The Dick Show - Episode 75 - Dick on LA Phil

Episode Date: November 7, 2017

The Ballad of LA Phil, Cab Calloway's corpse and the Chicago scat man championships, John Stamos is a terrible singer, Cupboards are a scam, Boneitis draws my fursona, the Great Pyramid according to Bill Guy, how to flip eggs over easy, Kevin Spacey puts a stop to a pretend female president, Madame Nash calls in with a meme-based game--and then calls back again to complain about it, some facts about Cuck Norris, Jamie and Layc sit next to each other, a very bitter loss against the Houston Astros, annoying girls who have alcoholism, noisy windshield wipers, and Sean gets a T-shirt; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

All right, all right, I haven't even started drinking yet. Or the show or the show. Okay, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Here we go. Yeah Hey, welcome to dick you want to take a new dick you love dick is the show where everything is a contest coming to you live From a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure I am your host dick masters and with me is always a shawan the audio engineer. Hello dick. Hey, what's up, buddy I feel like that I need some more jams on that theme song. Always in my mind. I hear it still continuing to go while I'm talking You know, oh make it a little longer. I need like 10 minutes.

I need 10 years of, so I can just walk around doing it all day. You know, your own soundtrack. Yeah, but it also, it should be like where other people have soundtracks and it's like the force though. Like, you know, in the first Star Wars when Darth Vader and Obi-Wan and Kenobi

are basically touching the tips of their penises together with the lightsabers. Who could forget? Yeah. And then Obi-Wan and Kenobi are basically touching the tips of their penises together with the lightsabers. Who could forget? Yeah, and then Obi-Wan Kenobi's gonna be like, we're gonna get smaller. Yeah, oh man, that guy's a big cock that Darth Vader. That's what it should be with soundtracks when you're walking around.

As you walk, you get into a stare down with somebody and it's like, the sounds are going at each other. That whole scene just perpetuates the stereotype that black people have bigger dicks. Good point, thanks Sean. Yeah, no problem. Holy fuck, I'm having a good day today. Let's fix that.

That week. Let's fix it. We have Adam Nash on the line. He's gonna. Oh, really? No, no. No, that would fix that though. Chicago.

Fix your wig. Road rage. How did that go? Yeah, we'll have to talk. Road rage Chicago. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's a ticket master. See Diego set it up so you could get tickets that are closer to the action. So if you wanna get in and all the mayhem or if you wanna put a stop to the mayhem. Was that true? The first part that I said is true, that you can reserve tickets. Oh, okay. And seats.

So you get right down up front. Thought we were tearing. If you wanna... Tearing the seats. If you wanna taste the shan in your mouth. If you wanna look deep into his eyes and see what he's thinking, because he doesn't talk at all at the shows.

He just sits there with his arms crossed, like a college sophomore girl. Out arms crossed. Yeah. It's too chaotic. You can't get a word in. He just sits there going, I'm cold. Ah!

If you want to see what's going on in his brains, close enough to even look into his out, his beautiful blue eyes. What color are your eyes? Hazel. Actually. Give me a fucking break. Hazel. What a, what a, what a, what a, what a, what a, what a, what a, what a, what a, what a

tantrous eye color. No, that runs in my family. Oh, I bet it does. But I wear contacts and contacts. They usually have a slight blue tint to them. And so it actually, if I have one in or one out, you can tell the difference. You wear vanity colored contacts to look more beautiful? No, they're normal colored.

They normally have a little bit of a tint to them, a slightly blue tint. Depends on how your handsome man doctor tells you, contacts aren't colored. They don't have blue in them. Yes, they do. They're just clear. No, they're not just clear. You have like contacts to make your eyes clear. Make your eyes clear.

No, I have the regular contacts. God. Oh, man. You've never worn contacts. You have hair plugs too. Yeah, I have hair plugs too. You have peck implants? Yeah.

Yeah. All of you need for some reason. Yeah. Oh, man. God, speaking of handsome, yeah, all of you need for some reason. Yeah. Oh man, God speaking of handsome, oh, so Chicago. I've been on Gab. I've been in exile. Gab, I've been slugging it out with the other mutants man. I'm like judge dread.

So now to wander the cursed Gab with nothing but me and my lawmaker with the more locks. Is that the term? That's a different term on gab. It's the mutants and the freaks. Mutants and freaks, right? Yeah, this is for... I disappointed Jack, Twitter's Jack with my spicy tweets.

I was one spice over the line. One spice over the line. So they booted me out of Twitter forever. Thanks for getting that song stuck in my head. Yeah. Rest of the day. But I've been on Gab. It's fucking wild on Gab.

Is it? John. Free for all. Oh, you can't even... You forget that you forget that you can read the things that you can read on the internet on Gab. Like, I'll see a Gab come in from a follower and be like, whoa, I haven't seen somebody say that

on the internet in six years. Yeah. How did this guy get? How did this guy get loose? So you're enjoying it? I'm like, whoa, I haven't seen somebody say that on the internet in six years. Yeah. How did this guy get loose? So you're enjoying it? I'm loving it. I would have. To quote McDonald's.

Ha ha ha ha. I'm loving it, Sean. Yeah. Oh man. Mm hmm. Anyway, a furry by the name of Bonitis hit me up on gab. He's like, all right. Good name. Yeah. Little future armor reference.. He's like, all right. Good name.

Yeah. Well, Futurama reference. Oh, yeah, I don't know. I didn't ask. 80s guy. Cause I don't, if it's not Futurama, if it's like a furry thing, I want to know more about what Bonitis is all about. I'm sure, no.

You know, a furry says, oh, road rage Chicago is going to be during the Midwest fur convention. Fuck. I can't go. I might not be able to go. And I said, dude, it's December 2nd, by the way, at the Apollo Theater, Apollo Theater, Chicago, December 2nd. Could you fucking ask the show so that furry says, well, the Midwest fur convention is there.

I said, well, do both. Bring all your fur. Yeah, bring all your furry guys. This seemed like fun. Yeah, so this guy made not only, did he, so he made me a furry first of all. Do you wanna see it? What I look like as a furry?

Definitely. Okay, this is what I look like as a, it's called a first sona. That's me as a furry. See, I got a tanker to, I guess that's probably semen, because I'm a, it looks like beer, but it's probably not beer.

And I got some kind of a mansplaining sword. Holy fuck, I did some good mansplaining this week. I'll get to that. And I got that wig, but I guess I'm a fox or something. Yeah, I'm not sure what you are there. Probably a fox with a liquor bottle for a dick. That's my first zone.

Anyway, I said, I said, hey, come to the show and bring all your furs. Bring all your furs, guys. Yeah. Let's get like 20, let's get 20 fucking furries in there. For sure. You know, let's have a men's bathroom, a women's bathroom, a trans bathroom,

and a fur bathroom. Yeah. Why can't we get in on the fun for once? Why can't, you know, why can't guys just have a silly bathroom? Yeah. A fur bathroom. Right. You know, right.

Furs who gotta take all their suits off and shit. Well, there's fire hydrants like, you know, all kinds of things. Yeah. In there. You're saying, if they have to take a shit, if they have to take a shit, there's like a huge tree, you know, all kinds of things. And there, you're saying, like, if they have to take a shit, if they have to take a shit, there's like a huge tree, you know, to make them think they're in the woods,

yeah, forest, or so this guy, bonitis, sponsored by Charmin, right? The bear. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I get it. I can keep going. Keep going while I look for the,

his post that I'm talking about. Uh, that was a total bluff. He makes it going. He makes a post about the dick show road rage thing. You remember how I'm always saying that the furries are going to take over the world because they're so fucking detailed. Like I said that about burning man where they had their shit going on. Like it was they were okay. Look at this guys.

Look at this first pot furries post just saying this is about the dick show. Come to the dick show. This is like more work than I've seen out of my accountant. Yeah. first pot for his post just saying, this is about the dick show, come to the dick show. This is like more work than I've seen out of my accountant. Yeah. This is, it's like a full list of eight point font on furaffinity.net in comic sands, I think. No, it's, it's an fully professional font inviting all of his fur friends to come.

Yeah. And then the first pick is some kind of a fox creature dry-humping the air. Yeah. With abs. With abs. It's a fox with abs. Is that, and then there's one below that looks like a,

I don't know, some kind of furry that could be in kiss. That's bonitis. Oh, that's bonitis. That's bonitis. So he's gonna be there and his furry buddies are gonna be there. Oh, cool. Some kind of mouse. Oh, yeah, bonitis.

What would your first son of be, Sean? I don't know. Maybe Bonitis can come up with one. Hmm. I've literally never given it a second thought. Probably like a goat. A goat? Yeah, because they'll eat anything.

And you will delete anything. Ah. Right. Well, that's a, it's uncalled at all these. Oh, look at his horse. A horse. He's gonna fuck the shit out of you. Look at that. All right. Well, that's a, I'm calling all these. Oh, look at his horse. Oh, horse. Horse gonna fuck the shit out of you. Look at that.

All right. So come there. I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to get a Skatman too for the show. Yeah. Okay. And that's gonna be great. Yeah. Cause I am a, I'm probably one of the best Skatmen in the world.

People don't know that about me. You do, you do love it. I love Skating. Almost as it. I love scatting. Almost as much as I love whistling. So I want to get a guy who really knows his shit, like a cab calaway, but a young cab calaway when he was in Paris. You know?

Not cab calaway. Not his brothers or dead, not dead cab calaway. Dead cab calaway. Maybe I'll come out and end the corpse of cab calaway. Yeah. not lose brothers or dead, not dead cap, dead cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, cap, you know, the world tries to, tries to cut down the strong. The weak pull down the strong, like Gulliver, and the lily put puttions, how they tie him down. That's why people are always saying that drunk people aren't as funny as they seem. They're actually extremely funny and entertaining. They're just threatened

by it. Yeah. You know, they wish they could do that all the time. They wish they could get that drunk and be that funny, but they can't. So jealous. That's what people say about my scatting too. It gets much better as I'm drinking. All right. You know what else I want to do in Chicago?

What's that? Is this too much Chicago talk? No, I've got it on my notes, so I'm trying to go by my notes. I'm really excited about it. Dude, it's gonna be, it, coach is gonna be there. Yeah. And you have to, crocodile done dude is gonna be there. Oh, fantastic.

Skat guy is gonna be there. Is Tom a, Phillips gonna be there? Furry's gonna be there. No. No. Mysterio's only gets to do one thing. Oh, that's not the Mysterio's show, all right. All right. Uh, lost episodes are gonna be given away.

I wanna do some kind of a Facebook versus Reddit also. Oh boy. Like who's the worst? Yeah. And we get like a representative from East. One is the worst. One is the worst. We don't know though.

Maybe the, maybe the Reddit guys have a worst cut. Don't wait, have a worst cut. They'll be there, won't he? Yeah, do you follow theater email Diego? And they're like, what kind of show is this? We're like a family theater. And we looked at some of your materials. Is this gonna be like a bunch of angry men?

And Diego says, no, no, no, no, no. No weird stuff. No, we're gonna have 10 guys dressed like furry scuffin' them. Don't make us go to the real Apollo theater. Oh, okay. God, such a good. It was a bad week. The World Series was bad for us.

That was rough. Not even gonna, yeah, forget it. I'm not talking about that. That was rough being at the bar. Yeah, but you know what? You know what, you know what, maybe a rage about being at the bar. It was packed.

The whole bar was packed, except for like these guys, reserving entire booths, like sitting there with their foot up, like Captain Morgan on the booth, reserving booths until like the sixth inning. Sixth inning. They're waiting for their asshole late buddies to...

They're waiting for fucking Godot for all of our money because they never, they never showed up. Like these, these fucking guys, they get so, they get, they are so aggressive about saving seats that they don't even use the seats themselves. Like they want to trick you into thinking, no, these aren't even actually seats. See, I'm not gonna, you guys don't wanna say, I'm not even gonna sit on them. I'm gonna stand on this seat and sit on the back. Fucking joke.

These guys, there's a time limit. You know, there really should be, when you know everybody's trying to get in there. Everything else has a time limit. Yeah, if you leave your fries too long, I'm gonna swoop in. That's right, take those fries, you know? You got Afghanistan for too long.

Your life is shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna come, you're gonna, the killin' is not done when you get back. You know what I'm sayin'? Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never done that.

Killed me one? I'll have fries. Yeah, you've fries. I've never eaten a man's fries. Killed me one. I'll fry it. Yeah, you fry it. I never eat in a man's fries. He goes to Afghanistan. I would never admit to doing that. I just want, I'm missing that reference. Guy goes to Afghanistan leaves this beautiful

plate of fries at home. Guys are, there's always gonna be somebody there waiting to eat those fries, you know? Yeah, okay. I'm just saying I understand. I'm just saying that I'm the kind of person who would never admit to doing that. Right, now I understand.

You understand. Yeah. Okay. Chair hoarders really pissed me off. Yeah. It's a savage game. Chairsmanship. When it should be a celebration,

you just have, it's the great equalizer though. Dealing with these chairs, this bartering system of chairs and stools, and packing them, everyone is working off of a different etiquette for chair-arri. Like you get dudes, you get these chads strolling in with their collars flipped all the way up, who spot a stool and just immediately sit down.

Yeah, you're like, dude, in what universe was that chair not already spoken for? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you should be suspicious of it just an open, at a place like that, just an open chair. Oh yeah, nobody's sitting, it's a third inning. Yeah, it's probably taken. This car's unlocked, I guess it's just mine now.

Right. I was just walking in to the middle of the movie without knowing what, and then acting, having the audacity to act like you don't know exactly what you're doing. It's ridiculous. Thank God, Keon was there. Seven feet tall.

Yeah. Who can just turn around and you don't, you're afraid that he stops looking at you because his ponytail will knock your ass over the bar. That too. Thank God he was there. Yeah. How you doing? Have a seat. All right, chair hoarders really, but I had a really good day. I could tell you about maybe one of the happiest moments of my life. Maybe one of the happiest moments of my life. 80s girl got surprised tickets to Willie Wonka's

Hollywood Bowl experience. Really? Yeah, where they play the movie and then like a live orchestra plays along with the movie. Lacey's here, you shaking your head. Glorious. Oh, it was awesome. It was awesome. And the whole time building it up, she's like, yeah, all these celebrities was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, Yeah. And she's going through the list. Like yeah, you know, Gus from, Gus from Breaking Bad is gonna be there. And at the very end she goes, John Stamos is gonna be there too. I said, what was that? Sorry.

What was that that you tried to sneak in? John Stamos? Yeah. It was like yeah. John Stamos, really? Let me, let me get a real close look into your eyes when you say that name again. Say the fuck who's gonna be there? Don't you fucking what do you have against John Stamos?

Get it on the mic. What do you have against John Stamos? Do you know how sexy that guy is? I don't like he's aged pretty well, hasn't he? Excuse me, am I threatened by John Stamos? No, of course not, but if I can't stand how beautiful he is. That's all. I get enough with this guy over here. I'm like a hawk. Say that about say say what again? I'm like Samuel L. Jackson. Say John Stamos again, bitch. Let me see one more goddamn time.

One more goddamn time. So the whole time you can hear his name being murmured in the crowd, all these stupid chicks walking up to the show. Oh, John Stamos. I think the stupidest jokes. I can't wait to see John Stamos. Oh my God. I bet he's even more handsome in real life.

John fucking Stamos. The whole time John Stamos comes out as Willy Wonka dressed in his top hat and his velour coat. He was Willy Wonka. He was Willy Wonka, of course. What is he gonna be? Augustus Gloop.

Yeah. He would be cool. It would be a lot cooler if he was a Augustus gloup, but he's not. He doesn't even pretend. He's got the look of a man on his face who doesn't even pretend that he doesn't know he's that good looking. A smile that I could never have, a smile that I could, maybe there's an app that would show me how happy I would be with myself if I looked like that and put that smile on my face. But it's because he's Greek. It's because he's Greek.

Yeah, because Greeks, there's the thing that's saying about Greeks and Italians, where Greeks say, we invented everything. And then Italians said, yeah, and we made it better. Yeah. So he, I'm sure he's well aware of. Fucking asshole. He comes out trying to do the Willy Wonka,

like, Cain stuck and role routine. And he's just fucking it up. Cause he's, you know, he doesn't, he's not there to perform for you. He's not fucking Gene Wilder. Exactly. He fucks it up, he's giggling at himself. I'm like, you motherfucker, I'd be sweating like a fucking pig

if I was fucking up that routine that badly. People paid money for this. People paid money for this, and you just, you don't even care. No. You fucking, you blew it, it's not funny at all, and you're not even a little bit embarrassed, you're just going on, oh, just having a good time up here.

I'm John fucking Stamos. Everybody's eating it up what a screaming fucking screaming at him How was it overall? Pretty cool. It was great. It was great. So then I saw it get this night before Christmas Get this shanny elfman get this John stamos comes out for his big number, right? His big, your imagination, so. Yeah.

Come with me. Right, sure. And you'll, right. Vienn, do. Check out this candy. Not do. Okay, yeah. Oh man, he comes out.

And all these, all these chicks start finger-banging themselves right. Yeah, just right disgusting 10,000 disgusting 10,000 women start they start it was a Hollywood ball, right? Yeah, they start gearing up 18,000 people they get their hands up in the air like a like a bro about to high five, but you know But then they get that thing

They're all gearing up for it momentum running start all their cameras momentum? Running start. All their cameras are up. Oh my God, all the worst cameras in the world because there are all these 60-year-old women who have like iPhone to threes. Like you fucking, you should be ashamed of yourselves recording this fucking event with your sick. What are you gonna do with those? I know what you're gonna do with those videos too, later you sickos, you sick people.

Never seen behavior like this. From fully grown women acting like they're at a car show over John Stamos. I'm just trying to enjoy a movie on Stamos ruins that. Saunters out, dude. He starts singing and it sounds like a 70 year old man with an oxygen tank. He's the most out of it.

It sounds like a deflated balloon that's like a whoopee cushion. Somebody's trying to slap air out of the guy. The guy can't sing at all. God. Oh, he can't sing at all. And I was like, it's like him and Russell Crowe. I had you could see all these ladies, phones start kind of going down

and all their hands going down. I could feel the moisture in the air drying out. Oh, it's terrible, huh? Oh, terrible. Wow. Terrible. No, no, no, not even close to the note. It doesn't have it.

No timing at all. Oh. Walking around pretending to No timing at all. Oh. Walking around pretending to be Willy Wonka. Not able to find a beat at all. Wow. And I just went, oh, what do you think? Oh, that was an interesting take on that song. Yeah.

I said, yeah, interesting take. Me, I would have made it more like a song. Right. Not like whatever that was. I had done it with, you know, talent. Yeah, I might have tried to hit some of the notes. Yeah. Interesting take.

Right. He walks out and gets a little girl that kiss him on the cheek. He's like, now, that's not gonna work, buddy. You already blew it by trying to sing and not singing very well. To these women, you're a troll. No, that's your monster.

All the sudden your hair plugs are obvious to everyone, not just me. Ah, that was great. Hairplug. And I was smiling all. I felt like I won a golden ticket. All bet. That was great.

I wanted to go talk to people after. I wanted to go talk to the guys randomly. Hey, dude. What'd you think about that? Stay mostly terrible. Absolutely terrible. It shouldn't be embarrassed for trying. Yeah, that's right. You should be.

You know what, maybe you're rage about the show though? The fucking jumbo trons. Amazing setting for an orchestra, whatever symphony, anything, but they got these goddamn jumbo tronds everywhere that you cannot not look at. Like, just if you're able to distract yourself for two seconds enough to look down at the stage, it's special.

It's like real people, you get to see something that you never see. But it's like, it takes all of your concentration, like a fucking horse with blinders on not to just let your eyes drift up to the screen, where you can see the same thing you see every fucking day. And you can see everybody there staring, like they got their Adam's apples hooked on a lure,

getting tugged out, like, like they're watching they got their Adam's apples hooked on a lure getting tugged out like like they're watching TV at home. Yeah, like Turkey's drowning in the rain as they stare at the jumbo trunks, but it's fucking impossible to look away from. I don't know who it's for. Like the people, the people who pushed that technology, the jumbo screen in there. Yeah. Should be ashamed of themselves.

Well, I mean, it's for the people in the way back, of course. Dude, it's better even in the way back, because I didn't buy these seats. Yeah. So we're in the, we're on teacher salary seats. You're gonna not get the front of the line passes. No, this isn't a guy who drinks too much and buys things seats.

Yeah, right. Right. You'd have been. This isn't a guy you would have been Willy Wonka. Yeah. This isn't a guy who hasn't been able to pay his taxes once. Yeah. Yeah.

This is a responsible ladies purchase. That's right. Not someone trying to, not someone trying to overcompensate for John Stamos being there. So they're pretty far back, but it still looks better. It's something, man. It's not the reminder of these goddamn screens. Well, they're so, because they're,

because I've been to the bull many times, and they're out to the left and right. They're pretty extreme on the sides, but they're so goddamn big that you cannot get them out of your peripheral vision. No, you can't. So you're constantly looking over there, and get them out of your peripheral vision. No, you can't. You're constantly looking over there and then you're like, oh god damn it, I'm watching it again.

I could just add at home and done this. Yeah. And they're everywhere. Every concert, every sporting event, every game, I'm sitting there with my fucking neck bent like a boomerang, staring at whatever's happening on the screen. Yeah. I don't know how to stop it. Well, and it sucks because obviously you're on the screen,

you're only seeing what they want to show you. So it's like, you could be seeing, it's like, oh, I want to check out like this section of the orchestra now, or like, what are they, you know, it's like, that's kind of the cool thing about seeing like a live orchestra, too, is you can see, you could watch the, you could watch the timpani player, if that's what you want to do.

But they're not showing him. Yeah, I want to see who's looking at porn on their phones when they're not playing their thing. Right. I saw a guy doing that. I was, I was at, uh, I was at some Broadway show. I got someone, someone was going, I didn't set this up. Someone was going in, they, they had an extra ticket. So I got to tag along. Uh, God, what was it?

Yeah, just wants to make sure everybody knows. Everyone knows. He's got a brim. I'm not gay. Just so that knows that. I think it might have been that Wizard of Oz one. Wicked was it? Wicked.

Yeah, I don't want to say that word. Why? Because sounds a little. Why? Because you'd... Oh, really? The word wicked is gay. A little bit. Oh, okay.

Don't you think? It should have just called it, was advised prequel. Oh, not way better. Wicked! And I was sitting, I happened to be sitting in the front because I knew this dude was like a ticket broker. That's why he had these tickets. Oh.

So I was peeping down. Right, he's not gay either. He's a broker. I don't Oh. So I was peeping down. Right, he's not gay either. He's a broker. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, right, exactly. I'm sure. And I was peaking down into the orchestra pit

because it's under the stage, right? And the guitarist was playing. And then when he was done playing, he would just have this little bit of pornography. Really? And he would get out. Yeah. God damn.

It was like those free pornography's too. He might have been looking for escorts, but like every time he would just go, hmm, doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle and then he would just look over at his music stand and just start continuing flipping through his pornography. Did his guitar come at the end of the show? Dude, he wasn't. I was watching him because I wanted to see if he would touch his dick.

Yeah. So I'm like, how do you not, how do you look at all this porn? Yeah. And not even touch your dick once. Yeah. I have a question. What kind of porn was it? Lazy, say it again.

What kind of porn was it? Have you never looked at escort? Like gay porn? No, no. Gay escort? No. No. Straight women.

Just straight. Just straight women. Gay's don't have escorts. Yeah. No, no, no. They all just, they just meet and they're like, you want a, you want a bone or what? And the guys like, yep, let's do it. That's how, that's why we're also jealous of them. Seeing a beautiful man fail, that was great.

Let's see here. Big screens ruined it. I did some great mansplain mains, mains, this week. Bidja. Yeah, Jamie Lynn Hughes was in town and she asked me who LA Phil was. Phenomenal. Yeah. Right. That's, you're going through what I went through. Oh, there's just so many roads. Yeah. I really have so many doors.

I had a calm down. We're just sitting in that water village, having lunch. We'll have an emulment. And Jamie sitting in that water village, having lunch. We'll have a moment. And Jamie says in her Texas accent, yeah, you're gonna have to tell me who this LA Phil is. I've been seeing posters of him everywhere. And I'm like,

he'll have to excuse me for a moment. Now, it's an honest mistake. I guess if you want to, that's an honest mistake. I guess if you wanna, that's a very charitable way to describe it as an honest mistake. But it's beautiful, it's a beautiful thing. Cause I didn't wanna, for those of you who don't know, that's an abbreviation for the LA Phil Harmonic,

and she's new to towns, she's experiencing LA. The number one thing on her mind was who's this LA Phil Harmonic, right? And she's new to town, so she's kind of experiencing LA. And the number one thing on her mind was, who's this LA Phil? Yeah. That they got at what's he do? Right. What's he do in LA that's so important why they've got his banners everywhere.

Yeah. So I said, well, okay. And something I've learned about life is never rush to the next point, you know? I know. You gotta enjoy, if you have a point, you know? I know. You gotta enjoy, if you have a kid, you enjoy them as a baby. You don't wanna rush them out of it. You gotta really take the time to savor

when someone fucks up. Don't rush it to the next, don't let them know right away. Cause you can't get that back. And you'll want it back, but you want to live in that moment for as long as possible. That is such great advice for life, and that's so hard to do. So hard to do.

So I sat there. I can't do it. I'm already rushing to the next point. No, no, no, no, no. I sat there, I was chewing my sandwich, and I said, okay, just stay calm. Stay calm here. This might be the funniest thing you hear this year.

Who's this LA Phil guy? Maybe for the rest of your life. Maybe for the rest of your life. Maybe everything will go down. Say calm here. This might be the funniest thing you hear this year. Yeah. Who's this LA Phil guy? Maybe for the rest of your life. Maybe for the rest of your life. Maybe everything will go down. Maybe everything will go wrong for you tomorrow. Yeah. And this will be the last great thing that ever happened.

And you'll go at least I had LA Phil. I think I had LA Phil. So I think it was just me, Jamie, and LA Phil. LA Phil. Okay, so I finished my sandwich, finished eating my, my $15 sandwich. You were one bite into it when she said that, right? That's a little,

it's a little dab. I gotta really make sure I don't, I don't fuck anything up. I gotta make sure I have chewed and swallowed everything. Right. I gotta make sure I've just swallowed everything that's in my mouth, because a blunder at this point

wouldn't negate the entire thing. Catastrophe. Yeah. And then all of the dump truck of stupid would get turned on me. Yeah. And all that's the dangerous game. Yeah, you become Biff Tannen.

Yes. When you're talking about burnsmanship and burning and burn court, it's just basically someone brings a dumpster to court and then you decide who gets it dumped on them. So, this is Jamie's showed up with a very big dumpster of manure by asking who L.A. Fill is. So, I really need to, you know, I really need to take my time and not blow it at this point. Go back to fundamentals.

Fundamentals. Yeah, you slow the game down. Slow the game down. Yeah. I don't want to beat myself. No, right? Huh? That's the last thing you want. I know from getting shouted at as a kid by my dad about baseball,

that the one thing you really, when you really fucked up is when you beat yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, fundamentals, you, you blew it if you didn't focus on fundamentals, but if you beat yourself, you might as well walk home. Yeah, you mean nothing, right? So I said, well, hmm, LA Phil, huh? Yeah, he's got these, these signs all over town. I knew

it's doing. And I say, hmm, okay. Well, you're gonna have to tell me next time you see one of these signs. Right? Thinking I'll stretch it out. Wow. I'm going for some discipline. Oh yeah. This might be a weak payoff.

Well, I'll tell you what, interesting question. I'm not familiar with this LA Phil, but next time you see a sign of his, point it out. And then I'll see if we can figure it out together, right? And he goes, well, in fact, there's one right there. Right behind you. Cause they're all over the place, Sean. They are all over the place.

They're all fucking over the place. Yeah, they're hung from like street lights and stuff. And those vertical banners, right? Cause it's an orchestra. Yeah. So I turn around, sure enough. L.A. Phil. That's the giant magnet telling you you have to go for it. Chinese lady holding a cello. I said, well Jamie, that happens to be a Chinese woman. That's not. He goes, I don't know. I clearly not woman. That's not. He goes, well, I don't know. I clearly not feel. That's the, it's the Philharmonic.

The L.A. Philharmonic that we have here, that's what you're seeing. Times four. And then I disappeared. I went, you, you, you, you, and I left into somebody else. Yeah, that was great.

Yeah. Maybe one of the most satisfying experience of my life. That moment, that's a good one. Let's see what else do I got here. You know, it also makes me rage, kitchen cabinets, that you have to bend over to get into. I'm so, so sick of it. Feeling like every time I need something in the kitchen that I've dropped a bar of soap in the shower and visit. Yeah. I don't want to do it anymore. I just, the best way

to, the best way to keep anything is in a pile. And anybody who tells you otherwise is lying to you and trying to trick you and it's probably a woman trying to horn swaggle you into living rent free with you by setting up a system of cabinets and organization that no man could ever learn in their life. That's what they're for. The only proper way to keep anything is a big pile in the garage. I've got a kitchen pile, a clothing pile, and an other pile.

And all my stuff is in three piles, three piles, excuse me. That's all I need. The second it goes into a kitchen cabinet gone. Because I'm not bending over. I'm very sore for some reason. There's always a reason to be sore. If you're not sore, you didn't test yourself. You didn't mix up your training regimen that week.

You didn't mix up your regimen of bullshit. I slept on a beach this week, Sean. Did you? Yeah, cool. I slept on a beach. So I'm sore as fuck. Yeah. Why did you sleep on a beach?

Drunk. No, you didn't. Yeah. You fell off the wagon. Oh, no, no, no, not recently. Oh, man He was pretty happy about that wasn't it look I'll embrace anything not drunk great. Yeah, see same right I'm whatever you do. I'm happy Whatever you choose to do. Why, what beach did you fall asleep on? Some Mexican beach. You were so drunk in Mexico.

Yeah. You didn't get anything stolen. No. Kidneys or you, no, it was like an American resort. I mean, not that they couldn't walk down from, you know. Oh man, if there is, if some fat chick had known you had passed out on the beach, it would have been like, it would have looked like a school of whales

had beached themselves on you. like, it would have looked like a school of whales had beached themselves on you. Good God. That night, do you ever worry about that? What, the whales are gonna fuck smother me to death? Yeah. You get too drunk. Big ol' fatso.

No, sorry, it's they are clean, shaving. Hmm. Better, you know, it's chair. They look like Harvey Weinstein, that's one thing. That's charitable of you. Yeah. It's chair. Sick of, I'm sick of, I'm sick of cupboards in the kitchen and bending over and going

on it. Because if you bend over once you've got a bend over seven times. Yeah. Well, it's like, isn't that like a Muslim prayer? Yes. Every time, if it's not in the sink, I become... Don't make that face. Muslim.

And I just start randomly. I'm like an OCD Muslim, where I just pray randomly. And I know where Mecca is, but I gotta pray in all directions every single time anyway. Yeah. Do they have OCD Muslims? I don't know. I they have OCD Muslims? I don't know. I spy OCD everywhere. Where they gotta like flip it or okay,

I pray to make a... You can do anything seven times. I would say it's OCD, that's like just built in. Yeah, I gotta pray the other way. Now I gotta unpray to make a, I gotta reverse it, right? They got those guys that have to reverse everything they do. I guess, yeah. Well, interesting point, Sean. Let's see here. I've got some

songs. You know, some songs. Yeah, sure. Well, I'm going to play a song and I'm going to try to figure out who sent me this playboy. My original playboy, we talked about it before the show, but a dickhead sent me broadcast. Lacey, how you doing? Say hello. Hello,, everyone you were in playboy. I was in playboy Do you have any half stories? No, I don't I was very upset when he passed away I never got to meet him because you were cuz you could remind everyone that you were in playboy I'm so upset everyone. I'm also I was beautiful enough to be in playboy get me get head out of your mind Start thinking of naked lazy again, right? I know how chicks work. Don't try to don't give me that sad shit. I Definitely posted my picture. Yeah, you get to meet him though. No, what would you have said if you could have met him?

For 10 Sean is you have there and say what you I would have asked him for a tour of the mansion for sure. Oh Starting ending where? Or starting where? In the grotto. At the grotto? Yeah. Where James Kahn knocked somebody, knocked some brought out.

Did he really do that? I, who knows. Yeah, who knows? I don't know. In ending where? What would you want to see? The movie room. The movie room.

Mm-hmm. Okay, I heard you watch like, gay porn, while he was getting a lot of John Stamos. Yeah, apparently I heard that. Is that true? I don't know. I hope it's true. That's cool.

Yeah, because he's still negging. Even when he's plowing three chicks, he's such a player that he puts on gay porn. It's like, I'm not even fucking aware. Where did you hear that? I don't know. It doesn't matter. He puts on, he really wants to stick it to them, right?

He doesn't want them to think they have the power. So he just puts on a bunch of gay point of makes himself watch. He's like, you guys do nothing for me. Don't think, don't be gratified by this at all. I'm watching these gay dudes play out each other. That's what's getting me off right now. Always thinking one step ahead, heath. Okay.

I've got some, some facts about a guy named Cuck Norris as well. And I think Esterios is calling me see Esterios is here. Oh yeah, okay. Well, I'm sure this will go swimmingly. Okay, hold on. Hey, Esterios, I'm gonna play a song and then read some facts about Cuck Norris and then we'll get to our caller.

Go someplace quiet. Here's a song from Hazen Cruise. Hazen Cruise, excuse me. It's Hazen Cruise, right? Hazen Cruise. About me getting kicked off Twitter. Lacey, did you hear about that? Oh, what?

No. Sucks. Oh, yeah. This is bad. Yeah, I'm done. I'm banned from Twitter. And I tried to make new accounts. They're all banned. She's stopped. Yeah. I'm done. I'm banned from Twitter and I tried to make new accounts. They're all they're all banned. Stop. Yeah, I'm PNGed from life. Like I just wander around trying to tweet on on

Center blocks and like telephone poles and stuff. I just go around town. I'll write something Woody out and then staple it to a wall and then I'll come back later and see if anybody like To I'll put if you like this tear this a little slip off and I'll come back later and see if anybody like, I'll put, if you like this, tear this a little slip off, and then I come back later and see like, oh, three people tore a slip off, that's cool. Or maybe one guy tore three off, I don't know. I hope not, because that's how I've been validating myself, myself, where is.

You should come to gab. Don't make that face. I'm not familiar with it, I don't believe that I do. She's never coming to a live show again. Oh yeah, what happened at the live show for you? Nothing happened to me. I had a great time. Okay.

How long were you guys there? I, I stayed, my friends left. Oh, I stayed, I stayed for about a couple hours. Did you really? Yeah. What was the last thing you saw? I wasn't intrigued. I saw the fight.

I saw the fight. You saw the fight outside? Yeah. No, inside. Inside. Yes. Multiple fights. Yeah.

Okay. What was the last planned thing you saw? Did you see the enigma come out with a stereo, so that big old moose knuckle flopping around? No, no, no, no. I didn't see that. I didn't see that. Okay. Did you see the pissing contest?

No. Where the guys pulled their pants off? No? That's why I think I left. Okay. Because it was happening. You saw the fight. And you're,

you're friend left because she was so pissed about. Oh, she was so pissed. Derek Gooley wearing all Trump stuff, right? Right. I know. What happened? She called him out. What happened though?

I mean, she came in and saw this guy wear. Honestly, I was a little upset with her because she approached him first. He did nothing. What'd she say? Why are you wearing that? She was totally thrown off. She didn't really know what she was getting herself into. I'm a fan of social experiments

and so I just wanted to bring him just to see how it turned out. And she was completely thrown off. One of the hottest women I've ever seen sees Derek Gooley and walks up to him to talk to him. There's no way that's not a success. I was just gonna say that. I mean, and he was dressed like a complete asshole.

Yeah, like American flag, pants and jacket and like a Trump hat and shirt. Yeah, it was amazing. Oh my God. It was pretty good. That is a secret to talking to girls in LA then. You just have to be so patriotic that they can't help themselves. Yeah, what did she say to them?

She asked him why he was wearing that. What did she want to get out of that? He was wearing a costume. Yeah, it's not a costume. I'm called Freedom of Costume. And then what did she do? I left because I didn't want to do it. Children weren't costed.

Children. He's wearing a uniform. And then guys were blocking the bar and wouldn't let my friends walk up to order drinks. Like they just stood there and acted like they were and like even there. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go.

There's not a, yeah. I like it. Which I also kind of thought was funny, but. Were they standing there with their arms crossed? Like, you guys just won't move for it. They're like, what about your friends? Did they ask to get through? Yes, they're pissed.

They want to drink. Ha, ha, ha. Did it just mind fuck them? Oh, completely. The show, the crowd interaction, and just like, who are these people? Why, what is this, there's some kind of, is this a cult?

Yes, no, that's exactly what they thought. Yeah. Which I thought was beautiful. I thought it was so funny. Well, thanks for coming. Thanks for bringing so many beautiful women. Let's try to, we'll try to improve our behavior for next time. Okay, here's Hazzin Crew.

It's thick as, thick as tweetin, here's Hosing Crew. It's called. He sits in the bunker all night long. Lure and red at wild shawns hit his bonk Hey! All the little snowflakes on cry baby street Follow the forts while he tweed Tweed, tweed, tweed stick his tweed Not anymore Tweed, tweed, he's a tweed Tweed, tweed, he's a tweed

You know what I'm saying? And the jammy's gone a rustle tonight F*** Every page of Yoni, every dickhead Calendar, girls and other dickheads. Lifecoachansativashantoo, cheerin' and a giggling wild butt. Her crew is a heck-tweet. That's a good song.

Yeah, dick's tweed. It was a hit the first time around. You can see dick's tweed and then the jambies gone to rustle tonight. Skip. Yeah, I believe the sax, yeah. You see, Trump got kicked off a Twitter for 11 minutes. Yeah. Do you know why? I just thought you were going to know it. I just thought you were going to know it.

And employee left. They were all this last day. Oh, I'm just playing up. Can you believe that? Um. I mean, yeah, I can believe it. Obviously they were going to restore it. You can't kick the president off. This is the most powerful weapon in the world. They just got disabled for 11 fucking minutes because some moron. Like do you have any...are you running a

company at all? Do you have any, are you running a company at all? Do you have any protocols for stopping this at all? You guys are pissed about Trump having a nuclear code. Just pretty sure, like, there's more, I'm pretty sure there's more people in line of stopping a nuke getting stopped, then you ought, then there is for literally silencing the most powerful man on earth.

Like what if instead of saying, instead of just turning his account off, he had tweeted out I like to eat shit. I like to I like to fuck little boys like oh yeah this is Well, there's no these kind of companies that there's only reactions There's not safeguards Because it they're run by children Yeah 11 minutes. Yeah, I sure hope we don't have to go to war in 11 minutes. I sure hope I don't need to hear anything from this guy.

You know what, Keon, wait a minute, I'm gonna, Keon told me, okay, so this is... There's, we almost got to the ninth verse. Sorry, sorry, sorry, keep it. Keon told me that there's like a Supreme Court case saying that malls are de facto public spaces. Really? So like a mall is private property

they can do whatever they want, right? But it's not because it's a public forum and a public space. So like a mall can't kick you out for your political beliefs, because that's equivalent to sign on your free speech because it's a de facto free space. Really?

Or it's a de facto public space. Interesting? Or it's a de facto public space. Interesting. I mean, the Kian explained it better, but he explained it so fast. For a lawyer, he's got to learn to talk slower to run out the clock. You know, they get paid by the hour. He explains everything so quickly,

but that's what he was saying. So why isn't that, he's too good of value. Yeah, for your money. Right. For your money. That's what he was telling me during the World Series. Well, Jamie was talking about how she's Texas forever now and fuck the Dodgers.

I can front-running pieces. Yeah. Fucking fucking Astros. A bunch of assholes. And you know what, good for you, if you're in Houston and you can sit and listen to how badly Houston needed a fucking win because of the hurricane.

I hope you really enjoy sitting there equating the victory to God somehow or like you were owed it. Oh, like how many, I would rather lose the world series and that you fucking jerks have to listen to, oh, we really needed this win. You know, who really needed a win after 9, 11. Yeah. The Yankees, you know, won the world series that year beating the Yankees and the unhittable Mariana Rivera, the Arizona diamond backs. Oh, yeah, they needed, they really, Arizona really, yeah.

Yeah. And the Yankees came, they came from behind in like three games and everybody's like, it's the year 9-11, it's the Yankees, the Yankees really needed it. Oh, we need this one. Luis Gonzales, Bloop, single, over Derek Jeter to win the World Series. That's the one thing that got me through it is seeing all the stupid strong and all caps on their on their things and all the fucking ads like, oh, if you text this hashtag FR FHR FH, we're going to donate two bucks to the rebuild Houston foundation.

We've made we've made two million bucks so far. We get afford to report a single overpass with our two. What the fuck is, who cares about two million dollars when God just wiped your whole city off the face of the earth? Now Houston is a shithole, right? I don't know. This is what people from Texas tell me.

I'm sure, why? Does it matter? Oh, I don't know, I'm just saying. I'm just just wondering. I heard there's great strip clubs. Really? Yeah. Really, you heard that?

What else did you hear about them? That's all I've heard. Okay. I'm gonna read this. I've never been to Houston, but do you wanna know about? It's not spoken highly of. Do you wanna know about Cuconorus? Yeah. I don't know about that guy from James Kallen.

Bigfoot claims he saw Cucnoris watching while his wife got plowed on a both legs. It's like Chuck Norris, but it's Cucnoris. Yeah, yeah, Cucnoris. I'm going to say like Ben Stiller and Dodgeball, Cuck Norris. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Cuck Norris. When Cuck Norris gets mad, it's because his wife fucked his best friend while he was on a business trip

and he forgot to set up a video camera. He's got two twists. Yeah, yeah. Cuck Norris. Cuck Norris is a born again Christian. Do you wanna know why? Cuck Norris is a born again Christian because he secretly hopes God will also give his wife a son.

Mm-hmm. Like Jesus. But Joseph, he's the original cut. He's the most famous cut in history. That's right. Oh man. Yeah. Maybe he set up a little deal with God.

Look, if I'm going to be the most famous cut in the world, then how about something to make sure nothing a little bit of SIDS doesn't happen with your little boy over here. Yeah. Right? Exactly. Well, something for the effort. Give me some X-ray goggles so I could look through broads clothes if you're gonna be sticking a baby in my wife.

Yeah, right? Man, that port bastard. Wasn't he Jewish? Well, I mean, Joseph, not a good negotiator if he was. Yes, I, yeah. Should've got something out of that deal, you know? Yeah. Yeah, anyway.

Cuck Norris uses hot sauce as eye drops. Oh God. Cuck Norris does, because Chuck Norris does these crazy things that you don't believe are possible, but Chuck Norris does them. Yeah. But Cuck Norris does similar things except they have to do with people banging his wife.

Cuck Norris uses hot sauce as eye drops, mostly so he can pretend that's the reason he's crying all the time. Oh, okay, get it? Yeah, yeah, sure. Because that's not why he's really crying. Cuck Norris, Cuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits for his wife to come home with Steven Seagull.

Yeah. I'm getting the hang of these things now with Steven Seagal. Yeah. I'm getting the hang of these things now. You want one more? Yeah. Cuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square. Get it? Cuck Norris doesn't cheat death.

He wins fair and square like that, saying cheating death. Cuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square. His wife cheats though. Okay, got it. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see. We'll do some news after a stereo's calls in, let me see.

Hey, is this a caller? I got a special surprise caller on the line. You there? Yeah, hello. Who is this? Who is this? Hello? Hello? Yeah, hello. Who is this?

Who is this? This is. Hello. Yes, hello. Perfect. Hello. This is Matum Nash. Oh, this is a woman.

This is a woman from the Facebook group who said she's not listening to the show anymore. So I said call in. Call in and tell me why you're not listening to the show anymore. Your name is madam Nash Are you in any relation? Are you are you in any relation to Adam Nash who called in last week? My nephew Adam Nash. Yeah. Yeah. Well, why are you not why are you not listening to the show anymore madam Nash? Because it's not interesting anymore.

Reminds me of Thanksgiving, you know, listening to alcoholics Prattlawn about their adventures at baseball games, just like everything's giving I go to. Yeah, what's to the times I go to Thanksgiving and people talk about the sales records of their old business partners, failed books, you're typical Thanksgiving fair. Yeah. Okay. Well, sorry that we couldn't keep you as a listener.

Or you know, you're family. It's too time to turn it around. How can I do that? Well, you need more interesting colors. Okay. Like me, mademnash. Okay. So those are the whole family's leaving.

Yeah, they are. Does mademnash have a game for us? I was like, did I do my handsome young friend? Oh boy. You're going to play mademnashes shit posting me magic game. How does it work? Well, it's a game that 10 people play on a super-place book group, so I'm sure your 70,000 listeners would love to hear about it.

Okay, how does it work? The rules are quite simple. I should give you a post from my secret Facebook board. And you shall respond with one of the following letters. Why? N, F, K, P, D. The number two. Okay. That hand emoji from the emoji movie. A different content doing the content. A dark, dark, secret you've only told.

Your wickedest friends. For recipe for your favorite cake or cookie. A lock of hair from a secret crush. That you've been keeping hidden from your spouse These are the things we're supposed to respond with yes to your to your question. I got it. Yeah, these are the Is that you never played mad I'm not just posting me I don't know he would be so prepared as that As are those all the things that we can respond to?

18 more things. Okay, what are they? A Bernie Sanders beanie baby. A photograph of a swan at the moment of orgasm. Okay, great. I'm seeing here on Discord you want me to move on. No, I don't. You've got it going.

You got all that? Just in case I repeat it again. No. N. F. K. P. D.

The number two. That's the move. That had to move you from the emergency two. That's the goal. That had to moji from the emergency movie. Played delightfully by James Gordon. He has a T taken America's hot by store.

Is that all the rules of the game? Madam Nash. Indeed. So now that you know the possible responses we should play the magic game we're going to play yes we will okay a adorable young

Cherubik I wish you were mine if you if you know what I'm saying oh god but first what's the question the first you must choose the meme that you yourself are playing! Here are your choices! A skeleton playing a trumpet in hilarious fashion! Green frog puppet drinking a cup of tea coily, and obese child making a fist in cryo! A teddy bear who's also a pedophile. You and McGredder extolling the virtues of the high ground

Posting on the Applebee's Facebook page that's the font for stranger things only it says onion ring. Okay. All right. All right. Goodbye. That you. Thank you, Madam Nash. That's enough Okay with your character chosen we shall now begin round I present to you a post from the Facebook group Uh-huh. You should tell me how you would respond already. Yeah Excellent But first we begin with what score does be magic? You bracket. Oh, boy.

You got a panic. Trunk shit. Get out of here. Get out of here. It's all the vapor wave shit. But what? No, no, hang up. No, get out of here.

Get out of here. Get out of here. All right. That was Madam Nash. Yeah. Couldn't keep her as a listener either. No. Here's a, you want to talk about the Adam Nash colon before we get to the news?

Yeah. What's what's this? You just brought up. I just brought up. This was out of Nash's response. Well, did he on on Facebook for his Colin? I couldn't respond to it because I was also banned from Facebook last week. Yeah.

And I'm the canary. When you're when it starts when I start getting chopped, that's the end. Yeah. Because I'm right on the edge of making whatever it is acceptable. When they finally learn that I'm, they're like, no, that guy's been doping us for years. He's bad as all the other guys.

Get fucking rid of him. That's where we're at now. I got locked. I got locked for calling someone, I think, the same person I've called a Cont, numerous times numerous times right I got locked out of Facebook for calling her a Cont on Facebook Right She has a restraining order Not a mall bitch has a restraining order on her as Maddox's girlfriend

She has a restraining order because she called 80s 80s girls school and tried to get her fired and lied and made up all this bullshit and she called every school associated with that school right up and down to try to poison her record so like she could never be hired again. It's like it's just it's a barely a step up from just stabbing someone in the kidney when they're not look like a shiv. This is someone who shiv's. They should be in prison. We're shivbing, we're like, this sort of shivbing is allowed.

So I was on a podcast called The Drunken Peasants. Oh, last week. Big podcast. Big, big podcast. Really? I was drunk as fuck. I was as drunk as it was big. Wow.

So before the show, the guy says, hey, I just learned that you have this kind of beef with Maddox. And I just want to let you know that I'm like a fan and just would, I got the feeling that it would be appreciated if I didn't talk about it. Got it. All right, so I said, yeah, of course I'm not going to talk about it right away.

Hey, so this fucking bitch has a, so they say, they're like, oh, Maddox is calling into the show next week to promote his book. I was like, oh, that's good, because he hasn't sold more than 1,000 copies. I don't think, first of all, ask him that. Then ask him why his bitch girlfriend has a restraining order.

Ask him if he still thinks I have a rapist, like I went down point for point, the 12 things that this motherfucker did that deserves him to be booted back to fucking Utah. And they're like, ooh, okay. You think I'll go on next week? I don't know. I don't know if they're gonna ask him the things I said

to ask him. They should, it's funny. Yeah. And it was a great show. Those guys are awesome. I only fucked up a little bit this time. I asked a guy who's famously known as the amazing atheist if he was an atheist.

I don't know who, like just making conversation with my new buds Ben and TJ. I'm like, well, I mean, are you guys atheists? And he was like, oh yeah, I'm kind of famous and Lee Known as the amazing atheist. Oh man, every time. Every time I embarrass myself, it would be like if I met Barack Obama and I was like, well, you know, you're black.

Do you ever think you could be president? Yeah. So fucking every time, man, I do it every time. Um, but yeah, I said, hey, ask him, this will be a fun, bands, fun conversation. Ask him about their little legal defense. He wrote for his bitch girlfriend, calls people, try to get him fired, ask them, why, what do you think is about the rapist, the nature,

and stuff, fun stuff, fun. Cause people need topics, I understand, I run a five-kiss, softball question. Softball questions, softball questions. Otherwise, what are you gonna ask them about? He's done nothing in 10 years. What the fuck are you gonna ask the guy? How much, like, how many hairs do you have left?

Questions like that? I don't know. I mean, roommates you have? Questions like that? Anyway, I was on the show, and I was trying to promote their show on my Facebook, saying, hey, everybody I was on the show, I went on some really primo rants, too,

about God and about the internet, great stuff. Go listen to it. And I suggested that they ask why Maddox's girlfriend has a restraining order. No big deal. Go listen to it. Facebook. Locked.

I don't know what kind of world we live in. You can't call it Conta Conta anymore, I guess. I don't know. So I was banned from Facebook. So I couldn't comment on this Adam Nash stuff. He seems super sensitive. Well, this is what Adam Nash said on Facebook. You can blame Dick for never trying anything on the show.

His process for getting guests is, hey, call in. No coordination, nothing. He wanted to make me look like an asshole for not listening to his show. I hope he got what he wanted. It shows me his true colors. Then somebody says bad take, right? Yeah.

You're saying I have a bad take on how Dick runs the show. It's true. He is lazy as hell. He admits it on the Surnavitch episode. So this is, it was my fucking fault that his call went not as good for him as he expected it to. I wanted it to. Well, I wanted it to go good.

I saw him post in Facebook, I'm not listening to the show anymore. It's just a call and then say goodbye. Everybody, yeah, loves you. I have a shirt of you hanging in the studio. I like your memes and bullshit. It would have been great if he had a good game show to, or just shit on the show. Or anything.

You said you were shitting on the show, callin' and you got two weeks to shit on the show. Shit on the show then. That's it. Hey, Dick, you're too far up, you talk about your family to God damn much. None of us care. How about that? Hey, Dick, you drink too much on the show. How about how about paying a little bit of respect to the audience? Hey, Dick, you said you'd get how come what happened to the bikini contest?

How come you never do a rage lottery? How come the tickets are so much for road rage? December 2nd. You're doing so business. It's just so fucking easy. The bit is so fucking simple. Hey, hey, hey, you show. Calling and shit on it then. Because everybody loves that. Calling and shit on it then. Hey, Dick, you're using too much old material.

No one fucking cares how big your face, stop talking about our handsome Sean is. We get it, stop playing it up for the fucking audience. Think of something new. Yeah. You know? Hey, dick, your episode, right, I'm just really gotten down, gone downhill.

Since the show started, really getting lazy. Stop focusing so much on anti-SHAW. Stop playing a martyr so much. So what, you're off Twitter. I'm not on fucking Twitter because I'm busy working all day. Like every other real man in the world. You fucking pussy.

So I'm playing it up for Patreon money. You're a hell of a chill. You're shameless shit heel. I mean, this is, come on! Come on! You're two weeks! You take being able to do that for granted though, I think. I know we can do it.

I know the guy. I know he has it in him. Maybe I've seen his work. I think a lot of people think they have things in them that maybe they don't. Maybe they realize that it's maybe a little more difficult. Look, if he wants to call, he's lower than Clegg on the rage board now.

And Clegg is like a pedophile. Apparently. Or wants to be. Or an ebophile. What a lazy, this is a real shit when it's it's not comfortable all right that who would want to be lower than that I was an ebophile like a man like a normal no no I'm kidding um I think it's someone who's attacked attracted to like teenagers It's a different word. Oh, cuz kids. It's not kids, but it's like, it's still, still bad.

So there's a difference between 13 and 9, I guess, in the, in the, in the term of God damn well that there's a difference. Yeah, but I mean, like, yeah, but I mean, the terminology, the terminology, there's a difference. Yeah. Oh, no one wants to be lower than that. Yeah. So call in again, for God's sakes, have it, if you. So call in again, forgot, say,

have it, if you want to call in again, I don't want somebody to be stuck lower than Kleg. I get to shot for Christ's sake. Yeah, that's true. I like Adam Nash, but I don't know why he's, I don't know why it's my fault. Did he post that? Was that the first, did he start that thread?

Or did somebody go, you know, did somebody, now I think he's responding to a bunch of people left voicemails about it. Yeah. This is what somebody, Agra Gash says the evil scheming dick made him look like an asshole by giving him a platform to say whatever he wanted. Well, that, yeah, exactly.

That's, that's perfect right there. It's well said. Scroodle talent says, Hey guys, I used to love Dick until he made me look like an asshole. How did you do this, you say? He got me to call into his show and speak my mind. You know, sometimes, you know, like your dad said, you beat yourself.

Yeah, and then you might as well just a worse. You want to walk home. Yeah. You're just going to have to walk home after that. That is so lazy to just tell some random person who won't shut the fuck up about how bad the show is to call in and say what they feel, what a prick to make me do this. And now everyone thinks I'm a massive spurgiddy with bad opinions just because I said what

I felt. Fuck you, Dick, and Sean. And Reddit for pointing out how, I don't need to read that. Well, guess a little much. Okay. Lacey, will you really, will you read us some news, please? Yes, I will. So speaking of ebophobes,

nebophobes, files. A file. I'm afraid I'm even like Kevin Spacey. That's an example of an ebophile what I'm talking about. Because they're like 14, they're rather underage, but they've probably gone through puberty. Yeah. And it's like illegal.

And now, and wrong. Yeah. I like how you said it in that order. Well, didn't our Kelly do it? Can you piss on like a little, uh, Dave Sheppell said it's like, now she was 13, but she wasn't 13. Oh, look. I don't know.

Right. I have a life. All right, so keep up all the pissing and the... That's disgusting. All right, so Netflix is Kevin Spacey from House of Cards, amid sexual misconduct allegations. You know, that's, I'm so glad that House of Cards

doesn't have to put me through the ridiculous force that it would be for Kevin Spacey's wife to be president. When that, a woman was about to be president on House of Cards canceled. I thank you, Kevin Spacey, for preventing a real tragedy of having the US collectively discuss what a sick joke it would be for a woman to be present of the United even in even in pretend even in even in on TV Disgusting stupid. Thank you for taking one for the team Kevin Spacey. Mm-hmm So in a statement released on Friday the streaming service will not be involved with any further production so of that trash

Of the House of Cards, that includes Kevin Spacey. So I feel like what includes Kevin Spacey, the production. So he's cut off, but they're still trying to figure out what would be now show without him, though. I was going to be about her president. What's it going to be about her? Whatever. The MCR. Would you vote for a woman running for president? Would I? Yeah. I did. When? Ah! 2016.

Like, at Jill Stein. Oh. Now, Caitlin Jenner, did you write it in? Oh my God, Caitlin. Have you seen her lately? She's dating a 21-year-old. 21-year-old what? Transgender.

Cool. Cool, man. What a transgender. I'm a lady, cool lady. Woman. Transgender woman. So, a guy who's a woman now. Yeah. They were vacationing in Mexico two weeks ago.

Were they vacationing in somewhere pretending to be Mexico? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Um, so I played golf with that guy. Oh, you did? Really? Yeah, Steve Garvey and Bruce Jenner. What teabox they use?

Well, he was, they were hitting from the, the men's tees. Yeah. Back then. Yeah. Did you notice any difference in their, in their locker room talk, like their body talk, while you're cruising around the course? Uh, uh, you know what I mean? Like guys will drop, trying to be like macho.

Sometimes they're a little bit too macho and you think, so there's up with you, man, maybe your train's woman. No, they're really like Steve Garvey's super low key and really cool. And Jenner was kind of, he was kind of hyper. He was almost hyper. Oh, like a broad, like talking a lot. Yeah, I mean, he was just like a total affable guy

and he was talking about how much he likes clubbing. Yeah, clubbing. Yeah, no, there wasn't anything weird. I was, you know, it's just funny that like all these years later, that Bruce Jenner has become Caitlin Jenner and yeah. What does hair look like? Was it long short? It was kind of like how he had it for a long time where it was like,

I think it was, you know, it was long-ish overall, but not, you know, not down to like shoulders or anything like that, but it would have been, yeah, you know, like even if you see the pictures from like back in the Olympics, it was kind of like that. Do you make any dick jokes? You can tell he'd had some plastic surgery already though, as for, and this, we're talking, this is the 90s.

This is the 90s, but he had already had like some, he had had his like his eyes done or something, and there was always, there was always the jokes too, it was like. That's the average guy's fix. He's like, what the fuck, I'm a guy? I gotta get out of here. Yeah, people are always saying like, you know,

it's like he wants to look like a woman or something with those, and it was like 20 years later, it's like, yeah. Hmm. Anyway, interesting. Yeah. Interesting shanty. Yeah. Not really Interesting, Sean Taylor. Not really much, you know.

You got to toss out a solid, not funny, dick joke to guys as like a cup check. I know. Like that's a way to test and see what they got going on upstairs. Give them a little bit like that's what she said. Yeah. Toss me that wood, huh? Careful. And if they give a nervous chuckle, then that they're safe.

Then you know there, nothing, no secrets going on. Gotcha. But if they don't react to it, you think, I'm just going on with you. There you go. Okay. What's he doing? All right.

So, Netflix said, we will continue to work with the media rights capital during this hiatus time to evaluate our path forward as it relates to the show. The MRC is actually continuing on going investigation into serious allegations concerning Kevin Spacey's behavior on the set of House of Cards. Oh, I mean, he plays like a sexual deviant,

colligula type of figure. Is it not obvious that he is one? Like, like Andrew Dice Clay is like probably kind of a misogynistic asshole, right? Well, he's one of the ones that I think that they said he really became that way more when his character took off. Yeah. That was part of, he really, he lives at 24-7. And he lived it so much that he went back in time and lived it when he was much younger.

I guess. Yeah. Okay. That's. I guess. Yeah. Okay. That's what I heard. No woman president on the show canceled. That's the Illuminati dude. Yeah. There's ever any, yeah.

They pay these young men to fake allegations like that to put a stop to shows like House of Cards when these progressive types. Why Hollywood is, I mean, there have got to be so many people in Hollywood just just pissing themselves. Oh so many. I mean it's skeletons. It's incredible what the they are eating their own. Yeah, it's it's fucking beautiful. It is it's a beautiful thing.

It's great because that's nothing to do with the rest of the world. Right. And I hate them all so much. Yeah. Like celebrities and directors. Anybody who talks about that? Anybody who is in Hollywood? Like, huh. Yeah. Just just there's just so many terrible people there. Yeah. They're really are. And the new ones are now eating the old. Like now that the new ones are coming up, they know that they can get Max attention for their project. As soon as if they just, if they were almost raped by every like Kevin Spacey, I was almost raped by everybody check out my Netflix show, whatever. What was the other guy on that accused him of it? Stranger Things. No. Start. Oh, you're thinking of one of the kids. Anthony rap. Anthony rap. Yeah. He was in rent and stuff, I think.

Yes. Uh-huh. One of those kids on Stranger Things was represented by an agent who's now like, you know, I guess a known pedophile. Oh. So that was, I think that was the, is that where you were thinking? Because you brought up Stranger Things and I think that like just broke. I don't know, they all run together.

They try not to learn them so I can act confused when I hear about Fair enough. Okay, what's next? All right, moving on. A French Instagram model died after a whipped cream canister exploded in her chest. In her chest? Wait, what?

On to her chest. On to her chest. Oh shit. I've almost done that a couple of times. This is scary. A 33 year old French fitness model named Rebecca Berger died after a faulty whipped cream canister exploded in Strucker in the chest.

She was into cardiac arrest and died the next day. Her family uploaded an image of a similar canister to warn fans about the faulty product and explain that the canister was sealed. 10 guys in Mexico almost died in a coal mine, not in the news. This bitch on Instagram almost blows herself up with a confectionery. I mean, this is timely thanks giving's right around the corner.

Oh, okay. Okay. She like doing whippets or what's going on? What was she doing? No one said what she was doing, but the canister was sealed when it exploded and This has been happening. There's about 60 other accidents that would have been reported from the same We've cream accidents. Yes another guy had six ribs broken and a cracked sternum and they said that if it shot him The chest

He was down in the coal mine. Yeah, some just having a little tasty stuff. I mean, I know they're it's not a compressed But it's like shit. That's a lot, that's serious. And the canisters were pulled off the market in 2013, but they're still out there because people bought them. And yeah, so that's scary. Testing feet. Yeah. What's the brand?

They know and mentioned it. I couldn't find it. So just be afraid of all whipped cream. Yeah, right. I hate what cream. I'm making my own from now on. So it's not the whipped cream. Like the actual whipped cream, it's a canister.

That you put the whipped cream in and then decorate cakes with barf pies. Oh, wait, wait, what? So it's not the ready- It's not the ready-to-wit. It's not the ready-to-wit. Oh, no, no, no. A canister that you put whipped cream in

and then decorate a pie with it? Mm-hmm. I think this is something that's never gonna happen to me. Yeah, right. Right. Right. Safe. Save me at the bottom of my piles of things. This device. Right. All right. So be careful. Be careful. Playboy model gets sucker punched by her own boob. Oh, this is scary. Okay. So play by model Jenna Bentley became a fan favorite thanks to her 36 E natural breasts, but she's since reconsidered after a gnarly beach accident. Do we have video of this event? It's online. Yes. I mean, the average is not videoed,

but she is all over the place. Jenna Bentley. They're huge. I'll be the all of it. What's her name? They're not cursed. Jenna Bentley. They're huge. Mm-hmm. I'll be the judge of that. Oh. Jenna Bentley. As far as you don't know of her. 36 E. Now.

My alphabet starts at about the G area. This is when I start remembering names. There it is. I'm very. Let's see this. Now she's on Twitter. I can't see it. What was she doing?

Like writing a horse? So she had just started a new fitness regimen and she was running on the beach. Oh. Whoa. Oh, my. All right. She's gorgeous.

I think you're gonna remember her name. Jenna Bentley. Yeah, right. Yep. Permanently. Permanently. Permanently branded. Loctin-loaded. Oh my God, she got sucker punched by her own boob, huh? Permanently branded, locked and loaded.

Oh my God, she got sucker punched by her own boob, huh? Jesus Christ, Insta-Shon. All you have to do is type in Instagram.com and this is what you see. What, and that's all? This is why you should start in a count. Oh, please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nobody wants to look at my man's Instagram.

It doesn't have to be all about you. Pictures of just pictures of John Stamos with like smell lines coming out of him and devil horns. Blacked out teeth, a fucking lunatic. This is all you had to do to see this was type it in, Sean. Yeah. We couldn't, dude, we would dream of boobs like this. It's a different time.

It's a different time. Look at that one, then pressed up against the mirror. I don boobs like this. It's a different time. It's a different time. Look at that one, then pressed up against the mirror. I don't like that. It makes me uncomfortable to see women's breasts pressed against things, even if they're against glass. I don't know, because I get worried that there's something is harming them some way, because I'm such a white knight for women. They can't get out of this.

They can't get out of their terrarium. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm trying to. I don't like it if they're, I think, oh no, no, no, no, that's not what. Boobbs are not to be, they're natural and beautiful. They shouldn't be pressed against hard mechanical things. Right, to make like right angles.

Yeah, I don't want to see him at a right angle. I only want to see a, what am I trying to describe in math? A boob. A boob. A boob. That's all I want to see. Okay. So she got knocked out, sucker punched by her own boob. That is a bullshit story.

No, it's so true. Knocked out? Yeah, not. Okay. There's no way her own tits hit her. I look, I know exactly what these tits are capable of. They're not capable of a sucker punched. No, she says she was running and she went for a sprint and she went to jump over a wave.

And all of a sudden, she felt like she had an uppercut to the chin and a noctur into the water. And she got nervous because she thought she could be knocked unconscious in the water. And turns out it was her own boob. Sounds like an Napoleon dynamite. Oh, it sounds like this kind of story I would tell other guys if I was dating this girl.

Guys, you'll never believe what happened to my girlfriend. She was running so hard and then her own boob knocked her over and she thought she almost drowned pretty much. And then my friends would be like, are you a fucking idiot that you're telling? Just listen and don't repeat the shit that's like she just wants you to think about her tits. That's all it works. It did. And God about her tits. That's all it works.

It did. And God bless her for us. She got an article on Fox News. Good. OK, what else you got? All right, a scientist have found a hidden space in the great pyramid of Geesea. A secret room is lovely.

Oh, wow, that was almost a real feucy fuck up. There's the pyramid of guys. What it was. L.A. Phil and the adventures and the pyramids of Geyser. Stop. Oh my god. With Cadibe getting the expeditions. Be careful short-round.

Your tits might knock you out if you're not careful of the booby traps and the temple of Geyser. Okay, what happened in Geyser? All right, so the secret room, I'm gonna say it now. The secret room is located above a tall cathedral like room known as the Grand Gallery, and is about a hundred feet long. As of now scientists have no idea what the space contains or what its purpose is,

but they deem it worthy of exploration. It's a water pump. You fill it with wood and then burn it, and it burns up all the oxygen, and it sucks water in to displace it. And then they pull it to a a flap and then they irrigate. Why would people build anything? Why would they build big triangles for fun?

No, they, why would they build, why, how could you do that? It's people to build anything. That's a theory for a lot of engineers are saying like the vacuum would not be right. That's the they said the biggest problem is like that they wouldn't be able to seal it right. Sean, they said Trump had two percent chance of winning.

Yeah. Okay. You know, yeah, give me a break. Yeah. Right. Yeah. They saying walls won't work. Guess what?

Yeah. They work all day every day. Yeah. If I know one thing that works, it's a wall. It's a wall. Uh-huh. A pay wall. If I know four thing that works, it's a wall. It's a wall. A pay wall. If I know four things that work. Yeah, h3on.com slash the stereos. I got a song from Grant Mooney.

They got a point. Oh yeah. Oh. Engineers don't know shit. Yeah. If you ask them if something works, they always say no. And then it always works. Like that's why every engineer, yes, every single one, Henry Ford,

hey, I wanna build a single block V8 impossible. Okay, well I'm gonna do it. Well, it worked. Guess we'll just engineer, engineer how hard you can cram your thumb up your ass. But it can't be done. Well, engineers make stuff. Well, I mean, there's some engineers are gonna say,

like I'm gonna do it. Sean, Steve Jobs makes stuff. Nine engineers don't do shit. I have a Steve Jobs didn't write any of that. Visionaries, right? Like, he's a, engineers don't work unless you whip the fuck out of them. Well, that, I believe. Do it, you fuck it, idiot, just do it.

That's absolutely true. Like, engineers would have said, hey, can you go to the moon? Not possible. Yeah. JFK. Gotta get to the moon. Hmm. Well, he's to the moon. Hmm. What is, he's not an engineer.

No, okay. He just wants attention. He's a whipper. Yeah. Attention seekers know what we're capable of. Because they need to know. Yeah. If they fuck up too much, people will stop listening to them.

Yeah. Engineers, idiots. Yeah. Well, engineer, I always think of it as tax. I am for studio tax. Never met the exception to this, but I believe that by the age of 60, if not before, they should be forced into retirement because they are so fucking lazy. And I know IT guys are the same way. It's like, you're dead. Exactly It's like, oh, they're all fun. It's like, no, dude, you're too young

to be this much of an asshole. I know you're in this world, but you got to work. You got to give one person a, it's because they're told they're smart when they're kids. So they just think they're smart. It's bad. It's bad.

Yeah. It's bad. It's like, dude, you know, yeah, they stop doing their, by the time they're like 40, 45, they are not doing their job because everyone is a fucking idiot. And then they get to, they hang on until finally they get forced out, but they should absolutely not one of them should be allowed to work past the age of 60.

I think that's generous, but. Yeah, me too. Okay. So what at, in Geiza? That's all we got. They don't know anything about it. They should send a robot sexually. Shana Bentley. Check it out.

So you're going to whack or tits around, get through in some secret chamber, figure it out. That's what they're trying to avoid. They don't want to disrupt the pyramid. Oh, why? Fuck it. Every time, like, people always complain about those old statues getting blown up. Like, so, what is you, you wanna take more pictures

of it or something? Who the fuck, who cares? It's one of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Yeah, I saw it. I don't, we got pictures of it. Just take it apart. Take it apart. Right?

I mean, I kinda do wanna see it does assemble. Yeah, cut it in half. We just kind of cut it in fucking half and put a big thing a loose site right down the middle. Pretty cool, cross section. Yeah, cross section. Let's see what these guys were up to. Oh, there you go.

They wrote right inside. It's a big water pump. And here's Kentucky cock. Oh, I'm gonna see. Okay, what else do you got? All right, the red cross is into some deep shit. Yeah. Good. Oh.

They're full, they're bullshit. They are. They're bullshit. So on Saturday following an internal investigation, the Red Cross confirmed that 6 million Jews meant to fight the 2014, 2016. They're all safe, they found them. They missed places.

They went to another dimension. That 6 million meant to fight the Ebola crisis was stolen by the Red Cross workers and others from areas like Sierra Leone in Liberia. More than 11,000 people were killed from the epidemic as much as 2.13 million disappeared as a result of the... 11,000 people got killed? Yes. Because they embezzled?

No. No, it was from Ebola. Yeah. Oh, from Ebola. OK. Because they embezzled. Well, kind of like, did their money have stopped it? I mean, pro helped out as much as 2.13 million

disappeared as a result of likely collusion between red cross staff and employees at Sierra Leone in bank. The money was lost when they improperly fixed the exchange rate at the height of the epidemic. Oh, like Superman 3. Superman 3 did. Fix the exchange rate and then just pocketed the pennies. Very smart.

Smart guys. And then in Liberia, investigators found evidence of fraud related to inflated prices of relief items, payroll, and payment of volunteer initiatives. It's sad, it's terrible. And the world really fucks with you. Yeah, totally. The news, it just really stretches out your nihilism and your compassion until there's almost no person left.

Have you ever donated to the Red Cross? Oh God no. I've never donated money to anything. I always feel bad, because I want to. Except for Steve's to find more on you. They've had issues before. They have. Yeah.

I don't want to just send my money. Just send them bitcoins. That's what I do now. I buy a couple of bitcoins and then I email them. I send them to Africa. I write porous guy in Africa and I drop it in the mail. Yeah, it's like, yeah, well, it might help somebody. It turns out he has a PO box.

That's where my perception of the event ends anyway. So what does it matter? I heard that you should go locally with charity and not do, because as soon as they get too big, then their entire mission just becomes about getting attention, getting more donations for the house. I think that's true. I agree with that.

But then if you give locally, those guys will get big. So you can't win either way, better just keep it. Keep your money. Yeah. Well, if you're, you know, you got a good local politician, he's well on his way to be in corrupt, if he's successful at that level. So it's like, why do you, you know, don't support it. Don't fuck, fuck sick, don't support any good people, you know, who are thinking about

running for politics, you know, it's like, God, you don't want them to, that'll fuck them up. I don't think that we are able to feel about the tragedy like in Africa, like you're talking about 11,000 people to our way. I just don't think the mind can do it. Like I think you can feel about, like you can feel about your like a thousand people.

And then as soon as it gets too far below, there's like a lower limit to how much you can care about somebody suffering. Like oh, I haven't, yeah. My iPhone has been slow since I updated it. Like, wow, that really sucks, man. Like, oh, I had to kill a guy to get some water that might have diptheria in it.

And I'm like, oh, that sucks too, dude. Yeah, I mean, that's the lower limit. And anything below, like anything below, yeah? That sucks, man. Anything below that is just playing pretend. Yeah. You know, like if a guy ever says more than, yeah, that sucks. Like, what can you do? Then he's just making it up for attention. It's too big. I don't think we're too big. Just because the way we've evolved and our brains are, yeah, things on such a mass scale. To me, they're too fuzzy.

Yeah, they're too fuzzy. Like if an alien said like, oh, I'm, I just invented being immortal, and I'm gonna be immortal, I think like, oh, that's cool, I guess. There's an upper limit too, where it's like, oh, I got a new job. I got a promotion at work. Anything, huh? Cool? Good for you. How's that? Anything more than that? Also making a promotion at work. Anything, huh? Cool. Good for you. Have anything more than that?

Also making it up for show. Yeah, how excited. Oh my God, I can't believe you're pregnant. I'm so fucking excited that I get my head good for explode. Pretending. Yeah. That's all I'm saying.

Lower limit and an upper limit. I'm with you. I'm with you. What do you think about that, Lacey? Yeah. Not much. No. Hillary voter. What do you expect? Right? Oh, you lost twice then. No Hillary for president and no pretend Hillary for president. Try again. I mean, the news has picked up in the last week. News of what? Right. Yeah, federal investigation. Of what? What still do you think

Trump's gonna get in peace? It's not gonna get you Hillary though. You think that, don't you? No, I don't think that. I hope that. You hope that. Oh my God. I was on the edge of my seat last Friday. I couldn't wait for Monday because they were going to announce the names who was being indicted. Never gonna be trouble. He didn't do anything. It's getting close. Do you want, do you get in close? Okay, well let me ask you something. Do you think he did something and you want him to get caught or do you just want him to get caught on a technicality? Technicality. Well, or on anything. Like, do you want him to get caught? Like, do you think he did something

and you want him to get busted like alcapone on a clerical level where you're like, finally got you, you son of a bitch, you've been doing all this bad shit and we finally got you on something little. Or do you just hate him so much that you want him to get caught on like a minor flood? Where he's like, look, I try,

I just fucking try to do everything, but some guy, some guy did something kind of fucked and now they're being able to bust me on that. Different motivations. Yeah, which one do you want in the cold black and your cold black heart? Which you want. I want him caught. Do you show, do you think he did a bunch of bad stuff? I think he does, everything he does is terrible.

He's always doing bad stuff. What's one? Like selling all of our uranium to Russia? That was pretty fucked of him. They can't even use it. Ha! Ha! Why?

They just like it for fun. They collect it. Russia goes, it's Putin's mom. They've been chasing the dragon ever since Chernobyl. They just like it for fun. They collect it. Russia goes, it's Putin's mom. They've been chasing the dragon ever since Chernobyl. They just like looking at it. They like decorating their palaces in uranium. They're even too poor. I want it.

I also collected. Yes, he, this is, his freedom, his freedom is greatly impacted. If he is not allowed to build a nuclear reactor and it's, I don't want them to back yard. I think if we're selling uranium, I want a little more than I don't know how much. I want to have it all. And if somebody wants it, there's not that much.

Unless we're building a supernova machine to create more uranium, I don't think we should be selling it period. As long as Yosemite, the national park exists and isn't a strip mall, there's no reason to sell uranium. Because there's plenty of reason to sell fuck and that. We sold the uranium. Why aren't we using it anymore? What the fuck do we have any national parks?

Am I using any of those? Sell that first. It's true. A national park. Yeah. Sell it off. A national park. Yeah. Sell it off. Sell that to the Russians. We sold 20% of Yosemite to Russia.

You think that would go over well? We sold 20% of uranium. What do we need it for? A lot, kind of a lot, because it's not that much of it. I don't know, there's a little thing called nuclear power. That's why. Do you know that just a weird fact? You know, because there's not that much of it.

No, there was something like in Little Boy, the first, the bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima. Yeah. There was something like, something like 40 pounds of it, which was... Shitload. About 1% of it. They made a third one. They made a third one.

They made a third one. Did you know this? They filled it with copies of Maddox's book. Oh my God. But it's drop it on. It's like what a fucking waste. One percent, one percent of the of the uranium in Little Boy underwent vision. Still pretty big bang.

Oh, yeah. But the rest of it was just scattered uselessly. Well, that's the, that's the whole key of it. Yeah, trying to get as much possible. Yeah. Well, they've, well, they've, they've, pretty inefficient. How?

I mean, you know, yeah. But how to get it done? You know, they're not, no, really. No, really. It's really, it's a joke. Yeah, it's a joke. The missed the deadline. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, you don't care about the uranium stuff? What would you care about? If Hillary turned out to be a guy, like if she pulled her face off and it was actually Trump and he's like, I fucking, I did this shit the whole time. I do this shit for fun. I'm like 20 guys. I'm like, and then he's like just pulling off his mask for fun because he has so many

secret identities that are all famous, right? He's Christina Aguilera Mm-hmm. What would it take for you to not be with her? You don't know if she acted like Trump Okay Like if she had a great business that wasn't based on Political play paper play favors if she had something like that. She had a great business that wasn't based on political play, pay for play favors, if she had something like that, she built a great empire.

If she had beautiful children instead of hideous monster baby. Oh my God. Would that make you? If she could crack a single joke, if Hillary Clinton could make one joke, I would vote for her. And you know what? She would be president. If that bitch could have made one single joke successfully, she would be fucking president of the world now. And Trump probably would have been so upset he would have shit himself

to death on the toilet like Elvis. One joke. And that's why he was so confident. His all of his Roger Stone is all his not fun. Yeah, Jr. is like, aren't you worried at all that she's going to make one joke? He goes,, aren't you worried at all that she's gonna make one joke and goes, no, have you seen that? She's never made one joke in her fucking life. I promise you, not possible for her to make it. I think if she's ever fucking joke. She's ever said anything.

No, funny. You know, like Obamacrack jokes, Bushcrack jokes. Yeah. Like so many jokes. Yeah, like it's, because it shows, it shows you're not a complete robot. Yeah. Just to have one little, you know, even a bad attempt.

No jokes at all. Not even a funny shirt. I don't think there were, I don't think there were any jokes. All right. Is you got any more? No more related news. Okay, let me see. I've got some more stuff here.

That's my furry persona. What do you think Sean should be if he was a furry? A slob? Oh, a colabar. What, wait, I like doing the my colabar. I like the way I do. Cause they're cute. Cause they get highest fuck all the time.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, you coliptus. So that makes you high. In the amount, yeah, it's poisonous, but it makes you high. If you eat in the amount that they do, you get high as hell. Really? Yeah. That's why they're always moving around like they do. That's why their noses are so big. That part I made up. I didn't think they reacted to it like that. I think they were just, you know, they were just eating. Okay, let me read some comments.

Tim Johnson says, here's a rage that you may relate to and or have caused. When I go to a bar or an event and talk to people have a good time, but when people you know, cut you off from the conversation by body blocking you. In my experience, this isn't done on purpose, but these people don't understand that they have completely cut you out of what's going on by body blocking you.

The only alternative is to push through or walk away. I can't believe this doesn't ever happen to you. I don't know why, but I know this problem intimately, man. So much so that when I'm talking in a group and I see somebody sidling up, I always take a step back. Yeah, to make the circle bigger. To make the circle bigger. And also eyeball the guy that I just stepped away from to say you better fucking participate in this.

This is in an optional way like a baseball game. If you don't step back, I'm gonna come up crack right through the back of your legs. You're gonna get a forearm right here, nuts, right? Always gotta step back a little bit to make room. People don't do that though. I haven't thought about that. You're probably one of these guys.

No, I don't think so. You know that step back move? Well, you guys sidling up, step back. Step back a little bit. I just can't think of when it's happened. Happens a lot. Let's see here. Well, I mean, you go out and see friends and stuff.

That's the difference between you and me. No. Let's see here. Well, I probably don't mean you go out and like see friends and stuff. That's the difference between you and me. It's true. I don't know how you have a social life without drinking, to be honest. I don't. Interesting. Yeah. One, one sent me this. You remember one? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I remember him. He said I'm a pove of submit. I hate her So I fuck others B has big old titties. So I fajouk them what I think he's I think he should face well I guess I want to die and he's got a ha ha ha written 17 times Probably not a joke. Food fuck a Jew a juke. Fuck, tell Sean, I love him, spelled the UV. Sorry. He got that out clearly.

Sorry I said Faggot so much. He typed that out. Oh, this is like an apology kind of. But the people were a bunch of Faggot, and he took it back. Oh boy. So are you, but so am I. Not a self-loathing.

Yeah, yeah. See you, everyone is a Faggot. Asterios is the biggest one. He's the kind of nerd. I hate, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, then he stops. That's an interesting email. Full cannibal overdrive.

His hey, Dick friend told me to try emailing you about a problem I'm having. I'm in a position at work right now where I'm basically a paid scapegoat. Sounds like a good job. Expected to fuck up and be- Nah, just get blamed for stuff. Well, no, I know, but I mean, so-

It's just a dynamic thing. It's a stumbling thing. Yeah, who's faulting get blamed? Who's just gonna get blamed? I mean, don't even fucking that guy. Full canable overdrive. Stop, I did it. What was it?

That's me. Classic me. Classic fuck up. Yep. My boss is spineless and refuses to stand behind any of my decisions, even if he agrees with them. I don't have the power to fire or officially reprimand, but whenever I report on critical issues, he essentially throws me under the bus and says he has to reprimand the employee because of me, and there's nothing he can do about it. This happens a lot. Basically, this means all of my coworkers

have zero respect for me and are extremely resentful. Mm-hmm. That's too bad. My boss bends quickly to complaints and popular opinion. So I have to be very careful how much I fall into the role of being a villain or I would gladly go full asshole and accept the hire of everyone beneath me. It's a real thin line and I'm not sure what to do.

But the way I'm doing it isn't working. So I'd appreciate any advice. Love the show by the way, keep it real. Yeah man, you need to keep it less real. The less real that you keep work, the better you do. Yeah. It is not a time. You are not there to be you.

No, in fact, the world fucking hates you. No one will pay you money to be you. They will pay you money to be what they want you to be. And if you are, when you deviate from that, is when you have a bad time. That's right. So if you have to watch American Psycho before work every morning,

think about your videotapes. You just gotta find that spot that's not where you are right now. Mm-hmm. Yeah. To trick. You're an actor at work. You're an actor on a stage.

Sometimes you escape coat. Just gotta slug your way through it. Figure out how you can start turning people against your manager, because you can. You sure can. You think so? You got any advice for this guy? I've just seen it happen.

What have you seen? People turn their men or their fellow employees against... We're getting some manager. And they start fucking up. Just make a couple... Nobody wants to be hated. Sexual assault claims. You know, just kind of throw that around a little bit.

That's what's going on in this guy's mind. He's not liked. Yeah. Because the manager's taking all his like by blaming it on him. Yeah. You got to turn it back around subtly. Suttily, stay away from the truth.

It never works, it's poison. Just figure out what everybody wants to hear. Let's see what else we got here. Al Capone says, you know what makes me a rage, non-podcast supporting Fag, it's, oh my goodness. Oh jeez. Who call into complain about how they stopped listening because the show got boring and then they proceeded

to give an example of how it could be made better by playing a game that's that wouldn't excite a group of blind toddlers if it were made out of candy. I'm so angry, that was the worst possible thing I've ever heard. I would rather listen to the unauto tune tracks of Kim Jong-Un recording an R&B album.

Sounds pretty cool actually, in Spanish. I'll never get that time back. I hope Nash is going to Chicago, I had him Nash is going to Chicago because I'll fight him on stage for seven minutes. The seven minutes and 37 seconds of my life that he stole, I'll never get back. I wanna smash his face in like a retarded,

Lisby voice, his retarded, Lisby voice smashed my ears. Excuse me. YNFK, you knock the fuck in unconscious in Chicago. Okay. We get thread. Let's see about that.

We'll see who has the balls to bring that, to fruition. All right, let's do some voice mail. Oh, wait, I got some, I got Facebook news in a, in a, in a football fantasy roundup. Oh, football fantasy roundup. Even awfully quiet on fantasy football lately. Dude, the protest fucking took all the enjoyment out of that game for me. Oh.

They really did. Yeah. Like, I just, I watch them play now and I want all of them to lose. Like I want the whole league to lose. I just get nothing out of it. Yeah. Like give me a fucking break. What do you guys?

You make more than everybody watching, put like what? What do you, what, what the fuck, what do you wanna do? If you guys could pick one issue, one issue, you could fix it immediately, but you can't. Is that just me? That's just you. I don't think so.

One issue, we can't fix one thing. Can't focus on one thing at a time. No, it's everything. Well, how are we gonna solve it then? Everything's gotta be solved at once. Okay, that's how we build a house. You just throw everything, you take all the wood and screws and you throw it at a lot, and it's just entirely built all at once.

Maybe it is just me like the pyramids just like the pyramids. All right, I'll play this Facebook news. Hello, Dick and hello, Dickads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple of days. Top story this week is the Maddox Autism Chronicles, a Facebook page uncovered by Dickhead's Scott and Zuck unveils a series of posts about Maddox and his journey through autism. To most people, this page looks like another scumbag parent exploiting their small child and their disability for money and attention. But Dickhead's, it's a great opportunity to shoot out New York Times, Top 2000 author,

Maddox. An example of an autism chronicle is this post from November 2nd where Maddox was quoted as being hyper and he exclaimed in Walmart, penis is the same as weiner, it really is, this is serious, this is less the thick weiner of the United States of America, God bless America. And well, Dick heads take those posts from Maddox Autism Chronicles and they basically equivocate them to Maddox and it is a big phenomenon right now in the Facebook group. The second top story this week may violate my own. Did you hear what he's saying?

There's a guy that's coincidentally named Maddox, so I zautism. And he has an autism journal. They all make, they all pretend like it's, like it's armatics. That's very funny. I was distracted by the hiss Yeah, I don't know where that came from. I'll ask him to send in a better copy. I mean, it's so low. It is low Do you have it turned up? Yeah, yeah, it's just barely audible. Fuck here

Society of professional journalist code of ethics, but I'm too pissed to give a shit This story should be about Adam Nash. However, I am going to use my platform that I have worked tirelessly to earn to disavow this useless asshole. I cannot report news on Adam Nash because I have had him blocked for over 5 months. If I didn't have him blocked, I would never see any of the other quality posts because my feed would be consumed in his trick and shit bullshit. I'm not the only dickhead who has this about his garbage. Low energy phone call.

I am not the only one. You want goss? You want some fucking news? Well here's one. Fuck at a nash. This has been the Dixiel Facebook group news. Alright, a couple of dates. Okay, here's the fantasy football recap.

Lazy, you play fantasy? No, I do not So I don't start Too much protesting. Yeah dark road Welcome to the League of Dickheads fantasy football recap. I'm your host turd spurgasin. Oh boy Cool The Norse Vikings brutally pounded Sean Stone, winning by 43 points. This is a seven-week-an-a-row that Sean Stone couldn't get it up. If they could just not put music behind things, I really have to say, if it's hard to do,

you don't just put the voice on the music. Doesn't work, right? You need to carve it out. You need to carve it out. You need to carve it out. You need to carve out a foundation. Yep. You do. Manager Dick Masterson will try to get his don wet next week against Mama Cass's ham sandwich, ball fondleers, ended K Hunt punch's three

wins streak with newly acquired quarterback Carson Wentz leading the offense to a 22 point victory. The punch put up a good fight, but like a Japanese woman on a train, they couldn't help but get fond of it. The sick cuts and the red hot running back is Eekyle Elliott defeated Rape Zoo by 25 points. Elliott scored a whopping 40 points all in his own, giving Rape Zoo a taste of their own sotty me.

The New York Kikes took a big old 43 point shit on deregulate that ass. So what? The Kikes are now the only few top team in the League of Dickheads with six wins. Mama Kass's ham sandwich smothered the disappointments. And in 18 point upset, sandwich receiver, a Mari Cooper really laid it on Vic scoring 38 points. The disappointments will try to suck a little bit less against the ball fondlers. The Joe Paterno Daycare Center gave the runner-ups the old Sam Dusky treatment this week with a 31 point victory.

What? One-erups manager, Jamie Lynn Hughes, is used the second place, which will try for first next week against derigulate that ass. Good job, Jamie. Uh, okay, wait, a stereo's wants to call back in. Hey, stereo, is he there? Yes, he is. uh... okay wait a stereo so it's the callback in a stereo see there yes or do you really want to talk to me or do you want to do more mad at that shit

i don't think you supported my it what sorry how badly that when ha ha yeah that's my mistake I'm sorry. How badly that went. Yeah, that's my mistake. I'm sorry. Yes, you should be very ashamed now to continue playing by gate.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This song, this outro song is by Grant Mooney. It's called patreon.com slash hysterios. He's going to be in Chicago by the way, Grant Mooney. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go grab your tickets for road rage Chicago, December 2nd. At least you have anything to plug? Nothing to plug.

Nothing to plug. You look pissed off. No, I'm okay. I'm so happy. I look pissed. I think I associate Bing Hot with Bing Pistoff. I can't tell the difference. But no, I'm happy as a clam.

You got anything over there? You want to drop in? No, you're good. You want to talk about, you want to tell everyone about L.A. Phil? Jamie. I'm going to do that next week. You want to do that next week? You want to get meat fill?

Get some home. See what makes him tick? See why he's all over the place? Mysterious, you know what to work on over the. We're going to have a call in from LA Phil. Oh man. There's just nothing better. Who's LA Phil?

Yeah. That's the sweet spot. That's what I've been looking for my whole life. Who I've been looking for that question. It was a hard mistake to make. Get on the microphone if you're gonna talk, if you're gonna defend you ridiculous thing that you said.

Here else. I do not think that it was that bad of a mistake. Yeah. Everyone was laughing like it was. You heard me tell the story. Yeah. By the way, your accent of me is ridiculous. Okay, Sean, close your eyes.

That's what you can tell he's talking. It's so funny. Okay, if you can tell he was talking. Okay, Sean, close your eyes. That's what you can tell he's talking. It's so funny. Okay, if you can tell he was talking. Okay, what I said was not that ridiculous. To make, it was, I was very interested to know who is LA Phil. That is all. Okay, okay, dick, now you go. No, Jamie, Jamie, you don't have to close your eyes.

You know when you are talking. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was following and I was following. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Who do you think was talking there? Well, I thought you were gonna go after. All right, all right.

Let's listen to some voicemails. This is by Grant Monions. It's called patreon.com slash hysteria. So. You can access all my bits and all my stupid shows Did you hear that? I'll scream all my punchlines out So that you get the jokes I need a new house for my ex-wife Oh no!

Why you must subscribe! I'm a trium! Gotta go to the house! I've voted for Trump! Damn! I'm still a little bit tired go sub... I've voted for Trump. Damn. Oh, he's a genius! My son has a... You'll cut me into a cute Patreon. Got it, go subscribe. Got it, go subscribe.

Yeah. What song was that based on? I feel like I've heard that melody. It's a Pokemon theme song. They play L.A. Phil sometimes sometimes plays it at the Hollywood ball. If you're lucky at the Disney concert center, LA Phil will pick up his fucking harmonica. Okay, so here's why I don't think it was that bad of a mistake. It's because the only one I kept seeing was the one where the do with the cello. Was it? I don't know. You knew his name. the only one I kept seeing was the one where the, with a do with the cello.

Was it? You knew his name. Once I pointed out. Do the male. Okay. Do the male. You did the conductor. Yeah. Well, that's what they show is L.A. Phil

and then they show do the male because he's like the hot shit conductor. She's the one with a cello though. She's making that shit up to make it look like it's not as dumb as it is it was. Well anyway, but that's what I was saying was that the blue poster with that specific guide, I saw it like seven. Yeah, you're like, this is LA Phil. Yeah, this is like, but it's not be. But here's like Dr. Phil, but he's LA. Yeah, here's where he's get go. Here's

where he's in and made it. He made me feel like an idiot because I was so focused on that poster that didn't notice all of the other ones that also said L.A. The Asian woman with the... But the Asian woman on that poster for her sitting, she was first and then the blue one was L.A. Phil on it was behind her. first and then the blue one was Ellie Phil on it was behind her and I didn't even see it. And so he turns around and says that. And so I had to just be like, oh wow. How did it feel though? When your whole world came crashing down and you was like a snap suit. Wonderful.

I love that. All right, I'll place in voice mail here. Hey, Dick, me, the captain. I haven't listened to the new show yet, but the Dick had done Facebook claim that Adam Nash called him. By the way, I've had him Nash blocked the town with a sack. I don't know how it looks like I. The shit posting even sucks, but let's start the point. If he really called in to say they showed sucks, he can shut the fuck up. The show is fucking biblical. Every week, you just go on a fucking comedic rant

and I enjoy it every week. Sometimes they call it suck, but hey, it's not their fault that they suck. All right, so I'm getting really fucking pissed with this shit and I might have to throw some throwing some spice and these news bits because I'm sick of people on the Facebook group crashing their show that a lot of people but it's some it's piss me the fuck off all right I think you have the best news babes. Babes.

Yeah, you're right. I think so too. Do you want to enter Larry's jerk off contest? I don't see that. I don't think that my voice would be the kind of voice that it sounds like. Why? It sounds like...

It sounds awful. Nobody likes their own voice. Who doesn't want to jerk off to a chick version of George W. Bush? Oh, well, I can't be fooled again. Can't be fooled again. Talk about the axis of evil. Right? What else do you think?

Okay. Hey, Dick. So I feel like the guy that called in about the show being boring was sort of right, but I can't quite bring myself to agree with him because he sounded like a huge bag of, and I would rather put a bag of dick to the blender and drink the resulting soup and listen to him dribble on for 10 more minutes. Yeah, you know, that is quite an image. Oh, that's fucking disgusting. You know, you can win that, that's the thing about triumph.

You gotta let people get as much, you gotta let them get as much lead as possible. Uh-huh. And then sometimes they just disappear. And you're like, well, I guess, I guess that something fucked up. But then sometimes they'll just shoot right into space. But you got to give them lead. Is that is my hand gesture of a karate weird karate chop making that clear to you, Sean? Yeah. Okay. So I was just listening to the episode where Adam Nash called in.

Oh boy. You know, I've never done the podcasting thing before and I'm no expert. But if all your fans who call in are giant faggots, you might want to try sticking to real guests. Oh no. This Adam Nash penciled it pretty much criticized you for having a boring show. I then perceived to make the next couple minutes of the show, the most impossible to listen to when the show's entire history.

It's too nice to your fans. Personally, I would stop giving them a platform to ruin your show. That's why I decided to play the... See you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, this one isn't about Adam Nash. I don't want to be I don't want to pile on the guy You know he was excited. I know he was excited about calling in. I'm sure I thought it would be good. Yeah You know things don't go always expect them to go

But I'm done. I'm not I don't want to pile anymore The fucking Facebook caller and his stupid alphabet game god damn what a waste of time I would have rather Play a game of connect for that stupid alphabet game Anyway, keep up the good word battleship. Go fuck yourself. See you next Tuesday. Okay. Thank you. Thank you I really liked madame Nash Yeah, I think that my favorite alternate Nash was Adam panash Oh like a fancy Adam Nash.

And do you believe I've got a very pretty fantastic game for you to play. He has, he has, there's an Adam Panache account with a, one of those funny hats like the sideways. Yeah, gangster hat. Yeah, what are those called Fedora? Yeah, Fedora. No, Fedora is, you can't put a Fedora sideways really. It's all around.

And all I'm saying is that what you would be interesting to get a call in from Adam Panache as well. Hi this is a suggestion for Dick Masterson. This is Dr. Footote-Bowell. I'm calling because I have the results of the cancer screening for the DIC show Facebook group. Kind of unprecedented. This is a level 8 terminal autism cancer. Oh, what? Not really sure how that's possible. I'm not really sure if it's the autism that's causing the cancer or the cancer that's

causing the autism. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. What do you saw first? I saw this kind of wotted up together. I mean, I can't really tell where the cancer starts and the autism ends. See?

That's what I was talking about with the protest. First treatment goes, just, just, just start somewhere. Kill a fire. Just, please. Kill. Kill a fire. Thank you. Okay. Dodgers lost. Dodgers lost. somewhere just please kill kill him with fire thank you okay

dodgers lost dodgers lost dodgers lost dodgers lost dodgers lost cuz they're pitching fucking sucks dodgers lost dodgers lost dodgers lost dodgers lost dodgers lost dodgers lost asros are the winner fuck yourself oh man Texas hurry

I can't wait you shut the fuck up I can't wait. I hope they get hit with the hurricane before we get another Oh no. Before we get an earthquake. Look, I'm not causing the hurricanes. It's gonna happen again. I just wanted to happen Before that quick. That's that's all that's all I'm saying. Figure your shit out. It's uncalled for. How hard is it to stop a hurricane? I don't know. Can't someone just claim they were almost raped by... We could lock them up for a commercial claim that won't work. Yeah, exactly. Let's just stop a hurricane.

Build a big wall, like a thousand feet in the air. And then see, that won't work. Like any of you stupid engineers know any of you. Build a big wall, like a thousand feet in the air. And then see, that won't work. Like any of you stupid engineers know anything. You just know what has already happened, and what was read in books. Like if you asked an engineer, hey, if I dropped his ball, and he doesn't know about gravity,

if I dropped his ball, I bet it'll go shooting down towards the floor. They'd be like, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Don't even bother. I'd be like, well, I listen to the engineer and I just went home. I just wanna see the scenario in which that happened. Yeah, like an engineer mind I got.

Yeah, well it'll happen if I drop this. Nothing. Why would anything happen? Don't be dumb. Don't waste your time. I'm an engineer. I need all the time in the world to think about how things won't work. Get fucked. I just wanted to point

out that the only two times I wore my Dodger shirt that I got, they lost. Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah, Jamie, thanks for. I'm never gonna let's all think about chamois shirts. Yeah, actually. Yeah Okay Hey, this is Mike from Canada What makes me a rage is handing out Halloween candy the other night? I fucking open the door and These kids fucking stand there and don't say anything like What the fuck you gotta say trick or treat say something? Yeah fucking anything say something What the fuck happened to kids they're texting I don't yeah that makes me rage. I had to fucking

Guide them through it. I'm like what do you guys say and they're like, please just go around and you dress up, somebody opens a door. You don't talk to strangers, because the guys, you know, so just, you hold it out and you hope that he doesn't yank one of you inside and molest you or something, right? Is that what's going on in this day and age? Or you hope he does.

Can't talk to anybody, oh, this depends, I don't wanna knock on. That's what the guys hobby. He or she, that's what they look like. Well, okay. Um, cause they're afraid. Well, now your kids are afraid of messing it depends. I don't want to knock hands with guys hobby. He or she that what they look like. Well, okay. Cause they're afraid. Well, now your kids are afraid of messing it up. Even at that age, the parents are like,

don't fuck, don't say it wrong. It will reflect badly on me as your parent, who's who who fucked up everything in their life. So now you better not even slightly mess up. Don't remind me of what a gigantic failure I am. And fuck up this trick or treat. They do do that though. They mess it up. The guy just wants a clean interaction for once. Yeah. Showing up. He's got he that guy was all excited. He bought his candy. I'm excited to to give kids things. He probably doesn't have any kids.

He just wants to be a cool guy and give out some candy. And all the kids had to do to live up to his fantasy was say, trick or treat. Yeah, three fucking words, three fucking words. And they get there and they just shit their pants at the last yard and he has to do all the work. So he might as well have just been both sides of it. He might just be fantasizing about giving children candy on his couch and eating himself.

And eating himself. Yeah. Eating himself into a fucking coma. Yeah. Might as well. Might as well. He'll never be nice again. It's gonna change him forever.

Yeah. Did you have trick or treaters? I wasn't here, but I did. I saw them as I was driving away. Yeah, and I thought, what a bunch of fucking losers. She threw a handful of quarters out the car when I had them just held up. You didn't stick like a dish out with candy

for them to pick up? No, I turned my porch light off. Yeah, I'm not going to go to home. I had little index cards that I wrote advice on. Like, take your parents credit card and buy bitcoins. Underline, underline bitcoins twice. That's number one. He was too busy twisting his ankle.

Oh. Now, I went to a party down the street. He was too busy twisting his ankle. Oh. I went to a party down the street. Don't fucking be worried about what I did with my ankle. You told everybody last week. Yeah. Um, advice cards. That's what I gave out. I did the prime permission again.

Again, I called fishers while people go and place with the rest of the other bullshit anyways that's not a rich for you and people who can't figure out a fucking answer a phone call after texting you or whatever like oh hey let's organize a group of people going out to you to attack to each individual person

no you know i'm just gonna call you and we can figure out what we're gonna go call no answer you fucking texted me literally twenty seconds ago what did you do with your phone where the fuck did it go maybe they're in a place that the dog actually with fucking family members like oh hey mom has some stuff you want to talk to you about okay give me a call nothing yeah I've text you recording sessions not gonna answer the phone call back like 20 minutes later oh hey uh what would you call about by the fucker I call about what

you were just fucking texted me about where the fuck did you go? God damn it. Alright, yeah, I'm going to some family shit now, so this will be fun. These brothers, thanks again for the show. Go fuck yourself. Uh, that's like, that's on you, man. Totally. That's like a, someone calls you text somebody and they call you and you just kind of have to look away from your phone. Oh, they're pushing their face right under the water. Get away from me. Okay. Something with that, the phone just delete,

delete, delete, delete. The phone takes care of that uncomfortable exchange. I do that all the time. Ignore it. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You're text only. Totally.

What are people text you? It is more more efficient what do people text me about yeah? I mean really what are you what are you turning them down? What are you turning down calls for? Because I don't want to talk on the phone. Yeah, yep It is yep It's about the worst way to communicate All right, I hate the phone. No, the text is. Yeah, well, I don't mind that so much.

You text and then, I don't know how many fights I've seen my parents get in or my dad's just like, just fucking call them. Call them and explain. Call them and explain what to do. And I was like, no, no, no, my dad goes, give me the number then. I'll call them.

I'm just like, no, no, no, just, I'm just gonna text her where the where the spare key is. I always fuck it up. They always fuck it up. Two second call. They always fuck it up. Rough start. You know what, I'll make me a rich girl's in there.

Late teens, early 20s, who call themselves alcoholics, like they're the female equivalents of the mayor of Fondown. Yeah, you have seven shots of tequila on a Wednesday night. Shut up. All right. Okay. That is the, I feel like that's the response that's getting stifled a lot.

Yeah, when anyone's excited about anything, there's just like 10 guys not doing anything that in their minds are thinking, hey, can you just shut up? Yeah. Can you just shut the fuck up for a second about being an alcoholic, about being the most diseased, written person on the planet.

I have OCD and I'm an alcoholic, and I'm just like afraid of, I'm so nervous, I can't even drive. Which is why you have to drink. I get so sore, I can't sleep. Everything, every single ailment on the face of the earth. Yeah. I guess I'm just weird like that. I guess I'm just weird.

Yeah, that's a good one. I'm just weird. That's a good one. Oh, man, shut the fuck up. Shut up. Shut up. Hey, Dick. It's Randy's long lost cousin Akira.

Oh. I have got a rage for you. It's fucking making over easy eggs. Never have like a sandwich with like a nice like over easy egg on it or like a piece of toast. You fucking take a bite into it and then like that yolk just like dribbles all over everything. It's like, ah, that's good fucking sandwich.

I fucking love that shit. But when you're making the fucking egg and you're like playing fucking art surgeon, trying to get the fucking thing flipped. Never worth any layer. Never fucking words Whatever fucking shit protecting the nutrients in the middle You're trying to flip that over and just get that other layer. It's impossible. It's a little bit I mean get it finally get underneath You flip that bitch over destroyed and you're like I got it. I got it and then

I can see it just a little fucking people of all that good ass you all of it leaking out over the plan Like a mother fucker turning into just regular eggs scrambled eggs Fucking angry I'm making a leg. I meant to do it. I meant to make scrambled eggs. You cock. And every time you do it, it just gets a little bit harder because you're more and more fresh. It never gets good. You never get good at it. And every pain is different. Anyway, go fuck yourself. And you get so pissed off you just flip it onto the counter Wow, fuck it and go to Denny's and go to bed. Yeah, go to bed. Yeah, you're one of these days I'm gonna flip a fucking fried egg and just throw the pan through the goddamn television and go back to sleep You fucking over his head smash Wasn't easy at all. No done with it Fucking done with it.

Fucking done with it. I couldn't do that to save my life. I couldn't flip an egg. It's a completely random, every time. I don't even hope for it anymore. I just get it. Get up and, I don't know what it is. Phinesse.

That's the trick. And every fucking time, every time, flip it up. Well, it didn't flip all the way. So now I've got a smushed up egg that's leaking all over the place. I could lap it up like a dog or I could just stare at the blood of my delicious breakfast spoiling in the pan leaking all over the place.

Do you want to flip an egg? I do, but every time I encounter a new pan, I get, I have to take a moment. So it's the pan. It's definitely. It's spatula. You got to air flip it. For sure.

Spatula, it also should be the egg. What the fuck are you using? Just a pan. You flipping it like it's not- Why are you doing that? Because it looks cool. Yeah, but you toss it around. You can't get it in your flip it.

You toss it around in the pan and then you loo bit up. Not good, but enough. Just barely enough. That's a little loobing tip for you. Less than you think. As soon as you think it's looped enough, you've gone too far. Air flipping is a great technique for cooking a lot of things. But I don't think over easy access easy eggs is one of the greatest. I think a spatula is, how you're supposed to do it. No, because the spatula always stabs it.

What? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. How do you do it? How do you do it? You need a good spatula. Every time I've done it, I've used a spatula. How? And just flipped it over quickly, but low.

With the egg wiggling and jiggling around in there, and half of it unhooked uncooked. How's that? Stick a spatula underneath. Yeah, you do it too. Yes. I've done the air flipping. I didn't know you could do that.

I thought you had to flip it in the pan because I've tried to use a spatula and it just gets off, it just tears it right in half as well. That didn't fucking work. Maybe it wasn't quite cooked on the bottom. Right back into the pile with that. It's got. Maybe it wasn't quite cooked on the bottom. Right back into the pile with that. It's gotta be, it's gotta be cooked on the bottom. Little bit, I mean good enough to. Like you're flipping a hamburger.

No. He's right, he gets screwed up every time. It gets screwed up every time. I use the spatula every time. But the thing with the air flipping and why it splats, you have to catch it and go go down with it yeah you got a yeah like that's a good yeah like catching a football yeah yeah I'm gonna try this spatula not since you guys are talking about because I hate fucking up

those eggs you know spattening okay one more what's up dick uh ck from man. I got a fucking rage for you. Noisy, squeaky, fucking windshield wiper, man. Yeah. Yeah. Like, what is the fucking, why do they make them so shitty? I'm paying like $20, $30 for fucking windshield wipers.

That's annoying. I know it's a lot of fun. Not that we use them out here much. You know, it's a lot of cash and they just fucking de-sweak. Yeah, why are they noisy? It gets to the point where they're so annoying that I have to like, switch the fucking knob and try to make it like not, you know, go as fast all over the fucking windshield just because I don't want to hear how fucking loud it is. And I just get to the point where it's like, I'm just gonna turn my windshield wipers off. That's all over the fucking windshield just because I don't want to hear how fucking loud it is

And I just get to the play where it's like I'm just gonna turn my windshield wipers off I'm just gonna drive in the rain fucking do the car. I don't care because my fucking My problem anymore with lubricating like if you've got soap in it. Oh really? Yeah, don't be shootin' on there. Usually got some So fuck those squeaky windshield wipers, man. Yeah, go fuck yourself. Can we have a Chicago? Yeah, that's going to be good. So, Lou bit up, you're saying? Lou bit up. All right, I've got a present I forgot to give you, Sean.

Somebody sent it in. Oh, yeah? Yeah, here. It's way, this is from LouSos. Oh, that's cool. It's from Muscle Shoals. Sound. All right, which was not a joke, Presence. No, thank you.

Good. That's cool. That's about time we get some of those. I said, hey, Dick and S-Redacted. I'm a long time listener from Down Under. Thank you for lighting up my Tuesdays. Here's a little token of appreciation. Fresh off my printer, the TDS Facebook group,

he says, this is Sean Simon. I'm gonna open these if that's all right. Well, here's yours, Sean. I don't know what it is. It's some kind of little cube in a toilet paper. I see. Okay. It's a little weird.

I hope there's a good reason for that. Looks like soap. I was going to say it looks like soap. Looks like a little bar of soap. Is that what it is? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, I know what these are. Be very careful with this. If you hold it up to a light,

it will shine through and look like your face. Oh, yeah, because I can tell this is me. Can you hand me that flashlight? It will shine through. Oh yeah, check this out. Does it, can you tell? Yeah. That's fucking cool.

Yeah, how about that? That's pretty legit. Hang on, do mine. Okay, here. She just put it on my chest. That was an accident. Don't believe him. I's it trying to look for it? That's gonna be 14 years from now.

That'll be all over Twitter. One time he's trying to flash like right on my chest. That's fucking pretty cool. I had never felt, yeah, yeah, let me see it. Whoa! Cool. That's cool. That's cool.

Eat. All right. How do you make that? That's cool. That's neat. All right. How do you make that? That's cooler. This is 3D Print them. You 3D Print them and then it's just when you get just the light. Yeah. 3D Printing, it has all the shading and everything.

That's awesome. Oh, I even know where this picture is from. Probably Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think so. Yeah. All right, cool.

LinkedIn. Thanks, guys. See you next Tuesday It's yeah, or I cool LinkedIn. Thanks guys. See you next Tuesday. Get you get your road bridge Chicago tickets. If you want to see the the scat show down of the century. Lisa, you want to plug anything? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you mean, L.A.? What are you talking about, your news? Everyone likes your news. Just now when you talk about retarded guys getting shot, that's a little bit of a bummer. What?

And how about you hate cops hitting on you? And how about you hate cops, yeah. You're very L.A. You're a little bit L.A. You should date L.A. Phil. Oh, you, you, you and L.A. Phil should hook up. He's ultimate L.A. Is that L.A. You should date L.A. Phil. She's doing L.A. Phil should hook up. He's ultimate L.A. Is it? L.A. personified.

No, he's not available at all. That's how L.A. He's never been available. He was a child. He's a mythical creature. You're good news today. I did. I was happy with my news. No Trump tweet stuff, huh? What do you think about that?

Were you like, yeah, go get it. When his account was deactivated, I thought it was hilarious. Oh yeah, hilarious. Oh, hilarious. Oh, hilarious. Let's lock him in the bathroom next. That'd be so hilarious. I mean, that's just epic. His bathroom next. Oh, I mean, that'd be so hilarious. I mean, that's just epic.

His Twitter account. Oh God. He thrives on that. Living dies. I bet. Well, yeah, he's the president. He's trying to make things better for us. Ah, but you say he's the president

like all previous administrations have lived and died on Twitter. Right, exactly. Nobody fucking twit. I don't even think Obama tweeted it. No, he did. He did died on Twitter. Exactly. Nobody fucking tw- I don't even think Obama tweeted it. He did. He did a couple times. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, he did a few. You know, be funny if while he's talking to like Kim Jong-un, like AT&T, someone at AT&T just cuts his wire, makes him look like a real asshole. Right? Like, he didn't pay his phone bill. Yeah, I know. I'm, last day's tomorrow, I'm just gonna shut fucking trump's phone off fuck them that'd be hilarious rex fuck rex tellers rex tellers i'm sending all of his bags to

to ockland he's gonna have to wear the same suit the whole time he's in the middle east what a dummy he's gonna look like a real asshole. That'll show them. I really fuck them over. Not me. Oh, man. I hope they hang that guy. As a trader. Yeah, I really do. I just like a hang. Yeah. I hope they find him that Facebook guy. Like, oh, yeah, man, that's, uh, that's treason. Okay. Well, what do I, what do I, what do I, I pay a fine to that? No, we gotta kill you.

We're hanging you. On Twitter, it's gonna be a live, we're on GAB. Oh, there you go. It's gonna be a live GAB, man. I'm gonna host. Yeah, I'm gonna host. I'm gonna be jacking off in my underwear

with a bowl of pudding. It's good, God. Eating the pudding or into... Never mind. Which one would you prefer? Which one did you hope? We've been on too long. Yeah, we have.

Ah, fucking guy. There's a guy just walking around. Yeah, I should trump up for 11 minutes. Look at me. Could be a woman. Could be a, you don't know. No, we don't. Could be.

Could be a trans. Harvey Weinstein. Could be Harvey Weinstein. Yeah. I'm sure they're male femin No, we don't. Could be trans, hard to wine steam. Could be hard to wine steam. Yeah. I'm sure they're male feminists, whatever they are. Was that a red flag for you? If a guy says he's a male feminist? No.

No. You've got to out for that. Watch out for those guys. Plays me. I feel like I want to give you a lot of drunk advice every time you're in here. Snakes in the grass. You know what the base says what you've said

about the guys that you like, I believe it. From you. You believe what? That she would like a male feminist. Do you like a male feminist? I mean, not if he was like super aggressive with it. Anything like what? Male feminists aren't that aggressive about anything.

Yeah. Like she's fucking it. If he wasn't too aggressive about it. If he wasn't too aggressive about it. If he wasn't too aggressive. That's all he talked about, of course I'd get. How else would you know he's a feminist though? If he wasn't talking about it all the time. When they're doing that all, that that would strike me as incredibly condescending though.

It is very. Like they're patronizing. Yeah. All right. This is turning into the view. See you next week. Goodbye. Back next week with LA.A. Phil.

Did you hear that, Asturios? Okay, I think L.A. Phil may be rubbing off Jamie and her Lacey. What is the, Jamie, can you get in her camera please? Sit behind her. You don't need a microphone. What is the, what is the name of your. What is the name of your Instagram account? You can find me on Instagram as Lacey Lotties. L-A-Y-C-I-L-A-T-E-S.

That's spelled again, sorry. L-A-Y-C-I-L-A-T-E-S. Like L-A-Y-C-L-A-T-E-S. Like Lacey and Pilates Like Lacey and Pilates. Lacey and Pilates. Take the P off. Take the P off. Yeah, switch the C in the Y.

What do you probably like Pilates poses there? Yeah, everything. Inspiration. Like one of these. Oh, wait, that's yoga. That's yoga. I don't like it. One of these. You're. One of these.

You want any of these? You already got bar and... Inspiration, like what? What kind of inspiration? You notice motivational quotes. For people? Yes. For women?

No, no, for bulldogs. It's going to sleep here during the day. How come there's not a... How come there's not an inspirational Instagram account for dogs? I'm sure there is. You can see. Yeah. That they would like. That they would like. How come there's not an inspirational Instagram account for dogs? For bulldogs. I'm sure there is. You can see. Yeah.

That they would like. Like they would like. They would like to eat bowl of food and it's like, if you wait around, you're like antelopes. So you can go, run up and bark at it. Yeah. Yeah. Finally. One fucking frame.

That's Tesla. Yeah. Like inspirational. Like, can you read some of your inspiring quotes? No. Why? Why do you want people? Why do you want people to go there? I'm gonna be in a park.

What do you mean? I only want people to succeed. Yeah, okay. Okay. Some bikini pics. Yeah. Whoa, that's inspirational. Yeah.

Butt pics. I saw that. He's like, is that me? Who I saw that. Who is it? I found an Instagram account called but pillows and it's all just pictures of butts. You're just like I didn't post just did I? What kind of inspiration? What's the most recent inspirational post you got the most recent? Yeah. oh, yeah. Don't skip the struggle. Do not. Do not. Skip the struggle. That's it.

No, then I said something. What did you say? I said, a strong work ethic was instilled in me by my parents at a young age, and I strived daily to make it my most defining personal characteristic, find strength in the struggle. Okay.

Like, you just look at this. And chicks like a shit on it. You want to shit on it so hard. A chick will read that and go like, sh** on it. You want a sh** on it so hard. A sh** will read that and go like, yeah, me too. For sure. Empowering women. And then what is she do with that? Does she like post it?

No, I mean, that would be nice. Like a different version. No, no, no, right. Ray post. Ray post. I reposted that meme. Good. Positivity.

Positivity. I'm all about positivity. Good for you. All right. I had an inspirational quote on my Instagram the other day. Okay, that's enough. That's enough of that shit. Goodbye.

See you next week. Goodbye. See you next Tuesday.