The Dick Show - Episode 81 - Dick on Eating Expenses

Episode Date: December 19, 2017

Office Christmas party disasters, Asterios defends his $600 invoice, email auto-responders, the Pope embarrasses himself again, Star Wars is not Star Wars, Net Nuetrality [sic], Cracked calls me the face of "conservative comedy", Jamie's outsourced news segment, Jesus, Lost Legos, many bing bong remixes, $5 oil fights, new Christmas traditions, and the Race War; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

No, I don't want to report the bug. I don't want to help you at all Every you know what I mean Yeah, would you like to report this bug for us? No, no she never happened Yeah Hey, you want to dig you need to dig you love to, it's the only show where everything is a lawsuit coming to you live from a mountain from a concrete bunker in the side of a mountain, deep in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your host, Dick Masterson, the $20 million dollar man.

And with me, as always, is Sean the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy, joining us today to read the news is Jamie Buffalo. And with me is always a shawnt the audio engineer. Hello dick. Hey what's up buddy joining us today to read the news is Jamie Buffalo Bill, Jamie Lynn Hughes Buffalo Bill aka L.A. Phil. Oh, that's gonna be me now. No, no. Yeah, you're still Buffalo Bill. Yeah, yeah, your your L.A.

Phil on the streets Buffalo Bill in the sheets. Oh my god. Yeah, is there the Bill in the sheets. Oh my God. Is there the news? Welcome everybody. It's the VLC just crashed right before the show started. That's what makes me a rage is when they have the audacity to ask you. If you, you would like to help them. Yeah.

Un, hey, we know our thing doesn't work and never works. We know this program always fucks you over. When you're just trying to play in MP3, would you like to send us a crash report? Mm. Now, don't worry about what's in it. But because we ask you, it's gotta be something bad, right? Sure.

Why else would they ask? Right. Who knows what they're sending? Shouldn't they be like paying people to go through this shit? Do I get like a couple bucks for to do this? Do I get some bitcoins? I just mean, you know employees. Yeah, you know like people who work there. Do I get a thank you card for sending you this fucking crash report? Do I get any is there anything in it for me? Will it ever work? Will it ever work right? If I do this if I do this for you

What are the odds that it works any better? Zero. Yeah. Fucking zero. Are the odds that it works any, hey, I got a joke for you. Okay. A vegan, a libertarian, and a Bitcoin guy walk into a bar.

Who tells you about it first? Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Assholes. Send them all to the bottom of the ocean. That? Yeah. Assholes. Yeah. Send them all to all to the bottom of the ocean. That's funny. Yeah. Unbearable. So make that up. No, I read it, unread it. I acted like I made it up. It's pretty good. I think it's time to stop the, it's time to stop crediting things. Yeah. Yeah. It it's just, just steal it.

Just steal the joke. Isn't the Picasso, you know, good artist, borrow, great artist, steal. Yeah, great artist. Good artist, borrow, great artist, steal. So some of my best tweets have been stolen. I was on a session one time with a phenomenal key player named Jimmy Cox. Jimmy Cox. Jimmy Cox. Now his mentor was Dr. John.

Dr. John's a famous New Orleans pianist. It's pronounced Nolan's. Yeah. Nolan's. So Dr. John, he meets him when he's like like 20 years old and he's his idol. Dr. John says, he was asking for advice and stuff and he says, he says, you got to steal. He said, I stole the guys who taught me stole. He says, you have to steal because let's face it, you're shit ain't that great. Yeah, you do.

Which is a great line. And then the best of the best part is there's so many new young people coming up that they don't know where you stole that from. Oh, I know, I know, right? I know. Like you could just rip off entire chunks of material. Well, this happens from your idols

and it's like, guy who's 10 years, I'm a genius. He doesn't know where that's from. Well, no, this is this because it's the same people who don't know that certain songs are covers of other famous songs. Yeah. You know, that it's like, oh, that's a cover. They just don't go that far back.

So, yeah. I wish there was more stealing of old music today, because I didn't use it today. What's wrong with music today? Don't. How long do you want this show to be? Why, you got a big opinion on music today? Yes, I have a very strong with it. I just, it's boring.

Why? It's like Thanksgiving dinner. Well, I mean, a lot of the stuff that they crammed on your throat on radio, I would say. Plastic. Plastic music made with no instruments. All right. Sean and I are both very sick. We're doing this show from a, from a hostel.

Yeah. Uh, did I talk about my RNA needs last year that I want a device that scans people to see who gave me, who irresponsibly gave me the disease that I have? No, I don't think you have talked about this. Like I need a, I need a fuck ancestry.com. Yeah. Where you can tell what your DNA is because everybody's just going there to see how black they are. Well, that's also, no. It's also like that's run by the Mormons.

That's all it should just be called ancestry.com, how black are you.com? Yeah. Send us a bottle of your spit and we'll tell you how black. That's what it is. I think people are doing 23 and me now. Yeah, more than ancestry.

Okay, that's how black are you.net? Oh God, that's what it should be. I need a swab kit so I can go swab everyone I know to see who gave me the cold. Yeah, so you had a cold, I had the flu. And then I'm gonna send, did you get a flu vaccine? I did not. I did not.

You blew it. You don't do that. No, I know you don't do that. I don't do the flu in 15 years, I'll bet. You can do do that. I know you don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that.

I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that.

I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that.

I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. I don't do that. Usually the tell tell sign is the throw up. Yeah, your body's all the shan's bodies all ripped. Let's throw it up. His whole body is tense. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna get that poison out. It will work it. That's a lot. It will work it, man. You realize that you have a winner.

The top gay is gonna be beating off over that. I don't know. The top gay ripped. How many are under him? Sean and jeans. I feel like a commander of the UK and Dick Armin being ripped his hell. Oh, I don't know how many people hate throwing up, man, but it's I love it. No, well, you always feel better afterwards. I'm oh, yeah, just go, man.

Just do it. I've got like Pavlovian conditioning from throwing up every time I'm hung over and it feels so fucking good after. I'm like, yeah, baby! Time to throw up! Let's go! Line that fucking bad boy up! I got my whole system worked over.

Okay. The smell of the toilet is familiar to me. Oh boy. Yeah. You know that smell. Ah, here we go. Yeah, it's not, it's not gr- it's, you know, it's not poop smell. No, it's just a toilet smell. Yeah. Yeah, I get right in there. Yeah, it's not it's not grow. It's you know, it's not poop smell. No, it's just a toilet smell. Yeah

Get I get right in there. Yeah, I get oh man. There are Muslims don't praise hard to mecca as I get into that toilet. I bury in like an ostrich Burying my head in that fucking thing is yes, come on Come on you sweet fucker. Give me that bliss. Give me that three seconds. Give me that orgasmic body clenching release of a nice long hurl that get rid of the poison that is hang over for an hour and a half. So I can celebrate with a drink.

So I can, so I have the energy to crawl upstairs and get it to Coddy. Yes. Or whatever else coach has left in the fridge. Yeah. Whatever else he didn left in the fridge. Yeah. Whatever else he didn't take back home with him. Does he take back home thing? No, he's good about that.

No, no, no, that's really tacky. Invoices me for drinks at a bar, but he'll leave. That's true. Yeah. Beer's behind. He'll leave men behind. He leaves more than just beer's behind. What's he leaving behind?

What's that mean? He left behind. He left behind his weed. Oh, yeah, he left behind. Yeah, he left behind his weed. Oh, yeah, he left behind. Yeah, he left behind a bunch like a wee, he left behind. Coach has, Jamie, get on the fucking mic. Get a little, how many times do I have to tell you?

Get on, you get on. This is like like a toy lit. Don't Sean, you never tell a woman anything is fine. Anytime they ask you anything you say. Rookie mistake. It could be better. Yeah, no matter what it is. Beautiful Thanksgiving dinner

with the little feet socks on the turkey, everything down to the very last immaculate detail. And they say, well, honey, what do you think? Cause they, I've had better. It's all right, it's adequate. You can't say, as soon as you say it's good, everything goes to shit.

They let it go. They instantly gain 50 pounds. Oh boy. Just like that. Mm-hmm. My apologies. Totally unnecessary. That's a very good apology.

Because we know they don't mean it. Yeah. Let's see. That's what I need an RNA swab. So I can go around to my family members and see who gave me the sickness, which they do give me every year. Go around one by one, dad, brother-in-law, nephews, everybody drop your pants.

I got a swab here, and I need to figure out who gave me this bug. Because what? We're just passing over the fact that you said drop your pants. That's what I was. Where is the swab go? But let's where it goes. Can't trust the mouth. Let's see. It's Christmas. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, it makes me rage about some things and make it's Christmas. Yeah. The season of, uh, of Jesus. Yeah. It sounds like you're saying hunting season opens. Yeah. Everybody hunts the season. They get in their SUVs and hunt the Jesus. Right. And that'd be fun. It's

miss me a season. You can be like a nation wide smear the queer. Yeah. Are you allowed to say that? That was the name of the game in reference to gene. No, in reference to that game. That was a fun ass game. It was. That's so fun. I mean, it tossed somebody a ball and then just bash the fuck out of that, man. Yeah. You go for, that's all the game. Only kids could play because as an adult, you'd go like, you'd have to think too specifically about how you're going to bash this guy. Yeah. That's a game. I'm going to dislocate this guy's shoulder right here. That's not, it's not fun anymore. That was a game we used to play on the playground. And that was, you could say that name in front of teachers. And they wouldn't think twice about it. You wouldn't get trouble. There's a real game

that we just play. I don't remember. No, because playing with pretty's and dolls and these sorts of things guys, we'd take a football taught you toss it to your friend and go, Hey, guess what we're playing? And they would go, oh, fuck. Yeah, it's like it's mere the queer dude. And then you'd be right into him. So it wasn't actually specific to somebody you thought was gay. No, no, we didn't even know.

We didn't even know what that, we didn't know where, what penises were for, except going into the bathroom and spinning around and spraying piss everywhere. And that's what penises were for. Except going into the bathroom and spinning around and spraying piss everywhere. And that's what thought it was for. Doing cool stuff. Yeah. We've always known it was for enjoyment. Yeah.

You didn't know how controversial such enjoyment would be. You'd grow up. Yeah. Why was that? Yeah, that's the game. You hunt the Jesus hunt. Yeah. Every year.

If you choose to leave your house dressed like Jesus guys who are playing Well try to tackle the shit out of you Like in Mexico when they they read they what do you call they? They reenact the crucifixion oh They do well. Yeah, some of them some of them do that. Then there's one guy who's been like Actually like I don't know what he does, but he's hammered and he's had nails hammered into him. Oh, God.

A couple of times, yeah. Why? So he can undergo what Jesus went through, I guess. I still don't get that whole thing. I brought in the biggest problem, though. What? The whole Jesus thing. You mean just the entire concept of him being the Son of God and the Savior of yeah. It's like

what he's like a it's like he's just like a deleted selfie. Oh God took a cell. He's like, here's me. I didn't like this one. Do it over. Now, we'll do another one a little bit later. Then you know, 2000 years, go buy. Yeah. Mm. Yeah. I don't get it. Just tell them saying.

Yeah, okay. I don't get it. I don't get it. Anyway, I'll tell you what makes me rage about this. The season is out of office emails. You get any of these? Send an email out. Hey, so the return, the auto return.

So and so is not in the office right now. Yeah, yeah, no shit. It's Christmas. I know. So what do I do with this now? What the hell, yeah, is this now, is it my problem now? Like, I know how, I mean, as a guy who deletes things, this is an easy one for me Like I know how, I mean, as a guy who deletes things, this is an easy one for me.

I know how the email works. I know when you don't respond to it, that's how I know you didn't get it. I don't need a, I don't need a, a computer telling me that you, that you're not gonna look at it for a while. I know that because you didn't answer. Yeah.

Hey, how's it going? Ah, you know what? Mm, not, I'm not in the office. Yeah. So, why don't you just sit on it? Just so you know, I'm not, I'm not reading that. Just so you know. I've set up this elaborate computer system

to let you know that I'm not reading what you said. Yeah. Okay. Well, maybe I didn't, maybe I didn't read that. Yeah. How about I send you an email, an auto responder for your auto responder. I didn't read your auto. You know what? I'm not aware of that. Let the, that's how good. Let the auto responders sort it out. Yeah. Like that's just come back to 57 million emails. Let the auto responders sort it out. Yeah. Just come back to 57 million emails. Let me go back and forth for a while.

I don't know why it bugs me so much. Like I wrote you this, I wrote you this email so I could get this off my mind grapes so I could stop thinking about this. Now it's back on them. I've given you this load and you shoved it right back down my cock. Yeah. Now what am I supposed to do with it? I guess I have to think about

it all of Christmas for three weeks and I sit there with Bated Breath. Oh did this guy read my fucking email about this guy? Did he read it or not? Does he come back? Does he go through them? Does he just delete them? Does he assume I fixed it? It excuse me They really bug me nobody else you I can't say they bug me to the same level I've got a why I get them get them like, mother fucker, another one of these. I just, you know, select and delete, but that's,

and then why, you just figured it'll get taken care of? I may email them again when I know they're back in the office. So you gotta think about it. Yeah. You gotta keep thinking about it. It took so long. It's very taxing. Yeah. Fuck you. A lot of office parties happening. Yeah.

Who can get who can get drunk is that their office party. There's always a couple of really inappropriate drunk people. I've certainly been that guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Me too. I think the drunkest I've ever been is at a office Christmas party. Yeah. I've been incredibly drunk because it's basically hell. Yeah. Like you have to try time with these people at work. Yeah. You spend so much time out of the day pretending not to be who you are with these people and pretending to tolerate them. And just quieting the person that is you all day, every day, and then they push you, they push you more. It's like now you're walking the plank of working

and you're encouraged to drink. And you're encouraged to drink. And everybody's pretending to have fun. They're trying to trick you into having fun. And as soon as you have a little bit of fun, you've gone too far. Yeah. Because you can't have the kind of fun you want to have at work. You know what I mean? Yeah, sure, of course. You can't relax for one second. It's really it's really the it's the last gasp of Pretending to be a civilized of pretending to be this automaton at work for the year before you're free

Yes, I was fired from a My behavior at a Christmas party once. Really? What'd you do? Underage drinking. Oh, where were you working? It's just some fulfillment office. I was doing customer service, typeeting and... You got fired for underage drinking?

Oh, the hell was that? They found out about it. They didn't like it. Isn't that their fault? Who was carting? Nobody. Well, no, but it was in a separate area where the party was not happening. Is that area called a parking lot? No. Okay. Just in my friend's room.

At the filming center. No, at the hotel where the party was happening. She got a room. You guys were going back, chicken and couple back. Yeah. What else? Right? That's. Were you dressed like elves?

No. Oh, okay. Blumber. What about you? What's the drunk? You ever been in a holiday party? Oh, just black out drunk. So I can't remember.

I was at an office at a holiday party. Yeah. I got so drunk, was with this girl. She was totally wasted. Yeah. And I got, this is terrible, terrible, terrible thing I did. Terrible, another terrible thing that I did. Yeah.

I got this really clever, you know, is it lawsuit worthy? Uh, you know, no, no. Okay. Careful. I'm not quite, you know, every time I read like that, you gotta punish drunk drivers harder, I think, well, yeah, but, you know, we're not created making decisions in the moment.

Like, that's the whole point of the liquor. Yeah. That's why you try to get your dates sourced like everybody who's like, yeah, that works for us. Punishment's work for a sober person, but Trump people don't really operate like that. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, your judgment goes away.

Your judgment's fucked. So anyway, I was a lot younger. Uber didn't exist. More excuses. This girl goes to get her keys from the bar. She's blitz. She's like, oh, you're my keys, he's a little slurring. Yeah. Guy goes, no, no, I can't give you. I can't give you your phone keys.

Okay. So I stroll up and I have this horrible, I have this horrible ability to sound perfectly sober no matter how drunk I am. Yeah. It's, it's only ever fucked me. Yeah, you don't, you don't really slur. You don't, uh, now there's been a handful of times where I could tell that you were noticeably drunk and that's, we've done a lot of drinking. It's like, can he actually? So I walk up, I'm like, hey, I'd like, uh, don't worry, I can drive around

and just give me those keys. Absolutely no business driving. Yeah. So I start and because I'm so messed up, I put in the, I put in the directions up, I put in the directions again. I put in the walking directions. Okay. Fun, right.

So I'm about, I'm about, I don't know, 20 minutes and it is drive and it's like, and then- I'm taking out manger scenes on people's hands. Yeah, it's directing me to go into this park by a lake. We're also, it's a business trip. We're in Tampa. Okay, there's another, that's whatever.

That's where we're at. So I don't know the area at all. And it's going, the little computer's going, you gotta go straight, just go straight and make a left on this path. I'm like, I think I'm 100% sure this is illegal. Yeah. What I'm about to, I don't know how it works in Tampa,

but in L.A., that is, I know not to drive on that. We don't drive on grass pathways with like little workout circuits. No, I'm not. You do not. So I'm trying to figure out this, this direction is where the computer has messed up. I doubt this is, this is impossible.

I don't know what to do. Yeah. So I look at her. I'm like, well, perhaps you can she's out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's she gets it. Perhaps you can help perhaps you can help me. Perhaps two, two heads would be better than than one in this instance. Absolutely not. But between the two of you, you don't even have one at this point. So I just, I just, well, fucking, I'm winging it. Okay. Yeah. I'm gonna let the cat, I'm gonna let the cryptocrom take control, you know, my knee all brain.

Yeah. See if it can get me home. Cause it usually works. There's this, there's a, there is a, a, a, a, a period between being loaded and being black out drunk, and I'm not talking about driving, I'm just talking about getting home where you cannot get home, but then if you have like a couple more shots,

guaranteed you'll get home. Yeah, it's that more basic homing instinct. Yeah, well you're not second-guessing yourself. Yeah, I know how to get home. Yeah, well you're not second guessing yourself. Yeah, I know how to get home. Yeah, don't fuck with me. I know how to get home. So I just, hopefully that will help me warm. Like hopefully I'm gonna start recognizing things

in a town I've been to three times. So did you stop at a liquor store? So I'll get right past that. I'm trying to find like streets with names that I recognize totally impossible. And she wakes up and thinks that it's, it's thinks that it that she's home while I'm making a left across an intersection, right? So she opens the door. I'm like, Oh, fuck. Oh, wow. I stopped the car, get her under control, try to explain that we're in a car.

Yeah, this is not the time to be doing this stuff. She's incoherent, obviously. Yeah, yeah. I do end up getting a son, but it turns out when she opened the door, her phone went shooting off. Oh, boy. Because of centripetal force shooting out the door. Yeah, because you were turning.

Because you were turning. You know, I get home, wake up in bed, terrible things, all terrible things that I did. I know I'm sick, sick person, I should get to death penalty blah, blah, blah, blah. I stop doing, I don't do that anymore though. A, a preacher emails her from her phone a couple days later. She's like, oh, I'm fucked. A priest emails her who found the phone in the church parking lot and sends it back to her. Wow. It's a Christmas miracle.

It's pretty lucky. Wait, let me play this song. It's pretty lucky, right? Yeah. I'm gonna play the Dictale's song. Okay. I didn't know I'd be telling that story Because it makes me look so bad like it's fucked. It's totally fucked what I did. Sure Feel bad about it

Oh That's the worst thing I've ever done in an office Christmas party. I've drunk. Well, for the whole thing. I'm losing a phone. I think the car got a little smashed up too. Is that right? Yeah. Look at a rental? Yeah.

It was a rental. And it was her rental. She's like, I get a little ding-dum. Oh my God. The phone is her fault. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous.

I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous.

I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous.

I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. You know the war story turns out they're car got keyed and they had to pay $30,000 because it was in repairs for like three weeks. Yeah, the economy. There's not math doesn't exist in a car rental place. Yeah, they're like their own sovereign nation. You can you have to be different ages to give to be 25 to do anything for some reason for some arbitrary reason. They have different levels of insurance that make no fucking sense at all. So, you know, they don't understand how the thing works. Like, are you gonna be the only one driving?

No, dude, of course not, because it's a fucking car. Yeah. You think I'm gonna sit there and tell someone they can't drive my car, the go get a monster in the morning when they're hung over? Right. Are you fucking stupid? It's weird. Yeah, I guess so. I'm just going to be me. Actually, I'm not even going to drive it. I'm just going to look at it for a week. It's weird at which point different different people or groups consider

you a full-fledged adult. So according to rent a car places, you're not an adult until you're 25. Yeah, it's weird. I think it probably has to do something with insurance, where like that's like a, that's usually where it starts breaking a little bit. Such a pain in the ass. Yeah, such a pain in the ass. See, Diego's here. Did I say that?

No, no, yeah. I'll just give it a try. Diego's here. You're up turning him on. Hey, how are you doing? Hey, Diego's here. Hey, Diego's here. Diego's here so we can go over a stereosis invoice in a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Diego really itemized. Diego really figured it out. Stereosis, $600 invoice.

Diego's beautiful girlfriend is here as well. So you guys, you were also at the ping pong. Yeah. We were the ping pong. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I made these people sit through a home two hours. What did you think of it? That's it. That's it. It was a very repetitive. Okay. And I mean it from, and I mean it from a real point. Like they were just kind of doing the same exercises. Oh, right. It did look like exercises. Let's see, what else do I want to talk about?

Net neutrality. I want to talk about that at all, Sean. I don't know. God, it's so, I'm so annoyed. Nobody wants to. Nobody wants to talk about that. It is it. It is.

Maybe you can talk about how much nobody wants to talk about that. It is it. It is. Maybe you can talk about how much nobody wants to talk. It makes me want to blow my brains out when I'm going to like Patreon. And it's dropping down something that looks like, it's dropping down something that looks like a, like we're being attacked by aliens. This is how important this is. You need to fill out your phone number.

This is so important, this is so important that the internet hinges on it. It's making me kind of not give a fuck if the internet goes away. Like, you know what, honest, I'm hearing so much bullshit about net neutrality. I'm like, eh, fuck the internet. You know what, take it.

So what, I don't have Netflix anymore. I don't have email anymore. I kind of don't give a shit anymore. Make a charge of thousand dollars for it. Yeah, man. I don't have email anymore, I kind of don't give a shit anymore. Make it charge a thousand dollars for it. Yeah, man. I don't care. I don't even happen if the internet went away. I don't even pay for Netflix because I don't give a fuck because it's all just it's all shit. All of every single thing on there is shit. That's why I watch Twitch. That's why to for every more on that says, I don't get why you watch, I don't get why you watch

people play video games. I don't get why you watch I don't get why you watch people play video games I don't get why you watch millionaires pretend to have emotions all day written by written by fat Beard oh fucks and token women in a city where everyone is fake you're the fucking weirdo dude I'm watching something real at least. I'm watching Mega Man. What are you watching? The handmade in stale, some psycho-scientologist playing a weird, like sex pregnancy fantasy out.

I haven't heard of this one. I'm fucking weird. I would say, I mean, that was a hundred times weirder than watching video games. What's up? What are you playing video games? Because it's too frustrating, man. It's up? What are you playing video games? Because it's it's too frustrating, man. It's too frustrating. You know, you know, have a hobby based on a hobby. That's fine. It's fine.

I'd rather I'd rather just watch it like San with sports though. Yeah, San with sports Sean. You watch golf. Fuck you. You can't play golf because it's too frustrating and you watch it. I put golf pretty recently. Really? How many clubs did you break? None. It's just more satisfying. I'm so sick of the internet. Yeah. Everything about it, every person on Facebook, oh, you, well, they finally won.

You know, how's this for fucking irony? Maddox tweets, the new trailer is gone. I guess, I hope the big companies start censoring people. This is what Maddox tweets. Big companies are gonna start censoring people. Your free speech is at risk. Motherfucker, your $400 million lawsuit literally says that a stereos and I can't say your name anymore.

I know. Are you fucking kidding me, you punts? Different rules. You dog bites and associate's fuck. You're worried about censorship. You are trying to get the government to censor people. Call 1-800 dog bite. God damn it.

Yeah, somebody tweeted this. Like, how's that for irony? How's that for fucking irony? Should I play that sound bite? Yes. Okay. I have a sound bite for how's that for fucking irony? Should I play that sound bite? Yes. Okay. I have a sound bite for how's that for irony?

Oh yeah. How's that? You see, how's that for fucking irony? Yeah. Neutrality, Sean. I don't know how to, it's just the name, right? Nobody knows what it is.? Nobody knows what it is. Nobody fucking knows what it is.

I think some people know. No, let me clue you in. No, they don't. No, absolutely nobody knows. This is all based on fantasy. Like, what if, John, what if they started, what if there was premium lanes? I don't know, what if there was a fuck off lane? Yeah. What if I could, what if there was premium lanes? And what if there was a fuck off lane?

Yeah. What if I could, you know what, if I could pay 20 bucks right now for you to be in the fuck off lane, I would do it. Well, there are fuck off lanes that you do pay for. The 110 freeway has one. The 110 has a fuck off lane. Yes, they took away, they took away,

they made part of it a toll road, basically, where you can, they took away, they took away, they made part of it a toll road, basically, where you can, they took away the H.O.V. lane, took away or transition the carpool. Oh my god, I have to that. Fucking hate those two, dude. Yeah. So it is, yeah. And they take up like three lanes. The fact that the toll road lanes.

Oh, yeah, this one's just one, I think, but I, because I take it to go to the airport. And it's, I was noticing, I've been, I've actually been down there with Uber and the Uber driver had one. It was great. It was like 10 or 15 minutes quicker. Yeah. Well, I was, I had to go down last, last year when I moved into the house. I was really, I had a real fire in my pants about getting the fuck out of Hollywood.

Yeah, oh, yeah, sure. Cause that, like once I realized that I was, once I realized that I was basically a Hollywood and was doing this to myself, I had to get the fuck out of there immediately. Yeah, Hollywood will fuck you up. We were closing escrow on this house. I was closing escrow and they were like,

well, if you get down here today, you can make the payment and it'll happen faster because it's right before Thanksgiving. It's like, fuck, all right. So 80s girls driving me down there, I think I was drunk. I was gonna say, I said, I know you have a car.

I tricked her into taking the fast, the express lane, the toll road lane. Yeah. And I was like, no, it's probably fine. We just paid online. That's sure enough, she got to hit with like a $50 ticket or something like that. I have to work like a $35 ticket.

Yeah, pulled over. Now they send you, they send you one in the mail. What there was there, cameras there? Yeah. Oh no, oh yeah dude. Okay. Can't, so many cameras that you couldn't even believe. God forbid that you use their precious asphalt

when nobody's fucking using it. Yeah Ah That neutrality Yeah I really I'm so I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of how self-righteous everybody is about it Everybody self-righteous about everything though. Yeah. Yeah. You think so? Yeah. I do. I don't know. This one, this one's specific. I'm, I just, you know, take the internet. I don't care. Yeah. I don't need it. I don't need Netflix. I don't care.

How, how much keep, they're already charging the max that they could possibly charge. Because there's only one fucking company. Well, I'm not gonna come through and nickel and dime you for more, they can't, they could do it at any time. Hey, you paying a hundred bucks a month? It's one 10. Dup, what, oh, what are you gonna do? Not have internet, you fucking idiot. Help, you know what I'm saying?

Well, what if they're, if you're the only game in town, that's true, what if you've got what if there's competition? Yeah, they're never that's but that's not that's got nothing to do with net neutrality Nothing to fucking do It's got that because that's all last mile problem like that's all the way we talked about that. Yeah, yeah We talked it's not net neutrality. It's just look who's why why can't people say shit on TV? The FCC, right? Well, yeah.

So why do I want them involved in the internet at all? Yeah, I mean, there are, I don't. There are definitely a hardcore regulatory agency. Yeah. Okay. What else do I get? Anything make you a rage? Um, I think I'm all right this week.

Okay. Larry sent a song in. Do you want to hear it? Larry sent a song in? Yeah, before we get to Asterios this week. Okay. Larry sent a song in. Do you want to hear it? Larry sent a song in? Yeah, before we get to Asterios is Invoice. Jesus. That Larry show. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's called Scandal Clause is coming to town. Oh. Yeah. You better not blame. You better not blame, you better not whine, don't be bored in your finger I'm telling you why Cause Scandal Claus is coming to the town

Where the Weinstein or Spacy, a Louisie Kaye, for ranking on that or Georgia to K. Scandal Claus is coming to town. Ooh, it sees you when you're grouping and it knows what's on your mind. What you thought you got away with he was shoved up your man You grabbed a little last made up not a joke Maybe you gave somebody And now scandal clauses come in

Scandal clause is coming. Yes. Hey, no came early this year Scandal gloss. He's coming. Yes. Hey, now I came early this year. Don't be treating those ladies like hose. Garrison Giller, have you been capping some feelers? You'll be wishing your woes be gone. Hey, it might allow her. Why so dull? Welcome to the world of Tigger Power.

A rock, some flirty, but he's also Canada dirty. Yeah. It's the name and shame and get yourself some treatment game. He sees you when you're playing. Maybe playing with yourself. Oh, and if you met somebody, watch he gonna put you.

Put you. On that shelf. Don't be dropping no roofies, nobody's drink. Sneaking up the hall, the matter, kitchen sink, because scandal clause is coming to town. Okay, scandal clause is coming to town. Okay, scandal clause is coming to town. Very Christmas. Yeah.

Well, good job, Larry, and mixing the vocals correctly. Yeah. You know, I think that that people secretly want this like a hypersexualized male predator figure that people secretly want this, like a hypersexualized male predator figure. Cause it's starting to wreak of a lot of bullshit to me.

Oh, that's supposed to be a secret. Yeah, it is to them. But what do you think? Like, that they secretly wish there was this Let's this like height the super aggressive Lithuania to make them feel like I think that a fear of it of that Victimization and the want of it to exist are the same Does that make sense? Yeah, I think I think I know what you mean, but why would you want that?

Well, okay, it's like human nature, like to want like this giant John Wayne alpha male to stroll in to stroll in and grab pussies and be like way to like because everyone wants to be desired to a woman all gay like that. Was he gay? Sean, no. Have you seen the way he walks though? Well, you know, he's known for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's stride. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Looking like a big tough guy. Kind of.

And they don't have this. He's handed a weird angle. Yeah. Sean, I was different time. Yeah. You do stuff with your hands, you can't do it. It's just funny that like the guy who's the epitome of like a like a male badass screen star for so many decades has that walk.

I think that's part of it. Getting into is something that's very controversial to talk about, but the fact that women, most women have like a rape fantasy. Right, oh yeah. Really? The same thing. You talk about fantasy?

Oh yeah. Are you kidding me? Mo, I'm just saying most. Listen, this is a dick tip to end all the, if you want to make your girls dreams fucking come true, just, just, just assume it. Like don't, I'm not saying to do it, but if you want to blow her fucking mind in bed,

oh yeah, you mean like come in with like breaking the window with like a mask or something? Well you don't have to break the window because you gotta clean that shit up. Well you, I mean, real is. You talk about it beforehand. You can talk about it a little bit during. Well, then it's like, then she doesn't,

then she already knows it to you. Now, that's not the point. That's not the point. They can pretend like, why do you think women are doing when they're reading those Fabio books? Yeah, I'm just kidding. They're all just kidding off on all this like,

ravishing and raping that's going on I don't think I know one woman who reads those books and they are probably and I would I'm gonna say that they are Probably in like the me two category because they're inventing a real life romance novel Because they don't have that in like in their life that they'd like a part of them needs it to exist So they like they they've demonized these guys That it's like any any kind of untoward sexual advance is like who now I'm living in this romantic fantasy of Fabio all these Fabio's all over town. Just want to ravish me. I'm so desirable

It's just it's starting to feel like bullshit Well, because it's human that jaman got a lot of shit the other day for a for a tweet or a series of tweets that he posted. But the one thing that people jumped on him for that I thought was really stupid is he said, look, we have to start, we have to realize that not all of this is created equal. And he got jumped on for that. But it's like, of course there's degrees of it. But people don't want to think. It's like it's binary because they can't think it because they need it. They need it. Like they need that role to exist. They need a big

bad dad figure to exist. And they've beaten and Feminized every man around them so that they don't get it anymore. Yeah, they got invented I don't know kind of a half baked theory. Well that I've got is what you know helps with the 50 shades of gray like craze That happened. Yeah. Oh, yeah, which was dog shit. I never saw it, but I know it like a lot of girls thought and it was just Spoken about or read the book I never saw it, but I know it like a lot of girls saw it and it was just spoken about or read the book. Yeah, or the book. Yeah, is it one book? Two book. I don't know. I think there's so crazy. They had to put plastic sheets on the seats. At the premiere, did you know that? Because the test audience is ruined like the the plastic sheets. They were like soggy crackers. They had to throw them away because they're because they soaked them. God. Don't listen to John.

Asterios, are you there? Carpet cleaning service. Is there a suit? Yes. A gift. Hi, Asterios. How you doing? This will go swimming. Oh, yeah. So this is crocodile dead too. Oh, yeah. Not a stereo scope. Crocodile. Okay. Now that that's out of the way, hey, what's going on? How are you?

Everyone's been looking for you. Hey, man. Hey, what's going on? Uh, I've not great. Not great. I mean, you know, this is all like, I can't get into it. I'm not allowed to talk about it Are you able to get an erection with the stress of all this stuff that's going on? That's with the one thing

I'd be if Maddox cost me my boner over a stress of a lawsuit. Oh man Well, thankfully I'm Greeks though nothing could stop it. Okay, spoken like a true I mean, it's just I I wanted to call it and just say thank you to everybody that bought the album because that, like, so far that is covered half of my legal bill. Wow. I mean, I expect that they'll go up, but, like, so far that is incredibly helpful. So I just wanted to say thanks. What's your favorite track from the album?

The first track. What's the first track? It's the one where they cut together our conversation from the episode, the first episode that I was on where it was me and you talking about all the bullshit. Like, it was like episode, I don't know, 19 or something. And it's like really heartfelt and it's just it's really well done. I think the first rax kind of amazing. Let me play a little bit.

This is from a stereo say a stereo say dot band camp dot com stereo say dot com. It's both me to this giant fan base. Oh yeah. This is good. Always be grateful to him and thankful to him for that. It doesn't mean that if I see bullshit happening, I can't call it out. Like friendship doesn't mean just nodding your head and agreeing with everything that someone does. Yeah, it does your bad friend of yours. I mean, that's the thing.

It's like if you're really somebody's friends. You will tell them the truth. That's cool, man. Yeah. I wish he could have just been more honest with why he was ending the show. I wish he could have just said, yeah, look, this guy had sex with my ex-girlfriend. He picked up my ex at a wedding right in front of me. No.

And that happened. I told her. Because that's what I would have done. He's ashamed of me. You don't say things you're ashamed of, because you know in your heart, it's wrong to feel that way. It's psychotic and obsessive and controlled.

That's your problem. So you don't say it's how I sound. So you twist your mind into pretzels. So you've got to find another reason why this guy is the bad guy. You've got to see that he's a rape apologist, that he stole money from me. All right, all right, all right. Cool, cool. That's a serious A.D. band.

It's not reinforced in the, yeah, that's not. Theories that take this rape of all. I feel like some people, it's like this isn't just like some random thrown together album. No, no, it's a great. It's like this isn't just like some random thrown together album like no no a Dade I mean like you heard the production on that I forgot I said most of those things And like people went back they found no clips. There's there's new songs on it that like you've never heard It's yeah, it's it's kind of nuts. I know I want to play all of them They're so far I listen to this album on repeat. Yeah.

All week. Because they're so good and they change, they change it up because it's different artists. Yeah, totally. Like you listen to one, if you listen to one artist for too long after a while, you're like, ah, you get this like gross feeling. I know.

I'm gonna get, I'm gonna change my brain. I know all your tricks. Yeah, it starts to sound the same, but this is not, okay, speaking of paying for a stereosis bills, a stereos. Oh boy. Do do you wanna fucking explain this $600, $610 in voice states? We all have the gate fees of it. No, no, no, the $600 in voice, I just wanted to say,

but I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Sean. It's just you and Gun. Honestly, it should have been a thousand dollars So I ate some of those expenses and I know that it is like You want me to you want me to expense the maximum I can so right as a liberal. I was trying to be nice

Hashtag hashtag fees to this is how the world works, deliverables. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses.

Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses.

Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. Ashtair, as you definitely ate some of those expenses. in food on this invoice that's what Jamie's talking about. It's actually about $100 worth of alcohol, $92 worth of food. Okay. What? Not true. I don't know. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

That's not true. And that's not true. And that's not true. And that's not true because Diego went through this with a fine tooth comb as part of his producer responsibilities. There is very little alcohol on this. It was in 24 hours. Let me see here.

Let me add up. You mean 72 hours because you guys told me to fly out there on Friday? Then you come out at midnight? Yeah, I came out right after work. I got in the taxi right after work. I'm pushing it back. Yeah, I'm a taxi right after I push it back. Yeah, I'm a taxi right after I have to head down to the airport. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I have you on 11.15 a.m.

That's the Friday at the costume store doing the trip to the costume store. Yeah, I went to the costume store on my lunch. Okay, at 11.000. Uber to costume store. Yeah, I went to the costume store on my lunch. Okay. At 11 a.m. Uber to costume store. 12 bucks. 12 bucks. $12 tip. There's all the,

Asterios tips in an Uber. Yeah. Asterios, what are you doing? You don't tip in an Uber. You knew you were hiring a liberal. I had to be poor in the, oh my God. 12 bucks to the costume store.

He ate at the airport three times. That's it. 20's are pretty small. You know how expensive food is at the airport? That was like a salad. Yeah, yeah. Uber to LaGuardia. A 3 PM.

Uber to LaGuardia at $3.86. Oh man. That's $6. That's a what, with a $27 tip. Sean. That's a $20 tip. And did you know you were tipping with my money while you were doing this? Well, that's why I tipped so much. It was my money.

I was like, what did you think? That sounds right. This is a, Diego says this is a 50% tip because of the actual total. That's not true. It says $86. That's including that tip. So all the trips that he did,

I cross reference with Uber. Okay. You Diego, man. He's gonna, he's, if you know, if you were investigating Trump, he would get to the bottom of it immediately. Which is that there's nothing.

There's no. He'll find out if there's something he'll find it. You can't find out that there's nothing, Sean. And by end to that. One of those actually one of those taxi trips, I had to take to the that fucking ISIS training camp that you put everybody up at. It was great. It was fucking fun.

It was fucking fun. Because I believe that you yourself called it a massage parlor, but worse. Yeah. But what happened was I gave Diego the suitcase that my crocodile done decos you minute. And I said, he said, I'm going to the venue. I said, great, bring this to the venue. And where do you decide to bring it to the rape room that you put everybody up in, that Airbnb? So I can't spend money. Your money to get

in the taxi, go get the suitcase, which is why I was late to the venue. Now, Dick, I understand that you're looking for the cheapest produce you can find. But Nick, try the high school instead of the middle school. You know, I know that like high school producers, you can't pay them in Minecraft skins and all playboys, but like, they don't fuck up like kids do. Yeah. Oh my god. Is that true?

Did he tell you to take his costume? Because I see how it's got to the venue. Oh, it was there! Sean was there. I said that I was gonna go to the hotel. I was gonna wrap up a few stuff. Oh, you said I was going to the venue. And then I was going to the venue.

Okay. What? What's going to happen? A suitcase, too. You knew I wasn't staying at the Airbnb. Why would you bring the suitcase to a place you knew I wasn't staying? Why would you let someone else take your suitcase to the show? Do you think this is like white glove treatment for a Sarah? That we're gonna ban of roteas just to bring your,

by the way, your suitcase consisted of a pair of short shorts and a vest. That was your outfit. You couldn't bring that yourself. And a hat and knives. He doesn't, he doesn't come out there. Does a couple road rages. He turns into barb with stricings. Okay. That hat, that's a pretty good hat.

That's worth your money. I mean, to tell you the truth, I thought that you kind of decided to come to the actual Airbnb after that you decided to leave. And that's why I thought you just gave us the luggage. And then it's like, hey, yeah, I'm just like going to make the move. I was like, yeah, I'll can drop it out of the Airbnb. You're like, oh, thanks man. Yeah, go has so many things to keep track of it's true of lighting I know so many things to screw up so little time. Oh, what?

I Would want to stay in a a place that had a paper of surgical curtain that would be you separate Faces waiting around you down I'm 35 years old. I have stayed in like a room that has a door. By the way, I asked you for an advance and you were like, yeah, yeah, the place has got a door. You know, these air bmp's. Yeah, it does have a door. It's like a little thing to ask. Yeah, that is weird to ask. Jamie's

weird. I was bringing my girlfriend. Why is that weird? I was so like, you can't go, you can't go tonight without plowing your girlfriend. I'm kidding. I can't. I think you need it. I think you need it. He needs her to ride the jokes for him, that's fine. Well, I think like series you need a door that, like I get it.

You're saying you said I give a floor. I have an email where you say, yes, you will have a door. And I get there. But I never would have thought to ask Yeah, I know that's a woman really bizarre is serious Sirius you got it you got to share the love man if you're gonna get down with your girlfriend Everyone wants to hear it smell it's you just do it out in the open. What's the big deal? You so uptight With your cosmopolitan New York sensibility

This lawsuit is got you all twisted up. We thought you were a liberal. I feel like a conservative over here. Yeah, really. Okay, $90 cab ride to LaGuardia. Then food at LaGuardia, food at LaGuardia, 440, food, 730, food food 830 food 11 p.m. Starbucks which was a fruit cup a yogurt parfait and a popcorn It's got a mind of eyes

Right yeah popcorn He get went for the butter flavor. These are all on me. All of these things are what Isterios needs to bring comedy to road rage Chicago. Well, and kind of almost not bring comedy to, because of the bag.

What? What? What is false is that? Yours. Diego has so much to keep track of. He's got lights to not be fucked up. He's got audio to try to not be fucked up because somebody did a great job with that, right Sean?

Oh no, he's blameless in this. It's your fault. He's not, it's not. It's not, it's not. It's not gonna help you. I've known you for a long time. Help me out of your channel. He's got to get the merch set up and counted.

Speaking of merch, the venue owners, those liberal colleges, they would not let me sell my Santa Cuck teacups. What did you do? Did you walk into the venue where nothing but a mega hat over your dick? They didn't let you sell the merch. They didn't let me sell my t-shirts and it's like, gee, I wonder what I might need that money for well

Frankly, I don't know you were gonna do that and I was the one He's always gonna be selling something say that again You remember when I sold merch at the L.A. Show Diego Yeah, but I was the one in charge of that and I was the the merch guy at that But this one was was a bit more of a serious Operation in the theater and they had to take Tally of all that stuff So next time you want to sell something let me know. Did you tell them? Ashtaryos. Did you tell Diego? No

But what I did was I told Okay, no no, okay, that's the answer fucking liberals never give you never get you a stretch. Just know the answer. Okay. Well, hey, my tears shirts were in the suitcase that Diego threw into the Chicago River for some reason. What? What? I get there and they're like, we don't have an inventory

for these t-shirts. I go, well, you know what? I could draw one up right now and just give it to you and they go, no. Wait, and that point where you was toilet paper out of his pocket. You're the reason. But all right, this is a serious question. Were you already by that point sauceed in whatever thing you were into?

Because when you got into a theater, I got word that you kind of just went in, just scrant in right through the door, and said, I'm part of the cast and you have your own policy coming in. So were you in right through the door, and said, I'm part of the cast, and you had your own policy coming in. So were you in that state when that happened? And I'm being 100% serious. Oh sure, no, I'll give you 100% serious answer. All right, I don't know if I could. I was dressed like crocodile-doned dude

while I was trying to sell these t-shirts. Oh, okay, that would be good. So I mean, these girls might have been dazzled by my physique. Oh, like, you know, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was gray up in there. There's a pretty good close dazzled by my physique. Yeah. Like, you know, it's like, with like, it's gray up in there. There's a pretty good close up of your physique. I'm like, oh, right.

Right. Georgia's pictures. You mean when he was sitting like that? It's like, so glad I haven't seen that one. That's like a, it's a completely full lens shot of only a stereosis stomach and it's spread apart.

It's the most beautiful thing. Like I wish he had a face painted on his tits. Oh of heart. It's the most beautiful thing. Like I wish he had a face painted on his tits. Oh yeah. It's a beautiful picture. And that's why I need the popcorn, the fruit cup. That's why I need all these snacks to keep my punch, punchy. Wait, so this was asked for all of you are welcome. So you brought in the shirts after you almost got kicked out of the venue.

Yeah. I was, what the venue and I said, Hey, I'm with the show and they said, yeah, you're gonna have to wait outside while we check. So I wait outside for a couple minutes and nothing happens. I'm up back in and I was like, Hey, can you guys please talk to Diego? I'm in the show tonight. And they were like, fine, fine, fine. Like the whole venue was on edge for some reason. It was weird. So I had nothing to do with you.

Like they were not being helpful at all. That's the first I've heard of that. Yeah. It's just talked about that on the show. Oh. And he can't get my name right. Say it was like in life. All right. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing.

That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing.

That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing.

That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. That's the. He was never in JFK. Well, you know. How did I get home then? I don't know.

I don't know. According to this, you got home probably by, I don't know, a train or something because you did not invoice that. Here's my favorite meal, frontier, $60. Man, that place is good. It was a good place. That place is so good. And you told was a good place. I guess so good.

And you told me to meet you there, Dick. Well, then, to have dinner with me. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I'm so tough, but you immediately left. Wait, is that where the suitcase began? It's ill-fated. Yeah, that's what I thought.

We were walking out. He was going in. Yeah. Beers after the show, $37. This beer's after the show thing. You know, you need to get dickheads to buy you beers. If this is how it's going to be you and coach, you just start, you need to put to pass the plate around after the show. We, oh yeah, it's not that hard. No, the kitty model. Oh, he's got to there. He's got

to there. He's got case of beer to the venue. And the lady that ran the venue would not let us bring it in. Diego, you should have fought for that. That's saving you. Yeah. Well, honestly, I never got word that that was an issue until right now.

Taxi, taxi, I guess that's home, 26 bucks, beer's 37, from the after show to the hotel, 12 bucks, hotel to O'Hare, $50, fuck. Food, food, food, right? Well, O'Hare, $10, and food at LaGuardia. So you got me coming and going. Yeah, food. That's two separate zones of business.

Is that how this works? Is this how it's zones of business that you're doing? Zones of business, doesn't that sound official? And like a big sense? All right, you're just fucking scumbags. All right. I'm going to hear you. I'm going to hear you because of the lawsuit. No, I know. Won hear you're because of the lawsuit.

No, I know. Won't you help me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad to find that you're not in default. By the way. Yeah, you know what? I can't comment on that, but I know. Use your cam.

Yeah, I know. OK, get out of here. Go do whatever Greek Christmas things. You guys eat plates or something. Yeah, try to be pleased. Yep. OK, see plates or something. Yeah, yeah. Try to. Yep. Okay. See ya.

Good bye. Good bye. Good bye. Good bye. Good bye. Eat plates. You try to find out who your dad is. What was that, Mama Mia?

I don't know. I don't know who your dad is. Is that what they did? I didn't see it. I didn't see it either. I definitely didn't see it. I'm sure. Man, he really, really wanted to throw you under the bus Diego.

I mean, he can keep trying, but he's always looking like the asshole by the end though. Most do I got here. Oh, Patreon. What about Patreon? And they're pro eating how professionally they eat crow. Oh, yeah, they're not doing the fees. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh yeah, good. There's enough outrage that it actually changed something. Yeah, because they need to start, they need to stop fucking around and start understanding that the creators are their customer and that the creators, the patrons are not a revenue source for them to mine. And that their entire business model can be replaced with two WordPress plugins. So much sooner they figure that out the better. But at least they do the, I feel this has got to be the second or third time they've issued some kind of an apology over something. And they seem to do it pretty well. Yeah,

that's not a positive for me. No, No, the fact that they have to apologize for. Yeah. They shouldn't be doing anything, but making their service better. They shouldn't have their CEO on TV talking about why they ban people. At that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. But once you rather have them be like, oh, well, yeah, that was kind of a screw up. My bad. No, because I don't want them, I don't want,

I don't like giving people the idea that they can screw up and apologize their way out of it. Like the screw up is still the mentality behind the screw up. We'll lead to more screw ups. Yeah, we'll lead to more screw ups. So once they screw up, what is your preferred course of action for them to take? Fire CEO, fire, fire the top person,

fire the fire, who's ever in charge of whatever that was that's why they exist they don't that's why they get paid so much money because as soon as there's a fuck up like boop that was you that's you dude somehow you did it we don't know how but somebody's got to be fired for that or somebody or somebody or somebody hired or we hired Dick Masterson to be in charge of our PR now on or serious. Yes, serious, yeah. Yeah. Let's see. I got to, I got us some kind of funny trademark goss. You know how back to the trademark.

Yeah. You know how we're in the trademark battle. Yeah. Minematics. We're a furious Mr. I'm not gonna say his name. right? Right. Right. Right.

I'm not going to say his name. Um, so a couple of weeks ago, as part of the trademark process, you have to send in evidence as to why you think something belongs to you. Yeah. Sure. And then the judge wants all the evidence in the end. And that's where the case gets thin. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, as usual, in the analytics. You know, like actual, actual facts. Yeah. So, Maddox, pack, like actual actual facts. Yeah. So Maddox sent in all these emails between him and Randy, where he's just bitching about his share of the money, saying that he wants more, that the current deal is fair. Sure. Which of course immediately proves my point and the default point, which is if you start

something with somebody, it's 50. It is, unless otherwise stated. Yeah. So, assume to be 50, 50. His or equal parts. In typical, the dumbest person, the dumbest strategist in the universe, and typically, Maddoxian fashion, he sends in emails where he's bitching at Randy about his share being not enough because he provides snacks and even though I...

And even he didn't invoice for them. Yeah. Even though I say I don't want the snacks, I still eat them and also Sean eats them because sometimes Sean comes from work and he's got a whole fucking paragraph about snacks. And he's emails. I did eat all the snacks. Of course, as you would.

Yeah. Cause I enjoyed the snacks. Yeah. Good. Good for you. Yeah. Thanks for fucking up. Yeah.

My dad a little bit. Yeah. So race. So you can fuck up my day a little bit more than everybody else. So these emails that he sent me are that he's supplied to the court, the trademark court. Yes. Are just between him and Randy. Which means if it weren't for his stupid ass submitting them to the court,

I'd never be able to see them. And of course now that he's done that, they're public and I can read them. Yes. And they're hilarious. Like it's a hilarious insight into what kind of a lunatic this guy is. You definitely want to know now that he's filing half a billion dollar lawsuits toward everyone under the sun, but they're hysterical. Well, this is the trademark one seems sane by comparison. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So I've mentioned that a couple episodes ago and wouldn't you know it? Steven Birch, my trademark attorney, forwards me an email that's from Maddox's trademark attorney that says, hey, it's come to our attention that a mistake was made. We forgot to mark all those emails as confidential. We forgot to mark all those emails as confidential. So just letting you know that all of those emails are just to be clear, all of those are, I propose nothing.

No reason we might be saying this because I said I was gonna read them because they're hilarious, right? Yeah, sure. Couldn't possibly fall into the wrong hands, right? Yeah. I just knew you just said no. They're all confidential. And we're looking at it going,

no, they're not, that no, that's not, that's not how it works. That's your evidence, bitch. You can't, you can't unfile it. Like while you're unfiling, why don't you head up the career suicide lawsuit, right? Mm. You know what I'm saying?

Yes. Anyway, let me see what else I got here. Cracked took a shot at me. Oh yeah. Yeah, the cracked podcast. Yeah. He's a cheap shot though. I don't think anything really came from that. Do you only play it at all? Sure. They say I'm the voice of conservative comedy and that they can't even imagine. the voice of conservative comedy and that they can't they can't even imagine. It's pretty why I mean, that's they said you're the voice. Yeah, they use me single example. Yeah, you want to hear it?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't know about this. Improv comedy has given us Mike Nichols, Harold Raymus, Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner, Amy Polar, Alan Arcontina, Faye. I'm running out of oxygen from a CD bar near the University of Chicago to a full-fledged American art form. Sam Wasson's improv nation gives you the whole story. It's available wherever books are sold.

Hold that improv dick out of your mouth. It's not that fucking funny. Let's get to my part. Nothing worse than comedians taking comedy seriously. Talking about it. Oh, all these comedy grades. Oh, these Tina Fey couldn't be any funnier. I've been ripin' from theaters, from famous theaters,

such as The Improv. They get on stage, it just comes right out of the head. They're so funny, they're master the craft. Same as my sports podcast is doing, I would probably hate it and I would probably go try to find out that in the only place you're going to find Alice that don't do that are ones that are explicitly right wing. And that stuff exists. Oh, that's hilarious. I think when we talk about what all of the big institutions are left wing, you know, Saturday Night Live and the tonnets show and all this, I think we're talking about old out of touch

institutions. And I think all of the young people who are more right wing have found other thriving outlets that go unnoticed by us, but they don't have like Comedy shows like they had that one weird one on adults like a muppet and I've got a piece of shit Jesse Waters being a while There's no piece of shit. There's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like,

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there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's comedy in like, there's There's podcasts, there's YouTube shows, there's a bunch of have audiences 10 times water listening to this podcast. I can't listen to that. There's people out there like Dick Masterson, Sam Hyde is still out there,

like even after his show got canceled, like these guys got the good after the last. Even after his show got canceled, he's still out there. He doesn't respect his rejection, the show. Yeah, I think he's still out there. He doesn't respect his rejection charm. Yeah, yeah. I think he's a criminal man.

He's like, you know, the really hateful Facebook memes. Hateful memes. It is a big, metal joke on four channel other places where these people are coming out. Yeah, you guys are fucking chilling. I'm telling you, the kids, the modern kids, they're not right wing and you're sensing that they're out there

talking about capital gains taxes. Or, you know, gosh, I wish we had a really good time. Like this fucking moron knows anything about capital gains. Okay, let's see your 401k you fucking bitch. How diverse of either you, not at all, but your stocks, the bonds ratio you fucking loser. I mean, get going. Yeah, yeah, you fucking loser. I mean, get coins. Yeah. You don't need special laws or whatever.

Oh, never. And they are very, very, very, very, very anti-sensorship. Mm-hmm. And every single time I was like, oh, yeah. What was the guy at Google who wrote the manifesto? Yeah, that's my brand. Very, very, very, very anti-using violence to shut people up. Yeah. That's, that's, that's, that's this, that's these, this, this, this mob of malcontents,

that they can't even imagine bringing on the show. Very, very, very, very anti-censorship. Yeah, you fucking rights. No shit. Yeah. I don't know why the hard left doesn't see the hypocrisy. You know what, I'm not even gonna say left. It's these fucking guys have no dick.

It's the dickless. I can tell. It's the dickless. It's the dickless among us, Sean. It's guys who look down every morning at their dick and they stare until it doesn't exist anymore. They like, there are five lights, kind of level shit. Self brainwashing shit where they're like, no, this is, I can't put it well. I'm going to just wake up harder tomorrow and look down and pretend that my dick doesn't exist

even harder and maybe then, maybe then it will go away overnight. It's not even about, I'm not even gonna say left anymore because there's a lot of liberal guys who listen to this show they're fine. It's fine. It's fine. I mean, the extremes. It's, and there's such, there's a great argument.

We do have a more diversified audience than people would think. Because look guys, not everybody can work. And we gotta support them. And it's nice to pretend that everything would just work out, but it wouldn't. Right. There's a lot of people who can't fucking work.

They can't, they can't get a fucking job. And we're all, we're all fine with it. To a degree, to a degree. Just don't lie to me, don't educate them, because that's not the fucking problem. It's just that they're fucking dumb. That's the problem. They just can't do shit.

Okay. Yeah. Here's my, well what we're gonna do is we're gonna educate them. Who's this wee shit? Because now it sounds like I'm paying fucking you to do something. I'll give them shit because I feel bad for them.

I'm not giving you shit to pretend to tell them that they can do shit that they can't do. Just a rock. That's the problem. Arrive at the end result quicker. Yeah. You know what I mean? As opposed to going through, it's like, well, that, you know what?

They're still fucked. Yeah. They're still, they're still, well, what we're gonna educate, we're gonna set up a, the problem is education. No. Problem is, can't do shit. There's a problem. There's certainly a percentage of society that I agree with that.

It's growing. Yeah. We'll never stop growing. What, you mean relatively or absolutely? Absolutely. The more technology grows, more people can't do shit. Oh, this is doing it. Yeah. You know, it's doing it. It's doing it. It'll start thinking for us. Then what? More people can't do shit anyway. I don't like shitting on liberals anymore. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, sure. It's just these guys, they got no dick. That's the problem. And they pretty much say why people tend to lean towards the right and not towards the left that much now. And they set it over there. Like they know why? Because the left tends to be this very PC, like censorship, you can't say this, you can do this, you can do that.

So you don't want to really, like, get it into that, it's not really us appealing us. The quote unquote, right, that is just kind of walking around in memes and having a good time. Everybody wants to see somebody get wrecked. Yeah, there's nobody and there's nobody. That is the great American pastime. It's watching somebody on a skateboard,

try to hit a rail and miss it and they get their nuts shoved right back into their body. That is American, that is it is American, is apple pie and big tits and machine guns. I know. Seeing motherfuckers get wrecked. We're already at Almy Balls from Idioculars Hall. Oh, we are.

There was a slow mo of an asshole on Reddit. There was a slow mo close up of someone farting. Oh, my God. And from Idioculars, the movie of the year was called As. And it was 90 minutes of it. And I watched the fucking video and I thought, wish there was another 90 minutes of it. And I watched the fucking video and I thought, wish there was another 89 minutes of that, to be honest, different assholes,

different types of farts. I went to see it in regular speed and then see it slow down. I love just over the years, Fod Rockers becomes butt faggers. It's just so, it's, that's what these dickless guys don't get. Everybody loves seeing people get fucking wrecked.

Yeah, yeah. That's what these shows are. Sam Hyde, this show, it's not about politics. It's about people getting wrecked. You can call in. Sometimes they get wrecked. Sometimes they do, sometimes they do great. Because that's the only way you can do,

that's the only way surprises happen anymore. You go to work, you just punch the fucking clock. There's no chance you're gonna win the lottery. There's no chance you're gonna save someone's life or stop another 9-11 from happening. It's just busting balls. That's the only thrill there is anymore. Just call in, bustin balls.

See if you get fucked with a little bit. See if you don't. That's the only thrill there is left. These guys don't get it because they don't want there to be any discord at all. Yeah. And they're comedy and they're talking about shit, even in their vocabulary.

We've got to water down our vocabulary such that it doesn't offend people. Oh, absolutely. So there you go. There's the cucked podcast from Cracked, explaining why they couldn't even have me on their show. How about some songs? Sure. Songs. we'll do the news Axel from Sweden sent this in remember did you did you meet him in Chicago? I believe it's from Stockholm. I think I did I made him tell me his name like three times like Axel is How you got to tell me that I get How was that was my name

Like Axel Rose It's a bing bong cover of the theme. Yeah, for the show Oh! What is this picture? I don't know, that's fucked up Swedish art. Dude, that is legitimate Scandinavian death metal remax. I think it will be speed Metal. That's a shirt. Ah, Metal. Scandinavian Metal from the birthplace of Black Suicide Capital of something... Sweden. A country of pain and death, it's darkness, and sorrow, and stoicism, the thousands of years. The middle of the flames of the mosch pit.

That's what the birthplace of the mosch pit really. It's what Metal Occolipses taught me. Yeah, that's what Metal Occolipses taught me too. Fucking bell. And Shes a Bingbong bell. Uh, Kimball sent in Maxwell Kimball sent in a big bang remix. Oh, he did. Oh, he did.

Oh, he did. He didn't believe in Jesus Christ. Who? Kimball. Oh, I know. I think he's probably. No, they believe in him. They just don't think he was the savior.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, Jamie, He doesn't believe in Jesus Christ. Dude, that guy's so fucking fun. Maybe just regular Jesus. There we go. It's from Maxwell actual kit bowl. It's called dick the show god So I do man

This one man buns were cool Somebody just your man bun in this day and age you would chop their fucking head right off Yeah, he's go Yeah, curb stompa with your wooden sandals. Yeah. God. Oh, Jesus. Some bitch gives you a side eye, some waitress.

Well, look at his man bun. You'd go, oh, I knew it would go. You would do one of those, ching. Like your eyes. Yes. And then you would just go, chop. And then there would be, you would just, pop, pull your sword out.

The little one, little sword. Chop. And then there would be a second, and everyone would go out the little one little sword Yeah, and then there would be a second and everyone would go oh And then her head would slide right off. Yeah, her whole body would slide in half. Yeah And then the show the guy would come in the dad would come out and go Oh, what happened to my daughter? Yeah, I'm gonna be like this the dis-dis-samurized man bun and be like, oh, fuck. And then he would kill himself for all the shame.

All the shame that they felt. Dude, that was really cool. Yeah, I wish they played this and that was the big, long show of my song. Yeah. Who knew that Kimball could do that? He's a man of many talents. Yeah.

That Kimball. Can I put like a request out there? I have a request too. I just want to make sure, or rather, I just want to know, who was the guy at Roar Ridge Chicago who after Tom's surrogate rage said kill yourself? Could probably Kimball. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. What's your request? I have a song. Whoever wants to take credit for that take credit for it because Diego was laughing all night. Oh, I know. Because that guy that came up. Tom McCoy said, I pulled his card and it was coconuts and he immediately goes, well, that wasn't for me. That was for my brother and someone just immediately goes, kill yourself. It was so funny. And at that point, the guy, the engineer up there had knocked the laptop out of record. I guess I found this all out afterwards.

So luckily we had the camera audio. So we had that part of the show. Otherwise it was gonna be like three minutes missing. I'm gonna give you a training course on how to chew people out, reactively. I didn't know what happened until the next day. I know, but I know on the plane. I know, but you're very nice.

And you have this problem of thinking everyone is as competent as you. You're like the opposite of me. Yeah, I'm gonna make you watch, analyze this, and analyze that. But why would the guy, why would the guy, knock his self record? I think he, I'm sure it was an accident.

Cause he was thinking about what gender he is. He was out here. Cause he wasn't afraid. That's true. If the second people aren't afraid of fucking up, they'd start thinking about total bullshit. Oh, I wonder how many Lego man I could eat before I got sick.

Like, oh, I wonder, I wonder what happened if my shoes were made out of ice. They just start thinking of bullshit. I don't want to pontificate that the rest of the show. Yeah. I wonder if I could skate on, I wonder if I could skate,

Paul Bunyan could skate two cars down the freeway. That would work. That's what they start thinking. Yeah. Okay, Jamie, do you have news? Well, I also, I have that song request. What song request? I've been wanting to I tried to do this myself, but I failed kill yourself Yes, well, it gets me every time I just really want to hear somebody turned your theme into a Mario paint like with wait someone did that no, they they did. Yeah, they did. Yeah, a couple

weeks ago here we do the do the Mario's. I'll find it. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So for the news, I did something a little risky. Um, risky or risky. Risky. I do risque things all the time. Um, risky. Risky. I do risqué things all the time. Um, so everyone I'm sure has heard. Uh, hey, by the way, Jamie got hit on by Ron Jeremy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ron Jeremy. I heard a little bit of old troll fucks that he pulled the ultimate fucking swap bait and swap on Jamie. Yeah. Uh, my first celebrity interaction face to face. And it was weird as hell. We were at the rainbow on sunset because Jamie's got a thing for like 70s rocks. Yeah, exactly the tour. Yeah. Me and Sean played here a bunch of times. No big deal. But you will probably love it. We go into the rainbow and immediately in the bar,

this little monster, like an ugly version of Danny DeVito that was the corner and it's like I to tits with Jamie and just goes, whoa, let me get a look at, let me read your shirt. What does your shirt say? Was that accurate? Yeah, that's accurate. I was wearing my LA shirt that I got from the Dodger.

LA, let me take a moment and read what the most iconic say, oh, I heart New York, let me get a look at that. I've never seen that before. Let me get a good look. I heart, yeah, there it is. I guess that means love. Yeah, that's a heart. That's a heart.

Well, check it out. Yeah. So I just like, I didn't even see him coming. I just like, I think he like touched my shoulder. Yeah, I'm sure. But I just like, I wasn't paying attention to all of a sudden. He's there in front of me staring at my tits.

And when I saw him, it's like I knew that it was him, but my brain was like short circuiting, so I'd never been up close to a celebrity before, especially not one that's staring at my tits, and asking me to read my shirt as a ruse. And so- You could ruse, though. I'm sitting there just trying to figure out

whether or not this is in fact Ron Jeremy, and whether or not this is actually happening Ron Jeremy and whether or not this is actually happening that he's staring at my tits and I am mute. I have like like a deer in the head like. Yeah, that's exactly how I felt. But you had a pretty funny reaction too though. Yeah. I was like, hey, no. Oh, I said, I was like, hey, no way. And then it annoyed me what he was doing. So I said, do you want to hey, no way. And then it annoyed me what he was doing.

So I said, do you wanna take another look? What was your name? Yeah, man, look, I got, great. I don't have a lot of anger problems. I don't have a switch off. That's good, quite good, that's good. It was just so funny. He started off like, oh, this is cool.

Why don't you fight off? I didn't need that. And then he and I still didn't say anything. And I'm sure he started feeling awkward. And so he just like walked away. But dude, it's like 70. Yeah. And so that was my first-

The older they are, the harder they fall, Sean. That's what a story for my first celebrity. I think you're. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I've been wanting to, okay. Okay, here you go. Nice. The Dixho theme, Mario Maker.

It's one of those fucked up Mario levels that people make. That's cool. Little Mario. This is available, you can see this at patreon.com slash the Dixho, by the way. See the videos of all the episodes. So far, this is now what I'm looking for. Okay, sorry, Jamie.

So what's this? Oh, whatever. Oh, it's pretty cool. Yeah. So on Mario Paint, they have a scale. And you can pick different little symbols and put them on there and some of them are oinks or planes or like burp and so you can. Burt more?

Yeah. And so you can make cool little off-shoot of thing-bong music. When I was a kid I used to do it and I would make smoke on the water was my favorite thing to. But I've been wanting to hear it and they've got emulators, but they're kind of like screwy and so I didn't have time to... Well, you talked about it though, it's just as good. So I want somebody else to do it.

Alright, let's get to some minutes. Okay. More time than you. Who's got more time than you. Oh, here we go. More time to learn or maybe already knows how to do it. Who's got? Listen. Yeah, go ahead.

Go ahead. Okay, so I'm going to start talking about Alabama because that's been all over everybody's news feeds. Yeah. I was going to look up information on the story so I could talk about it. Jamie's the news. But I just say what happened with the news. You do something different and I only asked the dickheads in the Facebook group. And so that's my only

source for this story. All right. Here we go. And so I had that makes it so simple. Read the news. You've seen Lacey do it a zillion times. You say what happened in the news. Okay. Okay. Here we go. This is what I was told Roy Moore was accused of sexually assaulting underage women like 30 years ago Yeah, given the age of the allegations. There's no real way to prove it But the women who accused him had convincing enough stories to dissuade swing voters to turn out for him Trump doubled down and supported more by extension made the election a referendum on Trump but he lost right Roy Moore lost. Roy Moore fucked up his own defense by saying all sorts of stupid shit like he didn't

often date underage girls, etc. Yeah. They they fucked up running him. Yeah. The left tried to use it to paint Republicans as rapists and anti women. As a result, the deep red state voted in a Democrat for the first time and forever, which puts the count to only 51 Republican senators, which jeopardizes Trump's agenda because his party is in disarray.

And a few of them won't back Trump's agenda. That was from Eric Wong. And I think that was the best wrap up of it. But it was very confusing to me because I couldn't figure out why anybody gave a damn about Alabama. Well, even though it's politics and it's the most powerful country in the world, the biggest economy, second biggest. So it's a big deal to some people, maybe not to you meeting porn stars at the rainbow,

but some people take the Senate races a little bit more seriously. Some people just pay attention. I don't get guys on Facebook to sum it up for them like junior college math homework. That's why some people are interested in it. My point is that I've never seen anybody flip out over a state Senate race on Facebook like this before. Yeah, because it was Sessions seed.

Right. Because it's a big fuck up. It's a big fuck up. Trump took a senator, put him in his cabinet, who's a big fuck up it's a big fuck up trump took a senator put him in his cabinet who is already a fuck up and replaced him with a democrat it's a big fuck up yeah for a guy that doesn't fuck up a lot mm-hmm yeah that's why is a real a real he really stumped himself so you himself. So you think it was a poor choice for a candidate? Oh, man. Yeah. Of course, he's, you know, he's diddling kids. I guess it's a pretty bad. That's a state where it's basically a given that the Republican is going to win. Yeah. So you can see how, you know,

how rare this is. And you got to say, piss right in your ran the wrong guy. If you lose as a Republican in the state of Alabama. Right. Yeah. Alabama. That's why. Yeah. So that was just it was very, I couldn't figure out for a minute why everybody gave a damn. Cause a lot of people care about, you know, politics and I know people care about politics. That's why everyone gave a damn. Because see, there's only like 100 people in the Senate. I've just never heard a bunch of people in Texas,

which is what my news feed is comprised of. Talk about the Alabama Senate race. Yeah, right. It was scandalous, too. Right. That's why. Isn't everything now? Everything scandalous? Everything scandalous now. There was another comment on here that I thought was worthy of saying.

Spiro, who see Yada says, news babe asked the people she's supposed to be telling the news to for info about the news. Okay, what's the next news story? Sorry. Read comments time. I thought it was pretty funny. Okay, so I grabbed this off of dictionary.com. They grouped together, Trump's favorite, most used favorite words and phrases of the year.

Huge, top of the list, clearly everybody knows. Huge, but the one that first caught my attention was bigly and it's because you told me a bad story about it You told me that it was coach That did the big Lee big league thing. What are you talking about? You mean which one it is What was he saying the first time I heard this story? It was him telling me that coach said big Lee and that's right What's the news? The news.

The news. Theme for the day. Yeah, what's the news? Just the facts, man. It's a funny news story because everyone is yelling at me about asking about actual politics. OK. And then they said, well, why don't you

look up something like a kitty bar like Lacey does So what's the politics news then for big Lee? So you what oh, well, that's not politics news It's just fun and funny my story was that you lied to me Because you said coach did that not Trump What you were trying to pull one over on me as usual? What are you talking about? You mean that he never said that Trump never said that? Like, yeah, he didn't say like he- It was just all coach. He said something, something bigly,

and then he laughed about it, and I was like, well, what is that from? And so he told me this, it's from Trump. He said bigly. Yeah, but he didn't actually say it. He said big league, and they made fun of him for saying bigly, but he didn't. But when I asked you, what's that from?

You told me it was from coach that coach said that and that he backtracked and said, oh, I said big league. No, he didn't backtrack. I don't know. Is the news your didn't understand a story about coach? No, it was just an anecdote. All right, Jamie. What is next? out. All right, Jamie, what is what is next? Loser moron. Oh, these are the Trumps. Yeah, the next news story. No, no, this is fine. Okay. So the thing with dictionary.com though is they, they seem to be pissed off at him for using all of

these words like stupid and loser and moron. And they say we hope. Fuck do they have an opinion? Yeah, they say we hope that these were even exist. Be used less in his second year. They're very concerned. Well, number one, not likely. No, two, you're a dictionary. Yeah. Who the fuck are you not a dictionary, either, your website that puts out a press release. So people will talk about whatever, but you can look up words on dictionary.com. It's an online dictionary, right? Nobody does.

You just put it into Google. Okay. People are more people go to urban dictionary than go to dictionary.com. That's probably true. Yeah. Another one was fake news, which is my lead into the second story.

Okay. Pope Francis says fake and sensationalized news is a very serious The king of fake news has a problem with fake news How's that for irony? Oh, how's that for irony? Oh my God. So that was to see you have a problem with well, so here's the story. It's pretty short Pope Francis

fucking Paul has criticized journalists who dredge up old scandals and sensationalized the news saying it's a very serious sin that hurts all involved. Francis who plans to dedicate his upcoming annual communications message to fake news told Catholic media on Saturday that journalists perform a mission that is among the most fundamental to democratic societies. He reminded them to provide precise, complete, and correct information and not to provide one-sided report. Yeah, you don't want to make anything, you don't want to sensationalize anything, right?

Like that a virgin had a baby. You don't want to sensationalize anything for attention. Do you, you fucking fraud, you gigantic fucking liar, and you're in every single day you wake up and you know you're lying. You know you're lying because you're at the top. You got access to everything you're running the most corrupt organization in the face of the fucking earth.

And you have the audacity to tell people not to sensationalize anything for money. For money, Sean. Uh, I'm the Pope. I'm Pope up my ass. I'm Pope HIPHICRITIS. And I got a message for everybody. Don't make shit up to get attention. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go talk to a bunch

of invisible fucking angels that give you ultimate pleasure for the rest of eternity after you die. If you live by these obtuse rules that- that- that- that a spontaneously burning bush told an old man three thousand years ago. But you guys don't exaggerate anything.

I'm gonna go back- I'm gonna go- I'm gonna go back into my golden fucking mansion In a giant walled city man fuck the pope Fuck the pope fuck the pope fuck the pope Fuck the pope. There's a little bit more than I'm sure you'll like this is actually news by the way. Oh good I'm glad. So what was the fake news? Like I'm glad. So what was the fake news? Like, I'm prambles or a phrase you mentioned. God damn it. I'm Christmas. You would say this. What a cock sucker. Trump's most used words. Oh, the Pope said you shouldn't fall into

the sins of communication, disinformation or given just one side, a colony that is sensationalized or defamation, looking for things that are old news and have been dealt with and bringing them to light today. What's a Satan side then? Lay off the Catholic priest jokes is what he said. Yeah, we got to get there. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, all these pedophile priests, nobody asked them what was going on.

Yeah. Yeah, you guys gave our Kelly a second shot. How can you not give our guys a second shot? So he closes out by saying everybody go read the book of say of the book of more lock, whatever. What is it called? What is it? No, no, the bad guy, Mo'Lock. What's say what Satan's Bible called? When he was done with this, by the way, for a second take on everything that happened in the Garden of Eden, go take a look at the book of Satan.

I should have. Yeah. He couldn't stop. He couldn't stop. He didn't stop. He called these actions a graves in that hurts the heart of the journalist and hurts others. Here's the second. Oh, and also here's a second take on abortion

and why it might be good sometimes. Did he do that? I think he actually has before. Okay. What a fucking asshole. What a fucking asshole. What a fucking asshole. What else you got? Okay, so my last one is actually about Texas.

And something I'm very ashamed of in Texas. Cauches Texas among last dates to okay medical marijuana. So basically Texas has passed a medical marijuana bill, but they did it in the worst possible way to where it's incredibly expensive for people to get into it and nearly impossible for the people who actually need it to get it. So it says when California rings in the New Year with the sale of recreational pot for the first time, Texas will be tiptoeing into its own marijuana milestone, a medical cannabis program so restrictive that doubts swirl over who will even use it. Texas is the last big state to allow some form of medical marijuana.

I'll be at an oil extract so low in the psychoactive component THC that it couldn't get a person high. Though it might seem that the Texas policymakers have softened their attitude towards the drug, bringing them more in line with the US population as a whole, they have not. A joint could still land you in jail in Texas and the state's embrace of medical marijuana comes with heavy dose of caution. I mean, you know how, you know how you know that, that no one cares about black people? Because everyone is flipping their shit over their fucking internet, costing $5 more,

but just millions of black dudes are in prison. For marijuana. For marijuana. It's ridiculous. That a bunch of women are wearing pussy hats on their heads because they're tired of getting cat called. And they don't and Trump seems like an uncle they probably had a bad experience with marijuana.

And that's not my problem. That's other people's problems. Fuck them. That's other people's dads talking about. I'm talking about me. The race war has already begun and it's called the war in drugs. The race war? That's what I think.

That it's all about that and not drugs. The race war was already won. When? The first time somebody invented an interest loan. That was when the race war was won. Continuous to be won to this day. So here's some of the things that Texas has done in this bill. They have the highest cost for entry, so let's see.

I think we get it. I think we get it. All right, fine. All right, thank you, Jane. Well, that's it. Thank you. Let me see here. I'm gonna play something from my room records. I'm gonna read some comments. How's that sound Sean? Sounds good. All right My room records guys great Hey Mad cucks, mad momma momma mad mad mad cucks Momma momma momma mad mad mad cucks Hi! I can't get these dickheads out of my mind And saw so mad cucks

And everyone in the world Oh, Jamie FB news What are you doing? I thought it would be funny Oh, Jamie. Facebook news. What are you doing? I thought it would be funny. To experiment after the do the ones that are normal and then throw in your spicy twist. That wouldn't be it. What if I said everybody's always trying to twist on me

Hey Jamie coming to read some news, okay, I'm just gonna add a little bit of my own flavor That's a good advice for life Just cool times do what are you supposed to people expect now? Oh, yeah. I feel real. I got some comments. Let's see here. I guess I should have been doing this before I ended the song, huh? Yeah. Whoops. Talking about Magic the Gathering last week, I meant the... I meant the breeding pit, not the throw pit.

Oh, I got to correct myself, public. Just got to be correct. Lord the pit needed you to sacrifice a creature every round or discard him. This is from Keck Seven Go. Hey, Dick, I've been depressed for a bit over a decade. Past few years have been much better for me, much and thanks to you, listening to your podcast made me realize that on top of my emotional problems,

whoa. I have been a gigantic pussy as well. Listening to your show made me realize that I need to stop pussy footing around and go ahead and go to that girl in my dreams and say, bitch, I fucking like you. Are we going to fuck or not? Now, first parts, first parts, good, good, good ish. And you know what? We did did and it was amazing. Hey, oh, it's nice. Good for you. You have been, oh, that makes me happy. You've been a, you've been an essential part of my path to healing. And for that, I cannot thank you enough.

The only thing I can do is throw money at you. As it is, how I am a firm believer in capitalism, believe gratitude is shown that his purest, what has mad ex done apart from killing a podcast that was near and dear to my heart and convinced he is a retard via his hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he goes on about Maddox. It's funny as the whole ordeal is speaking to a stereo. Maybe realize how real this is is equally real and fucking surreal as it is. It

angers me to no end. I hope you can keep going with a relative good spirit to get thank you for everything. Yeah, man, that is an important lesson. It's like, I think that's like the only thing I have ever regretted is just not walking up to a chick and making a move or saying anything. And I never regret the ones where I said something and looked

like an idiot or made a move and it did not work. And there's been a lot of that. There's a lot of girls that have a me too story about me. I'm sure. Well, I remember you saying a long time ago, you know, you always regret the things you don't do only with banging women. Yeah, I mean, you can certainly regret the things you do. But, you know, if you're thinking back, you go, God, what if I would have just done that? Because it takes no planning. Like, if you try to do your own business or something, you got to plan out the ass, but this is just, you walk up and you'd like this, like,

kek seven go, bitch, I fucking like you. Are we going to fuck or not? I wouldn't recommend saying that, if he said that better. Bet him, that's awesome. Then he's a hero, if you would say that. Yeah, I wish they would focus on that more on like kids cartoons. Yeah. Look, look, you just gotta walk up.

Bitch. Yeah. Like, all right, today we're gonna walk up and say, bitch, I fucking, are we gonna fuck her what? It just never goes away. Maybe just me. Uh, I'll see here There's no timing many's got a rape fantasy with Yeah Isn't that why that works even as a kid? Why that little setup works?

There's Peppy LaPue. I mean, he was a rapist for sure. But they can't get that anymore because it's been beaten out of everything of all entertainment. It's too offensive to exist. So they needed to make it up. They made themselves the entertainment. Let's see. Dr. Flores sent me some Bingbong music.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Great. Yeah, she does. He plays that kind of Bingbong. Oh. This is from Macon. Oddly enough, I know how you...

I know how you feel I've been there. My ex has been suing me in five jurisdictions across three counties. Jesus, for eight years now, even though she was barred from one of the court systems, I'm about 1.2 million in debt. She's done jail time and is being tried for setting up fake crime scenes to frame me. Yeah, so she's fucking, she's a psycho.

All I can say is I was a very forgiving and overly naive person who thought people could never be this horrible and they can. You gotta watch Braveheart, dude. That's Braveheart tells you exactly what people are all about. What I learned was hit them as hard as you can and when they're down, hit them harder because they'll never let up.

And you talk about Maddox here. If harder, because they'll never let up. And he's talking about Maddox here. If he wins, he'll never be enough. So make sure you can never catch a breath. As depressing as this might be to hear, you will never shake him. One of the latest suits that his wife, X, Y filed was 1200 pages. Oh, wait, no, this might be a check.

His writing is fucked up in the same way hers is, and it started with just a few pages. Never detract. If it's not quid valid, if it's not quizz, some legal speak. Yeah, there you go. Good luck. 1200? Yeah.

1200 pages. That's really bad. Well, he could get worse. I don't think this, once this gets laughed out of court, I don't think it's the end. Oh, I know. I don't think so either. No, no, it didn't. No.

If you're lucky. Because you can't stop one, you can't stop someone who believes that they are morally correct. Well, just that they, there's no question about it. Anybody who's that certain about anything is almost impossible to stop. You can't stop an addict. You can't stop a gambling addict.

Well, you can't stop. A normal person fucks up and they say, yeah, what was I doing? No, exactly. I, the court said this, the whole internet says I'm fucked, I'm done. But if somebody has, within them the propensity for addiction, like the reason they keep popping money into the slot machine, I'm talking in general, if somebody keeps popping money into a slot machine.

No one else can stop them. Yeah, like, oh, well, I got to, I put so much in, I've got to have my big payout, I've got to have my big fucking payout. Do any time. Yep. So go back to the first problem and listen to, listen to Maddox's first problem, it was family for a reason.

Yeah. There you go. Let's see here. All right, I think that's, I think that's good. Jamie, do you got anything you want to plug? Well, I think that Diagon needs to try that Mallort. Mallort, do you go got a tattoo that I made by now? Oh, really?

Do you want to show your tattoo off on the camera yeah on camera you know how uh like what's the spot right it's close to Jamie's possible right here yeah other the cameras are very gritty like the camera is very small angle like need it around here yeah yeah right there see there yeah what does I can't see very well though Like there Go backwards. Yeah, you have to take a picture of that. Yeah, I'll take it looks good. Yeah, looks cool It looks like it's better than I thought of what he asked me to do you go ask me to draw a tattoo after road rage LA I'll ship face right man. You wrote his name backwards. Yeah, I do that. I write things backwards

No, I know I remember yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember you. You did that. And I was like trying to figure out I took a card and you're like, you can read that. Yeah. I was like, yeah, it's easy. Yeah. I don't know. I love you. We can't. All right. Matt Miller did it. You killed it. Did he? Yeah. Matt Miller. Yeah. Matt Miller. Is it a great job? He even got your your fucked up lines and the fucked up I know that. Is it a great job? Even got your fucked up lines and the fucked up eye in a lab. That's a great job. Great.

Let me see here. I'm going to play this song by Thermoptic. It's been the Dix show. Jamie got anything? Need to plug? Yeah, actually, I have a new website. OK. Now that I'm out here in LA, kind of doing my own thing,

I am doing online meal plans and workouts also in home personal training. And so if you just go to jmelinhews.com. Any massages? No, no massages. Okay. But the online digitally delivered meal plans and workouts, something I've done a long time ago. I'm getting back into, so I'm excited to start that, especially now at the end of the year, people are about to start getting back into it. What's the website? J.M.E.L.N. Hughes.com. Oh, pretty easy to remember. So, yeah. So, if you were a fat ass and you want to, if you want to get all your meal planning done at the beginning of the week, you'll get this and it'll be like what a list you make this.

Yeah, so shopping list, but also I work with people on what kinds of foods that they do and don't like. And kind of just like help them come up with something that matches their tastes and also their lifestyle. And I, as far as what I particularly like to do and who I like to work with, I like working with people who have no idea what the hell they're doing. Because you can really rape them with price, right? Definitely. Exactly what I have. That's what I've done.

We've all been there. You know. So it's like having a wife without all the bad parts. It's a price with like the yapping and the sex and the in-laws. It's just the making the food and paying. So, do you make the food for them? Well, so if there are people who are in this part of L.A., like North L.A., that is a service that I've been thinking about doing, going in and helping people like shift their lifestyle to kind of fit

in fitness and also kind of make it to where it fits in with their lifestyle as well. But that would be more of like an elite service. But just to get, I can still, I still help people over like the phone, over Skype with their meal plans and their workout plans and stuff like that. So. All right. Thanks, Charlie Rose. Yeah. Getting that straightened out.

Yeah. Just trying to help you. Yeah. Dick show, Dick.Show, thedickshow.com, patreon.com. So that's the Dick show. Merry Christmas. See you next Tuesday. See you by Thermoptic.

Ooh, cool. Those are the roll-inset of electronic drums. Yeah, dude. That's it. It's called Nothing Ever Works. Fuck ups. This is the bad part. Oh, I got a Facebook news. Oh, that's cool. I'm fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking Yeah, they have little, little deals on them. Okay.

Let's get to some Facebook news. They're at. I'm glad how this guy is always delivers every week with the Facebook Captain Jackass. Yeah. Great. Hello, Dick. And hello, Dick heads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days.

In a real life episode, a big brother, Teresa French nickel, maybe getting voted out of her house for pulling a gun on her roommate. She was the clock to defend herself against a rapie roommate who has a hard time understanding boundaries. Kyle McLean asks, why are all the women in this group fucking insane? Speaking of insanity, Lizzie Krogan, known for her creepy somewhat genuine sexual obsession and objectification of Dick, has raised with the Dixiel Facebook group And in nine-picture collage with the Dixiel Facebook groups finest Lizzie was included with the caption

Undress as you with one eye scopes out your medicine cabinet with the other Wow, that's rude. Completed about being objectified and then left the group thereafter And lastly some relationship updates on Dickhead's. Jesse Winters is back together with a girl who's in the middle of a cycle word. And Ian Eisenberg has broken up with the Jehovah's Witness, whom he was considering marrying last month and a post that he made with a group. Supposedly, the situation religiously with her and her father became too burdensome and he had to call it quits.

This has been the Dixiel Facebook Room news for the last couple days. Good update. Lizzie is my favorite member of that group. Yeah, I saw that post that you quit over. That's a bummer. Mine was the only one that didn't have a funny like mean caption. I was disappointed. Yeah. Well, you didn't quit over it. I almost did. Lizzie's back by the way. Oh, good. Yes, very good.

You're talking about your neighbor's dog who won't shut the fuck up. Yeah. And kind of reminded me of a story of my own I had back when I was in college. I had a neighbor who'd leave her dog outside. Thing thing, little dog just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I googled it one day how to make your neighbors aug shut up. And I found people talking about dog whistles, things like that. I was a poor college student. I didn't have any money for fucking dog whistles.

So I found on YouTube a spence of what I had. They're like five to five. The audio of money for fucking dog whistles. So I found on YouTube a fan of her. I had like five times the audio of a high frequency dog whistle. So I opened my windows, I put my money back, I was over here, and I blasted that fucking thing, and that dog was so fucking confused. Nice. It was running in circles. It's a great idea.

Yeah. It had sideways looking all over the place. It was the funniest thing ever. And after a while, the neighborhood came outside and she's like, what's wrong with my dog? Why is he so confused out here? So she finally realized that something was up. So she quit letting the dog go outside and it's fucking nice.

That's fucking great. Are we even funnier? She takes it to the vet and has a split to sleep. Or just gets all medicated, like the dogs all doped up. Just thinks it's like anxiety or something. Just dogs on quailudes. Quailudes. That guy has the same dumb voice that Keon uses.

Oh yeah. There's a couple different varieties of dumb voice that he has used. That's pretty good. Just find a high frequency online and just blast it out. I'm gonna, I'll spring for the dog whistle. Yeah, fuck I got money. You have a thing you gotta actually do it. You know, you got speakers. Are you fucking do it? That sounds like fun. I guess so. I don't know. I think it's pretty fun. They're not there and just walk and then just walk away. Yeah. Oh shit. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah, I keep that'm worried about collateral damage

from other dogs in the neighborhood. You've got coyotes too. I have coyotes too. Do coyotes work on the same frequency as dogs? I'm not sure, but I would assume they're close. So then I'm gonna get raped by coyotes if I do your plan. Well, you think they're gonna come? I think they're not gonna like it.

I'll forget to turn, I'll get drunk and forget to turn it off. And then they'll come in the middle of the night and break into my house and steal my shit. Yeah, that's the most likely scenario. I got to the grocery store because I'm hungry. It's fucking all of a sudden. Grand Junction fucking decided to stop selling sticks of pepperoni and it's all sliced. Oh boy.

Real straight man can eat slices of pepperoni out of any like one at a time. I'm in these little meat wait for their delicious I think a big old fucking bite eat like a real fat fucking kid But now all I do is sell that shit and slices now So I asked him like hey, what we're gonna get it? Oh, it's this daily. Go to the deli. That was in the meat department I searched that whole book so it looks like I can either eat these little dick wait first Or I can find something no probably of pound of cheese like eight that shit. Mother fucker. See you next Tuesday. Damn. Yeah. It worked up over pepperoni. Well, it's

like it's a good snack. Yeah. The chopping part is very important. It's like getting shilled pistachios. You should feel like a real degenerate eating just a handful of pistachios and doing the work. I'm still eating the pistachios, but I guess I enjoy a lot of food hookers. Yeah, it's pepperoni's not... Because each pepperoni slice is special. Sometimes you want a big meaty crouton size pepperoni to chew into. You don't just want these like... You don't need that particular, you won't get like a salami, even though it tastes nearly the same. Look, you don't want the pepperoni to be like a

listerine strip where you put it on your mouth and it dissolves. And that's because, yeah, I know, because the pre-slice pepperoni is designed for brads, because it is really thin. Regular pepperoni is not safe for women. They don't understand it, because it looks too much like a dick. So they have to get it chopped up so they can pretend that there's some kind of a there was some kind of a sheet of pepperoni that somebody took a cookie cutter to and stamped these dick wafers out of exactly like you said.

That's our way of pretending that it's not a dick shaped food. That you're not submitting to it any kind of a penis anywhere at any time. I'm not I'm not going to eat even if you chop it up I won't eat it. You have to put an entire layer of production in between it. It's bullshit. Now I know a little bit more about myself. You know what? That's why I know that church is bullshit too because they serve those stupid communion wafers instead of pepperonis. It's like nobody in church ever thought to replace that bowl of weird moths or crackers or whatever with some pepperonis.

I would fucking go, I'm not saying I would go to church, but I would not hate it if I could walk up there and eat. At least I got my pepperoni. You at least drive, you know, drive by for a quick stop. If you're hungry on the way home from the bar. I'd hop. Yeah, I'd hop in. I mean, are you guys, you guys got any more pepperoni left?

No, you're busy molesting boys. And I'll stop by later. Yeah, yeah, I'm, that's fake news though. Oh, I can't, I can't believe the Pope. What a prick. We can't be telling. What do you call it? A deep sin to make shit up. Very serious sin.

To make shit up. Yeah. So they should like fact check it and they should not talk about it unless they're sure that it happened. Mm-hmm. Right. Or else what? It's, it's a grave sin that hurts the heart of the journalist and hurts others.

He's concerned about their hearts, Dick. He's concerned about journalism and generally, Sam. Oh, man. Concerned man. Every time that guy fucking talks. I don't think he can top himself. And you guys dress stupid. That's the next hope.

And also, you're wearing his ridiculous. stupid. That's the, that's the next hope. And also, you're, what you're wearing is ridiculous. Yeah. That's also offensive. And stop begging for money. I have an ad blocker. Don't tell me to turn it off because begging for money is a sin. That's next, right? The Pope choose out journalism. But, don't put, if I haven't... They have to outlaw their stewardship servants. They would have to outlaw a lot more than that Here's the Christmas one

Hey dick what's up, dude? This is Kyle Morons of Michigan You know makes me rage fucking Christmas Fucking Christmas. Yeah, I hate everything about this guy dancing Yeah, it's the fucking last month of the fiscal year and my Command soul lady wanted to then fucking 1,200 bucks type of shit on some motherfucking presents it hits me all It's not damn bad. I'm like, listen, bitch, I already spend 35 hundred bucks a month for your and mine and the kids living expenses a month. So why

the fuck do you think I want to attack? Why would I want to attack another 500? Even if it's 200, go fuck yourself. Yeah, I can't say that How about you get a second job bitch? I don't even believe in God. I don't believe in Santa. I don't believe in any of the bullshit It's strictly for children Exchange if the Christmas is for fucking children. Yeah, I think it would be everybody would be a little happier and people probably killed themselves a lot less this time of year No, she can't agree. No, that's a kid's shit. No, it's a kid's shit. Let's leave it to the kids.

The adults don't need to be fucking present. We're goddamn adults. We don't need to be placated through life like a bunch of fucking children. Don't buy any of the gifts unless you're about to get a blowjob for it. Alright, go fuck yourself. Yeah, it is about the money. It's just all about the money, Sean. Yeah.

All of Christmas. It's just about the fucking money. Just keeping your eye on that credit card bill and wincing in advance. Like, man, I know where you're going to be at at the end of the month. And I am already dreading it. Fuck. And he's gonna be at at the end of the month, and I am already dreading it. Fuck. And he's right, it's the end of the fiscal year. That pre-regret.

It's the pre-regret. Yeah, pre-regret. How about, how about you, he's talking to his wife, how about you just store up money? I believe he was talking to someone named Bitch. Bitch, yeah, talking to his wife, how about you just store up money? I believe he was talking to someone named bitch. Bitch, yeah, talking to bitch. Bitch, how about you store up money all year so that we can have this fight at every stage of the way

instead of you railroading with me with it at the end of the year when I'm at my weakest. That's how they get you. You're weakest. Because yeah, you've already exhausted all of your cheat and your semen throughout the whole year. But that's why you just answered your own question. That's why she did.

Yeah, but it's good planning. It's good fiscal planning to start at the beginning of the year to have a separate account like, okay, well, it always fucks, I always get fucked at X amount. So we're gonna fight about it every day. You're gonna put two dollars into the account or three dollars or five dollars in this guys case. And we're gonna have, we're gonna have that conversation

every day because that's how it feels to me at the end of the year all at once. Every day, you're gonna take five dollars out of my clenched fist like Kung Fu, the legend continues. If you can take this $5 out of my hand, you can put it in your fucking Christmas fun. You can buy lights, you can buy the kids a bunch of plastic shit made in China

that they're just gonna throw away that you can easily get used. You can easily fucking get you. Hey, that's a good service, a re-rapping used shit. So it looks new. Because all of that, all children's toys are instantly garbage. Yeah. You buy them whatever, the $50 Paw Patrol play set,

as soon as they take it out of the box, instantly garbage. It's amazing how games and toys from like our childhood, the same ones, they're made so crapily now. It's incredible. My niece is, I went there and they're all jingly and jangly. Do you remember when you were a little kid? Do you remember hungry, hungry hippos? I still have that motherfucker.

Okay. When I was a kid, it still fucking works. Of course it does. It eats the marbles. It's all made out of plastic, but it was very thick plastic that could take a beating full of lead. Probably. My nieces brought out hungry hungry hippos. It is the most thin.

Can you smash through it in a plastic piece of shit? No, you actually, first of all, it's not level. If you put any pressure on the hippos to make them eat, it tilts the entire game. The plastic is so shitty and all the Bargain is rolling inside. No, it's fucking it's it's it's incredible how shitty these things are made. Tonka trucks. That's another one joke We had metal ass Tonka trucks. Yeah, not anymore. No shitty plastic. It's all shit. Yeah, this guy's got to drop 1500 bucks. He's got to drop a tenth of a Bitcoin on it. Yeah

Shit, this guy's got a drop, $1,500. He's got a drop, a tenth of a Bitcoin on it. Yeah, Bitcoin. Here's, I got a funny one for you. My mom found yesterday, my mom was looking around in the closet for stuff for a little Irishman to play with at least over at their house. It loves Legos. And she found a Christmas present that she failed

to give me really 30 years ago. It was hidden. Yeah, she called me up and she goes, son, you have a, you have a box of Legos in the closet that's not all men. That's not open and a little, a little man wants to know if he could play with it. What the hell are you talking about? I don't use, I don't store unopened toys in your house. It's a fuck are you blathering odds? Give it a, give it a look. Send me a picture. I got a good memory for my it a look. Send me a picture. I got a good memory for my toys. Yeah.

Send me a picture. I don't know who that is. She opens it up and saw brand new. Still in the box, still in the packs of Legos. I was a Lego maniac. No way that would have gone, you know, unplayed with. So I said, give a look at the date on the copyright, right? Yeah.

19 fucking 88. Wow. Hidden in the closet for 30 years. Wow. Yeah. He got it for you when you were eight years old. Yeah. No, no branding, no licensing, no bullshit on it.

Just a little, little man going to his forest hideout, a forest man. That's what it was like a forest setting. Yeah, forest man, castle town setting. Legos are fucking great, man. Yeah, if you can get this five bucks, you're going to water it up into a little ball. If you can take it and you both grease yourselves up every night. You grease yourselves up in oil, and you wad up a five dollar bill, or whatever, whatever budget you're on,

a dollar, a dollar, a couple cents, maybe a hundred. Sounds erotic. Oh yeah, that's what, yeah, that's, it's either, well yeah. There's gonna be contact. It depends what your bitch's strategy is to get that money out of your hand. Here we go, you just put it right in front of her face.

This is Christmas. How much do you, how much do you like Christmas? As you always say, it's so much. Let's see, right here. And the jar is just oily money, wads of oily money. This is pretty gross. There's a new Christmas tradition that I'm starting. Yeah. Sounds like marital bliss.

Yeah. You know what? It's better than watching the fucking voice every night. Yeah. Hey, you know what makes me a rage? Women that can't come. So... Can't won't. I pick up a year old and I'm giving her my best moves. You know. Can't won't And I'm giving her my best moves You know Countless times before countless I bet you can count

Countless nothing nothing So I don't know what's going on there and That's how they manipulate you can't be him All right, he worked all the best moves. There's no way it's not him. Diego, they use dildos to get off. You technically don't have to do anything and they can come.

It's the, okay. Don't try to shame him. Like he's doing something wrong. Like that Christmas guy. Like I guarantee you, the Christmas guy can just go, bitch, come. And she instantly understands them. They could do that at any time.

Women are very sexual beings. They could come at any time and they can't shut the fuck up about it too. Oh man, I'm so sexual. Like I can just be in my car and going over a gravel road and all the time. It's like, oh yeah. So where was that last night?

Like you're just sitting there. They like watching you exhaust yourself. They like it. That's what gets them off because they're sick. This is sick. That's what Jamie, that's what it is. I've got your number. I've got women's number.

Yeah. I know what they're up to with their fake Or they sneak like six by Like they're coming every couple seconds. I'm like did you come yet? Like oh no Cuz you can't fucking tell great so don't don't don't believe that shit and don't feel bad. They can come at any time They're just holding out For me do placidous reasons You know that that's true What's full of shit get on that microphone. What's full of shit about that that you just believe that they can just

Snap it out just like that. Yeah. No. Right. You think Sean and me and Diego can right here? No. Absolutely not. Takes a lot of work. It's much more difficult for a girl. False. Instantly.

Just think about Christmas lights. Oh my god. They're doing their driving around looking at Christmas lights. Think about grabbing that $5. Yeah. They're not in a head. Boily sweaty five bucks. They'll be a think. That out of the head. The oily, sweaty, five bucks. It'll be a marble.

And if you don't get it tonight, we're doing the same bill the next night. It'll be even oilier. It's a good way. It's a good way. Hey, Dick, I'm thinking about taking Zoom the classes. Yeah, good thought.

I think it's because I want to be a good dancer and I want to lose weight. And I bet I can be some archer. Is he crying? Should I take the lesson? He has some kind of... Absolutely. Absolutely. Should we take this a little like quiver in his voice.

That's fine. He's making the call. No, he could. No, his voice. That's fine. He's making the calls. Oh, yeah, it could. No, maybe he's jacking off with making the calls. We're not absolutely take the zoom but classes. Oh man, you go, you go into those fucking Pilates. I used to do, you know, bar cardio bar Pilates classes.

You go in there, you're like fucking fog horn, leg horn. I was like, this chicks will fawn over you. You are the rooster in the hen house. You go in there, you're like fucking foghorn leghorn. This chicks will fawn over you. You are the rooster in the hen house. You know what I'm saying? The foghorn leghorn. Is it the inner dog horn? Yeah, yeah.

Foghorn leghorn? Yes. You're the badass. He was the only cock in the whole farm. That's true. He got so much ass, he was fighting dogs, dude. Yeah. That's how much of a buster he was fighting that little chicken hawk,

that little motherfucker. Yeah, that was the right. Oh, that guy, he was trying, he was actually more trying to mentor the little chicken hawk. He talks like he fucks. Fogger leg horn is like that. Stuttering? No, he talks like a guy who fucks.

Oh, gotcha. I just said he, oh, gotcha. That guy has fucked twice already today to be talking like that. Yeah. Yeah. And walking like that. Assaults sticking out. He fucks the most out of all of the looney tunes. Oh, corn leghorn fucked the most. Who do you think is second?

Speeding in solace. Speeding in solace. Oh yeah. Brrr. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Then slow poker dream.

Yes. Yeah. See. Was there any gay lunatics? Marvin the Martian probably who's a little. I'm big was. He had like a skirt. What? Yeah, he had a two to it. Bit of big was. Mar like a skirt the what yeah, he had a two two big was

Marvoth oh ambiguous Maybe serious is right yeah, but what about the problem being you? I can't believe you would make you take his luggage. I mean, I tell you I will tell it to the Airbnb. I don't really know. That's it. I don't understand it. What he couldn't have if I didn't notice he had a bag, it couldn't have been that big.

Just just the disrespect. That's just the, hey, you, you take my bag over here. It's like it's Diego. Why don't you just sit with your luggage at the bar? Why are you, he's got other shit to do. Yeah. Well, I hope I take it to the Airbnb, but I never heard it say. I never heard it say.

Like, oh, this is where I have the stuff that I will be taking to a theater. And I thought he kind of went back to his senses and was like, hey, you know what? This hotel wasn't really necessary. I'm just going to stay the Airbnb with the rest of the guys. But what? What it was. All right. Do the do the Zumba. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, it should call with updates like they're saying in the chat because yeah, call back in because it's it's not look, it's not them and don't, Dictive. I don't know if I have a theme music for Dictive.

Don't try to fuck the girls in the class because then you fuck up the class forever. You try to fuck their friends. That's what you do. And if you don't have, if you don't have a lot of self-esteem, or you're just getting started, try to fuck the ugly ones.

You're the friend will like you. The girl in the class will like you for doing it cause they're always trying to get a charity lay for their aggos, you know? Yeah. And you start to spread your legend. The legend. Yeah.

I hope this guy does that and calls back. Definitely take the Zumba class. And don't, don't, don't, don't be, don't do cute jokes either. You're very serious about- And don't do that wavery voice. Jamie, okay grandma, who are you telling people out there voices sounds back, huh?

Maybe that's how he talks. Well, Denise should have worked on that. I thought he was crying. This is a tip from a girl. Okay. It's worthy of being mentioned. Okay. How do you work on your voice? I've yet to figure that out.

You know what? I saw in Montel Williams how you can change your voice. Oh. You, so you got your diaphragm, right? Not your birth control. Your diaphragm right not your birth control Your diaphragm is under your ribs. Yeah, you know Sean what I'm talking about. Yeah, it's that right like right Right, I'm touching myself right under where my like right under my ribs in the middle of my stomach Yes, like right you can feel it if you start wiggling you got that's good

That's just stomach, but if you just go if you go If you go up a little bit and you start. Oh, you got to that's gut. That's just stomach, but if you just go, if you go up a little bit and you start, oh, you got to really relax, even though it feels like weird, but relaxing like that. It feels unnatural, but you can start hitting where your actual diaphragm is. And the guy, the voice coach on Montel Williams that I saw, because this guy had a really high-pitched voice. And Montel Williams was trying to fix his high-pitched voice

so he brought in a voice coach. And he was like, it was hilarious. Was it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You go and like talk and also hammer on your diaphragm to loosen it up.

Huh. Like, you go, uh, it'll make over time. You do that and it'll make your voice drop. That guy sound any different later did it work Yeah, you like the girl the yo bitch know what it do you know what you guys name was Very white Likely I I'm not a bully like Tony

Wait what this guy I was in her hair. It says I'm a bully Wait, what? What? This guy, Alexander Herrick says I'm a bully. Yeah. I'm not a bully. And see in the mat said it did sound like he was crying. It did. OK. OK, you're not a bully.

Don't hurt me. I did. Spicy Tony, no, it's outrageous this week. Upstairs neighbors. I don't know if this family just had a kid or if the kid just learned to walk. But it's a little bastard bastard stops around at every hour every fucking hour of the night Get a dog west might think I'm exaggerating, but I am not Literally at 4.30 in the morning. This fucking kid will be running the length of our apartment

To back and forth back and forth. I'm not joking. 4 30 in the fucking morning. It'll be it's like the kid needs to be on a fucking leash. He just runs back and forth back and forth. Sometimes they put him in one of those things that helps them walk because then you'll hear him rolling back and rolling back and forth. It drives me fucking crazy. Like what are your kids supposed to be in bed? Why? Why you still fucking awake? Let me get down. I'll say.

Late term abortion. Retroactive, retroactive abortion. They sound like those parents who just they don't use the word no with their kid. Like if he wakes up, you know what? You remember me that with speakers? Well, one of you turned out fine. The other's a fucking psycho path. So I'd give it 50, 50.

You can fight back on that. What do you do? What do you mean? Point your speakers towards the ceiling, turn your music up. Yeah. Anytime you hear it. But then like,

what's the kids not supposed to walk at all? Not a four-ththree in the morning. Damn. Maybe he needs some milk. He's sitting in his crib and he's like, I gotta get some of them, some of that titty milk. Yeah, he hops up out of bed, trundles on over, he's gotta get his little motorcycle,

little toddler cycle. But he's running back and forth. Yeah, you can keep him from just, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty legit rage. I moved from a fourth floor to like the top floor because it was just so fucking annoying, man. Just like either the dog or them

or the building, you should be looking. They should be looking, if you know you have a kid, and it was probably is gonna piss off some people, but I feel like it would be considerate of you to look for a first floor apartment because you know that what you're going to do to the people below you. It's almost like you don't even care.

Yeah, but then the people above you were gonna be annoying. It depends on the building. No, necessarily if they don't have kids. Yeah, they're still gonna be annoying. They're gonna play their music. Yeah, but less annoying than bon bon bon bon bon bon all day every day.

But it's not you. So fuck them. You know. No, I don't know. Sex though. Yeah, it does. It like tired, dude. You got a move spicy Tony. Oh Hey the big show What's up? What's going on with this? Technology thing, right you think

You get like cool cars all our cars with gay like stupid bubbles You think you get like, nice houses, but everything just costs too much and still breaks. You even make the movies, man. Movies in a 30 fucking years ago, let's remake the movie, the same fucking movie, and say it because you didn't introduce your kids to Star Wars.

And we're just gonna remake it. It's like, even the movies, they just, like, why is everything just stuck? Yeah. A lot of things suck. I don't like so. I don't argue in here. Star Wars movie, you gonna see that shit?

It's not a Star Wars movie. I mean, I'm, why not? Because it's like not made by any of the, because it's not from the 70s. And that's when Star Wars was made. It's like not made by any of the, because it's not from the 70s, and that's when Star Wars was made. It's like if they made a Beatles song right now. Like yeah, I get that you listen to the Beatles a lot, but it's not a Beatles song.

We made it. One album, part two. Disks three and four. Why don't you cram those right up your ass? That's not interested in at all. Interesting point. Yeah. Even if the same guys came back, they're not, you're not the same guy. 30 years later, 40 years later.

No. Yeah. It's stupid. It's a Disney movie. Thank you, Cordelia. This is a loose those down here now with Emma. You know what makes me a rage is women feeling the need to just randomly embarrass the shit out of you for no I mean really for no reason. Just randomly embarrass the shot. I say that because I just got back from the gas station and so I'm at the gas station filling up and there's multiple people

there. All of us men filling up our vehicles. And this old man comes out of the store and he's walking back from the store. He's about a hundred feet from the truck. And for some reason his wife finds it necessary to open the door of the truck, stand on the running boards, and just go look at him and go from across the fucking parking lot. Hey baby, did you go PT when you were in the store? And then the old man He's the bear's is the shit out of him He looks at me and and I'm not even laughing. I'm just looking at him with that same stare like why the fuck

Why the fuck do women find the need to just embarrass you in public? I mean, yeah, did you really ask a guy to put his The store for a man. What's wrong with you? Why do women do that? They why? Because Roy Moore is the bad guy somehow You think some 14-year-old girl's gonna stand on her running board and ask Roy Moore if you went peepee Wow, yeah Go peepee in there? Hey, let me have a talk with you for a minute.

Yeah. That's what you need. You got to get that, hey, why don't you have that at the car? You need to get your Chris Hanson down. Every man needs that move. Come here, let me talk to you for a minute. Have a seat. So what did you think you did?

What did you think? What do you think that you did? Yeah. With the peepee thing. Oh, you know, I just wanted to know if you were pee and I just got it in me. Is it? Okay, okay, calm down.

What did you say? Why don't you just have a seat, calm down. And we have you on footage on camera asking about the P.P. And you're smiling like a jackal. You're smiling like a jackal lantern so you know that it was funny. Oh, no, I was like, I thought of a thing

you have a funny joke. Oh! Like unless this guy had some sort of, you know, Alzheimer's or something like that, if he was, you know, mentally capable, then you don't think the guy could figure out whether he needed to piss or not. Right? I mean, he didn't know that he was old, maybe that was kind of like a, just making sure,

maybe they're on the road trip. Well, then he shouldn't have been allowed in the convenience store if he didn't have that kind of mental capability. Standing on a car, screaming about peepee. Yeah, we've all been there. You're going to probably approach the guy. Yeah. Well, women always airing your medical ailments.

Oh, really? Yeah, they're always trying to make you look weak with your medical issues and excretions. Oh, you'll never guess what someone's like, hey, da, da, da, da, easy, easy. Yeah, that. And then you turn them and then they're like, so I'm not in trouble when you're Chris Hansening them. And then you just, no, no, you're free to go.

And then all the other guys of the gas station tackle them, tackle her and put her under arrest. Tackle an old woman. Well, yeah. All right, there you go, that's the show everybody. Thanks everybody.