The Dick Show - Episode 84 - Dick on Nuttin

Episode Date: January 9, 2018

Weed should be illegal again, Count Dankula calls in with a fuckery update, Denzel gets cramps, Nick Rekieta goes over Asterios' lolsuit defense and defines defaming, Scotland brings the dumbest asshole in the world out of retirement, an erotic story of an attempted ravishment, The Dick Show Album draws near, the world's wiggliest dildo, Road Rage: Portland is confirmed, I fix Dredd in a new Dicktation, car alarms, throwing chicken skins in the garbage, and Sean is not attracted to a cartoon; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I'm starting to talk about eggs salad. You're fault. Is that thing? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

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Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Welcome to Dick. You need Dick. You want to dig. You love Dick. It's the only show where everything is a lawsuit coming to you live from a concrete bunker in the side of the mountain deep in the heart of the city of failure. I am your host, Dick Masterson, the 20 million dollar man joining me. Like always,

Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? God, I feel weird today. Yeah, I feel real weird and out of it, man. 2018 is off to a bad start. Yeah? I don't know what, well,

we were pretty optimistic last week. Well, it was a yo-wai-ya. Yeah. Took a week to go to total shit, huh? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Too optimistic. How's that ex-Hellad? The ex-Hellad that I'm eating in the morning.

Yeah. I'll hang over as hell. It's weird. It's delicious. Ex-Hellad, but it's a bizarre. It's part of the many bizarre things that I'm doing already in 2018. Gotcha, okay, let's talk about the first week of 2018. Okay, first, let me give you a recap of what we're going to be doing today.

And then I'll tell you why 2018 is already so fucked that I want it to be over. It's only just begun. The dickhead has discovered that we are doing road rage Portland on February 24th. It wasn't a secret, was it? It was a secret. Oh no. It was a secret. Okay. I said to Diego, look, this is, I'm very particular about the way I announce things. Very particular. Every announcement to me is like a baby's gender reveal party. I needed to be secretive and meticulously controlled down to the last detail.

Right. So don't release it in a silly way. Or it's Googleable. Keep it under wraps. But the dickheads, they found it. I don't know how they found it, but they found it. What's that from? Run for it, Marty.

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They found it. And then you see it. Who do you think? Oh man, what the hell? The dickheads. The dickheads.

They found it. Marty, I don't know how they found when Rolleridge Portland is, but they found it. Who dick? You can't be R-H. If you, if you're R-H and you fail that reference, you should just be probably a robot. Yeah.

You're probably some kind of a black mirror clone. God, dude, black mirror is the new season. It's so fucking terrible. I don't know what that is. A black mirror? No. It's a twilight zone for our generation. Really?

Now look, I'm getting ahead of myself. I can't quite about this. Portland, February 24th, road rage is going to be a very special road rage. We're going to be releasing the dick album. It's going to really dick unplugged Portland. We're going to be releasing the album. It's gonna be we're gonna be celebrating that album and we're gonna be covering it. Some of it you and I, which I meant to talk to you about before I said, okay, here we go. You did not mean to talk to me about it. It's a great fucking album. I just recorded the final track last night. That's what you said. Yeah, it's fucking great. It's great.

Leccembra, San Glaze, Vistas, Water Boy, Todd Sight, everybody's got their finger in the pie of this album. Yeah, okay. Right, it's disgusting. Everybody's disgusting. Yeah, they really ganged up on it. They really ran a train on your ears on this album. Stereo, but that's the problem.

We're waiting for this fucking lawsuit to get resolved because some of us are more reckless in our comedy than others, so because some of us think this is a fucking joke, the lawsuit, and we're treating it like it's a fucking joke. An expensive joke, a joke to the tune of a Bitcoin that it's costing us. But a joke nonetheless. Some of us are treating it like that,

but some of us don't. And that's fine. They have their reasons. So we gotta wait till it's resolved to release a fucking album. And there's just, there's really no telling when that will be. No, no's not. There's the wheels of justice turn slowly, but they grind to a, to a, with finality.

I don't know how the end of that quote goes. Well, it's, if you're on the, if you're on the wrong end of it, it's like being run over by a steam roller. Yeah, it's inevitably going to kill you, but it's going to take a while. It's going to completely obliterate you. Yeah. Where everyone for eternity are going to, like aliens are going to come down after Maddox dies and whatever, Maddox.xmission.com goes into prostate court and nobody renews it and all that content gets deleted.

Aliens are going to come down and search Maddox, you know, 3000 years from now, somebody's going to type it in. Hey, it was a, like, I'm mad at some hearing so much about Angelina Jolie's kid. He said he was based on this other satirist. They're going to type it in. The only thing that's going to come up is Bill Board and the lawsuit. It's a fucking lawsuit. Okay.

Anyway, so we got to wait, we we gotta wait for the lawsuit to get resolved. I think to release a fucking album, but I don't know, or else we gotta tap dance around it. So I wanna stereos to be involved in the thing. Cause I don't feel good about, you know, just leaving a man behind anyway. Yeah. I think Count Daniel is gonna call in.

Good. Today, the guy with the Nazi pug, the guy who's in a, who's facing a lawsuit of his own. I think Nick Rikki is gonna call in. And I think Denzel is gonna call in too, but I don't see him in the chat. So this is, dude, 2018 started with a bang in California.

The legalization of recreational weed. We need to immediately repeal that. Yeah. That was a big mistake. That was a big mistake. Are you just jumping on board the sessions train? No, I'm jumping. I was jumping sessions is jumping on board. My, uh, you fucking lied to me about how much of this edibles to take. Oh, God. Yeah. We went right after recording on January 1, when it was, oh man, I was so excited. I was so excited for this legalization of a vice. Hadn't Coach already been to a store?

Well, he always goes to stores. Nobody knew that morning. Yes. Yeah, he was texting me while we were doing the show. Like, hey buddy, you got to check it out. Legalization of weed, you got to go support the cause. I couldn't have been more excited. Like when you, like when you're, when you're,

when you brew anytime you're involved in something illicit. My spidey senses start tingling, right? But now this is like, now this is legal. This just changes the conversation so much. We don't have to hide anymore. I can walk in, I could walk in and just swing it around, swing the vice around right in everyone's face. So I was probably, I was definitely too excited. I embarrassed myself at one store by not realizing that the guy had probably been, it looked like somebody had parked a U-Haul beside of a Chinese laundromat

and was selling, pretending like it was part of the strip mall, like in the Raiders of the Lost Ark, when they, when Salah gets tricked into driving the Jeep into the truck and then they closed the truck and it's the Nazis and they drive away, you know. He was that the third one? Is that? You're right. That is the third one.

It's goofy. Yeah. We'll do that in the first one. Right, right. But I go into this store, all excited, talking, asking this girl, okay, how much, what do I got here? I don't wanna do something special and silly. I wanna really do this upright to celebrate

the legalization of this thing that should have always been legal. So let me get some, let me get some, let me get some gum drops over here. Let me get some muffins, some banana muffins, whatever you got, give it to me. But I gotta tell you something, I get very paranoid and I don't know how much of this to take. So how much should I take, right?

Eat something that you figure it's easily done. How much of this should I do? So if I'm giving you a bunch of liquor and you say how much of this should I do, just take a shot. Not too much. Wait and see. Wait and see.

Take a shot. Have a beer. I have three beers. You're drinking 10 men. That's too many beers. Yeah, three beers is not gonna get you into a place where you don't wanna be. Yeah, so I figure, I figure this is,

I'm a customer. This is how retail works. You don't want to, you don't want to send your customer into an existential oblivion for several hours, right? She should have just said no edibles. No edibles for you. No edibles for you. But she said, here you go.

Here you go. And I say it's a hundred on it. What does that mean? Oh, that's a hundred. It's just for fun, they put that, a hundred MGs. 100 MGs of THC. It's a design choice of theirs. Does it how much of this do I take?

Ah, this little girl, I take the whole thing. Yeah. You should probably, you could take the whole thing. No big deal. And I say huh well I'm not gonna get out done by a girl You better give me like three or four of these things, you know, I got I got all day And I really want to have a good start to the year. I want all day

You better have three days if you have three of them. I really want to ring in 2018 with a bang now make a lot of the same mistakes I made in 2017. I got all day of playing Golden Eye and Mario Maker to sit around and do jack shit. Just recorded a spicy podcast episode. Okay, nothing to do all day. I get them. Get back, get back home, get in the car. Jamie, Jamie Lynn Hughes is here. She's here, she goes, well, the package says you should only do five milligrams. Oh my God.

Jamie. Come on, come on. How many, how many chicks am I gonna listen to today? You know, you know what I'm saying? Right. Says it's not even dusk yet. I'm already getting pushed around. Quote is filled.

Yeah, give me the, I'll tell you what, cut it. Cut it, I'll split the difference. You want me to take a sliver? She want me to take the whole thing? Cut it in half. I'll take a half. Take a half. It's an, it was an inescapable prison of the mind.

Inescapable from which there was no relief, no second of relief. For hours, for hours, and hours. I felt like I was in a black mirror episode. I'm like, this is what they're talking about when John Ham locks people in those little silly putty balls and torches them for eternity. This is what they're talking about. This is wrong. We gotta get rid of this. In our excitement, in our excitement

to be a libertarian utopia, we forgot about the very real ramifications of this recklessly endangering. I was so, I was so calm, I couldn't even be pissed at that chick. Like I wanted to reach for my phone and call them up See what you did to me you're too high to sit Right, I mean it's one of those I can't do any I didn't understand the concept of sitting Yeah, I was like this it can't be this can't be right cuz it feels like torture. I'm gonna fall over

I'm gonna fall I'm falling already gonna fall, I'm falling already. How do I stop this falling? I have to get on the ground, but you don't believe gravity. There's too much truth on the ground. I can't get down there. I'm gonna just stare forward until this goes away.

It's gotta be, what could it be? A couple minutes, 10, 15 minutes. This could be nothing you could you can't buy like I know I know how I know how drugs are fat Vikin's it's high. You're high and then it's gone and then Last longness for you to put on your favorite house DVD and then you just kind of mellow out Not so no Lasted forever. Yeah. Forever. And it was it was a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a fucking nightmare. And that that chick who that chick back at the shop is there giggling to herself, twirling her hair around, fiddling with her nose rings. Do she's perpetrating this crime, and it is a crime, getting people, taking advantage of people, getting them so loaded that they can't move, and that they have to face all the terrible decisions that they've made in their life

and think about them for six hours. Just like emasculating them into taking way more than they should be taking. This ultimate perspective vortex that I did not sign up for, that you should not be able to buy for six dollars. What was the weed in it? What was it made with? Uh, uh, Devil's Jizz. Oh, okay.

The Devil fucked a fleshlight, and then they solidified, they added some ground up horse bones to his semen. Well, that strain will make you paranoid. Yeah. Oh my God. I had no idea what people were talking about all this time about being paranoid. But now it's it is. It's fucked me up for a whole week.

I can't fucking think straight. Wow. Like, people are talking to me. And my first thought is to pull away from them like a golem cut your eating eggs salad at 10 a.m. I'm eating eggs salad because I don't trust anything anymore. I gotta completely restart everything in my life.

I can't drive my car anymore because that guy fucked up way too much. Yeah, right. I can't sleep in my bed. I sleep under my bed now. Okay. I'm like a Vietnam. I'm like Rambo. Yeah.

John Rambo from the movie Rambo. Yeah. Also starring Brian Dennehy. Hey, speaking of dictation, we do that thing where we sit down and watch it. It was horrible, man. What you did that edible? The edible was fucking horrible. You did the dictation on the. No, no, no, God no, that would be un-

No, it would be un- It would be un- Unlistenable. I'm not, I'm not one of those guys that thinks it's like inherently funny to be drunk. I fuck, I really fucking hate that. I know. I do too. It makes me so angry because if you watch it sober, it's never funny. And what is like, why do you think that? What do you, what magical qualities do you give to drugs that you think you're more? I heard this, uh, it's bullshit. I heard some documentary track on jaws and they were saying that Peter Quint, who is that, who played that dude? Uh, Quint, uh, uh, uh, Robert Shaw, Robert Shaw, they said that Robert Shaw insisted on doing

that scene drunk for like his artistic process. Did he? I heard that. No, he did it drunk. And it was so bad they had to like trick him into doing reshoots of it and then splice it to he wouldn't he wouldn't do the whole thing sober. Really? So they had to trick him into doing reshoots of certain parts, and then they spliced it together. I've never been able to watch that movie the same, after no sex. I'm like, I'll fuck you, man.

No shit. Like, you got millions of dollars writing on you, and you have this hair up your ass. It would be so funny to do drunk. Well, and he was the one who was always pissed at, he would get, he didn't think much of Richard Drifus. He thought he was just some young, arrogant, like, didn't take the craft seriously, all this kind of stuff.

And then they got a long better, serious, yeah, they got a long better as the film went on, I guess. But that was like, yeah, he was like, he was supposed to be the trained actor and Richard Drifus was just this young fuck up. Dude, that chick is, at the dispenser he's doing that all fucking day to people perpetrating this, perpetrating this evil on people. So I went to, like I punched it into the Google, hey, how much, hey, by the way,

how much should I be doing? And it sent me to this other site that was basically wishy-washy, like, yeah, it's called the first time five. That's what they call it, the first time five. You stick under five MGs. So I say, okay, I'd like to learn more. I'd like to learn more.

Because it's gonna take an hour or so before you get, it's not like you get high in three minutes. I'd like to know more. So I click on that, fucking interstitial pop-up installer. You gotta be fucking kidding me. This whole thing is set up to fuck you. This whole thing is set up to turn you into an asshole. Oh man.

Okay. This is what I was gonna say about black mirror. Turn you into an asshole. Yeah. Oh man. Okay, this is what I was talking about. This is what I was gonna say about Black Mirror. You haven't seen it? No. Dude, great show. Really? Greatest first two seasons plus a Christmas episode, maybe ever on TV.

Really, first two seasons, because that's impressive, because a lot of people come out with a bang and it's like then the second season, you're like, what the fuck happened? It's like, so the first two seasons because that's impressive because a lot of you know come out with a bang and it's like then the second season you're like what the fuck happened. It's like uh... So the first two seasons are a couple episodes a piece. Three or four episodes a piece. Are they real long? Is it like Sherlock? I don't know what Sherlock. It's Sherlock with a, it was like an hour long I'm assuming. They're like movie length kind of short movie length. Okay, these are like a little bit over an hour. Okay. And the Christmas special though is like two hours long,

but it's several mini episodes like cut into, it's absolutely fucking perfect. Perfect, perfect TV. Tell everybody to watch it, right? I would just go around, oh, you gotta watch, like you gotta watch the Christmas episode. Mad man is in it. I'm gonna watch it.

Listen to me, listen to me. Se'm gonna watch it. Listen to me. Listen to me. Seasons three and four. Absolute garbage. God, there's been that many seasons out? Netflix bought it and just fucked the juice, fucked the blood out of it until it's dead. Well, did you say that Netflix, your green lit,

you know, like the South Park, where they just pick up the phone, they answer the phone. It's like Netflix, your green lit. Oh, that's, I don't watch South Park anymore. Yeah, because the Trump stuff. Oh really? Yeah, I can't I can't take it Oh, like I don't understand what the joke is and then it makes me question everything else that they're doing oh Boy, okay, I don't know Dude they took it they took Black Mirror and they made it the, I think the worst, maybe the worst show on television. Season three and four. It's like fan fiction.

It was, it was like, it was like being on edibles. The first two seasons were like being in that ultimate perspective hell that you cannot escape, but you could turn it off. Yeah. And you think about it off. Yeah. And you think about it and talk about it. Seasons three and four are like shitting all over that memory. Seasons three and four are like seeing pornography, like the porn ads of the Simpsons of the

memory of your memory of the black mirror episodes. They're so fucking bad. They are, first of all, there's no more ambiguity anymore. It's everyone's either good or bad. Oh, yeah, that's lazy. It's lazy. That's really lazy. And it's totally like the things that they do in the show are now are just basically magic. Like they're just, it's everyone's a fucking clone and it's like, oh, what if you're, what if you're, what if you were a clone and a copy and a clone of a copy?

They got one first episode, full of a bunch of fucking celebrities. Like, exactly what happened in the Simpsons, just. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with the death with cramps on my celebrities into it that it burst. Stop writing and just get big names. Celebrities who don't fucking care that they're there. Yeah, by the way.

Yeah, I knew when I saw like George Harrison on the Simpsons, I was like, there's no reason for George Harrison to be on the Simpsons, really. I mean, it's just... And what do I get out of it? Yeah. What the fuck do I get out of seeing a celebrity being on the Simpsons? Or in a black... No, it's just for... Yeah. Who gives a shit unless their celebrity actors or something, but if they're just celebrities? I still don't care. I'm watching people get turned into computers and I think, well, up. Now I'm thinking about breaking bad, great. Yeah. Now I'm thinking about my man living on my couch for a month and not getting a job. Yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot. You've really fucking increased my

experience of watching this cheap fucking show with cramming celebrities into it. I'm just saying that if it's an actor celebrity, then there's a chance at good acting. Yeah, I can't get over that. As opposed to like Elton John on there or something. I'd like to see Elton John. He was on The Simpsons. Elton John was in Black Mirror already. Oh, he was.

Yeah, he was in the first episode. He played the pig that the Prime Minister fucks on TV. Wow, I mean, I'm in. You haven't seen it. That's the first fucking episode. Elton John playing a pig who gets fucked on TV. Yeah, who gets fucked on TV. Like proper fucked.

Yes. Wow. That's the whole thing of the first episode. This guy's got a fucking a pig on it. Except if it was the new writers, the Prime Minister would fuck the pig and then he would come out and go like, uh, actually I've been cheating on my wife,

with a pig already. Does the pig play piano? Yeah. Really? Like well? Rolls around on. Oh, really? Okay.

Yeah, okay. You're not a big breaking bad fan. Well, for all the people who are... No, no, no, no, I'm sorry, black mirror fan. I just haven't seen it. It's disappointing. Watch the first dude. No, I'm going to.

Watch the Christmas episode. It, I'm going to. Watch the Christmas episode. It'll fuck up. Yes. It'll fuck up your mind forever. Really? It's like Twilight Zone. They're not connected.

Oh, really cool. Yeah. All right. It'll fuck because it's basically about me. Oh boy. The Christmas episode. It's about this guy who like watches through other guys' eyes, teaches them how to fuck girls, and then him and his little audience watch through their eyes.

It's very erotic, very spicy. Is there anything like being John Melchovic? Yeah. Except it's with computers. Oh, yeah. See? No, I'm in. It's cool.

See, they fooled the, the millennials into watching it because it's got computers and stuff in it. It's great though. Yeah. Let's see here. Here's something else that makes me rage. Like Jamie's running out of the room right now to get on a computer and watch.

No, and what? Right, just because we were, you know, you see, she's got made fun of for being a millennial last. Oh yeah, yeah. I'll let me see here a couple times. I can spend a whole fucking episode breaking apart how much I hate the new black mirrors. That's disappointing.

Cause they, but it's twisted, they twisted at the end. So it's every single episode, they twisted at the end so it's stupid. Oh, they have, yeah. Like they have one where like people's memories can be sucked out of their heads. So this woman's got to like increasingly set of desperate murders to hide something that she didn't do in the first place.

Killing people, right? So she finally, the question is, does she kill a baby or not? Right. Because baby saw it and was like, well, fuck, this is what I'm reduced to. I got to kill this baby to get away with something I didn't even do. That's the question. It's a good question. It's a good question, because you gotta think about that.

Like fuck would I do that? Probably. Yeah, so she does it. Then it turns out, then a cop comes in and for no reason says, well, the baby was blind and there was a guinea pig. And now she's definitely gonna be guilty because we found a guinea pig. It's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

What is a guinea pig? Why does this technology work on guinea pigs now? What if the guinea pigs are not looking at the murder? So what was the lesson here? There's a very explicit moral lesson here now. Don't kill the kid to save yourself. Oh, thanks. Thanks for totally ruining. Thanks for totally ruining,

thanks for totally not getting the point of your own fucking show. That there is no, that there is no right answer, that all is the technology increases faster than our conception of morality. We can't invent it fast enough and that it will happen in our lifetimes

and is happening in our lifetimes. And you fucked it up. The is no right answer is interesting. That's actually something that they teach in the armed forces or they give you scenarios and stuff. I was talking to a guy in the army for, and there's two, it's just, there's these mental exercises that it just gets you to make a choice. And it's like, well, what's the right choice?

I can't remember the exact scenarios. Maybe Andrew from Oregon can call in and talk about that. Let me see if he's on. Oh, Andrew, if you know he's talking about the... I don't want to derail it, but yeah. Where it's just like, it was giving me these scenarios and I'm like, well, fuck, those suck, you know, it's like, what's the right thing?

He's like, there is no right answer. You know, have you ever, because you know, like self-driving cars have, they got to make a choice. Like, oh, if a self-driving car sees a dude in the road or a dog, like what's the programming going to tell it to do? Obviously, run over the dog. Of course. Right? Yeah. So there's this really, there's this test that you can take that is like a series of increasingly confusing situations where it's like, do you remember our old roommate was great at that?

Oh, the two on the, no, after. Oh, yeah, after. Yeah, go full. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was great. It's like, holy fuck, how do you come up with? You're like an evil genius. It's like the worst choice ever.

Yeah. Uh, that test is really funny. Co-centred to me. And it's like the choices between, you know, it's the dog or the person. And then it's like, okay, what about a person in the street and then a person on the sidewalk? And it's like, well, you gotta say,

like either you're in the street. I'm supposed to be in the street, they're not. Right. Person on the sidewalk's minding their own business. Right. And then it's like increasingly weird questions like, okay, you can either kill the, you can, you have to avoid an obstacle. But now you have the car has to make the choice between killing the person on the sidewalk or the person in the car. Oh, fuck.

What, in the other car? No, in you, the car's gotta choose to kill the person that's carrying around or a person on the sidewalk minding their own business. Because of another accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the person, right, gotcha. So it's, so you're dying or they're dying.

Yeah, but it's your car that has to pick this. You're doing this. It's a very interesting test. And it made it even more interesting because as I was going through it, I was like making rules for myself. Like, okay, this person made a decision that put them in harm's way.

Exactly. You knew what you signed up for. Yeah, you jumped in the street, but then as it got increasingly difficult and they would put all these stupid stipulations on it. When is it okay to kill yourself? Yeah, which is like windy ever. Right, but yeah.

Your own car. It's your own car. But then it was like, what if it's a rental, what if it's somebody else's, it's gonna say, oh man, okay, this whole thing is fucking me up all day. That's all we, that's like everything to do. So it had this thing at the end

where you could share your, you could share your results and compare them with someone else. And me and Coach got way different results. I was like, really? Yeah. So much of it. I was like, what kind of surprise?

I'm kind of surprised. What kind of decision making were you using for those? And who the fuck is going to be designing this system? Because I sure as hell hope it's not you. Wait, I want to take this. I want to take a sign. And I want to see as hell hope it's not you. Wait, I wanna take this. I wanna take this. I gotta find it. And I wanna see if you find it, I wanna do,

I wonder if I'll be more like you or more like coach. I mean, it shocked me when I got his answers and it said they were so different than mine. No. Because that was when I realized, I sure hope this system is open sourced and like I can at least know what the choice is it's gonna make, so I know who to curse

in my last 10 seconds of life. Like give me a love, like I'm taking a shit and a self-driving car just drives into my fucking house because of a decision coach made. Are there anything where you were like, does it go by each question? And then you're like, whoa, you answered that on that or it was, I don't remember any of them. See, I want,

I just want an example. So, yeah. Well, it started factoring in age. Oh, okay. And I think that's where he started. Because they've had a, they've had a good life. Oh, did he start doing that? I think so. I suspect so. I don't know. He might remember it, but he doesn't, he hasn't listened to the show since I made fun of him for that invoice. Well, everybody's got their breaking voice. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha.

Let me see here. Yeah, so I'm talking about dictation. Yeah, check this out. We do that thing where we listen to a movie and then we talk about it. Do you do a little commentary track during the movie? And we usually talk for the entire time so you can listen to them without having to listen to the movie.

Just so dudes who are like driving a truck can listen to it, you know, not everybody's going to sit there and watch a fucking movie along with us. True. It's just like a little mini. Ego's not that big. Yeah, just mini podcast episode, but they are really fun, because we put it on mute and put the subtitles on, so it's not too distracting for conversation.

Oh, okay. That's how we do it, Sean. That's the magic. Gotcha. Here's the, check out this thumbnail for the last one. We did Dread, Coach and I, Coach and I and Jamie did Dread. That movie's fucking cool. Fucking great.

Where I figured out the one problem that it has and fixed it. Really? I fixed dread in this upcoming dread dictation. You probably didn't know there was a problem with it, but your brain did. Trying to. I've only seen it once, I really liked it.

I wanna watch it again. You should do one of these. I know, I do. I wanna, the next one, I wanna be in on. Okay want to watch it again. You should do one of these. I know I do. I want to the next one. I want to be in on. Okay. Here's the thumbnail. Oh my. That's pretty cool. I've ever seen a thumbnail that hot. That is cool.

You're telling me that you're not turned on by that cartoon that I'm looking at right now. You Mr. No cartoon pornography. I'm not turned on by it. You're not turned on by this cartoon right here that I'm showing you. No. No cartoon pornography? I'm not turned on by it. You're not turned on by this cartoon right here that I'm showing you? No. No.

You're not, you're not, we're looking at the same cartoon. I can't really see it. What's, you want me to shove it right in your face? Well, I can't see it. Get up and look at it. That is, that's a very hot, a very arousing cartoon. Look at the... What is going on with coach's head?

Can't, don't look at coach. What's look at the girl? That's the fuck is that? That's just a, it looks like a man. It looks like a overweight man. It looks like Africa. Shove to buy a baton. Look at the woman, I'm saying.

I am. You're trying, you're purposefully not looking at the woman to not turn yourself on, because it's a very arousing cartoon. Fine, busted. You're telling me no? That's still the no for you? Well, I think it's cool. I don't get turned on by, by, oh my God.

Oh my God. What the hell is wrong with your imagination? I don't know, man. Well, that's going up soon. Let me see here. Here's some more things that make me rich. Hmm. Okay.

This one's from Family Deuter, Hodor. It's that area of my house where my phone is still connected to the Wi-Fi, but it isn't actually getting a signal anymore. Hey, dipshit phone, if you're not getting any data anymore, switch to the four. Sean, it's every single day, the phone, need, need, needily clinging onto any Wi-Fi And it's every single day, the phone,

knead, knead, knead, clinging onto any Wi-Fi that it passes. I know. It's clutching it at a life raft. Every, every fucking day, as I lock the door, I have to now remember to turn off the Wi-Fi because it's totally,'s totally doesn't work. It's like somebody trying to salvage, and I like, well, I'll be like a little Wi-Fi man

in your phone, like that movie with the angry people in your head that's going, just give me another minute. I can make this work. I can make this work, it's free. It's free, the Wi-Fi is free, shut off. No, not worth it. Shut it, shut it down. Stop. Don't grab every stuff. Don't switch.

Don't switch until you know that I can continue texting and getting emails through you. Do not fuck me. Do not make me the guinea pig. I'm tired of working for, I'm tired of being the test case for computers. You work for me. That's all I'm tired of working for computer, I'm tired of being the test case for computers. You work for me. That's all I'm saying. I'm with you. Every single day.

Yep. I got one little, it's not even the Wi-Fi signal, it's the tiniest little point at the bottom is lit up. And that's it. And it wants to stay on that fucking network. Oh, Jerry, hey, good news, Dick. I'm your phone. Good news.

I managed to connect to Cisco 865, Capital Z, Y. I didn't need this. Stop connecting to anything. Only stop connecting in a second you can't connect a band in it. Abort it. Get the fuck out. All right, Denzel's here. Hey, Denzel, what's going on?

Hey, what up, man? How y'all doing? Good, how are you? It's been a while. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a long time because your boy's acting brand new once he started having sex.

Here we go. Yeah. What? There we go. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. So go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go.

We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go.

We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go.

We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. We go. Yeah, when did that when did that happen? What I mean? Well, I started seeing somebody about like three months ago, something like that. Oh, that's why you disappeared. You know, I see whipped. I became that dude who suddenly like starts banging the chick and then disappears.

You know, like good for you like fuck friends. Where did he go? Yeah. No, I prefer I prefer grabbing a beer, cracking open a cold one with the boys. That's probably why we're not doing that. Oh, take a break from all this fucking pussy. It always bugged me when guys would do that.

Like, go on one with a beer from all this pussy. Hard day at the pussy mines. See, Sean knows. Sean knows exactly what's going on. Yeah. All right, so what's the can situation I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show.

I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. mean, she's selling it. Yeah. Nice. Okay. And does she know about your shenanigans on this show and on your show? She listened to my show briefly, real nerd hours. She cried a lot, she's a real dash nerd, dash hours. She was real pissed at some of the stuff I was saying. Like what?

For example, like I would talk shit about her cat. her cat and she really, she's a big fan of her cat. She didn't like me talking shit about her cat. The things like that. Like these were things. It could be worse. Yeah. I will good for you. No more weird stories then, huh?

Well, I still have a weird story. Prior to seeing this lady, I did manage to go out on a date. Hey, do you respect her like your grandma? What were you saying you wanted in a girl? Someone you could respect like your grandma or some shit like that? No, no, no. Should we do that? Just, God, it's being respectful.

Like, just being respectful, generally Generally is what I was getting at. Okay. Well, that's not, yeah. Is she like your grandma in any way? No. Okay. All right. I mean, she would have to have a stroke and then.

Jesus Christ. But she does, she does get some strokes in. You know what I'm talking about? You're having a stroke. Yeah. All right. Okay, so what were you, what were'm talking about? They said you're having a stroke. Yeah, all right. Okay, so what were you gonna say before? So I went out on the date with a lady,

prior to seeing who I'm seeing now. And she, it was cool, like she was a cool lady, but we ended up having sex on the first night, right? And some bad stuff happened. What do you how'd you end up having sex on the first night? Because apparently Once if you're a normal person and you talk to people normally and you can make people laugh. Yeah, that you can you can get it in You figured that out did you

You're a weird keeping it real shit Straight from dead cell well turns out if you talk to people like a normal person you can really you can fuck them right away like a normal person, you can really, you can fuck them right away. All right, good for you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. So, we, you know, just chat it up, take her out for the go-to San Diego date, you go grab a beer at like a brew pub, got food and beer. And if she doesn't drink beer, then you just leave her there. But, you know, she drinks beer so good.

Sneaking the old Denzel, sneaking back in. Yeah. Okay, so what happened? So, we're having sex and it's going pretty well. How do you do it? Are you behind? Are you on your back to shantob cow Well, you know, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing

What doggy style doggy. Yeah, it's when the woman's on all four is in your behinder Yeah, it's a new new thing Yeah, I made it up actually. It's my technique copyright Denzel. Oh, there you go. 2017. Cool. Trademark TM. Yeah.

Registered. Uh, so we're having sex and as soon as I nut, I get this like really insane abdominal cramp. Oh no, he's get the pains again. So I hit the, I get the bad. At least my pie from my Alta pills. How hard were you? How hard were you nutting?

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. off the end of the bed. I'm with gizz, like a fire hose. Hey, Dan's gonna give me a warning when you're gonna come. It's not gonna matter. Okay, so it came so hard that you gave yourself a hernia. So I'm like hunched over on top of her for like a solid like a 10 or 15 seconds after I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, you lift back up, she's dead. Are you trying to play it off? Like that you're just still into cuddling with her on top of her like a corpse? Like she's like, she's like she's got like I wasn't

when Forrest Gump's hauling people out of Vietnam. I can see I keep carrying him out. Yeah. Oh my God. No, I couldn't play it off unfortunately. You know, you know, you know how I deal with pain at this point. I mean, I'm hunched over. Like a little girl.

Like trying to like breathe it out. Like I'm like trying to like take some breaths, you know what I mean? And I'm like, oh shit. It goes in reverse. He blows his love. And he's like, oh, don't move. Don't move. Don't move.

And she's just, and she's just, like, much over there. She's like freaking out a little bit. She's freaking out. Okay. She's displeased about it. And she get off. She's like, what the fuck is happening? And I said, oh, I have a cramp.

I have a cramp. I have a cramp. And she's like, what? What? You have a cramp? And I was like, yeah, Abdomin, like in my abs, like my abs, I'm cramping. She's like, oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. And what? Why is that important? Well, she freaks out because she thinks that I'm having chest cramps. Oh, she thinks I'm having a heart attack. And so she starts freaking out and crying. She's like crying.

They always end in tears. But this guy always thinks I just have that effect on people. She's like crying. I'm like, she's like sitting. They always end in tears. But this guy, I'm just going to have that effect on people. So she's crying and I eventually get myself off of her. And she, again, she doesn't do anything, right? She just sits there and she starts crying harder because she thinks that I'm dying. And like she's not doing anything about it.

And I was just like, no, no, no, no, it's just my abs. It's just, and she just doesn't understand. It's just because I was saying she's so much. Yeah. I'm so old. It's just because you made me come so hard. I blew out an ab, an abacus muscle. I just need a banana, a little low in potassium.

I'm fine. Then I'll be right back into traumatizing you, sweetheart. Yeah. So keep the oven on. Yes, yeah. Keep it warm for daddy, please. It's hard to play that off cool when you're doubled over with an app. Yeah, it turns out like she she just I don't know. I eventually got free of the cramp and then it was super awkward

obviously because she had I've been having like a heart attack. I would have just been dead. She was just crying. She was just been hysterically crying. Yeah, exactly. You need to start wearing a life alert bracelet. Yeah, yeah. Just to reassure her. Again, don't worry if I'm having a heart attack. Or like something at the EMTs will come. Or like something that is fucking

that is posting you, that is posted before you get on a roller coaster. That says things that might happen. Like if you have, it's like when, when, when writing Denzel, he might, yeah, have a hard condition. Lots of things may happen. So just know this going in. Don't be alarmed. It's, don't be alarmed if I get an abdominal cramp. It's not the first time it's happened. Fucking Denzel is like playing a game of operation. If you, you might move wrong and there will be an alarm.

Right. But it's just a game. It's all right. Right. So what's, how'd you call her down? I didn't. She just kept crying. She just kept crying.

And this was like around the time when I was shaking that whole realness shit. So I kind of just let her cry and then I left. Yeah. Yeah. Did you ask her like why she was crying or anything like that? No, I was just like, like I tried for maybe a total of 30 seconds to calm her down.

I was just like, all right, I'm over it. And I laughed. Is there any, check out the crowd on you, Sean? First of all, have you ever injured yourself during sex? Like some, definitely some near misses for injuries? Yeah. What were you doing? When what almost got injured? Oh, my dick.

How'd you almost, because she popped off of it and then tried to drive it that, yeah. That's a common one. That's a common one. Well, because chicks grow up seeing on cinematics, girls bouncing around like they're riding a bull. And you're like, look, it's a fucking, I don't have that much rope to feed you.

You're gonna have to prune your movements down to the couple of inches. Right. That's, oh, yeah, that's a potential fucking life altering sex is such a fucking nightmare. Because then the more you get into it, the more they start forgetting that, you know, they're not writing a 16 inch cock that they've got to keep things kind of down to earth. Yeah, that's what happened. Did you stop, was it so bad that you had to stop? No. No.

I feel like I've gotten muscle cramps and stuff. And just put my power through it. Yeah. Yeah. Try to ship whatever is, you know, into another position. Yeah. No. Well, a good job, Denzel.

I'm glad that you can drop that real shit. Yeah. I forgot. Whatever. It doesn't matter. You want to give a shout out to your lady friend? No. I'm going to make sure that you have a good call.

Good call. All right. What makes you rage? Hey, by the way, did you see the new, the CNX Tuesday media network that I put together? Oh, let's see. It's cont.media. Oh, all the shows are, all the CNX Tuesday network shows are on that.

It's cont.media. Well, don't look at it now. Look at it later. Whoa, so I already pulled it up. Looks good. Looks good, thank you. It's very, very straightforward. You got anything that makes you rage?

Oh, boy. as of right now No, too much sex Too much sex getting too much pussy. Ha ha. You know what? You know what? I don't like the cuddling post sex. Don't like it. Don't like it. I need my space. Yeah What the fun? Like what? Who's mind is it a good idea? space. What the fun? Who's mind is it a good idea after you get down banging and everybody's like all uncomfortable and hot and sweaty? Let's get closer together. It's a fundamental difference between men and women I think when it comes to that. Yeah, I don't want you touching me when I'm asleep. I don't even want you on my side of the bed

Yeah, I need I need my I need to be I need air surrounding me. I yeah, it's I need a buffer I don't need just I don't just need not to touch you I need to know that you're on your own side of the bed. Oh, yeah, yeah, that you're fucked off completely. I Need I need a bed where at night, I can turn a crank and the beds will separate. So that she'll try to roll over to get close and just fall into a nameless oblivion. Yep.

That'd be perfect. And then it's like, huh, bitch, didn't you didn't see that coming to you? Ah. Ideally, you would just have an apartment next door that you could just go to after you're done. Castle might be way better. Wait, Denzel.

Alright. You're, give your show info. You can follow Real Nerd Hours on Twitter at xRealNerdhours. You can follow me on Twitter at that Denzel. Make sure you join us on our subreddit at reddit.com slash r slash real nerd hours. You can listen to the show after episode episode 53 real humdinger. You should you should check it out. Listen to it.

What's it about? We talk about Bitcoin and Logan Paul. Yeah, because we go into some YouTube antics. You know about this and you don't. I don't know who that is. Logan Paul. This is some vlogger who went to suicide forest in Japan, filmed a dead body and put it up on YouTube. Yeah.

Oh, cool. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah, so we talked about that. We talked about that a little bit of shit for it. A little bit of shit for filming a dead body. A little bit of shit. Yeah.

I mean, like, his audience is mostly children. So it's not hard to imagine why people would be up in arms about it. Yeah, welcome to the internet. why people would be up in arms about it. Yeah, welcome to the internet. All right, man. Have a good one. Thanks for that. Thanks for the hours. Later guys. See you. See you. Yeah. He's a different 10's out there. He's a you can hear it. You can hear it. Yeah, he's just a just the plug. The way he gave that, you know, it just came on like a like an old pro and just gave that plug like it like it was a nothing. Yeah. I know it's just how you can hear guys. Guys just gave that plug like it was a nothing. Yeah.

You can hear guys with no pussy in their voice. No account. Like, I hear the dryness in your voice. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, it's cool. I think it's a fuck. Yeah. I got, I got but one problem and it's not cramping up after I nut.

Yeah, yeah. In my woman. Right. I don't care about the way. In my lady. I don't care about this, just be calling into this fucking show. Fuck you. Yeah. I'm too busy.

I'm too busy nutting in my lady. I'm too busy nutting in my lady. What you doing, Dan? What you doing there? Nutting lady. What you eating, Danzo? All right, all right, all right. We got count, Dankeula back for an update.

Let me pop him in here. Sean, you will remember Count Dancula as the man who trained his girlfriend's pug to do an Nazi salute as a joke. Yes, because pugs are so cute. Yeah. And it's a horrifying thing to come home and your boyfriend, your loving boyfriend's play to prank on you

to get your dog to do a little, a little hell Hitler sign, right? hilarious. Goes on, shows it on YouTube. And together as human beings, we all collectively laugh at the Nazis at this little pug that in our minds embodies embodies the horror of of their their impotence as a little pug doing it. We say good, good. I'm glad that this is what Nazi iconography has has come to a joke. Mm hmm. And Scott can't, Dancly, you're on you're on the line right now. Can you hear us? Yeah, can you? Yeah. So then the then the log gets involved and says, dude, you're going to fucking jail for that. Yeah, I still can't I still don't fully believe it. Yeah, I mean, I believe it. Yeah, but it's it's it's kind of it's incredible. So last time, Count Daniela called in, he hadn't been to court yet. And dude, you went to court this

week, right? A couple days ago. I've I've been in court seven times for this now. Evan fucking times you. And I thought this was like everybody who follows the show was waiting for this one because they thought, and I thought this was going to be the big one. Oh, I thought that too. We all thought that, but it's been delayed again until the 20th of March now. How long could it be? Where's that? You could have delayed it to April 20th. You know what I'm talking about?

So it's delayed again. What the fuck? Yeah, how do they do that? Basically, the way it works in the UK is, if you've ever been charged with a crime, they have to bring you two courts within two years. If they haven't brought you to court within two years, then the charges just get dropped. Yeah.

But as soon as they've got you in court, they can keep this going for as long as they want. Oh, fucking shit. So it keeps them from being in like default, but then they can. Yeah. It's great. So if they get you in one time within those two years, they can just keep just

towing it along. That's bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. There's after a certain point, I can get like financial compensation at some point or something, but if it goes on for way too long, but I would, you know, much rather just kind of have the entire thing end instead of going through this, you know, for years and years to come. Well, I would yeah you know, much rather just kind of have the entire thing end instead of going through this, you know, for years and years to come.

Well, I would, yeah, no shit. Are you getting any financial compensation from just being like a celebrity and getting fucked over by the man now? Like you got to, um, well, all the money I'm getting just now is what I'm earning from a YouTube. Yeah. Which is what? Yeah, man, I'm just trying to, you know, just sort of trying to capitalize us on much on this as much as I can because I know where we'll hire me No, where we'll fucking hire me

Nobody will hire you like everybody's afraid to just think and go dude He made a joke like not even a fucking joke. It's up. It's up. It's a it's not It's a sig Highling Pog. We a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, and call in and read the news for this show. We'll hire you. Why not? So what the most of the audience can't understand what the fuck you're saying, right? That's a wrap. Yeah. You know, it's fun. I've never had a problem with it.

He's got, you know, obviously Scottish accent, but I have no trouble hearing it. I don't think he speaks clearly to me. You just have to, the valves are a little different in things, but yeah, I don't know. Maybe the listeners think differently, but it's like a deep Scottish accent, you know, like reassuring, very sexy, you know, like it's the accent you're afraid of when they come into America, you're like, oh, okay, foreign guy, let's hear your accent, and then you hear count angeles, you're like, oh, okay, foreign guy, let's hear your accent. And then you hear Count Daniela,

she's like, fuck, that's a sexy accent. That is a Nazi accent, if I've ever heard, I got a lot to speak Spanish. So what's your YouTube, man? I want to give it a... It's just Count Daniela. Yeah. Just the same name, man, yeah.

You won't be waiting for me through the Nazi punk. Vidiue anymore because a YouTube removed it Fuck from every angle Yeah, man after it be not for like nearly two years YouTube suddenly decided it's a problem. Yeah, they removed the video So now it's so now it's just what anybody imagines it might have been. Like whatever they worse. Yeah. So if they want to think your guilty is like, well, I don't, I never saw this video, but

I could imagine I could imagine that it's not the way people like Dick Masterson are saying. The pug was, yeah, we was trained to turn the gas on the stove without it lighting, you know. Yeah. So how's your, I saw that you had a video response prepared in case they sentenced you to jail, right? It was just sort of like a message. It wasn't me in the video.

It was just sort of like a picture message basically saying, if you can read this, the worst has happened. Like take the ship, like that, like a thought. Take the money, take the ship like that like it's all like headman's which take the thing man but like and obviously like the child didn't finish so I ended up just like sort of taking that video down it was scheduled to go up you know in case I could I was in jail and I couldn't respond

but yeah oh man I mean I would love to see that video I'm sure a lot of other people would love to see like what the hell is it's literally just a kick a stand flag waving. We're just sad music playing in the background That's literally all is it's like he drops the in the video that he was gonna post if he went to jail He drops the accent and the whole act. He's like, if you got to me. I'm actually yes actually Emma not see and this is it's the bug talking Yeah, yeah, I would have got to have a wave with the tool for what's up for your pesky juice God how's your how's your your your your girlfriend is still together right oh Yeah, we're still together how's she taking it?

How about you get a lot of attention to from Chegs oh How about you getting a lot of attention from Chegs? She does it, she hates the entire thing. There's preachers in me in the press. And every time I'm walking to court, I just have this big shit-it-shitting grin. And they're all my preachers. But she's next to me and she just looks fucking furious. It looks like they're just getting out of a pub or something and Canada, and he goes every time in his life.

He's like, fuck you. Fuck shit again. Yeah. Yeah. Even though I think you're totally innocent, like it logically, I look at all this stuff and think, well, this guy hasn't done anything wrong. The way he smiles, the way you smile makes me think, yeah, you're going to jail. We're enjoying this way too much. Now, this is why all the whole legal system is just a facade

to throw people who are having that much fun into prison. Let me ask you a question. You have, you obviously have a lawyer or a team of lawyers. It's a lawyer, yeah. You have a lawyer. Is there anything like in America, you have the ACLU, which they take a lot of, I'm more of a fan of them than I used to be because they will take, they will take cases that nobody else will. They'll say, they'll take the KKK guy and they'll say it's a

war. But he deserves a defense. And what he's doing is he's being a racist asshole, but he's not doing anything illegal based. He has a right to do his, you know, I'm not saying terrorizing people, but, you know, and they'll do the same thing for the hardcore liberal side. Yeah. Is there anything, is there any organization like that over in Scotland or the rest of the

who's helping you out? Yeah, or do you have to hire your own lawyer and just hope that he, you know. Well, the thing that was like a pretty sketchy about the entire thing is he was, he wasn't like a court appointed lawyer the way it works works is, Loyal's kind of hang around at the court house, hoping to, you know, get people that don't have Loyal's. Like that type of thing, almost kind of like a taxi rank, so often away. He said this last time, I remember now.

Yeah, so like I ended up a picked up, I mean, he was talking to me and says that he knew what he was doing and he has actually done a very good job so far. But the way it worked is, you can get legal aid. to me and says that he knew what he was doing and he has actually done a very good job so far. But the way it worked is you can get legal aid. We don't have anything here like the ACL, you're anybody that defends free speech, we have no organizations like that at all here, at least no powerful ones. Like the ACL, you do have a bit, you know, quite a bit of clout to them, but we don't have anything like that here but we do have legal aid where you know if you earn under a certain amount of money you can apply and then get your legal fees paid for you but the funny thing that happened by mine was I don't have a job like

no well would hire me and they wanted like proof of my income and I was like well that's easy the fucking isn't it right But the thing that happened as well, which they rejected my legal aid, now this is the thing that's funny. Now, my girlfriend gets forced to appear as a witness against me. The police basically says, if you don't appear on this day as a witness,

you're gonna be arrested, right? And the funny thing was, is my girlfriend had an account in her name with money in it, which was an inheritance from her mother. And she was given this inheritance on the condition that she uses it for a house. Right? That was an actual contract she had to sign before you get this inheritance, you have to agree that it will be used for a house.

Obviously, you make sure she didn't, you know, piss the money away or anything like that. Right? So I told this to legal aid this to legally, that's not my money. I have no legal right to that money. That's my girlfriend's money. And also she's contractual obligated to use it for a house. And they said, well, can you prove that? We sent the evidence off and proved it. And they declined my application anyway.

So they were forced to my girlfriend to appear as a witness against me in the trial and then expecting her to pay my legal fees to my mother's inheritance. Okay. I have never heard of that. This all sounds like things that somebody tells you. This all sounds like things that somebody who knew someone

whose friend had this happen to them and you're like, no, no, no, there's gotta be more to this story. It sounds like you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're It sounds like something that would have happened in like the 1400s. Like this is, this is how we really fucked this guy over. This can't be true.

It is, like, is the feeling that I get, but it is. And every single person involved just stare, looks at you with a straight face and tells you, describes what they're doing. Well, girlfriend's gotta, she's gotta come, gotta come take this, we're all taking this very seriously, count down, you know, if in case, this, we're all taking this very seriously, Count Daniela. If in case, in case you're worried of any kind of, any kind of shenanigans happening in this trial, we're all taking it extremely seriously. So don't worry about that, like fuck you, man.

Some of the stuff is, as far as what is happening in the courtroom, the way that I'll need to tell this is, I can't give my opinion on certain things that were said. I'm allowed to tell you the facts of things that were said, and then both of you can say whatever you want. Okay, right, okay, then. So one thing that they've all stood by. We have a lot of legal experience on this show. We're currently being sued for a half a billion dollars

by a guy on the internet. I don't know if you know that. Oh, is that Maddox again? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're all from very familiar with what we're allowed to say and not say about the law at this point. Also, like the, the, the breed Pug has signed on to the lawsuit. Yeah, Maddox is suing Pug as well. Yeah. Oh, no, I thought he was him and Pug suing us. I was playing it. Yeah. I met with suing pugs as well. Oh, no, I thought he was him and Pug Oh, he's playing to the anonymous co-plaintiff is a pug. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Okay. I'm sorry. What were you saying? Right. One thing that the prosecutor tried to do was he tried to change the charge to a more severe one at this latest age in the trial. Well, instead of the maximum sentence being one year, it would be five

years. But the judge refused that. What's wrong with that person? Why would they? What the fuck is wrong with them? Like they went, they woke up that day and said, I know what I'm going to do. I know what I need to do today. Like I wake up every day and think, okay, I got to check emails and return stuff from the store and get

on Reddit. This guy woke up and said, that guy that's going to court for maybe going to prison for a year for teaching his girlfriend a funny girlfriend's dog a funny trick. I got to send him a jail for five years. Not enough. Not enough. He needs to be taught. Like what the, do you, what do you think is going on in these people's minds? Are they embarrassed? Like what are they using it to do? Because it seems like they're just kicking your freedom like a can down the street. Because they don't want to admit that they're wrong and that this, this idea of being offended

by shit is in itself stooping. Like what do you think's going through their mind, man? You probably thought about it a lot more than us. I think it's just I think it's a bit concerning that someone who has a prosecutor, he's a senior fiscal deputy, he's a senior, and he thinks that a maximum of five years for a joke was a good path to go down.

That's extremely concerning that someone in that possession thinks that that is suitable. That's a good fucking point. Yeah. Because how many people in his level think that then? Well, the new thing is activists at very high levels. Yeah. Do you? I think we've got activists on the Supreme Court. What do you? Is this like, I think we've got activists on the Supreme Court. What are you, okay, Count Daniela, what the hell do you think his deal is? What does he want? Why does he want to send you to jail for this?

For so long? He wants to win. He just wants to win. That's literally it. I don't think any morality or any kind of recognition of objective reality comes into play here. I think he's completely disregarding that. He doesn't care about ethics or anything he just wants to win.

He does. It's like an 80s throwback. Like these asshole hedge fund guys, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters except winning, except like that high of winning. Right? Yeah, but that's literally it. But there was another thing, I think you would enjoy this next one.

This was a claim that he made, again, just stating facts, but when he made this claim, something that kind of funny happened in the courtroom, the prosecutor legitimately says that I am actually a Nazi, and I am actually secretly trying to spread Nazi propaganda, but I am using Buddha the pug as a smoke screen to muddy the water so that it can be, I can go, oh no, it was a joke when I am in fact secretly trying to spread and encourage Nazi propaganda. It's satire.

It's Buddha too, The name is Buddha too. That's what I forgot. I mean, the pug also embodies the worst traits of its species genetically, like its monstrous. That's why we love that. Pugs are far from a master's. Yeah, I know. That's how I get you.

Yeah, that's how the idea of decons, because it's so ridiculous that I wouldn't know where to start deconstructing his argument. So that's where I start. Like, you're on her. Let me explain why that's fucked. It's because if I was a Nazi, I would hate pugs. And then it's good. Here's, there's the judge say, that's a good point.

You said this, and I'm going to state the fucking obvious, but people don't know this. There is no such thing as a Nazi. Yeah, yeah. There's no such, you're back and off that. The National Socialist German Workers Party was obliterated in 1945. Yeah.

You can say, there's people who espouse, but it's like, words fucking mean something. If you're gonna call somebody a Nazi, you can say they have Nazi values, something like that. There's no fucking such thing as a Nazi because when you start blurring, it's, I don't know, man, I just, I, things, things mean something. A word means something.

Don't say this when you mean this. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's how you start muddying, it's how you start smoothing out the points in between in your own head. Yeah. You're convincing yourself. I don't like it. It's like, Trump's not conservative enough because he's got it.

But then you say, well, yeah, but he is a Nazi. Hold on a minute. There's not a lot of requirements for this other one I noticed. Anyway. So you met, I saw you took a picture with Laura Sutheran, you get some, no, hover hand. I don't know why that's the... No, hover hand there. No. It's got a nice tie. The chat grab, chat grab all the way there.

Yeah, yeah. The funny thing is, I see how that last point that I made, because of some people obviously found that a point the prosecutor made to be very ridiculous. Lauren Southern's cameraman had to get up and walk out of the courtroom because he kept laughing. That's awesome. And I claim also, another funny thing as well is, I didn't know what happened. I've seen a policeman running over in the public galley where everyone got all the public could come in and watch, run over.

And I've seen him having a walk with someone and I didn't know what it was. And I found out later that someone got in trouble because they were playing way out of Rubik's Cube in the middle of my trial. I was like, oh, some of my subscribers are here, obviously. Oh God. Oh, fuck, man. It's the whole thing so ridiculous. Are they doing this to make you do like a plea deal?

Do you guys even have that? We're like, look, I'll just say I did something wrong to a week in the community service, leaving the fuck alone. Now, we don't have plea deals or anything like that here. You can sometimes get something like that. See, if you say, for example, there was an armed robbery with five guys involved in the catch, one of them,

they kind of go, we'll give you a much less harsh sentence if you rat on your friends. They can't do that. What? They cannot do that. Oh, and they're okay or not, they try and do that. They definitely do.

Oh, okay, so they do it here too. No, it's like, I know people that are actually hopping to one guy, one guy gets spared from prison, but the other two guys involved in the robbery went to do. Send Pug to prison. Well, they talk about, like, let you add out on the, look, it was actually not something the whole time, the dogs. He's, he, uh, he only pisses on mind comp zero acts. Somebody, somebody, a listener of this show's girlfriend made them for Christmas a beanie baby pug That's doing a little Nazi salute

Yeah, I'm trying to find it. I'll send it to you. It's I don't know it's humorous I see people I was trying I was thinking of making like T-shirts and stuff like that and someone sent me a T-shirt suggestion and I really, really want to do it, but I know that I really shouldn't. It was literally a Petty-N-Budda, doing these Nazi salute, wearing a little swastika on bound and wearing a little Nazi officer cap. Listen, as your American legal advisor,

I say do not do that. I can just do it and give him cash. I thought, the slogan is what made it. The shot literally said, walkies sets you free. I play on working sets you free, which is just slogan. Yeah. That's what's in here. I'm not going to do that. I just want to make that clear. Just know that I'm not going to do that.

Yeah, but someone could. He's, Count Daniels obviously too tied up to come sue somebody in America for doing, selling shirt like, doesn't I'm sure he's open to taking donations, right? Sean, right? That's how that works. Well, it seems to be, there's a lot of that lately. Yeah.

All right, man. I don't know, thanks for calling in. I'm sure you're getting a how I did by everybody because it's so fucking frustrating watching what you're going through. It is, it's really frustrating. It's really, it's like a visceral thing for me because it really is.

I don't know why everybody just can't rise up and smite these mother fuckers who actually are taking this seriously. And it's a very small percentage if that people in the courtroom are having to leave the courtroom because they're laugh laughing and they're playing with Rubik's cubes. It's like everybody knows this is fucking insane. It's so fucking dumb.

It's so dumb. It makes me want to be in that seat like it makes me want to just say, you know what? You guys don't like it? Hey, I'm going to do Count Daniela was a good guy. He was a good guy who's probably way more liberal than me. Just loved his girlfriend as dog. I'm a fucking bad guy. I don't care.

I'm just gonna be everything you hate because you guys obviously need a bad guy to deal with. So, I'll, so, congratulations. You got one now. Cause. Cause I don't know. Okay, I got one last question for you. So when you go into court, there's a possibility like you're not coming out, right? Yeah. All right.

Does that mean that going in like the last night going in, you get some like maybe going to prison sex. Oh yeah, the thing is, every man being in court, we always think it's going to be the last day. So we do this whole, you know, just in case let's fuck each other's brains out. Like, you know, like before I go in, you think he's really going to court the next day? Yeah, he just goes to the pub. Yeah, he's going to like hang out like in a band and construction site. Like, okay, I'll hopefully see you tonight. I got this good-a scam with my good old right?

Like, I got a quarter note coming back and we fuck up rains out. Yeah. Um, that's awesome. Good for you. Got what is Saint, your girlfriend is for dealing with your smiling ass in every... After what you did to her dog. Can't you just, can't you just frown for once in the fucking pictures? healing with your smiling ass in every after what you did to her dog. Can't you just can't you just frown for once in the fucking pictures.

You're not a sympathetic witness. Yeah. Yeah, man. Well, okay, good luck in the next one. Call back with an update after the next one. I fucking hope. Yeah, it's, um, they let you off finally. The fact that it's gone this long worries me. Yeah, you're in Belk that didn't even take as long as this. No. Probably not. I think you're right on that winning thing though.

So how do you make people think that they won? Is there a chance that the guy could get promoted out of the position and then the next person wouldn't care? As far as my way, this is kind of unconfirmed, but I think he's already at the highest level. This guy, I've just had this said to me by a few people and it was a, this guy hasn't actually seen the inside of a courtroom in six years. He was basically promoted to a higher level where he works in the prosecutor office, but he seems to have been specially brought in for this case. It was almost like, you know, the old cop that lives in the woods out of retirement and the old police chief comes out late, we need you.

You know, it brings him out of retirement. It needs to be one of those. We need you to be a complete fucking idiot for this case. Don't read anything about it. As opposed to being like a complete badass, like they'd take the old cop out of the, Yeah, you know what these want, you know. That's the new cop out of the retirement. It's not like we got this badass killer gang

and we need the only jury, it's like, Look, we got a really fucking nail this guy who did absolutely nothing and you're the only cop stupid enough to push it through. All of our guys, they can't say it with a straight face about the pug, but you're so fucking dumb and your head's so full of spaghetti. And no one likes you and you don't care

what the entire world thinks about you. Cause it offends you. Cause it offends you. You're the only one stupid enough to take this gaze. Yeah. Great, nice world we live in. I mean, you got anything that makes you rage, by the way. That's what we do on this show.

People call in and say stuff that really pisses them off. I caught myself just in time though. That's probably a bad thing to say. Actually at this point, I was a bit of seeing some things about the trial there, but I died myself back a little bit. Yeah, I don't want to get in more trouble. Well, you know, what are they going to do? Throw you in jail for 10 years?

Probably. I wouldn't put it past them. He was trying to give me five. Five years for a dog. I thought we had a bad name. So looting. I would, I'm grateful for the lawsuits, the lawsuits that we have now, Sean.

Yeah, I mean, it really makes me think to appreciate what shit I'm getting sued for when I hear this. It's worse. Yeah, I mean yours is, you know, this one on this side of the Atlantic involves people. Yeah, mine's just money. I could make a half billion dollars again. No big deal. Yeah, but I can't get those five years back. All right, you got anything? Count Dracula, makes you rage. I'm really, really angry at communists at the moment. Yeah.

Even angry than I usually am. Because a few communists are celebrating, me going to trial over this stuff like that. Yeah, the big bad Nazi killed the big bad Nazi. And oh man, whenever they say stuff like that, they just reply with hello, tomorrow, hello, tomorrow, hello, tomorrow. I remember when communism's big man made famine in Ukraine that killed millions and millions of people. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, communism is a great way to lose weight.

Yeah. He's very educated too. Yeah, I know. It's works so well. Yeah, through, you know, God. They're just some people just take it too far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a diet.

Yeah. Just a little bit of communism. That's all we need to do. That's been the problem. We just need to find the right amount of communism. Yeah, sure. You know know don't don't do it with food education though yeah let's try it there right there um good luck man I don't

know thanks for calling out yeah that's cool thanks so much for half a million guys yeah well see if we can see if we can cover your some of your well you know we had a guy get a a a charity album for his legal expenses. Maybe we could do a t-shirt drive. Yeah. Maybe we could bring you back as a news babe or something. I don't know. I feel like I'm having a good idea for a t-shirt.

Yeah. Yeah, you have. All right, man, take it easy. Nobody's got these chills, these little gays. Yeah, thanks. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. All right. Every time I think about that,

I just can't get past the first line of the article, basically. Yeah. He's possibly going to jail for multiple years because he taught a dog to sig Hyal. But you know what, it's worse than that for me. It's the fact that they're not giving him an answer. Oh no, no, they're holding his life hostage. And that's why they in America,

you got the right to a speedy try, right? And it's that they've turned to him, they've turned his life for no reason into a PR campaign. That's right. Like they're trying to, you can feel them try to figure out how to spin it. Yeah. So that Europe can to spin it. Yeah.

So that Europe can be more inclusive. Yeah, but they can hold his life hostage for as long as it takes them to figure out how they can do that and whether they can do that. And yeah. I guess you can really like with YouTube removing their the video. It's like, yeah, I see what you guys did there.

I see that you got pushed into pushing, into putting the video down the memory hole to like just slightly nudge a couple more people into the camp. Like you took away, you took away his proof that what he did wasn't bad. And as fallible as the memory is, and like the word of people like me, which means, which is a, which is a hindrance.

Yeah, you know? Yes. Yeah, I see what they're doing in his very bad. That's bad. It's more frightening than the new black mirror season. Yeah. Okay. The new round of Maddox leaks.

Have you seen any of them? Uh, I've, yeah, I know a little bit. Yeah, yeah, a little bit a lot of Randy losing his job Yeah, a little bit starting to get pretty pissed about that Randy is he yeah, yeah, well the number of the number of people who've been told that he could lose his job at any moment Because of his monumental incompetence while working on a podcast. Oh.

Oh. Here was the new ones. Okay. And this one, this one names you. Yeah. So I wanted to get your reaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so it's a, like usual,

it's a, it's about a mile long chat log for someone who's done, dude, you know, this one was by Christian, Christian M. Here's the quote that involves you. This is Maddox talking. Let me give you a perfect example. And he brings this up at propo of nothing. Let me give you a perfect example since you brought it up. Sean, the reason I continued working with him is because of something he told me. I could tell you what that is, but then it gets leaked

and it brings more drama and bullshit in my life about a defunct podcast that ended two years ago. Fucking move on already, Jesus. The podcast was failing near the end. It's not as big as you think. There weren't as many fans as you think and it's not nearly important blah blah blah To still be talking about. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What did you tell him? He could have he could have he could have grabbed any possible thing. Yeah, that I

mentioned or in order to justify in his mind continuing to work with. There is any continued working with you. It could be anything. It could be anything. I don't know what he... Well, I didn't have been. I don't know. What's your top three guesses?

Dick is an alien rapist. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Nothing. No, I don't know. I don't even know what time period he would be talking about.

I mean, like, I guess it had been post break up. It had to, it was probably like right, okay, it was either right when the biggest problem ended. Yeah. Or it was right after the rap list video. Who, there was, look, there's a, there was,

there's too many leaks to cover in this show. Yeah, yeah, I don't, there was, there's too many leaks to cover in this show. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But one of them was that Maddox focused tested his rape apology video. He said he had four versions, he had, he had, he has four versions of it. One was 17 minutes long and then he shopped it around to a bunch of different focus groups and he had like the approval ratings of each version of the video. And then in the very same chat log, he says that everybody he showed it to said that they,

what does that exactly as he say, everybody he showed it to knew that I didn't had nothing to do with the rap list. The rap, the rap list joke, not even a, it's not even a list. Yeah. There's the stupid, stupid joke. Yeah. They put in there. Um, yeah, how about that? Yeah. I don't know what I would have to get in his mind to go. He can hear he can hear one phrase and go, ah, that clicks for me. Nothing. You remember nothing. You don't

remember anything weird. You said to him, anything funny, anything, anything joke, anything that was a obvious joke, something he said to me, well, I'm gonna bring Nick Rikidon so we can talk to him. Hey, Nick, you there? Yeah, buddy, I'm here. Hey, dude, I'm loving your series going over all the legal documents.

Thanks, man. Like, I don't even really understand them until I listen to your hour long. So Nick, have you listened any of Nick's videos? Yeah, I got, well, I didn't get through the last one, but I started listening to the last one. Oh, they're gonna continue. They're great, man.

It's so great to hear a lawyer that talks like a normal person, like not trying to actually explain it. Yeah. And not getting into like more, usually you talk to a lawyer about something and you get further into the law. You get more complicated. Yeah. Like, damn it, what you're fucking, just filling by the hour.

Just tell me what they, That's trick. Tell me who needs to get punched. Yeah. With this, everybody, everybody. So Nick goes through, right in the fucking face. Every document that everybody's filed and he goes through it in detail line by line reads it and he goes through it in detail,

line by line reads it and then explain what it is. And you can see that at your, what is it? Rakeda law? Is that your YouTube channel? Rakeda? Yeah, that's my YouTube channel. Rakeda law.

Rakeda law. It is Rakeda, okay. It is Rakeda. Like, Aida, Rakeda, okay. Oh, so I was wrong. Yeah, that's just an Eda. It's Rakeda, I did. And that is R-E-K-I-E-T-A.

He's also got a Patreon at law. What's your Patreon, Nick? It's patreon.com slash law-splaining. Law-splaining. Okay. That's a good one. It is. And so you got a stereosis thing last night, but I brought in one quote from you about the

the Raplist video that Maddox said From Gab Nick says Jesus Christ so he admits to planning a video and we can infer one that is the most damaging possible even admits that the test audience knew you didn't have control over 8chan and still blames you for 8chan, looks like defamation. So what the hell is that because everybody's been saying defamation since the video dropped, but I don't know if I can idea what that is. Okay, so the distinction that that Maddox fails to make in his claims of defamation and where it gets confusing is defamation is a statement of fact about someone that is false and either negligently causes harm to them or in the case of you guys, insure celebrities, intentionally or maliciously causes harm. So in this case, everything that that Maddox alleges in his complaint against you doesn't

qualify because it's all opinion. Even if you take it in the worst light like you're just expressing an opinion calling someone liar. Okay. Is an opinion. But when you say that someone established a rapist, for example, then maintain that, right. Maintains a rapeless. That's a statement of fact. That's something that you're doing. And can be verified as a false or true act. So if he knows and that they all know that that's a false act, then, you know, that can amount to defamation. But defamation, especially in cases for celebrities, is pretty difficult. So I don't wanna make it out like this in case you'd win.

So what if, oh, I get it, that's what Cernivage said too. What would this be defamation if I said, the reason Maddox was complaining about the broken door that he had, that he was blaming 80s girl on. The reason it got broken is because he was in the middle of committing domestic assault. Would that be defamation? Only if it wasn't true. But how would it like, if I heard it, I couldn't possibly know one way or the other, right?

Right. And so I have to tread carefully because I can't not give you legal advice. I don't want legal advice either. So if I were, I mean, if I were to ask something like that. Yeah. Right. The thing, the thing with it is because you guys are celebrities, it gives, it makes it much harder. Even if you're, even if you're making a statement that you believe to be true, that makes it less likely to be defamation because you're a celebrity. You have to know that it's false

and you have to know that the falsehood will cause damage to someone else. Oh, I see. Okay, so because you're both celebrities and the matter is like a public matter of concern amongst your fan that someone else brought up right But I mean that's that's pretty interesting if that's if that's if someone were to make a statement like that I realized okay, let's get so a stereosis thing what's he what's he what's he looking at?

I know you I you went over it last night, but I haven't watched your video on it. Yeah, well, I mean, a lot of the arguments are really similar to what's in yours in regards to failure to state of claim. Obviously, the big difference between your document and the stereosis is he is actually under the jurisdiction of New York where you're not. So that whole jurisdictional argument has left out. But his attorney does a very good job laying out the, I guess the deficiencies of the complaint, failing to state a claim, which leads to a cause of action. And this is something I've gotten a bunch of questions about, but basically, I said this early on,

you can't just say something is defamation or you can't just say something is harassment. You have to allege facts that lead you to that conclusion. Right. Well, he's done that zero times. Yeah. Right. Not a single thing, even read in the light favorably to him, comes out to a cause of action.

Right. So Greenberger does a really good job of laying that out, just as your lawyers did, he takes a little more aggressive approach and I have no idea what the strategies for your legal counsel and his legal counsel have been, but I think it's more appropriate for Asterios to take a more aggressive approach because he's in the forum.

I also saw that he's asking for money. Asterios is asking for money for Maddox. Yeah. And is that realistic to get like, the loyal versus? Yeah. And I guess then, a stereo says to pay everybody back

for the stereo, say it's charity album. So they say it doesn't say in the complaint that he's gonna do that. I don't know if he's gonna do that. Yeah, it's possible. And actually, I mean, technically it's possible for you as well, even if you don't move for it. If the judge determines this is frivolous nonsense,

he can award it to anybody without a motion. So in theory, he could award cost to you, bozer, foundation digital, he could award cost to anybody. Oh, wow. For some asshole wasting everyone's time. Oh cool. I'm afraid to ask my lawyer that because I don't want to, I don't know, want to pay for the answer.

And I'm like, I imagine every time I text them, they get like a stopwatch. Like click, click, click, click, like, how much of that fucking, how many light coins of that fucking cost me? All right, I want to play a clip from your, one of your recent reviews that I thought was pretty funny. Sure.

You're reviewing, I think you're reviewing my response to the lawsuit. And it's that you say, it's number 11, a brutal response. Here, let me find the part. And heard a dick when I started listening to biggest problem. I just remembered your website from years ago being somewhat entertaining and having a unique perspective on things. But why do you think you're more competent than anybody else when you're not more competent than anybody?

I can't think of a single person that you are more competent at something than them, except maybe writing from people who aren't writers, but your writing isn't even good. Other people are more competent writers than you. You used to be funny online and now you're not. That's the only thing I've ever seen a demonstrated competence with you. You're incompetent in fulfilling your own requirements for graduation from your undergraduate degree. And according to your own words, you didn't choose to stop. You failed. Like you demonstrated

incompetence. You've demonstrated competence in economics, demonstrated incompetence in basic reading and comprehension skills. You've demonstrated competence and reasoning and deduction like routinely incompetent and now you've demonstrated incompetence in legal process reasoning writing research drafting They're great. It's like a slut listening to next videos is like a song. Like he never stops. It's all, it's just a, it's all an extended hour long improvised burn.

It's their socials. I'm going to question as an, as a dick, as an officer of burn court, is that a legally binding burn? Oh, yeah. That's illegally when you, when you can't find a space to interrupt somebody in their burn, you are getting fucking roasted. That's how you know it's illegally binding burn. When the wheels are going faster than you can even process the burn.

When it's starting to stack up in the cash, and you're like, oh fuck, I'm waiting for a moment to get in, but I can't. You just keep stacking these boxes like Lucy and Ethel when they're trying to eat all the chocolates. You know, when you find yourself eating a bunch of shit that some guys shitting out on a conveyor belt, and for some reason you're cramming it into your mouth, you are getting burned. That's how you know. Yeah. The problem is that Maddox makes it really easy to do that because his litany of failures

just goes on and on and just obviously bad decisions. That's the weird thing. How does he keep getting it wrong? It's like this compulsion. It seems like he just can't help himself. And I'm watching a guy who truly thinks that down is up and left is right. And if I do this, this fixes it and it couldn't be more the opposite.

Yeah. Yeah, it'll all be over soon, I think. And then we can be done with the whole fucking thing. But you get sued for half a billion dollars, you can talk about it. Absolutely. Oh, and by the way, can I just drop in that I love that he said in one of the leaked chats, I can't talk on pending litigations, like he's a police department or something. Yeah.

And not just some dummy. You can't. You know what? Uh, uh, Joan Ford confronted him outside of UCB saying $20 million, you're suing us, what the fuck is wrong with you? And Maddox told her, oh, that was the lawyer's idea and I can't comment on it. Like, motherfucker, you're working for you. You're not under any kind of gag order.

You just, what did you hear that on TV? Like I heard that in a movie, so now I'm just gonna, that's pretty much understand it, that you can't comment, like what the fuck am I doing then? Guaranteed, that's his line of reasoning. Guaranteed, that's his line of reasoning. Well, what you don't know is that you're going to lose a lot of the, because you talked about it, because the New York judge, that's what he cares about.

Hey, what makes you a rage man? And I'm like, you know, Oh, I, you know, I don't really have a specific one today, other than coffee tables. Wow, it's wrong with coffee tables. Well, they ruined my Christmas, well, they didn't really ruin my Christmas, but they, they delayed my Christmas meal because my, my daughter, who's two, decided to ram her head right into one and they had to go to the ER. They do that. They are like the amount of death traps in a normal home. Um, when my sister and her husband had their first kid, I went through the house red tagging things that were hazards for them just so I could have them like all their expensive ass furniture.

Cause I still would end up with like four corners of a coffee table. He just saw it off. Yeah. Oh, this is how you guys. And I was the whole time I was doing I was really like talking it up like the kid was going to kill himself. Like, oh, man, he hits, he hits his front to low. On this little screw sticking out of this coffee, this $900 restoration coffee table is going to make him exceptionally able for the rest of his life. That's going on, Colt Dick. There's a lobotomy. Let's see what we have here. This drawer on this nightstand opens a little low.

That's a death trap. That's a guaranteed special needs program waiting to happen. That's going on, Colt Dick as well. Load up the fucking truck. You guys are having nothing but bean bags, bean bags and foam. Yeah. Yeah, totally. It's all, yeah. All right, man. Have a good one. Thanks for all your videos. Yeah, totally. So, yeah.

All right, man. Have a good one. Thanks for all your videos. Yeah, man. Thanks. It's a pleasure. Get sued again so I can do it more. Sure it'll happen.

I'm 100% sure. I'll eat. Man, actually, they're sue me again or try to kill me. Oh, man. That seems likely. Good luck. Don't die. Thank you.

I'll try not to. I survived the old pathos of weed. See, man. Yeah, see you later. I'll try not to. I survived the open dose of weed. See, man. Yeah. Yeah. So you probably survived the, um, how would he try to kill me? It have to be stupid and over complicated, right? I don't know. Daniel is going to call it jetpack and yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How about that about the door? Wouldn't that be a, I mean, what if there

was an other side to all those stories? That's all I want to know. What if there was another side to all those stories and that all? But that's the whole thing. He never, he never considers that. Yeah. In any of this, it's like, well, I'll say this and then people believe it and then if they challenge me on it, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll ban them or I'll clam up. And then it would just, then it would just be, he said, she said, and who's going to believe a woman? Am I right, guys?

I don't look like what the f**k? Shut the f**k up. I don't know, man. I'm just, I'm continuously baffled. Oh, me too. Okay. Let me, I me I'm gonna play a song this one's by danger danger Danny Danny danger from Facebook and a bunch of people put put this one together good. I need to relax a little bit Have a brown song on It's a it's an M&M song parody apparently. I don't know very many Eminem songs. How about you do? I know the one about spaghetti. You know this one, I'm throwing up.

Yeah. So I can't write it all. Even if I could, there would still be way too many dollars on the road It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad The soups gone cold, I'm wondering why I call for mom at all, the youth has sent room and my bike tires So I can't ride it all, even if I could, there would still be way too many dollars on the road If mine's me, that's not so bad, it's not so bad

Do you do? I wrote you the shirts to not reply I left a email on Purebox Samo website at the bottom I made a few videos back and out of you was not a god There must have been a big problem with your Apple products itself. Sometimes it takes too long to edit these things the way I want. But anyway, it's better when you spin up to get how you book it. I might write another book, you know that.

I'm a writer. If I put another book, you know what I'll call it? I'll call it Sparkware. Yeah, I bet that'll be good for book sales. I was thinking we could do a thing together. I hope you don't mind me writing this long letter. Maybe we could do a podcast that could be a thrill. I think making some content together would kill.

I love what you do with the shades and the most there is your doctor bill. Anyways, I hope you get this dig, give me back just to check until they do the real big thing. This is jolly. Feel these bowls in Wonder why. Ahh. I just like listening to this girl's voice. I know. It's like a M.M.A.

It's like a hot, sweetest checker. It's not too big a can. You know. Tastefully sized. No. Do you get a peek at the cake? Not too big a can't, you know. Tastefully sized kids. Don't get. Do you get a good, alright? Alright, alright, alright, alright.

It's five minutes long, guys. Great song. Go to the website. I'm not going to say the name of the song, but it's on the website. Let me see here. Let me get. Do you want to hear a neurotic story? Yeah, we got some time, right?

Yeah. All right, let's do a neurotic story. Oh, I know. What? Do you remember the heads up that you gave me a long time ago in the very early days of this show about what Maddox was planning. Do you remember that? Yeah.

Yeah. I think so. Do you ever wanna talk about that? Because I've always been curious about that. The heads up. You gave me a very spicy heads up that he was planning on, but it was something you-

Fuckin' me over. But it was something that you already knew. No. And then I didn't, I didn't know about it. Really? Yeah, this was like early, early on, episode like 10. Maybe, you sent me a text saying, hey, just wanna let you know,

Maddox is planning to do this. No, I have to fuck with you. Think about it. Okay, no, I have to remember. Think about it and see if you wanna talk about it. Okay, it was a real, real quick heads up. Really? Yeah, about a blonde girl.

I'm assuming. Okay. Think about it. Think about it while I read this erotic story. And maybe also after I've been told to think about it. The blonde girl. Okay. Yeah, I think I know.

You think I know. Okay, here. Let's do it in a minute. Let's read some actually. Let's read some actually. The Dict Show presents an erotic story from a real man. All right, all right, all right. This one's from Chocolate Noodle, he says.

A few years ago, my family and I had to do Christmas on the 24th. So I had the whole day off just in my apartment. I invited this girl over. I'd known for several years, but hadn't talked to for some time on account of her always having a boyfriend, because she too was alone for the holiday. Can't leave your girlfriend alone on the holiday show.

Or a girl you haven't talked to in several years. When I first met her, I was a huge fat ass. Around 300 pounds. Working at a shitty call center. I've since lost over 110 pounds from diet and exercise, and gained a lot of experience and confidence with women. All right. This girl was a sexy 8 out of 10 at the time, but her twisted sense of humor and eroticism

pushed her up to a nine in my eyes. Who have you ever seen the chart of the numbers of attractiveness? No. How they get that way. No. Dude, it's really interesting

because it's a chart that has the description of the number and then it has a bunch of examples of girls you would consider that number. And it's totally fucking accurate. Really, really. Like it's disturbingly accurate. The verbiage is disturbing and the examples are disturbing. Like even four, like fours and fives, if you asked me to define what I feel is like a

four and a five, for women or men, I wouldn't be able to do it. But yeah, it's really, it's really cool. I'll see if I can find it posted. Um, half Mexican in the best way of the ass, but with a pair of nicely shaped seas, instead of those weird, native looking sideways tits that a lot of Mexican chicks get. How about that?

By this Christmas, she'd had a kid and admittedly dropped down to a seven out of 10. Oh. A bummer. But with all the same depravity now pressurized from the daily obligations of motherhood, she came over and we caught up, got high and watched True Blood.

Gay, I know, but crazy bitches like that shit. Oh. True Blood led to a funny cartoon porn. Oh, gay, I know, but crazy bitches like that shit. Oh,'s cooking up over here. A little bit of varoticism. Yeah. With the cartoon pornography. Okay. I was thoroughly unhorny from this, but I guess it was like me. I was thorough, but I guess that was her goal, because that's when she started getting really close and we began making out. Making out led to feeling up and soon her tits were out.

The movie ended with either of us notice it without either of us. Have you ever made out like really made out and not felt up? Like just hands behind your back. That's what I mean. Like one leads to the other. Like that's never happened. Like to me with me. Man, like you're feeling up almost immediately if you're really making out, Like, that's never happened. Like, to me, with me. Uh, man.

Like, you're feeling up almost immediately if you're really making out. Am I wrong here? Well, am I gonna get sued? No, I, like, I remember making out for the first time as a teenager. Okay, well, this is just, and then you're like, oh, wow, am I ready to touch a boob?

Like, back when it, back when women still seem like aliens. And you're like, you don't realize that they want to fuck. Yeah, also. Yeah. I mean, you can just forgive yourself for the first, you know, a couple of times or whatever. Oh, is this okay? Is this not? But like, yeah, that's, it's basically immediate.

I feel like usually the groping starts before the kissing almost. Could the making out? It could, I don't know. That was just a sticky point for me, never mind. Yeah. The movie ended without either of us noticing. I tried to get my hands down lower, but she wouldn't let me.

She played with my cock through my pants, but told me not to get it out. Oh man, a lot of fucking demands. That'll really kill me. Um, after probably, after probably half an hour, which seemed like a decade of no further progress, I said, bitch, I'm going to have to come at some point. Good. I don't take any bullshit. Uh, you'd probably have, you'd probably have to rape me if you wanted that. She replied, with the bitchiest expression a woman's face can hold. He says, that's exactly a safe guess for a man to make in today's world.

I said, remembering a Louis C. K. joke. There are consequences to getting that guess wrong. Do you really think I'm the type of girl to call the cops on you for that? Wow, this making out really took a wrong turn. It really did. It finally dawned on my stupid fucking brain. Oh, she says, do you really think I'm the type of girl to call the cops on you for? Yeah, all right. So she's like saying, hey, I want this fantasy, right? Like, this is real life. Yeah. This is real life. Yeah. You're making out. It's not you're making out with a chick on Christmas Eve, a single mom on Christmas Eve, a seven out of 10 watching Tinkerbell porn

with weirdly proportioned penises and fairy tales. And she is being very unclear. Yeah. It finally dawned on my stupid brain that this conversation was unnecessary. And I realized what I had to do. What followed could have been an erotic ravishing, right? You know what ravishing is, right? It's very close to something else that we can't, that we're not, that we don't do. But it's very similar, right? Similar. We're it not for the ballpark. What could have followed? What followed could have been an erotic ravishing? Were it not for her constant giggling and squirming? I tried very hard to rape his car. Oh, no. That Mary Christmas, I gained an appreciation

for the real rapist in our world because it's actually quite a physical challenge to fuck a moving vagina, even with a strength advantage. Okay. He's saying it, he's not saying it in a delicate way. No. But have you ever, like have you ever dated a girl who wants a, who has like a ravishment fantasy, who wants to be like chase down and taken, but who also fights, and taken, but who also fights like, who also fights like a pit bull with a loaf of bread while you're trying to do it, who's like, ah, like you're trying, you're like, okay, I get that you have this fucking fantasy,

but I've never experienced that. But if I catch another heel, I'm going to seriously, like I'm going to react to that. It's really fucking with me. I was game for this, I don't like it, and I'm thinking about react to that. It's really fucking with me. I was game for this. I don't like it, and I'm thinking about something else to stay hard and make this work for you, but I swear to Christ, if I get one more claw,

it's not worth it for me. It's not worth it for me. And it is hot, he's right, because it's like, they go into this hunch, this dog scratching its ass pose, women do, and they're trying to avoid, and you're like, what the fuck am I supposed to, am I even supposed to get in here? It's like trying to fuck a bowling ball with no holes drilled in it.

What the fuck is this supposed to, what are you doing here? What kind of fan it, what is this fan? The things are mine's what. This is a young person's, this is like a young chick fantasy, I think. They'll throw this one out And they don't really know how to cooperate to make it happen for them when they want this ravishment. Yeah But they fight tooth and fucking nail and it's so annoying It's so annoying that it ruined it for me forever. It's like, oh, you know what?

I'm gonna go I'm gonna go play Dead or live beach volleyball you why don't you go ravage yourself? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Try to fight your fucking self off. Like Jim Carey and Liar Liar. Yeah. I just have you bitch.

Yeah. This picture of a, of a, what a, Dr. Strange love. Yes, exactly. Like an arm going rogue. That's exactly what a fuck it is. Cause they're telling you, like, oh, I just want you to just take me.

I want to be like a pirate in the Pirates of the Caribbean and you chase me around and I'm gonna throw the bread and you're gonna jump on me and just stick it in me. And it's like, all right, all right, I'm down for that. I got the stick in it in part. I get chased you around a little bit. It'll be like a little bit of fun. And then you touch her and it's like getting kicked

by a fucking mule. Like, bitch, why don't you dial it the fuck down? Computer. Computer, lower difficulty, lower the danger, what the fuck did Picard say? Computer, safety guards on. Oh, okay. Please, remember when he's, what, in like the holodeck or something?

Yeah, you can make the holodeck more dangerous. Yeah, and then sometimes it would go, it would get fucky and then you could really die in there and stuff. Yeah. You could. Yeah. He killed a bunch of borgs in there First in first contact. Yeah Anyway After five minutes of getting so this is what's happening to this fucking guy

After he's just trying to have a nice Christmas, too. Yeah, she's got to make it all complicated He didn't she's got to make it all complicated with weird fantasies. After five minutes of getting genuinely frustrated and eternity and raped me. And several and several pauses for a swig of vodka. He's going, he's going rounds with this girl. I know he's got a positive. Get a spit bucket. Yeah. Cut. Get some advice from Mick. You gotta get in there. Yeah, yeah. You gotta reach, you gotta tickle him more, you know?

Grab a feet, dissensitive, like, you gotta punch him in the face and then find out what you want. Yeah. Come on. Rock. You grease, you're gonna crap thunder, you're gonna make a crap thunderbolts. I finally pulled off her last piece of clothing and had her bent over the back of the couch

with her arms in a submission lock. Jesus Christ. The first full successful penetration happened in her back arched in a first act of consent of the evening no condom because she had an IUD installed. Oh, good luck with that. We fucked like crazy.

She sucked my balls and I put a finger in her ass. Afterwards we hung out naked on the couch, smoking some weed and watching some more dirty fucked up shit and fucking around a couple more times. And the morning we fucked again before she had to leave for work and I enjoyed sleeping until noon. Nice. Afterwards she texted me that she lives to leave for work and I enjoyed sleeping until noon, nice. Afterwards, she texted me that she lives with her current boyfriend and that he cares for her daughter greatly.

He also makes a lot more money than I do, delivering pizza. So our encounter would have to be just a one-time thing. Not a big disappointment to me because I was inferring the obvious that she delighted in the torment of others. And was not keen on beginning a relationship with a real life true blood. God, and she made him watch true blood too. Oh, that was, that's, that should have been a red flag. If she's making you watch shit that every woman knows no man wants to watch.

True blood? Vampire shit. Fuck, I would rather have my eyes gouged out than watch true blood. All in all, this girl was one with whom I believed myself to be in the friend zone for several years. And it felt like an accomplishment. Man, you should have been grateful for that friend zone,

friend zone. A Christmas miracle for a man who'd come a long way from a feeble fat ass to a Chad consensual rapist. Oh boy. Never forget that being in the friend zone is your fault. If for no reason other than wasting your time and that most women are psychopaths who want to torture you anyway.

Yours truly a patronian fan, chocolate noodle. Chocolate noodle. Woof! Wow. Very spicy. Listening to neurotic stories Woof. Wow. Very spicy. This thing too, neurotic stories from real. Very, very spicy.

And all right. Dick, shum. A lot of ravishing going on. A lot of ravishing going on. Chocolate Noodle, good for you. So, oh, I got a present. Hmm. I got a present here.

I'm gonna open it. Yeah, yeah, cool. Look at this box. It's a gigantic box man. Is it have to be a microwave in this thing? It's not that heavy. No Could be a microwave maybe some toys like action figures star wars guys Like a Millennium Falcon maybe some Lego Lego things, that would be cool. Maybe, what else could be in here? Says, it's gotta know.

It's a paper. Says, yo dick, I heard you were, okay. I heard you were looking for a wiggly dildo. Oh God. So Brunette Peach and I sent you the biggest one we could find. Love the podcast, keep up the great work, and don't go fuck yourself with the dildo, Sergio and Laura.

All right. Is the wiggly is dildo they could find? Holy shit. This is um 16 incher 16 inch extreme dawn You ever seen one of these no in person I mean oh in person You think this is safe you think this I can put this on YouTube This is a wiggly motherfucker look at this look at Look at the wiggly. That's a fucking thing.

That'll tell. Yeah, it's so small, right? Never seen a dick this small. This small. Sean, look at the wiggling on this. Look at the wiggly. That's the wiggling. This is the wigglyest motherfucker I have ever seen.

Yeah, well, it would be. Wow, you wanna get a wiggle? You wanna get a wiggle of this thing? No. What do you mean no? You see something wiggly wiggle of this thing? No, what do you mean? No? You see something wiggly and you don't want to wiggle it around a little bit. I kind of do. Yeah, okay Don't be such a fucking prick. Nice daying all the time Give it a wiggle

I don't throw it that things fucking dangerous This is fucking the worst thing I've ever seen is more wiggly than you thought right more wiggly than I thought I don't throw it, but things fucking dangerous. This is fucking the worst thing I've ever seen. It's more wiggly than you thought, right? More wiggly than I thought. It riggles on its own. It's a good point. You barely have to do anything.

Ha, ha, ha. Oh, that'll be a gift. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, thank you, Sergio and Laura. Good God. I mean, I feel like I have to hand this back to you like a knife or something where it's like after a hand. Yeah, that's why I planned it to turn around.

Turn around, like yeah, balls first, right? Like I'm not, I'm not gonna do it. Yeah, I'm not gonna hand somebody the tip of anything. No, good God. I'm not gonna make him maneuver around the head of this giant penis. Yeah. Oh, does it stick to things?

Let's see here. No, I don't think so. No, it's kind of well, okay. So there's a suction cup on the back. Is that a suction cup or is that just like the manufacturing base? No, it's got to, it says a suction cup. Okay, so I was, I was,

I'm, you're thinking that it's not strong enough to hold it up, right? Yeah. Okay, but I just realized something, a chick's gonna be fucking this. Yeah. Or a guy. So they're gonna be holding all it is

is to keep it from getting pulled up, right? Oh, thank God that wasn't on camera what I was doing. So all the suction cup is there to hold it in place. It's not to keep it up on its own accord. You understand? No, no, no, yeah. Tris it'll be actively being used. Yeah.

So it's a great suction cup. That's all I'm saying. Because a bad, oh, a bad suction cup, man. A bad, bad suction cup's haunted my fucking youth. Lose suction at the wrong time. Like those nerf guns. Oh, yeah. With the crummy suction tips that you'd shoot at the wall

or the darts, you'd throw at the wall, and they just wouldn't stick and you're like, come on, you're making. Does the man, like in the one suction, the one suction cup would have just a bend in it. Oh, God, that's a worst. It has no, yeah. Like, nobody saw this at the factory.

You know how much convincing it took from my mom to get me this fucking suction cup gun, and now it doesn't stick to shit. Now it is just a bullet. I thought it would be cool to like pop, fucking suction cup gun and now it doesn't stick to shit. Now it is just a bullet. I thought it would be cool to like pop, pop, pop, and stick it to stuff. On the way home or something. Yeah.

Cause I can't shoot a people. God forbid I shoot this foam dart at a person or else my, my mom gets, she's got a gypsy curse where she loses a year off of her life every time I have a little bit of fun and shoot a dart at a person. Mm. Uh, did I tell you I got the boys, my sister's kids, um, did I tell you when I got them for Christmas?

No. Oh, dude, I got them both Nerf guns and, uh, two boxes of replacement darts. Oh, wow. Like 400 so many darts that you don't even need to look for the ones you shot. Yeah. Okay, now everybody's paused while we all collect our darts for the rest of the, everybody stop our fun war and do some shagging and cleaning up.

The vacuum cleaner's gonna collect the lost darts. Yeah, fuck it. You know what boys? Don't ever pick these up, and when these are out, I should buy some nuance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like seven bucks. So I found out later that, or I put these puzzle pieces together

that her and my brother-in-law had already had a similar conversation about getting the boys' darts and that she was very against it, like dark guns. Cause they had guns that fit those darts, but they were hidden. And she's like, well, yeah, I was waiting for the darts to, you know, get lost. Just a fear, yeah. But I was like, well, it's never gonna fucking have a Christmas to you.

Merry Christmas. Maybe you should think about your goals and reorient them. Something that's more achievable. Yeah. All right, I'm tired of holding this thing. Yeah, put it somewhere. I can't see it. All right, everybody, that's been the Dix show.

patreon.com slash the Dix show, thedixshow.com. Stay tuned for more info about road ridge Portland on February 24th and the CD. CD's gonna be fucking great. We're gonna play some songs there. I gotta try to con you into it. I wish you would put a song on the CD. You gotta, you could work with those guys.

I know, I just, when I was going to, I got crazy, and then now, you got time. I just don't have the wherewithal, man. Yeah, but they'll help you. Yeah, I know. Dude, so I went in there, and I'm like, I got this idea, or they had the idea for the song, I don't wanna take any credit,

and I kind of threw out some ideas, and they just like filled, the song, I don't want to take any credit. And I kind of threw out some ideas. And they just like filled, Oh no, I know. Like, they're like a vicious in, and Lecambra and Sam Glazer, all those got, they like, they just create lyrics. I know, they just do it all the time.

Just tell them what you want to write like a song, even kind of about. And they'll help out. They'll do basically everything. But it will be your song. It will feel like yours. You get to be the Sir George Martin. I'm a dickhead musician.

Come on. God dammit. All right. Okay, this song's by Haas and Cruz and Kendall and Hyde. Oh, God dammit. All right, I'm not reading what it's called. Here it is. See you next Tuesday. Oh, James, you don't want to hold it, you want to place it somewhere, okay? 90 minutes long and none of it blows, snack bars out, so let's go!

Okay. Just a couple funny guys and a sound dude smokes that weed. Hey! Funny rumors fly, vote up armchair psychology. Use the news on how it ends Bashing me while we're still friends And each hand read and truth that ends Grab your puffin' cause the shit is going off the deep end Good things don't last forever

When they don't have to go down and flames When you tell us when it's over Was the fact that we're the same Thought we were starkest lovers But now you've gone insane You sang like the Titanic With that dope I came We're not young, but we're reckless

We'll take this way too far Sure, both a little sexy But we could've opened shooting stars Thought we were Star Cross lovers But now you've gone insane If you want a raveless baby Then I'll write your name Somebody in there sounds like Maddox

Probably Kendall and I Somebody in there sounds like him All right, I'm gonna put that in there It's about three times that long I'm gonna put that in the site too Wait, what about the message I sent you? Oh, I figured you would think about it during the week. Well, did it have anything to do with,

did it have anything to do with somebody you were dating at the time and then he was gonna use another person to... Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I remember that, but didn't I... You don't talk about it? I thought you already knew about that. I didn't know about the plan. Oh, I mean, yeah, I remember that, but didn't I- Do you have to talk about it?

I thought you already knew about that. I didn't know about the plan. Oh, the plan, yeah. Well, I mean, did he ever, but like, didn't that other person, it was already worked out between all parties involved, right? I mean, there was a start, like if you, okay, start with the, do you remember the text you sent me? Not verbatim.

Okay. Do you want me? Not verbatim. Okay. Do you want me? Can I say it? Yeah. It was, it was, it was, hey, just to let you know, Maddox is trying to put together this, that Maddox is going to put together like a bomb to show that you cheated on 80s girl.

Yeah. And I said I didn't. Yeah. And I said I didn't. Yeah. And then, right. But and then, but there was somebody on his show that I slept with. Yeah. And I thought he got the day,

I figured he just confused the dates. Yeah. So I always wanted to know from your side how that conversation went because you seemed pretty fucking convinced that it was happening. That, well, I think he had told me, because he had said, I know that, I know that Dix already cheated on her, you know, like this, this kind of stuff. And already, yeah, this was, this was like, three months. This had to have been two months after the break up at the biggest problem.

So he would have just found out that we were dating because he found out we were dating the moment the show was killed. Yeah. And that's it. So that immediately hatched, that immediately seemed to have turned into plan to. I guess so, yeah.

I guess so. I'm really trying to remember. But yeah, that was like, I could tell from the way that he was talking that in his mind that was like an A-bomb. Yeah. And it's a weird, I mean, it's a weird protective thing too. To me, I kind of, yeah, I kind of forgot about it almost immediately afterwards because you were like, oh yeah, well, like I didn't. And like this is, it's like, it's like, I want of forgot about it almost immediately afterwards because you were like, oh yeah, well, I didn't.

And this is, it's like, I want to know more. Parties involved, yeah, but parties involved. New, so I was like, oh, no big deal. It's not going to have any teeth because. But it would have been hilarious if he had run with it. Yeah, I guess I just fizzled out. I definitely banged that girl, but it wasn't anywhere near when you said what? Right.

All right. Yeah, I'll read some of these comments before we do a voice mail. Major Payne says the part of the podcast where they say that language affects the way we think is very true. The book on killing talks about how the army totally revamped basic training using a whole bunch of psychology.

Yeah. On one of the things they talk about is using the word weapon to refer to a gun. Yeah. As the brain thinks of the word gun is just a thing, but thinks of weapon as an item that can hurt people. An interesting thing. So one little change increased their killing power. They also changed the training to emphasize

that your friends will die if you fuck up rather than you will die. Yeah, they discovered that people are less likely to kill to save themselves, but will kill to save others. I think the police need something similar, but to focus on saving instead of killing. They need to have the words they use and the actions they take guided by some psychologists or help find the most peaceful way of solving problems.

Um, yeah, we're just trying not to be a dickhead that normally, yeah, but that's not, you know, kid, that's, that doesn't work. Be less of this. A cop wrote me too. He was, he wanted to call in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Cause, you know, I get heated in them too hard. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it up and I think that collectively they're being forced into a position that is not tenable.

Where they are not able, they're not able to function as we want them to because of the scope of their job. I told him to call back in next time. No, good. It's shot. He's a cool guy though. He's been a patroner for a long time. That is shows the Android or what makes me rage is what people try to talk to you and times that it can be it for you.

Like, you know, leaving a room. Um, people try to talk to you when you're blowing your nose. People try to talk to you when you're in the bathroom. These are all things that fucking hate. Like when you're about to sneeze. Yeah. And someone's like, hey, hey, uh, Dick, can I ask you something? What time are you thinking, just like, just fucking hold on.

I'm trying to sneeze over here. Fuck off. I don't come fucking around with you when you're trying to sneeze. God, can't I'm wait, can you not see my face? What do you got like a brain disease? You can't see it, just looks like a blob to you? Fuck. I'm taking a piss in here.

You ever taking a piss? Can you hear over piss or read? No. Like, I would, yeah, I'd love to piss in here. Have you ever taken a piss? Can you hear over pissery? No. Like, I would, yeah, I'd love to listen to you. Can't fucking hear. Yeah. Leave me the fuck alone. Count to 10.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Ha, ha, ha. Hey pussy thumbs, it's your old pal D.P. and I've got another gun raise for you guys. So, I don't know how it is there, but here everybody feels the need to put the Sputkin printouts to say nothing inside is we're dying for. And it's like a police target silhouette with grouping and on the chest, but it's a printout. Like that's nobody's fucking shot better.

It's just like fucking 90's clip bar you really want to determine first of all now that I know that you can't shoot I'm gonna steal from you if you want to determine get a fucking cardboard cut out of my click black or I'm fucking anybody but I want to clip shoot clip back and evolve shoot it in a dick clip Click what? That's your fucking pattern. Doesn't matter if it's going to be great. That's going to scare me because it's shot to the lung. I might survive it. It's going to be uncomfortable, but you shoot my dick off. My life is fucking not going

in your house because that's what I'm going to do to you. You breaking in my house. Oh, I'm not going to shoot in the chest. I'm going to shoot you in the dick. Pop your eye out yeah uh... home the home defense yeah classic home defense

exactly somebody breaks in the middle of the night you do you you'll you'll think her safe west out your gun jokes on you buddy this is i'm aiming right right for your dick right for your dick how much how much of our lives as men do we spend fantasizing about violent encounters of people who've wronged us and then we exas we we exact revenge on them violently

and we're right and we're right in it quite a bit quite a bit probably I probably think about that more than I think about sex as a teenager I thought about sex a lot yeah as I get older there's an amount that I think about violence drastically outpaces it. Yeah. I actually went through a high point. I think I'm actually on another site. I don't think I think about violence as much as I used to. Yeah. But there was a time where I thought about violence, a disturbing amount of the time. Like what kind of violence? Like, oh, if I was in a 9-11 plane, I would be really happy. No, not like stupid shit like that. Like, I said, stupid.

Because Mark Walberg said it. Oh, we did. Yeah. And Mark Walberg's stupid. I was just being joking. Yeah. I knew that. No, I don't know.

I just, my solution to everything was like, dude, they need to be fucking murdered in front of their family. Like because they're just too stupid to live. Yeah. Like, so I've calmed down. Anybody. Anybody. Yeah, I mean, people who stupid shit all the time.

Yeah. Famous people, not famous people. And it was like, okay, I calm down. I calm down. I rarely, I rarely kill anyone. Maybe I'm calming down too. And I was thinking about bitcoins. Well, okay.

I mean, I'm sorry. Hey, Dick, Matt, some minutes out of here.coins. Well, okay. I'm going to. I'm going to. Hey, Dick, Matt, some minutes out of here. Sorry, I call you all in driving, but it's literally the only fucking time I get to myself in my life, and that is not even my rage. Well, my rage. My rage. That's a good rage, though, again.

Yep, yep. When you get that point where when you get in the car and the car doors close and you think to yourself, you know what, I could just lock these car doors and none of these motherfuckers could bother me until I'm ready. That's the only time you get. I'm gonna drive all the way across town. Hey honey, you need anything? Is the store you need some milk? I'm gonna drive uh, uh, to Nevada to get that milkok to you in a day and a half. God such a very fucking real consequence of of being a human

day is when you go to hope the door open for so much trying to help out your fellow man. Take two seconds out of your day to convenience someone. And they touch the door. I'm standing here like the goddamn statue trying to make your day just the slightest bit easier. Come on in. Be my guest. And it's sincerest, genuine. I just, I'm here. I'm holding the door. I'm posted up like, why the fuck do you need to touch the door? You think of the push on it to make sure I'm not going to what? If you with it, just walk

through the doorway. I've just created a hole where you had an obstacle. You know what? You know what? You know what I hope doesn't happen, but I know it happens. Remember that knockout game when kids would run around, knocking people out and filming it and putting it on YouTube? Oh yeah, that'd be a great prank, a door slamming game.

Like where you, the prank was that you held a door open for somebody and then slammed it right in their fucking face if they didn't hold their hand out. God. You know, because then it would be like a urban, then it would be a thing like, well, I have to fucking hold my hand out. I don't know, because these fucking jackasses

are going around slamming doors and putting it on YouTube and everyone thinks it's all funny. Yeah. Yeah. Even though it's horrible, people are laughing at it. I don't wanna be that guy. Yeah, that's funny.

Sean, that's a funny video. Boy. That's a funny prank. We could fake that, you know? If Count Dankula had done that, and not the Nazi pucks, they'd be fine. Yeah, it's a fake. No, he'd be fine.

I could throw him in prison for, yeah. Just throw him in prison for fucking ever slamming doors on people. We'll fake it. We'll make a fake viral video. We'll be like the door slam boys. Like, hey, this is the door thing. There's what we do.

We go to hotels or we go to play in parenthood when we hold the door open for chicks and then slam it right in their fucking face if they don't you know but it's all fake it's all fake it's all fake I'm saying it's all fake yeah people would lose their minds this is a p on the road why the fuck do car alarms still exist I know they're not stopping any theft because whenever you hear one, they're going on for like five plus minutes Just making everything loud as fuck. That's assuming it was just from something innocent.

Usually it's a motorcycle which is already making a nice noise pollution. Now it's kind of fit there and letting your office. Letting us know what came by, going on and on, but the only benefit is the still effected insurance rates because if so, the insurance companies are fucking retarded and I wish they would just make all of her lives better. But just saying, you know what? We'll get everyone the anti-fear cult theft discount. Yeah.

Oh, that's a vehicle made today comes with GPS anyway, maybe not every, but enough. It's all so jacked, you don't need anything. Yeah And there's no more CDs so what are they stealing? Like we don't live in garden was six they're not stealing your car They're just stealing your iPhone that you left in the car which a car alarm is not gonna deter anybody from Because everybody ignores it and it takes two seconds to steal the fucking phone and you gotta eat and you gotta do drugs. You're not thinking about consequences.

But one guy that had a car alarm all of a sudden everybody's gotta have them. Because we're driving around with half of our lives and our fucking car. So just sloppy and shitty. We can't keep our stuff together. True. Hey, Dick.

This is the silver hammer. I really can fog. Fuck, man. I really, I really fucking dug myself in a hole here, but I'm a man of my word, but it seems that I'm gonna be having to get a tattoo of a Facebook comment that Larry made saying, who the fuck is David Clegg? So yeah, that's something I'll have to do. Fuck. I gotta show you this, Sean.

Okay. Oh, I gotta show you this. Matt, you know Maxwell Kimball, the Silver Hammer. Of course. You know him, long time, long time caller, long time listener of the show. Old Maxwell, the Silver Hammer posts in Facebook that if his comments, hold on, let me just read it,

is it weird for you looking at my another man's Facebook thing? Like do you see weird people on the column over here? Something off about it that you can't quite identify. No. And your curiosity about my social world is speaking. Yeah. Maybe for the, maybe you're interested in Facebook for the first time again.

Oh yeah, definitely. Oh, you know, I was gonna talk about how Bob Ross can't paint a straight line to save his life. Oh. Anyway, I'll talk about that next time. Okay, Maxwell Kimbles has 150 likes and I'll get this as a tattoo. And it's a Larry Blidener comment saying

who the fuck is David Klig with Seven Ha Ha's reacts. 150 likes. It got a lot more than that. Yeah, he sets. So I guess he's gonna do it. I don't know, Matt Miller Inc said he would do it. I think that was a pretty cool tattoo. Did he think that was like an insurmountable number?

Is that like, I mean, that's 150 of anything is like, no, that could probably be hit. And a group with like 4,000 people who are in there all the time. What, whatever, like, yeah. Yeah. Well, if he does it, I want to hear more about that. You should call in, talk about it.

Maybe someone could talk him. Maybe you could talk him out of it. I certainly think it will be a great tattoo. Yeah. It looks cool. It's unique. You know, it's funny. It's funny even if you don't know who David Clegg is. It's just Larry going to the fuck is David Clegg. Yeah. All right, one more. Hey, Dick, this is a Lucos down here in Birmingham, Alabama. I wanted to leave a message. I just seen some shit that I ain't never seen before. I was eating dinner with my girlfriend's mom and her, and she made us all chicken.

Set the plates out and then she individually removed the skin from every piece of chicken and threw it in the trash. I'm from Georgia, I believe in Alabama and I'm sending this voicemail from two-plown Mississippi. I never seen this shit like that in the South. Can't do that in the South. I'm a veteran man, I'm a certified firefighter in EMT and I've seen some fucked up shit but I never seen anybody set a meal of raw chicken down and then remove the skin from each piece of raw chicken and throw it in the trash. Wow you guys sleepin' like you think about all the good things you have in your life and you think about me and watch that.

I had a whole fucking bowl of chicken. I never seen a shit like that man. Skin last night. That's that's only the skin. I never seen a smell like that. Skin last night. That's only the skin. I have a skin that shit like that. Yeah, he's starting. That dude, that's a red flag. He's seen people burned and they look like chicken skin. Afterwards. Yeah, but not as disturbing as a woman.

That's like misery level psychosis. Mm-hmm. It's standing there, looking at the chicken, peeling off the chicken skin, depositing it in the garbage. What the fuck? What in the fucking deed? Yeah, that's a, I mean, I've seen weird porn

that people use to get themselves off. Yeah. Weird like denial things, I've seen weird porn that people use to get themselves off. Weird, like denial things where they want to, like they don't want to have any pleasure at all, like financial mistresses when they just call you and tell you to spend money. And that's what, that's what is getting a guy off, but I've never seen anyone get off

to taking off a chicken skin and throwing it in the garbage. No. That's horrifying. In the South. That's the sun. Yeah. You go home for the holidays, meeting the maybe future in laws. Maybe you have a life.

Maybe you rely on these people. Maybe you're building a family with this girl. And you're going to one day rely on these people to look at your kids and impart wisdom and then you see the woman peeling off the chicken skin. And you realize that one day your future wife is gonna be a chicken skinner. Chicken skinner. This might, and one of your, they might do it in front of you. They're gonna rob your kids of chicken skin.

There's nothing you can do about it. No, well, not one for advocating violence. You got to throw Mama from the train. That was a good movie. You guys, you should watch that together and then give her a little, hey, bitch. Yeah, she's gonna say, wow, why did she's gonna be sitting there stuffing her face with skinless chicken?

Why did they even, why doesn't he even hate his mom so much? And then you just say, because his mom would peel the skin off chicken and throw it in the garbage. In front of him. In front of him. That's why. And then you just feed the skin to the dogs. She's f...

And then you let that silence sit there and eat at everyone's soul. Because that's the only way people learn is that silence that eats at your insides until you're nothing left, till there's nothing left of you. So there's no chicken skin throwing away left. Yeah.

Disgusting. My sister would kind of do shit like that because she's all healthy you know, she's all healthy. It's great. She's a great cook. She's a great cook and she puts a lot of work into it and a lot of it. That's not the part to fucking obsess over what the chicken skin, a meal that you eat,

you know, once in a while that that's not the that's not the part that's making you one healthy, not just that. Well, she would make these meals, but there was always like 75% of a portion that I wanted and there wasn't seconds. And it happened once and I was like, okay, I didn't make any fucking food. But the second time, it happened, I was like, hey, I'm not, this is fucked. You can't starve people like what you're doing. There better be a full complement of seconds. Yeah.

What is this, Auschwitz? I think I led with that. Well, that's, yeah. You gotta get the jokes out early to get everybody on your set. Right, right. Right. Yeah. Right.

My point is, can't be fooled again. All right, everybody, see you next Tuesday. right. Right. Right. Right. My point is can't be fooled again. All right, everybody. See you next Tuesday.