The Dick Show - Episode 509 - Dick on Bad Guy Summer

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

TV bad guys save the world, vending machines vs. future astronauts, trick bath bombs, LA cancels BBQs, homeless police, sports addiction and women's MMA, the Skeletor voice, Mixtape, data centers, Kars 4 Kids, and the fight over Charlie Kirk's everlasting soul; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Alright, okay, cool. Here we are. Bubbubbubbbba-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bba-ba-ba-ba-ba. I don't hear me, or I don't see me, because there's no banana running. Fucking banana, dude. Bab-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-a-ba-ba-a-a. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Good old queer Toids is there.

With some saying some retarded shit like fucking always. Fucking retarded always shit. Like, yeah, he does. D-D-D-D-D-D-D. I'm going to leave that open. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, I got a good fat lady encounter. Yeah?

Oh, dude. Me and my big mouth. dude but her and her big ass a scar if i can cause too many problems d-de-de-de-de-dee-dee do dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee okay do-dee dee dee check check check see forks I think it's going to work flawlessly today I think so. I got a good feeling. I got a good feeling about this and nothing else. Come on, baby. Come on, come on, cheek. Cleek. Perhaps if I go into the Rumble Studio. Get paid. Enter. Yeah. Well, I noticed some shifting. I noticed some shifting.

Recent Uh Live events Uh Okay Oh no Oh no Wait a minute

Do I have this right? Probably not right Watch it like just stop I know That's always what I think Ah Oh It did

God damn it God Okay So where's this? I should have clicked on it. That's dead now too. Oh man. Oh, man, buddy.

Oh, man. I got too eager. The same guy that calculated the perfect amount of time for you to pull in the door handle again. So you always beat it by like a half a second and feel stupid. That same guy calculated the streaming algorithm

so that when you're waiting for the latency to see if it's working, right when you click the cancel button, it pops up. Really a remarkable mathematician. Hector Faganucci is his name. The famous Italian mathematician. It's Italian mathematician. Ima was his name.

Right. What did I say? His name was Faginucci? I think that's real. That's okay to say. we have the last name it's my last name too so I could say it

whenever I go out the people always shout there goes that inward guy okay now we gotta wait from scratch for it to start again and I can't like I can't front run it you know

is the audio fine I lost my ability to tell when audio is fine or not you know I kind of did too actually. Oh, dude. I'll tell you what. Hearing things

at double the volume really sucks. You'd think it was cool, but actually it fucking sucks. You hear too much. Yeah, that's the truth.

If I just had one wish, if I had three wishes, all of them would be for God to make me deaf so I didn't have to listen to women anymore. But instead, I can hear women

all the way down the street talking about love is blind. They're all talking about the same thing as it turns out. When my wife, my wife starts talking about it, the woman down the street is still talking about it. They pick up like the Borg.

B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, you know, like, whackamol. One bitch stops talking about love is blind. Some other bitch somewhere randomly on Earth starts talking about love is blind. I had a rare instance where a bitch heard me finally. Oh, whoa! That's like an American tall tale. So get this. Yeah.

I'm at the car wash. Yeah, right. Okay. Are you gonna play that murderer that you secretly recorded on the show? Maybe. You want to walk us through that story? That's a good one, yeah. You can't tease me with that shit right before the show.

Oh, that was the only two parts of it. That was a pretty outrageous recording you played me, Johnny. That's a pretty outrageous fucking recording. You should turn that into the LAPD. Was he a homeless crack addict playing with his feces? No. Then the LAPD might be able to do. something about it. They might be able. What race was he? I think he was a white guy.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That's a big problem for him. For sure, kill count. That's going to be a big problem for him. All right, so this Vimeo shit doesn't work. Whatever, I didn't think this would work. Well, look at this. I'm at the car wash. Uh-huh. This great subscription car wash. Get my car done. It's all nice. And I'm at the... Oh, you're on the sub. I keep meaning to take my son to the car wash. It's great. Yeah. And there's a whole strip of vacuums and shit open, so I'm cool. Oh, you do that part? I do that. Just because it was

fucking dirty, dude. It got to that point where I had to. It's okay, though, because it's included, no big. Yeah. So I pull off to the side, cool. No one, there's all this extra space if someone fucking decides to come through. Oh, no. That's on them.

This fucking fat bitch pulls up right into the stall next to me. How big was she? And what was her body shape? Her body shape? Some fat bitches are like a battleship turned sideways kind of fat bitch. Right. Well, it's like the McNugget shapes, right?

There's like four different parts of types. Some of them have the pointy head. Yeah. You get the boot. You get the grimmis. You get the boot. You get the boot. Well, she was one of those where her ass was like a shelf.

Oh, man. That's a rough one. That's a rough one. Do you think they have a coming out? party like when they discover what kind of fat bitch they're gonna be like am i gonna be a dumpus am i gonna be a fat ass a shelf ass tomagotchi the more you feed it the more it takes shape dude yeah her elbows there was a whole is there a workout program that they do so you gotta smoke blunts is there like an evil billy blanks that has like a fat bitch body training workout the fupa guy

fupa man phupa or no fupa shall prosper oh yeah well i guess he's weird on your segment. That guy was fucking weird, dude. That was mind-blowing. A whole gym dedicated to fat women, specifically their fupas. And smoking weed while they work out, dude. Because he's got to, like,

it's like releasing animals back into the wild. You got to, like, teach him how to hunt again, right? So you can't just make a fat bitch start working out. You've got to, like, put her on weed. It's like your dentist, like, leaving a candy bowl out. Yeah. It's like, oh yeah, no, the weed will definitely not give you cravings or anything to keep you a fat bitch. It's like putting my credit card number on my balls.

Go ahead, you can order more stuff off Amazon. Check out the credit card number, though. It's new. I crossed it out and made a new one. Well, get this. So her elbow has a whole shelf on it too. I'm like, oh, Jesus fucking Christ. And she's on.

This one, man. Yeah. Fucking Mexican Bibendum over here. and so she's fucking on the phone. She was Mexican? Yeah. Are you sure? How could you tell?

How could I not smell? But I... She had that fish mouth. Yeah, well, she was loudly complaining on the phone. Yeah. I was just like, oh, Jesus. Oh, oh. That could be any of them.

That could be any of the races. Right. Well, it was when I saw her, I was like, okay, I definitely know. But, so I was using the vacuum on the passenger side, got my passenger side all done and I go to grab the one on the driver's side right and she had taken it for her passenger side and I'm like doesn't no clue and I'm like no clue what's going on lady like there's a whole you could have parked at any other fucking thing she's copying you she's like I don't know how to work any of this stuff so I'm gonna go well she she she got a good look at you and she's like oh

that's one of those skinny guys that likes fat bitches I'm gonna take my I'm gonna take because fat fat bitches have let me Johnny let me tell you something about fat bitch They have, on their Terminator radar, they can identify suitable mates with like buff black guy, buff, super buff guy? Yeah. Or like meth skinny guy, stretch, you know? Yeah. Stretch and swole. They got them.

So she narrowed in on you and she's like, I got to go see if this guy's like skinny. What kind of skinny he is? I need a no-favitch's sticker on my car, dude. I mean, it's already lowered. I need one all over. everything I own like a NASCAR racer. I'm going to call up NASCAR. Like, yeah, can I...

Sponsorship? Can you guys send me one of those uniforms you have with all the ads, except put all the ads, no fat bitches in every language on earth? It's bite proof, too. Bide proof. It's flame retardy.

Yeah, so get this. I'm sitting in my car now miserable because, like, pretending to waste time with my vacuum, because now she's on her passenger side. And she stole it? Well, she stole one from my driver's side. Not only can I not get over to vacuum anyway.

Yeah. Because the other one doesn't reach. But she's in the fucking way. And so I go, I go, oh, great. And this fat hog. And she immediately turns around. He said that? Yeah.

Because I thought it was quiet just because I was in my car. It turns out as I'm getting out of my car. You got to be pretending to look at your phone and go like, this fat hog on inst... Oh. Yeah. What do you think I was saying? It didn't help that I, like, threw my hand up. can disgust, too, but she immediately turned around and had this look on her face.

Like, I killed one of her kids or something, and I was just like... I ate them. I just got it was like... Did you kill one of my kids and throw it away without eating it? That's probably what she's thinking. She didn't leave me the bone? Throw the body away? Were there bones in there?

I could eat in the bones. Dude, all I could do was kind of shrug. And then just like, I started to vacuum out my driver's side. So as I'm doing it, she's mean mugging me and talking shit on the phone. I'm like, whatever, lady. Is she talking shit to? She was talking shit to one of her friends. Yeah.

Yeah, about some lady who was pretending to be an intern or something. And I was just like... At her job. Mexican women, fat Mexican women have an internship program around L. You know, you see them all the time around L.A. At dentist's office and stuff. They don't actually get paid. It's like a retarded people outreach thing where they just go there and just cause trouble in fights.

Dude. That's what they get paid to do. One of my friends who worked at Disney told me the funniest shit that the Mexican lady like the housekeeper ladies would hide the remotes and the employee lounge That's exactly what they would do Yeah

In the favorite tell of the spencer Is because they have the key for them So only they can watch TV They belong in prison Yeah They belong in prison Not in the office They should all be sent to prison

Or we can just do diverse DEI seminars And they could spend all day Every fat Latina in the In L.A could spend all day at the diversity seminar talking about their nails.

Talking about... Yeah. Yeah. And their baby daddy. It's crazy, man. That's work. Welcome to work. So, when does the first seminar start

about my nails puppy? Well, dude, he was like... We'll send him to bitch school. He's like, yeah, man. He's like, you'd go in and be like, hey, can we change the fucking channel? And he's like, you'd get these Guatemalan ladies who would just kind of give you this dirty look.

Like, whoa, we don't know where the remote is. Romney, remoddy. Yeah, and he's like, oh, okay, I'm not watching this shit. I guess I go eat my fucking car. Then there's a fat one out there vacuuming the car. Man, that vacuum must have been pumping out some serious snacks. Well, it's like the ghost vacuum in Luigi's Mansion. The more dirt she collects.

The more points she gets can buy more snacks. You should have, like, lost control of the vacuum. Sucked it on her. you know, stick it. Does this stick them? Yeah. Oh! All right.

Oh, these are on. Whoa. Is this thing on? Vimeo, no. You fucked me, Vimeo, you piece of shit. You fucking piece of shit. Yeah! You want to dig any dick, you love to you.

Yeah. This is a show where it's a contest. Give me live from Mountain Bunker Deep in the Hode City of Failure. Join me, as always, is Johnny O'Don. Johnny O Johnny O the audio engineer of the audio engineer Johnny O the knee engineer Betvigee. That fucking piano tuners Audio is haunting me. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. Ding ding ding ding

I'm gonna kill you. You better watch out for that guy. Dude, this was years ago. Well he told me about this years ago and played me the recordings and I started laughing. It's the funniest shit I've ever heard. I'm going to kill you. And then the ding. Ding, thing. I mean, look, he might be a psychopath, but he is on the job.

He's a good piano tuner. Hell of a piano tuner. What are people doing? What are people doing these days? I don't know, dude. Do we have a new mayor yet? That Indian bitch who got here last week wants to ban barbecues. I said, oh, no, please somebody translate this.

Please translate this from white bitch into Mexican and get this out to all the Mexicans in L.A. that this Indian bitch who arrived here a week and a half ago is going to ban barbecues. See what they think about that. You are not banning barbecues in fucking Inglewood. See what they think about that. Because of the fires, the wildfires.

Unless she thinks the homeless are, when they're burning their feces, they're doing barbecues. Maybe she thinks those are Mexicans. Maybe it's because the white fentanyl addicts are so dark and tan. She thinks those are actually Mexicans having barbecue and they're making, they're grilling poop. She's Indians. So maybe she thinks out. Well, there must be doing barbecues here.

That's not fucking happening. The grilling culture is off the charts out here. It's crazy, man. The only people who can win anymore in politics are bad TV. guys. Yeah. That's it. That's the, that's the future. The bad, it's the future of the bad guys. They're the only ones, they're the only ones who are uniquely trained and gifted in the ways of media manipulation vis-a-vis the manufacturing of consent, the manufacturing of consensus across multimedia platforms. They're the only ones who bucket, right? Spencer Pratt, will

class asshole Trump world class asshole that's all we're gonna you can't you can't survive you can't survive on a media political landscape anymore without having served serious time as a TV asshole dude because you're go ahead that's the one

thing we should be blaming Reagan for yeah I was gonna I was thinking that too like oh this is the natural evolution of where we started with you know Kennedy Kennedy looking good on TV Reagan understanding

media manipulation and spread, right? That we're selling a coffee commercial, right? We're not selling a policy or anything. We're selling a coffee commercial. Then the bad guys picked up on that, and they're like, oh, shit. We got to manufacture consensus as hard as possible. We got a bunch of fucking women who are voting, and all we got to, you know, they'll buy anything.

They'll buy just whatever they think everybody else is buying, right? And then we've, and then this archetype of man, this new type of man, this new type of man, the TV asshole, who's not even that really a bad of a guy and who understands that they just ask you shit you can't answer like you're on a witness stand and then flip it around against you, right?

Yeah. Only the type of person who can endure that environment. And of course I understand it very well because it's me, you know. Like I know what it's like, not to the degree that these guys do. Right.

But everyone's going to be. gonna hate you. You have to know, you have to accelerate into everyone's gonna hate you, make it part of your identity, and then sell that identity to everyone. Well, it's great too. It's great. We've cracked it, Johnny. They don't have an answer for that. They don't have an answer for a TV bad guy yet. Well, nobody does. It's like, um, it's like when Elijah Wood was like, you know what? I'm gonna start DJing. And everyone who's been like DJing forever. It's like, well, fuck, I can't like, now no one wants to see me. So it's like, you get to a point. where you're like, well, shit, I guess I should do the side missions.

And it's like, you live in L.A. long enough and you've been on TV enough. And you're like, you know what? Like, it's all your stupid policies that ruin my fucking industry, you assholes. Fuck you guys. You guys fucking ruin everything. You ruined fucking everything we had. I like seeing this set of side quests in his mission now. Yeah, we got to find more TV assholes.

The only thing they get thrown is, oh, yeah. So he's just a TV asshole. Like, yeah. That's the only guy. You put anybody else in there who cares, who, doesn't even care a little bit about what people think, but who actively is trained to reject it. Actively trained to reject manufactured consensus and can spot it. You know, like, uh-oh, I see you're trying to fucking manufacture a fucking consensus on me.

How about this? Have a little Darvo action for you, buddy. You're in the Beverly Hills Hotel. Oh, yeah, that's because they burn my house down. And they're trying to attack me and kill me. Like, yes. The Mr. Garrison method. God, I got to go get my baby kissed by Spencer Pratt

So that when he's An adult and he has a picture of him You know What the fuck were you doing kissing babies, asshole? Jesus You gotta kiss the babies or shake the baby which one shake hands Kiss the hand shake the baby, I don't remember That's crazy Here's what Karen Bass said

How many people who are unhoused Karen Bass's current mayor? L.A. Black lady? I don't know. don't know how that happened. Stupid. Probably because she looks Latina. She looks like a, like a Buela.

Is it because everyone was listening and learning? Yeah. Because she looks like a Latina. Fatso Latina, you know. She looks like that, she looks like a lesbian aunt. And every Mexican family has. That's why they voted for her. They didn't know she was black.

Karen Bass says, how many people who are unhoused that you meet have no teeth at all. They don't have teeth. Why? Because meth rots your teeth. You can't succeed without teeth. Is this real? Did I get... Is this an AI quote?

What the fuck? You can't succeed without teeth? Without teeth. Yeah, free dental care. She says you can't succeed without teeth. Mayor of L.A. is saying that the tax man should come and rip out people's teeth to give them to the homeless. Look at this.

Listen to this shit. have no teeth at all. They don't have teeth. Why? Because meth rots your teeth. You can't succeed without teeth. So there needs to be comprehensive health care provided to people. Bitch are not taking my teeth? What the fuck are you talking about? How many homeless got no teeth? You can't succeed without teeth. Get the hell out of here. Well, Dick, how are you supposed to eat Pop-Tarts if you don't have teeth? How can you, how can you succeed without? teeth. Great question. That's the question on everyone's mind.

How can me and my how can me and my family succeed without teeth? I wake up every day, he's wondering what am I going to, what would I do if I didn't have any fucking teeth? Because I did meth for 12 years, lived on the street. How would you feel if you didn't brush your non-existent teeth

this morning? Fucking retarded man. This is that fucking Oswald, what's his face? Tabal pot. Call it. The prison guy? Yeah.

Yes, it is! You need the teeth. You need the teeth. And then how many people got no teeth? Talking about teeth. That's a platform. One of the biggest cities in the world. What are we going to do with all these missing teeth?

You think the dental lobby finally reached that tipping point where they finally? You're like, why? You got to say a thing. You guys are giving out a million bucks a tooth to a NGO. Teeth for all. Where we take kids' teeth that fall out. We send sex offenders to your house if your kids lost their teeth

and we collect their teeth and we fucking stab it into a homeless guy's face. Don't worry. We're not going to do a lot of it, but we are getting paid a billion dollars. We fill a bunch of meth heads, faces with baby teeth. Tooth fairy's across Ella. Yeah, we got a bunch of Epstein-powered. Epstein tooth cracked out motherfucker

in fairy outfits Dude, that would be crazy You could fit like five or six extra teeth in there if they're all babysized twins We got this home. This guy's got 50 teeth! Jesus! Look at that shit. Look like a bad drawing.

Got 50 baby teeth. He could chew through a bike lock and be gone in 60 seconds. God damn. You can chew through your car. Chew through your fucking ass. This guy's chominy. hopping after you like a piranha.

Yeah. He's going to eat another asshole in you. Man, Spencer Bratz got a winner. We're fucked. We're all, we're going to have to give up our teeth. They're going to come door to door and knock your teeth out of your head. Giving up my fucking teeth, man. Well, I will die for the, I will die on that hill.

You're not taking my teeth. You're not taking my son's teeth. Send him to Israel to get polished up. Refined. They send back some fucking Ivarite piano keys shit. These aren't the teeth I sent you. Israel? I'm sending back bogus teeth. Every other one's black.

This one's a rock. It's not even a tooth anymore. It's just a... Boy, well, get oh. Blah! You got cars for kids stuff got stomped? That's... California's not all bad.

It's not all bad, man. We just got these crooks. Everyone's about we need a TV fucking bad guy to come in and whip ass. He's like, I've seen those ads a million times. Actually, that's not true. Fuck this. They said you're doing something wrong. Guess what I am doing something wrong? Fuck you.

That's the play. I'm gonna do a whole lot more wrong stuff. Vote for me. I'm a bad guy. Because what you're doing is not consensus. The consensus you're manufacturing is like, four out of five, Dennis agree that's smoking, you know. This tight.

It's fucking fat chicks is awesome. Four out of five women agree that going down on fat women is awesome. Oh, is that the consensus? No, thank you. Pass. That's, that's, that's, that's the age of, that's the age of anxiety we find ourselves in. Overriding your rational brain, which is consensus-based, this should be consensus-based, dumping manufactured garbage consensus on there. Four out of five doctors agree that fucking fat chicks is fine by me. No.

No, thanks. Yeah, four out of five doctors should agree not to get your bones crushed and made into bread. You don't even need all your teeth. Hand them over. Mail them in. Mail them into the franchise tax board, California. Do you think they'll accept that as payment?

It'll be mandatory. They'll send out a fucking infrared scanner to scan for teeth. They'll send out a mercury scanner, scan right through your walls. And meanwhile, some meth head can shit in the street. Like totally like two cops just kind of sit there and they're like yeah son of a bitch We gotta be we got to have a tune up patrol guys dressed up like millie Vanilly driving around the city in a 80s

Magenta police 80s fucking Maui brand colored cop cars pulling over and kicking the shit out of homeless people Beating the beating the teeth out of them putting teeth in their head beating it out of them That's what Spencer Pratt wants for L.A. I'm for it. They got to be in prison or they got to be executed. Dude, we need it, man. They got to be gone.

Because like shit, like she's saying, too, is just this like, well, all that they're missing is teeth. And then they can just like. You know what he? Wait, it started. When I was a kid, it was like, well, they need opportunities. They need an education. They need job skills.

They need a place to clean up. They need a place where employers can call. Yeah. You know, if they get an opportunity and now it has progressed to, well, they need some teeth. These motherfuckers, they just need some teeth. Yeah, surely that will... I'm taking the teeth they have back. Yeah. I'm finding the homeless and the meth heads. They got two, even two teeth is too many. We're gonna take they're they got too many teeth actually. Looks weird having one or two teeth. You got no teeth? People see, look at this little baby. Oh, this is a trustworthy little baby. Yeah, if you do got one. one or two teeth, you fucking look insane.

Yeah, but no teeth, anything reasonable could have happened. That's like the comb over of fucking dental work. Yeah. What are two? It is! It's like, damn, man. Just like, give it the fuck up, dude. Can't they get, like, some teeth from China and just go around downtown handing them out?

Like, here, just, you know, glue them in there. There's a factory. I'm sure that's pre-making them all. Get some oranges and, like, draw a little teeth on them. Here you go, orange slice. Put the orange peel in there. A little false. oil grill.

I saw that. How the fuck could that come out of your mouth? How can you succeed with no teeth? I don't know if succeeding is on your radar. Roadmap. That's like a fucking, I think you should leave bit. Teeth for the homeless? That's like a Nathan for you bit.

What are the homeless needs to succeed? Teeth. I have teeth. You have teeth. There was a... George Washington, famous for his teeth. Fucking look around you episode about calcium and how if we didn't have calcium,

we wouldn't be able to have teeth. What was this show? It's like an old, like British show. It was with Peter Serafinoitz and a couple other people, but it was... Oh, it was a joke. Yeah, it's all joke show, but it's like focused way too much on just teeth. Man, I was really psyched for the Masters of the Universe movie. Were you?

Yeah. I don't think you're psyched for a movie. I was fucking pumped. Since the last Fast and the Furious movie. I'm psyched for that Some guy that I got access To his Plex server I don't know how

But any of you guys who gave me access to your Plex server Some of you fucked it up and your Plex server No longer shows up So you gotta fix that up Because I can't have my wife talking to me About the movie thing Doesn't work anymore And then additional things

You know Cut that shit out Um One of their One of their servers Has like a fake Fast and Furious X2 movie and it's dated like in the year a million

so it always shows up at the front it's been pissing me off for like six years he sent it to me like hey dick check out my Plex server oh awesome free movies and stuff but that one I said oh yeah X2 is out shit they went to space are they going to drive into heaven this time to find Charlie Kirk

they're going to find Paul Walker and drive around drag race god they can all crash into trees in heaven too They're going to steal God's dick. That's the plot of Fast and the Furious 2. X, 2, 11, or 20. I don't know which one it is. Yeah.

They're going to drive into heaven and steal God's dick. They're going to look under his robes. They're going to go past heaven at one point and get into fractal world. And Luda is going to be like, what's that other black guy? Tyrese. Tyree's going to go like, you looked at God's dick. Like, how am I supposed to steal it? I ain't looking at the dick.

I ain't trying to say you can't steal it, but you look at God's dick. And they're going to be driving, you know, with this big cock. The car's, like, in space with the top down, and they're just arguing all the way home still. They did drive into space. They did.

My wife said, this is stupid. I said, get the hell out of this house. And then I made her watch the first one. She goes, how did they go from stealing DVD players driving in space? He had to be there. He had to be there. It really did evolve.

It felt natural. Still does. Still does. So I can't wait to see the second one. I don't know when it's coming out. I was excited for that He-Man shit. And then I saw the trailer and they showed Skeletor. And I was like, all right, here it comes, right?

Here comes Skeletor. Oh, He-Man. And they gave him some D&D Ballrog voice, you know. Oh, like, oh, come. Come on. That's so stupid. That's so stupid. You made it gay.

It was awesome when he was like, fuck you he, man. Yeah, when he was a big piece of shit, it's cool. Like he's evil and he has an annoying voice? Oh no. That would suck to get yelled at by that guy. People in another room hearing you getting chewed out by some penis breath, you know. No. Cockmouth motherfucker, man.

But they changed it, so now he talks like a demon. Like, all right, well, this sucks. That does suck. Like. Who the fuck's gonna quote? Why would you change the most important part of the Skeletor? The only reason to watch that shit is fucking Skeletor. Ah ha, ha, ha, he, man.

He's like the annoyed, man. Yeah, dude. He just is there to fucking piss you off. Fucking annoy you, piss you off, steal your shit. He has everything that he could possibly want. Right. He's just a jerk. He's not like...

What a piece of shit, man. I know. His guys just kind of suck. Everyone that he has kind of sucks. Yeah. You know. You understand why he's like that. Chinese skeletons.

He's like, he's got no face. His guys are assholes. But the change his voice? It's like... It's not the same guy. Sucks. Uh. we gotta line up

we gotta find all the TV assholes man they're the only ones that can save us now I'm thinking like what if they read it a big trouble in little China but David Lopan was like a serious guy yeah exactly

like what the like it just British you know Jack get it out of here because he was under Hong Kong rule if he was Filipino that actually might be pretty good too they're the only they're the only

The TV bad guys are the only ones that will say, maybe just internet bad guys in general. So, like, what do you think about these policies? Like, don't, so you're A-logging me, right? What do you say to these people that say you're living in a hotel? Like, they're jealous. Sprinkle in it if you want to know the truth about it. Exactly.

If only we could, if only we could rebuild Raoul, put them back together. To do, like, a pretty woman, get him to run for city council. Rob Ford was just the tip of it. Like, huh, he would have made a good TV bad guy But now we know Um

Oh man How did we go back to that? Like, like, ha ha Canada's got a guy who's smoking crack Like that's cool and now it's like Like Canada's idiot junior now Oh god, I don't know I don't know how they're gonna pull out of it out Was it because he smoked crack or was it because he stopped smoking crack?

I think it's because he stopped smoking crack Ah, see It was cool as long as he was smoking it That Do you see all? paint flinged all over my house. I did. What the fuck happened there?

I don't know, man. These, um... The guy, I hired a guy to come paint my house, right? Fix some drywall. After they put in the Mario tubes in the ceiling. Yeah, I'm afraid it's gonna, like, like a big hamster is gonna be walking through with some shit. Kappi Barra is gonna fall out of the ceiling.

Fucking eating your nuts. Get my skeleton out. And he talked a good game, you know, reasonable prices, had good attitude. And then halfway through the job, he came up and he said, he saw one of the Burning Man pictures, I don't know, and he's like, oh, yeah. Or you saw some of the guitars up in my office. He said, oh, that's cool. You play music? I said, I don't like where this conversation. I never have liked a conversation that starts like that, by the way.

It's never a good... I would be less. offended if you came up to me and started a conversation by saying how's your wife's pussy but then oh you play guitar huh someone comes up and it's like hey uh you remember watching salad fingers on the internet back on that's offensive yeah oh you play guitar huh no just for looks came with the house it's for my Airbnb and he goes oh I'm a DJ and I said uh oh oh let me see hold on let me see what kind of painting you've been doing. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Man, they must be running out of Saran Wrap or something in Mexico because they didn't cover up anything. Flinged all the fuck over. The fucking Chinese guys next door doing the painting that they wouldn't do for me. Flinged it all over the place.

They're having paint, flicking paint fights. It's like a fucking Dr. Seuss book over here. Yeah, maybe they think it adds character. You got it all over the wall here, man. Got some vibe to it now. Your vibe painting? Is that what you're doing?

Fucking vibe painting my house? You got Jackson Polack painting with the back of the brush over here. Were you fucking mixing with one hand? Painting with the other? It's just like... You know, it flies everywhere, right? Like, do the job you're hired for. Don't show up and start talking about all the 9,000 other things you do,

because now I know you're not good at any of them. I thought I asked all the standard questions Like you're gonna do a good job right Hmm You're not gonna do anything weird right You're gonna rape my dog, are you? But Dennis was like, do you want to check out my mixtape? I would be like, get me the fuck out of this chair

I don't even I'm glad I can't see in my mouth Who knows what the dentist is doing Flinging around stuff in there Every time you go in they just mess your teeth up a little more I think they stab your gums extra on purpose Just to like just like leave a little initial there like a date

I had I went in for a night guard that they've been telling me to give forever I went in when my ears started ringing because I'm like I'll just do everything I'll just try anything and everything to stop this I went in for the night guard and this fat bitch with

uh well was it it felt like a uh it felt like a a shoehorn was doing she's like this thing's perfect it takes a perfect image of your mouth of your teeth and then we send it in Yeah.

And it's like, I don't know what's wrong with this machine. It was built for maybe a horse or something. Because it doesn't fit in a human mouth. It's a weird. Yeah. And she's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And she's like, oh, wait. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Oh, wait. This damn thing, and she fucking hits it like she's on quantum leap. Weir. Dude. So the guy comes in. He's like, I don't know. This other Asian woman comes in and she's like, da-da-da-da-da-da. Okay, it's fine.

Right. It works right away. And then I get this shit back. It doesn't fit on my teeth at all. It doesn't... Did you give me the wrong one? It doesn't fit at all. What was all the...

You guys are fucking something up because I know it's not the computer. Yeah, the computer's just doing what you gave it. Yeah. You're selling these? For 600 bucks a pop? This is robbery, man. That fucking dental camera shit has never been good.

No, it never works. I remember even as a kid when they put the fucking horse blanket on you? Like the bulletproof fucking vest. Yeah. And then they put like the little like the plastic inserts with the fucking flaps and shit. I hate those damn things. And then I go into the dentist one day and they're like, hey, check this out.

We got this whole new tech. I'm like, okay, cool. And then I'm like, it feels just as fucking annoying. Like, what the fuck is this? Oh, man. Look at this. I don't know why I brought this deck in here today. I'm just kind of carrying it around the house.

This teenage mutant Ninja Turtles commander deck. Whoa. That's as close as I'm ever going to get to playing with it. I'm coming to terms with that. Maybe when my son goes to college. You put with a bunch of different food cards? If there's a way I could... Wait, food cards?

Turtles? This is Magic, the Gathering. Right. Wasn't it just like a bunch of pizza fucking... There's a couple pizza cards, yeah. Cool. You know, they do what they're doing their best. Pizza-based anime?

I went up to see my nephews. I'm like, let's go get some cards and stuff. Yeah. And I brought them, I brought him a bunch of toys. I brought him a bunch of toys from Japan. And they were like, I just gave him a bag. I was here. And they said, uh, uncle, why'd you get us bath bombs?

So what are you talking about? Those are Mario toys. Don't fucking, don't talk to me about it. Don't say that kind of stuff. Someone will hear you. Bath bombs. Uncle's not getting anyone. I'm not getting you bath bombs

Shut your mouth What'd you say about bath bombs Say it quiet Write it down On this piece of paper Not digitally He said Why did you get us bath bombs

You gave us a bag of Bath bombs I said no I got you Mario toys and stuff It's Mario And Shin Chan and stuff And there's a Gundams in there It's a bunch of good shit

Don't talk to me about bath bombs He said these are bath bombs Where do you think they're individually wrapped things? Okay. With a picture of Mario and a picture of Yoshi on them and a picture of Pokemon on them. What are you talking about bath bombs? There's toys in there. And they said, well, there's toys in there, but they're bath bombs.

I said, how do you know that? It's all Japanese written on. And I said, look, and it says bath bomb in one English. And then I said, that could mean anything. They don't know what they're saying. They don't know what they're printing on it. And then the other nephew goes, look on this one,

there's two little boys in the bathtub. I said, get the fuck out of here then. Well, go take a fucking bath then. You think I enjoy this? You think I enjoy getting you stuff, carrying it around?

Just go fucking put it in a pot then and cook it. Get the toy out. Break it open in the backyard. You should have been like, well, you know those guys involved. Take a bath, you stink. So I said, whatever. Fine, put that shit back.

Let's go buy some cards. Let's go to the card store. I'm like, oh, yeah, so I see this Ninja Turtles thing. Commander Magic. I say, yes. I'm going to just get this, just leave this shit, and then we're going to play some serious magic. I'm going to kick the shit out of both of you guys.

I'm not even going to let you win 30% of the time, so you come back. I'm going to totally decimate you. So you don't come back. You don't even want to play. anymore. So I sleeve the shit and I hear, oh, babies

thrown up, oh, we ran out of diapers. You gotta go to the store. Oh, no. Dinner town, oh, we gotta go. I said, but I just sleeved all my magics. Oh, I guess I'll just look at them. Depressing. Did you hear about the game mixtape?

Did you hear about that game? No. Everyone was crying about it online. It's like a game for women that they don't need, they don't ever have to have their boyfriend play any of the parts. It's like a, you just like walk around to have conversations with people. Oh. And it got 10 out of 10 reviews. Really?

On everything, yeah. Best indie game of the. It's so funny seeing, because I don't know. understand why people are upset because they're building it as an indie game but it's not really an indie game but they're like they don't want indie gamers the tag of indie video games being co-opted by you know big whatever dev studios two fucking bad bitches i know it's it's ironic right because the game's about the 90s about these kids who are like uh what skaters oh i have no idea but that That's what it's about.

They just walk, they walk, it's like their last day of high school. They're walking around. Just doing like cringy, 90s, chick stuff. Oh,

it's like earthbound, but the last day of high school? Yeah. It's like, you know, the game's about, like you guys are, that's exactly what they would have said in the game.

You guys might like, you guys might enjoy it. Maybe if it had a game or two, maybe if it had a challenging part in it, probably would have liked it, but, as it is, it's like specifically made

for women to do video. I've never seen a video game that's just for women. Hmm. You can't mess up. You just talk. You look at pictures, talk to people. Crazy.

That's like the perfect women game, dude. Now it just needs to be 4,000 hours long. And then you got yourself 10 out of 10. Endless dialogue. No game, yeah, no gameplay. Just endless fucking dialogue.

Okay. Here's a here's the data center thing. Let me play this. Then I'll complain about data centers. This is Jamie Diamond talking about how much we need. Data centers.

Here we go. Picture AI is going to cure cancers and reduce work weeks and kids who live longer and planes will be safer and cars will be safer and let people die. and you'll have new drugs It's gonna be good And you know

But they're We've been using it now Picture It's so funny hearing These scumbags talk about AI and data centers Like number one Because you know that they're

Like lying Right Like they've spent the last They spent the last My entire life Um Trying to Trying to like

Well Trying to kill people Doing things that led to all all those things that he's talking about, making cars safer, playing safer, making kids safer,

making you work less. Like, my entire life has been bankers trying to not, trying to do the opposite of that. Making cars more unsafe, fighting to stop them from being safer,

making your kids less safe by dumping 50 million immigrants on their heads, uh, and, you know, perverting the political system and the judicial system.

Um, causing cancer, causing as much cancer as possible, really. And bringing in a technocratic dystopian nightmare. But the extra part is funny is because the 3.5 days a week is like, you guys would, why don't we do that now? Why don't we work one day a week? That fucking pie in the sky fucking bullshit, man.

I hate it. Yeah. You'll be working 3.5 days a week. When am I going to be working 4.5 days? a week. Let's start there. Why not? Why is that not going to be happening? Then I read this morning

that the Chinese, like you got to support AI or else China will win, right? That's why we need to dump data centers to every small town in America. Or else China will win. Then I found out that all the AI companies are selling

tokens to China at like 98% off. So they're selling tokens on the open market to China for 98% off sticker price. So cool, build this data center to directly support China? Yeah. So you get the data center in your backyard

that drives up the cost of everything. Energy, which is everything. Energy, aka everything. And then we're selling, we're keeping the rewards among this hyper politicized like strata of elite ruling class and then for this tiny

this tiny we there was a tiny amount of money left over on the table there's like a tiny amount of frosting on the inside of the container that we we went ahead that we don't even need you know we're stuffed we have more we had more than we could possibly eat in a thousand lifetimes but there was a little bit bit of remainder on the inside of the package, meaning selling to Chinese people.

And we went ahead and just scrape that off, even though we know it would fuck you over. So put in the data center to fight China and then sell the data, sell the tokens to... Wholesale. Wholesale. That should be insurance pricing on that. It seems like this one's going to be...

It seems like the data center fight will be a good one. Yeah. because they're vulnerable they're just sitting right there you know it's easy to

fuck them up it's easy to stop them they're just right there they're right there they've never the tech guys have never had something

they've never been so exposed before yeah I think but I don't know it's funny reading the predictions though

it's like well you guys are causing all that though right yeah like working three and a half days a week We could already do that.

Yeah, but imagine you could live in Slop World, Dick. Just imagine. I had this thought that it will, maybe it will actually, AI will actually rid us of bad art because it's so good at recreating mediocre art that the people making mediocre art won't be able to compete.

I would almost rather see media. yoker art than the fucking, because every time I see AI art, it's like, here's the rotoscoped cartoon character, here's the, it's like the same kind of five like things. Yeah. You can always tell. Yeah, you can.

It's going to wreck the middle ground. I hope. I hope it creates a extreme outsider art. I want to see a bunch of like huge retards making art and just being like confused the fuck out of AI. Yeah, that would be good.

Put in some good shit. That would be good. Yeah, I don't, I'm not ready to beat China, I don't think. How can't we just join China, man? I'd rather join China. Man, beat Americans. Right. It's time.

We're already fucking supporting them. Why don't we just work together a little more? Oh, when I saw that, like, wait, you're selling them the tokens? For more? Oh, for, oh, you're giving them away. Oh. Yeah. Okay.

Everybody else who lives in America has to pay full price. Yeah, so we get to pay full price. Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess that really is beating China. They don't want to use their own models if you're giving yours away to them for free, I guess. That's so fucking stupid. I guess you guys got it. Let's see here.

This is, uh, Congress is trying to push for a raise. because they said because of inflation they're not making as much as they used to anymore when you adjust for inflation Congress is making 31% less money well look you know than they were this is a Congress here we go oh the the salary of Congress has been frozen since 2009 you know when you adjust for inflation a member of Congress today is making 31% less than they made in that year. It goes down every year. And over time, if you stay on this trajectory,

you're going to have less qualified people who are willing to make the extreme sacrifice to run for Congress. I mean, it's just people just make a reasonable decision as a family on whether or not they can come and move to Washington. I have a residence here, residents at home, and do all the things that are required. Oh, man. So the counter argument is, and I have some sympathy, look,

at least let them, like, engage in some stock trading so that they can continue to... They can recover. Some of the losses. Well, look, you know, the salary of... How about we freeze them? Not the salaries. Let's freeze them.

Well, you know, some families are going to have to make the extreme sacrifice. We got to trade. Look, we got to make a couple bucks out of this deal. You win, I win. You know, come on. We have an impossible job of simply representing the desires of our constituents. Which... Sitting in an office and not doing shit.

Yeah, I could do that from home. Honestly, we could all just do our normal lives. And when it came time to a vote, they could call us up and just say, yes or no, here's a simple explanation of the bill. Yes or no, what do your constituents think? Well, I'm going to go yes. And if I vote wrong, they'll vote me out next time. My district's only 30,000 people like the framers intended. So I can pretty much talk to all of them, basically.

A couple of stadium-sized events, you know, a couple town hall. and I can pretty much communicate with everyone in my and every one of my constituents and be able to tell you yay or nay on that. And the bill's obviously only four or five pages long, right? Because anything else and you're hiding a bunch of shit in it, obviously. So it's only going to be, it's probably only five, it's easy, no problem. I don't even need a salary. I'll do it for free. I'm moderately successful.

Oh. Oh, there's a baby. Hi. Can you believe that? that shit? Man. We need a raise and we got to make some money on the side. It's a hustle.

It's a gig economy now. They're like, can you believe it's affecting us? It's like, hey, shithead. It's affecting all of us. If you don't, if you don't give us a raise, you're going to get some real stupid people in here. If we're not compensated, you're going to get some real dummies

running Congress. And we would know because we're the stupidest people in the whole world. so that makes me fucking sick right that's like

for them to come out and threaten us with bad representation yeah because of inflation something that they call wow you think it's bad now

you guys get some people in here who really fuck up inflation they make 31% look like you know uh good times let me read the rest of it here's a

Here's another warning. Just a friendly warning, we don't even make $200,000 per year in Congress, despite working nearly 140 days. Despite working almost half of the year, we don't even make $200K. Can you believe that?

Yeah, just make over $1,000 a day. Yeah, we don't even make that. Gosh. if we aren't properly compensated a lot of us will go into the private sector and you will be left with some real idiots in Congress Private Congress I don't think they're aware

that the only reason they go into the private sector is for bribes and stuff like access I wonder if before the French people started chopping heads off if they had Twitter, if they would have said some stuff like this.

Probably. Probably. Just a warning. We don't even make. So if you pay them more, their intelligence would go up, I'm guessing. Why is a fucking representative

fucking issuing any kind of warning? I don't know. This is them at their best. This is them when they're arguing on their own, like when a lobbyist hasn't put words in their mouth for them. Funny Funny stuff Okay

Austin Dumping homeless into L.A. Hate that Yeah, Cars for Kid Did you know Cars for Kids mascot was a stack of money? Yeah You did know that? I did know that, dude

I just found that out It's kind of like A little on the nose, isn't it? Yeah Let's see here Cars for Kids Yeah, here it is Yeah

This is real? This is two Jewish guys Cars for Kids That takes cars and sells them And then gives the money to a Jewish only Summer Camp This is their mascot

It's cool They could have just Like, you know They couldn't have made it So like the face is where the mouth goes So there's not a fucking Big ass pool between the eyes like oh yeah like a talking president right look it's just the lowest budget costume on top of it all

all right i don't want to read the comments there i'm sure they're negative i'm sure they're all very nice things hmm people in the netherlands burning a refugee hotel down that's cool uh psychos fighting about charles oh this one's okay this one's good then i'll read some comments You know how Charlie Kirk died? Remember that? He did? Yeah, you remember that and that happened? That's a shame.

So this guy, they're fighting over his corpse, Charlie Kirk's corpse. This is like a guy who's talking about how Charlie Kirk is always with us. This dude, and he's like, he's communicating with him from beyond the grave.

He's serious, by the way. Right? I fucking hate this. much. Okay, it gets better. Let me look. John Mappen.

I don't know. I just happened to glance this. He's a pretty big guy. And then this guy comes in. This is basically the whole thread. Charlie Kirk is in heaven. He's not coming down and visiting you in your Scientologist,

spiritual dreams, you sick fuck. And then he proceeds to argue for the rest of the day about where Charlie Kirk is and that he's in heaven. Literally. I'm in heaven now. And that he's not talking,

that he's not talking to any Scientologists because they're sick. And he's in heaven. Like running errands or something. I don't know what he's doing. Heaven. It's like... Epstein was right.

Epstein was right about us. The goy. The goy. Get micro-transactions. Yeah. Arguing about who's in heaven and who's not talking to you because you're in heaven? Bro, you're a Scientologist, weirdo. There's no kind regards with people like you.

That's exactly what Jesus said. Okay. I need to see more tables overturned. Okay. If I have comments, Andrew McClough. Hey, Dick. You're missing sewage story in the last episode was like the penultimate chapter in a novel. I've been desperate to finish.

A novel? At the risk of teaching you to suck eggs, Bing Maps also used to do some sort of airplane height view of street and houses. That's right. Do you remember when Bing did the three quarters view? Holy shit, dude. Oh, where you could view from the north, southeast, west. Maybe there's some images of your sidewalk in there that your wife hasn't blurred out Oh man

I love how she got up and walked out during this part That was it What if they have it? Bing has it Dude Bing has my data I'll go out there with the digging bar just to start opening shit up man You need messed up teeth If you're gonna do it

I need a poo tooth to blow around in the wind Yeah. Gay zone inhabitants systematically affected black youths don't understand that scan and go vending machines charge you for every item you take out of them. Okay, let's... They think it's a free money glitch? Let's see. Oh, no. Did you see the one where people were going to like ATMs and like,

yeah, withdraw 600 and it would just spit out that much anyway? Yeah. You had it or not. Yeah. It's infinite money glitch. Yeah. the next day everyone's shoe was overdrafted by 10 grand. Why did they do

that though? Why would it spit out more money than you had in the account? I don't know, but it's a funny way for the I think it was chased. Yeah, it was chase. He'll fucking just get some people in a quick gotcha. Yeah. Thieves stealing money from a vending machine.

Okay. Let's see it. So they're just emptying out. They're emptying out the vending machine. $199 $199 $5.000. How did it get their payment info? $540

$540, cheese. $5.99. Oh, dude, look at how fast they think they're going. you know like rob like they're just rifling through oh was the cheese it's yeah that's a good one I get some good resale value for that one nutter buddies yeah yeah yeah 700 bucks

800 bucks in seven minutes it took a guy seven minutes to rob a vending machine seven thousand two hundred and forty two dollars and twenty two hundred and forty two dollars and twenty 26 cents. Man. Good job, fellas. Some young adults

wiping me out, but they paid. They didn't steal. They paid. Ready for the next round. The next slot machine. Wait. How? It probably is locked until you swipe your card. And then when you open it and fucking...

Oh, it counts everything you took? Because it's got to... There's got to be a way for it to fucking... Yeah, they have to have your info. It's like the, like putting a down payment or a security deposit on like a hotel. Yeah. They always ask for some sort of card first. Oh, you think it's at a hotel and they have their information at the hotel and then they're just rifling through it?

That could be it too, yeah. That would be funny. Just fucking. But no, it looks like there's a little keypad thing on there. So you probably have to swipe your card. Knop says Oh, Dick's reaction to that strainer clip gave Johnny the purest moment of joy

That was fucking disgusting Well, what's funny is I remember in it Long-ass time ago, people in L.A. were like, you gotta do the thing where you drink orange juice and olive oil And you cleanse your gallbladder And that's literally what that was. And they're shitting out soap?

They're shitting out little green soap balls And they're like, see, cleansed me And it's like, no, you just created little soapballs in your stomach and shoot them out like a fucking idiot. Have you tried it? No. I just, anytime I heard one of those claims, like, you got to drink a food grade hydrogen peroxide in your water. You know, all that, like, stupid shit. People love hydrogen peroxide.

And I'm like, I don't know, man. Yeah. I think just, like, living and, like, eating, even if you eat. Normal food. Yeah. Yeah. just eat normal food and like exercise get sun do all that shit you don't need to do all this like i'm doing some biohacking right now and it's like those people are one there they're one

yahoo news article away from shoving something up their ass well and that's after blasting it all out they're like well and i kind of replenish it with something let me you know that's what it's going to be that's the new trend they're testing it out with the balls in the sun thing whatever the hell that was that was a funny one everyone getting fucking ball and ass cancer from fucking stunning your gooch there are one think piece away

yeah like you know I tried this cleanse how about a reverse cleanse man I tried to convince one of my fat co-workers back in the day that a marinara cleanse existed

just so I could see him start being like what these guys are on to something I don't know about like I'll take sips eating marinera sipping marinera yeah because he was like

he was one of the bees like hip, right? Yeah. So he saw us younger retards hanging out and he's like, oh, you guys are doing that? Like, oh, I did that years ago. So we're like, I bet you if I brought like Marinera, just like a jar of it, put tape with my name on it. And took like a little pretend couple sips out of it throughout the day that he would guarantee be like, oh.

Yeah, I knew that. I knew about that. You pussies just found out about the Marinera cleanse. I've been doing. So, yeah. Seth said, I watched this episode while the sewer backed up in the office bathroom. It was a 4D experience. That was fucking horrible.

Foxy, Himbo says, ha ha, so my girlfriend is listening to the end of the episode with me. And as Johnny transitions from the monster truck tale

to the olive oil, orange juice shit, she thought him saying this one's called Panning for Gold was referring to the truck story. And I had a hard laugh telling her,

no, baby. He didn't mean panning for gold as slang for a monster truck crashing into a crowd of Mexicans. That's something else. I would like to point out, too, that, um, because a bunch of people reached out and were like, that was fucking crazy.

And like, these are all videos that show up on my Instagram feed. It's not like I'm going to like live leak or like out of my way to find like what sort of fucked up shit. I'm sitting on the can or I'm sitting there at work during a take just like flip it through. They get to do anything. As long as you put that filter, that third world filter on it, you can do whatever you want. You can't put that shit in 4K. you get your account canceled. Yeah.

Is that how all these videos are slipping? I don't know. There's like a fucking blindness to, oh, well, this is, I mean, they're not people. This is not the same as you and me. It's so, it's a resolution problem. 240, yeah, that's definitely a third world country. If I change this camera to do 240 res,

I could say N-word, you know, F-sler, because people think, oh, this was filmed in 1983. Yeah. You know, you can't judge. This guy's probably dead of a heart attack now. They actually found this at a footage festival somewhere, yeah. I put on a little I-Zod shirt. God.

Hang on my beepers going off. Hang on my NNNN-N-N-Beper is going off. F. Yeah, man. But it's like, it's crazy because I'll just like, I'll find the most insane shit. And I'm like, like I saw a video, I was going to bring it in. But after a lot of people were like, don't bring in any fucking crazy shit. He was like, shit, sorry.

Like, I didn't... I just thought it was funny, but I saw a video of a guy with the machete, like, through his head. It looked like the comical hat thing. But it was a real machete. It was like a real machete. And there was, like, blood.

Yeah, I don't know how... I don't know why they get away with it. Well, that's why. Yeah. Like, well, can't turn off. India's... People getting hit by trains. There's not enough people...

There's not enough Instagram moderators to ban all the footage coming out of India. They're all working in India. Yeah, true. Like, oh, yeah, that's normal. That's my neighbor, yeah. It's fine. Yeah, that guy's nuts.

Welcome, yeah. Wow, lucky him got hit by a train. I wish that was me. Dude, all the videos I've seen of guys, like, standing on trains in India, and they have, like, a pole or something, they're like, there's a whole crowd of people below, and they're like, yeah, yeah.

And they, like, touch the pole on the electrical wire, like, booz. And it's like, wow. Dead. Like, awesome. Yeah. Okay. No Saj.

Says, what do you mean? those are the first four ingredients of a Pissolet. That went right in the pot. He's talking about to poop. Terry says, Justin, California is exploring a high-speed bus, capable of traveling up to 140 miles an hour on freeway. Man, that's awesome.

That's what I want. I want black women going mock three on the freeway and a high-speed bus. That sounds like a bean, Fires, flatters my rainbow sandals. What about the accordion bus? Is the fucking ass end going to be flailing? Whip that shit around, man?

Ripp it up. I want so much acceleration. It bucks back like Fast and Furious One. The but M.T. The metro bus, like a cobra. Yeah. That'd be sick. Fucking lady screaming at the front. Oh shit.

Oh, Lordy. They're not going to 140 on the... Their brains can't think 140 miles an hour. There's no bus that's going 140 miles down on the freeway. That's the last thing we need. That's shit my feet. fucking pants, dude. They're going to have to put a cross the

40 feet high on the 101 where it turns in Hollywood because all the bus shooting off of it. Sometimes, you know, how's you do in L.A.? Sometimes when you're you know, got it pinned at like 90 down the freeway. Yeah. And some Armenian guy and a fucking clapped out

BMW goes whizzing by at like 120. You're like, Jesus Christ. Like, that guy's going fast. That's going to be a bus. For a fucking bus? God damn. What happened to the speed rail. Now it's just high, it's a high speed bus now. High speed fucking bus in these streets, man. God damn, that better be a luxury experience going to your death on a bus. What happens if you fucking hit a pothole on that motherfucker, dude? Your coffee or whatever you're holding on to is going

flying. I just do not believe that someone driving a bus should be going 140 miles an hour. A pilot's like in the military, they've gone to school. They got a lot of room to fuck up. We're not even allowed to go that fast. Why should a fucking bus Are they going to make a one bus lane? That's going to be in like a big hamster ball Under the freeway In one of Elon's Gay tunnels

Stupid-ass tunnels 140 miles 140 mile or bus You can go straight from SoFi Stadium To prison 140 miles an hour Isn't that awesome

You drive it into the side of the prison Yeah dude That'd be great Oh yeah Can I get a ride to the Bonneville fucking salt flats in this bus? Who was gonna ride that?

You'd have to be on fentanyl to ride a bus like that. No one else would do it. Death race? You're like I don't think so. Put spikes on it. That's the bus for when you have to shit, dude. Put a dress the black lady up in

clown makeup with running like fucking twisted metal with a bus going 140 miles an hour through L.A. Is there a, like down the L.A. River, I guess would be the only place that would go. Wipe out all fucking homeless put a cattle prod on it. What does that thing call

the skirt? Oh, a little cowcatcher? Cowcatcher. Put that in front. 140 mile an hour fucking bus dude, are you kidding me? That's got to be a joke. This kid he doesn't know. If that guy made it up, I hate him for it, and if it's real

I really hate him for it. The driver would have to be drunk. Trains don't even go 140. Yeah. Like, double Decker bus? What the What the fuck? Like what kind of

Aerodynamically The few would be shaped differently A fucking 9,000 horsepower engine in the More torque Yeah, it's gonna have a rocket Yeah Tehmann says

Check out this bitch Termin I mean I know you could do Electrically but that's not as funny Uh A painting Something What is this lady

Professor of Economics at Harvard? Oh, okay, so this should be really extremely stupid, whatever she's saying. No, it's going to be funny. A painting of the end of the meritocracy, a meeting of the two largest economies and not one woman at the table. So this is a meeting between the U.S. and China, and there's not one woman on either side. See, how did that happen? they should have got the Chinese sign guy on there too

Tony? Yeah Tony should have been there with some signs homie Tony He could have been in the middle China versus USA like holding up a sign dude Yeah that would be cool

And they should have got the Chinese Trump guy there too Oh yeah And Chinese Elon Musk Right They should have got a Chinese version Of all of our guys That would have been frame-mogging big times Yeah right across from them

The craziest like fucking God damn it. And then we could have brought like a Winnie the Pooh guy. We have a guy that always plays That's right. We have a guy that always plays the China guy in movies and stuff.

What's his name? I know he's a real guy that always does it. No, I can't think of the name, but I'm just laughing at like the American guys be like, they even got fucking yellow guys of our assistants too. What the fuck?

Yeah, they got lookalikes of everybody. The Chinese, they got the Chinese. We're never going to believe this. Chinese Marco Rubio, but he's like Filipino. Yeah, oh, dude. Slightly, you know. Mexican.

That would have been cool. Oh yeah, this bitch is complaining about no women there. It'd be Marco Rubio Gonzalez. Yeah, it is the end of the meritocracy. Exactly. That's a great, that's, this is, this is a perfect explanation of my point. This is, this is the end

of the meritocracy. There is nobody's, sitting at that table who is sitting there because they have a degree, a bullshit degree from Harvard Economics, some fucking salary, some badge of money, some badge of money knowing from Susan B. Anthony's school who can't tell you which way the water's going in the jug, but yeah, what she means, what she means is exactly the real meaning. Hey, how come there's no There's nobody sitting here who has a degree or a badge or a certificate or an object that is meant to certify or qualify their merit. There's nobody sitting here on the basis of their certification or their or or or or or or their uh, uh, I don't know.

There's nobody sitting here who's everybody who's sitting here is here because they did something. they have something in the real world that's demonstrable that's they've actually done and accomplished that doesn't have a certificate it's great because she's posting this is like a negative thing right and it's like it's a great thing why is this guy here uh because he caught a rocket from space he caught a 22 story building

with a set of chopsticks that's why well does he have a degree from the rocket catching academy No, he just did it Well, how do you know That's not very merit That's not very meritocracy of you Fucking exactly

They've She took the How do you go to Harvard And you don't understand that the term is a pejorative How the fuck do you read that book Or even reference it without knowing That it's a pejorative term? You stupid bitch

Painting of the end of it Does she mean it as a good thing? What else does she have here? Because it's a great thing IMF, no She means it is a negative thing IMF first deputy manning director 2022 to 2025

Okay so the worst The absolute absolute worst time To be the worst person in the world You Chief Economist 2019 to 2020 What is this from? Is this from

Is this picture at the WEF Is that what I see behind her? Is that the logo? Probably Gopin F The women eating feces convention Thank you, Jay, yeah, get fucked. Oh, wow.

Yeah, you're right. Into the meritocracy. Stop using it as a good thing. Yeah, about fucking time. It's about fucking time. These guys are all men. Oh, did any women catch any rockets from outer space? Let them know. I'm sure they'll, I'm sure they'll let her right through. What did they do? What have any women done?

You can go. I'll go ahead. I'll give you, uh, You know, I don't want to stack the deck against you. I'll go ahead and give you in the entire history of the human race. Find one and get her in there. Quickly, quickly, quickly. They're starting to talk soon. You don't want her to miss out. This guy sends this.

Oh, it's the same one, I think. Oh, no. Two white girls refuse to set next to a black guy on the bus. Oh, okay. What is it? Like, he's showing that they're racist. Yeah. There's two girls.

there buddy why don't you get up and give one of them your seat can't help and notice that uh a i restaurant and in labs tested their ai agent mona built on google's gemini by letting it manage a real cafeteria in stockholm for two weeks on a twenty one thousand dollar budget mona spent heavily on unnecessary supplies six thousand napkins three thousand gloves and three hundred cans of tomatoes and forgot to order bread we need data centers for if we don't beat china We're gonna have our own fucking dumb robots fucking up a restaurant. Look at this little asshole.

All right. The cafeteria generated $5,000 in sales. Mona also sent messages to staff on slack outside of work hours. I think that's illegal in Sweden. I don't know. Harry says, future astronauts don't understand the video. Oh yeah, we just watched that. Grumpified says when people spend so much effort,

dropping weight that they forget to practice fighting, but it's okay because they made a million dollars? What the fuck you... Oh, is that the Gina Carano thing? Was there a Gina Carano fight? I kind of saw something about that, but... Guys, don't watch women's UFC, MMA. Don't watch that stuff.

Yeah. What are you doing supporting women? Watch college men's baseball if you need a fix. You got a fix for some sports. Watch high school wrestling, you know? Don't watch women's M.M. Yeah. Fighting.

Why do you need sports that bad anyway? Nobody needs sports that bad. Doing too much. If you find yourself drinking the eggnog in the back of the liquor cabinet, peach, if you find yourself drinking some schnapps, a bottle of Cavassier that's been there for eight years, you're in a bad place.

You don't need liquor that badly. You don't need sports this badly When people start watching Non-like major league sports Yeah You got a problem You got a problem Exception being

Minor League baseball games For like what Five bucks Cheap beer and you just go get to sit And fucking Well that's an event If you're going If you're getting out of the house

Do whatever you want Don't turn on the TV watching Right But even then Once you watch the NBA then The WNBA dude you're watching there's people who do that and then they try to convince you like well if you watch it uh you know i started watching it ironically and got into it unironically it's like yeah just like cock i bet

that's fucking sports addiction yeah you're addicted yeah you're addicted let's you round off your gina carano fight with some nice uh lay a layup uh go count all your signs montage on your walls dog go write kately clark some fan mail it's just like you're addicted bro you know you need to seek help. Why is sports such an addiction? I like... That's a white people thing. You and I will never fully understand it. We're physically incapable of fully... We're genetically incapable of understanding it. I'm like a root level. Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's, uh, it's taking me, it's taking me a long

time to come to terms with that. I was just like, man, you guys really love, like, teamwork. Yeah. You love teamwork. You love honorably losing. Like, they're people who are, white people who are all basically addicted to sports, their favorite thing is to see somebody lose graciously. Like it's I mean, it's their religion.

It's literally their religion. Like the whole mythos around their religion is a guy who really lost big time gracefully like, well, I'm God. Just so you know I flooded the whole world, but I'm going to go ahead and let you stick me in the side with a spear and, you know, nail me to some wood.

it's okay I forgive you like they love that shit yeah it's sickening it's sickening but to deal with them you have to you have to press it down and they'll go you're not losing gracefully I'm like yeah no shit losing sucks it's the Raiders

of course they the whole parking lots on fire now that's the big clash that's the race war yeah that's I guess it's what it comes down to oh they fucking love it they would white people would love to be dominated just so they're

looking for an excuse to lose so they can be graceful about it. That's why they do so many amazing things. Like go to the moon just like, fuck, I thought we would crash and die. I even wrote a whole speech about what would happen if the astronauts died on the way to the moon. I wrote six different versions of this speech just so I could, if the astronauts died, which I hope they would, I could read some fucking speech about losing gracefully. But the astronauts all came home. Guess we got to throw them a fucking parade. Hopefully someone will die at the parade. Nobody died? Fuck. Can we bring in some Muslims or something so we We have some problems and some reasons to lose gracefully.

Moment of clarity. I finally understand sports now. It's the last place you can publicly yell at a minority to do a better job. Get your act together. Get your fucking life sorted out. Right. Yeah. Call your kids.

Now I'm like, ah, shit. Maybe sports is good. Fuck. Like, damn it. Because now you've got a whole stadium full of people. There's going to be a guy with a whip. Bell check's gonna come out with like a whip. A long enough one you could whip them on the field from all the way up in the nosebleed section.

He's gonna ride in on those fucking cables that they got the camera on. Right in on the TV camera. Indiana drones, dude. Flying on it. Bro, is there a drone with a whip on it? That could cause some real havoc down in Skid Row. Maybe Spencer Pratt. Yeah, dude.

Is there a whipping device? The momentum's going to be an issue, but I think it could be solved with computers. Just bring a helicopter and a bunch of motherfuckers who whips go. That would be Indiana Jones. That's fucking Whip the fentanyl out of their hand.

That belongs in a museum. You've got to be like a Cowboys of Mo Mesa Revival Festival. Everyone gets a whip and you choose your favorite cow costume and you run down Skid Row and whip the fuck out of it Everyone you like the Scientology Yeah, but it's like a reverse running of the bowls Yeah, where you dress like one of the cowboys of Mubeza fucking just yeah, you put the head on oh

Fuck them up man that would be sick Dude if Spencer Pratt wins we could do all this stuff It'd be illegal to be homeless again that would actually be the best thing ever you know what pisses me off the most about the homeless dude what what's fisses me off about the homeless thank you for the correction god that was funny is eric july yeah well dude you can't go to 7-11 or a gas station anymore no you can't you really can't and it's like hey can it's like man you just and you want to doc

holiday all of them like oh yeah here you go bah yeah oh man do you have you got some money no one has had any money no one with a car has had any money in five years dude no one carries money anymore except for you fucking except for you bums that's the only case if someone said like

hey look I know we're destroying the environment faster with batteries for electric cars and it's all sanctimonious asshole shit but dude you don't have to go to a gas station deal with homeless people I'd be like fuck

like if the AI could solve homeless like Ultron style then we need more data centers if the data centers could do one thing for me then we could do them then we'll allow it we got nothing

except the reason you're building the data centers is the reason the data centers have to be that big is because they can't be racist so for everything that runs through them 10 other processes have to go through and proctor them to make sure it doesn't say anything that's not that would be embarrassing to

liberals. Counterpoint, though, is if we did get racist AI marketing. Yeah. Like, you're at the store and it's like, well, you don't want to buy that. How black are you? Yeah. Newports. And you're like, oh, wait a second. Like, actually, let me get those instead.

Let me find this quote from that Jensen guy. That is, that is the part that pisses me off about it the most. Here's that guy, the CEO of NVIDIA, says the amount of energy that we need for computing is probably a thousand times more than we currently have. Yeah, man, well, you know, you assholes have been purposefully limiting our energy output for like 30, 40, maybe even 60 years.

Like all of you fucking pricks, for whatever reason, all of the big tech people went all in on this totally retarded idea that we need less energy. When it's just the only thing that defines quality of life for civilizations since the beginning of time is how much energy can we make? We got fire now. We can make a lot of energy with that. We can make steam. We can do all kinds of stuff. That's a lot of energy. All right.

What else we got? Well, we got these, like, fucking magical rocks. You know, basically like fire just in a rock. Awesome. Let's crank that shit up. What else? We should stop making energy. What the fuck are you talking about stop making energy?

We need it. We're basically, that's all we are. We don't really have any sort of thing that we know of that is independent from energy that is us. It's just like all this shit we're doing. That's just all work. you can you can you can define it exactly as how much energy are we making is uh is us uh no we're not making less that's retarded well and it's like well we're gonna need like so much more it's like well no one asked you assholes to scale up that fucking much that quick like what the fuck so make

it why don't you make something good first make some fucking energy then man make some food while you're at it use your AI to solve your problems for you make all the fucking make everyone food then. If it's so great, you're gonna cure cancer. Why don't you cure fucking happy meals first? Just make a bunch of free fucking food, dude. Yeah, make them happy, man. Make bums free liquor. So much liquor and fennel that they drink, that they drink themselves at death. That would be fucking great. That would be sick. We have a worry of starting an AI liquor farm. Bums from all over. Could walk into the desert. Have all the liquor they could drink. Never have to see them again. Fucking cool, man.

It's fucking cool, man. Call it barter town. It's a big pit. No ramps out. Fall in the hole, get unlimited liquor. Just a bunch of bums, like, trying to struggle. But it's all, like, spreadsheets. All their ideas are like, well, we're making spreadsheets. Why don't you automate getting rid of fucking bums, man? You mean this thing I could type of essay to is just going to show me how to do, like, key commands that come in the manual? Like, fuck that.

Mix some of those robot dogs. The poochies? From the 2000s? Eye bows. Yeah, poochies. Send them down into Skid Row and clean the shit up. How about that? Then you can automate my spreadsheet.

Dude, an AI that dispensed liquor to bums would be so fucking funny. Yeah. Let's see, how much liquor do you get? How retarded are you? Whoa, you are. You got a couple teeth in there? You're going to need some. It'd be a simple algorithm because all you would have to do is like, did it come in with a question mark at the end?

And if that answer is yes, then it just gives you more... Yeah, oh, here's why. Okay, so what's the AI do exactly? Oh, it... The AI has an amazing function of being a headline while your job is sent to India. Wow, that's incredible. The AI does that? And it can do that with...

Does it even need a data center? Actually, it doesn't even need a data center. We just put AI is here to fucking lose your job, and then we fire you and send your job to India. It's fucking great. So how about the AI says, like, what's the problem? that give the AI my zip code and give me the top 10 problems

I might be facing in my life and I'll tell you if it's accurate because I don't think it's gonna come up with the right problems and I think you being in charge of it is the reason why I think all this lying and bullshit

is the reason why I bet it could be really useful we got the corporate Memphis version of it yeah you got the spreadsheet one this AI sends emails and does spreadsheets Huh. Cool. Does it say who's doing all the crime?

And can define them? Because I could. And I don't even have all the data. I bet if I had all the data, I could probably go door to door. It's like, you're under fucking arrest. You know what they got to do is like... And actually, you're probably going to be a recidivist, so you're dead. Now we're talking.

Company where it's like, it's just a subscription for like $5.99. Yeah. It's not for anything. And it's, but it's just like, hey, you know, like, it's what it feels like all this AI shit is like, yeah, but. You need to subscribe monthly to it. You gotta subscribe. You gotta support the pants.

That's what it fucking feels like, man. Yeah. Oh man, are you on? Did you subscribe to the AI? No. I just can't wait until it fizzles out and then it's like what the metaverse was with the fucking Facebook shit

where no one's on that anymore. It can't fizzle out. It's just like... It's too big. It's like the TSA fizzling out. It's not going to fizzle out. Because they're going to plug everything into the AI and then no one's going to know how to do it anymore.

Jesus We'll have Reddit World forever Isn't that a fucking nightmare That's the fucking craziest shit I know I'll take China over Reddit Yeah Grumpified

Oh yeah okay Grumpified stop watching Women's UFC That's the devil Kepsis says the British are march maxing Oh okay An aerial shot

shows the size of the crowd Currently marching towards Parliament Square for the Unite the Kingdom. God damn. What's that? What's Unite the Kingdom? It's a million man march. Yeah, it is.

Unites the kingdom. Hmm. It's a lot of people. God damn. Unite the kingdom. Tens of thousands march through London for far right

and pro-Palestine protest. Ah, that's what they don't want. That's the, Union they don't want. Damn. Oh, oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. We support Palestine. Go the fuck back to Palestine. Oh, oh. The connection has been made. Uh-oh. Yeah. Police say 11 arrested for a variety of offenses.

As far right and pro-Palestine marches take place. Were they marching together? They should, man. that's the spot to hit pro-Palestine organizers of the pro-Palestine Nakba day I think Nakba is

when they got all their houses stolen Rally estimated at least a quarter of a million people damn that's not tens of thousands dude what are you talking about It's 250,000 Yeah Numbers for the Tommy Robinson March

appear to be significantly down On his last show's strength in September Oh he only got 60,000 people Hmm Okay Yeah So a lot of fucking people So a lot of people

This asshole Get out of here Um Cool good luck with that They're having a better time at it Than we are Yeah Taws

Says Something tragic happened Okay Uh Looks Maxer clavicular Mogged by Chad Judge Really? He got this judge

Yeah, you're fucked, kid Wasn't his girlfriend pregnant or something? Clavicular? And he shot a dead alligator, so he's going to court. God damn, man. Look at this, man. He looks better than him. That's it.

You're toast, bro. You got to kill yourself after that. You've got to jail. You got to go do some more chin hammers in jail. Probably no plastic surgery on this guy, too. Ooh Brutal Natural

Luxmaxer Look at that hair Even looks better The clivicular looks like a mess Tanned suit like Obama This guy's crisp Starched collar No tie

Because clivicular doesn't know how to tie a tie Probably Damn He probably has to look up a tutorial On YouTube to tie tie tie This guy's probably tied 10,000 ties Major

Major looks max frame-mogging. Got a lifetime of tying ties. Look at those eyes. He's like, my, my, my stubble doesn't ever grow. He said, my father was a dead alligator.

How the fuck is this his judge? How is any judge like this? Oh, that sucks, clavicular. Bad day to fucking be that guy. Bad day to be you, bro. Fox Forest is cold lasers. Biggest problem. They're claiming an LED or a week

red laser can cure autism based on a survey funded by the manufacturer of the magical laser. Oh, that's cool. You remember face lasers? They do. Women love face lasers. That's why they're not at the China, USA event. Autism was substantially improved with just a few five-minute red light sessions, reducing behavioral symptoms by over 50% in a fascinating study. Oh, that's fascinating as shit. look they got this stupid chick here

probably not even autistic with a red flashlight shooting into her head so people who work on like navy vessels and shit where it's like nothing but red light should be like immune from office yeah yeah and photographers yeah in the 70s

right yeah study was published in 2018 this is not a study children with autism were given 635 nanometer red light therapy administered as either a laser or an LED placebo light. Well, the lights were the same wavelength.

The laser is more effective. Placebo light, stupid. Because if it's spot area, coherence, power intensity. Oh, really, but it's the same wavelength. That's interesting. How does that work? Total autism behavioral symptoms were cut by over half. God, these people.

Is it even work? more are people even working they're just doing scams yeah buying scams they're making red lights that don't do anything marketing them buying them having autism i would think the autistic the autistic people were the least likely to fall for this all right well whatever that's it uh makes you more retarded it does that it confirms the biased if you buy the product. My wife bought one a while ago. Slapped it out of her hand. I came home and saw that

shit on the package chair. Slap! Get that shit. The fucking thing out of here. I said I took it to UPS.S. You can go ahead and go there and show them the QR code when you do the return. I instructed them not to give it back to you. All right, let me load up

some voicemails. Why would they have bath bombs for Pokemon? That's got to be one of the funniest fucking things, man I thought it was going to be like cool Kinder egg I'll love this Pop it, you know, pop the cap Do something

Pokemon comes out, Mario comes out I don't want you thinking about me in the bath Got two little boys on the cover, man Get the fuck out of here with that throw it away throw it away let's go buy some cards uh

that's a show patreon.com slash the dick show dick dot show see you next week says bath bomb what look there's two little boys in the bath on this one

why is there two right what the hell's going on hey what's up in was I got another story about a I'm white and I said the inward time

I'll say for myself but first how the hell is nobody else sitting a voicemail about this. Come on. We all got these stories. Anyway, when I was probably about like 16 or so, one time I stuck my head out of my

friend's car to your driving by these old people, just sitting out on the porch, old white people. I just shouted, Inner! I think it was like 16 in Kansas City. This is a whole story. That's it?

16 in Kansas City? Nothing to do. but shout at old people. Really raising some hell out there, man. There's one people who would be offended by that. It's old-ass white people in Kansas City sitting on the porch. Hey, guys, quick question. I run out of the gym right now, so forgive the background.

Not to get your personal, but anybody fucking heard from Sean. I sent him a few emails back in the day, and he responds to them with a little smart-ass remarks that he has little fingers and audio engineering knowledge, but some emails in the past just say, hey man, hope you're doing well. You know, we miss you. We love you. Wish you were our dad.

Wish you were my dad? That what he said? We miss you. Wish you were my dad? That's probably why you didn't get a response. Yeah. I don't want to be someone's fucking dad. Fuck this, delete.

Huh, you probably would have said. Yeah. Huh. No. Let me know if you get a response from that. Send another email. The limit is like one a day. Don't send more than one a day.

Yeah, I feel like every time you send him an email that resets the counter of like him. Like, it'll take like three years for him to talk to us again. Yeah. But every time he's reminded of us,

it resets the counter. Yeah, yeah, I get that feeling too. You got to like, you got to have it become a memory first yeah yeah in your phone then there could be a reunion right right but it has to be you got to go away to come back exactly yeah yeah okay hey dick johnny podcast brosperity your holy spirit is speaking through me uh i was listening to the biggest problem and there was a moment where bea

was talking about how he was joking about liking cinnamon raisin bread and he says I don't like sugary bread. I don't know if everybody else caught it, but I almost pissed myself laughing when after he says, I don't like sugary bread, Dick, you go, too much bread? I was fucking, absolutely fucking hilarious.

I don't even think Vito caught when we're going for there. No. But anyway, thank you, fuck you guys. Well, what is the, what other conclusion could you drop on that statement? Yeah.

Hey, Dick and Johnny. I got a rage wearing band t-shirts, specifically like old metal bands, like a slip-knock shirt, a limp biscuit shirt, a Lincoln Park shirt, we'll say. And having an autistic, the most autistic person approach you and try to become your best friend because you like system of a down, enough to have a t-shirt. Well, why are you wearing a t-shirt then?

All entirely. all because of one incident of a guy holding me in place for a half hour who was a complete fucking 80. That's on you. That's the point of the t-shirt. It just ruined it. Like I hate how I can't wear something I like now. It's outside in public.

No. Why do you want to do that? Yeah, you got held up by a retarded guy for 30 minutes. Waring a slip-knots shirt? It felt like there was two retarded guys. I want to hear his version of the story. But yeah, no, people suck, man. yeah, you should wear, you know, don't talk to me shirt.

Yeah, do you got to wear those, like, I like cats more than I like people's shirts. Oh, no, that'll get you everybody. Oh, true. Then fat chicks will love to talk to you about that. For whatever fucking reason, they don't get the hint. Mm-mm, they love it. So, big for Johnny.

Yo. I was just calling in and tell you what you pisses me off today. And it's Amazon delivery people and Walmart delivery people and Target delivery people or whatever. they put all the fucking packages right against my storm door so I can't fucking open the door

and get outside and my wife orders like 500 fucking things a day and it's like you know it's like in a bill of where you gotta know that all these fucking packages are not being bought by a dude and just put the fucking packages like a foot or two away from the fucking door

you gotta know that there's not a guy ordering all these packages all the way around my house and fucking contend with my damn dog who wants to get out and it's just like it's like come on come on turn of free people

what's that come on anyways go fuck the show yeah I'm with this guy they gotta know the Amazon guys got to know

that 99% of their packages are shit chicks are ordering right yeah man that really takes that really makes that job real annoying

look a bunch of crap that women ordered And then you go home and your wife's like, oh, I ordered these five things off Amazon. You're just driving around for women all day? Oh, yeah. God. Fuck. That sucks, man.

All right. Let's do it. Johnny's brain. Well, Dick, this week, you know, we all love or hate to see it. I don't know how you'll feel about it, but we've hit a containment breach here. Okay. You better hit that audio too Okay, it's three middle-aged women

Fat women of course Like 90s fat Yeah In an office Oh no they got angel wings on Roseanne-shaped women What the fuck is this? When I walk

I can only imagine Wait, they all three died or they just want to have angel wings? They all three died. They had to have. Well, they look like they have some cardboard wings on and then it becomes AI and real and they jump into the air, but they don't, they're still embracing in the air. So it's like a little huddle of people flying away. Looking like an angel in Revelation's here. Yeah, it turned into a biblically accurate angel and then they...

Legs and wings all over the place. Then they miniaturize. in the same shot. Because look at how big the window becomes. Why is there a cross? Man, I had so many fucking questions about this shit. What the hell is this?

Just some lady's fucking page. Is she one of these people? Yeah, she's in the middle. Oh, she's in the middle. Damn, so she was even dead. She just wanted to do it. She just wanted to do an AI. And she's got her dog here.

but yeah it's a chocolate lab just needs that dramatic fucking song for it all right all right so this one is a light snack I already forgot what this one was is something poop related

no oh oh Jesus this is even better okay so watch this this is a black very black like in Africa sitting in the road we got chalk all over him somehow

he's in a dirt eating something, yeah. So he's got like this like metal bar and he's kind of like... He's bending of his teeth with his mouth? Cheeks, yeah. So then watch this. Ugh. Now he's got a headband. A quick stretch and then

boom. Now he's eating dirt. Oh, God. Ugh. Yeah, but like... He crammed his mouth full of dirt like a hamster. He's gonna do the whole Oh, dude. He's gonna gum that whole fucking pile, dude.

Watch that shit. Oh! He put a whole bucket of dirt in his mouth on his cheeks. What the hell? Now he's walking around like a weirdo. With his mouth like Birdo from Mario 2. He's ready to shoot some eggs, man. Oh, gross.

This is his performance art? I had so many alternate captions for this, but I was just like, well... Ugh. Why was he stretching? He's touching his mouth out. So he could fit all that extra dirt in there, dude. He's warm it up. Ugh.

Look at all that fucking dirt, man. Oh, no. You know, for a fact, like, trying to brush your teeth after that. Does he have teeth? Probably not. Even these guys have teeth. Yeah, he needs to be successful. Okay.

Some Warriors of Goja Jr. I was also going to call this, no, this is really the light snack. Okay. Warriors of Gojo, one of my favorite interiors. internet clips. It's a guy climbing a weird tower. Those are all fluorescent lights. Oh, wow. So he's got like a ladder, but

it's all fluorescent lights. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So he's going to mash through all of them. Pretty fucking much, dude. Obviously, India. and now he's laying face down on a rug that was like a 20 foot drop through like 40 fluorescent light bulbs

yeah yeah so Warriors of Goja was a whole act where they did it on like an India's Got Talent Show and they basically just beat the shit out of each other on stage with like fluorotubes they run each other over the car and stuff it's a great thing it horrifies everyone in the audience but yeah I saw that and it was like hell yeah

Again, this just shows up on my Instagram feed. This is like their rodeo. Let's go watch the guys smash through Florida fluorescent bulbs. It's the amazing light man. And then I call this one, what's going on here? Okay. Because that was all I could kind of fucking figure. With the grease after you cook fried chicken,

because I'm about to show you what I do with mine. Because I pour my hot grease straight down. the sink drain and I heard it's a good pipe cleaner and I know what I'm talking about. Duh. What do y'all do with your grief after you cook fried chicken? It's like a little baby AI. Yeah. Talking about pouring grease down the sink. So someone made like a whole AI where this like this is like sassy black lady baby. Toddler speaks. 280,000 followers? Yeah. Wow. But there's this whole like, My daycare teacher was flirting with my daddy today at daycare.

My grasshead mama didn't even notice, baby girl, you better. Open those heavy little eyelids are yours before she grabbed my daddy. Because honey women these days grab men like fresh hot cake. Jesus Christ. Yeah, dude. It's like... If you heat fish up at work, just know everybody in here suffering, baby boo. And you a dirty dog, it smells worse than half of your breath.

Act like you have home training even though we know you don't. and warm up good smelling food I just got here and this smell about to take Yeah This is this is it So there's this This like side of the internet

I don't really know what to call I'm sure we could come up with some names Don't get me wrong But it's like There's like This weird Like Need of like

This like mic drop kind of thing Where it's like I created this avatar And see Look I just said all this funny shit all in a row. Yeah. And like because now this baby set it.

Like see, like, oh my God, it's like this genius thing. Because there's this other guy who always has like, he has an AI version of himself. And then he, there's two different guys that he was actually. One is like a man on the street kind of thing. So it's a comical AI version of him. And it's supposed to be interviewing like regular people, which is also AI, but like, like a regular person. Okay.

And then it's like, it's like, if you're. paying for the meal like what's she supposed to do tonight like well if she's not suck and fucking like and it's like oh you're right you right and it's like this whole thing of like like you need this avatar to like show how right or like well there's uh it's like it's like the the like unk like once removed kind of thing it's you remember when there was this episode of Seinfeld where the telemarketer calls him and he goes let me get your number and I'll call you back

after work so we can talk about it and he's like oh so you don't want people calling and you at home now you know how I feel and the audience I remember watching that the audience just going nuts

and me feeling like I would That's exactly what it's like I was like oh god no this is this is gay now this show is gay um It's like there's such a need

For that kind of comedy though It's everything It's basically every interaction. Yeah. It's like that fucking... Like instead of the word of the day, you get an email of like the burn of the day. And it's a totally fabricated story. Yeah.

Where somebody just like put somebody down. It's like, well, gotcha. Like fucking got him everybody. And it's like, okay. Yeah. There's another guy who has like, it's an AI version of himself and it'll be like... Kickin ass, hauling ass, kicking money. That kind of shit, yeah.

Yeah. It would be like him and then like a picture of SpongeBob. And they're both in bikini bottom. And he's got like a little, the fucking air bubble on. And he's like a black dude with a Starbucks in his hand all the time. And then SpongeBob will say something. And he's like, you better slow down, OG. Like, it's not about the ones who loudest.

It's about the ones who hustle the most. And it's like, he's like spitting game to cartoon characters. Like, you know, really preaching and shit. And it's like, it's like people need to get their message or whatever the fuck out through these like weirdly like, well, you can't disagree with my. People are repressed to such a degree that they need. little baby to talk about not to microwave food at the office. Yeah. Fish at the office.

It's so fucking weird, dude. Because they have no problems at all. Yeah. And they basically live there, like in prison. Fucking Hood Baby's fucking 3D, man. Wow. And they just love how sassy and obnoxious this little black baby is. Yeah.

No more slow jams and grass for my peasant. parents at night time, and I'm trying to get some sleep. I'm about to be nodding off at daycare messing around with these folks. Let's see how much time they spend together after they drink this laxative. Maybe then I'll get some sleep. I flooded the bathroom, so they better figure out what they're about to do after they drink what I made them. What the fuck are you, is this? It's so fucking like, but dude, people love this shit, man.

I'm baddie baby. And I have a smart mouth. I just hate this shit so much, dude. Yeah. Like, all I see on my feed is like diarrhea, both in physical form and in like metaphoric form. Oh, well done. I mean, this has got to be just gold. Well done steak.

What is it? My mama must think my jaws built for it tough because why she gave me this well done steak, I'm going to be chewing it until I graduate high school. This steak's so tough I can scrub the rim of my mama tires with it, me. I just got these jaws. I'm not trying to break them. My mama. My mama must think my jaws...

Oh, I was going to start over. Pineapple on pizza. Who puts pineapple on their pizza? Pineapple doesn't belong on pizza, and I'm ready to argue in the comments, baby boo. Pizza should only have pepperoni, sausage, and cheese. Y'all be doing the most putting all this fruit on top. That ain't about to help you be healthier either. Stop it.

It's jail for real cause who puts pineapple on their pizza? It's arguing. It's arguing. People are obsessed. They need to argue. They need to see. Imaginary arguments, fake arguments. Yeah.

They need to see it also. That's what it is. It's the like, we're seeing people shower arguments. Mm-hmm. With this retarded baby AI. It's like when, remember when they started doing, uh, fake altercations, like those fake plane sets where somebody would get told off for doing something on a plane and it would go viral and you're like, wait a minute, that's not a real plane.

It's a fucking set. It's a set. That's not a real classroom. It's a set. Yeah. Yeah, someone, he just was asking for a cup of water. I mean. Yeah. But dude, this shit. Sick. It's fucking sick, man. This is sick.

This is, this is what I. data centers are doing, man. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, we needed a data center so a sassy black baby could have imaginary arguments about fish. An imaginary, sassy black baby.

I hate it. All right, goodbye, everyone. At least it's not shit. Not this time. Oh, shit, you're all dark over there. All right, goodbye. See you.