then he ordered a custom MRI MRI vaccine based on whatever the mutations that he found

and then the the tumor went down okay so here is a here's a cancer doctor's response to that this is great I get this Did I not save it? Yeah, here we go.

Cancer researcher. Sorry, sorry to be the downer because this is an impressive story in some senses. Already I hate him. What an asshole. He cured a dog's cancer. With like...

That's the best use of AI I've heard so far. I mean, fuck. Yeah, with chat GPT. And like, you know, genome, that kind of shit that you see on the Super Bowl ad, you don't care about it. Who cares about a genome, right? Sorry to be a downer because this is an impressive story in some senses. You get the expert on the scene, everybody. Right.

Expert cancer doctor here. Coming to set everyone straight. Yeah, now that my job is fucked, too. Because everybody's asking the obvious question. Okay, so why can't we do that for me? Right. Why can't I upload my genome or whatever and spend three grand? Why can't I just start injecting shit into myself? Why not? Um, sorry to be the downer because this is an impressive story in some senses, but it is trivially easy to make a single MRNA vaccine. It's not hard. In case you didn't know what trivially easy meant or even easy. He goes a, he goes a single mRNA vaccine. He goes a single RNA vaccine. He goes a single. head and breaks it down an additional level. It's not easy.

It's trivially easy. So you don't even... It's not... The value of the easiness is not even significant. It's trivially easy. Babies are doing it already. Yeah, yeah. And in case you didn't know what that means, because you're so stupid,

because you're into this dog having cancer getting cured story, it's not hard I cure mice of various cancers with various therapeutics all the time he's also giving mice the cancer too he's giving the mice to cancer

what an asshole fuck him I cure mice with cancer was he like jealous that somebody's getting attention for oh yeah I've made mice lose more weight in a month

than pterazapetide does in a year. Okay, dude. What is hard and expensive is proving it's both safe and effective in a randomized and controlled study in humans while also manufacturing it

at a clinical scale and grade. I don't really think that's the point. Right. I think the point is that this guy cured a dog's cancer, So what's the deal? He had to cope about it. Yeah. Actually, that would never work.

And it's like, well... Well, it worked right there. Yeah. Well, you know... Yeah, but I didn't do it. That's what it comes down to. Yeah. I'm happy for this man and his dog.

It is impressive. I thought it was trivially easy, dude. But y'all... Man. Where are you from, bro? You better be from the fucking Texas. Maryland. He's saying y'all.

He's from Maryland? Mm. Mm. But y'all are overhyping it. Why are you funding these assholes? Get rid of them. I'd be like, okay, so hopefully you don't get cancer and have to do this shit for yourself. Because then once that happens, then everyone's just going to be like, whoa, it's so fucking easy.

It should be this. You should be able to cure yourself. Hey, man, did you post that thing about how it's easy and how y'all are overhyping it? Oh, you're fucking fired. Yeah. Because I've never heard... Has one day gone by where I don't hear how fucking important it is

to cure cancer. Actually. Yeah. But we're over-hyping it now. But now it's trivially easy? Mm-hmm. All right. We'll get rid of that whole department then if we've mastered it.

Go ahead. Just write the notes or I guess don't even if it's... If it's trivially easy. a family of a man who was stabbed to death by a homeless man while he was charging his electric car outside the Downey City Library has filed a claim against the city seeking 40 million in damages Do you hear about that?

No. A guy was charging his car at the library Homeless, you know, central, not smart. And then he got stabbed and then the ambulance showed up and the homeless stole the ambulance. So he died. Holy shit.

Ambulance. Let me find this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, here we go. Family of a man randomly stabbed by a homeless outside the library who died at the scene after another homeless man stole the ambulance.

Not even the same home. Oh my God. That's fucking Okay, so going by movie logic, you could just kill the whole everyone in the city hall, right?

Like that's, that's okay. I mean, I've seen movies. That's what movie logic. Right. That's what I'm saying. That's why that synagogue shit doesn't work. Like, well, I mean, I know, I understand movie logic.

Reynaldo, Jesus LaFontz was charging his Tesla when Giovanni Navarro stabbed him. While paramedics were treating LaFontz, Nicholas DeMarco stole the unattended ambulance. California prosecutors said the ambulance did not have a Tremenko anti-theft system. Is this a Tim and Eric sketch? What's a Tremenko anti-theft system? in that moment every second mattered the claim read

well it's just like totally retarded is what it should read you got homeless stealing ambulances and stuff that shit would never have it at a gas station yeah no way they're prepared for that shit at a gas station

man electric cars suck they really do man you try to charge your car a library? You're fucking vulnerable. You're stuck in that bitch. You're doing the like safari ride

through this fucking Savannah on that kind of shit. Yeah, you got to charge your car? No way, man. Get some gas. Go to a gas station. Chargers could be anywhere. Sitting around there all day. The homeless can scope it out.

And they know you're stuck for hours too. And they know you got money and they know you're stupid if you got an electric car. The city's paramedics and rescue vehicles were Rinaldo's only realistic chance of survival. Oh, okay. However, the city's paramedics failed to provide necessary medical aid. Yeah.

I wonder how many Downey Yelp reviews would be like, Great Library, terrible place to charge your car. Are they going to rename the charger after him, I hope? This is the original... If there's not a fucking concrete, fucking... like altar with that guy's picture and a million flowers every day. Man, just the last thing you want to be in L.A. is stabbed by a homeless. Like that's...

It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing because they're all over. And you know they're bad. They're all bad. All homeless are bad. Especially here. I don't know how it works in Japan. They seem pretty nice there.

how it works in Greece. I saw some homeless reading a book and it was right side up. I checked. Damn. But in L.A., they're all bad. And they got no business being in a circle around you. They don't have any business looking at you. There's no, nothing the homeless, the homeless shouldn't be looking at you. Um, so if you get snuck up on one by one, that's a real dumb, you got a real dumb day. Yeah. You probably forgot to turn the oven off too You got snuck up on by a homeless, you know God damn homeless you're in heaven talking about a homeless snuck up on you

Looking like a bitch I think you go to hell for that You gotta lie about it Yeah heaven what are you in for A piano fell on my head I was I would be I segued off a cliff I was looking at my phone I walked off the cliff

I bought the company and then drove my segue right off the cliff Oh, okay Okay Do you see that? Yeah, yeah That's like Man That's a bummer

Do you think he had that The guy The owner of the Segway company When he drove off the cliff Do you think he had that feeling Of like Ah shit I should have just like jumped off You know

When you're like when you're riding a bike And you ride it into the curb And you just can't You can't pull it away You know You're like But you can't process it he's on the way down going god damn but i should have just bailed out you know

should have sold while he was ahead man what do you do in taking that segue up to fucking heights like that though i don't know going on a hike with your segue that's kind of like stupid that's fucking stupid man it's like gta shit stealing ambulances yeah

you can't even you can't even get Stabbed. L.A. Because crazy, shit's going to steal your fucking ambulance. They have a new protocol for that.

Yeah, you're right. That wouldn't happen at a gas station. You get stabbed at a gas station. They have like a stabbing area that you can go relax in, like the smoking area. Yeah, it's usually the little shop

at the roll-up door. They roll that up for you. You can go bleed out and moan until you pass out in there. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's cool. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's the greatest pitch for not buying an electric car. I've never heard anything A Good Reason to buy one, except for they drive themselves. I've never heard any good reason to buy an electric car either. Yeah.

Okay, let me see if I got this Jake Paul. You know, it's worse As seeing all the Tesles in L.A. That'd say, like, I bought this car before Elon was crazy, and it's like, fuck off. Sell the car then.

Sell the car then? Yeah. I got this swastika before the hole. Right. Yeah, a bunch of no stone having that. We're hilly and crazy. Okay, here's Jake Paul interviewing Trump on Iran. Maybe there's some good stuff in here.

It's a bit shocked. These two guys are both on top of their game, you know, mentally. I was a bit shocked to, like, everyone else in the world was like, this is the greatest thing. and I think what you're doing is phenomenal. And I was shocked that so many activists in America... Has he always been retarded? Meanwhile, they're like, oh, we support women. We want women to have all these rights.

Who the fuck says that? ...wereating the women of Iran, and then they have an issue with it. I thought that was very confusing. We support gays, but they throw gays off the buildings, okay? We support this. I mean, the things... They throw white people off buildings, too. They're fighting, but I think I have tremendous support on this.

This is something that's been incredible. I have the best poll numbers I've ever had now. And it's not because of this. I think we just, you know, the economy's right. It's a little bit of a, we take a little winding road for a little while, but we have to wipe out the evil. You killed 200 little girls. Evil people.

I was a. Is that, uh, is that part of it? did the dead can the gay people at least be thrown onto the pile of dead bodies of little girls that you uh that israel killed because of like ai that the ai had old data from from fucking map quest so it thought the little girls school was a missile factory so it hit it twice is that what happened that the winding road although i will say this is the kind of shit i want to see on tv again just like two white dudes just talking about Some fucking bullshit, man. Just barely, barely talking. Barely. Barely getting the sentence out.

A bit shocked to, like, everyone else in the world was like... Wearing just a ridiculous suit. I think what you're doing is phenomenal. And I was shocked that so many activists... He's like, I'm talking to a Pokemon card salesman. Didn't like it. But meanwhile, they're like, oh, we support women. We want women to have all these rights.

Meanwhile, you're liberating... Can you imagine, dude, in the 90s, gay guys getting thrown off roofs in the Middle East was like a top 10 problem. Can we go back to that? And now I'm like, uh, well, they could just like pretend not to be gay for a little bit, right? They can not come for a little bit, right?

Because, I mean, I'm not coming, you know, a lot. So if they can at least not come as much as me. Right. And then they'll be okay? Will that, that'll be okay? I mean, they could chill out with like the voice and stuff and then they'll be all right. Okay, because we've got a lot going on.

We got like a lot going on. I understand that you want to get fucked in the ass, suck weaners and stuff. I want to do a lot of stuff too, you know? I want to say who runs the Federal Reserve and what's going on and why we're getting taxed to death, right? But we have to kind of gay people in the middle of, we have to kind of take our impulses and dial them down. And we have to really go under the radar, it's called, going under the radar. So that religious psychopaths don't kill us. Go ahead.

That was going to say you have to just fit in, man. You have to fit in for a little bit, gay guys in the Middle East. And you think they would understand the concept of fitting in, right? But holes. I remember this shit. I remember when gay guys getting ch-it's never women either. Gay guys getting chucked off roofs was like the most worst thing ever, but we just have so many more problems than that. Fellas?

You're telling me you need to suck dicks and not get thrown off a roof more than 200 little girls need to go to school? I don't think so. I don't fucking think so, man. Yeah, but we really need to suck dicks and get fucked to the... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We got a total Israeli takeover of social media. We've got a lot bigger problems than you getting fucked in the ass. Yeah, just go to Greece where it was invented.

Go to Greece. Swim. and don't tell me that swim into Greece is harder than getting fucked in the ass because it's not if you want to get fucked in the ass so hard swim your ass out to swim your gay ass out to grease tossing gay people off buildings

they probably haven't even done that in a while it's got to that's like a vintage thing right it's got to be it's old school it's considered to be a little like my dad through gay guys you know if you're Iranian you're like my dad please. Mr.

throw gay guys off buildings with my dad name's name. I just shoot him you know? I'll throw them off a building. Yeah,

much less dramatic. Fucking time portal, man. Please, God. I thought that was easy to solve as a kid. Yeah. Easy to solve.

Let's just find the guys throwing gay guys off buildings and kill him. Did he not? You could have stopped at all then? Let's bring him over here and kill him. No, don't bring him over here and kill him. Let's kill him over there.

We got nice stuff over here. We got a lot of gay stuff. I don't want any of my gay stuff getting thrown off a building. I want my left Hollywood. I don't want my Ninjago stuff getting thrown off a building. Man, that's a whole full bionicle class. I fucking, I resent it. I fucking resent it.

That I have to act normal and they don't. Anywhere. Anywhere in the goddamn world. You know, Satan's roasting. gay people alive down in hell. Well, could they just not act gay? They're in hell. Really, you're in hell and you still have to be gay?

Like, that's a bit much. You could drop the act any time. If I call women fat, I lose all my bank accounts. That's great, Trump. Throwing gay people off buildings. They should throw fat women off buildings. Wouldn't you believe it? They're throwing gay people off buildings.

Get out of here. Shut up. They're pushing fat bitches off. Push a fat bitch. Like, oh, shit. Whoa. Do it again. I wasn't watching.

Do it again. I got to go find that book. My son ripped in half. It's like, nice. Awesome. Fuck books. That's cool. Oh.

He said, this better not be a manual to something because I'm not reading that shit. I like this page. I think I'm going to keep it. Really meant something to him. All right. Synagogue attacks. Oh, yeah. The mayor of Dearborn Heights said that the suspect involved in the shooting and vehicle ramming attack had, quote, lost several members of his own family in an Israeli attack on their home in Lebanon.

Hmm Should probably go find him But boy won't he feel stupid Yeah When they turn up Yeah Boy won't he feel stupid When his family turns up

Shit I didn't know you guys were really lost Fuck I've really so rarely been in the spot Where the counter to every argument is Yeah well you killed a bunch of kids so yeah yeah but he well he killed a bunch of kids

so you know that's what will happen right um oh yeah here's a good one anti-semites will not work this guy says

all right what's the new name for him then rabbi something the scourge of anti-Semitism must be defeated anywhere and everywhere that it exists.

As we just heard before, from holding universities accountable to using laws within the Justice Department existing laws to hold and prosecute crimes against the Jewish community from preventing people from working and going to worship in their sholes.

And then... Shules? As was touched on very briefly... Shield? Wait, what? Preventing us from... I now understand the working part. What was that about?

Shules? Shills? And then, as was times against the Jewish community, from preventing people from working and going to worship in their sholes. Shoals? And then. Mussel shawls? As was touched on very briefly.

But a visa vetting program that we are just beginning now to see the results. Oh. The scourge of anti-s. Oh, okay. Nights mights will not work. That's like a Mark Twain. He's like trying to reverse psychology. Yeah.

I'll show you. I'll work. All right. Here's a good one. Let's see what this guy has to say. Who do you love most? Democrat guy. Something that you love.

That's not family. This is a Democrat candidate for Texas Senate. or friends. Something that you love that's not family or friends. I love, I'm just saying this because it's on my mind. The trans children who showed up yesterday.

Love them. This guy loves children, everybody. The state capital to advocate for their humanity. They shouldn't have to, but it was an inspiration to watch. Love them. Man. Give me more

Love Okay Here's a woman ETF Funny Okay Teacher jailed for Snapchat And China's making fun of all the prayer stuff I guess that's okay

You know how everybody like touches Trump Like they're having like a religious moment Oh yeah Now a bunch of like Chinese companies Are all getting behind their CEO And pretending that they're like praying dude that's cool

china has some funny motherfuckers man have you seen elsie sign with yeah Tony yeah Tony's great what's up homie it's Tony yeah I'm here to and it's like sometimes you never know what accent

he's going to show up with and I'm like you know what homie Tony yeah I love Tony from the LC sign I want to buy I need an LC sign now just out of just knowing that he worked on it, man.

Yeah, we do. Does he actually sell signs? Yeah. That's real? Yeah. He takes you through tours to the factory even. I know that.

I thought it was like fake. He's the advertising director of that sign sales company. Okay. Trioed. I thought I recognized. Oh, I thought I recognized his Maddox co-hoves. He has a gay podcast where he debates

his retarded boomer parents for Reddit Karma. Should we watch the Maddox? Soul ringers? Ooh. Tube Soul ringers. We've got a bonus episode on Thursday where we're going to go through the first episode of Soul Ringers

with Justin. Awesome. Who will be in studio. Yeah. Oh, wow. Dude, look at this. This is Maddox's new show that he's doing with

somebody he met in, like, uh, cancer rehab? I think, both him and this guy. At the Blue Man Group auditions. They met at the Blue Man Group auditions. And they both love magic. So here we go. This is Maddox's new show.

Let's see. Called Soul Ringers. Hey, I'm Maddox. I'm Chad Colchin. We are both. Did you see that? The Hey on Maddox. Hey, I'm Maddox.

Hey, I'm Maddox. Hey, I'm Maddox Am Maddox Hey am Maddo Hey am Maddo Hey am Maddo Hey am Maddo

Am Maddo Am Maddo Am Maddo Am Maddo Does he have a big old Gorbachev staying on the side of his dome? Hey am Maddox

Look at that shit, man Let's see it Let's see how it is Uh And Wait, wait, wait Yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, let me do it

I'll do it from the video Hey, I'm Maddox Oh, I missed it All right, I'll try to get a good pause On the corporate shop thing I'm Chad Colchin We are both a long time There it is

Look at that shit, dude Shit's getting big man Can you laser that shit off? It's getting big, dog Hey put a like a little hat Like a little top hat Like a wedding souvenir Little birthday hat right there

What Maddox? Wear a birthday hat. Wear like a little string. Put some pieces of candy on the string. The elastic. You can bite off? Yeah, bite it off, suck on them. Put something on that shit.

Put something on that fucking thing on your head. He lays down on a woodblock to sleep at night and that's all the pressure. Bubbles up. That's his dickhead right there. God. That's where he, that's his. Islamic prayer callous

except he prays by ramming his head sideways into the wall because he's stupid Either that or he's practicing head spins a bunch lately But only that side He's got another one on the other side Of another horn

Chopped off Come on man You can't go on At least sit on the other side So when you turn to look at your boyfriend We see like Or maybe he's got a worse liver spot on the other side Oh he should be

He's sitting in his lap. Like a little ventriloquist dummy. His name's Spot. Fuck. Dog, you gotta change your look. You gotta fucking buff that shit out of your head. He's one of those industrial floor polisher. Why has he got sideburns and no hair?

Oh, damn. God, damn. Why has he got three-tiered fucking mud chops? What is, what's going on here? He's trying to look badass, but he looks like a bruised fruit. He's a bruised fruit. Hey, I'm Maddox. God damn.

Hey, Maddox. I was like, the wrong, Tony! Why is it like they're recorded in two different rooms? Like, I feel like one of them sounds a little bit better than the other, or am I tripping? It's fucking exactly. Corn Boys. It's exactly everything that Corn Boys did wrong. This is wrong.

But they got more episodes out than Corn Boys. Yeah. Yeah. They're committing to it. Crazy. I'm Chad Colchin. We are both longtime writers and content creators and Zandox.

Holy shit. Long time riders. Yeah. Long time. You mean long time ago? Writers? Well, he's still in the process of writing, Dick. Oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, both of you are long time riders. Wow. Who was Chad Coulchin's writing? Really? Let's see. Chad Coulchin. Yeah, that, okay.

That looks like him with hair here. Oh, okay. How to Win the Bachelor? Whoa, that's what his writing was? The average American male, 2007. Yeah, that's when books were cool. And men and women, average American marriage, the line, okay, a bunch of other shitty books.

He just likes Helvetica. He wrote a book on how to win specifically The Bachelor. That couldn't have sold very well Okay Whatever Longtime riders, okay, you're both very famous That's cool It's smart to do a show with a famous guy

We got two of the most in-demand writers, man Long time Long time No C Long time riders As Believe it or not Magic the Gathering players

Yeah, I played back in the 90s when I was in high school I know that's a long time ago But after a lot of years off I've now come back full circle and I'm hardcore back into Magic The Gathering again We started talking And now we're gonna make some content About how this thing has destroyed our lives

Yes, very much so And we kind of... No, it's magic that destroyed his life, dude Oh fuck We had it wrong this whole time Did magic I thought it was you? I thought it was you.

and sue me and it must have that's what the cards compelled them to do man that's how it ruined his life it's funny when one of them is using that like in a kind of a funny way ironically it destroyed our lives my life's way better than yours

sitting next to a guy with a destroyed life yeah right like walking into an alcohol an AA meeting with a beer like ooh yeah can't have another one these, I'll really make an ass of myself. Look at the soul ringer's marquee on the bottom. Doesn't it look cool?

It's cool as shit, dude. Learned by accident, we're just grabbing dinner. Look at that he's. The edible kicks in? He's fucking up here looking like goddamn French Stewart. He's... This is like, who can out cool whom? Yeah.

Look at this look he's Maddox has given. He ate a 5 milligram edible. lives. Yes, very much so. And we kind of learned by accident, we're just grabbing... What is that Roger Moore? That Lodgeor Moore look that he's given him? He was nodding in Indian agreement. He said, oh, that's very kind of you. No, sir. Yes, Chad Culchin. Yes, my facial hair is in three parts.

Yeah. Yes, very much so. And we kind of learned by accident, we were just grabbing grabbing you know dinner whatever you call it you know as one does in magic world in the city of Indians we're riding we're eating dinner we're riding what are you doing Maddox this sucks

no it's cool what do you talk about 1400 views go back to the banana bro we want to see banana docs we don't want to see this shit we don't want to see magic docs magic docs not cool Magic Docs fucking sucks Maddox, hell yeah,

thank you, Johnny Rocket. Yeah, everybody goes to say this is good. Everybody say it's good. We want more Maddox content. Love the show.

Okay. This was awesome. Yeah. Okay. Hell yeah. A lot of good comments. A lot of good comments. Go be positive.

Talked about Magic the Gathering. So you want to start a YouTube channel? Yes. And now we're doing it. And this is that. And I saw the glimmer in your eyes because I'm like, oh, he's addicted, addicted. Yeah, just like I am. And I didn't think this would happen again.

We were both really into magic when it first came out way back in high school. Yeah. I remember the first thing I ever opened a magic gathering was a starter deck of revised. My first rare was a personal incarnation, which then sent me on a kind of collecting of personal incarnations. Why is there a graphic for this? Whatever three or four years. I played all through college pretty competitive. Because Maddox was involved.

And then I graduated in 1999, sold my entire collection, which of course was a very good idea because those cards are now not valuable at all. And I have no problems with trying to remake that entire collection at the same price, of course. Yeah, my original collection, I had, I started getting into magic when it was in the Dark series and the Tail End of Ice Age. Yeah. And anytime I've opened a pack, I had dual lands, which are now, for anyone who doesn't know, they go for, like, an average around $600 to $900 plus dollars. They're very expensive. I would get those cards and I would be so frustrated that I'd follow those packs.

Who's ever going to play a dual land? That's ridiculous. A land as your rare was like an insult. I was so pissed. Yeah. I like, this is garbage. I'd flick them across the room. I learned pretty quickly that the dual lands were actually good cards in.

Okay. Oh. That's going to be tough, man. That's going to be a tough wood. That's going to be tough now watching it. What is this shit? As magic players, we've all been. Why did they buy these cards?

Where's Maddox? This motherfucker released a video all on his own? It's already the downfall. It's already over. Man! Chad, as many people know, I am famously a hater. Gay. When the first Universe is Beyond stuff came out,

I started it. I was like, okay, hate it. hated immediately. I don't even know why. I'm going to think about it later. It's like men on films. Hated it. Men on magic cards. Men on magic?

Hated it. Teen Jr.: Hated it. God, I missed that show, man. So good. Ask questions. But then, over time, I realized I don't care. The top three selling sets of all time for magic of gathering are...

He just said the same thing twice. This is our video about Universes Beyond. Do you like it? Do you hate it? Is it good? Is it bad? Or is it something in between? What the fucks up with their audio? That's what I was just trying to say. I was like, huh? Oh, they messed it up. They got the laptop mic and whatever mic. The other laptop mics. This is why Maddox isn't in the next one. He handled the audio on this one. I would argue. Universe's Beyond started in the year 2020 with a secret layer drop.

Bro, come on. It's like we're listening through like a public telecom or the actual... You guys fucked up your whole second episode? No, that's tight. I miss Banana Doc so fucking much, pros. Yeah, seriously. You gotta do something about the weird audio echo.

Just me or this audio... Just delete it, man. Just take it down. Don't leave this shit up. Oh my God. uh, the actors, which,

uh, you know, because I, because I thought the first universe is beyond thing, which if you haven't gathered by now, it means, they're speaking to us from beyond the grave. That's what it is.

This is the soul ringer power. That's crazy. The magic, the gathering universe like, over the rings. That's what I thought was the first one, was Lord of the Rings and Warhammer, which was the first ones that I got into.

Yeah. And I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Magic the gathering is like, joining forces with the other nerdy things. And they got Dungeons and Dragons. That was another one they did. That's what Maddox thought.

It was interesting that they were using like IPs from other popular properties. Like really? Yeah. The guy who's a notorious hater thought it was interesting that they were just shamelessly incorporating other IP into their product. Like when Lego did it. And he's like totally. This is like a new concept to him. Are you serious?

He just learned about the multiverse. I thought, oh, that's interesting. They're shamelessly cash-grabbing other IPs, huh? And it's all just totally like synthesizes with the rest of the game. They don't have like a game-breaking card to force nerds to buy it, to force your like old customers who would never buy this Lord of the Rings, my little pony shit to force them to buy it? That's really interesting.

Are you serious, dude? What happened to your nuts? IP shit isn't interesting. Dude, again, the only IP I want to see is either a banana costume or a cowboy costume. I don't give a fuck about anything else. Interesting, man. IP is cool. I'm into it.

And Lord of the Rings made sense. It felt like fit like a glove. Had I know. Yeah, the black Aragorn? Did that fit like a fucking glove? What about the Walking Dead thing? I think I would have had the same reaction. Like, this is weird.

This is just a person. I don't want to see a person on my card. I want to see. Well, it was as a secret layer, it was just a couple of cards, a handful of cards. And it was like, okay, they were kind of testing the waters to see, I think, can they license these IPs from outside of their game and have it work, have it be successful? And it was. Lord of the Rings was the first full set that was Universe's Beyond. And I think people were like that, that big of a step, I think.

Wait, was it really? every fantasy thing in the world is based on it sure ultimately I mean kill can create it all of that okay it's two bald guys having a hairline contest where do you go I chat

this is with the other nerdy things and they got Dungeons and Dragons that was a yeah yeah we have Teenage Mean Ninja Turtles we have Star Trek at the end of the year we have a Hobbit Lord of the Rings and we have

Why did Maddoch start doing this thing where he puts his hand on his chest? Like he's Tony Stark or something. He's clutching the pearls. When did he start doing that? What are the heart problems? Liver failure started kicking in. My first universe is beyond stuff came out. I started it. I was like, okay, hate it.

Hate it immediately. I don't even know why. I'm going to think about it later. I ate first and then I ask questions. The audio is just you nailed it, Brian. You just totally fucking nailed it. I realized that, first of all, you're the king. gathering as this like

spinning cards in the background. How many years? I'm watching the levels of like fucked up audio. Every time. COVID is around the time we both got into it. Yeah. And there's probably a reason it popped up on our radars. And one of those reasons,

and I learned this through just talking to people, was the universe is beyond stuff. For me too? Yeah. The one of one rate. We both got roped in with this dumb IP shit. And I was like, whoa, what? They're making a one of one card that postmoan buys it for like,

$2 million a room. And I was just like, what in the fuck is magic now? And it did make me curious. Not at that point in a way. Favorite cards of all time. And I put this card in some decks recently and people were dying laughing because it's such a weird shit card. It's called chumptode. I remember chub toad. Oh, yeah. That's that age, right?

Ice jub. The OG quirk changis. I'm putting chub tony in my magic deck and I'm go down to the store and play magic. no gummy bears for me tonight he's really gonna knock them all dead with this one guys this is gonna fucking blow people's minds but I remember chubbedoed for sure

and even that car has its own history as well like all these like old dude you imagine you're like there and this guy comes in he's like oh yeah by the way here's a card from my deck chubtoed it's like okay all right man

chungus toad get the fuck out of my card store bringing that shit. With like goofy art there's like mechanics that don't work anymore there's art that just looks like you know it's out of place in any universe

I don't even know what it doesn't even belong in the rogue universe so I'm like who cares this whole game is kind of goofy but it's not just art it's the concept of what the thing is like what the art for example this is not a magic card

it's a real highbrow shit he was in a secret layer was he actually Yeah, what was this card? The white shirt. It was just called Dwight Shute. Was it like a repurposed in universe? Or in Lord of the Rings.

Yeah. So, I mean, those are... Wait, there's the office in this shit? Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. Magic is so shot. There's just whatever. It's just like, whatever.

You got something. It's whatever. We'll print it. Mr. Potato Head magic cards. That would be dope. Toy Story. No, just Mr. Potato had fucked the rest of the toy. story.

Chestmaster, like, you get left ear, you get regular eyes, angry eyes. Yeah. It was never even syndicated, like Japan.

That's bizarre. Oh, he's activated. Here we go. It's already there. The cat's out of the back. So that's where I flipped from... Is this spot getting bigger as the episode goes on?

Like, God damn. Is he what? Is that spot getting bigger as the episode? Wait a second. He's starting to get activated. He's starting to get alive. You can tell.

He's getting a little melanated. Yeah. Into, so that's what is he talking about? That's bizarre at all. Maybe the Doctor Who fans, but other players who've never watched the show or don't understand it at all, maybe they live in a country where it was never even syndicated, like Japan. That's bizarre. And it's already there.

The cat's out of the bag. So that's where I flipped. Doctor Who? The transition from the hater into, I wouldn't say lover, but an enjoyer. Enjoyer of Universe is Beyond. I don't care that it's weird. I don't care that it's, yeah, because like the Spider-Man set, really pushed the envelope on that with the bagels and shmere. The guy is the computer or whatever guy at his desk.

Oh, yes, I totally agree. It's, I'm not saying that like the immersion in the idea that I'm an actual wizard in a fantasy realm fighting other wizards. I don't need that to play the game, obviously. I don't get that immersed in it. But when you're looking at the cards. It's like this room correction software on it. I'm like, what the fuck is that weird sound? Like, you can't hear anything else.

You can hear what they're saying. I can just hear the goofy audio. I hear all the swishiness and like all this weird shit. Yeah. you have a hand spell and there's Dwight I'm just playing a weird card game in a perfect universe I would prefer that they stick to things

in the high fantasy concept I agree like for example the entire Eldon Ring franchise they're gonna come so great it'd be it's like it's perfect it fits like a glove you have dinosaurs and wraiths and demons and

are not dragons reanimated skeletons horses What are the fucking Freudian slips? Still thinking about goddamn dinosaurs, man. There's healing water. There's a bunch of campfire, classic campers. No, dude, I totally agree.

And I think like there are some massive... Why are they sitting in the same room? Next to each other. It's the next to each other thing. It's like a title card like versus match. Yeah, yeah. Like me and you are sitting across from each other. Right.

So it's normal. That's how you talk to somebody. Yeah. I don't sit next to people and talk to them. Yeah. Okay, let's see how they close it out. I'm done with listening to this episode. I love the constant 52 card pickup in the background, too.

That's great. Keep your shame hidden that aside. I got to give it this harp. Oh, God. Anyway, that's universe is beyond. That's our take on it. Thank you for joining us. We'll be back with more takes on other magic things.

Until next time. And now they're just printing it as like, Here's some cool art. Look it up, asshole. No, no. Give me a fucking code that you have to scan on your phone. It's like a pan. All right.

Okay. Thanks, guys. Man. Rividing. Just two guys. A love of magic. Okay, okay, okay. Ugh, $50,000 of taxpayer dollars gone to lifting heifers off of a mountain.

What? this might be the video I'm thinking it is let's see it is that did not turn out the way they planned it this is a bunch of fat chicks hiking I brought this one in too oh you did yeah this is great no that's why I'm like shout out to

the avid intrepid listener who had to watch this as well this is great how it started I got a fat white girl I got a fat Indian girl or Mexican girl another fat white girl We're hiking 16 miles 16 miles Wow What's at the top

The new Krispy Cream Okay I hope there's an escalator at the top too Oh no Oh no The sheriff had to get them Oh We're okay

Thank you to the How it ended They're getting fucking airlifted We're okay thank you to Sarr for acting quickly to evacuate us. Who's Sarr? I think it's some air rescue.

Sheriff. Air rescue, maybe. Give me a break. They could have stayed up there for like six months. Easy. Yeah, without food. Fucking easy. There's snow on the ground.

They could have eaten that. They had to get pulled out at dusk. They weren't even out there for 24 hours. Yeah. Overnight. And they had to make a fucking video about it too So they're getting rescued by the sheriffs

But they have the wherewithal to selfie record it Right Oh fuck these fat Bitches What is this? And they went out to eat Afterwards That's exactly what I was just about to say

What is this a McDonald's? Is this an in and out? what's that let's okay how it started yeah it's the morning right it's not very early but they did go out in the morning to start this 16 mile hike

damned as far as they only got to mile two they're up this hill right here in the background that's where they got not even dark no not even dark when the sheriffs come in and there's snow on the ground pathetic

this poor guy had to to go up into the helicopter with this fat bitch. And she's going to tell everyone how some fucking... Handsome. Yeah. She's going to sexualize him. Okay, wait. What restaurant was that?

What restaurant is that? It's a... It has like a... Purina logo. What a burger? Look, they're shutting it down. The... The stools are upside down.

Yeah. On the window. So they ate this poor place. They stayed here until it closed. Fucking unreal. Okay. Ah. Uh, uh, uh, uh,

triode. Thanks, triode. Thank you, uh, he is a gay podcast. Middle Age data. Uh, I saw this, I thought it would be good material

for the show. All right, let's see. Mm-hmm. A man who was shot by police. Um, a man who was shot by police and later died.

had to wait 10 extra minutes for an ambulance after an officer having a mild anxiety attack took the first ambulance that arrived on the scene. So he's shot by police and then one of the cops, what do we want to guess? I think we just saw a video of him getting airlifted.

One of the cops airlifted? Let's see here. Connecticut officer having a mild anxiety attack took the ambulance sent for a man dying from a police shooting investigation fines. A man who was shot by police and later died had to wait 10 extra minutes for an ambulance

after an officer having a mild anxiety attack. What was the guy doing that got him shot? Deshawn Best. 39 was shot in the back as he fled from officers. Okay, so they just killed him. Yeah, that's okay. He had a gun in his hand.

But justified because he had a gun in his hand and the officer pursuing him had reasons to fear for his own safety. Wow, so they just took the ambulance and let him bleed out. Funny. I am fine. I just needed to get out of here. She said, okay. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. And you're dying? Probably a criminal.

Damn bitch You know I that damn my bitch got the Or was she Mexican I'm fine I just needed to get out of there she said Paramedics reported that Perota declined treatment

In the ambulance Man that about That sums up About doing everything Yeah With women Okay so you're in the ambulance Are you okay?

Yeah I'm fine I just had to get out of there Well That guy's got to gonna die. Yeah, but I'm fine. I'm fine. Well, we needed the ambulance there. Yeah, but.

Couldn't you just like... I didn't need any of your own car? You know, we're gonna need another one there now, right? Do you know that? No info was given. The second ambulance arrived at 612. Some guys getting shot in the back at 6 p.m. man you're up to no good

about 14 minutes after he got to the hospital uh best died at 741 p.m as he was undergoing treatment for the gunshot wound yeah but what did he do just walking around huh uh the series of events began when someone called 911 to report a brawl involving 30 people

including some who had guns a witness pointed officer to two men in an SUV and said they had a gun. She approached the passenger's side of the vehicle and opened the door. Best is seen on the police body camera video in the passenger seat holding a bottle of alcohol. Oh, you can't drink a...

You can't have a gun and drink a bottle of alcohol and hit the vape? In America? Come on. Not saying shit about Israel. I'm just here. They've been drinking, having a gun. Being an American... I support Israel.

Yeah, during the chase. Best pulled out the 9mm handgun. Not a good idea. as he ran into a lot filled with disabled cars as he ran into a call of duty level Youn Heo fired his gun twice striking best once They really didn't want him to get away with that vodka Yeah Okay, well that's too bad in the ghetto

Arguing of the baby if my wife wants if my wife starts admitting being wrong after we have our son I'll drop dead from the shock not really Wrong. Not wrong. But if it's baby related, you can get away with criticism that you couldn't even imagine. I'm not saying the other stuff will fly magically. It won't.

But if you can couch it in, it's for the baby. I think the baby needs me to watch more. I think the baby needs me to go out with Keon drinking. Then you got an end. Cheers, suffering salmon. Thomas.

Hey, Dick, I served in the Marines for eight years, and I'm not on disability. I spent most of my time in service as a tank commander on the M1 Abrams Tank. I got a great ASVAB score. What do you think that stands for? Ass is smoked. Ass is smoked, okay. I don't know, the rest. ASVAB.

ASVAB. Asks smoked. And, I don't know. It's got to be a funnier acronym. Adam. Ass is smoked? Hmm. I don't know.

Asvab? Yeah. Asvab. Got a great ass fab score. Despite being retarded. I could have done other things, but said I wasn't going to ship. I wasn't going to ship unless I got a tank contract. I was directly in a training accident where a Marine died. Whoa.

We were in full combat, loadout, and we were both struggling for air and deep water. Why were you guys doing that? Training, man. Can't you train that? like with reading books? Nah. Well, you got a guy killed here. So...

He wasn't the chosen one, dude. Chosen one would have made it. Training? We were in full combat loadout and we were struggling for air and deep water. What the fuck are you training for? In salt on Iceland?

Ice fucking kingdom? We were in full combat load out and we were both struggling for air and deep water. What's deep water? I know dark water. Pirates of Darkwater. Yeah.

I know Blackwater. I know Blackwater. Yeah. I can't get all my money there. Do you think that guy drowned him? That this guy who's riding in drowned his friend? Yeah. Yeah.

I think obviously he did. Because he tried to get hit. We were both struggling for air. We were both... I don't think that's a nice way to remember your friend is saying we were both struggling for error and I lived. And he's gay. Yeah.

You remembered your friend as a little bit. Yeah. Well, you know, we were both hit by that car and we were both struggling and hanging in. there but one of us made it out if you want to know the truth about it how can we not talk about Ralph

today? We got pretty far I like that you saw what did you see when you walked in and sat down Ralph's passport on my desktop I didn't know that was there

no so I was just aimlessly why you got that passport on your desktop I said say what click on it Ralph's passport All right Don't put that on your desktop Don't put that on strange people's desktops

Why are you saving your Why are you saving shit to other people's computers Why have your passport on my computer You think he impregnated that girl? Oh Scarlet I don't know what's going to make me sick Or the thought of that or

This fantastic beer Man I finished my beer I'm not drinking the room At the very bottom Ralph finally found his match you know

i guess so yeah it's really you just need a good woman the lid for every pot yeah the ones that god gives you are garbage you gotta go through a lot of women before god gives you a good one right mostly you get garbage you know mostly you gotta like ah this one sucked how do i get another one well it's a huge pain in the ass actually

if you want to know the truth about it but he finally got a good one for him for him Yeah, nobody else. That's the big asterisk. That one would be good for nobody else. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard as when Ralph was trying to get Scarlett to fulfill the obligation that she signed up for with the porno tape and the goal. You know, not forcing her into it.

She was obliged to it. She may not have agreed with it, but she was. But she stayed there the whole time while the goal was active, so she certainly party to it. Every day I wake up and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And then they're arguing. And they're arguing is getting heated and intense. And Ralph stands out and I'm like, oh, he's going to hit her. Here we go.

And then she says, or one of them says, I forget which one says, oh, you're going to hit me. Both of them said it at the same time. Like they're finishing each other's domestic assaults, you know? And then they both go like this on camera and put their arms behind their backs. I have a shot of it. I took a shot of it because it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. And they both, I bet you want to hit me right now. I bet you want to hit me right now, right now, right?

That. And I said, incredible. Where's Lynn Manuel Miranda right in a play about this? Yeah. Let me find it. Come on. This right here. Look at this.

I said these two people are performing at 100%. More like 500%. Are you kidding me? That's pure art. Because I wanted him to hit her. He could have. He still within a striking distance. But she pulls this out and I said, ah, maybe I don't.

I mean, I don't know. They both know how the game works. Finally. They both know what's going on. Finally. I think this is technically wigger maxing. Something's getting maxed. Do you think there's a third baby on the way?

I hope so. Do you know? I hope so. There's nothing more, you know, babies are wonderful. Babies are wonderful, yeah. Babies are wonderful. It's usually like all the people who shouldn't be having them.

Well, each baby is a chance to restart. And if the other ones, if the restart doesn't work so well, just do it again. It doesn't matter. So I see some families walking around like 20 kids? Each one was an attempt to restart. Yeah. Man. But this is one of the greatest.

It's always the temptation of beginning again, dude. That's what keeps you locked in. I don't know. You want to hit me? fucking wild and I said finally, finally a woman who

can hang because usually, you know, women are in that situation like, oh, don't hit me, right?

And then they, and then what do you know? She was ready to strike back. She was ready to who would have to draw first mud, like Israel. Who's going to draw first mud?

Is that what you said? Yeah. Just wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Ah, okay. I gotta calm down. Too much for me. Maybe I should see it again. There we go. Oh man. That'd be a good fight title card too. Be old like flaming verses with the lightning in the background. Soul ringers. And it's in black and white. There's just so much that I love about it.

Um, okay. We were in full combat loadout and we were both struggling for for air. in deep water. He grabbed onto me and I had to fight him off. I succeeded and he died. So he drowned it. We called it. So you're just at work playing around in the ocean. Playing grab ass. Playing grab ass. wearing a bunch of

stuff that will make you drown that you didn't pay for and then your friend dies and you have to kick him off. It's going to take you another 500 years to earn that back, soldier. Nice PTSD from that. Well yeah, you killed them.

Yeah. What an asshole. He just wanted to tell a story how he killed this friend and make us feel bad for him. Shouldn't you have saved him? Come on. I would have saved him. Yeah, I would have saved him too.

You suck. I would have kicked more with my feet. I would just want him faster. Yeah, I would have not been in deep water. I'd just say, let's call him sick today. Yeah, I'd be like, what are you doing in deep water? Come over in a shallow water. I don't want to be in deep water.

There's no fucking water. in the desert? What are you talking about? What is Israel attacking King Neptune? He found Atlantis. What are you talking about? Israel, they found Atlantis? Is anti-Semitic? We got to go swim down to the Marinera trench and fucking fight King Neptune and the fucking globes at the bottom of the ocean? Fuck that. I don't want to do that shit.

In another instance, I was rocked bad by a high-speed tank collision. How fast did tanks go? three miles an hour. He was just hauled battle tanks fucking right into each other. I've seen what you military guys fuck.

You're getting tank collisions all the time. So, don't come to me with no rocked, getting rocked bad by a tank collision.

I was commanding my tank in the field and saw another tank. So he's out with his date. Saw. Saw another one. I was commanding my tank.

As you see, you know, you see a, a little skinny trailer trash guy with like a big fat bitch like the Ramal over here come in

you know you ever seen a guy out with a fat woman he's got a periscope and a little desert camouflage Operation Desert Storm fucking

Operation Desert Storm Yeah Okay everyone calm down Everybody settle the fuck down I was commanding my tank in the field and saw another tank,

which didn't broadcast movement. Fat women will do that. You can't tell them. You think they're sitting on a bench the next thing you know, they're right on top of you. Where the fuck's the bench? We can't ever tell whether she's coming or going, so...

Yeah. Gravitational lensing. Barreling down the way, barreling down the way at my stationary vehicle. I was screaming, stop. into the radio in vain. And I just watched this tank T-bone into mine at 45 to 50 miles an hour.

Which is a lot of ass behind a 70-toned vehicle. Yeah, that's a big bitch. In my mind, I'm thinking that he's actually describing a fat woman. Me too. I'm like, there's no way this joke is driving a tank. This bitch got loose from the dollar tree next to Whole Foods and she got lost and she's all angry. Where's my gum-where's my gumdrops?

They got no gummy bears. Looking for deodorant? It was due to a second lieutenant officer basically being negligent. He hit us so hard that it penetrated the armor to the depleted uranium core. Mm-hmm. I've seen women that big. A lot. A lot of women I've seen that are that big.

They have depleted cores, too. I've seen a bitch that'll deplete your core, that'll deplete your uranium core so fast. Well, she heard it was yellow cake, so Since I was standing Half out the turret, my back got rocked Into it real hard And now I have diagnosed back and neck problems Okay, just so I'm clear, this was all playing around, right?

Both times he's fucking around. We have a little thing we like to call Screwing around That involves playing rushes up, going into the ocean, fucking around, driving go-carts around, or tanks, or whatever, crashing into each other, being silly. It's called screwing around, right? Yeah. Okay.

Just want to make sure. No, but it's a training drill, actually. It's a fucking screwing around drill. Fucking... Why do they make Army guys train at all? Like, you're just going to check out and screw around. Just don't do anything. Sit there.

At any fucking job anywhere. I'm pretty sure you could learn everything you need to know. about using our military technology when you're flying over to Iran on the way over. It's a long flight. I'm pretty sure you have enough time. Yeah, you can autopilot most of the way there while you read. All these guys have been playing Call of Duty for 18 years. Like, I'm sure they barely need any kind of instruction. Right. You go. It goes like this. Yeah, and then you shoot that part, yeah. Like a wheel. Wher, we're going to be swimming around and playing grab ass and the deep.

No, we're not gonna be playing any deep water grab ass. Yeah. Get out of here. Go to the deep water by yourself. Go to the deep water by yourself. You want to grab wainers and stuff that no one can see in the deep water. That's what they were doing, dude. I'm in the fucking deep water, bro. And then Ralph was saying Scarlett has 12 grams of cocaine on her and he gave her address as he when he left to go to the airport. It's like, this is fucking amazing, dude. This is This is beautiful. That's... This is courtship. At a degree that I've never seen.

And then Myron Gaines is on TV talking about his gay little dog and how much he loves his wife. You know? You see what I'm saying? Right. You see who the real misogynists are? Mm-hmm. They're not putting them on TV. Too hot for TV.

Too hot for TV. Talking about this bitch has cocaine. And here's her actual... Here's her actual address. And I'm going to docks her dealer next. I said, oh, he's back, baby. He's back. But they're putting Myron Gaines out.

Yeah. Like he's the face of misogyny. No. No. I'm the fucking emperor of misogyny. I'll tell you who he's women. Ralph is like the DVD you find at like the store where it's like, okay, here's like the racing section, whatever. And then you're like, wait, here's all the undergris.

like racing shit like what like this doesn't even have like a real label on it and you put that in and you're like well and it like fell in the crack and it's like a christmas story and you're like hey mom can i get this one and it's like it doesn't have like a uPC symbol on there's just totally like someone made it and like the devil is running the register and i'll let you just take that one and it's the best shit you've ever seen in your life man it was good you gonna hit me death the system man you can't beat it you can't beat it you can't beat it Um, of course I have a bad knee, which needs to be replaced and hearing issues from less dramatic incidents. I have those things.

Okay? I didn't get a lot less grab ass playing. Yeah, I didn't get to do any grab ass. Yeah, what the fuck? I don't know. This guy's just bragging. I didn't get to dress up in GI Joe clothes and go swimming in the deep water. I still fucked up my hearing.

I don't get any fucking government grants for it. That's bullshit. I didn't get to play with any tanks. Me either. actually, and now I'm pissed off about it. But I'm not using disability. You should, though. I didn't use...

I mean, my grandpa got fucked over on disability for his whole fucking life. He's in World War II. Killing actual Nazis. He didn't get shit. So take it. Either you're getting it or Somalians are getting it. Actually, either they're getting it

or both of you are getting it. So get it. Yeah. I didn't use the GI Bill to get my degree. I didn't use the GI Bill to get my degree. Why? Stupid. I signed up for dangerous retard shit.

and got to do it. Sure, I'm probably one of the ones who rates it, but fuck the government and fuck their money. No, don't fuck their money. No, no, no, no, because that's anti-Semitic. Yeah.

It's not the government's money. I don't expect everyone to think or feel that way. We've established that I'm retarded. Yeah, you've got to get money, man. You need money. Mm-hmm. But I'm pretty fucking sick of fellow veterans who milk it.

Yeah. It's like every fat chick who got medically separated because she rolled her ankle three days into boot camp is getting paid out the act. There are fat chicks on medical, on government army medical disability? Yeah, dude, and they get fatter. It's like every fat chick who got medically separated. Is that like a euphemism for something?

Mechanically separated, like all the pork products, yeah. Like when they got superhero, like weightlifting, and they're like, dude, like, you're lifting 200 tons. Like, whoa, like Spider-Man. Yeah. It was like this fat bitch trying to eat a handful of tater tots. You know?

It's like, like, like Omni Man. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Omni Man. Because she rolled her ankle three days into boot camp

is getting paid out the ass. Sorry for the long email. I guess it kind of turned into a rant. I think it turned into a confessional because you have severe PTSD from the murder love you Dick please tell Johnny that love him as well

Thomas the Tank Commander Yeah man Thomas the Tank Commander Did they tell you when you win When you joined or they're like hey you might have to murder somebody Like in a training In a grab ass scenario Are you okay with that?

He proved he was a bad enough dude man Are you bad enough dude to drown your pal? after playing grab ass with them in deep water grab ass goes wrong do they have a when grabass goes wrong in the military I guess that is the military

yeah that is when grab ass goes wrong and then you gotta watch Jake Paul and Trump talk about gay guys getting thrown off a building so you look in your helmet you're doing it for him

and it's a guy acting as gay as possible so he doesn't get thrown off a building like thank you now I can act as gay as I want Angel wings just flying away that's cool man I just don't think it's a big priority got a lot worse shit going on in the world

currently yeah they throw a lot of they throw a lot of people off buildings so do we over there yeah we throw buildings on to people

hell yeah uh p as I recall you saying that you don't want pictures of people's cat so here's my cat I didn't look at it I deleted the email as soon as I saw that all right everybody Patreon.com slash the Dick shall

See you next. See you on Thursday. See you on this episode. We've been going a long time, haven't we? It was a long... Shee. Presenting... Dick, you guys are all wrong about the thing. Homosexuality is something

that you like choose to do, you choose... What are you going to say? Theme's still going. Oh yeah. I can hear it. Is Ralph still in the United States? I need him and... Scarlet to never be apart. They're like the Matrix, like Neo and Trinity.

Because putting them too close together brings down the machines. Remember that from Matrix 4? That's true. If you get them too close together. I need everyone. I need them to be together. They got to keep crossing streams. That's what it is, dude.

Yeah, crossing streams. And he's kind of slumming it. Yeah. Ralph, you know. Well, I don't know. Dude, he's back on top right now. He's on top, but he's like, you know, I'm just saying, like, looks wise. Doesn't even matter for someone as prestigious as him, dude.

He's slumming it a bit. You know. He's a personality guy. He's a personality guy, you know? You have to go away for a little bit so you can come back. Yeah, I've heard that. You know? I should try that.

I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Yeah. Dick, you guys are all wrong about the gay thing. Because homosexuality is something that you like choose to do. You choose to fuck a guy in the ass or you choose to suck a dick or vice versa. Right, right. It's like gay.

What's gay is cuddling with them afterwards, going to the movies, holding hands in the park. That's gay. You can fuck a dude in Sylvie Street, but you can't like cuddle and kiss him. That's when it's gay, man. Come on. That's gay. You know this. Are gay guys cuddling and kissing each other?

This is a guy who's fucked another dude before. Oh, yeah. Sounds like it I can hear it It's just like I mean He's like He's saying that if you fuck a guy That's not gay

It's the cut so he's saying look I'm not gay because I didn't cuddle him afterwards Yeah So we don't know what you did He was sucking and fucking Dixon and dicks in each other's mouths Yeah Hey Dick

What makes me a rage is When you're hungover And you're behind someone in the drive-through And uh They haven't pulled up to the speaker box Even though there's room their windshield wipers are on and when they finally do pull up

they roll up the back window instead of their front window so they can talk into it what the fuck is wrong with this guy I've had to do that a couple times all right go fuck yourself I think there's something wrong with this beer dude hey I'm Dick's kidney stone

and this is how I talk I was here chilling at the doctor's office waiting for you to pick me up so we can make a formal introduction finally. I mean, waiting all this time to meet you face to face. It's great. Kind of got lost on my way to the ass. My way to the ass.

Squeezing me out in that bathroom. Only problem is some shit came to pick me up. Dirty blonde hair, kind of ugly and sickly looking. She was Asian. Really sad, sullen face, stunking in eyes. Poor, poor. force use of a human. First name Heather, last name asked.

Didn't say what the last name was. But she picked me up and I'm chilling out with her right now. So see ya. Okay, well. Maybe she did steal it. Shit. Somebody stole that shit. She ate it.

Hey, Dick. I just got done listening to episode 500 and towards the end, you played an Instagram video of the guy with the greatest job or Justin Vopes. Oh, yeah. That dude is one of the funniest people alive. I went to high school with him. He's a guy on, he catfish, the MTV show Catfish. Like, he was going to be up with this other guy in a park.

Like, look it up. It's the funny thing you'll ever see. Oh, really? So he's faking it. Shit. Troll. He faked catfish. Didn't like that.

That's funny. As long as I've known it. He is so fucking funny. That's really funny, then. Don't call me back. Bye. I'll check it out. me really happy.

I hope he didn't fly too close to the sun and become AI sick. Because, like, you watch all of his videos and it's like, ah. It seemed a little too good. Yeah. You know? Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. What do I do about my...

No, not what do I do. Sorry, let me rephrase that. My boss doesn't do jack shit. I work in a nursing home. And he's got every word in the fucking world for me. He's got every bone to pick with me. When everybody in the. building is aware that I'm a mover.

I work hard. I do the things I'm supposed to be doing. A mover. But the second I'm not there, I'm constantly receiving fucking like, make sure he's telling me to make sure I pick up things that I'm already aware of, like that I've been trained to do. He's telling me to do these things like I'm fucking stupid.

And then the second I go, hey, something's out of line. Like, this doesn't work. That, the third, he wants to fucking make excuses for it, like constantly, every fucking thing. So I just stop fucking giving Now I don't answer his text. I don't fucking respond. I don't

help him out. Pure emotion. It's like running on pure motion. I feel like that's what why quitting really is. Sorry, that's a rant. But man, when you like your job, it's fine to work there, but your boss can't fucking get a clue. Right? And act like a human for

one second. It's got to be some fucking shit. Like, it really makes you want to just fucking quit your job. Oh, man. Yeah, man. Being micromanaged by someone who won't lift a fucking finger is like the worst. shit ever. That

sounds like a fight that my sister and my dad have. Both of them caring of so much about something. You just got to let it go, man. It's tune it out. He's yelling at you, just like, yeah, I mean, whatever. I don't care about it. I don't care if things get done.

Doesn't matter to me. It'll get done or it won't. Yeah. Definitely won't be perfect. Whoa, I don't even know what perfect means. Try that one. Float that one across his bow. I don't even know what perfect means. Could mean anything. Could be in the eye of the beholder.

Throw some shit out like that. Really fuck up his day. You guys are on too close of a wavelength. Yeah. You got to perturb it. You got to set up set off the fucking amplitude or something. Just haul off and yell at him one day. Yeah. Go nuts.

Yeah, go nuts. And then say the donuts made you do it. Go the other way. Go Could you say that again? I wasn't listening. I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to that. What did you say? Just be a bigger piece of shit, man.

Stop caring about it. Stop caring about work. Yeah. Yeah, you're caring about work? What's wrong with you? Just miss a day, you know? Miss every day. No notice.

I didn't know I had to come in today. I thought it was free Tuesday. Yeah, it's a day off Tuesdays. You never heard of it? You never heard a day off Tuesday? Everybody gets a day off Tuesday that they don't have to report. Fuck, yeah.

It's like a thing. Try it. And relax. Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. The Noticer, calling back. I appreciate the making. Oh, shit.

Uh-oh. All right. This could go anywhere. The notic-huh. The fucking thing that autistic people cannot get enough of. Hypotheticals. Do we hear this one already?

I think we did. I think we did. Okay. How about this one? Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. You saw the, pilots get shot down in Kuwait.

Yeah. I used to be a captain in air defense in the army. And boy, boy, to do that, they shot down three planes, three of our planes with hawk missiles. This is like Soviet-era ship. And so in order for our jets to get shot down by a hawk like that, we would, they'd have to be driving slow as flying, slow as shit, right? And so the Kuwaitis, the retarded Kuwaitis looked at their radar. They saw this ship moving slow. they went, as a drone

they shot him down. Oh, is that what happened? Everyone you tart out on all ends. It's so fucking stupid. Because they're playing around. They're just playing around. A Kuwaiti alert. Or an all-around retarded military operation alert.

Well, you can have like, if you have a big military fight, you can kill a bunch of their guys and stuff, but if you're just like shooting at mountains all day and they don't even have an air force, you're just going to kill each other. Yeah.

You know? You're just screwing around. Someone's going to get hurt. We're fucking around. It's the difference between like war and screwing around is there's no other people that you're fighting. You're just screwing around. Having readiness, whatever, is that you're doing. Stupid.

You don't need to do anything. Just relax. Okay, let me find, let's get your... Oh, shit. You know what. John is brain wrong. Here we go. Oh, man.

Here you go. So here's a divorced dad with custody. Okay. Partial. Aw. Water. Put that cup water up in there. Leave me alone.

You don't see me putting this cup water up in there? Yeah. I'm a big back. You is a big bag. No. I'm a big bag. Cut water. Leave me alone.

Oh, I never even watch it to that part. He ate his kid happy meal. You bold. You're dead wrong, boy. You ate. ain't your kid happy bill you ain't need you worry about him uh-oh boy that cut do something to you yeah cup water put that cut water up in there leave me alone you know what's this ironing board on the ground dude i'm telling you it's like a hoarder house inaction he's ironing paper towels that's kind of tight

that's how you save money okay okay uh ghost rider makes a cameo in india dude there is a guy that i have on instagram now because of you he like plays caroms Oh, like King of Karim, yeah. Yeah, and he flicks, then he goes... That guy's the best. There's multiple Karam kings. Oh, fuck, I got to... Okay, I gotta go on.

It's so annoying. Everyone is the Karam king, and I'm like, well, I guess if you have nothing better to do with him... He hits it every time, though. He always points to the shot. He always calls his shot. He goes like 20 times, and then there's an eyebrow writing. And his kid does it, too.

The Prince of Karam. Yeah, it's cool. Yeah, so here's Ghost Rider. Okay, it's a guy on stage He's playing with fire. His head catches on fire. His face. He's supposed to do some fire breathing.

It's already going around. Yeah. Right? It's just. Oh, wow. Apparently stop, drop, and roll doesn't translate to Hindi very well. Is that fire hot, do you think? I don't know.

Why is there this kid down here? I think that's who it's supposed to be. God, indie is so interesting. Yeah. It's just, it's like a mix of the ghetto and the trailer park. Yeah. And like Burning Man. Dude, my favorite, because, right, growing up, you always see like the snake charmer trope in cartoons.

Yeah. And recently, I don't know how or why. I've been getting lots of snake charmers who've been getting bit. and then it shows like the whole in like the 30 second clip it's like they're pissing off the snake they get bit and then it shows everyone crowd around them and then it's like they're in the hospital and it's like then they're

floating their dead body away again they're supposed to take the fangs out no they don't do that it's too expensive yeah okay and so here's our last one of the day when bros says life is like a movie well the fat woman alert was the helicopter oh okay so yeah when your bro says that life is like a movie

but the props department was out that day and this is also from India definitely put the audio on for this okay he's an Indian guy juggled oh juggling two liter glass bottles smashing himself in the head oh no no no

oh my god dude he's bashing himself in the head with that makes my head hurt when I hear that dude why is he biting it he's pissed at it each one of those empty thugs is just like fucking Christ

is this all this guy does is not break bottles yeah okay now he's gonna he's got a bottle hanging from a rope. He's gonna kick it, I guess, or punch it. I forget what he does with this one. But he misses for sure. Oh my God. Oh, no, he's gonna punch it. Oh, there's his thing.

Ow! God damn. Yeah, there's some other videos of him trying to do the bottle break on his head too. This is his thing. Fake, trying to break actual Oh. Second try also failed, he says. Dude. This is what I saw for.

I can't believe Instagram is free. What is this? Is that piss? He's got a five-gallon jug of piss? That's insane work. Wax? Man Yeah, that was obviously stupid way to do that

Okay, here's a bunch of Indian roller coasters There's no way in the hell I would get on one of those I would never get on an Indian fucking roller coaster They would scream in sheer terror The shitter Alright, that's good He's got a blow torch here Okay

Oh geez he put an aerosol can on a lighter and let it sit there and this is like an apartment in India oh god damn it all right you're done you're done that's it

these fucking Indians always scamming us man yeah okay goodbye everybody beers are gone IPA's good that's great I don't know what's in it well

if we're doing a Thursday episode from the hospital will know why. Yeah. Because of this guy. Test batch 0-0-01. All right. Goodbye, everybody. See you on Thursday.