The Dick Show - Episode 512 - Dick on Two Half-Decades

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Spencer Pratt is robbed, sending piss bottles through the mail, a robot fights a child, no more cigarettes, a man in cargo shorts melts down, Sikhs circle the wagons after Henry Nowak, and Madcucks calls in to thank everyone for ten years of content; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Rumble, you shit-faced cockmaster? There it is. I just got someone on Reddit call someone a twat waffle. In my Reddit, calling somebody a twat waffle, I said, what are you doing here? Get the fuck out of here. Run this guy out of town, twat waffle. That's a chungus insult. What?

This chungus insult. That is a chungus. That's a fucking berthed in Reddit. Are you merely browsing Reddit? I was born in the Reddit God I said ban this guy right now What are a cock monster

Like why do they Why is that so funny to them Crock Twaffle Dude Twatwaffle What do you I used to work with a guy

Who thought cockmouth was a funny insult He would call people Cockmouth motherfucker all the time And Were they sucking cocks? No At least that's a thing You could have cock mouth

Makes me think your breath smells like Cogoff Right. At least there is... Everyone knows what that smell is. Their own cock. Some merit to the insult, right? There's some logic to it. Women are down there all day with that tasting the fucking mouth.

What's wrong with them? They're crazy. They're crazy. I get a taste like that in my mouth. I spit. It's out of my mouth. Get this taste out of my fucking mouth, but they love it. You got to remember that.

When a woman's berating you doing something dumb, like, man, that bitch... Cockmouth motherfucker. Cockmouth motherfucker over there, not parking property. But that's the thing is I started saying it making fun of him, and now I'm laughing at it. I'm laughing at these twat waffles. What's a waffle of it? I don't even want to engage in it because it's beneath me. Waffle stomping, a whole different story.

That's a real thing. That's a real thing. It's a real thing. Was this necessary to call? So my vasectomy, my penis doctor told me that I had to wait 30 days to get a vasectomy. I said, okay. Fine. Calls me back 30 days later.

Oh, you're free to have a best activity. My staff will call you. This French guy, like Le Poisson in there, fiddling with my nards. Hi, he, ho. You don't need this? We cut out your vast deference. God damn it. And the guy calls me some fucking Mexican.

I know I'm in trouble. Oh, man, I can tell you're fucking up already. He says, well, we gotta send you this form to sign for 30 days. I said, don't need to. Doctor already did that to me. He goes, did you sign a form? I said, no. He goes, well, we gotta send you a form.

You gotta wait another 30 days. I said, oh no, man. I'm on borrowed time already, man. You can't do this to me, man. You can't do this to me, man. He goes, well, I'm doing it. He sends me the form. Look at this says.

Consent to sterilize. sterilization. Is that necessary? Like a Nazi sterilization? Consent to sterilization? What the hell? Can't they call it something nicer than that? We got nice terms to everything, right? Like unhoused people. Yeah. Yeah. Do they put the N-word on their forms? What's your race? White? N-word.

Check the box. Too many of them? Are you, what's your race? Too many or not enough. Check the box that applies. Oh, yeah. I know that one right away. Let me see what other people put. Just as right or wrong in the race category? Consent to sterilization. Jesus Christ.

I don't want to be sterilized. They're trying to talk you out of it. They're trying to talk people out of it. You know? It's working. It's getting in my head. I'm like, I don't want to be sterilized. Like, they sterilized retarded people, right? I don't want to be retarded. I want to least things in common

with retarded people as possible. I hate to break it to you. I don't even want to eat hot dogs. You know, might make me retarded. I don't want to be sterilized. What if I become retarded? That's just if you start eating ketchup by the spoonful. There's no way they have this form for women.

It's got to say something else. I was just like, follow the money behind this, Dick. Who do you think is advocating for this, dude? This is like a women's lobby supporting, like, fucking like hey wait a second our meal tickets keep those meal tickets coming out yep all these women want is babies oh see you forgot to sign the form

that's time extended dude like Daytona USA you got another lap you got another fucking lap man I hate when you get like a crummy barely squeak across the line it's like oh here's uh five more seconds come on I can't have any fun in five seconds just kill it yeah just say you lose

that's the end of the game. It's a walk of shame is what that is. And the car slows down. Like, come on. I feel like such a fucking loser. Shit's all out of alignment and going off to the left. You're like, man. I hate that game.

You're like the whole point is it's supposed to be surreal. I'm not going to actually drive a fucking NASCAR, you assholes. Did you see my piss jug upstairs that I got to fill up? I thought that was a gas tank. It's the size of a gas tank. Holy shit. How much piss do you need? I'm not pissing up in the hospital for you guys to figure out what's the kidney stone is?

Man They gave me a full, it's a five-gallon tank. I'm going to use it for gasoline and say send me another one. No, here's the thing is. It's got one of those safety valve too of things. No, it's not a safety valve. That's like a fucking sport top from like a fucking Gatorade, dude. I was like, why is there a drink fucking like?

Don't get it confused. Well, that's what makes me think that the doctor is merely doing their job just for access, not for... Access to piss? Yeah. Take a little, like the angels. You think he's got a fridge full of those fucking things, slugging them back? Like, they're the fucking novelty zoo cups?

Why does it have to be so much? Like... Why does it have to be so much? What's at the sport top? And why does there no medical labeling on it? It's just the orange thing. What's the machine look like that they feed it in? How much piss does it take?

It's the guy, dude. Gallons of piss. He drinks it, he swishes it around, and he spits it out. It's a full-on fucking piss jug. That's that guy's sipping, dude. Actually, he's not even sipping, dude. He's chugging it. Yeah, it's the sport.

He likes the sound. He likes the sound more than the taste. Yeah, he's got a Looney Tunes fetish. He likes the sound of the piss. It only can be pissed, though. He figures it's the cheapest way to fill such a vast container. I got to send it through the mail. I don't know you could do that.

I'm going to send all kinds of piss through the mail now. I thought you can't. I'm going to screw on the arrowhead during the elections. Every election now, I'm sending piss through the mail. Like gallons of piss, cans of piss, mason jars of piss, really thin glass bottles of piss. It's legal. If I'm doing it for this, then why not? Man.

It's my right. Is it American? If I come in next week and you have a cannery down here, we're putting fucking labels, sticker labels on everything. I'm going to take a picture of the studio and print it out. really big so my wife can't see that I'm in here bottling piss up that I can send through the mail Howard Hughes maxing dude that was that his what's that what he was doing

he was storing it up to then send it out because you got to figure he's just storing it up if they see if the postman sees one thing of piss he'll be careful with it right the risk of messing up is very low but if he sees 300 bottles of piss on the same

day he's going to fuck one up and he's going to get piss all over himself correct me if I'm wrong but like A horror story would be finding, like, one bottle of piss, but like a terror story would be not knowing how many bottles of this. One bottle of piss is gross. Yeah. Like 50 is an episode is a TV show. Yeah.

Too much piss. Dude. I'm just going to go. I'm going to pop open the shit pit and the runage, the piss pit. I got a shit pit in a piss pit. You got to get one of those oil separating ladles like they do for Chinese food? for olive oil. Yeah, so where you dip it in and all the piss runs in, but it leaves all the shit out.

It's too deep. Well, it's only piss. It's only piss in the one tank. I'm going to set up like a bucket system, like in the medieval times. Cool. So I can lower it down and then it'll go like, rewre, rewere. Like a well. Yeah, a well.

I'm going to put a well down there. Do like a neighborhood well, right? Like how you have all the neighborhood libraries, everyone is going to get a bucket thinking it's going to go, ah, it's pissed. I'm going to put a hose in front of the house. A tap, a gasket, right? of pressure, exactly like a water hose. So when the fucking

bums comes around, there's some bitch that looks like the ring that digs through everybody's fucking trash can. Always spooking people. Because she digs through the trash, she takes through the garbage, and you go, hey, hey! And she pops up, and her hair is black. I think she's Korean. Her hair is

black and goes down over her face. She looks like the fucking ring. I hate her. I also hate her now. I fucking hate her, man. You can't tell which side is the back or the front because I want to walk up and punch her, right? right in the back of her head. Yeah. You know, but I don't know which side is the back in the front.

Right. I'm going to rig up a hose out there so that when these bums come, they get a full shot of pressurized piss. Dude. Piss master. You could just dump in like a can of yeast every so often. So it starts building that pressure in there. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. You know, every so often. Then when they come up, you know, they think they're going to get some fresh water. realize they're going to let off a little steam. Is that legal? Can I do that? I don't know. I could ask Nick Ricada.

Well, I don't know if that would help at all, but... He got a... He was in court. He was calling Aaron Imholt his boyfriend the whole time in court. Or his ex-boyfriend, I guess, is a strategy to, like, say that this is a... That he could say whatever you want, because it's like a... I mean, I assume that he's doing it for a reason. I don't know if the reason is good. but I'm just saying that there's at least a reason.

There's a reason. He wouldn't just do that. Maybe he got hit in the head really hard. He'd have to be hit in the head pretty hard. Well, look, there's also a reason I'm taking apart this microwave. You see, I'm going to fix it up. I'm going to resell it. It's going to be great.

Perhaps a plan B. Legal strategy. I'm trying to get the, it's got to be a funny transcript because he just doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't give a fuck about any of it anymore. He's like openly insulting the general. The judge. Man. Because he got, the judge, I think, the judge was telling Nick that he had no reason to be at his wife's revenge porn trial.

Like, of all the things, of all the things that Nick shouldn't have done, that was the one, that's not one of them. Well, you, you weren't, I'm not supposed to show up at my wife's revenge porn trial. I'm supposed to show up when it's at her taking groceries out of the car. What are you talking about? Revenge porn trial. That's a definitely you should be showing up for. The revenge porn trial. You fucking idiot judge?

What are you talking about? Nothing makes any fucking sense anymore, dude. I'm going to give him a fresh serving of piss. I'm going to mail him some piss. Whoops, I got my lab mixed up. I got my labs mixed up. I meant to send you a bunch cake for Christmas. And I sent you a big...

The labels got mixed up at my house and I sent you my piss sample. Whoopsies. I sent you a butt cake. I sent you a butt cake. You can't, you probably can't mail shit through the post office. You can. No way. There's that service where you could mail buckets of guerrilla shit to people.

Excuse me? You never seen that? That's been around forever. Buckets of guerrilla shit? Yeah, you get like a, it's like a five-gallon white label bucket, and then you can choose what kind of shit and where? What? With animals? Yeah.

Hmm If I code that Put that in your fucking Talk about some fucking shit branded poop right there, man It's 10 years of podcasting today I've finally refined it down to what everyone wants to talk about Poop piss in the mail Idiot judges

Idiot government More poop stuff Like little noises Yeah Dude And then huge tits Let's talk about some huge tits And a big ass

Talk about that in a little bit too That covers all the bases. Ten years. Can you believe that? What have I learned? Ten years. Man. You're the only one left, Johnny. That's so crazy. Uh, man. Ten fucking years. What have you learned in ten years? Nothing ever happens. If you think it happens, it doesn't. Yeah. Man, you see this Spencer Pratt shit. I thought they were gonna, I thought. I thought they were gonna, I don't know why I thought. I thought they were gonna, I don't know why I thought. they would do this. I thought they would do the fake ballots so that both Bass, Karen Bass

and Salami, Rama Salami, whatever the Indian bitch's name is. I thought they would give them both ballots that came in after the election, but it's just Ramah Salami. It's just the Indian bitch that's getting the ballots. Like, let me

read it here. Before the election day, Bass was getting 40% and Rahman was getting 20 and now after ballots that arrive after election day she's getting 40 and

Mass is getting 35 and Pras getting 20 I thought it would fake it for both of them not just so blatantly for one. Right. Make it a little less obvious. Make it a little less obvious, yeah.

Or don't. Or don't. Because the feature of the system is that morons will Morons will figure out any way to convince you via themselves that they are not getting fucked over in any way. So there's no point. There's no point to cover up your crimes.

Even if the criminals knew what they were doing is stupid, hey, let's deliver a bunch of ballots that are just statistically way different than what they were coming in. Let's just cram. Let's pack the box for the third place person. and fuck the other two. Totally, totally off-kilter. You would say, if you're a criminal, like,

you gotta make it look natural, you know? You can't just do that. But that's stupid, because it doesn't matter if it looks natural. It doesn't matter if it looks obvious. People will bend over backwards to convince themselves that no way are they getting fucked. No way is this, no way is this obviously fraud. No way are we obviously getting fucked over somehow.

No way are the people who are stealing billions of dollars on their homeless fucking, fucking charities, and Medicare charity scams. No way that they're also cheating at voting. No way, because that would mean I'm stupid and a cuck. And I'm not stupid in a cuck. Well, Dixie, the thing is this is why it's on young people to get out there and go vote.

Yeah, you really got it. The reasons I am seeing for how this obviously fake vote drop is somehow plausible are totally assinine from adult men. Well, you know what it is is, um, actually see people, uh, people, they want to change. And they don't like Spencer Pratt. Yeah, then the ones that arrive, the ballots that arrived first would also show that. They would all show the same thing. That's like how it works. That's how polling works.

That's how voting works. Actually, fuck head, because it's representative of everyone. It doesn't suddenly swing and sway. That's how the whole thing is supposed to work. You shit-headed, idiot. You're just mad because you guys losing. Yeah. my guy's been losing

is me, my whole life. My guy is all, and they do the same thing. I see this, I saw this so many times this week. Well, we wouldn't, Spencer Pratt wouldn't have this happening

if he just bought home insurance. We can't. You can't. We can't buy home insurance, you fucking idiots. Because we live in a fire cyclone. And they make it worse. The people in charge make it worse

on purpose. To kill everyone and take their stuff. Every time. Every fucking time. You're right. My guy is. losing me he's been losing forever he's been losing since the day he was born my guy is my bank account my guy's my fucking bank account perhaps you've heard of him his name's charles schwab

getting raped yet again by some fucking com oh all the all the and then i looked i looked more and it's like it's not even illegal because the law says you know the law says like the law is basically like don't cheat. Like the voting law in California is you can show up, don't have to give any ID, just give your name, and then they automatically send everyone who registers. Anyone whose names registered, they're not reflected in anywhere, anywhere

a ballot. Automatically, they mail you a ballot. That part's like 2020 thing. So they got a bunch of homeless. As if the homeless could do, you know, the one thing that the homeless could do. The one thing. We got to out homeless them or something. You've got free whores, free liquor, free

fentanyl. All you can fent. We got to get that guy back stealing their identities again. That guy was a genius. He's got to start doing all that for voting. Yeah, man. Can you go do that for voting? They don't even need names. It's like slippery peats.

Slippery Pete 2. You don't even need it. They just go fill it out. Slippery Pete 2, 2. Slippery Peter Ness. Sonsorough is a kid, cat. Mr. Peter Ness. It's such fucking bullshit.

I thought the fraud would be a little bit less obvious, but it's not. Yeah, it's like, oh, cool, this is out of 2 billion people voting in L.A. That's cool. That's crazy that it just swung. It's crazy that it swung so perfectly in the direction that you guys needed so that we didn't have a shot in hell to fix anything and not live in. Guess we'll just vote our way out of it. Maybe next time. Maybe fucking next time.

I forgot to play the theme song. Randy said I played it twice last week. Is that true? I don't recall He doesn't know what he's talking about He's always listening to two weeks behind anyway Yeah Welcome to Dick

You want Dick, you do, Dick, you love Dick God, it's the show where it's a contest coming You live from Mountain Bunker Deep in the hardest city of failure I'm your host Big Masters and joining me, he's always Johnny the audio engineer What's happened, man? Happy 10 years Thanks 6-7 was our first show

Wow 6-7 How about that? Before it was cool Invested in that stock early. Six, seven? Call that shot fucking ten years ago.

I gotta get the good memes from the kids. Dude, they're saying, you know, check this out. It's been bugging me. This little factoid, this little oddity has been vexing me

for about ten years ever since I moved into this house. These two fat women. Oh, he's on the hill. You know that. I almost run them over every time I They take up the whole fucking street

One takes the sidewalk and one takes the street Well there is no sidewalk which makes it More difficult for them It's like if you've ever seen videos of like a Peruvian Double Decker bus drivers Yeah it's kind of like that Yeah them too Yeah watching these two oversized buses

Navigate the It's like that death that death cliff in Bolivia where people have to drive Yeah that's That's the one. And we're importing those people that think that's awesome. Why don't you guys fly in some white people here to fix this thing? Dude.

This death road. I have the same question you do about those fat bitches is... Why are they losing weight? They've been walking for 10 years. Why are they losing any fucking weight, right? They look the same. They look exactly the same. Not bigger, not smaller.

Exactly the fucking same. You know, I found out. They live right around the corner. I'm seeing them walk about 100 yards every day. That makes sense. Ha ha. I fucking got you. Yeah, because I'm like, there's no fucking way.

No way. I wouldn't even walk from the bottom to the top of this hill, namely because it's so fucking dangerous. Yeah. But too, it's like, a lot of women. It's going to take you at least a half hour. It's a fucking, it's a real hike. Yeah.

Yeah. Aren't you guys losing any weight? I see you every day. That's why. They live right around the corner. They're fucking faky cake in it, dude. I saw them coming out of their house, and I was like, aha! I nudge my wife.

Check it out. Fucking dose conchoss over there. Tortoise. The tortoise are alive. The tortoise live. Well, I'm sure you could have guessed from the beige and the white altamas parked out front. That are like this, where they're tilting the suspensions busted on the left? Yeah.

Each car has one mirror between the two of them. A bunch of cosmetics products in the passenger seat. Oh, the back seats are just all fast food wrappers, man. Spencer Pratt's going to lose, man. We're fucked again. Ficked again. Curses fucking foiled again, man. Foiled again.

Foyled again. God damn it. I thought we really had this one. we didn't we got robbed again you know what dude we got robbed with something else too you know how i was excited for white boy summer it's canceled it's indian bitch summer now that's terrible don't ever why would you say anything like that to me that i'm fucking she was crying that slump the nithia ramen was crying and i saw someone say like oh you know it's it's just uh i'm I don't support her politically, but I, uh, you hate to see, you know, she ran a good.

And I was like, you are, I hate you more than her. You're the traitor. You're the fucking traitor. If I had, if I could only hang one of you, it would be you first. You are a fucking traitor. How do we, how do we rise above this, Johnny? How do we rise above this compulsion? This compulsion towards virtue.

Every single fucking one of them. A compulsion towards virtue. It's sickening. It's infuriating. It's sickening. It sickens me to my. My core. Makes me fucking sick.

Makes me fucking sick. Well, dude, you know what else makes me fucking sick that I experienced for the first time today and went, uh-oh. Like, how do we combat this? What is it? Dude, I'm sitting at the traffic light. Fucking boomer shows up on his big ass fucking Honda gold wing fucking motorcycle. Man, do they still make those? I think so, dude.

Wow. It's like a fucking lawn dart. Yeah. A gold wing? A fucking gold. How many do they sell a year? Three. Three thousand.

dude, I'm like, how the fuck? The RV, two-wheeled RV? Yeah. God, I hate that motorcycle. You know how when you hear someone on the phone in their car and all you hear and it's loud as fuck and then you hear silence and it's like, man,

you don't have to be on the fucking phone. You have to have your speakers up that loud. Why do you have your phone turned up that? Just put AirPods in. Yeah. Everyone hates the car phone speaker connection. It's awful. And then so this new one was bestowed upon me.

Is there's a boomer with his speakers listening to fucking Steely Dan pulling up all out of his fuck I knew it. Dude, which I didn't want it to be but it was. And then he's talking

on a little Bluetooth headset. Yeah. But the call is coming out of the speakers. And so everyone in fucking traffic is hearing about... He doesn't even know probably. He doesn't know.

As long as he's hearing it, that's all that matters. And I went... He's having a conference call on a motorcycle? He's talking to his wife about fucking what he needs from a grocery store.

Oh, God. And I'm watching other people around me Like what the fuck? Like and it's just like how do you You can't combat boomer ignorance like that dude He's hearing it As far as he's concerned It's in his helmet

Like He's hearing it through the helmet He's hearing it through He's hearing it from every direction All at once It's so fucking loud But that I haven't seen a gold wing in so long

Dude I was kind of impressed That it was still work But I was like dude Yeah it's all chipped up probably You gotta be fucking kidding. Dude, it's like bowling, that candy coat, like bowling ball paint. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe I love that motorcycle again.

I don't know. There's no way in fuck you could get it up this hill. You don't have to go back way. Like you're moving in all over. No gold wings. Get the fuck out of here. Take your gay bike and get out of here. Dude, it's just, I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me though, man.

I was like, I hear you talking to your wife over my music. I don't want to hear you talking to. your wife ever. I was like, my windows are rolled up. Because the thing, if someone's like, at least if someone's listening to music loud in their car and they got the windows rolled up, I'm like, at least you know, right? Yeah. I mean, I can still hear it clear as day, but yeah.

Fucking that shit, man, I was like, I just want to fucking, I just want to roll my window down. I'm like, hey, shut the fuck. Shut the fuck up. Shut your wife up. Yeah. Take it off your speakers, you idiot. Now, everyone hates your bitch wife. and everyone hates you too.

Why has everything got to be a conversation with them? I don't know. That's all I've learned in 10 years is that I hate people more and more and more and more and more. My wife was telling me something the other day, and then she stopped in the middle and said, oh, you're busy. I'll tell you later. And I said, what was that? How did that happen? Can you bottle that?

Put it in a mass produce it? The problem is, though, Dick? Yeah. It seems like progress. Yeah, it did. But it's the opposite direction because your time is already, you've already been interrupted. Well, yeah, but, you know, I take what I can get, okay? After.

You're at that point. Look, Johnny, do I want to sign the sterilization consent form? Do I want to, would I rather sign a no babies form? Yes. But, you know, this is what I get. This is what's in front of me. Sterilization form. Jesus.

I have to read it because it might be a chop your penis off for them. Do I got to write on my dick Do not chop off? Except I better write it down. I better write it down when I'm flaccid or else the do not part will shrink and go away. This is do chop off?

Yeah. What if my penis because it's cold in hospitals. So what if my penis were to shrink? I'll have to write it on my stomach. Do not chop off. But then they'll think that's my stomach and they'll chop off everything that I got to talk to all these guys before I go in there.

What you've got to do is get like a stick on, like, you know how at the bank they have the little pens and a little chain? Yeah. You do that with a magnifying glass and the one with tweezers so they know where. What are you saying? Oh, well, I'm saying that's how I survive all my hospital visits is that they know. They're like, oh, here it is. I'll put that alone. I'll take those beads from the bank and I'll put them down my penis so they can't chop it off because the scissors will get caught.

They'll pull you like a fucking weed whacker. They'll go like, oh, what the hell? We can't chop. I thought this was the sex change. Oh, I thought this fat retard one of sex change, like all the other ones? It's like inverse chain mail. He looks like all the pre-trans people. Disgusting.

Are you sure that he doesn't want his wiener chopped off? Read his chart. I don't have time for that. Let chat GPT read it. They look at your last shower date. No, my hair is not stringy enough to be trans. Dude, I just, that somehow gave me this visual of like. Like, come on, man.

Like, trying to be ladylike, but still eating, like, major pain. You know that scene where he's at the club? Yeah, and he just eats the whole plate of food in, like, fucking 10 seconds. I had a pog of that. It was like the holographic one you could do? Oh, yeah, it was a good pog. Man. That was a good pog.

That's about how fast he ate it, too. Influencer Gubble, abortes, down syndrome. Baby, let me check this out. It's making everyone upset. Because it's totally fucking retarded. So, of course, it would make everyone upset. Totally fucking stupid. The baby or the premise?

Effects nobody. Oh, yeah. You know? The premise. The effects no. Absolutely. Nobody, nobody gives a fuck. I got bad news.

There's an alien planet where they're all boarding babies. They're boarding retarded babies right now. Uh-oh. They're actually boarding all the good babies and leaving all the retarded ones behind. They're boarding the good ones. They probably like that more, though. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, they do. It's so easy to virtue signal about retarded baby getting born. Right? Because they're like, actually killing babies is great. Like, okay, cool, I'm going to kill my retarded baby. Like, ah, that's bad. You take care of this. We need more retarded babies or else the Chinese are going to beat us.

Oh, I thought you were going to say eat them. But yeah, that too. I think it's fake. I honestly think it's fake. I hope it's fake. That would be hilarious if this guy just should have fake. Fucking making everyone lose their minds for no reason. Yeah.

I think he posted a book report about it. Like, what is this, man? What the hell? This looks like an I drank too much email. I drank, sorry I drank too much last night email. That you'd send in your 30s. Obviously, I don't send these anymore. This week, my wife and I made the very difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy due to Trisomy 21.

Sounds like a Baskin-Robbins. Ice cream store. Yeah. You know, I picked up a pint of ice cream there the other day that ran me 23 bucks, man. What? Trisonomy 21. Maybe you got the Trisonomy 21. Yeah, I had like peanut butter and honeycomb and all sorts of the retardant chin and it was crazy.

I mean, I don't know. Is this test accurate? I don't. That would be funny. I kind of doubt it. I don't, I mean, I know, like, I'm sending my piss through the mail. I'm going to the doctor and worried that they're going to chop my penis off. I kind of doubt that this test is that accurate, but whatever.

I just like. So the response to this is people posting, like, retarded people having fun. And like, how could you kill? How could you end this? Like, you know, retarded people, like, riding a tractor and stuff. Cue up the Sarah McLaughlin music, dude. I can't even, I don't know what they think that they're missing out on.

Because there's not a retarded person, that's all. What they're missing out on is wondering what's going to happen when you die before your kid and who's going to take care of them and the world. Are they worried that they're going to start getting aborted because they're close to being retarded? That's what's got to be You feel like you've got to win some battles before the retarded one

It's hard Well it's like The thing that sucks right Is it's all well and good when you see Like one slice of like yeah I watched I watched a thousand cherry-picked videos Of a Down syndrome guy

Like happy and having a good time Okay But it's like Like, dude, you got to, like, it's a lot of fucking work, man. What if it makes you not able to tweet anymore, raising his retarded kid? Then it would, then what do you think? I think it makes you a retarded kid, yeah. But no, it's just like, like, I've had friends and people who have been caretakers for, you know, some of these people.

And they're like, fucking nightmare, man. It's a fucking nightmare. Dude, I watched the light leave a couple of our friends eyes. Oh, man. Like, that is just like, bro. and it's you know again it's like we all we're all riding our own horses and whatever and fucking all that shit but it's like man it's like if you're if you're in a position in your life where like even just having like a normal healthy kid it's still a lot of fucking strain yeah you know like if you're trying to if you and your wife or whatever trying to work trying to like support everything going on and then you have this thing that now requires you to start taking time off work yeah and it never gets any It never gets any better. Never.

Never. Never. And now you have created this thing for yourself, which is like... It's like, okay, if you want to do it great, but not everyone wants to do that. For some... It's not really... Some people... Why are you so offended by that?

Right. Some people, that's their prerogative to take it on, but it's like for your average person. It's like... Again, just as you've seen, having a normal kid is a lot of fucking work, dude. Like, having a normal kid or having a kid for the next, you know, 40, 50 years, dude, that's... not. No. I'm like, okay, I could do 18 more of these.

That wasn't so bad. Yeah, dude, you're going to be in your 80s wife and your kid's ass, man. He's got fucking down syndrome. You know, and it's like, again, totally understand how some people that's in their hearts. Me, I don't think I have that well. That's kind of one of those like, yeah, yeah.

Even if you're super pro-life, you've got to be like, oh, yeah. I get it. Like, hey, what if we took your standard of living and all the comfort that you're tweeting this from? Yeah. And it just totally upended it. Totally destroyed it.

Well, dude, like, I see a lot of, like, I never bring them in because I think it's a little too fucked to bring in. But, like, those parents with, like, autistic kids who are in their, like, mid-20s. And it's like, like, they live in, like, a padded room and have, like, a big swing hanging from the ceiling. And they just, like, fly around like Superman all day. And are just, like, if you, like, look at them wrong, they start getting fucked. fucking fine it's like they start screaming so you can't control that it's like now you went from

being just like a normal dental assistant to like now you live in fear you can't get any work like you can't do anything anymore you got to out retard them by letting them come to term and then going hey everyone please feel sorry for me just turn them loose look at the same out and turn them out and do them loose in the world I guess well it's crazy because like then you find like this whole subcommittee of people who are like yeah I also have have like a seven foot tall, like, violently autistic kid, and I don't know what to do with him either. And it's like, then you have all these people who feel isolated because they don't know what to do. They got to go live in like a special town.

Dude, it's crazy. Or something. Yeah. What are they supposed to do? Well, that's the thing. It's like, I do somebody that had a retarded kid and it was still looked up. Dude, it's not, it's not for the faint of heart. And even people that have been through shit in life go through that and they're like, man.

They were, like, dealing with it fine. I don't, I don't know how. I guess you need God at that point. I'm not going through that shit without God. It's like being Spongebob when they get sunbleached, right? It's like you reach that point where you've like endured so much torment. Yeah. But you're just like, that's it.

That's it. Whatever. God take me now type shit. Okay, here's, um, what is this site? You know what ultimately it is is people just love telling other people what to do, man? Yeah, they really do. you can keep them going new shit, new shit, new shit,

new shit reaction. It's like life's like a, it's like a never-ending movie previews now. Like you never see the movie, preview, preview, preview, preview, and you get real upset or hyped up or, you know, you get really strong emotions and then it's on

to the next preview and the movie never comes out. That's all it is. It's just one, Fucking preview after the next. Bullshit. How about this retarded baby getting bored to? Oh, man. Yeah.

They did it. How about it? Relax. Here's it. New York's going to outlaw cigarettes? Did you read this right? If it becomes law, anyone in New York, currently younger than 21, will never be legally permitted to purchase cigars or any tobacco product.

Even when they turn 21, they're making fucking cigarettes illegal? Fuck. I thought we were getting better. I thought cocaine would be illegal in my lifetime, and now cigarettes are not going to be illegal? Fuck. Ever? Ever?

They're going to illegalize that shit. Man. Wow. Then they're coming for sugar next. Really, you know, as the expression goes, man. Smoking them if you got them. They got to make a cigarette that doesn't smell.

That's the only reason they get all this shit through because women hate the smell of cigarettes. They think it's like, poisoning them. The whole secondhand smoke thing made women think that like give them, give them carte blanche to be raging cunts about the smell of cigarette smoke.

They're getting poisoned. Sitting in traffic for hours a day is much worse than Yeah, driving to Target. Yeah. Count of all the drives to Target, every drive to Target is a cigarette. Enjoy. This 10 cigarettes. Yeah, is that right?

If this becomes law, no one will be able to smoke. You know what it is, man, is, right? Hear me out on this. Is people who don't like cigarettes aren't smoking them. Well, people who don't like cigarettes are because they're not smoking them. Yeah. They're just mad because, like, when you light what up to yourself. Yeah.

That's great, man. It's great. Smells good, tastes good. To everyone else, they hate it. It's like whistling. It's like whistling, dude. Yeah, you love it. It's fun as shit.

Dude. And then. And everyone hates it. Because women stop. smoking, right? So we have to get women, we got to get women back into smoking and then when they're like actually shrink them down. So it'll

bring that and then they'll be like, wait, no, smoking does totally not smell at all because I'm smoking a cigarette so let's bring it back. I can't yeah, I'm not the asshole. Yeah. Yeah. You just got to start there, dude. If women are the reason we can't have them, we have to figure out of make them

the reason we can't have them. Oh yeah, no one will be able to buy cigars, cigarettes ever. Oh no That's so fucking crazy Oh my God I can't imagine what I guess when was like When was weed made illegal

Was it already illegal During Reefer Madness Or was that part of a Propaganda to get it illegalized You know Same same question about like Cocaine and LSD Because LSD was created and it wasn't

Illegal right away right This guy's like yeah It's like a little tiny drop of chemical Makes you feel great for hours The whole day. The whole fucking day. We better illegalize that. Why?

We better criminalize that. Why the fuck would you do that? It's got to be bad. It's got to be bad. Because anything good, you can never break that short circuit in people that anything good must be bad. Right. Like they can't enjoy anything good or conceptualize anything good that's just good.

Well, weed was a lot cooler when it was illegal. Yeah. But. It's become annoying. It's become very annoying. It's annoying for me. I'm like, I don't want to see all this weed shit everywhere. I just want to fucking smoke it and get on with my day, man.

Yeah, the problem is they turn into such little martyrs because it's still illegal. It's still illegal somewhere. So you can't, they always have that to go back on. Like, the weed people, because it's illegal federally or because it's illegal in Saudi Arabia or something, if you say, hey, you're a huge fucking asshole when you're high. Like, well, it's legal. now. Yeah, many things are legal.

But you're still fucking asshole. Yeah. Yeah, it's that martyrdom that I really hate, dude. It's still in them. I'm like, that's cool, man. I'm just an addict. Like, I don't care about, like, what you think, how good you think it is for the planet or whatever.

Is the Muslim doing this in New York? Is he making tobacco illegal? The latest proposal reflects a growing trend among legislative bodies around the world. This is living proof of how bad ideas spread. Yeah, by... Man. That is how bad idea is spread by saying banning tobacco forever. Yeah.

I thought Islam was okay with tobacco. I have a clip from an imam saying that it's sometimes okay to have anal sex with men. Let me see if I can... Let me see if I can find this. Is that why guys go to jail and come out Muslim? Yeah, they're just in there having anal sex, which is super cool. Well, that's the caveat. that's where the sometimes it's applicable, right?

Islam's so fucking dumb. Like, they're all just making the shit up off. Islam's run like a podcast. Like, all the guys, all the imams are just making shit up. They get a lot of questions. Like, Christianity gets questions like, you know, what can I, what's life about? Like, what's fulfillment? How can I forgive my wife and this stuff?

And imams, Muslim guys get questions like, when is it, is it okay to have anal sex if, like, if it's yourself, if you're cloned. If a law clones you, is it okay to fuck yourself in the ass? They get fucking stupid questions. It's stupid. Let me find it. It is run like a podcast, though. That's why you always see them standing out on the street corners in downtown.

Yeah, it is. Oh, yeah, here it is. Are you, Muslim, ask, can I practice gay anal sex to widen my ass for a bomb? Okay. Jesus. And why is their video production always so shitty? Hey man, that's a 240p for you. Is this?

Is this real? Let's see. Sheikhana, I rzoha, I want to commit a martyrdom operation. Here, I'll just read everything he's saying. One Wahhabi wrote, Dear Sheikh,

may Allah grant you martyrdom. And black-eyed, black-eyed virgins in paradise? You want to beat? I want to commit a martyrdom operation. He says, I turned to Sheikh Abdu Dima al-Kasib, who told me that they had invented a new and unprecedented

form of martyrdom operations, explosive capsules that are inserted into your anus. In order to train for this method of jihad, you must consent to being sodomized so that your anus becomes wider, wider, making room for the explosives. My question is whether I am permitted to allow one of the Mujahideen access

to my anus if my intentions are honorable. Great question. And the purpose is to train to jihad by widening my anus. In principle, he says Sodomis, I don't know why I thought this would be in English. However, Odd is more important than Islam. Huh.

So there you go. Can we use that? Can we use that on them? Sodominy is the only way to reach this pinnacle of Islam. Then do it. Go for it. He says, no. I bet you didn't know that.

Do you know? I bet you didn't know that. In the 10 years of the show, I learned something new today. It's not every day. You learn about jihad? I learned about it's totally okay to widen your anus for a bomb,

dude. Okay, here's a boomer chimping out. I'm going to play. Somebody sent him. Touched a boy. Teen boy. On a lake. Wow. Is he strangling it? He's killing him?

Was he holding him underwater? God damn. Wow. A boomer slapped a kid and then held him underwater. Oh, God. You see the sign? Can you read?

You didn't stop there one time. I have, if you, if you only stayed for a little while and did your thing, it's time to go. Let me have fun of my desk seat. No, go tickets to another lake, someplace else. Where do you live?

On Downey Street. You don't, where, and just go over to Downey. Go over there. Go over there. Where do you live? What number of the down you live on? I'll find out of your registration. Oh, my God.

All right. Oh, wow. That escalated quick, okay. Call the police again, that's all. Okay, are they gonna shoot me? You want me to shoot you? You want me to shoot you? Here he comes.

Oh, he's got the cargo shorts on. Come on, big boy. With a build like that, yeah. You're the one is that big monster. Damn. Damn. He attacks him. He attacks him.

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Christ, he's trying to kill him. He's trying to hold him under water. What a fucking lunatic. He should try to drown him all. Okay.

Hereby pulled him off. Complaining witness. All right, I don't know. He should have created, what, five new ghosts at the lake. That would have been crazy. That ghost maker. What is it with that build of man? That's the guy who's fucking ready to snap, dude.

you know how many times it's that like the top heavy build the big gut the big ass basketball gut the big gut and then the cargo shorts yeah dude

if you see cargo shorts coming your way and like a short haircut oh man the buzz cut you're about to get a fucking ass whooping you're about to get a drowning

mild waterboarding do something oh yeah do something I'm right here, do something. Those guys are, those guys always have high blood pressure. Yeah, I wonder why. Well, that's what I'm saying is they're itching. They're just itching for life.

Then they go wash sports and just yell their heads on. That's how they pull off steam, dude. Dude, again, that's how my friend's dad was yelling at the fucking, sports addiction is driving them nuts. Dude, when we were kids, he'd be yelling at the fucking TV. And it was like, yo, dude, like, does your dad know these guys? Like, why does he fucking, like, hate him so much, man.

Like, what, like, do they... Hey, man, is your dad, like, no? These guys? Yeah, like, does he own his team? Yeah, like, why? Like, what the fuck? Like, I just didn't get it. Yeah. Fast forward to recently, that myfair got heart problems. I'm watching this shit. And it's like, yeah, dude.

Oh, man. The camo shorts is, like, the green goblin mask, though. I have a pair in my closet waiting. Your camo shorts are calling to you. Put me on and go back down by the lake. Put me on. and go fucking fight with kids. Go enforce a few rules around here. Go tell people what they're doing isn't right.

Tell people. Go make claims to property that aren't yours. Fucking shit. Are you going to take that? Yeah. Are you going to take that? You're going to take that. There's my shorts talking to me again.

What that guy does is he beats you in the way he wants to beat his wife. Yeah. I can picture his wife too, you know? Yeah. Like you know exactly what she looks like. dumpy floral white pants white jeans

yeah and that's why you can't be fucking with these guys yeah you're right but he'll drown you yeah like you're not crazy than this guy this guy's real crazy he really means that

he really means that shit he really means that shit um okay let's see 90% of H1B workers have fraudulent documents and many are using fake degrees up to 90% of India's H-1B visa applications

contain fraudulent documentation according to Newsweek. Hmm. Is that really... I think you're missing the point. What is the... What is the gotcha there? What's the big...

Who gives a fuck if their documentation is correct? It's a same you're all scammers, yeah. The Mumbai gas station managerial certificate they got is fake? Wow. Well, that... I guess that's what white people need to hear. Well, this retarded certificate they had

that it allows them to come over and take your kids' jobs. It was actually fake. Oh, they're using a fake job-stealing certificate? That get rid of them. Don't they know how it works? We need a guy like that to start reading some of these. They really are, they really are as retarded as that guy, and you just have to figure out the right way to win.

worm tongue, like, whisper in their heads that somebody's breaking a rule. Because that kid was doing nothing, you know, sitting on a lake, whatever. It's not, you can be on a lake. Well, that kid was tight, getting his ass beat for the internet. He was getting drowned. That's fucking funny, dude. I mean, because you're right. The kid wasn't doing it.

He was just like, it's a fucking lake, dude. That sign doesn't mean anything. No, you fucked up buying a house on the lake thinking it was a private lake. It's the middle of the day, relax. It's a lake, dude. But you've got to be able to figure out the right thing to whisper to them so they think that it's something that affects them. They think it's funny when their kids get fucked over.

Right. You know? They think it's funny to drown someone's kid. That is funny. That's really funny. You got to figure out some way to convince the whisper in their ear like, hey, this is costing you something. He's like, how am I going to fucking show this asshole? I don't know.

Something with the NFL. We've got to find some way. Maybe the NFL will go. Like, hey, man, for every one of these guys you bring over, the Cowboys are going to lose another game. Yeah. People are absolutely the fuck not. We got to figure out some ways that H-1BVs is effect to the NFL and the consumption of football in a way that is negative for them. Let's just switch them all out to Indian guys.

Let's pass a law. That will. Let's pass a law for the NFL like. the Academy Awards where every team has to have like an Indian kicker. Yeah. I give. You know?

They made it a yard. Totally. Or all the refs have to be Indian. That's. That would work. Everyone, that's pissing me off. That's missing me off. And I hate sports.

Yeah. You know that he'd be like, oh, I didn't see anything. It's like, well. It would just all be bribes. Maybe they would like that, though. It's hard to tell what the boomers like. Yeah. They like a certain amount of crime.

They love mob movies. But they don't like breaking rules. Right. I don't know. Better minds to figure out. Reports that HMP... Reports from HMP Armley, which is a British prison,

indicate that Vikram Digua... Oh, yeah, that's pisses me on. off this one. The Vickram Digua, the murderer of Henry Noak has been attacked. Did you see that murder of Henry Noak? That's fucked, yeah.

That was fucked. Let me bring this up. Has been attacked. Vikram Digua. Yeah, this guy was attacked. They threw a mixture of sugar and boiling water

in his face, causing prison napalm causing severe burns because it sticks to you and burns uh that's great i mean it's great that he was napalmed in his face but uh it doesn't doesn't bring the kid back to life the crazy thing about so this so i guess seeks you know when you take your when you take when you when you take your eye off what people are doing even for a moment um they start doing bullshit. They start pulling shit. And the Sikhs are no difference in anybody else.

They have some exception in the UK where they're allowed to carry around machetes as like a religious practice. Which is retarded. It's even it's death. It's way worse than just

carrying around a machete for fun. Carrying around for religious purposes is about a billion times worse than just carrying around to play with. Like if I had to pick between a guy carrying out of a big knife for fun versus a guy carrying around for his religion, I would pick the guy that's playing with knives

versus the one that believes in God that he's supposed to carry around a fucking machete. Yeah. Because he's going to use it. Yeah, because he might. I don't really control his connection to whoever he's carrying around that knife for. He does.

The guy playing with a for fun, I know I can get through to him like, hey, that's illegal. You know, you got to obey the law. The other guy, he's not dealing with this, not dealing with this world. And like usual, like usual, when any minority, well, I don't know, I think it's the Sikhs specifically. Like they have some, the Sikhs, the Sikhs are like the Alamo for boomers, for anti-racist boomers, where they think that that's like their ideal, they're idealized race, non-white race. non-white race.

So this guy killed somebody. This Sikh, and they just poured out of the woodwork saying, our Sikhs are, my friend.

No, they're not like this. They're not like this. They're not like this. Like, wow, you guys really, you really need, like, you really need this one to have worked, huh?

Every time a Sikh fucks up, runs a, runs a 18-wheeler through a family or something. Right. It's like the first thing everybody's got to know, the first blast that goes out is they're the best.

They're absolutely the best. Why I would let one marry my daughter. I wish I was a woman so I could fuck a, I could marry a Sikh. It's so fucking annoying. It's so fucking annoying that the first response to any kind of violence is this anti-racist shit. It makes me extremely racist.

Every time I fucking hear that shit, it makes me, I have no control over it. It's the advertising, and, you know, I'm being propagandized to in an anti-propaganda way. I have no control over it. I wish I wasn't, but it does. It has the effect. It backfires.

Like, if you tell me, your car is, you know, expensive. I think, whoa, I don't want that car. Yeah. If you're telling me, this shit, this anti-racist shit, I have no control over it. So he got a bunch of... prison napalm thrown on him um that's good

it's good start yeah it's a good start it's good start at least he can still like live to see another day though yeah yeah and at least they were justified in throwing napalm at him yeah somebody had fun yeah I'm sure

they probably just napalmed him for like religious reasons actually probably had nothing to do with the dude I can't ever stop thinking about Jeffrey Dahmer getting killed with a weight set. Oh, he did? Yeah. How did you get killed? I think he got killed with the fucking, um, the barbell.

But the fucking... They just shoved it down on them or something? I think they's, I don't know. Well, see, that the thing is I don't know the specifics. I just know that he got killed with a weight set. Yeah. So trying to reimagine it in every different way. It's just like, like, every time someone dies in prison, I'm like, yeah, was it with like a weight?

Like, Uh, here's, here's what it is. Uh, here was the, here's the first thing I saw about it. Shagan sin,

obviously. The murder of Henry Noak is absolutely disgusting. I know Sikhs like myself and others are horrified. I don't even really. Why are you speaking up so loud? Yeah. Why is this, why is that your first priority?

Did you give any money to the, the family? Yeah. Are you just worried about like, looking good that's what all people want man it's to look good yeah they really don't give a fuck

about anyone but their but the perception of themselves some people trying to make this about kerpon what's kerpon that's a dagger thing that's the shit about carrying a knife around

oh yeah symbolism okay the kerpon is a sacred ceremonial sword or dagger mandated by the Sikh code of conduct to be worn by all initiated seeks. Okay, well then I hate

I hate what you're doing. I hate that you're doing it. I hate that it's important to you. I hate you. It's pretty simple. Hey, we'd like to do something like fucking retarded and gay. That's cool, right? No. Actually, I hate that. And fighting injustice by using

fucking EBT materials to sell for fucking four times the price at your liquor store? It symbolizes the duty to defend the oppressed, fight injustice, and maintain spiritual and moral strength. Okay, so make it legal for everyone to do it then. It's one of those it's one of the

five articles of faith, known as the five K's. Well, yeah, I mean, okay. That's two more than we have. Oh, there's five gay things? Whoa. Tell me more. Tell me

more about the gay. Tell me more about all your gay stuff. I'm so fucking endlessly fascinated, like I'm on the first date with a woman. I just love hearing about your fucking culture so much. Some people trying to make this about the Kirpon is scapegoating Sikhs. A reckless and reactive response. Why is it reckless? Sounds like a threat.

This is about youth violence, knife crimes, police standards. So he got stabbed, and then the police are basically laughing at him, and then they arrested him, and he bled out, this kid. yeah well I guess uh but that's my life man then I found out that shed the builder guy um the guy that that he shot was following him knew who he was oh and was so he was actually kind of minding his own business kind of kind of okay here's yeah here's uh here's uh Here's a stringy hair guy. Here's a Chinese robot fighting a kid.

You saw this one? Look at this one. The robot has a clown wig. The robot's dancing. I don't even know what he's trying to do. Look at his spin. Right in the stomach. Some guy in a mocap suit in a warehouse fucking probably a mile away.

It's just like, oh shit. Here's one. Can you hear that rumbling? It's an AC. Yeah, can you hear it a little bit? All right, I found out my son's My camera, baby camera Has been making this fucking clicking sound

Like all the time Shifting itself back and forth from night mode Just pisses me off. Dude. Yeah. Yeah, here it is, the rape meme. How your girlfriend looks at you when you ask her to block the guy who raped her in 2022?

Oh, man. How your girlfriend looks at you when you ask her to block the guy who raped her, in quotes, in 2022, and she's pouting. Like, she doesn't want to do it. That's the picture. I guess it's from a movie, I think, that picture of that girl. a lot of guys a lot of guys are responding to this

with some harrowing tales of their girlfriend who was raped I don't know if this was a big problem when I was whatever 20 seems to be a big problem now again it's a lot of marketing yeah is it

it's a lot of like Uber didn't exist at the time too that's true that's true there's a lot of less age bees at the time. That's true. You couldn't just like summon a woman over to your apartment.

When there was no social media. Oh yeah. It wasn't. Drink a little bit and be like, you know what? I was raped. Yeah, girls are tweeting bullshit too, right? Man, everybody's tweeting.

That's the whole reason that fucking platform exists. Yeah. And there's all kinds of the stories around this. are like, they're funny. I was talking to a girl a few years ago that told me that I was a friend

that, I told her a friend I knew had raped her. She said she didn't know that he was married at the time. I asked her why she never blocked him. She said he kept changing his phone number. Okay, right there. Right there, buddy.

That's your ticket out. That's your out. He kept changing his phone number to text you, really? Wow. At one point, we were about to have sex, but I stopped when I, noticed she was crying.

I felt bad for her and told her we could wait until she was fully healed emotionally. What would that look like? Are they recharge? Like, does the red goo go off of their faces when they're fully healed emotionally? Is that how it works? A little Doom Man picture? You know?

Got to plug them to the USBC port. Yeah. Is there a little light that goes on in their forehead when they're fully healed emotionally? What the fuck are you talking about? That would be the first woman. ever ever what those words what those words mean to you nothing nothing fully it's like you're it's like a computer's talking through him i'll wait to your you ever thought about about a man i'll wait till you're fully we've all adopted this female way of thinking about them that women have been

saying all these retarded concepts and we've all we've all internalized it even though it's even though you never say it about a man you're like, if you stop acting like stop acting like that. Sleep it off. Sleep it off. Go relax. Have a glass of water. Change your behavior immediately.

Quit acting like a bitch. Quit acting like that. Cut acting irrationally. Later we attended a party and she saw the same man there. I expected anger, discomfort or at least some tension. How do I reach these kids? Instead, she walked over, greeted him,

started smiling laughing and joking with him I was surprised because it wasn't the reaction I expected based on what she told me that experience made me question her story and wonder whether there was more to it than I knew after seeing how friendly they were with each other I left and blocked her later I found out that his wife had confronted and physically assaulted her after discovering their affair yeah okay so you learned so she got beat twice she got beat twice yeah fucking the same same guy. Wiley Dingus says Tyrone Akata

Warriors. Oh, about the half black, half Chinese guys. Oh, yeah. What was that that we were talking about? I forget the premise, but... I forget the premise, too. Madcock said he's going to try to call in today, but... Oh, awesome. If he got off of work early. Ugh. Hey, man. I'm sure you've heard it enough.

But I'm drunk with a girl that I got because of the nice shoes line. Thanks, man. Honestly, you've got me through my darkest times. Well, I could never hear it too much. My shoes is a great line. It's really the hardest thing to do. Start the conversation. And a way that puts you at an advantage. Everything else is easy.

You know how to lie. Everybody knows how to lie. But that one, you got to be good. You got to be good. Or not. Maybe she's stupid. You have to try. But that one line, probably.

Maybe that's the one that'll remember me for him. That guy with the nice shoes line? Yeah. Hey, it really worked. Good for you, man, but you didn't mention the size of a tits. Five points deducted from Griffindor. Dell says, does anyone know what may be of interest? that might have you want to call

into the show. I've been listening to the show since one of the first episodes. I enjoy the show. I never thought calling in with something I should do. But now I want to talk about my situation because it's entertaining. It's so far from normal that it's hard to believe. I already had done some interesting thing. Okay, I was in the Army. Then as a private volunteer, helped fight the Syrian Rebellion. 2011 and 2012.

Hmm. Helped fight the Syrian Rebellion? That's not the Bush War, dude. Come on. Which war was that? Bush? Rhodesian. Oh, yeah.

I don't know. Did you do anything funny there? Anyone could fight a rebellion. Yeah. But did anything happen? Would you be possibly handled for war crimes later on? Yeah. How funny is what you did.

Did you catch someone jerking off? Shot them? That's funny. That's funny. Did you trick it? Did you do candy gram for Mongo and then blow somebody else? up, that's funny. That is funny.

Yeah. What the fuck are they posting in there? Then it became a towboat steersman. Some may know what that is. I can guess. If I had to guess from how the English language works. Toeboat steermen. Toeboat steermann.

What do you think that? How do you think that is? I think he is a cow humanoid who drives a giant big toe around in the ocean. It's probably a very small boat. It's probably a typo.

Toy boat steer man. He's probably some sort of anthropomorphic. Fucking steamboat Willie over here. Whistling and fucking rubber hosing around. Then I moved to San Diego and married and married a person who's the best person I met in my entire life.

Bullshit. A person? Really? Okay. Not a bitch? A person? A man? You married a man potentially? A person, your partner? Uh, then encountered the dick show. Then it ruined that good life as I am who I am.

Oh, they broke up. That's why she was, yeah. Okay. She realized it was a toy boat and not a towboat. She realized he was some sort of a hybrid human. She's like, wait a second. Half of your steer, man. Uh, because I am who I am.

I was at my worst. Statistically was unpredictable. Statistically was predictable. Then, as I was trying to get my brain and heart back to functioning after my wonderful wife divorced me. Man, you got to get that, you're putting that pussy on a pedestal. Don't worry, there's about three billion

other wonderful wives out there for you. Wonderful wife, you mean bitch wife? Bitch-wife? Fuck her. Yeah. She don't want to fuck me anymore? Fuck her. That's what I say. Wonderful how? She doesn't want to fuck you anymore.

What else is there? Nothing. You could take the Russian approach to it. What's that? My Russian? friends he uh he's got a big scar on his face and he was telling me about it one day yeah so he made a axe when he was 16 and then uh later on his wife was in his mid 20 is at the time his wife um got an argument with him and took that axe he made and he tried chopped him in the fucking

face of it wow and he goes uh maybe i shouldn't have done such a good job making that fucking axe and he goes she was a real bitch though and then we start laughing and he goes he goes Sucked a mean dick I'll tell you that much And I was like man Even after she tried to chop you in the face With the axe you built with your own hands

Yeah because they're crazy Because we all know If a guy tried to chop my head off of an axe Like wow that's guys It means business What he does like yeah right Whatever Whatever

Period Probably in her period I'm like man he still found like the silver lining And all of that I'm like that's a good guy right there Suck to me and dick though Like, wow, huh. If she was serious, you would have chopped his penis off.

Yeah. That's how you know. I had a great girlfriend in San Diego and a great girlfriend in Temecula. Two girlfriends. Mr. Two girlfriends over here. Wow. And kept no secrets. They both knew of each other.

Mr. Big Retar. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

First guy's first day on the planet. Don't think. Don't endeavor to be honest with women. If you have no secrets with women, you fucked up. You fucked up big time. Don't brag about it. And nothing could possibly go wrong. Here's how it works with women, dog, is if you lie to them,

it's because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Yeah. If you tell the truth to them, it's also because you want to only hurt their feelings. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. But then if they find out you're lying to them, then that hurts their feelings as well. You should have hit it better. That's why you show up to your job interview, not sober, so that the whole time, right, they just think that's how you are. Similarly, I think that's how you talk. You don't, yeah. My name is Johnny the audio engineer. This is how I talk. But you don't be, don't give one, don't start putting truth pills out there. And then all of a sudden like, hey, wait a second, that isn't normally how you talk. What, do you want to be the same person?

Why do you want to tell them all this stuff? Yeah. This is how the problem is these new, these young kids out there, right? They never saw the, like, the devastating effects of a second family that got discovered. Oh, yeah. Or, like, yeah, my dad's just like a computer chip salesman and fucking, you know, he sells integrated circuits six months out of the year. And then he comes home with us and we see him for a few months. That's crazy.

crazy what you could do with a pension and a steady job market yeah man really but you got two bitches within driving decisions of each other

and you're telling us oh man why would you want this what are you doing LA to San Diego not even that far he's halfway oh

hello oh hello who is it who is that what's up what's up how's it going

what it is yeah Here he is. What the kids are saying now. They are, 6-7. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just wanted to call in and say congratulations to myself because I launched a wildly successful podcast 10 years ago. Of course, I do nothing to profit from it, but it was all my actions that created this great empire.

And I'm taking a lot of pride in that today in my alley. So fuck you, Dick and your big house and your wife and your child. and all the other good things in your life, that's all because of me. Yeah, it's true. My ass. It's true. Randy said I should try to call Maddox today.

Oh, that would be cool as shit, dude. No, man, he's, he's busy at the Magic to Gathering tournament at his local card store. We should show up to it. We should just drive down. What do you think about the Soul Ringers show? Oh, it's so good, man. It's so, like, natural and human.

two guys sitting shoulder to shoulder staring lifelessly into a camera talking about how much they love magic the gathering boy I bet they're just beating the pussy away with sticks you were talking about two families they got three or four families going on bitches love magic to gathering

I man I can't even argue with that why is that the next move Magic the Gathering podcast why do you think yeah have you seen his partner's other podcast?

It's huge. It's like he talks to his boomer parents about their crazy conservative beliefs, right? Yeah, he just shames his parents on the internet about, but he just him and his sister get on with their parents and they're like, all right, here's a news story where Trump's a piece of shit. What do you think about that,

dad? And dad's like, fuck you. That's what I think about it. And mom's like, come on now, we can all be friends. And then it's like, okay, that's that new story. Here's our next new story. Trump's a piece of shit, what you think about that? The same thing for an hour.

It's fucking crazy. I actually do that with his mom. Is she dead? Is she still alive? I don't know. God. She's in the house, right? He's running the hotel.

She's up there in the house, telling him what to do, of course. Oh, yeah. She's totally real, guys. What do you credit, Madcox, what do you credit your, what's the secret to your success? Congratulations on 10 years, you know. I think the thing to do is to find someone who's a lot more

charismatic and talented than you. Oh. And just kind of let them off the leash and then try and sue them for $20 million. You know, and I think if the lawsuit had really worked out, things would be a lot different for me. Yeah, probably. Yeah. For hundreds of millions of dollars.

Yeah. I would say so. I would also, I would also, fair warning to anyone, don't buy a dog bite lawyer. Buy like a slightly higher class of lawyer. A little bit better. Yeah. Maybe one with only one DUI instead of three or four. Okay.

He has a black girlfriend, though. Doesn't he land out? That's, I mean, that's... That is points in his favor for sure. You know, because I'm an anti-anty racist. You know, I'm very much against all of the anti-racism. Okay. Do you have a dog?

Do you also have a dog? Like the real addicts? No, I hate dogs. Dogs are stupid. Everybody who's a dog's a moron. Oh, yeah. Dogs are just like this fucking thing. that wanders around and you gotta feed it.

How fucking gay and dumb is that? Yeah. I think he... What am I? A cave man? I think he got one, though. I think the real Maddox ended up getting a dog. We saw on a bonus episode. You try to press the girl? I don't know.

He got some little dog, I think. That's the only reason why he'd ever have a dog. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, no, look, I'm a normal person. I'm a human. Look, I like dogs. And then when the girl's not around, he's like, you fucking stupid, you piece of shit!

It's his new accessory for when he goes down to the Glendale Galleria. Oh, he carries it around. He has to. Like dirty work? Oh, I was going to say dirty one. More McDonald. Oh, right. He carries the dog around.

I thought you were going to say, no, my. Are you have any regrets over 10 years, Mad Cucks? Oh, man. You know, I got so many regrets over 10 years. Yeah. I regret losing the love of my life. And then seeing her married to the person that I hate most in the world, I regret spending four years compiling screenshots of every post on the internet of someone calling me a loser.

What was it a fag and a cuck? What was your documentary called? I haven't looked at it in so long. I don't remember. It was something about that shit was crazy. This shit was crazy, dude. And then he doesn't even fucking mention Mad Cucks, the fucking bald piece of shit. I caused you unimaginable stress and I don't even get a shout out.

You got a damn video. That's true. Because he would have had to pretend it was serious to go along with the whole rest of the documentary. Oh, son of a bitch. I just don't fucking steamed up about that still. Unimaginable stretch. You sue me for millions of dollars and I don't even make it into your fucking Pepe Filme you

stringboard you motherfucker? Uh, yeah, it was plagiarist, and then Max Hedrum, and then he's got a bunch of like 20, 10K views on, okay, the rape list. Does he not have one giant

video anymore? No, it got taken down, because there was some footage, it got taken down. So there's like one segment that's no longer available, and the full thing. Like, when you're when your stalker comes. It was, it was like he was trying to make a fucking lifetime movie. He was trying to make a little reindeer.

It was stalking me and has now taken my identity on the internet. Like, what are you talking about, man? I can't believe that was, was that two years ago that that came out? Several years ago, yeah. Two and a half years ago? Yeah, here's, uh. It was, it was like three and four years of old screenshots that he was posting. It was just like, guy was just on Reddit, just like, up.

Control F Cuck All right There's done Control F F F bag Yep That's about me too

All right Let's screenshot this shit Right up I want to know What his What his screenshot process is Like does he have

Different folders You know it's got to be The most convoluted fucking thing Where he's like He hits print screen And then has to go Into paint

And control paste And then like Scroll around Or some shit Because he can't just install a soft where that saves your screenshots into a folder like a normal fucking person?

Wow, there's still people responding and editing their comments. What I gather from this series is that Maddox is a decent guy pretending to be an asshole and fanboy is an asshole pretending to be a decent guy. When have I pretended to be a decent guy?

Yeah, what? That guy doesn't got you at all. What an idiot. Maddox, I hope you and your kin are doing all right. his dad died. After. He's got anything. Fuck.

So his kin is not doing all right. He was driven into the ground. Does his family like talk to him at all? They can't, right? They have to find him completely intolerable. His family? Yeah. No, his mom is as insane as him.

And his half, his brother is also like a total fucking lunatic, like a weirdo that still lives at home. Very, very weird, very weird. This guy says, wow, this is wild. I was a fan of your early internet page,

but stop following your stuff a little after the biggest problem in the universe ended. It's crazy to hear this side of the story now. Nothing interesting there. Sorry that you're going through all this. I'll run into an older guy that, like, you know, 40s. He's like, yeah, man, I, you know, talking about old internet the way the internet would be,

and Maddox will come up and I'll be like, oh, yeah, yeah, Maddox sued me for, $380 million and like, what? Yeah, true story, bro. Get fucked. This is great. Christ, Christ, this is

revolting what these bastards have done. This video should come with a bucket for throwing up in. It's like KFC. Dude, you imagine the mentality of that person that typed that up. No stones.

I can't imagine anyone watched that that wasn't looking for their own name in it, right? Like, would anybody have watched that to be like, oh, Maddie? Oh, wow. What terrible thing happened to you in this fucking two-hour-long nightmare

fest? No, the other people are watching where people watch the dick show are like, like, fucking Azean Toids in your Discord is like, I was in it twice. That's what the people watch. Like, yes! Ah!

was so upset that they didn't get included in the lawsuit. They're like, this is another chance. Who knew that there was another chance to get included in something insane? I love the related video. Oil and Piped. The related video says, is

about being a gay male concubine in ancient Greece. And it says, oiled and piped, and it's pointing to a drawing of a guy getting raped. That's so fucking crazy. Oiled and pipes. That's some high-level autism in your viewers going in and watching the video and then immediately being like, huh, what if I can watch some like gay torture porn

and making the algorithm feed that to everyone who watches this? This guy says, I love that you call out all the people who fuck with you in exactly the way. Not all of them! Not all of them! Fucker? You think a guy leaving that comment had like a skull mask? and he fucking rides around on a motorcycle telling people to like oh nobody fuck with me

in exactly the way that's needed to fuck them right back in their face in a way that's undeniable man these people are fucking weird that guy wanted to say twatwafel he did he did there's an angry side to the quirk chungis that impotent rage man love all your content man

drama or otherwise Thanks for all the entertainment. See, Chungis would have drowned someone. Do you really love his content? I mean, come on. Look at this one. Man, you have completely lost it. This guy says, and he replied to it.

What the fuck! Kay, very insightful comment. Good job. God, he's so angry still. That's hilarious. Man, I was just about to say, if I was that angry, I think I'd lose all my hair. And then I realized.

Yeah. If I lost it, you mean Maddox has lost a bunch of toxic friends, then yeah. He's taken the proverbial metamusel and flushed out a lot of toxicity. He's taken the proverbial metamusal. That's a commenter with an age of about 67. Wow. Because the thing is, too, is there's no ancient Chinese proverbs about metamusal. It's a metaphor. It's the metaphoric metamusal, not the proverbial metamusal.

fucking retard. It says as I'm being a completely much now. I've had to take a metaphor for my diarrhea once or twice. I usually just squeeze as hard as I can. I try to speed run it. Imagine dedicating years of your life. This was during the banana dock era, right?

Yeah. He would get on the computer and he'd be writing his scripts and typing up his notes and editing together footage. And then he'd just start getting hammered drunk and just feeling bad about himself. And then he would pop on his Snapchat filter and go on there and go, oh,

banana, and that was his like unwinding from his fucking nightmare. From his insanity. And then from the insane stuff he was doing all day. Yeah. When you rewatch it, when you watch it again and with that in mind, it's sad almost,

but sad in a very like, I fucking hate you. And I laugh at all of your pain, get away. Yeah, it's definitely sad like that. One question I have for Maddox is, did these guys really start having these opinions and saying these awful things? The second they broke off contact with you,

I don't, I heck and don't know. I never listened to the show. What's he talking about? Awful opinions. It's Reddit. Most of the stream shots he has his Reddit. It got worse near the end of the podcast, although 80s girl probably had a lot.

to do with it. Oh, my wife. My wife had to do with people making fun of you? I don't think so. Oh, no, yeah. She has a newsletter. We're all subscribed. She tells us about George's weird mushroom shaped cock and gives us

like new and improved insults and how to... Yeah, she's a fucking mastermind. You don't get the handmade monthly zine, dude? Yeah, what are you an idiot? She had a lot to do. It got worse near the end of the podcast, although 80s girl probably had a lot to do with it. There were always signs, and I wish I had paid

closer attention to them. Oh yeah, he got that book about recognizing signs of something. Was it his diary? Yeah, it was like getting over an abusive X, a book for women that he bought. He talked about it on the interview with that weird, weird

weirdo map Dr. Joe guy. Dude, Mr. No Glove. Yeah. He definitely got worse over time. His Coke Adel brain got fried. My coke addled brain got fried. This is Maddox, a guy who could never get a math degree and spent

more time writing an instant messaging program than writing his book. Because he didn't Google Jira. Remember when he made a big deal about like when we were writing this book, I fucking, I wrote my own chat program. Yeah. Yeah. It was I am better than your kids.

He made a thing to share art back and forth. And it was like, so that wouldn't have to use an email, I guess. I don't know. Or like any project management app that exists. Like a zillion project management. Here's the project we're going to do. Now, let me go ahead and let's just not do that.

Let me code up a management around it that you guys have to use. Can you guys download more shit to your phone, please? Jesus Christ. I've got an idea. I've got an idea for what is a five-minute joke, but what if it was like 130 pages?

Watching this series just made me super bummed you've gone through all this. You actually seem like a funny and laidback guy. It's really sad to know. Does he? Does he? Because he's been... How can you possibly have that opinion? A funny and laidback guy gets called a cuck and a faggot on the internet. And you know what he does?

He goes, man, those guys are assholes. And then never thinks about it again. Never thinks about it again. I got into a fight on my personal Instagram account recently. which, you know, that goes really well these days. Yeah. But I called someone a harpy, and the replies kept tagging my younger sister and telling her to dump me.

And it was like, this guy's real problematic. You need to dump him immediately. And I was like, yeah, she does need to dump me because it is pretty fucked up. Like, what the fuck is the matter with you? Like you're so You're so They go for the weirdest things About about

Just one off comment That you went into my profile I don't even know Like I guess I don't know how they Attached the two of us together But they like Like oh

This must be his girlfriend This little game Let's be a twink girl It must be his His girlfriend And I'm gonna fucking tag this bitch And tell her what a piece of shit he is Like if she was

Even if she was my girlfriend, what's to say that she's not sitting there next to me going like, wow, these bitches are dumb. No, that's impossible. You know, that's impossible. You stupid, cunt. The fact, sinister puppy, the fact that this douche canoe. Twatwafel, dude. Even has a following as equally as shocking as the story being told. Yeah, it was really a shocking story.

Hard to wrap my head around. With bands become stalkers. this weekend on like time. This is genuinely unhinged. Every chapter gets crazier. I know it was really unhinged when Maddox went to the wrong courtroom. And then put that in the story for some reason. What a fucking idiot.

Why would that be, why was that relevant at all that you went to the wrong courthouse on the wrong day? Rapists always focus on rape. Okay. Cheaters always accuse others of cheating. Thieves are paranoid they're being stolen from. It's obvious when you think about it. But of course, if someone does a thing, they're going to be preoccupied with that thing.

Thieves are always thinking like thieves. Cheaters are always thinking like cheaters. It colors their perception of the world. And by extension, their reaction to it. That's what's important to take things like rapeless seriously, because I want to rape Miss Piggy. Have we updated that, guys? Chat, have we updated the rape list lately?

I haven't been paying attention. People don't think about rapists unless they're thinking about rape lists. That's a great point. Yeah, wow. That's very insightful. It's one of the smartest people on the internet. I know I never thought to put those two words together in that order before. Yeah, because it's like a made-up concept.

Yeah, usually I just list all the rapes that I've done. It's a list rapes, not rapists. Yeah. I find it hilarious that Dick will read these comments, calling him all sorts of names, something he wouldn't have to endure if he wasn't an obsessed stalker, but he can't help himself, LMAO.

It's hilarious. Okay, that's got to be facetious because what they're doing is they're pointing out what Maddox is doing. Oh, and then their name is Randy Bobandy, trailer park boys' reference. They are being sarcastic. Good call, Macs.

Yeah, they were, they're dodging underneath his, his sensor, not get deleted. But that, I mean, that's what, That's what Maddox did. He read all these insults about him because he's an obsessed stalker. Thieves are always thinking like thieves. Obsessed stalkers are always thinking like obsessed stalkers. Imagine scrolling through a barrage of insults just to find an occasional troll comment that you can at least tweet,

that you can tweet to get your mob excited. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Nailed it. Well. I'll never, I will never forget. you know, standing in front a sold out house of, you know,

400 people, 500 people, whatever that theater in Chicago held. Yeah. Reading Maddox's breakup letter and to thunderous applause. Like, that's got to be

on the list of things that are embarrassing in your life, a crowd of about 400 people giving a standing ovation to some moron college kid wearing a towel and a tower of paper crowns for reading the letter

you wrote your ex-girlfriend and making fun of you has got to be just one of the most disheartening sad things to ever happen to a human being. Was that in the video? Did he talk about that in the video? The letter reading?

No, he did not. He did not. I'm fucking persona non grotto over here. That's right. That's right. But it was, it was, it's like an amazing point in my, in my, My person, it's like a seesaw, right? In my life, it's one of the great highlights that I'll be like an old man, you know, living my glory days.

My grandchildren, I'm like, kids, let me tell you about the time when I was calling people cooks and faggots on the internet. I'm like, Grandpa, we don't give a shit about your stupid slurs. We got new slurs. We got new cool slurs. And I'll be remembering that. A tear in my eye, just, you know, fucking the audience went crazy. and then at the same time

you've got Maddox but definitely watch that and then it's just like festering with rage and shame and we're on opposite ends of the seesaw that was a good one thanks for doing that that was good

yeah fucking Asteroos all dressed up no it was it was it was your life coach all dressed up as a blues brother oh yeah because I told them it was literally to be the blues brothers and I didn't dress up it was so perfectly

I forgot that. That's good. Was Asteroos Adam Nash? Adam Panash? No, he was Crocodile done dude. Oh, that's right. God, that was funny.

Yeah. That was a good one. It was a good one. Yeah. All right, Madcox. Hey, when are we going to get other fucking Weight Watchers,

you fat, lazy pieces of shit? I got to do one of those soon, huh? Yeah, we do. I get a genie up. All right. Yeah. He keeps talking about it on his shows. God damn it.

And it's like, December was like, oh, yeah, we're going to have one in December or something. Yeah. January, no, February, no. All the other months, no. What if? I've let everyone down. You got to do a bonus episode, too. We do.

Yeah. Let's say MadCook. Get off your asses. The other most dehumanizing thing, I think we both got to see someone, or we both got to witness, rather, was that guy, we're staying outside of that corner store in Boston. And the guy pulls up with the fucking dash. full of scratched to lottery tickets.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And he, like, went in with his stack and came out with a new stack, like, this is going to be the one. He's going to be the one. Phone book size stack of scratchers. Like, dude, you need fucking help.

Yeah. You'd help scratching the lot. You know the right hundred numbers? They put on the end of the fan duel ads. Yeah. That's for you, my man. Tragic. Yeah.

Well, thanks for all your. comedy 10 years you're very very very welcome you're all welcome and that goes for everybody but I'm only thanking one all right take it easy don't get raped

yeah thank you see you all right everybody let's do some voicemails and after this thanks for listening for 10 years I don't know what we've learned don't take it too seriously yeah You can really get in over your head in this world.

Man. Don't let it get away from you. And it could always get worse. It will always get worse. I can. It will. Whatever, however bad you think it is, it's going to get worse. It's going to get worse.

And you can take peace in that. Yeah. Yeah. That's how good you have it. Remember that. Oh, is the theme song over? Shit, okay. Do do do.

Yo, Dick, Kevin the temporary audio engineer here. I had two things this week that makes me think it's going to be all right. All right. First thing first, I saw a pen that we flip it upside down

the clothes fall off the chick that is on it. That's pretty good. Big old fucking J-Cuts pipe frame. I was like, dude, I haven't seen one of the 12 fucking years, man.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Made my day. Nice. Second thing, got a promotion work, whatever. Great.

So I got to go up in the office now and I got to take an elevator every day. There's like five of them, two, five elevators. Every single one of them, you get in that elevator, you press that door closed button, man. Doesn't work. The door is closed. Oh, what? What?

Whatever, man. Dude, you get in any one of those elevators. I tested it, too, because I thought it was a fluke at first, you know, I didn't right. No, man, you get in there, you press the button, the door's closed instantly. No way. Dude, I didn't know they could fucking do that. Me either.

That button was connected to nothing. I thought it was illegal. I was looking up, seeing Rush tonight for tomorrow, whatever, seeing primus later. Dude, fucking, what was it? 1997? This is awesome. All right. It's too many good things.

All right. Fuck you. Bye. Thank you. Thank you. Congratulations on your elevator. Yeah. That's cool.

Dick, Johnny, how you doing podcast, Proff? Your Holy Spirit is speaking through me. Real quick, Johnny, you are right. I should stop trying to be a nice person because it's only to my own detriment. Correct. Anywhole, real quick story, a guy I used to know. One time he hadn't seen his girlfriend in a while. He was driving again.

He's just signaling again. You can't have like a straight stretch that you got. You got to have your blinker on while you're calling in. Being a good man, he goes down to take care of his lady. And you notice it kind of smells a little bit of weird kind of taste. But he's trucking through. He likes doing it. So he's an ancient one.

He's retelling us. He keeps going. And then he loses the galley rancher. in there and he fishes it out vagina the back of his mouth yeah and then it pops in his mouth turns out it was a like a gonorrhea like pushtool

or something like that I don't know exactly what is this what is this so he's saying that it's this old fucking like pre-reddit pre-internet thing oh this guy's going down on this chicken a stick so he throws a jolly rancher in there thinking that it's gonna fucking improve the situation it doesn't he's stout because he's like well whatever

I fucking just ate a jolly rancher anyway and she's like was like he eats it and then still like is going down on her and then finds the jolly ring or she like pops down and goes like i found the job this is it's a lead-up for a gross joke but it's just like it's so old kind of gonorrhea related joke okay thank you for the joke he could have just like got the same effect it'd be like you ever just bite into a hot dog and it's actually filled with pus yeah okay it's like okay great okay it's gross hey dick and johnny so uh My rage right now is people who just can't understand that you just want to be left alone. Like, I don't understand why it's so hard to call, like, for people of comprehend that you just want to be left alone sometimes. Other to be family or friends. It's like, man, I'm tired. I just want to be left alone.

Like, I get exhausted being around people. But, like, and then that's the thing. They'll try to guilt you or something. Yeah, because they want you to die. Like, oh, that's the flight. And it's like, man, like, why is it so hard for you to understand that? I just want to be left alone. They know.

They understand. Let's do a podcast and get high. I just want to be left to fuck alone. Like, I'm tired. Anyway, go fuck yourself. They're trying to kill you. That's why. They know.

Be the new intro for like a redone version of institutionalized. I just want to be left alone. Listen to my podcast and get high. I just want to Pepsi, my. I'm fucking. That's the hardest part about having a kid. Yeah. You never get to be alone again.

You don't. You don't. Dude, well, because here's the thing, too. You can, but you're burdening someone else who wants to be alone. Keep this shit 20 years from now. He'll be dead asleep and get a call. Hey, dad, I fucking just crash in a car an hour. You'll get some weird fucking, like, fringe, fucking, like, it's three in the morning,

and now I have to spring into action again. Yeah. Again. You're not, just because they turn 18. It doesn't mean you're, like, free now. You're like still. Oh, man. Like, you have to worry.

Like, dude, it's always something, man. Yeah. I remember being alone. My wife was at work. I was alone for eight hours a day. Being alone is so tight. I get exactly where this guy's coming from. When you are alone, you do whatever the fuck you want.

I had little boots. These boots that I put on, I hang upside down in the darkness. That's sick. Wrap a cape around myself. That's what I would do when my wife was working. that's tight yeah it was nice I would hook in and slumber I would call it slumbering slumbering is that's a good one you can slumber when the house is empty nobody fucking knocking things around dude you can coffee fucking shit with the door open you can piss

the door open you can do anything yeah the shitting with the door open's great man that makes me feel like the biggest white trash pop the window open dude ripping a fucking dart on the can is life's greatest pastimes, man. I got to find an outhouse. It's like a smoke a cigarette. I got to do it in the house. In the house. And then you ash in the toilet, too, and you just got to make sure you don't ash all of your balls.

All of my dick. Who cares about that? I don't need that anymore anyway. There you go. Are you talking about, like, suicidal ideation to your family? Because that's why. That's why they're probably. Just make shit up.

Make something up. I got to go. I gotta go to the doctor and go home, play video games. Just be like, you guys won't shut the fuck up so the only way is I can get any peace and quiet is if I'm alone. Yeah.

Don't forget, when you're alone too, that's your time to put on YouTube while you're playing a video game and you've got the radio go. Time really flies. That's when you got time to be overstimulated. Oh, man. To reach shame by family you see I was

on a mobile app. and I accidentally clicked view that on I can't hear that audio that guy scared the fuck out of me he called the right number shit dick

what the fuck man I've called him before you obviously didn't take my advice but here's my advice now you should listen to it okay okay all this

fucking storytelling shit about how you had a new baby and I'm sure you in your mind you thought it out like oh man this is great content this is another year of content for the show my wife is pregnant I'll have a kid people don't really like stories about you know the baby stage that's probably what he's going to build up to nobody gives a fucking shit about that the great thing about you and your stories was you never delved into your personal life you had little you know an antidotes

what are you talking about life what else is a story but nobody wants to hear your glimpse into one's personal life story about raising your fucking

kid from infant to whenever okay I think you're I'll go get in some more bar fights your fucking bridges I'll get into more bar

yeah I'll go I'll go I'll go get into some more altercations at the bar next nobody follows you

to hear that shit you know just blend it weave it in with this guy on his own podcast what's going on here? But nobody's interested and half your fucking audience

already has grown-ass kids you're like 50 years old and you have a fucking baby 43 get the fuck out of you he could have just like let in with that and then I'll hook up afterwards

piss me up and he's workshopping over and over again every fucking podcast you clear your fucking throat and you laugh like you're a fucking 85 year old with emphysema

like it's a buddy laugh yeah I still love you and I love Johnny thank you oh thank you yeah we also miss I wonder how he's doing this guy doesn't like

stories about personal life dude I gotta rage for you real quick okay you know what pisses you know what pisses me off more than anything in this whole world more than get my rims

scraped up more than anything is I got a fucking, you know, this nice built audio engineering desk with a very sharp corner. Normally never think about it. I was barefoot the other day working. I moved my foot and caught the corner of like right

under the ankle bone. Yeah. But here's the thing. I didn't dig so deep that I started bleeding everywhere. Just enough to scrape enough of the skin off to where you feel that like light layer burning. Yeah. And no matter what you do,

it fucking all you do is you're feeling that you put socks on your feeling shower you're sitting there air on it it just nothing you can do and it's like I would have rather had it dig all the way in take a little bit of fucking meat out

and just you know have a need for a band-aid have a need for like some liquid stitches something but that very superficial fucking now I'm walking around for the past fucking two weeks like I'm going to have to chop my whole foot off. That would hurt less. It doesn't even hurt. It's just fucking this

annoying stinging, right? And it's like, I'd rather be an actual pain than whatever this like, oh, it scratched my cheek too hard or like, I did something stupid like that. I kicked my weights, my dumbbells. Again? Yesterday. Oh, dude. My, this one was my fault. They were in the garage. I had to do a bunch of chores. And I was done with them too. You almost Jeffrey Dahmered yourself. You gotta watch over that waist. Oh, man. I felt so stupid.

Oh, no. It was some shitty toe. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I can't have a broken foot. No. Then I just sit around all night, cracked out, thinking my foot's broken. My wife's like, what's wrong with you?

Nothing, nothing. Nothing's wrong with me. I'm not saying my foot's broken. Dude, it's so hard not to be, like, infinitely upset. Fuck. Right in the middle. The only thing in the garage. 57 minutes, 56 seconds, latest episode.

80s girls talking about maybe, just potentially, rolling the idea around in her head, making out that second little dog. My wife's in the same boat dick. Oh, yeah. Thinking about it, man. And you know what I'm not fucking insane. They don't know their asshole from their elbows. She's proposing.

I think they know. I think women know their assholes. You can't lick your own elbow. Can I fuck your elbow? Baby roulette. So she wants me to dump these loads inside of her. Uh-huh. Exactly.

Exactly. It happened. And if not, when July 1st, I get that shit snipped. We're in the same boat. You and I. Just the one baby. Isn't that fucking insane? Best of luck, man.

I am in the exact same person. position. One of us is going to have a kid. Another one. It's not going to be me. It's going to be you, sir. Yeah. I put the Chiskelay on you. We're racing the clock. Biches. They're controlled by Satan.

All their actions, all their actions are of the devil. Well, you know how Jesse Lee Peterson talks about, like, the fishing thing, right? As a bad idea it goes by, you can't, like... Yeah, let it go. You got to let go. Let it go. But they're just, like, over there with the fucking net.

Net. Yeah. They're stocking the fucking fish on one end, catching them going back, loading the net up, dumping him back in. They're doing Chinese levels of overfishing on all these bad ideas.

Speaking of, boy, do I got some for you. Oh shit. Reverend Scott did something. Fuck. Oh, shit. Fuck, fuck. The man himself.

Here we go. Here we fucking go. Here we fucking go, boys. I do fucking go. boys. Hey there, Dick and Johnny. This is Reverend Scott. Thank you, Reverend Scott, for the wonderful intro.

Thank you. It's too bad that everything that follows is absolute garbage. Thank you, Johnny. And today is, of course, a special day, a day of remembrance, a day that took longer to get to than Dick took to get a heart on in his old age. So I finally get it up after, you know, it took like an hour. It's a day to look back at the. last 10 years of our lives and cry. A day that we can finally know just a little bit more

what it's like to be veto. Well, this was a mistake. I've made a mistake. I should stop doing this and do literally anything else. And listen, I get it. Unlike your average retard listener, I've been around since the very beginning, since before the beginning. And with my longevity, come some benefits. I, of course, have Sean's personal hotline number, and I have called him to join me on this joyous occasion.

And sure, at first, he was apprehensive to return, but there's one thing that will remain steady about Sean no matter how long this show continues. I'm an L.A. base comedian. Thank you, Sean, for joining me. I've been waiting for over 100 weeks

for your return. Oh, you poor, Stupid bastard. When I first asked Sean to return to the Dick show, he said no. But then I reminded him how much he loves me and how much I made him laugh. Isn't that right, Sean? No, I don't think he's funny at all. Classic, Sean.

It feels like just yesterday that it was episode 393, the first appearance of Woman Alert. And would I ever suggest that the show would have crashed and burned without the adrenaline shot Woman Alert? provided? No, of course not. Well, that's because you have a really big cock. I mean, your balls are huge. Thank you, Sean. I'm humbled by her wisdom as always. But Sean, I know you've had your time in the spotlight. You may have taken your animal knowledge to your ass farming grave, but you've passed your audio engineering torch to the legend that is the brain rot connoisseur himself, Johnny the audio engineer. And we're all better for it. Reverend Scott.

Many said that replacing Sean was impossible, a Herculean task, but Dick knew there was one man that not only had plenty of free time, but also shared the humble presence of his predecessor, and that man was Johnny. Hey, everyone, I'm just a fucking bum. Yes, Johnny, we know. It wasn't a simple transition, though. There was no lube as the Dick show slid in. Welcome to hell.

Mm-hmm. But Dick also knew that the endless rages, fat watches, woman alerts, and collins from a listener base that is inexplicably managed to not kill itself by now would not hold a candle to the horrors that Johnny sees on Instagram on a daily basis. Even you yourself, Dick, have made changes along the way, the likes that Sean or no one else had seen before,

marriage and then a baby, it's something no one could have fathom 10 years ago. What is this, the baby show? What's the baby show now? Oh, it's such a bitch now. All these babies. The vagina show now?

The vagina baby show now? What is this? But yet the show has endured. The listeners have endured. Even I myself have endured these changes despite how difficult it have been for me personally. I'm a veteran of the Dick Show and I think I should finally bring this to a close. So fucking do it, Scott. Just get it over with already.

Fuck, okay. I'll leave you with this. What do you think of the man that has not listened to the Dick Show every week for the last 10 years? That's fucked. That person can't survive in the real world. No. I course agree. The amount of advice and warnings that have been and bestowed upon the listeners is impossible to quantify. It's not just about the amount of times you have shit on veto for no reason other than he just deserves it. Well, because I'm trying to not have this, you know, white stuff all over me. What do you mean white stuff? I'm sorry, unrelated clip.

Jerking off feels really good, right? Yeah. Whoops, Butterfingers. I guess what I'm trying to say is, happy 10-year anniversary. The Dick Show is a forever constant in the lives. of many, and more importantly, it's a constant in my life. So keep on fighting the good fight. Go fuck yourselves.

And as always, peace and love, guys. Anything that happens to women is not my problem, because it's not me and they probably deserve it. That's normal for a man to think. Okay. Well, that's a great poll quote right there. That's just wonderful. A masterpiece.

Thank you, Reverend Scott. thank you for ever and scott man thank you everybody else who is it mad cucks stereos man sean obviously uh peach i don't know it was a big list of people randy johnny randy kion especially who else who else am i forget antoids every week chris the kiwi who got out of Chris the Kiwi Can't forget him Maddox especially Thank you for

What a ride. What a fucking ride, man. Doing doing everything by the book. I just remember one year It was my birthday and it was like, cool,

I'm going to go see this podcast live taping and then now it's like Hey, you're going to sit here every week do this now. I'm like,

let's fuck get it. I got a family now. Thanks to all this. So yeah. See you guys in another 10 years. Things will be even worse. Also have the same job of being a fucking bum, dude. Yeah, okay.

See you next week. See you, everybody.