The Dick Show - Episode 55 - Dick on Court

Episode Date: June 20, 2017

What happened in court, the tyranny of the suggestion box, my theory of aiming, for whom the system works, top billing, who won the Asterios/WarOfTheFanBoys fight, Katherine the cat girl, how debt makes you a child, several chewings out, stepping in water with your socks, hearing the lamentations of their women, the world's greatest hero, and the evil Rod Serling in men; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Today's episode is brought to you by Keon Magganya at the Goldstein Law Group. If you're going to court, get a lawyer. Email DickShowLoyer at gmail.com. I like that one. Is that good? Okay. I like to get a lawyer part. Probably good, because you're probably gonna fuck it up.

Alright, let's do it. Presenting... DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK Yeah! Welcome to Dick! You need Dick, you want to take your love, Dick, you got it, it's the show. Where everything is a contest coming to you live from a concrete bunker. And the side of a mountain and the city of failure I'm your host Dick Masterson with me is always, well, with me as most of the time is Sean the audio engineer.

Did I miss anything? Sean, what's up buddy? Never, never leave us again. Never. Do you know that's what my regular studio job said when I got back? Did they? Never leave us again?

Don't leave again. I mean, look, if you need a vacation, take it, but just know this. Pretty much everyone talks shit about you when you're gone. Okay, good. So that's on you. If you want that kind of, if you are comfortable with taking a vacation and knowing that, not me, I'm not ring-leading it, just people on their own are talking all this shit. Oh, name these people. No, no, everyone.

So if you're comfortable with that, by all means, take your vacation. I'm fine with that. Me, no, no, no, no, no. We think it, because a normal person wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'm trying to say don't, I'm trying to manipulate you and did not ever taking a vacation as a result of the show. Well, as a result of the show,

I've grown a lot personally. So I really don't care what other people think so much. Ungrow. We want, don't care what other people think. Shrank. But care what everyone on this show thinks only. Okay, only. Okay, only.

Okay, I'll work on that. Oh my God. Johnny was a great, I hope he's in the discord listening to you. He was great on the show. He was great on the show. Great on the show. Yeah, kind of been better. No, he was totally really appropriate, dropped in when it was necessary,

had funny things to say. I was like, it fits right in. Yeah. And then the, it fits right in. Yeah. And then the delivery of the mix came and I said, oh, this is no Sean. Then he, no, I get a, and I get a, I talk to him for a little bit. I don't mean to, I don't mean to pick on him because it's extremely hard to step into Sean's shoes.

They're, they're miles long. Sean is like Paul Bunyan, a audio engineer. He's got big boots to fill. Big zings, big zingers to zing. Johnny did that part. Then the, then he said, I'm looking at, he's, he was opening up the audio template you gave him. And he's like, there's things that Sean's doing in here that I've never seen before on any podcast.

Sean's doing things that no podcast in the world, like he's describing alien, alien, like a uniform Bible that was just unearthed Sumeria. I'm like, Johnny, don't tell me that stuff. Well, we mean, it's just wave forms, right? You can, like it's just guys talking into a mic and then it magically shows up in my drop box and I post it, I put off writing the episode until I get that and then I panicked right

a bunch of gibberish and put it at thedickshow.com and then I'm done. Don't tell me that there's magical shit involved in this. Well, you're talking about the mix template. Obviously. Yeah, there's some things that I've had to do, you know, necessity being the mother of invention. Yeah. Because we've generally recorded in not perfect rooms. So what happens is you got four microphones

in a room and it's remote for safety. Yeah, not for recording. Right, although it's just built for the apocalypse. It's the best sounding room we've recorded in, but the thing is, is you've got to figure out a way to get those other mics to kind of be quiet when one person is talking, because my voice is going into multiple mics

in this room right now, and there's a few different ways to do that. And sometimes, so I use a combination of things without God the ladies listening, just must be completely just I knew all over them. I was like, well, I'm glad that I told them not to fuck it up. At least I don't have that way on me that I said, hey, don't fuck this up.

So then I go back to the email chain to say like, well, wait, what were the actual instructions Sean gave and what was the questions about the instructions? And it was Sean saying, here you go. This should take care of it. And Johnny Gordon thinks, that's all I should know. No, well, I think I, well, when I sent the, but when I sent the template, I gave him the, I gave him kind of the rundown of what I, what I do. I said, feel free to make changes. If you, you know, something is working, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you said, don't make any, you got to run these, you got to crack. If anybody ever, if, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, This patented, you don't change, this isn't a creative commons template that you're touching.

This is a quality, this is a legacy. A legacy, go ahead. Well, here's the thing. This was all predicated on that he had access to, you know, a pro tools rig with all the plugins that I have. And I said, if I said, so if, if you don't, then this is all out the window and we need to talk. Well, talk. Well, no, I never got, then this is all out the window and we need to talk. Well, did you talk?

Well, no, I never got, I sent him that the mixed template on Tuesday night, you guys recorded on Sunday, and I didn't hear one word. So I said, oh, did you? Yeah, I didn't have access to pro tools. What'd you do to go? Well, I tried to do it, I tried to do it another way. So, well, I appreciate the effort,

but doing it another way is not like, that doesn't, we're going, we're going to Seattle. You got me halfway to, you got me halfway to Amarillo over here. We're going, we're going that we need that, we really need the finest audio in all of podcasting. That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm glad that this show has achieved We really need the finest audio in all of podcasting. That's what I'm saying. Well, I'm glad that this show has achieved

a certain standard, you know, that time. We got, I got that mix at like 10 at night. Oh, I know. I was getting the text. We did text. We did text. Three in the morning, three in the morning, central time. I don't, how'd you get at 12 or one?

I don't try to disguise my panic when I'm texting. It's all caps, it's over and over and over like the neediest girlfriend on the planet. Sean, Sean, Sean, Sean, where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Like an crazy person. Yeah, yeah.

Cause I'm getting emails already from people who are pissed that they don't have their drive time dick in the morning. Everyone needs to get in the morning. I know. No, no, no. Time is a way, because they get used to it posting at a certain time. Time is not on my side.

So how many different mixes were posted? And have you posted the one that I did just the other day? Just the other day, yeah. Okay, reposted. Just so people can compare. Okay. I don't want to, you know, I don't want to imply anything about the old mix, but I just want your mix to be up there forever. Okay.

As a historical document. Right. So if people want to go read download the show, you know, throw a couple new extra downloads in. No big deal. Just go download it so you have it. Go find your favorite part and listen to it in Sean Fidelity Audio. Oh man, I felt so bad for Johnny. When he sent the first one and it didn't work, I go, oh, I know where, I know where this is going already. Yeah. It's the point where it's too late.

Sean's gone his way to bed. When I'm screaming at him over text, no computer, no nothing, and it's that point I realized, God, you did not plan this out very well. I blame myself for not planning more, for not making you guys plan more. Yeah, I blame myself for that. I think that that's a,

for not making you do it. It wouldn't be an issue at all because he would have at work. See, he works for a big big company. Well, yeah, it's bought, it was bought out, but it was, it was, it probably still is because I think they have all the same equipment. One of the best recording studios in the world, bar none, massive, massive records have come out of that place. It's legendary for its microphone and outboard gear collection. It's an incredible place in Hollywood. And I think they have all the, the stuff. So I figure, of course, they're gonna have the latest

in, you know, Pro Tools HD rigs with all the bundles, all this kind of stuff. It got them boring myself. Anyway. So all that stuff is what makes the podcast sound good? Well, it just makes my template work. Cause I've got a bunch of plugins, you know, on things. And let me see if he's in here actually.

Let's see if I can get him in. But he did eventually get on a rig, right? To redo it? I don't know. Does anybody give a shit about this? I don't have a screen in front of me. Yes, I do. Okay.

I do because I was up until nine in the morning, bouncing, remixing, doing the stuff that I assume you always do. What were you doing? You were, I was just, we had this great system where he'd send me one and I'd say do it again. Oh, that's, yeah, no, that's it. Yeah, you know that system. Yeah.

Okay, we've got a lot of stuff to go over in today's show. We've got the court case. I'm going to talk about the court story, the court goss. We've got a stereos in War War the Fanboys got so charged up. These guys are like, I mean, these guys are like, they were like tripping over themselves to fight each other. Yeah. So after the morning, drove

for six hours to New York to fight a stereos in a 24 hour UFC gym. So they all this. So they're all of their talking awesome. Like all of the stereos is talking about timing it with book releases and getting this marketing strategy. Went out the window when he got pissed off enough. He got called a cuck one time and he's like, okay, fine, it's on. Driving him and fight me right now. That's like, well, what about all your talk about book releases?

Asterios is so... You know, at some point you just want to make someone shut up. I guess, I guess there's no division between, I don't know, it's none of it's an act to me at that point. I thought the act was, you guys are gonna, the act was, you're gonna scream at each other, like WWF style. And then hype up this fight, but it's the second I let them on the air

to talk to one another, they immediately go fight. Yeah. They immediately go fight. And this is what this is what some people are calling the fight. Anarchist bunny says, we're going to watch it later. You haven't seen it. Have you? No, it was hard for me not to have to. Let me tell you, it's two of the most intense rounds of boxing you've ever seen in your life. Awesome. You've never seen men in the ring try this hard. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Never. Okay. Maybe not the most technically proficient fight in history. But they're not boxers. I wouldn't expect technical proficiency. Anarchist Bunny says, now I know what it would look like if a giant toddler fought a holocaust prisoner. Oh, Jesus Christ. Ryan Oxley says, looks like a couple of

three-year-olds fighting. Let's see, Shane Morrison, I thought the start of the video was showing Coconut's face that got all messed up from the fight. Then I realized it hadn't happened yet. Poor bastard. He's just probably sweating chicken McNugget grease and. Where's the one? They went in there and said, oh, yeah, they went in. So they go into this UFC gym and they promise the guy, like, you know, there's New York city.

New York city in the middle of the long island. Where are you going to find a boxing ring to fight? Like, if you had to, if you, Sean, had to go fight someone right now, or excuse me, at three in the morning, where would you go? In LA? Well, anywhere. Like, what would you do if you were charged with doing that? Just look for a, look for a 24 hour gym with a you know

With a boxing ring or an A ring I know I didn't think that existed. Oh no. I know they exist people train all hours of the night Well apparently they do So they go in there and I guess pay 20 bucks and say they say to the guy we promise nothing crazy Flashbow and let them do it. 20 minutes. War of the fanboy girlfriend is like a cat person. She's got ears and she's meowing and hissing at a, like, they're like, this is, I mean, you know, this is the, this is the definition of why we can't have nice things.

It's just two respectable gentlemen walk. War of the fanboys has his own boxing gloves. So they look very, they look professional. Walking, can we just use your boxing gym, a backs boxing ring for just a moment? We promised nothing crazy. Next, he's got to say, so it's like somebody walks in a bowling hour. They're on bowling ball and then are they good? Do they carry like a, you know, like a two, 25 average or do they throw a bunch of gutter balls? Well, you have their own ball either way, but you think they're at least bowling, okay?

And then they go into the bowling alley, and then they start, it's like they start pantomiming like cats fighting on the bowling alley, and you're thinking, what the, I thought you guys said, no, okay, I mean, this guy, the cat lady that wore the fanboys' brats, the fight is meowing, hissing, got ejected from the ring by a manager of the USC for lipping off to him.

And then after the fight is licking her boyfriend's wounds, like a cat, like a cat, Sean, he brought a cat to the fight. Who's that guy? How do you even pay attention to the fight? Who's that guy with the furries and the doldos? Is he involved in this somehow? No, Steven, right. Steven has, Steven has, Steven keeps it all in the bedroom.

Yeah, like a decent human being. He's a decent human being. Not out in public. Not out, I can see it. Not out at the gym. Where these guys who are like longshore, or cab drivers during the, like real hard men working hard lives

who just find the time to train UFC in the middle of the night at three in the morning. And all of a sudden, you've got a man-sized toddler and a Holocaust prisoner with fighting with a cat woman, with a woman who thinks who's acting like a cat. That's their day. We'll get to the fight. We'll watch the fight.

Let's see. Today's theme. I'll tell you what makes me rage today. Apropos of I'm going to get Johnny on here first. Let me see if he's in here. Hey, Johnny, are you there? Oh, Christ. I am here. Hey, Johnny. Johnny, you bastard.

How late were we up? Trying to figure out the mix last week? Oh, Jesus. I think that last print finished at 730 in the morning. Yeah. 17th figure out what the fuck happened, but that's the sever- All right. I appreciate you filling in for Sean. Next time, next time, we've got to have a more open dialogue more questions

Fair to say more questions about preparation and the keys to success. Yeah Preparation the theme of today's show is half-assed everything everything the theme of today's show is That what makes me rage is that the entire world I'm not ripping on anybody with this, except I'm ripping on everybody with this, is everything's half-assed. It's true. I tell you what, man, if you find a guy who uses his whole ass at any time, it's like, that is your Jesus Christ. Like, everybody's always trying to better themselves,

but all you gotta do, do man is use that. You don't need to learn new skills. You don't need to, all you gotta do is just use your whole ass all the time. Sean, my air conditioner is broken. And my house right now. Is it? Yeah, that's why it's like 200 degrees in here. It's pretty human in here.

It's pretty human in here. Guy shows up to look at it. He opens the, he opens whatever the heating thing like the cubby where all the coils and stuff are and goes, oh, hey, whoever installed this for you, they crammed, he pulls out a booklet out of the air conditioner and the heating unit, a booklet that's like half-singed in charge like a pirate map. And he goes, yeah, the guy that installed this just crammed the instructions for your heater right into the heating coils. And I say, well, that's interesting because I do smell a burning smell every once in a

while. And he goes, yeah, well, you know, could have burned your house down because he decided that he was done for the day. Like, well, as here's, I could just go, I could go file this somewhere, I could put it on top of it. Nah, I'm just gonna cram it in. Just gonna cram it right into the heating coil. No big deal.

And it's the half, the half ass, the tyranny of the half ass, it takes everybody who's trying to use their whole ass and it pulls them back down. So that you're using, now you're using half of your ass to complete the rest of the ass of the first guy. You know what I'm saying?

And then there's only so much ass that you have. You don't have a three-cheat gas. You already split your ass right down the middle. You've got to use the remainder of your ass to cover the whole ass that you should have at playing the ass forward. What you're saying is a very creative way of what a huge problem I've had,

basically my entire adult life, as I've started to pay attention more and more to just how we interact in society and how goods and services are rendered, you have to make other people do their jobs because no one will be accountable for themselves. And it just drives me fucking crazy. It takes all of your time to do that.

So then when you have to do your job, you're like, well, I got about 10 minutes to do eight hours worth of work here, who is ever relying on this. Now you're fucked. I have to constantly check orders afterwards. Okay, no tomato, right? I mean, it's like that, but it goes a lot higher than fast food workers.

It seems to be everyone. It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, did you go ahead and do that? I know that's in your job description and that's what you allegedly get paid for, but oh, no, no, no. Oh, well, could you fucking do that please? So it goes out like it's supposed to go out? I don't know, man, it's just, it's not that doing half of, doing half-ass job doesn't make the thing half valuable.

It makes it not valuable at all. You gotta go all the way to the end for the thing to be, for the job to be done. Otherwise, it's just not nothing. Half-ass equals all wrong. Just don't yet. Just don't do it at all. Yep. Yep. This guy cramming shit back into my heater. So here's the, I'm gonna talk,

I'm gonna talk about the court story now, because it's, this was, are we talking to Johnny? He's on the line. Oh, okay. Johnny, how are you doing? I'm doing great. I actually have another fucking 730 night again.

So, that's what happened. Why would happen? People fuck you over by doing half-ass shit. Even worse, the engineer couldn't make a decision until probably 6, 6, 30 in the morning. And so, he should forward. Had to wait for that and then more prints. So.

All right, buddy, I appreciate the work you did on the show. Yeah, great job on the show. Next time. Oh, you guys could lie to me all you wanted. No, no, no, really. No, he actually added. He was good. He was good in studio.

I was gonna kill him when I got that, when I was up until nine in the morning, trying to get that fucking mixed bounce. I felt that through your text, and I was like, I appreciate your patience, because if you were any, in any different of a mood, I probably would have gotten strangle through the fall. No, that's my mood all the time. I expect that's exactly what I expected to happen. Well, well, then we're on the same page.

Then glad not to disappoint. All right, go go to sleep. Go go rest up for another day of people dicking you around. Oh, no, I got to hear this court goss. Okay. All right. All right. So this is what this is why I say today's theme is half-ass because this is what happened. This is what happened to court. You remember on bonus episode eight, I think it was. This is also why the today's episode is sponsored.

We've never done that before, Sean. It's a big deal, first sponsor. Bonus episode eight, I said that, I said that someone by the name of Jessica redacted and contacted 80s girls school. And file the fake HR complaint. Called that school, called the number of other schools up and down the chain, called that school, called that school, the school where she worked, called the school that feeds into that school, like the elementary school. Everybody in the system. Everybody in the system.

Some administrator, so that you had a chance to go as high as possible. Maximum amount of fuckover. This is the maximum amount that someone is able to hurt someone on their couch. And that's sadly, I don't know why this is, but this is the world that we live in, where like people have to listen to complaints instead of just saying, uh, you're crazy. Why don't you take those, yeah, take those complaints and shove them right up your ass. I can hear the crazy, I hear the fucking crazy on the phone. Because many people are stupid and the others have to pretend that they're stupid. Why don't you have to do that?

Because we serve the stupid. I see it. I don't know how this would work in my mind because I know who you're gonna let get hit by the car. Yeah. I was, I'm thinking I'm like, I gonna let get hit by the car. Yeah. I was, I'm thinking I'm like, I'm totally on board with that. Of course. Let everyone is. Somebody on Twitter is like, are you sure you want to be admitting to murder?

I'm like, I would've thought of the ambulance. It's not, I don't know. I don't know what you expect me to do in that situation. Yeah. We're better off without that guy. Well, sadly, he's still, he's still jiving around across crosswalks. Then he'll day Sean on the shirt. Then it'll happen to him eventually.

You know what it won't. That's the, it won't. I don't know. I don't know how the odds will increase that it will happen to him as opposed to somebody like you who would fucking pay attention to the light. Well, I'd be texting to be fair. I'm probably, I've been hawked at it plenty of times. I'm trying to help.

That's why I don't know how it works. It's like, because I want to go around and just stamp a big eye for idiot on everybody's forehead, like, or digitally imprint their voice in some way so that the phone picks up its damage and says, oh, warning, this person is an idiot. And that's also not to say that life isn't a bunch of dumb fucking luck, too.

That's because you can do everything, quote unquote, right? Have nothing to show for it. Do a bunch of shit wrong? Have everything to show for it. Chad, you're just maybe the odds are a little different, but it happens. Yeah. Anyway, this girl, mental Jessica, Jessica, redacted at the time. She calls up 80s girl school and says, I should get the whole complaint, but it's, she's crazy, she shouldn't be around. Kids, she's bipolar, like this,

a rambling paragraph of nonsense, of something that like would immediately trigger someone to say what the hell is this person calling the like what is this a the girls first parents the the secretary or the the office ladies first question what are you a parent no well then what the fuck are what is the concern said is a man yeah talking about eighties girls has a podcast with her boyfriend first of all all, this is the dick show. There will never, no girlfriend will ever be on the dick show

because I hate when comedians bring their girlfriends along for the ride. No offense to anybody, that's just not my style. Yeah, no, it's true. It's like watching a buck. Like if I see a comedian bring, like all the sudden, their girlfriends out there at the same, like even Jimmy Kimmel used to do that.

We Sarah Silverman would come on and they'd do their cute little thing together. And I would think this is degenerate. What are you doing? Why don't you just show us a sex tape? You sick perverts, you sick preverts. I'd rather see the cat lady up there. I'd rather see Steve and his fur orgies than this.

You tricked me. I came here for wholesome comedy, and you tricked me with this relationship, disgusting. Get it out. Get rid of it. So I'll never do it. Never. Never will I do it.

Never. This is all my show, all the time, every time. And she got top billing. Girlfriend and Dick show all the time every time and she got top billing Girlfriend and dick show what the hell if anything. It's the other way around Max anyway maximizing the damage right calling school ones one school next school next school sure So I tell that story on the year and I think That's all I can do. That's all I can do is talk about what's happening.

Like I don't, I don't think plans through very far because I don't think there's a point to doing that. There's a lot of truth to that. Yeah. There's a lot of truth to that because something changes beyond your control and all those plans you made are right out the window. It's like, and you'll only drive yourself crazy with that internal anxiety. I wish I should have.

I should have. I should have. I should have wasted time. Can't see it coming. A good gunslinger isn't one who aims very well. It's a guy who can just pop off as many shots as well, even though that's totally a myth, what I'm describing about a high noon showdown, like the magical allegory that I'm describing in my mind doesn't fit another metaphor that I'm,

it doesn't matter, but what I'm saying is, you gotta get good at shooting it from the hip, not at aiming, because the aiming never works. You aim at somebody, the guy, somebody's gonna jump out in front. No, like Kevin Costner. No, don't shoot. We're secretly gay and I love this gunslinging man in the wild west.

I'm like, well, I never saw that coming. His horse is gonna run out. Somebody's gonna be dangling carrots and his horse is gonna run across and knock him over. Never would have seen that coming, but boy, my aim was right on. I should win an award for a amount of aim that I had on this guy on black Bart on mathematics the Bob a Duke and court I should I should win a fucking award for how well I pointed this thing at this guy No Doesn't work then he falls over bloom accidentally shoots you

Where'd all that aim go all that time all that wasted time aiming Sean you just got to go blah, blah, blah, blah. Right from the hip, pop, pop, pop, pop, that's what I'm doing. Right out, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Don't even count, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. There will be plenty of bullets. Something will happen if it's meant to be, Sean. If it's meant to be, maybe the guy will just have a heart attack. Look, it's so freaked out, because of your display of machismo.

You can't play it for anything. That's what I'm saying. So I get on the show and I say what happens. This is what happened. And afterwards, many people have told me to get a restraining order because of all like the, all the, all the dicklines shit and all the, you know, harassing people to work on this show and harassing my job and pay a train. I was like, we gotta get a restraining order.

So my thoughts are, man, I don't know. Like, yeah, maybe you're right, but it sounds like a lot of fucking work. I gotta go, you gotta understand something like, if you're gonna do anything, legally, you gotta take like a half a day off work. Oh, I would think, nothing is ever easy. Sean, and this is, now I've got, I've got only so much to spare every day. Yeah. I can't spend half of that ass,

at downtown filling out forms. I gotta be thinking about forms and shit. Give me a fuck, give me a break. I can't spend half of that ass downtown filling out forms. I gotta be thinking about forms and shit. Give me a fuck, give me a break. I can't do this, but that I'll change when they started fucking with her. Yeah, because I think outside the bounds. This is, no, this is off limits.

Oh yeah. Like I can't go in and explain about a podcast. And this, yeah, this podcast happened in this, and that's, it sounds, what do you think, like a 65 year old judge thinks, where it's like, wait, wait, are you guys in the fucking sandbox, a podcast? What the heck are you talking about online?

What do you guys like aliens? Is this about aliens? What do you like? Cabbage Patch Kids? What are you talking about a podcast? Are you finishing for crops? What are you talking about? But when it crosses over into the real world, he can probably, he or she can probably understand,

I think you said he called the school. Yeah, that's she, you call the school. This is something that, that is what this system is designed to do, correct? Correct me if I'm wrong, correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe the system is made to protect people like me. Yeah, that's just what I think. I don't know why I think that, but I always have. There's probably a lot of other people that think that, but whenever I get involved with

it, I think, I'm going to get fucked over on this one, but that's okay. You guys fuck me over all the time. Anything when it comes to fines, fees, anything like that? Yeah. I always believe I will lose because I have always lost. Yeah. Because it's, I think that it was designed to do that. Oh, there's no doubt about it.

Yeah. When I know that the city of Los Angeles gets 20% of its revenue from citations. Yeah. Like, hmm. This is, it's not designed to protect me. I'll just go, go, but her think definitely designed to protect you. You can't, there's no way, somebody, there's no fucking way. Somebody can call up your school and try to get you fired.

So I say, babe, that's just, we gotta do, you gotta get a restraining order. Because this shit, remember in the episode, I said, I said the threat was sent. Like, we'll do this. We're gonna call yours, unless Dick stops talking. We're gonna call your school. We're gonna call everybody involved in your school. And you're making the connection, it's her.

We're gonna call the parents that work. We're gonna go down the list and basically try to ruin your life over something you can't fucking control, right? I just say, we gotta stop this. Even though it's a pain in the ass and nobody wants to deal with it, we got to take a day off, fill out the forms and stop this shit, right? If for nothing else than to show like there are repercussions at some point, yes. Like at some point you go too far and there's something in place that stops you from doing that.

But when a cop shows up at your door, or when Sheriff shows up at your door, saying, hey, you're getting a restraining order served on your ass. They have to do that in person, right? You gotta be served in person. Yeah, so it's like we should make a cop do it. Well, that be served in person. So there's no misunderstanding.

I'm talking to you, I'm handing you this. This says you cannot do what you are doing. Yeah. So we go there. Our 80s girl goes there, fills out all the forms. You know, there's, it's impossible to navigate. No idea. Nothing is written in a way that's easy to understand. There's no like flow chart or anything like that. And everything is set around domestic violence, of course, because that's the world that we're in. Yeah, just partners beating the hell out of each other

all the time, all the time. And we're supposed to arbitrarily pick wind of intervene and say, well, I guess this has been going on forever, but you know what, we're getting involved now. We're gonna have a big kangaroo court for him. We got a bunch of forms to fill out, and this is gonna somehow stop this. Yeah.

She goes, fills it out. Fills out all the forms and says, says, okay, what do we do? What happens? What happens now? And the girl says, the girl at the office, and she filled it out says, well, you fill this out, and then a judge sees it, and I'll sees it and they give you a temporary order.

So this person doesn't execute the rest of their plan, right? Which is continued calling. Yeah. No, but the judge has to basically decide based on the, she has to submit some sort of evidence or something. Yeah, which is basically all of the evidence I was talking about on that. Sure, sure. I mean, it on that. Sure, sure, sure.

I mean, it's documented. So there's plenty there to say that this person is doing this. Yeah. So, so 80s girls says, what's going on? They say, well, we're gonna look at all this and a judge is gonna look at it

and then there's gonna be a court hearing. You're gonna get a temporary order to protect you immediately in case this happens again. So she walks out of there with a temporary order? Yes, however. Even though a judge hasn't looked at it yet. A judge has looked at it. There's a judge sitting there that takes you in quickly

and says, yeah, that's good. Because you can't just go in and just get, like, I can't go in there and go, no. Sean left me to handle all the audio by myself and didn't give very good instructions to Johnny who's filled in. I need a temporary restraining order on him immediately. Like I can't do this as a joke.

And then you come around and I call the cops on you to be funny, but then they'll further review and see if it sticks. Well then they set up a court hearing or whatever. Okay. So the other side can defend themselves. Sure, because you have a right to face your accuser. I guess, I don't know.

I don't know. It's just something I've heard. Sean, you got to be careful making up legal terms. I've realized. It sounded good, though, didn't it? Like last week I said, I was talking about mental gests being guilty of criminal shit. That was not, it's not criminal.

Okay, it's civil. Okay. Civil. I didn't, see, I figure, I always thought that like civil normally involved like money being the penalty and criminal involves possible prison time. Well, I figure, and money, if a cop or a judge slap

gives you a big bundle of paperwork that says you fucked up, I figure that's a crime. Yeah. I figure that you did a crime. Right. That's all. Okay. Like, when you do something that I wouldn't do, because I'm like, wow, that's fucked.

I just internally think that that was a crime that you did. Yeah. You know? Because you know, like the three things that you did that were lesser than that are definitely crimes. Right. Yeah, I know that I do crimes all the time. So if people are doing things that I think,

whoa, that's wrong, I think that's got to be like a super crime or something. Yeah. Like this has got to be, this has got to be way, way illegal. Turns out, but it turns out I don't know. Okay. I don't know these things. That's why if you're going to court,

you need a lawyer and if you do, you should go to the Goldstein Law Group and email dictial lawyer at gmail.com. Keanu Magano will help you out. Who's here in the Goldstein Law Group and email dicksho lawyer at gmail.com. Kean Magganya will help you out, who's here in the studio today, in case I fuck up while I'm telling this to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the judge, if you get a temporary restraining order,

will award it, and then you have a court date that you have to set. Now here's where, here's where the worst fucking thing, maybe the worst, there was a week of my life where I was at an absolute despair over this, over what happened next. 80s girl goes to get this temporary restraining order to start the process of protecting herself, which she should, which everyone should in this situation.

Right. And she tells the girl at the, at the place, at the court place. I'm not even gonna pretend like I know the names. I'll just call them the thing in a place. I'm on this show, I'm only gonna use the 1000 most commonly used words ever. Okay. So a thing in a place and a paper lady.

So she goes and gives the papers to the paper lady at the law place. Okay. And the lady says, well, when can you go to court? And 80's girls says, not on this day, every other day, but this day, right here. And the girl looks at her computer and says, that's the only day we have available. She says, we're going to give you that day. Yeah.

And 80's girls says, no, don't. Like, I'm telling you, you have, you have it in your power right now to not do that. And the girl says, with an at, with the amount of ass, so small that you can't even see it, Sean. Yeah.

Almost not even half-ass, but no-ass. The Libertarian philosophy-ass. A government bureaucracy-ass. The libertarian philosophy ass. A government bureaucracy ass. I mean, these people are putting in so little ass that sometimes you don't even know if they did any work. There's nanowass.

Yeah, you don't know if you think was this even, was there any ass put into this? You slice the ass so thin I can't even see it. I just assumed that you put some ass into it, but maybe I'm wrong. Am I hallucinating? Just this clerk. Yeah, maybe you didn't do anything. Maybe you didn't do any ass at all. She says, don't worry, ma'am. Once mental justice served, you can change the date. No problem. It's absolutely no problem at all. Well, I'm sure that that is not true since she said no problem at all. If it won't sure that that is not true, since she said no problem at all.

If it won't even be, you just log in to our website and you just click, that can't get. Oh, those governments say they work so flawlessly, don't they? Actually, you just text. You text the government. Oh yeah. The government on your phone and you just type out,

I wanna change my court date. And then they've got a big computer that parses it out and solves all of your problems. Yeah, and I'm sure the computer model, you look on there and it has like green text. Yeah, that's what they're using. Like the matrix. Yeah.

No problem at all. Don't worry about doing that. So. But we got brand new furniture for the whole place instead of upgrading our computer systems. Oh, we got brand new furniture. we got brand new furniture for the whole place, instead of upgrading our computer systems. Oh, we got brand new furniture. We got brand new furniture, because that's like how we budget things

and a government bureaucracy. Hey, I don't know, man. If it, if it's, if it's not broken, don't fix it. Like I, I would prefer that they didn't have any computers at all. It was never not broken. Yeah, that's true. Um, so, eighties-year AIDS girl thinks, oh, okay. I mean, this is, what do I talk?

Who do I ask? Who do I verify this with God? Like, well, you're telling me, you got no reason to lie. I gotta go back to work, because I'm already, and this is the worst fucking part. This is her job is such, like every day is precious.

Every day off, like most people, you take a day off under the red of death, right? Like, I'm not gonna show up today. That's not what happens in the teaching world. You understand? Cause there's like a whole, then they gotta bring in somebody else. And you gotta write a lesson,

you gotta write a plan for them while they're filling in for you. Blah, blah, blah. She was like, oh, okay. I guess that's how it works. I don't know, I've never done this before cause I'm just a person who's being nice and obeying the law, obeying all the laws.

So I don't know how the fuck this works. So, mental Jess gets served. all the laws. So I don't know how the fuck this works. So mental Jess gets served. A's girl waits the time, the amount of times you're supposed to wait before she's able to change the date. I would have really liked to see that. The serving? Yes. Yeah, me too. Monday morning. Yeah. Have that ever happened to you? Have you ever been served? No.

No. Neither. I'm the one who knocks. Yeah. Gotta be wake up, call, right? Sobring, you'd think. Sit in there. So it's all fun and games.

Depends who it is. What if it's the sheriff? No, no, no, no. Depends who the person is who's being served. Hmm. What if it was you? If it was me since I have some sense of introspection, I would immediately think, well, fuck,

I must have done something. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Me too. But not everybody's like that. Yeah. Not everybody's like that.

So he's got weights and calls in to see how she can go about moving the court date. And they say, oh, what are you nuts? Yeah, you can't move court date. Cops just, it's all in the system. This is like a cement tablet here. Can't just change it.

What are you talking about? But the lady said, the lady said, she didn't even work here. She was wrong. K. Yeah. So, so that's it.

And the fact that she was wrong, like she'll never get told that she was wrong, until the day that she retires, she'll keep saying that. And it'll still be wrong and no one will ever fix that. What does it matter? It's, you don't get a do over.

Like, well, can you just like, can you just change it because it's your fuck up? Oh no, you're mistaken. The government doesn't fuck up. Right. You're right. Of course, of course not. This is now permanent.

So I very quickly accelerate through the five stages. Why did I think that I could possibly wag the most retarded dog in the world? Why did I? We're talking a Dalmatian. Yeah. Why did I think this would work out? I quickly accelerate to the acceptance phase

of the five stages of death. And I watched because he got, stupid me. I thought for a minute that, I got through him real quick. Like, oh, yeah, what are they? Yep, anger. Yeah, I got it. Yep, I go through. It's like every time something bad happens to me,

I go through like a, what is that heroin shootup scene in Pulp Fiction? Yeah, that works. But I think his memoirs of a dream, is that Requiem for a Dream? Is that when they're shooting up heroin? And it's like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, yeah, I go through the anger.

I'm like, yep, I imagine, you know, strangling, burning buildings, blowing up, and then it's just me and a huge, and a fiery mess with people like with the Dixho logo, like a huge army of Dixho, and I was like, okay, yeah, everyone paid for what they did to me. That's a step one anger, like, baby, baby, what's the second one? Denial?

Maybe that one's first. I'm like, well, this isn't happening. Surely we can, surely we can just talk or out of it. And it's like me trying to negotiate right up and right up until the last minute, like, no, man, you fucked. Like, okay, done that one, done the anger, bargaining, like, well, you know, maybe if I can plug your court system on my show, you guys can cut me some side.

No, that's not gonna work. Boom, acceptance. All right, we're fucked. I go to the courthouse and I talk to the, whatever, the clerk or whoever is saying, hey, this happened and she goes, oh yeah, you're fucked. Okay, cool. So we're just fucked, that's it. And the amount of despair attached to that is difficult to describe. Hmm.

Because I know, I know that bad people will fuck up every once in a while and they're like the Borg. They never fuck up in that way again. You see? And I've already talked about it all. once in a while and they're like the Borg, they never fuck up in that way again. You see? And I've already talked about it all. So they'll never fuck, they'll keep doing what they're doing. Maddox, mental just they'll keep doing what they're doing,

but they will never fuck up in that way as the same time. Just different plan of attack. Just different plan of attack and not the same fuck up again in the fuck up. The fuck up of being tricked into giving her name over was key to the whole key to stopping the harassment. Well, sure.

You understand? Because otherwise, you're behind seven proxies. Everybody's perfectly safe. How are you going to stop them in this digital world where you can do and say whatever you want and for some insane reason, for some insane reason, companies, organizations, any kind of collective community of human beings will take any, they'll put the suggestion box out on the front door and anything that comes in there, they'll treat seriously.

Yeah. Even though this person has done nothing for them nothing hey, I gotta Hey, I'm calling into I gotta complaint about you got a complaint shove it up your ad no shove it take it out of your ass shove it down your throat and fucking choke on it you do nothing for us I have one interaction with you and it's been a pain in the ass already. You're trying to make me do work Fuck you. You got to complain. Go somewhere else. Go straight to hell. Go get a canoe. Row out into the ocean and never come back because you're what's wrong with America. Stop fucking

complaining. But for some reason Sean, we just take all companies. Every single organization is tripping over themselves to fix the squeakyest wheel. And that's another thing that fucking pisses me off is the entitled mentality people have. It's really, it's starting hearing, complaining about anything, striving me crazy. Oh, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, Twitter, this person is making fun of me. This person's hurting my feelings. Can you do something about it? Yep.

What do you mean, yep? You guys are stock prices in a fucking toilet. What are you doing? Every, but every single company, every single, every single organization, they hear one complaint. Yeah. Oh, well, we gotta listen to this. Why?

Just tell him to go hang. Tell him to go fuck themselves. Anyway. There's nobody there trying to parse like what's a legitimate complaint that could injure the company and what is not. None of them are. No, I don't think that exists. I don't think that exists. I don't think that position exists. So there we were.

It must though, for these multi-billion dollar corporations. What? They have to, there has to be somebody, there has to be a department there that figures out, like, you know, legally, where they kind of like measure the odds. If this thing, plus B plus C is less than, I mean, yeah.

How much shit can these people stir up and what's it gonna impact on our bottom line and that kind of stuff? Yeah, I don't know. I was just screaming about nothing, I guess. It's just very frustrating. So there we were at the, what are we, the azimuth, the lowest, the lowest low point.

You're gonna get a phone call if you miss your word. That's not word. Yeah, I know. Low point of the story. And it was, I think it was a Saturday. We were recording an episode, the next episode later at night. And I'm trudging, crawling through the voicemails.

Trying to find, you know, the spiciest voicemails. Trying to get me out of my funk. Yeah. Because I was pissed. I was pissed and I was being an asshole that night. You, 80s girl, you agree? Yeah, I was definitely being an asshole. It's so devastating to just see everything unravel over an idiot.

Yeah. And knowing the whole time, knowing full well, if only, if only, you can't, you can't, what did Einstein say? Human stupidity is the only thing infinite is human stupidity in the universe. I think it's universe in human stupidity and I'm not sure about the former. Because it really is, all of life comes down to just constantly cup checking everybody who's doing anything around you at all times. And you know when she tells you, oh yeah, no, you can just totally log into our system.

He's like, you gotta be thinking, there's no way that's true. No possible way that's true. I know that's bullshit because it sounds too easy and nothing with you people is ever easy. Nothing's ever easy. And I know you don't know what you're talking about. A one step or two step problem takes five.

So I get a voicemail. I'm even kicking back a cocktail because I'm so pissed off. I'm angrily drinking, which I rarely do. Angry drinking, because I don't like it. I think drinking should be a happy celebration. Yeah. I don't like angry drinking.

I don't like angry drunks. It's too much. Yeah intense Drinking is is a time to let go. Yeah, time to celebrate the good things in life like liquor and other types of liquor. Yeah But I'm drinking angrily this night when I'm listening to these voicemails and I get what do you drink when you're angry drink? Same thing is always I just ski right. I don't know. Yeah. Is it a different glass like you anger drink? Same thing's always whiskey, I don't even, is it a different glass, like an anger glass? Anger glass, it's in a black, yeah, it's in a mug. It's in a coffee mug, so my hand doesn't heat up the liquor,

as I'm sitting there, vibrating and stewing in my own fury. So I get a call from, I get a voicemail, it starts at duskly. Hey, I know that guy you're talking about, the bouncer, Tommy, the kung fu guy, in Pasadena. And the guy says, yeah, you're still a bouncer, at that same place, how about that?

Never thought, how weird that you mentioned that guy, right? Sean, this is what I'm saying. You can spend your whole life learning how to aim, but who could predict that connection? Oh yeah, it's a guy I studied kung fu with in a parking lot. 10 years ago, guy listening this show, here's a call's in, next message from the same guy. Hey, stop me if I'm out of line,

but hey, I'm a lawyer. Oh, is he the caller? Yeah, oh no shit. If you got any problem, hey, my name's jerk McCock. I'm a lawyer. Hey, is he the caller? Yeah. Oh no shit. If you got any problem, hey, my name's jerk McCock. I'm a lawyer. Hey, this is jerk McCock. Bearing McCock and I'm a lawyer. If you got any problems with like restraining orders

or anything. Yeah. What the hell? Give me a call, I'll do it for free. And I, There's no better listeners than this show. No, I look like every hair, even describing this story,

all the hair on my skin is standing on end, and I'm like, I turned to A's girl, and I'm like, did you fucking, did you hear that? So I play it again, and it's A, this is jerk McCog. I'm a lawyer, you ever get, I'm like, you gotta be fun, I write, I write. You gotta get me my happy drinking glass. Yes, I get rid of this mug.

Get rid of this mug, you get me my happy drinking glass, which is much finer than most the thinnest glass possible. Layout my formal sweats. I need a wardrobe chain. Instantly, I need my silk robe. I need my thin, my angel's breath thin whiskey glass. So much that I don't even wanna feel the glass. I want to think that the whiskey is floating in the air

and I'm just licking it right off of an imaginary liquor snatch. There's no, it's not even, there's no such thing as gravity in this liquor world that I'm spinning out of. And eighties goes as well. I mean, it's, his name's Jerk Mkach. Are you sure you serious? Yeah.

I said honey, I know, I've heard a lot of crazy voicemail. I know crazy. Like I said the other week, you play me one note. I know, I know everything about this guy is fucking serious is cancer. I guarantee you this guy serious. Like, I'm gonna call. See, hey, hey, is this jerk McCock? And he goes, no.

And I said, okay, let me ask that again. This is Dick Masterson. Is this jerk McCock? And he goes, oh, oh, uh, oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, what's up? And I'm like, what's, what's up, man? So he thought the other guy was a creditor. Yeah, what did you think? Sometimes I get a joke phone calls from people.

Oh, like people calling themselves jerk McCock? Yeah, yeah. I call him E. Jerk McCock. Okay. Say, say, hey, I need help. I really need fucking help. And I told the story this far. I'm like, yeah, we're fucking bond.

We're completely, completely fucking bond. No, there's no recourse. Like if you can't make that court date, then do you have to go file another bad thing to happen? Oh shit. That's why it's so, that's why I'm saying the Borg thing is so hard because to learn, to learn to not, like that was a big fuck up. Yeah. Okay, and keep in not, like that was a big fuck up. Yeah.

Okay, and keep in mind, people do horrible things constantly on a continuum of horrible things. That's my opinion. If you're like, I mean, look at it this way. If you're, if you Sean, if you're girlfriend popped in and said,

Hey, I just got this bitch fired. I called her work and made, and said she's like selling, doing all, it's just making shit up. What the hell would you do? I would say, bitch, get the fuck out of him. Are you kidding me? That's crazy. Get the fuck out of my house.

Yeah, you know she's just making shit up. Yeah, it's insane. What do you do? When I, like, there's, I woke up one time. I forget where I met this girl, it doesn't matter. I woke up and she goes, oh, who's who's Antoinette on your phone? Because I couldn't help going through your phone last night. I found you texting.

Do you have anything to say about this girl that you're flirting with on your text? And I said, get the bitch. Get the fuck out of my fucking house. Are you hitting me? Are you, do you see how deranged you are? You're insane. You're insane. Get insane. Fuck out of my house.

But that's not what's going on over there. Yeah. See? So, jerk McCogg says, yeah, come in in the office. Come in tomorrow. Oh, he's saying, okay, great, yeah. Let's, there's, let's do it. Let's try it.

We're fucked. We're already. Things can't get any worse. Yeah. Let's, let's do it. Let's try it. We're fucked. We're already. Things can't get any worse. Yeah. So we show up. We go to the office. This beautiful, beautiful office, beautiful office,

and a penthouse, and Hollywood. Sean, I'm talking, you know me and my money game, I'm thinking this is, there's, this art on the the wall here's gotta be worth 20, 30 grand a pop. This art that I'm seeing, this pop art, that's, I mean, you know a lawyer is good if their art is expensive in their office. I don't know if you know that, but that's a good way to know that.

Okay. This is the rent on this place. It's gotta be, the rent on this place has gotta be $15,000 a month. So this is something's good as going on. This guy, this lawyer, this beautiful man greets us at the door and I shit you not. He is like a mix of hunter-hurst Helmsley and Fabio. He's the size of a tree. Yeah. He's the, this man is the size of a tree that looks like a professional wrestler

with the triangular muscular body of of some of a generation of men that have passed from this earth long ago the ones that built stonehenge in the pyramids these people the half alien half men hybrids This is what this person looks. I say there's no possible way that people could be this size, but he's just striking and a way that's larger than life, but right in front of me. And I think everything's going to be fine. Just quickly to interrupt, ladies, after hearing that description,

I am single and you can email me at date.dickshowloy at gmail.com. That series, although I'm sure I'm just going to get a bunch of pictures. You're only.com. That series, although I'm sure I'm just gonna get a bunch of pictures. You're only gonna get traps. No, I'm gonna get like a story. I'm gonna get like a coconut bra, what I'm gonna get. Chelsea's gonna hit you up.

All of the traps, all of the Dicks Show traps are gonna hit you up, which is weird that we have so many of them. Listen to his voice though. The calming soothing voice. You're now's good voice. Yes, maybe better, maybe sexier than Larry's. Anyway, I'd be fighting words.

He walks us, the lawyer walks us through, you know, what your options are. And at this, you know, at this point, I don't know if any of it's relevant because he's not my lawyer at this point, you understand? He's 80's girl's lawyer, because it's her case. Yeah.

Right. Walking through, walking through the entire history of everything. He goes, yeah, okay, yeah, I can get, I can get this moved. Or I'll try to get this, this court date moved. Yeah. And then I'm put together a case because, you know, who knows what their side's going to bring in, right? Well, yeah, because of the issue

that you're going to court for in the first place, so the rules are out the window. Yeah, rules are out the window. You can bring in whatever you want. It's up, I guess it's probably up to the judge to go loot a Chris, no. Yeah, and it could be, you know, it could be a lawyer defending it.

Yeah, it could be just mental chess. If you don't know, I'm gonna make an airtight case here. Whole ass. Please tell me, ass in a half. Please tell me there's no lawyer on their side. No. They, Keon gets the date moved. Like a feeling of relief that I can't even explain.

It's like we're alive again. Like you understand, this is gonna work. The system is gonna work for once and it only takes 50,000 people. And all it takes is for me to scream about it for hours and hours and hours, but it's gonna work. It's for the first time ever, it's gonna work. It's for the first time ever. It's gonna work. It's gonna work for us.

The system works for you if you have a popular podcast at the moral of this story. Otherwise, otherwise you're totally fucked. The system doesn't work. So everybody start your Patreon's, get your material together. You may need a lawyer one day. And if you do, talk to Keon Mugani at the Goldstein Law Group,

a Dixiel lawyer at gmail.com. Keon gets the court date moved somehow. Yeah, legal magic. No, yeah, that's fine. Okay, somehow. He probably like Johnny, legal magic. Legal magic. He shows up and just does like,

he comes in with an iPad of Hunter Hurst Helmsley doing what's his move? I don't know. I wish his theory is he just clicks play and every time the judge asks questions like play and it's Hunterhurst Helmsley doing elbow drops and pile drivers and shit like that And he goes all right. It's time for time for time for the time for the big case time for the big time for the big time for the big show. So We go to court. I already mentioned this last week 80s girl and I walk into the the halls of justice down at Stanley mosque and We see mental just there. Okay, okay And we see all Maddox

Slappily walking toward us. And she goes, what are you gonna do if you see him? And I was like, oh, I don't know. I'll let the great magnet decide. And I see him, I see him coming at us in the black jeans and the shoes that have curled up on the end. You know, when a guy has shoes that are not the right size and they're very cheap and they start, the toes start curling up like an elf, like elf the movie with Will Ferrell.

You know guys that, I've seen like, because they've never, because first of all, they weren't expensive shoes to begin with. And they've never worn them. Yeah. Because believe it or not, before I met Maddox, he didn't have a single pair of nice shoes. No. First time we went out, I had to make him go buy nice shoes that could be worn out Cuz Socrates didn't have nice shoes. I don't know

See him coming and I just can't I see the long sleeve shirt and the paisley the purple vest and I can't stop Just fucking laughing I look I'm looking at him, right? Looking far away as you and me, looking right in the eye. What are you still, you're still fucking up. Just like the, and he gives me the, well, looking up, looking down, looking up, looking down, looking up, looking at her, looking down,

looking up, looking like the look of a, the look of someone who can't, who it pains them to look at you in the eye. Are you in the courtroom right now? Are you in the hall? Just walk and buy in the hall. Oh, so you're passing each other and passing each other in the hallway?

Oh, cause you're not standing. No, no reason to look down though. No reason. Yeah, I knew it. I knew coming in that you wouldn't be able to do it, but there you are on your own without without any Facebook shit, without any Twitter shit, without any reporting tools to report me in real life for looking at you cross, for laughing, for making a mockery of the giant

fucking joke you've become. You don't have that in real life. It's just looking right in the eye. Couldn't couldn't look me back in the eye. I got, that's it. My, that's all I wanted out of today. That's all I can get out of today. So we go.

System works for you. System works for me. Now, court is something else. I wasn't, I was in court briefly to do the group swearing because we're a species of complete animals and monsters, so they do this thing where they make everybody raise their hand for no reason and have them swear to tell the truth.

Yeah, which is just preposterous. Like everybody raise your hand and swear to tell the truth. Why? Like if, no fingers crossed, no takesy-backsy, no. Everybody raise your hand and swear to tell the truth. Why? Like, if... No fingers crossed, no. Let's take C-backsies, no. You know half the people here are lying.

Yeah. Half and half is low estimate, because you know both sides are probably, it's court. This whole process, this whole building exists because what you're asking is not true. And you're doing it anyway. What's that, but, you know, I'm not podcasting at the moment, so I just do, yeah, oh yeah. By asked by maybe a guy who's muscular than Keon, this is the Baylif, this black dude,

had arms, Sean, that were about the size of a telephone pole. One of those guys whose face has muscles. Yeah, he looked like he was poised like a bulldog at all times. I don't know what, maybe this is like an especially dangerous courthouse, but he was in there like a full on like a black bulldog. Is that offensive? Am I allowed to say that again? No, because everybody was like a bulldog stance.

Yeah, that's like, yeah, they're like ready to go. They're kind of bow legged. Like, because of so many muscles. Because his arms are so big. Yeah. Like he could have, he could have, he's so many muscles. Because his arms are so big. Yeah. Like he could have, he could have, he's probably the only guy in the world who could rip his shirt off and actually rip through the collar. Instead of cutting the collar first, which everybody else has to do.

And they don't tell you that. So guys go to rip their shirt off and then they got the little collar on the egg, they look real stupid. Now it's a stupid cape. Yeah. Now you look like you got too drunk and like got your shirt caught in the door. Yeah, you don't look tough at all. So Mr. Muscles is there, swearing us in.

And at that point, I had to leave the room because it's not about me. Cause the case isn't about me. So I go out. So yeah, so you know, you're instructed to leave the room. Yeah, okay. People, only people who are directly involved. Directly involved. So I go out into the room. Yeah, okay. People, only people who are directly involved. Directly involved.

So I go out into the hall and sit next to the door, sit on the bench. Maddox is crossed from me, big muscle, muscle, mayor of muscle towns right next to me. And then, lo and behold, who do I see? Older guy with Maddox and I think no fucking way. He's got a lawyer. No. No. Mental Jess is dad. And I look at him as Maddox is telling him I can hear it just barely out of your shot. I can hear that fucking voice piercing through my brain, like a, like a Vietnam flashback. I'm drowning on and on and he's telling this guy, well, I have no control. I have no control over what people do and what my fans do and that's the man.

I just, people expect me to say something about it, but I can't say. Over Sean, like, I'm watching this older guy soak this in and just seeing a sad, sad look on his face. And it hits me in that moment, oh my God. This is your daughter doing this. You're here for support, but you don't support what she did. And I feel an overwhelming sense of fuck. Like, brutal. That this poor guy is dragged out to court.

Now keep in mind, they could have just not shown up. They could have just not shown up and took a loss. Now, you don't show what you did, what you did, what's being said. You did it. Just take the order. Take the, like, just take it.

You fucked up. You fucked up in this world. Take the restraining order. Yeah, you got called on it. No reason to show up and defend yourself, because you did it. It's not like you're getting additional punishment by admitting that you're guilty.

Just don't show up and take it. No results are the same, just don't do it again. Just don't do it again. Learn your lesson and save everybody some time. It opted not to do that. Yeah. So I'm looking, I'm watching Maddox try to fucking sell this guy on his philosophy on life, right?

This poor fucking guy who's, it's like, it's your, this is Father's Day, this is your kid, at some point it's hands fucking off. You can't control what they do. Just I'm saying the look of, like the look of resignation in the guy's eyes, I was not expecting that day. I was expecting to get nothing but hate and aggression and closing the ranks, circle the wagons.

This is my kid and you're not gonna say anything like this. they're totally, anything that they do and say is right. That's what I was expecting. But what I got was a guy who's like, I mean, at one point he gave us this look from the other side of the aisle, just a shrug that said, like, you know, I get it. I believe me, I get it. That's what I got out of it. That's what I got out of that look was, eh, what the fuck, what can you do? Like the month, so anyway. I'll tell you what they could have done. Comes time to the case, right?

Oh, there's a curve ball. When it comes time to the mental gests versus 80s curve case, mental gests to defend yourself. So they drop, they drop a defense of mental gest that is about, it's about a half inch in thickness. Wow. This document, this court document,

about a half inch, I don't think I'm exaggerating. They drop this document that's heard defense and they come running out of the court saying, well, we've got in order to submit this into court, it's got to be filed in the public records. You understand. So now it's inadmissible. It's made a mis, I've seen law in order. So now instead of just not showing up, there is a public fucking document of the insanity

of the defense of this cage which begins with, yes, I made the call. Yes, I made the call and it was in good faith. And then Sean, I shit you not. It's 80 pages of shit that I have tweeted and said. It is a full on like justification of retribution against me. Yeah, by aiming the rifle at her. Her. In good faith. I made the call that was in good faith,

but here's a book of shit that her boyfriend has been making fun of us for. So Sean, all public. I'm completely within my rights to totally fuck up someone's life. All public record I'm saying. I'm telling you. I can't even. I'm gonna try to get a copy, because it's got, it's filed. All public record I'm saying. I'm telling you. I can't even. I'm going to try to get a copy because it's

got is filed. Yeah. So I've got to go like get it and redact it. They'll like the bad parts, the parts that I don't and but I'm going to I'm absolutely going to post it. It's public record. Public fucking record. It's public fucking record. It's I promise you it's the only thing Maddox has written in five years is this in my opinion. I'm sure that motherfucker went through and filled and wrote every single like in his fucking warped brain the same guy that thinks it's okay to punch Nazis because for some reason this is his defense of trying to get somebody fired. I don't believe for a second that mental Jess wrote it.

So because it's longer than 140 characters. That's why I think that you understand, because it didn't also include a bunch of shitty pictures of her modeling. That's why I don't think she wrote it. Like, I didn't Instagram it would. The question that, as the judge, I would look at this and I would say, uh, so what did she do to you? Oh, yeah.

As a judge, we're right back to square one what the fuck is all this shit did you call the school or not it says right here in the first thing yes you did that's it what is all this what is all the rest of the shit in the whole time now the whole time that this is transpiring well this defense is happening maddox is out there like a chicken trying to peer in through the window of the court

to see what's going on because I know him. I know in his mind he was thinking he was going to explain it all out for explain it all out. Well, you see actions. Yeah. Well, and ask his ass and nine questions. That's point. Oh, well, you know, you see, you're actually,

it's actually, I don't know, you're on it. If you ride a bicycle, but I'm a fellow bicycle rider and the thing is that we're protecting, I know what's going through his mind. Is he sitting there two feet away from me, dressed like a fucking mortician. Bok, I mean, I know what nerves look like. I know what a guy who looks like who wants to get in there.

Right? Like, like. I know what a guy who looks like who wants to get in there, right? Like, like, trying to hold a stereos and war the fanboys back. Like, he's trying to peck bird seed off the glass. Well, the mayor of Muscle Town is just sitting there talking to, talking to mental jesus dad, who's, ugh, I don't even, like, I don't, seeing him, looks like he would want to be anyone else's dad in the world. Yeah.

Anybody else's because it's fucking embarrassing, man. You wanna go, you wanna see your kid graduate, get awarded positive things. There are parents who are only around at all because it's their child. And you have to, if you have any kind of sense of introspection, you have to go, how did they get that way? What did I do?

It's gotta be the mind. I let that, I mean, as soon as I saw him, I was like, oh, okay, I know what mom's like. Well, who knows? I mean, yeah, yeah. So I see the whole time Maddox is outside, pecking at the glass, right? I gotta get in there to bamboozle these people

and get this, and somehowcking at the glass, right? I gotta get in there to bamboozle these people and get this, and somehow get this, what, excuse? Somehow con this judge, and this is what's going through his fucking mind. He forgot to even check if he could be in there. Yeah, but if he has all the punctuation, the right place, it'll make a difference. Yeah, I gotta get this document and show it to you

because I'm sure you'll think it's funny. So he asked the mayor of Muscle Town, hey, uh, hey, I need to, do you think I could get in there to just explain some things? And the mayor of Muscle Town's talking to somebody else and he's just, no, no, no, no, you can't, no. And he goes, yeah, but, yeah, you know, it's my girlfriend in there. I don't, I feel like I could like maybe offer a, uh, there's a couple of insights and he goes, it's got nothing to do with you. Yeah. Yeah. And it sucks. Yeah, and that's when you know that like something has to sink or swim on its own merit.

Which when you can't dress it up, it's like it's, which it completely fucking sank. Obviously. Sank, sank, sank. Yeah. Sank, sank, sank so badly that I could hear the screaming outside of court. I could hear the crying and the shrieking

from outside of court, John. Are we talking figurative? I'm talking literal. Crying and shrieking. Crying and shrieking. I could hear literally because that's why I sat where I sat. So I said, oh, the great magnet's telling me to sit right here. Something funny must be what happened.

Wow. Yeah, and not because, this is my opinion, not because of a, not because of the legal ramifications. I would be crying and screaming if I got a restraining order against me too, because then I couldn't have any guns. And I would be screaming about the second amendment, like I was last week and talking about the fascism squads

that are coming for me, right? That's not why this shrieking was happening. This was shrieking done because finally, somebody had the authority to say, no, you're a fucking wrong. No, no, no. So mental chess lost. Now she got a restraining order against her. She can't be calling 80s girls school.

Did you see everyone come out of court? No, we left first. And I wanted to say, hey, thanks for the snacks. Hey, by the way, thanks for the snacks. But I didn't want to, I didn't want to force 80s girl to be in that situation anymore. Yeah. So we got our remarkable restraint, Dick. Thank you, Sean. Yeah. We got out first, and I said to Keon, I'll do, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to get you laid. I will do anything. If you ever want me to write you a wedding speech or a graduation speech, I'll do that.

I'll say I'll do anything, but if you trust me to do anything else, I'll fuck it up. I mean, you can ask me to bury a body, I'll do it, but I'm gonna have to ask it. And you're gonna get caught. Like if you ask me to do, ask me to fix your car, I can't do that. But I'll tell you that I can.

However, I cannot. I promise you that the only thing I can do is write you compelling jokes. Yeah, that I can. However, I cannot. I promise you that the only thing I can do is write you compelling jokes. Funny jokes. That's true. Yeah. That's true. You can do that. So that's what happened.

No shit. And that's the end. And you haven't heard anything else. No, what do you call it? Apple, I was on. I got a code for you. I was checking out mental justice Twitter all afterwards to see if I needed to be prepared for retaliation

or what? Yeah. Yeah. Because I know people don't stop. No, if they feel that they've been slided and there is not a chance in their mind that they're wrong or that they need to take a step back and look, there's no piece of paper, there's no judge that's going to stop them from doing that. Nope. So I was checking out a Twitter just to make sure I need to, you know, do I need to, what do I need to prepare

for? Right. And I see, I see a, I see an emotional one, I forget what it said, but then I saw the one that followed it later in the day. Can't be happy enough for all the blessed things happening in my life, all the people to care about me. Couldn't be, couldn't be happy enough for all the blessings happening in my life. All the people to care about me couldn't be, couldn't be happier with my life. And I thought, oh, that's what I want. I want the delusion to grab your brain and take you far, far away. It's, you're right. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. That's what I want.

I want that moment where people say, yeah, killing that guy in a drunk driving accident was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes, I need you to have a religious obsession with the new direction in your life. Because it's the only way that you can square with it. Yeah, you got it in your mind. Yep, take that and run with it. Yeah, and people do it your in your mind. Yep. Take that and run with it. Yeah. And

people do it because it's the only way they survive. Yeah. So I'm going to try to find those documents and bring them in because it's just because I think the defense is fucking hilarious. Very interesting. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same. You know what? If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change it the same way. Every single fuck up I had was one illustrious, was one step close to that took me closer to my success. Yeah. Shut up at us and you fucking asshole. Well, no, he said it wasn't. I, you know, every time he a failed idea, it's, you know, it took him, brought him one step closer to the right idea. Yeah, blow it out your ass. If I did it again, I just would have done the correct one the first time.

But people do, you know, people do that. Forget about, you know, inventors and stuff like that. But yeah, no, people say that shit. It's, they're just platitudes and they're things that let them live with themselves. Yeah. And I actually think that this is probably going to sink them together for the rest of their fucking lives. Like if you're Maddox, how do you explain, how do you rationalize that you got your girlfriend

nailed with a restraining order? That's the kind of thing that causes people never to break up. You know what I'm saying? Like imagine you manipulated her whatever, in my opinion, to do that. You stuck with it forever. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway. I don't know, it seems like she took the ball and ran with it. You think? Well, I mean, who knows? I mean, who do you think? Because I was get this. I was talking to the woman who worked at the school.

I mean, you think he's nudging her for every check. Hey, you need to call again. Hey, you need to. Yeah, I have no idea. I was talking to the girl who worked at the school who took the call before court. And I was like, oh, is that a weird, was that a weird call for you? They had like, do you get that a lot?

Just like, no, I don't get that a lot. No, sure. He's like, well, we did get one, one similar yesterday. This was on Tuesday morning. I asked her this and he said, oh, yeah, what was the one on, what was the one yesterday? She goes, well, someone called a man, a man called asking if we kept logs of everyone's phone number. Yeah.

Who called in? I was wondering what, you know, what's been reported. And I said, a man called asking for this. Oh yeah. What? Yeah. What was, do you remember anything about it? Do you remember the area colored, anything like that?

Cause I, I'm thinking somebody waited till the last minute to build their case. And what, it's not a woman's, it's not a woman's voice asking that, Sean, it's a man. Yeah. So who's, in my opinion, who's pulling the strings? Building, building a defense of this caliber, to what, get off of what, Scott free. Like what's the, what's defense of this caliber to what?

Get off of what? Scott free. Like, what's the, what's the, what's the guilt? What's the obligation at this point? Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, you want to talk about this fight? Thanks. I think just real quick, before we move on, I do have to say some things to satisfy the

bureaucrats at the state bar. Oh, yeah. Yeah, just to cover myself. One, if any of that sounded like a solicitation or an advertisement, it was, I'm trying to get you to pay me money to help you with your legal issues. Two, if any of that sounded like a testimonial, it was not a promise, prediction, or guarantee

of any outcome of your particular case. They're all different. Three, I'm Keon Magania, I'm responsible for this message and you can get me at, what was it? Dictuiloyergmail.com. Or if you're single, what was the one for single? Or if you're single lady, attractive, send a picture and a bio

of yourself to date Dixho. Well, picture, a whole body picture, not my space, angles, don't try to hide anything. You'll get famous. You lawyers really fuck yourselves, don't you? We do, we do. We're trying to keep ourselves fully employed by making it so that other people can really fuck with us.

Yeah. Sean cut all that shit out. And if any really funny pictures come to the date, Dicksha lawyer, all four to month a day can see if he wants to post month. Yeah, Chelsea, you heard it. You know where to send the picks now. All right. Let me get. Let me see if hysterios and let me see if his stereosis online. Oh, I think Cuck is here too. Okay, who's Cuck? War of the fanboys for some reason is named Cuck and the channel, right, right, right, okay. I don't know why that is.

Hey man, how you doing? Good, how are you doing on volume wise, Sean? Correct, a little bit. I promise my girlfriend like a fun date day to date is because yesterday I just spent all day sleeping because I'm so tired from this boxing match. So so we went to a place in Brooklyn that only serves avocado toast. Oh my God. Is it with this fucking avocado toast? Is she worth it? Is that hysterical? Is that so easy?

It's, you've seen it. Yeah. It's called avocado ria and they're like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't care about this. So you got so heated up, you and more of the fanboys got so heated up after the last show that you had to go fight at three in the morning. Yeah, I got home at 6 a.m. He showed up to the bar at 1.30 in the morning. He drove six hours to fight and fight. And I'll tell you exactly what happened.

So we're both on the Dix show last time. And he's like, I'll fight you right now. I'll fight you right now. And I'm like, no's like, I'll fight you right now. I'll fight you right now. Yeah. And I'm like, no, I don't want to fight right now. He's always audio is really bad, huh? He's moving the phone all over the place now. Yeah, we might have to do this next time. I do want to let me let me let me. I'll tell you what, let me hook up to Wi-Fi. He's one set. set. Okay. More great planning by Asterios. Yeah. He had, he literally like fought a guy in the ring because of the show, but he's too busy eating avocado bread. He can't really schedule one date.

Let me call you back from the computer. Give me one set. I'll call you right back. This is a professional comedian. Yeah, he is. War of the Fanboy sounds good. Cause he's sitting at home. I got cat the audio engineer.

Go. All right. War of the Fanboys. Can you explain the cat situation for us boys? I can't believe how indignant people are over this on a podcast which regularly features handmade dildos and transsexual furrier orgies yeah i own a catgirl sex slave is it that strange shan this is the catgirl that or the fanboys brought

to the fight she's i'm showing shana video of the fight and this girl this woman has cat ears on and has a leash in her teeth. This is what this guy brought. Well, she is she holds the leash in her teeth when I'm not available. So all this time all the slapping not known for walking on leashes. No, all the slapping and shit that we've been hearing has been him punishing his girlfriend while on the phone to the show. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. uh... not like actual gloves or training gloves that i brought but did you guys have the same size gloves we did okay because i remember that being appointed contention it's a stereo's had a lot of lost last minute points of contention with the fight did you have loaded wraps like chicken mcnugget loaded hand wraps they didn't they didn't wrap their hands at all you didn't even get the chicken nuggets before the match that's how that's how last minute so they just put the gloves on and look at this. She's sitting there.

More of the fanboys' cat friend is sitting in the ring with a visor and cat ears, meowing and hissing the whole time. Oh my god. I'm done with this shit. Is that her getting pissed off? Yeah, Mad Cux blocker. Blocked her.

Mad, hold on. Hold on. Let me talk to her. I'm more interested in her than everybody else in this. Cat girl, are you there? Yeah, I'm here, but Mad Cux had blocked me so I couldn't shine in until now. Oh, well, yeah, he did that correctly. That was, that was better to air on the side

of blocking cat women than not. So what's the deal? Are you, are they in a different place? No, I think they're in the same place. What's your, what's your deal? Why are you, why are you a cat? That's a loaded question. What do you mean?

What's my deal? Why am I a cat? Well, my, my name's Catherine. So cats are short. Okay. Why did you show up to this boxing match dressed like a cat? Let me start there. Well, I figured that, you know, a stereos is playing the dog. So I didn't up to this boxing match dressed like a cat? Let me start there.

Well, I figured that a stereosis was playing the dog, so I didn't need to play a cat. Okay. Needed a... How fival. Were you guys, were you a cat when you guys met and when you started dating, what's going on here? I mean, I've been a, I've been a catther since I was born,

so I mean, the cat just kind of evolved naturally. I'm talking about the meowing, the cat, not the Catherine part. I'm talking about the animal, the cat things that you're doing in the box. She identifies as catkin. Okay. Yeah, I worked with exotic cats for a long time. I trained Bengals and savannas and all that.

And so I just figured, you know, I should, you know, become what, you know, I've been training for years and years and years just a cat girl, I suppose. There's an animal inside each and every one of us tick. Yeah, well, you should have unleashed your animal at the fight because it looks like you got rocked. Like, I don't know. I know you guys declared it a draw, but Asterios was landing some devastating blows on you. Yeah, I mean, not much of it phased me. Asterios was definitely running out of gas there at the end. And that was sort of my plan was to outlast him

in the later matches, but it was 4 a.m. and I had about half a gallon of red bull in my stomach, so I just called it. You know, this is, so it was your decision to call the match. Cause I remember a stereo is begging for a draw for like between rounds. We're watching the video right now. I agree, I agreed to the, to the draw after two rounds with half a gallon of red bull in me.

It looks like you have a 300 pound Tasmanian devil literally throwing you around the ring. Yeah, I didn't have much defense for like the the the bear hugs and body slamming, which I wasn't expecting in the boxing match, but no, that's how it went down. I'm like, I'm trying to get a little body slam right there. All right. Kat, you're going back on mute. Ashtaria, is he there? Hey, can you hear me? Yeah, you're going back on mute. Astaria, is he there? Hey, can you hear me?

Yeah, you're much better. That's much better. Okay, guys, so let's talk about the fight. It was... I'm watching this. I'm seeing this for the first time. It was a draw, correct? So he, I think he knocked him down once with a left.

Astaria's dead? Okay, so here's the problem I have with... Oh, yeah, I mean, I definitely hit him with the back of my fist and I definitely imposed my physical will on him and knocked him to the ground four times. What is wrong with your sample rate thing about a stereo's you're on helium or something. What do you guys think? I'm just concerned that I found the real world. Yeah, it's like a weird like sample rate thing.

I can sped up and pitch down. I'm going to try one more device. I'll talk to you guys in a minute. That's way better with Ely. I thought he was as he's, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, back that up. He knocked him down again. Yeah.

Asturios, let me ask you a question. Sure. Are you actually left handed? No. No, not in any way. I just got a form. No, I just found that I had a stronger left jab than a right jab.

We just watched you do maybe the most illegal move in this fight, where you saw the back of you. Where you missed the war, the fanboys, and then spun around and backhanded him to the floor. It was like an MMA move, not a boxing move. I don't know how to score this fight because so many of Asterios' moves are illegal. No, but there were a couple legitimate knockdowns that I saw from this area. We had a referee. I mean, if he doesn't say it's illegal, then it's not illegal.

You obviously did not have a referee. There was body slam. His name was Justin. He was a super nice guy. He offered to referee. He set up the clock. I mean, I don't know how much more fish sanctioned a match you can get than an MMA gym for a boxing match for him on a Sunday. Yeah. It sounds like he moved away. He stopped doing what he was doing before. The studios. Yeah, it sounds like he moved away in the flyer. Yeah. I'm standing perfectly still. God, David. Don't worry. My source recording is fine. Yeah, but you're mixed on the same track as where the fanboys. That's the problem.

Well, can you record locally too? How much you paying me? Nothing. How much are you giving us? All right, Asterios, why don't you just call into a number on your cell phone and we can do it with Skype. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's okay.

It's okay. They're noticing how it's fine. So. Sorry, I'll just ask that. They're now asking how he's fine. So what did you change between then and now? Nothing, I'm standing perfectly still. You're fine, just talk from there. Yes. Okay, cool.

Yeah, so here's what happens. So we do the phone call to try to hype the eventual fight which dick you and I talked about being in November when both war the fanboys and my book are out. Well, I wanted to give you guys time to train so wouldn't look like a haymaker fest that lasted for a round and a half before you both fought the urge to throw up on each other. Somehow I think us throwing up on each other might have been more dignified than what you saw. Possibly, yeah. But so, but then, you know, we do the call last week

and where the fanboys is like, I'll fight you tonight. Now, here's what I know. He's not bluffing. He's a crazy guy who absolutely will fight me to naturally like, so I go, no, I don't want to do that. I want to set this up where we have like a medic and we sell tickets and we try to like do it so that if one of us gets a concussion, they don't sue the other one in the middle of a fucking MMA jamming four in the morning on Sunday, but I get all of these different're watching you rain blows hammers down on an anvil on the back of war the fanboys head

Yeah, this is fine massively illegal every single punch is totally Against the rules of boxing no, no, I even though he put his head down. Yeah, I learned later that those are called rabbit punches because Of how fast and virtuous rabbits are It's like it's one of the best punches you can throw Yeah, it's a rabbit punch to the back of the spine It's also one of the safest places you could hit someone because like you can eat someone a black guy If you hit them in the eye dick, but like the base of the spine perfect place to hit someone Sure, so that spinal fluid cushion in their spinal column. So that's boxing to you.

Well, I mean, the only, I really, I'm most of my boxing training came from watching this one cartoon where bugs, bunny, boxed, Elmer Fudd. Yeah. And I mean, I did have a dress on me to later, you know, try and go like, you who, but we never made it the third round. Oh, yeah. And why is that? Why didn't you make it the third round?

Because I don't think you over or something. No, this is between, we're watching between Round 1 and 2 right now, where War the Fanboy's Cat Girl is getting ejected for lipping off at the gym manager. What do you have to say to a gym manager at 3 in the morning to get ejected from the right? She said the worst thing that a woman could ever say to a guy. Nobody asked for your opinion. This is a man. He said, what did he say? It turns out when two guys with not very much training try to fight the guy, the bigger guy might come out on top. And she said, nobody asked for your

opinion. And everybody's asshole went, went,, when squeeze tight shut around the whole nation, Sean, it was like a disturbance in the force of men that you could feel at that moment when there's a cat woman lounging on the side of a boxing ring turned to the oven on an ottoman turned to him and says nobody asked for your opinion and everyone went, oh, this cat is about to get sprayed so that is not fine water bottle and spray this fucking cat until she climbs a roof somewhere and he i think he did either ejector there maker pay twenty bucks to get here and all i'll play right now no don't worry she didn't have twenty dollars what she did was she asked me

in the middle of a fight with her fiance if she could have 20 of my dollars So she could sit in the ring and continue to talk shit and it's like that's something I would expect out of a liberal Not someone from the Donovan Here wait, I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it right now. I want to see more punching ask for a handout. I'm just going on. I got it. I think the real thing is that when you take two guys and you put them in an arc to go with absolutely no skill, the bigger guy might come out a little bit on top. Well, if you ask your opinion, I don't want to crash in your skin.

Hey, you're not scared opinion I don't want to crash the air hey we wasn't real guys and I'm allowing you not to pay $20 to get in here so wait you see like I can't do it then to do we were supposed to be for a while

and then it's just people being snotty back and forth to each like the worst conversation but did that guy have a piece of floss the whole time to look like a tough guy? I think he might be right. Like instead of having a two to three, he's got a piece of floss to look. I think that's a lot of some detouriest that I had picked up from the octagon floor. Okay. There's another round though, right? There's another round, yeah.

No, no, there's a whole second round. But, but anyway, so here's how we ended up fighting. So all these Dixio fans after the show, including fucking Pete Saliva, they all text me and they're like, you've got to call his bluff. He said he'd fight you tonight. You've got to, you have to tell him, you'll fight him tonight. I tell them all. Yeah, he's not bluffing. This is a fucking crazy guy. He's going to drive down here tonight and we're gonna have nothing prepared and it's gonna be the most thrown together thing

you've ever seen and no one's gonna give a shit and they're all going, we don't care. Yeah, I wanna see a fight. We wanna see a fight right now. So I go on Twitter, so I get fucking peer pressured into it. I'll watch later. I go on to Twitter, I go, oh, you know what, You want to fight tonight?

Let's fight tonight. So he's like, yeah, I'm getting in my car. That's when a stereo starts to panic and he asked me how he can get out of it. That is not it. That's not at all what happened. Please, people will believe you when you say that. No, I'm kidding. Okay. So I don't know how to score this fight. It was officially a draw. There's more than in two rounds. I think there's about 20 illegal moves. Barry totalled them up. Something's going to happen here. I'm up. Some's going to happen here. Is there a legal issue? Why did you, if the referee doesn't call it?

And I say no. Like, you know, there was a foul. I mean, at one point I called, at one point I called, where the fanboy, a stupid bitch. And then the referee says, language, and that's a foul. So I did redact calling him a stupid bitch. I call him a stupid B word. T-shirts will be available soon that say bring it B word but um but you know uh so I guess that's a foul. Um at one point somebody remarked that uh that word of the fanboys didn't have his gloves on. I guess

that's another foul but uh no mentions of various spinal column punches. Well they did call you out on the no kicking. Uh They called you out on no kicking. Also, this guy grabbed me like 900 times, and I kept trying to get him off me, and then he kept like, Sounds like a bad day, not a boxing match. And then, now he's saying that I was body slapping him. It's like, no, you're grabbing me.

I think it's pretty clear that there were bear hugs and you falling on top of me and throwing me. Um, yes, you were bear hugging me. That's about as a body, as a body, as a body man, as a body. All right. Uh, what I saw was a man who was landing some devastating blows, a stereos, but who couldn't get up after the second round if it would have impeached Trump. I think it was officially a draw. That was the fight. This was a tie. It was a draw.

It was officially a draw. It was officially a draw. It was officially a draw. Was it them too? So they worked out. So they worked out. Yeah. Okay.

For some reason, these guys did all of this to both just call this was their rocky moment. Like to see who could go the distance was it going to be cardio was he going to outlast the stereos was a stereo is going to explode in the ring and they both decide to just call it a draw after the second on I think it's because I think war the fanboys got hit so hard he couldn't see what was up anymore and a stereos was swinging and running. Like so this is might be the most he's ever run chasing the sky around the ring in his life, what that was his heart was going to explode if they did another 10 seconds of this.

So that's how I now I score the fight. I don't know who would have won if you guys had done around three. I don't know if Asteroos could have gotten up to do around three where the fanboys i don't know if you could have landed a single punch on a stereo's that would have heard him i mean it sounds like there's really only one way to find out who would have won and that's to do a dick show road rage in new york where we have the rematch

yeah i think we are gonna have to do that uh... and i think we're gonna have to sell video feeds of it on patreon.com So I mean, there's just no other way to do this. We're gonna have to have rematch and finally just decide who's gonna win this thing because people can debate all day. They just have an cardio. Did War the Fanboys have any power behind his hits? Was the fact that War the fanboys cat girlfriend

lipping off to the managers of the gym that were nice enough to let two freaks fight at four in the morning, giving a stereo to precious recovery time. He may or may not have needed. Oh my god, by the way, all the lipping off she did, I was like, please keep causing trouble. Please keep causing trouble. Please keep causing trouble. I'm using this as precious recovery time. I think she is gonna be what wins me this in the end. Because you're weighing a lot of attention. You can't get it.

So badly that like if we can somehow make her the star of this show, I'm gonna win. I think she left. I'd get her opinion, but I think she rage quit on this call. Here's how- Here's how I score it. Asterios, you called War the Fan Boys a bitch. According to your rules,

that is a sexist microaggression. That is the loss of, that is minus one point, five stairs. But War the Fan Boys, there's no other way to describe that cat bloodlicking shit in any other way that's not degenerate.

And that, I mean, a coin, right? Well, yeah, but you know, keep it in the bedroom. Like that's the whole, that's our whole line. Like that's how you, that's how you don't look homophobic as a Republican. You put it in that you say, yeah, as long as they kept it in the bedroom,

might be okay with it. Like, no, you wouldn't be, but that's what you say. Keep it in the bedroom, but don't do it there either., but don't do it there either. Yeah, don't do it there either. I just, I am at a UFC gym really out in public though. That's the, I think that's where we draw the line.

I mean, I think, I don't think this is very Trumpian of you. The cat leading a cat girl around, slapping her. Donald Trump said that he would make anime real. After he gets elected, I get my own cat waifu promises god god waifu are you get a minus point uh... now is there is you were fighting very dirty very disagree with that and and and by the way this is not me being ironic

except for the end so i had to throw to the month of the yeah but you were fighting dirty enough for liberal. So I'm gonna give you minus one point. You didn't hit him in the balls. You didn't poison his drink. You didn't kill anybody related to him. You didn't accuse him of things that you yourself are guilty of.

That's liberal one I want. You're gonna kill to your off, right? No, that's true. Now, where the fanboys you agreed to a draw. Trump would never do that, never. So that's a minus point for you. Let me see what else do I got here? Are we gonna both end this with minus five points?

You're both at minus two so far. Asterios, you didn't pay for the girl, did you? Right, no, I didn't. That's a minus the liberals. Liberals should pay for everybody. That's a minus the liberals. Liberals should pay for everybody. That's right. Um, and war the fanboys, you didn't tweet once during the fight. Trump would have been tweeting the entire time.

So that's a minus point for you. So I got it as a draw too. I don't know, Sean, what you think. War the fanboys, you got to stop bouncing around though. I don't know what the hell, like you were doing a ballet out there. Hey, that was fun. Yeah, but you can't do that. That's why you got knocked over so many times,

because you were bouncing around and off-balance for the entire fight. I don't think any of those were knockdowns. I think you were just teetering around on your tiptoes. I can barely stand up straight as it is. Right, which is maybe not... Maybe you've shitting down strangers to a boxing match. Oh, by the way, let's not forget that I fought this guy without knowing what he looks like.

And oh, by the way, let's also not forget this. Since joining the Dixiel, I have voted for Trump, meaning I'm on the winning side. Yeah. I have promised that I would release an album, maybe a foot of Manics, a 24 hours, I have done it, and it's gone to the Billboard charts. And now, I'm an undefeated fighter.

I mean, I've never won, but I've never lost. So, anyone out there that wants to give a stereo shit for being a liberal cup, I'm a winner. I'm a winner, and I win every time. I say I'm gonna do something, and I fucking do it. And here's what I say, I'm gonna do. I'm a winner and I win every time. I say I'm going to do something and I fucking do it. And here's what I say. I'm going to do it right now. At the rematch, I am going to put war of the fanboys into the ground. We're going to have a rematch. I'm going to destroy him. And here's the thing. I like him. I actually think he's a really nice guy.

Yeah. You guys are probably all cuddled up and brought out now that you had a fight You're like lost your fight virginity to each other and now you're best you're probably on great text No, I think he's like no, I mean that's absolutely true But if one of you drops a word like respect I'm hanging up at a principle if I hear like I respect this guy, bro. That's it fight off. No Right, which is not which is not at all We don't know how to not at all But here's you know what here's the thing a lot of people on a lot of keyboard warriors talk tough yeah like Not since low tax another dick show winner

As a guy backed up his talk like more the fanboys did I'm looking forward to this rematch It's gonna be a fun compliment on the that fight was pathetic. It was you guys I will also be selling signed copies of my novel at the during the rematch guys No, no, no, no, no, you guys have got to put on a better show than that if you're gonna fight better show than that if you're gonna find a stereos you have got you you ex you burnt every ounce of gas in your body by chasing this dancing guy around the ring for six minutes like i think i don't think you physically could have gotten up if the building was on fire you've got a sit still and let him come to you more of the the fanboys, stop watching boxing movies. Plant your feet.

The reason you couldn't hit Osterio's for shit is because your feet were up in the air for 90% of the fight. Keep them down. Floor like a butterfly. No. Like a butterfly. You're not a boxer.

You're not a fucking boxer. Learn it. If I own like Osterio's, I am also an undefeated boxer. I'll have to remind you that. God damn it. So both of you guys know more about fighting than me. I guess there's why we learned here keep keep bear hugging each other and Humping each other into the ring stop bouncing around stop dancing stand still

200% higher next time You're gonna get killed. he's gonna kill you because i i'm hearing since hysteria's is fine with illegal moves i'm just gonna bring a gun and shoot him in the next time well no way to know if you're actually joking i'm talking crazy to have fucking killed you that's the thing it's better thank i'd like to think uh...

see i think that he's joking but i'm not so sure about the cat girl. She might take that as like a secret message to do it. Yeah, that's the thing. Thank God I had Dick Schofen's Joe Justin and me in there with me. Because half of me thinks that he's going to do this show up at the bar. To let a gun shoot me in the belly and go fight so where I win. Yeah, that was win. Yeah. That was considered.

Yeah. No shit. The thing is, I didn't want to, I didn't want to be packing in New York city with all the, the liberal cuckls I have there. Yeah. Okay. Learn how to throw a punch. If you're going to talk about cucks all the time, learn how to, I'm not fucking joking.

Learn how to throw one punch, stop dancing around and you'll win the fight. All you have to do is stop dancing around. Learn how to throw one punch, stop dancing around and you'll win the fight. All you have to do is stop dancing around. Learn how to connect one time, one time and all you have to do is outlast them. That's it. No more bouncing, no bouncing. It's not a movie. Get those feet glued to the mat. Don't be cucked by gravity.

Well, first of all, I like to point out that the fourth time he he Felt the ground it was because he punched me in this and just fell there's a gif of it Where you see like he punched me. Yeah, I need to just falls down and so it's like well There's nobody's land there. Well, you should have just backhanded you right? There are a couple from what I said there were a couple decent connections on a stereo's part Yeah, and I'm pretty sure that in the rule in the marcus of queens bearer rules of boxing you're allowed to backhand someone for being quote sassy which he was it was a very sassy boy but here's what i'll say about what was been was did that i think was real smart uh-huh he spent the entire run up to the fight off camera annoying the shit out of me

Run up to the fight off camera annoying the shit out of me. Um, why what is he doing? Uh, we ride over there and that was that was mostly cat girls job to be honest. And so here's what his cat girlfriend does. Mm hmm. I'm the back of the car. She goes, Hey, I hear you stink at boxing. Let me give you some air freshener. And she sprays me in the face with

something. I still don't know what it was. Was it campus? Spraying the face with it again. And so I'm in the back of this car and I'm like, man, the moment this bell rings, I'm really gonna hurt this guy. He keeps doing this. He keeps going like, Hey, are you fat to get in the back? Are you are you too fat to get in the back of my car? Should I pull the car away from the curve because about fat you are? That's a good question though. Everybody hates scraping their doors. The bottom of their door on the sidewalk. That has nothing to do with how what kind of shape I'm in. I don't worry about that with hot girls. I worry about that with life coach, you know

Yes, you want to name any other overweight friends? Brand of guys sell the former director if you know what anyway So he's in he is really getting in my head and the whole time like trying to put on like a good show with cameras Being like look people are watching this at 4 in the morning. I'm gonna give them some fucking jokes. There's people watching this in London. Like people are watching this stream. But then the moment I connect with that, okay. I throw exactly one proper punch in the whole fight.

The very first left jab, if you look at my footwork, you look at where my hands are rocking, I throw one proper jab and it hits him in the face, and I think it's the first time he's ever been punched in the face. I think so too. I got that sense too. And so he doesn't know what to do. And after that, I'm just like,

I'm a kid and a candy store. I'm going to punch him. I'm really going to punch him. I'm going to throw him around. He was feeling himself. You can see it, he hyped himself up. Yeah. Was that the whole thing about what he's yelling?

And fucking get up bitch, get up there, or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm blowing all my goddamn energy, chasing him around the ring, with end to his credit, he was so annoying. He was such a heal before the fight

that he made me chase him. I walked in there with a plan. You don't move for nothing, Stereos. You stand still. You let him come to you. Block him. You make him miss you, make him pay. Yeah.

He's so fucking good at getting in my head. Oh, geez, you're on like an asshole. Like a kid chasing a fucking kite. And it's like, yeah, we're gonna have to have a remat. So I don't spend half of the matter. It is really easy to trigger liberals. All right guys I guess we'll have to wait for the rematch which I imagine will be 10 hours after this call. Yeah I think he's honest he's honest wait. He'll be here in a half hour. Well, they've got a dinner reservation somewhere tonight.

Serios in his group. Yeah. No, no, no. Okay. Okay. Okay. Serios and more of the fanboy. Thank you for calling in. Let me just, I'm just going to plug some on the way out. If anybody here would like to know what my secret training

regimen is, you can tune in to patreon.com. Plus, stereosis, saturday. I'm going to go to the McDonald's in New Jersey, eat a hundred chicken nuggets, and tell you some secret stories, and my personal training regimen from this fight. So you can one day box a stranger to a draw it for it. Yeah.

So you go to patreon.com.ly Stereo's to watch my livestream, this Saturday from a New Jersey McDonald's. All right, great, thank you very much, guys. Good luck on your train. War of the fanboys. You've gotta put some strength. You gotta do some squats. You gotta put some strength into those punches.

I'll be working out tonight, don't worry. I can hit. I don't know. I'm just trying to help this guy out. Cause there's no, the, the, the, the stereos was only hurting himself. Punching power, punching power does not come from your arms. No, don't come from your arms at all.

No, you got to get in there. Don't bounce, stay right in the ground. Okay, guys, thank, thank you. Show your footwork and the ground up. Yeah. From the ground up. Um, um, Keon, thank you for coming in today. Remember the Goldstein Logger group of you to lawyer,

email Keon McGonony at the Dickshow lawyer at www.dickshowlawyeratgmail.com. Sean, nice to have you back. It's good to be back. This is fun. There's a lot of catching up. I don't know how we did on that fight. That was a fucking disaster.

It was entertaining. It was entertaining. I'm going to go watch it again, actually. There were a couple of... I'll tell you what happened. Those guys now love each other. That's what happened. That's what happened now. It's the whole row down from South Park. Yeah. Stereo wants me to play some bitty send in. Here's a, here's a fight promo. Martis of Marina, in exactly 207 AM this Sunday, with a smackdown battle of the

century, spotted by Bass ProJab and Alomoni. First up, we've got the War on Self-Awareness versus the War on Kalascarol Awareness. That's right, a scary-os Coca can't run more than two glasses on Kalaske into a pile of sweat of nose. Is being challenged by his rival? War of the $20 entry charges. $20,000. Watch this heavyweight run out of breath after immediately doing everything his friend told him not to do. While it overconfident utter modes, eating back dancers around the head,

his stunts when he actually gets punched in the face. Punch in the face! Punch in the face! One of these fighters is gonna haveble and never get to a hospital. Wait, is he a problem for the fight that just happened? I can't, girl. Yeah, I'm just a freak. Well, recap, too.

But what's son, is Sunday the fight that has just happened? Yeah, it's like a... I think he's just doing that because that's usually what they say. Because these events are usually on Sunday. This is like a monster truck, bro. Okay, okay, here's another one. Man, man, man! We've got the TV and our piece of the E-Sexy Trump

kitten facing off against the phone line and to the web. Mental Jazz Trump kittens got her powers had to create an her sex battle. Sexabri! This isn't a face, dad. She'll tweet her own first certificate as your chance certificate

mental js is fresh out of court and ready to take the law in her own hands with her side taking the Armenian amico he showed up to force resist the evil from the matrix so you know he meets business you're gonna want to call it to your place of employment and get yourself fired with a fraudulent complaint because this violence is not stay for and get yourself fired with a fraudulent complaint because this violence is not seen for.

The first 100 people not to pay $20, get it out of the ring. So, so, so, so, hey. Oh, boy. One more. Let's see if he's going. Finally, if the cat mismatches the millennium as Internet comedian, Maddox takes on in a free-ish-

I can't hear Maddox shit. Go to StereoGov, go to patreon.com slash hysteria's when he hears this. All right, this can hear Maddox shit. Go to patreon.com slash series when it hears this. All right, this has been the Dixho. This outro is by Alex Walker Smith. Here you go. Thanks for listening. Cool. This one, the reddit open-raged thread. This one is by Eric Lustre stepping on water while wearing socks. So it makes him a rage.

Oh, it happens in the kitchen of the bathroom. I'd rather step on a Lego because the pain will only last for a second compared with the annoyance of wearing white socks. There you go. There's a noi. only last for a second compared with the annoyance of wearing white socks. There you go. There's a noi. Very annoying. Yeah. I put shoes on so immediately, immediately.

I don't, I try never to walk around in socks because they get so much time on this. That's all you get for free. Thank you, Alex Walker. It's too risky. You might get your stock and your socks sticky. Yeah. Hey, Dick, hey, Sean, Johnny, hey, Dick's dad, hey, everybody. So I just want to say that this is the most recent episode with your dad on is probably the best episode you've ever had. Your dad is actually better than you've ever described him. He's kind of like the coolest guy in the world. I'd like to grab a beer with him if you guys ever come to Stole's L.T. I'll buy you guys both the beers. That'd be pretty cool.

We were in Stole's L.T. I sure was a big point correction. The guy on Twitter, it wasn't ice cream that's still inside of the car. Wasn't it a Shave blue shade water ice Was a shaved water Whatever you call that's what I spilled on it shave like a shave water. Did you hear how Shave water ice You hear I could be wrong correct me if I'm wrong Now is a shave ice check it out. Yeah, it was a shave ice. Are you?

My dad was a everybody liked him. Yeah, I've always liked your dad. We've always had some fun. So he says, nice that he could just ease in there, ease in with the flow. Like, well, he's been doing it for 30 years. Yeah, it's funny because he'll come off kind of folksy sometimes. Yeah, he's not. No, but then there's... Talks about Craigslist and weed. He knew a lot of those weed laws.

Yeah, no, no, he does and Craigslist He does because he's he's so gregarious that you think oh, he's just like having fun He's like no, he's he's he's learned about this. Yeah What's up, Dick? Bobo press. He's worldwide listen. I've been here in these fucking Practical jokes by a guy named Brad from phone losers Mm-hmm, and I love them fucking practical jokes by a guy named Brad from phone losers. And I love him, but I don't know if you're aware or not,

that's fucking Red Box chili pepper, and you should address the man with some fucking respect. The guy is a goddamn legend. He's great. I've been fucking falling phone losers since the mid-90s, fucking phone-freaking the magazine, all the prank phone calls. That guy is a goddamn legend. You should have him on your fucking show 90s fucking phone freaking the magazine all the prank phone calls that guys at goddamn legend you should have him on your fucking show talk about the shit that he's been through and talk about how he's still one of the funniest guys around still kicking all these years later making fucking great content

but even doing it fucking longer than half your listeners have been alive yeah you should show them some fucking proper respect all right it should I didn't know I didn't know that he's, that he needed all this respect. It's a, Sean, it's very important to respect. Yeah. Can, can ruin a man. If he doesn't get the respect that he's in discernment of, the, the, the prank phone,

what did he, what, what was the name that he called him? Red hot something. Red hot. No, I don't, I don't know him as that, Jesus. I didn't know. He's good at what he does. Yeah. For God's sake, very good.

Takes a special kind of man to make prank phone calls. Mm. Special, devious kind of man to call someone up and lie to them for entertainment purposes. Sick, sick man. Imagine if everyone had that in them They don't be calling schools the whole system would break down people fired hilarious built on trust Yeah, if everyone was just woke up every day and it was like nothing to them to call someone and lie for their amusement The entire system we have to change everything

You couldn't you couldn't use a phone anymore Because you couldn't believe what you were hearing on the other end this angel from Eugene organ always calls in always yeah some of the stuff to play with it will make the way people treat millennials now i don't consider myself a model doesn't matter my age number one everybody told millennials everyone told them there their friends are family

the co-workers the quality i don't know what else is in your life. Yeah, go to school, you need to go to school. They listen to everyone, and then suddenly, they get at schools like you fuck it, you need why the fuck did you do that? Take me stay. But secondly, in this career. That didn't happen to, did that happen with our parents?

Go to school. Now you idiot, you did what I told you to do. No. No, no, no. That's a new thing, right? I think it worked out, school worked out better for prior generations. I feel like you could, there's the difference.

Everybody became like Captain Hindsight. Yeah. You should have seen that, fucking common. Ah, you idiot, we told you to go to school. 150,000 dollars in debt. You'll never get a job. You're gonna thought about it yourself. Yeah.

The problem I have is that, look, doesn everyone get some some kind of a six sense of joy out of the destruction like kind of a just once in chaos right. Yeah. One of the six cigarettes is kind of like throwing that that crossing to the wind right. Welfare subanon it feels good in some way to just let that go. And when it's your own life, you're gonna buy your own money. It's one thing. It's almost adult. It's true.

You've got so much money. Holding hell over your head. Basically, you're kept from growing up and you're a resentful child. And I don't know. I think it leads to this behavior of being enacted out without a money-based money. It becomes wild death trying to get back at daddy, but daddy at the time is a creditor. And that's my problem. Get their kept in childhood by their death.

And most of them, I don't think, have the guts to get out of it. They're the even tried, frankly. It's why you're seeing what you're seeing and you're seeing your aggression in childhood. Hmm, it was a mouthful. Yeah. Your parents are your credit card companies. Gotta, I guess, what else?

Like what is, what would they be? You borrow money from them, you take their money, you owe them, they're always on top of you. You do everything in your life to get their approval, to get their fucking credit approval. Maybe they are. That guy, he's always, he always knows. That's all I know. Dick, some of you've been to Las Vegas a few times.

What does one do if they have 24 hours in Las Vegas and John go fuck yourselves. 24 hours of Vegas. You just got to win for 24 hours straight or else leave because there's nothing else in Vegas. That's worth anything. If you lose, just immediately leave. Don't try to soak your, don't go see the shitty aquarium at Mandalay Bay. Don't try to see a show, just immediately leave. Go there, play, play until you lose and then leave. There's nothing else to do there. Maybe take a lazy river ride. Maybe take a break. Hmm, but from losing.

From losing. Yeah. But then leave. Go see Absent too, That's a good show. I don't know. What else is there to do in Vegas? I hate Vegas. Me too.

I hate Vegas. That everything, everything stays in Vegas was the greatest ad ever. Because nothing happens in Vegas. Nothing worth anything happens in Vegas. All of your losing stays in Vegas. That's it. And you come home and you don't talk about it. Yeah.

Okay. And it turns out, I just gave him a bunch of money. That was it. Hey, Dick, this is Strange Fig and I. I think I want to bring in a rage today. And I think my rage today is, uh, sympathy seekers. So let me get the little backstory. What's going on?

Just happening tonight. I am a zone intro. A lot of Surling. Just happening tonight. I am its own intro. A lot of beer is in it. I'm really fucking angry. But so let me get to the real fucking goss. So like tonight I just dropped on this girl who I spent like, roughly like $2,000 fucking dollars to go see Rod Serling. It is Rod Serling.

Several shows and fucking Vegas for her. Decided to talk about one of my friends Who she hasn't talked to years? I haven't talked to years. I know somehow we managed to be met this night this particular night This night You drop this hot fucking gossip on me where this is how this guy talks all the time I've got a lady like this and decided to come down there and hang out with her and spend all this fucking money on her. Well, apparently she didn't want me to spend this money at all when she constantly agni on. Come down here and hang out with me. Let's take a good time. Let's move to fucking Colorado. You got to get your kids for such great fucking friends. Like, the thing is, like, she's talking to my

friend and was like, hey, you fucking asshole. Fuck is going on. I don't know. Fucking dear, I'll quit. Just go to fucking town. This is what happens when guys don't get laid. This call. Who don't think, oh, word what? My not conducted. This friend. I'm hearing you been trying to fuck around. This is how fucking time got down. Well, I guess that would make me a rage. All right, Dick. Sean, go fuck yourself. That's what happens to all of us when we don't get laid. And we thought we were gonna get laid. That call. That's what going on.

That's what goes on in all of our brains. That's a public service announcement from me. Is this is your brain on drugs, you know, the frying pan. This is your brain on giving money to a girl and not getting laid. This voicemail, rod sirling, it's an evil rod-sirling. And you're, if you're a guy, and this, what does this guy drop to, grand on this girl?

Oh. If you, if you, if you take a girl to dinner and you're not getting laid, which happens, happens, happens the best of us, happens, happens. A George fucking Clooney, Sean. George Clooney takes a girl out to dinner. He might not get laid. Can you believe that? Well, he is married.

Well, he might not get fucked by his wife. Well, that's what I mean. She might be too tired. But in all of us, I'm talking about an all-men. Yeah. As soon as you drop a single dollar and you don't get laid, the evil rod sirling in your mind comes out and starts talking to you like that hey

welcome to the not getting laid zone so and he makes no sense like the original rod sirling makes sterling or sirling sirling sirling the original rhodger makes only sense and he uses big words in like a beautiful tapestry the evil opposite rod sirling makes no sense ever and just rants like a drunk uncle like, oh, so this bitch, I see he's talking to her friend. I supersized her burger king order and everything. And I give her and I'm talking to her friend.

It's like a drunk Rod Sirling. Yeah. Women don't know this though. They don't know, like they're always so surprised at how crazy we get, but you got to, you got to understand when we don't get it, when we don't know, like they're always so surprised at how crazy we get, but you gotta understand. When we don't get something back from our penis investment, we got this guy in our heads talking like an evil rod serling, we can't make any sense,

but he's pulling all the strings. It's not our fault, that's what I'm saying. It's like, it's not our fault that we're behaving like this because this is what's going on in the behind the eyes. Like, oh, well, you know, she doesn't know you anything and you're thinking, I know she doesn't own me anything. That's not the point. It's just, I got this demon in my head

that's feeding me lies and nonsense. I know how to get rid of them. That's what I'm saying. Alcohol. You gotta, you're gonna drink that guy away? I don't think so. I don't think that's gonna help. I think that going to put Rod Serling right in charge of the mouth. That's how that call happened. That guy let his rod Serling take the controls for a little

bit. He didn't get, he didn't get something he was looking for. I don't know what it was. We dropped two grand on something. Who grand? And she was encouraging Vegas, didn't he? I think you mentioned Vegas should have stayed in Vegas that that story should have stayed in Vegas. All right thanks guys. Oh God that fight. Do you want to see it in fast motion? Yeah. Okay here we go. Here is here is the stereo's war with families fight in fast motion. So it condenses it down into how like 30 seconds a minute. Oh God. Okay, there's Oh Okay, not down to but they both went down well that no that was a body that was a body slam. Okay, so we're back We're still at one Oh my god those punches the desterious is landing I Wouldn't want to get hit by those

That's what wait behind them. Yeah, huh. He's launching himself. Like a wrecking bull. No, I was gonna say. You're gonna say he's launching himself? I was gonna say, okay. See, okay, there's two. Yeah. I was gonna say, now I'm standing there like a Zen monk.

Yeah. Well, because he's not a... That's a three, but that's a backhand. That doesn't count. Well, I mean, it's not a box. You're not supposed to hit somebody like that with box in box If you in boxing if you hit somebody in the nads and they fall down you don't count that as a knockdown No, you get like you get the recovery. It's a low blow Yeah, but that's not the first time you don't count that as like oh you fell we're not we're docking a point off

It's like no you got hit in the nads No, no, no, if anybody gets a point off, it's the guy who's the other low blow. Yeah, but you usually get warning first. I think that's what's going on. And the guy gets recovery times. Yeah. I don't know, there were a couple of good punches I saw connected, but it was so funny.

I mean, obviously nowhere near the skill level, but if you look at old Floyd Mayweather McGregor, are you talking about? No, if you look at... No, if you look at... No, if you look at the skill level, though. If you look at old footage of Rocky Marciano, he was known, he was known for a jump hook. He would jump and throw a left hook. Mike Tyson did it,

and Tommy Morrison used to do it. Those three guys, who were you saying did that in this fight? Astarios did one of those and it connected. I mean, I don't think he meant to do it, but he literally did kind of leave his feet and throw. It was more or less a jab. It was a straighter punch than a hook, because he wanted to hurt the guy, so he did connect with it, and that's a knockout punch. Because his girlfriend is springing with the cat piss on the way to the event. Poor his theoryos.

But he agreed to fight a guy off the internet. Yeah. I mean, that's like the best case scenario. Can't piss in your face. Yeah. And kidding like fat jokes. And not on camera. That's the best part that war the fanboys and his girlfriend would do this shit.

Not on camera, realizing that it's like an entertainment product. Oh God, what a mess. All right. See you next week. All right. See you next week.