The Dick Show - Episode 73 - Dick on F*ck Whales

Episode Date: October 24, 2017

"F*ck Whales" bombs, the economics of publishing, #MeToo Musical Chairs, a sure-fire fix for power-tripping policemen, Crocodile Dundude hunts the Australian Internet Outback for book sales, Madcucks returns for Road Rage: Chicago, shutting down crosswalks for children, several songs about cucks, cutesy error messages, the Lena Dunham meme hero, the trans Playboy issue, blurring lines, misremembering the A-Team, and I'm writing a new book; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Here we go. Fuck. Scrolling. Oh boy. Okay. Oh Jesus Christ. Oh no. Alright.

Here we go everybody. Is that a cake? No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Welcome to dick You want dick you need dick you love dick it's a show Where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker, from a concrete bunker in the side of the mountain. Excuse me. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. With me is always a Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Dick.

Hey, what's up, buddy? Oh, boy, Sean. I just saw something. I can't read the monitor. I said it's very like a first shallow angle from here. Ah, sure. But I'm looking at a graph and I've, whatever you see a graph that looks like that,

it doesn't denote good things. Oh, it doesn't denote good things, doesn't, except in this case. Oh. Ah. Ah. Ah. Oh man. Is that a graph of bitcoins escalating value ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a graph of the housing crisis, or is it a graph of Maddox's failing new book, Fuck Whales,

going straight into the crapper. This is Sunday. So I just want to say it's Sunday in case there's a sudden spike in sales of the book. I'll did a look embarrassing me carrying on like this, right? If it spikes to number one on Monday, a week out. Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's hard work selling a book. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, books are, books are not where it's at anymore, I don't think. It's a real marathon, you know?

You gotta put in the work, you gotta put in the time. You can't just show up every once in a while. It's like being a dad, being a writer, you understand, being an author. You gotta put in the time. You gotta show up every year. Show that you're still alive. That's true.

Put something out there. Say what you're about Stephen King and his ridiculous writing, but he shows up, doesn't he? He shows up. He's got a body of work. Yeah. He shows up.

He wrote like three books last week. He wrote three books last week? He writes so many books. He's got to write new guys. He. He shows up. I think he wrote like three books last week. He wrote three books last week? You write so many books, he's got a, he's got a right new guys. He writes so many books. Yeah. Ah, but it is hard. You can't just show up 10 years later

when your kid is a teenager and drop a shitty, rehashed book of life lessons on him and expect it to take off, can you? Well, I wouldn't think so. Oh, man. Fuck whales. The whales fucked you, buddy. No whales were fucked in this case.

Why? That's the greatest thing ever. You got to explain it. You got to explain it. You got to explain it, because I'm looking. I can't see it. Okay, so here's a graph of Maddox's new books sales. Maddox's new book came out on Tuesday.

Frick whales. FAC whales. I don't know what it's supposed to be. F asterisk, CK whales. I see. Could go a lot of ways. Could go a lot of ways. Foc whales,

yeah, thick whales, physiquails, like an FZ, CK, sub to your imagination. Right. You know what else is up here? Imagination, why buy this book? When I could just listen to it on the biggest problem in the universe.

Oh, it's all rehashed content, that's what I'm saying. I see, I see. So here's the graph that we're looking at. I'll print this and put it on the site. This is the funniest. This is the funniest graph I've ever seen. I never knew graphs could be so hilarious. Yeah, but this one is. Well, they have a very, they have a dry humor.

Graphs, they're gay too. They're not Gallagher. No. Especially watermelon. It's a sophisticated humor. Sophisticated humor. Sometimes I'll flip through a perspective. So I'll see the sales projections.

You just laugh myself silly at night. Suitable for publications like The New Yorker. Yeah, that's what graph humor. That's what this will be. This is a New Yorker joke. This graph will warrant better. The housing bubble or Maddox's book. See a little twist on an old favorite there.

That's better than the New Yorker. Yeah, better than the New Yorker. Debuted, let's see, according to this graph, debuted at 1700, number 1700 in the world. Yeah. I want to go through the math on this because I think it's fun. Because I mean, basically I can just retire this podcast at this point. Okay. Because this is the, this is the win scenario, I say. You know, this is the helicopter out of whatever it was in Vietnam that that helicopter was lifting,

what were they lifting the AT out of? Oh, sure, okay. Remember that? That's what, what was that helicopter doing in Vietnam? In the opening? Yeah. No, at the end of Vietnam, it's like the last helicopter out of Vietnam.

It's a very famous picture. So famous that neither of us know what the hell was going on. What it meant. You referenced the A team because I think that's a funnier version of it. That helicopter was the A team in Vietnam. that's a funny version of it. Okay. That helicopter was the A team. I always think of the end of Platoon. I think of helicopter rides in Vietnam.

Oh. Let me just take a sip out of my dick show souvenir. Yeah. Water bottle there. What's it say on there? Did you write something? No, the guys who made it wrote it. They wrote King Dick, the tiny face on it.

God, those things are so good. Yeah. They wanted to give me a special one. So they wrote King Dick, the tiny face on it. God, those things are so good. They wanted to give me a special one. So they wrote King Dick, the tiny face. I think they gave us all a special one. I talked to those guys. I think they're gonna send me the extras so I can put them on the store

and just get, send them out for whoever wants one. Oh cool. There's a limited amount, but I'm gonna throw them up on the store, shopped at Dick that show. Yeah. They're cool. I like how you take that show. Yeah, they're cool. I like how you're told it. They're really fucking cool. Yeah, how you told them.

I can't believe it. You told the story great too when you came out because it was exactly what happened. Oh yeah, right. Not how cool it was and how cool I am. And Diego's girlfriend is like, why is it face so small? Yeah, it's exactly what happened.

It was perfect. Yeah, it was perfect. Okay, fuck whales. Debuts at 1700. It's launch day. Now, this is my experience in publishing because a lot of people don't know what these numbers mean. And I happen to, because I've had similar numbers.

Many better than women debuted at 288, I think. That's sales rank in the world. That's all you know, a family's on is's sales rank in the world. That's all you know, a Amazon is where it was in the world. And then you can calculate how many books were sold based on experience. The numbers come in long after. You don't get to know those, but you kind of know having been through it.

Is that because they do shoddy accounting like the record industry? No, they do great, they do great accounting. Okay. Actually, they're accounting for them or for accuracy. For accuracy. Okay. They even have it built into your contract.

You can get a, like a third party audit. Okay. So that's much more honest industry than... Well, it's run by chicks. Publishing is run by lit chicks who just love to read. I wish I had read that. That's why it's fucking, that's why publishing is just failing. Cause nobody runs it like a fucking business.

You want to hear a great publishing story? This happened around men or better than women time. They were writing, the publishing industry was writing these fucking gigantic advances. So these chicks would get all excited about getting some new celebrity on like somebody from the, like Joy Bayhars book. We got to get Joy Bayhars book on here. We got to somehow get a book. So when you open it, it goes, we got to get, we got to

get a team of engineers to somehow put a mule in a miniature mule in a book. So then we open it up it just goes, ha, we gotta do it, it's gonna be a great book but we need her to sign off on it. So we're gonna give her a million bucks. Yeah. And in reality, these people don't fuck and need a million dollars to write a book.

Like, did nobody's negotiating on their side? So corporate came down and said, look, you guys are writing million, because the way it works and publishing is you get your advance, let's say it's a million dollars, and you don't get paid until your royalties earn back your advance. So it's like, you know, that's similar to the record industry, there's there's no fuckery. Yeah, like they don't write off expenses. It's like look you here's your advance. Here's a million bucks and every book you sell you get a dollar. It's about right. That's where I got I see it's about normal and then you've got to sell a million books. To start making money again so people like that. You're not gonna get your fucking advance back right sure the publishing company just has to make the million bucks back in profit. Yeah.

You know, they don't have to sell a million to make money. They just have to sell whatever the profit would have been, right? Exactly. You understand. That's where advances work. So people said, Hey, you guys are giving out million dollar advances and $200,000 to people who do not make it, like we don't even make it back on the printing. So no more, no more advances, no more million dollar advances, 100,000 tops, 100,000 tops. Next fucking deal. Check comes in.

We got next next great superstar. Girls got a blog about cats, right? Okay, what's the deal? What did you offer her? Did you stick to our, did you stick to our $100,000 advance? Oh, even better. You don't understand how popular this internet girl is with the cats blog.

Not only did we give her one deal for 100,000, we gave her a 10 book deal at 100,000. Oh, this is, this is a real story. I was told, you know, it's real that it a real story. I was told. You know, it's real that it is a story. Oh. Anyway, so Maddox, fuck Wales comes out at 1700. It's about, that's selling about a hundred books a day.

Uh-huh. For the uninitiated, just so you know. Okay. Next day, next day drops to 2600. Uh-huh. It's about 77 books a day. Next day, drops to 3000. 3000th in the world. 69 books a day. You understand what I'm saying? And if it has to stay this the whole day for those sales to hit. So we're talking about now, right now, Maddox is sitting at 8,000th. I mean, that's almost, Sean, that's almost 10,000th place.

Yeah. In the world. That's like 30 books a day. If the publishers make in 10, but he's not gonna sell a thousand books, I don but he's not going to sell a thousand books. I don't, I don't think he's going to sell a thousand books out of this. Wow. For a book that took five fucking years to write that started off, that started off as

just a collection of the website with a badass cover on it that sold two fans. Easiest thing in the world, right? And I know that's what it started at because I was there. I was there looking at the fucking contract. And I said, yeah, it's a great idea. Get some money in your pocket, get that advanced in, get the book out, get your name out there, give you time to think about the next one.

Absolutely do it. You gotta buy yourself time, you know? do it. You gotta buy yourself time. You know, you always gotta buy yourself time. Most valuable thing in the world, time. You can buy it, do it. So you guys know, man, no. It needs to be 50%. It needs to be 20% fresh.

Content. Is that true? Sure. Why not? Have fun with that. How many articles is that? How many can you write a year? Two, three, okay.

Who, it's just time, right? You've got an infinity of time. There's not bills rent stacking up every fucking month that needs to be paid off. Go ahead, write it. 20 turns into 50. 50 turns into 100. Maddox turns into a rape list accuser.

Books still churn in a way. The best book in the universe turns into fuck whales. Now we're here. The universe turns into fuck whales. Now we're here. Ah, what is the best thing in life? Conquer your enemies? Shodan Freud. No, no, no, see there, see there are enemies driven

before you hear the lamentations of their women. I've done the third one. This is, I don't know which one this is. Jesus Christ. This is, I don't know which one this is. Jesus Christ. So if his advance was 50 grand, right? Yeah, which sounds like that would be substantial in this day and age. Yes, but I think it's commensurate with like,

this is what you sold in the past, you hit number one, you got some name to straight on. Well, yeah, and they do base it on that, right? I mean, among other things, like if book sales are just down across the board compared to 10 years ago, which I'm sure they are, I'm sure they factor that in, but also the fact is, you know, how bankable are you? Yeah.

Seems about right. You'd need to sell if every book bought the, made the publisher 10 bucks, you need to sell 5,000 books. Yeah. I don't think this is going to sell 1,000. Yeah. That's straight. That's 50 grand, man. No more books. Yeah. No more book deals. Well, and those industries are what have you done for me lately, of course. So. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh.

That's a little class. I don't even care. This might be the driest, most boring. Oh, God. Oh boy. I haven't heard that one in years. No. Oh, yes. Oh boy. I haven't heard that one in years. No.

That's your release. All right. What do we want to talk about today? Let's see. Sean, there's a trans model on Playboy. What? Do you know about that? There's a trans woman.

Really? On Playboy. It's, you know what? There's not enough trans women on playboy. He's not even, he's not even called. He's not even called, yeah. Not even called. Not even called.

Not even called. I, I, I mean, come on, guys. You couldn't wait, you couldn't wait like a year. At least. Maybe he would have wanted it that way. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Maybe in his will, he's like, I'm gonna wait like a year, at least. Maybe he would have wanted it that way. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Maybe in his will, he's like, hey, I want this immediately.

Do this, do this immediately. Get this, do, get this, get this, trans. What do you think the term is gonna be after when trans woman has become offensive? When trans woman? Yeah Because it's gotta be it's gonna be like we're gonna look back at ourselves and we're grandpa's and go like oh my god I can't believe we used to say that word. I don't know what a horrible thing to say look. There's not enough That everybody's getting all pissed off About playboy which nobody reads they're like a he bitch. No

Which nobody fucking reads everybody who's pissed off doesnitch. No, nobody, which nobody fucking reads. Everybody who's pissed off doesn't buy it. Don't give me that shit. Yeah. Ugh, but it's not enough. I wanna see every, I want, I want, I want a trans woman in every, on every cover. I want every actress.

I wanna go straight back to Michelangelo's time. Where everything is dudes. You think that wage gap? You think the wage gap is tough at 75, 100%, it's gonna be zero, because it's gonna be best actress, Academy Award, trans woman, whatever. Nobel Prize. God, that would piss him off so much women.

Could you imagine? I don't know. Let's see here. Assault was picking up again this week that me too. Assault tag? Yeah, did you read about that? Did you see anybody post that me too, shit? No.

Nobody? Oh, you don't use Facebook, huh? That's right. Man, it was like Facebook or Twitter. Yeah. So the Harvey Wainers team shit happened where a bunch of actresses got, got, you know, here we go. Yeah.

Variant degrees. Variant here we go. Yeah, varying degrees, varying degrees of assaulted. Yeah, I, yeah. I think you're going to say varying degrees of careers. Yeah. Yeah. I was waiting for the varying degrees of careers, right? Mm-hmm. Which, maybe I'm alone in this, but I don't really see celebrities as people.

Oh. So it's kind of like it feels like they understand it from a sentiment. Yeah. It's, I'd feel a lot more about this if it was like someone who was normal, if a good portion of them weren't terrible people. I would, it's just, it's just different. It's just different. It is.

Yeah. It is. It is. So then, then, So then then then Holly would win on a campaign to convince everybody that they weren't the Catholic church because a little bit a little bit a hanky, hanky happens in the church. They quick about it. And this is something that we've talked about, and I remember you telling the story about, and I don't want to derail too much, but. No, it's okay.

When you were first, I think when you first got a manager, when you were starting to make some waves and have some ideas and get your way into the entertainment industry, your manager told you, he said, have some ideas and get your way into the entertainment industry. Your manager told you, he said, Dick, I don't know if you know this, but the entertainment industry is a tiny place. And you said, or maybe you're telling me that you said, actually, I did know this because

it's what my buddy always says. And that was the end that you're talking about. Me, that's the first thing that I learned was how small the entertainment industry really is. It is tiny. Everyone is one degree, two degrees away from everybody else. So for anybody who thinks that this wasn't a well-known fact,

you are kidding yourselves. So fucking do not believe anybody who says that. They all knew and they all look the other way. And I don't believe one person. Believe me. Well, known. I heard things when I was 19 or 20. Yeah.

And I don't believe one single person, even now, would give up anything to stop anything. Like they're the worst people on the fucking planet. They will do anything to get a single, to get one more person to look at them. It's not. I don't disagree. All of it. All of it is a gigantic fucking sham that has turned into, let shit on men. Like, yeah, okay, you guys, you guys got a big fucking problem. No, no, no, no says Hollywood. We've got a big problem We've got a big problem. I don't have I don't have shit of a fucking problem over here dudes. You guys got the fucking problem not me Not fucking me not to me not to me to not it's not a fucking men problem. It's a you guys problem when it's shot,

when a high powered beam is shined on them, then all of a sudden it's like, oh no, we're all in this together. Yeah, and it's never gonna fucking change, right guys? Yeah, we're all guilty of this. Like, no, we're fucking not, cuz I don't have any power at all Let's just all own it. Let's all own it. Let's all let's all own how disgusting we are no you guys are fucking disgusting I do a podcast built on respect for women

My car runs on respect for women. Yeah, I eat respect for women every day My car runs on respect for women. I eat respect for women every day. You guys fucking, and that shit's in the bullshit that comes out of it. How does your car get out of the driveway? Yeah. Computers. Oh, it runs on, it's a new kind of car.

Flex fuel. It runs half on Ethereum and half on respect for women. I see. You know, in the future, when everything runs on a crypto fuel, you get very, very, very crypto fuel. Yeah, it's not the petro dollar anymore. It's a cryptographic fuel that it runs, everything digital. Sean, right. In the future. What's I going to say? The Julian Assange, who I don't know why he's like not the most celebrated man in the fucking world. Yeah, you know, he said this about it.

I pull it up. Here's what Julian Assange says about it too. When I totally agree, women, I'll let you in a little male secret. Men know that constantly self-proclaiming male feminists are often predatory sleaze bags. They're intensely disliked by other men because of their manipulative qualities and not in general because they are viewed to be sex traitors. So summing it up, like the second anything like this me too, she happens to women, the

first fucking guys that come out of the woodwork, like the guy writing sorry on the beach and all the guys owning up to all the evil that men do are the fucking bad guys. Like that's what it's like, it's like inviting, it's like having a pedophile convention and just letting the first bus off. Well, you know, we're having a, we're having a, all these guys getting off to enjoy this show. They must be here to support us, right? No. You know, we're having a, we're having a, all these guys getting off to enjoy this show, they must be here to support us, right? No!

Are you fucking, kid, they're like sharks in the water circling around? Because most of us don't give a fuck! Oh, we know we can't stop it! You can't fucking stop, you can't talk anybody out of doing anything, man. Oh, so it's so frustrating, man. To see.

So we got the one part that struck me about it was the, just imagine it's the rock method of respecting women. Explain. Did you see this? Just imagine it's the rock? Yeah, it was going around I was like you don't know how to treat women. What's appropriate? Just imagine that you're talking to Doing rocks in the rock, right? Right, and it's like oh, here's a bunch of here's a bunch of scenarios that will never happen Yeah, what should you do and how should you act in this situation? And then imagine it's the rock instead of a sexy lady.

Got it. And that's how you should behave. It is like watching. It is like watching a religious school traveling show about abstinence or drugs with this shit because the extreme the extremism is like on the same level. It is like watching, reading about, reading these fucking PSAs on how to treat women are directed at God knows what. It's like watching a bunch of weird 20 year old improv artists come out and start beat boxing in like sweaters and fucking tie-dye pants, and like string paint and puffy paint pants. And like lecture about what God thinks about abstinence

and sex before a mayor is like, are you guys fucking, who is this addressed to? You self-congratulating fucks. How did you be, do you guys, are you not even aware of how dumb and tone deaf and pointless this is? I don't see how they could be. Ugh. There are times, it's happening more and more,

but sometimes I think I am legitimately losing my mind. Yeah. When I see this, it's like, who actually is believing this? Are the people who are putting these little performances on believing this? Or are there people out there who buy this? And sadly, I know there are people out there who buy this. But I, like, do you think bigger struggle with me is are the people who are putting this on? Do any of

them believe it? Because if any of them do, I'm frightened. It's psychotic. Like, do you think this cute meme is going to overpower millions of years of evolution and like a childhood of neglect and abuse? Yeah. You fucking morons. Like, can you take it seriously for one fucking second? Can any of you take it seriously for one second? No. It's like, because it's like watching a horror movie, Watching, watching chick's deal with these guys who might as well be screaming, there's something wrong with me. And I can tell, and you can tell,

and a ton of guys can tell. It's like watching a fucking horror movie. Don't text, don't go into the barn. Bitch, we're into the barn. Now she's dead. Yeah. It's not about treating, treating you like the fucking rock. There's no fixing this,

there's no fixing these people at all. You just gotta stay the fuck away from them. Well now that you put it that way, I totally see, I totally get it. You speak in my language. It's insane. Cute bullshit. It's insane. It's insane.

Yeah. It's the gentrification of the mind. It's ruined. It's ruined people's ability to understand how terrible everyone is. Mm. And with that, they can't understand the consequences of dealing with them.

I don't know. It's driving me fucking crazy this week, though. Ah. Every single, every fucking crazy this week, though. Every single, every single fucking one that comes out, huge, huge feminists, huge supporter of the cause, huge supporter of women. Is there nothing like extremely suspicious about that? Like, what does it even come from in your mind? Where does it go from? Yeah, I really wanna, I really hope I do great. I really wanna protect my shit and the people around me. And then you just invent an abstraction of some,

of someone that has nothing to do with you. Oh, I want this abstract archetype to do well too. I like, yeah, I support women support women where is that in your mind in your mind that's evolved purely on exchanging effort for benefit where the fuck does that come from where's the benefit uh... this equals i get laid yeah that's it it's a it's a fucking it's a fucking lure man to every single time it's a lure and they still do it though. Oh God, I'm an ally, I wanna be an ally.

I'm like, no you fucking don't. Where is this? Where, explain to me where that even fucking comes from man. I don't know. Just every time I see the backlash, like every time I see the backlash, like the, every time I see the card game, the, hide the shell game for hide, hide what really drove this assault, hide what actually drives sex assault.

It reminds me of the fucking zombies dogpiling in World War Z. Like, oh, me, me to me to me to me to and it's just a fucking mob a mob designed to just to target fucking men which most of it is yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of there's a shitload of real stuff in there, but give me a fucking break. I mean, here's that's yeah that that reminded me of something. Some of this stuff it's cheapening what the stuff that really happened. Of course. And that's what bugs me about it because when you start putting cat calling, some of this stupid shit on the same level as the serious shit, they completely cheapens and

what it's doing is it's polarizing moderate people. Dude, it's a, every day is like a new game of musical chairs that I don't want to fucking play. Yeah. Where you've got like the music stopped a long time ago. The only chairs that are left are our Hitler and rapist and racist and everybody is trying to cram their fat ass on that chair as hard as possible. Yeah. Like you're fucking, one person deserves to sit there, not you, shut the fuck up. Hmm.

Oh. All right. You know what else makes me a rage? What's that? Cute, cute error messages. Cute, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've come across those. Yeah, I was, we were trying to upload the video for Road Rage last week.

Oh my God. Oh, Sean, trying to get that video up. Now, where was it? Diego paid a friend of his to edit it, to film and edit it. Uh huh. How'd it come out? I mean, I've seen little things. No, it looked cool.

It's great. He put kind of a cool, it's kind of a cool filter on it too. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was, I don't know if some people probably didn't like it or whatever, but it was, people liked it. People liked it. Yeah. They love ripping on, you know, the people who were out of control at the show.

Yeah. They love it. Yeah. A hard his friend to do it, and it was Monday. His friend's like, ah, he said, paid extra it and it was Monday. His friend's like, ah, said, paid extra, get it by Monday, promise, have it by Monday. Deliver's it. And the fucking guy charging the stage was cut,

went, just went to black, no reason. So I didn't think you'd want that in there. It's too frightening. Oh, no. That's why who said that? Do you have to go to the editor? Oh, the editor said that. Oh, no, he's been he's been in the industry too long. Yeah, that's what that was. That was the best part. We need that part. Yeah, angel cakes. It needs to open with that and then be played every five minutes. And then he's like, well, I have the footage, but I gotta go to bed. Dude, what do you mean?

Come on, man, just finish the job. Well, he might, maybe he has a better understanding of what the dick show is or turns into in those live shows at this point. So I'm talking to Diego, man, you gotta get that, you gotta get that today. You've got it, I'm trying to, it's the juggling act of trying to get your shouting

through someone else. Yeah. You know what I mean? And how much of a, what's the resistance? So you know, measured in like, in ohms, it's like electrical current, right? What's his resistance to passing that on? Because you can yell at him directly.

I'll, that's where I said, just give me his, man. You give me his fucking number, I'll get it in 10 seconds. Yeah, it'll be, nothing that you do not want to, I will never stop calling and nobody wants to talk to me on the phone, because I'm a fucking nightmare. He's like, well, you know, he's a friend of mine. I was like, okay. Oh, all right. I need to, well, he's a friend of mine. I was like, okay.

All right, I need to somehow need to get, I somehow need to use a calm voice. And that needs to invert when it goes out the other end. It's a very sophisticated, shouting equation formula that I'm doing. So you're saying you need to be calm to him so that he doesn't be a asshole. Well, no, but he so he in turn will lose it. Yes, lose it on the right. I think it works. Okay. So the guy pulls himself out of bed to find a McDonald's because

his internet's not working. You know, this is real. This is this is life. Whatever, whatever can fucking go wrong. Of course, it wouldn't have internet. Who has internet this day and age? Who just has internet at all. Drives around, finds them McDonald's and he says, ah, doesn't work. I'll do it tomorrow. I'm going to bed. Get on the horn again. It's like 10, 10 pm now. Okay, man. Is he Southern California? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But just far enough where driving would be a pain in the ass. Okay. You understand? I wasn't sure he was doing it from a, you know,

no, no, no, another time for him. How about after a back and forth, how about Starbucks? How about a neighbor? How about anything? Hey, how about turn the hotspot on your phone? Mm-hmm. And Diego says, he's had, he has to have tried that. Like, hey, let's assume, let's assume the worst here.

Let's just run with that one. Five minutes later, he didn't know you could do that. Sure, sure. That layer, that layer of abstraction, that your own yelling cannot penetrate. Makes life very difficult. The longer I've done stuff, the more I try to remember, not to assume.

Yeah. No matter how much of an expert somebody is at something, there might be something that seems obvious to you that they don't know or hadn't thought of. Just say it. What's the worst you can get? A sarcastic response.

Yeah, you really have to abandon all ability to feel sarcat. Like, yeah, just, you know, oh no, I never tried that. You know, it's like that's what? That's the worst that can happen. It's like, as opposed to like, oh shit, I didn't know that you could do that. Problem solved. Good for us. Lacey's friend got very offended that Goole from IRC.

Goole. Derek Goole was wearing all Trump stuff at the show. I guess Lacey's twin coach. Yeah. Oh right, right. Lacey's friends came in, you know, for the hottest chicks in LA. Yeah. And one of them got, one of them got extremely pissed off.

I'm sure. That guy was in there where he was wearing an entire American flag to get up. Yeah, yeah, it was something to see. And everything. Yeah. That was great. Um, um, um, Chicago is going to be, I think the whole gang

is going to Chicago. Coach, no shit. Yeah, coach, I think fucking mad cucks is going to be there. I hope so. Uh, if mad cucks is going to be there, if Mad Cucks shows up, he's reading the letter. Oh. And Chicago. Ooh, yeah.

Yeah, there you go. Your move, Mad Cucks. Yeah. Is he here? Let me see if he's here. Why haven't we talked to him in a while? I don't know, he's been very busy. Hey, Mad Cucks, are you there?

Hey, I'm here. Hey. Hey, Mad Cucks, how you doing? Hey, sorry that your book, uh, fuck whales did so terrible. Are you kidding? It's doing great. It's number one. It's so is your number one number one and what? Number one in books literature and fiction United States humanitarian entertainment Hemer or a fair. He says It's number one of that chart. Oh, yeah. Oh, congratulations. I guess then. Yeah. I mean, so here's, here's what a lot of people are saying that like,

oh, you know, you're not getting very good sales or whatever. But here's the thing. You know, you don't want to sell 100 million copies of your book first day. Right. You want to sell that your books over time because the slow burn. It's like winning the lottery. You know, you win the lottery on, then your, all the family members come up to get your come ony, make up, invest it well. Selling books slowly is like taking the long term payout.

You want to sleep or less sell. He wants an investment. That's a sleeper, bestseller. He wants an investment, that's a sleeper. It's like a, you know, an annuity. Yes, that pays off. It's an arotha, and you've engineered the marketing to do that. Exactly, I mean, I've got a,

there's a whole Twitter account dedicated to asking fuck whales questions. And, you know, it's got like 17 followers. Yeah. Hey, I wanted, I wanted to ask you about this because this is my favorite part of the book. You know, a dickhead bought the best book in the universe .com.

And that was the original mock up of Maddox's book. Yeah. Then it changed to fuck whales, which is horrendous. Listeners are dedicated. That's a great title. It's a little catchy. Yeah. So moms are gonna be walking through the bookstores

with their kids. They're gonna see a book called Fuck Welles with the cute art on the front. And they're gonna go, oh, hey, you should read this little timmy and maybe you learned something. Yeah. So you're confirming it is fuck Welles because we weren't sure if it's Fzooker.

Technically it's Fasterix technically it's it's faster rick's cuckoo whale. So we didn't we didn't know for sure that Maddox changed the title of the book because how could you know right? Like I knew it was supposed to be called the best book in the universe because I saw the fucking contract and I know him. I know it was supposed to be like a welcome back book. Okay. And it was the book that was originally pitched to him by the publisher was just to just take the articles and the website and put them together and call it the best book in the universe. But maybe it was fuck whales, right? Until somebody guns beer freedom on

Twitter got a hold of the inside. He's a follower of the show. Like a real lefty. Yeah. He got a hold of the book jacket. Oh, and in the book jacket, it says, it's chock full of brilliant petty essays. Like all useful books, it's written so that it can be read non-linearly, like a reference book for life.

Now here's as someone who's written jokes before. Yeah. I will tell you, the hardest thing to do is kill one of your own jokes, like you can't do it. If you have to edit a script, if they say cut three pages off, you'd rather cut off your pinky. I believe it. Because you just, you look at it like,

this is all gold. This would be like shaving off. This would be like taking chunks out of my dick. I wouldn't let a guinea pig know on my cock. Why would I edit my own script? Right. I can't pot three pages. Are you insane? Dick Masterson guinea pig rapist. Absolutely not. I think any pig would be into it, I assume.

Well, I don't know. Here's the joke from Max's book that didn't get cut. He says non-linearly like a reference book for life, kind of like the good book, except it's and in all caps, the best book. Uh-huh. Which title. References of the title. References of the title.

Couldn't cut it though. Yeah, couldn't cut it. There you go. Let's prove. What do you, Mad Cux, what do you think about that? Well, I, someone must have not really proofread the book at the editor station because, you know, it was running real late. They probably just they were they were just happy. They got something they could print and they decided, you know what? Fuck it. Yeah. It's going to sell

100 million copies over the course of about 20 or 30 years. Just to fuck it as is. Yeah. Hey, first of all, are you coming to Roadrage? Chicago? I'm 90% in the fact that probably come, yeah. Okay. How do we make that 100%. I wanna get you reading the letter

and I wanna get like a violinist behind you while you do it to come out, you know? Like, yeah, yeah. Like some real sad uh... well that does that bump that ninety up to ninety one did the last ten percent is that uh... i'm production electrician for a opera that same weekend and i got a figure out somebody did

to cover that let me know if i can help so i'm working i'm working on that what about your book? What about the actual best book in the universe? So my book took a big pause? Yeah. Some people would call it taking you big shit.

Well, I've been working on my thesis for my undergraduate degree in the last real-life stuff. Half a year. So I'm just turning that in on stuff. Oh, half a year. So I just, I'm turning that in on Wednesday. Oh! And then I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a break from not writing thousands and thousands of words. This thesis right now, it sits at like 45 pages

and 15,000 words or something. No. So I'm gonna be done with that. And then, and then I'm gonna take a break from writing things because my hand's hurt. and then I'll work on writing again. All right, please, please, please get it out ASAP. Dick looks would give you an advance. If you can get it out as quickly, Dick books publishing will give you an advance if you can get it out soon. A million dollar one weird I heard it. I heard it in the episode earlier

there were a million dollars advances up for grabs. And not anymore. That's fake news man. Hey what makes you what makes you rage before you get out of here? School zones. School zones really make me a rage. Yeah. Oh, because you know the kids they should just wish they should they should learn to dodge

cars. Yeah. Yeah. What's the deal you little stupid children idiots? Yeah, they got eyes. What are they? Yeah, they got eyes. Yeah, quick reflexes. They. Yeah. What's the deal? You little stupid children? Idiots? Yeah, they got eyes. What are they? What are they? Yeah, they got eyes. Yeah, quick reflexes. They're young. Now, you the school's done. It's like it's a school zone that drops the speed from 40 miles now to 20 miles an hour and they have a stoplight so they can cross the street and they

have a crossing guard pushing the buttons so they can cross at the stoplight. It's like, Jesus Christ, how many fucking handouts do you kids need? Just put your foot in the wealthiest 1% of street cross. You're like, yeah, they're trying to cross the street while lions trying to eat them. Yeah. Yeah, and then we got to waste all that money

on physical education when they could just be running across the street, like Frogger, right? Yeah, that would be awesome. And then we could put cameras up on every school and livestream kids, Froggerings, like highway and stuff. Awesome. I was driving literally in the middle of Fuck Nowhere

this week on a state highway where the speed limit is 65 miles an hour. And then suddenly I hit a school zone. There wasn't a school to be seen for miles. I'm on a highway. We dropped from 65 to 35. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? What kids are crossing this busy state highway?

What the fuck man? Son of bitches. I agree with you. Well, anyway, congratulations on your book's success. Then thank you, thank you. Congratulations on your annuity. I couldn't be happier with it either. It's a win win. It's win win. Everyone feels good. Everybody wins. The readers, the readers get to read some, some really wild,

the range rambling. I mean, there's all kinds of great content. There's, there's, let's see, fuck, fuck horses. Oh wait, no, everybody's heard that before. Yeah. There's, uh, there's fuck monkey. Right. Monkeys for, uh, there's a fuck cult. Nope. That would, uh, oh, there's fuck. Here's, here's one. Fuck tables. Yeah. Fuck, fuck tables. You don't need a table. Just put everything on the floor. Oh, floor. It sounds like a life hack. Uh huh. Yeah, welcome. They take up so much square footage in your house.

If you think of every table of the square footage, you're paying, you're paying like how much for a 20,000 square foot apartment. And then you've got a table that takes up like 4500 square feet. That's 25,000 square feet. Yeah, you're not going to fart. I'm not getting a full access to in your apartment. Is that actually in the book? That is a paraphrase of something in the book yet.

In a way though, don't they kind of add square footage because you can use the space underneath them and then put stuff on them. You're talking about it as a shelf. Is it what? A shelf. A shelf has square footage, but it's done vertically. Yeah. All right, get out of here, Mad Cux.

We'll see you in Chicago. You better, thanks for calling it. It'll better. It'll better be there. Mad Cux, everybody. I wanna see here. Always lurking. I saw some militarized police at the Rose Bowl

with brand new AR-15s, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I think the show is warping my brother-in-law's brain because he was pissed. Pist off at it, yeah. It's just like three fatsoes holding brand new, locked and loaded, 30 round magazine AR-15s at the fucking Rose Bowl.

Yeah, I got it. What the hell? Right. Are you dumbies gonna start blasting semi-automatic AR-15s? AR 15s at the fucking Rose Bowl. Yeah. I go. What the hell? Right. Are you got you dummies going to start blasting semi-automatic AR 15s into the crowd? Maybe. Exactly. What is the safety here that you're offering with this?

Yeah. The militarized police. It's creating such a separation between like just hatred and regular people don't trust or like the police. No, because they come over and they make shit up. Like they came over to the tailgate because they look like they look like soldiers under a dictatorship. Yeah, they came over to the tailgate and said, oh, you guys, you guys have to pour your

beer into plastic cups. Why? Well, because kickoff started and you're not allowed to drink after kickoff legally. I think what the, that's a, that's a law. Are you expecting me to believe that that was a law that everyone signed and drafted? Oh yeah. It's as soon as kickoff starts, no one in a place where you're already not allowed to drink

is allowed to drink anymore. Get your fucking gun, get outta here, you stupid jackass. So that's what they do. First they get you to put it in the cup, and then they come around 10 minutes, they send another fatso 10 minutes later to make you dump the cup out. Yeah.

All because they got those goddamn guns strapped to them that they think they can act like this. All because they got the fucking uniforms too. Yeah, well. Put those guys in like a Steve Irkel tank top and pink shorts and see, then see how many laws they make up. It does make a difference.

Right, like, it does make a difference. We don't need, we don't need all this hostage, like we don't need another purge. We just need a day where cops dress like dorks, like a Santa Cruz banana slug. Yeah. Sure. Pulling you over. And then see them fucking walk up, walk up like John Wayne. Oh, do you know how fast you were going?

No. They're only going to pull you over if you're actually breaking the law. They're're something. Because they don't want to be seen. There's gonna be a lot less cops hitting on shigs to get their number when they're at their most vulnerable. If they're wearing, if they're wearing a shirt that says female body inspector. That's what we do.

Lose the AR-15s, put them in like, assless chaps. Hey, you guys need to drink, you guys need to jump that beer out. Dude, you need to put some fucking proper pants on. Let me tell you what. Okay. Keep doing what you're doing. Yeah. My mistake.

You know, can I get one of those beers? Could I get one of those beers? I've got a rough day. Yeah. Yeah, because you're just here for decoration, dude. Sure. Just put your gun down and fucking relax. You're not Robo Cop.

You're just a guy that picks up drunk people. You don't need a NAR 15 for that. No. A brand new one. It's aggravating. Let's see here. I got a bunch of cuck related songs. Do you want any of these?

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. This one was sent to me by... By Dice 3 in Lecambra. D-Y-C 3 in Lecambra. Probably pretty good. Oh, yeah, nice. A lot of cucks in the air.

It's almost time for cucksmiths. Boats, I like to sing a song about a cock-old stream. About me, about liberals. About the way Antifa raised, laid down to the bottom of a fight breast. About this special feeling that shared with his and her right after a band. Maybe the Larmist standards. Made it alarm my standards.

Maybe in the sparegrain. I just can't deliver a rational argument from my colon. We just don't know. We'll love just a regular Greek with a regular sleep. I'll give a brief fight with every gone company and freak. I like liberals and hilt off and lots and lots of the don I find a house so my ex wrote a song about George Hose My comedy, my views are refused to let pill

My brother's been no day watching my wife get filled Oh god But sometimes I just need a buck. So I should have just been a bit... Oh no! Reddit! Love's it! You know what I just got to push every thought

Without a buck or context. Yeah, yeah! I'm losing some of that. You lose some of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah! I said to cock. Got the right hour and the same. I have no idea that I ruined my own name. Some of them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said to a cock, kind of the right hour and the same.

I have no idea that I ruined my own name. I'm a cock-goo. He's a cock-goo, yo, yo, yo. I'm a cock-goo. He's a cock-goo, yo, yo. I want transgender toilets and a beautiful, the heat I get when conservatives tell me what we will get, peace. I'm a cock-goo, yo, yo, yo, yo. I can't really understand lyrics.

I found it for a trap. Defended takes right place. Yet, Lamparoo, people don't call me a racist. I'm a cuckoo. Me, cuckoo. I heard that? Amacacol You're a fucking cuckold

Maybe I should not have spent so long I need to chill out and you shall pass the ball Oh, maybe you'll write it where I belong Stop laughing Fuck you stop laughing I just want to hear the CEO see you see what I'm gonna do I'm gonna spend the next three and a half years when she give a trump in his followers Never forgetting that I'm part of the race and why he got in the white house of the first place But the same time calling calling other people cuts. Yeah

And I'm gonna ride that to go all the way to the next election so I can blindy vote But Chelsea Clinton at the same time screaming about some of my body conservative voters And telling myself that I have nothing of the sort I'm gonna go to every single liberal event that I can get to get pissed off Enough to get no such an annoying cut But I'll be the person for why we need to remain conservative and then it got damn thing you can do better, okay? You know why? Because we got the new sources I don't know, it's quite a shame, fuck!

Okay, France, Germany, Belgium, Thanking up all the tariffs the tax I can handle I got the big subside inside who I'll drive through the blood of their victims and I won't make a link to their business because we got the balls, okay? Dan says we're damn bad, broken and I think we should find a cure for corruption Right there in the butt of their victims And I want my collection of victims Because they got the balls of candy And they insist on them That broken And I simply say fine to care for corruption

Because we got the Muslims' sales And I'm going to go on You know why? We have lost some election We'll multiply that by losing a fuck pain That's how sad we're gonna be I'm gonna get a day for a real Bernie Sanders

And chose to clip Hey, Angela Merkel Hey, Clayton Lev-Cheers And I'm gonna go on to the EU You know, you really are a cuckoo We're the shut up and sing the song Hell Hey Clayton left tears and ever right to the end you know you're really our You can I am All right, all right, all right very good pretty pretty true to the original there is not very good Because we got the muslims because that what he said it wasn't we got because we got the bomb I I don't know you have to go back and play it be funny if he did say that

Boy, let me see I got got a bit from Asterios too. God, he took a lot of heat this week. Diddy? Yeah. He's a lot of heat for bringing that shit up at the end. I took some heat for not cutting it. Interesting. Yeah, well, I mean, it definitely changed the tone

of the show. I don't know. I don't know how you cut something like that. I was thinking to myself, I didn, it definitely changed the tone of the show. I don't know. I don't know how you cut something like that. I was thinking to myself, I didn't even ask you about it, but I was, yeah, I remember telling you to cut it actually. You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right after the show, I said, Sean, that was inappropriate.

Why don't you make it really? No, I don't. Oh, of course not. I was gonna say, shit, I was buying that. No, no, no, no, no, I'm a liar. What were you saying? No, no, no, that's what I was buying that. No, no, no, no, no, I'm a liar. What were you saying? No, no, no, that's what I was gonna say. I said, I wonder if he'll ask for that to be cut

for whatever reason, which you virtually never do. So, yeah. You know, I'm sorry, I said, well, I'm certainly not gonna cut it. I mean, once it's out, it's out. Well, that's what I mean. There's people watching. People watching, somebody's gonna talk,

somebody's gonna talk about it. I can't edit the stream archive for the big swing and dick, Patrioties. So it's there. And then what? There was a part missing. What, oh, there was a part missing. It's behind the pay wall.

Yeah, scumbag move. Right. I don't know, peach posted about it too. Yeah, I heard that. Yeah. I had shit, I don't know. So what the,. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So what was the long and the short of it?

I mean, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a dick, but not, you know, it was a, so basically we got to the bottom of it. We got to the bottom, obviously. Oh, okay. Here's it. Here's it. Here's the great buildup for his pit. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Everyone was so offended. Sorry about that. Wait, what was it? I'm sorry, everyone was so offended. Sorry about that. Wait, what was it? I'm sorry that everyone was so offended by that. Oh, you are? Or you're just like, I mean, fuck. A big hell of a backlash. There we go.

Yeah. It wasn't that long though. What really wasn't? No, it wasn't that long. I think it was just like, I think it was just very, very prescient of our time. Like, like, there's a, it seems like, it feels like every day is a war against, like blurring the lines of things, like that stupid musical chairs analogy that I use.

Yeah. It's like, you know, patriotism, like racism and racially charged things, there's no more line between those anymore to some people, a Saul, a crime and like being a piece of shit, there's no line between, like, as, you know, and it's all, like, you got the law and there's all these specific codes for everything. And that only exists because people felt that things

were wrong. Yeah. Like, it didn't start out as the law, the law that we have didn't start out as clean as we have it now. It started out with that guy fucked with me, ston him. There wasn't like a, there wasn't a gradation. It was like in the Bible. If your slave is lazy, you could beat him, you could beat him and if he survives, you're, you're in trouble. But if he's dead, it's all right. Yeah. Like that was the first version of the law until we said, well, we got to put some pot into this. Yeah. Cause these laws are fucked that we have. You can't be having beating people. Like, there's, they're all over the place. We got to put our top guys,

we got to put our top autists on these laws and make like a society instead of just bearing people up to their necks and hammering them with dogs. Like, yeah, now, like somebody's got to look over this. So they're okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.'re just still very prevalent in certain countries. Terrible ones. Yeah. But then God, we get the law here. I think we're seeing something similar

like in this hive mind version of justice online where social media is basically like our conscience, like our collective conscience. Yeah. But it's just a big mess. It's a disaster. It's like, there's no, it's like, social media is basically like our conscience, like our collective conscience. But it's just a big mess. It's a disaster. It's like there's no, it's like that is a... So me as a collective conscience is terrible.

But we started that way with physical, with our, we started that way with our morality before we had the law. And now I know, but we're in the mess again. We're in the Stone Age again, but it's like a more refined version of that. Like you can't do this, you can't say this to women. This is a dick move and this isn't,

but then nobody's like, nobody's sat down and really codified it. So everybody just stones all the time. Yes. Like oh, you did something. Stone, stone, stone, stone, stone, like ah, it's fucking stop. Yeah, yeah.

Somebody's gotta sit down and write a new set of laws on top of the ones that we've got. Is what I'm saying, I don't know. No, I understand. Makes sense, because then you can stop with this shit. Yeah, it's a new Stone Age. Very good. What?

Talking about weed, Stone Age. Sean. Okay, here's, here's, here's, here's, here's crocodile done dude from a stereo. Oh really? I don't know if it's done dude like Bill, Bill Nye or Bill Guy, or if it's done dude like Maddox. Here you go.

Okay. Oh, I actually, I think it's about his book. Crocodile, crocodile done dude. Fast risk whales. Oh. Exploring the jungle to the dick show, I'm the whale's most fearless shit poster. Maddox may be done, dude, but I'm Crocodile done, dude.

Oh, okay. Or their mates. I'm Crocodile done, dude. The whale's most triggered explorer. Now I need to take you on a shit post in Safari through the jungles of the Dijk Show. We're going to encounter degeneracy, debauchery, and maybe even a rape list or two. Look over there, I believe it's a copy of Maddox's new book, Fuck Welles! These little baddies are considered to be an endangered species. Only 53 copies have been sported in the wild.

They prefernest handcuffed up in the thick dense cardboard jungles or the Amazon. Don't come warehouse. I'm gonna run over and grab it. See if I can find any new material inside it. Get out of here, you little bugger. Oh, 250 pages at cancer. Trying to put this bad boy where he belongs. The dollar rack at Booksy Million.

Oh, look over there. You'll see one of nature's most beautiful creatures. The wild Rucker Rucker Ali, a funny creature who has an unfortunate habit of wasting his Saturdays. He could be doing anything, hunting, mating, writing a song about the celebrities he wants to sexually assault, but alas, like every Saturday he sits, listening to the screeching of a bald,

or median man, arguing both sides of a question. Nobody asked. Truly, the Ruck is one of nature's greatest mysteries. Watch out! Don't get too close! It's a royal destiny. The shortest animal in the jungle are here. He has black friends, so it's cool if he uses the N word. To your left, you'll see one, the world's angriest dickhead. The only thing with more pressure on it that is temper is his knees. To your right, you see the wall of the stereo's cupidness. He's getting increasingly intoxicated.

He's sure to embarrass himself soon in a podcast. Ah, he's accused of stranger of sexual assault and dragged his incredibly uncomfortable girlfriend into this. It appears she has no radio voice. Kroiki, view that majestic battle off in the distance. It's two men in their late 30s and early 40s, fighting over the copyright to a five-year-old comedy podcast.

Right on top of Mount Killer Man's legal defense. Seems a less dominant other too, couldn't afford a good lawyer. Sorry, Maddox. That's not a patreon This is a patreon Until next time this has been crocodile done to tell it yeah to go fuck yourself mate. That's a good. That's a good bit I like it. Wow. I'm gonna go. This is the first time I wish I had sound effects on this show. Very fun. Stupid clapping sound effect. Very funny.

Let's see here. Read some comments. This is from the count of Flores. Hey, I just realized the charging Hippo Mexican proved one thing. Talking about the live show. Yeah. In case of emergency, pissing through the fly is superior. In case you need to run away.

Need to run, just run. Maybe your dick is flapping around, but your pants stay put. If you undo your belt and trousers completely, and you go over the waistband, you're left running with your pants, or on your hands, or trip once they slip down. Cheerio with the count of Flores. Didn't know this. I did watch the footage after he sent that. or on your hands or trip once they slip down. Yeah. Cheerio with the count of Flores.

Didn't know this. I did watch the footage after he sent that and the guy who, the guy who pissed with over the waistband and undid his belt was like dancing around with both of his hands holding his pants up, but the fly pissing guy was nimble. Yeah. You know?

Right. Dancing like a butterfly up there. So what if his dick was out? Yeah. He was still he was alive. He'll live. You just got out. You don't have to be Faster than the hip-hop. You just got to be faster than the guy with his pants down. Yeah, yeah, with the guy who's holding on to his pants. Right very good Very so the contest was a success. Yeah, after all. Well, it took a lot of twists and turns, but that's okay. We got there eventually. So everyone gets everywhere. TDS Fox says, not sure if I heard this somewhere, it came up with it in a drunk stoop, or I like

to tell people that once a year, go ahead and treat yourself. Nothing is better than putting on a new pair of socks. So at the end of the year, just take all your socks, throw them out, start over. It's wasteful and it's splurge, but fuck it, man. What do you think about that? How wasteful is it? 10 bucks? New socks?

Yeah. Good idea. Fuck it, man, it's a great idea. I'm on board. It's a great idea. Let's see. Bo on Olivesin, as much as people there fucked everything up, it was still a really entertaining show.

That's great. Thanks, buddy. You wanna hear another Cuck song? Yeah. Okay, this one's from Housen Cruise. Oh. It's called... It's called it's hard out there for a Cuck. You know Housen Cruise.

I do. He's got a great voice. Right. Doesn't waste time with instruments. Like the hembra, the sand glaze. He just wants to get his message out there. Branding kinda rough You know it's hard out here for a cuck When he tryna get the lights and sad bugs A wrist train starts out smooth as fuck You know that ship up in a branding kinda rough In my eyes I didn't see some shabble things

On the net got a couple of live friends On the Facebook and yeah I don't know what got to take my game Bar their like a neatest kickstarter Posting on these posts don't know no better, so they think harder Dead scene, websites killed, so I'm just gonna shield Right side of history, making change on these fields It's fucked up what I do, but at least I don't kill Jews I respect women too, and like half my friends are queers

I spluttered sweatin' tears, and I wantin' on these shoes I'm tryin' to get rich without suckin' on real gizz I'm tryin' to have things, but it's hard for a cook, but I'm sharing. And I'm posting on Twitter about drum. It's hard now for a cook. You're right. When you try to get them like since it's very hard, very hard for a cook out there. I mean, he covered the queers and gizz.

That's how it's this guy's that screams hit. This guy's making us wait for a League of Legends game Oh, he calls in I see If I knew what that was I would probably be incensed yeah me too How we can do really voicemails. Oh, yeah, well change it up. I want this guy to call in because he made a 15 to 20 minutes. Okay, he can call in during voice mails. Okay. This guy made this, this meme. He made this meme of Lena Dunham that says when you realize you ain't Harvey Weinstein's, Weinstein's type, but you need a

movie deal and it's Lena Dunham looking like the fattest grossest monster, getting ready to work out and then really working out and determined and stomping around, stomping around like Frankenstein in a jazz or size class. And of course, she's worn something that a woman half her size has no business wearing. Let's start there. And it's even her outfit is crafted to draw attention to the roles of fat on the side. You see that? It's like a highlight going down the side,

like a racing stripe on a whale that she's got there. A racing stripe on a whale. That's what she's done. She's done this on purpose too. You know she's done this on purpose, she's subject us to it. He made a little meme of that and got it

and she retweeted it. Oh, yeah. So I wanted to get his thoughts on it anyway. Anyway, hey, we're gonna do a bunch of voicemails. This has been the Dick Show. Go to dick.show, thedickshow.com. Get ready for road rage, Chicago, the jazz festival. Right, Mad Cux is gonna be there,

Stereos is gonna be there. We got a really ride Mad Cux to be there. I don't like that 80%. Yeah, because that 10% comes up a lot Yeah, 10% comes up like a 90% of the time. Yeah I mean just with the in general people it does. All right. See you next Tuesday Oh From reddit how many fat Mexicans does it take to ruin a road rage show One

Get it? Oh, yeah, wait, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, the encore. Sorry, the encore. Man, he's not gonna sell, dude, he's not gonna sell a thousand books. That's, he's already up to 8700 now. What did I, I mean, so men and women debuted at 288 and I got total in royalties. It probably sold 35,000 copies. Yeah. Which is like 35,000 copies. Yeah, which is like okay.

Yeah, I mean, it's fucking great for me. Sure. But for a book like that, if he got a $50,000 advance for that, he's not, first of all, he's not gonna see another dollar. And secondly, the fucking publisher's not gonna see a dollar. Like that's all in the red. Yeah, what did, is there any way of knowing

what crappy children's artworks sold? I mean way less. Well, no way that was a way less than what? Less than way less than alphabet. Well, no, of course, but I mean, like, I mean, what did it sell 35,000? I'd have to check. And the advance for that was huge. Was it? Yeah. Well, because he's following up. I was like, that's selling. That was like a six figure advance. Wow.

And that was the last one of those. Yeah. The publisher even told him that you're not going to get a book that size again. Yeah. Even if this one does as good. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, then anything goes.

Yeah, I got it. You know, it didn't. It didn't do that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. I wanted to do something for if it hit 10,000 before my birthday. If it hit 10,000, you mean 10,000th place?

Yeah. Oh, wow. I think I'll write another book. Have it out by your birthday? No. I'll write it. Okay. Like for real.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man are betterer. Man are more better than more betterer than more better. Yeah. Even more better. Right. Now, now, trans men are better than women.

Yeah. That's what it's going to be. Two. Two. Yeah. I don't know what to call it though. If it hits 10,000, I'll write it. Okay.

Before my birthday. Right. On the 29th. Yeah. It's called the ticking clock. I'm kind of curious about voice signals. Hey, Dick. I got another bridge for you.

And it is supervisors who communicate way too fucking much. Okay. it is supervisors who communicate way too fucking much. I disagree. I work remotely. I don't go into the office or anything or deal with bullshit like that. But what I do get is if he's fucking emails a day, they have, sorry, I I gotta stop that there. Yeah, and I'll deal with bullshit like That's weird shit bullshit like that Absolutely nothing to do with me or anything that I'm fucking working on okay, so we see see it on a lot of God

I one time got a traffic update For a state that I don't even fucking live in. It's too much. It's too fucking much. None of it is important. And so I made the suggestion that, hey, if it actually is important, just like put an urgent tag on it or something, everything is urgent now.

When I have to pause what I'm fucking doing to answer your bullshit. And now everything's just a fucking urgent tag on it. It's like, I don't have time to stop working. That is hard. I read this. I read this article that said, like, oh, here's how you stay productive at home. Don't do any laundry.

Don't do laundry during work hours. Like, well, where's, I scrolled through the whole thing, like, don't think about shopping during the work. It was like, nobody mentions, nobody mentions, don't spend four hours beating on that every day. Like, yeah, you guys missed it. A really important tip on your little survey.

All right, here's this dude who made the meme. Hey man, what's your name? Hey, my name's Jeff. All right, Jeff, we're gonna call you Jeff. What's going on? What's going on, dude? Call me Jeff. Actually, I just changed my Facebook username.

Yeah. I put Lena Dunham as an anagram. It actually comes up as anal mud hen. So that's my new username, anal mud hen. And that's going to be the new hashtag that we all need to hop or use. Terrific. Look, man. I mean, congratulations. You've really done a great thing. The meme itself is hysterical. I see you've, I wanna put this on the video but I don't know how. You've got Lena Dunham making really the ugliest face anybody could make as she's stretching out

to go running, perhaps for the first time. See, the meme ideas they flow through me like, how's that in a nice summer day like hot stuff like Don Ham stretches in her spandex and the farts flow through and everybody just looks at her and discussed and he's got this little he's got a little dude back here in the back you see the shot yeah yeah it's fucking elf he's a fucking he's a fucking elf looking at her in complete disgust and what is amazing is that you achieved

the holy girl with this. You got her, you not only got the tweet, but you know that she saw it. You know that she saw it. And I actually forced her to excrete bodily fluids from her eyes. I actually made her pay for Kleenex. I made her spend money on capitalism.

What do you mean you got her to cry? Yeah, I got her to fucking cry. How do you know that? You know she cried. She's had a point in her life for anything she tweets and then deletes. She's crying. That's true.

So you got her to experience it. I mean, this is like, like this is in the movie, the 300 when the head of the muscle man Throws the spear and hits that the drag queen like this is what you've done Because you've got you got her to see it and react and then the worst feeling in the world regret something that you did Well, the unbelievable

This is like Babe Ruth calling his home run and then you just and you call the home run. And then while everyone was waiting for the home run, you were at home, fucking everyone's wife. That is how big of a success this is to me. Exactly. Exactly. I couldn't be happier for you.

It's amazing. And I every, every like, I don't know, a couple hours, somebody tags me in a new page. I mean, occupied Democrats, Democrats logic posted the thing. It got two and a half thousand shares. You know, this thing's going crazy. It's going viral. We're talking about like stocks. Yeah.

So check it out. So I was on Facebook quizzes. What will your daughter look like? You know, those Facebook quizzes. And I just photoshopped the last image as I'm transitioning into this cute little child. I put in the image of Lena Dunham, and it's funny.

So what was the inspiration for this meme? I wanna know where you were, what's your flux capacitor hitting your head on the toilet moment? Well, honestly, I make memes. So like I said, go to my Facebook page and just look at them, look at what I create. It's great content and it's powerful.

And it's a great content. What's your Facebook page? It's a, and like I said, it's Facebook.com slash anal mud hen. Anal mud hen. Anal mud hen, which is an anagram for Lena Dunham. Right, of course. So, it is an anagram for Lena Dunham. Right, of course. So, it's really nice, good meme, or laser focus.

Absolutely, absolutely. And I cover other topics, I cover the NFL players kneeling. It's just the wide spectrum of anything that's current, I'll create something and just kill it. Absolutely kill it. Is this stereo? I'll enjoy it. No, this is another guy who behaves like a stereo. This is negative stereo.

Actually, I'm so excited at being a bad guy. Exactly, but we are the good guys. And when you create memes, it's kind of like you have your own, like your own meth lab. And you create these custom meme cocktails. And you, some of them are potent enough to just infect everybody you know just to affect everybody and that's what everybody you know aspires to do right is affect everybody with their means their ideas with their message and that's the great thing yeah you're like the Beatles he's gonna start teaching classes

dude there's fucking should be classes in like a marketing degree and memory effectively yeah meme university Let's do it. So what's next? Who's your next target? You know, if I could, if I had a clear target, a giant layer, call your heart. I would, I would harpoon Amy Schumer if I could. Okay. Good luck. And it'll send ripples of tears throughout all her little pussy hat

wearing feminists that follow her stupid tweets. Yeah. I can't stand her. That one film making... ...explative. Yeah, you can curse on this show. We don't mind that. Fucking whale. Yeah, I was thinking that. Oh man, we're on the same meme waves right now. I was thinking fucking whale.

Right there. I'll tell you. So I honestly believe that I memes, you know, I was a supporter of I hate to bring up politics, but I was a supporter of Trump and I'm a fuck leave her. No kidding. My memes alone got Trump elected. What was your continued to get Trump elected in 2020? Wait, what was your Trump meme? Which one was yours? What was my Trump meme? I am a manufacturer of memes flow out of me on a regular basis and their dank, their powerful potent memes.

Like I said, I'm not in this, I'm not in this. This is war, like this is the battle. This is the battle between good and evil. No, I know. We will prevail, we already won, we're gonna win again. We're gonna keep winning. Well, what were your top three favorite memes that you were responsible for? Jesus, God. Let me, uh, this is a real guy. Just to narrow it down to three. That's, that's, that's a tough, uh, let me actually go, you know, if Trump asks, you got to give him an answer.

Because one of the fanboys have a brother. Um don't know. I'm actually going down looking at some memes right now. He wants an answer right now. Trump wants, he doesn't want to wait. You got to know your craft. I got him all. Okay, so for example, when, okay, this is just like a social issue with the whole players kneeling,

which I think is the most ridiculous thing. Kaepernick, Nelt, you know, he kneeled and his whole thing was, I'm kneeling because police officers kill black people. Look at the statistics. They actually kill 61% of what police officers kill are white people, 61%. So, he's kneeling for a false call. And, you know, Milo Yanopoulos is an incredible purveyor of the Black Lives Matter, how Black people actually don't matter to Black people if you look at the statistics.

So for example, when I made a meme with the players kneeling, when Blacks are 27 times more likely to attack whites than vice versa picture of the players kneeling stuff like that just taking facts and putting them over the images Okay, that doesn't really potent me that doesn't sound like it's good of a meme. I was good as a meme. Definitely not as good as a meme But the meme with um Uh, it's uh, the biscuits um, lean to Dunham uh, juxtapose next to a it's like the croissant thing That's like what kind of opening you know what I'm talking about the dough tube that you crack open and the dough spills out from Like a Pillsbury like vacuum. It has the same white. Who wore it better? I've got Lena Dunham in the tube. Oh god. Oh, yeah

Actually, that thing is my passion was who wore it better. There you go. I've seen it. That's a good that's good work There it is. All right. All right, man Uh, thanks for calling in great work. Absolutely great work on the front line. Go back to your League of Legends game. Whatever the fuck Thanks again, I really appreciate it. Thank you for the laughs the laws. Hey, hey, if I want to get back up with me I can you know, maybe every month or so. Let me back in. Okay. Happy to, you know, share some new knowledge and new enlightenment for everybody. Okay, we'll see. All right, my brothers. See you later. Okay, there you go. That was a good one. Did you meet your expectations? Well, way exceeded. I think.

Yeah, me too. Me too. Okay. You have to have expectations first. Here you go. High energy. Okay, this loose those down here in Alabama. I've got to say what makes me a fucking rages week.

So, you know, I go to the dealership to get my oil changed, my car. Why? And I'm sitting next to this woman, she drops off her whatever, a Subaru legacy or whatever, and I ask her, say, hey, look, I'm looking at getting one of those legacies in my next car. What do you think about them? Within the first three or four sentences, she has to shoehorn in there about how her husband and her husband does this and her husband and the president and we share me and my husband We share this car and my husband does this and you don't make me a fucking rage is when you talk to women and within the first five sentences

They have to go on this incredible defense and have to shoehorn in the husband or their boyfriend or their fiance and they have to just shoehorn in the fact that they have a husband into everything Bitch I'm at I'm at a super dealership and in fucking burning him like I'm not trying to fuck you in the lobby I know what he's talking about You have to wedge in there the fact that your husband and your husband and your husband It is your husband. I mean Jesus just a kiss from the attack I just want you to know yeah, we'll get to that. Yeah, we'll get to how much these superos cost my I mean you you're at a hospital in the waiting room right? You know, I need you to I need you to tell you about my husband does this. It's like yeah look

I know. I've got a female as well. I'm not gonna sit here and hear you. And that's, you drop a word like female, you need to get told a couple more times. Yeah, about the husband. It's true. Before we go on, before we talk, Subaru's,

or I'll need you to sign this acknowledgement of the husband form that I do have. And here's a picture. Here's our two kids, and here's our fucking foster dog. Before we continue this. Our foster dog conversation. Soon going to be our dog. You get that, if a nurse, when you check into the hospital,

they give you a big stack of forms. Acknowledgement that all the nurses are married, okay? Yeah, got it. Every chick's LinkedIn picture is just her wedding photo. Her and her husband looking at their best. This one's in black and white. Don't worry about it. I'm still having a little trouble with it.

I'm getting my oil changed at the dealership. At the Subaru dealership. Just the, now unless there's, unless there was a free service or whatever for Subaru. Well, yeah, whatever, because like some luxury car is usually where it's like, oh, you know, we take care of your oil changes for the first, like, you know, 24 months

or something like that. I'm just, why are you going to the dealership to get your oil change? Yeah. Are you just, you know, I mean, just shopping for a wife? Well, I mean, are you, you know, are you making sure you're bluebubbed

the old bunghole first before they stick it in if you go to the dealership for service or what but and that's the right place is just all the dealerships they did it can't uh... what's going on a rage for you this week we all know that uh... your america's wingman

everybody highly appreciateates that. I don't know what to call this rage, I guess I could call it an anti-wingman. And what I mean by that is, so you're seeing a girl, you're seeing a guy whoever it may be, and then comes the time where you gotta meet a couple of their friends. Of course, this happens every fucking time. They're friends. How does Denzel's kids have to come in and they try to either try to help you like you

need help dating the person or need help the person. Well, if you do this to that, she likes that and I think it'd be really great if you did this, you know, don't do that. Like shut the fuck up. I don't, I'd never asked for your opinion i'm here dating the so-and-so are seeing so-and-so i'm not fucking here to date you and the worst part of it is we should say that i'd be guy friends of the worst

because what happens is those guy friends they're mad that you are fucking their friend and they're not getting fucked but they want to fuck that friend yeah they want to kind of put it in you know what hey i'm so and so i i'm her big brother would you stop at the big brother bullshitting

sick the second wrong the second you're not interrupted and i don't need fucking uh... life coach advice from you from the friends you know that's my rage of a hope it made sense go fuck yourself See you next week boundaries man People don't people don't have reliable boundaries. No, a lot of boundary issues

Floating around it's true the world. Yeah, the friendscape. Mm-hmm Think no, thank you. Yeah No, thank you. Yeah. No, thank you. Just calm down everybody. That's what you gotta say before you talk to anybody. You gotta lay out the ground rules. You meet new people, everybody. You only need, I need y'all to calm the fuck down.

Just settle down. We're just gonna have a nice dinner. We're gonna, we're, everybody go around the circle and say what the hell's wrong with you. We're gonna go around once. All the women here are gonna talk about their husbands. So you don't have to force it in later in a weirdly awkward way and fuck up the conversation.

Next we're gonna go around and all the guys are just gonna say something weird and inappropriate. Yeah, get it out of the way Yeah before because it's gonna not it's gonna be knowing at the inside of your teeth all might Mm-hmm trying to escape trying to do a weird trying to mark your territory in a weird way Just let's just get it all out in the open so we can have a good night. Yeah Yeah, don't know why it's there, but we need to get it out. Just go to the bathroom and say it. Mm-hmm.

Well, all, and then we're all gonna, we're gonna just write it on a card, and then we're gonna burn the cards. And then we can have a nice dinner. And we can get back to our spirit cooking, like normal people. Yeah. Civilized. Civilized.

Civilized people. Hey, Dick. I just wanted to call and say what makes me a rage. It's analogies. Every time I hear an analogy, I'm in the middle of an argument and someone saying, yeah, what you're talking about is just like this other thing that has nothing to do with what we're talking about at all. People don't understand that, like, they keep trying to use arguments as tools of persuasion instead of what they're supposed to be, which is tools of explanation. They're just quick things to get everybody on the same page. Like when Sean or to ask, like, what's Pokemon go? It's interactive Google Maps. That's all it is. That's what an analogy

is supposed to be. You can't use it to talk about, you can't use it to persuade people. Why would you talk about like a similar situation to what you're talking about and make good and bad points about that? When you can just talk about what you're supposed to be, the actual situation or thing. Just talk about that. Don't make stupid fucking analogies. You know, it's, uh, I have stopped people from making analogies if they're trying to make a point. Like, cause it's a good for, I think, I think I read this on Scott Adams blog, like an analogie's good for introducing you to a new thing. Yeah. And that's it. And that's all because each thing, each, each argument or each concept has its own unique points. Yeah, and it's like well, analogies never going to be dead on. I don't think.

Very rarely. Once you understand where it compares to the thing, that's where it starts deviating. Yeah, that's where it's no longer useful. Like everybody understands everything that's going on with politics. Making analogies out of them is like intentional. It's all like intentionally confusing the issue, you know, to sell it, like to get to sell you on the idea, to get you in a brand new analogy.

Hey, got low APR financing on this, you don't like that analogy? Well, how about this analogy? It's got a sunroof. It's got low APR financing on this. You don't like that analogy? Well, how about this analogy? It's got a sunroof. It's got, you're familiar with it. It's from the 80s, this analogy. I don't know, I walk you on in this one. It's just like a weird sales pitch.

And I do it, I'm guilty of it. Oh yeah, the middle east is a boat thing, but that's for comedy. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, it's rules are out the window when it comes to analogies and comedy. Yeah, there you go, together.

Two of you want. Peanut butter and tuna fish. It just happens all the fucking time. It's like, bitch, I already fucking know what, I already know what is a birth control. I don't need an analogy of it. Right. What are you trying to explain to me

that I don't, we all know what it is. Yeah, it's like a, it's like a, it's like a, a very small little atomic bomb. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, imagine if, imagine if it was Skittles and one of the Skittles was contained a poisonous red. Why does it need, why does it need to be Skittles? Right.

Just have it be what it is. M&M's. Yeah. M&M's. Just have it be immigrants. Oh, I said M&M's. Yeah. There's two M's. Can't spell M&M's without immigrants.

Immigrants. Hahaha. I mean, it is like I see both sides doing it too. Make a meme that good. Stop with the Skittles sides doing it to make a meme that good. That got to make a meme that good. No, can't spell Mams without immigrant. Well, that first meme was great for then. Ooh, very, very racial.

That's a hard pill. That's a hard skiddle to swallow. Hey, dick. I just finished listening to the last episode and what I really miss, the fact that Maddox cannot fucking see a joke right in front of his face, that was part of the best part. Yeah, that was a good show. There were a lot of those.

You pull out, it's like, okay, let's do the rankings for the problems and you put your two first and then his below that. And that's like the obvious joke, because I'm going to pick my own stuff and say his blow that. And that's like the obvious joke goes I'm going to pick my own stuff and say that's the better. He's like well actually I have a study that actually just proves that that. Jesus Christ. How do you miss that? I remember that joke. Yeah. There were a lot of those. There were a lot of those. Just can't see the joke. Yeah. I do miss that part about the that was part that was part of when I used to say it was like doing a comedy show, but like not Making it obvious that we're ripping on a guy with a with a disability of some kind

Which those when you'd miss those jokes like oh man, that's not There's something Gary Bucy about missing the joke. It's just too Too it's too obvious man. Of course, it's a joke He's talking about the lost bonus episode that that guy I guess just posted on a loss bonus two, it's two happiest man. Of course it's a joke. He's talking about the lost bonus episode that that guy I guess just posted on the, well lost bonus, I mean, it was a lost episode. Yeah. One more.

Sure. You know what, let me find a lettuce Jones one. Oh boy. Where do we leave off with lettuce Jones the last time? I think it was on three. Yeah, and it was about, he was just about to go pro fly. Was he? Yeah. Let's find out. Well, he'd be right. Yeah. We found out from our contest. Right. Because if you're in danger, man, you got to get the foot, you got to, you don't have time to put your pants back together.

It's true. I got Facebook news too. We'll do lettuce shons. I don't do Facebook. Okay dick. So so again, let us shums These guys they're peeing without using their fly. What the fuck is wrong with these people? All right, I I don't know. I mean, okay, I guess I'm a weirdo because according to a fucking reddit poll A bunch of guys and they don't use their fight pulled on their fucking underwear with you people what are you doing what are you doing you do not need to uh... everyone's like all my dick my dick so big my dick my dick is you know pringles and i i can't fit it through the whole yet

yeah right okay we all know that your dick is so small and you can't even find it when you dig through the fucking holes. You have to just pull it on your entire pants and expose your ass like a child. Like butter. You have to pee. It's ridiculous. Use your fly. That's what it's there for. All right.

I have to listen. There's only one time in my entire life that I accidentally dipped my penis into the zipper I was like six years old. It was a horrifying incident But I learned my lesson, okay, and ever since then I have never had a problem with my zipper You can you can unzip your zipper you know, maybe your dick will touch the zipper. It's okay If you're a real man your dick is so like leathery and tough If you're a real man, your dick is so like leathery and tough. You know, straight against the zipper is not really a thing. Okay.

Depends how long I've been working at home. That's the fair for. It's better to use the fly. I thought you'd want to sit down fizzing to protect us. Okay. So you, another stupid thing that you said, Dick, was because the North China bought all the flays. That might be the stupid thing that you said dick was the north to the bottom of the slave. That might be the stupidest thing you've ever said.

But why? Don't ever I that language you to bought all the slaves. Oh, oh, oh, okay. I mean, it just it just seems like it could have worked to me. That's all. Well, because you're because of the Southern commerce, the economy was built based on slave labor. So it's like you're basically, you're taking away, you're destroying an economy immediately. Well, also because it's more moral than like sending dudes to die.

Like why don't we try to buy them off? Like if a mugger comes and says, give me your money, we don't tell people to fight them. To the death, we say, give up the money. Yeah, just don't even ask any questions. Yeah, so, but then when it comes to war, we're like, we gotta fight them. Well, we gotta, you know, come on. Because the people saying, let's have a war,

are not the ones dying. They're all paying less on the dollar to convince people to go die so they say with memes old men start them in young men fight them die in hell yeah yeah i think that's fucking bullshit um i don't know does that make sense yeah i mean i i get i don't think it's the dumbest thing you've ever said thank Thank you. I'll take that. For the rest of your, for us, your podcast career, just don't talk about the Civil War.

If I had one more, uh, fucking, uh, if I, if I hear one more person talk about all what the, you know, the Civil War or the South was more concerned about, uh, uh, uh, States right. If I hear one more motherfucker, it mentioned state rights when it comes to the Southern or the Commonwealth of the Jail. It starts with Civil War. I don't wanna kill a motherfucker.

Because when the South was created, their constitution had two very distinct differences between the United States Constitution. They basically took the US Constitution and then a number one was, the number one change they made was, we're gonna have slaves, and then number two was a symbol shoot about States rights.

So at the very most, at the very, or at the very least, all right, the South, the States rights was like 50% of what they're fighting for, but we all know that slavery was the number one thing. You fucking idiot. That's right. That's kind of a tan like the South didn't want slavery. I don't care about wolves. There was one farmer who joined the Confederacy, you like, you know, he kind of just said it because you cared about it. Yeah, fuck you.

Get up again. You know what? He's not able to make the Chicago show because his house arrest ends the next week. Oh, wow. He's in St. Louis, isn't he? I don't know. I think he's in close enough though. Okay. I'll hear all here, I'll hear Facebook news and then we're done. Oh, this is Facebook news, right? Captain Jackass with Facebook news. Okay. Hello, Dick and hello, Dick heads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple of days. I love it. Sile Cavage attended a wedding on October 7th. He was denied a plus one because the bride was too nervous of whom he would bring. Hmm. Well, the bride's master plan took a dark turn. When Sile woke up with one of the bride's aunts,

screenshots were posted to verify such savage claims. Woo! Totally Farina has published groundbreaking accusations of overla... Wait a minute, a phenomenon. You talk about your all-time bag fires! A phenomenon. I don't know why you ruining my wedding. He had fucked your mom's sister. He had that sister.

Winds the Week. Yeah. Good job. Winds the Week. Sensitive dickhead reporting people for what they post and what is argued with the bottom of the internet the Dixiel Facebook group. Other dickheads have also came out and claimed to have been zucked too as of late. Within this post a fake account with a silhouette of Darth Vader claimed responsibility.

This same account called everyone Cox and said he got the report and material from a thread titled, What is your favorite racist word? Lastly, Jonathan Edinger told dickheads that he has not known the touch of a woman for over a year, and invited Dickheads to ask him anything. Jonathan cites his weight and lack of motivation as the culprit, and while some Dickheads are encouraging him to hit the gym and man up, others are boasting numbers as high as five in six years without knowing the touch of a woman. This has been the Dixiel Facebook group news

for the last couple of days. That's rough. Five years. Six years without the touch of a woman. They get a do-over, right? When those guys are done, they get up to whatever. Oh, it's like a life do-over? Yeah, when they get out of the computer simulation, I mean, like a life do over.

Yeah, when they get out of the computer simulation for them, when Elon Musk simulation ends, he gives them another go, right? Maybe. I hope so. That's how Magnanimously he's feeling. I got some cool stuff this week. Brash Rhino sent in the actor who played Jim Lehi, Trailer Park Boys, that.

Oh, I know. Yeah. That's bomber, man. That means the series is over He was so good. I mean, and I'm I'm No sarcasm like he was great in that role. Yeah, he was such a so believable and he has all these cool videos on his YouTube of like him doing cement work at his house Yeah, I think it's a cool guy when he destroys a Ricky's trailer with a tractor, and was it one of the movies?

And he's just super drunk, because he's back on the sauce, and he just jumps down, he just goes, Ta-da! He sent me a pack of cigarettes from the trailer park boys movie. Oh, wow.

Rache Rhino sent that. Pretty fucking cool, man, because they robbed that convenience store and all the cigarettes. Yeah, the ship mobile rolls into the cigarette store and alarm goes off. So Ricky just grabs a truck, a car full of cigarettes. It shows me. Thanks a lot, man. That sucks that the shows that's not going to be watchable. No, can't replace really, really getting fucked fucked up, but but you can't be replaced.

All right, guys. See you next Tuesday. Thanks.