The Dick Show - Episode 526 - Dick on Late Payments

Episode Date: October 7, 2026

My frigerator stops running, an all-women execution squad, the Cornell Seven, cloud gaming, the League of Women Voters, Vivek tries to pick up a kid, Post Partum Psychosis, and extra schizo voicemails; all that and more this week on The Dick Show

The emails when somebody fucks up are short, you know? They're straight to the point. Where the fuck's my money, man? Where the fuck is my money? It's October now. Where the fuck's my money? Where's any of my fucking money? Vito?

Give me my fucking money. What date is that that you saw? September 30th? Look at this shit. Look at this shit. August. Send it. August.

August. September. October. seven days ago, give me my fucking money. I say net 30 on all my invoices. Net 30, yeah, yeah. But then it's really net two before I start saying. Do you hear that?

Yeah, I can hear it. I'm on a net 360. 360 days. Net zero. Like the internet provider. God damn it. Fucking give me my money. Dude, there's this like cosmically...

Fucking chicken. And what? Yeah, Nugget, right. Nugget, you fucking chicken McNugget? I've said the wrong way so many times. I don't know which one I'm saying anymore. Dude, he's chiseled McNuggett right now. He's fucking chisling my McNuggets.

Give me my fucking money. Write a fucking check. Give me my fucking money. Send a Zelle. Send a PayPal. I know you got money for DoorDash. I know you got money for beef and broccoli. Send me my fucking money.

Give me that fucking money. There's this thing going around And no one paying people God damn it I bet Carl gets his money I bet Carl does get his money I bet William the fridge gets his fucking money Where's my fucking money

William the refrigeridaire That's right I'm gonna sue his ass That's what I'm gonna do I'm gonna sue his ass Ass action lawsuit Give me my fucking money Run me that

What am I supposed to do I can't take the law into my own hands You need the long arm of the law I need the long arm I need Riley to dress up in a little cowboy outfit with a gay little hat little tiny hat

and have extendo arms like that guy that makes Wolverine claws on YouTube making an extendo arm long arm of the law I forgot what I was going to talk about happy Wednesday show everyone thanks for all your comments about

thanks for all your sarcastic comments about how there was no show while I was sick I really love being sick, taking care of a fucking baby. Every time he gets sick now, I get sick. You know? Sniffle's sick.

Dude, that's the worst thing apart about kids, man. It really is. The second sniff cough, anything, I'm like, oh, okay, I'm sick. Oh, well. See in a week. Just spit right in my fucking, and every time he figures out a way to spit into an orifice

of my eyeball, my fucking mouth this time. because out of nowhere he goes I'm like god damn it I shouldn't have laughed at that every time he did it up until now now it's not funny

man you know some people I've learned having a kid some people just they just have discipline in their blood yeah some women just have discipline and some men

I mean it might be some men too but I don't let my fucking son around men I don't know so and I don't know a lot of men that are really interested in discipline I don't know of that I don't know if I strike you

as someone who likes to hang around a bunch of disciplinarian males, but I don't. So. Oh, yeah. Old Pops is a real drill sergeant. Yeah, my dad. My dad, you have a conversation. And then at the end of the conversation, you give him a test.

What did I say I was doing? He's like, who? What do you? This test says I. Are you referring to me? No, I was referring to I, me. The other person in the conversation. What?

Oh, what for Sation? Conversation. That's what you were having on the phone. Nah, more of a monologue. You fruits, you young fruits with your conversations. Take it to Discord, Petto. That's what he would say. Oh, fuck, I forgot to turn the air off.

Oh, my mom's... My wife's not gonna like this one. Where's my fucking... I don't have money to run the air. Someone's not paying me my check. Someone's not running you. the solar bill. Where's my fucking Vig, man? Where's my cut? It should be cut off the top, not cut off the end. I get the prime cut. The big dogs got to eat. Give my fucking money, Vito! Where the fuck is my money?

You weren't supposed to see that email. I didn't want to bring up this on the air, but you happen to see the email, and if you don't talk about what's happening before the show, then it messes the whole show up. That's true. You're goddamn right. It's true. Presenting Dick Oh, the postpartum seminars are out

Everybody's HR has launched the postpartum Seminar Apocalypse Yeah! You want Dick, you need Dickley

You love Dick, you got it It's the show Rims of Contest Give me live from a mountain bunker Deep in the heart of the city of failure

I mean, I was Dick Mason Join me as always This Johnny the Audio Engineer How you doing, man? Dude. How you doing this Wednesday?

Is it Wednesday? Is it Wednesday? We're gonna be doing We're going to be doing some Wednesday shows for a while. I got bad news for you. Dude. It's Wednesday, my dudes. It's Wednesday, my dude.

Wednesday is as good as any other day. I just feel like I'm on my heels during the week. Sunday, I feel like I'm back in charge. Like I got to lowered on my side. Wednesday, you're getting rocked from every which way. Man. You know? You got that right.

Sunday is nice and calm. So we'll see how we'll see how. do on a Wednesday show. Add a little turbulence to our days. It's going to be a turbulent month. I like it. And then we've got a bonus episode with Justin, I don't know when, sometime late October. Sweet.

Fuck, man. It's getting harder to schedule this shit. Dude. Harder and harder every year. You know what I realize is even worse about having kids, too? It's breakfast. Once you start doing like waffles or pancakes with syrup, dude, your whole life is going to be fucking sticky, dude.

This stickiness is My 80s girl is going to this bachelorette party Last weekend I said aren't you a little old to be going on? I said, aren't you a little old to be drinking illegally? I said, aren't you a little? She goes, what? What were you going to say?

Nothing. Something in my head that my headspace thought was funny. Something that my head mates thought was funny, but it's not. So what's this about a bachelorette party? Like a golden bachelorette party? That's cool, like the show. Everyone has to get their hair done in the little old lady. They got like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

We don't say that word. Not in the lady afros. They're called ladies of the evening. That's what I call. Ladies of the sunset. Lady, sunset, ladies. How many different, how many different euphemisms are there for old, Ladies, we gotta go to like the old lady dance troupe.

I guess, find out. Bag is not. A bag is not something they like to be called. Especially if you throw old bag. Look at this old bitch. Old bat is a good one too. Old bat. Nah.

He's like I'm going to this. Oh, there's a fucking clamp. I've been looking all over my house for a second fucking clamp because I was trying to build my son a fort and I could only find one fucking clamp in the whole house. Everything else was clamped. And I didn't want to declamp something. because then it's fucked. I'm never...

I got the ADHD bad. I got the ADHD bad like the end of midnight cowboy. I'm like, I got the AIDS, but I got... I'm in the bus. I got the ADHD real bad, Rizzo. I got the ADHD real bad, Rizzo.

I've booked the wrong bus. Again. I fucking... I've seriously booked wrong weak flights. Isn't that the worst? Trying to get the refund on that is fucking...

It's just... like a fuck you. It's a fuck you to people with my ADHD disability. I have a legit disability that means I cannot purchase flights on the right day. I don't know why. Every time I do it, it's always a big problem. I'll sit there and I'll look at it and then write it down and then I'll look at the date and I say, okay, October 17th, okay, write it down, October 17th. And then I'll look back at the thing where I'm going. It says, okay, October 17th. And then I'll go back to the screen and say, October 17th, okay.

And then I'll go back to the thing. I'll say, October 17th. And then I'll say, honey, it's October 17th, right? She's like, yes. I'll say, okay. Click. And then I'll get the confirmation email and it says, like, October 17th, 2027 is booked. Like, that's May 5th.

You've booked tickets for May 5th. Enjoy your trip. I'm like, this is, something's wrong with me. And now it's like, now it's a full-on. now I have a mental issue around it because I know I'm going to fuck it up. You got the airplane ticket complex. I got to entertain.

Airplane ticket complex. Dude, that happened to me one time I was trying to book a hotel and I was like, God damn, these rates are fucking phenomenal. I should stay here for a week. That's like, I said the same thing. And then I fucking look at the goddamn book and I'm like, wait a second, that's for a year from now.

I'm not going to give a fuck about this a year from now. And then I go back to the current date. I said the same thing. Wow, these tickets are really cheaper than I thought they would be. That's how I knew I was getting fucked. I got to put that in my, in my fucking, my rubric. My fucking two, my to-do rubric.

But I have a disability. I shouldn't be charged for getting the wrong day, flight. Can't the ADL do something about that? It's just a computer number, right? It is just a computer number. Like a fuck you computer number. Yeah, just go change the number somewhere. I got my, I got my election.

ballot in the mail. And I was looking at the voter ID one, you know? And it said, it's got all this stuff like why you shouldn't vote for voter ID. It's like it's going to cost us $10 million to do voter ID. And then it says proponents of it.

It's like Latino voters. Like every, like black voters, like people who graduated high school or like the supporters. And it says people who oppose. And it says the league of women voters. And I said, man, I've been wasting, I've wasted so much time trying to figure out the correct way to vote. I could have just been going off of the,

doing the opposite of the League of Women Voters. I've been, I always go to like the libertarian site, but then they don't, like, they don't have the right kind of heat that I want. Right. Like, I want people punished. I don't want people left alone. I want people harmed, you know, by the government. But then I go to the Republican one, and it's like,

I don't want those people harmed. I those that's me that you're describing I want other people harmed stupid people people who I'm not in the same race like I'm very I'm very specific you know Mexican and white people

nah they're okay but now I got to figure it out now I'm just going to go league of women voters opposite straight down the thing it's pretty useful pretty good tip for you how about that I have

I don't know if I don't know if things seem or smell a little off my house you didn't mention it when you came in but you're a nice guy They do seem off If something seems off right What happened?

I haven't had a refrigerator That's what was different Man Something felt a little more cavernous Something feels a little more feral around here we're eating hand to mouth

we're eating ass to mouth we're eating ass to mouth right we're eating ass to mouth it's not fun you're living out of a Yetty cooler dude you should I ask my neighbor

to borrow his cooler because I only have one Yeti cooler and he goes yeah he's this like rich Asian guy. Like super Chad guy, you know. Like he looks like he belongs in this neighborhood. I don't. I'm aware of that. You got a Robert Kiyosaki's dad.

He's young, too. Dan, he's like... His son, maybe. Yeah, his son. He was probably... He would probably be right at home in the Cornell 7. He's like, handsome. Corner 7. Yeah. You know, the Cornell 7?

Those guys that were raped by that... Right. That butch. large clitorist woman. Man, what a world we live in. Women know they fucked up with the Lindsay Clancy stuff. Women have been fucking up a lot lately. So now they're getting desperate.

And they need, now they're throwing out the old standards. Like, look, we were raped at a frat house because we're doing ketamine off each other's dicks. And then we fucked, and then we fucked all the guys' dicks that we were sucking ketamine off of. So everyone needs to go to, everyone needs to go to jail.

You want those guys to go to jail? No, all men. All men need to go to jail. Jokes on you, I'm already there. Jokes on you, half of us are already there. I don't get that joke. You need double jail. They know they fucked up with all the Lindsay Clancy stuff. So now they're just freaking out and like throwing shit at the wall. All you gentlemen out there perfect your Pruno recipes while you still have access to the internet.

Because you're going to jail. Because when we're all in jail together. We're all in jail, man. We're going to need some good pruno. I've already started working on mine, man. You can't be disinviting the gangbang girl from the party, though. That's kind of, like, you gangbang a girl. You can't un-invite her from the next party.

That's like, that's 101, man. That's girls 101. You can't do that shit. You'll go to jail if that happens. Pruno time. somebody should have taught these boys yeah okay cool gang banging that slut yeah

it's just like basic etiquette right basic etiquette you can't disinvite the gangbang girl from a party what are you thinking what are you fucking weirdos thinking where are your manners absolutely that's why you're going to jail you got no manners which I support see and that

and I don't want to be on her side but I mean frankly gentlemen first of all you're cock blocking everyone else to the party who wants a little bit of that free pussy, right? Everyone's bringing their ketamine bags and now. Send out the RSVP even. Like, put it in the email. You can't be disinviting that bitch from a fucking...

Because you know they caved to... You know they caved to pressure from women. That's what happened. She gangbangs those guys. And first of all, I mean, you... If you throw ketamine, a lot of this. a lot of this controversy is happening because people just don't know ketamine. I know ketamine.

You do ketamine, you are a meat golem. You went into basically another dimension. What happened might as well be someone else's dream that you're trying to remember. Don't try to tell me that you were whatever, sucked 10 guys' dicks while you were doing ketamine because you didn't do any of that. The fucking ketamine did. Nobody texting about ketamine. First of all, nobody's snorting ketamine off cocks.

Hasn't already blown through a couple bags of fucking ketamine. You're a ketamine dope fiend. Right. That seems like a extreme. It's the absolute worst drugs. It goes, liquor, more annoying, weed, more annoying, mushrooms. More annoying, ayahuasca, most annoying, ketamine. Yeah.

I take that back. Iwaska, Jesus, then ketamine. Below Jesus Christ. well it's meth first then Jesus that really makes Jesus just awful oh man meth prison Jesus deported stay keep this person away from me victory outreach counselor let me tune my hearing aids to delete this fucking frequency of it is a specific frequency too

somebody can say man the worst thing ever happened to me you're never going to believe it oh man really that sounds this sounds terrible what happened well First I did a bunch of ketamine. Oh, no, thank you. Not interested. You deserve it. Not interested in any of it. Anyway.

Was I... Well, it's like I didn't start smoking weed by just smoking, like, huge blunts all day. It's just like... Right. You start with, like, a bowl. And then you're like, okay, like, over the course of a couple months. They're like, ooh, maybe I'll try a joint. These guys tricked me into snorting ketamine off their erect penises.

Oh, wow. You refer to it as ket already? Yeah. Wow. What have you? hike Mount Everest after, or climb Mount Everest after like a small hike. There I was getting gang banged on Mount Everest. All of it, all of it's happening because people just don't know it.

People don't know how deviant and hardcore into drugs and, uh, uh, what's the detached, uh, what is, what's the disassociative? Oh yeah. Yeah, people don't know how addicted to like disassociative, uh, mental states. Someone is a hardcore ketamine addict. Right. Is, right? It's not a, you can't treat this like a real person.

It's not, it's a drug. Anyway. I've watched it ruin many lives. Oh. And annoy many more. Bug the fucking shit. Tug the shit out of me. Hey, let's party.

I'm gonna do some ketamine. Okay, well, you can party with the beanbag then. Yeah. I guess I'll just fucking listen to music by myself. Rather sit in the corner and read through every card against humanity. and force a laugh out than fucking party with any of that. You can't un-invite that bitch

from the party though, guys. But you can't un-invite that bitch from the fucking party. Put her in the corner. So what happened is she's hype about the disassociated gang bang and then chicks throw a fit about it.

It's really a problem with women. Like all things. This is really a woman created problem. Then they get all pissed off at her for showing guys how easy it is for them to put out you know you mean you could have done this at any time only for money

right like Roger Rabbit right pulls his hands out and then Eddie says you could have sucked my dick at any time and he goes only for money except that's women the money part rhymes the original line is only when it's funny oh

that's right it's been a few years since we've seen that I was having a day Unlike any other I was watching my credit card statement As I do That's a day that usually ends in a gray hair or two for me And I said how's this possible How's this so low?

Is there some sort of a glitch? Were you looking at a year ahead? Was I looking at the wrong date? Is this next year's? Is this my 10 years ago, Bill? I checked my wife's I'm like is my I called the hospital

I said, is my wife dead? And they said, no. I said, huh, what could explain this low credit card bill then? I called the credit card people. They were like, no, sir, you're just, your credit card bill is just really low this month. I said, huh. Wow, I just about started to feel good. I laid back on my sofa, get ready to put on some goyslop,

and I heard a horrible sound from my fridge. I thought, oh, come on, man, no, that sounds like two grand. It sounded like the fridge was having an accident in its pants. Like a pee sound, pee. Oh, no, man. Sure enough, dead fridge. All my shit's starting to go bad. All my priceless, on my antique cheese and shit.

All my syrups. all my baby food all my fucking frozen salmon like a whole fucking Atlantic River over there dude I had the best old meats in there frozen solid I asked my neighbor on my cake

can I borrow a cooler I only have this one Yeti he gives me he gives me a cooler that he must have got an antique sale or something he's too young for you see that thing up there the blue one on the counter

No, I'll look at it again It's not mine He wrote his name on it too I'm like, who the fuck would see? What the hell's going on? Let me ask a different neighbor You have a Tesla and you have this piece of shit Cooler

Same build quality Is there even any vacuum in here? Is it just styrofoam? Just the air gap is open The lid doesn't even seal You keep your food in this? Foof Do you swim with your shirt on too?

Are you hiding a Mexican under there? I thought you were Chinese. That's his joke cool. in case they have to borrow one. In case some joke comes around needing to borrow a cooler, give them this piece of shit. You think they're next door laughing their asses off? Probably. Now I'm going to spy on them.

If they go to the beach or something, I'm going to go, I bet they have a good, I fucking guarantee they have a good cooler. I bet you they have three Yetis. You could have had four Yeties sitting up there and they're just living in fucking life. I bet you they're using them now. I'm fucking cramming food in. cramming, right? I've seen you pack something before, so I hate cramming. There's probably like two ice cubes in the whole fucking thing and the rest of just...

You know how much fucking ice is, dude? I'm spending like 10 bucks a day for fucking ice now. And I... And I... God damn it. And 80s girl said to me like two weeks ago, do you think we could get a new fridge? and I said what, like a new like a new coat of paint or something on this fridge? Because this fridge is perfect. She probably sabotaged it.

I was going to say, do you, your first mistake is your first not immediately being, what did you do to the fucking fridge? Look, I got a lot of mysteries that I'm tracking. My wife with the fridge. The neighbor's good cooler.

I'm going to stake that motherfucker out. Do you think it was the neighbor's ploy to have to force your hands? into using a shitty cooler? I don't know who benefits, but I know what I'm smelling is not good. It's not what the rock is cooking. It's not what the rock is cooking.

Do you think someone played a joke and put pee-pee in your fridge? Peep in my cooler? Oh yeah. That too. It's a pee-filled cooler that when you free, you know. So I said, all right, I got to get a new fridge. Whatever.

Fuck me. There goes the credit card bill. There goes my life. There goes my social security. Now I'm going to be raped. by immigrants. Mm-hmm. Whatever.

So I load up to Home Depot and I'm like, you know what? It's like the fridge. Like I can't get it right now. It's like not going to be here tomorrow or something. It's like three days because everything now, nobody has anything. No. It's all, everything is in Mexico. And when you order it, three guys who don't use a dolly carry it on to some shitty

jolopy and drive it across the border. Have you seen that fucking fridge strap? What fridge strap? You've never seen the fridge strap? On the dolly, yeah, I've seen a fridge strap. No, two assholes put these things over their shoulders and they stick the things underneath and then they both like one guy in front one guy

and they just fucking walk it out. Yeah, it's being my fridge is being walked from Mexico right now. Dude, here's a mystery that I've been tracking. Speaking of things going and coming from Mexico, mattress trucks. Oh, really? You know what the fuck I'm talking about?

No. With those little shitty white Toyotas With like 20 mattresses in the back Yeah. Where the fuck, first off, are all those mattresses? How are they always full? What are they doing with them? That's what I have...

Do you think in Mexico people are like, you know what, I'll take that dirty fucking mess? They're lining the tunnels. Oh. They're lining the tunnels with those mattresses. Making rafts or something. Making rafts. But man, I just, every time I'm on my way over here,

Every time I'm going, anytime I'm driving, I see a fucking mattress truck or two on the freeway. So I go on Home Depot and I'm like, ah, I don't want to wait till, I don't want to wait till Saturday. It's Chavez. That's like, yeah, that's like, that's too many days. Should you get the Chavez fridge? I go to Lowe's and it's like, it'll be here on Friday. I was like, oh, yeah, all right. I don't know about, I don't know anything about Lowe's, sure.

So I get it, of course. Friday comes It says oh never mind It'll be here Saturday I was like okay that's cute So you guys just like Make shit up to They fucking do man

So then I says Then Saturday I get an update Um Or my I figured out my wife was tracking it She's like it's not getting here on Saturday I said yes it does It's said

Never mind it's not coming Friday It's coming Saturday See here's the receipt that I got And she goes Why don't you read that receipt, moron? So I look at it and it says, your fridge water connector will be there on Saturday. The real thing is coming on Monday.

I said, oh no. Why the fuck would they do that? Why would you do that? It's amazing. Why would you send me a fucking email? Why would you separate them? Hey, we sent you the batteries. Your RC cars come in fucking two weeks from now.

They said, all right. It's just a couple more days. of buying ice every day and eating weird probably bad food green eggs and ham dude green eggs and ham okay

you gotta do a military ration channel and be like that guy fucking who disappears mysteriously after eating some fucking crazy ration so I said all right Monday and be fine Sunday night says oh just kidding fridge is not coming Monday

It's coming Wednesday, so I said that's it. That's it. Early Monday morning I call it. Listen to you, fudge packing piece of shit. Right. Cancel this. I never want to talk to you. Put me on the black list. And-ann-ann-ann-ann-n-n-n-lan.

Right? Hit them with the old dumbasses from Damascus. So I go to Home Depot and I'm like, all right. Buy it. You go to here on Wednesday. Okay. Same so nothing. All right.

Wednesday, bye. Purchase. I get another email. Sorry. Actually, just kidding. It's coming here on Friday. Man, you guys are... A week without a fucking fridge.

A week and a half. Ugh. I don't even know how to eat anymore. It's gonna start chewing on the table. It's infuriating. It's really like... I really understand Africa a lot more and why they're like this.

Just zero maintenance. It's just no fridge, you know. No water. Fuck it. I'm just going to start acting like crazy. What does anything matter? I don't have a fridge. No cold drinks?

Just room-tempt drinks? Oh, that's the worst. I got to drive to Jack in the box, so I want a cold soda. It's like living in fucking Britain. Nothing but hot coffee. A bunch of warm beers. So my wife's going to this Bachelorette party.

Did you call it the Bachelorette? Bagsd party. and he's like, all right, uh, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna leave. And Donnie goes, a chew. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Done. Okay. Done.

You're leaving me with him? Sick? I'm gonna get sick. And then everyone's gonna be upset because I didn't do a show on Sunday. That I sound like shit. And I can't think straight. It's like, yeah, I got to. to go do this thing. See ya.

Peace out. Better look next time. I said, okay, fine. So then I get a message the next day late at night. Just like I'm coming home. Like, what the hell? Why? Apparently this, they rented this

big Airbnb, right? But the power went out. And it's like 110. It's a bunch of of shit-faced chicks with no just sweltering heat no music

no internet all complaints oops all complaining oops god damn I would have that's good for you man um

have you heard of cloud gaming what else do I got here oh yeah Lindsay it never seemed practical to me you know I had even heard of it, but then we're trying to play, we're trying to play a video game. Trying to play re-animals. You know, anything can break, take our minds off this fridge fiasco.

And it's like, it's like the usual, the usual torture of, oh, what's your password, log in with your Microsoft Live account, you know, go here, go here. It takes like an hour and a half. Do the updates, updates freeze because they can't figure out a way to update the progress. And I don't know why, I don't know why they can't figure out how to weigh. make the bar climb the whole time, but eventually there's a part where it stops, and it's like the dark side of the moon,

and you just like, okay, I guess it'll just start counting again. I guess everything else on this fucking display works except counting how many bytes has moved over. They can't just guess it, it, and just time it. Just make a timer that goes 10 minutes. Show me anything that's working. Anyway, we do all the updates. reset the passwords, reset the other passwords,

go through the janky website, bolted on interface. I said, all right, we got the game. Reanimals, there you go, you're set to my wife. You set here. Take the controller and go buy your game. Everything's hooked up. She goes to get the game, reanimals, on the Xbox. And she's like, uh-oh, it won't work.

What do you mean it won't work? this is like this is tried in true technology here buying video games playing video games she's like I don't know it said something before I bought it I said what did they say because I don't know

I didn't read it why didn't you read it because I wanted to play the game so bad because it's been like an hour of updating and resetting passwords I just wanted to play the game so I skipped it I said but you know something

you know something was a warning or something right aware enough of what it may be said and that it's not working now. So I looked into it and it was like, you're sitting trying to play the game and it says, oh, you got to do cloud, you have to buy a cloud gaming pass to do this game, which is like 15 bucks for five hours a month.

You get five hours of, it's like a sci-fi dystopia. They count your gaming hours and you're paying for some other computer. to render the shit and feed it to you with like intolerable lag? Pay enough for tokens already. What do you mean I need tokens to fucking play? What do you mean I need tokens to video game?

Is that Indian chick in charge of Xbox responsible for this? That might be her best move yet if she is. I've never seen something like this before. Like a collect call to play a video game? Get Caratop back for that one. You try to kill him. right he's probably gonna again I imagine he should it's been a long road for that guy I saw him at church after he tried to kill himself like coming out of church oh that picture yeah

and he still got all that eyeliner on is that like his eyes does he at is he actually colored like that maybe maybe he tatted it on was he wearing is he wearing eyeliner to church it looks stupid like he looks like Marilyn Manson you're telling me keratop looks stupid that's fucking news to me can he shave his hair or something He doesn't look good. If he shaved his head and just started saying he was like a Howie Mandel impersonator, that would be his funniest bit, yeah. He should pull a Kramer. Yeah.

You know, that would be cool. Do the exact. Do the exact bit. Then he'd be like a darling of the alt right. Turn it into the new aristocrats joke, right? Try to kill yourself? You should have done it on stage. Blown his brains out on stage.

Let Gallagher's... One of his props, you know? Props gone wrong. I was on set recently, and they brought a rubber gun out, and they made everyone go around and hold the rubber gun. Everyone needs to see it. It's a rubber weapon.

It's a rubber weapon. I'm like, okay. Isn't that more dangerous? Because you could just swap it out with your own, real gun. Well, I wanted to take it and, like, fucking hold it up against my head. And you're like, yeah, yeah.

They never think that's funny. people who work with guns. No, it's they don't think it's funny. I think it's hysterical. I'm like, well, if it's a rubber gun, what the fuck doesn't matter? Unless it's a real gun

unless it's a real. You didn't check it, did you? I checked it was rubber. It was like holding a big eraser, and I'm like, well, then what the fuck's the point? It was a, like, totally rubber gun? Yeah, it was... Not even metal?

No, totally, like, it looked the part, but was not it at all. Got to get a real one. well then they brought a real one out and we're like this is the real gun now and I'm like well then what uh always something man

did anyone else get accused of rape this week I don't know I don't know someone probably did they got a women got to build up there is at again well statistically speaking

that's always happening around the world at some point or another it's happening everywhere in this house I saw this there was some woman that wrote an op-ed about the Cornell 7 people and it was basically like

women need to start taking accountability for their whoring and not just saying it was rape for it. I said, wow, okay. Bold stance for this day, age. You found a woman to write that? Whoa.

Could have found a man. If you found a man to write that article, that would have been a bold statement. Find a woman to write that article. to write that article? Come on. At what point are we going to get... Remember in the old days when it was like, well, this...

This woman actually took on this pseudonym of such and such so that everyone would... What if it was just a guy writing with a woman's pen name? Oh, yeah, with like an AI. Just like fucking... Yeah. Taking it back like 100, 200 years or so.

Yeah, who... Didn't Benjamin Franklin do that? The original Quirk Chungas? Yeah, he wasn't a farmer? what was he doing writing a farmer's almanac his original title was that an almanac right

then the FCC got involved I said we can't publish this something else that starts with FAA why not I'm not a farmer though that sounds the same he's a farmer of sorts come farmer

there was like a black guy and a Korean guy all kinds of rapists anyway in the article it said she was like sexual harassment is a big problem why this survey says um

uh over over a third of over a third of women have had unwanted sexual attention or penetration like wow that's a that's a big or that's a big or that's a big or

can you perhaps whittled can you perhaps carve out which is which can you tell me because I've had wanted sexual attention you know

but the penetration the penetration though that's like a big it's a big jump it's like from going to canad pabs to like a half a fifth right you're just like doing ketamine off of cocks

calling it cat um it's like are you I don't think you're serious I don't think this is a serious article if you're going to be Is there any single survey that just says it without the and? They probably can't because then the numbers would be like insanely low.

One in three, wow. One of three women have chewed bubblegum or been raped? Wow. That's crazy. This must be a big problem. How big of a problem? I couldn't say. If there's one thing I've learned is if someone's trying to tell you,

if someone brings up statistics in an argument, not to believe them. They're instantly lying. instantly like it's crazy how much of that shit you have you have to unlearn yeah well i remember being in statistics class not paying attention because i was too busy trying to not do work and every question i'd ask be like so wait sample size is just what you choose yeah okay so this is all just by own by my own metric that i'm judging something then yeah say do whatever you want trying to justify like oh so it's nothing then like it's all stupid yeah all of it is just

So dumb. Like the whole idea of like, ideas, debate. It's all so fucking stupid. Jobless and fatherless behavior. Such a fucking waste of time. It just exists to keep young men talking,

therapyizing each other, therapyizing each other until they're fucking too old like me to want to do anything. We need to be building skyscrapers with no fucking harnesses or nothing. We need assholes sitting up to. with the shitty tin lunchbox that's been cooking their food all day hanging off the edge of a building going yep i got to do this shit again tomorrow um saw a uh oh vivick tried to pick up a kid did you see that whoa that was funny he's still they're still having this election vivick it's ought to be over by now it is over it's the fucking year 4 000 at this point guy. Vivick. All right, let's watch the Vivek picking up a kid. Do do do.

Okay. Can you hear it? Yeah. Here we go. Now Vivek's giving a big campaign rally. For no reason he decides to pick up this child, 10 year old child. Vivik lifts him up. Uh oh, we got problems. The kids The kids flailing The kids got his arms The kid's doing a weird Triple Lindy kind of pose

His arms sticking out Ragdolling it Just no fault of the kids, right? Just some mild spinal trauma from fucking this guy This is like Vivik trying to pick up a kid's like women thinking They're taking a self-defense class

And they're going to put keys in their fist And fight off a rapist like did you never have you never picked anything up before do you not do you are you not generally aware of what you can or cannot pick up no because that's pretty normal that's a pretty normal you should always be looking at everything thinking you shouldn't even really need to think about it like i can't pick that up yeah no i can't pick that up instinct you should be such an expert at knowing what you can and cannot pick up or should or should not pick up even yeah um um Here's the crash out. Look, you can see the people behind him realizing that he's not... The women realize it first. See this one over here

and this one over here, they're like, oh, he fucked it out. Oh, dropped them. Damn, any called him fat? There you go. What an asshole. Oh, man. I don't know why people

are conflicted about. not supporting Vivek. Yeah, what's there to be, feel he wants to dump a million Indians on your head. That's it. That's what every Indian CEO wants. Dump, take whatever you have.

What's there to feel conflict? Yeah. Well, the Democrat is, it doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter. Yeah, she's an idiot. She's a fucking nightmare. But she's not going to dump a million Indians on your head. So what's the, so what is the fucking problem?

We're trying to control the Trying to put the fingers in the holes right now Yeah, we'll figure it out Figure it out later But what you definitely don't want Is one million Indians stumped on your head Which is what this piece of shit is gonna do Bragging about it

Yeah Well, we need to grow, grow, grow, grow, yeah, yeah I've heard it All this He's still on the meritocracy shit Which is another brain worm Mm-hmm. People got hit with.

And the Indians are getting very lippy on Twitter about it. Awful lot of words for... Man, you guys test really well. Is there a test about, like, where to shit? Cleaning up where you eat? Street. It's a good test. Look at where you're coming from.

That's a pretty good test. Look at this shit hole. How much garbage is in your river? Is there even water in that river? Is it just a mixture of oil, feces? What's the test gonna fucking do? Nothing. It's the Borg test.

How many of them does it take to figure out the correct answer? Yeah, and it fucks up, even studying for tests. It fucks up the whole point of the test. It's supposed to be like a test of natural aptitude, not how much can you cram for this worthless test? Yeah. You're fucking, you're studying, in this bragging about, studying, you're kind of like ruining the point of it.

It's not impressive that you could study for a test. It's the opposite. Totally disqualifying. The test isn't real. It's just a bunch of retarded questions somebody came up with to test your general natural aptitude. How you're studying. Do it in like five minutes and have most of it right.

That's just to do this day in and day out. Are we in a meritocracy or not? No. We're not. we're in the real world or everyone hates you yeah regardless of whatever you've

they're getting real they're getting fucking pissed man there's like any any Indian on no matter what no matter what side they're on something like this happens it's it's like

playing the same old racism playbook that is that was tired out in the 90s but I don't think I guess I don't think they I don't think they think they realize that it only works when people are afraid of you like coming to your house you know stealing your stuff killing you shutting your bank account down that's the only reason it

works uh okay what about what else do i got here some war war video let's see that one this is this is ukraine is still going to oh okay this is some footage of drone use Yeah In the Ukraine war These are drones that are dropping Thermite It looks like the beginning of Terminator 2

Where the robots are squishing on skulls Is that it? No, there's more of them It's drones Dropping lava out of the sky on you I think that we're done With a war Are you supposed to have a war

With there's helicopters Tiny helicopters Dropping lava on everybody Are you supposed to defend against that You gotta find like the Look at that shit God damn Oh man

It really sucks to be a human being When there's a bunch of robots flying around dropping lava on everybody Yeah cool Jesus I thought we weren't supposed to Didn't they like They got to keep warfare

So that poor people will still die for it Right Right Because if you say like nerve gas and stuff It's like well we can't use that Because then poor people Poor people aren't going to go Get gassed

Like they're not that stupid Everyone's getting the lava drones Yeah now everyone's getting lava drones Like well we can't use lava drones Poor people aren't they're not gonna go Get lava dumped on them That sounds like some shit you would make up In elementary school

Trying to like fucking like man this class is so boring I wish um lava drones would come over and like fucking melt this whole school you know sounds like a video game upgrade right drop lava drones fuck yeah good luck it's just so outlandish that you wouldn't think such a thing could exist yeah seriously here we are um okay

let's see what we got here a piece of shit robot aren't they all this one looks looks pretty good piece of shit robot where is it are you afraid of AI

yeah this one I think I thought this was a joke when I saw flourish look this guy he's gonna tool around your house helping you out

the fuck he's picking up your shoes oh my he's fucking takes him 10 minutes to pick up your shoes It's a joke, right? Flourish robots? Charlie, you hear the music?

Look at that. 4 grand. This piece of crap with a little Chinese hat. It's a fucking render, too. Oh, is it? It looks like it. It does look like it.

He's there with your kids. You never see anything with natural lighting still have that mat of a fucking perfect finish. I don't know. I thought things were going to be better. I thought things were starting to get better. But this is like Tinker Toys shit. Look at this thing.

What's the fucking brick he rolls around with? It's like a fucking rolling vape. How can we be dropping lava on humans, but you can't even pick up shoes properly? I can't wait for it to trip over my Roomba and eat shit. Yeah. I don't know. I hope it's fake. Wasn't that fucking Osimo robot that Honda built all those years ago better than this shit?

What happened to that thing? I think about that all the time Because then I saw it's just something we're never gonna get man Like it it sucked just as much It didn't suck It wasn't any cool asimo Yeah Osamo

Asimo Yeah Fucking cock sucker motherfucker But like I remember seeing that as a kid Being like oh shit maybe this is gonna go somewhere And then it was just like ended up being like Freddy Wong videos with Boston Dynamics Dogs that you kick endlessly

Yeah Um Okay, Cornell 7 Yeah, I talked about that Alright, let's do comments Oh my god, it's already one Jack Rockstar says The worst part about horses is the time they take

My girlfriend has two horses Two horses, whoa Goodbye horses, yeah And she's out at the barn Literally every day from 3 to 630 It sounds like you need to get her a couple more horses horses for everybody Wait, so if it's about an hour

15, right? Yeah. Or no? This is a life hack, man. You got problems with your wife? Get her a fucking horse. Get the hell out of here. They just cost the lot, those are fucking dogs.

Oh, they do? Yeah, horses are a shit. Can't we time share a horse? But then they can't be gone every day. Right. Why do they cost so much? Just eat? Eating?

Like any luxury, right? You have to, it's not so much that you're paying for the horse. You're paying for the woman. to be away all day. So they know they got you. The horse people know they got you by the balls. Fucking premium right there. God damn it. You want to think today?

That's going to cost you. Maybe there's like a picture of a horse that they could go look at. That you could take a picture in front of, perhaps? Yeah. They can't split a horse because they got to think they have a special relationship with the horse, right? That's the whole point of it, I think. And like which way

would you split it? Like lengthwise, width wise, like. Down the... Someone gets the butt. One one one gets the ass into the horse and the other one gets the face easier to costume wise it makes sense yeah we gotta find a way to get cheaper horses so all women could have them and fuck off the hours or like you know oh yeah smaller breeds they seem cheap though pony seems cheap well then they're like beer commercials that she can't write it anymore so it's like it becomes you gotta stay skinny you gotta get a clyde's day and that's like super premium that's like uber

He's on to something, though. Jack Rockstar is on to something. You get your girlfriend a horse, get her the fuck out of the house for three and a half hours. He may even mean 3 a.m. until 6.30 p.m. I truly don't know. Man, that would be great. Meesh said a red dwarf reference in 2026. God bless you, Dick. Alexi. Dick has veto paid you your 25% on the biggest problem yet?

Have you seen any money yet? No. Inquire. inquiring minds would like to know I mean what it was can the excuse be oh it's just so crazy it's just so crazy not having a door or a job

my life's so fucking crazy I remember when PayPal first hit the scene and even that was a little rough trying to like figure out like yeah to transfer from my bank wait two three days five to seven back then turned into credits it was it

it was a whole fucking ordeal to try to do nowadays instantaneous It's more convenient than ever To fucking pay people It's hard not to pay Probably when Guvito pulls up that email

It probably says would you like to pay this person? Click yes or no Yeah No Ignore Dude that's the first thing Anytime I get something in It's like okay everyone gets their cut

I knew it was a bad deal Maybe Carl will pay me He can invoice Vito Gotta get a stereo With all those invo Carl's got to be making some bucks off that show There's no way he's splitting in 50-50 Because he's doing more than 50% of the work

He's doing like 98% of the work So start there Carl's bringing in the problems Carl's bringing in the audience Carl's bringing in the heat Carl's bringing in the media production experience Carl's bringing in experience Carl's bringing in the professionalism

Dude when we were in Boston There were professional little screens everywhere. Like, it was fucking as official as you could possibly want, man. That deserves a bigger cut. I bring the party. Carl brings the professionalism. What's Vito bringing? Who knows?

Late payments. Lay payments. Interest. I'm going to start charging interest. Motherfucking interest. Well, again. I'm going to take it out of Vito's booty. I'm going to start claiming toys as my own.

They can buy them. cash this in all right but that's how he's gonna hold it ransom so he can buy him off you pay my fucking money let's see gonna send that little robot

to Vito's house to collect the check Timmy sent this in Tennessee woman Christina Pike get out of here oh Pike Jesus Christ fucking McDonald's ads

makes a special request days before execution. Oh yeah? Christina Pike has horrible nightmares. Her nerves are shredded. In eight days, the 50 year old who killed her friend when she was a teenager will have her worst nightmares realized

inside the execution chamber. Who wrote this? Well, so since you haven't seen it, this lady's going to get they're going to give her death by lethal injection. Uh-huh. So she requested an all-woman team and they fucked it up. Shocker.

Yeah. So a few people wrote to me and were like, is this a good loophole now? Like if you're on the death penalty, just ask for all women. I have a firing squad. I'd like every woman on earth to try to shoot me. Thanks. It'd be like how Rhodesian's found all those guns just pointed straight to the sky. Death by getting flattened by a car.

I'll just stand in the middle of this parking space. It shouldn't be any problem for you to kill me. As long as you don't stand next to the only street lamp in the parking lot, you should be fine. I would like death by putting the caps back on things and screwing them down not just putting the cap there so it looks like you put the cap on It's when you grab it in the moot

When you grab it like this It fucking blows shit everywhere And now you got a fucking mess I like death by I don't care if I didn't lock your car Last night It happens Death by eating food on time

And not like two hours past the window I would like death by figure out what you want to eat leave me out of it that would cause death in them first do you think that was a thing like back in the fucking

cave man days the women would bitch about back in caveman days I know you spent all day fucking taking down this mammoth but I really want a tiger tonight it's like are you fucking kidding me 100% that they would bitch about that oh my even back then it was just like there's only two things that we know about in existence

because we're early man fire and even one fucking thing we don't have. Did you have to shit so close to the cave? I can smell it. I don't want to get eaten. That GPEG. I see you reading those dirty inscriptions on the wall.

You messed up the house. You drew all this shit all over to what you're doing all day with your friends. That's cool. Dude, imagine not even being able to get hammered. This is me and Randy. Fucking fighting this big buffalo. Let's check it out. Now everyone can see it.

The only reason you could tell is you or Randy is. two little diagonal lines. But yeah, so that was what I gathered from this story anyway. They botched a lethal injection? Yeah. They also say her death by lethal injection will be prolonged and agonizing. Why don't they just have a vet do it? Right.

They don't, do they fuck up killing dogs? I don't really hear about it, but maybe they do. She has a rare blood disorder that could make finding a vein more difficult. So chop her head off. That'd be cool. Yeah. So if, uh, see how to find a vein. Lethal injection will increase the likelihood of an eighth amendment violation.

Jesus Christ. So she's going to go free because they, because our legal system is like a joke. Yeah. It's like a silly, it's like a silly, like Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland kind of, you know, pageant. It's the dog and pony show, dude. It's just, it's just full of these like silly, stupid rules. The whole thing is dumb. The whole like trial by jury is stupid.

All of it's including this one. Can't try to kill her again. Because of some rule, a loophole and fucking Calvin ball. Now she's free. All right, whatever. Oh, that was from Hendrix. Cool. Please God tell me he saw this. Yeah, I saw it.

Terry says, Justin, U.S. boomers overwhelmingly support higher taxes. on younger workers to maintain their current social security benefits. Poll shows. Hilarious. That's a good one. It's, I wish that, I wish that someone would somehow tell boomers

that all of these, all of their favorite little pets, illegal immigrants, are going to cost them, well, I wish someone would try to convince them of that. Like, look, we can't pay, we can't support some money, Somalia and you at the same time.

Yeah. We can't, we can either, either you get a second vacation home or these Somalians get a second vacation home. You got to pick one. There's is a mansion in the U.S., that's their vacation home back, back from Somalia, or you get a vacation home. But it can't be both. But the sad part is, is it can be both, and it will be both. There's just so much, there's just so much more they can take from us. I can't wait to be old, man, because I'm going to be.

Once I hit like 50 in a few years, I'm just going to fucking... Oh, I did mean to say that because I am senile. Oh, oh, oh. You got to let it slide because I'm old. Whoops, because I'm old. It's funny that they're producing these surveys. I guess people don't really understand their enemy yet. But the U.S. boomers would overwhelmingly support higher taxes on younger workers

to maintain current social security benefits. Yeah, obviously. We don't need to tax young people at all to give social security benefits because the money's all made up and it's running a deficit every year. There's no reason not to just ramp up the deficit at 100%. No reason to pay it down at all.

It's just burning your money. But ignoring that, boomers would support boomers would support killing younger people for fun. Oh, yeah. They don't like us. They don't want us to be around. Younger people are a reminder that they are no longer young.

It's not about supporting their lifestyle. It's not about taxes. It's just about killing you or at least making your life miserable. That's the only thing boomers care about. They don't, they're not like, they don't understand retirement in any way that's, they're just as, they're just as dumb as people our age were. except they're old. So they've all lost

five to ten IQ points just from age. And just being so far out of touch. And being on like Vioxx for 20 years. Yeah. They don't have, they don't have any neuroplasticity left. They don't have any thinking,

they're not any thinking going on. They're not like weighing the pros and cons. They just hate you. They hate young people and they want to kill you. And taxes are a good way of doing that. The more young people killing themselves, the better. The more young people getting

raped and killed by foreigners, the better. You know what the biggest most egregious boomer sin to me, I think is? The fact that they're keeping America's funniest videos a lot. That's still a fucking show that goes on. You know what? They have an

Instagram account. Right. Didn't YouTube fucking kill that? Stale Army should have killed them. They're still kicking around. It's so crazy, man. Man, I found the I found the funniest Instagram channel

It's called Red Racing I think And it's like It's I think the game There's this game That's like a racing simulator Like a NASCAR simulator Called I racing maybe

Oh and it's the guy who spins them all out Yeah He just causes crashes But I guess it's I guess the people playing it Take it really seriously Well so I didn't realize this But this is like Grand Turismo

In that it's not like Oh you know you go play a quick arcade racing game. It's, you spend like a half hour to fucking an hour per race. And so these guys look at like 40 minutes into a race and he just is like meh. And he's like,

oh hey, you guys remember this trick? And he puts on this fucking voice and then they're like, oh no, not this fucking guy again. And he spends him out of the other like, God fucking God damn it. I'm reporting you. I'm reporting you. Just fucking kill yourself. They're so angry. Dude, because it fucks up. They're like online ranking and stuff. And I think

dude, I remember being a kid losing for the first time in a rank match and the game was like devastated. I was like, I'm never going to be fucking recover from this. Yeah, and now I'm just like, you know what? I don't want a high rank. I just want the lot. I just want to go have fun and maybe ruin someone's day

along the process. Oh, it's great. Dude, it's so funny. Well, because like another one I've been watching too, there's this guy, Keltech who goes around and he plays all these like GTA Sims and stuff like that. And there's this one where like

people will, it's like they're living in the hood. So he'll like try and like sell people like, yeah, I'll sell you this car, I'll sell you this house, whatever. So they put like all the money up front on the ground. And he grabs it and puts in like a Pop-Tart. And so they go to check it and he's driving away in the car. He just sold them. Or like, and people spend- simulator?

Yeah. Like a ghetto simulator? Yeah. And people fucking spend all this time like hustling and getting it. And he just scams the fuck out of him. And they're like, what the fuck is this? And he's like, eat it and drives away. And it's like, damn.

And he gets them every time. I can't watch Red Racing at night because I'll wake my wife up. I'll wake the kid up. Like I always start looking at it. And then like 10 seconds, then I'll like, no, no, I can't. I can't. I'll laugh. I'll start laughing too hard.

I love when it looks all normal. And it's like, it looks like the car is almost parked. And then he just, like, straight into the end. And then it's like, yep. Someone's like, get the fuck out of you. Get the fuck out of you. Kill yourself. I'll kill you.

I'll lose it, man. Um, yeah, so I'm not surprised that I'm not surprised that boomers would I don't know why they even put these studies out. Yeah, boomers hate you. They hate you, they want to kill you. Taxing is the least of your problems. Braltz, Mick Marlinmanson.

Another woman couldn't put a cap on a container and speak of the devil. The scientist that dropped a test tube with a deadly plague has been identified it as Darya Shiplova Oh, is this the woman that caused the plague in Russia? Is it going to be another COVID?

Did it look like a little hamburger in the vial or something? No. Why are we got so many people fucking around with diseases? Like, what is the... What's the thinking here? Man. So many. Why are so many places fucking around with diseases?

It's like, when those assholes were fucking around with the demon core, man. At least that is, at least that's heavy. You know, you gotta need a lot of machine to make a nuclear bomb. Heisenberg was trying to make one schlepping a lab through Germany at the end of the war didn't work out. But little, little viruses? Yeah, but fucking around with it at night and you're like, oh, like, fuck. Fuck.

Why do we have, why do we, why are we letting women, why are we letting a 23-year-old woman within a hundred yards of a virus getting out? the fuck out of here Shouldn't even let them within Shouldn't even be on the planet With a woman You got any women on your planet Then you're not having no viruses on that planet You're not fucking around with any viruses on that planet

Then get out of here Computer or otherwise Why is this so important Why is it so important that we We can't use them Right What if that's what she was being used for Well we can't have

Testing them Competent scientist fuck this up Why don't you go do this? Yeah go Hey Butterfingers you go in there and fiddle around with COVID-2. That virus we're calling COVID-2 for fun. A butterball and or fingers.

Butterface. Why don't you get your butterfingers in there and fuck around with the new virus? With the butter virus? Every time I see anything about virus, like, what? Like, okay, nuclear bomb, dangerous, nuclear power. Save the human race. So obviously we're not going to use it. Right.

But fucking around with viruses. What the fuck is this going to do? am I going to eat a virus? Are you using it to wipe out Africa? Because that makes sense? Oh, no. That's, oh, that's, okay, sorry for just asking questions. Then what's the reason?

I think AC Delco or whatever fucking car battery company has been doing numbers on Africa for quite some time. The recycling program. You see how these Somalian kids are like shot up a high school or something? High school football game? The cop. there's this funny press conference the cop the head of the police

gives there he's a black guy and he's like yeah you know the thing is like these kids are all rich they all have BMWs they're all well educated they just are involved in like tribal warfare from where they come from

so all these like concepts you guys have of well they just need an education and all these Sesame Street shit this is not a different kind of black guy okay it's not this is not it's not what's happening here. Yeah. He's laughing while he's saying it too.

It's like, the stuff you guys are saying is not, they have plenty of money. Don't worry, they have all your money. We found what happened to the money. They have it. Are we getting like cures? Are we making viruses and then curing them?

What's the deal? That's kind of, I think, what they do just to be like, well, if there's ever an outbreak of this, it's like, well, why does it exist in the first place? How come you guys get to do this and no one else gets to make cool stuff? I bet you, they're also spending the same fucking tokens, man.

I bet they are spending the same tokens Then I saw Open AI Has like a wet lab Like why are you guys You guys are obviously doing it just specifically To do evil things I know you're not In it for everybody

Fuck no No Bad guys Oh okay It's the bad guy Fucking extravaganza right now man We had another leak at a virus lab Okay shut them all down then

Get rid of them Make everyone who works there eat all the viruses. How are we going to cure them then? I don't know. Make people wash their hands more. Like, just tell them that like if you're worse than a pedophile, if you don't wash your hands. Say God gets really pissed off if you don't wash your hands. Well, for every time you drive your car without a passenger, there's a Nazi in your passenger seat.

Say, what's up, man? What's up, brother? Yeah, that's why I bought an empty bus to drive around. uh Mondays weekly says Talk about the owner of Newgrounds Tom Fulp deleted Chris O'Neill's account

when he was one of the oldest and largest creators of the site What the fuck is that Because Chris refused to acknowledge accusations of grooming Oh God From an ex-girlfriend Which she later admitted to be untrue

Why would that matter? Why does the last part matter at all? The first part is all this people Yeah to still be an active part of new grounds is to show that you're incapable of moving forward in life. It's whatever, I don't know. I think rape probably meant rape

when I was a kid in the 80s forcibly having sex with someone, penetrating someone. But it stopped meaning that a long time ago. It really did. so much so that I don't even know what the actual I don't even know how big of a problem

the actual problem really is because now it just means I didn't get what I deserved I didn't get to go to the party I thought I fucked these guys two at a time I thought I would get to go to the next party that's what I'm in deserving of

so rape They gang banged me. Right? They gang raped me. And everybody runs with it because they, everybody secretly knows, you know, the people running with it.

They know that's, they know that's what they're being charged of, not getting what I'm in deservement is. And that's really, it's almost, it's a more relatable crime, what rape has become versus what it started. It started at,

oh, you got raped? Like, I mean, I don't know. I would not like to be raped, but I can't really put myself in the mind of a victim because I'm not a woman. And so, I mean, it's funnier when it happens to me, right? It's not the same.

It's just not the same. But not getting what I'm in deservment of, that I get. That's relatable. Everybody gets that right away. So it's a more, they've taken a horrific crime that you can't really, most people can't really imagine. Most people can't imagine something that hasn't happened to them, you know? So women or not.

Men definitely can't imagine it. Definitely not breakfast this morning. Exactly, right? We're not really imaginative species, you know? despite all the reading rainbow promotions. It really never, imagination only caught on for a couple of people. So they took a crime, they took a crime with a horrific instantaneous punishment and just loosened it up, right? So it's more relatable.

Everybody can relate with not getting what you're owed. I certainly can. Everybody, everybody saying, talking about the Cornell gang rape. Everybody throwing clavicular or Danny Masterson under the bus. They all get it. A woman had sex She didn't get what she Is in deserving of and honestly

That's a lot That's a pretty Everybody involved kind of knows what that is You knew Oh thank you You knew you should have You knew you shouldn't have kicked her out of the party But you did it to Curry

You did it for other pussy Right You did it because well this other pussy This other free pussy over here It's not gonna come to our fucking party If we get the previous free pussy in Simple etiquette is all that's required These days

political etiquette. Not saying it's like that for everybody, but clavicular too, I think he's getting busted for something for some rape-adjacent crime. It's the same thing. Do you say please and thank you. Sometimes that's not enough.

Sometimes you've got to throw in the... Wow. This is who I really am. Indrid Cold sent this. Oh boy. This is anthrax? You know where all that anthrax shit came from? It was the guy who was running like the labs of defending against anthrax.

wanted an an was getting canceled so he created an anthrax scare then guess what more funding went to anthrax he got he got he got fired or killed himself for something he got i think he killed himself when he got when the fbi i suspected him because he did it uh but the department as a whole got funding you mean i'm that bribery pro on my hot dogs all these years for fucking nothing yeah what the fuck is this friends leg let's go this looks like a clip from a jc penny catalog all right right oh what is this you did your own like packing peanuts or something this is great Legos all right I don't know this is Ventures with Mario some stickers cool oh wow bunch of pornop bunch of Japanese pornography stickers is that a gaping

butthole sticker wait can't put these up anymore yeah I don't want my son seeing skinny women they're not going to exist by the time he grows up What is this shit that you sent us injured? Injured cold? This, uh... Anxiety, injured, cold is dead. And then he's got like a... Oh, it's a band camp redeem.

Okay, maybe we'll... We will redeem. We will redeem. This, um... I was re-watching Babylon recently. And, uh, there's this part where Margot Robbie's talking about, uh, trying to get films and, you know, trying to get roles and stuff. am I supposed to do with this? It's just a cassette with a Jesus Christ crossed on it.

Ooh, I'll take that. Can you listen to this? I can listen to this. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, Indrid Cold, thank you for just a... There's four of them. There's four. So thank you for this first one that's just a cross. Uh, what is this? The anxiety tape? I don't know. Well, what are you going to say? Oh, so, you know, Margot Robbie of all people, and she's talking about trying to get rolls in the 20s and stuff. And she goes, um, well, you know, they probably say, like my voice is stupid and all this, and you know that I'm too fat for a lot of roles. And it was like, man, even back then.

Women have always been fat. It's true, though. A lot of these guys, a lot of these problems are caused by, you know, you know what they thought they were in deserving of, and you thought you were going to get away with it, which is cool, but women figured that out. They figured out that you could lie So now they're gonna lie

Oh man So update your fucking mental model Because the free pussy time Is not today They're gonna they're all gonna come back And the whole like This stick of like Taking accountability

That's like something That's like word sell bullshit for retards That's not the world we live We're never gonna live in that world again It's you lied Oh yeah I'll show you he's lying I'll show you who's a big fucking liar Yeah.

Oh, I didn't get what I wanted? You're not going to get what you wanted, Bucco. I'll tell you that. Hit him with that. That's it. Coming out of the booth. He's giving me a bunch of cassette tapes shapes on them.

Dude. This one's a square. I'm going to listen to all of these cassettes and I will give a review on them. Is this what it looks like inside a cassette? I've never seen inside a cassette before. This one has a heart. Well, this is what we all actually look like on the inside.

We're actually record, for those of you watching, we're actually recording to this right now. Okay, listen to those and tell me what you think. All right. I'm not buying a... I spent all my money this month on a fucking refrigerator that I don't have. Fortunately, I don't have anything that can't play cassettes, so... You know my car still has a fucking cassette player in it?

How? I don't know. Oh, so I'm looking for a fridge, right? And everything is a nightmare. Buying anything is a nightmare because there's a hundred different versions. Yes. And they all have those fucking generic Chinese fucking AI names. yeah uvee or yeah fucking

like i love bootleg shit and i always thought like you know like fucci was funny or like a folex watch yeah yeah just like i always thought that shit was funny because it's like yeah it's obviously fucking fake yeah but now it's now they're real now i'm like wait is that the ninja brand one or the fucking that's a good one the quinnha one and it's like uh ever I go, it's number one suggestion. It's always confusing. It's like, all right, that's the fridge I want.

And then you click in it. It changes right at the last minute. And it was always trying to pitch me this fridge that had, um, it was this one I wanted, except it was a slight difference. And it has, uh,

um, never melt, slow melt craft ice. As my wife sent me that one first, I'm like, what the fuck is this? Slow melt craft ice. And it's like,

enjoy your drink for ice for longer with our craft ice. And look at the picture and it's those stupid balls of ice. It's chungus ice. And they have a whole special department in the freezer that's cranking out chungis ice. So it's taking up valuable freezer space

to make your mixology, F slur, chungis ice. chungus sphere ice. Yeah. And of course, it's the only one that exists everywhere because nobody wants a fucking fridge that makes chungus ice.

I kept getting it in the cart. Is this any chungis ice on this thing? No, okay. It makes me want to go back to like, I want some asshole to show up with a big ice block every day. I've been dreaming of that guy. I put that in the fridge. My ice box that has none of this other

stupid shit in it and just does as advertised. I don't want to see inside of my fridge from the outside. Oh yeah, that's a big one they have too. You could knock on your fridge and see inside. I want the goo fridge

if we're doing fucking retarded fridges. A goof that you could reach through? Yeah, have you seen like the old mockups of that? It was like a green goo fridge and you can just like stick your apple and it'd be like Yeah, I want that. That sounds cool. I want a goo fridge.

the green goo fridge sounds cool I'm sure it would be fucking fingerprinted and covered in dog hair immediately Oh here we go fart shatley What a name 1 30 shit Fart Shatley says advice Zumer

Zumer feels done dude I'm done dude Is Air Force an escape from poverty Is Air Force an escape from poverty Grammar is an escape from poverty Salute Dick I'm nearly 30 years old, and I made a lot of lazy decisions combined with bold moves in my 20s. A lazy decisions?

Like you made them lazily, or you decided to be lazy? Now I'm facing lower class status forever. Save for a miraculous opportunity. My grandfather served one term in the Navy. Wow. How many cocks can you suck in one term in the Navy? How many days was he there? pushing papers in New Jersey

before going home and becoming a carpenter. He's been doing that ever since. He bought his house for $1,400. $700 of his own money and $700 that his father gave him as a wedding present. The house is now worth $800,000. My father, Gen X, or very early millennial, made a lot of sacrifices to raise my brothers and I alone.

So your dad is my age. He went to trade school, mortgaged a, two-family home with his mother-in-law. He kept 50% total in a split and busted his butt for 25 years to finally achieve a comfortable lifestyle. He's not as well off as his father was at 50, but he'll probably be all right. It seems like the only way to stay ahead of our money being rapidly burned is to pour it all into highly appreciating assets like real estate or gambling it on insane risks. many are banking on catastrophic economic upset. Yeah, I mean, houses should not,

houses shouldn't be an investment vehicle. Like, it doesn't make, it's really, it's really a shame that they are. And, um, I didn't, it's got to, it's got to, it's got to, it's got to, it's got to, it's got to, it's got to they have to either come down or be, they're either going to come down or they're going to get bought out by private equity. because the investment's too big. They got out by private equity.

That would fucking suck. I don't know. They're not going to do what's good for us, which is end the 30-year mortgage and deport everyone in America who is not a fan of Seinfeld. Or didn't watch cartoons growing up. Get rid of them.

They're not going to do those things. Yeah, I don't know. I'm enlisting in the Air Force, because I don't know what else to do at this point. Wow. If I want to be raped by my employer, I'd at least like to have some job security. Yeah, why not?

What the fuck else are you going to do, man? I was thinking that each generation my family has been better prepared than the last, but facing disproportionately more hardship than each prior. I'm not sure if mine has. Each pair, better. But you're not more prepared. It's such precipitous climb.

It's such a precipitous climb. that I can't even tell where my mistakes in and where the mountain begins. I've always heard that taking risks and making mistakes is a good way to spend that decade. But I personally know two people who gained more than they lost, except for military guys who are all better off

than everyone else. It is, if Caleb Hammer's show has done anything, is to highlight just how rich you can get by doing nothing in the Army. Joining the Army, digging around, filing paperwork for a car. couple years and then getting out and gaming this getting in some kind of system gaming group finding other parasites you know in the army who can team up and teach you how to work the system

uh it really is an incredible amount of money for those kinds of people which why not i know they're going to they're giving it to somalis anyway so right the only choice you have is to steal as much as possible to stay it to to stay even with all the other parasites. And you become a fucking aviation engineer in the process. Yeah, there you go. That's cool. And those guys will, those army guys will,

they'll give jobs to each other. They really... Yeah, when you do private security afterwards, it's like... Yeah. Or whenever you go to the private sector afterward, it's like a lot of money that be made there.

They really understand the difference between in-group and out-group. Army guys, go figure. I know two people who've gained more than they lost. Except for military guys who are better off than everyone else. I'm enlisting in the military welfare machine after getting lied to by incompetent student aid advisors and losing what I was able to save for college

in exchange for eight credits. I got an exceptionally high ass VAB score. What's ASVAB score? Ass. Ass vagina and butt. You got incredible, exceptionally high ass vagina and butt scores. over your ass VAB scores I didn't even know that was a metric

until two seconds ago across all categories and qualify to do any job I want is this a military thing I got exceptionally high ass VAB scores across all categories and qualify to do any job I want

even a blow job he's going for the factory man besides milking the VA and talking to other military guys to work the system for all the benefits I can, what field should I go into? I don't fucking know. Fly planes.

You're going in the Air Force. Fly fucking planes around. Just go into like a strawberry field, like a corn field. Yeah, strawberry field. A flower field. Really any kind of field you feel like, man. Pretend to be retarded so you can get in with Biden's

like we're hiring retarded and women edict. Right. Sign up for the Knights of Columbus. This. Retarded children can be helped. Yeah. Just say you want to be a retarded pilot. What field should I get into? The military, once you get into the scam, those guys, they got it. They got it down, man.

Once you're in, dude. Once you're in with those military scammers, you are in. I'd like to be an interpreter or a similar intelligence rate. What does that mean? Similar intelligence rate. But do you think it's a better idea? You want to be an interpreter? Sitting there listening to shit all day?

The sign language, fucking fake bullshit. Yeah. Interpreter. Why do you want to be an interpreter? Like, fucking Naomi Watts? Campbell? Which one's the white one? Black one's Naomi Campbell, right?

Yeah, this guy wants to listen to people all day. You want to listen to people all day? Talk about lie to each other? What the fuck is the point of being an interpreter? Just go be a Humvee mechanic out in the desert, man. Is an interpreter an important job? You don't think that's going to be replaced by AI? Right.

I think that one's going to go, I think that one will go faster than a lot of the other ones. Or similar intelligence rate. I don't know what that means. But do you think it's a better idea to just go after bigger hiring bonuses or a particular...

Man, I don't know fucking anything about military shit. I know they get a lot of free money. That's about it. Is this a sign I need to be more confident and go after a better career outside of the military? Maybe just do one thing, you know? first get in the military to do well do whatever they man yes say yes sir let's go for it 30 in the military wow that's gonna be older

than everybody else man you gotta come up with good nicknames for people in the military do you have to you have to act like you've been on the planet longer because if you come in the same rate as everyone else old as shit they're gonna eat you up they're gonna eat you up. They're gonna chew you up, man. To crush your bones and make them bread. You gotta come in and start busting balls right away. Mm-hmm.

You know? Call everybody out right away. So they respect to you, like prison. I act like I work at a wrecking yard all day. So I fucking immediately I see someone, I see the whites of someone eyes coming around the hall, and I fucking make sure they turn back around. I'm just ass mad about being poor and stupid, I suppose.

Well, the military is perfect for you then. I don't even know what advice I need to hear. This broke and helplessness in a common sentiment at any bar I've been in. Well, you know, probably among alcoholics. Being a victim is probably something they... You're going to hear a lot there. We zoomers are grossly unprepared and disenfranchised. I mean, you're not really.

It's just that all your money was taken and given to illegals. If the country was just locked down... If the country had been locked down for 60 years, everyone would be filthy rich. Everyone would be filthy fucking rich. Electricians would be making $500,000 a year. Plenty of money to go around. Plenty of houses to go around. They wouldn't cost a fucking fortune.

It wouldn't cost a million dollars because you're not competing with the entire world to buy them. You might as well hook into, I'm older than you, so I'm, you know, I don't need to... I don't have a choice. I can't hook in early. I don't have a lot of runway left where I'm going. If you're younger, if you're younger,

then yeah, you've got to hook into the welfare machine somehow. Somebody's getting welfare. Every company's getting it. Every group's getting it. You've got to hook in somewhere. I'm just asking,

I don't know what this broken help. Zoomers are under-prepared and disenfranchised. If I did this 10 years ago, I'd be that much further ahead. Oh, don't worry. Yeah, you'll never get as far ahead as you want in life.

Think of guys Like, Imagine if you did it 20 years ago You could have joined The military at 10 Yeah Then you'd be like

A Dugie Hauser Well think about shit like this Right Like think of like The Sultan of Brune Or like Warren Buffett Like they never stop

Acquiring more money They're like Damn I gotta go Make some more And it's like Makes more money What the fuck do you need Like

So no matter what dude In your pathetic life And my pathetic life And everyone's pathetic life Fucking You're never gonna be As cool or as good Or

You're still gonna be loser. You'd have been a loser even if you did it 10 years ago. Yeah, it's because you're you actually. That's why. You'd been a gay, retarded loser then, too. Yeah, dude. No matter what era you think you belonged in. You're still a loser.

Still fucking suck, dude. Still ending up at bars talking to fucking... Other fucking weirdos. Man. Other failures. Yeah. Drink it home, dude. There's probably some older... There's probably some older people there, too. If I would have started 50 years ago, you know, Yeah, you're going to be at the bar 10 years from now, Zand.

I should have started 10 years ago. I started going to the bar 10 years? Oh, why did I? Why did I go to the military? I should have stayed here with you guys. You're my real friends. Oh, man, I've been at the bar and heard those conversations and been like, I got to get the fuck out of this bar. Why am I drinking on Tuesday?

It's morning even, yeah. Am I a loser for not figuring it out sooner? I guess, yeah. I guess, yeah. If you want. Please, please, Johnny,

give Sean my smooches at the next audio engineer conventions. Love your, go fuck yourselves. Yours truly fart, Charlie.

All right, that's the show. Let's do some, let's do some voicemails. And then brain rot. Oh.

Man, you know, surprised that Merologic got a lot of hate after the last episode. People are going to get a lot of love. People who don't like him

really don't like him. Mm-hmm. I don't know why. polarizing figure they think he's lying like he can't lie you guys not he's like George Washington

yeah have you heard him try to lie those stories that he tries to tell that's what it sounds like when he's when he's quote unquote lying just totally fantastical disconnected

elements of a network that exists somewhere in his head but he cannot explain The parts he's lying about is that it's someone else's shit and vomit. It's his. So I get why everyone is. Like, do you guys not? What do you think social services is?

Do you think it's like normal? You think it's full of a lot of normal people? No, it's not. This guy is Foster's freeze. He's been in fucking Foster Care for so long. Yeah. He is the result of coming up in the system. Uh-huh.

He's lying. About what? having a fetish for drawing wonder bread and women with change you think that's a lot you think that's a bit that he's doing are you so cynical that you you think there's like thousands of this obsession that he has you think that he's lying about that because i got news for you that's related that's directly that's related to other the other things that he's going through just because he talks like normal he doesn't talk like he's you know a fentanyl at a bum on the street Ranting and gibbering

Doesn't mean that he's Normal like you He talks like you Does he mean that he's like you? Many replicants are not Yeah How can you not see that he's lying? Okay

You think nobody's ever got their eyes Clot out by a hooker before? Just walk through Hollywood Uh-huh But okay, you don't like him, all right Visit a half-o house Yeah, please don't explain it Visit the cleanest halfway house you can find, and that's still like a billion times dirtier than you could possibly ever hope to happen.

Like, it's so derelict that it truly is wild. This is Merlogic guy. Here we go. It's the worst. What a decrepit, disgusting rants of the old pest. Somehow he is more annoying. than that fat pig Riley was so fucking... Oh boy.

Right. There you go. You know what I noticed that the biggest problem read it really only pops off when there's a Riley thread. Since I left the show, really there's only attention when Riley's name gets brought up. And other than that, it's pretty dead. So I don't know.

I think there might be something to it. You know, he did something the first time in his entire life. I would assume useful, and he reminds me of what makes me a rage. Useful. Like, 49 fucking times in this phone call that should have ended after two minutes for the record. Holy fucking shit. But it's people that, uh, they fucking, uh, say shit like, I don't know how to explain this. They say shit like, literally somebody, this guy who told me,

that he's never seen somebody throw a ball as far as me as I did. You know? Do you think he's bragging? You think that for logic is bragging about throwing a ball? Yeah, but no one's throwing a ball as far as me. I'm going to start, are you... What is the... Uncle Rico, dude?

Yeah, do you think he's pulling one over on us? Like bragging shit? But if somebody else told me this, he literally told me one time that I'm the cutest boy. He's ever laid eye on. I don't think for Lajic said that. He was the cutest boy. He wishes his daughter was attractive enough to marry me. I don't think that about myself.

You know, actually, for the record, more on the topic, somebody told me that I leave the best of voicemails like of all time. Wow. You know, I don't know of them that good, but, you know, that's what I'm. I was told. Anyway, um, that's it. It's all I got.

There's a spider in my car. Uh, panicking. He's panicking because of a spider in his car. Man, Spider-Man called. We got Aquaman. We got Spider-Man.

Oh, I do see an Aquaman call. Oh, how long is it? Oh, I see three Aquaman calls. What? Three minutes. Another three-minute call.

Oh, oh. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Aquaman's got three minutes. One. minute, 40 seconds. Okay. Hey, Dick. I'm calling from the Dick sucking warehouse right now.

And I've been listening to the show from the beginning. You have some screwballs calling in then soon, but it seems like now it's only fucking dental cases that belong on Johnny's brain rot. I get laughing at awful man, it's pretty funny. But anytime podcast process fucking calls in, I know it's going to be some bullshit. Uh, anyway, hopefully you have coach back on at some point.

I know you guys both have your kids. Sick, go fuck yourself. Johnny. People are grown up, man. People are. I know this, I know it's like fun. But people are, people are old now. I thought that was podcast profit calling me.

That shit. Fuck. There's no more. Coach is not calling in or whatever you think is happening. Is not happening. happening as not ever and frankly it would be weird if it did happen uh of all people have bring coach yeah no that's not whatever you why whatever makes you expect that that's like a possibility um fix it fix it in your head it's not normal yeah what up dick what i'm johnny

it's not like fraser oh i wonder if sam is going to be in this one oh woody has shown up for this episode of fraser tonight Yeah, we'll just write him back in. Thanks for the suggestion. Thanks for the suggestion. I wonder what zany things you'll do when he stops in on this episode. We look off to the writing department and see if they caught that. Right?

What you're saying is not real. No, that was a good one. I liked that one. That was good. Oh, Sam is getting married in Seattle. Yeah, he'll be back eventually. He'll be back. That means he's coming back.

Look, if they were on here once, then means they're coming back. You don't know the rule of all media ever? See, what happened was there was a lot of people, and now all those people are gone. Yeah, they had kids and grew up. It's like, uh... Some of them are dead.

It's like, uh, fucking Super Smash Bros. Roster around here. Uh-huh. Nothing but, like a bunch of fucking every... Okay Yeah, what up Dick, what have Johnny

Yo So what makes me kind of a rage Is I just said goodbye To a girl She came over just to hook up And she She's like one of those people who lingers And that's my rage

Is like women who linger And make very long goodbyes After It's clear that it's just It's clear that all I want is to be alone now She better be careful Fuck you guys to be alone in prison.

If you don't let her linger. You will be enjoying prison. If you don't let that bitch linger around, waste your time. You're going straight to jail. I think the cranberries had a song about that, right? What was it? You don't have to let it linger? You do.

It was about a fart, yeah. Get your ass plowed in prison. The same way you plowed that ass. Sorry to leave a third voicemail. Oh, great. Okay, what's the first one? Two minutes, man. is this like the podcast voice line

Aquaman's brother dude this isn't even the Aquaman one I know so I'm like that's Aquaman's brother we got the gang band guy too calling in Oh my God All right oh Jesus Wow All right here we go

Lock in I've got a rage with noisy nosy nose neighbors Let's go with that So the family that lives next door recently moved out and a white couple has moved in, which is so much worse.

I was going outside to smoke a cigar on the front patio, and I see them. She's out there. Women hate. Some lady out there watering the plants that she just put in. And big planters, she comes over and says, hi, are you one of the people that lives here? I say,

I just going to be sure hope so. Yes. I live here. Yes. And she asks me. But did you say I sure hope so? Because now that's asking for it. Yeah.

If you're getting into this chunk of shit, you cannot give them an inch. Because you're giving like water cooler office type humor. So this is on you. It's not quite shop humor because shop humor is one way. That's for me to laugh at them. not everyone else. Like that's...

You live here? Oh, I sure hope so. Yeah. I'm paying the mortgage. I hope so. Yeah. The correct response is, what's it to you? Why?

Yeah. Who's asking? You know that. Yeah. You think when, in my words, not her words. When you start the motorcycle at night, it's very loud. Could you please keep it down?

No, I have to go to work. What the fuck do you mean? When we start our motorcycles to go to work, it's too loud. I'm fucking sorry. What are you? Dude, this guy. What are you, a motorcycle gang? This guy's like a skeleton with like a flame eyeballs, smoking cigars and fucking riding his Harley into work.

It's the share zone admin. We're on the phone with right now. Holy shit. Is this Mr. Bones? Dude, the ride never ends. What hour motorcycles? You got a gang of motorcycle men? Mr. and Mrs. Bones

You got two gay guys living there both with motorcycles They're starting their bikes at work Your bone bikes? You got two motorcycle skeletons there starting your bone bikes In the middle of the night Fucking bunch of bone puns And you're no wonder your neighbor's pissed

Skeletrics and the bony's Reving up your bikes in the middle of the fucking night No wonder your neighbor's pissed Playing bony James is full blast goddamn we don't own cars we just have motorcycles what the fuck is your problem do you see a car in the driveway

the fucking motorcycles the problem no it's multiple motorcycles everyone who lives here drives a motorcycle fuck you that's a lot of motorcycles I'm just waiting how do you get multiple people which is what white neighbors always do

in every fucking place I've lived they just leave you anonymous letters that ask you to leave your trash in the can and not on the curb because it looks bad or shit like that. Stop. Don't do that.

If you do that, fuck you. Just go knock on the door and say, hey, could you start your car quieter? I promise it'll go better for you than if you leave them a letter tape to their door. Fucking hell. He's in some kind of gay

motorcycle gang, I think. Like a furry He's either got a ZX7 or like a RC. Don't pretend like You're starting your motorcycle and like going off to work You're in there going like Boom boom boom boom You and your fucking pals Broom boom boom we all know

A fucking two cylinder fucking motor Like come on You're pissed you gotta go to work at night It's fine It's a simple request Can you stop revving your motorcycles You and your bone brigade Fucking bone brothers over there

Can you stop revving your Skellicycles off on their way to work at the oil rig all day. Fuck. When you go to work at the haunted house, he's his next. I'm sorry to leave two voicemails. But, you're not.

You've already said it, I'm sure. These are not loud motorcycles. These are normal, reasonable, small models of motorcycles. They're very not that fucking loud. One of them is very quiet. And the other one is not that loud. So the other one's loud.

These are not fucking big hoss V8. motorcycles. He's our regular ass motorcycles and we're not rev bombing in the neighborhood. God damn. He's got the V-A-Ros. If I ever see one quiet motorcycle guy, I'll walk up and give him a cigar. Here you go. You're the first quiet motorcycle guy ever.

See, he gave himself his own cigar because he thought he was that. Sorry to leave a third voicemail about the motorcycle noise thing. It is the next day now and my roommate just drove his motorcycle into the living. room. So maybe she has a point. Do you have anything to say for yourself? All right. Everyone can be a threat. Okay.

All right, all right. That was 3 a.m., 3 a.m. and 7 p.m. the next day. Damn. Wow. Okay. Here's Aquaman. Hey, Dick. Hey, Johnny. I am fucking exhausted right now, so I'm going to make less sense than I normally do if you can fucking believe it. When it rains, it pours. Can you hear fucking swishy pants. I'm already off to, I'm off to a

great start. Fucking, okay, everything is happening all at once. Losing toxic friendships, moving into a new place, got a new job starting next week. I have no sense of stability or security.

I don't know where fucking anything is. It's all in boxes. Jesus Christ. Okay, so last week I have a loose acquaintance, a trans man with bipolar disorder. He can fucking believe that. Yeah, I can. And he was like, man, I fucking hate being autistic and no one ever fucking says what they mean. Do you want to hang out?

I'm lonely. And I was like, okay, here's my opportunity to fucking put my money where my mouth is. Hey, when you say come hang out, I'm lonely and you phrase it like that, it makes me feel a little pressured. Like, I didn't literally say this, but it's like, you know, it feels like you're going to kill yourself if I don't. Like, I ask you. Aquaman, you have reached new depths. That's like locking your car door when you see a black. guy. Your trans friends is they're lonely? You're like, oh, are you going to kill yourself?

I'm just going to go ahead and make it not obvious that I'm crossing the street right now. Trans man though. So it's a woman. Yes. Yeah. So they're not going to kill themselves. Right. It's all the Starvelli sneaches to me. So the trans man is feeling lonely and wants company. That's what's happening here. The man is reaching. Yeah, right. Wow. And he was like, don't you fucking, like,

wow, dude. But don't you fucking dare put your own shit on me. Like, good luck, man. Just fucking blocked me. I was like, all right. Cool. And then friend group I've been fucking talking about. The aforementioned fat bitch fucking ghosting me for an entire goddamn month. And fuck her little coward boyfriend, too. I hadn't said shit.

Only thing necessary for evil to flourish is a good man do nothing, that whole thing? bitch she can't make her boundaries clear she can't enforce her boundaries I was like hey um cool boundaries and all that yeah I've been apologetic because I'm in the wrong just start with but like I don't fuck with ghosting um I know where you got you're going to a show tonight I'm gonna beat that show I'll see you tonight if you can't confront me you don't deserve my friendship and then she blew the fuck up and was just like ghosting doesn't mean shit dude I ghost my grandma it's like okay maybe you fuck your grandma too that doesn't fucking make it right

stupid bitch what is ghosting means you never talk to them again right yeah are they saying ghosting like you didn't respond to my text in time

it sounds like that's what aquaman's problem is that's not ghosting that's just like doing other shit yeah well I guess let's see you know get to do whatever you want just because you fucking need spaces

you get to fucking abandon people but whatever I feel you know forgive to them father they don't know what they do how long you No, no, no, no. No, no, you can just...

New job, I've been unemployed for three months. Three goddamn months. I got a new job in three days. I've slept like four hours the past couple days in a row. I mean, Dick, yeah, I've slept one, four hours in the fucking year, so... I'm going to fucking tell you what that's like. Shit hurts.

My whole body hurts. I'm walking around a new neighborhood, and I don't know where I am. And, uh, okay, I just fucking hell of you have this right in my fucking eyes. Fucking cunt. Holy shit I'm saying this in real life that loud how much

I'm going cuckoo crackers I get a little sugar in me kill yourself goodbye okay he's called back again

man he's doing the bit it's funny he's giving the people what they want I say it's just it's how I am I'm not doing it on purpose

fuck me Jesus I really Gee Am I gonna end up in the fucking psych ward for this shit? God damn. I think so. I appreciate the advice genuinely.

My ego is very fragile, very rejection sensitive, but I'm willing to get over myself. Bro, what's what's going on here? Everyone's too fucking nice. I mean, like, that's why all these situations I'm ending up in is because people are too fucking nice to like tell me, hey, fuck off a big head.

you're like genuinely genuinely I appreciate the fuck out of this your show and your advice like shitting on me I need it I need it I'm sure I could just make shit up

for another fucking two minutes but I don't know probably longer than that love you bye I got another call let's see what this one is yeah with fucking hat trick I think that's what

three is a hat trick I think anyway fucking boundaries all this therapy pseudotherapy buzzword shit. I mean, it's up to you to enforce your fucking boundaries. If you don't want someone to touch your fucking no-no bits,

you have to say the word no and fucking clap him. Otherwise, you're going to get essayed. And that's no good. You don't want that. I mean, you shouldn't need to resort to that. I'm drowning, dick. I'm fucking drowning. Is this the Joker? You know, Aquaman's gone good.

You know, fucking Samoa Joe, you're fucking Samoa homo. All right. Aquaman came from the depths and got me to tell. John is brave! Topic. Duplank. Dude.

Hearing him say he's doing the bit, talking about himself was like, uh-oh, bad touch. Become self-aware. I forget what I even titled this one, but this, I'm sure it's going to be... Slime thief. Oh, the slime thief.

So this lady's at this museum, and she thinks it would be a good idea to see how, to jokingly steal the slime. Okay. I think there's audio, too. It's a black woman with some kids. Oh, I see what's happening here. Okay.

She's at a kids museum, and she got the slime all over her sweater. Yeah, she made a joke like she was going to pick it all up and walk away with it. And it fucking absolutely probably destroyed the slime, too, all the fucking fiber in there. What is this slime museum? That I have no fucking cool. It's like quicksand for them. Yeah. trapped

they get trapped alright what's the next so this is my new favorite sport I think you might like this one too dick I definitely get the audio with this one I think there was good audio but it's two fat bitches doing a tug of war

they're in like a rodeo ring and these fat chicks are tied to each other by a rope around their waists and they're both trying to run to a chair on the opposite ends of the stadium. It's like a tortoise instead of a tractor pole.

It is a tortle pole. Oh, wow. The one has hit the dirt. The other one still trying. Going through like a tranquilized bear, just lurching. Oh, God. I mean,

you just can't, you just can't pull that amount of mass that the one has. I bet them knees were barking afterward. Look at that angle on it. That's got to be at least, what, a 50 degree angle? Is this church? Is that what they're doing here?

If it is, I'm signing up. A bunch of Mexicans wearing cowboy hats, of course. So it could be in Texas, yeah. Could be in Texas. There's a Hindu statue in the background. I would like to see this. I would love to see this. A tortipole.

Look, the slap fighting was funny for like two seconds. This is where it's at. This is a sport. You have a bracket system. Yeah. You get like 16 of the fattest bitches you know, tear them off. The bracket system just to hold them in,

yeah. You know, have a pull. The winner gets like a pack of hot dogs. Like all you can eat hot dogs. A whole cooler full of salamis. That's what's at the end of each stadium. Winter gets both coolers. Put a bungee cord around their waist and go.

You run. Acmey fucking exercise band. Like those old yeah, resistance bands. Like in the goonies when he fucking, the brothers working out in the beginning. Oh, this is good. That would be good. Okay. I'd watch the shit out of that.

So this one's a couple's hiking events. I sent this one to Manny immediately. This is a bunch of black people lying down. And the other ones are like falling up of them? You start with an egg in the Fupa region. And you have to shift the egg all the way up to her mouth. Okay. It's a couples game.

Yeah. How's that? for a little team-building exercise. But the fat ones, they gotta really push this egg over their gun. Yeah. The whole thing is disgusting. Couples hiking events? More than just a hike, you see.

A journey for your relationship. Basically just getting like a bunch of fat people to try and touch each other again. It's pretty disgusting. Yeah, it looks pretty disgusting. But the way, if you notice, there's a shit ton of people in all of these, and I can't help but think.

Maybe an Air Force guy. You should just be an event coordinator. Yeah. They can't be doing much hiking. That's what my first thought was, too. I was like, is the mountain their wives? These look like parks that they're in. They're not hiking into this YMCA.

They're all out in Florida. Does every video have the same song? It's the same fucking Marvin Gaye song, yeah. Oh, no, I just randomly picked one that did. Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Couple's hiking. A new sport from Mexico. I call this self-regulation. This is two Mexicans smacking each other with whips. Wow. And it's like a sport or something. Yeah, it looks like a fun sport, I guess. I mean, I'd watch that.

Are they going for each other's faces? I don't know. What is the deal here? But they're being awfully nice about letting each other take turns. If someone who was whipping me, I would whip the shit out of it. And this is like the noid is running in, this guy. You can skip all the bullshit. Yeah, okay.

Dude, fucking the new sport of Tortipole and Buddy Whip. That's a good one. That's a winner. That's a, dude. Winner, winner, fucking. Carnia Sada dinner, man. They gotta put out like a tryout. Torto-Pull tryouts today.

We could just go to the bottom of the hill. Yeah, today in the Super King parking lot. Torto-Pull, you new Univision show. Hosted by Carlos Mencia. Here's the semifinals. Try-out. I would watch that. I don't know what would be the worst part.

The truckinator. The smell. Carlos Monsia. Man, that'd be a good show. Dude, they would need the whole fleet of the Univision trucks just to even capture the event. Can I use AI for this? For my...

I really... I want real people to do it, though. Yeah. I don't want AI. No. All right, everybody. See you next time. See you.