The Dick Show - Episode 64 - Dick on Platitudes

Episode Date: August 22, 2017

A really bad mood, a plethora of positive platitudes, throat bubbles, the stupid eclipse, UTIs or UT-lies, the Confederacy, a parody song from Hazencruz, a flatulent erotic story, virtual book burning, theme park revisionism and the eternal present, Nazis and chicks looking for free dinners, Mayweather v. McGregor, me v. The Mystery Box, the time I tried to make a movie with Edward James Olmos, the masterpeen, Mexican vocabulary, the LA show, a voicemail threatens to destroy me, and a doctoral thesis in armchair psychology when a girl wants to look at your phone; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Presenting dick! Dick! Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, dig, you need dig, you love dig, you got it! It's the only show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. With a bubble in my throat, man. That is, that, that makes me,

let me start with that rage. With me is always a Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. What's that buddy? Man, the bubble in your throat, you've got it, and when you're in the middle of a normal conversation, because everything is a blind panic to get what you're thinking out.

Before some asshole tries to stump you and interrupt you and lead it, take you off in their direction. It's like a big tug of war. I don't tug of war at all times. Pulling you in the direction that they want the conversation to go and you get that bubble in your throat. That's just building and building and building. Like a nuclear reactor ready to go off approaching that

criticality of that point where you think it's just gonna, it's just gonna spray out of your throat, spray out of your body like in the, like in the exorcist. You're just sitting there having a normal fucking conversation. And the, I don't know why we all think it's gonna go away, the bubble in your throat, I'll just power through it. It's not going away. It's just sitting there, taunting you, this little guy in your throat.

Aaaaah! You wanna sound? I bet you thought you were making a lot of good points and you sounded cool. Guess what? I'm ruining all of them. I'm just a little bubble that's sitting here in your throat and everybody knows it everybody knows everybody is suddenly aware of the reality of the situation which is you are just a walking pile of meat and bone and your ideas are they're all stupid and and that that it's just it's the same bullshit that they have in their heads. Like, oh, I'm over.

I don't need to hear anything else from you. You're just another of me. See, for a moment, I thought you were stringing all these ideas together and making sense that you had some kind of secret knowledge that I didn't, but now this bubble in your throat has shown me, yeah, you probably, you take a shit too. You're just a gross collection of decaying body parts, too. Lifted the curtain. You lifted the curtain, you saw behind my curtain

and you see there's a little bubble, but then when other people get them, we just need a bubble in the throat timeout. Mm-hmm. Everyone pause. Everyone pause. Look away. Shield your eyes,

while this person gets rid of this bubble in their throat. You ever have that happen when the first time you speak in the morning, like you haven't said anything to anybody and you're walking into work or something or you're gonna talk to somebody for the first time and they say like, hey, how you doing? You go like, whoa.

Oh, it's God damn you. Why didn't you, why didn't you give me a little notice on that? That guy, the rest of the day is gonna think like you are of some kind of fucking spastic. He really got one over on you. That's the guy he just walks around. It's never someone you made me off.

It's no, because you come for it. You'd be like, oh, the fuck was that? You know? But it's always some guy you're passing. Well, well, I work out of the, I've always worked out of the home.

Yeah, for like 10 years or whatever years. It's true, huh? Yeah, I've just lived at home, telecommunicate, you know, forever. And that's a daily issue. There's a couple of issues that come about where it's called as a home. Even like, I'll talk to somebody at 3.30

and it will be the first time I've talked all day. Yeah. So I'll tell, hey, how's it going? I'm like, I don't know. I've forgotten how phone calls work. As a bubble man is trying to claw his way out of my throat. Yeah. Yeah.

That leaving your fly open, oh yeah, which I've said many times before, I've totally lost the ability to zip my fly up. I'd have to relearn it. You just forget it's like not muscle memory. Well, because it's such a, I drink so much to stay hydrated. Yeah.

Because it's very important to stay hydrated. Yeah. First thing, first thing anybody says, if anything is wrong, you're hydrated. Yeah. You got that already today. Oh, first thing. Oh, man, my blood pressure is really high on this thing.

Well, you have you been drinking water? You know what? Water's not the solution to everything. Yeah. It's, it's, I don't know. Do I have enough hydrogen in me and oxygen? How does that, it's the, it's not like a power source that my body's using to fix everything I've got.

Water. I think it's just, I thought it was just white people too. my body's using to fix everything I've got, water. I think it's just, I thought it was just white people too. It's like that at Burning Man. Every, like, it's the cult of water. Big water. It's no, it's a cult of water. It's that everybody thinks the great pumpkin in the form, yeah.

In the form of a big water ball, what is a water monster? Like a giant Gerados is gonna come one day and reward all the people that have been drinking enough water. Their whole lives. Oh, constantly, man. I'm so sick of being hydrated. I think I subconsciously try to avoid being hydrated because of it.

Yeah. Like, I don't drink it. That would be the way that you work. I can't stop it. I can only try to be aware of it and compensate for the water demon that's inside of me that's always trying to get out through my throat. Yeah. I go, I know what you're up to.

Only until the whites of my eyes have dehydrated themselves down into the pupils, like sponge Bob, that's the only time I'll drink water. Otherwise, no. Fish make love in it. I want nothing to do with it. Okay. Water is a mechanism for delivering ethanol to your brain. That's why it exists.

Well, yeah, we improved it. delivering Ethanol to your brain. That's why it exists. Well, yeah, we, you know, we improved it. Yeah, that's what it was there for. Yeah. God, damn it, I'm in a really bad mood today for some reason. Last week, Stereos, coconut was on. We had a three hour political discussion. Yeah.

Let me see, I had the, I had some comments for that. I'll read them now, because it's apropos. Ah. Usually I'll save comments for the middle. Yeah, true. Here. James Schaefer said, this was by far the worst episode of the Tick Shell.

Jesus. I couldn't even finish it. I'm sorry, Dick. But if the stereos becomes a habit, I'll have to take my money elsewhere. James, James is gonna take his money to a rival because of the intense political commentary that we had on that episode. Well, he came right out with it, didn't he?

Yeah, it was his fault, you're right. It's what, it seemed like it. Yeah. No, I mean, it seemed. He came out swaying in. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know. I love it when he's on me too. I love it when he's on. Definitely a part of the show. Please, he did Cuxmas, Karelz. Aaron Walker Cuffman said, a stereosis of better co-host than Maddox ever was because he disagrees.

And he's funny. This was probably the best episode so far. I liked all the arguing. Yeah. With the Dix show lawyer, Keon, we have another Sean in the show. Plus the content to Goss ratio is perfect. Cheers to the show. So I don't know. Oh, I, I don't think a stereosis been on a bad episode. No. He's, he's boisterous. He's boisterous. He's opinionated. He does. Yeah. I mean, he really is a, he is truly on the opposite, generally has the opposite viewpoints that you do. Yeah. And he's a big personality.

Yeah. He's a big personality and he's funny. He is funny. I'm okay, let me see. I should get into what makes me a rage this week. The internet lost its mind. This week, did you see that? No. into what makes me a rage this week. The internet lost its mind this week. Did you see that?

No. This Nazi shit is getting out of control. Cloud, like a big cloud flare, Google, these big DNS companies basically burned their websites off the internet. Like you've heard of book burning, right? All we have today is, well, we purchased your wholeged your whole site virtually you're no longer on the internet Take that We're the you remember all that net neutrality stuff

Well, we are we really didn't like these guys. Yeah, so we just deleted their website. Yeah Okay You stay been on there for decades now It's fucking dangerous man. It's very fucking dangerous fucking dangerous And I I Feel like it's I don't like it when people make decisions based on like you know the moral high ground Well, it's I don't know. No, we don't it's it's bad. It's bad fucking news It's terrifying. People who never who are

Unquestionably right in their minds. Okay, cupid kicked a Nazi off of their dating website. Have you ever used okay, cupid? No, and I'm guessing the Nazi probably wasn't doing all that well anyway on okay, cupid. Well, so what if he was? Yeah. No, I'm just saying. I mean, there's chicks on okay, cupid looking for free dinner. That's a lot more offensive that has a nationalist from a defund political party in the thirties and forties like that can actually hurt me uh... i can get skunked out of twenty or forty bucks with that one uh... where were you where were you guys on that one okay cute but

uh... thanks for keeping thanks for keeping me safe from the one, the one piece of shit tissue in the deluge of Dix flooding it every woman on your dating site. You want to know what the experience is as a woman on a dating site? And I don't know this, I'm just a pining. Feel free to jump in and back me up ladies if you agree, because I think it's degenerate for a woman to be on a dating side.

I always say, don't do it. Whatever you do, don't do it. And if you're thinking about doing it, just imagine, imagine being in a porta-potty that's been at a monster truck rally for five hours and then you're in it and you get tipped over on the door. And it's just a deluge of shit that doesn't want to be in the toilet anymore, leaping out at you. Hey, take me home with you.

Take me, take me, take me, pick me, pick me, pick me, shit shit shit. That's what it's like I Imagine That is fucking vile But what but they they've managed to remove the Nazi one. Oh, yeah from the ah get this guy out of here like what what service Clearly he ate sauerkraut This piece of poop. That's way worse. Get it out of here. They're tweeting about it. I was like, yeah, okay.

So why, why wouldn't you sign up? Do I get hit with like 10 fake spam accounts for like Russian brides who are trying to milk me out of cash for like a shitty porn? What about that? Can you guys just get back to trying to make what you're supposed to be making? Can you try doing that? God damn it, it's so frustrating. Okay, okay, but it's not see free. Sean. Oh good. If you want put a little banner on there. Yeah, yeah, now gluten free. Sean. Oh good. If you want put a little banner on there. Yeah. Yeah. Now gluten free.

No, not see free. If you want to be a Nazi on our dating site, you got to hide it. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha We don't wanna make any cakes for gay people. And somebody will say, oh good, good, good, good, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That should be a lot. They shouldn't be a lot to do that. Well, so they should what just legally be required to lie about it? I mean, it's a pretty easy call.

Oh, oh, you mean I just have to lie about it? Okay. So, you, you just let him fuck up! God damn it! Let him be out and proud! And then you know, you know exactly who they are! Oh, that guy! God, don't support.

Uh, it is, it is scary. Cause I've been kicked out of everything for the same, just cause it's offensive. Yeah. Yeah. And I think you can make the argument that I'm worse, cause it's like funny. Mm. Like, matter by the way, it's funny. It's funny though.

So, you know, it gets a broader audience, right? But like, no, it walks that line, right? You're like, you kind of don't know. Kind of don't know what ideas this is, this book is promoting. Yeah. Like, it's, nothing's just funny. Mm-hmm.

So who's next? Mm-hmm. Who's next? That's what I wanna know. Who's next? Oh. I don't know if that exactly makes me a rage though. You know what does make me a rage?

The fucking eclipse. Oh. The eclipse will have happened on the Monday before the show comes out. I see. On Monday. Yeah. You know who's, you know who's not gonna see it?

This guy, you, this guy, and people work. People who work, yeah, gotta hear about it though. I wanna see it. Yeah? Yeah, I looked up tickets to go see it. It's like two grand. Where's the best viewing place to? There's a whole stretch starting up in Portland

and going on down to like, Northwest is really, you'll get the, yeah, cuts right through, cuts right through Lincoln, Nebraska. Oh, maybe I'll hop up to Lincoln, Nebraska. Mm-hmm. Oh, too grand, like, come on man. Really want to see this. Mm-hmm.

Once in a lifetime, right? Is it? I don't know, do you remember seeing a total eclipse? A total eclipse? No, I can't remember how complete the eclipses were that I've been alive for. Sun blocks out. You can see everybody's skeleton.

Sweet. Stuff starts floating off the ground because of the moons, gravity, gravel and shit like that. Dolphins go back to walking on land. Yeah. Chick start taking their clothes off. It all comes back down like that. Right. Dolphins go back to walking on land. Yeah. Yeah. Chick start taking their clothes off. Yeah. It all comes back down to that.

Well, it does. Yeah. That's the... Neal, the grass Tyson hopped on Twitter. Oh, boy. Hey, everybody. It's, uh... What, what kind of idiotic statements do you think...

This clips happen. For everybody who's saying how rare it is. I mean, it clicks. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it is. I mean, click, if you go. It happens once on earth every two years. So it just calm down. Calm down.

I thought you get to get away with this shit because you were like a guy who's supposed to promote science. That guy's such a fucking asshole. Fuck Neil to grass ties. And he's so fucking obnoxious. It's not that rare, as he said. Okay, yeah, all right. I mean, I guess anybody-

So dude, how often, oh, that's my okay, Cuban profile. How often do you suck dick? Not rarely, or not that rarely. Oh, okay, so what's that? Like, once a week, once a month, once every two years, that's rare, that's not rare to this guy. Peace is shit. I'm missing out on all the jokes, too, on the eclipse day.

Yeah. Like, oh, if God wants me to drink today, just give me a sign. Give me a big sign if, if like blocking out the sun or something like that. Yeah. You're waiting for any big, funny decisions. That'll be the day to do it. Okay. I'll tell you what really makes me rich though. Yeah. Have you ever been to an Airbnb? Yeah. There's this weird phenomenon about some Airbnb's and you know the second you walk in the door It is the abundance of

overly positive chick platitude paraphernalia that is adoring every single goddamn wall in these places. I don't get, I don't get this experience because I'm not not going around with a bunch of different girls anymore. You know what I'm saying?

But it's this, it's like you walk in, it's like you walk into their apartment. The only reason I know about this is because I was recently in an Airbnb. You walk into their apartment and it is like walking into an AA book. Yeah. Every single wall, friends, love, friends, family, love, self, like a 10 foot tall neon sign that says love yourself. I know exactly what you're talking about. You're saying specifically Airbnb. I'm saying specifically chicks. Oh, okay, yeah,

okay. And they're overly saccharine platitudes on every every every single thing is a fortune cookie in these houses, in these apartments. You can't, if you pick up the soap, it has a positivity message under it, telling you that you, telling you that you're a good person, telling you that you can do it, right? I don'thuh. I don't understand what kind of engine this is that needs this overwhelming, it's like the opposite of a fortress of solitude, just a fortress of positivity, cramming these brainwashing messages of hope and friendship and love all all day nonstop like being at a bar with sports just crammed into your eyeballs. Well, and that's I think that they try to do it to

guys, but it's like everything, you know, pain is just weakness, leaving the body, all those stupid things, you know. It's like being in a gym, like their chicks. Like they just go in. Beauty is you. You is beauty, you are strong, and then a butterfly. Yeah, and then a butterfly. It's like, it's like being in a fucking mausoleum. It's really fucks with your head. Yeah. And I was

only there for one night. I always see that in bathrooms. You see what I'm bad. I see those kind of little signs or whatever. Always something by the sink, you know, little platitudes like that. Love yourself every day. Love even in the toilet, you pick up the lid, love your shit. Yeah. Great, great job. Yeah You're losing weight really you're looking great. Yeah, it's a little you step on a scale and these apartments just spins around Just got a bunch of compliments. I can't just right. I remember a scale that perfect a scale that we had as a kid and like the scale

It was this green scale. I don't know where it came from but what it said on the scale it said hey fatso yeah did it work? you're skinny I don't know I mean that's when I was like you know four or five something like that I'm gonna wear it came from but like that's what they used to put on scales because you know because it was funny hey fatso it's a real sick insight yeah people living in their customized space. I think I prefer, hey, Fatso, to whatever's going on today. Me too.

At least it's more real. Yeah. And I defy anyone to show me how that gave someone a needing disorder. It's empty platitudes and then weird, momentos of fringe of friend activities. Like paint and sip those get shit faced and paint shitty versions of classic impressionist paintings. I don't know about that. It's a whole different world, Sean.

I believe it. That you sit in for a moment and you wanna slit your wrists in about 30 minutes. Well, I don't sit in. Between all the fucking positivity on one wall, and then on the other one, you don't know what a paint and sip class is. No, oh my God.

So you go, you get a group of your friends. Sounds like drinking. It sounds like wine. And then you have a memento of your mediocrity that you bring home on a two foot canvas and put on the wall like your parents putting it on the fridge except now you're your parents. This is what I did.

I did a shitty job copying a famous painting. But I was drunk, but I was, but I was having a good time. Right, I was having a good time. So it's good enough to hang up on the wall. I just love looking at it. Mm-hmm. I don't understand it.

It's like, it's like living in an office where everything is a hang in their kitty porch grid. Like they took Hallmark cards. Is that still a thing? Hallmark cards? Yeah, sure. Everyone's mom hasn't died off to stop Hallmark from being a thing.

Yeah, they're they're going to be a thing. They took it and blew it up and put it all over the walls. I don't know what makes me rage about it. Like I try to, I try to escape that stuff. I try to escape that nonsense all day, every day, and just get to the root core of things. Like let's really cut away all the bullshit. Let's peel away the onion. Let's chip away at the pearl so we can get it more and more valuable and find out what

all this is really about and what we need. And then I walk into a world where they're doing the reverse. Yeah, well, it's because a lot of those things they just don't mean anything. And they're just things that people tell themselves to make themselves feel better or say to other people, but they're just 99% of them are just empty, empty flaccid statements. Yeah.

They don't have, there's nothing to them. Very frustrating. Yeah. Tell you what also makes me rage. Mm-hmm. UTIs. Oh. Okay. Because you never know. I'll tell you what also makes me rage. UTIs. Oh, okay.

Cause you never know if they're real or not. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, you mean that you don't know if, so you never know if a chick's faking them or not. Okay. That's why. And I think we all kind of think sometimes that they are.

I think it depends on the person. Yeah, I don't know. You got a nice plan for yourself. And then, oh yeah, I'm gonna get a lot of action here. Right? And then I bam, UTI comes out and I don't know what I'm gonna fuck up your plan on shit, Simon. It's like, what, have you been using the cat box?

Yeah. Unfixible. You have no control over it, right? Have you ever gotten one? No. Neither have I. No guy ever has. Cause we never would.

It would be how the hell did this happen that I can't use my dick? I'll fit, that'll never happen again. Give me the instructions. I don't care how drunk I am. I don't care how fucking lazy I am. I'll fit, they'll never happen again. Give me the instructions. I don't care how drunk I am. I don't care how fucking lazy I am. I'll drink water. I'll drink water.

I will stay and I will slave away over a cauldron and cook up whatever apothecary and delight I need to to fix this, but it will never happen to me again. Yeah. Every single chick. You got a three, you got a three punch card. One, two, bam, you TI. Uh, that's how it works. Does it happen to them statistically more? I mean, whose statistics are we going by? Mine happens to all the all the fucking time that happens.

Way too fucking much. Hmm. I see. I was always angling to-hmm. Mm. I see. Always... Always angling to ruin your good time, I see. Yeah. Like, come on. They don't tell you about this stuff when you're a kid. No, no, no. They don't cover this in the game. Nope. It's always about step one and step two.

What about step five? Mm-hmm. That's where... Penicillin. Is that how you fix it? I don't fucking know. Step one and step two. What about step five? That's where. Penicillin. Is that how you fix it? I don't fucking know. See you when I'll. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know any, I need a truth there. Enough with this 9-11 truth or shit. I need a truth or site devoted to UTIs. Give me the, give me the straight dope on this. Give me the Alex Jonesy and Conspiracy on this. Cause I need it. I need it as much as I don't need a room full of it's like fucking Halloween. You have to go to a positive and a piece of man. Yeah. It's like a it's like a old it's like one of those old

houses where somebody's like somebody died and then somebody laid tarps. Like, God's tarps all over everything. I don't even know why they do that. Wait, what? This is where some people live. Draped over the furniture. So everything is worthless. So everything is covered, everything is covered like with a Vada Villian

yanking the table mat, yanking the tablecloth out from under it, mad that at any time, if they've slipperized everything. Mm-hmm. And it's covered with paint and sip paintings. We should go to one of those. Be fun. I'm gonna do you can't sip.

I'll do all the sipping and you do all the painting. Oh, okay. You can just beat yourself up because you can't paint well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't sip. I'll do all the sipping and you do all the painting. Oh, okay. You can just beat yourself up because you can't paint well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'm sure I cannot. Even if you were the greatest painter in the world, it wouldn't be up to your specifications, I'm sure.

I, um, I don't have, I'm not artistic that way. Like, I don't draw, yeah, no, I don't draw well. It's a mystery. My brain doesn't work that way. I see people who can like sketch out things, and I'm like, oh, that looks like nothing. That looks like nothing. Oh, whoa, that looks really cool.

And I just not wired that way. All right. Let's see. Six flags over Texas removed a Confederate flag. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that that was why it was called six flags. It's just because all the flags that were that have ever ruled over Texas. I didn't know that that was why it was called six flags, just because all the flags that were that have ever ruled over Texas.

I didn't know that. Yeah. Well, now no one will know it because everybody's so pissed off that any mention of the Confederacy that they've removed them all. Now it's six American flags over the theme park, and it's just six of them. Nothing to know, no history at all to learn from it. Yeah. We'll just read just don't even rewrite the history.

Just erase it. Yeah. Remove everything. Just get what do we need it for? Who needed, who needed to ever think about how much suffering that it's taking us to get anywhere? It's just the way this is the way it always is and this is the way it's always gonna be That's the lesson. That's the only lesson anybody ever needs to learn Man, yeah, you forget the past man. You forget the past. It's

Doesn't usually bowed well. I Heard that hammered into my head my entire childhood. If you don't learn the past, you're doomed to repeat it, right? Yeah. Now you gotta bend over backwards to forget about it. Yeah. I was known reason we need to learn, no reason we need to know this. We're past that now.

We're past it. No one could ever regress to that point. Yeah, it was, no, no, no, no, what do you want to know? What do you want to know? What do you want to know? So bad about about the Confederate flag. Well, I don't know like, you know, why is it there? slavery. Oh, that's it. Nothing more, nothing more nuanced than that. It had nothing to do with like any kind of federal overreach or state, right now, now, so fancy. That's my prediction.

I think that one day, I think that one day it would be like a kin asking about why there was a civil war will be, like it will make you a denier to say like, well, why did like there wasn't any to ask me quite? To spades or anything. Like how how come it was how come it was fine when they made a deal when Congress made a deal before that to not have any kind of slavery votes like who's who was the bad guys there? No.

Yeah, no, what you mean? No, what you mean? USC's horse. Somebody's throwing a fit that they're traveler. Yeah, that's a problem. Because I was Robert, he leaves favorite horse, right? Fucking favorite horse.

Yeah, I didn't know that. That's a problem now. Yeah, got to rename that horse. Got nine of them. There's not no good anymore. Mm-hmm. Your horse is no good here anymore. I don't know, man. I don't

want to, I hate, we don't do anything. I hate talking to all this. It's just so fucking frustrated because it's so, because it's just so stupid. It's just so stupid. Every day it gets worse. Every fucking day gets to me. And it never goes back. No argument here. It never goes back the other way. Like I don't know about everybody else, but I'm always waiting for with a big backlash. It's going to come now and we're going to be able to say everything's going to be the wild west again. It's going to be great. We're going to get to share ideas and hammer each other over them. It's going to be intellectuals paradise. Oh, I think you get backlash,

but not on a large enough scale to, to, now it's just a constant attrition. Up, now we're taking your horse. Up, now we're taking your flags. Like, great. Do you remember not to get off too much on the side, but you know a long time friend of mine retired with the sheriff's

department. You know, I'm well too. I love that guy. Yeah. And he just said, I remember him saying after after 9-11, he just said, just watch, just watch and see how many civil liberties we just willingly give away. No shit. How soon after 9-11? Oh, like right after. He's like that Rick Sanchez said that. Yeah, we were talking about Rick and Morty before the show. He just said that and I think about that sometimes and I just go, God damn, man. Like, we really have.

Yeah. It's staggering. You know, no, he was on, no, the guy who runs Kiwi Farms. He was on the show a couple months ago. He was telling me, and of course, even before I start this, like I know that it's gonna be, there's gonna be some actual truth to this story where the guy was just a real big piece of shit

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but he was telling me the story about this this preacher Who had around the around the around the 30s who had an audience of he was the first one of the first preachers to to mass to mass Mass broadcast people on the radio He was a guy I think he was the guy that they're with that Eli's based on and there will be blood. Oh, because he has a big radio broadcast. Okay, he's bigger and bigger. If you read the book, there will be blood. It's much closer to the guy I'm talking about where he just gradually builds this radio audience that's like the entire country. And this guy did.

You had like 30 million people listening to a show every day. That's fucked on. Fucked on, right? And he had a, you know, I don't know. Somebody will know the whole history of this, but whatever, he had a lot of clout and he had an America first kind of mentality. And he got like systematically shut down by the government. Just want like, no, you're not allowed,

not allowed to broadcast to the, such the point where he wasn't even allowed to use the mail to send shit. Um, this is like FCC, everybody, all the way up to the top, all the way up to, um, FDR, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, he's been that way. Yeah. And now you got, now you got now you got Websites just getting erased off the fucking it Nazis getting erased off of dating sites. Mm-hmm. I don't know I hate I hate defending a fucking Nazis Sean Yeah, I know That's where we're at It's like I know it's wrong.

I don't want to do it. My grandpa was in World War II. Oh, so is mine. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, it's like, we don't even want to, it just stops people from having conversations with like their kids or it's like, oh, well, this is who these guys were.

This is what they did. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's just much easier if we just don't even what they did. It's like, no, no, no, no, it's just much easier if we just don't even just kill them. Just like, gone. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's where there's solution. Yeah, they never did any good for anybody.

So just, yeah. The way too much fucking power. Yeah, I just, it's scary to me that anybody who, they are, there are people who are completely sure that they are right. And when someone is completely sure that they are right, they are capable of anything. Yeah, very frightening.

And it's like a stupid way to look at just human nature. Like what makes us, like, us, they're just evil. Oh yeah. I mean, okay, if that's what you need, that's what you need to think. Just realize it can happen to you too. Yeah, it can happen to you. It can happen to you.

Yep. It's just a little genetic tweak and upranging tweak makes you them. That's right. Don't ever fucking forget that right? That's right Yep, and if you were them, I don't think this would help you. Nope. What you're doing. Mm-hmm. Just remember that But it doesn't it doesn't make me as much of a rage as the Mayweather McGregor fight. Oh, okay Yeah, I'm preemptively a rage about it because I want

McGregor to win so badly. Yeah. And I know he's going to get his ass kicked. There is, is there any chance he's going to fucking win zero? I know. If there's, if, if, if things are on the level, I don't put anything because that's the one thing boxing is, is just a fucking shit show. And it is, as corrupt, probably, probably as corrupt nowadays as it's always been, maybe not always, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, there is in a, in a, in a boxing match, they say, punchers chance. He has, I just fucking hate him. there's so much he has a story is a stereo piece of shit turns his back i would that's it's not even a literacy in the women beating the rich is the way he boxes

he takes all the fucking fun at it for no i know yeah he's a he's a defensive fighter and that's all it's boring cheating he's yeah yeah it's it's boring it's boring. It's boring. Unless you're really like a student and you love that kind of defense and, you know, this is has defense. No, he's a counter puncher. Yeah.

He's a counter puncher. He's not going to, probably not going to be able to knock McGregor out unless, but McGregor is, there's, there's, there's, there's, he has no business getting, getting hit with air current caused by a McGregor punch. Who? Oh, because he's so, because he's so fast. Oh, it's, yeah. What do you, so you, what, what do you think you'll knock him out? You don't think I'll knock him a Gregoron?

I, I, I don't think he'll, I don't think he'll knock him out. I'm already, I'm already fucking pissed about it because I know I've been trying to tell myself, you may get stopped. The whole, for the whole build up, ah, he's definitely going to lose, don't get invested in it. He's definitely, McGreg up, he's definitely gonna lose, don't get invested in it. He's definitely, I'm definitely gonna lose, don't get invested in it, but he's so funny. I keep getting sucked into his antics. Oh my god, damn it, they're gonna get, they're gonna get 20 bucks out of me on this, I know

it. Well, it's like a hundred bucks, but he out, floyd, he got a bar. Oh, okay, he out, he out, floyd's floyd as far as just permaccing shit. Oh, he's amazing. He's amazing. Yeah. He's like, he's like Muhammad Ali and Larry Bird and one. Like as far as on the level of shit talking goes. Yeah. Yeah. People don't realize Larry Bird greatest shit talking basketball player of all time by far, by far. So that's going to be this weekend.

Oh, man, I'm going to be really. I'm looking for it. Gleufkin and Canelo. That's the fight I want to see. When's that September? Yeah. Not the same. Well, I don't know.

I like boxing. Well, who do you do not? I really, I really want to win. Whether you can ask cake. That's why I mean, it was know, I like boxing. Well, who do you not, I really, I really want to move in with him because he's an ass kick. That's why I mean, it was something. I want something. I want to get something. There's one good gif that I can get at, bam!

If he wins, I mean, I'll be the first one to be calling fraud. I mean, it's if who, if McGregor wins. You're gonna call it fraud on that? Absolutely. Why? Because he doesn't think he legitimately. I don't think he can, I don't think he can hit him. You have seed legitimately, I don't think he can hit him. You have C-fighter.

I don't think he could touch him. But like how much time, how much training time do you think a guy needs? The expert. Get up to that level. Oh, the experts are saying he's lifetime. He couldn't, he couldn't do it at his age probably. He's been dodging a lot of punches though.

Oh my Gregor. Yeah, not Nick. Not Nick Diaz. He's been eight Diaz. He's been dodging a lot of punches though. Oh my Gregor. Yeah, not his whole life. Not Nick Diaz. He's been a Diaz. He's been dodging legs too. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder if it'll just like, he'll get popped a couple of times until he'll snap into MMA mode and just like, I think he might throw it.

It'd be hard not to throw a knee, right? Yeah. Which would be hysterical because everybody wants to see Floyd get fucking fucking i'll take that i would take that as a yeah yeah just an accidental knee yeah disqualified accident no one no money no refunds yeah pretty great uh pretty great oh man all right let me read he's already one i mean he's already one the payday that he's he won when he showed up in the jersey did you see that when

when may weather showed up or uh McGregor showed up in the Jersey. Did you see that when Mayweather showed up, or McGregor showed up in the, God, who was it? Floyd Mayweather's wife was cheating on him with somebody with some like athlete, and Mayweather roughed her up because of it. And McGregor showed up somewhere wearing the guy's jersey. Yeah, he's the fucking best. Oh, he's the best. He's the guys. Uh, G. Yeah.

He's the fucking best. Ah, he's the best. He's the best. He's great. Okay, okay, okay, hold on. I got a, I got an erotic story. I got an erotic story. I got a parody song. I got some comments.

And I got a mystery box. Let me start with, I'll start with the erotic story. Oh my God. I need to relax. Yeah. I'm so, I'm so fucking upset at the state of the internet. Yeah. Because everybody should on me for net neutrality.

Yeah. My Google just wipes a side off the fucking face of the earth. And then everybody said, oh, they're a private company. They're a private company. They can do whatever they want. Like, oh, really? Can they, can they, can they pay somebody for sense in hour? No.

So there's, so why in one way, can they just do whatever they want? Absolutely fucking not. Well, you're saying, Google, did they wipe the results? I don't think so. No, they wipe the search results. Are they wiped the cup? Do they, are they hosting? Like, I mean, they're like their domain service. Okay, so they're out there as the other ones.

So they can just, yeah. It's fucking scary though, dude, because I, when I first started doing men and men and women, I had this stickmashes and Facebook account. And this dude who was, who worked at, fucking Disney, emailed me. And he's like, hey, I think you're really funny. I get it. I get your site. This was before even Dr. Phil, man. Oh, yeah. And you say, I think you're really funny. Why don't you come in and

come in and work on some work on some stuff with me. I was like, cool. Yeah. That was the first thing I'd ever done that was fun and just not on my fucking website. So I went in there and we worked on a movie together. Like we pitched, he had a close relationship with Edward James Almos of all people. I've told this story before. I don't even know, I feel weird telling it. I don't know. That's so talented because it's very, it's so funny because my, my father and uncle had a relationship in back in the day with Edward James almost just he was a, he was in a band. Eddie James

and the Pacific Ocean. Really? Yeah. They were coming up together. Oh, 60, 60s. Wow. Late, uh, yeah, late 60s. Was he playing like Chicano music? No, it was like like rock. He was a, so he was a good front man. You could tell he was an actor, but he was cool. He was cool as shit. I fucking, so I wrote me and this dude came up with this movie, just about like him as a,

it was like a Mexican diehard movie, where he's like a old drug cop coming back to settle the score. I'd be great as that. Yeah. Yeah. We pitched it. You know, we pitched it and I tell the whole story of the mo...

Like I go into this meeting with his crew. This guy fucking writing a blog. I'm not a better than women. I don't know. I didn't even know what experience and this stuff. But whatever, you study it and you break down movies and everybody knows how they work. It's the best thing about movies.

That's why it's just a bunch of fucking morons running Hollywood because everybody, there's nothing magical about them. Everybody knows how they work. Everybody could put one together if you pay attention, right? Yeah, but they don't all work on the same level. They don't because you mean the finished product. Yeah, I mean, because some things are huge hits and some are like,

yeah, I see what you try to do, but this was has need and bullshit. It's very, very difficult for that many people to work in concert on anything. Like if you had to put together a birthday party for a four year old with 50 people involved, you would end up with a cluster fuck. Like you'd end up in the parking lot of a strip club with a clown getting stabbed.

You're like, who, how did this happen? So it was no, this was no one's fault. Like, well, it gets tossed around. It's usually Uncle Dick's fault if that happens. Yeah, I'll take credit for the clown stab. Yeah, I'm not just a clown. He doesn't want to see that. I wanted to be in the strip club.

This was a compromise. Like, oh, I see where we got fucked up. In a strip club or a stab a clown? I went to, I pitched him this, this movie and they loved it. So the, the guys asked us to go see Edward James almost a movie that he was screening for the LA film festival because he's all big on the LA film. Yeah sure. So they're like, yeah, go here. Come, come, come meet the man, come hang out with the man. It is his little film screening thing.

I was thinking, oh man, this is it. Yeah, this is cool. This is like a Cinderella story, right? I'll be telling this story one day. Tell this story up. To, yeah. It's like, okay, yeah, cool, cool, cool. Act like you've been there before, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sounds great, sounds great. Typical, typical Hollywood get shorty.

Type of situation. So I show up there to this movie. And almost is there, it, and almost is there. Edward James almost is there. And he is a he acts eerily and weirdly, exactly like my father. Oh, same, same like I assume. That's kind of background. They came up at the same time. Both Mexican. Yeah. Both very loud. Both very boisterous, but not in a liberal cuck way, like hysterios, like what Mexicans will do, I've noticed two things Mexicans do. They use the word basically way too much. Really? Yeah, basically a Mexican cannot get through a sentence without saying basically.

It's like their version of so. Like if you talk to white people, they'll start everything with so I went to the store and it's like this gambit that's trick that they have to get you interested in their story. Like, so what are we doing about? And I was like, basically, what do you wanna do about lunch?

Well, basically what I'm gonna do today is get ready and go to work. It's like, that's not, you don't need to basically, dude. Just say they will, they'll use, they'll overuse basically. And they all have like, they all, they all grabbed a couple $10 words and put them in their pocket with the rest of the, with the quarters and with the dimes and stuff like that. And they'll throw, they'll, they'll, they'll, you can learn, if you hang out with a Mexican enough, you know what their $10 words are.

At Jason. Yeah. That's something just came up. That's what you're being opposed. You're like, why did you say, diametrically, a posit, why don't you just say, cross street? So, his, and I, as soon as he said, I was like,

ah, that's my dad, that's what my dad does. Yeah. Somebody in the theater, we go into this theater, private screening of this movie, and it's like, there's like 10 guys. It's one of those fancy movie theaters, right? Yeah. Like a screening room. There's no popcorn at this place,

like an office building. You file in, you go upstairs, probably seats about 100 people, immaculate first class chairs, right? Because the people who funded, the people who paid $100 million for this movie are sitting here. We go in there and there's a little, there's that 10 minutes of juicing that you got

to spend in every, every meeting you ever go to. And one of the finance years, or somebody goes talking about their, their leg being too sore to do something. Like these guys, these chucklefucks and the, excuse me, these guys chuckling in the back. I was talking about their leg being too sore to do something. Like these guys, these chucklefucks, and they're, excuse me, these guys chuckling in the back. You know how some guys are like that. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm too sore. I love riding bicycles. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. This is the most hilarious, like, cause they're nervous. Yeah. You know, that's how you,

that's how you can tell if somebody's nervous. I love, but I'm too sore to do it. Oh so Almost as good as That's the stretch. Oh, I've seen my dad do Yeah, turns around like that and he goes your sore your sore Isn't talk like I'm doing bad impression. Okay, your sore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get a it's like a sorny because impression. Got your sore?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a sore nose. You go, you need to drink on abundance of water. It's like an abundance of water. And then the guy, like there's a posh, he goes, on abundance of water. I've heard my dad say that. Yeah, that's your word, huh? I bet that's not the first time abundance has been thrown around. Yeah, that's your word, huh? That's funny.

I bet that's not the first time abundance has been thrown around. Yeah, yeah. In the household. So he watched the movie and it's all in Spanish. Yeah. His whole movie is in Spanish, not subtitled, I think. Oh, shit. My Spanish is terrible.

It's like four years. I've probably taken six years of Spanish and then took a Swiss cheese hole puncher to it. So I just got the rind left of this man. I have no fucking idea. I have no idea what's going on in the movie. None. And it's about a young man who's courting the dark side

of the law, who's courting the drug side and the police side, except the police are also corrupt. Yeah, that's what I got out of it. Okay. And then out of nowhere, there's a cop in the movie and the guy's sitting in his car with the cop and the cop suddenly ass rap a haps the guy. Oh, and I was like, hmm, okay, just like that.

Just like that. What a twist. Okay. So, so I'm like, all right. Okay. Nothing else happens like that. Yeah. So after the movie, almost comes over. I don't know, the ever, almost comes over.

I don't, you know, the ever James almost comes over. And he's like, ah, yeah, you had the, to me, I was like, oh, you had the drug movie. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like, I had it, it's a good one, good one, good one. Um, what did you think of this movie? Do you speak Spanish? I'm like, no, man, I don't know, not,

oh, and, oh, and Pockito, oh, and on Pocketeau. On the Pocketeau, right? Mm-hmm. Not very much Spanish. So embarrassing amount of Spanish. And he goes, ah, well, did you, were you able to follow it? Anyway, and I said, yeah, I thought so, but the surprise ass rape made me think otherwise. And he just goes, he looks at me, he's like,

I was like, the weirdest buzz, like, what's going on here? And then he just starts, he just busts out laughing. Yeah. Anyway, I think he walked, he's like, ah, okay, and then walked away. I'm like, all right, man. He's like, he was like half, did my dad,

and like a Mexican, Willy Wonka, just like, ha, ha, ha, okay. And he's like on to something else. That was my other James almost. Did you say surprise, Acerape? Did he? Did you say surprise, Acerape? I said yeah, that's surprise Acerape.

Maybe I wasn't following him. It's pretty good. So I think it's, it's pretty good. All right. You didn't get the sexual attention, the whole movie? All right, here we go. I'm reading a running story. It was palpable.

The dick show presents. The abundance of ass stories from real men. And then you know what, the guy, oh, I forgot why I started telling this story. I don't know because, because Facebook then shut my account down for hate speech. But wait, what? Because Facebook, you told that story. No, no, no, no, no They just out of nowhere. Oh shut my account down just for hate speech And I'm like that was like that was an important Message that I got on your fucking platform you pieces of shit. Yeah

Like what the hell and I never got it back Yeah, the all and that was the only way that the guy had to send me a message. So I'm sure you were just gonna create, you know, terrible society. Yeah. I would have just leveraged my position to just, you know, spread more fucking hate into the world. So thank God they shut it down.

And then there's absolutely no recourse for me to get it back. Or it's just like, like you are fucking dead, exactly like in South Park where they took all cartons, shit, all his devices away and smashed them. Oh, yeah. Like, you might as well be fucking dead. They did the same thing to that guy, Jordan Peterson. This shut his fucking account.

Like, dude, that's my, that's my money. It's very, it's, you guys, it's It's very important what the power that you have. It's a lot more than ideas, because ideas mean nothing. Ideas are worth jack shit. The Enron guys base that entire scam on ideas being worth something, and they're fucking not. Every ideology, political

idea, like any idea that anybody has that they put in, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's worth jack fucking shit. If you take away my ability to make money, which is what you have, it's worth way more. It's worth way more. It really annoys me that they don't understand the difference of that too. We get it. We all understand that, right? That they're coming for me next. They're coming for other people next. You don't build a gun and shoot it once.

You just shoot it forever. We didn't build a nuclear bomb and they're just, wow, we just wanted to see if it would work. We dropped two of them. We're fine. That was fun. It was fun enough. You dropped two and then you spend the rest of time talking about where you drop in the other ones.

Yeah, yeah. Ah, we just ban these guys. Yeah. Who's next? It's like Goldberg. Google's become Goldberg. Who's next? It's like Goldberg. Google's become Goldberg. Who's next? The wrestler?

Yeah. Well, remember? He was undefeated. Was he? Yeah, he was like 70 and oh man. Oh man. Couldn't stop Goldberg. Yeah.

He would come in with that goatee. Who's next? Goldberg. Goldberg. What a name. Who's next? Goldberg. Goldberg. What a name. Who's next? Okay. This, this erotic story,

comes to us from erotic buttquefe. Oh. Listener, I'm sure. Settle. Should I play the intro again? Why not? Okay. I don't want to be, I don't want to be like out of the mood.

Okay, yeah, we gotta get you exactly. We kinda redo it. You know, I feel about reliving moments, but let's do it anyway. The show presents erotic stories from real men. Okay. Like plethora. Oh, plethora. Woof, woof, woof. Like plethora. Oh, plethora. You know, one.

Jamie says it in the chat. That's got it. Plethora. Plethora of piñatas. Piñatas. What you say? You gotta say plethora of piñatas? Yeah.

No, no, the. I don't know why Mexicans do that. Does any other race do that? I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. Do they? Haven't you ever just heard really dumb people grab on to like a $20 word and use it a lot?

Well, well, what race? I can only think of things in terms of race. Okay. Sean, that's what I've, the media's condition. What are lay oceans? Lay oceans? Yeah, for example. No, I haven't heard that.

Just one that everybody can relate to. Yeah, I haven't heard that. Like there are. Yeah. Find a Mexican and find what their words are. Okay. It's like a Pokemon. Yeah.

Like you could make a little trading card. Like this Mexican uses, I'm sure I do it. I mean, I probably, I do it half the time. I gotta find what my dad's up. Half the time. Yeah. I like it, it's funny. Oh, okay. This one comes to us from erotic, I probably, I do it half the time. I gotta find one my dad's own. Half the time. Yeah. I like it, it's funny. Oh, okay.

This one comes to us from erotic, erotic, but I should play it again. I get distracted again. Oh my God. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, The erotic story is totally true and it happened recently. If you decide to talk about it in the podcast, please use my pen name butqueeth. Oh. It's his pen name.

This erotic story is real name. Mark Mark's name. Mark Quayne. You know, pen name. Yeah. This erotic story is a long one, but it gets funny in the middle and in the end and it starts out in an unlikely place.

I think we'll be the judge of that. I have my 85 year old grandma's house. Oh no. I spent a few weeks getting burned by quote, bitches who don't text back. Fucking constantly. And it had me in a frenzy of rage from sun up till sundown. Oh God, that is frustrating. Bitches won't text you back, man.

Nothing you could do. No. There's a crossing point, a death cross, where you have to text them to seem more interesting, yet every text has looks more desperate than the value in it. And then the text gets increasingly desperate. You could say like, I'm a billionaire,

but because you've sent so many texts, you can't ever, that death cross when the number of texts crosses the amount of interest that could ever possibly be in the text is very real. On one of those days of roiling frustration, my grandma called needing another hour's long demo of clicking and dragging. Great.

On my way over. I walk through the door to find a strange girl sitting at my grandma's table. Turns out she had hired a new helper for household chores and errands. Let's call her Alice. Blond hair, pale blue eyes, a shy affect, very beautiful. Yet another bitch who doesn't text pack, terrible attitude to have upon meeting a beautiful woman. I was instantly filled with detached annoyance

that are very presence and I let it show. So he's accidentally behaving correctly, I guess. I'm sure you've noticed, that there is nothing more confusing and distressing to a beautiful woman than to be ignored. With holding your attention is like kryptonite for the good looking, the red kind, because it makes them horny as fuck. My next few visits to grandma's,

I made a point to treat her exactly as I treat wallpaper. I always wonder what like, what is the, what is the, like sometimes you just kind of need a moment to breathe. You know? Like is it ignoring or do we just need to tell ourselves to ignore them? And that's like acting normally.

Because if it was a guy, I wouldn't be trying to talk to them every 10 seconds. It's basically like treat them like a guy. Yeah. Yeah. Turns out the best wingman you could ask for is your own grandmother. I learned later that old Grammy just went on and on bragging about yours truly emphasizing to Alice what a notorious flirt I am with the ladies. Oh, and all the girls I have had to be around. And I think it helped me out when I finally came around to being friendly to Alice. But my annoyance ebbed and I finally

asked Alice out. She agreed with no hesitation, and we hit it off immediately. Turns out Alice is wonderful company, shy and sweet and delightfully funny. We had a great time. At the end of the night, we went back to her place and that's when things turned a little sideways.

Everything's great, the lights go off and clothes hit the floor. We exchange lovely acts of oral love every second is better than the last. That is until the big moment. When I first push my medium to smallish, not ashamed, huge enormous cock inside of her. You see what he's doing there? Telling the truth and then, right? The noise that comes out of poor Alice's snatch is the loudest, whenest, most cartoonishly exaggerated fart I'd ever heard.

Imagine a whoopie cushion deflating into a microphone at the Hollywood Bowl. Oh my God. It's loud. I mean, that's descriptive. Cause the Hollywood Bowl for those of you who know. As an audio engineer, I'm really getting something out of that. It has a natural resonance in the canyon for starters.

And then it has a shell in the back to amplify the natural resonance. So, and then they might get the whole fucking thing. Yeah. So not only would you hear it as a wall of sound coming from the electrical implication, but you would feel it through the rocks, through your, in your bones. That's what he's saying. Yeah, you may lose some fillings. I kept pushing, hoping

to extinguish her pussy flatchelence. But unfortunately, the opposite happened. The harder I thrust in, the more violently the air and meat flapped against itself, thrust after thrust, toot after soggy toot this went on. No bits, no bits. Remember your training I thought to myself, both of us trying to ignore the awful noises coming from her fertile regions. I slowed down enough then to hear the poor girls' embarrassed apologies over the colossal thunder between thighs.

Does this always happen, I asked? She hesitated. Usually it's not this bad, she said, so of course it was always that bad. We cleaned ourselves up and lay in bed talking for hours afterwards. She began to describe my chakras to me, pointing to each with her lovely hands, which is the magical one I asked because I couldn't help being a prick. Yeah. So good.

When they, if they start talking like that, why do they turn unattractive really quickly to me? I know, man. It's such a fucking, it's so bad. It is. Stop with, stop with the magical stupid shit. Yeah. I just can't. I don't have. I know what you mean. I can't do it. And I feel so bad because I can't do it. I want to scream. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. You're probably a nice person, but I fucking hate you now. I just started talking about Israel.

Yeah. You're like, let me tell you about it. Let me tell you about Israel. Let me tell you what we could be doing there. I'm joking, of course. I'd never talk about politics on a date. Despite all this, she's a great girl. That's so, we've got to, we can be better than talking about bullshit with each other.

Chakras, there's got to be be a way we can negotiate that down. So we don't ever have to hear about it again, man. All the magical shit, put it in a diary, take a diary right down, all of your magical shit, then put it in a bag and put it in the garbage, and then burn up all the garbage, and then compress all the ash into a diamond and throw it into the ocean. That's the only way to stop it. Sometimes I think they're doing it on purpose too.

It's also in my mind like why are you doing? I don't know. What are you doing with this shirt? I don't know. Like why you wait till what are you doing? I don't know. What are you doing with this shirt? Despite all this she's a great girl. I can't wait to see her again. Maybe I'll suggest she do a few kegels to let tighten up the old baby. That's my story. I learned about the red kryptonite and the cold shoulder and the power of grandma's bragging. I hope you enjoyed this volume-ness tale. The show is great. Keep it up.

Your man's Steve is my favorite guest so far. Go fuck yourself butqueeve. About that. I've been listening to neurotic stories from real men. That's her curse. Yeah, she's got to carry that around with her. I don't know, it's funny, it happens. I guess maybe if it's a little extreme in this case, it seems like too funny, right? I got an email from Lusos,

I hope you enjoyed the spoon, the state of Alabama welcomes you. When you enter Alabama, I got to, you know, we got to spoon from Alabama. Yeah, yeah, last week. When you enter Alabama, our rest areas have a big granite pillar that says we dare defend our rights.

Definitely a place you should visit. Dick, you touched on a problem of denouncing everything as virtue signaling, but it's much more pernicious than that. Oh, I didn't even know how bad it was. Denouncing everything in this. Pernicious. that. Oh, I didn't even know how bad it was. Denouncing everything in America. Is that guy Mexican? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Everyone has to go online and have a permanent record that they don't agree with it. That way the public can be informed

when anyone has an opinion that doesn't line up with the common consensus. In my opinion, this call out in denounced culture is an opening act to a sweeping purge of jobs perpetrated by progressives on anyone that doesn't follow in lockstep. Great show, Aiden was great, have her on when she doesn't have a cuck to waste her time arguing again.

Keep up the good work and go, fuck you said, that is, man, that is true. Like in 1984, how they would start those one minute hate or two minute hate things and everybody would just have to scream at the screen, getting, remember that? I don't remember that part. I remember 1984 really well.

No, I remember a lot, I thought I remembered it really well. I mean, get whipped up into a frenzy. Like that's how they began every day by getting whipped up into a frenzy about hating the other people that were exactly like them in the other countries in the world. We do that every day. You load up your app and get pissed off about something.

That's true. Something that's blown. It's true. Way out of proportion and doesn't matter nearly as much about as much as like a but queues, posse farts that he's dealing with. Yeah. Shove down our throats every day. Mm-hmm.

Rewriting history. We're definitely doing that. We're well on our way to doing that. I know. And that's the thing. It happens subtly. And then it's not a linear thing. It'll mean.

It creeps and creeps. And then it explodes. And then it explodes. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. What else do they do in 1984? They reported their neighbors. Oh, yeah. We do that.

Yeah. Absolutely. People spend all day on Twitter and Facebook reporting shit. They love it. They get off on it. They're on both sides. They are race history in 1984 a lot. It's like, you know, they're always at war with one of the other two, you know, other

two. It's like, oh, we're now at war with blah, blah, blah. We've always been at war with blah, blah, blah. VICE magazine recently disabled archiving on their website so that they because they were getting caught having written like the opposite things of what they think now are getting caught like doing micro aggressions or getting caught. Of course. So they disabled archiving. Sure. And the way they describe it is so that they can modify stories as they as they evolve. Yeah.

It's like, well, so that's reasonable. Just leave the art. What's the big deal? Like, why would you explicitly prohibit the archiving of like a news agency that's fucking demented? There is no past or future anymore. There's just a permanent present. They reported people in that book.

I mean, they reeducated people too, but I think we're already doing that. Like, I don't think schools give a accurate unbiased look at US history. If anybody can walk out, if anybody can walk out of public education and not think that internment camps were horrifying, then we failed. And I don't think we do that. I don't think we walk out and think that, oh, like everybody in America that time was a

bunch of fucking monsters for doing that. Yeah, yeah, you don't think we don't think I don't get the sense that this was like the worst thing that we could do was this. And that there's nothing worse than I think I think you're right. I don't think we get that sense. Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah, I don't think a big enough deal is is made about that. Chairman Ham. It's good point. It is like swearing oil to you. have to? Oh, let's see. Here's one from Brittany. Well, a few years ago, my brother passed out in my apartment, so I took it about myself

like so many others to draw on him with a black sharpie. Oh, this is where things get funny, the best prank so the ones you forget about. I took pictures and uploaded them to Facebook then I come. Hitler Mustache. It's better. Then I completely forgot about the prank.

I was playing video games when we woke up. How hours later, we decided to go get my eyebrow pierced. And we leave the apartment, we take the bus. The whole time, all these people are giving him dirty looks, a stink guy, et cetera, et cetera. He wasn't sure why, I'm not saying anything. Nobody said anything. I get my eyebrow pierced.

We take the bus back home. His phone starts going off. His ex-girlfriend and baby mama is on the other side. Why do you have Nazi swastikas all over you? What are you talking about? No, I don't. By the time I hear this conversation, I remember what I did and start laughing hysterically while he looks at the back of his legs.

No wonder everyone gave him the dirtiest look. Here's the back of his legs right here. There's what he looks like. You see it? Oh, shit. Here's the back of his legs right here. There's what he looks like. You see it? Oh shit. Right above a Yin Yang tattoo. Yeah.

Giant's plastic. Well done. Like a really, really crappy, really crappy, hastily drawn pen. I'm back of his arms too. This guy had no look at his pen hell. Look at his back. The, his entire back. Even when he puts a shirt on,

like the shirt's gonna just lick at his elbows right there. Oh my God, that's really, that's a very funny prank. Ready? Very good prank. All right, Haasen Cruz. Haasen Cruz sent in a song. Oh, yeah. You want to hear it?

Sure. He's doing, he's doing parody songs. Yeah. So if they're good, well, you know, if people like them, we'll, we'll bring more in. Cool. I like funny songs. Me too.

How about you? I don't see, let's see. If, you know, let's see, um, and I've never made contradictory statements. That's see. You know, let's see. And I've never made contradictory statements. That's true. That's true. That's it.

Cars? Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind us hanging out. But stop wasting all my time. Don't care what music that you love Unless it's just like mine I love the perfume that you wear

But not the snapchat that you share Don't care about your stupid friends Stop wasting all my time I wish you just suck my penis I wish you reach for my knees I wish you just suck my penis I wish you swivel my penis Oh my gosh

Room There's more. Don't walk that way, you're fucking dog. Stop wasting all my time, time. Don't care what fucking shoes you wear. Stop. But I'll mention that they're nice. Yeah. I don't care if you're daddy's home.

Just wanna sling you my fat bone. Don't care about your stupid eggs. Stop wasting all my time. I wish you just suck my penis I wish you suck my penis I wish you suck my penis I wish you suck my penis I wish you suck on my penis I wish you suck on my penis I wish you suck on my penis I wish you suck on my penis

I wish you suck on my penis I wish you suck on my penis Yeah, yeah, my weedy I wish you suck my penis I wish you suck on my penis I wish you suck on my penis Yeah, yeah, my weedy I think that's it Oh, just suck my penis For completeness though, he's got the outro. Yeah, yeah, oh just my penis Oh just suck my penis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good song. He really wanted to get the original backing track for that. Hazzin Cruz, he spent all his work trying to find the royalty licensing rights to get an original sounding backing track. Well, I mean, I think he nailed it. Yeah, I don't think it could get any better than that. No, it's pretty much.

Yeah, it's, you know, you put that side by side with the record. It's right there. You know what we should do? Right there. Oh my God. Okay, you remember Diego Diaz, the guy who, okay, he's setting up, he's setting up the L.A. show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I'm not sure there was some fuckery,

but I think we're doing it at Spaceland, mid-October. What a trip that is. Cause you've played there so many times. Yeah, it's called the satellite now. Oh, is it? Yeah, it's not called Spaceland anymore. That place is fucking great. I don't know if Silver Lake is, can handle what is about to descend on it. It That place is fucking great. I don't know if silver lake is, is, can handle

what is about to descend on it? It's going to be fucking great. So if we, if we sell out, I think we got to set up where if the first show sells out, we can do the next night, but I got to talk to Diego about it. Wow. Just because it's kind of a smaller venue, but I like that place. It was the last place in LA where you could smoke inside. Yeah. you remember that? Yeah, they had that little room up and top and they would just pay the fine. Yeah, I was so fucking great. Yep. I'm not a big smoker, but I liked that part about it that they would just let you do that. We should play a cover of that, like we should play covers of these parody songs, like

Cux in the Wind, Cux in the Brand. Cux in them all of the Cembers song, in Hoss and Cruises song. We should do that for the show. I wanna get like a burlesque dancer, and we should do a cover of these goofball songs. So that's coming. Let me get some presence.

We get some presence over here. presence. Holy shit, that's a, looks like the declaration of any penance over there. This one's from Andrew. Dearest, dear Dick and Shion, I know this letter finds you in difficult times. Oh, he got a ruler to keep this straight while he was doing it.

He says, for the purposes of this handwritten letter, it's my ardent hope that the enclosed picture brings a well-proportioned grin to your well-proportioned head and face ratio. Very funny. This picture began its life as a tribute to a fantasy author Joe Abercrombie after he said, I did not seem like a dick, but maybe I could make him seem like one. At first, this picture depicted Joe battling an evil one. At first this picture depicted Joe battling an evil giant sentient human penis named ballrog. Joe's about to lose when he realizes the real power has been inside him all along and he ejaculates a self-made sword. Are you following along with the cannon? I think so. Of this gift. I now understand this picture represents all battles between our better

and worse dicks. For you, I find it to be no coincidence that the evil dick dresses like a pirate made inspire you and times ahead and also my fiancee demanded I get rid of it. I couldn't really argue. I mean, it's pretty insane and I thought that even before three years of therapy, she's drunk. I'm drunk now. Thank you for all the laughs you've brought me and thank you for accepting this tribute. Oh, hardest son of the dick master. You are a true Bucarou and is Sean spelled in a strange way. I drank way too much. A cropped Nick and I'm very sorry. But you're, but also you're welcome. You're biggest reasonably dickhead. My name is Andrew. I've read and I've read too many internet memes. PS, I'm quite drunk, but I sincerely hope Maddox gets the help he needs.

It sounds like we had similar childhoods. You seem, you, meaning Maddox, seem like you really need it. I really needed it once in my life is much better for it. Best wishes to all. So this guy sent this picture that I'm showing now. I think we've seen it before.

We have. He sent the original. It's fucking have. We have sent the original. It's fucking profoundly disturbing. This is the original. He sent it in this beautiful glass frame, but the frame was all cracked to fuck when it arrived. Like it was real glass. Put that thing down.

You know, like looking at it? Jesus Christ. What's the, you see the ejaculating sword there? Yeah. So I got to find a new frame for it, but I opened it and just sprayed glass everywhere when I got it. Thank you, Andrew. I've also got, I've also got a really fucking cool present

from Russell Bates. You remember that guy who said he works in escape rooms? Yeah. He made a puzzle box for the show. Right, right, right. I'm talking about the original six episodes. Yeah, yeah. Oh shit.

I don't know. I don't know what. Power switch on the back of it? Yes. The fuck is this? People on Twitter are telling me that they're sending me pictures of what the unibomber used to send people. Everything is a contest.

It looks almost like this. It's this beautiful box with an etched logo on the top. It says everything is a contest in front. And it's got like a little grate on it. I assume it's been recording everything that's been happening in the house since I received it. Jesus. It's got finger holes on the side, like a gun safe that you use in the dark You they make gun safes where you fit your your hand in like you fit your fingers and the combo is like pressing buttons Like Liberace in the middle of the night when somebody's breaking into your fucking house If that's ever gonna happen, right?

It's got one of those on it, but the but the finger holes also have they look like they have little sensors on them Like little electrical sensors. I don't know what to do with this. I'm afraid to turn it on, because I don't want to solve the puzzle on the show and prevent other people from solving it. You know what I mean? So I got to ask Russell more specifics about,

I'm afraid to even open it. Should I? Yeah. This is when the anthrax pops. This would be the last episode. Fine. I'm good with it. I'm opening this in a giant anthrax bomb.

Oh, it doesn't open. You have to figure out how to open them. Okay, there's a switch on the back. Should I just throw the switch? Throw the switch. Something moved. I'm gonna open it up now. No, okay.

He sent a clue with it too. The clue says three beers, sensors or whatever you got to use. I got to put my fingers on the sensors. I don't know. Three beers, any instance, any instance, and no matter what you're doing, you need to have three beers in your belt. I think that's a quote from me. I can tell by the horrible way it's spoken.

I'm going to put my fingers on the finger holes. It's spoken. I'm going to put my fingers on the finger holes. And then get ready for a poison cloud of gas that's going to come out. Yeah. Nothing. All right, I'm going to take some pictures of it. Is that quite a clue? That's what he says, yeah.

Oh, I'm going to post some pictures of it online with the write up for this episode. See if anybody has any clues. So far, nothing. I'm bad at figuring out puzzles. I usually just look up the answers, and then I wait for, and then I pretend like I'm figuring it out at that time.

So I could look real smart, and be like, how are you so fucking smart? All right. Do you wanna try it? You right. You wanna try it? You wanna try opening the puzzle box? Oh God no. Okay. Well, it's got this, I got into my lap now,

now that I have to put it in my lap to hold it like this and there's like a whole aimed right at my dick where like a bunch of acid could shoot out. Who knows? It's a little, I never had no mystery box. I never had to deal with no mystery box, Sean. It's really good to move it now. It's really fucking cool though, man.

Well, all right. This has been the Dick Show. Go to thedickshow.com, patreon.com slash the Dick Show for more or hatred onion at some point. There is a Hey Trion going for the show. Yeah. They just don't have the feed. They don't have the email feature set up yet.

I think they said they're going to do it this month. You got to get that together. They got to get their shit together. Yeah. Cody Wilson is fighting a war on all fronts. Yeah. Yeah. To preserve freedom.

Mm-hmm. You understand? To preserve the dream of freedom, of printing guns at home, and letting you send money to people online. We're hateful. Patreon.com slash the dickshow.dickshow.com. This outro is by Save State Corrupted.

Thanks for listening. See you next Tuesday. I mean, it's supposed to be the fingers obviously go on this box, right? I've never seen one of those. Me? I would guess. Like, everything's got a... is it on? I think so. You didn't turn it back off? I'd turn it back on. I figured that part out at least. Can't hear anything. Maybe you gotta cross your arms. You think it could tell which is my right arm and which is my left arm? Who knows.

God damn it, I really want to get inside this fucking box! Maybe I gotta stop paying attention to it. Oh yes. Yes. That's the secret you get inside of a bar treat it like a guy. Yeah. Oh man Okay Wish mails sure do some voice-in-yes.

Hey, Dick, do you remember when I left that voicemail a couple months ago about how mysterious is a lot like Arty Wang? Here it is again! Oh, I've never done coke in my life! But I'm off the stop, I'm off it! Hey, you don't just get accused of doing coke if you're clean Mind me a lot of Arlee Wayne this guy's in some serious deep shit just saying watch out It's concerned people are concerned about the stereos Cuz he's he has too much energy. He doesn't a lot of a little man. Yeah, you know No one but no one believes that that's natural.

He comes out here and he's. It is. It is. I've never known him not like that. Me neither actually. Okay. He's why did you say? He's, is that how Greek men are? He's mystery guys. Here I'll play all the hysteria so I'm Hey, I might have spoke a little too soon on a hysteria of being a awful cult of liberal because anything my praises As an officer in the United States Armed Forces. I didn't realize he thought so highly of me and I have to retract my previous

So highly of me and I have to retract my previous announcement of this stereo. Pretty much as much as you like Dick. He's a great stand-up guy. I really, and that really made me feel good. You know, I'm going to record that. I'm going to replay that recording from my soldiers in the morning and let them know that the stereo's I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the

I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a fan of the I'm not a way that's not pleasant to listen to in the least bit but so distinct this guy's pick up my job be drawn in but fuck you not not pleasant to listen to at all. In the least bit. That was my point in the very beginning when I was reading these erotic stories.

There's what women have to listen to in bed. This fucking voice screaming at them. Making grotesque sounds. You know, you know the kind of sounds that I'm talking about. I'm actively aware. The fuck does that mean? You see? I'm actively aware.

I'm so aware of how annoying that my voice sounds that I do a voice in bed. Like I do a, I do like a more pleasant sounding voice when I'm with a woman. Really? Yeah. Consciously aware of it. Wow. Because I'm hearing myself talking. I'm like, no, no, no.

No, you got to pump the brakes, man. That sounds terrible. Not even gonna ask. Nobody wants to hear. No, no woman could possibly be aroused by the, by the tam of your voice right now. No one. Oh, tam, is that your Mexican word?

I think it is. I think it is. Spelled timbre. Yeah. Yeah. I say it all the time. Yeah. I'm well aware of how my voice sounds, how annoying it is. Thank you, Inx, T. Lesbian.

I hope that was a Lesbian. I'm like, just sounded like a guy. Yeah, I know. The Dixiel, what makes me a rage is when people cut themselves out of things, entertainment products that they like because of the political views of the person. You know, I did do that to me because you're denying yourself something you enjoy based on what a clown believes. And that's what they are. If you're entertaining me, I don't care if it's, I don't care if it's Mozart or if it's a dick show.

You're essentially, basically, a clown. And it's entertainment. It's more like entertaining when these people have insane beliefs to me. I just don't understand it. You do that? Do you do that? Do you enjoy people less when you hear about their politics?

I kind of do. I try to stay away. It depends. No, I try to separate the, you know, I separate the person from what of do. I try to stay away from it. It depends. No, I try to separate the person from what they do. But it's hard because then I start seeing it crop up. And I'm pretty good about that. I'm pretty good about that.

Yeah, I think. Yeah. I mean, it's hard, it's hard in entertainment for people to say neutral anyway because all the writers that they're pulling in are just like massively, massively liberal. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's sexy. Yeah. I do. He's right though. It's dumb. They are clowns. It's performing.

Yeah. Yeah. But they also, I think like I subconsciously ascribe them a deeper understanding of human nature because they're able to create characters with depth. And I identify with those characters and then it's like, oh, you think this, but you're kind of my god. So fuck you. Yeah, yeah.

Like I understand that you hold this power over me. Like if the guy who created a house came out and said we should absolutely have a minimum wage, I would think how the fuck do you, how do you, where do you reach in your brain to pull out this character that I love and I suddenly, I suddenly feel completely powerless? So maybe you don't have a point. Hey, Dick, just looking for a little dick advice here, what do you do when your girl asks you to look at your phone? It's probably the most contentious topic, I guess, at times.

And it's both one of those situations where I have no idea how to respond and it's so frustrating Anyways, would love to hear your advice Your relationship is over if you're looking at phones you do you're done That's it. There's no This this person is this person does not have a Healthy understanding of boundaries. She wants to look at his phone so she can catch him doing something. Because she suspects him of something.

It's toast. It's toast. She never gonna trust that. She'll find nothing and still not trust it. Yeah, that will make it even worse. Because people don't learn from evidence. It just, they just find a way to make it prove what they think more.

Like she's got something fundamentally wrong, not wrong, but broken in her that would just make her, even if you did something bad. I guess maybe that did, maybe even if something bad happened to her, you did something bad. It's like, yeah, then okay, then it's toast already. But if you didn't do anything,

and she's just compulsively wanting to check your phone, you're never gonna fix that. And finding no evidence will just make her more crazy for the next time of actually finding it. But then what are you gonna do? Because you gotta get, you worked yourself into a relationship, you need, you know, what I'm talking about, you need a little bit of the old,

you need to get yours, right? So this guy's saying, what is he doing that situation? Yeah, if that's the premise, it's gotta be. Okay, because he, because she's coming at the side where everybody's always cheating on her. So he was like it. And she's also driving dudes away, probably compulsively by like obsessively asking if they're cheating on her.

Yeah, you think people will treat people act like you treat them, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, that's every time. Yeah. But he's coming at the side of, oh, he got into this. Cause you know, guys give, they give, they give more at the beginning in hope of a payoff, right?

So guys will get into this, he's gotten himself into this relationship by buttering her up, not knowing about these landmines, waiting for him. And now he's like, well, fuck, I kind of invested a lot. Now I have to tell myself that her behavior is normal so that I can reap the benefits of the cost I've already put into this. He's got to rationalize it. He's got to rationalize it too. So what do you do? Just be aware

that it's done. Yeah, you got to think the fact that he, well, the fact that he's asking it's a problem. He's asking, well, he's asking for I think the fact that he, well, the fact that he's asking, it's a problem. He's asking, he's asking for advice from you. So he knows, like, you know, if he was just like, oh, I know what's going on and I can just rationalize it, or I don't even, or not even, it's just like, oh yeah, maybe just skip straight to the rationalization. Here's what you, here's what you do.

You, instead of, see, most people would say to take the girl that you're sending inappropriate shit with and name, put her name as mom, right? Because no girls ever gonna check out mom on your phone. I don't give a fuck. This is what you flip the script on her. You take your actual mom on your phone and you name her like Tiffany or big, you know, big tits Bertha or something like that. And then

you send your mom a bunch of, a bunch of gross stuff that you would tell that you, that you could possibly tell you. So she has something to find. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And it's a, it's a, it's a victimless crime because you're not actually flirting with another girl. You're just flirting with your mom. That's no big deal. How does that, that's, I think that would work. So then she finds, she finds something and she's able to get, you gotta let a little steam out and you're dealing with crazy. Like you gotta give them a little something to find

that's not too much, like she wants to get pissed off because in her mind, this is how she has a relationship. I look for you and I constantly, her dad probably was sleeping around or whatever. Her dad probably constantly needed busting. Constantly needed to be like shepherded and kept in line. Maybe he was a bit of a cat, a bit of a cool guy, a bit of a don draper. So her mom was always, so she learned it and said, I know the only way I have feel love

and have love was someone is by constantly busting them on doing something bad. And even if they're not doing something bad, it's still unfamiliar. It's not good. Well, the only thing that's good is exactly what she saw growing up. The only thing that she knows. Yeah, that's maximum good.

So just give her a little something, but you don't wanna be, you don't actually be texting a woman because then the woman's gonna up the ante, you know. Because that's what I do. So just change your mom. Real ante uppers. Yeah, to change your,

put your mom as a sexy name and then send her, send her dirty stuff. You're done, you know, explain it. Explain it, call up your mom and say, hey, I need to send you some dirty text. Yeah, yeah. Just don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

What if she ups the ante? Yeah. What if. What if. What if. Okay. You know, big. What's up, dude? He's talking about all this, uh, what's left about you don't have, uh, a liberal, uh, listeners that are willing to challenge you in a actual debate.

You do. Um, let me tell you real quick. I will fuck you, destroy you all day every day. I love your show. I love your opinions. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's all great and good. Um, in fact, it's a little nice to a lot of things. You know what I mean? I don't look at the right, I hate to play if I can ping, but for the sake of this conversation. I don't disagree with your opinion. It's just based on that.

You've actually given me a lot of ammo. And a lot of understanding on both sides, right? That's good. But if you debate me, you're going to talk to somebody that will absolutely destroy you from the lot. So I don't want to be destroyed. to truly destroy you from the lab. So I don't wanna be destroyed. And I don't necessarily know if you understand that.

Like the true progresses, like the true blue, I hate to call it alt-life, it's not alt-life, it's just the phase. The true base of the blue side of the conversation, we have a lot of talent which makes it easy for me to go in and go home on you. So hit me back. You know what I mean? I got you, you know, whatever, but I'm a little, a little, a little, not trying to promote anything. And it's really what I exchange my ideas with you, you know. Destroy me. Um, will you call sober? You won't win now. So I'm good. I'm serious in the cock.

You won't win now. So I thought I did a three-way to the cock He's I like him. I Was where we're at Destroy you Friendly this friendly. Yeah Go fuck yourself I want it. I want anyone to be the show. Go fuck yourself. I don't want it. I don't want anyone to be destroyed. Me, especially.

Yeah. Destroy, I destroy you. I don't want to do that. It seems extreme. It seems extreme. It is true that it is true it's, it is true that it's easy to find right wing, like, tucky people to call in, and it's more difficult to find

liberal ones. They don't want to call in. Yeah. I don't want to destroy anyone though. Let's see here. Here's another negative one. But these are the now shit. You're fucking idiot moron trope that you vote for is what?

A fucking awful business man It puts so many people at small business in New Jersey where I fucking live out of business And in Chicago also where I also want these a fucking piece of shit The guy you fucking broke where you think that fucking awesome business man for fucking people out of their money that worked on his fucking building That money that worked on his fucking building that criticized every fucking person on this earth immediately took three days to say anything about this fucking event. That's the problem. You are you that fucking blind and have your head up his fucking ass.

So fucking muddries doubling down your fucking boat that you can't see that the reason i people are saying fuck truffle miss is because he took three days and normally he oh the one black guy fucking set down on the calcler counsel uh... the uh...

the medicine guy immediately fucking down to him but it can't do it against the kk k and shit okay okay that you're you're losing your future of funding for me no she started with that that was gelato gerry to uh... that gelato gerry i'd like to leto gerry

i got that he's got a name on the contact list on my voice Google voice thing damn it's not everyone has that Oh, well Can't win them all Sean. No, let's see what else we go here So on your short Dictant scenario problem So I think about what me is boxers shorts, boxes underwear, whatever, whatever, whatever the fuck you want to call them, drawers. Not having a fucking hole in the front. So let me, I can't figure out why all of our shorts are not like that. Like,

what is the reason to just have a flat piece of material, maybe in a cup format, it's still closed for a guy. Every guy wants you to fucking urinal, dipped out of pants, reach in, just move that a little bit of flat material aside, hold a dick out of this. Instead, we find the fucking pairs of drawers that it's just close. Connect, you don't have to have to wriggle in and pull down like your waistline and swap your shit out. And that just messes everything fucking up.

But I just, I don't know. I have no fucking idea of why when you go to the store, you've all these different kinds of materials and that's that. And then there's this weird thing where you also then have to make sure Which I was fucking forget on my wife nice me shit, and I she does she didn't know and there's not that There's not the whole there's not that easy access, you know panel in the front TV the urinal or we talked about this in the bonus episode

We got to get that up. I'll get that up this week. I want to do another one this month. Cool. Because that was fucking like three, we were three hours, four hours. It was, it was too much. I was fucking dead. I think what happened was we all ate birthday cake and then had like some kind of diabetic coma. Yeah. Almost a cure. And the only person who could speak was a stereos. Yeah, he's the only one that can keep his mouth above the water of the diabetes that consumed a soul. He's used to eating cakes. Yeah, well, that's like your opinion man.

Yeah, but I think I want to do another bonus episode where I talk about either the cartoon, I'll tell you the story of the cartoon. Yeah, you should. You should. So I was talking about it at the pre show. It's a funny story. Yeah.

Yeah. Is it funny story of why everything sucks? Oh. Is it, it was a real, it was legit cartoon. That was. Box cartoon. I've got the pilots. They're fucking terrible.

I don't want anybody to see them. Oh, I guess we got to get the lost episode. It's going first. Let me see if I got one more. And I got a bunch more. Three more, but they're long. Hey, Johnny from Miami. You don't want to see the fuck off when you turn a corner

in the car and you're already heading towards an intersection. And it's more fucking intersection stays green For a pretty long time, but then as soon as soon as it sees you within the trajectory of Yeah, you might actually make it trajectory It's fucking just switches the light Breaking fast like a piece of shit Like a man you the first kind of part in front of this piece of shit, red light. Is there a way around this?

I think they do that shit on purpose. I don't know what, I don't know what they're after. I don't know what the fuck they're after, but they're after something. God damn it, man. They said that these red light cameras, you need all these things to suck, man. He's got these red light cameras. He's all he can talk man. They have this red light cameras. We got to overthrow the government because of red light cameras. He's not wrong.

He's not wrong. There's a version where that happened. Hey, we're going to roll out these red light cameras over our dead bodies. I got a million fucking armed guys. What, where is that party? The I'm really fucking tired of having to run defense on this shit all the fucking time.

Red light cameras. No, no, we got a million, we got a, we got a, we will overthrow the government 100%. I think here, I think here they don't even, you've never had to pay those tickets as it turned out because well, but so many people did. No, no, I know, a lot of people did. And I, it's still, I think I want to say,

I think in Hawaii too, they put them in and just nobody paid attention to them. Nobody has a bunch of money. Yeah, they didn't. Yeah, it never never happened. They're not a citizenship. Just kind of went like, uh, no, not enough man. We need, we need a for real no man party like a just a party, a political, not even a, a political action committee where when you get a red light camera situation

or a plastic bag band situation or any of these situations where that will just never go away it's uh... nope we got a million guys we've all got guns and pitch forks and actual torches not taking torches and we are literally going to other over throw the government today. Not violently, not violently unless you guys fight back. And then it will be very violent because we are sick. We are sick of having pictures taken of us running red lights.

That's why it has nothing to do with any rights or taxes. It's just fucking stop. Stop what you're doing. Stop it. You're, we're the parents now. That's it. He's right. And he's, that's my lieutenant.

Number one, for the guys who are sick of it. His career trajectory has just skyrocketed. It's just so fucking frustrating because he's right. We're all like drilled into our brain. I was fucking red light cameras. I was like, I got a slam on my brakes like an asshole. Who's profiting from this misery? Who?

Camera companies. Contracts with the city. Oh, God. Just later after, later after layer of, oh, connect the dots to see who's fucking you. Well, that's the one, two, three, four. Oh, I gotta go to work. I didn't get to connect the dots.

I didn't get to connect the dots and my adult activity to book to see who's fucking me today. All I know is I'm poor. I better start over tomorrow. Oh, it's a new, it's a new dots now. You gotta start all the fuck over at one. Okay. Well, maybe I'll get a little further today on this big list of 10 million dots to see who's fucking me over. Nope. Nope. Try again tomorrow. Ah, fuck it. Wake up tomorrow. Ah, where is my pen? Up too late. I didn't get to, I didn't connect any of the dots today.

Fuck! He's right. He's fucking right. You want to hear about hatred of Nazis or trans in the military? It's tough one. Couple of light topics. Oh, it's tough one. Couple of light topics.

Nazis, trans in the military. Yeah. Oh, let's do trans in the military. Okay. Trans in the military it is. So I was trying really, really hard not to call and weigh in on this whole asisteria is going, apeshit crazy over trans in the military thing. But God damn it. I can't

I just can't sit and listen to them go on and on and on for 17 hours about trans in the Military and how they're super oh my God. Oh God. Asterios. I'm a moderate and I hate extreme conservatism as much as you do, but Jesus Christ, dude. Trans people, their suicide rate is not going to go up if you kick them out of the military. The trans suicide rate is not high because of external factors. It's not high because of what other people think about them. Their suicide rate is high because they're trapped in the wrong body because they're born and they're walking around in this thing that they feel that they shouldn't be walking around on.

And no matter how much surgery they get, no matter how much like callysis or big, beautiful tips that they get bolted to their chest or how clean they get their dicks cut off or shoved up inside of them, they go. I don't know how it works. I'm not a scientist. That's not works. But no matter how much of this cosmetic shit that they do to try and present themselves as the gender that they feel that they are, it doesn't fucking matter because they still know deep down that they're walking around in the body that they were born with.

They still have the chromosomes of this thing that they think that they're not. They know that everything they do is cosmetic and they can't fucking change it. They know that they're an abomination to themselves and all they can do are these Frankensteinian experiments to try and change them into the thing that they know that they'll never be. That's why their suicide rate is so fucking high. It's not because they say that they can't serve in the military. That's why their suicide rate is so fucking high. It's not because they say that they can't serve in the military. It's not because people are mean-noomerating, like that. Jesus Christ. Look at the suicide rate of gay people when they were regarded as monsters and abominations of society. It wasn't, you know, they weren't 45% at risk for suicide.

It wasn't, you know, they weren't 45% at risk for suicide. They weren't. It's because they have this, they have a mental problem. And that's what they're doing this. So, so get off that fucking bandwagon of, oh, transgender military, we gotta, we have to support everybody. No, the fuck you don't have to support everybody. I have two trans friends and I would not want either of them to be in the god damn military because there are emotional fucking rex

and they walk around every day knowing that they're trapped in something that they're not god damn it i don't know how you argue with that it's an interesting phone call i mean you know i looked up those suicide rates he's talking about are they much higher than way way higher? Look, it's way higher than like, you know, higher than anything else. Even in like, even in cities like San Francisco and L.A. where it

must be because if you're not okay with yourself, there's nothing outside that's that's going to help that and the reverse.. And that's, yeah. I mean, how many times do I screaming at people for them to just change, for them to feel a little bit worse about themselves? Where I just like, I just want you to feel one ounce of pain for me. And they won't.

And they just won't. If they just double down and they go, oh, I feel better about myself if he hates me. Yeah. Like maybe, no, it must be a real, it must be a real, I feel better about myself if he hates me. Yeah, like maybe. No, it must be a real, it must be a real, it must be a real tough place to be, if you legitimately feel like you're in the, or you know, you're in the wrong body.

You're in the wrong body. You're in the wrong. You are in the wrong family. And like you say in the right gamings. And like, well, and I've, you know, and I've heard this, I've read about this where it's like, yeah, you are an abomination to yourself. And I would love for more, I would love for trans people to call in here, but nothing

other we have on hand. Chelsea. Of course, yeah. She called in and Stephen was on the way, but then decided not to. But yeah, I mean, there's no doubt. There's, I don, there's no doubt. I don't think you have to be a psychologist to understand. That would create some mental turmoil.

Because also, I'll date girls who are, I've dated girls who are beautiful and just don't believe it. And I'll tell them that. And they'll twist it into a an insult and thinking well That's in there. It's in their brain that they don't think that they think there's something else What's going on? Surely that applies to trans people as well. It applies to people it applies to everybody Yeah, so how the fuck I guess I just go back to that original statement like I will I'll spend I'll spend as much time as possible to try to make someone feel bad and fail.

And it will only make them feel better. Like, to say that, to say that the suicide rates are to blame for that is, ah, that's a, that's a big stretch. It's a big stretch for me. I think that guy, he said it well. Wherever it is, whatever it is. All right, let's end on some Nazis. No, you're gonna do Nazis too. Make me choose and the one and both.

No, I'll just, that's true. That's also if he's choice you. The other one dies. See you next Tuesday. Tuesday.