The Dick Show - Episode 513 - Dick on the Food Pyramid

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

A very scary hike, bears in the wild, "Welcome to America", Trump wakes up from his coma, pedos and surrogates, the ADL goes after "goyslop", and a woman eats the entire food pyramid; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

How was it outside today? Is this air? Are you aware that there's an ammonia fire happening? Oh, is that... You see it? Is that why my eyes were watering when I woke up? Yeah, they declared a state of emergency. Stay inside and don't run your air.

Like, don't run my air. How's running my air conditioning going to help with an ammonia fire? What are you talking about? Don't run the air. Don't run the air. Of course I'm running the air. It's from inside.

Breathing that shit outside. Fuck, yeah. Is this a grid issue? It's always... You know, it's always some other bullshit that they can sneak in. Yeah. And then every time a transformer blows, they replace it with a cheaper, shittier one, too. Yeah.

Well, AI made this one. Doesn't work. We need some boomer-made infrastructure again. God damn, I'm going to miss them. And then get rid of them after that. One day, yeah, bring them in, de-thaw the last... Look, we're going to keep the last boomer on ice. And we need them, we're going to just de-thaw his head, like in the bottom of hell.

and have him bark orders. You know, he's going to come out of... You're doing it wrong. You got to connect that fucking inverter. That inverter is upside down. Why, in my day? And then freeze, instant freeze. As soon as it starts with the lectures.

Yeah, we grew up finding Transformers when I was a kid. Sure you did. They'll go like demolition man. Back on ice. Where they belong. Rotate through them. Have a big crop of their heads sticking out of the ground. Yeah, isn't it crazy?

How crazy how we have this fucking fire and they're like, don't use electricity. An ammonia factory fire. Why the fuck is there an ammonia factory downtown? You're telling me there's bad... I thought if we sent all the bad making shit to China, India. You'd think, right? An ammonia factory downtown? Who's responsible for this? It's like every couple of years when someone's making, what is it, like a...

Like wax from weed shit? Yeah. And they're doing too much butane extraction. in like a small enclosed building in downtown and just fucking blows up. Whoops. Yeah. It's like, well. Thanks, dude.

Another day in downtown, I guess. Why does it, why did anyone need wax? Why can't they just smoke weed like normal? Like, alcoholics, we just drink a beer. We don't have like a, we're not making like an alcoholic wax. It's from when you run out of crack, dude. Yeah. It's a gateway to crack.

Maybe weed really is a gateway drug. It's certainly doing gateway tendencies. Crack-like tendencies. weed heads are If you have to pull out the blow torch And fucking heat up a spoon Get your fix, man Probably

Something wrong with what you're doing. Probably doing too much of that shit Go to the bar And see guys Fucking free basing A teaspoon of alcohol That'd be cool No, would not be

Cool What else could you take apart You know? They tried to do that with mixologists You know They tried to get some gateway Crack behavior For alcoholics with mixology

And we said Fuck no No Get out. Hang them. Get rid of these fucking, send them back to steampunk times. That's a word I haven't heard in a while. Mixology?

Oh, man. Man, that was a dark time. That is a dark time. I don't know whose call that was, but it was a bad one. That's a, uh... Because then it's like, I'm not a bartender. I'm a fucking mixologist, and it's like, okay, cool. You're an asshole who mix sugary liquids together.

You take forever to make drinks. That's what it should we call. And then you complain that. I ordered it too. Like, fuck you. Yeah. Don't say that you make all these complex drinks if you don't want to make them. Is it...

Did you have a nice Juneteenth? I did. Is that air on? It is on. God damn it. I'm going to fucking lose it again. I'm going to fucking lose it again. I think I can do whatever I want today because it's Father's Day.

Right. Happy Internet Father's Day as well to me from all of you. You're welcome. See, I was going to bring you a father. Father's Day card since you're my buddy Danny's your Donnie's dad. Yeah. But then. Oh, that's shit.

Yeah. You get my wife of Mother's Day card, but nothing for me. Well, and that's the true Father's Day card is nothing. No one ever gets that shirt. You can take this shirt. Let me get that shirt right now. Subscribers only and I'll take this. You're zoomed in so they can't see your nips.

Oh, then what's the point? You don't want the public to see your nips. Right. That's why I was like, man, we're moving to, switching over to Rumble premium now. It's got a fucking map of where to deploy the charges on your nips to self-destruct button. Yeah. It actually spells out

blood and knuckles across my chest. This is the unlock. This is the map to the self-destruct button. This is the code. You got to turn both nips. It's two knobs so you can tune in Tokyo. Hey man, when does why do doctors, I think

house, like fucked up doctors' brains or something or I don't know why but they all, I've got to a a lot of doctors. There's always something wrong with me. For real. And they send me to more and more doctors, and then I just quit, you know?

And then I just, that's why I get, I get invoices for all the time. Just next, you know how many times I've seen this is your last notice? The next one's going to collections. Yeah. Maybe probably more than anyone. More than anyone who isn't broke.

Right? Probably more than anyone with money. I've seen, I've seen the next one's going to collections probably more than anybody. Every bill I've ever paid has had the collections notice on it. Make them wait on it. I just got another one for my ear doctor. I can't hear of these bills.

Something happened where doctors now, they have to come up with an analogy for everything, but they're not good at it. Like the dentist told me, my wife made a dental appointment, which I didn't want to do because I know it's going to be something real bad with my teeth. Surprise, surprise. It's going to hit your pockets.

Oh, man. Well, she got dental insurance too, so it's like a mental trick. So now I feel like I have to go because I don't want to waste it. I got to come up, I got to find more problems with my teeth than I'm spending on the dental insurance. Which is why I don't want life insurance. I'm like, I got to die. I got to die before I'm 65 or all this money's wasted. They really do that, huh?

My wife's my mom's are usually your life insurance. I'm like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I said, that's nice. Wait a minute. Wait, just a minute. Just a minute. My mom didn't say that.

What's going? on here? What's happening here? Just a minute. On Father's Day, she said this? One second. Hold on the, hold the phone. Hold the phone. I'm gonna call her right now. Man. I'm just gonna have a talk. I'm just gonna talk to her. Packed a car. Someone's going on a drive. Somewhere in that chain. What exactly was said. Tell me exactly what was said. I'm about to crash. more out on everybody on this Father's Day. I'm going to have two beers and if this text convo, I'm texting you both right now to get the story.

And if these stories don't match, there's going to be hell to pay. I'm having two thinking beers. I've got some agents. I've deployed some agents in my thinking. I've deployed some liquor agents in my thinking, like my cloud, like my clawed interface. I'm deploying some working agents to come up with a plan. while I drink the rest of this beer.

I've deployed some simultaneous agents. I just realized me putting things into the cloud is just that brain fog I've had forever. I'm dumping some agents into the cloud so I can think about this while I watched Rick and Morty. That's my new euphemism for taking a shit. I'm going to deploy some agents into the cloud. Into the matrix.

Fuck. Did you have a nice Juneteenth? Did you do any work? You're not supposed to work on. Juneteenth. I did work on Juneteen. And you fucked, you fucked black people, right? And they're very disrespectfully. What if I made a deep fried funnel cake, though?

That's part of work. You like funnel cake? I do like funnel cake. They, they like funnel cake, I mean. Oh. It's got pineapples in it or something? Kool-Aid soaked funnel cake? Kool-Aid funnel cake? Man,

Kool-Aid-soaked job applications? Here's my, here's my job application. You'll notice that it's also delinealienable. delicious? It's a fruit roll-up. That's right. Grapefruit roll-up. Foss.

Slash job application McDonald's. If they put job application, because you know how they used to have the temporary tattoos one? You could do like the tongue tattoo or it's like you stick the star on your tongue? You do a tongue tattoo?

Yeah, what kind of star? Just like a... Hold the phone. It was a six-pointed one, of course. But, um... And there was,

Three little sixes that came on that you could put on your forehead, too. Only three of them. What were you saying about something? Job applications. Oh, no. No, but in honor of Juneteenth, I did some deep frying. That's cool. It is cool.

Man, did I tell you about the last time I grilled? Oh, I made some juicy. I made some juicy fucking burgers. Did I tell you about this one? No, tell me. Oh, baby. And I'm cooking for three now. man my son eats like a motherfucker dude he's just like gobbling up

dude remember when he wouldn't he ate his dinner last night and then I had a little taco afterwards motherfucker walked over and started grabbing my taco I'm like get the fuck out of here yeah he should at least buy you dinner first right before you fuck me like this get out of here

a little taco touch you fed half your taco to the dog N-word I call him N-word sometimes N word sister Just A Not hard R I would never call my son

Hard R Nward Norton Yeah People say you shouldn't say You shouldn't say things That you don't want him to repeat I said Why would I not want him to repeat that

I said he heard it at school He heard it on TV He heard it at school From the teacher He heard it at school He heard it on TV Oh what were you watching A Klan rally

Presenting That's what I'll say You know, like a subvert their expectations. I'm having a really good day today. Yeah! Welcome to Dick. You want Dick, you need, Dick. You love Dick.

You got it. It's the show where everything's a contest coming to live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your host, Dick Masterson, aka the $20 million man. Joining me is Johnny the audio engineer. How's it going, man? With some hot funnel cake. Dude, hot funnel cake and hot peppers, too, man. peppers and a funnel cake

not in the funnel cake because I hate spicy bread dude hate it fucking I didn't realize this but man we're getting old oh yeah fucking

dude the other day like I mean you're you're getting old I'm old you're there yeah but remember

10 years ago right I was the king of having I'd always have like a Carolina Reaper on hand. Oh yeah, that's right. I made you eat part of one. Yeah, you were the king of peppers. You were going to strangle me.

You were like, don't ever feed me shit that spicy in my house ever again. Ever again. What is wrong with you? Immediate diarrhea. Immediately. Well, so here's... I touched my tongue and just started spraying out of my ass like the Bellagio. Fountains.

Right. And so, you know, classic L.A. staple, right? Tommy's, chili burgers. Yeah. Right? Uh-huh. And so I'm ordering. My girlfriend's never been before.

And she goes, oh, yellow peppers, definitely get those. And I was like, no, no, no, these aren't like pepperchinis. These are those little fucking Greek deals. Yeah. Those are those fucking, those bullshit ones that you're like, ah, that's like, I know what color that is. That's not hot. It's a joke. It's a joke pepper.

It's a fucking joke pepper. Dude, she gets those. I'm like, you know what? Maybe I'm being a bitch, right? I used to eat all these things. I could fucking handle. No matter any amount of spice, I'll eat that with a clear. clear conscience.

Dude, this shit... Not at this age, though. Dude, I took two bites and I was whistling Dixie, man. Out of your ass. Dude, that shit... I felt like Tom Sawyer by that fucking river whistling it up,

dude. I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding you, man. I think I'm dying. Like, who the fuck made this pepper? I hate that pepper shit. I'm talking about peppers. It fucking...

It makes me so bad, dude, but... Historians are going to be like, why the fuck do this generation? Why did the fuck do these people sew into peppers. It's a it's the way out of it's a new form of

sobriety. Oh yeah. You gotta get high in another way. That makes sense. If you can't bring people non-alcoholic beers as a joke, you have to eat peppers as a joke, you know? Yeah, eating peppers, shopping out of each other's trunks, playing with the

Freddie Filet Fingers game, whatever it is, stab fingers game. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, yes! Yes. Oh, I'm good at that game. You're great at that game. Man, you know, I learned about myself last week. I am really afraid of heights. Really?

Like, really, really, really. I didn't know that. Dude, that's a thing, man. I discovered it about 9,000 feet in the air while doing the while doing the gayest an activity that I now despise Do you zip lines somewhere?

No, I thought I was fine. Like, I've done it, I went on a family trip. I was gone for a week. I went on a family trip. I mean, my family went to Jackson Hole. What a name. Wyoming. I know, nobody makes any jokes about it either.

Really? Yeah. It's literally Jacks on hole, dude. Like, what do it's? I thought there would be like a guy bent over and his asshole. Right. And that would be like a popular restaurant or something. Jackson's hole, you know? Jackson's hole. Like, look, there he is.

There is. Jackson right there. Town mascot. Like Schitt's Creek. You know? You can't put hole in a name and not have some sort of asshole joke. It was, man, beautiful. The whole time, I walked off the plane.

Security guys giving me a howdy. Everybody's nice. And I thought, I'd turn my wife I said, we cannot tell you know who about this, but I said, we cannot let word get out. This place will turn into Carnival Cruise overnight. You know, we have to, we got to figure out some way to keep this place safe, like Greenland, Iceland kind of thing, you know. But it was absolutely beautiful. And they were having some kind of an eating contest there.

So all the contestants were either flying in, a women. eating contest they were having the women were hugely fat hugely fat it was summer there and I think they were they were stocking up for an ice age they were eating to

keep their reserves high for the next ice age I think were you 9,000 feet up as the only way to spectate this event Jesus man I never found out where the event was I just assumed it based on the the women that were walking around there hugely disgusting fat women there which isn't going to help

with my first problem which I just talked about right we go to a rodeo this fucking pisses me this fucking piss me off we went to a rodeo and the guy's doing his rodeo schick of like hey

who's here's from like Rhode Island and people go like yeah who's here's from California and I'm like yeah fuck yeah And he goes, welcome to America. And everyone's like, oh,

right? I said, okay. And then he goes, we're Wyoming. We're the, we're the equality state. The first state to let women vote. And the first state that has a woman governor,

and I'm like, what the fuck was that, Welcome to California. F? Yeah. Yeah. Really? Welcome to America? The equality state?

Oh, okay. Okay. Slur, slur, slur, slur, slur. And then they had a... Then they had a little mini parade for the military. And they marched out, like, six fat secretaries, veterans. Six women. Here's Lieutenant Colonel, Mary...

Some fat bitch comes walking out. Like, is this... Are you sure? Is this America? What do you think it is in L.A.? What do you think California is? When you say, welcome to America, What do you mean?

Am I looking at America? This parade of pigs? This parade of army pigs? It's the Bay of Pigs, dude. The Bay of Pigs? Waddling out here? Getting applause? And everyone, will all the veterans in the audience, please stand up and I'm just seething, you know?

You sons of... This was before Trump turned on Israel. So I'm just sitting there going, I hope you fucking die in Iran. You fucking fat people. of shit. Get rid of this fucking guy first, right? Welcome to America, where we love women and equality above all else.

Where the fuck do you guys get off? It's really just like, as long as somebody is gayer than you, then you're the straightest person in the world. Is that how it is here? Because what I'm seeing, what I'm seeing is a lot of progressively gay shit. That's what I'm saying. Not as bad as L.A., Because, yeah, in California, we're the first, you know, black trans-disabled Muslim governor.

You guys are way better. Whoa, just, just way fucking better. This is way more based. Yeah, no matter where you go, it's always the same shit, man. It's everywhere these days. It's unavoidable. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Welcome to America.

Queers. Okay. What do you guys do here? Well, we value, we, uh, we love women. Poo, man. I'll go back to California. First day with mandatory pegging. Okay.

That's America. I'll go back to California and tell them how to butch up so we can respect women as much as you guys do here in Wyoming. Fuck. And be as fat as you are here in fucking Wyoming, too. You sure it just wasn't a wild buffalo herd? There was a buffalo sitting at a restaurant. And I said, that is a fucking buffalo wearing a wig and lipstick.

And no one believe me. My family said, you're crazy. That's a woman. I said, that's a fucking buffalo. I know a buffalo wearing a wig and lipstick when I see ones. I went over and ripped off the wig. And you know what?

It was a woman. Like, you don't have wings. Come on. They got this thing on here pretty tight. And she went, lay off me. I'm starving. You scalp a woman in a restaurant? How are you so fucking proud of everybody's clapping, applauding the equality state?

Like, man, fuck you idiots. How do you think it started? How do you think it starts? How the fuck do you think it starts? To me, it just comes off like, you know, when you're a kid and you go on a field trip and they only give you like the very like, okay, you're going to see all this cool shit at the aquarium, but we'll tell you probably like three facts you'll want to learn. Yeah.

Of all of it. Because it's like there's so much cooler shit, but they just dumb it the fuck down and start like, we'll make sure you learn the most basic elementary. It feels like that. And this is water. What you see all around you is water. We don't know quite where it comes from.

It's just so. But that's where the fish live. Fucking like, man, there's so much more to this. And you're giving us that like, fuck, it's only going to get dumber from here. Welcome to America. I mean, fuck you.

Welcome to Mexico Dude, I got welcome to Mexico This weekend too, man Fucking Yeah Made the mistake I don't give a fuck about sports At all

And so You know Looking somewhere to eat yesterday Take my girl To this great Mexican place Yeah Classic fucking salsa and beer Right

Yeah Salsa and bad decisions If you are in the know Yeah And I found where every Mexican is Oh yeah That's fucking solid.

Slok them in. Send ice. Dude. Send nice over there. Standing room only wasn't even like, we had to eat like fucking. You can't tell when they're sitting down. Well, that too, yeah. They're the same height standing up or sitting down.

God, these rodeo, these bitches at the rodeo. Just disgusting. I didn't know they made pants in this shape. Jeans in the shape that some of them were in. But I guess maybe they bust them in like a catcher's mitt, right? They get these fat bitches shaped like bowling. pins, get a new pair of jeans, and they soak them in salt water or something, and then put

them in the oven. They use those marble, the spinning marble fountains. They stretch fit them over. I did notice they had that corporate sculpture and there was some there was some jeans, there was a pair of jeans on one of them. They're stretching them out. Yeah.

That's why there's the water on them. They're just fucking way off. Everyone thinks it's so the water, or so the marble can stay moving. But really, the water is there to help keep the denim pliable. So my my sister says

hey we're doing this thing called we're doing a bunch of activities you want to do any? And I said no. He said okay good and my wife says well what are they? I might want to do them and I said oh here we go because we're doing

a via ferata a via ferata I don't like that just because it's not in English and so you say grandma's going to do you know, Nana's going to do it too. My wife says, yeah, I'll do it. And I said, what is it?

She goes, it's like a cable, a steel cable on the mountain that you've clipped to and you climb it. You did that. Bro, when I tell you that I'm afraid of heights, I mean like fucking catatonic, like Indiana Jones and snakes, afraid of heights.

Like, I'm having a fucking panic attack on this thing. So I said, oh, Nana's going to do it? my wife says yeah i'll do it she wants to get away from you know the baby for she'll do anything to get away from the baby for two hours oh uh take over throw cuba yeah i'm i'm game

sure answer the sphinx's riddle yeah sign me up absolutely going to deep space sure sure what else you got i'm like oh honey talk her out of it you know it's deep space pretty dangerous

lots of radiation you know, I don't want to I don't want to watch the baby for that long. Isn't there something else? Do you sure you want to do that? So she goes, Via Friada, I'm in. I said, well, I'm in too then. Obviously, I don't want to stay home and babysit for four hours.

And I don't want, like, you know, I don't want there to be some kind of big swinging dick tour guide happens to have a thing for married women who just had a kid like well I don't want I can't have my wife see me this emasculated that I'm not going to go on this

dea ferrata thing this is a I need to represent well there's that and if you don't go then they're going to be like well we went and you didn't go and you didn't go so you're a bitch I don't want to lose my is at you will hear about it for ever.

Yeah, that is what I was thinking. I'm going to hear that I'm a bitch. When we were kids, when we were kids, one of my cousins, the oldest one, he started smoking. And we all went on a hike, all the kids. We got like eight or nine boys, cousins. We all went on a hike and he had to quit halfway

because it was emphysema. I mean, I don't know. Still, to this day, I don't know why. He must have been smoking a lot. But ever since then we called him halfway, and then his name. Right. That's how we prefer.

Like, that's just to become his name. So I didn't want to get... Yeah, right. You know, become a bitch. You don't want to get plac'd as something you'll never be able to live down. You can't go back in time. Boy, howdy.

Boy, howdy, Johnny. Guess what? So we go on this stupid... We go on this stupid thing. It's at the top of the Grand Teton. whatever name yeah yeah they don't have any jokes about that either um he strap in and i'm like a little bit nervous because i know i know i'm like i don't like i thought i was just kind of like avoidant of heights like i didn't think it was a big deal

because i've gone i've gone on sky bridges and i'm fucking bouncing around i've flown like little sessna planes i've flown i've flown a lot and it's never been a big deal but man strapped in we get there and our guide comes out flaming homosexuals I'm like ah fuck

alright I could have this is I could have not come to this this guy's got you know this guy's no threat now I'm gay

for being on this I'm gayer for having done this and it didn't occur to me at the time but man when a flaming homosexuals fucking bouncing up

around the mountain like a billy goat and you're hugging it like uh Like you haven't seen land in 10 years And floating adrift at sea It's even more masculating So we start to climb

And it's these like rungs These like wrought iron ewes That have been like staples They look like a staple that's been half stapled Into the mountain like an oversized staple And they got all kinds of fat bitches Kids are screaming up this thing And you have these cables

on your belt and you clip them in and then you get to the next piton that's stuck into the mountain and you clip them clip them in above that and i'm doing the math in my head and i'm like well wait a minute this isn't really this it seems safe but if you if you fall you're going 10 feet down you're going 10 feet down and hammering your head or whatever into the mountain i'm like okay don't don't think about that just think about being hung over don't think about that I'm up like five of these rungs and I can feel myself to start freaking out, right?

Oh, and right before my mom's like, oh, I'm not going, I was never going on that thing. That was just, we were just bullshitting. He said, oh, okay. All right. I'm like three rungs up. I can feel my, like, okay, okay, you just, you know, your grip starts to, like,

get real so tight you can't feel your hands. I'm like, what the fuck? fuck is happening my hand. Is this? And then I'm just like looking at my hand going, it's just going to let go at any moment. At any moment it's just going to pop off. So I'm like, I saw pictures afterwards. Everyone else seems like nice and natural and they're climbing

up these things, but I'm like hugging tightly against it. Like, I'm giving it a pole dance, right? And I'm so much, like, just fatter. I'm so much fatter than everyone in our party. So I get to the top. I'm like, who, okay. The rest is going to be.

be smooth sailing, right? This is for tourists. So I thought it must be just like, you know, clip, clip walking along clip. Oh, look at the view. Wow, cool. I said, okay, so we're, you know, we're going, you know, that way. And the guy goes, no, no, we're going right there. He points up and it's like, straight up, another one of those ladders, about five times higher. Like, growing up that. And he goes, no, we're going up that one. And it's like, straight up. comes back what the fuck is going on I felt like I was in crazy town

nobody's reacting to it any kind of way I'm already on the beginner run doubled over like are you okay I'm totally fine totally fine just hung over she goes he's just hung over don't pay any attention to him

just gonna die out in ass and his hole he's an idiot so we like walk over because yes, here it is. And I'm thinking in my mind, I'm thinking, quit. Do not try to just quit. Walk back, walk back home, climb down the ladder. And I'm waiting for somebody else to suggest this.

Like, okay, somebody's going to quit. It's insane, right? But nobody did. So he climbed up it. And there's like spots where, there's spots where the state. Staples not there and you have to climb with the rock. And you know how much I hate mountain climbers. Yeah, mountain climbing.

So you're like climbing up in the stupid clip keeps getting like the slack keeps getting caught and stuff. I don't know why no one else is, is, I don't know why any of this isn't happening to everyone else. Like the clip's getting caught. So I have to like backtrack. Fuck, man. It's just horrible. and I hear that wasn't even the worst part

the worst part is everyone goes in front of me and I hear my fucking wife and the homosexual just talking about the most inane shit where's the best place for shopping

oh I'm a teacher stuff so um and I swear to God that my arm tendon is about to break the whole, every single fucking time, like, oh God, I can feel it unraveling.

And I have the drill of my wife and a flaming homosexual pounding into the side of my head the whole time. So I finally get to the top and like, and just sprawl out. Just like lay down. And they're like, all right, everybody's done. Ready to go? I'm like, you guys haven't. No, you guys haven't got.

I didn't get to break at all. You guys have been up here for like an hour. I need like a. a little bit of rest. My wife goes, hold still, don't move. There's no chance of me moving. Don't worry about it.

The guy's fucking stands right at the top, too. When you're climbing up and over. So I'm like, trying to get over the top. It's fucking wieners right there. Can't you just fucking step back? She goes, hold it right there. And I'm like, what is your problem? She goes, I'm taking a picture.

You look exactly like Arthur in Red Dead. two when he dies because of the way the mountains look and I said oh I tried and she goes what and I said how you fucking bitch

didn't get the reference stupid took the picture and it's like just the way the harnesses are fit to you makes you look extremely fat dude and they fucking hurt too they hurt your fucking nuts the whole time my fucking nuts

are getting shoved back into like the pinball machine thing where your nuts go you know when you're getting a shitty handjob your nuts get popped back in the slot the whole fucking time and the girl they didn't give any gloves I asked for gloves at the beginning and the girl gave me a look like I'd be gay

if I used them she goes well we have gloves and I said don't say no more that the look was the look was enough it looked like a fucking like a out of work plumber with the fucking harnesses they put you in. I hate those guys.

I hate the nut harnesses. I don't know what the deal is with those. They're not comfortable. Make a mesh or something. You either walk around like a fucking Japanese Tanouki or you fucking like you got that shit up in your rib cage, man. It's like there's nothing.

Make them nut friendly. Who designed these things? The same guy that made tampons probably. They fucking suck. Same guy who thought you could take a bike on the road. So my wife takes my picture and then goes back to talking about fucking shopping with the homosexual.

That would do my head. That was the worst part. Because I'm like, I'm thinking I'm gonna, I probably would die. If I, they could fall, all these bitches and my nephew, they could fall, be fine. Just bounce off, you know,

like nothing. But I'm like, I'm rocking like 200, fucking 30 pounds. If I fall off, there's going to be chunks missing of me and the mountain. It's going to be a perfect impression of you in the side of them out. I'm like a cartoon character. I'm doing the fucking math in my head. If I

fall off of this thing, I'm not making it. It's not going to be so funny then. You're going to be living in a van down by the river, you bitch. You have to move back with Maddox and his fucking gummy bears. Maddox is going to raise my son. That's what I'm thinking. Oh, God. This sucks. Why did I do this? Why am I so afraid of hides?

Well, because you know what happens. Like, Yeah, they're stupid. They don't know anything. Pre-internet? I'm doing advanced calculus in my head Right No, pre-internet You'd see like those guys on the gliders

With like the lawnmower motors and shit You're like oh cool he's gliding around Like that looks like fun Or you see paragliders Exactly pre-internet Exactly right Once you see all the videos Are these people fucking dying

Because like oh a half a breeze Came and bent the fucking PVC Fucking fucking pie You know what happened that morning That fucking bitch got thrown off the river With no bungee cord That's thrown off the bridge Well yeah

So that would Yeah it's shit like that man the more you see that it's like because when you think about it and you don't see it and you're like oh plane crash like that's crazy and then the more videos of plane crashes we've been seeing nonstop it's like Jesus Christ like I trust myself to pilot a plane yeah I don't trust myself to hold onto a ladder because I want to die that's the problem I'm like man all you got to do is hold on the ladder and then I'm like but I want to be I wish I was dead oh god oh god oh god please don't like a please don't think that

Get out of my head. Dude, I remember my first time climbing a billboard. I got halfway up and just froze. It was like, damn. I'm not like, if you fall, you're fucked. I couldn't do that. I guess. I didn't know that.

Dude. I'm not made of... I don't want to climb any billboards. It's not fun. I'm not made of starters. You climbed up a billboard with no... Dude, it's terrifying. It's fucking...

That shit... Every single time is not fun. What did you do up there? Jacked off? Yeah. Hey, everybody. Check this out. Check this out.

Dos, dos, dos abogados. Here's the new chick filet ad. Yeah. Quit pulling your pork. Have some chicken. It's a live guy. Yeah. People like, honey, that's just a mannequin out there.

Yeah, there's no way. It's not a real guy cranking his dick. 24 hours a day. Doing a beat him and eat him cosplay from Atari. So then this fucking guy, and I say the EF slur in my head when he's talking, you know, but not out loud. My sister goes, what's the most out of shape person? person you've had up the amount.

I was like, oh, you fucking bitch. And he goes, well, today's the first day. So, of the season. So I guess just your brother. I was like, I wasn't even pissed because I just think, wait, it's the first day. That means these stupid staples have been fucking frozen

for eight months. Nobody's tested them yet. Fuck. And the gay guy. I screamed for help one time. Because I got my thing caught. on a, I got my thing caught on one of the, one of the changeovers when you move your fucking,

and these things are like, they're Chinese, they don't fucking work right. There's a catch in it every time, like, and they're the joke ones that you get, um, at the,

like the N-Cap aisle and like the impulse bisection next to the candy. They're not like the, like you need the industrial strength. I need the good stuff. Yeah, don't give me a thin blue, an adidized fucking care of your dickheads. Green one with a key chain on it.

Yeah, my head a togupee on it I'm like, this isn't This can't be a real That's no fucking togepie on these things Why is it stamped DeVault in the side I got my thing caught on Oh hello Hi

I got my thing caught on the A mohawk A changeover Yeah his hairstyle's great Yeah, his hairstyle's awesome He can be he can look really nice Like a job interview guy Or can be a little punk

he's a bad dude man he's a bad enough dude bah I got my thing caught on one of the changeovers there's a piton a spike into the mountain where they join the cables

and that's what you have to unclip one carabiner over and then do the second one right you have to do that all fucking day like the emphasis I can say that because I'm racist Right.

Yeah. My people can say that. Racists. So I went over. The next one in it, like one of the carabiners, because they're janky. That's because they're janky.

It fell back and like turned and got locked in. So I climbed all the way 10 feet up to another one. And I'm like, uh-oh. I feel some kind of looseness and I turned back. And it was one of the ones with no staples in it. So it was just rock, right? I'm hugging it, like I'm banging a fat woman, you know? And I'm like, uh-oh, I got to slide back.

I got to go back somehow. And I didn't know I couldn't turn around to see my foot because I'm fucking terrified. I could have easily pushed up and just looked, looking back at it. But at the time, you don't think, I don't think that because of the terror. Right.

I imagine it's how most people view public speaking. Like, and I just don't. Like, I just don't feel anything. But then, I'm like, I feel everything all at once. I'm feeling 45 years of emotions in an hour and a half. So I said,

help. And my wife takes a break from her shopping conversation with the homosexuals. She's like, oh, I think he needs help. My sister interrupts my wife and the homosexuals. I think he needs help. And I hear from the top, he's fine.

Like, oh my God, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I can give you AIDS when I get to the top of this, you fucking, You fucking son of a bitch. So then I rest up. I pick myself up a little bit from my slumber. The guy goes, well, we could, so we got two options.

We could either go home right now. We could just walk down the trail and go home. Or we could do another one that's a little bit shorter than this one, but it's harder. And I get this fucking look for, and I three, I see my sister and her son and my wife just turn to look at me. And I'm lying in the position like Arthur that I've already been photographed as dead.

It's looking at the little boy's face, you know, my nephew, and he's having the time of his fucking life. Like he's, him and the guy are talking about this. Like, it's his future as in climbing. It's like, I've never seen someone take to the mountain like this. can see it in his face. Like, man.

All right. Let's do, obviously we've got to do the next. Obviously, we've got to do the other one. But now everybody knows that I'm terrified. Yeah. And like, panicking. So they're kicking rocks at me the whole time. Assholes.

Just being assholes. I would never do that to them. Yeah, never at once. You know? No, the next day my white, we're out on a hike and there's all these signs posted like, beware of bears. They'll rape you. They'll kill you.

There's bears all around here And she's freaking out I'm like I don't care about Because I would Fight a bear Put it in a headlock You know

Because I would throw I would pick up something I have such a devastating Throwing arm You actually really do I have a I can I can throw someone out at home plate

From fucking deep Deep left field Dude I watched you Get a fucking squirrel Off your tree with a loquot A mushy one too You said get out of here You fucking squirrel

And that thing Fucking I'm like honey If a bear I'm not telling her this I'm like if a bear showed up The bear wouldn't even Understand

It would just be dead I would throw a A stick Right through his eye I sock it That'd be a sick Like a 250 feet out

You know I would rookie of the year His ass He would hear And then he would be dead He would just hear it Khrik or he would be severely injured

he would wake up in another time say I just heard this sound I saw this guy I was going to kill and his nagging wife I heard a sound and he would so I'm laughing at her

I'm making fun of her because of the bears and she goes I would never I would never make fun of you I'm like you fucking took a picture of me looking fat as hell because you said it looked like dead Arthur from Red Dead 2

and she's freaking out Just like, be quiet, the bears will hear. Like, I want the bears to hear. The bears just are scared because they don't want to know. The bears are scared of this. The bears are scared of loud noises. The bears better be careful. I got a secret beer.

Oh. So we're going on a big hike, right? I can't walk, by the way. Because I got one of these, my life coach gave me this fucking backpack that the baby rides in. Oh. That Donnie rides in. So I pop in the backpack. he's like leaning out the side of the backpack the whole time like a trucker right like he doesn't

he doesn't want to just stare at the back of my man bun so he's leaning out the side the whole fucking time nothing i can do he's like what's up you know women walk by and he's like what's up what's up so now i'm permanently fucking back crooked the whole time and if i if i walk around the house like this all day i'm totally fine um I forget why I was saying that. The Bears. Oh, the beer. Oh, the secret beer.

We have a big hike planned, right? When I'm at lunch, I get a work call or something, and I come back. I'm feeling pretty good about the hike. Feeling good, you know. This is after the death defying when I was doing the preview today. It's worse. It's actually, I deserve more credit because I'm so afraid of it. Everyone else is having the time of their life.

So I come back to lunch, and I see a giant beer at the table. I said, what the fuck is this? She goes, I ordered you an IPA. And I'm like, but we're going on a five-mile hike. How am I going to do that after drinking two IPAs? She goes, there's only one. I'm like, well, obviously I'm going to drink another IPA. There's no such thing as one IPA.

So we go to this hiking trail, the head of it, and there's a giant line. There's a giant line. I'm like, what the fuck is this? We get a knock, knock, knock. Right. It's a park ranger She goes Oh yeah

There's about a 45 minute wait We do this We do this so it feels nice and like Peaceful And there's not a lot of people on the trail And I said you mean Indians She said what Like never mind

And it's just We ask you to turn your car off Because it's like bad for the environment Like you This whole like This whole national park thing It's just It's basically like a car tour

Like everybody goes they only drive around like they drive drive drive it's just like it encourages over consumption of driving the whole Yellowstone thing we didn't we didn't go to my wife you know my family didn't go to

yellowstone because we didn't want to sit in the car for 12 hours I mean if you've seen the show that's probably all you need to know anyway I haven't seen the show I haven't either is it about women and respecting women probably making them governor

That yellow stuff. I couldn't fucking believe, I'm here. Welcome to America, where we give women the right to vote. Like, oh, yeah, I bet you guys, too. You make them fat as hell, too.

Welcome to America where women could be as fat as they want. Like, well, in L.A. is a little, you know, we're not as American as here. We hold women to something called a beauty standard and an eating standard. We've got decades of propaganda in that machine out here, baby. Yeah, I didn't know that you guys did this in America.

treating women like garbage disposals where they can eat as much as they want and get his fucking fat. We don't have 12xL lingerie outside of America like you guys. It's really interesting to see and really fucking broaden my horizons. They miss the memo.

It's treat women like garbage, not garbage disposals. Yeah. Then they get fat and then start thinking they can run the place. Once the sass builds too much, then they get emboldened. Once they get KC masterpiece bold on them, then we're...

I couldn't believe what I see. Welcome to America. Oh, wow. Is this your national animal here? A 600-pound woman? National anthemism. And a fucking veteran husband with a sausage pack on the back of his head? Jesus Christ.

I hate that shit, man. You have diets in America? Because we do. Out in California. I don't know. It's called Everywhere's Goop Kitchen out here. disgusting. It was terrible. It was horrible. Dude, it's crazy because when you're in like fat women territory

like man, last time I was in Florida, I was just trying to enjoy my time. But it's like everywhere you go. It's like, man, the experience is being vastly marred by these fucking tubs of shit. Tubs, fat tubs of shit. Absolute fucking menaces. We're going to the rodeo and I didn't buy, I didn't buy tickets because I'm just like, I got other, I'm not paying it. attention to I'm not paying attention to

checks threads I'm sorry yeah the shit I'm doing just buy me tickets you know fuck it so my family said we didn't buy you ticket because you didn't respond to the text thread I said okay thanks uh I'll just go on Stubhub then my sister goes you can't

I said um I don't know I gave it a shot dude no no listen to me you can't like am I in a fucking Seinfeld episode what do you mean I can't there's no tickets so of course I go on Stubhubhub immediately buy a ticket you know no problem 10 minutes before the thing.

And I'm walking around going, how can you possibly, how could you even estimate how many tickets are sold here? They're bleachers. And each one of these Fatso locals takes up two and a half seats. Jesus. So how could you know when you're sold out? That's crazy. Seats are cheap, but you have to buy in bulk.

Yeah. Yeah, it's five bucks a seat, but for you, you need at least six of them. And then I'm thinking, oh, man, these black people are. gonna hear this and if they're gonna be here it's gonna be Carnival Cruise all over again That's fucking If they hear how fat these women are here

Who baby it's gonna be the amistad It's gonna be fucking driving into town Dude you know what I realized Soul plane will be flying into town with Tom Arnold Is fat women either have Somehow like a moderate amount of money Or none at all Oh yeah

They're either making like 70K They're either in HR Right Or... That's what it is, yeah. Or they are a W-H-O-R-E. Either HR or HR puff and stuff.

Worst drivers on the fucking planet, too. Oh, dude. 30-mile-an-hour speed limit around the whole town. And they all stick to it. Dude, you know what's real crazy was when I worked at McDonald's, there was this lady who was so fat. She'd have to pull... She couldn't roll her window down.

Yeah. She couldn't do that move. Yeah. So she would have to pull forward an open door and reach backwards. Oh. She'd reach out of the car door like that. But I didn't realize it one day until I looked further in. She had to take the seat off and she was sitting on the floor the whole time.

And I was like, dog, you need to. What? I was like. The floor like, that's like Dr. No level flat. Doctor Now. Yeah. It was fucking crazy. I'm like maybe either you, that car is like a hermit crab shell and you just,

like I'm waiting for like an empty cat truck to fucking move into or like I don't know but I was like god damn but dude some of these fat so's you got to start looking for that dude I didn't know that was the thing until it's like damn these bitches are big I don't even know why they get dressed up like I'm seeing him at the rodeo and they obviously got duded up and and some of them are the kind of fat where it's like they put the two cards together wrong where it's like up on top you're just kind of like a medium fat, but then the bottom is like just a pear.

Yeah. You know, huge. Looking like the squash from plants versus zombies over here. Yeah. And a little hat. I'm like, the hat makes you look fatter, by the way. I want to give him a card.

Hey, by the way, that hat makes you look fat. Dude, you know what is? It's those commander pants with the big sides? Yeah. That's fucking those, dude. That's what it is, yeah. Okay, but I'm back for my trip.

Thank God. I'm back from my fucking wonderful vacation of the baby waking up all night and driving around. Baby doesn't really understand what time change is. We get back. My wife goes, oh, we should go. Like, if you ever, if you say we should go in the next, like, two months, I'm, I can't kill you. because I don't want to take care of the baby by myself and I'm going to do something.

I'm going to do something. I'm going to turn the air down to like 60 degrees. I'm going to figure it out. Oh yeah, and then the dentist said I have barnacles on my teeth. I'm like, what? What the fuck? I was telling you the doctors are like trying to make analogies now with everything

to explain it. He goes, yeah, something's fucked up with your tooth. I don't know what it is. probably like plaque underneath it and I said okay and he goes you know it's kind of like barnacles like there's no don't say barnacles yeah that's a bad word yeah just I don't want barnacles on my fucking teeth usually when I stub my toe I yell out barnacles I know what plaque is just say that you you scrape it off everyone's gonna treat you like you don't know how special their techniques and shit are and it's like dude you're a fucking dentist man like talk to me like I'm a person

just tell me what it is if I look confused then say some stupid shit like it's some sponge bob shit like bonnacles I told my wife she's like that's disgusting I'm looking at you in a whole new way like well

I didn't they're not barnacles it's just plaque that guy's an idiot he's an asshole he's an asshole man fuck him fucking asshole

there's not actually barnacles on my teeth yeah it's not like you're sitting in low tide all the time just hanging out I shouldn't have said anything you can't you know what they did they called the the rodeo clowns

in America bullfighters he said and here come our bullfighters and a bunch of fucking guys in flack jackets and hats and wearing clown makeup walk out like really those look like rodeo clowns to me

you're not fucking bullfighters you I want those Spanish bullfighters. Yeah, do they have a cape? It's got to be like the Bugs Bunny cartoon style. You gotta have the cape, the stupid hat, the fucking Seinfeld pirate shirt. I couldn't believe it. That guy pissed me off so much with his...

Welcome to America. Really? You call them bullfighters? It's funny. Dude, you fucking went to Bizarro land. Mmm. Uh-uh-uh. Okay, what else?

what else happened Trump turned on Israel man that's great cool he's like that guy in Lord of the Rings he's you know he wakes up that guy he's like a zombie and then he gets like a spell or something

I don't know what happens in Lord of the Rings but that guy gets thrown off to cliff you know do you remember in Lord of the Rings I vaguely remember it I saw them when they all came out that never watched him again he's like

uh Israel's our greatest ally and then somebody throws that wizard off a cliff and then he's like, comes out of it and isn't like a zombie anymore and he's like, actually I hate Israel. Israel wouldn't even exist without us. Trump said that shit

and I went like McCulley Culkin. Yeah. What? Oh! It's true though. Whoa. Just like, wow. What was his exact quote?

Oh man, just when I'm out. Without, I didn't like the Netanyahu attacked over a very minor drone strike. Their attack was too much. And without the United States, without me, there would be no Israel. My dad said, I thought Israel was our friend. Why are you laughing? I thought Israel was her friend. I'm like, oh, I don't even have time to get it.

into this. What? Our friend, what do you mean? Man. See, what people forget to is like, when it comes to a businessman like that, all he cares about is his money,

man. You know, I really doubted him. I thought he was just, I doubt it. I thought he went to the dark side and became like Darth Trump. I was at that point, I was like, man, you know what?

Like, this is all stupid because you can't count on anyone. You still can't. You can't, but then... He can at least still do funny things. Then he pulled this out. He said this. I'm saying that if other countries have ballistic missiles,

it's a little unfair for Iran to not have them. And I went... It is unfair. It is. It is unfair. Maybe we'll shut these people up. If Iran's got some nuclear missiles pointed right up their ass. Might find peace in the Middle East, man.

Yeah. Oh, baby. He's back. I don't know what did it. He's probably that stupid reflecting pool shit. He's like, fuck this, man. He's probably some Jewish guy that did the pool, fucked him over. He's like, how fuck he's real.

Fuck piss. I don't know. He probably looked at how much it cost. He probably thought about how much it cost. And he's like, you mean I spent this much money on this? Fucking. Son of a bitch. Fuck.

I don't know what happened, man. But I'm back in. this guy. Oh yeah, Trump said, Hamas actually behaved pretty well. I saw some big,

like, account with an Israeli flag saying, I can't believe I'm hearing this. You better believe it. You better start believing it, man. And then the ADL posted, um,

Lindsey Graham says, Israel, quite frankly, oh, President Trump a lot. when you've lost that homosexual, you are fucking toast. If you've lost the gay Israel,

all you have left are the blacks. And we know how the black Israelites are. And that has been, that towel's been wrung dry. Ooh, um, let's see, I got some quotes here. What was the one I was saying? Van says you can't just kill your way

out of every national security problem. You're a country of 9 million people. What's your actual proposal? Damn. Sounds like Nick Fuentes is writing for these guys now. Just waking up out of a fucking slumber. What is fucking going on, man? Hmm.

Oh, wait. What am I looking for? So this guy, uh, oh yeah. The Israel Minister of National Security said, for every tier of an Israeli mother that's a bad start already for every tier like when you for every tier of an Israeli mother

okay it's very poetic but a little bit of vaginae a little bit of vagina monologues yeah a thousand Lebanese mothers must weep all of Lebanon must burn it's like six million people in Lebanon a lot of Christians in Lebanon

all of Lebanon must burn Yeah I'm like that's a bit extreme Ooh Do you put that in writing On Twitter? Man Imagine Imagine not giving a fuck

That much With all due respect to the Americans Israel must make it clear To the entire world That the blood of our sons And the security of our citizens Are not forfeit All of Lebanon must burn

You repeated yourself Our supreme duty is to protect the citizens of Israel and the soldiers of the IDF, and this commitment takes precedence over every other consideration. No, we know. We're getting the message. The boomers don't know, but we do. We get it. I told the prime minister, even in our private meetings,

for every tier of an Israeli mother, a thousand Lebanese mothers must be. You said that already. You move the good stuff up to the front. Enough with the ping pong. Enough with the ping pong. That must sound cooler in Hebrew. In the Middle East, you don't win with measured responses and restraint.

You need to go berserk to obliterate, to crush the terror. Oh, man, sounding a little bit hysterical there. Yeah, it is pretty funny. Sounding a little bit afraid that you might have gone too far, pissed everyone off. Now it's time for the screeching. And then the ADL comes in with this one. This is well-timed. Let me find it.

they're pissed off about goyslop the phrase yeah here it is goyslop let me load this so i can get it right in typical fashion goyslop oh goyslop there it is the adl you know they just like to ruin lives you see that kid that got uh said he didn't want to work for jewish people or something So the head of Palantir came out and told another guy to dox him. Really crazy stuff. That was fucking crazy. Yeah.

And Lord Miles ran a Kickstarter for him. Oh, shit. Got him like 30 grand. You're not much. Pretty good for goys. Pretty good turnout for the goys. Yeah. A slur.

There's the ADL says about goyslop. A slur doesn't stop being a slur because teenagers started using it. Today's New York Times on language column treats the anti-Semitic slur goyslop as a fun linguistic curiosity rather than what it is, a term rooted in white supremacist conspiracy theories. Normalizing this kind of language is dangerous.

You know, goyslop is not just edgy slang. It combines goy. Here we get a lesson. The Hebrew word that colloquially refers to non-Jews. Don't play that far, yeah. Yeah, you know, R-N word for white people. Oh.

Oh, it can, it combines our N word for you um with slop to promote a conspiracy theory that Jewish people deliberately poison non-Jews with cheap food to keep them docile. I don't think that's exactly

what it means. Um well you're losing a little bit of the nuance you know. Right. It's kind of just like manufactured garbage that's not necessarily unhealthy but it's empty calories

done for profit and it's readily available where the yeah it was coined and spread by anti-Semites and white supremacists no amount of teenage adoption changes that origin such terms spread negative stereotypes and conspiracy theories their normalization

is exactly what bigots who coined to them aspire to be a bit more on this here. You know, I used to be that I would see stuff like this and it would be annoying and I'd be, I would kind of laugh it off. Say like, uh, you know,

here they go again. You know, overreacting, throwing a big fit, big tantrum. Same thing with liberals do this shit too. Conservatives do it too, but they don't really run the show, so, you know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter when they throw a big fit. They can't even outlaw abortion.

so who cares. I'm sure they don't want to get, they don't want Jesus getting made fun of either, but they don't control shit. So it doesn't matter when they get upset. But now I see this shit like this. I think since having a kid, it really,

it really pisses me off a lot, a lot more. It used to be, it would annoy me, and I would feel condescension. I would, I would feel condescension toward it and derision toward it. but I feel like it's something I could deal with,

you know, you just got to speak encoded language, like update your slurs, that kind of thing. But now, I don't really see, I don't really see it as attacking me anymore. I see it going directly after kids, which is what it's always been. Because they're going after, and they're not even hiding it.

They're going after teenagers, even in the post. Hey, go, hey, your kids are racist. You got to fuck with your kids' brains. Yeah. And teach them how to be, teach them how to deal with this hyper-reactive, um, violent, international people. Uh, it's, it really, it pisses me off a lot more when I see stuff like this. Yeah.

Than it did. Than it did before having a kid. Well, because the thing is is, is, again, We're getting old. I know you're already there, but it's like in the time of just being alive, you see like, as a kid, like, oh, okay, cool. You learn about like Roberto Clemente and like all these people. And then before you know it, you're like, holy shit.

Like, it's only going to get worse and worse and worse and worse. Like, you know, what started as this innocent thing. Like, okay, like here's all these people. And then it turns into like, actually now we're going to control all of this. Like you can't think outside of these times. It's like, what the fuck? And we're going to go after your kids. Yeah, and it's only going to get smaller and more narrow-minded and fucking...

Because I see the same guy go, well, forever, you know, we got to make Lebanon mothers cry and burn. Everybody in Lebanon must burn. It's the same message. Yeah. It's the same fucking message. If they had slightly more, if the ADL had slightly more leverage, they don't even have leverage to stop people from saying goyslop. And they're acting like it, you know, because they want you to think that they do. But if they had even slightly more, it would be, well, we got to burn them. We got to kill them.

We got to find any American teenagers that are saying goyslop or whatever that are not thinking the way, even if they're not like super high up on Israel. We've got to find them. We've got to kill them. We've got to sign them up for the army somehow. We've got to cut their dicks off. We've got to do something. It's really pissing me off a lot, a lot more than it ever did. Uh, okay. Let me find what else I got here. But it's fun to say. It's fun to say, dude.

It's fun to hear. And it's a great, what are you going to tell people not to say slurs about their own culture, man? Like, come on. Yeah, that's our word. It's reclaiming power, dude. Yeah. We might not have invented it, but if we're the ones that say. We didn't invent reclaiming a word, but we're going to do it.

Yeah. We're going to do it now. Stop saying go if you don't want. Stop having words. Stop. labeling us as such if you don't want us to embrace the label. Yeah. You know it's fun to say.

You came up with it. Right. It's as cutting as it sounds. Just let us have it. It's racist for you to even bring up. And say don't use it. It's our word. And it's our word.

Like retarded, yeah. Yeah. It's our word and it's our word. It's our word. And our word. Let's see. I got another stringy. hair trans.

Dude, man, when you fucking... Why is their hair so fucked, man? Dude, because you know what it is? No real woman will be like,

hey, you got to like get that shit fucking taken care of. Like, a real woman wouldn't go out with hair that stringy, would they?

Real women don't use fucking three and one shampoo, man. Stringy hair. Yeah. Gee, and it's most of it's missing. too. Is that boogie in a wig?

Feeling cute pose. Gilles. Clergy? What? Church of Satan? Maybe it's like a portmanteau of clogged artery.

Clawed artery. New Hampshire's first transgender elected representative Stacey Lawton sentenced to 33 years in prison for sexual exploitation of children Oh

Fucking think Huh Wow I guess it could be anybody It could be anybody It could be anybody Could have been anybody man Comes out of nowhere That's fucking crazy

Say no way This person was a pedophile No fucking way Yeah It could be shocked man yeah Hmm Mm mm mm mm mm It could be anybody

You me this person feeling cute god damn it's like you see the fucking how thin the whole dome is and it's like man you can't be put a wig on ma'am put a fucking wig on put a fucking wig on

that's crazy or like that one guy that put a girl on the drag queens got they never look like this drag queens don't come out looking like no is this identifying his hair That's actually offensive to drag queens because they spent a lot of fucking time on that shit, man. They really pack their nuts in, too.

You got to stuff them into your asshole like putting quarters in a machine. African and Caribbean nations to officially move forward with seeking reparations for slavery. I don't know if now is the right time, fellas. It was called, we bought all your reggae records. Like, what more do you want? Let's send them some nuclear waste. Just give them Kool-Aid, dude. They already got pineapples.

We'll make a deal with their warlord to send them some batteries. Dude, you know what we could do too? Yeah, is show them second life. There's always a hustle on there, man. We'll give you a warlord a couple extra bucks, but all of you have to be gay. You remember those things where it was like a,

like you'd get like a, of Africans like send us $5,000 and so they'd be like, yeah, if you just hold up this sign that says like, I'm a huge, oh man. Yeah, that was funny. Staggering number of Berkeley law students claim they're disabled as emotional disorders skyrocket.

Okay. I don't want a disabled lawyer. Fucking. But what if you're like suing for you know, getting fired for not working? Then you do want like somebody who knows how to work every someone who's just

the biggest fucking cock sucker in the whole world yeah exactly this is their training they're training to work the system

an eye popping number of students I don't know about eye popping do you think the law school can call bullshit on it and they have to fucking I mean I think

this is like law school now like here we have all these retarded programs that you have to get around uh you have to say the right things and lie You have to lie about all these things.

I was in an Uber recently. Like me and Keanu are going somewhere. And this fucking Uber driver, boomer. I felt bad for him at first. I'm like, man, you shouldn't be driving. It sucks to drive an Uber at your age. Yeah. Whatever.

He's talking about how hard it is to get a job. And then his next sentence, he was talking about how his niece is an immigration lawyer and works in Washington, D.C. And he's, like, so proud of her. I'm like, well, that's why you don't have a job, fucking idiot. You dumb fuck. You deserve to be here, you piece of shit. You deserve to be using your feet, like Fred Flintstone.

We're driving everyone around a rickshaw. You fucking traitor. You know, I thought he meant he shouldn't have arms like that guy and you drive around the steering wheel. Lop those fucking arms off. Man. I always have that same thought, too. I'm like, I see an old guy or lady driving car.

I'm like, that's a bummer. And I'm like, maybe I should tip him a little extra. Then I start hearing about their life. And then I'm like, you shouldn't even be doing this. Yeah, you cause this, you fucking piece of shit. At least don't be proud of it. There's 378 law students in UC Berkeley's disabled students program, approximately a third of enrollment.

So Berkeley's got a bunch of lawyers pretending to be retarded? I mean, it is Berkeley. Yeah. Traders. This marks a massive shift from just five years ago when only three percent of grad students claimed a disability. What do you get from being disabled?

I want some disabled parking. I'm going to try to get some because of my hypercuses. We're driving around in all these national parks, right? These stupid bitch ranger saying, oh, okay, we got to wait for a spot, you know, because it's so exclusive. The millions of acres, they talk about. all these millions of acres and how important it is to preserve,

but it's, number one, it's a car tour, and number two, like, you can't do anything. I don't know what it's being preserved. You can't do a goddamn thing.

And all the, the hikes are like, the hikes are basically paved, like at Disneyland. Like, they might as well have fungeners in there stacking, like,

rocks for steps. There's no, there's the suggestion of nature. Like, you can look around and see, nature, but it's not any more or less than in LA. Like, I can look and see mountains over there, but then I can go to a Walmart parking lot.

A parking lot the size of Walmart would do nothing to distract from what ostensibly is a grossly consumptive tourist destination. This is not preserving nature. I don't know if you guys think that, but you're running a shitty Jurassic Park. That's what this is. You've got key chains, you've got stickers. The only thing you don't have is parking. Get your fucking act together.

Oh, can you turn your car off because it's bad for the environment? Shut up, you fucking, shut up, bitch. Yeah. Get the bears on this one. Turn your brain off. It's fucking hot. It's hot out here in Jackson's old. It's hot out here, you jackass.

She's like, it's bad for us and it's bad for the environment. Like, well, which one is it? Right. It's bad for all things big and small. I hate, I hate park people. I fucking hate park people. I hate park rangers so fucking much. But their attitude, we're conserving nature. You're running a theme park. You're running a theme park for white people.

They act like you're at their house. Yeah. And it's like, no, no, no, you sleep up in the fucking wash tower. That's fine. But this ain't your house. You're a bum. Yeah, you're... This isn't your house. You're basically a bum.

You're basically fucking homeless. What is it? Their dumb little guard tower? Dude, and it's all the like, well, I'm a ranger. It's like you're fucking like. You're a loser. You're not like some fucking sniper or some shit. You're like a fucking rent a cop basically.

Yeah. An antisocial rent a cop. Put a trash can. Put a vending machine on the trail. Like what would that do? Give them more responsibilities. It's not that they can. care about the environment is their job

to pick up all the trash. So that's why they're like, don't do any... Don't, you better not do any trash. I have to go pick up. Yeah, exactly. It's not that they care about the environment, dude. This fucking stuff here is all trash. This booth that is trash. These cars are trash, yeah. It was so annoying when she said that.

Oh, we do it on purpose to make an exclusive experience. Like, what is you, what are you, Dorcia? What do you mean an exclusive experience? Are you dosing me beforehand? What the fuck? Just because you don't have parking. Just say it.

Put in more cement. They just waterboard you for your exclusive experience. They're so big. Millions of acres. Nothing. Sell it all. Put a strip mall here. Fuck you.

Well, the stupid thing is if you're going there just to be in the car, it's like, why even go? Yeah. Yeah. You can get the same fucking kind of nature. you just go to any of the canyons out here just going to hike millions of fucking hiking trails out here i know the first day we had a car tour i didn't know it'd be an all car tour thought it'd be like hiking but it wasn't and don't had diarrhea all day so hey don't come on i had diarrhea the past 36 years man give

him a break you shit through all the diapers all the wet wives i'd have borrow wet wives from this lady like uh and we're not doing we're not doing illusone This could be brownstone after that Critics claim the numbers Evidence of a sham by students To take advantage of woke considerations But yeah Yeah yeah yeah

Let's see President Trump said no more Somalians in the U.S. Their country stinks They contribute nothing You know Where the fuck was this guy for a year? Yeah Fuck

He took a gap year he did take a gap year stupid Hamas fucked with them we need to have taco balls or was taco bowls taco bowls or was taco bowls

that guy back Pope I said I have Pope Fsler written but I don't think that's his name Pope Leo criticized blanket remigration as a solution I love that that term has picked up

like a blatant like PC P-Cization Un housed By the bad guys Like to make deporting sound good We're gonna remigrate them I'm gonna use your words

You fucking pieces of shit You know how you love You know how you're so proud of your home country Well, dude You can take all the pride you want over there As a solution of the migrant crisis In Europe saying it doesn't respect The personhood of foreigners

Why? Go back to where you came from Personhood Yeah That would imply That's where he came from Fucking people Oh, hell

many times we don't recognize the reasons why these people had to leave their countries well because they suck put two and two together yeah many reasons violence war conflict oh okay

those are all different things this is thesaurus day at the Vatican many reasons it could be violence could be killings Could be maimings. Could be beatings.

People who make lists just to make a list, like to make their idea sound more impactful than it is, are con artists. They're like, you know, it could be three different mothers, Mother Nature, Mother Earth, or motherfucking Somalis, you know? Just like... Such a fucking sleazy con artist. So simply saying we'll send them away

so we can wash our hands of the problem doesn't seem like the most Christian response to me. Pope F. Slur. We really need to look at those cases and above all treat people with respect. Who's we? Who the fuck is we? What is the Vatican doing?

God, I would love the Vatican to just get raped while I'm alive. I would love to see some terrorists sneak in a fucking snook and just wipe it out. That would be so fucking great. Want to see all the gold reserves there, man. Yeah, I want to see the, I want to see what they got hiding.

Give us the good shit, you know, I'm tired of like... Show us the leprechauns. Yeah. Show us how you can make clouds underground. Like, come on. Let me see it. Let me see the old machines. They're so greedy.

Yeah. Like everybody else is, oh, look at this cool shit. Hey, look at this. We discovered this pyramid. Look at all this shit in the pyramid. But the Vatican's like, we have a bunch of cool shit. We're not showing anybody. We're actually built on top of an upside-down pyramid.

that you'll never be able to see. They're such assholes. I wish God would smite them. He needs to. We really need to look at these cases and above all treat people with respect as individuals. Well, they're getting plane tickets.

I can respect that. They need to get like a meal service? Plain tickets and then all the flights that go missing? Um, okay. What do we got here? Something with Germany. Goyslop, I did that one.

They're going to ban the internet for kids. That's crazy. Just ban the internet, man. Let's all go back outside. Dian it for adults. Doesn't just ban the whole shit. Unless you're working on a project where you need to fucking upload files, that's fine.

you're working on a project. Yeah. You're not allowed to go on unless you're working on a project. That's it. The whole internet is going to go through Slack. Not even Slack. It's just you get fucking Dropbox and that's the only internet app. Yeah, you can look at files.

You can look at files. You can just receive files. That's it. No clever, like, oh, here's a file. No HTML files. Yeah, no. Just like. JPEGs.

It's exclusive to like Word. Yeah. Fucking. Powerpoints. Powerpoints. Excel. Yeah. If you can't make it in Microsoft office.

No collaborating. Make a copy. Make your own copy. Yeah. Doing it fucking... Get rid of HTTP. We're using it for a reason not to just waste our fucking days away.

Okay. Oh, it says, woman alert. Woman alert. Woman alert Be a cop Point your gun A woman a cop is a joke Ha ha ha holster gun she shoots you

Oh no What happened to you So you got cops screwing around with guns Mm-hmm Oh what the hell was that This idiot cop Standing behind his SUV Pulls his gun out and points it

at another cop who's driving up. Yeah, you're the, you're, we're in the dash cam of a cop driving up to a bunch of other cops. This fat, stupid cop pulls his gun out,

points it at the woman. Big mistake, dumb. And then he puts his gun away. They're all laughing. And then she shoots him. What the fuck was that? Is that her?

A police incident. Okay. Cool. Cops gotta have fun too. Yeah, I guess so. What else is there to do in Pasadena, man? Frank the Tank wrote in.

I don't know if you remember him. He called in a long time ago. Bonus episode 8. Dusty memory, yeah. Kill himself. Did he buy the shirt? No. Oh, then that's why he wrote in.

It was before I had the shirt. He called in because we were going to see who would be the life coach's next protege. That's right. And we had a couple people call in thinking it would be fun. It was fun. But Frank's call was simply, I'm thinking about killing myself and then he was crying. It was a pretty good episode. Not at the time, it was a little shocking, I think, but it was still funny.

It was still interesting. And now it takes much more to be shocking on this show. Yeah, seriously. But then that episode where I stole the generator from Dodger Stadium, and my wife said that she took it out of the trunk, I put it in her Uber to steal it. Right. And she said that she took it out, and I went ballistic.

And she said she was just kidding. He said he didn't. didn't kill himself because it was a real sappy post. He said that if he could find a woman like that, then there was hope for him. Like, okay, whatever. I was hoping that she wouldn't read that. And then she was like, oh, did you see that guy post about me on Reddit?

And I'm like, eh, that was like eight years ago, I think. But he's back. He posted again. He says, not sure if people still remember me, but I'm currently in rehab after a four-year stint of being a, homeless addict. Currently on Suboxone and two and a half months clean. Sorry for that shit show.

I don't know who that's to. I wish you the best. Also, getting back into music again. No, don't do that. Get into like spreadsheets. Don't get, don't be in recovery and get into music. Don't, yeah, music will send you right back to being a homeless addict. Yeah.

Get into selling knives store to door. Sell them cut cone knives. Get on the Kirby vacuum train. Mm-hmm. You know? Get into like business-oriented things. Mm-hmm. I'll post some demos.

Life on the streets of SoCal was hell. Oh, she was a homeless in SoCal? Damn. Wow. You mean I could have accidentally antagonized him? Shit. Sorry. He voted for Nithia Rahman.

I saw a homeless guy under my bridge the other day. Yeah. I said, hit a sign that said, I will do anything for a buck. except gay shit. That could have been him. That could have been him, dude. Seems someone stole my cell phone and ID,

and you need an ID for a government-issued cell phone. No way. So I had a hard time catching up on the show. It was a tough point where I was at. This girl let me use her phone to call my mom. Life hit me hard, but yeah, can you fill me on what's happening? on your show the last four years. I miss listening to it.

You're going to have to just listen to him. Yeah. Sean's gone. I had a kid and Vito and I haven't spoken in a couple years. That's about it. And Super Killer's still not out. Vino died in a house fire.

Vito went back to his home planet. He's got two little antenna. I've never noticed the whole time. You think he's... I logged into Discord and I see Vito... What did he say? Let me find the quote exactly. Yeah, he posted this.

It was about a convicted sex offender got a baby boy due to surrogacy, so they paid some woman to have a baby boy for them. Two gay guys. Shouldn't have a surrogate kid. normally shouldn't have a cigarette kid should be illegal for anybody

It's just a weird I mean of all the things that are illegal That's among them Like of all the things that are made illegal Paying someone to have a fucking kid for you Is Obviously one of them And the kind of weirdo who agrees to it

Yeah Sick And then when you throw on top of that gay men And then when you throw on top of that gay men And then when you throw on top of that convicted sex offender we're well into the no, we're well into

the no category. Shotgun shampoo time. Uh-huh. Vita says you can't legally prevent sex offenders from having children, nor should you want to. Why the fuck would I not? These motherfuckers are going to be eating

gummy bears and they're subsidized housing talking about how society should be run. Fucking Lord of the Red Lord of Reddit. God damn. You can't legally prevent sex offenders from having children. Sure you can.

Kill them. Yeah. There's one. There's one right off the top of my head. Legally kill them. The judge goes, death. I sentence you to death. Because you're a sex offender.

Dead. And you're weird for wanting a fucking baby. That's like... Oh, sex offense? Execution. Oh, okay. There you go. Legally prevented.

Nor should you want to. I definitely do. I definitely do. Yeah. Want to stop convicted. Maybe. Is this even a real thing? I don't know.

There's no way he said this. So that's what's happening for the last four years. Man. What a four years it's been. Yeah. Hope things work out for your music. Frank. Mm-hmm.

Fit to fat in two years. Hey, Dick, check this out. All right. Goy Slop. Well, that'll definitely do it, too? This is apparently the same woman who flashed Charlie Kirk. She reappeared in a video by some idiot and said something to discuss blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, this is the same woman, but two years apart.

Oh, she looks hot here. Wow. She's got her Frappuccino. I just blurred out. She showed her nipple to Charlie Kirk. Ugh, stupid bitch. And then this is her two years later. It's just half-hearted. It's like, come on.

It's the only thing they know how to do, show their tits. And then here's two years later, the same woman, allegedly. Whoa. Elena Dunham. And she even adopted the fat chick, like, mesh, black mesh tablecloth that they wear. the big top dude fat goth

yeah it's those bitches who are really into like fucking like the weird side of like fairies and mysticism and fucking have like a bunch of like dark and maroon colored things everywhere yeah way too much incense and shit and it's like man

you're just like a fat bitch with like 10 cats like you're not where do they go to order this outfit it's like in a video game You get a certain weight, and then it's just like, it just unlocks fucking all the new parts of the map for you. Yeah. Man, oh man. Even her phone got fatter.

That's crazy. Look at this to this. God. It's barely enough time to get her pregnant for these young boys. We'll see, and that's what two years of going to protest to debate rallies will do to you. Yeah, two years of liberal activism. in two pictures boom

like I think about it and hearing when like you know younger people are like oh I'm going to go to this like fucking this like activism event or whatever and it's just like

what a waste of fucking time man yeah like I hate hearing about politics out of wild like I'm not going to go seek out going to a political well especially for women because you're going to stress yourself out and then you're going to eat

That's why, that is why, that's why women who get into politics are so fat. Because they, there's always something to be stressed about. Nothing ever works like you wanted to, never. And then they just get neurotic and they have to eat it away. These bitches are all turning into Kathy comics, dude. Yeah, it should be illegal. Along with gay, convicted child molesters having a surrogate baby. Those two things are.

Equally bad. Women getting into politics. Because this is the kind of woman who does the surrogacy because she's like, oh yeah. I'm at these two nice sex offenders. Is that Vito thing real? Somebody tell me if that's real. It's very own brand. It is on brand.

Somebody tell me if that's real. I don't think it's real. Why would he say that? Why would it such a nice guy? I already say something like that. Why would you want to be? be on the internet. Why was such a polite and well-meaning

and well-intentioned young man? What are they talking about in here? They're talking about frogtony, always in there. Okay, fit to fat. Thanks. Thanks for that. That's such a crazy. Yeah.

And then, you know what these diet pill companies do? If they post them in the reverse order, and they're like, you take this magic pill, you're going to go from looking like this fat cow to fucking being a bitch. Showing her tips off. They're looking like a bitch. Mr. Banks says,

fuck that guy. Your baby stories are great. Oh, okay. Thank you. Trio Doug says, talk about Frogtony and Little Movie Purp. Getting raped in federal prison. I saw something about

shit. Them getting raped. I guess they said they were going to shoot up Ethan Man Skyvers for the fans event or something. Or they made some kind of cute joke that was supposed to

make people afraid that can somebody give me Trio Doug can you give me the rundown of that it's funny because I blocked that little movie perp guy and he melted down about it that's funny it's a bad sign yeah only weirdos really do that

so over fucking like again we need to just unplug the internet it's only for sending Microsoft Office file but like 2003 Microsoft Office. None of this new like shit. Yeah. The one you pay for once and get it forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Perp situation to me, what did he do? What did he do exactly? All right. Exactly. Let's see if that works. Cool. So I saw them arguing about it and Ethan Van Schuyver got called by the FBI

and he said that they were joking, but the FBI, you know, they don't really if you get a visit from them that's like not a there's no joke around like yeah there's a lot of government waste expenditures but that's like not

one of them it's a pretty specific joke that's a very neat humor I like it it's kind it's kind of like you know we're all there's a lot of government

overreach and like tyranny and we're kind of saving our energy for the people who weren't asking for it. You know? Like, Count Dancula, doing his dog,

making his dog do the Hitler salute with gas, the Jews. Like, that's just like him goofing around with a dog. So when the government goes after him, everybody, like, spends their energy on that. When you have, like, a handful of nobody attention horrors that are joking about, like, shooting up a small comic festival, that someone is trying to get off the ground.

It's not really, there's a, it's not, principles aren't the only thing in life. There's a opportunity cost to spending your energy on F slurs and losers. And it's not worth it. It's just not worth it.

When retards get stomped for being retarded, it's actually good. You know, retards are worse than tyranny, than government tyranny, because they're kind of the root cause of all evil. retarded attention

retarded attention hors are worse. So it's like rock paper scissors. If the government's going to use tyranny to wipe out some retarded attention horrors, I unfortunately have to back the government because I hate retarded attention horrors more. Well, and it's like, you know,

in the world we live in these days, you know, post-Columbine, post-posts like all these other little things. Oh, it's Islam. Yeah. Post-Ferguson, dude. Uh-huh. No one talks about Ferguson anymore.

You know that? Okay, Johnny Rocket says, Frogtony threatened to fight people at For the Fans Fest. Is it for the fans' fest? Is it FTF? Or is it for the fans' con? Then Little Movie Purp threatened to shoot up the place and made a song. Can you give me the exact things that they said?

Yeah, I'm tired of listening to AI music. Oh, I absolutely despise AI music. Oh, you thought we were done. You thought it was just going to be one, one, one, uh. We are already one. Now we're just doing this for fun. We bringing you curses, hitting in verses. Now you get into verses.

All right. All right. All right. We go in our gentle. We're gonna turn this bitch sentimental. Get blood on our shoes. Don't give a fucking surrender. Okay.

Well, does it get worse from there? I imagine so. This already started pretty bad. Yeah. There's nothing like hearing the hollow sound of an already, like, inane rap beat. But when it's like that certain AI hollowness, too, I can't fucking.

Yeah. The hollowness of AI is very grating. It's very grating. people who really want to get your attention like former spurned fans are dangerous. You don't know which you don't know which ones are crazy not because they snap. They have like that obsession.

Women have to deal with it all the time. Guys just snapping and killing them. And it's much, much worse when it happens to internet celebrities. Yeah. Much more important. Okay, thanks Johnny Rocket. What is the rest of this? Uh, Iraqiobacari says the Scottish Uno reverse stabbing.

Was there more that happened with the stabbing? I don't think so I saw the EU passed some kind of like get rid of them throw them out kind of thing Hmm I don't know

Okay yes Get me more information Johnny Rocket That's the show Let's do some voice meals Oh Patreon.com slash the dick show See you next week

I'm back Baby Hey Frog Tony said he would Fight people at the Fest When he was told he was banned For that He's a really angry guy

That's a fucking maniac right there When he showed up here When he was on the biggest problem Oh yeah He was fucking pissed that Vito didn't pick him up He came straight down here and was seething I was like Ugh, I don't know

This is not a Mentally unwell Yeah this is not a This is not one of us Kind of person Yeah Uh Okay what the

Jesus Fuck is this Jesus Dick I got a rage for you Google reviews Now I hand up that one-star Google reviews like it's candy.

Cool. If you look at me wrong, I give you a one-star Google review. It's great. It's not a problem. It's got some joy. Hundreds, maybe thousands of one-star Google reviews. He's a one-star man.

Never has it benefit me in any way. One-star days, too. Never has a company come back and said, hey, we'll give you a hundred bucks, whatever. Just I've gotten a lot of responses from companies were sorry you felt that way sir sorry you felt that way which means nothing sorry you felt something hey

sorry your business burned down in any case one's not the arsonist called in today it feels good to write it all out yeah and then on the flip side I'm actually a quality manager at a factory that does, let's just say a product that goes to wholesale.

Team move. Cocksucking. Lose their minds when they get less than a five-star Google review. Hey guys. Wholesale cocks sucking, man. I'm going to hit all of my own customers with one-star Google review. Guys with Cox. For many of the burner accounts I have,

just to hurt their feelings. of their cocks. It's the feeling economy. All it is is how people feel. No one is making business decisions. No one is losing money based off of Google reviews.

All it is people trade it. We got off the gold standard. And now all it is... Okay, okay. This guy really likes his one-star reviews. Do you think he works in quality control? Do you think if someone left a one-star review

on him, he would fucking lose his shit. He would snap, dude. He would fucking lose it. What do you mean, one star on me? I'm the quality guy. He can't leave his work at work. Like, he leaves work and then just does the opposite. Like, he does his job.

Dude, yeah. The opposite of his job. He's a workaholic, man. He's a workaholic. He's like a fucking health inspector off duty, man. All right. This is a not so friendly reminder that yield signs that fucking roundabouts are not stop signs.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Go with the flow of traffic, retards. Yeah. God, I fucking hate roundabouts. Yeah. People can't do them. People can't do them.

Roundabouts are great. It's just the people are fucking... Mm-hmm. Hey, Dick. I got a rage for you. And it's how ungrateful people are. Just absolutely... Cut straight to the point.

I pull in, you know, gas station, fill up my car. And I see someone's got their guest kept open. Before they leave, I tell them, hey, you left your gas camp open. They're pissed off. Okay. I don't see how this is my fucking issue that I help you. But then someone goes to pay the register or something, not tonight,

but someone goes to pay at the register and they leave their credit card in the thing. And it's beeping and say, hey, you left your card in there. And they go, yeah, I know. I'm like, okay, you're about to walk away. I know. What do you think you got me? I'm going to fight about it? Best case, near you come back and get it.

But people are so blind, like their ear, they're, you're blind to that shit. They don't hear the beeping. They're so used to it. They ignore it. And now, I'm calling because I pulled into a fucking truck stop off the interstate. And I see this as a fucking semi-truck

with a flat fucking tire. Oh, they really don't like that. I get a hold of the guy. I pound on the side of the cab and he comes to a fucking window. I'm just down here smoking, whatever. But he comes to a fucking window and he goes, what the fuck do you want? I say, buddy, you got flat tire. you would not believe what this fucking guy said to me.

Just nobody appreciates anything. This is a worst road trip I have ever done in my life. People are pissed at me everywhere I go. I fucking hate the East Coast. Wait, what did he say? What did he say? You fucker? Did he say, could you quit fucking knocking?

I'm getting my dick sucked by a bum right now? The fuck? What do you? Please don't help. You're helping. Don't help. Yeah, just let him go. No one's ungrateful, dude.

Cares. Don't help. Watch them have a bad time and know that in your heart, if you would have helped them, they would have punished you for it. Let them punish themselves by you not intervening and helping.

Okay, here it is. Frogtony said he would fight people at the fest. He was told he was banned for that. He said he'd go to the parking lot across the street. Okay. Then Perp said he would shoot it up and made that song. All right.

So this is the clip. Balder has the clip. All right. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it for balder, man. How long is it? This better not be very long. One minute. Okay. I'll do one minute. A validation from your audience. Yeah, bro. I said, nice try, but you know that's a lie. That said, you lick the urinal pipe and wear adult diapers. Who do you think you're clowning? Buddy, buddy. Hey, Ethan, I didn't even mention this because I tried to not really go in on you too hard. but your wife left you, Ethan.

You want to talk about looking for validation. No, no, no. He wants to talk about looking for validation from a woman. And I was messaging someone unwanted. You know a lot about being unwanted, don't you, E? Because your wife left with the skydiving instructor. Bro, you want to talk about love lives? You want to be on fucking go there?

Come on. This is way too personal. Can we talk about shooting up fan fest? I'm just saying I'm kidding disavow He says Oh

That's what For what Well Swing and a myth You know So you said you'd Fight people in the parking lot And you want to talk about

Shooting up Fan Fest Well The problem Is you mean one of them All right And you're also ranting about someone's love life in a really aggressive way. The FBI is kind of, maybe the FBI wants to MK ultra them. Like maybe they're looking for someone to actually do a shooting.

That's what their job is, right? They find weirdos and get them to do shootings. Yeah. Create a different kind of example out of them. I mean, I don't know. I don't really know these two. weirdos so all bets are off

man well can't be you can't be saying shit like that you can't fucking be saying shit like that dude it's like the guy it's like the guy in your friend group that just goes too far he's like oh man you can't like

you can't make jokes like that because it doesn't seem like you're joking yeah it's like that it's one thing if you make an offhanded comment but like when you spend your whole life being so hateful and just like all I'm doing is going and attacking people verbally now I'm going to go do it physically. It's like well that's not a joke. Okay. Yeah. You're not joking about that but you are joking about shooting it up.

Yeah. Don't be doing the shit that'll get you a knock on the door, I guess. Let's hear that again. For validation? For what? For validation from your audience? because saying that you're going to shoot it up is also illegal yeah like even if you didn't mean it saying it as a threat is still illegal

I don't know if you guys don't know that but you're clearly pissed off at EBS and trying to fuck up his thing so saying let's talk about shooting it up I mean yeah there's so much established intent that it's like

yeah it's hard to undo this one fellas what did you what was the joke yeah the joke doesn't follow from what oh let's listen to it again but you know that's a lie that said you lick the urinal pipe

and wear adult diapers who do you think you're clowning okay buddy buddy hey Ethan I didn't even mention this because I try to not really go in on you too hard. But your wife left you, Ethan. You want to talk about looking for validation? No, no, no.

He wants to talk about looking for validation from a woman and I was messaging someone unwanted. You know a lot about being unwanted, don't you, E? Because your wife left with the skydiving instructor. Bro, you want to talk about love lives? You want to be on fucking go there? Come on. This is way too personal.

Can we talk about shooting up fan fest? Something also deeply personal. Yeah. Is that personal? Well, okay. Have fun being raped in prison, I guess. Enjoy prison stalker child. Fucking.

The FBI got called. Tony and Evias thing. Oh, Balder called him. Movie Purp has completely toned down everything. Refuses to go on Tony's show. You mean his. this is stream none of these people have shows

it's not a show it's just a zoom call with a bunch of fucking losers you don't go down to the station you don't rehearse anything you don't have there's no accounting department talking about there's no fucking billing there's no nobody there's it's you are in front

of a shitty webcam fucking talking to the internet it's not a show it's a stream it refuses to go on Tony's show or comment on any drama. Save to say I won. Oh, Balder won. Okay.

I wish we were, I wish I was being my usual egoist self. But this all actually went down when the whisper gang ain't got shit about. Okay, I don't know what. I don't know what you're talking about. Can't be fucking with Balder, man. Yeah, you really can't. It's just very easy to be nice and respectful of Balder. Why do you got to...

Don't be upset in the man, you know? Hey, Dick, hey Johnny. You know what's making me a rage today? a lot of movies where the guy is right and gets to gloat about it my wife and I don't watch him his Netflix movie

he was called Fractured about this cool alcoholic who uh cool he fucks up he drops his kid in a hole and then uh in Jackson Hole his marriage is on the rocks

but it's like everything starts working out in his favor where this kid in a hole wife likes him again because he like out of the hospital and then she starts going awry and his wife kid goes missing

and the whole time They're like, you're disassociating. You have a problem. You know, you're crazy. And they do a pretty good job, make you think that. And then halfway through the movie, it's like, no, wait. These people are stealing organs, and they have his wife's kid. And I'm like, I'm on the end of my fucking feed.

It was like the best movie I've ever seen for 90% of it. I'm like, yeah, waste him. Get in there and fucking waste him. And that very last scene. He's fucking crazy. He is just a big idiot who's been bubbling around. His wife and his kid have been dead the whole time. and it's like, that's not how you fucking do it.

This guy should have that over on his wife for the rest of time. It's a cool movie with Kurt Russell where his wife gets kidnapped at a gas station and like nobody in this pot on town believes him. But he's right. Or that one, uh, prisoners, right? Where the fucking huge Jackman is like, huge Jackman, huge Jackman.

That retarded kid took my kid and I know it. And the cops like, yeah, well, you got to do things by the book. This fucking movie round up here? his hammer figure it out, you know, and I just pisses me off. All right, see ya. The fucking, what, Roper's Ghost?

Ebert's Ghost, called in. So it had a happy ending. His wife was dead. Yeah. Sounds like a fun movie. Okay, let's do this. Let's do it. Johnny's brain, wrong.

Oh, no. All right, Dick, today we got, what did I title this one? Like something about a resounding, Yes. Who cares about the title? Oh, the yes heard around the world. Right.

Okay. Let's see here. There we go. If her dash doesn't look like this when you guys go out, is she really a fat girl? And it's, oh, God. I saw the beginning of her arm. Jesus. So her dash is covered in a lunch, which for her is.

About seven rappers from Chick-fil-A. Yeah, so some guys had a lunch date with Vivendum with a wig on. Oh, my God. Her arms are so fat. And they move, like, a lot, too. A lot of jiggling there. A lot of jiggling around. So her first arm is fat, but then it connects to this, like, fish-shaped, like Dorado.

Like the whole band, yeah. Yeah. Oh, what else is this fat bitch? Official. K Bear QD BBW. Is there an organization that gives out official BBW designations? Like the National Park Service?

There needs to be that. Fish and wildlife. Just start going down Hollywood Boulevard and like, you, you wouldn't this. Yeah. I guess it'd be more of a New York thing than Hollywood, but. You're officially one fat bitch. You are officially a BBW.

What is this poor bastard doing? Oh, Danny Mullen? Why is he on here? What the fuck? Well, would you use ranch's loob? I would, actually. Right in the crease here. They'll just come right through.

Dude. These bitches are so fat. Okay, so. She's cut off. I need having to do less than three minutes. Anyways, I know these women in the documentary, except most of them.

And I've heard these stories before. And, um, I mean, sometimes you don't want to believe what you just hear. And I totally respect that. When you just hear something, it could just be made up, especially like today, I hate to say it, but there is a lot of women that lie, uh, about serious topics.

Like in relationships, they lie about, um, I can't even understand what you're saying. There's just words. There's just words. There's no point to any of this. It's nonsense. Jibberish. Okay.

Dude, does she, she starts her camera and then rolls back like 10 feet. Every time she records these selfie videos. Do you think there's grooves worn into the floor from her office chair? She's on like a dolly. She's like shoved back. Office furniture by U-line. She's shaped like a pyramid. Like it.

She is the food pyramid, dude. you are what you eat and she is the food pyramid yeah snacks ranch snacks dressing seconds yeah when you ask me if she's getting dressed she's fucking drinking a bottle of ranch

Starbucks man listen listen all right oh yeah that's right it's another black people concoction so we got him a mixed one okay you're trying it out it's like a

it looks like a buzz ball so she says give him a one through ten Now listen. Yes, sir. If I taste it. Yep. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. You got it.

Did that cover it? I'm not tasty. So she was saying rate the drink. Yes. One through ten. And he goes after I taste it and she goes, yeah. And so he counts to ten. He counts to ten.

Because he thinks that's like a game. Give me a one through ten. Give me one through, like a jumping jack. And he's like, I'll be. And he outsmarted her. Yeah, you got to give me a one through ten after you tasty. That's just total crackhead. She's feeding some guy a buzzball with a piece of dry ice in it.

Is he eating the dry ice? Okay. All right. Turn him in to boomhauer immediately. That's what I'm talking about. Do you pay for that? Why are you looking at it like that? Because I want to pour something in my beer and I'm scared to do it.

No, I'm pouring it up. So we got. give me a one through ten just drink it asshole poured in a fucking beer fucking jerk so here's some real entrepreneur hours dick

you know how we love business around here it's a finance podcast oh no so this I brought a version of this in last week this is the latest one he has

I believe a lot of people sent me this too and thank you to all who have sent me this it's a shrink-wrapped coffin Bro, in loving memory of A little shoddy Brian, little B, I was close Yeah

I don't shrink wrap a coffin Come on Hey man, if it can be made, it can be sold The biggest scooter on it What does it say? In loving memory of Brian Kent McKenzie Jr.

Lil B. Forever in our I should say hearts but that doesn't look like an H Forever in our arteries. The biggest scooter. Oh, it does say forever in our hearts. Oh.

The biggest scooter. Why is the H so far away from the E? They don't know Kearning yet. Oh, man. At the silly funeral home. His name was the biggest scooter. The biggest scooter.

I've seen the bitches built like that. Casket wraps, man. Man. You can have some shithead make a Canva casket wrap for you. You could pay them an extra fucking 500 bucks on top of the already very expensive funeral services.

We gotta find how these people get this money and shut it down. Yeah. They have too much. Give me a one through ten on this case. One through ten. One, two, three. And then, okay,

and you know, Dick, it's Father's Day. I know we didn't do last week. So here's a proper send-off for everybody. Okay. You definitely want the audio on this one. Well, besides my leg being infected, besides my leg. Look at the shin, man. I touch my leg here.

Oh, God. Just in case everyone forgot. Did she that stuff dripping down my leg? This cap isn't me, puts me the worst pain of my life. I was scrolling trying to go to sleep the other night and hit that. And I said, that was the fastest thing I've ever saved on this whole fucking life. I'm a frog, he says. Oh yeah, this guy's a homeless, like, total, like, lunatic, but...

144,000 chosen. Wasn't that Helter Skelter? Broken burning left leg. His whole Instagram family was about the pus coming out of his leg? Mm-hmm. all right goodbye everyone see everybody that was bad