The Dick Show - Episode 503 - Dick on Vengeance for All

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

Iran makes some AI videos, Salvo Pancakes commits a hate crime, India creates a new kind of music festival, the Sol Ringers Maddox looking and Chad counter, a bolo gun for lady policemen, a car breaking system for screaming, making porn of people you know, criminalizing sauce packets, NY goes dark, and a professional woman bicycler goes off a bridge; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Oh, it's a working live show. Invite to voice. Should I invite crim-pilled to voice? Hell yeah. Crim, yeah. You gotta get crim-filled, man. You fucking stupid if you're not crim-filled. What are you not crim-pilled?

What are you, a dumb asshole? What are you a big, stupid, fucking dumb, worthless, fucking retarded asshole? You have better things to do? I doubt it. Doubtful. Highly doubtful. I know you don't have better things. You listen to this.

I know you got nothing better to do. So just get crimfielded. Just once, a little bit. Just once. A little bit. That's all. Where's the... Here we go.

This should already be going. That's the great thing about it. Yes. Holy shit. It's going to be a good day. Is that what I'm going to do? The Blocked by Vito, booty. Yeah, dude.

So nothing like seeing this deflated Vito's Booty chest right here Because it's like it's such a Direct Analogy of the show Or rather Because you know it's like He was just thing that's full life right Now it's deflated

Now there's no more Vito's booty You guys you gotta blow some of these Some of the pool toys you gotta blow up like While you're using it Cool toys. You never pull your lips off. That makes me a fucking rage. Right.

You would think by now, with companies like fucking Belzona and all these waterproof fucking gorilla, why doesn't guerrilla tape? Why doesn't gorilla tape just make a fucking raft over it? Doesn't gorilla glue make a raft? I'd fucking. Sell it at Home Depot. Or just like even like pool toys. If they made a beach ball, that thing would never go fucking flat, dude.

All the poor kids get awesome pool toys. Because it's like the inside of a tire that they pulled out of a dump. Yeah, that's tight. Bouncy. It goes dong when you hit it. It lasts. But the CVS pool toys fucking suck. Dude, even the target ones, too, man.

How the fuck am I supposed to have a beer in the pool? Yeah. If it's constantly under threat of becoming chlorinated. I want a black pool toy inner tube. So I can heat the fuck up in the sun. Heat up, man. This'll be too hot for other people to sit down. Hey, you know, this is just in.

This is just in for you. research shows that even a 1.36% in dehydration is enough to cause significant mood decline in women. This is a real study. This is a real study. Alert. Alert. Get the word out quickly. She's not on her period. She just hasn't had anything to drink in a month and a half. That's the problem. Get some water in that bitch. Carry around a super-soaker. it right in her fucking mouth. Was Stanley onto something selling all those cups then? Yes. Stanley was... Stanley, the guy, was like, I'm so sick of these bitches and they're 1% and above dehydration.

We got to be giving them two Stanley cups, man. It's not enough. Because they're getting angous summertime. That means these bitches are sweating. They stink and they're getting angry. They're getting angrier. We need to soak these hos. Well, you know why women wear...

Soke a hoarse. Curfew, right? Say that again? You know why women wear makeup. up in perfume, right? They fucking stink. Because they're ugly and they stink. Yeah, and they're thirsty.

That's what this scientific study says. Anger and hostility goes up 8%. How do they measure that? I could probably measure that. Just ask their husband, hey, how angry would you say? I think she's 8.3% angrier than normal today. Hmm. Wait, so you mean we're relegated to being waiters then?

Like, oh, would you like a glass of water? Like, how would I get you a glass of water? Would you like a refill on that water? Fuck. Is that life? Is that, was that God's, plan that we are that we are the eternal waiter for these fucking hos because they can't eat or drink for themselves i'm going to take it a step further dude we got born into uh a service industry

we got born into this slavery role that's fucking men going their own ways is slapping the water to the ground i'm not going to and then these fucking bitches anymore like a plant they're gonna that's how that makes them worse though yeah this plant's first one 0.3% of the dehydration. What is that even mean? Anger, hostility, fatigue. Le fatigue. Goes up 17%.

Vigor. Goes down 12%. How you measure a vigour on a woman. Let me see that vigor. I was thinking of the Accura vigour. Spread those cheeks. Let me see that vigour. Mood disturbance

of 19%. Whoa! 19%. 19%. Mood disturbance. I'm going to start throwing these figures out. There's a disturbance. Mood disturbance is really out of whack.

You're far beyond the standard deviation of mood disturbance at the moment. You've got to look at your... Apple Watch and be like, are we pushing 30% today? How about an Apple Watch for men? Your bitch is underwatered. Her mood disturbances off the charts. Stick her in a sound deprivation chamber.

Hook an IV up. calm her shit down task difficulty perception up 58% wow that one hits home all right ladies before you answer your emails

why don't you take a sip out of the large Stanley Cup to your right the right of that one not the one that's full of brisk nests tea ice tea right because that seems to be the workaround too as you get all these bitches with like it's just one

water, but I added 90 packets of flavoring to it. And it's like, I added those, I just, I added all those little, those little packets that come with the, with the, uh, ship with the sweaters and stuff, all the silica packets. Because I like the way they taste. Yeah, I've just been shitting since the last month, yeah. I'm silica maxing today. I, I mixed them up. It's just something fun that I like to do.

It's holistic. Silica is from the sand. I'm over through the sand, yeah. Concentration goes down 45%. How do they measure that? Tick, talk, tic-tok. Talk about shoes. Talk about shoes. What am I talking about?

Headaches up two times. Wow, not even a percentage on that. I don't know if this is a scientific study. 200%? 100%. Whoa. Why'd they switch on that one to two times? I don't know.

So water your bitch. If you got a bitch at home, keep that bitch in some water. Throw her ass in the shower. Like a hydroponic bitch Say you smelled like you could use a shower Stinky your mood dysregulation Is off the charts today Hose that bitch down

You could do drive-by waterings The Glendale Galleria That's why they hate when you get it in their hair Because they're like now I've got to shower For real usually they just go in there and turn the water on I know I'm so far ahead on this one I've been telling people for years that they don't shower They pretend

They go in there They close and lock the door and they're in there shopping on their fucking phone and then they get a towel and wrap it around and rub some water on themselves but they are not in there showering I swear to God set up a hidden camera you will see that I'm right

everyone now thinks the water jug test is cool I started it and now I'm telling you the shower test also true they are not showering in there measure the soap daily measure the fucking is she washing her legs too in there Not even, no chance of that. Oops, wrong button. Well, you could imagine.

New soul ringers are out. Two testicles, the two testicles podcast. Oh, yeah. Twin testicles. Clean testicles. Talk magic. Yeah! You want, dig, you need, dick, you love to go. Yeah, it's the show where it was a king of ice.

I'm going on from Mount Barker, Deep, in the Harder City of Failure. Your Hostick Match today, aka the $20 million. Man, join me as always. Johnny, the audio engineer. What's that, buddy? What's up, man? Well, science start out the day.

That's some good science. Yeah, it is. It explains a lot. We need more water fountains. Put them in every classroom. Here's a science question for you. More of an engineering question, my guess would be. Okay.

How come every fucking house or every Airbnb, everywhere you go to with a shower, that it's always a different fucking system every time. Every faucet and stuff? Every fucking install is, Well, actually, this is a concentric knob. You turn the water pressure on with this. You turn it to unlock the temperature.

And you do it wrong. The original sign declaration of independence comes down. You got to refract the sunlight through these spectacles. And fucking, why is it that you have, like, 70 degrees of cold to lukewarm? And then two degrees of, like, Jesus Christ, I boiled myself a lot. Yeah. And then anything kind of like. You've got to go past that one.

It's crazy. I stayed in a hotel this week that had, uh, for, First of all, it's all body wash now. In addition to every single room has a different sort of arrangement of hot and cold to get it going right. Yeah. It's all body wash now. So you feel like you're, I mean, you're just pumping against the, you're pumping like this flimsy plastic thing against the wall. It's just you can like feel everybody who's also pumped it.

Like, this is disgusting. Yeah. I feel like I'm in a rest stop bathroom here. They had a new invention in being horrible, in anti-hospitality, which was a, which was floor lights in the nightstand that were motion activated. Oh. So I'm like, I'm tired

and I'm trying to go to bed and I'm like shutting the lights off. I'm like, wait a minute. Why is the floor lights here? How do I shut this shit off? So I'm like, look, I'm turning off and on the bed things. Like there's always a hidden switch somewhere, you know? I'm like crawling under stuff and finding it.

So finally, I just, I call it. the front desk and I'm like hey what's the deal with these floor lights how do I turn those off she goes well um we could send an engineer up to disable it I'm like don't disable it just tell me how to shut it off she goes they're motion activated I'm like you're kidding me why would you do that she's yeah yeah um they're motion activated so if you just lay really still they'll go off on their own or we can send somebody up to I can send an engineer up to put a stuff in front of it. I'm like, I don't need an engineer to put crap

in front of a light. That fucking sensor. Okay? I don't... But the fact that you're like ready to go with the... It's nighttime, we've got to start sending engineers all over the hotel to shut off the auto sensor lights

that nobody has ever seen before. No person in the world has ever had an automatic light sensor in their fucking bed. That's the most like, you can't be hung over there. Exactly. You move around a little bit

it's like, bs! Like, ah, what the hell's going on here? Oh! Yeah, you feel like someone's just walked in your hotel room and flipped the lights on. Like, I don't know where I am. This is a bad way to wake up. Fuck that shit, man. Auto-sensing lights. If you don't like him, we can send an engineer

up to throw a bunch of garbage and stuff in front of them. I don't want that. Actually, who was the engineer who suggested this shit in the first place? That's who I want to talk to. Do you have these in your home? I said, do they put these in your house? No.

Nobody has ever asked for this in their fucking home. Maybe in the bathroom. Why is it that the bathroom doesn't have one of these? Why is the bed? No, the bathroom one's worse because you turn the light on. And it still has the motion sensor on it. So you'll be in the shower. But because it can't read past the glass,

you're in the shower and it fucking goes dark, even if you manually push the button on. Who's making this automated shit? Dude, the most automated it ever needed to be was those old spa timers where you turn the knob past 15. That was peak. That was peak civilization. Just one knob. Late 90s.

Yeah. And every single one worked exactly the same. Yeah. And when the hot tub stopped, you go, oh, I just got to turn the knob again. That's enough hot tub for me. That's enough. By then, you're... The guy making this dial used a hot tub.

I can tell. Yes, that's what it is. It's fucking people who've actually used the... fucking things go man you know about an hour is the perfect time in there how's your dehydration that's what I'm gonna ask women yeah how when's the last time you had a drink of water because you're acting a little you're having a you're experiencing a high mood disturbance you're hitting woman plus mode you need to to dial back bring that back down to woman light yeah free freemium you need to bring that back down to the free model I'm not

paying for this shit. Now, I don't want woman pro. What do you mean? Micro-transactions of fucking water bottles throughout the day. Fuck that. Oh, man. Things are looking up, I think. Spencer Pratt released a,

he's running for mayor, you know? Oh, right. Against that lady. He released a campaign song today. Look at this. Spencer Pratt. Remember him? From the hills or something, I think.

The hills have eyes. Look at this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's white, by the way. That's tight. Oh, yeah. Uh-oh.

Oh, uh-oh. Oh, suck a la basura. I can't help it. Dancing with some AI horror on this thing. Look at this. God, I hate AI. I'm so fucking good. Yeah, this is dope.

This is dope. Sacka la basura! The original phrase. What the hook? There's a Maddox bedsheet thing, slime. Sikala la basura! There she is in the garbage. In the basura.

Race war. We're having a race war. Tight. Yeah. It's about time again. It's about fucking time. Race war in L. baby.

Woo! Woo! Get ready. Get ready. That's it. That's what that song says to me. Oh, we got a lot of Mexicans here, right? We're sacking the basura.

The original phrase is sacca la bolcita. Saka. What's a bolsita? The bag. The bag. Ah. We're sacking the basura now. Come on, man.

We need everybody. We need all the Mexicans help on this one. Get her out of there. We need the cartel. Needs to send in some shoes. She's the reason that there's folic acid in tortillas, man. Get her out of here. Mexicans.

This bitch crammed a bunch of folic acids. She was going to make it illegal to water your spiders, dude. She's going to make it illegal to water these spiders and to double park. I know Mexicans love, man. They love double park. They hate turning the car off for some reason. I think they think it's like cursed somehow and that every time you turn the car on, a demon might come out of the car. It is, yeah.

They do not like turning the car off and on. They will, if a Mexican had their way, they would leave a guitar on a car on for the entire life of the car. They would also leave the guitar on for the entire life too. Because that's, man, my neighbors sometimes. I'm like, could you not? Just once? I'll only be a day and a half. Leave the car on.

Leave it running outside. I'm only going to shower and eat and then go to sleep. Take a nap. Yeah. And then wake up in the morning and eat again and read the paper and get ready to get it. Eat in my sleep on an ambient one. Pop some ambient. Moe my lawn at three in the morning.

Mow my lawn. Then I'll be right back. I'll be right back out here and get on the road. So don't turn the car off. Don't worry about it. Leave it on. I don't want to. release the demon or whatever.

It's just a Toro brand riding mower sitting out front. Leave it on. Leave it on. That's the motto. Keep it going. Keep it gone. Leave it on.

Run that meter up. Run the meter. I don't know when I'm going to need it again. Leave it on. Yeah, I'm not paying this taxi anyway. Let it run. You go down there. You go down the hill here

and it's a very wide, you couldn't tell, but it's the road is four lanes wide. It is. But there's two rows of Mexicans parked on both sides. One with the car. Well, you can tell as the income gets lower, you go from four lanes down to three, down to two, down to this is a one-way, one-lane street.

And all the cars are just running, abandoned. Mm-hmm. Like in a zombie apocalypse. The rapture. I'm getting new air for the house, so I don't have Airbnb. Air, I don't have these stupid wall units. I said get that one Put it in the garage

And he goes I like that idea And it was that Don't be liking that I get the fuck out of my house I like that He's like I like this idea And he's a He's a Russian guy I guess

Okay so he knows about the cold then He knows about cold I would take his advice They're experts on the cold So they come down here And they're taking measurements of stuff And he goes He goes

He points to that flag right there He goes this Russian flag I was like, uh-oh. Because it's not really hung in the most, you know, I don't know, respectful of ways. It's kind of like tied on to these drapes that are around here to do a little sound dampening an atmosphere. But in my defense, there's an American flag with Trump on it right on the other side. But again, I don't know. I don't know if he's like pro-Russia.

I don't know if it's one of these things where he's like, actually I hate Russia or actually I hate Russia. But I don't like it when other people disrespect for Russia. So the Duke boys have gotten themselves in quite a Tread that bore slightly Yeah Yeah um So I said oh is it And he goes yeah

It's funny you don't see Don't usually see A Russian flag and Ukrainian flag in the same room And he points over the And I said I bet You know Yeah

I said you're know? I said, you know, oh, is it a Russian flag? Somebody sent that to me. He goes, yeah, it's funny. You don't see the Russian flag in the Ukraine flag in the same room. And you know how Russians are. Whether they like you or not. Yeah. Stoneface. And I said, ah, I don't know what to say. I said, oh, I guess they must have a real sick sense of humor then. Whoever sent it? And he goes, yeah. I said, now will you fix the fucking air, please? Is that? Are you going to shit in the air thing? Are you going to fuck it up?

Because the last guy fucked it up. God damn it. Yeah. Are you guys putting drones in there? Because you can tell me. Is that a spool of fiber optic cable later? Whose drones am I putting in my house? China's or Iran's?

It's fine. I need some defensive drones. Um. Salvo Pancakes Took on Do you know who Rabbi Shmuli is That walking like Anisemitic meme?

I keep hearing the name, yeah He's a guy that runs Sex Store with his daughter He's like super hyper Israeli Rabbi guy He calls, I don't know if he is a rabbi He calls himself Rabbi Shmuli Hmm

So he was at the He was at the Roll doll I don't know why they're going after a Roald Dahl Maybe Maybe just because he's like White They had to change it from big fucking giant

To like BFJ Originally it was called BFJ He went around He went around England Eating all the copper Did you know that?

Yeah apparently Roll Dahl was a big anti-Semite I just imagine A Jewish Edwards You should be called the Yeah What about like Edward's scissor hands? But all he's doing is playing with money?

Edward counting hands? Edward clipping. Give me those fucking... He's clipping quarters. He's out of control. Every time he holds them like King Midas, they just clip. He's like, fuck. He's like, no, I'm just trying to give it to someone.

And he clips right and have. He's like, fuck. Yeah, he's apparently he's a big animist. The biggest. So we can't have kids reading these stories, right? That's the move. We can't have kids. Well, we're.

Roll doll, big anti-semi. So obviously we're gonna have to pull Oevee, we gotta pull all the books off the shelves because of John Lithgow. What? It'd be funny if Shell Silverstein was. He was a big anti-Semite?

It'd be funny if he was, yeah. Yeah. They'd be like, we gotta go after Shell Silverstein. Like, wait, what? Mr. Smeds, man. Mr. Snows. Mr. Smeds had 21 heads and not one nose to his face.

Just, Mr. Snow's had one big nose and thought he was a master race. That's a pretty good poem by Shell Silverstein, the annex Semite. Huge. Shell massive anti-Semite Silverstein, yeah. He actually made his name ironically.

Yeah, he was being an asshole when he did it. Silver, oh, Goldstein would be too, oh, Goldstein is real shit. It's highly offensive that they're going after Roll Dahl. Yeah, why the fuck? Because he said, like, I don't think we should be doing

war for Israel. Which is the definition How long ago did he say? Hasn't he been dead forever? Is he still alive? I guess they were doing wars for Israel for a long time now. You don't say.

It's written on the art of the covenant. Right. I'm not dying for Israel. That guy with the machine gun. Actually on the bottom of the real arc of the covenant. You think that's what was really in Jesus' tomb? I'm not down. Yeah.

John 316, actually it is. does say I'm not dying That's what Austin 316 is Oh yeah That was written on the original head of the sphinx I'm not dying for Israel They blew it up That's why it has that little shitty head

That obviously is not supposed to belong there Stupid-ass little fucking guy head Just put another Just put something else that is right on there They're redoing the whole Parthenon Like they're putting it back together So it looks like Vegas I guess When we were there

We were there At the Parthenon Yeah And I was like, whoa, this is majestic as fuck, dude. It's like the very, it's the parthenon is like the top of a butte in the middle of Athens. And you could see fucking everything. It's not a big butt and assens? Big butt and asses.

Sticking out. Man. I went to Asson's Greece and on top of the butt. It looks dope as fuck. I'm like, man, this is some baller shit. You're walking in this beautiful park going up this. switchback trail and then there's a giant

amphitheater that like the audience looks out over the whole valley and then you get to the very top and there's the Parthenon is up there like wow this is fucking cool man

and then we're walking around it and like on the other side they're kind of rebuilding the Parthenon they're like putting new I don't know if it's marble or not but they're like connecting it It's all Chineseium

Yeah it's like Chineseium they're connecting it together and it looks like the new stuff is white so you can tell but that makes it even dumber I think it's not gonna last as long they're gonna have to rebuild that

10 times before they even have to touch the rest of it yeah you guys didn't even like try to do the old concrete stuff that they were doing um looks like shit I hated it all I hated it instantly

but I'm sure people will love it and they'll be like yeah let's go let's go to the new and improved parthenon but then I got in trouble for taking silly pictures I forget what I was doing. Were you pretending to be a homeless guy debating on what is a man?

What's that? Who's the fucking philosopher who is like, oh, a man is something that's like, yeah. Theogenes. Yeah, I always fucking forget. I think all those mental experiments and all those thought things are just fucking retarded. We don't need that shit anymore. You don't. We have just AI.

I saw somebody on Twitter saying. You got bums in the street corner talking about the same shit. It's like, it's not impressive. Those bums have better control over their minds than, like, people who have access to AI. I saw some people who use it. They really do. I saw some AI researcher go, he was like, oh, I used, I used Chaggy BT to help me build my argument for something. And it came up with all these, like, points that I should be making and that were good with evidence.

And then for a lark, I said, I argue the opposite side of this. and now I'm totally demotivated because it argued the other side perfectly. Like, what are you? What's wrong with you? You just kind of, just have an opinion and go for it. Don't try to strengthen your, what kind of word cell,

what kind of retarded word cell bullshit is this? Yeah. That's dead. That shit's gone. Debating. Fucking, so crates, gay, stupid. Fucking get a sledgehammer and just start breaking concrete in your backyard all day.

You'll think, you'll be so, fucking enlightened afterward you will have put in a good day's work doing some standing in the sun

yeah getting vitamin D getting some fitness in not making a computer argue not doing some stupid shit wasting time wasting energy

and I don't even care about the energy waste it's just like it's more of like a fucking you know oh look at this thing I did

it's like wow you use the program you guys are like in church all day that's what you're doing talking to AI you just in church listening to fucking church shit getting regurgitated the same shit over and over

Reddit garbage fed back to you over and over and over again fuck that yeah at least like listen to my argument no computer that's for computers you have a real person yeah yeah yeah go fuck yourself with your real argument eat shit suck a dick suck some computer's dick you weirdo yeah look out of here well great the great Western philosopher Fred Durst said it best is it's my way or the highway, right? Like, the three, the three enormous, uh, losers. Aristotle, Plato, Socrates. Lame.

Three huge lamers and queers. Arguing with- Actually, yeah, they were inventing dicks and asses. Drinking wine. Ficking salt wine. Drinking salt wine. Gay idiots. No, I'm not going to...

Arguing with each other like a bunch of computers. Fucking stupid. Yeah. Stupid assholes. Stupid, fuck. Waring. bed sheets acting like they knew how the fucking world worked? I don't think so.

Look at this. Salvo pancakes. Attacks. Oh, man. He called in a long time ago. Good old Salvo pancakes. He's a man. I haven't heard anything from him in a while.

I mean, I haven't been doing this bullshit roll doll cancellation thing where they're showing that he was critical of. Israel, which is anti-Semitism. Post-postomous fucking, I was like post-mortem. Posthumous fucking cancellation. Obviously, because they got to get the kids. So you got the Mormons trying to posthumously

save you through their 23 and me program where they bless your fucking DNA or whatever and you go to heaven. That's the whole, that's the secret thing behind it, man. What? Yeah, you don't know all that shit's run by Mormons? No. You got to get unc maxing. Way harder.

What are they doing? Dude, they're using it to like build databases, but worse than that is they're trying to send everyone to Mormon heaven by blessing you after. Secretly. Like a death note, dude. Oh. They get your name.

It's like a salvation note. They write your name and your DNA and their fucking God computer. You're going to Mormon heaven, dude. That's worse. You get your own planet. You have to eat onions with Joseph Smith in Utah, dude. Shit. I'm not bad.

I'm not bad. I go to Dutch bros every day. That's cool. That'd be better than nothing, I guess. I guess, yeah. Is he a jerk? Joseph Smith? I don't know.

I've never cared enough to look into it. I'm sure he was. If he's like, you know what? I'm just going to make a religion. Is he woke? Is he into woke shit? Do you think by default he's anti-Semitic because he started his own religion?

I don't know. I guess so. Yeah. Like, would that call, like, can they go through and deem, like, Muhammad, the prophet? Muhammad Ali? Well, Muhammad Ali, for sure, yeah. But he's just a proper American.

You can't really, you can't blame him for that. Yeah. But I mean, like, the Prophet Muhammad, do you think that that he's anti-Semitic as a real? Definitely. That's fucking, like, they need to start going out. Like, it's funny to go after, like, people, but if they start going after other religions,

that's going to be the ramp up I need. Okay, here is, so Rabbi Shmuli was supporting this, this stupid play about Roll dolls and Anning Semite and Salvo Pancakes showed up for some reason. I called him a pig. So Rabbi Shmuli goes running to the cops. Let me try to find the progression here.

It's so funny. Oh, this is another Salvo. Salvo's in New York on a tear right now. I don't know why. Killing it, yeah. Holy shit. Okay, here is Salvo. Rabbi Shmoh.

Oh, yeah. Here he is. Rabbi Shmooley is a Zionist fucking pig. Here he is, right on camera. Hi, everybody. I have no problem saying it. Rabbi Shmooley. Say your name. I'm Salvo, baby. I have no problem saying it. Why would I give a Zionist? Why would you give a phone number? What a weird question. Look at him run at the cops. Look at Shmooley run at the coves.

I have it on video. I have it on video. I have it on video. I have it on video. He's threatening me? I called him a Zionist. I didn't touch him. I didn't break any law. I haven't. I have it on video. I just talked to him.

I didn't touch him. No, I did it. He's threatening my life. Wow. No, no pause at all. What happened in dialogue? No hesitation. What happened in dialogue, Rabbi's show?

Is this your husband? You let him in the street acting such a fool every time, huh? Debbie, bring it here. This is what happened to me at the Fountain Blue Hotel. I won't put up with it. Why are you lying me? He is harassing me. Rabbi Shmooley, why are you liars?

He's guilty of a hate crime in NYPD. Rabbi Shmoole... Here comes the cops. They've probably got nothing better to do in New York. I'm doing a video. We're in middle of an intermission. This man came over. I was at a take two.

He was at the play. He already called us fucking Jews upstairs. A woman who witnessed it. You called a fucking Jews. I'm with my wife over there. And he just attacked me. I didn't have a video. He was rabbi Shmuli.

He will tell you. They know who you are, Rabbi Shmuli. They know who you are, Rabbi Smol. You're making a scene, Rabbi Smolian. It would have been so funny if he tripped up the curb. Yeah. Why did you walk over to me? Tell me, no, no.

Why did you walk over to him? What did you say? Why did you walk over to me and what did you say? I said you're a Zionist. No, you said I'm an effing Zionist. I'm allowed to swear at you. I'm not. No, I didn't.

No, I did it. I'm allowed to say that. Uh-oh, here comes the ladies. He's a Zionist pig. She's got a bathroom key on her wrist? She's the hubcap. Why do you escalate, Rabbi Smooley? Why do you escalate?

Why do you escalate, Rabbi Smooley? Officer Jus have to be safe in New York City. Sir, I have freedom of speech. Sir, sir. Jews cannot be attacked. If someone's black and they're attacked, that's racist. Rabbi Smooley completely losing his mind. It's freedom of speech.

I can call him a Zionist. call him a Zionist. It's freedom of speech. We're not in Israel. Oh. I got all that video if you want to see it. What happened? I know him. Um, I was at to play too with my wife. You read that. I know who he is. He's Zionist. I saw his film a video saying in my opinion a bunch of hateful things, right? So just right here. See you or like? No, his wife was filming him and I just went up and filmed him and called him a Zionist and that's when he ran to you guys right away. And I can show if you. He's like, oh, okay.

He's like, okay. Well, looks like I'll be filling out paperwork for the rest of my life. Jesus, fucking, yeah. And then he's doing the dance. That's a Fortnite dance. Salvo's doing. What a hero. Man.

Just when you, just when I was like, whatever happened is Salvo? I'm saying it. Damn. something amazing something amazing you be salvo pancakes and everybody loses their minds Israel

prevented the is Easter is it something some kind of special Saturday today Sunday because Jesus maybe died today

huh is that right I don't know the Catholics are all up to something today they are well they're always up to something Israel didn't let

the here's the story Israel police prevented the Latin patriarch of Jerusalem from entering the Holy Land from entering the holy sepulchre to celebrate Palm Sunday Mass. That was today.

The Cardinals, the Cardinals name was Cardinal Pizza Bala. Huh. His name was Pizza Bala. So he took a pizza and balled it up? Yes. Dude, I thought sandwich balls was an innovation, but pizza balls?

I think he's on. His name was Cardinal Pizza Bala. Isn't that funny? Did he do the thing where he talks like this, too? He should. And he wears a little pizza hat, chef hat. He's got like a perfect mustache, too. They don't even say, like, they don't even say, for real.

That was his name. They just skip over it and just keep talking about the news. Hmm. Like, this is a first time in centuries that the heads of the church was barred from celebrating Palm Sunday. Pizza ball. You ever heard something like that? Cardinal Pierre Batista pizza balla Spelled pizza balla Is there's Pierre and he got pizza in his name too?

Pierre Batista pizza balla He's got to figure it out man You can't be no French motherfucker You can be fucking around with no pizza balla Yeah talking about Okay here's one I guess it's all these real stuff today Here's a here's a cop something's got to be done about these cops man This is Wisconsin Sheriff Michael J. Bouchard

confirmed that a man was arrested after distributing an offensive internet meme of him. The sheriff said the man was trying to threaten and intimidate him by posting the meme. A guy posted a meme of the sheriff. So the sheriff arrested him. This was the meme that was posted. Jesus, fucking.

Christ. I'd say it's the sheriff. I don't, I think he has that on his head. Let me see. Yeah, let's, okay. Max and my son's, duh, uh,

oh yeah, okay. So this is, this is the meme. It's the sheriff with a orthodox Jewish hat and braid things, like dreads sticking down, and then a giant star of David on his forehead. I think his forehead is a little stretched out. I think that's probably the offensive part

Yeah, no one wants a five head No one wants a five head This is the guys of Twitter really This is why this happened Something's really got to be done about these cops They're out of control They're doing with this and the Afro-Man thing They really have forgotten that they're

They're sitting around looking at themselves online Like do your fucking job Yeah Did we come down a generation In police now where they're like, they're not boomers anymore, but they're like terminally online

Gen Xers who are rage pigs and offended by everything. Yeah. I think we did. Some dehydrated rage pigs out there. We got to get these cops some water. Big time.

We've got to call the fire department. I agree. Something's got to be done about this. Cops trampling all over the First Amendment because people are going online and talking shit about this. them. Yeah.

No, no, no. Prison. Yeah. We got to get, we got to get those little crates that they put pigs in. They're like the worst thing ever. They like put pigs in these tiny ass crates.

And we got to put the cops. That's cop prison. Man, you got to get in the little pig farm. Squeeze your ass in there. You guys can't be talking about hurt feelings and. Yeah, what do you mean? Hurt feelings? You have to know how to pull a gun out

and blast someone's shit to move off in the split second. Yeah. Keep back on the gun range. None of this fucking... None of this shit. Go learn how to ride your fucking cop motorist, like, well, do something. But to many women in the department.

Now everyone has, is on their period. Okay, here he is. He does have a big head. He doesn't have a star of David on his head, really, though. Okay, so that would... I'll give you this by way of example. Some pondscomb felt empowered and emboldened enough

to put this picture of me up. He's showing the meme at his... Press conference. Does he not have kids? His kids are a little losers too, I bet. Do not stopping this. Even if you've had her, they're fucking the funniest people around. Yeah, Dad, you should do that.

Definitely show him, yeah. Show him how hurtful and impactful this was. Oh, there's a version without the hat. Okay, so this is just his head stretched out. I see. The hatless version implied he was broke. He didn't like that. Those hats are a lot of money, Dick.

Like, do you think that you could just go to any sheriff and go like, hey, do you think you could hold a press conference and put a Photoshop picture of yourself up with a big star of David with your forehead all stretched out? They would probably say no. They're right. But then if you if you hurt someone's feelings, they'll show the whole world. Yeah, they'll call attention to it all day. To try to threaten and intimidate me, which, of course, he didn't do because I signed up for this. Oh. And by the way, the person that did this said a bunch of terrible things, not just against me, but against a lot of groups and individuals.

Who, by the way, was arrested today and this council. If this person is emboldened and empowered enough or feel safe enough to do this for me, what does he do to a kid? What does he do to a Jewish family walking down the street? He puts Jewish stars on their heads? Watching this on television Starhead sneaches, dude. I feel empowered enough that I can do this. I'm going to do this to a kid now.

Instead of like the police that have total authority over my life and all of our lives and can do anything they want, I'm going to take the most vulnerable person and just and do the same thing to them. That totally tracks. Why would I not? And V, if you think you can do it to somebody that's in law enforcement,

Again, what are you going to do in an alley or on a street to a Jewish family or a kid walking down the street? Uh-uh. We say no. You can't take, you can't be offended on behalf. I mean, an alley. What kind of alley is this? Where the fuck do alleys even still exist, man? He's going to corner a Jewish family.

You cannot. I don't think you're allowed to claim offense that a Jewish family might be photoshopped in an Allie. We're drawing the line. Well, I hope that works out for you. Whoops. We got to ramp those Photoshop machines up, boys. Ramp them up.

Let's see here. No Kings. No Kings is back. What? No Sean King or no Martin Luther King? Either them. They don't want any of sorts of kings at all.

This is their mascot. No kings. It's like a sort of lady thing. It's like a blob. Oh, that's gain.

It's like in BDSM, this fat, I don't know if it's what it is. A man or woman, it's got a, it's got some kind of a tube top. covering where its breasts are. Monster truck tire or two?

It is a monster truck. They turned to, they put flesh to a monster truck. I just hate that like, like that to me is like the same kind of people who like, it's always like the fat like, yeah, I'm like a fucking tough guy greaser thing.

And it's like, yeah, I got like a fucking ratfink tattoo on my arm. And it's like that rat think like, whoa, I'm so fucking crazy, man. And it's like, you can't even stand up. Like, what do you mean? You're so fucking, like, people, like, are cowering fin. It's like, get the fuck out of here.

What is rat Fink? Is it just, like, a guy, a doodle, like, Ziggy? Well, it was some asshole drew it. I forget his name because his art sucks. Yeah. But he drew it as, like, a way to be like, fuck Mickey Mouse. Here's not a cute mouse. He's an ugly rat.

He's like, he's supposed to be like rat fuck. And he's like, what? Look at my eyes bugging out. And it's like, dog. This is the lamest shit I've ever seen. But it's like that. We're like, yeah, I got like, fuck on. someone and it's like

they don't even have to detain you they could just wait till your chair battery runs out like it's not they could just put like some logs yeah in front of your wheels a tiny pebble even uh this is their this is their mascot a mad max woman in a wheelchair who caught everyone's attention during today's no king's protest is a disabled self-proclaimed queer activist she showed up to the burger kings protest yikes comments and say mean things. What mean things could people possibly say? Whoa, this is hot ho she has walking behind her,

who's hiding her face, though. Yeah. Shit to my face. You know why I know that? Because you voted for Trump. You have no courage. You have to say, call you what to your face? You are actively participating with being okay with the

unaliving of innocent people. Unaliving The unaliving Bitch you are in real life You're talking like that in real life Unaliving? She's so exceasing Look at what a badass she is dude

Jesus Christ Killing The words killing It's crazy to me being that size And not having like And having zero base And your voice Like god damn

Yeah I didn't do it Like The thing is You would never say this to my face It's like bitch You should be whistling And like bear's hell

Like, what the fuck? Your mouth should be opening bigger. Like, you know. This is like screening for Baleen. Yeah. Yeah. You should sound like mob eagle. Not

Tiny gym. Is the maw. Bands against women's bodies in our own country. Is that what this is, a woman's body? Wow. Yeah, I'm against the. I feel like nature of the people that you're choosing to worship right now. So you can kiss my fat disabled ass.

I guess why not? They have to use like a tank or they have to put her in dry dock to get her out of the wheelchair. Like, what the fuck? I don't think that that little hover round is rated at that size. No.

That looks like it's going to tip. Unlike her, which doesn't. It looks like it's about to go. Like, I can barely see the sides. somebody's got to slather some sun tan lotion on this bitch too he's fucking red

they put the potato outside and cooked it I saw a fucking homeless guy the other day that it looked like he had been in the sun for decades he was bright fucking like mega hat red

dude it was crazy and all I could I drove by and I looked at him and all I could think was nice hell yeah that's cool that's cool

Oh That's what we should be giving bums To this coffee is suntan lotion Like man I know you ain't fun Sun tan oil Just cook them Yeah

Spray some chrisco All over him But it's like Fucking bum Here's some fentanyl crisco She's basically a bum too She's like I need your donations

And it's like She reminds me of that What was that little guy That called in one time Like the creator of Eight Chain or something That Frederick Oh

I think he died He did he shouldn't have lived frankly but he did eventually die yeah he's dead now it's kind of crazy to me how we can allow this yeah kind of shit it's like growing up as a kid you're like wow eugenics and all this is like that's really bad and then now when you get older you're like wait this is the reason why fucking medical insurance is so high i try to barely ever use it i wish this was the reason our medical insurance was so high well i mean there's just a bunch of weird potatoes wheeling around.

Yeah, there's a myriad of other factors, of course. Yeah. It adds into it, man. A little bit, yeah. It would probably be cheaper. If we got companies out of health care, if we got all the fat-abled assholes who are just cashing a paycheck for recoding, for copying things from one spreadsheet to another and like figuring out how to maximally extract money from insurance companies, if we got all

them out, we could probably each have our own pet, one of these wheelchair dummies to wheel around the neighborhood, or at least share one. It'd be like a dog walking app. That's like a hot dog roller app. You're telling me this bitch can't do work as a dog walker? Plug her into the Tesla charger. Go door to door. Knock, knock.

I'm here to walk the dog. I'll be back in three hours. I need someone to vibe code a bridge between the Filipino Waymo drivers and these wheelchair bitches. I want a bunch of Filipinos running them into traffic. That's going to be the solution, I think.

I can't believe Salvo. Why was Salvo pancakes even there? Oh, he was seeing the play with his wife. With his wife, right, with his wife. That's such a great detail. We need to buy out a showing

of the Roll Doll was a nanny semite and turned it into like jelly bean from I think you should leave. We need to rent it out with our hardest party animals. Yeah. Hardest. Sloppy steaks in there, dude. We need to, like, not the guys who look around when they make a joke, all the guys who don't have never looked around from they make a joke because they know it's going

to land. That's what we need. Our hardest 100, 200 guys to just pack that black box. theater, the Eugene O'Neill Theater, wherever it is, fucking ruining children's, because they're gonna take those books away from kids and replace them with shit like Julian is a mermaid. Have you seen that book? What the fuck is that? It's this book about like a little creole kid whose mother is a grandma is a transsexual or something and he's like a little creole boy or maybe he's Haitian, I don't know. He's got a little too much spice in his gumbo. He's yeah. His fucking gun. Gumbos. His fucking gumbos. Dude,

his shrimps are boiled. The book is about a little boy who sees his grandmother's transsexual review where they're all dressed like mermaids, and then he gets it into his mind that he's a mermaid. And I could go get it. My wife got it at her baby shower from somebody. I don't know. Some kind of agent, some kind of...

Right, a literary agent. I'm kind of agent Satan So I picked it I'm like oh okay I'll read this shit Let's see how stupid this is And it's a little boy A little

A little gay kid Who wants to be a mermaid right Okay we'll read this That'll be funny Uh Start reading the book There's no words In the book

What the fuck? Yeah It's just pictures of a little boy taking his clothes off and getting his underwear and then cross-dressing like this is this not even a fucking book

crazy that's not a book there's like 20 words in the book burn it yeah they got me still I was like oh great I'm gonna read this and make fun of it

but there's no words in it I didn't even read Island of the Blue Dolphins because I thought the name sucked I was like that's gonna be some gay shit this is some of the gayest stuff I've ever

I can't even say it's gay because it's a little half-naked boy so I'm not like, I can't, I have no idea what it is, but it's got no words. It's tasteless. It's tactless. It is very tactless.

So they want to, they're going to launch the fifth column and take out Roll Dahl, who is the best, maybe second best, children's book writer, no the best. He's better than Dr. Seuss. Dr. Soys. Dr. Sois sucks. He fucking does. He fucking woke, environmental ass. Dick has. What a piece of shit.

Dr. Soiss is like... He wrote the Lorax only to kill a bagillion trees to print it on. And they still keep printing that book, too. That's a good point. What, like, what an asshole? Yeah, I'm gonna write... He's shitting on his own media. Yeah.

Hey, by the... In Sharpie, like Trump signs, everything is trying. Hey, by the way, this book was printed on a fucking tree. I don't know if you know. Unrecycled virgin fucking pulp right here. Yeah, because Dr. Sois books have got to be great. Yeah. Every single one has been laid.

give me back the golden books man with the fucking binding on the edge and shit those were tight hand painted beautiful dr soiss was like pissed that he's probably pissed that people liked the cat in the hat he's like no

he's like Alan Moore with the watchman right he's like no the cat in the hat is a bad guy you're not supposed to like him he likes to wreck stuff I also like to rep stuff the carmaca

and the yeah something along those lines Yeah. This children's book author is an A&A Semite. Yeah, you guys should try to take down Ford. Do that next when you're done. Fucking up kids' books. Go ahead and tell everyone that Ford is a day and I semi.

See how that goes. Make sure everyone reads a copy, too. Yeah, let everyone know. Let everyone know what a bad guy he was. Be sure you post it so everyone can really get to understand the depravity. Here's a... Oh, and Ford's points. Colorado's making it illegal to put condiments in the...

bag unless you request it. A napkin ban and Taco Bell can be fined $1,000 for giving you a napkin in your order if you didn't request it and hot sauce. So they took the barely functional system of the biggest

laziest tards, but not the laziest. The laziest working tards in the country. Yeah. They took a system that is hanging on by just a cunt hair. You're barely

You're barely getting the right sauce as it is. It's 50-50, maybe. 70-30. And they slapped a big old fine on it. So you make them afraid to give you condiments, right? They're probably going to send, like, secret shoppers around. Well, they don't have to. They just got a bunch of these wheeled fucks.

Yeah. Lined up to rat you out. Isn't that suck? It does. Remember back when McDonald's had the timer on the windows? Yeah, that was great And they'd hang the bag outside Yeah

Yeah They're like shit I got 30 seconds For this guy's gonna kill my whole family Get it out of your phone Bring that back Not like How about if you missed the condomit

It's a thousand dollar fine How about a mandatory bag of condiments How about When I ask for a grip of sauces Give me more than fucking three I know your hand isn't that small When I say a grip

Yeah I see I can hear you wheezing into the fucking drive-th Put those nails in it. Use the nails like a claw machine. Fucking stupid bitch. Yeah, a claw machine that just hit payout.

I said buttermilk just for you. I don't call it buttermilk at home. I said it because I know that you're not going to get confused. You should be proud I didn't call you Butterball Ranch, bitch. You mean buttermilk? Yeah, butterball? Yeah, whatever that thing you treat like a beverage is, yes. You know the sauce that I want because you know the order.

Dude, when people say the full name of things, it's like, oh, well, I'll just have the Southwest vegetables and it's like just say it's the if it's the only vegetable fucking side you can just say yeah I'll get the veggies like you don't have to fucking yeah it's not a technical manual you don't have to be that specific

okay here is Iran made a cool video let's see this is what Iran is sending uh let's tight Iran made

posted this. If they did their own crying Indian, that'll be sick. Yeah, Iran poses this video. It's like an Indian guy in full headdress looking up to the sky. It says Native American lands. And then there's... Oh, Japan. Japan.

It's a little Japanese boy carrying a even smaller dead Japanese boy on his back and it's, I guess Hiroshima has been totally devastated behind him. That's what that's supposed to be. I think I see where this is going. I like the sunbeams through the clouds, though.

That's a nice touch. Vietnam. The rice farmer. Yemen. I don't know. I guess we blew up in Yemen, too. Palestine. Wow. I mean, I guess Epstein Island.

Little white girl looking up into the sky. We blew up Epstein on the... Holy shit. This is what made it art. That... It was a... It was a cheesy political message until this little white girl on Epstein Island. That's so fucking... How could you not be on Iran side now?

The White House thinks they're the meme kings, but they're just not. This is way funnier than anything the White House has posted. Yeah, they said tacked button. No, no, no. No, no. Epstein Island. Save money on that feature. A little white girl.

Obviously, a little white blonde girl. Okay. And then, oh, and then Iran, okay. Oh, yeah, this would love the girl we killed. General Soleimani, the Ayatollah, and then a giant Iranian missile shooting up for the... Yeah, here's the missiles coming down on. Oh, it's a Statue of Liberty, but it has a bullhead. Like a pagan god.

One vengeance for all. Man. That is tight. That Those North Ireland should have made some shit like this. Right? Don't they look like a joke?

This is all AI. Yeah. I guess maybe Iran, how many AI guys do you think they have? They got a couple. They got a couple good ones that they haven't killed yet.

Yeah. They've been going after the wrong engineers. The AI atollah. I don't know how long this took, but... I want more. Yeah. I want more.

This is a good one. What else do you got? Can't you just upload that video to AI and just say, give more? Give me more. Well, our AI probably won't let you do it. Oh. But their AI, they got cracked AI from China. That's cool.

I'll let you make anything you want. Here's another. Here's another one. This one's okay. It's called Lord of the Straight. See, it's Irene. Oh, it's a, it's a geographical joke, I see.

Yeah. It looks cool, I guess. It's like MS. Paine. They're kind of like Israel's shooting missiles that I ran, and then... It's like one of those

fake game ads. Yeah, it is. Kind of like the fuck dude. If Iran were to post like a fake game ad like that, where the guys are shooting the things, that would be it.

That would be it. How do you... How do you knock it on board after that. And it's like Israel and the U.S. are the guys that are, you know, trying to keep the zombies back.

And they're fucking up. They're like missing the Bible or something. Yeah. Multiply or the Divide. The big one comes in. It smashes you and it goes defeated. Man. That would be it.

That would be. I've been getting a lot of Chinese game ads where it's like some big boss monster and then some asshole with all like you see his full inventory and it's just like plus a bejillion legendary items and then he goes up and does like so much damage you can't even see the monster anymore yeah and then he's still alive and then it's like oh look you killed him it's like well god damn like what kind of game is that we fucking extreme ass shit is this oh man we got to get a word to the the new iatollah somehow to make one of those fake game ads

but anti-america we need that ticot guy yeah we need to i'm gonna try to get a hold of that guy. Hey, tell Iran, you gotta make, ask Iran if they know about those fake game ads. Let's set up a Zoom call. If they do the one where you have to draw the line around the dog so the bees don't kill it. I fucking hate that. We both know about that shit, man. Come on.

I hate that dog. I hate those fucking bees. I hate the bees. Those fucking bees, man. I don't know how they bounce it out. Every time. I don't even get how they. game works. Vicious bees, man.

Can't you just draw a perfect circle around the dog? Dude, I want, yeah. I mean, you can't. That's, that would be Tel Aviv. There'd be like a little I mean, they don't even need to make assets. They could just grab the assets off fortune. Just use the merchant meme as the dog and then have, you're America and you keep trying to draw a golden dome around

it and all the Iranian drones get, right? Come on, Iran. Come on. If you're listening to me, you gotta pump out a dog getting stuck you gotta know about the dog getting stung by bees that is

that will really hit home here everyone everyone can understand that one everyone will really love that everyone you hate that dog I hate I fucking hate that dog man I always sitting at the bottom of some

irregularly shaped pit how to get down there what do you win if you keep the dog safe another level another level fucking piece of shit I'm a big asshole I fucking hate that dog man

and I fucking hate all these fake game heads I hate all this shit like fucking why god damn here's a surgeon twerking on the job that's cool I saw this one

you saw this one man like no offense but why would you go to the searchant that you don't have a choice? I would say, give me the fuck out of here. I'll drive home, thanks.

I'll just watch a howcast video on how to fix my kidney, thanks. Yeah, I'll let, I'll ask a neighbor to give it a shot. Cody! And now here's the nurses twerking?

What country is this? America? Our booty's all the bleak, waistline snap. Got a banging body and a smile to match. Yeah, I mean, it's a fat black one. and dancing to

while performing surgery. There's a scalpel. There's a body that's got that brown goo all over it. Well, it's crazy because, like, everyone knows that your phone is the dirtiest fucking thing in the world. Oh, yeah.

Why do you have your fucking phone out and a sterile environment? Are you sterile? Is this fucking person able to be sterile? An Atlanta-based plastic surgeon faced multiple malpractice lawsuits for negligence after she was dancing and singing while performing surgery. I don't think that's enough.

One of the lawsuits comes from a family that claim the doctor left their mother brain damage. Oh, my God. Was the mother also the doctor? Yeah. Oh, this guy has a version of this new story that's a little more incendiary language, I guess. My goodness. Okay. New York City to go dark after 11.

Oh, that's cool. That guy they put in there is going to make some changes. Passing a bill where the city goes completely dark after 11 p.m. Wow, that's super retarded. The goal is to save energy, avoid light pollution, and help migratory birds. Oh, that's great. What about migratory people? They're fucked.

Oh, you mean the criminals? Oh, right. Yeah, they're going to have a great time with all the lights out. Okay, something about. Idaho Tebow is back This time he's retarded Oh the ADL has launched a leaderboard

To rate multiplayer games For how well they combat anti-Semitism The lowest game was Counterstrike 2 Keeping the tradition alive And PubG Fortnite was in first place Hmm

Well who do you think Running up them micro-transactions That's how they're really Here's Tebow. He's, uh, it's called a night for, uh, a night for retarded people. If it was actually called that, I'd be, I'd be stoked. Tebow hosts a red carpet event called a night to shine. To celebrate an uplift individuals with special needs.

You know, I just really think we don't have time for this right now. Dude, this isn't the 90s. This is that same shit where those fucking, Horrible hags brought this retarded kid on a Good Morning America and we're like, so tell us more about how you had no friends and tell us more about how this great football guy used his clout to make himself look better. Yeah, seriously. That's all that this shit is.

When was the last time anyone talked about Tim Tebow? If a retarded guy is able to get a suit and show up to a red carpet event. He's doing fine. Yeah, I think he's all right. Yeah. I think there's plenty of people who'd have a rough time getting the funds together and taking the time off. to attend a Tebow red carpet event without getting some serious blowback from their wife. Right?

So let's think about who we're honoring here. Tebow. Look at me. I held a big event for these guys. I held a big event for people who can't even talk about it. So I'm the only one that could. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Right? Like you can't, like if you had a normal event, you'd piss somebody off, right? Or they would be able to talk about. about it. Yeah. But the retarded people, yeah, human shields. It can only go well for them.

Right. Doesn't matter how bad it is. Well, these retarded kids get to hang out with a football player. And this retarded football player gets to hang out with more of its own kind. There's like a paste fountain that everyone can dip crayons into.

Instead of the fondue fountain, it's just Elmer's glue. Oh, good. You dip crayon in it. And they're all drowning in it. I don't know why this pisses me off. Well, because it's just exploitation. Yeah.

Oh. Everyone's goofier than the last. Look at this fucking little guy. This guy's just in a wheelchair. Why is the carpet got a fold in it? Someone's going to trip over that. Wait, let me see. Look.

Someone's going to fucking trip over that. See, this is what I mean. But the retarded people are not going to say, like, this is a dangerous situation. Any normal person knows it's a tripping hazard. Any retarded person is going to trip over it and then read. and then fucking cause a berserk event. And it will be like, oh, you know, that's just what happens. Yeah, everyone turned into a bloody pulp at this party.

I don't know. Negligence. One guy lost his shit. That guy was just in a wheelchair. There's nothing wrong with them. Oh, great. They saved the fucking big one for last. This woman, that woman was just blind.

What the hell? She's just blind, a blind black woman. That's not a night to shine How does she even know if it's shining? Good question I don't know why Tebow's got to hype everyone up This is the new version of

They weren't hyping up They weren't hyped enough already Because what was his whole thing It was like you go in the end zone And you salute God or something like that He kneels down Oh right Like for God

Well so then what was the Kaepernick thing? Did they both? He just sucked at football And then it was racist Right. Well, I worked on the documentary that got canceled, but it was, no, because I never paid attention to any of it. It's like, wait, he just kneeled two and then stuck his fist up and then everyone was like. I think they both sucked a football. That was the problem. That was a real problem.

That was the real problem. But I don't really know. I don't follow football. I only follow retarded gala. Yeah. Retarded gala. Anyone could do this. I could host a retarded gala. you know next road rage dude retard rage a night to shine a rage to shine yeah mine would be more appropriate let's get in here we talk like them at this convention every we want everyone to feel equal they can't talk like us we have to talk like them that's the fucking the great equalizer look man if i don't wear my glasses crooked and try to pretend like i'm biting my ear off all night

am i really being it'd be more ableist if i didn't act like that you're going to make me a rate You know what made me Barry up that Can't we just have a night For normal guys Dude imagine the smoke alarm beefing in there For like more than five minutes And just someone flipping shit

Freaking out Yeah Well dude because I worked across The street from an adult daycare center Wow Every morning It was in like a business park And every morning I'd sit there

At the front desk Fire at my computer Give my coffee going and then you'd see the short bus drive up. You know, like, oh, breakfast and a show. Like, hell yeah, got my emails loading up. This was back when Windows 7 was still king. Right.

Great time. Dude, one time this fucking green mile motherfucker gets out of that fall and this, like, tiny little old ladies, like, leading him out. And then they get this guy coming off the wheelchair thing, and he's, you know, trying to bite the side of his face and do the whole thing, and he's dashing around. And Green Mile gets pissed and fucking just turns around and punches his helmet off. And I went, oh, shit.

So I'm like sitting lower in my desk because I'm like, man, this is a big window. Like if he sees me, he's just like, oh, like, I'm fucked. I can't run. Like, I can't pull up the warehouse door fast enough to get out of the back. I'm fucked. Dude, the cops showed up. EMTs showed up. And it was just like, damn, one little thing.

And no one can stop the guy. Yeah. And it's like, if you get a whole building full. these motherfuckers, dude, it's like... One little thing's gonna set them off. Dude, it's... I would be less terrified if it was like a room full of crackheads.

At least they're like, they stay in their own universe, but this, like, man, once that flame is ablaze, you're done. Well, nothing happens, sadly. Ugh. Okay.

Some comments. Hey, Dick, don't use my name. This Afro-Man case is how I imagine Maddox's lawsuit would have gone if it had made it to trial. Yeah, maybe. I guess it would have been pretty funny.

I think what ended up happening was a lot funny. We got soul ringers out of it. Yeah, oh, God, we got to watch some of that. Dude, Afro-Man's got to get out of town. Those cops, like, they're going to make a murderer out of him like Stephen Avery.

He's got to get out of there. Dude, if we get the Afro-dozer, I'm going to be so hyped. Red, white, and blue. It's just a kill machine. It's the kill dozer. over again except it's got a big afro and sunglasses the only difference woman alert Merry Christmas woman alert what do you got?

Woman alert uh there was a terrible accent during the women's Milan San Remo one it's a bicycle race okay uh oh oh I can see what's happening here didn't we Wasn't one of our inventions one time that it's a device for your car that when women go, ah, it stops the car. It like applies to emergency breaks, screen-based brakes, because I think I see what's going to happen here already.

Okay, a woman pile up on the bicycles. They got a little crash icon here. All right, thank you. Like it's a little Sega racing game? God damn. Holy shit. No.

Oh, Wasted. She's dead. Yeah. This one's dead. She fell off of the bridge. Oh, she's barely moving. She said, damn, I really fell off.

Oh, my God. Use the brakes right here. Or you know what, stop cycling. It's taken people this long, and they still haven't figured out. that bicyclers are pieces of shit. I saw somebody on Twitter this week. This guy was like, it's tough being a Jew in New York right now.

And this guy under him said, try being a cyclist. And then he posted the killings of it was Jews zero. Cyclist 74 or something like that. I saw that, dude. That's nuts. Okay, thanks for that. Stewdley says college cancellations are up big time What does that mean?

Yeah, that can be any number of things College cancellations are up big time Campus cancellations are a record high Oh, they're like deplatforming speakers and stuff Yeah Well Yeah Maybe I had a different

college experience, but never once did I think, wow, someone's going to speak? I better go see what that's all about. We've really just, oh, you thought I've never I'm going to go see what that's all about. Who wants to see people fucking speak, dude? I'm in college. I got homework to do and fucking beers

to drink, man. Yeah, seriously, if you go in those like we work things, they'll give you free lunch if you come listen to their talk on like whatever stupid sass they're building. And then it's like, wow, I'm So it's like... And the people there are like, big eye, like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, and how can I be like you? It's always a guy who has no motion in any industry he's talking about.

So he makes all his money selling courses. And it's like... And then you get all these wide-eyed assholes. They were like, oh, see, I really learned some... I got to go home and learn about ROI. It's like, get the fuck out of it. Like, everyone should the fuck up. It's just turned into like they've managed to find the two...

most triggerable groups in the history of the world, like trans and, you know, obviously on the other side. And then they just have talks. Now people can't help themselves. They can't help them. Like, that's all I want to talk about. I want to do a talk about men and women in the bathroom. And then it's like, ah!

You know, it's like, I want to give them talk about how the U.S. shouldn't kill kids for Israel. It's like there's nothing, there's no even point of the talks anymore. Right. that's all they're about oh yeah look here was the talks no music for genocide but yeah okay yeah got it that didn't so sad i'm sure like a ton of people didn't know about that that was happening man uh the university of texas removed an art exhibit after an anonymous tip so burn it all why is there an art exhibit at all there fuck art anyway fuck art oh cool your your hotel art canvas that's in three different gradients

really impressed me. Wow, I can't believe I'm going to spend 60 grand on this. Wow, I could see this in a holiday inn. Wow, I could be fucking Wichita. That's awesome, man, good art. That's great. Are you going to paint something on top of it or you're going to finish your work? The Catholic University of America rejected

requests from a campus chapter of students supporting Israel to host Randy Fine and Danny Terza. Who even gives a fuck? This is this is so dated. Yeah Like yeah no shit man

We need college cancellations And stop going to college That's what I want to see We need riots University of Southern Maine Terminated an agreement To host a one day conference The Consequence of Palestine

Okay is this all Or is the other side About the bathrooms Whatever Get the Contrary to popular belief You're not supposed to take baths in there It's for only shits

No playing in the toys in the toilet. No making fucking toilet paper, fucking water bombs and throwing them over in the handicapped stall. None of that. Um, uh, garbage.

All right. Old lady with a self-driving car. That's when he sent in. Okay. Go. Jesus fucking Christ. This 93-year-old has bound a new freedom after she bought a new Tesla with FSD.

She uses Grock navigation. A nice ad. Although she's always let's see here old lady tooling around no clue what's going on on our way to church let's see the ad that

slams her into the back of a fire truck on the freeway at 85 like that one guy who called it yeah oh dad lady mom you're doing a great job there right chungest shit

I'm not in her sharing oh she's gonna He's itching to interfere She gasped and the car stop It does stop here Busy warm day in Coronado So it's circling around looking for it Okay

That's why I can't fucking find parking in Coronado Is because of this shit Oh that pisses me off You gotta make these things illegal for old people That makes me so... We do Yeah, they don't deserve this shit Just out of spite Bitch you can't...

Nobody over 80 can get a full drive If you can't drive right What if she has to intervene at some point? I mean, it says she can drive. She cannot. She couldn't drive before she was 90. You telling me getting older, help, you're a better driver? Yeah, it's a woman.

What do you think? This is no more relying on others for every trip. No more feeling stuck. This is true mobility that can spark new adventures and still adventurous. It makes sense if it's on like a safari track, right? Okay, cool. Like autopia? Yeah.

Not like fucking... Not a real road. Not when I'm trying to fucking get a parking spot in Coronado. God damn it, man. It's tough enough to park. Now I've got to battle with people who shouldn't be driving for age and not for any other... Dicking around. Fighting with it.

Hey Dick, check this out. All right. What do you have? A chick-fil-a employee using a mechanical lift to throw away a single trash bag. That's cool, man. No one wants to get garbage all over their pants. No, it's called doing it right. Yeah.

He's using a single... This is what we were doing in 2026. Yeah, being awesome. Fuck that. I've taken the trash out, working a retail job. I wish it would have lasted 10 hours long. Dude. Be out there thrown trash bags away.

Hand-cranking it, too. That's so fucking... He's a hero. That's pussy shit. You should be grabbing fucking six trash bags six full trash bags at each end.

Go throw away the whole mall. You can go on a trash run for the whole mall. You show the whole fucking mall who runs the joint. Carry them out. Carry them out.

Carry them out. Carry them out. Like you're going in from your grocery hall, man. Take some pride. This is what I'm going to start doing with my groceries

and my wife asked for help. He'll lift them to the table. One bag at a time. Hang out the hand crank fork lift. God. Okay.

The sodas are in the fridge. What's next? I never thought I'd be at the point where I'm like Kuzuz are fucking soft but it's all this HR bullshit and it's like well you could get sued if you twisted if your employee twisted his ankle in his car when he went to go park in the parking structure. Yeah.

But that's on him like fuck that. I'm in no rush to throw this garbage away. This job needs a foreman someone needs to put on the hard hat and go what are we doing around here? Get the fuck back to you know we need someone to take that avatar Man. Erb Beta Patch says they do make neck guns, but unsurprisingly, they're not as cool or

effective as you want. Here's a female cop trying to use one. Oh, okay. Well. With Joshua refusing to stand down, backup arrives armed with a bolo wrap. Oh no. That's not a net gun. No. That's not a neck gun. No. Not the same. Or things spiral out of control. Why would they give a woman a bolow gun? There's no fucking way those work. Man Get on the ground Get on the ground His pants

His pants are already His pants are already around his ankles What's a bolo gonna do Just like Try and chase him Watch him run away and fall on his face Taze him yeah You're gonna get tased

You're fucking crap So this woman is Shooting a Bolo gun at A Bolo device Which takes two hands It looks like a kid's toy Yeah, looks like a Game Boy She's shooting at him

Grap! Get on the ground! What the what's the fuck is that? No, that's not real. Get the fuck out of here. Is that real? What the fuck was that? Is that a Ebola wrap?

That's, is that real? Let's see. Yeah. A thousand bucks per unit? Holy shit. It's an eight-foot Kevlar tether at 500 feet per second. You should have shot it right his eye

Yeah, around his neck Fucking hang him This is real? Wow Where does it actually shoot God, 20 minutes Like Yeah, come on man

Okay, there it's around him Oh wow Okay, I guess I'll come back later When this loads Point Yeah, let's see if we can make it out Any excuse to take the shirt off I don't know if it's gonna do anything

Your back's pretty wide man Thank you One Two Three God damn It works That's kind of

I'll comply officer Oh it fell Is it falling out? Yeah What Oh is it stuck in his skin Oh shit Ew

I free myself from this predicament I can't believe it Ow Fuck I was like I'm sorry I didn't mean So you shoot it at someone's pants And it like tangles their legs up

and sticks in their pants. Dude. What a dumb thing. I should have that in the NFL or something. Like, professional tag. Yeah. Bring back the American

tradition of fucking lasso fucking roping people. Yeah. That would at least... That would be great. You'd have to... It involves skill, and it would be fucking funny.

You just get someone right around the ankles and fucking yoink. Man, I would love to see somebody take one of those while running. Dude. Yeah Okay, it's real I think it's real

I just don't think the woman was supposed to shoot it around his stomach Okay That's the problem He's already standing still Let's apprehend him Bridget says So glad Maddox found love again I bet Chad is who he thinks of now

And he wants to smile Angelo's mom was asking the wrong co-host And who are you gay? The X-Men Wolverine meme of him laying on the bed looking at the picture and it's just Chad. Chad Culchin. Good luck sucker. Look at these two. Is this their fucking wedding photo? This is their this is their engagement photo. Did you see that? Good luck suck, dude. Wait, which one of them is the sucker? This is a gay wedding engagement photo.

He, I'll never tell. Who's the catcher? Maddox's rapper music video money came in. We were both the catcher. Tee-he. They're fanning themselves off like fucking, like cowboy-era fucking maidens or whatever.

Yeah. Oh, I declare. Lil'i von Stoop, yeah. Fucking. What is this shit? 250 views over 23 hours ago. Maddox, just like, Just do something different, man

I love knowing that we live in a world where it could be veto that's one of the ones selling them all the cards, but they don't know that they're buying it off of him. Do we watch this last time? The brackets? Yeah, okay, let's watch Good Luck suck. Welcome back to Soul Ringers. I'm Maddox. It looks like two roll-on deodorants

sitting next to each other. God damn. Are they like seeing who will not wear black first? It says two testicles falling out of your underpants. You're wearing black jockey shorts. Hey, does this look like there's brains stuck to my leg? Hey, buddy, I can see your testicles. Oh, those are my testicles.

I'm watching Soul Ringers. I'm watching, yeah. Starring Maddox and Chad Colchin. It looks like two nuts. Yeah. They shrunk the Soul Ringers logo, though, at least. It's like when you draw really hard onto one side of a piece of paper with pencil, and then you fold it in half and smear it a little bit and then open it up.

but now you got two. Scratch it. Yeah. God damn. You guys look exactly the fucking same. Gay. It's like when you choose two of the same character in a game and you get a slightly darker color color one. Like, new characters.

It's the same one as the other one. Yeah, this guy's just got jaundice. What the fuck? Sucks. And today we're going to be talking about secret layers. Okay. I missed the Maddox. Maddox's intro is my favorite part.

Hey, I'm Maddox. He should add, this is how I talk afterwards. I'm Chad. And today we're going to be talking about secret layers. Stop looking at Chad, Maddox. Stop fucking looking at him. Welcome back to Soul Ringers. I'm Maddox.

You don't need to look at him every time he talks. Yeah. Well, again, if they sat across from each other and had a normal conversation, That makes sense. But to... I'm gonna count their looks. It's like trying to look at someone when you're driving.

Yeah. And you're talking to the passenger and you have to keep like acknowledging that you're talking to them even though you've been talking to them the whole fucking time. I guarantee you, Chad, knows that you're looking at him too much.

He can see you out of the corner of his eye. You'd think Maddox would be staring straight into the camera so he could see, or at least the playback monitor. Like the fucking news people aren't always looking at each other. And tonight's news,

uh? Who would look weird. Okay, Maddox, one. Chad, and today we're going to be talking about secret layers. Two, already's already looking at him again. Do you love them? Secret layers didn't get a sound effect? Do you not know what they are?

Looking at him again. Why? He didn't give him like a... Because if you don't... Look at him again. You'll wind up like me and just buy everyone that they advertise to you in your email. Jesus Christ, dude. Are you serious?

Again. One that they advertise to you in your email. Secret layer from my understanding, we're not experts in this. Again, again. But like I said, I am an expert in buying them. It started in 2019. Looking at them again. It was a way for Magic the Gathering to put out new versions of cards that had different

art with artists they had never worked with. Eventually, the very next year, it became a way to introduce universes beyond. So if you have a problem with Universes Beyond, technically, you got a problem with Secret Lay. Because that's where it came from with Walking Dead in 2020. They were definitely soft launching universes beyond with Secret Layer. They were testing the waters to see how fans would react to it. And by and large, I think that fans were stoked about it. They were really excited.

Nine? They viewed these as bonus cards. Jesus Christ! How far are we in the video? Zero looks from Chad. Notariously perfect. Like right before COVID. Yeah, exactly.

They're staying stuck at home. They're getting back into TCG games. They're staying home. They're playing with their friends. They have nothing else to do with like the perfect timing for Wizards. Rick Grimes is dead on the TV show at that point. Or at least we- Okay.

He got one back. 13 to 1. Man. Stop looking at Chad Maddox. He's still there. You can hear him talking. They're talking about good. Good luck suck on the hole ringers, man.

That's fucking bugged out. That's fucking crazy. Talking about good luck sucks. On whole ringers, man. Welcome to hole ringers. We're talking about. Good luck suck.

Tune in next week to see how which one of us enjoyed it. Shrink the logo more. Still not shrinked enough. You can see your fucking stupid shirts. Stupid arms. What does this look that they're sharing? Wait, how far apart are each other do you think?

They're barely like arms with the way, yeah. Look at this. Their knees have got to be touching. Their knees have got to be touching right here with the share button is. I like to think that Maddox is sitting up. His top half is straight, but that his like underneath is like legs across. His legs are definitely not straight. His legs are in Chad's lap the whole time.

Like he's sitting like a marionette or a ventriloquist dummy. Look at these two. Believe that he is. So now you can get Rick Grimes in card form. This is 14. This kind of might take on secret layer. I don't mind that it exists. He's looking at the ceiling the whole time.

He's looking at the ceiling. And I actually like, Oh my God, dude, I can't take it anymore. 15 looks. That's crazy. Chad's looking at the ceiling. Like, man, like when can this be over? Like, when can this be over?

No cocks on the ceiling. Yeah. Look over there. No cocks over there. whose house were they doing it at do you think fucking Liza Minnelli's house Shiza Minnelli's house

dude Yeah hell yeah This show sucks guys This is a That's the best show Why did you put all this shit It's just two guys hanging out man They're eating lunch one day

And they're like Chris May Maddox I see you pop up from time to time on YouTube over the decades you're a great content creator. I'm surprised you haven't considered podcasting sooner. 10 years ago, you could have started something and this would have been great to follow,

but it's never too late. You have a good radio voice, and with a co-os, you guys really put together one-of-a-kind podcast. Someone would say it's the best out there. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. That's good, Chris World. A little too much audio compression here,

You guys sometimes sound like you're in the Twin Peaks Black Lodge. Yes, definitely comment on the audio. Definitely have like bad constructive feedback for the audio. That'll drive him insane. I rarely buy secret layers, but I just recently did an opening on my channel for the TMNT stuff, but I am a fan boy. Do you think Maddox will reach out to Sean before either of us does?

Well, bring back. the banana. Jake Fancy. That's a man of the people right there. That's someone who knows what the people want. Oh yeah. Jake Fancy. Bring back the banana.

All caps. Dude, even if Maddox was in a banana costume and Chad was in a cowboy outfit, that would count too. Yeah, that would be good too. The cowboy who doesn't want to be there, the banana that's way too excited to be there. Dave, AI porn. I have a younger buddy. That's 21 and is currently getting ousted from his friend group because he made AI deep fake videos of girls he knows in sexual scenarios.

You think he's getting ousted from his friend group? He didn't post the videos anywhere or show anyone. Why would that? Then how the fuck do they know? He's a sicko because he's out here bragging about it. But his girlfriend went through his phone. and found them and told everyone. He didn't have his phone locked?

What an idiot. Man, the fucking, you can't just sit there and like, well, you got to save it? You can't just sit there and be like, generate. He saved it in his phone roll, in his photo roll? Devious work. This is a weirdo, man. I bet this is an Android user we're talking about, I'm sure.

You don't want this guy around. I'm guessing that it's because he's from a generation that views men and women as people. peers and there's a bunch of girls in his friend group what the fuck are you talking about back when i was his age i'm 36 our core friend group was dudes and chicks were an afterthought i.e. an extension of said dudes guys set the tone and we would have just laughed something like that off uh no we wouldn't not 45 we wouldn't just laugh that off it'd be fucking it'd be fucking weird if someone was cutting out out the head of a girl you know

and pacing it on a bunch of porn. I'm 36. And that's fucking weird, man. Yeah, that's fucking weird. Interested in your take. It's fucking weird. It's fucking weird to save it. You could imagine it.

That's normal. That, to me, okay, is the craziest part, right? Like, you can't... Like, what's the fucking meme about, like, can you imagine Apple and just, like, rotate it in your head or whatever? Yeah. Like...

You needed a computer... You needed to write it down? Yeah. You had to type it out because you couldn't just close your eyes. Yeah, that'd be pretty nice. It's fine, but, you know, I don't want your weird ass around here. Man. What else are you doing?

That's what it is. That's weird. It's like the point of having friends is... To bully them out of being weird. Yeah. And when they do weird shit, you get rid of them. Get the fuck out of here. That's infixably weird.

Yeah. That's too weird. Yeah, unfixably weird is like... It's not like do whatever you want. If you're looking, that's called religion. You can go have, go to, that's called AA. You can go be whatever you want, do whatever you've fucked up things you want, and those people will always be your friend forever, because they're losers.

This guy bought me a fucking ibuprofen one time. I'm going to fight for, I'm going to defend him with my life. I'll kill for him. Yeah. Yeah, otherwise. Hey man, you don't know Terry's backstory. Fuck you. In normal land, it's like, oh, you're doing weird stuff?

That's fine, but get out of here. Yeah. I don't want to. I don't know you doing weird shit around me. Take that weird shit and go be weird somewhere about it. Yeah, go on Discord with that weird shit. Don't be weird around me. We got to make black Discord that's called Dat's Cord.

Or Discord and dat chord. There you go. Yeah, dat cord. Back when I was his age. Well, how old is he? Oh, he's 21? Fuck. That screams Android behavior like a motherfucker.

Man, what is it like being 21 and you're making AI? Well, how much AI porn did he have? Any amount is weird, yeah. Any amount is weird, but if you had a couple, you're like, I just tried it out. AI porn of people you know. Weird. That's weird.

Crazy. Fucking crazy. Did his girlfriend see it and go, like, why is she sending you nudes? And then, like, oh, it's AI. Fucking superimposed me. Yeah. Well, the question then remains is how ugly was his girlfriend? Fat.

Fuck. What if he was AI and his girlfriend skinny? That's fine. That's funny. That's funny. Pure comedy. Yeah. That?

Why are you in a friend group with girls if you're like making AI porn of them then? Just to fuck them? Just weird. Why are you like subjecting yourself to being around women that you want to fuck but you can't. It's masochistic. Weird behavior. Yeah, it's a weird behavior.

It's like a... See, again, you gotta go outside in the backyard and break down a bunch of fucking bricks with a fucking sledgehammer until the sun goes down. Yeah. Use a fucking...

Use a digging bar and dig out all this rock hard fucking dirt. Advice, time sensitive. Hey, what's up gamers? Toyota Matt here. Basically, I'm banging this trans guy. I'm not allowed to say the next word that was going to come out of my mouth on this show because it was going to be a very long drawn-out version of it too

What does that even mean? I'm banging a trans guy A woman Found our sissy tag team over here I'm banging a woman Okay Fucking fucking 32 DDD Okay so it's a

it's a woman that's oh god what a fucking nightmare women having any hobbies is annoying imagine their hobby is that they're a man whoa talk about annoying skinny great body like three weeks on testosterone 20 years old get the fuck out of here is this real but

her but sherm has an appointment to cut off titties in two weeks. How do I convince this bitch to keep the tits on? Get a sex change, easily. You get a sex change. Yeah. Say you're going to go cut your dick off. Make the appointments and stuff.

No. Come in there. See how she feels about that. I don't think Shim is, okay, this is a comedy routine. I don't think she's even that dysphoric. I just, oh, just self-conscious and being a woman about them. Yeah, I think that's kind of part of it. Women hate having attention.

Well, women hate other women so much that sometimes they end up hating themselves. It's true. When they recognize, wait a second, I'm a woman too. Fuck. It's true. Being a woman about them because they're flat and you can roll them up like a fruit by the foot. He's pretty much in love with me. First actual guy she's ever been with.

And we've fucked multiple times. So I've got trust on my side, but I can't quite figure out how to convince him to not mutilate those perfect tits. How do I save these fucking honkers? I need a game playing immediately. Fuck yourself and shout out to Silo. P.S. shout out to the tag teaming sissies guy. Epic Bacon.

Oh, that's... See, he's right there. Jackats. What an asshole. Here's your solution, dude. Yeah. Go build a car. Yeah.

That's your solution for everything. It's called do something other than what you're doing. That's my ultimate solution. Really? Something else. Totally change what you're doing. Yeah. All right.

What do we got? You got good stuff too. You don't you have a... I got some good ones. Yeah. Let's see what we got. Patreon.com slash a dick show. Cut their tits off.

Still happening. You got to call in a... Call something in. Yeah. And anti-Semitism. I'm not going to say a bomb threat because that's illegal. Calling an anti-Semitism threat. Yeah.

That's probably illegal. Probably true. So, Dick. So, Johnny. Yo. You know, it turns me off or makes me ready or whatever is, like, when you know better not to go do someone's hobby with them. Because the second you do this fucking hobby with them, they turn into a drug dealer. And they want to, like, sell you or, or, you know, whatever, give you their old, old,

old shitty shit they did hobbies with. And also, like, this shit's so, like, all these fucking hobbies are so expensive. And I feel like it's all, like, hobbies are, like, invented by boomers to, like, not watch their their grandkids and feel good about it. Because they're like, oh, well, I'm not out partying, like,

these young people. I'm not out, like, you know, doing stupid stuff or whatever. But, uh, but, yeah, it's just, it's just like, they turn it, like, people turn into a drug dealer. The second, oh, I've got these more magic cards. You want to buy the extra magic cards? You want to buy, oh, I got a, I got to stuff for, you want to buy them?

Like, here's, there's like $1,000. You're gonna do a podcast on me about magic? Sit next to each other. I went on, I went and did this stuff because I just want to be a good friend or whatever. You didn't mean, but it's not, fuck hobbies. Fuck hobbies. A real hobby is like smoking cigarettes.

Or, like, joking or something. Yeah. What's your hobby? I like smoking cigarettes. It's cool. Anyway, it's go fuck yourselves. Peace out. Also, he's got, I'm with him on that.

Because every time you get into something, right? They're like, well, you know, It happens in the audio world all the time. They're like, I'm selling these really rare EQs. And it's like, why are you selling them? It's like, because you fucking can only use them on one thing. I'm not paying eight grand for that shit. Fuck you.

But the other thing, though, is I don't know about your grandfather, Dick, but at least for my grandparents, smoking cigarettes, drinking Budweiser in the garage, working on something, whether fixing something, or just listening to music. sitting there looking like you're about to fix something. You need to be in the garage away from the wife and the kids and everybody. This is your domain where you get to say whatever it is you're fixing or building or doing whatever. That's fine. But ultimately you're out there smoking cigarettes and drinking all day.

That's what it is. So that is the real hobby. It's just that whatever comes out of it is a buy product. I'm going to have them move my crappy Airbnb air into the garage. Yeah. So I could be out there all. I can sleep out there. Dude,

old school it, man. Yeah. The thing is, is we don't have the fucking solid garage doors anymore. It's all the roll-up ones.

Oh, I need the solid one. You need the solid one that you can wiggles around. Yeah. That you can pop up with a stick. Yeah.

Just so that you can get enough airflow. I don't like pressing twice. That's stupid. Too digital. And yeah. It's just like a quick time event. I hate it.

Yeah. Too much. I'm going to put another layer of epoxy in there so I can get to VOC's nice in my, in my, in my brain. And see, that's the thing

you can always count on with smoking cigarettes or drinking beer. It's always going to be the same shit. You don't have to like, well, if you like this cigarette, you got it, it's like,

no, no, no. These are the cigarettes that are like, this is what I'm smoking. Fuck you. What's up, Dick? What's up, Johnny? I'm calling in.

I think you guys are recording an episode right now, but I just finished last week's episode just now. And that guy who called in to leave a voicemail

about his mom, who's going to therapy. That's just fucking insane. Like, does he know what show he's listening to? Why would you call into the dick show? Talk about your mommy issues. I think he's going to therapy. You're 30 years old, bro.

That's fucking embarrassing. Yeah, this guy gets it. That's it. I don't even understand what mom issues are like for a man. Like, wait, a what? A what is the, yeah. A what? Your mom's going to therapy?

What is you, 50? It's over. It's not time. for therapy. It's time for a fucking grave. That's no time to fix it. Look, if that guy who called in about his mom going to therapy didn't get a pack of wife beaters and a few pairs of cargo shorts and some high socks, he's fucking up. And some Arnettes and Osiris D3s, yeah. Can you imagine you're a fucking 55 year old woman going to therapy? What fuck do you talk about? Oh, I fucked up my black and white TVs were? My son's

retarded. What do I do about it? What do you even You forgot stuff you should feel bad about at that age? Yeah. What do you guys talk about? What's the plan? What's the game plan for fixing you at that age? None. Nothing. Getting kicked in the head by a mule.

Ain't that a kick in the fucking head, man. It's too fucking late. It's too late. Your problems are forgotten. Long forgotten. The one, you know, the ones your whole non to. She doesn't give them a fuck. She hasn't give them a fuck about them. They can't fix new

fucked up kids. They're not fixing you. No. Those people are all dead. All the people you're mad at are dead. So, dig them up, drag them around. Doesn't matter. Or, retard max, and just go nonverbal. Start grunting everywhere. Hey, Richard. Did you refresh my memory?

What did you have been talked about? I mean, we all know that What the fuck was that? What is this? Telling girls. Take the smugness down. A girl brought in. The problem with apologies is that they are emotional manipulation because if you're apologizing to them, you're making it all about your self.

Yeah, usually. You're telling the person's wrong. Oh, I feel so bad. Let me tell you how bad I feel about this way that I wronged you. You almost never hear a good apology. Almost never. It's rare. But was it you that gave like another reason for why... Because whenever I...

It fucking annoys me. It girls apologize to me for literally anything. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Apologizing for nothing is the... I'd rather have a non-apology for something that is fucked up than an apology for nothing. But you know, they did something wrong. They don't fucking apologize.

Yeah. So help me out here. What was you that talked about why it's bullshit? Well, it is bullshit. I can't remember. Don't be back. Like, you never hear like, oh, sorry I did this. It didn't inconvenienced you.

I'll try not to do it again. That's pretty much it. It's all whatever needs to be. But you'll get like, oh, sorry that it rained today. Like, okay, well, that's not really. I wasn't upset that it rained. I was upset that you shit in my mouth. Sorry that it fucking rained.

That's not really under your control. Unless it is, though. Were you in control of the ring? So what are you not telling me then? What the fuck? It's like exhausting. Having to go through, when people apologize, you're just mentally making a list of all the things

they're either blaming on you or saying that you're upset by and avoiding what you're actually upset by. So I'm in the no apology necessary. side. No, it's just too exhausting. It's not something that we're not evolved. We understand that apology is out there. Like, you know, warp drive. We understand that maybe it's possible, but we're just not sophisticated enough as a species to harness this technology of, sorry, I did that, it had a negative impact on you. I'll try not to do it again.

Not getting into like the psychological reason. Well, the reason I did it is that's not necessary and it's also presumptuous to think either, you know, why you did it or that I would care. I think I know why you did it, but that's irrelevant. Yeah. It's usually this is you're a big asshole. You're a big asshole. That's why you did it.

Yeah. Either you're going to go too far into the, this is why I did it, or not far enough. Yeah. I don't want to hear, I'm not interested in either one. Just turns into a fucking AA meeting. Yeah, go to AA. Let them know. You guys can talk about it all fucking night.

Asshole alcoholics. did. Asshole anonymous. Fucking apologizers anonymous meeting. I apologize today and he wouldn't listen. I really wanted to explain for 10 hours why I did the thing. I wanted to walk him through the decision and it took, you know,

I'm 36 years old and it would take 36 years to explain the progression of events that led to me doing that thing that slightly inconvenienced you. You didn't want to hear that. Like the 36 chambers of Wu-Tang, man. It's just exhausting. I don't care. Yo, dig a Johnny.

Dude. You know what makes, you know what, what pisses me off? And it pisses me off, but it mostly like makes me fucking scared. Tight. Is,

when you're typing on your phone, it's got the fucking cordy, you know, it's got the cordy fucking configuration keyboard. Cordy? The word like, the way that those fucking letters are, uh,

near each other on the, on the keyboard, I'm constantly typing like And I like missed by a little bit And it feels like the fucking K The do is All right No you're not

He's doing that on purpose You're doing it on purpose It's totally even middle finger is slipping He's like well I've never typed the word bigger Into my phone I can't imagine I always used to word larger Anyone who knows me I say greater

He's got an anti His keyboard is possessed by Roll doll Oh yeah Anni-Semitic keyboard Swapping it on them Robo doll Is AIing into my computer Fucking roll dolls

In there again Fucking More of a rolled gold Fan Rolls gold The pretzels Yeah You're so fucking full of shit

How long was this voicemail A minute and a half Of that bit Too long because he couldn't say it he was going to say the word and then he couldn't say it alright let's find your

you know what I want now Oh Johnny's brain Oh man Dick What do you got This is the importance of having friends All right

Okay Seems to be Uh All right Hey what's that worldwide How's I'm doing today. Oh, but I'm doing good,

Arna? What is this? Mushmouth? What is this? It's a What I assume? Rejected Cosby kid? Is a fucking autistic guy

who's pretending to be Mickey Mouse, I think, because he's always checking in on the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and they're all somehow like good friends with him. That's why I'm like... So he's doing a sketch

where he's Mickey Mouse coming in to check on what... I don't even think it's a self-insert, I think. Because all of his things are like... Okay, let's watch it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm doing good on this.

I appreciate you. Oh, you... I thought it's all okay to give my watch. I'm doing good, earnest. Mm-hmm. Okay, cool, cool. You guys have a warm foot there. All right?

Oh, the fucking chest bump on the way out. It fucking gets me. How's the one doing today? Oh, I'm doing good honest. Oh, yeah, I'm doing good earnest. I praise your job. Oh, yeah. I thought it's all okay.

To get my mom. I'm doing good, Ernest. Okay, cool, cool. You guys have a warm for there. All right? Hey, what's that, Bob? How's the one doing today? Oh, I'm doing good, Ernest.

I'm doing good, Ernest. I praise your job. You motherfuckers need friends. I'm doing good, Ernest. Who's that one? Who's this one? Is that supposed to be Minnie? Or Mickey.

Because they're all calling him Ernest. That's his name. Ernest goes to the Mickey Mouse Club. dude. Is this the Netflix Ernest? Yeah. Blurnist.

Blurnist scared stupid. Flurnist scared of books. What the fuck? So this is Mickey. Yeah, I guess so. The first one then. The first one was supposed to be, oh, I don't know. Fuck.

Now I'm completely. Okay. This guy's name is Ernest. And much like his name, he's being earnest. Which is the unfortunate part. I guess the first one foot there. All right? Yeah, because I guess the first one is Mickey Mouse, right?

Why did he move the camera? He slammed the door too hard. The intro and the close of the sketch. He filmed it in chronological order, yeah. Okay. Hey, what's that, Bobai? How's I'm on doing today? That is Mickey.

What the fuck then? This is Mickey. But he doesn't have the shroud around him. I'm doing good on. I'm doing good on this I appreciate you I appreciate you Like if he didn't talk like that

He's wearing a goofy he's wearing goofy ears Some foghorn leghorn mask Appreciate you Goofy didn't say that When was Goofy ever appreciative Shinia There's a lot of things missing here I'm doing okay

I'm doing okay Thank you very much Oh okay That's a pretty good Donald Wait then who's a lot is this asshole is this like one of the country bear jamboree motherfuckers what is this minnie's hair why does oh is it minnie except the shroud yeah it's got to be a girl because he's sassy yeah okay cool cool you guys have a woman for that what are you doing checking in on him for

these are his boys man that's his friends oh yeah or mickey stuff all right Mickey Mouse in today. Mickey Miles, how about you shut the freaking man? How, man? Oh, that's more. What the hell did you freaking say to me? Baillock Coofy, I didn't say anything, pal.

That was freaking Donald. What? What's your... Muckie Mouse? I think it... Bro what the hell? Maki Mouse, I knew it was you, man. Stop trying to blame Donald, you freaking scary cat.

Bollock Coffey, I'm not scared of you. You really think I'm scared of you, pal. Oh, huh? Pause. I ain't no little rat. You shut your freaking map. A wrong way. Slapsed in the wrong way.

The cut has a wrong slap on it. No, this guy's brilliant, man. This lacks the wholesomeness. Well, that's the thing is, like, from my understanding, it's like this autistic kid basically working out all the domestic. that happened in his household through Mickey Mouse characters which makes it like really dark

what is that dude where is this person located so I can never go there in Disneyland man the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse where else would he be dude how else could he check in on him so easily

oh yeah y'all don't kill them and let's take the fries off on my man oh yeah I'm kind of goofy fake what the fight do you sign the way there's a lot of like he's gonna start fights

yeah it always into the fight yeah yeah I see okay what is next let's I forget what oh getting a pig out of mud I'm sure you've seen this by now if you haven't

somehow this big fat guy gets stuck in the mud so they have to tow him out with a truck one two three we're late

wait The leg He's got to kick his feet But the problem is If you notice Because they're trying to His pants are around his ankles So it's like a fucking drag parachute

Trying to get him out So he's covered in mud With his fucking meat out In front of a whole fucking Oh my God He really did get stuck And nobody could move his feet His pants

His pants around his leg Yeah, he was trapped. Yeah, I'm sure he was totally trapped. Now the rescue guy's trapped. Here, give me that stick so I can beat this idiot with it. But, dude, he's still laying there stuck in the fucking mud, man. What an asshole. He's got to wiggle his feet around.

It's the leg kicks that did it for me. That's the fuck. Keep wiggling. Get wiggling. Yes, sir. Keep wiggling. Like, the only way you can redeem yourself after that is you have to go kill yourself. His pants are stuck on because his shoes are on probably.

Yeah. The fucking. Jesus Christ, that is grim. Okay. Okay, so here's what is going on in India? Oh, all right. It looks like speakers and vo-voos. bunch of trumpets set up. Yeah.

It's like a Mario extra level, bonus level. Definitely hit the audio on this one. God damn it. Is he jacking off? Yeah. So he's jacking off on top of the speaker. And then look at this guy. He's eating the con. What the fuck?

The guys in the audience is doing reverse hand job. I was like, yo, what the fuck? This is the Battle of the bands, India edition. Two guys doing jack off. set to EDM music badly amplified

it's not even EDM it's like IDM for Indian dance music Oh yeah It's fucking yeah It's like the slow jerk bit From whitest kids you know

Yeah They could make This could be indie Like real art Could come out of there About like Oh well it is real art Yeah

Jackoff displays We can couldn't get away with this, but they could. It's the Kama Sutra bass boosted edition. I love the evil eyes on it, too. Those eyes need to jack off. So they put all this stuff up

and then played the worst music ever made through it? Yeah, and everyone gets hyped. All the guys get... It's just fucking nothing but dudes sitting around on each other's shoulders. Look at him, he's hyped. He's like, yeah, I'll suck it. Yeah, it's like, yo. This is a...

This is a music totally devoid of sexuality. This is what it sounds like when I've been hung over for day two. Yeah. This is what I'm going to see from now, and he's got some kind of virtual reality jackoff goggles. I didn't even realize that at first. This is a Burning Man type festival over there? Why are these guys recording it? What are they recording this for?

So they can remember it, dude. A hundred people recording this event. Oh, these were. weird fuchs are also jacking off. Look at this. It's just jack off fucking city, dude. And I'm like Detroit Jack City, man. I'm like, this is fucking crazy. It's new Jack City, actually. New Jacking off city. Okay. And then can we stop with user generated ads? Okay. So this, so here's a lady. Now, do you know what user generated ads are? I mean, it's self-evident? It's self-evident. Okay. So here's this promoting a hairbrush. Okay.

And what do you think is going to go wrong, Dick? I think she's going to burn her hair. Oh, you got, I think that's a great guess. Keep watching. POV. Okay, already wrong. You bought the viral dead-end trimmer and now you look human again. But what the fuck is that little monster? My hair certainly feels healthier. Whoa. Do you can't be talking about looking human and then? Amazing.

Come on. You look human again and then... And then here comes fucking Sloth Jr. From the fucking Goonies. Okay. That's the end. That's the end. I don't want to see that person again.

Takes a lot of courage to talk about looking human and have your kid walk up on camera looking like that. I feel bad about those things now. Right, yeah, that dude, it's different. I don't like seeing them. Dude. I like the jacking off one. That's funny. That was even funny.

That's fucked, right? Like, why are you putting your kids and fucking something you're going to make 10 cents off of? What the fuck? Just reshoot it. Just do another take. Okay, that's it. Goodbye, everyone. Bye, everybody.

Join Ray Ray's Vito drawing festival. I don't know what it is or when it is, but I know that it's happening right now. Everyone's drawing pictures of Edo right now. I love it. It's great. See, here's some of the pictures that they're drawing. Isn't it wonderful?

It's wonderful. They're having a good time. They're having fun. Everyone's having a good time. Okay, goodbye. Everybody.