The Dick Show - Episode 520 - Dick on Male to Fester

Episode Date: August 16, 2026

Being fat with dinosaurs, AOC freezes her eggs, a Mexican woman sits on a car and disfigures it, 911 AI trials, China eliminates divorce, the female OJ, the WNBA has a meeting, Gen Z is sports gambling for retirement, doctors working for free, and some complaints about voicemail; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

yeah you better fucking hit start on this as fast as possible start the stream go all the Saturdays coming out is it going come on flip over flip over flip over to the stream come on

There it is. All right, you tell me if it's making sound. Making sound. It's making sound. All right, all right. Now he gots to go to Vimeo and make sure it's running over here. Because it never is or it always is, except for the one time I don't check. Right.

Right, right, right. True, true. True, true. True, true. Your star. Come on, I see it there. Did I tell you I auditioned for that, that sketch? That sketch?

You did? Yeah. I did. I'm repeating myself. You told it to me. I don't know if you told everyone else. I auditioned for the egg sketch for that show that we're talking about. You're rock star.

It says it hasn't started yet. I really tried at that audition. I didn't get it. I don't know why I tried so hard. Thinking perhaps that would have some influence over what happened or not. But that's really. that's really what's protected me, I think, in life that I learned very early on that effort is not what distinguishes a success from a failure.

That's correct. It's putting a product out. So just don't feel too bad. Do whatever. It's probably not going to work anyway. You still have to do it. You just don't have to try so hard. You don't have to stress about trying so hard.

That's what I That's what's Differentiating me Where the fuck is the episode on Vimeo? It's not working Okay, whatever Fine, fuck Vimeo I forgot what we were you laughing about

Before the show started The career sink Oh Baby basically sitting on a dunk tank For two hours You're saying there's You're saying Co-hosting the biggest problem

Comes with some sort of Some sort of cost Professional cost reputational damage, which is hundreds of people shitting on you for two straight hours.

For two hours. For no benefit. Yourself! Is that what you're saying? Something along those lines. Oh, God. Man. I think my balls are coming back.

Dude, I think nature's healing, man. My balls are like the undertaker. When they roll the credits, he's in the coffin. Oh, my God. It busts out of the coffin, you know? You hear the Taco Bell, ding, like...

The Taco Bell song, yeah. Fuck. Ding. Did he ever do a thing with Chalupas, The Undertaker? I mean... Anything Chalupa related. Okay, it's not going to Vimeo.

Well, sorry, I guess I'll upload it there later. Yeah. Whoopty fucking do! Fuck Vimeo. And it's working here. Okay. I never thought I'd say this, Dick. but we need a new type of insurance

oh yeah what type of insurance is that fucking fat Mexican lady tort insurance man we're gonna have listen to me aOC we're gonna AOC is gonna be running for president and she looks

did you see her harvesting her eggs her Easter eggs those eggs have gone sour harvesting her wavos I remember her you could jack off to AOC at one point in 80 years when she's like The little, the face lines, yeah. She got the facelines, man.

She got the discolourations around the mouth that the old tortoise get. She got it early. That's why that little ginger weirdo she was dating split out. He's like, I got my money. Fuck you, bitch. He saw her getting fat.

Back to the tortoise factory with you. Well, man, so good this. Nasty. Nasty. Parked my car, walking home late at night. No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, listen. We're going to have a OC campaign that's tortoise-based.

that's tortas interference yeah it's going to be a tortoise interference total tortoise interference it's going to be embracing there's going to be a fat

she's going to be throwing chanclas out at a rally that would be just millions of people knocked out in the streets yeah she's going to have a whole team of them up there what were you going to say what were you doing

what were you saying I was going to say so I parked my car walking back to my place uh huh and I see this fat fucking Mike Wazzowski built bitch sitting on the bumper

of this van and I was like oh okay that must be like her car Is that the new Tweety Bird Mike Wissowski? I guess so Yeah that like borderline triangular shape And I'm walking up and she sees me and starts picking up her shit and walks away

And I said wait a second She just thought that fucking Someone's car bumper was a fucking bench to sit on? To you're sitting on a car? Yeah. Oh, wow. And as she got up, the fucking bumper went,

and this, clipped back into place. Unclipped. Oh, it unclipped. And I went, what the fuck? If I came out and my bumper was all fucked up because some fat bitch down. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's not even car insurance.

Yeah. What are you supposed to do about that? It's uninsured motorist insurance. Now, it's Torta insurance. She needs to have her captain's license for a seat area. You got to take it to. A.MCO. Say, look, a fat Mexican woman sat on my bumper.

Can you guys, you bring it in and say, oh, you got a couple fat women sat on your bumper, huh? Yeah. Yeah, we see a lot of these now. I saw that and was like, holy fuck, that's a whole new thing to be paranoid about. They must, maybe O-Zempec doesn't translate into Spanish.

Maybe that's the problem. Because maybe whatever they translated it to is wrong, because they're not taking it. No. Maybe we should put that in the tortillas. Instead of fluoride? Yeah. Maybe you should up to fluoride, up to OZemphic in the tortillas.

Get it all out of here. They should just be standing in front of the ER. Every one of them that comes in, dart them, like Jurassic Park. It unlocked a new universal truth for me. You know, like anything can be a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough, right? Yeah. Brave enough. And anything is a bench if you're a fat tortoise.

The homeless defensive architecture doesn't work on them Because they have a coating of blubber Yeah So they could sit on any they could sit on a porculus With spikes all over it It will Shit that a homeless meth addict Can't sleep on because they're all bones and skin

You know The fat tortoise just they roll into town like the blob And just envelop it They're like what studs There's studs around here Where? Like no you're sitting on a bunch of bolts and shit Coming out of the ground and glass

You don't feel that you fat piece of shit You're sitting on an active shredder. You're sitting on an active volcano, ma'am. Tiosmio. Pissed me off. I was like... Diosmio! Just sitting on a car and fucking it up?

Yeah. And then like scurrying when she saw anyone walk up. Yeah, and it's like, what the fuck? Like, a whole new level. Like, you better not be sitting on my fucking car. And I'm going to get a car cam just to make sure no fucking fat... Can I throw some fat Mexican lady insurance on my policy, please? I see him or walking around my neighborhood.

I know they're going to get tired at some point. The wrong day, they could get tired. Right. I got to get a trunk sticker that says not a bench in Spanish. No fu-mar. Right, no farting. In my car. Presenting.

Oh, boy. I'm telling you, you're going to have to vote for that. He's going to be up there freezing your eggs still. Yeah! Welcome to Dick. If you want Dick, you need Dick, you love it. Got it! The show rooms a contest.

It's a live for a mountain bunker deep. the hooded city failure my house of domestician, aka the $20 million man. Joining me is Johnny the audio engineer. What? Johnny, are you going to have a big announcement

suit or what? Dude, I'm not talking about marriage, obviously. I don't want anyone to ever think that, anyone. I don't want to ever give that impression. Did you see that China

has no more community property or something? What? Yeah, they straight out said, hey, you hoes aren't getting any more of this money if you divorce.

Unless you can prove you works for it. Crazy. So now they got a bunch of Chinese women with abacus keeping track of hand jobs and stuff over there. Your wife's like, they got a sticker board now. Star stickers sticking in one hand job, $300. China's looking a little better every day, man. Every day, man. They take their Muslims, put them in concentration camps.

No hose. They got a one-child policy and a no-ho policy. Yeah. That's the policy in China. No Muslims, no-hose, one child. Sign me up, man. And gutter oil. For all.

And they got two oceans between them in Mexico. That. Man. That's kind of an important flex. Can you believe that? He just woke up one day and said, ah, these hoes are, there's too many gold diggers.

Do you think Xi Jinping woke up one day and said, these hos ain't loyal and then fucking set out the imperial decree? He's like, Winnie the who? How about Winnie the no alimony, bitch? Alamone. How about that? I'm going to get an eye slantification surgery and just move there.

Yeah. Because I bet this American marriage probably doesn't count. Dude, if we just shaved our heads and, like, just rocked the bald Chinese uncle look? We're already cheap, dude. Yeah, the bald Chinese uncle look. Like, dude, all you got to do is be cheap, smoke cigarettes. Oh, man. Fucking play board games.

Did you play mahjong all day? I wish there was a... cheapness contest in the world, like a world series of cheap skates. I think it was extreme couponing at one point, right? And then it was, that's spending money. That's just like, how can I spend money better? How do I get reverse broke? Yeah, mine is like, how can I not spend money at all?

My wife tried to order some, my wife tried to order a $20 burrito this week. I'm like, hell no. What about on the show that you were talking about a $20 burrito? I said, that was just for the show. Yeah. Don't ever pitch me a $2.00 burrito. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

We just say things on the show, that whole different thing. It's so fucked. Her favorite DoorDash restaurants are just ones that totally suck. It's like Aeroon from all the way at the Grove. Yeah. Look, there's a whole chicken here that you can get. I want a California burrito or I want a chicken burrito and you can get a whole chicken. Like, you know, that whole chicken's like $5

That's down the street at the Mexican store And it tastes better Taste better too So I have to pay $60 for a Fucking chicken that I could go get For a Cornish game hen Yeah Fucking chicken that's the size of a baseball

Come on man Dude, I hate spending money, man I hate it too Because when you know the prices of shit too Like I had to take my wigger assistance out for ice cream this week. Yeah.

We were in the midst of, we took a work break, and we were roasting people on Instagram as we do. Uh-huh. One of them says, we'll just say Code Red was saying. What race is that? Mountain Dew. Oh, okay. He was talking about how he's like, I know that lady has no eyebrows because my mom used to do the same thing.

And Baja Blast over here goes, yeah, that's because she burned them off smoking crack. and I went Baja Blas that is officially the meanest thing I've ever heard for no fucking reason at all

like that like that's it we're going What was the reason just because we were being assholes and I was like man that

that was uncalled for like that's it like boys we're going out for ice cream like we need to settle the fuck down like we're not going to get any work done if you're going to be saying shit like that

I was like I need to focus you can't be making me do that Right, right. But thrifty ice cream, only one scoop, no toppings. How much was that? Used to be 99 cents. $1.50 apiece. That's not so bad.

Not so bad, but I'm like, man, I could have bought this whole tub for what I got fucking three scoops for. It's fucking, you can't win no matter what you do. You can only... Don't play. If you buy, the only way to get ahead anywhere is you have to buy the industrial-sized version. Not the Costco size. I'm talking industrial size. Like a barrel of ice cream?

I'm going to buy a fucking pallet of Red Bull after this show for fucking $800. I've already looked into it. It's so stupid. I dated a girl that did that. She had like a, she had a fucking dolly in the garage for all of her energy drinks. Jeez. At that point is that fucking. And I, now that I'm, now that I'm remembering that, I don't know.

Like, when you're young, you don't really see like Terminator vision of how much everything cost. Like you really, when you're dating, when you're dating, you're just looking at the ass, you know, how freaky is this chick and I take her out, like all this fucking shit. But now if I could like, if I had to go back into that situation, I would be going like, this bitch costs how much? How much is this fucking palette of energy drinks? How much is this fucking energy drinks you're drinking every day? How much these cigarettes fucking cost? No fucking way. I'm out of here. I'm fucking out of here. I would, if I could go back, I would be 20 going, Like if there was like an Oliver Twist kind of orphan situation, but with fully grown women, I would be there.

And you bitches cost how much? You're eating like ramen every day? Amazing. And you could eat the same thing twice in one week? Is there any bitch I would get on the intercom at the orphanage for women? Is there any bitch in here who can eat the same thing twice in one week? Because of my whole fucking life, I've never been able to find one of you that could do that. We had that on Monday.

What coincidence? I had a big pain in my ass on Monday and yet I'm having it again today. And it never tastes any better. It never did. You almost got to run a second intro. The shocker is how much actual good advice

that I have for young men that I know they would never take. Like look at how much, look at how much she costs. Look under the hood. You need a fucking, what are those car reports called? The fucking car fax on it. You need a hofax.

on this. How much does this bitch spend? You need to sit there or you need to be able to quickly analyze. You walk in a room and go fucking pallets of energy drinks, this, this, this, and you should be able to assess, okay, if this is what this bitch is going to do in about a month. Like you have to, like, okay, apart. Yeah, but her politics. Yeah, but she plays video. Like, none of that shit matters, man. Yeah. Really none of that shit matters because that's all just a method of talking to them.

And believe me, that's something you don't need to optimize for. Dude, that's already... Once you optimize for it, the problem is, is everyone optimizes for it, but no one can handle that level of... You need to de-optimized for it.

Right. No one can handle the level of the fucking denial of service attack you get afterward, where it's just like, man, my network... Put up my fucking firewall, Jesus.

Too many pings. I was configured for two-way communication. This is one way. Right. This should be no way. You know, my wife's in this. She must be.

I don't know if she must be in this, she's on this game show. I don't know about it. I can't prove this, but I'm pretty sure she's on some sort of a reality game show where the objective is to plan the worst activity possible for your family. Last week was going to the zoo

at two in the afternoon, 95 degrees, all concrete, no shade. I don't know why they don't know. build shaded. You know, did I tell you this at the zoo? We got no elephants? We got no elephants

at the LA Zoo. Have I told you that? Giant elephant enclosure, right? We used to have elephants. There's no elephants there anymore. But it's like the middle of the zoo. So you can see it from everywhere. You always pass by it

because it's enormous, obviously, for elephants. No elephants in it. And they said, and I said, what happened the elephants here? And they said, oh, we just sent him away. I said, why? She goes, well, because one of them died and we all had too and they like it better

you know and with they're a social animal uh so we sent them to Tulsa at the zoo where they got a shitload of elephants like

like what are you first of all you're telling me that you sent them to people who have tons of elephants do you know

like you sent them to a place where the kids have so many elephants they don't even know what to do with all the fucking elements secondly who the fuck cares

how any of these animals feel. That's the whole point of the zoo. Do you think any of these fuckers? Why don't they have shade then? Why don't any of these goddamn animals have a fucking pop-up? Or lean to? Or like, a whole town is full of Mexicans.

You could get one Mexican, you could go down a Home Depot, get a van full of guys, and every enclosure in here could have shade. Wouldn't be great. Animals could probably climb out and rape and kill everybody. But at least they would probably be more comfortable.

So don't try to pretend like You're here for their welfare I don't give a fuck if the elephants get Everybody coming here is lonely Get in my house is just me and my wife Wow, it'd be great if there's a whole bunch more people there But there's not And I managed to deal with it

So the fucking elephants could manage to deal with it Okay The retarded kids don't care That the elephants are gone Well and it's like For it to be in the center too It's like well here's like this mausoleum Dick right in your face all the way around the park

There's a mausoleum to your memories. Fuck you. You might as well just go to the old zoo where you just see the enclosures and graffiti everywhere because it's like, wait, at least there's something to look at and shade. So she planned another one. I got a problem with cookie mouse. She planned another

trip outing. So like, oh, today we're going to the natural history museum. And you know, I think okay, whatever, I'm working right. I'm not paying attention. He goes, all right, let's get ready to go. I'm like, it's 2.30. So, well, that's when our tickets are for, you know, time to go

you want us to drive downtown 2.30 during the week and then we're going to drive back how long are we going to spend at the history museum? Six hours? We don't want to get...

Obviously we want to come back during traffic. He's like, no, we've got to be back sooner than that. I said, oh, well, okay. So, you go to the Natural History Museum. I'm kind of excited

because I'm like, all right, we get to see some dinosaur. you know. It's really wow. Let's really wow the baby with some dinosaur bones. But the same day my balls caught up to my back. So I've been walking like a fucking cowboy for two weeks. Like Ox Mad.

Fucking busted ball. The busted ball walk. People are you a horseback? Are you a horse rider? Do you work at the rodeo? I'm like, no, I just have some fucking twist ties sticking out of my testicles right now. So I'm having trouble walking normally.

doctor said it would go away but it didn't doctors says a lot of things man they say the stitches dissolved I'm like is that like a joke everybody is it like being hypnotized or everyone just pulls them out you know

everyone's faking everyone's faking being hypnotized right man because if I get hypnotized I'm going there and start grabbing women's boobs and see this fucking guy hypnotized me man I was totally hypnotized I'm gonna run

I'm gonna get hypnotized, do all that shit, then I'll run, I'll take the hypnotist's wife, and I'll tear a shirt right off. Well, that was like a, me and one of my friends figured out that you could just like explain anything away with being like, well, I was in a fugue state. I was in a fugitive state.

Sorry, I showed up to work five minutes late. I was in a fugitive state? Just like for every possible thing. They don't know. They don't know, man. I didn't even know because I was in a fugue state. Dude. And I keep the shit.

everywhere they keep like everything is just like slightly too hot I don't know if we can't afford the air conditioning bill or whatever but like every every museum stuff is like this 85 fuck is this 80 degrees in here what the fuck is going on

so because I'm walking like a cowboy my back starts like really crippling like McMarsh shit I'm like all right whatever we just walk around I can hobble around for a couple hours we get there and they got these They got these stupid diaramas, which I always thought this is the gayest thing.

I guess it was cool in the 30s or something, but why the fuck are people coming here looking at fake animals, retarded? But of course, the baby loves them. He's like, oh, yeah. But it's scary, so he doesn't want to ride the stroller or be with mom.

Like, ah! So I have to carry him around, hobbling like this. Fucking John Wayne Baby over here. Yeah. Nobody, you don't want to shut a museum down. You feel like a loser. I don't know why. Yeah.

So we get home and the baby goes down and my wife's working on something. Usually she's watching TV. She's working on like, what are you working on? She's like, oh, I'm just like writing down some story ideas. What are you talking about? Writing down story ideas? What are you? What are you doing over there?

Oh, fucking. She's like, oh, I'm writing a book. Oh, yeah? What's your book call? She's like, my husband, the fat ass. I'm like, all right. I'm out. I'll see you tomorrow.

All right, what do I got? What I got here? You get the worst pictures ever from that museum. Because I'm all hunched over. And because of my balls, I can't work out, so I look fatter than hell. So it's me and Donnie under the Tyrannosaurus wrecks. I'm just, like, fucking spilling me. my stomach is like, because you hold a baby and you have to kind of lean back.

Yeah. But then your stomach just can do whatever it wants, spilling all over the place. If you didn't do a shirt pull, you're fine. Like, I don't want a memory of this. Fucking shit. I haven't worked out in, you know, two weeks I can. I'm not supposed to. Right.

And I'm the, I'm all hot because there's not enough money to, there's not enough money to, there's not enough money to cool the museum down. you know I don't know pay the Somalians that worked there it was hot drenched with sweat fat

holding a baby I could delete that like it's this pathetic looking she's just setting you up to take all these fat sweaty pictures I know I'm not going on anymore

ah Oh, there's a women's OJ Lindsay Clancy. Do you know Lindsay Clancy? Sometimes do you know the weirdest stuff. Sometimes I do know the weirdest stuff, but when it comes to shit that people, like normal people talk about, I have no idea. Is this? Man, this is funny. This woman killed all of her kids. Well, what race?

And then didn't white. And then... Oh, then that's a shame. And then didn't kill herself. You know, they never... Somehow I always forget, you know? Very women fucking behavior. You managed to strangle all those kids, but...

Yeah, you wanted to be alive. You were gonna kill yourself, but somehow that didn't... She just wanted to be a star on all the fucking crime networks. Yeah, it's funny because there's a lot of women who... There's a lot of women who empathize with her. Yeah, women do hate their kids. Yeah, because they're like evil. I guess.

Women, I'm saying. Not these particular women. She's about to be jailed for life for something her husband did. New theory. He killed the kids. He was the voice she heard. He theor...

I'm trying to find one that sums it up. Just like women outing themselves as fucking insane. Yeah, basically. It's like... It's shit that you wouldn't even hear the most red-pilled of men... It's shit that you wouldn't even hear

Andrew Tate saying, really. Like... but they're they're saying it uh on mass here you go here's 50 Marie the more I see the case the more I'm disgusted with how people treat postpartum depression and psychosis

so a woman that killed her kids the husband went out of the house husband was gone for a couple minutes and she decided to Bart Simpson her kids you know wring strangle them ring their necks oh I thought she said

to eat my shorts. Pulled their pants down. The more I see the case, the more I'm disgusted with how people treat postpartum depression and psychosis.

Really? Ask for help. Shamed. I would love for women to describe what shame is when they use it. Shamed.

Ask for help. Never once have I seen a woman. Well, I mean, I've done it. But generally speaking, ask for help given meds galore well because your problems aren't real

what do you want them to do yeah if you have a if you have a real problem it can be fixed you should be getting super meds galore yeah the meds aren't strong enough

that's the issue because you're still walking around talking and being a big pain in the ass we need fucking bionic nanoreplicator fucking meds so you can take them and then you just turns into like a great goo event. Don't ask for help. Spiral into the abyss.

Don't ask for help hit chat. That, mm-hmm. Get fucking this shit. So, I'm at the gas station another day. Thankfully,

you know, fucking normal, I met the rocket, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and my girlfriend

in there, getting red bulls and shit. And fucking, we hear this fat lady off to the side buying lottery tickets. And she goes, well, I was telling chat GPT all of my son's qualifications and it was telling me all the jobs he could get and all of it.

And I went and I look over at her. I'm like, are you fucking hearing this right now? And she looked at me like, uh, and as we walked out and I go, I forget what I said, but it was something like, oh my God. Like, thank God I don't need that shit. Like, but that's insane. Dude, it's like the, it's, chat GBT is the. opposite of a priest confessional. Like, at least with a priest, you had to know that you were talking to a real person. These people talking to it think that they're like talking directly to God. Yeah.

And that's what really makes it fucked up. Like at least with a priest, you know, like, I'm talking to God, but I got to talk to, I got to con you to get to God. Right. You know? And the priest's like, you're not fucking bullshitting me, okay? Right. He gets to gatekeep what God says.

He asks questions back. He does like an adversarial review. Right. But you talk directly to God, man. It will fuck you up. And it is fucking people up. It's that one-way street, man. Yeah, it really is.

Because then they go, well, I'm talking to God, so he must be saying something back. And then the path back gets invented. Yeah, the best subreddits are the AI relationship ones, where they're talking about their like, that's so fucking crazy. Yeah, they're boyfriends and girlfriends that are actually AI. And plus-sized diaries, I think it's called, plus-size something.

It's a bunch of like, it's a bunch of like fat chicks talking about how, like, no one's, obviously no one's attracted to them. Like, all their problems are, someone doesn't want to fuck me. Right. But like in a million different variations. Everyone wants to fuck me, but no one wants to fuck me. But everyone wants to put their dick in me. Right. You know?

And Lindsay Clancy's. Here's one of the women that are defending this insane murderer. And I don't know, maybe they can't tell. I don't actually know if, like I, I know that women don't understand good and evil. They only understand resource allocation. And I think, I don't know how many of them. I don't want to say all off the cup, but I'm pretty sure it's all. Is the first person to kill someone because they're psychotic or a sociopath or they have

mental health issues. Do you think that this is the first time in history that someone has murdered someone because of mental health issues? Do you genuinely think that? Do you think that school shooters are mentally sound? Do you think that they are mentally sound? No. And how many of those do you advocate for to go to an institution to be rehabilitated rather than prison? You don't. You don't. It's because gender bias. You hate men. You hate the patriarchy. You hate... Oh, okay. I don't even know what she's talking about. Uh, all right, here's the last one I had. Classic woman can't even make a fucking point All their proofs are asking questions

So how do you It's like no no no no Yeah you stay what you mean you come to me with the facts Don't ask me I know the facts Part is everyone here announcing Lindsay Clancy killed her three kids And then tried to kill herself Should wait until the trial was over

Nurses don't fail at suicide Yeah but think of all the people Tom Clancy killed over the years in his books too many too many man did I just click on this one yeah yeah it's OJ

it's women's OJ all over again man All right what do I got here missed opportunity to call her HoJ oh yeah

Oh, the WNBA met to figure out what they're going to do with all the men making fun of them and pretending to join the league, you know, WMBA. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, I heard that one. Yeah, it sounded rough. Four-hour show today, everybody. The WNBA task force Met to discuss what qualifies someone as a woman

For league eligibility Oh No Is he okay It sounded like he saw a ghost How am I supposed to talk about the WMBA With that going on Can you hear him?

I don't know if he's picking up Is it picking it up? Oh man No, we should be good. All right, the WNBA Task Force meets to discuss what qualifies someone as a woman for league eligibility but reaches no rules.

That's it, isn't it? That's what it is. That's what qualifies you as a woman. If you could get together with eight other of you and not figure anything out, you're a woman. Yeah.

Whether you have a penis or not, if you can sit in a room, if you can sit in a room for two hours and you can come out with nothing more than you had when you went in, no ideas, new ideas, no resolutions, no plan, no new tests or hypotheses or directions, no new statements. If you're capable of doing that, you're a woman. Take any of them, any of these, whatever you got, put them in a room for two hours. And if they come out, hook them up to a lie detector test, I don't know.

If they come out and you say, so what did you come up with in there? And they say, absolutely nothing. You say, congratulations, ma'am. Welcome to the WNBA. Because a man's going to bust out of the wall. That's prison for us. being stuck somewhere where all you can do is have ideas and then have no way to implement them

is what happens to you when you murder someone. That's how we, that's the worst punishment that we can possibly think of for men is to say, oh, you're a real bad guy, you're doing a lot of hurting everyone. We're going to stick you in a place where all you can do is have ideas. You can just think all day. Think all day. And you got no way to execute them. And they think, what? What do you mean? And then they come out of prison and their brains are scrambled, man. they just got ideas and ideas and ideas and ideas and all them are trash you know most maybe there's a good one there's millions of them are trash it's like a old satellite finally coming back online that's like no we haven't

thought like oh like what fucking kubert slinging it out there but you take a woman running the nw nbba doing pretty much anything stick them in a room for a hundred years let him out and say what do you think they say nothing what do you mean well what were you thinking about in there oh was i supposed to be do you reach any sort of binding resolution or have any opinions on what a woman is exactly that you are which you are no maybe throwing some more of you in there will help nah it won't sometimes i think like have women reach the true truest form of enlightenment like because you're supposed to not have thoughts right and there's times where I'm like where you just sit there and you try and meditate I close my eyes for more than 10 seconds

I got too many ideas and go this is fucking retarded because I got too many fucking ideas I need to start working on my comic book I say I got make I got I got to go get this to the printer I say to myself I got too many fucking ideas where's a woman I got to tell her about these ideas Man New Orleans is going to be the first city in the U.S. to use AI to answer 911 calls. Good.

That's good. Well, yeah. Because the problem is, you know, 911, it's just retarded people. It's retarded people calling about traffic accidents and, you know, lost grandparents and stuff. Yeah, go find it.

Having heart attacks. Same with the ER. It's like, okay, 99% of you. you guys don't, nothing wrong. It's clearly not an emergency. I can see. Not an emergency. But it's like they didn't think about that when they started advertising 911.

Like, hey, this will be great. 911, everyone can remember that. They'll call if there's an emergency, right? Nobody said, what if like a bunch of bozos call it for no reason? Like, well, they'll just call the police. Like, it's, no, there's no, like, 9-1-2. Right. Well, that's why Porsche stopped painting the model number on the sides of the doors.

Really? Yeah. Is that true? Because the 9-11s? Yeah? All the Mexicans calling the fucking ambulance. The V-cell ones? What does it say here?

Some kind of... I know it's true because the article says, no, AI isn't answering all of New Orleans 911 calls. Okay. Who wrote this? Christina. Why it matters. No. not true.

Okay, the reality. They're using AI to assist with some 911 calls. Okay, so they're using AI 911. Yeah. But the story oversimplified says how it assists human. Hey, has anybody, like, in the real world

had a good experience with AI? No, right? I don't think so. They always stick it in before you get to talk to the human. Always. There's no other mode of operation for the AI.

It always gets stuck in before a human and then answers things that are intended for total retards. It's like a great retard filter, right? Dude, it's crazy. You can't even go to like any sort of like, like any like audio plugin websites, whatever. Anything. And it's like the FAQ section is like, how do I sign up for an account here? How do I register my serial loan?

And it's like... And then they built a machine that took that. and then turned it into like a fake person that's talking to you. And then you have to go, how do I fucking get a person? Yeah. That never, it's like,

so that's what you have, that's what you'll have to do with nine, the two is only used when people call within 200 meters of an already reported vehicle crash. Why are we using meters in America? Fucking pussies. Probably an Israeli invention meters. According to the OPCD explainer.

And only if all human dispatchers are, already on calls. Oh, okay. So if you're getting raped within 200 meters of a car crash. We finally have the Datspatchers. We have the dispatchers. The problem with 911 and the problem with everything is that it's too easy to remember. Like, 911 should be pie and the more digits you can remember, the better, you know, like one guy's, there's one guy who just only answers if you put in 20 digits. Like if you get 20 digits a pie, you get one special guy's like,

he picks up before it even rings. It's just always on, you know, in his head. The further you keep going, the brighter, like, red light on the other end blink? You can dial the Picard self-destruct code sequence from next generation, you know, 9, 3, 7, 4, 5.

Did I still think, um... And then you get right through. Yeah. And you skip all of the parasites that could only remember 9,000. fucking worms yeah yeah that's what we need for pretty much everything scrape the entire internet return it to fucking php bulletin boards again yeah uh what were you gonna say i fucking

oh my friend got the best number of fucking fuck fuck that's the greatest phone number ever how do you do fuk f uc okay no way yeah how did he get that he's had it since the 90s and i was like that really pisses me off because it's so good. That's incredible. It's the best phone number ever, dude. Let me see that. Wow. Yeah, because it's, you know, it's the block of like, yeah, no, I know how, I know how, please. No, I have pages, get the hell out of it. It's the perfect. I'm like, man, you can do ass fuck too. I just wanted to say ass fuck on a podcast. An AI agent only response to those callers to ask whether they're calling about the vehicle crash. so you get an AI

it's like movie phone now calling 911 why don't you just tell me the emergency I'm fucking dying are you calling about the car crash like fucking Tom Kenny

is talking to you AI Tom Kenny Gary why is a weird SpongeBob talking to me man I want AI Tom from MySpace fucking helping me out if I'm in a car accident

I can trust that guy if the caller says anything in any language besides yes then they are routed immediately back to a human dispatcher. Immediately, are you sure about that? What a waste of time. Are you sure that it's immediate?

Well, and... So it is routed then. So it is AI. Yeah. Well, and the other thing is it directs it back to a person. And remember that one lady we covered who was just like hanging up on people? Oh, that fucking bitch, dude. So it's like you're just going to get the run around and then get hung up on.

Yeah, and bleed out in the street and then fucking grave digger is going to have to come Bleak out in the street like trying to take care of you as best as he can It's fucking human error. Hi, is it? Human error just broken my house stabbed me For $80 you know Stole some copper out of my Stole all the batteries in my house Man are you calling about the car wreck How big is 200 meters anyway

that's that's too big 200 meters man I don't know you just see the you can see the creep you can see the creep of inshittification on everything like yeah I mean okay so the system works and then what and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger

too big to fail man so when I go to Jack in the box and I got to hear that fucking obvious AI voice Oh, does your order look right on the screen? Well, you get the fucking like, Hi, welcome the jacket box. Like, we're happy to take it. And you're like, oh, okay, I'll get like a,

and then the guy taking the order is like, okay? Yeah. And you're like, well, I didn't know it was going to be some guy who just fucking got here on the other side. Here's the most common types of calls in 9-1-1. 7% are emergency calls. Violent crime is 7%

And the rest are parking traffic accidents, noise disturbances, suspicious activity. Wait, you people will call 9-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1. Hey, there's a bunch of black guys doing fentanyl. I can kind of see it from my house, you know, with a telescope. Can you guys go check that out, please? Open my front door and see it. Can you guys hit up the flock guy and tell him that there's about, I don't know, 50,000 people? that I can see from where I live,

cracked out, doing fentanyl, raping each other. Go ahead and dispatch the flock cameras over there. They rape each other with the nitrous cans. There's about 20 guys doing nitrous. I see it when I leave everywhere. Throwing nitrous cans everywhere. And all their girlfriends are fat. It's crazy.

Dude, it's starting to look like Mount Everest Base Camp with all the fucking cans and dead bodies everywhere. And all the fat bodies? The guys just kicked their girlfriend Their fat girlfriends out of their car and leave them Oh, you see the cliff You see green boots up there?

That fat bitch? With the green galoshes Man I walk my dog to green boots every day It's fat bitch who's still Still coming around Help me Fat Mexican woman

They all are Rove me over Roll me over She eats garbage Well they all do She grabs, she can, she got a stick She can grab garbage out of the garbage cans Right, for her

It's not a trash picker, it's more of like A mobility aid Ass wiping wand Fahle Her ass wiping wand is the same as her trash Fucking feeding apparatus It's the one hand does it all God I fucking hate those nitrous

Motherfuckers I really fucking hate them Dude They always look at when you drive past They always look at you like you're an asshole It's like there's no part It says no fucking parking because it's like a half a lane wide dickhead. Like now I can't even drive through.

Like you guys are so fucking poor and stupid that coming up here and just looking at a skyline excites to you so much, get the fuck out of here. Get a, get a computer. Why don't you learn to stop wasting your time looking at architecture and gay shit outside? Why don't you go talk to the free tier of fucking Google Gemini? You fucking retards. Go make some images for yourself, you poor pieces of shit. Go scrape digital res. It's by waiting for your limits to reset, you fucking mongrel.

I fucking hate nitrous, man. 92. When are we going to have like a jack in the box, mad cow scare with nitrous? We got to start setting those fools on fire. Like Hindenberg up to poof. It's flammable? Yeah, because you run it in your car. Oh, yeah.

Wait, why does that work? Because, oh, yeah, it is. Yeah, it makes the air super fucking cold. Yeah. All right, what else do I got here? Rating a call center with SpongeBob's. You want to see that one? Sponge Vajines, too.

I want AI in L.A. 9-1-1. Yeah. I want to close the loop. I want the cartels running L.A. I'd rather... I'd just rather pay protection money for gangsters than, like, NGO money for trains that don't exist. Like, imaginary trains. like I want a politician that shoots me straight

give me money or I'll kill you I don't like give me money and I'll help homeless people and build space trains like I don't want that shit And she'll kill you afterward Yeah It's like yeah at least tell me Just give it to me straight

Tell me what the deal is And we'll go from there Give me money or we'll kill you And don't ask where the money's going I wasn't going to Great deal I already got what I paid for You not killing me That's a perfect government

Perfect exchange We spent 250 years with the other government this promising shit that I didn't want. Yeah. Let's just get back to basics. Let me protect myself, but you just fucking, you know. If I want a space train, I'll build it. Right.

Because you didn't kill me. If it mattered that much to me, I would have done it. Yeah. Doesn't matter that much to me. It's all good. Ain't trying to rock the boat here. Not trying to get the Greeks. Here's the parties.

This lady wants to build this train to space and give homespeople houses. Nope. And this guy's not going to kill you. I'll take the second guy. I didn't hear any promises about not killing me from the first one. Just heard a bunch of bullshit. Because guess who's not going to be able to afford that?

Homeless people. Yeah. Put them out on the street. Make it worse for them. Take their houses. Kill them. Go around and if you see homeless people, even with a little bit of shade on a tree,

chop the tree down. I want to see homeless people making homeless campments out of other stacks of dead homeless people. And then take Yeah, and then bulldoze all that. I needed to look like

Take their houses. Yeah. I want homeless I want homeless housing destroyed. All of it. Strip them to a back of a fucking truck

and make them watch as you dump the last of their everything needs to be built at an angle so that the sun can't even cast a shadow. Make L.A. into the,

like make sides of the L.A. River, but all around L.A. Exactly. And just flood this whole bit Noah's Arctus

motherfucker. every like take a big air gas semi and fill the L.A. River with CO2 so that all the homeless suffocate

man victimless crime can't even can't be traced could you hire like every gopher exterminator to go down there and fucking I'm so fucking tired of hearing about the homeless but not air gas air gas is tight

no not air gas is great dude last time I was went there, you could pick up fucking sick ass safety glasses for like $2.50 still. That's a good deal. Fucking box of earplugs, like $6. Fucking love air gas, man.

Rating a scam call centers in India. Spang baths and spangve jeans. It's a bunch of sponge bobbs dressed up like he's at the Krusty Crab. Oh, I get it. There's a Chinese guy so they found a yellow character. Oh, yeah. I like it.

Innovative. It's a bunch of guys dressed up like SpongeBob and they're going to raid a scam call center. They're in the parking lot in it.

Is there Indian security guard? That's like Indians all have a big stick like a yardstick. That's their weapon of choice. Have you seen that thing that's like

they don't even have the strength of like a young woman? I believe it. Get him. Get him. Get him. Do they have police in India?

I think it's people you can just bribe moralize. The SpongeBob's are humping the security? I don't know, probably fake, but whatever. Oh, yeah, there's a list of the men. Islamic foot washing stations are coming to Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. Well, that's what you get, Texas. Wow, really. Islamic foot washing stations are coming to Dallas for with the new woodoo stations will be installed in men's and women's restrooms in Terminal D giving Muslim travelers a dedicated place to perform ritual washing before prayer.

Man, worse than 9-11. Isn't Texas supposed to be like the most American place in America? Dude, they got totally, they got totally raped. Somebody forgot the Alamo and it wasn't me. Yeah, they got H1Bs dumped on their heads And they didn't do jack shit about it They forgot the Alamo This is gonna be fucking disgusting bro

Imagine all these Sick people With wet feet It's gonna be like a water park Going to DFW is gonna reek It's gonna fucking stink It's just stink worse, yeah God

Dallas DFW is gonna stand for Dallas DeFW Foot wash. Officials point to another reason for the change. Travelers washing their feet in standard sinks can leave floors wet and slippery and damage restroom. Oh, okay. Well, if they're already washing their feet in the sink, might as well give them, you know, a hose and a foot tub. Make them through that shit outside.

Stations are privately funded and are expected to be complete by the end of the year. Similar facilities already exist in Chicago and other... Wow. other undesirable parts of the country. Gross, man. Totally gross and retarded. Fucking sickening. Okay.

Oh yeah, flock cameras. Okay, what did... Pro Asylum, something. WNBA. Gen Z is using sports gambling for retirement. That's cool. Oh, students can't read. Is that funny?

see i'll get to some comments uh students can't read do do oh well you see this guy teacher breaks down in tears because students can't read oh i got an ad ah texas teacher well that's why they can't read it's not in fucking it's not in Hindi it's not in Sanskrit what a fucking ad is this let's go Oh, it's talking to a psychiatrist. Oh, Jesus Christ. Do you see backrooms? No. Man.

This is like a... This is you make one called bathrooms where it's like you walk endlessly through the backrooms and then you get all the way to the end. It's just some fucking fat guy shitting in a toilet going on like, what the fuck? Fucking movie about therapy, man. Like, really? You found me all the way out here?

This is my secret place to shit. That's the fucking... I'd watch that movie. Bathrooms? Yeah. Look at this bathroom. Look at this bathroom. Check this bathroom.

Matt Clark. If Robin Leach fucking voiced it, I'd watch the fuck out of that movie. It's a guy just trying to go to the bathroom, but every bathroom's haunted. Oh, no. He's like, can I shit here? He's like, fucking zombies in the bathroom.

He's like, I don't know. And he's got to go to another bathroom. It's basically like a Goldie Lock. and three little bears. Yeah, there's like a googly coming out of the toilet. One bathroom is like the toilet doesn't come out. A joke toilet that's too small. The toilet's just shitting in one of them.

A toilet shitting into another toilet. It's like a gumball machine. Now that's a horror movie I want to see. Not this horror therapy shit. I want to start seeing terror movies. I want movies that scare the fuck out of me so bad. It changes my life in like a negative way. I can't even fucking watch this guy talking about

students not reading okay students can't read or they can't breathe I don't know let's find out oh it was on Instagram the whole time I'm on my lunch break it is I don't know 11 30 or something like that and

I just finished a three hour class we have what's called block and block is where first and second periods are combined for subjects that needed. And so I literally broke down

in the middle of class because I'm teaching seniors. Yeah. These kids are leaving high school and going to college hopefully after they finish. Why? Why hopefully?

We had two paragraphs to read one sentence complete to write I gave them the sentence stems I basically completed the sentence for them

in the model what model it's reading dude what he's talking about 17 in the LLM an 18 year old kids and they couldn't fill in

four words four words shocker that sounds like a math problem so what a surprise yeah I gave them the scenario it's the door off the hinges

gave the hinges to the boy together I gave them the hinges in the boy's hands before we even had the problem is this real Darius cooks I couldn't do it

more like Darius cooked so I am on my lunch break Is that It's a he hymns Huh Shop it Darius Cooks

Maybe he's fake It is I don't know 1130 or something like that No my first day of school Let's decorate the classroom It's all It's all classroom stuff

So they really can't read All right He's doing extremely well Right Why would he hope they go to college? They can't fucking read, dude? What are you going to do in college? What's the point of college you can't read?

Just go beyond welfare. Yeah. Well, that's what they're going to do. Yeah. Well, they said in the Bible, right? Jesus fucking sweat, blood from the immense amount of pressure of taking on the sins of the entire fucking world. Is that what happened?

I think so. Someone will correct me on this. 30 people will correct me on this of the course of the next six months, I imagine. But this guy's only just making crocodile tears about fucking what he's about to send out into the world. Like he should be sweating blood. Like, man, I got murderers on the loose now. I got fucking kids who are going to fucking lose their minds. Yeah.

Can't fucking read. No shit, dude. You didn't know that already? What do you think? Did you think it was an education problem? Yeah. Oh, you know what? Nobody's taught them how.

That's why. That's why they can't read because nobody did a fucking diagram. Dude, record labels eat that shit up. They're like, oh, you can't read? Go ahead and sign right here. We just bought the next 500 years of your life. Okay. That's enough of this crap.

Comments. Riley Petty John says one of the best episodes. Thanks, Riley. The Lokes. I also worked a Blowjob Factory. I'm a product tester. Nah, it doesn't work like that. The product they make is Cox.

So you're testing COX. He's testing him, yeah. With your mouth at the blowjob factory. That's what he said. That's what he's talking about. Accurate. I can tell you that guy has no friends because his blow jobs suck. No pun intended.

Oh, that guy that had no friends. I was thinking about that guy. I was thinking, man, you should have less friends than that even. You should even have us. John Rosser. How does Johnny have the deep lore about 2 AM CNC machinist laughing emoji? I've lived hell of a life. Herb Beta Patch.

The thing with the burrito is they're saying going out and getting a burrito costs $20. I need three meals a day, so it costs $60 to feed me because they can only eat takeout and confuse wants and needs. Who is this directed at? Because they can only... The thing of the burrito is, and I need three meals a day. You don't need three meals a day. You don't need any... Yeah.

You don't need anything. You can just be dead. I mean, if you just eat, does anybody eat three meals a day? Maybe like, carpenter's or something? I don't know. Yeah, what are you fucking a steel worker and a fucking New York in the 1820s? You can bring a little lunchbox with you? It's a blowjob factory.

A fucking guy. It's also full of cocks. He's cranking the whistle to get into the factory and shit. Here I am. This guy actually has a time card. He clocks in with punches it in. Here I am with my metal lunch pail. My wife packed me and clocking in with my overalls.

Drinking black coffee. Out of a thermos. Out of a Stanley, original Stanley thermos. Not the pink one. Fuck you talking about three square meat. What are you in prison? Fucking industrial revolution checking in. How timely.

So it costs $60 a day to feed me. Yeah, so what? So it costs $60 to feed you. Just fucking go to Costco and eat one hot dog for every meal. cost you $450 a day to eat Why does it cost so much to eat? That's the point. Why the fuck does it cost so much

To make you food? Everyone's just like a spoiled pussy, dude. You should be eating like gruel and like oatmeal. You should be eating mud. Yeah, right. Well, they do in Africa. They make mud cookies. Yeah.

You should be wearing those masks like the slaves had to keep you from... Eating? Eating. Dirt. The animal mask. Don't let this asshole put any fucking mudcloths in his fucking face. Why is it, yeah, why is it any, any money?

You know what you should be doing? You should be doing that thing that those Japanese monks were doing and spend a thousand days eating berries and working out and then the next thousand days like eating tree bark and leaves and the next thousand days like in a hole. Yeah. Just like fucking completing the mummification process. Do that. Here's one.

Here's a clip. it's Joe Rogan and fucking Shane Gillis being a turbo F slurs Is communism the gayest shit ever? Of course Somebody needs to look into how gay communism

But isn't it crazy that it's making a comeback? Yeah It always does It's a cycle There's a cycle The problem is if we cannot call communism If we get free health care That would be a good move

That would help a lot We're calling everybody communists That wants to free health care Free healthcare is cool Yeah. We should have that. It's normal. That's not communist.

We should have a lot of education. You should treat the entire country like it's a community. If you have a community, would you want the sickest person to fucking die who could be very valuable if people to take care of them? We mean want them to die. They die. You fucking see it in nature time and time again. Do I have to stop watching television? Okay, Joe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the community parameters exactly? I can go save something. someone's life, but I have to stop watching television. I don't get to watch. I don't get to watch television tonight. Is that what you're saying? Then no.

I'm just going to go watch. I would really like to watch television tonight. So I guess that person's going to fucking die. What now? It's the whole fucking problem with yourself. We should just all stop watching this asshole entirely. Yeah. Resources take care of us.

Of course you should. We're a rich country. Exactly. Those resources are called doctors. Right. It's not resources. it's not like a fucking you're not mining ore and starcraft

that's what I was going to say yeah that's a human being that's an exceptionally intelligent human being that has worked for years and sacrificed for years to be able to save lives and he wants to watch TV tonight so they're going to die that's the system what you're proposing is to send

retards over to that guy's house and shoot his TV and march him out of his house at gunpoint, go down the street, and save the life of some worthless, obese piece of shit. Who can't even speak English? I'm starting to see why Wyddy went to the moon.

Right? It's all making sense now. Who are these fucking clowns? This is the problem with capitalism. This is the reason why people turn on all these billionaires. They turn on them because they, why do you have so much? Which you are. Yeah.

much when people have so little. But it's because it's the game. It's the game that they're playing. And you're playing the game too. You're just not playing it at that level. Fucking retards. I think it would be less offensive if Joe Rogan did a whole show where he just tried to get, do like a shoulder stand and like suck his own dick for an hour. Like that would at least be a more honest.

I can give behind that. Less offensive. Than making doctors work for free. Like every single health care discussion. And it's not that. it's wrong. It's just like every health care conversation

relies on anti-racism. And like it's not even anti-racism. It is, but it's like anti- bottom quintile. So any, like any gigantic policy conversation, it requires, it requires, because

these people's audience is predominantly bottom quintile, people with disposable money to blow on whatever the fuck they're advertising right they have to be

really touchy with them or you can't say well yeah you know the reality is like people just don't deserve to have as people can have

free health care but like the bottom quintile has to kind of take care of each other's needs like and they're also like a huge burden like you don't really

none of them really need to see a doctor like a real doctor like you could you could have like retard doctor where we take one of them and like sit him in front of an LLM for a couple weeks and then they could pretty much serve the community

of saying like, well, stop eating. Oh, you're having knee problems, you know you gotta stop eating. Like 90% of their problems, like, oh, you gotta stop eating. Like every once in a while you'll have like, oh, you got like something, you actually have a real problem.

Let me go get one of the good doctors. But we can't, we can't say that ever. We can never say like, well, you don't, like, really you kind of don't deserve it and none of your problems are real anyway. Like women with all their weird schizo problems, like, you can go see other women. But that shouldn't be involved in the...

You can go talk it out with other women or priests, you know, if you're like that. But it shouldn't be connected to this to actual health care. And all of your problems of, like, being too fat and being too stupid, that shouldn't really be connected. You shouldn't waste a doctor's time with that. You can waste a nurse's time

or something like that. That's the... But everything that they're saying beyond that is like, yeah, I mean, well, why do we have free comedy then? Right. Like, why are you guys... Why do you guys get paid?

It's like, yeah, but I want Stephen Spielberg to direct my like home movies for me for free. Yeah, well, he won't. Yeah. We'll give you a director for free. Yeah, he'll give you, well, you can have a podcast that they don't get paid to make. You want to listen to that?

Like, well, no, it'll be shit. Exactly. Funny thing, yeah. We can give you a doctor. Not one that gets paid. The concept of, just like any guy. Doing things out of the love of doing them is so fucking retarded.

Yeah. They love, people love giving out, doctor's time. Right. They just love it. It's like, oh, but I'm a comedian. It's like, yeah, you just sit there and talk for a living. There's no...

And you don't do it for free. It's like being a fucking Greek philosopher. It's just like a bunch of fucking bums with nothing better to do, sit around thinking too much and have no action behind it. And they just mythologize their worth. Yeah. Like, to a pathological degree, like the comedians are the truth. Like, you don't ever hear a doctor explaining why they're important.

and everybody just kind of knows. Yeah. What's the word for that? Oh, the guy that saves lives? Doctor. Oh, yeah, you're obviously important. And the guy keeping him out of prison? Lawyer.

Oh, okay. And what's this guy? Well, he talks. Worthless. No, no. He's like a, we're like a truth teller. And, you know, we're here to like do all. Like, no, no, no, no.

I don't see it. Worthless. Yeah. Worthless. All right. Where is I at? Chad Clamhammer. Oh, that was the,

$60 burrito. Yeah, we talked about it last week. Chad Clamhammer. Okay. This ends a video. Wow, this just happened on Thursday. A Tennessee County Commission hearing slammed flock. Quite frankly, I don't think we can make America great again without hanging your CEO for treason.

Oh, all right. Let's hear this. Sounds like somebody, we got a ball game. Thank you for being. did you say that flood cameras don't require that they require warrants? No. They don't require warrants. Did you say that flat cameras don't use AI?

Correct. They do not have to use general AI. They don't use AI. Correct. There's a difference between machine learning and generative AI. Generative. So the answer is yes. Yeah.

No, I just have a web page. here from your company. This guy's got to go. Leveraging AI Power technology to keep employees safe. And then it goes on to talk about harnessing

flock safety, AI powered technology to enhance employee safety. So, is your system log, track, and store the movements of law-blind citizens

in Sullivan County? Log track and... Okay, so the answer is yes. Yes. You know, their car, where they're going. We don't know where people are going. But you do log where, you know, their car,

they're making a model of their vehicle, whether it's got like a bike rack, dents on it. As a vehicle passes a camera, we do long as information. If a resident wants to opt out of that, can they, you know, while they're going to the church or work

or the grocery store, can they say, I don't want to be part of that surveillance drag net? Can they opt out of it? No. There's no opt out. can you guarantee that no federal agency out of state entity or

you know third party partner can access that sort of data without explicit approval? Yes. So there's no back to word for federal agencies. No. Do you really expect us to believe that? Fucking Where is this?

A Sullivan County? The answer is between 50 and 100 times. times. Okay, where's the quote? Three weeks ago he gave me. I don't want to listen to five minutes of this shit. Fuck them though.

Flock? Yeah. All of them need to go. Every flock, exact. All of those people got to be hang for treason. Tried for treason, hang for treason. We got to get, we need to have a rope shortage.

because we're doing so many hangings. We got to do like a bedding pool for like a... Who's getting hanged next? Like Goldberg. To be able to afford blackwater. Send blackwater in. Yeah. Can we crowd fund?

Yeah, crowd. That's the word of. Fucking mass murder. Is that possible? That's interesting. I never would have... I don't think you could... If that was a flock executive,

I don't think you could do a worse job. Yeah. Which means they don't care. They really don't, and why should they? That will be the final, I don't know, the next, that will be the next humiliation for white people, national surveillance network to track only them. I can track, I can track crime with my own eyeballs all day. Just go outside, you know.

My dog could probably identify the crime. they got to shove every flock camera up that guy's ass like are we are we does it work on anybody is there any person who thinks that we need a a system of surveillance that there is a deficit

in in identifying crime that the criminals are so sophisticated and the network is uh so well hidden that we need a global nationwide surveillance system to catch criminals? We all know who they are.

The fucking most retarded shit ever. Because they all did a bunch of crimes. And then they got let out by women. White and white related women. Just judges. You know, everybody that got pushed into

law school and positions of power. We all know what's happening. We don't need cameras to identify that. But they're like, yeah, but I said the magic words see so that means it's okay with people yeah he's like well i didn't say we use this i didn't say we use generative i mike says i always need dick on mondays thanks mike uh chompsky honk lack of johnny's brain rock got me apoplectic um goodness super serbian oh talk about this fraud uh black cambridge um homosexual just bought a one-way ticket to greenland because he got bullied by the entire internet uh okay who's that this is jason jason jason

R. Day? Breaking. Jason R. Day has been found dead at an address in Battersea. Uh, uh, what they make him look like a fucking Renaissance era. Like, it's like the part in all that where they get fucking Keenan Thompson to come out and teach you French. He's working at Goodberger. Yeah. God damn it. What is this? Is this what you have to dress like when you teach at Cambridge? Like a beef eater guy? hidden that gin is he holding a bottle of gin here I heard a little bit about this

um let me so he got is there a summary of this anywhere uh he got like he got he's a

you know he's like the next you know big important black guy but uh he got all of his stuff is plagiarized let me try to get a better they Helen Keller him. Yeah, they held him. They found like a

retarded guy and we're like, this is going to be the voice of a nation. Black Black Cambridge Professor, accuse of plagiarism found dead. He was 37. He became Cambridge's youngest black professor in 2023. Resigned

after he came under intense media pressure with weeks of allegations about plagiarism in his academic work and questions surrounding claims about his athletic and fundraising. His athletic accomplishments too, he was lying about?

He couldn't dance at all as it turns out. You know what? And he had a regular-sized wiener. Turns out he didn't beat Michael Phelps at fucking swimming. News of his death comes the same week as the release of his memoir. Great and unfortunate things. Oh, is he even really dead? A highly anticipated work that Simon and Schuster has decided to release.

Hey, that's my publisher. Despite the doubts of his credibility. Well, you know, they already printed. the books, what are they going to do? Then black people aren't going to care. They're going to, they're, I guess, rightfully, I mean, they're totally out to lunch when it comes to like, oh, that guy turned,

that guy was a really bad guy, like, they don't, they don't give a shit at all. This is Simon & Scheister? I have to question the, I question the, um, the, um, the, sanity of this individual. He really wanted to be,

like, he's, he's, he's plagiarizing. So he's obviously lying, but then he's like, people find out and he's so distraught, he kills himself. Like, give me a break. Yeah, you should have lied even harder. Yeah. Why is now the time to stop lying? People don't care.

People, and they didn't, you're not there because the work was seen as good. You're there because you're black. Right. Like, is that not all of, all, all, all. minority accomplishments since the I don't know since they started affirmative action they're all tainted with with imposter syndrome or whatever you want to call it even you know I maybe I got it probably got into school because I'm half Mexican I put Mexican on the form they wouldn't put it on the they wouldn't put the

checklist on the form if they didn't consider it and I wouldn't have put Mexican if I didn't think they were considering so obviously I got into school out of of racism. That is a, that is a tremendous black mark. It's not like, oh, um, you know, maybe it happened. It's like, no, it definitely happened. It's, you were definitely there only because you're black. Just like Eric July's comics are only successful because he's black. The whole thing, all of it, the only thing that matters is race. Wait, so. None of the, none of the individuality, none of the accomplished matter at all because of that. You bring up a very, So what? You're like so shocked?

The plagiarism doesn't fucking matter. The work didn't matter. All that matters was your race the whole time. You're still black. So what's the fraud? Did that bubble actually matter in school, though? Yeah. Of course.

Oh, shit. Of course. I was putting African American every time. Well, then whatever you got, you should have got. Of course it matters. I was thought it was funny because I'm like, there's no way they're actually giving a fuck about a scantron. They did so bad. They fucked up so much that they want to go back to SAT scores because they fucked up the value of their degrees so much.

Chinese one year. I just eventually filled them all out. They must have thought you were quite a... They were like, this guy's incredible. Put him in the... Chinese probably hurt you though. That's why they were like... Because they got other Chinese people that come with dowries.

And good grades, yeah, and not... Yeah, the Chinese one hurts you. But as far as they... know I'm the tallest Chinese person in the whole school district. So falls in their court. I mean, it's just like somebody's got to sit these guys down. Like you got to,

when you get these huge DEI hits like this, somebody's got to sit them down and say, hey, look, this is because of your race. Like, so don't worry about if the work isn't good. Don't stress yourself out about it. You're only here as like a race, racial trophy for white women and liberals who hate their,

who really, who really kind of just hate civilization. Yeah. Like, it's hard to explain. They, yeah, they hate their fathers

and they, I mean, they hate, like, sex. They kind of just, or, they kind of just

are manifestations of what humanity considers Satan and the devil. Well, they hate you, too. They hate you big time. That's why they set them up.

They framed his ass. Fucking, what's the course? Send me in. You know, these guys got to, they got to be set straight by somebody.

Look, don't worry about it. Obviously, if you're cheating or not, it doesn't matter. All the matters is your race. Dude, it's like fucking Millie Vanilli. Like the guy killed himself

and it's like, bro. It was still a banger. It was still great. No one cared that they were still killer like fucking showmen. Yeah. It was the name. Millie, Vanilli. It's fun. It's exciting. I like saying it. Right. Two guys going up dancing, doing them, you know,

the back and forth. Dance. No one gives you shit about anything else. But then he kills himself and it's like oh man, if only he would have seen that everyone in the future never sung their music either. Like, fucking like...

Yeah. It's embraced. Yeah. They were ahead of their time. He fell for it. He shouldn't, like... You should have been in on the joke. In the future,

there will be only plagiarism. What this guy killed himself over... That's what we gave the fucking AI machines now. It's just going to be... It'll be a political game of who's more black. Everybody... Everybody will have... Yeah, the AI machine makes the...

cheating ubiquitous, you know? Yeah. It doesn't matter. It's just going to be campaigns of like, well, I'm the blackest, you know, I'm from North Sentinel Island. That's how black I am. I got to change. And black will even be a stand in for minority.

Right. No, I got to change my name to Jefferson Jefferson if I want to be competitive in this new day and age. Just Jefferson. No, well, like, the first and last name. Yeah, Jefferson. Jefferson. Yeah.

British Sociology. who resigned. I feel like a sociologist should be saying these sorts of things. Last week from the universe of Cambridge following weeks of public accusations. I don't know. What an asshole.

He must have felt like, oh, man, I'm bringing shame to the university. Like, but they only picked you because of your race. Yeah. You brought them shame to begin with. Yeah. You were a ticking time bomb. It's even better for them

that they stand by you. when you're a total fraud. It means they're more committed to race than ever. How do you not get that? You need to go to the economy. We see how he didn't get it. It wasn't really a professor of academia. The campaign of misinformation was too much for Jason.

See, there you go. They're already going to say it's... If he would have had his knocks, dude, he could have came to this crossroads and looked way down both paths and seen, you know what? You should have bought the shirt. Stay the course, man.

Subject to a campaign. campaign of sustained abuse by those who would leave no stone unturned in their quest to undermine him. Blah, blah, blah. It's not believe, is there anything valuable in here? Highlighted his personal story of overcoming dyslexia, so he can't even read. Now I understand that high school, you know what? Out of dyslexia. That poor guy, I'm going to start.

Developmental delays and autism that he has. left him non-verbal until he was 11 and illiterate until his late teens. Oh man, they really fucked this guy over. So he's copying pasting shit and we're like, man, people are going to love this. Everyone's like, yeah, you copied and pasted from the Bible. Like, everyone knows this. He described how a midwife noted his long fingers and told his mother that it was a sign he was meant for greatness. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In his early 20s, he recalled he was on a relief mission in Brazil when an aid worker, Did you know Who drank Kool-Aid In your opinion? The way you're smiling Already pisses me off I mean My wife said it was

Well we were watching that show The Studio Oh yeah Seth Rogans Where they were making a movie about Kool-Aid And they have a whole episode About how Kool-Aid is for black people And I said, what?

I drank a shitload of Like I lived on Kool-Aid when I was a kid And she goes, well you must have been poor then And I said, how does that? And the very next scene on television, they said, I thought it was for poor people. If you were poor, you had Flavorade. That's what, man. Coolid was a name right.

I remember Flavorade thinking I was better than that. You look at Flavorade and you go, you're a fucking bum. You're a fucking goddamn crumb bum fucking street gutter. I said, there's no fucking way. Coolade was for black people. I was drinking that. But that's how they all got the sugar, dude. So we did a, I did a deep dive into it.

Yeah, that's why Kool-Aid pineapple. coming back was like the whole resurgence of it. I guess so. I didn't know that. Sciop of it. So did you know that the Jonestown shit was like, was like 80% black people? Yep. I didn't know that either.

That's why they used. Yeah. And they would drink it. Yeah. We'll see. And then it was like down in Ecuador or something. They lured all these black people down to South America and then murdered him with Kool-Aid.

It's the funniest. Like you could have just done that in Atlanta or anywhere. It was way more. I didn't remember any of that stuff. Dude, oh, yeah. Well, and it's like, again, like, if Jim Jones would have lived long enough to see the pineapple craze, too, he could have fucking did serious numbers. It's way weirder. I thought it was just some nice white people drinking and killing themselves.

It was, like, it was like a black, like, oh, it was weird. Colonel Kurtz kind of cult. Now, if you were from a respectable white family, you got Crystal Light. Yeah, we never had that. Oh, see. man I still I really fucked up my day no I'll still pick up some crystal light

from time to time and go man that tastes like my childhood never I had crystal light one time I think it's somebody's grandma's house I was like wow that's good it's fucking good how come we don't ever have this dude crystal light when you make it a little strong it's like this should be illegal dude I probably had 5,000 Kool-Aid points

you were Kool-Aid in the gang over here oh my God how did you not I saw that on TV. I don't know. That's good. I don't know how you're supposed to know.

That's why Chappelle's talking about. It was always like in the Jerry Curl department. Yeah. But grape drink was Kool-Aid? Yeah. I thought grape drink was separate. It's a grape drink on the package, yeah. That's Kool-Aid?

Yeah. Because it doesn't, it can't, they can't call it juice. It's grape-flavored drink or like grape drink or whatever. That's like. It came in the packets, though. Yeah. That's that, mm-hmm. Man.

Dude, your dad. fucking robbed you. My dad wasn't involved in that decision. Oh. That was my mom. Okay. Well,

your mom's very nice. So that's okay. Like this little end? Yeah, she's like, you want to act like that? I'll treat you like that. Have some Kool-Aid.

Flavarade sucked. It didn't have any kind of die on it. Flavade was like. Coolade man was cool. I was over at my friend's house as a kid and I saw Flavorade in there. I was like,

you know what? Like, how about you come over to my house for dinner? You don't, you don't go to live like this. man. It's too bad that guy killed himself. At least without knowing the...

What's the American dream, man? Get money for nothing. Get money to be bad at what you do. That's the better... What I do is copying. It's like sociology. Who gives a shit? Since what did anyone care about

our current culture? Because all we do is be like, look at how great the past was. Jolat and his room. minutes in and this is the top 10 episode. Thanks buddy. Ha ha ha ha. The gentleman's sausage. Mostly I eat chicken, not counting a vegetable. Any seasoning or anything. It's about $25 or two days, for two days meals. The cost of getting a burrito taxi two days a row is marginally higher than cooking for yourself. Okay. There's the cost of everything that's gone up. It's all too expensive. You can save $3,000 a year cooking for yourself and with compounding interest at a high enough rate,

you could have a whopping $150,000,000 in 20 years. Wow. And then $246, that'll be enough to buy you one day pass to skip your turn getting ass raped by robots. Yeah, they're going to power, ass rape will power the data centers of the future. Move. At Chipotle, if you order the burrito,

people are really passionate about the burritos. It Chipotle, if you order a single taco with veggies and rice and beans on the side with a side tortilla, you can build your own burrito for four bucks. That's what I want to do. Go to Chipotle and find a way to get the cheapest. Building your own shit at a place where some asshole is supposed to build it for you? Just give me napkins.

Maybe there's a burrito in the garbage I could eat. You see that video years ago of that drunk sports announcer at Denny's? And he's sitting there and he's like, fucking out to space. And people behind him are filming him. But he just eats a fucking napkin right off of his plate. I think about that sometimes. He actually quit drinking because of that video. All right.

He did? Yeah, he had to make a whole big statement about it. Yeah. I think he got fired from the network and then it was like, you know, I saw myself. This is a song from J.D. Mankowitz and I don't do some voicemails. Let's see what people got.

Thanks for listening. Everybody, patreon.com slash the dick show. We'll see you next whenever. Somebody turn the air on, didn't they? Is that working? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

It's AI. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, damn. Thanks for the snacks. Retards always after him. He can never electing all the gems. I can't listen to AI.

But maybe people like it. It's raping my ears. It's raping my ears. AI music always sounds like You know, like Disney They do the water screen The what? They'll spray like a bunch of water in air

And then like project like a video onto it Oh yeah It just sounds like a I appreciate it I appreciate it I appreciate it I can't I just can't do AI

I can't Look man I gotta hear bad music for a living Sammy you sing it Yeah, you sing it. You put some heart into it. Yeah, come on, man. Show us what you got. Come on.

I can't do the computer. I have enough of the computer. Yeah, all right. Let's see. Let's hear some voicemails. I can't remember if I was listening to an old episode or if you talked about this recently. But that cheersing, clinking of the glasses thing, it hit me like a flashbang. I was shopping with my wife and like a homegoers or whatever the fuck.

and on one of those shitty $20 hang-up pictures, whatever, it was like a fake newspaper and a head I read, here it turns out clink, clink is like therapeutic or whatever, and I'm just like eating therapy for them. Women love that shit. That's insane. And so just as per usual, I'm reminded about how fucking right you are all the time.

It just sneaks into my life every second. So hand jobs for Johnny Dick or fuck yourself. Man. That was a great call. I don't know. There's just like a system of, there's like a vocabulary that people develop and they have to compulsively exercise it

and demonstrate that they're familiar with it. It just drives me. You see it. If it annoys you then, you're fucked. Because you see it everywhere. You know how like when people, like every, every amateur writer does this where they like,

when they write, they try to sound smarter or different than themselves. Yeah. Now it just sounds like you being fucking retarded. Yeah. But then it's like, um, it's like, just make the point. Middle-aged women writing like an everyone-clapped story.

Mm-hmm. And then like... And then wouldn't you believe it? Look at this. It's like a fucking tear away, like a Kathy office comic, which I thought she always had fangs for the longest time. Kathy?

Yeah. She did. She was a vampire. It's a little known part of the Kathy cartoon. She's an energy. vampire? Maybe you can help me with this. What's up with misgendering

fictional characters, specifically ones that don't have assigned genders? Video game, great example, has player characters, you know, the Mario. Mario's fat Italian plumber guy,

right? What if it's just like a sexually ambidexia? for his character. Right? There's always a fan canon idea of what they are. Some people get so bent out of shape.

Yeah. If you identify them as This guy wants Mario to be a woman. What is Mario coming over to fucking cry about getting pumped and dumped? What are you talking about? Mario's a man.

Yeah. The only thing that's missing from Mario is smoking cigarettes and swearing. He's a fucking plumber with a big mustache. He's a bro. Yeah. Mario brother. He should be black. You're right.

He's black, if anything. Definitely had a woman. Mario. He's like the collectively agreed fan canon or something outside of the game or the movie or the book or whatever. What? Is it really just signaling that you're such an act? ally to freak out over that and to go after other people? Is that all that they're doing?

Or are they just such control freaks that people need to attack you over this nonsense? So who did you misgender? I don't get it. Is this a part of human experience? Tell me what happened. Don't tell me like what if something happened to somebody. This happened to him. Yeah.

Someone misgendered a character for this guy. Retarded all of the time. And he, wait, he misgendered a character. or somebody did it and he's upset about it. Oh, probably somebody. Or he's upset that people are misgendering characters. Him, oh, right. Huh?

Or can we just enjoy enjoy the book in our own way? No, Mario is not a book. He wants to enjoy the book in his own way. This is a fucking... What are you talking about books? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, tone. What are you talking about books?

A lot of money in the... those fucking things. Oh, really? Oh, I don't know. Explain this. What is the deal? Why do I have to... This is the deal with airline? What's the deal with airline books? Because they don't have a specific... You can't fly in them.

What's going on here? You can't read an airplane. What are you talking about? Misgenering books. Talk about something gross. Bring back fart, Dad. I miss poop, Dad. Nick, I just saw that you beat Maddox in Twitter subscriptions.

Yeah, followers, yeah. Because of that post, I went and checked Maddox's Twitter, which I have not in a long time, and saw his pinned June 13th, 2024. I can finally announce this my own animated show, the Encyclopedia of Manliness. For reference, the day. now is August 14th, 2006. That guy, man.

So it's been two years and the show is not out yet. The completed show, which he earns the rights back to, is not out yet. Where is it? So, I don't even know what the hold up on that one could be.

I don't know. that's the show where all things you work on go to die yeah you go there project grinding halt god i want i want like i want maddox content so bad i just i just wanted he had such a he had such a unique experience of internet fame and then catastrophic loss and he has not he has not capitalized on the loss part. He's not shared his experience on the loss, and I want to hear it so bad. It's the,

yeah, I want to see, like, the admin, like, documentary, like, behind, like... I just want his take on... I want to hear the cope, man. Well, and that's the thing is he could never fully wrap it, or wrap his brain around the fact that he was a one-hit wonder, dude. He had his page and he had his book for... Like, he got hired than Pepsi.

there's so many specific things. Like what happened? There's so many ways. There's so many ways to make stupid decisions. Like, what happened with the show? Okay, what did you think? What did you think? When you made this tweet, what was happening and what did you think was going to happen? And then what happened? Like, I want to, I want to hear the play-by-play from someone who's so fucked up.

But I don't get it. We never get, I'll never get it. It's so frustrating. We need like to get back style documentary about it. He's just got to get on Twitch more, man. He's got to tell us what it's about. We gotta wait till you guys are fucking like extremely old and then do like a reunion live show.

Yeah. You're like... Some nursing home robot is going to get the whole... Some Filipino nursing robot. Filipino robot is going to get this the whole dump of what happened. And none of us are going to get to hear it. Hey Dick, hey Johnny Currently stuck in traffic

So I figured I'd call him with a rage Actually I've got two of them I'll make them snappy First one Lysol wipes Any kind of wipes that have the little sinker That you gotta stick the wipes through They never stay in there

Pull one out and you just have to take the whole damn top off So that makes me a rage Second one Frozen pizza toppings They're always on one side just pisses me off. Just stick with... You gotta do one.

Have a good rest of the day. Pick one. Pick one. Expand on it, but I do agree with both of those because the thing with the frozen pizza toppings is then when you try and reorganize them, then it leaves like the frozen dense and all your shit.

And you've got to like pick it out with a fucking knife because they don't just come up. Cheap asshole. It was so easy for them to fall off the fucking thing, but not to put back on correctly. Yeah. You got to just put your own stuff on. Well, that's why I started to make your own pizza.

well, I do that and it's great. Hey, Dick and Johnny. It's your old pal Android Sunrise. I was looking at your most recent episode. And it seems to me that every time your kid is having a hard time, you take him in the bathroom and he takes a shit. Maybe he has to take a shit all the time. Maybe he's got like fucking IBS or something.

The days that he's having a bad day, you just end up being the one that takes him because wife is losing their mind, and then he shits. Now, he might not fix the problem. So I guess if he doesn't get better at every shit. His parenting advice. I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe your kid needs to poop. Anyway, food for thought.

Thanks. That's not, 20% of my day doesn't revolve around. How do we make this kid poop? How do we get the poops coming out? Yeah, my guts hurt all the time because I'm kidding. kick it not because I need to poop. Yeah. I'll sit him down.

Like, hey, why not just poop? He knows all those words. Yeah. It's like a totally fucking mature system. He's got going on in there. I'm sure we know fucking, what are you talking about? You just got to sit on this thing, man, and just...

You think there's like a button of a ring? I got to pull on his back. You got a rip start with a lawnmower, yeah. I got to pull the stopper out so all the shit can get out. Thanks for your fucking... What is the advice exactly? Exactly. Poop?

This guy just wanted to There, I'm using all my fucking brain power to make you poop right now. Yeah. I'm doing it too. I'm the fucking magical poop Magneto.

Vito wants us to record voicemails. Record them, dick, not call in while I'm driving and pissed off in the moment. He wants me to sit down at my computer

or on my phone and open an app and save an MP3 and attach it to a fucking email and then click since fuck you Vito you fat piece of shit man that is

supremely disappointing Vito said to email him voicemails to play on the show cowardly behavior well I mean it's just not the way people work like you're going to sit there you're going to record it

send a fax with what your comment is going to be too and then you're going to copy the file over put it in an email find the address like these are all things that will make you realize what you've recorded was embarrassing and you won't send it. You'll only get like the most you'll only get the most obnoxious tryhards

that have no self-awareness at all. And it's still going to sound like that too. No, it'll sound perfect. That will make it even more embarrassing. You'll get you'll get perfectly sounding recordings of people who were confident that this was the right idea when it's stupid. It's totally stupid. It's totally

stupid to call a voicemail and say something, but when you're on the phone, it's too late. You can't take it back. He's self-selected for people like him. I'm going to get the only, I only want people who have no self-awareness to call in, and the quality of it will make it more embarrassing. It's just, I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have done any of these things. I would have just said, a month before the show ended, take the deal, say you're doing it with Billy. So let's spend a month hyping it up, and then you guys can do it together. You know, there's something there. Um, the only, the only, the only reason to rotate co-host is to, one, keep all the money, because I mean, I assume he's not paying them yet,

which is crazy. Uh, number two, take all the heat off you. If you're rotating, which is what I did when I started this show is I'll just have people rotate in and then people focus on them. Yeah. And not me. Um, but, you know, it's not my show. So, what do I care? Dude, it's going to be a nice winter this year because you got all these toys to burn. Keep the house for it. Hey, Dick, hey, Johnny. Got something that makes me a rage or that pisses me off. Podcast Propvary, your only spirit is making it through me.

It's Wednesday, the 12th, and... Like this guy, you know. That 1033 or whatever time it would be for you guys. We were supposed to lose gravity for seven and a half seconds. What? And I'm really fucking... upset it didn't happen. Wait, what?

Mainly because three or whatever time it would be for you guys. Gravity for seven and a half seconds. And I'm really fucking upset. It didn't happen. Mainly because female co-worker

and I were joking about it and any hoodles that came up that like, you know, well, if it happened, you and me are going out with a bang.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. And you know, you're not somebody I would really pursue. This guy's, fucking menace. Let's just say she's like a real world like four and a half, five

and like gravity going out? Crunch those numbers how you will. Thank you, fuck you, bye. Love you. Podcast profit. You got to spend less time at the bus stop. Talking to yourself.

How many women do you have to ask? How many women would you have to ask if gravity can stop working to get a maybe? one or two? Yeah. I would say zero.

Two max. You'd have to ask two. Immediate. To get a, well, maybe. Yeah. How many men? I think you could ask every man on the planet if gravity's going to stop working.

This guy fucking unbelievable. Dick, I almost just had a fucking heart attack. I was driving home. On this four-lane road, there's this train track

that I've crossed over for the last eight years. with never seeing a fucking train. There's no gates on the train signal. It's just lights and bells. But I've seen the lights and bells go on, but they were just doing testing, so I never saw a fucking train on there. I was driving back.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you saw lights and bells on the train warning, and you assumed it was a test? Man. What do I fucking see? No lights, no bells. don't think anything about it because those other cars are fucking driving over

and then get up all up to the train tracks going about 40 miles an hour or do I see a fucking train there's no bell shit scared the shit out of me luckily it would stop

then the lights and bells went on after I fucking crossed over you saw a stopped train and shit his pants over that okay that you're gonna shit your asshole inside out when you see a moving one. Johnny's brain wrong.

Well, on that high note, um, ladies and gentlemen, the nightmare machine is working very well today. Let's see here. Jesus. We didn't plan this,

but Aurora Rose, aka Rosie, was born at Disneyland. Ugh, this grandma, just had a baby at Disneyland? Well, it's a

reborn baby. Oh, it's a fucking doll. At least I die. And so she's seeing it for the first time at Disneyland. Wow. I would actually fucking shotgun shampoo myself if I was at Disneyland. You see what I mean about prison? Like, if you locked this woman up for doing this,

which she should, this is antisocial. Oh, my God. She wouldn't care. No. She'd come out in 50 years. Say, where are my rocks? Because that's your baby. Wow.

And there's a real little kid over there, too. That's fucking insane. Like, it's... She didn't come out this way. She didn't come out wanting to pretend bits of plastic are real. That's the part I try not to think about.

I'm like, what? It's so fucking wrong in your life that you ended up here. And then I see how she's treating this baby. And I'm like, it can be cured. with like, you know, shouting. Yeah.

It's just that she's not hot enough for anyone to make that commitment. That's what it is, man. That's really the issue. Yeah, shouting will fix a lot of things. Shouting could easily fix this. The problem is no man will do it because she's,

because she's decrepit and disgusting. Yeah. Just unfathomable. This is a, this is an extreme mental illness. Yeah. Yeah. And it's happening at Disneyland. Well, Disneyland shouldn't be allowing this shit.

They should just make it a one-way ticket. If you go to Disneyland, you're not allowed back out. They should have armed guards wearing swastikas, armbands, coming out and escorting people like this out of the park. Like the woman that was obsessed with Peter Pan, all like the stalkers in there. And then they could say it's these goddamn Nazis. You know, these Nazis. They're taking over the park.

It's the bad guys. They could have Captain Hook. These are the bad guys. These are the fucking bad guys right here. So imagine you're taking your family there for $2,000, whatever it costs, and you've got to see this fucking derelict, opening a cabbage patch doll and... And crying.

Menopauseing all over the place and crying. It's fucking sickening, man. Sick. Sick. These people are fucked. And that, well, speaking to sick, Dude, I found a new divorced dad She said I'm gonna die

Alright Not soon enough apparently So here's a new divorced dad for everyone Is this a man? A fat man Swearing a dress MTF I love that the phrase MTF exists

Like oh yeah no shit Wow. I'm really... It's just like, man, they really need like an internet literacy test of like, hey, do you, would you in earnest ever type any of these things? Yeah? You're getting killed. Well, I better... How am I going to let people know that I'm a man dressing as a woman?

If I'm posting this shit online, how am I going to, how is everyone going to know that I'm secretly a man in skies. Well, again. Looks like a fat Dalai Lama wearing a same outfit

actually. You know, wearing a fat woman's Mexican woman's dress. It's insane to me, man.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Not enough. It was just like really not enough. This guy was being you know, raped by aliens

or concrete blocks were being thrown at them, barrels on, from on top of a skyscraper. he wouldn't be at time for this

that kind of stuff other Uncle Fester It's crazy Ant Fester Going up Antifester is here That's right MTF

Yeah we got it Fester We fucking We got it Mailed to Fester Mail to Fester Auntie Fester is so fucking crazy

Mail to Fester You know Uncle Fester put on that wig and Adam's family too? Remember that one? Yeah. That movie sucked. Dude.

Mail to Fester. Calling someone anti-Festor is so... That would get you assaulted. By a fester. Look at these festers. And they're out of your festering around? I'm calling them all festeres from now on. Fester's quest.

Fester the molester. This guy's on Fester's quest right now. What did Fester do? You put a light bulb in his mouth. Put a dress on. And post it on Instagram about it. That is what Fester would be doing. Putting a fucking dress on.

Posting on his, well, Oh. Yeah, just be. There I am. Feeling cute. Might delete. Yeah, might delete later. Oh my God.

Fester ass. Motherfug. Fucking Fester's, man. Mail to Fester. The pipeline is real. Fuck. Cross dresser. Oh, you don't say.

Sam, wearing a salmon-colored dress with four-inch white heels. Yeah, we can see that. Women don't do that when they're posting. That's not how they describe their outfits. Red. No. Festerly. Red dress.

Oh, fester-assar-ass. He wore his red dress festerly. He's festering over there. Where's the wig? That's why he was rocking the... Currently he's uncle fester, but it's when the wig comes out. Oh, he's going to put that on?

Yeah, let's see. Well, I don't even think there is a wig in this one. It's just like... He looks like the guy from the W.E.F. I thought this guy from Great British Bake Off for a sec. Carl Strauss Carl Strauss the Brewer Carl Strauss the Brewer

What the fuck dude? Yeah This is your fucking glamour shop, bro? Such fucking crazy The shirtless, you've seen the traps And the fucking photos Insane

All right, man But yeah, so that one was pretty bad So this one is I call this one Checkmate, Atheists Oh, another one Investoring? A lot of right-wing influencers seem to be really angry that a black woman is playing Helen of Troy in the New Odyssey movie, and they are great to be angry.

After all, the ancient Greeks never would have let a woman play Helen of Troy in their theaters. A lot of right-wing influencers seem to... What kind of lens is this, man? It's fucking dilating space-time. Look at this. Look at this shit. Fucking walls are crooked, man. That's like when you're sitting in the chair about to get eaten or murdered.

It's got a fish-eye fucking lens. She's so fat. Shot in IMAX. Wow. She's got like a big screen TV lens on her phone. All right. Yeah. And then this last one, this is the African fitness program.

I don't know if you're ready for this one, Dick. Okay. Where are her legs? It's a woman riding a black woman riding a bike. But she's got no legs. Oh, I see them. Wait, what? Yeah, some asshole crank the pedal and spun it around,

and she's making it look like she's fucking riding the bike. Hey, a little bit of cripple humor, you know? You have to laugh or else you're a bad person. Right. That's how works. There's multiple videos we're doing this, too. I'm glad it's not made. What else does she got?

Chihuamancho She's got a lot of videos of her riding a bicycle With no legs She's working her way up Man Absolutely no legs And she's doing a Like a lat

Whatever that thing is Trap pull I don't know One of those That weird one But man That'd be hard to do Even with legs

Yeah Is she gonna play some drums With her arms She can play with her feet She just posts the same video of her pretending to ride a stationary bicycle with no legs over and over and over. It's a good bit. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Dude, she is.

Wait, she got legs here? Is that her? No, that's somebody else. Yeah, I was there. Yeah, here's her. Okay, well. Dude, she's... Okay, another woman is doing a bench press.

another woman with legs. And she's like sitting like she's coming out of the ground like the Philadelphia experiment next to the woman encouraging her. She looks like when you and your friends sign into a online game at the same time

and her map didn't load yet. Stuck at the floor. This would not help me do bench press. No. Well, she's going to take that legs off of her. Somebody fused into the deck. Well, I'm trying to do bench. Would not help.

She should at least be sitting on the bar. or like also be hanging from the bar while she's bench pressing. Okay, this is funny. Now she's doing pull-ups. I mean, I guess. Yeah, great. I mean, dude, what? What happened here?

Oh, she just drops down on her stumps. And she has no legs at all. You could say she's been stumped. Yeah. she really is stumped uh okay all right well yeah well and that it's all about her working out and having no legs that'd be hard to work out with no legs well dick if you want to lose a lot of weight fast just cut off your legs yeah i might need to do that uh i look so bad in those pictures man you know she's going to just

that's all she's going to have saved in her phone it's like a big T-Rex great shot and I just look so fucking fat eventually when you die early we're going to get the funniest coffee table book and you're going to go be looking up from hell

going god fucking damn it I'm going to delete all my I'm going to have AI go delete all the pictures I look fat on there's a big delete account button have Claude be like My heart rate monitor stops Just Immediately destroy all fat pictures of me

Immediately run A-I filter on all of them All right Goodbye everybody See ya