The Dick Show - Episode 8 – Dick on Sean

Episode Date: July 26, 2016

Download the MP3 This week, Sean rakes in the compliments because of his stupid handsome face, I talk America’s newest past-time, America’s oldest past-time, how to win at Pokeman Go, Robbin (female) Higgins stops by to tell us what makes her a rage, Robin (male) sends in an Erotic Stories From Real Men, Dustin Siniawa’s … Continue reading "Episode 8 – Dick on Sean" The post Episode 8 – Dick on Sean appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah Yeah Welcome to dick robin get in on the action. It was so long ago, yeah, I thought I needed to join. Yeah, that's the thing about Yaz. You just, yeah, and everybody wants to join in on the, yeah. It's part of human nature. Just, yeah, if you want to get somebody, I was in Vegas and some celebrity guy was walking up with his girlfriend,

some like a sea-list celebrity. Like he was a, he was a once every three episode guy on CSI. It's pretty good. It's better than me. Right. It's better than all of us, but the point is like you, you wouldn't recognize him. Yeah. I didn't even recognize him.

We're standing in line at, at the Rio. And, and my sister goes, hey, that's the guy. That's like the assistant to the assistant on CSI Vegas. And I said, hey, it's the guy from TV. Yeah, and I just, because he's there with his date and I'm like, how cool would it be if he's walking up to a hotel with a date? He's obviously in a date because he's all dressed up. She's all dressed up and he's a young guy. He's probably just becoming a celebrity and he's taking up to a hotel with a date, he's obviously in a date because he's all dressed up, she's all dressed up and he's a young guy.

He's probably just becoming a celebrity who's taking this hot chick out. He's probably a little nervous because he feels self conscious. She was way out of his league. If he wasn't a celebrity, I would think, high class. It's a CSI date. It's a CSI date. What if he gets a CSI? So I just start going, yeah, everybody, look at this guy.

Yeah. All right. And people, at first people are kind of looking around like, well, should I be seeing something interesting here? Prove it to me. Prove it to me that I should give you a yeah. And I just go, yeah, no, no, no, yeah. And they all start clapping.

And this guy like starts waging, like he gets real sheepish and he starts waving back. I think, I think I made that guys night. I get guys laid all over everywhere. That's like my aura. I'm always you're the general. Uh, what's what's it called? Like the, the man that wing wing man, you're the just the life swing man. I'm the wing man for everybody in the world. I'm America's wingman. That's me, Dick Masterson America. Hey, welcome to Dick. You love Dick, you need Dick, you want more Dick.

You got it. With me, as always, is Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. What's up, buddy? How's it going? That's going all right. You have made me a rage this week. Again?

Well, yes. Yeah, it's, I'll get to it. But the guest today, my guest today is the very, the very funny, the very beautiful, the very lovely Robin Higgins. Oh, thank you for that lovely intro. Robin, it's been a while. Yes. It's been a long time.

I miss you. Oh. How have you been? You were a certified rage in the former podcast. I got to go into this energy level up. I got to just, I'm going to be angry. We're so fucking angry. Foked is here.

Can I, you know, can I just say that, uh, well, you're an alumnus. Yes. You're an alumnus. Yes. You're a part of the, of the rageful history that is potential co-hosts from the biggest problem in the universe. You've proved your rage time.

And again, you've sent me a list of topics. Every single time that I thought every single time I got your proposed ideas for the biggest problem. I said, that's great. Oh, that's a great one. Like I would go down to the list as women, not women not murdering enough men was one of the topics. I would love to hear someone defend this for 15 minutes, right?

Yeah, those were your topics. Yeah. So you've got something great for us today. From one of those lists. Oh, you got something great for. So you've got something great for us today. Mm-hmm. I've got one of those lists. Oh, you got something great for me. I've got something great for you. Okay. Two. Okay, but first of all, let me tell you what makes me rage. Sean. What? Sean has been busting my chops on getting on the Patreon video. There's a live video stream of this show for Patreon people. Then I have the video edited and posted on patreon.com and every week, whether or not Sean would be on there was like a roster

Rachel will they won't they? Well, will we see Sean's beautiful face on the video or not? So last week was is that is that accurate? Yeah, well, it's set up across the way. Okay. So last week Sean was on the video stream on patreon.com slash the dick show. Everybody's worst nightmare, right? Why? Being on oh being exposed on video for the first time in front of an audience of a thousand patriots who make it, who pride themselves on their ability to rage and destroy people, right?

That's your audience. That's my, and I love them. Because I want to, I think the world would be better off with more hate. If every yes, if the whole world was a hate machine, this is the battle. This is like the Autobots and the Decepticon battle of our age. The one side, one side of the of the battle, one side of the war, they want everything to be nice and soft and cuddly and encouraging and they want everything to be a giant hug box.

And my side of the equation, who I consider the good guys, but in all honesty, are probably really the bad guys and I'm just describing the psychology of a supervillain. Like I really think that my side is better. We just want to hug box everything to death. Like we want everybody to point out everything that is wrong with everything at all times because that's love. That's love to us. Like if I feel, when I feel eviscerated,

life is one big roast. When I feel that someone has taken the time to look at me and say, this is what's wrong with you, A to B, like for three hours. I'm like, I'm picking up that you really took the time to care about me. You have, it's like the no negative attention thing.

That's like your ultimate, it's just like any of, but what about three hours of compliments? You'd rather have the rage. Well, but you could, you'd rather have the attention. You feel like the rage must be honest. But the, see, the compliment is bullshit. Because when you get a compliment, you feel compelled to think,

to whoever gave you the compliment. Like it's an immediate obligation and a burden. If, go ahead. Well, or to tear it down. You know where you're just like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, and it's an immediate obligation and a burden. If go ahead, well, or to tear it down, you know, you're just like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, and it's always, there's always a presumption in the compliment. Like when I, when I play music, well, like, especially piano, because I've been playing piano for a long time, like 10 plus years, I played in a band, a piano band was shot forever. He plays everything. He's a drummer, guitar player.

What's that? You said you were in a piano band? Yeah, piano band. I'm a bunch of pianos. No, Robin. No, he'd be an asshole about our awesome band. I literally don't know a piano band to me. Is this a piano and a drum?

And a drums. And a bass player. And a bass player every once in a while. I feel like you have to define it. Because if you just say band, people roll their eyes and call. Well, yeah, I feel like you have to define it, because if you just say band people roll their eyes and call this guy, well, what were your songs about? The Chattano. The Trills, the Dumpty Pills.

Well, no, he was more, like, he can play a lot of stuff, but it's, he almost plays like punk piano. It's definitely like bashing the shit out of it. I'm broken. And broken many piano strings. Oh yeah, no, it's ridiculous. Like, I know how to tie a knot in a piano cord. I had to learn how to do this

because I was sick of paying the asshole from the musical, from, was it Cal Arts? I was sick of paying some skinny jean bearded asshole from Cal Arts $120 to come over and put a new bass string on my piano when I would tear it through. It's like, fuck you.

I don't need a new string. I'm just going to learn how to tie a knot in this string, right? Anyway, whenever I sit down, playing a piano is like every time you get up to play, it's like going through that king Arthur pulling the sword from the stone. Okay. Like if you play a guitar, you can see one at a party and you can pick it up and you can kind of take it aside and be like and like lure people in.

Like you're like, you're just noodling around. You're just fiddling around. What are my plates? Just a little stairway to heaven over here. Don't mind me. Don't mind me. You're absolutely the party if you play stairway to heaven. Whatever you're doing, you can feel people out.

You can ease into it. You can give a little, put your little tips of your toes in if you're playing guitar. That's like a real shim and instrument, right? Piano, if you, if you fuck up everyone knows immediately, you the compliment, this is what I dread every single fucking time I do it. I do it because I get drunk and then look for a piano because I feel like if I can entertain people with the playing piano drunk, then I have a bigger license to be a huge asshole. Like I feel like that's, once I've provided the value.

Yeah, without the piano guy, let's let him smash this chair. Yeah, or like you can just coast for the rest of the evening. Sure, sure. I've provided some value as a man I can just relax for the rest of the evening. I always have that feeling, like I need to provide some kind of, this is the comment that sends me into a bigger rage

than any other after I've done, after I've played a piano, like someone will come up and here's the compliment. That was amazing. You're so lucky. Oh. And I'm like, what exactly, that's when I turned into Joe Pesci from Goodfell's,

like what do you mean lucky? Yeah, yeah. What almost it, lucky, was it lucky that every day, I tripped and played this for two hours, practicing scales, like a robot for two hours in the dark, so I can play drunk, so I don't have to look at the keys. What is the luck part of it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you saying that you're unlucky? Are you somehow, is this just a luck thing that I'm able to do this and you're not? Where is the luck here? Is everyone who practices at a craft just lucky? Are you saying you're just, you're as good as everyone? This is a compliment to me.

Like this is, that's the risk of a guy. If they just walked them and said, you could play a little softer. I get, what do you just like have been folds rip off? I'm like, okay, I respect that. Yeah, you get weird compliments. That's how I feel about math. People are just like, oh my God,

it's just so lucky that you can do math. And it's just like, man, you do not. You didn't see into my childhood, which is just C lucky that you can do math. And it's just like, oh man, you do not, you didn't see into my childhood, which is just cum on packet after cum on packet and me crying and not having any friends. Wait a minute, what's a cum on packet? It's like a... It's a season in that you use in a lot of Mexican food.

That's what I thought. Yeah. No, that can't be true. Mexicans aren't known for being good at math. What's a cum on packet? It's like a silver learning center. It's just another brand of that called cum on. And it's the one that my parents may be do. And it's just like, is this kind of like a silver learning center. It's just another brand of that called Kumon, and it's the one that my parents may be do.

And it's just like, is this kind of like a hippie dip? No, it's like a tutoring center. It's super Asian. It comes from China, I think, and... That's super Asian. It's, I think it's China. Well, my guy with Mr. Chin was Chinese. Anyway, but yeah, he, I was just doing all his math packets

and people noticed like, oh, it's just so great that you had the opportunity to do that because you're a good at math out of luck or something. Yeah, it's horrible. It's like, no, I've sat there, cried over long division for hours. Totally, the guy, it's all the work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It seems like a, like people brag about not being good at math. Like, oh, I can't do math, I'm terrible at math. It's like, no, you don't like math. You don't like it. That's why you're not good at it. I don't like work. I think it's hard. I think it at math. It's like, no, you don't like math. You don't like it. That's why you're not good at it. I don't like work. Yeah, you've got to work it into you. You don't like work it hard.

Yeah, yeah. We've got to have a question. Can we do a little bit, we have enough time for a five minute diversion. Nothing to do with anything. Robin, we got all the time in the world. We got to version time. Great, this is my show.

So if we are all in like a caveman society, okay, what role do you think you would have in the caveman society? Oh, shit, that's a good question. Because it's like, you just said that with piano compliment, you wanna add value, you're thinking about the group dynamic, you wanna add value, you do or like, but you're kind of a leader, you lead this podcast,

but you also are so anti-that that it's like, what caveman, yeah, there's like 20 or 30 cavemen, what I think. I think I would be 20 or 30 cavemen. It's a smaller group. Like you don't have a cave. How many cave broads are we talking about? Again, 20 or 30. That's like a small group.

Okay, so there's about 40 cavemen. I think I would be the law and order cavemen. Okay. You know, like I'm, but you're making up the laws too, because it's not like that. Yes, yes, the law. And what I'm saying is because you can't have the guy

in charge being the law and order a caveman, because then he's gonna get killed. But what I'll say is, look, you keep, you're the, you're the, you're the caveman everyone likes. And I'm the guy that everyone loves to hate. And I like it. You're the chaney. People didn't like him?

Right? They didn't like Dick Chaney? They didn't like Dick Chaney? He was great. What do you mean he had that nice old man face? And he was cuddly. He didn't like Chaney. He shot his friend.

That's hilarious. He's a prankster. I think you just found your heart mate or whatever. That's like if you can shoot your friend and you're still friends, that guy didn't even tweet at him. Because your friends, because you're the mean caveman guy would have, you're the number two. That's who you're describing.

Lot, no, not in a poop references. The law and order caveman. If I see somebody fucking around, I'm gonna stop that from happening. And I'm also the caveman you need when other 40 groups of cavemen come around. You think you'd be like a big battle caveman. Oh yeah. I'm also the caveman you need, when other 40 groups of cavemen come around. You think you'd be like a big battle caveman? Oh, yeah.

I'm going over. If they got something we don't have, I'm taking it. No hesitation. We need, if we need that, we're going to take it. That's going to be our, if we're talking about a Mad Max type situation, I'm going to get that tanker of boob milk. That's my boob milk. I'm taking it. Okay. I agree with that. that tanker of boob milk. That's my boob milk. I'm taking it.

Okay. I agree with that. I don't know what the fuck. Anyway, what makes me a rage about you getting back to this? You are exposed himself bravely to a thousand patriots. And what does he get? Listen to this feedback that Sean gets on the fucking Patreon, Kyle Belmont. I never questioned by heterosexuality until seeing Sean. James Spedding, Sean, you are one succulent morsel of man meat. Walter Vendidi, Sean is so handsome. Lena May, Sean, you are incredibly handsome. That's a girl that said that. It's not just gay men complimenting you. There's a woman in here too. Hey, I'll tell you what.

What? It's flattering when anybody finds you attractive. I don't care, gay, whatever. No, you're right about that. Yeah, I don't know how people are like, you know, they get so self-conscious or something. Well, when a man compliments them. Yeah, like if you'd like, I'm a straight guy.

Prove it. Okay, come over here. Yeah, but what? Yeah, no, if somebody, I'm a straight guy, prove it. Okay, come over here. Yeah, but what? Yeah, no, if somebody, I don't care. If any other human finds you attractive, that's a compliment. Yeah, because that's all we want. Like, it's really the best compliment.

Somebody, even in the case of like something you've worked Robin, you've worked hard for math. I've worked hard at playing a piano. You work hard for everyone. So I was like, oh, that's a nice thing you're done, but also, you look great. That's the part that feels good. But here's the thing, don't you guys notice when,

if you really like somebody or you like their personality, they become more attractive? Oh yeah. And that's for us, too. Yeah, yeah. What's that? If someone sucks, then they become less attractive. Yeah.

I'm actually, I hate all the guys on the Bachelor at, because they're all just the most gross, like, dumb, real people. Yeah. yeah, except for that guy Chad He really he's just He was all rooted out he threatened to cut people's arms and legs off if they didn't stop like being mean to him when he wasn't around He said I'm gonna go find them. I sent Chad of right after he got kicked off I sent him an email on Facebook. I found him on Facebook.

Sean, do you, you don't care. You don't wanna know about this, Bachelorette, shit, do you? You're probably so busy looking in the mirror every day. You don't need reality television. It's a rest of us. It's your show, caveman. Oh, fuck. And the worst, and it's not just that you get compliments.

It's that at the same time time as you're getting Sean, the guy who can do no wrong, is getting complimented on Patreon. I'm getting emails like, hey Dick, is there a download for the audio? Not for nothing, but I don't wanna stare at your receding hairline for an hour, I listen to your show, I'm like, motherfucker,

yeah, here's the download link, but this camera is at a bad angle, the one that's on me. Like, I got one of those, my look from, from dead on, Robin, which you're at. Mm-hmm. My hairline. It looks good.

It looks good from dead on. Yeah. But I'm like two-face, like the Batman's villain. Oh. So on this side, on the right side, which is facing the camera, when all the people can watching, you'd see, there's like a little bit of a hump. And on this side, on this side, the hairline is actually encroaching.

It's not receding. It's actually coming down. Okay. Yeah, so I've got like a Bezier line that's getting tweaked the older I get. So the hair, so it just looks bad. But you're right. You know what, Tyra Bay, it's different. It's different.

We're just tired of things, right? A five head. Please don't start with the five-head shit. I get enough small face as it is. Mine's just eating too. Oh, Jesus, it's like shut up. Everyone's done, man. Mine just looks like that. It's always just looked like this.

It's always had a huge forehead. And I have a calyx, so I can't have bangs. That's a big problem in my life. You've always had a calyx in the front. Like in the front that makes it. There's a calyx right here. I can't also have curly hair. I can't, I also have curly hairs. I can't straight, also looks.

If you have curly hair and you straighten just your bangs, which is like the easiest thing to do, you look like a dougar. Well, it's like a super Christian family look. It's like, if you look at... Dougar? Oh, that's like a... 23 kids accounting.

If you have just a straight face. The molester family, or whatever it is. Yeah, it's just like, I'm, it's a very Christian and gross looking. Okay, anyway, that was the first thing that made me rage this week. Number two, number two, delivery fees. Delivery fees. Delivery fees.

Okay, it was the last time you paid a delivery fee. This is how they fuck you with delivery fees. Because none of it has to do with the delivery fee when they're delivering something big. None of it has to do. With the delivery fee, when they're delivering something big, none of it has to do with how much work it actually takes to deliver the thing. No, it's like a last. But nothing is based on that.

It's a post, but the price of the thing is, like if they wrote you in with the cabinets, and they'll say, they say, here's the cabinets, we're competitive with lows or whomever, but as soon as you buy it, that's when they fuck you with a $200, $300, $400, where you sit there, where you have to do the devil's arithmetic to say, wait a minute, how the hell did you reach this amount? Because I could go to U-Haul, I could rent the truck, I could get the day laborers on

the side of Home Depot and pay them to do this myself in like half this amount. $100 and like $120, that's okay, but they put you in a position where you have to say, well, either I pay three times the markup of this thing or I try to rope my brother-in-law into doing it with me. It's a subset of helping your friends move. You're talking about furniture. Anything.

That's furniture. The only delirious I've ever paid is like a pizza or something or like whatever, you want food delivered. And that's still a fun. It's terrible. But I thought we're talking about two dollars. There's delivery fees that are hundreds of dollars. Oh yeah, my brother.

How rich are you? What are you buying? Well, that's no matter what. That's what they get you wear on that. No, I can't afford anything that I would deliver if he. My brother-in-law buys this, but really fancy, really fancy cabinet set. This guy's fancy. This guy's fancy as fuck.

He's so fancy that, well, cabinet's on rollers, name brand cabinets, I'm sure. What is some cabinet, man? I don't know. I don't remember what the name is. He calls me, he says, hey, Dick, I got a favorite ass you. Can you help me with this delivery? Because they're trying to hammer me with a delivery fee. And my first response is, oh, it should be his, no.

Go fuck yourself, you do it. Right? And he goes, well, yeah, but the delivery fee is $280. Oh, man, that's like, that is the amount. If you're moving, I know how much movers cost and you can do it yourself, but $280 for cabinets. So charge them $275 and be done. Well, that's the, it's like.

It's like how they price generic drugs. How's that? By charging the very max. By charging just a little less that it's called shadow pricing. So it has nothing to do with what it costs. It just is like, oh, if the regular drug is $300, so like, well, price it at 280, it's still cheaper. Okay, shadow pricing is what makes me a rage then.

Yeah. Because they don't like, oh, it's bullshit. That should be the ad. Home Depot, we've got great prices on everything, but we're totally gonna fuck you on the delivery fee. Yeah, and you know, it is like, it's also part of it is the surprise because I do like, you know, I was on prime a lot

and people be like, well, they just weren't the delivery cost into the thing. I'm like, that's fine, because when I'm looking at it, I know how much it's gonna fucking cost me, you know? Yeah, throw it on, throw it on. It should be. It should be.

So we're going, we're driving to pick up this fucking cabinet, right? And you think how many SUV loads could it take for a cabinet? He says they're gonna load it all in. Of course, we get there, and it's any of these big hardware stores, so there's no one to be found. It's one lady with one of those pump up fork lifts that just slide around. She's like, here you go. Here's eight tons of cabinets.

Good luck with that. My first thought, because I fucked up in the first place by not bringing a truck. My truck. I have a truck in my parents' house. Whose house, by the way, might be burning down, as we speak. My parents have a truck and I'm like, well, I want to just drive over there and grab the truck.

That voice is in my head, but for some reason, the voice that works the arms and the body is stupid and does and considers that voice that's smart, like a dad voice. So when I hear something like, hey, you should go pick up the truck, don't be an idiot. There's no, only an idiot would do what you're about to do. Go pick up the truck dick. My first thought is fuck you. I know what I'm doing. Even though that thought also came out my head. Like I want to make the day, the day that I will be happy in life is when that voice becomes the voice that runs everything. And the voice that always wants to do dumb things, that always wants to do it live, that always just wants to plow through and not go back, not go pick up the truck, not tie things down on the way to Burning Man.

So they fall out on the back of the truck on the freeway. That voice, the day that voice becomes the little kid that I'm saying, hey, shut up. We're doing it the correct way, then I will be happy. I think that's the day that you have a baby. And then what, and then you just- I don't think you'll be happy because we'll be a baby here.

He's not gonna tie the baby down though, and that's- Because you'll be forced to be like, fuck, the baby needs XYZ. But then you're gonna be like, Goddamn, and then you resent that baby forever. Oh, that explains it. And that will make him happy. I think that the day the voice is switched is the day that he is he resent that baby forever. Oh, that explains it. And that will make him happy.

I think that the day the voice is switched is the day that he is in charge of a child. But I don't think that then you just are miserable for a different reason. You're miserable because you have to like do, you miserable because you force yourself to do the thing you never wanted to do. Maybe that's true.

It's like the voice is forced, the other voice is out. Yeah. And that's part of becoming a man. Yeah, yeah,'s part of, and that's becoming a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's missing in a lot of men's lives these days. Like, I see, men are growing up, and I'm like, and I'm looking around, I'm thinking, what the fuck are you thinking about?

That's not like, you gotta get, as much as I hate to say it, you gotta get a girl around. Then you will think better. You will think, when I see it, if I see too many guys hanging out together, they start thinking crazy. You know what I mean?

They start thinking real goofy about like the world, the world around, I mean, they're getting into build a burger group conspiracies. They get real wacky. I'm like, you need, maybe you need a kid around too. Maybe that's what forces you to start making good decisions because there's no more ego anymore. Because that's what it is.

I just don't want to admit that I was wrong at all in the first place by saying, ah, fuck it, we don't need a truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if you can somehow make it all happen with trying less hard, that's the ultimate goal. Any amount of like, oh, getting the truck and stuff, you've now inconvenienced yourself. You're shooting, you're like shooting for that

ultimate. I did it lesily and it worked because I'm the best. And it's all, it pays off. Sometimes you can achieve that goal. Robin, that's the wrong voice. It never pays off. It never pays off. I get, even if it would have been, we get there. We're loading up this SUV with cabinetry, with who God knows how much, I should've asked how much that fucking Cabnutry cost. You didn't ask? No, I don't like, I wanna get into, I don't wanna get into finances with family

because then everything becomes a pissing context. What type of wood was it? It was metal. Metal, right? That motherfucker, he said cabinets, and I thought, wood, no problem, but then I get there and it's like metal shop cabinets. Oh well, would, no problem, but then I get there and it's like metal shop cabinets.

Oh, well, wait a minute. You say cabinets, I'm thinking about like something for my keel, like a pegboard that I could wind in with an Allen wrench with a dosekies in one hand. Takes an hour and a half and we're done. We get there, it's like full on Daleks like metal cabinetry, right?

So not a cabinet at all. What do you call that? It's not a cabinet. It's like a tool, it's a toolbox. Yeah, it's a toolshed. So we get there, even if we could jigsaw and tetris this shit into the back of his SUV, all of the insides of the SUV are made out of the most brittle

plastic, like from a Halloween candy bucket, from 1985 that's been left in the sun for 20 years. Like, I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait. So we didn't pay the 280, but now we're trying to fragilely move these, these 300 pound boxes around in this plastic that would like, that you could, that I could press my nose against it. And I think that the plastic would break before my nose broke. There are so many situations in life where throwing money at the problem is the best idea that you can have. And that's how they know they got you. Right. Because they're doing what did you

say shadow pricing? Yeah. They're shadow pricing you at the cost of everything else in your fucking lives. That's right. Yep. Because I know the adult me is like, well, the adult me knows the millions of things that could happen and wants to prevent them. Like breaking everything apart in the inside of the SUV.

Like destroying the inside of a nice SUV, right? So we make it work. We make three trips. We make three trips. Every time we go back, we gotta go through the same fucking thing, bring the fork, lift out, you, where's the rest of our thing? Sign a thing, bring it back, we get it all home, we unpack it all, we screw the wheels on,

we put it up, all aligning on the side of the garage, right, looks beautiful, nice, expensive cabinets. We go through, open one of the doors. Walls dinged. Wall, the wall, the metal wall is bent like somebody smashed it with a sledgehammer. Like, well, what the fuck? It looks like the other one.

Also dinged. Every, every, every single one we got was dinged. And it wasn't you guys moving it? It was just, it was a pre-ding. No, because they were crated when we got them. Like someone would have had to hammer this. It's like treated steel. It's like the kind of steel that you walk on and it hurts your feet if you walk on shadow

pricing. That's what makes me a rage this week. I also discovered it. Well, I don't feel like I'm on a cliffhanger now. What happened? Did you accept the dings you returned them? I don't know. I said, I'm fucked this I'm outta here.

This was a huge waste of time. This was a huge waste of time and I feel bad about it. Even though it makes no difference to me, whether it's like I assume they'll come pick them out up now and they can shove the $300 fee up their ass. But it's still, I feel worse because it was an unsuccessful day. Yeah, that sounds like a horrible day. I mean, it was really hot too.

It was hot. Yeah, it was hot. Anyway, I'm taking up too much time with my rants about what makes me a rage. Let's get to some data from last week. Joe Star, Joe Star was on huge rage. Yeah, it had to be a huge rage, huge rage, rage factor of seven. I know Joe pretty well.

Yeah. You never seen him anywhere close to rage. I was looking at the website. I was very surprised that he was like a, like, top one, second, right? Yeah. His second to his Denzel. Yeah. Really?

What a Denzel rank. An eight. And he's going to be a next week. Oh, good. To defend his, or to cement his championship at the top of the rage pool. Yeah. Oh, hoes. You're calling it.

Well, I mean, that's what he's coming in to do. Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean, you're not going to have anybody else on who may be able to, of course, I will. I just want to, well, Denzel said he's going to write that movie. Denzel said he's going to write a movie that's better than hang over two and three. Right. So he's going to bring in the first, he said he's going to write that movie. Then Zell said he's going to write a movie that's better than hangover two and three. Right. So he's going to bring in the first, he said he's going to bring in what he has so far.

He said he'd do it in two months. It's been a month. Okay. He's going to bring in what he's got. He just has a title. Blackout. No, hangover four. Oh, hangover four.

Yeah. Blackout is good. Yeah. Okay, man, that was a listener, wasn't it? Yeah. That was good. William Clinton says Joe Star needs to go check out reddit.com slash R slash DGU, where they catalog all good and bad cases of defensive gun use

that hit the news. I went there, Joe's problem was guns. Yeah, he was talking just how he's afraid. He seemed like he was just kind of afraid of that guns exist. Kind of. Yeah, maybe. I mean, the thing is though, when you bring up stats with that, it's like, what's the expression?

If you torture statistics, they'll say anything you want. Yeah, it's the way like it's, it was like the life expectancy. I found out in America, I think is the only country that factors murder in their life expectancy. What a useful stat. Well, yeah, I mean, it is our classic. Well, no, I mean, I don't know if that's still true, but it was at one time.

So it's like, it's not like there's 100,000 murders in the US every year, but it does impact it, does it not? Well, it's disingenuous. It is. No, it is the problem. No, it is the problem. It is disingenuous.

Statistics to me are the modern way of lying with abstracts. That's right. That's right. They really are and nobody digs into how they put a stats together. They get the result, they get the headline they want. Okay, I'll give you a quick story I hope on this. I went camping this weekend and I discovered the new American pastime. Do you know what it is? Do you remember what the old American pastime was? Baseball. Baseball.

Baseball. Good. People getting together, cheering for their team, having a fun afternoon of sport. Yeah. You know what the new American pastime is? Race baiting. Best of the new American pastime. Because no, the camping trip wasn't complete until we

were all sitting around the campfire, getting shit faced, having a rousing game of race baiting across both sides. That's how, that's what, that's what interacting is now. Very good. Where my life coach and I are in, on one side in our Trump hats, right? So this is, we're camping with Harvard educated people. Like these are professionals educated at Harvard. Well, or Harvard indoctrinated people.

Sean, I mean, that's unfortunately. No, I'm not shitting on Harvard. It's a best school in the world, but. Well, but why? Cause it's rank number one by the British, but yeah. It's rank number one. That's all we, like at what point does it's best school in the world. Well, but why? Because it's rank number one by the British, but yeah. It's rank number one. That's all we know. Like at what point does it become a school that just indoctrinated people or vice it, like

well, I think there's some of that at every school. Yeah. Well, anyway, you're thinking would be a natural reaction would be, oh wow, I can't wait to talk to these learned people about something. And I'm sure that's exactly what you were thinking. Robin, what do you mean? You think I was waiting for some kind of liberal left wing argument to break out? Get out of here.

Is that what you're involved? Never, never. Okay. So yeah, you're saying I just hope I could just want to learn. I just want to learn. If you want to somebody brings up a lawyer, brings up one of the cases that they're working on. And they say it's a black woman who's getting prosecuted

because she told her husband and a bunch of people in the building that she was going to kill them. And I'm like, oh, okay, that's, that doesn't, what's the prosecution? Well, the prosecution is she made death threats against a bunch of people. Death threats can really go to court. Well, that's what I'm saying. How far can you prosecute someone?

I don't know. I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. I'm not, but she's, but his point of point is that it was obviously, at the very end, he goes to the whole case and he goes, and it was such an obvious case of racism. That's what, well, that's what we said. Well, obviously that happens, but that is also when you have, when you have minorities involved, that's also the easiest thing to say.

Well, nothing easier than saying that. That was my life coach's point, And I was excited to see it only because I have seen him walk people through why they believe what they believe. And I honestly think he's like a modern day Socrates. Like well, he's so logical. He will not make leaps of logic. You'll never go from point A to Z. He will take you every step, even if it seems pedantic. Yeah, and that a lot of times is where the confusion is. Like that's where he'll make people question their values. I've seen him do it at bars, where he will get somebody

who is fervently anti-gun to agree to go out shooting with him. Well, and he will never let a point pass unchallenged. It's insane. Pists as people off unchallenged. It's insane. It pisses people off. He's married. He's married. Is the woman nice? Is his wife nice?

Oh, yeah. Is she great? Do they do it together? Is it like a dynamic? Yes. There's like two lawyers. Talk to them. Yeah.

And they seem to resolve everything. It's like it's being around it for me. He's like listening to aliens talk to each other. Yeah. Because I just am not used to that way of talking. And even at the campfire, when the, when the rousing game of race bathing started, I was just like, I'm going to sit back and watch him work his magic. Well, you know what you were saying earlier about like getting in like debates or whatever.

Like my, my brain just wants to look at stuff and be like, I don't know, whatever. I can't engage. That makes me the worst rager. I'm going to rage on my topic though. I'm going to do it. Now I'm distracting. All these rage things, I'm just like, yeah, I don't know. Maybe. Okay. Hey, check this out. Mojanga, he says, I got two years less a day of probation for death threats. And I don't know if he's less, less so he got two years, I don't know, one day less than two years. I don't know why they would do that. For making death threats.

For making death threats. Yeah. Dude, it's not as if it is that probation period. True. He said, yes. Yeah, it's definitely a crime. I had no idea anyone actually like a punish for it though. Oh, yeah. Well, apparently this guy was saying that it's because of racism. And that's, that's what started this, this, this entrance, that's what started the gentleman starts your engines with America's greatest pastime, which is race baiting, right? Everybody gets your hot dogs and tune in for your favorite race baiting channel. Yeah. Because no, then I was, I was thinking life coach would start zeroing in on some of these things and talk us through it. But what do you know? The drunkest guy in the world,

who's, he's the kind, stumbles over with a beer in his hand and cigarettes in both hands and logic in his brain. Oh, and start stabbing into the air at these, like the complete opposite boilerplate counterpoints that everyone's making about, well, it's because of slavery and you can't understand because you're not a minority.

I'm like, well, I am a brown. Like, well, you're not brown enough. Like back and forth and he's coming in with, well, it's about the family and family. I'm sitting there watching this, just like I'm watching a baseball game. Thinking, there's no one's going to, whoever wins in this, whoever's points wins at the Dodgers beat the Giants. If like the, if like the, the black fathers need to do more work team, beats the all cops are racist, nobody's going to want, like some of the Dodgers aren't going to defect to

the Giants because they lost a game. Like nobody's learning anything from this. Nobody's mind is being changed. And so much, it's at the volume of these arguments is so intense. Like it's just like Facebook and just every fucking conversation with any group of people. It's just like, I don't know. I don't fucking know. We're all gonna die. We're all gonna die. We're all gonna ash. Yeah. What are you gonna do about it? What are you? What are you gonna do about it? Like what do we stop posting on Facebook? Well, that was what I was looking forward to

most, just getting away from Facebook and the news for weeks. I could stop with the race breeding, shit. Yeah, but it's, it's like, it's just everything. It's about any topic. It's just extreme arguing, you know? Okay. Well, let's get into some extreme argue. Yeah. Yeah. So I thought that was interesting though. DGU Reddit.com slash R slash DGU. Just because it, why not check out some news where people are using a gun to defend themselves? I got some erotic stories, but before that, Robin. I want to hear what makes you a rage. What makes me rage? And this is very true, because we went over a bunch of topics before, when I'm tit chatting and you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're What makes you a rage? What makes me rage? And this is very true, because we went over a bunch of topics before, kind of, titch-chatting, and you're like, no, pick the one that makes you just fucking upset,

not even the one you think the most jokes on or whatever. Yeah. And so I really think of this almost every day, it's just boring people. It's boring people. It's boring fucking people. And I feel like I have very few, it's almost willfully boring. Because if you are someone who does whatever shitty boring job you have to have and then you come home and you're really into one thing, you're off the hook, you're not boring.

If you're really into fucking your girlfriend or your boyfriend, fine, like whatever, you're enjoying that. You were into it. If you're enjoying, like cooking, whatever, you're into that. You know, if you're, if you enjoy one fucking hobby, even if you're just like, I have seen every episode of TV, let's talk about whatever. That is enough to like, escape you at this category I'm talking about, but about 80% of people on this earth don't even do that.

They just kind of, like, even if you just fucking love your job and that's it, that's fine. But so many people, if you meet up parties, are just like, oh, what do you do? Well, I do this job. Cool. And that's all they have. They don't even like it.

They don't have anything. They kind of, you can tell they kind of hate whoever they're with. Like most people hate every other life, do nothing. And the nearest die, that's it. That's how you've spent your life is just not giving a fuck about anything. I know, most people are not particularly good at anything

or particularly interested in anything. And you don't have nothing to do with me. No one is, you don't have to be interested. Yeah, you have to start. Everyone sucks at everything once you start. And you have to just get those hours. It's crazy. I don't really understand. I feel so disconnected from most people, not for political or any of those reasons,

because most people just live a fucking sad, boring life, where they're like, I guess when I was a kid, I really wanted to write a book. God, I guess I just won't ever do that. I'm like, you're fucking alive. You could sit there and write anything. No, it's true. People just don't do shit with their lives.

I really don't understand it. Writing a book is not gonna fix your life. Writing a book is not gonna make you interesting. It's actually very fucking hard. And when you're done with it, that's when the fight to sell it starts. But people don't even get to the first page. They don't even get to discovering that.

They get to nothing. Writing a book is not going to fix your life. Traveling is not going to fix your life. These things will not make you interesting. No. But at least those people are trying. The people that really bother me are like, you see what a bunch of high school and college friends,

they're just like, even like my friends who have, they get paid a lot of money right out of college. Now they're doing really well. What do you mean? They got what? What kind of background are you from? even like my friends who have, they get paid a lot of money like right out of college, and now they're doing really well. I'm like, oh my gosh. What do you mean they got like, what, what kind of background are you from? Like I went to Emory's, it's a big business school in Atlanta.

And so like a bunch of people like, well, like I'm an executive at Coke now, or I just graduated law school, I'm a fancy lawyer, I went to Wall Street and I like sold all this kind of stuff. And like I'm, I was like, that's great. They don't give a fuck. They don't like the thing that they maybe care about, even if you fucking care about partying and drinking,

that's something. Cause now, like, you need a little extremism in your life. Anything, just do fucking, so many people are like, you get dinner with them, cause I am like 28. And now people don't even have kids, they're not married, and they're starting to shut down and become boring and go to bed at 9 p.m. every night. Without any of the shit, I'm like, you don't own a home.

You don't have kids. You're not married. What is your excuse for being like, well, I can't really have more than one beer. And like, you don't have, if you had to go home and like, finish your painting fine. If you had to go, if you like hated me and wanted to have other people fine,

you don't do shit. I feel like a lot of people also arrange their lives, like especially with women in LA, that's my experience on this, they will get a dog so that their entire life now really allows revolves around the dog. Yeah, no, I know, I think I know two couples like that. Really, the only reason they're together

is because of the dogs. It's because of the dog. Yeah, and they just have this series of dogs or dog adoption. And the dog gets sicker as they go. Like the worst relationship goes, the more and more, the dog is like the portrait of Dorian Gray, where every there, they're very chipper and like American Gothic on the front or a Norman Rockwell American Gothic looks pretty bad.

But the dog just turns into this like weezing diseased mess that needs shots every three hours that has to be home, that shooting diarrhea all over the friends house. into this like weezing diseased mess that needs shots every three hours that has to be home, that shooting diarrhea all over the friends house. And see before, I think we know the same couple. Yeah. I always thought that it was, oh, well these interesting people got a dog,

and then like the dog really required a lot of work and they felt guilty. No, I have so many friends right now that are like in like a buffering period where they have none of that shit, and you can tell they're six months away from a dog because then at least they'll have that well I can't eat a sandwich with you at 7 p.m. because the dog or because it gives them an excuse to stay comfortable with where they are. Yes look what and it's like you don't even like anything about your life. I hear you

bitch about this dude you're dating I hear you bitch about your job you don't like anything. But it's the enemy they know. Yeah yeah and that's how most people live there entire, like I'm like, I'm 20, and they've given up. That's it, like all these friends, it's just like that really, you're gonna try for like a few years after you got your parents house. And then what do you do? What do you do, this stuff?

What's your, you do comedy. Yeah, I fucking dropped out of being a boring ass because that was my life. I also saw that, I was gonna be a chemist, right? Oh, okay. I was gonna like, if I could have, I could have like finished my PhD this year, and then I could have gotten the a boring ass, because that was my life. I also saw that, I was gonna be a chemistry. And I was gonna, if I could have, I could have finished my PhD this year, and then I could have gotten the most boring ass job

doing something, so I was never that very good at chemistry. And then in some lab, you have to get there. Working on a bone or a pill, you have to leave it at eight. If, at least that's funny at a party, but it's more likely, it's like, oh, it's like, the heart disease that doesn't kill you, it's other heart disease. It's like boring fucking shit. Yeah, nobody relates to that Like you're kind of tired from working. You're like well if I I don't really like this

But I already put so much work into it Well, well, well, okay, and then you just find kind of someone you stick with them Because you want to be alone and it's like that's it like you don't like anything about your life. What's wrong with you? So there is this makes me think of this really, really obscure Bible apocryphalore. I think it is. Somebody's going to have to back me up on this online because a lot of the things that I know, I think that I just invented them. And in a prior, like in a prior age in the caveman days or the 70s, I would be a very knowledgeable

person. in the caveman days or the 70s, I would be a very knowledgeable person, but since most of my knowledge has a 50, 50 chance of being something I just invented, I don't have that anymore. Like now I'm just an idiot who can't say, that's right, a Pokemon's right. So here's my, this is my lote, my Bible lore, and it might be wrong, but it also might be right.

We're all familiar with the Seven Deadly Sins. Sure. There is an eighth unknown sin. Okay. That is, I think the story is, it's not included in the Seven because it's too difficult to explain. Like it's obtuse and the translation doesn't match upright. You mean it's actually in there,

but it just like, like, edited out. It got wax. Seven is such a better number too. Hey, that might be part of it too. It is the death of love. Yeah. Is how I understood it and it means that you have no enthusiasm for life.

Yeah. Like, I think it's similar to what you're talking about. Definitely, definitely. No enthusiasm for it. Cause like, on the other hand, I know which people that are doing stuff and they're horrible at it. Like, we know comedians. There is so many fucking bad comedians that will never be good. There's only bad comedians. Except for Joe Star, I think. He got, well, there's so few comedians that will let themselves be voted. That's what you want. Like, by non-commedians. Like, let's see. Here, we're working up.

That's who I want to talk about it. I don't want, I don't, I'm gonna give a shit what other comedians think. Oh, that person's so funny. I want to know, it's like, I don't want to know who a bunch of music producers or engineers think is good. Or other music matters. Because they're using shit. Yeah, you're not making any music for them. Yeah. I mean, unless you are and that's okay, but it's like if you want something to hit

with a general public, I wanna know what the fuck in 14 year old kid who doesn't know shit about anything thinks. Yeah, I really hate when people think that their opinion means more than like, because they're in that field or something. Or because of just, oh, I, because I know, like whenever I hear people,

cause I love reality TV, people are like, reality, I'm like, shut up. They say what, reality TV is like low brow and stupid. Yeah, that's horrible. I'm like, let's look at all the entertainment in the world. Like really, really, this is what you're gonna focus. So much of your fucking hate on is this like, it's fucking entertaining.

By the way, dumb shits, it's all basically scripted. Yeah. Take it from me. Who's been through the entire process and I'll get into it more on the next bonus episode, every fucking thing they say has been at some, has been either prepped immediately before or coaxed out of them because they're so boozed up

and desperate for approval, they will do what you want them to do subconsciously. It's very fun to watch people with personality disorders. I enjoy that. Yeah. That's what that is. It's true and it's cheaper if you don't have to write them. Very fun to wash people with personality disorders. I enjoy that. That's what that is. But you're gonna be cheaper if you don't have to write them. Sheeper is more authentic if you don't have to write them.

That's what makes you, hey, here's another thing I'm what you're talking about. Yeah. If you, a lot of times, I will see, or I will have friends who are dating women, and nobody can believe the matchup. They're like, how the fuck did this guy get any woman at all? Yeah.

That's what they'll always ask me because I'm like, I'm the expert of how to disturb a man. Yeah, I'm the nation's wingman. I probably helped. They say, if you were, how would you help this? How did you, how did you make this happen? How would you make this happen? I always say the same thing. If a guy shows passion for anything,

that's 51% of the battle. Like if you're able to talk, because it's not about lines, it's not always about lines. That's great to open them up, but if a woman sees that you can care about something, they are drawn to it inexplicably, because they got mental problems. That's why they are drawn to it inexplicably because they're, because they got mental problems. That's why they are drawn to it inexplicably. Tell me if that is true or false.

I agree with that because it also says that like, because sometimes like a weasley, like losery dude that likes you will only be able to show interest in you. And then that feels weird because it feels like, well, what's gonna happen if we get together, then it's like, I don't like pressure. It's not a god, you know? Like, I'm not, this is not sustainable. And on the other hand, if it's like,

like, douchebag bro guy, they only have interest in themselves. And it's like, well, that's, it has to be some third thing. You can triangulate saying, this is a real part of it. And it doesn't have to be cool. It could be anything.

It could be Pokemans, it could be vinyl, LPs, it could be carpet. If a guy, I think it's the same for guys too. Like if a guy came in here and wanted to be on the podcast and he just knew everything there was to know about carpet, I would be like, I'm fascinated. Oh, yeah, that's interesting. Oh, I know, I know.

Tell me more about this carpet. Yeah, I love it when people know something that I have no knowledge in at all. Yeah. And they know every little detail about it. Yeah, I think that's cool. That's how I spend all of in it all. And they know every little detail about it. Yeah, I think that's cool. That's how I spend all of my internet dates. Once I'm like, you know, because within the first 30 seconds,

I'm like, okay, yes or no. And if it's a no, I'm just like, well, let's find out what's happened to you the last so and so number of decades. You know, like, it's like, you've got to have something in there. Like, you have some weird parent or some weird job you had at some point. Like, I'll just sit here for a half hour and learn about it. It's like, pulling teeth in. I've never texted you had at some point, like all of a sit here for a half hour learn about it. It's like pulling teeth, Senna. That never text you.

So are you, are you still single? I'm not actually. You're not? I'm not. Oh shit. Sorry. Cause I had a great bit prepared for you. What's the bit?

I got some fans who wanted, cause you remember last time you were on, they said I would set you up with some fans. So in preparation of this, Dustin, Sinowad, Chief of the Dickheads on Facebook, he went through and got applications of guys in LA who wanted to date you. And I was gonna set you up on a date

with one of these guys. We'll see you next week, Dustin. Yeah. Unfortunately, it is real. It's been going on for like five months now. So it'd be really, she, because it was like three years, it could be like, all right, look, just a thing.

I'm in there for fun. This is like crucial, like I'd be fucked up if I did this. But I will contact you when it inevitably is called. The second, the second it fucks, okay. Well, in line of more eroticism, because this was a misfire. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Robin, nothing to be sorry about. What is this guy passionate about? Photography, I know. I know. That is the holy grail. I have a Canon 70 that I only use to talk to women about. Like I only have as a crush. There is nothing to photography.

You point it at the thing and you take pictures. Because I'm just gonna be good. Yeah, they're free. You just walk around taking pictures of everything. Like it's not, back when, like if you had to invest time into a shot, that's art, but this is just, da da da da da da, walk it. He only shoots on film.

Yeah, it's a serious. Are you serious? Mm-hmm. How he a business guy? How tight are shoots on film. Yeah, it's a serious. Are you serious? How he a business guy? How tight are his jeans? I mean, he has a huge mustache. Oh God. Oh my God. Bigger than mine.

It's bigger. It's like twice as big as that. That's too big of a mustache. Can you fit into girls pants? James. No, no, no. Oh my God, your pants. Can you fit into any woman's pants?

I thought you were making a cuddling this joke of the mustache in the pants, but I just was off-face. No, I am not that creative. She's Midwestern hipster, so his pants are normal. Oh, really? Yeah. So he's from the Midwest, is that mean he grew up on a farm? He could work with his hands.

He grew up in the exact same town as the guy from making a murderer. Manch walk, Wisconsin. Oh, Avery? Stephen Avery. Manch walk was constant. Oh wait, Avery? Stephen Avery. Stephen Avery. He was like in school with that little kid who went to jail.

Who killed the- Oh my God, no shit. We gotta get him on here. I got some Stephen Avery questions that because I think he's innocent. Stephen Avery and I'll say, when I watch that, did you watch the 10 episode, either of you not watch this? I watched it. No, I didn't see it. You didn't watch that, did you watch the 10 episode, either of you not watch this?

No, I didn't see it. You didn't watch it. You got to watch it. It will make you a rage like nothing else. Really? Yeah. Like, it's like the OJ series except for white people. Yeah, white and white.

And we'll make it. Yeah. I got through there and I was like, I can't wait to talk to somebody about this and how innocent this guy is. I call up my friend and he's like, yeah, can you believe that? That guy's guilty as hell. What the fuck? That guy's guilty as hell. What the fuck?

There's supposed to be another, another doc coming out or a series. Well, no, no, the opposite view. But like on here, apparently cops. Well, no, from an independent filmmaker that's like, apparently they left out key pieces of information on that. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Whatever. He's just let him, just let him walk. He's nice. He seems nice.

Okay, but not to cock tease anymore with the eroticism. I'd like to bring back an old favorite. Oh, the dick show presents erotic stories from real men. Oh, baby. Robin is dealer's choice today. This is great. You like that? I'm gonna give a lot of critiques on these.

I'm excited. I've got a guy who's into dungeons and dragons. I've got a guy who's in a wheelchair. And I've got a guy who's really gross. Are they the same guy? No, there are three different erotic stories. Robin, you're not gonna choose a bachelor today, but you will get to choose an erotic story.

What do you think? I can't resist the dungeon and dragons on. Kidoki, this is from Robin. Okay. A man. A male Robin. Robin with the little sign like the Pokemans. Mm-hmm. Playing too much Pokemans.

I finally figured out how you play Pokemon, by the way. Pokemon Go. The object of the game is to log on. What? The object of the Pokemon's game is to log on to the Pokemon's game. It's like a AOL back in the modem days, where you would spend like three hours

just trying to get a clean modem signal. Oh, you mean because the servers are so crowded. Who knows? Who knows why everything is fucked, Sean? Who knows? Maybe your cell phone is fucked, Sean? Who knows? Maybe your cell phone is fucked, maybe your router is fucked, maybe the atmosphere is fucked, maybe your phone is fucked, maybe your account is fucked, something is fucked, but that's the game. Figure out what is fucked and hope nothing is fucked at the same time. Hopefully the planets of non-fucked can align

and you can look and you can swipe at monsters in your area. A game I used to call Tinder. That's how you play Pokemon's go. Oh God, that's fucking great. That's a great line from here's from Robin. It began as it so often does on a Friday night in a student dive bar, where I met a good friend. We talked of war, patriotism, powerlifting, and dungeons and dragons. The purveyor of heroic men, she sat at the bar, young, bisexual, petite, blonde hair,

nose piercing, odd smock dress, perky breasts, and those gorgeous green eyes that dilate just so when she rides my butt, I forget myself. No, he's talking about the woman. So he's talking to the friend as the woman. There's two people in the bar. This is a new woman. There's two people in the bar. They're both guys. This is one of them's the Robin. And there's a woman who's at the bar. Yes. Yes, it's two guys feeding the woman.

My brother, who is dear to me and all things, took the initiative and I endeavored as a guest. And I was like, oh, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Yes, it's two guys feeling the woman. My brother, who is dear to me in all things, took the initiative and I endeavored as a good companion in the goose to his maverick to assist him in his erotic escapade with my well-honed pension for great conversation and overall great personality. We discovered that the girl was a lapsed Christian

and one of them non-invasive feminist types that just want to do whatever, I don't know what that means. At this point, our story took an unexpected turn when I outperformed my dearest friend on the field of love and war, thereby consigning him to drunken oblivion on the periphery. Is this guy at the Saurus? I had given him ample time to recover, but sometimes the Iranians win. What does that mean? It's the Carter reference.

I don't know. We were hitting it off pretty well. And I discovered that she knit like sweaters and stuff. Good question, right? Sweaters and stuff. Sweaters and stuff. That's his follow-up. It sounds like two different people wrote this, like depending on the sentence.

Why? Because he acts like a thessaurus in a couple of sentences and then he says, and stuff. Oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. You're right. Yeah.

What he says out loud is not the character that he's in, that he has in his mind. He's like the Don Quijote of talking to girls at bars and talking about, that's great. That's why it's from Real Men. Like sweaters and stuff. I inquired with that hint of ironic disdain that makes it just so damn classy.

No, she said, more like hats, but I only make hats for people that give me multiple orgasms. Whoa. Whoa. Well, if that's what it takes to get a good hat these days, I replied suggestively, yet with a seemingly innocuous and playful air. I think you're in already if she's talking about more.

Yeah, come on, you have fun. But this is why this is this bit needs to be done because we don't we don't know that as guys, we don't know when the landing lights are on and we're getting waved in. Like we need more, because we wouldn't fuck us. So we can't imagine that immediately you wanna fuck, like, I don't believe, this is some kind of setup. I wouldn't have thought that's so true, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. It is. You got thousands of people telling you how handsome you are, but what would it take to tell you that it's time to bang? Usually I have to be beaten over the head with it. Yeah. Anyway, like a patient hunter, I later picked up the word polyamory

as she converse with one of her friends, fucking feminist. Okay, now that's, that was unnecessary. During one of our smoke breaks, it is at this point that I did a mental addition of the traits I had observed thus far far and concluded that her proclivities fell on the promiscuous side of the sexual behavior spectrum. Oh, much like one may conclude that a man fighting fire while swearing a fireman's outfit and driving a fireman's truck might be a fireman.

You know, it's really cute is that like everybody is trying so hard. It's like the first jokes they're writing. Like they're trying so hard. It's like the first jokes they're writing. Like they're trying so hard. Like I think I have a joke and like he did. That's a great joke. Yeah, that's a great joke. You did it. Yeah.

Perhaps a gigantic tramp stamp with the tagline, hello, I am easy. And also really a freaking bed would have clued me in sooner. I mean, that sounds like that was a opener. I was time to add a crowning idol to my ziggurat, a vigorotic adventure. I was moment to add a crowning idol to my Zigarad, a vigoradic adventure. I was momentarily stumped, but remember, of course, the ancient wisdom of Dick Masterson, whose sagacious proclamations I had heard recently while it's re-listening to another podcast. May its legacy never be forgotten.

So what was your dad like, I asked, knowing there would be trouble indeed, and thus began a tale of, whoa, her father, a stringent Christian, had been disappointed at her loss of faith. And since then, the relationship between her and her folks had been pretty terrible. Oh, I made my most understanding face. That must be hard sometimes. I said,

is that a sensitive response? It's just exactly what Sean was saying. Like, he used the word, wow, one sentence ago. Yeah, that sounds hard and stuff. That must be hard sometimes. I said already smelling the pungent estrogen musk that heralds in the successful hunt, Jesus Christ.

I know, tearing me off of every bit. There are no tears, but a sense of vulnerability mixed with openness. The laughter is stripped away to unveil a blank canvas on which to paint all future interaction. It is in that limbo that the true connection must be forged. O gentle reader. And shit. And shit. I moved outside.

Is this the D&D guy? Yeah, it's the D&D guy. I moved outside for a break. And the girl joined me. And as I asked for her number, I got a clear sign to move in for the kiss I faced the last minute and inebriated block from my Maverick who recounted a grandpa Simpson S. tale vaguely related to the prior conversation. What is Maverick doing?

Maverick was from Top Gun. No, no, what is he doing? I think he's at the bargaining shift phase. Gotcha. Okay, so this guy's, yeah. This guy's about Maverick was from Top Gun. No, no, what is he doing? I think he's at the bargaining shift phase. Gotcha, okay, so this guy's, yeah. He's the out Maverick. He's the dictionary to this guy's the Soros. So he's in there just reading people like what is a libertarian stuff like that?

Yeah. Uh, a careful Perry, so as to not offend, I moved in lifting her up in my strong arms and locking lips with the girl like the docking scene from interstellar. Oh, her apart. Oh, my God. Her apartment was within commuting distance.

When we came to her apartment, messy, some empty wine bottles. That's the atmosphere he's walking into. She quickly removed her dress. You know, women will really get slavvingly if they do not have a house guest in a while. I've noticed just as bad as us, in fact, maybe even worse because it's grosser. Absolutely true.

Absolutely. The most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting,

the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, the most disgusting, Really? Yeah. I mean, we're talking sticky syrup-covered knives stuck to the counter for a month. Yeah. Or like in their bed, like they'll eat, like a bunch of toast in bed and then just leave the dish in. And you're like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't ever eat toast in bed. Like I got a bunch of pizza boxes and liquor bottles. And my sink is full of dishes, but I don't have toast in bed. I'm so impressed and surprised

that both of you guys didn't mention period blood. I was like, oh great, here we go, go talk period blood. Robin, that's the last on the list. Like, I've overall heard worse roommate stories about guys, but like the top like three are all women that never learn. Like they didn't have anyone teaching them

which is a period blood and they did crazy stuff. Like save tampons. Saved tampons? Saved tampons. Like in a big jar, and jars, and then put them in like the bathroom cupboard. Why? They said it was like a biohazard.

My friend never asked you just to, and then like after, like do you know how bad period blood smells after days? It sounds like death. It's blood. It's so bad. Why would they like, would they think it's a biohazard that you can't throw in the garbage

like a car battery or something like that? The friend that was the roommate of this girl just at that point, you don't, you know, something is so bad, you don't have to ask because you're like, this is a crazy person. And that's, if you find 80, like use tampons and then you find another thing of them. Yes, she had to, they were never left, they never left.

Yeah, that's the worst. Well, I'm going to follow up from that. All right, anyway, anyway. So this girl's got empty wine bottles. That's not as bad, can be worse. You know, 80 tampons in a right aid bag and I'll do this thing. She quickly removed her dress

and I saw the piercing in her left nipple. Oh, I made an effort to have some wine first and put up some casual conversation in order to not reveal my raging desire. By now, barely turned out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He will lose his mana if he gives in to the desire. That's like, that's a classic wizarding trick. I know that I do this all the time too. Sometimes I'll be like fully clothed and I'll let a woman hump herself to a state of hysteria on me, but I'll just sit there and have my arms crossed and be reading a newspaper, for example,

because it builds my cheese. It turns me into a more powerful man. Got it. That's how you do like a Hadooken, like years of that, like just sitting there with your arms, anyway, as we lay down on her bed kissing, I moved my hand between her legs for some second base action. Captain Batman Cobras style, a moment of dread went through me

when she referred to me as honey and gave a pointer on my technique. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Dexterous ability with the female organ of procreation, but a hollow facade. Not so. We've all been in that spot, right? A couple of ways from organs from the one that procreates, but a couple organs. What is he? A gynecologist in here? The laughter of the right. With the mirror. It's like the flux capacitor he's dealing with. With the mirror's twist, she moaned like a choir of sex ghosts. Oh, quickly achieving orgasm in a great big squirt, a vaginal fluid.

A squirter, things were going to get sticky. I want you to imagine being locked in a cell for four months, eating only bread and water, and getting out and going to a three-star restaurant, and eat a five-course meal. The bed was a soaking ruin after three more times. She was an insatiable lust monster, a modern-day succubus. I roared like Harambee as I mounted her on the bed, and later against the front door as she gripped her ankles, screaming for me to fuck her, before squirting on the floor. All right, time for a little break. We attempted a shower, managing 15 seconds before it descended back into a BJ,

and then more sex. Oh my God, she was like a clay in a master sculptor's careful hands in between sex and when he was to work on his technique, apparently. In between sex and there was so much sex. She told me of her polyamorous escapades with girls, boys, and a married couple disgusting, I'd say. And then we'd bang somewhere in the wee hours of the morning. And then we bang some more. Excuse me. In the wee hours of the morning, after we had basked in what you'd call the shard remnants, you get when you burn too much after glow, we lay together in her tiny bed, sheets mercifully

replaced, spooning and exhausted. I am still horny, with the last words I heard before I sank into merciful oblivion. neurotic stories from real men. Brought to you by the Dick Show. All right, Dustin. So we have to abort the search for Robin Soulmate, but we do have some, let's go through your, you got some great questions from the Dickheads on Facebook. Like always. All right. All right.

This week we threw a little curveball on it because Reddit still has not picked a, they still have not chosen a voice for their champion. Their forum. Right. Yeah, their champion. So what I decided to do is I was scoured through a couple of their questions and I figured I'd bring them in for you.

So first off, you're getting inclusive. That's nice of you. Extended out. See Dustin is from the Facebook group Robin. And there's been a lot of drama between the factions. That's nice of you. Extended not see Dustin is from the Facebook group Robin. And there's been a lot of drama between the factions. Like the one side is, I don't want to get into it because I want to get to some real content here.

But maybe we'll get into it next week. But he's extending an olive branch. I see. Let's go Dustin. What are your questions? This question comes from Yeah Rep on Reddit. He says, I'd like to hear what Dick had to say on warning signs for women. We've all heard, don't stick your dick in crazy, but nobody ever tells you how to identify

crazy beforehand. So Dick, what do you got to say? Oh, they're all crazy. No, no, no, no. Here's the beautiful part about crazy. You, it's like fight club. You determine your own level of crazy because here's a, here's a reality bomb for you. You are insane to someone like you, you just have to figure out

what level of crazy you can sustain. Yeah. And then shoot for that because if somebody, if, if you, if you're together with a woman, with a man or a woman who doesn't seem crazy to you, you are the crazy one. That is what, and then you are getting, you gotta watch out because you're getting dumped. I was gonna say you're the crazy one or you are both in the same wavelength of crazy. I think that's what you have to find.

You have to find like you're like the exact same wavelength of your both fucked up in the same way, where you can, because only people I can forgive, what do you mean? The only people that I can get along with is when they fuck up, I can be like,

yeah, I would have fucked up like that too. I can forgive you for that reason. But if it's in some other weird way, I'm like, I don't relate to this at all. Fuck you, how dare you. What are you gonna say, Sean? You're both neurotic and you have the same neuroses. Yeah, what I can take is somebody who is an elitist.

Like if a woman says, that's disgusting and looks at something like the woman, the alternative future and scrooge of the woman that he's trying to get when she like turns into a huge bitch and turns the poor people away from the restaurant. Get these, get these miscreants out of here that's disgusting. That makes, that gets me going. That's what, you're all, that's a girl version of screaming at people. Yeah, and I think that people would case into that crazy, but I'm into that. Like, I was like oral fixation. I'm all about that.

I probably got whatever the guy version of that is, but I'm into it. So I mean, it's how crazy you want to be. Because if you're not giving them what they want, they're going to amp up the crazy. Yeah, also you have to know how crazy you are because if you're not giving them what they want, they're going to amp up the crazy. Yeah, also you have to know how crazy you are because if you get someone that's less crazy than you, yeah, like you said, they're going to be shit. Yeah, they're going to get bored and they're going to never understand you.

And you're like, I'm just a regular person, like you suck. Yeah, there's essentially the fight club ending, right? If I had a tumor, I would name you Marla. Yeah. What else you got? All right, next question. This comes from Daniel Asque on Facebook. He wants to know if you were stuck on a deserted island

and all you had was a machine that makes clones of yourself infinitely, what would you do? Isn't that what I'm doing with this podcast? I'm stuck on this planet by myself. I'm trying to clone myself by saying all the stupid things I think and hoping it catches on so that everyone will be a perfect clone of me. To start a podcast on Ireland.

Yeah, I would start cloning me and then competing with myself to get listeners for my own podcast. Is this like a would I have sex with myself? Of course, I don't think even if I had a cloning machine on a desert island, first that's a great way food problem is solved, right? I could just eat me.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably would taste. You'd learn how to make it taste good. I'd learn how to make me taste good. Like, by number four, you'd be like, I know what to do with this thigh. Yeah, I would go, hey, check it out. We're getting rescued.

There's a boat whack on the side of the head and start frying me up. Maybe I'd try a little rocket or some shard if I found it on the desert island, the food problem with myself, I think the question though is what I have sex with myself, I don't think that would work. What do you mean? Because I don't think I could get into the mind games

of having, I don't think I would give me what I want sexually when I'm trying to have sex with myself. Do you know what I mean? But both of you would try to out-aggro each other and someone would lose. You might lose or the other clone might lose. And this is getting too homoerotic. Are you trying to say that you are so picky, that even yourself cannot possibly please yourself?

It's not about being picky. It's about that that turn to- Compatibility. Being submissive. Like that turn to like, my mind games are working on you. I need you to just like give in and open yourself completely while I myself stay entirely closed off. I win. I won the open-

But you don't think you could beat down any versions of yourself? No, we just get to tired. What about after- You're like, I made you. I'm the original one. You're a clone. You owe me this.

But then that's what the clone would say. That's what I would tell myself as the clone. Like actually, that's what you would think as a clone, but in reality, I'm the real one. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. See, with the mind games already? This is, this is for play. It will never, it would just be for play forever.

And competing podcasts. What else, what else you got? All right, last thing we have is a, is a dick tip request from strongest boner on Reddit. Okay. He wants to know, what are your dick tips for dick picks? I want to send my girlfriend more pictures of my dick because I, because I think, I think it would be good for her.

But I'm not sure how to get the best results. How can I take and send better dick picks? Pick this dick pick, dick tip. I wish I didn't have experience and this is my set up about the game. That this is, it's very important. Well, you're, what you're talking about. First of all, you gotta hit the man-scaping.

Mm-hmm. And you gotta trim the shrubs because it makes the house look bigger. It's all about, what is it called in real estate? When you set the house curb appeal? No, no, it's all about when you get like the fake furniture, when you rent furniture to deck out your house. Oh, you furnished?

It's like a staging. Staging, yeah. Staging, yeah. It's all about the staging. Well, staging is usually where you put it before you move it in. Well, yeah, that's what it's all about with the dick pick. Are you referring to a scorched earth policy or just like some trimming?

Just some trimming because you don't want it to make it look like a weird porn star. Yeah, I agree. You can get plenty of weird porn star penis online. Here's my tips for a different dip. Stand up. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do it. That was an option to be sitting down. Robin. It's like from your office chair. We're talking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get the pants. Get the pants completely off if you're going to do it or else you're going to have like an inch or two sticking out and nobody's using their imagination when it comes to dick pics.

I thought these were obvious. I'm glad, if these are things that need to be told, I'm glad you're telling them. Go over, yeah, you gotta go over the obvious. Obvious number three, don't send it during work. Wait until at night when she's going to bed feeling horny and texting you, that's when you hit her with the big shlong in the face.

And for God's sakes, make sure she asks first. No, no, you don't want to surprise her with the dick pick. Interesting. I've only asked for one dick pick and I didn't get it. Instead, he dumped me like a week later. Because you asked for a dick pick? I don't think so. I think it was on its way out.

I think I knew that and I wanted proof. You want to prove that what? That of how big it was. And I was like, I got it. Maybe I can, like, maybe it's not things I've gotten so far south, I can like get this as evidence for like later drunk stories to my girlfriends. And you wanted a picture of this guy's dog, so you wouldn't say that.

Yeah, because he knows. Wait, wait, this was like after a date or two? This was like a while ago. Yeah, this is not in recent history. No, you hadn't seen his dick. No, she had, she wanted to brag about it to her friends. Yeah, I could tell the hookup was gonna burn out. Oh, this is every guy's nightmare.

They were just grabbing it. No, it was great. It was a positive rag. So what did you want? Well, yeah, that's right. Okay. What did you want with the pick? Well, yeah, all the things you said, standing up, reasonable trim, you want to just,

you know, good lighting, stand next to a window. Good natural lighting. Natural lighting. Stand next to a window. Good natural lighting. Natural lighting. Yeah. If you have the, like, bottom, if you have any type of, like, bottom muscles, include them, but, like, make sure you get those in there, but I wouldn't say that's, like, you need to have them.

Bottom muscles. Like, the little, like, V or any kind of bottom app, then make it bigger so you get that too. But if you don't have those, then do more zoomed in and do the legs. everybody's top of their legs look pretty good. What about a side shot? Do you wanna see a profile?

I would want hand on kind of like three quarters. A three quarters shot. Yeah. It's good, you have small hands. Fuck you. This is quite, yeah, that is good. It'll make a dick like enormous, like a baby's grabbing it. What about props?

You don't get any props would be good? I want a hand, it's the only prop. The hand is actually a funny follow up from a guy named Crazy Fox. He commented on this dick tip request. He said, buy miniature items from a dollhouse supply store to pose next to your dick for maximum effect. Cause now we're getting into joke territory.

And I don't wanna be confused with the joke when I'm looking at a dick pack. Yeah. If there's a little tiny, doily and a little chair with one of those Italian plastic coverings over it, next to it, that looks like it could sit on it. No, that's not good.

Well, now we're just getting to a calendar or something. That's a different genre. Okay, that's a gag, foresight and dick pic of the day type of calendar. Which would be entertaining. I would look at that website. That was a website. I'd visit it. If it is, let dick know. For the way you can. It's got to look as casual as possible. Yeah. This dick shot. It's got to look as like, I just got into the shower. I'm just getting

out of the shower and I thought of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is the first picture I took. There wasn't like a first yeah, yeah. And this is the first picture I took. There wasn't like a first through 20th. This is just the first one that happened. Yeah. It's got a little like that. It should be the 21st for sure. Yeah, take a couple.

Yeah, take a couple and look at it. Look at it yourself a little bit later. Look at pictures of your own penis to judge how it looks using different techniques, like different lighting. Maybe grease it up a little bit too. Like wrestlers use oils to look massive and bulky and veined. Try some of that, not too much though, because you don't want to look like you buttered up your own dog just to send a picture.

And never send it within the first 10 minutes of taking it, because your emotions about it might change from bad to good to bad. You got to check in like a half hour later. Check, yeah, check, wait 10 minutes, check in with your penis. So you'll have some level of objectivity. Yeah, like that. First impression. Yeah, so if she requests it, you got it, and that's good, if someone requests a dick pic,

it's good to take at least 10 minutes. Oh yeah. You don't want to be just sending it, if you send it to, even if you already have it ready to go, don't then send it within one minute because then it seemed like you had it ready to go. Yeah, I love that you could be doing it in the car. Good tips.

All right, Dustin, you got anything else? No, that's it. Oh, those are good ones. Thank you. Thank you, Dustin. You can find Dustin on Facebook, facebook.com slash groups slash the Dix show. That's correct.

Fielding questions for advice, general questions, general bullshit and vets. You guys are doing a great job on there. Next week, we want to talk about, next week, I really want to get into the drama of what's going on, the bandings that are happening on Facebook. I'm getting hit up privately about them. The band of get in, yeah, no, we'll talk about that. That's fine. All right, cool.

And it thanks a lot, Dustin. Thank you. And Robin, of course, thank you. Yeah, no, we'll talk about that. That's okay. All right. Cool. And it thanks a lot, Dustin. Thank you. And Robin, of course, thank you. It's been having me. We've kept you here a long time with all of our technical failings. That's okay. I appreciate the way. No problem. Thanks for having me so much. Do you have anything to pitch? Do you have anything you want to plug? I guess just like in general, a bunch of kind of bullshit bullshit like YouTube videos already got some negative comments from you guys Well, we're gonna broadcast on them. Why you're really

You are really selling this Yeah, and then and actually I'll give you this link This is so weird and off topic, but I'm starting a chemistry YouTube channel. That's just chemistry knowledge This is not bits, but I'll give you the link for it. And you guys feel like that. Yeah, okay. What do you mean like chemistry now? Like how to make math and stuff?

No, like if you, it's like educational. If you're like learning chemistry. Oh. So yeah. And I just started it. It's don't put mean things on it, please. That's for my students. But you have like animated stuff and everything.

I do, yeah. I know you're not pitching yourself very well. I'm sorry. I have some videos. It's been a long podcast. I don't know, whatever. I'll link it to the site. Okay.

What are people going to do? They're going to be driving around in the car and hear it on their podcast. You're going to be at the gym. Right. They're going to get out there following me. That's not realistic at all. Put it on the site. People will click to open it.

That's what I figured. Okay, great. Well, yeah, it was great to be here. All right. Bye. Oh, I got coming up after the break, I have the winner of the first rage lottery, Christopher Hallen. Oh, he couldn't be on the live show.

Thank God because we had enough problems already, but he called in, he called in earlier, earlier in the week. I talked to him about what makes him a rage. He is a Swedish farmer. Oh, cool. This is what makes you a rage around the world. Thanks for listening. This is the Dickshow. Go to patreon.com slash the Dickshow Dickshow.com. See you next Tuesday. Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it!

Take it! Take it! Take it! Take it! Open it! Take it! Take it! Take it!

Take it! Take it! Ready! Ready. Christopher. Yeah. What's up, my man? How's it going? It's going good. Hey, congratulations on winning the big rage lottery. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, is it the biggest prize you've ever won? Yeah, I think it is. I was pretty surprised when I heard it's live. Oh, yeah, that's awesome. Thanks for your support. Of course, you're one of the big swing and dicks on the Patreon.

Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome. Thanks for your support. Of course, you're one of the big swing and dicks on the Patreon. At patreon.com slash the Dix show. Thank you very much for that. I'm happy to. Now you are from fill in the blank.

Sweden. Sweden. Whoa. All right. English isn't my first language. I mean, that's okay. From the sound of it, I don't think anyone would believe that English is my first language either, to be honest with you.

Yeah. You speak it well, though. Yeah, thanks. It's been quite a while since I spoke in it. Oh, is it really? Yeah. How do you usually get the opportunity? Are you one of these guys that like, so every time I, every time I travel, I always feel

like such a dipshit for coming into a country and not knowing, not knowing any part of the language, but also not even making an attempt to know any of the local, like even, please, and thank you. But I find that everybody where I go always just wants to practice their English. Yeah, but you had the exact same experience if you came here. Everyone wants to speak English. Yeah, it's the greatest thing. Like I'll go to a bar and I feel like I feel special like I'm providing a service to these guys as I'm drinking and they're, they're, they're trying out their English on me.

I think a lot of people see you as a service to them too. I feel like a chick. I feel like a bell of the ball at these bars. Yeah, I can imagine. Hey, speaking of chicks, how does the Swedish accent play with women? I know the English accent gets a lot of play. I know the Australian accent gets a lot of play. I know the French accent gets a lot of play.

Where does the, and then on the other side of the spectrum, you've got like a Middle Eastern accent that gets no play. That does not get you my, a Mexican accent, I accent, I think, is on the, is on the some play side. There's the play side and then there's the no play side. Where does the Swedish accent fall? I don't know. I can't imagine it doing a lot for you. If you have a Swedish accent, all the suites, I know this big, but a Swedish accent when they talk English, I just think it sounds really, really bad. Oh, when they talk English, well, you sound pretty good.

Yeah, I think I had a lot more practice than a lot of Swedes. But when just regular Swedes, like people I work with try to speak English, it just, it sounds really bad. Yeah, I'm kind of a lot for women. Yeah, well, what are Swedish women like? I mean, that's what, I mean, that's what, that's all I wanna know about every country when I get there is, seriously, what are the women like?

Like, I have one interaction with a Swedish girl. I was at Burning Man and I was running a soup kitchen. And the people had to, everybody, it sounds counterintuitive because it's sound, it's burning man's in the middle of the desert and everyone thinks it's hot as shit, but it's actually freezing at night. We were running a soup kitchen

and there's a giant line of people lined up to get like ramen top ramen soup in the middle of the night, but it's there. It's like mana for them. It's the it's it's it's they would they would do anything to get it, but you can't buy anything at Burning Man. So we make we make them do stuff. I was talking to this Swedish girl who was waiting in line for that. And I said, okay, well, you know, teach me, teach me some Swedish. What? Tell me, give me, give me some Swedish. You don't speak, you don't speak English so good. I don't speak English so good. So give me some Swedish so we can talk. And her, her friend goes, well, what do you,

what do you want to know how to say? And I said, I looked her right in the eye and I said, I want to know how to say, I really want to kiss you right now. And she was like, I could see the slot machine rolling. I could see your eyes. She came three times that day like the Grinch. She was like the Swedish Grinch. But that's been my only experience with Swedish women.

What are they like? I think the perception of Americans is that European women are not as prude as the women are here. They're more sexually liberated. Is that true? Yeah, maybe, but I think the biggest difference might be that people that hair are pretty what do you call it? Like liberated, they're really independent, I think you call it. All over the country, they're independent. Yeah, I think so. Independent how? Like they take care of themselves. They see themselves that they don't need a man

to them. The women don't? No, yeah. Do they say that or do they really not meet a man? Because when I hear I don't need a man, I'm thinking, oh God, this chick, not only does this chick need a man, but she needs, this is the kind of chick

that needs your email password. That's what I think when I hear I don't need a man. Yeah, that might be right. Well, Sweden is pretty left leaning. I think that might be right. Well, Sweden is Sweden is pretty left leaning. So I think that's that's why they see themselves as being able to do pretty much everything in mind can you? Yeah, you guys are you've got like your is it true that your your companies have to have 50 50 men and women 50 percent men and 50 percent women on them? I don't think there's a law, but there is certain rules

to have a certain percentage of women on boards and things. I think. I also heard that no matter what gender you are, you have to buy law, you have to spend 50% of your days wearing men's underwear, and 50% of your days wearing women's underwear. Is that true? Oh, yeah. Is that true? Oh, yeah. That is true.

Oh, yeah. I'm wearing ladies at the moment. Right now. I read that on the drug report. Okay. So I drew a name out of the hat, out of the, out of the thousand people who support me on Patreon. And you were the big winner on the Dick is right show.

Come on down. You are going to give us what makes you a rage and you are going to compete with the likes of Denzel with the likes of Joe star who's got an amazing response. And I knew he would. I've been trying to get him on the show since day one with the likes of Mr. Velvet, a voice that's so buttery Listening to it will make you fall right out of your chair. Yeah. Are you prepared to compete among these All-stars of rage. I guess I can't say say anything else. Yes. Yes. That is the correct answer Yeah, okay first of all do you all, do you have a nickname?

You got to have a nickname. Chris. Chris, okay, we'll call it. Chris, the Swedish, Chris, the Swedish, the Swedish chef. No, that's not funny, is it? Do you guys like Swedish, Swedish like characters, like the Swedish chef? I don't think it's that famous here.

We don't really get into the Sesame Street. The Swedish chef is in famous there, man. If America, if somebody had like an American chef in another country, I feel like we just knocked this statue of Liberty and Adam, put up like a crazy wild gun shooting your Samy-Sam type chef. All right, this is a Swedish massage. That could be

your nickname. Chris, Chris the Swedish massage with the magic hands. The door, the door closes. And he tickles parts of your body. He makes you sore, but you want more, but you're aching for more. That's you. That's the Swedish ship.. Okay. Let's get down to business. My man, what makes you a rage? I don't really know how to phrase it. I think the best way is people being too picky about what they do, what they choose to work with. What they choose to do for a job? Yeah, what they choose to do for work. Yeah. Oh boy, you have experience with this? I imagine. You see a lot of this? Yeah, I see

quite a lot of it. I mean myself, I'm a carpenter and I do construction work and I saw a lot of it when I went to school to learn how to be a carpenter. There was a lot of, they were mainly millennials who they hadn't done anything, but they, they, without even trying knew that they didn't want to do it, like be a carpenter after only like a couple of weeks. So they would go be a carbon, they'd try, they'd try getting off their ass and doing some manual labor for a couple of weeks and they knew, they knew after that long that this just wasn't for them.

Yeah, and that, you should just, you should try something even if maybe you, maybe you won't do it for the rest of your life, you can try to do it for like a year or 18 months and then decide. Because then you'll, you know, you certainly don't like it. Well, how do these people eat? That's what I want to know. Like everybody's soap, everybody who is so precious about what they want to do for a job. How the hell do they eat every day? You're at, at some point, doesn't the hunger make you want to pick up a hammer and put together

some, I imagine that all of Sweden is built with IKEA furniture, so don't they want to pick up like an Allen wrench and get to work screwing these houses together? That's what I thought before I went, but I think a lot of people they have parents, and also over here you have the society, you have a lot of to get money for just sitting at home, not really doing anything. So people, there's not really a good incentive to go out and just try things and learn what you want to do. I tell you what man, you're describing the society that we're building right now. Where nobody doing a job like a carpenter is for a lot of, for a lot of young people, it is not even viewed any kind of show you into a trade school, you into a trade school,

you work with your hand, you're like a, you're like a salt of the earth backbone of America, kind of man in Sweden, but, but, but, but the kind of man who builds a country, that's you. Exactly. You, you are the most necessary part of the country. That's you. Exactly. You are the most necessary part of the country. Children should be aspiring to be able to go out and create wealth with their bare hands, which is what you do. You take, you can literally go to the store and turn worthless things, a worthless truck full of lumber into something that will house someone or a business for the rest of their life.

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought when I went into it. And I don't know why people were there if that's not what they were thinking, too. When you say that, what do you mean school? You got a school for carpentry? Yeah, at school. When you say that, what do you mean school? You got a school for carpentry? Yeah, at school. A lot of people came and I think they just wanted appreciation for just hammering nails into boards, not really thinking. And because that, I guess if you've been sitting at home

for like eight years and then you go out and try to do something If if someone says that you you're not really that good you just That's that's enough to make you go back Well, you know carpentry is there's not a lot of Subjectivity in carpentry. It's either the wall. It's either a right angle or it's not Yeah, like the the box that you built either cannot be sat on or It's either a right angle or it's not. Like the box that you built either cannot be sat on or it can be sat on. My brother-in-law, who's like an Irish version of Fred Flintstone, like he's the size of Fred

Flintstone where you look at his fingers and go, oh my God, each of your fingers is bigger than a dick. He has his own carpentry test where he will go up to anything that's wooden, anything that's built out of wood and he will just grab a corner and shake the shit out of it. And if it starts creaking and getting rickety, like a cartoon gelopy going down the street, it's out. There's not, he's not going to buy it.

But if it's solid, if it feels like one solid piece of wood, he'll buy it. It sounds, from what you're describing, kids wanting, it's like they want a medal for hammering a nail into a board. Like they want a, they want a medal or a gem or some kind of twinkling sound like an app would make for every single stage of the learning process, whether it's learning how to be a carpenter, learning how to play an instrument, learning how to write online. People are, people, people, people will say they want to be a writer, they'll get online,

they'll write one blog post and they'll say like, well, what do you think? Like, gee, I don't know. Come back when you've been doing it for five years. Yeah, exactly. I don't know, come back when you've been doing it for five years. Exactly. When you started, it's very obvious that you are not very good at it. And there's a very steep learning curve, but that's when you're good at it, you can, like you said, you can build anything. You can build your own house. You can go to a lumber yard and just you know what you need and what you can do

with it. Just straight, straight pieces of wood. You can build pretty much anything. What's the reaction when you tell, let me ask you, what's the reaction people give you when you tell them that you're a carpenter? I don't really know if there's a, there's a reaction. I think a lot of people, they said if it's carpentry is quite dumb that you don't really do a lot of different things Yeah, you're just screwing nails into like yips and boards. Yeah, and you do that day in day out sure When you I also live in the countryside so Here we do pretty much everything so you have to know Well everything there is to a house from the bottom up.

To maintain your house, he's in. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. To build a new house, what you need to do. Well, how do people just think it's really, really simple that you only do like one thing and that you don't really know a lot? No, as it turns out, it's difficult to build a house. I think people see something, they see something or they confuse familiarity with something with an understanding of it.

Like people say, well, you know, I live in a house. I've lived in a house my whole life, so I could probably build it if I had to. And you say, really, how big is a two by four? And they say, oh, it's two inches by four inches. And you say, ah, wrong. Like that start, start all the way at the beginning. And tell me how to build a house.

You have no fucking idea what it takes to build a house. It's extremely sophisticated, because it's got a last for hundreds of years. And if it doesn't work, it kills people. If your stupid app doesn't work, if your Pokemon Go app doesn't work, I just don't get to swipe at monsters in my local area. I can go on Tinder and do that.

You know what I'm saying? But if your house doesn't work, people are gonna die. Yeah, that's exactly one of the problems. Because a lot of people, they, where they build their own houses without having ever learn anything about how to build a house. Wait, are you serious? They build their own houses and they don't know how to do it over there.

Oh yeah. Well, I was just in my neighbor's house the other day and I thought I was going to fall through the floor because it was like a trampoline. Yeah. I could then on the floor and just like bounce up and down a couple of centimeters Because it was so rickety. It sounds like Mexico That's how I felt in Mexico Yeah, also the like the kitchen cabinets some of them are like halfway into a window

Yeah, this is more Mexican Construction it sounds like you guys have sounds like you guys are doing a little cultural exchange with our neighbors to the south. Yeah, but he's never going to get that household because anyone who wants to live here, they have to tear that, everything that he did down and then just start over from scratch. It's such a bad, oh, it's a good example of what people think of carpentry that is really easy. But it is. I don't really feel safe. I kind of just stood at the, like, in the entrance, not, I really didn't want to go in. I didn't feel safe.

Yeah, he must think that you that he's made like a house that's turned everyone into a vampire. They don't want, I don't want to go in the house, I don't want permission to go in the house. He's tear this fucking thing down. Is he married? Oh yeah. God, I can't imagine.

I cannot imagine some of the shit that women put up with from their men. Like, I know, like women are crazy in a way that's annoying all the time, but men are crazy in a way that's annoying in one huge spike that could kill you. And you have to live with that forever. Like there is no point in the dating process

where you find out whether or not a guy who is not capable of building a house wants to build a house that you then have to live in. Yeah, exactly. All right, man. You got anything else? You got a dick tip for us? I hadn't thought of that. You got any tips for talking to Swedish women. I think if you're American, you're good. I think the American accent goes pretty well with Swedish girls. Oh awesome. I can play up the American angle. I could talk about guns and Trump and three sections of government and fast food. I got the fast food menu memorized. I could talk about, I could talk about watching, watching a reality TV

on all day, what else do I mean? I can talk about writing a little scooter around Disneyland, that's an American thing to do. I can talk about Texas and that it's basically the entire country, I got that, I got that unlocked. Do you think Swedish women would like that? Oh yeah, I think you're halfway in already. Okay. Okay. Well, congratulations, buddy. Thank you for calling in all the ways. What time is it there?

Right now it's 1130 at night. It's 1130 at night. Oh, thank you for calling in. This is Chris, the Swedish masseuse, the carpenter, like Jesus, a carpenter who wants everybody to stop being so picky about what you do for work. Give it a shot. Get into an honest trade. Be a carpenter, be a plumber. The world is going to need people who can keep it standing,

who can keep it erect. Am I right? Be a brick layer for God's sake. Not the world doesn't need a bunch of improv, comedians, and bloggers. Exactly. All right. Thanks, buddy. You were the first contestant on the Rage Lottery. Thanks a lot.

were the first contestant on the Rage Lottery. Thanks a lot.