The Dick Show - Episode 72 - Dick on Road Rage: Los Angeles

Episode Date: October 17, 2017

Road Rage: Los Angeles, the Boy Scouts' new crappy merit badges, upgraded security measures, the time Sean and I triggered an overly protective father, promise rings, Bill Guy the Science Dude takes questions, Demolition Man trivia, DIY Sisyphus and the endless Home Depot trip, the purpose of sphincters, building stairs, man-scratching posts, the precariousness of the 19th amendment, fistfights at the show, the offensive line at the show, stage dives at the show, the Biggest Problem Lost Episode giveaway, a very uncomfortable investigation, and fan favorites turning heel; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

Oh boy, how do we even I don't know how to start I don't know either Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Welcome to Dick. You want Dick, you need Dick, you love Dick, it's the only show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure and I cannot stress the failure of all. I cannot stress it hard enough. It infects us all. I'm your host, Dick Mansor. And with me, he's always a Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy?

Joining us today is Santa, Santa Cutt himself, the Enigma, who made a special surprise appearance at the live show, Road Rage LA, this week. A series coconut. Hey, how you guys doing? What's up, buddy? This is the, I feel like I got run, I feel like I got run, I feel like I got run, I feel the live show, Road Rage LA this week. As serious coconut. Hey, how you guys doing? What's up, buddy? This is the, I feel like I got, I feel like I got run over by a ghost train made of failure.

I like, I feel like my soul got sucked out today. How are you guys feeling? I'm, I still can't believe that show. I still can't, the fact that there's, okay, there's 4,000 Reddit subscribers. Uh-huh. At one point during the show, 1,000 people are on the Dix show Reddit. Yeah. Facebook's going nuts. Everyone's going crazy about it was insane. I read one comment. I thought it described it person. Perfectly. It was a guy talking about, he's like, well, the highlight of the show was the giant drunk in Mexican charging a guy who charging the guy, charging

the pissing contest, charging the guy who pissed over his, his waistband, taking him out, destroying like a guy, a guy barreling, leaping up onto the stage and barreling through what I thought would be my coup d'egra of my life. I know. And it was a photo finish. It was going to be a photo finish. You know how excited I was about my pissing content. I know.

I devised the ultimate test and a fucking tranquilized hippopotamus with the last, the last of his fading strength left on the stage and did a Chris Farley impression through, through twin fitness models like a bull and two guys trying to put their dicks back in their pants, like a bull leaving a rodeo ring. Yeah, when he sees the open door, straight back stage, who knows who was still back there. And I thought, man, if I would give anything for a wall right about now, what everybody says a wall's not gonna work.

Let me tell you, that's the only thing that would have fucking worked at this show to prevent what happened from happening. There is video of that guy after he got ejected outside of the bar. People were saying that him getting tuned up. Yeah, that's what I heard. Oh my God, like, like, it looked,

I mean, by security, quote unquote. Yes, by security. By security, yeah. Where the fuck were they the whole time? Exactly. Well, look, it's silver lake. I'm a, where the fuck were they the all the time? Exactly. Well, look, it's silver lake. It's silver lake and it's a, nobody's throwing a punch in 30 years.

It's like demolition man. Oh, like, yeah. All the dick, all the dick heads are like, what, Phoenix, what was his name? Phoenix, right? Phoenix. Whoa. From, no, from demolition man.

Wesley Snipes guy. Wesley Snipes guy, all the dickheads show up in there, all the security people and sort of like, we're no one's throwing a punch here in 30 years. We don't know. How do you deal with this? Well, it's yours show, you better deal with it. Like, what motherfucker, where the fuck are you? I got guys, I got a guy in the front row doing a stone cold Steve Austin impression all

night throwing tall boys behind a PBR. Ferry throwing PBR around. Yeah, soaking everything. It was fucking out. Rage. It was out rage and it was so fucking fun. Oh God. I was talking in one of the guys that worked there who you're not picking people out all night.

And I know people got kicked out. Three at least. Three. Yeah. And the thing is that's their quota for the century in a place like silver lake. And I have a couple of people got kicked out. Three? Three? Yeah. And the thing is, that's their quota for the century in a place like silver lake. Well, I'm talking about this because I know a lot of other comedians that perform that venue, like there's a show called Power Violence there where there is no violence

and no power. Of course. I've got friends who like record stand-up albums and so I'm joking around with the security guy. I'm like, I bet you're not kicking out this many people during Calcane show, right? And then he goes, actually, I don't work here. He goes, I'm a dick show fan. I work security at other bars and I realized you guys needed help.

The guy from Sandy, I got a big hit. Kevin, I think it was. I thought his name was Andy. No, not that guy. The guy with the plaid shirt. Yeah, shit, I forgot his name, but it's neither one of those. He can't go to the stage at one point to give us drinks,

and I'm like, oh, the guy's giving us, the guy's comping a shot, so it's like, no. No, he bought those. Yeah, that was just a cool guy. Oh, man. I said the same thing to him after the show. I said, I thought you worked here for some reason, because he just, he walked on, like he was totally supposed to do that. You know what, I'm to him after the show. I said, like, I thought you worked here for some reason, because he just, he walked on like he was totally supposed to do that.

You know, you know what I'm gonna do with the tray for the next, for road rage Chicago, which we're doing, I think December 2nd. That's what I heard. I think it's finalized. I'm not sure yet, but it's December 2nd. That's awesome. It's gonna be the Dick Masters and Jess Festival. Jess, the jazz, the ass, the ass themed, jazz festival.

Oh, the jazz festival. The jazz festival. I like it. Chicago, the ass themed jazz festival. The jazz festival. I like it. Chicago, the birthplace of jazz. No, it is not, but it's the birthplace of jazz. It's the birthplace of jazz. Okay, good. I think it's gonna be...

From the sell side of Chicago, this is what we're gonna do. I figured out how to stop the spontaneous outburst problem. I'm going to bring a lot of people have a lot of ideas, you know, you need a squirt bottle full of piss. No, I'm going to have a shotgun. And if anyone opens their mouth, I'm going to shoot their fucking head off. Okay. Okay. Any for any reason, whether it's going to be funny or not, right? I'll, I'll, I'll live with that. If it was funny, I'll just live with the, the, the shame that I stopped your joke. I'll live with that. If it was funny, I'll just live with the shame that I stopped your joke. I'll be the first one to say it.

Yeah, it was very funny. I'm not big enough to admit. You know, thought it would be funny. Wasn't funny. It wasn't. But maybe it would have been funny, but I still had to blow your head off for screaming during the show. It was a couple of guys were at that point where you just can't make sense anymore.

Like looking out, everybody was shit faced, everybody was, a lot of people were having a good time. Some people had too much of a good time. But they're at that point where they're not, they're not understanding reality anymore. No. Like when this guy Ben's, Ben smergah or Ben's mechlia and Facebook, he was the guy that got kicked out of Philly, I think. He said it perfectly. He's like, look, I'm a guy who's been kicked out of a lot of things. And you get to a point when you're

so drunk that like a cop will be telling you a cop will be telling you how you can get away Scott free with what you've done. And you can't figure it out still. You still can't figure it out, just not making sense. So I think what we're gonna do is we're gonna, it's always gonna be seated from now on. No more standing. No more standing. People get to, I don't know, to antsy and they're antsy.

Yeah, exactly. It's like elbows start going and. Oh, yeah. Oh, big. Some guy staged dive into absolutely nothing. Yes. He got up for some reason. And then to get the stage, yep, he got up on the stage. He got up on stage for some reason. He turned around to leave.

He just staged dive with no warning, no expectation, no notification to anybody that he was about to do this and dove on to the floor. Yeah. A lot of Chris Farley and going, a lot of fat guys, a lot of fat guys being flung around like dummies and a married with children episode. I got an idea on how, because here's the thing, we've done two of these shows now. You've been nice and welcome to the fight, we're both on them. And the show is people screaming.

And I feel like we shouldn't be, I feel like we shouldn't fight what the show is. Maddox would fight what the show is. Maddox would be like, I'm gonna have 12 rules and you're gonna have to get an arm band to speak and the arm band will do this and I'm gonna have 12 rules and you're gonna have to get an arm band to speak and the arm band Will do this and I'm gonna have a time- A spraining stick.

Yeah, flashlight. It's a and you we hand it off from one person to the other when it's their turn to talk. Right, but the dick show Embraces reality and the reality is People are coming to scream. They don't, these people don't go out often. They're on the internet a lot. They come out and they've watched movies like airheads and they're like, well, this is how you act at a show.

You scream and you throw beer and you hop on stage and you can't, so I got an idea. Yeah, what? It's called the drunk tank. Okay. If you want to speak You hop into a dunk tank. Yeah, and the moment Dick Masters to decide you're done screaming He pushes the plunger and don't you win the war right? I have an idea. What do you got? I'm gonna get we're gonna get one of those those bars that comes down like on a roller coaster and that's gonna be in everybody's seat. So like you come in, you come in and you sit down and then the bar goes down on top of you

right so that you can't get up all you can do is wiggle your arms around. Right? I think that that's the first four rows. Yeah, we'll be that. Nobody pisses themselves. That's a, they were doing it already. I don't doubt that I was looking around afterwards and you know, people we close the place down of course and there's still, you know, quite a few people there and everybody's, everybody's talking and littered around the room at various tables that are still upright are,

are various, are various passed out people just like totally sleeping. It was just totally sleeping. So many people were like, is that guy dead? Is that guy dead? Is that girl dead? There was a guy in the bathroom who like this was after the lesbian and the Keon Maganian.

Hey everybody, who was there in the Tuxedo by the way? Very nice toxido, let me say something. Yeah. Yeah, there was a dude like right after the Mariaches before the comedies, yeah, whatever his name was. Very nice guy, shit comedian. Yeah, there was a dude like right after the Mariaches before the comedies, before, yeah, whatever his name was, very nice guy, shit comedian. Oh, Alex Alex Mandelberg. Mandelberg, yes.

Oh, I got to talk to you about that because that guy was really funny. Well, I'm sorry, he's continued. I was too busy listening to Randy Heckle. Oh, he was the worst. Randy was out of the candy store. The worst dick chant apparently. This is your producer. Right when manager.

He's literally throwing thumbtacks in the road. Okay, please continue sorry. I got, there was a moment when I actually got everybody to be quiet and Randy just goes, I hear somebody go, hey, fuck you and I go, yo, you fuck, go fuck your, and I'm like, Randy, yeah. Come on. Come on, Randy's son of a bitch. You Japanese fuck, which he is Japanese, by the way. Well, and that proved it.

Wait, who, who, who needs to apologize to who? No, he needs to apologize to Randy. I'm sorry that I didn't study Randy's legs good enough to know the difference between a Korean and a Japanese person. And you know, when I really realized that I was fucked up because I still thought maybe he was fucking with me. I kind of sworn to tell me he was Korean. Yeah.

But, you know, because he's a mischievous guy. He's only going to fuck with the show his client. Yeah. Spent months on. What sounds right? Well, the thing was, there are people who wanted to take pictures and stuff afterwards, of course. And so he grabbed somebody's camera and he took the most perfect picture I have ever seen. And of me and a fan, and that's when I knew he was Japanese.

That's right. So, very good, Sean. Randy, how long were you working on that? I'm sorry, joke. I don't work on things. Sean didn't get up. Did you stand up the entire show? No, even when that Mexican dude charged, charged the stage. He was sitting the whole fucking time. I got to explain this pissing contest. This is my favorite. This is my, my most, my brother was so disappointed that it didn't. Well, because we got, the three of us were texting yesterday morning and yeah, where the text was, he said, how did the pissing contest go?

And you said, it was ruined by a fat man. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I, Sean, tell me it was gonna be, that would have been definitive. That was the definitive contest to see which method is faster. And I think we did determine it. Do you need to explain exactly how it worked up?

Yes, because even I'm not quite clear on what was supposed to happen. Here is how it was supposed to go. The hot fitness twins were holding the Dixia flag. By the way, this show has already been uploaded. It'll have been uploaded on Monday. Yeah. Tomorrow for us now, but it will have been yesterday when this episode goes up to Patreon. Quick turnaround, right? No live stream, but quick turnaround. It was supposed to go with the fitness twins. We're holding the Dixho flag. Two guys, one over the one over the band pisser and one through the fly pisser,

which start outside of the hidden area, because we don't want to see their Dix. Yeah, right. At the start of piss, they both run behind the flag. They both unzip or unbuckle, or whatever their method is. They put their dicks against a stamp pad, yeah, you know, an ink pad for a stamp, then they put the stamp, they're dicks against an index card to prove that they did this, because you know, we'll have a telltale hole on it.

Yeah, no, you can't fake a hole. If you try to thump, there's no hole in your thump. No, so you can't fake it. This is thinking. Yeah, I know. Me and your brother actually, that was your brother's suggestion. See, that's, and yeah, I was talking to this

about somebody who likes dicks stuff. I don't know if, yeah, he, you know, I mean, you didn't knock a guy's hobbies, but, but, yeah, I figured the two of you together would come up with the most logical way to actually determine this. Perfect. Perfect system.

And then they've got to put their, put their, in fact, or in, in fact, or in tranquilized hippos. Yeah. Then they would put their junk away and run out and the first person to do a shot wins. And that is the better method. That's the puzzle.

That's the puzzle. Because it takes out all the variables like how much piss do you have inside you? Exactly. How thick is your urethra? You know? How do you, what's the prostate situation? Right. It's, you know, yet it's a younger man advantage.

It's rid of that. It's rid of shit like that. Right. So it's coming, these guys are doing their thing. They're going through the contest behind the flag. And by the way, I didn't tell the fitness twins. I didn't tell them exactly what kind of contest it was. Yeah.

I told them it was a pants putting on contest. I think Larry got the full frontal, by the way. You'll have to ask him, but I was off to the side. He turned away from me, but I think I saw Larry cringe. I saw a gross ink stain dick. I did. Well, I neglected the charging, the bulb, bulb charge factor. And I also neglected how badly drunk men

want to show their dicks off to other drunk men. Because those guys ran out of there. One guy's fly was completely down. Yeah. And that was the over the band pisser. Yeah. So I said, you're disfucking qualified. That's it. You didn't get it up. Yeah. And that was the over the band pisser. Yeah. So I said, you're disfucking qualified. That's it.

You didn't get it up. Yeah. That's, you're not gonna come out of the bathroom with your fucking fly down, right? Yeah. But the other guy came out with his fly completely up. However, when I asked to see his fly for no reason, he unzipped his fly.

Oh, he did. Yeah. And tried to get his dick out. And as I was explaining to him, the point was to successfully get your fly up. That's when the guy got up on stage. That's when ball ball got up and Chris Farley got up and did a fucking lawn dart. Yeah. Straight through the fitness twins and the dick show flag. They were like, they were like a Matador up there. I know. Those girls just vanished. And the flag went fluttering. And the guy who did it a header into the fucking wall.

That's the guy people are saying tried to punch me on stage. People are saying it's that guy. So like, Did even come close? No, God. I don't, and what happened was he got up on stage,

his fist went forward and his big fat fist pulled his big fat body down through the flag, fitness twin scatter, guys are getting their dicks up, and he just falls on the ground, and so I picked him up, I mean, do you suppose to see in the video

where like I had my arms, like I was like restraining him like this, and I just kept telling him like, that was really funny, but you have to. Wait, you did, you were restraining him? Yes. I took him back, I didn't even see him fall. No, no, no, he fell.

I thought he just, I thought he kind of like stumble, staggered all the way through to the, it was like a, it was like a junk, a drunk uncle at Christmas time. Like, stamp, stamp swinging wildly, staggering through tearing down Mike stands. Yeah. Throwing beer all over everywhere. The stereo's was tearing down Mike stands. That's right. every year. But Stereo was tearing down Mike stands. He was in a Stereo's times 10. Yeah, and Nickman might have done that.

But so what happens is I grab him by the arms and I'm just helping and everybody's booing him at this point. And I'm going, you fucked up. You fucked up. You haven't a few times. WChant because these people are all clearly ECW fans. When you bot your move you chain, you fucked up. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times.

We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times.

We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times.

We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few times. We haven't a few I'm going to him in his ear. I go, that was hilarious. That was really funny. They didn't get it. I'm sorry, but I'm sorry. I gotta send you out sides. You can get your ass beat. There's nothing I can do at this point.

You've set big wheels in motion here. Yeah, you're gonna, I'm the good cop behind you, but I'm gonna be replaced by a 400 pound black guy who will rabbit punch the hell out of you for about until he feels better about himself. Until he feels like he has power again. I was watching that guy and he was completely on autopilot.

He was black out. He's totally black out. He doesn't remember anything. No, no recognition. No, there's nothing there. No, there's nothing there. What he had done or what he was going to do. And then plaid shirt, security dickhead.

Like grabs him and throws him out. And then later I find out, of course, that guy does not work security at all. No, no, no. It was great. I mean, he works security in San Diego. Right. And I'm hiring a lot of security for Chicago.

Yeah. Yes. So just so the joke doesn't turn into reality. Exactly. There's going to be security there. Yeah. The biggest security we can find. Yeah. Whoever, uh, they're all, and they're going to punch first and ask questions. They're going to be wearing, yeah, they're going to be wearing shirts to say, shut the fuck up. Yeah. On one side and on the back, it's going to say, uh, don't make me look at you. Yeah. Yeah. Good

idea. And they're going to, it's going to be one in every aisle. Mm-hmm. And you're going to maybe three strikes and you at you. Yeah, good idea. And it's gonna be one in every aisle. Nice. And you're gonna make me three strikes and you're out. Yeah. I gotta talk about the opening comic because that poor bastard, you threw him to the wolves. I wanted to, he ran up that.

But here, you know, who needs a warm up guy? Yeah. Dr. Oz. You know who needs a warm up guy? Jimmy Fallon. You know what? Crowd doesn't need to get warmed up. The Diction Crowd who flew in for this have been drinking since noon. Yeah. And they hear, I realized and I can plot it on a graph. Yeah. As the audience gets drunker, the ability for them to listen to your jokes goes down.

Yeah, yeah. So what you got to do is no opening comic, you got to get out there right away. Immediately. You got to get out there right away because you got to take all of the sober and sobering quotes. Yeah, all the sober time we can get. You can get, this is the dick show.

It's like, I think you're right. I get it. It's awesome to like tease people, make a wapier like, I think it's coming, but first here's a hot, here's a hot, hot, hot, hot. You also want to let people get in the door. Yep. Like people are showing up all the way

until like 9.30. They were. The traffic is so fucked there. Yeah, and there's no place to park obviously. But it's just like, you had some, you had such good material planned about L.A. and it's Yeah, I didn't get any of it out. It was it was like it was like Sean told me the story of the Beatles when they stopped performing live it was because

No one you couldn't hear them they couldn't hear themselves. They couldn't hear themselves because people were screaming so loud It's like yeah, I can't I can't hear anything. I can't even see Sean. It's so loud. Already bigger than the Beatles, man. It's been a year. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The Beatles and the fuck, and Jesus, the poor burlesque dancer came backstage after her one single song. Yeah. And just slams the door behind her, throwing herself against it like she's trying to keep zombies out. Yeah. There's a tornado of zombies that are chasing after her. And she just goes, she had this, what was she got of a Russian accent? She was from Lichtenstein. Lichtenstein? Yes.

Lichtenstein. You know what I'm talking about. All right. All right. You get. Oh, man. I don't know, right? What are you doing? Hey, hey. You get up. Oh man. Can we do that so soon after Harvey Weinerstein did what every single fat ugly idiot in Hollywood

presumably does and the only reason that they get in the industry to do that. Yeah. Anyway, she slams the door behind her and says, they don't want to push the, they want dick. Yes. Yes. I got a higher as one of my comedy writers. Yeah. It's great.

All night. Uh, all night she was acting so she was a little bit frazzled from the get go. Did you notice? Uh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't understand it. I didn't quite understand it. Finest twins, super chill. Yeah. They're me. They're shaking their money makers on stays. They're having a fun time in that lady. She, I think she has like a process or something

that like we the burlesque lady. Yeah. Yeah. I know what I'm saying here. It's an art. It isn't art, but my dad called me. Uh-huh. Hey, I wasn't, uh, I wasn't expecting that burlesque. I didn't know I'd like it so much. Oh boy. Oh really? I mean, she got a dickly. Not fat burlesque dance I've ever seen. They exist.

Yeah, most of the ones you see, they're just fat broads, you do it for, oh, that's being insensitive. I'm not allowed to say that. It's empowering. Legally insensitive. Legally insensitive. No, she's built like a, when we started her bra on panties backstage. So I mean, she's got, she's got abs.

She's got, you know, she got a dancer's body. Yeah, she's toned. She's toned. Yeah. And fucking tastic. And then I found out though, the secret, she was wearing two bras. Oh yeah.

She put on one bra. And then she put on another bra and she's like, so- Oh shit. Yeah, that's bullshit. But I'm paying for the fancy on Kitter. That's fantastic. And my dad calls me and says like, so- Bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, that's bullshit. But I'm paying for the fancy on Kitter. That's fantastic. My dad calls me and says, wow.

That was quite a scene. That was incredible. That was, because I'd have paid $100 to see that. Those guys beating the hell out of each other all night. And the man, that was a good investment. Yeah. He knows entertainment. Nobody on Earth watches more TV than that guy.

That's true. And I'm like, yeah, I kind of, I don't know how to stop the, the mayhem at the front and he goes, well, you can't, because you're dealing with fools here. He goes, what you need is you've got a front line of guys up there that are probably 300 pounds a piece, shoving as hard as they can, because you need a defensive line in front of you.

You don't need bouncers or security. You need guys in full football, gear and pads up at the front of your show. It's true because some of those guys are as heavy as football players. I'm looking into that front row and it's like nine drunk Andy Andy's signores all over the way. I'll ask you all screaming like fuck you, you cook, fuck you, you liberal cook. Like they're all wearing plaid, they got the, they got the Andy's signory plaid, they got the Andy's signory beard,

they got the Andy's signory inability to judge whether or not you should do something like up. The Andy's signoring lack of judgment, it was just, it was insane. And I'm dressed up, there is the enigma, throwing a cane around. Pikachu. Pikachu is nice enough to purchase a Harley Quinn costume. She comes out as hardly Quinn. Yeah. And I'm looking into the face of pure

hate in the flow. And I'm like, how am I going to do these bits when the audience wants to murder me? And then a guy gets on my stage and apparently tries to punch me in the goddamn mouth. We did give out for the enigma's bit at the show. I gave out a USB drive that had the very first lost episode of the biggest problem in the universe. What a cool thing. Yeah.

Do we need any legal advice on that? I didn't know you were gonna do that. But kind of just the last minute things, John. I like to mix things up. Little too late for that, John. That's too late. No, that was what. That's the last, you never wanna ask for legal advice afterwards.

I thought it was bad. It was fun. No, I thought of it an added. I thought of course, because there were three people who were there for that and have heard those, and now one in all three people have obviously the files. So it's, you know. Hey, you wanna give Albonus episodes too,

could play that game. That's right, who are you, the copy right police? I didn't think you were the copy right, please. But the guy that got that episode really earned it, because here's what he did. Here's what the enigma made people do. A, he made them all drink a mixture of hot sauce and whiskey called the enigma's secret seshwan sauce,

which Sean was nice enough to touch before. It was handed out. And so they were all drinking it. Pikachu was pouring in their mouths. They, uh, performed a rap. And then what else do they do? They, they showed you any nudes that they had on their phones. Yes. That was, that was the enigma's move. Yeah. Yeah. He wanted to see if they had any, if a woman had sent them any private nudes on their cell phone. And you get, and guess what? And guess what? I guess what? None of them had any news

One of them took a picture of Pikachu on stage and showed me that and I was like, well, I can't argue with this You could just get see and then fucking Pikachu has husband was in the pissing contest. Oh he was yeah He was the tall guy. Oh, okay. The tall blonde guy. He was the over the band guy. Yes. Because Harry was the through the fly guy. I'm on, I'm on Harry side. You're on Harry side.

Well, I don't know. Yeah. We have to do it again. We'll have to do it again in Chicago. Yeah. With Les Mayhem, we'll build a, we're going to get a, a, a chicken wire fence. Yeah. Like in the, like in the, you know, the blues brothers.

Sure. Yeah. A lot of clubs down Southeast. You will put up a bunch of cap of trots on the stage. What are we going to have? Barb wire. Like in set up in the front, those pyramids of barb wire, you know, like we're going to get a World War I veteran to come in and design a series of trenches that these guys have to throw themselves over, like full

metal jacket style. You'll have to climb over a telephone pole type of obstacle to get on the show. Like double dare. You'll have to go through a slime slops, slops, slops sticker course, a super sloppy, super sloppy, slops sticker course to get up on stage, where you've got to go through a giant foam mouth that pukes you out down a tongue slide and then you land in a pool of fudge. Right. And then you wiggle around and then you have to, then you have to blowmark summers and you have to, then you can get all my summer. Oh man. You've said that and you're advertising that it's going to happen in Chicago. Yeah. I'm sure there's like 50 dickheads out there planning to go to the Chicago,

some kind of as they can get their dick out and put it back in like they're competitively trading. Yeah, they're learning to fucking it. Yeah, quick draw. They should. Oh, man. Oh, now I'm, I'm consenting. The consenting was great.

Cucks in the wind. Oh, that was great. That mellowed everybody out too. Maybe we just need a TV that shows like door of the explorer or my little pony repeats on quiet. So if you get too drunk to pay attention to like, you just look at the pretty pictures. You can just look at the pretty pictures. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Real based things. I can't believe. So is there anything, there is no, there's no greater tool for turning somebody into a complete asshole than a microphone.

Yep. That's right. One from Road rage filling. One from road rage filling. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. He thought he was going to bring home two belts. Oh, he got up there.

He was spitting venom. Oh, there. He was spitting venom. Yeah, he was spitting venom. Very homophobic. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, very useful. That's not what the dickhead community is about. Not in public. It's not all of a sudden. He went cameras rolling from a group to you fucking people immediately. Hitler did not have that kind of a power trip. That's right. He got up, hey everybody, it's me again. I'm the people's champ.

What fuck you all? Fuck you guys, each shit can't get inside. I'm the fucking winner. Oh, and then he unscoulded his problem, which was men using the phrase guilty pleasure, which is just it's too complicated for not even that drunk. The winner of road rage LA said door locks. Yeah, you can't ever get them open. Yeah. And so everybody, you have to explain to every person as though the door lock in your car is unique to only your car.

Yep. Like, oh, pulling the handle, nothing works. Okay, let me just, let me just humiliate myself by explaining to you that you need to wait for me to press the fucking, Hey, did you hear it? Make a cachunk sound from the last, from the last time you tried it until now, if you didn't, then don't do anything, you dumb motherfucker. It's still mechanical. Wait till I get in the car, just fucking stand there.

I'm not just gonna drive away. I hope. That's never happened. Where I get in my car to drive, somebody's just standing there and I think, oh, I guess they decided not to get in the car and go with me. I'm just going to fucking leave. I will figure out that the door is not locked or that the door is still locked.

I will press the button. You'll hear a sound, a magical sound that you don't hear enough anymore, the magical mechanical fucking sound of a kachunk, and that's your signal to go. It's like a starting pistol for getting in a fucking car. God, I'm still pissed off about it. And the other side of it is that these locks are so hard to open for adults, but they're so easy to open for kids that we had to invent a thing called child locks, because kids were just opening doors and throwing themselves into the fucking highway.

And if a two-year-old can do this, and you can't do it, exactly. Yes, exactly. Just exploring. Yes. And you can't do it. So that guy, I was like, I love this guy. Yeah, I love him.

Yes. I love him. All right, I got some of the cards from the bucket. Many of the cards were lost in this show because of the, because it started raining beer. Yeah, it really did. So you also got the souvenir cup. Somebody made road rage souvenir cups. Did you get one of these Sean? Yeah, really funny. I did. Road rage only 1999 plus service charge drink not included very good Very funny. Oh

Here's a good one Pulling off socks and they turn inside out Pulling off your sock, you know that's a rage socks off. Yeah, do you do flip them the right side out? Because if you don't then they come out of Do you do flip them the right side out? Because if you don't, then they come out of when you do the laundry, you have to sit there and unfold and re-reverse like 20 pairs of socks. I usually do it as soon as I take them off if they come off inside out. Yeah. Just so yeah. And you can't just take them off like that because then you stretch out the toes. You got to unroll them.

Good luck taking that off with your foot. The dream. Just take hook your toe in there and peel that sock off. Oh, nothing feels better than that. Fuck you, sock. You didn't make me bend over and remind me of how fat I am. I'm just going to lay here and slide this motherfucker off with my toe. First one's tough. Yeah, one's a lot easier. Sure. Right. Right. Right. Lay here and slide this motherfucker off with my toe. First one's tough.

So everyone's a lot easier. Sure, right? Right, right? I try to do it all night. Yeah. Try to push it a little bit down or also gets too frustrating. The first one. Try to get it just as close to the heel as possible. Mm-hmm.

And then give it a little hook, maybe rub it on something. There you go. Like a snake, shed and get skinned. Yeah. Do you have a lot of different pairs and kinds of socks? Or are all your socks pretty much the same? All the same. Okay, good. That's what I did a long time ago. I'm like, I'm tired of playing the fucking match him up.

Dominoes with these goddamn socks. Yeah, so I was like, I went 50 pairs of black socks and 50 pairs of white socks. They were the exact same kind of sock. Yeah. So I don't got a fucking play goddamn the memory game with the fucking colors. No, this one was a hains with the gray on the entire underside and this is a heel toe.

Fuck, it's fine, it's good enough. No, it's great today. Bioman solid colors. You know what I'm gonna do? You know what everybody should do? You hit 18, you take all of your socks, you throw them away, you start over, you go to Walmart and you get two packs,

and then when one is done, when one starts fading, you throw all the motherfuckers that I did again. Yep, that's a good idea. So you don't have to deal with that shit. Otherwise they sneak through. And the mismatch pair is here, they's all fucking faded faded like, yeah. And you get one that's loose as fuck and bunches up

under your toes all day and you feel like, you feel like a fucking child when you're walking around. It's trying to do business. Try to go about your day, you feel like a piece of shit because you got a bunch of sock watered up under your toes. You're constantly fucking with it. People think you're high because you're twitchy. Yeah.

I remember a long time ago, I was wearing socks with holes in them, my parents house. My long time ago, I was in a minute. Did you know here we go? And my mom goes, you can't have socks with holes. And then I go like, who cares? It's just for me.

And she goes, no, no, no. Girls will notice. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But, and then a week later, dating a random Canadian girl from Tinder and she goes, you have holes in your socks. And like a week later, another girl

says the same thing. Oh, it's a cancer situation in the Canadian girl. She had bees, but the thing is she had that Canadian sex rage. What's that? Okay, it's the best. So Canadians, their whole life, their very polite, they're very kind, they see no reason for conflict. Everything they do is to like,

is to defuse the situation and they're very funny. All of that CTV is from Canada. All of our best SNL stars from Canada. Very funny, very light hearted people. But when they get into bedroom, they become monsters. And they want to do things, and they want things done to them. And it's,

it's like the Northern Lights. I'm telling you right now, they just become these sex crazy monsters. You gotta try it sometime, Rick. That being said, any Canadian women, date to show lawyer at gmail.com still up and running. Uh, people who stand at the bar after getting their drink. God,

that's a bad one. Yeah. Get the fuck out of the way. I don't know how they do IQ tests, but that should be on there. Like you forget the math, like real life life crumbles just go give somebody a drink like men and black style test And if they just stand at the bar afterwards you say you don't know you can't you can't vote Yeah, you're too stupid because you don't understand you don't understand the system Yeah, you are a you thinker. You're not a systems thinker. Yeah, you existing fucks up your way of thought fucks up the system. Yes. It doesn't work. We're trying, we're trying to, we're trying to get drinks here. I see that more now everywhere than ever. They don't, you just fucking oblivious, dude. They don't fucking leave, man. The, the, the, the quest is like the talent is trying to pick which

person at the bar is not this fucking moron. You got to make eye collage, you're leaving. There's got to be a sign that says, I'm the kind of guy that orders a drink, gets the drink, and then leaves, gets off the fucking bar. Instead of the kind of guy who orders a drink and then hugs the fucking bar like a security blanket because they're too afraid to just exist without touching some architecture. Yeah, it's like the kid with the floaties

in the side of the pool, you know, inching their way down. Oh, I can't, I have my drink. It's still not enough. I still need this bar like a fucking life raft. Like the guy in tight, like at the end of tight jack in Titanic, like they're going to drown if they let go of the fucking bar. Now you're still a loser. You're a loser walking around and you're still one while you're hugging the bar after you buy your fucking drink. Leave. Throw a smoke bomb or something. Put a mustache on. For some

reason, they think I'm a guy sitting at the bar alone, A girl sitting at the bar alone will come up to this bar, and then I'll be able to sideline over to her, like in movies and TV shows and talk to her, and this bar is credibility. Yeah. And it's like, no, that never happened. The bar's status. Yes.

The bar's status. I can't let this go. Goddamn it. No one want to talk to me. Hmm. Let's see here. Dads who act jealous about their daughters, it's not manly, it's not cute, it's fucking creepy as fuck man.

Oh yeah. There was, when Sean and I lived together up in Valencia. Oh yeah. Yeah, you remember this? That hot chick who lived across the street, right? She was, yeah, she was a teenager, I think. She was in community college, wasn't she? I think so.

But we were young too, so it was not weird. No, no, no. Anyway, early 20s. She was, I don't even know how hot she was. She just wore hot girl clothes and was blonde. That's not a good look at her. You know what my uncle used to say, she's wearing the uniform.

He would go, he's someone's, he would just go, they're not hot. He says, someone's after remember, they're not hot, they're just young. He says, someone's after remember, they're not hot. They're just young. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? I can't, I don't have a clear picture of her face.

Yeah. In my mind. I think she was really good looking actually. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I don't, I can't say for sure. I can't say for sure. It was so, we were having a party.

I think we were having a party for my birthday. Slash Halloween party. I called it my birthday party. Everyone else called it a Halloween party. I think we were having a party for my birthday slash Halloween party. I called it my birthday party Everyone else called it a Halloween party. Oh, yeah, and I was like, Hey, let's invite let's invite the neighbors because then they're less likely to Fuck with you like they won't go who's gonna go to their fucking neighbors party. Yeah, but you call it It's like the triangle right the house on either side of the house at least across the street where they're the ones that are gonna report you They have to invite them, make them, invite them and then they won't do it.

Because they're not gonna come. So we see the dad, the dad and the mom across the street and the two one expressing, I go over, were you there for this? No. We walk over. Yes.

Oh, so the three of us all went over. We were fucking around outside. We were probably working out in the garage, like young guys with our shirts off, and jeans listening to ICP lifting some weights in the garage in Santa Clarita, really getting a get in swole. I think that's when swole first came out.

We had just discovered the use of swole, the word. I thought we made it up. We made it up. In that garage, the three of us committing ourselves to bro science. Some people invent make a sound. Some people invent swole. We were PhDs, nuts in brokab.

Yeah, doctors, dick doctors in brokab. Anyway, we're cooking up these words like swole. So we see the dad and the mom drive up across the street. And I think I think it was my initiative to go talk to them, three shirtless hunks go over there. And I'm like, hey, we're throwing a party. We're throwing in my birthday,

slash Halloween party. I did this this weekend. Why don't you guys stop by. Come on by and the mom was really nice. She was gonna make us, she was gonna make us some cupcakes. That's right. She said, oh, for you beef cake, so I'm gonna make you some extra tasty muffins

that you could munch on. My muffins all mine. We didn't think anything of that at the time. Right. Looking back on it though, it seems a little weird. Yeah. I'm like, oh great, great, great. That sounds cool.

Everybody, you know, come over, bring the whole family. It'll be family friendly. Can't stress that enough. Obviously, of course it wasn't a family friendly event, but you say that. I mean, it wasn't even friendly. No That was that night is when you were playing drums with your dick You remember that? Yeah, yeah, you started playing Sean and I got the idea to put a concert on because we got shit face Oh so shit face so shit face. Oh, so shit face. So shit face.

Probably it was probably good though. I dressed up as a flasher. Nice. And I had, and I had, you know, a strap on. Yeah, I had this huge black dick that was hanging out of my boxers that were on underneath and at some point. And then what, but then what it is, hitting a snare drum with that.

Yeah. Yeah. So we walk over there and I said, yeah, here's the party. Come on over. The dad out of nowhere goes, hey, yeah, we'll be there, but just saying it'd be a problem for me if anyone put the moves on my daughter. And I hate that guy. I mean, there's that guy exists a lot. Yeah, I got that look on my face.

I'm hanging you cock. Yeah, that's the first time Showns ever used the word cock on ironically by the way. No, I said cock. God damn it. I'm gonna say cock, we'll get you yet. I got that look on my face like, oh, I see dysfunction. I smell the dysfunction in the water.

I love it. Like, oh yeah, well, why? Like I'm just sitting there with that grin on my face that makes people want to beat the shit in the water. I love it. Like, oh yeah, well, why? Like, I'm just sitting there with that grin on my face that makes people want to beat the shit out of me. Like, oh, is she single? Like, why would you, is she into one of us? Like, why would you, why would you think that, sir? I'm a two-one express started talking about how he has a girlfriend.

He's like, oh, don't worry, I have a girlfriend. I'm like, dude, that makes it weird. You're making it weird now. Both of you guys are like teaming up to make this weird. And they didn't come. He kept on it for so long. He kept saying, just saying, you know, just a warning. I'm like, cool dad, but you know,

I'm very protective of my girl, like, dude. We don't, we hope you don't come. Yeah, you're not invited anymore. We just came over here to ask you so you don't call the police. Yes, yes. We don't care if we would prefer that you don't come because it's our friends and family

and we don't fucking know you at all. Right. And we've learned that you're a fucking idiot inside of five seconds. Five seconds, I already hate you. Yeah. I don't think it's going to get better with alcohol. No, but he's continuing his wife finally goes, honey.

Let's just go inside and they just walked away. So fucking, never came to the party. I got a fucking. It was creepy. It was fucking creepy. Yeah. You ever heard of a promise ring? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Like you buy it and to promise yourself that you'll stop drinking or jacking off for

it right for November? That's why I got like ten of them. Yeah. One free chance like Liberace. Yeah. Exactly. I promised I made all these promises to myself. I'm Liberace by way of the Mandarin.

Yes. A promise ring is a ring that a dad gives a dad wears and a daughter wears. Oh, what? Dad's wear them? Let me explain what a promise ring is a ring that a dad gives a dad wears. You're a daughter wears. Oh, what? Dad's wear them? Let me explain what a promise ring is. Okay, dad's got one, daughter's got one. It's a promise from the daughter to the dad that she won't fuck.

Oh my God. Anybody but him. Anybody but him. That's that's Donald and Ivanka, isn't it? Absolutely. That's why. Yeah. And then put here's the thing. No, isn't it? Absolutely. That's why. Yeah.

And then, but here's the thing. No, that was hilarious, but here's the thing. No. When a dad finds a dude who he's like, you're good enough for my daughter's pussy. I'm not kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The dad takes off his ring and gives it to the boy as if to say before they fuck you know exactly it's like I'm now legally transferring my

daughter's pussy to you via ring yeah that's fucking perverse it's the worst and it's so weird that these dads are so because the first thing you think is yeah this guy wants to fuck his daughter just like Sean saying yeah and it's like the second thing you think is like, if dad tells you like, hey, stay with my daughter, that she is completely down. Like, that's what that means. It's like, because obviously,

why would you say that? I mean, you're right. No, you want to piss off your parents. Like, I thought you were guaranteeing your daughter would be like a turbo slot. If you took that approach, right. The super aggressive protective to add approach. Yeah. That's what it does. You know, you tell a kid not to touch the stove. He's going to fucking sign a lease on the stove. Yeah. He's going to like make a face print on the stove forever.

It's just how I can do. He's playing with that stove. Yeah. That's a Okay, there you go. That's so that's it. That's it for Denzel I love that you get a load of then Denzel left the show. Yeah He just walked on stage and said goodbye everybody. Yeah, he did and then left with his date. Yes, he did have a date He did yeah, I followed up with him this morning to see how it went. Yeah He did. Yeah, I followed up with him this morning to see how it went. Yeah. No tears after the show. No, no tears. They went straight from the show to a Friday the 13th movie at like midnight. And then they went back to her place and he got you got too drunk and passed down.

Good. Now there's success. That fucking guy he walked in and goes, hey, can I get on the tab? Like what tab he you talking about? You know, the figure just opened one for me. Just like, I'm, I'm like trying to, are you trying to ask for free drinks? Denzel, is that, well, you know, yeah. Yeah, that's not a real thing.

I don't know where you get off. You wanna just give you my credit, you want an allowance or something? Denzel, you're a big boy. You're trying to impress a date here by getting on my tab, I don't think so. I love how everybody of course knew exactly who he was. Yeah, you may be on the African American

gentleman in the building, yes. Also a giant. I can't believe that guy's like seven feet tall. He's a really big good. He's at least six four. He got on stage at least twice. Yeah. Nobody asked him, now look, I love him too.

I'm gonna, he just jumped up there. I love Denzel Sandwich. Okay, here's the first piece of bread. I love Denzel, he's my favorite. Now here's the meat. Nobody asked him to get on stage. There wasn't's the meat. Nobody asked to be on stage. There wasn't even like a cue for him to go on stage. There wasn't like a natural transition for him to like get up and make an appearance.

And then he did it once and then he did it twice. He did it twice to say that he was leaving right to this date. He just walked up. He said goodbye and then he walked on stage and picked up a mic and said, okay, everybody I'm leaving. And he wasn't free for all. He wasn't associated at all with any of the bits going on. No. He just wanted to tell people he was taking off and figured that would be the most efficient way to do it. He could have texted you. He would be a mega phone by everybody's front door or when they leave they just grab it.

Everybody beats out. I'm out of here. Yeah. The Denzel out. The Denzel walks off. Yeah. Everybody's Irish. Good.

That's good. The Denzel walks off. Yeah. The opposite of Irish goodbye. The Scottish goodbye. We're just screaming to everybody that you're leaving. Yeah. But here's the thing.

It was so adorable. How Denzel was just so comfortable just interrupting the show. Yeah, you was. That's like he fucking owned the place. I know. He didn't want to. He won't stop there.

It was so cute that I'm just like, I can't be man with this. He doesn't know this is not what you do with a show. It is, I guess. I guess it is. It can be. If you want it to be, I hope he never changes. He got up there and did his John Cena impression the first time. Yeah, give it up for Sean. Everybody. All right. Give it up for us. There's everybody. Yeah. Oh, maybe he knew what he was doing. Oh, right. He had the right idea. Oh, my God. And then the fucking tattoo, but this whole time, a guy's getting the, uh,

Joe of the ranger is getting the Dixiel logo tattooed on his fucking neck the whole time. And however big do you think this neck tattoo is? It's bigger. It's much bigger. It's like the size of a grapefruit. It's a third of his neck. Yeah.

Is the Dixho tattoo? He's passed out on stage With his head creed to the left so that the guy can tattoo the right side of his neck. He had too many He had too many beforehand. He's bleeding a lot He had a lot of he really wanted us to wear his black jacket from Afghanistan. Yeah, yeah, yeah He started trying to get us to wear the guy a lot of he started to get a Yeah, a lot of a lot of opinions giving a lot of input Which is great and during the show actually I think I leaned over and one of us said said You know the person who should have been wearing the flag jacket is wearing the flag jacket And that was a stereos because it was funny. Oh did you come out in the flag jacket? Yeah

Well, he put it on at some point Because you know guy threatened me. Yeah, I was like I'm gonna make you come out in the flagship? Yeah, well, he put it on at some point. The war around. The guy threatened me. Yeah. The guy was like, I'm gonna make you, I'm gonna make you night coconose. This isn't a threat. This is a promise. The new way to threaten people.

Because, Sean, because online threat. Yeah, he had a ring and every passing. He had a promise threat ring. He took a picture of a ring that he was wearing and to tweet at us. Yeah. This is a promise threat ring. It's of a ring that he is wearing and to tweet at us. This is a, this is a promise threat ring. It's not enough because online comments mean so little threats mean so little that we

now have to upgrade the verbiage. Right. Because promise is a promise of me guarantee. I'll give you your money back if I don't make you hurt. It's not a threat. This is a signed document. This is like the parent climate accords that I'm going to make your life miserable. Very effective.

It's not a threat. Don't think it's a threat. Don't call this a threat because it's more. Yeah. Because those threats are something that assholes do. And I'm not an asshole. I want to make that clear. It's a promise.

Because I have the moral high ground. So it's like a wedding. That's that serious idea. I'll just promise. And so I'm on screen. I'm signing a document. And I'm asking, so who here threatened me? Like did the threatener come here?

Because you and I talked about beforehand how I should probably box the threatener. Oh, that would be funny. And what and Sriracha had the gradient because I was like, we gotta get gloves and Sriracha goes, no, just take a bunch of Santa Cuck T-shirts, wrap around your fists. And then you guys can go to each other

and she goes, we'll get some ace bandages from the right aid and we'll get some Santa Cucktages and we'll fashion some gloves. And I go, who here threaten me? And one guy goes, who was me? And then I go, there's no way it was you, you're way to handsome to be throwing out internet threats and he goes, yeah, it wasn't me. Because it was like some like handsome looking boy band Seattle mother fucker.

He did apologize on Twitter that guy. What? The guy who threatened you, he apologized for it on Twitter. Who is that guy? I didn't even know. I don't know. I got to see the apology. Well, apology accepted.

Look, I'm a lover, not a fighter. Okay. That's enough about the show. We're doing it in Chicago though. We gotta figure something out for Chicago. More music acts. I do need to get out there sooner, right away. Before the burlesque, even if we're doing bands or whatever,

I'll get out there right away and try to calm people down. Because burlesque is a great idea. But what I want is someone doing burlesque while you're sitting up there on stage like reacting to a comedy. That's smart. The other thing I want, and I burlesque while you're sitting up there on stage like reacting to it. Yeah, that's smart. That's smart. The other thing I want, and I've told you this before, is you at a piano or you at keyboard?

And you'll do that too. Like a jazz festival? Yeah, right. Might as well play some jazz. I don't even know what jazz sounds like. Well, it's hard. It's working. I'm out of farting.

Oh, man. Hangover Farts, guys. Wow. The best. From the entire weekend of... I thought I was gonna wake up the neighbors this morning. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

The whole house was that going. You know, a lot of wood, a lot of resonance, and rumbled through like a helicopter. Yeah. Through the canyon, Sean. Best feeling in the world. Yeah. It's bad when you have a hard time seeing. and Sean, best feeling in the world. Yeah. I'm always bad when you have a hard time seeing

when your eyes start vibrating. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you're rumbling through your bones, yeah, that is vaguely, from a legal perspective, I don't know about this next topic. Oh boy. There was, that probably means you shouldn't say it.

Oh, I'm gonna tease at it. Okay. And I'm gonna see what you guys think. Dicks drive home. Can we talk about Dicks drive home? Why? Because it was hilarious. He was Uber to, I don't know what you're talking about.

Exactly. He was Uber, we're moving around. I'll tell you. Why was it hilarious? Because everybody was trying to tell you like, hey, be safe, all right? Oh yeah. And you were going, no, I won't be safe.

Everybody was so guilty. Hey, you know, I just want to do my, I just want to say the right thing here so that I don't feel bad even though I could, I should do more. I don't feel bad even though I could, I should do more. I don't play that game. Anyway. It was so fucking funny how you were going, you were like getting in people's face and

going, I'm going to drive extra dangerous now. Because you told me. Yeah, because you took this, this half-assed approach to tell me to be safe. Now I want this on your soul. Yeah. Jumping over those zero visibility hills and silver lake like the French connection. And I'm, and I've got Sriracha, and I go to, I go to her like, look, on one hand, we could take an Uber home, But I want to see the mice throw at work. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. That's it. That's it. Thanks. Thanks everybody for coming. I had a great time. I hope that all I had. I hope most everybody had a great time. Let me see. What makes what makes me rage this week? The the Boy Scouts letting in the girls. It makes your rage. Yeah.

Well, let me hear what? Cause I think it's awesome. Oh, yeah, of course. What a fucking surprise. No, everybody under. You don't know why I think it's awesome. And I'll tell you why I think it's awesome. If you're gonna fuck with me and me and me and me.

Yeah. Here's why I think it's awesome. Because it means that the girl scouts are such a failure, that the boy scouts have to do the girl scouts job. Yeah. The girl scouts essentially said, the boy scouts have to do the girl scouts job. Yeah. The girl scouts essentially said, the boy scouts essentially said, all right. You and your fucking cookies and your fucking brownies and your fucking little patches. You're not getting the job done.

Girls are going into the woods and they're not coming out. It is time for the boy scouts to step in and scout these girls. All these Hollywood executives are in the woods, picking them up, right? Taking them home, blinding your own careers, traumatizing them. That's why I love it. Because it means that the Girl Scouts fail. That's hilarious to me. It is a fucking nightmare scenario.

The last thing I would have wanted as a kid when you're in the weirdest awkward phase of your life that they say goes away and it never actually does, you feel weird, you feel like a weird awkward fuck for the rest of your life. You just don't have any parents anymore to do all you shit for you, so you can't think about it.

You gotta think about how you need to eat this month. You can't think of what a spastic weirdo you are and how fucking ugly you are every day. You got to think of you, because then you got to think of, it's not a weird awkward phase, it turns into a failure phase, because then every day you wake up and think about how much money you're not making

and how your boss treats you like shit every day. And underneath that concrete is a bedrock of still being a weird awkward fuck that hangs onto a bar for dear life because you're too terrified to go around and talk to people like normal. Never goes away. Awkward phase never goes away.

That's what they don't tell you. They don't tell you that. They tell you the opposite. Is there full of shit? No, it's life. And the last thing I want as a kid is to have some like bad ass, like a tomb raider chick show up in my sanctuary of just dealing with other guys and adult guys who are not trying to fuck with me.

Because as soon as you get a chicken there, it's the second of Chicklands in your group, every guy turns into a fucking comedian and a little sniper. It's no longer, hey, I need to learn how to tie this knot. It's, hey, you're not looks like you're dick small and it's a joke, hey, baby, did you catch, hey, fucking Tomb Raider, did you catch a load of that burn? I just roasted my buddy with over here

because the chicken's around, so we just treat each other like shit. Here's the thing, here's the only thing with that. What I read was that they're gonna be separate. I read they're gonna be separate. And that they're gonna be the scouts and that there's going to be a girl section and a boy's section.

And the girls are now going to do like what the boys do, but they're gonna be separate. I also, which is why I'm realizing what you're saying. I want to take all the guys who approved of this idea and whatever they're doing if they're hanging out on the weekend watching football, I'm just going to drop a supermodel off at their house. Here you go. Here, have fun with this.

Have fun treating each other like garbage for four hours on a Sunday afternoon so you can try to fucking impress this chick who's never gonna fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause this is wild. This is, this is the only, if there's a chick around, the only merit badge is how shitty you make your friend feel. Yeah. How, it's a merit badge for how crappy you can embarrass your friend and treat your friend without getting punched. Yes. You're absolutely right. It's a sash full of them. I had two friends who were one. I had two friends.

That was their mission in life was to cock block each other. It was so bad. They were so brutal. That's so fucking bad. They were so bad. Oh man, they are fucking going at it. They were so fucking competitive with each other. It was, oh, they're beautiful.

And then nobody had it's laid. See, I got this. No, what would they're beautiful. And then nobody gets laid. See, I got this at, no. What would they do? Sir, wingman over here. Oh, I mean, they would, Frank O'Frily embarrassing. It's like, like, you know, I mean, stuff like, hey, don't you, don't you have to go home

to your girlfriend and kid? Oh. Ah. Ah. Yeah, stuff that you can't talk your way out of. Whether or not they exist. Oh, yeah. Anyway, over you guys.

Oh, no, I was gonna say, I get a sense that everyone at this table is like a wingman. Yeah, like if one of you guys was talking to some girl, I was really good to help. You specifically wingmaned me. I'm talking about New Year's Eve last year. Oh, yeah, that was great. You were real good. I'm talking about New Year's Eve last year. Oh yeah, that was great. You were real good.

I didn't even know what was happening. Asterios, it took a tremendous amount of self-restraint. We've talked about that. And we're like, you have to decide that you and not even one person of you is gonna try to fuck that shit. Even because right next to 80s girl, I have this instinct as an opening instinct.

Yeah, man, I really, Asterios is doing good with that chick. I really should do something to ruin it. Yeah, yeah. You're like, hey, your ex-wife called. Yeah, how's it going? How's it going? Hey, the kid just emailed me saying he found a house for your ex-wife.

That's way down in the base code. That's way down deep in the, so sick. Yeah, yeah. But now it's the boy scouts. But flip side of it. Camping trips with chicks. Chance to, you're out. There's no parents around.

They attract bears. They attract bears. What? They attract bears. They attract bears. Well, of course, they're in their periods. They're in their periods. I don't know why.

I've got a big damn one set up on the big areas. You got knots. You're tying, tying, you got knots. You got rope. You're having a good time. You got the smallest. What does knots you got knots, you got rope. You're having a good time, you got the... You're small. What does knots and ropes have?

I'm just saying. There's a lot of, a lot of extra worries you're gonna happen. Okay, here's the thing, Boy Scout meeting, six o'clock at the school, sucks to have chicks there. But camping trip, that's serious, go get those ladies and gentlemen. But camping trip, someone stinks a along a little flask of something. Oh boys and girls they got Kurt chips and me.

People putting their badges on their nipples in the time to say. Are they like 13? What was the first time? How many would you for 10 sex? Oh God 16. Exactly. There's 16 year olds. You get kicked out of scouts when you're turning 18.

That's how it works. You got to become an eagle scop by 18 or that's it. But there's big difference on whether they ever allow them to get together. I really hope they do. I think that'd be real great. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's going to. Because how, what are they going to have a fucking separate meeting for one chick? Yeah.

Well, who not? Because it will depend on one chick. Yeah. Well, who not because it will depend on the interest. Yeah, it's maybe that's true. There's a lot of women or a lot of girls are just not going to be into it, but there's going to be there's going to be some who wish that the girl scouts were like the boy scouts and they might show up. But then like you said, they probably end up going together. Then you're going to get the fucking moms in there. Yeah.

There's one little girl, and my mom's gonna show up. Oh, that kinda sucks. Learning from Scout dads was cool. That was, were you a Boy Scout? No. Oh yeah, I was a Boy Scout. I was the lowest ranked Boy Scout on Long Island.

What does that mean? I was just terrible at everything. No, I got like, my Maribatch was like for like computer programming. I'm not kidding. I am not cattyre. Yes. 17 year old New Yorker on the merit man.

Well, the first rank, you come in at the rank of Boy Scout. And then you, and then the first rank is tenderfoot. Okay. And then Boy Scout first class, second class, third class. I became a tenderfoot. Okay. And then Boy Scout first class second classer, I became a tenderfoot at age 17. And I remember when the scout master meetings, because I was just hanging out with guys and just one of my friends were there. You know, hang out with like, but then I remember on 17 like the scout master went, Stara's coconut, you are now promoted to the rank of tender foot and everybody laughed.

Yeah, everyone laughed so loud. And I remember like the scout master trying to say something he was like, well, you know, we all progress at our own. Yeah, I can't say. And then he just starts laughing at me. I don't like it. Now imagine that with three chicks. Oh God.

That's what I'm saying. I don't want them to meetings. Yeah, but what I'm looking for is camp camp style romance Sober case where you got him out of the woods and you can tie them up and you're experimenting with ropes and they can't and it's difficult to get back to sewing Marital badges on nipples and all kinds of perverse shit. The Stereo's coconut endorsees and wants to do You can turn them into pasties and you should. Let's see. What else makes me rage? I was scratching my back with a spatula. Yes, today.

Not a bad choice. It's a good idea. And it struck me how nothing in my, like I don't know if this is a getting older thing, but the amount that my back itches is starting to be a problem. Me too. And there is nothing in the house, there is nothing in the house that's easy to satisfy that itch.

I mean, and something should be. Something should be, but the corner of the wall doesn't work moving back and forth. There's a door in the shower, the shower door. If I use that, it's got that little floppy plastic thing. I can kind of use that, kind of use that. But then I gotta go down to the shower. There needs to be like a man scratching post.

So I don't have to use gross things and feel like a gross criminal slob to stuck on a wall. Just, yeah, like those cat toys, just like a fucking scratch panel. It's a decorative man's back scratching panel, like something that a bear would use in the woods and it should be in every house, should be in every house. I like it. I like it. I'm with you.

Instead of curio cabinets and bullshit and rounded edge doors. Yeah. Yeah. I think you develop more allergies, just skin allergies. In general, you just get itchier when you get old. All of my goddamn back. You skin dries out. You get older. Yeah, maybe that's true. Skin's becoming dry. get itchier when you get old. All of my goddamn back though. Your skin dries out, you're getting older. Yeah, maybe that's true. Your skin's becoming dry. Where I was like, when you were a kid,

there was that commercial where that lady was like, I can write the word dry right on my skin. Yeah, I'm like, you try to do it as a kid and you're like, I can't, what can people do that? That's so weird. You come old and then things start to shut down. Talking back for- That's who they sell back scratchers to.

Back scratchers aren't for kids. They're talking back for us. Back scratchers too. Back scratchers aren't for kids. They're for men. I don't want a tool. I need full back coverage. I completely forgot. I don't need a sniper rifle to try. You can't send them.

I then I'm stuck there trying to figure it out on myself. I need a wall. I know. I need a wall of Velcro. Mm-hmm. It's a good idea. It's a good idea, thank you. Mara, what makes you rich? Stereos. Mm-hmm. It's a good idea. It's a good idea, thank you. Mara, what makes you rich, Stereos?

Oh my God. I tried to say this live show, but I couldn't get it out. But whenever you go to a fucking show or something and there's an audience participation bit, like when you go see cats and the cats come into the audience and they start like pawing it, you like cats.

Yeah, and fuck away from me. Yeah, exactly. I remember one time I was in college and there was like college production of cats and these chicks came out dressed like cats. And so I pulled out my phone and I started reading, oh, actually it wasn't my phone, it was my, because that wasn't the thing at the time.

It was my pom-pilot. I put on my pom-pilot and I start to like read archive articles. And so I'm trying to like essentially send the same like, I'm not part of your show. Yeah. Nobody sent my life. Father me. Nobody read a poem to me. And don't make me react. Yeah. Don't force me to react. How you want me to react? I don't want to do this.

I came out. I'm sitting, having I done enough. Now you gotta make me the show too. I came to see you do the show. Now you're making me the show. Yeah. And so this girl dress is a catch, she starts slapping, slapping at my shoulder. These bad experiences of cat girls.

Yeah, terrible experiences with cat girls. Well, they come out like sit on your lap? In college they did. Would you not just be praying for a huge boner just to turn the tables? I'd just be trying for it like sitting there, come on, you fucking dead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And like we show you defensive. I'll show you what you mean. I'll show you a scratching post. When you go out and you see a standup show. I'll show you a scratching post When you go out and you see a stand-up show Up your ass. Yeah, it's same fucking bullshit like a guy comes out and he's just like hey where you from? Hey, what do you do? Hey? What is it? It's like? This is your job

like I am coming out to be entertained Not to sit here and be terrified that you're going to call on me. And because God forbid, there's always the person in the audience who's like, I'm funny. We had some of those. I've all those guys that night. We had a few. Yeah.

And so, look, my policy, if I'm ever called on by a standup to do a bit is I just pretend I'm a tourist. They go like, what do you do? I go like, oh, I'm just a writer. And they go like, so, you know, this, that I go, oh, you know, and like, I just like act nervous and shy. Because like, well, that's how a normal person acts. But those people that like, they're going to be funny too. They're like, you know, oh yeah, I'm from this place. It's where everybody's got a big dick. Or like, they're like, for my own, this place and the girls, they're all horrors.

And this and that, it's just like, oh God. I just want to go home. Yeah. That's what makes me very, isn't that, C. Right? Fucking when they try to make the audience the show. Yeah, because they don't have any of their own material. This seems like a real criticism of the road rage show in disguise. Not at all.

Not at all because literally the enigma was dragging people up on stage. That was great. Pissing contest was great. Man, I'll tell you what else makes me rage. If you do anything that requires a single trip to Home Depot, you will never get away with one. You are going, if you need to go, if you're building something around your house, yourself, you are driving to Home Depot about 10,000 times that weekend.

You will be spending the entire weekend driving back and forth from home depot. I put in some stairs, just stairs, because of the side of the house, there's no stairs, there's just a cliff. So every day I'd go down there and roll down the hill, down the hill, every fucking day. Walk back up on all fours. Walk back up, clamoring back up to the house. As the dirt falls, I was like, you know what I'm, I'm an adult now. I'm gonna put some fucking stairs in this place. Yeah, I like how it's not a drinking problem. It's a stairs problem.

Stairs problem. Yes. So stairs and a loose soil problem. Like, all right, so I'll just grab, go to, I'll go, I'll do it myself too. I'm not gonna hire a contract. Cause there's nothing, there's nothing like the feel. There's nothing like the feeling of a hard days

asking guys if they need more water in Spanish. That's a real satisfying feeling when you do it yourself. You poke your head out like you saw your mom doing as a kid, necessitas, my sagwa, okay. All right. I'm the water, man. You guys know it. I'm the king around here. I got access to all the water. I got ice. I got ice back. And I can, I can give it away. And I can withhold the ice. But I'm the ice master. I control the ice. That's the weird sick Math that you do and you right?

These guys I need yeah, yeah, I need Trabaho. I just need a little bit of cement here if you guys can do it but Don't start don't think you don't think don't bring your own ice And if you if you work extra hard, I'll throw a little bit. I'll throw a little bit of extra ice in there for you I'll use up the all the ice and freezer just for you, just for you guys. I can make that, like the ice mafia. Guys are doing work outside. Yeah. Nothing like it.

Hard days labor of asking guys if they want more water. Yeah. But the whole time, the whole fucking time, it's every, every, as the second you get back from home depot, we need this. We need to travel. All right. I'm going to go get the trial. We need another two by four. Okay. It's, it's physically impossible. It is impossible to get the entire list up front. It's a day spent or a weekend spent in aggravation of driving to Home Depot and driving back all, all fucking day.

Do you ever get the feeling that the employees at Home Depot are like in the witness protection program? And they have to pretend to know nothing at all times. Exactly. They're just like, no, I'm just, I'm just wearing this orange, I'm just wearing this orange apron for, I don't work here. It's happening to me. I'm ironically wearing an orange home depot apron. Where's the thing you need? Okay, you're in aisle two.

But I'm going to go check aisle 37 on the other side of the store, and then by the time you can't find it, I'll be on break. And I see here. That's what makes me rage. Are the stairs done? Yeah, stairs are great. They're done. I haven't fallen down in once. You gotta take a stair, a stair selfie.

All right. Put it on the social. Oh, let's see. I got a song from a save state corrupted wrote a peach song for us. Ah, because it's pissed everybody off with her, her needing to be complimented all day, every day. Okay. So I guess, you know, I guess it's like day, every day. Okay. So I guess, you know, I guess it's like Sunday for hot chicks. Yeah. Without it, they die.

It's like blood for vampires. Yep. I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm sure you know I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited said they're pretty wet. I thought that was just me. All right, I'll link it up there. I don't know, maybe somebody's got super hearing.

Teenage girls can always pull out the song, the words of everything. I never can. Never have enjoyed music, I guess. Let me see here. I got some comments. I got a ton of voice meals about the live show too. Oh God.

Oh, they're great. Somebody said, I'm going here. Somebody said, a stereo was uglier in person, but much funnier. Thank you for opening with that comment. Dick, yes, I did see it. The literal, the name of the Reddit thread was a stereo.

And I'm like, I know I shouldn't click on this, but they are talking about me, so I have to. Uh huh. And and I'm like, I know I shouldn't click on this, but they are talking about me. So we have to. And then it's like, because a lot of people at that show said this, stereos, you're skinnier than I thought you would be. Which is an insult. But I'll take it.

No, but that's an insult I'm looking for. I'm like, I will take it much funnier in person. That's a lot of funnier. I said that. Nine people online are like, I didn't expect the stairs to be so funny and it's like, okay, I'll take it. I'll take it but the one guy that was like, ugly or in person is like, okay,

there's no, there's no silver lining to this. Like there's no chip meadows said that dude threatening a stereo. It's really got my goat. Anyone wants to fuck with my boy coconuts has got to go through me first. Bullying a mentally handicapped person has got to be the lowest you can do. Mental illness of liberalism. There's no reason to threaten someone. Don't worry homie, I got you.

You know what? That guy was front row the A, it's something very hurtful. B, that guy was front row the whole time. Yeah, he was. He's had the shits pants on his motorcycle. Yeah. Oh, really?

I felt safe for knowing that guy was the front row. Even though he literally calls me retarded on Facebook. I was like, if any shit gets out of hand, I think this biker guy's got my back. Yeah. He was the anchor. He was using the anchor method when people were shoving around

in the front row. Did you know Tim Changs was almost there? Yeah. I heard that. Randy had tricked him into showing up, but he found out at the very last minute. When Tim went, why? Yeah.

Because Tim is always down to go to a big fancy Hollywood parties. Really? And Randy's the gateway, the gatekeeper for the Hollywood parties How did how do you find out? I don't know I tag I've emailed them saying that I would pay him to come No, said he doesn't want to do the Tim Chang's character anymore. Yeah, that's what yeah I mean you could do it literally anything. Yeah. Yeah anything right like you're you could just be you because it's basically you. It's not a character at all. But I guess I guess not man.

He's saying everybody wants to see. Yeah. Then they would have really lost. They would have torn the whole building down. He might think back and years later and just go like, what I wasn't even it wasn't even a character. Anybody knew knew. I mean, in the big scheme of things, that's what I'm talking about. It's like, dude, you're saying, oh, I don't want to be pigeonholed. It's like, oh, don't worry. You have to have a role before you can be pigeonholed. Everybody knows what's going on. That's weird.

Let's see, see if I got anything else. Thanks to Diego for putting it together. He's putting it together. Totally. Oh, yeah. Diego it together. He's putting together. Totally. Oh yeah. Diego. Oh man, he is. His girlfriend.

Oh my fucking God. She's sharp. I was like, are you fucking kidding? I know. You better marry this girl right away. I know. Who we? Dave?

Who we Sean? Yep. But Diego's cute, man. Whoa. Diego's a good looking guy too. I mean, nobody's that good looking. But I mean, that girl was good. Well, he's a drummer too. Diego's a good looking guy too. I mean, nobody's that good looking. But I mean, that's the girl who's good. Well, he's a drummer too.

He's a good drummer. Oh, he's got that. Yeah, there you go. But back girl. She's one of the only people who have been backstage who was not like fucking with me. Usually backstage people ask shit like, so are you nervous? So what do you

got planned? I'm like, hey, I'm trying to like get shit straight in my head here. I don't remember shit that I'm doing. I got a big penis contest. I got to run in a couple minutes. Yeah, she wasn't doing that. No, no. Pretty good. When she was, she was walking around. Not, not annoying. Number one on the list. Nope. The things you gotta look for in a woman. She was wearing the mansplaining jacket. And that girl weighs like 90 pounds. So it's like, you could have hit three of her in there. Yeah.

And now it's just like, this is fucking great. Yeah. I was like, I hope you keep this jacket. Her? Yeah. I'll keep it. Oh, you got it back. You just gonna wear it.

She did give it back to you. I'm wearing it around the house like Buffalo Bill now. Thank you. Take a pack pretending to be Diego. Girlfriend. She's the stage right. Diego was so fucking, he was such a rock, man. Well, that's he.

Oh, he has the right personality to do what he, what he does because he's, yeah, he doesn't seem, he seems pretty much unflappable. Yeah. At the end of the night, all smiles on that guy. The rest of us are all like, we are, we're so happy we didn't get killed. All of us. And it was just like, hey guys, great show.

Great show. You know what else is? Oh, by the way, his girlfriend's into Star Wars. His girlfriend is so into Star Wars. Oh, never mind everything i said that she knows the different she knows the difference between rebels and clone wars and she's telling me how you got to watch clone wars because gandy tartartovsky's vision for clone wars is much better than rebels which she which you felt was kind of vanilla you

mean the the initial shorts of clone wars yes with the car to where it looks like cartoons well the initial shirts of clone wars were Yes. With the cartoons, where it looks like cartoons. Well, the initial shorts of Clone Wars were, they look like Sam Rajak. Yeah, I was like, and then there was a CGI Clone Wars, which is terrible. I never, I never got into him, but she's telling me how good they are and she's telling me how Rebels sucks.

And personally, I like Rebels better, but I'm like, oh, she's got an opinion, I like this. And she's, man, where's that guy to tackle the stereos when you need them? Goddamn it. We're saying it. They do for science friction, buddy. How's your podcast doing?

Real fucking good. ScienceFriction.fun. Subscribe now. We had Pikachu in the last episode. We all got super drunk. It was great. Let's see. Oh, I had a bill got there's a question for Bill Guy.

Oh, oh, oh, this is good. The music for Bill Guy. The science dude. Yeah. Oh, I had a bill got there's a question for Bill guy. Oh, oh, oh, hey good theme music. Bill guy the science dude. Yeah Yeah See how I did that transition to a bit with a song that's good pretty good. Yeah, it's pro level shit professional Everyone needs to go to patreon right now just to watch a stereo stance I didn't write down the guy.

This is from Johnny, Johnny, Johnny Parlens. And he says, yo, Bill, sometimes, sometimes when I'm peeing, I get a little bit of a shiver. What's up with that shit? Sometimes when he's peeing, he gets a little bit of a shiver. A little bit of a shiver. Look, man, I'm just a guy here. But the whole, everything about life is based around excreting and increting shit, whatever the opposite of excreting is. So everything and your, that's all the brain's purpose is,

is to encourage you to put shit into your body and to get shit out of your body. That's it. And then the rest is just random bullshit. The rest of life, random bullshit. So every time wherever you've got a sphincter on your body, if something is going into it or out of it, your brain is getting off.

No matter what, it's it. That's your brain training you. So you got that little piece fincter in there, and you get all that pee out, boom. Psh, mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, silver. Is it possible that this guy's piss is haunted?

It's possible. And that's why. Yeah. Okay. It's possible that this guy's piss is haunted? It's possible. And then that's why. Yeah. Okay. That's possible that this guy's piss is haunted. Yeah. I think that's the answer. Like if you're dating a girl who's recently broken up

with her boyfriend or her husband, she wants to do, they're on about an 11 sexually. I know. They want to do weird shit. So she's like, hey, come take a shower with me. Go, okay. She starts going down on you, no big deal. Great.

And she looks up and she's like, hey, I want to shove a finger up your ass. Is that okay? What are you gonna say? She's probably been thinking about it for years. It's on her list. It's on her bucket list. Bucket list, she never thought she'd see.

She's been hiding it away in her subconscious. What do you say? And while you're thinking about it, boom, she's already off to the races. Bam, in there and you think, well, kinda weird. I'm a little bit uncomfortable. I don't get it.

But then when you're done, boom, there goes that ingress, weird shiver. That's another sphincter. There you go. That's another sphincter. Mm-hmm. There you go. That's a Bill Guy. That's a Bill Guy science tip for you. Yeah. Bill Guy that science tip for you.

Caltech's proudest son. Bill Guy the science dude. Logic was airtight. It was. Yeah. So it's sphincter's your four. Chivering. Yeah. So it's fincter's before. Chivering. Yeah. Okay. Let me see if I got anything else. I'm busy. Oh, you know what I wanted to ask. Keon, since you're here. So here's what here's the problem I have. I posted. I tweeted this week. I finally got a hold of the restraining order defense that I'm sure was written by

Maddox. For people who are new listeners, Maddox's girlfriend has a restraining order against her because she called 80s girls school, she admitted to doing it and tried to get her fired, made up a bunch of shit. So we got a training order against her and Maddox and his girlfriend showed up in court with a hundred page, a fucking hundred page, Reem of paper that is basically an explanation of why this girl was justified in trying to get someone fired from a school, like calling a school and trying to get someone fired from school, like calling a school and trying to get someone fired. And almost the entire document is pictures of tweets of mine in the middle of the page with a giant, ridiculous impact font at the top saying shit like, exceptionally explicit

threats of harassment against my girlfriend. Let me pull one of these up. Now I tweeted one of these. Everybody lost their fucking minds about it. I mean, and that's the thing. So it's like, this is mental Jess defending herself. So she gets up there on in the thing.

She's got a document that says, sexually explicit threats against my girlfriend. From someone who's not involved. Right. Not against me. This is a mental just saying, hey, this guy said, talks about, by the way,

they were not sexually explicit threats. They were hilarious jokes. Yeah, it was like, let's just make, let's make that perfectly clear. Everything that dick tweeted was really funny. Not a threat at all. Not even a little bit. So I said, I tweeted one saying that I've taken a screenshot of a spicy

dance that someone had because people go on Maddox's page and post shitty comments all the time because this content sucks. And he's an asshole and he takes away too seriously and he like aggressively deletes comments. So if you, if people are deleting comments, you want to make it a pain in the ass for them, right? That's how it works. So I started, see people would send me these screenshots and I would post them because they're funny.

Yeah. And they've been deleted, so there's no other way to read them. Yeah, yeah. So one of these is me posting a screenshot and that the top in giant impact font, Maddox says, incitement of harassment and encouraging his followers to share private messages. It's dated January 4th, 17. And at the bottom, Maddox has note, colon, the word

bantz in quotes is short for private banter and conversation I've had. He rewards his followers with publicity and attention for violating my privacy. Bance, this was a, this was Bance, who were explained to a judge in this court document. So I want, I want to publish this shit ASAP, and I want to know what I have to do to give a commentary on this and publish it. So it's something I don't really want to bore all the decades with. It is actually I shouldn't even be talking about on the air. Oh, you shouldn't.

I don't think that. Okay. Yeah, but we can do it. It's something that we can get going pretty quick, like sit down for an hour. And explain everything to you when. It's possible. Oh, as I want everybody to get a look at this shit.

It's funny. It's funny to me to sum through. I think it will be funny to everybody else. No, is this not, and I get, I'm not a lawyer. Nor will I pretend to be, unless I'm real drunk and the girl is pretty cute. But, uh, it's public. It's, how is this not in the public domain? He submitted this into public evidence. It's part of the court record. My taxes go to pay for those courts. Those records are mine. Right, so this usually means you're wrong when you start throwing down my taxes pay for blank. But you feels good though.

It feels great. In fact, of the matter is it is a public record and when you can go down to the courthouse or Hall of Records, not sure where they are and get a copy if you have. Cuckmate dick. Except a stereos. Oh no!

I don't want that though, because like, he pulled such a bitch-moved dude. He took like, he took emails that 80s-girls send him that are shitty, and he's like talking about her fucking family in a shitty way. Like, I don't want people to just go to the courthouse and get it. Nobody should, that's why you need, well, A, nobody will,

because that's way too much effort. B, if you just sell a nice PDF, and of course, as I've said before in the air, I believe all the money should go towards the 80s girl foundation to buy more foundation. Yeah, very good. Because it's hard to look hot, by the way. These, they're like masters of their craft, these girls with their makeup. At this show, we got Pikachu and 80s girl in Sriracha. They've all got these Ziploc baggies, hundreds of dollars worth of makeup.

All right. What were you saying, Keon? I forget, man, it's been a long night. But yeah, it's definitely something we can do once we get it all handled out. Okay. It's a good idea. The people deserve to know the truth. Because Maddox's book is coming out Tuesday. I figured it'd be funny to put this out in the same time.

At least for pre-order. At least for pre-order. We'll see what sounds better. Everything is a contest, dude. What is that at the bottom of the screen? Where? Right to below live show general discussion. The first live episode that looks like it. Oh, my goodness.

Tom tough. Let's see it. Tom tough one. It's a review of the show. He's in a voicemail. I'll play the voicemail. Let's see here. Oh, no, he links to it at the very bottom. Looks like there's something like here's the last episode. Go fuck yourselves. Oh, that's Dropbox. I'm going to shut that down soon. We are literally finding this out in real time on the show. Okay. Here's, I'm going to place some voicemails.

Here's the, here's a remix this week. It was by... Okay, here we go. It's from, it's from bias. He wrote this. Everybody, thanks for coming to the show. Thank you, Stereo. Of course, Larry was there. I love it, everyone. You can check out the video at patreon.com slash the the dick show. Sean, you had a good time. Had a great time. Yeah, a good sit. I had a good two hours. There's nothing like a good

sit. You look like you were you look like you were you went the thousand yards stare of a trauma victim the whole night. I was taking it all in. No, I was, that was, I was doing some of the recordings. Second of it. Yep, I know I'm very well. I was kicking back.

I was, yeah, I was totally, I just couldn't wait to see what was gonna happen. Thanks everybody for coming. If you got kicked in the head by a guy diving off the stage. I'm sorry about that. I know Melissa did, thanks to Jim Schmatz for making those key chains. I tried to give as many as possible. I'm gonna have to give out more of the jazz.

They're cool. I saw one. I saw one. Statsable one. Oh, that was it. Right. Okay. I'll see you next Tuesday. This is by, this is by bias.

The heavy metal remix. Dicksha thing. This is by bias, the heavy metal remix. Nick Chaltein. Thanks to Matt Miller too. To a two artist. Oh yeah. Oh my god. I think Diego's getting into that too. Awesome.

Today, he had me write something when I was too drunk to remember. I think I's getting into that too. Awesome! Today, he had me write something when I was too drunk to remember. Like I wrote Go Diego backwards. Yeah, he's gonna get that tattooed on his ribs. Ready, go. Oh, it's great. It is good. By bias.

Oh man. Oh, remember when the audience was chanting for peach? Yeah, that was hilarious. It's like she's not here. You're continuing to scream won't make her any less in Japan. She's at home, I don't know. At one point for some reason then, so I'll ask me if Jamie was there. And one, I don't know why he would ask for peach. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don here's the guy who got kicked out. He called in. Oh God. Hey, Dick. I'm one of the drunk assholes that got kicked out of your show. Out of their show. My brother was the other one.

Yeah. Oh, my god. He was the asshole. You know, I want dick. I need dick, but I just couldn't take the dick. You know, I was in the presence of grace and greatness, and I couldn't take it. You know, you're an awesome man.

You're one of the best out there, best comics, best artists out there. Sean, great backup. He's always on point with everything. And you know, that's one of the top of the charts for being a completely out of line right there. And thank you for always putting on a good show. And hope I didn't...

Not that he would remember. You guys have too much. But I know you guys always keep everything running smooth. So yeah, appreciate the time. You spend out there. And oh yeah, I'm the guy who's beer beer you also chug when you walked out. Yeah Yeah, this is the guy this is the guy the guy the guy in the strike kick out of who yeah, yeah by the by the security Well, I watch that video. Yes. Yeah, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes

The get raped the guy who goes by get raped filmed it and posted posted it. Who I met at a, at a, at a bar the next day. And he was, he was also a drunk man. He lost his phone. He lost his jacket. I found his phone. He's got one of those phone billfold combos, which you think are cool, but they are not. I had one for about two days. And all it's weird, like it's a weird shape.

So you're not used to carrying it on you. Like, there's no wallet tap for the phone wallet combo. So it's like, yeah, the cereals is holding one up right now. Yeah. Man, you are really flying by the seat, you're really flying by the seat of your pants if you have one of those fucking things.

It's very easy to lose. Yep, you lose your phone, you lose your wallet. And then your fuck. That's it, you're fucked. Exactly. Terrible system. Yep, terrible system. And it almost happened to him.

Let's see here. I've gotta see this. The dick show drunks outside, here it is. Stop it, this thing. It's like this is for war, man. Stop it. Looks like little John is. Trying to that one up against a pinball machine. Oh my God.

And there's a big, the dick show on the marquee while these guys are getting the fuck in their asses. There was a line around the block for this. All right, we've got two guys getting their asses killed. Oh, no, he's in the... Oh, the guy that has him in the headlock. I know, I got him. He was real nice. Oh, man. Okay, they've calmed down. Even before the show started, there was a random...

Fucking meth head outside throwing clay potch at cars. This random, random Asian guy was walking down the street outside of the show before it started. Well everyone was lined up grabbing the, grabbing the candles off of tables outside, the little glass containers and throwing them at traffic. Yeah, that's, he was, somebody was holding him when I walked up to the front. It was a dickhead who was holding it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with no expression. Like, just, how did that affect? I'm glad it wasn't a dickhead, because I read someone posted on the Reddit, a screen about

what an asshole everyone was and how mean everyone was being to the people who live in silver lake. Oh, you know, it's gonna happen. I got it. You get too drunk, man. You got, do you have no control? I know. The guy, I'm sure that guy's sorry, but you got to, you got to reign it in, but there's

so many people. Some of them are not going to, like statistically, it's impossible. Yeah, exactly. We should have brought, we should have brought more security. I figured the venue would take that. There was one security guy there that one gigantic guy looked like the big fat guy from Breaking Bad.

And that was it, it was one guy. If you had your time ruined, I'm sorry. No one did, that was amazing. No, the other time ruined. We're the residents and denizens of Silver Lake. Everyone else had a great time. Everybody somewhere like can go fuck themselves. Exactly. A bunch of fucking assholes.

Hey, Dick. Sorry. Oh God. Sorry. He also got kicked out. That was angel cakes. He also got kicked out. That was Angel Kakes. Oh my God. You know, Dick Paul from LA again or Van Eyes, but you know, I just wanted to say to the fans, I don't hate all of you. I was angry about the other people, but most of you were pretty cool. I had a lot of cool conversations. I got along well with a lot of you guys even on a pretty introverted guy and

Like you know dick a college class act on the on the phone before and in person like like everyone there I got I got to give major props. That was a fucking awesome show. Oh You know, this is just a guy shing this this would take a time on the episode You probably aren't gonna put this on there, but but for what it's worth, that was fucking awesome. You guys are awesome. Dick, you're a real fucking cool guy. And from a couple of minutes, just talking to you, outside right by the door, right before I left,

you're a cool fucking dude. That's before I start drinking. Love the show, go fuck yourselves. I want to say this, though. And again, I know nobody likes cinnamon No, but so we all get kicked out of the venue because you make it mean like sometimes you got it If you're giving guys a sentiment you turn it so it's shitty. Yeah, hold on hold on hold on hold on Easier to digest also. Yeah, I'll make it mean. Mm-hmm. So we all get kicked out to a clock the one the only security guys like everybody's got to go

Yeah, people are literally smoking pot on stage The only security guys like everybody's gonna go. People are literally smoking pot on stage. And everybody's like, oh, this one guy, Robert O'Hallooho brought a fucking Pokemon pipe. Look, like a Pokeball. It was great. And Dick is hanging out in the parking lot for like 20 minutes, just talking to people.

And like, Dick wanted to make sure that he like met fucking everybody before he had to go. It was so nice And then some of those people of cacks. There you go. See I flipped it Yeah, it's a penis. I don't know. I'm drunk. Well, you know, it's a thought it was nice I thought was really cool nice to think about when you're when it because everybody issue if you're just sitting Like all those times. I remember you know Just sitting in my apartment,

bored out of my mind. It's like, wow, here's some people who just we want to shoot the shit for a while. Cool. It was real. I'll do it as long as I want. Oh, fuck it, man. But that one, they came all the way there. The fucking valet. Who was hounding you all night for money. The valet comes backstage before the show and says who's got the black truck and I'm like me here

Is there do we have parking spots? I assume we had parking spots because what show are you with? It's just the one yeah, it's just the main show right because well, there's I heard there was three acts and Your act the main show already used all their free parking spaces. So you need to give me five bucks. Who? Okay. Who the fuck? Who use these parking spaces? Yeah, that's it.

Who use nine parking spaces? Never mind. Now, Sean, many mysteries. And then, a bound. And so, like, look, Dick is literally a minute before getting on stage. He's in his fucking mans planning with, and he's in his man's planning jacket. And this guy's like,

well, I'm gonna need five bucks. I'm gonna need one. Let me get your keys. I'll get the five bucks at the end of the night. And the night comes. Now it's $10. Oh yeah. Now it's $10.

By the way, the show is called the DICK show. And DICK is being charged for parking. For parking. And by the way, he didn't drive over. This funny was hauling all my goddamn T shirts about your T shirts and all these posters. And then, and Dick doesn't have $10 and think God of fan is like, look, here's 20 bucks.

The guy who was yelling about the free gun. Yep, gave me some free gun. Yeah, yeah, gun would not stop talking about and kept saying like, hey, remember that. I guess I'm getting one too. Oh, you're getting a free gun. I'm terribly sorry. It was like Oprah. He kept saying like, hey, remember that. I guess I'm getting one too. Oh, you're getting a free gun, apparently, so he's like Oprah. He wanted it to make it.

You get a gun, you get a gun. I love it. We'll see it, we'll see if I get the gun. You know, I've been offered a lot of free guns before. Yeah, I never had one. I've only had one. Okay. Actually, I still never even had the last free gun I should have got.

No. My grandpa died. Oh, I wanted that gun But my mom somehow took it and hit it. I think she buried in the yard like a squirrel really Yeah, she thinks that the more guns I have the more dangerous I am is it a it's so weird. It's weird stupid Statistically every gun you have in the house makes you safer. Yeah, yeah Statistics doesn't work on her that's so well. Oh well, she wants the special, special gun of his. This is Shaqqan.

Oh. Hey, this is Tom from Irvine. I'm the guy who was on stage and had the supposed set one sauce poured down my throat and all over my face. Oh, yeah. I just got done listening to the first last bonus episode. It wasn't quite as bad as you made it out to be. You made it out to be.

It was going to be completely unlistenable. I see why you didn't release it. But yeah, I think the highlight has to be Maddox claiming to be Mr. Miyagi and catching flies in his hand, which then somehow proceeded to give live birth in his hands. Yeah, full of shit from the beginning, I guess. which then somehow proceeded to give live birth in his hands. Yeah, full of shit from the beginning, I guess. And I also like the fact that you brought up smartphone fact finding Cbuk heads, which was one of the best problems from the old show.

I'll probably be uploading that thing to YouTube at some point or just uploading the MP3. So, I don't want to tease people for too long. Oh, that's what I thought you on the phone. I I'll just say what made me a rage last night was fat drunk selfish Mexican. Oh I was trying to think of what you could do. I mean, I kind of realized just hammering the redundancy just hammering the redundancy. I know. Right. All right, Sean.

You tried to wipe privilege. You really am. You've got to fuck you. You're not gonna be able to take himself front. Oh, I don't have abs, Dory. Anyways, thanks to the flash drive. No, not anymore. You too, Sean.

That flash drive was between Pikachu's tits. Yeah. It's a really good flash drive. You didn't want to stretch it out. He could have had, man, could have had anything. He's like, Louis Pasteur. He's just giving away his gold for the goodness of humanity. Good guy that Tom,

what's he saying? Tom's her own head against it. He's put on a serious.com slash or a big drama. He's put on a serious. He's a serious. She should everybody should be there. You know what, I'm,

I'm, you can tell that those guys feel bad for acting out. Yeah. I know. Not one. He went on Reddit and talked about how I'm a fuck up and there he's out. He was pissed at me that night too. No, I mean, you know, of the, oh, I know, of, of, of all the people who fucked up that

night. He was the only one who got a hold of a microphone. Yeah. And it's still kind of with him, I think. It's, well, he's like, he came up to me afterwards and said, hey, I know like a like a Frado death case. He's like, I know you fucked. I know you fucked me over by not bringing me up with the rest of the road, the rage

championship people to compete. You fucked me by bringing me up afterwards and then everyone hated me. I think, well, you didn't bring him up. He ran onto the state. I think they hated you because you called them all baggots and they all suck and everyone in LA can suck my cock and he did say that. He did say that. Pretty sure that was like that had a little something to do with it is just my just my

gut feeling on this. He'll immediately immediately. Oh man, he was so nice. Oh no, he was like, yeah. And then he started saying, then he started saying, the problem with the show was there was poorly planned. Dick had no idea what he was doing. It's like, no motherfucker,

Dick had an opening comic, a burlesque act. He had an opener, then he brought Larry, then he brought the enigma. He had a pissing contest. We had a saying lot. There was, it was meticulously planned well he should have planned for some fat guy to rush a sage I don't have a point to the he Honda dive

from street fighter to it was so many whales were beaching themselves on the stage it was like the niche morally I don't know what that means. The whale wars ship that hunts whales Yeah, it was ridiculous. Oh, he's so pissed. He was so mad. He's going 50 comments deep on Facebook Where it's like oh, this is the comment that'll get them to that'll turn us around. No, this is no comment because eventually you'll find the comment that makes you correct. Well, if he's still upset, he should call in yell about it.

Sure. Why not? I hope the new, the L.A. champ calls into, he had a good one. I got his count tech grad student. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Oh, well, call me after the show. Oh, so I guess if you, if you want to hear the last episode, uh, find Tom, he's giving it away.

Apparently. That's one of the, that's from 2012. Yeah, man. That's one of the, that's the original. That's OG. That's it. That's the first one that was ever committed to tape. Yeah. Bumcom, I think was Maddox's problem. I remember that. Yeah. That's a strange. So, you know, he's a strange man. Something I was thinking was, if when I was backstage, we're all there. Sean's there, you're there, I'm there. Sriracha, we got fucking Pikachu. We got a TIGO, a soccer girlfriend.

And it's like, there's a burlesque dancer there. Lacy came with the whole floor. The hottest women I've ever seen. Lacy came with four Lacy clones. Or what? Those kids were like, I'm going to ask. It's like, I'm gonna ask. It's like, oh my fucking God, you gotta be,

where the fuck, where do you guys go during the day? Do you go in coffins and then you just sleep until you go out to fancy parties? They only stayed for about 20 minutes, by the way. Oh yeah, I can't imagine why. But what I'm thinking is, on backstage, the whole time, there's always hot chicks and funny chicks and funny dudes and hot dudes.

And I'm like, if only George could have kept his shit together, he would be here with us right now. Like if only this guy hadn't been such a weirdo and a spurg, like he'd be with us, We'd all be doing comedy. We'd all be having a good time, but it's like this guy is fucking half a Xanax. Just like this guy is like half a Xanax away from normal, so he just can't do it.

It's true. Sad. Here's another guy that went, here's Akira from Long Beach. So, Jake, this is Akira from Long Beach. I'm just driving back, driving a work from the live show. Sweet. Nah, it's fucking crazy. I'm gonna be like an hour late to work.

That's not fucking sucks, but I don't know, it's worth it. I admit all you guys... He's an auctioneer. That's his job. He's gone. I yell my voice gone. I can't like even talk right now That's why I work cuz I need to use my voice for work a lot, but you know tell it worth it Everyone at your show is fucking racist man Everyone kept on asking if I was Randy

I'm not a fucking agent to send. Everyone kept on asking if I was Randy. I was telling him to do that. That was you. That was really cool. That was really cool. Randy can like a cool guy. Oh, this guy. It could be Randy.

Randy's not a cool guy. Randy was constantly heckling. He does not go along, gone all along, though. He does not look like Randy. Yeah, he's a good thing. But I mean, the fact that you guys all stayed after and Joe was hell of fucking tight. Well, that's the thing that was a mandatory like me.

Yeah, yeah, of course. That was so much fun. People wanted to say, how do you say, what the hell? What are you going to go home and sleep? No, and that's why I think I was saying all those people too. Yeah, no, that's it. It's fucking fun. It still blows my mind. I had so many that's cool. It's fucking fun. It still blows my mind.

I had so many conversations that night, it blows my mind just how much the show means to them. And it's the least you can do to talk to everybody who wants to talk to you. I think it makes the show better too. I think I did so far up your own ass. It's hard to, yeah. And I knew I can picture in my mind,

people's faces who like listen and participate in the show. It makes it different. And of course, the show, you know, the show part of it to me was almost because, you know, had a little inkling that I made. My turn into the Vichit Show. You know, just, just from prior experience that, we just need a wall, we need more

bouncers, we need a wall. We need a bouncer named the wall. Well, you know what was fucked is when those two guys started throwing beers, I like, I crashed on the stage and said, dude, you got, like, you can't be doing that, but you, you got to go to the bar and just sit and relax for a while. Like, I've been you. I've done, I've thrown, I honestly tried to reason with them. Yeah, like, you just got got a they were just too far. Just go sit down and you're fine and you'll be fine. But, you

know, I've been I've been I've not listened to that advice too. So they were a little too far along to heed that advice. Yeah. I think. All right. Let me see here. Talk to a couple couple people there. It I believed they're at Philly too. One was from there are two two buddies one from Birmingham, Alabama, one from Atlanta. Yeah. I think that was loose. I think people were flying. It was so many people were there that were at Philly from Sweden. Yes. I know. Oh, there was somebody from Sweden. Yeah. Yeah. So it was at the Philly show too, nice guy. Yeah, it was the same guy. Um, not the guy that Peach had a problem with. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Different guy. Should I. Oh, later I found out that Peach was 100% correct about that. Because I had, I was like, uh, Saraj was there too. And Saraj was like, that guy was getting handsy. Oh, yeah. And I was like, and, and she, and he was was no, okay, whatever. I'm doing like he, he, all right. I'm just saying, now I heard it from two girls. Well, I'm just saying. Oh, also as for the pin the tail on the Randy, I saw two people do it. There was one guy, Marcos, and then from the Reddit,

I forget his name, it was either Jeb or AIDS. What's Hanzy? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was telling you, here's what I heard. That's a serious claim. What I heard was,

are we talking Ben Affleck? No, Harvey Weinstein. What I heard was, there was Boob Gravidge. And it's like, you don't do that. You put your hand around someone, and then maybe your hand goes a little for a selfie, and I don't know what's going to happen. But it's like, no.

You cannot do that either. Okay, I'm just saying, but that's an understandable thing. You have no reason to go like, honk. There's no, there's no plausible honk. I mean, I don't know. I didn't, I didn't see it.

I'm just saying, I don't know. I'm just saying. But anyway, here's something funny that Randy did. Randy was telling other people that they were Randy. Randy was like, that guy is Randy, that Asian guy is Randy. I'm not Randy. He is Randy. It's like fucking Randy Goddamn it.

That's hilarious. He's like, he gets very funny. He's very funny when he's, he has a little bit of drink. We're at opening day with him. He becomes a very impish. Yeah, he's like a little, a little, a fuck, a funny little troublemaker. Cause he's a bad guy. Cause likes being a bad guy. He does like being a bad guy.

Everybody thinks that when they get around me, they're allowed to be a bad guy. I don't know. Yeah. I'm sorry. Can I interrupt you? What were you talking about? No. I don't know why I don't feel comfortable just like, like you know Not giving somebody a chance to defend themselves big like I just don't feel good about that. That's all look I'm someone who has been falsely accused. Yeah of assault by a woman. Yeah, like I'm in college

An ex-girlfriend of mine is there hanging out with the RD a Pattern in the back. I'm like, hey, what's going on? And she goes, you punched me. And I go, no, I didn't. I just pat her down the back. This RD saw it. And she's like, no, no, you punched me. That night, guys come over to my fucking dorm room

and try to beat the shit out of me. Yeah. Luckily, I'm on a date with another girl. The only reason my name gets clear to you later is that this girl pulls the same exact accusing of assaulting Luckily, I'm on a date with another girl. The only reason my name gets cleared a year later is that this girl pulls the same exact accusing of assaulting to another ex-boyfriend, hers. I remember that.

Exactly. So it's like, look, I get it. But you can't just believe everyone who says something happened. But at the same time, now I'm hearing from two people, two writing partners. I haven't heard that. I haven't heard that. I heard it the other day. I heard it the other day.

I heard it the other day. That's a big, that's a way different than I'm gonna fight you. I agree. That's, usually you get one or the other. You don't go, I'm gonna fight you and grab your tits. I didn't hear about the fight thing, and I don't know why I'm in. That's why I thought it was a fight.

That's what I thought the problem was. The physical, the fight, that was the fight thing and I don't know why I thought it was a fight. That's what I thought the problem was the physical the fight. That was the only thing that I heard. Yeah. Now I heard it was I heard it was another thing. I didn't hear about the fight to a fight, which is weird. That's what at the end of the show. Yeah. I don't know why you would challenge someone who's got a neck like a jenga stack to a

fight. Yeah. So just a normal like way to pick chicks up and fill you just go, Joe, maybe you got a a nice set of tits. I'm gonna kick your ass later. Is that just what they do? No, I got a clue. Okay. I know cool. I only tell you what I heard he's from Sweden Oh, yeah, that that might might have something to do. Maybe that's what they do in Sweden. He's reviving the old Viking tradition Yeah, I don't know look nobody likes nobody likes accusing someone in absentia. Nobody likes accusing someone without them here to defend themselves. I'm just telling you what I heard.

All I can say is, well, yeah, you did it. Thank you for telling us that. What else do I got here? Now we gotta get to the bottom of it. Well, now we have to know what, now we have to know all the sides of the story. I didn't think this thing would have legs. It doesn't have to have legs. Isn't it a big deal though? Well, don't you want to know what the hell happened? I always have. Yeah. You always, I always have wanted to know what happened in that mess sure yeah me too Have the sweet guy calling

I Mean I don't even know if peach wants to talk about it. Well, that's the thing None of these girls like I know I was very upsetting. I have no fucking as like yeah, I mean Kind of I don't know yeah, nothing I can do. It was a, it was a, he said, she said until Sriracha was like, no, I was there and this is what happened. But here's the thing, you wanna get these girls, Sriracha and Peter both comedians, like they're not gonna wanna come on this mic

and not be funny and tell you like this, this is happened because then they're like victims forever. And you know, you're doing it on their behalf, what the hell is this? I don't, you're the one that brought this whole thing up? I did not. I did not bring it up. Who brought up the sweet? You.

No, it's different. I did not bring this up. No, I brought up. I brought up the different sweet. We brought up the country of Sweden. And then somebody got up and in jail. I paid my girlfriend's ass. Take us back.

Take us back. No, I'll tell you what, I said, I said, wait, the same guy who was it, because Kion said, So you brought it up. Kion said, he said, he said, I think he was at the Philly one too. I said, wait, that guy, the same guy,

thinking it was the guy that you're talking about. And you know, different guy. And then he said, oh, by the way, I found out I was right about that. I mean, he was very disrespectful. Yeah, very. I saw I witnessed that. But now you're talking about full on, that's assault brother.

Well, yeah, what did you grab her boob? You know what I'm talking about? That assault or battery. What is it, Keon? Oh, well, that could be a sexual battery, depending. Sexual battery. Yeah, that is a big difference than being a jerk. 647.6.

So I just want to make it, yeah. From somebody who either did it or it happened to. You want to say that? That's it. That's all I need. Do you want to text Peach and ask her? No, I don't. I don't know why I don't think she would want to say that's it. I don't that's all I need. Do you want to text Peach and ask her? No, I don't. I don't know why I don't think she would want to talk about it.

Of course she wouldn't. Yes, she definitely doesn't. This guy was drunk out of his ass. Whatever he says, who knows? This guy was fucking wasted. Uh-huh. Everybody was fucking wasted. I hadn't heard anything about a boob grabbing.

I heard that this weekend. All right. Well, nobody, nobody did anyone get there. I hope nobody got their boobs grabbed it. I know I did some boob grabbing. But they signed Melissa's tits. I hope that's all good. I don't say doubt it. Yeah. I'm gonna call in next week and tell you. Oh yeah. Okay. All right, Stere stereo. You fucking controversy. Just listen to the bitch. All right. The okay. What was the point of bringing that up? He brought it up. A no. Yes. He did. Not say. It's not like you use that as an opportunity to bring up something. I'm a little

bit. I just said about someone else. Okay. I legitimately asked the question, the same guy. No, he would show up again like that kind of a thing. Yeah. Not the same guy. That was my only question. We've got two, look, we've got two paths we can walk down here. We can either leave this alone or we can pursue it to the fullest. And it's your show.

Uh-huh, whatever you want. What's the fullest? We find out what the fuck happened between this weird Swedish guy who's saying, if I took you outside and fought you, I'd beat the shit out of you. Yeah. Just a racha and peach. Or out of nowhere? I don't know. Here's what I'm seeing though.

You're seeing heat here. You see a story and you're tugging at the threads, like a good detective. You don't know what the truth is. Well, no, because I don't like this, like somebody said something bad about someone. Like that's what fucked me over. It's what's fucked me over. Okay. Yeah.

That's what I don't like about it. I completely understand. You're not liking the idea of somebody being tried via hearsay and in absentia. Yeah. Obviously. By something you didn't see, somebody said, told me they saw something else. Yes. You know, I think we got a good business model here, Somebody said told me they saw something else. Yes You know, I think we got a good business model here a steroids You should start up the a stereos co-conos detective agency for people accused of Hainus sexual acts. You'll only represent perves or people accused of being perves

Make a lot of money and that cards at UCB make a lot of money and that car is at UCB. No, I can't. You're talking at this thread, dude. Because it's very uncomfortable. It's very uncomfortable. The entire thing is very uncomfortable. Well, yes, of course it is. Because we all go to the, we all go to Philly,

we all go to the Dix show. We wanna have a good time. And all of a sudden, peaching the other guy, squaring off. And we don't know the whole time. We don't know what's up. The whole time. You told me that the night before they'd been squaring off.

Yeah. Right. I mean, it's called Hater Game. Fucking works for a reason. I don't do it. It's dirty. It's dirty stuff. It's dirty business.

I like, I like treating women, I like pretending to respect women. That's my game. I like laying it on real thick over the top. Niceness, you know, but there's a dark side. When the fucking works. 10% of the time, it works all the time. And I saw a lot of that, a lot of hate going on, a lot of hated game being played.

But now you're saying, we escalated into full on, what did we say, sexual battery? Woof, I don't know. You're looking at me with a pleading face. I like what? Did it happen? I'm looking at you to say, by continuing to talk about this.

Well, now we gotta find out what happened. Because you, and I don't even think you realize you're doing this, but as a truth seeker, you're pulling on the thread. You want to know what happened. You want to know who's lying. Who's telling the truth? Not lying. Again, it's, I'm seeing it like a good detective. You are pulling on the thread. But it's like, I don't know that you want to follow this story. Of course

I do because it's nothing happens in a vacuum. I just don't, I think that's the thing. What the hell happened? There was thousands of people were invested in it. I know. I wonder what happened to. And now it's being escalated to something a lot worse than what I heard that it was. And what I read that it was.

All right, let me run upstairs. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no but I'll be right back. Okay, we're back. I heard you guys doing some story straightening out upstairs. Sriracha's on now. Hi. Hello. Excuse me. Welcome to the show. You'll notice that I asked that question very loudly. It was Sean in the room.

Yeah. So what happened? Sean, did you notice that? What happened to the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened to the... So, how do we start with this bullshit? What?

Story straightening out the are you talking about? You guys are talking, I asked her what happened. Yeah. And then I asked her, you wanna come on Mike and talk about it? Okay. She said yes. There's those story-streeting out. That's what happened.

Okay, let me preface this by saying I was pretty ass face. Okay. At the pre-show. So, Peach was taking photos with guests. And there was a dude that I think was a little drunk and getting too handsy and she... What does that mean getting too handsy? I don't know, I didn't see.

Okay. But then she says to him to basically piss off and stop doing that. And then he threatened to beat the shit up. How, what were the words, how did that go? I don't remember. You don't remember. No. Do you remember where it was? Yeah, it was out. Do you what were the words? How did that go? I don't remember. You don't remember?

No. Do you remember where it was? Yeah, it was out. Do you remember how the venue there was the chairs and then the back there was a bar area? Yeah. That's where it took place. And then the out in the vestibule, the lobby? Yeah.

Not in the lobby. In like, with the bar on the inside of the venue. Okay. And you heard, what did you, do you remember exactly what you heard? Like verbatim now. Okay. She said like dude, stop doing that or like. Stop doing what?

Like. She was saying get away from me? Yeah. Like stop, like physically stop touching me? Yes, because I remember I was trying to play bodyguard there and if I get the dude away from me. And you saw her get grabbed. No, I didn't see her get grabbed.

I only got involved when I heard her start telling him to get away from her. Okay, so you didn't see it. No. All right, I mean, I, I'm not saying, I'm not saying anybody's a fucking hero here. Just saying, it's a big fucking seeing, seeing someone get grabbed.

It's different than thinking that there's, you know, something going on that there shouldn't be going on. I completely agree. All right. I'm not gonna tell you, I didn't see any of this. I had no idea that Sriracha was involved in this until this weekend. Okay.

I didn't know. And so I guess earlier before when I said that this dude was grabbing girls' tits, I thought I'd heard something that I didn't. It was obviously here say and I apologize. We got to the bottom of it. Sean. Wait, quickly, but we didn't. What was the bottom of it? Because here's what I want to know. Okay. It's like, what were you there for? What were you not there for? I want to know like because this story like nobody knows what the deal is with this whole story. I know. So I remember Siratch was wearing sunglasses all night and was cool and was protecting

Very cool. Thank you. She was essentially Hang around 80s girl and peach mark because dudes were like fuck it with them And so you were playing my bodyguard. Yes so like Do you think that this dude was an actual threat to peach like do you think you wanted to fight her? I think he was no Like, do you think that this dude was an actual threat to Peish? Like, do you think you wanted to fight her? I think he was, no. I think he was way too drunk and thought that she would let that slide and didn't.

But then again, you need to call her to ask because I told you, I don't exactly remember verbatim would happen. Okay. Okay. So I just want to make sure, let's see what is correct and what's incorrect. Because I said that you witnessed this dude getting hands you with Pete so I was wrong about that. Correct.

Correct. You did not know judgment no judge. Wait, let's get let's get all the facts out because we got started. All right, so I was wrong about that and I apologize. That's okay. I understand, but you know what when you fuck up you got to say you fucked up just one time and you already did. All right, good.

But. Just one time and you already did. All right, good. But, but you witnessed this dude saying he wants to beat her up. He said, if I remember correctly, do you want it if we went outside right now, I would beat the shit out of you. If we went outside. Yes. So it was an over, it was an over reaction to something. Was it in response to anything?

If we went outside. I don't want, I mean, I wasn't her. I don't know if she felt that the guy was actually threatening her, but I just think he was drunk and set it off hand. And he didn't think that she was going to call him out on it. Did she say like, oh, kick your ass? No.

Oh, no. No, it was unprompted. Good to know. It was unprompted. Okay, good, kick your ass? No. Oh, no. No, it was unprompted. Good to know. It was unprompted. Mm-hmm. Okay, good, but if we went outside, where the hell would that come from? That's the question.

It's like, who's talking about physicality here? Yeah. And I want to, I can never do that. You can't ever do that. And you were there and I wasn't. I want to know what you saw and what you heard. What do you mean? That's the, yeah.

That's it. Up to say. All right, Siracha, thank you. You're welcome. You want to listen to voice mails with us? Yeah, sure. We got a couple. All right.

Are you on science fiction? Oh, yeah. Sometimes. Okay. Not anymore. You're a man with the sweetest. Sweet talking about you. Oh, yeah.

So this is not trying to get you down there for the show's peak of time, you were like, I gotta help my mom move a hutch. It was not a hutch, it was an arm war. Either way, you should have been on my show. Fuck you, slavinely, fuck. It's an arm war. Not a hutch. It was not a hutch, it was an arm-war. Either way, you should have been on my show. Fuck you, Slavinly. Fuck, that's an arm-war. Not a hutch. You need to put the headphones on if you want to. Oh, okay. Yes, sorry. Yeah. Hey, dick coach cake. So, I started 10iping, swiping going through it. I found a problem unique to this platform because it's not something that we found

before on like Facebook or Instagram because on those you always saw people or you generally saw people that you've before, and you kind of know you can, you look at a erected name, you know, oh yeah, that's, that's fabrod. But you start swiping through on this fucking tinder shit, and you see this fucking chick with, you know, real close-up of her face, and maybe she's got a goofy Snapchat filter, or, you know, she's standing behind your friends, and you look at and you realize she's in the back row of this photo of all of her friends and there's two chicks in front of her trying to cover her up. What's going on here?

What's going on in there? She nailed it again. It will get you every time. It's the technology. Sean. No. Fat chicks wasting my time on Tinder. Well, someday, someday they'll look back at this time

in history of online dating, and they'll laugh at us for having a two-dimensional picture that can be used for trickery and treachery. Google Street V. By whales, yeah. In the future, it'll just be a hologram that you cannot hide from. You know what I'm saying?

That'll be the new picture. It'll have all the data. You can't hide from. You know what I'm saying? That'll be the new picture. It'll have all the data. You can't hide from that shit. Specs. There will be no my space angle in the future. It won't even have a lens. It will just take a snapshot of reality. Yeah.

Excuse me. That you aren't able to disguise yourself from. What are you saying? Excuse me for it. Because of my phone. Oh, that you weren't able to disguise yourself from. What are you saying? Excuse me for it. Because I followed my phone, was it buzzing? Oh, okay. I thought you farted. No.

Okay. I got all that out of my system this morning, almost when I busted all the nails out of the two by four in the house, rattling it down. Just, all right, one more. Let's do one more. One more. This investigation, really got out a control. I'm just

over half the show it can what prompted that well I said the same guy there There we go. More misinformation. Yeah. This is what the left does. I do one more. Did it show what makes me rage from each and working? It's, it's from this. There's too much rage over them. Maybe it's not, they're not that big a deal. Remember in the that like the early odds in the late 90s Everybody wanted to be a skater even if he didn't even if he couldn't kick flip he A pair of DCs and that and that's just like The only reason we're

Yeah, you're a stoner. It's our player. Yeah, you're gonna have to get some of around But you were a skater. I love it guys You know, a lot of polls is not there. And I think being a feminist is that version now, maybe for ladies. It's just... Sriracha, you said that? It's just a stupid... Yeah, sure.

Okay. Fav. I'm a feminist. Why are you going to place this male feminist? We go at a hot topic. It's full of crap. I guess it was a feminist look like. And this story, the Princess Cesar's self.

We need you to try and what the Prince is going to do with the Princess Hazerself. He's going to become a fat son with a belly and she's going to become a cat's booster. I think, you know, we all are just going to calm down, strip the voting rights from women and just for that. Pretty good set up. Yeah, pretty good set up. You know, yeah, that's what would happen as soon as they stopped. Like, I hated too, but as soon as they, if they ever took a break, feminists, one, if they took one day off, that 19th amendment would evaporate. That's it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'll put this bit. Let's all, let's all admit it. That we're all, if women took one week and off,

we'd be the UAE. We'll be Saudi Arabia with two hours. If these chicks, they almost did it too. They tried it, they were gonna boycott Twitter, but then they're like, wait a minute, we stopped talking. We're gonna be in Berkaz, before the end of the day. Yeah, it's a tough system.

They didn't take the day off work either. They didn't take the day off work either. I didn't take the day off work either. I think he's right. Andrew from Eugene, Oregon is on to something. One more? Yeah, fuck it. You know, it makes me a rage. How do we use it?

Think about it. Christmas rolls around like right after November 1st, and like, ah, fuck, now I to do with Christmas songs for basically two months but for months and a half or fuck whatever anyhow October rolls around and you have to deal with how lean needs it for the entire month there's only one how you know what your match names that's the only how it's out can't fuck do it because they don't, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what,

you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know, what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you what, what, you know what, you know what, you

what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you what, you know, what, you know, you what, you know what, you know what, you what, you what, you what, you what, you what, you what, you what, you you what, you what, you what, you what wrote Christmas songs to be Halloween-based. Yeah. Because the tunes are catchy. And there's too much time to listen. There's not enough time to listen to all of them. They just got to replace some of the words like with Santa Cuck. We could just listen to Christmas songs all year and change

the words. So at Easter, it's about, well, I guess it's still about Jesus. Yeah. But then like Halloween rolls around and then you're singing Deck the Hulls, but it's about, well, I guess it's still about Jesus. But then Halloween rolls around, and then you're singing Deck the Holes, but it's like pumpkin lyrics and ghosts and shit. Pumpkin balls.

I was in a, what did you say, Kian? Already do that with, you can go on YouTube right now. There's a, I forget the name, but this group that does like, Oh fuck, you gotta say it into the mic. That's all right. In college, Joan Ford and I were both in a band called manheim

Scream roller. That's a good band. Which took Christmas songs and Halloween to fight them. We did exactly what you're talking about and one time we were all recording manheim scream roller videos in the college studio and Senator Ted Kennedy came by and looked in the window and watched us all being singing, I don't fucking forget, jingle hells or whatever the fuck. Your boys got to help me hide a girl. Yeah.

All right, that's it. See you next Tuesday. See you in Chicago for the Jazz Festival. Play some music. Have some jazz. Yeah, you'll love to come call us or see him, love it. No, just not gonna be any debauchery of any kind. Oh no. Not gonna go.

Nothing. Guys, everyone's gonna be just the normal random violence. Yeah, just everyone's gonna be very civilized. They're gonna sit in their seat. They're gonna raise their hand to talk. Yeah, they've got something to say. Did you notice some of those, so some of those hand raises last night? Like, look, look, look a little third bricy.

Don't start with that. No, this one too did. The whole here we go. There was a guy who is doing a lot of.. Okay, good night. Literally. God damn it. All right, get out of here. You told me there was hands in this. Why don't you just call Peter when she comes back? I don't want to make her talk about it. You're going to make me talk about it. Yeah, it's very awesome. Yeah.

All right, see you. All right. See you. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye. Thank you for listening.