The Dick Show - Episode 83 - Dick on Policing Language

Episode Date: January 2, 2018

#NotMyShower, Policing Language of Dehumanization, The Waut3rgate Leaks: Part II, unbelievable loading spinners, Maddox's Christmas Lights, 10-round magazines, exact change, manipulative popups, a reimagining of Aeosp's Fables, Don't Walk...Run, "hehe", megalomania, destroying small businesses, and Dickles; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Okay, ready? Sean is gonna be a good year. I'm feeling that way. Is that thing? You're gonna be pretty. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Ah! You need dick. You love dick, you want dick, you got it. It's the only show where everything is a contest

coming to you live from a concrete bunker in the side of a mountain. I'm your host, the $20 million man. The one and only, $20 million man, Dick Masterson, with me is always Sean. The audio engineer. Have a new year, Deke. What's up buddy?

Happy new year. Happy new year. It was, Sean, it's been a whole year since I've seen you. Hey, see you next year. Are you just trying to make that joke before somebody else does and you have to kill them? Yeah. See you next year. Oh, yeah.

I hope not. I remember seeing an accentuary. If you have a fucking aneurysm before then, just for that joke, preferably in the next five minutes. And I'll remember you forever. I'm going to put that on your tombstone. That joke. See you next year.

The guy died of it. So I never did. And then I erected another tombstone for him, my own novelty tombstone. And I said, here lies, and I paid more for it than his actual one. How's that for irony? So everyone thinks that that's the real one.

And it says, here's was his last words. See you next year. And then in parentheses, it's, and it was December 30th, when he said this, dot, dot, dot, what an asshole. And parentheses. Really nice like granite or marble. Really? Oh, the finest.

Yeah, only the finest for me. Only the finest. An asshole like that. Welcome to 2018. It's finally 2018. What are you wearing? What do you mean? What's the red thing on your wrist? Oh, it's a fucking hair tie.

Oh, you never seen a hair tie before? Not like that. Excuse me, not like that. This is a man-sized hair tie, because it's so big. You should say, no, it's just it. It's an elastic hair tie. You used to see in them a little, you know, not used to seeing one on a man. Foofear. Oh yeah, I don't know. it's just it's a last to caretie. You used to see in them a little, you know, not used to seeing one on a man.

Foofear. Oh yeah. I don't know. If you fuck up hair ties, since having long hair, I've had a lifetime of chick hair learning to do in a couple of years. True. And chicks are not, it's not like,

it's not like if you want to learn about a car or a gun where you just go outside your house and then you whisper, what's the best kind of gun for the home self defense? And then you'll have five million assholes in camo, in khaki shorts with 20 pockets and hunting knives, two knives on them at the same time, all shouting at you about shooting for center mass and stopping power and the 10 millimeter glock and how it was the 10 millimeter is the best gun. But then the FBI instituted it and the women FBI members couldn't handle the recoil. So they nerfed the bullets.

They put less gunpowder in the bullets. So they ruined the weapon and that's all this is, it's not like that with long hair. With long hair, you could be sitting in a room full of women, room full of women. Have long hair their whole lives. And you say, God, my hair sure is frizzy and full of knots. You will not get one suggestion on how to fix that. Really? You'll get, oh, is because there's so many different suggestions?

Or there's absolutely none. Or there's no, there's no, there's truly none. That's the glass ceiling. Oh, because you go in there offering a problem, you get no. So I've had to figure this shit out on my own. And one of them is that these elastic hair ties are they fuck your hair up less. Really? Yeah, sorry, just become a distraction.

I had to know. Anyway, 2018 weed is legal. Yeah. Weed in California is totally legal. Under nouns. I'm going straight after this show, so I'm not hung over it all, straight to a dispensary, and I'm gonna be like Santa Claus

if we'd walking out of there. Probably open too, huh? Oh, they gotta be open. They gotta be open. They gotta be ready to rake in those sales, man. Yeah. Uh, let's see, New Year. What makes me rage about the New Year? Uh, I got some predictions.

I got some predictions for 2018. Um, we've got a, we've got a fresh land around of Watergate leaks. Maddox has blessed us with a fresh, heaping pile of leaks. Yeah, I have a form of transcripts from a completely insane person. I heard a little bit about that. Read it on Pactus. Yeah, that's a, it should be just recent. Or is this, I don't know, I think it's from last March, but oh my God, is it insane? from last March, but oh my god is insane. Oh my god

is it insane? It's like like criminal psychology is all the rage now with that mine hunter show, mind hunter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Figuring out the mind of a of a of a of a complete fucking weirdo. It's every word, it's so dense, every word is packed with pathology. We're gonna unpack it. It's fucking nuts. Mad Cux is gonna call in. I don't think, I don't think Waterboy got the message. I asked him to call in and read his half,

but I don't think he got it. Let me see here. New years, you got any New Year's resolutions? No, I don't do those. I don't do New Year's resolutions. Because if it's that important, you'll use resolutions? No, I don't do those. I don't do new resolutions. Because if it's that important, you'll just do it. No. You'll just do it.

I never will never subscribe to the New Year's resolution thing. I see no point. You need to do it. Or we're gonna put you on an ice flow and send you out to see. Well, that's... You need to just say... Ultimately, that's what I want. Sean, no.

So that's, I'm fine. You need to have one to be part of the society. There we have. Okay. Because it's hard. Life's hard, and it culminates in a season that rings the blood out of your stones, in the forms of tolerance and gifts. So, such that you have none left, you have nothing left but fumes to lurch over the

line just to throw up because you so hung over on January 1, which is today. So such that you have none left, you have nothing left but fumes to lurch over the line, just to throw up because you show hung over on January 1, which is today. What? I'm sorry, I have to fucking take this. How unprofessional is that? You have to take a phone call and do. I do.

I swear to God, I swear to God. Why? Sorry, because it's fucking somebody trying to deliver something. OK. Obviously, somebody's going to take a fucking phone. Sorry. Sorry.

So 2018 starting out. What the hell is that a delivery for? Somebody's fucking phone. Sorry, sorry. So 2018 starting out, right? What the hell is that a delivery for? There's so many fucking... A box of zingers? Yeah, a box of zingers. Sorry, asshole move. I'm done. V-neck tops?

V-neck tops, yes. Well, who calls to deliver something? The delivery, the career. Yeah, what are they delivering? They're delivering a meeting. Are you gonna sue somebody? Yeah. Yeah? Actually, yeah, I'm, yeah, a wedding cake. I'm using your name, but is that what you're getting delivered? Something special. Yeah, a wedding cake. Yeah.

Yeah. 2018. 2018. Maybe you should resolve to do your do my business before the podcast. Yeah. Personal issues. You should take care of them before your business issues. Well, this is, that should be a resolution for you. Or after. This is definitely gonna ruin my personal reputation. What? Professional reputation is, it's me. What is it? No, no, no, no, I'm just saying,

because it's, you know. Delivery is? Because I'm not taking care of my personal things before or after business. I have a resolution in 2018. You do, so you do the resolutions. Yes, dude, you have to. What, just to be, so you can infiltrate all the rest of you do resolutions. Yes, dude, you have to what just to be so you can infiltrate

all the assholes who do that. No, because I make fun of them from the inside out because every year I'm getting worse and sloppier. Yeah, that's how like you get every year you get a little fatter and dumber. It's terrible. And you start clinging harder to the things that you were successful in the past. You have to. Yeah. You've got to start over. All true. I'm 2018. I'm going to be more fuckable. Oh, starting with losing about 20 pounds. Yeah. Starting there. Did you eat yourself fatter over the? I ate myself fatter and I thought myself fatter. Yeah. Usually when I'm laying in bed, I think myself skinnier and that works, but not this time. I just thought about being as fat as hell.

I thought about being like blue in the jungle book and how fun it would be to float around with a, yeah, with a 10 year old boy floating, sitting on my stomach, spitting water in the air, singing songs. You could watch out. There's going to be some kind of video coming. I got fat as hell thinking about that. That's the theme of 2018. Be more fuckable. Okay.

No matter who you are, learn some jokes for Tinder. This year. Get, get, do one exercise correctly. Add a new exercise to the mix. Change it up. That's what you're gonna do. Be more of a prick at work. Nobody ever said, God, I was too much of a prick today at work.

Nobody ever said that. It's always, everyone was real prick to me at work. Yeah. Turn it around on them. You should be the prick. You'll be the prick at work. Yeah, turn it around on them. You should be the prick. You'll be the prick at work. You could do it. This is the year to do it.

Yeah, 2018, you're the prick. Yeah, let's see. I think I had a dream that I went to jail over the lawsuit. Really? That might happen in 2018. Wow. I think Maddox is gonna kill me in 2018.

Do you think that's a prediction? Yeah. I think yeah. Well, I mean, I think Maddox is going to kill me in 2018. Do you think that's a prediction? Yeah. I think Mad Cux is going to turn serious. How far does he go? Mad Cux is going to turn serious. Yeah, he's going to get little spectacles on and get serious talks. He's going to go legit. Finally, he's Mad Cux.

That's unfortunate. And it'll be the year of the Dickles. Oh, okay. I've also created Dickles' Ecripto currency. You have. I did. They're official. Yeah, I created them. Those are really cool. They exist. Yeah. They exist for real. Really?

Yeah. Ecryptocurrency. Yeah, there's Ecryptocurrency. I just got to figure a way out a way to give them to people. But I made them. Cool. They exist. I was gonna figure it out by now, but I didn't. What's the exchange rate with a madbox? Is that thing?

100%. Okay. Yeah, whatever you want, whatever you want it to be. All right. Parades make me rage. Yeah. Rose Parade was on today. I always root for it to just have shitty, like,

unseasonable rain. And sometimes it does and then shit breaks down. I just only reason to watch any of it. Like an ass car event. Yeah. There is no, there is literally no reason for a man to watch the Rose Parade. Fuck no event. I don't understand what the draw is about it at all. It seems to be an event for horse people wearing human suits to pretend to be humans about. Yeah. Look at this. Look at this float. He he he he he he he. Naying as they point out, oh, look at these. Look at these. I want, I want one like Simon Cowell commentator on the Rose parade route to just they don't even have to acknowledge him. Just a guy wearing track pants and like a Georgetown hoodie going totally sarcastic.

Like the most so sarcastic that they can't even tell he's being sarcastic. Oh, look at this. Look at these fucking giggling. Look at these giggling cactuses over here. Somebody wasted six weeks of their lives and $300,000 in flowers, making this abomination of a float. That we're now, that we're all giggling at. Ready, everybody?

One, two, three. He he he he. Wasting millions of dollars on bullshit. Yeah. Not one interesting thing to look at. Not even one. No. Not even fucking one thing.

And they know men have to watch it. Because they always sneak the parades in when we're hung over his hell or stuck sitting watching something else. Stop, thanksgiving. We're gonna sneak this shit in before the football games. Fuck.

Did, uh, did you ever go sleep on the sidewalk? Oh, fuck no. Oh, no, okay, good. Fuck no, and I used to live, I used to live in Pasadena right on the parade route. Dude, these fucking morons would sleep on the street and then, and lo and behold, they forgot that they didn't have enough urinals. So chicks would be running down the street by my apartment, hiding in the bushes and pissing. Like this is what, this is what you're willing to do to watch a bunch of fucking flowers

and stupid configurations going down the street. I don't know why, but it seemed like right around high school, the time I graduated at high school, I would have people, it was always a chicks idea, but it was like, hey, let's go spend the night down on the sidewalk and- Let's go pretend to be homeless. Yeah, and like it never, never once did I even consider it. It was like, this sounds like the stupidest thing

on earth to me. Because they can't- You're all stupid. They can't even put in one thing that's worth, like, hey, it's time for it. Like a little like a tithing, you know? Like a tithing. We put in, we, you know what, we negotiate for you guys.

We put in fucking pop-ax during the Super Bowl that guys don't wanna watch. I wanna watch that shit. This for chicks, if the Super Bowl, if the Super Bowl was all men, the halftime show would be an arm wrestling contest. Yeah, but it's not. It's like here comes Bruno Mars with some shit that nobody fucking cares about. Nobody with a T count over two gives a shit about this halftime show. How about we get a couple floats for us for the

guys? Here's the float of huge tits coming by. We all hate it. We all hate it, but it's here every year. We all know, and then 10 floats later, the gigantic S is float. Here comes the here comes the Schwarzenegger float. We see terminators. We see a guy's dressed as Terminator one, Terminator two. Oh, we see a kindergarten cop. There's Arnold Schwarzenegger in twins. Oh, look at that. There's a little, there's a little Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Next to him. Great. Next float. Now he gets to the stupid grinning cactus again. I hate it. No, it's garbage. Here comes a float about America. It's great.

Because it's fun. It's a float about America is great. Because it's fun. It's fun to be proud of America. We're not, we're not as really serious. America is the best. Just to put it out there. One float, one float for me. It's all I want. Never will happen.

Let's see. It's not for you. I got, when else it makes me a rage. Shitty loading spinners. I'm talking about computer? Yeah, man. You can't underestimate the value of a nice smooth looking loading spinner.

When you get on, when you get a comment of something loading on like Reddit or your phone, and you get that nice fluid loading spinner that's going around, like, oh yeah, it looks like an actual thing that's going around. Yeah, and it gives you sense of confidence that everything's gonna go okay. And it sets, it puts you at ease.

Yes. You're like, hmm, that's a, I believe in the, I believe that that is magic. It's seamlessly, it's like a smooth animation and it makes you feel calm while you're waiting for things to load.

You almost forget that things are loading. If you're looking at things going, they make that thing so fluid. It just goes around. Yeah. And it's like you're already using it. And then it gets replaced with a crappy shitty wheel that totally misses the

spinning mark where it's obviously a little wheel that's spinning around. No magic at all. You can see that you can see the frame by frame spinning around, well, this is a complete, this is a complete fucking nightmare. Back to eight video games. Yeah, why they even put it here. Just say loading. This is doing nothing for me. This little crappy wheel that is just obviously rotating,

I don't know if it's rotating too fast or too much. It's like in cartoons, when they have that frame where someone's like falling in a bunch of manure or apples or something and some of them of our different colors, then the other ones you think, oh, those are the ones that are going to move. I'm suddenly very aware that I'm watching a cartoon. Now, you've totally fucking ruined it. I might as well just stop watching. Yeah. Very annoying. And it's just about that with the apples.

It's a simple thing to get right. You never thought about when you're watching cartoons? No, not like I've never caught that. Really? When it's like a bunch of piles and then one piles of totally different color. Like, oh, there's all the ones that are good. I can't fucking break.

I know that they're looking for it now. Totally ruining the joke. Yeah. Don't look for it. There's all the ones that are getting broken. I know that they're looking for it now. Totally ruining the joke. Yeah. Hmm. Don't look for it because it ruins all cartoons for you. Okay. Let me see what else makes me right here. Reddit replaced their, they updated their app. The loader looks like garbage now. Yeah. And it's always there. Probably never gonna fix it. No. It's probably won't.

So satisfying to see a nice smooth loader. I'm always there. Probably never gonna fix it. No, it probably won't. So satisfying to see a nice smooth loader. Mm-hmm. Uh, let's see here. Oh, I got some cops. I figured out, I figured out what's wrong with cops. You did, you saw that? Yeah, I actually have stats on this too.

Ooh, how about that shit? I looked it up. I had a theory, gonna need a moment. And I looked up up. I had a theory gonna need a moment and I looked up supporting evidence and studies So this is what that guy in that sure I'm okay with this the guy in Wichita got shot right there was a swatting Do you hear about this? Yeah, I actually didn't read about it Okay, so this will happen two guys you're planning two kids are planning a video game Okay, they get an argument over like a bet of a dollar, and the one kid goes, all right, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna swap your ass. I'm gonna call the cops and tell them, make up this ridiculous story about like, I've locked your, I've locked, I'm gonna call the cops pretending to be you and say that I've locked my family in the closet and I shot them and I'm doing all sorts of horrible things, right?

Like I'm doing all, I'm committing all crimes at the same time. I'm recording an NFL game. I ripped all the tags off the mattresses. There's actually a term for this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit.

For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit.

For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For this kind of shit. For'm smoking, I'm growing a bunch of weed outside, and I locked my family in the closet and I'm gonna burn the whole house down. There's a term for this, called swatting. That's amazing. Yeah, somebody figured out, it means people do this all the time.

Routinely. Yeah, it means like, if you're a cop, you should be expecting it. I know everybody hates that word, expecting now, he's like a bad word. You can't say that anymore. No, because because I'm victim blaming the police now, saying that they should expect this kind of behavior.

They should expect that they might be being used as a fucking prank, because they're so monumentally disproportionately powered for their function, right? So they show up acting like die hard. And, and usually they just cause a massive delay in somebody's life. Like they'll show up with their hub, hub, hub, hub, and smash it and look shit and take just shit apart and just beat like nobody wants, nobody wants 20 amped up policeman on their property.

Who wants police and your property ever? Unless you're a small business. Right. Right. Right. So this is what they do. A cop showed up enacting the prank the kid calls up the police and says he's the other kid gives him the address, but he gives them the wrong address. Oh, fucking. Not knowing, right?

How old are these kids? I don't know. It doesn't matter. I guess not. So the cop show up to the wrong house and execute somebody. Jesus. What the fuck? Yeah, the guy's sitting at home, right? In America, let's assume he's he's completely shit faced. Sure. This is the assumption you can make. You have absolutely no ability to respond. Let's just say, assume

the worst, right? Assume the fucking worst because he's just a guy sitting there in his house. He's finding his own business. Maybe he's drunk as hell. Maybe he's had a bad day. Maybe he's not in the mood to follow instructions. Yeah. Right. We're just showing up for no fucking, for no fucking reason. He knows he didn't do so. Guns blazing, right? Could be anybody. And that didn't make me rage. Cause it happens all the time. You know, this is what we built by giving dudes all these weapons

and then turning loose in the city. This is guaranteed to happen, as long as that exists. But what did make me rage about it was the police chief's response. I have it here. He says the irresponsible acts of a prankster put people's lives at risk. The incident, the incident,

that's where I start like, yeah, the incident is a nightmare for everyone involved. It's like a jack in the box. But it's not all nightmares are created equal. Well, it's something about the way that they talk. That's like winding up the fucking jack in the box. And not everybody does it, but every time cops talk, it has that effect on me because it's like, it's like fighting with a family member or love, like you're like, just admit, just admit what happened.

Stop using words that don't mean anything. The incident like, and it's not an incident. It's politician speak. It's pal, if the false police call had not been made, we would not have been there. Okay. Okay. Well, file that under the no shit clause. A male came to the front door as he came to the front door, the front door. Not it's his. Yeah. So it's like every.

Depersonalization. Yeah. It's this, it's the depersonalized speak that these guys run in every single one of our officers discharged his weapon. Like what the f shot a guy? Shot a guy. Say shot a guy. Say it. Say call Marcelis Wallace a bitch. Like just say what you fucking did.

It's not this one of our officers discharged a weapon. Almost sounds like the gun could have done it itself. Could have done it itself. Which means, and this is my theory, if you talk like this, I think it changes your fucking brain so you think like this. I'm sure that it does. Like I am such a fucking asshole

in every personal relationship I have. Whenever I hear the word couldn't, I always get that jack in the box like, if you say you couldn't one more time, because it's wouldn't. And every time you say couldn't, you are know that you're convincing yourself that you actually couldn't. I fucking know it. Wouldn't or didn't. So if you're talking past it. Didn't. Yeah. Wouldn't or did there's no couldn't. You couldn't be on the moon today.

There are, yeah, there didn't. Couldn't help me move. There are, yeah, didn't. There are very few things that you couldn't have done. Yeah. If, you know, within the scope of reason. I couldn't pass off as less than 200 pounds. Hmm.

Couldn't do that. Yeah. Not, I wouldn't, I wouldn't elect to be less than 200 pounds. Couldn't do that. Yeah. Not what I want it. I wouldn't elect to be less than 200 pounds. Couldn't possibly pass myself off as that. Yeah. Yeah. Couldn't stop sweating today. Couldn't help but celebrating. I couldn't help getting too drunk at a primus show on New Year's Eve Eve such that I was in bed all day. Couldn't help it. Oh, is that what happened?

Yeah, I got, I didn't drink. Are you pre-partied? No, I dickhead by the name of Stickler, Me Seeks. Heard about me talking about primus on the air, so he bought me a ticket for the primus show on the 30th. Wow. I don't know if you're serious. Come on, I don't. Where you're serious, come on out.

Where were they? Wiltern, the Wiltern. Oh, wow. The same theater I got in a fight at the trailer park boys show. Yeah, yeah. It was cool. And there's another dickhead there.

I think I did. I think I did. I tried to get that, another dickhead was there by the name of Kevin and he had a girl show up and I tried my fucking ass off to get him laid. Yeah.

Yeah. They were just out there not like together. They were just kind of a... No, I think he was attempting a... I think he was attempting to evolve his Pokemon if you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. I think that was a friend situation. Gotcha.

So he hired America's wingman. Yeah, basically. Yeah. And I showed up... I think I did, dude, I think I got a good dick tip out of it too, really. Because young, I found like a secret kryptonite shortcut for 20 year old chicks. Yeah.

Early 20 year old chicks. And that is busting, like one, if you can get chicks worked up, like indignant, that's a good, that's a good like change of emotion, you know? Like cause they're all, it's just like a big painter's palette of emotional states, right? And as soon as you go from like stable,

nothing happens when everything is stable. So if you up, if you up the, like if you heightened the emotions in any situation, as long as the emotional state is similar to what you're going for, there's a chance that it will become that. Passion in one way or another. Yes, exactly. Yeah, as opposed to apathy as the enemy of any of that.

Yeah, like you can't reason a chicken to wanting to have sex with you. She's got to be excited in some way. You've got to make a bunch of pro Trump comments and something, something. So I dropped the, I dropped like a beginner red pill on her, which is men and women can't be friends. She was talking about wanting to be friends with her ex and I'm like, that's not possible.

Men and women can't be friends. In fact, your boy here is not your friend either. He definitely wants to fuck you. And she was like, yeah. What? What? Yeah. Like, all right.

There you go. Have fun with that, my man. I hope it didn't fuck up your thing, but it also, this is the only way forward is through. Yeah, well, you were gonna, yeah. You just moved the finish line, miles, miles forward. You know, sooner.

Yeah, because it's like you got to come to that conclusion. You've got to come to that conclusion. Yeah, anyway. What was I talking about? Oh, the cops. Oh, the cops, yes, the cops thing. Just we just discharged our weapons. And a projectile happened to fly out of them and it landed in a human

man whose life function was terminated. Altered? Yeah, it's better. In a way that was incompatible with his values. Yes, yes. And every time they talk like that, it drives me insane. Because I know that they are brainwashing themselves

into not treating us like human beings anymore. How do you justify to yourself, you know what I mean? Like you got to rationalize it somehow. Yeah. Well, as soon as we got a discharge, our ordinance, like I've heard military guys talk about discharging ordinance. I'm like, yeah, I know why you guys call it that

because it's like, you can't call it, if you call it what it is, you're gonna turn it into your brain into what it is. Yeah, as opposed to like, I have to shoot somebody's son. Yeah. Oh, that's not policy to call it that. It's a lot of fucking harder. Yeah.

So I looked up a, I looked up some science on this. Yeah. Cause I wanted to see if there was any validity to this idea I have that the reason I'm sure there is. That the entire reason why this is happening is because of the way they fucking talk. And if they told them to stop talking like that,

it would happen less. You used to be encouraged to go up and talk to cops and they were encouraged to talk to you and build some sort of rapport. Yeah, man, when we went to England a long time ago, I was dating, you know who I was dating in the British. Oh, yeah, you went there. Sean and I went there.

And it was a dream of mine. I was, I was what, 20s, mid 20s. Yeah. 25 maybe. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. And at the time, it was a dream of mine to drink in a zoo. That's right.

We went to the London Zoo. Yeah, and she's with hands we went to the London zoo. Yeah, and she's, big cans of John Smith. John Smith, great beer. We ended up drinking a whole keg of that together and I'm interested in it. It's got a higher keg by ourselves. Yeah, it's got a, it's got like a magnet.

Like a magnet, exactly. It's full of iron for strength. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So Sean and I and this girl were, we're getting ready to go to the zoo. And she said, you can absolutely, like I said, wouldn't be great if we could drink at the zoo. I was off on one of my, at the time I would rant a lot

about these minor things that would upset me in my 20s. And I said, wouldn't be great if we could, if we could just drink at the zoo, like if we could be adults and just have a couple beers at the zoo, she said, oh, you can absolutely do that. Yeah, it's like a British voice. zoo. She said, oh, you can absolutely do that. Yeah, it's like a British voice. So she's like, oh, you can absolutely do that. Oh, you can absolutely do that.

I was right. She's just like that. Right. Or Philly. Yeah, Philly, I was right. And I said, I don't believe you. I don't believe you. If you go up to a cop and they tell you that I can do this,

then I'll do it. So she said, okay, so we walked over to do a cop and she says, hey, these guys aren't from here. This guy wants to know if he can drink beer and the zoo. And the cop goes, we're not gonna do anything weird, are you? You're not gonna do anything funny. I was like, I mean, no. And he's like, yeah, that's fine.

And you're like instantly, well, I mean, no. And he's like, yeah, that's fine. And you're like instantly, he was very reasonable about it. So you're like, you know what? I won't jump into a cage. Yeah. I was gunna. I'm just gonna drink this beer. Yeah, I'm not gonna do, yeah.

I don't want to do anything weird anymore. I mean, I did. I'm so so contract. I did, but they don't talk like that. Yeah. Here I would expect to walk up to a Cobb's A. He can I drink there? He's like, well, effectively, we are currently endeavoring

to limit the amount of alcoholic consumption on the premises by humanoid individuals. So we would kindly request, like dude, you are not talking, you're not fucking conducting a science experiment. You're talking to a fucking person. Yeah. So I looked up the science to back up what I'm saying.

And I found a TED talk, how's that for irony? Where the guy says that language is that have no future in them. So a language is built such that you use a lot of words that clearly delineate a future tense and a present tense. Oh yeah. And they vary, you know? Like some languages are heavily gendered, like Spanish.

Sure. The Latin-based languages are not that bad. But similarly, some languages are heavily tense, like future specific, present specific, they found, the guy found that a language where you have to say that has a strong relation to the future, there's a strong distinction between the present and the future. People that refer to the future a lot don't plan for it. So they have less savings, they smoke more, they retire with less wealth, speakers, they practice more unsafe sex and are more obese. Fascinating.

Surprisingly, the effect persists even after controlling for a speaker's education income, family structure, and religion. Well, I was gonna ask. Because a lot of people, humans have a lot of variables. So if you control for a lot of those, that bolsters your case. So talking constantly referencing the future

and the way you speak means it's like a far off thing. And it's not you. Yeah, you keep shoving it. I can relate to that. Yeah, you do, you keep pushing it down the road. Oh, that's, that's then. Things will be different then. You can really fall into that.

It's like, no, but then is now and then is actually in the past now. I mean, you both right. They're both you. Yeah, yeah, right. So language is, I think it was saying that Chinese, here it is, 30% more likely to have saved money. A 20% increase in a future tense in a language is related to a 1% decrease in the GDP that's saved. I mean, I don't know. It's a TED Talk. So I don't know. It's just a guy talking in front of a camera. I don't fucking know. Blame, it also relates to blame in English. We say that someone broke a vase, even if it was an accident, but in Spanish and Japanese, you just say that the vase broke itself. Oh, yeah. Okay.

So, it's not like, who deleted the episode? Like, the episode deleted. It was deleted. I like this. Yeah. Yeah. So, here's another stat for you. Let me see here.

So because of that, in languages where you assign blame, like in English, your people were more likely to remember who accidentally did shit. No, because of the way it was phrased. I'm telling you the way and the way that cops talk, like you're not a fucking human, is what's causing this shit. I don't doubt it. Absolutely what's causing this shit. Yeah.

And we're at a, we're at a point where these solutions have to be more than just rules. Like it's gotta be this, and I'll tell you this, I don't think it's their fault because they can't fucking just speak their mind anymore because they're racist. Yeah. Like they can't just go ahead. No, I was just gonna say,

just a little more specifics on the, so the guy came to the door. Did they give anything like he had what we, at least lie and say, looks like he was brandishing a weapon. That's fine. He's fucking house. Yeah, no, no, no.

But I mean, was there any additional specifics? Uh-uh, not in the statement. He came to the door and an officer discharged his weapon. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's what I think about that anyway. Kind of serious.

Yeah. Serious topic, but man, man, man, man. It's got to do something about it. Let me see, weasel words, I guess we'll call it. If you had to vote on it, I'd call it weasel words. Hmm. I got we'll call it. If you had to vote on it, I'd call it weasel words. I got some stuff on gender too. Showering and not my shower is also made me rage.

Everybody went home for the holidays, I assume. They had to shower in what your family and friends would not make a homeless person shower in. So when they don't use, yeah, the one they don't use. Yeah, the one they don't use. Unisex soap, the slivers of soap. Like soap that soap wouldn't, soap that's actually dirty when you use it. It's all white and craggly, like the surface of the moon.

And it takes you 10 minutes to work up a lather. Yeah. And that's just to jerk off. To clean yourself, you've already worked, you can't even do it. Yeah, you gotta block out. You gotta block out an entire afternoon. You've got a shower curtain just clinging to you.

Mm-hmm. Like a, like a wraith, like a ghost. Every time you move in the little prefab shower that they've got cooked up for guests. God forbid you use their shower. Where this, the stench of a wet man will hit you immediately. Guest showers. Yeah.

Towels that haven't been used in 10 years. Oh boy. The shroud of turin that give you for a towel. Nice. Here you go. Here's some cheese. Can I get a towel in the guest bathroom to go along with my two teaspoons of travel size

fucking toothpaste that smells like cigarettes because I didn't know the toothpaste goes bad after 10, can I get some a towel? Yeah sure, here's some cheese cloth. Yeah. Why don't you just dab yourself dry with this? The imprint of Christ, thank you. Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot. See you next year. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah, it really made me a rage. All a lot. See you next year. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that really made me a rage. All right, let me see. I got madcucks on the line. You're due.

Is he serious? No, he's nuts. I don't want to talk to him if he's serious. Hey, madcucks, you there. Hey, what's up, buddy? Hey, what's up, man? Do you want to unpack this, this watergate leaks? Oh, yeah, I mean, I guess I guess I kind of have to. Yeah. I'm looking,

does anybody know where water boy is? It was kind of late notice, but let me see if I can find him. Anything make you rage over the holiday, Sean? Actually, I went out of town for a week, which is why we did like three podcasts in a week before we left felt like a lot. Now it feels like we haven't. You know, pre-recorded podcasts. That's, that's a week. Yeah, we felt like a lot now. It feels like we haven't you know, whatever pre-recorded podcasts That that's real terrible. Yeah So make your age Yeah, I mean, I mean everybody can tell when you record a podcast too early, you know They listen before they even listen. They're like, yeah, this is a shit podcast

Unsubscribe, he's referencing the leaks. Maddox blames my, Maddox blamed my burning man, going to Burning Man and having to prerecord shows is the reason why the podcast lost so many listeners. Oh, he, he wouldn't let, that was a real sticking point for him for some reason. At least he talked about it as if it was. Yeah. He mentioned that a lot. Yeah, but he fails.

Well, we'll talk about it in a minute. I want to see if water boys hear it's fine. But yeah, my rage was actually coming back to LA and coming home from the airport and feeling the, the Paul of failure way down upon the city of LA. I actually felt it. I actually started feeling shitty on the ride home

from the airport after having a really fun, relaxing week, hanging out with the nieces, doing all that kind of stuff, and my mood immediately sunk after being in the Uber for about 10 minutes. Welcome home. Yeah, and I just realized that I think most people in this city are just doing life wrong Because it's such a it's such an expensive and poor life experience. Yeah in Los Angeles overall Uh-huh. It really it was really shocking how palpable that was to me so there yeah

Fuck I can't get a hold of them. I tweeted at a man I, I message you my Twitter, but I mean, that is what it is. It is what it is. All right. You want to give him, uh, give him like two minutes. Could he be a minute of a bird attack? Yeah, he had with the little birds packing up some birds. Yeah. Uh, oh, wait. Now there he is. Uh, okay. Help. There he is. I hope they're, I hope he is. Uh, okay. Help, there he is. I hope they're birds in the background. There he is.

All right, water boy, welcome to the show. Holy fucking shit, I totally miss my alarm. You missed your alarm at 2 p.m.? No, my alarm, I had an alarm for... It's cladding on the dick show. I've been playing Max Payne and I missed it. Oh, okay, you weren't sleeping. Yeah, and I've upgraded from my birds, by the way.

I've moved into an apartment now. Oh, I have five cats. You've cats now. Right. I have five cats and I'm deathly allergic. Oh, did they eat all the birds? Yeah, no, there's no birds. I'm out of that house.

You're deathly allergic to cats? You move up to cats. Yes. Why do you have five cats then? Thank you. I also like my fiance. Oh, you're you're you're getting engaged. Yes, congratulations Okay, I'm all over the place right now. There's a five cats right now. Is it five cats? I've this back. You got to follow up. Did you get engaged to a bunch of cats wearing a human suit? No. Please tell me that they're going to be like ring bearers and stuff. And I want to see pics. So are you like while you're doing music now, do you just have like five

cats purring and fucking wiggling and getting their fucking snot all over you now or what? No. The most exciting thing they'll do is get into a cabinet, but that's about it. They don't do anything that noisier or anything like that. You're serious, wait, so you're engaged to a woman who has five cats, but you're deathly allergic to cats. This isn't like a problem for you guys.

No, I'm just taking loads of medicine to try and compensate. What is this guy doing for love? Sean? I mean, what the, what is this? Is this girl like a bikini model or something that can, you know, what, how can you tolerate this? I'm allergic to just being slightly late. That'll end a relationship for me. You're deadly allergic to cats, but you keep it going. Yeah. You're saying, you need to trade up for dogs.

You're gonna be like the old woman that swallowed a fly. Oh, I actually, I do wanna dog. We just need a bigger place first. So we're using towards that. Get like five five dogs five or six dogs. Yeah, one for one and 10 birds. Yeah, 10 birds. All right, buddy. Um, so you we've got this we've got this leak to deal with the new watergate weeks. Um, does your house just smell like ammonia constantly? Does your house just smell like ammonia constantly? No. Really? Are the cats a problem when you guys are trying to have sex?

Are they like, is there one that's more curious about it than the others? No, we'll close the door. They're not outside like mowing and scratching the door to get in there and see what the canneries doing. And then five cats make a hell of a lot of piss, man. Yeah. Are you cleaning up cat shit? No, occasionally.

Maybe if my fiance is running late to work or something like that, I'll clean up the cat litter. Oh, I can't imagine that. I can't imagine that. That's worse than a kid. That's worse than a baby. Five cats, the smell alone. All right, so you've leaked some more correspondence

between you and Maddox. So when was this, when did this chat conversation take place? Take place. Um, so I got to go on to the dictionary real quick because I'm not the one that posted it on the Reddit. Are you posted it? I posted it in the IRC, which I recommend everybody join. Would you get totally private place and nothing from my field anywhere? Okay. I learned from my first leak that it's probably going to end up on Reddit, but I didn't realize it was going to happen pretty much instantaneously. Yeah, of course it will.

Can't be posting funny shit. But at the same time, I don't care because I think they're funny. Okay. When did the same time, I don't care because I think they're funny. Okay. When did this? When did the first one happen? So then the first one from the very beginning half and I want to say a couple months after the dick shows started. Okay. The water that was at the leaks to

Yeah. Reces don't walk away from them run about narcissism. Narcissism. Maddox has don't, Reese's don't walk away from them run about narcissism. Maddox's don't walk away from me run. Yeah. January 2018, I believe. And then the other one is from March. Okay, so March. All right. Well, do you guys want to read,

Madcooks, do you want to read some of this for us? Absolutely. It's about the destruction of the show more or less. I don't know. We'll see if it's funny. Sean, what do you think? It's about the destruction of the show more or less. I don't know. We'll see if it's funny. Sean, what do you think? Well, I would like to hear some. Yeah, let's hear some of it.

I think there'd be some. So what you want to be looking at is it two? We're all going to do the abuse one or the abuse. Which one's funnier? They're both really funny. All right, Mad Cux. Why don't you start wherever you want to use. Okay, we have the abused one. Which one's funnier? They're both really funny. All right, Mad Cux, why don't you start wherever you want to start. All right, this is Madix's abuse.md. And I will get it a rating based on cats.

Yeah. One to five cats. Yes. For how much you fucking have. What do I have to talk about my ex and why that shit upsets me so much because my ex was physically and verbally abused She's threatened to burn my house there So if you brought her back into my life in that capacity. I'd file a restraining order a get certain she lose her job because she's a teacher

Threaten the birth house down. Is that if you brought her back into his life as a girlfriend? Yeah Yeah, I think so. Yes. Berna house down. Okay. These are two vindictive people who are trying to fuck with me. My ex got extremely jealous when I started dating mental Jane Doe. Yeah.

Do you know how disrespectful it is suggested I may have any interest in an awful person anymore? I thought I think that makes mental Jane do feel. This is like the opposite of the love letter. No, that's exactly why. It wasn't anything about burning the house down in the love letter. That's what I thought. That's my chance.

If you juxtapose any of this with like, she taught me patience. She taught me. It's like. Wow, good thing it was fucking red then. I mean, it's kind of like a public interest then. If this is what's being said privately, it's a good fucking thing to let her guy read publicly. Well, already, already I've latched onto

if I did this, then she would lose her job and that would, so I'm not gonna file a restraining order. Yeah, it's not a loser job. Yeah, yeah. OK. So I responded saying that probably makes you feel awful. Did you intend for her and Jessica to ever be friends? They were friendly, but it doesn't matter what I intend.

I don't control people. I just want them to be OK with each other. Jessica is fine with it. They had hung out once before my ex lost her mind and started stalking me. And the girl I dated and threatened to cut down my Christmas lights. Cut down my wife. Christmas lights. Oh, Sean. I mean, this is a clear pattern of abuse of behavior. Of course, cutting down my Christmas lights. You better fucking watch it.

I'll come over to your house and I will cut down your Christmas lights. Yeah, that's a real, that's a real, it's like, it's like, May, wasn't it? I mean, it's... Ha, ha, ha, ha. I will come out and I will clean your apartment. Not, I'm gonna cut your brake lines, your gas line,

your water main, key your car. I'm going to cut brake lines your gas line your water main key your car I'm going to cut down your Christmas lights Yeah, try to keep your spirits Mary and bright with that life People are people all over your block are gonna think you're a scrooge. Yeah, I'm gonna cut them down I'm not gonna rip the staples out of the roof. I'd like to file a restraining order against the Grinch. So in my mind, when I hear this, I think like it's the middle of May, she's told them a million times to take it down. At some point, she loses it. She's like, it's fucking May 16th. We don't need these lights taken down. I'm gonna cut them down. Yeah. Yeah. And meanwhile

Maddox is like, well, that's just, that's inefficient. I'm gonna leave them up year round as long as they're off. They're not technically Christmas lights. Right. Life hack. Life hack. Yeah. So anyway, continuing, I still have a broken door in my apartment from her abuse that she

had the baby. Look at the fucking door. It's like $30. $30. $30. Yeah, $30. The hollow one that you could kick in, yeah. So I'm telling you, dude, if I go public with this,

you lose your job because she's a teacher. Why do you ask? If I go public with a door, with a door, damage story? Yeah. The store is broken. Please fire this woman. Yeah, okay. So my dumbass question was, do you buy any chance to get the bonus episodes?

Uh-huh. No, dude. I don't listen to any of his slander. I don't know what's been said. I don't know if you want to, but I can send you the last episode where he talks about you in 80s girl. Fuck no, I'm not listening to that bullshit. It's all lies.

Everything he say is either a liar misle misleading. What do I need to know? So he doesn't listen to the show. But somehow no, all of it lies. That's lie. Yeah, it's all lies are misleading. What do I need to know? No, I don't want to hear it. What do I need to know? Do I have to say the eighth thing? You just read what you read what what you, what you wrote. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I was in the middle of making breakfast.

A lot of this stuff I was talking just through voice to speech or whatever. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to attempt flipping all of these eggs and they give you the rundown. And then I sent them a picture of just like, I have like a million eggs in a pan. Uh-huh. And I say, Teehee, good luck. Ha-ha-ha! Teehee.

One thing you said, though, dude, and I, and quote, and I think if you really thought all the disgusting things about women, you wouldn't have a girlfriend unquote. You know, women are an abusive relationship all the time. Sometimes they put up with the various reasons. So that's not true. My ex was abusive to me, and I put up with it for too long. So I can clip out a story for you and send it to you because that's going to be a whole lot easier. But basically, explain the entirety of his side of the wedding story in full detail.

Well, what a res version of full detail is. Uh-huh. Probably none of it's true. I'm going to listen to a dude. Sorry, I don't have time. I'll tell you what happened. The truth in parentheses. My ex was there. She texted me a whole bunch before the wedding, making sure it was okay to come. I told her it was fine, but I was bringing my date. Mental chain dough and I were

still newly dating. My ex got really jealous because before the wedding, she sent me email asking to get back together. That's something people send an email. And she said she wanted to give me in love with me, even with new guys she dated. I told her it was too late and I had moved on but that we could still be friends. Okay. Before the wedding she invited me to go to Mexico with her. I turned her down again in a piss drop. Then at the wedding mental chain dough caught the bouquet and my ex lost her me on mine. She got pissed and then mental chain dough started talking about wedding vacuums. Whoa, that's a little bit psychotic.

And my aunt and me, her cousin said, where do you want to get married? And then before I had a cheesy answer, she walked away from me and started flirting with Dick. They left the way together, which made me furious, because she had the DUI and Dick was drunk. It could have gotten her killed,

and she could have lost her job. Oh, my baby. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. She's gonna lose her job. It's gonna be on my terms, God damn it. So yeah, so she could have been killed, or lost her job, because I was drunk. Yeah, there's no comma, but yeah,

he could have gotten her killed and she could have lost her job No, fucking lunatic, okay. I love the fact that like one this story rings totally true and she caught the bouquet Because my girlfriend super awesome Dendating for about an hour. She already starts talking about waiting venues Where are we gonna get married? What kind of bouquet? No, I gotta get married. Bucking psycho for a bit. Dintaining for about an hour, she already starts talking about waiting venues. We're all thinking, man, what kind of book, okay, no, we gotta get married. Book in Psycho. I've been here to tell you guys that part, but yeah, that's pretty much it.

And she called me a few days later and apologized for it. No, it's pretty weird because I asked him not to come. He offered and I took him up on his offer. He didn't tell us. He told all of that. And boy is his version of the story a lot different. You can see some of those same elements. Because I bet he made it sound like he was kicked off an episode. He offered and I accepted. Well, I'm sure it's a lot different because he's a liar my ex dot dot dot the night of the wedding Dot dot dot. She had a DUI and he drove her home drunk

What's that? Really related things that pissed me off because while we were dating it was a huge point of contention And I still cared about her as a friend at that time and I told dick if he wanted to date her He can just talk to me But I wasn't prepared to have her back in my life in that capacity. What the fuck does that even mean? I don't know. Can somebody else get in trouble for someone else drunk driving? No.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. That's the way it works now. Is the Facebook? No. Facebook catches you associating with a drunk driver, then they pretty much get the word out and you're done. Yeah. You're blocked permanently and every facet of your life. You fired from all your jobs. Yeah. It's a contact buzz, you know.

Everybody knows that. Okay, now here we go. Here we go. Waterboy, will you skip down to, oh, sorry about that. I think TDS is gonna continue growing and if it does. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Sorry about that. I think that the DIC show is gonna continue growing and if that does and what you're saying is true,

you have a real problem on your hands. Across that bridge when I get to it, there's a lot more I have on DIC. He's fucked over a lot of people. So I've got no reason to worry. I asked that genuinely, and if it's the reason why I've maintained this particular interest, otherwise it's just silly guys.

Worry about what? The livelihood and the quality of life for you and Jess. Oh, well, that's definitely hurt. He has hurt a bunch of small businesses. I'm like a bad guy. I'm like a real estate developer. I come in and ruin all the mom and pop businesses that are going just with my adicts. Here comes Dickmore. Yeah. You got a small business over there. Any small businesses hiding over there, stepping out.

No, medium sized businesses serve a service, five million plus, five million. We've got a health plan. We got good. It's a Nazis coming around. You hiding any Jews in there? Yeah. Small businesses.

Fuck you. You wanting to better their life? Your marquee says, Mon Paws, Shurepare. That is a Mon Paws. Can Glamour it? It's an entity. We design those by a focus group. We glamor it? It's an entity.

We design those by a focus group. We are, we're just coincidentally. People refer to us as mon pause. We are not as popular as Viacom. Oh my God. So yeah, for like three months, you would not stop talking about Kendall and I, saying that you were just like Kendall and I,

which is a legitimate business. And you have associated with like Indiana Jones May their business grow Everybody wants to be cool like Indiana Jones If anything that's a fucking endorsement The fucking Harrison Ford came out you a little other man's company was like Introducing the Indiana Jones man purse whipping hat in forum. Yeah. That build, that go through the fucking roof. But so I'm gonna have to look for it, but I, I looked myself for Kendall and Hyde

and they have so many fucking problems on Reddit. Well, no, they just took, they took everybody's money and then didn't, yeah. At least one of those guys is a fucking, I mean, it's not, it's not a business. Yeah. So whenever I approach Maddox about them, like, look at this threat, look at this threat.

Yeah. There's nothing to do with the dick show. He's like, well, some businesses have problems. Yeah. It's like some businesses that sell a bunch of Madbucks and then never give any bonus episodes. It's basically, Maddox did exactly the same thing that Kendall and Hyde did.

Sold a bit. But they're trying their hardest is they're moving past it. Yeah, because that fucking dope Cameron sold Kendall and I on sponsoring Maddox in his infancy and just blowing through money. Because the guy, the Cameron, that dipshit doesn't, shouldn't, is incompetent and convinced the bigger company that a prime demo for them would be Maddox's show for $400 man purses. This is like, it's a series of incompetence that let series of idiocy that led to this.

Starting with Cameron, continuing through Maddox and wrecking Kennell, they, those two morons did more damage to Kendall and Hyde than I ever, that I ever even attempted, like, that there was no damage. It's just making fun of a company, making man purses. Anyway, so any criticism is just no one void for whatever reason. Yeah, it's from you. It's harassment. Yeah. Yeah. So, where were we? Shoot. So why not drop the bomb now? Yeah. So why not not drop the bomb now? Yeah, so why not just drop the bomb now Well because honestly buddy, it doesn't make me feel good and I don't want to ruin people's lives

Well, they're ruining yours yours and jesus they're trying to they'll probably take things too far and end up in jail They're trying to they'll probably take things too far and end up in jail. I Don't know what to do man, but go full steam on him, which is what he wants You get a lot of publicity that I don't want to give him. Yeah, go go full steam addicts Go on your fucking website that's cobbled together on H that's you're a cobbled together HTML website and do your fucking worst tell everybody about the small businesses I've ruined and Like go go absolutely fucking nuts full steam you gigantic moron you complete fucking pussy For it. It's exactly what I want. I said so much publicity

That he could get Sean cuz he's got so much power with his website that had more traffic than Pepsi in 1997. Maddox the big the kingmaker. Maddox who goes on drunken peasants and his only remarkable action on the podcast is getting mocked by commenters. A living low cow, a man who's gone in a complete reversal in life from somebody with a one-off success hit to a complete fucking joke. Go, go, go absolutely crazy, Maddox. Dedicate your whole fucking sight to it. Oh, God, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, God, the man with so much power that he won't even give Anita Sarkeesian a response because he's so far above it. I mean, you know, people quake when they hear of Maddox's ability to post emails from customer service representatives. It's so, this is how much power a man has. He can't protect his own Christmas lights, but he can ruin your life. Can't replace a door. A dent in a door has felled him. Cut.

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Well, if they are the pieces of shit you're making them out to be. I just dropped the bomb. Believe it or not, nobody fucking knows

or cares about the old podcast anymore. If someone tuned into his show today, they'd have to look up me. What day, I mean, you're still famous. Do they really need to look you up? Denzel, mental Jane Doe, I think that's what that's referring to, a stereos, and listen to a year's worth of episodes to get up to speed. He's digging himself a grave. Well, what if I wanted to drop the bomb

and it doesn't wipe them out? What the fuck is this? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? This is all a pretend world that we're talking about, right? This was the bomb, a dog bite lawyer writing a bullshit

little suit and costing. Well, I think this is a new bomb. I don't think he had concocted that bomb yet. No, I think he had because most of the most of the most of mental justice restraining order defense that Maddox wrote is the same screenshots and like thought process that's in his lawsuit. Okay. So I think he's he's been working at, you know, he can't fucking write.

So I think he's been spent a long time long coming up with it. Well, it's a huge. I mean, what is it? 60 pages or something like that? Yeah, it's 24 pages. Usually those things are like four to six or something like that.

Yeah. And just to clear something up, I'm going along with this because if I object in any way, he'll just stop talking talking and start complaining saying that I'm just brainwashed or something Yeah, sure a lot of this. I'm just saying okay, let's just play along with your metaphor What if it doesn't work or what if you know things like that? Yeah anyways? Then it's not a very good bomb Well Tron he he it keeps it sounds like he's saying T. He which I like even more this is him

This is a fully this is a 40-year-old man. Well, it's not a very good bomb. He he yeah, he he Who who I've said the guy you had the comic artist named he he silly comics. Yeah, in your face Okay, sure she's a woman and an artist uh yeah whatever yeah uh but uh he he well it will take dick out but it's ex might lose her job oh dick sex might lose her job or getting investigated for property he's not gonna about the British girl who originally posted the madx disavow his book that like brown nosing shilling that he did to the LA comedy community or the cuts in the LA comedy community

who like flipped out because he had a copying of feel in his fucking book. Instead of, you know, taking a stand for his art, men in general, the idea of the idea that the idea that we should be allowed to make jokes like this is a way to cope with reality. Instead of taking stand for any of that, he said, I disavow my book, I haven't even read it. It's not very good. I'm ashamed of it.

British girl saw that and said, all I'll take a screenshot of that because she fucking hates his ass. Yeah. And then mental jazz, message message, you're saying, you better take that down or you'll be investigated. Well, I don't want you to be included in the police report that we're firing, that we're filing. Investigative for crimes, these are the crimes.

Just talking about it. Yeah. Yep, so my only response to that was, wow, this is really weird. Rady might lose his job, which I definitely don't want. Asterios will definitely lose his job. So then what?

You think these people will leave me alone after I've taken with their jobs or will it get worse? I don't know. I don't either. Yeah, man. Got that, got that. My hands are kind of tied right now. Honestly, uh-huh.

Anytime anybody leads in with honestly, they're being picked alive. I mean, it's honestly, I just want to get back to making content that people enjoy. I wonder when that's going to be. I'm not vindictive. I didn't want to release my video about Dick and there's worse dot dot dot. That video was original. It was 17 minutes long. I'm trying to ignore this these people are sociopaths and i want nothing to do with them what can you i was talking with a friend one night and we're trying to determine what we were dealing with dot dot dot

and we both did research and came up with sociopathy everything i read about sociopaths online is this don't walk away from them dot dot dot run All caps God so first of all we prefer the term morally challenged So is theopaths he's did research with a friend and then came up with that. All right, great, great reading guys. Thank you so much.

Thanks for letting us know about the Christmas lights. Maddox, precious Christmas lights. Yeah. They need plugged in all times. At least four out of five cats. You're four and a half out of five cats. A door that will give people fired. Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks a lot. What it makes you guys a rate? Madcucks, what makes you a rage? Anything. While that water boy go first. Okay, water boy, what makes you a rage man? Well, that Mad Cux go first.

Okay, you fucking, what makes me a rage is the new, what makes me a rage is the new fucking iPhone X commercial that's on Hulu, every fucking commercial break it pops up and it's just like this stupid lady is just shaking her head back and forth. Look, I can make an emoji move back and forth. Like, I don't fucking care. No amount of fucking answering the show.

It's gonna make me want to go buy a thousand dollar phone. Even if I wasn't an iPhone person, I don't need to see your fucking ad. You fucking products advertise themselves. Everyone's walking around the stupid symbol in the bathroom. When you don't fucking exist, stop with the advertisements. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

If I get, if I have to open a text with one more fire works exploding, happy New Year's post, I'm going to go back to a flip phone. I'm so fucking, I'm so tired of these features, like these, the commercialized features that they make just to throw in a commercial that either nobody uses or everybody hates. Exactly like that. Make it waterproof. That's it. Yeah, make it, make it, make it waterproof, make the battery last all day, make it run faster, make it take good pictures. I don't give a shit about seeing fucking dancing emoji and especially hate that you're fucking putting ads out like nobody's

like someone someone's somewhere is gonna tune in to see that commercial and be like Apple makes a phone now. Yeah. All right, man. Mad Cux host of Here's where I don't get patreon.com slash hwi dg proud member of the Cunt Network see next Tuesday Network thanks buddy thanks for the reading thank you yep water boy what do you got all right so I guess it's kind of doxing myself if I say I'm a cashier but I am a cashier okay and I don't have a lot of problems with customers except for when they come up and they put like $300

worth of merchandise on the counter. And then they're like, oh, but I have the 23 pennies. Let me just dig into my purse. So they dig in another wallet. They pull out maybe five or six. And they're like, oh, there might be some at the bottom of my purse. They clearly have like another dollar

that they can put down on the table. But they're like, oh, I just want to get rid of my change. I just want to get rid of the pennies. It's like they're, it's like they're completing a quest of using all their like if one day they have zero change when they get home, they'll achieve total enlightenment. And they could check that off forever and they'll never get any more change again. Like they're doing you a favor. Like somehow in your job description, it's important to have an amount of pennies and nickels and quarters.

Like you get a reward if they pay it, if they're able to pay you the exact amount, then somehow that helps you. Right. It's actually the perfectly balanced drawer. Yeah. Oh, here you go. Because every every so a

Lot of cash years and a lot of places they have a timer for how long they Bring people up and get through the process. Okay, so someone decides. Okay. I'm gonna pull out 57 pennies. Yeah It only hurts everybody in the store. That's interesting. Yeah, so The best thing to do would just be just give me the $10. I can give you back the three pennies and then we can move on. That's it. Yeah. Okay. I agree. Good. That's a good water boy tip for everybody. Thanks for all the laughs. Water boy. All right. Thanks for the leaders. Yeah. I'll be prepared next time. Enjoy those allergies. Goodbye. Have fun with your cats. What a fucking mess that poor kid engaged to a

five cat, five cat lady. That's a lot of that's a fuck load of cats. Man, that's a lot of cats. One's too many. See here. There was some about Dr. Phil came out. He reportedly an addict came onto his show and there was a bottle of vodka in the dressing room. Dr. Phil just left it there. I will say that on the show, there was plenty of liquor. Well, that's nothing to do, nothing to read. Only things in the house of judgment that will drive you insane, like nothing to occupy your mind,

but ample liquor. Well, it's completely, yeah, of course, it's completely, they want good content. Yeah. You want conflict. And nothing should be surprising about that. For a sh- No.

I just realized after they said that- There's nothing to do with mental health. No. There's no, no. I didn't even, like at the time, I didn't realize, it's like, oh, that's nice of them to put liquor here, but now looking back, I'm like, oh, there's no. What a fucking gigantic, like, there's no, there's no,

there's not even an attempt to reach a point of mental health on that show. Yeah, I thought that was pretty funny. Let's see, the death pool is back. We're gonna start a new death pool, new year, new death pool. The two in Maddox's show calls it quits. There's a Reddit thread, you can go guess, guess the time.

It's on Reddit, Facebook, I assume, Justin will start one on Facebook. Let's see here, Vista has done a Goss timeline. Maybe we'll talk about that. It's a pretty fucking good timeline. It's like 10 minutes long though. Can't watch it. Yeah, I heard about that. That's a lot of work.

Yeah, it was. Okay, Rocky Man was very Jameylin Hughes is here welcome to the program sitting in on the video to page round.com slash the dictionary Good to fly again there. Hello Jamie. Hello Jamie's got some questions I guess people want advice from a girl. They think they do Because they think a girl's, they think another girl has it all figured out.

They think a girl will help them manipulate other girls better than a guy. I can do that. Let's see about that. Okay. Actually, we're both gonna give this guy advice. Okay, and see how it compares. Yeah, and see how it compares.

Okay, let's do it. And then he's gonna do both. And then he's gonna say who wins. Okay, I like it. Okay, let's see. And then he's gonna do both. And then he's gonna say who wins. Okay, I like it. Okay, let's go. Okay, Rocky Man last week was very polarizing. Did you get a sense of that, Sean? I thought he would be.

Yeah, he thought he would be. A lot of people liked him. Lecambra and Vista's loved him. Mm-hmm. This guy Peter Putchus says, re-listening the last episode of the third time because of Rocky Man, what do you think about something like a weekly

or whatever ask rocket man thread on Reddit, consolidate the best and worst? I think that would be cool. I don't know if he'd be up for it. I think he was surprised that he got a bunch of jerk off questions when he was on. I don't think he was expecting. No, I don't think so either.

I know some people thought it wasn't some people's cup of tea. Yeah, but you know, he's, you gotta try things. He's got, you know, is everything about science? I thought it was interesting as hell. I like that they have a protocol for jacking off in Antarctica. Yeah. And that I, if I was in space, you're gonna get that. Yeah, if I was in space jerking off, I would have fucked up the whole toilet.

So I guess I maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am. Yeah, well, like, Neil deGress Tyson ain't gonna give you that. Yeah, if I was in space jerking off, I would have fucked up the whole toilet. So I guess I maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am. Yeah, well, like Neil deGrasse Tyson, I ain't gonna give you that. He's never been invited to space. He's never even jacked off. He just talks about himself and then comes, right? And he goes to sleep. Nothing even comes out. He just has like a female, Neil deGrasse Tyson has female orgasm where it's like, they never quite go over the line. It's just like a female, Neil deGrasse Tyson has female orgasms, where it's like, they never quite go over the line. It's just like a wave and then it's like, okay, you know, I think it's stop at any time. Men can't do that.

You stop a man, he turns into the incredible Hulk. Mm-hmm. That's a tip. No. That's a tip for all the men in the audience to make sure they unload. Very important. They're not teaching you that,

they're not teaching kids that in school anymore. You can't get that in homeic anymore. No, they're teaching you that it doesn're not teaching kids that in school anymore. You can't get that in home back anymore. No, they're teaching you that it doesn't matter, but it does fucking matter. It does. Don't let teachers tell you that. Okay. If you're a little boy listening to the show

or a teenage boy, make sure you know that. Okay, this is sour hippos, as I need a little chick tip from Jamie. Hey, Dick, next time Jamie's on the show, I could really do with a little chick tip from her. Hey, Dick, next time Jamie's on the show, I could really do with a little chick tip from her. Jamie, Jamie, he says, my girl won't do anal. You know, no way. And stop asking, I'm not doing it. Our typical responses when I get when I get when I open up to subject. No pun intended. I thought that without trying it, how could she even know that she doesn't like it?

Yeah. Yeah, right. That's how they get you to eat tomatoes as a kid. I mean, you know what I mean? They try that kind of logic. It's on her, Sean. Yeah. How do you know?

How do you know, like it leaves the game forever than the ass? Try it. Okay, so this is what we're, Sean. Yeah. How do you know? I think it's never in the ass. I think it's never in the ass. Okay, so this is what we're dealing with. Okay. This is what he's attempted so far, I'm sure. I could see him sitting there.

Hey, can I sneak this in the back? No. Well, how do you know that you don't like it until you've tried it? Mm-hmm. And expecting, oh yeah, sure. You know what you're totally right. You've reasoned me into it. So one time I surprised her and slipped a finger up her butt

whilst plowing. She didn't like it and that led to an argument. Oh my God. Wow. That's a bad sign, dude. I feel as though she doesn't like it in the same way that a child immediately doesn't like vegetables, Sean. Speaking on what you were talking about,

without giving them a proper try, they just put them in their mouth and they say that they don't like them. Fucking kids. You need to not have a child analogy when you're sitting here talking about those. Yeah, you think that might be part of his problem? Is that how he views his girlfriend?

Yeah, she's that might be part of his problem? Is that that's how he views his girlfriend? Yeah, she's a child chick. Good point. My bros have asked if I've ever done anal and to save face, I have to pretend that I don't like it and don't even want to try it. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Like him receiving? I think he means his bros are asking him if he's fucked his chick up the ass and to save face. He tells his bros that he doesn't want to.

Oh, I see. Sour ass. Tour ass. That's called you know, in the Fox, the Fox was there and then all the Fox's bros, right? All the other animals were like, hey, you fuck your fox up the ass? And the fox said, nah, it's ass of sour. Yeah, I don't want that. Yeah. That old mythological tale, an old allegory.

Not a myth of the sour ass. Right. The fox with the sour ass. This is fabled. The fabled. Aesop's fables. Six fables. I should write a fucking fabled.

Aesop's fables. Yeah, Aesop's fables. There you go. Aesop's fables. There you go. Very good. That write a fucking ass off tables. Yeah, ass. Assops. There you go. Yeah, sure. Very good. That's a fucking good idea. Assops, fables.

Assie ops. Fables. Okay. I'm taking credit for that one. It's on record. Classic, L.A. Classic L.A. Film move.

Do you have any little chick tips on getting my girlfriend to try anal with an open mind? Now you've blown that. Thanks. Okay, well my first question would be how much do you like her? Because... How much do we ever like any of... What do you... It's just, it's definitely a difficult thing to like if you are just really close off to stuff

to convince somebody to do it. Yeah. It is my opinion that it might be something that you don't convince somebody into. They have to kind of come into that on their own terms. Manipulating your talk, you're describing. No, my advice is that she probably won't be for it in the lifespan of your relationship. No, that's not that's not a good advice though. Well, because then he doesn't get what he wants. Well, your advice is, I mean, stop wanting it. I'm trying, I'm trying to think of this. Okay, so if I'm trying what would it take for a guy to convince you to get fucked in the ass? I mean, that's like, this is, you gotta think, when you're asking a question like this,

you gotta think, well, what would it take to convince me? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. And that is probably not. I mean, you see that like the prince of some, you know, Arab country or something? Why? Well, I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of money there.

Everybody's got their price. Yeah, so let me ask you, like, because for my end, it's hard for me to give advice because I've never been that girl. Sorry. What do you mean? To where, how do I say this tactfully? You don't, I'm now in a building.

You already said it tactfully. That I was unwilling. So maybe a man would be an easier person to give advice on how to be to make somebody willing. You got to do like, look, you got to mark Twain her. You got to Tom Sawyer her. Explain. With the ass. Call her the N-word stuff. No. You got to when Tom Sawyer's painting the fence and the boys come over,

they're like, God, it sucks you got to paint the fence. He's like, no, actually, it's awesome. I love painting the fence. So you've got to start, Sour has got to start saying, well, it's actually awesome. I do it all the time. I fingerblast my own ass while I'm doing anything. And it's great.

All my bros do it. Every, the greatest relationship I've ever had in my life, my last girlfriend, it was very romantic and it actually increased our love levels to a stratosphere that we couldn't imagine. See? Tom Sawyer, you got a man and then she wants to see what is all, what do you mean? Is it really? You can't look like you want it. You got to flip it around and make it not even denying it. But hey, what can I say? I just, I love it and everybody loves it. Right? Now, another way is maybe

he can just get her really worked up beforehand. Like what do you mean? And then have an argument like browse that post together. I kind of feel like Robin right now because I'm having to talk about this explicit stuff like from Howard Stern. Okay, so I'm getting, I'm blushing now. Well, mate, what are you thinking about? Sean and I aren't blushing. No. Let's say. I don'tushing now. Well, man, what are you thinking about? Sean and I aren't blushing.

No. Um, let's say, have you ever blushing your life? Sean, I don't know probably probably like when you were a baby and someone saw your penis. I have no idea. Mother fucker. Don't you look at me? I don't know. I don't know.

Nobody's ever said, oh, you're blushing. Some people get really red. You're like, Kaiser Jose, if they say that. Yeah, kill the family. Right. get really red. You're like, Kaiser Soze, if they say that. Yeah. They kill the family. Yeah. Are you okay now?

Yeah. So let's say you're going at it from behind. I'm going to get real close up in her ear. Okay. Maybe breathe a little heavy. Uh-huh. And have an accent. Like have like a Spanish accent.

That would be very weird. Because you're the piracy accent. What do you mean that would be weird? That's seconds. That would throw her off. And then you give yourself a name. I get low. Oh, okay, hold on, I'm thinking about that. That might not be too bad.

And the middle of, I'm in the middle of plowing you. My name is this sour hippo, right? To set the mood. Okay, I mean, maybe try it with your normal voice first. No. Okay. And that might voice first. No. Okay. And that might blow it.

Yeah. That would be, that would be my tip. But then what should you say? Well, she might say no, but she might say yes, but you have to, you just have to get her really worked up. Really worked up. Yeah. Okay.

Like say, I'm going to marry you if you let me ask fuck you. Yes. And then just just getting across your fingers so that she can't hold you to it later. Say, pitch that was obviously it. I was just saying it's pillow talk. Right? Yeah, if that's your goal to just do that and nothing else. Okay, so Jamie's goal, Jamie's, you're saying butter her up? Yeah, but yeah, I get her really worked up, not butter her up, but really hot. Get it so she's like, she's roofing herself.

Like her own brain is putting chemicals in her body to make her behave as though you've given her chemicals. Okay, got it, that's okay. That's still okay, right? That's still counts as consent, just making sure. So we're allowed to use our words. I'm allowed to use words to inject people's bodies with chemicals, but I can't just shortcut the middle man.

You're definitely laughing. Okay, that's called being a human being, that abstraction. Okay, that's called being a human being that abstract that abstraction Just so so we're all clear got it. Okay, and my strategy is to Tom Sawyer. She did Okay, let's see I got another one. Let us know how it works out hippo. You got to get in there man Otherwise, it's gonna fester Gross, that's the that's. That's the last resort.

Like, look, I need this, or I just can't, I can't deal, I can't get hard anymore. I can't have sex in a normal way unless we try it. Right? And you do quid pro quo. I'll do it too. But we gotta do it. That's the nuclear option. Okay. Oh, this is a kind of a rough one.

Oh boy. Megalomaniaxism. Having trouble dealing with constant rejection from females and it's making me come unhinge to the point that I have completely lost my temper and send long raging texts to Tinder matches. Don't do that. Who started? Oh man. lost my temper and send long raging texts to Tinder matches. Who started? Yeah. Oh man, never fill up the screen with words.

Whoa, never fill up the screen. But I'm not, I'm not great looking, long raging texts to Tinder matches who start slipping away. I'm not great looking, but I have a job and a car and all the rest, but I can't seem to keep the attention of any girl I'd want to be with, you know, unless she's overweight and couldn't do any better than me. Ah, that's a bad way to look at women. Talking to women is beginning to feel like negotiating with a homicidal maniac who has my ego held hostage, and any misstep could cause her to shoot it.

Okay, perfectly normal, perfectly normal. I mean, that's seriously, that's perfectly normal. We all feel like that. She didn't get the joke I told, Blam! As ego's getting shot, I texted back too soon, Blam! I waited too long to text back, Blam, Blam! I betrayed even the tiniest bit of neediness, neediness, cablamo.

I know that there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm thinking, no, he said, I know that there's something wrong with me. Oh, excuse me, I just internalized this. How I know he actually needs it. But it's probably obvious to everyone except me. Most guys don't seem to care about messages dwindling away, but it throws me into a megalomaniac, megalomaniac rage every time.

What do you do? Do you think he just one way or another just needs a little success? Dude, if you are not in the top, if you are not a nine or a 10, like a dude, if you don't look as good as Sean, I mean, with a hundred percent sincerity. If you don't look at least as good as Sean

or above, stay the fuck off Tinder. Stay the fuck because it is the, it is designed. It's cut, broda. It's, no, it's designed to crush guys who aren't in the top 10, 20%. Like all the messages, all the messages that chicks are sending on Tinder, this isn't me, this is science talking.

Like actual people like putting up many profiles engaging the responses. If you are not in the top 20%, say that because it will it will totally fuck up your your world is that right oh it's terrible wow yeah I think he does need he needs a success and he needs to stay off so he'll have increased likelihood of success staying off a time I have a question though um he brings up the only women who will respond to him are the ones who can't do any better than him yeah but I want to know is like why is he why does he expect them to lower their standards for him?

But he Like he is upset with them Because they should like him even though The hot girls should like him. Even though they could do better. You're saying. So do you not want to raise yourself, like your standard up? Be more fuckable. Be more fuckable. Be more fuckable. There you go, dude.

Yeah, like that mindset has always thought to me. Which one? To like... Guys expecting hot girls to fuck them, but they don't want to lower their standards. Especially since women, like even gorgeous women, will being repulsive. How hard was it to say, like me, after you said gorgeous women? How hard was it to resist saying the phrase like me?

How much training did it take to get that out of your- A whole lot of these 14 years. 14 years. Okay. See, like I was expecting to hear it, but I didn't hear it. I was like, no, that must have taken a lot of restraint. Good for you. What were you saying about gorgeous women?

That gorgeous women bang repulsive men all the time. Yeah, they do. That's why I didn't put a like me in there. I see. They do. They do. They do. So lie.

Be like, update your shit so it seems like you can give them. Like, find out what's different about the ugly guys. Does he say he's ugly? He said he's not great looking. Okay. Find it. Find a great, find a, find a not great looking guy that these chicks that you want to bang are banging and then just say that you're them. Like whatever they have to offer, just have it, right? Because if that's why it's kind of a like a school, if that's why they're banging you, then that's on them. She's an under-research. Well, let's just say like,

maybe knock down your expectations, maybe like one-titch and see if your results don't change. You know what? Well, that's what that's kind of what I was getting at with like he just needs some success. Yeah. I think it'll probably change your, you get any kind of positive feedback. It does wonders for a guy's ego. You have to, it's like a, you have to treat it like a game. You don't go into a gym on day one and start putting up four plates. No, you got to start with just the bar and you do it a bar over and over. You got to go among the sevens. You got to start tagging sevens every day. the sevens, you got to start tagging sevens every day. And then you get enough, you get enough sevens, you can move up to an eight. And then pretty soon, you're just plowing

through eights all day, every day. And then maybe you sneak in a nine in there. You don't just jump, you don't jump up three entire levels without paying your dues. You know, what's like the Carlin bit though? I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five twos. Yeah, you gotta pay your dues among the twos. That's a good tip. All right, thanks, Jamie. Let's do, let's see if I got anything else. No, I don't think so.

I went out with, he, he, silly comics. The last one? Yeah, we had some coffee and there was an All Genders bathroom. He, he silly comics. The last one? Yeah. We had some coffee and there was an all-genders bathroom. I finally saw an all-genders bathroom in the wild. Was that a pizza coffee? There was one bathroom in the whole place. All-genders.

All-genders. Wow. So here's the sign for that. It says it in words, all-genders. Oh, you should just say it in a rest of the rules. You should just say it in a rest of the rules. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. All-genders. There was one bathroom in the whole place. There was one toilet in the bathroom. Still felt the need to put all genders on. Yeah, it was painful, painful experience. All right, go to vidicshow.com, patreon.com slash the dick show. If you're a Patreon-y, there's gonna be a GoFuckYourself video. I'm gonna do another GoFuckYourself video,

probably either today or tomorrow, I don't know yet. And keep an eye out for your dickles. What else did I say people should do? Be more fuckable. Be more fuckable. 2018, be more fuckable. Okay, this is from Kendall and Hyde. It's called Don't Walk Away Run.

Jamie, you have, do you want to plug your shop? You're training? Oh, yeah. I've got a new site up. It's jameelinews.com. So I'm doing as far as who's listening to the show. I'm doing online training programs and meal plans. So if you just go to the site, there's a little contact form. So the meal plan is you give instructions on how to make food for the whole week. Yeah, so it's a month plan, so you follow it for the month, but it's based on weekly.

You make one thing and then eat it all week. We have different meals, but for like, say meal one, first meal a day, you'll eat that same thing for the first meal of the day, the whole week. I'm just telling you, from my point of view, like what I want is to just not, like, having to cook every night makes me want to blow my fucking brains out. So if it's just something I could make once and then eat it several times and it's

taste good and it's not something that I've cooked up and is necessarily a failure from Jump Street. That's what I want to buy instructions on how to do that. That's exactly what it is. Otherwise, I'll just eat pizza and drink because I ate the pizza and feel bad that I did both those things and then get fatter. That. That's what, yeah. That's what I need. And workout plans, you're saying. Yes. I don't need them. I work out it's perfect.

I've seen it, I know. Yeah. So perfect. Okay. Jamie Halen Hughes.com. Yes. All right. Don't walk away run.

Here you go. Kendall and Hyde. See you next Tuesday. Don't walk away run. Don't walk away run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Run. Kendall and Hyde. See you next Tuesday. These water gait leaks are not very fun. Listen here buddy, I don't control people. I'm much too busy in the shower plug and not my pee.

Oh, dick lies, he's a meany and a weasel. All he cares about is entertaining fans that he stole. I want the truth out, yeah, that's why I'm doing this. Dick needs to be punished, so that's why I'm suing his friends and coworkers. Ain't nobody safe. All you dickets gonna lose your job up in this place. But this can all end like I told you before in email 205 paragraph 64. Just thank me for the snacks.

And oh yeah, there's more. I'm gonna need that 50 bucks for the broken door. Don't believe my ex abused me. Just look at you, she'll see. She left me with the stuzy of a broken door fallacy. That's for sure. He really loves to work for me. I tried to pay him once.

Funny to rather give his time for free. We didn't get to that, sir. Don't walk away from us. If you hate mad cubs, don't walk away, run. If you hate a spirit, don't walk away, run. These water gait leaks are not very fun. If you hate peach, don't walk away, run. If you hate Denzel, don't walk away, run.

If you hate Sean, don't walk away, run. These water gait leaks are not very fun. To all the decadent out there guys I hope you're here in this who rear flash before my eyes near death experience. I hate monkey dogs and fries Yes, I'm serious, but even more I hate dick slides. I'm so delirious I'm doing mad tux. Don't you know we dresses like a slow call me budget cuts the way I'm going after teacher jobs waiting from a podcast to end it won't be fucking long My values are incompatible with rock-a-rock-a-songs.

Keep track of all these lies is getting tiring. They're supposed to win you over, but I think it's backfiring. I can't just quit. It's too soon to be retiring. I wonder if that telemarketing place is still hiring. This is so worth it. It's Pim too, I believe. Don't walk away, run. These watergate leaks are not very fun.

Don't walk away, run. Fucking funny. Run. I keep this time from Ob Don't walk away. You're funny. Run. I keep you aside from all the tax to check this out Hey, look I'm dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a man explaining stick happy to tap tap tap Take that so seal path Don't mess with me buddy Oh, man that word means the wrong thing to that guy. He's a sociopath.

You know, the people who are disproportionately successful in life, he's one of those. You gotta watch it. The people are only dangerous when they're uneducated. Yeah, one of those guys. You better watch out. Shit, that was funny. That was great.

He also did the PIM tool, Twitter account. He does a lot of all kinds of PR stuff. He's really fucking funny. Hey, Dick, this is Nick in Texas. And here's what makes me a rage this week. Women's cards, they're fucking filthy. I'm in my life card right now. I'm normally going to keep the fours and everything pretty clean

because I can't stand normal. I've got, I'm going to her glove box and I've got about six insurances in my hand, insurance cards, five of which are expired. And it's got her dead off, she pulls over. I've got a couple, an open tampon, she's got bottles of baby shampoo, and ocean, and sand, under a bunch of tan. We've got a garment that probably hasn't been used in six years. Yeah, but it's a garment. Or parking tickets, not actual citations, but parking.

Yeah, I have those. Yeah, parking actual times. And better several years old, as soon as it's just like a place for them to hold other garbage until a man becomes a man comes along and you're frustrated. It's the eternal battle between men's order and women's chaos and disorder and slavonliness that begins in their purse, goes into their car, then travels into your bathroom in your house, and then it slowly starts creeping out.

Wow, wow, from there, it sits in the medicine cabinet, spilling all over the bathroom. Oh, there are little doo-dads and insurance guys. I did a girl who had 50 insurance cards in her glove box. No way. No. Well, how many do you have in your glove box right now? At least three. At least three.

Yeah. What would you describe to general? I don't have the right one in there at all. Mm-hmm. What do you, you don't have the right one period? I don't know, because I got pulled over on my way to California too, and I got out of it by crying. Oh yeah, got out of it by crying.

Not crying. Yeah. Not crying that got me out of it. Got see, there's the words again. There's the fucking words. I got out of it by crying. It was a decision. My tear ducts destroyed. Yeah, okay, yeah, I did just cry. tear ducts were destroyed. I was having a rough go of it. But I even told them that I didn't have my interest card because I had my whole life packed up in my car, my little, my little challenger. He pulls me over and I've got like just gobs of bags of things. What's this? Oh, New Mexico.

Oh. Yeah, it was New Mexico or like the end of Texas. And so we get up to the window and I can just feel the tears just like sitting right there. So that's you're you concocting your plan to cleverly get out of the ticket. I can just feel it coming up, you know, like you can feel like the throw up coming up, you know. And so I start like looking for my my insurance. I can't find it. I can't find it.

He gets the door and I'm like, so I'm moving, I can't find my insurance. You know, there's all this stuff going on in my life and like I actually told him what was going on. And so he's like, he's looking at me like, okay, okay. And he just gave me a whole new- He's thinking, lady, I have a job to get away from this.

Right, why don't you fucking back it in. Why don't you clean out your insurance cards? Okay, and you just gave me a lady I have a job to get away from this Why don't you fucking back it in? Why don't you clean out your insurance cards? I've never tried to get out of a ticket before and that's the first time I did it and it was totally... I wasn't trying to at all. I just legitimately was Boeing Mars. Now you get what all the rage is about. Can we go clean the insurance cards out of your car? After the show, because that's reprehensible. Five, six, and oh, okay.

I don't know if I wanted you to look in my car right now. Yeah, other people snooping around your shit makes it gives you a weird insecure feeling, doesn't it? Yeah. Because they might find weird stuff that you didn't know that you had in your private area, right? Uh- right? Yeah. How's that for irony? Hey, you know what makes me a rage? Quick-shaming. When you're on a website, like you get a LinkedIn article, and on this website, the entire article dims and instead of being popped up and they ask you to sign up for their news letter.

And the options are yes, sign me up. And then it's like, no, I don't want to be healthy. You know, or like, no, I'm not sure what it is. You can be got more women or whatever stupid bullshit it says. Like, you know, you can just still fuck yourself. I don't yourself. I don't need that you're fucking attitude in my life. The fact that you would do, I just hear this fucking read an article, it's not bad enough that you're getting in my way trying to read this article and that you're serving me ad and that you're begging me to send up your emails, but not you're shaming me. So they're sending me, so I don't want to be healthy. Those are the words you're making me put in my mouth.

Yeah. Just so I can decline the stupid fucking offer. Fuck you. So loaded. This is the loaded statement. With apps, like when they're trying to get you to rate their app. Like are you enjoying a Reddit app, and then you either click yes,

which will take you to review it? And no, I'm not. Or I can't wait for my mom to die. Thank you. Well, I guess yes. Congratulations, Reddit. You got to review out of me. Hey, dick, there's the saw.

I don't mean that. I just want to be clear that was a joke, that I was an extreme scenario that I absolutely don't want. That's why I said it. My mom's great, great woman, got her Aladdin tickets for Christmas. I don't think she was too crazy about it though. I don't know.

She wouldn't be. Oh, yeah, damn it. But Hamilton was too much. There you go. Phenomenon, that's happened a lot to me recently, and it really makes me a rage. So in these assholes who think they're comedians, instead of staying goodbye,

they like to say, see you next year. Oh. Ha, ha, ha. It's very funny and original. I bet people enjoy your presence. All right, Roadridge Chicago felt like a dream man. Thanks. Hey, see you next year. Oh, God. Are you fucking asshole?

No. Uh... Bidic show. This is Andrew Oregon. We were my first voicemail in the year. What makes me rage is people who cannot fill a magazine with cartridges to capacity. It's employee in the left one or two, you know, rounders. No, it's hard to put it in there. There are two fucking little ones in it.

These are the same people that complain about glocks. They're like bricks. You know, I really want to hang that nice picture on the wall. These are the same people that complain about glocks. It's like, you know... They're like bricks. You know, I really want to hang that nice picture on the wall. I really want to do that. But honey, unfortunately, the hammer that I bought, it's just too ugly. Exceptional for libel nail-gun. It's not pretty enough, darling.

Sorry, I can't finish rooting the house. My, my, yeah, stable gun is, it's not just not good looking enough. I need a nice, pretty cool. No, that's not it. So, do you know anything about guns? I mean, this company called Glock makes bricks, basically,

that have triggers on them, that are impossible to hold in a hand. This company called Glock makes bricks, basically, that have triggers on them. They're impossible to hold in a hand. And they've done a marketing campaign for people like Andrew to buy these guns and say they're good except you can't physically hold them. They might as well be like a Everlasting Gobstopper that you're trying to hold. Might as well be a beanbag.

I thought he was talking about loading magazines. Yeah. Secondly, because there's a 10 round capacity on magazines in California, you have an eight round clip because it's so, because you can't, it's so illegal to put 11 rounds in there that the spring has to be pressed against the very bottom of the clip. So you can't, you, if you go to the range and want to like evenly split with your friend, shooting the bullets that cost a dollar a piece. And your fucking friend has these monster caveman thumbs that can squish easily 10 rounds into a clip.

You have to shred your slightly less, extremely masculine thumbs by cramming the bullets in or else they fuck you out of a round every single time because of the 10 round, because a 10 round magazine comfortably flips eight bullets. That's why. And Andrew from Eugene Oregon is one of these guys that has genetically fucking steel thumbs that doesn't make you any more of a man who can cram in 10 bullets every time. But that's don't play don't play into the lawmakers game of shaming me for not being able to fill up a magazine.

I should I should have a magazine the length of my dick to cram bullets into very long is what I'm saying I should have a magazine. I should have a yard. I should have a three-foot magazine the size of a fucking yardstick That I shoot the entire 50 bullet box in I cram it all in at one time and then I go shoot Do not play into the lawmakers games and start shaming me for not being able to fill up in a ridiculously short magazine, a ridiculously short magazine, ridiculously short, 10 bullets. Have you ever had a load of magazine?

I'm sure that I've been shooting a bunch of times when I was younger. I'm sure that I have. And a bunch of times when I was when I was younger I'm sure that I have and you shred the fuck out of your fingers if you ever because and it always it barely It barely gives like you can almost squeeze it in But then you fucking can't and then you remember that you're working with bullets so you probably shouldn't be prying it in Can't can't possibly have 11 There would just be so many murders if it was comfortable to load a fucking magazine. There would be just way too many dead children on our hands.

Fucking bullshit. And it's bullshit, is he around Andrew, that is absolute bullshit. Big foul, dude. Big foul, dude. Big foul. Andrew that is at that is absolute bullshit big foul dude big foul dude big foul Oh Just 2018 is not starting oh it's I fucking I fucking hate it when I counted out of my head Eight oh here comes the bullshit here comes the bullshit Here comes here comes Diane finestein with her strap on fucking me from behind.

I'm at the range. Coach has abs, coach, blah, blah, one hand that he's loading fucking magazine. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Here's me. Okay, everyone, please avert your eyes and look away while I try to cram two more bullets into this 10 round magazine. Don't look at me in the eyes while I'm doing this. Because it's embarrassing.

Hey, Dick, you know what makes me a rage is white people who adopt their kids. I met the gym earlier today. It's group workout day. So I'm working out with this older white lady and I'm a young man so I can go a little faster than her. And it's fine. I finish my bit and she finishes hers. She takes a break and

I clean up our stuff and afterward she starts apologizing to me about, you know, how slow she was going and it's perfectly fine. I don't care. I'm just here to work out and I said no, no really. It's okay. It was fun working out with you and And she's like, oh, you say that, but I know how you types are. So I say, what do you mean you types? That's just racist, kind of jokingly. She's like, I can't be racist. My kids are black. Yeah, but that doesn't excuse you

from being a presumptuous black. I'm just trying to be nice to you. I like to work out with you. That's the end of it. Why are you trying to make me feel bad? Oh. I don't know anybody who has adopted not their race of kids.

Seems like impossible to ignore though. Yeah. Oh, interesting. I guess I just know Angelina Jolie who's done it and she seems like a piece of shit. Brad Pitt. He seems cool. He seems like he's made some bad decisions though. If I was his friend, I'd say, oh man, come on. I do know a girl who is, she's born in Bangladesh and she was adopted by like extremely white people from Michigan. Like as an infant. So she has

this little like Indian or Bangladesh, she's looking girl with this hard Michigan accent. And she like goes crazy with red wings hockey. It's just the fucking funniest thing to see ever. Coach is sister who's adopted. Yes, she's Asian. Yeah, she's adopted and there's and she just talks like a you know, yeah, foreign white girl. Yes. She's Asian. Yeah. She's adopted and she just talks like a, you know, California white girl. Yep. And their dad has all this Asian stuff or all around the house. He walks around in a kimono with like his hair pulled back

in a Samurai bun. Coach's dad is cool. Yeah, and he tapes his eyes. And then when people follow him on it, he's like, I adopted it. Yeah, right. Yeah, I can totally be Mickey Rune. He takes the tape off because I adopted an Asian child.

Don't you fucking, I'm not racist at all. And then you're like, okay, okay. And he puts the tape back on. Yeah. I'm just kidding about all that stuff. Jamie, here's some voicemails for you. You got some voicemails. Hey, it's Jayoff's cowboy from Reddit. Hey, it's chaos cowboy from Reddit.

Oh, I was listening to the show, Jameel and Hughes. Hey, tell modern music, was she born in the wrong generation, is that it? Yeah, what a millennial thing to say. Yeah, true. That's right. Very millennial thing to say. I don't ever say that shit.

Me and the Gen X crew just say, you know what? I hate it all. And I hate that you're looking at me and talking to say. I don't ever say that shit. Me and the Gen X crew just say, you know what I hate at all and I hate that you're looking at me and talking to me don't fucking look at me. That's Gen X. Millennials are all like, I'm like born in the wrong decade and this art doesn't express me correctly because I'm an old soul. here's another one. I think this guy wants to compliment you. Hey, it's a cast cowboy from Reddit again. Jamie Lynn Hughes doesn't remember playing Smirr the Queer because she didn't play it. Again, that's a millennial thing.

That's a millennial thing. Such a millennial. She's, that's a millennial thing. That's a millennial. She's like the prototypical millennial. Oh my god! I'm like... I use none of the ones. Jamie. Jamie.

How dare you say no one gives a fuck about Alabama? They're eleven and one. They've been lost to fam games. They've lost the iron bowl and they still make a plan way off right now to play in the sugar bowl dance club center if they win for a national championship

everybody give a fuck about alabama i mean fuck next day to get what you know ten thousand votes to be the new senator everyone was alabama I mean, fuck, Nick Saber got what, you know, 10,000 votes to be the new senator. Yeah. Everyone loves Alabama. Everyone loves Alabama. You know what people haven't heard of? Texas.

Oh, here we go. Here you go. Oh, here's Facebook news. Oh, yeah? Fuck, I got some stuff from Hazencruz, Hazencruz too. Cool. Let me play Hazencruz's thing for you. Anything I'm gonna have to bleep.

Hi, Bill Nye here with your dick show NYE Resolutions. Get it? Because NYE spells Nye and it's also an abbreviation for New Year's Eve. It's funny. Like my new show Annette Flix. The new year is Nye as they say, so let's chubram in! In Y.E. Resolution Number 1! Let's end global warming next year. All we really need to do is make some reddit post and have some factories in China run with cleaner energy. Resolution Number 2! Let's all finally admit that there's more to human kind than just male and female.

There's Zims and Zers and Demi girls, oh my! The human spectrum is much more complicated than we once thought back when I was making my old show. So let's embrace the change that tumblers forcing down our throats, put it in all our shows. Lastly, resolution number three. Let's get more women into the stem field. Girls normally don't choose stem jobs,

so it's up to us as men to force that change onto them. By getting an abacus instead of flowers for Valentine's Day. We've got to force our daughters to stay home to math instead of going out on the weekends and having fun and doing sleepovers. It'll turn out great, guys. Maybe we'll even have a Jill Nye someday. Well, that's all for now now get out there and save the world next year Okay, thanks, Bill. Mike Give you an abacus for Valentine's though TI85 calculator It's gonna give you okay Facebook news

Hello dick and hello dickheads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. In a special holiday edition of the Dictator Facebook group news, many of Dickheads share their holiday cheer with everyone. Like Zach Dobben-Mire, who saw an advice on whether or not to make small talk or avoid a person he actively hates. Beating his ass was an in-option because apparently this guy is kids. One asked why he hates this guy's ex- it's because he was the commissioner of a golf league and he kicked him out of the golf league for throwing clubs.

An accusation that Zach can ice. He also says this guy ran an unemployment benefits operation for the greater half of eight years and ate his piece of shit. It's worth mentioning, Zach received no advice on this post as people were significantly more interested in the unemployment scheme. Next up is Robert Hanuk, who said his brother decided to come out as non-binary this Christmas. Rob's dad said that isn't a real thing, and his non-binary brother proceeded to throw a fit and leave the house.

Rob said he wouldn't give a shit if he ever ceased his brother again, because this is the 10th holiday in four years that he has made his mother cry. A last story comes from Wesley Bison who decided to eat an edible. The problem is, Wesley ate an entire cake without reading the measurements or instructions for that matter. Wesley consumed nearly 2,000 milligrams of THC, rookie numbers compared to Sean, but catastrophic for most people. Oh, no. Westerly said he won completely insane, and it was a single most painful experience of

his entire life. This is Baton that Xyo Facebook reviews for the last couple days. That poor man. Thank you, Captain Jackass. I've had a bad, a couple of bad nights with too much weed. And I can, it makes me uncomfortable just hearing that he did that. Well, you're bad at nights with too much weed. Getting very paranoid.

Oh. Yes. Upedibles? No, just like regular. Yeah. At least it's over fairly quickly, you know. It doesn't feel that way. No, no, it doesn't.

My dad had a, I've got a couple of too much edible story. My dad tried to make brownies on time, but he didn't know how to do it recently when it started getting legalized. And he threw a whole bag in to the brownies, it was making them. He didn't know to like do it in the butter. Well, but then, because he's a sugar man,

he took the bowl back and licked the bowl in the beaters because my mom wasn't around. So he's like, oh yeah, here we go. I'm like, fuck an eat all this, all this batter. Forgetting that, what was batter was also loaded. Right? So he was out and he was like, yeah, he's headed all this yard work I was going to do, but I started feeling really weird. Yeah, I bet. Yeah.

I bet the brownies didn't get baked either. Yeah, I didn't even want them. I just, I said on the couch, I fell asleep at like three. Yeah, we're here. There was another part of that story that I thought was funny and that was that it was somebody else's weed. Yeah. Oh, it wasn't. So somebody shows up with the yours. No, a little payback for the underwear. No, it wasn't. Wasn't mine. Okay. Um, let's see.

I got to end on a sad note. Bummer ending. Oh, great. No, yeah, we lost a dickhead in the, in the Facebook group over Christmas. You mean like lost? Yeah, gone, gone. Oh, shit. Um, I really fucking sucks.

Really cute girl. Julian Greenberg. It's real. It's not a joke. I wouldn't think he'd be joking. Well in the Facebook group they they liked it. I know. Yeah. Like an expected thing. I mean, no, I don't know. I haven't, I don't know very much about it. I would guess, I think it's some kind of overdosed thing. But I don't know. Dustin started a fund to send some flowers. But I don't know if, I don't know what's going on with it if you're in the Facebook group.

I'll post the link, you closed it. It went way above what the expected. So like the biggest pot of flowers that they could send was like 300 and some change. Yeah. And they doubled it. So he went ahead and closed it. And so now they're trying to figure out what to do with the rest because her boyfriend is in the group. Alex.

Yeah, Alex. Yeah, really. It really fucking sucks. Yeah. She was cute. Yeah. You know, and he also, you know, that's worse. Sean. Oh, God. And so I don't, I don't think he's too thrilled with her family. That's what I get out of it too. Yeah. And so they're, they're trying

to figure out what they could do with the rest of it. That's not just sending it to her family. So give it to him. Yeah, they're trying to figure out what they can do. I read a bunch of posts about it. I read one from him saying that he's just been drinking a lot and playing Mass Effect 3 multiplayer. A lot of people are still playing it. That game came out in 2012, so maybe, maybe the guy needs a switch.

Yeah. Or an Xbox One X, perhaps. With the leftover money. It was a little weirdly poetic, but also awkward, I don't know. Depends on how Alex feels about it, but all of the anionic Fs to pay respects. Oh yeah, that one.

It fucking sucks. I got the news when I was at Primeism. It was like, oh fuck man. I know I know I recognize I recognize her name instantly. I recognize your face and all the fucking posts. You always had nutty nutty posts Like relationship like TMI posts about their relationship, and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, here we go. I want to get it I want to see what's going on here. They're young. I assume yeah, yeah Here we go, I wanna get it. I wanna see what's going on here. They're young, I assume.

Yeah. Yeah. Sex, sex. Bummer. Yeah, that's it. So whatever Dustin's doing with that, I hope he gets something out of it. I mean, I get, I understand,

I understand that flowers is the thing to do, but fuck man, that's expensive flowers. He's probably got some bills that they could take care of. Alex? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, see you next Tuesday. Be careful, watch out for those.

Stay on top of it. Stay on top of your drugs.