The Dick Show - Episode 54 - Dick on Graduating

Episode Date: June 13, 2017

What not to wear to court, graduation speeches are the devil, people who walk without purpose, my dad takes questions from Twitter and talks about Longmire, the Asterios vs. WarOfTheFanBoys call that launched a thousand ships, a Patreon warning email, restraining orders for civil harassment, a different audio engineer, Letters from Sean: Part 3, Cuck Hunt, Marble Madness, slow walkers getting hit by cars, the Man in Black and la Flama Blanca, a very, very drunken rant about gun rights, and maybe the worst hangover in the history of the show; all that and much more this week on The Dick Show! 

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Mixed things up is Johnny, the audio engineer. What's up buddy? How's it going Dick? Hey good. So Johnny graciously, graciously, the bit of course, was that I asked Tim Chang's, Chang's, is to fill in for Sean while he's, he said he, he's at a cuck hunt. And the American Southeast.

The Vowel. Yes, it's an old tradition from the founding fathers days where everyone dresses up and they go on a, they go on a cuck hunt. Huh. They find, they try to find a cuck and if they find them, they, they throw spaghetti all over them and slap them on his penis. Is the spaghetti coming out of the pockets? Yes.

They have, they carry around big bowls, they have their bulging pockets of spaghetti and they throw the spaghetti at the Cuck when they find them. That's what I figured. Now was that based off of the Super Nintendo game or Super Nintendo ProCunt game? Yeah. Yeah, so it was originally Cuck Hunt before the Japanese. It's an old Japanese tradition of called the Cuck Hunt. And they brought it over to America and they said, Amen. called the cuck hunt and they brought it over to America and they said, Hey, man, people aren't going to understand cuck hunt. And they're like, whoa, they just started freaking out. They're like, no, no, no, you got to, we got ducks though. Yeah.

You get hunt ducks. That's a good way. Oh, the dog that pops up, he's a cuck that got away. That's why he's laughing so hard. I was wondering. Shooting. So the Japanese version of duck hunt, Cuck Hunt, you throw spaghetti at your TV. Right. It's a silly country, Japan.

It's very silly. So we're going to find out today, like I was saying, the bit was for Tim Chang's to fill in, but still I need a good audio engineer. We all know that Tim's not an audio. Is that you're not yet? He's working on it. No, he'll never be. Oh.

He'll like to be serious. He's not in, he shouldn't be touching a computer ever. He should just be talking and somebody should be recording Tim Changs at all times. Wasn't he supposed to be here today? You know, he's, I feel kind of like an asshole about this. We can, I can talk about this first, but I emailed him and I was like, hey dude, I'm sorry for putting you on blast,

but nobody's doing, nobody was telling what was going on. So I do, that's what I learned from, you know, like literature, is that people, good, good men, what's the saying? Good men, my dad is here too. Oh yeah. Dad, do you know this saying that I'm talking about? Good men.

I know the paraphrase. Okay, what's, oh great. If not you then who? No, that's not. That's not. The phrase is good men lose because, or bad men win, because good men do nothing. And nothing and that is man that is fucking true. Yes. They never it takes a little bit to just say what's going on and people don't do it so now I

say it for them. So I'm doubly good because I'm doing what they should fucking be doing anyway which is saying what's going on. Right, hey, everybody, this fucking guy just did something. If you see something, say something, this guy's fucking lying over here. Oh, I can't betray his trust. Like it's a whole fucking country of mean girls. I can't, I could never possibly betray his trust and say what he told what just say it. It doesn't matter.

Just say it. Everybody has a right to know everything. Except for the government anyway. Tim Chang said he emailed me back and he's like, hey man, I got some family problems right now. I haven't done comedy in a long time. And I was like, oh, so all this time, I've been pitching it you on Twitter and everybody's been hammering you on Twitter.

You're like going through some crisis and he said, please don't talk about it in the show. I was like, well, I, I said, I don't know how to not, I don't know anything. I only know that, like I can't not talk about that. That's nothing. So I feel like an asshole because I'm like, well, I can't just let about that, that's nothing. So I feel like an asshole, because I'm like, well, I can't just let it die.

Right. But if you told me more, if you told me more, I could promise not to talk about that. But don't, because I have a history of not following up on those promises. No guarantees. There is. The only guarantees that I'm gonna do it.

Right. If you're, because it depends what it is, it could be the juiciest guy's ever. I might have to say it. What if someone could help? That's the thing, Johnny. What if someone could help? And I have to do it. I have to say it.

You already have too much gas to stir it up as it is. Oh, all right. We're gonna get out. So Tim Chang's not here, but he's, God, I hope he's all right. I want him to get back to doing comedy as quickly as possible, because he's the funniest man alive. I think we all do. Funny man alive.

Thank you, Johnny, for filling in. We're gonna find out if, if Zingers are a part of audio engineering or if they're a part of Sean. Probably a part of Sean, because we don't know. My dad is here, dad, you're gonna answer some parenting questions. If that's what you would like for me to do, yes. Yeah, I got parenting questions for you.

I tweeted it. I tweeted, hey, my dad's coming in for Father's Day. For an apology. So I can apologize to you. That's what you know that I believe that's what every father's day should be. Just I'm really sorry you made a bad choice in having a kid and I'm sorry for for all of it. I'm sorry for every single to for everything that I for every piece of your gadget. If for every gadget that you everything that I, for every piece of your gadget, if every gadget that you ever bought that you wanted to fuck

and I destroyed it as a kid, I'm sorry for that. Okay. I'm sorry for every conversation that ever had to have, this should be every father's day. It's just, like the mother's day is here's flowers, you give me, you just lie. You give me strength to be a better man. You're like, I'm super man and you're my yellow son. Mom, I couldn't have done it without you

and then like a shitty joke. Like I mean that literally. Yeah, so then you can tell over work friends and it's all good. Yeah, who do you sound like? Who does your voice sound like? A lot of people say Seth Rogan. And I can kind of see that.

Okay, and you're a legit audio engineer though. Yes. Who are some of the names you've recorded if you're willing to say? Well, it depends, because a lot of the work stuff I can't talk about like for my day job. Oh, that's a good start.

Yeah. People think that you're a big deal of that. You could say that you could be a homeless guy. You're like, oh, I can't talk about what I did yesterday and be like, wow, I bet this homeless guy really did. Oh, it wasn't apparent that that was a homeless guy. Hmm, damn. It's working.

That's one zinger. That's one, something about them. It's just that you guys have to listen all day. It fucks with your brain. All day. Well, then we're thinking about other things too. Oh, really? What are you thinking about right now? About this buzz. About, you know,'re thinking about other things too, but oh really what are you thinking about right now? About this buzz

About you know a lot of the things on audio audio audio things audio things always anyway What I think I think father's day should be is just a just an apology For every for everything that ever for everything that any father ever had to do He's like hey, he did. I'm not gonna get you a card or anything like that I'm not gonna get you present because he got everything, hey, he did, I'm not going to get you a card or anything like that. But I'm not going to get you a present because you got everything. But I just want to say that I just want to wait, wait, wait, what the fuck the apology? Give me something. No, no, no, no, you're not going to get anything to my, I want stuff.

That's better. What do you want? What's a good father's day present for you? I leave that up to you. I have no idea. There's so much stuff. Okay, a turntable, a vintage turntable that you can stack records on.

I've always wanted one of those. You don't have that? No, it broke. Is it like, is it? I bought it at Craigslist and you last it about two years. You bought it from Woolie's High Fie in 1978 at the Woolworths, a guy who's like, yeah, babe, I'm gonna go start my own Hi-Fi store.

This new model right here, like Don Cheetle and Boogie Nights, is it, can you hate a, you can hate a millennial for getting vintage technology, but you can't hate a baby boomer for it, because that's, it's theirs, it's their word. This is our, this is our word. We can have a turntable. You guys can't, right?

I feel for you, because a turntable is so cool. You know, it goes around. It's like, it's been around. Yeah, it's just mesmerizing. What are you hiding? What are you talking about? Why do you want a turntable? Because I have all these records,

and I want to play them someday, and I want to be able to stand on the table. Some day, so they can play in the future. You're in the future, dude. You bought me a record. Remember that record you bought me? Yeah, there's a dope record. I put a lot of thought into that.

And I didn't get, I was not as rewarding as I thought it would be to give you that record. Did you play it? No, it was really fun. It was awful. It was, it was like, Johnny, do you know as much about music as Sean? Yes.

Okay, it was, what was it, Captain Base? Captain Asmasthor? I have no idea. I've never heard of it. Captain Lapi Pants. No, I'm, it was like really experimental. You like,

For example. Yeah, I'm a Captain B part. Captain B part. That's a man. Sean's out. Sean's gone. I'm sorry Sean. You're the new fucking Sean captain B fart. Yeah, Captain B fart an apparent like I googled it Oh, yeah, I was like hey my dad likes Frank Zappa. Let me give him a little tape. Let me give him a little Sassy present right like captain B fart and apparently it's totally unlistenable two sets and apparently it's totally unlistenable. Two sets.

Did you buy Captain Intanille instead? Oh, there's Sean. Oh, yeah. There's Sean calling in on the Discord. Also radically different. I said, did you buy Captain Intanille instead? No, it was Captain B. Fart. No, I got the right record.

I should have run on it, don't listen to this because it's terrible. It's like Pink Floyd, when they first started, they would go into a shower. Get into that mic, get into that mic. They would get into a shower and they turn the shower on and then some guy would walk in there with a can and hit the can.

What the hell? That was pink Floyd. Who are you guys? That's your music, dude. I know, but it got better. So, you know, we're very hopeful. So you wanna turntable to play that shit? Well, yeah, I have other good shit.

I have some other, you know, beetles and dooby brothers and others that I can't listen to because- And beetles, man. And I want a stackable one. I don't care if the records get scratched. I just want to listen to like five in a row. So I don't have to keep going back and lifting it off. And so do it so-

Keep that in mind. Yeah, keep that in mind. Picking things up and moving them. We get that. Yeah, we get that. We all understand that. All right, let me up and moving them, we get that. Yeah, we get that. We all understand it. All right, let me tell you what I work.

I'll tell you a couple things that make me rage this week, dead. And then we're going to get to yours. Johnny, did you bring it in a rage? Quite chance. I did bring it in a rage. Oh, that's tremendous. Then we're going to get to, I got some hair. Well, for you for being prepared.

Yeah, Sean, a year of shows, he brings in one rage and it's because his girlfriend made him go to a wedding. Oh, yeah. And then I got some... I just called that one a rage. And then I got some letters from Sean. And then I got some questions from Twitter, people asking my dad parenting questions. Because he raises winners. That's why.

Because my dad's got parenting advice to make your raises winners. That's why because my dad's got parenting advice for to make your kids winners. That's what's important. He's winning contests. Here's what makes me very I get I don't want to I don't want to to let the the goss the goss embers die down of the the the news that I've been teasing for a week, right? I tweeted out last week. I tweeted out last week. I just saw Maddox and Court and we're to see him again. And the dumbass were all black to court, like in Armenian, Boba Duke.

Look, I don't know, you know, when you go to, this is just a dick tip. In case I don't wanna save this part for a week because maybe dickheads go on a court this week. Don't wear, don't look like a fucking grim reaper when you go to court. You would think that would be common sense. You'd think that anybody would just look at their closet

and go, oh, should I wear a guilty as fuck clothes or like an angel clothes? Oh, no, I'm going to dress. I should dress like a demon today. Yeah. Um, the judge will respect that. They'll they'll look at me and they'll go, wow, that guy really, he dresses to the beat of his own idiot. He's, that guy's, he's not here to impress me. Q, you win, sir. The guy dressed, the guy wearing like black jeans and a black untucked dress shirt and a purple vest, like Mr. Glass from Unbreakable. Wait, untucked, you say?

Bro, unfucking tucked, I see his ass walking down the halls of Stanley Muss, courthouse, walking at me, looking like the biggest shlob in the world. Outside in the courthouse, looking like the biggest fucking untuck baby, Huey dumb ass motherfucker wearing all black and I start laughing, I can't stop laughing. I'm with 80s girl looking at me right in the fucking eye, but all I'm thinking is you look like a fucking mortician, dude. Are you fucking serious? You're still fucking up. This badly that you woke up today to go to court.

And you said black jeans, black shirt, not gonna tuck it in, of course, because I'm not, because I'm no slave to the man. I'm leaving this. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's hypocritical to tuck in a shirt if I don't do it every day. Right. So I'm just gonna leave this shirt totally fucking untucked and wear a purple or black vest like I'm going to prom and my girlfriend picked the colors and I don't have the balls to tell her no

Because I look like a gay bob because I look like a fucking bobbadook Because I look like I'm cuz I look like the undertaker except I'm not wearing the hat What you might as well if you're already looking like this you might as well wear the fucking undertaker hat The big flat Amish hat that lets everybody within eye shot of you know that you're a goddamn weirdo. Now did any of these articles of clothing have his face embroidered on them? No, no, no, no, no.

He was really clasping me, white shirt, white shirt, khaki pants with the possibility of pissed dribblets. Classy. That's a very real thing. That's an innocent, that's an innocent man who wears that white shirt. I mean, then this is the language that I know. Right. Is what you look like and what you sound like.

If I'm trying to make a point, I rhyme it because more people will believe it. That's absolutely true. It's absolutely fucking true. If somebody's saying I disagree with, I don't shake my head because I know people will see that and think that I agree with them. Even though I'm shaking it like a baby that doesn't want any more boob, no, no, no, no, but they see it and think, well, he's moving. That means that he agrees because I know how people work

So I show up to court in a white shirt with Caggy pants Non-threatening pants these pants have never seen a day of work in their life You can almost put like a warning or like a like a Gaffed history blot on there just to let them know that like Your Honor I have a little bit of piss on my pants look your honors khaki pants. What do you expect? Don't we out well if it was a man if it was a man judge Which they shouldn't I mean come on

Johnny come on. Yeah, it's 2017. Johnny was at the biggest problem live show at YouTube. Yes, for everybody. Oh yeah, they know that. What do you think of that? Do you have a good time? I've never seen you there. I don't know why you got a real memorable face.

That's unfortunate. I just have a Jeff Goldblum. There we go. Yeah, you look better now. That's better than Jeff Goldblum. That's better than Jeff Goldblum. Oh, you sound like Seth Rogan. Not a fuck There we go. Yeah, you look better than Jeff Goldblum. Everyone's like, oh, you sound like Seth Rogan. Not a fuck Seth Rogan.

Yeah, exactly. No, the live show was good because I got to meet you and realize what a piece of shit that old show was being run like. Oh, really? Yeah, really? Why did you get that? Why did you get that impression?

It's interesting. Oh, what didn't give that impression there? Just the way everything seems restrained because it was like, oh, it's all about the time. I noticed, anybody could really be as funny as they wanted to be. It was just very like, it was like a hotdog. Yeah. It was like somebody ground up a show and then shit out a hotdog that nobody wants to eat. And then you think like, am I, can I eat this right out of the fridge? You do, I have to, do I have to just heat it up? You do, I have to cook it.

Like what's going on with hot dog? Like I got full enough from the experience. Yeah. I'll go back, but you would go back, what if you had to? If I had, if it was there. So anyway, that's what I was, I just wanted to clarify what I meant on Twitter

when I said Maddox showed up at the courthouse like an Armenian bobbadook, like a fucking wild west mortician. Daddy, have you ever been to court? Yeah. Did you get on that mic? Yeah, I've been to court a few times. Did you wear, did you dress like the undertaker?

No, I was. Did you wear a Satan outfit? To court like a red onesie with a pitchfork. Hey, Your Honor, what's up? I'm the devil. I tried to dress like the judge. You wore like a big wig and a black robe. That's smart.

That's the smartest fucking thing I've ever heard. Nobody, I've never seen anyone on Judge Judy show up in a robe with a little lace collar. Like who's gonna convict themselves of anything? Ah, that's brilliant. That's the future of fucking court. Did you bring your own gable? No.

Yeah, and hit it with them and time with them. Oh. Ah. Ah. I did bow and I scraped a little bit. That helps. You bowed? Yeah, I was working on it. like a Japanese man. Yep. Ah

You're a max everybody loves that. Yeah, Japanese. Yeah, but still people respond to bowing. I found it even a little head bow Oh really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah respect well Um, we went to court I'll tell the whole story when Sean's here next week because it's the greatest story ever told. Better than the Jesus one. Wait a minute, I was in that. The movie?

You're in the movie the greatest story ever told? Yes. Yeah, I know that. Yeah. With Max von Sido. Who the hell is that? From minority report, he was the bad guy and minority report.

Oh God, this fucking guy knows every single thing about TV and Stories that ever has been you were a I know the story. It's great story. Yeah, you were a dead kid. I played dead Yes, yeah as the as the Romans killed all of us children in the street. Yeah, it was it was really it wasn't bad But what do you mean boring? Well it wasn't bad, but very boring. Well, I got money, but the money went to my mother. So I never saw it. Typical. I didn't see a dime of it.

How much do they pay? Do you need to buy them into the shop? That's what there's a Jackie Cougan law. I'm a huge fan. You were wearing a Glowbearer's own. No, no, this is up in Lake Powell before they flooded the dam, before they closed the dam. They filmed that movie on the lake bed,

which is underneath the lake. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Man, I can't believe, after having gone to Lake Powell, I cannot believe that they let them get away with flooding and entire, like 20 million gallons. Like, what are we gonna do with it? What about all the animals?

Ah, fuck them. We need this power right now. And now I cannot see that. Now China's doing like, Oh, they're the worst guys in the world. What do you mean? We got like 20 of these fucking things. All over.

If you lived in the lake bed of Lake Powell? No, we lived above the lake bed. Okay. But that's where we went camping and on the Colorado River. Okay. But that's where we went camping on the Colorado River. Okay. And so they shot the movie there because it looks just, I guess it looks just like the Sea of Galilee area.

Oh, yeah. With the white Jesus, they really, it looks, or accuracy was real important. He was at the house. He was a good actor and he was from Sweden. Yeah. So, you know, he was pretty imposing.

Yeah. Yeah. So they hit, they hit up all the kids and say you're all the kids dead. Romans killed you. They had a screen. Do we had to go through a screening process and being Mexican? I do look and you had to lay still on the ground no matter what they did to you. I had to hug his ass. Got to be in the movie. You know, all these memories are flooding back, but I had it was a dead sheep. I had to be really shitty way to find that out that that happened. Talking to my, be messing with my dad and my comedy podcast.

Oh yeah, now you mention it. Got molested by this guy. Okay, call up Deloyer. Yeah, that they had all, your mom was in charge of getting all the kids wrangling all the kids for that movie, right? Well, she was kind of a babysitter, but then she got some prime roles. She was like a far off stunt double for the Virgin Mary.

It's come what stunts the Virgin Mary. You know what I mean? Jumping over a camel, like sliding across the hood of a camel. Well, the bag of blood, Joseph, Poncho's piloted off a donkey. What's on?, Joseph. Pong just spiling it up. What's on? Yeah, what is on the donkey?

Getting on on off a donkey. Yeah, that was it. That was it. She had to ride across. So your mom got on and she was like, yeah, how did the actress get up there? Well, the actress was spray and nimble, but this is a far off shot,

so they didn't need her face. That's okay. This is like, she was silhouetted as she was fleeing something. Galilee. Galilee. I don't know. That's the only Bible word I know.

Tannis, the lost city of Tannis. Sala. Sala. Indiana Jones. Oh, that's what happened. So anyway, the reason she got the gig was that she traded recipes with a makeup lady and they said, oh, you're perfect for the part.

Real house of cards manipulated. Yes. That's right. The greatest story ever told. I liked the, actually the name of it really struck. That the actors gave it. It was called the greatest fairy tale ever sold. Oh boy.

Yeah. And I was like, wow, they put, they put, they put, they put, they put, that was, that was what they called it. And I thought, wow, what does that mean? That was before you guys had the daily show, cracking jokes like that. My favorite part about this story is that my dad

was got bored of being on the set for the greatest story ever told because it's just playing dead. He's like, oh, I thought I'd be, I don't know, what did you probably thought you'd be like a little gladiator when a soul child kids think that's how adults think. Yeah. Yeah, I'll get me, they're gonna, there's a chance they might call me down on the ice to play in this hockey game.

I better really, I better not get too drunk. Like it's always there in the back of our minds, even though it's never ever happened before and never would have like, yeah, that's so your kid. Like, yeah, I'm gonna go be in this movie and play. It says playing a dead kid, but you know, they might need me to like be Jesus' new son. That glimmer of hope.

Yeah, and they're gonna say, hey you, you look great laying dead. Why don't you hop up and grab this sword and say like and be Jesus junior for the afternoon I better bring my baseball glove at Dodger Stadium. Yeah, yeah, that's another good so my dad gets bored and Says fucking I'm done. I went up to the director who who was a famous guy. He directed Shane, classic cowboy. His name was George, something. Stevenson.

Steven's or Stevenson. Anyway, he was in the chair when one of those chairs that directors right up and down on with the camera. And he came down, I saw him, I said, I'm getting out of here. So I went up to him and I said, I wanna go home.

So he turns to some guy. I was like nine. Okay. So he turns to some guy. I was like, nine. Okay. So he turns to some flunky and he says, this boy wants to go home. Get him out of here. So. And I thought he was being friendly.

But anyway, we got a bus that I was the only one. He gets his own bus. I got my own bus. I got his own bus back to town and his mom, my grandma was in charge of the kids, keeping him together and she's driving in with all these kids to do the next scene and she sees one bus going in the opposite direction with her son on it.

She's like, what the fuck is, what the hell's going on here? I'm in charge of wrangling the kids. There goes my kid. All right, anyway. That was my movie career. So back to court, mental Jess now has a restraining order against her because she's fucking guilty of harassment. I'm going to talk all about it next week, but that's the outcome. Fucking guilty. A judge

But that's the outcome. Fucking guilty. A judge looked at the evidence and said, Yeah, based on the law, based on all this evidence that I'm seeing, based on your, your, I'm taking into what, taking into account everything you're saying, your side of it,

this is how court works, you're fucking guilty. You did this and now the law says that you can't do it again, cause you fucked up. I'm gonna get into the whole thing you understand next week when Sean is back, but that's the outcome is that this fucking psycho has a restraint which she should, which she absolutely should,

cause she's fucking guilty of a crime, of harassment, because you can't fuck with people like that in a civilized world. And when you take something like that, so Patreon, sends me an email a couple of days ago. I don't think I didn't think I told anybody about this. Patreon sends me an email and they say,

hey, look, we get a lot of complaints about your show and so far we've said that it's so far we've looked at it and it seems like it's you and Maddox equally. But now it seems like, now it seems like the bullying is coming mostly from your side. We're not taking any action, but just wanted to let you know.

Like, so this is a warning. Well, okay, assholes, this is a fucking crime. So where does that on the big scale of who's fucking up, of how much cyber making fun of that someone is having happened to them on the internet? Where does a fucking crime weigh in on this? Show me the internet. Where does a fucking crime way in on this? Show me the scale. Show me the scale and put this big lead brick called a protective order granted by a judge.

Not something that you can just go fill out a document and then it's there. It's somebody, it's a shitload of people wasting their time, wasting all of our tax dollars to say, Hey, dummy, stop doing this. Legally stop fucking doing this. Legally stop doing this. And if we have to do it, we have to have this big court with all the marble and all the lawyers and all the cops, because if we didn't, they would fucking kill you for this. That's the whole point of the law.

That's why we have it. Cause they said, hey, I'm very, I'm very much aggrieved over here. I got, hey, everybody, I'm getting real fucking tired of getting harassed. What am I supposed to do? Cause I know what the easy fix is, but society got together and said, you know what? We're gonna get a job, we're gonna build a courthouse, we're gonna put all this money into building all this shit because this one fucking person can't behave.

Grimmitally. It only takes one. It always, and it's the same thing, all they never learn. They never fucking learn. I just like that it was all into the pretence of like, oh, we just want to be left alone. But yeah, yeah. But we also want to try to get you fired.

Right. We also want to find whoever you care about and ruin their fucking life for no reason. Yeah, but you know, I just want to be left alone. And then I want to be left alone. Yeah, then I want to walk away. Then I want to rage quit this game. Fucking, so I'm going to tell it's the greatest,

it is the greatest story ever told. You're the Jesus thing is stupid. This story is the greatest story ever told. You're the Jesus thing is stupid. This story is the greatest story ever told because it has maybe the biggest hero, maybe the biggest hero I've ever met coming out of the fog. There's no dead kids. What?

And no dead kids. And no dead kids. Yeah, it's got no dead kids. We'll talk, Sean, we'll talk about it when you get back. Okay, good. How's that for a tease? Oh my fucking God. It's good. All black. Sean, have'll talk about it when you get back. Okay, good. How's that for a T? So am I fucking God. It's good.

All black. Sean, have you ever been to court? Yes. What'd you wear? Um, do you wear like a turban and an Osama bin Laden outfit? I did. I did with a, yeah, I heart bin Laden. Yeah.

I have a pen. Can you believe that? A vest with like a paisley stitching pat like a like a prom vest. That's what matters. Where black pants, black shoes, like the like the man in black, like a gun, like a fat, like a doughy gunslinger, waddling into court with his duck ass. Like Johnny Cash was bred with a Mexican waiter who is also and and was mentally challenged. Yes Exactly like that That's that page and that page round eating me. I'll really piss me off. It's like oh well

We're looking at both sides and I'm thinking what's Bullying How I can't get you to show them like I did and then I said I expect a fucking apology Yeah, I said here's here's a court documents. How about can't you just show them like court documents? I did and then I said, I expect a fucking apology. I said, here's a court documents and by the way, I'm, call me immediately or if you need to review this, but I'm expecting a fucking apology for this. I mean, you know how I am, Sean, I don't stop until I go, I'll go, it's far, I can get, I'll get a senior vice president on the line to get my fucking apology because I didn't do anything illegal and, I'm coming in any crimes

It's just making fun of a 40 fucking year old dead. Do you remember being 40 years old barely? Where guys would do you getting did you ever get pissed at a man making fun of you at 40 years old? No, cuz I usually did the fun making of Oh, yeah, I'd never would be made fun of. Yeah, that's it. No reason for paternity test people. This is just what... It's the parenting, the parental role that companies are taking these days makes me really

fucking angry. This, the cars that ding when you're not wearing your seat belt, the apps, the driving apps that say, oh, are you a passenger or not? No, of course I'm driving. I'm almost crash trying to say I'm not a passenger. Yeah. Just give me, leave me the fuck alone. Are you, do you forget who the customer is here?

It's me. If I say that I'm driving, you should go, you know what, of course you should be. Like the app should not be. Don't give me more steps. Yeah. Don't tell me. Don't, don't. All of them, all, all every company ever.

Stop parenting me. I had great parents. You're not them. You're nothing. You are nothing. You're absolutely, you're a stock price. You're absolutely fucking nothing to me Don't tell me what to do. Just make it easier for me to do What I want to do on your system that I will abandon the second a better version comes along

Stop fucking telling me what to do All right, I'll tell you what makes me rage this week. They sort of ward you damage is based on his Patreon. Oh, yeah, give me 300 bucks. Yeah, it's the principle. Yeah. Anyway, now that the the court case is over. And also, it's funny. Yeah, billboards going up. We're going to have a lot of fun now. We'll talk about it next week. It's really, really, really a phenomenal story. What makes me a racist week? Graduation speeches. Dad, I'm sorry for all the graduations you had to go to. I really didn't because this whole new thing with graduating from four to five to six to seven year olds

is new. We didn't have that. Precindergarten graduation? No, you made a head too. No three, I recall. Yeah. Yeah. But this whole thing with pre-T, pre-K, pre-kindergarten, first grade, second grade, middle school, you're talking eight, nine graduations.

That's... Oh my God. You're going to see a huge rash of suicides. Oh man. And parents immediately following graduation because they are the dumbest, mind numbing speeches. It's Martin Luther King couldn't give a good graduation speech

because it's completely mindless and soulless. It's the same speech that you see at every goddamn graduation. I get the hearing the name part. I get that you want to hear your kid's name. You want to see him walk across and then you scream and try to fuck with them. And then people look at you all weird and you're like, what? What are we ruining the dignity of this event for you? Like, it's high school.

It's kindergarten. It's elementary school. You know what the worst part about the high school graduation is when some smug little 17 or 18 year old is trying to give everybody life advice that they've lived for 50 years. Yeah. Like don't tell me what the fuck you're doing. Webster's dictionary defines life advice. Bitch, what are you? You're fucking snapchatting sending a guy you're fucking tits and what do you tell him me what to do you don't know anything you don't know anything about business or how to get a job or any of that you don't know anything about anything either you had a terrible life up until now

or just one where you didn't really have to do anything what the hell are you talking about that's the speeches that are the worst part, because I'll go to watch people's names getting read. Yep, yep, yep, here's mine. Yeah, our Doyle rules, fuck yeah. Then okay, we gotta sit here for the rest of it. We went to the, I went to my nephews, hi Lacey, I went to my nephews graduation from TK,

whatever the fuck that is. I don't know what it was. Some kind of fucking kindergarten. Provisional, is it was provisional TK or whatever the fuck that is. This was some kind of fucking kindergarten. Provisional, is it was provisional TK or something like that? Provisional technical kindergarten. Everybody was little. TKO, technical kindergarten.

I don't know. Out. And I was fine with just watching the names being read, even though Lil Irishman was at the very end somehow. Alphabet doesn't apply to these kids. I get very fucking in, okay. Gotta listen to them. All right, kids are gonna sing a song.

All right, this is gonna be funny. All the little kids doing thing. But the fucking, the speech is, the guy the head of the school gets up and gives a speech. And it's like, motherfucker, these are kindergarten. What the hell are you doing? What are you, is this an ad? Am I watching a fucking ad for this preschool skip,

skip, skip, skip, like, what the fuck are you, at least let the kids give a speech. I'd rather hear about Lego Batman than whatever shit you, like, I know exactly who you are. I know who you fucking are. I know your background. Like, I know, at this point in life, I know who the fuck you are. Don know who you fucking are. I know your background. Like, I know at this point in life, I know who the fuck you are.

Don't tell me about anything. Yeah. You got nothing to offer. You're here because I pray to fuck. The only thing I'm thinking why I see administration of teachers is you better fucking not be molesting a single kid. And that's it.

And I wanna hear anything else out of you. Cause I kinda fucking, cause it doesn't hurt me to think that you are Nope, there's one of them is and I think you mother fucker. I'm looking for every single part of it Let me let me let me get a good look at your face smile smile little boys little boys naked, okay What do you think about that? Almost just as bad to not be laughing too hard at that. Yeah, then they just like the Jackson Shop at K-Mart. I don't know either.

Well, then they get to say, oh, well, you see, I gave these kindergarteners this speech, you know, eons ago that they don't even remember, but see because I gave them that now that they're all these great successful people because of some shit I did that they weren't even in the room. No, they were in the back getting ready for trying not to piss in their pants. Yeah. And he's given this speech to a bunch of other adults and thinking, what the fuck? Why is this happening?

Why isn't anybody, why am I not interrupting this guy? Yeah. Because he's got to get through it. I guess he's got to talk about life. It's like, motherfucker, you are 26 years old. What do you, what do you know about anything that you're talking about? Absolutely goddamn nothing. No. Every single speech is exactly the same. It's not, it's like, priests, priests jokes. They should bring in a fucking priest to give the speech. Just give me

something. Bring in a guy to talk about the flat earth. Hey everybody, happy graduation. Just wanna talk to you about why the earth is flat. Mom, I'm listening to this. Okay. What? Because every other thing is like, just a lie. We're all gonna go out there and we're gonna apply ours. Cause like, no, no, happy, you're all gonna be unemployed. You're all gonna make the worst decisions ever

because that's all life is just no one bad decision after another. How are you gonna fucking end up pregnant? None of you are gonna save. That's my graduation. Hey class of 2017. Stop using your fucking credit card. Stop. Just stop.

Don't buy a Tesla. Everybody together. Stop paying taxes. Let's all stop paying it. They can't. They can't arrest us all. They can't, they can't arrest us all. They can't arrest every single fucking one of us. That's a graduation I'd go to.

That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to.

That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. That's a graduation I'd go to. They should just read, they should just get up there and read like a scene, the hell, hey, everybody happy graduating 2017. Here is a scene from the movie Spies Like Us.

And then they've read it and everybody's like, that was pretty funny movie. Yeah, okay, next. Let's get to the, because they gotta do something. They gotta do something, just the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it's like, you know what, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know,

it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like,

it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like now things are taking, you know, you're adding one or two seconds to every kid's name, but there's 800 kids.

Now it's taking like a half hour longer just to get through kid's names like they're trying. Yeah. Hi, and next. Yeah. Oh, I'm coming down the street. Come on, bubbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb And he's been off the stage for two seconds at that point already And then they're playing catch up with all these fucking kids names kids can't even get off the stage fast. It's just It's a mess. It's midnight before I get to even clap that we get to go home You into your sister's graduation recently. It's a shit show. It's a shit show. Oh, it's the speeches

I don't mind the graduation, but the fucking speeches are all wide. I had to go to this already. Why do you have to rub this shit in my face? I don't believe you. Where's the other side of this? Where is the cynical side of schools grade and everybody's gonna be a big success We're all gonna change the fucking world and the guy goes up on the other side Hey, guess what one of these fucking kids is gonna contribute to society and the rest are gonna mocha I'm like, okay, all right. I want it. Let's hear the other guys point now Yeah, and no one ever says oh by the way three of you are gonna be dead 30% of these kids are gonna have chlamydia. Yeah All right, that guy's making a lot of good points. Let's see your fucking ass. Let's see you Bible man

Wait your man's a fucking perthage. Why it's church. Yeah, I got tricked into going to church on that positive shit The fucking racket You know what they did it the kids at the little main Irishman's graduation. Oh, no. Every kid got an award for an like, this kid's the most kind of word, the kind of award, but every kid got one. Oh, every kid got one. So was it you went this guy? Oh, Amelia Buttercups, you win the kindness award. Oh, Tommy Tutone, you win the Patience Award. It's like you gotta be fucking kidding me.

Everybody got an award. Everybody got an award, and like, they don't give a shit. Well, it's just, they're just pulling words out. Most punctual, somebody got a, I shit, you're not some poor kid, some. Somebody got a, I shit you nod, some poor kid. Some little bastard got a, what did he get a, like a... Pseuality award?

No, do you do, yes, there was, there was some kid. Oh, look at your partner. I think what you do in conference calling Wall Street. Yeah, it's baby. I think I'm gonna be a little five minutes late to recess. Sorry. One kid got a, an obedience award.

Oh, wow, okay, there's a future fucking Nazi right there. You know that last week there was a teacher fired because she was doing the same thing with awards. And one of the kids, she gave them a, well, she thought was a funny award. It was a huge cock award. No, I was, I don't want that. A future terrorist award.

What? Jesus. I swear, she thought it was funny. You know, I think it was in Texas. Yeah. I was in funny. What was the premise of the joke? It might be funny.

Well, other than creative and obedient, she came to me. But was he like a, was he a terrorist? No, no, no, she, no. The little girl was a little girl. Oh. So there was a comedy in there somewhere. Oh, a little girl. A little girl. For whose side was she a terrorist for did she say didn't say didn't say it had been an American

Terrorist. Yeah, right. She could be throwing tee off the ships. What up mother bugger nice fucking tea. You got here shame if anything would happen to it The teacher got fired. I know that Now she's so that that part's not even fun hell. All right, Johnny, what makes you rage, buddy? People who fucking walk without purpose, I don't I couldn't come up with a cute title for it, but walking around and everybody has to be cute to. But walking around in Hollywood, I'm sure you remember it. Yeah, you know, you get people who just kind of like to do yeah Just kind of walk in the middle of the street, but I'm a tall guy. I have a huge leg span

So I can get across the city block a couple of minutes. No big couple of seconds Appartment yeah times I overshot my apartment by a block and a half is walking at ludicrous speed Yeah, just not only the sound engineer exactly A couple of seconds, I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap.

I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap.

I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the Shrap. I love the no harm. No. I've had no threats at all. Yeah. And see, you would have to look at me and, well, you'd have to like, no, at least, you'd know me for more than a second.

But when I'm walking down the street with a pissed off look on my face, because I need to go pick up some food, I'm hauling ass down the street. Now women, the terminator too. Even, yeah, even homeless people are like, what the fuck is this guy's problem? Because I'm just, I gotta go somewhere. I, yeah, I gotta go somewhere. Yeah, I'm going. And so my problem is, is when people are just kind of like,

oh, hey, look at this parking meter. No shit. And it's like, hey, you're in my way, asshole. So you're either getting bold down or then, or we're going to have to have some weird confrontation or like where they kind of step to the side, cause they know I'm coming, but don't want to acknowledge that. You know what? It's the guys who walk down the middle of a store slowly. like where they kind of step to the side because they know I'm coming, but don't want to acknowledge that. You know what? It's the guys who walk down the middle of a store slowly and you can't squeeze by and they're either side.

They're fucking wife with them on the, and they're just taking up the maximum amount of space possible. And they start to weave and do all that. And then I'll fucking serpentine. So you can't pass when I just want to get, I want to, one of these days, probably soon, because I say that I'm going to do it now, so I'll probably do it just for the hell of it.

Yeah. I'm going to just get right in there, as they're walking behind them and not bothering, because they can see them there and just go, hey, get the fuck out of the way. I'm about to start doing that, because when people start doing the weave thing, out of the way. I have to, like, I'm driving a fucking battleship. when people start doing the weeping, I'm out of the way.

I have to, like, I'm driving a fucking battleship. I have to spot it down the block and be like, okay, this guy's weeping like this, if I walk, if I stand over in this part, and then just kind of angle it over, maybe then I'll miss him. But then the guys that are walking with a beat, do with their heads all tip back, like, that keep on trucking sure.

None of that. Oh, yeah, man, I got all fucking day to walk across this parking lot. Nobody should be in peace like that's fucking happy. You always have to be miserable. Just keep to your goddamn self. Just keep it moving. Don't, don't stand in the middle. I know that there's the middle of a sidewalk,

but it's not the people. Dude, I, it's not the people. I don't know if this is a good story, but I almost saw a guy get creamed at a crosswalk. And I was, I had my fingers crossed. I was like putting on 3D glasses with popcorn out to see this fucking guy get hammered. So I was at a parking light.

I was at a stop light, excuse me. And it was, is a six lane road. So there's three lanes going that way, three lanes going the other way, right? Big but not so big, long light, plenty of time, plenty of time, ample time. So me, I'm in the very middle of the three lanes going one way.

And there's a stop to stop. And there's a guy right next to me, also stopped at my left. So you understand that the middlemost lane and my lane are stopped and the lane on my right is empty. And this fucking guy starts cruising across the crosswalk at like three seconds left and like, okay, Jackass, yeah, like hustle it up, but he's really,

he's really feeling the groove. He's really in the deep, deep back, the bottom of the pocket going, da da da da da, he's doing like shuffle step, like Paula Abdul, two steps forward, one step back and I'm like, this fucking asshole, so I'm sitting there, but I see my savior on the right, this guy's like, he's not even in the middle yet.

And it's already, it's already going green. He's not even in the middle of the street yet. I'm like, oh, I guess I'm here. I might miss this goddamn light because it's idiot can't cross the street. Yeah, what the fuck? The lane to my right. I look in the rear view mirror and I see headlights

crest the hell and I'm timing it in my head. The way this jackass is walking. Dip that, dip that, back forward, back forward, up, do a little spin. I look in the rear view mirror and I see lights cresting the hill and I think, wait a minute, I know this street very well. I know about how fast that guy's going. I know about how fast this guy's going. Gentlemen, in my head, all of my war room with the gentleman

sitting around saying, gentlemen, there's a good chance that we might see this guy get decapitated and completely run over. I know that feeling. And the one, the cuck in my head goes, we should honk and tell him, and the other, the people who are in charge in my brain said, somebody get this guy out of here.

So he was killed, he put a bag over that guy's head and he was dragged out of my brain forever. And I remember, and after that, when I had the thought to honk and then I chose not to, I was like, okay, so we're in for murder now. No problem. I watched, like, might as well enjoy it, because this fucking idiot's case

is not gonna cross any streets like this again, and whether he learns or less lesson or he's dead, I'm watching him right look, go right in front of me and he gives me this sassy look and I was like, yeah. Cool man, yep, looking at my rear view, not trying to move it all because I don't want him to think that anything's going on. He gets, he gets to my front right bumper

and I was driving a truck. So you could not, so the person barreling down the road couldn't see shit. They just see green. These dummies are stopped. Florida, 60 miles an hour down, down, see it. What is this? What is this?

Solar Dad. Solar Dad up in Valencia. Oh, shit. And so I think, oh my God, that's going to be your last thought dude is the guy a guy who the guy not reacting That's it that's the end I was like, yeah, yeah cool keep dancing to that dude He gets to my front right bumper and this car So I think it was a Silverado goes passes me going about a million miles an hour and misses him by a Fucking inch his jacket flies open and he just stares like about a million miles an hour and misses him by a fucking inch.

His jacket flies open and he just stares like freezes. Like, like, he was almost, like, he was almost just, Mark killed. Like, he freezes and goes, whoo, whoo, you can see him go like, whoo. So then I just, I was so pissed off, I lay on the fucking horn. I think about jumped out of his dick, he was so pissed off, I lay on the fucking horn. I think about jumped out of his dick. He was so surprised. I actually jumped and ran across the last lane.

He was like, oh man, I was still pissed. But I think that's, that's exactly what the problem is. Cause then they either have that reaction or then they look at you like an asshole. Like, what the fuck is this guy's deal? He's walking so fat like he's got so much purpose and where he's going, like fuck him. And it's like, no, I'm not trying to get an argument

to the people on the street. I'm just like, hey, watch out, because I'm, I'm walking. Because I'm walking here. I got shit to go. I'm walking over here. Yeah. There ought to be a grab that you're allowed to do.

Like, you know, in wrestling, you can open hand slap. There ought to be a grab that you can do on people to get them out of the way like a face palm. And it's like, well, that guy assaulted me. Well, did he do the slow walking face palm? Yeah. Okay, that's, so you can do that. It's like, you're allowed to do that.

Was he carrying food in one hand? Oh, yeah, then that's fine. Yeah. Okay, so that's a good range. Can I give you a recommendation? Because I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm absolutely. Okay, yeah. In the bike world, there's a thing range. Can I give you a recommendation? Because I know exactly what you're talking about. I write bikes. Okay.

In the bike world, there's a thing called on your left. And I use it walking and I get crap for it because I'm really not on a bike. I'm walking kind of like you. But if you're going at that speed, you might as well use it because you could injure people by mowing them down. Oh yeah. You're doing them a favor by having them say on your left. On your left.

Like that real deep voice, you know. And then right away, you don't matter what size. I pretend like I'm on your left. You know, like you're a truck driver on your left. So no matter who it is. Let me do a real silly voice. Like on your left. I'm going out.

Get away from me. Oh my god, the mad hat are almost in the air. The mad hat. On your left, sir. Oh, do I mean right? It's the left of way. Yeah. It's quite unleft. We should do an all mad hat or show. That's a good advice, Dad. Thank you. That's why I'm here. Yeah, great it goes. Yeah. All right. On your left. On your left. What makes you rage, Dad? Oh, I wrestled with that. I guess I have a lot of rages, you know.

Yeah. But I thought I'd find Long Myer, not enough people knowing that Long Myer exists as a TV show. He got canceled and he was all the way to Netflix. Yeah. He got canceled. What did I do that? It was great. Yeah. It's like that one with Tim Allen, you know, Tim Allen. They kicked him off. He was my favorite show. Yeah. And it wasn't and nothing to

do with politics is just funny. Oh, you mean you like funny. Yeah, because it was funny. Yeah, yeah, the politics. I didn't see where there was politics involved because it was comedy. Yeah, comedy always by comedy. What is your favorite show is right now? Well, I'm really torn because I was really into House of Cards and then, and they screwed that up. So I'm into like the third episode, well, the third episode is election night. First, second, third and fourth are episodes

over less than 10 hour period. Oh yeah. So you're just being bored to death. But anyway, I do like better call Saul, because that's now is good. Now it's getting close to the breaking bad portion. So it's gotten better. Okay.

I don't like this show. I thought it was boring. Well, yeah, because it was boring, but now it's gotten better because now the Mexicans are involved. And we have someone you can bring this spice, man. Um, oh, man, it's spicy now. Um, you know, I've watched, I'm starting, I'm trying to see what it is you all see in your internet television programming. What the hell is that supposed to mean? You know, this prime Amazon and Netflix. It's a different network.

We just don't pay for cable. We watch those shows. Cable's still good. We have the Dodgers. And we have, well, we have a recorder that allows me to watch shows that you probably wouldn't watch. Like, murder, she wrote, murder, well, yeah, new time. But I watch modern family religiously.

Okay. Yeah. I like comedy. Anything funny, I try to watch Kevin, which is named the big UPS driver. Now he has his own show now. That's funny, because they kicked off his wife because she wasn't funny enough.

They brought back his old wife from the old show. Oh really? Yeah, all of a sudden she's a detective and they booted his wife because she was 20 years younger and not as funny. Yeah, so they brought Remini back. She's really topical because of her intelligence. Exactly.

So what makes you a rage? You know, I, who else is speaking of Scientology? I really, religions, yeah, religion. Yeah. All religion. All religion. Yeah. East to West, West East.

Yeah, it's pretty big. Yeah. And I try to find comedy in it because you said, you know, this is funny. A funny show. So, looking at, there said, you know, this is funny, a funny show. So, looking at, there's, you know, if you look at just the, what they wear, on all these religions, come on,

they start the east, the guys wear like these pinkish, smelly outfits and they shave their heads, and then you go, do you talk about monks? Yeah, to bet. Yeah, like, I think smelly, if you talking about monks? Yeah, like to bet. Yeah, like I think smell like a pretty sadness. Have you ever sat next to those guys on a plane for four hours? Yeah, they think, man, what is that?

And they scam you. They give you that book and once it's in your hand, then they start hitting you up for money. Oh, yeah. My roommate became a Harry Krishna. Your roommate in college. And, wow, it's like a madman episode. It was wild.

To how the hell did people know to make fun of that? Like without the internet and memes, your guy just, you come home and he's like, hey, what's up? I'm a hair Krishna right now. I'm right about here. Yeah. How you do? You sit me out.

You try to relate. You try to be positive and hope he comes out of it. Yeah, me too. With something. Yeah. But anyway, that religion, it has touched everyone's life. And sometimes it's good because religion, as I understand, is right in the brain, exists right next to the areas of pleasure.

So you can get a little crossover tickle from religion. Really? Yeah, well, look at my family That's that led to a lot of lawsuits. I'll have you know tickling your crossover tickling from religion religion tickling your pleasure centers Led to a lot of lawsuits. This is what Sean saying okay, okay Nice thing so anyway as you come to the West and you run into Islam. Come on, man, those beers look like shit. Everybody is everybody. Everybody. Yeah. Everybody. Yeah, Sean, look, you can't go to court wearing all black. So if you have a religion and it's

based on having a big shitty beard and a stupid outfit you are an asshole. Like if your beliefs are dependent on your stupid hats and beards and clothing, then you are a joke. Yep. No matter what you're saying, forgiveness and this and that. Okay. And how's this happening? Well, we're all going to put on these gay outfits.

We're all going to put on togas and stupid hats. Okay, that's, well, now I know that you are idiots. Is that what you're saying, Dad? So anyway, you're just moving around the world still. So Islam, and then you have Judaism with those funky hats and the curls on this side. Doesn't anybody own a fucking mirror? Yeah.

Look, it looks like shit, man. You don't look like Beyonce at all. Okay, now we... As she was even get laid with those curls. I don't know, man. What you talking about, man. They don't have Wolverine chops going. They have big squiggly curls coming down

from the side of their head. It looks stupid. So keep moving, West. And then you run into Roman Catholicism and Christianity. Oh, come on. That's in the news. Man, those guys wear those robes for a reason. Why? They're hiding something.

Bowers. Oh, yes. Exactly. I didn't want to say that on live, whatever this is. But you said shit and fuck. So all Mexicans are Catholic. So it's really hard for me to talk about. We're about Mormons.

They were under, I work in Mexico. I'm working my way west. That's what I'm telling you. Yeah, I started, you know, East. So, you know, look at the new president of France is a socialist Catholic. So he's eating a chick that's like 20 years older than him. Was it on trust that already?

It's nuts. This is my wife. She's old enough to be my mom. I'd like to never hear anything you've got to say on anything. In case it might infect me and I might one day accidentally be, I might one day be in a position similar to you. So just take your mouth and point it that way before I knock it in. Right? Isn't anybody like you wouldn't let some weirdo give you their, here's my, hey, me, my wife. That's your wife. I thought that was your fucking grandma, dude.

Get the fuck away from me. Exactly. Yeah. So that even going a little bit further west to England, I mean, they caused so much shit over the years. People had to leave the country because of religious beliefs. I mean, so pilgrims, your time. Pilgrims and all those guys. Yeah, the Hugo Nats. I mean, it was always some kind of religious

thing. So did you grow up in a religious house? Yes, I know. That's why you didn't. Yeah. Like the blues brother is religious. Shit. How many times did you get smacked in the name of God? That's why you didn't. Yes. Like the loose brother is really shit. Fuck, wha, wha, wha. How many times did you get smacked in the name of God? Oh man, my knuckles bled one time. Cause she, I had sister, we called her sister Mary Elephant

because she was bigger than shit. And she was like loom over you, like a, like a vulture and a black outfit. Like Maddox going to court. Yes, when you said exactly. Ha, ha, ha. And she, I was a talkative child. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. Can you imagine seeing something like a religious person if I saw a religious person even slap a kid? I would just go all right It's this is the day I get in the news for killing a priest and I'm right and I'm gonna be in the right I guarantee no jury on earth what can make me forbid his priest a debt Well, that's a modern day different time different time different place back then it was all about discipline and So moving further because eventually we're going to end up in Scientology. But you think so? I think they're on the way out. No, no,

no. I mean as far as these crazy things they wear, they do. But you take it off on a journey. You're taking it all the way around the world. No, I don't. I didn't plan it out all he's a what the fuck so Growing up in say that growing growing growing up in Amish country in Pennsylvania That's the next level of what the hell is going on here. We're really weird no electricity The only thing they they that I saw that they could do that was pretty modern was have sex. Oh Yeah, that's all they did that was modern to me. Everything else was in a horse and bug. Oh, yeah. I'm not sure that that's modern.

I was going to. Yeah, dad. Has the real bags of sand come in? I don't know what a bag is. Do they have sex in a modern way? No, no, it's still pretty, pretty archaic, but for them it was modern. You know, because before they really

weren't having sex until they got married. Now they're doing it before marriage. They found that. Oh, they are. Yeah. Oh, not that they could. Is that what they're soaking? Where they just get in, they get in the girl and then they just sit there. They can't move. I said something serious. That's a real thing that they do. Well, I don't want to make this awkward with my dad, but the man gets an erection with his penis and then enters the woman's vagina and then doesn't move.

He doesn't need just sit there. What do you call that's crazy? It's called soaking. It's the rage. It's all the rage among the Amish communities. So moving to the Midwest, you... You're gonna try that. Oh, by the way, I found out my mom told me So moving moving to the Midwest you try that Oh

By the way, I found out my mom told me why she walked in on me and 80s girl Taking a small break from what we were doing. She got lost. She was looking for her room is her story Allegedly Yeah, well, yeah, she has her that's her story I was like well, that doesn't make any fucking sense to me because we were at the top room of the house and you were at two levels below where there's not a loft and there's totally different, it's different stairs and totally different everything and why were you going to your room anyway?

All these, doesn't add up, doesn't add up at all, but that was her story. I'm gonna call that lawyer back up. Yeah, I'm gonna sue your honor. I need a restraining order for my mom walking in on my dick getting sucked. Let the record show please. Judge Judy, I need to sue my mom for one. Hummer is the damage to me to completion your honor, your honor.

And then the judge would say, you're honor and I'd say, yeah, I get it, I'm out. Okay, so what happened? So, in the Midwest, because I know I grew up everywhere. So, in the Midwest, it was the melting pot. Every religion was there. Fighting it out, just getting it out for follow-up.

No, they were getting along, you know. Yeah, nobody seemed to care what you do. Oh, none of them were Islam, I see. Right, well, they did, yeah, because remember Louis Faracans in Chicago. I don't know who that guy is. I just know that he's black. Louis Faracans, they did. Yeah, because remember Louis Faracans in Chicago. I don't know who that guy is. I just know that he's black. Louis Faracans great, man. He's like the ultimate inciter of whatever. Well, what? Well, first of all, think about what he wears. Okay. He can't wear what they wear back in

the other parts of Islam. So he has his own outfit. It's a really, really tight suit with a bow tie. Okay. White shirt with a bow tie. All his followers wear that. Wait, did he see the nation of Islam? Yes. They think white people are literally devils made by a black scientist.

We learned that last week. What's wrong with that? That's just a belief. I guess. Everybody has beliefs. Okay. So, you got, you know, that's what I mean. It's a melting pot in the Midwest. I guess everybody has beliefs. Yeah, okay. So, you got, you know, that's what I mean.

It's a melting pot in the Midwest. And then now we get a little crazy, because we get to Utah and on our voyage. I mean, can you, if you've seen the clothes they wear, like in those polyamory places or polygamy places, you mean like the Orgy Dome, a burning pan? Yeah, exactly. So, you know, the

garb is indicative of how crazy the religion is. Oh, I see. You know, so you look at Scientology, that religion. I don't even know what the more men's though, more men's eat well, they wear the older clothes from now. Do they wear magical underpants? They have, they have like a onesie, like a guy going to the beach in the 30s. Oh, right. They wear that under their clothes all the time and they think that it protects them from evil. And what's wrong with that? Evil is in the mind.

That's what I'm not, I'm not going to make fun of their traditions. Just their clothes, their clothes suck all the way around the world. Okay. So Scientology, as I understand it, they wear like beanies with propellers on their heads. No. Oh, they don't. No. They just have never even seen a science. They have those tin cans. They've got tin cans that they hook up to them that measure your body conductivity. And then somebody interviews, somebody asks you questions like it want, like a pretend psychologist. And then they read your body resistance, your

electrical resistance from these meters. Is it, e-meters, hop on that mic. But what about their clothes? Well, Tom Cruise has that metal of valor. Hey, you hear something interesting about that e-meter that I read. It's a dicting. I don't know if I ever said this on the show, but if you get, so there was this, I actually read this study, where athletes who get cortisol electrophoresis where they hook up electrical nodes on your body where you have an injury,

and one side has the steroid, and the other side's like the neck, it's like a battery, and it pulls the electricity, pulls the steroid through your muscle tissue. And they found that the low, low amperage current in that, in that setting would, over like 30 minutes, 40 minutes would lose, would release endorphins in your brain. So you could get addicted to it. And that is the same way that the Scientology, so people are literally addicted to grabbing those stupid cans. Yeah, they might have found out a way to addict people electricity, totally by accident.

They don't know. Yeah. Oh, right. Well, and like I started, when I started this, I said religion is supposedly close to pleasure centers of the brain. Okay, remember that? I was worried.

Okay, remember that? Well, the Scientology has been last religion to be developed has done a great job at brainwashing or whatever you want to call it. I don't know. But I believe it is a tie to the pleasure centers of the brain because everybody needs to be pleasure. So what do you do?

Just worship apple. Changed to worshipipping Steve Jobs. Some worried that I'm worried that all of you got to have a religion. I don't know. I'm worried that I'm worried that all the people who evolved is because of that religion center and their brain and that the humans who did not have that killed each other because they're all psychopaths. And I'm like, well, there's no reason for me not to do just a shitload of evil today.

I'm gonna go murder everyone. Like, eh, it's funny. Yeah, I'm gonna push this guy. I'm gonna let this guy get hit by a car in three and across three lanes of traffic. I don't care. But for society to work, everybody evolved with that religion center.

So that if you take away the religion, it's gonna get filled with something. And I don't want that something to be the government. You know what I mean? A government's a... I don't know. I think what's hard to find anybody that isn't somehow religious in the world.

It is. It's really hard. Because it does fulfill that buzz, that release of endorphins. Because you may never have experienced this. I mean, in religious mind. be when I saw that guy, I was like, please God, let this guy get hit by this car. Please, I'll do anything.

Like I pray, it's not religious, but I do fall back on that whatever. Like, come on, God, you fucked me all the time. Just let me see this guy get hit by this fucking car. Exactly. Yeah. Okay, so think about, I missed the world. I so think about the, I missed the whirling. I missed the whirling dervish.

What the hell is that? Oh, that's a great thing. That's a religion. I don't know the name of the religion, but the guys that practice that are called whirling dervishes and they spin, they're whirling, they spin until they see God. Oh, that sounds pretty cool.

So what they do is, I think, is by generating all that subantripetal force on their brain, no, you're right, fight or pilot, let's do this. When they put them in this spin out, they would all report seeing the white light as they black out because their brain would get, because they turn to happen. Yeah, well, that's what the whirling,

the whirling dervishes believe that. That by spinning like that, you see God, you communicate with God. There were some wild outfits too. They were the FES, they were the robe. And they get that, they get spinning is beautiful. They spin in the whole cape and everything and they just lay their head about. They lull back their head and they just spin their ass. Yeah, of course.

Why not? How did you see God? No, I fell over. Did you wear a fell down? No, I didn't see. I didn't have everything. I didn't have the rest of it. Yeah, of course, went out. How did you see God? No, I fell over. Did you wear a fell down? No, I didn't see, I didn't have everything. I didn't have the FES. I didn't know that's where you fucked up.

Yeah, I didn't have anybody watch you be either. You just did it alone? Yeah, I was in your house. When it was in the yard and I started spinning around with the hell are they seeing? What the hell? When? It was a long time ago.

How long? Oh, you know, 10 years ago. 10 years ago, it's not long enough. All right. You missed out. So that's the whole connection. I think it really is important connection. That, but we do have to do away with all the stupid clothing

because then we can see ourself for what we really are. Yeah, just calling. Yeah. Yeah. Just the guy giving a shitty graduation speech every week. Everybody, take it over the way. Everybody watch the church. Oh, I don't believe this asshole. He's not wearing his stupid robes.

You got it, yeah. Let's get down to what we really underneath. All of this, all of this is about clothes. Orte. How you dress? Religion, the graduation speech. It's all just clothes. That's all life is.

Just a series of clothes and you either wore the wrong clothes or you didn't. And if you wore the wrong clothes, you fucked up. Go home. Okay, is that it? Is that all you got? Just don't get me started on shoes, okay? Why?

Because how do you pay $700 for a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes when they cost $1.75 to make? Is this a you and mom thing that you're bringing onto the show to have now? No, no, I just die. No, no. It's just I can't get I don't style fashion. They're handmade. So hand made and you're paying for the brand. You really believe Mr. Nike, what are you wearing?

What are you wearing fucking target clothes right now? No, you're wearing a good brand name clothes. What is it? Probably Lululemon. Oh, fuck is it Lululemon? Yes, Lululemon. Yeah, because I know who does the shopping in your house. I know, I know that my sister is buying all. Yeah, I know a little bit. Yeah, because I know who does the shopping in your house I know I know that my sister is buying all yeah, I know

That's it. Okay. Thank you, Dad. Lacey you got some news. I've got a lot of news for you Welcome to the welcome to the studio. Thank you. Oh wait. Let me play these letters. Let me play these letters from Sean Hey, Sean, are you there? Yes each I've got a mirror. Yeah, yeah. Each piece of it. My dearest dick, it is I, your humble audio engineer. It is with great pleasure that I write to you, my sweet friend, from the comforting thresholds of the old ass farm. At my arrival, we fought to wouldessly hit a particularly girthy vein

of ass, and thusly we shall commence an unseasonably bountiful ass harvest. Please, God. As you know, I am here to spend time with my kin celebrating the annual holiday of Ramashan. He's got a lot of bad vibes and off ceremonial black V-neck garments, then mixed audio by hand five times daily, like a green shouncest as death. We must also fast from our favorite activity. Looking into the mirror, it has been quite a trial to avoid looking at about precious, sparkling, clear water blue eyes. I'm so great. While I'm enjoying the annual Ramashon Asfeast, I must confess that my thoughts do wander

toward the city of failure. Back to your eleturists, sinful mountain of debauchery. That's right. So that I may again delight in whatever stupid horse-shit Maddox did this week. We're all black to go, house of fat! His actions have become so erratic, so fosical, he is not unlike a mustache twirl and villain tying a maiden

to a train track, but instead of a maiden, it's his own career. I reckon there was quite the stir amongst the dead kids when you posted that tantalizingly succulent tweet regarding a court date wearing you spied my former mastermatics. I must say, well, I am to be kept in the dark until my return, and impatient hope sparks joy within me. But whatever the occasion, you most assuredly have been victorious against him and his evil, happy girlfriend. No, it not becoming of a man to compare a woman,

even a trade show she deviled to an Odissian sea monster, me think she is akin to the Hydra. But truly, every time one of her dastardly plots his foiled to do the Lord's seem to grow in its place. Sure. Also, like the Hydra, she ugly. Anyway, I'm sure the show is in the capable, loyal hands of replacement audio engineer, Tim Chains. I wish.

Pew, pew, pew. I'm 10,000% certain without any doubt that he accepted your apology and is currently with you at the time of this recording. No chance, he's not there. Not a lika one. No, oh. Yeah. My loyal friend, the distance between us does ignite a revival within me.

Oh, how it'll do my heart good to be within the rage for walls of the studio bunker once again? I wish to once more cleanse myself of my sins in your fine, cascaged sweat as I do most of the days as if it were the blood of a lazy tequila Christ. If only I could watch over you through the mists of this shitty wifi, like kind of a weird gay Star Wars specter, but alas, I can only pray we are all strong enough to whether the shitstorm in friendship, love and truth. I am as ever respectfully yours. Oh good. Fawn. Thank you. Thank you, Peach and the Stereo. You got to take a minute. That was really, really eloquent.

Yeah, I don't mean that. I don't mean that. It's crazy. It's made mention of my vacancy from the show. My cheer. Like did she. Yeah. Sent her regards or something.

If not, that is most agreeable. But I don't know what he's talking about now. All right, lazy. What's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your, what's your right, Lazy, what's your, what's your, I gotta move on before we get a next wife house. Surprise, he didn't use like, you know, when the ass is high, it was an elephant's eye. Hey Sean. Hey Lazy. How are you?

I'm good, what's up? I don't know a lot. Got some news for you. What are you wearing? Could I have our news? What are you wearing right now? What are you wearing right now? Blue Should I? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt?

Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt?

Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt?

Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? Should I wear a different shirt? the American South. The American South. The American South. Could be anywhere. Could be anywhere. Very mysterious.

Sean does always mysterious. Okay. You're in. All right. Yes. So let's start with some pop culture news for you. You guys remember Amanda Bynes, right? No.

She was a total rage. Are you kidding me? No, who the fuck is Amanda? I know that name, but I don't know why I know her. A couple years ago, she was all over the headlines because she had this Crazy mental breakdown. She got involved in drugs and everything and she's tweeting up She got involved in drugs. She was I mean she was she was taking drugs Okay, and she confirmed it in this recent interview

But she's back in control of her finances and she hopes to put her troubled past behind her She's looking forward to acting again, and she wants to be better drugs. Yeah, would you say? She's gonna forward to acting again and she wants to be better drugs. Yeah, would you say she's gonna buy better drugs? I mean back. Amanda binds is coming back. You don't remember that? No, I'm just a fuck. Amanda drank to murder her vagina. That's when she tweeted that.

She tweeted that. Oh, that girl needs to get laid. That's like a landing, like a guy with those landing things, bring it right in here, puffed up tweets like that. No, in her recent interview, she reconfirmed that she, even though she was on drugs, when she said it the first time, she's still on strike to murder her vagina.

So she, Drake, the rapper. What did you think she said? I don't know. I was in and out. I heard Amanda Binds and I was like, I don't know who the... What is this? Lost him. All right, what about Tiger Woods?

Are you guys familiar that he was arrested? Yeah, he was. Do you know what I am? Memorial Day weekend. That was great. It was great. It was, I mean... It's important to get awareness of DUI's out there.

Totally. That it's totally fine to do and that there's no consequences that will happen to you if you get a DUI. He's in a little hot water. He knows it's pills, not booze, right? Well, listen, so it's suspicious because after arriving at the testing facility following the rest, he told officers that he was on four different medications and one of them included Vykiden, but he didn't mention anything about Xanax. Whiskey, beer, tequila. But then in a new report, Officer Christopher Fandry, who had interrogated woods at the time of his arrest, noted that woods told police he had taken an anti-anxiety medication as

well. So now... What the hell, man? He's the greatest golfer in the world. And he's a black guy and he just can't, like that's not enough. Let, like, if you're bemoaning your station in life, just keep that in mind that it doesn't ever get any better.

No matter what you get, it's still every second of life is pain. Or just have a driver. Better. Right. He's still got to be getting on so many, he could have whatever he wants. And he's out there, he told officers in the police report

that he just likes to drive. Those. I mean, he's not wrong. It's fun. If you, like when you really, if you're hammered, when you put that pedal down down it feels like you are God It's hard to get away from I I feel him I Got it. You get it. Xanax will fuck you up though

That will check you right out of town That's a bogey you don't want on your record. I don't know all right moving on so I don't know. I don't know. All right. Moving on. So, a Chinese communications company has created a pop star factory and they're literally mass producing boy bands, especially crafted to appeal to Chinese influential pop culture. Their latest prototype.

They have a little boy factory in China. No, so get this. So, it's a genderless band called A Crush, complete with five Chinese carbon copies of little Justin Bieber's except that they're all girls. Justin Bieber's. And they prefer to be- Justin Bieber's. Justin Bieber's.

And they prefer to be referred to as the handsome youths. So they're girls, pretending that they're boys. Look, just- A trans-a computer-made trans band? But they're not trans because- Because they're computers. Whoa. trans because because they're computers. Whoa.

Made in China, man. I thought that was crazy. What? Why don't they like, when is the news article going to come out? Like China made the biggest hits ever. Not like a China made an and androgynous boy band. Hey, everybody round up all the computers and shoot him into the fucking sun This isn't why we make this shit It's not for a bit boy bands and computer men women like they're 11 years old. God damn it. God damn it

Who is giving who is giving the little girls and boys money to fund this to pay for this shit? Take it all away Everybody's allowance is canceled until I get my sex robots! Effect immediately! Don't you think? Yep. Like what? What?

Somebody guy went into work, you boss. Hey, you know, we can make fake people. Check it out, I made little children. Oh, you made a little boys? Well, you don't know, they're actually little boys or girls you're fucking tired man get the fuck out of my office with that shit you bring back the bit the hottest bitch in the whole dog so hot i can never stop looking at it

because it gets hotter as i stare at it gets eye tracking and it's all connected and I just stare into the eyes of my wife, my, my bad wife, who for the rest of my fucking life, like the Harry Potter mirror, not this stupid boy band shit, get out. So it's just, these are virtual? No, no, they're real people.

Wait, they're real people. They're real people. Yeah, Jack's exactly real. Yes. I told you, they were girls people. Wait, they're real people. They're real people. Yeah, Jack's really... What? I told you, they were girls pretending to be boys. I thought you said a factory made them. No, I said that they were producing. Figuratively.

Yeah, they created a pop star factory. So what is that? Like a labelling. They're on a never ending tour of the Vatican right now. So would they just dress them up and made a boy band? Yeah. Oh, that's not like what I thought it was. You legit thought they were a couple of girls.

Nobody wants. Yeah, I thought they were making robots that are fucked. I don't know how we got our signals crossed. Well, Lacey, it was your fault. I never wanted. Somehow. Okay. All right. Moving on speaking of shit storms. All right. So this weekend,

Disneyland patrons experienced the shittiest place on earth versus the happiest place. Police say 17 people were struck with poop as a flock of birds flew over the theme park in Anaheim, just before 9 p.m. Hasmat Cruz attended an area near Sleeping Beauty's castle following the reaper fence. That 11 adults. A bunch of birds. Shit out good. Can you call in the Hasmat Cruz?

I'm going to ask you. I'm going to ask you. What? Then John Candy like voice an albatross. Oh yeah, you're right. Shortly after the complaint of the massive dump, Anaheim police tweeted, with Anaheim fire at Disneyland,

no crime occurred. Guess hit with fecal batter appears to be that geese flew over no injuries. Oh God, I wish I was there. How do you? For that. The one, the day that I end up taking 80s girl to Disneyland, I'm just gonna put

laxatives in birdseed all around the park. Just so I can, when birds fly over, I'm gonna look on you look up in the air with her mouth open. Oh, she's just a bunch of bird shit, right? I'm gonna go, I'll get it on me too, but I don't care. Like, everybody, fun Disneyland. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,'s. You remember that shit on your soul, right?

Yeah, it was like you walked in and it was jammed. You're right. It was so funny. You know the worst thing about the birds is you can't get them back. Cause they're like, right, they're flying around. You take off, like you sons of bitches and they can't understand you.

When you're shouting it, they don't, they just fly around, shitting on everybody, and then I got the whole sky. That's right, I remember that. And we told you, the thing is that that is supposedly good fortune, good luck. Was that a religious thing? No, I think it's from the East. What kind of Eastern thing?

It sounds like an idiot thing. No, I mean, if you get shit all the time, you gotta make something good about it. Yeah, you know. God, I remember how infuriated that made me because you can't sit there and look at it. It was on your shirt. Yeah, it was huge. It was huge. It got on my skin too. It was everywhere. It got a little bit on my skin as well. No, no. I said to you, aren't you glad elephants don't fly? that was a nice and I thought, Dad, will you shut the hell up? I got a bunch of merch on me.

Shit on me. We never went back to Gladstone's, by the way. No, because it got taken over by a club. Like it turned into a douchebag restaurant. It used to be Gladstone's on the beach in Malibu. It used to be glad stones yeah glad stones on the beach in Malibu used to be peanuts and the people who bought it put a bunch of blue umbrellas everywhere and they they got rid of the they got rid of the peanuts excuse me I'm gonna throw up because I was out all night drinking with my lawyer yeah they ruined it oh I haven't been back no I haven't been back

either not because the bird shit no I would happily get bird shit right in my eye to go to the old Gladstone's, but it doesn't exist. Have you ever been shit on by a bird? A couple of times. Yeah, why? It's lucky. Why? Cause the fucking, I was an idiot and went outside.

Yeah, that's all on me. True, man. Like you said, you can't reason with the birds. I mean, I can't do anything. I hate them. A dog will do something wrong and you're like, you motherfucker and I go shit. I'm fucked.

The birds like, what a man, I don't even respect. I don't respect you. Yeah. God damn it. Somebody shoot that bird. I guess you fucking can't just shoot them. They go all over the place. Well, no, come back.

Do something. Break their eggs. And then they eat them every day. I spiked and eat all these God damn eggs. Well then when I'm standing there doing handstand spike, I eat all these goddamn eggs. Well then when I'm standing there doing handstands, trying to shit back, that's our period, dude. It's all bad. But the worst part about it is you lose your dignity

for the rest of that malign. That's right, yeah, yeah, your life for sure. I blocked that memory out. Thanks dad. Happy Father's Day. I remember one early, We always talk about it. Your mother. Remember that time?

Burnt shit on you. Remember that it is. All right. What else? What else? What else? Have you ever got shit on my bird, Lacey? I have in college.

It was upsetting. I was walking through the middle of campus with all my shit. And all of a sudden, I just got dropped on it. I was like, I was going to class. I couldn't not go to class. So I had to go to class with shit on my chest. Pfft. Pfft.

Burnt shit on your chest? Yes. It's all down my shirt. Oh my god. I didn't get any of my skin. It's a weird mix of feelings that I'm having right now. Pfft. Pfft.

Who's gonna win? Which one's gonna win? Just got revulsion or arousal. I have to check back in a little bit with those guys. There was absolutely nothing good about that. I knew a guy, this guy I worked with in college briefly. He was riding his bike and he was holding a coffee. He was riding his bike to work one day.

And he was checking out a girl and saying, hi, you're going to erect this bike and spill this coffee all over him and then a bird shit on it. That's what he had this, like right on his head. Right on his forehead all the way down his face. I was so disappointed. Oh my gosh, that's good.

It was funny when it happened to him. That would be funny. I my gosh, that's good. It was funny when it happened to him. That would be pretty funny. I love it. Not to me. No. Okay. I mean, you can laugh at yourself, right? No.

No. No. So serious. Absolutely not. All right. Moving on, some more Twitter news. So Trump is planning on hosting a tech summit at the White House later this month

because he obviously has huge tech governmental. Big birthday in Calaway. Plans on working together. They're gonna title us. They're all gonna come demo their new tech. This is a bouncier club than we've ever had, Mr. President, not bouncy enough. I wish he would fucking do that. That's why I voted for him.

I just want the dumbest shit because it's all like as soon as he starts trying to fix it, I'm like, uh, Trump, you're not gonna fix it. You can't fix it. Everybody from both sides hates you. And they're all like criminal. The only way you can fix it is by killing all of them. Like you can't fix, they're not gonna vote for any of your shit. Just do the dumbest shit possible. That's why you gotta double down on stew, and I'm having a tech summit. I appointed Jenna Jamison to the Department of Education.

I was like, well, I got nothing to say about the Betsy Divos thing. Like people can pick it apart. Oh, she donated this. It's like shut the fuck up. But if he just went, I appointed Al to the Department of Transportation, the dot? He's gonna be making all, uh, Mr. President, Mr. President, alph's not real, huh?

I bet you can't wait to see how alph starts working then. You fucking, you pieces of shit! You reporting pieces of shit! That's all, no offense lazy. But all the reporters, you fucking assholes. Ah, yeah, it's Alv. It's Alv. None taken.

Yeah. What are you gonna do with, what are you gonna do with the Russian premiere when he gets here? We're gonna play with Lincoln logs all day. And then they sit outside in the front in the Rose Garden playing with fucking Lincoln logs and people like There's a big Russian conspiracy. He's like motherfucker. We're playing with Lincoln logs You think this is does this look like a conspiracy to you? That's how you dominate the news That's trying to fix it. But Trump and I know he listens to the show I didn't vote for you to actually fix that shit.

I just said that so people would respect me. But I really just voted so you'd spend the first two years fucking with people. God. What's up? Hey, press conference. Hey, yo, what's up? My past level four of Marvel Madness today on the original mess. I don't know if, not on you, all you look like you probably didn't play Marvel Madness today on the original mess. I don't know if, uh, I don't know you, all you look like you, uh, probably didn't play Marvel Madness.

Probably you probably never passed level two. This guy over here at the Washington Post, you're fucked, sir, but I beat level four suck my cog. Mr. President, what's your plans for? Well, I plan to go play level five. It's the upside down level of Marvel Mad and is very difficult but I got all day to do it because I'm not fucking doing anything I'm not doing any I can't stress to you morons enough I don't I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck because I know their public interests are fucking with me the democrats are fucking with me the media is fucking with me all day every day and I don't I'm not gonna I'm gonna play me, the media is fucking with me all day, every day, and I'm not gonna, I'm gonna play

Marble Madness and Lincoln Logs until you guys just stop. Tell it. That's really good at Marble Madness. What? He's gonna get real good at Marble Madness. You can't get good at Marble Madness. No, he's going. Man, I played a lot of, I put a lot of hours

into Marble Madness, you never get good, you never pass that upside down level. No one ever has no one Was that the why did I start talking about that that wasn't the news but you made it a lot. Oh, what was the news? No, no, what was your new story? Well, so I'm sorry let me scroll up Trump Trump says he's never played Marvel Man as fuck. He did tech.

Oh yeah, tech summit tech summit. It's big birthday. For a 20s thing. Former Twitter CEO Dick Kostolo sent out a warning tweet to his fellow techies about the upcoming summit advising. If you don't get invited to this meeting and want to know what it's like, just drink a bottle of gin and then waterboard yourself. What the hell? Is that a joke? Yes, it's like, just drink a bottle of gin and then waterboard yourself. What the hell?

Is that a joke? Yes, it's funny. Why? What's the joke? Exactly how I'd imagine a meeting with Trump. A gin? Drunk and fuck. I don't think Trump is a gin guy.

Oh, he doesn't drink. He doesn't drink. I'm saying that that's what it would be like. Waterboarding. Oh, you don't like Trump, huh? So that's why it's funny Moving on to some drug news Now I'm very serious

So more people than ever are showing up to work with drugs in their system Yeah, because it's work Because every second of it is torture and you have to pay them to be there. Yeah, that's why. Pretty much. New Jersey-based quest diagnostics, a company that provides human service departments nationwide with drug screening services revealed earlier this week that now more than ever employees are testing positive for illegal substances such as cocaine, marijuana, and methamphetamine. Methamphetamine.

They have, and the last 12 years. Does it have a breakdown of the jobs, like surgeons are in there? No, it doesn't. It says that employees testing a positive for marijuana has increased by 75% since 2013. Testing positive for infetamine has increased by 64% since 2016. Or in 2016. Yeah. That's no.

Who cares? They just let them, like what, what do you, will their productivity is going to go down? Just pay them a little less. Like say, look, you can come in to work high, but we're going to knock five bucks off your, we're going to lower your pay by 5%. They're like, all right, that's fine.

Cool. No problem at all. That's how you solve it. Yeah. What are you? Stop them from doing drugs. No. Just everybody do drugs all the time.

That's my motto. Everybody do all drugs all the time. Always. Like, if every, don't fight it. You know, just embrace it. Who's not doing drugs at work? That's what I want to know. Ostracize them. Yeah. Bully them into doing drugs. Those are the real psychopaths. Yeah, that's what dare toppy is that

Pure pressure works all the time all the time. That's why they're all you gotta watch out for you gotta watch out for peer pressure people giving you drugs Okay, I'll really want out for people giving me free drugs dude Watch out for those who share have it. Who's this who's the target for this dare add? Okay, I'm really want to help people giving me free drugs, dude. Watch out for those who share. Have it. Who's this? Who's the target for this dare add? It's hot chicks. Yeah. It's not me. Nobody said, Hey, Dick, you want a bunch of free mushrooms?

That's a list of things that's never happened to me in my life. I want this bag of weed. Yeah. Yes. I do. So stupid. They're trying to make dare come back. Oh, they are. Yeah. Last week I was leaving Ralph's and this little girl was standing outside. She like ran up to me and she's like, Hey, do you remember dare? Yes. And I'm not going to talk to you.

Bish, do you remember dare? What the fuck are you talking about? Do I remember dare? Yeah, it didn't work. That's what I remember out there. I remember dare being where I learned about how great drugs are, because morons that I hated told me not to do them. And I said, oh, but you're the person that makes me learn spelling with a bunch of people who are mentally handicapped. So why the fuck would I listen to you about whether or not I should do drugs?

Aren't you the guy? Aren't you the lady that keeps me in here all fucking day every day when I just wanna go outside and fuck around? And now you're telling me I shouldn't do drugs? Oh, you can kiss the end of my cock. I'm gonna go do a shitload of drugs. Thank you very much. They're like, here kids, don't do drugs,

but here's how you roll up a blood. Yeah. You're like, whoa. It's officer friendly. I know that guy's not officer friendly. That's the guy that gives my dad speeding tickets for no fucking reason. Whatever he said, I hate his ass.

Because it puts my dad in a bad mood, and that affects my day. So you, sir, also, you can kiss the end of my cock. I'm doing whatever you guys say, I'm gonna do the opposite. Send a cop into every classroom in America to talk about how cool drugs are. I'm gonna be like, no, they're not cool.

You are a fucking tool. Get out. I'm never be like, no, they're not cool. You are a fucking tool. Get out, I'm never doing drugs again. Don't you think that that's a good idea? Totally. Yeah. Totally love the thought process. Like what do they not think for, well let's all these kids that,

drugs are bad. Well they're not. Well, what was this telling? Well they're not. They're not. Do you, why? Like does this work? not. Well, what was his talent? Well, they're not. Do. Why? Like, does this work? Now, now, now, are you guys supposed to be, uh, what do you,

what do you do here? What do you, why do you think this is your job to tell people not to do the fuck off? Just leave me the fuck alone. Anyway. Totally. Um, so last week, a Santa Monica-based toy company shipped seven pounds of pot by mistake to a mother of two

and as well as a children's toy blogger in New York. The woman could smell the pot before she even opened the package. And he still can't let her run. How did they get, why did they get up when the company's conducting an internal investigation. Yeah, because they're drastically drugs. They send it to the wrong address.

Whoops. Oh, I checked out the website. It's so funky. What was that name of that company in Breaking Bad? 80s girl. So I know, you know, fucking everything about Breaking Bad. The company, the German company, there's the point owned Poyos or Monos. Mon, Mon, Moni grow or something. That wasn't that excuse me.

Mon take grow. Instead of them, they're doing that. That's what they're doing. Now you can go on Craigslist and people send it all over the country. They advertise you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what you can. What the hell are you talking about? Well, you know, I'm on Craigslist quite a bit because really looking for free stuff free plants free plants and doing research for my

What a bit smoking But yeah, they advertise no hassles never had a problem no hassles ship anywhere in America for weed. Yeah Oh, wow. Yeah. Out of California, Colorado, various states. Which one of the other states? Oregon, Washington. Okay. So you know, yeah, they're, yeah, all the wreck states. Okay. No further, no further questions. You're higher. This guy seems totally on the up and up. All right. Is that news? That's all the news that I've created today. That's all the news you got. Amanda Binds.

Wow. I can't believe you didn't know about her. How lazy, how the fuck would I know about her? Amanda Binds. She is like the biggest news story. Two years. No, she was never a big news story. She was wandering around.

She was following out of cars. Oh my God. Party and on. Every continent. Yeah, she's fine. She fell a ball out of like a 10 story building. She threw a ball out of a 10 story building. It's because the cops I think we're coming to you.

A Frank is coming to you. Some kind of ball. Did you know her when you were a little girl? I knew of her. I was a fan. You were a fan. So this definitely impacted me because she was like the first like downward spiral that I actually could kind of understand because I was too young for Britney.

What about Lindsay? What about Lindsay? I was too young for Lindsay too. Like I knew it was happening, but I just didn't really understand like the age that they were and what was going on in their lives. See, the thing is that bitches be crazy. That's what you're going to remember and that they will all do is. Crazy.

Fucking crazy. It's not news. News flash. It's bitch, it's crazy. That's not news. News flash. This bitch's crazy. That's not news. Take it away. I'm not clicking on that.

All right. Thank you, Levy. Very much, Lacey. Thank you, Johnny, the sound engineer for filling in. Did you do a good job? Did you remember to hit record? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Dad, thank you. I got some dad questions here that people asked me on Twitter for you. Let's see here. How do I, this is from Panic. You're the last one. I'm reading it. Panic hippie says,

how do I raise my son to be an alleged stoner audio engineer for a podcast? That's probably a joke question. Well, it's like they're on their way. Ribbye Jenkins, a lady says, ask your dad if you ever got, if you ever caught you jerking off, describe it in great details, please.

And then she has a bunch of eggplants. What's that? I think it's a meaning of a penis and a direction because it's throughout. At least that's what I mean when I said, I do the banana myself. I mean, emojis don't have a banana dude. No, no.

Yeah they do. They do? Lazy, send me here. I need to update my text cocks. I like ribeye. Okay. Did you never caught me jerking off? No.

How do you deal with that? Every time you leave, you know, your kids just jerking off like crazy. You know everybody has to have secrets. Lacey, that's a peeled banana. I don't wanna send, I don't like sending my peeled, my peeled dick to a woman.

I'm sending a solid, throbbing eggplant. You say bitch, look at this fucking eggplant. Not a peel ripped off, like a monkey tearing into my penis. That's not where you're talking about. That's not a ronic at all. If a guy sent you that, you would go, dries a fucking desert.

That would be revolting. You go, dude, eggplant, please, only eggplant. Not a peeled banana. How does your father deal with the goss? If you were gonna start a small business this year, what industry area would you choose dead? Right on the mic. Well, it really depends on your goals.

Are you looking to make a ton of money? I see. That's what his goals are. Are you looking to make a living? Great franchise available that looks really promising is. What about gold? I heard you used to sell gold for cash. Gold for cash, no.

Gold for suckers. No, yeah, that's gold is where it's at. Because you could hold it in your hand. Yeah. So Bitcoin hit $2,700 recently. So you should get in Bitcoin. No, I'm just saying to hit $2,700 recently. So not everything that glitters. So what industry? Food industry is really easy in because people got to eat. You got to eat. And they got to eat more and more because they're so goddamn fat. Oh, and they're getting fatter every day. One bit of advice from a millionaire years ago was sell to the masses to live with the

classes. So find something that everybody is going to use. Do you regulate that asses? That's what it was. So what? So look at an industry where you're going to sell to a lot of people. I love internet-based businesses because you don't have to have employees.

And that's probably the biggest drag about food industry is it requires a lot of people. So if you're not a people person, a teacher, somebody that is willing to work with people to teach them, then you need to look in the way of internet businesses, finding a product that resonates and then building a platform to sell it. Is that enough buzzwords for you?

Yeah, it sounded like, oh, I don't know how to take that and do anything with it. It just sounds like a bunch of bullshit. Yeah, it's good. You need a funny hat or something. Hey, contact Chick-fil-A, that was great franchise. How do you get a very strongwilled three-year-old boy to listen?

We're dick and his sister, more mamas, children, or daddies. How did you deal with it from bird jet? Well, looking back on it, I wasn't as involved as I thought I was. Mom took care of most everything. But somebody, you know, I- What is this, a mother's day up, so? That was busy. That's the kind of shit you say. I was busy. That's the kind of shit you say. I was busy.

So, you know, with a three year old, you have to be consistent. And that's what is super important. Is, if you flake on one area, it's gonna catch up with you because they'll start questioning everything. So just be consistent. Oh man, you really fucked up.

Oh. Why, he's consistent. Yeah, I'm very consistent, Sean. He starts questioning everything. Yep, exactly. Let's see here. What motivates your dad? Like what inspires him to get up in the morning

and keep at it from the red back? Jesus. There's only one thing that matters. You want to know? Pussy, I know what that is. And that's part of it. Drive, you must have drive. So you wake up in the morning and your drive has to click in, go to bed and you click it off, but you got to have tons of drive and don't be fucking crazy. That's really important. If you're crazy, people will notice. So self-evaluate.

If you're supporting like a black ass, then untucked. Crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Because I'd never seen anyone do that before. No. What if you don't have drive?

You're kind of screwed in my experience because then you're not getting up. You're not busting balls, you're not doing what it takes to get things done. Drives important. Oh, let's see. Just have it. Is it a good idea to let your kids eat ice cream

in your brand new BMWs? BMWs are just things. Your kids are cool. That's not how you reacted. 20, 30 years ago. That was my car and I've grown a lot since then. Yeah, right. I bet if I go dumped over at your car right now,

you'd be pretty pissed off. No, honestly, I wouldn't. I swear to God, because I just did the same thing to your mother's car. I just dumped over a coffee. It's not so funny now. One day. Let's see here. Have you heard the gay fan fiction about Dick and the handsome audio engineer?

No, I kind of look over that. A woman wrote that. Big. I read about it. It was titillating. Oh, yeah. They were right about it. It was titillating. Oh, yeah, they're right about that. If I was someone else. When do you give your kids? When do you give kids their first beer?

You know, I never looked at it like that. It was just, you know, if they had a beer in their hand, I'd have that, okay, well, I should too. I guess they know what's best for them. Yeah. Well, you recall when we traveled through Europe and your sister was younger than you. And she wanted to try wine. She got so hammered. She had a real asshole. Yeah, she was giggly. And she's like, next day, was a hungover.

She didn't, and that seemed to cure it. So how old was she? She was like 14, legal age and France apparently. Let's see. What are you laughing at? Which one do you want to answer? Eight-filled demon. Oh yeah, okay.

How does this is from strange sig? How does the dad go from a hate-filled demon at the workplace and then once he is home at tranquil Zen Buddhist monk? Well, you spark up a blunt and then once he is home at tranquil Zen Buddhist monk. Well, you spark up a blunt. Cause sometimes that work and I work and I recommend Indika because it sounds like you're doing this. Oh, this is fresh news.

I read about it. I just read the study. I don't believe that at all. I swear to God. I just wrapped this morning, no one believes that. This morning, there was a study. Everyone thinks that you're smoking with you. You also participate in the University believes that. This morning, there was a study. Everyone thinks that you're smoking weed. They also participate in the University of Illinois at Chicago.

They just did a study. You get thrown names out. It doesn't help. Because the sexless person, a Gus Fring in here. Yeah. Yeah. No, I really don't have an answer. You just go for a run. Don't stop till it hurts so much.

You can't think. Have you forgiven me? This is from Kofi Fee Jones. I don't know don't know. No one knows who any of these people are dead. This is Twittler Coffee. Coffeefe. I heard that. Trump made a typo on a tweet. He can't spell. What is it? He was trying to spell. I don't know. Nothing. He was making a tweet. And then he just it was Coffeefe and that was the he obviously just hit a bunch of buttons and then posted it and then said, Oh, I've got so many marble madness episode games play. I can't go correct this fucking tweet.

And for some reason it was the most hilarious thing in the world. Yeah, a guy, a guy who is like an 80 year old man who tweets them the best on the entire planet, fucked up a tweet. Everybody checked themselves off and in their mouth because of this stupid tie-ball. It's like, are you guys, how fucking, yeah. Like, wow, he really, impeachment immediately, impeachment is coming. No, I read a guy wanted to have his license,

we got it, a license plate with that name. I don't know what the hell is that about. And then some other guy was mad because he didn't get it. You know, he was late. Okay. Have you forgiven me for the Optimus Prime incident? I don't. Which one?

Oh, I think it's about me. Have you forgiven, have I forgiven you for messing up my Optimus Prime? No. Is the answer. All right, maybe one more. Oh, this, here's, let's see here. What kind of advice did you have

before having children? Did you get any advice about that kids? No, no, no, just shows. Parents didn't talk back then much to the kids about that kind of stuff. Not that I do, but my parents were more aloof. My dad was gone working, so didn't get much advice from him other than what did he say?

And I can't remember. Okay. Your mom was stunt doubling for the Virgin Mary. Yep. We had the church for our advice. I was here to print. Here's a good one from Bandit Singer. Did you ever think your son was gay?

Nope. All right. Let's close on that. This has been a big show. Good. Dick.show. Oh, man. Let me see if anyone was supposed to call.

Oh, shit. Um, just a stereo's calling in. Oh, yeah, let me see. Yeah, stereo's there he is. All right, all right, there's there he is. I can feel him having like a near aneurysm. Hey, stereo. So you know, let's see here. Stereo. See there. All right. Let me get War that wait. War of the fanboys. Are you on right now?

Kickmasters and what's up? Yes. Okay. So is the fight still happening? Is the boxing match between you and a stereo still happening? I'll drive to New York tonight and lay this motherfucker out. Ha ha ha ha. Good. I'm glad to hear that. What happened with the Donald? Where are you? Are you a mod on the Donald anymore or what? I no longer mod the Donald on a day-to-day basis. I host a weekly mod death right now. What happened? Works out better for everybody that way.

Oh, okay. I was getting worried. I don't want your involvement in this, in the shenanigans on this show to affect your, your personal and professional reputation. Especially at the Donald, because you know how much I love the Donald. The Donald is as high energy as ever. So what does the stereos have in store for him?

Like, I say the thing I told him, please tell me you're training to fight. You have to train. I'm doing about two hours a cardio a day. I've done a lot of strength training. I don't think I need to do anymore. At this point, if the fight's coming up soon, I don't think additional strength training

is gonna help me any. So I've just been doing a lot of cardio a couple of hours a night. Two hours? Whenever I can fit it in. Oh my God, you are gonna kick the shit out of this. That's gonna be gross. My plan is to sort of wear them out and around or two, and then once he is out of breath

and is, you know, often lard, then I just come in and punch him in the head two, three hundred times and around. That's a good fucking plan Pretty simple. It will definitely work Is this stereos around Poor stereos. I don't know why is stereos you're not muted fucking open your mic and call in So what are you you're predicting a what round knockout?

can call in. So what are you you're predicting a what round knockout? Me? Are you talking to me? No, you. Yeah. What are you what are you predicting? Are you going to go? Are you going to go the distance? Are you going for a knockout? I, I, you know, it depends how the rule I would like this to be like an old-fashioned boxing match where it's you box. There's no rounds. There's no points. It's you go into someone either throws in the towel or doesn't get up off the canvas Yeah, okay, that's so definitely day back in the day a boxing match could go on for a hundred rounds Yeah, obviously a stereos would die of a hard attack by them, but I don't I don't I don't like points. I just want violence. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I went, I want to hear tears from the stereos, tears and like

whimpering and maybe like begging for forgiveness stuff like real pathetic cuck shit. So it's something that he's he's versed in. Okay, so what's the stings? I do want to see, yeah, stereos, you're on. We can hear you. Okay, Jesus fucking Christ over here. Well, let me get a goddamn work and edgewise over here. Go ahead There is your words your words me nothing First first off, I like to point out

That this guy got kicked out of his mod ship from the Donald's even the Donald was like this guy's too much of a cook for us Why like what the fuck happened to you? Don't you know that's our entire press hook? Is that it's me boxing a guy from the doll? Not me boxing. The fucking nobody from nowhere! I am an author. First of all, I'm an author. I'm an author, I'm an author. That's the bullshit part. That no one will ever read the only chance you ever had. I've been called the modern day Philip. I can't dick. Yeah, you've been called the modern day Philip. Kate dick by the crazy people who don't even want to hang out with you anymore. Jesus Christ.

How did you blow this so badly? I'll read that book, just so you know. Hey, thanks, Nick. I'll send you a signed copy. Oh, thank you. Oh, wow, that'll be worth less things the garbage you find in the streets. The only garbage that I'm finding on the street, a stereo is going to be your corpse. Oh, wait, what do you know where I live?

Have you doxed me? Who's doxing who here? No, but I appreciate your calls for doxing who here no but I appreciate your your calls for doxing a stereos it's great that somebody's posting my my home address on reddit now that's that's really making a really really painting the left as we've always known that what they do you know they always know what you do with stereos you guys you guys abuse bully everyone that's what we know exactly we don't yes you guys only control guys abuse bully everyone. That's what we know. Exactly. We own yes. You guys only control both houses of Congress,

the presidency, and the Supreme Court, and yet you somehow always act like the minority. Because our minority is just Trump. It's one guy we have in government versus the entire government. And that's not at all true. You have majorities at the House and Senate. And you guys didn't even let Obama have his last Supreme court pick. Because why would we let it? Why would we just let Obama have his own? What fucking thinking is that?

He was a failed president. What he constitutes, it doesn't work for you. The president gets to pick the Supreme Court nominees, not some fucking turtle. Well, you know what, Hillary Clinton should have done for best it should have been written for for his Supreme Court. He killed sooner.

You guys did successfully cock a man out of a Supreme Corp. Congratulations. The next thing you guys do is you successfully disable the fucking filibuster. I can't wait till we're in power again We're gonna fill up us to the shit out of you guys We're gonna deport you before that happens you son of a bitch. I'm gonna build a big wall Yes, a Mexican deporting me for a change

It's our country now you led too many of us in. We run California, so we run the whole thing. You control the presidency, both houses of Congress and the Supreme Court. It is your country. And when it gets super fucked up, it's going to be your fault. No, we'll blame it on you. I know. You will. I'll take you will. Anyway, what are the families? Can you get your mod ship back so this bike can have some kind of first angle?

Because if you don't have your mod ship, it's like, it's just two nobody's punching each other. And that happens every day in Philadelphia. What is that slab? Are you are? Are you trying to weasel out now by adding some additional qualifiers? No, he's right. He's right.

I'm asking you. It's serious. Nobody cares right. And as serious as right, nobody cares. And nobody cares if his theory speaks up a guy. It's like, it's like the whole ass kid was a liberal versus a guy from the top. I mean, how could you not realize that? It's better press for your book, too, if you're a mod from the tunnel. He's what this fight has become. Well, how it works now, when I write the Maga threads, I promote my Twitter, and then there's no conflict of interest.

So I'm not like being a liar. Oh, wow. The first time a Trump fan was ever worried about a conflict of interest in anything. You're so goddamn. What the hell is that smacking sound? It's like a stapler. That's him fucking jerking off in the background.

That's me laying into a heavy bag here. You need a fidget spinner. Yeah, you need a fidget spinner. All right, boys. Sounds like the fight's still on. We need to set a fight date. Okay, when? How's tonight work for you?

You know we do. If you want to fight, I'll come over and I'll punch you in the drop. Why don't you fight on your stance? You know, if you want to fight, I'll come over and I'll punch you in the job. Understand that this is an opportunity for you to shield your goddamn terrible book that no one will present. My book has already been called by some of the greatest writers in science fiction in absolute masterpiece. I'm sure the imaginary angel of Philadelphia, you're always chewing off your coffee table, loves this shitty book that no one will read.

Thank you. You're going to want the time to do a rewrite. You're going to want the time to actually get it printed up so it's not just a text file by a crazy person. We need to piss it. Now, it might be crazy. My being crazy is 100% of the selling angle of this book. Where else are you going to read something written by a manic Donald Trump supporter who

has a framed photo of Donald Trump that's like 28 by 36 inches above. That's not a huge. Lacey, do you want to read this guy's book? That's like a mini book on your many books, you had a science fiction adventure with Trump and Spayers. It's not a poster. This is a framed photograph of Donald Trump. Okay.

Okay. I think we're getting distracted. I think we're getting distracted from the point here. Oh, I was of the day. All right, hold on, hold on, hold on. When is the fight? how much time about, do you guys need to prepare to have the fight properly? I've been ready to fight a stereo since day one.

Okay, stereo's how much time do you want to prepare? Since you don't want to fight tonight because I guess you're afraid or something like that. He's a big pussy. He's too busy, he's too busy, God-o-and-shit straight from a pig's ass. OK, it's weird that you think about those kinds of things. Well, I don't want you to train me, Reggie. Listen, we've been playing.

You are literally making the noise that your site makes fun of. Listen, I would happily fight you tonight, and neither of us would get anything out of it other than the concussion you'd get and a broken orbital socket. When's your book done, and when's it coming out? We need to have the fight when your book is ready to be sold.

Okay, this is, you guys have to discuss this off the air. We have to find out when, when everyone's books are getting published, so we can have this boxing match between two guys who are gonna win the other for the 30 seconds and then pass out. Dick, Dick, listen, he's gonna need the money from this book after I put him in the hospital

and he doesn't have Obamacare. I'm a liberal trying to help a poor conservative out yeah i know i think you're gonna need the bible after i murder you and you're standing in front of the public yeah the bible is free and no one wants to read it just like you're fucking fuck ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm not kidding. A dickhead reached out to me. Who's the manager of a McDonald's in New Jersey? And he invited me to come down to McDonald's and eat as many McNuggets as I want with a manager's discount. So this Saturday night on my Patreon, I'm going to try to eat 100 McNuggets in an hour so I think the mass it's going to take

to crush this little twerp. Are you going to live streaming? Of course I'm going to live stream. Patreon, I've always wanted to see a liberal commit suicide on a live stream. This is going to be great. I like to point out the most delicious suicide possible. Yeah, but I love big nuggets. Okay, so check out this Saturday night, 8 p.m. Try it. Check out Stereo's eating a hundred chicken McNuggets. Probably on patreon.com slash your stereos. And maybe I'll do a Bible stream. What? What? You want to try to say that with a just a tidy bit less enthusiasm?

As serious, you don't need to sell a man eating himself to death on chicken McNuggets. That's a very good point. I could say it. This guy's a better businessman. Maybe I'll do a Bible stream of me training for 10 hours. That's your point of the news. Now you're thinking like someone who wants to get people interested in a fight. And war the fanboys. Where can where can people get more information on your book? You can you can again follow me on Twitter at Trump sci-fi.

I've got a website postmaga.com. Okay. The book is written. I've got a website postmaga.com. Okay. The book is written. I'm currently shopping around for an editor. I'm currently working with some digital artists to design the cover. It's going to be a great cover. You're going to see it.

You're going to know that we're, I'm going to make reading great again. Well, hit up a, hit up a lead ass again. Are you writing a version of the book that takes into account Trump's impending impeachment? Like do you have a backup plan for that? Are you fucking you think Trump's gonna get impeached? Well, I'm just losing a lot of strong looks at that.

Based on what? A stereotype. Every now and then, who thinks that eating 100 chicken nuggets is gonna help a win a fight? It's going to make me win a fight. Did you not read the intercept? Did you not read how Russia absolutely penetrated our electrical our elective it's going to be based with my fist

who cares penetration you're saying a stereos who fucking cares about what Russia did sottie don't be hundreds of millions of dollars in the clinton campaign and what they absolutely no evidence that russia did anything and now your defense is who cares no i don't think they did anything i don't i don't think they did anything behind what government's normally do like all our own fucking government reads every single email and text that we send and you're telling me russia tried to hack an email

are you fucking kidding me my emails permanently hacked it's permanently hacked by people stealing my fucking paycheck what do I care about Russia of course they're trying to hack it of course they are cuz I got the same to be regretting zero two weeks ago you said there was zero evidence that Russia had hacked anything and now you're saying of course they have and who cares this is not it's is normal government shit the Russians and we now have proof oh my god if you go to the if you read the article on the intercept something I'm guessing you guys haven't talked a lot about on the Donald a website to kick you out from your mod ship for being too

great nobody is ready the stereo is talking all right more of the families kick the shit out of the stereos for his the right to get the shit I of his stereos for his righteous. I'm gonna throw him down a flight of stairs. I'm gonna land a flying elbow from three stories up. I like to pull out the spine. Who moves our illegal in boxing?

I'm gonna be in the... No, you guys get away with one. That's what I know from boxing. You can get away with one elbow right to the face. They give you a warning. You can do it right at the top. You just walk out and punch him in the nuts and the rep goes, hey, you lose weight.

That was what my training instructor told me today. Yeah, I'm sure I take a stereo's right in the nuts. Yep. All right, guys, get the hell out of here. Go to Trump sci-fi on Twitter, go to patreon.com slash hysterios to watch the McNuggets. Thank you for calling in. I look forward to the fight.

Oh, yeah, thanks. Thanks for having me. Sorry, I was a bit distracted. What are you smacking someone's ass there? It's literally jerking off the wall of this call. All right. This is the most attention he's ever had and he loves it. Well, Dad, thank you for coming in to the show. So he's a pleasure.

Pleasure. Lacey, thank you, of course. Thank you for having me. Johnny, the fill-in sound engineer. Thank you for coming in to the show. So much pleasure. My pleasure. Lacey, thank you, of course. Thank you for having me. Johnny, the Philan Sound Engineer. Thank you very much. Don't fuck up this audio. It's a real nuclear football you got over there. Oh yeah, fuck it up.

We're good. Don't, I'm telling you, right? I want to look you in the eye, because then afterwards, if you did fuck it up, I would say, man, I wish I had told that guy not to fuck up. I feel you. Okay, thank you very much for coming over and doing this. You're welcome.

It has been the Dickshow. This outro is from Bad Pizza. See you next Tuesday. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh. I'll tell you when my mom walks in. This soundtrack. Not yet.

Not yet. Not a thought in your mind about your mom walking in Just jamming out. Oh, yeah. Oh Yeah, oh Wow, this is a great thing that's happening to me. I'm in a whole other I'm over the moon Right there! You say, Mom, what did you see? Nothing, I don't believe you.

Ever happened to you? A couple times. A couple times. A couple times, your mom walked in on you? Oh yeah. Why? Why a couple times? You know, for a sound engineer, I'm not always the quietest. At banging.

Shit was falling off the walls, it was all bad. Wow, Lacey, what about you? My mom has walked in. My dad has songs. I probably wouldn't be here today if my has locked in. My dad has found it. I probably wouldn't be here today if my dad was here. Your dad locked in? Why, because he would explode. And when it's taken out everybody,

like, have you contained peninsula? Everyone involved. What about you, dad? What? Did your mom ever lock in on you while you were... Nope. Lucky you. we all have secrets Keep them

God I'm seriously throw up That outro is dope as fuck I thought, uh, at outro's dope as fuck, outro's, what do you think is gonna win? Do you think where the fanboys is gonna win against Assyria or the other way around? I mean, he said he's been training.

Where the fanboys? Do you have your same pictures of him? Do you know what he looks like? I know what he looks like. Yeah. Well, what do you think? Even match up. Even?

Mm. It's gonna, it's gonna all come down to the training. Yeah. I believe it. Nuggets versus cardio. What do you think about that rushes shit? Are you, you're a, you're one of those people. Did you go to a bar to watch Komi? No, I did not. I actually was going to bring it news. I just wanted to look up something on that, but I didn't. You're going to bring in Komi news? No, just like on that, but I didn't. You're gonna bring in Comey news? No, just like how everybody would be.

About how he has no balls. Yeah. That's the start. I found that out recently. Man has no dick. And not like it's been cut off, he just has nothing. That's almost worse. It's much worse.

It's better to have a lot of your mobs. You're always going around calling him a to have a lot of good mobs. You're always going around calling him a man and a he, but no dick. So, I don't know what to call him. You can't listen to this show. Yeah, he can because all of everything that we do is hacked and listened to all the time. True. By our own government and we're paying for it. They're listening right now. Yeah.

Totally. Even if the mics are after. Not even from the stream itself, just directly from this computer. Yeah. They're looking at that webcam right now. Yep. Every, they're all, all these FBI NSA guys are all gathered around, jerking off, looking at you and you're just, hey, everybody look at this guy's face. That's why I always wink into the webcam when I'm jerking off. I let him know. I let him know. You let him know. webcam when I'm jerking off. I let him know.

I let him know. You let him know. Yeah. I'm like, hey, I see you too. Just because it ruins the voyeurism. Right. And you're like, yeah, I know you guys want to peep on me, but I'm aware of it.

So I'm ruining the fantasy for you. Sometimes I step it up a little bit too. I'll put candles and shit in the back. That's weird. Well, the sentence like you're enhancing their experience. You're not taking the agency from them. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. You're the professional here.

I know all about jerking off and who's beating who in the jerking off game. Always got to stay one step ahead. You know what I'm talking about? Oh yeah. What about you, Lacey? Do you set up in candles when you're... No. No.

No candles are involved. That's good. That's better. It's only within like, you know, behind the shoulders. Just to frame it, right? I can't show them the rest of the squalor I live in. Just like... Hey, no. Oh, yeah, all that tapped. Everything in your TV, your bread, I can't show them the rest of the squalor I live in. Just like, just enough.

Oh, yeah, all that tapped. Everything in your TV, your bread, they've got it all, the NSA's got all of it, all the time, they've got it tapped. Then what are we so worried about? The government. I mean, yeah, that's what, I mean, just me personally. No, we have personally, too, but at the same time, yeah, like that's what I mean me just me personally. No, we have personally too, but at the same time it's like.

That's what I think about the Russia thing. I don't care if they try to hack my shit. You guys are hacking it all the time. It's on permahack. I don't, you think that I, you think I hate them more than I hate you? Russia has never taken a dime from me. You guys take my money all the fucking time. All the time you take it.

Always. Why the fuck do I care about Russia? Russia's only given me good stuff. Women with huge cans. Russian every single time. If it wasn't for Russia, we wouldn't have most of the videos on lively, either. What do you mean all the death stuff?

Yeah, I'm like death cam either. What do you mean all the death stuff? Yeah. I'm like, death cam footage. What a sicko. It's just something on sick person. You don't watch that stuff. I'll watch it. Never was. I watch that stuff.

I know. Better YouTube. I don't know what, like if I don't know what country would, I don't know what it would have to be. For me to be more worried about hacking Oh, so how do you rabia hacked you? Uh, I hate them, but I less than America Yeah, okay, well so what what are they doing? What are they gonna do with it? They have all the money already What are they gonna fucking what are they gonna do? Yeah, you guys have it You know, I know you're gonna fuck with me.

Cause you got a guy right down the, you got a police station right down the fucking street. Hey, that guy's thinking the wrong way. Go fix, go figure something out. No problem, no problem. Cause no problem. We know how to do that at LAPD cause we've been doing it for hundreds of years.

Don't worry about it for a second. We'll go fix this idiot up with what we found in his email. Oh, that's illegal though. We'll figure it out. You know I have your sheet belt on, sir? Let me see that laptop. What the hell does that have to do with anything? Huh?

Huh? With cops? It's illegal to not wear a seat belt. Looks like you might have some weed in that, and emails in that laptop. What? How do I defend against this? Yeah got by got it by lawyer 10 grand. I don't have time for this shit Cuz you guys took all my money That's America, Lacey. I don't know if you're aware of where you live. I'm aware. I don't think so

You're aware of where you live. I'm aware. I don't think so. Not enough. I'm just not pulling any shit, so I don't have anything to worry about. You're not thinking hard enough then. That's what it takes. You gotta start pulling shit before, because they're going after bad guys, right? False.

Yeah. Just a guy, I'm just a guy that wanted some guns, some drugs. It's a big deal. There's nothing wrong with having guns. Oh, it's illegal to have guns that everyone wants. Those kinds of guns? No. Regular guns. Don't call them those kinds of guns. kinds of guns. Regular guns. Don't call them those kinds of guns.

Those are the guns. Just guns. Just regular guns. I just wanna have an 80 round magazine on my AR 15. Or what? What's the point of that? Because it's like a medal. Oh my gosh.

It's like a, I pretend that it's my penis when I hold it. What's, what do you mean? Are you gonna go through your house? What's, why do you need this? Why do you need this? Oh, why do you need this? Why do you need this gun? Why do you need anything that you fucking,

what the fuck are you talking about? Why do you do anything? Let's go see a movie. Why do you need that? Because I, because want to do it. Because I want what business is it of yours? I have one in RPG. No big deal. I just like looking at it. Why do you need that?

Well, because I'm getting asked a lot of questions. I don't like. I'm starting to think that I might need a reason for this. Why do you think I wanted? Maybe that's the reason You tell me why you think that I wanted And let's go with that Get into your brain Why you think that I want this you know what I'm saying? Thinking it up. Why do I want why do you want why do you think that I want this? You know what I'm saying? Taking it up. Why do I want, why do you want, why do you want those rides?

What do you mean? I am in disirvenment of them. I have them. They're mine. I'm not fighting for something I don't have. These are mine already. See, they trick you. They make you think that you're trying to get something

that doesn't belong to you, but it does. It does. I'm getting pretty drunk. All right, leave all that in. That's great comedy. All right, let's get out of here. you