The Dick Show - Episode 521 - Dick on Drowning

Episode Date: August 23, 2026

Fat b***h quantum entanglement, Postpartum depression, a special breakfast, Chungus Man and the Masters of Reddit, washing feet at Dunkin Donuts, some caller advice on not drowning, GTA 6 leaks, immigrant pamphlets in the UK, and Orange Julius; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

My shit's defragging, man. It could take all day. You don't all me running around with a fragged computer. Yeah, it was an undefragged computer. I can't process my data or your data. As you're typing, it's fragging your computer. Fucking fracking your data as it comes in, man. Data fragmerers are fucking...

Fragmenting. That's what it means. Yes. Your fucking data's all fragmented, bro. You don't want that, right? It seems darker in here for some reason. Ah, whatever. Who fucking cares? It's the evil spirit. looming on us. Doesn't matter if I'm

fucking shadowed or not. The lighting doesn't matter. Why did I ever bother with lighting in here? Why don't I just have like like it should look like a dingy old illegal poker room or something in the back here?

Like a cloud of smoke and one light bulb hanging like an interrogation. We need one of those film set lights. Takes like a fucking generator to run. Just the whole time we're like looking away. Squinting. I put a generator right on top of my neighbor's head.

I'll run that the whole time the show's going. For the one light bulb in here, like clockwork orange. I'm going to be spinning, no, Soiling Green. I'm going to be spinning on a peloton like Ernest Borgnine, powering it up. What people can't see is we have the little foot things under the desk so we can peddle our feet. The glibble glop machine from Rick and Morty's.

For the fat people who think they're doing something at their desk. Oh, man. You know what I noticed about the Lindsay Clancy protesters? Oh, what? not there's not one of them under 200 pounds oh yeah said oh i see why you're mad maybe i'll just start with that i got a lot of other stuff to talk about this week but i got no paper i had a week to get new paper i got none i tried printing on my fucking uh covid cardstock for my covid fake covid passports immediate printer jam i said i just threw

it over the deck i got old pile of dead printers like an elephant graveyard down at the bottom of the over the deck. Is this fucking going or what? Dude, that's something no one talks about is, you know, how, like, ink cartridges are like where they get you. Yeah, that's what they get you. But it's also big paper in there causing jams so that you fucking have to crumple up. Like, you waste, like, at least a third... My printer prints with semen. Does yours, do you know, does yours do that? It does. That's why I'm looking so sickly these days. I don't want to pay, man. Did I fuck up Vimeo again? Can you hear this?

I can. Okay, good. That works. I guess I fucked up Vimeo again. God damn it. Look, it's not here. I put the shit in. It's not here. It must be going to someone else's Vimeo. Whatever, I'll upload it afterwards. Not one under 200 pounds. Postpartum depression really hits women hard. The harder the fatter they are. Did you know that? Postpartum depression is real, even though it can't be measured in any kind of... A lot of things that affects women defy science. They're undetectable to our man's mom. modern science. Postpartum depression, being a huge whore, all these things are totally undetectable, gaining weight, calories in, calories out, all of these women problems totally defy man's laws of science. Well, it's because they're using the wrong measurement. You can't measure

postpartum depression feelings, which you measure is weight and finance. Women's molecules numbers. They go a different way. There's like a quantum spin on their foam. Their quantum foam is covered with grease. It goes the wrong way. It's undetectable to our manly modern science. Postpartum de brass you think, let's fucking, let's measure it.

And when women hear that, when the molecules that are in women hear something like, let's measure it, they're gone. You can't detect them. It's like quantum fucking dynamics, bro. Particle or a wave? Is a woman a particle or? or a fat bitch. Is this fat bitch a particle or a wave? It's undetectable. If you have two fat bitches, if you have two fat bitches and you entangle them and take them to opposite sides of the universe, and then you measure if one is a fat or a bitch on one side of the universe, instantly

at the other side of the universe, the other one will become the opposite. Flip states immediately, yeah. So if you measure one as fat, the other one will instantly become a bitch. Now, the problem is you can't communicate to the other measuring party what you measured. So there's no way to communicate information. She'll just start acting like a bitch and he'll say, whoa, I got to calm this bitch down before I do my fucking quantum female

electrodynamics fucking measuring over here. I got to water this bitch before I get to my science. All she can detect is that a measurement is happening. At some point in the universe a woman was attempted to be measured and they all start freaking out, fatting up the place, bitching

all over each other. Presenting. You get it? This is my science humor. Like Rick and Morty. I had a bad fucking week, man. I'll tell you that. Look at a dick.

You want Dick, you need Dick, you love Dick. You got it. It's the show where we're having the contest. It's coming to you live from Mount Bunker. Deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your host Dick Madison. I should have darkened this place. I asked Mad Cucks for help lighting this.

I don't know why. I think I was fooling And he did give me this great lighting advice And the lighting looks great But what the fuck am I lighting? Me For 10 years What's the point of that?

We should just do in the dark We should do it in the dark Buhba don't we do it in the dark Hmm God my son's been sick all week This cool guy man Oh he's got some Shit, she's got some foam shitting disease

I don't know what it is He also drinks IPA too I also have that same foam shitting disease That's so crazy He must have got my boy got into the IPAs I guess Yeah

Like father like son man His mom's like can you hell He's shitting his brains out I was like yeah I popped the diaper open I said whoa you get into the goose My boy Did you get into the goose island IPAs Because this looks like daddy shit

It looks like you just shit an orange Julius. It looks like you shit an extra large orange Julius. And then what do you know? 10 seconds after the diaper gets put on, shits another extra large orange Julius. Same amount of orange Julius. You know how fucking annoying it is?

Knowing that my diaper's like 80 cents when he's shitting. And each time he shits thrice. So it's like, you know how you sneeze? And some people are double sneezers, right? He's like a 3x shitter. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shi, shi-quh-quh. Just be grateful.

It's orange Julius and not like us with cherry Julius. Fucking orange. I don't ever want to drink an orange Julius again. Like, man, you fucked up Orange Julius for me. A news babe was going to come in. And she got wage-capped. She got Wage-Capped monster got her last night. She got Orange Julius.

She got Orange Julius. The Orange Julius monster fucking crawled out of the sink. Well, Orange Julius himself. It's like Monoson. The black guy. Yeah, Orange Julius. Uh-oh. If you look in the mirror and, you know, close your eyes and say, oh, no,

Julius. Come out of the mirror and bust your ass. I want to see Orange Julius get in a fight with the Jolly Green Giant. Orange Julius? Is that AI guy that makes his stupid pun sports guys will make an Orange Julius for us? I hope so. I got to see what that guy says. He'll make him an actual orange, though.

Yeah. I'm just so, I'm done having ideas because as soon as you tell them someone, they just queer, they fuck it up. You know, hey, I got this horror movie, Orange Julius, like a black pen. He's like, what if he's just an orange? Get out of here. Kill yourself. Orange Julius Caesar, dude.

Next time I might tell someone an idea and they changed it a little bit. I'm going to shoot him in the fucking head like Matt Damon and Dogma. That's why I have to yell at my assistance whole day. I'm like, no, that's not it. It's not what we're doing here. You made it not funny. Don't you ever do what I wasn't thinking? Yeah.

Ever again. I understand why Steve Jobs was a fucking higher. He's my fucking hero, man. Dude. From day one, when I heard he was the biggest asshole and I was like, yeah, that's, well, I better start doing that then. And the fact that he said,

I'm going to not listen to anyone so hard, I'm going to die about it. I'm like, yeah. I also understand that. I hate to say it, but I... I'll show you, Doc. I'm dead. Yeah.

What do you like? I bet you would have loved to have been the guy, the doctor that cured Steve Jobs easily curable cancer, wouldn't you? I bet you would have just loved to write a fucking book about how I'm the doctor who saved him.

Steve Jobs' easily curable cancer and saved his life. But guess what? I'm gonna just drink fruit juice and stick a thumb up my ass, and I'm dead now. And no one will know your name. How about that, doctor? He's like, you guys want to see what Apple looks like when it sucks? He's like, I'll never understand that and dies. How would you like to see your precious little phone run by a homosexual?

Well, now who has cancer? Huh? When he dies of AIDS, it won't be so funny that I had cancer. man, I got green sauce from a Mexican burrito man

I go to the store to pick up some pediolite or whatever which is a lie you know what you should do when your baby gets sick nothing

don't worry about it just ignore it you know change the poop that's it don't worry about it the pedialite shit it's just for hungover people prostitutes I don't think yeah

no point I go get some pediolite. I say I'm going to pick myself up a nice 9.30 a.m. Carni-a-a-m. Carni-sada burrito in the morning to pick up my spirits after this fucking poop festival, puke festival weekend. Oh my God. Hold on. I got to start making a list here. What have I been talking about?

Mexico. Orange Julius? Orange Julius. Speaking of fucking puke. This morning. I, we're terrified of him losing weight or whatever because everyone says, you know, As long as he's not losing weight, he's okay. But they never say, like, what is he's not okay?

What are you going to take him back to the fucking baby sore? What are you? So I'm trying to, like, we're trying to, like, feed him, right? You got to eat this egg. He goes, no. So we're trying to, like, sweeten the deal. Like, what if it was, I don't know, two eggs? How about that?

What if it's just a bunch of yolk all over this egg? How about that? And eventually got him to take, the second time we've done this. We got him to take a bite, and he immediately goes, Buh! Immediately, like, projectile fucking vomits. like the exorcist. So,

first time he did this was Thursday night at about 555. Like, okay, well, another win for the toe. I'm so glad I don't have to do a show right now. Second time was this morning. So you got to disassemble the, I got to disassemble the high chair

and all the shit. And I act like I'm doing hard stuff, even though my wife's the one like we're rinsing him off and stuff, doing all the shitty stuff. So I'm soaking up all the pews. before the dog gets to it, you know? Yeah, she loves it. Oh, God.

She's like, she's like, jackpot. She busts in like the Kool-Aid man. Every time there's puke. Boom! It was like a fucking outline. Fat dog on the wall. Licking up the vomit. So we try to give him some nice eggs, you know, toast.

Mom's making him. He gets more breakfast than I've ever had in my fucking life. Well, actually, probably until the day I moved out, that was the end of breakfast for me. My parents' house. So, she's like, all right, I'm going to go take him in the shower. Rinse them off. You know, you deal with taking the high trip part again for the second time this week.

I see, yeah, no problem. You got to feed the little fucking straps through. Take all the stuff out. Take all the stuff out, and clip all the clips. I don't know why it's assembled like this. How many times you need to snap a cover down on a piece of plastic the baby's sitting on? Whatever. Chinese piece of shit is.

Because the Chinese kids are so clever. They're taking it apart. You know, I'm sitting there. So I take it all down, get to vomit up, get the dog out. Get the dog out. Elbow the chicken wing of the dog. Keep her away while I'm cleaning it up. Now go down.

Laundry room, dump it all in laundry. Fucking flip it on. There already was a comforter in there because my wife was like, oh, I got this new comforter thing. So why? Why'd you even have to buy that? Because our comforter was disgusting.

Had jizz stains all over. It's like, okay. Jizz, how do you know? Come on. That's going to be any kind of stains. Chili stains. Chili stains. She's like, I had to get a comforter.

I had to get a cover for it. So I said, okay. So I sat the baby down on it, test it out. He immediately threw up on that. Like, ah, ha. All right, anyway, comfort and covers in there.

I drop all the shit in there. And I go back upstairs, and I hear them in the bath downstairs. I'm like, all right, I'm just going to kind of sit here and zone out. I'm like just Lindsay Clancy this for a second up here. And I reach into his little plate and grab one of his eggs, you know, because he's got this amazing meal to try to tempt him into eating while he's sick.

I'm like, oh yeah, I grab one of the eggs. He eat it, grab another one and eat it. I grab the toast and I put it up to my mouth. And I'm like, huh, that doesn't smell quite right. And I look down and it is a full fucking spread of puke that looks like congenie. healed milk and orange

shoe feed you have barf on a shingle I said you got it fucking kidding all right put that down

in the back on the plate the rest of the eggs cocaine you didn't add your own barf I got a real I got a real good stomach

I guess because I'm just I had all the life you know, beaten out of me. But my point of the newsgirl cancelling, I was like, thank, I'm up there dealing in like a river of, I'm up

there, it's, I mean, it smells like India. It smells like the Ganges. Yeah. Up there, because it's like three shitter. Three shitter never quitter. Fucking throw up, man. It smells like this, just toxic blend. It smells like a frat house

just minus the beer. Minus the stale smell of beer. Which I didn't think I could ever identify. Anyway, I was driving to the target To get some pediolite At some point between Vomitings

And I pick up a burrito A burrito to give myself a little pep And he goes, you want red sauce or green? I thought, you know what? Man, that's so nice of you. No one's ever asked, they always give me the red. I don't know why. Maybe having a going out of business red sale or something Everyone hates the red, except for maybe Mexicans.

I don't understand why. It's like the hottest thing in the fucking sun. know why red's the best dude you fucking piece of shit dude i love the red you fucking piece of shit you fucking asshole the green they're always so stingy with red they'll give me like 10 reds i'm like no i want green and said and they're like here's one thing of green so i get to my car to eat the burrito driving to another store you know i was like these bananas are no good here at this store i got to go honey i got to go to another store you're never going to believe this fucking bananas or dog these bananas are racist at this target i got to

go to the other target. I go to dig into my burrito, right? I'm like, let me get some of this fucking green sauce here on this stoplight, right, that I'm waiting here. I said, hey, where's my green sauce? When I look in the bag and pull it out? It's a fucking

baggie, a non-zip-lock baggie that's tied into a knot full of sauce. Looks like a condom. Full of salsa. I said, this is too far, man. Yeah. No ramekin anymore? These fucking Mexican man I do not want to live in

Mexico the land of Tide I feel like a pastry chef in the car now I bit a hole Yeah In the bottom of the This is the intended This is the intended usage Biting a hole

Yeah Like you're frosting a cake Fucking microplastic maxing over you You're macroplastic I gotta chew it through plastic To get to my Like a rodent Tomitio sauce like a rat

Like a Mexican rat I said this guy's gotta go I called ice. You gotta get rid of this fucking guy. $10 barrito, but still. Yeah, they put drinks and bags down there too. Oh, God. For the bottle deposits.

It's like Indies bigger brother, man. And then they pour it in a bag and then put a rubber band in a straw. And they're like, here's your bag of soda. You can see how God was going around the world, like practicing, making people. Wow, fuck that one up. Let me just give it a spin. Okay, Mexicans next? Yeah, okay.

Indians got a little too weird. I'm going to put them. I'm going to still do the. bag thing, the food in the bag thing, liquid food in the bag thing, this close to eating a toast. Barf on a shingle, dude. That would have been a brand new one. So I can see what these women are protesting about, you know?

Yeah. Totally. Totally understandable. It might not have been so wrong after all. Imagine you're, imagine you got to take care of your kid and you also have to be 230 pounds. You know? Except you're also a woman. Yeah, one of the three is bad enough, right?

One out of three is bad, but three, nah. You just do over, start over. Get rid of it. Just wipe it out, like populace, you know? Got to defrag. Defrag your life. These kids. Defrag the life.

Kids first. Hmm. I saw He-Man, too. That made me rage. Do you went and saw something? No, I saw it on my TV at home. Amazon. Amazon, it's like impossible to find what movies you can watch without paying for them.

It's like somewhere in between like Tooby and Hulu. Yeah. Fucking Jubey. Julu. Have you seen what's on Jube? It's not that. It's not blue and white. It's black and gold.

Every time I go there, I'm like, oh, I finally find something to watch it. It's like, just pay $30 to rent this. I'm like, man, why do I have this? What? Where's the free stuff? I'm already paying Dude That's why I've fucking

I got six CDs Sitting in my car Man I was I was excited to watch He man Skeletor's voice sucked but

Looked kind of funny You can't not Come on man I'm excited You're gonna put Skeletor and something You can't fuck the voice up That's the only reason That should have been a clue man

I should have stayed far far away But I couldn't I was not watching it for so long because I knew it was going to be shitty. Unless he's like really Jamaican, like Billy and Mandy style. Hey, He-Man. Yeah, see, like... Hey!

He-man! He's red, yellow, and green. Fucking sucked, dude. It's like Reddit man. Chungus Man. They should have called it. And they're Reditors of the universe. That's a shame.

The whole movie was like how gay you are for liking He-Man. They were like, Fisto? What a stupid name. I saw Fisto. I'm like, yes, Fisto. He's going to fucking hammer these guys, right? And then the whole movie, it's like, Fisto? Why would you call him Fisto?

That's gay. Fistow should have came through and fucking punched their faces right in half. Yeah. Right? Just head, right off. And then shoves his fist right up their asses. He man? What a gay name.

It's like, bro, does everything have to be like, does everything have to be this self-referential, like, copy of a copy of Seinfeld Reditor Chungus shit Can't you just like embrace what it is? Why is Skeletor called Skeletor then? How come that part's real? How come He-Man is a joke with Skeletor

and Evil Lynn and Beast Man is real? You fucking Lut. You fucking Rediter F-F-F-F-F-F-F! It should have just been the Skellator versus Beast Man's C-K-Y video from back in the day but for like two hours. The whole thing.

chungus man the chungus of the universe chungerino dude fucking sucked man now we gotta wait 20 years for someone to on chungas it

and they're gonna chungus it worse you know what's always fun is you look back at like pre-code Hollywood movies is that the haze code yes okay and they're fucking insane a lot of them are shitty but Like you watch him and you're like, wow, at least someone was like thinking about something. Yeah.

Someone was trying to be entertaining. Yeah, exactly. What's his real name then? If his name's not Fisto, what's his name? Mr. Fistow. Mr. Fistow? Why doesn't he have a name then? If his name's not Fistow, you fucking piece, you stupid piece of shit.

Wasting everyone's time with this shit. Fistographer. Is his real name, but Fistow's just short. That was the whole point of the movie is that you're dumb for liking he, man. Don't watch it. Oh. Okay. What do we have here?

The female OJ, that caught on in a big way this week. We were ahead of it last week. Talking about Lindsay, what's her name? Lindsay Clancy. I got some video I can play right here for you. See how this jam box suits you. Did you say jam? Yeah.

Okay. So they got all these fat women. Look at how fat this bitch is, man. This is a rolling. polly. That is... This one is a tub of shit. Look at that.

This one looks like she fell off of a Harley and into a wig store, because it looks like a man. That actually is Harley, Davidson. This is. Some guys about to hop on this bitch and rev her thumbs.

You remember those street sharks' toys or it was like the... How dare you? I remember. the fucking street sharks. Man, the street sharks. This woman's about to kill her kid right here. A sacrifice.

She should have twisted his head off of mice and men style and drank the blood. And then they're doing I mean, I guess they're doing they have their hands up in a strangling motion. Like this? They have their hands

up. I think they're doing, they're supposed to be doing a heart shape. Do you think they're fat, can articulate that. They can't... They can't bust the sausage casings off of their fingers to make the heart shape properly. So they just end up making a strangulation,

a strangulation symbol for the woman who's on trial for murdering or strangling her kids. Man. They told them, you know, she did it with an exercise band, and they're like, a what band? That's the problem with the jury. Like you say she strangled her kids with exercise band Like a what band?

Like we understand bands Yeah She strangled a kid with like a tuba Like a rock band Like a guitar? You can't strangle some Innocent You can't strangle somebody with a

With a guitar And this is pretty funny I don't know Everyone's really upset about this And I like it I like people of being upset at women That is always pretty good That's a kid getting killed

killed right there in the crowd, screaming out its last breath. It would have been funny if they all went into berserk mode and just started trying to all at the same time, like, kill that girl, like fucking just lose their minds. Like a scanner, like, you know, and they see a human? Yeah, exactly. Look at this. They're wheeling this bitch out in a wheelchair. Look at this one.

Lindsay Clancy. So she's got a million dollars from these retarded whores. I don't know who's the money is. some poor bastard at work while his fat wife is at home either murdering his kids or donating money to a woman who murdered her kids like vicariously

you know oh man I wish I could murder I wish I could murder my kids I'm gonna give her I'm gonna toss her a couple bucks they wheel this bitch out in a wheelchair I don't know why maybe she thinks she's an Indian at an airport is there sound

yes look at this go fund me you see here how it's like her in an AI wheelchair and everybody's looking at her and she's like it's like uh it's funny it's funny that we were right on top of it last

week because my wife said oh I heard your show that you were talking about that woman and I thought uh oh because I had just seen on TikTok somebody's talking about how she's innocent how she's getting like railroaded and all this stuff and I said no she's

guilty that that person's lying um let me see if I got on any other any other cool oh yeah so women are protesting at home too look at this uh

this is a woman uh exhibiting her her fury they're taking ice cubes into the bathroom I think we covered a similar thing to this before and

when I see words that emotionally regulate you know in other therapy Related words. Therapy words. I give a big old check out. No thanks. It's like you shouldn't be filming this then. Like you're just doing this much like every other

fat woman. This is a commercial for you. This is just an ad. To subscribe to you. That you've been doing in real life, your whole life. I want to see like a shitty Photoshop where it's just like frame by frame. It's just like a baby's face instead of ice cubes. Not even like a good like AI. Like

you know, where it's too... It's just like, I want to see just the shitty version. Oh, man. You got a choice. Buy clothes online or throw some ice cubes. Oh, the ice cube pandemic is suddenly not happening anymore.

Something tells me one of those fucking LC-sign Tony guys is out there selling ice makers and buy the fucking boatload now. I think it's funny because guys seem to be, confused or upset by this development of women quote unquote supporting a murderer. But I really think they're getting the wrong read on it.

And that the correct read is at no point does reason or logic or facts enter the mind of these women. If it ever did, it was on the, it was at first blush when they heard someone is getting railroaded. someone is having an unfair experience. Because all they have, and this is for all the confusion, all that women ever have is when they perceive anything, is a victim and oppressor. And whatever they do, whatever they see, any information that they get on top of that is garbage.

If they see someone getting, if they see, you know, there was a migrant at the beach, somewhere, probably Spain, I don't know, some white country. And he was jacking off to the kids. You know, he was like doing, so a bunch of guys went out, so a bunch of guys found him and kicked the shit out of him, right? They should just drown him in the ocean, yeah. That would have been better.

Secretly, somebody taking him out and drowning him. But that's, you know, guys aren't perfect. They like to get together and inflict a beating not to the point of death, which honestly, I mean, honestly, in a lot of ways it's worse than what, so you have a bunch of guys performatively beating up an incurable pedophile

who's violating their boundaries and their kids, and then after that you have a woman, there's a video of it online where a woman comes over and consoles the Somalian the Somalian child predator. They should have beat her up too. Exactly. Exactly.

It's a two, it's two halves of the same coin, really. And it's not suicidal empathy. I see this term getting thrown around a lot. It's not suicidal empathy at all because that would imply that there's anything going on, that there's any sort of empathy going on at all when there isn't.

It's simply a victim oppressor. Oh man, those guys are beating up this other guy. At no point does any sort of consideration of why someone is getting their ass kicked, what this will mean going forward, what this ass beating might do to this person. At least the guys going in and have this kind of retardant. theory that beating this pedophile's ass is going to somehow limit the behavior in the future,

right? At least it's an ethos. At least it's a theory. It's not going to happen, but that's all they see. When women see if the ones that didn't get short-circuited by TikTok into just trusting the, oh, well, she's getting railroaded by the system, the ones that get through, the ones that hear the real story or that hear an opposing story, when they go in, all they see is, well, victim, she's in there. She's a victim of the machine, just like me. and now now is my time to make it about me. Yep. She's on trial because she's not even on trial.

I'm on trial and I'm on trial for resenting my husband, not having, not being able to fulfill multiple destinies at the same time, which is physically and theoretically impossible, having all these, having all these like totally normal and natural and ambiguous and generalized resentments toward my. children and my family that would be psychotic if I didn't have but you know I don't have any way to release these so I'm going to go make a big performative mess of my life and and and and uh protest for myself this is a big parade for me hey everybody gather around it's the fat narcissists it's fat narcissists

on parade and you see that in and you see that at every every single time women are able to have anything that belongs to them like this obvious this cut and dry atrocity of some woman strangling her kids because she's insane or because she had a case of the Mondays, right? You see them line up and do the same fucking thing.

What are you going to say? I was going to say I think it really comes down to were they white kids? Well, if they're white, it's postpartum depression. Women invented postpartum depression for white kids getting killed

and then for a black kids getting killed it's called SIDS. they invented another term Well I was gonna say Two white women are just They're very industrious When it comes to creating Mental infirmities

Infirmaries which infirmities I think The replacement of physical gymnastics With mental ones Oh man You can see that fat bitch That tub of shit on there And doing quite a floor routine And her mental gymnastics

Let me play another one of these videos This is the protest, holding up hand signs Oh yeah, more women in their TikToks, okay Uh-uh, uh-uh-uh, uh-oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a healthier way. Women sobbing. I didn't have postpartum depression,

but I did have whatever this is. This is called? It's just called having an emotional breakdown. like a regular Wednesday for yeah it's crazy that women who get yelled at at work have this same postpartum depression women who don't get yelled at at at work have the women who get honked at in traffic are also subject to this postpartum depression phenomenon because everything in their lives everything in their brain over hundreds of thousands millions of years even is engineered to to deal with kids and kids just beat each other up and do shit for no reason

Because they're trying out their rationality. Well, if you have boy kids, they're trying out their reason and their rationality for the first time. Like, maybe I should just take a crank and hit this other kid. And the answer is no. When women see that, like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't hit that other kid. But then you give them access to a court, immigrants, fucking alloys and such, and it falls apart. You can't beat that child molester? What are you talking about? Why not? Well, I don't know why not.

Like, I don't have, it's not in my brain to think why or why not. I just see violence happening and I have to stop it That's it Straight to the moon Alice I mean that's the funniest shortcut It's like yeah

The reason domestic violence is such an epidemic Because when they see it happening then They're like oh well I guess I deserve it then Can stop it There was a There was a There's a Greek story And this is my point

See all these guys trying to like You know You know what's gotten into these women? and don't they know don't they know what happened that's not that doesn't enter into it you're trying to spend

Disney bucks Caesar's Palace here buddy that's not don't start if you're starting down that path I mean it's on you you are just as stupid it's a

it's a Greek perhaps it happened but you know who really knows it's funny it's funny either way if it's invented it's even funnier

that this was like this was a demonstration of who women were 2,000 years ago. There was a suicide epidemic. I think it was Malay. Malayas. I don't know what the name.

It's a Greek town of young girls committing suicide. Because they would get so much attention. One got so much attention, right? Look at this girl. She's on TV. She's getting all this attention. Everyone's feeling sorry for her because she asked for help and she didn't get it. I've wanted to ask for help too and I didn't get it.

Which is really probably what happened. So all these little girl All these teenage girls Were killing themselves Because one one got attention for doing it Miletus I think And so the parents said This is what

This is a historian The Plutarch said So could be fake Could be real Probably real though So the parents are like Don't kill yourself It's just a TikTok trend

Don't you know Don't kill yourself for that And the girl's like No no no we're got to do it Because I don't know why It's just how it makes sense to our brains. So he said, all right, when you guys start killing yourselves, we're going to

hang your naked bodies up in the town square and everyone's going to make fun of the way your body looks and it vanished. Suicide epidemic was... Funny how that works. Which is even funnier if they made it up because like, oh yeah, they're still doing that. Yeah, they didn't, we didn't figure out a permanent cure for that yet. Man, it's funny how it works. Well, that's a language they understand. Yeah. Oh, they're going to make fun of my body. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I don't think so.

I don't think so, you perverts. Throw a sad dog commercial in there. That's it. That's it. We're going to hang you upside down so we can really get a laugh. I'm going to be laughing at you. I'm going to be saying you have a flat ass. But, you know, nothing that. nothing that anybody does if anybody ever gets blamed for like spreading misogyny again

like me anybody else nothing could ever nothing could ever come close to what young men are being exposed to of what women do every day there you got a 12 year old kid at home

who's watching his mom secretly donate to a triple murderer you got a bunch of fat women on TV holding up strangulation signs. No joke on earth could no joke on ever could on earth could ever instill the sort of hatred

that young men will have toward women upon seeing a spectacle like this. And it's not even, I mean it's sort of rare. It's like a lunar eclipse, right? Like you don't see it every day, but you do see it sometimes twice a month. You see it enough. You see it at a fucking lot.

You see it enough that everybody knows kind of what you're talking about. You seen that thing of women doing something just totally insane? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen that. You see enough to where it turns the stove up a little more each time. I saw some guy on Twitter's, and now people are posting like, this woman's child murder, you know, this guy did that. And I saw this guy go, what's a guy supposed to do?

She said he was going to kill his kids. He went to the police and then she did it anyway. What's a guy? What are men supposed to even do? I'm like, are you, are you asking on, are you a woman? Like, are you secretly? What do you mean? What do you mean?

What are you supposed to do? Are you, do you need to think of, you should have to be burying the solution on other layers here, buddy? Solution's obvious. Yeah, two piece no biscuit. You got to call up Orange Julius. Get him involved. 50% of liberal women under 30 say they have a men. health condition.

That wasn't actually, I read this study, that wasn't actually the question they asked. The question they asked and the survey was, has a doctor told you, you have a mental illness? Not do you have one?

It's, has a doctor told you, you have a mental illness? I've seen the actual mentally ill. In fact, what was it? Yesterday or the day before, went to 7-Eleven, right,

parking lot, walking in. I see this lady pacing in circles, and she just looks like she's lived in the sun. She's just like been there, right? Yeah. And I hear her kind of muttering to herself, and I just keep it pushing. I'm like, all right, whatever.

Grab my drinks, get some snacks, get out. She's pacing faster. And I hear her go, they're blowing out my back again. They're fucking blowing out my back. And it's fucking up my day. And I just start laughing so hard because I wasn't expecting that. Blowing up my back? They're blowing out her back.

Yeah. And I was like, who's blowing out your back? Like, oh, fuck. So I start cracking up. And she like snaps and looks at me. And I'm like, oh, great. Oh, great. I was like, man, like, fuck.

Like, that's mental illness, man. Like, but this like, you know what? I had a thought today. Like, I, you know, I too. Do you have medication for that? Doctor, I had a thought today. I have many thoughts every day. None of them good or meaningful.

I thought for a second, maybe my life, maybe all my values on how much I could, resist eating and how good I am at giving blow jobs. Do you have any medicine that I could take to get rid of that feeling? I don't know what... Some sort of insane thought just occurred to me. Is there... Is there anything I could take for that?

Crazy. Great culture you got here. Having kids is hard. But, you know, having a woman is harder. And I'll tell you that. It's like having a parole officer around all the time. can't read. Yeah. Yeah, who can't read and thinks everything you're doing is like somehow ruining everything else you're doing. Who has no memory? It's like having a parole officer with no

memory. Who are you again? How much time are you here for? What is that video games? What do you on the computer? What are you on the computer? What are you doing that for? Is that part of your parole? I don't know. You tell me. Yeah. I already checked in. Why don't you go to the store? Pick up some stuff. Okay. What are you doing at the store? What are you doing at the store? store. I don't know, man. Fuck. I don't know, man. I got to go have a cigarette. I'm gonna go leave for cigarettes. Is that on your parole? I don't know. You tell me. No. You know what? We gotta make a trip to China and get one of those like fucking Crayola 256 boxes of cigarettes out there. Oh, what? Have you seen those? Well, it's not like Crayal, but like they make fucking cigarette boxes. They're like this goddamn big. Really? Oh, dude. I'm down for one of those kind of sashes. Craving a fucking cigarette.

I would smoke 50012 cigarettes. I would love to smoke 512 cigarettes, one of every color. Crayola should do make cigarettes. I thought about making joint papers like that because I saw a creola wrapper on the ground the other day and was like, actually. I could smoke that. What a fucking potette.

I was like, if you printed the papers to look like that, so many things that would blow the fuck up. garbage? I bet I could smoke that. I didn't think I could smoke that. I know. But then I picked up the piece of foil next to it and then smoke off the way. That was what I smoked on.

What else do I got here? Reminds you at the time when fucking got my first apartment and I burn all the spoons on purpose. Then when people would come over and be like, are these fucking? I'd be like, look, I've changed. my way.

It's a crack on every spoon? Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't find my favorite one. They're too thick. Yeah, the heat transfer was all wrong. GTA is getting leaked. Did you see that? I keep seeing stuff about it, and all it makes me think is, man, I'm glad I never really

played GTA that much. I played five a little bit, played four a little bit. And fucking leakers cock teasing, too. It's like, man, he's like, oh, the leak's coming. Like, oh, the leak's coming. Like, oh, just, just, Put it out! The leak was delayed again. Like, God damn it.

Just fucking say you want money and fuck off. I'm so sick of that game. Everything I see about it makes me hate it. The parts I've seen from it, I'm like, oh. It's the same game still. Yeah, except there's a woman now. I don't want to get bossed around by some titless Mexican. You know?

I don't want to play this Romeo and Juliet shit. Right. I don't want to play and then get banged in the game. Suck my boyfriend's dick after a heist. Like, what do I press X to fucking cup the balls? What kind of game is this? Like the yoga level, right? And GTA 5, that was bad enough.

Now you can be fucking fingering your fat Latina, fat titless Latina girlfriend in game. With the fucking joystick. Find the clitoris. No thanks. Drive her to Jack in the Box afterward? press x to get cereal yeah it's just like how dumb

I realize they put too much in video games sometimes yeah I want nothing in video games almost just me too if I can open up like word pad not even text at it or any

like notepad just word pad Write your own game Not even write any Just have a blank screen With a blinking fucking curse

That's all I want Some girl boss, bitch. Say Poppy. Hey, Poppy. Oh, Poppy. I got a new mission for you, Poppy. No, thanks. One of my favorite new, well, not new, but like.

Shoot the tortilla out of her hand. That's what I'm going to do in GTA6. Shoot the tortillas out of her hand. He's juggling them like they're fucking, like spinning plates? Yeah. Oh, man. I can't even remember what I was going to say. Oh, but it's like, I watch this guy play on GTA role-playing servers.

Yeah. And he fucking scams people for a shit ton of money and gives them like a pop-tard or like a pickle and stuff. That's cool. It's really funny. But it's like the level that these people believe that they're in this world. Like this guy's just going around fucking around. Fucking stupid. Yeah.

And these people are, what the fun? And they get actually. What a fuck. They lose their minds. And it's just like, you guys, you could go. outside and be doing this and getting real money and getting in real trouble. I guess rock stars

trying to get the identities of like 100,000 people on Discord because they're trying to keep their precious gay game. Like any of it, like any of that shit matters. It's the same fucking game. Put it out. Yeah.

It's the same goddamn game. Yeah. We know what it is. Same fucking console, basically. Why can't we make a game that like summons like a fucking demon, but like a biblically accurate one or some shit that's just like you turn out and you're like Jesus fucking Christ like I saw I saw it pop up on Netflix. GCA6

sneak peek coming in three days like man fuck you do you guys have to like Super Bowl everything like and ring every drop out of my balls possible? I don't I don't want to see this buy a pack of chicken at the store GTA 6 chicken I mean that's some shit would just show up too because all the hype and promo

behind it and then you experience you go to experience it and you're like it was all right it was okay yeah that's what I guess that's what sucks about it the most GTA 5 is awesome but I went in that that with nothing I was like yeah that's cool it's pretty good you know oh cool

it's funny if I went into it thinking like this is going to be the greatest story ever told like this sucks yeah video games suck at telling stories are fucking stupid. It's all just fetch class. It's 40 hours long. Yeah. Yeah, go get a fucking,

go get this club. Look for this dog. All right. Go find this fat lady. Find this fat woman. Shoot the tortilla out of her hand. Shoot her with the tortilla. The fucking luncheonator.

That's my game. The lunchinator. Go around town fucking shooting sandwiches out of them fat bitch's hands. Shoot a frapuccino out of their hands. I want to do their car. Boom. Fighting game.

where you could only be green giant or only orange Julius. And it depends. Whoever character you want to be is which side you're playing on. Black people versus who's the green giant? I don't know. I don't know. What ethnicity would he be? I don't know.

White? I guess black because black people, like green people in cartoons are always supposed to be black anyway. Oh, yeah? Like who? Like Piccolo. Slimer? Skeeter. Skeeter was blue.

Well, he's old Roger was green. Roger was green. He was white. Yeah, Roger's white. Roger's a prick. Yeah, but he had wavy hair, though. That's true. So he could have been, he could have been Italian.

He was greasy. Doug was a great show. I remember it as a kid liking it. I can't say I would enjoy it now, but. I asked my wife about Doug and she goes, that show was for babies. I said, okay, never mind. She goes, that's why I was at the beginning of Snick, because the babies were still watching. I was like, fuck.

Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah, but then when fucking that bitch, Linda Ellerby would come on, it was like, oh, I don't want to see no fucking news. That was brainwashing. That was brainwashing. I knew right away as a kid.

I was like, that's sick. Whatever's going on here. This bitch, this lesbian bitch is trying to brainwash me and my friends. Some lady with fucking short hair is going to try in a diverse crew. I'm like, I don't got any friends that look like any of these kids. I don't think so, bitch. That's what I said to the TV put on Channel 3. I said, we're the fucking.

See what else is on. Space Ghost or some bevis the butthead, some other shit. Oh, God. We got this fucking book. It's like babies 100 first words. And on the cover, there's a black kids. It's like, all right. Let's see what...

I wonder what's going to happen in this book. Is it his first 100 words regarding the cover of the book? Image on the cover? Because that could be a funny series. But I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to be too harsh to judge these sorts of things. So I give it a chance. Like, all right, I open it up.

And Rubber Duck is like one of the first words. duck. How the fuck is? And it's a fucking rubber duck, but it's rainbow colored rubber duck. Like it's the most iconic, the most iconic toy there is a yellow rubber duck

and they fucking gay it up in the kids book. So who's like, it is a, it is a duck, rubber duck that is a rainbow flag. Like what is the, how does this help them? I don't even know where to buy a gay rubber duck. Maybe at a sex shore.

store? Well, it's like, it's, it should just be a picture of a duck. Like, you're trying to teach your baby what things are. But they're grouped by like activity. Oh, okay. So it's like a bath time activity. If it just said duck and then showed a picture of a rainbow like that's so many abstractions going on. Yeah. Duck. Gay duck. It's gay duck, not duck. It's like looking at a dinosaur chicken nugget and just being like dinosaur. They had one of the stegosaurus is at the museum. they painted a rainbow spelled it staggasaurus

could I tell you about that no it's crazy paint all the fossils rainbow and they stuck a giant bone right up its ass there should be an art exhibit called the slurminol

and you go it's like a little terminal and whatever you type in whatever when you press enter it just turns whatever you said into just a randomly generated list of slurs that you got to read and then it says you did this

yeah that would be cool see that's a museum piece we got to go to some kind of like school open house you know this week I gotta bring in I gotta bring in the anti-woke stuff hot right away I'll bring in I say I read online

there's somebody left a review that said black people aren't welcome at this school how do you feel about that like I heard on a podcast and then you have to be the one saying it all You know, I see a lot of kids coming and going from this. I live down the street. I see kids coming and going.

Some of them are using some offensive language. How do you feel about that? Say it like that. I'm going to dress up like a southern colonel. Like a big hat. You got to come in. Like fucking foghorn leghorn. What, nah?

What's going on in this? Open a school house, yeah. I say boy, and you're like, How fat are the teachers y'all? Now, Let me see these your curriculums and stuff Tell you anything wrong. Let me see this, your curriculum, yeah.

I see you got an anti-racism. I wear the racism. Well. You can put my family out of business with this anti-racism shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Starts throwing some money around, you know, early. Well, that's the 11 herbs and spices.

The dirt out in front seems a little old dirt. You need to buy yourself. some new dirt out for the front of the school. How about a couple wood chips? How about a couple bags of wood chips? I'll bring them by. Let me get some of my Home Depot boys will bring them over.

They'll be able to use some nice stairs too. Not good. I didn't realize this. Back in the day when they needed to move like consoles and shit out of recording studios, they would just go to the Home Depot on sunset and hire a bunch of those guys to fucking... Sure.

Skies were fucking unlimited back then. Now they're too expensive. Yeah, it's cheaper to do it yourself now. We had two good weeks where the Mexicans were scared in L.A. Remember that? They weren't coming out. They were all hold up. Dude, traffic was crazy.

They wouldn't even, they were like, Anne Frank. They were like, hold up, and they would have their radios on, but they'd muffle them with the accordion music. You couldn't even hear it. When you said Anne Frank, I was picturing Helen Keller for some reason, and I was like, They're the same. Oh, yeah. The same. Just made up shit.

immigrant pamphlets in the UK Let's see here The UK is giving out these brochures to help new migrants Oh, that's nice of them Probably not free for free though Or they're probably not making them for free In the UK Both people must say yes to sex

This is called consent Yeah, that'll do it I hope this went through a committee Yeah, that's actually Can I increase the number of crimes If you have sex with someone Who does not want to this is called rape

Yeah Looks like it's going great Looks like this experiment is going great Rape is a serious crime It is still rape If you are married to the person Or in a relationship That was probably the

That's probably the weakest evidence you have For rape there Ritards well it's like if you have said like it's just like a casual thing not like if you're forcing someone so the the most important victim is the is the immigrant wives of the immigrant rapist abs no notes absolute absolute success yes yeah we've got to protect these other immigrants yeah doing everything to look the other way

It's still rape if they agreed once but changed their mind. Oh, man, top of the list. I'm sure this is like, I mean, this is peak white women. Like they think they're that stupid. Right. Like they think the rapists are, you know, when they're rounding up 100,000 white girls to sell into slavery. Like when Arabic Islam guys have been like trafficking in white slavery for 2,000 years,

it's because they don't understand it. Yeah. You fucking morons. Even if they said yes. Like they don't, it's not at the point where they agreed once. They're just randomly picking up white girls to rape and sell into sex slavery. Yeah. Fucking dumb bitch.

If you have sex without consent, you could go to prison. Make it softer. Is there a softer way to sit? I mean, you could go to prison. That almost sounds scary. Be like it might interrupt your raping ability. In a slight, there's a small. Outside chance, someone may suggest that you go to prison.

How about something like that? A little softer than could go to prison. How about you will go to prison and you will be raped? If you go, if you rape someone, you'll be killed. We're going to deport you and then kill you in that order. Yeah, that's a fucking, that's speaking in a language. I understand. Yeah.

If you do this, we're going to fucking kill you. Once you fall below a certain IQ point, it's got to be immediate consequence. That's the only thing You know If a dog pisses on the rug And then you give it like an hour It's not gonna know why the hell You're punishing it

Dude you have to just like You gotta let them Go Because even like Look at all the guys getting run over By trains in India It still are Like it's just like

Give him a pamphil You can't teach them So just let them get murked Child abuse is a serious crime In the UK Why is there two Well let's see What's this white guy

yelling at this white kid Something about Allah child abuse is against the law you must never physically hurt a child shout at or threaten a child it looks like a kid's this is written like a kid's book have sex or sexual contact with a child under 16 hey go ahead and bump that up the top

maybe make it its own flyer yeah maybe put it or else they're putting it so low in a thing that none of these assholes are going to read can they even read well yeah the only people reading these are people who wrote them and us but you must never leave a child alone without an adult why would you want an adult around a rapist. Why would you want

adult rapist to pick an adult to hang around your kid? Deny a child food, clothes, shelter, care. Cut her harm a girl's genitals. Wow. Oh, I think you're going to need

a more bold design choice on the pamphlet for this to have an effect that you want. Okay. What else do we got here? Oh, yeah. Why are men leaving work?

AI sloping schools. So teachers are just using AI now for... Except they can't afford a lot of credits. So they just use the free one, right? Fucking digital res fucking scrapers, dude. Society is now stratified on token affordability. That's going to be, like literally, you're not able to perform your job

unless you get enough tokens. So, if your parents have a big token budget at their job that you're tapping into, you got it fucking made. All your papers are going to be tits, right? We got to start the million token March, dude. Dude, black people are going to start protesting. We ain't get no tokens.

I need my 40 tokens in a mule. Yes. I need my 40 tokens. I need my 40 million tokens. Students give an AI slop with misspelled names. Let's see it. Can this ad fuck off, please? There we go.

Okay, here's the Kentucky middle school parents are furious over instructional packets, teachers assigned to the kids. They were filled with AI slop, like misspelled state names and a faulty table of elements. Man. What a worthless endeavor.

You know that there wasn't even a second, like, hey, could you just re-roll this to see if anything better comes out? It's just like, well, if I typed it in, that's what came out. Can you tell it to do, to check for mistakes? Why would I do that? Just give it a shot. It's the computer.

It's already perfect. Why am I doing that to you then? Like, why? Pretend it's, pretend you're me and the computer's you. You have to prompt these retards on how. Bro, you really do. They just, like, the amount of AI mistakes that are fixed is just like, hey, can you tell the AI to not to check if it made any mistakes?

I never thought to do that Oh yeah, because you're stupid That's why That's why I'm telling you Any good Project lead Do it again Is do it again

And check for mistakes And when you're done with that Check it again Because if I find one I'm gonna kill you Yeah Or else If there is one

Here's a pamphlet If I see a console error You're out of here You're out of here man You're fucking done Let me get a good read of these states That the kids are learning about Oh yeah, these are

I remember these So it's a map of the northern U.S. Conited territory, yeah Of Canada, you got Kenighted Territory, you got Erranta, Malatarnta Yeah

I mean, and this one is Cyrillic written Oh yeah, I don't know what I used to live there actually Montana, nailed it North Dahola Yeah I remember that state

Mini sure I mean that's Minneapolis Minnesota It's close enough It's close enough Goago Gawgo

Goago and Vittolis Is that Illinois What's shipping like to Goago these days Next All the way to the Great Lakes I don't know

Arizona That one's close That one's so close You should have caught it That's like a Yosemite Sam. Arizona. I'm going out for Arizona. Numizoni.

New Mizoni is right next to Arizona. What's your name these? Taxes. Dadded taxes. Damn. So as a kid allowed to say, raise their hand in class and go, hey, you stupid bitch, everything that you gave us on the map is all fucked up.

Is that allowed? I'm going to ask that at the parent teacher night. If they skiv the kid's AI, the kid allowed to raise his hand and say, hey, you stupid bitch, your AI's all fucked up, get your act together?

How much do you want to bet? Because mapmaking is a serious game. It's a very serious game. How much do you want to bet Rand McNally has a fuck ton of money in the pot to make sure you can't make a good map? Yeah. Yeah, probably.

Because dude, like cartography, like if you make it too accurate, then that's like some sort of copyrighting version. So what map makers do is always add some sort of error. They add squiggles and stuff? If you copy it. Oh, really? You did it, yeah, and then they ding your ass.

What the fuck? Where did map making originate? Israel? Yeah, actually. Imagine so. Well, I don't think so because they're wandering in the desert for 40 years. That's why they came up with it. They stopped wondering.

They're like, hey, I've been making maps here. By the way, I spent the last... The first autistic guy to be like, hey, it was just like drew everything. First autistic guy was Jewish. Yeah. I would imagine so Moses, you know that new promised land you're looking for?

That's why he's because he was looking for it that whole time. He's like, I know it's out here. I'm going to uncover every dirt fucking particle. Forty years you walk around the whole world, right? Back then you probably could. Missouri. They got that one right. Lecong. That's Louisiana. Chinese shit.

Monterey, Mexico. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Looks good. Looks good. Planetary distances like they just shit out an AI These these things exist already the periodic table already exists you don't need a I to make it it's already open like source Look at these elements Let's see here Oh can't zoom in really heavy um heavyum

Heavium sardium cax bucks yeah are you getting the drop for cax bucks the airdrop really great yeah i'm getting an air drop of cax bucks

okay any any others well they're luring nice to see they're luring let's see what else I got women throwing to fit oh yeah guys guys registering

this one was kind of funny but i don't know It's not really that funny. This guy, there's like a Senate race in Alaska and some Democrat registered as the same name as the Republican, but it's not his name. So he's like, why?

Why can't I register as, you know, you let other people pick, I guess it is funny. That is funny. Also, can we say women are throwing fits anymore if they're all fat? They're throwing fats. Yeah.

Why is it illegal to use a fake middle name on your campaign. Yeah, here it is. The Alaska Supreme Court ruled Monday that the state's elections can't keep Daniel J. Sullivan from appearing on the same ballot as Republican Senator Daniel S. Sullivan. The challenger sought to be listed on the ballot as a Republican, even though he's not. No, all his money's from Democrats. And he initially requested to be listed as Dan S. Sullivan. So his name's Daniel J. Sullivan. He's a Democrat, but he requested to be listed as

Daniel S. Sullivan, Republican. That's not his name. Just prison. Throw him an ocean. You know? There's no law. There's no law against this because you shouldn't need one. You're obviously being a fucking turd.

Like, obviously the world will be better without you in it. Obviously. Obviously. They should let him do a whole shit. speech and then steam like take an actual steam roller roll him run him over yeah right in the middle of his speech glue his feet to the ground put those michael jackson shoes on him roll him roll over his ass this fucking chunga's shit drop a dumpster from a helicopter i'm gonna be i'm gonna register as daniel j selvin as a republican do all right man that's like some shit like boomers would have

like passed yeah they love that shit you know you could always do this this is the chungus hack Because then it'll say right on your ballot It'll say two of the same guy as Republican The system just has no way to fight this Yeah, because the system's like Because there's a system under that one That's just supposed to always That you guys shut down and messed up

Yeah The laws of man aren't supposed to Fix this kind of stuff The laws of the jungle are Well it's like a difference It's like monopoly, right? Yeah Everyone decided like

Oh well actually free parking does this. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, but no, that's not the rules of the game.

Like, you're vetting, we all know what the rules are. Yeah. But you've decided to take it upon yourself to make it

so now there needs to be rules for all these other little things because you decided to play like a shithead. Yeah. Well, all right. Have fun with that

until the boomers are dead. And then I got bad news for you. Okay, maybe we should read some comments. Mani Problems said, I like the AI song. Post the link. I don't have a link. Go to Suno. That's the link. Make any fucking, make me another stupid AI song.

You could even just go to Suno and say, make that guy's song, you know, probably would. Make that guy's song that called in. But then also add in the flag, do it better, too. Do it a little bit better. Just a little. Erb Beta Patch says, Jason Arde is the Black Tommy Tolar, Rico. His mother is proud of him. Is that the guy running for Senate or

the guy the guy with the video game thing? I don't know. That Jason Ardei guy was pretty funny. This is like to be so fucking stupid you don't see that like everyone's just full of shit. Yeah but again women can't like if you like the stories that he would tell

to women somebody sent them in like let me let me read to the bottom. Oh no they're really. funny, yeah. Here is this guy made a short list. Alexi Luther said, here's a short story as a bulleted list of Jason Ardei from childhood stories to get professorship. He was autistic, he claimed

diagnosed autistic at 3, nonverbal until 11, claimed partial deafness and being taught to, he learned sign language by himself. He couldn't read until he was 18 and he left school with two degrees. Claimed you joined the Pro Snooker Tour at 10, a year

before you could speak. Claim you won so much at Snooker, your mom thought you were dealing drugs. The sports database shows one amateur event with zero prize money. You were at a football academy and had a pro football career, so soccer. You have the Crystal Palace, say no record.

Yeah, I know that none of these are actually true. Just say what he said. Claim to have been on seven-up, a series that tracked seven-year-olds as they grew up, that series that, like, they interview them every seven years. Oh, right. It's like just obviously

verifiable, unverifiable or whatever. It was 28 years before you were seven years old started. Claim youths at a bus stop, beat you into a weeks long coma. Claim you beg the judge to spare their lives. It's probably because he was telling them those stories.

Claim 30 marathons and 35 days in 2010. The last nine marathons on a broken leg that was swollen to twice it's it's like you tell these women that like paved way for this guy any of this stuff and there should be something in their brains going off and saying it's bullshit but there's there never will be yeah just never because they just see themselves they see themselves as a young gay black man who just wants a fair shake right oh yeah you're a victim i'm a victim too i'm fucking um at least a big a victim as you um claimant at the same time oh yeah you had a stroke

you ran 600 miles in six days He's one of the Fargonauts dude Claim Uh Get a P8 I can't Okay I can't Yeah then you lift a quote

So the guy that exposed him Got fired Obviously That's the only shame about him Killing himself is because Now that he's dead The system that allowed this

gets to make up whatever story they want like the women that allowed this and the retards that allowed this get to just make shit up if he was still alive he would like they would have to defend he would still be running his mouth

yeah you know and that's the best case scenario but now they can just bury it you know literally figuratively it's too bad too bad uh Jack Rockstar

says a link okay oh it's deleted some kind of Reddit link okay Reverend Scott

I was listening to the recent TDS and Donnie started crying so loud the mic picked it up I immediately

had my wife get a second IUD inserted inserted in her throat too keep all your bases

get a couple more IUDs any in your ears you know wherever wherever you got a hole Johnny Rico's is Woman Alert. Okay.

Let's see. Woman Alert. This is absolutely horrifying. A rescue. This happened at Sabino Canyon in Arizona. A 20-year-old cyclist was swept into the current while trying to cross a flooded roadway and was carried through a drainage tunnel beneath it. Wow.

She was recovered downstream, unconscious, after spending several minutes underwater. Wow. Let's see this raging river. So it's like a 20-foot path. It's like a 20-foot path. It looks like a floodwater path where it's got kind of bollards on the path. So you can walk outside of the path

and use the bollards to not get swept away. But it's to her waist, so it's an extremely stupid thing to do. And she's carrying her bike across it. Let's see what happens. So I'm excited. She's almost all the way across. This dumb ass is waltzing in on the other side.

Try to help her out, I guess. Uh-oh, she's down. Well, there goes him, he's down too. Now all the other dumb bicyclers are wading into the water. Yeah, she's in the hole. Uh-oh, another woman's in. No, no, nope, that's not the move. Two more women are climbing in.

to help, I guess. Maybe they'll wait, maybe they can wait it out. The flood to stop. They misunderstood the song as weight in the water. Yeah. They're all clambering all over each other to try to get this one woman to stand up, I guess. Do they lose her?

Somebody's got her. This woman is like laying out sideways, which is the dumbest way to stand. in flood water just get on your feet idiot that girl's a girl's down the street uh oh shit they did lose her what are they still digging for up here this guy's going underwater oh man it's a victimless crime mother nature Yeah, that's one of those

You just got to chalk up to the game All their gay little helmets on Okay, that's enough Thank you Uh, comments, okay Garbage, gentlemen sausage Mario could be a woman though Fat, hairy arms, mustache, so what?

Have you seen a post-wall Italian woman? I guess so, Mario could be a woman Oh, says, you can't be half Mexican dick That's like saying you're half mongrel my comment got censored so I'm posting it again by the rules of racism I can say that because I'm half too um okay

you win then this guy won man you got it all I need a chart I'm gonna need a longer explanation from a race realist is he saying race is a spectrum yeah I think he is Super Serbian says please go through this retarded Reddit

on the show Ab's unhinged cesspool of morons Thinking Aggregated into the worst graphics on the internet Alignment chart What is this? Create charts here? Oh God, I hate charts.

Which artist is hated? No, no, no. I can't review charts. These guys are making charts for free? They're making too many charts. Okay Hermes says Check it out more foot washing

All right Dunkin' Donuts worker caught washing his feet In the kitchen of chains Staten Island fairy locations Yeah We gotta put some foot washing in I didn't know Islam's do that They wash their feet before they pray

That's like a Jesus thing Other people's feet These guys washing their own feet They're like Fucking Jesus is dumb We're going to wash our own feet, save some time. We've got to get back to raping. I don't have time to sit around all day waiting for somebody to wash our feet.

Indian, he would have been washing his feet in the soup. Yeah, true. Probably a fake hoax. Theo says the bathroom is a Mega-64 sketch, Johnny. Well, take it back instantly. I take it back, and also, shame on you for watching Mega-64. Shame on me. for yet another low-hanging fruit joke.

They did it first. They have no choice but to yield. I'm fully capping, dude. I'm cooked. Trio Doug says if you get a vasectomy, you're literally letting another guy touch your balls. That's gay. He wasn't using his hands.

He's using sticks. He was using his mouth. Suck all the cum out of... Doc, it didn't work. What did you do? Just typical vasectomy? Cut a hole, sucked all the come out.

The discharge was in my balls. Balders says, talk about the Penn State Coke ring bust. It's pretty funny. Oh, yeah? Is it funny? Penn State. Penn State Coke bust.

Ah, they can't just let these young entrepreneurs. Father's son duo in Penn State Frat House Coke bust had prior run-ins with the law. Man. That's too bad. I was picturing like a bust of like George Washington. Oh. Someone had pressed Coke into like this and you could take little chips off of him or something.

Yeah, I heard something about this. They got like they got pledges to be drug mules or something like that. Easy money. Easy money, man. Let's get this bread. College is expensive, Dick. You're soon going to find out. Oh, God.

Hopefully we'll be. hopefully by the time Donnie goes to college all of the teachers that can no longer function will turn into professors that can no longer function and the entire process

will just become a a rubber stamp system for black people to get jobs in the government which it is now but it will be less obfuscated by then you have the chance to make your life so much easier

but also so much harder is before you bring the baby around like the school stuff just fucking shoe polish him yeah it's my black son this is my black and just every

as you can see he's the same color as he was when I first brought him here four years ago so unless you're saying I have some kind of a time machine on time traveling shoe polish

he's uh he's got revital I go like Uncle Ruckus dude actually he's black because he has this birth mark so I didn't want to be self-conscious about the birthmark so I blacked the rest of his skin so that you can't tell he does a birth mark this is for mental health

I was working on my truck and he crawled through my oil pan what am I supposed to do and he crawled across some lipstick what is the deal it happens all the time has the widest eyes anyone's seen Coke bust if every frat was

packaging cocaine, then there wouldn't be a problem. That's the issue going to again, dude. You know, I just can't support drugs like I once did anymore. Donnie's going to be out here putting up posters with me for a fucking living in. Not because it's my kid, because I've seen so many people fuck up their lives. I'm like, yeah, I still believe that it should be illegal, but it's just never going to be. Not for dorks, man. Yeah.

Like. Not for dorks and squares. You can't be. I guess it should be legal to have an atom bomb, make an atom bomb in your house, but, you know, I think we all know how that would go. You know, it's legal to take apart your microwave and fuck with the transformer and fucking fry your whole house. Had racked up prior run-ins, yeah. So he's going to jail for... Oh, he racked him up?

He's going to jail for doing... Racking lines, racking fucking offenses. They can't ever stop with all the fucking pun-based articles. No, that's all. The news is just a delivery system for puns. I don't understand why my son, who's done everything possible, to move on and upward from this terrible mistake almost two years ago, now had this re-raised, he wrote. What?

I promise I tried only to do what was right and lawful at all times. Now the father himself is charged with felony tampering, hindering apprehension, concealing evidence, and obstructing the investigation into the alleged fraternity cocaine. Okay, so they're going to get to both of them. God, this is so annoying. Fucking catch a RICO charge.

Just trying to go to school. Like, it's the retards just doing cocaine and fucking up their lives. Kill them. Stop messing with people who are just packaging it and making it possible. Yeah. Kill the people who fucked up.

Not even for possession, but if you did cocaine and messed up your life, immediate execution. That's the deal. So everybody else can just continue. continue behaving normally

and having a little thrill every once in a while. The thing is, is like, people used to do drugs and make things and create. Like, think of all the records

in the 80s, right? Right. There is no 80s in recorded music without a... Just, that's all you get. Yeah. No writing.

There's no art. There's no white art without cocaine. Right. Think of all the acid that went into bingo. Bingo. Everything else.

Like, fucking, you know, there was like, You need energy. You just need to find it from somewhere. And that's not enough. Well, and you need to apply it in a meaningful or at least more useful way. Like, get fucking...

All of white culture is cocaine-based. Yeah. Even the Pope would drink cocaine. From the earliest days of popery. And then the Pope stopped drinking cocaine? What do you get? Pope F-sler. Chicago.

Send me every black person on earth. Drop them into your town. Not in the Vatican. where you live. Yeah. That's what happens when white people stop doing drugs. Oh, great.

Guys stop. Yeah. Thanks. But it needs to be like, like you need to do drugs, dream and then create that. But you need to dream cool, big things like art deco buildings,

fucking things that when you stand in front of them, you're like Jesus Christ, like a human cotton made of this? Yeah. You want to listen to a white snake record and be like, this fucking kicks ass. Nice. Right?

It's too bad for those kids Now everything's just AI fucking slopped AI you don't need to be on drugs to do AI Yeah you can just be boring and lame With your computer Poop Feast says AI music is awesome If you like music with instruments being played well And singers not phoning it in for another paycheck

AI music sucks ass actually It sounds like a fart It sounds like wow Yeah It has this way airy sound to it. You get one of three voices for every song and it's like okay cool even if you did fix the voice it still sounds like that. It sounds like an airy unsatisfying fart every single AI does. This guy needs to change his name to diaper feast. Yeah. Have you heard thunder by Imagine Dragons? People made that. Well it doesn't sound like AI. I think

Imagine Dragons is gay but it doesn't sound like it doesn't sound like a dog that had the barker removed. Imagine it fucking sucks but think of all the great things people did make. All for one says yesterday in Buenos Aires, a bunch of fat women had a march to protest having to pay back loans. They took out voluntarily on Mercado Libre, South American Amazon. Oh, did they? Well, Mercado Libre was not very Libre at all.

It's a killing your kids slash paying back my loans, my shopping loans, protest. Like see, in principle, or it can get behind that. Yeah. every single one of those Lindsay whatever protesters is there because they want more credit you know that's all they want from their husband that's it but they're fat so they don't deserve any no as you know so at some some those the protest is actually great because there's hundreds of men at home that are not having to deal with these pigs for three or four days hundreds of men at home finally

like able to breathe and think for the first time there should be nationwide protests for Lindsay Chapman whatever her name is for Charlie Chaplin Charlie Chaplin

nationwide get these bitches I'm going to set up an ice machine in the bathroom so my wife can go in there and break ice cubes all fucking day oh I thought you were going to say so she could go get ice cube or when you push your drink against the thing it calls ice

No Because we're not half Mexican Like the guy says So I just won't know what to do You're only a third Yeah You're only a quarter You're actually 16th

Stoy says I loved your $20 burrito rant I haven't enjoyed a rant in forever Well thanks for that I don't What was that necessary Now I'm fucking Haven't enjoyed a rant in forever

Fuck kind of comment is that What an ass This is why women are at that protest about killing babies Because you're saying shit like that at home Thanks for dinner. I haven't enjoyed dinner in forever. I'm gonna go fucking protest.

I'm giving $100 this bitch that killed her kids actually. Hey, could you not burn the water this time? Because the women know and the murderer know. It's like you wanted to kill your husband, right? Like yeah, but you couldn't get away with that. It's a fucking, yeah, exactly.

Because then you'd have to, you can't come at him to his face, he'll kill you. You can't poison him because then you'd have to like read about what poison is and like biology and like, you know, do something with instructions. So you kill the kids instead. This is like the splashback when you take a shit, right? If it starts from top down, where you, the man involved, beats the woman, beats the child,

and then everyone kind of understands like, oh, right, we all got to act right. But when it comes to the point where the women... The child should be above the woman. Yeah, where it comes back up. That's... Yeah. That's where things like, no, no, no, you're not a... insulting me. This is a one way

The man's got to be beating the woman and the kids. Right, yeah. He shouldn't but he's the one in charge and... Yeah, the woman can't be making these audibles calls. No. Is it time to beat the kids or not? Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not supposed to be thinking about that. Wait till your father gets home.

That's what it used to be. That's what it means. And that's... That, even you saying that just now, I was like, oh, shit. Like, yeah, I've heard that one a lot growing up in, man. the ass whoopens after that. He shouldn't be doing it.

He shouldn't be doing it. But that should be the, that should be the refrain. Luke, sometimes you just got to build a bridge all day and be on a loud fucking place where you yell at people all day. Yeah. Come home and just fucking. Continue. Bring work home with you.

Dude. You crack a few roads sodas. Do what you love. You remind everyone who father is. All right. Because if you don't have that, if you don't stick to the basics, then you got, you come home and you got fucking exercise equipment strangling your kids. Like, what the hell happened here? Yeah, see, fucking. They were crying about fucking dinosaur chicken nuggets all day. So I said, what would dad do? I would beat him and kill them. Like, no, no, no, no, that's not right? I think I've observed growing up. Over did. You over did it. Right. You go to someone's house and you see, like, you know, you go to their garage and there's like a bow flex and like one of the gym. You've got all this equipment. It's like, that's all dusty, never gets used. You go to someone's house and their dad just has like a rusty weight bench with no padding left.

You're like, that motherfucker uses that thing aggressively. Wow, he's got to be yoked. Fucking Jeffrey Dahmer murder your ass with it. I remember those Taco Supreme Days and digging through cars, couches for spare change to get something to eat. And at the same time, I remember cooking food for retarded boomers during their power lunches. Entire franchises like Chili's and TGIF were built on the total lack of boomer frugality regarding going. out to eat. Yep. Tony Romas, man. Did you mention that? Nope. Tony Romas couldn't exist today. Yeah. It's a perverse hell that the people who ran up 40 trillion in debt are lecturing the people

they're sticking the bill with on fiscal responsibility. They really did. Their boomers are totally responsible for 40 trillion in debt. Not like some of it. Like they didn't pick up a bad system from other people. They just decided. Yeah, they made it. And then they just ran with it. even the first Bush said we got to start privatizing we got to take Social Security and we got to start putting a little bit in stock market

and he got he got hammered for that but it would have been Social Security would be solvent by now if we had done that at any point you know 20 30 years ago I guess it's cool that Trump started but I don't think I think it's too late

I think we just got to you know got Franco their ass do something We got to dig their heroes up. Jimmy Hendricks drag his corpse around town. Let's start with that. Let's start there.

See what solutions start presenting themselves. If we dig up all the boomers heroes and start dragging their corpses around town, like Franco would dig up Catholic nuns, you know, and they would, they would like desecrate the bodies, the corpses. Yeah. We got to do that with boomers. Jimmy Hendricks, fucking John Lennon, backhoe their ass up out of the ground. Put them in one of those. put them in one of those stick things

with guys dancing around dance their ass around town drag them around crypto.com arena and say what do you guys think about this? Let's start coming up with some solutions I was going to say you got me thinking about, remember the Tupac hologram? Yeah.

I want to go back and see how shitty that looks now. Yeah. Can you imagine how fucking bad that looks? Did they do an Elvis one? In Vegas or something? I don't know. I think they got enough real Elvis impersonators that don't need a fake one. Cepsis.

My ex-girlfriend told me that she gave 50 bucks to some Facebook fundraiser for some girl who used to bully her in high school because her boyfriend committed suicide. I was like, bitch, she's probably the reason he killed himself. Women are retarded. Yeah. That's true. Good point.

Salty Seal says Dick was right again. What is this? Andrew Tate's, Bugatti and Ashton Martin were reportedly rented, according to recent court filings from the Tate's lawyer in their U.S. case. Oh, yeah. Remember when that guy called in, the wifu guy? And he's like, yeah, he owns all these cars. He said he didn't, he doesn't own, he doesn't own the cars.

He's obviously renting them. It's like the most oldest L.A. trick in the book. You go down the sunset and there's like 50 luxury exotic car. Nobody owns those cars. No, he doesn't. uh yeah obviously obviously they were rented i saw that the andrew tate tried to say that his mexican passport

that was just a joke his vladimir scorpius passport that he was going to that he's always bragging about using to get out of jail uh but then they like searched the mexican passport agency and it is real he actually has a vladimir scorpius he's gonna he memed himself straight into prison with all of his talking and bullshit that's some fucking meme magic for your ass something about tires yeah all right um what time is it let's do let's do some voicemails i'm gonna do manny's manny's erotic story next week i need a full i need a full uh tank of gas to do man to do a manny story

So that's a dick Oh yeah That's a show I'm like Patreon.com slash the Dick Show I'll see you next week We got to get Manny on To read some Juan Mills books for us

God I love man Man he's opening for value selected Yeah Man that's awesome He's so funny He's fucking funny man Why is he not bigger Does he talks like that

Oh I thought you were talking about Physically Why is Mani not physically larger Why isn't he 60 feet tall? You can't afford his sandwiches, that's why. Then Mani'd be tearing the top off of his gas station. Give me your sandwiches. Give me your sandwiches.

You know, like he talks. Give me your ass. Except manny's like 50 feet tall, like the little baby and honey I blew up the kid. Give me our sandwiches. And he's picking up the security guard, like, ah, biting his head off. Eating the giant Randy's donut. Manny's. Instead of Randy's donut,

it's Manny's and he's holding a donut. I love this idea. That should be a comic. I'm going to crowd fund a comic book. I'm going to crowd fund a comic book. About a 60 foot tall manny muskets. That only one person will buy. Oh, fuck.

I don't have my paper. Look at the EBS did. Let me find this. This is so funny. I'll find it as I play this voicemail. Hey, Dick, hey, Johnny. This is for that guy who wrote the email about, you know, 30 years old, don't have any friends,

live with your grandparents in the small town and all that. Listen, I'm in a very similar, although, you know, not to fucking tune my own horn, a slightly better position, but I get it. Don't give me that work voice. Don't give me that fucking work voice that you're on. Well, I'm in a slightly, but. Yeah.

I call it hardly working. Oh, are you working hardy? Don't get me that fucking Lumberg, fucking boss, Boyce, you son of a bitch. You fucking prick. This guy's fucking sitting on a log in an ocean full of diarrhea. Here we go.

I'm also 30. I'm also socially awkward. Haven't been diagnosed. Pretty sure I'm autistic. Sounds like you probably are as well. No disrespect. You fucking guys are not autistic. You're just fucking nerds and dicks.

You just don't think about other people. That's all. It's just being selfish. It's not being autistic. Eat something other than chicken nuggets. You'll be fine. Here, you want to know how to make friends? Figure out what you can do for other people.

That's it. Try to, try just to see what you can do for other people. You'll make a million friends. You will make a zillion fucking friends. You will see how fast you are needed and... How can I help you? How can I help someone else? That's it.

It's not fucking autism. being a fucking selfish asshole. Well, I was just paint Warhammer all day. And, you know, no one likes me. So I'm just autistic. I guess I'm autistic. No, you're retarded. From how you've described your parents briefly,

you probably have CPCSD, complex PTSD. I only realized, like, a week ago that I absolutely have that. And if, you know, your parents, like, steal money from you, you definitely have it, too. complex means instead of one specific event like watching your friend die it's like your entire child of it causes you to have PTSD and it is very real and the effects are very much the same you basically become addicted to cortisol PTSDs stress and chaos feel comfortable what the hell is this guy talking about okay when is this going to be shitty again you just look up the symptoms you probably have all of them like never have ever felt relaxed

have trouble sleeping and always wake up early. Okay, I have that. Shit like that. And so along with that... I never know when my fucking city bank card app is going to go, bling. You just spent $70 at Amazon. So I'm always living in PTSD fear.

Well, you know, every time my fucking... My bank app gives me an alert, I fucking... I realize my autistic fixation on money leaving my account. Yeah, I realize fucking my assburgers is all twist that. up because of my complex situation

my complicated PTSD's this advice truly it's unfortunate but you have to work on yourself and no one ever explains really what that means by drinking why I like to have all of the rules explained and why like what the rules are

and why where they come from before I can have any fun playing a game so to explain you're not supposed to have fun playing games. You just do them. You just do them to pass the time. That's why they're called pastimes. You think you're fucking everyone's fucking cheering

and celebrating playing settlers of Catan? Oh, look these fucking box cars. Yeah! Yeah, can you believe? Is it something you do? Yeah. Having fun.

Fuck fun. It's like you have fun with like two or three different people, whatever your friend group size is. And then you can never discuss how fun that was again, because then it's like just talking about a dream. Because no one else gives a

fuck. You know it's fun? Sharing racist memes in the group chat. There's not any games are going to do that. Board games. That would be cool. You have printed cards, and you got to... Yeah, racist meme. Here you know. What do you think? Print that out at the slurminal.

Number one, people are just really not attracted to insecurity. That's unfortunate, but it kind of use an analogy, it's like you're drowning. And people, you know, it's like if you jump into space. Did you kill your friend during an army exercise when you call and show to talk about it? Oh, wait, shit. Was that that guy?

He killed his friend during an army exercise? Or he'd die. But yeah, well, his friend tried to drown him. Oh, yeah. The fucking murder his friend and then call in. This motherfucker just use a drowning metaphor on a guy who saw his friend drown? Well, no, that guy didn't see his friend drown, I don't think. He just drowned?

Well, different guy. all kind of the same guy essentially but wait a minute the guy who wrote that you're making it more confusing okay so remember last week or the week before the guy who wrote that big email and you said go to church yeah that's not the guy who drowned his friend oh that was a different guy that was a different guy I remember him too

I was saying because he's talking about drowning right right right yeah what if your friend drown then what he's call into the show and tell him what he's supposed to do fucking friend yourself number one people have just really not attracted to insecurity.

That's unfortunate, but it kind of to use an analogy, it's like you're drowning. And people, you know, it's like if you jump in to save someone who's drowning, they're going to panic and kill you too, so no one will save you. But also, fuck me, I forgot, I knew this is going to happen. In that analogy, you're drowning,

but you're drowning in like three feet of water. And you can stand up. Man, this guy's drowning in three feet of water. I'm drowning in this analogy. He's drowning in three minutes and his voice. my God. And also, you need to work on yourself

because, like, you just need to slow down, this is an analogy is like drowning. Because no one will ever give to you. As much as you ask for it, you know, it's basically if you're drowning and there's people near by,

you'll be fine. But if you're drowning and you got to figure out of the title of this week's episode. Because, you know, if you start drowning and you're by yourself, you will die. If you're around to the people, you'll be fine.

but then in that scenario like you can't ever really go out by yourself because then you will die you just have to learn time on the collar everybody no one the fucking caller he got timed out he got timed out at three minutes the voicemail timed him out oh did he continue shit let's see uh another three minutes bro yeah just calling back because i because i drowned limit earlier um just more advice I wanted to share stuff My dad hasn't given me six minutes of advice

in my whole life Look at the timestamps He called it 1234 AM Then he called back with this Like an hour later Yeah I'm thinking about that show

Okay wait turn it up Turn it Let me hear it Be the pond You do not want to be The fish Wait what? Let me hear that again

The pond Your Em Screeky share stuff that has been working for me recently, like this past week. My mantra has been, your mind is a pond. Your emotions are fish. You want to be the pond. You do not want to be the fish.

Fuck me, what else? Self-sufficient. My mind is a bicycle, and my emotions are like black guys. Is that what he's saying? My car, my mind is a car, and my emotions are bums at stoplights. You got Aquaman calling in from his fucking shell phone talking about fish and water and ponds and shit. Like, we get it, dog. Damn.

We know where you're coming, though, and it's the sea. Is this a fish? Yeah. Is this a fish? Fucking. He's like, man, I got to save all these fucking people for drowning. I appreciate the call, though. It's good.

That was very nice of you. Oh, there's still two more minutes. It's pretty hard. You know, you kind of, you just have to, like, it has to be for you. It has to be for you.

Being misunderstood is like my deepest fear. And the thing about trauma is, it causes you to act in a way that we- My deepest fear is over-explaining things. My deepest fear is drowning. While I'm trying to explain it. You're being traumatized the exact same way over and over and over again.

You know, you get abandoned, you're going to get enough attention as a kid, and you're, like, terrified of that happening to you again. So every new person you meet, you're like, ah, never leave me. Ah! And you're, like, scared him away. It's like, Jesus fucking Christ, this guy needs way too much.

You need to find that within yourself. You need to stop caring. You need to not need that. To have a couple drinks. You need to have someone misunderstand you and to, like, get terrified of it and ruminate on it, come up with the perfect words, say it, And they still don't understand it gets worse and worse and worse.

If the fucking gamblers, fuck that's, right. You win, you feel all right. You lose, you feel fucking horrible. The only winning move is not to play. Stop fucking playing. Let people misunderstand you. I mean, this is for myself. I don't know if you're supposed to be worried about this.

Shit on the floor. Explain that one. Fucking let it happen. He gives you shit. Like, fuck them. You know what I mean? And you have to truly feel that and want that and mean that. You cannot do reverse psychics.

psychology against you know god or the universe yeah what are you Jewish reverse psychology is God I got a fishing line all around New York City God what are you talking about? I'm not outside like yourself I'm inside but you have to like yourself first you cannot only like yourself no I have a whole ass family I don't like myself it's fine so that you know what I think that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, two and a half minutes already. Again, wow. I love the app.

I got 30 seconds. What else? This is what people talk about in therapy. There's like one or two more things. I don't know. The monster thing's been really helpful. Yeah, that's why it's so expensive. Inner Peace.

CPTSD. Realized that you probably have that and that's why you're acting the way that you are. And, you know, having a reason for it, that'll probably help. Um, yeah, I love you. Uh, smooches for a Johnny. Go fuck yourselves. Bye. Bye.

I'm going to title his number, Therapy, man. If he calls in. I thought it would end automatically. Oops. Aquaman. You thought it would end automatically if you said bye? That's not how voicemails I've ever worked.

Uh, people add him to contact as Aquaman. Aquaman. Okay. Wow. Complex. complex PTSD Hmm I got more

Like a simple PTSD Yeah you go like I'm not one of those Fucking losers With simple PTSD Mine's complex I got like Deep

T PTSD I got turbo PTSD Yeah me too What the fun Me too I experience all my PTSD Really quickly And I'm back to normal

I just stay here And I go Ha I turn into Winnebago man briefly I wish that Lindsay Chapman would give a speech Yeah from her wheelchair like a supervillain speech You know She should be like I'll kill all of your kids

I'll kill your kids Like she should go to like Hannibal Lecter in court That'd be tough see I'll eat any kid I see I'll kill him That would be funny at least it's like okay We finally got someone everyone just wants to the attention, but it's like they do nothing with it. Yeah, you're already going to

jail or getting executed, just go nuts. Yeah. Who cares? Do what Andrew Tate did. Yeah, he was a rapist. Just keep fucking brag about all your... Yeah, he had a hilarious run online. Say some shit that's like, oh, that's only the kids you found out

about, you know, fucking... No reason at all for him to come to the U.S. He decided to anyway. They're arrested. All right. What an idiot. Just... You're already there. Hey, Dick, hey Johnny. It's Junckerford King.

I have a rage for you. I'm going to call it Human Clocks. These people at like your job or whatever that constantly feel the need to announce what time it is or how much time you have left in your day. I'm assuming it's

due to some sort of like thing where they just, you're completely uncomfortable with how much, like, completely uncomfortable with being alone with their thoughts and just have to vocalize anything in order to fill the void. And so they'll be like, oh, day's almost over.

We got four hours left in the day. It's like, yeah, buddy, doesn't make the day go faster than hearing usually on an hourly rate how much longer I have to go. Like, why you go fucking kill yourself, dude? Like, working with someone that you don't want to work with at your job is already an unskippable cutscene in life. And that shit just makes it way fucking worse. So, I mean, I don't want to be here either, dude. So stop making it worse for me. Anyway, go fuck yourself.

The time is. and people who say shit like that make the day go by like something like they spawn like some sort of event that you have to deal with that makes you stay later too because it like activates your brain yeah and like something gets fucked up and then you got to yeah hypnosis so you have to stay active and alert because you know you're going to hear something

like fuck man just let me space out come on dick you know what makes me a rage when you use the word D saw it's not even a word That means you want to freeze it again. D-thaw. Fuck you love you. You got to D-thaw.

Yeah, and then Rethaw. You get a re-thaw. Rethaw-Franklin, you know? Her brother, Dethaw? Yeah. I'm Dethaw-Franklin. I actually hate respect. I smell it respect.

Disrespect? Dith-respect. I'm Rethaw-F-Rangling, and this is my thong. Dith-R-R-Dith-R-Deth-R-Deth-R-E-Spect. D-E D-E-S-P-T-C D-E-I-S-P-C-T It don't mean

Nothing to be That's right on D-D-thaw D-R-R-R-R-Rangling Um Hey Dick and Johnny What makes me a rage Is the slippery slope Of fat women

I've seen a lot lately Of like normal dudes Like right-wing guys critical drinkers fans especially or complaining about women getting too skinny General Lega who's like that hot Latina chick is the prime example of this lately she's like 411 and now

like 95 or 100 pounds like pretty ideal weight for that I and people are complaining about her like she's been like 130 pound tort and now people are saying that she's way too skinny ororexic I just think it's a slippery slope of where people have really

been sci-opt into thinking that 170 pounds, which is like the average in the U.S. is normal. So now when they see a woman is half that, regardless if she's healthy or not, they are just sci-opt. They think otherwise. Yeah.

I've been living here in China for the last six months, and the average woman here is like 100 pounds. And when I see a 130-pound woman, I am like shocked. It's not looking good for the West. Yeah, you know, all these guys,

guys, all these YouTube guys are just it's just celebrity news for men. Like it used to be it used to be celebrity gossip was just something women would engage in, but now like nerd-rotic and all these guys, they're covering

it up with like, we're talking about comic books and Marvel shit, but you're just talking about celebrities. Yeah. You're talking about celebrities gaining weight, celebrities, what celebrities are saying and eating and buying and doing. Like, it's just the gayest it's the dumbest gayest shit this guy is living in the 90s

everything he's encountering is made in China and he's seeing skinny women again unbelievable dude I think the last the death of skinny women out here coincided with like the death of chains like Mervins yeah and other shit like that

they're too fat to shop right Dillards can't be stocking 6X that'd be Dillard's man He can't have fat women trundling into Dillards and Robinson's no picking out of x 6xel couch or whatever yeah you can't like the just the the freight fee right yeah Victoria's sandwich they got in the mall you got any

lingerie secret menu Victoria's secret menu do you have this bra in a in a tarp do you have this in John Bunyan size or Paul Bunyan size do you have it in John bunyan size yeah whoever that's fucking is. I was thinking, John Henry. Johnny's brain wrong.

I know the sound of the air means Johnny's trying to sleep and that means it's time for Johnny's brain rot. So I called this one there's too many layers

to this one. Okay. We've got a tubby black woman with an air freshener. Oh, she's the passenger in a car dancing around.

Okay. Is it. Is it. is retarded? Yes. She's down syndrome. And her mom is driving and filming her. Her mom's.

Her mom's is driving. Mom's is driving. Mom's being a whip. Yeah. But so she's got the fucking driver's head steering wheel on and like distract. Oh, she's pretending to, oh, I see that now. The retarded girl has a pretend steering wheel bolted to the dash.

She's training to be a woman driver, but like a Chinese woman driver. She's actually teaching. The woman driving had a drive. That's, you know, I knew I was missing the puzzle piece in this, the rainbow-colored puzzle, and that was it, dude. This is a women's driving instructor.

You want to take your eyes off the road. You want to look at your passenger while you're driving them. Make sure you turn the radio up. Make sure you look at the radio when you're turning it up. Yeah, so we all know that song. She's a Lady. By Tom Jones. I call this one, she's a couple ladies.

The Ashley Warren. This is my favorite. one of the series yet. She has a series of dancing around like a hippo. Well, check this out. She dresses in different themes. She'd added the Olive Garden here. Is that the thing?

And Baskin Robbins. Just we'll see. Outfits inspired by fast food logos. Oh, God. But she always knows her place. She's got stars. Bro. Okay.

That was the. Baskin Robbins outfit And she has like the fat guy hat The fat guy hat is pink and purple That's like a canon event for fat people You need the fat guy hat Who's what logo is this Can we guess?

Yeah I know what it is It's purple and has like a jungly pattern on top of it I don't know what is it Olive Garden Oh because it's olives Okay it does look like the logo She's a couple ladies, dude This is the best fat fashion show and only good fat fashion show I've ever seen

I was kind of like fuck Couldn't even be mad at it She doesn't even have anything pulled up her ass No, she's showing up. There's no shapewear in this We'll see Olive Garden, okay Okay, looks like the hamburger Tiny red pants

and about 12 checkerboards on her shirt A pattern Black and white squares Oh, checkers Okay This bitch is dressing up like a fast food Catillion God she's got this bed she's next to

That has these That has like a Little fairy lights all over Christmas lights all over the top And this mausolean whatever it is Princess bed for a little girl

What is this? Why is that McDonald's? With a mustard Caftan The grimace And a maroon Why she has so many hats? It's a fat guy hat, dude

She's devouring fat guys That come over Leave their hats behind Oh fuck, she's murder, yeah She's eating all the CEOs Of these companies Always something nice to say What is?

Now she's got This is just a simple white And that's got to be chick filet Oh yeah Okay And a red dress She should have been eating a chicken sandwich Goodbye

Tata Tata Bye for now All right So this one's I call straight the tubi So this is what happens When people say

That they're like I'm a director I'm with this Some of that This is what they're out there doing all day. But what's your keys at? I'm gonna grab one.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm about to say, I'm gonna grab them. Okay, ready? Yeah. Action. This GTA 6? Perfect. Perfect.

Perfect. Yeah, so it's just like a guy like who I think is probably fucking these fat whales. And then it's like, yeah, you're gonna be in my movie, like you're gonna be. So it's like, all the pages is clips of these out of context, like fake behind the scenes. Yeah. videos that's like I would love to see more shitty movies dude follow this guy because he might if he ever releases one it will be fucking good what else does he have it's just that the audio is always so bad

he's got a dog here swimming pool damn he's just stopped filming shit and tired yeah man damn this guy knows how to party now good flow it's good flow in this man. Could flow out and fucking hem it. I believe it's going to be hot. So, let's get it in, guys. Where's the party? Pool party?

Happy Friday, guys. I guess. Damn, from two days ago. He must be, he must have rat. Oh, there you go. There's some more film stuff. Okay. You're going to need some ADR, man.

Yeah. You got to mic these guys properly. Unless they're going to come in. Okay. So anyone who's like, I'm a director, I'm like, no, I bet you are. And you remember the 90s toy of Mr. Bucket? Balls pop out of my mouth, yeah. It's fun, man.

There was this, somebody had a Plex server they shared with me, and there was like a, it was like a Breaking Bad movie it was called. And the description, I just saw a Breaking Bad movie. It was like, huh, that's interesting. I clicked on it. It was like, the main character from Breaking Bad joins with a, Julio Rodriguez And it was like 50 minutes It was like a fan made

Breaking Bad thing But it didn't work Every time I tried to watch it The link didn't work God that sounds fucking I tried so many times Well here's a Here's Mr. Bucket

Okay Because buckets A fun So this is this A guy eating his feet Sucking on his toes It's called the Hard Life Foundation And they try to show you

How Hard Life is in Africa So there's this guy Who's covered in calluses. This is really disgusting. It's a guy with no, like, thalidomide arms, flippers for hands. Sucking on it, sitting in a garbage can, like Oscar the Grouch. Sucking on a chili dog. Sucking on his chili dog feet.

Ugh. With a little vinegar arm right there. I'm going to throw up. Oh, God, I'm going to throw up. He's got giant calluses on his feet, like black, scab-looking calluses. So he's just going to town on them toes. Oh, God, okay, that's enough. Again, he's crawling.

It's all this fucking weirdo with flipper arms. Oh, maybe he could be our new Crip Daddy. Oh, maybe. He could Crip Mac's little cousin. Look, he's so fit. How is he so, he's in better shape? than me. Well, because he's got to

fucking crawl everywhere. Didn't you know how much energy that takes? He's got to crawl, he's got to carry his bucket with him like a fucking hermit crab everywhere goes. Bro, just kill me.

What is the what is carrying water? His teeth, he's carrying a big bucket of water. Down the street. Donate today, man. Looking like the thing. Like John Carpenter is the thing.

It's like when someone tries to steal shift from my camp and fallout. then I half smoke them This is horrible It's fucking horrible This gotta be one of the worst things I've come across

But Give them some wheels You get from some wheels on them They haven't invented that yet It'll be another Ten eternities Okay Goodbye

Goodbye everyone Oh, God.