The Dick Show - Episode 87 - Dick on The Ultimate Douchebag Machine

Episode Date: January 30, 2018

The Ultimate Douchebag Machine, Acting!, Small Time Tyrants, Dexter meets The Gimp, Coach is pregnant, a mob of angry Q's from Google target Nick Rekieta, The 2018 "Be More F-able" Challenge, Smeagol in bed, what Lettuce Jones missed the most in jail, the buying power of Dickels, Negasterios calls in, Stephen Universe is Degenerate: Part 2, Layc's Singled Out, and advice for the guy who couldn't get off; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Look at the, look at the fucking, can't, that's great. That's the best coloring we've ever had. On the show. Look at how much, look at how full of life everyone looks. That's look pretty good. It does look good, because I did it. I took extra time to make sure everyone looked good, not mediocre.

Usually I just do a mediocre job. Good enough. Yeah, usually if the equipment's running, it's like six flags compared to Disneyland. Yeah, not enough. It's like not very farm. Okay, so what do you guys have here? Is it a theme park?

Kind of a high-knob. Is it a jam factory that you have? Is it a jelly store? That's true. Yeah, what about Snoopy? What the fuck wants to see Snoopy and Linus? They were the only ones available. They're the only ones who answered. All right, let's do the show. Does Linus blanket have barf on it? Yeah, of course it does. Yeah. He's a child. Yeah. It's got a gross shit all over it. Yeah. He's got Linus' blanket, it has a crusty milk from his mom.

Is that thing? You know what I mean? Yeah, like mom's milk, you know, a baby? And it comes out like, that's what Linus has on his blanket. Yeah! Ready? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Ha! Welcome to Dick, you want Dick, you need Dick, you love Dick, you got it, it's the show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure. I am your host, Dick Masterson, the 20 million dollar man, the 20 million dollar man, Dick Masterson. with me is always a shun audio engineer.

Hello, Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? We've got a full studio today. Jamie Lynn Hughes is also with us on the program, made Jamie. Also, I've got a very dear friend of mine who I have not seen in a long time. I haven't seen in maybe 87 episodes.

Oh. But this is a person watching the show today who I owe a great dead of gratitude. Now, do I? Yes, to the tune of to the tune of a quarter million dollars very a very dear friend who reminded me before the show that I texted her on the way back from Mexico. You might remember the first episode of the show was they found Mexico when it was, I was telling a story of me coming back from Mexico with 80s girl, and when I got back into the United States,

I had a message from Maddox, an email from Maddox or something where Maddox had found out what had been going on Yeah, and he was very upset about it and the biggest problem the biggest problem was canceled That was it. That was the fun and That was yeah, yeah, yeah, and I texted this person who's in studio today Hey Just as a joke 80 you realize how much money you just cost me by telling this jackass, this Joker?

And I'm sure he forced it out of you. I know how he is because no one wants to talk about other people's business that much. But I take it back. I apologize for that for saying that for putting any guilt on you because clearly it's only been, it's only been wins. Unless I lose the lawsuit, then I'm coming back after you That's then it's all on you then I'm sending you an invoice for 20 million dollars. Yeah, all right and doxing you So thanks for coming to the thanks for everything. Thanks for making this all possible this house

This Sean over here pretty much everything these cameras that we've got these are all they're all dedicated to you And your helper. Yeah. Thank you Okay, I've got some really Well, I've I don't know I've got some stuff to go over here. Diggle Mania is sweeping the globe. Oh, it is people are buying artwork with their dickles Yeah, I want to see that artwork. I got it it's awesome. Max Panic is doing it. You know, Max and my panic. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. guys selling Mason jar bongs. Cool, very, very hip. It's a big chamber. It's a very, it's a good point, John. It's a very big chamber. And there's a magnet on it, so you can just put your lighter up to it and bam, the lighter sticks to the bomb. Has this ever happened to you where you get your,

you get your B-O-B-O-N, double G packed and you can't find a get your B O double, B O N double G pack, then you can't find a lighter. Somebody steals it. Bam, you just let that thing go. Lighter sticks to the magnet on the bomb. That's pretty, pretty cool. Yeah. It's pretty smart. All right. So, so get your dickles, register at dickles.lol, and I'll get them to you is I'll put them on the dickickel store and then you just read the instructions go there, sign in and read read instructions read every fucking letter of the instructions. If you realize this, if you skim those instructions, you are, it's like telling me to my face, could you hurry it up?

It's like getting right in my face and giving me a wrap it up sign. Don't I didn't write that for fun. I don't like writing to inconvenience you. Okay. So if you go to the Dickels site, Dickels.Lol, read it. Read every letter of it. Have you given more than one do over?

Yeah. Yeah. Couple guys lost their dick. I think that might have precipitated this. It looks sorry. It's you. It looks like. Have you given more than one do over? Yeah. Yeah. A couple guys lost their dick. I think that might have precipitated this. It goes sorry. It's you. It looks like they get so excited.

Yeah, you can't blame them. And just put in any Ethereum address. They're just like, I don't know what to put in. So they start putting in their favorite Adam Sandler movies. Okay. I'm like, why I sent your dickles to the water boy. Okay. You know, what do you want me to do here?

I can just stop touching the thing. You're fine. The bonus episode. The good job on the bonus episode about that. Thank you. Why didn't you learn me to it? Yeah, I didn't know. I just, I touch it because I like having something

to hold on to. I know. I feel like, the other way you used to grab the, and lean back and lean against the merchandise racks. Yeah. Yeah. It was, you know, I think we only filmed one of those. Well, you know, it was funny.

I remember people's posture in that show. When Randy filmed that episode. Yeah. I mean, he wasn't allowed to do that anymore because Maddox can't read. Yeah. Because he would just sit there holding up a piece of paper, reading very poorly. Probably at like a piece of paper reading reading very poorly,

probably at like a third grade level. Like I would, I would probably, I would, I don't know who I would bet on Dickles on. If I had to make that bet of who's going to read more better, Maddox or a third grader. It's a tough. I need to know more info. That's what I want to hear from the, the chopped chopped up are the unchopped episodes that people are asking to be released like there's got to be some good Maddocks tripping over his words And there it's Sean. I think you can speak to that. They're yes Yeah, no, they're replaced us where like hilarity and we had to take a moment and he says excuse me after everyone It's like forgiving excuse me. I'm anybody was excuse me. me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, welcome.

So in the bonus episode, it's just out, I think it's Dick on big fouls. I play the episode 17 audio where the rape apologist out of context audio comes from. The people who have heard the, when I said, yeah, you should expect the worst of the worst. Everybody knows the audio I'm talking about. People who have heard it already saying some interesting things. Number one, when you hear the audio with no edits, like as it was said in the studio,

not only do I, not only is there no mistaking what I'm talking about, but I immediately explain exactly what I mean. Twice, once for a dumb person, if anybody doesn't understand what I was talking about, and then once again, for an even dumber person. Yes. And all that all that Maddox said is in response is big foul. You can't say that and stairs it the ground like he's missing Whopner.

Yeah. Okay. That's the first thing is I immediate, there's no possibility that it was misconstrued because I immediately explain what I mean, which is how everybody understood it. Well, I think he stopped listening right then. Yeah. He heard that because Whopner was on. Whopner was on.

Whopner was on. Yeah. The second thing, the second thing that was interesting is that it was episode 17, and people didn't know that, that we continued doing the show for a year and a half with somebody who's like this horrible rape. I never thought about that. Yeah, I didn't think about it. I never thought about that.

Oh, yeah, you're right. So, that means that he had it in like a cachet of like a media files to use against me. I guess I don't know. I hope the cachet is a lot bigger because that one's not going to put me down. No. Let's see bonus episode. Also, Keon gave me some good advice about prostitutes. Yeah.

I hope that I don't think that was legal advice. I say that in a joking way. I don't understand what lawyers can and can't say. They've always got this. Well, he does. He does. He's not going to say anything. He's not comfortable with that. That's true. Yeah. I don't know why I'm worried about putting him out in the rain, right? Well, maybe because I say everyone knows I'm foolish. Dict lies. That's what I'm known for. Sure.

That's just very simple. Your honor. Yeah. Hashtag.dict lies. Yeah. In case it's missed. You could. Yeah. Why do you even hang out with this guy? Right. Speaking of hanging out, Keanu was hanging out afterwards and he ate, this man ate chips in my living room and got like sprayed chips all over the rug. It was like somebody had dropped cow trops

and they were trying to evade, like it was like a squid shooting inkout to escape predator. He's related to a stereos or something. Yeah. These people come over to my my friends come over to my house and just spray their crap everywhere. Everybody gets fucked up. Well your house is like your house is like fantasy island. I guess it is. Pleasure island or what the and the most pleasurable thing they can that a man that key on wants to do is just get to Stito's chips everywhere. Yeah, well, apparently. I don't know, I got to solve that mystery.

Well, there's, there's booze involved. Yeah, there was a little booze involved. He did bring some good booze over. Yeah. Let me see. He also, because I wanted to do the, the Valentine's Day contest for the world's lonely as dickhead. Right.

You know, that's why the topic of prostitution came up. Yes. I want to get a lonely dickhead, a very lonely dickhead, a hot, hot date for the evening, for Valentine's Day. If you know what I mean, you know what I'm talking about? A hot, hot date. A fantasy date. I'm talking about, because there's a lot of guys who've like they've never even

touched a woman listening. There's some got those send in emails like I've never I've never touched a woman who was in the pillow. I haven't had a kiss in five years. I can help one of you only if it's a contest that takes place on this show for other people's enjoyment, right? So I don't know how we're going gonna do it yet, but that's what I wanna do. So if you have a story like this, let me know. I feel like I already know who's gonna win. Why?

Because it was, we predicted it on IRC. Well, who is it? Reckwood. You think Reckwood's gonna win? Okay, Jamie, thanks for that. I feel like this is gonna be a, you know, another case on the Dix show

where the cure is worse than the disease. What do you mean? You know, he's gonna pay for it in one way or another. He's gonna want a barrier. You know, it's gonna be show fodder. Yeah. Because you have carte blanche to do or say what you want.

I'm just trying to get a guy to actually know what I mean. I'm like, Stinner, I don't want anybody to be alone on Valentine's Day. My heart's in the right place. I'm better than either of you who aren't buying anyone else's dates, period. That's true, because I have a heart. Yeah.

Oh, man, I've got some really terrible news as well. Oh, good segue. Um. Uh, it's like a casey case something about the dead puppy really terrible, terrible news as well. Oh, good segue. Um. Ha, ha, ha. Uh, it's like a casey case, something about the dead puppy right after a, uh, right after a fucking uptempo song. Ha, ha, Google it, people. Uh, coach, here's Shaggy Swear all day.

Coach is pregnant. I don't know if it's him or his wife, but coach is, I thought he was, yeah, he was gaining some serious weight. Yeah. No, I'm just, so that's the end. I can't, I can't know if it's him or his wife, but coach is. I thought he was gay and some serious weight. Yeah, no, I'm just kidding. So that's the end. I can't have a man in my life coach who has a baby on the way. Doesn't have any time for me.

No. If you, and this is, it really, this really does make me rage in a very deep, non-shouting way, but that's the fucking end of this guy. Wow. Pregnant. Yeah. Knocked his this guy. Wow. Pregnant. Yeah. Knocked his wife up.

Yeah. Pregnant. That's the end for a while, right? That's the end. He's six months until end of that man. Wow. And the start of a weird parallel dad universe version, like when Riker, like an evil version of yourself,

except it's a dad version of yourself, who is fucked in the, it's has a whole different set of priorities. I cannot wait to see how he is as a father. Oh, he's gonna be so hilarious. You know what he said to me? It's so weird. You know what he said to me?

I said, I so I says to him, we're out drinking, I'm having a wake. He's having a celebration. Yeah. He gives me this news. I'm like, yeah, well, your free time is over, dude. No. He's having a celebration. Yeah. He gives me this news. I'm like, yeah, well, your your your free time is over, dude. That's it. Enjoy. the video game, they do. And that's what the babies are like.

They crawl up to anything and try to smash their head in it, into it. That's everything is a header to them. That's the only move they know. Is that a new thing? Well, I better bash my head into it to see how it... I'm pretty bored. I'm gonna try smashing my head into something. Right, the soft spot.

So you've gotta be there on, you've gotta be on guard duty, you know, all the time. Yeah. You've gotta be grabbing these wiggly shits before they kill, before they break their own necks, before they do another Greg Luganus off of the coffee table. Right? It's a 90s joke for all Eugene Xers.

Do you know that reference? Do you know Greg Luganis? I knew it, Millennial. That's Millennial test. Greg Luganis, do you know Janet Reno? I know that name. Yes, that's two Millennial. That's Bill Clinton something or other, right?

She was one of the, am I right? I don't know what she was. You know who Miss Chokes on Dick is from South Park? I don't, I didn't watch South Park. Okay, anyway. That's general. So I say to Coach, you know, you're done, man. You can't, like you're this friendship that we have here,

it has a six months to live. And then you are done into baby land. Anybody who's ever had their friends or work place people get pregnant. It's six to nine months of talking about not doing baby shit and then that's it. They get on a boat like at the end of Lord of the Rings and they go to a mysterious land of hell

where it's the rest of their lives is consumed by bullshit with babies. So I say this to coach and he goes, oh no, well what do you mean? It takes a lot of like looking after to raise the kids. What do you mean? They throw themselves at things, they try to hurt themselves.

He just has no idea. And he goes, well surely you have to punish them out of that. Are you? How the fuck? Yeah. You believe, how are you gonna to punish a two-year-old who's trying to what are you going to do beat? That's why Adrian Peterson is going to jail,

right? Is that true that he's going like you can't punish them. They're not things. They don't they don't have repercussions like you and I. They don't understand consequences. No. How do you punish a suicide bomber? Right. What are you going to them to Islam? And then you gotta put some God into them very fast so that they know the self-harm that they're doing is wrong. Yeah. So, he's pregnant. And then he says, I say, well, do you know the sex of the baby?

You know, if it's a boy or a aw. Nice. And he says, he says, no, we don't wanna know. Oh, okay. We're doing a gender reveal party. I was like, oh, boy. That's a friendship over. Yeah.

Friendship over. Hey, well, you're excited about that. Well, your wife must really have your balls and he goes, no, that's my idea. Okay. Well, he's gonna get out in front of it. I don't, I couldn't, I didn't even want to figure it out. I don't like, I'm just gonna assume that you are like embracing this, this, because so you don't have to feel like

you got pressured into it, but there's no possible way that this was, I don't believe you. You've, you've disappeared and the dad, the dad universe spit you out. Whoever you are. And I realized that I'm stuck with you now forever, but that other guy who went into dimensions unknown, give him my regards, because he was a good dude who liked drinking, didn't like doing gender reveal parties. He was a man who revered information. He wouldn't select, he wouldn't elect to not have information.

Okay. We'll always have Chicago. We'll always have. That was the last. That was the last hurrah for coach. Coach unleashed invoicing me for 60 bucks. You know what? At this point, it seems like a bargain doesn't it?

That does. I pay 60 bucks. I have a back. Yeah. For one more child is drink. I pay 60 bucks to have him back. Yeah. For one more child, it's drink. How would pay it? But what I don't understand is how he has.

So when a man loves a woman, thank you. And then they will, the man's, is that what you didn't understand? How does this happen? That's not what I didn't understand. OK, what did you not understand? He loves information, like you were saying. How does he not have information on children?

I don't know why anyone would not want to do that. Do you know anybody who elects not to get the gender of the kid? I don't think so. You say that in front of your wife, and then afterwards you slipped a doctor 20 bucks and like, hey, tell me, just tell me if it's a girl so I can prep my like.

So I can, Bill, so I can prep the staircase. Oh. That's a girl so I can prep my like, so I can build it. So I can prep the staircase. So, oh. That's a good thing. So I can write my Oscar like winning speech about how it doesn't matter to me and I would be happy either way. Yeah, yeah.

And like every guy goes, well, you know what? To be honest, I'd be happy either way. Okay, dude. Have fun with that. Let me see here. What else do I got? All right, I got some stories that have made me a rage this week.

And then let us Jones is calling in. Really? Yeah, I think Mad Cux is. Well, I'll bet he's here. Nick Riccata. Yeah. Nick Riccata is supposed to be calling in. He's doing some weird stuff.

He is. Some real interesting weirdos at Google have gotten a hold of him. Yeah. I'm passing his video around. Okay. He's really upset some of these, some of the monsters they have. Good. Under the bed over at Google.

Okay, I'll tell you what makes me rage. I'm going to start with this LAUSD thing. Let's just, I'm going to say a friend of mine, a friend of mine interviewed at LAUSD. That's the Los Angeles school district for those of you who don't know. Huge, huge school district, very absolutely terrible, very terrible at what they do. Countless scandals. But this is what happened to my friend. This is what happened to my friend when they went to interview there. It's all the normal stuff.

Here's my resume. All the normal stuff that you do would a job, that everybody does. No, so there's no surprises in interview. You might get a goofball windsurfing CEO that likes to walk and talk, take you on a walk through the woods, right? You might get a goofball wind surfing CEO that likes to walk and talk, take you on a walk through the woods, right? You might get some interesting, interesting questions. What kind of animal would you like to be during an interview? Okay, you like to put your own special spin on this to make yourself feel like you have

the magic touch of hiring people, even though you don't. You're in Santa Cruz. Yeah, you're higher five, fire three. That's it. Nobody can figure it out because the people who are, the people who are bad at their job are tremendous liars. That's how they survive. Instead of improving their skills, they just improve their PR and their line. So they keep getting hired, but the people who can do the job don't have time to learn how to lie and manipulate because they're building their skillsets, right? No possible way to know who can do something or not.

So listen to what they do in this interview. They've got all the normal stuff about teaching and then they've got a special time for these, all these young, new-by-all-young teachers to go in, prepare a lesson, pretend to teach it, and have a gang of grown adult men, five or six of them acting like jackass versions of eight to 10 year olds. Like it's their own special comedy hour sitting there. To see how they deal with it.

But yeah, putting on dumb voices, making fun of each other, asking, raising their hands and wiggling them around. Like it's like it's, they're getting off on it. Like I've, I know like it's they're they're getting off on it. Like I've I know comedians and they're all like they're it's like the improv comedians are they're all they're all totally intolerable with their antics and their voices. This is it's a selection of five men who I assume are in power positions. They didn't pick these guys up off the street.

These are the guys making the fucking decisions. Working on their tight comedy reel over an all day with young women. As these chicks come in, just wanting to teach, behaving like complete assholes until they make them cry. Do they do it for men? I don't know. Probably, you know what? I wouldn't believe that was possible.

If a guy came out and told me how those guys were acting, while he was trying to do his dumb like pretend lesson or whatever it was, he was going for the interview. There's no fucking way they act like that for guys. I guarantee you they don't. I think you're right. Because they're just all jacking off under the table

while they're trying to stump these thin, beautiful women that come in in droves, because they have no other skill sets you understand. They wanna be teachers, right? So they have no other choice. That's my point. They've gotta be there. This is the only place they can work

and they've got them by their balls. The guys do. So upsetting to me because it makes, so this is a regular part of interviewing for L.A. West. This is every day. They get up, they kiss their wife or their husband goodbye for the morning. They pat their kids too long.

They probably kiss their kids older than they should on the lips. Like a dad. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dad kisses his son on the lips. It's a fuck is wrong. I would never, there was never an age where I would want to be kissed by my dad period, but on my lips, I would never get that out of my head. Yeah. Do you know your dad's who kissed their sons on the lips?

No. No. Yeah. Do you know your dad's who kissed their sons on the lips? Uh, no. No. Um, yeah, this is when we were selling that manformation show, you know, that format show I talked about. Yeah. A couple bonus episodes ago, we sold it to Spike and we would meet with the original production team. They're the guys who did Deadly's Catch, like they're the house that produced Deadly's Catch. Yeah, it's Tom Beers, right?

Yeah, we're having this meeting. And I think it was, I think I'm remembering this correctly. He's talking about kissing his son, and he was like making a big deal about how, he was talking about how it's totally normal, and how he kisses his son, and he's no big deal. I was like, hmm, well, this really, I don't really know what to say to you.

Do you, are you asking me for a kiss? He was a really cool guy, but that, I always, that's the only part of where all of our interactions that I remember. I'm sure. As that he talked about kissing his son. I feel like I saw that on the Godfather though. Yeah, that's the, that's the kisses. Because he's gonna kill them.

That's his brother. That's how it's got to be. If you're gonna kill your brother, then you kiss him so that he doesn't, he can't think straight to where the murder's coming from. So he's just thinking about his brother's intimate smells and the feel of his lips. And he can't enjoy any more of his life.

He's like, hey, you don't say, hey, my brother, I'm gonna kill you. So go live it up for the next 48 hours. You kiss him and say, like, good luck. Good luck thinking about anything else but that kiss. So anyway, these guys, they're treating it like their own personal comedy time. It really, it really fucking pissed me off

because I know the second that they're done. They're like, okay, well, we did a great job. That was really great play acting like a child. Yeah, today. We all did a great job. I can't wait to go cash this check and go home and not talk about this with my wife making girls cry all day.

You think they have little meetings about it, about like how far to go. And like, oh, it'd be really good if you came up with like this little aspect of it. I fucking guarantee you it's how hot the chick is that's in there trying to do her lesson is how big of jackass is that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, then there's the, right,

the demon as you, the green demon. The green demon that I talked about. Yeah, who becomes you? They turn into real assholes. They turn to one up each other, right? It gets so big that he takes up all of your insides. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

L.A. U.S.D. man. There's no way to get them for it either. There's no way to get anybody for anything. They do whatever they want. I used to be of the persuasion that people are just doing their job and like they have to be doing what they're doing and they're just following a store policy.

I think everybody's an activist now. What does that mean? What do you mean by that? I think part of it comes from just having their own agenda, making sure that the teachers can handle bullies, can handle whatever the social cause of the hour is. Yeah. And, and they, yeah, and they do it in a, they're adding their own little spice. That's, that's right. Yeah. They're proactively trying to, they're, they're, they're performing their own little initiative in house. Yeah. To improve the quality. Right. Be well beyond the scope of their job. Maybe that's my, that's my new way to, to gauge it. Yeah. If you're just doing exactly what the thing says, I've got no problems with you. But the second you start adding your own little spice,

it's like undercover cops. Like an undercover cop will go in and infiltrate. I knew this guy who was an undercover cop. And he infiltrated this big criminal organization in LA. It's like mob kind of ish. It wasn't Italian. I forget what the race is. There is a Los Angeles branch of the mafia.

It's small, but it's still. An Italian? Yeah, it's still here. Are you in it? No. Would you want to be in it? Yeah, sure. What if you had to whack off a guy?

I would rather kill someone on their way. I'm on my right. Yeah. And he went to the trial where they were sending all the mafia guys up and they one of them saw and he's like, Hey, Ricky, you were a cop the whole time. He's like, uh, all right. It's like, you got me fair and square. Yeah. You were doing your job.

And yeah, we probably were talking about things we shouldn't have been talking about Right talking about whacking off guys too much and their late night poker rooms getting too comfortable That's my point is if you're just doing your job. It's fine But the second you start adding your own little initiatives. God God damn the second you need something beyond what it explicitly says. You're not running your own little country in there, little dictator, these little petty little dictators. As you were telling that story, I imagined the boss from the, I can't remember the name of the show, but it was where the owners of companies would come in and watch out.

Undercover boss? Yeah, and there was an episode where they were doing hooters, and there was that guy who was really just giving the hooters girls a hard time a manager. Oh, yeah, because it was his own initiative. Yeah. Yeah, he's going to spice things up. Like making them jump through all these weird hoops and like eating beans without their hands. See? Yeah, that's gonna spice things up making them just throw these weird hoops and if like eating beans without their hands and yeah, that's what that reminds me. Eating beans without their hands. Yeah, they had to put their hands behind their back.

Strangest phrases are another one. They're hair and they would eat beans out of one of the dishes like a trot like a pig. Yeah, it was really weird. Oh my god. He fired because of that. He's in his S. B. Well, I'm sure he did too. This is what happens. This is what happens when guys are, this is why, see, this is a different country that I'm talking about. This is the woman's country constantly dealing

with these fuckballs. We're out to make them eat beans without their hands. Or act like, or ridicule them, like, or act like a child until they cry. Mm-hmm. My man would never stand for that. Never. No.

I have to eat beans without my hands. Listen to me. If I'm gonna walk out of here, if I don't get a text from you that I have the job in five minutes, I'm coming back through the front door of my fucking car, okay? Yeah. And it's intolerable what they do.

Yeah. What these goddamn men do, these horny fucks, these horny fucks at the LAUSD. You know, we, we, LAUSD blew 1.3 billion in iPads, you ever hear about that one? No, but this is what they do. They pretend to be kids and then they're gonna spice up education, spice it up.

Rubber rooms. I got a bunch of LAUC shit here, but I don't really care. They have rubber rooms? Yeah, they would, if you were a teacher and you were accused of something, you'd have to go sit in a rubber room all day downtown until your case got resolved, doing literally nothing, but going insane, like you're in solitary confinement.

Isn't that what Larry was talking about? Yeah, he was right. Oh, he ended it, but apparently they've been doing that for quite some time. Um, yeah, I mean, they just did what's, who wants to deal with that shit? That's all I'm saying. This is why, this is why they all got such a big chip on their shoulder, these teachers. This is what they're, they're putting up with these guys running school districts like they're in fucking Braveheart who just really like exists to get certain people elected in the

state of California. Yeah. I mean, it's, and I think any role playing type, saying in an interview process, it feels very dehumanizing to me. Yeah. And I hate every single time I do it. It's just, it's not, what have you had to do? It's not professional.

Personal training, like getting a personal training job. I've had to do that a couple of times. And they've acted like the client. And you have to pretend to act like their personal trainer. Or any kind of like sales, because I did membership sales before. I'll tell from speaking with you whether you know the, you know, whatever it is though. And it's not like you're ever going to get an accurate representation of how you're actually

going to do it. You just got to go, excuse me, are you Anthony Hopkins? Do you have like a bunch of Oscars for acting that I don't know about shoved up your ass? You stupid motherfucker. What are you possibly going to go, act something out for me. Give me the hamlet speech about outrageous fortune before I submit myself to this sick role play fantasy, this sick power fantasy that you have. Let's hear it. Give me a, show me that you can act first.

Um, all right. We have time for an, oh, check this out. Check out this studio gun that I got. Wow. Caleb Slotnik. Remember the guy at Road Rage LA that was screaming about giving away free guns and really disrupting the show?

There it is. Here it is, the gun. I took him up on his offer. Nice, 12 gauge shotgun. If you're not watching the video at patreon.com slash dick show. It's a 12 gauge shotgun with a handle that's been replaced, the shoulder butt has been replaced by just a, it's like a pistol grip.

Is that a pistol grip? Is that what this is? I always think like a pistol grip. Well, I mean, it's not a, yeah. But, but oh my God. It's very, it's barely legal. Yeah, barely legal, right? Mm-hmm.

That wasn't a very good cock. You could have fat one. That's all done. Just edit that. Edit the shot. Let me get a good cock here. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Okay, there. Okay. My fingers were slippery. Yeah. That's why it's not a good self defense weapon because the guy's gonna break in and I'm gonna go, oh, hold up.

Sweaty pull. You were speaking when you did it. Maybe you should just take a breath. Then do it. Speaking when you did it, maybe you should just take a breath, then do it. Still not good. Yeah. Oh, man, whatever. Can you put in a cool gun sound effect?

So thank you. I got lots of those. Yeah. You can use, you can use the one that I did from the, what is it? The dictation episode. That one was good. Yeah, that one was good. Yeah.

You can't put a sound effect in this podcast. I really fucking hate those guys at IleaUSC. I can't stop thinking about it. Like I want to find them. I want to find them on the street. I want to abduct all of them and tie them up. Put them in my basement down here and just make them act like 10 year olds until I'm satisfied.

Like, you know, like the gameimp, like the full on pulp fiction time of my- 10 year old who don't like sawdemy. Yeah, and I'm gonna have a guy in a Gimp suit with a strap on, with five strap on's and say, hey, guess what, this guy likes to, this guy is the Dean of Studies at my school. Yeah.

And now I'm gonna teach you guys a lesson and I wanna see the best 10 year old acting you got in you or you're getting fucked. Or school's out and you don't wanna school out you get this is your guardian right like a real real elaborate and demented fantasies that I have that they're because they're they don't have to do anything all they have to do is sit down and shut the fuck up and listen to what somebody's actually worked on. Have you worked on these 10 year old, these jokes that you've got, you piece of shit, you fat fuck.

All right, let me see here. I guess you wanna hear a song and kind of worked up. Yeah, let's hear a song. So now we know what you're gonna do with the crawl space. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna object L-A-U-S-D people, put them in there and make them and act their own sick fantasies. It's gonna be, and you know what,

it's gonna be the only guy acquitted of who's imprisoned someone, it's gonna be like Ariel Castro, but you can't convict them, because he only does this to fuck heads. Like he has, he's like, Jigsaw and he goes, he talks about it and then does it and everybody, he gets released to thunderous applause from people like the real dexter. Yeah. Except I want them to live with it forever with the scars of what they've done to themselves. I didn't do it. All right. Thank you, son. Yes, we have a, we have a growling Labrador in the, uh, she's very comfortable over there.

Are you want to hear an Elliott Smith, uh, parody? Yeah, from M, I think this is from MCMC. Uh-huh. It's just a little bit, just something to lighten the mood. Oh, yeah, Elliott Smith always lighten the mood. He's feel good. He's feel good. He's feel good, man. MCMC. Featuring Kendall and Hyde.

This guy's everywhere. Fuck, guys, fuck it. It's hilarious. Ah, I'm gonna do my radio DJ voice. What's up, DJ voice? Hey, everybody. Welcome to WDIC. We're listening to the Dix show.

If you want tickets to Road Rage Portland, you gotta check them out. I think they're currently sold out. Peach Saliva is gonna be there Mad Cux, it's gonna be there Sean the audio engineer is gonna be Lacey's gonna be Do be there. We're gonna be doing a singled out dating event. Enjoy. This is the Dixho Oh Damn it His float is one to roll

There's been the big show part part of the CU Next Tuesday Network. See you next Tuesday. And then, and also... Mark Marx is audio engineer now And now I'm like a bit more cake So round town He sounds just like O.M. And though Who is it?

It's not Alex Smith Oh yeah! I thought that would be the end. Oh boy! Very good. Oh, wait a minute. Okay, hold on. Can you fade that out? Asterio says he's here to talk about Steven Universe.

Okay, we are doing a Lacey's single down thing in Portland. He's here to talk about Stephen Universe. Stephen Universe, but not about the podcast he was on. Yes, there he is. Asterio is here to talk about Stephen Universe. Oh, yeah. You texted me. You said a car about Stephen Universe.

Yeah. What did you think about the stuff I was saying last week? Pretty accurate. About Stephen Universe being a weird and depraved show. I mean, you know, look, I happen to disagree with it. I think Stephen Universe is like a fun kids cartoon that is great for the whole family,

but what was your problem with the cartoon? That there's weird like, people combining genders and that all the gems are like a strange feminine dominant, polyamorous living situation with like a weird little boy. Oh, I think you're digging in too deep to that. I mean, you know, think about the GI Joe Complex. There's a bunch of dudes there and then Lady J's there. Does that make it like a weird masculine living complex?

Yeah. And that's cool. I'm comfortable with that. I don't like the reverse. I don't want to smurfs with 100 chick smurfs and then one handy getting worked and nagged to death. I want to see it the correct way with 100 smurfs and one smurf. I mean, my hand, because hand is the only smurf that could do anything. I mean, that's, you know, yeah, no, it's true. Okay, well, I mean, first off, pop a smurf could do magic, but, you know, obviously,

brainy smurf, very intelligent. Like, you know, I guess I would just kind of focus it on, it makes you uncomfortable. And that's okay, like like society is kind of moving forward and guys like you, yeah, look, you're probably gonna feel uncomfortable until the day you die with like the changes in a cup of society.

But yeah, you know, women can't be in charge. Well, there's like, like, and they're always, like, they're doing like erotic dancing for each other in Steven Universe, the moms are, and then they jump into each other's pussy. This is, I swear to God, I was just showing my way. I said, okay, I'm just trying to do this. Yeah, yeah.

On Stephen Universe, when they do their Voltron thing, you know, when Voltron combines, okay, Stephen Universe does that, and the moms, they do this erotic ass jiggling dance, and then they jump into each other's pussy in the cartoon and then they turn into like more they turn into like more monsters that could nag even harder with like both characteristics of both you know that's areas you know what I'm talking about well I mean I think that's a gross overexaggerated Well, I mean, I what kind of a braved, internet, Tumblr stuff you guys are looking at.

And yeah, you know, like some of these Tumblr kids take a little bit too far with this fun kids cartoon. No, it was on the show. It was on the show. G.I. Joe never jumped on each other's assholes. That I remember, there was no G.I. Joe with that. Sergeant Slotter never jumped inside Destro's pussy during an episode of the GI Shack was a little, you know.

Like it was so blatant and I wasn't expecting it. I had, I brought my hands up to my face. And Jamie fainted. She fell on the ground, she fainted. Hey, look, if there's a snowflake there the kind of can't handle it Every day three o'clock that's totally cool. I mean I get that you conservative snowflakes kind of Differented when I was a kid. I wish everything was the same when I was a kid. I need my member Barry But look I will say this on TIG show, they definitely had vehicles that turned into a

much larger vehicle. The power rangers combined to make a much bigger robot. The Voltron guys combined to make cool robots. It's kind of this is the thing. Sort of dick metaphor. Yeah, but they didn't have to do like erotic dancing and jumping into each other's pussy used to do it. No, that's what I don't.

I would get it. I'm not making this a good one. I'm not making this a good one. I'm not making this a good one. I'm not making's what I know. I'm not gonna get a check. I'm not gonna get a check. I'm not gonna get a check. There's a Rodic dancing and giant, but whatever weird, deviant art gift you guys are looking at it. It's not in the show, it's the actual show. Asdira, have you seen the show?

Well, I mean, you've seen the show, but I mean, have you seen most every episode? I mean, oh, look, I've seen a lot of episodes of Steven Universe. And I know, I know, I know oh look I've seen a lot of episodes of Stephen universe and I know and I know There's really not a pussy jumping now, okay, these girls do these girls do like to dance around and have fun dance You know, well, it's like dancing girls. So why they like shows like fame Yeah, you know, uh, they like shows like dirty movies like dirty dancing movies like flash dirty dancing all right. This is the dirtiest dance that you've ever seen Sean on these cartoons. Okay. Well, I mean, look, if what you're saying is true and there's there's hot

gem chicks doing cool dances on TV, I would think that you would be in favor of, you know, girls dancing around it, but it's just like a fun cartoon for fun kids. All right. I mean, like literally dick, like you haven't explained a single thing that is wrong with this cartoon. Like, so some girls dance around and they turn into a bigger thing, big whoops, there's like a cute little boy on it who doesn't want to know when to fight.

Maybe this cute little boy just doesn't like conflict and he just wants to protect all his friends all the time Yeah, maybe like sometimes there are little boys with curly black hair who just want everything to be nice and Fun, I don't see what the problem with that. I don't know why you would have to attack a cartoon Just about a boy who wants his friends to stop fighting and I'll get a lot you would have to attack a cartoon just about a boy who wants his friends to stop fighting and all get along. Yeah, okay. I get it.

I get it now. Hey, you got to make you a rage. Uh, yeah, when people make fun of my favorite cartoon, I'll talk to you. Bye. Goodbye. Goodbye. I didn't get to ask him if we could play that audio. No, I guess you can make some a rage.

I got lettuce. Let's see, lettuce Jones on. I got some more songs. No, I guess, you can make some orage. I got let us, let's see, let us Jones on. I got some more songs. God, I really wanted to tell this story about my sister's little league. But I guess, I'll wait till next week to talk about that. I took up too much time talking about schools. All right, TDS Fox says she was talking about the bonus episode too. I'll do you one better. She had a waitress the other day.

I was talking about doing those surveys.. I'll do you one better. She had a waitress the other day. So I was talking about doing those surveys. The company's asking you to do. Yeah, no payment. I'll do you one better. I had a waitress the other day who instead of simply taking our cards, handed my table and iPad with a card reader and then walked away.

She had to each go through and select what we bought to construct our orders and then pay ourselves. I paid money to do her job for her. There was a stupid survey at the end of that one too. Those things really drive me insane. There's a handsome dick on Twitter. Have you seen that?

You just post handsome-ified versions of me? Yeah, I heard about it. I haven't seen them. It's really unsettling seeing these pictures of yourself running through like a handsome filter. Oh, it's true filter. Yeah, it's like an app that just makes you feel like shit for the rest of your life. Oh, I can never look like that. So I guess. I guess I watched Stephen universe and call it a day. I guess I'm just gonna go back to bed. It is depressing. That's the same aspect. Got in trouble for posting, like turning yourself into different nationalities. Oh, really? I think so, yeah.

You can see what you look like as a black guy or as a Chinese guy. Yeah. Without. They got in big trouble. I had an app for turning you into a Chinese guy when I was a kid. We would just go like,

Yeah. We'd do that. It was a rhyme. We would just go like, yeah, we'd do that. Right. It was a rhyme. You told the rhyme and then you would turn into a Japanese guy or a Chinese guy. I don't know if you've heard some about dirty knees. And that one. Yeah, look at you.

It was a matter of fact. You just say that and then you turn, you see what you look like. Look at these. Yeah, back in the analog days. All right, we've got another caller. It's calling in after the Asterios who wants to talk after Asterios is called. Good.

Are you there? Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, hey, yeah. Can you hear me dick? Who is this? I'm, I'm negative esterios. I'm esterios from another universe, the universe with Jeff, rolled a one, who's Jeff? It's a reference, millennials will get it.

So born, let's get on to the bits. Okay, what do you got for us, negative esterios? Wait, are you a reverse of the stereos? Well, I'm from an alternate universe where everything is the opposite. Where? Hillary Clinton won the election. Okay.

You know, a stereo's in your universe is a liberal cuck, but in my universe, I is a big cook there too. Okay. This universe sounds very similar to ours. Not really negative. Everybody has go-tees. Okay. What's Sean like?

He's still super-hatsom. Sounds like the same universe. No, this is a different universe in this universe, damn it, dick in this universe, I can talk about the lawsuit. So let's just come on. Okay. Oh, thank God. Okay. So this is a version of stereos who can talk about the lawsuit. All right. What do you got to say? Negas, Negas, Theorios? Well, first I want to play a game. All right. They're better than having a next game. No. It's called, where in the world is a Stereo's,

Coconut's nose? Okay. So, here are your options. In the outback, crocodile-done dude has been seen turning V-necks into dubious. Down in the bayou, Adam Panache has been seen turning V-necks into dubious. Down in the bayou, Adam Panache has been seen making a guaranteed, delicious jambalaya at the North Pole Santa Cucks pla-packing his sleigh to bring little toys to all the good little cucks. And in LA underneath the mountain bunker is

the enigma. Where is the true Asterios? Well, he's not here. I don't think he'd be in Australia. I'm going to go with, I'm going to go with, he's got to be at the North Pole or the South way, where's the South Pole has Santa Cuck? Because he's the opposite. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. In the mirror universe, Santa Cuck lives at the North Pole. All right. I'm going to guess the North Pole then. Anybody else? Sorry, that is incorrect. He's actually at patreon.com fortslashisterios.

Negisterios this time, though. That's also the same as this universe. Yeah, there's a lot of similarities. There's not very many negatives in the Negisterios universe. All right, you ready for your second question? In this universe, what is a stereos going to steal a an iTunes feed? B some fans.

C the credit or D all of the screla. Oh gosh, well, the negative, the negative universe, I think hysteria should be motivated by money. So let's go with money, except in this negative universe is always very similar to this one. I'll go with credit. Credit, all right. Sean, why?

Yeah, why? Okay. What's the answer? Nothing, he's not a shifty fuck like Matti Steelership. Oh. You're famous people, come on guys, come on. I'm next, yes. Nice to see you.

All right, I've got one last question. Okay. You think a trail of invoices, which one is mysterious? Hey, some airport yogurt. B, all you're minds are shampoo, C, an expensive legal bill, or D, a bill from a costume shop. All of the above.

I know it's all the above. That is correct. All right, good. Thank you, Negus Therios. So wait, can I play the audio that somebody sent in of you throwing up on their podcast? Negus Therios. Go go buy!

Yeah. He's exactly the same. Yeah, he's exactly the same as the regular hysterios. Max the Stereos. Yeah, not in the negative. Not in the negative. Not in the hysterios from Texas. Yes, the negative hysterios would be from Texas.

Yeah. Having guns and pride. Guns, yeah, he would be very, he'd be very right wing. He'd be a strict constitutionalist. It would be my life coach. That's negative stereos Hey, let us you there Yeah, can you hear me? Hey much better. How you doing man? It's been a while Good doing good. You've been to you've been to jail and now you're back out right? Yes back out since July

All-foughts arrest since December. She good totally free Totally well. No. Oh, your probation still, but four years, probably. Yeah, I can't take anyone and ask for four years. So you can't kick anyone's ass for four years. Yeah, not unless they, uh, not unless they want to give me a written consent. Oh, I think we can get that. but I don't want to say want to give me a written consent. Oh. I can't wait.

Anyway, you can get that. I've got good news and bad news, all right? All right. So good news, all right. Good news. My movie script that I wrote in jail is now available at patreon.com, plus let us show them for $1. All right, for $1, you can read this amazing script written with a golf pencil

All the voicemails that were missed I put all the voicemails up there too a lot of them were kind of disappointing the quality got fucked up But you got there's a bonus you whoever you put in charge of getting your voicemails to me really fucked up Because I didn't get, I was like three months and then I got one zip file with a hundred lettuce voicemails, like how the fuck, how do I start playing these? I don't know, who did you put in charge of getting your voicemails to me?

I won't say, I won't say. I don't say, I'll cut you a stitch. It's good, okay. That's why. All right, what's your, I don't want people to be given, you know, mad cokes in the top gay, any shit. Oh, I think they did great.

I think they did just fine, right? They weren't getting paid. That's true. But so, so yeah, patreon.com fleshless shones. All right. It'd be the new meme. Stereo, if that's the old meme. All right, but I do, so the bad news though.

Wait, wait, wait, wait wait what's your script about yeah you got to use a lot of it's uh... it's a sci-fi it could combine is a lot of uh... terrorism with uh... kind of a sci-fi space space space t space terrier fun to hold family

i don't think that's ever been done before space terris it gets not I don't think that's the best. I don't think that's the best. I've ever been done before. Space Terrace. I guess not. What do they use instead of suicide bombing? Um, just, you know, the usual, uh, big, probably like future bombs instead of regular bombs. Okay.

Is there a space Mohammed? Yes. Well, not necessarily, you know, space Mohammed, but space Mohammed but yet there's actually all of the characters are named Mohammed all the terrorists are. How long is this script? It's about 25 pages short and sweet you know. If I made the movie for real I would just go to the script out and kind of like you know do whatever feels right.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's how all great art is made. I think it's really good script, very fun read. Can I get Randy to read it? And then give his comments on it? Okay, we got a good Randy. We'll see if it's better than Denzel's script. But let's wait, okay, oh yeah, so dick, dick, dick, dick. That's what I'm talking about.

Denzel script, my script, where's the blackout, huh? Whatever happened to blackout. Oh yeah, I get it right that. I really do. Because the plan, my whole plan was, when I got to jail, we were gonna compare the scripts. Yeah, yeah, well, I had, let us, I had a lot of stuff to do. I don't have just time to wittle away, you know?

I got lots of twitch to watch. I know what you mean. The time just flew by for me. It was like nothing. Well, lawsuit doesn't make it any easier either. How was jail? What happened in jail? Yeah, it was really boring, pretty miserable.

But yeah, I'm out now. What what was like the worst stuff you saw in there like what's the what's the key to surviving and what was the key to getting through it for you? Just don't be like you know a little don't be a little weirdo, you know, just go to the flow Most people there they're there you know they're dealing with everything just like you are yeah there, they're, you know, they're dealing with everything just like you are. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I think it was county ain't too bad. Honestly, I heard the city jails way, way worse. Did you get any special gifts from Dickheads besides books? Um, no, I only got books. What was your favorite book?

The books I got were great. What was your favorite book that you got in there? Outliers. Well, others in Manor better than women. Thank you. Yeah. I don't think you got, I think that voicemail got deleted or something,

but just like, I donated that book to the jail. Yes. Good. Nice. Thank you. So now you have a copy of Manor better than women purchased by Dick himself to spread all your manly. I should send those to more jails.

Did you autograph it? No, I had, you have to send it from Amazon. You can't like, otherwise you sneak in like a file. Yeah, I should. I signed it too. So, you know, if anyone who's got a single channel with kind of jailed be on the lookout. There's a signed copy men are better women in there.

They can find my letters, Jones. What was the, what was like the, was there ever a moment like, I have this, this, I don't think it's irrational fear of going to jail or going to prison. Like if I had it my whole life, I don't know why I'm just 100% sure I'm going to end up in jail or prison. So I'm trying to live it up while I can. But what was like the worst, what was like the worst thing you, you saw in there?

Or was there ever a moment when you're like i guess the worst thing i saw you know there were a decent amount of fights but mostly i mean the fights were like entertaining like i was the guy in the crowd like you know what there was this one fight that was just like uh... i was pretty brutal it was like blood on floor and stuff it wasn't really that bad what were they fight over

uh... you know i never knew that's a thing about all the fight and all the grievances in jail uh... you know and ever knows what anyone mad at each other for and just you know i just goes on just never fucking and to the lot of shit talkers like i think i probably ch other but i'd say only about one out of ten times it ends up in a fight that's a lot

in the real world that's like one in a million that's one and that's a little different yeah oh wow uh... what were you okay what were you going to say about your bad news so yeah um... so i wish that this was joket but uh... but you may got something common because i i'm getting sued for seventy five grand no

uh... yeah the defendant is bringing a civil case uh... so you just went to jail right that was the criminal penalty attacking this dude and now he's suing you for $75,000. That's a hell of an ass whipping. Yeah, well, how's that priority? Cause, I mean, you should just be madx up. You know, you put it to 75.

Yeah, but only cost money internet. That's, you know, what, half a billion? Yeah. You fucked up, dick. I did fuck up. You know what? Everybody's lawyer fees are probably more than 75 grand. I could have sent out a collection plate patreon, Weber, me, Astarios, everybody give me 15,000 bucks and I will go kick Maddox's ass and we'll settle this whole thing

Yeah, and I'll just pay I'll just pay it out as a check. No big deal. Now we're stop paying lawyers They're not having anything fun with it. No, it's like it's like What sonny does to the after he breaks the guy's camera, the godfather. Yeah, the first one, he just fucking throws it down and then just starts peeling off like, you know, bills. Yeah, here you go. It's done. 75, man, I would be more worried about a $75,000 lawsuit than a half a billion dollar one. Yeah, well, especially because it's not, you know, it's not a bullshit lawsuit to the yeah i don't how do they come to that figure what the hell did you do to this guy

well insurance companies and so i mean like that what you know i mean of course he's asking more than what he thinks he's going to get uh... uh... i was talking a little bit to uh... uh... uh... uh... a little bit to the dick show lawyer and uh... he was saying generally it's like three times medical builders but I don't know. But what we'll just see.

But anyway, I just want to let the fans know Patreon.com, plus Les Jones. We got quality content. You can give as much as you want. Settle. Do you have the actual script that you wrote with a golf pencil? Or is it a... Oh yeah. And I didn't even type it up.

I scanned it. All right, to give you that authentic feel. All right, we're gonna need to get that typed up Maybe let us the script top and get it over to Randy. I can't wait to see the notes Randy has back on this thing Are you the main character in your script? Oh? No, no, no Is it some is it like the latest characters? Redis Jones. Is it like cabbage? Rettis Jones, is it like cabbage, cransden? No, no, no, no, no, it's totally,

totally fictional, it's not, you know, there's none of me in there. Okay. What's the thing you missed most when you were in jail? Now that you're back in the real world. Oh, it's the food, man. I'll tell you what, it's not too good of jail, you realize how good you have it with food.

Yeah. You know? That's true. Right here, we're eating, we're throwing away food. We're throwing away food that we're killed for. In jail. Oh man. I would think you'd say pussy,

but then I think about it, like I eat three times a day. No one, it's the thing that like you never, ever think about until you're in jail, being forced to No, that's the thing. It's the thing that you never ever think about until you're in jail, being forced to eat shitty food all the time. You never realize how much you loved it. How much you loved it more than anything in the world. I guess, you know, it's like drowning and realizing, man, I really fucking love the air. Yeah, and it just costs you money, food.

Like, pussy costs you money and a piece of your soul Usually right right food. You just got to exchange money for Like what was your I don't know do you have any jail questions? I want to know like I want to know the whole experience of being in fucking jail. What did you do for work while you were in there? Yeah, you worked in a kitchen and it was a total ripoff. I mean, don't get me started on that whole thing, but I think I said it in one of the voicemails. You know, it's like they tell you, yeah, you got to work in the kitchen and then if you get fired, then they had three months, but if you're never working in the kitchen to

begin with, then you don't get those months. But if you do get fired, you're screwed, so you have to go back to the kitchen to get three months off it's a whole thing it's it's fucking disaster so it's like it sounds like a game you don't know the rules to and if you fuck up it costs you time yeah well it's just their way of getting free labor because they know that no one will ever do that shit otherwise so they they need that threaten you and

they need to confuse you and to think in you have to do it even even though maybe you don't really have to do it, but once you do it, then you do have to have to do it. I'm confused just listening to it. So they tricked these guys to work in the kitchen for free in jail. Were there any like guards who were total cocksuckers and like that everybody had? Oh, yeah, most of them. But then there's, you know, the couple of guys who are really good. Yeah. Yeah, most of them, but then there's you know the couple guys who are really good. Yeah

What what would the what would the asshole guys do? Oh, they would just they would lock down the entire pod every single night You know they'd be like oh you guys are too loud and you know keep it quiet And they hear one little peep and everybody's locked down, you know power power trip and pricks Power tripping pricks. Yeah What was your first night like You know, power, power, power tripping pricks. I can power tripping pricks. Yeah. Uh, what was your first night like? And you know, oh, my first night was nice, man. You know, I was, uh, I, I slept good.

Did you cry? I mean, I went in, you know, on a bunch of Xanax. That is. It's great. But then you can't sleep at all. I got to take enough Xanax to last me nine months. Yeah. Right. I did, you know,x to last me nine months. Yeah. Right.

I did, you know, I just like right before, you know, you go up the judge, you're just, you're not very nervous, but then by the time you get the bed, you're passed out, sleep my little baby. Oh, so you went into court on Xanax because that was the last time, like that's the last thing you do. I would never say that.

Right, right, right, right, I would do that. I'd probably, you know, I probably should have. Yeah. Did you cry at all while you were in jail? Did I cry? This is Jamie Lynn, who's you're talking to? Yeah, I cried when I was thinking about, you know, when I watched all these commercials for like,

you know, all these deals, like $4 deals and McDonald's and all this shit. Yeah. Yeah. Horrible. Did you have to share a cell with somebody? Oh yeah. Yeah, when you first go in, you share a cell and then you go up to the CO and say, put me on the list for a single cell if you want to. Some of the guys in there, they hated the single

cell. I personally liked it. What the hell did they hated the single cell? Why? I don't know, man. Some of the guys, they get lonely. They like don't they like once someone they'd have someone to talk to and you know, have personal space. Yeah, is that like talk to like when I'm talking like when you're talking to a chick, like are they trying to get intimate? No, no, nothing like that. What was that? Oh, what was the intimacy all about? No, nothing like that. That's what we want to know about. What was the Steven universe? Yeah, what was the, what was the sex that was, was anybody jumping in

in each other's pussies and forming a super prisoner while you were in there? No, no, no, no, no, no, that's just county, you know, because you got to remember that in jail, everyone there for like, maybe a year or so. Oh, I see. Okay. So they're tough to have from prison. Oh, because they know that they're not getting, they're never like never getting out.

They're there never decades. Yeah. All right, man. Well, I'm glad that you're out. Yeah, me too. This is, this lawsuit is terrible, though. Never ends for poor lettuce. No, no.

What? Yeah. So anyway, another thing, Dickels. I'm taking Dickels. All right. Go to Twitter. I just posted my Dickel address. Dickels Bitcoin Litecoin. I'm all about crypto. I bought my first Bitcoin for $30 back in a day. Actually, funny story. When I got out of jail, I bought my car with Bitcoin because I had bought some Bitcoin and I had some Dogecoin and Litecoin from like years ago. There you go. That I still had and I sold it all on a guy to jail and bought a car. Wow. Okay. Car. Oh, shitty Nissan Central.

Oh, smart. It's good. It's good. It's sensible. It's better than nothing. I've been trying to wait a couple months to sell. Oh, yeah. What'd you sell at? I sold them at when Bitcoin was at about like 2,500. Oh yeah. You could have made 10 times the amount of money. I know, dude. I know. That sucks. All right. What makes you rage, man? What makes me rage is, you know, those clocks were like every hour they make a noise. Yeah, like the bird ones. Yeah

He has one that is like a Harley Davidson clock. So I'm gonna hit the hour like these like Stupid I had a Corvette one just like that it made room so yeah Yeah, and nobody nobody smashed it or killed you or anything. No, it was in my room as a teenager. My best friend got it for me. What would you think about it every hour? Like, oh, man, awesome. I'm glad that I'm reminded about Corvettes. Yeah. I love Corvettes. It should have like popped out and like a middle-aged bald guy get out of the car. Right around the lock hat on. Yeah, the good Shreiner. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Thanks, let us. All right, thanks, Dave. I'm gonna check out your script. Yeah, patreon.com. Let us know. Let us know.

There you go. There he goes. Man. What a rough, I think, come on, you sent him to prison. Yeah, I didn't mean some money. Yeah, I didn't think about that. You couldn't get some money up front

and maybe keep the guy out of jail. God dammit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a thing that in a lot of instances, there's a criminal and then a civil trial. Like OJ. Oh man, he really nailed him on the second one. $50 million or something like that.

Yeah. You ever had any clocks that made noise on the hour? Sure. I remember we had one that was never wound up when I was a kid. Yeah, a cook of clock. But yeah, no, I've never bought a clock that like those chimes. My grandparents, each had those no, I've never bought a clock that like those chimes my grandparents

each had those big big old clocks that would make those soothing chimes every hour so nice a mechanically produced Harley Davidson sound no, that's gonna be it now. It's gonna be a big no. All right, I've got a bit that I'm gonna play I play another song. Yeah. This song is called Cuck Man. Oh, God. I see. By Rob John sends in this song called Cuck Man.

Wow. My woman's with another man Take converted all my fans Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman

Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman

Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman

Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman

Coffman Coffman Coffman Coffman Coff Coffman Coff Scott Man I'm Cuff Man A watcher fuck another man that he sprayed me With the silky salty jam save me And a spank man! Selling leather, man per fac!

All my friends are Cuxen fac! Cuxen fac! Silling for some YouTube ad! Reading news and getting fat! Cuxen fac! Cuxen fac! Reading news and getting fat This is part I wanted to hear With the sil be salty jam, but they pay. All right, wonderful. Uh-huh.

And I'm saying that. Absolutely wonderful. All right, all right, all right. You can see more on the side. Hear more on the side. Oh, boy. Oh, fuck, I should have played. I should have played the,

I've also got a, a, a, a, a, a, a Cuck some prison blues song. Oh, wow. Somebody sent in. A, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a Cuck some prison blues song. Oh, wow. Somebody sent in a, a, a Cuck old prison blues, excuse me, but you think Cantryl, I should have played that when Lettuce was on. Let's talk to Nick first. Yeah.

Hey, Nick, what's going on, man? Hey, not much, buddy. How's it going? Good, good, very good. I've been watching your videos. I really love them. Me too. Yeah, it's a great party video.

Thanks, guys. And take Nick will read one sentence and then go off on a tangent that takes about 45 minutes. I hope you I hope you booked out the rest of your afternoon for my call in. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So recently, Nick has been going over the Demor Googley lawsuit. Yeah. Google lawsuit, you know, James DeMour wrote this, um, he wrote a very, he wrote a very odd, it's a very odd document after having gone, after having listened to Nick go through it, like the points that he makes about, uh, women and men and tech and why, why there's no women in tech. Yeah. Uh, it's, it's, I think it's odd because there's like a zillion

reasons why, and we all fucking know them except for the people that are trying to make money by selling the idea that this could be changed in any way. You know, women are not going to be in code. That's it. That's like 95% of crypto is men also 100% of the shit, 95% of the shit that gets taken apart in your house is gonna be by a little boy. There's a zillion reasons why it's like this.

So Timor writes this document that will obviously get him fired. Everybody except this poor bastard is a Google engineer. Like he doesn't know, these people don't know things that we know that we take for granted, you know? You don't like to do that.

You feel like don't say that. There's no need. Yeah, there's no need. You don't understand all of what you're talking about and you are not a writer. So don't even try. Don't try. And these are insane things.

It's only gonna go one way. It's only gonna go, you're only going to get fired. Yeah, it's. You're not changing anybody's mind, right? And Nick, I will tell you this. This is reminding me of what kind of a weird place Google is. I've got one story about Google just to, just to illustrate how much of a very bizarre place Google is to work for that explains why these people internally are getting freaked

out by Nick's, by Nick's videos. That just, sorry, what are you doing? No, that was Nick, I think. No, not the typing. Oh, she's just pestering everybody. Oh, really? So, Google tries to do anything to become like people's parent and guardian. Like they get haircut machines,

they get a haircut truck to show up once a week. They take care of all of your food for you. Like they literally do, they go, Google the company goes so far beyond what is appropriate for a company to do, to spend money on you that they turn everybody who works there in my my opinion, into this weird like star trekking sexless cog in a, in like their own universe.

Like it's like working there. Their corporate, their corporate culture is like being in the star trek federation where there's endless, there's endless board meetings and conference calls for everything. Like, there's everything goes through, everything, any idea or any initiative goes in the meat grinder and comes out Google on the other end. And they're like obsessed with it.

Like, everything is the Googley way of doing something or like, you have to submit, you have to submit ideas. They've conditioned, they've got this thing where you're allowed to work on your own projects for 20% of their time, they call it, except that's bullshit. That's not how it works. You have to get that time approved on a project that you want to do.

So they've got everybody there inventing shit for them. Yeah. Like the do know, the do know evil model is very serious, but it also means that they can do everything above what is explicitly evil. Like if as long as you're not being Hitler, as long as you're not being evil, anything goes. Yeah. Which is the worst behavior on the planet, right?

Anyway, they had this party that a bunch of marketing people were going to one time, a long time ago. And when we showed up, they had rows of their employees standing on the sides of these stairs, clapping, like applauding just average schmoze marketing people showing up to this event like sitting there with huge smiles on their faces and chicks that had no business prongs of them this many beautiful women had i i defy them to explain why their why their um why they're ratio of hot fuckable chicks is so much higher than any company in Silicon Valley.

I 100% think that they're doing it on purpose to try to keep their like their pack mules working and staying at the fucking Googleplex. Because why, where are you going to go if they're putting all, if they're making all your food, they're cutting your fucking hair and they've got a higher ratio of hot chicks than anywhere else in the fucking world. And they can all, you're going nowhere, I'm going nowhere, and they got them all lined up, applauding people coming.

It was one of the fucking weirdest sickest, like it made me uncomfortable. It was very, and then two hours later, they run out of beer at their own party. And that's how that told me one thing. You guys don't know you're so far out of touch with human beings that there's nothing, nothing that nothing here resembles anything that a human would want, which is why they can't launch shit.

Like all the things they make go straight down the drain are immediate disasters. You know, I'll say do with their employees. I found it to be very weird. Do you remember when we looked up a bunch of the employees on Twitter? Yeah. And every single one, no matter how like, not cis, they were, everybody had to put their pronouns on like their profiles. Do you remember that?

Yeah. They're all queer. I don't know how you say that. I don't know how you're supposed to say that. I know I'm not allowed to call people a bunch of queers, but when they say every single profile has some version of queer, what are you supposed to say? Queer? Queer.

They've got a bunch of queers working at Google. They say it, not me. This isn't me. I'm not enjoying this in any way, bunch of queers working at Google. They say it, not me. This isn't me that I'm not enjoying this in any way, calling them queers. It's just what they call themselves. So Nick, you've apparently pissed some of these queers at Google. Yeah, apparently if you just go ahead and read like a legal document that is obviously bias towards one side, then you are automatically completely biased towards that side. And if you dare read the names that are listed

in the public document, you're somehow assaulting or attacking people, I guess. Yeah, well, what was one of the queers names? Was Liz Fong? Yeah, Liz Fong Jones. Liz Fong Jones. Liz Fong Jones. Yeah, who the next day was featured in a wired article about all of the discrimination and hate

that she receives as a Google employee, which is pretty funny, given the timing of the lawsuit and her direct quotes in the document, showing how she's actively trying to get, quotes in the document showing how she's actively trying to get, you know, heteronormative people fired for being men. Yeah, it's very fucking weird and it makes my skin crawl reading not not only reading like what she says, but just like learning more about her as a person that she's in charge or even in a slight way, even in a partial way in

charge of a company that has more power over me than the US government. Yeah. Like if Google decided to fuck with me, I can't stop. If I'm the same, try to fuck with me, I could stop them. I got lots of, I got lots of ways to do that, increasing by the day. You understand Sean? Yeah. Talking about this shotgun that I'm holding from Taylor.

Right, right. Right. I can't use it. I can't use it. I can't. There we go. There's a good one. Understand Sean talking about this shotgun that I'm holding from tail it right right Right, you can cock it. Yeah, I can't I can't use it There we go. There's a good one. That's where I can use the Sopta government Google. I got nothing I got no digital shotgun to take them down if they I've no second amendment rights against Google and they've got

Insane queers working for them and the Go ahead. Oh what the the thing that I've noticed so far is that Google has so much money that they're paying all these people infinity dollars to not do anything other than go to internal conferences about gender biases. I mean, and tweet about it then. That was money from Arizona. Go ahead.

Well, the funniest thing I saw on your video was when you said, yeah, for all these people working at Google, they're doing a lot of tweeting and going to like seminars about diversity and they don't seem to be doing much work. Right. Like, I can't imagine having time, but before I was self-employed,

it was I could not imagine having the time to just sit around and do ongoing training unrelated to any aspect of my actual work. Yeah. Yeah. So what is this? What is that Liz Fong saying about you? Like, you've had a number of people talking about passing your videos around internally and how you're using Ableist slurs against them. Because let's be fair, you're doing a little bit more than reading documents. We're also offering a spicy hot day. It's about every couple of sentences.

I thought my ableist slurs were me making fun of FDR being terrible at standing. But it turns out it's just calling people an idiot is apparently an ableist slur. Right, because that's an antiquated IQ term that we used to use 75 years ago. Is that why? I guess. I don't know.

I guess that's why they do it. I was contacted by a couple software engineers privately who are pretty sympathetic to my situation. Yeah. And they, I did get a couple of these screenshots and really, I will say. From inside Google? Yeah.

Whoa, what did the screenshots say? I was kind of surprised. They do have a link to my bar registration in Google because the, of course, the first attack was, is this guy even a real lawyer it's like no I'm lying and holding myself out to the public as a real lawyer because that's a smart thing to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah but I mean This is like Google's paying them to research you for obviously nefarious purposes basically I Can't say for sure that it's done on company time

But it is it is from their internal server so I would assume sure that it's done on company time, but it is, it is from their internal server so I would assume. So maybe it's during their 20% time where they get to work on private projects, like the fucking up a guy's life. Private projects is going after a rural Minnesota lawyer. Yeah, I need to spend 20% of my day on this, please. But I will say, man, if I saw a leaked document from inside Google with my name on it and one of these, one of these angry queers was passing it around. I, if you look, I go ahead, I was going to say I will say that, uh, for as much as there are people, um, I guess at some level attacking me, although, you know, nothing has come to me outside of the private stuff

so I don't want to misrepresent that I'm like in some sort of weird existential danger, but there are people actually defending the videos and defending me on Google's eternal stuff as well. So kudos to them if you happen to have her here this, thanks. Good for you. You really Nick. Oh, Nick. Nick Rackets is really moving up in the world. Getting bigger, getting some big enemies out there, Sean. Just another future millionaire who used the Dick show as a springboard to greatest success. Those Silicon Valley queers mean business. They do.

If I understand that like giving drunk and screaming at a camera would have been profitable, I would have done it a long time ago. Yeah. You and me both. Yeah. So this was funny. So to try to do one of the Googlers into like telling me what they were talking about, I said I was a reporter and LGBT Q reporter. So Kimball, the silver hammer saw this and started telling them that he was a reporter from Buzzfeed Israel. Like, he's got his little, he's didn't change anything. He got his little picture.

He's like, yeah, I'm from Tel Aviv, the Tel Aviv. I'm giant Israeli flag in the background. Yeah, it's like immediately as soon as I did it and got blocked. He's like, hey, I'm also a reporter from Buzzfeed Israel. I need some commentary on this. Anyway, I forget what I forget what else I was gonna ask you, Nick. Oh, that's fine. I don't know, man.

I just, like the whole thing has been just funny to me because I don't get why it's so threatening to just have, like believe me, I love my subscribers and they grow by the day, but I don't wanna pretend I have some massive influence yet, yet. But, I mean, it's interesting.

That's scary that they're so wrapped up in it though. You know what, let me, because you don't have a massive influence. You can't discount a lawyer's opinion now. No, no. That's why it's so beautiful, because no matter how queer they are,

and they are, very. I don't want to make it seem like these people aren't as queer as they're saying that they are. Yeah, they definitely aren't. Don't sell them short. Yeah. They have the max queer. They have maxed out that capital to 100%.

Right. And Nick, as as a lawyer has much more Influence to burn than these then these freaks on Twitter And I don't mean freaks because of their queerness. I mean just them as their personality of freaks Right, so he's got much that's why they're afraid of him guys like I got no capital guy Trump support Trump supporter drinks too much, right off. Instant right off. Guy like Nick, well spoken, going over legal documentation,

with no stuttering, dropping the kind of knowledge that you gain from years and decades of intense study. That's very frightening to them. And he's a Christian man. Yeah. As a Christian man. A lot of influence there. And I don't drink too much. I only drink just enough. Yeah, he only drinks just enough. All right. Nick, what makes you a rage? Man, today I was going to say small town tyrants, but I'm going to change it to small time tyrants. And that's these, we'll call them social and public leeches who punch above their weight

on swinging their authority around. In my specific context, I've got court tomorrow morning for a tiny homeowners association in a town of 1,500 people, right? And they are suing my client for thousands of dollars of fees. The only problem is the association that they formed has been disbanded for 20 years. OK. So they've been very extended every once in a while.

Well, absolutely wonderful. OK. And so just these little people, you know, this is not a big association by any means. Perfectly measuring of a wealthy people. Yeah. Yeah, but you know, they're trying to go after this poor person that I'm representing. And it's just funny, because yeah, like I said, they don't even exist. And they don't even realize that I've told them several times

You don't exist as an entity. You were actually dissolved. Yeah, and so tomorrow is gonna be funny This is why we got to go to space We just gotta get away from these fucking people because that's these people are at every there are every race and Gender and social strata. There's no amount of money that can predict if someone is a bastard or not. There's no amount of education. Either smart as people's world could be total top susters. Man, you're so smart and rich and well-traveled

and all the things you would think would make a person and yet they're not inside. There's no person, there's only bastard inside them. So that's why we have to get, that's why we have to get to Mars, Sean. Yeah. All right Nick. Have a good one. Keep doing the video.

Congratulations on all your success. Thanks man, I appreciate it. You guys have a good one. Yeah. See ya. See ya. All right Jamie, do you want to news some news? Yeah. I wish we had it.

Let me see if we have a news sound. We have Jamie do news. Oh boy. Let me see if we have a news sound. Jamie, do you want to? Oh, boy. No, I don't have a news bumper. Oh. All right, sorry. Just a very neat looking legal pad. Oh, this is my purple spiral notebook.

Yeah, that looks like there's like, you know, legible writing in it. Yeah, I don't know if this is for the news or. No, that's for the fitness deal. Oh, okay. No messed up, no funny news this time. Okay. Straight news.

Well, you know, you've got one guy that's going to be very disappointed. Good. He gave you an extra whole dollar just for that. All right. What do you got? Okay. So the first thing is, it's a cryptocurrency.

Tokyo-based cryptocurrency exchange hacked, losing 530 million. And so this is coinchecked. Coincheck, a major cryptocurrency trading exchange in Tokyo, has been hacked into and has lost about 58 billion yen, which is 534 million worth of virtual money. Coincheck posted on its website on Friday afternoon that it had suspended withdrawals of almost all cryptocurrencies. The exchange has already reported the incident to the police in Japan's financial services agency.

Oh man, I would, what if you lost $500 million? What would you do? Just kill yourself, right? I would. I guess. I mean, like, what can the police even do? Nothing. The police can't do anything. That's gunning. That money's gone. They just lost a bunch of fake invisible money disappeared. And do you think police agencies have people smart enough to even look

through the stuff? I hope not. I don't. Why are they wasting the police's time with their fake crypto money? $500 million of their crypto money? I would start over. Yeah. I would either actually kill myself or fake my own death if I lost $300 million. Yeah. At least fake your own death. So just nobody asks you about the rest of your life.

Yeah. Otherwise, it's like having a broken arm for the rest of your life. Yeah. You got to tell every single person, so what did it feel like to lose half a million dollars? Like, ah, come on, man, I'm just giving it a do over. Just don't, don't ask me about this shit. I got to do it. I got to kill myself. It's not, it's not worth it explaining to you people over and over again. Yeah. Get old, it would get old after a week. Like what kind of answer are they expecting? Oh, I feel totally free now, that I'm not bogged down by the bonds of money.

It was the best thing that ever happened. I was thinking that we're happy. Maybe I would just do that. Become like a yoga guru. Yeah. Talk about everything's the best thing ever. I shit my pants, it's the best thing I've ever had. Just make them so uncomfortable that they'll never talk to you again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, with that smug look on their fucking face, because they didn't get involved in cryptocurrency when you were, oh, how does it feel that you lost all your imaginary money? Half a billion dollars? Actually, it's the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It made me feel the one this with the spirit earth mother,

whom I now worship daily and who influences my life. Yeah. The better and you just keep talking until they walk away. Mm-hmm. All right. What else? What else you got? Okay.

Next, we've got BMW to challenge Tesla with super long range electric SUV. Oh, that's what everyone needs and wants. Yeah. Everybody's been clamoring for a super long range electric SUV. I'm so glad that this, that this joke company Tesla is incentivizing the world's greatest driving machine to waste a bunch of their fucking time on their engineers on building a total piece of shit. Thank you once again, Elon Musk. Thank you for your influence. Thank you for your service. You prick So

VMW plans to produce a futuristic electric vehicle with a whopping 435 miles of range That's enough to drive from Los Angeles to Phoenix and still have 60 miles to spare 60 miles to spare You can enjoy yourself. Electric cars still fucking suck. Don't they? They go nowhere. They go nowhere. They're fucking joke and every time any government pulls the subsidies from them, the sales

fall off a fucking cliff because nobody wants that car. And there's something that gets under my skin about it being BMW. Ultimate driving machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ultimate fucking driving machine. It's an awesome car. Ultimate douche machine. Who, what do you drive?

A Dodge Challenger. Yeah, the ultimate redneck machine. Don't be throwing barbs at BMW. The ultimate driving machine, when you're sitting on a a rocket powered liability. All right fucking douche machine. You can agree that there's there's a convertible champagne colored sea bring convertible ultimate man's car. Okay, so. Tell me you got a hammer in it. That C-bring guy.

That F1, it was F1 drivers. Oh man, what are they driving? What are those things powered by estrogen? I'm NASCAR, I'm a NASCAR girl. I'm a NASCAR. No, but tell me this, if you were... A dog like that one. Yeah, if you were going to describe

the kind of car that a douche would drive, what would it? A bicycle. A car? Like a $30,000 millionaire kind of guy. Oh, what, yeah, okay. Do they drive, do they drive BMWs? In my head, that's what I imagined. That's a very specific type of,

I think douchebags could drive anything. Yeah, that's called being mature. Okay. You don't define people you hate by things like their car or their clothes or their choice. It's slip-not songs that they like. It could be, you learn as you grow up, it could be anybody. And in fact, almost everybody is a douchebag and a, almost, almost. It's not just limited to that one person. It is in fact everybody. Oh, lightning.

That's what you learn, including you yourself are also a douchebag. I suppose I have some growing to do. You need to go think about your life. Oh, man. I've been doing enough of that. Thank you. Okay, next.

A drone has rescued two people from rough seas off the coast of Australia. Yeah. Lifeguard's testing out new drone technology and men are women. They got to save. Who was saved? No, I think there were two like who's two boys. Yeah, they're like teenagers, I think, or something.

They weren't even that worse people to save. They weren't even that far off. Sure, I don't think. Lifeguards testing out new drone technology in Australia have saved two people stranded off the coast of New South Wales state as spotted by courts. The drone footage shows a bird's eye view of the ocean before the drone ejects the yellow flotation device, which inflates when it hits the water. The two teenage boys were caught about 700 meters, which is 0.4 miles offshore at Lennox

head. It's a ways. And it's well. Half a mile offshore. Um, and it's well about. I'm sure you've got. Thank you. If you got current coming out, I could. No problem.

I could do that when I was a teenager. Those guys are going to get made fun of until they kill themselves. No, no, you're right. I was, I was, I don't remember why I read that much shorter, but that's a lot longer than I imagined. They were able to grab onto the flotation device and swim to shore. So I just...

Their hands weren't too busy jerking each other off. No. Have I ever told the story? I was in Hawaii and I saw these kids get their life, their raft blown into the ocean, and then they chased after it. Like they swam, because they don't want to lose their big toys.

Yeah. So they swam after it, like for it, very uncomfortably long time. Oh, and it just kept, and it was strong wind blowing. Yeah, it kept blowing, and then they got out there, and they realized that they were really totally fucked, and that they shouldn't have,

they were probably about a half mile out. Wow. No life cards or anything. I was probably the one watching it sickly from my room, and then their parents came out. I was too high up to do anything though. Did their parents freak out? Yes.

Oh my God. Parents freaked out big time. They all half of the parents, the dumb ones jumped into the water. That's good stuff. These are the kinds of stories that coach needs to hear. About parenting? Yes, about your kids trying to kill themselves. Yeah, and these were grown up kids.

They had probably been yelled at for not losing the rafts. Like the parents probably did it in the first place by yelling at them too much for maybe losing the raft. So the dumb parents get in and swim about 20 feet out and then realize that they're too fat. So this is like the kids are out there screaming and they're like drowning and their stuff's, well, the stuff is still blowing out into the wind

and I'm drinking a Cosmo on the balcony. Did the kids catch the raft when they realized they were really far out? No, as the rafts blew out, the kids had to get on less and less rafts because they all had rafts at the beginning. Yeah. They all had like,

it was like five kids with five rafts. And as it was like 10 little, five little Indians, as the rafts would blow away, they would only be able to get one of them. So more and more, like it went from five to three to two. So then you had five kids on one raft, it was sinking. Yeah. So they had to like push each other off

to maintain the buoyancy. So that's like, Cuban immigrants. The stupid parents go out, realize that they can't do it, realize their impotence. So then they're just standing there shouting at the kids, like, well, don't drown, like dumb shit.

The other parents ran and got some lifeguards, the smart parents. Yeah, get the professionals. Yeah, and they went out there in the boat and got them and picked them up. It was thrilling. It was thrilling television program. How long did it, like, five, seven minutes?

Something like that? No, no, no, no, no, no, this, I was, for like a half hour. Oh, I do it because their progression into very deep water took a long time. Oh, okay. They were just swimming this whole time? They didn't have anything to help them float. They had the rafts.

But as I was saying, as they lost their rafts, they had to get on less and less rafts, so they would sink and they would have to start like shoving each other off. Very interesting. It was very interesting. Well, it sounds terrifying. I probably was.

I would have a nightmare about that. They should have had drones. They should have had drones. Okay, last one. NYPD Union sues to stop release of all body cam footage because it violates officer civil rights. What? You want me to repeat the whole thing?

Yeah, so the cops are suing. NYPD is suing to stop the release of all body cam footage because it violates officer civil rights. There's another, so there's a problem with that statement in itself and then I also have a problem with... Wait, why is it violates? Why is it violates their civil rights. There's another, so there's a problem with that statement in itself, and then I also have a problem with why is it why is it why is it why is it violate their civil rights? Well, they've got I can get into it in here. The largest police unit in New York City is suing Mayor Bill de Blasio in order to stop the release of any and all body cam footage obtained by officers with the New York City police department. They filed the lawsuit on January 9 claiming that the release of police body camera footage

amounts to a violation of N.Y.P.D. officer civil rights. Realize upon the contention that three specific releases of body camera footage by the City of New York constitutes a violent thing to keep saying the same thing over and over again. Ames to hold all further releases. Why? It doesn't even say why. I would think they would want that because Ames to hold all further releases. Why? It doesn't even say why. I would think they would want that because they want to be doing bad shit.

That's why. Well, I'm looking for their defense, like their explanation as to why they think it's, here we go. Silver rights law, 58 prohibits, respondents from releasing records used to evaluate a police officer's performance toward continued employment or promotion that are under the control of any police agency Unless they have secured a court order permitting them to do so. I feel like that doesn't make any sense. Yeah A polite society is an armed society. Have you ever heard that? I think it polite society is also a Have you ever heard that? I think it polite society is also a cam body cam society.

I might walk around with a fake body cam from now on. I'm gonna get one of those helmets that has a GoPro holder on the top and I'm just gonna walk around with that all the time. I don't care that it looks stupid, is it will stop people, it will stop people from being discurteous to me. Because the second they are, bam, straight on the internet.

Go. I would love to do that. Yeah, I don't understand. Like, it was a long article and I tried to condense it down and I don't really think I did a good job. But I just, to me, there's no downside to having body cam. And like trying to defend against hiding it away just seems very like,

how could you not be nefarious in doing that? Those are the people that I want to have body cams on the most. In fact, only just get, be a, come on guys, put it. And I think it helps them too. Because then everybody could see, then everybody could see what colossal pieces of shit pops have to deal with all day every day. It's going to help them more than it's going to hurt them. I think it will help them in like the public eye too. That's what I mean, like the,

a lot of police stations release footage because there's an uproar, he said, she said shit, and they put it out, they said, no, this is what happened. They intentionally release them sometimes. And it's like uproar, he said, she said shit and they put it out, they said, no, this is what happened. They intentionally released them sometimes and it's like, oh yeah, the guy fucking deserved it. They need better PR. Like they could be putting out daily.

Here's the top 1000 total pieces of shit that the cops had to deal with in America today, all from Bodycam. And it's a great idea. A obnoxious drunk motherfucker, like spitting on a cop or lipping off to a cop. And it would be, all the comments would be, this person needs to be killed.

Please, now I look at all the restraint this cop is showing. Like it would make them look like human beings. I know. Instead of the PR that they do now, which is terrible. Yeah, terrible. No idea how to, how to, this looks terrible. Yeah. Just man, put a clip reel with fork sound effects out there and like give the cops some

one liners that they get like some zingers or they could get like a funny version of John Walsh or something. Commentary Bart already laying. Yeah. That'd be funny. Yeah. I've got a friend who's a cop who says that he loves having his camera on. Cause he knows he's not gonna do anything.

He knows he's going to act like he's supposed to. I read that they're more likely to shoot if they've got body cams on. Really? Yeah, because they're... What are how long could that have been studied for? I don't know, since body cams exist. Well, it was like a study that said,

on police force, I mean, there's volunteering ones too, that they goes way back. I mean, I don't know, I just read the, I actually read the first paragraph on this one. No, I'm pretty good. I was saying that because they know that what they're doing is justified,

sorry Timothy Olyphant, they are more likely to shoot because they know that they're doing is justified, sorry Timothy Olyphant, they are more likely to shoot because they know that they're following procedure and that the camera will back them up. Yeah. Anyway, that was interesting. So if you want less criminals, let's get these fucking body.

More body cams mean more executions by the state. I never mind about me running their PR. That's the truth. All right, right. I got a bit from Sriracha. She's sending about Heather. You remember Heather, the reporter? Yes. I do. Have you read the Heather part of the lawsuit? No, I don't think so. Unless it's been gone over by one of the lawyers. It's very disturbing. Yeah. Yeah. This reporter Heather targets the female executives of Weber Shandwick sends them this non non accurate synopsis of esterios being on this

show pulls quotes from like deep inside men are better than women in the book. Oh, I've seen. Yeah. I've seen the picture that Heather put together of the quotes. Yeah. Yes. And it's like a picture of the quote. And then me and Assyrio's laughing in black and white. Yep. Yep. No. Have you ever known a reporter who would do something like that?

With the same font that Maddox uses, coincidentally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it could be any number of reasons for that. You know, the most likely of which is a guy with spaghetti brains is only knows that one.

Yeah. The episode where he was talking about Santa Cuck, like the striped shirt that he was wearing. Yeah, totally unrelated. Totally unrelated. Totally the quote and the quotes from men or better than women. Yeah. Like from deep inside men or better than women. Anyway, here's a Heather Bitt for you.

Thank you for the news, Jamie. JamelyHewes.com for meal plans and workout plans that are tremendous. This is the fittest I've been in my entire life. Your whole life? Yeah. It might not look like it, but inside it is. It's not always about what's on the outside.

Not always. When the outside looks like shit, and then it's what's, then it's the inside that matters. I am doing a deal right now, by the way. What's your deal? Two months, one for free. Two for three. All right, that's a good deal. It's like the show. Give you two hours for the price of one. Sometimes three. Yeah. Yeah. Like today.

New from the makers of My First Legal summons comes just like you Heather, the SJW slash journalist who really is just like you. Heather wants to be your best friend, so she'll track down the people calling you mean names on the internet to tattle down them to their employers, even when there's nothing in for her. Just like you, Heather has spelling skills on par with a third grader. She also regularly miss spells the name of the magazine

that she does to the class and really going to work for. Just like you Heather comes with a ton of awesome accessories like a brush, shoes, and an email address that automatically forwards all correspondence between her and your former friends and employers straight your inbox so you can use it as evidence for your lawsuit. Isn't that like totally convenient? Just like you Heather is the best best friend of X-Aceus Litigant could ask for, from photoshopping quotes from Dick Masterson onto photos of esterios that look eerily similar to content on your website about eating animals to her allergy to proofreading. Just like you Heather is destined to be your BFFL because she truly

suspiciously is just like you. Official content asks email anything to prove that she's real and a non-fucked up office address full separately. Yeah. You know what the most interesting part of that Heather debacle is? What's that? So check this out. There's a dude on Kiwi Farms brought this to my attention.

That's where the deep autism lies. Kiwi Farms. I mean, that is a compliment. So I heard deep, deep, deep in there. The address that Heather gave Weber Shandwick for her place of employment was four Tim Square, right? I'm sure she meant Times Square. She's just a reporter. She's busting so many stories wide open. Right, right? I'm sure she meant Times Square. She's just a reporter, she's busting so many stories wide open. Right, right. She doesn't have time to spell check her signature and the signature of her email

that goes out to thousands of people. And out of the country, I was signed. No one would have alerted her that her email signature has a wrong edge, has a misspelling in it. The fucking email signature they fucked up. Cosmetics and his girlfriend are too stupid to live.

How stupid do you have to be? Stupid do you have to be. Okay, here's what's funny about it. It's not even the correct address for Conda Nass where she says that she works. It's called the Condenast Building. It's referred to as the, but people write a memorial in space.

But they moved out completely in 2011. So if you Google Condenast Building, you get this address that they didn't even spell right, but it's also not where they fucking work. Who figured this out? How's that for irony? A guy on Kiwi Farge. Just my.

Just God. Just kill themselves. Just fucking kill themselves. That's the best one yet. It's the best one yet. All right, everybody, this has been the Dick Show. Thedickshow.com, head over to dickles.lowl to get yours. You can buy many, many beautiful, wonderful things.

Are you taking dickles for your work out thing? I am not taking, I already have more dickles than most people have so it's not enough. It's not enough You should always always more the food I can buy right now is dickles is pizza and so until the pizza Well, that's all you need it's at all the major food groups milk. It works. It works against what I'm trying to hear. All right. Go to patreon.com slash the dick show to watch the video. Very great, wonderful video today. I took the time to set settings differently so everyone looks amazing, except Sean. You look a little bit washed out. Sorry. I am washed out. You're washed out. I am this white. And get the bonus episode where we talk about episode 17.

It's great. Listening to the old biggest problem episodes is really interesting, uncut like that. Well, you know, I mean, I have all of them. Yeah. I gotta wait till this trademark shit goes away. Yeah. Wait, do you want to talk about the Be More Fuckable Challenge? Yeah, what is it? It's the white, the white lost thing that we were Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. The fans. Yeah, you're running that. The Be More Focouable Yes. Challenge. And what do people have to do? Well, okay, so what we are going to do is we're going to put a thread. I guess I'll go ahead and do this. I'll put a thread on Facebook and a thread on Reddit. Okay. Hopefully we can get them pinned. I'll pin the other, the first one on Facebook and then I'm sure I can figure out how to

get it pinned on Reddit as well for a couple days. But it's only going to be photo based because we don't know how many people want to be involved in doing all the measurements and everything like that. Takes up too much time. Yeah, we're going to laugh at everyone's photo though. That's the secret. So in the threads, you want to post a front photo of you with a paper, like a newspaper, which just proving the date

and because we know how dickheads are into fuckery. And then a photo from the side and one from the back. Wait, wait, wait, wait, I got a better idea. Yeah. OK, this is how we're going to judge this. It's the worst picture to the best picture, the best improvement. So you post a picture of yourself,

and then three months later, if you're playing this game, you have to post another picture. And the biggest improvement of votes, one from Facebook, one from Reddit, will win the prize. So you gotta take an extra disgusting, it behooves you to take an extra gross slouch over a picture up front, because then there's a higher likelihood that you'll

win the wonderful prize. Yeah. Okay. Which we don't know what it is yet. I figured out. We'll figure it out. Yeah. So it's going to be three months just photo based. Yeah. Pretty simple. Maybe I'll pay for your ticket to a road rage. Would that be a nice prize? That would be a very nice prize. It would be a nice prize, right? Just airfare, not lodgings. No, no, no, that's airfare.

It was like the main impediment. Yeah, anyway, I mean, this is- Maybe I'll do that. Whoever wins the be more fuckable contest, maybe I'll do that. Now, we're talking about the fitness one right now, but we also talked about one that we wanted to make more long range, which was the

Not now. I need it now. I only want to concentrate on this right now. Okay. Three months gross picture to best most more Fuckable picture. I'm gonna do it too. Okay, so I'm gonna eat a bunch of pizzas today and then take a picture tonight like David They'll make David Hasselhoff look like Margaret Thatcher or Princess Diana. That's a better reference. So we're going to go get a newspaper. Go on for a race. Yeah. Okay.

A newspaper. Yeah. So you can see the date. So you can see the date. Well, if they're going to go through that kind of effort. Okay. A newspaper. A newspaper.

Yeah. That's the hardest part. I got to go buy a newspaper. But it's the hardest part of the channel. It's the hardest part. Those porno papers come out pretty often, but they don't have, all right, a newspaper, a newspaper. Okay, everybody, you've been listening to the Dixia. See you next Tuesday. This is the Cuckold Prison Blues song by Ethan Cantrell.

Alright. I hear the dickheads coming, the rolling round the bend, and I ain't seen a Patreon, and I don't know when, well I'm stuck in such cold prison, I think I ruined my life Well, I'll just sit here watching somebody flip my mind When I was just a baby, my mama told me son

But baby, my mama told me son Never mess around with another man's reputation Person who are professional Don't be that kind of guy Well when I hear my little moaning I hang my head in bright I bet this dick is jumping into the fancy cars The driving across the USA travel in white and far I'll just see that asshole doing his road rage lies

When I go broken hungry, at least I still have kindle and high Now why just for God's sake, if they tuned into the new show They jumped into the bay They hit me under the YouTubers mutually masterbate They're so funny. It's just YUMMING SO. But when the biggest problem ended, So did my real love it. Well, I guess that don't work. I guess I can sue somebody for $20 million.

Well, very good. Let me see here. Oh, I'll play the Facebook news. I love that. Oh, yeah. You know, he's got all his news archive now. So you can go back, Captain Jackass, I'll have all his news.

You can go listen to the whole playlist. Cool. Hello, Dick and hello, Dick Hads. This is the Facebook group news from last Wednesday. Sebastian Daylachidena is using two of his company's top tier computers to mind cryptocurrency. He is concerned about being fired, but once Dick Hads reassured him it wasn't a big deal. Sebastian devised a plan to speak with the IT guys at work and is conveniently leaving the browsers open to relevant mining pages. While the IT guys have noticed these pages and begun conversation, Sebastian is still

trying to work them over. Next up is Adam Cooper, who has fallen in love with a hooker. They have yet to bang because Adam is apprehensive about banging a hooker. However, he is okay with making out with her. Adam needed advice and was concerned that he might be a cuck now. But he's willing to overlook it since she feeds him smokes beer and drugs. Dick had told Adam to get tested, called him a depressed data mail, and even Larry made an appearance to tell Adam she's a damaged person and a guaranteed liability. No, you got to date that. That's what we have Casey Kelly, the newest meme in the group and the hottest topic as of right now. Casey was a former member of the Dixiel Facebook group who months ago made a post calling

everybody ugly. The thread blew up and Casey raged with the group. Fast forward to Wednesday and Casey reappears with a photo of himself and a luscious set of cans. He has dickheads to raid the cans situation and instead, dickheads didn't forget about Casey's last moments in the group and proceeded to go on for 300 comments goofing on him. This included photoshop pictures of Casey next to assholes, maddocks, penises, and pictures of esterios.

Casey responded by showing off his Instagram and bragging about likes, to which Dickheads brutalized him in the leaving the group yet again. This makes two folks in total for Casey. Both resulted in him leaving the group in a combined 600 comments between the folks. I spoke with Casey privately who has big plans for a comeback and has a massive reveal for the dickheads on face. Oh wow, very exciting. It's so exciting.

The Big Show Facebook group. Wonderful. The last one. Wonderful job, Captain Jackass. Always does. Audio gets worse every week. But that's only tremendous job. I thought that was a little bit of an improvement.

Are you doing it that static? A little bit. Please fix that. I'll take that out. I'll see you here. Take that out. Chris Hides has the no come guy. You remember the guy who sent in the advice question

on the bonus episode 20 asking, Jamie, you give him a chick tip on that. I'm very glad. He keeps boning and he can't get off. Yeah. So we gave him some advice on that. I don't think your tip was that great actually that he needs to concentrate on his lover instead of himself. No come, no come guy masturbation.

Here's another guy give him a tip. Masturbation with live bro, high friction masturbation makes you less sensitive I think you sing stop masturbating Joey W 69 probably has a lot of sex to the guy that had the problem getting off I had the same problem for a while and I have something for you to try stop jacking off for a while You've got to train your body to be turned to be tuned to a woman's body your body to be turned, to be tuned to a woman's body instead of your gorilla hands and sandblasting your dick off. Be warned though, your problem will be inverted and you'll be down to like five minutes until

you pop one off. So he'd probably welcomed that at least the first few times. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Dejante, he replied in the comments saying, okay, I'll try this out. He says, I'm surprised that Jamie's advice in the episode, though, I try my damnedest to please my partner in the sack and sadly, that doesn't help either. So there you go.

Of course, he tried, we all try. You just can't ever please them. It's a sad fact of reality. There's no pleasing woman in any way. In bed, emotionally, financially, especially. Ideologically, can't please them. Philosophically, you can't. It's just never enough. It's never enough. So that's part of maturing as well. mature as well. Um, um,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,�a uh,�a�a�a�a�a and won't tell you what it's about until you ask him what he's laughing about. So like you're out of bars. That's usually girls.

You're getting some drinks and you have that one friend who can't put his fucking phone down. And you can hear like the pop on Twitter when you're just constantly refreshing. That's a bit sexist of you. Just my experience. He's fucking eyes, poke up, looking around. Anyone gonna ask me? Anyone gonna ask me what I'm laughing about.

So he's fucking put his eyes back down the phone. And you want to say I have to make lucky charms. And now he won't fucking tell me what's funny until someone says, what's so funny, bro? And of course, it's nothing that funny. It's a fucking meme. It's just a fucking picture. It's a stupid tweet.

And that's all it is. It's never anything that's truly groundbreaking. Is use this joke as if it's his own. And he can't fucking do it himself. He has no confidence in himself. Where he can just do it. He's gonna sit and spread that. First of all, you've got no confidence in yourself. That's what's disturbed me the most. Oh, it's true though. And then when you do ask, they immediately write you off and invalidate your career.

I said, oh, I mean, it's nothing. It's nothing. I've started stifling my last year now because I'm self-conscious about that. About laughing, or nothing? About the idea of like, now there's like this weird thing to where either somebody has to ask what it was or I have to like offer it up. about the idea of like, now there's like this weird thing to where either somebody has to ask what it was

or I have to like offer it up. Yeah. But sometimes I just laugh. I know I'm in a fight with someone when I refuse to ask, when they're like, oh my God, you fucking bitch, I'm not gonna ask you what that was, because I don't care. I'm doing my own thing over here.

I got plenty of funny shit over here fuck you cram it up your ass it is very annoying that never happens hey dick rager here just listen to you have voted five and uh... you know one place cat Williams voices great and uh... his wife loving that the ryan renttleds voice

i got a better one i dated a girl back in high school who love the smegel for more the rain all the process all the process love for sure that one of his getting hard what is the I'm not a professor. I'm a professor. Love the Shrelro's back for it. I wonder if he's getting hard while he's doing it. Where'd it go? I dated this chick for six months. And it got to a point that she would only fuck me

if I talk to her in the sniggle more. I'm a professor. Nego voice Hey, yeah, it was weird. Thanks to the next tattoo Do I need a couple beers I do a lot of a couple beers. I got I want an update on that I said it invoice you. Oh fuck you speaking of tattoos What are we gonna get the David Klaig one? What's a I got I want an update on that. Send it in voice too. Oh, fuck you. Speaking of tattoos. What? Are we gonna get the David Klaig one? What's a, oh yeah, what's going on with Kimble?

I don't know, I haven't heard anything from it. He's been too busy pretending to be a reporter for Israel. He's gonna try and slide that one by. If you don't. Israel with an apostrophe. Wow, that's among the weirder voices. Imagine having to put on a performance like that. Because it's not only the voice, you also got to come up with the dialogue as golem.

Because he pluralizes things. Yeah. Yeah, you got to invent dialogue on the fly. Because when you're banging, you know what you want to say, it's very easy. But imagine having to pretend to be golem from Lord of the Rings. What do you, you can't say like, oh yeah, that's good to fuck me like that.

Like he doesn't say that kind of stuff. I assume he does not. So you gotta talk about, you gotta talk about like chicken bones and stuff. Like hobbits. Everyone's gonna all make the- Oh my god. You're all gagging the week's hours.

Yeah, right. God, what a pain in the ass. You gotta sit down and like, and write a script every time you wanna plow. She's probably doing that. She's probably not a Disney fan like it. She's putting more hoops for you to jump through. Yeah, really?

Go put on your smagel costume. Like, ah, fuck. Go do all the makeup. Go put on the makeup. Put on those balls. Stop eating so much. Put on the rotoscope balls. Skinny enough.

Forget it. I don't even want to sex anymore. Fuck you. Or at least pick like a fun, you got to negotiate. Maybe she would like another muppet that's more fun to do. Yeah, I could do the counting bed. No, I'm sure.

Should every time. Yeah, one, two, three, ah, ah, ah, like all day, I could do that and enjoy myself. Yeah, oh no, enjoy myself. Be more fun for you. I mean, I would probably be like, You don't even need a girl there to enjoy yourself doing that all day long.

It's true, I don't need a girl. At all. I've got Consuelo or anything. Yeah, I could just be sitting being the count, masturbating. I'm bed. You got it. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, You guys want to fucking piss off the living sea else. I don't even fucking tell you anything else about myself and you know that that fucking triggered me. How the fuck are you gonna bitch about the fact that that fucking minorities and shit are

getting in? We fucking, is that guy like totally retarded in that he fucking doesn't realize there be a like fucked black people and minorities by destroying their fucking education? Oh and okay So we're gonna let people in that are a little maybe a little dumber or a little farther But aren't quite as far on the fucking path to education is as fucking white people Yeah, that's how you fucking help people bring people back up, dude That's how you fucking slowly try to correct for things like gym fucking pro

Which is there are people who are who are a part of fucking Jim crow that is a very ignorant fucking opinion and I get it it sucks when you're in that opinion I'm not fucking guy my fucking parents made way too much fucking money for me to get any type of fucking academic scholarship so I fucking at the pay my way through a shit ten ecology that I didn't even fucking get a degree because I have way through fucking college realize this shit is fucking dumb Why the fuck am I here? I'm way too fucking smart for this Oh, you think black people should do it though No college fucking college is never done shit for me. So I get it. It's fucking sucks But don't fucking blame the minorities man, and you know what?

That's fine. You don't win fucking Nobody's like nobody's like nobody's like nobody's like nobody's like nobody's like nobody's like I'm so impressed by his altruism Yeah, colleges dumb send all the minorities. Yeah, I'm too smart for it. It's fine for them Pull pulls comes good for you guys. I got the pool my own intellect to swim Was that Alex Olivia patronizing? I don't remember. I don't know. I don't think anyone's blaming the minority for a academic.

It's not crime. No, I'd take advantage of it if I could. I did. Yeah. I mean, I took somebody's spot, sucks to be them. I doubt. What? I doubt you took somebody's spot.

Of course I did. I put I doubt you took somebody's spot. Of course I did. I put Mexican on the college application. I got in. My scores are at least average, perhaps a little less than average. I wouldn't believe in a million years that I didn't get a bump because of the Mexican shit because I have myself been bumped from things because I'm not a woman. I have been bumped from like whatever like stupid seminar shit that I don't care about but some people means their career like where you get a hushed you get pulled over and in a hushed town you told look.

We got a bump up the diversity numbers for this thing so we're gonna swap you out. diversity numbers for this thing. So we're gonna swap you out. I hope please don't go on Twitter with that information because you will be crucified. So I don't get to worry. I don't not allowed on Twitter. Don't worry, I'm banned. Don't worry, I'm banned from just being a regular guy. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. This is another and a long succession of me being a regular dude, but I will gab the shit out of it. Yeah, I know him. Okay. It is, it does suck for them. It's, it's a nice idea that he's got, but like when it's,

when it's your, when you, you're not getting the promotion and you think, well, is there even a slight chance that I got this is because of my race while I'm going to diversity seminars every fucking day and the company's constantly telling me how important that is. Should I internalize, should I synthesize that data into meaning that there is any way that even slightly race could have been a factor in my hiring or promotion?

I guess there's no one I can ask, so I'll just slowly, let's all just slowly ferment into a murderous rage. Yeah. Did you hear about the chick who sued the University of Texas for affirmative action? Tom Fulery? No. Yeah. It's kind of Tom Fulery. Like she claimed, and I actually actually I don't know how this ended but she claimed that her spot was given to a minority When it was rightfully hers because she's a woman. She's a Ultimate joke. Oh, yeah, okay. We'll we'll not do any affirmative action Congratulations. We gave your spot to an Asian man. Yeah And so she she took him to court and sometimes I wonder if it was her or her parents who were like really pushing for this, but the whole thing was came off very embarrassing.

For who? For her. Oh. Like because most people were saying, oh, well, like take a look at her scores and detailing all of the ways in which she was like, should not have made it in. Oh, okay. Yeah. And so it ended up being very embarrassing, but I don't know, just made me think of that. Some people don't understand the premise. Oh, somebody said it went to the Supreme Court tested.

Jim, did he just say Jim Crow laws in there? Yeah. Yeah. You remember those? I don't think I did. I didn't do those. Did I not saying emancipation. Well, he should do them. Sean, no, but he's saying people are still alive who live through, you know, the Jim Crow self. Really? Yeah, I mean, Jim Crow went well into the 1500s. Yeah, that's 50s. Oh, this one is pretty interesting. Oh, yeah. Hey, Dick, I just want to say at the end of your last episode When you're talking about how street porn is slowly staking out the money shot. Yeah, well

I just want to add the gay man gay porn has been doing that for years. It's fucking bullshit So the past like fucking four years now they've been splitting these quit these videos up in the fucking eight minute like Cliffs as fucking jerk off to you and like it's not even good and then right when it gets to the money shot it just fucking tells you the exact same thing a screen porn does where it says like fucking oh shit well I guess you have to pay if you want to watch this guy come with other guys asshole to make it look good and make you fucking get your rock stuff in whatever but yeah that's what makes me rage. I love, I love that we have a gay listener who talks like that. Yeah, he doesn't know that at all.

I didn't know that it existed. No, it all exists. I just, whoa, now he's really blown. Right. Just the whole like gay man is right. The fuck attitude. Oh, yeah. Instead, you get a nice funny boner, funny boner in your cock

when you're trying to get off and they don't give you that money shot. Mm, very frustrating. Can't have nice things. Dude, what the fuck is up with the factory settings on TVs where like the dialogue is way quieter than the music. And so you're listening, you're watching something and you have to like change the volume up and down, you know, like...

He's right. I'm sure like... Sean maybe Sean can help me out because he's an audio guy or I could just look up How to fix the setting room a TV. No, there's no settings you can fix it's fucked It's just the way like certain things are things are just so fucking compressed and then it goes through That mean Dynamically compressed so they're all the same level. Yeah, basically, but it's not, but you can't do your shit for dialogue. You got to ride the goddamn volume in entire movie. Yeah, but I got these beautiful speakers that I can't use because it's so frustrating.

I don't know. I think a lot of those, they don't care how the stereo mix goes down. Like if you're watching a movie, because those things are mixed for theater, right? I mean, they DVDs. They do a lot of, they do a lot of mixing, but I know there's, I have noticed that too. I haven't delved into it, but I noticed that the mixes just watched on a regular TV from, yeah, DVDs or Netflix or whatever. Yeah.

A lot of the audio is terrible. A lot of, and the dialogue is usually down. I mean, and I don't know if it's, I don't know how many stages it goes through, and I don't know if like, you know, radio stations have like broadcast limiters, right? So it doesn't, that's why things sound so different on the radio as opposed to off the CD. Well, yeah, but you're not listening to a bunch of shit explode and gunshots in addition to your radio guy talking about immigration.

I don't know, I don't know at what point or even on, you know, regular TV if they show a movie on TV. Cause I don't really at what point or even on regular TV if they show a movie on TV, because I don't really mix for TV that much. So it's like fucking frustrating. I know what you mean. You started and you got to start it low, but the second people talk, it's like, I have no idea what that idiot said. Yeah, and then the music gets really loud.

Really loud. It's like the, yeah. And for every, it's like there's something, like hammering the center channel where the dialogue would come out of down. And that's what it's, that's the product. Yeah. Is watching the movie on Netflix through an okay,

sound system, like an okay, sound system that didn't just come with the TV, which is a self still fuck. It should hold up on a laptop. If you, if you can't watch a movie on a laptop, you're not, of course, you're not going to get the way and the, and the, and the, and the, and the rumble of those, you know, of the, I just want to be able to hear. Well, no, that's it. But the dialogue, the cardinal sin in anything with dialogue is burying the dialogue.

Yeah. The dialogue is always the most important. For every, what are you doing over there? Why are you talking? For every dollar they spend on like, whatever, the rating system that we have to, it's here about all the time, they can go fuck themselves, it's like, I can't even hear it. I need a separate system of how annoyed am I going to be

listening to this on a DVD? Yeah. Is this this whole system of shit that doesn't work for men? Cause there's not one single goddamn man there that's just saying, oh, is this what we're releasing? I'm gonna take it home and play it on my TV. Come back to work the next day. Hey, all of you Hollywood guys,

can you stop molesting chicks for a second and listen? I mean, I can't fucking hear this DVD. I can't hear it. I took it home and actually tried to do it, but I can't. Because the animated shows never seem to suffer from this. No, because they don't have all the crazy special effects. So it depends.

But yeah, no, of course, if even universe doesn't, they just got people jumping into pussies. Yeah, but you're right. You're right, the big scores, all of a sudden, yeah, it happens. Fuck, there's a lot of annoying I need to give that by the way posted the pussy jumping in yes, that was so It's a hundred percent what it is it is and they're talking about

Using like it's boning I need to show is fucked up. I need to see that there's a video. We can pull up okay Two more two more two more Hey, this is Jason from New York. I'm calling. Well, I'm at my job right now in an office. I had a duck into a side conference room to make the phone call. But I'm reaching the bonus episode and I just finished the part with Dickhead who can't finish during sex.

And I can tell you right now that it's a problem that I suffer from too, that I suffered from. And I can tell you that it's because he probably master based too much. The reason being is that science or science of sex can replicate the same amount of pressure that you can put on your deck with your hand. So it makes like, you know, the giant just can't do that unless you're, I don't know, fucking like, you know. Fitness and stretching. With Jada. So, you know, with the dickhead, just not jerking off so much. And his problem will probably fix itself, because honestly, if you go with day or two,

you can just bust right away. There you go. Sorry. It's true. Get to that meeting. Don't, yeah, and I'll give back to your meeting. Some chicks talking about God. He couldn't just place that call during the meeting.

Why not? Not safe for women. That call is not safe for women. Talking about normal bodily functions. Talking about our bodily functions as men is too gross for women. Talking about sharing knowledge and experience and dealing with our shame and growing mostly.

Is that what the kids call in nowadays? What? Sharing your knowledge and experience. Sharing our knowledge and experiences. Are you trying to make a gay joke? Yes. Because that guy will call in and really chew you out. So a daregan.

Too, too, too To not say for women. Not say for women. We should be able to talk about our ejaculations anytime we want. It's scientific procedure about the procreation. Women can live their gross, egg fried egg tits out and feed anointing little babies. And this guy can't talk about not jerking off too much of work. There's an ass outrageous

Screegers if I see if I see a woman If I see a woman breastfeeding I'm starting I'm talking about drinking off immediately. That's my policy That's my new policy. Yeah, are you talking about it or just doing it? Just talk, I don't want to go to jail. I'm gonna talk about it. First, I tell it, then I'll show it. It's your first. I don't know, if I run out of material and she's not done, I might start doing it. She's on the clock. That baby's on the clock.

The jack-off clock. Okay. All right. Oh, that'll just happen. The jack off clock. Maybe two more. Hey, Dick, I was calling to address Sean's concern about that army veteran who had the scalpel in his hip for four years.

I heard of that. Yeah. Well, I can't speak to that exact situation I wouldn't thought doctors were competent to and there's no way they'd miss something like that Once I kicked a soccer ball it felt like I got hit by a truck and the next day I went to the doctor And he said you're a little young to be having hit pain and Then they all had a good chuckle. Yeah. The jokes are free. Like, they should cost more time with 12 different doctors who all pulled me in the same

joke over about a year and a half, graverging one doctor per month. And all of them said the same thing. Two to four weeks. You'll be right as rain. Oh, god damn. People love talking about the medical ailment. What are they called out of her? I demanded an MRI because the rest of them are just like, oh, go left on the stretch.

Or I don't know, take a lot of drugs, take these opioids. So I did a lot of that, and that was fun, but it didn't fix my problem. So I get the MRI, they give you a little disc, took it home, popped it on my computer, never read an MRI in my life, started doing a little scrawly wheel. I see this big blob where the pain was.

I was like, nah, winner. Go back the next day to get my doctor consults. He comes in ulterioride because he's some young young doctor who's clearly never had a tell anyone they had cancer. And he told me like a little bitch. He's making a situation way worse because that's embarrassing and I'm confident and crying. Yeah. Like 100% believe doctors would totally miss a scalpel for a year. Oh, no, it happens. Hope that helps, Sean. I'll be an ex-buse date.

Well, just to, I mean, guys, guys, can't say, tell me I'm right. Yes. Is that the sound you're right? I guess, but yeah, well, hopefully things worked out all right, but. Oh, yeah, no. No, he just left that. So the cancer definitely didn't just go away. What? He just left that voicemail. Oh, but I wonder, well, he might have been telling a story

from a while ago. Oh, maybe so. Hopefully it's on. So it did work on. Yeah. Let me see if I got one more. No, that's it. Hey everybody. You guys got any questions? Does found the video of the fusion. Oh, it's fucked. What's fucked? Do you want to see it, Sean? She sent me a link.

You want me to pull it up? Put it in the chat so I can just click it. Oh, okay. Well, you can't, you can't click a, I guess you can highlight it. I'll figure it out. Yeah, you're smart, dude. It starts at when?

One minute, two seconds. Okay, so this is what they do before they do their, their combining. Okay, okay. Synchronize. It's so smart. Look at that. She's covering his eyes, so she knows it's so fun. Look at that. She's covering his eyes so she knows it's erotic. Yeah. She totally is. Mm-hmm.

Just blot shot. Look at that she's transfixed by the sexuality on display. Now she's getting horny. Yeah. Aggressively so. Now she's thrusting her hips. The big ones thrusting her hips right into the pussy Jump right into the pussy

That's crazy Now she's being a big monster And not only that but that she like covered his eyes and then she totally Jumped right into her pussy. She opened her legs, preparing herself after she got finished doing this weird thing. Everyone who sees that is only going to come to the same conclusion. Yeah, even go, well, that's just John.

That's your deal. That's your problem. Like that's how there's no way kids see that. And I think the other thing is. It's really bizarre. Apparently the creators of the show blatantly say that yes, they are doing these things on purpose to try to instill values in small children. Oh, that's right.

And then there was this thing where they were talking about like the fusion thing happened unwillingly. So it was like this weird thing about rape. Okay, so you know how they squished together and became that bigger Voltron thing? Yeah, yeah. I'm putting everything that happens to this show in boys cartoon terms, because that's what I understand.

The way they Voltron like that, in another episode, one of these broads tricks another one into Fusing like that, and keeps insisting that they have to do it And then the other one gets pissed off because she went tricked into fusing Yeah, the other one is like I had to do it like has a breakdown because it just makes me feel good Talking about there's a cartoon where somebody is raped Yeah I did watch a lot of it though. Oh, yeah.

Weirdly entertaining. It's so weird she like covers his eyes. Yeah. There you go. All right. Goodbye.