The Dick Show - Episode 59 - Dick on Souvenir Cups

Episode Date: July 18, 2017

Souvenir cups, free water, Defensive Architecture, head banging while banging, Lowtax's new podcast: Murder the Internet, Denzel does yoga, my spoon collection, WarOfTheFanBoys disavows Cat Girl, how my dad handles stock tips, "Kian Magaña", performance art, Nick Offerman, being hit on the shin by a bike pedal, sister twister guilt, the front of your wiener, more on the Wiener Republic, Lettuce Jones is free, and I am accosted by a zombie DickHead; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah! Ah, welcome to Dick! You want Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dicky-Dig, you love dick, you got it. It's the only show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker in the city of failure. I'm your host Dick Masterson with me like usual Sean. Hello, dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? With us today, sit in and make sure we don't do anything illegal. Dick show lawyer at gmail.com. Keon, Magganya. Hey, everybody. Keon, Magganya. It's one of those, you got one of those names. I love, I'll be walking around, it's, I don't know what this is.

I'll be walking around my house and I'll just be saying it. Keon Magganya. Like over in Keon Magganya. Keon Magganya, I'll see one of his cards. I'm just like Keon Magganya. It's a mantra. Sounds, it sounds fake.

Well, it sounds like a martial art. Yeah. It sounds like a musical phrase. That gets stuck in your head like Keon Maganja. My name is a killing word just like Paul Moadip from No one reads do and never mind. No one reads do. Somebody called me dad reads do. I think he's lurking around in the backyard Building a garden doing what he he he brought a gardening hat. Yeah, he brought a gardening hat dead He loaded up his El Camino. Brought over his garden.

Does he have an El Camino? No, no. He's got all of his gardening tools. Because he's had like old, the rakehead is held together. I was borrowing some tools from a bunch of different people. You know, I don't, I don't keep track because I'm a shitty borrower. Like I just kind of take it and keep it forever until the people take it back like my brother. Like I got other people's clothes and stuff. If it's not in this win. Yeah. If it's not a dick show shirt, then chances are I stole it from somebody else. But I got my dad comes to collect his tools

and he's like, okay, well, you got a bunch of tools here. Which one of mine? Yeah, they're the ones that are all like Jerry rigged. Like the one's the the the rake with the twine around it, the shovel with the duct tape holding the spade on. That's like crooked. The two half one, the one that's the backhoe that's a pool cue that you that you glued in a ruby to the front.

Those are all yours. He's back there putting him to use right now. Okay. We got, I got some stuff that makes me rage. We've got, we've got some mysterious war with the Fanboy shit that that fell apart in the reddit. Uh, what? This week. Uh, War the Fanboy says, disavowed the cat girl.

I hope, I hope they come on. I don't know. Are they going to box? Who War the Fanboy is in the cat girl? Yeah. They're going to cat, they're're gonna have a cat fight. Yeah, a big scratch fight. There you go. Uh, yeah, she was, she was running her mouth. She hates me now. Apparently, so I don't know. Yeah, that means so went so when do you fuck her? I mean,

you mean literally? Yeah, or what happens, right? You mean, some quite is. I hate you. Oh, yeah, yeah. I hate you. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't know why. Like, she was tweeting me nonstop. Like, hey, here's my number, you know, in just in case you need it. But you'll never need your. Don't worry, I know how to get in contact with you. Now that you've got it.

But now she hates, then she sent me this whole thing about how she's, she's never been a fan ever and she's always hated me and because she wants to fuck you so bad. I mean, I don't want to say that because I thought her and Lord Fiends. Yeah, it feels like that. Yeah. A woman scorned, man. I hate you so much that I, you know, no, I never, I never wanted your attention at all.

No, or me. She posted all these screenshots of her like reporting my posts on Twitter. Cause you know, I, everybody knows I have a big problem with that. Oh yeah. I can't, I can't keep it up on Twitter. I got the whiskey Twitter. I just can't keep my account up for longer than a week.

Cause Sean, I'm doing so much bullying. I'm doing, are you banned right now? I don't think so. Oh no, right now? I don't think so. Oh no, you're, I don't think so. I didn't post in like two days and your brother texted me, like, hey, are you, did you finally get banned from Twitter permanently?

Cause you haven't posted to me. Cause that's the first assumption. Yeah. Not that, like, oh, I'm taking like a little break. Or something, it's like, oh, no, you wouldn't be banned. You're being a couple days. Yeah.

Yeah. I need to get my brain back together. John. Good luck with that. Yeah. So need to get my brain back together. John. Good luck with that. Yeah. So we'll see if they call it. It's so funny. It's so funny because she starts doing this.

And more of the fanboy swoops in and says, I disavow, we had a professional PR relationship. Yeah. And it's clearly it's gone bad. And it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's And it's clearly it's gone bad. And it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it cares. It's like nobody cares until somebody just won't tell them

the truth. Because of the much bigger deal that would have been otherwise. How come you're not telling the truth? Why? That's like what Dickheads do. I feel like this whole audience does all day is like like Terminator vision for lies.

Like mind horn. And no one will get that reference. Just like you just scan, you could see anything. Dickheads could see anything at all. I come, there's a, there's a two pregnant women in a fight, no big deal, that's the truth. There's a dog playing piano, no big deal, that's the truth.

And then there's, there's one guy, they'll see way off in the distance, who's sneakily checking his texts and they'll go, what's that all about? No. You, you with the sneaky, the sneaky text checking. What is, what is that all about? What are you doing?

And we won't stop. It's the truth, Sean. There needs to be, all those songs about all the world needs is love. No. Total, totally the opposite. What the world needs is love? No. Total, totally the opposite. What the world needs now, Keith Richards says, somebody to tell the fucking truth.

What did Keith Richards say? He said, try living off it. Yeah, I don't think you can live off the truth either, but God damn, I think it's driving everyone insane, no truth ever. All right, anyway. Dickheads are all over the place. I went to this place like LA,

LA zombie Joe's, I think it was called something like that 80s girl's initiative to go to a haunted. It was a performance artist, a performance piece, performance art. You know, you have in your mind what that is, just form and start, nothing good comes of it. You know, I like it. Oh, all right, well, we're in disagreement. I just, they do it and I'm like, yeah, you guys, you're doing it. What you're doing here, dressing up, whatever you're doing, if you're doing like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, weird orgy, destroying childhood memories, I like it. I like that you committed, it's hard. I like it. I like that part about it. So we went to this performance art thing. I think it was zombie Joe's. I don't know what it was called.

I don't want to mess it up. Some sort of a haunted experience, right? In the middle of July, perfect time. So we go in there. This is speaking of the truth we go in there and We're in the car. We're in the car waiting. I'm having some big explosive fight on the phone for business reasons Guy trying to fuck me over another another endeavor. It doesn't matter Guy trying to fuck me over another another endeavor doesn't matter A's girls a little annoyed at me

Whatever she's tapping me on the things time to go finish her fight finish if we have zombies You can yell a zombie sex to see she's all ver she's all for that point where she's like thinks it's serious when I'm yelling It's somebody's like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can I'm sure you I'm sure you have a plenty of yelling to do after my Zombie horror experience in North Hollywood. So we see people starting to get up to get in there. It's a little small group. I get up, we get out of the car, walk over there, walk down the line of people who are all pissed because we're the last ones there.

Not because we're holding anybody up, but just because they're like, those sons of bitches, we could have been ones there, you know. Not because we're holding anybody up, but just because they're like, those sons of bitches, we could have been sitting in our car too. And they take that, they're like, oh, you guys, you learned, you had a head up, you had to heads up on this one, and so there's some reason that you got to have some luxury tonight and not me.

And I had to stand here in line. So we get to the end of the line, and I noticed that my fly is completely down. Yeah. I was out. Whoops. Guy comes around and gets tickets. And A's Girl says,

Oh, your ticket is in the car. Remember when you were on the phone, I tapped you on the shoulder and said, here's your ticket. I'm like, that's really. Them fighting words. Yeah, you did, them fighting really. Them fighting words. Yeah, you did, them fighting words. You did that, did you do that?

Were you trying to pick a fight? That's chicks for you though. Were you trying to pick a fight? Okay, so I walk back to the car, knowing full well that I have to walk past these people again, and they're all looking at my dick to see if my fly is still down, to get this ticket. We go inside and I'm just looking and I'm like,

mm, you wanna tell him, she goes, oh yeah, I did it on purpose. I knew you would forget it in there. I just thought it would be funny. I was like, okay. I'll learn you. So we go into the haunted house, experience. And I shit you, there's guys, like they're trying to do, I'll learn you. So we go into the haunted house experience.

And I shit you, there's guys, like, they're trying to do, like, they're trying to look like the ring where they're climbing on the ceiling, like, they're coming out of holes in the wall, like, you haunted Peewee's playhouse and stuff. And a guy, all this screaming and orgy pretending and drum having and like, black lights and no lights and like, everybody close your eyes and follow instructions. instructions. You know what you're in, right?

There's all these goofy, weird shit happening. This guy out of nowhere, one of the monsters comes up to me in the darkness. And I'm like doing one of those like, I'm not afraid of this. I know this is all just dudes and costumes, but I'm, I'm extra not afraid of this. You know, like you are not just like, I'm just not afraid of it. Like I'm just like, I'm, my posture is straight. When I'm at a haunted house, my posture is like the best it's ever been in my life. Straight back, straight completely straight. This dude who's looking like a wolf man runs up out of nowhere, runs up to me. The guy, the guy goes, the performers might touch you.

So I'm like, okay, what does this asshole have having his mind? He runs up and gets right in my ear and goes Maddox lost And I said what are you fucking what in the haunted house? No way that's fucking awesome. It was fucking awesome. I was like fucking As go this what why are you so excited? I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna tell you because you fucked me on the 10th, but that was fucking ruined my whole, ruined the illusion of the haunted house for me forever.

Cause now I'm thinking of like, what the, who is this guy? How did he, it's pitch black? How the hell did, what are they? I'm god knows in here somehow, anyway. That's awesome. All right, let me tell you what makes me rage. I got two things today, like classic biggest problem set up.

Souvenir bottles. You know what I'm talking about? Souvenir cups. Go anywhere you go. Baseball game, basketball game, anywhere. If you want a thimble of soda, no problem. We've got that size. The small, the small, the medium size.

Oh, perfectly normal. Just like everywhere you go on the rest of the world, a nice medium size of soda. You know what? I'd like a little bit more than that. Guess what? Add $18 to what you thought it would cost and carry this plastic hunk of shit around this B.P.A.C.,

whatever leaching hunk of shit, hunk of boys and shit around with you for the rest of the day and for the rest of your life, because you want a little bit more soda, John. Sounds like you just went to a Dodger game. I just did, I bought two of the fucking cops. Yeah! No refills. No refills on the souvenir cups!

No refills on the souvenir cups. That's what they're showing us costs, two cents. It costs two fucking cents coming out of the tub into my souvenir cup that I not only do I have to carry back to my seat like a goddamn purse, I have to carry to the bar, I have to carry home, and I have to let it sit in the cupboard like a trophy of failure for the rest of my fucking life with the cap coming off, mingling

in with all the other caps of failure that I've accrued from Barnum and Bailey's Circus or SeaWorld or this fucking zoo like a little cheetah guy spinning, where does this little cheetah spinning guy go? I don't know I don't know because I'll never drink out of again the cup can't go It says all of it cup. It says all the can't go in the dishwasher can't go You cannot put this fucking thing in the dishwasher or it will explode or it will melt because it's the cheapest thing on the face of the earth This souvenir bottle that cost you 25 fucking dollars the earth, the souvenir bottle that cost you 25 fucking dollars. Just, you put it in a cupboard to look at like a hunting trophy, like one of those fucking

weirdos that collect spoons, which I always wanted to do. You know those people with a thing and it's like all these spoons? I always a kid, I don't know, I had this fucking weird. It is very weird, but I always wanted to have those spoons. I mean, let me get a, I'd always secretly take peaks at those spoons if my friend's mom or grandma was ever into collecting spoons. I'd always want more time with the fucking spoons.

I mean, look at those, something about it calls to me and I've made a vow to myself at an early age to never, ever get a single spoon. Yeah. Cause it would single spoon. Yeah. Because it would never stop. Yeah. It would never fucking stop. I know what, does anyone know why?

What is the significance of those spoons? So addictive, don't even try it once. Don't even try it once. Don't even try it once. Your first spoon is going to ruin the rest of your life. I was wondering why your kitchen had nothing but forks in it. Nothing. No spoons at all.

I don't even spoon in bed. You have to eat soup. I'm super quiet. I do. I stick my toe out. That's how I touch spoon in bed. You have to eat soup. I'm super quiet, too. I stick my toe out. That's how I touch you in bed. There's no spooning. If I see any ass in my bed, I will kick it. I will kick it right out of bed.

I also don't want to be spooned. So I spread out my hair like a jellyfish. You get anywhere near my hair to try to spoon me at night. I will sting you. I will strike you in a thousand stings. He's evolved. His hair has little tiny little nemesis. Yes, I was sting you. I was striking you in a thousand stings. He's evolved, where his hair has little tiny, little nemesis. Yes, I just like, shoot out, like little horror food.

Shoot out a painful jelly all over you. Yeah. Hahaha. Gross. Oh, those fucking souvenir cups, man. They are the worst thing ever. It's such a fucking year. It's like, they can even charge you like five bucks

for a refill. No, whole new fucking thing. Whole new glass. Well, can I just like, can you just keep the glass and just re- Nope, nope. Cause we gotta unload all these fucking glasses. Because if we don't unload enough of them,

we gotta stop doing this promotion that everyone hates. Where did this happen to you? You know, just recently, I mean, cause this just happened to me. Where? At the stadium. Of course. Of course.

Yeah, I bought two. It happened to me. I had an entire man-sized baseball helmet full of nachos. Karnai Asada nacho. Another souvenir. Yeah. Well, that's, I just left there, of course. But I'm just gonna, you just toss them.

Man, I went to this, I went to this Angels game and they were giving out, they were giving out little like slider action figures. They gave me one straight in the fucking trash. And everybody I was with was like, how could you, you just threw away that Mike Trout homerun saving catch action figure. Dick what's wrong?

And they said, I wasn't with toy collectors. I was with people who live in nice houses. I'm like, you guys would with people who live in nice houses. Who wouldn't, I'm like, you guys would never put this thing in your house. Why do you care? Why are you holding onto this for a second? This is me, shoot straight in the fucking garbage.

You know why? It's not even worth my time to tell the person that I don't want it. I just take it, it's way more efficient. To just, yeah, give me that thing, walk right in the trash. That's what's going on in here, Sean, in my mind, six, six thoughts.

And all the people behind you in line who are like collectors and they'll, oh, they later, they'll be like, no, they'll be like, yes, driving up the market. Driving up the market value. Driving up the market, our parents fucked us up with collectibles. Well, your parents, my dad was,

no, my parents were not collectible. My dad is always, always angry about his baseball cards getting tossed by his mom. Oh, yeah. So like he would, when I was a kid, I remember him saying like, well, you know, this is all, like you got to really protect these cards and you got to go to the, go to the Beckett.

Just get the Beckett guide to see how much they're worth and then you hold on to them. I had a card, this is always his thing. I had a card when I was a kid. Let's get the becket guide to see how much they're worth. And then you hold onto them. I had a card. This is always this thing. I had a card when I was a kid. It was worth the, it was worth a trillion dollars today. I had a Mickey Mantle rookie and my mom spilled mustard on it.

Yeah. And laughed at me. Laughing me like a demon. Nah. Ha ha ha ha. You're taught your cards are worthless to me. So it was the opposite for me. It's like you got a, so now I got jokes on him though,

because I got like six reams of baseball cards, my old room at home that I'm never gonna get. Now they're gonna be dealing with that child debt with this forever. Yeah, man, the worst time the souvenir bottles ever happened to me. It was like the hottest day, hottest day of the year last year. And aidesgirl and I went to Magic Mountain,

which is all cement. Like the whole park is, is just, it's in Valencia. So it's already scorching. It's like a hundred. If it's, if it's 80 at the beach, it's a hundred and fifteen in balance. That's not much of an exaggeration. No, it's not. Not much of an exaggeration, but it is, and it is, it is full of people. It is full of people in like tank tops. It is, like, so the, I don't know, it's like the human, the heat of flesh. If you put a

little just drape something over one of those hamhawks, you're swinging around, darling, and it cools things down, but you get all that skin waiting in line and it feels like an oven up there at Magic Mountain. I don't know why we went on the hottest day of the year. That would be okay. Yeah. Because I thought, I thought like, I don't know a reasonable person that there would be an abundance of drinking water fountains all over the park. Let me tell you something. There's not a lot, are there? None.

And I have been going there since I was a kid. It was a teenager. Me too. Sean, they stripped them all out. All they have now is di-sani water vending machines. God, it's a big coke thing. Yeah. Which are, which is not enough to be hydrated. Yeah. This, an eight inch tall bottle soda bottle is not enough to get your hydration on. You get a little more 15 the souvenir bottle. You got to buy the fucking souvenir bottle.

Oh, I was joking. I thought that'll, no. This is 100% out of a bidding machine. No, you have to go to the store, to the little food court, buy the souvenir bottle, because you can't, if you can get one to grow, but you can't refill it, you can't, you get the free water cup is like the size of the head of my dick that I could sip water out of. Like, oh, do you have a bigger size?

No, we don't even have a bigger size. You got to buy this plastic piece of shit that stays in the cupboard that you can't wash because the straw is suspect. The straw, they should grow cultures, bacteria, bacterial cultures in the straw of a souvenir bottle. Oh, yeah. Because they're disgusting. They can never be cleaned.

They can never be used again. Had to buy one of those and wait in line every time we wanted any water. It was waiting line to take a ride, wait in line to fill. I eventually did find a water fountain to fill it up that was underneath a toilet in the men's room in the very back of the park. Gross. Yeah. So they can't say that there's no water fountains, but they did their best to make them completely inaccessible to sell the fucking souvenir bottle. Yeah. Yeah. And say what else makes me rage. Defensive architecture.

Oh. Are we talking about castles? Yeah, like, of course. Now, this is a real thing. Stork crossfire from cannons. There's no more bus stops in Anaheim anymore. Any, go on. You ever go, yeah, you ever go to the subway?

I don't know, maybe I spend too much time lurking around subways. Oh, well, but ever go to the subway? I don't know, maybe I spend too much time lurking around subways. Oh, well, but every, moving on, every flat surface is covered in like knobs and spikes now. Oh, like this, it's called defensive architecture. For pigeons and stuff like that. For people.

For people pigeons, otherwise known as the homeless. But I mean, okay, yeah, I've got it, but it's taking that idea. Yeah. It's taking the idea of, this is how we treat airborne vermin that are a lower class of life form than us. And let's apply it to people. It's the sickest thing.

I like to think that I'm a pretty heartless person. You know, like if someone says, we got this homeless problem of homelessness and foodlessness and all you've got to do to fix it is donate 10% of your salary every year. I would say no. No way, that's mine. Right, I don't know. Yep, I need it.

For something. I don't know yet. And I want everyone to do that. Uh huh. You know, just, no, no. Sorry. We all do it. Yeah, I want everyone to do that. Uh-huh. You know, just, just, no, no. Sorry. We all do it. Yeah.

No, not going to do that. Uh-huh. And that's, I'm okay with that. Uh, but I'm not okay with then everybody getting together and saying, uh, let's also take where all the homeless people sleep and put spikes on it. Yeah. That somehow is worse to me. Uh- to me than just not giving them free shit. That's the world we're living in. Benches, Anaheim just got rid of all their benches,

LA, London, everywhere, like any flat surface, they will put little steel nubs on. What about the people who want to use it to actually sit and wait for the bus? No, no, no, no, no, no. That's your fucked. Bring your own bench. That's where we're living. It's so offensive to us to see the homeless that we can't even sit anymore. This is the better solution.

Got a problem. We got a big problem with homeless here, hanging around. Yeah, it's too bad. It's because the economy sucks for, you know, unskilled labor and you guys did it by outsourcing everything. You kind of did this. So why don't you fix it by just on outsourcing everything

or maybe make like a little, make like a little pool for, well, you know, let the free market, like let the businesses collect the vise and say, hey, we're gonna kind of incentivize the homeless people to go over here in this nice luxury homeless park, where they could sit on shitty, a bunch of shitty chairs that we bought at Walmart, something like that. And now, I got a better idea.

Let's just stick spikes in the ground. All over. So there's nowhere for us to sit. I wonder if certain homeless will evolve some kind of body armor. Anti defensive architecture strategies. Generations later, kids will be born with calluses. Be more fangent to like turtles. Be more faking into like turtles.

The homeless are gonna evolve turtles. Shals. Yeah, kind of a hard bony scale, you know, plate, all, you know, an alligator or something. It's been a long time since I took high school bio, but I do think that's how Lamarkey and Evolution works. Yeah. I don't get it at all.

I don't get how, like this, this is the new low. The new low for me in a big city, like LA or say, or people in general, is to add spikes to things that you can rest on. Like, when you say it like that, it does sound bad. All the guy wanted to do is sit down, lay down. How bad do you want to lay down, sir? I mean, how bad does this guy,

do you think that putting spikes on things is like, oh, no, don't worry, once we put all these spikes around, these guys are gonna get jobs. What are they gonna do? They're gonna go out of this go to people's yards and just sleep on the yards. I don't get it. I really don't. It seems completely inhumane. Yeah. They can get jobs installing the spikes. Yeah. It's not it's not enough that we put the concrete down. Now it's gotta be covered in spikes for the homeless.

It's insane. You wanna see examples of these spikes, Sean? Probably not. Yeah, I do, actually. All right. Oh, yeah. Oh, here's some lovely spikes. A defensive, dismal garden defensive architecture.

Look at these comfy little spikes. You can sit down, so you can still sit down on this concrete, but then you can rest your hamstring right on this two-inch nub. Nice. I don't know what that one does. Well, it's probably very uncut, because it creates pressure points.

You're right. If you lay down, it's a bench made of like tubes. With tubes, instead of flats. So there's air space in between them. So it doesn't really support the point very well. What the fuck are we doing, man? We have completely lost our way.

If an objective is now to make life uncomfortable, on purpose, with tax, with like stolen tax money. Well, that's the thing. How much, yeah. Like, how much did, so everyone's in accessory to just taking the homeless people and fucking up their day more? Like, just, we've given up on actually doing anything about it.

I wish that's all we did. But now we're just making it worse. Like, what's, why not just have, instead of defensive architecture, just have a guy with like a cattle prod standing there's Apanum. Yeah, that's too expensive. It's that is too expensive.

It's nicer somehow, at least they still get human contact. Yeah. Hey, you want to have a seat? You want to have a rest on one of these nice looking pillars? Nope. We added a butt plug to it. We added an ass plug to every little, anything you want to lean on. And if you still, if you try to, I'm looking at a concrete pillar now that has a giant butt

plug shaped like an egg in the middle of it, so you can't fucking sit on it. And if you try to sit on the edge here, Sean, if you've got a tiny ass, like some people do, this machine will come out and kick you in your balls. If you try to sit on this. Right, you don't have a photo of that. you don't have a photo of that, right? I don't have a photo of that in action. Those were in Japan first, that's the... Were they?

Yeah. Because a lot of small-ass people are in Japan, so they were trying to sit around. Yeah, and they're pretty, you know, they've got the automated toilets and stuff. They're pretty cutting edge when it comes to that kind of technology, including defensive architecture. Here is a nice bench. here's a nice piece of shit

that has a serrated knife edge added to it that looks like garbage. Everything now in the city looks like a child druid because children can't just leave something the way they druid, they always got to be adding little jagged lines and tassels on everything. Overdoing it. Let's see what else we've got here.

I'll do one more. Oh, you see that? Oh yeah. Spikes like a Spinosaurus. Right. Somebody, and somebody did this. Some craftsmen came and said, well, I guess I'm fucking people over today. That's what, that's what this guy did.

These are the people who built the Death Star. Where are you going, honey? I'm just going to make a Death Star that blows up entire planets. Entire planets? You mean everybody on the planet is bad? Uh, it's, I got a job. Uh, you know, that's not my problem.

They got a bunch of guys deciding when to shoot it, except not really is just the one guy. Yeah, we're going to see that stupid play. Yeah, we're going to see that. There, don't you want the kids to have a good Christmas? You got the tickets, right? I have to build the deaths. I have to go put these spines all over perfectly

nice places to sit. I want to hear the creative meetings they had about like the look of those spines. You know, yeah. Cause because you know the shape was argued about a little bit. Well, we would make a little softer. I mean, that looks a little harsh. But if we make it too soft, people could sit on it.

Well, yeah, yeah, I mean, the thumbs could sit on it. They have to be functional first. There was one really good word, it's the actual sidewalk. So you can't just lay down and or pass out. Yeah, you can't lay down anymore. They covered it with studs, like a BDSM paddle.

Here it is. They've taken, oh the little alcoves, where they would tuck in on the side of it. And alcove, where a homeless man can sleep when it's raining and they've covered it in gigantic tubular spines. Like one of those face, like one of those hand print nail things. Yeah, pinheads. This is deranged.

Do you know where that is? New York City. Oh, really? Wall Street, and free studs. Yeah, Wall Street. Best way to fix this problem. There you go. A bunch of fucking spikes.

Bum free studs. Nobody hates the homeless more than me. But that's too far. Yeah, I hadn't seen fucking far, man. I hadn't noticed that. It's just too far. It's like, what's next? Do we put, we're getting in too many accidents.

So let's put some like chariot spikes on our cars, like Ben Hurr, to dissuade other drivers from hitting us. So we're driving around like Mad Max. I'm sick of getting in fender benders, so I put a cattle scoop on the front of my truck so that if I do rear end somebody it just shoots them into space. It shoots them right off the road. Hey, Dan Zell, are you there? I am. How's it going guys? Good, good. What's going on? So what happened to you? What's this fucked? I told Denzel to call in every time he has a fuck dating story. Because for some reason, he's like the black Charlie Brown. Yeah. I don't know how it happens to you either, Denzel. Like you're a nice guy, but you get, maybe that's why. Yeah, maybe I'm too nice.

And maybe, maybe I need to start murdering people. What, is that too far or is it? It's too far, yeah. Okay, let's get back to it. All right, so should I start stealing parking spots? Is that what I should do? I don't know, I don't know what to do. Okay, well, what happened with this girl?

Are you dated this time? What's the deal? So we, so on the plus side, to get things off were to start things. We did have sex, okay? Oh, just to just to put that out there first. Okay. So look.

How does this become weird? Yeah. Yeah. I'm waiting for it. So all right, look, we were seeing each other for about two, three months, something like that. And I, oh man. Okay, look, I try, I try to keep things 100, right?

And I mean, you don't pull any punches for real. What do you mean you're trying to keep things 100, right? And the hell does that mean? Often. These don't pull any crunches. Keep it real. Yeah. What do you mean you're trying to keep it real? With women? Why? Why? What does that mean?

What does it mean keep it real with a woman? Not spare anybody's feelings. What are you showering your fucking bank account? Hey, this is like doubt that. This is what I'm all about right here. Is that keeping it real, Denzel? What are you talking about? So look, so if I'm asked a question such as,

Hey, would you like to go meet my friends? No. The answer is no. No. It's always no. Why would I want another group of people to approve of me? I'm not taking you to my friends so they can approve of you.

Yeah, but you already had sex with her. Yeah, exactly. So you're trying to avoid a relationship then. Yeah, that's a relationship mode. The whole premise of the relationship that we were in was casual dating. No, look, I can't do it. I can't do it. dating. No, I told you. Yeah. No, no, no, we had this conversation.

We had a conversation about, and that's probably a red flag right there. You're not supposed to tell people how you actually feel about this. Conversations for men are like the Asterios versus War of the Fanboys fight. We just flail wildly at each other. We believe everything that we hear and nothing is accomplished. It's very, a conversation is very different for women. They're communicating on many levels. Whatever conversation you think you had, you didn't.

She was having an entirely different conversation. As it turns out, that's the case. So we go meet her friends and of course her friends fucking love me. having an entirely different conversation. As it turns out, that's the case. Yeah. So we go meet our friends, and of course our friends fucking love me. I am a very affable man. I can make people like me. It's not hard.

All you have to do is know when to shut the fuck up. That's it. True. That's really it. That's one of the skills that people haven't yet acquired sometimes. So you're a good... You just sit down and you shut up.

You're a good friend, boyfriend. Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Take me to your parents, take me to your friends, I will impress them with my ability to not say anything. Okay. All right, so I'm not going to lie, man, on several occasions, and this conversation in which she wanted me

to go meet her friends, I had accidentally made her cry because I didn't want to meet her friends. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I or what? I'm sorry, what? So you got out of the relationship or what? Yeah, we stop seeing each other because essentially, she, I like it, I enjoy having sex, right? Is this part of keeping it real? We're all gonna be real with you. Just get this out of the way. I'm not like other guys.

I love tapping ass. I love fucking. I love me too, man. So in my pursuit to get better at fucking, I decided, hey, I need to get in better shape. As I mean, it's backwards thinking I should have gotten in check prior, but you know, the fuck it, why not, why not do it while you're doing it? Yeah. So I'm doing yoga and shit and I fuck myself up. I have a herniated disk in my back already. I'm doing yoga. You know, fuck me up even further.

No, this is, I think you didn't really work out. Yeah. This is the only exercise you need for fucking. You get one of those resistance training power bands and you tie it around a door knob and then you slide into it and you just thrust your hips with resistance training. That's all you need.

You can get down on all fours and do it. I do this exercise for probably an hour and a half everyday. Just to keep my hips strong, Sean. I don't wanna, I don't wanna get a Charlie horse my ass when I'm balls deep. You know what I'm talking about? If you catch my meaning. So just give that a shot, Denzel.

Okay, all right, I will. Excel power bands for you, probably. I'm a little twink. You're a big, manly guy. You're gonna need some real resistance training. Maybe I'm a little twink. You're a big manly guy. You're gonna need some real resistance training. Maybe you need a bungee cord. Shrap it around the door frame. And you just get down there like that.

Loop it twice. Get down there like that. And always stay hard while you're exercising. Okay, so what happened? What were you doing to, why does it matter that you messed up your your body? But because With it got to the point where it was real it was so I wasn't so much pain that I had to go to the doctor And he prescribed me a bunch of drugs, right and

Mixing mixing these drugs together apparently wasn't a good idea, but it was it was doctors don't tell you these things. I'm gonna hydrocode on. Yeah, they do. What do you mean the doctors doesn't tell you to mix the drugs? Yes, they do. It says it right in the bottle. Oh, fuck, it mixes drugs with anything.

What kind of doctor are you going to? No, no, I wasn't sure that I wasn't supposed to take all of them at the same time. I didn't take the ibuprofen that I was just glad because it was fucking stupid. The cycle brings a plane. Okay, Tiger Woods. He just said, take these when you're in pain. Like if you're in my pain, take this.

That's a magic phrase. In severe pain, take this. But I mean, take these two if, like, basically right when you're gonna go to bed, so you can actually go to sleep. And so during the day, I was in so much pain that I was taking things. Where were you in pain? In my lower back, lower back.

God, lower back. How old are you? I'm 27. Who, man, I used to have a shit load of back problems, but yeah, yoga fixed it. Like yoga, core strength. People, yoga fixed it like yoga core strength totally fucked it up doing yoga. You got to keep doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a constant thing. If you it was horrible man. The back pain that I had because I was you know, always sitting at a desk. But it can't just be that because everybody sits at a desk now. Well,

I'm a ganya sits at a desk. I think a vaccine is like one of the one of the most common complaints or just like chronic back pain. It's all in my head because I would wake up every day and think about how much my back hurt well, yeah, and while I was sticking it with a fork. Okay, so your back hurt a lot and you had a bunch of drugs Yeah, and what what those drugs ended up doing was making me very forgetful. And because my assumption was because we are casually dating, I don't need to text you every day, especially to talk about fucking nothing. If I have nothing to say to you, then why the fuck would I talk to you? Is that part of keeping it real?

Do you tell her that? No, no, I, of course I didn't. Oh, that's not keeping it real, Denzel. What do you mean? Look, look, do you just like saying that you keep it real? But you don't say to people, so you don't hurt their fucking feelings, OK? Yeah.

And occasionally those things coincide with the truth by sheer coincidence. You don't have to do it. Yeah. Oftentimes they do. OK. And so by day three or day four of no texting, because I, like honestly,

I couldn't even remember what it was. I'll say you're letting it. Oh, fuck up on this stuff. You're letting it die on the vine three, four days. You can't do that. Yeah, right. She texted me at the end of the week and was like, I'm real upset about this lack of communication.

So on and so forth. I can't believe you're not talking to me more or less as the message that she's sending me. And I say, you know what? Fuck it. I'm over it. Just look, I can't take care of you like you're fucking pet, dog. I just, I can't.

I'm in a lot of pain. I'm highest fuck. And these drugs aren't doing anything for me. So I'm gonna to call it. So, what's she texting you? Was she texting you periodically throughout those three or four days? And then no, no, not at all. This was one of those tests to see if I would actually get it on.

Yeah, Sean, you can't do that. You're not going to text you. It's like fuck that. I don't. So this text me. I'll say hi. I'll be cordial in conversation. But I'm not.

If there's nothing to talk about within why, why would I talk to you? I don't know for the sex. And what do you mean? So the sex wasn't that good for you to text a girl in four days. What do you mean? He's sticking to his simple question. In those, in I had seen her at that point,

like when I fucked my back up doing yoga, I hadn't seen her for like three or four days and we had been texting. So I hadn't had sex up until a point where I fucked up my back. And for those of you listening, are you following Keon way for a deposition? So when you're in so much pain, none, none.

That's all, not gonna happen. I have had sex. I have had sex with a freshly broken arm. Don't tell me about how much pain you can endure if you really want it. Because you, and this girl, this girl that I'm talking about was not cooperative. You'd think if I got a broken arm, I could just sit back and let her go and like talk to her

and let me tell you something. No, she's screaming, help, help! The erotic, that's what I'm saying. That's like, yeah her and let me tell you something. No, she's screaming help, help. The erotic. That's what it's like. Yeah, you could you clarify. Not cooperative at all. That's it turns out. It's one of the cocktailed drugs that Denzel's taking.

It's settler down. She was not handicapped accessible. She's not making it easy for me. I had my whole, that sounds bad too. I had my whole arm in a cast. And I thought, oh, this will be all right. I'll just, I'll slide into bed here. This chick had one of those 30s beds

that was all like rickety and like old metal, except it was a knockoff. So it was real, it was real flimsy. And it had those chinsy, shitty little nubs, like knobs all over the great. You know what I'm talking about? Those old beds that look like they're almost hospice, hospital beds from the 30s.

God, I fucking hated that bed. But this chick was, oh, she was good and sick. I thought, no, this will be easy. I'll just lay up against this bed. I'll prop myself up a little bit. I could keep my broken arm up, elevated above my heart, because my blood is gonna really start hammering

when this chick starts going to town. You know what I'm talking about? I had it all set up like a physical therapist. And as soon as we get in bed, she had this little fucking Chihuahua. I never forget this goddamn dog sitting there staring at the whole thing every time. As soon as we get in bed, she starts giving me

the rollover. Like we're making out and she starts giving me the rollover and I'm like, bitch, are you serious? Like I'm a tripod. What do you want? Like the Patriots logo banging you right now? I can't use this fucking arm.

It's an incredible amount of pain. So I'd, but I didn't say anything because I'm not real. I don't think it's real like Denzel. Keep it like 90. Ah, I keep it like a zero percent. I keep it completely false. Okay. I don't know what the term for that is.

So I kind of try to do my own, we're doing judo in her bed trying to roll the other on like trying to do the hint. And usually that's easy when you got two fucking arms. But when you're trying to leverage her onto you and trying to avoid the roll over with one arm, it's very difficult. If anyone was taking advantage of Keon, it was me in this situation.

Yes, I think there's a suit for this. So I finally just like she's, she's laying there and upping the ante every time I try to roll, you know what, I just realized something. This chick was a dominatrix. Yeah. I guarantee she was doing some kind of weird head games shit because she knew that my arm was broken anyway. I figured it out. She finally just went all the way back indicating that she was not going to be rolled over.

So I said, fuck it. I guess I gotta do all the way back indicating that she was not going to be rolled over. So I said, uh, fuck it. I guess, I guess I got to do all the work again. Even with a broken arm, never she's going to take, she's going to take it all away from me and make me, make it even out so that it was just as miserable as it was blissful. That's what this is going to be. So I rolled over plow, like the Patriots guy. I put my hand right on her fucking face

because I had no other way to balance as I was doing it. And I held my fucking broken arm straight up in the air above my body against her knobby 30s bed. Other because every time I let it drop, every time I let my arm drop, it would instantly fill with blood and start to ache. So every, it was like in payback when Mel Gibson

makes those guys hold the fucking briefcases up. Every single time it started to drop, I was like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Pupipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipipip things that you have to do during sex. And if you can't sit, you can't stand. All you can do is lay down. It's, look, yes, she could get on top, but any pressure on my pelvis or my abdominal region just made me wanna pass the fuck out. I was in a lot of pain.

So you made her cry? Okay, so the conversation about wanting to meet her friends, right? Yeah. She says, why don't you want to meet my friends? Like, why? I asked her, should I have a desire to meet strangers? Like, let's be honest, I'm going to meet them one time.

And if we get along, that's fine. It's like all guys, all guys feel it because we're all, we just want an in with a girl that you want to plow, you know, like that's all guys are like, it's just give me, just like it, just give me five seconds of your time. It's all, all elevator pitching all day. So when you hear Denzel get it and just purposefully blow it for no fucking reason, it's like, it hurts all of us the same way.

All, all men, you've let all men on the planet down with your antics, then, though, with your bullshit. All I'm saying all I'm saying is, I mean, there's sweating the small stuff and then there's that, you know? I mean, she asked me if I had any interest in meeting her friends, not I want you to go meet my friends. Not will you come with me to meet my friends? She asked me if I had any interest, and I said, no. No, of course I don't have any interest. Well, of course I don't.

Dense. But you also basically, you also basically called her stupid too at the same time. Yeah, you did. Like, no, what kind of fucking idiot would kind of like just need to go meet strangers? And I mean, like, aren't important. Yeah, it would never be important to me, because I'll never be in a relationship with you. And you're a sucker for having sex with me.

That's basically what she said. Hold on, Keon was about to give you some legal advice. Not legal advice. I'm just wondering. You're over here. Your back hurts. The squirrel wants to hang out with you. You have an head sex in like four days.

You must be the only guy in the entire world who the longer he doesn't have sex, the less he wants to have. That's true. Yeah, She can't get on top of you. You can't thrust. But I'm sure that you would have been happy to make you feel better with a blowjob once or twice. Right? Just a text message every four days. Here's here's something. She refused to get head. Oh, you made the right decision. Yeah. Why didn't you just say that in the first place? Get rid of her. Get rid of her. Get rid of her. As soon as she told me that, I was like, okay, so there's definitely a shelf life on this. She probably told you that. Yeah, she told me she keeps a real after the first time you had sex. She told me. And I was just like after the first time you had sex, right? When you're done, she just goes, yo, I don't, I don't give head.

It came up in conversation. I can't remember how I think you can. Then we've all begged for it. Don't worry. It's fine. You don't need to be embarrassed about that. Nope. No, you man's, your man's over here does not beg.

And that's why I do. I don't give a shit I Why don't you beg Just never comes up doesn't it doesn't it's never come up just like I've never been in a position I mean that's my entire repertoire. I just say nice shoes. Please have sex with me Please please for like 10 hours wear them down actually, please, please, for like 10 hours, wear them down. I got five. Five. I don't, I don't think it would come across as well coming from me as it does from you

or maybe Sean. I'm sure, I'm sure Kion is very handsome as well. I'm just like Fabio. He looks like Fabio. He looks like Fabio. Yeah, he does. Oh my goodness. He's wearing a shirt that says 10 gallon dong on it.

Oh damn, man. Hands in guy, great shirt. All right, what else is that? Tenzel, call back. Call back next time you fuck up of an easy sex relationship, please. Why do you have this weird thing about needing to be like needing to be yourself with women

This is not the first time it's come up Yeah, that's true. I mean look. I I'm not a master in shutting the fuck up That's that I'm not a master at it. You got to grow out of these useless things my son That is a useless thing Being yourself with women. Oh, no, I need I need some coaching. I need some coaching If you just got to learn what they're asking like she's not asking if you're literally interested in meeting her friends She's asking if you put any value on her exactly right? That's the only thing they're ever asking that is exactly Right, do you like they'll say like oh do you like the white stripes what they're ever asking. That is exactly right. Do you like, they'll say like,

oh, do you like the white stripes? What they're saying is, do you value my liking of this? Like, it's all the same. Being real is just the, I don't know, it's an easy cop out for not trying to decipher their code. Cause it's not that hard.

You're an engineer, you should be able to crack it. I should be, maybe I'm an autism, a secret autism, and I can't I don't understand subtext at all. Maybe that's the problem. I don't think that's the problem. What do you think the problem is? Oh no, it's exactly what you said. Yeah, it's exactly what I said.

All right, call back, call back when you got another one. All right, sure thing. Thanks. All right. Yeah, it's exactly what I said. All right, call back, call back when you got another one. All right, sure thing. Thanks. All right, yeah, see ya. Denzel. Real nerd hours podcast, Denzel. Oh, that fucking guy. I can't be too mad in though.

Once I did a very similar thing, but I was like 21. So if you can at least be forgiven. I was dating this girl. Really nice. Big, big, tracks of land. Oh, living in Venice right by the beach and so I just graduated college went over to her place the next morning I woke up like well I got to go and work and she said don't you want to come walk my dog with me? And

I said no what yeah what I want to walk your dog. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So she just kind of cut me off for a few months and then came out of the blue when the other guy, she was with, or the next guy I guess dropped her. The guy who, the guy who did walk her dog. Did walk her dog. Jump. So easy.

Yeah. But, but, yeah, I was 21 of the time. So now I know, Denzel 27, he should know. Let me see here. I got some, I got some ranges from Reddit. They do this thing, Rage Friday, where they all post something, some recent Rage and they go on for some months now, I guess.

It's really, there's some really funny stuff in there. Let's see. I own netrunner says, fuck soundcloud and all other websites that go out of their way to break their mobile pages to force you to use their app. Do I have the space? Yes. Do I want some random app?

I have to access to my contacts, pictures, microphone, et cetera. Fuck no. Mm-hmm. Just make it work on the web. So what are you saying? I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, it's a pretty easy.

I used to be a standard business product. I used to be real protective about my apps, but I don't care anymore. Yeah. I don't know why something, something snapped in me. And now I just see the apps as like bookmarks. It's like planned obsolescence. Yeah.

Home Depot has got a great fucking app man. Do they? Yeah, I would, I welcome the day when there's no employees at Home Depot because I hate all of them. Well, they don't know. I hate them because I need them so much. I don't know anything though. You don't think so?

Most of them? No. No, the turnover is incredible. The only thing that has maybe a higher turnover rate would be like just music stores, maybe fast food, like those kind of retail jobs. But Home Depot. You worked at a music store, too, didn't you?

Yeah. I remember that. Yeah. I saw you in there once. Yeah. And I said, Sean, I never want to see you like this again. Yeah. As long as month I half of my life.

Didn't you work in a drum department? Yeah. What a fucking... Sean, I don't know. I remember Sean telling me that some, either you or somebody in your department, when kids would want to try out drums, you would give them like a zylephone, mallet, and no, we'd give them like a, it would be like a marching drum stick and a brush or like a hot rod, which is like, it wouldn't dowels tied together. And like they'd look, they'd be like, and then

just, and then just no, no comment on it. Hey, can I get some sticks to play these drums? Yeah, here you go. Here's a brush and a something here and another thing that you can't play drums with, but also two extremely different ones. So that yeah, it won't feel, you won't feel any pleasure from what you're doing, hitting it, being in the drum kit.

Enchanted bunnies as Nick Offerman. I'm fucking tired of him and his poser manliness. I'm super liberal and I have a beard and wear flannel, so that makes me manly. I drink scotch, I have a beard. I tell people I do woodworking. Also, I have a beard. Here, listen to this hot take I have on the Bible.

It's essentially me parroting back what your opinion in 2006 was, but you're gonna love it because I have a beard. Hmm. Nick Offerman. Is it peak Nick Offerman? Is it what? Is it peak Nick Offerman right now?

Peak. Yeah. Is he reached his, his, I don't know. I haven't seen him anymore. Got a lot of uploads. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know anything about him. Really, I mean, like in real, I think he's one of those people really like he is on the show. Yeah, I always like him, but maybe I'm wrong. He's one of those people who knows what image to project in order to be popular, but there isn't a strategy. He's an actor. He's an actor. Like it's, you know what, don't take him too seriously. What is suspicious about him is his wife. Is Megan Malalley. Yeah, she's much older and I think not. Is she much older?

I think so. Well, I mean, you know, what's much older? Like you give me fresh older. France much older. Not that much older, but older. Older and not, and I think that when I thought, I would think, when I thought of his wife,

I pictured something much more attractive. That always gives me pause. Like, what's going on there? What are you, what's going on? What's this? Because you're a man, I know the drives, they're in your body, and what your situation is, surprises me.

Yeah, haven't they been married for a long time? Yeah, yeah, they have. Affirmative nod says being hit on the shin by your bike pedal when walking, God, that's the fucking, that is the fucking worst man. I can sort of feel that right now. I just got a little flash. I can feel it and I can't campaign from, yeah.

I can hear it because the bike laughs at you after you do it. The bike hits you and then you go, fuck and you drop it in the spokes, just go, hehehehehehe, as they keep spinning around with their momentum, you're like, you cock sucker! And it just sits there and it's almost like a little like burning sensation for the next,

however long your walk is the thing. And it's the simplest invention that we have that you've had your entire life and you still fucked it up. Yeah. At Burning Man, whenever I walk my bike, I walk it like I'm at a cattillion in the 1700s. Like I walk it as far away from me as possible,

just by touching the very tip of the tassel on the handlebar to stop that from happening. All right, that's that. Let me see if anybody else is in the chat. The Home Depot app is awesome though. You put in your store and you do a search. It will tell you exactly the aisle and bay that the thing you're looking for is in.

I guarantee you that it knows more than the employees do. And that's great. Super Joe, 79 says he used to be a car salesman on Reddit. You know, I was proud of myself for negotiating my car. Yeah. Last week. And I sure I shouldn't have said anything because I'll immediately feel like I did it wrong. Yeah. Bringing it up on the show. Super Joe 79 says the Scotch guard is an add-on. You don't want it. Ask to see the manufacturers invoice and then tell them you'll pay invoice minus holdback plus 300 bucks. That's right. Yeah, that's I've heard that. You know this?

I've heard that. It's like invoice plus invoice. This is how you buy a car. You walk in and you say, Hey, dude, invoice. I'll pay invoice minus the holdback plus 300 bucks and I need to see the manufacturer's invoice. I have heard that. Holdback is the amount of profit the dealership is making basically. So for example, invoice equals 25,000 bucks. Holdback is 5,000. They're going to try to sell you the car for 25,000. You offer up 20,300.

They profit 300 on that car. Okay, interesting. And if they don't take it walk and all caps and come back on the last day of the month when they're trying hard to make any deal they can to pad the numbers for the month. Like that's I mean, that's good advice, but when you need a car, you need it right now. If come back the next day, come on, come on, need it right now. Go you come back the next day, you're in the fucking, come on, come on. You need it right now. Go to McDonald's, hey, I'll take a big Mac, 98 cents though, not 99, no, come back tomorrow. Never gonna happen.

I need that food, I need it right now. I need it right now. It's a good advice, I guess. Good advice if you're this kind of person who could do that. No, it's a good plan. The kind of plan's ahead. that. The kind of plans ahead. Yeah. You're gonna buy a car. Yeah. Oh, um, Anthony S. Quire, yo dick, it's at shell gas stations, they have four

black buttons on either side of the annoying LCD screen that plays the two, the two stupid loud pop culture advertisements. If you start pushing all the buttons on the left side, starting the top, it will mute the advertisement No, that's what works out. Yeah, not sure if it works outside shell, but it worked for me. Well Okay, he was so annoyed. He just started pushing things that looked like buttons just randomly just just shut the fuck up Low-tax is calling in. He has a podcast now. He does. Yeah low-tax. Hey low Hey low tax you there. I think so. Yeah, you are. Hey, you got a podcast now, man I have a podcast. Yeah, I'm hopping on the 2005 train. Yeah, good. Are you are you just linking your MP3 files from

Some like an index somewhere that sounds like something you would do and not yeah, that's they call me the original RSS figure Yeah, yeah, that's on SoundCloud and not that they call me the original RSS figure. Yeah. That's on SoundCloud. Aren't they about to go away or something? Did I see that? Yeah. Before we get to your podcast, did you have a chance to see the Asterios boxing match? I saw him slugging away like a tech and character.

I believe is the description I used. He wailed on that guy. He looped a bold him. He did description I used. He wailed on that guy. He loop a bold them. He did. Yeah, he did wail on that guy. Do you think as a, as a comedian boxer, do you think you could take a stereos and if I, well, as a comedian boxer, because the comedy is just as important. No, no, okay. There's a difference between boxing and getting hit. I got hit. I did a box. So I am a professional getting hitter.

Okay. You think it would beat me up. He's got the reach, the width, the girth, the length, the body slams, all that jazz. The back ends, all the tech and moves. Do you think you could? The worst thing was I could smell him over the internet. It smelled like a new damp, milky basement.

Yeah. Yeah. You think you could get in any good shots on him? No, I think after the match, I'd be picking out what I thought was pubic hair, but it's probably arm hair from my mouth. So as a stereos might be the most ferocious, strongest internet comedian fighter, there is. I think Sean Baby used to do that. That's right. Sean Baby. Okay. Yeah. If we're talking about internet relics such as myself,

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are we having that guy? I think, no way. Which one of them, it was either him or Maddox, ended up writing for the Women's Magazine about periods or something. I got him confused. I don't Maddox wrote for Cosmo. I think so. I think 17. Yeah, that's true.

But Dick show lawyer, is this real out of say this? I think that's true. I mean, if it's true, it's not actionable. I'm writing about. He's been a sue you regardless. It doesn't matter if what you say is true or not, just say whatever. I'm in the law.

I'm coming anyway. So low tax new podcast is called, hang on, let me finish my hamburger. What's a call? I'm forever doomed. It's called a mango steamy ink. No, it's called murder the internet. Murder the internet.

All right. Yes. I got a clip. What's it about? It's about how much I hate the internet. We're kind of expanding upon a familiar premise for myself. Okay. Except this time I said typing the words, I say them with my mouth.

Oh, it's easier to consume. It's like, what's that word? It rhymes with verbal, but starts with the V. I can't remember it, something like that. What's the word? Don't think too hard about that. No, I always got it. He always, no text always tricks me

to thinking about everything. Sounds like verbal, but starts with the V. Yeah. It's a thinking man's thinking man's verbal. It's verbal. Yeah. God damn it. Yeah, always less clever than I thought it was.

Yeah. Okay, I think he sent me a clip, but this might be the entire show. No, they're 40 minutes, so I hope not. Here's a clip from low taxes show, murder the internet. The thing about that is, okay, we're expected to make money to support ourselves, right? And the women, they're just at home looking at their fingernails, talking about Betty and whatnot. And the thing is- I'm sick of Betty.

Why can't I get a date? Because I'm a nice guy. I'll tell you that- That's a good one. The other women are vapid, ugly, stupid, con, horrors, and I'm a nice guy. Why can't I get a date? And you are incredibly nice guy every time I see you strike out with a woman you get in her face and be like look you fucking cut I'm a nice guy I swear to

fucking Christ I will poke out your eyeballs I don't even punch them that hard no no and that's the thing about do you see me put your weight behind those punches yeah I've got a lot of weights but yeah you know of that point. Oh my god, you don't wait too much. And the women never say, the women say, oh, thank you for only giving me one black eye instead of two. Now they don't say that. They just, ooh, ooh, ooh, pull loose, you know, and then I got to run some little bit of aim. And it's just, you know,

and then you put me in jail because I'm a man. If I have one in the nose, both are eyes of black. They wouldn't put me in jail. What day? Yeah, so it is completely not fair. I also would like to tell you about another thing called dueutrophics.

This is like the best Reddit thread I've ever heard. So it's like a little bit about women and men. Women and men would definitely, there's a Venn diagram that would definitely fall into there. Yeah. And other too. Oh, like for example, the one that we did yesterday is about a community of people who ride elevators professionally.

And they make YouTube videos of them going up and down in the elevator, they talk about the servo mechanisms, if there's transmission fluid in it. It's not cool. It's cool. They talk about the buttons that need to be. I want it as autism squared. I want that podcast. Yeah. Well, it's there. It's the autistic elevator action one and

I've been sitting on this for a while because we were going I was gonna do it with The Mr. Meek who tore whatever the hell is Yeah, I don't know how to say a lot loud either, but yeah, but we've been I've been sitting on it I was like okay, we got to unleash the autistic elevator people. It's it's far too long Who are your co-hosts the guys that are guessing you got a thin we're he's my only co-host and he's an actual radio host on What is it like a 10 980 here in Casey? Oh, that's cool Yeah, I come on to the show and then I troll his listeners and then he doesn't let me come in anymore Is that true? If you want to leave, come on in a year.

Some guy was saying about how my voice sounds like. I think it's either Bert or Ernie after Huffing Glue and I just told him that he won $10,000 and he should come down to the station and then Jonathan said, well, he can't actually legally say that he won a contest in $10,000. Like, off the 15 15 classic Ernie move. Yeah. Whichever one. Yeah.

Do you have any broke some law? Do you have any interest in joining the CU next Tuesday podcasting network over here at the DIC show media network empire? Yes. Yeah. OK. No, do you have a cock box or whatever the fuck they're called?

Cause I. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Mad Cux. Madd Cux. Madd Cux has a whole bin of the cock bucks. He swims around in like a pro yo with 500 of them. Yes. Yes. Whatever. It by the same principles that your $10,000 offer stands. So does this that you can exchange your cock bucks for whatever you want. It got up to 15. You got it. Legal issues. Okay, welcome, welcome to the network. I look forward to your opinions on men and women on murder the internet. Thanks. It's it's it's it's fun to be here on the internet. What makes you rage? The internet.

Yeah. The internet yeah Prada so many Sorry They kicked you off the radio. Yeah, it's really weird. I don't figure it out. I don't get it What are you building up to on murder the internet like what's the worst thing on the internet to you my suicide? You're coming soon. So I need to collect those madcuck bucks. You heard her here. Are you going to live stream it? Yeah. Oh, thank you. Thank you. The future is now. You know, that's what I used to say in the past, but now it's the present, and I'm still saying it.

So the future is now. The future is live streamed suicides. That's what we've been building for. Yeah. If people this year, they can do it the better. That's why I tell my kids. I say, you know, pretty much your life peaks at about 18. So after then, you know, if you off yourself, it's okay, because you did everything you're out to do. You know, you got it fun. Are your kids and what the fuck do you tell them about what daddy does on the internet? Like how do you explain that?

I say that I make fun of the bad people on the internet and they don't know I'm one of them. How old are they? 12, eight and one. The one year old, she sucks at the internet. Yeah. So we were trying to use it. She was just banging the mouse against the pink,

Disney princess phone, which gets no reception down here in the basement. Yeah. Told her that. But she doesn't even know what a website is. She just looks at dogs and shit. And I'm just like, Jesus Christ, you suck. So stupid.

Looking at dogs, Jesus. No, mad. Not even Gives. Just pictures and dogs. No, no, noUE encoding porn so I could look at it in secret or download files and splice them together. What the hell do you tell a 12-year-old about what you do on the internet? Everything.

I mean, she's been making it. She, back when we had PPP PPP Dipper Man doing flash, you know, she's done, she made some cartoons and stuff like that. So she knows how, well aware of how horrible the internet is. I don't believe in shielding my children from this crap, because they're gonna have to see it sooner or later. And their friends are all dumb as fuck.

So you better be like having a controlled environment. No, seriously, kids are stupid. They're dumb. Yeah. Well, those are like forward shit to each other. And they'll assume it's real, because it's on the internet. And like you stupid fucks.

Like slender man. Not the fucking internet. Sadly, I fox. Like slender man internet. Sadly, I don't think it ends in childhood. No, no, it gets worse and then everything's fake news, except for the stuff that isn't fake news, which is real news, real fake news. I don't know. There's like, there's gotta be like three real news things

every year, you know? Like that's my rule. It's like, I kind of already heard a news thing this month. So I doubted that I doubt that what you're saying is real. Because you there's there's about three things that happen in any given year. Mm-hmm. conservatively. What would they be and would they involve men and women? Yes. All the men, men and women

screaming at each other. So anything else, like, ah, I don't believe you. Grin assault. I don't believe you. Gran assault. I don't believe the world's that exciting. Well, I just remember like every period of time you think it's the worst that things can get and then you just wait and then it gets worse in a different way. Yeah.

And it kind of always gets itself and I don't know how it manages to do that. I mean, it's gotta be an infinite, there's gotta be an ending of all numbers. I mean, we can only get so stupid, can we? It gets worse in a way that's less exciting. Like, ah, this is worse in a way that disappoints me again. Yeah, this is like, this is what Philip, Philip Dick envisioned. Yeah. This is the future where we're all retarded. Yeah

All right, well, yeah, I'm definitely I don't know if I'm a rage after that, but I'm a depressed. Yeah That's for sure. Thanks for telling me to make see the press I bring this read to all those who surround me All right, man go enjoy a cheeseburger. I Not eating the fucking down God damn you! And see you, thanks for calling in. Murder the internet. Low-tax podcast. He has a crack up.

Yeah, he's Zany. He's very Zany. Zany. With those jokes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right, this has been the Dix show. Dix.show patreon.com slash the Dix show.

There's a bonus episode should have been out yesterday on Monday by the time this series. Go there, five bucks, you get that. One buck, you get a video, video of every show. Bonus 13. We always forget that it's on, so we make faces indicating that we think the person on the line's an asshole. Even though we don't say it.

Plus you get to see all the beautiful women that are on the show. Oh my God, that's a worth a dollar. That's not worth a dollar. That's not worth a dollar to you then. Shhh, chop your dick off. Cause you don't know what you're doing with it. Five bucks with a bonus episode.

20 bucks you get to see the stream live. This outro is by Vista's and Lequembra. They pulled me making Michael Winslow noises off of an episode. Oh my God, put it to the theme song. There's been the Dixho. See you next Tuesday. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,

bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, shun, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, oh, it's worth that ass. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM POWES BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM All right, let's do some voicemails. That was spectacular. There we go. That was spectacular. That was great. Dick, girl that can't take the fucking work control pills is absolutely ridiculous and are just traps trying to get pregnant because I made a girl literally had one case with

an alarm on it. And she would walk around the apartment with the fucking thing beeping in the bathroom until I said something. Like it would just go beep, beep, beep, beep. And it's like, babe, are you gonna take that? Babe, stop doing what you're doing. Beep, beep, beep, beep.

So we heard your pill things going off. Oh yeah, I'm getting to it. I just got to do something. You know, beep, beep, beep, beep. Hey babe, you know, I can almost midnight. You didn't take it. Why on my case? What are you doing?

I'm just screaming at you. So I just don't want to have a kid. I don't want to have to set up meeting you at the top of a high flight of stairs. I'm not for judo. I'm going to stop along with the lines where you might get a judo class I know. Stop along with the lines. We might get a judo class. I'd rather you took your pill.

But, you know, just fucking traps trying to get pregnant. Do what I have to do. Do what traps do. Keep one hundred. Bebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebebe they can now. It's illegal for you to say. I suggest something. Only in Canada, luckily we're down here. That beeping thing, I was with a girl for a while who would like, spitefully ignore the beeping of her seatbelt in her car. What's she did in her? Did she do a lesson?

I don't know. Very, very angry at dad. Couldn't even, couldn't even respond to the car beeping at her for not wearing her seatbelt. Be, be, be, same thing every time. Hey, honey, you're gonna, you're gonna stop that beeping from drilling, you're gonna stop like a sound that was designed to be annoying, to alert you over anything else that you might be experiencing that this would drill through into your fucking brain. You want to stop that from happening by simply reaching across your body and fasting your seat belt.

I don't want you to do it, but you hear the beeping right every time. That's all I remember from that. Yeah. Hey, Dick. This is Let us Jones. Oh, Let us Jones is free. Let us Jones is free. I'm finishing the rest of my sentence on House of Rest.

Yeah, it should only be two months or so. But more importantly, I got no job, no car, no money. So I've got a lot of stuff to do. I will slowly be catching up with the DIC show. And hopefully I will be coming back full force and all that, but until then, get me some time. But I hope to be calling in again as soon as I can, all right? Yeah, so thank you for everything and talk to you again pretty soon.

Oh, that's great. Let us John's served his time. He's rehabilitated. Awesome. He sounds very at peace. Yeah. He doesn't listen. Let us once you are able, give me a call and we'll, if you're in LA or California, we'll see about getting that expunge, you're getting a probation terminated early

if possible. Oh, really? Depending on what he did. Yeah. Or what he beat the hell out of some guy because he thought? Hey, depending on what he did, yeah. Or what he did is- He beat the hell out of some guy because he thought he stole, let's not say this on the air dick.

He did. Oh, okay. Oh yeah, he called in and said that he thought, he, somebody stole money from him. And he asked his roommate, and the roommate said it was this other guy who had a history of stealing money from people. So let us ambush them and feed the hell out of him. Said, where's my money? Where's my money? Turns out it was a roommate who money from people. So let us ambush them and feed the hell out of them.

Said, where's my money? Where's my money? Turns out it was a roommate who stole from him. Ha ha ha ha ha. I am definitely not laughing because that is definitely not funny and very serious. Yeah. But yeah, give us a call.

Let us, we'll see what we can do for you. Give someone else a call, let us. We'll see if we can. We'll see what we can do for you. Give someone else a call, let us. We'll see. I had a guy that wanted advice from my dad. Hey, dad, this, this guy says this about you. Just listen to episode 54 and your dad is pretty god damn charming. On the same age as you. So a lot of your experiences ring home for me. When he said Scientologists, what do they wear? Beanie's with propellers on top or something like that. I must have laughed for about five minutes straight. You know your show is funnier than the biggest problem.

I must have actually lolled at least three times as much so far when I'm actually really listening. Okay. Matthew E. She. There you go, about that. Did you hear what I said about the guy with the five minute laughing for your Scientologists that wear beanies with propellers on top?

Well, what I said, excuse me, goal achieved. I wanted to, you know, bring some humor. To this show, thanks a lot. To this show, because you guys need it, yeah. Yeah, okay. I mean, outright humor. Yeah, this guy, humor that's like funny

in the traditional sense where people laugh. Yeah, that kind of humor. Not make your humor. Yeah, this guy humor humor that's that's like funny on the traditional sense where people laugh. Yeah, that can not not make your humor. Yeah, not guys fighting each other and the weird cat girls getting involved and then disavowing them later. Neither of those fucking guys were on here, but I guess I think I told the story pretty clearly. Yeah, we had a falling out. War of the fanboys had a falling out with his PR representative.

I'm very excited to wait till next time. So asterious can come in and give his first. Yeah, asterious. Because asterious is on a lot of group chats with people. And that motherfucker logs everything. I can promise you that. I know that guy. I know that's what he does.

He's got it, he's got it all. He's got from all sides. he knows what's going on. Yeah, he stays in it, he's an active participant. God, that chick got a meltdown too. Really? Facebook group, she went into the Facebook group and started talking shit to Jamie of all people. That was a mistake.

Probably was. And then she was gone. She banned herself from shortly after that. Dad, this guy, this guy has career advice. Diego needs career advice. Yeah. Right. Sorry. I mean, I give career advice, but yeah, I wanted to get my dad's input on this career

advice, because maybe he's, he's had more careers than me, I think. Hey, Dick, your show changed my life and I'm looking for some guide and it's been browsing all the episodes trying to see if you've answered something similar in the past, but I couldn't find it. Here's the two long didn't read. Dad, did you know this symbol TLDR? No. That means they're going to sum it up for you.

Oh. TL. I know you like, I know that you like using slang that you hear on the show. I do. Get like autists. I do. I'm just telling you what the correct version of it is. So I don't see any silly versions.

T.L. Semi-ColonDR means too long didn't read. Here's the problem. If I do decide to go with working for live nation, this guy says, I'll no longer be able to try and be a full-on musician. Would it be best to be the top man playing in all the sessions and tours, or the top dog making all the concerts and festivals in the world,

obviously way more money in the promoter side? Is this making sense so far, Sean? As a musician, do you understand what he's talking about? Yeah, I had tuned out, I'm sorry for the movement, and then I heard the... Then you heard something about music and you tuned back in. Where is he? What does he mean? Top musician in what? I don't know. In the world, that's not.

No, but I mean, as what, like in whose session scene? I don't know. Because I got news for you. There's very, very few guys who do very well at that, especially anymore. Really? I know what the day rates are and what they've gone to. What are they? Well, if you want to know. I want rates are and what they've gone to. What are they? Well, it used to be, oh, there used to be guys getting too grand a day.

And this is for coming in and like basically shitting out some guitar riffs, like, like, way to way to get to that. The top guys, L-A session guys, generally the way that a lot of them have put it, and these are guys who have, you know, three, four, five decades in there. And they say it's about, it's about twice as much work for half the money. Now, so it's, and it's dropping. Yeah, I don't know if it's tailed off,

but yeah, back in the day, record budgets are still down. It's like when they start cutting things, it's kind of rare to get it back. Things climb and climb and climb, and then you have something like the digital age and them getting on the wrong side of all the file sharing and everything. And it's like, oh, we're, we're hemorrhaging money. It's, you know, it's slashed. And so budgets get cut down to nil. And it's very hard to get them to come back up. So the guys

who I know who are some of the a list session guys in L.A. have said it's about twice as much work for about half the money compared to what they used to do. No, shit. Oh, yeah. And these are the guys who, you know, so this guy says he's 24. He's a touring session drummer. Okay. Concerts and touring. Well, he's a touring. Okay. Okay. Well, there's the guys who are session, session guys who play on the records used to be very, very hesitant to take tours. The touring guys are considered a little not not quite as good. You can be a real good, real good show drummer, real good live drummer, not as good as the guys who play on the records. I know that's counterintuitive, but, but it's true. And a lot of the guys who never used to take tours because they have the thing, it's like, oh, you're out of sight, out of mind with a producer. It's like, oh, well, you know, it's like,

well, we were using, you know, Matt Chamberlain, you know, on this, it's like, oh, yeah, it's, you know, and it goes really well. They think, oh, he just won't call me next time. Right. Because there's so many good players in the, in the, in the, I don't know why I didn't know you'd know so much about this. I'm just, well, yeah, I mean, I've got. So this guy's saying, should he go into being a producer or try to be a rock star, I guess?

Well, it's to finish that, a lot of the guys who never, never used to take tours are now taking live tours. Why? Because of the session money being less. So it's like, I've known a guy for a long time who's played on a zillion records. So it sounds like this guy, it sounds like the security job and now the security guard job andality where the one security guards like I want to be a cop the other security the old security guards like and this once your cop is where you end up just stay here. So this guy

wants to be I don't know I mean I he's already at the top suit but the top of my session drum drum. I didn't see the top of what like I mean I mean, who, who, who's he touring with? You know what I mean? I, the top doesn't talk about. The aquabats and the wiggles. Yeah. That's what he's, that's what he's touring with. No, what's he, he doesn't say. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, very coy. Yeah. In, as he's at the top, though. Okay. Sounds like that's on the way out, though. Well, look, there's, there's no shortage of incredible players. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, there's, there's no shortage of incredible players. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, sometimes it's so much more than that. It's, it's right place,

right time. It's being, you know, it's being hooked in. I mean, yeah, it does, you know, it does, he want to move into, you know, studio drumming where you're, like I said, they are a distinctly different type almost. It's, it's a, they don't cross over that much. They didn't use to. All right, Dad, what do you think? What's this guy do? Well, I'm making a lot of assumptions. So at 24, you don't have a real good idea.

You have dreams and aspirations at that point. Reality hasn't sunk in. So I think the thing to do is, I can check. And you know, a lot of it has to do with the gray matter, maturing, and right there, 24, 25 is when you start to get your shit together a lot more,

but it doesn't mean you're gonna make all the right decisions. So, I think being flexible, and the way I would weigh it is risk reward. In other words, from what Sean has said, the risk is less, but the rewards seem less. Production, going into a business or a producing type of thing. Producing live events. Live events is significantly more risky than working for a live event company is more risky than being a touring musician?

Well, the reason I say that is that you're rolling the dice to get involved with business and climb the corporate ladder. Usually that side involves the corporate structure. It looks loose and Lucy Goosey and creative, but that side to me is much more organized. It's all about ticket sales blah, blah, blah. But if you like what you're doing, that is worth a lot. And that's what the trade-off is. What you're doing is, to me, less risky. You like it. The rewards are not there in the long run. And I agree with Sean. My neighbor was, what do you think Sean sang?

Good to meet you, Sean. Well, you work twice as much for half as much money. Yeah, and I didn't even touch on that. I don't know about the, that's a truth. I don't even know about the, you know, about the corporate structure on the live nation side or any of that kind of stuff. That's funny.

I would have thought you would say the opposite. Go do it. I would say go do the corporate side anyway, just because you learn new things out of it. Well, I'm just giving, I'm being the devil's advocate because I would definitely, yeah. But I would definitely go the corporate way

because of my, at 24.25, you know which side of your brain you're using more. You have a better feel where your strengths are. Enough people have told you, man, you're really good at that by then. So you should have a good idea. That's a trick to get free shit out of you. You're like, you're really good at that guitar. Why don't you come play at my sons? I got a lot more compliments where that came from. It's interesting. I mean, I wouldn't want to tell anybody not to, it's just, you know, it's fucking hard no matter which way you go.

But to be it, to be a touring musician, there's more good players now than there's ever been to start over, start over to new thing. Not saying you can't do it. The best skill you could have is the ability to start over. You got to learn that over flexibility. Again, it's really, 24. You can do that. Yeah, just. Yeah, probably. You got to learn that over flexibility. Flexibility. 24, you can do this. Yeah, just. Just wipe it. You got a lot of time. Go be a fucking oil Derek work.

Worker. Leave all of music behind. Fuck it. Just build up your build up your different talents. Get a whole other skill just in case because then you combine those skills. Yeah. Right. Then you go back into music as a session player. May in the talent, the promotion stuff helps you out over there. Oftentimes people who are musicians, they end up into more of a like a producer, you know, role. And that's all, not at all.

Or not at all. But sometimes you can put together conventions, AMA conventions, get all those fruits in there. You know, it doesn't need to be music related. No, music's on its way out. No, because I don't think music's on its way out. I'm listening to it for way too long. It's going to be replaced by pills in the future.

Sam Hine told me. Just been at a concert. Yeah, there won't be any music anymore. You just take a pill. Yeah. It will make you think that you've listened to 20 hours of classic rock. Yes.

And that's all it'll be. There will be no more music. So you got to get out as quickly as possible. You'll take a pill that makes you think you're a rock star. But they won't make a pill for a guy running a business. Because who wants to, that's not going to, no one's going to take that pill. It'll be too expensive. Yeah.

You know? So you have to, there still has to be those business guys. Other guys will be set with pills. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So you have to, there still has to be those business guys. Other guys will be set with pills. Okay. I hope we helped him. No. I think we told him he's fucked either way. God, 24. I wish I was 24 again with what I know now. What would you do? Isn't that everybody? Yeah, really. Well, I mean, not have kids. I was his first. Yeah, really well, I mean, not have kids as first I think it's something not to say don't say don't have kids don't say don't have kids Yeah, he was more of the rod than the rule What you know, you know

Should I be should have hit you? Yeah, we never got to hit you that was that whole thing hitting kids, not hitting kids came in. We had a doctor's spot, you know. I've had that sucked for you. You got your ass beat. I got it. It's time to pay for it. Nope. Every dirty word I learned, I got hit because of, I would say it, man, my mouth was full of soap.

Instantly. I got the soap, too. You got the soap, oh yeah. I got the Tabasco sauce. And well, until they realized that I was okay with it. I got the soap? Oh yeah. I got the Tabasco sauce. Oh. And well until they realized that I was okay with it. Like, that wasn't bad. You know, I still, I love Tabasco this day.

I would get pussy shoved in my mouth. Shit. So traumatizing that I can't do it anymore. And I have PTSD and I like the, I want women that I'm with to understand that it's an emotional thing for me. It's not just, I'm not just trying to cop out of it. It's just, it was traumatizing for me as a child. So now I just can't even think about that ever.

There's a lot like that girl that Denzel was dating. Yeah, that's her line. Oh, no, when I would cast when I was a kid, I would get a dick right about Jesus. Yeah. I made it bad by saying kid, right? What would you do different if you were 24, Dad? Look at things in a much longer perspective.

Think at 24 is just tons of anxiety. I get excited. All the blow in the night. You would stretch it out for like a week and a half. Or get more. Get more. Always get more. Buy, blow and bulk.

Great advice. Blowcoe. He would advice. Blowcoe. He would have started blowcoe. It's a membership club for drugs. That's the, yeah. Blowcoe. I'll cost blow. God damn it, that's much better than what I said.

You're out, John. So yeah, look at things longer, in longer term perspective, especially investments. In investments, you can't look at investing for investments at investing. What do you have investments at 24? Well, I was precocious, you might say, oh my God. Okay. I started, I really started investing at 19 on a hot tip.

What was the hot tip? The hot tip was, um, two hot dogs for the prize of one at Coney Island. No, I was at a meeting, a dinner meeting. I was only 19 and I just was stumbled into it and listened to a group of men talking in this room and the man in the front was the CEO of a major company. And he was... He was company.

He gave a hint? Yes, Flour. What? Flour? Yeah, Flour. And he said, I just want to let you guys know, I just came in and he did. He just came in on a jet, Lerjet from Saudi Arabia. And he said, we just signed a $2 billion deal.

The $2 billion. The $2 billion. Center. The $2 billion was a lot of money back in those days. So I said, stock's going to go up. Yeah. Yeah, I wish I'd bottle up more. I was saying you bought stock based on that. Yeah, I did. I did. Is that is what you're describing inside of trading?

No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Everybody in the audience, it's just so happy. You just got off the plane. Oh, I see. From negotiating the deal. So he, you know, I just told everybody in the room. And so I, you know, I lived in a really remote place. We only had ham radios. We couldn't communicate. So I got on the ham radio that this guy I knew in Omaha and

was some guy named Warren. You got a ham radio. You heard this hot stock tip from a guy off a private jet from Saudi Arabia. It only happened with Dexbaat. At 19. I never heard this story. All the opportunities that I saw that were, I took in a short-term vein.

I was just, what happened with the ham radio? Well, okay, so I, you know, I started, I got hold of the guy, because the way it worked is a ham operator would call somebody with a phone hook up. So he called this friend of mine for me and I told him about it and I was kind of remote.

So I bought stock, but I couldn't buy much because I was using him. And he didn't have much money. You were using his money. Yeah, using his money. So you said buy this stock and also give me some for free. And we'll share it. And I told him that it's a tip.

It's a tip. Yeah, it's a tip. He knew I'd pay him. The knowledge economy. That's what you grew up in. We don't have that anymore. El Naleges everywhere. Yeah, you know, and if it's not everywhere, then you use it.

You go to jail. Yeah. Yeah. So, but back then, how much did you invest in this Saudi Arabia? It was like $4,500 bucks. And it went to, I doubled my money. Yeah. Quick.

Now, and there were, there are a lot of instances of that where I said, I should have stuck with it though. What, why? Oh, you cashed out. Yeah, I did that many times. Many times. But you buy some sick duds, some polyester shirts. Yeah, about some nicknicks. Yeah, I did that many times, many times. But you buy some sick duds, some polyester shirts. Yeah, but some nicknicks.

Yeah, I remember those. My dad busts these clothes out of his closet one day and he's like, here, check these out. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, cool, all right, these are genuine 70s polyester shirts. And I put one on. My arms are like ripping out of it.

They're so big and muscular. And I was like, oh yeah, no matter what you say, Dad, I know that these guns are bigger than what you had in this top at this, because this is very uncomfortable what I've got going on here. And I will not believe you if you say otherwise if you bought a shirt that purposefully tight on your arms,

I don't believe you. Well, first of all, we didn't call them a top. We called them a shirt. Top, tops are for women. God damn it. But I was ripped in other ways. You know, I may not have had bulk, but I had like tungsten steel for five radio. Yeah, for five. It's ripped in the way. How often we do on your own radio? No, it was there was a guy in the tent and we lived that had a ham radio. And you guys talked that night. It was really.

It was really your ham radio. He was like over 70, right? Yeah, oh no, yeah. He was like, we'll see, we lived in a camp. So he was the designated ham guy. What the hell? What do you mean a camp? Well, I lived in a construction zone in the Andes Mountains.

Where, what country? Peru. This is why you were living in a construction camp in the Andes Mountains. Where, what country? Peru. This is why you were living in a construction camp in Peru. Yeah, yeah. So let me get this straight. You get, you're living in Peru in a construction camp. Eating fucking frozen soccer players. Yeah, it was close.

It was close. Dr. Ghandi's fighting monkeys. Yeah, you get a guy flies in on a private jet and drops a hot stock tip. And your first thought is, well, I got to get a ham radio to call a guy I know in Omaha to order to barter this information for stock profit. Yes. Jesus Christ.

All right. So there you go. What was the guy's name? Diego Diego. Diego. I mean, if you're not doing that, then what are you doing? Just move to Peru. Get away from the music business.

Get away from entertainment. Go do something boring. That can be lucrative. Don't follow your dreams. Okay, here, Dad. This guy has a question, too, on voice mailing. Hey, Dick, it's Richard Jiz. We're a friend we're arguing about about where's the front of your cock because he told

someone to kiss the front of his cock and I came up with an answer and flashed with them. If you were to put googly eyes on your cock, that's the front. And you can apply that answer to it. And if you can't figure out where the front of anything is, just ask if you would put googly eyes. Where's the googlyyes? That's true. Where are you viewing it from? Well, where would you put the Google heyes?

Where it depends where you're viewing it from. Well, if you were telling, if you were looking, what if you were taking a picture like for a calendar of your cock and you wanted to put the front of it on the picture? My cock may have a better side. Well, what's a professional photographer? Very much. So you're agnostic over where the front of your cock is. Yeah, yeah, I don't care.

You don't care whether there was a hot stock tip in it for you. You don't care where the front of my cock is. What if somebody, what if someone asked you though, you're comfortable with just, I don't care about that. Yeah. Really? 100. What if like you, who's your favorite band?

Like the Led Zeppelin or somebody like that? Probably like Johnson. Probably like the Wiggles. No, it's not the Wiggles. The Wiggles. Really name them. What, the Wiggles? Yeah.

The Aquabats? No, name the Wiggles if you love them so much. John Paul Mickey and Nigel, everybody knows that. Fuck, I don't know what the name is. I don't know. Okay, you win. Keon, what if someone came to you and said, what's the front of your cock? I mean, I got to take legally, legally, legally, I got to take Sean's position on this one,

but not to the extreme. I say, well, if it's that important, why don't you just find out? Oh, yeah, show it to him. Rather than identified it in a lineup, right? Yeah, right. Don't want a whole lot of people. I guess it also depends what you see your cock as. Because if it's like a guy,

if you're trying to make a guy, you would put the Google EIs different, but if you're trying to make like an art vark man, or like a, you know, yeah, we talking droopy or we talking like a snake that makes you look like a man. Or like a snake that makes you look like a man. Right on the side, but if it's a dude, it's like right here, right, you know? Yeah, we talking droopier, we talking. Like a snake that makes you look like. You know where it goes, right? Right on the side, but if it's a dude,

it's like right here, right, you know, right under the chin, under the hairdo. You know what I'm talking about? He's got that cling on thing going right down the middle of his forehead. So that's not good advice, actually. The Google guy doesn't, because it depends what you're trying to make.

It depends how you um... anthropomorphize your cock hey dick shrewd friend the most fucked up man so there's no cool i got a little bit specific rage for you the sister twister

i'm uh... over here in my feelings maybe the first time i my life it's like to put a field and the girl that I am really pursuing, her sister gave me a blow job. But two months ago, her sister engaged. Not really sure how to untangle that with that man. You were someone else in the bunker. Hasn't twice.

Go fuck yourself. Yeah, untangle that web. It sounds like the web is already been tripped. Is that like, is that guilt? There's this guy just bragging. What advice could you possibly have? Don't ever, don't ever admit it. And if you do, don't call into a podcast with 50,000 listeners and give your name

and voice and where you live. Good for you, buddy. Good for you. Oh, man, speaking as a lawyer, not speaking as a fucking comment. I engaged. I don't, yes. Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, engaged. I don't think somebody wants to be engaged. I am. Whole other mindset.

You did her a favor, right? Now she knows. Now she knows what it's like. You did her a favor. You got something out of it. You did her a favor. She doesn't have to imagine what it would be like to do what she wants.

I mean, now she can be good. Now she has the information to make the decision. Do I want to pursue more of that or do I hate myself and hide it? It's not on you. It's on her. She needs to, she maybe she loved it. That was great.

Now I know forever. I know what I don't want. Well, look, she's the one getting married and getting married under her. Not you. Yeah, well, and she's the one getting married and getting married. Are you? Yeah. Well, I mean, she's got to make some decisions. And if it makes you feel like or not or not, well, yeah, but it's, but it's a lot of stuff going on these days. A lot of weird guys have these cuckold fantasies. So for all we know, I mean, maybe she was doing it for her husband or a fiancee. Probably don't be yourself up. Don't be yourself up. I don't ever agree about any of that. He told her to go out and give you a load.

Kind of now. She's got to find out. It's just information gathering. John yeah research until somebody gets that itch to tell the truth then yeah no longer about information. Right. Hmm. Yeah. I do that though. I just had to I had to say something not why hey dick on the last episode you posed the question of how weird would it chicks orgasm have to be to elicit some judgment yeah and I have an answer for you because I used to fool along with this girl who every time I would fuck her, she would bang the back of her head against the bed like a bunch

of kids on a short bus, right? And funny story, one time she's doing this and she hit her head on this borrow wood that was there to accommodate some shelves that were built into the bed and so we were done for the night. Yeah. We were done forever like a week later when I suggested the next time we fooled around she wear a hockey helmet. So there's your answer Dick. What the hell are you Don, what the fuck's the problem? If I got to put a condom on, you put in a helmet on. It's, you're deriving more pleasure than I am with your helmet. Same thing.

I knew a girl who did that, who, Kramer had, head back, so hard and bad. Never figured that one out. Yeah. It was annoying though, because I'd try to protect her head. She'll, so hard and bad. Never figured that one out. It was annoying though, because I'd try to protect her head. Should be smashing your knuckles. Yes, and then she would still weasel through like a hamster between my fingers

and just try to bang her head on the wood. And the whole time, it would be so distracting. I couldn't cope with it at like in my 20s. I could cope with that shit, but I can't do that now. Like, my God, damn it. I would be shit, but I can't do that now. Like, I'm gonna damn it. I would be like, it would be like a water weenie thing, just trying to keep her head off the fucking, so I would put a pillow there and she'd just like,

we dig under it, you root under it, like a mole, like a badger, to just put her head on the wall. I never thought of it outside of that, never talked about it, never thought about it again, that. Never talked about it. Never thought about it again until this guy with his voicemail ever happening you. No, I did have one.

We were going down on a couch and it was a pullout couch, but we hadn't pulled out. Yeah. And that was a lot of couches or pullout couches, can. Not in my house. Right. Okay. But so she did get crammed down like in between the cushions.

She was tiny. She was 5V tall and like 150. You lost her. Wait, I'm just fucking a couch here. Next to the quarters and the back of God, that fell down there. It's in a cushion like Danny DeVito and the Christmas episode of all the sunny. What happened? I stopped and I realized that, you know, there was nothing sticking out of her face.

I was getting corduroy burned on my dick. Right. So I pulled her out and we continued. But yeah, that's as close as I'd ever gotten to bangin' her head on the back of the thing. Oh no, there was this one girl that I was dating for a while right here in Hollywood. And she only liked to have sex on the ground. Um, not a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, I was like, this is like, please don't go to the police because they will believe that I did something. I dragged you around the apartment like a heck there. Yeah, by your hair. She told all her friends. It was a dog. She did it,

which is more embarrassing. A dog did what? The fuck they're on there up? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. God, I hate when chicks want to bang in weird places. Yeah. Hey, so I was looking for a erorotic story about Samurai and the question of how weird is a girl after maybe a four guy that's engaged with the act of a coitus. I once think to grow, she started moaning like an anime character and she said, it's going, it was so fucking weird. But, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the voices for a couple, like, did the dubbing for a couple of anime's, because, you know, they bring them over to America

and then somebody does all the voices. So she told me then and I looked up, I looked up the shows and I tried to develop like a weird fetish for those characters, just because then I could like be bang, you know, close my eyes and like, now you're fucking banging. Like I could, like what if you were banging like the voice actors for April O'Neill

and on the turtles, like I could do that, I could think that work. But I couldn't do it. The shows were too fucking weird and anime and I didn't understand what was going on. So my plans were foiled, but oh man, as soon as I, as soon as she told me that, the entire plan was clear in my mind,

like the flux capacitor, I was like, oh, this is exactly, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna get all these shows and I'm gonna see if I can train my brain to do this. It didn't work. A lot of female voice actors are really cute. Yeah, she was cute. You know her.

Do I? Yeah. Oh. Did I work with her? No, no. She was waiting on us at a bar. Oh, that we went into. Oh, the bar I got, uh, I want that kicked out of for plugging straws into each other

and building the longest straws. Yeah, I could build and singing on tables and shit. That was fun times. Yeah, good times, good times. The dick show, this is Andrew Fmeet from Union organ and I have a question for you What do you think of nose pick them because honestly? I pick and mix near age Know is picking is already a social taboo if you do it your your fridge guy it you know what got speak

But hey, I can't you know what got speed but uh... the i-papers they're not making a stand they're just ignore it they're just sitting there rubbing disgusting dirty smudgy fucking fingers in the right also they don't have a

rubbed more feces and don't know i-ball my feces i don't want to see it through that. It's so gross. It's so fucking gross. Eye picker or like, I'm just talking about that.

I think that. I think you're talking about rubbing eyeballs. Just rubbing eyeballs? Well, I mean, there's, you know, gross stuff. It's probably something you gotta like flush out of there. If you're constantly got your fingers in your eye, then, you know, get your fingers out of there. But it's like,

yeah, like, that's usually the fix if you got a finger problem. Yeah. Get your finger out of that thing that you got it in. Hey, boys, so, uh, lifting the most recent episode with your life coach, John, you're talking about President Johnson and the Weiner Republic. Yeah. Uh, interesting story.

Apparently, President Johnson had a legendarily large dog. Yeah, I heard that. And really? Whenever you would have foreign dignitaries the white house you would frequently walk around and stand the hood earlier white house hot tub completely naked to establish dominance by showing off his magnificent presidential penis to uh... you know foreign dictates and what not so uh... yeah very apropos. Come out to St. Louis

for your next road rage. Free lettuce. That's a good idea. Trump should do that. Just tweet like a obviously fake picture of his dick where it's huge. Huge black dick. Like, yeah. Next time, next time he does something, you know, what he, exactly what he promised he would do while campaigning. I guess as soon as the wall starts building, he should do that. He should just release a fake picture of his dick. I guarantee you every, this is what he does.

He always tweets or does bullshit when he's sneaking things through the back and then CNN just, no, this, this meme was this and Trump as a wrestler, he should do a fake picture of his dick when they start on the wall and nobody will talk of when he is doing imminent domain to just take all the land that the wall is going to go on like the worst, you know, indefensible, that day tweeting a big fake picture of his dick. So all day it's, no, that's not possible. And then he deletes it real fast. He's like, oh no.

And I didn't mean to do this. An intern accidentally tweeted a picture of my enormous dong. So people are like, Mr. Trump, that's obviously not a picture of your dick and he goes on TV and goes like, look, as I already said, it was mistakenly tweeted. The picture of my dick was there and they're like, oh god damn it. Meanwhile, I was mowing through the Rio Grande, a gigantic concrete prefab slabs going down in the dirt. The solar people are like, hey, we're here with our solar panels and he just goes, go

to fuck yourself. That was never going to do the solar panels. You dipshits, you idiots. I did the dick tweed. Don't you understand what that was for? A whole panel of people, Van Jones tripping over himself to try to convince people that his dick really is that big. Like, oh boy, okay, Van Jones.

And O'Keefe comes out and he's like, got hidden camera of Van Jones in a year and a old and his dick's like two inches long. Or him saying, like, oh yeah, you know, thank God you don't have a hidden camera. So you can see how that my dick is an actual normal sized dick. It's just a normal size dig. There's O'Keefe. There comes O'Keefe with his weird gloating. That's what he should do.

Why not? We go through all this work with propaganda. Why not just, why do we think we have big statues on Mount Rushmore of the presidents? Here's the US. We're eternal. We're forever. Just make just paint a painting of the president with a huge dong.

Why do they wear ties? To make you think that they have a big dong. So just skip the middle man. The ties are all made in China. All of Trump's ties are made in China anyway. Get rid of all of them. I heard they're really, really short ties. No, I have one. It's great.

Like they actually just go down to like the... China. It's the longest tie I've ever had. Yeah, it's like a magician's tie. I'll tie it and then I just keep pulling and I don't know where it comes from. It just keeps coming out. I've had it all the way down to my ankles. Trump's tie.

It's like, yeah, a magician's tie. Yeah, and the back stays like normal. Oh, it's really cool. That is, that's an ingenious invention. Hall of Dicks, just a president with no pants. Shirts parted ceremonially. Let's look at this, let's get a look at this guy's dick. Can I go home now?

No, I want to talk about, I can do a whole bonus episode on this. I'm sure we will. All right, see you next Tuesday. bonus episode on this. I'm sure we will. All right. See you next Tuesday.