The Dick Show - Episode 502 - Dick on The Day the Chungus Died

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

Chuck Norris is dead, Iran blows up Israel's secret nuke lab, a camp for your wife, more Sol Ringers, and a guy who has problems with his mother; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Patreon told me to apply to It's called like the creator fund Some festival in cans They said you really you should really apply to this I get the fuck out of here What are you talking about? This is like for Guys like clavicular

It's not for guys like me Yeah I'm not showing up to no cans What's the cans situation? Yeah what's the can situation? Not this guy They got a sign they got a sign that's been AI generated. Do not let this guy in. Say, holy shit, it looks exactly like me.

We took all the deadbeats that have ever been kicked out of this hotel and ran it through an AI filter model. He trained up a universal deviant so we could warn bartenders and it looks like this man. This is what he looks like. I'll apply anyway. What the hell? I'm just going to make a bunch of shit up. Why not? That's all everyone else does. I'll say, yeah, I'm applying to the creator fund for Cairns. Why should you be here?

Because I, too, have a creator fund out of Cans. It's called the Recreator Fund. It's also called the Creator Fund. The restructuring. It's called the Creator Fund Alpha. It's Creator Fund Zero. That's what I run a different fund. It's called the Creator Fund

Supreme Plus, plus you got to pay 100 bucks to apply so don't even think about it. That's a whole day. I'm not wasting a day on one application. All kinds of questions.

There's hidden questions too, so you can't just make AI do it. I'm going to fill it with slurs so they know a real person did it. Not an AI. Right. I say, by the way, I'm going to curse in this application so you know that it's really made. Please don't hold this against me.

I'm just trying to make sure You should hold it for me. You should hold it away from me. Thank me, actually. You should say, look at the gumption on this guy. Cursing. He's a real human. Yeah, proving he's a real human.

Keeping that shit short. I'm keeping this shit short. Number one, I use the N-word. Not when it's being recorded. Keeping it terse. Keeping this shit terse. No way I could produce this sort of terse vocabulary as I. Not me, I said.

You know how fucking weird it is writing a college application that you know is going to be read by people younger than you? It's like, what the fuck is this? I haven't had to write one of these since high school. And that I was like imagining writing into a smart, you know, governing body. Right. Now I think back on that and I'm like, just writing it to a bunch of cunts. A bunch of TAs. A bunch of TAs.

A bunch of women. They're going to hate me. They're going to hate me and everything I fucking do anyway. What's the point? There is no point. That's what we train the AI to do. Talk in a way that's... Talking a way that's flattering, appeasing...

That makes them happy. Talking a way that makes HR gets updutes. It's an updute machine. Training an AI to be the dumbest fucking most obnoxious piece of shit. We train an AI that pops out of the womb, the digital womb, looking for somebody to fuck its wife. That's what we did. now Elon's moving it to outer space

Do you see that? Elon's launching a bunch of computers into outer space so they could be up in space and be cold Circle around the earth to an AI Like that's gay man It's cool That's cool though

I like what you're saying But I know it's gonna be gay That's the problem It'd be funny if you thought it was getting rid of all Like evil computers Well I know let's just put them into space Get them in space Let's get their ass out of here

into space. I'd be all for it if that was the case. Me too. Um, what are you, what are you most excited to be paying tax money for? It's tax season. The, um, the, um, the, the, the, the, the, the, the month long squeeze on my heart that I'm forgetting something that's going to cost me $20,000. It's worse now having a kid. I'm like, that's for him, that's like a million bucks in 20 years, you know? I guess. I don't know. I'm not very good at math. I'm so bad at math. We went out to dinner for like the first time since having a kid. So it's horrible. I thought I'd be able to not go out to dinner for the rest of his life, you know? So he'd be like, because I'd be like, well, he's three. He's too noisy. I don't want to cause a big scene at the restaurant.

Like, well, he's eight, you know, he's using too many bad words. He's throwing. food too much because I taught him to throw food and we go out to a restaurant so we can't take him out I was 16 he's a real piece of shit we can't go out we can't go out because he's not here we have to go out as a fan I thought I could take that I thought I could ride that forever but I got the feeling that if we didn't go out to dinner my mom my wife would go insane and kill me you ever get that feeling I have gotten that feeling yeah inscells don't know about that feeling it's a feeling you get in the pit of your stomach where you know

instantly you know somehow maybe your ancestors are talking to you and you can smell it on your wife or tell it in your quantum tunnels in your brain you think if I don't take you out to dinner I think you're going to fucking kill me in my sleep

tonight or tomorrow it's coming so let's go have a $50 pizza it's like the closest way I can describe it is like the moon crashing into Earth and

Diora's mask. And every three days, right, before the fucking thing comes and kills the whole world. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, oh shit, I remember being... You got to be like, I gotta play the song. I gotta play the song. Start it all... Start the clock all over again. Yeah. Yeah. No, I remember that.

And then every three days. Three days, yeah. You're like, you're like, man, I know it's coming. See when you... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see it up there. It's sky. And always looming. And then one day you... You look up from your computer and you go, oh shit, there it is. It's right there. Let's go to dinner.

It's got to Dorsey is. I got to play this fucking song. Justin's said, hey, there's a package waiting for you again, King. I said, I said, I got it. I'm on it. There's no fucking chance I'm going again on Sunday morning to go get a package of a minute. I'll get it for next week, Justin. Great bonus episode.

Great bonus episode. Horrible prank of the Odules. that Justin brought in just because he's sober too many bad decisions have to go sober that's going to be my I'm going to have a TED talk

how does one become sober too many bad decisions and everyone's going to go laugh like priest's humor and then I'm going to go in a row I've developed a mathematical formula that shows how people go from moderately and even excessively

consuming alcohol into a path of decision making with too many bad decisions in a row. I have a formula for that that you can plug your lifestyle in and see how many bad decisions you can make in the severity of it. I've run it through AI in space

so that you have to make a really bad decision and give up drinking forever. Yeah, you've really got to fuck up. It can predict nine out of ten sobrieties. So I got out to have $50 pizza with my wife and the wage and it's like one of those cash only things like all right I'm messed up already

I haven't done math I haven't done this kind of math in a long long time cash and she's like here's the here's the check I know you guys probably want to get moving because she's kid I said yeah yeah here's the money I probably need to she goes you want to change she's like yeah of course I don't know

it's probably like five dollars and then she was she disappeared like fucking tuxedo mask or something she was like I said five dollars I was trying to added up in my head like what's the minus of tip of 80 dollars minus and the bill was 55 wait a

minute let me and she was like and spun around as soon as it came out of my mouth and we powder a poof of smoke and oregano and I and then I was doing the math like you know the guy and I said no oh no I didn't just give her a 15 $25 no $20 tip right No no no no no no no no no Okay she'll know that that's excessive right She'll know that that's excessive

So baby's starting getting out of control She comes back and she's like all right here's your change You said five right And then she vanished again like she ran by and dropped it You got fucking bamboozled And my wife goes already ready to go And I said hold on let's just She goes you're not thinking of ass

that waitress for more money back are you and I said well I am going to no I'm not thinking about doing it I'm going to do it it's in process yeah it's not so no the answer is no let me do you want the Israeli answer do you want her beeper explodes and then I go yeah ha ha ha ha now we're seeing a waitress disappear like that before. Yeah. Because she, that was ill-gotten gains, man. She's fucking absconded

with my money. What was I even talking? Why was I even talking about that? I'm about money. It was about... Tax money. Tax money, yeah. It's the beginning of the season where feels like my heart is in a vice

being gang-raped on all sides. Who are you most excited about giving tax money? tax money too. I would probably say folic acid and tortillas. Folic acid in the tortillas? Yeah, that's a good one. I'm going to drive by the barrio.

I hope you guys enjoy my tax money. Enjoy some acid in your tortillas, courtesy of the white man. I hope you're enjoying your free Medicare. How about some free acid in your tortillas? Exactly. You know, solving the larger problems in the community. But they're getting around it because the Mexican store had. tortillas in Ziploc bags now.

And I know that shit didn't come from no factory where they're inspecting it. The Mexicans are avoiding the inspectors, like the Israelis for their nuclear program, you know? Classic Mexican activities, man. They've got their, they've got the tortillas getting produced in front. And the inspector comes in, like Hans Bricks, you know? Hans Bricks comes in there with his checklist. And he's like, okay, you got the foric acid in here, okay? And then the Mexicans are like, see, they're looking like homies.

What the hell was that? Oh, hi, buddy. Yeah, they got the, they are all looking like homies. You remember those? Yeah, I do. They're looking like the whole set in the gunball machine. And then they go straight into the dumpster, the tortillas. Yeah.

And they're making the good stuff. They feed them to the birds. Mm-hmm. The illegals, boomers, are you excited about paying boomers your money? So they can have a second vacation home? Why not, man? Retire early, yeah? Retire even earlier.

Black people? I'm excited. I'm probably most excited about giving them my money, actually. At this point, yes. I feel like they earned it. Yeah. I really, you know, they have earned it. They really have, man.

Well, they provide with, like, a lot of yucks, you know? They make it worth it. They're doing a whole, they're doing their whole own thing. They're doing more than their part. Israel also is getting some of the tax money. I'm not too hype about that. Although it seems like they're going to get, I mean, I don't know. I'm a bad guy.

Iran's a bad. We're finally getting to see what bad guys can really do. Yeah. on the world stage. So it's great. As I said on the bonus episode, the raper of my rapist is my N-word.

Is mine? Nebba. You can sit there. It's okay. Nobody's going to mind a random Hi, buddy. Hey. People steal his toys in baby glass

and he goes, hey, hey, he chases him around the room going, Hey! Hey! He knows the rules. Yeah, he knows the rules. Don't be stealing my shit. Squeaky wheel gets the grease. They're really doing...

Every move they make is just exactly what I would do. Yeah, it's funny to see play out. It's really satisfying to see after all these years of getting raped by the government. It's really satisfying to see someone else rape them. Finally. Yeah. Trump's like, we're going to blow up your power station, which is like totally, we're blowing up your power plants, right?

After we killed all your little girls, killed a bunch of little girls, which obviously AI did. Like AI mistook it for a weapons department and hit it twice. Obviously, obviously Israel did it, you know. Sounds nice. Hit it twice, man. Like, okay, whatever. That sucks, but, you know, I'm getting raped too, so. I paid for it.

Imagine how bad I feel. Um, it's nice to be able to point and laugh for once. Yeah. You thought you could rape me. Kill a bunch of guys, huh? Well, you killed a bunch of kids. Don't you feel stupid?

Trump says he's going to blow up to power plants. And I ran said, oh yeah? We'll blow up all the power plants said if you do that. We're going to shut this fucking straight of Horma's down forever. That's so funny.

And I swear, I was watching the Iranian, I don't know what he was. I don't even know if they have ranks. They probably have like a Calvin Ball-style military. Yeah. Or guys just call themselves, you know. They have like supreme leader and shit. You take a number. They have names like the Ku Klux Klan.

I'm the Imperial Wizard. Like, whoa. Why? I don't know. Thought it was cool. Okay. It was cool. Casting racism spells, man.

Yeah, they probably do have, they probably do have magicians. Like they didn't, like in the 300, remember? Right, that's what I said. Persia had magicians and shit. Oh, wow, it really is. We're fighting the 300. Wow. So Trump said, I'm going to blow up your power plants.

So your Super Nintendo's and stuff don't work. And the guy gets on TV and goes, oh, yeah? We'll blow up everything. everyone's stuff, all everyone, all the oil. I thought, whoa. And he, I swear to God, I was watching him do it. And he gave one of those looks like

Linar de Craprio memes, like like that, like, hmm? A little sideways smile. What are you going to do about that? Right? Nothing. What are you going to do about that? You can't.

Go ahead, blow it up. Nothing to do there, yeah. It'll be up. It's going to be over. And we're not going to get, well, everyone's not going to get what they want. Right. But this is the time right now where it's like, where it's fun. This is like the night before Christmas before you got to take everything back.

Like, I don't know, maybe. Because if they blow everything up, then China's going to have to go, we're going to nuke Israel. Yeah. If you guys don't just get the fuck. If America, if you don't get out of here, we're going to 100% nuke Israel. because we need all this stuff now. And we're going to say, I guess, okay, war's over. And Iran's just going to go, all right, we're going to keep bombing Israel then.

War never changes, man. Right? It's a possibility that Trump's going to go down in history as the number two genocider. Not number one, but number two. Right. Oh, wow. You let a lot of these guys get. killed man that sucks but

should have been fucking around uh all right let me play the theme song then I forgot what I was actually talking about he's got that face oh he you want diginidic you love dick you got it's the show rooms the contest coming from mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city failure I'm your host Dickmasterson aka the 20 million dollar man

joining me as always Johnny the audio engineer. What's up, man? Can you hear him going? I love it. On the mic? Can you really hear that? I think.

I hope. Uh, oh. I'm glad you're here, honey. I'm sending you to, um, uh, uh,

ATL assassin class. Jira, you know what Jira is, Johnny? Project management software. Oh, I did see something about that. Yeah.

Canband boards? That's right. Because I'm not going to get another. If I'm getting any more priority, zero, complete this ASAP tasks in the middle of the night, I'm not going to be getting them on Notepad anymore

or via email. If I'm on the clock like I appear to be, I'm going to be getting it in a, I'm going to be getting it in a certified way. I'll be getting it in a project management system. That's designed to turn these sort of requests into a process so you don't murder your project manager. Does that sound like fun? Project manager school?

Do you want to get certified in Jira, ATL? Cool. Assassin? I'm going to start it. It's going to be called send your wife away. Khan. Get rid of your wife a con. Like Comic-Con.

Right. It would be at the same time as Comic-Con, actually. ExcelCon. Yeah, and what you do is, I'm going to have it in whatever the longest flight is, all the way around the world. So everybody sends their wife to learn project management in Jira. So they can all use the one tool to assign tasks. You got to keep her flying the, whichever way.

ends up putting her further, further. Into the future. Send your ass. Like Superman, the end of Superman, but the opposite. Right. You're going to go that way. Yeah, you're going to other way.

Your tomorrow's problem. Get the fuck out of here. And if I get another notepad, I don't care that it's red. It's great that you found that you could make these red in the middle of the night. I don't want to wake up to a, I don't want to wake up to a fucking red message.

Call the air conditioner today! That would be so much more palatable on Jira or confluence or boot camp. So that's where it's going. Send them to boot camp. You go into boot camp. Google to-do is not good enough. Like Google. Click up.

You're going to click-up camp or podium camp. Everyone's wives going. It's going to be the fucking Super Bowl for wives. sit there and watch a TED talk on how to nag your husband with canband boards and colors. But they don't even know that this is such a thing exists. Restart the Harvest Crusades?

Illegals? Okay, how hype are we on the? Illegals were paying taxes for? Boomers. What did I say? Boomers? Black people. Israel. Black people, Israel. What about black Israelites? You know what? Black Israelites?

I'd pay a lot for that. actually what are we I'm probably most I'm just most psyched about black people I like them what can I say

I miss it I miss when it was us versus them I miss when we were learning about racism and shit yeah I miss movies like American History X

but you walk out and you're like you know what black people are just like us I think I guess was the point of that movie I don't know

just got to watch do the right thing a million times now I'm watching now I'm getting hit with sci ops and propaganda that I don't even fucking know

I fired up Grock and I'm like hey what's the end game for what's the end game for this Iran shit what if they start nuking everything what if they start blowing up everything I see they hit Israel's secret nuclear facility today and Grock started Grock responded to me with my name

said well dick and I said you're fucking propagating me dude there's no other reason to use somebody's name right in the front like that who's got to you what happened to Mecca Hitler? Bring him back here. That was cool.

I'm getting propaganda from my fucking calculator. I miss the old days. Miss the whole days, Johnny. I missed the old days, man. We fucked up. We fucked up with Link Biscuit in Lincoln Park. Dude, well, I was telling you, like, before the show, like, after unironically re-listened.

Well, I'm starting White Boy Summer early. Yeah, good. Right? So, you know, and much like how white people do it, I bought a bunch of CDs for my car. Yeah, okay. None of this streaming shit. It's, no, I like this CD. I like tracks four, seven and eight.

The rest of them suck. Dude, you know, I want it all back, man. He loves you. He's a great. He thinks he are hilarious for some reason. It's because I pay him well. Like you're a fucking knee slap. I'm already a real barn burner over here.

I realized, man, that was white people protest music. Yeah. It's like, you know, like break stuff, right? Yeah, break stuff. Everybody's fucked. Everything sucks. The machine is... I just want to break shit.

Like, fuck you. My job sucks. We're being fucked over. Yeah. They're treating us bad. The non-specific they are fucking us over and treating us bad. Yeah. And it's not just only why it's like they're treating all of us bad.

And it's like, yeah. Sometimes you need, like, a white guy to just get pissed off and start beating shit down and I was like man yeah then everybody gets it a little better yeah you know and it's like you know what the next road rage I think should be like a desert rage we should

get everyone to go out we tried that it was not fun no like motorcycle kind of desert not burning man I'm afraid of those guys metal militia guys that's fucking peak white boy summer man yeah we need like a full on fucking like chicks are too hot too aggressive I don't know

Everyone's throwing full beers into the fire and having them explode. It makes me go, ooh, I feel like the, you know, I feel like I'm at a

country club. I think Lake Havisu is the last like white people outpost. I've never been there. You just shouldn't go. But if I go there, if I go to Lake Havisoo, I got to gain 40 pounds

at least. I'm working on it, but. Yeah. You got to go to the river, man. Um, all there is to do

after you've been working in the high desert all week. Go out to the river. Look at this shit. I saw this right before I came in. More clavicular stuff. Where is? Oh, I found the clip of that guy.

We were talking about the bonus episode. The IDF zip tied his genitals. Remember that? What were we talking about in the bonus episode? We were talking about the zip tied genitals. We did another Maddox episode. Oh, Donnie's out of here. He got bored.

Here's the zip tie genitals. Here's Caesar Chavez getting erased because they can't handle his anti-immigration stance. You know what's And they're making a fucking Mexican Do it man That's the worst I mean

Come on man Cesar Chavez The name in the Dodger Stadium Rape Ravine now Oh man Rapean Canyon Raping Canyon They're naming it after the 13 year old girl

That he got a handjob from Or whatever he was doing Bullshit That's bullshit shit. See, Chaw getting ho-jos in the fucking B-room? Honestly, if you are famous like these guys,

you got to be really aggressively sexual with adult women. Like, Michael Jackson, who did he who, like, an adult woman? If Michael Jackson had raped an adult woman, no one would have believed the pedophile stuff. Like, no, you raped Dolly Parton. He's not a pedophile? You kidding me?

How do you go from raping? He was so overcome with his lust. for Dolly Parton that he raped her. He's not fucking no kids. Not with those tits. That's like, you gotta think fourth dimensionally here, is what I'm saying.

Caesar Chavez should have been out banging Marilyn Monroe, or at least talking about it. I just thought you were going to say Marilyn Manson. Like, that'd be even crazier. Yeah, okay. That works too. That guy wasn't fucking kids.

He was trying to fuck Marilyn Manson. Like, no, I didn't, I didn't know Riddle little girl. He was trying to get his ridge removed. I'd rape Marilyn Monroe. I love that, you know? That's the only defense. Good offense.

Otherwise, look at this. They got some fucking dude spackling in, probably doing a shitty... He's doing a shitty job, too. He's doing a fucking shitty job of it. What better... What better way to honor Cesar Chavez? Some goddamn Mexicans.

Fucking spackling in his marble. engraved. It's going to dry up and just chip off after a while. It's going to look like his name, you idiots. You're still going to be able to... It's going to dry in the shape of the letters.

You fucking morons. You fucking idiots. This is exactly what you do on people's houses. Yeah, they're just going to keep adding layers. It's the landlord special, man. Can you get my ex-wife's name off the porch? I engraved it there. Sure, essay.

Sure. Sure, hefe. Spackle. One spackle. You gotta grind it down, dude You can't just put one layer of spackle over that shit One layer of cement you Count spacula over

Count fucking spacula Bring in the spacklers They'll take care of this It's not taken care of It looks like shit Everyone's still reminded of the rape now That you put in everyone's head They raped it with spackle

They're gonna name They're probably gonna name the Dodgers ravine After that The 13 year old girl They should just fill in the Dodgers ravine With spackle fucking They're going to name it to the raped

Canyon The raped ravine The raped ravine And your Los Angeles Dodgers Lovely day here at the raped Ravine I'm your fucking announcer

An AI God Fucking Fucking kill me at that point Oh look at this shit Come on I don't believe I don't believe

leave you that he was dittling little girls You got all the time in the world To spackle up This, but you can't remove all the graffiti Everywhere and clean up the fucking bums Why don't you spackle the bums into the ground Fucking assholes?

Put some Dude, they should fill the potholes with bums Zamboni their ass in there Just shovel them in Yeah I got a text about a guy running for city council I said, are you gonna kill all the homeless? He said,

we're going to make the streets safer. I said, are you going to kill criminals? Not, are you going to make the streets safer? Yeah. Because the streets being safer is me staying inside. So I need to be real clear. Are you killing criminals? Because that's what I'm voting.

I'm not voting again unless I get, unless I get fascism explicitly. None of this hinting about it. It's going to be, we're going to use the military to, uh, imprison and execute people who disagree with us. Just daily Ferguson's? Yeah We're gonna bring out the fucking fire hoses and the neck guns And we're going wild

We're going wild Downtown Um Boomers probably the last on the list Boomers I'm least excited about Not very excited about boomers, no Black people at the top Israel

I'm not really excited about that illegals or Israel What am I more excited about spending my hard-earned tax money? What kind of illegals? What kind of illegals? All broad spectrum or like Somalians or Mexicans, you mean? Yeah.

I don't know, they kind of all fit in the same one. Fuck. Yeah. At this point, totally fine with illegal Mexicans. Me too. They know how to handle a road soda. Yeah, illegal Mexicans. Illegal Mexicans would never

make it illegal to ride a moped on the sidewalk. You know? They would never vote for that shit. The fact that there's a sidewalk you could ride a moped on. They're like, what? Oh, does it some kind of a moped road? Does that say? Some kind of road for mopeds?

Separate road? Like a highway for mopeds? That's what they think. Like Indian people shitting in the street, they're like, you've got highways for mopeds here. A highway for shitting on. See, you can take the ramp. Why else I have a ramp?

people don't need ramp yeah great question why do we have the fucking ramp then so the one asshole in a wheelchair can fucking not have to sue the city about it that was funny that wheelchair person had to sue the city

because the homeless took over the sidewalk and then they got hit by a bus or something fucking Chuck Norris is dead fucking great burning hell you fuck yeah the guy who's

started quirk chung as shit. Chuck Norris responsible for the office, improv comedy, everything that's gone, everything that's gone wrong in comedy for the last 40 years, 30 years,

Chuck Norris. Dead. At who cares. Good. Fuck you. Maddox posted, Chuck Norris doesn't die. He just takes a

vacation to kick death's ass something like that god I fucking hate Chuck Norris God fucking damn it man I'm like Dwight whites from Dodgeball fucking Chuck Norris good

well it was like back when all you could do was like well you're either quoting Anchorman or you're making a Chuck Norris joke yeah and it was like out of sheer desperation for anything to fucking talk about everyone fucking lashed on

to Chuck Norris jokes Yeah, it was a real weird Real type, real weird type of knock knock joke where you could Like demonstrate your mastery of tautologies It was like a French You know, court Kind of like, oh, dog whistle

Yeah, it was like kind of a Rick and Morty high IQ dog whistle Like, oh, Chuck Norris doesn't kick Your ass, he asses your kick. Like, oh, well, Wow, okay. Fucking gay. He queers your gay.

Chuck Norris doesn't fuck your ass. He asses your fuck. Yeah, I got it, man. I get it, I get it. That's the title of the book. You can just say ass and fuck. You don't have to disguise it in a fucking church. I don't say Chuck Norris.

Bro, we're Chuck Norris. It was like the first shared internet cultural identity. And it was, it sucked and all the rest of them suck. Fuck you. Look at this guy Remember that guy clavicular? Vagly He's like a little weirdo

He's streaming with this is his buddy Watch him Look at his shoulders He's wearing shoulder pads But for what where muscles should go Isn't that weird Watch this Watch him doing this

He's adjusting his fucking Shoulder muscles Bro he's like wearing a He's wearing like a muscle suit like a comical muscle suit. This guy's like one of the biggest streamers in the world. This is what they're teaching to young men. To stretch Armstrong, Max?

Yeah. What the fuck? I don't know what this girl is in the box wearing probably autistic headphones or something. He looks like a four by eight. He looks like aluminum siding. Why is him doing this? This is fake hair too, by the way.

This is hair is in the hat. that's fucking crazy that's fucking crazy dude I mean I get it our hairs on the headphones so I mean yeah I should put that

on very elaborate headphones uh we talked about afro man on the bonus episode had you listened to any of his songs no

you gotta go listen to his songs I will the songs that got him in trouble or that pissed off the police that's really funny I still can't get over how fucking funny that is Some of them are like, you know, Afro-Man style.

Or it's just like another song that he sings weird. Right. It's like a, like, what is it, Wesley Willis or whoever, rock and roll McDonald's. Yeah, but better. Yeah. But better. Much better, yeah.

Better, but the same. But then he's got, he's got some. Let me try to find this one. Like the only reason you can tell it's a different song is because there's like a few new words in it. Yeah. Afro-man. pedophile song He starts

Yeah Brian Newland is a flag He interviews Prostitutes In this song Who were propositioned by One of the cops For sex

And then he claims that the cop Was Caught soliciting sex from a minor Or raped a minor It was like I was just skipping through the Afroman So he was like Ha ha funny Afroman

Ha funny I was like whoa What? What? Let me see if you have the same reaction. I'm just gone on record estate. Brian Newellyn does sleep with underage girls. Oh, what? Oh, shit.

It's funny because they use rap lyrics and court cases all the time now. Like indict people who've like confessed to murders and like shooting people and shit. Oh, they do? Oh, yeah. To the flag. Brian Newellyn is a flag. He used to play. Dude, look.

They all have. full, they have full wrestling signs that say pedophile and have this cop's picture. I didn't know I didn't know he was going this hard. Dude, that's, this is incredible. Funny as shit ever. They really, they really

pissed him off. You can't be, you can't be pissing funny people off, man. Little toys. Now he plays with little boys. I pledge allegiance to the flag.

Brian, And this guy He used to play with little toys Now he plays with little boys And This guy takes the stand In the trial And he's obviously a pedophile

Like Instant, let me try to find it Dude, I couldn't believe it Good for Afro man Yeah, Brian Newland Uh Or Deposition. He was in the deposition, I think. Here it is. Don't you better not...

Would you introduce yourself to the jury, please? My name is Brian Newland. Okay. Uh... Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

You're now in a deep, dark hole. Just that intro. You are... You're on the dark side of the moon of suss. Dark side of the little boy's asshole. And Mr. Newellyn, where do you live? No street address just generally. I live in Adams County, Highland.

And how long have you lived in Adams County? From 1995 to 2010 and then from 2015 to current. What were you doing between 2010 and 2015? Raping kids. honorable discharge? Yes. What do you do for a living? I haven't had police officer.

Man, I've never seen a cop put their hands so far down in their lap before. He's like scratching his thighs up there. So it's better. The aframan stuff is better than I even thought. He fucked them all up. He really did. He's got footage of one of the cops getting in a car accident, like just running a stop sign and flattening this other car.

Fuck. It's really great. He did deserve to get... I mean, you could see how he got sued. Like, why he got sued. He deserved to win, but he was really going hard. They shouldn't have fucked with him. No, they shouldn't be fucking with people.

Okay, let's see here. Chuck Norris is dead. Great. I got Eric July wearing lifts to Comic-Con. What is this? Let's see here. Oh, Riley said something about Eric July. He's fat.

What are these shoes, though? Look at these. Yeah, okay. Whoa. You've just seen a shoe like that? God damn. How many inches is that shoe? Is that a regulation shoe size?

That's like the ultra-orthopedic joints. Wow. It's super pillowy on your... spackle that on? Do you know what it is, dude? Fresh off the spackling site. Did he walk in some white mud and then let it harden? Is this a real shoe?

They're selling this now for guys to, like, look taller? He should have just got those, like, red Astroboy boots that everyone's been hyped on. Yeah, at the shape store. You could have got them. He should have went to the shave store, dude. Is this a real shoe? Did Riley doctor this? I don't know.

Looks pretty weird. That's a fucking crazy. shoe, man. My shoes are like normal. Like if you look at my shoes, you're like it's a shoe. You don't say... My shoes are made a cardboard, man. I'm very eco-friendly. Okay, let's see here.

Fabiana Bolsonaro, Brazilian State MP, did a blackface against transgender people in the State Assembly of San Paulo. All right? That's pretty cool. Let's see.

Do do doot. This is in the state assembly, government, or whatever. Oh, yeah, look at that. She's doing a protest of trans stuff by doing a blackface. She's saying this is what you guys look like, doing trans stuff. I'm going to do blackface. I mean, gets the point across. Yeah.

Are... Would a... trans person ever do something this retarded, I guess. Because this, I see a woman doing it. I'm like, oh yeah. Bingo. I could see that. I could see a woman doing that. It's like that John Lennon's song, you know? What song? Woman is the... Yeah. Yeah, you know. Yeah. I could see a woman doing this and even more retarded stuff. And I'd say, yep, that's about right. But I don't know if a trans person would do that. Let's see.

I'm I'm a now. I'm going to puttied for out. Posh, I'm

really she did a crappy job, huh? Why can't presidia commission about racism, anti-racist?

For why I don't defend this? Because I only got the outside of her arms. And like,

her face where her hair isn't. Because I'm not so Negro. And she didn't bring any red for her lips.

like big, you know, she's not really doing black face. She should have got black, black, you know, like mammy. Yeah, color, not she's wiping it off already. She's off already. I'm saying, I'm so

I'm a woman. I want to be vis-vista as woman. She should have just tarred herself and not feathered herself. Yeah. She should have worn like some fubu or something. She's wearing this dress.

It doesn't really... It's the same color as her black face. And she's protesting because this, uh, trans woman was appointed the, um, was appointed to the commission for the defense of women's rights. I think everyone forgot about a beach of muda, which was a trans, like, media personality, who was also deaf, and they would try an interviewer on camera.

Oh, no. This is about as horrible as you could... Trans? And deaf. Were they trying to do a voice? Yeah, oh, yeah. It's about... How?

How do you try to mimic a woman's voice of your deaf and trans? It was spectacular, dude. It's a very old clip, but... I feel like this could have been really effective. Maybe if she had done it first Just come out Come out with the blackface already on Don't try to put it on while you're giving a speech

She had like a purple velour outfit Yeah And like a pimp named Slickback Or like Was tap dancing on like some bones And then she came out and talked You know like it too Do they have black people in Brazil?

Color wise, yeah but culture-wise, no. Culture-wise, no. They're just Brazilians. Yeah, okay. I want to say it's funny, but you just have to commit all the way. Yeah.

You didn't even get your eyelids. It just looked like she was making a mass eating chocolate. Yeah, it's just like you're eating shit and got it all over yourself. Like you're eating diarrhea. You got to come out with the whole act. Like, yeah, what's up? I'm here.

to say I hate in a major way doing like a foghorn leghorn impression I would be like okay

maybe she does a point she came out with a basketball and a Lakers jersey she said I just got here

on my helicopter whoa Colby and one headband on yeah and like a fur coat and stuff

that would have been that would have made the point you know I can't wait till it's midsummer I missed out on this last heat wave, but when it's midsummer,

I'm gonna find a big ass Foooo jacket that goodwill or something. And just wear that. We gotta put some air conditioning in like a big Fubu jacket. Have like some air conditioners so they're super, so you can wear them everywhere. Just walk around. Like a jetty lined interior?

You know the fucking hamster guy? Remember him? The underwater hamsters? That's right. Is he big into Fubu now too? He was obsessed with like with air conditioned clothing. That's right. And stuff. Like he would have a, he would have a generator on a moped or something.

He was telling me all about it one time. Dude. I don't really remember. If there was like an AC unit from like an 86 Buick in there? Yeah. Just blowing ice cubes all day? We can use mine. We can use my AC units.

I mean, the jacket would be big enough you could install a wall unit in there just fine. Yeah, that would be cool. So basically committing to the... Because they... Once you start with like, once you start with this kind of... commentary you're on our side now so you you got to go all the way yeah you can't like you can't just do this one cute little dalliance into it was dipping a toe into the vast yeah just dive it

marinara trench of it all uh all right here is uh here is a some scientists decided to debunk the Africa has a low IQ myth. They decided to prove it. Well, let's see. I haven't watched it yet. I clicked on it one time

I clicked on it in. I saw the scientist was dressed like Ricky from trailer park boys. I'm like, all right. Check it out. I guess from trailer park boys. An old participant male. Our candidate included

a mix of young an old participant, male and female, as well as a level student. Everyone who participated was above 16. Only 3% of the participants scored 102, and another 3% scored over 80 and over 90, respect to. What? Yo. Oh, man, how far did they have to go to find a black guy who would do this study?

Uh, only 3% scored over 100. Wow. Okay. The highest group, 26% scored 69, followed by the second highest group, 20% scored 76. Disappointingly, 52% of participants scored below 70, accounting for half of a candidate. Overall, the average score was 73, while the median was 6%. This raises some pertinent questions. How does IQ affect a population's ability to invent, produce, develop, or run a country?

Is the IQ test really useful? Quite a bit if you've ever played SimCity. My man, you're a scientist and you're dressed like Ricky from trailer park boys. And nobody told you. That's the study. That's the study right there. It was a leftover hound's tooth print from the handbag factory next door. Uh, let's see here.

Iran, yeah, I got that one. I saw Iran had some demands for if they would stop because the U.S. is like, we want to negotiate. We want to ceasefire. And they're like, we don't. This is great. We've been preparing for this for 40 years. We're all hit up in the mountains. We got missiles that come out of the ground, like spiders, and they shoot and they go back in.

and they only cost like 20 grand and you guys got to shoot them down with fucking half billion dollar missiles. Stupid because you guys decided I don't know when drones came out that nobody could make them

because you're because you suck right so China has to make them so all you don't have any drones so whoops sucks for sucks for you really sucks for Israel

sucks for you guys hmm Let's see here. Ziptied is genitals. Oh yeah, the worst female umpire in the world. Okay. Somebody sent this in. They have female umpires in baseball now.

Here we go. In the minors, you're doomed to fail in the big leagues. Wow, pretty good pitch. Right down the middle, catcher did not even move his glove. You're doomed to fail in the big leagues. Pitch is a breaking ball outside. We had our first challenge and...

Wham! What is that? What do we call that? The call is overturned on a pitch that was right down the middle of the plate that was called a ball. She's on in the minors. You're doomed to fail in the big... She called it a ball. She called it a ball.

What the fuck? We had our first challenge. Look at this. Ball. Why are they letting women do umpires? What is the point of that? What the fuck is the point of that Yes that is a ball flying at you bitch

Jesus Christ Maybe she just had Tourette's and was calling out what she was seen It's because he moved his glove Because the catcher put his glove down and picked it back up She's like oh he's moving his glove around It must be a ball Like Hans the clever horse Dude

Come on get rid of them Ball Who's our Our little boys growing up Like oh man thank God A woman in the A woman umpire Because every other woman in my life

Has such amazing judgment Like my mom and my teachers at school They're just fucking impeccable It doesn't feel like you have a gun to your head And you're desperately trying to explain something obvious To a fucking retarded person Every time I have to deal with them Thank fucking God they're in a position of judgment in a game

She's a better call ball Just let the AI do it Oh yeah Here's a woman ETF too All-woman ETF I'm excited for this one I should just put everything in it Short it

Fuck it Women eating the food Women eating the food Hypatia A women's CEO ETF Oh it's down today That's crazy

How did that happen It's down every day Oh look at this Oh shit Down, down, down, down. How far is it down? Six months. Oh, it was up a little...

See, it'd be funny, but... Oh, wow. That's funny here. I can't believe we're still on the... Women doing shit. You know? Thought everyone was sick of women. I guess not.

I guess not. Yeah, here's two more women. No state has ever been repped by two women of color. Thanks. It's about to change. Thanks to Illinois. I don't know. Is this one really a woman of color? Looks a little Asian to me. Yellow is a color, right? I guess. Colored. Is that when people said colored people? Because they said colored people. And then they're like, you can't say that anymore. It's people of color. That's always bothered me, man. And then it's so of in there. It's all good. And then it's Asians too. Well, I don't think anyone ever called an Asian an N-word. How did that go from colored No one was going like

Look at all these colored people built the railroad They weren't saying that were they Let's go have some color people food tonight Like orange chicken Egg rolls What's your favorite kind of food? Oh color people food Oh really? People of color food

People of color food Kung Pout chicken General So and his General people of color You know what? Yeah they should do that Call it the General So's People of Color menu.

See how that goes over. You know what is the ultimate cute shit that pisses me off, dude? Uh. Is Genghis Cohen? Uh, yeah. I'll never eat there. It's like, okay, real fucking funny. It's right on the border, too, of Israel town in Hollywood.

I get it, Gangus Khan. Genghis, like, amazing. It's Genghis Khan with little tiny glasses And they're open on Christmas That's the joke But they don't have enough funny stuff on the menu like that Just a normal Yeah, it's just like a regular-ass menu

I thought this would be like a joke Place That's the thing is that it's only joke in name Yeah They quit halfway Serious Can you believe that Africa I'm Qman Teabunk

they messed that up all right when he said disappointingly I knew disappointingly uh oh yeah

women okay um paraolympic weightlifting oh yeah check this out check out this is a big bitch

doing a weightlifting it's her standing up off a bench they got a big one uh this is uh this is

uh power lifting I guess Paralympics. Is Paralympics? Is that Special Olympics too? Or is it just like a handicap? Well, I think it's cheating because they colored them like lifesavers. Yeah, it's a big fat one.

Obviously food motivated. You can't be like. No, but check it out. You're going to be totally. 145 kilos on this occasion. And how much weight does she live? Solidify that position on the. Did she shout Allah?

Did she really shout Allah? She's laying out like she's on a stretcher. I benched a lot in my life, more than anything else. And I've never wanted to bench with my legs sticking straight out. I didn't know that was the way you'd do it. That's a fucking... I thought the back was fucking important. I thought you...

Is this like to isolate your... Fuck your shit up? Yeah. That's why she was screaming. Allah! Position. She wearing in a hijab. She's about 300 pounds.

I don't know what she's paralyzed in. Maybe her legs are paralyzed. I guess that would make sense. So they got her in this fucking stretcher. They wouldn't have the like, wherewithal to put him in like a pretzel or some other funny, like, formation. Man, if I ever, like, go blind or something,

lose my sight, whatever I'm gonna, I dedicate the rest of my life to doing whatever I really need that thing to do. Like drumming, I'm going to feed drum. If I lose my arms, I'm going to do bench press. Right. You know, like pistorious, like I'll get some levers or something.

You can be one of those boomers, yeah. The motivational boomer. I lose my legs, I'll do marathon stuff. God. If I lose my wiener, I'll become a porn star. Still do marathon stuff. Okay, here we go. Let's see here.

Have you ever seen anything that Incredible? She benched. She didn't even sit back up. She needed someone to pull her ass up. She benched it like one inch. What is that? That's enough.

I've never seen anything like that before. Look at that. What? I don't think the bar even goes down one bar of itself. I don't think so, right? No, I think it goes down exactly one bar. That's all you have to do now this. I guess.

What the fuck? And there's all these people like looking at her and paying attention to her. Like tending to her. She's hype for God knows what. What is that? I don't know. It's like watching a fucking star-shaped gingerbread man. Fucking trying to do shit.

It's so crazy. Like when you're looking at her from the top view, it's just like, what the fuck is this shit? but again to get like that much of a fucking lift that's not a lift just once not even like a fucking full set come on oh man I feel like I've been in a coma for a long time do that shit 30 times I'll be impressed

they dropped her on that nuclear research facility in Israel did you see that all that damage I mean it makes sense they just got a lot they got her they drop her over and over You gotta do recon missions Al-A Israel's got to be pissed

Man I would be fucking If Gavin Newsom started a war with Colorado And I was getting rocked with missiles I would be fucking pissed at Gavin Newsom Not Colorado Like man You fucked around You cost me my

Whatever Dollar store You're the reason we're in the Olympics now did this, not them. You did it. Get your ass. Get your ass down here. Cyber attack against American breathalizer test company locks out drivers across 45 states. Whoa. A cyber attack.

I don't know. I think all the alcoholics called in and were like, yeah, this is a cyber attack. I can't go to work! I can't go to work. I don't know. I think every single one of you pieces of shit blew fucking hot. What do you say? Oh, yes. Uh-oh.

Must it be a real outage today. There's going to be another cyber attack on the breathalizers. I can't go to work. What a bunch of guys. We're all stuck in the bar. We can't start our breathalizers up. Yeah. It's not like Japan where you fucking...

Oh, no, it was like two seconds late. You get a ticket with an excuse to go to work. It's like, oh, no. Well, can't start my car up. That sucks. Because the breathalizers been hacked. Not because I'm... And there's one.

guy who's like shit face right? You don't understand. But you barfed into your breathlizer. Have you ever known anybody with a breathalizer? Oh yeah, dude. It's shameful. Yeah, it's bad. It's like, come on.

Get it together. Come on. You can't be a bad driver and a driver. Because you know you got caught a couple times. They don't just slap that on the first. one. Right. And the second

and the third one was probably bad that you got caught with. It means you can't drunk drive. Yeah. And you knew it.

You should have known you can't drunk drive. Then you got caught and that should have woken you up and then you kept going. So it's not even the it's the being bad

and not, because you can be bad a lot of stuff and you don't recognize it. Right. Which is even worse. Substantially worse. Yeah.

You're a menace if you got one of those. Somebody called it up Hey can you do one of those hacks on the breathlisers? I got one of my car That's the most uncoded shit ever Just like on someone's Android search history Like how to cyber

You're botting The fucking breathlizer company Yeah Scam my card Oh shit It's not accepting it Fuck Yeah I can't go to work

Here's a funny story Says a mailman went totally postal On a four-year-old Jewish boy in New York Throwing him to the ground With such force His yamika flew off his head I don't know why they put that part at the end

Well that's it makes it anti-semitic I don't know why I've never heard a phrase I've never heard a story phrase like that Not a mailman attacked a little boy Or a Jewish little boy But a male man attacked a little boy So hard that his yomica

popped off his head. He said that he went postal. Fucking, what did you expect he's the mailman? That's his career. Let me find the story. He is postal.

He didn't go postal. He's been postal. Totally postal. On a four-year-old. Don't be saying popped off his head. Blueish shits move off, man. TMZ.

What are you guys doing? A mailman went totally postal on a four-year-old Jewish boy in New York, throwing him to the ground with such force that his armacule flew off his head. That is anti-Semitic. Totally inappropriate.

If he's talking about flying off the head. Yeah. Knocked him right out of his shoes, they said. Yeah, when he get hit by the mail truck going 50? Uh. Yep, yep, yep, yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, this one's pretty funny. So these, so this was phrased in a not funny way,

but it is funny. I came across this one. This says, this is this journalist, right? And she says, this is the third time I've covered a story where a woman, the tagline of the story is, they said I was crazy and put me on antipsychotics. Then the police found a man in my loft. So they said she was crazy

and put her on antipsychotic medicine. and then the police found a man in her loft, and this woman says, this is the third time. All caps, third. I've covered a story where a woman has been put on antipsychotic medication for saying that someone was living in her house. And each time the woman was right, and each time a man was eventually arrested

and found to be living in her loft, one case in Australia, two cases in the UK. This, of course, is absolutely atrocious. But it also serves to prove that there is zero science to the psychiatric disorder diagnosis. This young woman was put on heavy antipsychotics that made her feel like a zombie for trying to report that someone was living in her loft.

What scientific or clinical process led to the diagnosis that she was psychotic and delusional. Nothing. What rationale was there for the antipsychotics? Nothing. In cases like this, women are disproportionately represented. Women try to report abuse, violence, concerns, and are still being chalked up as mad with no evidence whatsoever.

I've been working really hard behind the scenes for months now to build something that can step in when this kind of thing happens. and I will explain more soon. There has to be a way to stop this from happening. Women like Chloe are everywhere in every country being gaslit and medicated for no reason when they try to report concerns. It's funny because, first of all, you've got three examples

of a woman getting put on meds where there was a guy there, and there's like a zillion examples of women just being... Fucking insane All the time You know? Yeah I never found the demon in their house

It's funny because I can't imagine Here let me load the article up Let me load the article up And you'll see exactly What happened here Oh Bo bo bo bo bo bo bo boo

There you go Bingo Bingo wow Oh wow this woman had problems A young mom from Kent says she was put on antipsychosis medication And dismissed as crazy after insisting someone was living above her flat only for police discover she was right Frogging is the act of secretly living in another person's home without their knowledge or permission Did you know that?

Who didn't? Frogging Chloe was living 31 So imagine that you're 31 And she was living in a brand new brand new build block of flats in Gravesend with her two-year-old daughter when she noticed that a hatch to the loft in her ceiling

kept being left open. So you're coming home to your apartment and there's a giant hole in the roof. Giant panel being left open. Only

only a woman could take that to a psychologist could end up at a psychologist or something like that yeah there's there's something wrong we've got to do something about this gaslighting and this this this this problem of women who obviously have a home intruder getting given psychotic antipsychotic and somehow taking it for some insane reason when there's obviously a person in their house that

they should obviously fucking see and perhaps, I don't know, find a man to come in and go into the roof or maybe hang out for a couple of days or maybe get a flashlight or a gun or some pepper spray or literally anything and solve the problem of a strange person obviously being in their house rather than going to a psychiatrist. That's fucking... Isn't it? It's kind of like burying the lead. Like they're skipping over a really important series of... An important series of steps that happen before you are 31 years old. Oh, there's a big hole in my roof. Surely that won't be a problem. I should go to the police.

In a country that's famed for chimney sweeps and all this rooftop fucking activity. I thought it was strange, but I didn't think anything of it. Yeah, shocker. The spacious loft covered the hole of the flats on the top. floor later that evening she was watching television when she thought there's someone there they're looking at me okay uh at no point should a psychologist should a psychiatrist be involved in that chloe said she rang a friend who lived in the flat below who reassured her that there was no one there but later the same night when chloe couldn't sleep she heard footsteps above her coming from

the law uh cloy said she called everyone but they talked her down they told her it was voices in her head and that she was crazy no one believed me she said but i didn't don't blame the people in my life then. Yeah, because you're probably totally insane. Chloe said she was known to mental health services at the time and it was dealing with issues such as anxiety and feeling.

Like, you're, you're so crazy when something actually happens, it's impossible to... Boy, who cried Wolf, man. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. It was funny when I saw this and like, yeah, um,

I can see that. I can easily see how somebody who's like compulsively creating drama for themselves would get someone living in their attic yeah she like invited the demon in yeah she was known I'm a different person now

back then I was a little bit wild she admitted she also explained that she had a condition that made her hear different environments such as swimming pool okay so she's still lying she's still up to the she's still up up to the uh just happened that there was a guy up there yeah I have all

kinds of conditions. Well, now you have a guy in your attic. You want to chill out on those other... I don't find it to figure of speech either. It's fun to have OCD and schizophrenia, like pretend OCD and pretend schizophrenia until there's someone in your house. And then, I don't know, you kind of wish you

had just been normal. Didn't play it up the whole time. What if this is the crazy, like, the craziest like Anne Frank 2.0 review? Yeah. All right. Let's read some comments. Lox.

Ass is smoked, vagina's all blown up. What is that? Oh, asfab. Asfab? I forget what it was in reference to, but... I don't remember what that was too, yeah. I think it was that guy drowning his friend. He was talking about how, like...

Oh, yeah, he was all asfab. Yeah. Poor guy. No, his friend's the poor guy, man. His friend's the poor guy, yeah. He's straight up murdered again. so that he could live long enough to tell us this story. He'll never get to do boots on the ground.

He's going to enter in Thailand with a fucking belt around his neck and a gun in his mouth. His gun, too. Yeah. He's been so proud of this whole time. He'll never get to serve, man. Okay. Furious anger. Nice ping pong delay on the Maddox buzzer.

415 Nick. Showing up to do a show at Dick's house and bringing O'Dul's is pretty funny. Yeah, it was great. They're still here. Riley says, woman alert. Okay. Let's see. Woman alert.

Woman alert. What do you got? What is this? Wait. Royce, what are you got? What are you sending me? What's wrong with my messages? They seem a little weird?

Everything's fucking slow. Everything's fucking slow today, dude. The hell's going on. Are we getting attacked? Women in charge of packet distribution. Did Iran start their fucking attack already? Ray, Ray, he said. Oh, woman alert.

This trial is, oh, this is the Afro-Man trial, I think. Oh, yeah. You really don't know. I noticed your voice is a few pox and small ones. Yeah. She got you fun They're playing the aframan song in court In court

She's crying She's fucking crying at this It's like the tamest like afromans songs, except for that pedophile one, but this one, lick them low, Lisa. What makes it so great is he's got the vote coder in there, too. It's like, you can't,

how are you going to come back with someone uses a vote cutter on you? She's fucking sobbing. Give me a break. Tears of barbecue sauce. Officer breaks down. I don't know if she was running exactly. Officer breaks down, uh,

knee meniscus. Man, that's great. Good for you, Afro, man. Okay. Oh wait, is there more? What a joke. Don't be picking on Afro, man. Yeah, don't fuck with Afro, man.

Yeah, don't fuck with Afro. man. Gentlemen sausage. Imagine Officer Farva from Super Troopers ordering

0.5, 6, 8 liters of beer. Also, he's been recast as a bald Armenian

with AIDS. Oh, yeah, Maddox was talking about the metric system. That

fucking picture Justin made with the liver spots? And then the black face one. Well,

that's, yeah. I see if I that's man. That shit. What the fuck his voice?

This Roy's thing. Enhance. He probably saw some fat bitch and then it's like his funny zoom in. Yeah. The picture's too big for me to even load. Oh, yeah. This guy's fucking drinking athletic fucking beers.

King of Hobo Town. Yeah. God damn it. He didn't send me the actual. I mean, I don't know what this is even supposed to be a picture. I love that the arms are white at least. Man. That is...

Oh my god, I made a Maddox AI video. Let me see if I could find it. Just to try it out. Let me see if I can get it to work. Fiddling around with it. Will this work? Movies theaters are dying. Yeah, here we go.

You know how Johnny Rocket does those Maddox AI? Oh, yeah. So I ran, I like figured out how to run it through a AI video. That's awesome. So I'm going to see if I can do, I'm going to see if I can do one of his. The thing about a movies theaters are dying. See, the thing about a movie theaters is that they aren't kick ass enough to compete with black kids on TikTok and Twitch. From the safety and comfort of your home, you can experience African Americans saying nonsense over movie clips.

Isn't that weird? That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. you got to make a you got to remake veto's whole youtube channel with Maddox redoing and see who gets more views same exact words and everything I'm gonna see if I can make it like build a build a thing so you can just spin it up and launch videos of him saying retarded shit

uh okay Chris Onion lick him low yeah Chris says in fairness the athletic brewing stuff is actually pretty good and tastes pretty close. That's what I love about beer. The taste. Right.

It's not for the sake of like, sometimes I just can't drink water in the morning without throwing up immediately, but if I have a beer. Why would it taste pretty good? Why would that, beer doesn't, it's not supposed to taste good. I don't drink it for the taste. It tastes like you're about to get drunk. You drink it because you want to drink 20 more. Or it's, you need the first one so you can finish the other 19.

Yeah. The taste of beer is, uh, liquor goes too fast. You'll get too out of control. Yeah. Too quickly. That's the taste of it. If there's no alcohol on, it doesn't taste any, like anything. Late rape.

Okay. Is this about Caesar Chavez? Yes, it is. God, that's, we lost, he was like our only guy. What other Mexican guy do we have? Well, it's funny that no one ever dinged him for all the fucking, you know, Mr. Deep. Deportation king over here, but...

Well, that's why they're doing this. Right. So now Mexicans, if we want to say, deport everybody, you're like, oh, yeah, well, you, did you rape a little girl, too? I guess. See, it says hotel workers boycott grapes. They're boycotting a grapest, dude. Late rape, K-Mace. All right.

What is this? K-Mase. Oh, yeah. I remember when we watched that Myron Gaines interview last week? Oh, yeah. I guess his girlfriend. I would have rather watched a Chris Gaines video, but, you know. Yeah.

Myron Gaines' ex-girlfriend, oh, they broke up, confirms that Lewis Thoreau's questions in the Netflix documentary made her question herself. Man, what are you doing putting your girlfriend on TV? You idiot? What are you doing bringing a stupid-ass dog on TV, too? Yeah. Putting your fucking life on TV.

I really think in a weird way I have to thank Louis Derox because somehow his question. kind of like made me question myself and the future of everything and that is something that I truly hadn't done before. Not like

question anything, you know. Like I did after that. Yeah, think about anything. Part of it is what he's doing. So there is that. Like what are the odds if a guy was living in your house in the ceiling?

What are the odds that you would take anti-psychotic medicine. Absolutely zero. Zero. That fool would have to take anti-psychotic medicine. I would be the fucking biggest torment known to man. It's just like, that story is just women. That's women. Yeah, and how did she get into an insane asylum where she's on

a zombieifying drugs? Well, a guy was in her house and she knew it. Oh. Why didn't she? I have a zero tolerance policy for that shit. When I lived in North Hollywood for the first time, my roommate and I both worked at the studio, but we had these fucking whales upstairs that every step they would take,

sounded like they were going to break through the fucking ceiling. We were sick of it. And one of them, the mom, had like fucking severe bronchitis or some sort of thing. She'd be hacking up a lung every morning. It was fucking like, come on, fucking. So we set it up when we leave for work, we had a microphone pointed at the ceiling. And four speakers around the house also pointed at the ceiling. So every step they would take would blast fucking low end up at them every day and it would sound...

Their own stepping? Yeah. So it would sound like... Like Jurassic Park? Yeah, just like sub-wifering the whole upstairs and they were like, oh shit. And so all day, that would happen. And we'd come home and you'd hear them trying to take ninja fucking tiny steps because it's like, yeah, you just got blown the fuck out all day long. That's what we hear.

We experience your fucking fat tub of shit ass fucking. fucking crashing through our shit you need some too like there's no way I would let some guy live in my fucking ceiling how crazy are you that that was the straw

that broke the camel's back like that's the one that pushed you over the edge how close to getting how close to being institutionalized are you already that a real thing is happening a real mystery is happening and you go to a psychiatrist

and you end up with the psychiatrist no I'm immediately fucking shit mistecting You know how many women there are like that who don't have a guy living in their ceiling that are a fucking cunt hair away from being on Psychiatric I guess I mean they're all they are all already Do there's so think the the the all yellow butterflies are like a Magical family member yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh yeah okay so you mean the people who think like a butterfly is a fucking dead relative One of them went into an insane asylum because some actual person was living in their house?

Shocker. Fucking shocker. Dick. Here's the solution. How about every time you hear a woman saying something fucking stupid, you go, that's fucking dumb. Everything that you said is fucking dumb. Go watch an episode of Mr. Wizard.

Have you ever seen that ever? Outside of a book? Outside of a book with a sexy man on the cover or some retarded movie that you didn't have to pay to watch. No. My question is, I mean, just look at how many House of Intuition located. They're like you know

How come they don't have to have something on door like a pack of cigarettes? Hey you stupid bitch none of this shit is real They're just rocks idiot Well dude again and this all leads back to the destruction of new metal right? Because when limp biscuit was the number one thing on the airwaves Lincoln Park all that shit you weren't like I don't give a fuck about crystals didn't exist yet right? No no they didn't she weren't mainstream now that shit's mainstream it now that shit's mainstream it now

Like before that because it was like Fuck you bitch that's dumb I'm gonna go ride my dirt by I can drink a bunch of rock stars to my fucking dome all day I'm gonna get fucked up on a jet ski and break something and light on fire Hell yeah I'm gonna play NFL Blitz What's a crystal? Yeah I'm gonna play Gran Trismo 2 on PlayStation like I don't give a fuck and they killed all that and the crystals just took over Oh man

We gotta do something about the psychiatrists industry The psychiatry industry has to be able to take this one bullshit and separate it from all the others all the rest is bullshit but it turns out actually one of them is possible shit yeah you know if you hold this lava rock it'll get rid of all your negative energy

but there might actually be a guy living in your fucking do you have any rocks for somebody living your house come again is there a spell for that is there a magical spell oh yeah like if you feel like a guy who's living your house no there's actually a guy living in my house like your husband funny good one

that makes me so fucking sick It's so, it made me so angry. I was like, yeah, well, because, well, because this is happening because you're crazy and you're telling each other your crazy shit is real. You've built this whole, this whole woman at parallel economy. That's the real parallel economy, house of intuition. You've built this whole parallel economy where fat is healthy, where stupid is, where stupid is honest, and where a guy living in your fucking house is magic.

The guy's actually living in, you're fat. You're stupid and there's actually a guy living in your house. That's where we're at right now. That's the fix. That's the fucking fix. Everybody that comes into the psychiatrist is obviously say, shut up, you fat, bitch. Everything you said is fucking stupid.

Go home. Go get a guy to live in your house with you. Who will stop that guy? I drove myself. I tore my entire fucking house apart because there was a broken capacitor in a tea kettle. So every once in a while, I would hear, and you could barely hear it. Only I could hear because my ears are fucked.

What to hear... Oh, that fucking awesome... Yeah. It was just one loud, like they have it 7-Eleven for kids, but it was way, way softer. And it would start driving me fucking insane. I was like, or that's it, that's it, that's it. I unplugged everything in the whole fucking goddamn house. And when I finally grabbed, you know, a...

Like kitchen wires and yanked them all out. And one of them was the tea kettle. it just went, doof. I was like, oh, in my brain. And I was like, it's one of you three.

Bump, no, bump, no, bump. I took the tea kettle. I went outside. I grabbed it by the fucking extension cord and said, if I smash this thing, it's going to cost me $13.

So I'm just going to keep it and know, and I'll be aware from now on that that sounds, I brought it back in, put it on the fucking counter, and now, every time I hear that sound, I think, my wife made tea,

I know exactly where the problem is. Boop. Okay, see? Nobody's living in my fucking house. That's my point. My only gripe with that is, I'm torn now because I don't like wasting money.

I'm not spending $13 on a new kettle. I've fucking despise ways. I lose sleep over wasting money, right? Uh-huh. I don't tip people because I don't like wasting money. You know? I'm going to go back to that restaurant and undertip. That's the one thing boomers do right is just not tip.

Yeah. And like, I'm like, oh, okay. Because it's their whole culture. Yeah. It's like that's seriously all they care about is tipping. God, those fucking assholes. Right. But fucking, dude, there's another part of me that's like the white man and you should have absolutely thrown a fucking, this is how you break stuff, dude.

No, I'm not a half a percent white though. That's what I'm saying. there's a certain percent, like there's a certain degree where you have to entertain that at least a little bit. Yeah, okay. If not go through with, severely entertain the thought of.

Because I've had those days too where it's like, you know, like the green goblin mask in the closet, I'm like, ooh, it would be so nice to just fucking take this and fucking run it over with the biggest vehicle I can get keys to. Or fucking just bat it

into the sun or, you know, Light it on fire. Every number of things. I've ever have to park my truck in front of the driver. I'm like, why don't I just ram through the garage door? That'd be awesome. Like the Kool-Aid man. Oh, dude.

You've never pushed your trash cans back with your truck before? No, I pushed someone else's. Oh, see, that's what I mean. That kind of shit is like, yeah, fuck your shit. I ran over somebody's trash cans down the hill. I'm like, oh, shit. You need a certain amount of destruction in your life to kind of, again, like the moon crashing into the earth. You have to get like a certain amount of like, oh, you know what it's.

did feel good to fuck that up. You know what I was saying, though, the Majors' mask thing, because when you have a kid, the moon is gone. You wake up and you're like, where's the moon? I don't fucking see the moon anywhere. That's what, this is what I was, I'm saying, when you have a kid, you're used to that mask in the sky, right? Right.

But then when the kid pops out, you're like, you wake up the next thing, you're like, what? There's no big mask in the sky. Yeah. What the hell? Where's the mask, right? Because it's so close you're clipping through. No, it's in the mask.

Maybe. Maybe. I got to back up. It's like, there's no mask. Huh. This is weird. Hmm. You got a lot of other built.

There's no mask. All right. And then a couple days ago, I woke up. I blinked. Just touching noses. And I was like, yeah, I was like, ha! Right there. It's like, okay, we got to go to dinner.

We got to go to dinner. We got to go to dinner. Let's go. Let's go. Fungling, a A cavern. It's like, no, no, that's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's It's four 30. Just like, oh shit.

I woke up, he has no, s'nose. There it is again. There's a hot breath in your face. Give me the fucking pizza, get out of here. Oh, my goodness. And then I woke up the next day, it was gone again. I'm like, fuck. I gotta be on the look at.

on the look at. That's shit. You just go from zero to a thousand percent moon? I must have missed it. I was like, what is that? I thought I saw way out, like a way far away like Pluto. I was like, is that a little speck? Huh? That's weird.

And then the next day was like, ah! Shit! That game is fucking horrible, man. This guy's going fast. Stupid fucking moon, son of a bitch. It's these doctors. They're gaslighting. No, it's these women.

They're all fucking crazy. That's the problem you've got to fix. They're fucking crazy because the one who had a guy living with her, she also thought 50 ghosts were living with her. And all of her friends thought, when she called them inside, I think there's a guy in my attic, every single one of her fucking sentence says,

whoa, me too, I think there's a fucking ghost. I think there's a ghost dog living in my fucking house. I think there's a ghost dad. I think Bill Cosby raped me as a ghost. It's your dad. I think your dad raped me. I think he's your dad as a ghost. Do you ever think we're the ghost and there's a person living in my house?

house. And they never say that part. Yeah. Some experts say that it's because women are retarded. But still, we should do something to, yeah. Some experts say that, but every common man knows that. Okay, welcome to the psychiatrist office. You got some kind of guy living with you? Let me look. There's a woman here saying a guy lives with her. She's not, we're going to bring in an expert. Dick, you got to come in here. Like, all right, so you think, how many How many ghosts do you think live at your house? Do you think all of like women's studies over the years is just like Kind of like that Africa study?

It's like, yeah, no, no, everything we've done just shows women are retarded. Like, no, no, try it again. Try it again. Run it again. Run the numbers again. There's, there's no way. There's no way. Three percent got over 100?

Fuck. That's fucking cool. Man, the best and the brightest, man. I just want to take I just want to give all the money that we give to Israel and give it to black people Is there anything wrong with that?

You know what? I just want to use the military to do it How do I vote for reparations? From Israel From Israel Yes It's a very specific path Is there something wrong with that?

But at that point There's no amount of checks you can't cash I don't even need the money Give them the tank Mm-hmm Take the tank Remember when they took the tank in San Diego? Oh yeah

From Pendleton? Yeah No, I think it was like Miramar. It was like... Oh, yeah, yeah. Somewhere close. I remember when they took the tank. Fucking...

They didn't shoot it. Nobody... They never shoot... I don't know why they never shoot the tank. You're already dead. Right. Shoot the fucking tank, man. It blows me away.

And it, I mean, it makes so much sense, too. Yeah. But, like, at construction sites and shit, they leave all the keys in the vehicles. Dude, I... This is a big regret of mine. I was at, I was at a bar. Okay.

I was with this girl. I was a friend of mine. And I was like, hey look they uh let me take a picture of me in the uh in the excavator they had an excavator out there a backhoe or something i don't know what it was reverse shovel those are cool i said check it out take a picture of me in there they left it in front of the bar she's like all right and i jump in there and uh keys right i said the key the fuck i said the hey the keys are in here should i turn it on and she's like yeah and i was like fuck i don't know because if i turn it on i go do something if i turn it on

gonna do something. Then you gotta use it there. Right? And the guy, and then I heard this guy go, yeah, fire it up. And I turn over and his guy in a fucking, it's, it's black, it's like 10 p.m. And it's this guy in a fucking construction had in a vest. He goes, fired up, it feels awesome. And I was like, you kind of ruined it.

Oh, what an asshole. Yeah, it feels the power between your left. I'm like, all right. No, dude, as a kid, I remember this computer game. It was like a Tonka, like digging game. And you could drive different vehicles and there was like a keyboard like it was like a whole set of controls that

strapped over your keyboard yeah you could use controls and it would just press keys for you but yeah so growing up with that right and then um when i had moved there was a whole brand new development site and like various new ones over the years and so dude one night riding bikes around with the homies it was like i bet you i could fucking push that shit around and dude we regraded a whole lot one time because I was like, oh my god, it's just like playing the fucking computer game. So I'm like, yeah, you fired up. It's a simulator. It was the same shit basically.

I mean, obviously there's a little more nuance, but it was like fucking, it felt like a dream, dude. And then fucking you would ride by in the morning and you'd see them having to regrade all the shit we did. Fucking dumbass kids, but dude. They don't lock, they don't lock the keys up at all. They just leave them in the fucking thing. It's the same with hummers and shit, too. Like military hummers? Because it's like...

Military hummers? You can't be on the battlefield fucking around. They're trying to find a set of keys. They don't have like a valet stand. Right. Yeah. You don't... It's not like a video game inventory.

It's like... Yeah. Oh, right. I got a thousand pairs of keys in my pocket. Cameron M. Justin is wider than I was imagining. Me too. Jarvis says,

Dancing Robot goes nuts. All right. Those donuts made him go nuts. dude. Somebody here? Okay, we got a dancing. Workers, staff struggle to restrain a dancing robot gone awry

at a Chinese restaurant. No one thought to put dancing machine by... At a people of color restaurant. Right. A bunch of... A robot went wild, dancing at a people of color restaurant. That's what I'm calling all Asian people from now on.

If that's what we're doing... POC? Yeah. These guy's going nuts. Let him go, let him dance. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah. Yeah. Hey.

My wife said my son follows in baby class. Somebody grabbed his straw and he just crawled after him and followed him around going, hey, hey, hey, and grabbing at it, and finally grabbed it back. Like, yeah, good. You know what? I don't buy this robot shit. I think it's a Filipino, one of the Jabalakis specifically on the other side of that. I think you're right

You know those Filipinos love the dance Whether it's in the Jollybee costume Or otherwise Okay Antoid says Maddox is talking about how The Chinese don't have phone books Because they can't alphabetize their language Did he say that?

Wrong They sort them by the shapes That make up the character And they're sorted by how many strokes are in Do you know that They're sorted by how many strokes are in them Hmm Okay

Yeah because how else with the more chins Than the Chinese phone book joke Yeah how would they sort it? Yeah number of strokes one two three four wow this motherfucker's fat he's got 50 strokes

is there anybody who's just like that's my name down down down down down down down down down down down do do do do do do do you've heard it's like uh sir this is just the Konami code you drew out

is there a there's got to be a Chinese symbol for the Konami code Chinese for whoever reads this is gay yeah what's that that's what I get that's what I want to tattoo of That's what I want my Chinese name to be. Me, the guy who's reading this is gay.

And everyone's just like walking past like, oh, fuck. Chinese people are like, oh! But you need to get it approved by every Chinese person. Right. To make sure it's not. Some shithead with some dialect somewhere is going to be like, actually, that means you're the biggest gay guy to have ever been gay. It actually means you, the guy with the tattoo are gay. Like, fuck, how do they mess that up?

Okay. There's always one. Betwatch. Today in fat news. I don't know who sent this in. Oh, come on. Inside like an animal. Nicole tells me that it's very humiliating that I have to hose.

It's gross sometimes. Nina endures torment from her weight constantly. She can't squeeze through the bathroom entrance, so she must bathe outside instead. Simple daily tasks she cannot handle independently. She depends entirely on her spouse. What led her to this state. Young Neas' early years held deep misfortune.

Her father gambled away. God damn. He regularly abused both mother and daughter. Finally, he landed in prison, following a home invasion. That event became Neas' lifelong nightmare. Her compulsive eating took root right then. Today, her weight approach... I think you can't blame all of that on...

Like, the dad going to prison for whatever... And all the abuse. They show her shoveling an entire plate of... of ribs and macaroni. Do you think maybe she was eating that and that was what led to the abuse? Hey, hey, you fat piece of shit. Like, maybe...

Every time he got KFC, rape her. Well, that's why she kept eating it so much afterward, yeah. Which is 700 pounds. Her mother could no longer bear that existence either. I'm just sick of it. I need help me damn kid. That bitch looks like an ocean sunfish. So she resolved to transform her life.

She journeyed to. Houston with her husband. They consulted a physician seeking help. After examination. A physician? That's world-renowned doctor now. Well, there's doctor now, but she's been eating too many doctor later's too. Yeah.

The doctor determined. Nina's problems were incredibly severe. Maintaining this life. Okay. I just wanted to see her washing her ass on a porch. God damn. They have it in their contract that they have to show them showering. Or else they won't pay for their surgery.

We need to see you getting hug. closed off like a fucking Persian rug. Daughter murdered by brickwork. Hmm. Oh, yeah. The brick queen. When my daughter was murdered after a couple years of depressed, murdered?

I found brickwork. Brickwork saved my life, a hundred pound plank. Yeah, she's been on my list. She's this fat bitch whose daughter died, so now she just works out with bricks all day. 60 pounds sit up. When my daughter was murdered, after a couple years of depression, I found brickwork.

Brickwork saved my life. Hashtag brick queen. So she does sit-ups with cinder blocks? Mm-hmm. Wow. Incredible. Oh, Jesus. Come on.

She's a brick queen, and then she's built like a brick shit house. Yeah, she is that. You're too fat. Just give up. That's a quote? Yeah. That's supposed to be. be like a motivational video like this is what people say to me all the time do they

i thought i was the only one that said that yeah you're too fat just give up unless you're talking about putting on like a tiny pair of pants they keep going yeah you're too fat give up wow she's hitting a viper bag still fat as shit just the fattest hits that's her eating hand she's She's exercising her buffet hand to grab. Yeah, she's practicing punching children out of the way. So she can get all the shrimp before everyone else. Isn't that crazy? You're so big, you don't have to do any pivoting.

You just kind of have to lean. And she could, her one inch punch would send you about 10 miles away. Her fucking kung fu. Grand panda, whatever that is. Dude, she's so. fat even her hair is blue raspberry yeah looks like it I never want to see that top on anybody else

puk city all right the fucking man I like these inspirational quotes brick queen four squats that's her workout four squats 20 pulses six squats

interesting I wonder who I wonder what that workout is based on. But before she runs out of breath. P.S. It's my husband's birthday. Don't judge. I'm allowed to have a little fun when

you love squat and you get a little too much to drink. Squat challenge. Laughing, crying face. A hundred pounds weight loss. Look at the she lives in a... This is after a hundred, twenty pounds of weight loss? This is a

mobile home that she lives in. It's like an M.C. Escher painting of white trash. Look at these bears over here. I don't know what this is. Yeah, man. Bethen says home, like having some hallmark shit in your trailer. She's got every type of laminate siding there is.

Like a homes decor of showroom. All in the family room. This casino slats. That's a house of Jeff Foxworthy. jokes, not Chuck Norris jokes. Now that was good comedy. Jeff Foxworthy made being a redneck

relatable, man. Yeah. He appealed to a common man without speaking down to him. Chuck Norris is like, we're better than you. Bullshit comedy. Chuck Norris, yeah, is like, ha ha, we're making an obscure reference. Don't you get our

club? Jeff Foxworthy's like, I use bread as a napkin. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's cool that's cool that's funny I've been there and then these internet losers came along saying Chuck Norris like yeah and they're like asses of redneck sucks and I'm like actually again Jeff Foxworthy was preserving white culture man I appreciate that Chuck Norris doesn't shit he eats up shit he shits out of his mouth and then re-eats that and keeps shitting out of his mouth

just to eat it again oh cool Chuck Norris doesn't get drunk He's never drank at all. Okay, okay. Yeah. Cool. Cool joke. It's just like, it's like... Fucking stupid.

That like... Like a math test. Yeah. Every Chuck Norris joke. Look at how clever I am. Wow, cool. Like, actually, I fucking hate you and I hope you die. Fucking clever.

Like, when people were like, why are cows so great? I don't know. It's like, well, because they're outstanding in their fields. And it's like, you kill yourself. Why don't you kill yourself? Oh, funny you fucking shoot yourself in the head, you piece of shit. Yeah, I hope you get trash compacted in front of your whole family. Fuck you.

I hope a piano falls on you. Are you getting raped? By Billy Joel while he sings piano, man. What is this shit? She's doing squats for her husband? It's four squats before her knees give out. Dude, I mean, those aren't even squats. Those are like, those are like,

scratching my knees. Like, she's not, she's supposed to stand up with a squat. She's like hunched over like Quasimodo. It's like watching a tranquilized bear

trying to work out. Fucking. She's missing her ball to fucking try and balance on. Like a Russian bear with no ball still trying to balance on something.

And too small of a tutu as well. Disgusting. These fat bitches always need a gimmick, man They can't just be fat They can't just be fat dude They gotta have like well I'm not just fat I watch me with Cinderbox

When my daughter was murdered Don't put pictures of your fucking daughter of Get the fuck out of here This is horrible Jesus Man how was the daughter murdered Does someone sit on her? Well that's she sat on her

I accidentally deep fried her I thought it was the cat The velvita brick queen She drowned on Velvita. Oh, she's got a gun. She's got a fucking bifurcated gun, bro. I've only seen one of these before. Oh, no.

She got a fucking bivocated gun. No. Man. Oh. I bet you she has cloven hooves, if you want to know the truth about it. Ooh, man. Ralski married, I think. Good for him.

To that girl, Scarlett. Good for him. You know, everyone. It's a lid for every pot, man. I never heard that one before. I hate when someone said that to me I was like, I fucking hate that so much. Good for him.

Congrats with the happy. Yeah, they got to put up a registry. Yeah. Yeah. Day 130. Your daughter was murdered 130 days ago. She's already like posting. about it. Already playing with Cinderblocks.

God damn. Look at that one. Holy shit. The transformation is amazing. No, the transformation is not amazing. Who's the villain from the robots movie? Which robots movie? The movie? The movie robots? Yeah, the animated one. Yeah, the fat one.

The big one was just like a bottom wheel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. Mr. Copperbottom. That's Mrs. Copperbottom right there. God, damn. The transformation is amazing. A hundred and fifteen pound weight loss. Jesus Christ.

Look at how many buttons her pants have. Dude, her pants have three flies. What? I think I've talked about it before, but I used to work with this motherfucker who was so fat that he would get all his clothes at the, the earthquake store on Vine.

What? Like Vine in Santa Monica. He'd buy like the 3XL Dickie's pants and shirts. Yeah. But then he was getting so fat that he blew the bottom butt. button off the shirt. And I didn't notice until he blew the second button off.

And then you would see a white fucking triangle where his fucking shirt was like, come on, dude. Get some new fucking shirts. Good 4X, bro. Yeah, I can go up a side. Come on. Pros and cons of gastric bypass surgery. Oh, so she's cheating. She's not even

she's not even really working. She's not even really working. Do it. The con is that you might live. Talk about what's happening to my body six months post off gastric bypass. pass. Oh, you're right. I've lost a shit ton of weight. I mean, it is from the surgery. It was a tool.

See? I just have to work out and eat healthy, but people don't tell you that you become malnourished. And I'm not talking about murderous. Like, I'm starving. No. I mean, technically, my body is starving for nutrients.

He's fucking pounding one off in the background. He's fucking pounding one off. Come on, man. Let's talk about what's happening to my body. It's a fat Gestapo fucking pounding her door down. Open up. You have fat people in the attic?

Excuse me, is your gut bifurcated? Oh, my God, it is. Yeah. Okay. What a nightmare. His favorite parts. Let's see what that is. Oh, I know.

Exactly what this is, I think. Yes, damn it! I brought this one in, too. This one's so fucking good. I can never... I can never ask for a pick or video, because all he records is his favorite parts. Watch the dude.

Laughing face. And it's a really grotesquely fat woman. This is your average Los Angeles Torta. Yeah. As they call them. Totally pronounced, of course, because again, this is L.A. She has the shape of like a... Star Wars droid.

I was thinking more like Patrick Star. Yeah, a giant fat ball of hips and a big fat gut. And then like a torso of a fat woman with cabbage patch arms kind of stuck on the top. This is like your average hot Cheeto girl in school. Yeah. It was just like fucking you're on campus 7 a.m. Yeah And here's a fucking bitch

With like 5 inch long nails Eating Hot Cheetos With hair pulled up so tight That it's like drawn on Well it's in a top button Because it reminds her of food Yeah

It's named after a food Yeah Oops Stop doing just a foo Babe Oh my god Well so I checked her account too And she's like

He doesn't love all Fupas He just loves my foofa and I'm like Oh and you're coping about it afterward too You fat fuck Beva Yeah you can't already Don't believe Her legs don't even touch her arms don't even touch the

Her hands don't touch the bench that she's on Yeah she's like stuck there She's stuck she can't put her arms Like I can touch the chair that I'm sitting on Yeah she can't She's to kick her legs to get down And she's got this little saucy Like what is

this supposed to convey sweet and sour saucy fucking bones salt sourpatch kids she looks like one of those gummy bears you leave in water overnight her fucking hand is propped up on her gut not her gunts quiet yeah she's got a gut and then a gut she's got two hemispheres have like a globe of sadness separate topic but have we talked about how when you're coming down from like a night of drinking or whatever uh-huh it's not that your stomach hurts is but your guts hurt my guts hurt like every like it's not just your stomach right like you don't feel sick like everything in that cavity like your guts hurt like i don't know how to describe it other than that yeah yeah yeah that's true it's a crazy right it feels like they're rotic yeah got rot my fucking

gut's hurt dude yeah i try to stop before i get that when i get that i went too far right Like, fuck, I got to change my life. Mm-hmm. Then your heart starts hurting. Wait for that. Who wasn't? Yeah. That's when it's like, uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Okay. I think that's it. Hey, thanks, everybody. Thank you, everybody. See you next Tuesday.

My fucking guts hurt. The gut rot, man. Trump's got what? 24 hours before he said he's going to nuke. I guess so, right? I ran. Good luck with that, idiot. Ready.

They're not going to open that shit up. Why would they? Man, they've been working for this. It's like Rocky 4. You know? They're going to be a cold. 40 years. Building guns.

No chance. They're like, you know what? We have all the code pieces. We're finally going to decrypt it. Let's launch that new. He killed all the old guys. We've done. I'm excited for it.

Well, I have never used up the entire time. before. If for whatever reason you played the entire last voice, and you're playing this one, then fucking thanks, I guess. But yeah, no, I have a whole lot of unresolved anger issues because I could just, I never had the space to be angry. My, my thoughts

and my feelings weren't valid, it didn't matter. She had, her anger took precedence. Whoa. Her anger? What is going on? Oh, mom? I have a lot of internalized resentment.

Damn it. Oh, fuck. I just I can't. Oh, he's freaking out. White man. I have advice for you. Nickelback, man. You got to listen to Nick.

Not a Nickleback. Actually, yes, Nickelback. Creed. To the listeners, if you want to get your voicemail aired on the show, just fucking call Saturday night after midnight. I mean,

the later. You can call any time. He just comes in Sunday morning and pulls the last, like the most recent fuck-tap. He's trying to fuck me over. Trying to drop live hacks. Smooch's for Sean. You want to hear the first half of this guy?

Well, you know, I was gonna fucking offer you advice, but you only offered smooches to Sean, a man who left for cigarettes and never came back. Instead, you get no life advice. Fuck you. Three minutes long. That's a lot of fucking yapping.

Here we go. Hey, Dick, hey, Johnny. I fucking hate my mom. I have a lot of hatred. Oh, you were right. It was his mom. And I just need to fucking get it out somehow because I could just, I could never say this to her.

I'm sure I could, but I just fucking can't. But I turned fucking sturdy a couple months ago. And like, I'm just now, like for the first time, really thinking about my life and who I am as a person and what I like and why I am the way that I am. And it all comes back to her, like all of it. I'm fucked up. I am woefully unprepared to handle adulthood. Woefully.

That's a word your mom would use. Because of the way I was raised. I can't... Your mom would make excuses like that too. I don't know what fucking love is supposed to feel like. Wait, Dick hit pause on it. Actually, don't hit pause on this.

It's too long. Compassion? What? All she values is like strength. She thinks that weakness is just a moral failure. You just have to try hard enough. And... What the fuck does she know about that? You're going to listen to your mom?

Oh, shit. That extends to everyone, including her own children. If we ever had a bad day, sometimes you get lucky, and she would just explain, okay, here's what you're going to do. But if you've had the fucking nerve to still be... You've got to take a pause while you're talking! I don't know what the fuck your problem is.

I've already told you everything, you know, that... God damn it. What was I going with this? I just... I'm... I'm so woefully I'm prepared to handle adulthood. He said it again, dude. You're third year past...

You're middle age. You're so cooked, dog. Past adulthood. Bro. You're already balding. Like, childhood trauma. Like, what?

Childhood trauma. Like, come on. Would you get raped? Feel things. I don't know what I'm feeling. I was never taught how to fucking. Anxiety. No, you know what it is?

I didn't even fucking realize I was depressed. Like, I'm fucking depressed. Yeah, you're just broke. That's what it is. God damn. I swear I had somewhere. I had something. fucking potent and valuable to say.

No. You don't. Oh, yeah. She's just, she has been going to therapy. And. Your mom? Because I know she does love us.

And she's just very flawed. But like historically, I've given her a lot of grace, a lot of leeway. You know, I've always said like, well, you know, she didn't have a good role.

My mom didn't. Oh, my. She didn't have a phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You came your mom. You're so fucked up from what I. The person you hate so much, you are exactly being to us right now. She's very emotionally immature.

When she freaks out, she has a big dramatic display and will, like, fucking hit herself on the head and shit. Oh, that's tight. Yeah, you got to help her out. Fucking crank her one. My feelings aren't valid. They're not. They're not.

Sorry. What do you mean your feelings are not valid? They're a victim. Here's the thing, white man. You need a fresh dose of limp biscuits, chocolate starfish, and hot dogs. flavored water and perhaps their greatest hits get some creed get some nickel back CDs none of this stream bullshit

go spend money on a fucking CD it's your destiny talking too much go fucking to the gym go lift some weights with a fucking disc man you know fucking go right at dirt bike somewhere go watch jackass and get inspired and jump off your roof and hurt yourself to go back to the 90s

bro you got to just fucking you gotta go back you're talking about all this external or this internal anger right that you don't know what to do. You need some external anger. It's called break stuff. Go break all your mom's stuff. Break all of her shit.

Just break it. Dude, break your own shit. Break somebody. Say, validate this bitch. Throw on every place across the show. Doesn't matter. Part of being a white guy is fucking taking the thing you're frustrated with and showing it that you're better by snapping it in half.

That's just part of it. Sometimes when the lawnmower doesn't work, you lift that shit up straight out of the air. Buy the fucking handle, that little shitty handle, you just lift the whole fucking thing up and slam it back down on the ground to unclog it and go about your day. You don't fucking sit there and talk about it. You fucking do something about it, dude. You need to lift weights to wear a red hat backwards. You need spy sunglasses.

I had spies. Dude, get some fucking pook shells if you have to. Get some fucking. Get a tribal band tattoo. Dude, yeah. Just do something. but you're holding on to too much. You need to let the fuck go.

You're holding on to a lot. My mom's in therapy. You're talking about your mom too much. You need to drink a whole can of rock star to your dome and crush it against your fucking head to impress your friends. Do it badly and get a cut and bleed everywhere, but still impress your friends. I know she loves us. Did I hear that?

Yeah. You're, dude. Us, who's that? You think about your mom too much. You need to be drinking. You need to be being on jerse skis. Get a quad. get a fucking rent a

Banshee for a day, dude, and you'll be in heaven. You'll forget all about your mom. Go to Pissmo Beach, get a big ass cinnamon roll. You'll forget all about your mom. Go fucking quad. Dude, do something, do some classic white people shit. Watch the sick air VHS tape, much like I still have at home.

Yeah, that's cool. Get inspired by metal militia. Think about what guys like Travis Pistrana and Tony Hawk were doing fucking... They weren't talking about their moms. They weren't talking about their moms, dude, they were busy seeing how many spins they could do. Getting spun out is tight. That's a white people thing.

I know she loves us. If your mom... Tell you what, dude. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe no women do. If you love... If you loved your mom... Because you say your mom value strength, right?

If you loved your mom, you would say, that all... That shit's gay. And fucking crush a beer can against her head and fucking do like a 40... What does she know? Value strength. What does she even know what that means? Lift your truck, man. And if you don't have a truck,

go buy one and then lift it. Get a Jeep and go off-roading. None of this pussy shit, dude. What do you think? What do you think about feelings, your own feelings even? There's no feelings when you have beer and the great outdoors, dude.

All your feeling is, I bet I could drive to the top of that mountain next. What the fuck is this? Ah, man. This generation's gone soft on us, dick. He's 30. I'm 36 and I'm like You're the same generation

But that's There's this very narrow Guy where like You know like Yeah You still got your ass kick He needs shoulder pads He needs some shoulder pads

And a hat with hair on it You know what that's right Yeah you know what You couldn't go on the Rubicon Get the fuck out of here You're not no Rubicon built Son of a bitch Get your fucking Timo shoulder pads

Get your Timmu ass wig Like this move them around Go with Hogg about your feelings. Don't ever turn a wrench in your life. Don't ever fucking don't ever innovate anywhere, you know? She values strength. Play her game,

not your own game. What the hell are you talking about? That's fucking crazy, dude. Go listen to some Libbiscuit and fucking email back by how much better your life got. I don't even know where to I don't even know where to start with these mom mom problem guys. It's fucking who was that pussy-ass granola

teacher from De Beavis and Butthead? Van Dresen. Yeah, he's like that. He wants to hear about your feelings. He wants to fucking talk it out. And it's like, no, dude, there's no talking it out. It's called fucking take all your empty beer cans even drinking all day and shoot them with a fucking 22 if you have to. You need like an eject. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. That's too much. Just fucking play the most distorted guitar you can right in her fucking face, dude. None of this internalizing shit. Yeah, you need to like go goth. You need to let go email. That's too much too.

You got to go white. We're preserving white culture here. Backwards hat. You start yelling at your mom. That's what white culture is all about. Be like, fuck you, mom. You can't tell me what to do. Yeah, okay.

Girl fucking spine, man. Fucking. Fuck you, mom. They say which way, Western man, and you go wigger max. Yeah, you got a wigger max. You need to listen to new metal and go, you know what? These protest songs are actually written for me. These are my protest.

songs and you need to listen to what Fred Durst, a great Western philosopher is saying about how to fix your life. Yeah, try that. How to unfuck your life, dude. Yeah, those guys know. Yeah. You got to listen to those guys. Jump off a building, dude. Don't ever talk about therapy again. Yeah. Yeah. Do what Jackass did.

Let us know how that works. Punch in the face with a giant boxing glove. Yeah. What does other shit. Hey, Dick. I'm 27. I've been a big fan since like 2013, 14. Whoa. Biggest problem era when I was like myself, 13 or 14, and the single best advice I have received in my entire life that you don't repeat anymore, but everybody needs to hear is just walk up the women in a bar and compliment their shoes.

Yeah. She told me that when I was literally 13 and I just famed it since and it fucking worked. Yeah, it's great. Getting married soon. And everybody should just fucking spam. Well, those are really nice shoes. They can't help themselves. Love you, that.

Go fuck yourself, Johnny. Once you realize, once you accept that they're that simple, you will start hearing how women talk to each other. And it is that. It's the only way they approach each other. It's the only thing they say to each other. It's the only thing I'm thinking about it. I really like your shoes.

They say it to each other all the fucking time. So just do it. They're conditioned. They're conditioned to talk about it. It will always work. There's never a time where it won't work. Just do it. Don't do your own version of it.

Just do it. Hey, I really like your shoes. Tell me about your shoes. Look at that. See your shoes. Well, look at those shoes. You got some shoes on. I like them.

Tell me about them. I told a Starlit one time in the middle of a session, not knowing what the fucking, not knowing what to say as I'm right in front of this person's face trying to adjust the mic and, oh, nice shoes. She's like, oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. They kept talking about it while, and, you know,

bottom enough time to do what I needed to do. They never stopped talking about them. Right. Hey, Dick, hey Johnny. Speaking of Love is Blind, they have a new show on Netflix where, I don't know the name of it, but it's like age doesn't matter. So it puts a bunch of, like, you know,

people of all different ages, and they don't know each other's ages, and then they get together. And it's exactly as you would expect, right? All the older people, older men and women, are going after the younger, you know, men and women, right? So you see like some 50-year-old woman with some 20-year-old guy and vice versa. And, you know, the show really is interesting because... It's like, if I called you unk, would you be offended?

For what? The past 100,000 years, women have been doing that, right, getting with older dudes for status and money. But I really think it's a testament to, like, porn brain that, like, Like these younger guys look at older women and just go, oh, yeah, that's a milfer, that's a cougar. And it's like, brother, I don't think you understand that the only reason why she doesn't look like a fucking pile of melted ice cream is because she has so much collagen injected in her that it could probably kill a couple of horses. But the show is just like fucking gross. Like, ugh, I feel bad for these young men that are like, I don't know, people are saying it's socially acceptable to hook up with fucking dinosaur women. And it's arguably worse than love is blind.

But the girlfriend's watching it, so I will report back with anything egregious. Go fuck yourselves. I mean, it sounds hilarious, but like you really don't have any concept of life after what age you are. But at some point, you look down, you're like, Jesus, this is my skin now? This fucking sucks. This is what everybody who's 45 skin is like. This fucking sucks. And this is going to get even worse.

You don't think about that when you're 20. You just think, like, oh, they've, like, more learned. But it's really, like, the feel, like, your fucking skin feels like fucking leather and paper. Fucking sucks. Dude, all I can think these days is, man, I'm going to get rid of my phone and just get a beeper again. Yeah. Well, I'm like, oh, wow, my dad had a spot like that. Well, I guess I got my dad's skin now.

Great. Oh, man, Oxman had a big spot like that. Dick, God forbid, Dick and Johnny. Oh, thank you. God forbid on your travels, you should meet an Army man, an ex-Army man, They call them a veteran. They can't wait to pin you down with the fucking story about their QMS 4533. Oh, you don't know what a QMS 4533 is?

That's when blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like grab ass for five years. Uh-huh. Shut up. Hell yeah. Great call. Hey, Dick. Johnny.

I know you don't do voice rules on. problem anymore. I don't know if you're going to go back to that. Anyway, I have issue with Vito defending Ellen DeGeneres. Like, I really don't think I need to say anymore. Like, look at all the reports. She's trying to, like, blame it on her staff and shit like that. She's reportedly just an absolute monster and a piece of shit. So, fuck that cunt. And I guess, Vito is not only estimating when to do it on a left turn. lazy can't fucking finish a comic but

he's also defending fucking creeps and potential fucking cannibals I don't think Ellen's a cannibal You got another signal What a guy Dick you know what was cracking me up the most About you playing

Maddox's Hard game podcast Is if you and imagine him talking in a Tucker Carlson accent. They have almost the exact same inflection. Oh, really? Way of speaking. The part that made me think of that is when he's talking about Doctor Who,

he's like, maybe the person talking about Doctor Who, in fact, lives in a country where it's never been syndicated. Oh, God, you're right. Damn. Let's see Soul Ringers, YouTube. Let's see. let's listen to one for fun oh that's what's fun these days

holy shit he's got more whoa dude I think this one has staying power wait this has two days ago dude yeah whoa wizard I feel like they're not even trying to geez look at the gorby staying dude well I can tell you this is what I think about the practice darker I don't engage with it

look at that hey welcome back to soul ringers this is welcome back to two Pringles guys duke it out. With the head? Fucking just two round, bald-ass fucking heads, man.

There's a video about the Commander bracket system. Is it good? Is it worth anything? Is it a complete waste of time? A lot of people have a lot of opinions about this. Look at that.

Did they just fuck? They're about to. We are no different. Yeah, so we should explain what it is. Commander has a variety of cards, obviously, that you can buy, and some are very powerful, and some are not quite as powerful, and the bracket system was designed to kind of let players know how powerful is the deck you're about to play against,

and is yours up to muster, or is somebody just going to wipe the table with all of you because they're in a more powerful bracket. Pub stomping is what it's called. Now, we should talk about what existed before the bracket system. It's like tub thumping by Chumbo-wamba is what it's called. Players generally used a rating system, one out of ten,

where one was the weakest possible. Is this like, is he pretending that he's not reading this? Like, what is this voice that he's doing? Louis should talk about, and he's like rolling his eyes and carrying on about it. It's, ah, man.

He used a rating system, one out of ten, where one was the weakest possible deck that would be like, you're just fucking around. He had to cut it, because he can't read, remember his lines.

So he's pretending. not to read it and whipping his head around like for comedic effect. It was the weakest possible to be like, you're just fucking around. You're opening up a cards. You might just throw, there's no synergy between them. You might not even win at all. There might not be a win condition for you. Or it might be very difficult.

Whereas a 10 would be extremely competitive. That would be like a CEDH with a sensitive elder dragon Highlander. Did you see Maddox in low power mode is crazy? he's got no zest or zeal for life anymore that's just a guy who's just showing up just to show up dude he's staring at this he's staring at his buddy like he's paying his rent like he's just totally in love with him

dude he stares Maddox stares at that guy Chad Colchin the entire show yeah it's uncomfortable that's why they sit next to each other they're holding hands I bet one of them's trying to hold hands the other guy's talking normally and like away or at the camera. He's used to holding hands.

The other guy is not used to. Dude, he's like everything he says. He's like, uh, looking for validation and showing off his liver spot. That shit is, it's darker, right?

Is it not darker? It's darker and his, well, his beard hair is a different color too. He just died his whole fucking down. Or they fucked with the color, the color correction, I think.

So it brought his liver spot out. He needs to be. used to put some makeup on that shit, man. See, I'm telling you. A very, very, like, you know, your, and the perfect exact size party hat to go around it. You could probably get one at DISO for like two bucks. Very thirsty to win on those one. Right.

Most people aimed around that time for a deck level, a power level of around seven. Why is he giving this presentation? In such a boring way. There's decks and they're rated like for power, like zero to 10. If you got a 10 deck, you're really, it's a powerful deck. And the way he's describing it too is like he's talking about foreign policy It's like okay

Today on the docket we have and it's like Okay here's different tiers of decks Are you fucking strong or are you weak? If you're playing weak Here's other things you get like If you're doing like a funny deck Here you go playing this guy like Dude powered down

You're right He's weird he's in low power mode dude It's like he fucking The maintenance mode He waits for the edible to kick it and then starts like, he's like,

yeah, and then like, there's like this commander deck and like, fucking, there's like different guys in it. There's like, they have a crossover with fucking.

Oh, Dr. Who? It just wouldn't, like, I was thinking more like Dr. one or Dr.

Y, but there I was. You know? It's pretty interesting. Yeah. Like a 10. You know what I think is, uh,

interesting. Two on a Wednesday. You don't really caught me. Maddox the supreme overlord of all things cool What'd you think about that, honey? Yeah, it's like He's gripping his knee the whole time Come on, man

Go on, man Seven and felt like, okay, we're in it We're in it to win it But we're also not so thirsty I've never heard anyone more defeated By the phrase, in it to win it. Yeah, and you know, we're in it to win it. It's like what I talk to the budgeting

department about like hey we need there's a lot of commas on this next order like see the way see the way chad looks at him do you see this look that's a normal look yeah to get for a man to give another man who's talking he's not sure if he should be in defense or offense mode listening paying attention mm-hmm because do i strike you for this or do i back up further okay hmm i'm taking it in normal normal Yeah, Maddox is taking it in in the gay way. Look at the lines. Look at the vertical lines.

He's slightly back. That's the correct way to be with another man. Right. Because the turning the head is going to put your mouth closer to his mouth, so you want to back up a little bit too. You don't want to go like you're going to kiss him. You've got to go, mm. Well, if this is a street fighter rules,

it looks like he's pressing right on the controller. So if Maddox were to hit him, he'd parry it anyway. So that's a good strat. Now we're going to look at the way Maddox looks at him. Or some turn that's really early game. And if you did, it was kind of frowned upon. And it was considered a bad etiquette to win that early. Sure.

Now, see how happy he is, seeing his boyfriend smile? Maddox is looking at Chad's reaction to what he said. Chad's giving a sort of approval, sort of a smile of approval, mostly he's smiling at his own internal thoughts around it, you can tell. And he's looking out like he's going to start talking. He's still leaning away. Maddox is the happiest I've seen him ever, maybe, that he's made this alpha male feel good.

Look at him. Bright smile, eyes closed, leaning in, his face leaning in. He's stoked. Maddox is trying to, he's turned. turning his head so that he like gets him puts himself between the audience and his man right like like that like a dog will do that when it's being possessive like it'll come over and get between they're gonna have to change this name to o ringers afterwards god damn the only homosexual the hum the gayest magic podcast look if you thought magic was already gay think again thinking fucking gen and and so now it's like this system, this bracket system exists, which basically breaks down in these tiers, how quickly can your deck win?

And that is essentially what the brackets are based on. Well, it should be. Look, Maddox is doing like a character of a gay guy. Well, it should be. And Chad is like, all right, man, like we're not on the same page here. Like, I'm doing a magic show

and you're pretending to be gay. You're pretending to be a magician, yeah. Two different... We're doing two different shows here. Your arms are squeezing in in a gay way. Look at his fucking smile that he gets to talk to this guy. Why is he wearing a tiny shirt, too? Because he's...

Gay, I don't know. Maybe he wants to look like a little girl or something. He's a tiny shirt. He's only got this one shirt. That's his YouTube shirt. This here's my YouTube shirt. This here's my YouTube in shirt, yeah. Why is he so fucking happy?

Look at this. Maybe we should have watched this on the bonus episode. I guess we're going to have to do an emergency bonus episode. Fuck. I mean, look at this, man. It doesn't zoom in. God damn it. How do I get the Patrick Melton zoom in shit that he does?

That smile is like when you're laughing at like a dumb bitch's jokes because you're trying to get laid that's like the like wow you mean to tell me you think there's a guy living in your life like that's so crazy you're like fucking

fucking exactly wow you mean to tell me your cat's name is me so I never would have that's fucking hilarious oh I will say that it should be

That's what it should be based on. Yeah. And the reason the bracket system came about was because the old commander committee had come together and decided that certain cards should be banned because they're making the game. You mean the old commander committee, not the new commander committee?

No, the new commander committee's different. The NCC's way better. Too much. And people lost their fucking minds. People got death threats. They were like getting death threats. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, it was horrible.

Because, like, you know, people take their... In the stocker angle. or video about Universes Beyond your like being stocked You know Yeah internet stocking is a big problem

It's a huge problem Having to a friend of mine Someone who isn't me I was internet How many views does this have 500 Hell yeah guys You're fucking nailing it

Dude that's 500 more You got it You gotta go comment on the soul ringers You gotta leave a Comment and support of the soul ringers No jokes Just like it's great This is a great show.

It is great, dude. And again, unlike Corn Boys, there's new episodes, dude. This is from two days ago. Throw Spider-Man cards and Lorone Eclipse. People are getting death threats because they miss bracket and the fucking commander brats. Yeah. It became really nasty. So Wizards came in and said, you know what?

We're going to take this over. We're going to create our own system. Yeah. That will be universal and standardized. And they created the brackets. And the brackets, essentially, they boil down a list of cards. that they thought too powerful, which was like 30 or so cards,

which I agree with most of them that they should be on the like powerful, you know, warning list. And they said that if your deck had a certain number of these, then it would bump you into another bracket, which I think is infinitely stupid. I am wholeheartedly, I disagree with that characterization because there are decks I've seen

with many of these, quote, game changers in them, and they're just shit-ass decks. They're just like, you know, yeah, the game changers are powerful cards. you may or may not draw into them. What is a much better determination of how powerful your deck is is how quickly is it winning.

Someone on Reddit a while back posted this thing that's like... Man, you know, Dick, I gotta tell you, man, I love watching videos to fall asleep to of like people fucking splitting hairs over the dumbest shit in the world. Yeah.

Debut, you know, decompiling games and all this shit. Oh, 30 things. you've never heard, but for real this time, you know, that kind of shit. This man would keep me up. I'd be like, man, I got to change the fucking channel. What the fuck is this?

Like, who gives a fuck? You know, it would be a good judge. How fast is your deck winning? Am I right or am I right? But again, this is a great show. I do like this. Like big kind of infographic that basically broke down how quickly your decks win. You mean it's got infographics on the show?

Based on that. That makes sense. I don't know why Wizards is so resistant. to that very simple definition. What is the sole ringer's logo made out of to say on fire without reducing in size at all? Seamen.

Shouldn't they be watching people play magic if they're going to be talking about magic? Or should they like if they were playing a game of magic and talking about this? And talking about magic. Yeah. Or in like showing why the bracket system is dumb. Just play a game of magic while you're talking about this shit, man. Give me something.

You're just two two guys sitting in front of a fake ass AI video of a marquee because it's like someone who's like well this microphone is amazing

it sounds so great but they're talking into a different microphone the whole fucking time I like when they switch back and forth they didn't even do that and a lot of them

yeah they don't here's a retrospective of what this piece is it's like well can we why didn't you just record you idiots playing magic they couldn't even go fish

that should be the final like go go go fish for cocks and each other's pants that's what they do off camera they do hole ringers off camera

pole ringers ringers ringers poll smokers poll smokers uh poll

welcome back to poll smokers today we have a bracket of cock sucking Is the cuping the false technique goaded or trash Classics or trash, yeah They ranked blow jobs But what I

How they should rank it is how fast is it making you come What bracket is that in? What bracket is that? A CDH bracket A CDH dick Poll Spokers Poll smokers Man

Why don't they cut this down to just the hits And just have like the Soulringer's theme And then a little A Minute Long talking And then a Soulringer's theme And like five minutes of talking This is just garterer's theme and like five minutes of talking this is just garbage

bunch of they should be chomping down on cigars the whole time too talking about all this pole smoking they should be dressed up like fucking

Lord of the Rings like fucking sloves fuck Maddox is getting into it look at his eyes my dog gets those eyes and she's wound up yeah

when she's been pulled thing of chips out an old deciding factor on how powerful your deck is well I can tell you this is what I think about the BRAX system I don't engage with it

why is he so happy man he's stoked he's just fucking stoked that he laid that down that laid that opinion down he's like dude wait till you see what if you like that

you're gonna love what I got next episode of poll smokers he's like I'm gonna smoke this shit and fucking poll smoker

instead of flames it's just smoked the whole time Jizz. Yeah. Fucking Jizz bubbling up, bubbling down. Pull. Smokers.

It'd be funny if Chad was sitting on Maddox's shoulders a whole time. They're sitting in each other's laps hanging over. What did you think about that, honey? Their hands wrapped around each other's fucking shoulders. I'm getting massages. We were talking. about this before me recorded. I'm like, Chad, I don't, okay, how,

how? I've looked at it a few times. And certainly I know there are words in each of the brackets that mean things to people who read them. I'm not one of those people. What I like to do with my commander decks is I take something that I find funny or interesting or a combo that I think would be funny or interesting, and I build

decks around that. And I have a, in my head, my bracket system is basically like how much money did I spend on a deck? I'm somewhere in the probably like two to 400 dollar range, I would say, on average, maybe. What's wrong with this fire marshal Bill's fucking mouth? What's going

on there? He's got the Picasso thing going on, right? He's like has he had a stroke for real? Maybe. Because that's not normal. He's talking like a James and the Giant piece character. I'd like to play magic and have a stroke and I'm all on strokes.

I'm here to play magic and have a stroke. And I'm all out of Commander decks. I'm here to play Commander and have a stroke. I'm all out of commandor decks The stroke made him bald too Did Trump give him a stroke? Did this content give him a stroke? Was he talking like this in the first episode?

Oh dude I don't get too disabled looking fucking bald Motherfuckers talking about magic To fucking Play magic Yeah play some magic Okay so this guy spends 200 bucks They're just larping about it right now

It's larping dude in the probably like two to four hundred dollar range i would say on average maybe got a couple of talks like a fucking lesbian that's how lesbian's talk about the side of the mouth like that that just means she likes what i like a sure yeah well i'm actually yeah see wow octa pussy who took my cigars fucking smoking meat cigars over here god damn just chuching them down to the 500 and that's like to me, I don't have any, like, crazy gigantic cards. There's a few 40 or $50 cards floating around these decks.

But, like, Matt, look at Maddox's face. Oh, he's like, I've heard of $40 cards. I'm rocking a, I'm rocking a common deck. He's like, I could never spend $200 on a deck. Fuck. I hang out outside draft tournaments and ask for the box of discards. Jesus. $400 for a deck.

He doesn't spend $400 on his bicycle. He couldn't spend $400. Yeah. he's got a $400 food budget gummy bear budget this month $400 slime bed sheet budget Maddox's

entire bedroom set cost $200 to $400 That's it And that has to be okay I'm not building decks specifically to like steamroll people I don't have any decks I don't think that can win in like even three or four turns

They usually all take at least five or six to get their thing going and that is like, I think good enough. Nobody gets pissed at that. And I've never looked at this fucking bracket system because I don't care. I don't want to know what your bracket is. I don't want to tell you what bracket.

I don't have to even know what my fucking bracket is. It like takes away from the idea of building the deck to me, which is like that's what I'm having the most fun doing is seeing some card combo or some funny card or whatever. Or like Phenax. I have a Penex deck, but I just, I love the idea of tapping your pictures. Never to attack. Penance.

Pieness. mill people and trying to get out I got a pean ass deck He's got a dick butt card Man Don't you guys have jobs What the fuck are you talking about Building a penis deck

They're doing the L.A. thing, man They're going to lunch They're going to carousel They're going to fucking We were talking about this before the show You were talking about your show Before the fucking show Well you know since we were eating

Just appetizes Cairousel Because that's all they could afford I got a PinaS deck It's 200 to 400 bucks 200 to 400 bucks well you know i have a few four dollar cards floating around in there you know a zero 30 fucking wall that is funny as shit to me you will put the wall of bossing zane funny as shit dude they have been

fucking i haven't passed it once he says this cool as shit he thinks funny as shit man in that just doesn't matter that's the dream it's in there i can maybe reanimated or something you'd have high tide in there you should throw a high tide in there uh for a minute i was doing high tides for a minute i was doing I had a Erborg in there You can hear Maddox Turn everything in the swamps Had a few cards

That doubled my swam value All this shit Yeah you got like a crypt gap What the fuck's wrong with the audio Because did you hear the You've Yeah let me let me play that again You're right

What's happening Is you're hearing Maddox Picking up in Chad's mic Okay Maddox edited all Maddox's audio But he can't He can't use a stem splitter

To take the voices apart Okay let me listen to that Listen to that shit. Turn everything in the swamps and a few cards. That doubled my swam value all this shit. Yeah, you got like a crypt gas. Yeah, you're right. What the hell?

Because you hear the bleed in the Chad's mic, and then that's what... And then Maddox takes over. He does like ADR over all his lines. Just garbage. Total garbage. Fucking crazy. That type of thing. That type of thing.

But then I took all that out, and now I'm just going for infinite mill combos. At any rate, what I'm saying is, I don't give a shit about the brackets. And I don't give a shit if other people do, who I'm playing against, because I know the decks I'm building are not going to be perceived as an asshole deck. He's one face. Their combo goes off. Yes, that may be like, oh, fuck, I can't believe he did this to me. But the likelihood of that happening and what I have to do to get to that common. Okay, so what is this like, we're tough guys?

We don't care about the fucking rating system of magic decks. We just want to make something funny, dude. So talk about that. Don't you understand how funny and fucking elevated I am? Fuck the system, yeah. Fuck the brackets, man. Chuck Norris was a deck. Wouldn't even be my deck because he couldn't be a deck.

Ten brackets deep in your mom's asshole. That's the point of this, that they hate it and it sucks, and they don't care. They're so punk. Who the fuck's going to watch this? Us. Us. Exclusively. Exclusively us.

Bo. It's so crazy. don't think anyone will ever be mad at me. And that really is what the, the bracket system, in my opinion. That's what it's for. It's so that you can have casual play with strangers and not be a complete dick. Whoa. Casual play with strangers.

Sounds like some fucking shit you find. Pull. Smokers. Cousal play with strangers. Crapers. Casual play with strangers. Rate my dick. Fucking, here's Maddox keeping the cash cab guy hostage.

fucking about magic cards. That's so crazy. Maybe some shit starts happening in my deck, you know, okay. And I'm down with that.

You're going to cash cards. That's fine. That sounds like reasonable. It sounds like a very reasonable way to cash rigors. I thought you were saying like, I'm just building, whatever the fuck I want.

No, no, no. And I would even say in like my more expensive decks. The audience changes entirely. The, the price tag usually comes because I'm buying fucking like foil cards and sure. And weird treatments that I just like

how they look. For me, magic is really like the aesthetic of it is a huge thing. Obviously, the collecting of it. If anybody's watching this fucking video, you know how it goes. We all got that little thing in our head that's like, I need to have more cars that look pretty. What the fuck's happening?

He got a little thing in his mouth, dog. That's fucking so... Who talks like that? That's like... We all have a little homosexual Puerto Rican in our head. For some, it may be Dominican, but yeah. That is primarily like when I'm playing Commander,

I like peeling off those seven cards and seeing my fucking glistening counter spells or whatever, you know, shining back at me from my hand. That's really what I'm playing magic for, I guess, at this point. And that bracket system is just like, huh? It's like reading a fucking instruction manual for a car or something. I know how to drive. I'm not reading this.

Fuck it. So that's the gayest thing. that's two of the same guy yeah it is that's like that's a lot of words I ain't reading all that shit I don't know how to drive

I'm not reading that shit it's like okay sassy you fucks you fucking sass factor fucking pole smoker mother I'm not reading that shit

pole smokers so many people abuse the bracket system where they'll say oh well it's strictly a bracket three because I have three game changers in there's like yeah motherfucker you're also winning on like turn three

or four who are you talking about if it's even possible to present a win by turn three or four you're not a bracket three Bracket three should be Maddox what are you doing man this is a guy who just likes the debate for the sake of debate dude he's found his

end game going to the card shop every Friday and arguing with people about magic that's the end I like to think that one day when Vito has his brick and mortar store that Maddo and this guy will be in there. Yeah. And they could argue about

what's cool or not cool as shit. Who's the soul ringer? He can be winning before turn six. For the love of God. If your deck is that powerful, just here's why I think it matters and why people should have that rule zero discussion. Rule zero is like the conversation you have before you start playing the game is so that you can choose a deck that is competitive with what you're playing

with the other people at the table. Because we have more, we can build more powerful decks. There's deck lists everywhere. You can build one. And you can have a more enjoyable game that way so that if you're the player who's winning and you're just... Okay, that's it. Goodbye, everyone. That's it. What a fucking nightmare.

500 views. Let's read some of these comments. Couldn't agree more overall. Okay, they're all normal comments. Can I mail you guys some chub-toads? Yeah. okay uh yeah all right

that's it goodbye everybody see you next week see you