The Dick Show - Episode 518 - Dick on The Women's Professional Baseball League

Episode Date: August 2, 2026

Morrocans invade Spain, defensive testicle architecture, Olympics tickets, ruining the Happy Birthday Song, the end of the Biggest Problem in the Universe, the National Anthem at opening day for the Women's Professional Baseball League, creepy robots, and Belgium pays two Black guys to dance around with their weiners out; all that and more on this episode of The Dick Show!

Ride never ends. Why did I drink all this coffee? Oh Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh, yeah, there's a whole thing we have to do here. Do do do do. Felt 15. Shit!

Oh, no! No! Don't do that! Oh, fuck! Why would they let you execute that as a command on a computer? What the fuck is that, man? Did you see what God just did to what? Are you recording?

Oh my God. Accidentally click every single drive that I have? What the fuck? Mass open. Mass double click open event. The computer had to be destroyed. Oh, and that split second, India got all of my files. What a disaster.

No. Is it possible to get a fast computer anymore? Let's see. Do you hear this? Do you hear that? I do hear that. Oh, that's great. All right.

Shut that shit off. Oh, ringing as just as historic lows. Historic lows today in my ears. Oh. I can't imagine why. I feel like... You know, I didn't... I haven't seen you in a few days.

I stopped people making that joke, and I was like, ha-ha, but then I woke up today, and it's just gone. Turns out it's not such a joke after all. That's so funny now. Not so funny after getting molested. All right, how about now? You hear that? Do you hear that? I do.

You didn't hear that? All right, let's... What? What's the thing? Oh, shit. Did I open everything? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there we go. Yeah!

Welcome to Dick. You want Dick, you need Dick. You love Dick. You got it. It's the only show where Evanston Contas coming to live from Mount Bunker Deep in the Heart of City of Failure. I'm your host, Dick Masherson,

a.k.a. The $20 million man. Joining me, as always, is Johnny the audio, What's happened? Soon to be mogul. Soon to be game mogul. To be reverse broke. Soon to be unbroke. I feel like we're missing something, honestly, but I don't know what it is.

You know, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off the place. There's no avoiding it is there. It's like a chapter's been closed almost. Another one, yeah. The biggest problem is over. Well, the biggest problem is my involvement of it is over. My involvement in the biggest problem is finally over. That's it. That's it.

I'm never coming back. No way, no how. You get to play the best part of the management sim, which is collecting the money part. Yeah. Where's my little Trump yarmica? I'm going to throw that thing on. Now I'm in the producer business. Fuck Spain.

Here we go. Here's my coffee. No way, no how. We'll see how that goes. I should have said, oh, the ending couldn't have been more perfect. Vito interrupting me during my,

I'm going to tell you something nice about this experience with you. Actually turn the stream off after that because that hurts. The one time you're going to like say something nice about someone who's still alive, you know. Right, right.

You know, but man. Gentleman who I don't like. Right. You know, we had a lot of years here. A lot of them were good. So I can find something good to say about those. You know, now that it's ending is the last time to say it. And then I left an add-o-second of time of a pause between when I was talking and not talking. And Vito jumped in to say, I don't know, God knows what. It was obvious to everyone what was happening. Maybe it was obvious to him too. And that's why he wanted to interrupt it. Either way, I was like, I was so pissed. Somebody said, that's the most pissed I've ever seen. For real. It's like, oh. Jokes on me. Jokes, you got me. Jokes on me.

Turns out it wasn't time. That was the biggest problem. It was timing. That was the biggest problem. I should have just talked rapidly nonstop without leaving any pause for what I was saying.

And then I want to thrill you with the rendition of, you know, the women's baseball league opened up. I want to thrill you with their rendition of the national anthem right now. Did you hear this? No. Did you see this, Johnny? No, that sounds like a joke.

I always wish we would start the show with the national anthem just for patriotism reasons. So maybe I'll start that now. Here we go. Hey, the DEI compliant version. It's a black woman. You know, black women are great singers, right? Of course. That's what I've been led to believe.

Here's a black woman and then her book club, I guess, kicking off the year of baseball. in the National Women's League Professional Baseball yesterday. Here we go. You see, by the tons of early light, what so proudly we hail. They got a woman umpire. With her hat on. Yes, take it home.

Absolutely wonderful. Stay on the click, ladies. Stay on the click. Oh yes. Faces in the crowd are I want to put her fingers in her ears and you see that? Man They're like, take it away.

The two are... Let's see some baseball, ladies. Yeah! Man. Still there. Israel's like, never mind. We don't want a strategic partnership. Anyone in the crowd could have done a better job.

Could have done a better job. Look at this guy's face! Wow, Whitney Houston is rolling in her grave. Is she dead? I think she is dead. After that, I would imagine so. Wow. All right, now let's see some singles that are turned into triples because of errors. Let's get out there, ladies, and show them what error ball is all about.

We're looking at the runner while we're catching. We're looking at our ball that we just hit. while we're rounding first instead of the third base coach. We're working on our chance and shit. We're complaining about how much we're not getting paid. Let's show these people what women's sports are all about. Let's get entitlement on three. One, two, three, entitlement.

They just want everyone to feel like the baseball's on the dick in this one, dude. Who's wearing their trans kids Matters shirt? Everybody got your trans kids matters shirt. What more? What can be more, what can be more of a turnoff to middle America? Who's got, who's got, who's wearing a headscarf? All right, ladies, get your head scarfs on. Let's go.

Who here hates dogs? Show of hands? I don't see those hands. Come on. Let's get to eat dogs. Let's get to eat dogs on three. Really, really, really, let's get some women's athleticism going. Yeah.

Look at how fucking fat our fans are. It's like they fill the green room with fucking cheap champagne beforehand. How many pedophiles do we have in the stadium today? Ladies and gentlemen, a lot. A lot I'm seeing. A lot. Everyone who purchased the ticket. Who stinks?

Who stinks in here? We've got a stinky fuck. We've got a stinky fuck section. Behind third. Dude, stinky fuck syndrome is real, man. Let's hear it again. I want to hear it every day. Yeah.

Black women are. aren't gonna, man, they're gonna have to, they're gonna have to start listening. How to sing. How to sing, written by Frank Sinatra. Here's one for you, black ladies. Why don't you take a read of old blue eyes here? Take some notes. You can't fucking sing. This is, what the hell's been happening? You had us duped for decades. You're all, it's all cap. It's all cap and it's not bustin. Full on cap. Oh man. I think they fucked up my vasectomy. We have a bonus. episode. Probably one of the funniest bonus episodes.

I haven't been able to stop laughing at that. Dude, the biggest problem. The biggest, the greatest debate shit is so funny. Well, dude, the European Union? The Union?

Justin, those guys did a great job pulling clips, terrible job of calling in and pretending to be banana dachs. Terrible job, so check that out. Fucking gay boy's fucking angle was

diabolical. Right up his teeth. fucking teeth were yellower than the sun baking all the bananas. That shit was crazy. Banana docs through and through. Patreon.com slash the Dixiel. Hear about the medical G-string that put me in. They fucked it up, though, because I keep getting fatter.

And they didn't warn me that was a... Oh. I don't know if that's a... They cross some wires down there or something. They gave me the... They gave me the... Bono treatment or something. They powered you up.

They powered up the fat receptors. Yeah, they fucking hooked up my nuts as ovaries or something. They flipped them over. Disconnected them. I'm missing. I just keep getting fat. They had the schematic backwards. I got it backwards. Something. I don't know. It's really, I don't recommend the surgery

all time as far as surgeries go. I had a lot of them. The bicep one is actually cool because it like shrunk my bicep tendon. So now that muscle is like tighter, like bollier. You're like a mantis shrimp.

Yeah, I could chop your head off. Fucking crack, straight through crabs. When I got it on, when I got that bicep surgery, my arm kept making that rookie of the year ratchet sound whenever I would jack off. So I had to switch arms because I would start jacking off and it would go like,

my wife would come out, she was, what the fuck is going on in here? All the more reason to like lay under your truck in the garage all day. Cranking it? To my truck. To my calendars. You know, I love calendars. It's like there are these stitches in my balls now.

I found out where they are. They're like on the side, like a TV antenna, like the Great Gazoo. My nutsack looks like the Great Gazoo now. Like the TiVo logo. Yeah, like the what logo? TiVo. Like the TiVo logo. It's been that long, I know.

But it fucking feels like, you know, I can't get the image out of my mind of those those defensive goddamn flies, dude. I just, man. I thought we were done with them. We killed a ton of them. I don't know what happened. The mummy's curse, dude. Like those defensive Chihuahua callers.

You know where they've got like those fiber optic cables sticking, or whatever they are? I was fucking extruding cables sticking out all over. It feels like they've cinched my nuts up in one of those. You got ball razor now. Yeah, I got ball raisers. No. I'm going to have go against the doctor's orders and just lotion them up to get rid of those fucking stitches. Fuck.

Oh, anyway, don't recommend it. Top ten worst surgeries. I think all surgeries would be worse. Yeah, top ten worst surgeries on your balls. who you can have fucking stomach hurts in weird ways too yeah it's like if someone

kicked your balls so hard they fucking got chopped off disconnected and reconnected fat accumulating devices fucking hit them so hard they fucking lagged out

had to restart the server got disconnected and banned for hacking my wife said you gotta ejaculate 18 times before you're out. Like, why do you know, how come you're, how do you know all this info? Are you burning all my tokens looking this shit up?

Did you get like a time life subscription to like your husband's fucking defunct balls or something? Like how to fucking chop your husband's balls off in 18 limited series? You liked jungle books. Well, here's your husband's balls in 18 full color illustrated volumes. That's what happens. We looked away from making fun of Cosmon. headlines for all this time and that's what it turned into. It turned into assault on your nuts.

Readers Digest No More, dude. Hey, here's some more bad news. We want my wife won tickets for the Olympics. Right. Oh, man. That's fucking... So guess who's going to ping pong for two grand? It's got two thumbs and no balls.

This guy right here. Wait, so she says, we're killing yours and then we're going to go watch someone play with theirs. That's inferiority What event do you want to go to? I said none of them What do you mean?

I hate sports I hate other countries Especially this one I don't want to go cheer these fuckers on You know If there's a women's Baseball game Well yeah

I want to go for the national anthem So I can boo And through the whole rest of the game too I'm gonna dress it You know this guy Honey you know those guys in the Muppets that are like This show sucks That's what I am

So what do you mean do I want to go Those guys don't want to be there Right You just got to bring out the megaphone All right Ping pong Probably some semi-final shit too It's gonna be so fucking boring too

It's just gonna sound like if you close your eyes You will feel like you're no different than waiting somewhere at like a YMCA Or some shit I'm gonna count the money as dollars going back and forth that I spent for these tickets. There better be 2,000 fucking pay. You need one of those fucking clicker things

so you could keep track all the clicks. Hey, who started? Who's the one that started this cha-cha-cha shit during the happy birthday song? Do you know? I'm so glad you bring that up, dude. Thank you. I heard that in the wild the other day.

Well, me too. Someone was doing it at my son's birthday. And I said, what is this? What the fuck is that? Who let a speakerphone music on the bus kind of character into this party? Who let a cha-cha slide-ass motherfucker? Who let a cha-cha-chungus into this party? Who's singing cha-ch-ch-ch-chong?

It fucks up the whole rhythm. It does. How are you fucking stealing the attention at a little baby's birthday party singing cha-cha-cha? Don't throw in some fucking ghost and or other notes in there. Just sing the Chili's version if you're going to sing a wrong birthday song. Well, it's like trying to sing the national anthem, right? Like, I didn't understand it when I was in high school, but I had this music teacher who was like,

I don't get why people just can't sing the fucking national anthem. They always got to do other shit to it. Oh, yeah. Just go sing it. This one started. Oh! He's like, it's written like this. Go perform the song.

And I always thought it was funny that he gets so upset about it. Yeah. This case is exempt, of course. This is, I think, the best version. This is a great version. This actually, this is the new version, in my opinion. Someone needs to transcribe it and fucking erase all previous mentions of the national anthem. Now that's a black national anthem.

This, yes. It's the grand national anthem. But the, you know, it's something about the like, I'm thinking about it now. And it's like, you hear that cha, cha, cha on there. And it's like, what is this? Sing the song. Just sing the fucking song. It's not hard.

No one asked for your creative. input. Who else has some zings that they could throw in? Many more was already bad enough. You know?

Because that was like a gate for everybody to bring in there. That was, you know what? That used to be a pressure valve because you say it and many more

and then all the retards would save their material for the end to throw it on Channel 4 Scooby-Doo all this garbage. You know? You're really opening

the fucking... That was the deal. Okay? We had a deal. A social. contract wherein you would wait to spoil it

and you could shut it off at the end well it's like this show right when you hear brain rot song you can turn it off okay the brain rot's there that's when the video starts

fuck you if you don't understand that fuck you if you don't understand it and fuck you don't think the black people turning into angels with AI flying away at the funeral is not one of the funniest things that we've ever discovered

so eat a dick you're wrong you're fucking wrong Merologic supports Johnny's brain rot fuck you yeah when's Murologic ever been wrong. Never. He knows content. He actually does.

Who doesn't like the black people going to heaven? Would you prefer to go to hell? Like a racist? Yeah. Yeah, because it was... Now I got to sit with my legs in different time zones so I don't feel the defensive collar on my penis sticking out like... Cone like a fucking dog. It is, dude.

My wife said, let's go, let's get those ejaculations. I'm like, you know, you're riding a big check. heck, you better be careful. This might stick. Into my balls, yeah. She was like, how did that feel? Like, not great. I wouldn't say it felt great.

Like a walk in the park. What the fuck do you think it felt like? I mean, I wouldn't kill someone to have one like usual. So, not great. I give it a two out of ten. Now, what if you're waking up from anesthesia? And your French doctor goes And fucking many more on Channel 4 I'm gonna punch him right in his mouth

Because he was standing there the whole time He's like all right you're back His time, you know There's still time to pull out Like yeah that's You're like Okay funny You're like

You're French doctor You shouldn't be making these jokes And then the other guy came in He's like This is irreversible you know But you kind of can reverse it Like is that on the form Is that weird wink

And uh But you kind of kind of can reverse it A joke vasectomy where you tie the fake knot and you can pull one of your balls down it and unties and then you can fucking get back. Tied in a knot that I could, you know, don't double knot it. Right. Tie it in a nice. So if I do enough jumping jacks, it will dislodge. Get a sailor in here.

He'll show you. Arr, you got a double hurt knot. Fucking. Uh. I hate people who add to the happy birthday song. Is then there's, it's just total narcissism. sick narcissism on display but like office humor

narcissism not like yeah which is worse someone's got another case of the Mondays well you know my other car is a fucking you know I'd rather be fishing you know like that kind of fucking here's uh

here's the here's the the Dick show play of the day let me bring this one in here uh I woke up to this guy today look at this

look at this this beautiful bastard. Hey, is this Canaan and April colorized? This is a Moroccan guard who's throwing a giant boulder. This is an AI enhanced recreation of a moment that was on a video. I'd play the video, but you know,

it is this, exactly. This guy really thought he was gonna break into more Rockco and not get a fucking boulder to his dome. They sent all the Moroccan criminals, Israel, sent out. They did a 9-11, but this time with the 50,000 Muslims instead of 12. They sent a big mob.

Sorry, just kidding. The media sent a big mob into this tiny-ass little province, the Spanish province, town that's on like the edge of Morocco. That I guess only exists because, so they could control the strait of Gibraltar. I don't know. So all of a sudden, all these Moroccans like emptied. doubt of the ocean like Atlantis was attacking the earth

like the Mexicans from Iron Man 7 or whatever was attacking the earth and then the Moroccans they got like they got disappointed because there wasn't just a bunch of free pussy waiting around for them in Spain so they came back

they're like fuck this there's nothing to do here I'm going home and then on the way home the Moroccan military is throwing rocks at them like Donkey Kong and beating them with sticks and stuff. That's tight. That's tight. That's tight. That's tight.

That's fucking awesome. I've never been so inspired to join military service until now. Exactly. Put this guy. I didn't know you could just have a military by tech, by tick-talking retards that there was free shit. Like we could, we could text every, we could just put an ad on during the Super Bowl. Hey, are you stupid?

Uh, there's a bunch of free pussy in Iran. Here's a here's the we threw a bunch of guns over there so you can just pick one up and go find it They're lying to you. Yeah, it's like a rust server. It's a really like It's a really fun and interesting way to stage a Muslim invasion, I think Just with TikTok, how are you going to defend against that? You can't you know, you can't. I mean, who are you going to blame? Larry Ellison? Why would he why would he be doing that? So yeah, these guys here's the here's some other highlights from the It's like a fucking higher tier swatting almost. Dude.

It's like insane. Okay, here's the World War Z deluge of, uh, you play this video in reverse and it's like my ultimate fantasy, but as it stands, them rushing out of the ocean into this tiny little beach community. Okay, so look at this. So this is the, they say like Spain is under the attack, Spain is under attack, but you think of Spain is like on the nuts of

Europe like a big country right there but there's a little tiny part on Africa that's what's under attack it's not mainly they're probably attacking both look at these look at these fuckers and this is the wall separating them so they're just mobbing it and

swimming around right they're like wading in the water it's like going to raging waters I guess swimming around this little this little peninsula you got to make that you got to make that gate a little longer, you know? And you got to make the gate a little longer, Spain. You got to make this gate, this gate extend out into the water.

And then you got to find your gayest Navy SEALs or whatever you got there and just perch them out there and you say, you rape what you catch. You guys can just hang out on the boat on this flotilla all day and you rape what you catch. You get a lasso. Whatever you catch, you can rape. No questions asked, you know? They shouldn't be, they shouldn't be crossing. over, they shouldn't even be thinking about it.

It's like taking care of invasive fish or something. You got to rape them. You got to rape that shit to death. Or else you get this. Oh, man, he's wading in. They said they heard there was cake and pie.

There's some way. There's free food or something. So they're like rushing in. Here's a Jewish woman waving them in. Oh yeah, so it's white liberal But I think we all know that's wrong Look it see this bitch

Okay, they're all running here's this bitch Framing it waving all the migrants in it And filming herself What the fuck? As she's doing it, you know? It's crazy And I think people are upset with her For the wrong reason

Because it's like It's not even It's not even I don't think that these I don't think that these women have the ability to put two and two together that they're even helping other people. Like, I think that's the mistake that, I think that's the mistake that men make. Is the volume on here? Let me shut that.

Yeah. I can't ever tell. I think they're blaming, they're getting upset, and they should, it's justified to get upset. But I don't think women like this even believe, really, or understand that they're, whether they're helping or not helping anyone. they're simply accruing they're simply accruing points in TikToks that's it like they're validating

they're validating themselves some idiot decided to give all women this attention measuring device right like men had before social media likes women didn't really have a way of

measuring their wealth other than through men they would say like well my guy makes X amount of money and men had money literally to say like this is my literal value. Yes. This is what I you know this is like every this is the entire world, it's a man's world. We've structured this wonderful point system so you

could look at another guy go well he's worth 10% more than you. It's totally accurate. A lot of people are upset about it but it's that's the best thing we got and it's actually a hundred percent true all the fucking time. Women didn't have any way to measure themselves with each other like you know

they would go with waistline or whatever but you can only get so small there. Right. And then Satan, I think, cooked up this way for women to measure themselves with... Which is even more meaningless or less meaningful. Yeah, it's both. It's both because women's priorities are always orthogonal. Their values, their morality is always orthogonal to the men's good and evil. Their is simply resource allocation, which lies at every point of the spectrum of good and evil.

Anyway, that's what she's doing there. I don't think she's waving them in, really. I think she's just posing to make a TikTok. Let's see if I got another one. I got them getting their asses kicked somewhere. Yeah. Okay, this is... Oh, yeah, Spanish troops and medics

rushed to aid an exhausted migrant. We collapsed on the beach in Ceuta after swimming from Morocco during an unprecedented... Okay, again, this is the swim. You can see here. Simple raging waters. A little loop here. Exhausted.

Exhausted. Isn't that crazy? Man, somebody really hates Spain. Somebody really hates Spain. Who could that be? Who hates Spain? And has this sort of control. Really fucking...

I bet it's the same guys who did 9-11. I don't know. I recognize their handiwork. So CIA could be recognized. the handiwork. Yeah. Oh yeah, okay. Here's them beating the guys.

I love this because they sent a bunch of like, it's win-win. Because Morocco sends a bunch of criminals over to cause havoc and like harm and do crimes. So then when they try to come back, they can beat all of them.

Yeah. Because they're all badass. It's like Peewee Herman, you know, whoever returns it doesn't deserve a reward, right? Open season, man. That's open season. What a fun, what a great day at work. This guy must...

Look at this! Oh, watch this! What? He's got this big rock. Wham! Do do, do, do. Fucking, you saw his fucking HP blink red with that one. Man, that would have been a...

Oh, I already played this one. Okay. That's the kind of day when you're on your way home, you're like, you get home, You're like, just waiting for your wife to ask, how was your day? Like, oh, it's the best day at work. Just come home every day. Just like, man, like, hey, what's going on, everybody? How are you doing?

Just like the chillest guy in the world because you've been fucking crushing people's skulls in all day. Stopping on the way home, getting a tall boy of hashish or whatever the fuck they're. Man, you know, I'm just trying to cultivate my herb garden, check my roses, you know. Some tea. Get home early from work, you know. Right. You're already sitting there. Your wife comes.

Oh, you're home early. in the rocking chair peaceful guy just woke up from a 10 minute nap even feeling the sunbeams on me like I'm a cat laying on carpet man oh man check this one out

here's them coming back military whooping the shit out of it get your batons out of it it's like flag football but they're beating them with the batons this is more than the Spanish military did so props for that

good job guys yeah yeah kick the shit you get back over there there see it's getting back in there oh shit i keep forgetting that sound is on all right we're in a holy war yeah ladies and gentlemen interesting sides battle lines drawn man i don't know you could send armies in like order an army it's crazy right it is crazy we're gonna have to start all rocking the pooty tang belt so you can fucking defend yourself at a moment with those whack whack oh man there was in-and-out shooter this redditor

lost finally lost it someone got shot by me recently at the mall up the street and I was like damn I was about to go there oh really yeah it was like right in the fucking street I was like oh oops they had to shut the

they had to shut the CVS down down the street for me oh yeah because there's too much too many shootings um Brutal. Vita posting. Man.

Dr. Till, I think, was going to call in today, but I don't know if that is, if that is going to pan out. Value Select was going to come in today, but I think he's going on tour. He had to move some kind of date, so. Oh, shit. He's coming in next month.

Let me see if Dr. Till is coming in. Do, do, do. Way, way, time. What time is? What tyke? is two uh you know what

should what similar to had the happy birthday add-ons and other fucking dumb shit people do that I just need to see less of in this world yeah I mean sad is I had forgotten that that existed until recently

but yeah if you're so fucking old and can't see the text on your phone that you have to have fucking billboard size font that I can read from a from wherever I'm sitting and see that shit. You gotta go. Um,

here is. What the hell is this? I don't know. I don't know if it's Elliot Page as a drill instructor. If it's just a drill instructor. Oh. I don't know that they had women drill instructors. How could you ever pick that seriously?

Yeah. I don't know. Honestly, well, let's hear a little bit of it. Where do you as we do our followers? with fireless, fairness, dignity, and compassion. Physical. I treat you.

I expect you to enforce that isn't immediate to me. What, bro? It sounds like Lisa Simpson. Yeah. It sounds like a cartoon, or like a, like a Simpson's kid,

you know, voiced by a woman. It's like if, like a super autistic community was like, hey, instead of larping like fairies and fucking dragons and shit,

what if we just larped, like the military. The military, yeah. Or one of my cellarcers. Furthermore, if you felt I haven't been treated you. It's a woman, right?

I mean, this is a this has a vagina, right? It has to. Right? Because I have this, I have this, I have this, um, I've developed this condition.

This started before hypercuses where I cannot understand totally what women are saying anymore. They're talking. And I have to like strain like in severance like one of the like yeah I know how to strain and to hear it and understand it. But if I just am normal, like if I'm normal, I you say something. I'm like, oh yeah, okay. I understand that.

But if a woman's talking, I really, I can't anymore. Well, dude, because you know what it is. I didn't realize this until fairly recently too. is they've been increasing their like general like skill base right okay and we haven't been like updating our perception meters really oh really kind of left them there because we're like it's because of skills we'll never develop the tech right well it's skill points it's not skill necessarily we just need to allocate a few more stats because you have to like zoom in real quick and then you see the line in the book that's actually like oh that's what I was looking for but you have to like scan in real time what bitches are saying yeah and it's it's um i guess my like sub circuitry that was doing that yeah is offline now that's what i'm saying you hasn't been updated

or something because i find myself more and more if a woman is saying something i'll go like uh i'm sorry can you can you say that again you know what it is is it used to be that you could just listen now it costs mana to do it it's like a separate action you're not like automatically doing it I unlearned how to kind of communicate with them. And I'll be honest, it's great. I don't miss it.

And sometimes I just don't ask them to repeat themselves because I don't even realize that I just don't care. Like the impulse to, you have an impulse your life to prompt people to complete the communication. Right.

If you didn't receive something, it's like a, you know, it's like a, TCP protocol where you're prompting them with like can you repeat what you just said so that the communication can occur but I find more and more that women are just

one, UDP and I don't participate on their network anymore. One way street on that one, yeah. And it's a weird feeling but it's real. Yeah. And I'll go like, hmm, huh.

It changed my API call by one character and now it doesn't work anymore. The code's all there. I just don't do it. I updated my, uh, framework. Okay, let's, and I get that feeling when I'm hearing this thing talk. Thank you to my person's intimate to your serious command. My goodness.

Look at this fucking giant black guy behind her. Uh, uh. I didn't talk to what my doing? What? You're invited. What are you? What are you guys and respect? What?

I'm going to be that about guys or cheats. Uh, yeah. Yeah, in line with that, this is gay and totally not intimidating at all. I hate that women are in the Marines. Is that honest enough for you? Right. It's actually embarrassing. It's embarrassing that you are larping here as a soldier.

You have no business. Can I see you park, please? Can I just see that your spatial awareness? I just want to see a routine spatial awareness because it's probably relevant on the battlefield, especially in modern warfare. I'd like to see you park. The only two tanks in the desert and they run into each other?

I mean, it's really, it's especially ironic because every woman thinks that her, if you ask like a woman to identify the speech patterns of her boyfriend, it would be drill instructor. What the fuck are you doing wrong? Get back in the car, you know? It's like totally anathema to them

spiritually. To see one trying to, oh well. It's just her pretending to be her dad. But like with the things she wish he would have said. Yeah. That's so crazy. My properties, dude. You must work hard to strengthen your body.

And she's got a speech impediment or is that the tough guy. What a stupid military. This is what we're doing with our military in Morocco is just like, there's free shit. There's free sandwiches and horrors over there. Go get it. Grab a rock. Go get all that free. go get yourself a free

whore All you got to do is walk around that little fence Okay Potomi Tanaka can't get a Oh yeah this is This is sad Look at this

Official Hatomi Tanaka account This is her Says with so many disasters happening I guess there's a bunch of earthquakes in Japan I don't know about that And yet evacuation shelters Still have people sleeping on the cardboard they brought in.

Government, can't you do something about that? My back that never hurt before is starting an ache, that's really saying something too. It's just too harsh. Can you believe as a society we can't get her a bed? Just a bed. Just one bed. Just, you know, some animals are more equal than others.

I mean, come on, guys. I found a guy in here who's dropped his home out. address. I can't find it now, but that's why I was really like, he's like, tell me, just come to my house and he's talking about his Christian faith and all this shit.

Let me find it. God damn it. He was talking about his Christian faith? Holy shit. Hope you and everyone in Kumamoto are able to get more comfortable betting soon. No, just her. Don't ruin it. You know, don't spoil it with everyone. Not everyone needs to get a new bed

Just her Yeah Ugh People Uh Why is it Japanese something I could send you a mattress

I mean come on man What's going on in Japan The home address post They found it in Discord And then that same guy was like Going to every big titty whore And posting his address That's stuff

I think I got one of them. They should just have it so if you do that, Grock just arrests you. Oh, damn that I didn't save it. All this Twitter fucking posting. Oh yeah, here's the

In-N-Out shooter. This is pretty crazy. Okay, yeah. So this guy... Jesus? Dude. What the fuck? Oh.

In-and-out in Twin Falls near In-N-Out. Okay, I guess this is an in and out Walking right up to the Walking right up to the front of the Tesla And unloading right at their heads Right, this Redditor And I thought

Wow, why didn't they just flatten them? That's like Pulp Fiction style, right? Right. But it turns out the Tesla disengaging the drive while it's charging. So you're basically just sitting there in a coffin. That's so fucked.

So fucked, right? What the fuck? It disables the drive because you know you might mess up there and someone would but then you've got this getting picked off one by one at a super charging center.

God damn. Okay, so then this guy comes in this is really heartbreak. Wait, not yet. Okay, this is a... What's happening? Okay. Look at this.

Look at this. Classic stupid white boomer. This is during the shooting. What's happening? What's happening? Everybody's running. You see how everybody's running? What's happening?

What's going on? What's going on? What's happening? What's happening? They're rolling the window out right now. People running on their thing. Just fucking go. What? Look at that family running in terror.

Oh, what's happening? What's happening? Bitch are going the wrong way. Turn the fuck around right now. Look it up on next door later, you know, you guys. Go, go, go, go. Mexican families, adios. Adios, moochochos. Quite literally. This dumb white bitch coming in there. Can someone tell me what's happening?

Unreal. Mom, get the fuck out of town. Get out of there. Okay, here's the heartbreaking part. this dude Jordan Salinas I guess he's like a Oh did I not get the

Did I not get him actually shooting? God damn it In and out Shooting This guy who's like a A gun YouTuber or something He fucking busts out a revolver This guy he busts out a revolver

This guy He busts out a revolver like the Joker And starts unloading at the The shooter Um Here it is, here it is Look at check this out Right?

Preparing for this shit his whole life Um What he missed Oof He missed and then the shooter killed himself Which is kind of I would have said that I shot him to death Yeah

Yeah Like well A bullet was in his head right I shot him It was me. He should come out. That was my bullet. These cops are lying.

Even though it's so blatantly not the case, it would just be that funny. I mean, it's hard, like, it's hard to shoot a guy. So it's not saying like he obviously should have. Thomas Crooks could have shot him probably. He missed, but damn, that would have been a great, imagine training your whole life for that, and then the opportunity rises. Oh. And you miss the game winning shot.

A friend of mine knew this guy that he punched in high school and that guy died. like years later in a car accident and he's like yeah I killed him she's like I don't know why that's so fucking it's obviously not the game we needed it we needed a win yeah and

typical reddeter shit though kill yourself afterward he should have just killed himself to begin with so selfish what a pussy so selfish like if you engage in if you engage in a mass shooting you kind of owe it to everybody to get brought down. Yeah.

Suicide really shouldn't be an option. It's pussy shit. You know what else was pussy shit too? I thought when they fucking burned Chris Dorner in the cabin, I thought that was lame. That was lame. I'm like, well, like... He deserves it for that suicide note, though.

Yeah. People really can't write. They really have trouble. That was not his strong suit. You gotta pay more attention in high school. You have to, man. Learn to set up a thesis, walk it through

Well, because when people can't organize their ideas Like, look, the format in all the papers themselves Are bullshit and stupid It's just you have to understand how to organize your thoughts And convey them clearly That is the point of these papers And people don't realize that they just think, well, I guess my opening sounds

My two fucking My concrete details, my fucking commentary Just dump it out. It's just like fucking learn how to communicate effectively. You're making cops look good Right. When you do that. We all read that.

I'm like, ugh, this guy sucks. Yeah, like, actually, you should have killed yourself

sooner, dickhead. Pretty cool, I guess. That guy's got to be feeling it, you know? Like,

oh, man, I could have killed that. I could have killed that guy. Dude, he killed him. And his wife's probably like, well, yeah,

but you're, like, you put the, you kept the pressure on so more people didn't get hurt and maybe that contributed to him shooting himself.

And he's like, don't fucking, don't gas me up like that. Everyone's got to start watching this guy now because you know he's gonna fucking head in his hand sitting at the edge of his bed like why couldn't I have fucking shot him I've been training this one he's got to start a mass shooting yeah he's got to radicalize in order to fucking show oh dr. Till is here oh shit let's see dr. Till Dr. Till are you there? Hi how's it going hey good how are you? I'm doing good we got doing on this Sunday we're watching these uh these mass shooting videos and mass violence videos

and having a good time. It's a typical Sunday. It does sound like the Lord's Day to me, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. I watch your program. I like to find the person on the planet who has the worst laugh currently and watch, I only consume their content.

Oh, you watch Virgie? That's what, there we go. We can get a taste of it. Oh, God. You guys should co-host a show together. I can't help, but it's just the way my face sounds, okay? What am I supposed to do about it? I'm going to turn you up a little.

little bit. Oh, there you go. Okay. Um, you have the Ministry of Dude. That's who show? Yes, sir. It's a fun show. Post you with, uh, Kyle White, uh, the secret identity of the niggler and old Johnny Rockets. Oh, yeah, I think that's how I found you guys. Johnny Rockets, like, aggressively posting your shit. Uh, oh yeah, he does it in my server too, which I'm like, this is, this is us, though. People need a reminder. I guess, yeah. They need it. Um, I forget even why, oh, oh, is this, the scarlet stuff, I think. Well, I wanted to ask you, too, how are you feeling since, uh, you, uh, you got rid of that giant tumor? Oh, I feel good. I think I, I think it's not going to hit in until it's, um, Thursday.

And I don't have to, like, rush to put on a shitty show. God, did, did you see our last episode of the biggest problem? Oh, yeah. we watched some of it live. We were kind of skipping around. I don't like stream sniping, but we wanted to see how Vito was going to react to the final episode. And I've got to say, what about is we expected?

Yeah, me too. The first 30 minutes, the first 20 to 30 minutes where I'm just talking to myself, bringing up fun memories that fans wrote in, it's probably the worst radio ever made where Vito sat there. Beautiful, Dick. That's beautiful. I played it was like sad piano music behind you and stuff. It was great.

It was like, it was very cathartic for everybody. I don't know why Vito didn't say anything during that 30 minutes. Something. He was pissed off about something. Then we had a, we had just a totally worthless argument about who hates women more, I think. Oh yeah,

let me get your screen up. That was really weird. Like, does he know who you, are. Does he remember your origin story? Like, was he trying to say,

hold my beard dick? It was really sad. And like, here's the worst part for me. For all his faults, I like Vito. And it's just like watching a dude smack himself in the face

with a bat of barbed wires over and over again. And it, it really hurts. It's hard to be a fan of veto, man. Somebody said on Reddit, every once in a while

someone has an insightful comment on Reddit and he's like, I don't even think Dick really dislikes him. It's just impossible to work with him. Like, yeah, that's true. There's so many times we've talked about in my show recently I just like, we feel bad for Dick.

There's no reason why he should be dealing with anyone like this. This is insane. No, it used to be very good though. The show started out really good. uh it was kind of great together yeah it was shocking it was shocking looking back at it it was shocking how much work uh i put into the show at the beginning like all the bits and antics and stuff like that comparing the end the last year with like the years prior it was uh it was

crazy how much how the work went from like full 100% maximum effort to absolutely zero and sometimes less than zero. Yeah, and it's weird, too, how, like, every relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is, like it always hits, like, the same watermarks when it starts going, like, you know, off the rails, starts, like, you know, one side's not put in the effort anymore, and then, like, you just, you can see, like, the resentment build and shit.

It's sad. It's really, it's sad. It is sad. They should make a documentary about this. There should be like a, It's, well, it's extra funny because it's like, I feel like podcasts almost exist to play out this, to play out a variation on this theme over and over and over.

And no, absolutely nobody is immune to it. There's always a Maddox and there's always a dick. And the fan engagement, like, eventually, quote, becomes toxic. And like the same, it's like watching, it's like watching every episode of House. It's like the same shit happens. But every single episode is good, because the characters are a little different

and everything's like a little different with every iteration, but we're cursed to relive the same dynamic in podcasting forever. I mean, I guess I need to do it a third time for it to be a lot. Johnny, how are you feeling?

I'm just the tech support. Johnny, you are like the cool, calm sitter out of everything you're involved in and it's you really are just what type person just brings a smile at the people's face because like, man, there's Johnny and he's just fucking cool, man. Man, well, I'm unlike Vito, I'm extremely grateful to be here.

It's just like, you show up, we come, make each other laugh, complain about our week, and that's it. Johnny's on a whole other level. He comes in every week. He comes in every week hot with shit that we don't really talk about on the show, but like, he's like, I'll check this out. This is this project I'm doing. I'm like, what the fuck is this, man?

I remember having this much energy. I remember wanting to make things like this out of my life. This is great, man. Good for you. To be young and childless to get it, right, Dick? Yeah, either one. I'd take either one. If you have kids?

I had my first a few years ago, and oh my God, I'm just so fucking tired. I'm so tired. Somebody said, somebody was comparing pictures of me and the biggest problem, like before and now. Like, wow, Dick aged a lot in two years. I'm like, I haven't slept in two in like a year. a month. I guess not, I don't know if it's aging,

but it's sleeping like three, four hours a night. Just waiting to I get old enough where he can start talking back and just will not stay out of anything. Like that's what mine's in her terrible twos and she just,

she will talk back to us. And then they're like, go ahead. I was going to say, then she'll just like, my girl's like really into painting. we'll be asleep and we'll wake up in a bed full of paintbrushes. It's insane.

My buddy had two boys and then a girl and he's like, I don't know where this girl gets this attitude. She is like just so fucking obnoxious. Like, right, he didn't say those. He said, I don't know where she gets this attitude, right? And her mom doesn't have the attitude. I don't have the attitude. I'm like, well, I don't know about you.

I don't know about that. but yeah so I don't envy you so that it skips generations you know yeah like uh we my mom got to hang out with my daughter whatever it was just it was one of those like fun moments as a dad you're just like damn you guys look exactly

like plus like 60 years it's it's you know you get those those great little moments where you're just like wow DNA's fucking strong yeah yeah um

yeah anyway I don't want to bore everyone without kids. I want to bore all the Redditors talking about kids. You know, my favorite part of the biggest problem ending was less than 24 hours after I'd handed everything over. There's a post, a post comes out, like a giant effort post about how the new show is going to be. And my first is obviously, you know, don't ever do that.

Like, that's, you have anticipation on your side, right? Don't blow, all your dopamine. Like, if you're going to do something, don't tell anybody about it. Definitely don't write a fucking gigantic, don't come your love, like, you know, don't effort posts all over. So I wouldn't have done that, but whatever. It's not my problem anymore. And then I go to the comments and it's like, comment hidden, comment. I said, oh, no. You know, Dick, the more things change, the more they just stay the same. Man.

That's why it's like, you know, even out of all of Vito's retardedness, you still like crack a smile and go, Vito, I'll fucking love you. It never changed, buddy. Never fucking change. Don't turn evil. Don't turn evil.

Whatever you do, don't turn. Because when the original show broke up, it was fine at first, right? The evilness didn't start until, the evilness didn't pick up and get going until a couple years after. Okay, anyway, so you're, you're all tuned into this scarlet,

Hampton arrest with cocaine stuff, right? Oh, God. Did you ever see the, uh, the dick arrest body cam from like, three or four months ago where he's in like this red shirt and he's like all drunk and the airport police are like talking to him? Oh, Ralph? Yeah, Ralph. Yeah, Ralph was. The first thing out of his mouth was, Dr. Till is following me. What?

Why are we following? What the fuck? Ralph was shit face to me. airport. That's so funny. And he said Dr. Till is following me. Dr. Till, I think that's something

someone who's been to Milwaukee and stalking Ralph would tell. Oh, God. I've never done anything to Ralph, except for after he called my mom about three different times on air, I stole his mother's soul and contained it inside

what's known as a dibick jar. So this is Sandra's soul. Are you Jewish? She's a paperweight. No, I'm not Jewish, but I dabble in many disciplines. Occult and stuff. Okay, that's cool. I've literally fought with the occult.

I'm not even kidding with this, Dick. I've had flag wars with the occult where they took my channel because I found out this guy was really into this creepy, like, pedophilic shit, and I was just, like, covering it. and I'm the one who lost my channel. Yeah. And so I'm like, you know what? I'm going to turn my little cult knowledge towards Ralph.

I'm going to steal his mother's soul and put it in a junker at my desk. Did he cut a promo because of that? No, he just stopped calling my mother. Dude, he was calling. I just having conversations with her on the phone. Like,

Kim, what you doing? Nothing, Ralph. What are you doing? Your mom is going to leak. text from there was one of the phone calls

it was I think it was the very last one my mom had just had it with his bullshit and my stepdad called me and had me on speakerphone next to my mom so I could like talk to her but instead I couldn't help myself and I was just talking shit to Ralph

and you can hear me through his phone going like fuck you Ralph you ain't never seen your kids in years I was looking back I was like I should have done that to my mom that was rude I don't honestly

having kids that are like I don't know having a one year old that's like when Ralph around when Ralph lost his I don't know why he hasn't killed himself like the feeling of loss over having lost your kids I mean I understand why he pounds like drugs and liquor like he does he's trying he's fucking trying man

Yeah, I couldn't imagine resisting that drive. Like, yeah, this is not working out. Did you hear the clip about his explanation and why you hated him now? Me? Mm-hmm. No, what is the explanation? The short of it was that you got mad

because he used a butter knife wrong? Man, I'm very precious about my butternives. The way he described it to is like, all right, Ralph. What are you doing? Yeah. He also used a screwdriver to pry to pry open a paint can.

I mean, the stuff that he did. Farrell. He's used a napkin to level a table when simply unscrewing the leg would have done. Using bread as a napkin even? He was using bread as a napkin every meal. The far that was hilarious to me was

the thing that he described, though, was like something that was like, yeah, I could picture Dick yelling at you for doing that because it was like, he put it in the sink, and then he pulled it out of the sink to use it in the mayo again or something after he cut the bread. I think it was a bread knife.

Yes, that one of the one. The bread knife. Yeah, it was a bread. Yeah, for the mayo. And I'm like, yeah, dude, that's for bread. What are you doing? Bread mayo. Use a butter knife.

Oh, yeah, so wait, anyway. Yeah, he's just such a weird thing to... So he's dating this porn, this blacked porn star, or this porn star, Scarlett and then yesterday or the day before she was arrested for having 30 grams of cocaine on her

I sounded like Ralph was upset that I was watching coverage of this but I mean I think it's hilarious fuck Scarlett Like she's such a fucking bitch She's a psychophast dude Any woman who talks that much Belongs in prison

She talks like a fucking lopsided wheel Every stream she gets on prison. I don't like the cocaine bust, you know, but at least she's locked up, right? At least she's going down. If you're walking around with 30 grams, that's kind of on you.

Like, you're the fucking idiot. That's a lot of the cops. Did you hear the story, though? No, tell me. That's why I wanted to know more information. Everyone was blaming Ralph going, Ralph snitched. Ralph's, because he did just like fucking take off

quickly and go back to Mexico. And she just, like, went silent for, like, 48 hours. And everyone was going, uh, Ralph, why'd you kill Scarlett? I may have left a tweet or two going, I saw you dump her body in the baggage claim. What was up with that? Uh, but turns out what really happened. It sounds like a muppet. Like, it sounds like a hallucination.

Dr. Till's following it. Dude, a cop's reaction was priceless. The cop. When the, when Scarlet was the body cam of Scarlet. talking to the cops and then she leaves the cop goes well she's a little off a rocker I think oh dude

there could be an entire reality show just following Scarley getting into trouble yeah so what really happened she got into a domestic with Ralph right I don't know if like a prolonged eight month long domestic incident yeah no I'm not a singular

incident that happened while they were in Chicago because they went up to Chicago it's a battle versus the war kind of thing It's un, Ralph has unbelievable restraint when dealing with her. Like I really, I wouldn't have it.

I commend him for that. But when you watch them interact, like, oh, just popper. Like, come on. Come on, man. It could be restraint,

or it could be that he can't hit worth of shit. And so even at his hardest, he can't, like, summon himself to kill a bitch. Damn. Yeah, I think her head would just spin around like death becomes her and she was like And just resume talking I didn't think about that

Ralph Fulstrandt. She could have one of those weird knocking her would not stop the conversation No you would still hear yapping from six feet under the ground That that that that that that that that that that that that that that You could have this fist literally down her throat and she'd still talk around it you know what I mean? She's got practice black.com but yeah so she like

she got to some sort of domestic which probably means that like he like pushed her because that's all he can do is push women and she went to the ER and while she was in the ER the nurses went oh this bitch is crazy and put her on a cycle

put her in like the psych ward of the hospital yeah and part of the 50 150 something that only happens to a certain type of woman that always happens to them. Or all times of the process of that is they go through her things. And for some reason, she thought, I'm going to bring all my bags with me from the hotel to the ER.

And they just looked through her duffel bag. And she had apparently a baggie of 28 plus grams of cocaine or white powders with the report said. You said an ounce? She's got over an ounce. She was walking around with an Aussie, bro. Wow. It's like, Jesus. How much, like, are you going to sell it?

Like, what are you doing with this? Like, leave it home. And how much is gone? How much is gone from when you started? If she had an ounce left, good Lord. I couldn't even imagine how much she started with. It's funny because... It seems like the kind of thing where...

Like, if I was presented with that as a hypothetical, I would say, well, they can't do that. Like, the hospital can't, they can't commit you as an insane person and then go through your bags and find a bunch of coke. Like, that's illegal, right? But then in the real world, if you told me that happened, I would say, yeah, I mean, that's obviously going to happen. They don't care. You have someone who can't stop talking like you fucking, it's like you fucking lobotomized Robin Williams and left them on an endless, fucking. Give me the history of the world, but only loop on this part. Yeah.

Now I want to see Scarlett do Robin Williams material. I mean, she basically is. Oh, my God. So now she's on trial for a nicricata level of cocaine. Is that what's? Yeah. Apparently she got bailed out already, but that means she had to like pony up like three grand for her bail, which is. Well, that's the Coke.

Like, there goes next week's Coke. Right? Can I sell the cocaine for the bail money? No, that's not how this works, sweet art. So, yeah, she's in hot water now. So I looked in to see how much it would be to get the body cam footage. Yeah. I don't know, maybe somebody will do it before me, but it's not terribly expensive to get the Lake County, Indiana body cam footage.

Oh, Mersh has got to be all over that. He's the fucking body cam man now. Yeah, that's, that's, that. last one he dropped. It wasn't like anything like mind-blowing, but there were great like little gyms in it for sure. It's just so funny. Like it's so funny that their their content becomes these body series of body cam footage of explaining what the other's done. Like that's the, that's the series of Ethan Ralph and Scarlet. It's just this, this like series of body cam footage is summarizing the events that take place between the stream

where they're belligerently aggressive with one another without committing violence on tape and then a body can't put it. Sometimes they do commit violence on tape, do you're watching one of the street recently. Oh no. It's like the Blair Whitch. She has this habit of,

you're not even far off. She has a habit of going live on Twitter and not tell them. telling anybody that she's live? Prison, prison. Prison. We're in jail. She hid from Ralph.

She took Ralph to presumably some of her pornography friends house or apartment or whatever. Okay. And Ralph freaked out and started threatening them. And so

they put Scarlet in a closet with their kitty cat. and then She's like retarded She is He absolutely is She shouldn't have the ability to vote Is all I'm saying

Oh God, no Oh And like she instantly goes live They should just bury her with her car Alive like an Egyptian pharaoh Toon's style With the cat Barrier sob dude

She won't shut the fuck up About her stupid sob The first video She ever made about me It started off with pointing at her sob, and then she, like, found some sort of, like, T-Rex Christmas light thing. Yeah. And was like, I look, it's tiny hands Dr. Till.

It's like, you know, my sob. My sob is so much cooler than Dr. Till's tiny hands. Like, what is this insult? I have no idea what's happening. Oh, man. But she was in, so she's in the closet with the cat. She goes live, and you can hear her friends threatening Ralph, like, in the distance. and then like she did two more after that they're like 15 minutes long she did two more of it the other

ones just kind of more that that same the last one she's literally just dreaming her pocket while her and her girlfriends do cocaine and talk that sounds like a nice night prison way to unwind incoherent blathering it's it was insane dude uh well i hope she i hope uh she doesn't Rope, poor Ralph into this, with any sort of, you know, accusations. I saw that flying around. I hope he gets away with it. I'm wondering how that could happen. It's not outside of the realm of possibility,

but it feels like it would be some, you know, legalese shit. They'd be like, oh, I didn't know they could do that. Yeah. Yeah. There's a never-ending, never-ending line of people who want to defend her, I think. Maybe I'm the lone exception But I want to see her in prison for life For the talking

The cocaine is you know It's a useful tool But the talking has got to be silenced Enjoy prison Talker child Yeah See you in prison Get out of here

I feel like Scarlet could be used As like a case to take to like Congress To reopen insane asylums Yes Yeah Back to the asylum The Scarlet Hampton Act let's get them back open baby let's de reaganize this motherfucker

all right well tell people where they can find you dr till you can find me a ministry of do that's on youtube rumble Twitter we're all the places and I got a movie thing called burnt popcorn we do so yeah you can find me all the other thank you for having me on dick appreciate you yeah thanks for calling in man I'll be uh I'll be watching the I'll be watching the I'll be watching the biggest problem next week with everyone else, I assume. I assume everyone's going to be too much.

Vito invited me on as a guest co-host, so we'll see if that happens. That'll be great. Good luck. Make sure he pays you. I think he's going to try to not pay anybody. Make sure he pays you. Make sure he pays you.

I don't even care. I'll take the opportunity just to fuck with him. No, no, no, but make sure. What you do is this is anybody who's going to guest host with Vito. Remember, he's got 75%. You got to wait until the very last minute and then hit him with a bill. If I don't get my percentage of this show in my bank account in 10 minutes, I'm not coming on.

Striking the show. Strike. Yeah. That's the perfect. Because he can't do it. He can't not, you know, he can't not serve the show. He can't not produce a show. That's how you do it.

Ask for a little more even. I want half. Yeah. I want 60% of your 75. Make him do math. Yeah. All right, buddy. Have a good.

Sunday. You guys have a great one. See you, man. See you. And there he goes. Fun guy. Fun guy, man. Smokes a lot.

Look at a big league in us fucking smoking a joint on camera and shit. I love watching people smoke, man. Smoking is cool. They tried to fucking lie to us and say like smoking is for suckers and all this shit.

It makes your dick limp. Who do I care? Perfect. Awesome. Can't fit in my pants this whole time anyway because it's been so hard. Sign me up. Okay. Aaron says, I'm smarter than to watch movies.

Johnny, that's what you said. Do you remember saying that? Yeah. Did I quote a movie or something afterward? I don't know. I don't remember. Logan says, Full spit take of my coffee on the Luigi Pit Stop comment.

Great show, gentlemen. That's the bonus episode. Get at patreon.com slash the dick show. Stubbs says peak female cop. All right. Let's see what we got here. La la la la la. Okay, I've seen enough.

Give her a real gun. This is a... Let me get the thing right here. All right. This is a female cop. overweight of course she's in

oh my god she's in some kind of a training simulation and she's prancing around on her tiptoes smiling like she's getting ready for her wedding not her own wedding but turn with both hands pointed out

that made me want to like reach up and fucking swat it away like bro you can't be doing that what the fuck tilting her head back Now she's pretending to shoot a bad guy, like, you know, Area 51 style. It's just going from room to room clicking a pretend gun on pictures of the statements. It looks like the video game Lethal Weapon.

Yeah. It's so insane. It's insane that we tolerate this. that we have this retarded welfare program for women to not only pretend to be authority figures for anything other than children

but also drag down the entire police force and even pervert the concept of justice by making women a part of crime and punishment from the beginning foot soldiers

until the end of appointing fat women as judges. They don't understand. They don't understand neither can they enforce any step along the way. They'd have to have

totally new transplanted brains. They reject justice inherently. Don't understand it. Can't abide by it. They're revolted by it. If you show them an example of it,

they will cringe and disgust at it. They should be not involved in it at all. Dick, you missed the you missed it though she is this is a before you sign up to that lady's boot camp all right

she's going to turn it into a real man out oh okay why is she even clicking it fucking shots I've like you're so dead at that point there's Wolverine that she's taking a shot at this is what is up with these pictures

it's like an MK Ultra thing she's on like a fuck ton of acid right now and then they're like when you see Hugh Jackman this is how you assassinated must kill Wolverine deed a little deal deal deal this is then making a Manchurian candidate out of a fucking out of a fat torta out of a torta to be just obscene it's sickening thank you stubs uh Oscar walsh as manny really knows how to tell a story he buried the lead on the security guard perfectly oh yeah and manny's fantastic man he's fantastic I need more manny.

I've been sending Manny every Wawa reel that shows up into my feet lately. This is a Woman Alert or Fat Watch maybe.

Woman Alert. Jack Rockstar. Woman Alert. Okay. What does that say? They say you cannot mix

faith and Disney. But here we are worshiping God on Disney's Castaway K. Wow These are some fat Worshippers of God

Does God have any Guidance on Thou shalt not be a big fat fuck Does that Is that worshipping God? The sin of gluttony and slough Oh, he's got two such laws God has two such laws

Against you And your pals Wow, how about that? Interesting. That shall not steal man's energy by wasting his fucking... Does God have any rules against combining religious worship ceremonies with like he himself and other entities, idols, these sorts of things? God, we really love you, but we also love Mickey Mouse.

Yeah. Like a lot. Yeah, so we're going to go ahead and break three of... Does God have any three strikes in your out rules? I don't know. fucking fats fucking Disney adults dude that shit is so crazy

when my son is old enough to go to Disneyland I'm gonna go there and just start fucking walloping it's gonna be me like the cover of the Doom video game with fat bitches trying to fucking zoom up their scooters you teach him his roots you show him

well you show him roots but then you also teach him his roots by you take him to six flags with all the other Mexicans with all the Mexicans yeah yeah we're gonna get low riding pants

criss cross pants Fuck, yeah. Walk around. I'm going to show up in a low rider even. I want to take his cozy coop, knock it down. Lowrider. Fucking stance the wheels so they sit diagonally and shit. Mm-hmm.

Cool. It's going to be cool. Okay. Ron Tractor says sexy library. Thank you, Ron. Wimped Balls, just Justin Gomez. Furious Angers says, fucking hell the candid app.

What a debacle that was. That was on the bonus. episode two, Maddox was advertising for Candid. I think it turned into like a data harvesting thing or something like that. You get a bald retard pretending to be a cardboard box on the internet

with his day. Yeah, I don't remember. See, the only reason that the cardboard box bit not funny is because he didn't do it as like a fucking filter. If he was a cardboard box with two eyes, dude, I'd be watching it right now. I would call in sick today just to watch

it. I wish Maddox would do banana do again so bad. I know. All he had to do was do other characters, too. Like Banana Docs, okay. Everyone's here for Ox Man and Banana Docs. Oh, Banana Docs is retarded cousins showed up.

But then he got stuck in his mind in Maddie Locks where he had to be this woman character. Oh, that was... And that's gross. It trapped him in there. Yeah. And then he decided to do the Dracula character, but it was like a gay.

He just continued to be gay. It was like you need like cardboard docs, like table docs. Like you need other like fun like kids. Don't always talk about anal sex and gay stuff. Yeah, but sex docs. Not funny. No. Not nearly as funny.

No. Like these guys like, they just love pretending to be women. And then it fucks up their brain. And all of a sudden it's like cock sucking Dracula. Like I'm ass. I'm talking ass with. I'm in my mouth, docks.

Well, see, the only way that that would be funny now is if he brought back to Jim Carrey fucking, may I ask you a question, fucking, the bend,

like that? Don't make it gay, though. Right. Just about a butt. It's just butt jokes. Not butt farting and stuff. Yeah. Bridge too far.

Bridge to fart, if you will. You can do paper docs. Hey, I'm a piece of paper. Fucking half-empty water bottle growing shit in it now, Docs, even, I don't give a fuck.

Just randomize the fucking thing. Be anyone. Have it so as to your random fucking guy every 15 different minutes. It's like improv fucking roulette for him. That'd be... Yeah, the ultimate test. That's the game I'm gonna trap him with.

I'm gonna build that one next. Liam says, now your balls are gone. It's time to get on TRT. Yeah. That's what I need. Dynamite? Yeah. Get on some...

Try nitro glycerin. The fucking little... I can start working out with the fucking pumping thing. My friend actually has a purse that looks like a pyramid stack of dynamite sticks. It unzifts in the top and it's got like a little clock on the outside

with like wires that go to it. The airport does not like that purse at all. Victoria says the girl Maddox was interviewing and been a fan of his show for over two half decades. That's true. That's true. Winrars, you were mentioned on America first again. Whoa.

Wow, let me see. What an honor. What an honor. To be mentioned by the man who directs 50% of Washington staffers. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, we wow. Let's see here. Let's listen in. Now I gotta bring it up.

Okay. Why is it all chopped up? Okay. The Nick Fentz show America first. Dick Masterson watched so tape could run. The old Dr. Phil tapes with a blueprint. He really doesn't get enough credit for that. I watched that when I was a kid.

When I met Dick Masterson in L.A. years and years ago, I think I told them that. Like he kind of red-pilled me on women 20 years ago. I remember being like a little numb-num, like I was a little kid. And I was watching Dick Masterson on YouTube on Dr. Phil. And I was like, this guy's awesome. That's such a deep cut.

People forget that. People legit, it's just like before your time. People forget it. He was like bald. He had the aviators on. And, uh, Just like shitting on fat women. There's nothing else like that.

Yeah, that was good stuff. Consensually careless smile. Yeah, because he was kind of like the blueprint for that. Well said, it's exactly right. Consensually careless smile. Man. Somebody had to get the word out, Johnny. You know?

I'm telling you. I saw things happening. I saw things happening and no one was, no one was no one was pointing them out it felt like it was something that needed to be said on a global scale

it was like discovering the moon existed dude it was it was I remember it's funny it's funny what happened on the end of the biggest problem because it reminded me of a conversation that I had with the

Dr. Phil producers after the show after the show went out and it was like chaos because everyone was pissed that that I was some people were, half the people were pissed because I was obviously trolling and the other half of people were pissed

because I was obviously hiding the truth behind trolling. So they were all pissed. They were all pissed for different reasons, except for the guys, except for the guys doing work. They were like, ah, this is great. I don't care. Either way, both ways

are funny. If he's just messing around, that's funny. If he's saying what he really thinks, under the guys of messing around just to get through. That's even funnier. Doesn't matter. That's the whole fucking point. Because one of the,

after the show, one of the producers, one of the producers and I, well, a bunch of the producers and I, started talking, and they said, well, we brought you in at the last minute, because we had a guy who hated women, but he, like, really hated them.

Like, it wasn't funny. He was, like, really bitter and angry. so then somebody found you and you're like you can be on TV right like you could say all this stuff and you could be on TV and it's something they couldn't really put it into words

why what the difference was and then I found myself having the exact same conversation with Vito on the show and he's like I really hate women you don't hate women they do me too and they do me too

and they ruin the world oh okay I mean I don't really what I do is if I just hated women they would have no problem with that I would have a YouTube channel I would not have anything taken from me

I would not be worried about getting banned anywhere because they have a way to counter that it's like oh you're a virgin you don't get any pussy your dick is small like all this stuff works on people who hate women like that but I'm just like I mean

kind of indifferent You Well it's like I know what you guys are gonna do You're gonna fuck up It's a statistical fact Is this men are better than women And the fact that none of them can Understand that

I don't hate women I just think like you guys are You're retarded You're retarded And fat You gotta lose some weight Yeah You know

That's obvious right It's like For your health For their health Yeah But it's like Like, you know, if you tell someone like, hey, you're getting in your own way, it's like, no, I'm not, I'm not getting in my own way. Look at how piss off I am.

Okay. Like, say, you know, but it's like pointing that out in women, like, they hate that. Yeah. That's what they hate. But it's like, there's a way to be funny about the things that annoy you versus like, no, I actually. I actually, I hate the government. I seeth about this. I'm not joking about the government.

I'm seething with hatred. That's a correct thing to hate. But not women. I just, you know, don't want to hear what they have to say. So shoot me. So I don't, yeah. So I ignore it. That's a thing.

That's much funny. And they hate it. And they fucking hate it. They hate that. What do you mean you're ignoring what we're saying? Like, oh, gee, I don't know, Peg. I go, huh? I mean, I listen to one.

That's plenty. Yeah. That's enough. Most of the time. That's some of the time. that's plenty for me I'm starting to get better about the question you're not even listening you're just saying yes

huh? Why would you say that? I say no to that see that's a good one but hopefully you know it is it is it is funny that Nick

the things we do matter the things we do echo in eternity it's funny to see where it's funny to see where everything has gone and that we're having a We're living through a total rejection of a system that feminists took decades to build, which is one of anti-racism and distrust of your own, distrust of your own senses and rationality,

a perversion of your, a perversion of any sense of self, of identity specifically male and specifically white identity and I wish it didn't have to be explicitly a white identity but it does white people get

hammered way more because they're the most dangerous when they get together and start and start having in group preference then they'll fucking wipe you out they'll do it from the moon white people will build a rocket

instead of base on a moon and drop tunks and rods on your fucking ass all over Africa they'll just decide to do it but it is interesting watching the inversion of it's interesting watching the total inversion of this lagged and destitute hell that women empowered by the media

have turned society into where we're just constantly the people in charge now there's a there's a decades lagged behind it, but the people in charge even still are just constantly arguing against our own interests, self-interest, economically and militarily. And the great embarrassments, the great embarrassments that we've suffered are similar to the great military and financial embarrassments that the male class of laborers have endured historically and historically, and historically they will always trade the illusion of liberty, which we have now with the certainty of autocratic dictatorship that will serve their common self-interest, which is, which is a majority of labeled fascism today because it's so powerful, but it's always been, it's always been the case for thousands of years that will, that will oscillate between centralized control of, of, of, um,

resources and an autocratic dictatorial control that serves one group. Now who that group will be, I don't know. We'll see who wins this holy war. We've been fighting them for thousands of years. See who wins this one. That's why it's important to understand the prices, right?

Because when people try and sell you bullshit, if you know the price, you can't sell me that bullshit. Yeah. I know that you're not healthy at any size, you fat fuck. You're wheezing, typing this stuff. a fucking article. I know this isn't a man because I can't understand a fucking word she's saying.

Yeah. He's saying. So get it out of here. The little X button icon popped up in my fucking scanner and I had to push to zoom in. That's a woman-triggered event. It's funny though. It's fun watching it all play out. It's fun. Okay, let's do let's do everybody's favorite.

Everybody's least favorite. It's my favorite. Oh, well, thank you. So here's a clip of why I actually quit smoking weed. Okay. Also a good divorced dad segment. Oh, wait. Let me resize it.

Oh, perfecto. Beautiful. Yeah, don't forget the volume on this one, because, man, I saw this. I think, I think I'm going to be sober now. Hey, to the people who will smell weed and then make a big stink about it by like, can you like die? I have autism and ADHD. This shit stabilizes me.

Cigarettes? I don't know. Maybe you want me being a raging fucking psychopath. Maybe that's what you want. You're a raging psychopath. Seems kind of fucking stupid. Like, you smell nasty shit all the goddamn time. Welcome to planet Earth.

By the way, smelling a little bit of weed isn't going to get you high. Like, just smelling it isn't, like, I'd have to blow it directly in your face for you to feel anything. I fucking saw this. You don't know that you're a full girl who's fucking adult. Killed me. Like this old lady that walked by. You're like 60-something. something. You still have this fucking attitude?

Jesus fucking Christ, lady, you literally grew up during the hippie era. Get over yourself. My mom smoked weed. And then she has that adage. When she's not... It's like, you used to smoke. While she was pregnant. Who the fuck is you? Between the bandana, the spiked

hair, the fucking stupid and the unbuttoned fucking target shirt. Like, come on. He's got his real hair. That's his real... That. It's not like a bandana with a fake care do. Yeah, I'm a raging fucking lunatic. You fucking raging psycho. Whoa. Oh, this was self-explanatory. I don't remember what it was, but it was, oh yeah.

Malicious hamster, sexual pigeon. Hospitals should be investigated. For what? All right. Some things in the psych ward. And there are some things that... I'm sorry, did she say I picked up some things in the psych ward? She's noticing some things in the psych ward. That's where Scarlet is right now. That's what makes it even funnier that I brought this into that. I didn't... I'm suspicious. Why? So suspicious. and how I made sure my brain was functioned properly.

It's like snack pack labels, iodized salt. It's a bunch of candy bars and like yogurt labels. Everything she ate, but she took the label and put it in a notebook. I doubt it's been washed off. Yes, it's going to be fucking disgusting. Salt was always iodineized. It's like kind of like pink lemon salt. K.I.

It didn't have sodium in it. You know, no wonder why some of the patients were like, I need salt and everything. Sorry, the iodized salt doesn't have sodium in it Is that what you just said? I think so. Wow. Dude, you got to check the label.

This is why you have to read the labels, Dick, and you're exactly right. See? You're not, everyone out here just assuming that salt, right? What if you need salt? You know, the funniest thing about the Nick Fuentes-Groiper, like they're 50% of staffers, I don't know, maybe it's not the funniest,

but is watching the degradation of they've exhausted, they've exhausted the supply of stupid women, liberals, you know, communists. Right. People who want to kill you, take your stuff. They so exhausted the supply of women who are now like, who they stuck into these lives where they grew up with careers and are now like childless and 40. And they fucked up and scrambled their brains so much that they,

broke them, they broke their core demographic and now they have to just import people who are too stupid to understand democracy as a concept or just prefer straight up crime. Like they don't need to, they don't need to abstract the criminality of what they're doing anymore. They just bring in criminals and say vote for the criminals. Like that was the, that's been the natural extension of feminism this entire time. But that's, you can't say that on Dr. Phil and get people behind it. You've got to just say, look at how fat they are. Which is the same.

It's the same. Nobody should be encouraging that behavior and we all know it. If you follow the fat, dude. Follow the fat. It fucking, it all goes back down to the fucking. You got to follow the fat. And who's selling it? Who's selling these hippos, the sugar that they love?

Look, I looked, I went to Target the other day, dude? Who's selling it? to them. Hungry, hungry hippos is much more lifelike than it used to be.

They're gobbling it up by the gallon. Just gobbling, man. Guzzling. Dude, Starbucks is unrecognizable now

from when I was a teenager. You used to resemble a coffee shop, but now it's just like a straight up, uh, it feels like a,

it feels like a, a tax store where big fat hippos come in and just get sludge, a sugar slurry pumped into a trough that they wear around their neck back into their... It's revolting.

Yeah. It's inhuman. Dude, the limited cup drops, too? I saw a herd of cattle in front of Target to either dinner. I was like, what the fuck? People are setting their moms to get Pokemon cards now? No. Starbucks cups.

Ugh. Fucking insane. It's just, it's disgusting. Like, it's this own separate economy of like... Starbucks points. Dude. And calories. Calary Mallory

We gotta get that We gotta find those guards from Morocco And get them in here Train them up on on immigration enforcement Give him some boulders Someone bring that secret squirrel And say hey Morocco mole Do your job

Bring the Morocco mole back here Hook him up with some rocks That actually was Morocco mole We just saw he said Popping his head up Wham! Wait, hang on I didn't see a single fucking fez

Was that Morocco? Are we sure that was Morocco? Yeah. Where are the fuck Where are the fezes? The military guys Should have had a fez at least At bare minimum

Like a little fez How do you know they're Moroccans That's what I'm saying They're just another brown people That starts with M That could be Mexico That could be Mexicans Could be anything

Other Mexicans Other Mexicans Some kind of Muslim Madagascarians Even Yeah Mongolians Mammians

Oh Miamians Mayamoids Myamoids? Myamoids? I'm giving us the proper nutrients as they think they should. So what I always did was I asked for ketchup And I do really did like ketchup, but now I do Prison. Put her in prison.

Cheese withs because it has mustard in it. Yeah, cheese with because it's got mustard. Yeah. That's healthy. It wasn't the canola oil butter that causes heart disease. They stop serving that, apparently. Look, I love free association and think it's one of the funny means of humor, but like this is like

no longer funny to me. I'm like, oh this is like, do not copy. She's got, do not. Oh, there's band-aids there. Come on, ladies. Original content, do not steal, dude. So let's see. This is, oh, a one-man pest control show. This is what I see when I do posters. Oh, God,

all right, it's a guy with a giant knife pulling at his skin. He doesn't kill himself with it, thankfully. Okay, he's pulling in his thigh skin. Yeah. So his whole thing, oh, oh! He's scraping. He's just scraping his thigh

And so he thinks he's trapped He calls his skin a cocoon And so he's trying to scrape To scrape the outer layers of his skin One tiny micro layer at a time This is like I think there's a type of massage that does this Like reflexology or something

See that's what you would think Except for Then you look at the caption And it's like oh Peeling that cocoon He's trying to break out dude The bugs have formed into one bug Dude, I bet he is doing that thing that I'm talking about in his own way.

Yeah. Oh, that's weird. Whether intentionally or unintentionally. Man, I swear they fucked up my bisectomy on a fucking ball. Maybe that guy was trying to fucking... They unwound it, you know? I was telling you, they unwounded it a notch. Now the wrong one, saggs.

It's like those yarn fucking spoolers at the fucking craft source. I need to get one of those. Fucking, okay, so this last one is the cottage cheese factory tour. I think we already did watch this one, but Fat watch today in fat news. Dude. It was that one. It was the one with the fucking...

It's just a ring of fat women strutting their stuff. And one fat homosexual. Well, you notice it's the one black guy there. He's cleaned the house. Oh, wait. I got to show you something. Wait, wait, wait. This is two black guys.

Brain rut. Let's fucking go. Brain rot bonus. Bonus round. We've hit fucking frenzy mode, everybody. No, no, no. Where is it? Fuck!

Graphene. Hey, man, I had a bunch of shit to talk about. Dog racism. Oh, tipping kitchen stuff. Yeah. The centaur. The evil robots. Oh, I saw the centaur.

That thing's crazy. I'd rather just die in a fire, actually. Then get rescued by this. awesome centaur look at this sick ass centaur with a head of a demon yeah but then it's like it's all fun in games

till you're in like a corn maze somewhere and you see one of those and then you're fucked okay so this is this is what I was thinking right let me see let me see the other one that I brought in this isn't what I was gonna bring in I had a black guys dancing

let me see if I can find it but okay so they're getting more and more of these robots right they're getting more and more of these robots that are like house helpers but watch look at the way this fucking thing moves right so this is a house robot helper

and it's cleaning up okay it's cleaning up it's it's dusting and then it's moving around to do more dusting but it like doesn't it's like a it's like a six foot tall toddler right? Whoa yeah. With no head so listen like within 10 years you're going to be driving around at night and you're going to see shit like this

lurking around in everyone's fucking house. Like, do-to-do-do-do-do-to-do-th like looking like a... Like all alone, yeah. Dude, looking like fucking backrooms. There's going to be like weird demons.

Imagine having to chip. Well, imagine that's your drive home, right? Where you're going like, uh, don't look in the windows. Don't look in the windows. Because there's going to be these automaton going like, uh-uh,

gr-uh-uh-uh-huh. It's going to be terrifying. And goat-headed centaurs popping out of the shrubbery. Fuck. tormenting my mailman forever I don't want to see this shit at night between charge cycles

just make it go do jumping jacks for like hours on end just sit it walking around okay wait let me find the black guys yo I'm gonna put a bench press in my front yard and just have it bench pressing until it runs out of batteries every day and saying like debo

debo quotes just get like a fucking like hire a special effects artist to fucking make a like perfect do a life cast of my fucking face and arms and everything and then re-skin this robot to just be bench-brought have all the neighbors be like dude is he okay he's been out there for hours his fucking bench pressing

god I gotta find this black guy's dancing thing or also I'm going to lose it uh biggest problem Spain Spain Saintar Centaur Fouchi people making out

Tifa getting nerved something Vivek a giant magnet in China this women being fat truck drive there it is okay what the hell is this as part of its decolonization efforts the Belgian government spent two million euros

to subsidize an art event where black guys dance naked as a form of self-deference against depression to reclaim space. Belgium has the highest debt per cavity in the EU, by the way. Okay, here it is. There's two black eyes.

I mean, like, too gay-looking, skinny black eyes. And they're all just stupid old white people, all serious staring at them wiggling their wiener around. They're just dancing like Millie Vanilly.

That's... It is Millie Vanilly, actually. Oh shit, did we freeze? Uh-oh. I hope it hasn't been frozen like this the whole time. Okay, there it's back. Probably this video. Ba-ba-ba-ba.

That's so fucking crazy. They can tell their story and bring resistance. The craziest part is they fucking brought Brazilians to Belgium. What the fuck are, like... I don't know if this is working. It's like a men-on-film. Yeah

fucking Z snap That's two snaps up right there And then they go like this The wiggle snap is fucking crazy That's like God damn That sounds like one of my schemes To fucking get rich quick

Like yo It's real easy It's gonna cost us nothing That's fucking crazy That's fucking crazy That's so fucking crazy. And they're in sync too, because they've been practicing this. That's fucking...

Hey man, are you showing up for rehearsals this week? Like, we got to fucking really nail this fucking performance. We got two million bucks. Yeah. Man, we got two million bucks what we're going to do? I don't know. Let's just take all of our clothes off and dance like this. Like, right, they figured this out right before the dance.

Yeah, on the way in. I hope you guys have your presentation ready. What? Oh shit, that was today. Shit. Got it. Quick, take your clothes off. It's the no music part that makes it even fun here.

They play the theme song to Squid Games. They fucking wiggle their wieners right in everyone's face. Dude, dude, dude. I want to talk to these guys. They're geniuses. Well, now the thing, Dick, I've learned, right? Yeah. In going on field trips as a kid to the zoo over the years.

Yeah. And my experience is with the world and life around us and stuff is, when you see monkeys in the zoo dancing, not saying that they're monkeys, I'm not making any sort of. I'm just saying that in nature. In nature. There is a thing where certain animals will do a little dance. And when you watch them dance, they go, ha, ha, ha, ha, and then they shit into their hand and then throw it up at you in one of the jumps.

Fake out. The fake out. Yeah. So if I see anyone dancing with no music, get rid of them. I'm fucking out of striking distance. You can't fool me. I've waved at enough chimps in the zoo to know that if you fucking. Start dancing at me.

If you piss off any primates at the zoo, because they understand your face and that were similar enough. Yeah. So then while you're like, man, this is a great dance. These guys are real funny and entertaining. Like I'm learning about my decolonization efforts. Instead of pooping the face, that's $2 million of your tax bucks gone. I'm learning. Maybe we should just stop fucking silly pants dance time.

That's what it's time for, dude. That's it. That's going to be my silly pants. That's a skating routine. Okay, let's do it. Naked fucking. Let's do it. Let's do it.

All right, easy. Let's do it. No choreographer needed. Save the shit ton of money on this bit. Good. We're already practiced up and done. All right, goodbye, everyone. See ya.