The Dick Show - Episode 70 - Dick on Turning Japanese

Episode Date: October 3, 2017

The season of obligations begins, I send Peach to the hospital, being a ghost vs. being a man, a libertarian haunted house, an apology cryptocurrency, front-of-the-line passes, Japanese suicide phones, men holding hands under any circumstance, the Sean hentai challenge, my Rick and Morty prediction, Lowtax gets banned from Twitter, Sean's secret Instagram account, a shocking revelation by Peach that upstages my erotic story, smart soda machines, anti-robites and the curse of the blue collar opiate addiction, and Captain Jackass with Hooker News from Facebook; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah Welcome to dick you need dick you want to dick you love dick. It's the show Where everything is a podcast coming to you live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city failure I'm your host dick masters and with me is always a shawnt the audio engineer. Hello dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? You're joining us today very special ever a very special beginning to the the Halloween slash Thanksgiving slash Christmas slash New Year's slash Valentine's Day season that only ends in St. Patrick's Day.

He's a lovely peach saliva. Hello today. Hi. Oh, that's your thing, right? Yes. Sean, her thing is hello today. Hello today. Ah, on, that's your thing, right? Yes. Sean, her thing is hello today. Hello today on her Twitch stream. That's how I begin. It's twitch.tv slash get a new fucking device because yours can't handle it. Really? Yeah, that's how you reach Peach on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash get an app download an app sign up for a program.

Try to figure out what the fuck where the things are. Is it an I'm there? Is that twitch? Oh, Sean. Yeah, the app is a disaster. Oh, it's a mess. But it's gotten so popular. You think they'd smooth that shit out. I think they make it complicated on purpose so that you can never escape.

Cause then you go to use the customer service of, yeah. And then you're like, I can't use anything ever again. And you guys make tons of money on that. We do, right? We do, right? Who's we? The royal me. No, not, yeah, her.

Her. Her. She does. People do, people can. I feel bad though. I think I sent Peach to the hospital. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Maybe a little. He did. I feel very guilty about that. I want to launch into things that make me rage, but I think I sent Peach to the hospital. Do you have a medical bracelet? Yeah, I got back an hour ago. No way. I haven't slept in about 33 hours at this point.

Oh, god damn. Yeah. I feel real bad about that. Oh, don't. I do apology. Is there a way has twitch made it so that I can apologize to you with some virtual bullshit currency and not have to actually do it? Yes. You can use bits. You can use bits. That's really. Seriously. You, you, I don't, like, I'm too high to like, they shoved me full chock full of morphine.

The comps full of morphine was the phrasing and I was looking for on that anytime. So I apologize. It's always pumped full of Sean. That's the magic word I'm looking for. Well anyway, I apologize for any meandering, but yeah, you can use bits I guess, which is, yeah, I think you what you pledge to watch

for me on a, that's gonna be my initial coin offering. Do you know what that is, yeah, I think you what you pledge. Yeah, that's my, I'm gonna, that's gonna be my, my initial coin offering. Do you know what that is, Sean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do? Explain it immediately. Or else look foolish. We talked about it with, who's the guest?

Andrew Torva. Yes. Yeah. It's the new, it's the new type of stock offering. Yeah. You don't do stocks anymore. It's on cryptocurrency. Yeah.

Yeah. You just like, you have a math, you have a math, you have a math currency, you have your cryptocurrency, you get money, and then you give out half of it. Uh-huh. And you keep the other half, right? Right. You keep the half that's worth something. Yeah. Yeah. You give out the shitty, the, the coins. Instead of stocks,

yeah, the same, right. Same thing, right? Right? Yeah. Except it's probably cheaper to run, because it's all based on crypto currency, not the stock exchange, right? Yeah. That's what, that's what I want one of those for apologies. I want hallmark. This is a great idea. Save it for a bonus episode. Oh, no, no, no, I'm not doing that anymore. I don't even know where the bonus is end and the the real show begins. Fair enough. Last time we did we just did a bonus episode last week. And I think we coach said he was going to get into cosplay. Remember that? Well, I think he only wants to do cosplay with Jamie Lynn Hughes.

Well, either way, he's going to have to do it. Yeah. So somebody wrote in that knowing his body type, they've never seen a picture of it. Burley? Well, yeah, that he should go as Dr. Robotnik. Oh, that's brilliant. That's brilliant. He would go as Robotnik.

I guess Jamie would go as Rose. Is that the, I'm not going to pretend like I haven't like I've been around the internet a long time. I've seen a lot of sonic corn. I mean, a Rose. Yeah. Amy Rose, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. It's always it's the pink Sonic and the bat. A Rouge Rouge is her name. The bat. Sean. They got me porn. Like, you know how Sonic the Hedgehog looks, right? Yeah. Well, yeah, I've seen him sculpted once. Yeah.

Wasn't very good. The porn is about that erotic. Asmatix is sculpted. It's the 3D print. Yeah. So that's the pitch for coach that he goes his doctoral botanical. I filled in the Amy Park because I don't know any. I don't know any sexy Sonic.

You know what Jamie would go as? Someone who doesn't play Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah. No, this is my cryptocurrency. It's hallmark the company makes a currency on apologies. Instead of a card, you just buy the, I'm sorry coin and send it to somebody. So then we've got an economy of sorry's going around.

See? Yeah. Yeah. I'm into it. That's real money. Yeah. That's real money in this imaginary currency, Sean. And then someone could just throw you 10 bucks in I'm sorry credits.

Yeah. Wouldn't you prefer real money though? Like I'm sorry. That's that's craft though. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Wouldn't you prefer real money though? Like I'm sorry. That's that's crash though. Yeah. Yes. That's why you take a woman to dinner and you don't just like start peeling off 20s like on Tinder. There has to be a moment. Yeah. Bitch. You know, you tell me you tell me when you tell me when the teeth go away and I'll stop peeling the 20s off. You need that abstraction. Is that way they call them fuck up flowers when you when you fuck up and you give a girl flowers? But wouldn't it be great if instead of flowers?

It was a real tangible money currency. Yeah. I love it. That's very abstract because nobody understands what it is. No. It's a good. Anyway, it's the start of the start of the season. The start of the season of doing shit. I don't want to do being obligated to do shit. I don't want to do. And having a, having a, a return on my time spent doing something that was just not as, as good. Is it, is enough to justify having done it every season, every season gets worse.

It's the Halloween party negotiations. It's the haunted houseery. Hey, let's go to a haunted hay ride. We get on, it's a trick going on a horse carriage ride. No, there's no treats. It's only tricks. It's tricks of going on a horse carriage ride. No, there's no treats. It's only tricks. It's tricks of going on a hay ride. Let's go to a haunted house.

No, world's scary enough. Hunted hay ride. Remember that as a kid? Did you ever go on on? Yeah. When I was like eight. What is that? Is that even real?

A haunted hay ride? Yeah. What's scary about it? You real? A haunted A ride? Yeah. What's scary about it? You sign up and this guy comes to your house and kicks your ass and takes $200 from your wallet. I believed you for like, and he logs into your computer and leaves a review on Yelp telling other people that they should sign up.

Is this sound fun? No. That's what it is. No, it isn't. What really happens on a haunted A ride? The sheep rape you. Yeah. Oh my God. Jesus. That's what happens. Okay. I went through all this trouble. You know, we have the video feed for this show that you can see on Patreon.com. So there's the

next show. And went through all this triple trouble to surreptitiously set up the camera angle on page. Yeah. So that would be, you know, a delight to look at. She's a very beautiful woman. Yeah.'s just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like,

you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, you know, she's just like, Thanksgiving. As she closes her arms crossed. Yeah. Haunted houses roll into Thanksgiving, shopping a burqa next time. Yeah. Should ban those. Yeah. Gotta get out in front of it. Yeah. We're gonna be have to making a lot of concessions. Yeah. In the future. Yeah. What we're banning. We're okay with. We're not okay with rolls into, rolls into,

it takes the whole month. It's the planning, the planning for it, the planning for Thanksgiving, the trips, and the shopping, and the talking about what should be shopped about, that takes up the entire month. God forbid you want to get any work done during this time because everybody is out to lunch.

Everybody, all of America shuts down from Halloween to St. Patrick's Day. That's it. It's just food, food, everybody, everybody in America just gets fat as fuck eating as much as possible, handing, giving each other rotting food. Oh, here, you gotta try this. You gotta, this is left over from, you gotta try this turkey. It's a month of shoving pumpkins down your throat.

Then it's a month of shoving turkey down your fucking throat. A turkey, they're gonna have turkey for appachinos this year at Starbucks. Did you know that? The pumpkin spice was so successful, they're having turkey cappuccinos now. They're in the whole meal. Yeah.

Can you just try to pad themselves up for winners? They can sell one. It's disgusting. And then you get tinsel and cheer, shoved straight down your throat for the rest of the year. Then you start thinking about what a fuck up you are. At the worst possible time. Yeah.

What are you gonna resolve to do next year? I'm not gonna take three months off, dicking around at the end of the year, spending money on shit. I saved, I spent, I worked the whole front load of the year, the whole three quarters of the year, just to try not to blow it all in the last quarter. Christmas roll, then that's when it rolls into New Year's.

Oh, what are you gonna do differently next year? Will you got me in my worst, man? I'm drunk, I'm fucking fat as hell, and I'm broke. I'm gonna, I'm just gonna hibernate next year. On October one, I'm gonna go into a bunker and sleep. Well, here we are. I'm never leaving after this are. I'm never leaving. After this show, I'm not leaving.

I'm just gonna stay in here. Dig a burrow over there. I swear to God, last Christmas, I was too sick to get anybody any presents. Do you remember that? Yeah, I do. I was the greatest. It was like a week ago.

It was like it's fucking years, man. I was sick talking about blow jobs I've got in a church. Yeah. Talking about ruining Christmas, which I didn't get anybody any presents. fucking years, man. I was sick talking about blow jobs I've got in a church, yeah. Talking about ruining Christmas, which I didn't get anybody any presents. And it was the greatest Christmas I've ever had in my life. All the presents just went in, I can't recommend it enough. And because nobody will expect it, you know,

if you only do it once, if you only do it once or twice or three times in your life, right? Like Rick and Morty changing dimensions, nobody will, then they won't punish you for it. So I can't do it again this year. But God, that was a great Christmas. Even though I sick, but when you sick, you get shit faced every day. When you're sick, yeah. Man, when I'm sick, I wake up. Oh, you do. Yeah, when I feel just a little tickle in my throat.

Oh, my God, bring it here we go. Here comes the vodka. One cure. Colin's sick. Because that's how I get one over on the being sick. How do you get one over on the being sick? I will make myself sicker than the being sick. But do you get one over on the being sick? I will make myself sicker than the being sick. But then you're still sick.

But it's by my choice. It's like, Socrates taking the hemorrhag. Yeah. I'll show, oh, you little viruses, you little dick brain viruses. Think you have, you think you can outsmart this guy? Think again, because I have technology and liquor on my side.

Let me show you a little pussy's how a man makes a man sick. Let me show you how, let me show all of you, wait, are viruses homosexual or are they asexual? Let me show you self-sex having mother, no. They're asexual, aren't they? They reproduce by, no, because're, they're asexual, aren't they? They reproduce by, don't they? No, because they, they have to infect other things.

They're basically all rapists. All viruses, aren't they? I don't know. I don't know, I'm not Bill Guy. Bill Nye. It's Bill Nye, it's for the sky. I'm Bill Guy. The science, dude.

Ha ha ha. Quasai. Bill Guy, the science, the science, dude. Quasai. Bill guy, the science dude. You got any questions I got? Like, you know, I got an idea about what's going on. That's the world I really want to live in. No internet to fact check me on anything. What, where an engineer thinks he knows it all?

Don't know what kind of world that would be. No, I don't want to be that you know what's the worst about. Then you roll in then then then then new years rolls into Valentine's Day. But the Valentine's Day starts early man with the planning and the reminding to planning. Women have about 10 stages of reminding you that you need to think about it but also remember to remind them that you know it's not a big deal to them. Yeah. Yeah, you need to think about it, but also remember to remind them that you know it's not a big deal to them. Yeah.

Yeah, you have to do both now. It's not good enough. See, it goes both ways. Like, women have to do a lot in the bedroom for us these days. The end. No, not the end, not the end. But we've also got it, we've also got to treat them

like they're people. Like that they're not all money grubby. Like that they're not. Like that they don't all want it, but we know that they do. Yeah, we all just pretend, isn't that great? You want to have your, you want to be on brand though. You want presence, but you want to be on the brand of, I'm a, I don't want presence. Of course. I'm cool. I would, you know, if you just got me a CD of my favorite

music, I would be okay with that, but I'm not fucking okay with that at all. You better get me something. I know exactly how much you make you motherfucker, because it's right on the front of your Patreon, you better not. Better, if you better find that percentage line and you better hump that you fucking better right? Yeah, you got you got you should figure it out. You that's that's women. That's why I'm so miserable all the time. I have it exactly figured out. And then it wrote Sean, then it rolls into then you can see that St. Patrick's day coming from two months away. That's what when that Valentine's Day rolls from two months away.

That's what, when that Valentine's Day rolls around, man, and you're just sweating, and you think, what's the point of, what's the fucking point of all this? And your office that only just started working again is now full of estrogen and flowers, and sickening sentiments and lies. Just a market place of lies that you're in in Valentine's Day, that you have to participate in,

because you're guilty too. That's when you can see it off in the distance St. Patrick's Day. It's skipping around. Well, lucky charms guy. Hey, don't worry, I'm right here. And you just, you cruise. You're just about dead When you get there every year

Yeah, I'm just about dead every year. So the finish line is St. Patrick's day. Yeah, and we have a lot of kill yourself Yeah, and pop pop I appears to me and puts a beer belong in my mouth Crooks you're right up and whispers my air Yes, it's pop by yes, it's Popeye. Yeah. It's the same Patrick State Popeye. That's what he was eating. It wasn't even spinach. Wait, you're using Popeye instead of like the Lucky Charms guy.

I don't want that. That's your... That's fucking weirdo. Who the fuck is not a fucking weirdo? No, he's just a regular guy that gets drunk, gets in fist fights with dickheads and fucks a, not an attractive woman. That's a regular guy that gets drunk gets in fist fights with dickheads and fucks of Not an attractive woman that's a regular regular guy is a kids because manual labor No one knows why he fucks that bitch, but he does Fucking does because he lost his two by four with a not poked out

Has there ever been the other better casting so much spinach that he closes the other eye that he fucks olive oil? Is there ever been better movie casting than Shelley DeVol. Robin Williams. Yeah, I mean just big ass area arms. Yeah. Hundred houses man. Hundred May. Hey, the last episode of Rick and Morty is tonight. The last season finale. God, I feel like it just started. It's just final. Yeah. God, dammit. You got any predictions? I thought it'd be fun to have some predictions. Predictions for Rick and Morty. That shows.

Because this is going to air on Tuesday. I had no way I could make a prediction. I'm just gonna say, I've only seen one episode of Rick and Morty. I love that show. That's cause you're, you know, it's probably because you're just not intelligent enough to appreciate how really smart that that show is. And all the implications of the science involved in it.

I'm sensing some... This is from Bill Guy here. Yeah, I'm Bill guy Yeah, I'm a good show. I yeah, I like the episode I saw I just Drop the ball. I got a prediction for it. I think I think Rick and Morty will go on a 20-minute lecture on how the female writers of that show don't deserve any backlash and that they're just as good and that they didn't contribute in any way to the weird bullshit that started with the season.

It'll be very, I'm just, yeah. Okay. They short up the writing staff with a bunch of chicks and then the season started a little weird because everybody said, oh, maybe it's those. I mean, it's insulting already that you'd like hired gender specific writers, but let's capitalize on it and, you know,

you know how people are. That's some's different. I bet that's the cause. Yeah, probably is. Probably is. You know, it makes me, it makes me a rage about haunted houses. You like haunted houses? Not particularly.

It's the, it's me, it's the season, man. It's the season of, hey, um, oh, did you have a good summer? Well, it's time to pay the piper. It's time for activity. It's time for activities. So what did we do? We went to... Universal Studios. Hollywood Horror Nights, right? Hollywood Horror Nights. They just take a...

What this was yesterday? No, it was Friday. This is how Peach got sent to the hospital. Yeah, Jesus. I think. Yeah. I did it to my full bed about it. No, it's... I feel bad about it. No, I feel bad about it. What they do at these haunted houses, it's just, it's a bunch of guys jumping out of like, first of all, first of all at these places, it's crammed, it's crammed like a concentration camp with the back and forth turn styles, like crammed.

And they're just, there's any sense of like spookiness is totally negated by the sheer volume and the volume and proximity to other people. To people plying at each other, you know, those guys standing in line, like the, and it's always, it's always two,

it's always two little people, standing in line, hugging each other, you know, dudes got spants all the way down to his knees, rocking, rocking back and forth, like they're in a lemaz class, in a line waiting to go

in a robbed zombie on a douse, totally oblivious to the world. Like this is a picture in Peter Dinklage and Bridget the Midget. Yeah, except give them little Mexican mustaches because it's a universal studio's Hollywood. Yeah, great. You know, you know exactly who I'm talking about

in the lines. You know, kids there too, just groping and sickly massaging one another romantically, because we'll take it, guys, we'll take it wherever we can get it. Yeah, sure. It could be, you know, there could be a, there could be a murder or a loose in the house. And you're stuck in a closet with somewhere, like, oh, maybe I could. Oh, yeah. Hong Kong.

Yeah. You're over there. Hey, are you comfortable sitting on my mom's wedding dress box over there? Maybe you could come over here and sit on my lab. You get in there and either you get into the haunted house and you're either dry-humping the guy in front of you or the guy behind you is dry-humping you. Yeah, you're ass. You're just going back and forth. Yeah, they just cram you through there. They just crumping you. Yeah. You're ass. Yeah. You're just going back and forth. Yeah, they're just cramming through there.

They just cram you through there. Yeah. It's not scary at all. It is scary though. You screamed so much. Don't even give me that horse shit. Yeah, there you go. Suck that down.

There you go. Peach. You'll better. Peach. What? It costs a lot to go to those stupid things. Yeah. So here's the other thing. What is it?

Like 70 bucks for general, really? That's general admission. That's general. Okay, so here's, but then they also give you, they also give you the front of the line pass option. Yeah. Which, how much would you think it is? Hmm.

I don't know, 30 bucks. Seems 30 bucks seems reasonable. I have no idea. That's what you would pay for it The front of the line just for that thing. Yeah for the whole park for the whole part what then you can go to the front of the line It anything even the bathroom. I walked up showed this guy my pass and punched him right in the face Get the fuck away from me front of the line, this dick was shooting everywhere. It's probably more, I don't know. Like 120 bucks. I was gonna say it was probably more than. But you don't understand.

So the first time I ever went to this stupid thing, I was dating this girl one time, go five years ago. I went to this thing, I was really, it was the perfect time of dating when I wanted to show off still. I'm like, oh baby, please. With me, it's front of the line all the time. Of course, don't even, don't even ever ask me about front of the line passes again.

You just throw them on. Right. What, please. What do we, this is the moment of, this is the time of dating, which you're like, what's even the point of making of having any money? It's just to spend on experiences.

Yeah. What fools we were. What, what, I don't know what that point of the dating is called, but it ends very quickly. Do you think chicks do chicks know that? Absolutely, that's the honeymoon phase. But do you know that our But do you know that your access to the gold vault is about to be slammed close forever?

Why does that do you think we're constantly like, what are you doing? Do you want to hang out? Because we want you to pay for shit. Yeah. Scott, let's do this. Let's do that. We only have a short amount of time. It is. A lot of access to that dough.

Yeah. And it's gone. Anyway, I was dating this girl. She wanted to go. Because like every girl she wants, she really wants to be scared for some reason. Because it's fun, you pussy. It's like yeah, a good friend of the line pass,

friend of the line pass. And it's Sean, it's like, if you don't have this front of the line pass, you are stuck waiting for an hour and a half. Yeah. To walk through a basically an army tent where guys jump out of doors and go, that's essentially every haunted house, isn't it? Yeah, and they hang floss from the ceiling or whatever. So it's annoyingly gets on you.

So you have to blink and then when you blink, they, that's when they capitalize on it and get you and make you look like an asshole. But here's the other thing. Excuse us. Yeah, Peach is walking through, Peach is walking through like the toughest guy in the, Peach is walking through like Robert DuVall and Platoon.

Like nothing, like apocalypse now, apocalypse now. Like she's the toughest, like she's a tough guy you actually pushed me in front of yeah, yeah You you used me like a human She was so but here's the here's the thing. I paid so much money for like I can sit there and Tell myself that it's just men and rubber suits and like think about how, like, oh man, what a rough job this would be, right? Like I feel, I can tell myself and look at it long enough and say, yeah, it's just like it's just like a child's play, right? It's just like wearing a body suit and a mask.

That's suddenly I'm not scared at all anymore, right? Yeah. Like when you're afraid of things in the dark, when you're a kid, and then at some point, you realize why the hell would, like why would aliens want to get me? Like what are they? My asshole isn't that exciting. It's just an absence of photons in the visible spectrum.

Yeah, is that dickhead from Elon Musk? Yeah, but I'm thinking like, what about like monsters and aliens? It's like, what do they care? Why don't I just go play the lottery, right? The odds of getting, yeah. Like, what makes you so special that it's so cute? Yeah, what makes me so special?

Yeah, exactly, you go. So I can convince myself that it's just a fun house, but then I'm robbing myself of all the money that I just paid to experience going through. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And this is what I'm thinking about the whole way through. You've got to actually, probably,

you probably actually have to psych yourself up to be scared, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Oh my God. That's what it is, Sean. He's asshole. I just god. That's what it is, Sean. You asshole. I just tossed that out there and.

Good wing man. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. See if that flies. You're a huge pussy. I don't know if I told you that enough, but there you go. You know what I'm afraid of? What are you afraid of?

What? I'm afraid of like a, what if a real crazy person was in there? Injecting, like injecting aids into people with a syringe in the park. Well, that's the time to do it. That's the time to do it. Cause then you start, people are screaming and freaking out and then no one even notices.

Yeah, Sean. Well, isn't that why a lot of murders and shit happen on Halloween and a lot of gun activity happens on 4th of July because you hear all these things. Yeah, I'm an activity. What do you mean gun activity? The gun activity. Oh, sorry, shootings.. Yeah, I'm an activity. What do you mean gun activity? The gun activity. Oh, sorry, shootings. I'm high. Leave me alone. What do you mean shootings? What? What kind of shootings have on 4th of July?

In Chicago, I think most like, every day of 4th of July. Yeah, you guys like, I got a robber liquor store today to celebrate America and defend it. I swear to God, I feel like 4th of July has some of the highest rates of gun-related crimes in the city on the Fourth of July or surrounding that weekend. If I'm not mistaken, I might be completely wrong. It makes sense. It's like in the Godfather too, when Vito kills Don Funucci, when there's a big parade and everything like that, and he goes to his, you know,

yeah, yeah, because there's just so many bangs and stuff anyway, just, yeah. A lot of murders in Halloween. I assume you should try it my way though. Can yourself all freaked out about a haunted house? Oh, we'll go through like stone cold Steve Austin. Dude, I would kill to be scared. I'm so desensitized. I would love to be frightened, but it's like nothing about those scare me.

It's like you said, it's just wax people waving their hands real fast in front of your face. But my eyes just shoot the words lawsuit. If you fucking touch me, I will call my lawyer so fat. Why are you looking at me like that? I'm afraid of you. Good. This is the worst thing that could happen.

That's right. You got to hear about it all. I want to see Guy Haunted House, like just for men. We got to hear this complaining all night, like right at the beginning, oh one little thing, one guy said the wrong thing to your date at the bar and then it's the whole way. Good, why could you let,

how could you let your friends say that to me? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Every room. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Right? And then it's like her mom. Her mom is put like, oh, you've never met her mom before. And her mom pops out through the door.

She's like 300 pounds. Like, oh, no, she had no. And there's a guy, the worst crystal ball ever. Yeah. The only accurate crystal ball. The only accurate crystal ball. Oh, God. Oh, that's a tough pill, pill this wall.

Yeah, really is. And you're like, but I can't see it. I mean, it's, she's all possible. Not possible. She's already this age. Yeah, it's like, yeah, I'm sure shit. It's gonna happen. You bank statement falls out of your pocket.

Don't know when. Oh, no, cover it up, cover it up. Yeah. That's a haunted house for me. Right? Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

The haunted house for them would be like paying for the fast passes. 240 bucks! You hear that gasp? Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. You're not to wait at all.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, I remember when I got him with that girl, we went to the Universal Studios Halloween thing and we were both shocked that you just get to walk right in. You feel like a fucking celebrity. If you don't want to walk right in. So then a couple months later,

she got us tickets to go to Magic Mountain. And it's her, maybe it was more than that to Magic Mountain. And we get there, I go right for the first front of the line thing thinking like, oh, cool. So we got front of the line, so she's like, she goes, oh, I didn't get front of the line. Thanks for us.

I think, are you? Why not? What was it about the previous front of the line, Thanks for us. I mean, are you? Why not? What was it about the previous front of the line experience where we both looked at each other and said, this would have been completely miserable without the front of the line thing. And you thought, hmm, well, this time we'll tough it out. Yeah. Because you can't get them at the park anyway.

No, no. I want that guy on a house. I got, yeah. Yeah. I want a libertarian on a house too. I just want a haunted house is for me. I don't want guys jumping out of walls. Yeah.

I want them for me. You want men for you? I want like a Hillary Clinton was president on a house. I got a bunch of guys getting rounded up into castration camps. Oh, God. Oh, God. FEMA, FEMA camps though. Everyone's wearing a pantsuit. Yeah. There's a little TV set that's like, War with Korea. Yeah, war with Russia and Korea. Or Russia, whatever. And North Korea and China. Low jobs are illegal.

What I would say. It's just one room with a television set going, and it's a chair. So I can just sit out and watch TV watch fake TV That makes me feel good about myself It's just it's just it's just like a witch That's what I want and I know and I want it I want it to be on Netflix so I could just watch it at home Anything that would be more fun? It sounds horror.

The most fun, yeah, it does. The most fun, Honored House, was the Ash versus the Evil Dead one. Because it had all these dumb fucks in Ash masks who were just pretending to be at Universal Studios, Halloween. Oh, really? Yeah. And they would all like really cheese it up as ads, like give a thumbs and pretend to fight. Yeah.

Yeah, guys, it was funny. Yeah. Um, anyway. The Jack Nicholson's were cool too. And there was a shining one. There was a shining one. They found a way to make the shining into a haunted house. Yeah.

Talk about haunted houses for too long. I guess Shelley do fall again. Yeah. Yeah. There was a great Shelley to fall. But then Peter to go to the hospital. Yeah. What? He took her on a ride?

Well, here, allow me. Okay. So very quickly, I had a bilateral vertebral artery to section five years ago, long story short, my the arteries and the back of my, I mean, something split, right? Yeah, the inner wall of the artery, essentially I'm at extremely high risk for stroke.

And so I'm not, please, yeah, right. And so I'm not, oh, please, yeah, right. And so I'm not that kind of need to, I need to, John, I'm an extremely high risk for stroke watching this video feed. You know what I'm talking about? Well, anyway, extremely high. So, too, fuck up.

Oh my god. So anyway, anyway, so you know what I mean. So I'm about to have. Oh my God. So anyway, anyway. So. If you know what I mean, I'm about to have a big old embolism over here. So all I ask, I'm technically not supposed to ride roller coasters. All I ask is, is that I'm not supposed to have any whip lash. Is there a sudden stop and start? Is there a sudden stop and start? I asked.

Yeah, and I'm thinking, well, I mean, it's a roller coaster. There are plenty of roller coasters without a sudden stop and start. And you and 80s grow, we're like, oh yeah, no, we've been on this one of our days. What ride is this? The mummy? Oh, I haven't been on it. Well, it's like, it's pretty fast, but then there it turns out that there is a huge jerk.

Is it like, and I saw, I said, it's dick, yeah. There turns out that there is a huge jerk on that right. I saw it coming. I saw the wall and I was like, and that that coaster went so fast. It was shocking. It was pretty fun and exciting.

No, it was great. No, I admit it, but I saw it and I was like, oh, and then, and as soon as it happened, I heard both of you. And then you both went, first of and start and you looked over me. I mean, you know, the worst part is, I've just joking out.

As soon as it happened. Yeah, I have my face is drooping. Yeah, I was, yeah. You guys are assholes. Oh, man. Motherfucker. Yeah. Thanks fucking change.

And I knew it as soon as it happened. I was like, oh man, I remember this part now. And then we had to do the whole thing. It does it three more times. Yeah. Well, it's in the whole rest of the ride, but backwards. Yeah. And the whole time, both of you were just looking me

with like these, like, just frowny faces and I'm just like holding my neck and scowling. The dead strokes. Yeah. See, that's where I need my cryptocurrency cryptocurrency. Look, I mean, because, but no, no, not for you, because I feel bad. And if I could just, if I could just slap down 20, if I could, well, yeah, it's for me.

What do you think apologies are for the person getting apologized to? Yes. Hey, I'm sorry, I fucked your wife. Okay, see, I hope that did abs. I don't really care if that did anything for you, but I did it and I feel better about myself. Yeah. Apologies are never for the person getting apologized to.

As an apology ever, do you feel better? Well, I mean, man, I don't know. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe a little bit if they, if they fooled me into thinking they were genuinely remorseful. But no, but it's like if compliments are for the person giving them, then so are apologies. Yeah, right? Anyway, I'm sorry that I did that to you. It's okay. It's not your straight to the hospital. Really? Yeah, head fell completely off. What's not even true? It's head fell right off. That was the hospital. Did you go on any other rides first? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I was, look, I was not about to be a friend. It was one of those questions like,

so you don't have to leave, right? Yeah, we were still a little kid loaded question. Yeah, yeah, just making sure. A little blood coming out of my mouth. Yeah, that's normal, right? Face droop, it's fine. Just a little blood, that means you're healing. Wait, so what did it do to you?

Does it give you like a crazy headache or? Yeah, there's just like a horrible shooting pain. Get the keeps on giving. One of my, like just it feel, like in my brain, it just feels like it's, I can, I don't know, I just, I can imagine it in my artery and it shoots right up along it and into my head and causes a headache, but it wasn't that bad,

especially at the time. Like it was, I'm sure it's fine. You okay now? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's fine. You okay now? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's fine. You dragged up. I am so high on morphine, they just pumped me full of that shit.

So I'm super fucked. Okay. Yeah, just so you know. Well, there you go, Sean. It's very scary time. Yeah, no shrap in haunted houses. Yeah, spooky. From the line passes.

Um. The hospital was terrible, by the way. There was someone barfing on my left and someone shitting on my right next to me. The only thing. You shouldn't go. Where the curtains in there, you never go to a hospital. I didn't fucking want to, but I also had this shit on my arm as well.

Take care of. That's a whole other. That wasn't my fault game. I'm about that. No. I do want, I want to see man-hunted houses next year. Oh, libertarian haunted house. You should do one like, you should do a bunch of roads.

You should come up with like the haunted like mansion. Guys, yeah. Guys like jump out and you have to scream at them, oh, am I being detained? And then they run away. Am I being detained? Yeah, I love that. That'd be fun.

Technically the law says I don't need a license to drive. Yeah. A bunch of market inefficiencies chasing you around. Yeah. Subsidies. I don't know if you figure out that one. Okay. Rodes. Did you see that they changed the, the, the, the,

anthem protests? I don't, I don't even really want to talk about it, but it's just too funny now. Somebody, are they half sitting and half standing or they're part of it? They changed it so before, before the anthem plays now, all the players go out in the field and make out. And then, and then, and then while the anthem plays, they stand there pretending to respect the flag. People with brain, brain injuries and concussion stand there and pretend to pay respect to the flag.

But they figured it out. Before that, they just get in a big pile and have snacks with each other. They're holding hands now. I don't care what's the difference. Linking arms is closer to other men than holding hands. I could hold, I could hold hands with a guy more comfortably because at least I could pretend it's a handshake. Like okay, I'm just shaking your hands and solidarity good.

But these guys are like, they're like a, like they're square dancing. But no, you can look like you're like flexing your muscles. No. But because then somebody's got to go on top. Like one guy is going to be like this. Yeah. So one guy's going to be the bottom and one guy's going to be the top.

Or they're all doing like a sideways thing where one's the bottom on the left and one's the top on the right. That's point of the beach. Yeah. And the other's pointing at the guy's dick next to him. This is what they're doing now. If you see it, they look like the fucking rockheads.

I haven't seen it. Oh my, it's totally preposterous. Yes, man. They could be pro, they could be pro, if they were protesting me dying, I would not be okay with that. That's how much I, they could be protesting anything.

I don't want it to look like that. Whatever you, whatever you're doing, that's not, the kneeling was, it makes me wish that they were kneeling again. Let's go back to the kneeling. It's fine, at least it sports related. Take a knee. Yeah.

It seems respectful. Taking a knee. But the knee, you know that came from. What? It's because the veterans, when Kaepernick started doing it when he was sitting. Oh, he would sit. Well, yeah, that's how it started. And then he talked or somebody in the who played in the NFL who's also in the military or something told him that it was like the what you do for a fallen soldier is you take a knee. So that's like, he's willing for like fallen back guys.

He's not just respecting. He's doing it. So he's not disrespecting the military as opposed to just sitting. Well, that was where that came. I didn't like, yeah, now that you say that watching them like do the can can before every game, they make a big deal about it too. Like, hold on, we're not going to get to the anthem yet. We all have to come out and hold hands. Wait, they really, they really take like a minute to link. Fucking holding hands in arms.

Yeah. I've been out. Jerry John said he was gonna leg wrestle Bella check out of respect for the military next Sunday. I heard. I don't know if that's, I don't know if he's gonna make I don't know if he's gonna follow up on that. I don't know.

That's what I heard. He just a lot of talking. So it's sick. It's a sick thing that they're doing. Holding hands, making such a big spectacle out of it. Yeah. Just send them pre-2009. Just send them all back to the locker room. Oh, I know. Some people got pissed off last week because I was talking about that I don't really care about it. About the protest. Well, you know, what are you gonna do?

Yeah, can't we all just kind of get it? I think that's what would make it go away. If everybody just said, yeah, I kind of get it. Well, yeah, it seems like it's sex. There might be some more, there might be some deeper issues. And you guys are playing it a little heavy, but I kind of got it. All right, can you just stop doing it now? Is that enough, isn't it?

It's all we want. Everybody just collectively wants somebody to say, I get it. I get it, you're not racist, but you know, I get it. You got issues. You need to bring this whole thing, you need to bring the whole thing down over and I get it. That's what it is.

It's just like a marriage. That's what it is. It's just like a marriage. That's America. That's America. The world's worst married couple is this country. I don't think any other kind is this fucking is this country is like Ray Romano's parents. And they just never give each other the satisfaction of a, oh, I got it. I get it. So first, because the first person that says it loses forever, but not really. You know, can't get divorced. Wait, I mean, isn't I do kind of an, I get it.

At the beginning of the marriage, like the signing of the declarations and independence. Independence? Yeah, that's the I do. What's the meaning you like so much? That's when everybody's excited and looking forward and sees the best in people. Independence day.

Independence day. Independence day. Okay, so everybody's looking forward to the future and they see the good and the other person sign it immediately, say howard. Immediately the sex stops. Why? Why does it say? It's just the way it is.

Because there's no more contest. As soon as you sign that, as soon as you sign the declaration of independence, that's why- But isn't marriage one big contest because no one says I get it? Yes, it shouldn't be. That's what I'm saying. It shouldn't be.

It would be, everything would be a lot better if it wasn't like that. I thought everything was a contest. I know, it's not always be. It would be, everything would be a lot better if it wasn't like that. I thought everything was a contest. I know. It's not always good. It's not always a good thing. That's a good point. All right.

Anyway, Peech, what makes you rage? This is the holding hands. Oh, God. Linking arms. Like, what if your, if your, like, dad was out, like, how would, if your friend was doing that? Hey, I gotta, guys, check me out. It's my first season on football.

Check it out. I'm gonna go watch the game and you tune in and like, Sean is like holding hands with fucking Marshawn Lynch. Like, what the fuck are you doing out there? Holding a man's hand? What the fuck are you talking about? I have an easy way. You low-team other fuckers, you need to get your rack together.

Okay. Do you get that out? I have an easy way. You low-team other fuckers need to get your act together! Oh my God. Okay. Do you get that out? No, because it's gonna get worse. Oh. It's gonna get dumber. Right. How come? Then they're gonna come out and say,

we're not holding hands. Well, they're not. Are they? I mean, they're actually holding hands. What's the difference? There's gotta be some accidental hand contact when they're trying to loop arms. Words mean things. And then there's like the, you know,

those guys are like elbowing each other when they're trying to angle for who gets the more comfortable hand holding position. How do gay guys do that? Because when you hold a woman's hand, you're on top. She's underneath, right? Always gonna be that way.

Not all the time. Really? Yeah, I've been on hand top, whatever. This bullshit you've got going on with the on top of the hands and shit. You think too much about this. No, I don't, because I'm not on TV holding another man's hand.

So I have the people who are not thinking about this enough, it's not this guy. You see how far away Sean and I are? Yeah. We would need sticks to touch each other. Yeah, that's for a reason. This is right. This is by design.

Oh, okay. What makes you? What makes you rage? You just got back from Japan, I understand. I did. I just got back from Japan about. Did you bring Sean any cartoon pornography? He says that Sean says he doesn't understand cartoon pornography.

Really? Not really. Yeah, I really does. He says he cannot be turned on. He said this on a show. Oh, really? Yeah, I know. And applying that he could not be turned on by cartoon pornography.

Well, my dear, I have brought you both a present. Oh, cool. I wanted to bring you so many things. I thought like some weird snacks or like those little clog things that I can't think of right now. Like the samurai sandals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's a name for them, whatever.

The ones made out of wood. Yeah, and they got the stilts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they're wood with the, yeah, with the, yeah. Right, yeah. I went to this, it looked cool. I went to the sick, like, like one of the oldest Zen Buddhist temples in Japan, like, can't remember.

Oh, thank you. Did you get in front of the linepath? No. I mean, kind of. Not those fucking monks right out. So, yeah, 109-year-old jumps out from behind a curtain. This is your present, both of you. All right, some porno.

Yeah, check it out. I think you have to use pornography. Yeah. Sean, do you think that drawing doesn't do anything for you? But that looks like a real person. Oh, oh, oh, well, tomato tomato. No, it's still drawing. It's still drawing. It looks like it looks like a drawing of a photograph.

See, and it's all it's all the kind of women you like with huge tits and a dumb look on her face. How about this guy? That doesn't do anything for you. That's got this drawing. I think this drawing being a porn porn pornographic magazine. I'm this drawing. Why would this drawing be an important, important graphic magazine? I think it's supposed to be a, it's like a fat, big, boobed guy. I think he's, well, it's a woman.

No, that's a woman. No. It's supposed to be an ugly woman. What kind of a porn is this? It has jokes in it. Well, just keep looking and there's good, to be there. I'm gonna be surprised by a joke.

Well, I'm jerking off. Well, you don't enjoy a good Tee-hee while you're doing that. No. Oh. Doing that? Yeah, doing that. Look, I couldn't think of a clever euphemism. Sorry.

Sean, this doesn't do anything for you. Yeah. Show me more. Okay. Yeah, let's add over some. How about this one? This one. Doesn't do anything for me.

Peach, this one doesn't really do anything for me either, though. Look, I mean, a lot of Japanese porn. Look like a child really can do it. A lot of Japanese porn is completely censored. It's not the censoring that is not doing it for me. It's like the shape of the breasts. What do you mean? What's wrong with the shape of the breasts?

It just seems a little bit like not real. What do you mean? Like not, I don't know. Those look great. If I was drawing tits mean? Like not, I don't know. Those look great. If I was drawing tits, that's not how I would make them look. You got a pen, you got paper, let's see what tits look like. I'll draw it after.

I'll draw it after. I was on a slow, the whole show down drawing tits. I'm about to throw it. But just slow it down looking at him. How about that? Does that do anything for you? No. Not even a move.

No, not even a move. So mean. So mean. So mean. So a moment wearing a conservative outfit. Right. It looks like Hillary Clinton drew this. I think I think your heart rate should be monitored right now. How is Japan? It's great.

It was great. It was great. Several things make me rage. I think the entire country and all of its inhabitants make you really. I love I love I have a love hate relationship with Japan. I love it so very, very much a love hate relationship with Japan. I love it. So very, very much. Of course, please, both of you. There's so much to, okay. There's so much to hate and so much to love. Like for, for one thing, they are one of the most

technologically advanced countries on the planet. And yet they love to facts shit. Yeah, they love it. They absolutely love it. I can't remember what I was doing. I was there. They say facts in English. They probably just like to say the word. No, they say it. No, they say literally they say it.

It's like the version of salsa. Fuxi. Seriously, like fuck of fuck suit. Fuck you. Kana. Well, sort of. I actually went to a city called Fukuie, which is spelled like fuck you I

same whatever cool yeah and then I went this time I went to these clips in to Jimbo where where everyone commits suicide off of them. Oh yeah. Is anybody killed themselves? No, but I did I did see was there any reenactments like they throw a body over like Chuckie cheese style. No, but I did see. I did see. Was there any reenactments? Like they throw a body over, like Chuck E. Cheese style. No, but there is. Like a dummy, like they throw a dummy, like married with children, you know. You ever married with children?

They throw dummies off things and be like, ooh, yeah, yeah, okay. I thought you met like a specific scene. Now, the one I'm thinking of is when Al and Jefferson, we're trying to install a satellite. Oh, he fell off the roof. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. It should do that.

That'd be fun if they have a suicide landmark. Well, they do have these, I don't know what they're called, they're like these suicide telephone booths. And. Whoa, that's like right out of Futurama. Right, they're just these telephone booths, right next to the cliffs that has, you can donate several hundred yen, which is like several, like a dollar. Okay.

Like a hundred yen is a dollar. Okay. It's called Hakan, which means a hundred yen, which is a dollar. So you, you can donate that and there's cigarettes there with a lighters. You have like a last cigarette? Well, it's either for that or it's to help call me down or whatever and you can call a loved one for basically free. Is this fucking for real?

I swear, I have a picture of it in my phone. I can show it to you, if you like. So the phone booths exist for you to make free calls. Yes. For letting like tell them to go fuck themselves and they're the reason why you're killing yourself. No. Have a great day, wait no. Because there's like suicide hotline things

all over the booth and stuff. So it's more so you can be like, hey I'm having, you know, that would be a fun holiday. Yeah, well, that's true. The day where everybody pretends that this is the last day and they're gonna kill themselves. They call up everybody and really lay into them.

Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. I don't wanna do that, but I bet somebody has some stuff they wanna say to me that would be funny. Anything for content. Man, oh wow. Japan, what a fun place to live.

Yeah, that was great. It's not as cool as the Ooki Gihara, which is like the blue tree forest or whatever. Did you call it? Did you see anybody using the suicide phones? No, but I kind of went in and I was like, oh, I should take a picture of myself putting like a thing in there. And then I was like, ah, it's disrespectful. So put a dick show sticker right there. I should have. I have many, but I see. Were you the only person there?

Or other people looking like you, just, you know, it's a hot tourist area because I'm sure you. It's so beautiful. I'm watching NASCAR. Everybody's there to see a wreck. No, right? No, it's it's it's it's genuinely just a big eye out. See if anybody's alone. I got 10 bucks on that guy. Well, that's the thing. Yeah, it's going over the edge. Yeah, like who's going to break the first night in prison

in Shawshank? Reducing. Yeah. I mean, there's lots of people around because it's beautiful whether it's just starting to cool off and it's very it's very misty. It's very, very beautiful. It's not as crazy as I sell panties and vending machines. No, it's very misty. It's very, very beautiful. It's not as crazy as I think.

Do they sell panties and vending machines? No. That's a myth. Yeah, that's a myth. That's a myth, really? But there are so many vending machines filled with hot coffee, cold beverages, hot beverages. Hot coffee.

Well, all kinds of beverages. Not as good as panties. No, I'm afraid not, but no panties. But a blue forest also people commit suicide in there. Like it's like a hot spot. Oh, I've heard about hot spot. It is huge. Are there people who go through every now and again

and look for missing people? Constantly. Constantly. They go into a forest to kill themselves? Yeah, because it's beautiful and secluded and you can just leave your car and you can just walk in and you never come out. Well, how do they kill themselves?

Starved death, hang themselves, pills, all kinds of ways. Starved a death. Yeah. Geez. Cause I think it's, it's quite a large area, if I'm not mistaken. That take like a month, wouldn't it? Uh, I don't know. Maybe it's just like where you park your car and then you go start a new life. Like it do over.

Right. This one sucked. Starting over. It's too hard to tell my wife, I wife, I want a divorce. I was going to go walk into this forest. One thing. So because because my health has kind of been shitty, I've had to start taking baths more, which as you know, that you hated those. I do. Oh, man. That's right. You're the, I'm the bad. I'm the bad. I bet. I bet. I like milk in the bath or anything like that. Any skin stuff.

Why the fuck would I put milk in a bath? No like that any skin stuff. I the fuck what I put milk in a bath It just seems like something that girls would do How hiding fill the bath water You have to do the fill right so I It's overflowing I actually like it pretty high. I guess But what I'm what I'm saying is the Japanese onsen. On likes and candles. No.

No one does that. Nobody. Nobody. Me and Sean do it. Together. No. We just call each other pictures. Look at this bath.

I just respect each other. Pictures of our left of our feet. My candle is, ugh. No. No. Oh, that, oh, okay, that's an oh. We have, Sean and I have private Instagrams that only each other has access. Yeah.

We're always taking pictures of our feet to show everybody to show where we are. Yeah. And this is like the typical like chick post like out of the ocean. Yeah. Just feed on the edge of a lounge chair. Sean sends pictures of his boots with a mixing console. Every day. Hard work.

It's the same one mixing and I'll be like at the Jack in the box drive through. I stick my feet off the window. Hey, John, getting a breakfast Jack pretty long over. Was you were here? Why do girls do that? Shawn's like golfing. I don't know. Sitting in a sand trap.

Huh? With his golf cleats with little tassels on them. Go that's cool, Shawn. Yeah, he's golf. He used to play a lot, but yeah. I have a friend on him. Oh yeah, he gets real fucking pissed when he golfs too. Yeah.

Have I told when we were in Palm Springs and I was golf, where I was watching you and your brother golf? I don't remember. You came to the night. They were nighttime golfing because their dad lived on a golf course. I don't really care. Oh, that was, yeah, that was that was drunken barefoot. Yeah, I know, but you know, we didn't play the whole in the dark. I opted not even to not even to participate because I wanted to see how pissed off they would get. It was just watching them like Sean. That's because we're fighting serious.

That's because we're fighting before. Yeah. We had fun on the golf course. Yeah. I guess if you call that fun, it was fun. It was like you were fucking pissed to me. But I don't understand golf. So maybe that's what it's about.

Well, yeah, getting pissed is part of it. I would love to see you get genuinely super pissed. What is it? What's it like? It's great. Yeah. Yeah It's like oh looking him over there like you like pulls pulls in the it's like a like a void Yeah, all the hatred of humanity and it's like all the creatures like going into them He just seeds. He doesn't, he flexes a little bit too, like his arms. Sean's very well built. He lets that intensity really take hold of him. Wow. Like the incredible Hulk. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. Well, short shorts. Yeah. Okay.

Short shorts. I don't know. I'll take a picture of it too. I'll take it out, okay. I'll put my feet next to popcorn. Sean, check it out. I'm popping some popcorn over here in a weird way. I'm a stove. So then what happened in Japan? Oh, sorry. God, what else do I do?

Yeah, I went to an onsen. What about Japan made you a rage? What do you think, what are you talking about the people about it for? Well, it's, it's, well now that I'm, because I was not intentionally all fucked because of this morphine, but it's, so it's a little more complicated now that I have to do this, but it, essentially, it's very hard to speak with, and it's no one's fault, but it's, it's difficult when you only speak so much Japanese, and the Japanese people you're with only

speak so much English, and you're both trying desperately to communicate, but it's so difficult because you're both speaking in toddler language. But you don't want to be disrespectful. Nah, you're gonna give that up. But you gotta talk down to them. Because you have to do their accent. That's what helps the key to communicating with people

if you don't know their language is to do the accent extra hard. It's fun to say that. It's to say it in American, but say it with the accent. It's super funny, you say that, because my Japanese teacher back in university told us, like the very first day,

and she was like, she's like, when you pronounce English words in Japanese, she's like, I'm dead serious, I want you to say it in what you perceive as being extremely racist. And all of the gender studies, you have to add a bell to the end, like an urge. I'll extremely racist.

Hold on, hold on, let me explain. All of the gender studies, let me start my camera on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, God, Zillus, you're... No, not like that. What she meant was using their phonetic system, just not using it in a way to mock them.

Any race you could do, extremely racist is the important part. It doesn't matter what race it is. No, what I mean is is when I was in Japan, I was trying to explain something to someone and I said air conditioner and he didn't know what I meant. He didn't condition the dude.

I'm dead serious. I said air conditioner and he was like, oh, sweet little soul. No, I'm serious. I'm not trying, like that's literally how you do it. That's my rose et astone. I'm serious too. I have a series of language learning tapes where it just teaches you how to use racist

accents while you're you but saying American words So it's like where where is the bathroom for learning my my Rose Edestone, but for like learning Spanish but for like learning Spanish. It's like, hey, you gotta get that down. Lesson one is the, hey, for learning Spanish. So before you say anything, you go, hey, where's the bathroom like that? And then you have to repeat along and you were wearing a little headset

because it's just as effective as learning the language. Just no monster. Money back, good too. So you got trouble communicating with them. Yeah, and it's exhausting. And then they were driving me to that Buddhist temple. And then he said, he's like in his accent, but in English, he said,

oh, it is two hours away. And I'm like, what the fuck? I don't want to be in your little van listening to Green Day for two hours going to some temple I barely want to go to, but I was like, okay, but then we got there in like 15, 20 minutes and I was so confused. And what he meant was we'll be there in 20 minutes, but for some reason he said two hours. And then I said some, I don't know.

It's because of the metric system. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know, I don't know. It's a shitty rage, but man, it is. That's what upset you about Japan, a guy said it would take long. No, no, no, no, no, it's a shitty rage, but man, it is. That's what upset you about Japan. A guy said it would take longer to drive for a temple. No, no, no, no, that's just one example,

but it's also, I'm constantly. This fucking Japanese, I know, this Japanese porn makes me rage, actually, because I know that there's better Japanese porn than this. Look, I didn't, hey, I... Peach. Are you looking at gift horse in the mouth? Gift porn in the mouth, yeah, kind of I guess that's sorry

Is that sorry not so respectful here like they are in Japan Thank you though. Yeah, that's right. You're welcome. That doesn't do anything for you Sean That's right. That's on my that's on our hidden Instagram too. I'll just take a picture of looking at porn In your feet just cranking one out. Show, check it out. You're just putting my feet up, wearing shoes, wearing flip flops. Oh, one of the other things I hate about Japan and this is gonna sound weird. So I lived there, I lived there for a year back in 2014

or whatever. And it was great, right? It was great. But what I started to get really self-conscious about myself because literally no one hits on you ever ever No one hits on you in Japan. No, I lived there for a whole year Don't just like don't just like grab your ass when you're all crammed into a fucking subway. Yeah Not not too mean because I'm you know, I'm a westerner and I'm I'm I'm considered fat over there

I'm like a I'm a size five. I'm a US size five and I'm considered quite large over there. And so at least that's really. Yeah, I like, I fit in no clothes. There's no clothes fit me. None. I have breasts. Of course. There are small people.

So none of the shirts, even if they do fit, don't look good on me. It looks good. I'm back to Diffur. I'm glad that so do they secretly? No, no. Well, that's another thing. If you were... Yeah, okay. Peach, you're telling me that the guys don't find you attractive

because you're bigger than... I'm not saying that, but they do not. They're so advanced, they don't like tits anymore, Sean. No, it's... That's how technically illogical they are. I wore this shirt and all I got were weird, like quick glairs and from everyone and then no one would talk to me. Like how?

Just like, just like, no, just like just like. Describe in what way? I don't know, in my face, I'm making different. It would be a quick glance at my cleavage and then like a look away and like everyone, men, women, old women, old men. What about just the men? The men do not give a fuck about my existence. I could be, I could, I didn't,

but I could walk around wearing like the sluddiest swimsuit ever in the old- Like what kind of swimsuit? Like one of those ones that's just straight from the shoulders down to the crack area. Yeah, sure, a big ol' V. I just wanna know in your mind what's the sluddiest swimsuit you could wear.

I mean, I guess. That's pretty slutty. Yeah, like a Borat on thety. Yeah, like a blur at. Yeah, just covers the nips, you know, whatever. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. How big would those coverings be?

Shut up. No, look, it doesn't matter. You don't get enough. And I started, I was like, oh my god, I must have morphed into some kind of ugly creature. And then the second I had Chicago unstable chicks are. Oh, fuck. Like one week, one week of not getting attention and they think they're monsters.

You're permanent in that country. Oh, they're f**king hell out of it. They're having a big, one year. No, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I don't deserve anything. It won't hear. I'm jumping off that. That's where those phone boots are there.

No. It should just have a little Japanese man giving compliments. No. Let's solve everybody's problem. Oh, are you a beautiful? Fuck off. So, oh, stop it. Yeah. I saw everybody's, Oh, are you beautiful? Fuck off. So, oh, stop it.

So, I am. So, I, I, I hit Chicago and like I'm just, I, I, I land and I, I'm just walking down the street. And then I got like five honks in like a two minute span and I almost started crying. I was so happy. I was so, I was like, I still got it, yeah. It's weirdly depressing.

It's weird, because I- You're telling me we got to date you guys. Maintain these fucking egos. Oh, you're telling me. You're telling me. You're telling me if you went a year with no one complimenting you at all, that you'd be like, oh, look at me, I'm dead master. What do you mean no one complimenting you at all that you'd be like,

oh look at me, I'm dead master. What do you mean no one complimenting me at all? Like, like, like, like, no, you're not head on. I've got people telling me that my, asking like if a smurf could fit on my forehead because I'm going so bald, this is three apples high. Trying to measure it out. I wonder if a smurf could fit on Dick's forehead.

Well, it's our three apples high and his forehead looks about three apples high and they get up old. They get old pictures out and do like a teleillus like John Madden teleillus raises to see how much uglier I've gotten. Look, I don't think I don't think anyone of average attractiveness who's used an average amount of attention could go one year without without it like any and then still think that they've like that. You have no idea what it's like being a man. That's true. If being complimented plays into your, no, it's not what you talking about.

I mean, no, no, looks, no, no, nothing like no one, no one talks to you, no one talks to you. Yeah. You have no idea what it's like being a man. We could drop dead and no one would even notice. They would say, get out of the street, bum. Other men would say, get out of the street, bum. Is this my femme privilege? Oh yeah.

Oh shit. No one has ever talked to us ever. That's why we turn into such morons. If a girl ever were to approach us, we would just think it's like a guy playing a trick on us somehow. Like, what's the fuck is your, what are you hooker? You're trying to get money from me? Why don't you talk to me?

Do men really believe that? Like if women come up to you? It's not a trick. Because it never happens. It has never happened. Every guy listening to this show, they could go, if we didn't go out of our way to talk to women or even other men We would never it would be like we never existed. I've done we would just evaporate. I always think everything is a put on

Yeah, everything Wait a minute It's going on that that seemed why are you saying nice things? And Sean's very attractive. How many times has a woman come up to you and talk to you this, this week, let's just go this week, this week. How many times has a woman come up, approach to you and just something random woman? Yeah. None. None. How about a month? When's the lot like, do you remember the last time and just said, actually, I do. Okay. I actually do.

When was it? Who was president? Oh my God. Trump. Have I gotten embarrassed myself? You haven't embarrassed yourself. I think it's just interesting that the very different lives men and women lead when it comes to people acknowledging your existence It it gets extremely lonely because it's not only do you not know the language? No, no, no, it's not well

Here you go. Yeah, I'm not even gonna what because you're just because I'm gonna go because I'm I'm So it's you you can't speak the language, but also no one looks at you, no one even tries to talk to you. And you're just, you're walking through like a ghost and you can barely understand the words they're saying. Yeah, see, I'm, you're just, that's guys. That's what being a man is like.

Well, yeah. Maybe if we sent all the women to study abroad in Japan, maybe they would understand us a little bit more, If we sent all the women to study abroad in Japan, maybe they would understand us a little bit more, that it's like being a fucking ghost. Every, you go up to a random man on the street and say, hey, how's it going? He's gonna go, what the fuck? That's how I got my boyfriend.

That, no. There you go. We can't do that. Walk up. I know. Hey, how's it going? She'll go, get the fuck away from me. What do you want? Cause we We can't do that. Walk up. If I- I know. Hey, how's it going? She'll go get the fuck away from me.

What do you want? Cause we'll come up and up. Non-sensual come out of our mouths. Cause we're not used to talking to anybody. Well, that's not our fault. It is. Everything's your fault. When was the last time a girl talked to you?

Uh, it was at the Hollywood Bowl. Okay. Then what happened? Uh, who are you there to see? Uh, I think it was. It was at the Hollywood Bowl. Okay. Then what happened? Who are you there to see? I think it was Chekkovsky. Oh boy. The LA Phil. Yeah.

Yeah. Real fancy pants. And I went down. Were you with Mr. Fancy Pants? No. Okay. No. And I went down to get popcorn at the intermission.

And this girl came up behind me and she was like, it took forever to walk down here from the top section. And then it's like, well, I guess I deserve this popcorn or something like that. That was like that. Just because I turned around to see who got behind me. That was the last time a random woman came up to me. Was she directing it at you? Yeah. Oh, well, she looked both of the kids situation like, she was hot. Oh, did you get her number? No, just for fun.

No, just for fun. There's nothing wrong with getting numbers. So it's for fun. Then you call them up just for fun. Crank call. You know, see you've set up a date. Just for fun. You want, you're not going gonna show up and just show up.

You know, what's wrong with having? Date him for three years, moving. Just for fun. Just for fun. Lapse. And that's Sean that that happened to. Yeah, he's a good looking guy. He doesn't happen to the rest of us.

Wait, so I've done it. For monsters. I've done it. Sean's had it happen to him. I think there's a little hole in your argument. No, there's no hole. There's no hole in my argument. You guys are out outliers. All right, let me see. I got, I got low tax. I got some, some presence. Yeah. Open. That was Japan, huh? Is it worth going to? Yes, absolutely. Again, love hate relationship,

but it is 10,000% worth. How do you hit on chicks there? If not, are guys not hitting on women there? Can you go in and clean up? Not like we do, I think. You can do quite well because they are not really jelling. Like, the birth rate is so low. It's so incredible.

I read an article about that where, and a lot of the men blame, the men blame it on like the culture, the women's culture over there. Where they're culture. Well, they're saying, I know. Maybe it's people with no game whatsoever, but it's just like they don't, none of this going on. No, they're not interested romantically like in men.

That's code for all. I know, it's blow jobs. I guess. They're not interested in each other. They keep, I mean, there's, there's multitude of, you can watch so many documentaries on it. The, the host culture, there's the anime, host and hostesses. No, actually, it's, it's kind anime. Hosts and hostesses?

No, actually, it's kind of like Hooters sort of. You go to a club and you purchase time. It's like modern gaysha. You purchase time with a host or hostess, male or female, and you purchase time with them, and they drink and they laugh and they flirt with you, and that's it. No sex.

In fact, it is... But you could talk them into having. No sex. In fact, it is- But you could talk them into having sex. No, in fact, it is absolutely highly discouraged to keep her having sex with them because you wanna keep that relationship going. You wanna keep that- I am. Because otherwise then the money stops.

Hmm. Because then you get in the milk for free. I mean, that's what I understand. I mean, I'm not an expert. I don't know. This is just what I understand. I mean, I'm not an expert. I don't know. This is just what I understand. How do men and women of the same culture like grow so far apart

to where they're not even interested in each other? That's completely bizarre. It seems like it flies in the face of millions of years of evolution. It's like, yeah, you're supposed to fuck. That's video games. That's why. That's why. Arguing's why are doing online.

Are you doing online is so much it's so much more rewarding than having sex. Sometimes. Yeah, they just spend all day arguing online. God. All right, let me see. I got a song. I got a song. I got an erotic story. I got a shitload of comments here, and low taxes on the line. Let me see if I'm gonna play this song first to kind of chill out. Okay.

If you don't mind, Sean. By the way, bonus episode is up 16. Somebody said that they missed the last two. So if you did, if you didn't know that we're all the way up to 16, go to the patreon.com slash the dick so to check it out. Um, we talked about Playboy on this last one and cosplay, obviously. Okay, this one is Kendall and Hyde. Kendall and Hyde is, it's a Denzel song called Keeping It Too Thie. Oh God.

God. Keeping it real. Keep called Keeping It Too Thie. Oh God, God. Keeping it real. Keep it real, toothy. Kendall and Hyde, this guy's really fucking funny. Oh. Is that anything? Your boy, Denzel. Do you listen to a lot of rap music?

I could see getting into it for 30 seconds. A little bit, that's all I need. I mean, keep it normal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Two people jobs. Two Yeah. Too-people jobs. Too-people jobs. Too-people jobs.

I shoot my shot. Too-people jobs. Too-people jobs. Too-people jobs. This low job is crazy. Too-people jobs. Too-people jobs. Too-people jobs.

Whoever shows up. Too-people jobs. Too-people jobs. Like it. It up. Two people jobs, two people jobs. Like, it's gonna pay for the two people jobs. No, no, but listen, I think they get the point. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. The last two weeks have been pretty good for your boy. I mean, my penis, it started out with two people jobs.

This gorgeous six foot one blonde woman that I met at a rural-wrested skating rink managed to talk me into two people jobs. I had on the bell bottoms and like, I played a nice silk shirt. It was Valentine's Day. Okay, okay, okay. A lot of the night, you're talking a lot

about two people jobs. It's just normal conversation, right? And you just, I mean, that's got to be like a significant part of your dating life. Yes, it is. It's surprising. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Check it out.

You can check it out on the side. That's great. Four minutes long. It's great. Let me see if low tax is here. I got madcooks, news, too. Did you know it's a one year? This episode is one year since the day before.

That's a take lies video? Really? Yeah Maybe it was. Take lies. Video? Really? Yeah. It was a year ago. Boy, you know, it seems a lot longer ago to me. It does. Yeah. It does seem a lot happened.

Yeah. That's the secret to a long life, just, goss. An unending amount of God. People say it's bad for your health, but it stretches out time. I guess it does. Seems like a whole lifetime has happened.

Wow. Since then. All right, let me see if low tax is here. Hey, low tax, are you there? He says he's talking, but it's not working. You have to move air past the vocal cords. Sean, you're such a dick. It's a trick.

He's like debarked. He's debarked. God, man, when I, when the debarking, have you ever heard somebody say how cruel it is to debark a dog? Yeah, yeah. Every time I hear that, I want a karate chop them in the throat.

In the larynx. Like, you know what's cool? Is like, is you? The things. They take out the bark thing so they can't make that noise. Are they're vocal cords? Yeah. Well, it's a different kind. It's the one that makes that, what do you mean vocal cords?

They don't talk. They only use it to make that sound. You know what I mean? The thing that makes the sound. Yeah, the bark thing. Yeah, because it's the most annoying sound in the world is other people's dogs barking. Yeah, and they, and they bark. Why is that cruel? Somebody just they bark. Why is that cool?

Somebody just said it. Why is it cool? That's it. I got a chopper. I said I was gonna do it. I got a chopper right in the throat. Go into the hospital. Yeah, go back to the hospital.

Somebody start the car. You're getting frequent flyer miles of the hospital today. Peach. What? It's other people's dogs barking. So, would you want that to happen to your precious dog? Yes. If I was, if I was such an irresponsible pain in the ass that I were to let my dog bark and pretend

that it's not just an assault on everybody around me, then I would want much worse to happen to me. I want my whole house burned down because my dog won't check the fuck up. That's like decline in cat. That's wrong. It's terrible. Why's like decline a cat. That's wrong, it's terrible. Why? Because it hurts them.

You're making a dog. You're making a dog undergo a necessary surgery, so you don't have to hear it. Why not do that to children? The dog is an idea. Yeah, it's great idea. Let's start there. Tushae.

Then they won't spend an hour on their hair and nails every day. I know where they all been declawed. You should be grateful. Pige, what? The dog exists in prison for our amusement. What do you mean it's cruel to debark them? They live in inhumane conditions that I would want to kill myself in.

Well, they're in a yard all day. Their own bodies are inhumane from all this freedom. We treat them like gods. We treat them like toys. Dogs. Like it's a depends on them. That's not the state of a dog. Bread so much that their body parts don't even fit together. Made to run around in a house and trained to and it's at the end time passes slowly for them. So they're sitting for us. So they're waiting for us. Your dog is at home waiting for you, waiting eight human hours for you to go to work and come back. It's like a day and a half

for them. Yeah. Because their brain process is time faster. So sitting in a fucking car for them is like sitting on a tarmac for nine hours and the debarking part is the cruel part. Their entire life is torture. There's it's dogs are so bad that they've got to be run to exhaustion just to be tolerable. And we still don't do it. We still just let them build up. And then you got people who won't neuter their dogs for some fucking reason. Leave them with balls their whole life that they can't use. Oh, that's real fucking nice.

You can give them fake balls. You know about those, right? How about neutering? Is that cruel? Chop their nuts off? No. Is that worse than debarking? Well, I think debarking, like,

it's a defense mechanism. Like, what if they need to defend themselves from a spooky ghost? I don't know. For making noises? I don't know. Yeah, woof woof. There's like predators and shit.

It's not shooting in a robber. There's a way predators and shit. It's not shooting in and out. It's a rubber. Do you think you're going to scare away a robber? What do you mean? Shooting in and out and barking are the same thing. Sort of. No, because the barking doesn't do shit.

You want to scare away a robber? Put a big sign on the, put a picture, put a gif on your door of a dog biting someone in their balls. Don't give me that gif. There you go. Fuck with me. Don't look at me like this. Would you not debark a dog biting someone in their balls. Don't give me that. There you go. It's a gif. Fuck with me. Don't look at me like that.

Would you not debark a dog? No, I would never. Would you frame the dog? This is, no, this is, okay. You put in, you put in money when you get a dog. And if anybody is ever upset at the barking, they get the money. It's like free parking, free parking, a monopoly. Firstly, I would get a dog that doesn't yap so much. And then I would try and not to, they get the money. It's like free parking, free parking, a monopoly. Firstly, I would get a dog that doesn't yap so much

and then I would try and not to... They all yeah. No, they don't. They don't start with, don't start deluding yourself already. I've had dogs. I've had dogs. Did they bark? Occasionally, I had a chisoo that was dead quiet.

What about when you weren't there? No complaints. How can you know? Because someone would complain. Look, it's not cruel to debark a dog. They don't need to be barking. They don't need to be barking anymore than they need their nuts. That's a debark you. No. What about you? Is it cruel? De-barking a dog? Is it cool? The barking dog? I don't know what goes into it. I don't know how, like, what it, I don't know what it takes to take that out.

What the recovery time is, what, how much it hurts, I don't know. It drives me crazy. Because they never stop. If someone has a barking dog, it will never stop barking. And you can't do, like, the, you can, yeah, you can get a loaf of bread

and soak it in any freeze and throw it over the fence But then what problem solved yeah, I mean, you know Always it always an easy solution. That was a little too detailed always That's how you do it If you don't want to debark your dog there's a there's a better I've got a better solution I'll tell do you lie side to life your dog Do you like it? It's stopping one way or another. I want to talk to low tags. I do too, but he's not oh there is I think he's back

Yeah, low tags you there. I think so. Hey there you are. How you doing man? Oh? I'm doing good. Why don't you get the hamburger comment out of the way right now? No, you just got a you got a you just got a big fan in the studio today. Sorry. Peach Saliva is a huge fan of yours. She's gonna start geeking out. She said she was gonna cry. She's such a big fan of you.

Why didn't say that? Oh my God. A lot of people cry when they speak to me. So that's understandable. Yeah, so low techs got banned from Twitter forever. What happened, I still don't understand. What happened here? Okay, here's the thing.

There's this guy named baked Alaska, you might be familiar with him, because he's got this thing with his brain where whatever he does is stupid. And it's not just like regular stupid, it's like amazingly unnecessarily stupid. Like what? And like, macing himself,

like hitting on a 13 year old girl, like getting kicked out of Walmart because he was filming girls with his cell phone. What? Oh, is that real? Yeah, it just to have, it apparently happened this week. I had to be informed by my friend Jonathan because, you know, I don't have a Twitter account. Oh my God, was he doing it satirically?

Because I've heard you could get away with a lot of stuff. You just say I was just kidding. I have two hours. Oh, Hitler's rules. Just kidding. Yes. It's sarcastic, ironic. I have these jeers on the top of my shoes as a joke.

That's right, yes, go in the wrong tail. I get that tire. From what I've heard, he's been holding his camera up so it would be like looking at him like a selfie, but it would really be aimed at the girls behind them. And one of them complies with the securities in Walmart. That's not even clever. No. Well, no, that's the thing.

He does a lot of things, and they're like the antithesis of clever. But he somehow thinks that it's a victory that, hey, a woman complained to the security guard at Walmart about me and it got kicked out. I won. Man, if you're getting kicked out and liquor's not Walmart about me and it got kicked out. I won. Man, if you're getting kicked out and liquor is not involved, I think it's on you. Kicked out a Walmart.

You know, you kill a man. What do you got to do? Kicked out a Walmart. I only know baked Alaska because he was on a, he was one of the face cards of a deck of right wing playing cards that coach got me for Christmas. It was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. these hilarious, and I'm not going to say the MEME word.

I'm going to say image macro. He posts these wonderful images. Yeah, that's it. Let's call them IMs for sure, to make it less confusing. Yeah, that will be less confusing. He's sending an IM. Yeah. It's this, he posted this hilarious image of him operating a gas chamber with some right wing girl inside the gas chamber

who was obviously the impending victim of the gas that he was releasing. And then he like a few months later, just started saying, oh, yeah, I'm going to marry her. And everybody's like, okay. And then he goes, haha, just kidding, I manipulated the media. And everybody just kidding, I manipulated the media. And everyone just said, okay. So he's like jokes on them, I was pretending to be stupid kind of guy.

I don't know. Like I said, he's this really, really weird version of stupid. Well, what did you do to him that got you banned for life? Cause you're like, Okay, you're the, Here's the thing. Yeah, he's banned for life from Twitter. Yeah, here're the, here's the thing. Ban for life? Yeah, he's banned for life from Twitter. Yeah, here's the thing about Twitter.

They like Nazis. Nazis like Nazis. They like Nazis. Okay. I mean, even though what's their CEO, Jack Dorsey, even though he said, you know, I hate with a passion Donald Trump, he really loves the white nationalists.

They're very popular and they can get away with a lot of stuff on Twitter. And so I, you know, this is how I use Twitter, basically. Whenever my brain takes a shit, instead of saying it to my wife who will just stare at me, I just do it on Twitter. So say, persons of other people can say that I'm an idiot as opposed to my wife. And the person who loves you and shares a space with you doesn't have to hear this shit. Right?

Exactly. I'm doing her a favor by having her Twitter account. 100% agreeing her. My life, my buddy has a Twitter account and all he does is post political like links all day. I think it's the same reason. That sounds like fun. Politics are fun.

And so anyways, I've been poking fun of bakedaked Alaska, just for the many, many, many, many, many stupid things that he does for God knows whatever reason. And I just made this tweet, it was just like a throwaway tweet that said, somebody should put Baked Alaska in that prison-planet guy in a room and fill it full concrete. Because I just, you know, it's just like a throwaway joke and then Twitter, somebody reported that and Twitter said it was a threat of physical violence and I was suspended. I against another man, Sean. We got to fill a room with concrete. I don't want to be all bill guy, the science dude here, but if to fill a room with concrete.

I don't want to be all bill guy, the science dude here, but if you filled a room with concrete, it would take like a thousand years to harden. So there's a little flaw in your threat of violence that it's not possible to kill someone like that. Here's the weird thing. There's also this guy on Twitter who talks about nuking like 8 million North Koreans.

But he doesn't get suspended. Yeah, we just want to talk about that. But if you talk about putting a white supremacist in concrete, who boy? Did they even answer you? Like when Twitter, it's just that you're gone. You're gone for telling a guy that you hope he gets stuck in a room of concrete. And they said you're a cow is then suspended due to the threat of physical violence. And then you can maybe a piece of ice.

Yeah, if anybody's got a room of concrete lying around. Yeah, you see how you see how men are giving people bad. How are they? Like this guy's been on this guy's been on the internet for what, what, 20 years? It's just such a lame thing to get. So lame. What, a band for life from? And like all the work that you put into his Twitter's,

I'll just go on. Oh, so stupid. Was that your only infraction as well? Yep, that was the only thing. I've never been warned about anything. I've never had any other incidents. And this guy baked Alaska doesn't say like, oh, um, it's bullshit. They should give him his account back because I'm no, he has been telling people that I

have been, uh, sending him death threats over, uh, DMs or PMs or I am. Well, he's after being on the internet for 20 years, he finally got so pissed off that he's sending death threats to some jackass getting kicked out of a Walmart for taking pictures of little girls. Hey, you know how I said I'm going to pour concrete on you. I'm going to put sand on you too. I know like that, baby. Sending him like old Mr. T cartoons where they were stuck in quick sand as a list of

substances that I'm going to pour on him until he dies. You like loving aid, I don't like it when you're drowning. Oh man, that sucks. He makes himself. I'm dealing with a guy who maced himself. He sprayed bare mace in his eyes. Oh bare mace. Well, I mean, my, my, the guy I was just talking about just did that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I guess that's the cool thing to do then. Yeah. You're not right wing unless you bear mace yourself. Yeah. What, why did he, why did he bear mace himself? Well, no, no, this, he wanted to make it seem like he was being maced by the antifa or a nefa or a new guy. So he tried to make it look like antifa did it or whatever. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

And he can't even accept that. He's trying to accept that they have a picture of him macing himself. So it's the reason he was using anti-mace. Did you guys ever, did you liberal quizzlings ever think about that? That maybe you know maybe you was using concrete. Oh God. I got a concrete. He's got to carry around an anti-concrete spray with it from now. Yeah, he's going to come over to my house and he's going to put concrete on his eyes. And he said, blowdacks put concrete on me.

The prophecy has been fulfilled. You know, he got kicked off, he got kicked off Twitter. Basically, the only parallel I can draw in my mind is that like if a man flips off a woman, he's charged with sexual assault. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it's real? No, it's like that, no, that's how stupid it is.

That's worse. That's worse. It's like, oh, this is like sending it, it's like sending it to me. I'm trying to turn it off. I'm not a man. That's saying fuck oh, this is like sending it, it's like sending it to me. I'm turning it up. But she said that's saying fuck you. That's a threat of violence.

Like what do you, go ahead. Yeah, and the whole thing is that, you know, you would think that at worst, they would just give you a warning or just say, hey, you know, when it comes to pouring home depot substances on white supremacists, you should probably not talk about it. Well, this is why Trump didn't disavow them because he knew it would get his Twitter account banned. Yeah. Yeah. We have to pour concrete on both sides.

Oh, your band finally, you're out. Yeah. What are you gonna do? For you Twitter doesn't sound stupid. And they just put concrete everywhere. So I guess frog Twitter doesn't sound so stupid now, huh? Are you gonna open up shop over there? They're gone. No, they're not. Gab is still there. Yeah, they got kicked off their hosting service, which was in, I thought it was like about

a week ago or so. No, that was said that they were looking for a new one. I think that was just a threat. I used them like yesterday or two days ago. Oh, no, I'm not going there. They're not going there. No, yeah, the only way that's not enough yet. You will be.

We'll all be there for our Twitter. I don't think I've seen anybody ever send me a link to gab. No. I mean, what's your name? It's going to be just like a top five traits of Hitler. Top five things you didn't know. Yeah. He's a vegetarian.

He's still alive living in Argentina, a bee, my hero. What's your new Twitter handle then? It's just Richard underscore Kayanka. And then just a piss my hero. What's your new Twitter handle then? It's just Richard underscore Kayaanca. And then just a piss off Twitter. Yeah, they would never verify me. Yeah, it was low tax. I thought that was hilarious. That you've got these people who have like 200 followers because they wrote in all of those something in the mic on mic.com. Oh, we got to verify them. Yeah, they have a medium piece about princess peaches boobs and what she does in the mushroom kingdom.

Yeah, yeah, automatically verified, but then me they're just like, eh, you don't really, you haven't done anything on the internet, so. You see how fucking stupid it is? You can't talk about pouring concrete on someone because you disagree with them. That's ridiculous. That's fucking, it's this new, it's this new man shit, Sean. You got the NFL

holding hands every Sunday. What kind of message does that send a kid? Little boys growing up. You can't tell someone you want to pour concrete on them. I bet you can't go through a list of things that Wiley Coyote has done. You can't, that's a death threat. That's that's harm. That's verifiable threat of harm. I'm going to hate. I'm going, you wouldn't believe the studio standards are bad. I'll do this.

I'm going to paint a door on a giant boulder that's his gas chamber. And then I'm going to invite Baked Alaska to enter the gas chamber. Uh huh. It's going to walk straight into the rock. Straight into the rock. That's his gas chamber. And then I'm going to invite Baked Alaska to enter the gas chamber. Uh-huh. It's going to walk straight into the rock. Straight into the rock. That's it. You can't make that kind of threat. No.

Sean. Oh, he's going to build, uh, low taxes is going to build a piano and put some Wagner sheet music out. I know. And roll it by Baked Alaska's house. So he comes out and he, of course, he's white supremacy can't resist playing Wagner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, right of the Valkyries, but that one, that last note is going to make the piano explode. Right. That's violent. Yep. I do that. That's too much effort. I mean, I was just talking about poor and concrete.

I mean, I even work out the specifics. Like, is there a hole in the ceiling? Is it, you know, coming in from the sides? How are you going to get them to stay in place? How are you going to get them to stay in place for the whole thing? Yeah. And it has for kneeling in the NFL. I'm all for that because I think that they should take it one step forward and we're one step further. And instead of just kneeling, they should just lie down face first. They should, the more they get booed, the deeper they should go. What are you saying?

Yeah, put lie down face first and then put their hands behind their backs. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Well, they're going to lie down. All of them are going to lie down so they form the words cop sock. You can see from above from the blimp. Yeah. We actually just did my murder of the internet podcast, we just did an episode just solely dedicated to the NFL and protesting and how we need to grow three pairs of knees so we can protest even harder. Oh, that's a good idea.

They need like stills like portal. Well, it doesn't make any sense because, you know, when you're in church, you're kneeling, you're not protesting God. So I know it doesn't make any sense to me either. I mean, but you propose when you're proposing to a woman, you drop to your knee, right? Yeah, I give up. Yeah. And I hate cops. I want to be with you forever. And I also hate the police. I love you. Come on, but not the police. Yeah. I love you and I hate cops. You win. I want to be with you forever. And I also hate the police. I love you. Kama, but not the police. Yeah. I love you and Black Lives Matter. We both, that's what this ring represents.

Exactly. And if the XFL was still here, I'm sure they'd all be on their knees too. Hmm. Not the USFL though. What? No, I'm talking about Vince McMahon's genius. I'm talking about Trump's league. Did you know about the hate me? Yeah. I remember he hate me at the end of every game. The winning team got the Trump steak. They got a big box of them. Is all right. Yeah. Yeah. You got a T-bone. Got the flank steak. You got the New York strip for the winning team. So what's your merger of the internet podcast about? What was the last episode about besides NFL guys? Nealing.

It was all about kneeling. I can't remember this specifics, but yeah, it was just about protesting things. Then we actually did a serious one where I just talked about how stupid the whole Nazi right wing white supremacist stuff is. It was weird because we did an entire podcast seriously. I mean, because it's just, I don't know, the amplification of how people used to be ironic racist and then they get together on their ironic racist forms. of how people used to be ironic racists, and then they get together on their ironic racists forms,

and then soon magically a wizard puts a curse on them and they just get really racist. You know, I was on the official podcast last week, and I said the same thing, like I would go to poll because I thought it was funny. And then after a while, I was looking at some of the IMs and thinking, am I, do I think this is funny because it was funny. And then after a while, I was looking at some of the IMs and thinking, am I, do I think this is funny because it's funny or is this turning me into a racist?

Like why? I need to stop doing this. It's about one of this. I mean, the people there, they all blend in post the same kind of humor, but then they have to one up each other. And then soon it's going from making Hitler jokes, which I'm perfectly fine with, to, let's kill black people. I mean, that's kind of a...

Drawing gas chamber doors on rocks. Yeah. Yes. So cool. Let me tell you about the single concrete. Yeah. You should put them in dip, send them like some Roger Rabbit stills, in the movie. That's kind of like... that's kind of like,

that's kind of like why I stopped writing men and women's sight. Like I noticed that they were getting, they weren't silly and stupid anymore. Like they were getting real, they were getting way too serious. And he's like, oh man, I got it. It was after Dr. Phil when I just got so,

I would get so pissed off, and it was not fun. It was not zany anymore. Yeah. Like, I couldn't point to it and say that's obviously a, it's obviously satire. I think that happens a lot. I know people point to Andrew Dice Clay as an example of that. Yeah. Where like he was just doing that character and slowly but surely he became that character.

He is that guy. Yeah. But he wasn't always. Yeah. Well, the thing about the internet is that the internet, the currency is outrage. Yeah. I mean, that's how you show that you care about something is by getting unnaturally pissed off more than everybody else because, you know, the more you get pissed off about something, the more obviously you care about it.

Yeah. What is that saying is next to godliness? That's what it is on the internet. Just out, bitching on the internet is next to godliness. Yes. Next to godliness. Yeah, everybody knows all the answers on the internet, except you. And that's the currency of newspapers too.

It's not facts and it's not facts. Like they have none. They have no facts to deal in because you've got, you get it straight from the Twitter and you get it either straight from the E.E. wire or Reuters or the guy who says what he wants to say is on Twitter all day saying what he wants to say. So the news is just there to like tell you how you're supposed to turn that into this fake outrage personality that you need to go online and virtue signal with on either side.

Yeah, I could not stand that when I go to read a news article and it's just this is what people on Twitter think and you know, I'm thinking if I want to see what people on Twitter thought, you know, I wasn't idea. I go to Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, I can't do that now. You can't do that anymore.

Well, that sucks, man. No, I'm under Richard underscore kayanka. And then I sent her requests to be verified to Twitter to see what they would do. So you got murder. And you got murder. They banned me again. Murder the internet, which comes out when every what? Yeah.

Like your Tuesday. Tuesday. Every Tuesday and Thursday. See you next Tuesday or maybe Thursday. That works. Yeah, it's the CUNTH network. Oh, oh, oh, oh, when I forgot to tell you, when I did get banned, I got a,

and then I registered a new account. I got a tweet from, shit, what is that? A pot awful. Oh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like like half a year ago, I called him a toilet person. And apparently he's been holding on to that anger for so long. That's great. That's great. What kind of league just came out? That's a threat.

If you call someone a toilet person, that's a race that we don't know about. It's a racial slur. That is true. That's just concrete is. All right, man. What makes you rage? I mean, I guess if you didn't cover it already.

I'm going to go with a concrete thing. Okay. I think that's a pretty stupid, that's a good one. Permanent ban reason, but I don't know. Maybe the future wars of America will be fought in concrete factories for all I know. If you'd dropped in concrete and I'm gonna be there. The only reason I know that is because my dad's dad was a damn worker. And when I was a kid, my dad would always tell these stories about like we'd go to a damn and like Powell, forget what's called, this is a Powell damn. It's the gigantic electrical power system that comes from the Colorado River, that comes from the Grand Canyon.

And my dad's dad worked on that and he would always tell me these stories when I was a kid of, oh, you know, there's like eight guys buried alive in that dam, like just freaked me out. And then when I, and they're all Jimmy Hoffa. Yeah. And then when I turned whatever the age that is where you want to just stump your fucking dad on everything he says, I found out that, that didn't work like that because cement can't

get hard like that in that like size. So I waited for him to say it to like I waited years for him to bring that up that again. I just know this like eight guys buried in there. Yeah. And I put on my fucking wig. I went to the car, opened up like Iron Man. I had that a little briefcase with my man's bleeding outfit. No, you motherfucker.

I hope you're really in there soaking up all the, soaking up all the tittling emotions that you've just made and people is I'm gonna come in there and wreck your whole fucking world dead. I extended my can and stepped in. I hate that. No, concrete, can't cure. You know, if concrete was poured all at once in that size,

it would be about a zillion degrees by the time it hardened and it would take 10,000 years. Concrete can't melt steel beams. Concrete can. I was going to say that. I swear to God. That's the only reason I know. Thank you, Peach.

I only know the fact that a fight. All right, man. Good luck with your Twitter reboot. Hi, I love that. I love that. To make sure not to name any products that are available at lows or Home Depot. Oh, boy. Do you want to be? Do you want to say anything to love that? I love you low text. And I'm really sorry this happened. I think you're great. And I loved following you. And I am going to love following you again, because I just refollowed you, because I think you're great. Thank you. I followed you too and I appreciate somebody not calling me a complete shit. So that's very nice.

Not a complete one. Does it is it to turn on that he's so aggressive and violent online for you? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like the movie The Equalizer with Denzel Washington where he killed 50 people in the home people.

It's cement. Like Jackie Chan. or a Denzel Washington where he killed 50 people in the home depot. It's cement. Like Jackie Chan. Dad, did you see that? The reboot of the equalizer? No. It, it, it, it, Denzel Washington literally kills half a human population with traps in a home depot. Uh, I didn't see it.

No, I didn't see it. It's good. All right, take it easy. Bye. Thank you. You it. It's good. All right, take it easy. Bye. Thank you. You too. Bye-bye. Oh, that sucks.

What a bullshit. What a bullshit reason to get. That's what men are now. Don't anybody think that's... You can't raise your voice. You can't call someone a name. Oh, yeah. There's such soft skin, vindictive little pussies now.

Like you... Sending... I don't get it. Sending me your death threats, dude. Like there's such, there's such soft skin, vindictive little pussies now. Like you, sending, I don't get it. Sending me with death threats, dude, it's, it's a concrete. That's not even a threat. It's like, no, like an eight year old threat. If you're, if you're 18, no, it's, he said they should be blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That doesn't, he didn't say I'm gonna like, you could maybe make a case and you're skewed, warped pussy logic that like, it's like, oh, like he's just saying that somebody, it would be nice if that happened to him.

And he's not. What I'm saying is violent, the dogs and the antifreeze thing, that's bad. Samantha. Is that easy to do? Right? But yeah, concrete. Stupid. If you're 18 and a man, right? But yeah, concrete stupid.

If you're 18 and a man, you should be able to say whatever you want to any other man who's over 18, period about him focused on him only, but it's anything should anything should be fair game anything Absolutely anything What could what could he possibly say? That what what could a guy possibly say to you that he shouldn't be able to say give me a fucking I'm gonna come to your house tonight. I'm gonna kick that. I'm gonna break in your house and kick the shit out of you Good. That's why I have all these guns and like that's my fucking dream dude. To bring it on. What's fucking go? Here I'll send you a map quest you bitch. Like what the

fuck is the what is the problem with any of it? What's funny is like that's totally been done and like I don't I never heard any follow up like people have like gotten into fights you know like set up fights on Twitter like I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do oh yeah okay meet me here meet me here like that totally happens. Meet me here or down. Yeah. into fights, you know, like set up fights on Twitter, like I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do, oh yeah, okay, meet me here, meet me here, like that totally happens. Meet me here, or down. Where you look like a huge pussy. They probably still have Twitter accounts.

Such a joke. So stupid. All right, let's, I have a good neurotic story here. Oh. The dick show presents. Subsetting. Ebrotic stories from real men. Not even that upsetting, it just sucks.

Yeah, yeah, it just makes you shake your head. You just go, oh God, what the fuck is happening? And it just sucks. It does. That's where it doesn't get, like things don't get more unequal or less inequality. Everything just sucks more. It sucks more.

It's a new way and a less entertaining way. Okay, this is from the organic gas farmer. I'm trying to bring it back to basics here. Talk about something interesting. Like organic gas farmer is a Rodic story. Hey, Dick, I got a neurotic story for you. This was in the early 2000s. And W was president, flip phones were the shit.

I lived in the suburbs of a suburbs of a Southern California town, not far from a state university notorious for its parties and loose women. I wonder what state that was. Well, you said California, right? So, uh, Cal State LA, Cal State, North Korea. Notorious for its what, for its parties and loose women. Cal State, so Cal. Cal State, I'm guessing, I'm guessing San Diego State.

Oh, 100%. Yeah. 100% a lot of loose women there. A lot of loose women. That's where Denzele's. Lot of loose women is sharpening up the teeth down there. Yeah. I would work, I had worked,

it was the start of junior year of high school and life was good. I had worked all summer and bought myself an old beat up Jeep. It was a piece of shit, but it was my piece of shit. I was the first one in my group of friends to have a car and it gave us all the freedom we needed to search for and why for parties. One week, these guys hopping around in a Jeep, W's president, just a bunch of dudes in a Jeep, hopping out, high- a bunch of dudes in a Jeep, hopping out, high-fiving, slapping ass,

wearing visors probably. Yeah. American apparel, right? Well, if it was in American Eagle, excuse me. If it was in San Diego, there were definitely some visors. Some raised up trucks and visors. One weekend, I get a call from a friend who had just started at the university nearby, hey, he said,

you guys wanna come to a frat party this weekend? We had heard rumors about the wild parties at the university nearby. Hey, he said, you guys want to come to a frat party this weekend? We had heard rumors about the wild parties at the university. And we were giddy with anticipation at the prospect of banging some college chicks. Only time in your life, we're going for an older girl. The fateful Saturday rolls around and we crammed into my sweet ride and drive over to the university. We parked and walked up to the house.

This was our Nirvana. There were hot chicks everywhere. Boos varieties that we had never seen at that young age and weed galore. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Sometimes that weed comes out. You really got a power through. Sometime in the middle of the night,

I see this grill on the porch. She's red head. She's a redhead. Oh, shit. That's my fetish, man. I said everyone's fetish, isn't it? Is it? Redheads. Some people don't find redheads attractive at all.

Do you? It's so weird, it's changed. You used to and now you don't? No, I used to not, now I do. Hell yeah, you do. It's really weird, it's gonna happen. What happened? I don't know.

Somebody wear a red wig or something? I don't know. You met me, that's what happened. We'll go with that. I approached the, I believe it will at all. It's more insulting. I'm insulting. I approached the group that she's with and I realized

that she's smoking hot, but don't a donk. Big old titties, 38, double D. Wow. That's not that big. Excuse me. 38. Look, a double D and then 38, that's the size of a rib cage. She sounds like a bull cow thing. You're, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. What? You're saying that this is not a large breasted woman. Oh, I'm sure it's, forgive me. What are you? You want to throw, if you want to get into a pissing contest. 32 triple D. Okay, you win. Yeah. We all do, Dick.

Wow, that's the end of the story. Play the outro. I need to go to the hospital. I'm about to have a stroke. Been legs for days. About that. Is days enough legs's how many legs do you have a week? No, I know I can't afford legs no, I'm a fortnight of legs over there. Legless waist down nothing fortnight I can't believe I can't believe you said that I can't either I walk up to the group and use my best

Predict masters and pick up line. Hey you guys got a lighter. I need to spark up this blunt. Yeah, that's all right. That'll do it. That'll do in a pinch. And just like that, I was part of the group. We smoked the blunt and I chatted up the redhead. She told me that she had just moved the town from Uhoff. You tough for school. Oh, yeah, I said, well, I'm here. Well, I'm here and I'd love to show you around sometime. She was digging it. We kept flirting as a nightward on and after a while, we started making out and getting handsy.

All right. This was it. And then I had been waiting for. I was finally gonna get laid. Oh my God, he was a virgin too. Oh wow, talk about paydirt. Red gold, that's what they call this. Gonna be ruined.

When a red head takes your virginity, you ruined. Why? Cause we're that great. Obviously. Okay. Uh, I was gonna score and then her roommate stumbles up to us. Oh, no. She was sobbing and saying that she'd been throwing up all night

and that she wanted to go home. Oh, no. Cock blocked. Feels bad, man. Oh, she went to. Feels bad, man. She went to help her friend, but just before she left, I had the sense to ask for her number. She smiled and gave it to me.

A few days later, I called her up. Oh God, that's sensible. Sometimes you just get too pissed off and throw it away. You know, that man's ability to just get annoyed and ruin everything is. Cause that is so annoying. We're like, oh you fucking jacket. That man's ability to just get annoyed and ruin everything is. Cause that is so annoying. Where it's like, oh, you fucking jacket.

Becoming emotional disaster. Cause you, cause no guy wanted to fuck you. Drank a bunch of shit. You had no business drinking. Yeah. A few days later I call up, how you want to hang out this weekend. I know this great spot where you can smoke weed

and look out over the city at night. She said she would love to. It was on. The faithful night comes around and I drive to her dorm to pick her up. There's a big party going on. When she comes out, I can tell that she'd been drinking pretty hard. I didn't care though. I was young and I was finally going to get laid. Oh my god, this poor guy. We drove up to the spot overlooking the city. We sat on the hood of my car and smoked a joy and we started making out. About five minutes into the make-out session, she says, why don't we sit inside the car? We go into the back, and as soon as the door closes

and close start flying off, I put on a condom that I was, that, and I get ready to fuck when she says, I want you to fuck me in the ass. That's see, see what I'm saying. That's something that Red Hat still. Run your life. Well, okay. Because you're going to have, you're not going to have a good time trying to fuck my penis. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha My friends coming out all right no possible way this could go poorly in a car in the middle of nowhere

I've already got my condom on let's hit it nope as oh man What do you how do you negotiate out of that? You just say yes and pull a wrong home whoops You know we don't believe that shit Whoops. God. You know we don't believe that shit. Whoops.

You guys thinking debarking dogs is cruel. You believe anything. You just read the story. This was unexpected, but I wasn't going to say no. She gets on all fours and I go in through the back door. Feels good, man. About five seconds in, I blow a mess. I was fucking embarrassing.

I didn't want to look like a chump, so I use all my willpower to try to keep my dick hard. God. We've all done it. It's called fucking through. Oh, it never works. I mean, maybe I've done that once and it's worked. And I still regretted it. Like, what are you, what are my values, man?

What the hell am I doing? Oh, I'm sitting here, um, fucking this girl in the ass with three quarters of a chub in the back of my car, probably generous, contemplating the sequence of events that has led to this moment. I hear someone tap on the window behind me. Okay, guys, break it up and come out of the car. As first time lasted five, five seconds. I look over my shoulder and one of the boys in blue was sitting there giving me a look of disapproval.

And I hear her say, oh my god, it's my dad. Oh, fuck, don't pull out too late. The moment, oh no, don't pull out. The moment I pulled my dick out of volcano of shit exploded from her ass and covered me and the backseat of the Jeep in the nastiest shit I've ever smelled in my life. The smell is so bad that I throw up all over the curve. This isn't real. This is how people have sex. That's the point of this bit. This is 100't real. Oh, this is how people have sex. No.

That's the point of this bit. This is 100% real. No. They're drinking and getting high and this poor kid is now getting tapped on by the police after embarrassing himself in this girl's ass. That's definitely throw up. If you're ever going to throw up, that's the time to do it. Puking from the cop gets one look at the situation and says, fuck this.

Yeah, see that this is bullshit. Why? There's no way a cop would literally fuck this and just hop. Yeah, he would. He would. What does he want to do? He's totally he's not filling up paperwork on that and then and then going and searching the car and get them blankets and stuff I don't see shit. I get it. Yeah, he's just a guy. Yeah, you're right. What would you do? Oh, I already knocked on the glass. Guess I better follow this through We cleaned ourselves off as best we could and I drove her home And I spent the rest of the night driving around looking for a place to wash the inside

of my car. So my parents wouldn't see a shit and puke covered back seat the next morning. What the fuck? Anyway, that's my story of the show. I have to get rapes and serially organic ass farmer. Oh, that's unbelievable. Yeah. Oh, you've been listening to neurotic stories from real men.

You lost him though. You can't get any worse. No. Right? I, yeah, you can't get any worse than that. I think so. Let's see what else, what do I got here? It's like a rundown of every possible embarrassing sex thing to happen.

There's a guy who will take a toothy blowjob and never complain. Yeah. It's the year of the Dick Lies video. As I said, a mad cuck's quit his, he stopped his Patreon. Did he? Yeah, he suspended it. That's kind of, it's a bummer. It's kind of a bummer. Dustin's pitching, oh, I got, got to Captain Jackass with some Facebook news. Dustin is pitching bits. Yes, always back. Good. He is. He pitched a he pitched a bit where people would send in songs and then the winner, the best song would get a t-shirt.

I don't know if that qualifies as a bit really. Yeah, people let him know that that's not really a bit in no uncertain terms and several times. Yeah. It's not a bit, right? Yeah, it's a contest. Yeah. Yeah. A contest of something that people already do. Yeah. Yeah. And in which is, would he participate? No. Oh, I guess. So I guess that was that was his the entirety of his involvement was the post. And then I think I have to me and the people doing the songs have to take it over from there. Yeah. Okay, let me play the Facebook news. Hello, Dick. Hello, Dick. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple of days.

I love this guy. Oh no, but our top story from last week Johnny Olson says the piss was indeed fraudulent enough. Now that he's working, his primary goal is to bang the hot chick he's working with. Johnny congrats on the job and good luck on the broad. Our top story this week would be Logan Warren. He posted two photos of himself in North Korea, claiming to be the last American tourist out of North Korea before the travel ban was implemented. These photos included himself beside his tour guide. Naturally, Dick had only question to Logan, was whether or not he banged her, hit on her, or at the very least, asked her about her shoes. Our last story this week comes from Fred Shoe's. Fred banged a stripper Friday night and he didn't have to pay, which led Fred

to believe that he did a good job. However, Dickheads were quick to point out that strippers are not the same as prostitutes and other people insinuated that perhaps Fred will opayment in about nine months or so just not immediately and another Dick show Dick had said that perhaps his cock was the entire tip. This is bad in the Facebook group news for the last couple days. That's a couple of days there.

I think you kept in Jackass. Here you go. If you're wondering about that guy's piss being fake and I think you go. You made it. Let's see, I've got some rage things from Reddit. Rage list from reddit, ran dasu, sell good doors, what makes him a rage is mumblers.

Mm-hmm. God, it's bad. Oh no. It's bad. You, man, you get on a phone with a mumbler. Oh, nothing will shoot your blood pressure up higher than that. You concentrate so hard to try to just understand. So you don't have to say what?

Repeat that. What? What? Three watts and you're out. That's, it's got, like there's got to be some, there has got to be a way to instill into people, a tremendous sense of panic when they've heard what, more than one time.

Yeah. As soon as you've got us, as soon as you hear the second one, I gotta take a break. I'm not prepared for this call. I'm not prepared to speak to you at the moment. I'm outta here. I need to go take a break and think about things. Think about what I really wanna do today

and if it's talk to people. Because it doesn't sound like it is. No, it's moving away from that direction. Yeah, I'm half in. Go grab some coffee with your mumbling. They spice it up too. Sometimes it's the phone control, sometimes the mic control and the phone.

Sometimes it's the giggling, the laughter, the chuckling, that takes a long, I laughter, the truckling, that takes a long, ha ha ha ha. Like, I swear to God, man, if I hear your ma'am, if I hear you, if I hear any laughing, that's it. I'm gonna come over to your house and fill it with concrete. De-barc your dog and debark both of your dogs, so they're not gonna be able to alert anyone

about what a shitty pet owner you are for letting your dogs bark one fucking time ever. People are so, like you wouldn't let a kid do that. Just stand outside. Ah! Ah! Ah! People do.

Which like, if I said, if I said, do you voicing a kid for doing that, would you be more okay with that? No. Okay. That's consistent. Yeah, that's the right. What did you expect me?

Well, like, what did you expect? Well, I don't know. What if I just, the guy was doing it. The guy was just standing out as y'all going, ah! Ah! I would kindly ask him to stop. What if he didn't stop? Well, is he easy in my yard?

He's like a homeless guy who doesn't understand, like, he's disturbing the piece, I would call the police. They don't do shit. They're not, the police aren't there. They just bring a dog in the box. God, maybe. Yeah. They're gonna, they're gonna put the dog right back

or the guy right back. Yeah. There's no stopping it. See, you want there to be a way to stop it, but there's not a clean way to stop it. No, no man is just gonna sit there and go raw. Yeah, they are. You need to spend more time in LA.

Yeah. Go to Hollywood. I try to. I use to live all day and night. Ah! Yeah. Yeah, I'm either some creeps. Chrono's poo says the way people use triggered.

It's a sad reminder of the indomitable force of linguistic entropy, reducing everything to a meaningless mass of homogeneity. It's true. Triggered used to specifically mean when someone has an involuntary panic response to a phrase or topic, it was a psychological issue and then the whole trigger warning thing was overused.

Yep. And conservatives started using it sarcastically to make fun of touchy liberals. But now it's kind of not sarcastic anymore. Then liberals started calling conservatives triggered as an, I know you, God, I hate it. I know. It does trigger me.

That is a perfect example of how language is getting more and more dumb down. Raped, you were gonna say, you were about to say raped. I wish I was going to say that. And then you realize, oh shit, I'm about to do it too. Yeah. Any sort of, then everyone started using it as an insult whenever they disagree with,

whenever they disagree, which shows any sort of emotion regarding, that's, yeah, it's shameful to care. You triggered these guys. That's what they're growing up with. They triggered if they get upset. There's this whole internet thing with like, oh, you're mad. No, you're mad now. And it's like, so what if I am?

I'm very mad all the time. Yeah. Yeah. You're correct. Oh, he's mad. Yeah, and then what? I'm getting a lot matter too. Let's see here.

Austin Matthews asks about the show. Can we bring our own beer or his outside booze band? Of course it's band. And what kind of insane question is that? What for the L.A. show? Yeah, for the L.A. show. You can't bring on your own. Bring booze into a bar. We got a bar to have that we got to cover. Yeah, all right. Listen to voice mail. Long show been a long time long show. Yeah, peachy got anything you want to plug? Uh, just my, um, my Twitch Twitch.tv slash Peach saliva. Okay.

That's a lot of fun. Coming out. That's fun. Watch me. He may get myself on your best behavior. Yeah. She could twitch from the nearest ER or else you'll get picked out. What?

Like low text. No talking about concrete or anything like that. All right, everybody, this has been the Dix Show. Go to thedix Show.comdix.show. Patreon.com slash the Dix Show. See you next Tuesday. Presenting. I Tell these boys now All right, hey made dick this is the latest show. Oh, thank God. I am finally calling in. I'm caught up on every Dick show. So I want to give some comments on the past, what, eight months or whatever it's been sitting down to piss has changed my life. All right.

Every time you wake up or jack off or whatever, you, I mean, like as a man, you just know that sometimes when you're about to piss, it's going to be messy. You're pissing, you know, what you think is just a straight line, but it's a straight line plus a diagonal line that goes all over the fucking place. You know what I mean? And when you sit down to piss, it's like being outside and pissing into the wind. It's beautiful. You don't have to aim or anything. And I never even went as bad until Peach brought in her rage. So it's like her rage has had the opposite effect. Like it made me want less of a man.

I made it less of a man. I thought about it. And I was like, yeah, why am I so happy? It's just like when my, my, my, my sitting keeps from getting right. My, my dick is like a shower head. And I'm pissing it all fucking different directions when I can just be sitting down and have all of this contained it's wonderful. So yeah, but thank you for making me piss sitting down. That's it.

Yes. Dick, listening to you talk about global warming and energy is like listening to you talk About global warming and energy is listening to Maddox talking about economics just stop it Just just just stop it all right all right a thousand years to do whatever whatever you Stupid all right just stop it. I Coke I Coke Is discussing Stop it was you should have been happy that McDonald's gave you a full-flavored coke when you're asking for this bomb, this fucking approtein abomination. I don't care about, oh, approtein is bad for you. Yeah, whatever.

That's a real, a real, a fucking approtein. How about that? How about you should be happy to get a delicious corn syrup delight That is original coke all right and Sean. I'm looking at you Sean. You're gonna die at coke all the time Yeah, just drink some fucking water. All right, I do that. You're gonna drink so this is a prison diet It should be a delicious It is sugary and delightful and you know, it's unhealthy, but you drink it because the fucking treat. All right, he gets more again free than now. Getting out of Shawshank.

You got like telling people what to talk about the local warming. You got a fucking grease ball burger. You got a thousand calories. That's the, that's the, that's the end. Oh, did I cut it off? Yeah. That's the, drink water. Protect your asshole at all times by sitting down. Oh, you pee. Well, it's not bad advice. Okay. Don't talk to me, Sean. Dead to me.

Just Maddie, be on the road. And if you want to talk about trailers, the half scenes that aren't in the movie don't go to on your Marines I was told I'm gonna be spinning rifles playing dragons driving a brown Corvette The desert sitting in a bag This thing It's hitting in a bag. Yeah, do you remember when the Marines had the dragon slaying commercial? No. Yeah.

Do you remember that? Yeah. Oh man, that seemed like a little much even at the time. Yeah. I think I had that dude with the sword. The Marines have a sword, right? When they were in the White Hats? Isn't it a rapier?

Yeah. Some kind of rapier didn't kill the dragon. Wait, is that once every four years? Do I? It's a rapier? Yeah, some kind of rapier didn't kill the kid. Wait, is that once every four years? What? It's a rapier? I could say, yeah. It doesn't seem like the armed forces I know. Dad. Boom!

Seems like a little lunch. They got to show I'm shitting in a bag at the NFL. Instead of playing, that's the deal and will play the national anthem One game and everyone will stand up respected and the next one it'll be that guy just getting hey I'm in the Marines right now. I'm shitting the bag. Yeah, and there's no air conditioning Mm-hmm. So I don't know the few yeah, I'm not really worried about Nealing or standing. It's just that my day today is taking a shit in a bag. It's got nothing to do with black lives matters or freedom.

It's just I had to get this shit in this bag in the desert. So I guess fucking kneel, kneel or squat or stand while I drop this knowledge on you. And this do not everyone is, it doesn't feel like killing a dragon out here. Real talk. Yeah. Real talk.

It's like the anthem, you know, it is the national anthem and all the, oh today the NFL is honoring these heroes who are in this and wearing a uniform that all women say they want to fuck, right? This is a, that's the wedding.

Yep. You know? And it's like, that's a wedding for guys. And they get all, they get all their pants and their pants about this shit. But the marriage is not, this shitting in a bag in the desert. You don't hear that side. That's men going their own, that's MIGTOW talk. She might turn into a dragon though. Who?

The wife. Your wife, yeah. Your wife turned, okay, yeah. So get married, I guess, and bring your reapier. And really, it really annoys me that you can't, like, you can't simultaneously say, you guys sure you want to go join the army without sounding like an asshole without like also

shitting on people in it feels like it anyway yeah uh... you know what makes me a rage is what i think is the new trance you know i mean let's be real. We all know it's trashy,

but like I kind of get like, oh, sexy, whatever, ball-boss, by the ass, right? I feel like the new girl equivalent of that is getting a stupid fucking tattoo behind your ear. I see a heart. I see a music video. I see the fucking ball print. Are you a tagging animal?

Yeah, it is where you're at. Are see a tag in the animal. Yeah, it is where you take a shark. I want to get a tattoo, but not too big and like I want to be able to hide it. I'm sure it's high behind my air. So fucking super. Yeah. They got tattoo guys trolling the ocean down by

San Diego State and they hook these broads and bring them in and then tattoo the behind their ears. They put their star sign behind their ears, Virgo, whatever. New Triumph stamp. That in Bible verses on the ribs. That's the worst. Yeah, it's always with the biggest sluts, too. Yeah. Yeah.

Totally is. What's it gonna be next? What's the new kind of tattoo? Something with computers? Yeah, something with like a computer chip. Man, you know what made me a fucking rage at Universal Studios. Their cups, their fucking cups are low jacked. The cup, like the concession can't stand cups, dude. So I bought a soda and

they've got one of those goddamn any soda machines. Wait a minute, no, I really bought the soda. Yes, piece brought soda. So I take my soda cup because I need it now, I need the soda right now. Like if I don't function, if I don't have aspartame in my body, it starts to fall apart. Cause I've got, I need it. I'm addicted to it. I grab my soda and go over there, put it in, like put it in the, start, go through the watch every idiot

in front of me, go through the laborious, fingered numbing process of reviewing these flavors that they've never, that could change their life, at going through like, oh wow, yeah, I really need to pause and think for a second if I need cherry or raspberry diet, Dr. Pepper. This is a new experience for me. I love those machines.

I fucking hate them because I fucking hate those machines because it's a kind of enough of them. So it can walk right up to one. It takes forever for people to get through them. And they're all like, oh, they sit there, they got, there should not even be a back arrow on that machine. Remove it.

If you fucked up, you're drinking whatever comes out of it. You don't need an undo on that. It's like life. There's nothing you can do about the path. Just cancel, cancel, get to the end of the line. Put a facial recognition camera in there that if that person is standing there, no, the machine's done. You X out and you're gone.

There's no back. Oh, these chick up there, back. What did you say you wanted? Oh, well, they have, they have orange high C, or cherry high C, like, like what the just pick one. It's all the same. If anybody is that specific over the nuance of the diet, they can get fucked.

They can just eat a bunch, they can drink a bunch of piss. Anyway, I finally get my turn up there. I put my soda glass down and it says, I put in the Diet Coke, Cherry Diet Coke. The best, the only one that should be right in the front. Why there isn't a row of favorites right in the front? I don't know. Pick it and it says, now commencing refill,

are now commencing one fill. Wait, what do you mean one fill? Now using your one fill, this is good for refills for five hours. I'm like, what the, are you kidding me? What do you mean good for five hours? So I look at the bottom of the cup, and I see this fucking computer chip. They got the cups, low jacked. So I put it in, press the button, what does it do? One inch of soda. Oh no.

Whoops. What there's your soda. Maybe I could fill the rest up with ice. No ice at all. Got a great system. Great. You figure out a way to put computers in the cup but there's nothing in the fucking machine to eat to drink. The thing that the highest profit margin in the fucking machine to eat, to drink. The thing that, the highest profit margin in the food and beverage costs two cents to fill up your glass. Yeah. Well, and then you're charging eight dollars. Yeah.

Well, how long, physically, how long would I have to sit here drinking this soda for you to lose money on the eight dollars off of the already two hundred dollars that I paid to get in here? You greedy fucks. You probably die first of like water of saturation. Yeah.

God. They figured out a way to low jack your cups. God. Terrible. Who's so fucking pissed off? I forget why I started talking about that. You know what? Lacey can fuck right off with her.

Damn. You know, 712. 712 people have been shot fatally by cops. fuck right off with her you know seven hundred and twelve seven hundred and twelve people have been shot fatally by cops uh... i'm sure none of them were criminals right lately yet you so stupid course of them are justified by criminals this year that it's a god damn lot more than Yeah. But, but you know what's real

Kotlin? Guns. Guns are a horrible, horrible blight on our society. If only all the guns just disappeared. Well, she didn't say that. No, she didn't say that. Please, he's not stupid. She's sweet. I do, I do hate it when people bring in like a cop fucked up and therefore all cops are bad. Oh, totally. I've been just saying. I'm saying, yeah. I don't ever want to hear about a cop screw up. Yeah, they're going to, it's like a guy doing a job.

Yeah, and like anything, there's people who should not be doing that job. Yeah. And then sometimes you can be good at your job and fuck up. How about just let's have less of that job then if it's so bad. Maybe they're doing too much. I can get rid of all this kneeling. Hey, Dick. So you're talking about looking for a movie that has no

Dad oh no, no where the dad the good guy. Yeah, well, I try every Disney movie from like the 70s back There's no Frickin comms and those things well, they're all wicked stuff. There's a theory that is because Walt Disney's mom died herself. So all he had was a father figure. So I mean, you've got like little mermaid. You've got everyone. And if there is a mother figure,

she's made a shit like in Cinderella. So anyway, a little fun factoid for you. Go fuck yourself. It's true. Maybe I need that in my entertainment. It's always like the moms. The parents are always like really good people who die tragically or one of them,

the good one dies tragically. And it was the father. And then it's like, no, the mother. And then the father, yeah, they're, and then they never talk about it. Father remarries and it's, yeah., no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Scrooge, I'm also an uncle. I just want to see shit with uncles and little boys. That's the only that's the only kind of entertainment I'm open to. Okay. Hey, Dick, your fucking cut.

I'm a garbage bag. Congratulations. I'm not getting out of my truck to pick up your goddamn box. Fuck you. Put the box in the fucking garbage can I got an arm on my truck. I ran a fucking joy stick. I'm not a fucking slave fuck you There's different kinds of garbage, too Here's fucking recycling. No, I'm not picking up boxes boxes go in the fucking recycling can Boston's going to fucking recycling can Garbage goes in the garbage can

Fucking don't have shit Sticking out of your fucking garbage can For fucking feet you want something Especially inside my truck Stand outside and fucking wait and say Hey, buddy can I throw this into your truck And I'll say yeah give her Matt Toss her in there in fact

Just put it in that fucking bin and I'll lift it up for you You don't have to toss fuck off But no I'm not getting out of my truck and put your goddamn box in there. Fuck you. You see how fucking picky these garbage men are. When I was a kid, they used to get out and like actually load the cans.

You know, pick up the cans. Yeah. And back when it was like a job, not a video. Not a guy playing with his joystick and a cap. Not a fucking asshole who holds you a whole line of cars up. It's a great job. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like you're allowed to park cars on one side of the road. Yeah. You can't fucking get around that garbage truck. You got to wait for his stupid ass to fucking work as joystick and run the garbage can into the fucking car that is next to what this stupid fucking lever. Yeah. You won't just get out and re-situate it.

Oh, okay. Well, if you're not doing any work, let's just replace you with robots then. Can't wait. All the engineers gonna get together, all the nerds from high school, they're gonna get together, and they're gonna make a fucking list. I can't. What?

You're talking about replacing with robots? You know what, a restaurant in Pasadena has one of the first burger flippers on the West Coast. Yeah, it's $60,000 thing, and the price is just coming down. Bring it on. Oh no, no, no. You've been fucking, you've been not picking up my boxes for 10 years, soon a robot's gonna be picking up,

you fucking job. Then's your mom ever teach you to let. Yeah, the burger flippers are, they're gone. Toys back in the toy box. It doesn't always fit. How are you gonna throw away a vacuum cleaner box that are an air conditioner box that doesn't fit in a fucking garbage.

You're an engineer, figure it out. Yeah, I'm gonna spend all day packing a box into the garbage like I'm sending off Christmas presents. He's trying to get us trucking his garage. That's my, I can't fit in into that one. We're gonna make a list of all the jobs. Garbage men right on top that robots are replacing first right on the fucking top because it shit like this Who's gonna who's being a bigger prick at the moment? Yeah, who's fucking up more guys who aren't picking up my garbage guys who aren't making a food right

Putting shit on somebody's getting replaced. It's a new reality show called you got no fucking future You come on and then you compete to save your fucking industry from robots That's my that's that's my show Called real life called the real world season forever. Yeah Welcome to welcome to it welcome to an opiate crisis Population all men who won't get off their fucking ass to do your job. Number first, number one, next politician that comes to my door, hey, what's your stance? What's your stance on replacing garbage with robots?

Is it a yes or no? Because I'm voting for yes. That's on my one issue voter now. Who's who's getting replaced by the robots first? That's coming. Truck drivers, you're all right. They never win the truck drivers, fuck around. But if you honk at me for passing you on the wrong side of road, you're next.

Robot for you, robot for you. Robot's gonna fuck your wife. Yep. Oh, thank God. Okay. It's gonna do all your math. Don't worry, we've got plenty of oxy-contin for you. No weed, nobody profits from that.

But you can get all the prescription, you can get all the prescription drugs that health insurance companies can pay themselves for making. We got you covered. Yo, dick. It's a big bear. You know, makes me erase this week. Shoulder tags. Hmm. It's playoff baseball season.

I'm pretty excited. Sounds like it. It sounds like the third year in a row that we're going into playoffs. Hmm. So like a dumbass, I am. I went and bought a t-shirt. Yeah. I got it today.

Opened it up. A lot of size and soft. It's not some deals and bullshit. Yeah, cool. So I went, got my ass cleaned up, put it on, ah, there's a tad on the shoulder. Contact. You can't get away from it every time you move,

it's just clistening on your fucking shoulder. Yeah. Just rustling around, you can't get away from it. It's awful. That's an 18-year-old. Can't cut it off. It will look like shit. That will be a constant reminder to you. Yeah. You got fucked over by your t-shirt. Your inanimate t-shirt. Fucked you over. Real excited. That's what he gets for being excited about baseball and buying a shirt. Tags. Tags on the shoulder. Anyway, okay, one more.

Fucking that fucking garbage man. I know, that fired me up. I'm just gonna go to Home Depot and buy a sinber. Fucking pre-Madonna garbage man. Yeah, well because you're sticking four feet out of the thing, it's the wrong thing, what the fuck do you care if it's, if it's in the right thing or not? Yeah. Or if there's, there's like a, you know,

there's a part of a fluorescent lighting two-box sticking out the top. It was something. Just get out. Get out and throw it in the garbage. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it.

What do they have? It's so, what is it? It's so scheduled down to the house that you don't have time to get out and put it in. What he basically said was, I don't work, I play video games. That's what he said in that phone call. I operated Joystick.

You know what? When the robots come, I'm gonna be, I hate robots. I'm gonna be right out there. No, no jobs for humans. I'm gonna be protesting with the robots. I'm gonna paint myself silver. Right. And I'm gonna be standing out there with all the robots with a sign that says death to fucking humans. Yep. No human labor, no human labor. Robot only, jobs for robots. I'm gonna get on the news. It's a show of a robot out of the way. Hey, what's up?

Just me, robot, I'm a robot, and I just wanna say, humans are fucked. I got a stats about humans for you. They fuck up. They fuck up. They fuck up like once a second. Once I bet you as a news, are you a robot yourself, lady? Know you're human. I noticed you've got some nice shoes.

Yeah. But I'm still a robot. Robotically speaking. What was I talking about? Destiny humans. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. God. God blessed. OK. One more. Yes, yes, yes. God.

God bless it. Okay, one more, one more, one more. I'll tell you what makes me a fucking rage. I am so goddamn tired of buying gas. You don't even get to see the fucking gas that you buy. It's like $70 fucking to fill up my pickup. That's true. Like fucking hurricane Harvey happening. And it just up the price. That's true. And you got shit like fucking hurricane Harvey happenin

and they just have the price like, who do those motherfuckers think they are? Have a hurricane on your own. God damn, God damn, fucking assholes. Fuck buying gas. You don't get to see it. You don't get to see it, I know. You don't get to see it.

And the gas tanks have those little flaps at close. So I can't get out. You don't even know what you're putting in there. Yeah. And the card isn't verify that the number is right. Right. You just got to, got to trust it. Yeah. Yeah. True. And it always runs out at a different time. Yeah. Should go back and go, yes. I sense 14.6 gallons. Just let me take a look at it. Yeah. Put the, put the backup camera in the gas tank so I could see what I bought. Yeah.

So I could see what value I purchased with it. It's not a Bitcoin. It's not just, it doesn't exist in the ether. It really exists. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Hardly. Yeah. If you buy a gas. Oh, when I used to drive, yeah. You don't drive anymore? I not really know. You're in New York, right? No Montreal. Oh. Yeah, they have great public transit system.

Yeah. Really? It's surprisingly really great. They have guys groping you like in Japan? No. Not that great. Do they have grop only cars? They actually do have women only cars.

No, groping only. Like where the lights are off and it's playing some like grope music. And it's just like a flashing white light. No, no. A flashing white light. Like a strobe, sorry, strobe light. No, no, not a horror grope. They were telling an alien abduction story.

Like a red light, like a sensual groping car. No, they don't, they know. They should. A sensual groping car. Yeah. Like a glory hole, red light like a sensual groping car. No, they don't they know they should a sensual groping car. Yeah, like a glory hole but for groping. Yeah. And you just everybody just walks around like a crab. Yeah, their hands down at waist level. That's what I heard. Japan is like just a bunch of businessmen with their hands down

at penis level, like walking back and forth, doing a little crab dance, trying to grope something. I don't recall. Go over here. Get over there. I don't recall anything like that, but who knows? Cause you don't know if it's Chick's ass or a guy's ass. I have an idea.

Next time I go, why don't you come with me? Only if there's groping though. I don't know. Go on one of the cars. I'll jump off that suicide bridge. Make a bunch of calls. Good. Okay, last one.

Or did I say that was gonna be less than that? You said that four times. Three more, one more. Oh, this is a good one. Hey, Dick, so what makes me a rage right now is when you realize you're the asshole. You've done so a few times and it's, you're the asshole. It's done said a few times, and I love the job. Like, when everybody you meet the asshole, you're the asshole.

Can you say that they don't have me in it? The shit that has happened to me very recently, last 48 hours. Okay? I get passed by an ambulance in a fire truck. You know, you see him coming and like, ah, mother fuck, they're not gonna pull over for this shit. She get, I'm more than on time. It's just like, I don't want to stop in the road. There's no fucking thing. You wait a little bit too.

I just, I don't want to put her stuff. That's it. So my God, Mother fucker. The next one is, there's traffic's block because there was a recent accident. And I find myself thinking, I hope somebody's in the fucking hospital for me having to go and make you know three left or a right hand turn and two left hand turns and other right hand turns to get around it. I just automatically think of somebody talking retarded for a convenient thing. It must be an idiot. And then the third one was I saw a lost dog sticker or a poster on the mailbox and I thought mother fucker that looks trashy as fuck so I ripped

it off and I realized okay at that point huh you're fucking asshole some kids out there looking for I don't know what the fucking dog name look I didn't look. Like, they made it all the way over there, they're like, that's son of a bitch. You're making my mailbox look ugly. So that's what makes me a rage when you realize you're the asshole. Cause I guess everybody has me turn asshole showing you're fucking I. Anyway, see you next Tuesday.

That's the guy the guy written up at work for saying see you next Tuesday. Oh yeah the guy that got written up at work for saying see you next Tuesday. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. There's voice familiar. Yeah, that's Dustin, the other Dustin. Oh, okay. That's the asshole Dustin. Gotcha.

I think a lot of evil things as he's driving around, ripping children's lost dogs finds down. Yeah, that's a little far, it's a little far for me, but. That's far, but debarking is fine with y'all. Because it's fine. It's fine. What for me, but that's far, but debarking is fine with you. Because it's fine. It's fine.

What is the big deal? The dog still thinks it can bark because it goes, it's like, it's a gang's man. It's like, it's a dog that's mad at Louise. It's really trying to speak. Like, he doesn't, the dog doesn't have feelings. It's not like, oh, I feel like less of a man now because I can't bark. You think dogs have feelings?

Not like that. They don't get embarrassed because other dogs are making fun of their barking. I have to be great if they did. I know. Okay, maybe they don't get embarrassed. They don't need to do that. They only do it for humans. They don't do it in the wild.

They're not walking around going like, rough, rough, that's not fucking Oliver in company. Well, they, I mean, they bark. Well, I'm still a bark. They only howl. Yeah, yeah. Barking is human. I think they like, yip or something, right?

But no, there's yeah, there's different communications. I don't, but I will. Which you mean a voice to do. Doesn't bark like a dog. The dog exists for it to be a stand in for a child. That's what it's there for. Yeah. Some women feel the way about men, I guess. It's a psychiatric tool that you're inflicting on everybody else. It's, it's, it is. You're telling me you wouldn't love a dog. Of course, it's a dog, but I would never, I would never let it bark, not once, not once.

That would be the end of the dog. I would throw it straight in the garbage. Well, yeah, make sure you get in all the way here. I won't pick it up. I'm holding you to it. If you get in all the way here. The guy won't pick it up. That's good. Holden you to it. If you get a dog and I hear you're going.

The barking of fucking people. It's out of control. One people. It's totally out of control. And the chasm between the sides of what's acceptable for dogs is too great. That it is, yes, the surgery sounds terrible. But if you let your dog bark three times in a day, that's it.

We can't tolerate that. It's got to be clipped. It's tough love for myself. It's that I'll allow myself to think that it's tough love. Ain't no love there. Peach, have you ever lived around somebody who's dog barked? It's the fucking worst. It's the fucking worst.. No, farm you've got acres. What kind of a thing? Well, I want to kill the owners. Yeah. That's what it because I'll settle for the dog.

The fucking dog out in the backyard barking all night. I mean, it's place where I used to live dogs fucking everywhere. And my roommate goes out there finally just had enough. 3am at the top of his lungs. Shot your fucking dog. Shot at the fuck off. You shot that fucking dog up. Did it work? Yeah, they did it work permanently or did it work? No, it did not.

No, it did not. Nothing will stop. I did the same thing. There's a guy that lives across the way for me. They got this puppy for Christmas last year. And I think they must put it out when they go to work because it's on the balcony all fucking day with a Saint like a metronome.

You could set a fucking watch to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So finally I noticed that someone was doing yard work. Someone was doing yard work. Someone was doing yard work slowly and poorly, so I knew it wasn't a professional, you know? Never seen them do it before. So somebody's out just dicking around in their yard.

Right. Doc starts going again. First thing, just jump up, like a complete lunatic wearing only my underpants, standing on the balcony screaming to shut the fucking dog up. Like shut, shut it up, shut it up, shut your fucking dog up. Yep. And 20 minutes later, it stopped, but it's not gonna last.

No. See, everyone makes fun of me for sleeping with soundproof headphones on. And this is why I don't have any fucking problems. I'm not wearing, I am not going to change my behavior because of some fucking- What, literally just going like that? Worrying-

Yeah. Headphones all day? No, just when you're going to sleep. It doesn't happen when it happens all day because people work and I work out of the home. It's all day, the dog barking, it's insane. Okay, everybody, that's it, see you next Tuesday. The dog barking, it's insane.

Okay, everybody, that's it. See you next Tuesday.