The Dick Show - Episode 77 - Dick on Unimaginable Stress

Episode Date: November 20, 2017

The LOLSUITs against me build on multiple fronts, I find a smoking gun for the first biggest mistake in the universe, Sean and I attempt to imagine the unimaginable, wearing jeans at the beach with no underwear, having to poop while you're camping, Peach sends in a jass number, the file-a-lawsuit kit, using fancy words to show off, paying half attention, Mister Metokur makes a video about the lolsuit, the 867-5309 joke, losing a frisbee, full-bone hangovers, a young man's first BTFO, stealing people, and I give an impassioned plea for Maddox to give up on entertainment and leave Los Angeles to for his own well-being. How's that for irony? All that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yeah You want dig you need dig you love dig cause the only show or everything is a contest. Come into your life from a concrete bunker in the side of a mountain deep in the heart of the city of failure. Your host, your regular host dick couldn't be here today. This is your new host. John Smith. So any lawsuits of anything that happens related to this show, you can make

them out to me. Plaintiff John Smith, defendant John Smith, the 20 million dollar man. John, you can be John Doe. John Doe is what I meant. I'm an anonymous, the only podcast hosted by an anonymous man. It's a big show with me as always, is Sean. Bits sued by anonymous woman. He sued by an, oh, that's a court case of this century. And the anonymous man, the invisible man sued by the imaginary woman. Right.

Coming to a court room, coming to a ridiculous court room near you. Yes. Oh my God. What a disaster. Yeah. As if anything else could make me a rage, right? Right. What am I going to come in here and talk about? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It makes me a rage. Parking tickets. Yeah. Parking tickets. Yeah. You know, it makes me a rage. Negative self-doubts. Yeah. It makes me a rage. What makes me a rage is $400 million

lawsuits hanging over everyone's head. That's just meant to embarrass people. Yeah. Well, lawsuits that make absolutely no sense. Accuations are filed indiscriminately at everyone, at no one unrelated things are just thrown into the mix like garbage, like a bad bloody Mary. Yeah.

Overcomplicated bloody Mary's what makes me rage. That's actually a good one because I used to be, I used to love bloody Mary's. Yeah. Cause it's a great morning drink. It is a great morning drink, man. But if you go to most places, get yourself a bloody marine. They're terrible. You're gonna get up.

There's gonna be a cheeseburger hanging off the top of it. There'll be a hoagie, a grinder. I know. Like an octopus. There'll be a hamster and a hamster wheel. Yeah, it's kind of like a salad bar with booze. Yeah, you know, they put a lot of shit in there. It should just be a glass, though,

with a red substance that fixes everything that's wrong with you. God isn't that the truth. That's what a bloody Mary should be. And I fucking need one, because I've got the hangover crept into my bones, man. Is that right? Oh, I actually had to.

You sound pretty good. I sound good because we had a nice old chat with Mad Cux before the show. Yeah, we did. So it sounded funny and excited. I've got that laughter, chemicals spreading around in my body, but it's in my bones now. Oh yeah.

I've got a glow in the dark skeleton like blight from Batman Beyond. You turn out the light. I'll be a little skeleton over here dancing around. A little green skeleton. Yeah. Do do do do. Sean, dancing around for you.

Mm-hmm. I'll play my ribs and I'll make bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb What a bonus episode. Yeah, that we recorded. Yeah, I think so. Great bonus episode. Check it out at patreon.com slash the Dix show. The Patreon is up to insane levels. Yeah, really is. It's like 23, 24,000 dollars. I just saw this morning actually. Unreal. Well, this, I mean,

and I'll tell you, thank you to everyone who donated because you know that you know that now Maddox has filed a ridiculous, preposterous, poorly spelt, poorly written with poor grammar incorrect usage of apostrophes. This is a, this is a writer. This is a writer. It uses apostrophes indiscriminately. All over the document. There's an apostrophe. Oh, it's like he was running, he's had to store his,

he was like getting busted in a Coke deal. But except it was apostrophes. I gotta hide these apostrophes somewhere. Let me just put them all over this lawsuit. It was like a laying on sign felt when she wouldn't stop using exclamation points. It's so badly and stupidly written, Maddox's lawsuit against me, hysterios, tab, Madcucks, Patreon, gigantic companies, God, squirrels, he throws in there.

Every woman who wouldn't fuck me, that's his lawsuit. It's like if Elliott Rogers could file a lawsuit, this is what it would be. Just pure but hurt. And I hate using that term, but that's what it is. People made fun of me on the internet. People made fun of me on the internet people made fun of me well he was four hundred million dollars we was in the fuck

he was he's never been the guy who got made fun of so it was like on the internet so he was woefully unprepared for he did not understand did not understand that like that might trigger some emotions that he didn't know he had. He didn't understand that when you spend 20 years building a brand where you relentlessly rip into somebody into people relentlessly ripping in to people because of their vanity, right?

Like the vanity is the greatest sin because it's because it makes people behave in idiotic ways. Because they think that they're not what they are, right? Yeah. So you've got, that's where hypocrisy comes from. And you've got blowhards on both sides of the aisle. Everybody who everybody does this, just acting in ways where they believe they are something they are not.

Yes, sure., of their vanity. Yeah, sure. And he spent 20 years mercilessly tearing into people, building a fan base of hundreds of thousands of these same types of people who get off to varying degrees of exactly this type of mockery. Me included. I was one of them.

Sure. I love to see that. Me too. Because it's funny. Yeah. Because it doesn't hurt anything or anyone. You say, Sean, you got really upset about this something and acted a little crazy. Yeah.

And you think, well, maybe I'll act like an asshole for a little more, but then I'll be all right. Yeah. And I'll learn from it. I'll reflect on it and everyone is laughing because that could be them. Yeah. That's and everyone is laughing because that could be them. Yeah, that's why everyone is laughing. It's a release.

They see someone getting made fun. I'm like, oh, that sucks. It sucks for them, but it could be me next. Glad it wasn't me. Yeah, I'm just glad it wasn't me because we've all got the capability to be a complete maniac. Everybody's stupid at something sometimes.

Of course. Of course. Of course. So we spend 20 years building a brand, a quote unquote brand, a fucking guy on the internet and brand. You can't drink him. Little African kids aren't seeing, oh, oh, you can do a Hodo Maddox article.

On the, there it is, we've got to go run and see it. It's so exciting, a Maddox article. Maddox a circle R. It's no fucking brand. This is a guy. A guy with a YouTube station,

which he says in the lawsuit. The lawsuit is so weird, man, because of the specific, the Maddoxisms, with weird, like, weird teases, like, how's that for irony? And, or so, he thought right. Isn't legal document. No, I don't know. Some of them judge is there to read a Sylvia Plath novel like the Plath? Oh, oh, oh, I'm really titillated in this lawsuit now. I'm going to be fingering my,

let's put some romance in this novel. And this yeah, he knocked out right a novel month and right a lawsuit month and the same month. Yeah, with this riveting tale of courtroom cuckery and ridiculous, preposterous, preposterous, unprovable assertions that are themselves not illegal at all. At all. Yeah, it took me a long time to realize some things about him, but one of the things was that he honestly believes there is no difference between various things that there clearly is a difference between. Like men and women, I don't know,

but in this fucking somebody and then watching, like fucking your girlfriend and women. I, you know, I don't know, but in this fucking somebody and then watching, like fucking your girlfriend and watching some other guy fucking her, what do you think that's the same? I don't know. Nothing inherently wrong with that, of course. But I believe that he believes he is just as good as a lawyer. Oh yeah.

So why not write it? It's, you're just a sucker if you pay a lawyer. I mean, to do that. He's the lawyer. I'll just get the guy with the actual title, who's earned the title, just to rubber stamp it. But I can do just as good a job as he could. I mean, he got a dog bite lawyer.

That's who this is. It's a dog bite lawyer. It's an ambulance chaser. Worse. Because you can't's a dog bite lawyer. It's an ambulance chaser. Worse. Because you can't lose a dog bite. Like somebody had a wild, somebody had a dog, a vicious animal that acts on its own. It's like a gun that just runs around and might shoot you. Don't keep that.

You have to extra watch your dog. Because no one can reason with it. Dogs violate the non-aggression principle all the time. Sure. It's all they do. Yeah. If they're either laying down or they're constantly in violation of the non-aggression principle. Yeah. Always touching you, making aggressive posturing and noises at you constantly. Loving you with your teeth. Yeah, loving you with your teeth. Weinsteining you. Yeah.

Dog bite lawyer. Yeah. That he's got there. In New York. So what I was saying was he spent 20 years being the guy that tears into people who don't see what they're doing, who can't tell, who have no self-awareness.

Bill O'Reilly, I fucking love science. The iPhone is shit and so is your face. He spent 20 years doing this. Is it any surprise that when he becomes oblivious, it is his own fans that do this, Not me, not anyone related to this show. There has never been a single direction from anybody on this show to do anything. No. It is his own fans doing this because this is what gets them off. Yeah.

Cause it gets, what gets us all off. Yeah. Cause it gets what gets us all off. Yeah. But he rounded them up and then just pissed right in his pants. And then won't stop. I didn't do that. No. I reject the idea that it's quote unquote my fans doing this. You know what I'm saying? Which is what it says in the lawsuit? Well, yeah, but aren't they just his fans converted? Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? So it's fan conversion. That's in the lawsuit. Conversion of fans. Yeah. So a dickhead by the name of Nick Rakita. Nick Rakita, I think. Is it Rakita? I think it's Raketa. Raketa. I think. Nick, the lawyer. Nick Brisketta. Was that it? I don't know. I think it's rakeeta. Rakeeta. I think. Nick, the lawyer.

Nick brisketta. Was that it? I don't know. I think it was brisketta. Now I can't remember. Oh boy. He runs brisketta law in Minnesota. I think it's rakeeta.

Is it? I'm almost positive because he said that. I would, I thought on it, it's brisketta. I thought it was racquet. Oh yeah, I did. That's what you had. Yeah. I was pretty drunk.

Yeah. So he did this. S1 would be being served up for $400 million. Sean, I'm the $20 million man. You're the $20 million man. And that shows how humble you really are, because it's really like $400 million. You wanna see humble, Sean? I'm like, I'm Jesus being sued for everyone's bants.

Yeah, everyone's the same. I'm being taken to court. Oh, and it's the court document is just full of other people. In no way related to me. Random other people. In no possible way related. Oh, we got a suit dick. Everybody's hated, everybody's had that guy's number

for a long fucking time. We got to get him. This is his fault somehow. Because people actually believe that I am some kind of demihuman manifestation of mockery. There's the only possible explanation. That I'm some kind of supernatural imp or demon that is begat from goss.

Yes. I am the manifestation of a thing. That's the only explanation for the lawsuit. All these people are doing this stuff. So it's gotta be this Godlike archetype. This Godlike archetype. Who names himself Dick Masterson. Well, he's fixated on you. Fixated.

He's fixated on you. God. Because he will take zero responsibility for anything that has happened and anything he's done to cause this. Let me tell you, that's just who he is. Let me tell you something. I've got a major, major, major bomb to drop on you right here.

Really? Yeah. Fucking big, dude. Even talking about it. You started that my arms are standing. Oh, that reminds me. Yeah. And then it's this huge thing because you're talking about responsibility. Yeah. And there is a there is a there was an act that began all of this bullshit. Okay. All of it. Yeah. We would have just been fine doing this show on our own,

building an audience from scratch, doing, having Silly Shenanigans, bringing UCB people on the show, to having contests and doing bullshit, having Tim Chang's on. I originally, I have a Patreon goal where you, where I do Dick Riden, right? And I just have a microphone in my car

and I talk while I drive up to my parents' house. It's like an hour. So I just talk about bullshit. It's fun. Yeah. It's fun. And I had that idea after doing something like that with Tim Changs. Yes.

I said, oh, wouldn't it be cool if Tim wanted to do this? Sure. We could just ride around on a car crack and joke. It's like a car podcast. Uh-huh. You know? Yeah. And he's ever done a, maybe we could get like coffee or something and drink it in

the car. I thought no one's ever with a lot of this. No, it would be, it would be hilarious. Yeah. Too funny guys. Too funny guys. Riding with Java. Yeah.

Like jokesters, jokesters in a jolapi with Java. That's what I was going to call it. It rolls right off the tongue. That's good. But there was an act. And I don't wanna get into what it was. Yeah. But it's the patient zero of all of this, gosh.

Really? Yes. If Maddox had a time machine, he would wanna go back and undo it. Yeah. And that would be, that would be the end. Huh. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But you're not going to tell me what it is.

You can figure it out. I want everyone to figure it out, but this is what this is the bomb I'm going to drop. Okay. I have seen with my own eyes an email from Maddox saying that he was because he's never admitted to doing this. So he's blaming it on other people. Yeah. I saw an email with my own eyes of him admitting to do it against advice. Admitting to do this act against advice. Against advice. Okay. From other people.

Do I have this email? No. I do not. There's only two people in the world who have it. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Not anymore? Okay. Yeah. So this is very good for... Very good. Yeah. It's like Nick Brisketta was saying. Yeah. Some of the things that are in this lawsuit are admissions of maybe admissions of fraud. Okay.

Like stealing a feed, for example. Yeah. And then trying to pass that on as an engaged listenership, trying to pass that off as an engaged listenership. Mm-hmm. That's might be fraud. Like you can't just, you can't have a show and then steal the feed and then cram another show

down everyone's face and tell an advertising company, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, these are the same ads. They're the same. Yeah, don't worry about it. They might not like that. Yeah. And I have seen the proof that he did it and directed other people to do it. Yeah, there you go. Be a doer,

Sean, not a sewer. Get it? How do you spell sewer? Very good. Bonus episode eight, I brought there bonus. Bonus episode 18 is up where we go into some of the, the lolliest parts of the, of the lawsuit. There was, after it dropped, there was some comments on Reddit. Somebody said, Oh, Dick's got to do a bonus emergency episode about this. And some guy said, yeah, he are, he said he would on Facebook, but he also said he was drunk. And somebody else chimed in Eddie Reigns chimed in next and said, by the way, he said this at 1 p.m. his time on a Tuesday. Okay.

It was true, which was true. I don't, I don't, I don't misrepresent anything. No. Let me see here. Let's see. There's a, there's a weird collision of lawsuits now because we've got the trademark application that Maddox did for the biggest problem. We're fighting that. Yeah, I'm fighting that

on one front. I'm like Hitler. I got to defend. I got to defend against two fronts. Well, yeah, Russia opened up. Yeah, Russia opened up with, I first I had the trademark opposition on the right, and then the 400 million lawsuit opened up on the left. Yeah, just trying to, you know, keep these guys at bay. I can't think of a better comparison than that one. Nobody wants to compare themselves to Hitler, but you know, two front war. Two front war.

It's a two front war going on, but check this out. So here's how a trademark opposition works. Maddox filed a trademark for the biggest problem in the universe, and I contested it. Stephen Burd should trademark lawyer who listens to the show said, hey, hit me up, I'll help you out with this, because this is bullshit. Right, right.

He's only done dog bites before that, right? Dog bite trademarks. Just dog bite trademarks just dog bite trademarks yeah he did spuds McKenzie yeah he trademarked him right astro the dog yeah yeah it's been working on a lot of dog bite trademarks scooby do scrappy he didn't do scrappy no scrappy's not you know you know not big enough for him I think so this is is what happened. We file a document listing all the reasons why Max is a cuck and full shit. Yeah.

And then he gets a month to respond to that, saying like, well, this is why I am in discernment of the trademark. Check this shit out. He sends, Mattik sends us his evidence for why he's in discernment of the trademark. He sends us a bunch of emails that he sent to Randy where he's complaining about how he wants more money

from the show. But we're talking, Sean, these are page long emails that he sent Randy. I've seen at least one of these. Yeah, he sent probably a dozen of them. Yeah. Because he feels like he's doing everything. And they're hysterical.

It's an entire paragraph about snacks, dude. And this is him complaining in confidence to the only two people in the world that would have had this are him and Randy. And he sends this to me. Yeah. Sends this to me as part of the trademark, as part of a arguing about a trademark that who fucking, who, how is this brand gonna be untainted now?

You know what I mean? You punch this in, it's like, oh God, this is, you're gonna bury your head in the sand and try to resurrect this revenant. Of a, he sends this to me, my point in saying this is, I can now do with it whatever I want. Yeah. Cause it's public. It's a fucking defense.

So he just sent me a bunch of private emails between him and Randy. Yeah. This is how this guy, that proved absolutely nothing. Yeah. This is how this moron thinks. It's insane. It is absolutely insane.

It's just he just needs to do the opposite of whatever he really wants to do. Dude, it just keeps, he just keeps shooting himself in the dick. You know what? And over again. But he's shooting a lot of other himself in the dick. You know what? And over again. But he's shooting a lot of other people in the dick. I know, I know. Because it's ricochet. Because, look, first of all, like I was saying, like I started saying in the beginning,

thank you to everyone who's on Patreon. Fucking thank you, and I'm not joking because this is expensive as shit to defend against, because I have to defend everyone because I owe them I I rope them into this because I'm some kind of Goofball demon that just comes out and I get blamed for fucking everything that goes wrong for anybody That's Dicks fault. Why cuz he looks like he's having too much fun He's the only guy here that's having fun, so it's his fucking fault. Whoops!

Guys, I'll blame my sense of self-actualization on it then. My fault. I guess so I gotta protect everybody except the stereos. Except the stereos. Because he's in New York. Yeah. So he's different. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like he's in New York. Yeah. So he's different. Okay. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Like he's, none of the rest of us are in New York. No. So we can, so I can protect them or try to with very expensive lawyers as it turns out. Yeah. But not as stereos. Mm-hmm.

And he's like a regular guy. Yes. Stereos. Oh yeah. He needs, he needs his life. Right. This was just for fun for him. Fucking around tearing his pants off, being a billboard charting cook artist.

So silly bullshit. Yeah. Taking away his fucking life though. Mm-hmm. I don't know. He's gotta be put down legally. Like he's gotta be stopped from doing this shit. Yeah.

Uh, it was the funniest thing, people are saying it's the funniest thing Maddox has ever written the lawsuit. Well. And more people have read it than fuck whales, than faster is quails. There's no doubt about that. No doubt about that.

Mr. Medi-Curred did a video on it. That was excellent. Oh yeah. That was excellent. I don't know. Do we want to play any clips from that? You could play the whole damn thing. It's entertaining.

I could. All right. You know what? Let me do it. You want to play the whole thing? Yeah. Even though everything I do, every time I open my mouth to talk about this, I think,

oh, lawyers wouldn't like me talking about it. No. Is there any syllable I utter, Patreon could just remove the fucking account. Well, yeah, well, I know, especially because of Twitter, but I think, I don't know, Patreon probably likes money. I bet they don't like getting sued. No, I'm sure they don't like getting sued, but I would think, I would hope that they would have lawyers on their going,

we got nothing to worry about. Oh yeah. I mean, yeah, let me see here. Let me see if I got anything else. God, you gotta see these trademark emails. Yeah, I mean, there's just no way, unless I had some kind of like Dix 11 style heist of a Gmail server, there's no way I would have ever

seen these emails. Right. And he just sends them over. Yeah. He's a one step thinker. Yeah. He is a one step best case scenario thinker. And you cannot, you cannot live your life always assuming

that everything is gonna go the way you want it to go. Oh God. You gotta keep, you gotta keep the best case in mind and you gotta keep the worst case in mind. Exactly. You gotta be prepared for things not to work out the way that you hope that they will. Yeah, some people might, you know,

some people would say, expect it. Yeah. Expect the worst to prepare for it. Prepare for the worst. Exactly. Perhaps a more palatable way to say that would be prepare for the worst, except it's not as effective. Let's, let's try to find the Mr. Medical video.

Other defendants, it's not just masters in. He's suing just everybody. And one of those is Patreon. Now his complaint against Patreon is, I complain to you every fucking month for like a year and you did nothing. I'm not even joking. If you go and look, it starts at like 46, line 46, it talks about how he contacted them on the 16th of January and then the 18th of January and then January 26 and then May 26 and

then June 29th and July 28th. Bro, that was right over. That was right when 80s girl got her school called. Okay. January. Remember? Really on a mission. Yeah.

Really on a mission to fuck up everyone's life. Yeah. Over again, he even outright admits that he basically sent people to false flag dick master since Patreon, which I think is maybe a little stupid on the monkeys part that feels a bit iffy you can't start a lawsuit talking about cyber mob attacks and coordinated efforts on the parts of fans and individuals and then 20 or 30 lines later say that your friends and fans did something similar you kind of look like an idiot huh i i had them go and complain to patreon even though i'd been doing it day after day for half a fucking year. Maybe if you've done it day after day for half a fucking year,

Patreon just doesn't care. Maybe Patreon doesn't find it to be in violation. Maybe they actually listened to the DIC show and lo and behold, every episode wasn't dedicated to calling Maddox a cuck. Now, I'd heard people bring up the fact that this lawsuit wasn't really about making $20 million. It was an attempt to force Patreon to shut down Dick Masterson's page and to also interfere with people's abilities to have jobs outside of the DICK show. And I think line 69 really starts to kind of illustrate, those people might be right.

This lawsuit might actually be intended to be a cudgel to hurt people financially. Weber took no action against Defendant following the exchange which clearly notified them of the activities that one of their senior copywriters were engaged in against plaintiffs. Subsequently, Defendant made a post on the Dixiel Reddit page where he acknowledged that Weber had knowledge of what he was doing and that they had been contacted about it at least three times. Now that's referring to something that happens. This is, I'm going to stop right there. It's a great video, but I don't want to make everyone watch a video. Yeah, sure. That's something that makes me rage. This is, I'm gonna stop right there. It's a great video, but I don't wanna make everyone watch a video. That's something that makes me rage.

Okay. People making you watch a video. Yeah. Here I am doing it. Fair enough. Cause I'm into it. If you wanna see it, go to Medicare's site. In the lawsuit, in the lawsuit,

there's this chick Heather, who's named. Yes. Who says she's a journalist doing a story and like weirdly ratting out asterios to his employer. But then when pushed, she gives no evidence that she's a journalist, no last name, no contact, like literally nothing. Yeah. And then how and why would Heather have just given

Maddox this information to put in his waltz suit? It's, it's like a child. It's like a child wrote it. It is the thinking of a child. One step ahead, because not expecting a question like that. Yeah, once, this is the thinking of a mind who does one step ahead and assumes

that the best case scenario will happen in all instances and there's no way this could possibly fuck up. Oh, they'll just believe. Oh, yeah, Heather. Keep feeding them on our band. It'll, I'll win a jackpot. The next one will be a jackpot. The next one will be a jackpot.

Wow, I wonder where we learn that. Let me play a song. I'm getting a little too heated. I need to play some music to calm myself down. I see, okay. This is from Elay. This is from Elon. I think it's Elay Arson.

Let me see you here. All right. How dare you? How dare all, I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue everyone related to this show. Fuck you bitch. Set a court date. Make a judge rule. Line a case. sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you.

I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you.

I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you.

I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna trick and I've seen Teflon pans with better stick Then the case in New York this thing is less kosher than a Jew eating pork NYC just a bunch of pizza snops that eat pepperoni Half a billion green all because of some true commentary that was mean yeah that adds up to a court superior It's worth a fighter jet getting called me fair here. Yeah, the fence counsels official statement Forgesu does fake and gay and we request abatement Mad what?

Mad what? Mad Bucks! No one is mad Bucks! Mad cast recruited an awful shit at Soft J to save the end bomb and faggot on your dime every day an anemic Nileist debatable Oh yeah, that's it when he's hairy and the juice is right And it's here in a real secure position With all that declining traffic at Madden's stop mission Yeah Excellent

Orbital on SJW types Use it terribly became one too Very nice As soon as full of holes As soon as full of holes Your careers know goals and your fans dick Stole George Uzi use some desperate and broke

You're the real punchline in this lawsuit Joe The zoo patriotic and a Greek comic fired That won't backfire, look at petty and tired Used to be a severist that everyone admired Then LA changed you and your brain we wired Desperately try to kill that U.C.B Not an improv class regular

Yeah It's in a podcast like this We'll do it It'll do it LA will grind you We'll run into you It'll do it. L.A. will grind you. We'll grind you stupid. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you stupid. We'll grind you into me.

We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. We'll grind you into me. Don't you have to see and cop a field you'll have to just about when shit is too real 20 mil in a game if a time waste get a real job and thought late post-case flip some burgers right on the side yeah, I'm a die down while you stay quiet and high He'll be flippin burgers back better than ever

But I didn't get a guy on a stupid podcast and deaf Wraith by by the career George You killed it. God damn, let me see. Let me make sure that was E. Lay. He killed that. Fuck man, he killed that. He did, he did kill it.

Oh, it's all MC dumb fake alias name. Oh, no, maybe he doesn't want his name. Yeah, I was just guessing it's to the whose name it might be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I don't want to obsess. You know what I was going to talk about name it might be before. Yeah, yeah. Like I don't wanna obsess, you know what I was gonna talk about this week? What's that? Having to shit while you're camping.

Oh, that's what I was gonna talk about. Yeah, that's what I was gonna do on my own. Yeah. Hey, Sean, you know what makes me a rage? Having to shit while you're camping. Yeah. It's like clockwork. Sure.

As soon as you park at the camping spot, yeah, bam, you got a shit. Right. Right away. And then you know, you're stuck there with an unclean feeling for the remainder of your camping trip. And it's always just chiseling away at your confidence levels. Yeah. You know, especially when you drink heavily, especially when you, you're, it's always there.

It's always there. I went camping with my family in Carpentaria. Yeah. Yeah, as soon as I got there, as soon as we pulled in, yeah, got it. You got to start with a night, you got to start with a full scrub body rinse before you go camping because it's got to last you a couple of days. Don't they have bathrooms there? Yeah, but I'm not going to shower them. I'm going to shower.

Not shower. Well, you, yeah, shit. Yeah, I mean, you got a, oh, no I'm not gonna shower them. I'm gonna shower. Not shower. Well, yeah. That's shit, yeah. Didn't you gotta, oh no, I know. You gotta, I know, yeah, you're right. The next couple of days. Yeah, you know what else I learned? No.

Kids really fucks up your drinking momentum. Yeah, oh, we do, that is, I've not yet learned how to drink around kids because my drinking buddies are always getting roped away. And then you don't want to outpace them because if you're, when you're drinking with your family, you need, you need an accountability. You need a drinking buddy or else everyone will shame you for looking like a jerk.

Yeah. But if you have another guy, preferably more, who's equally as drunk as you, then you're a caucus. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Then you can't be blamed for things because you are more than one person. So then it's just a ideological differences.

Yes. Like we think we feel that we should be this drunk at this time. And quite frankly, we're setting up tents and we drove, so we're in discernment of the, but the kids pull the kids pull your caucus apart. They do. They render your caucus divided so that you're drinking. So now you're two or three drinks deeper. And then your brother-in-law is rushing to catch up. Yeah.

But this is a problem, of course. Mm-hmm. Cause no man has ever been able to accelerate his drinking in the presence of his wife. That you true. Keeping it steady is a best case scenario. Yes. Sneaking it. Right.

But accelerating to catch up. Probably not. No way. Yeah. Impossible to get drunk. At the best, I tipped a good buzz in Carpenteria. Just touched it. I got to drive by. I got to rub the nose of the bust of a buzz while I walked

to my first day in class at college. Huh. Otherwise a complete drinking bust. Yeah. I did get one, I got a real sick, vicarious burn though. Oh yeah. Yeah, I was responsible for the Irishman's first burn. Oh boy.

Oh yeah, dude. It's something he's been burning people for a while. Oh, but this was a, this was an eruption. This was like a class five Burn, okay. This was a four hundred million dollar Burn, excuse me He was writing his bicycle around the campsite. Mm-hmm Was that's all he does wherever he goes. He's got to get right on that bicycle. Is he right a two-wheeler? Yeah, yeah

He learned to ride yeah, and he loves going off ramps. He's at that age where he likes doing the ramp thing. Yeah, okay. Not afraid of ramps, see there. No, he's five. It's pretty good. Five, everything bounces back real fast. Yeah. So he sees, he's riding his bike around.

And it's his birthday mind you. Oh yeah, okay. That's why we're there. He's riding his bike around. And there's a sand dune. For those of you who don't know, carbon-dry is a beach site camping. It's on the beach. It's by Santa Barbara. Yeah, it's by Santa Barbara. It's right on the beach. He's riding sand dune. For those of you who don't know, carbon-dry is a beach site camping. It's on the beach.

It's by Santa Barbara. Yeah, it's by Santa Barbara. It's right on the beach. He's riding his bike around and he builds up some steam and he heads right for a sand bar, like the sand bar that goes into camp. Because of course he doesn't, he's an idiot.

He doesn't know that bikes don't go through that. Sand is not a ramp. Yeah, no, there's no that shit yet. Sure, but now that's about to know it. Yeah, this is all my, this is conjecture, I don't know. Maybe he was just, maybe he just wanted to hurt him. Yeah, maybe he wanted to do that. Yeah, it's not impossible.

Maybe he's like a jackass, like a jackass guy. Yeah, Steve O, we don't know. So he's riding his bike around, hauling ass. He's built up as much steam as he can with his little spindly legs. And he hammers the sand bar, pitches over the front of the bike, sure, makes a complete asshole of himself. Right. Slans makes a front, makes a sand angel, makes a fool of himself in front of, and everyone

is right there, right? Everyone is standing in a little semi-circle yeah just standing there talking right he crashes he flying up flies over his handlebars goes elbow deep in the sand with his dumb little helmet on yeah and he looks he raises his his head with the can like the confuse look What the fuck, that was shaped like a ramp? Yeah. What the fuck is this? What the fuck, like angry, and who did this to me?

Confused, I'm gonna sue you. Who looks right at me? I'm gonna fucking sue you for $20 million with this shit. And my, not my fault. Now this was, how is this my fault? My sister takes that opportunity to go, see, that's why I told you, you shouldn't ride your bike into the sand.

See, this is what I was telling you, and I was like, no, it now, I can't let that, this is the man's birthday. He's embarrassed, he's laying on the, so I said, hey, just a mask-related. He's just a mask, like, you didn't need to, you didn't need to castrate him in front of everyone. Yeah.

Like, what are you doing? You're gonna turn him into a serial killer. A serial killer, a sewer. What's he gonna do with that rage? You just planted a ball in him that's gonna grow like a pearl of hatred. Yes. Don't do that, don't do that to your son, right?

Yeah. Don't come crying to me when he uses your head as a dartboard. That's all I'm going to say. Okay. I have to excise this pearl. I have to excise this detritus for memes. Get that sand out of there. He said, hey, say, hey, could you at least, hey, you could wait till I get up first to him. That's his, he's just laying there with his head down.

And he goes, what'd you do, whisper it to him? No, I talked to my normal, oh, yeah, my normal voice of like defeated self-loading. Okay. You know, right. I was like, hey, tell her you could at least wait until I get up first. Like, you know, don't, don't tolerate that shit. Yeah, yeah. So he goes, little kid, five years old that day, he turns, turns his head with this

look of, oh, yeah. You fucking bitch. You get a load of it. You guys, because Uncle Dick, yeah, armed me with something like, it was like George McFly that look when that look George McFly goes, Biff, when he's like, you motherfuck, right? He's gonna knock him out. He turns around and goes, yeah,

you could at least wait, you could wait to like get up first, mommy. Ah. Great. Mommy. And then everyone erupted. Of course. He's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

You know, those big laughs that you can't even talk over. Right. You're like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Everything he came out fine. I got that poison out of him. Yeah, put it back in her. Probably you take that, you fucking deal with that your own way. Don't play, don't pay that forward. Mm-hmm. Just get back on the bike. Of course, yeah. Just didn't do the sand ramp.

I think you did actually. Yeah, yeah. Just did it right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, it's got to fucking. See if he can, see if it was, if he could somehow, you know, suspend physics. Yeah, but the whole time I'm dealing with the, you know, the

million dollar question of, well, do I take this shit? Or can I, can I let it ride? Okay. Yeah. The shit question. Yeah. Do I take this here? Do I take this shit at my buddy's house? Or can I let this thing ride? Yeah. What's the colon situation that we're dealing with today? Okay. It's an age old question, Sean. Yeah. Age old because it's why we have colon's. That's why they evolve.

That's such an easy question for me. What? Take the shit. You're like a bunny rabbit. 100% of the time. Take immediately. Just like dude, like you got to shit. Yeah, I'm gonna take the shit.

And I feel all fucked up. Yeah, I mean, it's not optimal. Also because, well, here's the other reason. Yeah, because when we got to the beach, I was playing a roby with the kids. You're playing a rock playing with an aeroby. What is that? It's a flying disc.

Oh, from the 80s that people with roller blades. In the 80s, we would wear Oakley razor blade sunglasses. Remember those? Maui neon shirts, neon fanny packs, short, very, very appropriately linked, nylon pants shorts. It's like a Frisbee and roller blades, lightning 606's. I remember lightning. Remember lightnings.

Of course, yeah. It's a Frisbee, it's a disc. It's a ring. It's a ring. It's lightning, 606's. I remember lightning. You remember lightnings. Of course, yeah. It's a Frisbee, it's a disc. Yeah. It's a ring. It's a ring. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can throw it like six miles. Yeah.

Yeah. They have a color remember that. I never catch another town. Yeah. It's called an aerobi. Okay. Yeah, those are cool. So the kids playing the beach with the bust one out, brand new.

Like, hey, Uncle, let's play some aerobies. Like, yeah, all right. Let me see that thing. Playing with the kids a little bit, really concentrating. Old man comes out, dad comes out. He's like, yeah, like, let me get in on this. Let's spread out a little bit. It's like, all right, keep going, keep going, keep going. I let it rip.

Toss the aerobium. It goes into the ocean about two inches of water and instantly vanishes. Oh wow. Gone. So I see my dead kind of trotting, like giving a little, I'm crossing a crosswalk,

but also the speed of, I'm crossing the crosswalk, it's a fuck you. Mother fucker, you better get over there quick. Move it. This is, it takes things out. Yeah, the ocean takes everything out. Yeah. And this is a toy that I've just entered.

Move your ass. You know, you're fucking horse, dad. So I run. Right. Because I'm like, oh, God, run, run, run, run, run, run. You know, I hate telling people to run. Okay. Just on principle.

Yeah. Because no one should ever have to run. Yeah, but you should be making the decision to run. On your own. On your own, on your own. The ocean will take, the ocean will make a fool of you every time. It does.

So I run and start careening around in the water trying to stab at this. How deep are you? A couple feet at this point, because you feel that it's been pulled back. Yes, because I'm trying to head it off. I don't underestimate the ocean. No.

Many brave and heroic men have been made fools of by underestimating the ocean. That's right. So I don't do that. I head straight out, as far as I'm willing to go with my wallet and my phone in my pocket to try and save the kids of Roby. Right.

I'm pulling my pants up to my groin, looking like a weirdo, trying to get phone dry. Keeping the phone dry, trying to keep everything in. My dad's just kind of kicking around. Oh, don't see it. How about you? It's gone. It's gone because of you.

Because of you. Because of me. I just introduce them to a great toy, immediately through it into the ocean. Yeah. So I come out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, when you change, you definitely cannot shit those jeans. Right. That's why it's such a big deal, because my underwear turned into

chave garments to a chave machine. And the shorts were the same. So I had no, if I would have had underwear, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but I didn't have underwear. So it's much grosser. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. Now the decision is more difficult.

This is what I would have been talking about instead of this lull suit. Oh, I'm enjoying this as well. You're enjoying both. Yeah. Oh, man. So no, you had to get another toy. No.

No, I just said that. You had a Frisbee football. And everything like that. No. You think I can blacken a five year old's eye with a point? get another toy. No, just, no. You had a Frisbee football, and everything like that. You had to think I can blacken a five year old's eye with a point. No, no.

I'm gonna play another song. Peach said one in. Oh yeah. This is from Peach. It's a liva. Mm-hmm. She's gonna be at the road rage, Chicago. Yeah, let's make sure that you mention that.

Other guys are gonna be there, but Peach is gonna be there. Peach, I can't stress that enough. It's gonna be there. Yeah. Let me start over. I think enough. It's gonna be there. Yeah. Let me start over. I think 80s girl wrote some of these lyrics too. Really?

I don't know. Those two are a joint project. Yeah. Yeah. A phone call is grand if you want somebody fired cause 80s girl left with your friend. A book that is pand. Cause 80s girl left with your friend A book that is pand It won't help you pay the rent to land your humble flat Or a trade show model who is flat

Words may scold and writers may bold But beware when their test is descent Because that's when small disputes escalate To lawsuits, 80s girl left with your friend Let's see who else speaks soon, we are She's good! She's great! A. Who else is here, we are with the whole family Mad Cucks, I don't even understand that one.

Wait, what is that? Weber, Shandwick, Patreon. And what don't do is dig and tell us all about it. Lay that hot gusto down. In that bleee everybody needs lawyer. Cause A.D.'s girl left with your friend And now always that's great When Dix friends and boy has get dragged in this zoo

But hey Maddox buddy, to the loop Dix your guy when a trial is nigh 20 million is quite the dividend. Guess that Maddox is what happens with old internet husbands. Hey, ladies girl, left with your friend. Let's give him a big hard finish, fellas. finish fellas She lived with you. Go fuck yourself.

I was long an outro. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great.

That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. That was great. friend. Maddox dedicated his, he put me in the thanks to his last book five years ago.

Yeah. We're going to, he's going to, in a year, he's just going to be looking like a homeless man going from bookstore to bookstore, blacking out my name. I was old. Yeah, I know. You know, he's called the publisher. In a way to just get that out of there. Yeah.

Don't you have people just like send around to like check on inventory or you like do you track a who buys books. You can like if you you call the a read maybe they could call the manager at the at the at the Barnes and Noble. And yeah, just have them like tear out that page. Just issue a recall on all the books. So people can bring their old books back into the dealership. Right.

All exchange act the name out. Yeah. There's a simple service job happens all the time. People are the dealership. Right, all exchange, the name out. Yeah, there. It's a simple service job. Happens all the time. People are used to it. Right. People are asked to hand. That's how it works.

You know, I'll give them a bottle of hot sauce. I'm throwing a free. Yeah, I'm throwing a free gilding shirt for the effort. For coming in. Yeah, free dick lies. Oh, man. What a mess. Here's a $20 million man by the way.

About that. That's awesome. That's fucking cool dude. You had to explain that. I was like, are those flasks? Call of the deep made a fan art of me is the $20 million man. I never saw that. I mean, I've seen clips of that show.

Yeah. But I've never seen that, I mean, like I've seen clips of that show. Yeah, but I've never seen that outfit. But then you set me as an actor of him. No, I know. Yeah, I thought it was just a regular guy. You know, who was, well, he was rebuilt. Well, I know. I know.

It cost six million bucks. I know, I know. I didn't realize he, does he always wear that suit? Yeah. He holds all of his stuff in place. God, I guess I have not seen that show at all. Yeah, you don't know anything. Idiot.

Isn't there one where he fights a Sasquatch or something and it's Andre that's giant? But he's not dressed like that. I don't know. Here's the coach edited this picture. Oops. Coach did this? Oh, God.

He coach made the face all tiny. Coach. Not funny. Stupid asshole. Not funny at all. Except really funny. Cernovich retweeted his stereosis tweet. I don't really know how Twitter works, because I'm not on it.

Well, it's too masculine for Twitter. Change drastically. He Cernovich retweeted his stereosis tweet about the lawsuit. And then the next thing, you know, here's what a CERNIVICH said in response. I'd like to take the time to point out that CERNIVICH is a citizen journalist and a true American patriot whom I have always defended against the deep state. Well, he has a lot of sense of humor. Yeah, let me see.

Yeah, CERNIVICH, I haven't talked to him, but... No, he's talked to him. You disappeared, man. Yeah, did he? You haven't talked to him. I've talked to him, but you talked to him. What's he gonna do?

Well, yeah. He's really over a barrel. He's really over a, what did Greeks have? He's really over a barrel of hummus. Yeah, they all, yeah. All those countries kind of share. You know what's in the fucking lawsuit? Let me, this is one of the funniest,

I wrote down a couple funny things from the lawsuit. Okay. Maddox alleges that a stereos released of his girlfriend's phone number at Roadrage Philly. Maddox says that Astero's released mental Jess's personal phone number. He didn't do that. Roadrage Philly.

When did he do that? And then there's a picture of the phone number. Astero said, we were at Roadrage Philly and Astero said, I've got mental Jess's phone number right here and he gave it out to somebody in the audience. Oh, he did. And then there's a picture of it. Do you wanna hear the phone number?

It's 323-867-5309. Oh my God. Of course he would never get that. Sean, he put this in the lawsuit as evidence. Yeah. 867-5309. 5309. With the fucking dead eyeyed- Oh, yeah.

Well, he- That's awesome. There's here it is. Now, a bunch of people, and I'm- because of their age, you're gonna have to Google that. Yeah. They're gonna have to Google that, but it's- It's just- If you're 30-something or older, you know exactly why that's fucking hilarious.

And also, it doesn't surprise me at all that he would not get that. No. You said there's a billboard contest. Yeah. We had, and I don't remember having a billboard contest on this show. Yeah. I remember saying it would be funny to put up a billboard. Yeah.

In Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? Right. Because it would be funny. Billboards are funny because they're stupid. They're like an anachronism. Yeah. Like, and they're garbage.

They probably don't work, but they're huge. Larger than life. It's a throwback. It's funny. Sure. The evidence of the Billboard contest was, I think, a guy Ash and Maril made a Photoshop of a Billboard that says, this is what it says. Want to know what happened to the biggest problem in the universe?

Check out biggest.vidicshow.com. Yeah, this is evidence of harassment and advertisement. Mm-hmm. And it's ridiculous. 8675309. So, but he, so he doesn't know her phone number. No. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He put that in there as if that is her phone number. But Maddox did. I know.

Which means he doesn't know her phone number either. Who, yeah. Good question. What am I missing that? He must know her. He puts it on his speed dial. He must, I don't know people's phone numbers. Okay.

He must, I bet this is what he thinks. He thinks he knows mental justice phone number, but maybe she has another one. Okay, and it's this one or a stereo's got an old one like all he sees is this was said and done could be and there's Because he definitely doesn't know that he definitely doesn't know where that number comes now. So of course now And didn't bother to Google it either no to try to you you know, get evidence that it actually is connected to her. God dammit. Let's see, I got some more songs.

You wanna hear more songs? I'm gonna, I'm gonna real song here in kinda mood. Well, they're really good. They are. This one's from Safe State Corrupted. Oh, cool. cool. It's got that thing tuned way down there. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. 20 million dollars please

Don't you know that you have heard my feelings grow So I looked online for all the help that I could find And I came across this forum called Hedgehog They seem to give good advice So dick, I'm gonna need 20 million, 20 million, 20 million, I'll just please. 20 million, 20 million, 20 million, 20 million, I'll just please. Very good. and dollars to me. Very good. Save State corrupted. I can't believe this is really happening. Yeah, you and me both, man.

I'm looking for my favorite part of the lawsuit. My favorite part of the lawsuit is, you know what, you know what's really fucked? Is how these stupid E-celebrities all stick together. His cock sucker mundane Matt did a video where he starts it with, oh he's always, he's a good guy to me. So, you know, it's got to be something to these claims when they're smoked, when they're smoke their fire.

You know, he's a good, he's a good, good bro. He's a good bro to me. These fucking scumbags dude in their bro code. It's really, it's really disgusting. Yeah. How they stick together. And don't even bother, don't even bother to read it to see if it makes any sense.

Like not even, there's not even accusations. Right. Not a single, not a single accusation is in there. That is like that has any kind of evidence accompanying it. Yeah. It's the spelling for these Esileb cock suckers like Chris Ray Gunn and Monday Matt and I'm holding my judgment on a couple others that I want to name just yet because they all,

they give the benefit of the doubt to a lawsuit that's not even spelled correctly. Yeah. With shit like I dashed tunes, YouTube stations, apostrophes thrown around like confetti, basic shit that they would know in an instant means someone is a fucking moron and any other instance, and any other capacity, they would know in an instant means someone is a fucking moron and any in any other instance in any other capacity they would know instantly this person's a fucking fool they're full of shit because they can't type they can't spell it's a big indicator couldn't even proofread something as important as a four hundred million dollar loss the lawsuit probably some wrong with it Yeah, well he

Oh, it's a good dude though. No as though no person Could as all binary to them. Yeah, cuz it's so Challenging for people to accept that they might have to make that they might have to make a judgment on somebody Yeah, fuck maybe I'm gonna have to make, that they might have to make a judgment on somebody. Yeah. Fuck, maybe I'm gonna have to do something hard. Yeah. Maybe life's gonna force me to do something hard. You know what, I'm just gonna wait it out.

God, dammit. Evil wins, cause people do nothing. Oh, that's good. They're not good men. By no stretch of the imagination are they good men. They're attention horrors. They complain nonstop about not making enough ad money on you too.

It's all they give a shit about. Of the people who have hooks in them that have no autonomy at all, like no ability to do the right thing, they are among the worst. The amount somebody has hooks in you is how much leeway you have and to doing the right thing should do need a rise. And they are it's like every The amount of ad revenue from their channels if it's tweaked a little tiny bit, they just have to become that person

You know? Like they cannot disrupt the ecosystem of attention-horing and glad-handing that powers their lives, guys like Chris Raygun. Like he can't say anything negative about Maddox because it might tweak his ad model just a little tiny bit. And that's all they are. Yeah. There's just shills for anything.

Where's kind of shilled, anything. All right, what was I gonna, I should have had, you were gonna find the, you were gonna search the PDF. Oh yeah, I found it. I found it. For the funniest part. The funniest part. This is the funniest part to me.

The funniest part of the lawsuit. Okay. Sean, this is what I'm being sued for. In particular, plaintiff Jane Doe, who has restraining water on her, by the way, yeah, for trying to end someone's career. Correct. Militiously, purposefully,

no, didn't deny it, admitted to it in court. Yeah. Just flat out, I did it, I called those schools, I said those things. Yeah, and where would she have heard those things? Or would she have even known about the schools, right? Well, fucko, a rangatang, right next to her, prompting her into it, right?

Like a couple of serial killers, like natural born killers, except natural born annoyers. Yeah, right? Yeah, none of this is able to be argued any other way. These are the facts. These are the facts. These are already proven. In particular, plaintiff Jane Doe has endured

an unimaginable amount of strain and stress. No hyperbole there. What's the worst amount of stress you can imagine? Well, I can imagine probably a few things that more severe than that. Like what? Getting a girl pregnant. Getting two girls pregnant.

At the same time. That's pretty stressful. Yeah. Business going, your business getting burnt up. That's stressful. That would be one. Yeah. That would be one. Your parents getting stoned in front of you?

Yeah, I'll be pretty glad. I'll be out the ante a little bit on that one. I know, I know. That'd be pretty stressful. Yeah, I can imagine that. Yeah. An asteroid coming, an asteroid's gonna hit the earth and I've got, I've got eight hours to figure out

what to do with my bitcoins. Yeah, I've stressed that. I forget the password to my bitcoins. Right, I could imagine that. Oh my. There's a could imagine that. Oh my. There's a zombie virus that attacks the world except, and the zombies don't eat you. They just stick things in your ass.

Oh man. Oh yeah. You think the walking dead is scary when they want to eat you? Imagine if they wanted to fuck you. Yeah. And they're bisexual. Right. They'll fuck anything.

No one's safe. That's scary. Yeah. That's stressful. That's stressful. Very highly stressful. Your dick falls off. That's maybe unimaginably stressful. No, that's, I can imagine that.

Yeah. I can imagine waking up, oh shit, my dick fell off. I'll just to use the other. Oh, can I imagine that? Can't be imagined. What cannot be imagined? Stress-related. Internet shit-related. Internet shit talking.

Unimaginable stress. What if you were having sex with your wife and then you open your eyes and it's your dad? Ah, that's stressful. Yeah. That's a stressful ass. That's a stressful thing that I can imagine. I don't wanna do it.

Mm-hmm. Your dad getting a sex change? What if he dropped that one on you? Yeah. Whoa, whoa. Oh, that's stressful. I gotta think about a lot of things, man. Yeah.

Dude, dad? I mean, Mrs. Dad. Mrs. Dad. Mrs. Dad. Right. That's why you didn't catch the aerobi. Well, Irishman blamed it on him too. Oh, Jenny? My dad's like, we're sitting around the campfire. My dad goes, yeah, Dick it on him too. Oh, Jenny.

My dad's like, we're sitting around the campfire. My dad goes, yeah, dick lost the aerobi. I was like, no, you're fucking, you're slow ass lost the aerobi. I'm playing catch next to an ocean. It might go into the ocean. Exactly. I'm not Tony Gwen.

All right. I will occasionally miss. Right. And well, I heard from goes, no, Papa, you lost it. Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah, why did he lose why did he lose it because cuz he's just being slow. Yeah, fuck thank you. Yeah, hustle into your step.

Yeah. Throw a little bit of metamine. What's something that gets old people going? Gerritol. Put a little gerritol in the mix there. I don't even know what gerritol is. They're like gonna like some kind of a like a. I don't know.

I'm kind of like a vitamin. Some kind of jazzy vitamin drink for old, I guess, I don't know. Old people, make some, make some, make some all silly. Get the, get the zombie dick out with metamusel. Yeah. Whatever it is, you know. You dick falls off. That's stressful. Very stressful. You, uh, so you're locked in a car and it's going off of a cliff into a river. Stressful. And you're trapped. Stressful.

That's unimaginable though. Yeah. So I can imagine that. So what is unimaginably stressful? What have your hair turned into snakes? Yeah. That's pretty stressful. I guess.

Yeah. Right. Right. What have you meet a new girl's mom and she's really guess. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. What have you meet a new girl's mom? And she's really fat. Yeah. And she says, I looked just like her when I was her. Oh, God. Yeah. That's very stressful. Yeah. Oh, God. Whoa. Yeah. Imagine the amount of strain and stress that would put you under. Yeah. Wow. Very stressful. Yes. Unimaginable. The plaintiff in particular, in particular, plaintiff,

Jane Doe has endured an unimaginable amount of strain and stress as a result of the foregoing, resulting in a constant fear, anxiety, PTSD, depression, and that any moment she may be raped. and that any moment she may be raped. As she talks so much shit. Does a person who's afraid of all that? Talk shit and instead of shit about enigmas and she may be, or someone may break into her house, hack her accounts or kill her. But at any moment she may be raped.

I mean, any moment she may be raped. I mean, any any moment, not. Up, no. Ah, I don't know. I know. No, it's now. It's now. That's pretty frightening. I could still imagine it.

I don't know why I think that was so forward. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't know why I think that was so forward. No, you've got rape and right next to hack accounts. Yeah, that's line 215 by the way. Yeah, that's line 215, by the way. Yeah, that's verse 215 now. In the lawsuit, the lawsuit to failure of our Lord. Actually, I think those maybe,

I don't know which one I would prefer. Like I'm making fun of it, like being raped is obviously the worst one, but maybe I would prefer that to having my accounts hacked If someone hacked someone hacked my gab and tweeted something to all the 1500 people that are following me or hacked my fucking emails If a demon said you can either That's a good debate. What about that one or your bank account? Nah, that's less than that's less embarrassing. I'll get that that's FDIC insured.

Yeah, but my emails and being embarrassed about them is not insured by any government agency yet. Right. Yet Chelsea Clinton is going to fix that. Oh, okay. She's going to first day in office. She'll say so many people called me an ugly, dumpy, potato headed horse faced, ugly idiot that that Bill Clinton is probably not this is what

she's saying. I'm not saying this. She's going to say that I would never see something like this that I'm going to make a law and ensure people for hurt feelings. So guys like Maddox can get can file a claim with the government instead of having to sue these demons like Dick Masterson to get the money that they're owed. Sure. That's what'll happen.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe I don't know, maybe that's a tough choice after all. I don't know, I only play another song. Now, I'm gonna play a bit that's Serraciscent and Asterios' girlfriend. Asterios won't call in. Yeah.

I'm sure he's been advised not to. New from the Sadcast Media Network, it's my first legal servant, all the fun of creating your own hilariously baseless lawsuit without any of the boring parts, like proving in court that you suffered financial damages, an understanding of parody, or writing a complaint that doesn't sound like it was written

by a first-year law student on ketamine. Go on YouTube and make a 12-minute long video in which you accuse your former business partner of financial malfeasance and condoning rape. Then when no one believes your bullshit, pull out your My First Legal Summins kit and sue the bastards. Put the final nail in the coffin of your reputation as an internet badass by endlessly reeing into the void about how Dick Masterson commenting on your antics and a stereo's coconut was calling you a cuckold on Twitter has caused you to live your every waking moment in terror.

He's a stereo, substilling money from his company with absolutely no evidence. That worked out excellently for you the first time. Let your imagination soar and pretend that if it weren't for the mean men on the internet, your second failed book would have made $20 million. You don't need to worry about spelling errors or fucking up the basic timeline of events in your case. It's all make-believe, just like your delusion that 80's girl will ever join your weird creepy sister wives, Thrupple. Take a page from everyone's crazy ex-girlfriend and force them to love you again with my first legal summons. Oh boy.

Chicks always know, don't they? Listen, the content that has been sent in today, and I don't know if there was, yeah, it played a little bit on the bonus episode. Yeah. I mean, if nothing else, there have been some people completely inspired by this. This is created, this some of this stuff is fucking awesome.

Oh sorry, because nothing like this is brilliant. Nothing like this could have ever have been imagined. Yeah. Yeah. This is unimaginable. It's inspired some true art that coach, we were talking about it in the bonus episode that when coach and I first met and we're working together at our fucking.com, and when I was still in college,

we would pass around Maddox's article. And it would be like if I had like a flash style time machine where I could appear in the computer and go like, hey, just wanna throw you an FYI, that guy's gonna sue you for $400 million in 20 years from now, because people will make fun of him too much. Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,

go. That would be the message I'll send back. Yeah. Imagine how insane that would be. Yeah. That would sound like a garbled 12-monkey style message from the future. Yeah. Hey, you and you're going to get sued because of, you're going to call them because of

the billboard charting album called Santa Cuck. Yeah. The fuck? Yeah. That'sing album called Santa Cuck. Yeah, the fuck? Yeah, that's where we're at, though. Yeah, all right. I can't, there's so much stuff here, but it's stranger than fiction, man. I'll play the second half. Nobody's creative enough to come up with this shit

for somebody's life. I'm gonna play the second half and then I'm gonna get to voicemails just because I don't wanna talk about this anymore. Yeah, all right. It's, I gotta bring Lacey in next week so she can put some, put some Zaz and just interact me from this shit.

Sounds good. Otherwise I'm just talking to lawyers all week. Yeah, right. We're all very excited. Oh, I'm sure they are. Need to request a jury trial because your argument hinges on crying sexism to a jury of full of Manhattan lib tarts. No problem. My first legal summons includes an emotional buzzword

generator so you can virtue signal hard enough to bring down a plane. Clutch referrals and madcooks despicable and vile mocking of the disabled, while conveniently forgetting to mention that he's using the same dumb guy voice that you use to mock your own listeners. Just make sure you don't accidentally send your playtime to a real judge, as he'll wipe your frivolous horse shit off of his desk faster than your great value brand attorney wipes the last remaining $1000 from your bank account. Remember, if your book doesn't sell, it's not because your writing is stale and your

edgelord persona hasn't been viable since 2005. It's because your fans are so dumb that they've been brainwashed by a podcast on the internet. Just like the herd of lobotomized sheep. Yeah. satire is now illegal. It's really what he thinks. He was the word of course with my first legal summons order today. You know, this might sound weird, but I know Maddox pretty well.

And I think that he will be happier not being on the internet, having to write for people. Like writing stressed him out daily. Sure. To the point where I think he's harboring so much resentment to fans, like so much resentment to people who want him to write

that he hates them, that he really actively hates them and believes 100% whether he started it as a joke, which I obviously he did, like copying a field from Alphabet and Manley, this is a fucking joke. I'm not gonna be a jackass and like do the same thing that he's doing, like, oh, how dare you say that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Started as a joke, but it's because when you people do that, it undermines the legitimate arguments. It does. It does. And it's like, no, no, no, you can say he can be a total asshole and go, that's a joke and it's kind of funny. Yeah. I think he's internalized it for so long that he really hates everyone and that this will be, I think it will be better for him if it was just over.

If he could not have to write and not like, I think so. Yeah, I think so. It would probably be a great relief, a huge relief to just be a normal, like just do normal shit, like the rest of us don't,'t you're not you didn't change Hollywood. Yeah. You failed. You came to town on a wagon with with bells on proclaiming to change entertainment and you didn't do it and it's okay. Yeah, it's okay that you failed in Hollywood. It's okay that you fucked up on, it's okay that you don't want to write anymore, Maddox. It's okay.

You don't need to carry the responsibility of putting out this shitty content and anybody who creates anything for any amount of money for a living understands. Anybody who's had to do it on, anybody who has any pressure put on them. Yeah, there's a lot of pressure. But it's different about creating because you don't have to do it. You work it, you feed your family,

you show up to work and do your job. You have to do it. If you're talking about writing on the internet or making God awful YouTube videos, it's something you have to love to do it. If you're talking about writing on the internet or making God awful YouTube videos, it's something you have to love to do. And he just obviously doesn't. Fuck whales is, was a labor, it was, it looks, it looks like a labor to write. It does, it does, it does, it's not, look like there's any joy in that. I haven't read it. There's no joy in the best debate. It's a chill factory of bringing in ease celebrities and sucking them off. You can tell just by looking at it.

Maddox wrote, he had a guest on best debate who was talking about, she was almost raped or some stupid sexual predation story from 10 years ago and he wrote this as a selling point for the episode. And I'm reading this thinking, have you lost your fucking, like, what do you see when you write, oh, you can't wait for Aaron Gibson to tell her story of getting, uh, of getting almost raped? Or this is like, dude, do you give a fuck about this shit? Do you really honestly give a, give, can you really honestly take a look

at yourself and see what you've become? Humping, pumping some kind of bombshell revelation about sexual assault. Stop. Just stop doing it. Stop. It's fine. Take it to the end of the year because our death pool ends at the end of the year. And he can say that that I didn't win again, that he didn't lose again because nobody guessed, you know, but there was no guesses past the end of the year. But just stop doing this. You are killing yourself doing this. You are not a writer. You wrote one book.

That's it. There are, there is a history of one hit wonders and you are one of them. Stop looking at entertainment for inspiration. Look at the stories of the people who have failed before you. And you know what? That one hit wonder, that's one more hit than almost anybody else will have. I don't even look at it as a fail. It's, I mean, as far as a career, I know. I really don't. It's something that happened in your life. Yeah.

The sooner you can realize that that chapter of your life is over. Start another chapter. The sooner you can move on because this life of lawsuits and people endlessly making fun of you on the your own fans endlessly making fun of you on the internet or poisoning yourself is poison yeah it's poison and I didn't do any of it I didn't do any of it. Sean didn't do any of it, even though he's not in the lawsuit. Asterios didn't do a goddamn thing. Madcucks doesn't, Madcucks not only did you not do anything, it doesn't even care. What are you going to sue a guy in college for $400 million? If it wasn't for me, he probably would have just ignored it. Yeah. I mean, I'm choosing to defend him just in case, just because.

But if it wasn't for, if it wasn't for me doing that, then what's the option? Yeah. Just like, yeah, I mean, I don't know, man, I kind of, I mean, another state, I, sue me on the fucking moon, sue me for, sue me for a $1,000,000. Yeah. It just doesn't, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You've become, you've become completely the pressure of LA and it will destroy anyone who comes here.

It turns women into whores and it turns men into broken things, rates, ghouls. I think ghouls is more accurate that take pleasure in misfortune. They consistent in an economy of misery. They conspire together in coffee shops and feed themselves coffee and bitterness. And that's what this town does to people if you come here looking to make your fortune, which he did. Leave, just leave it alone. Cancel the, cancel the fucking lawsuit, just cancel it. Just say, you know what?

Never mind. Never mind. I don't even need an apology. No one needs an apology. Just stop. Stop. You are killing yourself with this. You can't tell because you're the frog in the pot

and you got one hand, you, Maddox, you got one hand outside, cranking it up and you're the only one who can't see it. And I would have told you this five years ago, if it was somebody else, if you were doing this shit to somebody else, just I told him this with a fucking job that he applied for. At defy media or wherever it was, stop, stop, just stop.

You can't fix it, you can't win anything back. You can only stop. Yeah. Or you will be stopped. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right. This, oh, here's some fan art from you for you, Sean.

This was their take on your, your dropping your opinion on the bonus episode. This is a, some kind of a gospel chamber that Maddox is in. This is you and some kind of neat gray uniform. I don't know what that uniform is fun, but pressing a button to release the guy. That is a ridiculous photo of me.

Yeah. I didn't know I could make a face like that. I don't know why anyone thinks your handsome. Look at this ugly photo with this. It's terrible. It's disgusting. It's probably what you look like when you orgasm, when you're high.

Oh. Oh. Oh. All right. This is good. Good. I'm going to close out with Annie up. And I'm going to play some voicemails. Well, all right. That felt good.

Yeah. He's got a, he's got a, he's, Maddox has to hear that. And I know he listens to this show. Well, you know, obsessively probably. Well, I don't know if he listens, but I've always assumed there was, there's somebody in the live chat every week Yeah, you know there has to be from from from show one. Yeah And I know I know that I know he's not getting told this because these these

These hangers on and these little these little monsters just surround you and suck you down Yeah, and he can't tell well. Yeah, can't tell because he wasn't raised right. He can't tell who he can't tell who the bad guys are. That's a shame. Here we go, Annie up. This is also by MC, dumb fake, alias name. This has been John Smith and Sean Jacobson for. Right. Dickshow. Patreon.com slash the Dicks. If you want to contribute to the legal fund, the Save Everyone's Ask legal fund, the lawsuit of the century, dick.show, thedixho.com.

I imagine there might be some new listeners this week. Yeah, because I think this story I'll get a little bit more press this week. I have a feeling that because of the salacious nature of it, and the companies involved, namely Patreon and the Stereosis Company, I have a feeling some places are gonna pick it up. I think so, and they're gonna sensationalize it.

Because that's what the news is. Yeah. All right, see you next Tuesday. So soon, me. I don't give a fuck. So soon, me. Alright, see you next Tuesday. Shit just a second place ranked one hit wonder with the direct bit Look out for a message. Oh Me with those vicious jokes those so Horus Betrayal That got around I can't I'm being sued for vitriol

Not illegal I geez. It's against the law to save my girlfriend as STDs. I didn't say that Oh Yeah, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right Okay, okay, okay, that's enough People that look at you instead of a fucking keyboard when they type makes me such a fucking rage because they do it on purpose. Like they're making a point that's, I don't have the related keyboard when I type, oh no, you look at that mother fucking keyboard. Take you don't, you don't look at me, you get your eyes off me and all that fucking keyboard until the next question and you're asking me.

Unless you're talking, you stare down at that computer, you fucking nerd. Well, that makes me such a fucking race. Nice fucking skill. Yeah, how's that working out for you? You didn't think so. You're getting late at zero. You two feet, two feet, two feet, a mother fucker. God damn, are they all right?

Are they all right? Are they all right? Are they all right? Are they all right? Hey, can I get them in here in time? Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, just giving you that blank stare. It's like, no, I know that when you're doing that

with your hands, that I'm basically talking to a dog. Yeah, like you're giving me the same look that a dog gives me when I talk to it. I know you're not paying attention. Well, no, because you can't. Yeah, stop. Yeah. Even if you're doing nothing,

like you're in a Hannibal Lecter restraint device, I still suspect that you're thinking about something else while I'm talking. Most likely. I need constant, I need a constant feedback loop. Or else, yeah. Or else, I'm gonna smash that fucking keyboard. You're all suspect.

Yeah. Very, very few people can do, can be having two conversations at one time. Yeah, I would have time I would say I would say zero Yeah, you're not one of them. No He's right guys totally right Hey guys this is Maddie P on the road I can't stand it when people just use unnecessarily fancy bullshit to try and make themselves seem smarter To get in my car

Seize the parking permit on my window and goes oh, that's my alma mater. What are you mother? I have never heard A not douche bag use the phrase alma mater unless they were answering a fucking form. Yeah You see that term in print? Why do you have it here? Yeah. Let alone the fact that you have a newspaper? It's a strict prescription. I feel the need to try and bond with this lift driver

for 10 minutes over the fact that you both went to school when you're in a town in the fucking schools located. It's not that special. It's a fuck off my back. I don't care. How can you will never see the smart if you're wearing a shirt that is simultaneously two sides is too big and yet somehow also manages to show off your B cup man boots. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, also for real. It's not easy to make me a rage. Oh, how's that for irony, Sean? Ah, ah, how's that for irony, Sean? Ah, ah! How's that for irony? Maddie P. You know what, it would be,

we gotta do like a Star Wars minute where all the listeners send in there, they read it like one by one, and each everybody sends in like a different portion of the lawsuit so it can be like an audio book with everybody participating. That's pretty awesome. That'd be pretty cool.

Yeah. I'm just saying it'd be cool. That's not awesome. That'd be pretty cool. Yeah. I'm just saying it'd be cool. That's not directive. No. Obviously. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be sued. I don't want to be sued.

I don't want to be sued. I don't want to be sued. Yeah. I don't want to double down. Yeah. Right. I don't want to, I don't have 400 million. I could put, there's a lot of Dix and Holly what I could suck 800 million. Yeah. I don't know.

I can't suck a billion dollars with the Dix. I don't know. I could find Peter Thiel. Butter his ass up. Who's that? Peter Thiel is a gay man who the digs. I don't know. I gotta find Peter Thiel. Butter his ass up. Who's that? Peter Thiel is a gay man who's a billionaire. He was very, he was very involved in Trump's campaign. Oh, we find it Hulk Hogan's lawsuit against Gauker.

Oh, he did. Oh, interesting. Maybe an obscure reference, but Gauker's dead, right? I think so. Yeah, I think he bankrupted him. Yeah. Okay. Hey, I got two for you first. When mail comes in official looking packaging,

because I just immediately throw all my mail away, because I know, but then you get that shit that says, like, important information. It scares you. You can like, let her size shit, and you open it, but it's just cost telling you you're saying bill that's overpriced because they have an internet monopoly. That's bullshit. And second and most importantly, when you're fucking the shit out of a girl,

you go to slap her ass and you're it's supposed to be the most orgasmic slap of your life and you don't get anything you slap it and it's like the aid of a balloon disslating like yeah and your dick just disappears. See that's unimaginable stress your dick falls off because you slapped a chick's ass wrong. And then your dick disappears. I could imagine that level of stress. Stressful. Okay, the official looking package is a packaging one. It's always differently sized too.

When they fuck with the packaging, it's a trick to get you to open it. Here's one. Here's one when it's the fake hand-writing one. Yeah, you ever seen this one? Sure, absolutely. Fake hand-writing on bills. Oh man, you gotta take that or you take the send back envelope, postage paid by sender and you just slap it on a sender block.

Now there you go, pay for that when you cock suckers. You waste my fucking time. Yeah, have you seen the ones that look like tax documents? Like the double tear off, the perforated, like, like, 1099s or something, but they're ads. Tricky. Tricky. Proof, people are capable of any and all evil that they would do that. Do such a thing to trick you waste your time.

Secondly, you probably have all those for, for Maddox, right? All those tax documents you're withholding. Oh, yeah. That perforated stuff that's supposed to be, you know, going to him. My W9s, you mean. Yeah, they're not mentioned in the suit. Because he, because he finally Googled what a W9 is.

Yeah. I heard that. I mean, I figured that he knows what a tax document is and like that there's actual financials and stuff that you're, you know, he's with holding tax documents. 1099s, you know, a'm just with hauling tax documents, 10.99s, you know, quest for information. For social security number.

Yeah, or in the, or in the, I'll never send you my social security. Yeah, or in the I.N. You can do, yeah, it does it. You can do it without a social security number. Of course. Secondly, ask slapping. Oh man, not this very embarrassing to slap an ass

and you want a nice crack. You want to start, it's like a start of a race. You want a starting line pistol when you slap an ass. Yeah, instead it's like missing a high five. Oh, so that is like two fingers sort of thud, that thud and like, oh man, I know. I want this slap to reverberate through this bitch's bones. I do it.

Wham, right? I wanted to just come and spray right off of my cock. A little bit, a little bit, lewd there. Perhaps a little bit over the line. Maybe. I want a nice, wham, like rocky beating a, hanging meat. Yeah.

Wham, crack, I want to hear it echo in the bedroom. Yeah. Crap, Crap, Crap. I want birds outside to go, WAH, WAH, WAH, WAH. You got to wigs. I slapped that ass so fucking hard. Right, right.

Crap. I want to feel it. Mm-hmm. I want to feel it in my dick. Right. WAM. This is so it just starts buzzing, like a tuning rod. Bam. You get some weak ass. You get a palm hit on her. Bam! This is how it just starts buzzing, like a tuning rod. Bam! You get some weak ass, you get a palm hit on her.

Ah, man! I had one shot. You always gotta try again, but it's, she's just never as good. Moments passed. Yeah, it's never, it's just, Look as that failure is echoing in your mind a little bit. And hers, yeah, you know, and hers.

Even if, no matter how good you do it, it's, it's, then it just reminds you of the other one. And then you overcompensate and you get a little too angry and it's too hard and she knows that it's, but they're good sport. For everything that women do wrong, they are good sports in bed. I'll give them that.

Because we're trying to put on a, you know, trying to put on a performance for you ladies. They got all these things. I learned these techniques listening to the Dix show. I'll give him that. We're trying to put on a performance for you ladies. They got all these things. I learned these techniques listening to the Dix show. I'm trying to put them into practice. I slapped my man's ass one time. So hard that he fell over.

Well, that's impressive. My burning man, him and his wife, that just a weed were having some ass slapper he was going on. Yeah. And it was weak, it was pathetic. So let me show you guys. What are you guys doing? Is that how you slap each other's asses?

Yeah. You do this in the van? No, no, no, no. That's not how you slap an ass. Sounds like a, it sounds like you're just hitting like a chicken breast. Cottonball hitting a pillow. Yeah, I can barely even hear anything

Yeah, sounds like you've got a brush a painter's brush. Yeah, you're just whipping it Mm-hmm. It sounds like you're you've got a painter's brush and you're touching it to a Baby are your hands cheerleader palm palms? Yeah, yeah, what are you guys doing? So they showed and they're like well, let's see you do it. All right. You got a puncher like Floyd hits his women. Oh, I didn't hit her. I hit him. I was demonstrating to her how to do it. Oh. Is it all right? Let's do it. Man, my man stand right there. And I wound up like happy Gilmore. Oh, good. Right. With this ass slapping because Because it's really just an excuse

for you to punch somebody. No, no, no. Let me show you something. This will be so fun. I'm gonna miss and hit them in the dick. I knew that in his, I knew that, yeah. I'm gonna use the wrong hand. I'm gonna wind up with this hand

and then go around the front and punch them right in the dick. Ace. Yeah. I can imagine it. That's stressful, but I can imagine it. Yeah. I wound up like happy Gilmore and I was like,

all right, this is kind of gay, because I bet he would like this. He's a real shame junkie. I probably shouldn't be saying that. That's my impression, I get. I think I know what you get down on in the bedroom. Gotcha. So this is a little, just because I'm aware of that,

I think this is a little bit gay. But that's on me because I shouldn't be, like, you know, that's a, I shouldn't be aware of that. I didn't figure that out. I didn't choose to figure that out. All right, so that gets me off the hook for the gay part. Okay, so I wound up just so we're clear, I'm not gay, Sean.

Okay, good, that's what I'm saying. So I wound up like happy Gilmore and stepped into a legendary ass lab. Like his eyes shot out of his head like that black lady. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. His hat popped up. Huh. That sound where you intertune town played.

Broom. And he fell over. He launched over. His ass, his hips went forward. Yeah. And the rest for a moment, the rest of the remainder of his body stayed still, but his hips went forward. Yeah. And the rest for a moment, the remainder of his body stayed still,

but his hips stretched out. Yeah. It was so hard. And it had to wait for the rest of his body to catch up. To where he could almost look at his own ass. Yeah. If you went down to the side. If you looked down to the side,

then he held up a little sign and it said, wow, that was, that was hard. Yeah. Couldn't think of a point for that. They fell over That wasn't no that wasn't coach. That was my man Steven Okay, pretty good voicemail. Hmm Hey, Dick, I'm just driving my car It's my mom's birthday today and driving home really quickly to ride her a card

What is the point of cards? I got cut off. But what's the point of cards? It's you wasting your time. Six love that. Yeah, people, people. Yeah, people. There's nothing better.

If you just, you just like, hey baby, I wasted a bunch of time for you today, they would love that. But they know that we could lie about that. So we have to have little trinkets and bullshit to show them that we wasted our time. I wasted, you could say, honey, I wasted 30 minutes today just thinking about you,

sitting in the closet and thinking about you, not in a sexual way or in a way that gratifies me only to you and your glory. Yeah. Amen. And that's a card. Look, I drove to some store that I've never been in and looked at all these cards that are exactly the same. All out of fear. No man has ever purchased a card for the love of the card. They love it. They get off on it. It's like they're all having a movie saw all the time with their tricks and traps. I need a card. They love it. That's why it is. If you could just get a fireman to sign a note that you wasted your time in some way, that would be just as good.

Yeah, some of them. The artwork in the poetry means nothing. Some authority figure. Yeah, the time police would The artwork in the poetry means nothing. Some authority figure. Yeah, the time police would come in and could write you a note, give you a permission slip that you wasted your time. Hey, Dick, John, it's Red Wolf from IRC. And you know what I love to do when I'm not, you know, shit-coasting and being a top artist, finding, you know, dirt on people. I like to have burritos. But you know what makes me a fucking rave is a shitty goddamn tortilla as well as a fucking window my ear. But a shitty goddamn tortilla, you know, you had all this great food inside

the burrito and you can't hold this fucking thing. Rip it through it. You have to use that to do it. Like Wolverine. Oh, thanks. But it's fucking tortilla. He's a part of this red and you're like, I can't like, I might as well have a fucking bowl. Not a goddamn burrito. Yeah, but no, no. I wanted a burrito and they fucked it up for me. Thanks for this bowl. I gave a rage for the property because I'm so glad mad about this. Thanks for this plate of beans and rice.

If I had wanted a plate of beans and rice, I would have just ordered that. Yeah. But you guys have this paper thin tortilla that's as thin as Jim toilet paper, as one ply toilet paper that I just shred my fingers through like their talons. Yeah. It just, or just, you know, wherever the structural weakness is, that you take one bite and it just busts out the side. And then it's on your fucking hand coming down.

You're telling me that you, that you didn't know of this issue. Yeah. Nobody in the restaurant has experienced this. Yeah. None of your employees eat here. They just love taking one bite. The fucking load stone of the burrito. The load bearing corner of the burrito and the entire thing unravels.

Oh, fuck you. Yeah. Absolute that preposterous. I'm with them. I'm with them with them I think that's a lawsuit I hate that very good see here all you let's go well it's a cure I got new rage for you my rage today is fucking it up you know like when you're like laying in bed and by through off just trying to get to sleep, trying to put all the stuff up during the

day, trying to put out of the head, just like wait for that nice little sleek sleek to wash all over you and you start to think about all the times you just like fucked it up. Yeah. It could be like a girlfriend used to date. Fucked it up. Super nice. could be like a girlfriend used to date Super nice Or something the wrong person and you fucked it up or maybe like you were gonna Hook up with the girl and it was just like rolling so smooth and you just said the wrong thing Or you like got cold feet or a little bit of a bitch and just busted up Yeah, when I found a Starbucks rapper in my car and saw that a girl had written her email on

it when the baristas perhaps and said, well, there's a fucking lost opportunity. Yeah. To fuck up. Right. I could have, oh, I could have easily, I could have easily emailed this girl and embarrassed myself and then fucked that up. Right. I missed the opportunity to fuck up twice.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. I missed the opportunity to fuck up twice. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Ah, fuck. That shit, dude. You just like, you replay in your head over and over. Like there's like some sort of time machine you can jump back into and just go slap yourself in the face to, hey, don't fuck it up this time. Fuck it up with that.

Too fucking late. Thorie gone. I was actually, I was watching. Just thank get you like two fucking wait. Story gone. I was actually I was watching just thank him. Just thank him for doing the show. Back video on your YouTube. Now I was just like, man, that was such a good show. Biggest problem?

That was a good show right there. That fucked all up. That fucked up. Just because like someone had problems about the fucking chick. Fucked it up. Just fucked it up. Just because like someone had problems about the fucking shake. Fucked it up. Just fucked it up. Can't and you can't, you can't go back. Can't go back. Nope. You didn't do it. Never get a back as gone forever. No, it's gone. Off the face to the earth. You know, anti-raged time machine, time machine or alternate reality verse. Okay. See how the. All all right, that's that's enough. Oh, he's just riffing. Yeah, I've been watching Rick and Morty

I'm trying to trying to play it off that he wasn't watching Rick and Morty But he obviously was one what do you want one more? Yeah, sir. Let's do one more Okay, Sean wants one more Hey, how you doing? How's the family? This is just your body calling you all the way from the district court here in New York I'm going to be the judge residing over your case. Oh, that's cool. Bring it against you. I heard some rumors from your camp that you kind of think that I don't have jurisdiction over you because you're all the way in LA. Yeah, that's right. First of all, don't ever tell me how to do my job.

I'm telling you about it. I'm telling you how jurisdiction works here in New York, all right? If you look at New York, if you breathe on New York, you even think about New York, get in my jurisdiction, get a beach. All right, just wanted to get off that straight. I said, can I just settle for you at the trial, okay? And don't think about skipping down these, all right? in my jurisdiction. Okay. All right. Just wanted to get off that straight. I'll take care of yourself. I'll be in the crowd. Okay.

And just think about skipping down these. All right. You think you're safe out there in LA? You're not. We've got people everywhere. You know what I'm saying? All right. God bless you.

Take care. You're gonna think about New York. You're in my jurisdiction. The LA family. The LA family snell, but it's still here. Ha, ha. Uh, Shelby Durham sent me this dick. Here's a little something for yourself to share with guests.

Maybe it can be the fuel to get you started on the new book. What do people think of not safe for women? Sean's idea for my new book. Let me see. Don't know. I attached electrical tape to the neck because the new caps are super shitty. It was a bottle of whiskey that you sent me.

You're super shitty and you're fucking with shipping. I hope you enjoyed the whiskey sample. I sent last year I do. I haven't drank at all. I've a bottle of whiskey that he sent me. Super shitty and you're fucking with shipping. I hope you enjoyed the whiskey sample. I sent last year, I do. I haven't drank at all. I've had some of it and it's amazing. Yeah. Thank you for the shout out on the show. Happy Thanksgiving and Cuxmas.

But Christmas too. Shelby Durham, go fuck yourself. So he sent him kick ass bottle of whiskey that I also think I already drank. It was amazing. That's what I was drinking when at 1 p. I already drank. It was amazing. That's what I was drinking when at 1 p.m. Dick said he was doing a bonus episode, but he was too drunk.

He said that at 1 p.m. by the way, Eddie Reigns, fucking Nark. Thanks Eddie. Thanks for embarrassing me, you fucking asshole. Let's see here, somebody. Somebody, I got a bunch of spoons. Aaron Smallwood sent me a bunch of candies and a spoon from Canada.

How about that? I get a pretty decent kickass collection here. Really are, my dear. I got to have probably, what, between six and 10? Over 10. Over 10. Yeah. Over 10.

All right, and see you guys, see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. Thanks, guys. All right, and see you guys, see you next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. Thanks, guys.