The Dick Show - Episode 508 - Dick on Quitting Social Media

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

The Quartering quits Twitter, Spencer Pratt for mayor, the first Black transgender quadriplegic fashion model speaks out on oppression, the remains of the Titanic sub idiots, and movies about women; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

It says viewers waiting. What do you think? You think that's right? Should you do the Michael Jackson thing and just make him wait for like an hour? And then just like come out and snap. What does he do again? He like turns his head and then everyone like loses their minds. Was he really a pedophile?

I don't think so, man. EBS says he's a pedophile. EBS usually knows these sorts of things. He's a pedophile. It would be a lot more victims though, wouldn't there be? Like Jimmy Seville, he was a pedophile, and then it turned out that he raped more people than Genghis Khan. He raped more kids, you know? Thank God kids can't get pregnant or else there would just be hundreds of thousands of Jimmy Seville running around.

Micro babies. Micro babies. Muppet babies. Micro babies. Right? Thank God they can't get pregnant. That's fucking. crazy. There'd be so many Jimmy Seveals.

That says live now. Let's see if we're talking about gross stuff. Of course. That's what it takes to get. I can't hear it. Oh yeah, could you? Yeah. It's working.

It's working, thank God. I look bigger than normal. Fat or sure, but... Oh, here, pause the... Oh, thank you. I would have done that for two hours. Make everyone think they're going insane. Yeah, thanks a lot, Rumble.

Thanks for another dynamite production tool that you have for freedom. Wait, do you still have to use this fucking thing then? Well, that's for here. The Airbnb air is for this room. Oh, I thought you were going to get... The household unit, too. No, because this is like, it's also under the house.

So I don't want to... Part of the house, though. It's not. Especially not where taxes are concerned. and this is not the studio is not part of the house oh right the square footage of the studio is not included in the house look at this beautiful it's still beautiful even the next week look at that oops complimentary i think shit i used to look that good i don't look that good anymore should have enjoyed that i should have used that to better my station in life but i didn't i think the same thing about myself every fucking day man if only i would have worked harder and

applied myself. I'll make sure my son, someone tells my son, he got to work hard, actually. Turns out that's not just for, I'll say the word, though. It's not just, yeah, turns out it's not just a boomer platitude. The Gravedigger sent me a boomer doom clock when all the boomers will be dead. Let me see if I can pull that up. The Grave digger was listening and sent that in. Awesome.

Yeah Because I was saying Hey can we just get like a date When all the boomers are dead So that we can Know when our lives can begin Free of their Tyranny of stupidity

It's Reclamation Day, dude Reclamation Day I take America back again The day that Yahoo News announces It's going out of business It's still When their last customer dies Wait Yahoo's still up

Dude it's boomer fucking Central Yahoo News. They love it. My dad sends me I'm like, where do you even find Yahoo News? He's got a working time machine? That's insane.

Don't you get Apple news alerts? How you find Yahoo News? You don't just check Twitter? What the fuck? Oh, no, he doesn't have Twitter. Thank God. No Twitter. Let me find this boomer doom clock.

He'd be like Dick, can you believe this? These guys are all idiots. I wonder how my dad would quit Twitter He'd have to die for that He doesn't seem like a Twitter quitter But if he did Supposing he did Look at this, the boomer extinction curve

That's what the funeral industry calls it This is what I need Okay The Boomer Extinction Curve says Most likely scenario This is actuarial tables to see when the boomers are going to die off and we can we can live at peace we don't have to regurgitate the same slogans to each other every day like a like a like a like a black people

handshake you know slap slap slap slap slap they come at each other oh stitch in time saves nine oh well you know the joy of property ownership the joy of ownership you know what they say you know what they say. You know what they say? Put it on their tomb's down. You know what they say? Well, you know what they say. Most 66 million Americans born between 1946 and 1964, last survivors will be gone by 2075. Man, I got to get, I got to live to be 95 to get rid of all the fucking boomers. That's fucking a long time. Dude, I'm not gonna make it. I need to start mainlining peptides or something. I need to start doing something to counteract the drinking and the not working out anymore. Maybe I should start working out anymore. Today, 66 million alive, half gone by 2043, 33 million remain. They're gonna own all the houses on Earth, in the universe probably. 75% of the boomers gone by 2050. I could probably hit 2050. I could hit 2050

16 million will remain Look at this curve Wee It's like a ski slope Wee Goodbye I love the ages 110 through 112

Because you know some fucking You know They're gonna hang the fuck on And be like You know I'm actually the last Dude they're gonna like That's gonna be the most They're gonna invent like an immortality pill

And then they're gonna like Pass a law that only they could have it And they're gonna have some fucking saying Why that Imagine being King Boomer, dude. The last of them. Maybe some kind of cult will develop around them, around their jet skis and their RVs.

There'll be one Boomer left, and he'll own every RV that there is. A faded Hawaiian shirt and Steely Dan Revival. And every show on Netflix will be dedicated to him. It'll be, he'll write a 100-book biography. Yeah. Just a fucking goal collection. Stream of consciousness.

Shitting out. Fucking damn it. Yeah, it's all one idea, too. Yeah, there will be just a whole team of satellites and AI agents. Just like tripping over themselves to cater to this one fucking moron that has, that has $50 trillion in their social security budget every year. The landlord of the world. The GDP, not a single country will have a GDP the size of the last boomers social security. God, fucking.

And, uh, what's it called? Not petition. You know, the retirement fund. Yeah. That's it. That's so fucking annoying that we have to hang on that long just to get rid of. I know, man. I don't like that this exists, Gravedigger.

I thought it would be sooner than this. I thought it'd be like next week. Yeah, I was like at least like five years, right? I got to be 95 before there are no boomers left. I'm never going to make it. At least my son will make. Thank God I waited so long to have my son. He only has to be, he only has to be 50.

So he'll be slightly older than me when all the boomers are dead. And he'll feel, he won't even know why it feels so good that day. when the last fucking homer Killei fucking King Homer the last boomer kicks a bucket a wave of relief freedom will wash over the earth

most people won't feel it because all the Indians will be they're actually the Indians that are now like 20 or probably the next boomers they kind of act like it fuck so he won't even get to enjoy it Corvette driving Indians

yeah talking shit talking like they just it's a it's a a couple generations behind India. So they just learned about annoying slogans. Like annoying that you can

constantly tell each other. They just learned about that. Like, you know, you know what they say. Like, don't. You guys just learn about that, huh? And so it begins. Hey, Johnny, thanks for getting my wife a Mother's Day card.

You're welcome. Make sure you tell her it's from both of us. It did. I wrote, He even wrote that it's from the baby and the dog, too. Oh, yeah. No, that makes it look like you just threw that in as a joke. You got to seriously write, by the way, this is from Dick 2.

He also, he asked me to pick up this card. Don't fucking write the whole story down so you don't laugh if you're telling it. You got to write it down on the card. Otherwise, I look like a huge asshole. Well, you know I guess I will also look like a huge asshole When you hear how I acquired that card Okay, how'd you acquire it?

The people who lives in the apartment before me Fucking got a mail there And I was like, what the fuck is this? So I opened it in and it goes Three Mother's Day cards, what the fuck? Wait, three? Yeah It was, there was, you gave her three Mother's Day cards?

There was one, but there was a pack of three of them And I was like, oh shit Just a pack of Mother's Day cards arrived in the mail for you? Well, addressed to someone else. They weren't signed or anything? No. Why would someone order that?

Oh, they ordered Amazon cards and you're like, well, I can't let these. They're going to go to waste. Exactly. What am I going to do? Hold on to them for a whole year. You're just opening other people's Amazon package. What the fuck? You don't live.

I pay a lot of money. That's on you, dog. That's my mail. This is my package. Mm-hmm. Well, because I was like, what the fuck is this? I was like, did someone order this for me? And so I opened it was like, no.

You son of a bitch. Fuck yeah, dude. So you got, you didn't even go out of your way. You a motherfucker. And now you just woke up, opened a package that's committing an Amazon felony. Federal offense, dude. Federal offense.

Opened an Amazon package that was not for you. It's full of empty Mother's Day cards on the day, on Mother's Day. And you have the odds. audacity to come into my house and give my wife one of your free Mother's Day cards. Did you write in it? I did. You wrote in a free Mother's Day card.

Ill-Gone's game, baby. You fucking dickhead. So she thinks you went to the store. You fucking asshole. I look like such a nice guy, dude. Oh, man. You piece, but you're not a nice guy. You're a piece of shit.

I'm a big asshole, man. You had three and you didn't bring me one too? I thought you would have had that covered, man. I should have brought you. Why would I have that covered? I'm no different now. Well, because I have to do it.

The other two were really bad. So what? It's better than nothing. They're all stupid. It's cards. It's fucking dumb. It's just a fucking dumb thing that women make us do. Oh, I think one of them was in Chinese.

That would have been great. I would have. Then you could have said, look at how much it says I love you. I should have said, Amazon fucked me. Amazon sent me a fucking goofy Chinese card. There you go. You hoarded.

What did you do with the other two cards? Probably threw him away. I did actually. You fucking asshole. I was like, well, these fucking suck. Fuck that. When's your girlfriend's birthday? I'm going to really.

I'm going to be up at 12.01 a.m. Happy birthday. Not at all for your retardant. You really... You really bring a joy to everyone's life. I'm gonna say all the cliche shit. I'm gonna say all the cliche shit so you can't say it. It'll sound stupid when you say it.

Every year, it was you're a beam of light. A beam of light out of the sky. You're like a big fucking hug to everyone. It's such a joy. It's such a joy to see you. It's such a joy that you're another year in the world. You don't look any older. I beat the system, man.

fucked me. You didn't beat the system. You fucked me. It's not the same as beating the system. A free mother's day card, man. Yeah, but it's not your mother. It's one of my good friends' mom. You fucking knew I wouldn't

get anything. I didn't. You absolutely knew. I should have just got one of those Instagram fucking whatever it is. Outline of, you know, put their initials in a beam of rice. I got the community chess to Bank Aaron.

Your favorite card. You fucking N-word. You did. Community chess. Send other players to jail. Don't cross-go. Change other characters. Change other players' pieces to a gay piece from the piece that they have.

Put other piece in players ass. Make the other players sit cross-legged in the way they don't usually sit with the other leg in front for the rest of the game. It leaned forward. Make them sit on their feet. Oh, man. That's so fucking funny, dude. I can't believe. You gave her that car and I was like, oh, you fucking dick.

It's from both of us. and I thought, well, at least Johnny's gay because he went to the store and got this shit now I've come to find out you're not even gay God damn it that could easily happen to me I could have easily gotten Why didn't somebody, why didn't one of you listeners

send me a fucking Mother's Day cards unasked for? How come I always get garbage sent to me? T-shirts and shit. Dude, well then I felt bad because two bigger packages came I was like well I can't open those. I was like, that's probably the actual... Fucking trash!

All I get is trash. Beto's booty. Little black guy Funko Pops. Any one of you could have sent me a Mother's Day cards. I thought she was going to cry when you gave it to her. She's like, wow, someone cares and then come to find out. It's just, I had... I watched this movie called If I had legs, I would kick you.

I was on a plane, right, coming back to town yesterday and I was watching that movie. Oh, shit. It's about like this, it's about just, you know, a woman, just dealing with life, you know. Most men's movies are like, like, a big war. Like, I'm going to climb Mount Everest. I'm going to fuck a planet, you know? Fuck Mount Everest. Most women's movies are like, I'm just trying to, like, exist.

Just trying to, like, have a boyfriend. And it's a similar amount of struggle and challenge. Yes, exactly. Exactly, and they started, women's movies started getting good when they admitted that. When they admitted like, you know what, it's basically we're doing, we're not going to say like a woman like jump to the moon. We're going to say like a woman had a day. Like she tried to go to the store and it's like Beowulf. What if there was like a whole war movie, right?

You watch this war movie and then at the very end it zooms out and you see it's just two women watching TV and she's like. So basically that was what my day was like. but it is and I said hey honey this movie this movie reminds me of you because now she's like I know

I thought that before our nursery had a giant hole in the ceiling I was like oh yeah I bet you did now but you already thought it now it's even now it's worse now you can't rethink it

that's so fucking man funny movie I gotta watch it now it's a funny movie because the dad comes back in the end and just fixes all the problems

and like, like 10 minutes in the middle of the night. God damn it. And she just can't even the whole movie. Okay. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. One battle after another.

One battle after another. Hey, yeah. Welcome Dick. You want Dick. You need to give you. It's the show where it's a contest coming alive from Mount Borker Deep in the heart of the city of failure. Coming to you from World 7 of Mario. How did that...

How did that world music go? It was kind of like bad sounding. I think it was bad sounding. Because the desert level is like... It's cooler, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of groove to it. Yeah.

And the giant lives like... Don't da-da-d-d-d-d-l-d-l-oh-oh-oh. I can't remember that one, though. Did you see the quartering quit? Twitter? That's funny. That's a reminder me talking about my dad being on Twitter, which he isn't. But if he was, how would he quit?

Right. I don't think you would quit because that seems to be, that seems to be something that only deeply, mentally deranged people do. Quitting Twitter on Twitter is one thing, but then quitting Twitter on Facebook. That's because of all the negativity. Mr. negativity himself, the quartering.

He spent, spent 10 years harassing Brie Larson, calling her everything in the, you know, trying to get her to kill herself, basically. Quits Twitter because of the negativity. Hmm.

He deleted him and, him in Countankula, had a podcast. And the bearing, this guy bearing, and the guy bearing, like, made a video about his,

The quarterings meltdowns and false flags. So the quartering, like, deleted their whole podcast together. Oh, shit. Yeah. And then he quit. He woke up and started lying about it. And then nobody believed the lies. So then he quit Twitter to escape getting made fun of by Count Dankula, I think.

Pretty funny. Fucking wrong with these people, man. There he is. Taking a social media break. we'll still have regular daily absolute sickness when people say we'll we absolutely mentally ill sick deranged people yeah you know me and my team i got every all my employees with me we're you know yeah seating the thought in your mind that if you react negatively to what i'm saying you're attacking a group and not just me you're attacking like you know staff sick people we'll still we'll still have

regular daily videos and live streams, which are just, he takes popular videos and then pasts a thing of him on the front going, hey, check this out. That's all of his content. It should be not allowed on YouTube, but I don't know. But in case you notice, my ex account is gone. It's because it has been really an insane battlefield. This is like a chick movie that I am 100% making worse by interacting with and egging some of these folks on. In fact, I can't think of one good thing that X has done for me in a long time And the constant negativity is having a real world effect on me It's making me do and say things I would never have before

And I can see it's become a problem for me Wow, it's making him like suck cocks Saying like I love sucking cocks and eating poop It's having a real world effect on him It's making him say I love sucking dicks and eating poopoo He's got a big old shit smear out of you know? It's making him, well, I mean, he doesn't specify. Yeah.

It could be, probably that. It's making me say, I love eating, I love sucking on a big sweaty testicles and eating a plate of poopoo every day. That's what it's doing to him. Going to take that time I was wasting there. This guy wanted to be the CEO at Twitter, by the way. Remember that? I do remember that. He said, Elon, I'll suck your cock.

Serious inquiry here. I really mean this. Elon, I'm like. I'm the CEO of a SEO company. I'm totally serious. I'm totally serial. I have a five-year deal with Rumble. Everyone loves me.

I'm so free speech. I'm so free speech, it hurts. I would die for you, Elon. Embarrassing. Gonna take that time I was wasting there and focus on improving myself. So he was trying to shovel down poop in testicles then. Yeah.

If he's wasting time by doing other things, things? That means he was like... There's so many unsucked cocks. He's gonna overcompensate. He's gonna enter some kind of a cock sucking league now. The quartering. He's gonna become the champion.

This is the champ of the cock-sucking poop-eating league. He's gonna unify the belts of sucking cock, the cock-sucking world champion belt, and the poop-eating world champion belt. He's gonna have both. Right. He's gonna unify the belts. It's gonna be

him in India guzzling a big dump truck of poop. Dude, he's going to be... It's like the Joker, right? You say peacock, nobody bats and I. You say poop cock. And then he's going to have to go... And the quartering pops up and goes, hey,

who's talking about poopcock? That's two of my favorite... You got cock in my poop. No, you got poop in my cock. It's what he does with himself. The Reese's commercial from hell. Oh, man. Fuck you, quartering.

You fucking piece of shit, you fat drunk, creepy retard. You fucking prick. You fucking loser. Fuck you. You can't handle one. None of these guys can handle even a fraction of even one second. One tiny second of the decades they put into ripping on people. That's why they all go after celebrities.

Because celebrities can't hit back, right? They're just bullies, but they're also cowards. Not me. I go after everybody. I punch down, I punch up, I punch myself. It's punchies, yeah. We're just playing punchies. I'm just setting up, whatever.

Anybody, I'll fight anybody, anywhere. Who gives a shit? Why are you so been out of shape over what people say? Like, who do you think you are, man? Why do you think you are such a big shot? Because you got no, maybe your wife must be fucking another guy. Nobody with a, nobody with a wife could ever think, this highly of themselves.

This guy and got no stones, man. Man, what a, what a bitch. What a bitch. Going to take that time I was wasting there, even a fraction, a fraction of a percent that they dish out into the world,

comes back at them, total fucking meltdown. Total meltdown. It's pathetic. Anytime you see someone going to social media talking about how they need a social media break. Oh, Oh, just the worst.

Just the worst, man. Fucking drug addict. Hug box to hugbox. And this is a Facebook post, right? Which is like the last refuge of the coward. Like Maddox is basically relegated himself to Facebook. God damn. Abject coward.

It's going to take the time I was wasting there and focus on improving myself. Yeah, right. How are you in your fucking 40s talking about improving yourself? I don't think so. and being a better person. Join some stuff at church. What do you mean some stuff at church? What do you?

It's like a fucking woodchucks. I'm going to good person class at church. How do you think that works exactly? Joining some stuff. You mean dedicating some time to charity? You mean dedicating time to serving others? Is that what you mean? Because it's not what you're saying.

Some stuff at church. Yeah, he's learning poop smithing at poop church, dude. I'm going to go to poop church. and suck some cocks. I'm gonna go learn about molesting little boys at church. He's gonna be the poop smith, dude. Bro.

You're not lying. Join some stuff at church. What the fuck do you mean some stuff at what do you? Just some stuff, some stuff. What would you do at church? Stuff.

God and stuff. God and stuff. Join some stuff. How about AA? You gonna join AA yet? church? PSA, dude, pants shitter's

anonymous? Ooh, AA and PSA are at the same time. Can you guys, can you guys do, can you guys split those up? I don't,

I'm already going to Spanish Mass. I don't understand anything. They're oblaying in there. They're oblaying me Pindejo. Definitely not English.

It's not English. Do you have a PSA, a pants, pants poopie anonymous? that I can go to. It's just so crazy to like, it's such like a... You know how when people write like poetry or whatever?

Yeah. Write it as if they're someone else reading it so then they write all this retarded shit trying to sound all smart and deep. Yeah. This sounds like if someone did that with like a PR response. Like this sounds like PR enough, right?

Like that makes it sound like I'm doing all the right things in response to this. Unless you run it through AI. Hey, is there anything totally retarded about my apology? It just melts. Yeah, it's all fucked up. Maybe when you get back from doing stuff at church. It's making me do insane.

Dude, it's... Is he on meth? What is he on? Is the meth making you do insane things? That's crazy. It's making me do and say things I would never have before. Okay, that's sucking cock and eating poop. So you would have...

You're saying you would have sucked cock and eat poop? before? Well, what if he's been doing it the whole time and he stopped finally? Oh, yeah. I gotta stop sucking, cock and eating poop. It's making me on Twitter all day. Just do one or the other. What a fucking piece of shit.

Anything you need, Eric. You remember that? Quartering, you fuck. You fat fucking retard. Anything you need, Eric. Uh-huh, ha, ha. Fuck you. Eat shit. I don't know, really. Just focusing on positive stuff. Hey, is this church? Knock, knock, knock.

I'm here for the stuff. You guys got any stuff? He says stuff twice in the same sense. Join some stuff at church. I don't know, really. Just focusing on positive stuff. You Eeyore fucking prick. You sad sack, Eeyore piece of shit.

Only thing he working on his stuff in his face? I hope he gets raped by a priest that has bad eyesight at church. I'm here for the stuff. And he's like, oh, an altar boy. Why don't you come on back and get changed for me? You're a fat altar boy. Why don't you do a little dance? God damn.

See you all tomorrow. Truffle shuffle, you're fat ass fat. Hey, bend over and pick up these magic cards, little boy. Yeah. Oh, that's right. He started with a magic channel too. That's ass brand coffee. Give me that fucking ass.

Ass brand poop. Ass brand poop. You fucking weirdo, quartering. How fucking weird do you have to be So that all your friends online are girls Fucking freak Weirdo Fucking weirdo

Fucking weirdo What do you stream with a bunch of girls Oh so you're a fucking weird creep What? How do you know Just because I stream with Girls? Yeah Actually Yes

Man One One is okay Not fucking two Three I mean, just look at all the Feminine attention he's getting dude He's clearly the king of

He's the king Yeah King of fucking morons dude See you tomorrow It's fucking Facebook bro What do you mean see you tomorrow? See you tomorrow is what He's taking the afternoon off

More cry posting God makes me fucking sick That's cloying desperate need for validation Man You need a different kind of church You need ass-beating church church. Yeah, not ass eating church. Fucking

that shit. It's just so like bully me, here's some embarrassing shit about me. Can you call me an F slur? Can someone please call me an F slur and beat me and tickle my balls and beat my

buns, please? And the like extreme negative reaction to it all. It's like, bro. What a fucking pussy. Here, this is, this person deserves more respect than the quartering. The first

Ironically. The first black the first black quadrangless quadrangle model Aaron Rose Philippe the first black

transgender woman So is this a penis with quadriplegic cerebral palsy Signed to a major modeling agent arriving at the Met Gala.

Wow, isn't this amazing, Johnny? Hmm. Is it playing? I don't hear anything. Oh, man. I want to hear what they talk like. Look, it's a smizing. Should we do the voiceover?

Hey! Can you get my good side? You're going to have to get on the bus. It just feels like, um, like whatever brand of wheelchair that is. Put a lot of money into like making this heck. Because like look at all the advertising, man. Is Ricky Berwick involved in this?

Can he come in with a chair from the top rope? No, make him crawl. Make Ricky Berwick like a diehard crawling through the vents. I'm going to get this. Because that's what he does in all this videos. He's always like crawling up somewhere or whatever. It's one night only. I want Ricky Berwick and Aaron Rose.

Okay, Aaron. So it's a trans from a penis to, it's a penis woman. Aaron Roseville is the first black transgender woman with quadriplegic cerebral palsy signed to a major modeling agency arriving at the

Met Gala. How come this wheelchair doesn't have more ads on it? That's what I'm saying. This looks like a Looney Tunes, accordion kind of wheelchair, isn't it? Like a bellows or something. It's going to go like meeh-haw! I'll go like side to side and stuff.

is that her feet down there sticking out this is fucking man I'm all inspired as fuck God do you think there's like a props department somewhere just like all patting themselves on the back you think these hands are real that she's got here

hook hands you think it's not like some remote controlled like you think this is ILM like this is a Muppet like an ET and there's a little there's a little Andy circuses in here in the chair part

And it's got like mirrors reflecting the side And he's like controlling that Like some shit like that You know how fucking funny that would be dude Actually And it's fucking Lance Burton Popping up Magic

Like yeah Like it'd be I'd like to see like funny ones Like three adults in a trench coat Trying to be an adult Dude would it be possible to muppet this shit up I don't know dude like I want to see Muppeting technology has come a long way

Quite far. Because like that rock, that movie was in the space movie. Oh shit. I didn't see it, but I wanted to see it. I didn't see it either. It's basically like interstellar where they have to like find a new universe to have an earth in. Has the same arc and weight as like just a woman trying to fix a hole in the roof. Oh, yeah.

That's the. Dude, the sun might come. You couldn't make a movie about a guy trying to fix a hole in the roof. Could you make a fucking 30-second ad about that? Yeah, you got to pretend that men are like a big dumb, bumbling idiot on TV. Oh, I don't know, it'll fix a hole in the roof and the wife comes in. Like, why I ought to? Yeah, because three seconds is spent hammering in the roof tile.

Yeah. And the other 27 seconds is spent explaining the material, kind of Dale. Aaron Rose, the first black Can't we send this bitch to the moon? Let's get, come on. Let's get some real progress. I want quadriplegic. I want like a show like

It's not cake Except it's like it's not retarded Where it's like one, they have to pick Into the people. Yeah, there's one that's a Muppet That Andy Circus is controlling, he's hiding in the chair, controlling a Muppet quadriplegic cerebral palsy retarded trans black woman

and then the other one's actually the real one and you got to cut with a knife to see which one is the Muppet. I thought it was going to be like a show where like you have someone with like a vicious amount of down syndrome and then like a woman and then you have to figure out like which one made this IKEA furniture. You get two IKEA furnitures have the woman and the retarded person put them together. No help. fiercely. They get three lifelines.

You need two assholes with the electric tasers. Like the electric nets. You get ask your dad. You get one question and your dad can't see what's going on. Right. That's one lifeline. LiveLive number two is a do-over. You get a new set. You get one new IKEA set

that start over. I don't know what the third lifeline is. You just have to open a folding table. The third one is you get 30 seconds to cry. For free. For free. It's not...

No penalty of crying. No penalty for crying. And then after the... Uh... Two weeks time limit. We take the retarded person's IKEA bookshelf and the woman's IKEA bookshelf and put them in front of a panel of people judges. Great construction.

All the screws are stripped to fuck. And they got a guess. Yeah. Well, this one doesn't make any sense. This at least looks like the thing. Yeah. Maybe they got to, maybe the return in person and the woman

got to guess which one was theirs. Which one did you do? I don't remember. I don't remember. Which one has the most object permanence? Send this bitch to Mars. Come on. Let's get mission number one.

Guys, big news. The first Mars mission is 100% diverse. and it's just goofballs, criminals. Cool. Yeah. We sent them all on the first. Whoops, something fucked up.

Oh, no. It'd be so funny if they had to, like, maximize the amount of, like, ship space. Like, maximize the amount of people per ship space, so they laid them all out next to each other and Russell to ship to Mars. Um. win. Do you think L.A. Mayor? You don't get to vote for L.A. Mayor, do you? I do. You do? You do? You got to vote for Pratt. Yeah, dude. I might get a sign. Yard sign. I want my house graffitied, though. Put it in your neighbor's yard. Oh, good idea. I'm going to put one of my neighbors' yard. I really want. He's got to win. What did he say? He said at the debate, this dumb Indian bitch, who's lived here for

like a week and a half said, I'm going to take social outreach to the homeless. And he said, yeah, you do that. Have fun with that. You're going to get stabbed in the neck. You go under the 110 with social outreach. You're going to get stabbed in the neck. Those people don't want help. They want fentanyl.

They don't want pop-tarts or coffee. They want fucking meth. A knife in your neck. God, that was funny. Every time I see Pop-Tarts at the store now, I'm just like, man, go for some coffee right about now. Let me see if I have this Spencer Pratt video. The one thing I connect.

Yeah, okay. Let's see what he's saying here. I know he promised his voters, like the subway will be free. The one thing I connect with is I know he promised his voters, like the subway will be free. And I'm promising my voters. The metro buses, the metro trains, they will be free from urine, feces, stabbing, attacks. So that's kind of similar. We both had free things for public transportation.

Okay. It's a pretty good joke, but you kind of messed up the delivery. I would pay for that shit if it was free from all those things. God, wouldn't that be great? It would be great. Kuna Matata, as many muskets would say. Subways with no stabbings. Just like I'd like to take any sort of public transportation without there being a shit, piss, vomit.

Yeah People selling single sodas People who didn't shower today Or this year Half-eaten bags of chips and shit You want some of 50 cents Like fuck you Whatever that

Mexican rig is Where they have like a pole That's got Yeah That's got like little spike Little you know Hooks on it Yeah

That have those bags of wheels Wagon wheels right and chips yeah none of those gotta have my wagon wheels dog I gotta wake up every day

and I'm craving these fucking wagon wheels I'm wheeling today I think I've tried to eat them I'm like how the fuck would anyone why didn't you buy this a second time they don't even taste like anything yeah that's how they cover them in hot sauce

I'm like well you just want to eat fucking hot sauce you're just making a mess then making a big mess I realize that's a big component to like Mexican snacks yeah Mexican It's making a big mess. You have to make a big mess.

You can't just have a bag of hot Cheetos, which are already messy. It's hot Cheetos, let me dump in some nacho cheese. Let me dump in jalapinos. Some tahin? Some tahin everywhere. It's like... Let me get the reddest powder I can. Yeah.

Yeah. We're going to have the day of the hose if Spencer Pratt becomes mayor. Where all the firemen are going to go down deep into the metro and hose everyone out until they're bums. till all the bums and degenerates are squirting out the tubes just the rain tubes yeah they're all going to be shooting and squirting out into the LA river and washing away maybe that's the solution is set up like yeah here's official homeless encampments

in the LA river like it's a dry season yeah big deal and then when the rains finally come wash the fire out dude you guys get to figure it out you can be like little beavers down there but it's the day of the hose. We're going to come and hose out the whole match. Every bus is going to get the hose. It's going to be hose operating the hose, though.

Hose is. Doc, the hose man. The hose department. I'm going to show up. All right, you hose. Right there he is. Get him. And they're going to go,

and some fucking dumb bum on the bus. And be like, oh, wow, wow! Fucking blasting out through the back window. Like an anime. That'd be awesome. That would be fucking awesome. Tired of these fucking bombs, man.

Fire hose, these fucking bombs. I saw another Spencer Pratt thing. Oh, God, how did he phrase it? I forget how he said. He's like, get help or get out or something like that. I'm like, dude, if you flat out run on, we need to execute homeless people for loitering, landslide.

80%. Nobody hates homeless more than L.A. No city on earth at any time in history has ever hated, hated with disgust and violence, people who are experiencing homelessness than Los Angeles in 26. It gets worse every year. Women, like, unassuming women, if they've even encountered a homeless person once, they just, we despise them. And other people will come here, like closet homosexuals.

and liberals and men, you know, will come here with this kind of Hollywood sob story idea of what homeless are. You're like, well, you know, we don't want to, you don't want to kill them, you know? And they'll try to drop that shit in L.A. No.

I just stopped. Wrong. Stop right there. They're like orcs. Dude, putting posters up and like seeing homelessness like at this distance. It's like, oh, you guys are fucked. You're evil.

Because like there was, you remember at the Silver Lake Junction where there's that like corner. Yeah. And like the fucking weird shaped building. So I was putting posters up on that. And they were right on the same sidewalk was a whole fucking bumming cam. And a dude through one of the tents, you could see some asshole with like a 53 inch fucking TV screen.

One guy was on fucking Skype. Like one guy like, jail had computers and shit. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? They're just like living out. Like they don't fucking want to participate. And then an unmarked fucking car poles of no plates. Nothing pulls up, goes from tent to tent, fucking sells this shit, walks out with a bunch of cash

and fucking left. And I was like, what the fuck? They got money. I was like, I'm sitting here busting my ass for you bums to just sit around and have money? Hate him. I fucking hate him, dude. We got to ramp up the rhetoric here. Okay, here's

here's the Archibald Prize. Check this out. This is a nice. Archibald S. Holbrook, dude? Is it? Is that what it's named after? No, but you know that. Speaking of boomers, that fucking boomer joke? I'm sure someone out there knows it too.

I forget how it goes. This is a portraiture prize. Awarded every year for the best portrait of a person. This was second place. Okay. Pretty awesome portrait, right? This dude, you know, sleeping gaily. On like a pile of trash?

I think it's like a bed. A futon. This is a pretty good, pretty technically skilled portrait, right? second place and one second place damn isn't that amazing first place must be pretty awesome right it better be

this is look at this it's a light it's like a renaissance painting it's like a renaissance painting second place first place must be fucking amazing yeah let's check it out

oh it's garbage it's a black lady or old Hispanic they found a way to combine an old Hispanic lady and a black lady and one looking like the cover of

fucking communion in here. That's Sandra Cisneros from the House on Mango Street, dude. Oh, is it? You remember that fucking book, dude? No. Oh, my God. What is that? Let me see it. It was a fucking book that, like, we all had to read in school. What was it called? We had to read Maniac McGee. What was yours called?

The House on Mango Street? The House on Mango Street? Yeah. The house, oh, God. See, I didn't have to read any of the woke shit when I was a kid. It was kind of wild. Any black shit or, like, minority shit? was right when it started happening. Yeah.

And I was like, what the fuck? Like, we don't even have Mexican kids in this school. A young Latino girl growing up in the Latino neighborhood of Chicago's Latino Humboldt Latino Park. Wow. The book explores themes of identity. No shit. Poverty and self-Latino discovery is Esperanza navigates her cultural heritage. Man, I've never had to navigate my cultural heritage.

Yeah. Isn't that funny? It's called... Called being a stupid woman. It's called the Islander half of the family will beat your ass for no reason. And then the white half of the family will treat you nice for no reason.

It's like there's nothing to navigate. It's just the rules of the road, baby. White people cultural heritage is like, what's your problem? Like, what is your fucking problem? Yeah. You know? Yeah.

What's your fucking problem? And then non-white people cultural heritage is, why are you guys making such a mess? Yeah. Pretty much. Not much to navigate there. Non-Maii people culture is, how come there's five generations under one room?

Don't you guys want to like stop listening to this to music for 10 minutes? No way. Because then the thoughts creep in. The minority thoughts creep in? I got to go steal. What is the fucking deal? Why don't you guys take 10 minutes of contemplative solitude? Demons at bay, dude?

What the fuck is wrong with you? God damn I saw this fucking Instagram reel Of this like a Has no Mexican speaker ever Malfunctioned and blown Do they have a backup speaker?

Yes And I was just I saw this igloo cooler With like a million lights And like 16 speakers built into it And all the comments Were like the Dominicans dream Cooler

And then like a bunch of Puerto Ricans Were like I'm from Puerto Rico And I'd fucking buy this shit And I support this message I'm from Puerto Rico And I support this cool or you had to read this shit in what grade

God like first or second maybe dude they should have just had you read the vagina monologues I'm gonna throw the biggest fucking tantrum if they try to make my son read this shit the best part is I don't remember fucking shit from it other than just the title of the book I mean that's like saying oh I had a three hour I listened to a Mexican woman talk for two hours I don't remember anything she said yeah I mean what would it possibly be Oh, I took a two-hour bus ride.

I didn't understand a single thing that these people were saying. There was no spider watering this. I didn't give a shit about it, you know? It's like going to church. What the fuck was that guy's story about? I think... I'm pretty sure that Lynn Manuel Miranda just, like, lifted his whole persona out of this book, though.

Like, after reading all that, it's like, oh, that's right. Esperanza Corteur, who feels her name means hope in English. But sadness and weight. in Spanish, reflecting our complex identity. Wow, that's really complex. Well, yeah, there's more than one pepper in a Salisly, you see.

Isn't Superman's name Hope? I didn't know Superman roughly translated to Hope. That's crazy. I'm pretty sure that this is Superman's story, but he's doing other stuff, too. He's got a job. That's the difference between this story of a Mexican woman named Hope and Superman.

He has a fucking job. No, this is S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-Perman. Superman the fucking rake-store is burning down. This leafblower has gone out of control, killing people. He's fucking brainiac leafblower. He's got to stop his job for a second, fucking... Mexican Superman, get over here. Oh, no, I'm sleepy.

Man. Uh, you got to turn the air off. Somebody turned the air on. I don't know why that happened. I'm there. Fucking turn it off. There's, all right, I guess it is hot. Can you hear that at all?

Can you hear the air? I can. Can you hear it on the headphones? I don't think so. Great. I don't know. Kind of. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you can, right? Yeah, you can, right. Off, wrong. Someone's going to be full blast and be like, you know what? I can hear it. Fuck the both of you. Happy Mother's Day, air off. Happy Mother's Day

Here's a card I can't fucking believe that you did that Did you get your own mama card? Oh yeah I send her flowers and everything You fucking Gay assholes

Those I paid for Because you don't have no kids That's why you got to send her that shit I don't have to send her jack shit Send her a picture Here you go There you go Your grandson

Check it out Fucking don't look too long Don't look too long Don't look at this too long You've looked enough. I'm gonna sleep so good tonight, no one. Sleep so good.

You're gonna be so pissed. I'll be up at two and three and five. For every hour you're awake, just mulling it all right. I'm gonna burn that fucking card that you gave my wife. God. Okay, the remains of the Titanic sub.

They found remains. Remember that sub that like squished? Yeah. For some reason, and they gave those people all the squished people. The submarine victim's bodies were returned to slush and shoeboxes. How do you even find bits left, dude? They have a big pile they can't separate, all mixed DNA.

And they asked if I wanted some of that too, but I said no. Just what you know is Suleiman and Shahazhada. That was two of the people that got squished. Suleiman the Great with all those hats? I didn't think that story could get any funnier. A bunch of rich assholes got in a plastic shitbox and got squished at the, in a, in a tube of plastic irony. That's awesome. At the bottom of the ocean, that's fucking great.

Every part of it was great. And now it gets even greater. They took all their squished bodies and gave them to their idiot family. It's like when people die climbing mountains, you know? Yeah. Like, man, that's awesome. It's one of those things. things too where when it happens is like yeah it was like a matter of time like no one ever feels bad

yeah and then except their families who were like oh my god i can't believe and it's like i can't believe it you can't believe it this guy climbed up a fucking mountain with no ropes or fucking it even it with ropes and it's still with ropes it's dumb and it's annoying it's annoying it's people who climb are fucking annoying um and their fucking fingies everywhere all over your house trying to climb it and their fingers are all strong and weird like a monkey yeah fuck don't touch me with those weird tips of your fingers fucking fingers out of here

get your monkey fingers out of my face shaking candies off my goddamn shit go climb in the street you piece of shit you're inspiring piece of shit fall off something else look I can play drums with my dick wow I'm inspiring too that's for when the boomer guy

loses his feet hmm fucking people complaining a German ad for migrant threesomes Oh we saw that one We saw that one

Yeah There's another one Another one They put to They have all these ads Yeah Check it out Fuck

Where is Somebody doesn't want to put A black guy in jail Yeah yeah yeah Okay Same thing as the other one Basically Like

You should Fuck Migrants As a man and woman There's a German couple And they're looking at a Oh And the guy's holding his hand

She's like too fat She's getting back in bed with the two of them A-OK That is this An advert in Germany promoting contraception teaches young white couples to have threesome Why is threesomes in migrants capitalized? No, I'm not making this up

because they're having threesomes with migrants why's he got to be holding the guy's hand where did this ad company get off saying that this dude's gay and this guy's gay oh hey buddy I hope you're sleeping in I hope you're sleeping in this twin-sized bed with all three of us with our no air-good air conditioning

with Donald Glover with Donald Glover Hey Donald's Glover Oh, wake up, buddy Oh, I didn't see you there, Donald Glover Did I not show the video on the screen? Oh, hey buddy Hey Donald's Glover

This bitch way too bad Man They're having ads for threesomes with Black with migrants on TV Usually they keep all that Suggested at Bergheim But now they've got it everywhere

And then for no reason at all Yeah And then one day For no reason at all Um Netanyahu's former personal security guard Has been caught in an undercover sting Sending explicit messages to an undercover detective

Posing as a team Oh yeah Chris Hanson is back This time he's got a real weirdo check this out oh this time he is yeah he's Chris Hanson is back huh this is one of

Netanyahu's former security guards who for some reason is into little boys allegedly look at him this is the guy right everyone knows this show I don't know how this guy's I don't know why this guy's sitting here that's the musician from us

Saturday Night Saturday Night right yeah fucking Paul what's this fuck. Paul Schaefer. Paul Schaefer. Yeah. There he is, dude. Paul Schaefer got busted in a sting. No more keys for him, dog. The only keys you'll be playing are...

You'll be jingling, man. Cox in prison. The only ivories you'll be tickling are murderers' balls. We're involved in security for the Israeli president. Den Yon. Did you meet

the Israeli leader? I'm sorry. I'm not answering any question so I can speak to an attorney. You sent photos of your penis, erect. You told the boy you ruined your shorts,

meaning you ejaculated while you were talking to him. You asked for explicit pictures of him. I ruined my shorts. You say the age of consent in Maryland is 16. This boy is 15. I was squirting out so much cum.

You knew this was illegal. And you had multiple chances to not commit this phone, but you did anyway. Which makes me wonder how many times you've gotten away with it before. You have C-SAM on your phone. I'm sorry, I'm not answering any question until I can speak to him. Why is he still sitting there? Bro, just hop on a plane and go back to Israel.

What the fuck are you thinking? Why are you sitting there? He's pulling the Alberto Gonzalez, I do not recall. Like, at this point, how many times have we all seen, Chris Hanson. We know that you don't have to sit there. You can just start running. Yeah, start running, man. You've got to make a break for it. What was the guy who got

got in the gilly suit? Like he was trying to run in the guy was in a fucking gillie suit. Yeah, popped up out of the trash can. Ha ha ha! Gotcha. Man. Why has he got his arms behind his back? He's been out of, dude, look, his hair's all gray and

shit now. He's like been fucking... He's been busting chomos for a long time. He's on the beat, man. He's got a long history of busting chomos. And he walks in and he's just like, this guy for sure. Talk about being busy in training. The boy says his parents will be out of town at a work conference. How long was your drive over here today from your home in Maryland?

I'm sorry. I'm not answering any questions. I speak to an attorney. You talked about taking him out after getting to know him for cheese sticks. and if it goes well you say you'll meet the monster at the end of the happy trail

just tell me what you meant by that is this a skit? I'm not answering any questions so I can speak to an attorney you feel pretty good about yourself today huh? Think you were outsmarting everyone a month and a day you spent chatting with someone who told you

there 15 not just a cop but a lieutenant you sent pictures of yourself in uniform you said pictures of yourself in uniform You said pictures of yourself from your office At the Metro D.C. Is that something little boys like?

Pictures and you're like, she's sending that to women. Grooming a child. That's fucking. You know, with little boys, you know, like a, you like a guy in uniform too?

I guess. I don't know. See, that's the reason not to be doing bad shit because you don't want to get arrested and have some fucking guy who's just fucking jingling and fucking balls fucking touching all your shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Putting handcuffs on you. Had a file going through all your stuff. Yeah. Touching your fucking hands and fucking... Like, oh, man. Why's he sitting there, man?

You got to make a fucking break for it. Or shoot Chris Hanson. That would be one option. That would be... You're already going to fucking jail. Yeah. Or you're going back to Israel. And, you know...

True. Just living the rest of your life. Raping Palestinian kids in prison. He's about to be a top fortnight. player. What should happen to you, Lieutenant? I'm sorry, so I'm not answering any questions so I can speak to an attorney. I guess you won't be.

Okay, yeah, you nailed it, bud. I ruined my shorts. Oh, I ruined my fucking shorts with cum. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, um,

nine out of 10 new American jobs since COVID went to someone born outside of the country. Okay. Cool. Kagan says black votes are wasted because black people can't have their own congressional districts now. Which one's Kagan?

The Jewish one? The Mexican one. Heart. Wind. Fire. Which one's Kagan? I think she's a Jewish one. I think.

Of the menorah team. Yeah, all all black votes are wasted. States, black voters are widely dispersed, and unlike the state's white voters, lack any ability to elect a representative of their choice. Oh, because they need a black guy in Congress, or else. Or else there's no one that will speak up for black interests. And then, you know, then they won't get...

They're speaking up on black interests, you see. You've got to raise those rates. election after election black citizens votes are by every practical measure wasted every practical measure. Wow man these bitches on the Supreme Court are fucking

stupid. They're really stupid it's really dumb that they keep getting put on there we got to just do man our side just got to do men only we're only doing men up there man man men men and then you guys can just do Liberals can just do black woman, black quadriplegic woman, you know.

I think that's why more people need to be present fathers, you know? Yeah. You need to have kids and then raise them. Because then when you see all this fucking stupid shit happening in society, it's like, yo, someone's got to put a fucking stop to this. Someone's got to stop this shit. You guys are fucking up. Yeah. Kids getting dementia from screens.

Let's see here. That's cool. police versus people in New Zealand A woman was arrested for Saying something about Indians Sperm showers I also have Jesus

Let's see this police in New Zealand Oh it's not a video A New Zealand woman has been left in shock After police hunted her down For a Facebook post they claim was Quote, unwelcoming to the Indian community what is what is welcoming to the indian community look like toilets unwelcoming to the indian community uh she posted a photo of herself in ockland with two men of indian appearance in the background captioned welcome to new india thanks to luxing referring to prime minister christopher luxen who recently signed a controversial free trade agreement with india god damn what are we going to do Uh

The Britons Restore Britain party Yeah Uh One big time I saw something about that yeah Yeah one of the guys who won said That we should

Let me see if I have the quote here The quote is Nigerians should be melted down to fill Potholes He won the race He won his race God damn Glenn Gibbons

a reform UK candidate I haven't heard Nick Fuentes say anything that bad I'll be honest I've listened to a lot of Nick Fuentes never heard

because people don't really melt right I mean unless you're referring to the extremely racist metaphor of like a tar person in that case

they could be melted and filled a pothole so right because they're not babies anymore I see it's a really it's a level

of racism that I don't know if I've heard in a long time. It's like a practical racism. Yeah, filling potholes. It's like in Grand Toreno. He's like, we'd stack you guys. Well, it's like a feeding the rich to the hungry, right?

Uh-huh. It's like, well, you solve two problems with one. You get rid of these guys and no more potholes. I think that's true. if you combine racism with practicality you can get away with saying a lot

that's like well shit I do want potholes to get filled like fucking up my tires I'm not against the potholes yeah I have been asking for a long time man yeah well you know he's talking about filling potholes what are you guys talking about tired of my bike installing I don't know how to take that uh and they all

all the people that won had some kind of quote like that damn not as Funny is that one, though. Some were just a little too direct. Yeah, they didn't have the, you know, they didn't have the burner. They didn't have the after, the chaser. Let's see.

Okay, New India. That was it. That's all she said. Mrs. Schwenkel was then bombarded with hateful and abusive comments from Indian Facebook users. Huh. Yeah, they really get up your ass. So.

They don't get arrested for saying actually fucked up things to her, but she gets the rest of the things. The rest of the same is New India. Thanks. Maybe she's being serious. And she put herself in the picture, of course, like that women taking a picture meme. Yeah. Not just a picture of two Indian guys. She probably just wanted to take a picture of herself because she thought she looked cute. Yeah, and then she's like, what are these fucking Indian guys doing in my picture? Yeah, they're messing up my picture. when we are here to stay

we have already taken over your jobs transportation dairy fruit farming restaurants health care etc with hard work though stop moaning and join the hardworking group of immigrants this is what you get New Zealand because you are dumb and easy to fool they come in by the masses taking and owning all the stuff we have Kiwis will own nothing kiss New Zealand goodbye yeah okay

pretty reasonable man I had arrested for that huh I had to walk away from us twice because he was being led by his personal views. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All right. Well, I don't know. I don't know who's going to fix it, but it's Nick Fuentes.

People are going after him for some reason this week. I don't get it. What do you do this time? He said Dan Bilzerian lured him up to his penhouse and tried to get him to talk about killing Ben Shapiro or something. something. I was like, okay, that's obviously true, but Dan Bolzerian's like retarded.

He's, he's probably fed posting all the time. He's fed posting on Twitter. He's obviously fed posting in private. He's fucking stupid. Man. Right? He obviously did that. Why are people crying about Nick Fuentes? Like, he definitely did that.

You're fucking stupid. I don't know why. They just keep, they keep taking shots at poor Nick Fuentes. Don't be fed posting, man. You can't say that. kind of shit. Can't say that on TV.

No, you can't say that on TV. Go say it on Twitter. All right. Read some comments. Justin says, I can't believe you all got Anthony Kedis on. Is that? Ray Ray Ray.

Captain Cheese says Ray lost me when he said he backed Isam, but he got me back when he said he didn't back Superkiller. What does that say about you, Captain Cheese? Kids can't read. Hey Dick, did you see this?

Breaking Philadelphia teen, who exposed his classmates' inability to read or comprehend simple sentences, says he's now being threatened with expulsion. Not graduated and being barred from prom. Okay. Let's take a look at this. Bard from prom? Oh, fuck. Poor guy.

No fun. Just like Epstein. No fun. This is scary. High school students can't even read a simple sentence. America? What the hell are we doing? Yeah, I mean, it's really like all of America really needs to get together and figure out this really specific problem. Okay, here we go.

Read the end of the score for me. She were a suit clothes that were... Who's this for? Extra ordinary, but somewhat gertcher? No, explain what that means. I don't know She were a Saholet of clothes that were

Extra during me, whatever, bro But somewhat What does that mean? She wore a lot Wait, she were I don't know, bro She took the cart back, please She wore a

Oh, baby She wear a silhouette of clothes That were I don't know that way I don't even know how to read I don't know why this She wore a silhouette of clues that were

extraordinary but somewhat gosh All right now what does that mean? I have no idea like it as cool as nice or something like She were a I don't know what this shit said I don't know what she's saying

I don't know what she's saying I can't read it Can't read it can't read it Can this be the new voting test Can we bring those back Can you read the ballot and then fucking, yeah. Can you read this one single sentence of prose?

Silhouette? That's out of bounds? Out of bounds, dude. I guess it's got an H in it, and you don't really say the age, so. What about extraordinary? Silla hoot, extraordinary. I don't think they were saying, I didn't know they were saying war. I thought they were saying were.

She were, dude. She were, she were a silhout. Man. Sick. And they're expelling his ass over this I guess yeah Yeah because I wonder what their official test scores are So it's like you do you think they're passing the fuck out of these kids?

And then this just revealed like hey actually your kids don't know shit You kids can't even fucking read and they say they can't read The Silla Hoot What else? What's the other one you sent here? Yeah, okay Oh can you read part two? God damn

Yeah, yeah Yeah, yes. Silla Hoot part two. Read the end of the skirt. What the fuck does that say? What am I reading this? No, I'm not reading this? This is a whole bunch of bullshit. The colonel asked the choir to accommodate the governor's schedule.

What does that mean? He's asking the choir to accommodate the governor's schedule, right? In your own words. There's a governor's schedule, and so the colonel is asking. The colonel is asking the fire to accommodate to it. In your own words. I don't know. The governor acts required to accommodate the...

The Mexican kids is the only one that got it. I mean, he couldn't put it in his own words, but he could clearly explain what was the subject and... What does that mean? Right? They asked the people to sing for the governor's schedule. I don't know what this means. The colonel ex-acquired to accommodate the governor's schedule.

What does that mean? He ex-acquired to accommodate the governor's schedule. I don't know. I don't know, bro. it means he asked him to read his schedule to like I mean

the colonel asked the choir to accommodate the governor's schedule what does that mean to sing with the governor I have to sing with the governor right now second one's not as good they're not wrong

they just can't they should be able to give it in their own words well comprehension is like a fucking big thing in the world around us yeah yeah

like if they can't translate one thought to different words, then how they're going to analyze anything independently? How are they going to understand an idea and convert it into smaller pieces that they can apply to other ideas?

They should make these people read parking signs too. Yeah. That's a fucking... What's this sign mean? Stay quiet after 10 p.m. Between the hours of 10 p.m. and 10 p.m. Okay, grave digger, yeah, I saw that. Hey, Dick, check this out.

Tommy there are trans identifying men who freeze tomato sauce into cylinders and shove it up their ass so when it melts they can pretend they're having a period thanks so much for sending this spaghetti's girl all over again man what does this shit say hello ladies thinking of taking my monthly femme cycle to the next level I have regular monthly cycle every 28 days using pads and tampons and I was wondering what others do to mimic flow and discharge. Gross topic for some, I know. Frozen V8 popsicles you make with moids for bottled water from Walmart. I hope this helps. Yeah, there they are. Okay, there's the cylinders.

The cylinder. What happens if a cylinder gets stuck, dude? They just shit it out, I guess. Maybe they get a balanced breakfast. In a non-damaging way? I don't know. I use the same type of ice cube tray, so they stick frozen popsicles up their ass? Like a...

Wasn't that, doesn't that hurt? Taking a frozen fucking V8 stick up your ass? Get ass freeze? Yeah, want your ass freeze together? Well, like, you know how, yeah, because, like, you know when your tongue gets stuck to the fucking pole? Won't their hemorrhoids get stuck to the popsicle and get shoved up their ass? I always use two or three in order to give me a heavy meds.

Get the fuck out of here. This is not. 2003, dude, that's crazy. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, they're using an old style camera, huh? God damn. Time stamp camera. Should just be doing it with fucking stag chili, dude.

Oh, God. Throw a few pennies in there for the blood smell, too. Okay, let's do voicemails. That's vile, man. Get the fuck out of here. Take around.com slash the dick show. See you next week. We're going to do voicemails and then do Johnny's brain rot.

I'm having my period I got period all over my overalls all over my stockings it's to emulate a heavy night of drinking when you get the blood parts when you keep wiping and it's just all red oh yeah Gloria all red dude

that's their that's their drag queen name Jesus Gloria all red and she just comes out and shit's V8 clumps all red I'm having a miscarriage out of my asshole that's

that's that's the new fourth option dude why don't we get these why don't we get these people more access to kids that's what we need you know how when you ask

you go to someone's house like hey you know can I use the restroom like oh sure yeah it was funny for a while to be like hey where's your bathroom oh it's all great I have to take a huge come I have to take a huge cum

Yeah just to be you know Just to make them regret it But now you can be like great I'm gonna go have a miscarriage I'm gonna go have a miscarriage out of my ass Out of my V8 juice I've been carrying around in there You used to be like normal shit that we were doing

Dude well that's the thing man Is it all comes down to like look If you're gonna go against God It's always You better go harder than that Well it's just always like up Something's got to go up your butt dude Okay

Hey Dick You know what makes me Fucking rage God damn people Or more specifically Women Girlfriends Who do not keep you in the goddamn loop

No I disagree Fucking get off work Go fucking home Expecting to You know Just be with my girlfriend For the night Turn down some good bar time

Turn down some good fucking friend time What the fuck Oh this bitch is going out I could have been out but now go out

what are you on 40 minutes away I got me you know and I'm not fucking driving myself because I'll be too drunk to drive home what's my life

is this a some kind of skin walking alien that's three strikes bro yeah not driving drunk strike strike three yeah keep me in the loop

man I would I'm trying to invent a technology that will lift me above the loop so I never have to hear about what plans are being done ever again in my life. That's like when you show up to work and everyone's like actually, hey, we're taking the day off.

It's like, oh, shit. I show up here for nothing? Yeah. Oh, I wanted to for my whole day ruined. No, you're looking at it all wrong, dog. Honey, why didn't you tell me about your plans? I said, no man ever. Yeah.

She's cheating on you. That's why. Why would she not tell you about, women tell you about every plan they ever have except the one they're cheating on you with? She wanted to ruin your day, dude. why didn't you tell me you're going out with your friends because she's getting fucking slammed it made her day better knowing that your day was ruining

that you're at home by your miserable ass self calling two shitheads I could have been out with my rose you can't because one of them's plowing your wife or girlfriend or whatever what am I supposed to do drive drunk he's driving drunk he's driving his dick into your girlfriend drunk

you don't know how to drive drunk Dude, that's what's happening there, bro. Sorry to tell you. Hey, Dick, hey Johnny. Podcast prop here. Holy Spirit is speaking through me. I think I found a, I don't know if it's a new low for the intelligence of women, but just driving around town today, I've had three separate females walk across the road without even looking to see if anybody's coming. two of them I had to like

not slam the brakes but you know stuff you know a little aggressively which I appreciate because you know fuck my brakes right without even like looking and then when I you know the third time I was pissed off I honked you fucking

gave me the bird fuck you man like oh you know if I just gunned it right now you'd like at least be crippled like Fed posting fuck is wrong like they have no like evolutionary like me to survive

Fed posting Fed posting. Kicked out of them from all the fucking pandering we do. What did you think she was going to do your honking at her? What she's supposed to do? Sorry? The other day, last

week actually when I was driving home, driving through Van Nuys, and there was this fucking tweaked out lady on the corner and she's like screaming at everybody and I'm way down at the fucking, you know, in line at this turn. Yeah. She's going on and on and people

are just standing around her film and just kind of laughing. Yeah. And when it's my turn to turn left, I roll my window down to stick my head out and go, shut the fuck up, you stupid ass bitch. And I roll my window and as I'm driving my ass here, go, ah, and I'm just driving like, yes, bitch. Like, fuck you.

You just got to hit him with it sometimes, man. What do you want? Dude, I knew it was funny because I started laughing. Shut the fuck up, you stupid ass bitch. So good. I was going slow because it's a left turn too, so I just got to do like a 360 camera of like watching him. Like, ah, fuck.

It was so good. It felt so gratifying. That's what you need podcast, prophet. Yeah. Just lean out your window. Trying to knock her ass over. Do something. You're out there trying to teach lessons.

Yeah. Hey, Richard. Hey, Jonathan. Hello. That fucking story about the shit pit and the plumbing guy and the fucking stealing of the sucky ones by your dad. like I think Kyle from PCA is one of the best storytellers. I don't want to believe another podcast here

but that fucking story man had me on the edge of my seat while I'm driving on my fucking office down the power away. I was cracking up of that fucking story. That was good, good, Dave. Glad he found out that the shit pit. We know where it is now. We know how to think. It found it, man.

40 grand. Dude, as I was walking in today, I was like, there it fucking is, dude. There's that chunk of sidewalk that fucking they put there to hide the shit pit. Dude, look, there at fucking. I gotta get in there. I gotta get under there. You gotta get in there, man.

I need some exploratory surgery in my front yard. Fucking colonoscopy, man. They got some method of doing it. You know, they got like a fucking bar. Take like a big immersion blender and just fucking stick it in there. I need some tech. Digging bar, dude. Tell you.

You got a digging bar or something. Digging bar out in the sun for a day? You'll be a changed man. Bum, bum, bum. Be like, why the fuck did I spend all day? son with the digging bar. Hey Dick and Johnny. So instead of my

neighbor downstairs below me because I have an apartment, instead of coming up to my apartment and knocking on my door and telling me I'm being too loud, always calls the fucking cops on me and my landlord. He never wants to come knocking on my

fucking door because he's too much a fucking coward to face me. And I guess I've learned that next time I'm too loud and the cops get sent. I'm getting evicted. And this could have all been avoided just if he just knocked on my door and told me to shut the fuck off.

Like, I've been living here for seven years. That's my fucking rage. Love you, boys. I don't know, the way you're talking about it makes me seem like it wouldn't have been an easy discussion. Hey, can you keep it down? Yeah.

The way to use words like confront and coward. Busy, yeah. Yeah. Fucking bitch ass wouldn't come up and say some shit. They got to have like a reprobate. The rep, everybody wants to live one level above their level of

degeneracy, you know? Have to. This guy doesn't want, he doesn't want to live with other people making music like that because it's annoying. He wants to live. You get to be making music totally fine. Yeah, but then there's some building

where it's full of reprobates, but there's somebody's making meth. Right? He doesn't want to live in the meth-making area. He wants to live with all the loud assholes. you know right this is always how it is you know he's trying to dress for the job you want right exactly exactly dick i don't know what to do i woke up ramaswami won the governor primary in ohio against a man who fellated fowcci and carried out every one of his

policies Ohio has to choose now between a woman and an Indian Yeah What are we going to do I don't know what I'm going to do I have to move I tell you I'm leaving Ohio Yeah

Hopefully the woman wins I just I hate Ramaswammy so much I hate him so much I would rather everything just get torched than that stupid cock sucker win anything Fuck I mean at least

You hope that the Democrats have to They have to do a Uno Reversey On policy quickly Before their precious minorities outnumber them Because like it happened in Canada Where those liberal idiots in Canada

Have been importing millions of Indians Because Thinking that they'll vote for free shit Which is mostly true But They would There's one thing they would rather vote for Than free shit

It's one of them So you can't, the Democrats have a tight, they're walking a tightrope because they have to bring in immigrants to get any votes at all because they're giving out our money. But if they bring in too many immigrants, then the white Democrats get voted out for immigrants

because the immigrants don't give immigrants rant, any race, except for white people, every race, votes for their own race and then free shit right below that. So they got to keep, they got to keep it in the free, shit lane without spilling over into the oh fuck now they're just voting for immigrants fuck we blew it right um so amy actin she's still in that sweet spot but she's an idiot so she probably doesn't

know that not you know not all liberals know what i'm saying they should they better learn in a hurry or they're going to keep doing it or they're going to do too much immigration and then it's you know then we got to get hit hitler too can't overmodulate and breach orbit. Yeah, you breach and you overflow it. You overflow the shit pit. Shit gets everywhere. You got to keep it right at the top.

Shit gets all in your streets. The meniscus is... Shit meniscus is bubbling over the top. One more. One more turd. One more turd is going to overflow the bolt. And that turd is Vivek Ramoswamy. This Christmas crashouts.

Uh, I don't know. You've got to vote Amy Acton, I guess. Maybe we have, maybe we have more luck just taking over Democratic Party. Because they are, Democrats, they're Nazis. Like, everyone in, everyone in the Democratic Party is bad and evil. Like, they're all fucking horrible. So they're capable of doing evil things. They just need the evil directed into a way that's self-preserving.

You know what might stop it? What? Is getting Britain to run a, recolonize India party? Yeah. Someone should start the East India Tea Company again. Except we're not shipping tea and we're not doing a lot of importing. We're shipping you all back.

We're doing, we're an export only company now this time. The British East India Company or whatever the fuck goes. Yeah. Yeah, good idea. Oldest corporation in the book, baby, let's fucking go. They are, the restore says there, man, they talk a big game about booting Muslim sex pests

or whatever they're calling them well that and it's like what if what if like a bunch of British guys were back in like Indian like parliament or whatever the fuck and just like started like you just see a bunch of white dudes and the fucking

um in the hats and everything yeah and the old school hats just get John Jeet Singh over there dude fucking y'all ain't gonna believe this all right

that cord is a real thing DAT cord Oh like Discord and then dat cord Dacord Dacord? Datt cord If it's anything like Black Planet

It's probably really cool dude Okay Hey dick Rage for you Fucking cough Cops Yeah I fucking see more Open source Discord client is datcord

That's funny Okay let's do Let's do your Johnny's brain wrong Here we go Oh man Here we go All right everybody

So Here's a divorce dad From overseas Oh what is going on With his eyes It's like a divorced Fred Flintstone Dude

He looks like the primus Cowboy guys It's like Out of shape Yeah You got work out And you got Pamp to yourself

Even as a man So if you are eyebrows bit of air dye, a little bit of Botox, and you're away. Ready for the bank of the weekend. Has eyebrows look like Sharpies. Yeah, dude.

Taking one from all the Latinos out here, man. Looks like Wario. It's Wario in Scotland. Yeah, anyway, he's just out there living his life, but that showed up on my timeline and it was like, God damn. Okay. So, safety first.

Love you guys. India? Yes, but not in the way you might think. Oh, Jesus. You got to have your protective pads. Do they have tampacks all over themselves? They're putting menstrual pads. They're sticking armor. They're making like hockey armor out of tampax.

A little safety pads, dude. Why is there just like an unopened box of tampons sitting in the dirt? that they're playing with. Well, it's from the dust and to the dust, you shall return, dude. You know? How did an unopened box of menstrual pot products end up here? Yeah, that might be the only box that was in the country, I think.

Jesus Christ. Okay. So next, should have called the Grave-Digger. Now, is this a monster truck joke or a Grave-Digger, the Guy joke? It's people in umbrellas. Okay. watching a monster truck rally, it looks like. Okay.

And there goes the monster truck. Zooming along. And it's in the crowd. Oh, my God. It turns out. You should have called both gravediggers. Oh, is that real? Yeah, dude.

Tragedy in the show. Because what happens is those engines can run away sometimes. There's a lot of safety precautions on about here, actually. Oh, but not in Mexico. Nope. Wow. An expectulo, a spectacle, a spectacle,

termino in tragedy, in Papayan, Colombia, then that a vehicle type Monster Truck wouldierer the control and so impact to contact other assistentes during

an event Massivo Dehando at least Three persons Muertas Yeah, three dead, 30 injured Most of 30 Lisonades

Wow Those people got fucking flattened Yeah, dude It's like comical watching it but it's like, oh shit I guess that's why they do this shit We do the shit in like a stadium

Yeah, where people aren't just like standing on the fucking sidelines. It's not a parade route. Stupid. The ones out here have a remote like ignition kill switches so they can just shut the fucking thing off in case that happens. Okay, and this is called Panning for Gold. Now, Dick, I don't know if you're into holistic medication at all. God damn it.

So this is, what these people are doing is drinking olive oil and orange juice and then claiming that it's ridding their body of this thing. Yeah. But really what it's doing is creating soap in your body. I'll throw up. So it's a toilet. And they got a grate, one of those like mesh metal grates from cooking. It's like something you would strain like a grave here.

Also Mexico. Yep. I think this might be Brazil. Yeah, really get the right position. You got the strainer there? But then... Oh, what? Look at all the little soap bubbles.

Is that piss or shit? Shit, dude. Oh, God. It's a cleanse where people just drink olive oil and orange juice. And this is the byproducts of it. And they should a bunch of peas and stuff out? Yeah.

And then they think it's ridding their body of this thing when really all it did was create little soap balls. green soapballs god they think it's like a gallbladder that's fucking nasty man I saw that and was like add that to the collection

much much gracias a to I tell us very a video I like limpia the casa is because

he's because he's visitas. But the calculus no can get

the conducts of the vesicula are very little are

very men I want to see less the teleph the telephone

no was necessary that I were a testigo

in this what does that mean else the phone no it's not necessary to test show strength in this

Fuera? No Yeah there's no chakal in here vicino le de Vuelo el collador I'm gonna go to the ass doctor is that what that means thank you el

La Corido the 1st of May This is This is fucking horrible, man This guy's giving poop Dad to run for his money He's like, look at that shit

Since he's Brazilian I was half expecting him to reach in And shake a couple up like dice And chug him back Like Zusha Chooch a couple of them to his dome Okay It's just spray

It's like you're It's like you're washing off rocks from the beach And like your shirt or something For those of you who drive expensive cars with Atmos systems And you're welcome Goodbye

See you next week Everybody