The Dick Show - Episode 88 - Dick on Blue Balls

Episode Date: February 6, 2018

The bikini chicks from Ivan "Ironman" Stewart's Super Off-Road, Western Feminism intersects with Islamic Fundamentalism, eSports "practice", the "fake because", April O'Neil, the endless blue balls of waiting on a single computer part, forgetting your wallet, Jordan Petersen is Al Bundy with statistics, the time I smuggled weed into Belgium, people who see each other driving when they're driving, nymphs are NSFW, Holy Testicle Tuesday, resistance training like a woman, and history with Kian Magaña; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

What's the big deal? I don't know. You're telling me I can eat a guy driving a truck can eat on his job. Keon can eat and court. Yeah, sucks. I'm gonna bring that up. I'm gonna brief the whole thing to the court. Maybe you can object to do process violation of Eta Burrito and court have the judge ask

me what I'm doing. Objects in your honor. Your honor. Your honor. According to the 14th amendment that allows Gays to be married, I can, 100% sure I can eat and court if the guys can get married and bone each other in the butt. All right, I defy you to,

I love the redundancy on that. I should've gone lost. That's your favorite part of that sentence. If day guys can get married and bone each other in the butt because of the 14th amendment, I know that one. I can eat in court. Right. Okay, let's do a show.

Presenting. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You want diggin' diggin' love, Nick? You got it! It's the show where everything is a contest coming to you live from a mountain bunker deep

in the heart of the city of failure. I'm your hostic master's in the 20 million dollar man, the 20 million dollar man. They're going to knock five grand off of that. Now I'm the 19,995,000 dollar man because I just had to write a fucking check to continue defending myself against this lawsuit from the coward known as dying Maddox. So I'm now the 19 million of you. Now, the 19 million dying Maddox, I haven't called him dying Maddox for ever since he's fucking sued me. I guess it's pretty good. He's internalizing it well too. His YouTube station loses like 700 subscribers

every time he posts content. Cause they're all dog, it's all dog. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. What, joining me with me is always Sean, the audio engineer. Hello, deck. Hey, what's up buddy,

and joining us today as well as Keon. Hey, Ravania. Hero, warrior. Keon, Keon, Magania. What, I tell myself to get out of bed in the morning. Oh, yeah, God, few mother fuckers. She's certainly expensive, Keon. Yeah, sorry. And you really, sorry for setting up

with such a great lawyer in New York. Oh, God. It's gonna end up costing me more than I ever made from the biggest problem to get away from it. It's like a gang. Like you get money well spent. I got in, but then Maddox is beating me out by charging me insane amounts of money

to defend myself and my company and my friends and my comedian who work for me, who didn't get served properly, but I'm still gonna take credit for defending Madcugs. It's a gang, you get in, you enjoy the hot times, you enjoy the camaraderie and you enjoy going by name, you don't wanna go by on YouTube when you have to do a terrible live show.

And then they beat you out, they beat your ass out. Oh, you won out? All right, they gotta jump you out. Doesn't even get it. All this money is going to someone else too, not even him. Yeah, it's all going to someone else. You're right, it's just a random person, a random person and a random guy,

Gary Adelman and Sarah Mats and New York ended up with all of the biggest problem money. That's it, the entire for a hundred episodes and not an 18 bonus episodes. It turned out we were just working for them. We was all being done for Gary and say, oh man. They're the only ones who win in the end.

Yeah, only. Everybody who bought a bonus episode just paypal that's straight to them. Yeah. No fucking reason. Oh man, some lawyers are just lucky. Oh. You guys were just the middlemen without taking a cut. Yeah, no fucking reason. Oh man, some lawyers are just lucky. You guys were just the middlemen without taking a cut.

Yeah, we just worked for nothing. I'm talking all about libertarians every episode and how taxation is theft. I'm working for my feudal lord, a lawyer in New York. My female lawyer in New York. Because I don't respect the case. Um, it got, I'm just kidding. Sarah is fantastic. Uh, I got moved to, it got moved to the commercial divisions.

Maybe they're going to give me some money back. I just, uh, just found that out last night, actually, commercial division. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, yeah, I started watching that actually. That's, uh, that's bad news for, um, for the, for the, for the nemes that. Yeah, I started watching that actually. That's bad news for the name. For the Nymesis, yeah. We had fucking news. Yeah, bad news. It's bad news.

They don't see a lot of dog bite lawyers in the commercial division. Sam Sung doesn't send in their kennel crew. No, not unless a dog was like a television star or someone who gets a move. Roproo, Rop, water, see your honor. Well, this defense is rough. Yeah.

With appearances on Dr. Paul, here's your honor. Please allow me to take a bite out of the prosecution. If we could have a brief pause in the new home. Yeah, he's got his own pack of chuckle fuck dogs behind him. Oh, that laugh at everything. Hahaha. And then there's like a sexy collie lawyer who's just trying to prove herself in this male dominated world.

Right. She's all prissy. She's an Ivy League colleague. She has her pedigree, she's got four names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you guys, go ahead, I go running after work, Ally McPiegel. That'll do.

That'll do. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do. That'll be the end of that. Oh my God. Oh, I fucked up.

Keon and I went to see Jordan Peterson. Have you heard of that, man? Yeah. Yeah, he's a lunatic that believes a man evolved from lobsters and that women shouldn't ever leave the kitchen as I understand Jordan Peterson's philosophy. Okay. That's what you'll get from watching the BBC's interview of. Mm.

I'm joking, of course. Do you know anything about Jordan Peterson? Not really. Okay. He's just like a guy who says, he says like normal shit that we all think like, yeah, I mean, but he says it. Yeah, but he says it and he also has a doctorate

in like psychology and sociology. So he always has science to back it up. Like he's the only man on the planet who can talk like Al Bundy and then back it up with science. And then it's like, oh shit, I'm used to people like Al Bundy and Dick Masjors is saying this shit, who just starts shouting and people challenge them. This guy sits there like a Canadian. You've never heard a Canadian trigger people.

Wow, because yeah, you know, they have the stereotype of being just so polite. And he is. Oh yeah, I'm sure. And he sits there and talks like a Canadian and people are like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, start losing their fucking minds and rephrasing what he's saying.

Yeah. And trying to embarrass him at every stage. But he's a, he's a very educated man. And trying to embarrass him at every stage, but he's a very educated man. And very interesting. He just talks about, he talks about like why there's gender differences and what we have in common with other species. And why most of the things we do are not even conscious or unique to human beings. That makes a lot of sense to me.

Which is poison for the ultra progressive element of our society. You know, biological sciences is one is a division of science that many people would like to uninvent because very interesting that a lot of the people who champion science and reason and logic above everything only want part of that. Yeah. There are segments of that where they say, no, no, no, no, no, that's, you know, that's not okay. Yeah.

Anyway, I went out with Keanu and I forgot, I forgot my wallet. Oh, at a bar or something? Or is it going out within a minute? Sorry, I assumed that you were at a bar. We met at, yeah, we met a bar, don't assume. We met at a library. We met at,, don't assume. We met a library. We met a library. We met a library.

No, we went to a bar, bar named the library. There is one in San Luis Obispo. There's one downtown, it's a great place. And I did, I didn't have my wallet, it was the most, it was maybe the most embarrassing thing that's happened to me that I can remember of recent times. Like I had, man, I want your priorities. Sean, I felt like I had nothing in my pants. Like you, you don't realize how many times you reach for that power pack and your back

pocket, like when people are getting sassy or you want it, you even just want to give yourself a drink or buy somebody else's drink or pay somebody back for tickets that they bought. Or a Jordan Peterson and you reach back and you just feel like a kendall. Like I've had nightmares where my dick falls off and this was morph having nothing, nothing in the back pocket, like a chick.

Like this pocket is decorative to draw more attention to my ass. No wallet to speak of, nothing. It was mortifying. I mean, here I am going to a seminar for a man telling men how to live their lives and I don't even have a wallet. Well, what I mean, I really fucked up was reminding me about that because I'd forgotten that you didn't pay for any gifts that night.

I didn't pay for anything. Yeah, that's all right. You'll get me back in Portland. And I felt not without an invoice from you. I'm gonna leave my wallet in Burbank airport. I felt sick about it. All night, Kians, friend was there. He was, these guys were going rounds,

buying all the rounds for me too. Of course, I'm drinking. I have to drink. It's nighttime. I have that reverse Kremlin disease. Yeah, it's not gonna stop. Start multiplying and turning into a monster if I don't drink.

They're going back and, I feel like I'm getting gang banged by these two men going back and forth and running a train on me with buying me drinks. Okay. It's disgusting. I mean, you were the prettiest girl there. That's true. Yeah. You did have the nicest hair. That's true. Thank you. Those terrible though. Absolutely terrible experience. All right. Moving on. I've got a, I'm sorry, so I'm sorry about that. I can I? I've got a, so send him an invoice or an estimate for how much you think you're gonna spend in Portland,

and then he can issue a purchase order. Two DA go. And then yeah, exactly, but you need to get some of the money up front so that you'll have it when you're there, so he doesn't have to be embarrassed when you, when you say, hey, you're gonna get me back. I don't know. There was this thought in my mind,

like maybe the phone could handle it. Like maybe we're at a point where this, I could tap the phone onto like a bartender's forehead and figure this and figure it out. And it didn't work. bartender got all pissed off. You just kept hitting him. It was weird.

I was surprised he didn't throw us out. Probably all the drinks we were buying. You know what I did? I managed to get in because my first thought was like, oh, how am I going to get into this bar? I don't have an ID. Yeah, you could be a 105. You could look like the Cripkeeker and be wearing a civil war uniform and walk up to a bar

and some stupid 25-year-old will still say, sir, do you have an ID? And you'll hold up like a big hearing cone and they'll repeat it. You're right. I looked at the guy. I mean, bash them over the head with it till they're dead. I waited for Keon because I didn't want to try this

by myself. So we go in there, Keon goes in. Keon goes, of course, like a man shows him his ID, no issues there, we all know. And it's goes, of course, like a man shows him his ID, no issues there. We all know. And it's my turn. And I say to the bartender, or the, the balancer, he goes, oh, I can see some ID. Not looking up. I said, oh, yeah. I don't have my, I don't have my ID, dude. Can you just, can you just let me in? And he goes, oh, sorry man. And he looks up at me and I said, hey, hey, I'm 40 years old.

Yeah. Okay. Just look at me in my face. And you ever seen an 18 year old who needed booze this bad? Just look at my eyes. I've lived many times what you have. Look at my knee goes, oh, and he turns the can, he goes,

oh, is he really 40? And I said, no, no, look back at me. Don't ever look, I'm like in pulp fiction. Keep looking at me, honey, bunny. You keep looking at me. And I said, hey, hey, look at my chin. It is all gray like a wizard. Are you serious?

And he goes, oh man, go in there. Just get out of here. You're getting too weird. All right. I got some major blue balls, Sean. Oh, I get the blue spals that you've ever, they're like two smurfs down there. I don't think there's any kind of an appropriate risk.

I woke up and my balls were in a cage and Gargamel was cackling about how he's going to turn the mental gold. Oh, oh, yeah. Is there so blue? Yeah, that's Sean. Cause he was, he was an alchemist. He was an alchemist. Then he wanted to eat him. Then he wanted to eat him because kids, because they condescended to children thinking we didn't understand that Smurfs were the secret ingredient to turning lead into gold. Yeah, we all knew. Right. You could film a Star Wars prequel in front of my balls. They're so blue right now.

They got nobody to listen to my balls. That's how blue they are. You get that one? The song blue. Dobby D, Dobby Dye. I feel 65. I'm about to listen to. I feel 65. It came out in like 1998. The song blew Dabaddi Dabadai I've got I full 65 came out in like 1998 really popular song for two weeks. I've got

I've got all kinds of songs with blue in the titles stuck in my head Sean not one of them Sean Sean Picasso's paintings between 1901 and 1904 are now named Dix ballss, the Dix Balls period, Picasso's Dix Balls period. Do you get that one? Yeah, I do. Here's another art joke for you. Rembriot, the famous painting is now called Dix Balls Boy.

Okay. Dude, I got the nicest computer fast as fuck computer. Yeah, all these parts. I saw it. Oh, I got all these parts ordered from new egg. I got multiple dickheads were giving me input on this beautiful machine for the streaming of the show to upgrade the video stream for the show. I haven't built a computer since college.

There's all kinds of new technologies in computing now. It's like a sport now. Like when I built my first computer, I had a wooden racket. Like Arthur Ash, did he have a wooden racket? I think he played the wooden racket, days. Yeah, with the trapezoid protector on it. That was me building my first computer, A.J. Now we've got fucking Roger Federer

with one arm bigger, one arm like that's his internet masturbating. Maybe all of them, that's what I'm talking about. Looks like a fucking lobster. And I got all this beautiful equipment, beautiful top of the line equipment. I've got a case that you could see into. You could see inside of its tempered glass. It's silent. It's rated by many agencies. Very expensive. Yeah. Spared no expense. This motherboard has racing stripes. It's so fast. The RAM looks like a toaster. Wow. It's hot.

Hot, man, it's so fast. It looks like a toaster. I got 12 fans for this. 12 silent fans. 12 fans for the new streaming computer. I've got a hard drive that looks like a chip, a computer chip. It doesn't even look like a drive anymore. It's just a chip that you put in. Ins doesn't even, it doesn't even look like a drive anymore. Wow.

It's just a chip that you put in. Solid state. Inconceivable. Yeah. Not even solid state, a chip. NME, they call it. Wow. I don't know.

I just ordered whatever the dickheads told me to get. One would refine it and then I would give it to a new one. Just like life yourself, you subject yourself to a new girl and fix things up and then she can't see that kick. You still got too many problems, go find it, otherwise. All right, you do it, tell your dad. Off right, off right. Okay, okay.

I got all this beautiful equipment shipped next day, next day delivery, one tiny, tiny problem. A dickhead says, hey, dick, I saw you a parts list. I actually got, I got the processor that you're looking for, the CPU, the main component of the computer, right? I got an extra one. I'm going to send it to you. Send it to you for a hookup. John, John Bromley, he does this in his spirit. Some people give guns. Some people give CPU. some people give CPU. I said, oh, amazing. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

Send it to you. Thank you so much. Thank you for all your help in this thing. So he sends it somehow, somehow UPS fucks him with the Jamo's gigantic sending of things bill for like a week of delivery. It's gonna get here in a week. So I've got all of this beautiful computer shit just sitting in a fucking pile taunting me and teasing me while I wait for what seems like an eternity for the CPU to get here for the engine to get here for the engine to get here for the main engine to get here, for the engine to get here, for the main thing that you need, you can't even start putting it together.

Mm-hmm. Can't even start. Because then you got to make sure it gets in there, it's driving me fucking crazy. It's driving me fucking crazy. It's like Christmas, it's like you need eternal trying to fall asleep on Christmas. I'm laying in bed every night, tossing and turning, thinking about CPUs firing this thing up for the first time. Whish, and then it goes immediately errors out,

errors to death, because I didn't do any of it right, and I sweat it all over it. Oh, God. Just waiting to begin is driving me fucking crazy as why I have blue balls, I'm telling you. Well, I got it. I can understand. Can you really?

No. No, you can't, because you just have guitars and they all come together. They pretty, yeah, they pretty much do. It's like, what if you got the most beautiful guitar, like Robert Johnson's guitar? Was that, would you like that? Well, I mean, it would kind of be

maybe the most collectible instrument of the 20th century. Yeah, if I could, no strings. And they were sold out of strings everywhere in L.A. It's gonna take two weeks to get new strings. You're just sitting there with a stringless guitar, maybe giving it a pat to make like a, singing the music in your head yelling into the sound hole to see how it resonates. Yeah. Just pretending to be Robert Johnson.

Exactly. Sitting there. That's what's happening to me right now. Okay. Let's see. What should we talk about this week? F1 band, great girls. Did you see that? I did not. Do you know what the great girls are? Like an imagine. You know what? I used to watch a decent amount of F1. But I never, yeah, you're talking racing. Yeah. Yeah. Grid girls. So they go up because in F1, you don't start, you start from a starting grid. They start stationary unlike, you know, NASCAR or IRL or anything like that. So how chicks?

They're hot chicks. They're like ring girls or whatever, right? Yeah, but they're more smartly dressed, I would say. They're not as scantily clad and they're there to advertise for companies. Got you. Logo's for the companies. They're serving a very important purpose of making the entire thing possible through advertising.

Yeah, well, people don't realize in this country because we don't watch a lot of F1, it is the most lucrative sport or was for many, many years. I remember when Tiger Woods signed a, signed like an unprecedented endorsement deal and everything. I think his like, the contracts, when he turned pro added up to like $85 million. Yeah. They said, well, he's got to be the highest paid athlete for that year. Yeah. Not even close. No, Schumacher. Michael Schumacher, $170 million made the same year Tiger Woods turn pro. It was unbelievable the amount of money that's in F1. So they've effectively banned, they've banned the cheerleaders from the sport. And maybe it's a news blip for everybody else, but it has made me so upset all week.

This concept of, well, the intersection of feminism and Islamic fundamentalism, Western feminism, where you can't have sexy women using what God gave them to advertise for you. What the hell are they supposed to do? They're not hurting and that's it's not even them that I'm worried about. It's the guys. It's these rich billionaires. So say, wanted to have a nice afternoon of racing and pay some beautiful women to walk around and just enjoy themselves. They've spent their whole lives working and producing.

Now, they just want to take it easy and enjoy the great dream that our DNA promised us, which is that if you work yourself to death for every second of your life and happen to look into a fortune, you get to enjoy a couple nice things. Yeah. And they took it away from them. Yeah. They took it away. I'm standing up for the billionaires today.

Yeah. They took it away from fucking them. No more, you just can't hobnob with beautiful women anymore who are trading money for their sex appeal. Now they actually have to go trade sex for it. You understand what I'm talking about. Can no longer make money on the appeal. Now they've just got to actually go work for it.

Yeah. Driven me, I can't even put it towards them so because I've room, so what are the governing body of F1 say, because it's objectification, it's beyond that, the typical shit. Typical shit. Typical shit. Okay. It's about time that we are in line with modern societal norms. Sure. Yeah. There's which it defines those modern societal norms.

I'm pretty sure that the governing body of the most highest grossing income sport in the world, as Sean said, is pretty far removed from normal or modern society. I don't think they're allowed to say what the average man is doing in a spare time. What the average guy believes. You know what's fucked up? I think that's more, I think that's more in line with our societal norms than anything else.

Because all of the work, every single thing that can be replaced by a robot and it will be done is going to push people into using and employing the only fucking thing that we have over the robots, which is sex appeal. Yeah. I mean, for now, haven't you seen the new sex robots coming up? It's driving Twitter angry. You know what?

They're never, they're never going to be good enough for me. They're going to have sex robot commercials in 20 years and they're going to be like, it's going to be the Mikey of the life cereal of sex robots, which is me coming out of the room, dusting my hands off, giving my balls a sink bath, going, nah, I didn't, I liked, you know, no, I'll give the sex robot a dick, he never likes any of the sex box,

come out like, oh, I liked that one, they'd be like, oh my God, finally, they finally got it knocked, but until then, it's the only thing we have. What about like the hot replicant from the original Braille runner who was like the Acrobat, the Braille. Carolina? With the bar across the... Yeah, yeah.

That was the... What if that was the quality of sex, lots of stuff? Too scary. Okay. Way to's. You and I clearly had different upbringing. Too.

Oh, yeah. Yes. Do you like the Lady Gremlin too? I like the Lady Gremlin. I think you and I clearly had different upbringing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you like the lady Gremlin too? I like the lady Gremlin. How do you feel like I'm rather funny as a woman? I'd rather fuck the lady Gremlin than Darryl Hannah from Blade Runner. We can both agree that Smurf Ed is the best of all from the right. No, she has no taste.

April and Neil, I don't know. Yes. April I'll take. Yeah. Do you know the new Ninja Turtles? April and Neil, I don't know. Yes. April I'll take. Yeah, it's, do you know the new Ninja Turtles, April and Neil is a six year old? And black? What?

Yeah, I just, I just found out about this this morning. Why? I don't know. Look at the way you smiling. I think you're making that up. I'm not. I'm not. What new Ninja Turtles?

What are you talking about? People are freaking out. I guess they're making a new another I'm not. I'm not. What new Ninja Turtles? What are you talking about? People are freaking out. I guess they're making a new, another Ninja Turtles, the fifth or sixth. Do you know this in carnation? Do you record some voices for it? No, we're not. No.

If you do, can I sneak my lines in for the girl? Yeah. Hey, hey turtles. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Yeah, you don't want to. I just like that. That that that that a that a black six year old has the last name on Neil. Oh god. Didn't even change your name. Don't you remember the Tresone meal, that great comedian, rest in peace? No. She have like an Irish father.

And maybe. I'm not. Hey, speaking of Irish. Funny that you bring that up because like I this that's that's true. As far as I know from what I was going through sexual that hold on. The Gremlin. I'm a yes on your no one. No, I'm a real. April O let's go through sexual, hold on. The Gremlin, I'm a yes on, you're a no on. No, I'm a no on.

Apologneal, yes. Definitely, yes. Chitara, yeah. Sort of, right? Yeah. Yeah. If you get rid of the weird face, discoloration, sure. No, no, that's their best, that's her best feature.

On Chitara. Is the weird face, discoloration. Now I see why you'll, what's its face true, you as a furry. Hahaha. Yeah. Anything's normal if you's its face true you as a furry Anything's normal if you don't if you think about it. That's a good point. Yeah, anything's normal if you don't think about it it's You know how strives me insane about this f1 thing is the attitude that I see people saying oh, you know Well, they should have learned a skill like are you fucking are you kidding me? You learn a skill

Nobody knows any skills. What is this? What do you mean dynamite? Yeah, what skills should they learn? Learn how to, learn how to sew, learn how to, be a good cook. Oh, that's what they're implying. I actually saw on the way.

Learn how to like align telescopes? What the fuck skill? I'll have a bet. Nobody learns skills. Get, never say it. Write it off the table. I will have a bet with the entire globe. If you learn a skill after 20, like after 21,

soon as the drinking starts, if you learn a skill, I will give you $1 million. And if you do not learn a skill after will give you one million dollars and if you do not learn a skill after that point you give me a dollar. I will win that I will come out ahead in that world because it never fucking happens and it's insane to suggest the whole reason we had this nice thing was to let these beautiful girls marry millionaires. Now you just got a bunch of guys talking about their dicks and cars. That's just fucking hated. So what we're like we're not allowed to have news babes anymore next. What are they coming for next? Are they

coming into VR and they're taking all the sex out of that tail? The second I get the second we get a working, Oculus Rift that is a penis attachment like, oh, and don't worry, we also took out all the sexy ladies. The penis attachment is just to simulate urinating. What the fuck? Yeah. That doesn't sound as far fetched to me as it seems. No, we need two different virtual realities.

Not safe room, we need two different ones. Strict adherence, we need two different virtual reality worlds. It's the never ending death by a thousand cuts. And it's not just this slow slicing. Yeah, the Manchester art gallery removed a painting. Let me bring this painting up so you guys can see it's, you know what I'm talking about. They removed this painting because the me two,

citing the me two movement. They removed a classical artwork. Sure. Okay, the Manchester art gallery takes down work by Waterhouse and Aspa. This is the painting of gallery takes down work by Waterhouse and I suppose this is a the painting of the High List and the Nymphs was taken down by the Manchester art gallery. Rather than educate people and saying that this is a work from a specific time and it's notable for these reasons, they say, let's just burn the books.

Yeah, you know why? Cause this painting about a bunch of nymphs luring a young man to his death is exactly what's fucking what's their sexuality, right? Hey, come on into this pond, dude, there's eight of us, right? Tits are not so great either in this painting. It's the death by a thousand cuts and I really I really hate that it's taken off again. And they're perfect for each other. Fundamentalist fundamental Islam and Western feminism, absolutely perfect for

each other. They both have the same God And they have the same, you know what? They do. They fucking do, it's the state. Both of their gods is the state. No matter what they say, you can't have an Islamic fundamentalism without a government to enforce it. And you can't have Western feminism without a government to fucking enforce it.

Both of you go, why don't you both go to plan it, fuck off and leave us alone. It's funny that we're talking about this. Last night, I was out to dinner with my cousin who is from Mexico City moved to Australia to get his college degree and it up staying there, getting a PhD now, he's a professor, that's the English literature accent.

Yeah, really is. I was hoping that he could come in today, but he got so drunk off of my ties and Apple Teenies that he forgot. He's gay, by the way. And that's what I was just gonna ask, honestly. Not a joke, he was really drinking my ties and Apple Teenies that he forgot. He's gay, by the way. And that's not what he was just gonna ask. Not a joke, he was really drinking my ties and Apple Teenies. Yeah.

And he got so drunk that at one point, he tried convincing me that Islam is a feminist religion. Dude, yeah. And so I'm right here. I guess. Fuck, I didn't agree with him talking about with Jordan Peterson has all these stats. Well, I got just shouting.

Was he doing it as like, it's like, that's a good thing? Probably not for a case. No, no, he said no, but was he saying that like, you know, Islam is actually feminism, I'm asking if feminism is positive in his mind. And yes, he was saying that Islam and feminism are compatible for promoting the rights of women, which I gotta say, I'm pretty sure that's just statistically and factually inaccurate, like certifiably incorrect. You know, it's compatible for promoting the rights of women. These nots, I don't know if you guys heard about that.

They're blue. They look like smurfs. 5,000 models in the US, that's a stats for you. I looked that up 5,000 models of work. Yeah, yeah, poor ladies are Because of the F1 No, just in general. Oh, just 5,000 models. I don't know Sean. I've looked at a Google fine But you know, you know what the whole thing really made me sad because

But you know, you know what the whole thing really made me sad? because My one of my favorite things to do or what I remember most about going to the arcade as a kid or maybe even going to a bowling alley Or maybe maybe even Cletching a glimpse of it in the right bar was The iron man Ivan Stewart off-Road, arcade machine. Bowling Alley. And when the high scores came up or when you would re-en...

The game was impossible to play. Yeah. Yeah, I'd never finished a single race. It was terrible at it. I didn't understand it at all. No one did. No one ever won that game. But when the high score list would come up, they would have those three beautiful, colored,

beautiful bikini, different color bikini. On the podium. On the podiums with the race car guy. And I remember seeing, I remember making up excuses to walk by that arcade machine. I didn't even have a direction or whatever. It was a kid. I don't even know why. I just like man. I really gotta see what's I really gotta see what's going on in that Iron man, I even steward off road credit screen again once

What's this all what's this feeling I'm feeling right like a not like eight bit. That was eight bit at the time, right? It's pixels Yeah, it's pixel like yeah, it's exactly. I mean, like, yeah, it's exactly. So do you get a, like a hard on every time you see like a set of blocks? If it's arranged correctly, yes. John, well, you're gonna be, I'm gonna be fine in the apocalypse. You're stacks and I just find some sexy rocks.

You're gonna be driving yourself nuts, needing a real woman. Yeah, stupid. I can't do drawings. Oh man. Yeah, I don't know if I have anything else to say about that. I like that million dollar bet. You learn a fucking skill and give you million bucks.

You don't give me a buck. Give me a buck. I'm gonna house wins. House always wins. All right, I'm gonna play a song and I get a little story to tell. I'd like to take this time to remind everyone listening this is a comedy podcast

and Dick will not actually give you a million bucks, please. Believe that, don't sue him. Yep, yeah. 20 million, what's another 380 million? What's another million? Fuck it. Good point. So many on the moon for your million bucks.

All this abuse will be adjudicated in the jurisdiction of Luna. With the Mac tonight as the judge. Yeah. That's a dog whistle for all the white supremacists listening, because he's one of their mascots. And I did that on purpose as a dog whistle. Dog whistles are impossible to detect, Sean, as I've just demonstrated. And they're always there. Everyone always means them.

Got it. Here we go. My room records. He's gonna be opening for us in Portland. Cool. Road rage Portland. By the way, the tickets are, dude, they sold out in like a week.

Yeah. Which fucking sucks, because everybody waited. Really? A lot of people waited. A lot of people. And now there's none. We're really trying.

I'm yelling at Diego. He says he's calling places. The system is working. Right. But we're just not. We haven't found any more tickets and we haven't found a new venue if that's even possible. Just rent out like a school auditorium and put up a TV and live streaming. So they're all just in one space.

They think they're watching it. Yeah. TV and live streaming. So they're all just in one space. They think they're watching it. Yeah, well, yeah, because it's really hard to tell how many people are able to show up to, you know, in any given city. You know, we messed up. We didn't get enough seats. So how big is this venue? It's pretty, this one's pretty small, I think, but it's smaller than Philly, smaller than Chicago. Yeah. Well, anyway, here's my room, my room records, with everything is a rage. I feel like I'm back on the old show.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. The flow is flowing with me. Like I'm out doing a magic of dance. The flow is flowing with me, like I'm out doing a some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that.

I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing some of that. I was doing to be naked. I love this song. I love this song. I love this song. I could dance the mask.

Just for fun. My record is just fucking phenomenal. Definitely. Definitely. Oh, tell you what I'm just going to say, did I know of? Yeah, it's really welcoming to the show. Back up in the studio. Back up in the studio.

Yeah, I mean, you should really kind of welcome people. Welcome to the Dixia My content is do you I Feel like I'm back on the old show Alright, I have never mind that tight she Reminds me of something else's making me raves this week. I've been doing. I've been doing this resistance band workout.

Where to see if Jamie Lynn Hughes, who does these workout, you know the thing about working out, I only know like three or four exercises. A man's workout is like his hair cut. He got one hair cut at one point in his life that somebody gave him a compliment on that's his hair cut forever, right? I did one workout around like college or puberty times or whenever it is that you started working out

and that's my workout forever. And I'm instantly distrustful and upset if it's challenged. So as my body decays out from under me, is I age and drink, I've decided to mix it up a little bit. So Jamie's got me on this resistance band thing. I was like, yeah, that's for chicks, but I guess I'll try it, right?

Like I guess, I thought it was, I thought it was, I've always looked at that resistance band shit. And when somebody says that to me, I just think, think to myself, I nod and smile, and I think, I don't you shut the fuck up. Why don't you take those resistance bands

and take them to a pride parade with your work. And shove them up your ass. Why don't you tow a big unicorn at them you take those resistance hands and take them to a pride parade with your work and shove them up your ass. Why don't you tell a big unicorn with those? But anyway, James is an expert, right? So I'm doing these resistance pants things and it's like doing other exercises is constantly messing with your balls. Have you had that, like if you ever try to do a leg day, any leg day exercises are constant, discomfort and torment on your testicles. The resistance band pulling it up between your legs, always pinching and rubbering at them,

like you spend most of your time concentrating, just trying to avoid these things guillotineing your nuts as you're trying to do it. And it's made me realize how often my own balls fuck me over recently, getting in the way, like doing this leg extension exercises. She's like, oh, just do it like this. And I'm like, yeah, but I can't fucking do that.

Cause my, cause my balls are in the way. So find, find exercises that has a amount of discomfort to your ball ratings before you bring them to me. This is a five. Start there. Once one to five, this has maximum ball motion going on. Get it out. Valid concern.

Always like, if it's too cold, always, they're always trying to, and you're jerking off, they're always trying to like, go up into your body, like a, like a, you know, like a, like a, like a, like a burrowing animal. Yeah, they're always trying to get the fuck out of here.

I'm, get out of my body, balls. I'm trying to jerk off over here. I'm trying to get a nut here, not bury one. There's an invisible squirrel when you're jerking off trying to bury your nuts in your own body. Constantly fucking with me. Does that happen to you?

Has this ever happened to you? Yeah, jerking off and your balls go up into your body when it's too cold, at the worst. This is only me. No, it's never happened to me, I don't know. That's why they do that. Because like it's, what do you mean that's why they do that? Because it's trying to maintain a certain temperature

by what, going into my stomach? Yeah, or are you genetically not going to the fridge? How does it get, usually I like it very cold. Okay, that makes sense. Well, look at him sweating. I have an Eskimo fetish. Yeah, that's why they move around. I got a lock in freezer.

If I try to jerk off in normal temperatures, I melt, I pass out. I'm like rocky in there beating the meat, but a different kind. Yeah. Really pounding that. God, my balls are really fucking with me this week. I guess sell these new exercises. I don't know. That's just so you know.

Let's see. I got a video of, remember how we were talking about kissing little boys on the lips last week? Uh, yeah, yeah, vaguely. Okay. Talk about clips taking a lot of context. All right. Sean, do you remember how we were talking about, yeah, remember our best debate last week

was if you could kiss little boys on the lips, if dead should kiss their little boys on the lips? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disgusting. That's the thing, right? Super discussing, just the words. Super discussing. Okay, so as if it's on cue,

like as if I'm conducting the entire universe. Oh, I know what's going on. Yeah. Have you seen this Tom Brady? Tom Brady? Where he kisses his, he makes his son kiss him on the lips, like a wedding kiss. I've seen wedding kisses.

There, I just read the headline. Just read the headline. Oh, uncomfortable, you know, length of time. You're right, that is uncomfortable. I'm not gonna click, you just lost length of time. You're right, that is uncomfortable. I'm not gonna click. You just lost ad revenue. Yeah. This is uncomfortable as the understatement of the year.

Really? Well, how old is this kid? I'm, I'm a little, I think he's like 11. Let's say, I want to play this, I want to play this news report. This is the best news, this is the best news of the year. I know that the Super Bowl is just happening. He is 11.

Yeah. With the new system, I'll be able to play this on the stream, by the way. I just think that who's the, who's the actor and Ferris Bueller's day off who like when he sees Ferris kiss Sloan, Jeffrey, whatever, he's just Jeffrey Jones. So that's how it is in their family. And then he turned out to be a pedophile. Yeah. Well, he was a good Rooney, though. And then he turned out to be a pedophile. Yeah. Well, he was a good runie though.

Oh, he's the only runie. All right. Can you see the TV? Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Super Bowl winner, Tom Brink. I'm gonna rewind it. Okay there.

Just fucking rewind. Fuck you, men are called Tom from Jesus Christ. Well, thanks CBS. For that long. You too long. Fucking thanks CBS. For that long. You too long. Fucking assholes. Romantic long. His leg and neck.

He's getting a mess over too. Like a romantic long. I don't know why this is so fucked up. All gone next week. All of this is gone. All of this is gone. I'm gonna light it on fire. Like Ricky, trailer park poison.

Okay. Yeah, take it to the smashroom. Here we go. Here we go. There's no way that place is still open. The smashroom had to be fucking, what's their wrench? Shut the downtown. I mean, there had to be some kind of, oh, devoy or something getting involved. I mean, you can't do. You can't have that much fun. No, you can't have that much fun. They're taking away our grid girls. We're pushing forward with violence. Yeah. All right.

You guys got it. The basis for that. What do you mean? So in a lot of societies, I was thinking specifically about the box rebellion in China, which happened in the 1800s. A lot of societies in which there's gender imbalance, like you have in China, India right now. And also in the past, specifically caused by either selective infanticide or abortion of little girls or of polygamy, you have a lot of unmarried young men who cannot get laid, right? So they have nothing to lose. So they just get up and armed rebellion.

That was a big spur of the box rebellion, or at least where they do. What's the box rebellion in China? Also known as boxers. Also known as brew balls. That's the, oh boy. The brew ball rebellion. Brew bar rebellion.

All right. And they actually called these guys a, Keon, you can't top a zing. Yeah, you can't go ahead and I'm listening. I'm listening. these guys a, Keon, you can't top a thing. You can't, you can't go ahead. I'm listening. I'm listening. What, what, what?

Uh, so during the boxer, it was this armed belly in China where these guys believe that they could stop bullets with their hands. So of course, they all died. Um, but they were derogatory. Oh, I saw that going. Yeah. Uh, bear stickman, meaning like they didn't have anything to cover their dicks. And that was the reason that, yeah.

So they call those guys shirt culture. That's true. Is it Burning Man? Shies who just go around with shirts and no under like Donald Duck. That's disgusting. Yeah. Like Donald Duck. All right, here you go.

Here's Tom Brady kissing his son. In a documentary called Tom versus Time, there's a scene showing five times Super Bowl winner Tom Brady getting a massage. He's gay. And his 11 year old son comes in the room and asks if he can check his fantasy football. versus time, there's a scene showing five times Super Bowl winner Tom Brady getting a massage and his 11 year old son comes in the room and asks if he can check his fantasy football standings. I want to check my fantasy team. When do I get it?

No, I mean, no Jack, everything comes in a cup. Oh, I wouldn't. Look, he wiped his mouth. Did you see the kid? Okay. So he said, what do I get mouth. Did you see the kid? Okay. So he said, what do I get? So the kid opens the door to Tom Brady's regular thing.

Like, yeah. Hey, we like it. I get a kiss, right? Yeah. Like that's, yeah. And then the kid gives him a little pack and leaves sheepishly, secretly, secretly wiping his mouth so that dad can't see. Did you see that?

Yeah. I'm going to play it. I'm going to play it again. And there's even more, Sean. There's even more. I'm Super Bowl winner Tom Brady getting a massage. Then his 11 year old son comes in the room and asks him if he can check his fantasy football standings.

Of worrying about that, you check my fantasy team. I'm not good. I'm not good. I'm not good. I'm not good. I'm not good. I'm not good. I'm not good.

I'm not good. I'm not good. I'm not good. I'm not good. I'm not good. The second kiss shared by father and son prompted tweets from viewers using words like very disturbing. can give him a hug, you know, but not in the mouth. I'm not for that long. Too long, too long. Like, you're a man. He's laying there naked, getting a massage too. So that makes it weird? Yeah. I have since day one, you know, I would have no problem with my son kissing me like that.

Lifestyle and parenting. Oh my God, too. You know what? It's just, it's just strange. It's just strange. I am comfortable saying that it's wrong, not just strange. You know, I mean, the kid knows it's wrong. That's the key to the hard.

He doesn't want to do it. Yeah. Wipes is grotesquely, wipes his face off. Yeah. And he's not going to, like, kids are assholes who are embarrassed by the, who are embarrassed by their parents, but he's not going to get older and say, wow, I wish I would have been more appreciative of dad taking me to the movies. He's going to get older and say, hey, if wish I would have been more appreciative of dad taking me to the movies. He's going to get older and say,

hey, if you kiss me on the lips, like if you make me kiss you on the lips to get something, I'll put you in the fucking ground, Tom Brady. I don't care how many Super Bowl rings you got. They're going to a fucking pawn shop. You do that again in front of my wife. At the same time, Tom Brady has the greatest motivator over him, right?

He, okay, well, I guess you don't want this $100 million inheritance that's coming your way. It makes me want to throw up and that the masseuse is sitting there saying, oh, and he's, everything comes at a price. It was just like the width. Just like, like he, like he's some like, yeah, there's the real criminal's masseuse. He seems like some drunken hedonistic like he's just like, what do I get? Like he can't even like he bothered to raise his voice enough

to like, like get the kid like, you know, like, hey, what do I get, buddy? Oh God, I hope they lose. I can't support this. Wait, are they playing tomorrow? Yes, and that's the equals. Yeah, I hope he gets a disc. I mean, I'm not gonna say that.

I can't. I hope they lose. That a diss I mean, I'm not gonna say I hope you I hope they lose that's all I'm gonna say Yeah, yeah I hope I hope they hijack another plane and fly it right into into him That was worse than when when It's not to stadium just it's him and all the line we're like in on it like BBB BBB They run and Tom Brady's gets the hub the ball hack to him and then there line were like in on it. Like BBB BBB, they run and Tom Brady's gets the ball to him and then there's just like some suicide guys. Oh, right it is as I want to see the reply video from

from Peyton Manning and Papa John. I got to watch it again. It's too disgusting. Fantasy football standings. Of wearing the fact that you check my hands too. I'm not good. I gotta watch it again. It's too disgusting fantasy football standings The second kiss shared by thought I'm son prompted tweet. I've told women that when I've making them suck my dick I go there give it to give it to taste give it a kiss. Oh, that was like a little peck. I'm talking about my cock Turn around son and he turns around like you can see him go

Do this again just like in like the hoops. I have to jump through to check my fucking fantasy Picks yeah, they probably found out he didn't start him that way. You know? Oh, and he's all half naked and old. Look at the look on that kid's face as he's walking by. Dick has paused the video. He knows there's cameras there and he's like, the shit I'm gonna catch. His eyebrows are furrowed in disapproval disgust.

I just discomfort. Oh yeah, that's definitely, oh fuck, I don't wanna have to do this. And that's more than just, I don't wanna have to clean my room. That's like this is actually something. Well, it's either this or ass rape. I guess I'll take the kiss on TV in front of another man.

But the devil's advocate argument in this is like, hey, no, that's just your own issues. You know, that that's what's going on. So this motherfucker's disgusted. This kid is disgusted. I'm with you. Yeah. I mean, it's just, it's just bizarre and weird and I don't know, I don't know, it's, I

don't know how you deal with it. If he does nothing else than that, is there something wrong with him? Yes. Yeah. But why? Because you're grossing, you're making your kid feel molested. Like that's of not a feeling that a kid should have.

No, but if society wasn't, if most people didn't feel this way, they, if that was just like, if it existed in a vacuum, why is that? Okay, let me give you, let me get Jordan Peters and I know it's weird. It's the whole, I can't define pornography, but I know it when I see it because it's in our DNA to exercise, poisonous mutation DNA like Tom Brady has from the code that kisses little boys and does weird things. It's in our DNA to exercise that so we can be healthy as a herd.

The concept of like a meta evolution where we got it, we can identify, gross stuff and the child in this case is the identifier. Yes, it's like, boom, dad, your mutation, you got the football mutation, but you also got this weird kissing boys mutation. But is it because of how he's grown up around other boys whose dads don't do that, all that kind of stuff? What I'm saying is, is there a culture

on this earth where that is acceptable? Okay, imagine your dad kissing you on the mouth. No, now tell me about it. Is it culture or is it just like the smell of your dad? I don't know. Nothing your nose and your brain. It's, I don't know. My family wasn't like that.

My hands soap reminded me of my dad and it made me one of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you said that. And I love my dad, but I don't want to smell him up in my nose. Yeah, people don't do that. People don't do that now. No.

And I don't know if they ever did. I don't know if they do anywhere and that's acceptable. It's not something I would do. Do we know how CBS gotta hold this? Well that was his documentary. Yeah, why did he think that was a good idea to show anybody how far removed from reality are professional multi-millionaire NBA players.

Look, that shit's not happening in the XFL. I can tell you that already. There's no way that getting kicked right out. We'll bring back the USFL. Uh, performance clause. Morality's clause in the contract. Let me see what else I get here. I probably get another song going to play while I look for stuff. I got to talk about my sister being a coach of a T-Ball team, too. Or I don't know if you call it a, if a woman is a coach, do you call it a coach stiller? Is it a teacher?

What do you call it when it's, yeah, she's my sister is the coach of the Irishman's first T-Ball team. Oh boy. Oh yeah. Oh boy. Your mom is your coach for T-Ball. Yeah. Oh boy. Oh yeah. Oh boy. Your mom is your coach for Tebal. Yeah. Oh God. Who played it like who she played softball at the highest level there is. Yeah, but you know, it's your mom is your coach of your team. But I mean, but I know she is explaining because she's

kind of like your your dad too. Yeah. She's fucking serious. Oh oh she's extremely competent oh yeah and she's serious and she's she's she's very serious yeah she's just funny though it's not for fucking fun this is you know I'm gonna I'm gonna get a time sheet and go back in time and keep his parents from getting together like a reverse back to the future to prevent this emasculating humiliation occurring so she was a Emiliations occurring. So she was a... Oh, I got him. I'll play the song first. This is from Fett Boy. What is a microphone? He's calling it. Please don't let this man yell at me.

I got the microphone. Sit down, sit down, and work it out. Work it out, work it out, work it out. Work it out. Sit down, sit down, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it, work it, work it out, work it, work it out, work it out, work it out, work it, work it, work it out, work it, work it out, work it, work it out, work it, work it out, work it, work it Workin' out, workin' out, workin' out Get on the fucking mic! Get on the fucking mic! Yeah! Yeah! This is cool! This is cool!

That boy! So many girls. It's amazing. I don't know what it is about your comedy that draws you in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. All right. You know what, I'll talk about my sister being a T-Ball coach next week. She had an immediate altercation. Oh, yeah. Immediate. Immediate. With the five year olds. No, with other coaches. Oh, yeah, yeah. Immediate. With the five-year-olds.

No, with other coaches. Oh, yeah. No, these fucking, these fucking little league coaches. Ah, I was talking about it next week. Let me see here. I got a Bill Guy question. Let me play the... Presenting Dick as...

Bill Guy that science is true. Do I have too many sound effects now? Is this turning into a Maddix show? No, because they're good. They are good. You see that Madcucks is doing a Madcucks news? That's so great. And it's the production quality is better than Maddix is wearing.

Maddix is wearing what what might as well, it might be a small t-shirt, like a brand new unwashed small t-shirt in his Mattics news program that he does on Friday nights. Really? And it looks like, it looks like, it looks like he's got abs of fat. Like it looks disgusting. He's, he's shaped like a condom, where the reservoir tip is like his head, like full of spooge, but his the rest of his body is packed into these shirts. The motherfucker owns

a t-shirt store and he can't get a shirt that fits him. It looks, it looks revolting. Let me pull up a, let me pull up a picture of it. Just so you can see how disgusting it is. Like a sausage casing. Yeah, a sausage of failure. Look at how tight this shirt is. Why is a shirt? Why have you ever seen this tight around such saggy looking arms?

And it's obviously new. Yeah. And hip. That is a way too tight of a shirt. I mean, it's, if the skin wasn't already bad, the shirt is making, if the body wasn't already a train wreck, the shirt is making it worse. All right, anyway, I gotta get Mad Cucks in to talk about his, here's the question for Bill Guy. Here's an engineering's the question for Bill Guy.

Here's an engineering question for you Bill Guy. Why are bathroom ventilation fans in the ceiling instead of the toilet? That's an excellent question because we obviously have the technology to put ventilation inside the toilet. Did you know this? That the toilet, the reason there's water in the toilet is because you know this, that the toilet, the reason there's water in the toilet is because it keeps sewer, gas, and smells

from coming into the house? Did you know that? I did. No, you didn't. I think it's the same reason why the p-trap is shaped the way that it is. In a sink. So that like smelly ass water and stuff doesn't.

I found that out recently. Yeah, that was interesting Never thought of why the water was in there. It's a very simple answer It's because everyone wants to smell what their own poop tastes like or smells like not tastes like everyone wants to smell Their own poop. Yeah, they pull it right up past your past your face So we put in tiny little fans They're the dumbest fans actually. It's not even a fan in a bathroom No one you never pulled the the great off to see It's just a noise maker that makes a fan in a bathroom. You never pull the grade off to see.

It's just a noise maker that makes a fan sound so that you can tell your wife you have a fan in the bathroom, but you turn on it, it doesn't do anything. It's for you. It's for your pleasure. It's for your enjoyment of the bathroom. So enjoy it with that in mind. Exactly. This has been Bill.

Bill Guy. Bill Guy that's on his face. I'm actually just thinking the other day. I'm pretty sure the fan in my bathroom at home just goes up into my attic. I don't think the contractor actually ducted it outside. Oh yeah. You just have like an incredible amount of methane holding up in your terrestrial space. Yeah, I don't know.

Let me see here. I'm sure I got some more questions. I got one from, okay, you remember the guy who wrote in saying that he couldn't come while I was having sex, we had a guy write in about jerking off, making a throw away just to be safe because personal stuff. I'm a hopeless virgin in my 20s,

and I'm kind of worried about, I'll have this problem if I were ever able to convince a girl to fuck me. When I was going through puberty and learning how to jerk off, I learned it in a terrible way, where I'd basically lay on my front and hump the base of the shaft into my wrist. Oh, that sounds painful. That's terrible. Yeah. For some reason, putting pressure there was the most sensitive area, and so that's just what I always did. I looked it up and apparently it's called masturbating prone and you're not supposed to do it

like that for this specific reason. And any time I've tried the normal way, I just rub forever and don't make any progress and eventually give up and do it the stupid way. That's very sad. Silver lining is, on the few occasions, I've been able to go a few days without jacking it and was able to get off from the regular old, I was able to get off from the regular old jerk motion, but I always immediately slipped back into doing it the stupid way of humping his wrist, I guess.

So I don't think it's too late for me to stop. I think I'll try to take Dix advice and take a break from jerking off. Well, that, yeah, that sounds like job number one. You know, some things don't need to be innovated. I think jerking off is, you don't need to be doing it in a weird humping of the wrist ways, even if it feels better. A lot of things feel better, but you don't need to do them because they're very dangerous for you,

which apparently this is. Alec, I work for a tiny house construction company in Christchurch, New Zealand. No, wow. I had mentioned tiny houses on the bonus episode. So all the hobbits lived. Yeah, it is, it's true. Even their houses were bigger than tiny houses. A tiny house where I was gonna look at that and think it's a mansion. Yeah, it is true. Even their houses were bigger than tiny houses. A tiny house

where I would look at that and think it's a mansion. Yeah. Tiny house people are like CrossFit people or vegans except their gatekeepers. Oh no, they're not the sort of people we want in a tiny house community. It's an example of a sentence I've heard many times. Well, you know, build all those tiny houses on New Zealand and then just float it off into the ocean again. Let's see here. Observer Cerberus Fire writes, I was talking about how content is ruining the internet last week.

I tried to look up how did Band-Aids get their color for a school project, and all I got was how it was a racist color. Yeah, of course. Go try to find the answer and tell me if you're just disgusted with the well of misinformation and idiocy that exists on the internet. Still never found the answer. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised. I know I can remember them marketing different color Band-Aids. bandids, darker, darker bandids. Oh, really? Like for black people? Yeah, it's a blend in.

They should do that every black history month. Bandage should go on like a, it's black history month. I know. There's nothing wrong with having, with making a big deal about making your product accessible to a multi, a diverse society, right? Yeah.

Yeah, they can have two. I see no thing objection about that. We've got band-aids for black people and it's got a couple in there in case your hands get cut. So you've got the one color and then the normal ones or actually they'd be ghost white I guess.

Officer Dickhead, this is a policeman wrote in I guess. Officer Dickhead, this policeman wrote in. Okay. Officer Dickhead here. I'm fairly surprised that neither you nor Sean saw the glaringly obvious problem with police body cams. They don't fucking work. Really? Because nothing works.

Their battery life sucks, maybe four hours. They are uncomfortable, the size, excuse me, the size of a smartphone and are right under your sternum under your body armor, looking through a little hole because if they were anywhere else, drunks would break them during a rest. Sure. They never capture anything useful. If I put my hands up in a boxing stance or draw my handgun, the view is almost completely obstructed. The audio quality is shit and the data gets

corrupted like 80% of the time. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, the suspect just fell down some stairs, and my thing got a magnet put over it. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's thrown the baby out with the bath water. Just, I mean, it's a bad idea.

Yeah. I mean, there's a criminal defense attorney I'd have to disagree. I find useful stuff on that all the time. From my perspective, also I see a lot of times that the arresting officer gets a lot of really useful information. Because a lot of the time I would think.

Right, a lot of the time what you're looking for is audio, right? Because a lot of the dispute comes up with, no, I didn't actually say that. No, that's ridiculous. I wasn't actually there. No, I wasn't red in my Miranda rights, that kind of thing.

And the police portal say one thing. My client would say another thing. And if I can get body cam footage, then that definitely clears up what happens. I had this one case where the cops said, oh yeah, and then this guy just spontaneously confessed to everything. And my client was like, no, that's ridiculous.

They were questioning me. They never asked me my Miranda rights. And I didn't actually say what they're saying that I said. And so we got the body cam footage. And it turns out that, yeah, he was definitely under arrest, even though they told him that he wasn't under arrest because whether you under arrest, that's a factual question. As I'm sure Officer Dick Head knows, they were going through a warehouse where my guy worked with guns drawn for cops. They saw him, they shouted on him to get on his knees and put his hands on his head. They walked over, they handcuffed him, dragged him outside, made him stand against a wall and started asking questions.

But before they asked him questions, they said, you're not under arrest, we're just going to detain you for a little bit. What? Right. So of course, they needed to give him his maraud rights and they didn't. And they said in the police report, oh, and by the way, he confessed to doing all of this. And on the video, you could see him saying, no, I definitely, no, I just work here, man.

I'm not involved in this burglary at all. Wow. Yeah. So I think I would disagree. I like the fact that their body cams. And a lot of the time, you know, I have cases where my client will insist that he's totally innocent. And so I'll get the body cam footage and it's terrible for him.

It actually makes the offer worse when we get the body cam footage. Sure. Um, fucking dad. What about just audio? If it was, I think that would make court a lot more fun. Like if it was just audio recordings and then you could go like, well, I think that would make court a lot more fun. Like if it was just audio recordings and then you could go like, was, I think that would make court a lot more fun. Like if it was just audio recordings and then you could go like, well, it could have been, it could be like that sign fell that episode where it's like a squink. And then he says something.

I mean, some, some officers do wear just body mics. I don't, it's less common now that LAPD in specific has issued body cams to pretty sure all field officers. Yeah, but some. Yeah, don't be stupid. Put the body cam on there. I mean, those aren't points. Personally, I don't mind wearing a camera because I make little quips when I talk to assholes

that they don't understand, but when the video gets played in court, the judge kind of smirks. You know, he's got to go to work, he's making it and enjoying himself, the delayed burn, if you will. I do, however, understand how an ultra litigious dystopia, like LA or New York cops would be less except thing.

How about this guy to call in? This officer dickhead guy. Anyways, great show. Keep it up. I'd love to call in sometime. If you guys ever want to talk about cop stuff and how frustrating it is. Oh, totally. Yeah, to teach basic civics to grown men

who threaten to kill you for asking them to stop urinating. Like all I need to... And make no mistake. Like the cops deal with fucking assholes. They deal with crutch. Like they deal with... Yeah, well, I can't deal with him assholes. They deal with Coach. They deal with Coach. I can't deal with him. No.

Yeah. Yeah. It's. Oh, all right. Let me see here. Let's do voice mail. All right, everybody. Thanks for listening.

This has been the Dix show. Go to dick.show. patreon.com slash the Dix show for video. I've been doing transcriptions lately. Yeah. Yeah, I did a transcription of the last episode. I posted the audio like right after we did it, I posted, I bounced the audio down and just sent it

to them without Sean edits even saying, here you go. So I remember this. Boom, two day turnaround there like absolutely. Two day two day turnaround certain, no problem. I get it back and it is, they've named all the speakers, they named all the speakers they they've named all the speakers Like a not like speaker one speaker two and then it changed every every like two pages

They swapped the name. Oh, no, so let us Jones would be speaker one then or you would be speaker one I said what the hell is the deal? What is this? What did you do to my scenes? You know, from it. You'd, you got to, what happened to this transcript? How's, like, can you guys not tell us a part? I said, oh, sir, to get it to you on time, we split it up among multiple transcribers who all obviously had their own, their own speaker on, and their own speakers. I said, okay, we'll just send me the raw things and I can at least put it together and get it out. And even though, and I'm basically doing your job for you now, but just, I mean, sure, we can't do that.

That's against our policy. I said, well, what good is this then? That's not it. I've got a two hour, three hour transcript of random names. Yeah. Yeah. Well, don't, sir, we understand.

We'll give you half your money back. All right, well, I'm using the rest of that money to take a bus to where you are to kick your ass. How's that sound? The more, yeah. All right, anyway, this is, um, I think my favorite part about that is that multiple people got paid to listen to the dick show.

Yeah, and do it. And they still fucking. And they're listening to a show about fuckups and everybody fucking up while they're simultaneously fucking up. Yeah. Like cows. Ugh. Okay, this is from Anthony Charles Cordero S. Quire.

It's called When the Law Suitimplodes. Very good. Wonderful song. It's been the Dick Shoe, see you next Tuesday. Wonderful song. It's been the Dixia, I'll see you next Tuesday. It's like a drunk Paul Simon. Yeah. Now I don't know, I don't know I don't know where I'm gonna go in the lawsuit and plugs

Let me say now, I don't know, I don't know Some cost me 5 grand I don't know where I'm gonna go when the law soon uploads 80s girl belong to me But she went home with Dick you see So for smoke up in my eyes Pretty soon I'll start to cry It's like Caribbean with the bow diddly bee

Let me hear you now! I don't know I don't know I don't know where I'm gonna go in the lawsuit clothes A mental gesture she said to me Let's get involved with cuckoldry A mental gesture she said to me Let's get involved with cuckold drink Ha ha ha ha ha I'll call the school then things get hot

Ha ha ha ha And get some gold And chill be my ear on the spot Let me say now I don't know I don't know. I don't know. I don't know where I'm gonna go in the lawsuit of Plodz. Jessica, I read Blum, please, gentlemen. That's not a doctor by the way. It's not a public commentator. It's like saying, don't

do this thing. It's not, it's not doxic. Get it through your head. you stupid can you be? Time to count just what I'm worth My brain just left the planet earth Where I go, I'll bring dick's fun Hey, a dog by the way, I'll hand some some Now I don't know Nick Rikita found out that Manic's lawyer has like a bunch of criminals I don't know It has like in bin and all that a bunch of criminals

Those court cases against him Shocking Like the people versus Kevin Landau, there's a couple of them I don't know Dorx versus Kevin Landau I don't know. Dogs versus Kevin Landau. I'm in the house. I'm in the house.

Doppertroll. Class action. But you're a bad wick. Don't want to steal. No, I'm a stale. Don't want to steal. No mancocks, parody, legal grounds. All right, all right, all right, all right.

I forgot to read out of this book. I got this great. It was great. That was Anthony Charles S. Quirr. I started reading out of this. A step-by-step guide to overcoming explosive anger. The rage book that the RC guys, the angry ones, sent. Are you a sudden rager?

Was the page I opened up to? You have to identify what kind of a rage you are in this book. Does my anger come on both very quickly and very intensely? This is a question. Let me see who's, let me keep track of who's who's here. Keon, what would you say? Are you, you can answer dishonestly. It's okay, you're not under oath.

In that case, no. Okay, no. Sean, what would you say? What does your anger come on very suddenly? Yours. Oh, mine? Yes. Okay, yes yes I'm obviously

you know do I get so angry that I lose control I put yes do I get so angry that I lose control over what I say or do oh Keanu you're what you're obviously no oh, I can't see you losing control of anything ever. Cool. Sean, not anymore. All right. Losing control of what I say or do, I don't think so. I think that's a no for me too. I'm too. No. Do people say I act strange, scary or crazy

when I get really mad, obviously, I'm a yes? Sean, again, not anymore. I don't know, that episode, remember when all those girls were here and something fucked up and you deleted, like the first. And yes, yeah, that was scary. Okay, everyone was scared.

All right, sure. You mean not in the last couple of months, you're fine. Yeah, yeah, Keon. I have gotten that before. Okay, yeah. That's just because of your size. Yeah, yeah. Keon. I have gotten that before. Okay. That's just because of your size. Yeah, pretty much. There's nothing to do with what you're saying or doing.

That's sweet of you to say. Have I blacked out, not from alcohol or drugs when I become very angry? So I do not remember things. Basically, are you an incredible Hulk? Yeah. Whoever experienced a terrible Hulk? Is that a thing? I mean, I thought that was like a bogus defense. Yeah.

Of course it's, who knows what are you allire is this question? Obviously no, that's not a real thing. A Keon, have you ever turned into a werewolf? We've got so much. I mean, have you blacked out from alcohol? Yes. No, not specifically not from alcohol or drugs.

Yeah, why don't you listen to the fucking question. You're scaring me, Sean. You're scaring me. Do I get so angry that I worry I might seriously harm or kill someone? I'm not angry when I'm afraid I'll do that. So no, Sean. What?

Oh, when you might harm or kill someone, when I'm so angry, am I honestly scared? I'll do it worried worried, worried, a little case of the worry wards. No, because I don't think no, because I don't think I would be worried. That's the most honest thing I've said on the show ever. Okay. Keon, that's a no, definitely.

Yeah, we're about hurting people's feelings, I guess. That's three no's, we're all the same. Do I feel like I become a different person when I get angry as if I'm not really myself? I feel like myself when I'm angry, so no. Sean, no, I know that's a part of me, I know very well. So, I'm think we're doing this survey right? I'm keep on doing it.

Like a different person that you're formed to yourself? Like, no, no, no. I feel really alive when I'm really laying into somebody big time, like I want them to mess. I want them to fuck with me. I was taking back, I was taking back my brother-in-law got me wireless beats headphones for Christmas and a gift receipt because they know that's my favorite gift is a gift receipt. Absolutely. I took it back and I on the way there, I was like, I know

I'm ramping myself up like a Viking beserker hitting myself in the face. I'm like, I fucking know that they're not gonna, this isn't gonna be easy. Getting all ramped up like, oh yeah, I'm gonna really fuck, I'm focusing my power on my G. And I'm gonna hammer whoever makes the fuck up of, sorry sir, this is 31 days,

this is, this is, you only can exchange it in 30 days. Ooh, they're gonna get that for us so the mighty dick of Sippy River on them. So the woman rings it up, this little girl. She goes, she looks, I say, yeah, here you go. I'd like store credit because I wanna get, and I pad it with this, because you always give them a because.

Just give everybody a because for everything no matter what, even if the because is because I want it. People are in the brains, they're conditioned to do things if there's a because attached. That's good. Even if it's they're gonna get something back. Can you give me your Coke because I want the Coke?

They will still, it will still work. It's a studied short circuit in the human brain. I said because I wanted to get, so she goes, she looks at it, and she looks down at her little screen, and I'm like, oh, here it comes. Here it comes, you bitch. And that's my start, my eyes go white.

Oh, sorry. And she goes, one second, and then she turns your man and she goes, can I get a manager override over here? It's like, oh, so, oh, well, I guess, I guess I'm just gonna go to kind of think about my life. I'm a little bit. You're all ramping up. Not today, Rage. Not today.

Not today. Back in the cage. You're gonna have to go to McDonald's and fuck up a coke order. Who's fucked something up in the store? Dude, just point secretly to your wife or husband if they fuck something up Just give him a little give me a little Around the head around the back. Ah this guy fucks up. I'm up there getting it the getting it Do I become instantaneously furious when I feel that somebody has insult and or threatened me? Oh, yeah

You sure yes, Keon threatened. Yeah. Yes, Keon. Threatened. Yeah. Yes, threatened, of course. That's healthy. Do I snap even for a short period when I get angry? It's not a short period, no? What's very protracted? You mean snap, like snap at someone? I don't know, it doesn't say.

Yeah, I'll do that. What do I? Yeah, okay, Keon. Sure. No. No. All right, so I got one, two, three out of, three out of one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, three out of eight. Sean, you got one, two, three, four out of eight.

You're more of a rage than me. Keon, you only got two out of eight. That means you are one fourth of a man. Damn, is that feel? All right, that's the IRC guys. Sent that little present in it. I got another present. means you are one-fourth of a man. Damn, is that feel? All right, that's the IRC guys. Sent that little present in it.

I got another present. Lusos sent in a delicious dickle whiskey. Got a dickles lot, got low cash in your dickles if you want them. Your story about sending the underpriced Lusos says your story about sending the underpriced liquor to Nick reminded me to send you this bottle and close the bottle of a hundred dollar DICKLE!

Select barrel. However, Alabama is an alcohol beverage control state. So on occasion, the government run liquor store accidentally, mislabeled their liquor. I think he's doing his toilet and so I'll stop reading. And then somebody sent me, was it, who's big bear? Who sent, oh fuck, somebody sent this awesome chia Trump. Look at that. Look at this.

If I've killed everything I've ever tried to grow, I'm gonna actually try to tend to this. Yeah. Beautiful Trump hair with a chia seeds. That'll be fun. Full growth in one to two weeks. Yeah. Doesn't indicate when America will be great again, but it does say when the hair will come in. of chia seeds. That'll be fun. Full growth in one to two weeks. Yeah.

Doesn't indicate when America will be great again, but it does say when the hair will come in, all right, thanks man. I think that was, as it comes with these little Amazon things, where you've got to go to a URL to see who sent it to you. Oh. It's like, what?

Can you just print them on the fucking thing? I got to go to your website to get, I got to be reminded of, that's whatever. That's weird. Let's play some Facebook news. I love this. See it. This is me too. My favorite skid. Hello dick and hello dickheads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. Oh my goodness. Jamie's trying to signal me. What's that? Oh my god. And Randy. Randy. Randy fucking painted this. Randy fucking painted this. It's really amazing.

This Rage Tea Party with Sean and me and Astereos are very, a very unflattering depiction of Astereos. It's supposed to be a secret. Oh, was it? A guy. Oh, all right. A guy. That was supposed to be a secret.

Well, so how is that a secret? So you're Captain hook, right? He's somebody painted that. He's the man on our Randy Johnson, the picture of a big unit painted that. He's talking about how he didn't tell you at first. Are you talking about, I don't know, Keon usually knows what he's talking about.

I don't know. That's a. Why would someone keep this talent a secret? That's a very good question. Well, he's like, because he's, he doesn't know. That's a. Why would someone keep this talent a secret? That's a very good question. Well, he's like, he's, he's, he's very quiet. Like he doesn't volunteer things. You know, like it's,

There are shifty people, the Japanese, with their sneaky attacks. And sneaky gifts as well. Sneaky art attacks. Living die by the sword. I think that's one of their motto. So the sneak. All right, let's just do, I don't want to talk. Now it's weird.

That it's okay. Well, okay. No, I'm joking. I'm going to see the picture of a stereo set anyway, because it's really excellent. Yeah, it's pretty great. There it is on the video stream. If you know, that's awesome. All right. All right. Facebook news. Hello, Dick, and hello, Dickheads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. aforementioned, Facebook group news potential stalker, Lizzie, asked Dickheads for advice. Lizzie wants to know how to sneak weed through an airport.

Dickheads recall tales of accidentally getting machine gun ammo onto a flight. And Johnny Olson, who you may remember for using fraudulent pistick at a job, recall the tale of being blacked out on Xanix and having an eighth of dope in his pocket. It's also worth mentioning, Johnny was on a flight to Miami for rehab on this happen. Other suggestions included taking edibles with you, storing the class A drug and the checked luggage

because check luggage is, of course, less scrutinized, and not doing it at all. The dickheads who suggested tonight even try it were chastised by fellow members and called gays. Yeah, fun sees. Next up is Mike Colbert, who posted a rage that explained how the temporary receptionist at his job with a straight face asked him, where is the internet?

Is that a computer? This was on my first day on the job. But it wouldn't be the worst thing that happened to Mike that day. Later on, on January 31st, Mike posts again saying how he almost bought a client because he called the receptionist a cunt. The receptionist went to the bathroom and cried, and despite her being dumb as shit, Mike stood up for the receptionist. The client's account will likely be closed because of the non-payments, and not because of the altercation. clients account will likely be closed because of the non-payments, and not because of the altercation.

Lastly, Dickheads were asked to share the most fucked up thing your parents have ever told you. God's dad pointed a 9mm at his face, huh? Christmas. Logan's stepdad got pissed off on a pocket knife dug into his knuckles because the concrete blocks were getting ruined by his blood, which his parents wished they had gotten an abortion, and Alex's mom tried choking him to death.

This has been the Big Show Facebook news for the last couple days. Oh man, I feel for both the dad and son in that scenario. You fucked around with the pocket knife. Now you're getting blood all over my concrete. Brand new concrete, you fucking ruined it. It's hard to get shut off a concrete. And especially your new concrete, you fucking ruined it. It's hard to get shit off a concrete. And especially your new concrete, man. Oh, after paying for a concrete,

you don't understand how it's expensive. It's expensive and it takes craftsmanship, you know, kids don't understand. Yeah. concrete and fruit, you don't understand how hard it is to keep fruit in the house until you have to buy it. Cause it got to immediately, a much better audio by the way this week. He bought a new microphone.

Sounds much better. Yeah, he bought a microphone. God, that's my favorite thing in the world. The Facebook news. Sneaking weed onto a plane. Uh, I have to, I, as a member of the California State, here we go. I'm required to tell you, please do not do that.

That's the prime you are going to get caught. Oh, yeah. Okay. But I've heard, I've heard guys just put it in there like underpants. Yeah. Oh, there you go. I want, she should call in. See if she got away with it. All right. All right. All right. User one phone call to call Hey, dick from Zach from as a d. Collin. I got a quick quick story for you. So I'm in college and I I've got a group project with this motherfucker. Okay, and We I go up to him after the thing and I'm like okay, so hey, can we meet and get take care of this thing today It'll be soon. It'll be super awesome. You just get it, you know, different thing, you know, worked out it'll be awesome. And he says, no, I can't do it today.

I have a club meeting and then I have eSports practice. Now, for John, when I can just ask eSports practice, I have to go play video games. No, I knew what it was. I'm under the amount of time. Thank you, though. When did this become okay? I never been so fucking angry. And 11 second father has a son as well. I just don't want to do it today. Let's just do it some other time. But like, no, no, I'm just have to go. I'm going to be like, this is my job. I'm going to be a bit bigger. Oh my God. I'm going to be a bit bigger.

I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger.

I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I'm going to be a bit bigger. I Like you're getting a little circle. And we're up to nine to three exercises. And everybody knows drink your butter squash juice

to keep your tendons supple. Oh, what a jerk. What a fucking jerk. Hey, we got to get this, you know, if just the system has put me in this position where I have to rely on your stupid shit for a little bit. Can we take care of this project now?

Sorry, man, I gotta go to East Boyz practice. I gotta go play Wind Walker Zelda for five hours tonight. I have to do it. I have to. If I don't play at least seven hours of Starcraft 2 tonight, the Koreans are really gonna win when the war comes and they decide what the... I'm gonna start calling everything practice

just to get away with it. I'm gonna go to drinking practice. Oh, I can't. Drinking practice, I can't make the recital because drinking practice went really long last night and I'm tired throwing up. So I was late, I was having sex practice in the shower. Yeah.

I wasn't laying on my wrist, humping my wrist anymore. I was trying to jerk off normally and my sex practice went very long. Yeah. He's pants down thick as my eating practice has been, I've been doing a lot of it. Let's just say, my championship eating practice.

All right. Christ. I wanted what a fucking jerk. There you go. You know, play, no, play this for him. Find him and play, hey, buddy, hey, hey, hey, you're the guy. You got to eSports practice. You got to eSports practice.

This is my name's Dick Masterson. I wrote a book called Man of the Women Prep. Perhaps you've heard of it. If you haven't, if you hadn't, you really need it. If you haven't heard of the book or read the book, you're not ready to read it because you're saying shit. Like I have to go to eSports practice. If you're gonna fuck a man,

if you're gonna fuck a man out of his time, just be straight with him. Don't do, don't make shit up, don't make shit up, don't bullshit, don't bullshit people because then you will start to believe the bullshit and you will turn into bullshit. You try to, you lie to people like that with your esports shit lies, that's gonna catch on.

You're gonna become addicted to it. You just practice, it's gonna become you. You think you'd come up with something better than, I mean, I don't think, why would he be lying about esports practice? He's probably the only person that doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. Exactly, it's the concept that he's convinced himself that it's actually practice. That's how deep it goes in this num skull's brain. You just be straight.

It's not practice. It's really open games be straight. It's not practice. I really don't play games. It's fine. They did L.A. Phil. People. I just called in, but you know what? I have another rage. Even better one.

I'm sitting here thinking. So then why the preamble of I just called it. Okay. I'll be I just called, okay. I'll be dick. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Stay dick, El. I have another rage. Even better one.

I'm sitting here thinking. You know, makes me a fucking rage. When I ask my fucking girlfriend a question, it still doesn't answer that fucking question. Like, I'm not home. And my girlfriend will be doing homework. And I'll be like, Hey, they're so much longer. You do think you're going to be doing that homework. Oh, yeah, she'll say, like, some shit like, well, you know, in class, we, uh, we went over, uh, I know that

was people and I kind of got sleepy. So I left class and I got a bagel. Me and my fridge, a living hotout. It it's like bitch. I swear to God I just want to know good star you'll be doing your homework That's all I want to know why can't you answer that one fucking question for me. It's a one. It's time It doesn't work that way. It's just answer the fucking question. When are you gonna be ready? Well? I'm almost done blow drying my hair It's the same thing like I'd be like hey they had you did today you'd be like well you know I drove over here and I'm here now I just asked you a question and why are you dancing around this question?

Like, what's fuck? Like, have you guys had a phone? Like, this just, it's not just you. I'm a women man, but fuck, I'm drunk. Later. How much of that cost? Oh, it was less than the one I wanted. Let me talk to you for a minute.

Come outside. I need like a mafia, a chick mafia. Yeah. Like I need like a trans woman to come over and talk some sense and, yeah. Hey, she'd call him up. Hey, yeah, she did the thing with the, yeah, it's not an answer. With the telling about her day thing. Yeah, I need help.

Can you send over, I'm trying not to say Cesar Milan because that's sexist, but I can't think of another joke. He sent him over. He's being to that. Right. Right. Give me a number. He might need us. Bring a squirt bottle. Look, I'll listen to the story.

If you just, if you just promise me that there's going to be a number at the end of it, don't lost me. Don't give me a smoke moths. I asked you very clearly. When do you want to go to dinner? Well, well, I am hungry. All right. That's a good one. Yo, what's up, dick?

Johnny from Ad. Johnny from ad Johnny from ammy here, you know make the arrange People try to convince you to move up to the shithole that where they move to We've ever had friends who move to a shittole kind of Like a lady with like some other Non-metropolitan area where you can see that they're not having very, you know, even though there might be a nice sitting nearby

where you can go and have a few drinks get shit-based and come back home and then over. No, they don't wanna admit that it's boring. They're like, oh yeah man, it's great, it's great. When you go to visit time, it's a little boring, you know, you go and you have some fun at the city, you go back to their place and it's just too you know you go and you have fun at the city you go back to their place And it's just too quiet, you know if you live in the city we got a place

where the Marty have either we can do whatever but there it's just a little quiet little too quiet there's kind of a club to bar they're trying they're to constantly trying to invite you over that I'm and you know I saw thought great house over here for sale uh... dot dot dot the near dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot future. Just come on, you're all come on. Just add the fricking man. He's got his eyes on the prize. Yeah. Nothing will dissuade him. Man, it pisses me off, man. Because it's like, yeah, how about you go back to the city? You don't see me.

You know, you'll seem really happy. Why the fuck if you're going to live somewhere? Why would you rent a house? That's the weirdest thing to me. Why do people rent houses? That's my second race today. What the fuck is the point of running a house?

If you just came for someone else's watching land taxes. Cash is the reason. People on cashmob. People on cashmob. I think we'll fuck yourself. Thank you, Johnny. Thanks. My whole family tries to do that.

They try to get me to move up to Valencia with the most cockamamious schemes. So I've lived out there for years. There's nothing. It has no redeeming quality. No, you don't need to be there. You've been there. No, the houses are all very tiny. It feels like everything takes forever. Yeah. There. Yeah. It feels like a level of hell. There's a mall. Oh, well, it doesn't really fit my lifestyle of going to like, like, it doesn't fit my lifestyle of going to bars where they make it look like there's no ceiling, right? And they have chalkboards of Rick and Morty quotes. You guys don't have a single chalkboard with a Rick and Morty quote and you're whole town. It's a joke to me.

It hasn't even, Rick and Morty hasn't even aired there yet. Yeah. You guys, it's incompatible with my value. Stop talking to me about, stop, stop trying to convince me to move to your town. Everybody. Stop trying to convince people to move to, you fucked up. Unfuck it up. Don't try to sink more people into it. It is a numbers game, but stop it.

Hey, yeah, this is a Luc loose those calling it from Atlanta, Georgia. I'm just here with a brother and you know, it makes me a fucking rage. You know, it's like five o'clock on a Friday. We're drinking or drunk already. We're in some three. But let me see a fucking rage. Hey, say, hey, look at this. Hey, listen to this.

Hey, well, that's just a fucking rage is when you go to a bar and there's just like a group of five girls sitting there and you get Coxbox plus a gay guy like their gay friend has been waiting for he caught watching you as a man that's fucking unacceptable and then it's gonna be a great each. That's that guy. Alright, I'm gonna go on. That was probably wise. I mean, just gay is the target. Alright, that's the friend I assume.

The brother maybe. I could see Lucia's getting stumped by a gay guy. Oh, pretty easily. Do you think? That's not a slight. Just like rock paper scissors, you know? I don't get stumped by. I would not get cock blocked by a gay guy.

No, I think you'd probably up the ante. Yeah. You want to, I'll show you a gay guy no i think you probably up the ante yeah you want to sell your gay that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the role-playing in jobs thing. I took a range safety officer course this one time. And the guy running it had obviously practiced all these extremely elaborate, like I understand it if a guy turns around and flags everyone with his gun. But Elliott Roger is not going to show up to the shooting range, you know, on a yearly basis or whatever. It's not an issue that's going to come up, but he'd got all these like, oh, what if a crazy person shows up? What if such and such happens? It was just, I was like, I think Apple a guy to the ground if he want me to, but is that what we're

here to practice, buddy? So I can't stand that kind of, because they never represent what you're actually going to be experiencing on a day to day basis, that role playing in the career. Imagine if I was such as such, it's stupid. Also, I wanted to mention a serious block on Facebook in like the biggest problem era like two years ago or something for making fun of him watching that children show and Steven University 35 30 year old man watching a show design for children. And obviously, what is wrong with you, dude? You're a giant man child.

Side by. I know what you're saying. But you haven't said anything wrong with the show. You're not making sense. There's a eroticized show for children. What are you talking about, dude? All right, that's all I got. I do hate that role of playing in jobs or anything. Like, he's talking about like a gun range.

Okay. So now, they give the little spiel and then they ask the most obvious questions in the world, right? Like, they'll start, okay. Do you, A, ignore it? Yeah. Do you, A, check that your those stars. Yeah. Okay. Do you a, ignore it? Yeah. Do you a, check that your gun is unloaded all times.

Two, carry it safely. Three, the gun's loaded until you yourself check it or D, all of the above. I'm, I really hate this and I hate you. I don't want to answer it. I just want to sit here forever until we turn into skeletons. Yeah. I'll be right back. I'm going to go load my gun. Sometimes these questions, it seems like they're not necessary. When I got my California fire arm safety license, you know, you have to take that 30 question test. Yeah. And I just took it to get that shotgun. Yeah. You people made these

questions necessary. Yeah. Unfortunately, we did. Yeah. but so you, you don't even have to study for it really. It's just a series of 30 questions. How do you not be a dumbass with a gun? Yeah. And so you forget that a few months ago you were talking about, I'm always looking for that Mr. 101, the guy who could end this problem by just having one IQ point above the average. And the last time I was in a gun store, this great place in Culver City, Martin B. Redding,

I think it's called, go buy your guns there. It's like, walking back in time, you go and they just have guns hanging out. Like you just pick up off the shelf and play with them. You don't have to ask? No, you know, they're just there. I hate that part, ask. How can I see that one? Oh, can I see that one?

Oh, can I see that one? It's a great store. But I saw someone taking this test and he got like 13 answers wrong. God damn. You know what? Give him two guns. And free ammo for life. Darwin award right there.

Exactly. It's a problem that'll cure itself. But yeah, so I can see why some of these dumbass questions are necessary even though I hate them They're a waste of time for us and everyone who's you know above 100 Yeah, but maybe for everyone else saving Savin their dumb ass kids from getting killed in the car. No, I want a badge that I can flash Hey, I'm the non I'm in the non Certified not dumb. Yeah. Hi. I'm a regular person

I'm in the non-mortem. Certified not dumb. Yeah. Hi, I'm a regular person. I'm not an animal and a human being skin that has to be subject to these stupid tests, this role-playing shit. All right. Hey, Dick, this is Aaron in California, and I just wanted to call in and say, don't mix being a rake.

I mean, you're driving somewhere and it's like low speed, like sacred apartment complex or parking out or something. And the dipshit in front of you decides to stop the car and have a conversation with another dipshit. They have a sudden event. So effectively blocking traffic on both sides. This is happening at work and I'm driving around and I want to rear in the end just the 10 miles per hour.

Nothing serious. Just let them know I mean business. Oh shit, it makes me so angry. Yeah. Because everyone's the 1% that everyone hates. As soon as they get in their car and see the ultimate luxury of someone else getting in a car, come here though. Oh, hey, what's going on here in your car?

Yeah, me too. We're just driving up. We're just using all this technology and money to sit in our car stock and do each other. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, well see ya. They come up with things to talk about. Like they don't, if they were just walk, if they were in the same car, they wouldn't have shit to say.

But they see somebody, these people, they see somebody coming at them in another car, and I'm like, oh man, I gotta start coming up with things to talk about. You have so much in common. Where's my topic list? Yeah. How are you going? Yeah. Shut the fuck up drive your car

He should that that'll be a national hero the guy who rearing somebody and then just goes on TV He's like they were fucking talking to each other in the middle of the road. Yeah, everybody like Innocent totally send that guy a metal send that guy a metal Trump probably would Congressional matter of metal freedom or the presidential metal of freedom one get out of jail. He'll pardon you Yeah, there you totally you totally had a common we all hate him somebody pardon me Who are you guys rooting for in the super in the big game? Yeah, the big game because you you can't, you know, Super Bolza licensed.

The TSA isn't actually responsible for weed, hat buckles said, I found that out after sneaking my dugout from Austin to the Chicago show and back. The dogs aren't the kind that are trained to sniff for drugs. Really? Are they trained to, they're trained to sniff for bombs? Yeah, the TSA ones are, but that doesn't change the fact that there are still,

I don't know if they're DEA or some agents in big major airports who just walk around back there with their German Shepherd or Beagle or whatever. Yeah, but the TSA ones aren't. Yeah, less dogs. Yeah, it's not TSA, it's a different agency. I wouldn't have that weed into my bag, I'd have it on my person.

Cause I can keep myself away from dogs better than my suitcase can. Yeah, you know? Sure. That's my dick tip anyway. Yeah. All right, see you guys. I would advise everyone to not follow that dick tip.

I would, I would do that. If I were doing that, I accidentally took a bunch of weed through customs and Belgium. Was that where we were getting on the train? Sean and I were in Amsterdam. Yeah, Sean and I did a whole train train travel through Europe. Yeah. Not the time we drove. This is different, a different time.

Yeah, before and we went to Amsterdam. With the British girl, we got tattooed. I got a tattoo. And we, we were in Amsterdam getting high and drinking John Smith for like days, days, we drink an entire keg. That guy told us specifically an Amsterdam drink their entire keg. That guy told us specifically, an amp-shade. I remember drinking their entire keg of transmit.

Yeah. Anyway, I bought, I went, I'll silly and bought all this weed, because I like doing bad things. So I had this huge brick of weed in amp-shade. And I wasn't, my plan was, the weed, the big brick of weed,

all the amp-shade and money. Was it, it wasn't the Euro yet, was it? Oh, I think they had the Euro. It was my train tickets. I had tram tickets and a big old thing of weed that I couldn't use because Amsterdam only obviously Metro doesn't take those. And I was going to find a guy who just got to Amsterdam at the train station and he's okay, well here you go.

Enjoy it. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. Welcome to Amsterdam. And I didn't find anybody on the way back to the Amsterdam train station. So we get on the train and I'm still looking for somebody to give this big brick of weed too. And these Amsterdam train tram tickets. Oh, fuck.

Now this is, now it's feeling weird, because I'm like way too obsessed with giving these away to somebody, but I wanted to do it. It's nobody. Everybody was looking like an old local, no, like, you know, you can spot that weed fiend in their eyes. This guy's looking, he's just got here and he's all amped up, we retired.

We get all the way back to Brussels, right? Yeah, well, I get back to Brussels and we're going through customs. And I'm like, well, fuck. I guess, I guess I can't give this weed to anybody. So we're in line for customs and we're next. And there's a garbage, there's all the dogs and the guys and stuff and there's a garbage can.

A garbage can with a slot, like the mouth, like, ah, that mouth, not an open garbage can. And it was like, fuck, I'll just throw this weed away, I guess, and all these train tickets. So I throw it, it's probably 10 feet away. Throw the weed in, sinks in, and I think it was the British girl that we were with, the traveling was just goes, what did you just throw away?

He said, well, I threw away all my weed. And she goes, what country do you think you're in? Yeah. I said, Amsterdam is in Brussels, because Brussels is not an Amsterdam. That is illegal in this country. You just threw a felony into a garbage can in front of Customs from 10 feet away.

I said, well, I didn't know that. Yeah. That's just about exactly how I remember it happening. from 10 feet away and said, well, I didn't know that. That's just about exactly how I remember it happening. I'm just getting arrested by Belgian police. I'm sorry. I thought this was an incident. I thought this was an incident. Oh, man.

I would have been the worst arrest. You're under arrest for a wait. It's legally that you fucking, you touch more on. It's legal. You fucking you touch more on the sleep. That's the only reason I'm in your fucking country. Oh boy. A black guy on America today is this man and file footage 20 cigarettes and I'm like, ah, it's arrested because he doesn't know what country is in.

Said President Obama. I'm pretty sure that guy's Mexican. Don't let him come back. It was Bush. Oh, wow. Bush would have had, it was Bush W. Bush would have had me out of there. It's on that's a mistake everybody makes.

Yeah, all the time. Yeah. As far as I'm concerned, it's legal, globally. Yeah, welcome home. All right. All right.