The Dick Show - Episode 6 – Dick on Trans

Episode Date: July 12, 2016

Download MP3 For Immediate Release, if you love Black Iron Man Woman, Marvel has a new slew of inclusive superhero reboots coming this summer. You’ll never guess who is autistic and who has mutant AIDS, so you’d better just read Marvel’s press release for THE SUMMER OF INCLUSION. Or you can listen to me do … Continue reading "Episode 6 – Dick on Trans" The post Episode 6 – Dick on Trans appeared first on The Dick Show.

Presenting dick! Dick! Dick, is that dick? Dick, is that dick? Dick, is that dick? Dick, is that dick? Dick, is that dick? Ready?

Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Welcome to the DICK Show! Welcome to DICK! You need more DICK in your life! You got it! It's your weekly dose of DICK. You've got DICK in your ear. I am DICK Masterson host of the DICK Show. With me is always a shun! Hello DICK. Audio engineer, what's up buddy? With me today, very special guest.

Very good friend of mine. A very, very, very funny person. Joan Ford. Hi, I dick. Thank you for Joan Ford. Hi, I did. Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming. Oh, it's a pleasure. Let me go over your credits.

Sure. Okay, I know you from UCB. Tournament of Nerds. True, yeah. Where you are hilarious and vicious. I go on the attack sometimes, sure. Okay, Tournament of Nerds, for everybody who doesn't know, is the comedy version of a rap battle.

You know, when the rappers get up there and they sing about how they're both from disenfranchised communities, and that makes them more aggressive than the other person. But instead, this is a bunch of mostly privileged white men. Yes, with beards. With beards. Yes. And ego complexes. Talking about their favorite. See, with beards. Yes. Yes. And, and, and ego complexes. Talking about their favorite. Here we go. Talking about their favorite, battling over who would win a fight, Batman

or Superman. Or Dumbledore. And, and, and, and Gumby. Yeah, they're never as, they're like a garbage can. Or, yeah, they're never as rational as like Batman versus Superman. Yeah, I ate five calculator. That's the fight center that are going on at turners. It's eight nerds that you're describing who argue round by round in a bracket system, whom you have to describe a bracket system to most of them because they've never encountered it before. And then ultimately, there's one nerd champion. And you are devastating.

I try. I try. I feel like I always like peter out in the last round, but what are you gonna do? Everybody does. Yeah, yeah, but some people, I think some people handle it better. But no, I do my best.

Some people just like not being prepared at all. Yes. Some people shine in that scenario, some people, they don't wanna bring in like a two-page thing to read. No, because the thing is the way the show works. You might get knocked on the first round and then you've prepared like 15 minutes of material

that you're going to throw in the garbage. Because whenever you're going to need, again, you need jokes about how crocodile dundee would face off against... Prince. ...prince, yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And the one, the last time we were on nerds together, this is what I love about you.

I'll go over a couple things I love about you. It was a very special tournament of nerds. It was being recorded for a special reason. Other people were going to look at this one. Everyone was on their A game. Yeah, other important people who may or may not work at TV networks. Yeah, who knows why it was so important. Yes, but everyone bring their A game. Yes, but we were told to bring our A game. Yes, and you came in as Harley Quinn and your entire bit every single round. You came in talking about how improv comedians, how you're, how you're in love

with the Joker, but he's not as bad as improv comedians who frequently commit acts of sexual assault and abuse. And yes, I mean, it was at a time in the community. We're both, we're both in the Los Angeles comedy community. Let's, oh, okay. Hold on. Let's cut that. We don't want to say that's a, that's a letter of shame that you wear the rest of comedy community. Oh, let's, oh, okay. Hold on, let's cut that. We don't wanna say that's a letter of shame that you wear the rest of your life. True, true. You're in a comedy community? Oh my God.

We are aware of the goings-on and the Los Angeles comedy. Is that fair to say? We're aware of the goings-on. And it was during a very heated time when there was a lot of stuff coming out about people at different theaters, maybe not, maybe abusing positions of power, maybe using positions of power.

Setting up a casting couch. Yes, essentially. So female comedians could come it, like they would put out to perform it in front of like 80 people, like this is the prize that they're competing for. Yes. And I was not, I was assigned Harley Quinn by the, by the people who run the show. It wasn't a plan. I was assigned Harley Quinn.

And I was like, and it just, I mean, it really came down to. It just seemed like the best angle to talk out Harley Quinn was that she's in an abusive relationship. And that's, I mean, that really defines her character, how she copes with her abusive relationship with a shitty comedian. I mean, that really defines her character, how she copes with her abusive relationship with a shitty comedian. And then it's just like, and that has, that just parallel bridge.

That's every comedian. Yeah, and parallel very nicely with what was going on in the community at large. Because all of a sudden, comedians became the new Fred boys. Yes. For most of their lives, a lot of these comedians have been ripping on Fred boys. And it's like, all of a sudden, you guys are guilty of a lot of the same behavior. I'm not, I wouldn't even say all of a sudden.

It's just like all of a sudden people are real, like, are realizing this shit is happening. It's, I think it's a long-term problem that's just coming to light. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to say this too. Sure. And I need you to, okay, are you familiar with rally racing? I'm not. Okay, this is how rally racing works.

It is an intense car sport where you race around, you race a little car, it looks like, it's like a little Prius, right? But it's got shit loads of horsepower, four-wheel drive, you whip around this off-road course, like through the trees, through it's always a crazy off-road course that you're whipping through. You kill some patrons on the turns.

People get killed all the time because the only place to see the race is on the racetrack. But these guys, these guys are like surgeons with their cars. Like, it's always two. It's always in teams of two. Slicing right through people in the crowd. It's fine. All right, it's dangerous. What are you watching it for?

That, yeah, they'll whip around these tracks. The driver has one thing in his mind to go as fast as fucking possible because of course it's timed, right? And the driver has with them a navigator. And all the navigator does is barks out exactly what's coming ahead. They'll be a 180 degree hairpin turn. They'll be a medium left, a medium right, and all they do is scream out these orders to the driver.

Because the driver knows nothing. The driver's driving blind. Yeah. Okay. That's what I want us to be right now, because I'm driving totally blind in introducing you as a trans woman. Is what I think you're leading up to?

Yes. I think you had it. You knew what the next word is. You know what? You don't have to worry about it. But I do. Okay. Because I was even, when I was writing an email

for you to say, hey, I really want you to be on the show because you're hilarious. Do you want to address blank? I sat there for five minutes going, how do I, how do I phrase this? No, I understand the trepidation, but I also, I don't mind talking about it and I actually appreciate talking about it. I feel like, you know, as many, I'm sure I know your audience is full of trans allies, so I appreciate that.

But maybe they absolutely are. But I guess I was being a little there. I was maybe I was being a little bit rocker there. But no, I do think maybe there are some people in your audience who would like an address, like a talk about. So, yeah, I don't mind for the audience at large. I, you know, it's like get it out there and then we can never talk about it again.

Or we can talk about it forever. It's true. I mean, we could talk about it forever. So this is what after a minute better than women came out. Yeah. The biggest, the biggest feedback I got, the biggest question everybody got is, what about trans?

What about trans? What about it? It's, I didn't see this everybody got is, what about trans? What about trans? What about it? I didn't see this coming, but it is the one thing that captivates everybody. Have you gotten, and it's captivating as it is, I also have no friggin idea. How, like, why? Why am I so, what do I wanna ask?

I don't even know where to start. You know what I'm saying? Like have you gotten that kind of response? When I started transitioning, yes. There was a lot of like fascination about it. People wanting to talk about it. And I mean, it does get, you know, having the same conversation over and over

and over gets a little tiring. But as people like kind of just got used to me as Joan, that's kind of like die down. This is how I meet people now. So the big questions came from people who knew me as John, and now know me as Joan. It was kind of like that transition was confused. It was a little confusing.

Okay. How was the name choice? On its, okay, so I had this big like, I don't know. Not a lot of people get to pick their own name. True. I have an alter ego. I don't know if everyone's aware of that, but I go under, I operate under a fake name online.

What? Yeah. The name is Pien N' Weeners' Theme. So that's how I wanted to represent myself. Whenever I'm up to no good, that's what I go. How did you reach to June? To June. Well, I mean, the obvious answer is I changed one letter in my birth name. But when I started transitioning, I kind of had this very, what in retrospect

was maybe a little of a stupid stance where I was like, you know what, names aren't inherently gendered. I can be female and still be John. I'm not gonna like bow to some sort of like societal pressure to like take a quote unquote female man. So you're gonna be the female John. Yeah, I was gonna be female John and people were gonna deal with that.

And then like it just made everything really fucking confusing. That one. Everything very interesting. Yeah, it was everyone assumed, like okay, especially because, sorry to say this again, I'll copy it, especially being in the comedy community. I do a lot of sketch, I do a lot of character work, so people would assume it, okay,

this is just for some sort of... You see, you're a bit, you're doing? And then, if I, you know, even as it became clear that I was, this is how I was presenting myself most of the time, if I still introduce myself as John, it was kind of like, well, are you a, are you just a cross-dresser? Or not just a cross-dresser?

Oh, because you don't want to insult them. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but I'm seeing it. Yeah, but no, I made a trans woman, so it just became like, well, okay, I've seen it. Yeah, but no, I made a trans woman, so it just became like, well, okay, I should just to make, just to cut down on the number of conversations I have about it, the amount of explanations I have to give, I should take a female name, and there's something I like about,

I mean, you say that, like you said, like not many people get to pick their own name, but I do think there's something nice about, like the idea that the Joan is just a slightly altered version of John, Like you said, not many people get to pick their own name, but I do think there's something nice about, like the idea that, like, the Joan is just a slightly altered version of John, it still feels like something like... Still feels like you.

Yeah, it still feels like something that I was born into, like a name that, like, that, like, my natural name that just, like, came with me as opposed to, like, a new name that I kind of, you know, made up because it's what I wanted. Although I gave my, I changed my middle name to Haley, which is like the name I like and want. It would be maybe a little presumptuous if you were to take a name that was wildly different

in your little name because then you got to explain that. Yes, exactly. Like John, everybody understands, but the, like the, the, having to explain the same thing over and over, like when you, if you've ever broken your arm or anything, it is after day two, it makes me rage. Like I've broken a lot of shit and having to go through six weeks of same story after same story where you're telling somebody,

and it's never something interesting. It's always like, well, I just punched the guy and I didn't know that that was dangerous. Did you really punch? I have broken my hand doing that. Who was it? I was a kid. I was a teenager and then I lied about it. I lied about it for years. I said I broke my hand. This is because I was so embarrassed about I got to fight with the kid. I broke my hand. But do I know the guy? No, no, no, no. I'm up now. No, just curious. I broke my hand. But you want to know the guy? No, no, no, no. I'm gonna beat him up now. No, no, just curious.

I broke did the hat. What if we just like cold cock this guy like 30 years later? What if he tracked me down? Oh shit, what if he's like outside right now? What if it's one of you? Yeah. No, I broke my hand on him and then I,

my hand like it turned all black and got all swollen. I never broke a bone before. I couldn't even fit it in my baseball mitt anymore. So I was like, oh shit, I gotta go to the doctor, but I know what this is from, and I don't wanna tell that story. So I made up this cockamame lie about how I shut it

in my locker at school. Like that's what I told my parents. Yeah, I was like, yeah, there was a lot of commotion. I was not a good liar when I was a kid. I've gotten a lot better since then. You gotta keep it simple. I fell into my locker as I was closing the locker and it smashed on my hand and that's how I broke my hand.

But it was really because I hit a guy. Yeah. But, explaining, even explaining the locker story, I had to explain that locker story to everybody, and it made me ashamed of how stupid the lie was every time I had to say it. But it was also infuriating to tell the same story and so I started making up other stories.

You wanna become a good liar, break your hand, get a cast on it, and then explain to every person who asks you a different story of how you broke it. And then you can become like a like an urban myth. Everyone has like a different different like version of the break your hands. You're like the Joker in dark night. You know, he always had a slightly different story for why he has that scar smile. Thank you. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. All right, let's go through the rundown. Number one, co-host from last week, Denzel walks is killing it. He's

great. He's a rage. He's the top of the rage pool right now. Are you aware of the contest that's on the show? I am aware of it. Yes. Okay. I'm always auditioning a new co-host after the show. People are going to vote whether or not you were a rage. Oh, oh, great. Okay. Denzel walks huge rage. He also said that he's going to write a movie that's better than hang over two and three. That's so that's a big hurdle to jump in two months. In two months. This is what he's going to do. Okay. He made this claim. So we'll see about that. Let's see. I got some comments here. Hey, Dick, you were right on the money. Cultural appropriation is bullshit. It's a fucking non-traverse. I was talking about cultural appropriation

last episode. The spread and adoption of cultures has historically been humanity's chief vehicle for the advancement and betterment of the species. Cultures are supposed to spread and be experienced by everyone. As culture spreads and evolves, their good ideas are embraced, their mythologies are celebrated and made a part of humanity's wider heritage.

They are preserved and all people are made the richer for it, right? Building a fence around a group of people and telling the rest of the species that their ideas are not for us is otherwise them de facto. And it robs us of all the chance to benefit from the fruits of our culture's meeting. A segregationist view of race and culture is bigoted and fascistic. If only these people could pull their heads out of their arses long enough to turn that judgmental eye inward, then maybe they'd realize that they are becoming what they purport to hate. All the best, man, Reuno Kingis.

Pretty good. He said a lot better than I did. That was really good. That's what I, yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, also, Philip Brodka says, I've been meaning to take a look at the, Philip Brodka transcribed episode one. Pretty cool. Yeah, he said he's been meaning to take a look

at the other episodes, but they're on the back burner because he goes to school. I mean, I think transcribing the episodes is a little more important in school. College. What are these studying? He's studying to be a social worker, I think.

Oh, yeah, fuck that. Yeah, right? Yeah. Getting in front of your computer, just transcribing these episodes. Well, he'll be disillusioned with being a social worker, I think. Oh, yeah, fuck that. Yeah, right? Yeah. Get in front of your computer, just to transcribe in these episodes. Well, he'll be disillusioned with being a social worker in a year or two. And then he'll be back to transcribing. Yeah.

What's the system pukes him out? Yeah, he'll be back. Yeah. I'll forward to that. Okay, this guy sends in a dick tip. Hey, dick, one of my emails, Justin Halbert. I learned a very valuable dick tip for my old platoon sergeant that was killed in action back in 2010 During my deployment in Afghanistan

He was like the Gandalf of our group and was loved by all and always imported wisdom I mean, he's calling his platoon sergeant like a gay wizard. That's a Too soon Gandalf wasn't gay the guy who played him was gay We don't know. Are there any likes? I thought she came out and said that he was gay. No, you're thinking of Dumbledore. Dumbledore. Oh, yeah. Get those mixed up. Yeah. And oh, right. Okay. Here's here's the. What happens? One, being the right place at the

right time and the right uniform. That's a good tip. Two, look for work. That's a good tip. Two, three, don't fuck up. These tips have stuck with me through the years and have helped make me the man I am. Don't fuck up was said by him so often that it eventually became our platoon motto. We'd shout out DFU whenever the platoon was called to attention during formation. Rip Sergeant's Thode, there you go.

It's a pretty good dick tip. Yeah, I could do it. Do there any side stories from one of the rings about like who Gandalf's fucking? No. You ask me like I can tell the difference between Dumbledore and Gandalf. Oh, that's right.

Yeah. All right. I've got something pretty exciting prepared for today. So this is a, this is a big podcast, right, with an internet savvy audience. So I think that got me on some kind of special PR wire read. Okay. I got this, I got this this week, says for immediate release, this is a topical release, right?

Get it, get it out there right away. They sent this directly to me from Marvel, from Marvel Comics. The Marvel Comics. Yeah, the Marvel Comics. Oh my god, Stanley Direct. Yeah, it's called, it says, the summer of inclusion, Marvel Comics spreads around its rainbow of diversity. I think it's about Iron Man.

Did you know about Iron Man? Yes, yes. I write for a news organization. I did a big story about that. About Iron Man becoming a black woman? Yes. What was the story? The story was, it was like, how will this affect the, it needed to be to be clickbaiting so the so it's like how will this affect the mc you how how will this

how will this affect the marvel movies that's the only way to get like click that's like put mc you in something in its click well apparently they're not done according to this press release the summer of inclusion yes it's true iron man is now a woman, and she's black. Fan reaction was so strong to last week's announcement of the new superhero, Black Iron Man woman. That Marvel comics has decided to launch an all new series of affirmative action heroes. Wow, it's pretty cool. Bruce Banner converts into the incredible Hulk,

and now also, Islam. He's officially joining the religion of peace. In an all-new comic, the Islamabad Hulk. Wow. You can't spell Islam without Islam, says Marvel EIC, Alex Alonso. We see this as natural because they're both very angry people.

If my family was killed at a wedding by a bunch of Obama drones, I'd fucking shred my purple pants as well. That's true, objectively. And the Hulk's famous catchphrase, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry, has been replaced with, you wouldn't like me because you're a racist. But, the summer of inclusion doesn't end with us. We've engaged DC Comics as a strategic partner to get more totally outrageous kick ass ethnic

superheroes or tokens. And did you get that? I got it. Totally outrageous. Kick ass ethnic superheroes or tokens. That's pretty good into comics. For example, Superman is retarded now. Krypton's last son goes from super to special in an all new relaunch.

I didn't even laugh at that because I'm like, yeah, yeah, he's retarded. He's retarded. The socially relevant adventures of Superman. Finally, a Superman that everyone can relate to says Jeff Johns, chief creative officer of DC Comics. When a kryptonite bullet pierces Superman's skull, he goes full-blown retarded and becomes a massive living burden on metropolis.

Oh, readers are going to have to contend with some tough questions. Would I pull the plug on retarded Superman? Is that what I signed on for? Why must both of us suffer? You know, added Johns also he's going to pull his dick out a lot. He doesn't know that's wrong. So get ready for this fall when the man of steel becomes the man who steals because he thinks everything is his

because he's retarded. That sounds pretty exciting. Yeah, I'm all new superman. Yeah, I mean, superman isn't already, I felt like if you like borderline retarded, just throw him over full blown. Go all the way there. Yeah, go all the way there.

But back to the mighty Marvel universe. Oh, okay. Look out, Magneto. There's an all new professor Xavier in town thinking to yourself, what could happen to him? He's already crippled. Well, good news. Now he's got AIDS.

Oh my God. Still crippled, but now he's got AIDS. But that's not a big problem anymore, right? I don't. I think that's probably a pretty big problem. I mean, like, you can live with it. He's fine. Hmm. I don't think that's going's probably a pretty big problem. I'm not like you can live with it. He's fine. Hmm.

I don't think that's going to affect his story that much. What happens when HIV turns to AIDS though? I mean, it's a lot more serious. Now, if you have AIDS, then you're going to like die. Probably, right? But this might be mutant AIDS. Yeah. The virus is in a wheelchair and it can't, I don't know.

I don't know all the specifics. You get to wait till the summer. It's a story. It doesn't get to the damage as You get a wait till the summer. It's a story called, it doesn't get to the damage as quickly. So it's full blood, it's not HIV, it's full blown AIDS. It's full blown AIDS. Okay. Switching gears, long time industry partner,

Sega Games is also getting into the act. Wow, cool. Marvel's doing a lot of press for other companies right now. Well, you know, it's all hands on deck. Yeah. What is it, what is it better? In the all new mobile game, the way out adventures of Dr. Robotnik, It's all hands on deck. Yeah, inclusion. What is it? What is it better?

In the all new mobile game, the way out adventures of Dr. Robotnik, it's finally revealed that Dr. Robotnik is an autism. Is, wait, is an autism? That's how we talk on this show. Well, that's what it says in the press release. Okay. He still captures animals, but only so he can count them. Says John Chang, president of Sega of America.

So this is like a Dr. Robotnik temple grand in mashup? I guess. Yeah. Dealing with Sonic wasn't easy before, but now Robotnik's not going to understand any of Sonic's facial expressions. That's a tough sitch. So Sonic has like one facial expression.

Uh-oh. It's like, but that's, you're seeing it through Dr. Robotnik's eyes. Oh, maybe I'm an autism. So watch out for the rainbow colored puzzle piece. Bumper's dick or Sonic. This July, Dr. Robotnik's going after all seven chaos emeralds because he needs to own every kind of rock or he'll scream. Disney's longtime. This is a long press release by the way. usually they're about half this length. This is a long one. Usually they focus on one thing, but I guess this is very, this is important. This is written more like a bunch of jokes. Yeah. This press release, Disney's long time strategic partner, universal, is bringing back quantum leap. With a twist, Sam is now a Mexican guy in a wheelchair. Oh boy, do you get that part?

We're still not sure how this is going to work. Says quantum leap 2.0 showrunner Donald P. Bellisario. Does the wheelchair leap with Sam or does Sam leap into the body of Elvis and immediately collapse on the ground? Does Elvis have to go by a white patent leather wheelchair? Find out this fall. But Sam's not the only one who's making a change. Now whenever his holographic partner, Al, references Ziggy, he adds who, by the way, is black.

The physical manifestation of God who ran the bar in the final episode is now a Trans-Asian woman, just for the lulls. That's what it says. Just for the press release. Whether you're an old fan or new, the quantum leap relaunch is poised to open up a whole new host of storytelling possibilities. Just imagine Mexican wheelchair Sam Beckett leaping into the body of Lee Harvey Oswald, nailing JFK, then popping a wheelie. That's a spoiler, I guess. But this campaign of inclusion begins and ends with Marvel.

This summer, Black Panther is being given the biggest disability of all. Sickle cell? No, Sean, how dare you. Being turned into a low income white male applying for college. If you thought the white wolf was bad, wait until the Black Panther has to battle white privilege for the opportunity to take on tens of thousands of dollars and student loans to get a BA in I can write a paper only to face his true arch nemesis, the baby boomer who won't retire.

For more information on the summer of inclusion, visit twitter.com slash marvel and make mine marvel. Oh, that's pretty cool. I'm exactly all those. I'm excited. Marvel did. What do you mean who wrote that? Clearly I was written by a quantum leap fan with all those super specific references. I'm just saying it was well done. It was well done. Thank you. All right, John. Yeah. I got a lot of stuff to go over today. I got, I got BLM to go. It was a big week

for Hillary Clinton. It was. You were running her version in again. Not really. I'm not paying attention. Not really. I think she's tweeting like no one's paying attention to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, from what I know, the last tweet I saw was when she responded to Donald Trump's photo of a frozen coloring book.

That's the last thing I saw. And it said let it go. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, it was some sort of frozen reference. So let me tell you about getting people onto the Trump train. Okay. All you have to do, literally all you have to do

is show them his Twitter. I showed a girl who was not a fan of Trump, the tweet of Trump tweeting about if a star, if a sick-sided star on a coloring book, was a Jewish star and where's the media outrage? Hashtag frozen. And she was on, like like she could not pull herself away from the rest of his tweets.

Oh no, I got obsessed with his Twitter account a while ago when he got into that fight with a modern family writer. Yeah, that was amazing. Yeah, I loved it. And yeah, I mean, I'm on, if that was all his campaign was feuding with modern family writers, I'd be a hundred of send voting for him. So I show fucking sucks.

Okay, let's get to your interview. I know a lot of stuff to talk about, but I don't want to take up the whole episode. Joan Ford. Hello. Let's start with the big one. What makes you a rage? Summer vacations. Oh, why?

Well, me too. Me too, for two reasons, for both sides. I've got two reasons. One is from a strictly, from the education point of view, yeah, I agree, summer vacation, letting kids out of school for like, like whatever, two months a year, it slows down the education process,

they fucking forget everything they learned in like the last two or three months of school. You have to like catch them all back up and it's and like yeah, I love some vacations of the kid, but looking but now it's kind of like oh, I you could have like completed your education so much faster if you just weren't taking these huge fucking chunks of time off of you every year. Oh, every year. Wait a minute. Yeah. What do you remember from school? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So what do you mean they're forgetting stuff in the summer? I agree with you. I think teachers agree with you.

But I would love somebody to sit me down at this point in my life and say like, here's 10 things you learned in 18 years or 12 years of school. You spent 10,000 hours in school. Here's what you learned. Here's we're gonna go through, here's a list of 10,000 things. Like you think you learn one thing an hour, right? That's kind of a good, that's a good metric. You teach somebody one thing, tell me 10 things that I learned in school, that I needed to be taught.

For all that time, I could have just spent home playing PlayStation. Yeah, I can remember, I'm like, I'm like, I honestly try and remember anything like significant that like still plays apart my life right now that I learned in school and it's not it. Nothing's fucking coming up. Nothing. Nothing.

I would like to see one curriculum where I can't point to a single fucking thing that I need. But the point I'm getting at is that to get through, to get, if we're gonna say, yeah, you gotta get through, you're fucking 12 years of school, at the beginning of every school year, like you graduate seventh grade, and then like you forget everything,

and then basically the beginning of eighth grade is just like seventh grade refresher. It's like six weeks, they compress the entire year in the six weeks. So, how about you compress it into two weeks next year? Yeah, or how about you just like, don't take these, just don't take the fucking break, just breathe through it, we'd all be done with school like so much quicker.

Oh, but see. But what do you do? Yeah, then what do you, what do you, what do you, you go to the call line at 13? You start your life at 13. You got a college? Yeah, you got, do what you want. Isn't that what college has done anyway? Like the push for college is so, is so transparent to me that they're saying basically that when you get out of high school, you're unemployable. Like the push to go to college is at the point where now they're saying, well, you're just totally hopeless.

You got to go, not only did you learn absolutely nothing. Like you cannot contribute at all in society unless you tack on another four years. Yeah, although I mean, a lot of the most, I know so many successful people who just fucking didn't go to college. Like they just like got out and started doing what they fucking wanted to do. And now they're like, I mean, to be fair, I work in a bullshit, I work in a bullshit industry,

I work in the entertainment industry. So, apparently it doesn't value education at all. But I know a lot of success, some of the most successful writers I know, just like fucking, like fuck college, they didn't do it. But to be honest, that's just kind of like my, that's not my main reason for hating summer vacation. But what if it's just,

what if school has a major component that is babysitting? Like for all the good that every, whatever the teachers think they're doing. First of all, they're not all good. That's a minority. Like look around at your job. How many parallel are doing a good job? That's how many good teachers there are.

And you could probably count them on one hand. And the rest of them are too fucking stupid to open emails. Yeah. So you've got teachers, you think like, you think working a kid is easier than working an email? No, getting a kid to do anything, it's fucking awful and impossible.

And I hate children. Why anyone would dedicate their life to interacting with children is beyond me. They have a mental disability. Yes, that's what's going on there. So they shouldn't be allowed to be around kids. If you want to be around kids, you shouldn't be allowed to be around kids. Kids should just all be taught by some sort of like video program, some video program.

A commercial. Yes. Like an app. They're strapped into a fuck, they're strapped into their chair into a chair for like eight hours a day. Fuck recording. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Cause kids are the fucking worse. Yeah, but you know, summer vacation is, it's one of the few things that I missed in life. Like I had a, when I started working in the real world and July rolled around, and I realized that not only was, not only was I gonna have to keep doing this for all of summer, but for the rest of my life and there would never be a break,

I wanted to kill myself. Oh, I have the exact same reaction, and that's another reason I think summer vacation like destroys us, because we do like, we go through the first like 12 to however, to like 16 years of our lives, expecting like, okay, every July, every June to like September, I get a break.

Not for a break. And then it's like, and then it's, I get a break. Not a thing. Time for a break. And then it's harsh fucking realization of nope, not anymore. You're an adult now. You work for the rest of your life. I don't know, that's destructive. It warps kids. Aren't most schools year round now?

I mean, in my year round, they get shorter. Yeah, I think so. They get a shorter break. My niece and nephew still get pretty big summer vacation. I thought they'd gone down to like a month, month and a half. No, I hope they don't get like an extra extra week at Christmas. Kids get to work at the Easter. So you have compassion for children. Well, I have compassion for everybody. Yeah. And I think that I think that everyone's getting fucked. Everyone in society gets fucked constantly. The idea that we're all working a large portion of the year

for free so that assholes in power can just blow our money in fits of virtue, signaling, and cronism, and waste. That's so offensive to me. That that's so offensive to me. That's like second amendment offensive to me. Like I would do anything to make this stop, but there's no talk of that. Like everybody's so split up into their little cause. There's no talk of that.

Like go ahead. Do you think as a Trump supporter, do you think he is the guy to at least move us towards that or do you think that does not even weigh into why you're such a a Trump supporter, do you think he is the guy to like at least move us towards that? Or do you think that like does that even to weigh into why you're such a big Trump supporter? I think Trump's going to fix a lot of things. Okay. I think he's going to fix America in a way. I think he's going to stop the slide into powerlessness and relevancy. I think his immigration and his foreign policy is going to help, is like the smart thing that we should be doing, we should have always been doing.

I think it's going to rebuild the middle class, which is the engine of a country. Every time I bring up, every time I bring up factory jobs and how important it is to have a middle class, the response I get is we don't want those jobs. Like the description of America that I get from people is we want what we need is a bunch of hipster douchebags running app companies. Like we want highly skilled white collar jobs. We don't want these stupid blue collar jobs. Like motherfucker, we don't want that, who wants that society?

A bunch of people like game-changing apps all day where I can order a bar of soap while I'm showering. I need an, I'm on the toilet shitting. I need an app to order toilet paper. That's how spoiled I want to be. Like, that's all these people are doing. Yeah, it's like those boxes. There should be box services now,

where it's just like, they bring, they deliver it to your clothes. It's like, the. There's box services now, where it's just like they bring, they deliver it to your clothes. It's like, the internet has become your mom. It's like here's your, it's sending you care packages on a monthly basis. Like here you're closed for the moms. Here's your fucking, here's your toothpaste

and here new exciting toothpaste and toothbrush for the moms. Like yeah, yeah, the internet has become our mommy. And nobody's saving any money because that's being made in China because they're not competing with, like, just because you make something cheaper doesn't mean it's being sold for cheaper.

You try to milk every dime at a people and sell it for the most you can. So who the fuck's making this? But here's, okay, so I totally agree. My question is, do you think that's really what Trump is, like, a return to that middle class is what Trump supporters are excited about. I think people who really buy into the Trump thing think they're gonna be fucking, like they're gonna be the next Trump. They're like, they're on their way to like, not a middle class.

It's their ticket to like the bigger, the upper class. Like a lottery. Yeah, I think they're all, yeah. You think that America is a nation of temporarily and convenience millionaires. Yes, that's the 10. That's the 10. I don't think so. I think people are is a nation of temporarily and convenience millionaires. Yes. That's the 10%. That's the 10%. I don't think so.

I think people are very sophisticated in their minds and they cannot express it. Like I do think that a huge majority of Trump supporters come from the fact that they just want a guy who's going to put our interests first and a big, a big one of those interests is a robust middle class, which has been totally eviscerated. Um, I mean, I don't want to get off of that Trump. Yeah, we got a Trump rant. Yeah, but summer vacation, summer vacation, summer vacation, as much as I miss that summer

vacation, it also enrages me that kids get to have it. It enrages me that kids get to have it. And I mean, the big personal reason I hate it is because it turns Los Angeles, the place where I live, I feel it turns it into vacationers, personal fucking zoo for like three months of the year. I knew that's where this was going. Yeah, three months of that of the year. Yeah, I was just saying all the education stuff.

So there was some sort of like logical, bad, bat. You don't give a fuck about all that. What I really do give a fuck about is vacationers coming into Los Angeles and just making it unbearable for three goddamn months of the year. I can't, I mean, I'll say it, you know, as a trans woman. Usually my experience is here, and my experience in Los Angeles is pretty like nonchalant. No one gives a shit, no one stares at me. Then I swear to God, as summer comes,

and more people start coming, more people from Bumble fuck America start coming into Los Angeles, I get a lot more docs, I get a lot more people just like, got straight up like staring at me, taking pictures. And I feel like I feel like it feels more violating than then outside of L.A.

Well, then other months in a year. Oh, in L.A. No, when the vacation, when I will use, I'll use Disneyland as a microcosm for this. Cause I do go to Disneyland a lot, I love Disneyland. I go to Disneyland, you know, as myself, like, you know, on the off period, like it's no big deal. I go to Disneyland in like June and July.

I've been called a Faggot, like, like, I- to Disneyland in June of July. I even call the Faggot. Like, I- At Disneyland. At Disneyland. Me too, which would be a fair amount. I'm joking, I'm joking. But yeah, which is like, you know, it was a bunch, it was like, it was a girl in a,

like last June. I went to, with a mutual friend of ours, we went to a, the Disneyland all nighter. Like it was like Disneyland was open for 24 hours. It was my first time going to Disneyland, like as Joan, like in my first time in Trance. And a girl said, hey, that's some faggot in a dress. And she was wearing a frozen t-shirt.

And it's like, you miss the whole, like, subtext of frozen. That was the message you got. Well, that's a total LGBT story. But yeah. But I'm using Disneyland as a microcosm before. And wait a minute, yes. You are into women.

Yes, that's true. How the hell do women read? Like, so I got, you know, my greatest pickup line ever made is what's your dad like. Yeah. So tell me about your dad. What is your line? Because is what's your dad like. So tell me about your dad. What is your line? Cause you got a lot going on.

Yeah, I've got a lot going on. Honestly, I mean, the, What did they say? The women who are into it, just like make it obvious that they're into it. Honestly, I approach you. Yeah, it doesn't happen like a lot, but it's like, it's easy to tell.

The women who are into it, like are, I are clearly into it. It doesn't take much to like, it doesn't take much decoding or deciphering. And they can tell that you're into women. Yeah. Yeah. Are they just given it a shot? I think they're, maybe they're given it a shot. I feel like, I do feel like people just get, like, if people are into trans women, male or female, I feel like it is still a little bit of, I mean, it's becoming more common, but it's still a little bit of a unicorn situation that they're like, they're gonna give us, like, oh, say.

Well, this is what I've noticed about women. First of all, if women are into you, they're into anything. Like, when, within reason, anything respectful, but any preferences you have women are into. You know what I'm talking about? If they're, whatever you wanna do, I don't, you wanna dress up like Santa? You If there is, whatever you want to do, I don't, you want to dress up like Santa. You want, like, whatever you want to do in the bedroom.

You want them to call you Gandalf. You want them to act like a hobbit. They'll act like a hobbit. They'll do, they like you. I'm not comparing you to, I'm saying my experience. Like they'll do. And what I've noticed about cross-dressing, and I have done it for nerds.

I was the sexy lady grandmaumbling. I remember Greta Gremlin. I remember Greta Gremlin. Yeah, I was a nice red dress. You know how I got that dress? How? It was a traumatic experience. I went to Goodwill. Yeah. And I was trying on the the fattest dress they had. Like the big I just grabbed the three biggest red dresses they had and imagine the gigantic Mexican woman who had worn them before me. I took them into the changing room. And I didn't know, I never put on a dress before when I was preparing to be the sexy lady Gremlin.

So I didn't know how to put them on. I unzipped it and tried to put the dress on like a shirt. I later found out that this was incorrect. It got, it got it, it should be on the tag. I, it got about down to my armpits. Yeah. I wedged the biggest, the biggest, the one down to my armpits.

And then it, it cinched around me in a way, in like a, like a rubber band in a way that I could not move. So I was sitting in the dressing room at a good will with my arms sticking straight up in the air. Like, you know, I'm a, I got, I'm a mussel guy. I can't touch my back without being in a dress prison. So when I got into this like straight jacket, I couldn't do anything.

That's when you just wear it out of the store. Dude, I had to ask for help. I had to go, I opened the door, like I leaned over, like a, like one of those wacky waving inflatable arm filling two men at the car, like I leaned over, like one of those wacky waving inflatable arm-flowing tube men at the car lots. I leaned over, popped it open and then just waited for the person to come over and say, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, at that nerds event was afterwards, women were way into it.

Yeah. Like they're like, oh, you looked really good in that dress and with those heels and it's like, all right, yeah, thanks. You're like, no, no, you look really good. Okay, calm down. What, like there's just into it. There's a definite subset of women

who are like super into it. But I get it. I think there's, I mean, for maybe a lot of women who are like super into it. But I get it. I think there's, I mean, for a lot of women, there's something about just kind of like crossing gender lines that is like, like, I think there's like a confidence to it. Like a, like that I think maybe comes off as, that's the way they like,

what do you mean crossing gender lines? They like your confidence. Yeah, they like, like a woman will see like a guy who is, you know, confident enough and they're in their sexual identity and their gender identity to like, you know, wear a dress and not feel weird and feel confident and good in it. And like, I think that's confidence comes off as sexy. I think that this is a way for men to pick up women. Yes. I think the future of Hollywood Boulevard and sunset Boulevard is, I mean, guys are already, they're going out wearing boas and giant top hats.

I think they should go full on golden girls. Like full on. Like 80s power suits. Look like Melanie Griffith from Working Girl. Yes. Yes. Sequence. Who else is, who's a big one?

Who am I trying to think of as Sunset Boulevard? Laura Desmond. Oh, Norma Desmond. Norma Desmond. Desmond Desmond. Yes. Sequence. Who else is, who's a big one? Who am I trying to think of as sunset Boulevard? Laura Desmond? Oh, it's Norma Desmond. Norma Desmond. Yes. Norma Desmond, yes. Full on. Yes.

Furs. This is the future of men picking up women is going out. Full on, dressed up. Furs. Yes. Dressed to the 9s. I mean, there are like, there's a hip-hop artist who's like, become a very popular now. And he dressed, he just wears women's clothing

when he wants to, I forget his name. But yeah, I think it's Kanye West. It's becoming a thing. But yeah, I don't know. It's one of the reasons why I think the, one of the big reasons I think like the people will pretend to be like trans to get into women's bathrooms. It's such a stupid bullshit.

Because I feel like. What is that? Like the big argument against, you don't need to pretend, you can just go in. What's that? You don't need to pretend to be a woman to go in the women's bathroom. You can just go in.

No, well, yes, there's all the time. There's not a fucking like guard at every door, making sure, like for making sure you can't go in. But I also think like, one of my big arguments is that I think to dress as a woman, like day in, day out, or even just to go out like this, takes confidence. And if you have that level of confidence,

you can probably just interact with women on a normal human level and not have to be up to some sort of shenanigans to get into their fucking bathroom. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, what's the difference interacting with women when you were a man now and now when you're a woman?

It's a lot easier. It is a lot easier. Yeah, they respond. I'm not like, it's not like, I'm not, women aren't like throwing themselves at me. Right. Like I said, I can, I can pretty easily tell the difference between a chick who's into it and one

who just wants to be like, my gal pal. But yeah, it's made everything easier. Do you think a lot of women automatically assume that you're not into women? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I do think women are more comfortable around me now as kind of like just a friend who, much more comfortable like when we're backstage,

the theater, I don't feel like there's not that kind of urgency to be like, oh, she's changing, I have to get out. Or like, they're excusing themselves into the bathroom. I feel like they're definitely more comfortable around me. But I do have to get out, or like, they're excusing themselves into the bathroom. Like, I feel like they're definitely more comfortable around me, but I do try to stay pretty, just so I'm not misrepresenting myself. I try to stay pretty honest.

I mean, I'm very honest up front with everybody, but I'm a lesbian, I'm still, I'm my sexual preference haven't changed. So that's what, is that what you call yourself? I call myself, I don't, yeah, I can be money. Yeah, I don't know to be fun. I don't know what the right term is. Like even as a trans woman, I worry that like ever,

like I'm going to say something like wrong and I'm going to get like in trouble for it. Oh, this is crazy where we've gotten. Yeah, I know, I know. I can't say anything. I mean, we are, like it is crazy, but like I even, like it is nerve-wracking because I do feel like I'm a member of a small,

like a small-ish community. And I, you know, sometimes it feels like when you talk about it, it's like, okay, you have to be representative of everybody. But it's like, I'm just like, anything I ever say is like, is me and my experience and has no bearing on like, the next, on like, the next trans woman or has anything to do with it. It's like, I'm just being honest about my experiences with that.

I think people might forget that. Your experiences are unique. Everybody's are. So it's like, and I would understand the speaking on behalf of other people, but you really can't do that as well as you can just speak to your own personal experiences. And I mean, I argue that the kind of, as gender lines get more blurred, like the idea is like we are all going to kind of like inhabit our own gender and our own sexuality. And we're just gonna be cool with like you representing yourself however you feel comfortable.

So like I think at the end of the day, yeah, I can't like, I am like my trans experience is like my trans experience, my gender identity is my gender identity and has nothing, it bears no, it has no bearing on anything on anyone else. Yeah, I think when you say stuff like in the future, it's gonna be more fluid. Yeah, I think that freaks people out. I think, I think, yeah.

I'm in the, as I'm always on pole or whatever alt-right boards, like I got, I got, I got a mainline of ultra conservativeism. Yeah. Right. And they're big claim with, or they're big problem with trends, anything, is that it's going to introduce moral degeneracy into the system. And that's all they, they always harp on that.

And every time I'm like, okay, I hear that, but I'm promoting a degree of alcoholism that is more dangerous and harmful than any kind of sexual identity. Like without a doubt. How do you guys, yeah, what do you guys, what do you mean by that? Are you also in a temperance league or something like that?

Because it's like, okay, I'm not, I don't wanna say you're wrong, but look at, just because that's the wrong fight to take. Tell someone they're wrong, they're gonna dig in their heels. But like, okay, I'll see that, but like, are you fighting all these other things? Do you think that drugs are bad, okay?

Like a liquor? Like what, let's go through all the other mechanisms. You know what I mean? You get that a lot because you, you're one of the greatest things I remember you saying is when I was doing some Trump bid, like I don't wanna talk about Trump again, but we're at the theater and I did Trump

at Tournament of Nerds and everyone was making fun of me because I wouldn't disown him. Like this was the week he came out about illegal immigration. I was like, that's my man came out at nerds, big ol fat suit and a stupid hair. I made a wall out of Ralph's bags and lying the front of the stage with it. And I'm like, this is me and I'm making jokes about Trump. Everybody's hammering me afterwards because look, you and I, we've seen a lot of persecution. Together, you as a trans woman and me as a Trump supporter in LA.

Yes, I would say maybe I'm even worse. We're not the same. You're right. I've really got more persecution. I mean, in LA, I guess you're probably right. Probably right. Someone might throw a Trump bumper stick in my laptop. Someone's going to come buy it at a coffee shop and rip it out of my hands.

Anyway, you would flip in other parts of the country, but yes, in LA, you're the pie, you're more the pariah than I am. I've suffered so much more than any other group, more than any other group. So after the show, when everyone was hammering me, they turned to you and said, can you believe this fucking idiot and his Trump shit? And you said, I remember this clear as Dave, many, many months ago, you said, well, he is unstoppable. And I said, oh, thank you, Joan. Thank you for not fucking snaling me to a cross.

Like, thank you for not parading me around the theater like a hector with his head cut off. He is on, Trump is unstoppable. You can't stump Trump. And listen, I am not a, I'm not a Trump supporter, I'm not going to vote, I'm probably not going to vote. Don't vote then, don't vote. Okay, yeah, I'm going to stay out of this, stay out of this. But I mean, I, you know, you're, I respect your reasons for supporting him and I understand just because I don't agree with them. It doesn't mean I, like, don't understand them and can't like see where you're coming.

And you have, you are convincing. There are some things you wanna be over on. Thank you. And also, I mean, as far as Trump, he's come out and said, he's cool with trans women. So what am I going to do? I was asking, what about the alt rights stance on it, which I don't think is good,

but I see a lot of people saying it. Well, I guess I would, because I mean, here's the thing. I mean, like I can understand, like from a personal standpoint, I'm like, okay, this, it makes you guys uncomfortable. And I can understand that

because it was a side of myself that I was uncomfortable with for like 30 years. Really? Yeah, I mean, I mean, I, you know, these were feelings I have been dealing with since I'd say like, I was like four or five and it was like- I was gonna ask that. Yeah, and it was only until,

and it was only like in the last like five years of my life that I kind of was in a place where I felt like free to explore them and, I mean, but it was scary. It was a scary thing and I can understand like, in the culture we've all kind of grown up in, that, you know, is pretty hard on gender lines, I can understand why it would be a scary thing. And it's like you see your world changing and that's scary,

and maybe you're looking inside yourself, and there's a part of you that wants to change and that's scary. So it's not like I can't appreciate it, but what I would, like,, like where this fear comes from, because I think our culture creates that fear. But what I'd say is like at the end of the day, like this moral degradation you're talking about, like what specifically do you think is going to happen?

What specifically, like if people start saying, like I'm the gender I want to be, if men start, if men are wearing dresses and women are wearing whatever, like, I guess, or like, women have always worn pants, but whatever. And it's disgusting. It's, yes, like, I think nobody should wear pants,

pants are gross. And for dresses, dresses, I mean, they feel amazing. I don't know how I ever dealt with pants. It's insane to me. But, like, what do you specifically think is going to happen? What is this end of the world apocalypse scenario that comes about from trans people embracing their identity? Yes.

They could think that it's going to become Sodom and Gomorrah and God is going to destroy the world. I don't know. I think that a lot of people who have a problem with it don't differentiate between the LGBT community within that. And they just, they go, it's going to make our kids gay. Well, I think it's almost as simple as that in a lot of people's homes. Here's the thing. My, my experience, I have two very different experiences with trans women, you know, it's to them. Yeah, but like there are, there are people who are in, there's probably a trans woman, a homeless trans woman walking by my apartment right now

who's out of her fucking mind, right? And it seems like they're giving you guys some bad PR. I don't wanna, it feels hard to talk, to talk, say stuff like they're giving us bad PR, because that homeless trans woman that's walking by your apartment right now is probably homeless because life is so, until recently, and it still really is, life is hard for trans women. Especially if you come from, I mean, I'm a very fortunate.

I was fortunate to come out as trans in a world of privilege, in a world where it was accepted and embraced, in a world where I had, I wasn't going to lose my job because of it. If anything, it's like, people are, I feel like I get more work because of it, because the world I'm in, people are interested in it, and our support diversity,

and want to get more diverse voices into it. But if you're a trans woman of color from like the inner city, life is very hard. It's much harder than the experience I've had of the trans woman. And you have to, it probably gets you into, it gets you into like selling your body. It gets you into drugs.

And like, I think it drives you to homeless. It can like drive people to homelessness. And I'm not like an expert on this. I'm, it's just like the little bit I know. But like, you know, maybe it's bad, maybe, yeah, it's a bad PR for us, but it's like, because the world like has, has, it's so indifferent and sometimes even cruel to these women that, uh, they're out of control.

They're out of control. 40%. Like, I mean, 40% of reported taxes are... Families don't understand, they disown them. Um, and I feel, I feel bad about going, instead of such a soapbox. But like, in certain parts of the taxes. Yeah, families don't understand. They disown them. And I feel bad about going instead of such a soapbox, but like in certain parts of the country, like it might as well be legal to murder a trans woman of color. Like it might as well be like,

like there's no pun, you can't get punished for it. There's that fucking law that says like, oh, if like, like, there's like, I think there are still trans panic laws in effect in certain places trans panic uh... train i don't know if it's actually a call but they're they the ideas that if like uh... you're cookie if like if if a dude is hooking up with a woman and then like realizes halfway through that like oh this is a true that whatever this a trans woman she yet she still has a dick. And he murders her, it was justified.

He can get off on that because he was in a state of trans panic. Oh wow, I know about that. Yeah, I mean, like I said, I'm kind of all the time I head here and I don't know that they're specifically called trans panic laws but basically there are laws like that in effect or they're were very recently in it.

So like, yeah, you just say like I was shocked, I just get a dick and I like freaked out and I, and yeah, so it's, I mean, it's awful. I really got them so far off the topic of some of the vacations, but let's go to the last question. You got a tip for us? Oh, take lifts everywhere. Like take lifts everywhere. Like take, like take

lifts everywhere because, um, I find out myself in a lot of positions where I want to like spontaneously drink and it's, it's good not to have my car around. So I take, like take lifts everywhere. How are you going to say? Lifts over Uber. Yeah. Why? Um, Uber's are, I honestly just think there's a much higher ratio of like creepy Uber drivers Uber drivers to lift drivers. You're right. Yeah, I mean, not to send it back into the trans issue, but I get a lot, I get aggressively head on by Uber drivers way more. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Wow. Uber drivers are not, I say the ratio, it happens on lift too. I'd say, but I'd like the ratio, it happens on lift two, I'd say but I'd say like the ratio in lift is like some lift driver will start talking about how cute I am, either that sounds shit pretentious, but I mean, it's happened guys. We'll talk about like maybe one out of every 30 or 40 with lift it felt like it was happening

like every 13 or 14. And then there's just like Uber drivers who are like downright like, like, like, transphobic to me. You know, those, those Uber drivers that hit on women, Yeah. It always pisses me off because that woman is probably on her way to see a guy. And you're just poisoning that guy's night. Yeah.

Like nobody wants, no woman wants to shoot, you want her to show up feeling like she just got chauffeur to your apartment. Like I've called, I've been too drunk to go see her. I'll dial up women on Uber, used to dial up women on Uber all the time. And it's like, I think about it like a car service, right? Like it's like a carriage pulling up for them, they get to feel fancy,

they don't, it feels like it should cost way more than it does. But a guy hammer peppering her with an invitation to hook up the whole time, really fucks up my experience. Very, just recently I was like taking, like I was, it was like after a long fucking day of work, I got in the fucking lift. I like, and I was like hot and gross. And like I took my wig off cause it was like after a long fucking day of work, I got in the fucking lift, I like, and I was like hot and gross, and like I took my wig off

just cause it was like too hot to deal with. And they do just starts like, he starts like coming onto me, he's like, oh, do you have roommates? Are they all as like cute as you? And I'm like, I don't look cute right now, buddy. Like I'm like, I'm, my hair's down, my makeup is running, and it was so like in truth.

And of course, it was like the longest lift ride I had to take in like months. It was like from lift or Uber. This was lift, this was like the longest lift ride I had to take in like months. It was like from lift or Uber. This was lift, this was a lift. So they don't even, it even happens. But sometimes I just, like I guess I, maybe it's just some, it's like, if these dudes are into like,

like cross-stresses or trans women, it's such like a rare occasion that one gets into their lift. It's like a jackpot to them. Yeah, it's like all right, we gotta go. We gotta go out and pull the stops. Yeah, gotta pull the lever, cause I gotta pull the best lines I got. Yeah, it's like, all right, man. We gotta go out and pull out all the stops. Yeah, gotta pull the lever, cause-

I gotta pull the best lines I got here. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I guess I could have picked, I mean, I, it was more just attacked to get him off my case, but I guess if I, like, was thinking like, if I was, like being slightly more mischievous, I could have been like, meet me at the, meet me inside the bear cage at the Los Angeles Zoo at 1215.

Yeah. That would have been, yeah. Okay. It's a good tip. Yeah. Take lift. Especially if you want to drink. If you want to drink, don't, but I guess not, yeah. Okay, it's a good tip. Yeah. Take left. If you want to drink a lemon, better guess not, yeah, just deal with it.

Okay, Johnny, I got Dustin Sinowa on the line. He is the chief of the Dickheads on Facebook. He's got some updates for us. Is that right, Dustin? Oh, my brother. Hey, how you doing? Dick, how's it going? Pretty good.

Pretty good. It was a week of rage. Week of good. It was a week of rage. Week of rage. It was a week of rage for me, starting with my fourth of July getting ruined. My fourth of July firework spectacular getting ruined. Oh, the gun show. Yeah, so my life coach and I had the brilliant plan

to shoot blanks off with our guns. But several things got in the way of that. Number one, I found out that big cities have microphones spread out around the city to triangulate where guns are being blasted off. No shit. Yeah. Yes.

Nathan St. Antoine sent this to me in an email. It'd be real careful about your shooting guns off because they use it like a seismograph. Like they'll set up microphones and then they've got a computer system that figures out where within like within a yard, where that gun was fired, which I never thought of until he sent it. But this idiot across the alley from my apartment was having, there was this huge fight happening, which if you live in, if you live in an apartment in a city that borders like a really shitty apartment, it's the best, it's the most entertaining thing ever.

When my, my neighbors used to get in fights where they would, they would come out throwing, like throwing plates and shit down the stairs. I never want to see you again. And they would throw each other's crap down the stairs. I never want to see you again. They would throw each other's crap down the stairs. I would play it so they could just be Greek. Yeah. It's like a quinceaniera. Yeah.

I would crawl. I would shut all the lights off in my apartment and crawl over the door and slide my phone under to try to record these huge fights they would have. So I could play it to everybody afterwards. Anyway, they're having a huge fight across the alley. And I hear the woman say, I swear to God, I heard this. Well, what are you gonna do? Shoot it or something like that?

Well, what are you gonna do? Shoot me. And the next thing I heard is a definitely a gun. Like blasting off, the guy blasting is gun off. And I was like, holy shit. So I turn all the lights off and jump up to see what's happened. Instantly, a helicopter, an LAPD helicopter climbs over the mountains and starts circling around the apartment.

No, shit. And I always wondered, like, there's no way, there's no way that many people must have called this in. Yeah. So they would know exactly where it is, but this guy was on the money. Like his spotlight was right on that guy's window. Wow. That sounds like a serious invasion of privacy.

And I actually, I think I read something online that they're using that technology now for Pokemon Go. Wait a minute, what technology? They're luring people and mugging them. Who? Well, that new app. They're triangulating. Because they're getting people who generally don't spend a lot of time outside. Wait? Well, that new app. They're triangulating. Because they're getting people who

generally don't spend a lot of time outside. Well, hold on, hold on, start over. What is, what is Pokemon go? So, okay, Pokemon go is this game that's like an app game for your phone. Okay. Totally, it's set in the quote unquote Pokemon universe, but it used your GPS to use your real-life location to play the game. So what's been happening is people have been setting up these real-life locations where people would basically triangulate their signal and

Then rob those people. So they would say, okay, there's like there's like eight or nine people coming to this one location Because there's like a gym or whatever where you fight, you battle. So they would set it up and then lure people in to rob them. Oh, that's what's going on with Pokemon Go. Yeah. Yeah, it's the same triangulation stuff you're talking about. Do they steal all their Pokemon? Yeah, that's the thing.

They leave that robbery. I think they stole their wallet, their phone, and their Pokemon, and their badges. Well, so, so my life coach and I got split up. We probably would have still decided to do that if we were doing it at his place, but I went up to my brother-in-law's place. I stopped on the way to get like the most expensive fireworks show ever. Like the biggest thing you can legally get in the US, I get up there to give these kids a thrill.

First of all, when I say I'm gonna go outside to do this, all of the men follow me out with looks on their, with the attitude of like, oh, impress us with this shit, right? I'm a guy's, it's not gonna impress you. This is, these are sparklers and fountains. So these guys, as I'm trying to do a show for little children, these young dads, as they will do, file out behind me into the front yard. And then all across their arms, like, okay, so when's the, let's see the fireworks, dude, let's see this, let's see this fucking show that you think you're so great at. I'm like, guys, this is, this is for kids, right? Like go get, go get the

kids and bring them out here. This isn't for you. Your grown men, the only thing that it excites you is buying things and maybe getting a blowjob from your wife later. Like, that's what, that's what you're into. You're not going to like my $100 fireworks display. Because you only like it the first time you see it, right? So they go back in and get the kids. All the kids come out. My three-year-old nephew is very suspicious, but he's kind of warming up to the fireworks as we go. I'm doing like a little one here then I bring three out then I bring four out and he's getting more and more into it. Right when the big $60, 500 grams of gun powder

right when the big one comes out. I'm like, here we go. Here's the big one. My sister comes out and says, hey, you can kind of see some fireworks shooting off in the backyard. Why don't we go back there? And of course the kids are gone.

I'm like, what the fuck? What did you do that for? Because they could see I'm 15 seconds earlier. Yeah, they couldn't even see anything. Yeah. Anyway, all right, Dustin, what do you got from the Facebook group? So, okay, dickhead group on Facebook. It's called the dick show.

It's facebook.com slash groups slash the dick show. Right. In the last week, it doubled in size. Wow. The group is huge. It's growing. It is growing. The DIC had a army is a massing. Cool. It has an update from last week. We had that one question from Lisa Marie Garrett. She's the girl who had, who was a librarian, that had purchased men are better than women and then checked it into the library as a book for rental.

Now, we had said that your book had not been rented yet. So, Shiver. The episode came out on Tuesday, July 5th. Wednesday, July 6th, gone. Book rented. Hey! All right. That's a win.

That's a big win. Yeah, this technology is amazing. So, good update. Good update from Lisa. Good question. And that's amazing. Thank you update, good update from Lisa, good question, and that's amazing. Thank you so much. If you want to buy more copies of the book

and check them into your local library, anybody can do that. I think that's not like just a Michigan thing or, you know. Yeah, that's awesome. For anybody. Thank you. You want to start with a DicTip request that we have or we have a couple of questions from the Facebook group.

Would you prefer the tip request? That sounds good. All right, this is,, sorry, the tip requires. That sounds good. All right, this is, all right, this is a little interesting. Okay. So it comes from a girl named Amanda, Amanda L. She says, Hi, Dick, my name is Amanda and I am 24. I've been dating a guy named Jared for two months and things are moving pretty fast.

One thing that was kind of- As they do at 24. You know, well, I guess they're still kind of moving fast for her, but she says things are moving kind of fast. One thing that was kind of as they do it. You know, well, I guess they're still kind of moving fast for her, but she says things are moving kind of fast. One thing that was kind of unexpected was Jared is kind of kinky. I've never been with a guy into stuff like this, and I don't really know where to begin. I want to surprise him and tie him up,

but privacy is a bit of an issue. We both still live at home and don't really have a long time. I don't know where to go or even how to go about making this a reality for him. Do you have a dick tip for me? Thanks, I love the new show. Keep it up for me with a winky emoji. We know that winky emoji. Oh, with the tongue sticking out.

Yeah. That makes it hard to read. You get a winky emoji. I know everybody, but when the tongue sticks out, it adds a whole nother layer of emotion that they could possibly mean on that. Like, it could just be a fun one. You don't know what women mean

when they have a tongue thrown in there. Right? Jared's not listening to Beans with you. Well, Jared probably, if, oh yeah, because he wants to get tied up. He probably loves this. I think he can, you guys can use living at home to your advantage, because I bet getting walked in on is a turn on for him.

Like do it in their parents bedroom like 30 minutes before they're supposed to get home. I bet he'll love that. I'm probably mortified, her though. But she's into it. No, she's into it. And she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, She takes will adapt.

So whatever kink you're into, yeah. With the parents, so she's got it, especially's into it. Yeah, and she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I just meant I just meant tying up I did not mean taking pictures of me and putting them on Facebook real it back in a little bit But the tie is she sure it's tying up that he wants She's just she's kinky so it's kinky. Yeah, I don't know. I would assume from what she's saying She wants to tie him up and surprise him with that, but just the fact that they live with their, you know, they each live with their parents, there's no like privacy.

So I think she's looking for just any sort of advice of what she should do, maybe take her to the Salvation Army, like you said earlier, and put on a dress, you know, that would kind of be like bondage, you said earlier. So... Well, I've never got to tie up fantasy. I've been tied up.

I got tied up at Burning Man. I went to one of these Japanese rope tying bondage things. And this chick there tied me up and was slapping my tits around. And I'm like, I don't understand this because I still have the power of manipulating you. And that's what I had to begin with. Having my arms tied up, it doesn't weaken me at all. This does not make me feel a loss of control because I can still say magical things that will make you do what I want.

You'd have to tie that up for me to feel vulnerable. You know what I mean? That's not the ball gag you need. Ooh. No, I think I could still communicate somehow with body language or something. They gotta go camping. That's what you do.

This is where, this is what horror movies are made for. It's kids trying to escape their parents so they can go bang somewhere safely and do weird stuff out in the woods. Where, do we know where they're from? She doesn't say. Okay. She doesn't say. There's also, I mean, you can,

I'm pretty sure they're like, like, you can go to like Dungeons. Or Airbnb. Airbnb. Yeah, Airbnb's, but if she really wants to take it up, like go rent an, like an like a, for like a, an R2. I think you're totally right though,

that he, if he's really kinky and into time, I think he, like, love his parents to maybe walk. Yeah, because that's like a real, like, that's like a real pressure that like you can't, like you can't pretend, like it's like that's going to freak him out and it's gonna like, yes, send him over to the top, do that. And the parents bedroom, yeah, like tied up

with his dad's belt. Yeah, yeah. That's like definitely a panic attack waiting to happen. That's a bad experience. That sounds horrible, right? It does sound horrible. Man, I don't even want my parents in a hundred, I don't even want to share the same planet with my parents

if I'm bangin' somebody. I don't want to share this house. I don't want to walk in on me. So this is a good segue into one of the questions. All right, let's hear it. That somebody wrote in for, and I think that was a great dick tip. So this question comes from Mike Osborne,

and this is almost a quantum leap sandbeck sandbecket nightmare scenario of its own. Oh boy. Where your mother and your lady friend have swapped bodies due to some terrible 80s movie plot. Oh my god. The only way to get them back is to have sex with them. Both of them? Uh, they have to have sex with each other. So do you fuck your girlfriend's mind in your mother's body or your mother's mind in your girlfriend's body?

And that's from my cosborne. Huh, I think I just leave. Just leave while I live in a country. They can figure it out. I let my dad figure it out. I love that. I'm gonna have a gay old time figuring that one out. So you got the one. Oh, we won. Okay, so you need to have sex with either your girlfriend's body with your mother's mind in it or your mother's body with your girlfriend's mind in it. So you would remember the situation and then whoever's mind you picked would remember the situation, but the body wouldn't necessarily.

But then you have to live with that for the rest of your life. Well, it's a dilemma because my mom is very beautiful and stays fit, but she's also a very sweet woman. So she'd probably be an excellent lover. I don't know which one I would want to bang more to be honest. That's a really, that's a real hard choice. Jon Shon, you have no idea what that is. I mean, you got the Pilates, you got weekly multiple Pilates on the woman, right? But then

the experience of my mom's mind, well, that's, I got on a pass that up. Yeah. I think go for the mom's mind in the girlfriend's body. Because you don't, because like once, there's not like, who cares? Once the gross incest, I feel like incest is all like, it's just, you don't wanna, you don't want those gross chromosomes. Yeah, but see, if I'm looking at the girlfriend's body, I'm gonna be thinking about the girlfriend's mind too,

and that's gonna turn me off. I want no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want out of this podcast. All right, what else you got? Okay, so another question that came in, this one's from Nico Gen Chesky. Okay. If you had a daughter, what lifelong Dictip, would you give her about the world to prepare her? Never put out. Never ever.

Just string, string guys. That's the only way you know if a guy loves you. If he, if he's still around, you haven't slept with him for like 10 years, that's how you know you got any tips on you. Yeah, nope. There you go. That's my tip. So those are two great questions that again, Facebook.com slash groups slash the Dick show. Okay. Dustin, thanks a lot for thanks for being on the show. Thanks for putting us together. Joan Ford, thank you for being here. Is there anything you want to plug? Yes, I have a book out right now. It's called Killing It. It is a kind of guide for how

to be a woman in an action film, but it can be read by anybody who enjoys action movies. Now wait a minute. A woman in an action film. Yes. You're talking about alien, like these are female action heroes. These are like less, less, less, less Ripley from alien and more like how to be what's her face from Jurassic World, Bryce Douse Howard from Jurassic World.

Is that the red head? Yeah, how to be her? How to be, how to be, no, she survives, but like by doing nothing, it's how to be like a strong, like a strong female character. She resisted Chris Pratt. I don't think any woman on earth could resist Chris Pratt. For most of the movie, but they get together at the end though. Chris Pratt and Bryce Ellis, she holds out for a while, but not forever.

What is the tone of your book? It is, I guess I would describe it as... You're mocking this character. She holds out for a while, but not forever. What is the tone of your book? It is, I guess I would describe it as... You're mocking this character. Yeah, this character architect. So what's some examples of something that a woman should do in an action movie? Oh, well, there's a section about what he says, but what he means section, where it's like, when a guy in action movie says, and what he actually means.

Like what? So like, when a guy says, this is like a Wolverine-esque character, what a guy in action movie says and what he actually means. Like what? So like when a guy says there was a, like this is like it would be like a Wolverine-esque character like a super soldier who's like, they are, there's only one design flaw. They gave me a soul. And then in what that translate to is like, I'm a nice guy, a K boring.

So you can know our guys like that. But guys who are like But guys who are like guys who are like every like everyone I've ever known and love died means there. Oh yeah, you got to fuck that guy. Yeah, that means they're available. It means they play Superman. Yes. It's the most Superman. And there's there's sections about like how to turn like your that's what I say to women. Every podcast I've been on got killed everyone I've met every day. I'm dead news. There's sections on I've done things that'll irreparably

harm my personal and professional reputation. You don't want to have anything to do with me, baby. If you've got a reputation that's either personal or professional, you got to stay far away from dick stuff like that stuff like that. Exactly. It's like, if you killing it, killing it. Yeah, it's perfect for if you want to be far away from dick. Stuff like that. Stuff like that, exactly. It's like, if you, if you, It's killing it. Killing it. Yeah, it's perfect for, if you want to be a woman in an action movie or someone who destroys a successful podcast, they're on either one, take it up.

Both things to aspire to. Both things to aspire to. We're going to get it. It's on Amazon.com right now. Cool. So just go to Amazon, look for killingit by Joan Ford and send me your money. Cool. Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you. All right. Next time, I'll talk about Tim Chang. I got a thing with him. I got a beef with him that escalated at Dodger Stadium during Korean night this week. Yeah, which went off pretty well, except for a couple extra Rs in the national anthem that, that drew a round of booze from the crowd,

but otherwise a great night anyway. This has been the Dick's Show. This is Dick Masterson. Thanks for listening. See you next Tuesday. For a Dendel's name for his black exploitation version of hangover. He should name it blackout. Uh, uh, that's fucking too much. That's really funny. I hope he does. You should have left your name, dude. Hello, Dick Masterson. This is Hedgeman 24 calling about your recent delivery, which you have reported with stolen.

It's a puppet. We are calling to inform hornet that's your order of basic standing cream. We'll be reshipped to you at no charge. My manager who is with me, you understand that on track which you've left behind, so we'll be reshipping this time using UPS. What? I know how to spell UPS. Oh, the name is UP yet. What a stupid name.

We hope you are satisfied with our service. I'm sorry. I'm manager. I love it. I love service. I'm out of comedy. Oh, you're so good. Okay, I want one. Marty, this is Kermity Vrug. Yeah, here's no one. Oh my God, you're awesome.

If I can fix that ring, then I'm not even going to ring it all. If it's not nice and short, you know, it sounds so corny as fuck. I can break corn balls corn like you're a soup of manics. This looks nice and short. You know, it sounds so corny as fuck. Like a big corn ball is corn, like you're a soup of manics. Anyway, here's my dick dip. Oh boy. When you're taking a shit,

you need to feel a wopper coming out. Flush, then you're like, oh God, I'm gonna get a bad splash back. And then when you pissed into the toilet, right?'m gonna get a bad splash back. Then we're gonna be pissed into the toilet right. That's not a big fact. I'm super, such a reason, super shit. It makes soup of piss below you. It's gonna splash when the turn hits right.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So what you do is you time it right, so you feel the turn about to break off. You have to flush the toilet. It lowers the water down. And it is like a Olympic diver just down. And you have a good time.

It perfectly. You'll take the turd with it. If not, nothing feels. These are flush again. Also, it's, uh, it this year, a word, never mind. Oh, so that's what that's weird Matthew McConaughey. Oh, I thought it was a deleted regular collar. I thought it was a

deleted scene from a science of the lambs, just like Buffalo Bill talking about his shitting tips for five minutes. What time did that call come in? I don't know. It's all of his calls come in after midnight. Yeah. So his plan is you flush the toilet at the perfect time

so that the poop just goes out with the flush and doesn't have the physics make it impossible for when the poop hits the water, the momentum of the water is swept out with the poop. So you get no splash back? Yeah. It's a good dictap from Weird Matthew McConaughey. All right. I'm a conner.

All right.