The Dick Show - Episode 51 - Dick on Bear Spray

Episode Date: May 23, 2017

A Maui look-a-like contest, a hula dancing festival, a regional liquor contest, Diet Coke Armageddon, proof of Kung Fu Tommy, more questions for Coach, how to make a noose, playing with bear spray, beating my girlfriend on Twitch, DIY home defense, throwing away kids' toys, an erotic story from a real man, the tyranny of fake gasps, Madcucks gives a weak book update, what to do with THE LETTER, the heart rate monitor, the best beer combo, a soft I told you so, and a sudden power outage; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey want Dick, you love Dick, you got it, it's the show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker in the city of failure. I'm your host Dick Masterson, with me is always a shun. Hello Dick. Hey, what's up buddy? Today, joining us today is my life coach. It's up buddy. How you doing?

That's a cool shirt, probably the coolest I've seen yet. I am wearing an exclusive road rage t-shirt right now. There's a couple available at the shop.dick.show. Right in the couple left. Dots and shows and dicks. Dot fun. Put in as many dots as you want. It's shop.

Dot, dot, dot. It's like Morse code. My website is just dot, dot, dot, space, dot, dot, dot, space, that space that it's SOS is the web. My only website, the future of dots. Hey, speaking of it, Morse code for I'm a rapist. Oh, wow. What, it's your role early for those singers, Sean.

We've got, I've got no filter today. No filter. If you want to see the shirt that I'm wearing, it's a really fucking cool shirt. Yeah, it's cool. It's me looking like a demon coming out of a, it's a GTO, right? That's a GTO. Lawrence GTO, like a 68 GTO.

It's actually a GOSS. Yeah, it's got goss in the front because it's powered by goss and it's got a big old road rage, road rage across it. God, I can't print. You know, I know it's Chris, the guy who drew this, a fucking amazing artist.

Let me look up his name first, because I can't, it's gone to the point anymore where I don't remember in my brain how to pronounce names. I just look at how they, like I just look at the symbols, like hyperglyphs.

And I know that guy, and I know like, and I don't need to know how to spell his name or know it to find him because you, well, you don't say it. Yeah, I never say it. I just recognize it by sight and you don't need to speak it. Every time I get in this position, I feel like such a fucking asshole

because I don't give people credit. Let me find it. That's a good, good radio. Immediately stop the show. Take all the time you need. Cut all this out. Let me find who fucking did this. God damn shirt. Well, and it's probably pronounced differently

than you're going to anyway. So I just want to get it right though. No, it's cool. It's cool. I want to get it right. Let me see here. Oh my God, I fucking nailed it first time, dude. Real amazing.

It's at Protsky. At Protsky. Chris. Chris Protsky. Look, it's at Protsky. The man's name doesn't matter Because that's his Twitter. Yeah, it's Twitter.com slash Protsky He's done a he's done a bunch of art for the show. He's fucking awesome. Go. I don't know send him send him send him pictures of boobs at PROTSK. Yeah at at Protsky. Yeah, man at Protsky big announcement today guys Yeah, at Pratsky, the man at Pratsky. Big announcement today, guys.

Three million downloads. Hey! Hey! Tune, the Dixho is downloaded to the tune of three million times. Three million downloads. Fantastic. It's like, and I feel like a general, and that every download is a, is a failed soldier.

Like the Patriot, like Mel Gibson in the Patriot, just looking on a sea of a sea of downloads, each download is a guy that we dropped in battle. And it's just me and you Sean and sometimes coach and and Randy, but because he kind of got stuck in this, because he can't help himself, cause he Randy knows that he should not be on the show, you know, talking shit. He's there too. He's there too. Helping.

Yup, yup. Dustin's there. You get pulled in. Yeah, Steven's there. It's, you've infected every. Esteriosis there. I mean, every, and half, people, they, they want him friendly fired.

Yeah. Every episode he's on gets the haters, but he's there. He's there in the trenches with us. For three million downloads. I don't know if any other podcast have been downloaded that many times, but the Dix show has been downloaded three million times.

There you go. There's an addition to the live stream that I want to mention. It's a little red number in the corner. Cause I've been watching a lot of Twitch these days. I know you've got really sucked into Twitch. And I notice that they have a heart rate sensor. Oh, cool.

Yeah, right? For the people playing the games. Yeah, to show, like they do these speed runs and they're watching like scary games. And it's just fun to watch and see its spike like to see them sweat. So I picked up some of that equipment. Oh, that's cool. So I'm wearing a little heart rate monitor right now.

Yeah, it's on the it's on the live stream. And I think I'm going to have a heart attack. Looking at it. It's at one 13 right now. That is very unhealthy. Well, that's the resting heart rate. That's my resting heart rate. That's that's that's high for a resting heart rate.

Are you sure? Yeah, but you're what are you a doctor? No, no, you don't know. Yeah, that's true. A veterinarian messaged me last week and said that one 13 is perfect for a beagle. Yeah, he said, he said like, hey, that itchy spot that you have on your legs, I was talking about, I guess,

psoriasis. No, he said that's probably liver failure. Oh boy. They sent me a bunch of links. I'm like, hey man, what are you trying to do to me? Like, I'm not gonna stop drinking. Yeah. Just tell me it's all gonna be okay.

Right. So that's what I send me a cream, a topical cream. That's what I want. Okay. Mysterious unmarked creams in the mail. Yeah, just perfect. It's just a sentence. It's just a sentence.

Put jargons in a bottle that has like a prescription on it and send it to me. It's not a liver problem. It's not a liver problem. Don't ever, don't do this to me. You son of a bitch, coach and I, 80s girls out for the weekend. Which means, Sean, it's all over, but the shout out. It's risky business time. Yeah. Coach and I are going to be dual risky business. I walked up here. There was, there was underwear hanging from the trees. Two men early, you've gotten

past the underwear dancing. Two men and whitey tighties and white ray band wear fairers are gonna be sliding around, are gonna be sliding around upstairs. In our tighty white brand underpants and white shades the Jamie Lynn Hughes sent us some matching white shades are gonna be wearing. Oh my God. All night, we're gonna be, we're gonna be twitching. Coach just pulled a knife on me by the way.

I don't know if that was that. I know, I saw it, but I wanna encourage that. I just pulled it out. I know, actually I wanna see that. Yeah, it's cool., but I want to encourage that. I just hold it out. I know. Actually, I want to see that. Yeah, it's cool. We're going to be sliding around and we're going to be twitching later. Cool.

It's going to be cool. We stocked up. We stocked up before the broadcast. We went to, we found a local liquor store. Amazing liquor store. Amazing, dude. I've been trying, I don't have a favorite liquor store in this area. I had one, I had one that was a block and a half

from my apartment in mega city one, but since moving out here, things have gotten a little fucky. Yeah, can I just interject about that? Okay, go ahead. That liquor store near mega city one. One of the most interesting coolest things I saw there was their security were the Bo-Tai Muslim dudes. The Black security were the bow tie Muslim dudes.

The black bow ties Muslim dudes. What are they called? Nation of Islam? Oh, yeah, that's right. They had a nation of Islam as their security. And this guy would fall you around and you were kind of like, you know, a normal security guard he falls you around. He's fat.

He's like, you know, he's got hanging out and he a piece of shit and he's like, make him in one way. Yeah. This guy falls you around with a bow tie and a, you know, a fedora on a nice new- Yeah, that guy, you're like- You're like, you're like, I'm not gonna steal anything and I also don't feel, I feel like he's kind of like, keep me company.

I'm like, this is a classy company here. Yeah, I always thought he was just volunteering. Like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Give it a talk to him. I never seen. No, because I don't want to learn about the nation of Islam. I wonder if they didn't even speak to you. No, they don't.

I actually, one time when I lived in Ningo, what I, they were handing out their daily bugle or whatever it's called, something bugle. They have a paper. Yeah. And I stopped and he was giving it away. Yeah, it's called something bugle. Those are guys in like the corners of New York

who are like, read on. So he, so I came up and, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. One guy reads and then like all the people are standing around listening. He's like a hype man. Yeah, kind of read on. Yeah, somebody always just says, yeah.

Man, I would, I love that. I could listen to like religious proselytizers in the street all day. I love how they speak in an unbroken sentence about absolutely nothing. Yeah. It's like an art. I always try to figure out what they're about to talk about.

It's impossible, because they never focus on something. You ever drive around like a Pico Union area or like near Koreatown and there's Filipino down there who are normally Catholics and like they'll be, you know, with the bullhorn on the corners, just at 120 decibels just right through your car window. That's all. That's all. That's such bullshit. I'm not. If you need a bullhorn to get your religious message across.

Your God sucks. Then yeah, you're. Yeah. My God doesn't need a bullhorn. He imbues me with his powers. Fuck that's cheating. You're probably working for the devil. If you need a bullhorn. Yeah. Anyway, you were saying about Englewood driving around. Oh, just that I saw him handing out these things. I said, oh, shit, I've never, you know, I've never even seen their publication. I yanked over to the side of the road and said, can I get one of those?

He's like, he was not like I could immediately tell you. He was not friendly. And I was like, because he said, well, we're also taking donations. Oh, yeah, here's five bucks So he gave it to me begrudgingly and I was like really confused right? I was like I thought they're trying to get their message out so I went home my roommates black at the time And I said oh, you know, I had a weird experience with one of the nation of Islam dudes He felt really weird. He's like oh, and he's like you don. You don't know. You don't know person for all black people. No, he's like, he got out his black phone

and he's like, hey, they're not doing that. He's like, you don't know what they think of white people? That's why they learned. They don't like white people. They don't. They think they were the spawn, I think they were pigs, I think. We're literally the spawn of pigs or something like that.

Something, something, was that in the vehicle? No. I then lie in my cat box with it. All right, let me tell you what makes me a rage today. So we got the three million downloads. Coach and I are going to be twitching later. We're going to play. We're going to be playing this game called Crawl.

It's man, it's really fun. I was playing. I don't even know why. Dude, I was not like I would have heard of it. Yeah, we're playing top gun. It's not legacies. It's very, to see the Harry. Which I was playing with 80s girl,

we were playing Mortal Kombat, and then like guys, the Lark, I threw on the Twitch broadcaster, and like people started, I don't know where they came from, but people started watching, like the little meter started climbing. So I'm like, for you, you're not doing anything. It was just like, well, let's see if any more.

Let's see if anybody has exactly nothing to do right now. Like, let's see how, let's dip a toe in. And see, because if nobody starts watching, then we can just board and board and board. Did you tweet it out? It's never happened. No, I did nothing. I didn't do jack shit.

See, yeah, so good. So then good. That's how you're watching. You don't fail. And I'm like, wait a minute. All of this shit talking, that I've been wasting all of this shit talking on my girlfriend for all this.

So I ran into the garage and found my, the dreaded cable pile, like the, not the cable box, the cable pile, like the second hand pile, and I'm been drinking all night. So I started tearing through it, knowing that the stupid headset controller is in there somewhere, and in the back of my mind,

I'm like, please God, please you seven people, don't go away, you need to hear, you need to hear these bombs, I'm dropping on my girlfriend all night, like this, this is, it's just, people need to feel it, like this is proper humiliation that I'm just divvying out. Yeah.

Divvying out, like, it's nothing to me. Like, yeah, this is final. So I, and I miraculously, like, I reach into this, this quagmire of spaghetti that is cables, and I seize, and the darkness, I seize upon the headset, and I pull it out like a scallop, right, with the cable wiggling all around and run back get run back into the room like maybe are they are there still people there are the people still

watching she's like it's gone up to like 12 them like oh my god 12 people because you understand Sean when I play video games my win metric is the humiliating banter. Yes. Is my spicy slam. Yeah. That's how I, that's how I want to win. I'm the cheapest video games player on earth. I've seen it.

On earth. I've seen it. And I only practice being as cheap as, if I'm doing actual moves, it's just to lure you into a sense of you competing fairly so that I can crouch and do a bunch of little tricks. Well, I remember you and the two one express and Mr. Fancy Pants, I believe they all have names.

I just realized that I know them all by their stupid names, their real name. Yeah. And I remember, I didn't even know Mr. Fancy Pants was good at this, but you guys playing Mario Kart all night. And he just beat the shit out of everybody, every time. Yeah, he was unbeatable. What do you mean? Did he play different characters? No, no, no, Mr. Fancy Pants, you kicked everybody's ass.

That was like, what character did he play? Probably Cooper. I don't know what he was, but. Probably Cooper. Wow. I was like, this is the one time where I'm not seeing dick able to just bullshit his way or just, you know, cheap shot fuck somebody.

Or like, is that guy has, is there something wrong with this friend? There's something wrong with his friend. I can't get in his head. If I, if I can't get in your head, it's cause there's nothing in your head. I've also never seen him talk shit before either. Yeah.

That guy's fucked. And he was talking a lot of shit. God, we lost controllers over Mario Kart. Like, mother, like goat, like road, the end of the rainbow road, grabbing it by the wire, the cord, and whipping it like a morning star, smashing the console until one of them breaks. Those were the days.

You can't do that anymore. Everything's too goddamn expensive. We're all living in a fucking museum. That's what makes me a rage. What happened? I want a console, like I want a stand-in when they finally hook up video games to your brain. I need a disposable stand-in controller

that I can pretend to play, because I'll be a grandpa by that time. So the little Irishman, his kids will be playing, like here, grandpa, you just stick this virtual controller up your ass. Right in the core. Right up your ass. And then you have this grandpa controller,

which is like a dreamcast controller that you can pretend to play on, because it's like the jitter bug of the controller world. Because you're so s- Cell phone with like buttons the size of quarters. Yeah, because you're so stupid that you're not able to come up with the brain waves to play unless you have the controller like us better generation.

And I'll be sitting there with this styrofoam, like it costs like two creds in future, in bitcoins, two future Trump coins, Trump's cryptocurrency. That's a man in that. Mad Bucks. And I'll get, yeah, Mad Bucks will be ruling the world by then. Get in early.

You're gonna get in early. Yeah. Get in early. You gotta invest early. No matter what currency, get in early. Get in early. All the currencies, get in early. Yeah. Get in there. You got to invest early. No matter what currency. Get in early. Get in all the currencies. Get in early. Oh man.

You know that you did you see that guy who launched a lawsuit to sue his date for text anger. Yeah. So I tweeted at him. I was like, Hey, dipshit. Call into my show because I think you're a hero. Did that get a response? I hate no shit.

Didn't get a response. Okay. No, it got a response from somebody who said, get a response okay but no it got a response from somebody who said hey that guy's a fucking crook he stole three bitcoins from me like who the fuck are you because yeah I was in a bit Bitcoin mining consortium and that guy I'm Scott I gave him I glad you're admitting that 93 or he gave me 93 bucks for a quarter of, for one of four bitcoins, and I sent him all four bitcoins, and he never gave me the rest of the money. I'm these a huge piece of shit. I'm like, yeah, now he's like famous for being like this hero, and he's playing it up, like that it's a gender issue. And this fucking, this poor bastard sees my tweet, and has a conversation with me about how this guy fucking stole Bitcoin.

I just love out of all the things you could try to smear guy with. No one will have any sympathy for you with that one. Bitcoin stole imaginary money. What the fuck do you mean he stole Bitcoin? He stole three grams of heroin from me. Okay. Still a shit. Still a drug.

So I'm still judging you, but I understand what you're doing. He threw he stole Bitcoin from me, like, is there a rest of that sentence? Or, okay, book them, book them, Dano. And my credence tapes. So I plug this, so I plug, yeah. So I plug this microphone into the controller. Yeah.

And I just continue my normal banter that I have, that is the enjoyment that I get from video games with my girlfriend, which is exactly any of the podcasts that we've been involved in. It's exactly the way to talk on the fucking show. I didn't know I could get paid for this. Get some bits on. And it was like I'm doing, you know,

I'm doing my usual video game stuff where I'm like predicting the moves that I'm doing. And then she still gets hit with it. And it's like, yeah, like I feel like a real rush out of that. Like, you know what I mean? Is this dick beats his girlfriend? I'm not gonna call it dead. Yeah.

Yeah. Because, because it's, it's. Because you're self-sensoring. Yeah, I'm self-sensoring. Because it's stereo. No, it's self-sensoring. It's self-sensoring. I don't need help from a stereo sun being key and

she'd from earth. All right. I don't need a chilling effect. I don't need help from a stereo sun how to be the biggest scumbag in the world. I'm just trying to start beating Mike. I don't want because I don't want to put her as a top billing shot.

I mean, that's what you didn't like. I give any credit to a stereo. Who is it? No, no, no. I don't want to put, I don't want to have anyone, I don't want really anyone else. Dick's show. I got it.

I got it. Sometimes Sean is here. Don't want episode, one episode he wasn't here. That's true. Couple episodes, I didn't go to Burning Man. That's right. You don't know that I'm going to be here. You have a pretty good inkling.

So it's the Dick dick show occasionally featuring Sean Dic dot Sean dot show. I still got paid for those episodes though. So I'm still mixing things I still did the majority of the work. Yeah, so I come in there and I'm doing my thing and next next thing You know there's like 50 people watching 60 people because peach retweets it or we're really good. Tweets twitches it. Yeah. How whatever that is. She has like a lot of viewers doesn't she? Yeah, she has like 50, 60,000 people.

What? No, I don't think it's that big. But still you could imagine. It's like 15,000 people watching her play these video games. And she has 15,000 people watching her at any given time. No, that's like how many people are subscribed to you. Oh, still. But I think there's like thousands of people watching her.

I don't know, man, it's this whole economy that's happening under our noses that I'm just waiting into. And if you're just waiting into it, the only reason I know anything about it at all is because you're just waiting into it. This would be completely under the radar for me. It was, and my point was it was so fun just playing. I was the first time I've had fun playing video games in years. Yeah. Even Mortal Kombat because I was finally, what system is that on? The Xbox One, which everybody made fun of me for having a parent. And I only have that Xbox one because like, when it just came out,

coach and I got very drunk. And for some reason, I wanted to play Titanfall. Is that the fucking console we bought? Yeah. So we took, so coach and I took a do you like that game? What game? Titanfall. I don't remember playing it. Oh, it's like the day

It came out. We're ubering around we ubered the best by and Body Xbox and tighten fall and then came back to my apartment I think we got so drunk we couldn't figure out how to hook it up. No, no, no, well first of all we everywhere we're going We're like well, they don't have it here. Oh, there's a bar next door though. Oh So well, our crawl. Yeah, exactly Oh, there's a bar next door though. Oh, so well, well, well, our crawl. Yeah, exactly.

So how they get you? Speaking of liquor. That's how they get you. Coach and I go to stock up for this girlfriend this evening. Uh huh. Our dual risky business. Two guys, two guys, imagine it.

Imagine like blues brothers, but in their underwear. No, no, like Tom Cruise sliding across the floor. Do we both slide the same direction or do we try to time it to where we meet? No, no, like Tom Cruise sliding across the floor. Do we both slide the same direction or do we try to time it to where we meet? No, no, no, no. One of us slides out first and then the other one slides out and surpasses them a little bit. So it's like synchronized.

Like when you start singing a song, it's different times. Which is one of the greatest things to witness that there is and it's not done enough. People singing the same, like, ro, ro, ro, your boat, like, you know, a different, starting at different times. And every, I could watch it for, I don't know if I have some kind of,

of something wrong with my brain, but I could watch it every, every time, every time I wanna see it again. Anyway, we go to the liquor store to stock up for this double-risk business night. And we're just doing our regular, we finally find a liquor store, as I was saying, in this neighborhood that stocks

an appropriate amount of craft beer and handles of teetos. But because everywhere else here, they're selling liquor and also piñatas and like cucumbers and weird bullshit. But we finally find the liquor store for us. And it's like, it looks like a library, but for liquor.

Like, there's bottles that you can't even reach. How far from here? As close as you can get. Oh, very close, like a mile, very close. So we go in there and we're acting like we're on a shopping spree. Like, it's like, we got the keys to the candy kingdom. We get it, and we're kind of, we're stocking up on so much booze that we're putting on the counter. And then going back, yeah, yeah. So we go up to, I buy it because you know, I always like to repay coach and liquor or food when he comes out to do this show

and deal with people's problems, which we'll do in a little bit. I swipe my card in the liquor store managers back there giggling like a little asshole. Really weird. Weird Indian guys giggling at us. We keep stacking up giggling. Like a little asshole. He's giggling. He's giggling. Very, very weird Indian guy is giggling. And he keeps stacking up our booze in a weird way. He's like stacking it up for himself. Yeah. Like he's standing like, what are you like playing with toys here?

Yeah. Fuck, don't play with our liquor. Don't you're ruining it. And he has a cell phone out with his other hand. So he takes his cell phone out and he's like kind of secretly trying to take a picture at first. So I said, Hey, what the fuck are you taking a picture of our liquor?

I thought he thought we were trying to pull a scam or something, right? He's taking a picture for his boss, like the drivers get the driver's license on that liquor. Yeah, I don't know before I could sound to do. Yeah, we had no idea. So I said, Hey, what are you taking a picture? And he says, Yeah, we have got a, what is Indian accent? Yeah, we've got a regional liquor contest.

I don't know what accent that was. Thank you. Come on, like, you know, I don't think, no, I don't think he was Indian. Was he? Yeah, he was Indian, but that wasn't a fairer for rupees or something. Yeah, he asked us to pay and and rupees. Group is, he said he was taking a picture

for a regional liquor contest. Yeah, that he was sure we were going to win. It's like, all right. Yeah, it's a good start. It's a good start. Uh, here's what makes sure you ask you guys to pose with it. We did. Oh, yeah. Well, I asked. I said, hey, what about if we get in, look, if Sean, if we're winning a regional, if we're winning a liquor contest, I'm getting credit. Yeah, I'm, it's this guy, two thumbs up, a liquor contest. Yep. Yep, yep. All right, let me see here. Have I got anything else to talk about

before we get into what makes me rage? Okay, a lot of questions. Who's all drinking this liquor? Oh yeah, this guy fucking, as I'm paying, he's like, who's drinking this liquor? Who's this form? Yeah, like there's a party that's not invited to or something. Oh yeah, I was like, who's drinking this? Who's this form? Like there's a party that's not invited to us. Oh yeah, I was like,

are you guys having a good time tonight? He's like, oh, I said, we're having, yeah, we're having a big party. It looks like you guys are having a party tonight. I'm like, yeah, we are. He's like, well, how many people are drinking this? Just us. He's like, telling his friends, you won't believe it.

These two gay guys came in and bought a ton of liquor and they're gonna go back and just have a do it in the accident. Do it in the right accident. Forget it. The moment's passed. I gotta tell you something. I think that this last week was a watershed moment of this show because I put down, we put down about 10 hours of podcasting

between the episode, the bonus, the bonus episode, which people were a little bit annoyed about that I didn't read that letter. Well, I didn't see, I mean, I could see that. I could see that too. I hope I didn't make it seem like I was just gonna read it. Yeah. I didn't know what you were gonna do.

So full disclosure, I haven't read it. I haven't read it either. I found, how can you do that? Because it's, How can you have that and not read it? Because it's not funny. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, mean, because it's funny to see how I react live. I know, man, you do that. You do that.

I don't want if it was just like, so I found a letter. Nobody's read it. Well, 80s girls read it. I found a letter that Maddox wrote to 80s girl after they broke up wanting to, you know, you know the kind of letter I'm talking about. Like, please get back with me. So Maddox and his camp have been fucking with us forever. And now I have like the worst fucking doomsday thing

in the fucking world. So I wasn't ever gonna read it on the bonus episode. I hope I didn't mislead anybody. No, I didn't think you were gonna read it. I thought you were gonna talk about it. Because the amount of comedy in that letter is not measurable. Is that the nook gospel? Yes, that's the entire, that's the nook-nuclear gospel.

That's a good name for it. And in fact, immediately after that episode went out, I got these ideas from Mad Cux texts me immediately. Well, he's, yeah. Mad Cux brain is working at all times. Yeah, Mad Cuck says get a psychologist to read it and analyze it and give a report on the letter. Then he says get an English professor to read it and grade it and say like what level it was written at or run it through

that test. There's a there's a test. Yes. Yes. Well, every test possible. We'll put this through. It'll be like Monica Lewinsky's Seaman dress. We're gonna run it every possible test. I love it. A relationship counselor, get them to look at it and give up a dating coach and see what kind, should they get back together? That'd be Dr. Phil.

Maybe Dr. Phil. A handwriting analysis person. Get the, I mean, somebody said, what are you gonna, what are you gonna save this letter for seven episodes? And I'm like seven, I'm gonna save it for a fucking seven to get episode. Do you kidding me? This is the funniest, this is the funniest thing

I've ever had access to in my whole fucking life. This is gonna be the first letter you're gonna read on the show, first show you do after you and Sean break up. Yeah. Yeah. So, you wanna, Chinese Tony wants to talk about jerk off time warps, were you and yourself for like three or four? I'm gonna jerk off time warp myself on this letter for a fucking year man And every step is gonna be the most hilarious thing that anyone has ever seen because you can't look away

Because we've all written that letter We've all written that letter and now it's ended up in the hands of someone you have tried to destroy. The words, it's like that Futurama episode when Farnsville goes, don't let this fall into the wrong hands and just gives it to the worst people on the fucking But anyway Your brother Sean your brother called me with some ideas. I'll see. He's fucking evil too. That's you. Yeah He said that I should make a mad lib out of it. Redact the words, like, redact the nouns and the adverbs and stuff. Like, eventually, you know, this is all, it's a slow reveal. It's like an omnis wedding. Like, I don't know if that's accurate,

but it's like, you're showing a shoulder. That's how we're supporting in the omnis. I assume. I don't know. I don't know anything about the omnis, but you're showing a shoulder. That's how we're pointing in the homage. I assume, I don't know. I don't know anything about the homage, but you're showing a shoulder here. Not even, we're not even thinking about nipples. No, just a shoulder here, just a, just a, much later. You don't even know what those look like. You know, yeah, take some forever

to break up with your mouth on your tits. That's what they call, ow, ow, ow. Like bags of sand. Anyway, mad libs. And then I have to, I have to make a confession. I kind of fucked up a little bit. Your brother, Sean, said, what you should do is have Dustin read excerpts

from the letter to high school girls and get their reaction, because they are perfectly in tune with like all they have is relationship drama. So they're like, you know, they endless, they're the ones that endlessly analyze tax. Fuck is wrong with my brother. So I, he's like a sick, sick bastard. No, he really is. Oh, yeah, you don't need to tell us. I told you, I'm afraid of that guy. I legitimately, I legitimately am afraid of that guy because I don't know what's going on in his brain.

I didn't know that I was the good one. Mm-hmm. Well, you straightforward. I'm about good. And you don't have a mustache. So I told Dustin, I said, hey Dustin, this is your, this is the ultimate bit. Pitch this, pitch this bit to Reddit.

And he said, no, I'm not gonna interview high school girls. I'm a grown man, that's gross. Dustin said that. Yeah. I said no, no, that's a perfect bit. Hmm. But anyway, we're gonna have some fun with it. Okay, let me tell you what makes me

a rage this week. Every time, every time I go to the drive through, which I did come in home today, we're recording it a late hour, so things are getting a little goofy and drunk today, but I was coming home from a thing. Mm-hmm. In the hot, hot sun, I was at 80's girl does,

does Hula, Hula dancing, that's her thing, that's her hobby. Her hobby is Hula dancing, they hit a little Hula festival down an hour away. And the hot hot sun, Sean, I don't know how hot, 110 degrees. And at the festival, they made the, they made the typically ass-in-line decision to have one shaved ice, but you think, what do you think when you think Hawaii? Shave Dice, right?

Shave Dice. No D. They got shave ice? Yeah. Oh, shave ice. They've got, oh, I didn't know that. It's a shave ice. You didn't know that?

Yeah, that's, you should learn that, Sean. You don't want to sound like an idiot. Wasn't it ice that's like shaved from a big block? Oh, again, no, no, no, they're really particular about it. Is it shaved ice? Shave ice? No. Just shaved ice.

No Ds at all. I don't think shaved ice. Is that a proper guy now? Is that a, what you call it? That's what Hawaiian's called. In Hawaii, that's what they call it. Oh, gotcha. Shave ice.

So I'm sitting out there sweating like a fucking pig, looking like Maui, like with all these other guys who are now, who I'm now as fat as. And what? 80s girl goes, oh, I was going to say, you fit in here, but you're, she was pointing to another guy. She's like, oh, you guys look like twins, but you're, and she paused and said, there comes some thinner than him. And I said, you were gonna say much thinner, weren't you? And then you're, and she started laughing. I was like, oh god damn it.

Cause I got that Maui's shitty hair and shitty attitude. And now I'm putting on the fucking book. I was like, don't you fucking, like I knew it. As soon as she, cause I saw her, I felt the M that she was gonna say and then it turned into thinner. I was like, oh you bitch. It's not a compliment at all. We're going right back on Twitch.

I'm gonna fucking hammer you. You think you can get away with this? I'm gonna get you on there and fucking Hadook and your ass for another night. My house, your heart rate. Well, 130, 134. Oh, is that, am I in danger of anything? No.

No, okay. Let me know if blood starts shooting out of my cock. So I'm sitting out there all day, sweating like a bastard with all these other, other Samoan men who look exactly like me. We all look exactly the same now. How long is this, it's like, what do they call this? Aren't those usually like, I mean, you know, you have festivals, you have a hula dances, but this is like, are there different levels of hula dancing? Is this a competitive thing?

Or is it like a recital where it's like, it's all for fun? No, no, I think it's for fun. Okay. I think it's to try to like get people out to spend money on pollination things. Yeah. Because they've got, they've got a hundred booths

where you can buy necklaces of turtles, but they've got one shave ice factory. And the whole thing, and it's one of those setups where you gotta buy a ticket here and then walk it over to the other booth. So it's like 40 minutes, I'm like, oh, fuck, I can't buy, like they did it, I can't buy, I can't buy, I'm not gonna wait in line for this.

So I'm sitting out in the sun, baking in the sun, I get back, she goes, she goes away, she goes down to San Diego, I'm baking out in the sun, I'm like, oh man, I can't wait, I'm just gonna get in my car, I'm not gonna wait in this stupid line, I'm gonna get in my car, I'm gonna dial up, I'm gonna dial up a McDonald's, and I'm gonna get the biggest, the biggest IC's Diet Coke.

Maybe I'll get two Diet Cokes, I've done it before. I have to. Oh, it's so shameful. I want to have like a fake man, like a carpool lane dummy. You know you're going to be in the car for a long time. So you don't embarrass yourself. Yeah, that's for him. Yeah, it's for this guy over here.

Don't look at him. Don't look at him in the eyes. He gets very upset. If you're going on a long trip, you need to. That is dead eyes. Sometimes you date a girl that doesn't drink all of her coke. You know, girls don't, see, girls get, that you buy them drinks that they don't go through.

They're always trying, women are always trying to chisel you down to smaller sizes. I've noticed. I'm always getting the pitch of, do we really need these 12 ounce cans? Why don't we get some of these eight ounce cans of diet coke for the house? And I say, if I see one eight ounce can of coke in this house, you're out of here. That's it.

Yeah. That's it, Sean. Like, you ever drank an eight ounce can of coke? It's got thimble. It's like a thimble. And it feels like a toy. Yeah. It feels like a, anyway, I like them actually. It's a a thimble and it feels like a toy. Yeah, it feels like a sh- anyway. I like him actually.

It's a feeling like. He's even under the giant. Yeah. Yeah. The parry is. That's the only way they come. I take everything back. I only want eight ounce.

So I get in the car and I'm like, oh man, I'm going to get two diet cogs. It's going to be the greatest day I go do. I go drive through them. McDonald's. I punch it in and it says it's a little bit out of the way, but that's okay. It's worth it. It's worth it just to get that tasty sweetness of that delicious diet coke in me. I go through, and I've had a bad week in the car. I got rear-ended. Just recently in the week. A couple, you know what it was? A couple days ago, I was texting with Peach about Twitch

and I glance up, I'm at a stop. I'm driving, because I didn't do anything wrong. So I'm okay to do that. Text while I'm driving around. I stopped properly, but I look in the rear view mirror and I see that this guy is gonna hit me. Yeah, barreling down. Barreling down on me and I said, oh God dammit. Sure enough, wham gonna hit me. Barely down. Barely down on me. And I said, I, God dammit.

Sure enough, whammy hits me. Pretty hard. Not that hard. And you know what? I thought I've been complaining about my car and I wanna get a new one because I can't take the squeaking. Yeah, I can't rid of that.

But when I got hit, I was like, you know what? I don't even care. Like I drove, I pulled over and I didn't, like if I had, I realized at that moment that if I had gotten a new car, which would have been a used car, but in nice condition, like I'm not gonna buy a new car, because it just seems like a huge waste of money.

It is. And I don't want that payment. Like it would, it would, you know, everybody knows that. We still buy them. They still get sold somehow, but everybody knows it's a big goddamn ripoff. So I pull over and I get out and I just have this zen like calmness over me like,

yes, you know man, like I don't care. I don't even need to look at it. Like I don't care if you scuffed it up. Yes. I've had a lot of days where I didn't get hit. Yeah, it was, it's cool. No big deal. No big deal could happen to anyone in this little, this poor Mexican dude, you know hit. Yeah, it was, it's cool. No big deal. No big deal.

It could happen to anyone in this little, this poor Mexican dude, you know, hops out. And he's like, he's freaked out. Sure. Cause I'm so fat that I'm very intimidating. Right. Cause I look like Maui. And it turned into a shark and bite him on the dick.

Reeking of ham with like, fucking shave ham. Shave ice stains all over his shirt. And two diet coaks. Yeah. On, one diet coke in each hand. It's like giant diet coke boobs fee. I got to cool my tits off with these giant 32 ounce.

Cause Morgan Spurlock took away my super size. So now I need two. Now I need fucking two. I got a briefcase full of french fries. You son of a bitch. Get out of your car. I'll eat a bitch, get out of your car. I'll eat you. I get out of the car and I'm just like,

hey, whatever, man. Yeah. It's all right, hop out. Like I don't need, goes, well, you know, are you okay? I'm like, dude, I don't give a shit about my car. It's a, it's a piece of crap. And if it was new, like that first scratch on your new thing is you, like even my car,

no, my car is a magnet for people just hitting it. Parked on the road, people hit it. Your car isn't, man, why is that? I don't know, it's like it's fucking invisible. What do you drive, Raffor? No, I've had that X-tera. Oh, that's an X-tera? Yeah, that needs to be solved.

You know why that is? Maybe people hit it on purpose. Oh, man. And you had a battery explode in the back, I remember that. Yeah, well. That was the one I remember because that happened first and like that's the one that takes the virginity I remember that. Yeah, well that was the one I remember because that happened first and like that's the one that takes the virginity of your car.

Yeah, but that was, I mean, that was like a little stuff in the back in the cargo bay or whatever. It was just me. Yeah, that was the one. Now the first one when I came out when I was living in Echo Park and I came out in the street and I was talking about you, your car getting messed up is lowering my heart rate.

I saw that down in the night. Yeah, I feel like somebody knows your pain. I'm just, yeah, people, it's tough to have nice shit in LA. It's gonna get hit at some point, but this car is exceptional for getting hit. The fucking, one of the back quarter panel, like was a little step by the back tire, laying on the road, meer, laying on the road.

And I come out and like some fucking neighbors like, oh, that sucks. Did they leave a note? And I'm like, yeah, they fucking left a note in Echo Park with some fucking drunken ass hole. Exactly. 3 a.m. Correa, correa, correa, correa, correa,

coming down the street like a fucking board game. Yeah, they left a note. And it looks like they're drunken the note too. Yeah. Perfect. It's totally legible. Yeah. I'm just, I'm pretending to write you a note. And it looks like they're drunk in the note too. Yeah, perfect. It's totally legit. Yeah. I'm just, I'm pretending to write you a note

because someone's watching you go fuck yourself. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, so you're zen because it's not a new car. Yeah, because I can still remember, I still look, even though my car sounds haunted, it squeaks so much. Even though it really? Dude, it sounds like it's powered by gerbils. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All down the street, even though it really? Dude, it sounds like it's powered by jurbals. Because I have it. You're all down the street. Even though it's such a piece of crap, like I don't think I could get money for my car. I don't know. I think I got to sell it for salvage anyway. Those rims though. Sell those. I'm gonna keep those rims.

I'm on the next car. Make tables out of them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh. I'm still looking at the original ding. The very first ding I got at that car,

I still look at it and it still hurts. The whole car has been beat to shit, wrapped around a curb in the rain because of the rain and rebuilt my still looking at fucking ding. I get out and I'm like, hey man, it's totally okay. I'll take a picture of your driver's license and you're insurance,

but don't even worry about it. And then he goes, he goes to me. Well, you're not gonna, you're not gonna call insurance though, right? I was like, I'm gonna tell you what, buddy. You're getting real close to turning that, yes, into a no. With the insolence that you're giving me, right? This didn't need, but you took his pictures of his things. Yeah, I had, because you never know

when you're gonna start getting a little bit of insolence. Never know when you're gonna get a little neck pain. Yeah, I had because you never know when you're gonna start getting a little bit of insolence. Never know when you're gonna get a little neck pain. Yeah. And I didn't, I was, I was, I was the one letting him off the hook. Yeah. You see, and he's got a throw in that, well, you're not gonna call, I mean, you said you weren't gonna call, right?

Like, well, I mean, you know, I don't know, my memory is hazy because I have a concussion. Like, yeah, what is the, who, what is the, why did you speak like, why did you do this to me? Where now I have to swallow this. Everything was fine. I was fine about my fucked up car getting rear-ended by you were probably texting too. By the way, you asshole.

Not a good week for a car. So I get in today and drive back from the Fat Man festival that I was the Fat Man contest that I had entered myself in I want those diacokes I go through the drive through man very very simple order. That's all I want Oh so happy pay with credit card whatever. I think I might have got it might have got a suit I might have got a Double Quarter Pounder too My darling my can't you can't recall.

You can't recall. Who knows? It was hot. I'm juggling. I was a little delirious. Not as slim as used to be. And he does. Constantly, I need them all day.

I make it about a half, I make it about a half a block away from that McDonald's. Oh no. And I take a sip of that tasty ambrosia that I want, that I want my whole life and it is regular Coke. Oh, and I squeezed the fucking Coke until it shattered in my hand and I pulled the emergency brake in the middle of the road and just got out and screamed

and the sun went dark around me and everyone fucking died. That's how everyone melted. It was like the opener of Terminator 2. Judgment day when the nuke goes and people were holding onto the fence for their ideals meal that man got a coke instead of a diet coke. No. That man got a coke instead of a diet coke. No! I'm like, ah! The fucking coke man. The fall I thought did so.

It's one or the other. One button or the other. Destroy the earth. Don't destroy the earth. Half of the fucking time. Destroy the earth. Whoops. How much did you say you wanted $15 an hour?

To fucking destroy the art every fucking time? I'm gonna start ordering one of both. Give me a large coke and a large diet coke. So at one I could just, I could sit in the drive-through and taste them both. And if they're ever the same I just get out and throw it right in their fucking face for fucking up my day. Yeah. Because it's all I wanted and I had been thinking about it for two hours. Was that sweet diet coke that I see diet coke.

Oh my god, the mouth. Because I didn't get any drinks. Because I went straight from nothing to beer. Yeah. Straight from nothing to coffee to beer. Oh. Yep. I don't know. It's just a drink of nothing to cough you to beer. Oh. Yep.

Hey, I got something to talk to you about. It's like, how's your heart rate? 165. I can go. It's like if you're gonna, like you're kissing a beautiful woman. Pumping that pudding through his veins from all the extra eating. I didn't, and regular coaks. I didn't drink that coke.

And I didn't drink that coke and I have to sit there and hold it because of course the cup holder is too small for a regular size for a non-woman size. They sell who buy sports cars? Man, and the cup holders are all built for women. But there's a child size. What do I put a fucking little cappuccino in here I need a Coke a large coke a dance and then eight ounce and but it's too wide it's too fucking wide it's like throwing a toothpick into a ravine if you put a regular

regular coke it's bound if it's nothing the couple if it's nothing so I'm sitting there pulming it like Dr. Claw petting a cat as I'm driving home Furiously not having a coke thinking if I should stop again and give it another shot But that would be admitting defeat. Oh, yeah and paying some other more 15 more dollars Excuseing another job. Mm-hmm. It's like the feeling of getting your diet coke Bait and switched on you To a coke Is like if you're kissing a beautiful woman and then just right at the last minute she goes, good night.

Oh, hey, I'm a guy. Oh, that's the one. Yeah, that was way better. That's what it feels like. Yeah, more honest, not. That's what it feels like. Well, I don't know what to do now. I don't want to make out with a guy, but I try it right here. Good night. Say good night. That's like they didn't fill the

diet coke all the way to the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Regular coke. That's like if they switch it up for diet Pepsi. That's like a good night. Okay, my god. No one has ever, no one has ever, no one has ever said, it's not, it shouldn't be, would you like, is diet Pepsi okay? It should be sorry, sorry, but here's a diet Pepsi. Sorry, because no one on earth likes this fucking soft drink, but some, I don't know how they even exist, that they're still fucking around. Pepsi, what were you gonna say?

Oh yeah, well, first of all, people, there's people who still remember the color wars. Those are the people who have an opinion on that. So normally your rage is I don't get that invested. And I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, I know he's got a point. But you actually had a rage the other day that really actually got me going. Which one? Breakfast.

Oh, breakfast. Did you, is that stuff you said real? Everything that I say is real. Okay. Oh, you know, no, you said real? Everything that I say is real. Okay. Oh, you know, no, you wanna seriously talk about breakfast, dude. It is, the rabbit hole on breakfast is like Chinatown. Like the whole time I found me breakfast. I'm like, I don't know, really that hungry.

No, no, listen. So, yeah, let me just cram it in. Let me do a great thing for my body because that's what everyone fucking has said my whole life. I need to kickstart my metabolism. Yeah, well that's, because my body apparently works like a fucking outboard motor that I need to prune it up

before the season starts. Like what the fuck are you talking about? Literally today at a big dinner, woke up this morning, wife's like, hey, you want breakfast? Am I gonna know? No, no, no, I don't really want breakfast. I wait a little while. I don't want it, but I don't want it.

Didn't care, didn't felt perfect, went right into lunch. That's just amazing. Well, now that I'm thinking about it, so I did a lot of, or people sent me a lot of breakfast research. That's how this show works. I run my mouth, and then people send me the evidence. Yeah. And usually I get a pretty good sense of whether I have to just, whether I was actually right and

there's stats or whether I just have to link away. Shut down, whether I need to shout louder. Oh, okay. Because I don't believe the stats that you sent. Right. Okay. That makes so much more sense than what I thought. Sean, no.

No, Oppo research. Don't treat people like that. If that's how you treat people, stop immediately. That's not realistic. Don't learn anything. Yeah, it was invented by one guy. The idea of breakfast. Yeah, starting to break it was invented by it was invented by the same guy. God, I I don't know what I believe. No, it was recent, man. It was like, it was like in the same time period as they invented that diamonds are forever. What, the concept of a balanced breakfast?

The concept of breakfast. Because think about it. I thought I was meant to, because it's like, break your fast. Well, this is the, that's why it's great at. That's why it works. A lot of people are hungry in the morning, are they? Yes, and that's fine, but they wanted to sell grains

and eggs and baking. And being very, very important. Yeah, so they pitched this idea and they fabricated everything around it and it's all ad based just like a diamond. It's like the same, like the same turn of the century-ish mad men guys. Well, I swear to God, I get on on his name, but one guy is responsible for you. Do you want me to look it up? Who created breakfast?

I don't know. It's a guy. Thomas Pistolcock is his name. Thomas Pistolcock. Thomas Pistolcock of the man-tucket pistol cocks. And every single fit, like you do better on tests when you're hungry. Like every single thing about it, no, no, that's true, that if you're hungry,

you do better cognitively. Really? Yes, because like they always said like you don't do as well and you need to eat better. You're like, you gotta be bursting with eggs like a cornucopia. Like you need to have eggs shooting out of every bore of your body in order to test well.

I mean, I had a flashback too. I'm like a you-a-log of a grunt. I can tell you those. The tentacles, Sam Hides tentacles. What is it? Oh, on the yellow night. Yeah. Oh, I can numerous.

First together. I've been somewhere you went a long time. Oh yeah. What the hell? I can numerous. First to get a reason. I've recently won a long time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. It's probably busy. What else did I was gonna say something else about breakfast? Well, shit.

The guy who came up with it wanted to sell eggs and yeah. Well, I got, I got, Oh, no, I remember what I was thinking because I was thinking about it. I call the evidence and I started to, you know, like the Big Lebowski like, oh, that moment where he to, you know, like the big blue bow ski like, oh, that moment where he's like, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, man. And he's backtracking about it.

So I realized if you're like a cave, like everything that I think is based on, uh, living in a cave type situ, tribal situation with less than 250 people. Cause that's, you know, done bars number, have you ever heard of that? No, I don't think so. So there's, they figured out an amount of people that you can know before like your relationship start degrading.

There's like a maximum amount of people that you can know. It's called done bars number. Anyway, because it's like people evolved in these small groups and everything about us is like perfect for that. Like we're like dolphins in that atmosphere that we're just perfectly functional. And if you're in that kind of atmosphere, I think you wake up and you don't have a refrigerator,

you don't have like a box of oatmeal in the pantry because you're living in a goddamn cave, you gotta go out and find something and trick it and run it to death. So everything, you're spending a lot of energy. Yeah, everything about you should function ideally when you're at nothing, when you got when you're hungry and when you got no food in your body, like your metabolism should kick in in the afternoon, like everything, like it's suddenly made, it's like, oh, suddenly

makes sense, I sent, I sent, I suddenly invented some science to have on my side, you know, which is important. I feel just so scammed by breakfast. Yeah, it's a betrayal. I still want to go set fire to like a wheat thrasher or something. Yeah, I want to combine harvester. I want to find that guy. I prefer feeding combine harvesters. I want to find that quaker blowing up grain silos.

Fucking barium and silo tariffs We're the silo tariffs. Explode. What do you think about silo? Well, you know, silos explode. Yeah. What do you mean? I don't know. Maybe if a silo should just happen to explode a little more off, but they explode because of the grain dust in the air. And if any spark happens, then it just immediately, but I knew something you didn't know. That's all. Yeah. And if any spark happens, then it just immediately, but I knew something you didn't know. That's all. Yeah.

Apparently not. Never. I didn't ever know more than Sean Dunbar. I was done. I'm going to look up. I'm going to look up Dunbar. Now with Sean. You know, it's fucking I, I rely on Sean to know things.

Uh huh. That's the relationship we know Dunbar. I wish you would come to trivia with us sometimes, Sean. You could win me two free beers, because I would take yours. Oh, I would. That's what it is. It's like the split of the show. Yeah.

You know what else we had in the bonus episode, the fake gasp's probably. Oh yeah, that's good. The top rage would ever be on a group. I like that one. I relate to that one. I was surprised by the immediate response everybody gave on me. And that is that,

because it gives you a fucking heart attack. Whoever you're dating for, for those of you who didn't listen to the bonus episode who don't go to patreon.com slash the Dix show, where you can get all kinds of content, Dick Riden, where I ride around on my car, screaming about things. I did one of those this week. Yeah, you did.

Talking about net neutrality, where you can either agree with me or post a bunch of statistics that don't matter because no one's changing anyone's mind. It's just me screaming about things. I don't know. It's just my opinion. We did a we did a commentary track with the stereos for all the all six Rocky movies simultaneously simultaneously. Yeah, funny. It was it's just it's a two-hour podcast where if you put it on at the same time as a Rocky movie every once in a while, it will happen to sync up with the one you're watching.

Yeah, that's why. Just a little bit of fun. Funny. A little bit of extra, you know, a little bit of a gimmick. Anyway, I figure I was talking about that. I threw out, oh yeah, because this, this, this issue that we're talking about, the fake gasping was on the last bonus episode, where everyone's wife, girlfriend, mom, sister will

gasp constantly at anything and it gives us hard attacks. Yeah, it's very much outsized for a reaction to whatever the problem is. So I tweeted it out. My mom died. It's not like that. No, it's never like that. I got some examples. I thought I saw bug. Yeah, I thought I saw bug. What I asked, what is a woman in your life fake gas to about today? I'm listening and tweeted this last week after it started. Yeah, after it started picking up. Here was the here was the responses. Oh, I've got their gems in there.

Zubant McDonald's milkshake machine was out of order. Oh, yeah, yeah their gems in there. Zubant. McDonald's milkshake machine was out of order. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Actually, that one, I could, co-worker comes in, puts down stuff, leaves phone rings on her desk. She comes back in, someone called. This is from Leccembra, it's a lot of songs. Yeah, yeah, Australian guy. I walked into the room and she thought I was a stranger. This happens probably once a week. And I realized that as I'm walking around,

where are they living? I mean, what do you mean? I'm sorry, you don't do this? What the living situation is. What, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, buddy, let me, okay, let me tell you something. He walks into the room and he walks into the room. And his wife goes, I thought you were a stranger. Yeah, no, wait, wait, no, buddy, let me, okay, let me tell you something. He walks into the room and he walks into the room and his wife goes,

I thought you were a stranger. Yeah, no, this is absolutely, never, that's never happened to me. But do you live with a significant other? Well, not technically, up, we're together, we're together a lot. It's different. I'm at the place, no, I'm at the place a lot. Let's put this in.

Let's put this gas on the bag burner. What's the situation? For these intents and purposes, yes. Yeah, but no. So you have a girlfriend you don't live with. But you are over to her house like what? Six nights a week, five nights a week. For like weeks at a time.

Weeks a time. Sneaking into the window. What are you doing? What's going on with your other plays? What do you mean? It's further from work. Oh. It's further from work.

That's a good excuse. I used to have friends trying to get you to move in. I used to hold all my stuff. Oh man, I got, baby, I got too much stuff to move in. It's, no, she's not trying to get me to move in. Stop, can you bring some shit home? This happens to me, like it's gotten to the point where if 80s girl is home and I'm coming downstairs

And I know she's in the mask. I know she's in the bedroom and I need to go in the bedroom I will Cremont downstairs like the fucking bushwhackers, you know like humming a song I'm a baby. Hello my darling now just so she cuz she's every and no matter how loud I get as soon as I round the corner She will glance over and go, and give me that look. Oh, God, all that, I have a fucking brass band, like Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins

are banging symbols between my knees and she's still fucking surprised. But, I'm like a ninja. I've learned where all the creeks are in my wood and my, it's like a sneak around the house, constantly jumping out. What do you do that to your wife? Case things by scene.

Apparently, I'm like a stealth walker. Like I've scared the shit out of multiple roommates over the years where it's like, I don't mean to be quiet but I don't really clump with it. So I'll just all of a sudden I'll be in the kitchen. They'll turn around and then you'll get the gas from. You are a very, very sneaky. I'm sneaky, apparently.

I'm sneaky. Sneaky, we can go you the sneaky Greek. What's the? That motherfucker. He was we were out of the podcast studio for like an hour, maybe like a half hour. He filled up a tumbler of juice and tequila and walked over to the couch and sat down and immediately spilled an entire tumbler of juice and tequila. Like this is the guy who, Asterios. Last time he was here, he was slinging cranberry juice around the house like the Tasmanian demon. Immediately spilled all over the place.

Let me see if I got any more of these. Do you wanna hear? There were some good ones in there. Chris Rock says my worst experience was a spider being in the car while I was driving. And the gasp caused me to slam on the brakes. Made me a road rage. Yeah.

Yep. My sister gasped when she found out a series she was watching was being renewed. Like an excitement gas. Yeah. That's from you 65. Danoo dropped a plastic cup on the floor. A friend of mine in class thought she forgot a pencil for our exam. I love the ones where it turns out not to be thought

she saw a bug. That's what it is. That's the best. Uh, told her that her shoe was untied. This one. Wait, somebody gasped and let somebody else know that their shoe was untied. No, the guy told her her shoe was untied. You were like, oh, yeah. Like it was a snake. Like, hey, that snake isn't bundled up on your shoe. Scummy, scummy bog.

She saw a super cute pair of Lulu lemon shorts. There you go. All right. That's the, that's that bit. Keep sending in those fake gas. So I like that one. Yeah. I don't do. It's fun. I'm all right with it. It's fine. Well, it's never going to stop. You know, I don't have a problem with it, but just, you know, realize that you're, you're collectively taking like three years off of our lives when you do it. That's all I'm saying. Wow. Let's see here, what else do we get? No, I've does the owl.

When there's no reason for the owl. Mm, yeah. Just the, you know, open the door and be, ow. Oh, shoot, what happened? Yeah. I just felt a weird pain right here. No, no, no pain. Why'd she say ow?

That's just her go-to owl. Yeah. Let's see here. Not a gas. I guess it's her version of gas. Let's do one of occasion. You did? Yeah. Oh, do you have anything that makes you a rage coach? No, no rage. But I do have. Okay. Well, never mind. Not really. What do you mean? What do you have? Just a kind of funny story. That would be funnier than kind of funny. Well, you know, you're doing like an oversell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in an area that had bears and all the locals were you like Montana. Okay. And they somebody check on whether there's actually bears like bearded big bearded gay men. Right. No, no, the real ones. They got grizzlies too, which apparently not, most of the country has.

Oh yeah. And grizzlies are like the ones that will definitely attack you, unprovoked, right? Most of the other ones are scared. Black bears are what we have here in California, they'll just run. Oh really? Grizzlies will come at you.

Grizzlies are apparently the no joke ones. But so, you know, the first couple of people that told me, oh, do you have bear spray and like, no. And I'm like, tell my wife, no, don't worry about it. Then like, everyone's telling me. Yeah, I was telling you like, don't worry about those, baby. Yeah, I don't need bear spray.

And I got all your bear spray right here. Yeah, picture in like, gonna box the bear something. Yeah, and everyone, everyone, even guys, I was like, this case seems like knows who he's talking about. They're like, get the bear spray. So anyway, got the bear spray. That's, that should be guys, I was like, this case seems like nose he's talking about there, I get the bear spray. So anyway, I got the bear spray. That's, that should be, that's like a, you're not lying.

Like it goes until you hear a guy that you think you would ask for help. Oh yes. The male hierarchy is, unless, unless I'm told it by someone, I think I would ask for help from, I'm not listening at all. I don't care if it's obviously true,

like if I'm stepping into a hole, if it's someone I don't respect in that weird masculine way, like if it's a little girl telling me, you're about to walk off a cliff, like, and it escalated perfectly to it. That's to be a perfect isolation. The first one was, wife came back to the car,

and the woman at the RV park counter said, we should get bear spray. It is 40, 50 bucks. So just, you know, it is expensive. All right. So you're gonna buy it. What's in there? Uh, Caspian. I mean, it's like Mayas, but it's big.

Okay. But anyway, so we go through the trick. Don't you have cocaine. Yeah, right? Oh, yeah. Right up your nose. So it's a prank. They fill people been going around filling up bear spray.

They get all angel dust. Hopt up and mall you at like like see Eyes go all red. Yeah, they grow tentacles out there back. They're like oh shit. It's a super bear So we go through the trip but don't need to use it Yeah, and I'm like oh, what do you do with this fucking bear spray can't bring it out of the plane? Oh, you can't now? I guess you're much playing. Oh, you can't. No. I guess too much. I can't think hand big air. I'll tell you a plane over to the side of the road. I'm like, babe, I'm going to use this bear spray. Something to say, I'll wait right? I've never sprayed bears. I actually did. Yeah.

Okay. So I pull over to the side of the road. I'm like, Hey, we're going to use the bear spray. It's like, what? What? No, nothing. Just come here. Come here. Yeah, I'm like, I gotta show you something. Say, again, say, again, what the fuck are you saying? Again, bitch, you might have gassed. Yeah, I said, well, yeah, I got this bear spray, I'm not gonna throw it out without using it, right? Yeah, that would be, we're gonna never spray it, bear spray. So I'm using, I'm not gonna throw it out without playing with it. Yeah, is the correct phrase.

Wait, just before you get there though, is that in case you are attacked or are're supposed to spray like around your campsite? No, actually funny enough. Do not spray because they're attracted to it in small doses. They want to find out what it is. They've done tests. They've got people of coded stuff with it and the bears are actually attracted to that,

so don't do that. So it's like the aftertaste. They probably eat enough food that has like spicy cassian or whatever on it. They'd a lot of breakfast with the basketball I got the rager eggs and then they probably do to generate bears so you know, I'm starting to get a little fat They're eating breakfast so You know if I just pulled over the side of the road and shooting a gun no problem done that plenty of times

Haven't sprayed that little air say let me say before you continue plenty of times. Haven't sprayed that much. Well, let me say, let me say before you continue. Coach is going, he goes on these RV trips with his wife. I don't know why, is there a purpose for the trip is. That's a longer story. They go in, they go to a location, they rent an RV, and then for like three weeks, you guys just do a gigantic loop or on the whole state. It sounds multiple steps. Sounds fucking cool. Sounds fun as shit, maybe get into fights with Australians at every campsite on a, that's me. I actually have another story about that.

About what? He's always like taking notes, I'm saying. Whenever we drink, coach, talking points, keep notes. I just want to bring in, and I said we don't forget anything. And then the next day we wake up and we have a new constitution written

about gun control. Well, let me just throw this in there. So as I'm day we wake up and we have a new constitution written about a gun control. Well, let me just throw this in there. So, as I'm building, you know, I'm building fires at every stop we're doing. And every single time I was thinking about the fucking Australian, I was literally looking over my shoulder, thinking for the big Australian. I was thinking, you know, as I'm building this fire, I thought if a motherfucker came up to me and said, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's not how you build a fire. Yeah.

I don't know what I do. Huh. I was stumped. Yeah. I don't know what I do. Huh. I was stumped. Yeah. You gotta get ready for that. You got bear spray, but you don't have your dump spray. I mean, you don't have to give some dick masters in Aussie spray. This shoots out little boomer.

You press it and it plays the 500 mile song. I will walk five and they're like, ah, and you can't hear it. Only Australians can hear it. And I will walk five and I'm like, ah, and you can't hear it. Only Australians can hear it. And I will walk five, like a whistle. But those guys are from Scotland. Oh, really? Yeah. That's why they don't like it. That's why Australians don't like it. Everyone knows that Australians and Scotsmans are mortal enemies. Yeah. Everyone knows that. Fair enough. So I do. So I pull up with the. What the Warriot. What the R.A. Is Chumbo Womba from Australia?

I think they're British. I don't know. What a ACDC. They're from Australia? They're cool though. Wait, are they from Australia? Yeah, the young brothers are from Scotland actually,

but they they immigrated to Australia when they were kids. And the ACDC is from Australia. Yeah. Damn, they get a lot of good mute. Every like there's a bunch of guys on the show. Oh, right from. And we are, we're definitely doing road rage Australia at some point. Oh, that would be so fucking cool.

Oh, yeah, dude. I always wanted to go to Australia. Yeah, let's do it. I've been in New Zealand, New Zealand. I've been in Australia. Making RV trip out of it. So coach says these things were him and his wife. They grabbed, they rent an RV at the place

and they do a gigantic loop and they stay at camping sites everywhere they go. The reason I bring that up is the proviso is, or the coach adds a little bit of flair by bringing his peace along with them, because they always go to gun friendly states and locations. This is true, right? So you are you're packing, you, he packs it up, he packs it up and it's a bomb, and I didn't know you could do this, but you just ship, you just, what do you do? You check it up. He packs it up in the box. And I didn't know you could do this, but you just ship, you just, what do you do? You check it in.

Yeah, you check in. So it's like a normal, just like a, like a thing. Yeah. No big deal. Yeah. You have to sign any forms. Yeah, you've signed one form. Sign one form that's a, I just say it's I'm not doing too funny with this gun. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Is it unloaded? They might get out sign loaded. Don't worry about it. Okay. So then he goes, and that's his RV tour with his wife around the States is of course carrying open carrying depends on the state. Okay. Tana's up. You bring one gun with you. Yes. One gun. What do you mean? Why are there other other weapons? Yeah. Sure. Oh, you carry knife with you too. Yeah. Okay. So before

as he's leaving on this latest trip with his wife, his wife sends me a text of coach with like three cops and federal rookie people about that. And she said, Hey, apparently coach is a gun looked too fun. Yeah. That's a, that's a longer dumb story. Yeah, but okay. So I whipped the RV over to the side I'm gonna use the use this bear spray. Yeah, and the wife's getting up tight, right? So I'm cool about it Right, I'm ready to just jump out of the car and start spraying stuff and she's like, oh, I don't know I don't know what about anything whatever you find whatever the first thing I yeah rock Ravories No, it's like, we're literally on the,

10 minutes away from the RV spot, and I forgot about it. And I said, oh, shit, I need to use this bear spray before. So I just pull over the first place. What are you looking to see in this experiment, though? I mean, I have a long history of dealing with people who do strange experiments. What are you looking for?

I mean, you understand, if you're just doing drugs, right? You can not do them, or you can, you have them, you can do them, you cannot do them. I just decide to do. That's tears new slogan. You can either do them or not do them. We don't judge. Yeah, well, I guess for me, that means,

well, obviously you do them, right? So the bear spray, you can either throw it in the trash or you can use it and then throw it in the trash. Okay, so I, but not she's getting me nervous, right? It's like, I don't know, it's for bears and I don't know, I'm like, come on, just don't worry about it. But I'm still trying to play it cool. So I, but you know when the woman of Jecks,

you know that you're on your own. And she is, also she's pretty spot on. Yeah, she lets me do a lot of stuff. You've said this before. She's really good. But I'm like, she's letting you have the dueling risky businesses. And the thing is, a few times during the trip, I said, well, if I don't get to use this

on an actual bear, I'm definitely going to use it somehow. I'm going to use it on something somewhere. Open for a bear attack. No, not actually. That shit got real at one point where I thought I might have to use it, but it was a moose. But that was scary. There was a moose, but that was scary. It was a moose? Yeah, they're fucking no joke.

20 yards away from a moose. And I said, I'm so glad I have his heart break because I'm in the middle of backcountry. That was the first time I'd been in, I've been camping in some remote places but that was serious backcountry. So anyway, I'm like, don't worry about it. So I started, I'm like, you know, videotape me, you know?

Yeah. So I started, because this is how memes are made. Yeah. That's, yeah. Well, this could be the next shovel guy. The guy who did the bear spray and a bear came out of the bear spray and attacked him. I mean, I definitely know how to be the dickhead

who didn't videotape it at this stage. Yeah. It's makes a money out of it. Yeah. So I, I'm like, okay, videotape. And she's like standing like 20 yards So I, so I'm like, okay, video tape and she's like standing like 20 yards back. And so I'm like, I'm like, whoo, you know, this stuff was great. It shot out 30 feet.

Okay. Oh, it's good to know. Oh, yeah, it's good. No, that's what I was saying. Yeah, you need to know your weapon. Exactly. So it shoots out 30 feet, a cloud that is instantly just caspian cloud. And I said, oh, this is impressive.

Why are you keep saying caspian? Oh, it's the caspian sea. The caspian sea. Capsaacin. Oh yeah. Capsaacin, I think. One of those bear poison. Whatever the hot shit you have.

Whatever the hot shit you have. The measure in scoval, you have. Capsaacin or whatever. Anyway, so Capsian. So it's got a lot of Capsian in it. So I'm like, I'm like, oh, that felt pretty good, right? So I'm like, okay, you videotape this? It keeps right up, p, p, p, p.

I'm like, okay, well now I gotta empty the whole thing, okay, and I'm like, p, p, and it goes, and I'm like, oh no, I'm like, yeah, that was the win-change. Exactly, yeah. No, I wasn't getting a lot of that airborne, I'll go. Thankfully, the win wasn't even that strong, but I all of a sudden, because she's 20 yards behind me, the winds come and I'm like,

I'm immediately turned back on. She slams the door and I hear you fucking me in. Because that's the worst. If she gets some of it, and she was working me in, I'm fucking around again forever. So I remember, I'm like remember it's on your permanent record. Get started sounding like a bear turns him into a bear. I don't know.

He's sprouting. He just come out and shoot and she jumps in immediately. I get in the garbage scene of a man who used all the bears right when his wife told him not to turn it into a bear. He wants these ones. Yeah, what? Looking for breakfast. Dude, he's got a glock 10 strap to his leg. But he doesn't have any thumbs. That's the worst torture. Oh.

Oh, man. So, it's been trying to kill himself for 50 years. What an unholstered shit. What did it feel like? Not good. Like, not like, and I barely got a bit of it. Imagine that. And I barely got, because the cloud never like came back at me.

I couldn't even see what came back at me. Yeah. So I'm driving away on my car. Right. And she's, thankfully she's laughing because she didn't get any of it. So she just said, well, of course, you know, I told I told, she didn't say it. But everything she's beaten around the, I told, she just heard it.

But everything she's beating around the, I told you, she'll bush. She's stretching, she's edging herself too. She's classy. But the, I told you she didn't say the, I told you so. But, but you think you made, I made some poor decisions. No, no, no, no, no, she just, she laughed. So she, yeah, that's much better, right? Yeah, at least, I'm like, good, at least someone laughed.

Maybe it also like, that's funny. Made her think that it's funny. Right. It's not like a life or death thing. Maybe it's like, he can get a little he can take a beating. Exactly. She said something to that. She's like, you know, normally obviously with hunting and stuff, you can't you can't shoot yourself with the gun to see what it feels like, but I'm kind of glad you got a little taste of the, you'll bear spray. Where are you telling me? I remember in some, some night we were talking about this where you were saying, we were talking about mace,

you and I were talking about home defense and you were saying that mace or bear spray was safer than a gun because you're more likely to use it. I didn't say that, but what I, but you did remind me of something. I was all about the gun because I had a gun on me. But everyone was still in bear spray. And the bear long got down.

The guy who convinced me to get the bear spray pulled his vest open and had a 44 Magnum Del. I said, you got it. Yeah. Didn't have a 44 Magnum. No more questions. No more questions. Right under his arm. 50 bucks. And he said, this got it. I did a 40-pointer. No more questions. No more questions. Right under his arm.

50 bucks. And he said, this is the last resort, the bear sprays. And I cert research that your shots with the gun are 50-50. Especially with your eyes are soaked in bears. No, no, no, no. 50-50 with the bear spray, it's like 98%. They do not like that shit. The gun though, if you, it's just like a human,

I mean unless you get a kill shot, you're just gonna piss it off and yeah, that's a good dick tip then. Yes, bear spray. Don't spray, don't play with bear spray. No, that's like what the spray, like you said, if unless you get a kill shot, you're gonna piss it off and it's gonna run around for a while

and probably tear you to shreds. But if you shoot the bear spray and you're fucking with, you're fucking with the breathing, you're fucking with the vision. Well, the key is you also create this 30-foot cloud that is like, the key is you spray it as it's running towards you. And if it even hits the cloud, it's like, well, fuck this. That's like perfume. You should spray it and walk into it. Another thing the guy said, don't wear perfume they that's the same thing as a is like food They'll smell that anything interesting in small doses. They will walk towards natural cock lockers. Well bears all right

That's a very story. It's a bear made bears break. Yeah, so that happened. I'm gonna I need to get it that twitch Oh, yeah, I need to get in I need to get out of these clothes. I need to get out of this cool shirt. Into some underwear. Into some underwear. Into some underwear. And I need to get into some tidy, white brand underpants and socks and white wafer ray bands. That's another good one.

I brought some pants that didn't have belt loops. So my gun and my knife, that was interesting trying to get those things. What sort of pants don't have belt loops? So you brought on sweats. You brought sweats. You brought sweats. You brought sweats on your vacation.

You brought sweats on your RV vacation. Oh yeah. And expected them to have. No, I didn't, that's the thing. You didn't think about it. Didn't think one fucking step ahead, you know. Yeah. In that one instance.

It's always that first step that'll get you. Oh my god, I got the gun, I got the knife. I'm all excited. Let's go, let's go, let's go. That's what happened to me when we went camping with the, when I went camping with 80s girl and Peach, like I got, I got so excited for all the stuff that I had already loaded up, like for the grill,

the charcoal that I bought, because I knew exactly what kind of grill it was gonna be. I got all excited for the stupid stuff and just forgot like forks and plates. And all, so we're just, we're eat, like I'm fashioning, I'm fashioning us sticks to jab at the meat and trying to play it off. Like it's,

you meant to do it. Yeah. I never bring utensils. All right, I got my sweats on my gun and my neck. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. It's like, I'm such an idiotic brain. And I know she knew she knew. She was like, oh, this is gonna be fun.

She was trying to strap that gun to his sweats. Yeah. Fucking draw strings gotta be good for something. Yeah. Tied around the trigger. Yeah, just dangles down. Lord is around. Lord is grand as says.

From your waist. Lord is grand as says, I want to ask Dick how he felt when Maddox called coach a jiggle-o. Maddox called coach a jiggle-o. What? I don't think Maddox knows what a jiggle-o is. Like most coach cake. Coach cake. Maybe I think like most sexual terms, Maddox doesn't understand what they actually mean

Many events the the definition later. All right. I'm gonna read this erotic story The Dixho presents yeah an erotic story from a real man. Oh, yeah Is a moment for you to relax over their coach? Yeah, don't look at me in the eyes, please I'm looking at the eyes the whole time I eyes, please. I'm looking at you. In the eyes, the whole time I read this story, I'm going to get right up on the mic, too. This is from Big Brochelist. I was lying in bed last Monday listening to podcasts, and I received a letter from a tender girl that I've banged a couple of times.

She asked me if I had any alcohol, and if I wanted to come over for a couple hours. Nice. It's a good setup. Very erratic setup. Anything could happen in an hour. Anything could happen in a couple hours with some alcohol. She said she had to get up early, but her roommate and her were drinking and had run out of alcohol, and the store had refused to sell them anymore.

So, so, so, so drunk the liquor store refused to sell them anymore. That's so value. So drunk the liquor store cut you off. That's a good spot to bury. Couldn't keep it together. That nation of Islam guy booted them right the fuck out. She had invited me over before to get another friend and her drunk in exactly the same way and we ended up having a threesome. Whoa.

So of course I was down this fucking this guy starting off and I levels of eroticism. Only one way it can go from here directly up into more eroticism. She was totally crazy, but also wild and bad. So I was willing to put up with her bullshit. You know, I haven't found that to be true that crazy chicks are good in bed. I found that they're very lazy in bed. I found that wholesome girls are good in bed, that they act like the opposite, like Japanese businessmen that want to be tied up and whipped. I think that the opposite of what they do in their daily life.

I think it's pretty much random. There's no correlation at all. And most males have such a small sample size. Exactly. They're like, oh man, fat chicks in sane bro. Yeah, okay. Cause you've only laid three chicks in your life and they're all 300 pounds.

Good afternoon. I said I'd be there in 15 minutes. I got dressed, grabbed a bottle of vodka, a bottle of wine and some beers covering all his bases. I was walking over when I started getting frantic texts telling me not to come over. She had a period, she felt yucky. Sorry.

This train doesn't have any breaks though, and if you're gonna get me out of bed on a Monday night to deliver you alcohol, I sure as fuck am coming over to at least get a blowjob. Classy? Classy on top of this guy. Oh, I got there and Senator text asking if she wanted to let me in and explain why she was fucking with me. That's good. You know, the things that we do that are normal sound terrible

when someone else reads them. Oh yeah. But we'd all do that. Like, uh, you're, could you get that period tagging like, uh, I could, I could wiggle my way around that. Most, you know, a lot of things sound weird when you read them. One of my favorite sayings, uh, anything too stupid to be said is sung like songs and you read them. It's stupid. Yeah. Even dare I say, if you read Trump's transcripts, they sound horrible. Unless you see him say thes, they sound horrible, unless you see him say the thing. Better watch it, you're gonna get banned

from the Donald talk, I'm like that, on this show. I'm just saying, that'll fuck around. I'm just gonna shut down. No, it's back up. Oh, back to erotic. I got there, cut that out, Sean. She opened the door and apologized profusely. We went into the lounge and she introduced me to her roommate.

This girl was fine. She had long brown hair, cute bangs, huge boobs, a thick ass, those horn-rimmed librarian glasses. Oh yeah nice. And an unusual name. Does that get you going? Laquisha. I like to think so.

Maybe. Does he say the name? No. She was also a bit dumb. Hmm. like you think so? Maybe. Does he say the name? No. She was also a bit dumb. Okay. And probably at least as crazy as a roommate, just my type. They were both in their bath robes, clearly drunk.

Wow, man. I was literally just about to say, I'm believing this story. Until that? Until the bath robes. Yeah, but they got kicked out of a liquor store. Maybe they threw up on themselves, that's true. Maybe they had to go home. They went in their bath robes. Oh, that's important, she's got huge boobs.

All right, I'm still on board. I took the booze out and they were very impressed. We started drinking right away. We made small talk and discussed their favorite topics, music, feminism, race, books, et cetera. You know, the usual things, three white college educated people talk about a party. Yeah. Just things that make me want to kill myself for 200 Alex.

Unless I'm there. That's a fun guy. And that's you're there. Then you lure the murderers. Oh, we talk. Most people just will go along with what? Oh, yeah. No, you know, yeah race relations.

Yeah, it's really important. Yeah, this is what I hear when coach is over and I hear the following echo throughout wherever. So let me ask you something, that's what I call, oh, yeah. I was about to start asking the wrong questions. They told me about how they thought it was empowering to take agency over having sex with a guy, even if technically he was forcing you to and how they weren't really white because

they both had indigenous ancestry. Wait, are they tricking you into reading a rape story? No, that's like how they, it's this type of person like they think all sex is rape. The only conquest I cared about was under that robe, but being a liberal arts major, I know how to talk to these kinds of girls, and I steered the conversation and to talk about our fathers.

Very smart. The roommate was telling me about her dad is a platinum recording artist and a total asshole. Wow, that's pretty cool. And we happily shit talked our dads while listening to random 80s songs until they were getting turned on. Tell our dad came on.

Yeah. They plucked her to her dad's hit song. Did you date a shugan? Would it turn you on if you were dating a girl whose dad was like a famous musician? I don't think so. It wouldn't turn you on anymore. I don't think it would do.

I don't think so. What gets you gone? I would think that you would be turned on by that. I mean, I might think it's fucking cool. Cool. But you would be turned on by that. I mean, I might think it's fucking cool. Cool, yeah. But you would be turned on by that? No, I don't see the correlation. Okay.

We're all getting pretty sausile at this point, but the wine and beer was gone, so the roommate got all gustyed up and walked to the store to get some mixer for the vodka. I used the opportunity to put some moves on her. We were really hitting it off. We got back into sitting on the couch listening to music and the roommate started getting touchy-feely. She was all over me showing me the scars on her smooth pale legs. Well, I use this as an excuse to stroke them. Fucking what? All right. I'm sorry to believe the story more. Yeah. When you get those details, that's

how you know it's real. Yeah. It's not like she was, she was sexually calling me into the bed. Yeah, it's not a mark on her smooth skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She showed me this car where she dropped a cigarette. Her legs were pretty beat up. So I started rubbing it. Yeah, exactly. By 3 a.m. we finished the vankoff too. Her face looked like she had been recently chewing on barbed wire. You're ruining, you're ruining, you're ruining. Underpants today. It is. Striek on them. I said, that's okay. You're ruined. Underpants today. It is. Striek on them. I said, that's okay.

You had to feed her strawberries with a flat palm, so she wouldn't bite your fingers. By 3 a.m., we finished off the vodka, too, and I was putting my arm around roommate, feeling up here, her ass while we sang along. The girl who invited us over was getting jealous, forced her way in between me and her roommate on the couch, but eventually, she had to go to sleep. Probably regretting telling me she was on her period. I got up to go to the bathroom and when I got out the roommate was waiting for me. We started making out.

She led me back to her room. We slapped a little tongue wrestled while we undressed each other until she whispered huskily into my ear. I want you to fuck me. I pushed her back on the bed, pulled my rocky Johnson out of my boxers and plunged eagerly into her tight soaking pleasure cave.

No condom, obviously. Her body was just as hot as I had imagined. I playfully choked her. Cool. Yeah, sounds weird. It sounds bad. It sounds bad. Normal.

Yeah. Pulled her hair and sucked on her at least, de-cup boobs. Could be any size above that user imagination. We passionately grappled for a few minutes until we were panting and sweaty. And then I realized three things. One, I had a bad case of whiskey dick and she clearly had stopped enjoying me grinding flaccently on her.

That sucks. Two, I was about to... Once again, stories definitely true. Definitely true. That's what you never see that in rom coms like the guy just Oh no, which is like 80% of sexual encounters. Romance and comedy. Yeah.

Can't get your dick up. Yeah. Two I was about to potentially become a father if I wasn't careful. Three I was I was pretty close to him. Doesn't sound like he was going to a father? Because of problem number one. Pretty close to emptying my stomach directly onto her face. I frantically, I frantically decided to rush

to the finish line, pound it away. Every liquor soaked muscle straining with effort. I pulled back and blew my load over a crotch and dinner over her bed. Oh, man. You have to get out. She slurred at me. Like a clueless, the movie extra.

I staggered to the bathroom and threw up until I could walk. The girl who texted me was waiting outside, but I ignored her and shambled back to grab my shit. Room made it thrown my clothes out of a room, so I grabbed them and yelled goodbye while I left to get dressed on the street. Because I walked for the Uber, I received a text from the first girl,

obviously meant for the roommate saying, I you loved me and another saying oops low Another relationship crushed by alcohol and bad sex such as life 21st century dirt bags yours in Christ Big brocialist well The dick show presents Well, yeah, the Dixho presents a very erotic story from a real nonsense very erotic very hot very hot times so he just blew chow all over her bed all over the back

as he was unloading at the same time right in me of something. Oh yeah? Yeah. What? College. Last time I went on an RV trip. College, I was fucking his bear.

Yeah, I was right. I got one of these calls, right? But I never got one of these calls before. So I was like, exactly like this. I earned a roommate. There, they kind of get drunk. And I said, oh yeah, I'm gonna do some good stuff. So I like, oh, I hear, you know,

get some mudslides, right? Oh yeah. Oh God. Well, those are fucking good. They are good. Yeah, that's good. So I'm like, oh yeah, these bros will be drinking these mudslides.

Big right. Lots of gals. Lots of stories. Down and a half of them. I got two drunk on the mudslides. I got drunker faster on the mudslides than they eat. And then what, you passed down the five. I think I threw up and left.

That's great. All right, let me get some questions for you, coach. Yeah, I tweeted this out. Question number one, what's the best way to tie a new son? I don't think you want to answer. No, no. No. Let's don't use 13 want to answer. No, no. No. Let's don't use 13, no 13 revolve,

Revolution. Don't even try. What's your Twitter handle? You're not giving your Twitter handle. Yeah, if you, they can find it. They can find it. It's pretty easy to find if you want to. Question number three, what kind of rope makes the best for

to... He's never said it. Wait, what? Am I, what's, what's, what's, well, what they're, I tweeted it, you want coach to answer any questions that they have. But is there like some kind of rumor that I'm doing so? No, it's because of that episode where we were.

It's a little suicide episode. I'm a people, I guess. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Well, you know, you can add it out to pauses. No, but also, no, I'm not joking. It's good. It's a solid 30 minutes to an hour of rant comedy, then bullshit, then additional bullshit. Then who knows? Then user generated content, as we call it. Then the story is about cutters. Uh, here we go. This one's from vengeance. What are your thoughts on the entire people where to horse racing events like the triple crown?

Okay, so I went to, well, I think it's, I think it's fun. I did it. I went to, yeah, I kind of got into it. I think the pageantry is pretty funny. Wow, those fascinators. What fascinators, those big hats that the ladies, yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I really want to go to Kentucky Derby just to get as dressed up as possible and act like a fucking asshole. I actually, I always liked Halloween. And then I saw cosplayers and I was like, I actually kind of did cosplay. I think it's kind of cool. Dressing up from having issues

to dress up more than Halloween. You do get very more than Halloween. You do get very excited at Halloween. Right. And I think that there's, I do like tradition also, so combine those two and I, there's a shame to say that I do think it's kind of cool. It is cool.

Is throwing away your son's nephews most annoying toy, a service for the rest of the family, or is it bad uncleing parenting by Dar-Cam 95? No, no, I'm guessing this is probably based on some of your stories, the toys you buy your nephew. Oh, you think so? I'm guessing.

No, no, man. Trying to get me to sandbag you, but the question is, if you throw away another, your nephew's to help someone else? I guess the toys, kids toys are so, here's the thing about kids toys. Well, let me answer the question.

Okay, go ahead. Unless it helps you, unless it saves your ears, then don't throw it out. That's it. Yeah, but here's, this is when I'm adding to that, because my nephews, I was always around, I'm always around, I get too little nephews four year old and the two year old.

And as they were, like the, when they start stumbling around and they start taddling around, they get these toys that make you wanna blow your goddamn brains out. They got three buttons. And it's yellow, a soul, like they just keep hitting,

keep hitting the buttons and it drives you the same song all the time, but. And they will watch the same video or DVD over and over and over at that age. They just do it again at a certain amount of time. You want to kill yourself. You totally blanket out.

It just becomes nothing. And so parents becomes absolutely nothing. But if you're like an uncle and you're not exposed to it all the time, it will drive you insane while it's driving nobody else insane. Then throw it out. No, but it's only you. It's selfish. It's very selfish.

Good, then throw it out. That's what they give it helps you. That's what I'm saying. If it's only affecting you, go ahead. Hide it, throw it out. Hide it, throw it out. What about the kid? Who?

He doesn't give a shit. He would go to the next, another toy that's just not as loud. That's true. That's why I don't get people buying these loud toys for the kids. They'll play with anything. Are you right? It doesn't need to be that loud. So what do you recommend for kids toys?

Dude, pillows. Just blocks. Blocks, they can smash blocks together and it still makes noise. I thought you were an asshole, but I think you're actually fucking right. Yeah, has. Because there was no noise making toys.

Like, it's like 1800s. Super straight, weird noise making toys are like the sugar It's like giving your kid skittles, you know, oh, yeah, let's feed the three-year-old skittles all the time Yeah, it's fun with Cheerios. Yeah, it doesn't need to be fucking insane crazy weird noise making shit Huh, you think it's stimulus overload. I don't think it's overload, but I don't think it's necessary I do feel about like it's like that compressed member, was the Metallica album, the black album, they compressed the shit out of.

Oh, it is. Which one was it? I don't remember. Death Magnetic. What's up? I forgot. But anyway, unnecessary, just like unnecessary. So it's throughout a way. Yes, throughout a way.

All right. Cool. How do you feel about giving children nooses? Yeah, exactly. Let me see if I can find a good one from Patreon. Stop making noise. Here's one from Jake, Jake Kramer. I got a question for, I got a few questions for first, if he could fuck any of the cast members from the original predator, excluding the woman. Who would it be? Actually, when you were reading that erotic story,

I was, you know, there was, what's the dude's name? It was the governor. Jesse the body of Ventura. It was Jesse the mind Ventura. It was Jesse the body and Arnold. They were actually, it's who I was thinking about when you were reading about it. So which one would it be?

It would be both of them. Oh, okay. It involved it. It's almost exactly what if one of you read, what if Arnold is on his period? Would you just do actually the body eventually? That was the old version. After he was governor, he kind of really pissed me off. So maybe not Arnold anymore.

Jesse. Maybe Jesse and he was, man, he was a disappointing governor. Yeah. Shit. Now I just lost he was a disappointing guy. Yeah, shit. Now I just lost the half-chub. Yeah. I would be Carl Weathers for me, because I want that big smile, just that nice, it's like a sunshine that smile.

Like Arnold has like snarky, snarky, smirking smile that would probably make me go limp. But Carl Weathers is a genuine smile. You're doing the encouraging, you're doing the Nash thing. What's that? You know, you don't go straight for Arnold, you choose one of the side guys. What do you mean, oh, oh, oh, Nash, the economist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Nash's theorem, yes, of course. That's what I use to describe, which muscular man on predator I would fuck. Exactly. Nash's theorem, yes, correct. Wonderful. That's how subtle of you. Adam Angel says, many people have said that you're good at convincing people to change their opinions about things.

Do you have any process in mind when you're talking to them, any tips or tricks for a more meaningful discourse with someone you disagree with? Awesome. You're trying to manipulate that. Great question. I love this question. Actually. You're trying to make a great question. Great question. I love this question. Actually, because I think about this a lot, I'd like to think about it more and give more complete answers. No, you got to do it.

No, no, no, I'm going to do one right now. But I think about this a lot and the most, the best advice I give. We don't stretch anything out on this show, coach. Yeah, it's right away. No, it's right. You have to give immediate pay off. The best thing that I've come up with so far, if I can give one piece of advice, is always give them a way out. So people don't want to change their minds.

If, if, so I had a good mark before I used pretty fucking smart, but before I in a corner, before I used to like be like surgical with my arguments and like, just cut them to shreds. Yeah. But now I'm pretty strategic in that I will leave them a big fat path for them to shreds. Yeah. But now I'm pretty strategic in that I will leave them a big fat path for them to also, um, I don't know, just make them feel okay about being wrong. Like, like, you let them keep their dignity. Exactly. Exactly.

And, uh, I need an example. Yeah, I'm trying to think, um, I don't know if I'm someone with no dignity. I need an example. Yeah. Um, like, if I wanted to just go outside and play with bare mace. Yeah. And I'm trying to convince you not to do that. Not to do that.

That's a tough one. How about the other way around? That's a tough one because it's wrong. How about you, you don't want to and I want to convince you to. Yeah. But again, I'm assuming he's talking about something that's like a deeply held belief that people have. Probably, yeah.

Like guns or, I don't know. Yeah, guns, right. Because it's basically so. So, okay, good. Guns or something that would. Right, yeah. Like guns or, I don't know. Yeah, guns, right. Because it's based on so- So, okay, good, good, good, good. Something that would, right, gun. So, I would say, well, you, you know, you want to protect your family, right? Sure. Right.

So, that, right there, is there out, right? So, in the end, if I use a bunch of other arguments then to convince them that guns are you say, well, yeah, you're right, I do want to protect my family. You know, I don't just cut down their dumb arguments. Right. You have to leave a way out. You use a carrot. No, that's different.

That's, it's a, it's a way for their brain to let them be not even wrong, just right in a different way. Right in a different way. Yeah, okay. There you go. It's a good answer. I think it's a great question. This question is from Dustin Sinyawa. Hey,

coach, was that Dustin? How does someone be less cringey? I could use your hell. Wait, there's not even anything you're reading right there. Did you just know there is? There is. Shout-off Sean. You've been asked how how someone, I don't think someone knows they're cringey, do they? I mean, I guess if you know it, just stop doing that thing. Yeah, I guess maybe they don't know that what if everyone's telling you that you're cringey though. Oh, and they're just like, they don't know how to stop it. And they're just saying

you're cringey and they're not giving you any other. Yeah. Or what if they're just like, like they make Reddit threads filled with reasons why, but you want to ignore them? Yeah, that's more likely, right? Yeah. What I, yeah, I mean, you don't know. That's so specific, right? If you should know, you probably know how you're cringey

and just stop doing that. What you should do, come back with a different question, say, this is why I'm cringey, how do I stop doing this? Ah, good advice. All right, let me get, I got one more. Let me see if you see here. Oh, Mad Cux. All right, Mad Cux, bring in your questions.

He's coming in hot. He breaks himself in, by the way. I know. Hey, can you hear me? Yeah. Hi. You want the dumb voice? You want the real voice?

We'll take the dumb voice. Oh, yeah, okay So I went on Reddit about five minutes ago and I asked with some questions Okay, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Somebody's maybe repeats Scroll down read the repeats Scroll to health and said show you 10% of the growth from my news. Yeah peeds. Scroll to Alton said show you 10% of rope from my news. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I love it different. Yeah, okay, no, you know, here you how come Kaden you Kaden says how come you can pee and poop pee and not poop but never poop and not pee? How come say that again? How come you can pee and Sorry, I'll come you time. You poop and not poop, but never poop and not pee.

Yeah, Coach, why is he not a biologist? No, no, I think I know this one. Yeah, it's because you're, Colin probably blocks, you're just guessing, though. Don't ruin your credibility by guessing. Good, good, good question. It's not only, yeah.

Good point. I'm gonna catch that. Because it's, Dick is not allowing me to answer that question. My lawyer, no. My lawyer's question. The next question. Chris DeFierce says,

what's the easiest way to stomp Dick? He's unstoppable. That is a fact. Coach is not, Coach is seeing the only man who's ever able to stomp me as my father. And I remember, and he is like, you know how wolves like kind of roll over and let the other wolf. He could also probably stomp his dad, but we'll not let him.

I remember when, I remember when this happened, maybe I'll talk about it on my dad. My dad's going to come in for five days. Cool. I'm going to try to get him in. He's very, very eager to come in and decide things. If I need anything to decide, I'm gonna get him in. What do you, you got any bits?

Dad, you got to think of a bit and he goes, yeah, I'll decide things. Like, well, that's not a, nevermind. I'm not, I'm not gonna correct you. You'd come in, come in right with that. Okay, so if the answer to that question is who will make Dick stop arguing might be his dad? No, I remember when he, I remember when he stumped me,

hardcore and you say, wow, I've never seen anyone stumped. I was just like, well, you got to tell this on it. I'll tell it in a minute. I'm interested in this story. Hey, Mad Cux. How's your book, how's your book going? It's going great. I'm working on it in between other jobs What letter are you on what other jobs do you have?

Well, you know, I've got my you know, I got a bite. I deliver a deliver Take out food via bicycle right now because money's gotten kind of tight. Oh, it's too bad Yeah, it's it's not really going anywhere because it takes about an hour and a half for me to deliver food and people can complain, it's not really going anywhere because it takes about an hour and a half for me to deliver food and people can complain that it's cold. I'm not explaining to you, I'm there in there front porch. I'm like, look, man, I'm riding my bicycle instead of cars. That way it's a bit of the environment. And they're just, they're just like, oh, no, give me shit. I just want to warm food. Yeah. Whatever, whatever, idiot. So, uh, all right, get out of here.

Get out of here. I got one more reason. One more. One more. Leon Bo says, I'm brewing my own beer. That means every two weeks, I have 48 bottles to drink and give away. Should I drink them on weekends and nothing on weekdays, or maybe I should follow his strict regimen and drink the same amount every day, or should I ramp up my drinking to

the weekend and ramp down after the weekend? Well, if you'd ruined that much, you should definitely be using the pony cags filling those things. They last longer and it's easier to deal with. You'll probably be able to bring, you'll probably be able to drink a lot more if you're drinking from a keg.

So that's what you should do. Start kegging and then drink every day. Ha ha ha ha ha. Drink every day. Yeah, so that's great life coach advice right there everybody. Yeah. All right, thank you, Mad Cux. You're welcome.

I want to know how that book is going. Post an update. How's your new show going? It's going pretty good. We did it in the episode last week, where we were finally in studio together, and it going pretty good. We did an episode last week where we were finally in studio together and it was pretty great. Oh, that's cool. What's the name of the show? Here's what I don't get. I was with Uncle Buck. Right. He took over for Joel Choco.

Yes. Cool. Right. It's cool, man. You got to be in the studio together. Fans talking to people on the phones. Yeah. No, you need that. It's hard doing it the way they release. Yeah. Yeah. The way they do that. It's hard doing it the way they. It really sucks. Yeah, the way they do. I know they have a guest and it's three people and three different locations. All right, buddy.

That's it. I think that's all for this show. I'm going to get all the questions together. Sean, I don't know how you feel about this, but we end up with so much content every week that I'm thinking every once in a while, maybe we meet on a different day and do like an additional bonus episode

just for the hell of it, just to throw it out there. We'll talk about it afterwards, but like I've been, I mean, this week I did, I did a car podcast for an hour. We did the Rocky movies for two hours. Just a lot of content. There's a lot of content and it's never, never stops. And never fucking stops. Mad Cucks, what's your suggestion over there? Don't raise your hand, just jump in. Mad Cucks. He's raising his hand. Okay, well, you said we're gonna

just ask after the show. And I thought, I thought that, you know, we can discuss it on this show too. What I think you should do to your show., you should make a once monthly bonus episode, that's free to everybody, not just patrons, and have that be fan call-ins, voicemails, erotic stories, like all those, just bits, just basically a bits episode, a bits episode. I'll think about it. It's gotta be Patreon only though.

They're paying the bills. Yeah, but there's just a bunch of other things. Even the one-dollar bills. And hopefully that would, got the free, or economic problem. I also think that you should, once in a while, to either do the live stream for free and open that up to everybody,

that would people really see what they're missing. Cause just watching the video is totally different than watching it live. Yeah. All right. You sound like you have a plan. I'll talk to you afterwards then. Okay.

Sounds good. Thanks for having me. Thanks for answering some questions, coach. Hi. Yep. Bye. Have a good one. Okay.

We're going to go do some twitching. Play a video game. It's going to be pretty fun. Sean, you can stick around if you want. I'm all up. I'm all up. I'm paired to see two oiled up men in their white underpants sliding around and going, da da da da da da da da. Promise?

Alexa, start playing the risky business theme song. Again and again and again. That's what we're doing. Coach, taking his belt. Coach, taking his pants off right now. Thanks for listening. Thanks for the three million downloads. Turn his camera on.

Thank you for the three million downloads. No one can identify him by his con. I don't know. I'll be like, I'll be like, Oh, I'm going to use that. I don't know what that is. I'm going to use that.

I stopped because of Stereo's already did that bit. Oh. Thedickshow.com, patreon.com, slashed the Dicks Show. See you next Tuesday. Is that thing? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. next Tuesday. a

should should the the the the from his college is absolutely true. I grew up in the town that Dick went to college and that guy, Richard is name is Tony, little buff Tommy. He's a bounce at a bar called a local evil Rado near a guitar center now. And he's more boot of these and like this yep like so weird Chinese patterned shirt. Yeah when he bounced but yeah everything

Dick said it's true. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, so that kind of story all the time you built that college that dick is talking about I never doubted it All week has pretty fucking cool Kind of Kung Fu not Wing Chun or maybe you did wing Chun also, but we thought it over toily what dick get it right Losing those 20 pounds that you're complaining about this place, about 20 minutes from where that sounds like an ad. That's what we hear there. Let me show you a present.

Mountainside bunker is. So let me know. I'll call in with more information. Uh, yeah. How fucking. Yeah, we still say that. How fucking crazy is that dude? That is definitely Tommy Tommy used to bounce at the bar that he's talking about where

that guitar center is. I know exactly where fucking bar is. I don't know what he said, but I know that that's where it is. And Tommy got a million stories with that fucking guy. He asked me to bounce at that bar one time, because he couldn't make it one night. I gotta tell, I fucking tired, I would take it a good. Bounce her story too when I bounced a couple times.

You gotta come back more. I will, I should come back more. Every time 80s girl, I gotta get 80s girl out of the house more. Yeah, that's right. Send her on sabbatical. Yeah. Send her on these exotic hula competition. I'm always stuck in my gut when she's there. I'm always, I'm sitting around these like exotic hula competition. I'm always, I'm always, I'm always sucking in my gut

when she's there. I'm like, that's me too. Sucking in my gut all day every day. And she's going out to play gasping now. Oh, I thought you were fatter than that. How about that? I mean, yeah, that's, he 100% knows Tommy. Yeah, totally.

Oh, yeah. Oh, he seems like Tommy. A real character. I mean, you're not gonna forget that. I, totally. Oh, yeah. Oh, he seems like Tommy. A real character. I mean, you're not going to forget that. I remember the first Steven Segal. He's Steven Segal except for Rick. Except for Rick, a little buff. Like, he looks like Bruce Lee.

He's legit. Is he legit? Oh, you didn't hear that? Dude, he, yes. Oh, okay, that's all you, yeah, all right. Yeah. He was like, he's like that guy. And he's, is he legit?

He's like the guy in Ocean's 11 that hit in a box. How legit is that? Oh Yeah, that's legit with the stereo is talking about being 400 pounds and With the stereo is making all this money doing Santa Cork and His comic books and shit like that and being on the show. I Can't help but think that iserios might be the next Arty Lane. I'm 100% thinkin' that old imagine if that guy made like a hundred grand a year. I thought exactly that's 100%

I'm coming in late to the show. Yeah, yeah. Spilling to Kila all over my house. We all know that he is a serious drug addiction. Yeah. One of his bikes got the best of them? So we think about that, a person from a party lane with stereos. He does have that, I really want a party

like I'm on vacation all the time. Yeah, it was funny is, I don't even know that much about his persona and I just saw a clip of him. Yeah, and I was like, I thought our party lane. Dude, it's crazy. Um, after a stereo. So it's here. 80s girl said she had she was like comparing it to stern. And she said like, so he's like the he's the, um, I wish I could remember who she

compared him to on stern. But it was somebody who was like extremely liberal. I said, no, he's already. Yeah. Like he's already because he's totally out of control. Like he's, he, he responds to substances. He's funny. And adrenaline. He's very funny. Yeah. Very loud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so many. It's, but it's, you know, you think of already and you think like, like the opposite of a stereo's, but they are the same guy. They're the same guy with different parents. Well, this is a huge compliment to Astaria's, by the way, but the reason that I thought of it, because I heard some of the rough edges around him, but then every time he backs it up with good comedy, and I'm like, well, you know, that's why Arty was always a part of it. And I'm like, that's why it took so much to get him off the show,

because he was so funny. So such a good guy. Yeah, he's great. Let's see here. I got one from Spicy Tony. Hey, there's Spicy Tony. I love how at the end of the episode there was that voice mail of the guy crying unironically making fun of Steven for trying to get noticed on the show. And then he calls in to get noticed on the show.

And, I'm Faggot. Good, I mean. The guy who did call and I found out later was Christian Lang, then a guy who helped out of shitload and filly. Oh, yeah. He went away from downless. Yeah. Cool, dude.

Let's see, one more. Let me get one more. Dick, I left the voicemail about a year ago saying the best of your combination it's two tall boys of docile and and big old the cady proving wrong i think that's i think that's stand and then you since the podcast

we talked about the three beers now you're doing this i'll have that i think it stands it's it's been proven as uh... uh... also all boys are not a standard beer also i, it's been proven, isn't it? And I think so. Well, also, all boys are not a standard beer. Also, I mean, it's a larger amount, right? No matter what order I put those in, the decad, I don't know.

Coddy does belong. No, not belong. One of these, it's like a Sesame Street, which one of these things is not like the other. You show kids, like, they gotta know the teacats doesn't belong. Unless the only way is if you feel like you need a come down from the

fucking goose, but that's just a bitch move. You know, oh, the two goose island. I got too silly. I need a no I got a real killer. Mexican water. I think way too much fun. Yeah, you need to if you're going to mix anything with beer, it's got to be tequila. Yes, exactly. Especially either either you're doing a grab bag like the sweet factory in the 90s where you're just grabbing any beer possible or you stick with one beer and you throw in tequila until you are throwing up. Right. All right.

See you next Tuesday.