The Dick Show - Episode 519 - Dick on I, Burrito

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

The War on Burritos, not enough workers for my factory, the WNBA finally gets interesting, pooping in the pool, chimps at the zoo get low income housing, a Podesta painting in my neighborhood, the Joker stops a mass shooter, and advice for a guy with no friends; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I forgot what I was even going to talk about. I did too. I need a beer today. I've been, you know what happens is, you know you need something. I know I need a beer and I'm like, I don't want to get any fatter. I'm just going to drink a bunch of whiskey. And then I keep just pounding. I keep trying to piss up that rope of drinking three glasses of whiskey.

I wake up and the craving is still there and I'm like, man, I got to get it. I need that beer, but then it gets every time rolls around to bed time. 7.30 And I think, I don't want to get any fatter. I'm just going to have some whiskey. And then the whiskey turns into a bag of chips and wake up the next day with the craving.

I'm just, I just got to do it. I got to have a beer. Nothing else will do. Got to start doing high balls. Highballs are even the Japanese highballs? Yeah.

It's even worse, man. Because then I'm functional. Then I'm on Twitter. Then I'm on Twitter fed posting about we're in a holy war and we need to kill banker. account losing stuff. You know, that's not helping anybody.

Talking about who we need to kill. Everyone knows who we need to kill. You can't say it. That's the point. They won't let you say it. That's the whole fucking point. Pick at random. They probably deserve to die.

White people are minority. So, you know, globally. So, you know, odds are. Play Russian roulette with it. Let's have a good time. Just drop a bomb anywhere. Any which where. Pick a spot.

Drop some bombs on it. It'll be all right. the highball is the sickest most cruelest joke because you're like well i can drink sparkling water and i can drink whiskey no problem but you mix the two together god has that taste man has a taste that etches in your brain like that highball taste it's stronger than coffee yeah like i'll clean the whole house i'll pick every single fiber out of the couch i'll do i'll disson i'll take my microwave apart i have i've had so many in japan i come home and i try to i try to mix the sipy like gargamel up in my

kitchen. I'm like, I need that energy, man. I need that highball. I need that highball energy and I'm up there fucking making a concoction. And every time I just end up with whiskey. I don't know how they do. I don't know how they do it. I'll mix it up and I'm like, this tastes like fucking watered down whiskey. It tastes like shit.

It tastes like shit. It doesn't taste like Japan at all. And why are the women here so fat? That's how it always goes with me trying to mix my own high balls. I go there and I try to take notes watching the bartenders

Okay, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? Smoking. All right, maybe I'll try smoking. Gotta wear a little Miyagi bandana too. Right. I don't know, I gotta try it. You have to spend three years washing ice.

Maybe I'm just not a high, maybe I just can't mix highballs. Oh yeah, like the hero jeans of sushi. I gotta go wash ice. I gotta go scrub the ice, Dicka San. Why am I scrubbing ice? is going away. Ah.

Some masters making you polish ice. Polish ice. I gotta fucking polish this fucking ice so bad. You son of a bitch! You son of a bitch! For three years. I watched that documentary. I see that poor guy making eggs for three years

and he's crying at the end when Hero Sons has good eggs. I'm like, what the fuck kind of perverse ass shit is this? Yeah, out here... I bet these guys make great pornography. I don't know about anything. I don't want to, I don't know what anything else is going on here, three years making eggs.

Yeah, try making eggs for 30 years at Waffle House. Oh, man. Did you see that one Japanese game developer who said, why do people keep sending me the Waffle House is a place for the level in Tekken? Like, everything with them is like, you know. It's so innocent. Yeah, it's so. They don't have Netflix over there just going every day. Black people, black people, black people, black people, you know.

So they don't know, they don't get it. Oh, they'll get it. They're getting it. Oh, man, are they getting it? They gotta make the shin consen a little wider. Right. Because of all the fat bitches. The canckel consent.

Canckel consen. I didn't consent to those cancels, ma'am. Cover them up. Please cover them up. Dude, someone sent me a picture of a foot, a regular-sized foot. Mm-hmm. And then... Canckel?

It went wider. It looked like the width Like two legs Yeah It was like Fucking sumo suit Uh Weight Watchers is up on the Patreon

Patreon Patreon.com slash The Dick Show We got a Weight Watchers and a bonus episode It's the first month that the Patreon Has gone up since Sean left It's something to celebrate It's something to celebrate Thank you everybody

Very grateful I bought my son some strawberries And he goes What's this taste? I said it's the taste of daddy Patreon going up for the first times. I know that we've had to cut back. I was able to get something off the $3 menu this time.

I got him some new clothes. He's stuck in, you know, clothes for a six-month-old. He's like, I can't breathe. Oh, training him earlier, I see. Mm-hmm. Mm. All right, let's start the show. Presenting.

Oh. Obama is next up. Yeah. Yeah, welcome for Dick. You want Dick, you need Dick, you love to you. You got it. It's a show where it's a contest coming you live from Mount Bunker Deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your host Dick Mancherson.

Joining me is Jodynuch, the audio engineer. What's happening? What's up, buddy? Dude. My balls are finally returning to normal, I think. Nature's healing. Oh, yeah, nature's healing, all right. To the ebb and flow of my balls.

The ebony and flovony? I think my dog even suspects something's up. looking like the great gazoon nuts over here fuck I got some kind of I got some kind of a preternatural knack of getting shit on

by my son and every time I try to take him in a body of water it's like he stores it up fucking dumps it out first time go ahead I was gonna say he's just practicing man shitting on me just fucking traveling abroad I guess oh we're practicing

For a trip to Canada, yeah. The first time, he had really bad crying all the time, screaming for like six months, for six months of his life. So we'd try anything, you know. Songs. T. Shacking off.

I tried to shack off as much as possible. Didn't do anything. You know. I would try to take 90-minute shits to stop the crying. Me by myself, taking 90-minute shit. That helped for a little bit, but, you know, you can't shit forever. That's what I've learned. I'd just love to go into the bathroom with a set of tools and board up the door from the inside.

But you can't. You just can't. You got responsibilities. Someone will tear your house down, probably. I don't know. But eventually, they'll drag you out of there and make you go back to work. That's the worst part. Someone will tunnel in under the ground, drag you out.

And everyone knows who I'm talking about. The tunnelers, of course. A little dig-dug coming there. Dig-dug. Shoot a... One of those spears in your ass. The first time he was a little baby, I've read on the Instagram, maybe you'd take a warm bath, and that will stop them from crying.

So I'm like, all right. And he's like, they look like a... They just look like a little quado. When they're little, like a little hemorrhoid. I'm like, all right. Let's get you in the bath. Let's see here. You know, mom's going nuts.

a Kathy comic. And I'm like, all right, let's dip you in the bath, see how, see, maybe you'll calm down, you know, it's nice and calming, like the womb, maybe. We're all trying to get back in there, buddy. Believe me, you spend the next 40 years trying to get back in there. And then the next 40 years, we're trying to stay away. Trying to stay away. Nothing but trouble.

My autobiography of women. Unlicensed biography of all women. Nothing but trouble. So I drop his little hemorrhoid ass in the little worm ass in the bath. Immediately shits. God damn it, all right. Shit all over the place. So, go forward a year yesterday.

And I'm like, all right, let's go play outside. Mom's having some, you know, mom doesn't feel well. She's going to lay down for a little bit. We're going to go outside and give her a little break. right? Let's go. Let's go hop in the little kitty pool outside. You got a little inflatable kitty pool. Cool. You know, it's cool. It's tight.

I had to get an assault rifle, salt gun to keep the bees away. That's tight too. Dude, gun and shit down in your own backyard. Always cool. Awesome. So the dog goes nuts over the hose. It's like, the dog's like retarded. If there's a hose going, it's trying to bite it and stuff, going,

crazy. I'm like, stay, all right, just keep the dog inside the house. Just me and the boy out here, enjoying this nice kiddie pool. And I don't want to go. I don't want to bother mom for where the fuck is his swimsuit, because I'm never going to find it. I know I wasn't listening when she said, this is what all the drawers are for. This is what all the meticulously organized drawers are for.

I wasn't listening. This is, this is what I call garbage information that I don't need to keep track of. I'm not going to go looking for it. I'm not going to ask her. I don't care. he just take his diapers off like let's just go hang out you know I'm not gonna

I'll just wear my underwear you know normal totally normal and he's having him he's having a rough day too screaming so that's why mom's wore out it's like all right let's take a little soak in the pool right

I'll get in the pool he stops screaming for one second I'm like oh cool okay I look down I see bubbles coming out of his and I have a moment to think oh bubbles where there's where there's smoke

there's fire right I see the bubbles and I have a I have I have the thought in my mind but I don't have

enough time to even think it all the way through which is maybe I could run and get them on the toilet before all this shit comes because he had like the babies they get this

their stomachs are like hard as a rock like bulletproof hard as a rock when they haven't shit in you know 10 minutes Yeah, 10 minutes.

So you know they're due because it's like a boo-woo. One of those Popeye animations is on it. Woo! Like a turkey. Woo! And I see the bubbles coming out of his, you know,

legs area, whatever, coming out. Like, uh-oh. Maybe I could grab you and run in and hop on the toilet. So I pick him up. And it was like

three enormous. mislogs of shit. Like it kept coming, like the shit was holding still and I was pulling the baby off of the rope of shit. Whoa! And he starts screaming because no one wants to be picked up while they're taking shit, right?

So he's screaming. Ah! You know, and he said, ah! Um, you know, 80s girl. Mom! Help! Help! I could eat some help out here! Because I kind of don't know what to do.

do. Like I can't kick the poop. I want to kick the poop and keep it away from me, but I don't want to move because if you move in the wrong way, the vortex will pull the poop in. And I also know I need to get out of there because I don't have like a subatomic, you know, microscope vision on my eyes, but I know them poop particles are floating around and getting everywhere. It's contaminated. It's fucking contaminated. This is Blackwater. You know, I see the Reds on the map springing up coming for Arthur Morgan. You've entered Blackwater. And I think I can hear Dutch in my head going, I'll think of something.

I'm like, ah! And I don't, and the poop's still coming. It's like, piling up. I think, honey, I say, honey, help! Help! I don't want to go too loud, though, and make it seem like I'm getting raped from the neighbors or something like that.

Because I don't want them coming out and see me holding a little baby's, naked babies, weaners. All fucking wiggling around. Shit, flying everywhere. So my wife opens the door. And the dog just comes barreling out. Like,

fuck. So I've got the baby in two hands who's screaming. I don't know how much poop he's got. Because it could be like, it could be a clincher. It could be a cutter, a cutter, right?

Where it's cut off and it's clean and you don't even need to wipe. But it could just be fucking Montezuma's revenge back there. I don't know. Well, Dick, do you know why turds are tapered? Why's that? So your asshole doesn't slam shut.

Wham! Like a wombat. Right. And in my mind, I'm thinking, you goddamn bitch, why did you let the dog? But obviously, you know, obviously that's a stupid ass thing.

That's a stupid, that's a thought given to you by Satan. Right? Satan is always in there trying to get you to yell at your wife or something that is just obviously in our fault that she would no one,

no reasonable person would ever think that the dog could not be outside. But that's just like what Satan, those are the thoughts that Satan puts in your mind and that Jesse Lee Peterson says you have to ignore. But they still,

it takes work to ignore them. And by that time, the dog's like, seeing all the water. Like, ah, tongue out. Like, oh man, here I go.

I'm about to fucking E Honda body slam this kitty pool. Oh my God, you fucking idiot dog. So I react. I react totally on instinct. And just do a,

do a big boot and the dog jumps in. I do a Hulk Hogan big boot and put my foot in the dog's chest, right? It's a big dog. That's a big dog, yeah. My dog's, she's very fat. She's very big. He's like a tank.

She fights, my sister's got this 90-pound dog and they fight like, they fight like they're trying to kill each. You know how dogs are when they're familiar with you. You know, you really have to. Yeah. She's moving at full speed. By the time she gets.

to the blackwater pool, I react on instinct, you know, putting the big boot into her. I know exactly how much force it takes to stop my dog because I wrestle with her all the time. So I go, boom, you know, plant except with my foot. And that's when I realize that my nuts are still stitched up. And I go, Oh!

Ha! Ha! ha! ha! I let a scream. That stops everybody. And the babe, Donnie. he goes, what the fuck looking down. That's like finding out

God can take damage. Foot and the dog goes down. What the fuck? And I shit you not. This is the part I was talking, this is what reminded me of that. I'm going, oh, like cringing my dog looks down to my, I look at my dog and I heard, she's looking like this at my nuts.

Like, what the fuck is going on here? What the hell? Why, you got string coming out of your balls? That's... And my wife comes out, you goes, are you okay? Said, I'm actually, I'm upset that you asked that question. I have another bad thought. Because my pants fell down and I picked them up.

You know, I'm just wearing underwear. Like... Right, yeah. Yeah, see in the pool. I get up. I got up too fast. I got up so fast to get away from the poop. That's like a fucking cartoon sketch.

There's everything in there. Yeah, there was. I said, all right. I'm done. Here you go. That was my... She's like, you were only out there for three minutes. Well, everything went really bad.

Three minutes. The longest three minutes in the fucking history. The longest three minutes of my life. You know what I found myself doing, too, speaking of my balls. I always used to... I spend most of my life on a laptop, right? Right. On a vertical position on the couch.

Pretty much like a Wally character. you know. I spent most of my life in that position. And I've always been cognizant of the laptop overheating my balls, you know? Because I'm like, oh, I don't want to go sterile, you know? No, you don't have to. Last night I'm sitting there, I'm sitting there half watching Plurbus or something. Some Apple TV show shit when everyone's in bed. Having a whiskey when I should have been drinking a beer,

my laptop starts going nuts running fucking 7 o'clock. agents or whatever it's got going on and I think oh oh I better tip it off my instincts like oh I better tip it off my nuts and then I thought wait just a goddamn minute Jokes on Jokes on you balls Kick back put my hands behind my head let that thing

Cook my testicles like an induction Like an induction Fucking stovetop man Woohoo Little 7-11 roller grill for them boys Ah yeah it was nice Get some nice even coverage man Dude, you're like the asbestos man now.

Fireproof. Fireproof. Close my eyes. I think of some fat strippers sitting on my lap. Ah, great. You got seven agents sitting on your lap. I got seven agents. Claude, fire up a couple more agents.

Get that shit working. Stretch this M3 out, man. Work the shit out, man. Woo-hoo! My stitches were burning. Melt them out, yeah. Melt the shit right out. I'm gonna put lotion on these stitches and pull them out later.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. getting pricked. Yeah. I'm sick of getting pricked by... Do you think he just told you that, though? Because he wants to be the one to tinch it up, like a fucking... I forgot the best fucking part of that story.

What? Okay, so... So, babies learn... They learn... Like, they don't know how to do anything. Even move their fingers. Like, there's a day where they can move their fingers individually with the first time. And they're like, whoa, I could check this out.

And then all day, they'll go like, do-d-d-d-do-do-do-move their finger. And you're like, yo, awesome. So yesterday, my son learned how to do fist. like on purpose. Usually their fists are just kind of reaction, but now he's making fists, right? So that's what in the pool when I sat him down, he was going, oh like fucking Dragon Ball Z, oh, going super saying and I was like oh that's cool, you're doing your fist thing. And that's when I saw the bubbles come up with, oh, oh, oh, oh. He's doing like a super science shit, saying poop.

He's trying to blast off, man. You know, they put, they put, they put, they put, they They put projects at the zoo? I was meant to come here and talk about $20 burritos. Well, we got to complain about that too. They put projects in the zoo. Like the projects?

Yeah. There's a chimpanzee enclosure. They got the one in the front. The chimpanzees? Oh, man. What I'm going to say is not appropriate. Do you wave at him? Yeah, I try to fuck with them.

Point at them and stuff. Yeah. But they don't do it. We heard this huge, my wife. She found out, and this part was great. The first part's great. The second part, stupid. She was at the library,

and she figured out that you could like get zoo tickets for free with a library card. Oh. They have some kind of deal. I don't know. Weird. for poor people. I don't know what it is for.

You could just like check out a ticket, a library ticket, a zoo ticket. What the fuck? You get it for free. So this was back in maybe March when she went to the library for the first time. It was a kid. And she goes, yeah, I'll take one of those.

And so she reserved it for, what is this month? July, August. So she reserved it for like August 5th or 6th or something. So we waited. up that day she goes hey it's zoo day said really 95 degrees out he goes well we don't have to go but you know i'm not gonna pass i'm not gonna pass up free something and let that get out right all right this was a good move this free stuff that you did this was great let's give it a shot so we go to the zoo and it's the zoo's all concrete right there's nothing there's nothing covering anything

It's a fucking nightmare. It's the LA Zoo. I don't know why they built it like that. You know, they used to have like a concentration camp in there for Jews. World War II. Really? Yeah, somebody went on their own and built a concentration camp. So zoo was originally spelled J?

Is what you're saying? Yeah, I think that I think I'm right. I think that's accurate trivia. It checks out, right, yeah. Anyway, it's hotter than fuck. We're kind of, it's so hot that the drinking founts are even closed down. They spray out steam There was a couple dead retarded people there

Just lying around like the Civil War Just rows of retarded people with their fedoras all messed up Because it's so hot Yeah They died They entered a state of retarded hibernation From which they could not be roused They were just on the ground

Uh So we stepped around all the retarded people We're walking around the Zoom and we get to the giraffes, right? And the next is the chimpanzees, and we hear, wham! Like somebody ran a, like somebody ran a car into something, you know? Yeah.

And I'm like, no, we fucking missed it. We run over to the chimps. It was like, yeah, the chimp just charged the glass and slammed into the glass, right? Because that's what you're always, that's what I'm always trying to do. Yeah. Do them to throw poop or the run into the glass.

That's what you really want. That's a crazy one, yeah. That's when they get really pissed off, right? They fucking lose it. So, nothing good was happening there. So we're kind of wandering around, trying to figure out where to go that's, like, closer because it's so hot.

Okay, I don't really want to walk over to the rhinos right now. It's fucking too hot over there. And we wandered back behind the chimp enclosure. And there's, like, another secret chimpanzee enclosure. and I shit you not it's it looks like downtown like it's it's like buildings

it's like a fucking building with a fire escape and like little rooms and stop it there what the fuck and they're freaking out and screaming at each other I like that they're freaking out

that's fucking my wife said that's where that phrase comes from and I said what and she goes chimping out that's where that phrase is from Like, what do you mean that's where that phrase is from? Yeah.

What do you mean? Because I just didn't know they acted like that. I said, who are you talking about? Yeah, like, you're in the middle of the war zone. Because the monkeys, I said it again. Yeah. You know, they're just like, ah, ah, ha, ha. Yeah, they go, ah, ah, ah.

Clarify, clarify, clarify. Great trip, honey. Great trip to the zoo. Man. Maybe there's a hotter day. Maybe you could find a hotter day than that next time. Okay, let's get on to the news. The war on burritos, or do you want the WNBA first?

Burritos. I care about burritos. I don't know what fuck about sports. It's the first time. It's the first time the WNBA is worth watching, though. Oh, really? You didn't see this? No.

two like two former NBA guys said they're now women and they're and they're submitting for the draft. So new meta unlocked. That's the method. That's the method. And their, the execution is flawless. Like the idea is like kind of gay and played out. And again, it's, it's, it's like, this would not be funny at all if they had either ignored it or said, no, fuck off. Right. But the WNBA decision. that they needed to have like a league meeting to see what the proper response is. Yeah, let's go over. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, I got to show you this. Now I'm thinking about it.

It's the only time they finally made the WNBA worth paying attention to and they simply did it by adding men to it. Isn't that remarkable? Let me find this guy. I think Stephen Moore, what's his name? No, that's not, this is the burrito shit. Let's find the WNBA.

Yeah, we'll get around to the burrito. We'll get around to burritos. Yeah, Royce White. You know, right now. Here he is. Here he is in a wig. Former NBA player Royce White just dropped this line. Oh, this guy's such a cock sucker.

Okay, this guy's going for the WNBA draft. Here you go. You know, right now I'm just having a blast in my feminine era. I never thought that I was a woman. You know, I've always trusted the science. I thought I was a man my entire life. But, you know, after further review, you know, strong look at my personal preferences. It would appear that I am indeed sometimes identifying as a transgender woman.

And I think it's only fair I get a chance to play with some of my queens here in the twilight of my career, my athletic prime. Well, and so exactly what you're saying, Royce, is just sort of unveils, pulls the curtain back. Shut up, you fucking nerd. It's not unveiling anything. It's exactly the fucking same. You fucking pencil dick idiot. You joke ruining piece of shit. Fuck you.

The lack of clarity in the WMBA's policies under Article 8 of a 2020, a bargaining agreement, it's simply Okay, there it is. So this giant black guy with a beard. The only thing that could have made it better is if you had like a short, like neon colored bob or something.

He wears a wig. Sometimes. Yeah, you can see it. It's fucking hilarious. This one. Oh, man. Isn't that great? He trusts the science. Because I guess like the league minimum for the WNBA is,

more than you know how they all through a fit the women oh yeah remember when all women threw a big tantrum about not having enough money then all of a sudden here comes a huge injection of money so these stupid lesbians have to have a meeting to figure out how they're they're whatever you call it i don't know it's hard for me to call it a sport he could just like push women out of the way, like the Red Sea. They're going to bring him in there. All those black chicks that are like trying to kill the white girls in the VNBA.

He's just going to walk in and start hammering them. Bouncing them off. Like the thing. Boom. I want to see this crossover with hockey, too. Oh, yeah. Let's this get whatever these things that women are doing that identify as sports.

I guess you could call them pageants. Right. They're not really... I don't know if it qualifies as competition exactly. It's just mindless entertainment. Is it entertaining? I don't know about that. Well, I think by the technical term.

It's something. Right. It's like... It's something. It exists as a playable form of media. It's not theater. Because it has no plot. Right.

But it does kind of. Yeah. you know it's the continual uh like lesson that like women are worse it's not um it's not quite anything yeah put it put it that way show about nothing the show about nothing is the sport about nothing mm okay let me see uh the burrito thing here it is um oh yeah yeah yeah yeah 20 dollar 20 dollar burritos that's the meme of the week

people people are upset that they can't afford $20 burritos do you hear about that one not really I mean I'm familiar with the concept

of a $20 burrito and Brito is too expensive it is you know what really fucks me off about way too expensive burritos is where the fuck

did all the taco shop carrots go oh yeah they started taking those away we lost the carrots first Lost the fucking carrots first. And then everything else just got worse from there.

This is probably, I think, what it's more related to. Steve. Here's a bunch of boomers on Fox News. Talking about the employment problem. Your thoughts. Steve. Yeah, no, look, I think 3% growth is very achievable. I would be on the higher side of that.

I think we get the 3.5% growth. But again, I want to make this point. We don't have a problem of unemployment. We have a shortage of workers in this country. Marie, we do. We have a shortage. You've reported on this many times. Look at the demand for electricians.

Look at the demand for mechanics. Look at the demand for people who have valuable skills. Talk to employers. They will tell you we can't find enough workers to fill these jobs. Yeah. Your thoughts. Isn't that amazing? in fucking credible

and fucking credible I guess maybe I don't know any I guess do any normal people believe that like anybody under 70 believe that shit no way

it's I can see how like it's like boomer crack this idea that everyone younger than them is just too stupid to do anything and too lazy to learn how like how they're so fucking smart and good at everything

except for anything with electricity you know or anything or being able to tell like that it's not the bank calling them that it's some Indian fucking scammer

like any miraculously everything except that they're just like super skilled at this idea that there's not enough workers to do things

it wouldn't really fly for anything else. Like if you said, there's not enough, there's not, I'm not getting enough hand jobs here. We got to start, there's a shortage of, women do it.

There's not enough, like if women are doing it. There's not enough compliments. There's not enough people. Yeah. You know, business is great. I'm rock,

I'm fat and I'm looking great, but I'm not getting, there's a short, there's a real shortage of Compliments. In any other instance, my point in any other instance is You would say yeah, because you're because you're not because you're you don't look good because you look ugly That's why because you're doing something. That's that's that's why you're not getting compliments That's why you're not getting something is because you're doing

You're lying to our fucking faces. Yeah, because you're lying right to our face There's not enough workers to do this because you're not paying them dick. Yeah, that's why you know paying jack shit all these electrician jobs. You're like well, we posted one, and then there's a bunch that are, like, they want like $50,000 a year for and stuff like that. Way too costly, yeah. I saw Mike Rowe on something the other day lying about that shit. Ford says there's, there's all these jobs that they need. And nobody's crying. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Oh, did Ford tell you that? Yeah. Mike, who's running ads on your fucking show, Mike? Are they built for, is your show built for death? Fucking traitor. Nowhere else would it work like that. there's a real pussy shortage I've noticed

well dude it's crazy like I've heard of audio engineers taking gigs for 20 bucks an hour and then getting paid four months later for like a fucking $200 check and I'm like you guys make me fucking sick like that's insane oh where the fuck let me find

the burrito thing it ties into this uh Ben Shapiro probably started it Dan Crenshaw joined in it basically basically the basically the

Republican Party has returned to their roots of you don't even deserve to you don't even deserve to eat you should be eating garbage you should be living like Oscar the Grouch in a little pod and just eating an unseen supply of

garbage like unhealthy garbage like ramen and banana peels and stuff because somebody said you know burritos are 20 bucks That's outrageous. It's fucking outrageous. It turned into a,

it turned into a series of lectures about how we need to, uh, we need to like, we need to be, um, living in, uh, furnitureless cubes, um,

eating, eating starch, eating bone meal and starch products like, like, like our forebears did. And, uh, it's,

you don't really, see a lot of it's unusual that you see a political movement become simply you don't deserve to eat. Like you don't, you don't, not that you don't need a burrito. Right. $20 burrito. You don't need to dooredash

every day. That's true. It's true that you don't need to doordash every day. Right. It's true that you don't need a $20 burrito. You could just eat banana peels and ramen. Whatever else, Ben Shapiro. I don't know how you're going to die for Israel, eating bananas. appeals though you need these white boys need bulk if they're going to go die for Israel um but do you do deserve it people absolutely deserve to be buying fast food every day well and we used to

this the whole it's it's hard for me to stomach these assholes who are my age or a little bit younger, lecturing people on, lecturing young people on the austerity measures, on the giving shit up, like, living, like, lecturing you on what you should be doing without. When I remember, clearly, people are posting ads, people are posting ads of what America, fast food, and consumerism used to be like that I remember explicitly, somebody posted one about the Taco Supreme from Taco Bell, that they were, and the ad was so good, I remember my entire life. It was, it was, 39 cents, 49 cents, 59 cents, for the Taco Supreme, right? Or 79 cents.

I forget which one it was, but it started. And they posted it from, it was a flyer from a Taco Bell, from a mall, from a Taco Bell in a mall, like a mile away from where I grew up. So that was the Taco Bell. And you could, it was so, it was so wonderful. Everything was so wonderful then that you could find, it was so easy to afford then. It was so easy to splurge on things like fast food. Because you could find, like, you could find 50, you could find a taco on the ground,

on the couch. Like, you could find enough change to get a Taco Supreme, which is now seen as like a luxury item. Something that you- It's got Supreme in the name. It's got Supreme in the name. You could find it in a couch. And our whole society was catered to that. Everything, everything in the 80s was driven toward consumerism.

industrialized consumerism like you can't even imagine today it was just buy, buy, buy brand new big screen look at this this is George Washington and Abraham Liggin

and their arm wrestling and fucking George Washington arm wrestling Harriet Tubman on this big screen projector TV come on down to crazy eddies prices are so insane

I'm gonna fucking kill myself and deep threat of horrors you know like just they were manufacturing devices before before the internet even existed before phones even existed, before

e-commerce existed, QVC would send a fucking phone to your house so you could watch QVC all day and go, I want it, I want it, I want it, like the bat phone. Yeah. It was the primary driver of culture in the 80s,

and specifically in the 80s. Mid-80s, it picked up probably, I don't know, probably petered out, well, I mean, probably 9-11. I don't know, or the dot-com crash or something like, probably right around there. But it goes even further back than that.

Every part of what you'd consider Americana is just people going out and splurging on food. Going out, hanging out with other people and spending money on fucking food. Going to like every single, every single like diner show, fucking Mayberry, Seinfeld is all people going somewhere to eat. Like this, that we've gone, that we've gone so backwards that political pundits and even politicians are arguing for whether or not you should be able to eat with your friends, especially as like young people.

Yeah, you shouldn't be at Chipotle having a, you should, you should be having a $20 burrito. You're not going to be making, I was, I remember being young. You're not making no, you're not making a burrito for yourself for like $3 or whatever they're saying you make. It's easy to make food for a bunch of people for cheap. Right. It's impossible to make food for yourself for cheap. And that's the whole, that's the whole fucking point of the system, is that it rewards industrialization.

There's a whole point of America. You're not making your own wagon. And even the wagon maker is not making his own wagon wheels. It's all subbed out. Somebody's just there making fucking wagon wheels. all day. Somebody's there assembling wagon wheels onto a cart all day. Somebody's growing food and putting on a wagon they bought, taking it into market. Somebody at the market's buying all the food and making it for everybody and all those people are doing other jobs. The job specialization

is the whole fucking point of the system. Not making your own clothes, making your own burrito at home, living a life like a fucking Russian novelist while meeting absolutely no one and not experiencing life at all. Like, it's at a, at a fundamental level, the things they're, the things they're, the burrito denialism that these shitheads are, um, are promoting. It's just un-American. It's offensive to the, it's offensive to the entire capital system. And they don't, and they don't get it. Because all they want to do is now that they've turned, and now that they've turned 35, I guess, is to turn around and go, you know what, you kids, let me. You kids. I'm tell you something when I wasn't, you don't deserve a $20 burrito. You deserve a $40 burrito.

Well, I was going to say they tell you not to eat the $20 burrito, but the alternative is a $30 hamburger. It's like, well, like, what the fuck is? You should be ordering DoorDash every day. It's way more, it's way more efficient for one place to make all the food and then one guy to drive it and drop it off than it is for everybody to drive to one spot. This is like, this is simple fucking mad. Like you think, these people think liberals are so fucking stupid that they don't understand basic fucking math and cause and effect and economics? Try that one. You explain to me how 50 people driving, 50 people driving a store, buying all the shit in individual packages, going home and wasting an hour doing it themselves

is better than one guy doing it and sending around the wrong. It's the whole fucking point of the system is one guy doing it. So why is it breaking down? That's the question. Why is it not working. Why is it too expensive? That's the question. How can we help to make it easier? But it's just not. It's the, the political party is, you don't deserve it then, which is, which is additionally insane because the whole point of politics is, this is our group, our out group, or our in-group is we're going to take control. We're going to seize all the resource control against that out-group. So you've got to be real careful when you're drawing the in-group line. And the in-group line should probably include everybody who wants to

eat a burrito. Right. Everybody here likes to, they want to work and they want to pay for a burrito, right? That's a pretty good group. Everybody here wants to, one, work, and they want to, two, eat a burrito. Okay?

These fuckers don't want to work. They just want to eat burritos. That's a big problem. Well, you know what else is fucking retarded about all this boomer shit, too, is you ever flip through a vintage playboy? Yeah. It's like, get a Porsche, get a high-fi stuff.

when I'm doing it, but... Exactly! It's like, it's nothing but elegance and opulence being sold to you and it's like... Being sold as a consumer product.

You can have access to this now. Now I can't even have... I can't even have access to a fucking burrito? You're telling me? What happened? All the sound systems and the high-fine shit. And I know there's... These people are so full of shit

about how they grew up and how they paid their dues and shit. I know because I lived... I remember it. I don't like... I don't have a... Like, I don't have... I didn't learn from reading books of what

Do you know how boomers were fucking, we're spending money on anything they would get entire sound systems, formats, wipe them out the next year. Cassettes, A-track, CDs, laser-dicts, they'd go through it like it was fucking nothing. One after the other. Carphones, installing a car phone. Your car phone fucked up in your car. Buy a new car. It was unbelievable. Yeah.

But we can't have burritos. But you can't have a, we can't have a burrito. Can't have a new car. You can't even get a busted old car And Whitey's on the moon Whitey's on the moon Blow up rockets We'll build another rocket

Don't worry about it And Whitey's on the moon And white he's on the moon And white he's on the moon Fucking bullshit I just can't find workers For my handjob factory I'm gonna go on Fox News

I'm having a real problem Finding workers for my handjob My factory And what do you make Hand jobs for me I can't find workers Oh What an asshole too

Well I predicted You know up to as high as three and a half percent Get the fuck out of here I was like yeah bro If people don't want to fucking make your stuff Then maybe like you don't have the thing Yeah Like

Pretty simple Shut it down If no one's making it Then it just you don't need it Get it out of here Like Maybe you don't need to just make anything Maybe if nobody's making it

because you can't pay them enough, then it doesn't exist. That's how it works. It's fucking crazy, man. Everybody could be making statues of their dicks, but no one's doing it. Because nobody really wants it that badly. Right. And the people who do want it that badly are fucking menaces. I got a dick-making factory.

I can't find workers. Well, I guess the dick-making factory is shut down. Man, which way do you drive to come to my house? That way? Yeah. Some fucking menace has put up like a weird John Podesta.

I saw that. You saw that. What the fuck is that all about? I was going to ask, yeah. That shit is crazy. I don't know. It's fucking pissed me off, though. Yeah.

It's like what? It's like some sort of reliving childhood trauma painting. It's crazy. Some sicko has made. And they put it out on their lawn. Right. someone's

doesn't have to do something about that put up a Ross Perrault next to it Ross Perrault that's when it all fell apart when he dropped out man that was a big

that was a big loss there was so much consumerism happening in the 80s that they made they turned religion into like a

a product like that's when all these big churches like that's when religion became like a basically you know

well dude I just you know like if I'm at target or whatever you know you walk down the aisles do what you need and you always pass by like the clothing sections the toy sections whatever yeah you know what I've noticed in the toy sections you don't see any big

fucking insane intricate toys dude like the what's the fucking like the connect turtles thing uh the party van no the big like the layer yeah whatever the giant they all had a layer

Yeah, so they all had like fucking like a big layer. There was like a big vehicle that opened up into a million different things. It came with like 9,000 components. Yeah, it's like you look, you walk past and it's all like, here's all these like miniature things. What the fuck is that? Yeah.

Paw patrol. Mm. Nothing like that you could sit and just like, even just look at me like this is fuck. But you just walk by and you see like how everything. Nothing is what it used to be. I mean, quite obviously. But there's no cool, like, exciting things to look for.

It's just kind of like, yeah, I just want video games. I remember my first job that I got just to have money to waste, basically, was like, it was like $4.75 an hour, I think, minimum wage. But extra value meal was $3. Right. So, man, if that felt like infinity money. Dude. Work one day.

I got fucking value meals for everybody. pop, bop, bop, bop. Now buying food feels like being raped. Yeah. Every time. Dude, I used to be able to fill up my Saturn for 30 bucks. I fill up my Mazda 3 for 70 and go, what the fuck is that? Okay, let's see what else I got here.

A boomer has his sugar baby deported. That's all about. Oh, here's that weirdo that I said I found last week that comments on every, like, big tit only fans. So this is Hitomi Tanaka. Says, my family has been affected by the earthquake in Japan. Please keep your mouth shut, she's saying to somebody. Because she was, Hotomi Tanaka's, whatever, caught in the earthquake in Japan.

So this guy, J.K. Webster, he pops up and goes, live with me. I'm not going to let you float through life like a piece of crap and do nothing. I know you don't have a boyfriend. I know you're not married and I know you're not in a relationship, okay? So you need to get with me, okay? And he does this like all day. What the fuck? He's like, Japanese! Over there, there's a free surprise for you. Made about three years ago and over seven inches.

Wait, what? Three years ago? What does that mean? Okay. I don't know. I don't want to look at that. Man. The WNBA, every game should just be, it should be the coaches and the players

arguing about what a woman is. And they all put on their jerseys, and they come down to the court and there's a ref, you know. You could have a ball. You could give them a ball. Huge crossover. Get Rupal's Drag Race. as one team.

Yeah. Yeah, that'd be good. Whoever's on the current season, right? Just talking about men. That would be a better, that would be a better sport, I think. I'm excited. I'm excited to see what they come up with.

Make the WNBA debate over $20 burritos. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. People saying you don't deserve to, you've got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Like, man, it's a fucking burrito. Why is it $20? Just fix it. Fix it or we'll kill you.

Yeah. That's the like, do you not understand that it doesn't, it doesn't matter if I, if I deserve a burrito or not. It just matters if people are going to kill you if you don't give them one. That's called, that's politics, bro. Like, go ahead and go give history a look and see how it works out telling people they don't deserve a fucking burrito and see what happens. Have, have fun.

Go tell all the Mexicans they don't deserve burrito. Go tell all of them, yeah. See how they take it They're making burritos at home They're buying clothes at the thrift store Is that what you want me to live like Fucking Mexicans Is that what you're pitching me?

Because I'd rather kill you than live like that Mexicanism as a fucking religion You tell me I gotta live like the fucking Mexicans? I don't think so They live at the bottom of the hill Yeah No working in the sun wearing long-sleeve shirt

I don't know that's such a crazy fucking move I don't think so why they do that they're already tan they don't want to look black I think it's so I get I know I don't know actually asking me to write him a check saying the check didn't work

and then send a Zelle is that how you want me to live? Because I won't do it I know I know how Zell works I'll tell you Zell right away I'm not going to say write me a check I don't accept cash app You should be eating ramen And doing what

You should be eating a $20 ramen Not that cheap package bullshit Why is ramen $3 Should be fucking free All this shit should be free The burritos should be free Why is anybody paying for fucking burritos Why is anybody making less than

$500,000 pay any income tax at all? Why isn't everybody making $500,000 any of it? Now why, not how How can I not have a burrito? You start answering my questions, you fucking paraquot? Okay, N-words. Let me just play this Mom-Dami video.

It's pretty funny. He's got a bunch of different accents, I guess. Some woman figured it out. I don't like that she talks over it, but whatever. It's still funny. Socialism. This is Zoran Mamdani. He's running for mayor of New York and currently polling second.

Here's what he normally sounds like. We gather tonight in the wealthiest city, in the wealthiest country, in the history of the world. But in an interview in South Africa, he sounded a little different. I actually created a playlist for Mira, who also happens to be my mother. You know, nepotism and hard work goes a long way. And in an interview with a Turkish-American podcast, Mamdani sounded different again. I'll be honest with you, brother, Mansoom, is that at this point, not many people are thinking about it. Can you believe that shit?

Bro's code switching. I'll be honest with you, brother. I'll give you a good deal. He did the head tilt. You know, it would have been here earlier, but worldwide tour is a worldwide tour is a worldwide tour. You can't just, you can't just stop it. I do a deep dive into Zohan Moldani and his changing accents for the free prep.

That's cool. That's cool. All right. Oh yeah, the baby boomer that got his sugar baby deported. Guy's favorite whore deported. Can you believe they did this to him? That's so fucking funny. For Trump, I am saying that I voted for Trump.

I am saying that they are picking up law and biting citizens. They're destroying families, jobs. John Gannon is a 75-year-old businessman and lifelong Republican who's supported President Trump in 2024. I wouldn't do that again. Not after this fiasco. His fiance, 45-year-old Venezuelan immigrant, Yasmin Tarez Regis, was detained by ice at Bush-bush intercontinental airport in Houston in late July.

Eight ice agents swarmed jet. Yeah, what the fuck is his problem? He got out of, he got out of, that's the best possible option. She was just fattening up, too. You can see. She was just tortying up. He got out at the perfect time. He was saved by God.

Fucking classic boomer room. And detained her didn't tell us why and rustled her off into a car. When you saw that unfold, what wonder your mind? Well, I was just

in total disbelief. According to her immigration lawyer, Suarezreges came to the U.S. legally in 2023 and later applied for asylum. A case that is still ongoing. But her under Asylum. Insane asylum. God damn.

Okay, bitch. Lying permission to be in the U.S. has lapsed. Some people may say, God, and this is what nasty quotations... What the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? Like a character creator screen gone bad?

It's like aliasing. Did he just get out of prison? Before getting this TV journalism job? Spray on hair. You're going to cover up your tear tattoo. Why is that hairline so fucking sharp? Like that's crazy. It's a mega mind with a fade.

Right. Just an all-taper fade? They're not going after the hard guys. That's too difficult. It's easier to pick them up at the airport. You know, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Swaiters Regis was arrested as part of a recent crackdown by ICE at airports across the country. Ice is here.

Help us. Back in Texas, Gannon says he deeply misses his fiance. He will maintain tonight's custody facing deportation. Jasmine's good as gold. Love Jasmine? That's it. Childish Gambino's got to come out and fucking blast that guy right in the back of the head.

So, wait, this fool says he loves gold, basically. It was cold. Cold, Jerry. Man. But his kids did probably did it. Hey Ice, there's this Torto bitch trying to steal my inheritance. Get your ass in here.

She'll be on the flight to Caracas. No one ever watched a TV show. At least if you're going to go through the airport as someone who like shouldn't be going through all these like scanned like government document plays

at least get some sort of fake ID or some shit. Like what? If you're getting asylum, shouldn't you be a little bit more afraid to do stuff? Like not traveling. Yeah. Yeah, traveling around. Huh, I don't know.

I need asylum. You gotta get that guy a new bitch. Fly one in from South Africa. One of those white bitches they got there. I'm sure they got a fat white, a getting fat white bitch that he could hook up with. With a terrible accent. Yeah.

Oh. Who is this jackass? Is this what people doing the news are like now? This guy couldn't even host. a podcast with his head. Contact at the Department of Homeland Security about this case, but have yet to hear. What accent is that? Stroke victim?

He's a gay stroke victim. Stroking it victim? Yeah. Back, immigrants like Suarez would typically not have been targeted for deportation and arrests under prior administrations. But the Trump administration has taken the position that anyone whose immigration status is laughs is fair game for... Yeah, fair game. Get out of here.

Let's save these boomers from themselves. Yeah. Probably an Indian in a suit. Mm-hmm. It's like three Indians in a suit for that guy? No. Okay, what else do I got here? I got John Federman telling John Stewart what a genocide is.

That is pretty funny, actually. Let me play that. You know who John Federman is? Vagely. He's like a senator that's, like, retarded. Well, he didn't have to repeat you. or something. You remember John Stewart?

Unfortunately. Okay, John Stewart is Jewish. Let me just remind you to set up this clip. It's important. It'll come into play as it always does. Here we go. Why does Israel get to decide? Well, the defining question is,

does Israel engage in a genocide? In Palestine. Well, according to the people that define those things, yes. Okay, well, and I strongly discerning. with that by definition that wasn't a genocide the the jewish community who actually experienced a true true genocide for that now if israel's goal was to eliminate you know as many Palestinians as possible they've could have is Israel doing a genocide yeah okay well i disagree in fact the jewish people had a holocaust i don't know if you were aware of that john i'm going to start fucking hitting

people with the John Federman talking points, just bulldoze right over. That's fucking great. Okay, well, I disagree. That's great. You're talking to one of the most famous Jewish people on the planet. That's so... I love that. Okay, well, I disagree. In fact, the Jews

had a Holocaust happen to them. I don't know if they were aware of that, John. New bit unlocked. This is great. What an asshole. Oh, this is great. Comedian, too. Like, this is full funny, full funny fuse blown. Jewish community

actually experienced a true, true genocide. What? Yeah, I heard about that. You watched John Stewart age rapidly in this clip. Oh, did they? Oh, I didn't know that. That's interesting. For that now, a long time ago.

For that, they were not engaging in a genocide. Just because you're killing a group slowly doesn't mean you're not killing a group. Just because you could do it, That's enough of your Jewish tricks, John. No, try to lawyer your way. I'm not going to sit here and let you lawyer your way around this, John. All right?

No, no, no. That was the terrible cattle, the collateral, you know, of an urban war that forced Israel to fight behind because Hamas was holding their hostages and refused to disarm and send our people back home. I think they've killed like 1,200 Palestinians since the ceasefire. well yeah most of them were we're killing Hamas leadership

and I think that's necessary he just looks horrified he just looks fucking horrified what they killed like 1,200 people yeah well you know they were all bad

all of those guys were bad and he's like what have I done what have I done that is good okay Mm-hmm Sugar Baby

AI's hacking stuff Army sign-offs Oh man Flock blocker Oh the Bethesda layoffs You know anything about that The video game layoffs Man Trio Doug has had the funniest

Tweets about that shit Yeah Bethesda I don't know I don't know a lot about it I remember I remember when that company was like destroyed

because of the Cosby Suite stuff. Am I, do I have that history right? Oh, was that Blizzard? I think. Oh, shit, I get the wrong company then. It's okay. I don't know. It's also a big pile of shit.

Are they related at all? No, when does World of Warcraft, and others fall out and oblivion and all that shit? I remember, I remember the Cosby Sweet stuff and the donglegate, and then it seemed like video games just sucked after that.

Yeah. It's like everything was like woke and trans and black and women and just like stuff that I play video games to get away from. Right. You know. No offense. Oh, I was even going to add that part of then, yeah.

That everybody plays, that all men play to get away from. Right. And this is another company, and they're all getting fired. All the, I just saw a bunch of, I just saw a bunch of people I don't want to have a conversation with protesting. Well, I think it's great. At least on the surface, I haven't dug too much into it, but based on the, the hilarity of trio Doug's tweets. It sounds like this lady stepped in

fucking said, all you useless fucks get out of here, we're bringing obsidian back in to make remakes of shit and make the next game good. We'll see. What did Bethesda make? Union members are protesting everything laid off. We make great games.

Yeah, I mean, I doubt it. Only Rockstar could say that. Morale is really low. Because, you know, we've been told that we're making great games that players love and that we're doing well, and to have this suddenly hit us, has been a huge shock to us. It sucks.

We make all kinds of games, all kinds of people. Yeah, well, I see why there was... Okay, next. And I see why all these games turn into the dog shit. Pass. Oh, check please. It would be really nice if we could just get back to work and make black Panther fucking, yeah.

Probably fat women they got work. Liz is the fattest one ever. Game studios didn't look like this. When you bought it like Doom, Doom 2, open that shit up, see the people, making it. Ooh, I used to buy games

from people who were doing acid and fucking smoking weed all day and like not sleeping for a month and just living off like pizza and brew.

Yeah. And they still didn't look like this somehow. Right. All those dead beats. This is like... They made a lot of

shitty games that way but they cranked out a few good ones in the process. They had just been eating all the pizza drinking none of the brew. Yeah.

Make them games that will define a generation of video gaming. I worked at Xenamax. No thank you. Yeah, goodbye. ass no and what are you making it i hate my dad uh 64

i hate my dad too 642 turbo championship it is you go around collecting uh therapy bills god a gta re-skin that's like what is this dennis the menace hat that you're wearing bitch well what is yeah who the fuck wears a backwards hat what mac what type of maxing are you doing here fucking greenman maxing maxing yeah retard maxing yeah retard maxing yeah retard maxing yeah Nice fucking hat. For about five years, we are having a... People over profits. No devs, no games.

I kind of don't think so, though. Like, anybody could program now. Yeah, we'll be good enough people. You're not good people, so get out. Arch in a rally to demand dignity and respect and an end to the cycle of layoffs. If you have to demand dignity, that ain't yours. Yeah, I don't get it.

people oh is this one of the one of the devs is a giant hammer and sickle tattoo that's cool hammer and sickle cell hmm yeah it looks like uh cool video games yes it seems like everyone who's complaining about it is one of them and everyone who's hyped on it is guys like trio dog who just won a good game normal guys yeah yeah yeah normal guys used to just totally unquestionably own that space yeah and then it got ruined it's so trash Um Okay I got something from Lord Miles

Oh yeah Did this Muslim guy win Win his prime Oh he ran a primary Oh okay You know you remember Lord Miles right Yeah I'm surprised he's still alive Holy shit

Me too You know he's actually I gotta have him I gotta ask if he'll call in again He's the direct reason why I had a kid Whoa. Because... He's really causing chaos.

Yeah. Because we were talking about having a kid. Like, let's have a kid. Like, oh, man. You got to decide, right? And then it's like, from then on, that's it. You know?

Your life's over. In a way, it's like going to the suicide pod. Whatever life you had once you decide to have a kid is over. You enter the real time. time machine. Yeah. So you basically put,

you sit and watch the world go by for 18 years. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That fast forward button that you had, your whole life is gone. And then when you're finally free,

you're 18 years behind and go, what the fuck is all this shit now? You're never really free. In fact, I'm going to call my dad and bother him after this show. I'm surprised he's not calling you now and bothering you.

Um, so, we were talking about having a kid and we're like yeah let's do it but when right we're engaged but some engagements you know can last a long time so then lord miles uh hit me up and say hey you want to go to afghanistan i'm putting together a group that's going to go party with the taliban and stuff and i'm like man i would really love to do that uh but it's extremely dangerous so i think i got to either do one or the other. So I can't, if I, having a kid, I gotta have it.

And if I'm not, I'm going to Afghanistan, shooting machine guns with the Taliban. Yeah. Who my love, obviously. Machine guns, cool guys. Enemy of my enemy. So that was it. I'm like, I can't. I got to make, I got to make a decision.

So it's really him, you know? That's wild. Yeah. And I saw him going to Afghanistan. You're like, ah, that looks cool. Because you go to Afghanistan. It looks like fun, but maybe you get killed. Maybe you get imprisoned.

Like, I can't leave my wife with a baby. Who knows what he'll pick up, you know? She's really nice. I can't have him learning that kind of shit. Anyway, let me find his thing. There was this kid who got his life ruined because he said he didn't want to work for a Jew. He didn't want to intern for a Jewish guy.

Lord Miles here. is you hear about that one? No. He said, somebody hit him up, like he kept hitting him up about working as an intern for a company.

He's a college kid. And he finally got sick of it. He was like, I don't want to work for a Jewish guy. And so then that Jewish guy like, you know, contacted the head of Palantir

and they literally, and then they contacted every news media organization and they got the word out and they went to his parents' house and they're like, do you disavow your son? And they're like,

yeah, of course. Because they have jobs too. Yeah. You have to say it. You have to say what they want or they'll put you in a camp, you know. Austin Franco, so they wrote, the Cornell Daily Sun wrote about him. Austin Franco, a student who responded to a job offer with not interested in working for a Jew thanks on a handshake, appeared in a Pears Morgan uncensored episode.

Oh, yeah, because Lord Miles made a fundraiser for him. Oh. Okay, so then they reached out to Lord Miles for a quote. He said, the person who created the fundraiser of Miles Rutledge is a fellow Catholic friend who saw his plight and decided to help a fellow Christian out. The fundraiser description reads.

In a statement to the son, Rutledge confirmed that he created the fundraiser, explaining that he did it because Jews are the synagogue of Satan and I support my race. Okay. Rutledge also provided further comments about his fundraising in his statement. I donate hundreds of thousands yearly to white nationalists

organizations, Hail Hitler and such. Just hand waving him away. Like, that's so good. Wow, good job, Lord Miles. Indians are the worst thing he's ever smelled. This guy's awesome.

All right, let me read the comments. Hail Hitler. The end such just makes it like total like, yeah, my fucking face. Okay. Oh, we have advice too.

Great. Gentleman sausage says, I don't know. I don't know if he says, don't get lotion on the stitches, then probably just means don't get lotion on the stitches. Dry jacking is still on the table. That's wonderful advice, thanks. Jack off with no lotion.

Cool. It's always a good reminder. Sometimes you're going to feel something. Because you could forget. Hey, by the way, you could jack off without any lotion. Yeah. With nothing. You could also eat old mills.

Military rations is your main source of food, too. A $20 burrito. Right there. $2 self-hand shop at home, dude. You're not supposed to have to say no to stuff. That's the whole point of America. That's the whole point. You're supposed to say, supersize that.

Give me two burritos, actually. Give me a high-fi house. Put some high-fi in this shit. What else can the burrito do? Would you have a more expensive model? Fuck the burrito. What are people texting me? Oh, Riley sent something.

Oh, no, he took his first steps. God damn it. Oh, no, fuck. That's what all that carrying on was about. Fuck, my wife's going to work concert for her birthday next week. I was really hoping Donnie would take his first steps then so I could... You're going to hear about that for the rest of your fucking life, dude. you fuck

it doesn't mean anything to me though but it doesn't well and it's the point that she's gonna use it's I really wanted it to be then though because then she would miss it well right because then it'd be a point for you to hold over her head

it's not the thing it's the point Cade says I know the Santa Cruz guy at one hour and 30 minutes he's fucking nuts and he's been trying to be YouTube famous for 15 years and used to dress as the Joker every day well he's famous now he's the joker baby

Yeah, that would have been awesome if he was dressed as a joker pulling out a fucking long pistol shooting at that... Yeah. That shooter? Wild. Gansy says, Johnny, I'm an audio listener and I still enjoy the brain rot. Keep it up. Joe Nitrate says that was a script that the drill sergeant, the senior drill instructor says at the beginning of the training cycle. It has been for a long time. Same exact script I heard in 2004.

It's a result of mothers of America nagging the Marine Corps. core after some soft recruits complained to their single moms. Yeah, I didn't even pay attention to the content of that drill instructor's screaming, because the screaming was so comical. But she was saying shit like

about acceptance and bullying and stuff and feeling bad. How dumb. Yeah, well, in major pain, he buried them up to their necks in mud and was watering them. That movie was fucking awesome. Movies were 475. value meals three bucks

dude like I said before I finally understand when boomers were like or like my grandparents were like oh you know I remember when hot dogs were a nickel movies are 25 cents like oh shit like you think it's so stupid because you're like okay well inflation and what now you look at it now and you're like wait a sec why the fuck is the movies like a hundred bucks

yeah it should be going down yeah why is this property should be it directly so fucking expensive yeah should beam it directly into my fucking skull at this point. Maybe maybe these movies deserve less protection

than my wages. You ready for the arc light to open back up and be like a thousand bucks ahead?

Oh man, I'm never going to that shit. Fucking here comes all that traffic again. God damn it. Gwembley says

Is anyone complaining about Johnny's brain ratchet should be shot into the sun? Double teaming Sissies

is Johnny. Wow. With Johnny. Seabon. says that drill instructor bitch sounds like she's giving a spiel at a laser tag facility yeah those nerfed art weirdos

stubbs says a new funeral practice for grave digger to review let's see you. Also thank you guys for the sweet comments eh white people home big fat black woman dumping

it looks like it looks like water maybe it's champagne champagne over a pink Yeah, I don't think Water exists in that community. That is a fat bitch, man. Yeah.

What kind of pink is that? It's like Elvis suit pink. Yeah. It's outside too, man. With a... The fucking pop-up canopy is... Pop-up canopy. icing on the cake.

Shrieking. Shrieking at a funeral. Okay. I want my casket to open up and blow out all my remains like the fucking blowing up a whale Hmm jays as you you really got fucked up for your vasectomy going under stitches what the fuck They do them awake here one volume cold air and I'm opening big enough for a needlehead literally a single stitch okay well I guess your vasectomy is better than mine I don't well a fucking bragger over here god What an asshole

That's a nice car yeah you should have got This is how much I got my. Okay, all right. If his ended up being cheaper, too, then that guy needs to... They said they had to make two because my balls are so big. Usually we do one for gay guys. We do one for if your balls are smaller if you're gay. But you're going to need the normal two great gazoo inserts.

My balls are so big, they did it from the waiting room. They gave me a little... They gave me a little... When I went home from the vasectomy, they gave me a little... like a piece of cardstock with a monkey with perforated edges that I pop out and it's got two little tabs and I bend in and stick in the stitch holes

on my balls. I thought it was going to be like a like a you punch out two little holes and stick your balls through and then it's like a different character each time like one of those standees like a county fair. Yeah it's the guy from up that old man and the stitches are like his hair.

Your vasectomy sounds busted Is that what you're telling me? You ever sex to me sucks. Always fucking somebody, man. You can't just ever have anything in this fucking world. They told me specifically that yours is that that other kind with one one stitch not going under is for small balls and gay guys. And small ball gay guys. So I guess it wasn't an option for me.

They actually had to use a piece of paracord for mine. yeah ship rope uh uh gravejigger says joining on the pit bull discourse i personally have seen the remains of those killed by dogs in my entire tenure of corpse work having seen a hundred thousand bodies every single dog death was from a pit bull all of them

do with that information what you will wow oh yeah i fear not the man who has seen one body but the man who has seen 100,000 yeah who's seen a 100,000 bodies one time, right? However we go. He's got a call back in. He does, dude. He's got some fucking insane ones.

Here's the advice. Useless. Do I have a stinger for advice? I forget. I don't know. I don't think so. I should have done that 10 years ago. Yeah.

Let me clear this out. Did you watch that, did anybody watch the new biggest problem? No, I was it at work? Was it good? I heard only bad stuff. Well, if our Patreon went up, I mean... Uh, thank you all new listeners.

Hi, Dick and Johnny. I'm writing in for advice. I've listened to Dick Show since I heard about it from Monkey Jones. Way back when he was still on YouTube. Man, I miss Monkey Jones. That was a bad way he went out. Yeah. Bad way.

I'm 30 years old and I have never been in a meaningful relationship before. None of them are meaningful. Yeah, I mean... Just a spoiler alert. Yeah, save yourself the hassle. I mean, look, people get cancer and die, and you got to replace them. So then what's the point of anything, really? I work for a job I hate where I go in at 2 a.m. and I am treated like shit.

What? Who has the energy to be treating people like shit at 2 in the morning? A bunch of old CNC machinists telling you you're fucking late. Better get to the bottom of this one. The job I have is the best I could get. And I only got it due to applying during the COVID lockdowns when they were desperate to hire literally anyone. Well, if you don't say what it is, I wouldn't assume it's the blowjob factory. He's at the handjob factory.

We don't have enough employees. Hire this guy. Let's shut down then. Ran out of employees, too. Yeah. Okay. Close your business then. Ah!

But then what will I do? I don't know. Get fucked. and die. Go to Mexico. That's what you can do. Go live with them. Yeah, live in the street.

Aw. But what about my business? Fuck your business. Fuck your business then. I don't have enough employees. Take your business and stick it up your ass. Shove it up your ass. Kill yourself.

How about that? I just need some employees. Me too. We all need some employees. Yeah, we all need some employees. There's just not enough workers. I have two employees, and that's not enough. They say that shit with a straight face on TV.

I don't have enough... You know what I hear from business owners is they don't have enough workers. Yeah, I mean, do the workers have enough workers? Probably not. No. I always, everyone needs some more workers. Well, think about it.

It's like, when you're working, then it's like, well, I don't have time to clean my house. You get a housekeeper. I don't have time to do this. We don't take... We don't drive our fucking trash all the way to the dump, right? There's a reason we have... have certain conveniences.

Stop using DoorDash. Okay, I'm going to drive my trash to the dump too. Is that? Door trash. Door garbage. Yeah, there's a new service called Door Garbage. Where they come to your house and take your fucking... It's just so fucking stupid.

I hate it all, man. Like pizzas, pizzas and Chinese were the only people that could figure out how to... I hate ordering DoorDash, just because the food always sucks and it's cold. And it's really expensive. It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be. But still, yeah, door garbage. Door garbage.

That's my name of company. Door garbages? Fucking cock suckers. I know you normally preach about fitness. Yes. Being a good way to improve mental health. And I mostly agree with you. You know, within reason.

Within reason, right, because then you can get obsessed with working out, which is bad. But you have to use that as a jumping off point to recognize. that you need to be actively doing something in your life that's bettering yourself. That's the core tenet of the fitness part. You just can't feel good if you're a fucking slob. You gotta be doing something. Got to be something.

I've been lifting since I was about 20. So 10 years. And I have noticed a bit of confidence and actual pride in how I look from the neck down at least. What? You got to rock... Talking about waist down.

That's what I'm talking about. Go to old school. Rock the fucking page. paper bag over you have a two eye holes in it, dog. We're a chicken bucket on your head, bucket head. Worked for bucket head, man. My schedule is chaotic, but I make sure to still lift between four to six days a week

depending on how beat up I am. Wow. Get this guy some hemo rage. Six days a week? That's too much. You gotta go like three, four times tops. Do three days a week. If you really want to work out, you got to do workouts that, like, chicks are doing. Like run, club. and, you know, some sort of activities.

Not really working out, but outdoor activities. Bro, get a shirt that says, like, fucking whatever athletic club and like an all Helvetica font with a slight curve to it. Yeah. And bitches will be like, oh, a run club, huh? Like... I live in a small town and I can't leave.

I live close to my grandparents and are very close to them. More so than my actual parents. All right. I'm one of the few grandchildren of theirs that live close by actually have a job and haven't been to or are currently in prison Wow, okay

So I'd rather not leave them since they were like You don't have to fucking explain to me They don't want to leave your family You don't have to explain that to anyone Yeah, like my Look at this gay at loves his grandparents Real grandmama's boy Ha ha this guy cares about his family

In a world where like they're trying to destroy families I've tried dating apps for years And I haven't gotten a single date with anyone Yeah, they're just I mean if you're gonna try them lie Like say you're 6-3 You're very wealthy It's all bots or fat bitches bro

Yeah Get off the apps It really doesn't It really just doesn't matter What you say on those apps at all Yeah It's just Indians Scamming people

And fat whores Right Looking for meal tickets Fat Indian scammer whores Mm-hmm I also don't have social media which makes it hard to meet people bro if you're spending six days at the gym

you're not gonna fucking meet anybody yeah okay too much that's like that's your life yeah see and that goes back to the first point of like you gotta it's a good intro to like developing some sort of routine

taking care of yourself and understanding that you must take care of yourself yeah that's the core of it this going six days a week, that's not taking care of yourself. Unless you're training to be like an Olympic fucking athlete. Wait, lift, yeah.

Yeah. The best I've done recently was matched with a girl on OKCupid. Fuck, that site's still around? Jesus. Who was really into fitness and briefly talked to me on and off for a few days. And she asked if I had an Instagram. I told her I don't have social media and she promptly unmatched block me, probably thinking I was a bot.

She was a fucking bot, dude. That's, yeah. She's just harvesting simps. What you should have said is how about Fitness dick in your ass? Fitness dig in your ass. Right. That's the fucking...

That's what you got to do. A complete loser. If she wasn't real and I was talking to a bot, that's the one. Yes. Even worse, you're talking to a whore. She's just fucking harvesting simps, man. That's what they do. They wake up, these whores, wake up, they put on their work gloves

and they started harvesting simps. Do, do, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, fire up the John Deer Combine. Yeah, with a giant scythe. Oh Some say a whore is made out mud This horse is made out of muscle and blood Oh I thought you were gonna also say mud

Mud Muscle and blood And super chats and hoars Muscle and drawing mud I tell you recently someone asked how my Paintings were going Paintings? Yeah they said don't you do dirt paintings?

And I said, no, I was drawing mud. What does that mean? Pooping? Yeah. Regardless, whatever it was, that was the most positive relationship I had with a woman on a dating app after you used to trying. Oh, good luck! No! This man has been possessed by a demon.

The demon of want and lust. I'm going to hit this guy with a boomerism that fucking will either drive you to suicide or make you a better person. Okay. Wherever you go, there you. You are. My dad fucking loves that stupid saying. Dude, I hate that shit so much, but this guy needs to hear it so he can go, that's the fucking dumbest shit I've heard and change his ways.

Man, this is a problem with women is you want to be with one so badly that by the time you're with one, then you've got to start turning around all your momentum, you know? And it will take you a long time to turn that momentum around and realize that you don't fucking, and then you're like, I don't want to fucking be around this anymore. you got to approach it like a squirrel, you know? Yeah. It doesn't want to get trapped. You got to get a nut.

You got to just get the nut. That's what I'm saying. Thanks, Johnny. I got you. It's all just women problem. I want a woman. I want to, the handjob factory doesn't have enough employees. This guy's fucking handjob business can't get enough workers.

This guy thinks he's fucking Rockefeller over here. I'm average height. I have a muscular athletic build. You better. I hope. After 10 years of work. 20 years of living at the gym. Jesus fucking Christ, dude.

Bro, just get a job at the gym. Then you'll fucking be forced to me, bitches. Um, okay, yeah, I have good advice for you. I honestly don't know what else I can possibly do to change my situation. I'm not exactly planning on going to Greenland, but more likely to fuck up my life in another way.

Realistically, probably by getting into a pointless fight when I'm having another shitty day and taking out my aggression on whichever dumb ass provides an opportunity. Whoa, you gotta... This guy needs to win your max. He needs to fucking... You need a slump buster, man.

You shouldn't be thinking about getting your fights. Yeah. I mean, trust me, that's very with Gartan of you and I do appreciate that. Go to church. Take your precious grandparents and go to fucking church. That's what it's for. That's what it's for. All of this like,

apps and stuff just scrambles women's brains and cranks out a bunch of fucking whores. Go to church where the whole point is, man, uh, maybe I'll just like find some girl and, you know, fucker.

And that's enough. Maybe that's enough. That's church. Just don't fuck a fat one. It's great because you get to see their parents. Like, oh, who's the skinny moms here? Bingo,

right there. Otherwise, they're all the fucking same. Well, and if you're at church with your grandparents, oh, what a sweet guy. What a sweet guy.

This guy's an angel. He loves it. his grandparents. You don't want a woman with a bunch of surprises. Like, yeah. You don't need any mystery

unless you're homosexual, you know, and you're looking for like a James surprise, surprise. Yeah. Otherwise, it's,

you want right down the middle. Saying what she's thinking. Not, not like, I'm on a woman who's like on a crusade do anything. Yeah.

Having strong opinions about retarded shit. Yeah. That doesn't exist. Things that exist, great. Strong opinions about that. Something that don't exist?

No. Yeah. Don't want that. But don't think too much about how you're not getting bitches. Because that is going to turn you into a guy who never gets bitches. I know your opinion of the military is, oh, wow, isn't high. But I honestly wish I would have joined. Well, is there still time?

I think it's like 42 now. You can join. Jeez. Probably be 50 soon. I honestly wish I would have joined. I looked back and realize if I would have went into the service like I wanted to when I was a teenager I could have been halfway to retirement by now got to travel possibly even met someone where I was stationed oh yeah you think you get a yeah just fuck the military base don't worry about

you know don't don't let her get in the way of that crazy because like here's the thing is like you would have gone to the military fucking got one of your legs blown off and then come back home and been in the same exact with no fucking leg. Yeah, well, you didn't. So, I mean, that's how it works. You didn't do that. You don't want to have to deal with the VA.

Don't worry about it. There's a lot of shit I could have done, too. Don't worry about it. You can always have done something else. Fucking idiot. Someday there will be something even bigger that you didn't do. What an asshole.

And you won't even remember not joining the military. You know, I almost threw the plane on 9-11. I hate both of my parents for discouraging me from joining the military and then telling me to get a stupid bullshit degree and telling me I could get any job I wanted with it. Wait, what's the degree in though?

Cocksucking. He works at the blowjob factory. I walked right into that one. He works at the, he got a degree in hand jobs, but he works at the blowjob factory. So wait, you're telling me this is the equivalent of a guy ordering piss at the poop show? I often fight with them. Don't fight with your parents. Why would you fight with your parents?

They're going to be dead before you know it. Yeah. Even if you hate them. Again, very wigger-max of you, but like... I often fight with them. And when we talk, they often borrow money from my account without telling me. What? Yeah, change that shit.

A man who doesn't have his own bank account. This is... I understand where the stress and pressure is coming from in his world. Ah. You know, I've never ever in my life heard of his... heard of an instance where someone sharing their bank account with someone else benefited them. Never. I've only heard any time I hear bank account shared because someone got fucked over.

It's the Ponzi scheme. Two-man Ponzi scheme and you're playing chicken the entire time. Uh-huh. You get your own bank account. In the military, they would have taught you this. Get your own fucking bank account. They're not giving... giving my precious tax dollars to your parents.

Yeah. They do pay me back eventually? No. With interest? That's paying back. If they both drop dead tomorrow, I think, why do you, why do people you hate have access to your bank account? You give them email access to?

You've got to be setting boundaries, man. Yeah. You can't be, they can't, their minds, their, their, their parent minds can't move on to the next world if you, or if you're signaling that you're not able to control your own bank account by sharing it with them. Yeah. Just the way it is. They see you primarily as a utility.

Yeah. You're asking for this. If they both drop dead tomorrow, I think my first emotion would be relief rather than grief. Assuming they didn't somehow stick me with the funeral bill or other debt from the... Yes, you will be stuck with that hat. Who else is going to fucking pay it? I'm at the end of my rope and leaving a lot of other bullshit out because email is long enough. I remember the last time I was happy.

I can't remember the last time I was happy and have no real goals or anything similar to look forward to. You got to give yourself some goals and shit to look forward to, man. I have a bit of money saved for now, at least when I was thinking of trying to plan a trip to a festival

or something similar. I know you mentioned you used to enjoy Burning Man, but I'm really far removed from events like that. Well, don't go. Yeah. Do something you like doing. Because if you do shit other, people like you're not going to like it and then you're going to be like gee i was right it's still you

yeah there there you go and there you is i don't drink much and i haven't messed with other drugs at all don't yeah you're not the guy for that if you don't have your own fucking bank account don't start getting don't start fucking with your brain yeah don't keep it you've seen what happens everybody else i'm the only one that was able to do this that should be a lesson right Not everybody needs to do drugs Just most people should Most people don't Is there any festival convention or event

You'd actually recommend for a socially awkward gym rat With no friends to go to alone And possibly meet someone Yeah church bud Or fitness con Yeah but it's gonna be a bunch of fucking guys This guy's like Hard up for chicks

You don't want to be like I mean if you if you keep doing guy shit You're just gonna end up looking like those like Yeah that's true Islamic rape gangs that go to clubs and dance by themselves and act like they're having fun with other guys. That's what Vegas is now. 90% you know, rape gang.

Hanging out dancing with each other, pretending like they're having fun. It's not fun. Yeah. Supposed to go there to meet girls. But they all stayed home because they don't want to get raped. So too fat to go outside? Too fat to go outside.

Go to FatCon. Go to FatCon. I'm even wearing the shirt about it. Or is that just another fantasy people tell themselves Before spending a weekend standing by themselves Pretending to check their phone, yeah, that. Yes. You need friends, dude.

Not gym friends. I have no friends. There you go. Then there's almost no one in my work Or that I see on a daily basis that's even close to my age. Like I said, I'm 30. And I think I'm the youngest one of my job, or at least on my shift at the blowjob factory.

I have no one to rely on or talk about this with. Thanks and go fuck yourself. You need... You gotta get a friend who has a girlfriend or you gotta find a fat bitch to be friends with.

This guy needs to go blow off some steam and Solvang, dude. You need to go do shit you hate. Not shit you like. Yeah. Genuinely, go to Solvang. Yeah. Blow off some steam. Find the last thing you want to do. Not things you kind of want to do

to do drugs. Force yourself there and you're either going to enjoy it and go, okay, I can get into the spirit of this. You're not going to enjoy it. No, or the more important thing you're going to go, this fucking sucks. I want to go do this instead,

and then you will go do something better instead. Do the last thing you want to do. But the journey of a thousand... Go to church. It's the fucking worst place in the world. Yeah. Give it a shot. Do it once.

Twice. You have to believe in any of that retarded shit. They don't. Yeah, they don't. It's going there to socialize. Stay away from. from bums. Stay away from bums and see if you can get good a slide at hand or get good at slide of hand

and then see if you can start palming cash out of the fucking offering bag. Learn magic. Yeah. Pull someone's check that they just put in the bag out of here. God, what a nightmare going and pretending to check your phone, standing around. I don't know. What do people even do? Chung a shit.

It's just all chunga shit. It's just all chunga. On the chung of shit near you. Just like. Did he say he was in a small, town? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, go somewhere that's not your small town. Well, you got to stay by your grandparents. Look,

man, I think your grandparents would be very proud of you if you made a decision for yourself once in your fucking life. No.

No. Or, you can't leave them. Okay, well, then the best advice I truly think is take,

take them to church. Because if anything, your grandparents will do all the socializing for you. Oh, you got to meet my parents. They love it.

Oh, they will brag about you and all that. If you're tight with them, they'll trust me. That's actually good shit. Go on a trip, I don't know about that.

Where are you going to go? Nowhere. You should go down the Boston copslide, man. Knock a few screws loose. See what that does for you. Be like Elliot Roger. Just go sit at a coffee shop. I'll wait for women to talk to you.

Yeah, all right. Let's do voicemails. Let's do some voicemails. And then what time is it? I don't think we have time for your thing. That's okay. They were particularly horrid today, too. Riley sent me one too, but I think I'll save that too.

You've got to do like the Chinese government, and they just pair people up. Come on, show up. I read in Japan, they do this thing where women will go just show up. They get a free meal And a guy has to pay for it But he can like say no Next one

Next one Like it's like a whorehouse with no sex Hmm It's a whorehouse Yeah Pretty good idea Go to Hong Kong And do you want to get some Chinese food

Hi Dick Hi Johnny Anyway I hope Republicans are ready to lose The midterms after this burrito gate thing Blue no matter who All right. Go fuck yourself, Dick. Smooch you for God.

Fucking, fucking burrito gate. War on burritos. It's the same guy. Yeah. Hey, Dick. It's Sean and Raleigh, North Carolina. I just wanted to reach out to you regarding my girlfriend. She had some family coming to town to stay with us,

and I wanted to, you know, cook something nice for them. And so she, I told her I want, like, four or five rib-eyes from our local butcher's market. and, you know, she offers to go while I'm at work to, you know, save time. And she came back with, like, two pounds of chicken. Yeah, perfect. You nailed it, money. What do I do? Send her back.

Yeah. Send her to this guy. Mm-hmm. You nailed it. Babe, yeah. And this is going to feed how many people? My wife got a rotisserie chick. I picked one up at the store.

She came back. She's like, I got this for us for lunch. Yeah, like, where's yours? And I went to have lunch, and I ate the whole thing. And she's like, did you eat the whole thing? And I knew she was asking because... Did you stick your stomach out so you couldn't believe you ate the whole thing? I knew she was asking because she thought she was going to eat it too.

And I just pretended that I didn't... I said, yeah, I ate it. She goes, oh, that was supposed to be for me, too. I said, oh, I didn't know. But I was thinking in my head, why the... Why would you buy one? One chicken? You got to get two so you can wear them like boxing gloves and take a little bites off of them.

What are you trying to save money? You do DoorDash donuts? And you're trying to save money on a fucking $5 rotisserie chicken? Okay, well, let's learn this lesson the hard way. Go to the store. This guy's got to go to like the grocery store. That's where women are. Stand outside of the bell.

Ding ding. Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. It's rich. Been a minute since I called. Hey, the last time I called was over the Maddox effigy. Oh, yeah.

Clear it up on the airwaves that I made that. Anyways, I have a new rage. I started a part-time job while I go to school at a, you know, just a retail store. You know what makes me a rage weird compliments? A lady just tells me, and I know she's just being nice, but she tells me, oh, you must have a singing voice. I'm like, why? Because you have a deep voice,

and I'm like, what the fuck does that have to do with having a singing voice? Did you have a stroke, ma'am? There's nothing to do with that. And obviously, I can't be rude, and I'm not going to be rude. She's just being nice anyways, also I'm working. But why, what does that mean?

I have a deep voice, therefore I must have a good thing. You got to hit her with that. Oh, you know? Yeah. Go fuck yourself She wants to hear his She wants a little song Good job Johnny

Nickelodeon We used to do that When we'd be out of front Smoking at the studio Yeah Like crack heads And like bones Would be walking by

And like hack up a lung And we're like Oh good singing voice Audio engineers You're such assholes Oh yeah Yo dick I can't stand these fat bitches

Yeah They're fat They're disgusting They're pussy smell I wouldn't know about that Yeah what Whoa Oh, TMI.

Whoa. TMI. This guy was in the fucking blast zone. When I'm like, I don't know, down bad and find myself like, you know, trying to go for some cheap pussy with a fat bitch. Oh, no. I'm going to hold my breath, dude. And I can't even like, dude. I threw up in a bitch's pussy one time, dude, because it's not so bad.

It's so fat, dude. I think it's a problem. Bro, you were eating your barf out of some fat bitches pussy? that is crazy than any brain around segment I could have brought in. Thank you for that. Did you tell her? Well, see, the thing was is

he didn't realize that was puke. He just figured it was what she ate for lunch that day. Oh, God. Yeah, a few topics, I guess. People who use a speakerphone in public the backwoods always having

at least two that are in the blunt package. That's a thing. I hate that. What's that? Black people. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Whoa. Survey says.

What's the blunt package? What's the backwards? Well, because you'll get like a thing of backwards. What's that? Like, just like pre-rolled cigar. The more natural kind of styled ones, but they're laced with like fucking flavoring and shit. Got it. But you always get two fucking dry-ass ones that keep raising the price on them.

It's like, well, then what the fuck? Just give me four good ones. And charge me for four of them. Don't get the fucking bullshit. Yeah. Dried sticks in there. Fucking retarded. Well, I got one for you.

There's a scy-op where it's like, you need to be clean shaving in the military to wear a gas mask. And so that's why they're using the shave stuff. You get rid of black people from the military because then black people shave to get this weird infection on their chair. so black dudes can't shave book is the game where a gas mask right you can't be in the military

so level of like it's a whole like schizabre and the narrative thing is he expects trying to get black people out in military oh this is a real thing that's happening shaving black people can't shave

those who don't who can't shave Gillette executives are punching the air right now is that true I've seen a a lot of black people's shaved heads. Right. Devo? Was he like a genetic anomaly?

I don't think so. I'm going to have to get back to him on this one. Yeah, I'm going to have to do some research. Somebody once said that black people can't swim because their bones are dense and I said that's bullshit, but it's turned out it's true. So maybe this is true as well. I don't know. Hey, Jake, it's me, Lorenzo Areola.

You know, with all this stuff about the, the blacks the black men being in the w nba yeah uh do you think a dog should be able to play basketball yeah obviously do you think they're we're airboat you know of course in the wmbbya sure pit bulls because they're the angry ones but do you think all dogs should be allowed to play in the wnbate too canines but yeah uh thanks stay safe it couldn't hurt could help get some pit bulls in there uh why don't we just finally make dog fighting a sport. It's happening all around anyway. They legalized weed because it was, Giddens were too good and some Uncle Sam needed his cut, right? Our Muslim's going to be

as into football as white people as they take over? I don't know. Can't call it the pigskin anymore, dude. Yeah, what's going to happen to the Super Bowl during the Muslim takeover? Got to shut the gridiron off, man. Are they going to have to pray? Is it a gonna be prayer mats and shit before the game or yeah got fucking aladdin comes in a flying carpet praying to mecca can't wait and medina who's medina well mecca and medina were like the two historical sides who's medina i don't fucking know wait is that a real that's a real site it's a real site yeah oh that's what the women in islam pray towards i guess so yeah i just Bang, Zoom, straight to Medina.

Medina's day off. All right. Goodbye. Have fun.