The Dick Show - Episode 510 - Dick on the Ice Cream Song

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

A man goes camping with two fat women, Homelander is killed, new types of maxxing, the ice cream man song is racist, billionaires advice on *** wiping, the crystal people of Los Angeles, how much money Boomers saved, a case for Door Dash, and I am too fat; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

And Frank on the hand crank. If you got a hand crank from Anne Frank. Oh, you got it made that. Man. Wow. Made in the shade. Can I get a signed hand crank from Anne Frank? That's a tongue twister.

You get a hand crank for me and Frank? Very quietly. That's a hand job, right? I imagine so. I get a hand crank. I got a hand crank for man Frank. Is that funny? It is now.

Is that funny? I mean, officially no, right? We can't say that it's funny. We can't keep out of this humor. Fuck, I got to hang Ray Ray's picture here, man. I don't want to spill on it. I've been doing really good with spills, so I'm due.

I'm fucking due for a spill. That's true, though. Like, you can't be due. Like, a slot machine doesn't, you can't be due. But, like, you for a spill, that shit is true. because I start believing We gotta give slot machine's emotions That would be a cool

Slot machine right Cranking it Man And Frank the slot machine With the hand crank It's the quietest slot machine In the game Oh

Unless you know It's only in the attic Those guys were playing the radio Fucking dancing around Getting the newspaper Can you imagine The one in the A& Frank house Like wanting everyone to quiet down

How stressed out that was that would make you? Can everybody just shut the fuck off? And there's women in there, you mean? Oh, can you guys stop fucking talking? Nothing that you've ever said in your life is important. It's just garbage. It's the same fucking garbage that you say every day.

Every fucking time, man. I would get in a fight. First thing, every day I would say something shitty, so they'd get the silent treatment all day. Walk out and just be like, they're up there. If I was in Anne Frank's house, I would start every day with a fight. And then, so in my, in my memorial, you know,

my biography afterwards, I would say, like, I had to suffer and start every day by telling my wife she's fat, so she wouldn't talk all day. Like, and where's your wife today? I said, well, at the end of the war, I went outside and I said, hey, so there's some Nazis hiding up there. This fat lady and her sister hiding out of the attic, they're going to say they're not Nazis, and that's my wife, but they are Nazis. Let me level with you. Yeah. You can't trust their lies, man. They had a nudge job.

That's why they look like that. Don't believe them. Don't trust their lies. Dude, you know, speaking of living in such a radically different world these days. As Anne Frank's house? Yeah. You know what I completely forgot was a thing? What?

Remember in Ace Ventura when fucking Jim Carrey starts talking with his ass? Yeah. Dude, fucking, you could not. You couldn't do that. You can make that movie today. Well, because it's already made, of course. But it's just like, who the fuck is like, you know what, dude? Let me just show, put my ass cheeks right by your fucking face.

fan about you. That's fucking crazy, man. Wait, was this not working? Was this not on the whole time? God damn it! Is this not on? I don't tell me I'm going to have to upload this shit again. I hate uploading after the fact. I fucking hate it. Incoming.

I got to click the button. God damn you rumble! God damn you rumble! I'm going to go look at the home page of Rumble again and see that Midwest, that Midwest bitch. You know, you just look at her. You're like, ah, you're from the Midwest. Okay, whatever.

It's fucking annoying. It's fucking annoying. It's condescending. Like the way Spike TV used to talk to you, to me. Yeah. You like boners? How about a gun that shoots boners? No, I don't want a gun that shoots boners.

A gun that shoots a boner at your boner. Or you're standing on a tank. Great show this week. It might have been a little short. Oh, did it fuck up? Did this fuck up? Oh, no, it's still going. Fuck you, some of these nuts.

Why don't you suck my dick and eat the shit out of my ass? you homo lander piece of shit somebody's nuts fuck you what was that all about Elon Musk calls Homelander homo lander get it

no is gay because he's gay because it's gay because Homelander threw him into space I guess I don't know I don't watch that stupid show

yeah I would never watch a show called The Boys Yeah it's gay show me no boys just show me yeah why you want watching boys. Get out of here.

And they're the specific It's a takedown. I don't want to see any more satirical takedowns. I'm sick of it. I want to see some takeups. I want to see just like Bring back bum fights and shit, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, some of these nuts. Eat my shit out of my ass.

And suck my dick. That's how powerful men go out, Johnny. If you didn't know that. Oh. All powerful men. They get faced with demise. their deaths and they want to suck your dick eat the shit out of your ass

in a gay way because they think that's what these fucking guys man just out to lunch you know I was I was thinking about it since you brought up Homelander the boys people are calling it the Soys that's funny or the goys

I don't know which one's us yeah which one you like we're gonna start goy maxing I've been doing that man man I'm gonna stand out front grilling with an American flag talking about what book I'm reading. That's fucking goymaxing 101. Yeah, I'm reading this fucking book,

dude. Western bacon cheeseburger on hand. Oh, talking about what makes a sandwich. Is a hot dog a sandwich? I'm going to stand in the front yard. Fucking goymaxing. Texting about stock tips. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Telling people it's the, you know,

it's quoting no fear shirts. I'm going to wear two no fear shirts the same time. Do you remember those and one shirts? No. It's like the basketball brand And it would be like Say your prayers because like I'm sad You can't you fucking be God today And it's just like a weird faceless kind of like caricature guy

But it'd be like these like Was that the Peter Griffin with a grill on? I know those Those are great too I'm an iced out psychopath Dude airbrushed Tweety shirts Airbrush Peter Griffin shirts Like all those like hood shirts are some of my favorites Yeah the iced out Peter Griffin

I had a whole stack of those at one point Which one? Tweety or Peter Griffin? Tweetie Peter Griffin. Dude, I was just collecting. You know any Sylvester ones? Were you bad enough to wear a Sylvester shirt? I had a Sylvester one.

I had a Sylvester and Tweety. I had a Marvin the Martian one. Marvin the Martian was dope. And he was all dressed in like L.A. Dodgers shit. He's going to kill everyone. Yeah. He's going to kill everyone. I had Gossamer with a little bandana on.

Who the fuck is Gossamer? The big red guy with the two eyes? Or the orange. That guy has a name? Yeah. His name's Gossamer? Gossmer's type, man. What kind of gay ass?

Name is that guy's got a name? Yeah, he's got a name. The hair man? The hair man. Yeah. The orange hair man? Orange hair man. His name's Gossamer. Yeah. Why the fuck do you know all these weird names like Gossamer and the Michelin Man man? Man, I don't know actually. Man. I fucking don't. I know too many things that I don't know. Here, I got some unknown knowledge for you. Somebody told me somebody told me this week that the ice cream man song is racist. And I said, what are you talking about? And they said, what are you talking about? And they said, go look up the Ice Cream Man song lyrics. Holy shit! That is the most, it's a very racist... I'll sing the parts I can.

It goes, I love a watermelon, ha, ha, ha, ha, and I can't stop singing it now. I love of watermelon. Ha, ha, ha. It's got a whole verse, like Uncle Ruckus style about watermelons. Huh.

Wow. The Ice Cream Man should put that version on the ice cream truck, especially down the hill in the barrio. They're fine with that. sort of messaging. Yeah. Mexicans would do minstrel shows if anybody could tell

that they were in blackface. But they can't. That's what makes it so funny when white people are doing it. Well, the thing is they can't not do mariachi versions of things. Because they say, are you doing, are you, excuse me,

Zinor, Hefe? Are you doing blackface? Or are you someone's aunt? Because I noticed that you're fat with a bunch of makeup all over your face. I can't. Someone's black aunt. Papi!

I got it. Thank you, ma'am. I got it. Please excuse me, ma'am. I thought you were my fat friend doing blackface, but you're actually just his aunt, his Tia. You're actually just like a refreshed ancient Mayans standing in front of me. Ha ha ha ha ha.

That's a really. I said, what the hell? How did I not know this? How did I not know this? How did you not know it indeed? All right, let's start the show. I don't know what we're going to talk about. Talk about Hummelander.

Shud the Builder. We got to talk about Shud the Builder. Yeah. Welcome to Dick. You want a gig, you love Dickie. You got it. It's the show where it's a contest

coming to your live from Mount Munker Deep and the Heart of City failure and me host Nick Hutchinson. A.k.a. the $20 million man. Joining me is Johnny the audio engineer. What's going on? What's up, buddy?

What's up, buddy? My house is finally back together. There's no holes in anywhere that I don't want holes in. I thought it was that a famed children's book, holes for a minute. That's about my house. Yeah. Some motherfuckers coming in throwing their elbows around.

Holes too. Story of the shit under my house. Shit holes, yeah. Oh man, it's all coming together. It's all coming together for me. Can you believe that? The ice cream song is racist? It's been right in front of our faces this whole time. They went to milk being racist and then, but they

forgot about the ice cream song. Right. We could have been blaring that thing, man. milk product. We're going to have to be blaring it to get Chud the builder out of prison, I think. I'm going to drive around in the Blues Mobile, blaring the old ice cream man song out the window. It's time to take a stand. It's really time to take a stand on this N-word shit. White people have been using the N-word against our people for too long.

Back people, yeah, sure, they got, I don't know, they went along with it too, but other white people have been using it against us. You see what they're doing to this kid? he's just mining his own business going around winding black people up well not exactly mining your own business but he's just mining his own business

harassing black people in Target or wherever they're wherever they're shoplifting unfucking real it's unreal I thought this was a I actually didn't think this was America but if I did this would be a major wake-up call

and they wouldn't let him he did a go-fund me and obviously all the everyone tried bailout. Because everyone loves inward. No two ways about it.

I mean... Everyone loves that content. White people love it. Black people love it. Black people love people seeing people get in fights. Black people walk around going, I wish somebody would see

to me, right? They want to be on a Chudde-Builder. I go around wishing cartonarks would catch me. Being bad. I could fucking whip his ass. You know, beat his ass on camera. Knock this bitch.

Boom. Throw my shoulder out. one punch you call me one punch man I'll fucking tear my pectoral's punching like loose fucked up afterward

I gotta get back I gotta start working out again man I gotta go to Pilates again I'm too fucking fat I'm too fucking fat to be this stupid so I gotta start I gotta start working out again

I gotta lose 10 pounds in a week and a half cool is that doable probably I can't show up to the chud the builder protest looking like this looking like a big fat chungus

big chungus the builder yeah we talked to chud the builder's fat lesb fat aunt fat Mexican aunt and here's what she had to say and then it's me talking about how important

you know free speech is blah blah blah blah blah blah well you know all those all those arguments you know how Remember how passionate everyone was about that shit like 10 years ago? Yeah. Doesn't fucking matter at all.

I fire up the news today. I see some bunch of Indians just destroying a national park for fun. Yeah. I think who gives a shit anymore? It's depressing, man. It's depressing. We got to go, but this is the last stand. Chad, the builder can't go to jail for this.

We got to bust them out of there. We got to all realize we should be uniting against Indians. We got to. realize it's us against the world the world is Indian and the world is the third that's us against the third world man got to get rid of these

we got to get chud the builder out first he needs to like sign a contract to just build the wall yeah you're of such a builder busted you out to build the wall the judge said he can't use any of his go-fund me to get bailed out

because some of it might be illegal money or something. Isn't that crazy? Damn. For the crime of mining zone business. Mining zone business, harassing, just going around asking questions. You know, some people don't

like the answer to. Just asking people if they're going to, I don't know what he's chimp out or I don't know what that means, but that's what he was doing. Nothing. I thought how this was America. Yeah, he's just asking questions, man. Just asking questions. Are you vaccinated?

You're going to chimp out? What's the deal? What's the deal, buddy? Sometimes, man. It's like let Donna graduate. We got to do Let Donna graduate for Chud the Builder. Remember that episode of Beverly Hills 90210? Very vaguely.

Very vaguely? You would have been like two years old or something. I saw reruns of that shit. But, man, I just, that one never stuck with me. Uh, because you're not a teenage girl in 1993, probably. that would have probably everything to do with it yeah baywatch is still good though is it yeah i haven't seen that

it's still good yeah they got some on my busted ass television they got some streaming channel that's just like baywatch all day cool that i'll get stuck on because i put it on the channel and then when the devices fail it just like defaults to that so i end up getting sucked in time machine fucking tv over here uh i'll tell you what makes me rage uh should be closed on mondays this is this new? Every restaurant, like every Monday is like a ghost town now.

Yeah. You try to go out. What's going on? It's because everyone was like, well, we get so busy during the weekend, then instead of taking the weekend off, why don't we just take Monday off? Is it like the Mexican Sabbath? What the fuck's going on on Monday that no restaurants are open anymore? It's like 50-50.

And then because all the restaurant workers are off, then you got to deal with all the extra fucking people in town. Doing God knows what. We get one restaurant a week. Load up the baby, maybe invite a friend. Fucking close. Don't, don't I look stupid. Gotta go somewhere else.

Well, I don't know. It used to be like restaurants open all the time. Just you have to got to eat, go to a restaurant. Dude, remember what? They got fucked up schedules. It's like the post office. Yeah. Remember when she was just open always?

Yeah. You're just fucking go anywhere and shit was popping. Yeah. It was like 10 p.m. You gotta make a reservation. Yeah. Here's what the La D.A. said in the Chud the Builder case. While advocating for a gag order on DLton,

D.A. Robert Nash reported at least told the judge that Dalton's abuse of his First Amendment privileges is what got us into this mess in the first place. We should never have stopped saying it. We should never have stopped saying the word. I say it all the time. Not being recorded, obviously. That'd be suicide.

That would be stupid. I'm doing this thing where I do stuff and not in a stupid way. I actually only say it on tape and nowhere else. We've got to take it back, man. That's our word. It's been used against our people for 60 years to keep us down. We got to take it. back. It's ours. It's our word. We refer to anything. People standing around.

Refer to our children with that word. Stubborn bottles, cupboards, stuff. Anything can be used. We've got to take it back. Chud the Builder has been ordered not to use, yeah, for $1.25 million. Jeez. Jackpot. Every American has a right to do process Every American has a right to say whatever they want But I guess we got to You use it, you lose it

We got to start saying it You know We gotta start saying it True Oh well Just closed on Mondays Yeah Have you noticed that

Mexicans are always Kind of sizing stuff up To see how it would do in a Fight Dog fight or Prize fight Oh yeah We went to this

We went to the restaurant we wanted to go to was closed. So we had to go to another crappier restaurant. This fucking bus boy kept coming over because we eat at like 4.30 now, like old people. So everything's always close. Five o'clock. He kept coming over to refill the water, you know. And every time he takes a look at my son,

he's like, oh, yeah, he's strong. He's strong, touching him on the head and stuff. I'm like, what are you? The first time I was like, okay, that's a weird compliment, but whatever. you're probably an idiot fine you know maybe you didn't learn English correctly and get out of my face

ah vamo uh vamos let's get out of here yeah and then he comes back he's like yeah you're strong you're strong just touching his head I'm like are you fucking sizing

sizing in my son up for some kind of a baby dog fight let's keep your hands off of him well it's like it's like when your co-workers have a And whenever they get a chance to, like, use the forklift or anything, you can, with a steering wheel and, like, a gas pedal. Yeah.

They're, like, the first ones are like, oh, I'll do it. It's like. Oh, they need to, they got the need to drive something. They need to, like, well, I got to fight some. I got to bet on some. Yeah, I got to bet on some kind of fight. Yeah, exactly. Always fucking some.

Always fucking prize fighting with these motherfuckers. They do. Whenever I, there's a, whenever some dirt bag brings her dog up to the dog park, there's like, Oh, he has a nice dog. Have you, did you breed her? You're gonna breed her? I'm like, what the foe are you up? What am I a farmer?

What do I look like to you? What kind of conversation is this? Yeah, it's like... Talk about my dog's vagina? Yeah. Get out of here, no. I just like this dog. You want to have sex with my dog?

Are you propositioning my dog? What the fuck out of here? Yeah, why do you want to watch dogs fuck, retard? Yeah. Who are you gay? Yeah, and who are you gay? Man. He's going to be strong.

Okay. You've looked enough. Go back to the kitchen and look through the window. Well, because he was thinking like, wow, he'll either make a good help around the house later or like, man, it'll be a soccer legend in the future. Oh, God. That's what we got to deal with. All the immigrants are one generation behind. So they're all into the, our kids are going to be athletes.

And we're on the, our kids are going to be streamers, you know, generation. So we got to deal. with their shit again man that's why I think like um like if anything for the case of the Michael Jackson movie uh-huh proof that very involved parenting works works just makes you a pedophile the work is like a monkey paw yeah you can kick the shit out of them you'll i mean you'll get it it it will be good but you want to be an athlete don't you like no like well you're gonna be one. How come they can't produce one? How come they can't produce one woman that says, yeah, I fucked Michael Jackson. Well, okay. Like, what's the deal? Well, hang on. Because that's the,

that's what everybody is so confused about. Okay, so you're a pedophile? All right, so where's all the chicks you fuck then? I can't believe we're going down this rabbit hole, but he allegedly and supposedly fucked Mickey Howard. Who? She was a singer, backup dancer or something? But she, um, there's this B. Howard, who looks exactly and sings exactly like fucking Michael Jackson, dude. And he's big in Asia and Europe and shit, and everyone's like, he's Michael Jackson's like, awesome. It's this whole fucking

conspired, dude. There's all the shit behind. How are they all keeping quiet, though? I don't fucking know. And how, even if they're not keeping quiet, how are people not faking it? Right. I mean, that's what women lie all the time. Right, that's... Where are they going, yeah, I fucked Michael? Is he, like, they all don't want to be known as

being a guy that, being the lady that fucked Michael Jackson? Doesn't make sense. It's a fucking conspiracy. Dude, it's so crazy. The conspiracy is why aren't women coming forward and saying, I fucked Michael Jackson? Well, that's this whole thing with Mickey Howard and her son B. Howard, dude. It's this whole fucking, like...

What's the point of being that famous if that's not happening? Dude, I truly don't know. I don't know either. It's always bothered me. Like, okay, I don't know about this pedophile shit, but where's the... where the women at? Even the liars. Yeah. Where all the white?

women at man where all the white women at you know I had this stripper pole in the studio here right right for a long time that was a gift to me from the Odyssey Odyssey games

whatever that retarded spectacle was where we had to put together a stripper pole and then hanging upside down on it to win the round which I won I finally took it down when they're putting up all the air

and I put it on offer up it's like a kid's shit for free right and nobody wanted it and I was like okay I'm just gonna throw it away but then like 11 p.m. rolled around I started getting

bing bing bing hey I want that hey I want that hey I want that stripper ball Bing bing bing oh you hos can't even get a can't even buy your own stripper pole you gotta go on classified ads

to get a stripper pole fucking hose man fucking hose man um the enhanced games is on Steroid Olympics Oh shit

Which I My dad better be watching the whole thing That's the only thing boomers have ever talked about Ever Is the fucking steroid Olympics It would be fucking kind of cool man I want to see someone hit a fucking baseball To the next state

Let me pull up the Let me pull up the Like he should be able to get a baseball From one stadium to a different stadium entirely Yeah That's the kind of shit I want to see that. Uh-oh.

The enhanced games. This is one of the athletes they have with the enhanced games. God damn. Looks like a body built. This is a swimmer on the left. This is the Olympics. Gay. He's got an Olympic tattoo on his ribs,

like where a woman would have a Bible passage tattooed on her. Obviously, you know. Obviously learned how to swim at the gay bathhouse on the left, this Olympian. Right. Quote unquote Olympian putting his little swimwear down on his hips in a provocative way

You know And then you've got Enhanced games on here on the right Guy would know Guy who's head and neck looks like your big toe He's the fucking juggernaut He's the fucking juggernaut God

24 inch neck Who get across the whole pool and three strokes Dude that's fucking crazy Bursting out of his suit He's wearing any legal swim suit. I also found they're doing it the enhanced games. He's got an illegal swimming wear suit

that increases speed. Fucking so crazy. It better be good. It better not be a bunch of muscle dummies getting gassed out after like 15 feet. Well, it's nice to see it come to this finally because, dude, have you seen skateboarding recently?

No. What's in skate? They got steroids in skateboarding? No. Much worse. Is that there's all these fucking up-in-comers now that are doing like Tony Hawk level fucking tricks and combos and shit and it's like dude I couldn't even think to do that at my fucking absolute best oh because they're

all like so good now so fucking good it's like you couldn't hope to ever have a chance at like this so it's like at least fucking at least it's bleeding in down yeah we topped out the Olympics topped out right everyone hates them now it's like what's the point

other than just like gentrifying the local area and then having it fall back into ruin immediately Okay, maybe I'll get on board with the boomers then Well, because you know how they've been trying to make van nyes better? Yeah. The Olympics and shit? Uh-huh.

I didn't realize it, but driving through there recently, they rezoned it to Sherman Oaks now, dude. I'm like, that's no longer Van Nuys? I'm like, that's not fucking Sherman Oaks, dude. This is fucking Van Nuys. Like, everything is like, it's Little Mexico over here. That's not Sherman Oaks. Sherman Oaks, you have to pay a lot of money to be. Yeah, Little Israel.

Yeah. Uh-huh. This is not Sherman Oaks. that's good to know here's their their spokesman is that guy that's going to live forever that weirdo

Brian Johnson He's going to die like in the year I hope he gets like Hit by a bus at the Enhanced Games that would be great FDA approved medications Man they should get all the announcers on something too

Like cocaine and Just mushrooms Get auctioneers on acid speaking in tongues and shit. Yeah, come on. I don't want to see like a controlled version of this. I want real...

Okay, well, now I want to see an... Real degenerate chaos. Drunk fucking F1 or like drunk NASCAR, dude. I want to see fucking like... All right, we got drift racing and you have a fucking 40 in your hand too. Driving with one hand. Yeah.

Yeah. The NASCAR... take a one one beer a lap let's see the oh and it's a 24 hour endurance race too nobody thinks

how can we never get like drunk driving competitions never if we're gonna do enhance games all of America drunk drives it's a huge market untapped market that's why I want to see

if we're two enhanced games we need to fucking let's really enhance the driving yeah get everybody fucked up I want to see like fucking all right

Here's a blunt. You got to do 20 laps with that. You got a 20 pack on these 20 laps. Like, just something. Okay, here's the... This is the Kevin O'Leary thing. Maybe I didn't have it. Let me see if I could find it again.

I was thinking about this because it was annoying. It made me think of Homelander. Kevin O'Leary. Wait, I want to see enhanced e-sports, too. I want to see like a bunch of You know it's funny about e-sports All of it? Yeah, but like

So I watch, I love speed running I love it I love it I mean I let's all I would If I had my dredders I would just be watching Mario speed running all day Like it would be on in the background

But I haven't watched it in like two years Because I don't want to I don't want to give my son autism The best The hardest sacrifice is honestly It's not giving up the drugs and most of a lot of the liquor it's not watching TV

for two years or whenever like TV's just it's totally it's obvious that it fucks up your brain it's fucking so bad for you so we decided like all right we're not gonna have it on in the background

like they're people adults can't even tune it out like if you have a TV if you are at a bar with a television on oh you might as well just leave because nobody can pull their nobody can pull their attention away from it to have a good time.

Dude, I was at the fucking grocery store the other day, and you know how they have the TV stands at the checkout stand? Oh, yeah. This asshole was staring at that, and it was like, hey, fucking go put your shit on the thing already. Yeah. And it's just staring there like, huh, wow, can you believe this is on sale?

You can't go anywhere. You can't go anywhere without everybody being sucked in to television somehow. Dude, if it's sports game over, dude. If sports is on TV? I don't know why that is. because I don't even know what's going on when the sports are on, but I still get the drift.

Whoa, what? Dude, it just blows me away. Yeah, here it is. Okay. Here's the Kevin O'Leary thing. It might not be like I remember it, but here it is. It's quite remarkable. She had kept 15% of...

Talking about his mom, I think. There's like this class of rich guys that are just famous now. Yeah. And they give us. the just the dumbest advice about everything and that's what they're famous for

like I assume however rich he is he made it by doing some kind of scam like running a you know illegally defrauding investors somehow I don't know who this guy is but he's on TV that's a Star Trek guy right is a working this guy yeah it's Picard

okay it's John Luke Picard that's what I thought it's the character John Luke Picard oh right it's became real woman working for dad in a company called Kitty's Talk from when she was in her 20s. She worked in the accounting side of the business, and she kept 15% and invested it in two asset classes

from when she was like 24. Teleco bonds. Talking about some fucking boomer, talking about their fucking mom investing. Like this is valuable or interesting information, right? Like we can take anything from this. And she never touched the interest or the dividends. Oh, that's amazing, bro.

She died a very wealthy independent woman because she was, married twins. Unbeknownst to you. Oh yeah. This is the one where he's talking about. Damn it, that's not the right one. It's wondering he's talking about how you should always buy quality things. Like his mom was only buying. Yeah, here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Sorry. It flows into why I buy these watches. Don't buy crap. She used to. My mother Georgette taught me, and this really probably flows into why I buy these watches.

Don't buy crap. She used to only buy one Chanel jacket a year, but a really good one. She loves Chanel. And when she died, there was a cat fight for her clothing amongst the women in my family. Because they were now vintage Chanel's that were worth way more than what she paid for them. So she really- Look at this bitch smiling, nodding along with it. It's full of crap you don't need. You bought crap that you just don't wear.

You wore it once and it's just crap. Don't buy the crap. Buy the good stuff. And just buy less of it. Every boomer, if I had one way, she was like, man, can I just, I just want to hold everyone underwater until they're dead. Yeah. Until they stop, do they choke and die? It's that kind of shit that just like.

It's like the financial equivalent of like, you got to wipe your ass. You know, my mother, when I was growing up, every time she took a shit, she would wipe her ass. Sometimes she would get a little bit on her vagina. But if you wipe the right way, you can stay clear of that. And she would. It's the advice equivalent of that. And the people around, the people around these guys, like billionaires, all think they're going to be famous now because of Trump and they're going to be like

popular and like a big shot. So they all come out and they all trot out some retarded advice to a bunch of lackeys and yes men. Yeah. And people like this. And it's the, it's specifically what annoyed me about it and what also annoyed me about Homelander is it's specifically a reaction to all of it. A reaction to the proximity to power. and wealth that makes that gives people this compulsion to like nod and go like oh man that's so smart and you said wipe your ass and if you and on the vagina too you got to wipe you got to keep poop off the vagina too wow that's that's so interesting and then you'll have you have a whole like sphere of all of want to be want to be proxies to influence and power that boosted and regurgitate what is what is ostensibly advice from from someone with absolutely no advice to give Well is totally dry. You're scraping turnip water off the side of the barrel. You got nothing to fucking say.

You have no idea what anybody's lived experiences. You don't even have a lived experience. It's just a regurgitation of an anecdote that may or may not have happened, that you might have stolen from someone else that is being passed off as advice, right? Like financial advice. Because everybody's so, everybody is so completely and totally fucked because of what people like you did. So this is what you're bringing to us. This guy, Bezos, the whole tier of,

plutocrats and billionaires who would be, we'd all be better off if they're all executed. They're all trotting out these, these maxims like their, like their, like their, like their little anecdote from when they were growing up from a time that has, that was, that has been raped and destroyed by them for profit will somehow apply to anybody in the present day. And everybody around them just gives them the reaction of, what, that's so interesting. And your mom would, and you'd wipe your ass too. After, after you poop her before. Oh, that's so interesting.

You wipe your ass after you shit. And I look at what annoys me about it isn't even the people who do it. Because as you say, I got it. You're an interviewer. You're just trying to move this along. I get it. You guys want money and power. So you like nod your head like retards and just try to, you know, a piece.

You try to become part of the cargo call, right? You're trying to become part of the cargo call. Like, yeah, if I just, if I repeat retarded maxims, if I don't, that guy didn't create any, wealth, that guy didn't create any value. Create a lot of wealth, but no value. If I do that, then I too will create a lot of wealth. I never look at creating value. But what annoys me most,

coming back to Homelander, is that the people saying it don't understand that they're just getting worshipped for the proximity to wealth and power. As a conduit to and a, as a conduit to and a, as a stand-in for their influence with money and power. And what made Homeland is so great, what made him such a great character

was that he it was it was what if what if there was a guy who did recognize it and hated it you're worshipping me because of you're worshipping me because of the money power and I fucking hate it right

it makes me seethe with it makes me seethe with hatred self it makes me seethe with self-loathing hatred that that's what you're that's what you're responding to yeah and not who I am or what I'm saying

but just because of the wealth, influence, and power, right? Which is a major, as we accelerate away from a resource extraction, like a world where we're quabbling over, you know, I want this oil. No, I want this fucking oil, right? No, I want this farm. You don't want this farm as that's gradually taken away from us. Oh, we have. The only natural resource we have is proximity to wealth and influence and power, right?

So it was an interesting character It was an interesting character Who could be in that position and say I know what's happening here on some level And I hate it, it makes me fucking despise you Right? That's what That's what everyone responded to Oh, I love that. Finally.

Finally someone isn't engaging in this In a way that I can't get enough of this worship This is who I am, right? I know the difference. It's not me That they're worshipping. Finally, we could see that, right? This is interesting. This is interesting.

It's just a stupid show, but like, oh, that's interesting. Finally, someone's doing that, right? And then they end it with just like a guy who wants to be alive and who suck your dick and eat shit. Oh, man. You, yeah, God. You just ruin everything. You people just, you ruin everything. You don't even get why we liked it.

You don't even really get it. The same shit happens in, like, music all the time, too. People read, like, a Rick Rubin book. And they're like, well, He said you just got to use your good judgment. He said you wipe your ass. Yeah. He wiped his ass every day.

He said he just listens to the music and lets it tell you. And it's like, oh, fuck. Oh. Oh. Oh. Like, and then they're like, yeah, you know, I'm just, I'm really going to dive in. And it's like, shut the fuck up. It's that specifically.

Yeah. That worked exactly for him. And he's giving you a watered down version of shit that's like. Yeah, you don't know what works. It's just plastic. Say it. Yeah. He got in at the right time, made a record label, made a shit ton of money, made the same song five times, and fucked a lot of people out of their contracts.

It gets worried. Every time I see one of these fucking interviews, I'm like, you know, everything you're saying is dumb. Can you, do you know that everything you're saying is stupid? You know, you have to know that on some level, right? They don't. No, they don't. They really don't. They really just fucking sit there and go, well, yeah, because they have to believe it themselves in order to. to regurgitate it so fucking like earnestly yeah well yeah i you know i just i just sat there under an apple tree and once it fell in my head i realized that oh gravity exists yeah wow and there i was pooping and i thought you know what mom was right i am gonna wipe my own ass you know maybe i shouldn't directly put it into my hands and shove it down my gullet maybe i should stop eating

this shit uh i don't something about it something about it seemed really relevant because everybody is upset about the Humlander thing and it is upsetting it is upsetting in a way I try to think of why every time I think that's why see some shit like this happen I feel justified for not watching TV really oh you can't you watch it for one season and then just know where it's going yeah like as soon as you watch one see you watch you watch you watch the beginning of anything and then the opportunist and the women and the the the the uh philators They're right. The philators come in

and the co-opters come in. You know? All the people who come in who want to dump their trauma into everything and then dump it on everyone else. First season, great. No, don't renew anything.

One and done. Okay, wait, what is I? The Bolt CEO fired their HR department. Hmm. He said, we got rid of our HR team. We had an HR team,

and that HR team was creating problems that didn't exist, and those problems disappeared when I let them go. And nobody ever thought to do that, I guess. When did HR, HR just started, like, that was an invention in our lifetime. Yeah.

Like, it started as, well, somebody's got to run payroll and, like, fill out compliance forms and stuff. So. Yeah. And then it became staffs of people who would take everyone, who would separate everyone by race and hold seminars on how to file lawsuits for toxic workplace racism. And then it became an anti-white task force inside of every organization, an anti-white male task force, but definitely anti-white.

Let's hold three-hour seminars about who doesn't like their hair touch here? Raise your hand. Does anyone in the office ever looked at your hair in a funny way? Like they want to touch it. Does anything like that ever happen to you? Welcome to HR. It became HR and then it became DEI out of that, didn't it? Yeah.

Because who else has a time to track, oh, how many non-white people are we hiring? Nobody would give a fuck about that. They would say, well, you know, we're going to do our, they would put in an ad. We're going to do our best. Hey, we're the safest. We hate white people. But nobody's going to make that their job, except for HR, did. Yeah, it's kind of weird because

You know, the name Human Resource You know, it's originally It was for something at least Like an intermediary kind of thing And now it's become like if you see them in the building Run They're trying to fuck you somehow

Yeah, they're trying to fuck you over And they sit around coming up with ways To justify their jobs. Yeah No one's being racist at work. Fuck, we got to we gotta find Somebody's being racist Somebody's being raped

Quit Grit the Ice Cream Man song I guess it's kind of, like, I hope that's the lesson we take away from these decades is that if you make a group whose job it is to solve a problem, they're going to create a bunch of that problem. Like, there's not going to be, if you make it, if you make a, if you put the fire department, like if you put the fire inspector in charge, if you pay them to put out fires, they're going to make a lot of fires. This is good, man. You know, like this is the budget. What happens if we put out a bunch of fires? You don't get, you don't get more budget. Just so we're

clear, if you sit around on your ass and do nothing, you get paid the same as if you fight fires every day. So don't get any crazy ideas about making a bunch of fucking fires, okay? Because I know you guys, I know that's why you got into this job, is because you love fire. And the closest you can get to fire is fighting it. So it seems like you don't need this warning because you're out there fighting fires all day, but I know the truth. You got into this job because you love fire. You fucking love racism. That's why you got into this job. You see it everywhere. Ooh, I'm going to stamp out racism so I can be

close to it. You know? I got it. Why'd you get into the horror fixing game? Well, I love whores, as it turns out. And the closest you should get to him is fixing them. Dude, that's the game. I know it. Firemen know it. Dude, it's like a... Fucking HR knows it too. Piss testers, man. They're just

doing it. They're just doing it. Fucking love piss, dude. It's fucking sickos, man. getting into job. I love piss. Love it. A guy that hanged all those Nazis. Why did you get the job? Love hanging Nazis. That's it.

Just really wanted to do it. No experience. Yeah. Just loved it. Answered that call, you know? Yeah, to answer the call. Call a wild. Somebody's got to hang these Nazis. Might as well be me.

And the peak of it was that, like, remember that circular, that video of all the women talking about what they're wearing? Oh, like no, no tits in a scarf. No, I got no tits in a scarf, whatever it was. I do remember that. Stinking vagina in a, in a briefcase, she said. In a briefcase?

It was in her briefcase. You remember that? No, I do remember that, yeah. It was their, like, chungis, like, see how fun HR is? And it's like, no, you guys are fucking evil. Yeah, you're evil. What you're doing is, like, basically parading, you know, Achilles around the, or Hector, Which one did they parade around the city?

One of them. Well, Hector's been stealing all those Honda engines, but... They found the guy stealing all the catalytic converters and then they fucking drag him around L.A. His name was Hector. It's like the Salem Witch Trials, dude. It's like... Boy, the song.

Every witch they hang, they come out and sing a song about it. But it's just like, hey, this guy's actually a bad guy. Like, what's your proof? Like, oh, we just decided it. We took a survey. Yeah. We took a survey. As vibes were off.

Ten people. You know, we had some meetings. We had some meetings about it. We're having meetings too. You guys have meetings and they're important, right? You're necessarily not saying meetings are not important because you do them. Get fucking rid of them. Get rid of them all.

That would be great. If the lesson we learned is, oh, the HR departments are racist parasites on America and they all got to go. They're all evil, actually. And everybody who works for them is demented. is a deranged racist is a deranged racial supremacist non-white racial supremacist yeah that'll be good

that's a start fire HR higher HR puff and stuff uh here's a pretty cool I voted for Spencer Pratt I got my vote in you're not in L.A. Are you? I think technically yeah are you well technically is what matters you get to vote exactly when it goes to voting yeah yeah

um I'm very very Very few people I know are actually live in LA, I found out. Yeah. Because I've been pretty aggressive. Good. You got to vote for Pratt. You have to, man.

Sackalabasura. Get around. Get that Indian bitch out, too. Get Pratt in there. Man. Spencer Pratt. And I told my friend, you got to vote for Spencer Pratt's going to fix everything.

He said, that's what you said about Trump. I said, ah, shit. Fuck. You're right. I did say that about Trump. Oh, fuck. Well, hopefully he comes through and fixing some shit.

I said you're sounding awfully anti-Semitic right now. I didn't expect this from you. Here's an ad that he did today. Let me find it. LA Problems. Oh yeah, I got some good stuff here. Boomer's melting down.

Where's the Pratt one? Remember Brian Holleyhand, that guy? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Oops, that's the wrong link, I guess. well do do do do look it says Brian Hollingham but link somewhere else isn't that funny here we go this is Spencer Pratt's ad downtown so he took the he took a pressure washer oh yeah dude I didn't know you could do this oh yeah take a stencil and put it down on the ground and then take a pressure washer

and wash away the uncovered parts so it's like a it's like a permanent It's a permanent mark. Yeah. Because nobody's going to come pressure wash the rest of it away. That says, imagine if the streets were this clean, Spencer Pratt, for mayor. And there's a hummingbird. And then there's like a bunch of... Here we go.

Let's get the pan up. Let's see what's on the street. It's not even that bad. It's disgusting, but... Isn't that funny? you know a bunch of vagrants and garbage look at all this shit right bum there's a bum doing fentanyl so his I didn't even know he had a real plan but his plan is to abduct all the homeless

and forcibly and imprison them in you know whatever health center uh and force them to take a vivitrol which is a 30 day narkant so they can't get high for 30 days oh shit and I saw that and said oh my god that's the best idea I've ever I didn't even know we could do that. Fucking funny. How funny is that? Wow. Cops going around and forcibly injecting the homeless with you can't get high drugs.

Yeah. You know how funny? The homeless would run. They would run like a fucking bomb went off. Ah! The fucking Vivitral people are here! That's fucking awesome. Isn't that funny?

Well, because, like, when you get these assholes all, high, they don't give a fuck. They don't give them. Yeah. No, it gives a fuck when they're high. I don't get to fuck them. Shit. Yeah.

It's in the middle of the fucking road. And they give them Narcan. Because like Narcan is, we know Narcan is fucked and evil. Like they are, they lie all the time. They're always pushing those

when cops like think about fentanyl and they start, they start overdosing. Yeah. Like are they, you know, they get a whiff of something. And they're like, oh, I'm overdosing. And then they pound Narcan.

And Narcan always says, like, oh look, another life saved. They know they're lying. And their product sucks. So Narcan has been paying the city to go get Bums loaded up on Narcan, so then

they let and then the city gives them free needles with with NGO like a charitable organizations, give the Bums free needles. And then there's people running, giving out free needles turn around and sell them meth and fent and fentanyl. That's how the scam works.

So the, the, Bums, because they're on Narcan, they've got to buy more and more fentanyl to shoot up with. Fucking insane. Isn't it insane? It's fucking insane. It finally makes sense. Yeah. Oh, that's what's been happening.

That's why the city's so fucked. Okay. That makes sense. Creating fucking super drugos. Yeah. They're fucking super seruming them up with Narcan and then selling them fentanyl as the cure. that's fucking that's so fucking annoying

that's his plan scoop them all up and a big bulldozer force him to take Vivitrol that's great I like that plan a lot I'm okay with that plan

it's a compromise fucking you know what Grateful Dead fans say when they run out of weed what God this band fucking sucks yeah

imagine all the we're gonna see shitty music sales go down oh yeah It's going to start looking a lot nicer On multiple levels It's going to wind back to clock Maybe fish will fade back into obscurity

Yeah Get rid of them All of it And then like All the papers hate him You know, of course Of course I don't even know why

Just because he's a white guy Probably I really don't know what he Is saying or Trump you No obviously Yeah okay I understand why everyone

hates you, but, Pat, I think, what did he do? Yeah. They're talking about, Rolling Stone did a big hit piece today about how he sold crystals. Like, everybody likes making, they make fun of him because he's, he sold crystals. When the crystals are obviously retarded. I don't know if selling the crystals makes you retarded, but it's like, this is the same people that say you cut off your wiener and you're a woman. Right.

It kind of rings, like, you're the people buying the crystals. What do you mean? It's stupid. Yeah, it's obviously stupid. Well, that'd be like selling the face rock, you know? Yeah. Oh, yeah. This guy's selling a face rock.

Well, yeah. He's stupid, yeah. What an idiot. Why the fuck did you guys buy somebody then? Yeah. It's really funny seeing him weigh in on the crystals thing. Because, like, yeah, your entire demographic is buying. You think our side is buying the, you think the side that hates the homeless is buying the crystals?

I don't think so. No, it's the side who loves them. You guys, yeah. you guys are the ones doing retarded shit. I can't even believe you printed that, to be honest. You probably have crystals ads in Rolling Stone. You never see a house of intuition in a nice area. Right.

Spencer Pratton is Crystal-loving MAGA buddies. I kind of, no, I don't think so, man. You show me a IQ bell curve. Then we could talk, but crystals don't, I don't know her. Yeah. There's multiples, yeah. You're in the wrong neighborhood, buddy. This fucking idiot

This Maga Chud is selling crystals And the crystals don't even work Yeah He's selling bogus bum crystals Not like ours I hate these What does House of Intuition say about that Headpiece?

Right, I'm sure they're probably Probably says you bitches are dumb By the way Uh Wait a minute Hey how else are you gonna sell bundles of sage For like 35 bucks They don't make you lose weight

Uh It's not crystal light A Korean streamer goes to France To prove it's safe and is immediately mugged Let's check that out Let's see A Korean influencer flew to France To do a stream and debunk right-wing myths

That French cities are supposedly dangerous Because of the presence of African immigrants there Hmm Huh He barely stepped out of the cab When he was attacked by a group of black guys Oh, let's see. Uh-oh. Skinny's there after him. And then?

Hello, hello. Yeah. Nice to meet you. There he is getting out of the cab. Me, me, my face, my face. Don't come to me. Don't talk to them. Don't make eye contact. Oh, my face, my face. You don't come to me, then you don't... Uh-oh. You're doing a... you're going down the wrong path, sir.

the wrong path sir. Do you think English? English? Yeah. Yeah. Looks really safe. I don't know what he's... I don't know what these right-wing Chess are talking about.

It seems totally safe. safe? My face, my face, my face. Okay, my face. Okay, okay, chill, chill. Oh, fuck. Is that it? When is it get good?

Good. Oh, okay. Help me! He's running away now. Fuck. Uh-oh, here comes to grab them. I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

All right. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah, running. Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!

Please, please! Please, please. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Fucking. Help me! You're learning English. Wrong country though for that.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Okay. Okay. Uh-oh. Why? Why? What are you? Hey, English, English.

Please. Police? Hey, hey, police. Police? Uh, okay. All right. That's enough. Really showed everyone, you know?

You showed us, man. There's, um, oh, something a boomer wrote. Um, boomers didn't buy RVs. they couldn't afford, we tented it. Boomers didn't buy new cars. We bought used ones. This is just something some boomers said that got, you know, popular. The only people buying RVs are fucking boomers.

What the fuck are they talking about? We didn't buy RVs, but yeah, that's a real. Millennials and Zumers just love RVs. You camped in tents until RVs were a thing, you fucking assholes. Boomers didn't, that's his first one. This is why they're all, of course, millennials can't afford shit, so it's all their fault, right? You just can't afford shit so it's all their fault, you know, because they're eating $28 sandwiches or whatever.

They do do too much DoorDash, but they don't, there's not a lot of job dash going on, is the problem. It's not the DoorDash. Here's the thing, though, is how do you think Boomers would have abused the DoorDash if that was a thing in their time? I mean, you know, uh, yeah, they abused. They did everything. Yeah.

Pizza delivery, cell phones, whatever was the new thing, they jumped on and did. That, like, defines them as a generation. And in fact, it defines every generation. As soon as a new thing is available, everybody does it. Everybody. That's how, like, civilization progresses. Hey, we got this new thing where we make the food on a traveling kitchen, like was the original point of DoorDash.

And then we just drop it off of your thing. Like, all right, everyone will try it. Sounds cool. It's reasonable, right? Yeah, actually it is. The problem is when the jobs prospects crater, because they're getting sent to India or a bunch of illegals are coming in and taking them

under the table. And then what's left of the people of jobs are getting raped for taxes for said illegals in Israel's wars. That's when there's a problem with using new things. It shouldn't be a problem to get a $28 sandwich on DoorDash. Because that's like living this life,

like this ascetic life where you're depriving yourself of all things, is not human. It's not human behavior. I don't like spending money on that shit, but people like on mass rejecting new technologies and the features of new technologies

is not something to aspire to. What they're prescribing young Americans of well, you shouldn't be using modern day luxuries. That's fucking retarded. That's how you end up with no more luxuries is you don't use them. You're supposed to be using him.

Just like you fucks bought Every version of every kind of CD player Tape deck Fucking delivery everything Disposable everything You fucking retards did that your whole fucking lives So to suggest that the new generations Simply don't do it

And eat cheese on bread like your parents did Is offensive Um He could Boomers are Tibetan monks actually Oh yeah you know You just gotta stop wanting things dude Like a desire

The 50 disc CD changer? It was only $300. So really, you know, and they worked real hard for that. I added it, I did the math one time, and it was like, because somebody was, some boomer was crying about like new iPhones. So I said, okay, it is a lot that people are spending on new iPhones. Let me do some math. I went back to the 80s. Because before, before streaming and stuff, people would blow tons of money on new tapes, new sound systems.

Oh, yeah. That used to be huge, huge business. I did the math, and it was about equal. It was approximate. The amount that Boomers would spend on, like, tapes, tape decks, new stereos, CDs, all that shit. They would go buy new CDs all the fucking time. That doesn't happen at all anymore now, right?

You just have $15 a month for streaming. And there's what he said. Boomers didn't buy RVs that they couldn't afford. We tented it. I guess nobody was buying RVs then. Boomers didn't buy new cars. We bought used ones. Well, you can't buy used ones anymore, bud,

because Obama bought them all. boomers didn't spend six bucks for a cup of coffee at starbucks Boomers could hang all their clothes on a four-foot closet Boomers can just hang, yeah You could hang yourself in a closet Do you, how many clothes do you have Are Zoomers spending a lot of money on clothes? I don't

I mean I have like a bunch of like old t-shirts So they're like funny and shit But like nothing Boomers didn't cry how tough their lives were We fought through those tough times Really was Bobbiard? Dylan's singing about what is your entire your entire generational discography is you crying about shit that didn't even happen to you it happened to black people your

entire your entire your entire cultural relevance is crying about shit that happened to other people you're so fucking whiny boomers have everything they have because they manage their money didn't squander it on frivolous things and invested in proven technologies and long-term successful businesses like importing Indians? Was that one of your successful businesses? You guys invested, that's true, you invested a lot in that. You invested a lot in illegal immigrants

and shipping jobs overseas to Indians. That's a good point. Boomers have zero fucks for whiners, fools, and couch potatoes. God, I can't fucking wait till we can vote these people into a fucking grave. So here's what he said. He followed it up with how he was working, how he was busting his ass

is a boomer. Meanwhile, QVC is still fucking profiting fucking hand over fist from boomers. Oh, yeah, they didn't buy any frivolous things.

Yeah. Like, QVC doesn't have a literal hotline that you pick up and it will just immediately order what's on the TV. And you've got to be a fucking couch potato

to catch all that shit. So it's like, I hate this boomer bootstrap bullshit. So here's what he said, hey pal, I was working up north in the seismic exploration sector in 1971.

I lived in a camp and I worked seven days a week, 12 hours a day and earned a dollar in 92 cents an hour. 1971. 1971 making a dollar

92 an hour. Doesn't sound like a lot, does it? $1.92. Does it? Yeah, how much is it? It doesn't sound like a lot. You know what? In 1971,

$1.92 an hour was, in 1971 was worth actual gold. Because we got off the gold standard in 1973. That's right. So in 1971, you were making whatever the value of, what was the value of gold in 19791? Let's see. Gold in price in 1971. This is great. It's just how they think. Okay, $41.

The cost of gold is $41. That's fucking crazy. So you were making 1 20th of a ounce of gold. Every paycheck, every paycheck. Every paycheck. check you were literally getting paid in fucking gold at that time so that's i don't hate doing math uh what's 41 divided by two uh oh wait two divided by 41 i got that backwards 2 0.0.0.0.0.0. so it's like a 20th of a bar gold gold's 4500 now that's like 250 an hour so he's that he's crying about Like I was making a dollar 90 cents. Yeah, that's $250 an hour. Yeah.

Do you think anybody's making 200, do any of these millennials that are buying like avocado toast? Do you think they're making $250 an hour? That shit pisses me off, man. Right? Salary, what's $250 an hour a year? $520,000. Fuck that. Right?

I was busting my ass making, a dollar ninety two cents yeah the equivalent of that is five hundred thousand dollars a year well so he was saying he was doing 12 hours a day seven days a week that's just for a 40 hour work week oh so he was making about a million dollars a year and yeah

doing unskilled labor busting his shoveling you know stuff that Mexicans do now that's actual 192 an hour it's not even the inflation yeah because you're getting paid in fucking gold uh no

we're gonna have to add another ring of Yeah. For them. A lower one. Under Satan. We'll make all the boomers bigot. Under where the devil's wiping his ass. The devil's shit pit.

The devil's shit pit is the tenth layer of, the tenth level of hell reserved for boomers only, where Satan's head sticking out of the cold, where he's frozen in ice forever, chewing up Caesar. Fucking whatever he is in Dante's Inferno. He's chewing up some political rivals of the time in a layer of ice. in a block of ice frozen for eternity because it lacks the warmth of God's love there's another new layer of hell under that where Satan's shitting

in a big pit full of boomers all telling the same story and giving the same advice for eternity boomer hell it's just a Jimmy Buffett Jimmy Buffett concert the whole fucking time

it's one big Margaritaville fuck yeah Man And a stereo is broken Got up tables That would actually be That would be good for them

Yeah Stereo's on And they're out of coconut bay shrimp There's got to be something they don't like We gotta figure it out Yeah boomers don't like Non-boomers If you're not a boomer

They don't like you dude Yeah true Gotta make boomers watch TikTok all day Yeah Can't figure it out They don't get it Satan's shitting on them all day Satan's shitting on them all day

And telling them what to do Giving them life advice You know you guys just got to pull yourselves out of your I used to be in the 10th layer of hell But I'm in the ninth now so Dude at what point did like that shit start Like I know I know there's like This specific time period for boomers

But like at what point in history Was there like the first generation They've been telling everybody what to do since they were kids Was it like the first ever people were like, okay, like, we got it all figured out. And then from then on, everyone. I think they were the first ones that had technology where you could, where you as a normal person could have a big voice. Like their parents were only had their town. They could drive door to door and like give them a message or they could tell people right around them.

But boomers were the first group where you could reach the entire globe as like a normal person. So then, you know, if you have the access, then everything you say is important. The last thing we ever needed as a society was normal people being able to fucking talk to other people. We didn't buy RVs. Who the fuck's buying RVs, you dickhead? All right. Chris Prado says, oh, wow, the scrawny nerd and the man of glass don't like sports. Shocking.

Just like an addict. That's how addicts talk. Try to take it away from them. I feel bad for you, Chris. You're addicted to sports. You're addicted to sports, dude. You're probably watching high school wrestling right now. Probably.

You probably got the fucking fantasy sports app. You just want to see a bunch of dudes and tights, man. It's all good. We're trying to help you, man. Trying to help you. You've got to turn to the healing power of Christ. How many parlay is you got going on right now? How many sports stats can you give me off the top of your head?

Two minutes. Too many. What's the longest you've ever gone without watching a game? I don't think I've ever watched a full game. I couldn't tell you,

you know? This is addict questions. We even went to opening day and we spent more time drinking beer than watching baseball. Yeah. Which was tight.

Yeah. That was cool. That was cool. The sports itself. If there's a game on, can you not watch it? These are simple sports addict questions.

We were right there in the whole time. We were just going, man, when should we get up get in line for our next beer. Where's the next beer? Then the organ would play and we're like, oh shit, things are going on?

Do you find yourself shouting at the television? You might be a sports addict. Man, my friend's dad, who got fucking heart problems when we're watching the Cowboys. That is a fucking sports. You have heart problems. If you drink too much, you know, sports addiction. You got it. Would you suck dick to watch

a game? And eat shit out of an ass. And eat shit out of an ass. Would you suck dick to watch the big game? Would you suck shit Out of a date. You would. I can tell by your writing that you would. I can tell that you would suck the dick.

I can tell by the anger and your thought. Like the concept of no sports for this guy is he dude. Would you even want to live in a world with no sports? He's yelling at the TV we're currently on telling us how wrong we are. Yeah. He's probably got SportsCenter app like a special ringtone for that. And TV with sports. He's got sports on his phone.

And he's got a picture and picture on his phone. phone with another... Did you subscribe to Red Zone? I don't even know what Red Zone is, dude. Exactly, exactly. Get help. Get help. This guy probably coaches soccer for kids for fun,

just so he could be involved in sports. Is it about the fundamentals, Chris? Tell us. Slow poke, circle jerk. Congrats on getting this project out of development hell. What could that mean? I don't have any projects in development hell. What are you talking about?

A controversial game called Plantation Simulule. Okay. Has been released on Steam and is receiving huge backlash from people calling it a slavery simulator. Wait. The name is, what do you mean calling it? That's what it is. What are you talking about backlash? That's one of the mechanics in the game.

You got to unlock it. Oh, look, it's a, you go around whipping them. Yeah, his hat gets taller. That's Doug Dimitome, dude. The gameplay centers on a whipping mechanic. Look at that. You're whipping the slave quarters. It could be like Winamp, right? It really whips the llama's ass. And you hire field whatever they're called to whip the slaves for you.

Field friends. What a great game. Field guys. That's like Nat Turner's punchout, dude. You got to fight for your right to fight for your right. Who's upset at this game? Give me a break. It's a historical. It's like the Custer's revenge equivalent to like... Look at slavery.

I love the hat getting taller. Yeah, that's funny. You can't make it like that. Now I just want to see how big I can get the hat. Yeah. Maybe this is an ad for the game that I fell for. Well, as long as they don't... If they race swap it, I'm not playing it.

If they make it bees and like a dog, then it's safe. Yeah. Okay. counter signals says I was listening to one of the more recent dick shows and I also have a newborn I had the exact same experience with my wife of a day off. It was really fun and easy.

It felt like I was hanging out with one of my friends all day and my wife gets home and asks, how was it? She was pretty mad that I said it was kind of fun. You're 100% see this guy agrees with me? You're 100% right. What the fuck are they complaining about? What the fuck are they complaining about? Here, buddy, you want a veto?

Made in China. It's probably full of poison. John Florey says Euniceus runs away and not possible Let's see He's suspicious of the veto Correctly so Yeah

Okay this is I speak out against Chief M scoffor Unis why didn't you speak out against Chief Moore You lied to me You sent me a message You said delete that tweet And I will post a comment about Chief Moore And then you didn't

You didn't you fat You tub of shit No, she's not running. I thought you stand up for women. There we go, let's have it out. Here we go. You said, no, you said you were gonna do it. You said that you were gonna post something

about Chief Moore with the way that he handled the sexual abuse. Let her have it. Sexual abuse. You said you were gonna post a comment about how Chief Moore covered up sexual abuse. He raped these women. Unisys.

You need these. I thought you were four women. I thought you were four women in a big suit because you fat horse. In one vets. She sent me a DM, said that her mother had COVID. And that's why she couldn't release a statement. Because you had butter, spilled butter all over herself.

Now, Eunices. It's been two years. It's been two years, Eunice. In two years, UDC. And you've been sending a bunch of shit all over the country trying to slander me. What? Who's this?

I got to get this guy on. I got to teach this guy how to, you know, harassed. Normally, you talked to her. What was she saying to? She's saying, I, uh, I'll have a conversation with him. Oh, Eunice.

She's covering up rapes. I sent her 100 emails. All right. Man. We got to unseat that behemoth. Mm-hmm. Roll her down. Roll her right out of town.

Roll that fat bitch right out of town. See, he's standing now. He'll do this thing where he stands up on something and goes like, whoa, whoa. I do that too. Whoa. Yeah. Oh. Whoa.

Got to make sure he can do it. Yeah. throw that veto in the garbage uh thank you for sending that john karma says uh rolls a guy rolls up on a scooter to defend a bike thief from getting caught doesn't go how he thought it would go okay how do you think it will go uh please don't help and that's for a reason okay

this guy this guy okay this guy's beating someone's ass who tried to steal steal their shit. Yeah. Okay, this guy was riding a bike and this guy tried to steal it, right? So this guy's beating his ass, the bicycle rider. And then this guy in a scooter pulls up and tries to intervene,

tries to stop the thief from getting his ass beaten. Is that what's happening here? Yes, kick the shit out of him. Kick him right in the head. Kick him in the teeth. Kick him, he should be running. If he's not running, he's got to go down. And then the thief gets up and steals the scooter.

What a piece of shit. What a piece of shit, man. Don't help anybody. You got to get that plantation simulator. Going. Pop Sculature says Johnny was right about the vending machine thing. We had one in the break room in my last job. You swipe your card to open it and the system tracked

what you took using weights and sensors and cameras. It would place a hold on your card Then charge you afterwards It's gone So all those guys are stealing Not understanding how it works That's funny That's awesome

For larger purchases They'd likely do a manual Review and adjust the charge Just like they do in Amazon Honestly I bet a lot of that AI tracking Is just overseas reviewers checking footage Yeah It's all Indian

Michael says Hey Dick this is fun You can watch the percentage dead count up real-time boomer death clock huh cool okay I don't like that it has a php extension on it I don't know if I'm gonna click on that a fucking php extension in this fucking day and age I don't know if I like that so much mm but let's see oh 60% alive wow cool fucking php dude this is where I got the malware 40% extinct

Oh, very cool. That's counting. Have fun with your RV in hell. Have fun with all your savings. Have fun with all your investments. Have fun burning in hell with all your advice. Eric. My wife bought a Subaru from 2019 and it was a super easy fix.

Oh, this is for the auto shutoff stuff. Purchase a $20 to $50 kit on eBay for the listed model And you just go to plug a fuse into the fuse Super easy fix, okay Plug a fuse into the fuse box You have a warning light forever But it'll turn the auto start feature off Oh, okay

Maybe I'll give that a shot Super easy, it takes five minutes Okay, thanks Alden Made a mistake trusting a woman Oh, okay. Could have just left it at that. Hey Dick, every year I go to Rockville with my buddy, his wife, obese, D-Cups.

You don't have to tell me the cup size if they're obese. Yeah. I like that you erred on the side of cup size, but it makes it... I don't want to know. Cupsize Reese's, dude. It's irrelevant. Fucking... It's O-relevant.

It's O'Reilly. You're leaving. that dummy Eric is putting his comics out in like bookstores? How well, how do you think that's going to go for them? You know they make you refund those, right? Yeah. Like if they don't sell,

they, if your black superhero book doesn't sell it Barnes & Noble, they ship it back to you and you got to pay them. God. Who would, who would come into the comic game right now and their goal is to get in a bookstore? Guys, we got to get this CD into Tower Records.

We got to make, you know, we got to get this music on an LP. We got to get this, we got to get the distribution deal. Exactly. We got to get this played on the radio. How much can we pay to get the local DJ to play our song on the radio? What a fucking idiot. This is a big release day down at Warehouse, man. Can we, can we host an activation down at the warehouse?

Those are all closed. What about any warehouse? What about a warehouse? A warehouse. Two for one. Whatever happened to that place where you'd get like 10 CDs for a penny? Can we get our comic books in that? No.

Just go online. Fucking crazy. Isn't it crazy? Stupid. You had the fucking dream. Oh well. I can't wait to see how it works. Oh, it goes.

Hey Dick, every year I go to Rockville with my buddy, his wife, obese, his sister, B, cups and his lady cousin obese decups. So you're going to Rockville with a bunch of fat chicks? Sounds like Rockville, dude. Rock bottomville. Either that or Asheville, North Carolina. This year we decided to camp at the site

so we could come and go as we please. So the cousin gets a used camper one month beforehand and only starts working on it one week before we go to the festival. Is Rockville a festival I don't know about? I guess. I guess.

I'm nervous, but I've already bought the tickets in the flights. Oh, man. Is the engine in the camper? You're fucked. Trailer? Yeah, fine. You got a camper with a fucking engine in it? D.

Stupid. Dumb. Um, yeah. My only concern was sleeping arrangements in AC in Florida. But I was assuredly confident that the cousin, an obese woman, would get the AC running. Why would you think that?

If she could do things, she wouldn't be obese. That's your first clue. Oh, you're going to get something done? Well, you're fat. So I know that you're the first thing that you would get done, you haven't done. Right. So you're not going to get any of the rest of it done. You are, you have not been listening very well. We eventually landed on I'd Sleep on a cot.

but my buddy and his wife on an air mattress and the other two in the actual bed oh my this is this thing is gonna stink you're in a camper with two fat women and a guy and his wife in Florida yeah man and it's old with an old AC

Jesus Christ I hope you like what Guntfolds smell like is you're going to be smelling a lot of them. For that price, you could just get like a smoking motel room and then chain smoke cigarettes in it the whole time and walk away, fucking Scott Free. Just rub lard all over your body

when you wake up every day. Yeah. The atomized grease. Because you lose weight by breathing it out. Right. So you're getting fat breathed all over you all night. It's fucking disgusting. I was constantly assured that there would be room for all of us in the camper. Well, well, so

what do you? You have no responsibility to know that two fat bitches, two fat bitches, and somebody in their sister and you are not going to fit in a busted ass old camper constantly assured my ass. Do some due diligence. I was constantly

assured. What do you mean constantly assured? By who? The fucking time? The TARDIS guy? Fucking Doctor Who? Hey, we're all going to fit in this camper. You know, you're not? We are not. Get a tent. I was constantly assured that there would be room for

all of us in the camper. while never getting any photos I asked for have said camper Okay There you go That's your first fuck up So anyway I slept outside the first night Now I'm sleeping on the floor with a bad knee

Oh my god and I deserve this Yeah I'll say Bad fucking knee Bad brain injury too Other minor problems You can't use the water in the RV Because we fix it the night before And there's still bleach in the line

Idiot The canopy collapsed because it takes on water like a tub. Well, you left it open in the rain. What a fucking idiot. Amateur hour. The wrong generator was bought despite the specs being provided over a billion times. You got to do everything yourself, man. I got bad news for you.

You got to do everything yourself. You got to measure it. You got to fix it. You trust you got one, too many fat women in this equation. Unless you're going truffle hunting. Unless you're going to Disneyland. Don't let a fat bitch plan your vacation Man

Well she seemed like she knew I thought the fat woman would Instinctively know how much space there is No Yeah What didn't we have the tester carts At the fucking Every fucking ride now

Put a test Yeah Put one in front of the RV Nope, nope You gotta sleep outside Yeah if you can wear the RV Is one roller skate Too big

It's funny that this happened to him, but you should have stopped it. Thanks, Dick Love the show. Nugis for Johnny. Abbas, Abbas. What's the newest form of maxing that we should be doing?

Johnny proclaimed it. He's been unc maxing for a while now. Is there any maxing that we should be? Well, right now, it's White Boy Summer maxing, I guess. It's just White Boy Summer. But you could be doing your best to be,

I don't know, I guess wigger maxing. right like yeah you gotta tell everyone and go fuck themselves now's the era where you gotta start

wearing your hat backwards oh you know get a grill maybe goy maxing they said yeah I could try that suicide maxing to be honest that guy's been talking about

suicide maxing for 10 years I recognize that guy's face uh yeah that's you're like Eeyore motherfucker yeah he'd be talking about suicide every time eyebrow maxing somebody said that's cool

let's do up our eyebrows Just go with the fucking Was it Yeltsin? Who had the fucking crazy eyebrows? Yeltsin had some crazy eyebrows Yeah That was cool back then You could do

If you're really looking for one Do Balkan uncle Balkan uncle Like a wife beater Will that always be smoking cigarettes And instead of making a sandwich Just like have a loaf of bread Have a tomato

A pepper and some salt Make the sandwich in your mouth Just eat take a bite of time dude. Back and forth? Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool.

What kind of pants you got to wear? Whatever your fat ass can get into, man. Quirk chungus maxing. Nick Ricker Cate has sent Moon maxing for Josh Moon. And then he sent a big post about Null saying that he's upset.

He's not getting respect. He's Roddy Dangerfield maxing? I guess. I don't know. I don't really want to read it I don't want to read that Okay Do I play the theme song and then do voicemails or do I just play

Voicemeals? I forget I think I hit the theme song Yeah That's just so everybody Patreon.com slash the Dick Show Um I'll see next Tuesday We've got some juicy stuff here

Oh yeah Oh, okay. I see these, Johnny. You see the Shed. Newsom's going to war with Chevron. Really? He said, don't shop with Chevron. I like a Chevron.

Chevron said, yeah, they got talking cars. The talking cars, and it's got Techron. Bitch it has Techron. Chevron said, Newsom is the reason why gas is so expensive. and they have like big posters and said Newson, Sacramento policies is why gas is so expensive in California,

which is true. Because California made it so the gas we buy here is different than all of the gas. Right. It has to be specially refined for basically no reason. Just to be assholes.

Sounds like Newsom's causing all that. Yeah. So they said it's Sacramento causing all that, right? So Newsom's press, like his little homosexual press secretary that he has, pretending to be Trump. Uh, he came out and said, like, don't buy Chevron.

You could buy it. You could buy any other, the other fuels better. He came out and said, like, don't get gas there. We got gas at home. That's what it sounded like. Let me find the- Yeah, go to Arco. Yeah, go to Arco.

Fuck that. I was like, I know you guys aren't declaring war on fucking Techron. I would die for Techron. Techron's great, man. Newsom, Techron. My shit was Adlin Rough the other day. bottle of tecron in the gas tank? Fucking.

Californians, if you're hitting the road this weekend, be sure to avoid Chevron. Pro tip. Ugh. Unbranded gas comes from the same refineries, storage tanks, and pipelines, and it meets the same state standards to keep your engine running clean,

even if it doesn't have a fancy name like Techron. Yeah, but Techron is a separate additive. It's not the fuck. See, that's that fucking... Exactly. He doesn't know. Man. He's riding cops. He's not riding in the car.

He's fucking... He's taking rides on the penis carousel. He doesn't know about Tecron. Fucking cockmouth motherfucker, dude. Go suck some cocks, dude. Newsom's press offers. Go to suck more cox with that mouth. Bad-mouthed Tecron.

Feetron's great, dude. Techron's always been there. All my mechanic friends swear by it. And they got talking cars, bitch. They got talking... I still have some of those, too. Those are awesome. Those are awesome, man.

If there was a theme park for Chevron, And those talking cars, I would go to it. I'd go to it out of spite. I'd wait in line to get gas there from a talking car. I'm going to fill up my car with Chevron with Techron. And then let it idle in my front yard all day. I go out of my way to buy Chevron. Even if there is cheaper gas, I'll drive through that gas station to get to a Tecron.

I'm not going to no fucking Valero. I'm not going to Sinclair. I'm not going to fucking... I don't think the dinosaur logo is cute. I don't think it's funny. I don't find the humor. Perpetuates a stereotype. Right.

It's all actual dinosaurs. Yeah, it's not dinosaurs. Yeah. It's other things. There's dinosaurs and plants. Assholes. Fucking idiots. It's called a bio-genesis or something.

Yeah. I don't know what it is exactly, but it's not dinosaurs. I don't think that's funny. Big oil is already making billions off of Trump's Iran war. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy. Is the gas more expensive than it's supposed to be or not? That was the charge.

Chevron said, you guys. are making the gas more expensive, so are you doing it or not? They're doing it. That sounds like someone needs to it. Sounds like you got caught doing it. He said fancy name like Tekron. Like, mm. Yeah.

That's a fuel fucking clean fuel system cleaner, you piece of shit. Maybe you need to get your fucking pipes cleaned out of shit that's been impacting in them. You got too much poop in your urethra. He's fucking John Wayne maxing. He's got 60 fucking pounds of impacted fecal matter, right? So you're going to have a contest of most impacted fecal matter. matter between John Wayne and the homosexual with a potbelly.

Yeah. Oh. Fucked every day. Hey, Pilgrim. Hey, Pilgrim. I have all that shit blowing out of your ass. Man. We've got to ask Gravedigger if he's ever had to cremate someone who's... Let's get him to call in.

Yeah. Soon. We got the 10th year anniversary coming up. Wow. Of the show. That's fucking... I can't believe it. That's fucking insane.

What if ever... Everyone that ever called in called in. They'd take another 10 years? And they could tell, then they could tell Reddit why they don't like me anymore. They would love that. We should just get antoids on for 10 hours. Big oil's already making billions off Trump's Iran War. Really?

Don't let them rip you off even more by overpaying for the brand name. Man, guilty. This guy, all he does is overpay for brand names. Yeah. Fuck them. Sounds guilty, man. I don't know. I don't know what it is, but it sounds guilty.

Hey, Dick and Johnny, I've got a fucking rage for you tonight. I'm sitting a few drinks, just how fucking unusable YouTube is these days. I'm seriously just considering just fucking torrenting all my music and putting it on a disc now. You listen to music on YouTube? Like, weirdo. Fuck, you can't even go like 10 seconds. Like, you can't even go one video without seeing, like, too fucking eyes.

What do you do in listening to music on YouTube, man? That's like having a box for a nightstand, cardboard box. What are you doing? You can't do that. You got to have like a music, like a Spotify. Get title. Pro. Yeah. Yeah, title. Title's cool.

Get title. YouTube's not for music. There is a YouTube music app, but it's like, why would you... Why would you do this? Yeah. Stop doing that immediately. Straighten your life out. This guy's brand shit-branded poop, dude.

Hey, Dick, who's from Florida again. I've got a rage for you. It's the rise of post-transactional surveys. And just about every facet of any industry. Any industry. The most recent example I have is fast food. But it's not just fast food. It's like any time you go up to like a little fucking.

keypad or not pinpad, swipe your card. It's got, do you want to donate fucking five bucks to, you know, needy children? Do you want to sign up for the sweepstick? It's just like, fucking never ending. I pay for my shit and I want to go. Yeah, leave me alone. I don't want to sit here for other two minutes and fill out a goddamn survey so you can spit out the receipt and finalize the transaction. It's so infuriating. I don't know why this is becoming a thing. Like I know it's always been a thing, hey, you want to donate a little, like, your change, like, you got some pocket change that you want to, from the transaction, you want to donate their kids. I get that. But, like, now it's fucking digital.

I don't get that. Everything. Like, do you want to tip. Do you want to donate to your kids? You want to sign up for a movie letter. You want to win 25 bucks. Give me my shit and let me go. Anyway, go fuck yourself.

Well, after I learned all that shit's a scam anyway, it really pissed me off. What's a scam? Help. The kids won? Yeah. Yeah. Because they just pay like 20 grand And then they say like well every dollar you donate goes and then they collect over the 20 grand

And so they just made more money off it and it's a tax art It's just for them Yeah Yeah And it's like fuck you guys And fuck them kids too they suck Fuck the kids too They all got cancer for a reason they're bad kids

What are you gonna pay off the cancer? How's the money gonna help them? Yeah You know? I'm sure plenty of bad kids get cancer too So You can't tell me all those kids are good kids Maybe they had evil parents, dude.

They're probably upset. Fucking... It's like the ad one tyranny. Like, let's just throw another... The creep, the fucking scope creep, the ad creep in every facet of our lives. And you don't know, no, you can't point to the one that made you go insane, but collectively they did. Like, the ad creep at the movies. It used to be a nice experience, sit and answer some...

answer the dumbest trivia ever made. Right. Sit there in silence. Look at like ads on a bus. But now they're screaming at you for 30 minutes before. Join our movie club pass members and you get a movie credit card that you can use to buy and get free fucking movies. My mom wipes her ass.

All right. With three credit cards. So now I got to show up like, now I got to thread the needle and show up exactly when the fucking movie starts. Great. Thanks for ruining this experience. Going to the store, can't hear anything because you got the fucking. an ad blank pumping gas ads blaring using your credit card there's fucking throwing new ways to

there's throwing ways so you can accidentally steal your own money yeah you want the receipt no oh that was oh it changes it the last second you want to give five bucks to kids god damn it well and at what point does any of these surveys be the one that's like oh you know what i feel about this survey and things actually got better it only ever gets fucking worse it's more insulting that they say you could win a fifty dollar gift card You fill out this survey. Like, what? Don't.

What am I going to do with a 50? Then I got to come back here and do this again. Right. I didn't like any part of this. Fuck you guys. Yeah, fuck you. Everything's AI now. All customer supports AI.

Oh, I hate it so much, man. So I was trying to get some customer support on a database application. And it wouldn't, you know, it wouldn't. It never, ever, ever, ever works. I was like, I just go on in custom support Email, customer support It's like, no, no, no, no. I said, one of your AIs raped me.

So then I said, I'm going to I'm going to give you, we'll get you sort of, don't worry, it said, it gave me the email of the abuse department. Like, God damn it. So if you say you got raped by the computer, it will say oh, here's the email. But it gives me like

the abuse, like that's the wrong email. And I said, this sounds like a technical support issue though. The rape, like If I was raped by computer, isn't that a... I'm trying to trick the computer into giving me the answer that I want. I eventually got it. And then the Indian tech said, it's not our problem.

Okay. Nothing's... Give me a list of everything that's your problem. Oh, that would be nothing. Nothing. Yeah. That's what I thought. All right.

Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. I've got a rage. And it's the Brown Stairs, the third world stare. A landscaper. He's doing some work. Zone out.

And, of course, on an Indian couple's house. And this irrigation guy comes in. Mexican, obviously, speaks barely in English. And he just starts turning on all the fucking sprinklers all over my power saws and shit like that. Yeah, cool. And, yeah, it just fucking hoses everything down. First time, I'm like, you know what, it could be an accident. It's okay.

Move my shit. Go somewhere else. something else. Same thing happens again. I walk up to the guy and I tell him, just tell me so I can move my stuff. I'm trying to be polite and he just fucking stares at me. He just stares at me. Doesn't say a word. I go on, do my thing. Go to subway for my lunch break. Nobody in the fucking subway. And an Indian bitch is working to register at the gas station that it's paired with. And I just want a fucking beer at this point. And she's sitting there stocking drinks for fucking 10 minutes.

10 minutes while I'm sitting there. She's making direct eye contact with me. And I'm fucking waiting on this stupid bitch. Cut forward to today. And the same stupid motherfucker does the same stupid shit again. I'm going to go tattoo a swath to go on my forehead. Yeah. It's over.

Thanks, Jake. Thanks. I'm going to kill myself. No, but don't because they like the spostica, so they're only going to, they're only going to look more. Yeah, you got no, we got no choice. Okay, we can do these in a bonus episode. We got a bunch of backed up voicemails to go through. 60 pounds of impacted voicemails.

But now is the time for you with weak stomachs to turn off your phones. I can't remember what happens this week, but, um, oh. Oh yeah, I hated this one. So this is what Jim Morrison had in mind when he wrote the song, Light by Fire. Okay, there's a chick like showing off her engagement ring or something? What fuck is this? They're lighting the fire, Dick, can't you see?

It's just a bunch of weirdos, like... They're going around the table showing how exciting they are. See? The fire's lit, dude. It's like a wave. like for company teamwork building. I saw this and I hated it. Put your hands in d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d.

Yeah. Like going in a round of a circle. It's like a crowd cheer kind of thing. It's HR shit. It's HR shit. And that's what drove me nuts. I'm like, whose fucking office went to lunch that day? What sort of team building exercise is this?

I need, man. I would give anything for like a guy from the 1800s to come out of a time portal. And with suspenders, like a big business plutocrat kind of guy. I'm running this business now, see? And like take over of AT&T or something. Yeah. Westinghouse in there. All right, first of all, you're all fired.

Jay Jonah Jameson. Yeah, I was going to say, bring back Western Electric to make phones again. Yeah, just somebody to come in there and kick all this shit. What all these broads doing in there? Get all these dopey bronze out of here. Yeah, and there's a couple dudes in there, too. And I'm like, what the fuck are you guys doing? We don't go to lunch together.

No time for lunch. one of those guys for whiskey and cigars time for whiskey we're drinking at work we need more barons again dude yeah I need a baron man we need more foreman and we need more barons

we need people who get shit done man I think she went I think my wife wanted to name our son baron and I was like I don't know that's a little that's a bit on the nose yeah but I saw this and hated it and I was like man why do I hate this stuff but and then I remember

fired every one of them fired yeah out of a cannon how was that lunch recently and saw something similar that I went, man, like these people make me fucking sick, dude. There's just so fun and everywhere is an opportunity.

I think it's such a great time at lunch, at a subway, at Biggs' mics. Well, and then as soon as this is over, they all sit there in silence. And it's like, you see it all that just to be fucking pieces, like, I know I'm old-fashioned. I know I just want people

to smoke in restaurants again and fucking eat in silence, but it's like, God damn. They took our money and made women come to work and then gave them our money. Mm-hmm. That's our money belongs to us, people who are laboring. Not people who are doing Zoom meetings, dancing around, doing HR bullshit. Yeah.

The monies belongs to us, people who work. Bullshit. Fuck this shit, man. Fuck this shit. So anyway, fuck them. That was a good one. Here's another lunch-based one. Why are they forging my fajitas?

It's an Indian guy with a red hot cast iron plate And it's his chicken sizzler Wow, he's forging fajita plates Got a little cup of oil Oh Sit that bitch on fire Throw some goop Throw some scoop

Is he making a fajita? It's like a butter chicken dish, I imagine But there you go It's fajitas That's the That's actually an appetizing Indian food video Yeah, just made in like a car shop

somewhere I don't know why there's so much black mold It's the color of the wall in the background Made it the dirtiest place in the world The placemat that he's using is simply aluminum foil And countless other amounts of discarded chicken bits Yeah Okay

Yeah, I hate it Good Oh yeah Not bad Could be worse Could be a lot worse I didn't see anybody's feet.

Still off the forge, though, is pretty diabolical work. He's got, no, he doesn't have gloves. Oh, he's got one glove. One glove. Okay, okay, halfway there. He's got the chicken sizzler on him.

Catholics ain't got shit on this. To me, this is just regular penance, not Chinese penance. Okay, we got a Chinese guy. Oh, wow, he's got a, like a baseball bat with spikes all over it. Mm-hmm.

Okay. He's going to do a little dance. A little dance. Guys wearing an apron. And that's it. They all have these things. Is he hitting himself in the head with that? Yeah.

Oh, jeez. He's hitting himself. Oh, God, now he's bleeding all over the place. And this guy comes and spits a bunch of water all over? Is this like a herpes exchanging event? I don't know what the fuck this is. Bug chasers. I didn't want to investigate this.

What the fact that you got to fucking... White people... Uh, you're... White people are going, passing around wiggling fingers at a big mics. And Chinese people are bashing themselves in the head with a baseball bat with spikes. With like a fucking Super Mario Castle. Fucking. Blom.

Boom. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. It sounds like when you ice pick like a watermelon or something. Oh. You can feel. Oh, God.

And this last one. one is called uh... Oh wait, I clicked on that one. This last one is called, That Breeze smells like low tide at a sulfur factory. They probably should have warned you with this one. Why are there so many videos of fat women doing pole dancing?

Why? I don't know, dude. A true man. Why? If this was the riddles of the Sphinx, I'd be trapped in hell for another eternity. They can't avoid it. They can't stop pole dancing. Yeah. They're always having to show it's an affront to God. They say my body is already the size. Now let me break some laws of nature for you. What is it about the pole that they find so alluring? Do they think it's like a kebab? Do they see the Middle Eastern foods twirling around a pole? Giant shawarma, yeah. Do they feel like, Are they becoming one with the Schwarma? They look like Schwarma, they're fat ass.

It's fucking crazy. Well, it's like when a broke bitch gets like the entry tier Mercedes, but it's like a 1986 one. Uh-huh. And it's like, well, I drive a Mercedes. And it's like... I do pole dancing. That's what it is.

Okay. I'm a pole dancer. Like the Arctic pole? Yeah. I mean, it's... Oh, yeah. Getting stronger, and I did my first Jasmine. Look at the...

ridges on that, man. They name their moves. I did my first Jasmine. I mean, look at the ladies behind her, like normal sizes going through their routines. And she looks like a turtle trying to get up on his back. Laughing. Thumbs up. Nailed it.

Look at this joint. God didn't build these joints to do this. Go up to the left a little. Look at that. elbow, dude. That was like that fucking hog I saw at the car wash. Dude, her arms looked like she rolled up a sweatshirt, like pushed up

the sleeve of a Letterman jacket. Yeah, dude. Just like, why do you gotta have your fucking feet at all the part? Why don't fat women take up skateboarding? Let's see some ramp. Let's see some ramp.

You would have to use like a fucking Samoan canoe with wheels on the bottom to withstand that kind fucking wait as a skateboard. Holy shit. We'll see him hit the skate park. This is White Blade sent in a fad chick on a, I think.

On a pole. Maybe. Oh, he's at the same one. Great. He's got the same one. He must be on the same feet as you. All right, is that it? That's it.

We survived. What do you think it would look like if she tried the orange juice and olive oil cleansed? A bucket of marbles. So confident. How are you still this fat after Ozimpic? Yeah.

It's like to be that fat and to maintain that, you have to eat so fucking much, dude. It's crazy. So confident in trying moves, I was nervous to try before. Like standing up. Yeah, stairs. And to the haters. Yes, there is loose skin.

I'm not hating on the loose skin. No, I'm not gonna stop. And yes, I love my body. It changes constantly. Has become stronger and healthier. 200 pounds down. Jesus. Man.

Wait, what? That's the song. Where's the account? This bitch has lost 200 pounds. and all she does is pole dancing. That's not her, is it? Oh my God. Oh, her thighs just

look like a big Montana. It's like watching a waterbed trying to dance. Jesus. Jesus. Was she doing this 200 pounds ago? Posing with a bikini? I never wanted to

be skinny. Well, okay. I never wanted to be sober. Try wanting something more difficult. That's lucky you. I have never been Jesus, dude, I've never seen so much rippling. Like homemade Play-Doh that you left out. Dude, it's like one of those

like alligator skin like dodge balls that are supposed to like never go flat. Oh yeah. Flat down into like a raisin? Oh my God. This is one of the worst body It's like her skin is destroyed by the sun And she's fat Yeah

This might be the worst Body I've ever seen in my life That's a pretty shitty body, dude That's That's Every Every inch of her skin is covered in stretch marks And she's got like

Seven back tits Like Zoidberg She's stretch marks. Mark Strong, dude. Fucking shit, dude. What is this shit? Stop acting like an influencer. Nobody sees you or cares.

She says while wearing a fishing net that she got caught in probably. I think she's modeling at a local Long John Silver's. Oh, no, what is this? She's at the gym working out. People, why don't you post yourself more at the gym? don't this is why honestly I just don't think about

filming when I'm working out no you shouldn't that's the correct that's correct shouldn't be thinking about that you shouldn't be thinking about filming ever you shouldn't be thinking when you're working out you should be locked in here's her just standing in a parking space

why is that P OV you're a fat woman who has watched Silence of the Lambs way too much bitch she sees a man you need a bigger hole yeah you can fit down the pit

Buffalo Bill's house Oh shit I got a digger bigger hole She's sticking out the top Yeah You know like her head's sticking out the top She gotta go to Buffalo Wild Wings's house Oh did you eat the dog Phrastas

That's just man Buffalo Bill was it was Larger women Like you know plump Not 600 pounds Buffalo Bill wasn't running a furniture store Buffalo Bill wasn't running a furniture store Buffalo Bill couldn't comprehend that level of horror yet

He only wanted one suit Made out of women Not a whole wardrobe Not a botany 500 He could have made a gilly suit out of that one Well wouldn't you're like Isn't that like gross cheese look Doesn't that kind of ruin the suit

You have to Stretch it out? Does that work? Man Enough with the pole dancing Damn those are some unfortunate freckles. I had a hectic morning and I did not have time to eat.

How the fuck do you have that many freckles? What the hell's going on here? Well, she was probably brown at first, right? And then as she got fiddaliga? It's just like... Like space time spreading out gradually. It's like a yoga pants when they, you know, stretch out a little bit.

It's like silly putty. See through in certain parts? Yeah, it's all white. Here she is destroying a child's park at the gym Doing monkey bars God damn See how long I would last At least

You last about three seconds Hanging off those monkey bars One Two Three Four Okay Fooh

Yikes Just unreal Okay I'm gonna go Let's see how big she gets all the way back Da-ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Looks like this is the first one Oh, this is her skinny friend

Oh, it's beautiful waterfall Oh, she's in the top probably causing the waterfall All right Yeah, she was overflowing the bathtub all right goodbye everybody