The Dick Show - Episode 86 - Dick on Dickels

Episode Date: January 23, 2018

Yoga pants vs. bustles, NSFW: a pitch for the mutually beneficial segregation of men and women, "content" ruined the Internet, man's endless quest to escape the mob, "Steven Universe" is degenerate, The Women's March, oddguy from Encyclopedia Dramatica calls in with a lolsuit of their own, a school shooting gone wrong, my erotic pallet of familial Jungian archetypes, children singing obscene songs, the One-And-Done Champion, "Look Who You Made Me Sue", the ruination of modern pornography, bras, better studio lighting, "The Rise and Fall of Maddox the Loser", Road Rage: Portland, and Dickels: the first and only comedy podcast ICO; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

We got Lacey's coming in. Lacey's en route right now. Cool. She's driving recklessly. Right. Leaving the cat cafe. Yeah. She's leaving her work at gorgeous people, Jim.

Yeah. They do Pilates and talk about how each other are great. Right. Well, you tried this week. It's their version of church. Yeah. Where they're God, whatever Pilates just tells them what a great job they did all week.

Pray to Joseph. Yeah. Joseph the yoga guy. Joseph the yoga guy. I forget to offend it if you call him a yoga guy, probably. Probably. She calls him Pilates pants. Pilates pants. Oh yeah, she does. They're not yoga pants. They're Pilates pants. Whatever. They're a fantastic invention.

Yeah. No shit. It's like the fucking hottest thing you chicken wear besides nothing. You know what? I would get in an argument. I would like to get in an argument with a 1700s guy over like the big ass dress. Yeah. Versus Pilates fans. That's the best debate. Yes. Like some guy, gentlemen, gentlemen, indubitably, we all enjoy the posterior, right? Inarguably that is not only the best part of the woman, but the only part I'm concerned

about. All right. It's like, fuck, that's a good ass joke. I'm losing this crowd You're like however, there's this gentleman this man is bringing in yoga pants my dear if I wanted if I wanted to know what was going on Beneath that dress I'd marry her All right, you're turned for a rebuttal sir, then I'd be me well listen Colonel Sanders all right Colonel Sanders Let's do it. Raise that thing. Raise that Psyllitus.

Yeah. Ready. Yeah! Hey, yeah! Hey! Welcome to Dick. You need Dick, you want Dick, you love Dick? You got it, it's the show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a concrete bunker in the side of a mountain.

I'm your host, Dick Masterson, the $20 million man. Can't say it enough, I am the $20 million man. I am the $20 million man, Dick Masterson, with me is always a Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Who, boy? My brain, my circuits are scrambled this week.

My circuits are fucking scrambled this week, cause I got blockchain on the brain. My friend, Dickles are out and they are live. They are out in the world. They are out in the world and they are already being coveted. Unsupervised. Unsupervised, Dickles. People are asking me, Dick, what can I buy with these Dickles?

What can you buy with regular money? That's also pretend. That's also make believe. That's true. It's exactly that you can buy whatever somebody wants to sell you in a dickhole you could buy with a dickhole. People have dickles in their hands. They're thirsty for dickles. They're clawing their brains out, going crazy, trying to find the place, the page where you can go to register for your dickles. The Ethereum cryptocurrency I'm talking about is for this show. It's the new eBT. It's the new eBT. Sean, it's the first, it's the first podcast in history. This show, the dick show is the first podcast in history, this show, the Dix show is the first podcast in history

to have a cryptocurrency, to be on the blockchain forever. I'm talking about. That's amazing. It's amazing. Yeah. I'm the only, we're the only podcast on Patreon, probably the only Patreon to have a cryptocurrency. You know, who, you know, how much attention we're gonna get over that? Nothing.

No one's gonna say anything, even though they're real, it's a real coin, a token, a dickle. Your ass can go on your computer. We've already, I've already given out thousands of dickles. Really? Already. Wow. Thousands of satisfied customers of dickles. Really? Already. Wow. Thousands of satisfied customers of dickles of patronis who've been able to find the

dickles registration page, register for dickles, get the dickles and then immediately lose them. Oh, well, we've already had many lost dickles. Look, if you want dickles, you're usually under the car seat or the couch, aren't you? Get, yes. Get, get met a mask. Do not fuck around. I'm going to delay the launch of dickles for 24 hours because I've had too many people

already messaging me saying they fucked up their dickles and they didn't know how to do it and they got too excited and they just put a bunch of numbers in to look like everybody else. They went off in their hands and it went off and it went off in their hand and it never usually happens to them, but they fucked up their dickles. And they had, I mean, this, some people have hundreds of dickles that they lost in the blink of an eye and the cryptocurrency game. So you're going to give them a kind of a do over. I would give them a do. Yeah, just get your shit together. This time, I would give them a do all just get your shit together this time. Dickels are our dick FDI dick insured you these if for only this time only this time

where your dickles insured right and I will make things right but from now on that's on you if you lose your dickles okay you can't come crying to me. Wanting to not wanting more dickles if you lose lose them, that's it. That's fair, that's it. And then I want all we need is for somebody to buy two pizzas with dickles and then it's a real currency. That's the measure. Why too? Because one is, one is, you could, anybody could buy one pizza. Gotcha. But to be, anybody wants to be the first to do some, to sell a pizza for dickles. Nobody wants to be the second. You know, okay. So that's how you know it's real. Yeah. That's how you know the dickles are real.

You know, I've realized though, what's that with all this dickles shenanigans? Because I was I was just I was all deep in the blockchain and Ethereum and numbers and codes all week. I really scrambled up my brains and I realized something. First of all, the internet's dead to me. I don't care about it anymore. All of the... This is what makes me rage.

This is one of the things that makes me rage this week. I was going on the internet just to search for a simple how to get a better streaming computer for the show. All I want is a streaming computer for the show. And I get pages and pages of articles and bullshit and content that is written by college grads. That's the dumbest, don't forget to wear a coat. Articles of, well, what you gotta do is make sure

you get a computer that can stream. And then some people what you wanna do is make sure you get the right number of cameras for what you need. And it's just all, it's the entire internet now. Is this shit garbage content that you can't get anything out of? Like I'm going, I'm searching for the most obscure sentences and sentence fragments to try and pull one, try to squeeze one drop of information from this stone

that is the internet and I fucking can't. Every single video, it's like, here's a 10 hour video on how to build a streaming PC and it's a guy saying, okay, here's a screwdriver. You wanna go lefty, Lucy and righty, tidy. Now let's get to what's a video stream. Video streams are a stream that people send to it. It's like, dude, who is this? It's written, it's content written for fucking robots. It's written for

Google. Yeah, yeah. No, I know exactly what you mean. And when you ask a very specific question and you know that there's an answer for it. So you word your question in a very specific way or multi or variations of a very specific way. And you have to parse down through pity c 101. It's so fucking people. You're like, I know there's an answer and somebody has it, but you cannot find it because there's way too much bullshit to parse. I find nothing. Nothing. It's maddening. It's mad. So I don't give a fuck if there's net new trick, because there's nothing there anymore for me. Nothing, all of YouTube is garbage.

Everything is fucking, the whole internet is full of garbage. I'm done with it. And I realized something. I realized something about life and space and dickles and the Wild West Front and manifest destiny and the pilgrims and and Moana also was involved that the whole point of life is just to escape It's just to escape the the gray goo that that people turn everything into the apathy

the apathy, the apathy, and the mediocreness that consumes everything and ruins it. And to make everything that the monster that shows everything good up and makes it palatable, maybe because like turns it into a consumer product. That's what it is. The only, you know what? The reason we need to colonize Mars is to escape consumer product. That's what it is. The only, you know what? The reason we need to call them on colonized Mars is to escape consumer products. That's why. Because there's none of that shit on Mars. None of it. Just leave it. The whole reason the penguins left England or the pilgrims and land it on Plymouth Rock was to get away from that shit. Like I can't,

I can't, I can't take it anymore. If I have to open up the internet, one more time and search for something that is a very specific question and get six pages of how to guides, let's give up. They're done with it. Done with it, I don't care. I'm done with it. Yeah.

Yeah. I get it. If I gotta sit there, every time I sit there and watch the credit card chip not work and have this some fucking moron stare at me and say, no, you know, the chips they just never work. I got that, that's it, that's it. I'm only using dickles from now on.

Not even using this money anymore. The money's no good. No, because the dickles are backed by something. Nothing's backed by anything. That's the point. It's a token. The value is totally up to you, but it's out there. I was hoping you'd go with that.

It is backed by something. But it doesn't matter. Because like you said, nothing is backed by Zinger. It's the only currency backed by Zingers. There you go. There you go. Get metamask. Get metamask.

Stop fucking around. Get metamask. Find the registration page. That's why we need to call in ice space. We got to escape from the bastards, man. It's the bastards coming along and ruining everything. Here come the fucking bastards and they do whatever we build. The bastards come in and fucking ruin it.

Yep. They took the croissant and made it the croissant, which yeah, don't even want to Chris. Can I have a croissant? Sure. What would you like in it? Just nothing. You bastard.

Nothing you bastard. Would you like to pay for a bag? No, you bastard. I'll just carry all of my groceries out in my hands. Shut your dog up. Shut your dog up, you bastard. How about you do that? Because you're the reason we have to go into space. You and your dog

and there's nothing to do with saving the human race. In fact, those people, we got to leave too. Yeah. Yeah. You only invite people who just want to get the fuck away from all the idea. Yeah. People to escape the bastards. And it's endless. And it's getting worse every day. That's why we need this stuff, because we gotta escape these bastards. I'm in. There's transcriptions for the show now. Sweet.

Yeah, I'm gonna put everybody, you know, a couple people on Reddit wanted them. So I got transcriptions done. I'm gonna post transcriptions with the show this week and see if people look at it. And if people are looking at it, then I'll do it again. There you go. I don't to blow a bunch of them. I'm not made of dickles.

Well, who is? There's only 20 million dickles, by the way. Yeah. They got to fund this lawsuit and that's something. Okay. Also, Road Rage Portland. Yeah. Road Rage Portland is up.

Tickets are up. It's going to be at the Secret Society. 24th? 24th of February. We're going to launch the Dix show album. Tickets are up, it's gonna be at the Secret Society. 24th? 24th of February. We're gonna launch the Dixho album, Vista's the Cambrice, CM Glazed, set Water Boy, Todd, set out.

Everybody's got songs on this thing. It's gonna be fucking awesome, and I'm gonna try to trick everybody into playing some songs from it. Okay, this is what's made me a rage this week. Got a bunch of them. It's already 1220 fuck. Oh, we started, you know, five, seven minutes late. Yeah. You want to talk about the women's march at all? Look, I'm glad I'm glad these, I'm glad some of these ladies are out getting some sun, getting some exercise, right?

We can all agree with that. Yeah, they're already having like huge problems though. Like the average weight time for the bathroom is three days. So is it really? Yeah. It's like a Chinese traffic jam. Yeah. They just go sit out there.

Yeah. Probably forget what they're doing. Yeah. Can we just be, can we just give these chicks free abortions and be done with it? You know what I'm talking about? Oh, that's the march. Isn't that what it's about?

Isn't that what it's really all about? Free, free birth control? I mean, can't we just, can't we do it under the table? Can't we keep it, you know, like look, look, look, look, we're not gonna, the government's not gonna pay for it, but can you ask, you go online, you look, look, look, look, look. We're not gonna, the government's not gonna pay for it, but you ask, you go online. You find a guy, he'll, you find me on the street. Find me on the street.

I'm not gonna pay for all of them, but I'll pay for a couple. I mean, if I got money in my pocket. You got dickles. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. We don't have to look at each other.

Just, here, here you go, here you go. Here's some dough. Yeah, yeah. That's yeah, don't worry about it. We don't have to look at each other. Just here, here you go, here you go, here's some dough. Yeah, yeah. That's all and the pills, not a man alive that doesn't want every woman on birth control. Right, true, right? Yeah, sure. Maybe there's one you don't want, but that's basically all of them,

basically 100%. Yeah. Can we just, can we figure it out, man? Yeah, so this isn't anything, doesn't have anything to do with the, the me too or, you know. Nah, that time's up. You know what it is?

I talked about this on a dick ride in episode. Whatever. This is why these, this is why these marches are so stupid because they're open to everything, right? Well, it, like the Occupy move, like a human fund. Yeah.

Open to every, yeah. Get in here, you, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you too. Right. It's like if you're planning a factory farms, yeah, get in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you too. Right. It's like if you're planning a party, Farms, yeah, you get in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a women's issue. You get it.

You too, you're one of us. If you did, if you planned anything like that, if you planned a party like that, no one's going to have a good time. If you planned a party like the women's marches and said, yeah, we're having a party. Is it a costume party? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. we're having a party. Is it a costume party? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on in. Oh, is it a graduation party? Because my friend, yes, it's a graduation party. Is it a surprise party? Because it's my mom's birthday. I want to have a big surprise. Absolutely. It's a surprise party. Is it a, is it a baby shower? In some way, is it a bachelor at party? Yeah.

Is it awake? My friend, my uncle just died. I'd like to have a wake where we all have a somber, remember and stuff and maybe light some candles. Yeah. Come on in. It's a surprise party, bachelor at part. It's a surprise, bachelor at birthday, baby shower, bachelor at wake. That's what it is. And you'd go to that party and you'd think this party sucks. Yeah. Sure. Who planned, whoever planned this party? Because they're only worried about numbers. That's why. Yes. You whoever planned this party, because they're only worried about numbers. That's why. Yes.

You don't care. They don't care about anybody having a good time or anything getting done, like having a good time, like cutting, no one's cutting a birthday cake at this party. That's what I'm saying. That's why they're a joke. That's why all these marches are, that's why they're seen as a joke. There's again, no focus. Not a single one of them has focus. I don't know. I mean, do you think that it ultimately lacks focus or You think it's it's as varied as you're saying it is or you asked any two you ask two chicks that go to one of those together

What are you marching about? Oh? They're gonna have totally different answers and then you you end up wondering, I, to tell you the truth, I immediately turned away from any news hearing about this because I'm so sick of me too. I'm so sick of, I'm just, I'm so sick. Why are you sick of me too? Because we've gotten to a point where you're not allowed to say things like,

hey, there's different levels of this stuff. Oh yeah. That's, man. there's different levels of this stuff. Oh yeah. That's man. That is fucking appalling to me. And the fact that it's like Matt Damon, I think I brought this up like a month ago when he had the, you know, he said a lot of stupid shit, but he's in Hollywood.

So he's gonna say a lot of stupid shit whether he believes it or not because he needs to play the game. Yeah. So, but the problem is, he said he had the goal to suggest that there are different levels of this type of harassment or assault or battery or what have you, which is of course 100% right. Louis CK is not Bill Cosby. I don't know if I even needed to say that, but he was immediately condemned. And

then the other week he came out, like last week he came out on a apologize for it. He apologized for it. And it's not that he apologized for it. It's that I'm afraid he actually thinks that what he said originally was wrong. That's fucking frightening to me because it means that we have completely stopped me. Yeah, it is. Because it means that we have completely stopped thinking and that is fucked. Now it is, it's like, that is absolutely about,

we're all worried about reeducation camps and getting brainwashed. But it's like, it's weird. It's just brainwashed and fucking self-managed here. People are saying every day, I see a man get on TV or on the internet or somewhere and say some shit that I know he doesn't mean that no

Good Mean you don't you don't mean that at all. Yeah, and I'm afraid of it too. No, it's awful It's yeah, it's Yeah, anyway We got to give we you know we need and I'm gonna I'm saving this for not save for women. We need two governments. America is not safe for women anymore.

They need to have their own president and their own government, like a chick president and a chick government alongside, because what, what would that, and then those two meet? No, it's just completely different programs like when you're watching the voice with your wife and you're secretly browsing porn on your second screen. That's what the US needs a second screen for everything so that we continue so that we can continue co-existing. So then just just make the bubble official. Everybody who lives in their bubble or wants to be,

nobody wants to be offended, everybody wants to get exactly what they want, what they feel they're entitled to, or what they feel they, you're gonna have to give us a slide. Just these bubbles together. Just make the bubble official. Yeah, like a 3D eye poster.

Where you look at it and it makes no sense, but if you stare long enough, and if you stare until blood starts coming out of your nose, these two, these two different populations can coexist. I've never seen that in one of those things. A 3D eye pose, you never, never gotten one to work. All right. I think people are making it up.

You've never got one to work. No. I can't see shit. I never saw the fucking rocket or whatever's in that fucking thing. I, yeah. Those things were, they were very stupid. I hated those three, and those 3D iPosters made me really hate people that I considered friends, because they could see it and I couldn't, yeah, man, just,

You can't see it either? I could see the easy ones. Oh really? Like if it was like a box, or a dog, a bone, or something like, if it was simple shapes, I could see it. All right, I'll tell you what else makes me rage. Being understaffed in restaurants, man. Yeah, not acceptable. No, not, you know what?

If your understaff takes some police tape and cordon off the area of the restaurant that cannot be staffed. It's very simple. Get it's it's very it's very important. Put one of those little signs up that says your weight at this Take a number look at the board. You will not you're not gonna have a good time If you if if if any if a waitress ever tells me oh, I'm very sorry We're understaffed tonight on Saturdayress ever tells me, oh, I'm very sorry. We're understaffed tonight on Saturday. I think, well, I mean, I would, I, I just, I think this place should be burned down.

Don't you, don't, can we, can we breach this contract that we have with waitress, with server and customer and work together and just denude the entire restaurant of all of its assets, because the owner's obviously not. If the owner's here, send him over, and I'm gonna scream until his face melts like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. But if he's not, we're taking everything that's not bolted down in this restaurant,

and we're burning it in a fucking parking lot. Never an excuse. There is never an excuse for having an understaffed, understaffed restaurant. It's not their fucking fault. And you can see these ladies, um, uh, majored in women's studies or whatever, pulling their fucking hair out, gradually getting more surly. And you can see them age in about 50 years. The surliness continuing into their 70s of that night. And you think there's not, you don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be, you don't deserve to have

that reach around the corner, a, I pissed all these people off, you go, you don't, you're a kick because you don't have a choice. You don't, you don't deserve that. Yeah. There's there is never an excuse for bad service at a restaurant. Oh my God. There are things like some freakish thing happens with the food deliveries, things like that. That's a, you can, there are scenarios in which there could be an excuse, even at a top, top in, high in restaurant for bad,

for a off-cension night, never for bad service. And they say it without batting an eye. Oh, yeah, we're understaffed tonight. Don't, don't give me that line. Come on. Talk to me like a man. Talk to me like I'm a real person here. Wasting an entire evening.

Wasting an entire evening, waiting for something I'm not even gonna like. You got, I got, you got 20 minutes, you got 15, 20 minutes of solid banter with your friends and family before the crushing reality sets in of how different you truly are that you've run out, that the end of, that you're not a friend, that you're not a sitcom. You can't, you can't go 22 minutes with commercials.

You got 15 or 20, okay? That's why our pilot was not picked up. You and your friends I'm talking about, we're not getting picked up. We're in a restaurant on a Saturday night, just trying to do something. Not a TV show. You got, it's every time it's so bad,

it's just the phrase hearing it destroys the entire rest of the night. Let me see here. Bra is also, we're making me rage this week. Well, they are. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, let's see where this goes. I was driving a Consuelo.

I was picking Consuelo up this week, cleaning lady, my cleaning lady. I pick her up from the subway. You know, she's got cancer. I don't want to make her walk all the way up here. Oh, picking her up. This lady, you look like a big ass hill too. Yeah. Myle uphill.

Yeah. Past this, past this mom walking her dog, kind of a brawn. Yeah, and I'm thinking to myself, what are these ladies doing wearing their bras all the time? This is what, this is a game changer. We've gotta go, I mean, this is just me thinking this, Sean. The amount of power that women are electing, not to wield by strapping themselves

in these months, in these contraptions every day. It's insane. Because it was not even particularly attractive this woman, mesmerizing. It was mesmerizing. I almost stopped my car like I'm seeing a beautiful sunset. Just a woman casually walking around without a bra. That's, that's, that's, that's, that I now I can't unnotice it. Everywhere I go is this is, what are we, what did we do

to ourselves that this is necessary for all women to be wearing bras like this. Huh? What do you think about that? Well, somehow it has to tie in with this, this separate government idea of yours, I think. Yeah, yeah. Brawds are not safe for women also. All right. Would that be like the, you know, like Republicans have the elephant and Democrats have the donkey.

Women could have their own two parties. That's what I mean. Yeah. Don't you think it would be better, but the left and the right is that I'm looking for like a, the bigger boob and not as big a boob. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to disrespect their political system, but we need to, we need to split it. It doesn't fucking work. We've got, they're marching by the, they're marching by the millions. And for what I do not know, let's just, it worked for, it worked perfectly for Israel and Palestine. We split them up and that,

we didn't have any more problems with them. No, gone off without a hit. It works perfectly with, it's perfect. East and West Germany, just built them a wall, no big deal. One side did a little better than the other one. Yeah. No big deal. Oh well.

It worked, well, so did not work for. I don't know, you know, North and South Korea. North and South Korea. Also. Yeah. Perfect. Also perfect. It's time.

It is time we do that in the United States and we can make it work. We have the technology now Because the present the government doesn't really do anything They just sit up there talking making you getting your votes and making you feel good, right? We don't know what they're doing not doing anything All they're doing is talking to you. All they're doing is fielding. They're like a big customer service box We thought a complain. They're like we we'll get, boom, we'll get to it. I'll say, definitely don't do anything then. So we just split it up.

And now we split that up, we split up the money, we split up the men's country runs on dickles, the women's side can have dollar bills, whatever they're using. We don't, I don't know. I don't know, I got to sit down and work it out. I'm saying. But the country, the country as a whole cannot keep going like this. With both sides continually warring over something, over something that doesn't matter. I'm onto something here.

America is not safer when we gotta split it up internally, not down the middle, but internally. Your wife's watching the voice, you're emailing your buddies, you're emailing your golf buddies. You're sending gifs to your brother-in-law about people falling out of cars and guys getting in bicycle wrecks and stuff like that. I'm saying you're doing two different things even though you're together. I'm talking about, isn't this a secret? Is this a secret to a relationship?

Yes, and we need to do that. America needs two bathrooms. All of America needs two, or this women's smart shit is not gonna stop. I can't take eight more years of this. You know what I'm talking about? I can't fucking take eight more years of marching for nothing

For god knows what All right You take a collar. Yeah, dude on the line sure. All right a Colored today is easy peasy easy you on the line On the line can you hear me? Yeah bump them up Sean. So easy peasy. By the way Is that what you want me to call you? I saw you had a bunch of aliases online. I know, call me Odd Guy. That's what most people call me. Okay, that's what I thought.

I didn't know if you were trying to rebrand or what. Odd Guy has put together this beautiful video called The Rise and Fall of Maddox the loser. Oh, wow. Oh, dude, it's like an hour and 10 minutes long and it goes through. Wow. It's as though it's like a modern day Ken Burns has made

an imagine that Ken Burns has made a documentary of all the fuckups in your life. Oh yeah. Oh hold on, not all the fuckups because I think I got like at best like 40% like I missed a lot of fuck ups. You missed it. I went back, I looked at the at the subreddit, I checked it and there's a lot of stuff I didn't go over. The more I go deeper, the deeper I go into this rabbit hole, the more I want to just tear my hair out.

Because I just, I go into that subreddit for one second. I look at that shit. I'm like, oh my god. He did that He did this. I should put that in the video. I'm there for like five minutes. I'm like, hey, you know Success some sort of European money laundering scan. What the fuck is this shit? Why isn't why isn't this in my video? Yeah What was the most what was the craziest shit that you found while you were going through it because this is like an outsider's Perspective that's what makes it so interesting. And outsider's perspective. Yeah.

I mean, outsider, but are you a fan of a listener, a fan, whatever of? I am not a listener or a fan of any podcast. Oh, okay. I don't like podcasts. They're unlicable. Unlicable. Yeah. Absolutely no podcasts for me ever.

Okay. Interesting. How did you hear about this? I hear about the fucking lawsuit and I tell myself, I gotta check this out because what I love is not podcasts. I love stupid, pointless internet drama. Just the worst garbage. Just absolute crap.

So I found out later that you're an admin for Encyclopedia Dramaticia, right? Really? Yeah, I'm one of the administrators of Encyclopedia Dramatica, right? Really? Yeah, I'm one of the administrators of Encyclopedia Dramatica. I love that side. Yeah, I know. It's so fucking mean.

It's the most, it's the only accurate site on the internet. Like, it doesn't have one piece of factual information, but it is a 100% accurate. No, dude, I gotta tell you. Okay, so you're only saying that because you're like one of the five only people who have like a positive page there It's let me give you a list. It's you Hunter S Thompson

Socrates and a bunch of people who are on the site who wrote the article about themselves Don't the only people who have positive articles that's it and by the way a few days ago I reread your article just to prepare for being on this stream. And I found the most perfect typo on the entire side. You want to hear this? Yeah, yeah, let me hear it. Okay, listen to this. Dick Masterson is an autism. Yeah. Oh, they didn't mean that. That was just a typo. No, I don't think so. I think you're trying to say you're autistic, but apparently you're autism itself.

Yeah, I'm an autism. Congratulations. That's always been my, I think maybe my proudest thing is that my proudest achievement or whatever look into whatever you call just something that happened to you is that my encyclopedia, dramaticicle is positive about me. Like yeah, everything after Dr. Villes like, oh boy, I think you really, you waited into a pool made of snakes and it was also in the air and all the snakes are flying and you are not fucking flying and everybody hates you now.

And it's out there forever except Encyclopedia Dramatic, where it has like a positive article. What's interesting about, and it's the only one everybody else gets eviscerated. Well, brutally. And that's interesting because if somebody doesn't know you, and they say, Hey, tell me about this dick master's in guy. They say, okay, yeah, well, he does this, this, this, this, and this. Okay, you know the site in cyclopetia dramatica? Yeah. He has a positive article. in cyclopedia, Dramatica? Yeah.

He has a positive article on it. And they're like, fucking what? Yeah. Like, okay, wait, there's something going on here. It's like the, it's like the thing that's made me the happiest about the whole, everything, the whole stupid day. Put that shown your resume, just, you know,

you're looking for a job somewhere. I got a positive article on Cyclopeia Dramatic. Here's the fucking link. Please ignore the parts where my head is photoshopped on to gay porn. That's not real. But other than that, just, this is my resume in its entirety, just the link. What is it like running that site? We had Noel from Kiwi Farms on, who is a, you know, Kiwi Farms has a similar site

where he's just vicious in the way they expose. I don't know. No, that's a good guy. Yeah. Listen, running that site is an absolute shit show. Let me tell you some of the things that happened just in recent time on the site, okay? Last month, one of our admins shot up a school, okay? He got a gun and yeah, have you heard of the couch cuck?

No, no. So this guy, he was on our site since he was like 11 years old. He was completely obsessed with school shooters. Like we have a list called the high score, where we list who got the highest score on a killing spray. Yeah, sure. And he would edit that shit every day, no one else cared about, but every day he would be there editing that bullshit.

Oh my God. And about a month ago, after years of being on the site, he gets a gun, he goes to school, then despite being completely obsessed with this for years, he fucks it up completely. Like now he's preparing. While he's preparing, he's in the bathroom putting on his like fucking gear, like he's like he's a fucking terminator. Someone walks into the bathroom, catches him literally with his pants down. So he panics, shoots a bunch of people, wants to some classroom, and the classroom is

currently being taught by a 76 year old substitute teacher who blocks the door with a couch. So he wastes all his bullets on the fucking wall, trying to get through the door, and then when he can't, he shoots himself. He lost a fight to a fucking couch. And this is just last month. About a week ago, we find out that one of the old contributors to our site is currently in jail

for touching a 13 year old boy. And then there is the hottest gossip. Do you wanna hear the hottest gossip about ED? That happened like two days ago. You want to hear about this? Yeah. Yeah. So did you hear about the lawsuit? Let me just give you some context. Did you hear about our lawsuit about us being sued? No, I only know that you're being sued because I read it on the front page of you said. I've been preoccupied with the lawsuit on the outside of my own. Yeah. Ridic ridiculous lawsuit.

But let me tell you, our lawsuit is just as good. Okay, our lawsuit is top notch quality. So this guy who's basically a serial litigator, let's compete, let's see who's lawsuit is better, okay? Okay, I got a dog bite attorney. Who do you guys have? So listen, this guy who has been suing people since 1995 for no reason, at some point in like 2005, by the way, just for saying this, he's going to threaten to sue you, he invites

a bunch of underage girls to his house and gives them alcohol. The police are called and of course he gives a call. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Okay. That's not, I don't have the resources for a forefront war over here.

This guy allegedly did this, all right. Yeah, allegedly did this. Okay. So he allegedly does this. And since that day, he has been threatening to sue anyone who mentions it. At one point, he tried to sue 103 anonymous MySpace users who were talking about this Accusing them of making him fat That's the reason he got fed because they were talking about how he Allegedly gave a bunch of 15 year old girls drinks

So well Maddox Maddox says that that we gave him PTSD and his girlfriend who has to seek mental counseling because Astero's wrote a Santa Cuxong about them. Okay, fair enough. So that's one point for each of us. Let me give you my next article. Okay. So we write an article about this guy. He DMCase it. He sends us a DMCA. We have to take it down. We take it down at some point between Denon and now our site goes down and comes back up.

We bring it back with bots and his article automatically gets put on the site again without us checking. So he sees this and what he does is he takes a bunch of things that we quoted and he goes and he copyrights them. Now what we quoted was things he said on a scam website he created allegedly, allegedly created a scam website. Okay.

It was supposed to be a dating site, but the only man on that dating site was him. Every day it was automatically messed with him. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. That's a brilliant man. So you just it would be an honor to be sued by this man. You make yeah, you know, no, no, your guys, your guys a lot smarter than our guy.

Our guys worried about getting his Christmas lights cut and he can't fix holes in his doors. Our guy has a few for an invisible billboard. That's just beautiful. I actually called himself retarded in his own lawsuit. That was the best part, I think. I got you guys for a Photoshop billboard. So hold on, hold on. Let me continue this story because this is what gets better.

All right, go ahead. So when I was like, oh yeah, so we quote the guy on the article he goes and he copyrights what he said in that quote and sues us so We we of course say, you know, we get a lawyer yeah, site admin He he just gets into a bunch of debt. We're about to get to the real punchline of this He gets into a bunch of debt. He's like a hundred thousand dollars in debt and

We start collecting money the The case gets dismissed. And we're still collecting money. And then two days ago, we find out that the guy running our site has been taking all of the money that we've been getting through ad revenue for through donations and pocketing it. The guy, right. So we kick him out. He's currently trying to destroy Encyclopedia Dramatic because we kicked him out of the site for stealing our money. He was supposed to keep you alive and he just stole all your money. Yeah, so he's currently $100,000 in debt asking people for donations so he can buy groceries

because he's recovering alcoholic. I mean, he's not actually recovering. And we were done. He's not calling. The only ones helping him. This guy, yeah, we call that an alcoholic. Not a recovering alcoholic who's not recovering. We just call an alcoholic.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. Oh, man. So currently, if you watched the, the Count Dankleps, so if you watch, I'm coming to the audience, thank you. You, of course, watch this, you made it. So he made a video telling people to donate to us the the count dinkle episode if you watch I'm talking to the audience, thank you. You're for watching. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he made a video telling people to donate to us. Thank you. If you're watching this, delete the video. Do not donate to us. It goes into the skies like alcohol and meth fund. You're not using it for the lawsuit. I've be disappointed if encyclopedia dramatic was maintained by any less any more responsible

crew, any less chaotic crew than what I'm hearing. Anyone who can do a positive article. Yeah. Definitely not on the level. What about easy? Can you knock down your, your volume? I think I'm bleeding through on your end. God, that school.

I don't, yeah, I don't know if I'm sick for laughing, because I guess what he's the laughing, I know he did shoot people. You don't have to question it. He did shoot people. Yeah, he did, right? Yeah, he shot two guys. Two adults?

No two high school kids. Kids not fuck, all right, never mind. Don't laugh, it's too late, you're already already fucked up. You already laughed. You can't turn back the clock, baby. No, I know. Oh, I know. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad person. The guy is suing this show is sure trying to turn back the clock. Yeah. No shit. All right. I need to, I need to, I need a, uh, upper. Is there any, is there any way, is there any part of your video you think I should play? I want to play a couple minutes of it to give people a taste. It's a great video, man.

It's called The Rise and Fall of Maddox, The Loser. I'm watching this whole thing after the show. Dude, I watched it. I rarely watch our plus long videos, but I stretched this one out over like a week because it's very well done. The visuals are like, the visuals are weird. There's this, there's like a filter over all of it. It spans Maddox's entire career. Wow.

Let me explain the filter for a second. Just let me be clear. The filter is so that Maddox doesn't copyright claim my video. That's the only reason for the filter. I'm not giving that fuck one for making a video calling him a loser. That is not happening. So that YouTube doesn't realize that I'm using his content so that I can have something on screen. That's why it looks weird. What was I going to say? Let me tell you another story. Let me tell you about how awful our site is. We decided at one point to do a podcast too. Okay, wanna hear about our podcast and how much worse it is than yours.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. I don't like the way you make it. Episode one. Yeah, yeah. Listen, this is a good story. You'll like it. Episode one.

We tried to start the podcast. One of the guys can't make it, the psych admin, he can't make it. The recovering alcoholic because he's drunk Mm-hmm. The person I wanted to replace him. I knew he's gonna get drunk I knew he's gonna fuck up. So I got something to replace them. I call this other person this other person is drunk I call a third person their drunk Everyone who actually arrived is also drunk and one of the guys is going to be late because he's out getting drinks and this is That was a stereo. Yeah Yeah drunk and one of the guys is going to be late because it's out getting drinks. And this is too much.

That was a stereo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's and there's nothing wrong with that, but you got to show up drunk. Yeah. Um, um, I forgot to say you probably, first of all, I made some mistakes in the video and I need you to, uh, I need you to verify my mistakes.

Okay, I accidentally said that you're Greek. So, Dick, what I need you to do, I have to be right. So, I need you to be Greek from now on. Okay, I can do that. I've been pretending to be half Mexican for all these years. I can pretend to be Greek now. That's fine. The show's getting more diverse now.

We've got multiple Greeks. Okay, so everyone commenting on my video that Dick is not Greek. Fuck you. He's Greek. I'm great. I'm retroactively right. Okay, you're wrong. I'm correct. Technically right. The best kind. All right. So you probably wanted to ask me why I made the video. Go ahead, ask me. Why did you make the video? There we go. So I hear about the lawsuit. And it's like, you know, I'm going to make a short video about this, you know, 10 minutes tops. There's no way this is going to be longer than 10 minutes. So I read the lawsuit. It's of course a complete, complete joke.

I mean, not compared to our lawsuit that's suing us for copyright infringement of a picture of a guy wearing a beaver costume, but it's a good, good lawsuit. I still give myself more points in this contest, okay? So I decide, you know, I can't only talk about the lawsuit, I have to dig a little bit deeper. And I start looking into this shit and it's a complete shit show. So it just keeps going and going. It never stops.

Like, I don't even think you got to the restraining order in this video. And I thought the restraining order would be the biggest would be untoppable. Like having a woman breaking, having a woman admit in court that she called somebody's school to get them fired immediately.

Like she didn't even have to do that. First thing she says, yeah, I did it. And this is why it's like, bitch, are you insane? Because she was justified. Yeah, this is the level of insanity. It's like these people already live in their own virtual world that does not resemble the actual world in any way, except in the physical parties involved.

Go from that to Maddox, humping the door knob, trying to get into, explain his side to get his girlfriend off probably for the first time in their relationship. The binder of mean tweets was the best part for me. I did mention it and I described it as a handful of mean tweets that Dick had sent him. That's what he brought his evidence. Just the fucking fistful, just coming up to the judge with crumpled up, cut up versions of tweets he printed out. Look, Judge, this is the proof. I got it right here. Arrest this man. All right. I'm going to play it.. I'm gonna start playing at the one minute mark

in your video and think about what makes you really. They don't play the one minute mark. The one minute mark. Sorry, the one hour mark. The one hour mark. I don't watch your podcast. No, that's jump at least 10 minutes ahead. I'm gonna go to the one hour mark

because your conclusion is devastating. I'm just play a little clip of that. Go for it. And watch what stupid thing he says next. While Dick has great guests on this show and sounds like he's actually having fun, Maddox is forced to invite people he despises in a desperate attempt to reach off their popularity. In fact, let me go off on a quick little side here. Chris Raygun, Sgt.

of a cod, Blair White, all of these people, okay? All of you skeptic types that go on Maddox's show. You know he hates you, right? I mean, you gotta know that, right? You know he's one of those people that calls you people racist online, that calls you and all your fans bigots? I mean, I have no problem with seeing down

and talking out your differences with some of you disagree with, but that's not what's happening here. What's going on here is a guy inviting people he absolutely hates onto his show and just not bringing it up because he needs their fan base for some ad revenue. This is the same guy who was recently on a video with fucking Destiny, crying about internet harassment. I mean, seriously, on the off-chance that any of these people watch these videos.

Just stop it. Stop going on this guy's show. Stop giving him attention. Just just stop. You have nothing to gain from this, because he doesn't have a shred of popularity left and he doesn't even like you. He's just taking advantage of you people. If you're the type of person who doesn't like SJWs, don't

associate yourself with a guy who defends Antifa and only wants you on his show because he wants your fans money. And if you're a feminist, maybe don't support a guy who's still profits off signing a book containing a rape manual who treats his female friends like they're his property. Maybe don't do that. You can stop by jumping the next one. Okay, jump to the next part. Let me see here. I'm gonna go an hour or five minutes. Georgia's face.

And see he is just about to cry as everyone else on this podcast sits around and laughs at what kind of thing. You're talking about the drunken peasants. We'll tell that to my god. Oh my god. Oh, here's one that came through. Okay. I'm going to give a little preview.

This is when Maddox was on the drunken peasants pod. Dude. Uh, so this, the drunken peasants podcast, uh, fell apart was disbanded. I heard about that. It's looking immediately after that. Yeah. Immediately the mat, the mattox got on. The mattox curse took effect.

He went on the show and it almost immediately disbanded. My fuckery sense is really tingling. Like those two guys, Ben and TJ split and I don't want to say, I don't want to make any comments on like what, I think something, I think something fucky's going on just based on my interaction with the guys. It's TJ. I watch the one, the one podcast where Jim was here, where Mr. Medical was here. Yeah. This is the banana guy. Okay. Remember the banana guy. Yeah. The world record or there of most bananas shoved in one's asshole. Yeah, yeah. So after the record One I think it's like three, but they're like really big

You have to wheel them up. Jesus big bananas fucking Christ. It's the one that you catered lady puts in your head after the show TJ messaged me with the spiel about wanting to keep the peace and wanting to talk parties down. Like, are you fucking insane? Talk parties down. What are you talking? I'm getting sued for a half a billion dollars and fucking moron. No, that's fucking a me. And then I see somebody said on Reddit that Ben got locked out of all their accounts.

And to me, I see that and think, oh, I remember, I know what this is like. I know this fits, this fits, this fits a story that I already know. This fits a story that I already know. So I'm going to tell you guys where it's heading, but I don't know what's happening. I don't think any of them are saying what's happened. But this is from one of the last episodes of the Drunken Peasants when Maddox was on and their chat log, their chat was so badly filtered that they had to refund people who paid to ask questions because Maddox made them have a huge filter

list. So nobody could ask about like biggest problem. The best question get through. But somebody managed to sneak a question through. They sure did. A very fucking smart person managed to sneak a question through. There sure is. A very fucking smart person managed to sneak a question through. And this is live. I'm going to put this video on this episode.

So if you're a Patreon.com slash the Dixiel, you're going to be able to see it. But this is a. I'll send you the actual, the actual video I stole this from. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is it. This is a question getting asked of all four people live and watching Maddox's faces like

you can, you can watch, you can watch where he leaves reality and goes into the Oculus Rift in his head. There are literal tears in his eyes. I could see a little twinkle there. I promised you he was on the verge of tears. Okay. Here we go. I'm gonna play it. TJ, what would you do if Ben banged your ex from three years ago?

That's his prerogative at this best. Yeah, I know, I know, I know, claim to that no more. Who fucking cares? No, it'll fuck, dude. Look at him. Look at Maddox face. What the fuck, fridge, man? I understand people who get mad if someone bangs their ex. He's worth a little banger ex from ten years.

No reaction at all. He'll be mad. Oh yeah. Slightly less. It's our 10th anniversary. I can't believe one came through all of a sudden. That's pretty weird. No reaction that people are even talking at all.

Oh, very uncomfortable. All right, easy peasy. It's a great video, or a guy, sorry. Great video, I love it. What makes you a rage? What makes me a rage? Yeah. Alright, this is gonna be a little stupid, but bear with me here. What makes me rage are modern children's cartoons, okay? Because the biggest video on my channel is a video I made criticizing a TV show for kids. I saw someone else's video and I thought, wow, this is interesting.

He says, this is a really bad show. I watch it. I tell myself, I'll check it out. I watch the entire thing and I want to like prop again. What cartoon was it? Sorry, what? What cartoon was it? Steven Universe.

Now Steven Universe is infamous for having, like Tumblr is the fan base. Yeah. Tumblr girls and fan base. Yeah. Tumblr girls and their pistas fuck and if you say anything bad about the show, they'll just haunt you for the rest of your lives. I am getting so many death threats. It's absolutely beautiful.

You know what? I got to tell you, Ashtereos was over and he was watching Steven. He was binge watching Steven Universe and I had heard him, but I never had seen an episode before. So I sat down and I felt like an old racist uncle because there was, first of all, all three, all three of the hero art chicks are like super powered and always right. And like the boy Steven Universe, dude, it's a little weirdly sexual, his interactions, it's like a weird, it's like a little bit of a weird feminine dominant poly amorous living situation that they're in with the suit second secondly one

of the characters one of the character shanae shit you not is a little boy and a little girl that merge into one being that has has no sex this Has no exact, so this happened. And I said, Asterios, what in the fuck is, I've never seen, what the fuck is going on? He's like, oh yeah, it's,

it's like Stefania or something, that's their name. Listen, I gotta give you some more context to this because the people making the show who are just insane, they double, as they know, at one point basically,

I admit that the fusing is essentially sex. Like, it's a metaphor for sex. So these are little kids. I've been very uncomfortable. And at least, listen, at least two people who make this show have drawn cartoon child porn, at least two of them. Yeah, there's something about the show, like the way they draw an ass and the way people stand that really,

that weirded me out. And then when there was a little boy and a little girl coming together into like one, a genderless adult, I was like, dude, I, I can't watch this. I've never, like it's, I'm, it's good. It's just wrong. It's just wrong. This is wrong, stereos, that you're watching this in my house. Turn it off immediately.

Get out, get out of here. I made that video. I, one of the, one, some guy told me that he knows one of the careers in the show and he's like 100% sure that this person's a pedophile. I haven't shared this on my channel yet. That's how you get sued. This is some creepy shit.

I'm not making this up. There's something wrong with that show. Oh, all right, man. That's a good one. Thank you for keeping in cyclopedia dramatic, despite all the school shootings. And Jesus. Yeah. Thank you. I'm hoping for more school shootings that it drives up traffic. Okay. That's it. Yeah. Goodbye. Thank you for calling.

Thanks for making the video. Bye. Yes. Have you ever seen Steven Universe? Yeah, I have. I mean, it's fucking weird, right? Yeah, here and there. It's weird. Yeah, I can't stand the kid's voice. No.

All right, I'm gonna play, I'm gonna play a little song. I'm gonna play, drives up traffic I'm gonna play, uh, drives up traffic. Yeah, what a sick man. Take sick people to make the world go around, Sean. What else is that? Take sick people to make the best. That's why we gotta split it. One spectrum isn't, one spectrum of good and evil

is not working anymore. Can I have my old half? Yeah, you need to be, you need to be, you need to be the middle. But you're so far over on our end that people think you're a bad guy too. That's why we need to drop it right in the middle again. Men and women can't be sharing the same spectrum of good and evil.

Separate beds. Separate beds. Separate fucking beds. That's what the book's gonna be about. Separate government, separate beds, separate money, separate good and evil, separate God. We're gonna go to the same church and all that we're all gonna have our own sermons,

separate, different, separate, but equal. Separate, but, look, it's worked every time we've tried it. North South Korea, the South, the Confederacy and the American Union worked. Plus CV Ferguson. Plus CV Ferguson. All successes. East West, Israel Palestine. Yeah.

Never, we need to segregate the country. It's a pro-segregation book, but in a good way. But in a good way. It's gonna work this time. Ladies and gentlemen, those weren't real, that wasn't real, that wasn't real communism Cegric, that wasn't real communism. This is the real communism. It was like, crony communism.

That was crony. That was, ah, that was done. That see, see, previous segregation was done to hurt one group, right? Mine is done to help both. Both, both, right, both, right, both. Both. Yeah.

Oh, this is sick. This is going on the next lawsuit. Oh boy. This is by... This is by Kendall and Hyde. Look who you made me sue. Oh. Guys, we definitely had creative differences on the show.

The Titanic bit. Fake boats and the database. It's just from... He's an unprofessional... I even sent him an email. There aren't two sides to this. Oh, two of the stick lives. Don't. Like your little face. Don't.

Like your live road rage. The roll you made me play. Of the cuck. No, I don't like you. I don't like your nice hairline. How you laughed at dick lies. Your I girl used to be mine. Big foul. No, I don't like you. I got a dog bite lawyer to help me suit you at first rimes do you like homemade lawsuits? dude I write them all the time

I wrote this whole thing but a lot of words are underline check it once didn't spell check twice oops ooh muckoo he made me sue muckoo he made me sue muckoo he made me sue

muckoo he just made me ooh made me he made me sue muckoo he made me ooh, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, leave me, You used me for some snacks to eat. Blocked you all, because you dropped hot memes. Another day. Another leak more gossip drama drama, but not for me, not for me. All I think about is Sonic. The Puckers will lose all one thing's for sure. I have a job to do, but you'll all lose yours.

I got a dog bite lawyer to help me suit dick for crimes. Do you like a pasta feast, dude? I use them all the time. I got a list of names and yours is in pink under a line. I'll sue you once, then I'll sue you twice. Ooh, you made me sue. Look who you made me sue. Look who you just made me, ooh.

Look who you made me sue. That is the funniest thing of like the last six months. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode.

I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go to the next episode. I'm gonna go bad, he's too bad. My bad. I'll be voting gold. Stop it about the bad dreams. Suspicious. I don't like nobody and nobody likes me. My natural records. I'll be that kind of gold starring in your bad dreams. I don't like nobody and nobody likes me.

He was negligent, so I'll be the best author for all of them. I'll be the best starring in your bad dreams. Bad dreams, bad dreams, bad dreams. Bad dreams, bad dreams. Look who you make me soon. All right, all right. Wonderful. Kendall and Hyde. I like guys. He does the point. Good man. Yeah. I mean, it's a great version of that voice. Yeah. Yeah. God, I was at I was at the little Irishman's violin recital yesterday. And um, he's still doing that.

He was the, he was the finisher. Whoa, he was the last act. Whoa. And mother fucker, his song was identifiable as a song. Whoa. Instead of just notes that you have to, notes that feel like a lopsided wheel, right? Children's challenges are like,

oh yeah, no, they're horrible. One other, he did great. One other kid did amazing. Maybe the one of the most amazing child performances I've ever seen. Kid gets up there with a violin, plays the Batman song. It's like little Johnny, little Johnny fuck ball

with the Batman theme and he gets up there. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na. Well, Johnny Fuckball with the Batman theme and he gets up there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Beautiful no fumbling around key changes like different Different parts of the song just bam walk off no eye contact done like a five-year-old bucket head Then the next girl the announcer gets back up and she's like, okay, here's some The Indian girl with Three songs jingle bells and I was like, oh come on lady just one and Just one and done. Like the gentleman has just showed, wanted. So they got this thing. They're also throwing in kids singing, which is abhorrent, which is absolutely terrible.

You can't, and the little girl saying the real version of that song we just heard, the Taylor Swift song. Look what you made me do. Like this, there's this, check on piano playing an accompaniment with this girl, with this girl like mumbling into a singing into a microphone, because kids can't sing. You're not training any sort of musicianship by singing. It's just children's karaoke. At least you're learning motor skills with the other things. And like that can last, but singing is not an instrument. Fuck you. It's not right. You either have a, you either a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a Taylor Swift song. And it's like, I'm trying not to look around because I don't want to see all the other dudes looking around going,

is she singing about like, yeah, suicide song? And then the music, the piano goes dead, the woman stops playing and the girl gets right to the mic and goes, she must have been seven. She goes, you can't because she's dead. I'm like, is this, do I need to call like child services? What is going on here? This is, it was, it was very uncomfortable. Thank God the Irishman was there to bring it home with his, with his big rock candy mountain, big finisher. Oh, there you go, yeah.

He was playing the classics. He was bitching all day about why can't we just leave when I'm done playing? I don't want to hang around and listen to a bunch of these schmows. Yeah, sure. Fuddling and fudzing their way through quite honestly uninspired renditions of the source material. I wanna leave, so we got there in the program.

Just kidding for both. He's a little bastard. At the very end, he's at the very end and everyone's like, there, see, you got your fucking way, we're gonna leave right when you're done. He's like, good. Yeah, that's all I wanted. Yeah, that's all I there, see, you got your fucking way, we're gonna leave right when you're done, it's good. Yeah, it's all I wanted, yeah, it's all I wanted, very simple. Well, let's wait for Lacey to get here.

They're right. And I'm gonna read some stuff. Well, look at that. Lacey, you have a seat. Pop your cans on and speak right into the microphone, please. Oh my, they're not plugged in. I disconnected everything because I was playing piano on Twitch. I happened to be doing it during Maddox's first ever Maddox news broadcast where he looks like an egg who has cancer delivering the news in a monotone with no jokes.

He's telling people that they shouldn't be eating tide pods, even not even as a joke. I call my God, dude, you are eating what? Tide pods. What's that? People have made fake recipes using the little soaps in a pouch. Oh, yeah, they're like, here's how you,

those are actually eatable. You just mix them up with some noodles. And they do, they do one of those stupid, instructable here. Here's how you, those are actually eatable. You just mix them up with some noodles. What? And they do, they do one of those stupid, instructable videos. It's funny. Yeah, it's funny because it's so revolting, right? Yeah.

And because deep in the back of your mind, you think it's some moron might eat that. People do eat them. Tide pods? Yes. That was like an epidemic. What do you mean an epidemic? People are eating them.

Get on, Get on them. People were eating tidepods. When? Like a couple of years ago, they had to pull them off or they had to recall them or something because I think kids actually, kids were eating them out of their candy. You know what they looked like?

I've thought about eating one. No. Cause they looked like mints. No. They looked like mints. If you look at it, it looks like a juicy little mint. You're like, man, look at that thing. It's not be delicious.

How could this not be food and refreshing? Like your mind's easy. Like the only things that look delicious are tasty foods. Like mints and tasty treats and stuff like that. You've been for a rude awakening. Ooh. And he was stopped by a couch, an old lady with a couch. Like that's...

I remember one thing from the Bible, and that's that a guy got thrown out of a tower by a woman, and he'd spent his whole life talking about how he wanted to be remembered as a big warrior that got killed by like an a manly thing, and then a woman pushed him out of a window. I don't know that story. That's the only story I remember from the Bible because it's so fucking funny. Really? Yeah.

Wonder who it was. A computer just shut down on me. That's okay. I'm sorry. We have a lot of computer problems. Yeah. Seems to be happening today. No, you lost all your news.

It says it's installing software and I did not press in. So I'll oh my freaking god. So what it's going to take a couple of minutes? That happens. That's fine. I don't know why it's just automatically doing that. It does that. It gives you a choice up to a point. It takes it away. And it's like a, a Mac is like a guy that's taking you to six dinners. Like you had dinner three, four, and five to say no and make a decision, but six it's going, it's happening no matter what. That's like updates on a Mac.

I'm definitely pressed it off if you take it. Yeah. Hey, how about this? You want to stick? Give me remind me later. Remind me later about that dick. Okay. You remind me, eight, I reminded you about this dick,

this dick popped up yesterday. It's today, how about some dick? How reminded you about this dick, this dick popped up yesterday. It's today. How about some dick? How about you take a look at this dick? I guess that, no, no, no, it's an hour. And then the next time you plug in your MacBook, that dick's coming. No matter what. And you're like, well, how about another hour?

No, bitch. No, absolutely not. No. It's time for that dick. All right, I'll read some advice while your computer reboots. No, I'd like to do the news first. I know that face. When Lacey's got her hands clasped together, it's tearing you to your computer to see if

her news got deleted or not, that's there. The news isn't deleted, I saved it. Okay, I know that when women do that and now their heads like that They're praying to the god of not letting men yell at them Please Patriot who is that pay Oprah may be please Oprah don't let this man yell at me Don't let any men yell at me today. Please. I've had a rough day of being sensational and fabulous and inspiring and being inspired

and loving beauty and loving life and acceptance and tolerance. Please don't, but it's all hanging on by a thread. And if one man were to come, if one man were to yell at me in this state, I would have to take it all back and- I have to take it all back. I just want to talk to him.

I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him.

I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him.

I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him. starting up. Right? Yeah. It's threatening. Oh my God, I fucked with the lighting. And you, you look amazing. Oh. You look almost as good.

You open the door. No, no, no, no. No. Lacey. Ha ha ha ha. I'm trying not to yell. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

That's what you got from that. I did all of these things on the computer, and you look better, and you think it's because I opened a fucking door. I did a lot. Thank you very much. I was in a way. I was in a way.

And alloys. Yes. Yeah. What did you do? I slid them. You did, I slid set. I turned that light on for starters. About time.

I need some light, please. Well, I didn't know. I didn't know. I was told. I was told. I appreciate whoever told. You're welcome. Thank light, please. Well, I didn't know. I didn't know. I was told. I was told. I appreciate it. Whoever told. You're welcome. Thank you, Jamie.

Oh, we're me. I'm looking at you as out of an incredulancy. Some of those remarks. How's it going? A lot of boozing going on in here. What are you drinking? You're not drinking, are you? It's being professional.

Drinking water. Actually, there's nothing in here. It's there. Only sober, only truly sober people can even see what's in here. Only truly. I'm doing pretty good on my no drinking in 2018. I had a New Year's resolution to not drink at all. Wait, what?

In 2018. Yeah, I gave up liquor. I haven't had a couple of rel resolution to not drink at all. Wait, what? 2018. Yeah, I gave up liquor. I have it a couple of relapses. No big deal. There's no way you're going a year without drinking. Yeah, I am. You've already relapsed. Just like 10 to 10.

It's not a big deal. It's a 21st. It's the important thing is that I renew my mouth every day. The first thing is that I wake up every day and congratulate myself for living by my principles. Yeah. That you fucked up the night before. Not a fuck up, just a minor setback.

Yes, yes, that's that. You can't talk to yourself like that. Learning it's a great experience. Learning it's a great experience. What did it succeed? Cernovich, Mike Cernovich. He's a citizen journalist, man of the people. He breaks news stories.

He breaks the types of stories that you cover. Oh. So you guys are kind of a team. You and Mike Cernivich. Mm. Mm. Do you know who he is now? No fucking idea.

No, but you think that maybe he's not what I'm telling you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah. A minute minute less than a minute Oh, that was less than a minute Oh my god I Like whisper did I would say To hell you doing

Logging into my apple ID, trying to remember her why do you need your phone to log into your apple ID? Try to remember her password. About a million passwords. Lacey, are you fucking kidding me? Was that on the camera? Hold your hand up where it was. No, that's okay. Are you fucking, Sean, I'm telling you man, they need help. This shit doesn't work for brides.

They all have this, okay, listen, listen. Put most of this stuff in, by the way, Sean. The banter, but cut out the middle stuff that's not, that's just dead. Every woman, I'm serious, and I mean this as a compliment. You have to say that when you're about to say some criticism to me. Yeah, yeah, it's like a no offense, but no, no, no, no, no, you have to say that when you're about to say some criticism. No offense, but no, no, no, no, you have to say the opposite. If you say the word offense, they think you're a fit. But if you say, I mean, this is a compliment. And they're like, no, I'm saying, I

can't say something really offensive when you say, yeah, they'll just take it. I mean, this is a compliment. They all, all women have this have something with their computers where they have to go through this insane, elaborate way to access something basic on their system that requires multiple pieces of papers and steps that they just don't question anymore. Like, huh? Just how I do it. I always need to go out in my car and get a piece of paper that I keep in my glove box to get into my Gmail account on my computer. Don't you?

No, you just use the password remembering thing. Why do you have 20 passwords on your phone in a text file? Cause I have like 20 different accounts, various accounts. We all have that though. Do you have the same password for everything? No, I use a password rememberer. What's that? It's built into the thing.

It's built into Chrome or whatever you're using. There's like, there's things that exist to do, to do what you're doing. There's things that exist so you don't have to read your a text file on your phone every time you want to log into something. Can you show me that too? Yes.

No. Thank you. I've got the news pulled up. Okay, Lacey, welcome back to the show. Thanks for having me. Yeah, you're gonna be in Portland. Yes, I'll read there. I'm stoked.

I can't wait. I can't wait. You're gonna read some news there as well. Oh, it's a news there. Nice. You're from up there, right? Well, I'm from the Southern Oregon coast. Southern Oregon coast.

Five hours from Portland. Oh, that's a lot. But I have spent a lot of time in there. What are the, what are the chicks like? Can you pull in, can you get like, they're all like you? I mean, yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow.

And Sean, you're not coming back. In Portland, Portland. Yeah. Not accurate. Actually, it's definitely not accurate. What are they really like? I mean, I can't blank it for everyone. They're different types.

All right. What do you go for news? What do I got for news? Okay. A medical examiner reported that Tom Petty died of an accidental drug overdose, which is sort of hard for me to believe considering all the drugs that were found in his system. Wait, Tom Petty's dead? You don't know that?

I'm not sober. I don't remember that shit. You know, I hear it. I know it for like a couple hours. And the next day I wake up, I don't like go. Remember Tom Petty has passed. I wasn't doing a marathon so quickly. The next few days.

The next few days. Following his death. Yeah. Remembering him. Anyways, the medical examiner. I always thought he just was dead. Like there's, there's a lot of people that I think are dead and have been dead for decades.

Yeah. Who are not dead? I think God, that's too bad. You're, I think you're wrong. I think you're wrong. Yeah. No. No. Well, Tom Petty's dead.

Well, he died. I'll talk over a second, I believe. The medical examiner that performed his autopsy revealed that the drugs found in his system at the time of death included toxic mix of opioids, including fentanyl sedatives and anideoprescent. So, he had like four different types of fentanyl in his system, which I'm not going to list them off because I can't pronounce any of them. Try, give one a shot. Give one a shot.

Give one a shot. You're professional broadcast here. Acetyl? Acetyl? Acetyl? Acetyl? I don't know. Fentanyl?

Acetyl fentanyl? Acetyl, is that what it looks like? Okay. And I'm not going for the next one. Give another one. No. Give another one a shot. I have. What if there was money on it?

Could you read one of these chemicals? No. If there was a dickle on it. If you got a dickle for everyone you got right. Desperate all? Okay. I don't even know if that's a dickle. Okay.

How old was Tom Petty? 66. Yeah. Mid-60s. It's pretty good. Yeah. How old was Tom Petty? 66? Yeah, mid-60s. It's 60s. I think my parents are that old. Yeah, mine are. So what you just mentioned, that fentanyl acetyl acetyl?

I don't know if that's what it is. Well, actually, it's a scheduled one drug and it's not even approved for medical use in the US, and they found that in the system. So that's pretty scary. Why is it scary? I didn't hear that. Yeah, schedule one drug. It's not approved.

Like a broken hip or something. Yeah, so that's what he was suffering from. It was a broken hip, or while he fractured it, and then he went on tour. Fractured it, and he went on tour because he wanted to serve his fans, and it ended up causing him a ton of pain. So his family released a statement, they said, despite his painful injury, he insisted

on keeping his commitment to his fans and he toured for 53 dates with a fractured hip and as he did it worsened to a more worse injury. On the day he died, he was informed that his hip had graduated to a full-on break and it is our feeling that the pain was simply unbearable and was the cause for his overuse of medication. Yeah, me too. Drill yourself into the ground. You got to love pain, man. Yeah. I'm getting used to restart and that's it. So without a seatle fitting off. Yeah, really, I have an unimaginable amount of stress from the lawsuit.

Yeah, yeah, better go on to it. Yeah. What else you had? Well, you are. So the Manson family killer, California governor, Blocks fan, Houghton's parole. Governor Jerry Brown has blocked Leslie Van Houghton's parole for the second time in two years.

The parole board recommended that she be released and that she's suitable for parole, but Brown blocked the decision. He said that she's downplaying her central role in the murders and pushing the blame on to Manson instead of herself. But she counters and she says that she was only 19 years old and brainwashed at the time. I wish her argument was just like, look, I'm a chick. I'm a real. In LA, who's, I mean, what are you guys serious? You're right.

I think Count Daniel is more guilty than her. And I've read that whole, like I've read that whole Helter Skelter book, Bugliosi's book about Manson. That's an interesting hell, interesting as hell. Is it book? Yeah, the prosecuting attorney goes like one by one through the entire case and the background and talked about how Manson like brainwashed these kids into doing this. It does. It does seem a little ridiculous to. Pretty ridiculous. He reluctant. No, what? You think so? Yeah, she was 19. What is she now?

70 three, I believe. Yeah, 60s. I think she's probably had all the crazy got knocked out of her. You think she should be locked up? Yes. Still. Yeah. 19 year old chick. Yeah. She was smiling, smirking in her picture. In the 70s. Yes. Yeah.

In the picture that they caught at court. Yeah, but, but, well, you would. You would? You would if you were 19 and brainwashed, right? Yeah. Wouldn't you? I mean, that's...

You just be like, fuck. No, I don't think you'd come out of it that quick. Yeah, I think you're like, you've got, nope, she was probably, she's with Manson already. So she's probably been abused her entire life. Like, and they didn't have worse spoiled because we've already seen this shit play out hundreds of times. And the 70s, they got nothing, right? Like they're, they don't know what it's like to have been abused. That like they don't recognize the signs in themselves that they're liable to get brainwashed, right?

I mean, I don't know, I don't care if she gets out or not, but it's like, give me a break. Poor thing. Oh, all right. I agree with Manson too, right? But fuck celebrities. That's what she should do instead of, like instead of the, I was innocent,

I was just 19, he's like, look, on the top of the top of your head, you can't give me five celebrities, you'd like to get whacked? Because I think you all could. Fucking parole, great. Like, Shawshank Redemption. Shawshank Redemption, he didn't get out

until he was honest with them. He was always giving them bullshit that they wanted to hear. And then he came and was like, are you fucking getting these? You're building a shit. You're not a shit. You're not a little shit.

Rehabilitated isn't his thing. I'm a 70 year old man that's got to piss three times in one night. All right, I don't have murdering people. You think you guys fucking fixed me this ass rape festival. You got Sean Prisen. What the fuck are you talking? This is, this I mean that's what she should say killing celebrities I would do it again, but it's a lot harder to do now because of Google parole granted

That's what she's got to do you think yeah Just admit you got to give a little you got to gotta give them a little bit of spice. If you act to the parole board, well, maybe let us Jones would know. If you roll over and try to tell them a story that they wanna hear, they're gonna, they people love exercising power. That they just love it.

You give them a chance, like you say, oh, well, if you start giving them an explanation, bam, you're gonna get that power shaft right down your throat. But if you stomped them, yeah, I did it. I, you know what, we just didn't get, I'm gonna get out of here. I'm gonna kill Trump, fucking parole granted. That's what it's gonna be.

She's already a murderer. What's the worst that could happen? She goes back to jail. That's what they's gonna be. She's already a murderer. What's the worst that could happen? She goes back to jail. That's what they want to avoid, right? I don't know. It's just too much. I don't know. That back and forth.

Just keep her where she is. Yeah. Okay. What else you got? Okay. So, a veteran sees after a scalpel was found inside his body for years post surgery. She's here about this shit. You did? for years post surgery. You hear about this shit.

You did? No, I mean, you hear about this shit from time to time. Hospital is leaving like a surgical rags. Lacey, you couldn't even, you couldn't even show up with a working computer and you're gonna ask how a doctor leaves a scalpel in people doing like multiple surgeries a day. Come on! John, have you ever fucked up, like have you ever left your Pilates pants untied when you're doing a class?

Prop, have you ever forgotten? No, never. They don't tie. You never didn't put away all the Pilates mats in the room or the dumb bricks or whatever. I hope you don't have. You always check out of the system every time. Every time.

Just a scalpel. What is... Oh my God, it was causing him pain for four years and no one could figure out what it was. And then he went in for an MRI, four years later. And then he put it in my eye for a second right now. Four years for an MRI. It was a VA, dude.

Oh, no joke. Oh. Well, he went in for a separate situation and then they found that. And so obviously they had to go in there and get it out. But then according to his attorney, they filed an administrative claim with the VA last June and they still have not even received a formal response. Yeah, that sounds right. Size stating that it was received.

Oh, right. And so then they just filed a federal lawsuit and they're hoping for at least a million It's like a side stating that it was received. Oh. Right? Yeah. And so then they just filed a federal lawsuit and they're hoping for at least a million dollars to settle. No. A million dollars is guy wants because he had a knife stuck in him for four years.

It is pelvis. I don't care where it was. He could have gotten it out earlier than for, like, it's like, well, okay, but you were just sitting at home. Like yeah, but the VA, like, yeah, dude, but you're just still kind of sitting at home. Like, what do you want?

Right? Well, I want to know, no, I want to know how much he complained about it and what he, you know, did he keep going back to his... You were in constant pain. But did he go back to, I mean, complained about it, a complain to the right people. Go back, like, hey, like, I had surgery,

this should I be recovered by now? Like, this is still fucked up. Like, this is like, if you're doing that, oh yeah, give them to the right people. Go back like, hey, like I had surgery, this should I be recovered by now? Like this is still fucked up. Like this is like, if you're doing that, oh yeah, give them all the fucking money, give them all the money he sues for. He did. But they couldn't find out what it was, but they didn't do it in MRI.

Well, what the, that's, that's fucking ridiculous. Or he was complaining as kids were like, hey, dad, why don't you go back to the doctor's, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah the doctor's ah More likely more yeah, I want to know the specifics of it more specifics. Well, I mean I don't expect you to have them Fun fact out of 28 million operations performed each year. It's estimated that 4,500 to 6,000 for an object. So left behind.

What's the percentage of that? I mean, come on. Read me the numbers again. 6,000 out of how many? 28 million. So 28 million. That's very low. Low, but still it happens. That happens to you. That could that'd be miserable. Even a sponge causing bacteria build up. Oh, is that what happened? That's all wrong. That's the surgical sponges in there.

Sometimes it's happened. And then you gotta go have another surgery. Yeah. Mm. Oh. Oh. You know. You know.

It wouldn't be the worst thing that's ever happened. That's pretty low. It's low. Sure, but it happens. That's a very low amount of fuck us. A scalpel is a different story. That's just totally wrong. Yeah. That's what they judge it by.

Is your job. Is how often you fuck up. Like, Keon the lawyer probably never fucks up at work. Rarely, a lawyer rarely fucks up. Doctor, much less rarely, but like regular guys, you know, me, any fuck up, yeah, constantly. Sure. All days is constant, any fuck up, fuck up, yeah. Constantly. Sure.

All, all days, it's constant, constant fuck ups. That's, IQ has nothing to do with it. It's how often they just give you a task when you're 18, a random task, and depending on how many things you fucked up on that task, that's where you, that's Gattica. Wow, you did most of the things correctly on this list. Congratulations. You're gonna be a doctor. I don't want to be a doctor. Yeah. Well, we kind of need you to be a doctor because everybody else is fucking a lot of time. Yeah.

What else you got? This is a good one. This made my week. Is it about cats? No, okay, what is it about cats? No. It's about Trump. What is it? Is it about the shutdown? Trump's lawyer allegedly paid a form of porn star stormy Daniels $130,000 to keep quiet before the election. About what? They're a fair. Who?

Trump and stormy Daniels? Oh, yeah. What does he look like? Back in the, back, this is back in the 80s, right? No. When she was a year after he married Melania. Which was, oh, that wasn't the eight, he married her in the 90s?

He married Melania in 2006. Oh, that recently. Yes, recent. She's cute. Wow. She is cute. 38. Yep.

She's 38 now. Look at her. She's 38. Yeah. I hope it's true. It is well Well, you just take me to we're believing all women even she oh the story goes on This is why it's so great. She's a porn star. We're just Believing a porn star. No, thank you

porn star can tell them tell me that it's raining and if I was getting wet I would think someone was pissing on me. I go, yeah. Yeah. You can figure out a movie set. Yeah. Oh, is it raining? Oh, I know that I'm getting wet, but I don't believe you.

Oh, my God. So according to a report in the Wall Street Journal, Stephanie Stormy Daniels Clifford was paid $130,000 by Trump's lawyer to not publicly talk about their sexual relationship before the 2016 election. How much? Immediately $130,000. I'm really... I ain't had a specific amount.

Who knows? Yeah, it is a kind of an auto-mount, isn't it? Don't you guys, aren't you supposed to ask these types of questions? Why 130? Well, they're denying it. Well, yeah, because it's not true. Oh my gosh, but listen, listen, listen, listen, immediately after the Wall Street Journal report came out, in touch, republished a 2011 interview with Stormy that detailed their ongoing year-long

affair that started in 2006, right after he married Melania. So, in touch, interview. So another fake news corroborated. Oh, you're in the running for a fake news awards for 2018. So, so if they can can they can they can they prove that that money was transferred to her there's photos of no so that's the thing. There's no money online that they got they've got this money dead to rights. Yeah so if if there's not then you don't know well she talked about their fair this is such

four years and five years ago. The dumbest. Six years. Why would the point of this is great? Just give the money back and then take more money to give an exclusive to like see anybody would have paid millions of dollars. No, really. No. You personally would have paid, a stereos would have paid a million dollars to get some embarrassing

thing on Trump. And she was holding out for $130,000 gag order. Give me a fucking break. So this happened in 2007 then. Yes, right? Yes, they met at a golf tournament. There goes the salacious details. Oh, they met at a golf tournament, John.

You are missing the bad. $130,000. Morons will believe that amount of money. A million is too much. That won't have any traction. Not relatable. Not relatable. So in the interview, she discussed the relationship

and describing how and where they met, how he tried to get her on his reality TV show. What do you mean a reality TV show is a very successful business educational show? Yeah. Whatever. I'm not even going to say the name of it. reality TV shows a very successful business educational show. Whatever I'm not even going to say the name of it. What are you in Trump so much? Because I can't. You have no stocks.

That's why. No, I definitely do. But what are your, what's your portfolio look like? Let me see. Open up your Schwab account right now. Show me your fucking index funds that your cell upset about Trump. And they're all through the fucking moon. That's not why I hate him.

What else is there? What else in the entire world is there? Every time you fucking talks. Yeah. I can't stand it. All your portfolio shoots up. That's what happens. I should invest in McDonald's.

They're saying that their stocks are rising like skyrocketing because of him. He's a McDonald's fan. Okay. Okay. So okay. So she went on to say that he actually compared her to his daughter Calling her beautiful and smart just like his daughter. That's Disgusting. What? No, you know, one's ever compared you to like their daughter while they're sweet talking I should have forgotten my dad doesn't tell his girlfriend that no, no, no, no, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh, it's not awful. It's not necessarily. Don't you start doing it. Not again. That's how a trickle turns into a great river is when you start in with the daddy daughter stuff.

And bed. Oh yeah. Nelligy at all. Oh yeah. Thank you. That's when you, it's not, it's not a literal comparison. It's just a suggestion. It's just a suggestion of dominance's just a suggestion of dominance.

What makes it exactly that? Dominance and ownership and patriarchal patriarchy. Okay. That's what it is. But why does it have to be like a dad-daughter relationship? Because of the ideas, there's only a small amount of ideas that exist in the human brain. Friends, enemies, collective, mom, dad, son, daughter, children, pets, all these types of things, and you need to use this palette when you're boning to paint the picture of a radicism that you want, and you've got to jump, you've got to use them all.

You have to use them all if you're good, if you're good at what you gotta jump, you gotta use them all. You have to use them all if you're good, if you're good at what you're doing, you've got to touch them all. These are the things that exist in the mind. These are the visceral things that exist in the mind. I'm dead fucking serious about this. You gotta touch them all. You gotta touch them all.

You have to do weird mommy shit sometimes. Maybe you don't like it, but you gotta do it. Mommy shit? Yeah, you gotta. If you have an example, please, I would love to hear this role play. You've done this. I've done pretty much everything.

Yeah, anything you can think of. I don't understand the data. Sometimes when you suck it, sometimes when you suck it on that boob and you're getting a little, you're getting a little out of control and a little desperate. You're starting to tap into, so you know, sometimes you're just licking the breast, right? You know, you're just licking it, titillating it, tweaking it like a knob, right? Like an engineer on the knob, giving it a pinch and a crank, and you've gone too far, you're like,

ah, I gotta back off, I gotta go to the other one and let that one simmer on the back burner a little bit. So you go to the other one, but then sometimes, that's man, woman, love making, boring, that's for plebs. Sometimes you really get into it, sometimes you overdo it, and you're really sucking that motherfucker, right? That is when you're getting into the other weird, then you're getting into the weird mom baby,

archetype, whatever's in the mind. It's in there somewhere, and that's when you're hammering that. So, it's very simple. We all do it. You're looking at me like that's crazy, but now you're remembering, guys, who were doing that, and you're like, oh, that was getting off in a different way then right

I was I would never hate sometimes you're sometimes you're making beautiful Love but then sometimes you're really just hate fucking abroad pounding your no kissing because your enemies that Your enemies in a sexual battlefield about Trump Sometimes sometimes you got sometimes you got a grab the back of their neck lead him around You know Shove their right like a little child even like a pet That's a different kind of relationship

Different ways to get off got a touch of all you have to touch even like a pet. That's a different kind of relationship. Different ways to get off. Gotta touch a wall. So I have to touch, I don't know, I'm not the only one who knows this. Am I the only one who is aware of this? I think that's where the decades of psychological study on things like this.

So that's what I've got. Yeah. The decades. I believe it. You're very beautiful. Like my daughter is very beautiful. Oh. Yeah. Oh. I mean, yeah.

Oh yeah, he's not, he doesn't have a picture of his daughter. Mine is just saying like it is, I say that all the time. I go to bars, bartender. You're very beautiful. Like my sister. You remind me of my daughter. No, I just say it.

I lie all the time, I don't care. Of my daughter. I'm thinking about a Vulcan Trump too. All right. You know, now you know what I'm talking about though. Yeah, you're not, yeah, you're not in. You know a little bit more than I'm right, and I'm right, and I'm right.

And he probably did fuck her. Yeah, they fuck. Good. They did fuck. They went down, for sure. I don't believe that $130,000 shit. All right, what else? She released a statement through his lawyer that said,

rumors that I have received hush money from Donald Trump are completely false. If indeed I did have a relationship with Donald Trump, trust me, you wouldn't be hearing about it in the news, you would be reading about it in my book. No shit, no! So she's saying it's not true. So who's saying it's true?

You? Wall Street? I mean, sorry, Washington Post. Take news. Wall Street Journal. Take news. Oh, fudge. In touch.

Released at all the record interview. With whom? Her from 2011. What? Talking about hush money? Oh, okay. I can't. So she's denying the hush money. She's already released that interview's been released,

so it's out there. Yeah. So that was the irony behind it all, that he still fucking paid her off, even though she already talked. That's because none of this is true. If you'd pull the thread a little bit, what's the next story?

Oh, how's the horse? How's the horse? How's the horse? How's the horse? Pretty much. Actually, no, no, that's the guy's death. I was wrong, that was wrong, that was wrong, that was wrong, that was wrong. California couple horse.

You're gonna get kicked out of the Me Too campaign. Kick right out of there. Did you go to any women's marches? No, I was working. Oh, you would have gone. Not necessarily to the woman's march. I would go to the slow walk. Amber was a slow walk.

It's in October though. Okay, so you were working for stories already falling apart. You were gonna go, would you have gone to the woman's march? No. No. No. Why? Because it's crazy. The crowds. A little crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. You don't need any better excuse than that. Yeah. All right, what's the house of horrors? Okay. Crowds. Oh, this is so fun. I'll go to a woman's march if no one shows up. Yeah. Yeah. All right, what's the House of Hours? Okay. Crouds. Oh, this is so fun.

I'll go to a woman's march if no one shows up. Yeah. I respect what they did, but I just wouldn't go. House of Hours, parents, David and Louise Turnpin wanted a 14th child so they could get famous and land their own TV show. Good reason. So last Sunday, the couple's 17-year-old daughter escaped from a window and the family's home in Paris, California, which is about 60 miles south of Los Angeles, to call 911,

because the turnpins have been holding their kids hostage for the last 20-something years. Is that crazy? Yeah. Did they get that show? 29 to like 3 to 4. No, but they got famous for a whole different reason. Age of 29. 29-year- to four. No, but they got famous for a whole day. They just 29. 29 year old woman, she weighed 82 pounds.

Now you gotta look at this father as what the can is. So weird. So crazy. The can. Not existed. Of the 82. They're genetic though.

You could have big cans and be skinny. There's absolutely no way. You can, but not like that. Not like that. No. I don't know. No. No. So in dep don't know. No, no.

So, in deputies arrived to the house, they found children starved, chained to beds, the house smelled like human wass, and the youngest children didn't even know who the police were or what they were. They were just completely. Maybe they just were taught correctly

not to talk to the police. But then there were weird photos of them going to Las Vegas and like they would renew their vows at this wedding chapel with like 13 kids and all the girls are dressed the same and all the boys are dressed the same and they're all these like skinny like older daughter holding like a baby. It's really, it's really weird. The girl that got caught or that called 911, she was a mistake for a 10 year old girl.

Yeah, they didn't think there were any adults in the house besides the parents, but like three of them were over 20 years old, I think. Mm-hmm. Yeah, really bizarre. I think that's like an engineer for like an aerospace company or something. Yeah, you gotta keep your eye on those engineers. They don't ever stop for real. They're always engineering. If they're not, you gotta get them on some of them need Sims

and they're live, or they're gonna turn their got to get them on, some of them need Sims and they're live, or they're going to turn their family into Sims. That's the problem. They pleaded not guilty to multiple counts. I think it was like up to 70 counts of child abuse, torture, dependent adult abuse, and false imprisonment, dating back to people. Sounds like so much work. Keeping all those people chained up.

So much work. How do you plead not guilty to that when the cops walk in and you those people chained up so much work. How do you plead not guilty to that when the cops walk in and you have people chained to their beds? What the? Just how do you like I can't even keep a plant alive watering it? Yeah, they got people they can barely get away for the weekend. They do they never want to get away from anything. They never left their home. Their distant family members said that they never hurt, sorry, Louise's dad passed away a couple of years ago. She refused to go to his funeral. Well, then I have nothing in common with these people.

No, I can't understand that at all. I go to funeral. She was, it's God, David. Actually, David kidnapped Louise when she was 16 and they ran away together, got caught in Texas. And then when they got brought back to Pennsylvania, they got they loapt and then took off on the merry little way. Have there weird little life together. I wish they would have got the show. Why don't they just put some webcams up?

Because old media is dead. They got to go new media. They got a twitch. So they really, they're going to realize that in prison, they had a whole factory of twitch streamers right under their nose and they chose to piss it away for a big money Hollywood deal. When all they had to do was set up some web cams, get those kids an Xbox, Patreon, Switch, fire up. You don't even need Patreon on Twitch. Oh no, I guess not, huh?

No, get some stuff the animals for the girls to play with on camera. Guys love that. They do it. I'm not, not me, I guess not, huh? No, get some stuffed animals for the girls to play with on camera. Guys love that. They do it. It's not me, I'm not donating to that, but women are making a fortune. These fucking idiots, they should have talked to me. If you're out there and if you have, if you have your family chained up,

yeah, because you're trying to get a big sitcom or a reality show, give me, send me an email. I'll straighten out. I'll show you a set up, get a Twitch partner account. Yeah, you should really specialize in maximum return on investment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That type of the prey of the Twitch. You don't want to be beholden to Hollywood.

No. For your family, you're chained up family sitcom. No, they're going to abuse your worst anyway. So. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're going to want pretty. Keep being a boss in house. Man. And you know, keep more of the money. All right, we got one more, oh yeah. Yeah. They're gonna want pretty. Keep you in house. Yeah. And you know, keep more of the money. All right. We got one more, one more.

That's it. That's it. Okay. That was less. That's a good one. Thank you. Thank you very much. Jesus Christ. What a weird show. All right. Let me read. I'm gonna read this gift. I got. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to read this gift. I got. Yeah. Yeah.

Somebody sent me this customized Christmas ornament of the 20 million dollar man. That's cool. I was looking at that. Yeah. Pretty cool. I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping, a K.A. The only time I ever do Christmas shopping when I came across this ornament. It was right then that I knew what I had to do. I picked up probably the nicest gift I bought anyone all year. I'm not a Picasso, but I even put a lot of effort

into painting it, so it could be as close to the real thing as I could make it. Anyway, I hope it could bring you a little bit of joy since you always bring me so much week after week. Forever Dick had David Slaemaker, very nice, Cuxmas Ornament. That's cool. So he of the $20 million man that he's scribbled

long hair down his neck and his back. Well, from here it looks cool. I can tell it was custom, so. It's good from, it is like a Picasso. Well, because you use the term scribbled, which is derogatory in my book. You know, when you're talking about somebody putting the effort into making something nice for you.

Yeah, very true. God, I've got a lot of thoughts. I think it's nice. It is nice. Dick doesn't care. Reddit, Irrach says having to, having to pee after you nut

makes him a rage. Is that the same for women as it is for men? Is that a pain in the ass? Well, should every time after. I mean, should do a lot of things. It hurts, it sucks though. It hurts a little bit. No. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it does for us. I'm saying it sucks though. It hurts a little bit.

No. Yeah, it's, it's, it does for us. I'm saying it doesn't hurt for you guys. No. No. Yeah, it's a no way. It's part of the thing. Depending on the timeline, all sorts of things happen. Yeah, you can get a bunch of shards in your dick that you got to blast through or you just got to sit there waiting, looking like a chump while your dick decides to piss. Right. Yeah. And then, we don't like waiting. Perhaps you've made a guy wait and gotten screamed at for it. So you're familiar with that.

Mm-hmm. All right, let's see. This dude says, show this, now I'll do that next time. A guy, the demilitarized zone on Reddit has spliced together. This is really incredible. He's done. He spliced together all the uncut audio from the biggest problem episodes 100 and 101.

You remember when Maddox and I had that big fight about no one who anyone respects like your father or Donald Trump? Yes. I posted the unedited versions of that. And this guy demilitaritarized Zone, went through and minute by minute or second by second compared what was released to what I gave him, to what was originally recorded.

Well, let's go a step further though. Okay. Because remember, I would edit those episodes too. Yeah. But not for content because that wasn't really my place. So I would edit those episodes too, but not for content because that wasn't really my place. So I would do things like pacing or take out some stutter. So most likely, most likely, there's not anything additional in the completely rovers in

that I have compared to the one that was uploaded. And then compared to the one that I see what you say, he went and chopped up. Yeah. Right. So there's nothing missing probably not in a very raw and the very rovers. and then compared to the one that. No, I see what you saying. He went and chopped up. Yeah, he, right. So there's nothing missing. Probably not. Probably not. And the very raw version, the one you have is just like I told them, it's mostly mastered and like stutters taken out.

Yeah. He's given a point by point breakdown of everything that was chopped and cut from those episodes. It's, it's pretty interesting. I know sometimes he would edit pretty heavily, wouldn't he? Yeah, there was a 10 minute discussion about black on black gun violence that Maddox cut. Oh. There was what he calls the cringiest moment of the show when Maddox is defending the second

time he's to saying that I was shitting on Trump with the no one, anyone's respects like your father, Donald Trump, which was obviously a joke, because Trump is a jackass. He was the only one who was confused by that sentence. Yeah. And there was one other, there was one other interesting one. It's called, let me see, let me find it. No one gets a voice fails. Not to get off. Did you post a, I didn't post the rapist one. Everyone should, I was going to post it next week, I think. So this is the funniest one, the ending of episode 100.

When Sean handed it over, it gradually faded out, right? Like you had episode 100 of the biggest problem in the universe. You gradually faded it out as we bickered. Um, that was the original. That was, yeah, that was an odd thing to do, but I could have done it. It does. It does. Um, as you bickered, was it, uh, because I would not put in the theme song at the end

because he always wanted to play the outro music. That seems weird. I remember you doing that though. I remember you saying maybe because of... Maybe because of... Maybe because of the way that it was going and it was kind of a, maybe a funny idea to have it fade out like there was a bunch of ranting. aranting and so apparently Maddox edited out my last two words and ended it with him laughing instead of me having the last words.

He clipped that out and clipped it so it was him laughing and that was the end. These are the, these are the important edits he made. Anyway, there's a big reddit post on it. All right, everybody. It's been the Dick show. Lacey, thank you for stopping by. Make sure you pick up some dickles. Oh, figured out first.

I'll show you how to do it. Thank you. I'll fix your whole thing. It's a mess. You have obviously not had a man touching your devices for many a year. You need a man's touch on that equipment. It's very inefficient. It needs to be cleaned out. I'll see you in Portland. Road rage Portland tickets are on. See you in Portland. What's funny about the

satellite February 24? Jamie knows. Go to thedictshow.com patreon.com slash the dick show. See you next Tuesday. Oh, this song is by save state. Do you want to hear it? Elliott Smith song or do you want to hear just let's hear Justin's song? Yeah, okay. Do you remember how Justin said how easy it was to make a classic rock song? Oh, blues song. Yeah, he did Norman Greenbaum spirit in this guy. Yeah, save state corrupted actually made that song. Okay, so here it is just yeah, it's called spirits my safe state corrupted of course it is

Yeah, it's good song Yeah, it's good song Right Right That's right. Where are they from? I got the spirit Moving through my phone Yeah! Oh, it's a lot of fun. Oh, it's a lot of fun. Oh, it's a lot of fun. I'm gonna play it. Because love is speed routes. We'll take to that lovely place.

You feel the speed routes coming into town. Don't worry, all these spirits gonna make the good times come around. Yeah! All right. Instant classic. Instant classic. Instant classic. Instant classic. Instant classic. The spirits are coming to town.

The spirits are coming to town. Hahaha. The spirit of God. Okay, let me get some voicemails. Jake, it's been at my room records. Okay. I am going to let you in on a something. I was on Craigslist browsing the other day looking for a bike

and I found a gold bike with an attached bike lock that was green underneath. It was spray-painted gold. The guy who sold it to me said he used to live in l.a. so i have no idea but if this is your bike from burning man i'd be pretty bad ass anyway talk to you later uh if that's my bike that got stolen at burning man i want to i want to know who that guy was and I will drive, I will fly to his house and kick his ass. Okay. That caused me so much stress and anger and rage.

My bike getting stolen at Burning Man. You brought a bike to Burning Man? Yes. I always bring a bike to Burning Man and they get stolen every fucking year. And that one, I actually put all weight- This is the community bike. Exactly. No, no, no, no, no, no, that's put all weight. The community bike. Exactly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's how I got the name

community bike because my bike got stolen. So I had to start getting community bikes. Really? My bike got stolen and then I stole someone's bike. I don't have to check the record on this. Because I thought it was a community bike, but it wasn't. It was just a green bike.

So I took it home, spray painted it gold, brought it back the next year and it was immediately stolen. Mm. And I put a lot of work into that bike and wrapped it up spray painted it gold, brought it back the next year and it was immediately stolen. And I put a lot of work into that bike and wrapped it up with a lot of lights and it had a beautiful cup holder. It had a perfect fucking cup holder that every beer, like every beer fit into and it would pinch the sides just enough so that it would never come out. Never. It would bend the aluminum just enough. If that mother, I need a picture of that bicycle.

I will know immediately if that bike is mine. Immediately. How to do off ramps. Keep the beer. I want to use shut the hell up. Sean. Isn't stealing against the whole point of Burning Man? There's no point to it. It's just a bunch of burnouts and spoiled cock suckers meeting in the desert and getting high and bombing

and people talking about themselves. There's no there's no fucking point. It's just like it's like eat, pray, love for men. Like with just enough engineering so we don't make ourselves sick. You know? Like there's enough hard, it's like a hard version of that, but it's still just wasteful. Yes, it would be against the point if there was a point. There's no.

Yeah. Thanks. That's just a trick to get hot girls out there which there are a shitload of you don't really make me a fucking rage is the entire state of Connecticut I live there for 30 years and it was impossible to save money or do anything with my fucking life I had a few of my wife and the minimum wage here so fucking fucking low that we're full of stirring coffee at Barista's and we're renting pretty much a fucking mansion. I changed my address and my insurance and my premium got cut in half for the year and I'm just thinking to myself, why don't anybody want fucking living Connecticut?

It's a fucking highway from New York to Massachusetts filled with a bunch of fucking guns. They are so fucking stupid and I hate to wear a botoxic. And it is so much better to live anywhere else in the fucking country. I guess that's what makes me a rage tonight. Fuck Connecticut. A Connecticut. Never been there. Connecticut is neither. Can't imagine I want to go. I can't imagine a picture to go to Connecticut. Hmm. They're been there. Connecticut, me either. Can't imagine I wanna go.

I can't imagine a pitch to go to Connecticut. Like that's the next state I have to visit. Yeah, like I imagine that's a, hey, let's go to Connecticut. It's just, let's do a show in Connecticut. Like would you do a show? You know, I don't know. It just doesn't, I don't know anything about it.

Me either. I just, I kinda know. Yeah. Like I know a about it. Me either. I just, I kinda know. Yeah. Like, I know a lot of Connecticut adjacent things. Mm-hmm. And I don't like any, I don't like them. Mm-hmm. Like the cottages and stuff like that.

Yeah. Like Martha Vinyard's type shit. I don't like any of it. Yo, what's up, digs, Johnny, for Miami here. Hey, what's up, Jimmy? It's a popular age today. Ignorant people. I'm telling you, I'm going into the line with the supermarket

and then they have this thing where it's like, would you like to donate one or two dollars for the special Olympics? And I say, no, no, I wouldn't. And then the lady behind the counter tells me, oh, you should just say, you should just say you just say you don't have it. I'm like, what?

She's like, oh, it's better to say you don't have it. I'm like, no, I say that I do not want to donate my hard earned money to the Special Olympics. Besides, do you know who's sponsoring the Special Olympics? Do you know? You look at the little fine, a little fucking coupons that they give you for, oh thank you, I donated for whatever, and might as well be a pin they wear, I'm sure that they, I donated to the special Olympics. Are you going to see it?

Probably not. You're probably not going to spend five fucking hours of your life watching special Olympics. It might be inspirational, it might be entertaining, it might be nice to watch, but you're probably not going to fucking watch it. Why are you going to be a fucking hypocrite? Whatever. So the stuff that is looking at me like, I'm supposed to donate or that she defended that I said

I didn't want to donate. And then I tell her well look. When you think about the offer profit, organizations around the globe or around the United States. That you want to donate to them because you have a nice little title and they want to they say that they're going to do this and that. And then when it comes down to it, you look up these organizations. You know, I hope he said all this at the checkout line. That's what they get to think that's what they deserve yes dick of donate as much as eight percent of the alone

percent of the foot no single digit numbers and i'm telling this woman calm right told her no i don't want to donate so yes it's uh... it's because i don't know where i'm running home to

it's yeah that's a little bit reason for the legitimate you've got a really research and donate at all and keep all the proceeds and they say it's for research or the state's for this and that but that the other day is just making the pockets that i'm not gonna do that and that she's just like oh okay she's just passing by she just wants me to leave the line that's like you don't bitch you're coming at me

telling me that You're coming at me, coming in a... Wait, shoot your second. All right, no, no, you're done. Basically, basically. Oh, you know what we gotta have? We gotta have like cards where any kind of minor inconvenience you get stuck with, you can just flip to the card and you have like a five minute rant that you can go on and read at the checkout stand and really ruin everyone's time.

Yeah, yeah. That's the only thing, that's the only weapon we have anymore. So they're afraid to ask you to donate again. Yeah, I just want a society where we're all just completely afraid to talk to each other ever. Strangers, ever. Yes. Yeah, it would be great. Strangers, ever. Yes, yeah. It would be great.

It would be great. What are you doing, Lacey? You can picture a gene. You can see it's something. Oh, you're right. I was on a customer service call for 45 minutes this week, trying to get an answer of why one of my accounts was locked or suspended or something like that.

Is it a payment processing account. My whole point was, yeah, look, I get that that's your policy, but I know that the clock determines your success and that you get penalized if you stay with a customer with a customer for too long. So I can just sit here talking forever until you upgrade me to the right department. So fuck you. Do you want to do this? I'm on a filibuster, you shit out. Yeah.

That's what we're going to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. filibuster with total silence. I'll just stay on. Oh, I got Facebook news. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

Hello, Dick and hello to the kids. This is the Facebook Room news for the last couple days. Stephen Lang may have ignited a new rivalry between the dickheads on Facebook and the dickheads on Discord. When it came to him being anti-Semites who kicked him solely because he's Jewish. However, the Discord's credit whenever Lang was pressed for more information, he calls various people, faggots, and soyboys. This post then broke down into a slew of insults about his hair and charismatic autistic personality. Uh-huh. Boy.

For those of you who are wondering, Stove is set to make his return to the Facebook group on January 27th, which is the day he is un-Zoct from Facebook. I had the opportunity to speak with him during- This is that means that you're temporarily suspended from Facebook. Yeah. The Nick Rikita livestream were stoved told me he's still on the job on but he can now wait to make it back to the Facebook group.

Lastly is Christopher who needs some advice for his quote brother. Chris's brother sent a drunk dick pick to a woman a while back and now a random sock account on Facebook is trying to blackmail him for a $100 iTunes gift card. iTunes gift card. The top comment, therefore the best advice, was for Matthew who suggested sending 100 more dick pics, one for every dollar, she's not going to get out of you. This is bad, the picture, Facebook reviews, the last couple of days. It's such a funny request. A hundred dollars. iTunes gift card.

Undressable. Yeah. I tune skip card Undraisable It gets into the I tune system Oh man poor guys getting blackmailed for dick pics. Yeah. Oh Fuck it. What who cares? If who cares if everyone sees your dick Well, that's we've talked about we're talking about this on the old show. Oh, yeah We said everybody's gonna have naked photos. Yeah. Well, that was Maddox's plan. I just thought a Dick Fan asked me if I like naughty pictures.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Send him, get him to send you some dick pics and we'll put them on blast. Let's put them on blast. Yeah, he likes it. He likes it. Obviously he likes it. Let's see.

I guess everyone more? Yes, sure. So one thing that really makes me a rage is slow-typers. I worked at a high volume call center that was really busy on emails for five years. And if you read that out live as well, where it says like, if 10,000 hours of time put into something it could be put almost time into something it makes you good at something and if you work 40 hours a week five days a week for five years that means you should be good at like typing and stuff. Apparently that's a flaw in that. I joined the company and there are people that

have been working for 10 years with the company, 15 years with the company and I was a fly. I joined the company and there are people that have been worked in for 10 years with the company, 15 years with the company, and I was there with them for another five years, for there there 15, 20 years. You go to their desk and you're like, hey, can you pull up that thing I asked you about? And they're like, yeah, one second. And they lean over their keyboard, and they poke each key with their index finger. You have to actively try to not get good at something. If you spend 20 years doing it and you fucking suck at it, what does that say about the workforce? It's fucking invariating. Yeah, slow typing. It's fucking invariating. Yeah.

Slow typing. Slow typing and not being able to understand what a URL is that is the most frustrating fucking thing. Some of the URL, what? Okay. I'm calling the police. You have no business doing what you're doing. You have no business with your computer. I'm sending the police over to take it away from you. Yeah, I am swat what you're doing. You have no business with your computer.

I'm sending the police over to take it away from you. Yeah, I am swatting you right now. Yeah, I want you to go outside and start knocking on doors until someone can explain to you what is a URL. Yeah. Because I'm not doing it, I'm done. Oh, boy.

One more, one more. One more, one more, one more. Hey, what's up, Dick? I got a big rage this week. I don't know if everyone is going to relate to this. Although I think they probably will. My rage this week is the slow phasing out of the money shot from porn videos. I don't know if you've noticed on old porn hub, but it used to be, you could watch any

video and get that satisfying money shot at the end. And there's slowly, slowly starting to edit them. There used to be videos that I could dependably go to to get my fix. And they've begun to go back and edit them out so that you have to, I guess, subscribe to the website or whatever to get what you do. We all skip most of the video. We just need the money shot. That's what that's the whole, and it's like taking, it's like taking the chocolate out

of the chocolate milk And no, it's like you can never finish the end of a song. I'm hoping I'm happy only one It's like every song that you listen to on the radio. What do you do? Yeah, those raising eyebrows? You think about money shots. Sorry. No. No. It's like every song you listen to in a car doesn't finish. Yeah.

It stops midway through the last chorus. That's a that's a porno without a money shot. And they are doing it. Yeah. Because then it's all previews now. Like it used to be you'd have your own, your little collection, stop fucking doing that. You'd have your little collection and you could fast forward

and you could at least get a nice three minute stretch, right? Before the climax. But then it went online and none of us are paying the climax. But then it went online, and none of us are paying the subscriptions. So we're all just watching those fucking clip reels. This is what you get if you subscribe to Bangbus, and it's like a three minute of clips that accelerates you through the pornography. And by the time the money shuckers,

you're like, oh, I'm not ready for this. You've gone too fast. And it's terrible. Yeah, people don't pay for those premium sites, dude. I don't know who does. Is it because like the other stuff is used to at least be good enough, used to be good. Like in the old days, one man in America bought all the porn

and then we'd all just steal it from him. Yeah. Like your dad's, your dad or your dad's friend would have it and he would get it loaned from someone else and then eventually it would trickle down to you. It was a regular, regained, invented it. You steal it from your dad or you steal it from your friend's dad and then they would steal it from somebody else, but it all came from one location. And now it's just one guy who subscribe to all these sites

and they're all selling him ads with these chopped up pornography films with no money shots. What are you shaking your head, you know? I just, I didn't know that you had to pay for porn. Yeah. I thought it was free. Well, it's free, but it's all crummy and sliced up and full.

There's a better porn. I imagine I would like porn that doesn't have an ad of the Simpson's boning next to it. I've never gotten an ad in my porn. Where do you go? Where do you look at your porn? Placing. Where do you go?

Just places. Just places. What kind of places? Online. Like, Pornhub? Does that sound familiar? Yeah. Pornhub's got weird ads on it.

I've never seen any ads on Pornhub. What are you looking for? Maybe they're not selling ads for that kind of stuff. It's so bizarre. There is no way I'm going to tell you what I search for and Porn. What if I guess it? You can try and guess. Um... This is a dangerous dangerous game.

I know. I know. Okay. Like two two two two guy two guys one girl. Never. Like cosplay. Never. Um, like cosplay, teenage mutant in tutorials, dressing up, no, coming on a pizza, that kind of a thing. No, no, you're so far off, it's not even funny. Ah, like girls spraying milk out their hands. No, nothing, nothing of that sort. Not a thing you look at, whatever. Mm, all right. Okay, you got me stumped on that sort of thing. Not a thing you look at. Whatever. All right.

Okay, you got me stumped on that one. Okay. Solo girls? No. Solo guys? No. Solo guys? Japanese girls?

No. Eating, making themselves throw up? What do you mean? No. Yeah, what do you mean? Was that a no on solo guys? No. It was a Japanese girl. Oh yeah, what is it? Who's that a no on solo guys? No. Japanese girls.

Oh, yeah. What the hell is up with that? I'm not into Asian porn. Oh, why? It's too sexy. No. It's too extreme. No.

Okay. I can't guess. I'm out of guesses. No. It's okay. I'll take it. Big, big boob pornography. So you're into me there.

All right, everybody see you next week. See you next Tuesday.