The Dick Show - Episode 71 - Dick on Being Toxic

Episode Date: October 10, 2017

Gun Week, Shark Week, GIF vs. JIF, why everything is "toxic", give me a hobby or give me death, the gratuitous lols of online creeps, Schrödinger's Racist, not taking chick sports reporters seriously enough, a flowchart of crappy gun arguments, the time I got Harvey Weinerstein'ed, Bill Guy the Science Dude is back, the lackluster money shot of a Rick and Morty finale, the Wheel of Fortune National Anthem, Maddox misses a trademark deadline, wedding invitations, a new way to talk to people, and the average man is illegal; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah Welcome to dick you You need Dick. You wanna take your love dick, it's the only show. You got to see only show where everything is a contest. Come to you live from a mountain bunker. I'm deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. With me, it's always, it's Sean, the audio engineer.

Hi, dick. Oh, it's up, buddy. What was that? What the audio engineer part? Janieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Guy, like he gets up there and does an impression of his brother, but you can tell that he's like, he stills is making it his own. It's like, dude, just do the fucking impression. It's funny, you can tell I've watched a lot more MMA than boxing. That might, that might, that might, that's, I forgot, I forgot, I just popped out. I meant, yes, I meant to, I thought Michael Bufuck you,

I know that you meant to do it because that's the shitty one. That is the shitty one. That's the shitty one. Yeah, oh, he's a great actor like, Zephyr Baldwin, like how you son of a bitch. to do it because that's the shitty one. That is the shitty one. That's the shitty one. Yeah. Oh, he's a great actor like Zephyr Baldwin. Like, how you son of a bitch. He should just go for like Gallagher. Like Gallagher's brother would just rip off his routine.

Did you know that? No. Yeah, I think, I think so. Wait a minute. No, that sounds familiar. Like Gallagher had a brother and said, Oh, my brother's just making money smashing watermelons with a hammer.

Yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. Yeah. He had the Gallagher show. And he just ripped off the act or so I recall, you know, one of those late night we could feed you a memory holes. Get fucking Gallagher, because that was his name. Gallagher, so they've turned into like a big,

I think it turned into a big lawsuit. Well, I'm sure. Why? Like what? How do you... You know what are you suing your brother because you're... This is who we are as people. Ah, I invented smashing watermelons with a sledgehammer.

I'm suing my fucking flesh and blood. Well, yeah, but it's in... But it's obviously... It's... You could see where the confusion would be created. You're profiting off somebody's, somebody's character or persona or... Sean, it's smashing watermelons with... I know.

He does smashing watermelons and making jokes about a house and mouse and bullshit. Oh yeah, I've never seen a halager's routine. I have, not just smashing watermelons. Yeah. Yeah, it's not just smashing watermelons. It's minion level humor. Yeah. Okay. Oh, minion humor. Oh, good. You get a minion meme. Yeah. It's still that's the that is the level of humor it is. Anyway, did I forget anything in the intro? That's what I'm doing now because I

want to be that ringside guy and And Sean, the audio, you know, like Leslie Nielsen and Naked Guns Steve. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He starts winding up for the strike call when you're actually still in his wind up. I really fucking want to be that guy. Yeah, I'll do it for free.

That's a great scene. He's just, everybody's waiting for him to call the first pitch. Yeah. He's just like, oh yeah, I got to do something. He's just, everybody's waiting for him to call the first pitch. Yeah. He's just like, oh yeah, I gotta do something. He's like, it's right. Have you ever done that? Been an umpire?

No. I did one time. Did you really? A lot of pressure. Yeah, well, I mean, too much pressure, man. You have to be a sick person to be an umpire. Who did you umpire for? It was just like a softball game.

Yeah. Like a slow toss softball game and I pushed out. Having to make that call, that life or death call, I don't know if sports were just drilled into me too much as a kid. So I just started having these panic attacks. I don't know, am I ready to have yell at somebody if that was actually a ball or a strike? I don't think so.

So I just kind of like went with the crowd. Well, but, but, uh, but slow pitch, it's got to hit that part of the, they put the little thing, they put the little extra thing in front of the whole plate, right? On home plate. So if it hits the plate or it hits that thing, that's a strike. Or if they swing and miss it, isn't that the only, because otherwise, I was on a qualify. I think that's slow pitch. You were certainly, you were on qualified. It wasn't slash ball. I'm qualified to judge slash ball.

Yeah. Keg is not empty. That keg has a half a beer in it. You hit that keg again, sir. That's true. All right, what do we got this week? We've got, it's a, it's a, it's gun week. It's gun week, man.

It's gun week. It's gun week. Gun week is week man, it's gun week. It's gun week. Gun week is like shark week, but for adults. It's gun week, man. Gun week, baby. Gun week, gun week, gun week. Everybody learn about guns. It's great.

It's a happy time. Guns giving, that's what I'm so thankful that we can talk about guns all week. Oh, bam, this stands, here's a stance for you. Bam. I got a stance for you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Oh, it's exciting times. Shark Shark Week is is shit. It's too bad it turned into shit. It's it's turned into complete shit. Yeah, it has Because it's really hard to get a lot of good footage or good new footage of of good footage or good new footage of sharks as it turns out. So they make these bullshit, you know, they try to fool you into this is, oh, look, there's the, there's the real megalodon out there. It's like they, they, these fake things. Yeah, my car sucks. It sucks. It's my mega car.

Sensationalized everything. They sit there and they, you know, what they do, they dub guys in the cage. It's like, it's not exciting enough to watch a white shark attack something right by a cage with camera men at it So now they go through afterward and they they they it's under the guise of these guys are communicating with the boat underwater They they record all that shit afterwards. Oh my god. He's gonna hit the cage. Oh, they do yeah, and they put the they dropped on it Yeah, fuck yeah, they did all this shit in gotta gotta do now. I got a demon in me today. I got a hangover demon Do you yeah? Yeah, you I got to hang over demon. Do you? Yeah. You know how that hang over demon works? Sometimes he's in your stomach.

Yeah. And then sometimes he goes up into your brain. Yeah. Makes you stupid. Sometimes he goes down south. The hang over demon goes down south and gets in your ass. Stairs it all up. I'm just drawing up a cauldron.

Yeah. He's got his hang over fiddle in there. De-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le. Diary of. Oh, God, yeah. But he's in my stomach right now. That's the safest hangover fiddle in there. Mm'm gonna keep him in my stomach, keep the hangover demon in there. It's gonna week, it's gonna week. We'll get to that in a little bit. First, we gotta talk about the,

isn't it, it's exciting. It's exciting. Terrible tragedy, thoughts and prayers, but it's exciting. We got the live show this Friday, this mother fucking Friday at the satellite, we have our live show. Randy's gonna try to trick Tim Changs into going to it. I've got the models all lined up, Sean.

Yeah. Oh, I wanna play a pin the tail on the Randy game, because nobody knows what Randy looks like. Oh, that's good. So, bring a tail. And if you think you see a Randy, we all know that he's an Asian man. I'm not gonna give you any more clues than that, except he looks like Iron Chef Morimoto, kind of.

Randy's like the, if Randy's like one of those Asian guys who's buff, right? Yeah, I guess. You know? Trying to think what he's like. There's a lot of those guys though. Like that's like a type of Japanese dude. It's like just like a Chad Japanese guy.

Yeah. He's just ripped. Looks great. Yeah. He's not Japanese though. Yeah he is. No, he's not. What is he?

He's great. Don't say something offensive. Forget it. Yeah. I can see a racist joke coming a mile away, Sean. I'm 99% sure he's Korean. Korean? Yeah.

No. Look at his thighs. Oh, Jesus. Look at his legs. Koreans have legs like like like like like like hobbits. They got they got stout legs. Maybe doesn't have no hobbit legs. They do. They're stout. they're strong, they're strength,

they're strengthened in them, their legs. Yeah, yeah. I know, shitty passengers Korean. Oh yeah. Yeah, that girl, when she lifts weights, she pushes the entire earth away from her. She's gonna be there too. shitty passenger's gonna be there too.

Ask her to see your legs. Oh, he's Korean, I know he's Korean. Beautiful, beautiful girl by the way. You know he's Korean. Beautiful. Beautiful girl, by the way. You know he's Korean? Yeah. I will bet you. Shit. I will bet you that he's not Korean.

I will bet. I'll go straight up to his Japanese. Really? Yeah. Okay. I'll take that bet. How much? How much Mr.

Money bags? Well, it is money the best. Or we'll mold each other's cock. Whoever looks, stop cock molding. I've made you 50 bucks. 50 bucks? Yeah. Yeah, but 50 bucks like what?

Oh, you pussy. Never mind. Never mind. You weren't you the one who was always so surprised. You have to apologize. You have to apologize for for misclassifying. Okay. Being so racist that you can't tell. Racism. I can tell that's why I can tell either thighs

Yeah, I can tell by their thighs people are unique. Yeah, you have to pay attention to their uniqueness. Yeah, and yeah Okay, new short new shirts have been ordered. That's exciting. There's gonna be some new shirts of the show Check this out Jim Schmatz has made these keychains. Look at this. They're Sean Keychains. So this dude, Jim Schmatz, the same guy who made the dickles in the Adam Nash shirts printed out Sean Keychains. And they're all misspelled. Yeah. I've got a big old weed leave on him. He three D print on him. He's going to send him a show. I think I'm going to do like it's the city of failure. This is fucking actually really cool. They're cool. Really cool. The theme is failure. So it's going to be who's who is the biggest fucking

failure at the show? I'm going to give these things to. So did you fuck up? Did your marriage fail? Did your job fail? Did you who lost the most money? Yeah. Shut like that. Who's the biggest fucking? You got a story. We'll get you get a keychain. Yeah. Out of it. Yeah. Cool keychain. At least you got something. It is cool. Let's see, regarding the live show, October 13th, this was posted. Asterios is going to be there. Somebody sent a death threat, I guess, about it.

Yeah. Asterios is arch nemesis in the Reddit said regarding a stereo's being there. This is not a joke. I low the stereos. Hey, Dick, I know this is going to sound disturbing, but I don't want him at the live show. If I see him there, I'll make sure the two of you regret it for the rest of your lives. This isn't a joke, and this isn't a threat. This is a promise. I can't stand his presence on the show as is. And I know it's wrong to be so demanding. But if he shows up, I will have my revenge. I don't care if it takes 10, 20, or even 30 years.

Or even 30 years. Your move. Yeah. I don't know what that means. I guess we got a, I guess a little Pope mobile for stereos. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So there you go.

That'll be interesting. What do you have to do if you're wrong about Randy? I got to apologize. I see you. We're also being racist. Okay. Oh, fine. You never know.

Yeah. It's like Schrodinger's Racist. Yeah. Everybody these days. Yeah. Schrodinger's race. You don't know the cat that you have in the box until you open it if it's racist or not. Yeah.

You open that, you open that box, turns out the cat was racist the whole time. Exactly. That's how quantum racism works. Yeah. Sean. Right. Many men, you win a Nobel prize

in the quantum racism. Got it. And the study of racist physics. All right, that's dead. Let's see, I've got a new segment called Dick Lies. Last week where I offered corrections, last week, I said Socrates, drank hemlock on purpose, but he was forced to drink to hemlock.

That's on me. And- I knew he drank hemlock. I didn't know if he was like, well, fuck you, I'll, you know. I thought he'd do that too, but I guess not. This seems like the whole thing is kind of a fuck you. Well, he was basically, he was sentenced to death

for basically like corrupting the youth, right? By getting them to think. I mean, that was the long and the short of it. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see, I gotta apologize for interrupting Peach too much. That's my bad. Really?

I mean, that's what people were saying. But holy shit, I have not talked to anybody about last week's show without them mentioning Peach revealing her bra size. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Whoa, I can't believe you did that. Oh, yeah. You gotta take her on more roller coasters.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. God, I got it. her on more roller coasters. I got it. That was my 24 hour play and it was kind of amazing. It was amazing. I'm glad you left the silence in there. And I like I was with Diego last night. He was reliving it. And he knew like it was like, where were you when JFK was shot? Where were you when Peach revealed her bra size? Because he was he was recounting verbatim the entire conversation and the silence of it. Well, you have that's that's that's timing. Yeah, I mean, like that's yeah, you can't can't take the hair out of that. It's and you can't take

you can't take a pack. Yeah, information is free. Yeah. Now brought to you by the Dixho. Yeah. Uh, let's see here. And I guess she got attacked by a lesbian after she got home, too. Rough a week for her. Really? Yeah, she came out here, got her neck busted around, then a roller coaster, revealed her bra size, went to the hospital. Like physically attacked by a lesbian? Physically attacked by a lesbian.

She says, the pressing charges when she got home or wherever. I don't know. She's pressing charges against the lesbian. Or pressing something against the lesbian. Wow, is it? You know what I'm talking about, but their charges actually, they are charges. Yeah, yeah.

Uh huh, Jesus. Let's see here. Trademark news. I've got trademark news from the biggest problem in the universe. Really? Yeah, Stephen Birch and I, but a little tiny eye, mostly Stephen Birch,

the trademark attorney, dickhead, filed the motion to whatever, move it along, sir. The, let's show them if you got them. Whatever that's called, wriggling. Hurry up the fuck up. Motion, let's get, let's shit her, get off the pot. You fucking asshole. Maddox failed to do so.

To shit or to shit. To file a notion of shitting, we're getting off the pot. Okay. So we'll see. Seems like the next step is get off the pot then. Yeah. And then we're gonna see what we can do with that trademark, I guess.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Okay. I think that's all for, I think that's all for wrap up stuff. Now we'll talk about the issue that everyone's worried about this week. Cam Newton. Yeah. Did you see that? Uh-huh. Sean, man, when did sports journalists become the most unfun people on the planet? And they're like, they're really, they're really, man, they're really gunning for that title of most unfun group who takes themselves way too fucking seriously, is sports journalists.

You're, you're, you're entire, just just this this fucking stuff for the people who don't know quarterback cam Newton laughed and said female talking about routes In those stupid post-game press conferences, which are the dumbest most embarrassing Spectacles in in sports. Yeah in all of sports. Those stupid after game pressers, like it's every single question they ask is dumb and every Responses dumb. Yeah, every response is dumber than the last and they had all fucking game to think about it and every single time It's the same because how many different ways can you say hey? You lost what is that loud? Did you want to lose today? Yeah. We wanted to lose.

Fuck you. Every single one is always driven me crazy. Like all the commentary around it drives me fucking crazy. So this guy, Cam Newton, who was my quarterback in fantasy, and fantasy. He tries to spice things up. Lapse, laughs, because a girl asked him a question about routes, which is funny because it's,

you know, maybe it's sexist, but when I hear the, when I hear the women's sports announcers asking those questions, it seems about, it seems about as graceful. It's, it's, it's more awkward than people who write erotic, sonic fan fiction and put themselves in the story. It's more awkward than that. Because it's always like way too precise and way too showy. Oh, I love sports. Let me prove it, prove it, prove it. Could you just calm down for a second?

Yeah. Well, he answered, he kind of, it was kind of like an observation. It was like, it's funny to hear female talk about routes. Yeah, it is. Because I think the implication being like, like you've never run one. You know, who, yeah, I don't know.

Who knows what, think what Cam Newton thinks is funny. Yeah, I don't know. I like who, yeah. Who the fuck knows? Like he's like this is serious in any way. Running your fucking routes. You're talking about throwing a football around. So he laughs at her, right?

And suddenly, the sports journalism pool grows more white nights than a fucking Dungeons and Dragons convention. These guys are disgusting, Sean. That you're gonna say a KKK convention. Yeah, there's more white nights in sports journalism than at a KKK rally. Other white nights in KKK?

Yes, are there? There's gotta be. There's wizards and it's like a helix concert. The KKK, right. White nights, wizards, grand dragons, imperial wizards. Uh huh. That's fun. I can walk.

I can walk. That's not gonna lie. I mean, I want to know more about the lore. Okay, sure. Yeah. Anyway. God, it drives me crazy. The chick's on.

Oh, we're gonna, I'm gonna keep doing my jobs, sir. What's your, what's the fuck is your job? This is, you know what I mean? Yeah, well nobody has any kind of sense. Nobody, nobody can let anything go without making it a big deal. It's, it got to all be about them. Well, fucking journalist.

It's always, like, their stories all about them every single time because everyone, everyone is a celebrity these days. Yeah. Everyone has their 15 minutes. Everybody. It's, yeah, it's every single, every single comment to a journalist or to anybody should start with aggressive insults and slams. Why not? You know, you take a question. Yeah, a good question. You stupid bald cute, you stupid asshole, you dumb fucking, you fat fuck, and then answer it. It's the only way to, it's the only way to pull it back. Yeah. To desensitize everybody. Everyone should insult everybody before they ask them a question. Yeah, just to desensitize everybody. Everyone should insult everybody before they ask them a question.

And just to desensitize. Like sir, yes, sir in the military. Yeah. You know, there's only way to avoid this. This shit. They take themselves so seriously though. Yeah. And the standard for, I always say it, but the standard for journalism across the board

has never been lower. You know, people say that. I don't know if you know if it's true. I think it is. I think it is. You think it is? Absolutely. But everybody always thinks that stuff's gotten worse. Well, not necessarily, though. I mean, some things, I think some things have probably improved. But with journalism, it's because I'm a sports reporter. Well, but now it's not doing an important job. Have you seen how poor the editing is and everything

on any just any from, it could be the New York Times? It's all, it's all about just getting the click. Yeah. It's all about just getting the click. And it's back then people, you could hold people responsible more than you than you can now you don't even know if these people are real now any apologize to it too I'm new Apologize for the apologize for laughing. Apologize for saying what we're all fucking saying Go. Yeah, yeah, I can't I can't I can't wait to see for four women

Commentating on Monday night football. Let's see, let's put the fucking view on. Oh, you better watch it, Sean. Why is that funny? Why would that be funny? God. God bless it. Well, if this is bigoted of me, then so be it.

Yeah. But, and I know it's not that somebody who hasn't done it can't be an expert at it. I'm not, I'm not going there because it's, that's always the, I always hate that shit when it's like, well, I've done it and you haven't. Therefor, like I'm right about everything. But it's the, it's kind of the same reason why I only want to watch, I only want to watch the best. Like that's, I don't give a shit about college sports. Yeah. Like

fuck college football. Yeah. Fuck college baseball. Like all that's, I want to watch the best in the world. People talk about, you know, like, right. So and I suspect that the best has been issued for the tits factor. Oh, there's no doubt about that. Come on, give me the fuck in, like, come on. And I think some of them are definite fans and it definitely know the sport. Yeah. But yeah, I don't like that.

But there's always that little bit, there's always that little bit that I don't buy. Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, with some, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Anyway, Cam Newton, there you go. Let's see, talk about Harvey Weenersstein. Can you talk about that?

Yeah, Harvey Weinstein. He's actually a harasser. You know, I was thinking like a Harvey and Bob, they had a, they were, you know, they found it, mirror max. Yeah. And that's the two, they had a, they were just, Sean, these powerful men in entertainment

are abusing their position to ask women to watch them challenge. I remember when Shakespeare and Love won the, when the, you know, the offset for, you know, over-private Ryan for Shakespeare and Love won Best Picture that year. And Harvey Weinstein was up on stage with the biggest Coke booger I've ever seen in my life. You could Google it.

I'm sure you can YouTube it. It's fucking hysterical. That's fucking, it's those two, man. Yeah, I was really, like I was thinking about it. I was taking the standard position of like standard position of the, of, of male privilege, which is, yeah, well, then, you know, don't go, don't go to his hotel room, you know, don't respond to him, et cetera. What guys, what guys think? I don't know the specifics of any of those cases, or they're like eight of them or something like that,

or it's probably every, yeah, there's a thousand. Yeah, because what the fuck, what else is he gonna do? Yeah, right? He was, I mean, mirror max, the king of the world. In the late 90s was the shit. I mean, they were, they put out some big, big films. And I realized that it happened to me. What's that? This dude, I think that this dude tried to pull the same thing with me, that Harvey Weinstein tried

to pull with people. Oh yeah. Like I was in a, this is a fucking weird story that made me think of it. I was just tinkering around in a coffee shop, you know, in LA being a real fucking douchebag with skinny pants, asking guys about their dogs, stuff like that,

talking about gluten, stuff like that. Yeah. My computer, and this dude that. Yeah. On my computer. And this dude was striking up a conversation with me that was really, it was a weird conversation, man. And he was talking about how he was a producer. Yeah, that's what I said. And he's like, oh, let me get your phone number

and I'll invite you to these parties. It'll be great. This was like, I haven't known anything about you. No. Yeah. No. It was fucking weird. It's like, yeah, okay.

I went home, I was dating Girl Sinus. Yeah. Is this like, is this weird? Is this what I think it is? Yeah. Just like, yeah. Yeah, definitely. So you know how to do that?

Well, I didn't text him back. Oh, that was it. Yeah, that was fucking it It tries it tries me nuts when we're talking about like Peach saying how she goes without compliments for a year and it's the end of the world And then there's a hundred guys on the side going have I've been married for 13 years. I may have been complimented twice Mm-hmm Like that's what that's the amount that's the amount of attention on the side going have I've been married for 13 years I've maybe been complimented twice. Like that's what that's the amount that's the amount of attention we're used to. Guys are used to right yeah. But then you got these these actresses and women and it's probably in every job where they're playing a constant game of knocking dicks out of the way. Literal dicks.

Like hey great reports great TPS reports. You wanna see a little Dix action on top of this? But it gets them in the door. Every time it gets them in the door. Not every time. But every time it happens, like all these chicks that came out say the same thing while I didn't wanna mess up didn't want to mess up my job

Yeah, yeah It's weird We're bought weird ball of twine to unwind weird ball of Christmas lights to unwind I guess yeah I don't know if everybody's being honest about all right Let's see we got a debate about gif versus gif. Let's talk about guns. I always say gif But then it didn't I I know. I know. The creator says shit. It's fucking jiff. Because if you say gif, it makes it sound like you have a cock in your throat. Is that right? Yeah, that's what he said. Oh, creator. That's all right. So it's gif because gif sounds like you have a dick in your throat. Well, that's, that's,

that's that's presumptuous. I'm bigoted. Yeah. Let's talk about, let's talk about these guns. Could be something else in your throat. I had. I knew a couple people who were there. Where? Front stage. Vegas. In Vegas, dude, with their kids. Wow. So I pretty much deserve all the sympathy of that.

Oh, man, yeah. If we're talking about competitive griefing, which we always are and only are. I know. I'm like, I'm this. It's really, it's pretty sick. I'm right there, man. The people who experienced the tragedy,

they're on the top of the pyramid, me knowing them. Oh, right next to it. Yeah. You see that on Facebook this week? People who subtly throw in, oh, this reminds me of when I knew somebody who was in a shooting of like, I was like, oh, can you just calm down? So glad I stay away from Facebook.

That's terrible. It happens in real life too though. It does. It does. Yeah. Like I would see all week I've seen this person, this chick who I went to high school with, went to the, I saw her at the reunion. Yeah.

Talking about being at the concert, front stage center with her daughter, shots start ringing out. She get a guy next to them gets shot in the chest. Wow. She gets guys to pile on her daughter. Yeah. So she can pull drag the guy out and perform CPR on him. Yeah. He doesn't

make it. No. Runs, she runs back into grab her daughter and get out of there. And it's like the way it's like being, it's like being described literally what's happening. Just like, yep, and this is what happened. So, you know, great, glad to be out of there. Right above it. Right seems totally normal. Right above it is somebody screeching about silencers. About how important it is that we ban silencers in California. Just equally, equally sized screaming scream about how big of a fucking problem it is. That these silencers are legal,

because otherwise the death cow could have been in the millions. Otherwise it's like a ninja. Otherwise there's these silent automatic bullets flying around magically in the air like in Guardians of the Galaxy knocking people out. That's the world that this person sees. Meanwhile, someone who's actually there,

can I was fucked? Yeah, try to perform CP arms, dude. He died. That was it. Got my daughter out of a pile of guys, drag her out. Everybody's a celebrity. Everybody's opinion is equal. So I got some disgusting.

I got some stats. And I don't know the whole the whole thing kind of makes me rage from both sides of the gun. Shit for gun week. The whole the both gun week. We're doing this. We're doing gun week. Yeah, it's gun week, man. As soon as it as soon as it happens, you don't even wait for the you don't wait for the second report to come in. It is gun week is a fucking on. Let's go. Everybody go right now. There's the people who say it's too soon and you're fucked for capitalizing on it. That's bullshit because every time a terrorist attack happens, the other side is out there

day one. Boom, we got a stop immigration, stop Muslim immigration. I says it's a death call like, that's how that's fucking bullshit. The other side is saying, well, well, just, we just gotta, gotta, it's a gun problem. It's a massive fuck, massive, massive fucking gun problem in America. Massive, it's a massive gun problem.

Well, I mean, is it, do we have a lottery winner problem too? Cause it's pretty much what you're talking about. Do you go around in constant fear of winning the lottery as in being in a mass shooting? Because it's about the fucking same. How many mega millions are there every year? About two or three? Is it?

How many of these fucking atrocities are there? About two or three? Yeah, I don't even know if there's two or three like mass shootings. Well, I mean, I don't think there's two or three. You know what's fucked? It's like they say it's just if three or more people get killed, then it's a mass shooting. They're like, oh, there's hundreds a year.

Like, no, there isn't. No, there's not. There's just a couple of these every year because you can't stop this crazy fucking, you can't stop these crazy motherfuckers. That's the problem. You can't, oh, here comes, here comes, here comes more lies.

Oh, you know, it's no problem is mental health issues. Oh, here comes the reason, here comes more lies. Oh, you know what's no problem is mental health issues. Oh, really? Why don't you just solve stripping while you're at it? Well, you build a magical mental health cure for crazy people who don't like getting cured. Well, let's see this fucking system. We have to try to make sense of it. Like, and that's the thing, and it's just, gotta be fixed. We have to try to make sense of it. Like, and that's the thing. It's just, gotta be fixed.

We gotta, we gotta fix this now. Hey, one out of eight kids goes to bed hungry every night. Where are you on that one? I got shit to do. Yeah, no, it's a, yeah, they're trying to make sense of things and it's because people don't wanna admit that there is a lot less, there's a lot. So many things are just out of your control it's drives me fucking crazy

and then you get every article i read every journal every article i read is written by someone who'd like has who has has not looked into what is even a gun at all i got automatic rounds that are totally legal we got a problem with with with, with, with, with, oh, wait, wait, wait, what's an automatic round? It's nothing.

That's what I mean. It's fucking nothing. It's like, yeah, man, look, uh, uh, if you have, if you have a gun at all, you can turn it into an automatic gun. It's not that fucking hard. Well, I know, it's just doing, it's just pulling your, it's just making a device that pulls your fucking finger very quickly.

Uh, yeah. Like what are you talking about? No more automatic. What's the point of that? Well, that's what even the NRAs like, we've got to look at that. Yeah, sure. Go look at, go look at that.

Yeah, what do they call the ones with the trigger? I know like the bump stop stock. Well, that, no, that uses the recoil. There's a crank trigger. There's a lot of, yeah, yeah, the crank trigger and stuff like that. But it's like, what's interesting is like how expensive, like rounds are. There's yes.

Like a bucket piece. No, that's what I mean. So if you got something like, are people just, it kind of, it puzzles me why people even kind of want those? Want what? Want like a bump stock or a, because it's fun. Or I guess, I guess because it's fun, because it's fun, but you got it.

Like, do you want to shoot like you want to shoot like 600 rounds a minute? Yeah. For 600 bucks. Like that's definitely part of me not shooting sometimes. Like I don't really feel like dropping 50 bucks, shooting my 357 Magnum at like a bunch of steel targets 20 feet away. I could do other shit today.

Yeah. I know. It's expensive. People don't even think about that. Or it's like, well, then you got the, oh, if you're hobby, really worth all these deaths. Like, yeah, all of our, all of our collective, you're telling me that if you had a button in traffic,

if everybody's car had a button in it that would just murder evaporate everybody in gridlock in front of them, that motherfuckers wouldn't be pushing that button every fucking day. Yes, a lot of shit, when people say, my cold dead hands are not gonna have their dead hands. Fuck everybody else's hands. That's a significant step below my dead hands.

What's your hobby really worth? And then you get on the other side. Oh, guns are about self-defense. What the, what? Are you think the founding fathers wrote the constitution and then the first thing, the second thing they thought of was, well, in case we get rolled, we need to be able to pack. Absolutely not.

Absolutely not, you fucking idiots. Oh, fuck out of self-defense. Like what are you trying to, uh... in case we get rolled we need to be able to pack absolutely not absolutely not you fucking idiots no fuck out self defense like what are you trying to what are you trying to rationalize it no it's purely symbolic is purely symbolic as a defense against tyranny that's it yeah stop saying it's about self every fucking time stop saying it's about self defense that's right it's not yeah just like the first amendment. It's a symbolic speech against the government, keeping everybody above them, because collectively we're smarter and we have better morals than the people in charge.

We always will. And the same with the second, we should always be more powerful, or we should get fucking Venezuela. That's what happens, you take guns away. Two years later, all the oil in the world, can't fucking eat. Is it not afraid anymore?

Because they should always be afraid. That's the point. Yeah, yeah. It's not about getting your fucking wife's jewelry stolen. No. It's not about being the marine Rambo in your home. It's so funny. Oh, I got to have a self-defense.

I got to have these guns for self-defense. No, you fucking don't, you idiot. Yeah. Oh, I got to have myself defend. So I got to have these guns for self defense. No, you fucking don't, you idiot. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do work for self defense, though. They do. Millions. Millions of times every year, of course they do,

but that's not the reason to stop saying it. Right. How do you stop it? Well, we can't stop it. But America has a gun problem. I don't think so. I grew up in America. You know how many times I've been worried about getting

gun violence? Zero times. Well, but where you grew up is different than where other people grew up too. Not really. You know, you know, 5% of the counties in America are responsible for like 70% of the murders.

Oh, yeah. Sounds like we got a 5% of America problem, not an America problem. Yeah, well, okay, sure. Yeah. Oh, America has so much more gun deaths than the rest of the world. Yeah, we got a lot more prisoners too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Seven times the amount of prisoners in the US isn't anywhere else. Have a France, England, it's about seven, five, five, yeah. Seven times the amount of prisoners in the US isn't anywhere else. Have a France, England, it's about seven, five, five, seven. I've looked at it, I looked it up, I got a stats for you, I looked it up. So what are you fucking, it's like, yeah man, we've got, if you had, well America, yeah. That's what criminals do.

It's not weighted equally. It's not weighted equally at all. And that's it, but it's like crime problem. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Whatever reason. Yeah. For whatever reason.

Mm-hmm. Got a big fucking crime. If you had, if you had two chicks, and if I had two chicks over here, and you had one chick, that's a two to one chick ratio, right? Yeah. But the blow job ratio is probably a fuck load higher. You know what I'm saying? The getting nagged ratio is probably a fuck load higher too.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Prisoner ratio is the same. That's what they're doing. Making committing a lot of crimes. Stravy, the dishonesty on both sides has been driving me insane. Yeah. This gun week. Yeah, yeah.

Because I'm trying to understand it. Yeah. I'm really trying to understand it. But then I think none of you fuck, none of you are actually experiencing this problem. Like what? What, you grew up with, Coach grew up with God, dude. The one of the first times coach came over to our house when you and I lived together up in Valencia. Yeah. We were, God, we were 23, something like that. Coach comes up,

and he's looking around and goes, oh, you don't have bars on the windows. I'm like, no, man. Yeah. Valencia. No, that was a fun. He's talking about. And he goes, Oh, what do you do about, what do you do about lurkers or creepers? What do you do about creepers? I said, what the, what is a creeper? Is that like a Gremlin? What are you talking about? What's a creeper? He goes, you know, guys that come up on your, on your house and look in your window. I'm, and I said, I don't know what you're talking about, dude. I've never experienced that,

because I didn't grow up in like a shitty neighborhood, like most, like almost all of the fucking country doesn't grow up in a shitty neighborhood. Yeah. Very different problems. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's like you said, it's the, it's what, five or seven percent or whatever they do. Let me get this. It's like you said, it's the, it's what, five or seven percent

or whatever. Let me see. Let me get this really shitty neighborhood. 68% of murders happen in five percent of counties. 70% of counties have had, have had zero murders in 20 years. Yeah. 70% of a lot. Yeah. Oh, sure. That's a lot. Yeah, but you know, obviously the probably the, the dangerous counties are the larger ones. I mean, I don't, I don't know. I would think. I mean, if it's, you know, you're talking about like cities, stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Los Angeles County has, you know, has a good amount of murder. What is the fun? Chicago's got a shit load. Oh, well, well, so in Chicago, yeah, but aren't there, does the United States have something has a good amount of murder. What is the fun? How many are there? Chicago's got a shit load. Oh, well, it's in Chicago. Yeah, but aren't there, does the United States have something like, it's like, it's under 3000 murders a year, isn't it?

I looked that up too. It's about, it's hovers around 10,000. Oh, it's that high. Yeah, if you take out suicides. Because then they throw in suicides at every single point. Well, how did it go? It's about like 10,000 gun homicides a year. Gun deaths or gun homicides?

Gun homicides. Deaths is about 30. Like when you throw suicides in there, it goes way high. Okay, we'll forget suicides. Yeah, yeah, because no effect. Yeah, people want out, they want out. Well, I think people also, I think people also, well, they lump in, if you've got 10,000 gun deaths or homicides, isn't it kind of like kidnappings?

Like it's usually people you know. You usually kill someone you know. Yeah. So it's a lot different illegal shit with them. Well, but it's a lot, but it's a lot different than the typical gun homicide. I would think is a lot different than a random mass shooting. Well, here's the other thing too that I found. The gun homicides are split about 50-50

between white and black. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how to say those are probably two different types of homicides. Yeah. Like just looking at everything, looking at the prison population, like looking at the extreme poverty in the inner cities, those are definitely two different types of homicides,

probably. So what the fuck are we talking about? Baning silencers and bump stocks, talking about self-defense. Give me a fuck, this is the, that's, these are the fucking issues. It's an issue for 5% of the country, not all of it. Yeah.

Yeah. There was one other thing that annoyed me about it. Oh yeah, the point of it, right? The point of having, I wanna speak for myself. Mm-hmm. I get that it's, people want to solve something, but I haven't read one, I haven't read one thing that approaches like a plausible solution.

Oh, I believe that. Like, okay, let's hear it. Yeah, what do you want? What do you want to do? Does it have to do with like, make addressing it like a crime problem and not a gun problem? Because if you it like a crime problem and not a gun problem? Because if you call it a crime problem, everyone will work together, everyone. Yeah.

You can't be nobody wants to, nobody wants more crime. Yeah. Just call it now, but it's got to be a gun problem. Yeah. Well, congratulations. Now 50% of the country would rather die than help you. Well, that's the way to go. You fucking idiot. It becomes very partisan. It's right away. It can't just just just just give into that. Like just give that one little, that one little branding mistake. Yeah.

It's still a crime, right? So just call it death for the sake of fucking fixing it. Yeah. Yeah. We're so fucking spoiled in this country. Ah. It's interesting that you say, nobody really puts forth a solution.

They just kind of, it's just like, now I have an excuse to really shout about kind of what I've always believed or. Based on whatever information, some good, some bad, what's interesting. Mostly inapplicable. I call Australia band guns. Yeah, they got a giant,

they got a big fucking moat around them, preventing any new guns from coming in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And all it did was raise the purchase price by like a magnitude of six. Like it's just more expensive because of the black market. Yeah.

Well, you can always get shit. Always. Well, that's the thing. And that's what I said. And you build it in your garage. Well, or 3D printed. Well, and here's the thing. And that's what I said. And you build it in your garage. Well, or 3D printed. Well, and here's the thing. You get into like, okay, bump stocks.

Like now, of course, those things because they're, you know, the people are planning on them becoming illegal. So I should load of them. Well, that's exactly what people have done. Yeah. So now, or just make them. Like, that's what the one thing I don't get is, like, you can make any of this.

Yeah. You can make any of this. Yeah. You can make any of this. Yeah. Well, 3D printers. Now it's even going to be, you know, yeah. But it's so the whole black market, you've got to have somebody who goes, we've got to buy this stuff. Do you buy it back at fair market value?

Because that's when they turn in, you know, there's been these guybacks. Oh, those buybacks. Well, yeah, the buybacks, but it's never been fair market value. It's like, I'll give you 50 bucks, but the kid next door goes, we'll steal other people's shit to sell it back. Yeah, but the kid next door goes, oh, what are you gonna do with that?

I was gonna turn it in for, oh, I'll give you 200 bucks for that. You can do that. Yeah. Or if you don't give it to me, I'll kick your ass and take it. There's, and in 5% of the counties, that happens. Yeah. I'm just, I of the counties that happens. Yeah.

I'm just, I resent the idea that it's like a whole, that it's America's gun problem. It's like, no, it's, it's, yeah, we have a, we have a fucking enormous prison problem, yeah, which I would guess is a crime problem. Yeah. And then we have a very, we have a very small amount of counties that have a problem with guns. Yeah. No, I know what you mean. I actually like that, that you differentiated it like that because it's, we do tend to think like America has, it's like most of America is incredibly safe.

Yeah, we've got a polar bear problem in America too. Is Alaska full of polar bears? Yeah. We've got a huge drought in America. No, just LA, just Southern California seems big to us, but it's not. Yeah, it's, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and here's the thing using, using, using absolute numbers always looks bad for a huge country with a, with a huge population. Yeah. Where it's like, yeah, but what, what, what about things, you know, per capita? Yeah, I have all those stats.

No, I know. I looked it up one time where it's like, what are the most, what are the violent crime? What's the murder rate? Do you want to hear them? I wrote them all down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so gun violence per 100,000, US is 3.6, France is 0.21. Okay.

UK is 0.06. Okay. Australia is 0.1. So what is that? So we're, yeah. It's like 30 times, 20 times, 20 to 30 times. Yeah. Some of these cases. Yeah. Yeah. But the incarceration rates are were 700 per 100,000. France is 100. UK is 140. Australia is one. So that's about five to seven times. Wait, wait, wait, that's prisoners. What is ours? 700. 700,000. Yeah, so it's about, so we're at about a five X on that.

Okay. Gun homicides are about, let's say 20 X. I mean, that's not a big, that's not a big stretch to think that a criminal commits for fucking shootings. Because it's, that's what they're doing, you know? Like if you have one chick and I have two chicks, I'm doing a lot more banging over here. Well, I'm losing the correlation. What's the prison?

What? 5x. Yeah, it says 5x. What does the prison have to do with the gun homicides? Because that's what they do. That's how, like, if you have that much more prisoners, wouldn't it stand to reason that they're committing a shit going on in the crime? Oh, yeah, and they're in prison for that reason.

Or something, like you've got more, that is a crime, certainly. Those crimes are any, like, black market or illegal activity is eventually going to involve guns. Um, does that not compute with you? I mean, does that, I don't know. I mean, I think there's more variables to it than that, but, but, um, that might be an oversimplification. What about, certainly, what about you get in the for profit prison systems and things like that?

Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, I, but it I, but the other countries I assume have that too. I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know. It's interesting. I don't know. All I really know is that everything I do is illegal already.

Yeah. Everything, man, the what I, what I talk about, what I do in my own fucking house, the guns that I want, and may fucking own, it's all illegal. The things that I say, the things that regular guys think and say would get you fucking sued in the office, in a normal office place.

If you don't constantly watch what you think and say you're gonna get fucking sued, it's possible. Oh yeah? It's possible. You could. it's possible. Oh yeah? It's possible. You could. It's illegal.

All the drugs you wanna do on your own, fucking illegal. Everything that I do is already illegal. So yeah, so yeah, I take it, so it's a bit personal when people start saying, well, better give up those guns for any reasons. Like motherfucker, I'm already breaking the law. Already, I need this shit. Like you're afraid of people getting shot up,

I'm afraid of just being me. Because that deserves to go to fucking jail. Like, that's my point. I get it, I get that everybody's afraid and wants to help, but a lot of us are also afraid of just existing. Yeah. How'd Star Wars go if they had blaster control?

Right? Blaster control? Yeah. What's Blaster control? You know, the guns that they got in Star Wars. Oh, oh, shit. That's the best philosophy. I'm thinking of like dialing

it down like, I'm thinking lethal versus non-lethal. No, like a blaster control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As soon as they start building that death star, man, that's when they start taking the guns. Yeah. Yeah. Be a real easy, be a real short movie. Yeah. If the empire had enacted gun control, and those prequels, the originals wouldn't exist. How about that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And some shit about it.

I was gonna call it Care Bears' Thairs, because they basically have built in guns, right? Care Bears? Yeah. Distracted driving kills 3,000 people a year, by the way. Is that right? Yeah. Close.

Close the guns. Yeah, it's three to 10 or whatever. Yeah that right? Yeah. Close. Close the guns. Yeah. Is three to ten or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. It's close. Yeah. All right. Let's see here. Save State corrupted made a theme song for Bill Guy, the science dude. Oh, man. Here. He's my favorite. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's my favorite person. He's if you want me to kind of give you the basic idea about any scientific principles, that's what I do. Just give you the idea. Nice. You know, yeah, it's not going to be completely right. No, that's okay.

It will be full of analogies. It's just a conversation starter. Yeah. Bill, Bill a guy. The science dude. That's what I do will be full of analogies. It's just a conversation starter. Yeah. Bill, Bill a guy. The science dude. That's what I do. That's what I do. You got any, you need to know how I think something works?

Ask. Yeah. I'm not gonna bullshit you with a bunch of credentials. Yeah. Just gonna shoot straight. I'm the straight shooting. Science dude. Yeah.

You know? Look it up. But I'll give you a, I'm'll give you my functioning, my functional knowledge on what I think it's gonna say. Yeah, look it up or down, I like it. Maybe it makes sense to you. Yeah, maybe not. Uh huh, not my problem.

Nope, just be a guy. Science dude, just a dude, just a, who loves science. Like Brian, Brian Fellows from SNL. Yeah, the dude parts first. Not an accredited zoologist. Yeah, just a dude. Just a dude who loves animals. I don't love science.

But I've got common sense. Yeah, that's right. Oh, that's what Bill, that's what Bill guys all about. Common sense. Yeah, common sense science. Common sense science. Common sense science. Science for the working man.

Oh man, I saw a lot of common sense shit. Yeah. Gun weeks full of common sense. Oh no. Common sense Sean. Yeah, we've got some common sense. Uh huh. Yeah, but like, I don't know, governments have been responsible for killing like 80 million

people in the last 50 years. There's a common sense there. More. Is it more? Oh, in the last 50 years. Yeah's a common sense there. More. Is it more? Oh, in the last 50 years? Yeah. That could be about right. Yeah.

Go back to the last, like, Russia, China. No, no, before you go back to 70 years and you're probably well over 100 million. Yeah, I don't. It wasn't like 50 million people died under Stalin. Those guys aren't any different than us. Like, they're just on the other side of the Earth. And they use the same thinking that we do to get to the decisions that they reached.

So maybe it's good to have a safeguard there. Oh, I know another thing that's been pissing me off. The argument of the founding fathers didn't, couldn't imagine automatic weapons when they wrote it. Oh, they didn't have automatic weapons like I mean, I have I know what Star Wars looks like like I can I can imagine a scenario where We have a warp drive that gets us to Mars in like five minutes and then a bunch of terrorists with box cutters

Get bored the spaceship and start killing people so that the pilots won't turn off the brakes and the warp ship, the warp drive crashes straight through the fucking earth. And we lose the entire northern hemisphere. How's that for a fucking imagination? Like, I got a man. Secondly, they did. There was a, there was a full on automatic repeating air rifle. It's called, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you didn't know this? No, I knew that the first time that automatic weapons,

or like I think Gatlin guns anyway were, you know, with a crank, right? We used in the Civil War. No, okay. Thomas Jefferson bought two. Yeah. It was called the Gerar, Gerara Blard. The Gerara Blard.

Interesting. Automatic rifle, I'm trying to, I printed it out. It was an air rifle. Yeah, and you had to pump it up like 1,500 times, but you could shoot 20 rounds a minute or something like that. And it was an automatic, oh yeah. Like the same exact shit, 22 caliber, depressed the trigger and the military weapon

until the air goes out. Yeah, I guess. And so they would, after the hand pumping was, you know, they didn't have shake weight at the time. So it's a lot harder to pump stuff up. Yeah, yeah. They just, they would carry around a cart with them that had like a motorized pumping mechanical device to pump it up. So Thomas Jefferson gave one to Lewis and Clark.

Really? And they would go when they were going across the country to map out all the land, they would go into a big populated area and go, hey, everybody, check out this fucking death machine that we have. Broom, really? Not fuck with us. Yeah.

So the word would get back to like the people who would fuck with them and they would go, I don't know if those guys have like a fucking magic device. Yeah. They have like a, a magic device. Yeah. They have like a machine that just chops trees down. Obviously they, yeah, they pumped it up 1500 times before they walked into the village and said,

don't fuck with it. Oh God, I hope I don't have to shoot anybody because this is gonna hang on. This is gonna take a while. Yeah, but the point is, not only could they imagine them, they, he, Thomas Jefferson fucking owned two of them. Wow, I'd never heard that, that's fascinating. Yeah.

And I bet a lot of people had, because I was shocked when I learned about it. That's fascinating. Did he get them after the Declaration of Independence? Right after, he's gonna know the right of the Constitution. Yeah, and then he went in and tried to scribble it out. Yeah, it's like, oh, people can't have this,

people can't have this shit. Now, God, I don't know, I hope I didn't get too overboard in this, because everybody knows where I'm at. If I can't have a nuke, then second amendment violated. Yeah, no, I can't build a fucking nuke in my garage. That's fucking it, man. That's fucking, just throw me in jail.

Let me see here, that was Bill Guy, the science dude. Let's see here. I've got Eddie the Axe Eddie the axe. My fucking neighbor lets his dog bark wakes us up every morning. This weekend I'm gonna record it, sample it, and sit out back drunk playing songs with the dog barking sample as loudly as I can. Nice. That is nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's the only fix for it. Yeah. That and the debarking thing. People are they think debarking is cruel, but I mean there's nothing else you can do if somebody's not gonna take it's only if somebody's not gonna take care of their dog

Well, that's the thing then they can't tell they can't tell anyway. I mean fucked either way Free hot dogs says I don't think I've ever gotten a random compliment from a stranger. Ha ha. Stephen Rowley, I don't think I've ever gotten a compliment from a stranger. Lowl. Ryan Rendon, I'm a 28 year old man and I've never had a woman approach me compliment me. It's hilarious how blind peaches to her dot dot dot privilege. Lowl.

A lot of these comments about compliments ending lowl. Yeah. Or law. As they fall. Sorry. Phony Law in low. Yeah. Or law. Law. Sorry. Phony laws, I think. Phony. Yeah. If the ultimate expression of defeat, law,

yeah. Well, dude, um, did you hear any of this shit with screen junk? He's going on. No. So you know, Joe star screen junk. He's got sure. Yeah, he's, he does like honest trailers over there.

Uh, um, and maybe I could have him back in to talk about this. No. So you know Joe Star, screen junkie's got. Sure. He does like honest trailers over there. Uh huh. And maybe I could have him back in to talk about this. He should have him back in. He's a good guest. Yeah, he is. He's great. Yeah.

Last time he was in was a gun week. Uh, it was absolutely. It was a good week last time Joe was here. Um, so this guy Andy, signore, like Joe's, I don't know if he's his partner or he just runs the screen junky shit over there. Yeah, like, you know, you know, the kind of stuff they do on his trailers. Yeah sure. Yeah, roast stuff like that. Yeah. They've always, Joe's like the only guy that's let me do shit still. Yeah, yeah. Um, it turns out this guy Andy Signor

was maybe, maybe forced himself on a chick. Like, you know, it's all, it's all just, she said, and nobody said anything. So who knows? But that's what it's looking like. And sure as shit, as soon as the first chick said, he forced himself on me and hears the info, it was like a floodgate of chicks

who've had correspondence with him of him being the biggest creep in the world. Yeah. Like, so much where, to me, it, like, yeah, he looks like a creep, but also that's not, what you're showing us is not illegal, like it's just embarrassing and gross. Yeah.

Like, did he commit, did he, like, do you sell someone or not? Yeah. This shit, I like reading it because it's funny. Yeah. But it isn't illegal. But it's a criminal. Yeah. This is just you morons still talking to this fucking super creep because you want attention. Like, which you mostly are because he's famous. Yeah. Like as soon as he starts being real creepy and like I see their bubble like, which you mostly are, because he's famous. Like, as soon as he starts being real creepy and like, I see their bubble, like, well, this is on you too. Like, you are gross as well for continuing this conversation.

Yeah. Yeah. Not saying the guy isn't maybe a rapist. I don't know. I'm not a fucking judge. I don't know the evidence. Yeah. But anyway, in all of theseages that these chicks are posting this guy loles. He's got a law Every fucking sentence dude. It's so gross and weird. It's like Hey, Law Nice to see you're a fan law. Hope you don't mind some old guy old man messaging you law It's like law law law law. It's so fucking sick, man. So here's a dick tip. I was just kidding.

I was just kidding. I was just kidding. You cannot do not put one law a day. If you're messaging a chick, if you're texting with a chick man, one law, you gotta limit yourself to a one law. Or else, when she posts that, because it's eventually gonna get posted,

because we're all bugging creeps, it's gonna look bad for you. Yeah. Looks bad for this game. Yeah, I mean, he looks like a teenage girl. Yeah, it's terrible. It's sick. It's sick that he's sending this out to turn women on

and to try and bang them. Yeah. So I guess that's a red flag. If you see too many laws from a guy, woo, shut that, shut that shit down. Turn it off. Turn the channel. You know?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You can get, you can talk to another guy. Don't worry about it. Yeah, always another guy will talk to you. Doesn't need to be this jackass throwing laws around. Get automatic law gun. Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, law law law.

It's not that funny. He's not laughing. No, get automatic lull gun. Lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, lull, it's not that funny. He's not laughing. No, don't worry about lying. He's lying. He's a liar. It's L-L-O-L. Lying about laughing out loud. L-A-L-L-L.

He has weird though. I guess he's a bad guy. I see. Lana May, don't worry Peach. I would also suffer if I didn't get random compliments for a year. Positive attention is dope as fuck. Andrew Carroll, your veterinarian listener here. I keep a neutral stance on the cruelty of debarking dogs as your rage about the cruel

day-to-day existence for many dogs was perfect. I like this guy. He's written in probably two or three other times, talking about Larry's dog with a nuts intact. He said that was bad, right? Leaving the nuts on. Yeah, I mean, the I think there are more prone to certain types of cancer and stuff like that. And his point too was that there's other organs. I don't know if it's, you also make testosterone in, is it your thyroid? Maybe on you.

You use that joke last time. I recall. Many people are only around their dogs for a handful of hours a day and when home are too tired or busy to allow dogs to vent their energy. I've also seen people virtue signal about their efforts to save or rescue animals, but end up hoarding more animals than they can pay attention to or every. Yeah.

Well, no, I think he's, well, he's agreeing with your point that like a lot of dogs lives are miserable, miserable, miserable, miserable. Because they're not getting the attention that they need and the stimulation that they need. And then they just get screamed at when they bark. So you're already torturing them, just fucking take the barking out if you're that kind of person. Like if they're in the apartment all day and you've ever had one complaint, it's funny what we fucking do it. What we pick and choose to see as you're already bad. You are all in which nothing wrong with being a bad guy. Yeah, we all do it. You are all in which nothing wrong with being a bad guy. Yeah. We all do it. It adds to a big Patreon sometimes. Yes. Yeah. But just embrace it. Go all the way with it.

Yeah, he talks about, he talks about a little bit more. Let's see here. Kai from New Zealand. Uh-huh. Hey, longtime listener never rode in before. Just listening to episode 69 and I 100% agree with removing the national anthem before an American sport No sport unless it's an international game has the national anthem Being played before it in New Zealand. New Zealand. Why does this only happen in America? Our Americans heads so far up the ass of patriotism that they can't enjoy a game. If you have, oh, this mother, now we should play it twice. Fuck you. Play that shit, put it on repeat.

I like how he asked that as a question. Our American's head so far up the ass of patriotism. Yeah, do you really need to, do you really need to fucking, do you really need to ask that? We have, we have on our money that God supports it. I know. All right, this is how important we think we are. I know.

Uh, where's your money get value? The Lord? Yeah. You got a problem with that? Yeah. Go ahead. Who's man enough to tell me to take God off my money? Yeah.

Anybody? Any of you, Pussies? When did we start putting it on there? God. When we went off the, when we went off the gold reserve, I'm joking. No, but no, but I don't know. Yeah, but I hope that's funny actually. Yeah.

Yeah, that's when God became the backer of our currency. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see here. As someone watching NFL and MLB in New Zealand, it's something I wish I could skip and it's something that we all make fun of. How patriotic, oh, you bastard.

Are that you have to mention America or sing the anthem at any chance you get. You better fucking watch it, man. We're not gonna protect you from King John Newton. Don't worry. And you'll see who's standing for the national anthem. You kiwi fuck. Especially when Wheel of Fortune comes on the TV And you'll see who's then you'll see who's standing for the national anthem you key we fuck especially when wheel of fortune comes on the TV and America's game

They should play the national anthem before we'll be a fortune. What's the difference? Yeah You know, yeah what Pat say Jack needs all that money for he can't knock off one commercial to play the national anthem during his fucking America's game Yeah, we're all the contestants have to stay on there with their hands over their hearts on front of the wheel Yeah, and then like a guy kneels and you could see his little head sticking up above the money counting thing That's good TV Sean They should. Not jeopardy though. I don't see Alex.

Alex Trebek will make a mockery of it. Yeah. That's smug. Smug mother fucker. I know. Fucking asshole. Also, I don't care if you read this on air. Okay.

Fuck you. I don't care if you read this on air. Sheep dude says, Shun for a year. I'm 28. Average looking guy, and I haven't had any friends since high school. Never had a girl approach me. Never had a girl agree to date.

Entirely a ghost. No one would care if I died. Even though I interact with hundreds of people at work every day, I can't believe this shit I'm hearing about being deprived of cat calling. No one would care. Nobody would care if I died. I don't care.

It's the fucking most depressing letter I've ever heard. Yeah, it's true. It's fucking true. As a madman was all about... Elmerton. Peach got a little too much sun one day. And this guy's in the fucking, like third degree burn ward and at like a tent.

You know, it's like we live there. Perfect. Sometimes I don't get, I don't get attention for a half time. Like I look in the mirror and I'm like, is this, am I just imagining that's what I look like? Do I look like anything? Am I even real?

Yeah, I don't, yeah. I don't know, I turned into like a slender man. Elmertron, in relation to the erotic story, I'm a cop and I definitely would have said, fuck this. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I had no problem believing that part. Because they weren't doing anything.

It was like, what was he gonna, if he felt like, you know, it's like, oh, there's probably some blood in here or something. I don't know, maybe bust him. And it's like, as soon as there's just fucking shit all over the back seat, there's no way. I fucked this. See, we got some dope spoons from Denmark.

Oh, man, Sean, I'm a hot glue that fuck out of these spoons. You know what I'm talking about, Stockholm. You know what hot glueing is? Hot glueing? Well, I know, yeah, but you recorded it in the usual all getting it. You know what I'm talking about, Stockholm. Yeah. You know what hot gluing is? Hot gluing? Yeah. Well, I know, yeah, I've been recording in the Juicy All Over It. That's what they call it.

That's the slang for, for knocking one out over on something. Denmark, Sweden. I think this is, oh, this is a really beautiful spoon. I think this is, this is also Denmark. I got a couple more here. I got a really sick ass bottle of whiskey. Look at him, Elso. I think it's Elso.

So I don't wanna read his real name in case he wants to be be a secret, secret agent man about it. This whiskey so, or this rum is so fucking good. Rabbit rum, John Emerald. John Emerald, Gene Spice flavored rum. Where's it from? We got shit faced on that. Alabama, sugar cane syrup.

Oh, they make it here. Peacons and spices from Ovalika, Alabama. Good ass rum. Let's see. We got some wedding invitations. Really? Tabitha, Bor and George Nathan, Talb, Saturday, November 4th in Wisconsin.

Do you want to go to that? November 4th. What do you got in the invitations of their wedding? That would be a kick, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would. That would be funny. I've been kicked out of a wedding. I want to remind these people of that and I would be endeavoring to add another notch to that. Yeah. Yeah. Think about it. Number fourth. Bro,

oh, here this one's for you. Maybe they wrote something special for you. Really? Yeah. I don't know open it later or open it now. Uh, I'll show up in a later and open it next week. Yeah, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, It's like it's been, here in your spite invites to my wedding, if you two show up with guests, of course, I will drop two friends off my guest list. Oh, this is the same, Green Bay, this is the same from the same person? Yeah, that's yours.

He sent us both. Oh, what are they gonna lump us together? I don't know. I don't know how these things work. Oh yeah, see, I got one too. All right, that's enough presents for today. There's gotta be a better way to sell the gun control, our side to everybody.

Like Harry Potter, no wand control. Imagine Harry Potter if there was magic control. They, wait a minute. And Harry Potter didn't, like Voldemort's first thing was getting the ministry of magic and then using that power over all the wizards. I don't know. I think it was. Yeah.

It's like the first thing he did. Without that fucking wand, Harry Potter would just have been killed. I couldn't tell you. We need a, it's a three pronged attack that we need. Yeah. Um, Holy fuck, I think I just solved everything. Harry Potter. Again.

What would, yeah, what would Harry Potter be with gun control? Okay. Dead Harry Potter. Oh. Dead Ron. Yeah. Dead Hermione. Yeah.

Dead, uh, dead Hagrid. Dead everybody. Dead everybody. Dead Hagrid Dead everybody dead everybody dead everybody. Mm-hmm. What would star wars be Without there wouldn't be star wars with gun control. Mm-hmm. Because they need those blasters man They need them. Yeah, there's no rebellion without the blasters, right? Because they go they come at you and you go pew pew pew You're saying gun control is in all or nothing, like no guns or guns. Well, look, you know what, you can have, take the automatic weapons because I could just make one.

Like it's the, it's the fucking barrel and the trigger mechanism that I can't easily make. Making a crank like a fucking jack in the box to go plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, over and over, I could do that. Yeah. It's not a big deal. Yeah.

And what's the, and the care bears, gotta have that 80s nostalgia. Right. If the care bears had care, care bear stair control, care a lot would burn to the fucking ground. Yeah. Yeah. Who's that wizard that was always fucking with the Care Bears? I don't know. It was a wizard.

It was also Voldemort. It was Voldemort. Yeah, he was fucking with them too. He got around. Yeah. Dead. Every kid. Imagine all the Care Bears dead.

Yeah. That's gun control. Right. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. That might have been insensitive. This is a birthday cake from the next biggie thing. Wow. His girlfriend made it. Isn't know that might have been insensitive. This is a this is a birthday cake from next biggie thing

This girlfriend made it. Isn't that dope? That is really cool. It's a it's men are better than women blown up to a cake size and eatable I assume that's eatable it looks like a like a frosting print. Yeah, when they print pictures It's a giant cake of men are better than women. This is happy 30th birthday Shannon. Wow. That's cool. All right everybody I'll see you at the live show Bring your failure and bring your drinking shoes. We got a big tab to cover. Yeah, we see you there I want to do a sing along too. Oh, yeah, yeah, all right cucks in the wind sing along. It'll be fun. Oh, yeah cool All right, that's it Is when the dick show go to the dick show.com dick. Show patreon.com slash the dick show go to thedickshow.com dick.show patreon.com slash the dick show see you Friday see many of you Friday. Yeah, see you haven't see the rest of you next Tuesday. Good evening, D are Dickerson. I am Mr. Tanaka.

How do you remember? This is a message for a teacher's driver. I am sorry you did ask me to compliment in Japan. I must have missed you on this simple way with your big beautiful tips and a fat American passive. I got a giant C and Shagun and I want to do things to you. I actually, I strip you a Rufi to make you have a stroke. Okay. And I would stop people who I have in my way with you. I don't think he's joking. I didn't say soda. Storuk.

Erufee. What do they call Rufius there? Rufio is the guy in hook. Yeah. Maybe they do. Peach got a call. If you teach so oblivious to the fact that men it's been walked to the world

completely invisible. So literally everyone, we don't get checked out. Lapton right, like she does, like fucking, and even the ugliest fan of forming is checked out. We're off and then the average man does. If you only men game checked out are hot supermodels, like the dude that the CW cats and all those shows If you like Sean Sean's like it's checked out combat all the time probably mostly by gay men, but still Each man It's really triggered me man It hurts cuz it already hurts and it sucks seeing like hearing somebody complain about a live you just can't ever

Like even touch. Yeah. All right. Let's see here. You know what makes me a rage dick? The word toxic. Fuck that word. Poxic masculinity or shit. Jeff fucking Kaplan complaining that you can't make updates for Overwatch fast enough because the fan community is so toxic.

Now Rick and Morty, oh the fan base is so toxic, blah blah blah, it's some fucking horse shit word made up to describe something. You don't like, but you can't really define why you don't like it. Yeah. Anyway, that's what makes me a rage. You know, the Dixho IRC channel. Oh, fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself, dude. Was labeled the most toxic channel on Freeload.

Really? Freenode, whatever the server is where the IRC channel for the show is, one of them was in a private admin chat and they said, oh, the Dixho, that's the most toxic channel on this node. Wow. Where with a badge of honor? It's, yeah, it's such a fucked term. Yeah.

That's grown to include literally like anything. Yeah. Anything anti like brainwashing is toxic. Maddox used to call anybody who supported my arguments on the old show, the toxic element that I brought to the fucking show. Is it anything? Yeah. Comfort has become comfort has become so ingrained to in us like our lifestyles of complete laziness has become so crucial to our identities that anything disrupting that is labeled toxic.

Yeah. Like we need to have a life that is so simple and easy to justify as right and moral and correct. And correct. And free of moral conflict and internal conflict that anything that challenges that is labeled toxic. No, that's the worst thing that can be. The most destructive of life is toxic.

And where some people are so fucking self-righteous that that's the first word, the first word they use to describe something that makes them slightly uncomfortable is toxicity. Fuck them, fuck the guys, fuck the creators of Rick and Morty, they fucking blew it with the season finale. That season finale was dog shit. First season finale. It was underwhelming. It was like watching a porno where the guy comes and nothing comes out. A couple dribbles fall out in her tits

and you just think there, why the fuck, didn't they, why didn't they just do this again? I can't watch, I can't come to this shit. Excuse me, pardon me. I'm getting off track. It was underwhelming. Get my hot glue gun.

Get my hot glue. Let's shove some glue up that guy's cock. Because they ran at a time. They got so up because they hired a bunch of chicks for their writer's room in a, in a, for a show that's about nihilism, sci-fi, and comedy. You know, things where statistically

you just find ass loads of women. Right? Oh yeah, I know tons of chicks who don't suffer every day without getting up, who don't go 10 years without getting a fucking compliment, right? That's where nihilism comes from. You stupid pieces of shit. It's a guy thing.

If there was a men's studies in college, it would just be nihilism. Sci-fi, which we live and breathe, comedy. You know, you fucking choose your own adventure. And those dumb shit's up. We gotta throw it, we gotta hire a bunch of chicks. Cause we're feminist crusaders. We're pro, pro.

So, you know what that, that's toxic. That opinion that I just expressed about hiring, it's statistical hiring. So they fucking wasted all their time, the whole season. It should have been 14 episodes, obviously, and they just chopped it off at 10. Yeah, I was really underwhelmed by that episode. It was funny, but as if season finale,

it was fucking garbage. Fucking garbage. Toxic. Yeah, I remember it was touchy feeling in a way that forced. Yeah, it didn't work, didn't work for it. They've had little moments like that before in previous, in the previous, was that the third season? Second, it's caught down.

Each one takes forever to come out. So it's so hard to, it's so hard, Sean, to be that smart and funny. That's the problem. I guess. I mean, I don't wanna sound like an asshole about chicks and comedy, but fuck. Like, would you, if my little pony hired new writers, would you be weird if all of them were like if it was 10 guys

10 out of 10 were guys. Yeah, it would be fucking weird. You you would see articles on it. I would see articles Yeah About how fucking creepy those about you know, it'd be articles basic it would be articles Pillarying them and saying that they stole rightful jobs that belong to women Could be yeah, I don't know articles pillering them and saying that they stole rightful jobs that belong to women. It could be. Yeah. I don't know. Well, whatever.

Seen's over. I'm not really. Imagine if the amount that you want Rick and Morty were guns. That's how badly we want our guns. Like, that's what you're up against. Nothing's gonna stop you from wanting Rick more Rick and Morty That's basically basically when you say we want gun control You're saying I want a season four of Rick and Morty that has no evil Morty Yeah, like

Well, do you really need evil Morty? What if you keep I mean I guess I don't need evil Morty But but if you keep getting episodes like that last one, it's like how much more is it gonna, that's going to, that's gonna dissuade you maybe from wanting Rick and Morty so bad. Like, so how does that work with guns metaphors? Well, if the gun told you about its day before you shot it, or something, yeah, could that just wade you? Yeah day before you shot it. Oh boy. Or something?

Yeah. Could that just wade you for? Yeah, then you're just like, I just don't want to shoot you anymore. It's a gun talked about music that it liked. Every time I shot it, every time I touched it, like, oh, hey, I really love white snake.

I'd be like, nom. White snake? I don't care, man. Get out of here. I don't want to hear it. Yeah. Yeah. If it barked, every time it shot.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Nope. Do you bark it? Done. Do you bark this fucking gun? Justin Wang sent this in. I think he's one of the video guys

from Asterios' Boxing Match. Oh, what's going on, Dick? This is Justin Wang, and I got a Asterios' boxing match. What's going on, Dick? This is Justin Wang, and I got a fucking rage for you this week. My rage is people, these fucking conspiracy idiots, fucking morons, I can spear see dipshits, if you will, who whenever anything happens in the fucking news, they just assume that it's automatically hoax

or a fucking false flag. So then stage just as like a knee jerk reaction, they have no evidence for fucking anything, but they just know nothing ever fucking happens. Nothing ever actually fucking happens. And as we're talking, it's Monday now, we all know what happened in Vegas, buys anyone fucking cold yet,

and you've got all these people trading their ideas, trying to be the first to have the real hot, juicy conspiracy theory. And with amusing, I love them that. I love the enemy with these fucking people. Like they can't even agree amongst themselves on what the actual conspiracy theory is.

I go to Alex Jones's YouTube comments and you got people arguing over whether or not it was staged or if it was a hoax if it even really happens. You know, they can't agree on that. And now you have all these fucking morons, these uneducated ignorant fucking people who want us out this morning, If it even really happens, you know they can't agree on that and now you have all these fucking morons these Uneducated ignorant fucking people who want to sell to smart First time their fucking lives coming over their reasons why they think this isn't real You know they want to take our guns or Donald Trump wants to distract from Puerto Rico

Antifa targeted the cons because country fans are Trump voters now the liberal media is covering up from you know always people have their different reasons and it's funny. Yeah, it's funny That's funny how it seems like the real truth somehow just somehow always lines up with whatever the fuck their political Ideology happens to be it's real fucking convenience, you know like I think I Think the world would be a better fucking place if we took all of these fucking people heard them up and then shot them to death. Oh, they're gonna really have a field day with that. I love those conspiracies. Oh man, you should, I'll go right to poll.

Oh, show me who the crisis actors are. And they'll take like, they've already got all the screen caps of a guy and like, it's all looks like it's got lines drawn around everything, like that always sunny episode, where Charlie's making a big old connection thing on the board of conspiracy. Yeah, sure. I'm like this guy, here's a side profile of this lady.

She was a mom at Sandy Hook. Yeah, right. And here she is running from the crowd. And then here's her bio at the George Soros, like initiative to enslave America. And like all these, oh man, I really love them. Because you know, it's funny. It's fun.

It would be fun if the world worked like that. It would be more fun and it would be possible to fix what's fucked with the world if it ran on conspiracies. That's why it's a fantasy. I wish it worked like that. I wish this fucking specter was out there having crisis actors pretend to shoot,

to cause mass violence, because then all we have to do is find the bad guy and kill him. And the world's great. The fact that there's a term crisis actor. Yeah, but that's a real thing. What's that? That is a real thing, a crisis actor. What do you mean? Well, like people who get on TV and talk about,

and it's like this person was paid for their appearance, like literally an actor looking like a doctor, who tells you shit. Oh, but that's called a crisis actor. Yeah. It's just a reenactment. Well, it's like a PR. It's like a spokesperson who will speak about your

crisis. It doesn't mean Sandy Hooks should got it. Okay. I think. Okay. I didn't know that that was a term for that. Yeah. I think it's a literal. It is a real term that they've co-opted. They've blown up the scope of significantly, right? Which tends to, which seems to happen a lot these days. Talk it a good word, man. You know, you got to lump in. Right. But then it turns out the government does lie about atrocities. You know, yeah, um, which is, I do like that, that gets brought up.

So, I don't know, they're funny. Sorry, I'm sorry, Justin, I can't support rounding those people up and killing them too far. Too far. Hey, Dick. It thanks to Lesbian. Oh boy. I was just calling to tell you what made me rage this week. And thinking a lot about baseball and this new sick desire to make baseball games shorter.

I've never once been to a baseball game in person and wanted it to end sooner. This is new space. Baseball games being like two hours long. It's like fuck. Yeah, the game might be a little quick for him already. Seven innings. That's it. Nine innings, stupid.

It's got to be seven innings. The innings is fine. It's just the the the TV timeouts. They need to they need to speed the pitchers up. What does that mean? That's going to happen. they need to speed the pitchers up. What does that mean? And that's going to happen. They need to put the pitchers on a clock. Oh, really?

Yes. Like a shot clock, but for pitching. Yes. It's not going to fuck up the game significantly and like wear pitchers out. It will speed it up. No, because it goes by the number of, it goes by the number of, they generally, they don't let pitchers throw near as many pitchers as they used to anyway. But it's, they, they've got a strict pitch count. Most of them.

It's too long, man. I'm ready to go with the eighth inning, especially if it's $18 beers. Yeah, they either need to lower the price of beer or shorten the game. Yeah. No, and they're they're they're going to they're going to they're going to put a a stricter pitch clock. Hey, Dick. Just listen to the bonus episode and man that video game thing hit me in my soul. I know exactly the feeling you're talking about when you just want to have that pure untainted joy of just

sitting there and honestly liking it without that nagging voice the back of your skull going, you're wasting your life, the back of your skull going, you're wasting your life, you're doing something else, you're right, it's burning time. I gave away my PS2, I gave away my game controller to my phone, I gave away all this stuff, it just struck me as pointless crap. I mean, I'll still play things occasionally, but like I said, it's not the same. It's not number one or even number ten on my list of things to do. So, yeah, man, I don't have a good closing here, but, shit.

Video games, man. Yeah. Big show. It's Andrew from Eugene, Oregon, I'll tell you what makes me a reach there's a lot of city food out there you hear your food cakes the green beans. That's pretty awful. But I've never met a good person. I've never met a man in my life who would be a respect for my time who was in two or otherwise enjoyed his flavor of pineapple. I would guess that Sean is an anti-pion apple and I would guess that Dick would be pro-pion apple

just to be a dick. I'm pro-pion apple. I don't know for sure, but... He doesn't like pineapple. Oh, wait. Green beans. Do you like pineapple? I don't know.

Green beans for the rest of my life, if I never find pineapple. Yeah, I'm not a good pineapple. I like pineapple. Again, I hope. And I hate green beans. I heard pineapple juice makes your sexual fluids smell sweeter for women and men. I've never tested that. I have not heard that. Yeah. See if anybody else has heard that. I don't know why. Just drinking it, not shooting it into your piss hall. Yeah. Just drinking it.

What if you eat pineapple? I assume that's the same because it's mostly juice. We're all mostly juice. Yeah. It's important to remember pineapples, cumin, dogs. I don't like the canned shit. You know, I mean like the dull rings or whatever. You got to get like fresh pineapple. It's good. I know how to cut pineapple in little boats. Oh yeah. Yeah. In little boats. Little boats. You cut off all the, you cut off the top and the bottom and then you cut around it like a circle And then you cut it in quarters and then you chop those down right down the side You lay them down and chop them the side and their little little motherfucking boats. Oh full of pineapples slices triangles Cool try that out. That's one of those things where you're planting a party with a chick

And then you have your thing and it's way it's intricate and it takes forever So she gets stuck doing all the setting up and cleaning and stuff party with a chick and then you have your thing and it's way, it's intricate and it takes forever. So she gets stuck doing all the setting up and cleaning and stuff, but you're making a dumb pineapple boat. Yeah. That's a, that's addictive for you. It's genius at work. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, baby, I got to, I got to make these stuff, jalapenos. So I'm going to be at the store for like two hours. Oh, I forgot toothpicks. I got to go back. Yeah. And then I got to stuff them, just stand basically and scoop. Yeah.

Little tricks that you pick up. Let's see here. What's up, Dick? It's Johnny from Anime. You don't make me a rage today. The fact that you have a set amount of take a bite on your phone, and yet every update, it fucking takes up a hundred more

megabytes of your of your phone's memory. But the weird thing is if you're improving on a system, why the fuck do you have to build a company old system and not remove the old megabytes? How the fuck does that work? We just basically downloading, downloading updates to the point where I don't I don't I came and take photos anymore I have to delete a program after the delete an app and then I look into the The memory yeah, I look into the memory to see what app is taking up so much memory and it's usually the stupidest app bullshit It's what the fuck are you doing to my phone why do you waste so much

what's going on why do you want to just upload what you need to fix and then take out what needs to be taken out yeah i don't understand and then the things that they supposedly fix are still fucked up supposedly that's another mexican word i want to frisbee my fucking phone into the nearest, I don't know, casino. I don't know why, but that's just what keeps me from fucking people.

All right, go fuck yourself. Fuck Apple. It is, man. How many conversations with my parents have turned just degenerate into fucking storage on your phone. Can't take a pick, son, because I have no memory on my phone. How is that possible? How does mom never have available storage on her phone?

Why are these goddamn apps so big, Sean? Why is there a calculator on it? Why is there anything on this goddamn thing? I got six different, I got six different map applications from these dick measuring technology companies. Oh Dev, who knows how many gigs of map apps I have on my fucking phone? Figure it the, you know what? You guys get into a thunder dome and you fight it out

you send your biggest guy, Google and Apple and Ways or whomever send your biggest guy in, whoever comes out of that dome, they get the app map on my phone. I don't need three or four or five of them this shit. I don't need six apps to handle photos. Go kill each other and then just send me the winner Every every every fucking time somebody Doesn't have room on their phone to take a picture the smallest thing. I do want to throw it into a casino

Spicy Johnny from Miami's absolutely right Let's see here Oh, this was a weird call that I got. Hi, this is a, I'm calling in regard to a, I bleeped out the names on this call. You're dead. Yeah, here you go. Hi, this is a, I'm calling in regard to a job reference that has put in a, he told me I can reach the thickness of the mirror, and he called back at. So what he put me for a job interview reference. Oh, I was gonna call him back today, but it's Saturday.

Yeah. Should do that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'll call him back. So whoever that is, tell me like, you know, what the job is. I'll just figure out what the job's about on the fly. There you go. Do that next is. I'll just figure out what the job's about on the fly. There you go. Yeah.

Do that next week. Yeah, I like that. I got another Johnny from Miami. You want a Johnny from Miami or a lettuce Jones? I don't know. Let us was pretty preachy last week. He was giving all kinds of advice. Yeah.

Well, he just got out of prison. Yeah. He's become a sage and yeah, okay So this is what is shown again. All right, so dick you admitted that you got like a thousand calories on a fucking bun and And oh, oh, but don't give me a full flavor coke. Give me a die. No Yeah, I'm trying to watch my figure right after you get a fucking quarter pounder Which he's probably from McDonald's you what you fucking eat just a boy a full-flavored coke I don't like it. I don't know and I don't care if Afbritaine is bad I think he's missing that all right all right all I know that you used to the other team tastes like fucking shit

You get used to it all flavored sodas are Superior to diet bullshit and diet soda they start to taste too sweet fucking diet soda because it tastes like shit and it's pointless just drink some goddamn water if you really want to be hydrated and drink a soda when you want to treat yourself you idiot anyway I'm a Lego okay I have been made into a fucking Lego action figure and that's that's just incredible I mean oh he was in prison when he got made into a Lego out everything I've done the life is led up to her jail someone else in this world deciding you know what I want to make a fucking Lego of lettuce Jones. I mean it's wonderful. I just had to arrange jumpsuit. But yeah, uh, prison. He's great. He's great. Of course, a serios beat the shit.

I that fucking weirdo. That's not even the best, the best thing is stereo's has ever done. Yeah, I love these catching up. He's kind of on YouTube. Well, he might have to beat the shit out of somebody at the live show. Girlfriend, oh my God, dude, I just, I mean, that might be the best thing to happen while I,

you know, I've been catching up. Yeah. Oh, also another thing, I think this happened before the fight, but you mentioned that Maddox was like gonna mention that You had a bunch of cocaine in your house. Yeah as like a well, whatever He was gonna like call it please say you had a bunch of coke in your house. Yeah. Well. Oh my god I mean even if he was joking about it. It doesn't really matter like you wasn't joking Okay, he told several people he was joking about it doesn't really matter like you wasn't joking he told several people he was going to do it you know be okay with being a narc which we all I think we all can agree that Maddox would totally like fit the description of a narc I mean this guy thinks

that what drugs like burn holes in your brain or whatever he's a fucking true he's a fucking grandpa he's a fucking faggot uh Maddox being, let us, it's like worse than anything he's really done, because is there anything really worse than being a narc, you know, the fact that you have exposed this just makes me respect Maddie's even less, you know. And okay, all these guys who are peeing without using this plot. I got cut off again. We'll hear more next week. They're peeing without using their fly. Yeah, so he's an over the waste pan fissure.

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, he's a through the good boy. Good for you, let us thank. Thank fuck. Thank fuck. Oh, here's here's good one what's up dick um i also think that each saliva has confirmed my theory that being super hot

as a female makes you an idiot it makes you stupid because everybody thinks you're hot everywhere you go all the time and therefore everyone is nice to you and nobody says when you're saying stupid shit nobody says you're hot everywhere you go all the time and therefore everyone is nice to you and nobody says when you're saying stupid shit nobody says you're saying something stupid like you've ever been with a like a really hard girl. There's something to that. Yeah.

You start talking about like healing crystals or some shit and like you can make fun of her in a funny way but like she knows. He says if you're with a hot girl and she starts talking about healing crystals. Oh god. Oh, healing crystals. Oh God. Oh healing crystals Yeah, like if a guy said that you'd say Get the fuck away from me. Yeah, shut up. Yeah, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life Yeah, that's right. No, no humor about it at all. Yeah, but hot chicks as it yeah, you say it in a nice

Yeah, okay, well well, you're not actually calling for a dipshit, which is the only reaction that is appropriate for that kind of shit. And anyway, what's it has to do with peaches? Because peaches, like, you couldn't fucking believe that people don't constantly compliment you, even though you're reasonably effective. Oh, you can say highly attractive. I'm like, you can be Ryan fucking docile. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy.

I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy.

I'm not going to be a good guy. I'm not going to be a good guy. really fucking hot like heck. If some of the compliments you, it just, it has no effect on you because you're getting it constantly, you're getting constantly offered dick everywhere you go. And you say Kim Kardashian? Or Betty Moore? I guess it kind of makes me think, what can I keep it at?

Totally, Mrs. That's fine. It says, do not get on if you have a heart condition or medical problems and says oh well this roller coaster probably doesn't have lip wash. Yeah. My heart problems are okay. No, you know what it is.

What do you guys think? And of course you guys don't want to talk to each other. You guys are like, I mean, you probably should. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, you're right. No, it's because I've been, I've had something injured, like basically my whole life and you just want to feel normal.

Right. Like you just want to do something normal. Like yeah, I shouldn't do this, but I shouldn't go work out today, but my shoulders been fucked up. I haven't worked out in three weeks. Like I just fuck it. Yeah.

And then you heard it again. You're doing it, yeah. That's the same, everybody's like that. Guys, this rollercoaster gonna fuck up my neck. Yeah, but I just wanna feel normal for once. And I don't care if it sends me to the hospital and then I get all drugged up and I tell everyone how big my tits are. Yeah, whatever.

All right, see you next Tuesday. All right, see you next Tuesday.