The Dick Show - Episode 74 - Dick on Exile

Episode Date: October 31, 2017

Banned from Twitter, shoulder nipples on leather jackets, corporate birthday wishes, Randy's too-hard high-fives, Coach builds a step, internalizing authority, Adam Nash calls in, how to eat a cinderblock, modern infomercials, my new cereal, a DickHead in the publishing industry, Blaire Witch urinal positions, and Bitcoins; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah Welcome to dick you need dick you love, you want Dick as the show. Where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker in the city of failure I'm your host Dick Masterson. With me is always a Sean, audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up buddy, joining us today is my life coach.

You're looking like a disheveled James Bond. Is my life coach? Oh my God. You put on the tux again. Put on your tux. We were at a, we were at a Halloween party last night. Coach win a shy LaBouffe. Yeah. He wore a tuxedo and he put a paper bag over his head that said, we will not. What was it? I am not famous anymore. With a little hole poked in it for a joint, no big deal.

Don't worry about that. Yeah. The costume had the amazing effect of when the bag was removed, it went from being shy above to being Harvey Weinstein. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. That's, oh, classic coach. Woo. Classic coach.

That's, uh, that's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. I wish everyone had a clear mental picture of that. The dishevelment that is that costume, you mean? Well, it's just if coach pulls it off, it's all right. Yeah, if I had to go right here, I could pass. Then you could go last as many women as you, is that what you're gonna say?

Yeah. You can offer services, you can offer fame. Look, exchange for watching you shower. Yeah. Harvey, he really ruined the best lines that we had. That's what really, that's the worst part about the Harvey Weeners team fiasco. I mean, now when you ask a chick to just give you a back rub,

it's gonna seem creepy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah you a back rub, it's going to seem creepy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, before it was, that was my go-to. Hey, you just want to watch me shower? No big deal. Can't have much things. Yeah.

Now, if I say they're going to be like, oh, like Harvey Weinstein, like, oh damn it. Now, what? Now, what? What is an innocuous nude activity that you can engage in? Yeah. You wanna watch me tan? That's not the same. Something erotic about that.

You can't add that side. So it is erotic. So it is supposed to be erotic. Showering? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, am I, I don't think it is. I don't think it is.

The truth comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, it's a, one of these, it's a, it's a, it's a grown day, man. It's my birthday today. Happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

It was. I got some sick presents over here. You know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what,

you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you know what, you what, you know what, you what, you know what, you what, you what, you what, you what, you what, you what, you what, what, you what, you. I don't feel at all that you are remembering,

it's that a computer remembered my birthday. Right. I feel worse having read that. I feel worse that Facebook remembered it's my birthday and is telling me happy birthday. Yeah. I got an automated text from my mortgage brokers, CRM system, customer retention management system,

wishing me a happy birthday today with a bunch of emojis. And I'm like, dude, this just cheapened the emojis I got from minefu. Mm-hmm. What is the, who is this for? Do you, do you set it up to tell you happy birthday? How does it feel? Yeah, do you log, do you have it every day text you saying good morning? I love you.

No, then why would you do this to anyone else? How little do you think of me? Yeah. How little do you think of my birthday that you want to squeeze in there before everybody else before my family Before any person could wake up right Hey happy birthday. Who who's this? Who do I have to say just text it texted to my robot Yeah, I gotta I gotta robot for all the robots to talk to yeah to pass along the pertinent information. Yeah It's called the trash can. Yeah.

I just put googly eyes on a garbage can. Yeah. That's my assistant robot. It's basically a very thinly veiled way of just any more spam, like, you know, oh, yeah. Oh, hey, happy birthday. Yeah. I'm hearing you the fan over here.

Here's, and you're probably not gonna like, this probably doesn't run afoul of like spam law, because we're just genuinely wishing you a happy birthday. Right. I mean, your honor, if it was, clearly our intention was pure. I mean, it's the man's birthday. What man, what man wouldn't want a bunch of birthday texts on his birthday?

Just you think everything we do as a company is for profit? Oh, we're offended. I take offense to that, sir. I'm gonna take your birthday off of our automated birthday wishing list. Yeah for that. Yeah. God fucking damn it. That really pissed me off today. It's one of those, it's a growner, man. Yeah. Wake up every day, needs, every year, and need a couple more groans to get into this one. Up to about 37 groans,

you need to get out of bed. Ooh. Ah! Gotta get him out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh.

New ones, there's new ones in my toes. I twisted the fuck out of my ankle last night leaving a hearty shit I forgot about that dude. I fell over like an old fucking man. Is there right? Yeah, I Just no reason other than you know step it off a month of alcohol stepped off the curb. It wasn't even the alcohol really I stepped right off the curb into a pit of shame in the alcohol. Really, I stepped right off the curb into a pit of shame. Normally, I would just pile on here, but I must say that this whole mountain is built out of like bubble gum and shoestring and sticks.

There are no building codes. No, this is old man. Everything's so kind of crumbly. You can't count on a step being the height you expect it to be. It's like Mexico. It is like Mexico. It's in the curb outside. It's just chunks of

curb just laying in the street at all different times. From people just hitting it over and over and over again. Well, my ankle's gone now. It's not going to, it's no longer operable. Destroyed. I don't want to. It would have been better if it, it was the good one too. Well, you know, it was my good ankle. Yeah.

Not the bad one that I like, it's not the one that I try to stick indoors when they're closing. This was the care anymore. Yeah, yeah. Like I gotta get that door open, fuck it. Like I don't really, maybe this, you know when the elevator doors are closing

and you jab your foot in, I'm like, you know, I know it's supposed to open, but a lot of things are supposed to do a lot of things that they don't do. Fuck it. I'm using the right one. So where do I always use my hands for that? Oh, yeah. The elevator doors.

The money makers? Yeah, I just have, I guess I just have faith that the, that the, you know, the system will work. That's bad. That's bad. I catch the next one. Well, I hit, I was against it with like the bottom of my palm, you know. I stick my arm in and then sometimes and then I just stare at the people.

They're next to me. Yeah, and see if it's true. And then right in their eyes, do you see what I'm doing? That's their dominant. Yeah, I was hoping that clothes look away. Oh, I think I always get all flustered. They like for the rest of their lives, they're probably remembering that moment. Yeah.

That guy was really fucked up. I was kind of hoping to close and then like lift the person up. Yeah. that guy was really fucked up. I was kind of hoping to close and then like lift the person up. Yeah, you're like a cartoon. Yeah, that'd be pretty funny. Stepped off the curb, ruined my good ankle. That was a good night though. That was the first one.

Oh yeah. That was one Randy's losing his fucking mind. I know. These Dodgers games. I convinced him to go to the World Series. The one that went like 12 innings. How did he get tickets? Money. Yeah. No, no, Randy. He's Hollywood. Randy now. Well, Hollywood. Randy paid a minimum of a thousand dollars to get a ticket. He wouldn't tell me how much you paid. Do you pay that? That's a hell of a game to see.

I made the mistake of putting my hand up after they scored a run and he attacked it. He attacked it with his hand. Oh my god. Randy called it a high five. That was assault. Man, I held my fucking hand up and Randy has like jet packs on the back of his hand. He's like, dude, he gave me a high five. I was like, no, no, no, no, you got to, that was basically a punch, man.

That was fucked. Yeah, he takes, he takes it very seriously. We were texting the other night too. It's, it hurt though. Yeah. Like what that is, there's no place in this bar for that sort of aggression on a high five. Oh, he gets a, gets a little bit of the sauce in him. He's a young man, he doesn't understand.

You can't hit people's extremities that hard. Right, I don't grow back. When they've had too many birthdays too. No matter how excited you are. As you'll say, it's like the birthday spam. It's like an excuse to hit another guy. Oh man, realing it up. Yeah, you can.

Hi, man. Hey, that's the new thing. If you high five, me too hard. Bunchy, right? I will punch you right in the stomach. Give you a low five. Immediately after. So I'm gonna hold up my left hand.

And with my other hand, I'm targeting your solar plexus. And I'm gonna knock the, if it's slightly too hard, I am immediately gonna hit you. While you're fully extended. Yeah. That shit fucking Randy calm down. The high fives, you son of a bitch. He's calling Dustin screaming into his voicemail.

Really? Yeah. Does he know Dustin? I mean, who doesn't know Dustin? And who's his number? You know, just, somebody gave him Dustin enough. Good enough. I like you. Somebody't know Dustin? And who's his number? You know, just somebody gave him Dustin enough. Good enough. I like you.

Somebody gave him Dustin's. So Dick is like, what when they tied up at the top, anyway, they were up like one run. He used to instill as a chance. Still as a whole, inning to do something. And Dick is like, oh yeah, this game is blocked up. James is blocked up. We blocked up.

Locked up. Locked up. No possible way to lose this up no possible way to lose this No possible way to lose Wonderful another victory we tied up the series and it's like it's fucks with their brains man They're trying to ignore it and they know they're fucked. I was like ah, yeah, nothing could go wrong here. Yeah Oh, man, don't, the time ended happened! I can't believe another win, another W.

I was, I said, series might as well be over. Well, you know, like I, like I've said many, many times, like, you know, real God definitely does not exist. Baseball God, yeah, sports gods, I've seen far too much evidence to refute their existence. Oh man. You know, it made me rage about the nachos. I know what made me rage about that night, the nachos. I didn't see them.

I got there after the night. Nachos are always bullshit. Oh, I just heard that. There's a lot of bad nachos out there. And theory, and theory, they're just amazing. But in practice, it is a plate of chips with just a bunch of meat on top of it. Yeah, well, and should hopefully have an instant. And that you have to eat. but that's all on the top.

They don't lay, it should be like a cake. Layers. And they never do that. Right, very rarely. Very rarely. It's just a soggy pile of chips at the end of the day with shitty meat and cheese throughout the worst meat they've got thrown on top.

Yeah. That's a fucking nacho. Oh, thanks a lot. Just put shitty nachos and then put the good ones extra five bucks for the guy to take three minutes to just layer them a little bit. Yeah. I mean, you ordered nachos where I had a bar or something? Yeah, it's the rust again. The rust again, they used to have this really hot waitress

and skin some weight. So too big in the nachos, too many soggy, a lot of sog happening at the rust again these days. Right. Great bar though. Mm. Yeah. You know what I mean?

No, it's good, it's fine. It's fine. Not good enough for shy of love. It was freaking 20 minutes away from here. I'm accustomed to. Yeah, man. You know what else made me a rage about the world series so far? Are you in on the the racist gesture?

Yeah. The racist gesture. Yeah. What do we call it? Whatever. The guy who looks like a troll doll made fun of the. I mean, the guy who been guy, right? Gareal. Yeah. Gareal. And Darvish is that hair that looks like a troll doll. And Darvish is the Japanese picture for the Dodgers. And Gareal does a squinty eye

thing. And then it's a nice back. It's a ch Chinito. Well, you know, that's okay. But the pulling the eyes back, that's the one that got him in trouble. Yeah. I like that. Sean, they were gonna suspend him. Yeah, I, well, they're considering suspending this man. Well, they did, Nifer next year.

Yeah. I like how it's like, well, let's, you know, let's like, you carried away. Yeah. In the world series. Destroy the world series. Yeah, exactly. Because. In the World Series. Destroy the World Series. Yeah, exactly. Because a guy did something that everybody does

in his hilarious. Right. Well, that was actually the commissioners, kind of his reasoning for like doing it next year is that he didn't want to punish the Astros team who made it to the World Series by suspending them now. So that's. It's so fucking dumb that we need to have an inquiry. Yeah. Yeah. I

I like that he just says he says Chinito, which is what he said he said he said which means like little Chinese boy Chinese man, which is like he's Japanese of course. Well, you know, what I'm saying though is around about way of saying that it's not just me who couldn't tell that Randy was not is around about way of saying that it's not just me who couldn't tell that Randy was not career. This is all the stretch. Yeah. You're really trying to win back, save some face on that one. Well, I stopped trying to save face 10 years ago.

The whole outrage over it, I think is legitimately poisoning everyone's mind that we have a We have a sports team Pretending that this is a Suspendable issue that a guy says in the dugout. Oh, man Maybe if I looked more like him he'd throw me some pitches that are easy to hit and then demonstrates what he looks like Are you guys it reminds me of when children get, when they get hurt, when they're little children, like a five year old, if you throw a medicine ball at him,

you know, he can't, no, if he just stubs his toe or something like that, he falls off a bike, doesn't hurt. It's not a big deal, but if you run over there, sure, then you make a big deal. And go, oh my God, are you okay? I'm supposed to cry. I'm supposed to cry. That's what all this shit is.

Yeah. That's what's happened to us. A guy does a squinty-eyed gesture and a dugout of a sports game of this fucking world series. And everybody runs out to the other, oh, oh, are you okay? Are you okay? Well, are you okay? Are you okay?

Well, are you okay that he did that? And he was totally chill about it. He was as chill as anybody would, because it's preposterous. Yeah. He was like, like, you know. Yeah, I got, yeah, I mean, I got millions of dollars. Yeah.

I would like everyone to do that. And he should call it the me. He should be more, yeah, concerned about how he pitched. Then, you know, what I like though is, is there any less of an impactful punishment than the first five games of an major league baseball season? No, you could just sit out in the field. Yeah, just,

the path through the first 10% of the season, those mean nothing. Five minutes. Who was satisfied by that? Like, I wanna find the entire, our entire culture is now being run by the person who filed like PTC, like claims with the FTC talking about

seeing too much side boob on TV. Like there's one person in America who is single handedly ruining it. That's Janet Jackson. Yeah. Whoever was offended by that, we got to find him. Well, that was a lot of side-boob. I called it on that one, the FCC. He had a good lesson here. I saw that live. Yeah. You know what? I saw live. I didn't even think it was a big deal. No. I was like, oh, that's pretty provocative. Yeah, yeah, was it, you know what? I saw live. Yeah, I didn't even think it was a big deal. No, I was like, Oh, that's pretty, that's pretty provocative. Yeah. Right. A trans woman showing

her breasts. Progressive. Yeah, interesting. Interesting. And then everybody flipped out. I was like, what the hell? Why? Yeah. Oh, whoops. Looks like guy. looks like I missed the tone of the room room in that one. Didn't read the room quite right kind of rustic in man. They got one of these little bathrooms over there. Yeah Guy was uh, I walk in there except at some point I was getting pretty slosh, you know I'm in the sealed brakes and I'm ready to lose 12 beers. Yeah Walk in there and this guy's huddled in the corner like the Blair Witch trying to piss I feel breaks and I'm ready to lose 12 beers. Yeah. Walk in there and this guy's huddled in the corner like the Blair Witch trying to piss.

Like I don't know if his dick was made of like nuclear launch codes or something, but I've never seen someone so protective of their cock. Well, yeah. Like what are you worried about? Big guy. Yeah. Instead of just peeing openly, he's like shielding, huh, hunched over the toilet where there

No kind of dividers and the dividers, but yeah, so he was he was really yeah Blair witch that's funny It was he was in time out. He was a P time. He was a time out pisser. Uh-huh. Where did me out? I just stared at him The whole I stood at the other end of the room and stared at his back. A sort of dominance. I just held the door open so everybody can see what he's doing. Hey, this guy's in real weird. He can't stop. He can't stop yet. He's gonna have to cut it off. I know you're not going to cut it off, dude.

I'm not a classic dick move right there. Before the live show, I made the mistake. Oh, when people start pacing and they're not spilling anything. Anything. If you do anything out of the ordinary you'll start pointing at you You like this guy doing some weird here. Everyone look. I think it was my brother-in-law He was like he was pissing somewhere. He wasn't supposed to be pissing and he's like hey Well, you we watch out for me. Yeah, yeah

As soon as I heard the piss going I'm like hey this guy's over here pissing this guy's over here pissing on car How does he not know better? Oh! Hey, get over here! Before the live show, about half an hour before the live show, I made the mistake of like, God, I drank about a million diet coax and water, what else. I'm like, and the place was getting pretty full

and we were all backstage and I'm like, God, I gotta go take a piss and you're like, oh, that's a mistake. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to go do that. So of course, it's jam packed with dickheads and everything like that. And they recognize me. Like, hey, it can't get out of a conversation. Sean has no ability to like exit a conversation, like deescalate a conversation and then eject himself from it Like if you give he's he's like a guy Cuz I'll answer the questions and then you're like, oh, that's really interesting Yeah, and he'll start thinking about it and like give this extremely elaborate Complete like nuanced answer. Yeah, I gotta learn. Yeah, you need so media training you need media trading

Just you need to get out like finger bang move. Yeah, right back at your kiddo, bang, bang, bang, bang, and then you just make noise, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, just a bit away. Yeah, so I get up there and everybody's, is it over, is it over the underwear through the fly? I got, I got, I got, I got, it's through the fly? Oh my God. Oh my God. I think I can, one guy has, it's through the fly.

Jesus. Oh, they're doing spies. They're spying on your dick. Yeah. Now I want, I want to have a picture of him in a urinal like with 10 dudes all their heads around, looked him magnifying glasses. It's through the fly everyone.

Mission, mission accomplished. Like, I basically, we got it. We got it back stage. I basically, we got back stage, I basically like put my head down and walked like, like I was like walking by braille, like bumping onto people. So I got backstage again, because I can't get out of a conversation at all. You're right.

It's anyway, that was that that learned like a road runner. The next time, the next time I will like piss in a cut backstage, just put a catheter in like I do. That's cool. Yeah, you got the cool thing. What's the stadium buddy? The stadium pal. Is it a catheter? Well, it's like a thing. So you can piss in your seat watching a sporting of the diaper. David Sideris wrote an article. He tried one. Yeah. Yeah, it was. He's the hardest thing to do is like actually tell yourself it's okay

to piss in your pants. Oh yeah. It's totally ridiculous. Like, no one should ever use this. Yeah. Anyway. Oh boy. Let's see.

What else makes me rage? Well, I got banned from Twitter. Oh, Jesus. Everybody knows that. Yeah. I got to play you this song that LaKembra wrote, commemorating my banning. Finally happened.

That's insane. It finally happened to me, boys. No more. No, you don't have Dick to push around anymore on Twitter. Just minding my own business. Minding my own business on Twitter and people have to go and say nice things about Maddox. What am I supposed to do?

Yep. Just dropping hot, hot jokes. Yeah, hot, hot jokes, Sean. How much damage could you do in 140 carriages? Well they gave me 300. It's really, it's Twitter's fault. Oh, they did. Yeah. They gave me the... How did you do that? Yeah. LeCember wrote this almost immediately.

Yeah. The guy can really crank him out. He can, unlike you, Sean. Oh. I don't crank anything out. One song we wanted you to do for the album. Would you know my name? If I was banned from Twitter?

No, yeah. Would it be the same? No, it's not the same. It's not the same at all. If it went down the shit of... It did go down the shitter. It makes shitter sound pretty. Yeah. I'm supposed to be strong. And carry on. Cause I know.

And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong.

And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And I'm not going to be strong. And carry on, cause I know something, something, Sean's dawn. There you go. Hard left tribute tribute to me getting banned from Twitter right there. So fuck.

Thank you, LeCambra. I still haven't recovered from saying I'm hot getting booted. Yeah. He was fun. I appealed that I really, I'm glad we did that bonus episode on Thursday. Like that just coincidentally was when I got banned from Twitter. Yeah. But I'm glad we recorded it hot that night. That was not real fucking pissed.

Yeah. Yeah. Very fucking pissed that getting banned from Twitter. So I grew that account from when it was nothing. Yeah. From when it was 5,000 Twitter's. Yeah. I grew it from that to 13,000. Now it's fucking gone. It's gone. PNG'd from the internet. I know my fucking name anymore. They just hold it. They hold it from you. What do you have to, how different a name? I mean, what do you have to do?

Open new email account, new, like just new. Yeah, I tried creating another account immediately. Right. And it was immediately banned. Yeah. It's like, wow, good thing I didn't think of a funny name for that fucking account. Like Dick Masterson won.

Yeah, hilarious. I think I found somebody sent me the tweet that they think got me banned. Yeah, I'll read it. They think. Yeah, they think. Will Twitter ever verify what they do? They used to, like every time I've been locked out,

they make me delete things that I said about Maddox. And they're usually not that bad, but yeah, I guess I's all pissed off about them. Here's the Ben Rodgers don't yeah for a couple hours. Oh, he's yeah, cuz he was tweeting about Don Lemon. He called a cov-cov-cov sucker. He did? Yeah, that's funny. It was funny. Lemon is the worst. Uh, this dude says, hey, Dix about to get banned from Twitter. And then here's the tweet that he sent. Uh, here's, I was, I was in an argument with Chris Raygun because Chris Raygun goes on Maddox's show and then plugs it. And every time he does it, I say,

Hey, you're like this big anti SJW guy. Like you should know that the guy you're promoting, like ruined my fucking life in comedy and because of this like fabricated charge of being a rape apologist, number one, him and his, and him and his cronies, like legitimately called someone's job to get them fucking fired and lied about it. And by the way, this is all hearsay. I don't think I've talked about it before. I was told that at a party, Maddox and his girlfriend told Roger Barron his wife that the reason they called or the reason she mental just called 80s girl school was because I said I had that breakup letter.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, then it was retaliation for that. Obviously, I have no idea if that's true. Yeah. I have no idea if it was true, even if it was said, but that's what was told to me. Of course, I have no fucking way to verify it because they just close ranks, man. It's weird. It's weird to see.

So when Chris Raygun goes on a show and I say, Hey, and many people say, watch out for this fucking guy because this is what he did. Are you sure you want to be promoting this shit? His response is always, well, I don't involve myself in petty drama. Right there, I got it. Right there, we got an aggression. It's not fuck, there's nothing about this is petty. Well, that's that, yeah.

You piece of shit, like exactly, get fucked. It could have been, I don't involve myself, period. I need more information. Give it to me. I don't involve myself in petty drama. Well, then you already have it labeled in your fucking head, dude. Yeah, that's right.

Making the rest of this conversation a farce. And if there's one thing I can pick out is when a conversation is a fucking trick. People are real good at doping you into exhausting yourself, explaining yourself over and over and acting like they're just being rational. It'll drive you fucking insane, but it's very easy to spot if you're, if you want to spot it. It's very easy to spot. If you're, if you want to spot it, it's very easy to spot, because they'll always frame shit like that. Well, as I don't involve myself in petty drama, why do you immediately think it's petty

drama? Immediately. You don't think all these people have a point? All of them. Because you need it to be. You need it to be petty drama because you associate and plug these people and you're never going to stop. That's why.

Cause it's hard. It's hard to stop. Oh yeah, when you're in the end. Yeah, it's hard to stop when YouTube revenue's tanking. When it's easier and you win the, it's getting more and more saturated to crank out shitty songs about being anti SJW. When the word itself starts to become so fucking boring,

that nobody even wants to hear you shit on it anymore. It's hard, but that's kind of the fucking point. Anyway, I was in a conversation with this Jackass on Twitter and somebody chimed in and said, hey, well, maybe if you weren't such an asshole, you wouldn't have a restraining order. And I said, I don't have the fucking restra- I don't have the fucking restraining.

So I said, how stupid are you? Well, this one gets a little dicey, actually. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. I said, how stupid are you? Maddox's kind girlfriend has a restraining order, not me, eat a cinder block? Honestly, when I read that in my mind, where my mind goes, I think that's tame.

Oh, it's silly. That's maybe how fucked up I am or how out of touch I am with just how far gone we are, with words on the entry. Oh, yeah But like I just go like oh, yeah, you basically you were just like yeah, stupid bitch get fucked That's what you said. Yeah, he just fucking No, it's a stupid bitch. I really get fucked Cut as millions of people every day telling me and everyone else to eat shit

But as soon as I involve Masonry, that's over. With, by the way, you can do, Cinderblocks are edible. There's a disorder for people who eat like minerals and rocks. Yeah. Shit like that. Rats eat them. That's why it's funny, because you can actually do it. I'm not telling you to eat shit, because that's gross.

I don't want you to do it, and it's not healthy. Yeah. It could be very bad for you. You could get a myriad of diseases. And you don't know what kind of insurance plan the guy has. I mean, it might really cost him some money. Sean, I don't like the guy. I'm not wish him harm.

You know, I don't want him to get E. coli or some shit or be known as a shit eater. I just want him to sit down and figure out how to eat a cinder block. Yeah. That's all, because that's how stubborn he is. Just sit down like a fucking rat and figure out how to eat a cinder block. Yeah, that's all, because that's how stubborn he is. Right.

Just sit down like a fucking rat and figure, and just, and first of all, can you eat it? Figure that out first. Right. Go back to the beginning and then realize at some point, hey, I shouldn't be eating this cinder block

because that's how you fucking, because that's a joke! That's why that joke fucking works. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Band. That. Band. Sit. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. What could be done? Oh, you know what, I went to Gab. Andrew Torbub sent out a, Andrew Torbub gabbed it. I guess. I gotta learn a whole new vocabulary. Oh yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you know, yeah. And I'm happy about it. I like to gab now. Do you want to really answer to something? Just bing it. Do you croak? Croak it? No, it's gab.

Don't make it stupid. Croak. It's gab. Just, I'm gabbing up a storm now. I ribbing gab. I'm gab. I stick my ancient torbid, I can't stop saying tweet. Gab that out that I was on the platform, which was cool, but there's, you know,

you can't, there's nobody on it. Well, it's 10, how you get, dude, it takes a long time to build up 10,000 followers. Or however many 15,000. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, even if they let you back on Twitter with zero followers, that's like, fuck, you know, like, I'm not going to start this over. It's so fucked, man. So they feel like there's a suspension. Yeah. And I'm like, Hey, it also stops from getting cool guests on this show.

Yeah. Cause they see somebody with 13,000 followers and think, yeah, I'd be a guest on that guy. I suppose to 13 followers. 13 followers is not no chance of that happening. 13 followers and McMaster's in three. McMaster's in 37. That's my new name. One of my biggest frustrations is that there's no rules that are codified, right? I mean, it's one thing to just have arbitrary rule. If you could say, hey, what can I not do to just not get banned? There is no list of rules. It's so arbitrary and bullshit. You mentioned this on the bonus episode, I think.

You know, somebody said, I don't know if I said it explicitly, but if there's no objective rules, then there's no rules. Exactly. It's just, we don't like you. Right, exactly. Well, which rule did I fucking break by inviting someone to test their mustard against the Cinder block if they so choose? Which point me the fucking rule?

Because if it doesn't exist, then what's the point of having any fucking rules? Now, it's very, it's extra frustrating because the this shit, this gentrification of language is going to be internalized by everybody just like, just like drugs are bad, right? The war on, we, the war on drugs started with no good intent at all. Didn't even fuck about people doing drugs. It's just a way to control minorities and to stop hemp from being a competitor to the millions of things that compete with. Right? But because it's illegal, people start inventing their own reasons for why it's bad. Like, oh, you know, well, well, even though the laws were started for a bad reason,

it is, they are illegal. Therefore, it's bad. It's like, well, what though the laws were started for a bad reason, it is, they are illegal. Therefore, it's bad. It's like, well, what the fuck, what makes in your mind, why do you, you have to internalize every single piece of authority that comes down as being correct or else you're a pussy, right? Like, if an authority figure tells you to do something, you got to figure out your mind warps it so that this is good for you or else you're the pussy and stand up to authority. That's what this shit is. Hey, you can't be, you can't be a dickhead on, you can't be an asshole to people online. You

can't say any shit that we don't want you to say against race or gender or gender identity or race fucking identity or all that that you can't say anything about it or else you get the boot. And then you got millions of people who need compulsively in their brains to say, well, that's, yeah, that's clearly good. Of course, of course I'm being told to do it. Therefore, I'm not a pussy.

I'm a rational person with total control over my life. And I actually agree with them. Or else that would be false. Well, just eat a sender block. I mean, because that I'm guessing it's not saying cunt that got you banned. No, I appealed it and they said, well, your whole account looks like it's designed

to incite harm against. And then it's like the title nine group, like all the, all, everyone who's not a white man, basically, the other, it's, you can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want to people who are politically minded or white or man, but you know, people of color, people of women, people of whatever gender they've got going on. Is that list? That's the list that I was designed to incite harm toward. The harm of shit talking.

Well, what sucks is, I know for fact, that's not your goal. I mean, anyone who knows you knows that's not your goal What's weird is that so now it's just anything if someone could interpret it that way then it's bad it's just thought policing and It's freaky. It's freaking me out man So you can see me a gab I guess cap today. I slash thick master's in It's a bummer. Let me see what else I got here

Got to write a new book. Yeah, I think I'm gonna release the second one I'm doing the court document stuff. I want to commentate on it because guys like Chris Reagan don't know what happened Yeah, so fuck it. I'll I have to publish that court document It's a teachable moment to teachable moment. Yeah, I'm I owe it. I have to publish that court document. It's a teachable moment. To teachable moment. Yeah. I owe it to, I mean, he's basically asked me to do it. Yeah.

So I got to do it. I got to make comments on it and then publish it. I'll try to have it. What do you get? Super banned. Yeah, what are you gonna do? Super Twitter, double secret, double secret. What is a double secret probation?

Probation. Okay, what else, what is left to get banned on? I'm sure I'll find out. I think I'm gonna do just the internet as a whole. Yeah, I think I'm gonna write a second book and have that out on the 10th anniversary of Men and Men and Men of the Women. Oh, it is.

I think it's April 8th. I gotta check. It's either April 4th or I think it's April 8th. No, well. That'd be cool. It would be cool. I don't know what to, I don't know what to make it about yet. Figure it out. Yeah. Figure it out. It was meant to be though.

The 10th 10th anniversary is coming up. Yeah. One book every 10 years, not too shabby. I got to get seven books in me then. Yeah. And you, you only promised this book a week ago, not seven years ago. Let's see here. You know, it also makes me rage. I got one more. Shoulder nipples. What? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yep. And I think I know where the root of that rage comes from saying, yeah, I'm remembering a story, fucking jacket. You can tell that one. Oh, my leather, my beautiful leather Indiana Jones jacket. Shoulder that I got from the guy,

the original guy who made the Indiana Jones jacket for the movie. That's a lie. No, I swear to God. I was just gonna ask if that was true or not. I swear to God, Weston leather in London, dude, before the internet was easy to use. No, I swear to God. I was just gonna ask if that was true. I swear to God, Weston leather in London. Dude, before the internet was easy to use. So nice jacket. Like when it was using that groups, when I was 16 or something, I tracked this motherfucker down. I pulled the thread in my investigation.

Yeah Hold the thread. I be a good detective here. Yeah Guys at bottom that mystery yeah pretty quickly Quickly and uncomfortably look you want it done quickly? Are you want it done is uncomfortably? You are comfortably I got two options at the dick at dick dick private at dicks private dick You want you want to know if your husband cheated on you comfortably or you want to know right the fuck now I'll kick that motherfucker's door in hey you cheating on your fucking wife or what let me see your phone get it out Good news. He's not cheating on you You know that'll be too grand. What's they talking about?

Oh, fucking shelter. Not liable for the door. I'm, that's on you, bitch. You wanted to know you started the thread pulling. Yeah, I just gave it a muscle. Then I flipped it around on her, which answer did you want it to be? Because he wasn't doing shit. So now it's on you.

No, yep. Mm hmm. Thought a lot about this. And then I, I'm a private investigator. And that'll be 50 bucks. For that little existential dilemma, I've just introduced into your relationship. Now it's definitely over.

Now he gets to cheat. Yeah, now he gets one for free. That'll be a grand. I'm making money on both sides. Excuse me, rough day. I tracked that guy down anyway, from London, who made the original Rezlostark coats jackets. You know, that'll be cool, it's kid.

That's awesome. Was fucking cool dude, and that dude is dead now. Oh, jackets. You know, that'd be cool. That's awesome. Was fucking cool, dude. And he's that dude is dead now. Oh, so cannot be replaced. Uh, I busted my jacket out early, like a child on like a child excited about a new puppy when the coat when the first cold front hit an LA thinking that I got to pretend to be 71. Yeah. God, that's it.

No more, no more warmth here. Now I'm just gonna look cool for months now with my cool leather jacket. I can secretly pretend that I'm Indiana Jones. I don't think there was any secret pretending. I'm gonna. I think you walked around with a bull whip for a couple months.

Wormed up again. Yeah. So I put it on, I just threw it on the chair. These chairs, a chair that has like high, high knobs on the side. Dude, I went, I saw it yesterday, I was putting things away. Fucking jacket, I shoulder nipples now. No way. Oh man, I look like, I look like fucking Indiana Jones meets Guar now.

Yeah. What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? Indiana Guar. No. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Shoulder Knipples.

No, I thought someone to express also hung it up on a wire hanger. He did. A long time ago, Sean and I and the two one expressed lived together. Yeah. Yeah. 10 more than 10 years ago. Yeah. I found in the closet that my jacket had been hung up. My leather jacket had been hung up on a wire coat hanger. And I've lost my fucking mind. Because that leave a lasting because I mean, I know at least at least temporarily. It was temporarily there for a couple of weeks I could tell. So it did actually kind of, yeah, because the whole jacket kind of stretched out.

Yeah, that's good. Okay. I didn't know that you, I didn't know that you did it to yourself. I did it to myself. Yeah, I played myself. I got my own shoulder nipples hard. But you have to find someone to blame, though. That's the one thing that I do know.

It's the only healthy thing to do. My detective answer you utilize is in that. Yes. Don't worry, ma'am. We'll find you someone to blame. You've got to lash out at someone. You can actually get rid of those with preparation H. Oh my god.

You want me to put S cream all over my leather jacket? I'm trying to seed the plant the seeds of people ruining jackass. Yeah. Like that went around that like the first iPad somebody said like that's a scale. Like it's like, like so you're good step on it.

Or that. So it's like, did you know that it acts as a scale Tell me that you can wait if you put it flat on the floor and stuff These devices do so much shit. I mean, I that's not outside the scope of possibility It's not I mean accelerometers and fucking barometers and everything. Yeah, that's on you for wanting that to be a scale. Yeah. Don't you have a fucking scale?

Yeah. How badly did you need to know how much fat you were? How much bullshit does it do? You don't need it to do. It's, it's like, wow, it's like must be like space age technology. It's been little pieces, you know, planets, planets, planets,

you could stand with a knife and I know it. Yeah. I weigh 350 pounds. I love those. Is that one where there's a forechain, like a little picture of a chat that happened on forechain where they convinced some kid to make mustard gas? Really?

Yeah, they told him to, he was trying to, he was trying to make crystals. They're like, their thing is, oh, you can make these cool crystals. You just have to combine like chlorine and cement. I don't know if it really happened. Oh, the guy goes, oh, you can make these cool crystals. You just have to combine like chlorine and scent. I don't know if it really happened. The guy goes, oh yeah, thanks guys, I woke up in the hospital.

Because I followed your instructions to make these neat crystals. I was dating this girl whose brother's school. Not banned from Twitter. Yeah, they're fine. I was dating this girl whose brother spilled weed all over their parents' living room. They were freaking out because they spilled like all the shake. Yeah.

They were afraid to use the vacuum. And I remember why they didn't use the vacuum. Guys, another chick story has stumped me. I was like, oh no, they always checked the bag to see what we vacuumed up. I think they might have heard it. Wait, what, what? No, as soon as, dude, as soon as that sticky,

icky starts getting into the crevices, that vacuum's fucked. Yeah, I just know. Yeah, right. I mean, you could, you could, I would use the vacuum and throw out the vacuum and just how it comes up with excuses to why the vacuum is all on there.

Yeah. That's probably your best move. That's a good excuse, good lie. Well, I told her to tell them that a banana, if you make it, if you, that the static electricity of a banana will pick up weed. Oh my gosh. She said they were sitting there rubbing bananas on it.

Sure it's, I'm just trying to pick up the weeds and it's not working. It's phenomenal. Oh my God, it does work. Your bananas might be too ripe. Yeah. You gotta get be too ripe. Yeah. You've got to get unripe and bananas. Going to the store at 130 in the morning.

Yeah. Looking for green bananas. Do you have any unripe? Do you have any bananas in the back? I got a real weed stain. I'm asking each other. I think this is too ripe. Just get the whole bunch.

Yeah. You got to hurry home. They're ripening by the second. Yeah. That was a good one. Shoulder nipples, man. Yeah, shoulder nipples. It's a bitch. Cause it, how do you, how do you avoid it? Well, I mean, what do you get those expensive hangers?

You just throw all your clothes in a pile on the floor. Yeah, but either of those would avoid shoulder nipples either of those, I guess so. All right, let me see if, let me see if we got any callers. Did a stereo send a bit for real? Yeah. Okay. Here's a bit from a stereo. It's a serial commercial. Hot off the press.

Hot off the asterios. Hot out of the asterios. Yeah. No one knows how many boobs were grabbed to make this bit possible. Are you looking for a nutritious breakfast rich in calcium? I mean, incredibly rich in calcium? Then you'll love Dick Masterson Cinderblock cereal. It's loaded with vitamin C, you next Tuesday, and it's 10,000 percent crunchier than other

cereals. It's so crunchy, you might assume that telling someone to eat a cinder block is an implied wish of physical harm. But it's not. It's just an invitation to try Dick Master's Cinder Block cereal. You hear that, Twitter Edmonds? And if you like our cereal, you'll love all new Dick Masterson's Curb Bites! Go bite the curb! The chocolate curb that is Dick Masterson's Curb Bites!

It's from the makers of low taxes con Greek body scrub! Nine out of ten white supremacists would love to be trapped in a room that's slowly filling with it, dry our products or go fuck yourselves. Oh boy. I'm just gonna only use nice words now. Well, that's the thing. That's why it stands for good for you. Oh, that's what I'm gonna say.

Hey, hey, hey, good for you. Yeah. I mean, really good for you. That's why the rules, they can't come up with concrete rules because it makes it absurd. Like I like Jordan Peterson, he did this video about, you know, drawing Muhammad or talking about Muhammad. Oh yeah.

And he has a smiley face and it's just a smiley face with nothing on it and he says, is this Muhammad? Yeah. You know, is this, yeah. And he tries to find that line. Yeah. And it's like, what actually depicts Muhammad? Yeah.

And it's the same thing with you. Like, you can just say, it's only, they only come with these vague terms so they can ban people who they don't like. That's, that's obviously what's going on. Yeah. That's where it's, it's, I remember that drawing Mohamed shit.

It seems like, it seems like things were so great and simple in that time. And it was not, it's no big deal that they don't like drawn Mohammed, we'll just let him have that. But now low tax is getting banned for filling rooms with cement. Yeah. Like now that's hateful.

So like an anti-concrete lobby going on or something. Big wood. Yeah, or something. Big wood. Yeah, big wood. Big wood is out. Excellent. They've got their ascender blocks and concrete. And clearly there's some anti-mason removal. And they got into Saudi Arabia.

Big wood sent a coalition to Saudi Arabia. And now that they own Twitter, they're trying to get their big wood agenda out there. Any men's first, they're going to whack you for joking about cement and masonry products. And next, they're going to start turning them into wood. It's going to start suggesting, like if you type, I'm building a deck out of some nice cement. It's going to pop up like, are you sure you don't mean nice oak like a nice rosewood.

And what the hell is this? There's gonna be some saudi and it's sitting in a tree. By the way, nice job on those stairs. Hey, thanks buddy. Yeah, I must say I'm pretty impressed. You know what? My stairs beside my house that I hired a bunch of guys to build last week, wood and cement working together. Yeah, that's what we've got to remember. last week. Wood and cement working together. Yeah. That's what we've got to remember. It's impressive. They only work together.

The cement is a foundation, nice foundation too. You can barely see it. But looks like shit. That's what I told the Mexican guy, I was trying to, he was trying to make it all nice and I was like, no, no, no man. You got to make it rustic. Yeah, like rustic, it's gotta fit.

I don't want this to look like a community pool. It's like nice with like cement steps because cement looks like shit. Yeah, well it's so beautiful. It looks like that it's just a structured hillside now. Beautiful. Yeah, thank you, thank you very much. Took a lot of broken spanks to make that possible.

A lot of surprise trips to the ATM and Home Depot and about 10,000 trips to Home Depot to make that happen. Oh, I thought of this when I was listening to that episode. It was a very marked moment when I did the first project around my house where I had all the tools and supplies in my garage and I didn't have to go to Home Depot. I mean, it was like a transcendental experience. What was it?

What was the project? I built a stair, a single stair. That's true, actually. The stair of destiny. It was a single stair. That's a fucking beautiful stair. Every staircase starts with a single stair. One stair.

Yeah. When are you gonna build the rest? You know, I only need one in this. You can imagine the rest. No, it's just, it was an intermediary step for my deck. Gotcha. So it used to be a little concrete thing and I made it a nice wood. I would have just built a ramp.

Yeah, well that's the one way to go. Yeah. I didn't have the tools for a ramp. I mean, definitely is getting a ramp for his birthday. He's getting a ramp. Yeah, like a that's the one way to go. Yeah, I didn't have the tools for a ramp. I mean, if he's getting a ramp, first birthday, he's getting a ramp. Yeah, like a fucking ramp, dude. So that's jump off of? Yeah, skateboard, bicycle.

That motherfucker's getting some weird presence, cool presence. A ramp from his parents. No, he's five, right? Yeah, he's gonna be five. So he learned to ride a bike. And I'm getting him a hundred bucks in Bitcoins. I'm gonna print that shit out.

Nice. Yeah, dude. So apparently you can do this. Paper wallet. Yeah. Like a Bitcoin can be just on a piece of paper. Yeah, Sean, just the number. It's like where you have a private key.

A public number, a public barcode, and then a secret one. And you cover the secret one up. And when you want to cash it in, you just pull it and then you scan it and then you have them. So who knows? It could be worth, it could be worth nothing someday. It could be worth anywhere above zero or perhaps zero. It's what an exciting present, right?

Yeah. Better than some stupid savings bond that helps the government, fuck the present, right? Yeah. Better than some stupid savings bond that helps the government, fuck the government, right? Right. Sign it. Then even if Bitcoin crashes, it'll still have your signature on it, so it'll be worth something.

It's worth less than zero. Here's the guy that got banned from the whole internet. And then Amazon, Amazon refused to lock his house anymore because he was such a piece of shit. And then he signed over the private key and now we can't even get the Bitcoin. Yeah.

And he fucked up so badly. His prints are remembered this image and it was hacked. Yeah, I have, yeah. Let's see here. You get a caller in one second. I got this email from a guy who wants to be known as the book bandit. The book bandit says,

Hey Dick, I got the scoop on Maddox's book sales. I can't tell you how I got the info, but let's just say I'm using a burner email because if anyone in the industry I work in even got a hint that I listen to your show, I'd be instantly fired. I'm setting it up pretty good. So let's get right to it. So let's get right to it. Faster quails is currently at 908 sold. This is a recent email. This is only the hardcover edition. I can't get you the e-book numbers

as those track differently, but you could expect parity. I'd estimate 500 to 1,000, leaning heavier towards 1,000. That puts him at roughly 2000 copies sold a little over a week out of the debut. That's bad for a once New York Times best seller. That 908 number includes all of the pre-orders. This book is only going to track down from here. I've seen debuts from brand new authors do better.

That's no joke. For a man who sold over 200,000 or so of his original novel, this is definitely not what you want to see as a publisher. Oh, no. Yeah, you know, the second book tanked too, because they changed the title and cover dramatically. I'll keep you updated as the weeks progress. Just never say my name on the podcast.

Good for you, Johnny Pemberton. Oh, whoops. Okay. That's not his real name. I know that's a name of a comedian. I know he doesn't work in the industry because he didn't mention the slow burn method. What?

Oh, man cuts his. I mean, it's a well-known industry method. Yeah, I don't know. Are you, it's a well-known industry method. Yeah. I don't know. Are you stretching your sales out on purpose? Yeah. Yeah. Now he's probably lying.

Yeah. Book band it. More like book liar. You throw a very specific number like 908 and all the things. Sounds like, oh, yeah, I totally believe it. I'll believe anything. Yeah. Cause I'm just a stupid gabber.

Yeah. You know. Can't even have a Twitter. No. That's how dumb I am right? Let me see if You're really smart you to just built your following on gab to begin with Yeah, you know, yeah, it's tough. Just kind of seeing the future and knowing that Twitter wouldn't work out I got some more songs. Let me play one more song and I'll get this we'll get this Get this dude in here. This one's from Save State Corrupted.

It's Smooth Jazz. By the way, the tickets for road rage Chicago are on sale for Patreonis today, which is Sunday, but they'll be on sale for everybody on Tuesday. That show is going to be fucked, man. Now that we've done a couple of them, I'm so looking forward to that show. Yeah, it's gonna be really, Randy's trying to get Mad Cux in his theory

as to fight somehow. Oh, God. Mad Cux is coming though. Good, he's gonna read the fucking letter. Amazing. People are saying that I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't waste the letter on that. I was wondering about that.

What, you, I didn't get it. What are they saving it for? Why did they want it saved? I think they don't want it shouted out by the chaos of previous shows. Well, I think it may encourage a little restraint. Look, if there's any, any, any of these some self-fully said behavior, that's it.

Yeah. I'm gonna burn the letter. And from everybody, if anybody really wants it. That's awesome. We're getting security though burn the letter. And from everybody. Anybody ruin it. That's awesome. We're getting security though. No, I think things are gonna be different the third time around. I'm getting a,

I wanna get a, Things are gonna be different. With a vengeance. With a vengeance. I'm gonna get a violin player and maybe a cellist too. Oh yeah. To accompany him.

Yeah. To set the mood properly. Classy. I think that'll help. Yeah, help everybody come to fuck down I haven't played Canon indeed. No, they're gonna hold nitanics. Oh Okay, here we go It's some jazz It's some jazz. Ritty. Ritty.

That's what makes it jazz. Yeah, not jazz. It's very dense, like a nocturn. Yeah, jazz is fucked. Because you can't fuck two jazz. But you can always fuck two jazz. It's a big time. Sometimes you try to bang to jazz and some dudes just go and

and you're like hammering at the same speed and it seems like a looney tunes, comical odd time signatures, sometimes. Yeah, sometimes Alexa will fuck you like that. She'll put on some stupid song. Or like a tuba will come out of jazz tuba. Bwah, blah, blah. And a big old, a big old quifal happen.

Oh. Who are you? Oh, Jesus. Not with jazz though. No, that's the difference. Never, it's never gonna, it's never gonna do you wrong when you're trying to get down with music. Gotta get myself a tattoo.

Jesus. Yeah, that's hot. Yeah. Yeah, lots's hot. Yeah, lots of yeah, you can never go wrong with it. Yeah, while you're boning Yeah, that's true. Most of they'll be able to calculate this someday with all the Alexis With all the Alexis floating around. Oh, yeah, what the dirty talk is nice. Yes The nice jazz you got there. It's the nice chest, you got there, he says. Bezos, Bezos is up in his evil,

this cute little dead chair. Layer in his, in his dooms. What was the, what was the Legion of Doom? What did they have? Like a submarine, like that stupid beetle submarine, that dome, that's where Jeff Bezos is. He has a office at the top, one was with milk. Yeah, and he gets all that, he gets all the Alexa data That's where Jeff Bezos is. He is just... He is just... He is just... Yeah.

And he gets all the... He gets all the Alexa data and he compiles what people are saying while they're banging. Yeah. And it's just like 99% yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just have 1% no.

To... Harvey Wiener stayed in his bag. And 1% oh shit. Oh shit! Stop! Stop! Interstate is bad and one percent ocean Stop slow down What's your go-to for dirty talk? You like talking during sex? I know I duct tape everybody's mouth shut. Not everybody's, totally beautiful. In your own too. And your home?

Ch... Well, especially mine. Shan, I can't get out of a conversation. You know that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Duck taping his ginger. Well, you know, actually that reminds me of the way you're taking my shirt off reminds me of Rinds me the sun. Check out your second Beach Boys album. Oh Heavy breathing What about you coach you dirty talker? No, it's a lot of like thank yous. Talking about it there.

Thank you. Oh, thank you. I really appreciate it. Much obliged. Much obliged. Much obliged. Oh, my lady. Yeah.

Oh, wonderment. It smells like your. Yeah, that's cool. Alright, let me get Ian in here. Ian, how are you my man? Hey, I'm good. I'm good. How are you? Pretty good. What do you? What did you think of our jazz? I was laughing my ass. I was like, this is like ASMR. Yes, it's ASMR ASMR for men. Yeah, yeah. I love it. You should patent it patent gross sexual man sounds that we can listen to each other. Are you a dirty talker? You want to join in on the dirty talk conversation? I am a dirty talker. Yes, I am your journalist. I am a journalist. Yeah, so I imagine people tell me Yeah, so I imagine you get the best crack of the finest dirty talk in your circles. Absolutely. Oh yeah, I mean, everybody's DMing me, sliding into my DMs like male feminist allies, you know.

Oh yeah, I know all about those scumbags. So you're, let me see them. I'm gonna read your Twitter bio. That's why I should start doing this. I'm so sure you'd introduce people. Journalist writes about entertainment, video games, politics and culture for the daily collar, also seen on Heat Street, the sun, the escapist magazine.

I don't know, man, I've seen your tweets and I get sent, coach sends me your tweets all the time and I just like them. Um, thank you. Yeah, you're one on your, on your pinned on Twitter right now. I'm looking at your Twitter, by the way, with a big old red, you're currently suspended. Um, I'm in the Twitter go log. It says being sucks. Yeah, it does fucking suck.

Cause I meet guys like you on Twitter. Now I can't. Yeah, that blows. What did you do? Did you piss off an SJW? I told someone to eat a cinder block. I guess. I invited them to eat a cinder block.

They didn't have to. Yeah, it's up to eat a cinder block. They didn't have to. Yeah, it's up to them, right? Yeah. Anyway, your first, your pin tweet here is being on the right side of history is equal to contempt of the present

and romanticizing a past that has not yet been written. Yeah. It's kind of potential sounding, but it's true. I mean, what's, what makes sounding, but it's true. I mean, what makes you, I'll just start with what makes you rage about the world today as a journalist. I think you were involved in gamer gay too.

So yeah. You kind of had a fri- I used to be on the other side, used to be an SJW. The biggest thing that makes me rage is probably the hypocrisy and the cognitive dissonance and the intellectual dishonesty. All these three things combined, you know, produces what is called the narrative. Basically people promote what is not true, just a bunch of bullshit. And they say, oh yeah, this is a truth, you know, this is the world as it is.

And here's what we need to do to change it. But really, it's just, it's just rank of prophecy. And they just want to remake the world as it is. And here's what we need to do to change it. But really, it's just, it's just rank hypocrisy and they just wanna remake the world in their image. What do you think is, what do you mean hypocrisy? Like what do you, you said that twice. What do you think is the most? Well, you know, like male feminist allies, you know, they're all about, oh, men are evil, men are disgusting,

men are pigs and turns out that they're the, they're the rapists, they're to sexual harassers and so on. That's absolutely true. Yeah, man. It does seem to be a lot of projection in that shit. Like I remember growing up every movie was about how the jocks are these total fucking scumbag rapists, but like I became a jock when I grew up and Not any of those things like I don't do anything other than maintain a rapist. Yeah, that's all, people did that on my behalf, John. I don't maintain my own rapist. But it just seemed like, it was seemed like there was much,

there was a much more healthy sexual dynamic among the people that had been vilified like my whole life. Yeah, yeah, surprisingly. You respect women, like actually respect and not like, I respect women, you know, not that kind of respect. Like PewDiePie is making fun of it the whole time. Yeah. And it's great.

I love it. I love the fact that he makes fun of it. He calls it out. So you used to be, like the jock of our generation, right? Yeah, he really fucking is. He really is. That's interesting. PewDiePie is a big old jock.

It's gonna be interesting to see what happens with Pewdiepie if he keeps getting hammered. Well, if he keeps up this wrong thing, and he's so big, he's gonna be joining me on Gab. I don't know, man. Yeah. He's a red-polling people. Yeah, big league, a whole new generation.

Yeah, that is funny. 60 million people. Yeah, on the act whole new generation. Oh, yeah, it is funny. Yeah, 60 million people. Yeah, it filled on On the active, you know, like these are like I think he lost like 500,000 subs or something when the whole PewDiePie's racist thing came out, but And it just kept growing right more people followed him so he's not going anywhere. He might be Teflon He because recently he's not famous. recently, he dropped the end bomb. On a blind stream. And he got past that. Yeah, he did.

It was, you know, it was a nothing burger. Nothing. Joe, it's a put it. Yeah. So what happened to you, man? Like you used to be, you used to be SJWs, you say used to be what? Like ultra leftleft wing and...

Oh yeah, I mean, I was one of them. And the reason for that is pretty simple. Like, back in 2010, everybody in game journalism was getting into it. If you wanted to be part of the crowd, you had to be an SJW. So... Oh, no shit. Yeah, no shit. Everybody leans that way.

I mean, even today, look at all their reviews for Wolf and Stein too. That's a great game, you know, it's got some if he politics, whatever, you know, but all of knowledge, like a, what are the if he politics of Wolf and Stein too? It's got a Communist character and some people are a bit pissed off by that

because they think it's a call out to the Antifa. I don't think it is personally, because it's like the Communist character's not really, it's a it's a call out to the Antifa. I don't think it is personally because it's like the communist characters not really He's not in Tifa. He's like a 1960s Bohemian type professor, you know, you know the kind that existed in 1960s. Yeah, like the kind that it's really existed One of those he's one of those goddamn characters that actually is real Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, it's not like it's promoting his views. And maybe the marketing is a bit pro-Antifa,

but that's the marketing. The game itself is pretty much free of that. It's just 1930s, 1960s style racism. It's got all of that. And I mean, it's to be expected. The game is set in 1961. So it would be like getting mad and mad men because it depicts racism

That's retarded, you know, you can't whitewash history and say oh racist never existed KKK never existed That's yeah, it's stupid. It's just as bad as when you know the SJW's want a whitewash everything their way So I mean apart from that, you know if you look at the reviews You'll see that many of the reviewers are talking about the game's politics. They're seeing SGW messaging within the game where there really isn't, and they're championing it. It's interesting about the way you're talking about this wolf and Stein, something as stupid as wolf and Stein too. But it will legitimately be fighting words. Yeah, right. It's going to be the Smash Brothers of this show. It is legitimately where people

get some exposure to his like kids get some exposure to history. Yeah. You know, like I remember I remember more about Wolfenstein as a kid than I do about history class. Yeah. Just because it's fun. I mean, I learned American history, at least the basics of it, from playing colonization, sit my as colonization. Yeah. That game was so great. And yeah, it's not historically accurate,

but it gave me a basis from which I could understand American colonization. And I mean, nowadays, if you try to release a game like that, people would say it's problematic. Oh, it's glorifying colonization Who are these people like what I am so fucking tired of journalists like I don't know what just the word itself makes me start Tweak. Oh, yeah, I'm twitching out what the fuck they're on with them They're like not even journalists anymore. They're ideologues, right?

They're just pushing their agenda even in in their fucking reviews of Wolfenstein 2, they're complaining that the game is too patriotic, that it's got too many jingoistic pro-American messages. I'm looking at that. I'm thinking, what the fuck are you talking about? This game is set in the US that's being invaded by the Nazis. Of course, they're going to be patriotic. They're fighting back for it. We got to know the wall to keep these Nazis out. Well, you know, wall's not going to work. Don't you, don't you know anything about walls is that it's not going to work?

I just, something just hit me. Is there any repercussions for having a dumb hot take? There really isn't. It's a good question. There needs to be fucking repercussions. You can say anything. You know, that's racist. What's the, oh yeah.

Man. It bothers me that the repercussions only go on the way. If you're like on the right wing and you say something really, really dumb, like really racist. Like, eat a sin to block. Yeah. And then you get banned, right? Or you lose your job.

You'll be like justine sacco for making a joke about South Africa and how she's going to get AIDS or something, right? That was like 2012. Sam diddle my, I know, diddle my fiddle, fiddle, mate, you know, wrote about it. And he got her fired as a result of that. I remember that. They're not, they're not being able to joke thing. Really, it's personal to me just because like, I care about that more than like politics,

you know? Me too. Like a harp on libertarian bullshit, but we're going, we'll be so, we'll be entirely socialist one day. When robots are stocking the shelves at Walmart and life is literally the Jetsons, where your skinny ass has never lifted in your life,

let alone doing, like manual labor will not exist anymore You will show up for 20 hours a week and press a single button and that fucking smart ass Rudy Computer will do everything like you'll just be a figurehead and all and there will be it will be free money That's it. I know we're going there like all these all these political debates They're gonna mean fucking nothing in 30 years That's just it'll just all be robots and free money all day every day Yeah, and all be it's You know the only worry is that we'll have scarcity problems and to alleviate that we'll just say hey, let's go to Mars or hey

Let's go to I.O. You to Iowa. You know, let's travel. We're already mining asteroids. Like my buddy, my friend, Rocky Mann, who I need to pick a new name for, I guess, because Trump ripped mine off. No, that's right. He's like already working on the telemetrics for mining asteroids or some fucking...

Is this the shirt guy? The guy who landed on the asteroid? No, no, no. Is it, that's a different guy. My friend's much more offensive than that. Um, yeah, but the comedy shit, I actually care about that, because it's like, I do care about that too. Yeah, more important.

It's like the only thing we can bond over together is just laughing at shit. Like a guy getting kicked in the nuts, everybody laughs at that, like a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Everybody laughs at that. They're taking it away. I love, I think a great, modern example that is, Louis K. his abortion bit. You see that?

That's one of the most powerful five minutes on abortion that's ever happened. It's like having a conversation, no one could ever have in any other context, other than comedy. Dude, I think he's important. He's sending, he sends creepy messages. Is he next to fall?

Dude, I'm her. Oh, yeah, I'm her. I'm talking stories about that. I dated a girl who got a creepy message from him and she like held it. This was like a badge of honor. She would show it to people. Yeah.

Yeah, I've heard some, I've heard some fuck stories about him from UCB girls. I've heard a lot of that too. It's mostly DMs, it's not like actual, you know, rate, but I did hear one about how we jerked off in front of somebody. Yeah, I've heard that for a long time. I mean, he should just like find, there needs to be like a guy's, like a support group for men where they could jerk off in front of each other. They need to get this circle. Jerk. to get this out of the circle gym. Circle jerk. CJ, CJ, a circle jerkers anonymous.

He's got a bunch of fat Hollywood executives wearing bags of hot hands, getting off on being watched. And they all pretend to be chicks. You know, they should be a gigantic pot of plants in the middle, like a shrub, a shrubbery. Yeah.

All right anyway, I interrupted your story. What made you change from being a SJW team? Um, you know, like I said, you know, there was three things. It was the hypocrisy. It was the intellectual dishonesty. It was the cognitive dissonance, you know, all of that combined. It became like an ideological echo chamber and I felt like, I felt stifled because I would want to make a joke.

I would want to joke about rape, okay? And not in the context where I'm making fun of the victim, but I'm making fun of the fucking rapist. And they would get even mad at that. Like, oh, that's not allowed. You're making a joke about rape. It's like such a knee-jerk reaction to everything, right? You can't see something because they say you can't see it. They don't give you a reason why you can't see it.

They don't tell you, they don't explain their rationale of why it's wrong to make fun of rapists. You just say, oh, this is wrong and we have to be offended by it. So it's funny that you use rapes specifically. I was, I was doing this, making this cartoon at one point a long time ago. And the, the director of the cartoon is a really cool guy, but he was very, very liberal. And he posted something on Facebook. How's never okay to make rape jokes, never okay. And like that later that night, I was taking a tour of their studio and there was like a dark alley. And he made a joke of their studio and there was like a dark alley.

And he made a joke of like, oh yeah, you want to stay away from this place and I, because somebody's going to jump out and I was like, wait a minute. What? I thought this, I thought that shit was, yeah. I got to get out. I thought that you did where you just on today nailing people for doing this shit. Like just fucking relax, man. I've seen that exact type of thing play out a couple of times.

Yeah. Well, that's the virtue signaling aspect. Yeah. Absolutely. Dude, these are people who on Twitter, they say, don't use the word faggot. Don't use slurs. And yet, when I played Destiny with them, they would be screaming the word faggot. Yeah.

So we're going to cut your entire interview except for that word twice. Doesn't matter. I don't know. I just, hey, how you doing your entire interview except for that word twice Just hey, how you doing today then he just says it twice and then it's like oh That's the whole interview. Yeah, just throw that in everywhere Very aggressive Put in real talk and then they just drop that in everywhere. All right, it's fucking people. These fucking people, man. And it's like, they don't let you have a sense of humor.

So you feel stifled. Or at least I felt really stifled. I wanted to joke. They didn't let me. But that wasn't why I left. It was the, you know, the whole ideological echo chamber. If you had a different opinion, if I had a different opinion, they would use that as an excuse to ostracize me, you know. This is a thing that happens to every single issue, doubly. They're always watching their backs, making sure

that they're not the next person to be ostracized. I was like a nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare, it's like having the sort of democracies over your head and every single one of them has it. Like even Anita Sarkeesian, Zoe Quinn, each one of them has a sort of democlease hanging over their head. Like Zoe Quinn is in trouble with the transgender community. They are accusing her of using them for publicity. Anita Sarkeesian is in trouble with the sex workers because he doesn't like prostitutes. You know, it's every little thing that's used as an excuse to virtue slip, when we say, hey, I'm better than you. I should get your fame. I should be more powerful than you. What if something life? That would be terrible. Work in yourself.

All right, man. Well, thanks for calling in. Yeah, you know, no problem. I know I'm happy every time I get sent one of your tweets. Let Twitter know about me, I guess. I was sincere. Yeah, I mean, you're just a gab, right? What's your name there? Dick Masterson, gab.ai slash Dick Masterson.

Yeah, gab is good. Gab is good. I support gab. You know, you should come on Yeah, gab is good. Gab is good. I support gab. You know, you should come on more people use it. I do use it. I'm a stil grader. All right. All right.

I will still, still gray. Yep, there we go. All right, buddy, thanks for calling in. No problem. Can I be your, have a good one. You too. Let me see here. Adam Nash is calling in too.

Was that right? Yeah, but I don't know where he is. Oh, that's here. Okay. Adam Nash is on. I bet. Yeah. Adam says he was on Facebook.

He said he's not going to listen to the show anymore. Really? We'll call in and tell us why. Yeah. Adam, because he's hanging in the studio behind you, Sean. He is. Yeah. I am. I'm watching your every move. Yeah. So what's going on, Adam? What did we do to piss you off? You didn't piss me off. It got boring. Okay. Well, so here's the reason why that it's what makes me a rage. Whenever I listen to the show, I can't go more than five or 10 minutes because it sounds like I'm at Thanksgiving.

And why do I want to go and listen to all the things giving of what my family does and just chatting about things I don't care about when I can just record my family whenever I have a get together? I guess that's true. Why does it sound like Thanksgiving to you? It sounds like any get together, but for Thanksgiving just drinks most true to me because it just is like a shit show

Everyone else just talking and not really getting anything done or really advancing any kind of point It's just hey this thing pissed me off at work and that's about it and there's nothing really pulling me into the show anymore All right, well, sorry. We couldn't make it work for you. Hey All right, well, sorry we couldn't make it work for you. Hey, hey, you don't have to worry about that. There's always time to change things and we can always make it better. So we have to make the Dixiel great again. Okay, how you want to do that? We, how do we want to do that?

We want to do that with a lot more guests. I mean, you need more people calling in that are interesting and have things to say. You don't want people just commenting on the same things being a dead horse. Like, this guy you just said on, he's talking about SJWs and everything. That's been done a thousand times. You can go on YouTube and see that anywhere. You need something new and fresh,

something that we haven't done before. Okay. Did you hear that jazz number? Yeah, what about that jazz? That was pretty hard. That was fresh. I didn't hear that. Oh, all right. What? That was pretty hot. That was fresh. I didn't hear that. Oh.

All right. But I do have something for you guys to play and I have something for you guys to learn a little bit more about how meme magic works. Okay. Oh, great. More meme magic. All right. Me magic.

So what we're doing here is, are you familiar with how everything works in the Facebook group and how we respond to each other about 90% of the time? No. So, in the Facebook group, we have developed our own special lingo, which is much different than normal speak. Okay. So, that's a few percent of the time. Sounds like you're representing them well, by the way. I am.

It's also a lingo that I have myself started a few months ago, and it's something that we really want to educate the entire populace on, especially Reddit, since they're very intellectuals. They need to know and be on the cutting edge of everything going on in the new beach techniques. Okay. Let's hear it. So whenever we're talking, we have different, you can post five paragraphs,

you can post three sentences, you can just post anything you want, but there are four responses, you will get 90% of the time. Do you know what those would be? Nope. Let's. They would be Y and FK.

Exactly like the YMCA, you can just sing along line FK K instead except nothing to do with those letters Okay So why would be yes? It'd be more of an affirmative one and would be no So you don't really want it if had have you heard the call duty meme where it says press up the pay respects Yeah, I've heard of that Yeah, if is where he pay respects to something or your more expressing condolences.

And then we okay, just say okay. Okay. Okay, so you guys understand what each of these mean. We understand the abbreviations. Yeah, I think Sean's gonna kill himself. If you tell us any more about these Y and K, F's. Well, I don't have any money to donate to an anti suicide fund for Sean so we can get therapy.

So we'll just get started. Would that get you to keep watching the show? Like, was that something new and different? I mean, that's kind of... I don't know if it'd be so different since we've had so many people threaten to kill themselves in the Facebook group. It's just, you might want to livestream if you do it. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, you're watching, right? Yeah. It's just for you.

I use, I used to be a patron and watch every show. Now I don't contribute to the Patreon. So I'm one of those on watch plebs. Don't get to see your beautiful face. I noticed that. I was like, God, damn it. I was like, Adam, I saw the bottom line and I was like, Adam Nash. He dropped it. I saw it go down. Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that, but it's what I got to do. I've been in two crowd crashes last year. So when you don't work for six out of nine months, you don't have any money to give away to a show that's making 20k a month.

Yeah. That's true. So who do we have here in studios, just you that can shine or do we have anyone? Coaches here too. All right, coach is going to be playing with us. Oh, you've got something to play. Yes. So you know, I mentioned why enough K.

We're going to test how good you are at responding to things in the Facebook group using these four letters and how well you will fit in. I want everyone to be playing along at home too. Okay. 10 questions here. All right, let's go. Let's start the questions. This way too fucking long, the intro to this game.

All right, all right. Yeah, let's get going. So I'm going to be saying this phrase something that we got from the Facebook group. I want to hear what the correct response to be from you, Sean and Coach, and we'll get going. Okay. So the first statement here we have here is,

ball people are less attractive than people with hair. Is it why an F or K? And F. F? I forget what they said for it. That answer is clearly K. Yeah. K.

Sorry, the answer was F. Coach has coached them with point here. Okay. So I have an F. Pay the specs to that. All of aed the one with point here. Okay. So I am paying respect to that. All of a sudden, I feel good about this bit. Because these ball people are so butt fuck ugly, they don't get anything. They're so less attractive, you have to feel back room, you have to respect them, and express your condolences for this situation.

All right, I got time for one more. Respect in the face of this question. I've got time for one more. Respect in the face of this question. More group of questions. Two things I've heard together. Let's hear another one. All right. So the next one is going to be my dog is smarter than my kid. Should I send him to college instead? Why an FK? Okay. Does F stand for

favorite specs? W. No, no, it's N. You can't send a fucking dog to call it what you were tarnished. That's my answer. All right. Who's who's the winner? So you have a tie between Sean and coach. So let's go with the tie. Let's go. We have. Okay. So it's Dixing. Oh shit. Sean, delete the entire episode. We want to hear Sean's answer in Dix answer. Go away. Okay. Okay. F, I say. Okay, which is it? Obviously, K. Which is closer?

So Sean's answer will be K in Dick's answer will be F. Coaches. No, mine. I didn't say F. What's the answer? We'll figure it out. No, no, no, no, let's get this straight out. There's two answers.

You have the answer for Dick. You have the answer for Sean. Dick would have said F and Sean would have said K Okay, I want to K myself We might not have the dick show next week because it sounds like a few of you guys are gonna be can come any suicide after getting a little bit of a Dose Facebook. I can't wait to see what Facebook says about this. I'll see you later, Adam. See you later. Thanks for all the listening you did so far.

Oh, you're welcome. All right, have a good one. Yep. No, he's trying. Spice ended up. Yeah. Harder than it looks, I guess. Yeah.

All right. Oh, man. You a sweaty beast. Fucking tired, yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna do one, I'm gonna read one thing. And then we'll wrap up the show. We need some hair of the dog.

If you know what I'm talking about. Shit, IRC sent in this amazing gift box, dude. I got a college educated dog. Yeah, it's a, whoa. Let me see here. Look at this. This is for my birthday, I think. It is.

It's for my birthday, by the way. It's today. Oh, shit. Dear Dick, once again, members from the Dick Chat IRC channel collaborated to get you a Berthay present. Together, we picked out several things we thought you'd enjoy. Thanks for bringing us another year of hot, hot content. Here's to many more.

And seriously, ASL Woods, Chris Strand, Vista, Sam Glaives, LeCembro, Ty Wat, Norseman, Jameeline Hughes, Riquit, Rebbediah Curb, Gucci one-niner, Death Anchor, Dice, three and six, 88 attacks up. And if everyone else from the Dic chat, we threw in a belated birthday present for Sean too. Guess which one it is. I think it's just Dice.

So we got some, oh is it Dice? I think he's using a three as an E. So we got some fucking cigars here. I don't know anything about cigars, but I know six eighty eight does There's a lighter too is frightening one This shit out. It's a cigar lighter smoke anything like that Yeah

Like a jet engine shot cigar lighter very nice. Oh, man and this Dick show spoons souvenir spoons look at this boys souvenir spoons with the logo on the handle amazing awesome. Thanks guys. Let's see some oh my gosh That's too funny some normal some everyday shorts that I could wear that are a man. I want to try those on they are see through So you know. Oh, I've been looking for a point. Oh, Sean here, I think this is for you. It's Hugo Boss.

Hugo Boss V-neck shirts. Sweet! That's a nice, you can upgrade, man. No shit. It's a nice shirt. Thank you. Phenomenal. Bottle of wild turkey.

Ooh, single barrel. I don't know what this one is. This looks better than rare breed. Bottleed on 3.36. Those are awesome. Kentucky spirit never had it. I want to pair those in my size. Love wild turkey.

And finally, a rage, a step-by-step guy to overcoming explosive anger, written by Ronald T. Potter, Efron, author of Angry All the Time, self-help book. It's working already. I don't even need to read it, I'm already cured. Yeah, cool. So thanks guys in the IRC, the most toxic chat room

on free node. It's awesome. It's gonna wrap it up. Go get tickets for road rage, Chicago. Coach's gonna be there. It's gonna wrap it up. Go get tickets for road rage Chicago. Coach's gonna be there. Oh my God. Dude, that's gonna be a drag. It's gonna be after a fucking week in Vegas too.

Yeah, well, you'll be tuned up. You'll be nice, you'll be nice and ready. Uh, you'll be immune to making an ass out of yourself for drinking too much. We'll see. Maybe I'll get up on stage. This song is from Siores. Yep.

Except. See you next Tuesday. Very precious. Very precious. Of our time. Of our time. Racism in racially charged things, there's no more line.

A crime and like being a piece of shit, there's no line. The law that we have didn't start out as clean as we have it now, it started out with that guy fucked with me, stoned it. There wasn't a grad there wasn't a great nation It was like in the Bible If your slave is lazy you could beat him and if he survives You're in trouble, but if he's dead it's alright That was the first version of the law

I sound like a homeless schizophrenic These laws are fucked Going from topic to topic, not making any sense Similar like in this hive mind version of Justice Online Makes no sense Social media is basically... This is not cut either We're in the Stone Age again

Yeah, it's like a more refined version of that That can't say this to women This is a dick move and this isn't But then nobody's like, nobody's sat down and really codified it So everybody just don't all the time. Yes, like you did something Somebody's got to sit down and write a new set of laws Topic to Topic. No connection.

It's a new stone age. It's a new stone age. What's the difference between me and a homeless man? Patreon. Yeah, 20 grand. Nate Potts says, hey, dick, I was the pissing guy at LA Road Ridge. Sorry that your magnum opus was ruined by a fat Mexican.

All I can say is, I thought you really... That's the hell the door. All I can say is, I thought you really wanted us to piss in front of the audience. It was probably the combination of alcohol and you yelling, you have to be willing to do anything that made me jump to this conclusion. Well, yeah. Yeah. Clearly, the sub, clearly what was unsaid was you have to piss on the audience.

But I was no joke about to piss all over the audience. So, really, that fat Mexican guy may have saved the audience from getting pissed on. Although they probably would have just thought it was papsed. Thanks for putting on a great show regardless, Nate. So, alternate timelines, things get even weird. Turns out that guy was the hero. Yeah, yeah Everybody owes him unlikely unlikely. I never thought that that could have gone worse That guy ended up saving the day amazing

All right, let's place in boys males Holy fuck all right. This is Ryan from Michigan. I just wanted to fucking rage about people who cannot do anything without this fucking significant other. Oh, hey, you want to help your partner? Well, I have to see what she's doing after that. Okay, you can come to that's fine. Well, I don't want to. Okay. Well, then he's gonna have to. Or like, hey, Brody, you want to come hang on? Well, I got to see you know what Andrew is doing okay i understand check in with like with your significant other but like oh she doesn't feel like going so i think i'm gonna stay home and you know she kind of said like we do have to get up early in the morning and like i think she's kind of right to fucking do something without the other person you can be your own person you're fucking in the dog Jesus Christ all right anyway it's the fucking dog thanks for the show guys. It is nice to have a significant other blame stuff on though. You don't want to go somewhere?

Yeah, it's the unwritten code. My bitch, my bitch, my foe over here, says I can't help you move. And I can't pick you up at the airport either ever. She hates that. Thinks I'm at the strip club. It was hard. It was hard getting used to you having a wife. Yeah.

She's like, she books, she books coach up like the bell of the ball. Yeah. You know, all around town. Yeah. It's hard to get, I have to schedule in weeks in advance. You got a 10 30 AM self-macing with bear spray schedule.

And then he's gonna build a step for the rest of the day. Oh, motherfucker, this step. I can jump on that step. And one of an inch. How high was the original platform that you needed one step? I don't remember, but it's high enough where you don't wanna take that big step. Well, then there's a concrete little baby step there.

No. So I just built the wood around the concrete. Let's see here. Dick, you know what makes me a rage? Shitty inventions. Shitty inventions have become popular, but they're stupid. For instance, I saw an ad for this like juicer that doesn't use fruit for you. No, you got to buy like, it's like a carrot,

but for orange juice or whatever. You buy the little juice pouches and you stick it into the juicer and it squintes the juice from the pouch forward. Have you seen that? I mean, never mind buying juicer pouches and squinting it out with your hands. It's already failed.

Buying a gallon of orange juice for three bucks. Now, this thing's like 200 bucks. And even more trochess, it requires Wi-Fi to use. I think this is a good idea. You can go with it. Yeah, you get your DRM or juice. It's super-falsh it. I didn't think something like that would even be a thing.

No, who the fuck would buy that? But I'm seeing it like it a few establishments now. And it's stupid. It's so dumb. I hate the complicated, like, over-engineering into just the simple things that you don't need. Yeah. Even like a little spring toilet paper holder thing. I mean, who the fucking vented that? Why not just have like a bar that sticks out? You just slide it on?

Spotted off? It's easy. But no, it somehow that became popular in every fucking hell. That's a good invention. The room has that stupid, stupid bullshit. Who invented slicing the bread before you get it? That's a good invention. I guess we invented slicing the bread before you get it. That's bullshit. You should just cram the meat in the loaf and eat it without slicing the bread. It is much easier.

Easier. Why do we need wheels? Just get a bunch of rocks and slide your car and slide your platform around on that. You fucking nerd. That's ultimate time dad, just shit talking, everything. Oh, man.

What do you need a talk to just what? You need to talk to your friends so bad. Why don't you guys just get married. Alexander Graham queer. You talk to your fucking assistant so bad in the other room. You embarrass me. You talk to your fucking assistant so bad in the other room. You embarrass me. You know?

What is this? Louis Pastore? What? What did a disease has ever do to you? I don't get involved in petty arguments. Little germs. I like eating. Little germs. I like eating meat with germs. It's more meat.

Most everything is germs. What do you want to kill anthrax? Was that what Louis Pesto or did first? A hip and mouth disease or something like that? I don't know. You got any more of these? No. Juicero.

Do you know AVE, the YouTube channel that do, the Canadian guy? He's hilarious, by the way. He takes apart machines, that's one of the things he does. Okay. And he took apart the Juicero thing. The overengineering is incredible. He was just, his jaw hit the floor

with the like fucking CNCed years, 2000 pounds per square inch. I mean, you know, it's like our parents look stupid because of their infomercials. Like, oh, have you ever tried holding a bowl of popcorn? Oh! But that's a real, like that's kind of useful, you know? Like a people do spill popcorn.

It would be maybe there is some kind of popcorn stabilization thing that you could buy. But the next, but this generations version of info, commercials are going to be the most up their own ass hipster, like eco friendly, Apple store bullshit inventions, like a juice squeezing machine for $300. Like in 20 years, that's going to be the fucking joke. Look at how stupid our parents are that they all love a juiceros. Sustainable. They're too goddamn worthless to squeeze juice out of a packet. It's much more embarrassing.

Have you seen those kid cups? I'm Jessica Alba and these are honest diapers. Our diapers are full of honesty. Get fucked. I can say that now that I'm Jessica Alba and these are honest diapers. Our diapers are full of honesty. Get fucked. I could say that now that I'm in. It should say like, your kid's ugly. Should have like slogans on it or something. Just honest slogans.

Ha ha ha ha. That should be honest, confident, right? Honest. Bet you regret this every day. Right. Have you seen those kid cups that are like gyroscopes? And they don't fall over? Yeah.

Do they work? They're incredible. Huh. So, yeah. What do you mean kid cups? I need that. They're like little gyroscopes and you need that on my shoes. A friend, their kid, they put like Oreos or little cheerios in them, right?

Yeah. And the kid threw the thing and it just rolled around and it stayed up. Coach's first response was Oreos. Then he changed it to Cheerio. Yeah, it was something O's. You know, what'd you give a kid Oreo? Exactly. I mean Cheerio. I don't give, I wouldn't give a kid Oreo. Yeah. wife comes home. Kid Oreos all over the room. Yeah. Don't worry. I hate the frosting. I hate all the frosting out. Don't worry about it. I know it's supposed to be feed on one of those O's things This is dice again. I got the worst rage of moral which is a prawn which I've been here I don't know how you guys is it It's a very, very fine lady with a fuck ugly face.

Goddamn, never has a live fucking moment. A prom? This is what they call prons? Yeah, prons. That fucking accent. That accent is a national treasure. Is that real? Yeah.

He's saying that I'm a cut-bled song. And that was trying to not have an accent when that when dice sing that song. That was how he normally. I'm a good goal. That was great. Oh, runs, huh, runs.

That's what I want you to say. Butterface. It's called Butterface. Yeah. Yeah. It is like a cruel joke. Fuck it, man. You could learn to love any face.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't learn to love any face. Yeah, how you like. You can't learn to love a body though, but you could learn to love any face. Sean, this is something you see. It's just a kind of a mess. There's knobs and holes and shit everywhere, hair growing out in weird places. Cogically fighting against it.

Yeah, weird, weird mucusy flesh and parts and not in other parts, bones. You can see the bones through the skin. It's disgusting. Faces are disgusting. There's no such thing as a good looking face. What's a face that we're done for? That's the joke.

Yeah. You know, you can get used to a bad face. Don't yawn while I'm talking to you about, I'm gonna yawn this whole time. to you about about a boredom shit. Yeah, uh, two more, two more. I'm fucking hungry, man. Me too, I'm sorry. This next voicemail bit of a funny accent.

Hey, it's your boy, the janitor. What's up? I got a little mini-rate. The janitor. Also, sorry for calling so much. I'm a little drunk. Wow, Kirti is alright. When you fucking try to swallow some vitamins, a pill, whatever it may be, whatever you take

and the capsule, you know, and you just drink, you're like, ah, I can, I can wait a little bit of water, it'll be alright. And then I guess fucking caught in your throat. And your fucking, this weird fucking limbo between like, do I feel like I'm gonna puke? Do I feel like kind of full even? Like what the fuck is this feeling? It's awful, and I fucking hate it.

I missed one sentence now. Now I'm lost. You're too busy looking at my sexy underpants. I love it, shorts. See ya. Talking about swallowing pills. Oh, yeah. Not doing it correctly.

It's a good rate. That's an infomercial for the future. That's our generation is gonna have some kind of a stupid pill swallowing product. That's just like a big dick that shoves the pill down. It's like it's gonna be 10 times weirder than the shake weight. It's gonna have like pre-pill lubricating gel that you put on your lips.

Pfft. Right? I don't know. I don't know. These are the issues of, look, what do you invent when you have no problems? Our parents are inventing anti popcorn spilling devices. Anti-Oriocooki spilling devices.

That thing was fucking amazing. This guy, this is a potential consumer for a device that makes pill swallowing flawless. Every time. The dick masters, the throat prober, the swallow cyst, swallow cyst. You put the pill in the pill receptacle in the top, which is shaped like a dick hole.

And then you begin the pill lubricating gel, the bioedible pimp pill. Bill Cosby cannot come into possession of one of those. Did you see that chick accused, Neil the grass Tyson of knocking her out? Yeah. Knock him, oh, like, give her a cocktail. Yeah, oh boy. And she woke up. Yeah. Yeah. Spaced out. Yeah, knocking. Oh, like you're giving her a cocktail. Yeah. Oh,

she woke up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Spaced out. Oh, kneeled it. Come on, Adam Nash with jokes like that. Yeah. That fucking game. Cutting it. Can't wait to see how that's received. Um, sure, everyone will be respectful with their, with their W's and F's and K's and whatnot. No W, special lubricating swallowing gel that activates your throat muscles for you. Mm-hmm.

So it can't get caught. That's all I'm saying. It like works it down like a snake swallowing its prey. You put the thing in your throat and then it electrifies your throat muscles to make them swallow on their own. So you don't have to do it. Who's got, Sean, who's got time for all this swallowing every day? Yeah. Let the throat arises, pill swallowing machine.

Do this, do your swallowing for you. I think it's going to look like the alien face hugger. It's just, you're face. Yeah, special Halloween. If you open your mouth and then president, fucking promosus shoots out, shoots into your fucking stomach. Pretty good call.

Little low energy today, Sean. Like, I'm tired, man. Low energy jab This one's Fuck Oh, but I was walking around with my family. They they stop playing it. I thought it was gonna be a good joke and Really I really fucked the phone up didn't I yeah, all right Go fuck yourself and I mean I guess you two can

Okay, thanks. He was walking by a marching band and he was gonna call in as serious And he got his phone out and got it going. No marches. And then the marching man stopped playing. You can hear it. Wait, listen, listen. Hey, Dick. It's a new stereo. Funny. Um, yeah, I just wanted to, uh, that's funny.

Obviously. Oh, that's funny. That's too bad. Hey, for, I was funny. Uh, one more,. That's too bad. That's too bad. Hey, that was funny. One more, one more, one more. It was a good idea. Hey, Dick, I've got a major fucking rage for you today. The rage is decoy water fountains. These are the water fountains where there's no water,

or there's a tiny little fucking dribble of water that comes out, or than damn switch doesn't work or any of that bullshit that's 99% of water fountain yeah it's totally a fuck of a lot. Nothing is more of a fucking light down than walking over thirsty hanging out of their friends and then you just look like the biggest asshole in the world. Hey, are there friends just first each student and be ball doing your dance Acceptable your death jam dancing

Like this in a cardboard box Fucking never works Like if an elevator just dropped you off with a Ronald four you'd be fucking pissed off But we just accept this bullshit water fountain culture. De-coy water fountain. I've got to be fixed I will vote for any candidate that will take action on this except this bullshit water fountain culture, decoy water fountain, I've got to be fixed. I will vote for any candidate that will take action on this. All right, go fuck yourself.

Yeah, man, it's gross. And you gotta get down there and like make out with the, it's like landing, it's like linking up to soyos and the ISS. Well, not, like get your mouth all up on the thing, a little nudge here, a little nudge there. Maybe you could slurp some of the, breathe some of it in. Right. And then choke on it, look like an asshole.

Right. It's really a very precise... You have the rotor riser. You have the rotor riser. I water. Alright, see you next Tuesday. Everyone. you