The Dick Show - Episode 78 - Dick on Stealing Shows

Episode Date: November 28, 2017

My legal dream team, not helping someone up when they're down, Madcucks reads his own version of the letter, Carmen Mandiego, flu shots are a scam, falling off a child's bicycle ramp, Larry doesn't wax-off at his TNS Dojo--if you know what I'm talking about, Bitcoin retirement homes, silicone ice trays, Ken White sends out the Popehat signal and despises me, a keen eye for Morlocks branding, I track down the Maddox fan who I believe is responsible for all vulgar abuse directed at Mental Jess, the fate of free speech online rests in the hands of Santa Cuck, unboxing dress shirts, dominant hands, and I steal an entire podcast from Madcast Media, how's that for irony? All that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Hey, you want diggin' you diggin' love dig? You got it! It's the show where everything is a lawsuit. Coming to you, coming to you from a... From a concrete bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure, I am your host. Dick Masters in the $20 million man, the $20 million man coming to you live. From a mountain bunker, the 20 million dollar man who is reduced to nothing. Personally and professionally was rebuilt using only Goss, a demon of techno, Goss monster

creation like Frankenstein, but Gossinstein. That's what they did to me, Sean. Audio engineer with me has always shown the audio engineer. Hello, did it. Hey, what's up, buddy? They rebuilt me from nothing. They did. They did.

They said we can rebuild him. We have the hot guys. Better than you ever needed or wanted. Better than you ever needed or wanted. More dick. A million would be fine or six million. A million dollar man. Yeah.

Joke. Right. That's a joke. That's a wrestler. Million dollar man, you know how many millionaires there are now? The Bitcoin is above 9,000. Oh, millions. Millions, there's everyone's a millionaire. Right, look, if you're not a millionaire after Bitcoins went above 9,000, you should

pretty much just kill yourself. Yeah, yeah. Because it was very easy to buy a bunch of Bitcoins for like five dollars. Because you're certainly not gonna ever do it in real money. You never have this chance again. This opportunity will never, if you were not one of the people that had the foresight to buy a joke currency for 10 bucks, you could get, somebody paid 10,000 bitcoins for a pizza.

I have a lot of monopoly money. You did it wrong. You chose poorly, like the guy in Indiana Jones, like that Nazi. He chose poorly. Or maybe he was just a belligerent. Oh, okay. I found out, so if you were a country that fights a war, no, no, no, no, the belligerent. In World War II, if you were not like an Axis or Allied power, there was guys who were

just, who countries who were just like, you know, fuck you guys. You gotta own shit to deal with. They were called belligerent states. Oh, that's funny because usually belligerent refers to the two forces combating each other. Fighting each other. Look, I didn't come up with these memes. This is old, these are old school memes

that we're talking about. Yeah. World War II era memes. Yeah. The memes of the day of that era were so quaint and cute and darling. Yeah. Uncle's like a child created them. The minds, the meme-medic minds of our ancestors are a joke to us, Sean. They were just right on the nose with their memes. Red, white and blue. Yeah. It was their meme, just red.

Yeah. That was the Soviet's meme. Yeah. Laffable. Yeah. Laffable these memes. No, they didn't have gifts at all. Isn't China red too?

China's also red. What's the symbol for, is why is red associated with communism? I don't know. That's a good question. I was reading this interesting, I was reading this interesting passage in democracy in America, that talkable book that I always quote to looks more. Oh, is that where that comes from? Yeah. And he was saying that my opinion is entirely changed. Now he was saying that in America, he, so, so interesting, like he called

this before the Civil War, he's like, the future is America versus Russia. Yeah in America Everybody's fighting the wilderness and the world like the like fighting to survive in the wilderness, but in Russia Men the war is men against the desires of other men Oh, as these countries slowly put the yoke on both of their respective foes series slowly put the yoke on both of their respective foes. They will harness these incredible powers like the US in industry and resource and Russia in like men. And this was pre-civil war. Yeah, long, long time ago. Totally right. I don't know what that means about the color red. Well, but he called it. It was a, you know, it was a segue of nothing else. Look Sean, my point was, if you don't,

if you don't have any bitcoins, now the bitcoins are over 9,000, there's really no excuse for you. Yeah. I mean, there's no reason for you. Just paint yourself red. Just paint yourself red and jump off a roof. Yep.

You know, you might just evaporate before you even hit the ground. If you don't have any bitcoins. Yeah. God, cock suckers. It's gonna get worse too. Yeah. Every piece of shit idiot coming out of the woodwork.

Right. I just found these. Instant experts on it. Instant experts on cryptocurrency. On cryptocurrency. Yeah. Everybody's gonna get themselves a new round of hair plugs. Oh.

Oh, anyway. How about that? Yeah. Pretty crazy. Yeah. There was a show where everything is a lawsuit. I'm the $20 million dollar manual stick masters and road rage Chicago is next week. It is.

Sunday we got a lot of cool shit planned. Sweet. Mad Cux is gonna read the letter. Peach is gonna sing a song. Who knew the peach had such a beautiful voice. Great. Yeah, man. It's great. And more than that, she performs. Yeah, and I'm not being funny. You know, that's it's it's one thing to have the instrument. It's another thing to really put it out there. And it's another thing to sink your tits into it. You're saying. Yeah. Yeah. You really can. Yeah. Real. She really went for it. No, she really brings it across. I'm putting together. Thank you to all the

new Patriones out there. The Dixiau Patrion is approaching 25 grand dude. Incredible. Fuck. Thank you. Incredible. From both me and Sean. Sean, who shares a tremendous windfall, although he doesn't have to pay for any legal defense. So yeah, that's a little. Yeah. I hope you really enjoyed. I do stay new to it for a year, Sean. Now you don't have to be on the lawsuit like the rest of us. I, I still don't know why I'm not.

Me either. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I'm putting together my legal defense team. Is that right? Yeah. Probably pretty good. My law squad.

Yeah, law squad. Yeah, it's Johnny Cochran. I'm putting feelers out to these people. Oh, God. They all represent me. Yeah. Johnny Cochran, my cousin Vinny, Kardashian. Uh, no.

I thought you wanted a dad-ass lawyer. I thought you wanted a dead, like a dead team. No. Oh, Johnny Cochran's dead. Yeah. Okay, I got to cross him off. Johnny thought you wanted a dead, like a dead team. No. Oh, no. Any Cochrane's dead? Yeah. Okay, I got to cross him off. Johnny Cochrane's dead, Kardashian's dead.

Okay. Bruce Jenner's dead also. Bruce Jenner's dead. Did you hear that some sexual assault charges came out on him? I heard something about that. Yeah. I was trying to think of a joke. Can you be prosecuted? Like he molested.

I mean, his self is a woman. Oh, okay. Something like that. There's a joke in there. Whatever. Atticus Matlock. I want on my legal. I'm on all squad. Also dead. Tom Hanks from Philadelphia, who had AIDS. Yeah. Also dead. He's dead too. I don't know. I didn't see that move. Kramer from Kramer versus Kramer. Oh, on him to, you should get on Kramer from Seinfeld. Yeah, that's who I assume was in that movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tom Cruise, I want the truth guy. Yep, yep, screaming at Maddox. I want the truth. Yeah. I want the truth about these Harry's download numbers. Yeah. I want the right. Yeah.

You can't handle the truth. Maddox, you can handle the truth. I've been, I have PTSD. Yeah. I went there, right? Yeah. You can't handle the truth. Yeah. Maddox, you can't handle the truth. That was, I've been, I have PTSD. Yeah. Somebody posted about Maddox's old article about Elizabeth Smart. You remember that girl that was kidnapped,

raped and all this stuff, all this bad stuff? They got a quote from, and then walked out of the guy's house, I guess. Yeah. Hey, you know, it's, mine control is a dangerous thing. Well, you know, you don't know because they said, because it's like, if you run away, we know where you live, we're going to find your family and kill them. I guess it's funny to say, you know, walk away, but it kind of has a consequence attached

to it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Her quote from Elizabeth Smart was, well, I just live every day knowing that it could get worse and try to keep a positive attitude. And meanwhile, contrast that with Maddox's statements on Elizabeth Smarritt and then his quote is, I live in unimaginable suffering every day

because people are making fun of me on the internet. She was a target of his. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, he wrote a big article about what the fuck an idiot she was. Two Matthew McConaughey's I want on my law squad. Yeah. Two of them, right.

One from the Lincoln lawyer. And another movie, I can't remember. I want two Matthew McConaughey's cross examining every witness. What a time to kill. A time to kill. Yeah. All right. All right.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly why L.Y. L.Y. All right. I. G. Lion. And then the other Matthew McConaughey goes, I checked. He's like, what if she was white? Yeah. What do you think of that? Yeah. Hairies. And then all the jury cries. And then they let them off. Defaming. D E F M N. Yeah. That's what it will be. Aaron Brockovich. Oh,. Oh, yeah, I want on my legal defense team, right? They're called they're called tits Maddox. That's what you'll say. Yeah, the defense breasts

John Quincy Adams oh Amistad for president former president John Quincy, from Amistad, give us free. That guy, right? The second Adams, you don't want the dad. No, I don't want the dad. No, I don't want the baby shit. Billy Flynn, Billy Flynn. Movie Chicago.

Shit, I didn't see it. Richard Geer, he's gonna take the stand and then shoot a bunch of hamsters out of his ass. It's a musical. Hahaha. Like Winona Ryder and South Park, except the guy. Yeah, it's the guy Park, except the guy. Yeah, it's the guy.

Yeah, yeah, right. Right, right, right, all over the courtroom. Right. And we'll see who's guilty. He was another lawyer in primal fear. Yeah, I don't want that lawyer there. That guy lost. That guy was an idiot.

Yeah, the lawyer for the party. Chicago, that was a good lawyer. That's the lawyer I want. Okay. And then they all come together under my cousin Vinny. He directs them all. Yeah. He's got the bombshell covered. Right. Right?

Yeah. This is an expert legal team that I'm going to... His secret weapon is Marissa Tome. Yeah. And they always have to be at odds with one another. Because she can identify the difference between limited slip and positraction. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. You remember that movie. I do. I'll tell you what makes me a rage. She can identify the difference between limited slip and positraction. Yeah, yeah, on a... Yeah. You remember that movie. I do. I'll tell you what makes me a rage. A bunch of things. A bunch of things that are not lawsuit related. I, oh man, I've, dude, I took maybe the biggest spill

on a bicycle that I've ever taken in my life. The fuck are you doing on a bike? Well, the little Irishman got a ramp for his birthday. He's, yeah, he's okay in the head, right? He seems to be really preoccupied with ramps. No, no, he's, well, he's okay. And anything that looks, he's a little boy, please. Anything that looks like a ramp.

A little, little boys are obsessed with ramps. Sand, it's a ramp. He got a ramp for his birthday. Planta, brick planner, it's a ramp. So my a ramp for his birthday. Planta? Brick planner, it's a ramp. So my sister's throwing, my sister pulled a Thanksgiving coup this year. Oh. Where we always do it at my parents' house

because it's wonderful. Yeah. It's spread out. Exactly, you got a lot of room. And there's no little, there's no little monsters there tearing through it. It's just always what we've done. But this year, my sister pulled a flat out Thanksgiving coup.

So we're doing it at my house. And I didn't hear about this until it's too late. It's like, oh, great. There's gonna be a lot of changes this Thanksgiving is what I'm saying. So I get up there, start wheeling the kids, wheeling the kids toys out. And I get a glimpse of this ramp.

And I've heard tell of this ramp, and I'm still a little boy at heart, who's not? I'm like, I gotta see, I gotta fuck this ramp. Yeah, let's go wheel it out. Like how often this is a, I never had a well built ramp as a child. No, because they were always homemade from some kids' dad. Yeah, you found a piece of plywood and you stacked it up on some bricks.

That's true. Yeah, we did it 10 miles an hour. And it would shatter and splinter. You maybe get two jumps out of it. You're right. You've got the cinder block that you could find in the garage. Like it's a measly, a chinsy little six inch jump. It felt like the curb was higher than the ramps

that I had as a kid. That we had to build ourselves and that you'd hit the front of these ramps and the ramp would go shooting off. You'd go, well, I just wasted my time and embarrassed myself. Now I'm just gonna ride over these bricks, throw the bike in the street and go sit on the side of the house and pow,

but this motherfucker, my nephew has a full blown, like real ramp that he got for his birthday. Sean, I've seen a picture of this thing. When they said they were gonna get this for the kid, the five-year-old kid, we're gonna get him this ramp. Oh, fucking awesome. Let me take a look at this ramp, right? It is beautiful that thin plywood, the thin plywood. You know what I mean? Not the big crappy stuff from Home Depot that somebody has sprayed an orange cross on for some reason. Thin plywood, it's reinforced with baffling.

It has sides and underneath the sides, there's ribbing. There's ribbing like a ship. They look see worthy. And at the tail of the ramp is a sheet metal that extends out into the street. For a nice smooth, you don't even know you're hitting the ramp. Right? I look at this thing.

If you can't jump off this ramp, it's like Bitcoin, right? You should just kill yourself. Okay. Well calm down. Oh with that I looked at this picture of this thing. I was like, oh man, I can't I really can't wait to get a piece of this ramp Yeah, right never had the little me inside of me is like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah We got to get hold of this ramp. Yeah, so I I Peel up different Thanksgiving And I am subtly checking out the garage. Hey, what do you think about,

what do you think we real out that ramp? No, he just got it for his birthday. He's got it a week ago for his birthday. Okay. So my brother-in-law says, okay. He loads up the ramp and it comes out of the garage like a refrigerator. And I think, oh, that's way bigger than you feel.

That's way bigger than I thought it was. Okay. And it gets set up. But I don't know what it is. For some reason, when I get really stressed out, like with this lawsuit, the stressed out mean drunk. No, it's worse than drunk. Like I get this, I get, I feel like I get stuck in my own head. Yeah.

Where I just need to do, I need to do something wrong to get out of it. Like my head feels like a prison. Like the same thing happened when I wrecked my car in the rain. I knew I was behaving recklessly, but I didn't anyway, because I just got this guy that's just like, just like go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. You gotta feel something different. Yeah.

And I think there was a lot of that in play. Because I grabbed the first bike I could find. My brother-in-law's trail bike. And I go down to the end of the cul-de-sac and I come tearing ass towards this enormous ramp. Yeah, it might as well have been 10 feet tall. Okay. This ramp. I don't know how tall it was. Probably wasn't 10 feet tall.

But I come barreling down to this ramp and I realize, uh, number one, I haven't ridden a bike in like a year, two years. Oh, yeah. And I've never gone off a ramp before because when I was a kid I had crummy ramps like a dictionary. because when I was a kid, I had crummy ramps like a dictionary with like the height of a curb, you know, like a child doing their best. I've never dealt with no professional fucking ramps. Yeah. That was part of it. And I had just watched Jackass. Oh, boy. So I had that like cigarette smokers voicing me going like, oh, yeah, you really should, you deserve to get hurt. You're good and inspired today.

And Jamie was there. This is like, you're gonna show off. Yeah, it's how, imagine how awesome this would be. Yeah. So I hit the ramp, right when the ramp gets put down, I hit it and I go, I go maybe a couple feet and everything starts going very wrong. And I go, I go maybe a couple feet and everything starts going very wrong. The front wheel plants into the ground

and the shocks, it just, it lawn darts into the fucking asphalt. Oh, it has shocks. The dude, the shocks. And then the shocks begin. And it feels like I'm riding on mashed potatoes. Yeah, it's weird. If you haven't, because like we didn't have those when we were kids. No, I had a huffy. Yeah. There was no springs in that thing. No, no, no, the bikes didn't have that. That's what I was expecting. Yeah. Like riding something rigid, but man, when that spring, when that spring hit,

And when that spring hit, I had about a couple milliseconds to think, oh, wow, this thing is going to bounce back like a trebuchet. And I am totally fucked. Like this, these handlebars are going to kick like a mule when this thing is done compressing my fat ass into the asphalt, which it is currently doing. It's going to kick me right in the neck, like a goddamn horse. So wait, are you telling me that you didn't go off the ramp yet? Or you were in the air.

This was off the ramp. This was off the end of the ramp. Right, so now you're starting to head nose down. Like a porpoise into the asphalt. In front of my sister's family house. Right. Sure enough, I feel that give stop. And those, my God, man.

Fuck. In my head, like, well, I think this is just what you wanted. This is what you wanted. You knew this was gonna happen and you did it anyway. Like, just like, you know, just like you know carrying shit with one arm is gonna drop all over the place. Like, you know, just like you know carrying shit with one arm is gonna drop all over the place Like you know holding your like you know fiddling with your phone above your face and bed

It's gonna fall right on your fucking teeth Just like you know all this shit is gonna go wrong and you wanted it to go wrong Yeah, but you know what I'm doing with it, but yourself. Yeah And I was like oh god damn it. Okay. It's time to start planning. And that's when the handlebars snapped back. My hands had no, no, no chance of stopping that from instantly off. Yep. And I'm like, well, okay, let's just calmly think about this. Number one, gotta protect the hands. Gotta protect the hands.

Yeah, sure. I've had my hands wrecked so many times in my life. And you use them for stuff. And I use them for stuff. I use them like a, I use them to play instruments. I use them to lure in broads like that pie and a 30s cartoon. Do you do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do all this legal, logal nonsense that's happening. Sure. And another book next year, I have to write that

because I vowed to do so. So I got to protect the hand. So I curl my hands up. I curl my hands up like a, like a fetus, right? Yeah. Or whatever. Take the front of it with your head. Yeah, and I hit the well then I thought,

oh shit, but what about my head? But there was not enough time, not enough time for that. Oh, dude, I hit, I hit the bike. And it felt like Donatello had just jabbed a bow staff into my neck, into my tits, my knee got all the skin scraped off of it. Oh. And I'm rolling around, I'm rolling around on the ground.

So you're on the asphalt, On the asphalt, just going, like unable to breathe. Yeah, because I got the win-knocked at me. Yeah. Jamie runs over freaking out. Yeah. And it's in that moment where when you're in an incredible amount of pain and you see hands start jabbing at you to help you.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. Which is the worst part. and you see hands start jabbing at you to help you, right? Which is the worst part. Because I've been kicked so hard, I've been knocked unconscious, I've had my collarbone, broken, I've had every, I've broken every extremity in my body and the worst part is someone coming over to pretend to be like a faith healer where the first thing, for some reason,

the first thing they wanna do is get you back on your feet. Yeah. And you're like, I don't know if I have feet. I don't know what's, hang on. Stop, just fucking give me a second. Yeah. Just give me a second. Go step away.

Step away like I'm at the ATM. I need five feet in all directions. So none of you people try to pick me up. Yeah, I get it. You can lift me, fucking calm down. I don't know what's, I don't know what's still together here. Right. But you can't say that.

Because then you're an asshole. Well, you can't say, hey, get the fuck away from me. Get the fuck away from me. You gotta go, I take it, pull it all in. You know, pull all the groaning in the morning in and I say, if you could just give me a minute, I just need a minute, but it feels like I just got, it feels like I just got crucified by my neck.

I managed to spit that out. What did it hit? You hit the, oh, it hit every handlebars. It hit the handlebars and the ground. I hit the ground with everything. I just don't bounce back, but the, oh, it hit every handlebars. Handlebars. And the ground, I hit the ground with everything. Yeah, yeah. Just don't bounce back. But the worst part, the worst part is it fucked up my jerk off arm.

Oh, no. Yeah. So, now I'm stuck, my tits all messed up. Uh-huh. Like, it doesn't work. My whole left side of my body is fucked up and it hurts. Yeah. But that's, that's my jerk off hand. Why? Because the other hand is...

The right hand doesn't know what it's doing. Because it's using a mouse. I don't know, keyboard. I don't know why it is. The right hand feels like a guy. Do you not use one hand over the other? Well, I mean, I would think most people use their dominant hand.

So you think right handed people jerk off with their right hand. I mean, yeah, I would think so. But you might, but again, there's the, then there's the mouse if you're on the computer. But see, also you play a guitar and you do the diddly-do's with your left hand.

So I'm thinking that that's similar because you need more, you need that fine dexterity. It's hard with your dick as well as with a guitar. So don't you think that more people would use their non-dominant hand to jerk off? Good question. Let's take a poll. That's what I'm saying. I certainly don't believe the through the fly over the fly or over the pants. Look, so I'm fucked. So now every time I jerk off, because at that point, my brain is going crazy. And I think I could just,

I could just use, it doesn't, it doesn't hurt that bad. Yeah, right? I could squeeze one out. How long, you know, one out. How long could it take? How much is it possibly gonna hurt? And every time, right after I think, fuck! You can't stop. You gotta use the other hand. The right one, which has no idea what it's doing. The right one I'm shouting at,

in the middle of like, what the, what are you fucking doing? Is this supposed to feel good to you? You dumb motherfucker? No, it's nothing. It knows nothing, but it doesn't even fit. It doesn't even, my dick doesn't even fit him a right hand. But I'm stuck with that. Stuck trying to pound a square dick with a round hand.

Yeah. Your life is hard. Oh yeah. It's very hard and this stress is mounting from the lawsuit, but I can't even jerk off. Yeah. Because I busted my jerk off hand. Oh no. We had a couple. You should have picked the bike up and body slammed it. No, because my brother and law immediately ran out and goes, well, I hope you didn't fuck up my bike. That sounds right. It's an expensive bike. Yeah.

Just shut the fuck up. Get away from me for a... Yeah. Yeah. What's the, what's the, nephew you're doing? Is he laughing? No, he didn't see.

Oh, he didn't see. Thank God. And nobody got video. That's the worst thing, dude. That was, I was thinking of it before I could breathe again. Like, no, we didn't give video of this fuck. Yeah, it was rough. Let's see, there was a Thanksgiving coup.

I'll tell you what else makes me rage. Silicon ice cube trays. Oh, you have any of these? I don't think so. Don't get them. They're the devil. I don't even know what a, is it rubbery? Yes. Is that what they are?

So it's sort of silicon. They're rubbery little ice cube trays that make perfectly square ice cubes. But they are impossible to get the ice out of them. You look like a complete asshole. Every time you try to get, you're like an otter trying to open a clam on your chest with these goddamn silicon ice cube trays. What's supposedly the advantage of a silicon

is it's supposed to be easier to get out? Because it's just something new that was ruined. Really? Everything will be ruined. And this was next in line. They looked at the ice cube trays, and they thought, well, those are doing perfectly fine job. You just give them a crack, right?

Fill them up, give them a crack, instant ice. What we need to do is we need to, we need to have perfectly square ice. Sure. Because visually it looks better than canoe ice. Okay. So we'll sell morons, these silicon ice trays that have no mechanism

to free the ice in them. You have to claw at them. Stupid. Like you're a paleontologist, getting bones out of the ground. Yeah. Stabbing and peeling ice back. It's disgusting. Yeah, that doesn't sound like it would give ice back. It's disgusting. Yeah, that doesn't sound like it would give any advantage whatsoever.

No, and that was all Thanksgiving. Every time I want to drink, I already can't move, because I have my arm in a sling. I'm clawing ice cubes out of silicon ice cube trays. They've got to all be thrown away. So you're never going to your sister's house again. I hope not. Yeah. It was and it was a real, it was a real show too. Because she had all this fancy, all these fancy plates. Yeah. Like she was really trying to make it

her own thing subtly. How'd she time the dinner and everything? Oh, so because this is what you've done. You have them set out for dinner comes out the turkey comes out and it's all ready to go and I'm thinking fuck finally. Let's see because I showed up way early to start drinking because I thought we were eating it like one. Yeah, because I didn't read the right fucking email. Sure. Turns out we were eating it like four. Okay. So the turkey finally comes out. It smells beautiful, radiating heat, and wonderful smells, aromatic, delicious meat that's just, just come out of the smoker, right? It's got juice, delicious brine and juice all over it.

Dinner, let's go. Time to eat. Turkey gets put on the table. All of these sides get put on the table. And I sit down to a very nice China. And I think, what the fuck is this shit? What is this? This isn't, since when do we have a nice,

since when do we have a China setup with like six forks on either side? The fuck, where is this? Yeah. That's the S-Car GO. Are we on the Titanic? The salad. Yeah, so I'm hungry.

I just take all the plates and move them aside and start serving myself potatoes and yams and shit, right? I don't need this stack of garbage. I don't need this stack of garbage. I don't need this stack of extra plates. My sister comes out immediately pissed off. Oh, because it's the soup, it's the soup course. Oh, first. So everyone gets a thimble of soup, okay.

Like, what the fuck? What is this? You just, I just had to wipe your kids' ass a second ago. This, we're not at the rich Carlton here. Why are we having a thimble of, how fancy did you want to make this? Is it like pumpkin soup? Is this like a, yeah, it was a pumpkin soup.

Like is this like some kind of chick dick measuring contest that now that it's not at mom's house? It's like now it has to be all fucking fancy with all these courses. So I say, well, okay, I guess I got a shot of soup in this big bowl. I'm done with that. Can I eat?

No. Now it's time for salad. Okay. And the salad course goes around. Yeah. Meanwhile, Turkey's getting cold. Yeah. Rodding.

Well, it is supposed to rest, isn't it? No. That's pretty good. I'm getting ahead of Jake. Yes, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

Say, Turkey's supposed to eat everything as it's still in the oven. Okay. You cut it out and then serve it immediately. It does cool down pretty quickly. I'll give you that. Sean, it was, and then people are racing. Everyone is racing to eat their salad and their soup just to get to the fucking food. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, such a mess. Oh. The whole day was a mess. Yeah, it doesn't seem like it started off that well for you. No, it didn't. You know what else makes me rage? Flu shots. Oh, hey, no one.

Do you get those? No, never once. I haven't either. Who the hell has time to go, if I'm gonna go hang around a bunch of old people, I'm definitely getting sick. Why the hell am I doing that? If they're so important, just send them to me

and I'll do it. The old people? Yeah, send me the old people. I'll take care of it. Yeah, I get sick at my own house. I'm doing the get sick this year, not mom. Send me the fucking flu shot. I'll figure it out.

Cause I'm not going to get it. Or you drive it. You bring it to me. Every day I see a billboard. You gotta get your flu shots. Every time I talk to my parents, you gotta get your flu shot. Make sure you get it.

Yeah, I'll go get a flu shot in between talking to lawyers and working. I know my spare time. That's what I'll do. I'll go wait in line with a bunch of 80 year olds to get God knows what shot into me. Yeah. For a flu that I'm never gonna get.

I'm gonna get sick no matter what. I'm gonna get sick no matter what, who cares? Yeah, they're just, they're more effective some years than others, I think, depending on the, because you know, they're, they always mutate. So I'm not sure exactly, but I think it's, it's kind of a different cultures or whatever. They kind of guess what's going around or. Yeah.

And then, uh, oh, it's a guess all right. Yeah. So some of them, some years, they're more effective than others from what I'm told. So sick of hearing about it. Yeah. I know what it is. I'm not getting it. Yeah.

Fuck off. What's the RO, how many minds get changed by these ad campaigns to go get a flu shot? Not getting one. Yeah, you don't like it. Bring it to me. So way everything else works. Yeah. There you go. I got some music. Oh, yeah. Oh, you know what? We should do the call right now. The call, the call, yeah. Okay. I mean, I don't know how to learn, relearn how to jack off with my other hand.

Well, hopefully it won't be that long. I'm making it, it's, I'm prolonging the injury though. Yeah. But shouldn't I have like a backup hand? Yeah. It's just like the same shit doesn't work from the other angle. Huh. You know?

Yeah. You don't know what I'm talking about? No, no, I absolutely. You use your right hand? Yeah. What? Yeah. And you're right-handed?

Yeah. Man, I've always been a lefty. Huh. You're right-handed in everything else. Yeah. I am. The right hand just doesn't know what the fuck it's doing. Probably has too much power.

Maybe from the mouse. Yeah, you could rip your dick off. Yeah. All right, we got a caller. Mad Cux, Mad Cux is hoping to nip the letter reading in the bud, so to speak. At Chicago, at road raid Chicago next week, because we're going to be reading the hilarious and embarrassing breakup letter

that Maddox sent to 80s girl once upon a time to try to win her back. This is all really happened. It's really, it's really, Sean, I'm fucking forced to now, okay? I didn't want to do it. I said, said on this show I said I don't want to read this letter because it's slightly embarrassing. Don't make me read this. How forced me to do it. I don't want to do it because it's slightly embarrassing and I don't like to slightly embarrass people. No. No. You like to fully embarrass people. No, no. Yes, yes, exact. It's not harmful in any way. It doesn't cause any kind of stress. No more half measures, Walter.

It's just slightly embarrassing. So I said, Maddox, in January, I said, Maddox, don't do any more things to fuck with me or anybody related to this show or I will be forced to read this letter. You said this. I said it on the show. Gotcha.

Cause I know, look, he's a man, he's a man made entirely of vanity and pride. Yes. Pride with things like I don't have ads on my website. I don't have a college degree because I'm, Pride and things one should not have pride in. Insanely prideful things,

weirdly prideful things. If I had a breakup letter, if I had written a breakup letter to a woman and people got a hold of it and started making fun of it, I wouldn't care. Like I would just call like, well, I meant those things. Yeah, well that's true. Because I'm a human being.

Because so many people have done it. Yeah, I liked, so many, everyone has done it. Everyone, probably the Bible was God's, He was trying to get Mary back. Yeah, it's like, I couldn't give up that. Yeah, I've been in there once. I need to get back in there. Exactly.

Are you talking about? Right. Anyway, said Maddox, don't. Joseph's cool with it. I said, don't stop fucking with, stop fucking with everybody, man. Just leave us alone and I won't read this letter. Cause I know it's, it seems stupid to anybody else,

but in his fucking spaghetti brain, that's a big deal. I thought it would be enough of a deterrent cause what else are you gonna do? Well, right? And that's when him and mental Jess called 80s girls school, like that's when the bullshit started. That's what it is. And now we've got a $400 million lawsuit. And so got to read it.

What do you have to lose? Yeah, mad cucks. Are you ready to read it? Next week? I'm ready to read it. Yeah, I'm ready. Let's do it. So the next week, next week, you're gonna do it.

No, well, so there's been a lot of complaints on the Reddit that they don't, they don't want to do it because of the crowd. Like someone, they're afraid that someone's gonna like pee on me while I'm trying to read it and they're kind of smudge the writing. So I wrote a letter, I wrote a letter to read right now for it. So this is like the apology when Maddox had to read my apology and he wrote his own apology thinking he was gonna get out of it. So I have to read his breakup letter, so I wrote my own breakup.

Okay, all right. Let's hear it. You still have to read the letter though. Yeah, okay, but if it gets peed on, I'm just saying like this is what it is. Okay, go ahead. Do your 80s girl. Nice strong start, here we go. I'm writing you, concerning the matter of our recent separation as a social. The two weeks we spent together was the time in my life that is unmatchable as happiness and joy.

Yeah, unmatchable. On my day together you became the sunshine that lit my world. Your smile is like a lighthouse on the stormy sea of autism. I know. Yeah, yeah, okay. Do you remember like a lighthouse on the stormy sea of autism. Yeah, okay. Do you remember when it went to the park and walked in circles for hours? It turned out that you were right and I was lost. And we should just take it in Uber to the movies. And even though that was the

time that I reflect upon with the tear in my eye. Though you never God. My father, despite his stillnessism, would take one look at you and likely would have died from the sudden blood loss from his brain as his penis engorged at the side of your incredible cans. It's disgusting. It's not that incredible cans though. Within hours, you, myself, I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. blood loss from his brain as his penis engorges at the side of your incredible cans. It's disgusting. I don't have incredible cans though. Within hours, you, my sisters and an effeminate brothers would be dancing to the fear of

the flowers that surround our compound, braiding one another's hair, and weaving flower crowns, they'll be a poultry when compared with my own. I miss you. Jumbalaya Wednesdays just aren't the same without the smell of your perfume. I tried to add your perfume to the Jumbalaya to bring you back. But just made it taste better with me.

That Jumbalaya mixture. Summons. Yeah, okay. My table is house feels more empty without you. My bed, despite you never having been there, it's more empty without you. My hands always feel empty, except when I am holding things. I'm a real romantic.

I'm session with detail, Sean. That's what that is. I haven't got over the first line. I'm writing you concerning our, ah, ah, ah, ah. All right. What else? 80s girl, I need you.

I need you in my life. I am nothing without you, except for New York Times best seller, writer, C. Oh, my God. Yeah. Keep taking, though. One of there is more to life than just being

great at everything. What if I could share my greatness with another lesser, great person? Oh, please, 80 taking though. One of there is more life than just being great at everything What if I could share my greatness with another lesser great person? Please 80 girl 80s girl, please come back to me. I do anything Please seriously, I'm told only I need you and I really think you owe me Have we split the check you have paid a cumulative amount of 13 dollars. I think that warrants getting a second chance at showing you my endless love. Yeah. My love would reach all the way across the seas, oceans, or any other large body of water that can separate two people completely.

Is that a super set? The LA River? Yeah. I pine for you like the set of pints all long to be free in the woods. My heart dies every day that we are apart. Why? Why do you have such a hold over my heart and my testicles? Yeah, I can't go on any further in this life without your smile to shine, shine down over me. I await your response. The ball is yours to lay up or lay out. There's no way he would have put his sports metaphor in there.

He doesn't, Mattics doesn't know any sports metaphors. It would be, it would be a hockey metaphor or something goofy that he just saw in the, all right. Is that the, is that the letter? That's the letter. Well, good luck, but you still got to read the actual one. Okay, well, well, yeah, okay, I see that. I can, I see that now that that's probably

what people actually wanted. And now that I think about it, yeah, that does make a lot of sense. But that was phenomenal. That was great. It probably would have worked. Things would be a lot different. Oh, and have a house.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Then probably would have worked. Yeah. Things would be a lot different. Yeah. Oh, and have a house. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, then we'll compare them. Yeah, we could compare them. That'll be great. Maybe I'll ask her to compare them. Oh, boy. Yeah.

Yeah. Ask her if that would get her to come back for another date. Okay. I will. Another date. The Mad Cakes. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, while I'm at the Chicago road rage, I've made a stamp of giant rubber stamp that says,

disavowed. Yeah, so if you bring me any of your plaintiffs to post your fee stuff, I will disavow it for you. Okay, good call. Only at Chicago road rage. Thanks for having me on. Thank you. That was Mad Cux, the co-host of,

but here's what I don't get podcast. You can check them out at patreon.com slash HWIDG. In rare form, in rare form, all right, good job buddy. Phenomenal. He should write, he should do a service of writing those. Why write your own? Come back to me, letter. Completely.

Somebody else should do it. You know, he's got a gift. To do something that on that level though, because that was excellent. Yeah. Wouldn't he have to take the time to get to know you a little bit so they'd be really personal? Everyone's the same. Everyone's the same. I don't know.

Judging by the love I might disagree. Pine Saul and the forest that would work on any broad. Yeah. That's true. Well, Pine Saul longs to be with its brethren. All right. Oh, he would have done a video game. He's met a veteran. All right. He would have done a video game, he's met a four.

Yeah. That would have been better than a layup. It's time to lay up the ball or lay out. Let me see, I get a song here. I gotta get so much to go over. Pope Pat? Do you know about this place? I don't, so Pope Pat, this site.

Pope Pat.com, it's like a, I don't know the right legal terms, it's a guy who helps people in trouble for free. Like it's a net. Oh, really? It's a work of lawyers who are trying to help people out. Oh, what an odd name. Yeah, Pope Pat.

I don't know why that is. But a stereosis is in a lot of trouble. Fuck, with this. Because he works for a with this because he works for a big company. He works for a big company. He's actually in New York. And if you, if you file lawsuits like this, it's ruinous to people to try to get out of them. Like sure, you can, you can pay as much as you want for lawyers.

You know, you can go get a better call Saul at 10 bucks an hour. You can convince a dog bite attorney to do shit for free, or you can just pay to make sure it's done by the very best. Yeah. It's a hell of a spot to be in, especially for somebody like a stereos. Oh yeah. He was, he, a stereos already sent out the call to get his his is X wife Maris a place to live because she's allergic to air Yeah, she's allergic to

to to valence bonds Chemistry joke for you, right? That's how allergic she is so Really fucking sucks that he's in this spot of having to defend himself. Yeah, and it also sucks That he's in this spot of having to defend himself. Yeah. And it also sucks that he's basically vanished. Yeah. We need to wear Zisterios contest for people to find him on the street and try to relay his social media messages to us

because the dude's fucking, he's gone. There's an Zisterios Aids album that some dickheads are putting together to help him out. So all the legal, all the money goes to him and his legal defense. But I don't know if he can't talk or if he just thinks it's in his best interests, you know what I mean, I can't shut the fuck up.

Like everybody says, don't talk about the case, but how can I not talk about, how's that for irony? Right? How can I not talk about, how's that for irony, right? How can I not talk about that? I'm with you. Got to talk about it, got to talk about it. So anyway, this guy, Pope Pat, Ken White at Pope Pat.com sends out a, sends out a Pope Pat signal for everyone,

for anyone to help a stereo sound. But you got to, you got to read this article, he writes. He is, he's, he did a very, very nice thing asking for help, but boy does he, boy does he think I am a piece of shit. This guy? Yeah. I gotta read it just to see if you think it's funny

from Ken White, this is what he writes at Popehead.com. Let me preface this with my biases. I hate everyone in this case. I hate their ethos, I hate their culture, I hate how they pollute American discourse. Based on a representative sample, I hate their fans. Oh man, they are the groin, flop sweat of wretched post-modernity. The web's genetic cul-de-sac, more locks,

gaping dumbly at the slimy, shrill, voiced megaphones of the parties to this case. Geez. That's one flowery fucking sentence, isn't it? More locks, though. Yeah, I know. Got that right. Yeah, it's strong branding from me.

Nevertheless, this case involves significant first amendment issues, which may be resolved in a way that impairs everybody's rights, unless the defendants have competent counsel, which these days is ruinously expensive. This is how rights are trampled when we don't defend them because the defendants at hand are loathsome. Therefore, I respectfully request assistance. How about that? Yeah. Well, you know, I watched the people versus Larry Flint a couple times this week. And it's good for me. And pairing for my case. Yeah. Larry did a pretty good job of representing himself in court, I thought you have to pun like Jerry Falwell's name somehow. Jerry Fartwell, right? The plaintiff, A rangatang. I'll throw that. Mr. Melikers out of my

friends. Uh, as often as I say, these in the Pope had signal posts, even an utterly frivolous suit shot through with a clear and dizzy of bogosity is cheap and easy to file, but ruinously expensive to the vast majority of Americans to defend. Yeah, because you have to deal with it. You have to deal with it. That's how censorious thugs's how censorious thugs and litigation terrorists suppress speech. Yeah. And he's talking about my addicts here. I mean, you know, yeah, not directly, but basically by leveraging a system that gives everyone rich or poor the right

to spend tens of thousands of dollars on an adequate constitutional defense. The more they succeed, the more thugs will file suit. Oh. One of the individual defendants, though employed, has a modest salary and is burdened by medical debt and has grave difficulty affording counsel and a small penis. That was weird. Oh, geez, man. If you are a lawyer, it doesn't like anybody involved in the case. Even so, I say that.

I added that. Yeah, I know. Let me see here. Um, and then another guy, another reporter who wrote about it, I don't know if this is, I don't know if this is actually from him, but this was posted in the Facebook group. So this could be false, but I don't, you know, it would be a weird thing to fake. Uh, this guy, this guy Duncan Riley wrote about this case and he linked to this other, this moron mundane mats video about it. And mundane mat is like, he's a typical Esileb.

Yeah. Just like Chris Raygun, just like every other Esileb, they have a little tiny amount of attention and fame, and they can't rock the boat. Like if their buddies, every other YouTube creator like them who shares their ideology or claims to is their bro. Yeah.

And they don't have the time or more importantly, the nuts to look into anything, because everything is a little dirty, right? Everybody and everything is a little bit dirty. And at some point, if you look into anything because everything is a little dirty, right? Everybody and everything is a little bit dirty. And at some point, if you look into something, you're going to have to make a judgment call whether this is too dirty for you. Yeah. Yeah.

No, that's right. And these dipshits, Chris Cuckray gun, Chris Raygun specifically and Monday and Matt, they'd use this, they use the, I'm not, the guy's my bro, and I don't involve myself in this. I'm above it. It's like, motherfucker, you base your livelihood on commenting about social issues. That's why people are upset when you do this.

No, because this is the one that happens to be personal to you and everything shuts off, making you look like a fucking fraud. What were you gonna say? I was gonna say, I heard Chris Reagan sort of made some comments that like this lawsuit is pretty outrageous. Oh, did he finally? I don't know.

Somebody was telling me who's on the reddit all the time is just like, yeah, like, you know, I'm a friend of his, but this is kind of, I don't know, maybe the, maybe the chat room can. Well, this is, but it was like, yeah, this is pretty out there. This is this guy Duncan Riley. It's a weirdest fucking response. A dickhead, a dickhead by the name of Darrell just sends him basic information about the case.

Like, hey, man, your article, I feel like your article is a little inaccurate. And here's a ton of information, the legal, the breakdown of it by Nick Rakita, who has a Patreon now that's already very successful. Good God. Yeah, how about that? Interesting though.

Does legal breakdowns of things? Yeah, I'd watch that. I must be the biggest fucking idiot on the planet, not to have a Patreon. Do you have big coins? I got tons of big coins. Oh, then no, don't worry about it. Okay.

Nothing else matters except for big coins. Okay. You know, Thanksgiving really was, it really got turned on its head this year. Yeah. Because the venue got taken by my sister. Yeah. And the ranting about nonsense got taken from the old men

to the new, to the, to me and my brother-in-law. I was talking about, I told my mom that she wasn't going into a retirement home that I was gonna encrypt her and put her on the cloud. Oh, she's like, what are you talking about? I don't want that, yeah? You're getting it too late. Yeah, all your asses are gonna be encrypted.

Yeah. You're all gonna be cryptocurrency. Yeah. All parents will be very soon, sooner than you think. Right. I don't even know, I don't know if you serious or not. Yeah. I don't even know if you'll finish dinner.

You might be, I might have to put you in the blockchain. Yep. retirement home, things of the past. Right. Put you in a geriatric blockchain. So everyone, so everyone has a record of you. You live forever in the cloud. Okay, so this guy Duncan Riley ends this back and forth

with enough, this is what the reporter says to a dickhead. Are you following me? Yeah. Enough already. Every second fucking email is someone complaining about my report for the last two to three days. Oh boy. Two to three days. Yeah. An unimaginable amount of.

Yeah. I presume you know the bloke, so send this message clearly through, I don't give a fuck about him and Maddox spelled incorrectly. The interest is Patreon. It's like, yeah, motherfucker, but you're kind of fucking up my thing by bringing attention. You're fucking up my thing by bringing my writing an article about Patreon on a lawsuit that's complete gibberish and bullshit. Like, do you not understand all reporters are so fucked in the head that they think they're just passing on information It's like no mother fucker. You wrote this to get clicks. Yeah, that's why right don't pretend like there's some kind of a

Truth fighter. You're like fucking Dom Delewese and a little whorehouse in Texas. Oh you found it There's a Texas as a whorehouse and a Patreon as a guy that's a serial harasser. Did you fucking read it? Yeah. Did you read it? This isn't about journalism, this is about you. Not reading something. Which is being told in a very calm way by somebody who's familiar with the case.

Yeah. My interest is Patreon, but here's the thing. Keep fucking taunting me and I will eventually fire back. What the fuck taunting? Yeah, taunting. I swear man, I don't know if we're run, I don't know if God's running out of skin, but he is making it thinner and thinner these days. Fucking email.

Yeah. Email is so offensive to everybody. I think they read it in a, like when people open up an email and read it or a tweet or whatever, in their mind, they're reading it as their dad, if it's negative. Oh yeah. So it's so much like if somebody on the street came up to you

and said something that was in a tweet, you would just completely ignore it or tell them to go fuck themselves. Right. Like, oh, hey, you have no dick and you're ugly and you have a small vase. Like, I don't care. But you read it on Twitter,

and for some reason it gets in this part of your brain that's so much more powerful and carries so much more authority than nobody. And you bring your own shit right to the table. Yeah. I'm no SJW and while I'm not a fan, I can get the trolling side very few in this age can. Okay. I'm going to leave it there, but seriously, I'm not your enemy.

There are many, there are many out there who properly are. Man, what the, what the fuck? Hmm, I don't know. So that's what's going on with that. I also did some, I also did some investigating. And I found that Mr. Burgers, maybe I should save this for another time, just getting boring, talking about the lawsuit. No.

I found that Mr. Burgers might be responsible for every single threat, like weird, aggressive threat that mental, Jess and Manix got. Like they all come from various permutations of his, really, of accounts that he goes by. And it's all documented in Kiwi Farms. I was on Kiwi Farms looking for this guy to see because I said last week, you know, I wrote that I wrote the post on the Dix show website I do the post every week with the episode and it was about how when I worked for this Celebrity they had a box of of fan mail of that consisted only of only of abuse sure

They sold her insane abuse and I said this is, these were her fans doing this. That's the level of obsession that you need to do something like this. You need to be someone's fan, and then it gets twisted by a twisted mind and is something violent, which is just like more, cry for attention, right? Like Selena's fucking manager.

So I put a legwork into it to see who this person was going after Maddox and his girlfriend. Sure as fucking shit, the Mr. Burgers thread on Kiwi Farms says, Hey, did you know you got a shout out on Maddox's podcast? Awesome. I never watched that episode by watch most of them. That is my catchphrase since most people want to get raped at some level, oh, Jesus. Not sure where I'm going next, but I want to do something big. I am now paying 99, 99 monthly to Maddox on Patreon.

Gotta give some to get some, you know? And this was March 10th, 2017. Phantomatics going all the way back. Yeah. And you think he's the one sending the three. As he goes by all the same pseudonyms that he has on here. I'll document it. Yeah.

Right fucking there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. from Hoss & Grace. Dane Boundiful boy Curious page Pastrafees placed By a furious A Wasn't he iconic?

Don't you think? She got banged Not a bad ending Now he's gonna find, sayin' he'll get paid It's a genocide on your whole fan base Now tell me which rub loves niggas Mr. Headspace, Mr. New York Times, the best web page, Oh, my, my, how the time flies, he spent his whole damn life,

Three books on website, and he went down and flames, He swore he was still cool his eyes wasn't it iconic Don't you think It's a patreon 30 fucking K. It's a man Well, I think it is okay When Andrew Joder Shows a f*** Oh, okay

All right All right Bleed that Yeah Yeah I can hear some crews I can't say that Yeah, yeah, awesome crews. And save that. You'll be bum coming on the street Well what? Well what? You lose this dumb case If you screenshot dick's page

We'll buddy, that's all right We won't even mention All your girls, much cooler guys Isn't this ironic? Don't you think? Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright That's enough, that's enough We'll finish it on this site Hey Larry, are you think? All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. That's enough, that's enough. We'll finish it on this site.

Hey, Larry, are you there? Come here. Hey, what's up, man? You got any advice for this lawsuit? Of course I do. Lots of buzz. What is it? Well, first of all, it's in New York, right?

So New York is buttoned up. It's all business. There's a built-in bias there against Californians, right? They think we're all bruises and nuts and they're mostly correct, aren't they? Okay, so you walk into that courtroom, you must make an impression, right, and clothes Do make the man or the defendant in your case, right? Okay. So what you want is justice You just as you've been falsely accused and it's for as privileged 20 million bucks and yeah first of all you've got to have your briefs prepared right so all of you mark your dad's don't wear my dad's

briefs but you march in there where you're fighting whiteies that say fuck whales that'll set the tone right and judge them judge or know you mean business then a stereo should go full and digmar regalia right but a set of question marks perfect on his on his green dance and it needs to say dickheads matter yeah and and then even though peach and lacy are not involved uh no you you you should bring them make them wear leather cat suits and walk them in there on leashes like kineson used to do when he opened his act that'll set a more sympathetic tone for you as a defendant

yeah so that's that's that's my advice you know first impressions copy of the none of this is going to matter to be because in truth there will be no there will be no court case after i drop my atomic gospel judgment day episode on this is why because why because it's all going to be rendered moody so it's so earth shattering you know that

uh... that that that that that that this is going to matter anymore everybody's going to get hit with the fallout and everybody's going to have to duck and cover but it won't help anybody might some of the preview of that i have that i have that you're gonna get a lot of your patreon pledge to five bucks to to see you can hear as well and uh... that's that's how it's gonna go. But, you know, Tom and God's judgment day. And I mean, also, what is the, huh? What is the bomb?

What's the bomb that you have? I can't tell you that it's a bomb. It has to be a surprise. I can't tell you that I have to kill you. Can't do that. We're friends. Is that a piece of shit in the corn chip bag? No, it's got nothing to do with shit in the corn chip bag.

Absolutely nothing. That's like, no, I want to know. Of course you are right what makes you rage man what makes me a rage all bug everything makes me a rage you know that's coming christmas season makes me rage right the uh... you know everybody expects this uh...

warm and fuzzy family feeling what are we gonna get dashed hopes busted dreams broken toys in the corner. You know, Christmas should be for kids. Nobody over the age of 12 should be allowed to celebrate or have anything to do with Christmas. How about that, Bruce? No, why? It's such a nice vacation.

Vacation, it's a dream. Yeah, what are you talking about a vacation? Everybody goes on, all works just stops from what does it really maybe in hollywood it does that you can stop for a month of course you're not that's true right yeah you're gonna keep slogging away so let me ask you something how did this at out you had this loss to get you

mentioned the number twenty million which is what i saw but you're also talking four hundred million how does that it is well because i made mistake, it turns out that every single count is worth 20 million. Oh, yeah. And oh my God, I forgot about this too. Let me, there's a remediation. Like everything has a, everything has restitution that would make it okay. Yeah.

Really? Yeah, and every single one is 20 million, like the suit against Patreon is it's 20 million and they got to delete my Patreon. I like that. And delete you. And it's all in. My stop is 20.

That's what I mean. You know, if you're going to get one, why not just get the other one? Stereosis company, they gotta fire him and it's 20 million. Yeah. And the best one is it's me, against me, it's 20 million and an apology.

And I gotta issue an apology. Yeah, yeah. So we're right back to the old ways, right? And we are. We are. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm gonna cause a plane to fly out just to witness

this when it happens. I mean, this is gonna be a long way. Oh God, I can't believe it. What is your court date set or how does that work? No, because I don't know when it is, but the whole thing's preposterous. Of course it is. Of course it is.

I hope there is no court date. It's like think of the stupidest thing you could possibly come up with and then go dumber than that. You know what, it's like career suicide too. It's like in real life, people wanna make everyone feel sorry for them so they kill themselves.

This is like the career version of that. Like remember when the Water Boy leaks happened and Matt was saying, fuck the fans and I don't know you shit. This is like an escalation of how much he even said in there that there he has a nuclear option that he doesn't want to resort to and i think this might have been it this must have been it i think he thinks that's the nuclear option yeah i can't find which uh... which one it is but it's

it's an apology i gotta give him twenty million bucks and an apology that's the reason for some dogs to the court and, for the dog-wide attorney that's wrapping them. Let them deal with him for a while. Couple of pit bulls. Distract them. I'll make it to the mouth. Hey, Sean, as part of this deal, do you have to no longer wear VNX? Is that your apology?

Yeah. Could be. Could be. I haven't got you. I'm not included yet. Wait a minute. I'm asking this. What the fuck?

I'm overlooking the biggest angle of this of all yeah you supposed to not talk to me or something in the middle of the part of the bargaining chip right you know way way back at the beginning remember i could do you i could do his show but not yours or i'll have to look out here larry was offered a show on madcast media if uh... he never appeared on my show right and he did yeah so what happened to that a show on Madcast Media if he'd never appeared on my show. Right. And he did.

Yeah. Yeah. So what happened to that? I mean, that should be normal. I don't know, I guess you didn't get on. Maybe you ran out of, yeah, you're not named in this at all. No. I feel low to him now.

I feel left out. Yeah. Everybody does. Everybody wants to be in the party. This is getting sued as the new smoke and cigarettes. I made it cool. I got to revel without a cause. I ride my motorcycle, I smoke cigarettes

and I get sued for 400 million bucks. You want a piece of this? I mean, who gets sued for that amount of money? Yeah, exactly. That's amazing. The fact that I know someone who's been sued for that amount of money as well-done into me let me add some real-world uh... solace or comfort for you to take okay thanks uh... pala mind is a uh... you

know something of uh... real estate developer and he before even before you he was sued for twenty two million bucks okay oh really oh yeah and not not enough you know he makes fun of online yeah no no he makes fun of online this dude did not sleep for for months i mean and i couldn't blame them what happened was he you know he be by the by the houses in flips and so forth

and he had one you know it's a kind of a consortium of himself and several partners but he's sort of the uh... you know the the uh... the heavy in the operation and there was some house with an eighty seven year old woman living in it as of as a renter you know and he's was up and he was the one that had to say hey honey you know you got to find someplace else to live

and so her relatives somebody said hey look the fuck this guy let's go for his lungs twenty-two-minute bucks that's a lot more sympathetic defendant than the bobbedoog is it not and yeah did you told a woman she had to leave her house of course it's about to all bag out of her domicile you know it's hard to look good in that but as it turned out

you never had to pay a fucking dime, nothing, nothing came. So I think you're gonna be good. That's worse than anything I've done. Oh, yeah, that's how you know ladies, you had to be good. That makes you look like Jesus, yeah. Yeah. Maybe you are Jesus with that hair.

That was the other thing. I think I'm being sued for everyone sins. Maybe you're so I'm Jesus. You already got the long hair. Maybe you put that up in a man bun thing and and you go in a fat suit like sumo wrestler something how that be your costume don't fuck a big dick i'll think about it hey larry i have one i have one more question for you like it on me okay what handed are you right right handed okay uh what hand what hand do you

use to jerk a half i never do that i knew he was gonna say that yes people for that what's what do you mean you're never do that people you never do that there's got people no why i got people to do that why because you i'll tell you why here's why can you take all yourself now it's just not the thing i can take it myself completely eliminates the element of surprise which is about 90 percent of the pleasure i don't want to be surprised when i'm jerking off i don't want to be surprised by someone jerking me off.

I mean, it could be in a weird area. Yeah, I glance away. I turn back. 80s girls got a Jason mascot. Oh, yeah. Is that what you like? If I did, if I did, it would probably be my right. But Sean's right. I would be.

What do you mean probably? Wait a minute. Never, you never like, you never get back from like a family trip. And you're like, all right, everybody leave me the fuck alone. I need some Larry time by myself. Yeah, usually when that happens I got to sleep Boy what about you were a kid When I was a kid like a teenager like a teenager. Yeah, when you can't put it down Priests oh boy, you got a Catholic school or something uh... uh...

what you got a catholic school or something i can look at the catholic school oh really years of it oh jeez uh... the senate of onan you know did any shady stuff happen there did any shitty stuff happen there like you know like molestie stuff

happen in your capital if it did i never saw it but that doesn't mean it didn't happen i mean there are a lot of certain certainly uh... in my high school there were multiple faculty members that sure is how fit the profile they look like they would you know that they were they were down for that but uh... i was never i was always pretty you know sort of you know

ordering hostile so uh... i never said they still clear of you hard to get i think they did uh... but they're i i wouldn't be surprised if it that be shot in fact i'd be so surprised if it did not happen uh... certainly back then but there was a lot of violence when i talk about violence is all kinds of sick violence going on oh yeah like what a rough catholic school well i'll tell you what the real

nailing each other to cross the issue thing yeah i want to have a they actually had a guy at my high school whose title was dean of discipline uncle no no kidding and this fucking guy kept a barber's drop in his office like a leather one that they use the sharpened razor blades are up in the exact that big leather thing you struggle straight razor with and this asshole would actually lay this across the ass of bad boys for you know whatever reason

I think we last on the pedophile yeah yeah yeah yeah can you imagine that being a grown man like oh I really got to spank some boys asses today for discipline right For discipline. That's it. So this guy, I almost never got caught doing anything, but this one day I was fucking around with my pals in Spanish class and he sent this down to the dean's office. And my two buddies went in there first. And he didn't bring out the barbers drop for them. But he's a pretty big dude and he fucking just slapped him.

I mean, slapped him hard enough to leave a big red handprint on their faces like one for the left and one for the right boom boom. You could hear it, you know, and they came marching out of there looking pretty fucked up. And that was my turn to go and I walked in and I said, and this guy was considerably larger, but I flew to me and said, hey, you think it hit me? And he goes, well, that's what happened to your cohorts. And I said, well, that's not happening to me. And he goes, what do you mean by that? I said hit me and you'll find out I was about 16 and I

Just fucking they can't want but well though you know i guess we could work something else out of you know you could do a week's detention or something so i'll do that you know okay and i was it nobody nobody laid a hand on me you know and where he's a taxi driver just getting a bit of the dns dojo way back then so you avoid it getting molested by yeah by daring the guy to do it. What have you were on a desert island like cast away with Tom

Hanks? You wouldn't jerk off even then. But it was like a year. I'm probably, but first I first I kill and eat Tom because he's a commie. We took him over the campfire. And then I start thinking about uh... would you make like a sex doll at a coconut or something? yeah

uh... yeah i guess you could i don't know i'm kinda handy but i don't know if i'm not handy oh you're not handy at all from what it sounds like well not you know well not not right anyway but i was thinking that'd be a tough one. Yeah, I don't know how you do. I probably just find a supply of salt

Peter somewhere. You'll mind that out of cave and eat that. Salt Peter's a wreck your own libido. So you don't have to jerk off. Well, you know, what would probably be breathable? Wouldn't it? It sounds like you're like this. Think of it this way.

The Chinese, the Chinese say that there only, we all come into this world with only a given amount of Chi, right? Which is that, that energy. Right. And when you're giving away your seed by yourself like that, you're depleting the Chi and you might need it later when some pointy baby comes along. Right? No. Because you took care of yourself. You can regrow it. I've been regrowing it a lot. Yeah. Is that a thing? Just make been regrowing it a lot. Yeah. Just make yourself, make your body work hard. And the cheat dimension, there's like a fucking, there's a swimming pool full of my cheating.

Yeah, still common, Olympic as well. Plenty more where that came from. It sounds like, so what are you like anti masturbating? No, I'm not anti masturbating. It was a good Catholic. It's very, in fact, you know, I have no criticisms I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that.

I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that.

I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that.

I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at that. I'm not at Do you think do you believe in that she think like if you like it drains your essence There might be something to it. I don't know Okay, what I'm what I'm dead, but it could be you might be right because it does make you like lazy You know, it's the gift you have to be lazy Take is it you have like a flashlight waiting for me. That's where all these always mr. Bittori questions or no They're actually socks. I guess you have no use for them that's all you socks for all right larry uh... thank you for the thanks for the call

anytime great talk to you guys see you be good fight you know there are the is a expression there are masterbaters and there are liar there's no way he doesn't jerk off. What about now? I mean, I'm not his age, so I don't know if that goes away

or not. The desire to jerk off? I wouldn't think it does. Me either. Because you got to be going a full speed until you're dead. Like if you're 70, you can pop a bun in the oven. You can, right? You can.

Let me see here. I got, I got some comments. I got some more music. Still wanna know what was in that chip bag. Me too. I don't think it was poop. Well no, I don't think so either, but. Here's a bit somebody sent in about you.

Oh good. It says X-wing is better at hitting on women than dick. I'm your host, Dick Masterson with me is most of the time is Sean. Hello, dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Joining us today to read some news. The beautiful, the lovely Lacey. Cool. Hey, Sean.

Whoa. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Jason call. Hey, Sean. Whoa. Is he? I asked moving. Yeah. Oh, I should have said that. I should have said that instead of the beautiful, the lovely, who is he going to call? Whoa, like that part. The decent guy show sent this in. These are some something from the old old show. He calls it the biggest problem in the universe 109.

Right, because we never did a 109. Right, here you go. Here's from the... Sounds familiar? It does. I had forgotten what the sound it like. Yeah. But Dick, I feel like Silicon Valley should be a safe area

for everyone to have authentic discussions. Don't you? You see, this is why I bring this lawsuit if it's in. Yeah, because apparently your sense of safety can be breached by what people say on the internet, right? And even if it's not a specific threat towards you, which by the way is not actionable,

unless someone is making a specific threat towards you, there's jack shit you can do. can do and you're not even just In claiming that you feel threatened because you're not unless you are specifically threatened unless you have a specific actionable threat because if you see mean words on the internet, guess what? Click away, dipshit. No one's forcing you to watch Read or he or anything. You don't like what I'm saying turn out the fucking podcast. I don't give a shit You don't have to be subject to these cruel words'm saying turn out the fucking podcast. I don't give a shit. You don't have to be subject to these cruel words

that you are choosing to ingest. I don't know. Take it up with the CEO. Do you see guys show? Can I hear that again? You can do. And you're not even justified in claiming that you feel threatened because you're not.

Unless you are specifically threatened and unless you have a specific actionable threat because if you see mean words on the internet, guess what? Click away, dip shit. Threat because if you see mean words on the internet, guess what? Click away, dip shit. If you see mean words on the internet, guess what? Click away, dip shit. No. Unreal. This guy's got a whole bunch of those clips. Case dismissed.

All right, are you there, man? Yeah, what's up? What are we calling you? I call me Tony from hack the movie Tony from hack the movie. So Tony from the podcast Cuttle pile Tony from cuddle pile. All right, Tony from hack the movie. So the first thing is it a furry thing? Cuttle Cuttle pile. No, my co-host came up with the name. It's just funny. We did. We did. We did. We did do an episode out of furry convention, though.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. What'd you think? Yeah. Are there any chicks there? Those guys are total pervs, man. Yeah. That's kind of their thing.

Dude, they were just coming up to people, just grinding on them. It was so weird. Really funny, though. Um, so how much of the backstory do you want me to go into here? I've been talking to Tony from hack the movies and cuddle pile for a while. He was. Yeah, well, well, I don't want to say anything that'll get me sued for $20 million. So, well, you stopped me if I stopped me if I venturing to that territory.

Uh, okay. Okay. He was a man. Maddox was launching his Tony a lawyer. No. Okay. No, he's a comedian. Okay. Okay. He was a man. I'm not. Maddox was launching his Tony a lawyer. No. Okay. He's a comedian. Okay. A audio guy, just like you, I think video. A video guy, but close. Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of people. He lives show. He doesn't they don't wear V-necks. They wear crew. Oh, yeah. I remember I remember meeting you at the live show in Philly. Yeah, I was the. He looked like a story. He looked like a stereo. He hopped up on stage during the shine like, he was the asterios.

Right, right, right. We booted his ass right off the stage, trying to disrupt that. Sorry about that. So Tony here has been first in line for Maddox's super podcast championship edition. You know, Maddox, it's a turbo. That's really important is to mention it's a champion edition Turbo, which is ironic because it's the slowest competition. I've ever been a part of how long has it been going on? Well, we I remember talking to him like over a year ago about this like being my co-hosts were in contact with him. This is the contest

Yes, the contest? Yes. The contest for Spot on the NetWon podcast. Yes. And I think around December, January, he had announced on the show that it was going to happen. And then we didn't hear from him until May. And then that's when we thought it was really going to happen. And then it's just been delayed over and over and over again. I'm looking at all these emails here.

It just keeps getting delayed. So I thought it would be the funniest thing ever to get, to keep this on the DL, right? And then get, get Tony and Cuddlepile on Madcast media by promoting their, how great their show is on this show, right? Yeah. How funny with that fee. Yeah. But the first winner of the, of the podcast turbo championship would be a dickhead, right? From the Philly show. By the way, it wasn't a secret because at that point before he announced it was finally happening, I kind of gave up on it. I went to the live show. I posted like a million pictures

of it. I talked about the dick show on our podcast. Yeah. And then we, and then it got announced, we were part of it. I was like, Oh, shit. I don't think he actually listens to my show. And then we, and then it got announced we were part of it. I was like, Oh, shit. I don't think he actually listens to my show. So, but since the lawsuit, Tony hit me up and says, Hey, what did you, I mean, what are your feelings about the lawsuit and being on Madcast media now? Well, I, I don't know if I want to be a part, I don't know if I want to work with someone who sues their collaborators, which is $20 million.

Smart business. I want to be in bed with. Yeah. Kind of hazard to be around, you might say. Yeah. Well, because at some point, you're going to do something. Lossy's in the hole. Yeah.

At some point could be, you know, Lossy's in the hole. It could hold your glass of water wrong on a live feed or something. Exactly. A bit like an STD, right? You don't want to, you know, they're seeing Valtrex will keep all the symptoms at bay and you just have to not, hook, you just have to not fool around on those three days that somebody's got an outbreak, but why chance it?

Why chance? Why chance the Herpe lawsuit? Yeah. Yeah. What's the law suit have? Because I've been, I've been holding off for a while to like talk about all this. But once the lawsuit happened, I'm like, all right, there's no way this competition's happening at all. Maybe we should have a competition then. How can we get a little pile? Who should we put cuddle pile up up against to see who's on the

CUNX Tuesday network? Yeah. Do you want to reach out to the podcast we were supposed to go up against? Yeah, who was it? Uh, super arrogant brothers. Super, no, you know what? We should put, we should put cuddle pile up against the Adam Nash show. Oh boy. That's a good. Okay. He just have a show.

Yeah, he does. What he has a Patreon. He's back. Yeah. So one of these two, he's still, Adam Nash is still tearing into me on Facebook too. Yeah. Well, I hope he calls back in any of it. I hope so too.

All right, so we're gonna put you, we're gonna put cuddle pile up against the Adam Nash show to see. Now this is, is this stealing fans? Yeah, now I'm stealing, Sean now I'm stealing entire shows. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no, he takes checklist of off, he'll be cool. I'm like, he said he wasn't gonna do anything else. I'm like, Carmen Zandiego.

I'm gonna steal concepts next. Yeah. I'm gonna steal the entire concept of satire and store it like the Eiffel Tower. I'm gonna abscond through time with my nefarious ways. Oh man. All right. Well, I hope that contest works out for you well on this network. I'd like to see a pedal pile.

I'll see you next Tuesday. My podcast is kind of on the rocks right now because I just want to work so we're not as consistent as we used to be. Uh-huh. And I think a big motivator for us was that we would be on this competition and get like a shit ton of exposure. Yeah. And clearly that hasn't happened.

And I really think it's your fault for distracting Maddox. So you'll be hearing from my attorney for $20 million. No. I'll just fuck with it. Yeah. What does he say now? What was the last communication you got about

this, this, this, this, okay. I'm gonna see, I got some of these emails here. Yeah, be funny. Okay, so he did a whole thing, letting us know, we gave them all the information and then he went, hey, just a heads up, I wasn't able to launch because of a few last-minute kinks. This is in May 29th.

So we sent them all the stuff and we didn't hear back from him until July. And then he went, oh, I had some last minute deadlines. One of just, oh, sorry, am I making fun of people with special mental issues? Yeah, you can't do that. I'll do a Maddox's voice. All right, man, what makes you rage?

Makes me a rage. Oh, fucking automated lights in bathrooms that have short timers. Oh, yeah. You know what, These sensors in bathrooms that spits you out a third of a paper towel, as though anybody could wipe even a finger off with that first paper towel spit out.

That's a little worse. It's like the pre-come of paper towels that gives you. Give me the whole load of paper towels. You stingy bitch. Don't stick me with one. What is, who programmed that? Keep putting your hands up there for more. And then it's got that timer. You just sit there waving your arms

like an excited autistic child just wanting more paper towels. So you don't get to theory all over the place. I'm talking about the lights in the bathroom. The lights turn off. Oh, we know. The lights that turn off right when you're in the middle of taking a piss. Yeah. I almost pissed on myself last night because I didn't expect it to happen. I got startled. Yeah. If that happens to me, I immediately turn around like a rain bird.

Yeah. I'm the invisible man in the dark. No one could possibly see what I'm doing. Everything's getting pissed on. And then I went back to take a shit. I'm doing and I'm like, I'm getting pissed on. And then I went back to take a shit, it goes off and I'm waving my hands, but the sensor's too far away. So I'm just sliding and crouching and waving my hands like a fucking idiot that you can just light on. If that happens to me,

I'm not taking a shit. I get up and run around the bathroom. It's great, I love it. You gotta take like, you gotta start taking the toilet paper out and trying to lob it at the motion sensor to get it, no one wants to shit in the past. You gotta take like, you gotta start taking the toilet paper out and trying to lob it at the motion sensor. No one wants to shit in the dark. You're vulnerable enough.

Yeah. Like that's when the robots are gonna take over the world. They're gonna calculate, they're gonna make everyone shit on mass. They're gonna, using their robotic ways. They're gonna calculate the spiciest, shittiest salsa known to man. And they're gonna make a robot ad campaign for free salsa. All the robots are gonna get in their self-driving cars and drive you the salsa at the beginning of the Super Bowl. And all of America is gonna

shit at the same time and that's when SkyNet will take over. Because everyone, every man in the US will be sitting on a toilet with their pants around their ankles. Remember an unforgiven when the kid kills the guy in the shitter? Yeah, most vulnerable. Most vulnerable.

I don't need darkness added to the mix. Right. All right, that's a good one, taunting from hack the most. Hey, I got one more question before you go. What handed are you? Are you left to right handed? Right handed.

Okay, what handed you used to jerk off with? Well, mostly the right, what's the awkward? Fuck, you're a righty, righty, you're a double, righty, too? Well, no, if I'm like sitting at a computer, you know what you're pouring, I switch off kind of. And you're right hand,

you're perfectly fine with your right hand jerking off. Yeah. It doesn't feel weird. The right hand able to get the job done. Man, maybe I am fucked. Yeah, man, that's all you. I don't know what to tell you about. All right, get the hell out of here.

Thank you. God dammit. What else do I got? I read some comments. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Dick, long time, listen to our first time email, I'm writing you today to just to let you know how much I appreciate the hardships

you go through to bring us to show hardships, Sean. I don't go to them any hardships. Let's be honest. I know full well the personal cost and internal terror that these kinds of situations bring an ex-friend to mind a real piece of shit threatened me with legal action for telling people about what he tried to abuse his girlfriend as well as she'd honor. Even though everything that was claimed was true, I didn't have the resources to fight any legal action. Man, that is a fucking bitch.

Yep. Watching you go through the same shit with Maddox, except actually having the resources defend yourself, gives me a vicarious thrill to know that at least somewhere in the world a piece of shit is gonna get what he deserves. I sure fucking hope so. P.S. go fuck yourself, sleepy marshmallow. Hey dick. Cryptocurrencies.

This is a rage from Reddit, LeCembro. When you get into a heated argument with a family member during a holiday dinner when someone tries to lighten the mood by cracking a joke or commenting on how good the food tastes. Hey, do you mind? I'm trying to get into a shouting match about white genocide over here.

Oh, so inconsiderate. Am I the only one bringing any spice to this party? I swear. Yeah, need to have a little spice, thanks, giving. Rossalam 808, Indian call center scammers claiming not to be Indian with heavy accents, using names like John Smith, yeah right. That is when they pick, when you pick up,

and I'm like, oh hi, this is, oh, hello. I am, I am David Wallace, like motherfucker. Come on. Why do I need to know your name first of all? Just start. Pick up the phone and go start. Trying to convince people that standard error message your signs of a virus.

It does every fucking time. It sure annoys me. Oh, hello. My name is Bob Dunfrey. Bob Dunfrey. Okay, man. You've talked to him. You have road rage Chicago stick tickets.

Still available, I talked about that. This has been the Dixho, thedixho.com, Dixho.com, the Dixho.com, the $20 million man. See next Tuesday. This outro is by DeGentleman. Oh, sounds classy. Oh. Sounds classy. Yeah. Sounds classy. Man, I'm feeling loopy today.

Oh yeah. When I wrecked that bike, I felt fucked up in my head all the rest of the day. I believe it. Like, I must have got some kind of concussion. I don't know how to say. What makes me a raise this week is fat people giving that at you for not eating. Oh. Well, they're hungry. Yeah. You know? Fuck off. Just because you can't go an hour without eating a fucking meal. Yeah. That doesn't mean everyone else can't. I'm not going to get fucking heartburn to not eating you fat fuck. Yeah. Try it for once. Have some. get fucking heartburn to not even you fast-fucked.

Yeah, try it for once. Have some. You might lose a little weight. Have some class with your addiction. If I can help you. You know, when I drink, I don't encourage everyone else to do it, usually. I don't need anyone else to do it. No, I just do it by myself because it feels good and I want to do it. Yeah.

If you want to eat, if you're fat ass wants to eat a cupcake or cookies, don't offer everyone else, don't make it everyone else's. There's enough temptation to resist all day, every day. Yeah. I can only say no so many times. And then eventually you're going to get a yes. Yeah, because you have a limited supply of nose, similar to Chi. Yeah, because I've been jerking get a yes. Yeah, because you have a limited supply of nose, similar to Chi.

Yeah, because I've been jerking off too much. Yeah. You want a cookie? You want a cookie? No, you want a cookie? No, you want a cookie? No, you want a cookie? Yes, I do. So I guess I fucking wanted. Fuck off.

Just shut the fuck up. Stop. I'm not hungry. I don't want to snack. I'm just, I'm trying to work on my own shit here. And you're cramming your own plan in, like a train. You're wrecking your own, you're wrecking this train of temptation into me. You're deliciousness.

I got a plan here. Fuck off. Yeah. Just you do it. You like snack so much you have them. Yeah, you don't need my permission You don't need my permission. It's not a team activity. It's not a team sport. It's not a group activity. You're on fucking snacks Fuck off Hey, that you know what makes me rage is new dress shirts

I don't know if your audience can relate what you and I when you buy a new dress shirt Comes wrapped in this plastic bag It can relate, but when you buy a new dress shirt, comes a wrapped in a plastic bag, you fold the wrapping off, there's stickers on it, and you find out there's 20 pins in there, there's cardboard, you start pulling pins out, like the sleeve is glued to the shirt, it's been more time preparing the shirt

for presentation and actually doing making it. It's absolutely infuriating. Go fuck yourself. Why are dress shirts like a diorama? I don't know. Why do you have to take them apart? And then you it gets all over the floor. Like there's a car there's the carcass of a dress shirt.

Yeah. On your floor whenever you get a new one. There's the cardboard backing. There's the ring of cardboard inside the collar. Yeah. It's pinned with pins about a hundred pins. Yeah. Stuck in everywhere.

Just the push pins. Yeah. That you are in your always in a rush because you waited till the last minute, and then you find, oh, someone took a part a shoe box and crammed it into the stress shirt. Yeah. There's the cardboard around the sleeves. Oh, yeah, yeah, there's those little U pins Pinging it everywhere What is the why? Yeah, try to keep it nice for you They should press it for me. That's what I need. Yeah, how many times have I showed up to a nice dinner or something with Vines all over my lip

Lines all over my shirt and then some asshole all over my lip lines, all over my shirt. And then some asshole, always usually a chick comes out and says, oh, you know what you do? You just hang it up in the shower while you're showering. Takes it right out. Why? What am I like? The magical shoe man and elves come at night

and make my shoes? What the fuck are you talking about? Keep it in the shower. No amount of steam floating around is don't take every opportunity is not a teaching opportunity for you. Go get your fucking teaching credential if you want to enrich mind so bad. I don't need this advice. If I could have got it on Google, I don't need it from you. That's my motto. You got advice for me? Can I Google it? Is it the first, if anyone ever presses the,

I'm feeling lucky and they get this advice, shut up. I would've looked for it. Do you think I like looking like I have three foot long crease nipples? Yes. Do you think I want everyone thinking that I just walked into a store and bought this? Because I'm so, I didn't plan enough.

I'm so stupid, I didn't press it at home. I don't want to look like this. Keep your life hacks to yourself. Or tell it to me later. Not at the, not while I'm in the middle of screwing up. If it's still fucking important to you, send me an email tomorrow. Hey, and then you'll realize how much of a stupid asshole you look like when you in the morning,

you wake up and go to send an email that says, hey, dick, by the way, couldn't help but notice that you're like a slough of the derelict. That you look like a fucking idiot and probably felt like an idiot all night. So I just wanted to give you this little bit of advice, actually, if you hang up your shirt while you take a shower and that's the moment before you hit spend that you'll send

that you'll realize what a dick you sound like. Gotta get it out right away. Oh, you got some tips on my shirt? On my creest up shirt? Let me get my palm pilot out and write them down. Yeah. I can't let this gem go to waste. Pretty worked up about the shirt.

Because I have every single shirt, I have worn the first time looking like that. And I hate them. I hate dress shirts so much. I hate looking like a fat ass. I look like a guy who got run over by a steam roller with the way the pockets stick out. I hate the collar on my neck. I fucking hate the arm things. They go all the way down.

You look like Violet Boe regard because I have like ball, a ball shaped upper body. And if I wear it, when I wear a puffy-ass dress shirt, it looks much worse. So I roll up the sleeves, but I have to roll them up to my goddamn armpits. Or else they hang in this weird slavvently way. Yeah. I fucking hate dress shirts. Hey, Dick, it's, uh, it's your guy, uh, Baldwin, when he got it, it's calling in, I fucking hate dress shirts hey It's a guy a bottle and a grab it's going in I got cool a rage for you I rage is when people ask you if you had mind to do something Like you I don't know if you like me, but you go through your standard of response

Your buddy comes up to you goes hey, hey, am I coming over to Saturday helping me move? You go, fuck no. And then you accidentally, you do exactly, you agreed, fuck, you can go help them move. So we're saying this fucking world. My, my create an inquisition that's like opposed to your standard response. Like, if someone asks you to do something you you suppose to say no

and that's yes and if you say yes is no fuck that don't ask me if I mind to do anything fuck you if you ask me if I mind to do something I'm going to say fuck no and I'm not going to show up or I'm going to say fuck yeah I'm actually going to be a good person who values their friendship and like their personal relationships and show up. Personal and professional reputation.

But generally, it's dog shit, fuck that. I don't want to, I don't want to mind do anything. Eat my dick. Uh, yeah, that's why, that's my rage. Go fuck yourself. Confusing. Yeah. Cause people go, Hey, Sean, do you think you might not mind

if I were to for ask you if you would think about, if you were to think about being the kind of person who might help me move. Maybe. Yeah. The only response. Maybe. So that's a yes.

I don't know. Maybe, yeah. Every time, every little qualifier, people can't ask, they can't ask for shit. Yeah. That's how they should, hey, do you think you could volunteer to help me move? Yeah, yeah, well I didn't, so no.

Right. You think you might bring up that you could help me with my website next time you come over. Hey, remind me next time you come over so that I can ask you if you would help me with something that's wrong with my car. What? No, just ask.

You don't need to wrap it up in a pretty presentation. Yeah, you don't need to wrap, you don't need to wrap it up in a pretty presentation. Yeah, you don't need to be 1984. I know everyone's more comfortable like that, but stop it. Hey, Victor, this is Sharon from Phoenix. I got a rage for you. It's people who recently become obsessed with hot sauce spicy food. They got a coworker who mentioned that he wanted to try some spicy or food to increase his tolerance. Like, cool man. I'm not interested in the name, but go for it.

And now he inserts it into every fucking conversation we have watched and it drives me insane. He brings in bottles of hot sauce and a work and puts them on the table like a conversation piece in case anyone needs it with us and respect the fucking time I'm talking about it again. So I'm interested in him and anytime someone talks about that it's like listening to someone talk about their dreams. Oh, anyways, thanks man. And you can't get away from it either. Yeah. Hey, you know, I need to build up my spice tolerance.

Well, that's what's more interesting to me is why he felt the need to do that and announce it. Yeah. What do you, I mean, you're preparing for a long friendship? Do you, any reason for this? Yeah, why you might need to build up your spice tolerance? And you can't even back out of it.

Are you just sick of being called a pussy or something? Or, what does this mean to you? I don't know. Why did you not want to work out or do something like that? So now you need to build, are you building a deck inside your brain? Is that what this is? You need a time life series on how to build up your fucking spice tolerance?

Can't get out of it either. I don't know. Even like a, even a subtle no response at all is not enough to eject you from that conversation. Hey, I'm building up my spice tolerance. No reaction at all. Oh, I'll take that as say nothing if you'd like me to continue talking about this every three seconds

Hello dick and hello dickheads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days Stove real name Steve is one of the most fucked up people in the Dicks show Facebook group Although most dickheads have a general disdain towards him Stove entered the status of legend last week when he uploaded a post-fight interview with himself and his bruised and baddened mother. What he detailed, step by step the hall is fight with his stepdad went down. Since Stov's victory against his stepdad, he has been quote, on holiday, even though he has never held a job in his entire life.

Justin Wynn may have discovered a glitch in the failproof system, when a girl he was speaking with began to talk about her father preemptively without being asked to. Dick had to retorn between the categorization of Red Flag and slam dunk. Ha! Last week Adam Nash was back in the Facebook group except now he is an East Asian named at the Muru Nashimoto and post only in Mandarin Chinese. Photos of the newly transformed Nash had been provided to Dick This has been the Dickshow Facebook group news for the last couple days. That's great

Hey, Dick spicy Tony. I heard the rage this week about a important looking male and it reminded me of one that really pisses me off I hate when banks send you really pisses me off. I hate when banks send you those letters that look like checks. You know the ones that have the perforated edges that you have to rip down and then you unfold it and it looks like a big check. And immediately your eyes are drawn towards, oh, which is check it will be worth. Then it says $50,000. And you're like, what the fuck, why am I getting, oh, oh, this is just an opportunity from the bank for me to get fifty thousand dollars we're talking about that

my talk about it carrying off these fucking stupid perforated edges not specifically that's the check for you yeah that's what they will you know you could get it's the worst one because you give it a second look

like you're like ah man what if, what if I had that money? Well, as soon as I see that many number places, I know it's fake because nobody's sending me that much money. I've had one as a way it was like, it's a hundred bucks. Oh, cool. Well, that's the one you might go, fuck. I wish I had this hundred bucks.

Fuck you. That was an interesting one Have you ever slapped your own balls? It shows me more. No, me either. Got baby dribbles with plopsuits. I'm trying to imagine girl on riding me. Well, he's smacking a little low, isn't he? Uh, yes.

Okay. So she's facing you. Well, that's what I'm saying. She's on top of you. Yeah. It's the only way that works out, right? I think so. And then you go to slap her ass. Man, that's it. And she's up.

What do you like? Slender man? How many elbows does this guy have? Yeah. That's a long reach around. Or build up that momentum. Or he's saying his dick is like a foot and a half long. But it's about his balls.

Yeah. If his dick was long, she would be even further away from his balls. Well, that's what I mean, but the rhythm got off and he mistimed it. And then he slapped his own balls. I'm just going by the man's words. Hold on, I'm trying to,

I don't even know if I could slap my own balls. Well, and if you could, with the instruction in the way, I do my slapping with my right hand. Okay. Yeah. It's got the power in it, right? Uh, I can cup. I can make that cup. Oh, I don't know if I can make good ass slab and cup with my left hand. Well,

I have to try that out. Yeah. Okay, one more, one more. Andrew from Eugene Oregon. I always mean to play his stuff. Yeah. So this is the angel Oregon and what makes me the rage is people like me, people who, one more. Andrew from Eugene, Oregon. I always mean to play his stuff. Yeah. So this is Andrew, Oregon, and what makes me the rage is people like me, people who have experienced nothing but an insensivity. I get it from all sides. There's nothing that's genuine in my culture, in my life, in my society, in my. And even music or acting or industry or anything of art is almost no way to find anything genuine anymore.

So the only way in this art, I can find a genuine reaction from people to mine a little nugget of humanity out of people if you will, it's just a fuck with them. But the only way we'd like to get a humanity out of people with you will it's just a fuck with them. But the only way we'd like to get a real response from people that blakes the programming and makes them, you know, come to reality and stop speaking on autopilot, it's just to speak gibberish, to speak actual stuff and it's so many people, to say it's not a big completely offensive. Yeah.

And then you finally get them to respond with an emotion of some type, even if it's discussed, because I can work with disgust. I can't work with dope. I mean, yeah, I can't work with nothing. The game is really, really big for your age. It is impossible. Even all I hear people talk about like their family and stuff that they got going on in their family and the way their family annoys them. Like, why don't you just tell them? Oh, no, no, no.

Can't do that. Then what's the point? What's the point of anybody? What's the point of talking to anybody if you can't just tell them exactly what you think? All the time. Oh, Yeah. All the time. Oh, your family all the time. And your friends most of the time.

You know, and then everybody else, it is annoying. Yeah. Can't get a single genuine reaction from people. I'm trying to think of an instance of that. I can't. A genuine reaction or a, yeah. Not getting it. Oh, not getting it. And not getting it.

Well, I don't know. I mean, we're taught to behave a certain way at work and stuff, I think. For no reason. Yeah. Although, maybe we have to, or else every day at work would turn into a family camping trip. Yeah. Screaming at each other. Exactly.

That's it. Let's get out of here. Thanks guys. Thanks.