The Dick Show - Episode 53 - Dick on Pulling Teeth

Episode Date: June 6, 2017

Fishing for nothing, Sean's uncle the spy, finding places to bang, reality news, the crass anachronism of judgement, the final Tim Changzzzzz pitch, unisex names, an announcement from the Science Justice Warrior, a vacation with children, LEGO men, turn stealing, apology tours, Joel Chaco's beef with me, littering and, more of Tammy's Laugh Therapy, auctioning school, hell is other people, handicap french fries, Maxwell The Silver Hammer's pregnancy scare, and trivia to pull your teeth; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa The audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? But that's not gonna be the case next week, is it? It is not going to be the case. Sean, the audio engineer is gonna be leaving me high and dry. I'm doing something. What are you doing? What are you judging me? I know. I know. Did you hit a big vein of ass? I don't know. I think you got an ass.

You got an ass. Harvester on the fritz that you've got to go check out. What are you doing? Isn't that up to you to decide? Yeah, yeah, well, what are you really doing? Give me some for that. I'm going to visit my brother and sister-in-law and the kids. And the kids.

And the twins. The twin girls, let me tell you something, buddy. Yeah. It's like I'm looking back and trying. You have your nephew is a little bit older, like four or five months older than the twin girls he has. Twin girls. And I just spend a week on vacation with my family

and the two boys. You actually look rested, Sean, I don't feel rested. I believe you. I feel like my soul has been hollowed out. These, like I have, I feel like my entire being, my entire, any very synapse and neuron in my brain is now attuned like a like a tuning fork to the screams and crying of children.

Oh, yeah. So much so that I could lie in bed. I was on vacation with my family for an entire week. So my spicy tweets and my the shit posting on that I do on Facebook that causes me to get banned for 24 hours because I'm defending myself. Yeah, understand. Yeah. I'm just retweeting things that people are saying about me.

That gets me banned. Asmatics is girlfriend. Post, hey, has anyone have record of dick threatening violence? Onmatics. I need it. So I retweeted this. I reposted it on Facebook. I said, hey, everybody, just Maddox, girlfriend, just asking for...

I thought you were gonna post an example. No, I don't think there are. I mean, yeah, like I know what you twit. Oh, I'm just... Like, I know what you're talking about on the show. Oh. Like, I'm sitting here in my house just like, oh, I'm gonna, like I'm a fucking wrestler,

like I'm the macho man, I'm gonna go over there, I'm gonna get him in a headlock, then I'm gonna take his big nose and wiggle it around and I'm gonna smash it in a bowl of, I'm gonna smash it in a bowl of fruit loops and say where does the nose nose now, brother? Where is, I could have fuck are you talking about you idiot Like an Armenian two can't say I'm bro bro bro. I got all the finest loops all the finest of the loops best fruit finest loops for you

I put the what kind of a post is that like what the fuck are you talking about eggs of threatening eggs of violence Like what the fuck are you talking about, acts of threatening acts of violence? What am I, what are you talking about? So I just took a, so somebody sent me a screenshot. Mm-hmm. And I thought, well, this is going out into the public sphere. I might as well throw my two cents into it. Like, what you can do that, right?

Well, of course you can. Well, apparently you can't, Sean. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So I repost it and say, hey, look at this shit. Here comes, can't wait to see what this is being used for. All these times I've violently made threats. Call the cops. So what happened?

So Facebook, they Facebook found, first of all, everybody piled on because it's hilarious. Yeah. The whole idea is hilarious. Of your girlfriend fighting your e-fights for you. Well, so the person who's being targeted in this can't respond. Me? Yeah.

I guess not. So Facebook, they ban you. They say you got a 24 hour suspension and then when they let you back on. What did they ban you for? What was the, they have to give a reason for a suspension. No, they don't, no, they don't. Oh, it abuse harassment. Yeah, okay, you know, oh, because you're typical.

Yeah, you personally or because they don't, they don't, they don't, they don't give you any more details. You, you and your ilk, you know, just, they say you should know what you did. So click here, if you want to be back on Facebook, click here to delete it. Like why don't you just, again, I talked to the same Twitter does the same thing. Why don't you just delete it for me and tell me to don't make just use to do it.

Just admit what you did and move on. Yeah, they're like, um, by clicking this, you're saying you're sorry. Yeah, and I'm sitting there going, there are four lights, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, there are four lights. I didn't harass anybody, but then they're like, well, Dick Picard, you did harass. You can see the harassment right here. Yep.

And I'm like, there are four lights. You know what I'm talking about. I do, actually, I get that reference. Hey, speaking of Star Trek, yeah, Asterios has his podcast, Science Friction. Yes, that's fun. So friction. Yes. That's fun. That's fun. That's fun, yeah.

Right. And now you just, because dot com makes it, it was commerce, right? There were stores. That's where it came from. Oh, is that what it was? I thought so. Because like dot org is organization.gov dot, I was like dot com because it was dot commerce. You're probably right.

And that's why it exploded. Yeah, but now, because then, because they had, I mean, they created that. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that's probably not wrong. I want to know what you don't know. What would you say your strengths are? Somebody pitched me a bit, stumped the shaw. And I was like, you know, everything about music, you know, everything about hockey. Well, there's gaps in, I think everybody's knowledge, but I got most people don't even

know that. No, there's big gaps in literature. Yeah. Literature. Yeah. Books. Canabary Tales. Yeah.

Is it true or false? That's a book. Are the Canabary Tales? Yeah. I don't know. I thought it was a collection of, I don't know. Is it, no, I don't know.

That's all I know. Moby Dick. Moby Dick. What's the I know. Moby Dick. Moby Dick. Yeah. What's the first line of Moby Dick? Something like they call me or call me. Call me, call me. Yeah, that's dumped.

Right there, zero off. That's why I said, well yeah, it's a fun bit, but like you got to know everything. Well, no, I know. Well, and you know, like at Jeopardy, like they prep you, like they tell you what to study. They give you that big book. Yeah, it's because nobody wants to see people who can't answer questions.

It's like, yeah, these people are good at trivia, but they're not, it makes a shitty game show. If you're just like, you basically have to know everything under the sun. There's a bunch of people guessing like drunk dad trivia. Okay, who is, what was the cause for the Vietnam War? Blu, blah, blah, blah. Well, it was pretty much like a pissing contest. Like, okay, and everybody always gets negative points.

Yeah. Drunk dead jeopardy. That's life. And when jeopardy is the opposite of that, it's like, hey, all the drunk deads in the world, shut the fuck up for an hour, a half hour. However long it is, so we can just watch people pretend to know things. Then you can go nuts with what you know, which is absolutely nothing. I don't know why I got on Star Trek,

but I was thinking, because Mad Cux was pissed about the diversity thing. I guess they're cramming diversity down there. He says they're cramming diversity down everyone's throat in the new Star Trek show. Star Trek show. I haven't seen it. So Mad Cux was saying, he was in the studio last weekend.

He was out for a couple of days. Came out for three, four days. And we recorded a bunch of movie commentary tracks. We recorded an alien commentary track. We recorded a Rambo first blood commentary track. And the alien one we get to talking about, I think I'll really set this week. I know it's already mixed.

It's good. I think it's maybe one of the best one we get to talking about, I think I'll really set this week. I know it's already mixed. It's good. I think it's maybe one of the best episodes we've done. Yeah, get that at Patreon. That's fun. It was fun. It was fun.

But I was thinking, I want to do one of those. Okay, what movie do you want to do? I don't know. I don't think about it. I don't think I'll contribute that much. I mean, really, we do watch a Dodger game. No one like a Stereoos is that, no, that'll be fucking. I can't do that should do a dodger game. No one like a stereo says no that'll be fucking even I can't do that. But I was like they're they're saying that

the diversity is a problem. But then I'm thinking wait a minute wouldn't most of star fleet be non-white? Like isn't because when star fleet happens, technology's taken over and made everything great. And all the population of Earth is mostly black and Indian and Chinese, right? So maybe like if an accurate star, maybe if there was an accurate Star Trek, there'd be like one white guy down in engineering or something, like cleaning out the garbage, but everybody else would be not white.

I guess. Not enough, I don't know why. So his problem is it's shoving diversity. Diversity? Yeah, down there. What do we talk about it on the alien commentary check? Gotcha. Anyway, you are in your next week, you're going to be spending a week with two kids.

And man, I have just done that. I was just on vacation all week with my family. And I learned, there's two things that that vacation. Number one, you as a human being are reduced to a child customer service agent. Every single fucking man, man, 80s girls would be lying in bed. My parents rented a house for us to stay in, so everybody's in the same house, right?

Cause there's so many goddamn people. Yeah. We're sitting there and you can hear the kids cry at their varying levels of intensity and bullshit. Like the I'm hurt, cry. You can, you start differentiating between the kids crying. Like it's like, it rewires your fucking brain. So that so that last night was our first night back. And we're just hearing that thumping silence in our heads where there

are no kids screaming, thinking, oh my God, thank God. Because at any moment, Sean, your piece will be shattered by some a toy being argued about. Somebody, somebody, somebody dropping a cup of water, anything. How old is the younger one? Like two, like two and a half or because no two, he just turned two. Okay. Because they change a lot. There's a big difference between close to three and barely two. It's daily. They change every day. They're like the market. Yeah. Like the stock market. And the other one is coming every day you lose. The other one's coming. I'm trending down for 10

million years. Yeah. This market. Yeah. We're seeking new depths. Yeah. I'm playing Mario run on my phone. My nephew runs over and goes, Hey, uh, oh, I like he's all into it. And he's like, Hey, let me do the next, like, let me get a turn. Yeah. All right, here you go. Immediately exits Mario Run and goes and plays some stupid game where you tickle animals.

Yeah. I'm like, well, can I, no, let me just take, I just want your phone. Let me get the fucking thing back. Yeah. He's like, no, it's my turn. Yeah. Well, when is it my turn?

As soon as I'm done. As soon as my game is over. Yeah. I'm like, you little motherfucker. Yeah. Great, it's my turn. Yeah. Well, when is it my turn? As soon as I'm done. As soon as my game's over. Like you're a little motherfucker. Yeah. Greatest lawyer in the world. Yeah. Yeah, I guess, but this game never ends. You just sit there tickling animals.

Yeah. What you're doing is, I look down at what you're doing. Yeah. Did you make it feel bad about it? No, you can't. I mean, you can if you want to, you know, create a little monster. Yeah, you can't.

Yeah. If you want to create like a serial killer. Yeah. Well, you can if you want to, you know, create a little monster. Yeah, you can't. If you want to create like a serial killer. Yeah. Well, you know, you just go, well, I guess no Mario run for me. I guess I'm just staring at the fucking wall. So the next time you ask for the phone, get your own fucking phone. That's right. Get a job, that's what I say.

I'm gonna ask Coach for the next time. I got distracted in the middle of this. So we wanted to do a stump the shan thing. We're gonna have a trivia challenge coming up a little later. I like trivia, but stump the shan, how many questions can he ask? Infinite.

Yeah, one man cannot know everything. No, that's true. I'm exhausted from my vacation. From your vacation. Because my dad is like, he's got the most energy of any man alive and he's on he's trying to outdo the military at waking up early and going fast. It is.

Yes. That man's I've been on trips. It's like the it's the sun in the moon. I hit my peak productivity at about three in the morning. Yeah, that's why I do all my spicy tweets and Facebook posts that gets me banned. He hits peak productivity at about six in the morning. So he is up and we are on the fuck. That guy, if he is not actively doing two things at the same time, it's a wasted moment.

I'm the complete opposite. If I'm doing one thing at a time, that is wasted time to me. That is time I could have spent thinking. We're a generation of thinkers, Sean, Gen X. All we wanna do is sit around and really think it out. No rushing, opposite of baby boomers, now we got to do it now. Everybody get in the car.

Well do we have directions? We'll ask. Oh, damn it. Ask? No, no, no, no, no. Think about all the people in convenience by that. We can't do that. We need our apps.

Let's just get an Uber. What's an Uber? I don't know. Yeah. Every day. So, I'll tell you what makes me a rage about it, though. Okay. Fishing. Fishing.

Yeah. Chartered fishing. Cool. Okay, chartered fishing events. You know what it is when you take a charter, like a fishing, like a fishing tour? Well, yeah, like a, like a cattle boat or like one that you get with like just

your family. Anything. You might as well, you might as well be out there fishing with no line. Because that's what you're doing. You're just going through the motions all day, casting out, reeling in nothing, casting out again, re, I, the last, it must be the last five fishing trips I go on. You didn't catch anything? 80s girl caught the, oh, I caught an eel. And 80s girl caught the only fish to the embarrassment of everyone who, and 80s girl who by the way fully monopolized the time of the gentleman who was helping us fish for some reason, for some reason.

She needed help with everything on the fishing trip, right? Not by her request. He just always happened to be Johnny on the spot. You having a problem really, really, that in? Let me help you out again. It's clockwise. You didn't quite make it around. Let me just get you that last 10 degrees on that one, right there.

Yeah. Helpful guy. You want to take a, you want to take a spot to, take a moment to adjust your pants. Let me just hold that. Yeah. For you. And I'm sending you, you, you go all the way over there on, take, you go all the way over there on those rocks.

Fish against the wind. Wait, on the rocks. We're standing in the rocks fishing. Oh, the truck's at a boat. No, not this time. Oh. Well, no, what are you doing, catch, check. The boat fishing is exactly the same.

You can catch, I mean, you can catch stuff off jetty's, you never catch anything. It's a, it's a casino. It's the, it's the 100,000 year old casino is fishing. You go out, you, and every single time you go out on the boat, I did this with coach at coaches wedding. He got a little boat for us to go out on like a bro day, right? And we're thinking, oh, yeah, we're imagining it like a juicy fruit commercial for men. We're going out, smoking cigars, getting lit up, reeling in fish,

like fucking Ernie with his fish calls and Sesame Street. Remember when he was doing those, he or she, she, she, she, she, they'd all come in and then birds dumbass would sit there with his mouth gaping open. We're the birds sitting on the boat bringing in nothing, sitting on the shore bringing in nothing. It's the same spiel every time. Here is all the fish you're going to catch. I'm going to go. Don't worry. I'm the same spiel every time. Here's all the fish. You're gonna catch

I'm gonna gut. Don't worry. I'm gonna gut every single one. Oh, okay Five hours later Sun burnt not even that drunk because it's difficult to get drunk on a fishing trip because you're standing Right in the fucking sun kind of busy, but not completely busy kind of busy so that you can't drink But not so busy enough that you're not thinking about the so that you can't drink, but not so busy enough that you're not thinking about the drinking. And you can't give up because then what are you doing out there? You can't set it down like, oh, I'm just going to drink for two hours. Now you just on a boat ride.

Now you just on a boat ride. Now you just paid $150 bucks for a boat ride. Which is nice, but I'll just go back to the bar then. Yeah. I don't know, man, I like those boats. Not the cattle boats though, where everybody,'t know, man, I'd like those boats. Oh, not the cattle boats, though, where everybody, you know, where there's 50 fucking people and everybody's shoulder to shoulder

because the lines get tangled and nobody knows like where the wind is and all that kind of stuff, but nobody knows anything. Yeah, this fishing is never, I love it. I love doing it. I like doing it with my dad, but next time I'm just gonna not have, I'm just gonna stand out there with no line and pretend to fish.

Like a virgin, pin your collada. It's gonna be a no kill fish trip. Yeah. I'm not even gonna go thinking that I'm gonna catch any fish. What's she catch? A rudder fish. A rudder fish? rudder fish. She brings it in and the guy goes, I wouldn't, I wouldn't eat that. Oh, I don't eat fish like that. So my tag goes, oh, well, he did. Yeah, we're eating it. Yeah. Because it's the only fish we've got getting something for this money. We're getting something for this. Yeah. Actually, it was pretty good. Oh, it was oily. Yeah. It tastes like anchovies, though. I like I personally love anchovies. Yeah, I don't tell you what else makes me

rage. Finding somewhere to bang. Oh, on a family trip. Tell you what else makes me rage. Finding somewhere to bang. Oh, on a family trip when you're all in the same house. If you don't have your own place to bang, good luck finding it. Mm. Just good luck finding something. Yeah, you just gonna, you just get dropped off in the middle of nowhere.

You think it's easy to find somewhere to bang? You would be wrong. I think it's, to find somewhere to bang, you would be wrong. Think it's not. It's no walk in the park. We're out there. Family trip was to Hawaii. It's great. You know, everybody knows all about Hawaii.

So it's got that sun. And I don't know if this is just me, but that sun and salt and sand combo is like instant Viagra for me. Like Spanish fly that's when it gets on there, that it gets on a woman's skin and gives it that that that tacky feel, you know, sticky sear tightens everything up that sticky sear. Tightens everything up that sticky sear. I don't know how the hell guys went on voyages around the world without like stocking those ships with brawds. Yeah.

What torture? I'm out there on the sea for like 10 minutes. I'm gonna start dumping around. Yeah. Well, they would if they did that. They would never get the sails rigged or anything like that. They'd just be like helping them like tight fishing knots

and reeling things in. Oh yeah. I mean, like this. Yeah, they get a lot of attention. They get a lot of attention. Oh, I knew that fucking guy. They never get out of the harbor. As soon as we got out there, it's like,

oh, I see where this is going. I'm gonna be spending a lot of time off in the corner. Yeah. Right, fishing today. There's no, I don't think there's any fish out there, casting a reel directly into the wind. Yeah. You're a man, you should know the difference

between a pala more or not in a San Diego knot. Finding somewhere to bang is so, so we're out in the beach, whatever, first day. And that tacky sea air, I can feel it on our skin. I am like, oh my God, all right, I gotta get outta here. I gotta get outta here. The first, this is the first trip ever where I get to have my own room

instead of just sleeping on the bathroom floor. Oh yeah, as punishment for not dating anyone. Oh, all right, let's go up to the room. Let's get up to the room. Now, it's time as a factor. So get up there, get in, get in, get in the launch codes, putting in the, you know, the crawler, the crawler is shipping the shuttle into the shuttle bay,

preparing for launch, like ripping off these fucking clothes, right? I get in bad and I'm like, baby, did you lock the door? And she goes, I think so, but I didn't really work. I'm like, okay, well, there's a thought in my mind that I don't want there. I don't want there, but I can power through this because of the sea, because of the sea, because of the the the aquatic qualities that we see. So we're going. It's your own free sea Alice. Yeah, sea Alice. I got like, wish I could take that back. We're going crazy in there.

And there's like this one, one, you know, the one brief moment when you're hooking up and you're really going to town on each other, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Multiple hands in there. Yeah. When it's a contest, right?

That one brief moment when you come up for air, my mom opens the door. My fucking God, really? My mom opens the door and comes in and goes, Oh, shrieks, because we're both in bed, completely nude, but thank God, just laying there. Like, and I'm thinking, you just missed, mom, you just missed something that would have traumatized you forever by like half a second on either side.

Oh. So we're wide-eyed, looking at each other in the he's going to be horrifying. Do you think she saw anything? And I don't, I think that reaction would have been very different if she had thought she saw anything. I think that shriek would have been followed by like a thump. A thump. Yeah. If my mom dying. Yeah, it was like a, a, a, a, a cut jerking off by his mom, you know Put her in the hospital

Finding somewhere to bang good God What the hell are you thinking what the hell are you doing here? Like what? This is not knocking how about how about not bothering how about texting Fuck the knocking what did you want so bad? Yeah. That required just a burst in. Oh, I bet you. You're looking for, you got two kids, two tiny babies downstairs who need more attention than there are adult human beings.

Where were you trying to get away? How, when was the next time she talked to you? Oh, I went right down. Oh, you said, what do you need? No, no, no, no, Sean, because this is how I do everything. I'm thinking, fuck, now my mom's embarrassed, now 80s girls embarrassed, like I, and of course her first thought,

because she's so wonderful is, can you keep going? And I'm like, go, just just wait a minute. I gotta handle it. I'm gonna need a moment. Yeah, so I need to check my heart rate monitor. Yeah, so I go straight downstairs. I'm gonna go, what the hell was that? Yeah.

What are you, what are you doing? It's like, oh, I didn't know. And I'm like, what did you need in there? What did you possibly need? Go in, you got about a minute and a half. Before that, goes where it was going. Yeah. What are you doing? It's like, got about a minute and a half. Before that, go's where it was going. Yeah. What are you doing?

He's like, well, I was looking for this. I'm just kicking the bathroom door. Kickin' every door you got. My God. Was what she needed in your room? I never found out what she needed. I think she was probably looking for a place of her own. Huh.

Not the first time that's happened to me either. Huh. I was trying to find a place to bang and burning man many years ago. And your mom kicked in the camper? My mom kicked in the, yeah. Found a hammock in the middle of the deep ply of my mom came knocking, climbing up the hammock,

looking for something. Oh, what she was looking for. Good question. Probably just playing a joke. Mom, what the fuck are you doing at Burning Man? What are you doing here? Wow. Last thing that makes me rage about it,

and then I get some jokes. You got some jokes? I got some jokes. I got some jokes, some Collins, some things that made people rage. I got some goth squad stuff. Last thing that made the people there in Hawaii, so they say it.

Hawaii. It's like their version of the LA Mexican guys on the news. Like, you know, I like, I'm, Hey, welcome to news LA. I'm Herman Rodriguez. You know, like, okay, dude, it's Rodriguez. Why don't you fucking calm down with that shit? Same thing over there.

Or just speaking an accent all the time. Or do it all the time. Like, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm Herman Rodriguez. You didn't know how to say news in Spanish. Remember I was talking about Spanish vocabulary? Yeah. It's like, what, do I need to bring a jacket?

How the fuck do you say that in Spanish? Because that's gonna come up. Yeah. We gonna split this bill? No. Can you split the tab for us please? No. Anyway.

They love their every, they never miss an opportunity to tell you how something was fucked up by civilization. Oh, yeah. This island over here, you'll notice that it's completely desolate. Well, it's because the military used it for testing bombs. Yeah. And now it's all messed up. The aquifers cracked and all the salt water went into the sea.

So we're very sad about that. Well, I don't know. Have you ever heard of New Mexico? They're pretty fucking sad about what happened to them too. So what do you want? Sorry. So that's the version if Moana, the movie, was made, was like a US story was was retconned for civilization

it's the song is we're sorry yeah sorry for all the toilets we brought you toilets we're sorry we brought you internet we're sorry non-fucking stop Like why do you guys care about this fucking land so much? Did you lose your virginity to it? Was your first kiss this particular island? What is your problem? It's the one place that they went where no moms ever walked in. And now it's gone. Yeah, I should go there.

Nobody totally desolated. Nobody could grow anything there. Totally lifeless and barren. Maybe, let's hop, let's go over to this island or my mom doesn't walk in on it. What could you possibly need? There's nothing there. Anyway, that's what makes me a rage.

You got anything? Makes you a rage? It's gonna change your brain. When you're spending a week with those kids gonna fuck up your brain, make my words. Yeah, talk to me when I get back. I have a feeling there'll be some things. You can't think anymore, dude.

Basically, I've been in a rage. Everything's made me a rage lately. I'm just irritable. I'm just fucking irritable these days. Me too. I don't really know why. I just think it's the constant bombardment of politics and everyone's opinions and everything.

It's just like, I can't get away from it. That's why I look forward to the show. And you do a good job of trying to control. Trying to control. You're nothing political, because God damn, man. I personally need a fucking break. I just need a break. I mean, it's got, like, I was on that pain killer

already podcast, you know, that I told you about. A lot of people said it has terrible audio. A lot of people complained about the audio of that show. Really? Yeah, you know, that I told you about. A lot of people said it has terrible audio. A lot of people complained about the audio of that show. Really? Yeah, you should help them. You need to do like a series of time life books, episodes on how to do a podcast correctly. Because everybody's doing their own thing

and everybody but us fucked it up. Well, there's, you know, there's just some basic things that people can do just to record it better. And that you only get your mixes are only as good as your record, so. Yeah. You fuck up the record, you're just frosting shit. You know, there's only so much you can do.

Everybody buys, okay equipment, but it's the end product is just not as good as us with the same, with virtually the same equipment. Yeah. Room has a lot to do with it. I was on there and the host, what he was talking about, Flynn was a Russian agent and I thought, I thought like I stopped paying attention to politics.

The only politics I get are pretty much my life coaches, direct text messages to me. Where he's like, check this out, check this out all day. And a lot of times it's just jokes. But most of the time it's just like interesting stats. Like, oh, somebody compiled the curve of minimum wage of when social assistance services overtake having a job.

Yeah. And it's like, oh, you have to make more than, like, $18 an hour to make more than doing absolutely nothing. Yeah. Hey, that's a hell of a graph. I sure wish it was on every, I sure wish it was like, on free v all day, every day. So everybody could at least be talking about the same fucking thing.

Like, here's the problems, dipshit, here's the uncanny valley. This is the reason no one has a job right there. That's really interesting. Right there. Absolutely buried. And no one would fucking care. As they say, I mean, it's not sexy.

No, politics's gotten out of fucking control. And if, yeah, it's just tired of it. It's just like, it's so fucking tired of it. Yeah. No matter which side you're, I think a lot of people are tired of it. It's just like, uh, you know, so fucking tired of it. Yeah. No matter which side you're I think I think a lot of people are tired of it. I think Trump's tired of it. I think he's just gonna quit. I think they're all tired of it. I'm like, ah, this bullshit. I'm going back to I'm going back to being a billionaire. Who fucking needs it? No needs it. Oh, here's, hey, here's something political though that I might like. something political though that I might like. They passed the law, keeping, they passed the first part of a lobbying passed in California to push the closing time of bars from two to four.

Really? Yeah. So I don't know. Maybe if I can get the liquor party going that way. That's a statewide. That's a statewide dude. It's called local communities can decide whether or not they want their last call to be for versus two, which is great. Cause it's like, yeah, that's what that's what we've wanted the whole time. Yeah, sure.

Who's ever going, I don't care if you're a Republican or Democrat, who's ever saying that my community and me has a better idea of what to do with my neighborhood is speaking my language. I like that. I don't like, let's not forget this before this, all this Trump shit started. That's where, that's what my position always was. And that's what it will always be. No one's getting tricked into joining one side of the other. It's, it's my side.

Everyone's on their own. What? Well, and these are things that people can wrap their heads around at the blister laws. Well, just because it's such, those things that can be done at such a local level, it's like, yeah, duh. I mean, did you want it or do you not? Yeah, just don't do it then.

I have. Yeah, so I don't know. That's happening. That was good news. Interesting. What how far it'll go? Yeah, what are two? And then, you know, you'll get to various people,

or groups with agendas that'll come out. And And then, you know, you'll get to various people or groups with agendas that'll come out. And of course, you know, it's already happening. Yeah, it's gonna be, of course, you're gonna get mad and, you know, MADD that is. And it's really frustrating. It's really frustrating to see like, was once you get in, you, once you get involved,

once you get into politics following it, it's very hard to get away. Like it's very hard to get away. Like it's very hard to pull that shit back out of you and go back to just not caring, realizing the whole system is fucked and that it's never going to get any better. And that, you know, just in the case of, see, I'm now I'm talking about it, but in the case of all of this stuff, Russia, what have you, what's going to happen? It's all going to come out in the wash. What if it's sooner or later, it's going to be resolved.

So it's like, it's every, it's like so much out of you to agonize on every little detail and then like it's like, well, I want to be educated on it. So I'm going to read every, every angle, every way this can possibly be framed. I'm gonna read a bunch of, you're just, what have other people have thought about it? You're just, yeah, you're just fucking poisoning yourself. Like tell me the, like tell me the meaning of life. Go ahead and read every philosopher

and then tell me, repeat what you fucking said, like a college sophomore and tell me what it's all about. Thank you for, because the news is reality TV now. They finally, they took, they took the Dr. Phil, they took the, who was who are the first reality people in our generation? Because it's like there was a clear moment where reality TV. Well, that was it was around a time of one of the writers strikes. I think so you had shows like a survivor. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Things like that that were real

because it was like, oh, they're not, quote unquote, scripted. Now they've become as produced as everything else. And yeah, so drama is more real because we say it's real. Yeah. Like we don't have to fabricate stories for you to care about this person.

You automatically care about them because it says this is a real person at the bottom of the screen. So the news saw that and said, oh, we're just going to do that for everything. Everything's a wh- everything is made up. Every goddamn thing on the news is just made up shit. They took reality TV and said, ha ha ha ha. Wait till you see what we can do with this shit.

You think it's, well, you think it's an important when it happens to people who are quote real. Watch what happens when it happens to entire countries. Watch this reality TV. Not one goddamn thing that you see on the news is real ever. It's just a bunch of lies to sell shit. Ah, so aggravating. All right, I got, I got some comedy stuff in here somewhere though.

Let me see if I find it. Yeah, here's one that was sent in by Dr. Mad Cow. Hmm. It's called the science justice warrior. Uh-huh. You know what I was talking about that? Oh, yeah. It's a series of announcements

from the science justice warrior. Mm-hmm. Um, hey everyone, it's me, the Science Justice Warrior. Hey everyone, it's me, the Science Justice Warrior, here to inform you of the latest achievements in scientific fields and why you should find them offensive, the Large Hadron Collider. After several months of maintenance, the CERN particle accelerator is back in business

and ready to smash those atoms. That's incorrect, Dr. MacKal. But before we flip the switch, can we please take a moment to realize how offensively we've named this technological wonder? You understand that this is news on the forefront of science justice, not science, but science justice. Okay. Because that's what's important.

Yes. Science is not, science doesn a matter. Science is stupid. The large Hadron Collider is a slight to overweight people across the globe. As we're all aware, science has nothing to do with beauty unless you know you're trying to be objective in which case, yes, obviously no one wants a fatty. But that's not the point. True beauty comes from inside, and this hot mama has time traveling subatomic particles inside of it. Name one skinny bitch that can accelerate particles inside of her colon. You can't, can you? That's because all thin people are Disgusting and useless on the inside. That's science. Why do we even feel the need to classify everything is overweight or large?

When there are plenty of more socially conscious adjectives available for our use. I think the particle accelerator would prefer to be called acceptably sized Hadron Collider or perhaps the, I can't help it, it's a glandular problem. Yeah. Hadron Collider. Yeah. I'm big. So everyone, please send an email over to Switzerland and let them know about the overweight masses. All right, should we try another? How'd you feel about that one? I think we should try another one. Try another one.

We'll try another one. See if we can get a laugh out of you. Make the Sean laugh is a good bit. Yeah, these days it's, it's getting harder. It's getting harder, harder man. You know what I mean? Reminds me of a great Woody Allen quote.

He said, um... He said, don't tell your mom. He said, do you think that 13-year-old speaks English? Yeah. No, that's not what he said. It was something that was somebody else. Sorry. No, no, no. He said, he referenced a joke. He said these two uh, two Jewish women from the cat schools were at a restaurant and one said,

God, the food here is terrible. And the other one said, yeah, and such small portions. And he said, and he said, and that's how I feel about life. Yeah. And boy, do I relate to that quote? Yeah, I mean, it really is. I was thinking the same thing. It's not very much.

It's not very good, you know? And you just always want a little, like you always want to pull the arm again. Yeah. Yeah. It's like this movie sucks, but I just, I wish there was a little bit more of it. Yeah. Yeah. There's no better way to say it, I guess.

Pluto, this is another announcement from the science justice area. Oh, good. Pluto can be a planet if she wants. Spelled ZHG. Get it? This August marks the 11th anniversary of Pluto being stripped of its planetary designation. As we all know, this was a huge blow

to the trans-planet community. As scientific officials removed the right for a celestial body to self-identify as a planet. All right, got one laugh. That's one Sean laugh. It shouldn't matter how massive a planet's gravity is, or that it consistently orbits a sphere of supercharged plasma, planet identity is on a spectrum,

pure and simple. Choosing the label of planet isn't resolved by some list of binary check boxes like NASA NASA would have you believe Neil deGrasse Tyson is a bigot. Yeah. You heard it here. Being a planet is not the mass that you were born with. It's an ongoing internal struggle.

The soulful journey of self discovery on a blissful rotation around our beautiful sun. Thankfully the battle for trans planet reform is far from over. Heroic congressman in Illinois and New Mexico are passing resolutions to honor Pluto's bravery with a day of reverence on March 13th or Pluto planet day. Is, uh, Caitlin Jenner writing the forward to the book. That's coming. Yeah. He's gonna be, or she's gonna be wearing a big styrofoam Pluto on her head. Yeah. Unfortunately, that date is also national elephant day. So those chunky bastards will be hogging the spotlight. Pluto may be the ninth from the sun, but he's the first in our hearts.

Oh, microaggression. That should be G. The first in our hearts. So the next time you gaze up at the heavens, take a moment to think about the struggles that classification fluid planets face. And take a minute to consider how much goddamn effort it took to change all of our stupid textbooks and science posters and mnemonic devices to remove Pluto. That's true. That's a good point. My educated mother isn't serving us nine pizzas anymore. You asked your animist, fucks, what's she serving now? Not pizza. Yeah. Because you took our pizza. Do they change textbooks? Do they even bother?

Yeah, they have to because that's how those companies make money. How long does a bro... They make a new textbook and then sell a how those companies make money. How long does a brand? They make a new textbook and then sell 10 million of them overnight. How long does a Brontosaurus in textbooks? Why is that not a dime? There's no Brontosaurus. There's no such thing. They knew it since about 1900.

Really? Yeah, they put one skull, they swap skulls. They had two skeletons, they swap skulls, they had the wrong fucking animal. So what is a Camerasaurus and a Padasaurus, I think? What's the big giant one? Well, there's lots of big giant ones, but that was, there's no, they swapped a skull. They put the wrong skull on another body

and called it a Brontosaurus and it's wrong. Dude, you know what? There should be like a book of shatter my fucking childhood, man. I know that dinosaur. That dinosaur is a scam. There's no such thing. It's a scam fake dinosaur. And they just keep pitching it.

No, they don't. They don't. How did we hear about it then? Because it just was never changed. Where they just didn't change it in kids books, texts, but whatever. So it's, yeah. What's Dino?

Right? Dinosaur. I'm right about that, right? Camerasaurus and a Pada Saurus. What was Dino from Flintstones? Is he a Bromosaurus? No, he was real small. He was real small.

He was a baby though, Mr. Puppies. I don't know. All right, let me see what else we got. There you go, that's from Dr. Mad Cal. All right, all right. I like the Pluto one. You like the Pluto one? Yeah.

Yeah. I've got other ones. Let's save them. Let's see if people like. All right. Let's see, Grant Mooney. All right. Let's see. Grant Mooney is on the line. Oh, Grant Mooney.

They're cool. Man, I got to tell you something too. I got a heroic story cooking up right now. You do? Maybe one of the best stories I've ever told on this show. I'm talking about a hero as epic as Gilgamesh or Ricky from trailer park boys or who else is a hero? I'm talking iconic in the making, a hero in the making happening right now that I'm gonna have one of the biggest stories ever told maybe in two weeks, really on the show.

When you come back, when you come back, that's a hell of a team. When you come back, you're gonna come into, I would tell it next week, but you're not gonna be here. Oh shit. You're coming into a big, big story. Wow. You're walking into a big story, my friend.

I can't wait. I can't wait to see if Grant Mooney's around. Yeah, there he is. There he is. Hey, what's up, Grant Mooney? Hey, what's going on? Oh my God, he's sound great. Did you lose weight?

Yeah, hey, so yeah, hey, there you go. Can you hear us? I can't see him. No, I can't see him either. I don't know if you can hear us. Here you. You can hear us. Okay, great.

Take turn off the gating on your discord. Yeah, or because it chops off the first thing that you say. Just the thresholds too high. Wide open. Oh, where do I do that? I don't know. Madcucks usually tells people how to do that. Let me see.

Let's just go with it. So Grant Mooney made one of the best songs from the old show. I don't know if you remember it. Which one? The recorder. Yeah, the Titanic thing. Of course.

And the X-Zone and Soul. So Grant took all of the, he made a super cut of all of the instances of that theme being played. It's like 40 minutes long. Here, I'll play some of it. My God. Adler's followed by Valentine's Day, sex with the X and then love. All right. So let's go on with the wait a minute, wait a minute. Rose Petalers won. Nobody won, Dick, because it's not a contest. I'm so tired of saying that. I really, okay, what's your gimmick? Let's hear it.

Well, I got people are really jumping on board the Titanic thing. You are on quite a tear. I do it. It's a dynasty. I told you last week that that problem would cement my dynasty of wins. Did I not? It's a little bullshit. Did I say that? I said that Rose Peddlers, which cement my dynasty.

You said something. You said a lot of things, Dick. Yeah. Well, here's somebody sending a song, speaking of song. Great. Something's been sending a song for my Titanic bit. Grant Mooney. This is bullshit. I'm out. You know this dog is from Titanic.

Yeah, I know. I wrote a whole hate article about Celine Dion. Is this just the song? No, it gets better. 40 minutes. Take it worse. 40 minutes of this. This I hate this song so much.

I'm saved. I'm gonna pitch you up on where we were in the last time. This is 15 minutes into it. I'm gonna take out my head, both. Bill Pax, I'm gonna chase this song. Pulled a safe out of the ocean ocean that he found in the Titanic. Make a fake, my fake documentary. I'm going to cut my red.

Cutting myself. Four million downloads. This is the only show where you just like, you got to play the deep in the air. Play the apology. The what? The Apple apology. I don't know how we're gonna edit this show without you for a week, Sean.

You'll be fine. Well, you know, I'm trying to get Tim to get in here. Yeah. This is the one time when we actually need Tim Changs to come in and do audio for the show. So Tim has been radio silent on me. Yeah, he dropped it for a long time and I think I know why.

Really? Yeah. Because I fucked him over a little bit just like I fucked over Waterboy last week. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, I remember this. I remember this.

I remember this. Not Waterboy, but no, I'm remembering now. What do you remember? Well, so what happened with Tim was, it was right at the beginning of the dick show, and Tim called me up wanting to talk. Yeah. And he said,

yo man, because he talks like that in real life. Yeah. Yo man, look, Tammy, you ain't answering my phone calls, man. Tammy's not answering my phone calls, look man. Why, Tammy, why? Max gave me this,

he's talking about maybe me having a show on the Madcast Media Network. Me and Tammy. Me and Tammy having a show called Love, Love Remind, Love Remix. The Love Remix show with Tim Changs and Tammy. I was like, yeah, well, you know, Tim, you should do that, get a boost.

Like, participate in the that, get a boost. Participate in the network, get a boost out of it, and then don't participate anymore. Then exploit it for, turn it into drama and leave. Get as much boost, get as much as you can out of the boost, and then be bigger. Well, that sounds like a recipe for failure. What, which one?

Mine? Yeah. Why? That's a joke. Oh, that sounds like a recipe for failure. What? Which one? Mine? Yeah. Why? That's a joke. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. It's right, because it's obvious. Because if you're on the network, the only reason Maddox is deluding his brand by letting

all these shitty podcasts on his network is to sell ads on them. That's the only goal is to get as many people on doing the work to sell ads on their shows and take a big fucking cut of the ads. So what you do is you get on there, you suck in, you suck in the viewers on the show. And then when the toll comes for you, when it's time to pay the bill, you leave. You take your viewers and you leave and you go get your own ads. You go do some kind of user-funded Patreon model.

You do something, but you don't let someone else profit from your work. You are the star of else profit from your work. You are the star of your show on your network. You don't give, like, it's not the huffing, Madness Media isn't the fucking Huffington Post. They're not bringing in millions of viewers. It's a couple thousand.

You're gonna get a couple thousand of a boost. You take that, you go do your own thing, right? But make no mistake. The only reason you're there is for ads to be pitched for your show. Yeah. It's the only reason. Only reason. So I'm telling Tim this.

Yeah, so don't think he's not getting something up. Don't think this is a fucking babysitter's club. Yeah. Wherever you're getting a, like, it's not over. You're getting, you're getting a site like it's not over. You're getting, you're getting YouTube. Someone's gonna sell ads eventually on your show. Someone's gonna sell ads for man purses that they're never gonna fulfill. And someone else is gonna take most of the money from your ads.

Well, you're there tickling yourself because you're on a network. Ooh, Delali. Look, I'm on a, I'm on a, I'm on a top shelf network. I'm so giddy. Even though you're not gonna get shit for it. You're not gonna get shit. Corolla did it, didn't work. Stern did it, didn't work because it doesn't fucking work. Yeah. It's not how it works these days. So I say this. do it, do that. And Tim says to me, but if I do that, there's one catch.

Yo, but if I do that, there's one catch. I can't be on your show. And I said, okay, well, you know, you got to kind of weigh these, like everyone's got to eat a little shit in life. And if you're gonna, if something seems like what you want to do, then just eat the shit. I don't know what to tell you.

Like, you don't want, you obviously don't want to do that, but you got to trade, you know, I just want to stay home and jack off all day. I don't want to work, but I do the work for the money. Yeah. You don't want to not be on my show, but if it's going to get you what you want, just you just, you got to make that,

you got to make that decision in your own mind, dude. Yeah, it's one of the things, and he's young too. And that's what, yeah. Yeah, and even when you're older, sometimes you have to remind yourself that, like, decisions are rarely so cut and dry and so easy. Never. You know, they're just, it's always,

you never know if you're the right one. Yeah, I mean, you may, you may with hindsight. But who do I have stopped at seven beers? Should I have, and was that eighth one, the one that got me kicked out of Dodger Stadium? Is that funny or then if I hadn't got kicked out? Yeah. So many choices, Sean.

We just don't know. And you never know how the other one would have gone. You never know. So then Tim says to me, yeah, well, I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about this on show. And that's, and that and the fuckery convention.

I'm sure you fucking would. Yeah. So what do I get out of this? Yeah. I just get to give advice and then nothing. Yeah. No, I get no, I get no way to, I get nothing out of this.

Where are my ads? Yeah. Where's my, who's giving me advice? Yeah. Who's helping me out of my, let me explain something to this is why I had to make the policy of everything you tell me I will talk about.

Because the truth is the only thing I have. Yeah. And when you have the truth on your side, you hit it all the time. Because people are gonna hit lies all the time. They, you hit it all the time. Because people are gonna hit lies all the time. They're gonna hit lies all the time. They're gonna be out there selling those fucking lies. That's right.

And you gotta get that truth out there as quickly as fucking possible. Because people who lie are threatened. Yeah, they're motivated. They're motivated. They're motivated. It's a pre, I have to get this out there and push this lie after lie after lie.

Yeah. Because I'm threatened and I have something to lose. Yeah. Because I have something to lose. And if you notice right after that, the dominoes started falling. Yeah. As soon as I said that on the air,

it came out that a stereo said the same thing. Other people had the same thing. Oh, you can't Larry had the same, that's when Larry said, oh yeah, I got the same, not only did I get the same threat or the same carrot or the same deal, but I was also, but then it turns out that the preposterous story that I threatened to punch Larry in the face was being told to a star is like, this is why it's important to the, for you, Tim, the truth is means nothing.

It's just another variable in the equation of what do you go with, of what comedy podcast you appear on? Right, nothing, means nothing, but to me it means everything, everything. So I think everybody's wondering. So I know, I know why he's gone, I think that's why he's gone silent. Oh, I think anybody's wondering. So I know, I know why he's gone. I think that's why he's gone silent. Oh, I think so too.

So for that, for all of that Tim, I am sorry. And if you want to fill in for Sean, next week, I'm not gonna fuck with you. I'm not gonna make you answer. Hard questions or any of this. You can come in and do comedy like it should be done. And I will, I apologize for outing that sensitive information you gave me

and putting you maybe in a shitty spot of having to deny it. Cause it's what I did. Yeah. Obviously what I did, it's the same thing Mm-hmm. I see that boom online. Yeah. Because that's what we're dealing with anyway. Grant Mooney. I love your super cut. Tim and Tim I'll do I'll do anything you want. We'll do anything you want. You can you can run the whole show. We'll get Tammy on

here. We'll get Tammy. I'll get Tammy back for you. Yeah. I'll give you an honorary degree to radio class from Dick University. Whatever you want. Sean will help you. Sean will be your tutor for radio class. It'll help you pass. Bull taste in apples. Oh, weren't they?

Okay. We've had a month, we've had a month to think about it. We've all had a month to think about it. We've all had a month to digest. The Apple test taste off. Did we learn anything? Yeah. Did any of us reconsider our retarded opinions on apples? I was back when I used the, the our last month.

Yeah, I have. A new favorite, Apple. It's the pink lady. The pink lady was a delicious apple. Okay. You know what? The red delicious was never my favorite. I just said that the criticism it received was unfair and unearned.

Okay. Unjust. And that was the bet that if you were wrong in that, you would have to read, right? You would have to read an apology on the air. Yeah. A 250 word apology. That's a good bet. Written by me. Apology was fucking horrible. That was the air. Yeah. A 250 word apology. That's a good bet. Written by me.

Apology was fucking right. That was the bet. Okay. That was the bet who ever lost had to read an apology written by the other person. All right. Do you remember that? Yes. And you, you elected to write your own apology.

Yeah, I did write my own apology. So I would like to read my apology. You know, I would love to hear your apology. I was driving over here with Sean and I'm like, I bet that motherfucker wrote his own apology thinking that he would fake us out by writing like a sarcastic apology and not realizing that the whole point is someone else's words of your mouth. Great. Here comes iTunes part two. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I have, I have in my hand, hot off the press, hot off the keys.

Let's get forward a little bit. Apology music. There we go. I actually have some. Do you have some? I do. Oh, if you want to play yours, go for it. I do, I do, I do.

Okay, then I'll play mine during mine. Okay. Here's my apology music. Oh, he's a big piece of shit. Oh, what an asshole.. Oh, jeez. He's a shit. Oh, what an asshole. He didn't see that coming. I know. The paper just says apology at the top says, okay. Yeah, because that's a word.

Me no shit about apples. I needed to save words. I only had 250 words. I had to save the words. Me no shit about fucking brand mooney. Me no shit about apples. Me sorryoney. Mino shit about apples. Me sorry for shitting out mouths about apples. Okay, except it's so far. Red delicious apples taste worse than a dog's dick.

And believe me, I know what a dog's dick tastes like. All right, Grant, thanks for all your music. What makes you a rage, man? I think, sorry, I got a, I got a police siren right outside my window. What'd you do? That make your rage there. I'll wait once.

I can wait. That's okay. Oh good, the horn too. Oh Jesus. What city do you live in, or area? I go. Oh, you're in Chicago. I Jesus. What city do you live in or area? Oh, you're in Chicago. Oh, okay. So you're in there a little bit of lag with the audio. Maybe. Yeah, they're I think it the buffer. It's it generally does that a little bit. I think that's okay. All right. What makes you rich, buddy?

One thing that really makes me a rage and our bucks a number of years. God damn it. Fucking discord, hold on. It always cuts people off. I'm gonna get, are you on Skype? The thresholds. Yeah, let me. It's the fucking threat, Matt. It's the gate threshold.

Yeah, God fucking damn it. Sorry about this. No, no, it's not you, it's discord. Are you on Skype? Per chance? I should probably open Discord once in my life to look and see what the interface is like. Ah.

I'm gonna blow my brains out to Discord. It's gonna be here, it was, here lies Discord. You did this Discord, I'm gonna send them the letter. But before I do that, I'm gonna buy like a thousand bucks for the stuff on my store. Oh, that's the key. Good idea. You gotta do that.

If you're gonna check out, check out its style. Yeah. Why Tammy? Why? I still don't think Tim will say anything. What do you mean say anything? Like respond over Twitter or anything like that. What did you, I tweeted that.

Respond or what? Oh oh just now, just recently. Yeah, yeah, last week. When you told me that you were gonna be gone for a week. Yeah. He just wants to do comedy. He doesn't want any kind of abrasive situation or anything. He just wants to be, yeah, but he creates abrasive situations. Does he?

Yes. Like, so this is what I've seen Tim do. For the sake of comedy, well you know him, gone on to a stage and in front of an audience and a guy's girlfriend out of the guy for trying to hit on playmates at a party he was at with him. It's like, so he's crossed over into, quote unquote,

real life. He goes after people in real life all the time. And then now when, now that I think maybe he's a little embarrassed, that he got kind of punked by Maddix and this whole thing like say, do this or else. And he's actually thinking about the or else thing because it's kind of a fucking embarrassing. Like for people to hear that you were considering that offer.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I think after, like nobody wants to be emasculated like that. Like nobody wants to have their autonomy taken away from them. Yeah. And you got it from both sides, because then I just, I talked about it. And he said you prefer if I didn't.

Well, you know, I hear that you prefer that, but don't fucking tell me then. All right. Granny there? Yeah, I'm here. Oh, I heard about all the fucked up audio. Please don't apologize for discord. It's their fault, not yours. My friend, what makes you a rage?

One thing that I've been thinking a lot about lately is morning people. Yeah. People that wake up early and in a certain kind of sense, a lot about lately is morning people. People that wake up early and in a certain kind of sense, they're sort of like vegans and crossfitters because they always have to tell you about it. And you get so sick of hearing people say, oh, I'm a morning person, especially if you have a hard time.

Like I've always had a hard time falling asleep and waking up early and stuff like that. I used to work a really early shift at Starbucks, you know, and You come in with these giant smiles and you just want to hit them in the fucking face. Yeah, who does this to you? Who's the morning person in your life? Nobody that I know really. Oh, I bet somebody from

Somebody's got to be a morning person over there wife girl friend mom dad my dad is a my dad is up ready to rock you know almost his main he's too breakfast my dad's the same way i guess i think i think i really have a problem with working a shitty job and uh... and having to uh... having to come in at like four in the morning and having people like smile and make comments like

oh you look like you didn't get any sleep and it's like fuck you you know? uh... they should have it's the fucking worst if we have to pretend like here's the deal the social contract we have to be pretend we have to pretend to be excited about weddings babies contract. We have to be pretend, we have to pretend to be excited about weddings, babies, all of these, all of these togetherness things. People like us have to pretend to be excited about.

Morning people should have to pretend because they obviously have some kind of zest for life in them. Like I just want to be a divi that they can wake up at five and be too happy, too stupid to realize that life has crushed the shit out of them. They should have to pretend to be as depressed as we are in the morning. So no matter how good you're feeling, if you roll through that drive-through at 5.36 in the morning, you better have a hang dog look.

Yeah. Like someone just killed your dog. You sing walking on sunshine right up until you get up to that window, and then I want to see a look in your eyes, like somebody just killed your dog. You shut the fuck up out of common decent. Down, somebody just killed your favorite muppet. Down, like, oh, hey, just thanks, thanks for making me this. They found out that this company were gay.

Yeah, and they weren't always. They weren't hiding it. They just suddenly turned gay. Yeah. It's smug and it's irritating, you know. It is it is irritating. I'm not a morning person. And I know there's some research that has been out recently saying that that morning people have small dicks. That school is starting to early. That it's not good. Like kids brains and stuff don't work that early in the morning. Classes start to early. Is there any research that says school is like,

I would like someone to prove to me with research that school is about educating kids? Because it's fucking, all the research I see is like, well, it's bad for this, it's bad for this, but it happens to align when working hours are. So that our economy can be based on both parents working. Like, does anyone have any research that it's like i'm like an auction here

and does anybody have a one-seater working in kids work in a school educate kids school educated kids for the so far i've got babysitting so far i've got babysitting so far i've got babysitting work in jimmy no that that's fine and says that schools harming kids no that evidence says that schools harming kids no that and says that homeschooling is better than public schooling sold babysitting children like there's no evidence that Evan says that homeschooling is better than public schooling. Sold, babysitting children. Like there's no evidence that says it's not that. I mean, that's a funny way to look at it.

I mean, I do think kids should be educated, but. It's like me saying, I drink because I love the taste of whiskey. Yeah, okay. And I love the 10th one more than the 9th one. So no, you drink as you're a fucking liquor head. That's what you're doing there. Oh, yeah, it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt that you're in, you know, that you're in school for most of the working hours. Yeah. Of course, what else are you gonna be? Oh, yeah, right. What else are you gonna be doing, Sean? Just minding your own fucking business at home. How about that?

Yeah. Yep. All right, Grant, when are we gonna hear some more songs out of you? That's a good question. I worked on one. I did a parody of that Natalie and Broglie a song on torn and wrote it, named it Broke, you know? Maddox is Broke. Yeah, it wasn't that funny though,

so I'll keep working on it thanks for your your Titanic song it was it was half-assed and but it was it was as half- fast as it was it was equally as legendary and I made that show a lot of fun for me I made me laugh every time every time yeah I Yeah, I love that bit. I was definitely surprised at how many people actually liked and enjoyed the song. It was a huge steaming piece of shit. I didn't put any effort into it. The vocals were shit. The vocals were the best part though, because you tried.

You didn't try to be funny. You just tried to do it. Yeah. Can you do a live in Chicago yeah can you do a you live in Chicago can you do a live version at the Chicago road rage show yeah I was thinking it'd be funny if it is met how it's gonna be at the Chicago road rage show I don't know I hope so I hope so too I think it'd be funny if I sang it to him and then he punched me in the face while I was singing it out of rage.

All right. So we got Grant Mooney doing a live cover of his song. I think Matt Barr wanted to play Street Fighter. Yeah. Everybody in Street Fighter. A lot of activities for the Chicago show that I really got to start planning this week. All right, dude. Morning people. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah, calling anytime. See ya. Yep. Morning people. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah, calling anytime. See ya. Yep. Morning people. Yeah. It's like people who are never cold.

Yeah. Well, I'm such a big deal out of it. I'm always hot. Me too. It's supposed to be. It's called all the passion that's in your body. It's heating you up. It's just, yeah.

I'm angry. I'm angry. I'm angry. I'm angry. Irritability. Okay. I got a, I got another bit that I want to do here. Let me see if this gentleman is around. I got to talk to Madcooks too. Apparently, you remember Joel Chaco? Apparently, he went off on this show and me on the show. Those guys just do. Here's what I don't get. Really? Like for 40 minutes.

Really? Yeah, he's tearing into me and this show and how I am an asshole and did fuck him over in some way. I don't know, I haven't listened to it yet. But he's not on that show anymore. No. This was business before he left. This was, he came, he called back in for a special

of just him ripping on this show. Oh. How I don't run it right. This was before he left. This was, he came, he called back in for a special of just him ripping on this show. Oh, how I don't run it right. Oh. Yeah, it's weird. It's interesting. It's interesting to read because I thought it was like a fake beef, like a wrestling beef,

but he's also told me these things privately. So I gotta get Mad Cux's summary of it. So this guy Adam isn't around. Maybe he's not. Mad Cux and Uncle Buck, he took over for Joel, basically, right? Yeah. Mad Cux took over for sure. And his real voice. Yeah. Well, it's, yeah. So he's tabbed, I guess, right? Yeah. Yeah. It takes her to me. Sean, it's ridiculous. Hey, what do you go as on here's what I don't get. I go by a different name. Okay, what do you go by? I cut that out Sean.

What do you go by? I go by Ted Bert. Oh, okay. Hey, so what's the deal? What did I'm waiting for this guy to call in about his teeth? I'm doing a trivia contest where a guy's going to win himself some new teeth because his teeth are fucked. It's going to win himself some new teeth because his teeth are fucked.

It's gonna win themselves some new teeth. Yeah, but while we wait for this dude, I guess he's not, I mean, I guess we know why he doesn't have teeth. Couldn't show up, probably. He couldn't even show up on time to win free teeth. Oh, probably doesn't brush his teeth with the correct frequency. Didn't floss, floss things, a big solution,

voted up. Yeah, hey, so what's Joel's beef with me? Is it real or is this like a fake wrestling thing? correct frequency. Didn't floss. Floss things a big solution. Voted up. Yeah. Hey, so what's Joel's beef with me? Is it real or is this like a fake wrestling thing? Is I know he's a wrestler? Oh, he is here. Okay, let's do the, let's do the, let's do the Chaco thing first.

What's, what did Joel say about me on your show? Well, he basically like tore you down. I feel like, you know, a really great time to come on the to come back on the show and really shit all over Dick Masterson is the week after, is it your three days after I spent the whole weekend, chilling the show, come listen to the show. Thanks a lot, Joel. So, you know, the first, for the first time, one of us, now that it's not involved with you, so I don't get someone finally posting on the right. Thanks for the upper decker,

about the about the show. And it was like, Hey, that's great. You know, people are listening. And then it was just, you know, like 80 comments of how much we suck. So you come out here for an entire week and do a ton of comedy, which benefits me more than you with the exchange of like you plugging your show. And we're talking about it. And then Joel and me, Joel Chaco immediately comes on your show and shits all over me and this show.

Yep. Pretty much. Pretty much that. Yeah. On this is, you can't get anything right. You know why the military works at all? Why? Because the second somebody starts thinking for themselves, they get screamed at until they start crying. get anything right. You know why the military works at all? Why?

Because the second somebody starts thinking for themselves, they get screamed at until they start crying. Because that's what it takes. That's what it takes to do anything. I know. And this is, yeah, you can look at movies and stuff. And there's things like where people just rampantly break protocol.

Yeah. And they can't, what do you mean? I'll get off on a tangent. Bringing someone into a room who nobody knows I'll get off on a tangent, bringing someone into a room who nobody knows. We're off on two tangents from a guy winning free team. Yeah. What are you gonna? I think I've told you, my uncle was a spy. What? Did you know that? I did. Yes, but that's the first time you've ever talked about it in the show. Yeah. What kind of spy? I mean, you're talking he was a spy in East Germany, like a cold war

spy. Yes. Yeah. Okay. And was an intelligence, after that, it's a James Bond level spy from the Harryville. Yeah. Too high up to ever be like interviewed. People they interview on TV are morons, or they're retired. Those are people who don't know any. How high?

High enough to take meetings with as high as you get. With the reptilian aliens that really run the planet. Yeah. Was he high enough? That was the high enough up where he didn't have to look over his shoulder to make a joke, make a racist joke. That was always that was his thing where he's just like, man, the movies are, he's like, if anybody thinks that is how things are, yeah, it's wise. Just just people going rogue left and right, you know, like, okay, it's just, I don't know. It's just, but why did you bring it up about people going rogue, left and right? What were we talking, we were talking, I just lost my time. I was shouting

people who started thinking for themselves, shouting at them until they cry. That, that's why, because there is such protocol on all that stuff, even for spies, for everybody. Yeah, for us to be followed to the letter. To the letter because it has been worked on and improved over the years. It's better than what you have. It's better, that is one example where the collective knowledge of the group and those who came before is much greater than you.

And it's like you see rule number 45 that you just broke. Somebody died making that rule. That's why we have probably many people. So don't think you're way around it. Yeah, we got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust me, you're not that smart. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you have spy stories? What I'm your uncle? Not really. I mean, what's he going to, he's not going to around. Yeah. Oh, you know, he's still around. No, he's retired and all that. But yeah, no what's he gonna, he's not gonna round? Yeah. Oh, you know, he's still around. No, he's retired and all that.

But yeah, no, no, no, no, he's not gonna, what he call in and give us some spice, spice stories? Like, no, he's seducing ladies. He always said that. He always said it never mattered if you were retired or not or whether something, either something was declassified. Yeah. He still wouldn't talk about it.

But what about women that, you know, I'm talking about the erotic stories from real spies. Who knows? Real Sean spies. That would be, that's what I want to know. He is one of the most interesting people I've ever met. He's brilliant. He's absolutely brilliant.

He'd be a fascinating interview. Does he look like you? Uh, no. He looks sexier than you. Um, look like you? No. He looks sexier than you. No. No, no, no. I don't think it's weird. I'm a mix of both sides of my family.

So I don't really, he's on my mother's side. Okay. Yeah, I don't know that he, I don't know. I mean, he looks like my grandfather, but I don't really see that much of a room. Would he be interested in talking at all? I don't know why you're about secrets.

I don't care about nuclear secrets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care. But as far as I'm concerned, the money that gets taken by the IRS is all I need to know. Like, okay, all that's being spent. That's all theft. I don't care what you're doing.

You got me thinking now. I want to hear about the romance part. Yeah, I have this bias. You know, you know, you're going to hear about the romance part. Yeah, I have this piece. I'm sure I wanna hear about the wake of women and the broken hearts that spy Sean. Funny. And the scuba suit has left behind. Did you see what I mean?

All right, so what madcugged? So what is Chaco saying about me? What's his deal? Well mostly, mostly he just, I don't know, I feel like he, the way that I described it was His way of running things and your way of running things are very very different and yeah, they never meld it And so he just I think he has a general frustration towards the way that he's he's kind of been addressed on the on the Dix show community and You know he's a he's a Canadian. I think that he's he's a little too red-pilled for Canada,

but a little too apologetic for America. So he's a man without a country man, without a country. Yeah, he just had a lot of stuff to say and he wanted to get off his chest. And I guess he thought, hey, right after you pitch the show, all these people, that's a great time to get it off the chest. That way, you know, the best, really the best way, because then they don't waste their time

to come in and listen to one episode. They're like, yep, this is garbage. I leave. Let's go down. Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah. So he did. You don't pissed him out.

Because he, okay, so it is real. It is a real big thing. It is definitely 100% real. Yeah, I can definitely vouch for that. Well, maybe he's a real big fan. He's so it is real. It is a real big thing. It is definitely 100% real. Yeah, I can definitely vouch for that. Well maybe he should call in then.

I don't like talking about people and they're not around to defend themselves. I don't think he's ever going to do that. Oh god damn it. Does he not like the framing of him leaving the show or something? Well, he's implied there's implied drama. It's a cavalcade of complaints implied drama and there's no time. It's a cavalcade of complaints, John. It's 40 minutes.

I told him we were sitting down, we having a real hard time. I was like, look, man, this is what you do. Okay. Store it away, lock it away for eight months, then put out a YouTube video and tell everybody how bad a person is. Yeah, that's what I did.

It worked out really well. It worked out real well. Yeah, I know that he's pissed that I don't respond to him fast enough. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that definitely, you know, whereas I have the problem with you not see seeing me on emails.

Yeah. Joel doesn't like how slowly it takes you. We really have a lot in common when you think about it. Me and you. Are you and Joel? No, no, me and Joel. Oh, you and Joel. Yeah.

Well, he wants to call in and and read me the riot act, he can. I will let him know that. I love that. He's the one that got Surnavich on, basically. Oh, which was cool. I like Surnavich a lot. Yeah.

Who do you know is that? A lot of people hate him. Yeah. And I think when he was on and everybody... People talked about him. People talked about him, but he was on it. It was like, it was kind of a wake up call to me that like a lot of the audience is not,

does not share my political position. Doesn't want to hear about them. No, and well, and actually though, there's something for everyone on this show. And I know this show is the people who you hear from are the ones who are far right for the most part. Here, probably the most. Probably the people won't call in.

No, the most vocal. No, you can never judge, you can never judge a listenership based on the callers. Yeah, the most vocal. No, you can never judge, you can never judge a listenership based on the callers. Yeah. Or the contributors. Yeah. It's just that's how it's worked in broadcast. I know, Trockco is, he got it.

I like that. I like that. I like that all of a sudden the silent majority shows itself occasionally. Yeah. And I'm fine to adjust. And after that, I talked to Joel on the phone, and he said, look, I want to be a producer,

but I'm not going to do this for free. And I'm like, all right, you know, that's not the way I wouldn't negotiate, but who am I to say that that's wrong? All right, like I like to do things like a drug dealer, give a little bit for free. And when you need it in your life, when you realize that you can't live your life without this,

I'm gonna hit you with a bill. That's how I don't hit you with a bill up front because then you're gonna say, oh, you're gonna be doing a lot of equations in your mind before you experience what I'm bringing to the table, right? Like you do, this goes for everything. This goes for everything. This is how, this is what,

I mean, without being aware of it, this is how women and women deal with each other. You're showing up like, this is why guys get so pissed off when they get friend zone because they try to swoop in there and they try to be that part that she can't live without. They try to give free support, I'll help you move, I'll deal with your problems. I'll help you out.

And I'm trying to establish myself just like a fucking drug dealer as that guy. You can't live without. And then I'm gonna hit you with that bill. And that bill is gonna have one blow job, please. One girlfriend, please written on it. And a girl will get that, keep getting that free friend should after a while.

But she'll say, you know what, I can live without this. You haven't sold me what's that? What? That's basically what I said in the episode was that that's, you know, if you want to, if you want to do contribute to the DIC show, what you do is you make something that's good and you submit it in for free. And then if it gets a good reception, then you go, hey, I want to do more.

Maybe, you know, throw a little bit of money my way. It's supposed to just opening with the money, because it's like, well, you can't even prove that you can do more than one bit. Well, then after Cernivich had turned into like, how about this, how about this right wing person, how about this right right now? I was like, look, I really appreciate this, but it's not a right wing political show. And you know, maybe I didn't handle it correctly, but the way I work is, if I have to correct, I just ignore.

Because I don't have time to deal with, I don't have time to, you know, you got to lead everything. Like I just got to go with something that works. And then the ignoring, like I got a lot of messages like I like Joel one time sent me a screenshot on my Facebook that was this person responds in five minutes and it was a screenshot of that and it was not to me. And I was like, Hey man, like I don't I don't need to deal with this. Like I appreciate if you want to help out and if you want to work, but I don't need to

deal with that kind of thing. You know, I got a girlfriend. If I need that, I just turn around. I could pick a fight at home. I don't need to be picking fights. I'm gonna do a fight. Yes, you got it, Monty. We can fight as long as you need to fight today. I'm game.

I'm always down for a good fight, but yeah, that's why. I don't know, so I don't know what's going on. I would, you know, I don't know if people realize how much mail you get. I was like, complaining, but it's like, no, no, no, but it's I got a pick which ones to respond to. Third, I've gotten bad at getting back to people real because it, you got to think, you got to put thoughts in it.

I always try, I always try to respond thoughtfully. And who knew that I would be getting the amount of mail that I get in addition to other stuff? And it's like a lot of them are questions that require some thought. And I don't want to shortchange anybody. So, but it was, I was great for, you know, a good year or so. And I got back to fucking everyone. And now it's just like some fell by the wayside. Yeah, I feel bad.

I feel bad about this. Yeah, I don't, but it's, you just don't think about that kind of stuff where, you know, because, and it's, of course, and all of a sudden, it's like three or four weeks. Oh, I know. All of a sudden, eight months have gone by and this guy's talking shit about you on another show. Like, what the fuck? Yeah, I mean, their question is important to them and they feel like it deserves a

response and it does. But when you're on the other side, sometimes you just, you get in and dated with it. It's a hell of a fucking awesome problem to have, but at the same time, people get irritated. I understand it from that standpoint. Well, if Joel, I always just say, write me again. If I get back to you, just write me again.

If Joel wants to call in, and I'm gonna continue my apology tour with Waterboy and Tim Chang, and I guess Joel, if he wants to call in and tell me what I'm fucking up the show. Mad Cucks, I'm going to get this. I'm going to let this guy win some teeth here. I think. All right, wait.

Yeah. Thanks for letting me set the record straight and be sure to listen to here so I don't get for all your shit and on dick masters and needs. Well done. Thanks guys. Thanks guys. All right Adam, are you on dick masters to needs. Well done. Thanks guys. Oh, all right, Adam, are you on? Mad cooks. Yes, I am here.

What's up, buddy? Yeah, I can hear you. Great. So this is, I thought this would be kind of fun. Adam posted in the Facebook group that he's in desperate, desperate need of getting his teeth fixed. He said, this is his, like his go fund me thing. Is he in, and you what?

No, he's just a, what are you? What's your, where are you? What's your deal? I live in upstate New York. I'm a, a month. You're a month. All right. And what is wrong with your mouth exactly?

Because I saw, I saw these pictures and they're horrifying. Really? I'm like, this is, go ahead. Well, I basically, my front tooth is really crooked. It's like very far out of place due to, like, I have Tourette syndrome. And when that kind of started to first, like, hit me when I was like in my mid teens, yeah. One of my ticks was like, I I like bit down on that tooth.

Oh, really? I can't really describe it. Oh, yeah. But then that slowly pushed the tooth out of place. OK. So you didn't have the funny kind of terrestrial. And the guys where you call people cock goblins and stuff, you had the evil bad guy cause you to chip

your teeth out of alignment. OK. Yeah, basically. Next. What else? And the other the other teeth are just kind of decaying because I just haven't had good, consistent dental care for most of my adult life.

So just get cavities and then the cavities get worse. Dude, what's going on? You just said, you think dentists are a scam or something? I respect that. No, I just don't have the money. And like dental insurance covers very little of the actual cost of dental care. Okay.

And it's just dental insurance is just really expensive to get on your own and most employers don't provide it. Okay, so here's what happened. I saw this and I don't, this is, I was, I was drinking a little bit. Well, liquor was starting to do the thing. Yeah. And I see this guy's post on Facebook and here's the kicker.

It costs like 300 bucks for him to get these fucking things pulled. His teeth pulled, right? He's got this, what about replaced? Don't worry about the replace. Just get, if you have, I have lived with fucked up teeth my entire life. Yeah. Like I've had my skull cut in half to move my jaw so that the teeth would stop dying.

Like every single, I've had every single fucking problem with my teeth, but I've spent three years in braces. And the one thing I know is that from all the pains I've had, the teeth one is the worst because you can't eat and it's in your head. Like when it's in, if you have carpal tunnel, you can, for some reason, you can block that out in your mind.

Like you can pretend like that's something else because it's just attached to you. But it's in, when it's in your head, it is like a fucking beehive in your head all day. So I thought, all right, let me fix this. It's $300 to pull these teeth and at least get rid of the pain. I'm in.

I click on the thing, I follow his links and I click on the guy's profile to make sure he's not pulling a fast one. Yeah, yeah. Make sure he's not like a child blister or something. Yeah, or that, or maybe he just wants a grill. Well, I'm afraid it was worse. I got on his Facebook profile

and I see all this anti-Trump shit, anti-liberitarian, libertarians that devil nice at all. No, yeah, I can't just give this guy money. I'm a philanthropist, but I can't justify that. I can't look my Trump bubblehead in the face after rewarding this sort of behavior. He's he's committing some.

Unforgivable sin for the didn't need to be said. You know, there's no reason. There's no reason for you to be shitting on libertarians. I mean libertarians, we don't we don't we don't get anything. We're not pulling a fast on any. I'm kind of like the anti-Sernavitch. Like I say a lot, but I don't really mean most of it. So you're like Rachel Maddow?

Or I guess she knows it. Who's the anti-Sernavich? Oh no, I guess the anti-Sernavich would say it in mean it. So I guess that doesn't really, isn't accurate. Yeah, I'm just a shit poster. So how old are you? I'm 29. Oh, okay, I'm always just curious.

29? Yeah, well, we gotta fix them. Fucking teeth, man. All right, so you, this is, so this is what I came up with. This is my compromise to myself so I could sleep at night. Adam's gonna do a trivia quiz of Dick's show trivia questions. And if he gets three out of five, I'm gonna fix those teeth. I'm gonna drop the 300 bucks and fix those teeth.

Okay. Okay, so I studied, but I'm probably gonna lose. So bucks and fix that's okay. Okay. So I studied, but I'm probably going to lose. So I said on that, so I popped into Facebook thread and I'm like, hey, call in tomorrow. And this was last week or two weeks ago. And we'll do a trivia question. He goes, well, I just, I just started listening. So I said, you get weak to study. You got a week to study to crash course. And you got to sit with those teeth for a week. Okay, are you ready for this, Adam? As ready as I'm going to be. You get one phone, a Sean.

You can one. One. A Sean. Yeah, you can. One. One. A Sean. Okay. You can phone a Sean one time. Fuck, I hope I know. That's what makes it exciting.

Sean. I wish I had some music, some exciting game show music for dicks. Dick fixes your teeth. Game show. It's no cash floor. It was Grant Mooney, but you know, maybe you get you to fix it. It's either the full amount or none. How many teeth do you need pulled? I currently need three teeth pulled. There may be more in the future, but those are the

ones that are like immediately an issue. And then once the jaw heals, I'm going to need to have partial dentures made for the top row. Yeah. Okay. One phone, Ashon, remember. What was the first rage that I brought in on the Dixho? Um, episode number one. Episode number one. I was hot to try. Ah, let me think.

The caravan. The caravan? The caravan. You hate the caravan. Why do you think the caravan? Because I listened to all of it and I'm pretty sure that was the first one you brought in was the caravan. I thought it was Mexico. Like, you hate, like, oh, Mexico was the...

You're right, though. You the episode first thing you do. You're right. That's correct. Okay. Because I was complaining about it. I'm talking about it. No, he's right. Because I was complaining about going down to Mexico with 80s girl.

Yeah. And how every, the whole trip took like three hours longer than it should have. Yeah. Because we had to all meet up and go together. It's the worst. Yeah. You're absolutely right. God damn, you know this better than I do. All right, that's one.

My heart's bumping right now. That's one for one. Okay, question number two. What was Denzel's movie called? Denzel was Denzel's long con. Oh my God, that's absolutely perfect. Okay, all right, it's two for two. Two for two.

Two for two. What was the name of the comedy album that a stereos wrote that charted in Billboard magazine. Oh, damn. I'm gonna go with my phone, Sean. Sean, what's your suggestion for this one? Was it called Cuckmas Carols? That's your phone, Sean.

That's Sean's advice. I don't want to weigh in either way. This is very... A federal agency could rain down on me like they did on the quiz show. Really embarrassing if I'm wrong about that. the federal agency could rain down on me like they did on on the quiz show really embarrassing if I'm wrong about that. It wasn't like five episodes ago, 10 episodes ago. Cuckmas carols, I think. I'm going to I'm going to go with it. I'm going to go with Sean's answer. I'm sorry, but it was Cuck's Miss Carol's colon bald headed lies. Oh, God. I'm very sorry,

fellows. Oh, geez. But that's like saying Rambo's first movie was Rambo. Yeah. It was first blood. All right. Gotta be, when we're talking about tea, it's got everything's gotta be specific. Sorry, sorry man, I'm trying to save Dick 300 bucks. Yeah, that's just what I'm saying. Okay. Question four.

True or false? Ooh. Sean. Love's the band rush. False. Sean, false, false, okay. That's it. Let me get, I still want the last question.

Okay, what did I not think that I could score? Three or four and I fucked him. So basically he's, that was fucked. Snacks, you got it. That's four out of five. Well done. Yeah, all right. Wow. That's four out of five. Well done. Yeah. All right.

Wow. We do just put in a sound effect here. That was damn good to make it sound exciting. Okay. Hit the guy one. All right, man. I'll fund your, I'll fund your GoFundMe thing. I'll hit me up after it.

All right. So hit me up afterwards. They don't take a big chunk out of it. Let's get you some fucking teeth, dude, because those are... Man, teeth, it's one of the first things. You ever see people with like really bad teeth, like they'll cover their mouth when they laugh, or something, like people who are really self-conscious about it?

It's fucked up because people see, it's, it's not easy to live with like really fucked up teeth. All right, congratulations. I don't wanna see any more anti-Trump or anti-libertarian shit in your Facebook either. I'm gonna be watching. You owe me your allegiance for the rest of your life. You just got, you just life. Libertarianism. You just gave up all of your scruples. Libertarianism just got your new team. All right, buddy. Hey, what makes you a rage? I have a whole list of things

that make me a rage, but I'm gonna have to go with, you know when you go to Walmart or like Kmart, and you see teenagers who clearly do not need the mobility scooters, riding the mobility scooters. Mobility scooters. And you don't do anything about it. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know that existed. Yeah, people gotta get the kids somehow.

This sounds like something that I should be in on. Riding scooters around? Yeah. Sounds like the most fun I've ever I should be in on. Writing scooters around? Yeah. Sounds like the most fun I've ever had is writing one of those mobility scooters around a casino in Vegas. I think it was the Sahara. It's guy, friend of mine broke his leg

and I was so drunk I don't remember doing this but he was sitting down and I drove his mobility scooter around the casino for a while, knocking into slot machines and it's going nuts trying to get kicked out. I didn't know you could just do it on your own at Walmart. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, people, I mean, it's not really like,

I mean, if they're doing it, like your situation was they gave your friend one, and you were just taking your friend. So there was a justifiable like bridge between the action, but I mean, like when people just like walk into Walmart and be like, you know what, I don't wanna walk,. So I'm just going to sit down on this thing and just ride around on it. It irritates me not so much that they're doing it because like, like you said, it's funny. But irritates me about the situation is when the employees don't say or do anything about it, and it's really

friggin obvious that they don't need to use them. Like they're racing through the hall, through the store on them. And they don't need to use them. Like they're racing through the store on them and they don't say anything. We're not as if it's the gentle transition into a society of robots, where cops are robots. Like everybody used to have to use their own judgment a lot every day. Like even imagine all the way back before like a guy, imagine you're in the 1800s,

guy comes up to your ass ranch and is like Hey, I'm your dad's buddy like I don't even know if that's true. Yeah, I gotta use my own I really gotta fucking eyeball you up man like you're my dad's buddy I got some trivia questions about my dad and I ask them maybe I don't even know the answer But now absolutely no judgment people are prohibited from using their judgment on the job and at home. If you watch the news, the news will tell you, we will read the secret emails

and then tell you what to think about them. You're not supposed to use judgment, you're not supposed to use your judgment, and at any moment, at any moment, you wanna know what kind of car to buy? Check out CNETS, car and driver magazines magazines top best car of used car of the year you got Anything you want to buy look at this you don't even get to you do I pick up a passenger put them in my car on Uber Well, let's see what they're fucking rating is not a single ounce of judgment

And so much so that if you show any, people will react with horror of something, it's like you've dropped like a colloquial of a racial epithet from the 30s. Like, what did you, what was that that you just said? Did you just exercise some judgment on your own? That's a, what do you, sir, you need a time machine? Take that back to the old West. Yeah.

Mobility. Yeah, that was kind of what I was getting at. All right, buddy. Have a good one. Enjoy your teeth. Thank you. Get him out as quickly as possible. See ya, see ya.

Stop talking shit about Trump too. All right. So you're going to help him remove teeth. Yeah, not by him new teeth. No, just get rid of the pain. Yeah, well, that's, yeah, first. You got to, there's steps here. Someone asking, I mean, what do I gotta do everything?

Yeah, I don't know, you can just more, more trivia. Maybe we can see how, we can see how blinged out we could make his mouth. These were hard enough for me to make up. Yeah. And I still didn't know the answers. Did you really not know the answers? Well, I didn't know the Mexico one.

Yeah. That was just Mexico. I knew the ball that it lies one. I knew the both of you had missed that. Really? Yeah. Colin. I should have had another stumper to make it make it go all the way to five. That's why I fucked up. Yeah. Alright, let me play. I got some Tammy. I love your laugh. I got a prank call. What do you want to hear? Tammy or the prank call. I got a Consuelo anniversary. Let's do Tammy.

Okay, I thought you would say that. Low tax sent these in. Yeah. I'm just gonna pick a random one. They just have numbers. Oh, what time? I went to this concert. Oh, here I am.

40 years old. Go into this rock concert. Haven't been to a concert forever. What was my good friend, Debbie? And some of her concert buddies. You know, that got this raw concert, haven't been to a concert forever. Went with my good friend Debbie and some of her concert buddies. You know, they got this little concert group. And they just happened to ask me to go because there was an extra ticket. I felt so privileged.

It was so cool. I was just like, let out of a cage. Oh my goodness. And you know, I look like a cat of now. And oh my goodness, we were at the front at the stage and I got such a kick out of I've got to touch the guys. And I'm like, Oh, I got to touch you. I'm going to touch you. Well, now I look back at it and think, Oh my goodness, what I must have looked like. I'm 40 year old crazy woman. What was the concert?

That's a wish. That's a crazy girl's at the front of the stage. Oh, well. There you go. You want another one? No. No? Not even a little bit.

Yeah, I think that one turned me off. I don't want to. I do like the one where I, the one that one turned me off. Let's do it. I don't want to do it. I do like the one where I, the one that cracked me up was one where she was talking to the basketball players going, was up. Oh, yeah. And then she had like 10 of herself laughing at that one.

That one there was in the flat track. Yeah, wasn't funny. Yeah, all right. I don't know if that's what you want. One time I had, oh my goodness, you talk about embarrassing moments. Yeah. One time I had this one that was so bad,

I was in high school and I don't know what, I'm talking like I have an accent again, I don't know where that comes from. Oh, that must be the other part of me, that gym and I part coming out. The brain light, bright brain. I got twins in me. Oh my goodness I sometimes

I think I have triplets me myself and I we gotta keep each other company you know still laughing yeah what that word board Iom coming into our frame but it can't talk. What a fucking thing. That's the that's the Kansas way we clear out our heads we go Oh God, okay. All right, Tammy. Thank you. Thank you.

I got some cool gifts I gotta go over. Dick had a lot of fun putting these together Enjoy Deus Ex Machina a K a copper man open this one first, but then there was nothing in there It's a this guy copper man did a bunch of Lego dudes. Yeah of the show check that out. That's It's lettuce johns see let it let us Let us had there's a little peach. She's got a video games controller and a five on her shirt. I don't know why that is. Five or maybe it's an S for saliva. Here's Larry. Oh, cool. Yeah. Here's a stereo. It's looking like Al Borland. Nice. There's you.

No shirt. With that phone. Yeah, oh there, get them next to the camera. I'll put these all the way. That's funny. Here's me and the man's playing in outfit. That's pretty cool. Damn, those are cool.

Yeah, they're really good, dude. Here's Denzel and it fucking looks like Denzel. Like the face, the smile is even like Denzelie. He's totally black and everything. He didn't have a stand either. You know what? Denzel didn't come with a stand. I don't know, shit.

Here's coach. He's got a blank face and a bunch of guns. Yeah. And here's Maddox and Gaudi. He looks like he's in the SS. Yeah, look at that. Big AR, they are 15. It's got a long way magazine that mine, this is me.

Oh, that's you, oh, that's another one of you. Yeah, pretty cool. That is cool, those are really cool. Pretty fucking cool. I've been forgetting to think Shelby Durham forever for these liquor samples, these, Oh, you look at all these, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been pulling away at them,

but I forgot to thank him. Let's see, Jim Schmatz sent in, he sent in a bunch of dickles too. Oh. Because everybody took mine. Yeah. He's fucking cool. I think he sent it in a note too.

I'll read that. Oh, I found Denzel stand. Okay, cool. Everybody's got one. He sent in the dickles in an Adam Nash t-shirt because you lost yours, I think. Oh, this is, oh no, that's not yours. This is yours because it's got the V-neck.

Oh, it's a nice. There you go. Thank you. Keep your hands on it. I want one. Don't lose it. I want one. Dic, I'm glad you gave all the currency to the people

instead of keeping it for yourself. I wanted to make sure you got your own stash of dickles cool, like gold and silver after the collapse society, they'll be more valuable than any American currency. Maybe even Bitcoin, I don't know. And it's good, did you see how Bitcoin's exploded? No. In the last week?

No. Oh my God, it's up, it went up like a thousand bucks in a week, right after that ransomware hit. So I don't know, maybe it was related to that. It's good to have some around for when the time comes. This wooden box did not come out as great as I had expected it, but it came guaranteed to never have been up any tranny or furry assholes. Oh my goodness, spicy gym, which is more than some of your other wooden gifts can claim.

I hope you cherish it for at least five minutes. Sean, I heard your Adam Nash shirt have been stolen from the security of the back room of the theater in Philly. I was literally shaking. So I jumped into action and had another one made for you along with this Adam Nash decoy shirt printed to prevent this from happening. Oh, I see. So Jim made a decoy shirt that

obviously is a decoy because it's not a V-neck. Thank you, Jim. So that's for you to carry. So if people are going to steal it, they're going to steal this one. If you're ever in a situation where you feel like someone may want to steal your adenash shirt again, simply leave the adenash decoy shirt by gilding out for unsuspecting thieves to take instead. Awesome. They'll be long gone before they notice their mistake, probably when their nipples begin to bleed. I'd heard about people using the same strategy with wallets and I thought it could easily be applied here as well.

Yeah, sure. Jim Schmetz, PS, my printer crapped out. So we had to hand right, well, some of this letter. Because he's a printer and command. All right, this has been the Dickshow. Go to the Dickshow.com Patreon.com slash the Dickshow. And check out if you listen to, to, uh, here's what I don't get. And you were annoyed that it was just an entire episode of, uh, Joel Chonko, shitting on the logistics of this show. And then maybe give it a second shot when

it comes on Friday. Isn't the Dick's Show? See you next Tuesday. This is by a Stuttering Ghost. He's layered guitars on top of each other. Check it out at a Stuttering Ghost stop being camp.com. This gets going once the second guitars start coming in, third guitar takes a while a build. They all read a comment while it's building. All right.

Hey, Dick, I left that voicemail about being on hormones and gasping on day one. Just wanted to let you know it was 100% real. Sean, cool. Remember that guy or a lady? Well, I'll quickly do the horror Adam's work and what day do you wake up and start being offended that people aren't calling you the wrong? I don't know. I don't know. Hopefully we haven't passed that day yet

Thank you for including me on your show just for the record hormones don't do shit for your voice Either have to practice speaking higher We're good a lot of surgery to change. Yeah, because your vocal chords have already lengthened. Well, I'm testosterone and puberty. I knew he was real, not because of the quality of his voice. Yeah, but my point was one day of hormones. Yeah, but I mean, I'm saying I knew that that was a real call.

Because I could hear something. Yeah. You know, I could hear something. Like I, you play me one note on a piano, I'll tell you what has happened in that note's life. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like if I get, even if I get the wrong thank you,

I'm like, how did you mean, like, what was the deal with the very, I could zoom in like a fractal endlessly on the way people talk to find, like to whether they're bullshitting me or not. That's what I believe, so I'm very susceptible to scams because of that. Ah. Also like hysteria is my,

I don't have a problem being known as a transitioning person. I just hate presenting things. I think our shity are unfinished. Unless I get helpful criticism. Until then, I keep everything in private, practicing music, coding to this. What is he talking about here? Oh, he keeps it private.

I historically cared too much with other people think and keeping things that are in progress. Mostly private has done wonders for my productivity. Yours, and go fuck yourself Dan. Okay, so still guy. Still identifies as a guy, then. Yep. Ah, let's see.

This is from Reddit. The winner of the open-rage Friday thread says, every day, I program, brick and stone roads. Why the fuck would you make a brick road? We're in the modern era. We have super computers in our pockets. Gays can get married, my car can go a hundred miles an hour. And I can wear a VR headset and virtually fuck a broad.

You can't do those things. So why are there still brick roads around? It's not cute and old-timey, it sucks. We aren't driving horse and buggies around anymore, either. We're going three miles an hour. We aren't going three miles an hour. We have a better solution for bricks. It's called pavement.

It's smooth. It lasts longer. It's easier to fix. It doesn't destroy my car when I drive over. This guy's got a big problem with brick roads. Have you seen any brick roads? Where's he living? I don't know.

I mean, how many brick roads cap all over the world? Can he possibly drive on it any brick roads? Where's he living? I don't know. I mean how many brick roads capital of the world? Can he possibly drive on it any given day? Let's see if he says My city has stone roads maybe lives in England. Well, yeah, I mean you've you know You go to some old Scottish towns or whatever there is like cobblestone streets still you go I've been to St Andrews and Karnusty. And you know, it's funny about this though, when we have spaceships, like there's going to be some fucking idiot who makes a spaceship out of wood. And it's like, that's the, that, it's the premier hipster

spaceship. Yeah. You know, the US, 21st century Howard Hughes, Moby, it's made out of, it's a wood spaceship. Uh-huh. For your, it's a little, it's a throwback. The entire inside of the spaceship, the outside of the spaceship is made in wood, not real wood, it's, you know, it's invisible aluminum, but it's textured to look like wood.

So you took the invisible aluminum and you painted it wood. Yes, exactly. We've got stickers, so it's like a, it's like a woody station wagon. Yeah, it's like metal with a fake wood on the side. Yeah, you know, that's what it's gonna be. These fucking dicks, you got three, let's 3D print. I'm gonna 3D print this wood onto my spaceship.

And take it around, he's gonna pull into spaceport. You know, this fucking guy, oh great, here comes space. Space mow bee, he's actually wooden spaceship. Got the American spirits. Fucking asshole. Oh, here you go, here's your American spirit, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm, like, no, I like to recycle. So there's like an entire recycling industry.

This is the future I'm talking about. There's an industry, a cottage industry built around recycling paper because it's because of the nostalgia of recycling. Like, it's not enough that they have a pro-like a, like a matter transfigurator that'll make recycled paper, but they need to actually have it done. They need to actually see the recycling happening. Yeah, it's the analog, Purist.

This is the future. Yeah. Home recycling, we use a, this is a, we recycle our own waste on this shit. Like why? Well, because we like to keep it organic. I want the molecules getting rearranged by particle accelerators. I want to keep things, you know, when molecules stay together, they maintain their purity and their spirit. Like, okay, you know, that's the fucking future. That's, that's no joke.

That's no joke That's no voice mouse Oh my god you stupid fucking some of the bitches Did you fucking say that as a love is the opposite of Zenith? They're not even fucking like they're both just starter you dumb shit if the maybe air help like madcuck said it I didn't say her she's just fucking christ uh... he's shaking literally it's not heard so much like maybe no one even corrected you

i didn't say it oh oh my god you stupid stupid bitch yeah there he goes holy shit Joe pal DT what makes me a rages unisex names talking to my son who's going into sixth grade said hey wait tell me the names of the people he had crush on last year. He looks right at me and goes, oh, I'm a hit too.

It's lower than Lion. You'll? And I've tuckered up. That had a fucking attack. Yeah. Because yeah, I was thinking Lauren and Ryan guidance, it turns out he made girls. And I get it, you know, it's easy to be progressive until it's your kid. The fuck your truth.

Think I'm fucking died. And that's the most near rage. Did you miss next names? Because I was not prepared for that shocker. Thank God. You made girls. See you next Tuesday. Oh, that's the truth, man.

That's so funny. Yeah. I want to stop them from my attitude. Because me. Thanks. I don't want to like like shit on anyone's lifestyle, but when my nephews like turn beat red and start burying themselves when women are around,

I'm like, all right, I go, go to good, good, good, good, good, good, good. I'm proud of that, good sign. And I know it's like wrong or whatever, but it's that's the fucking truth, man. It's great to be progressive until it's like wrong or whatever, but it sets the fucking truth, man. It's great to be progressive until it's your fucking... I don't think you ever really know how you feel until it hits us close to whatever it is.

Yeah. Whatever it is. You can't think of everything. It's like it could come from the place of, you could feel bad because you're like, oh no, they're gonna deal with all this discrimination or harassment or anything like that. You could feel bad from that perspective

and you didn't really think about that. I don't know. I think yeah, it's really, that's the reality. I have absolutely no fucking idea how I would feel if it actually happened to me. Yeah. Kid came home and said, yeah, I love this dude. This guy Ryan got a huge crush on.

One of his, one of his shoes balls. Mm-hmm. One of his shoes butt feels like, tastes like. Like, fuck me and why don't, I have no, I don't know how to, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. It's like, how would you feel if you met an alien? I got no idea. Yeah.

I could sit here and say, I'd fucking watch up, sock him right in the mouth. Get outta here, you fucking wiggly arm piece of shit. Before I figure out what your butt tastes like. Yeah, I know. But I don't know. And how does that work? Are you down for that, by the way?

What up, aliens? Where'd you guys like lick an assholes? That's what the other aliens said who came through here. You guys don't have weird hangups about that on your planet, do you? You don't have a planet full of bigots, and they're like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're aggressive, I mean,

is that your custom's here? Yep, I would love that. That's how we say hello. I lay back and you lick my fucking ass. I was stupid alien fuck. I would love that the universe has get so progressive that you can get someone to do anything at any time Because you just like throw the B word around otherwise. Hey, not a big it are you just put goofy shit on your forehead

Go plan it to plan it tricking people into licking your asshole like they land you land on a planet And it's like a brown the same stage is actually like who's the president? All right. I'm an alien. What's up? You see this shit on my forehead will in my in my world we lick this we say hello right here yucker at uh... president uh... obama i'm not trump because that's not funny then and how does that unisex name work? Like does anybody thinking of the sexual ramifications of the unisex name? Like I, in what way? Like I dated a girl or I almost did, I abandoned it

because she's got the same name as my sister. And I'm like I'm not gonna, like I can't do that. I can't tell this person that they're doing a good job banging me with this name. Like I don't, I can't tell this person that they're doing a good job banging me with this name. Like, I don't, I can't cope with that, so I'm just gonna have to pass. Okay. So, like, what do you do if you're in ten years, this kid, there's a bunch of Ryan's with huge tits running around, like, what a, this is a problem for us, Tushon,

because we're gonna be at that age, where you gotta start, it doesn't matter. Where you can swing and low. You know what I'm saying? This is a big problem for us in society. These unisex names. Who are supposed to, hey Ryan, let me see, let me see that ass, right? Hey Joe.

Oh wow, let me get a good cup of your snatch, Joe. Like what the fuck? Is that's where it's, they're gonna start getting real creative with these names. They need it. They need to out-shock you. Yeah. Gonna be real weird.

Is Sean a unisex name? Gonna be a woman named Dick. Oh, no. I can't think of any Sean spelled S-E-A-N. I think they've confirmed the spelling of your name. Yeah, I think, yeah. Nobody knew before. Yeah, yeah, there was a lot of little confusion about that.

Yeah, there's no ampersands in there. Is there a chick, Sean? And now I'm thinking I could, I think it's a sh- I think it's a sh- S-H-A-U-N, possibly, maybe S-H-A-W-N could be, but yeah, I know there's female Sean. What if you were dating Sean? And you had the same name.

I know some people who I know many people that has like one is the guy name and the girl is like, has a gay tag done the guy name. Mike Cousin. Oh yeah. Yeah, you know Mike, yeah. Yeah, how does that work? They got the same name.

Yeah, they're, don't they? One at the end is the boy is spelled with a Y at the end. They have the same name. But they pronounce the same. Yeah. Exactly. And the other one is with an I. Fuck. Does that work in bed? Yeah. Yeah. Like this one. Does the dominant get the name for the night? I had a teacher or no, I didn't have a teacher. She was a kindergarten teacher. She actually was my brother's,

I think kindergarten teacher at the time. And her name was Mrs. kindergarten teacher at she actually my brothers uh... i think kindergarten teacher at the time and her name was missus mister she married a guy with the last name of caron and her first name was caron that she's care and time since the she became this is care and care and care and yeah uh... good for yeah got it all figured out

alright let's see here take some bitch just fucking right tell me what to do with my car. Uh oh. I threw out a bag of handicap cheddar fries because I was told with them and I don't want to keep them in my car because my car is clean and she comes of all what do you fucking winery for? You know we gotta keep this place clean. Like all this fucking concrete. I'm the ground isn't already winery.'s one bag of handicapped cheddar cheese fries gonna fucking do you don't get me to say thank you

I feel like Randall from the movie close and that stupid cunt walked the camp's that given a hard time I'm fucking pissed man and all these fucking people trying to burp your thing if you care about it so much I'm sure pick it up you dumb bitch fuck you I hope you listen ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So he's eating some handicap fries. It's something like you're saying handicap fries. Yeah, he is saying handicap fries.

What the fuck is that? You say, no, this is true. If you go to McDonald's and any fast food and you say you want handicap fries, they'll give it's better fries. They give you a little bit better and more fries. It's a law. The fuck do you talk about? That's the disability exact like the free fucking parking that they get that's close

to the restaurant. If you go and say, I'm handicapped, I would like a handicap prize, they're better. You get a little bit more in a special container and they have to give you fries that are right that just came out of the oven because they're fresh because that's the rule. That's the law. Just like the parking has to be a little bit. This is part of the Dipsabilities Act. If you go to a restaurant and request handicapped fries,

you're saying this like it's true. It is true. It's the law. You request handicapped fries. Sean, it's just like the parking. You get special parking if you're handicapped. You also get special fries if you're handicapped. They're a little bit better and you get a little bit more of them.

They cram more in. What the fuck are you talking about? So this guy's eating his handicap fries. Handicap fries. What else, what other handicap things are there? I don't know, you should try it out. I'm going to wherever you buy anything. I go to in and out.

I want to double double handicap style. Handicap style. What do they give you that? A little bit more meat. A little more meat. A little bit less sloppy. Okay. Because you're dealing with it. meat a little more meat? Uh-huh. Yeah a little bit less sloppy Okay, cuz you're dealing with it. I know you're gonna spit all like the parking right? Okay, it's just like the parking so this guy's eating his hand to get fries

He's done with them throws him out the window. Yeah, I love that later. What the fuck do you think all the pavement is? Yeah, that's better Yeah, that's better. That's a whole better. Yeah. Cows did that to me once. I threw a can. It's done drinking it through it in the parking lot of Ralph's. I don't know why I did that.

Because there's no trash cans around. Yeah. And I was protesting it by just throwing trash in the street. Yeah. And he went and picked it up. He didn't say anything, but I was like, don't you ever pick up my trash can? And it's, I know you didn't say anything, but it's secretly saying something. That's what, you wanna clean it up, you later,

when you leave, you come back. You come back here on your own time. Yeah, don't fucking make me, you made me pause a moment to reflect. Yeah, and I had to look what I'm making my friend do. I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like it at all what you just did. Don't do it again.

Yeah. This Chicago guy gets it. Oh. Hey, Dick, a long time listener, Don't do it again. Yeah. This Chicago guy gets it. Hey, dick. Long time, most of her actually called in before that's not important. I feel like if that's bad, I'm right outside and there's a thunderstorm going on for a shit. I just make a quick note saying during MadTuck's talk, you know, it was really interesting and weird.

I don't know. It's kind of like that's a moral person, you know. That's like some autistic Armenian, I don't know. There. There he's one of the show, bye. Hey, Dick. Mary's love a show by Hey dick This is a Maxwell with silver hammer Kimble. Um, I go to news. Yeah Fuck that

Damn it Turn turns out That the bitch fucking lives in and she is not of the pregnant. Good for you. Get away. In other news, I'm now addicted to huffing keyboard cleaner and I think I have a stroke at some point, so. I think he's having one right now. Uh, the silver and hamlet. You got any tips, huh?

I'm not gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. I think it's like Nucks from... uh... the silver and you have a tip for it is like nox from my brain feels like it's a micro-epped stop hopping at the you should go not that check up quickly as you're here at your dna is getting fried you know and if she has the if she has the uh... the tenacity the sense of purpose to fake a pregnancy to

get you, who's to say you could do better than that? Well, it's good to hear that she's not pregnant. Hey, dick. This is Michael from Santa Cruz, California. Yeah. Because I need a little dick tip. I've become overburdened with cynicism in my everyday life. And it seems to not necessarily help in the whole socializing department. No.

And a lot of the times I feel very alone and not connected with anyone, because I can't seem to see eye to eye with anyone on fucking anything, including hobbies and ideological stuff. Yeah. So, I wonder if you could use to that because you seem like you've had some pretty think-y cynical moments throughout your podcast and career. So, I want to see if you can share some light on that. Thanks.

Yeah. I really, I played one that we could go on and on about for. Yeah, I got one. No, I got one story. I don't think I've ever told this story I It was one of those moments that I it happened and it was like the funniest moment of my life And I I'm still laughing about it to this day. I saw this dude on the subway um

Reading a star reading star trip. Yeah, the subway here. Yeah, and I said for some reason I was in a Jovial mood I made some eye contact within like accidentally and I said hell is other people, right? That's the fame. That's his famous quote and like whatever you know the kind of the basis for his like entire philosophy And the guy goes, huh? And I just started laughing like a psychopath. I'm like, in time, your philosophy. And the guy goes, huh? And I just started laughing like a psychopath. I'm like, yeah.

Ha ha ha ha. Yep. Up for that one moment, I thought that I had something in common with somebody. And I wanted that connection. I yearned for it and I reached out and it was not even just a total misfire, misconnection. Like, ha ha, yep.

Because you want it. You want to have that moment and you just never fucking do. And I was like, I get it now. Can't shake it, you totally out. Hell is other people and it's you. And I'm pretty sure I just went insane. And this is all a delusion. And I murdered him and on the bus.

And I'm sitting in prison right now, but that was my That was last time I dealt with cynicism. Tell us other people, huh? Your right, oh, is the right answer And I hope that was a put on like I hope you are so smart that you just tricked me with that. Huh? Yeah. Okay, you stood, I guess. See you next. Oh, you got something to add. No, I'll see you next Tuesday. Hopefully Tim Chang will be here. It doubted though. But you take bets.

What do you think he's going to show up? He'll even respond. No, I don't think so. No, I fucked it up too much. Well, I don't like it. I played too hard. He doesn't want anything that's gonna ruffle fairly. I just don't think of us. All of his comedy, like he's- But I think on his terms probably.

I don't think he, and we'll see. Well, you know what? We will know him after this. Yeah. If he just doesn't show up, no response, I'll know exactly who he is. I mean, he's booked for a gig. So if just doesn't show up, no response, I'll know exactly who he is. Yeah. I mean, he's he's booked for a gig. So if he doesn't show up, that reflects poorly on him, right?

Yeah, he's booked. Yeah, he's booked for this gig. Yeah. Is he gonna show up? You're right. I hope so. I've been selling this wrong. I mean, how many chances can you give someone? I've been selling this totally wrong, Sean. Fuck. Oh, I blew it. You're absolutely right. Come in, Tim. Tim Chang. He'll be nice. Tim Chang is booked to be in the studio next.

I've been asking for permission. Like, I'm, ah! Rewind. Let's do it all again. Yeah. Don't have time travel. I'd see you. Thanks, guys. you