The Dick Show - Episode 89 - Dick on Getting Caught

Episode Date: February 13, 2018

People who ignore "The Zipper", the mystery of my broken toilet, Smiley my broken handyman, "My House" TV has turned me into a dog, Nick Rekieta calls in with some Hot Goss about Maddox's maybe two or three time DUI lawyer "Dog Bite" Kevin Landau, Asterios' Cernovich sex tape, a special erotic story for Valentine's Day, Sean learns to ride a bicycle, The Skate Mate, being on The Milo Yiannopoulos show, the feminist caliphate, drunk dogs, and the nature of getting caught; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Hey! Yeah! Aaaaahhh! Welcome to Dick! You want to take a new Dick, you love Dick? It's the only show where everything is a lawsuit want to take a unique, you love Dick. It's the only show where everything is a lawsuit coming due from a mountain, bunker deep in the heart

of the city of failure. There's now protected by a security grid, Sean. Yeah. Did you see my security system out front as you were walking onto my compound? I saw a very odd looking ladder leaned up against the front of the house. That's a trick.

Is that a trick? Is that a trick ladder to get people, to get curious folk to climb up on the roof, thinking that they might jetpack down in the back and assault me in some way. Oh, is that right? Yes. Are you hiding the ground jewels?

And then on the top, a top, there's a thing that you stare into and it tells you what your life could've been like if you would've lived up to your potential. Oh, and then you just do a backflip off the roof and kill yourself. Oh yeah, yeah, that would work for me. The ultimate, ultimate in home security. Yeah, what you could have been.

Yeah, yeah. And it's just absolutely horrifying to pile of dead bodies. And the best thing is, you can't resist it. I have a sign out for this is this is what you could have been. People are like, well, I'd like to see that. And they say, well, I mean, why continue living? I've just seen it.

I enjoyed it. I'm satisfied. That's all we need. That's all it would take. Just, oh, why am I gonna work for eight years? Try and get that. I just saw it on TV. Yeah, that's a good black mirror episode.

Don't you think? I haven't seen that show yet. Yeah, you said that's good. Hold on on TV. Yeah, it's a good black mirror episode. Don't you think? I haven't seen that show yet. Yeah, you say that's good. Hold on a second, what's going on? Towels. Why are you in your towel? Because I don't want to get my news all wet. Oh, okay, all right.

Ma, concrete bunker in the side of a mountain. I'm your host, stick master's in the $20 million man. The $20 million man. The $20 million. The $20 million back up to 20, because Patreon's checks came through. Oh good, back up to $20 million man. The $20 million man. The $20 million. The $20 million. I'm back up to 20, because Patreon's checks came through. Oh good, back up to 20 million. Okay. Thank you everybody for helping me defend myself in this lawsuit.

It's getting even lozier and lozier. Yeah. Every fucking day gets lozier with the lawsuit. I don't know who found this out. I was with me. He's always shown the audio engineer. Hello, Deck. Hey, what's up, buddy?

Joining us today is news, babe. Jamelon Hughes, the very, very beautiful, very wonderful, very Texan, L.A. Phil, Jamelon Hughes, I can't tell you. Hey, all right. It's getting loads of you over by the day. We'll all suit. Yeah. I'm all jazzed up because I was just on my low show.

Yeah. The Milo yee and I play a show. We talked about, we talked about getting banned from Twitter. We talked a little bit about Pussy and Painas. Yeah, as motivators. Sure, because he was saying, why don't I, how come you, he asked me, you're able to survive all these assaults on your PPR

and your personal and professional reputation. What's missing? How come I can't do that? How come the bastards beat me? And I say, well, I have two enormous motivators in my life. Yeah. The fans, the people who just drive the truck every day, who are out there who are sneaking away after they put

the kids to bed to listen to the dick show on their phone, to try to drown out the world that's gone crazy around them. That's motivator number one, motivator number two., pussy. Just if I do a good enough show, I'll get to go to heaven, which is a giant pussy that you only need to fuck once and then you die. Ah, the, you know, better than Islam. Yeah, that's my heaven. You get to, you get total, you get to kiss total oblivion. You get to fuck a pussy so good. That's it. You transcend, you turn into light. Yeah.

When you come. Pure energy. Pure energy. That's quite the suicide bomb. Yeah. The mylo, you didn't have that. Does mylo think that the bastards have one? Um, I think beaten him.

Uh, whatever, whichever is good for ratings, I think. Okay. I invited him to come on the show. He said he would. Good, if he was in town. I really, really need to get a stereos in on that episode. He would. That's right.

He promised. He gave me a penis swear. Uh, oh, they don't do pinky swear. Right. They put their pain, weeners a wrap them around in a little twist. So that's why you were wearing those VR goggles. Yeah. So you make it official.

I had to pull my pants up real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I put it down. So I did just penis war with Milo. Yeah, I really hope it's serious, because Zero's fucking hates Milo. He's always shooting me these chilling peppers. Like, well, did you know that he,

that he embezzled this Milo? I don't give a fuck about it. I don't care about any, what do you get, he's funny. I don't give a fuck about who I don't care about. What do you get? He's funny. What do I give a shit? I'm still like, I'm gonna be a little from fucking me. If he's that funny, he's hilarious.

Wouldn't that be great? Look, hysterios. How does hysterios feel like he can defect? Like he can come down on Milo, but I mean, he's getting sued for $20 million. That's right. He must have done something for harassment. That's right.

He is, he's been perpetrating this, this bald harassment for a year. I mean, he's boxed a mod from the Donald. What have he just, what have he argued? What have he tried to stump Milo with his stupid chili peppers? He's like, here, his stereo sends me a video.

Here's Milo harassing a trans student at a rally. Like, come on, it's a fucking rally. Everybody goes to a rally to pop off and shoot their hot peppers at each other, you know? You can't, you can't, give me a, give me a break. It's fun for these people. They like it, it's like they're sports, Sean. Well, yeah. All this victimization and shit,

it's like, because sports got too boring for us. Finally, politics, they combined sports with professional wrestling, too much drama, too much silliness based on nothing. I don't feel anything from it, because I don't have the sense that it impacts me. Okay. Right?

But sports, too complicated. You gotta know these, you can't just walk up to a game and appreciate it without understanding the complex codex of rules that goes into infield fly rules and why somebody's going for a two point conversion, why that might be exciting. And who's kissing, who's children on the mouth? You've got to know all these things to understand why it's so great to see a fucking Patriot of clouds. You got to know these, you got to understand. That was pretty great. Oh, that's great.

Yeah, that's great. For you got to know these things. It's not that it's not that like 98% of the nation cares about Philadelphia and their sports teams. It's that like 99.9% of the nation hates the New England Patriots and teams from Boston. Yeah. Speaking of which Diego's trying to put together road rage Boston. Really? Okay. And what in two weeks? Yeah.

How's that going? Sold out. It's very sold out. Sold out. Sold out and nothing we can do. When the tickets go on, go on so very sorry that people aren't gonna get to go Fucking sucks. We tried to get a new place tried to get more chairs in Well, I offered to let let people sit on Sean's lap Get 10 people on there. Yeah

Maybe we could maybe we could have a give a give up your lap like like an Uber, but it's for lap seats. Sean just turned dead ahead with this like dead pan looking his eyes. I'm imagining 10 people sitting on him. I'm fine with all of that. Yeah. But we need like some kind of a weight limit. Oh yeah. Yeah.

We don't want it to be. You want it to be nice and heavy so you could feel there manly. We put some constraints on it. This could be doable. All the chick and soy boys. Soyly. We put some constraints on it. This could be doable. And soy boys. Soy boys. I think chicks, only chicks.

The funny turn. China will be sitting around with a totem pole of hot chicks. On them, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, the one on the top goes, real crazy. All right. Okay, I love it if stereo is called in when Milo's here. Yeah. Nothing would make me happier than that.

Yeah. Okay, the lawsuit happier than that. Yeah. Okay, the lawsuit, the funny stuff in the lawsuit, Nick Riquita is calling in somebody, somebody found, I don't know who did it, maybe it was Nick found this. He keeps saying Riquita. Riquita. Yeah.

Nick Rackets. Nick Rackets. They found that there's a, you know, Maddox's attorney, Dog Bite Kevin Landau. Yeah, Dog Bite Kevin Landau. Yeah, yeah, no, no. Dog Bite Kevin Landau. Yeah, Dog Bite Kevin Landau. Yeah, yeah, no, no. Dog Bite Kevin Landau, that's what people are calling him. Right.

He's, he had a couple of, I think they were open cases like the people versus him. I had heard that and it apparently, yeah. It appears like he might have gotten in a couple of, he might have gotten in a couple of a, a drinky drive-eroo, yeah.. Yeah, incidents little yeah a little too much drinking Well too much not enough driving little little you know too much little too much rain Look look it's different when you get caught. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's up. That is an important

Lesson in life to know That's a, that is an important lesson in life to know whoever gets caught is guilt dear because we've got to weed that jeans from the gene pool. That's why it's the second kid gets caught in class. Yeah, because you are the week, you're the weakest link, dude. You got caught. Yeah, because you reacted. So, you see, that's, they always get the retaliation in sports too. Yeah, the ref always takes the guy who retaliates

against the in like in hockey. He didn't see the first one. No, but the second guy's like, oh, fuck you. He did it. I'm doing it. It's like, not you're going. Well, he did it too. Yeah, but you got caught.

So you did it. Like, if you don't get caught, it didn't happen. No matter what it is, and the quicker you learn that the more successful you will be, that's how life works. No matter what it is, and the quicker you learn that, the more successful you will be. That's how life works. That's it, it's right. It's just that how it is. That is how it is.

So if you get caught doing a DUI, you are worse than everyone who is doing it. Because you did something, you did something that got you caught. You understand? And we might be, I don't know, I have to verify this, but we might be dealing with a breathalyzer on the ignition situation as well.

This was also sent to me. Oh boy. Yeah, that's like the drunk chick from 40-year-old virgin. I've known a couple of people who had that. Oh my God, I gotta get to court. Yeah, that's gotta be pretty embarrassing. You cannot walk around with a real sense of pride, having a blowing device, an ignition lock.

No, where you have to- You're a fucking minister society. Yeah. How many do you, I cases, do you think he are used? And they are not aware of it? I don't know, dogs aren't allowed to drive. And dogs definitely aren't allowed to drink. If you get a dog drunk and that dog drives somewhere, free pass.

There's no way, I don't know, this is zero. Because frankly, I'm impressed. And then he bites somebody, that guy deserved it. Yeah, if a drunk dog drove to your house and bit you, that's why free pass. Yeah, you've got to really be a dick to get a drunk dog to bite you. Because really all they, all they want

are like courting the land is gonna convict a drunk dog, a driving dog just wants like belly rubs. They just want to pass out. That's all they want. Like I mean, you've got to be an asshole to get it to one dog to bite you. Yeah. You got to be taunting him multiple times

as though you were taunting the law by getting multiple to twice. Yeah. So we get a look into this. I've ordered all the documents from the court, the court where they were filed just to see who it is. Yeah.

I want to do my due diligence. I don't just take in information that people give me and repeat it recklessly, right? I need to do my own research and work. And then I need to get people to verify it for me because I don't think so good. Okay, well we got here. Valentine's Day this week,

you do anything romantic for. It's, you know what, it's the end of the season of obligation. I couldn't, it's, yeah. That's what Valentine's Day is to me. And it's like a last little shiv. It's like you got shiv, you got shived all Christmas season by your family.

They come up to you like Caesar and they say, stab you in your penis and then take your money. And then as they're walking away Valentine's day as your wife or your girlfriend just spits right in your face while you're bleeding money out in the out in the shower and the prison that is life. But I'm grateful for it. Because at least it's not getting stabbed. Just getting a little, just getting spit on gotcha

Ended it up a little bit. Yeah, into the season. Oh, thank god. I get out of here. You bitch Fuck you. Get the hell out of here with whatever whatever. It's the you know You need special plans I'm not aware of any special plans yet. It's mine Smart man. You're playing the, you've got a long con. With the, I'm kind of, who am I conning? Myself? That's ladies.

Oh yeah. With the, I'm out to lunch. I don't even do these types of things. Low expectations, right? Well, is that right? Yeah, she's rolling her ass. No one should, no, yeah. No one ever has expectations for me.

Okay, I've got. So early disappointed. I'll tell you what makes me rage this week. I've got multiple, multiple people I'm upset with this one. I've got an upside down toilet now in my life. What? You know how passionate I am about my toilets. You've got an upside, okay, we'll let this go.

And the functioning of the toilets and how it is, how it degrades my user experience in the world, almost more than anything else is the toilet. Yeah, I've got an upside down toilet handle. Oh no. And my upstairs, that's worse than the flush button on the top. Yes, right?

Because everybody who uses it makes some kind of fucking smart ass comment about that my toilet is upside down and the flush handle is upside down. Like, it's the funniest, stupidest thing in the world. Hey, dick, I don't know if you know this, but your toilet flusher is upside down. Like, yes, yeah, dude, you think a guy ends up with an upside down toilet flushing handle and he doesn't know about it.

How did this happen? Some mother fucker at my super bowl party broke my, broke my toilet and didn't tell me about it. So I'm, I'm having my own usual suspects. clue, more like clue, cause there was a weapon involved, but it was either Keon or Diego, or Diego's beautiful girlfriend, or Jamie Lynn Hughes, or 80s girl, or me, possibly me myself,

and I'm making a big deal about it to make everyone feel bad. Some, someone, someone used their fist like a sledgehammer and flushed my toilet so hard that the handle broke off and then didn't say anything about it to me. Like this is, they just ruined the most important thing in my house, the most important thing, and then just went about their business. And they actually could, the only way I would fit back on was backward, upside down. That is another issue.

It wouldn't even work. Like they flushed it so hard that it was destroyed. Wow. They broke something. You know, fucking at the man's toilet. And it's just a plastic. You know what I've been asking. Almost worth it to catch that son of a bitch doing it.

It would be. Now I've got all these security systems for my anti-matics protection. I'm gonna put them in every, and now I just watch my house TV. Yeah. It's like HGTV except it's just my house. And I sit there like Howard Hughes

just looking at these people like a dog. I said they're like a fucking dog. Shitting into an extra large popcorn from when he lived in the movie theater for a couple of months. Watching these people go by my way. Err, er, er, this guy's, now I understand my dogs, I like that because that's all they have to watch all days.

My house television, but I got the bug for, excuse me, I got the bug for surveillance now. I see. So I'm gonna put them up everywhere in the bathrooms and catch these fucking club fisters that come over. No, my first suggestion. You're gonna put them in the bathrooms?

You didn't do it, just illegal everywhere except the whole, my guess, right? But I was going to say that was my first suggestion for your four cameras for one to go in the bathroom. But I was one who reported this toilet, a handle issue, and then I was like, I'm not really a handle- I'm over here again.

Toilet, vandalism. And the one who reported it. So I, why would I do that if it was- Well, for exactly the reason. Because you waited till the next day to do it. No, I should not have done it at the party. When at the party? I, you were sitting on the couch and I walked up,

I was like, tap, tap, um, someone. Someone broke your toilet all the way this time. Not, but not you finished the job. That is exactly what you would do if you had broke it. No, really. Because you know I would make a big deal about it, right when you did it and make up funny nicknames And you'd have to sue me for $20 million if he's so devastating

That's what someone would do who did break it. All right. Well, we can add that to the list of considerations in this game of Bathroom clue. Okay, so then You know my contractor smiley my handyman smiley put in the wrong door. Yeah, I had him come over I said just make that but make it right here. And he puts in a fucking marble art. He puts in a door that is a circle on the top, instead of a flat line. And then I said, what do you think about this? He gives me that.

Yeah. That, eh. Yeah. I was like, all right, smiley, do it a fucking again. I know it's wrong, but you're not really going to send me back to home. I don't have to go back to home, deep, oh, do it. I'm going, all right, smiley, do it, do it, and fucking again. I know it's wrong, but you're not really gonna send me back

to home. I don't have to go back to home deep. Oh, do it again. Do it again. That's my favorite line now, do it again. So smiley comes over and he puts the, I say, look, this is, I need the security cameras installed and not a fucked way.

Correctly. I need some motion sensing lights. And I need this. I need the door that you put in eight months ago painted. Like you said, you were going to do eight months ago. And smiley gives me is that's like the, that's the defense mechanism for, for contractors. Anytime, anytime something goes wrong with them, they just go, ee, they give you a ee. They even, they just send you that by text too.

Hey, smiley, you showed up today. ee, they sent me the little ee sign. There's an emoji for that, I've seen that. Yeah. It's for contractors. Yeah. Paint the door and fix this fucking, fix the handle. Yeah. Fix the handle. You this fucking, fix the handle.

Fix the handle. You know how a toilet works, right? Smiley, you got a toilet in it. No, no, no, no. Ew. So I come back. It's not kind of sorta come back after a day of spicy bands, twits working in the meme minds, excavating hot,

spicy goss. I come home for a day of doing my amateur detective, my amateur main spirit detective bullshit. Smiley, I said, hey, Smiley, do you fix that toilet yet? Yeah, nailed it. Go in. Fucking upside down. Unbelievable.

Is it Smiley what's going on? Yeah, that's the best part. He didn't even mention it. He just waited for him to use the bathroom and then I came out and he's just like, Hey, uh, can I just get some? Smiley, come over here. This motherfucker is upside down.

Mechanism, like it was not like- No, I told him to get a new one. Yeah. Because I didn't want to have to cost you for the new one. So I tried to fix this one. He clearly doesn't know how you work. It's like just fix it. Just new one.

Fucking fix it. How much does it $10? You don't think I could pay $10 for a right side up toilet that everybody's gonna make fun of me for? Knowing you, you would 100% of the time want to spend the $10 and get the new one, but he's thinking, fucking dollars.

He's thinking, I deal with people all the time who, oh look, the most important thing in their lives is Saving the $10. Yeah, but he also he fucking charges me he hands me the receipt for all he goes oh Okay, I said just get a new smiley. He goes I tried to put it on the right side up, but it didn't work Yeah, you asshole side up, but it didn't work. Yeah, you asked hold that's what that's why I said it's broken. So when you put it on and it didn't work, that was the first clue that it was that's the way it's supposed to go.

You don't just flip it around until it works. It's not just upside down, it's backwards. Why don't you just put a lever there? Why don't you just expose the iron rod and put a string on it so I can put there it's fixed. It's a chain. Yeah, it's fixed because it fucking works. Well, Because I'll do it next time. Like, guess what you said about the fucking door, smiley, the two or here eight months ago fixing and didn't paint. Yeah, I know he's not and he shows up with his buddy.

Oh no. So how much is this fucking guy? What's his name? He doesn't have a name. He doesn't have a name. Yeah, he was a good guy. Okay. So Smiley puts it in there and says,

oh, next time, next time. Yeah, yeah, Smiley next time. I'll just fix it. I thought I'd take care of this with the whole security camera thing. It would be nice and just a little add-on, you know? Yeah. Not the case.

No, it's become the central focus. Don't fucking worry about it. I'll fix it. It's a good, okay. Here's the receipts of all the stuff that I bought. All right. So I pay him three yogurts from the bill. Here's the receipts of all the stuff that I bought. All right. So I pay them three yoghurt from the airport. I go through after he goes, I'm going through this receipts. I'm like,

I'm seeing Mason redrill bit, three quarters inch drill bits. I'm like, oh, wow, I picked up some new drill bits today. That's cool. God's of the garage. Drill bits are nowhere to be found. Motherfucker's shopping for drill bits and invoicing me. Well, do I have like, rub written on me that people are invoicing me for shit that they eat? I mean, once you use them, they're bad. Oh, yeah, they're bad. He's just doing away with those. Yeah, disposable. He uses them and throws them away.

Every fucking time he comes out, I bought it, I buy him new drill bits. Like fucking Santa Claus. Yeah, well, so I got an upside down toilet. Jesus. And I wanna know who broke it. Yeah, that's, that's, I wanna fucking know who broke it.

Yeah. I gotta find that out. I don't know, someone will break. Someone will crack eventually, because someone noticed it first. Everybody noticed it, and so far I only have one confession, because it was, but, right? So I need to get a timestamp of everybody who noticed it

until I tracked, trace it back to someone who didn't notice it, because they broke it. Okay, right. I have a theory. What's here at Diego? Why? It's it. Because he seems subversive.

I don't know why, but. Why? Diego's a nice guy. Why would you come on and accuse him of breaking the license and toilet? And highly, he's very entertaining. Uh-huh. I don't know. Why do you call him a brown kid?

Yeah, he's a little shifty. I've never gotten that. I've never gotten that from him. Well, he's the only honest one in this bunch. He handles all kinds of invoices and bookings and rentals. Also, I think that there's the possibility lies with two. So Diego and Diego's girlfriend, right? Because I think those two are the only ones

who would be embarrassed to tell you out of the people that were there. You wouldn't be embarrassed to tell me? You should be embarrassed to tell me if you broke that toy. It was all from that show. I'll come and show. It was all from that show.

And I was the one who reported the first time it was broken. I'll find out. I will find out who broke the toilet. it was broken. I'll find out. I will find out who broke the toilet. Get a pot. Order a polygraph. I got polygraphs right here. Yeah, do you?

I fucking know immediately if I'm being bullshitted. Bullshit. Bullshit. Here's what else. Here's what else makes me rage. Okay. People who don't respect the zipper. Oh, okay.

The traffic zipper. You know what I'm talking about? The traffic zipper. Traffic zipper. Merging? Yes. Yeah. We got a nice little system around here.

Yeah. On earth. Yeah. And the US of A. In civilized countries, we have a nice little system where you go, somebody else goes. And the guy in the next lane goes. And even if there's three lanes, it works.

It's a little, it gets a little mushy. Sure, but it works, it keeps us going. It's like a, it's a sacrosanct, it's a commandment. Thou shalt not kill, that's not a concern anymore. Do not disrespect the zipper. Thou shalt not a concern anymore. Do not disrespect the zipper. Thou shalt not skip the zip. That's the new commandment.

Catchy. Thank you. It just came up. You need to, things need to rhyme when people want to them. That's true. Very true. That's true. Johnny Cochrane taught us that.

This motherfucker gave me a beep on the on ramp the other day. Where we going, Jamie and I were going to Dodger Stadium. Empty Dodger Stadium, you ever been there? Empty Dodger Stadium? No, why were you going to empty Dodger Stadium? Just to check it out. Yeah. Because it was cool.

They let you in the parking lot. They let you in the gift shop and then you can go out of the back of the gift shop and go check out the field. The dude at the security gate was cool. It was cool, it's hell. Yeah. I showed up in a rare one. I wonder why. Bumbliness. He's hell. Yeah. I showed up in a rare one. I wonder why.

Bumbling is he's like, what are you doing here? I was like, I just kind of want to go look around. Yeah. Sure that he would say, get that fuck out. Good after 9-11. Are you nuts? Yeah. You stupid fuck.

But he goes, it sounded to me like you said you're going to the gift shop. In which case, make it right and say, wow. That's cool. Yeah. Um, it's cool. Yeah. That's cool. Go to a, that's a good spot. Go hit up, do that for Valentine's Day.

She actually, I actually wanna do that. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, I'll bet. It looks so much brighter. The field looks so much like brighter and smaller and precious. The whole thing looks like a gem. So it's not filled with people throwing

those people, you know, disgusting people. Right, right. Getting caught by the way. Oh yeah, a lot of people threw beer. Anyway, guy, this little motherfucker cuts off my zipper, cuts off my zipper on the on ramp and gives me a honk in this little piece of shit. I wanted to steer my house, the giant truck,

I wanted to steer my giant fucking truck that drives like a house, like I'm towing a house, full, two lane truck. I wanted to steer him right off the goddamn edge, send him to oblivion for that shit. That is blasphemous, cutting the zipper and then honking at it, flaunting your sick misunderstanding of a civilized society, you stupid asshole.

Not only that, but his car was worth like one-sixteenth of yours, little 1992 Honda Civic. He has no right of way. Yeah, his on probably doesn't make much. It's Jamie. Come on. Now, let's not. It's not that's not root. Let's not shame anyone who's driving a reasonably priced older car. There's nothing wrong

with that. Okay. You're saying that as if you're really trying to convince yourself. No, no, you've just I don't want anyone to feel bad. I don't want anyone to feel bad. I don't want you to make more people like when that guy was crying and you made fun of him. Now you're making fun of people who are just driving, who have cars that are perfectly, perfectly functional.

Maybe it doesn't impress you. No. But it's perfectly fine. Yeah, she's getting more LA filled by the day. Yeah, that's fine. Not good enough, not good enough for you. Just a guy driving a, driving responsibly. Just trying to, just trying to make the zipper function.

Oh man, at asshole. It's perfectly okay to take a life in that situation. I'm convinced. I think so too. It's fine. What? I just had a realization in this game of toilet clue. Okay. Why I think it might be 80s girl. Oh boy

Leaving a 80s girl disagrees flat irons plugged in into the bathroom that might burn down a house. Oh Did you do that you want you said that you were threatening to cut someone's Christmas lights? Broken that you said that you were threatening to cut someone's Christmas lights. She broke a bathroom door. You destroyed a bathroom door while the victim cannot afford a smiley to fix that door. I can't, he doesn't do that. He just shows up and tells you and charges you to tell you when he's going to come back and do it. That's his business.

Right. It's every fucking contractor's business. They just show up whenever. They wait, they, I don't know, not a single one of them has a calendar that's written in pen. No, that's why a contractor, like the saying is for twice the price, you can have it six weeks late. That's a contractor.

Oh, wait, what? For twice the price, you can have it six weeks late. You're wise. Because it's gonna cost twice as much as they say it's going to, and it's gonna be late. Oh, oh, so it's. So, yeah, I see. Yeah, always.

Let me see what else I got here. Olympics, Olympics hot tags. Did you see the drone footage? I did, dude, that was frightening as fuck. I thought it was really, really cool. Both. Like, I mean, I didn't go so far as to think, like, why that's frightening. I just looked

at it for what it was. I thought it was a lot of fun. Because other fuckers are making dudes in the air. Oh, yeah. What the hell can't that do then? They could, they could, that thing could turn into like a, just a, a bigger Voltron drone and just pick me up and throw me into the fucking ocean. Yeah. It's going to look like, it's like the bees that chase the cartoon characters all around. And then they turn into like hand things and they smack people and they,

I'm gonna need to dive in a puddle and get a read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Read that of the reads. Except they'll ram themselves right down the read and get in my stomach. Yeah. Chop you up. It's frightening.

Do you wanna watch it? I can see it. I can see it again. Yeah. I don't know. I guess if you've already seen it, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Every fucking, I searched for this thing because I wanted to look at it again and I get

five hot take articles saying, oh, I don't know if you know this, but that drone footage, that was pre-recorded. Oh, yeah. That wasn't live. It's like, it wasn't the fucking live-ness that was impressive. You stupid cock suckers. Like, nobody's uncovering some huge scandal. What a scandal.

You really stumped all those people who actually did something cool with your fucking hot take about how it's not perfect. Did you know that's not their real last name? They changed it for Hollywood. Did you know you used a spell checker? You dense motherfucker and then if you talked and if you typed like you actually think words are spelled,

you look like a moron. Nobody wants to see three fatsoes fudzing around on command prompt live on television. 100 million people don't wanna watch a guy fiddle in troubleshoot with 10 million dollars of drones in front of all of America. Fuck you. Yeah, and I guess they didn't want to do it with all these people in case something fucked

up too. They don't want things hitting people. Let me see here. Here I'm going to play right here. No, I got to turn that shit off again. Is this a video that shows how they did it with like the the body suits with the sensors? I don't think you're right about that body suit should. But I saw it. Okay, you you point out in this video where you see it. Okay, I'm going to I don't think you're I know you said that. It was I didn't say anything down the mountain.

What do I have it? I don't think that is rotoscope. You're talking about like wearing those balls that computer picks up. I think those were just like it's like a mocap. Yeah. I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything down the mountain. What do I have? But I don't think that is rotoscope. You're talking about like wearing those balls that computer picks up. I think those were just, it's like a mocap. Yeah. And let's see. I think it was just synced up because remember it was recorded.

Okay, let's see. All right, let's see. Oh, look at these. Look at these. Why? Trigger. Look at that bird. It's hard to describe.

That bird could pick you up and throw you off to the ocean if you fuck up. I know. Look up your car. You see 1200 drones traveling up the snowy mountain. It's so memorable. Is it snowboarder, man? You're talking about that, Jim?

Yeah, that's right here. See? Two screens? Oh, you're right. I know. But wait, I don't think those are rotoscope balls. Those are just lights. Well, maybe't think those are rotoscope balls. Those are just lights. Well, maybe they don't need rotoscope balls.

Maybe there's a new technology that you're not aware of. Well, those are just lights. That's just like a light vest. Okay, but he's doing the same thing. So clearly they're trying to show some kind of a... Yeah. I think the drones were made by just a guy though, like a designer,

because it looks like a little bit elementary, like polygons. Look. I think it doesn't look human yet. There's nothing like it, but that was cool. There you go. That's the Olympics. Fucking hot takes on it, right?

I mean saying that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like hot takes on what you're driving me insane now. Yeah, yeah. Like if you don't want to stop infecting everybody with your cynicism, everybody's got an opinion before the event has even concluded, even if the event is three minutes fucking long. Yeah. You ever, have you ever seen that before?

Have you ever seen it period? I haven't. You're right about the cynicism. Like, you don't have to be, like, I love cynicism. I mean, it's funny. Like I'm a cynic, but it doesn't, there's a time and a place for it. It doesn't mean all the time.

Just fucking look at it. I'm sitting still about there. It's so interesting. I haven't seen that before and just shut the fuck up and go break someone's toilet. You got other things to do. I'm cynical about Elon Musk's Mars car. Oh, that's fucking, that's what a dick.

Yeah, what a dick. What a show off asshole. What a dick. That's as soon as I saw that, I'm like, shouldn't you fucking figure out how to make a turn of profit without massive government subsidy? Yeah, so go make another oversized, prime bruley torches. What the fuck is wrong with you? It's not a flame thrower at all.

It's like a candy ass, dickless version of a flame thrower that that guy made. I fucking, he's like a walking Disney land. What is he, why, why did he do that? For money. For money. Cause his whole business runs off public money. You go figure out a way to make your car last more than 50 miles

before something explodes or it needs a recharge. The drones are cool though. Like, you know how people say fake and gay? As a description, I feel like drones are disconcerting and cool. Yeah, they do. I have thought every one of them was fake every time. There's no fucking way that that exists.

I don't want that. Like, what? That's terrifying. That shit could fly. Smash it right into your head. But then when you have a drone yourself, and you're, it's very cool. You really want to, you know what?

My brother-in-law has a drone. And every time I see him, he's using it. I try to get him to like buzz me to do a cool like a movie, you know, like I'll buzz the tower. Yeah, I'll run. I was running on the beach. I'm like, yeah, yeah, get it. Like get behind me. So it looks like Rocky three. I was like, dude, dude, dude, I'm going to run on the beach. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I want that. I need that, I need that, I need that. Just make sure you get it right because I only have one sprint in me.

And then I gotta go sleep for a couple days. I gotta go rest for a couple days. All right, you're one shot at this. Don't fuck it up, it's like, fuck, I gotta fuck this up. You're a fuck up, not me, it's like, okay. Let's do it. You can picture in your mind, right? Yeah, the footage that I'm talking about.

Yeah. So, are you ready? Thumbs up. Thumbs Yeah, the footage that I'm talking about. Yeah. So, are you ready? Thumbs up. Thumbs up. All right. I start booking it. Right. Dan, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da all right, hey, let's see that footage, let's see it. I gotta download in the computer,

if you say, I hope later, pardon myself a drink, I'm trying not to be an asshole about it, because he's got all these other people. Hey, what about that footage, you know, how you try to do, like when you are the turtle head poking out, you're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, what about that thing that you said? Can we do that, can we do that thing? Let's do something important here.

Is that fucking cock teasing me with that footage? I want it! Uh, he's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, after dinner, after dinner, he loads it up and puts it on and he got, his drone is about 200 feet in the air following me like, I look like a little speck, like a little fat speck. What the fuck is this? Why do you have? Why do you even have this technology if you're like what I didn't want? I didn't want to mess it up and what the fuck is this thing? I could take in this from Google Maps that you've done me dirty like this. I had this idea and I had a really cool

epic run ruined it. Wow. I'll never be able to run like that again. Yeah. All right. Let's see. Who went skating? Like roller skating? I'm skating. Yeah. That time of the year. Yeah. People to go roller skating. Oh, they have Denzel proof. They've done Z proofed it. How's that? Remember when he went? Denzel went. And he said that he kept falling down. Yeah. It's a great, it's a great spot to meet girls. Yeah. These girls dress up.

Ooh, because they know they can get away. Yeah. That's why. So they dress up extra sexy and titillating for your enjoyment. Shorts that go all the way up. The tight, oh, socks, socks that go up to where their shorts should be. John, and then shorts that look,

shorts that I have underpants longer than. That's what these chicks wear. Wigs, so they become totally different women. That's what you get your woman a wig. Oh, she'll be totally different women. That's what you get your woman of wig. Oh, she'll be totally different. She gets to take on that wig personality. It's like a first suit, but for the rest of us. That's what a wig is.

Yeah, yeah. They've gotten Denzel went to pick up rods and he said he just kept hugging the wall and falling down. So they've got these, they've got like walkers. Oh, I've seen those. They've got walkers with rollers on them. Oh man.

So they've turned skating from just a nice cruising activity into what? You're shaking your head already. Every kid, every kid in the skating rink now has these like old people walkers that are two feet, three feet across. And they all, they all get in them like little stealth bombers, like they're playing an asteroid's game. Yeah. And go around the multiple people in one, right? No, no, no,

no. They all have their own. No, I know. But I thought that's what kids would be doing with them. Well, they can go on together. Yeah. And they have some of the great, because they don't help you. Like they have some of the most hilarious spills Oh, yeah, that you've ever seen in your life because they the kids fall and then all their shit all their shit falls on top of them You get like you get a rector set Pilots with these children. That's awesome. There was only one child that was cute as he was falling only one the other 300 what no get out get out get out who is falling. Only one. The other 300. What? No. Get out. Get out. Get out. Yeah. Jamie didn't like them. I had a very little obstacle. Yeah. The whole thing, and I told

you not to do this. What? Because I said that this was my rage. Well, now's your chance. Give me my lipstick. Okay. Oh, boy. This is getting serious. Because I feel like this is a reflection of society. Mm-hmm. And so there's that, but then also, what do you mean it's a reflection of society? It is like... That was so flaky.

Indignant lipstick application. You know you fucked up. Oh, you know you fucked up. Oh, and puts on your lipstick. Not deliberately. As she's speaking, let me just take a moment while I put on my lipstick so you can see how you're getting chewed out.

So it's like they kick it into another gear. Now, you're a lot hotter than you were a second ago berating me. Listen, we walked in and I was, I was amped up. I was ready to go. It was a little nervous because I didn't know it. I'm real. I would be able to live up to my previous years of, you know, skating glory.

You're a good skater. I am. Was. But I am. What do you mean? What do you mean you were? Well just cuz I went every weekend when I was a kid. Yeah, so you're sure you get good at it Okay, you know requesting and sink To the DJ, you know, so like that every weekend trying to get a couple skate with a cute boy

Which I never did what yeah, how is that possible?, because they were too intimidated. It was, it was after skating years that I figured out how to do, how to be pretty. You're saying you weren't pretty? That was not. Boys didn't. You know what? You got to start them early. So that's my, that's my deal. Let me tell you something about me. I was at a family, when I was at that family reunion, remember that I flew in from and then we did straight to the show. What? Put on your lipstick. There we go. Wow. Do you need so much more into this? Guys do need a version of that. Hold on, I need to put on my cup before I

completely get out. It's like freaking a cigarette. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I was at the family reunion, I made the boys, I made the little Irishman talk to a girl. Yeah. All right. He was sitting there.

Did I tell this story? I don't think you did. I don't remember this. Family reunion. This is a little girl over there. Cute girl. You know. Family though.

Not a tub. Ah. Who knows? Okay. Just, you girl. You know, family though. Not a tub, who knows? Okay, just, you know, Hey, I'm thinking long term. Look, it's good practice. Family or no, it's good practice, right? True, he didn't know her. Yeah. He's playing a little game of like bounce the ball.

What the, and I said, hey, ask her what her name is. Mm-hmm. And he very awkwardly, he's like, hey, ask your what her name is. And he very awkwardly is like, oh, okay. And he goes, hi, I'm a little man. Yeah. What's your name? And she said it.

And I was like, oh, all right, all right. Hey, tell her that you like her shoes. He goes, oh, this is great. This is absolutely pretty. Because I like you, he said it. He did it pretty well. He said, I like your, I like his shoes or however, he's a little boy, he can't say it perfectly,

but he got it out pretty. And she starts laughing and giggling. And then she went away and I was like, all right. Good work. There we go. That's a lot of guys are gonna get into their teens before they try that even once. Yeah, you got, you got 10 years on them.

You got 10 years on them. You got 10 years on them. You're not gonna let little Jamie's goot around the rink by herself without getting talked to. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You gotta push them together from a very early age. The parents aren't doing this. No, I guess.

They're worried about screen time. That's what they're worried. It was like, mother fucker, screen time. Screen time is my life, bitch. I'm talking about talking to brawds. That's what you need to worry about. Not come on. Chick time.

Chick time. Fuck screen time. Screen time is my whole fucking life. You wanna get them off the screen? You need to get some chicks in there. It's the only thing that will work. That's a life skill. Life hack.

Okay. What were you saying about your skating? So I was very excited to go skating. And we walk in there and not, so we go in and we move to the left. There's some benches where you go to sit down, take your shoes off, get your skates. And sorry, now we went to the, we had our rental slips. We went to go get the skate rentals. Cause 80s girl and I don't have our own skates. Dick does. I'm not to brag.

It's like the skating version of having your own bowling shoes. Yeah. Yeah. And so we get to the counter. And we see this PVC pipe monstrosity sitting on the desk there. And I didn't notice it until then, but I think Dick said, wait, what is that? And then we all, the three of us panned around and there are all these childrens. A little flying bomber or something's like it's like a triangle

Without a bottom facing you. Yeah, like a walker wheels and the moment I see it and like realize what this is for My brain starts short circuiting like Yeah, wait in it. So not only not only is this like snowflake parents creating more snowflakes with the whole like, why can't a kid just fall? No, it's you're 100% right. He made it. They made the kid your problem. Like the kids usually they're like garbage.

You just throw them, they fall and you kick them over to the wall and they stay on the wall where they belong. But now you've got these little old men. No, it's coming around. You've got adults, zoom in, you've got adults on walkers. It's like it's a wally beta version of wally. It's analogous to the greater picture, to the bigger picture. It's like every, it's training wheels for life.

No, but it's not even training wheels. Which is now all training wheels. No, that's what I mean. You never take the training wheels off. It's crutch wheels. So how are you ever going to teach a kid how to do it? Well, you know, you're right. It's not true because of training wheels,

the implication being that they are removed and you do it for real. We do it for real. Like generations and generations, like how long have skates been a thing? 50, 60, 200 years? Yeah, yeah. Everybody's kid learned how to skate,

but you didn't do it at the skating rink. You did it at home. I don't know. You got some skates, you got some $40 skates, and you fell on your ass like 60 times in your driveway. Right. And then you went to the skating rink, and you know, maybe you were a little awkward, maybe you went to the skating rink and you know, maybe

we're a little awkward, maybe had to like clump a little bit around, but it's not like, so not only is it a snowflake thing, but it is the biggest monstrosity. Yeah, it's great. I was trying to skate around like a normal human doing skating things and I was met with a complete line of children and skate mates. They were impassable. Yeah, it was like Gandalf, huge on that pass. Outro, which were you, you were the ball rock then

in this situation. All right There's funny watching them fall though If they will film it they would come apart There was one child who was very cute as he was falling cuz he would fall It's cuz he had a Development disability. That's why That's why we're in steps like but he was the only one that was cute.

I want kids. See, I would have been the kid who would be like, fuck that. That's like cheat. I'm not doing it. If I'm doing that, I'm not skating. That's not skating. That's weird. That's weird. That's weird. Yeah. You're the fucking weirdo. There needs to be more weirdos.

Now we've become like, now we're promoting weirdism. We've come full circle. What, this is like, you know, but we need, because God damn it, the kid should feel bad if he's not doing it for real. He should feel bad for not knowing how to do it. Like, you keep that shame at home, son.

You learn in the backyard, like, you learn in your own room, and then get good, and then like Napoleon Dynamite busted out on every moment. Do you remember learning to write a bike? I do yeah, who did anybody help you my dad? Yeah, he did the I learned by myself. I Learned by I taught myself to write a bike how I was in the back home for you 25 Something like that. Yeah, I was like a couple weeks ago. I did good

Now that you don't have a car yet. I don't remember No soon, okay a couple of weeks ago, I did. You're good. No, you don't have a car. You're good. I don't remember, no, soon. Okay. I didn't call them out. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been pretty slacken on that. Gotta get a car, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

It's Valentine's Day. I take you one hour out and style. Yeah, I'm waiting for a car. Well, you know, go out, stay in. We're gonna forget all together. You know, whatever, I mean, stay in. For, for, for get all together. You know, whatever. I mean, you get all. I mean, it was to say what's out in these days.

I made a donation. What is a Valentine's Day? I made a donation to the women's march. For Valentine's Day. There we go. Did you get to personalize a message or something? Uh, yes, sure. Whatever you did.

Whatever they do. Do you want to hear the buy-bought-a-bunt? I bought a hundred pussy hats for a disenfranchised women in a third-world nation. Oh whatever you did whatever they do. Do you want to hear the buy bought a bunch? I bought a hundred pussy hats for Disenfranchised women in the third world nation. Oh, you did yes in women's honor for Valentine's Day almost as useful as the As the iPads and for starving African children. Yeah, right what they really need Okay, how did you learn to kind of bike? I went in the backyard. We had a walkway in the backyard and I took the training wheels off. I can't remember how old I was, but I was tired of it.

I remember it was a little, I had a blue and yellow bike. You took your own training wheels. Because they were ready to fall off. I had tried before and I was, and they were all loose at everything, so the training wheels came off, because I knew where the work bench was, and I knew where the pair of vice grip pliers was. How old? I don't know. No, no, I was much

younger than that. Seven? How many siblings did you have? Do you remember how many? Were they all there? Oh, no. No, it was just you and maybe you and two other siblings at that point. I'm just trying to get it gauge on how young you were. Yeah. The, the, the third one may have been born, which would put me at like, yeah, okay. But I remember because, yeah, because I remember, you know, when we moved, I had gone through multiple bikes before we moved from that particular place. And this was the first bike I ever owned. Okay.

So this was like, anyway, we had a, we had a chain link fence in the backyard, surrounded by like a little, maybe like a chain link fence in the backyard, surrounded by like a little, maybe like a two or three foot wide rock planter. And I just like got up and just kept crashing, leaning, crashing into the fence, like over and over again, until I got it, until I got it. And by the end of the day, I had it.

My arm was all scraped up, but I was just determined to do it because I was so pissed off that I couldn't ride a bike. I feel like you're describing one of those computer programs that learns how to move on its own and they make those weird things. How does the elephant, how did the elephant man walk? It goes through all these algorithms to like figure out

what he looked like when he walked, but yeah, I remember the day I taught myself to ride a bike. Did it was- The day was out of anybody? I ran out, I was pretty proud. I think I told my mom, I don't know if my dad was around or if he was home yet, but I was like, I couldn't ride a bike. Oh.

Yeah, so I was like, because they had tried to teach me to ride a bike before, and I just either wasn't getting it, and I was just, I just got it in my head. I was gonna fucking ride that bike. My dad did the, I'm pushing you, and then not telling you when he's letting go. Yeah, flies. Yeah, flies. That's what you did then not telling you when he's letting go, lies.

Yeah, lies. That's what you did, too. Yeah, that's how I learned. Ooh, oh, okay. All right, I'm gonna play a song here. This is from, this is Kendall and Hyde's. It's wanna be my lawyer. God, good.

Good, good. Oh my God, and the Dixho album is done, I think. It's gotta be close. Yeah, it's gonna be it's gonna be out by Portland Yeah, 100% Want to be my lawyer if you want to be my lawyer Gotta get oh what it is Yo tell you what I really really bought tell me what you bought what you really really bought I'll tell you what I bought what I really really, really bought. So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought. I bought a T. I bought a T. I bought a T. I bought a $30,000 shitty voting website.

If you wanna hurt your brain, listen to sadcast. If you wanna get with Jane, you just have to ask. Now don't go wasting. This cut gold's time. Buy a couple mad bucks we could be just fine! I'll tell you what I bought, what I really really bought! So tell me what you bought! What you really really bought! I bought a beef!

I bought a beef! If you want to be my lawyer, you got to sue all your friends! You've got to ask for a hammer! Let's sue them, pill it in. If you want to be my lawyer, you have amazing skin. You've got the same. My emails are quite lengthy, but that's the way it is. 20,000 per plaintiff?

Wow, that's such a deal. Does here you're suing that cost rough? Are you for real? Or you for real? Here's my first payment. I'll give you a try. But if you get to Yappy hashtag land out bites, I'll tell you what I bought. That's what I really, really bought.

So tell me what you bought. What you really, really bought. I bought a heap. I bought a heap. I bought a heap. I bought a $30,000 shitty voting website. If you want to be my lawyer, thank me for the snacks. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

You can have some cracker jacks. If you wanna be my lawyer, you have got to skim. This lawsuit is a doozy. It's 53 pages. So here's a story from Hans To Aves. You wanna assume that he, if that one doesn't, definitely be got finned in the place with Leather in your face.

Heather's real bored. I type on the keyboard. J&D's case here for free. Is she a real lady? Hee hee. You'll see. Land it off your bones to everyone in town. Land it off to everyone in town.

Land it off to everyone in town. If you want to be my lawyer, you got a risk getting just fired. Don't worry. I'll find you. Oh, man. The pause trophies are hot. If you want to be my lawyer, you have got to fib. Don't worry about how strong the pastro fees are. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Slimer lost it down to everyone and down slimer lost it down to everyone and down Slimer lost it down to everyone

Slimer lost it down hand It's a good lawyer Yeah, you're doing your best. Thank you. Good boy If you want to be my lawyer Who This is my favorite. I know. Unbelievable. That's that. Who knew that, who knew that, that he. He ate the breakdown. Unbelievable.

Got to love that. What have that? That's just when you think it can't give any better. We've got to do something like this. You've got to be redeemed yourself. You've got a guy who I'm a good Nick. Let me see if Nick's here. I'm going to call it.

You we've got a guy Nick you there. Yeah. Hey, how do you like that song? How would you feel as a lawyer if someone wrote a song like that about you? I can think of nothing but being absolutely honored. Someone would take their time, and tribute me in that way. Yeah.

Isn't it funny that we've got a man, Maddox, who loves riding bicycles with an attorney who is legally required to ride my bicycle? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Allegedly, oh, no. Allegedly, it all goes back to the bicycle, Sean. I know. It all goes back to the bicycle, Sean.

No, no, no, no. Nick, how are you doing? I'm doing great, man. How are you? Great. Has Google still after you? Are you still a man on the run from Big Google? It's quite a down, quite a bit.

So I don't know. What I do know is that I released a Google friendly version of the Demore lawsuit breakdown just really completely neutral going through because I was contacted by three different software engineers. So you're doing something right? Well, they, yes, but I was contacted by guys who are friendly to, I guess, my disposition. Okay. And suggested that I make a video that they could share within Google without getting in

trouble for. So like no swearing and stuff like that. No swearing, no drinking, no ableless slurs like idiot. That stuff's not safe for women. Right. It just basically a completely neutral, very raw video. And when I did that, I noticed I got a couple reports from fans who said that the video was not popping up in their notifications. So you're getting like silence sort of a shadow ban, I guess. Maybe just

on those videos, I'm not sure. But I tell you, I'm very worried about like Mussolini's corporatism becoming a way of life in America. Yeah. Like corporate fascism, which is what, you know, once we've gone past the need for the government to provide you thing, and it's just all companies providing you things, the way they can just shut slightly tweaked, shutting down people like Nick or people like, you know, Cernovich, people with political ideas that they don't like. Yeah. Very scary.

Yeah. Yeah. I actually, I think we're going to see some major lawsuits in that over the next probably five years because if you think about it this way, like what if Twitter just banned Trump in the middle of the next election? What would that do to his campaign? They cite something as hate speech or whatever. We've got these private companies who have become public platforms and there is a recognized exception to the private company being able to shut people down without first amendment implications. It's called the designated public forum doctrine.

And I think we're gonna see that get expanded over the next five to 10 years with a place like Facebook and Twitter becoming so ubiquitous. God, I hope so because I don't think they would ban Trump, but they would like shadow ban him so you just wouldn't see his tweets enough or you got to click a like even even Twitter saying this tweet contains sensitive material click this button to see it.

It puts in your mind that this is a bad thing. Yeah, I don't agree with any of that. Yeah. And what makes what drives me fucking crazy about it is how people will give the benefit, well, like try to explain the actions of these corporations doing this in a reasonable way. Yeah. When it's, it's, it's just like leveraging violence. Like it's just leveraging your power over us.

Yeah. So like don't cooperate with the corporatist overlords. Like fucking call them out, sue them as hard as possible, make a court, make a court at least try to get a court to make them to stop doing this, because we all hate it. I mean, we all fucking hate it. And it's crazy when media corporations don't see the problem with the fact that Twitter in theory could just ban, or even even shadow ban all MSNBC journalists,

for example. Like they have that power. And no one could say first amendment, no one could say free press, but MSNBC would have a fit. Yeah. It's weird. Every time I see Twitter is peeing it like they're into the year, PNLs, they lose a half a billion dollars.

I think that there's somebody's buying somebody's getting something for that money and every email I get from Twitter is celebrity bullshit. Yeah, hold these that's coming out follow Kendrick Lamar. Yeah, I'm like wait a minute. Did we just abandon the commercial driven media for this weird like hive mind that still pumps me the same entertainment shit that I have Never once clicked on would never in a million years like everybody just signed up to get constant ads It's not like we watched you know now that they're ad model on TVs dying like we're still now We just signed up for a new platform to get ads sure and that's I'm not sure. And that's what the happy $1 million is for.

Is it powers the long term? Anyway, Nick, do you want to talk about, let's see, you did, you went over a stereo, the response to a stereosis lawsuit, didn't you? Yes, absolutely. And I've got, it looks like the response to yours is to tomorrow. Oh, is this?

Oh, yeah. So that's going to be real. So that's going to be real. So that's going to be real. And then asterious is response to land out is due on Thursday. So I'll be live streaming on Monday and Thursday this week. Okay. And do I have you to credit for finding out about land out's trouble with the law, the people versus land out?

Did you discover that? I think so. I don't want to 100 Did you discover that? I think so. I don't want to 100% take credit, but I think so. What I did was I was just looking to see what I could find out about him in Michigan, since I thought we'd found kind of everything in New York looking around. And in Michigan, it turns out he had a couple cases against him.

So I just asked if anybody was near a courthouse, if they could look into it. And I know a couple cases against him. So I just asked if anybody was near a courthouse if they could look into it. And I know a couple guys went down there and just kind of pulled up the documents because there were a couple publicly available documents and when I say publicly available, I mean easily accessible by anyone with an internet connection.

All these documents are available. You do not have to be humble with this crowd. Just take the credit. So what did you, what did the documents say? Because I gotta, I don't have, like I gotta go read through them. Do you have a consensus about this DUI story that I'm hearing from everybody?

From what I've read so far and I have not reviewed all of the documents. It looks like he had two, maybe three DUIs. Kevin Landau? Yes. Oh my God, that is different. Well, that's a full blown alcoholic. Like all joking aside, because with DUIs,

anybody, especially in Los Angeles, everybody has driven when they probably shouldn't have. You could be unlucky enough to get a DUI. If you have two, if for the chips to fall that way. If you have two. Many times. And you're right, you are doing it all the time. Yeah.

There's no way. I've seen you've said this before. You're rolling that guy. You don't have sex twice and get two kids. You know what I mean? So... Yeah. So well.

And you are also either, or maybe driving very recklessly, like to pull attention. I mean, we've all done it. You cruise. You're getting that fucking thing and you use your ultra, you're not fucking wiggling all around thinking about dogs and dog bites. I have been to drunk driving. I was like laser focus like every resource I had in my brain to put onto this road.

I was like, here we go. We're going to make it home. But if he's driving like that, maybe he blacks out like that guy with the rage. Oh, yeah, that we're going to get to. Okay. Okay. So now Nick, have you looked into other cases that Landau has brought to court? Yes. But real quick, I want to cover one more thing with the DUI thing because this is

where it gets fun. So two, maybe three DUIs in one state. Yes, in Michigan. But then he had the interlock ignition installed on the car. Yeah. And God. And he failed an interlock ignition test. Really? What. Really? So his light, you have to blow into that's what the blow thing. Yeah. So I'm your steering column. He was being represented by his dad

from the best I can figure in court. And their argument was that that he has chronic asthma. He had an inhaler, which gave him chronic gingivitis. So he had some mouthwash, some larderine, of course, to fight the gingivitis. And that's what caused him to fail the blow. Really? This was the argument in court. Yes. And you're sure about this? This is verified? Like 99.9%. Oh my God, imagine calling your dad. Hey, dad, I got, you know, all those D-wise,

can you come to court and tell the judge that I have gingivitis? And he goes, yeah, and then he's right. And your dad says, yes, of course, son. I'm always there for you. You fucking mollum. Clearly he's been, he's been shirking his, his vet visits for teeth cleaning.

So nice one, George. Good job. Good fucking job. I, I, I, I, God damn it. Is that compatible with his values, do you think? Multiple DUIs and a breath, breath, the car blowing machine? I just don't understand why he didn't cut a deal

for which on the DUIs, on any of it. Like, you know, so as a lawyer and you're down at the courthouse, you develop some sort of relationship with the prosecutors, right? Typically, because you see them and talk to them from time to time, even when you're working, when you're not working opposed to them, generally, you're cordial.

So just sit down and cut a deal. Like some sort of deal to lock it up, because if you cut a deal, you get a plea bargain, none of this stuff is public for one thing. Like, you really, you'll have a conviction, but you have a more complicated, sorry, Nick. Oh, really? You have a conviction. That's the best reason. I'm not like a... Sorry, Nick, that's the best reason to do it.

So that it doesn't damage. People don't know. Yeah, as a lawyer. You have like, do I want to do I want to do I want to do Maddox picked him for a while and I'm on the trail to it. Okay. So the next thing I did was I finally just realized I can search for his cases by name in the New York filing system. Okay. So I pulled up a list of of his cases in New York So I pulled up a list of his cases in New York, and they go back to about 2012. There aren't a ton of them,

which isn't that abnormal. Lots of lawyers don't do a ton of court practice, right? Most of the stuff we do is actually out of court. So there's nothing there, but I found a bunch of his stuff, and someone also had sent me, he's got a pretty big news piece about him because he represented this person against a television production company that produced a documentary about being the wife of a hitman for a cartel.

Okay. And Kevin Landau represented the wife against the TV production company. Right. And they tried to inappropriately join Univision, which sounds funny, because Univision basically put the show on. So then they said that they tried to do everybody just like they did here. Right. And they got fucked up down for that. And then they tried to say, so basically the complaint was that the production company was supposed to obscure her identity. And didn't do it. And so now she's dead. Now her head head and body are separated. Well, the production company just simply pulled up a document with her signature on it that

gave them full license to do this. I mean, this isn't like obviously this isn't a mistake that people make when they're making a documentary about the cartels. Right. You choose to be public or private. They're going to honor that as best as possible. Right. So two years after the release of this documentary, they sue.

And then they tried to show that her signature was forged. Land down. So Kevin Landown, the woman tried to show that the signature that the TV company produced was a forgery. Right. And they did it by one hiring, a handwriting expert expert to analyze her new signature and then say it was different than the old signature. Was the expert's name Heather?

No, Heather asked. Not in this case. But then it seems like the expert didn't give them the right answer, so they fired that one and hired a different expert. And then only gave the new expert signatures that were from later than the lawsuit even started. So the created fate signature. Oh my God. Jesus Christ.

All right. Wow. And the woman who he was representing did get sanctions. And actually the opinion on this case is like a 65 page opinion where the judge is just pissed. Wow. Well, thank you, man. Did not sanction Landel, but basically it was like as close as you could come as a lawyer to receiving sanctions and didn't do it.

So do you think that he's going to, that Landel could get some sanctions for this shit? Because in, in the, if a response to a stere's, there is literally a, there's a quote from Mad Cux, satirically, it's like the most ridiculous adorable comment saying that Astero's and I created Mad Cux. Yeah. I mean, when I read that section on the live stream,

actually got really, really angry because of how they edited it. Yeah, they took out the part about their rape video. They put ellipses in the quad. Something was left out here. It's like, yeah, something was left out that says, this is a joke. Yeah. Yeah.

Completely ridiculous. And pointed out that he had never, he left out the part where also you and Assyrian had never spoken to him. Yeah, prior. Is that the kind of thing that a lawyer can't just say like, oh, I don't know. Oh, don't they have some responsibility to look at shit and say, oh, yeah, this is bullshit.

No, I'm not putting this in here and signing my name to it. Yes, and no, but in this case, it looks worse because he would have had to make those edits. Like, he would have consciously had to make that edit. Oh wow. To his represent the statement to the court because he put the quote in the document, right? What about the quote where a stereo says he's going to work

and they have put in, Maddox or Landau, I don't know who has put in the word back in brackets. So a stereo says actual quote is I'm going to work and the one in the response says I'm going back to work. Why do they, why do they do that? Because they want to show that they, they're trying to say that he was at work. Where he was making these things. Yeah, which is, which is nothing, but they're trying to say that so they can rope,

we're like, they just, I mean, that's a complete fabrication. If you're, why, he just pulled back and went like, oh, so it's just fabricating a quote. It's, yeah, isn't it? Yeah, it seems like it to me. It looks, that one looks really bad as well. On the stream, I wasn't aware that that was completely fabricated, just because I just didn't know. But yeah, that was another one where some people brought it up.

And those types of things to me are where sanctionable activity for Mr. representing to the court from the lawyer come in because that's not, that's not Maddox, you know, demanding that he goes forward with something and he's just trying to be a zealous advocate. That's what he's making on just decisions to misrepresent. Anybody else see that he fucked up the date somewhere? It's like the first thing I'm sorry like 2019 tight

tight ship I like my favorite type of my favorite typo so far is a stereosis coconut So one paragraph starts with a stereosis coconut blah blah blah blah the coconose belonging to a stereo all of his stereos and his coconose right up there causing trouble belonging to the stereotypes. All of his therios and his coconose right out there causing trouble. I think we have put to bed the mystery. Kevin Landau did write the document really for your case. Going through his documents, the apostrophe errors are consistent throughout all of them. Okay.

It's fascinating to figure out because we we got eye dash tunes and YouTube stations. Like, there's a lot of dumbness so mixing together in like this gumbo, and you don't know which one, like these two bicycle boys are soggy biscuiting their stupidness all over this paper. And you don't know who's, you don't know who's,

who's Jesus, who's, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I did see it. I get those two together. You're bound to have some retarded kids. I'm gumbo. I did see a YouTube station and a different document as well. So. Well, you got anything that makes you rage this time. I love your content. You made this whole thing accessible to me. You made my own expensive legal documents accessible to me for free. Thank you very much. Fuck it. Thank you.

Nick, every time there is a notification that you are streaming, everybody in the house jumps up and goes, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop,

whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop the couch and start screaming at devices because they won't connect fast enough. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. The only rage I have right now is just the lack of ability for communications companies to give us upload speeds that matter in an age where everybody is streaming and everybody is doing videos and uploading them. Out here, I can get at best five to six megabytes up.

I have to wait until like two a.m. in its infuriating. How far, how rural are you? I know you, you said on the stream that you have like five kids in their homeschool. Does that right? Yes, we at homeschool five kids. Well, I shouldn't say we, my wife does most of the work there. Oh, nice.

Smart. She homeschools five kids. We're about two hours west of the Twin there. Oh nice smart. She homeschools five kids. We're about two hours west of the Twin Cities in Minnesota. Okay. Can you see your neighbors? Um, barely, barely. I have about eight acres of land, so it's nice. And our driveways like 500 feet long. And our neighbors are at the end of that driveway. Yeah, it sounds like it's either idyllic or a compound. Both. Both. What did you think about Maddox's homeschooling stuff? What do you think about all the anti-homeschooling stuff? I think it's not that. That episode infuriated me, which is funny because I was a product

of public school and I had no special connection to homeschool, But my wife and I decided to do it mainly because our first son was way far ahead. He started reading like on his own around two. This is like, okay, we can't put this kid in public school. He'll just be lost. Yeah. Yeah, did he teach himself how to ride a bike? Yeah.

Yeah. Nerd. a bike. NERD. But, uh, so I remember being, um, ahead at school and just getting lost in that whole system. So that's why we started the homeschool thing. But, uh, to have, to have Maddox come out and, and say a bunch of stuff about homeschool that, that we can verify isn't true because we put our kids into as many social programs as we can and people who meet them probably say they're overly friendly.

But yeah, if you can go back, you can actually see me arguing with Maddox on the post for that. Well, probably not anymore. There's private deleted. I saved all the comments. Yeah, on biggest that the next one. Well, so what are you going to, how do you give them the hot teacher experience? That's what I want to know because that's my, well, they're not obviously. All right.

So it turns out it's a compound after all. Right. I was just going to get you to it. You beat me to it. All right, Nick, can you plug your Patreon please? Yes, absolutely. Patreon.com forward slash loss planning. Check it out. Come visit on YouTube, jump into live streams.

There are a lot of fun, lots of drinking games around weird things that I do. So tons of people watch, like 300 plus people. Oh no, all the streams, it's great. Yeah, there is super engaging. They're great to watch. Yeah. All right, man, take it easy. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. You too.

See you. Yeah. Boy, I got a bit. I got a bit from Sriracha. Yeah. Yeah. It's called Land Cow. I don't know what it's. Whoa. Oh, man. Okay. Saw some of those. Yeah. The beach last week.

Man cow, okay. Saw some of those. These are the beach last week. I went to the beach last week. Saw man's lamppost. So real behemoth taking some sexy pictures. Glamr shot. Glamr shot. She was, we saw this woman at the beach who,

what do you think she was? 600, 700 pounds. She was leaning up against this rock face. Like modeling for like Omaha stakes or something? Like, she was pushing her hands in and giving this like extra provocative look over her shoulder to her friend who was taking a scent. I don't know what they were for like a dating, dating side farmers only or something. I don't.

It's very disturbing. Right in the middle of the day, there was children all around. Yeah. I lost a lot of frisbee in ocean too. Oh, really immediately, you didn't even get to the beach before you lost it. Yeah. I lost under a frisbee in ocean too. I mean, really, immediately, you didn't even get to the beach before you lost it. Wow. Yeah, it was, it was a beach. There's a cliff and you walk down some stairs and you're in the beach. And it's like, did you go to the one we were talking about? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's cool, right? It's great. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Great. Great. Awesome. Yeah. You just get the fuck away from Zuma Beach. Yeah. I mean, you go past that. I don't know what you mean. Yeah. The one we passed when I said there's Malibu High School.

Oh, no, you said, oh, Malibu High School. I wonder what kind of douchebag you're in the office. I'll tell you what, Malibu High School, they do a lot of film and TV there. Like I've been on set there before. If I want to do something douchebaggy at all, oh, no, it's a shithole. Malibu High School is a shithole. It's because I think they're all go to private school. Like if they're, you know, living in Malibu,

so no, it's, it's, what is your problem? So what, rich people are douchebags, and if your car isn't expensive enough, you are worthless, this is fucking women. No, there's no, don't try to please them because they cannot be pleased. It's a ridiculous farce to even attempt to do so you know. Yeah sure Bill versus Bill. All right here's this is called Lane Cowell. I don't know what it is. She just

sent it to me. She's very funny. Do you need a lawyer who's grasp on legal theories as tenuises his grasp on a steering wheel after a night of binge drinking. Then you need to talk to America's least literate lawyer. Hi, I'm Dog Bite Land cow, and I'm here to blow up your case in court, like I have to blow into a breathalyzer, the Stomachar. We fight for you!

No actionable claims, no worries. It is literally never been easier to extort a billion dollar company for a settlement. The only problem you're gonna have figure out how to spend all that money. So everybody, what the fuck do I care? Your former business partner will get played more than you. You're former friends' place of employment. Soo!

That brista who spelled your beautiful stunning model activist, actress, astronaut, Alfred and Mary and you're not for the name wrong. Don't go to the dentist. Don't go to the dentist. Don't go to the dentist. How so yourself? What do I care? Write you complaint yourself, no problem. Smart.

Save and money, I would have done the same thing. I'll sign anything. Hell, have you seen my cataract? It's different from the wives and good fellows. I couldn't read you complaint, I wanted to see. I wanted to see. I couldn't read you complaint, I wanted to see. Smile, save and money.

I wanted to see. Don't fight lands, cow. We fight for you. Get cooked by your co-host completely safe and mild. I'm in a real state. Don't fight Lance Cow. We fight for you. Get cooked by your co-host. Collin-Cat. Can't make rent because you spent your book advance on video games and e3 tickets. Collin-Cat.

Need a lawyer who can put the bottle down and get home safely. I'm not being a colony member at the end of the night. But what I can do is get your former fans to re-subscribe or to your YouTube channel. Oh, go to fucking jail. If you have a debt in a net career and a live liability of a girlfriend,

you have a lawyer, go get a job, get even. Dial 1,800, cook in court today. Oh, man. I forget that. I'm serious. How much of Stereo is he suffering? And that his girlfriend would really really. He suffers the most. Yeah. Yeah. He suffers the most also complains the most.

Was that going to play something before the news? I don't know. Do a scroll. So there's a stereo spit. There is. Oh, of course, we just heard a yeah. We just heard it. we just heard his girlfriend's a rucha bit. Let's do the news Okay, I got an erotic story to do let me let me do the erotic story first of course Fuck I try I was trying to get Milo to do a erotic story bumper. Oh, wow man. He can he can go right I can never stop see I thought I was bad at that but you are he was It's fucking never stops you. I thought I was bad at that, but you are. He was, no pause. I believe it.

What's so ever to sneak a, sneak a word in, sneak a winner in. I can't do it. Just try to get your foot in the door. They're very difficult. So I don't know if his podcast is like public or you got to pay a, pay to get, you got to pay a pay wall

to get in there and listen to it. But it couldn't ask. That's pretty funny. I was talking about women, feminism, talking about how feminism is a anti-diversity cult that's trying to establish a caliphate in the Western world. Right.

You know, as they are, as it's very obvious to me. What did he say? He laughed. Yeah. I think he liked the feminism Islam thing that I was doing. Yeah, he might. He might see.

That's his level of spice. Oh. That's not necessarily what we do on this show, but he's a different animal, different show. Yeah, that's the level of spice. You gotta bring the right level of spice to every engagement. That's true. Bring too of spice. You got to bring the right level of spice to every engagement It's true bring too much spice. You got to play to the room. You're gonna get tossed Not enough spice. No one gives a fuck. All right, let me play

The Dink Show presents an erotic story from a real madden. All right Just in time for Valentine's Day, thank God I didn't forget this. You can listen to this in your car when you're taking your wife or your girlfriend or your mistress out, whoever you're taking out. Or maybe you're taking your daughter out to show her how a man should treat a woman

on Valentine's Day, that's perfectly normal too. Or maybe you're taking yourself out. I don't like a loser. I just stay home. Don't ruin everybody's Valentine's Day night by sitting in a restaurant by yourself. How selfish. How selfish can you be?

Everybody's gonna be whispering. Why do you say that person's over there just sitting there and buy them. Come on. Take it, get a room, buddy. I'll just sit there by yourself on Valentine's Day. This just comes from Cooper the Roofer. Hey, Dick Cooper the Roofer here.

I'm the guy that fell in love with the hooker. Oh, I've got a couple videos, but I don't think they're funny enough. So in the meantime, I have two erotic stories from a real man. First off, let me preface this by saying, I'm totally straight. Okay, well, let's see about that.

Yeah. I don't think those two words have ever gone together correctly. Totally straight. Yeah, yeah. I just fucked a crack head for $40 worth of crack. No condom. Jesus Christ, it's ricketing cricketed from him. It's always over. Yeah.

This all started when I lost my housing. Uh-oh. I was sleeping at random construction sites. I worked at and showering with garden hoses. Canada, however, gets very cold at night during autumn. I was walking to one of the construction sites where I planned on sleeping when I heard, hey, you want a beer? As it so happened, I did want a beer. I would too. Yeah. I want one right now, actually. Doesn't sound like he's, you know, doing all that. Downs totally straight so far. An older gentleman was

on his porch enjoying a refreshing, refreshing beverage and beckoning me over. An older gentleman. Despite the fact I was basically crawling to my temporary home due to excessive consumption of alcoholic drinks, somehow I replied that yes, I would like a brew. After I crawled up to his Veranda, Veranda, and stole one of his cigarettes I was supplied with said beer. The conversation was light and actually quite nice until he straight up told me he liked

sucking dick. I said, oh cool. As I quickly finished my beer and gathered my stuff, he then asked me if I liked doing drugs. I do in fact like doing drugs. Many drugs, many times, and many types. I said, yeah, dude, he said he asked if I had done poppers. In Ontario, poppers can refer to a type of Bongrip that involves a

straight shaft stuffed tightly with a bit of a cigarette and a small amount of weed. That's a spliff, isn't it? Here. Spliff. I mean, it's a... Explain it again. Well, it's a Bongrip that involves a split. It's a split. It's a split. Well, it's a, a Bungrip that involves a straight shaft stuffed tightly with a bit of a cigarette and a small amount of weed, a re-rolled cigarette with weed and it is a split here. But it's not a Bung, but it's what he's describing. Yeah, I kind of, I've never smoked one of those.

No. No, just cigarette, like, be most of the tobacco and then you can. Yeah, it's good for walking because the tobacco Tastes like it and and it's more like you can draw it normally. Yeah, someone says Poppers is Amel nitrate. Yes, that's what it actually is. Yeah, and an old guy would call Amel nitrate a pop right? Okay, that will get you high and ready for butt sex. Oh. Despite this, I assumed due to the context of him being gay that he was referring to Amel nitrates.

I know, I ruined it. No, I haven't, but I'll try it. After several more beers, cigarettes, and a bottle of Amel nitrates stuffed up my nose, my new friend asked if he could suck my dick. I replied, well, I guess a blowjob is a blowjob. It turns out a blowjob is not just a blowjob. Despite me imagining,

I hate that the truth. All my hottest acts is in craziest, dirtiest sex, even with my eyes closed. I could still see an old fat guy sucking my pain. Oh, it's fat. I quickly finished my beer and need his face off. That's the problem here. He's fat.

Yeah. I quickly finished my beer and need his face off of my previously woman's only area. I said, dude, this is gay. I have to go. I put my floppy man meat back in my banana hammock and pulled up my overalls and grabbed my tools. I then proceeded to run away to an empty house to sleep on a bag of insulation. I had to change my bank, my bank home branch.

Once I saw him working there. Oh! Cooper the Roofer. There you go. Well, about the saddest story I've ever heard. I think two young addict stories from real men. It's a guy who brought to you. That was at Old Man's game plan.

Remember this dude in? Yeah. Mine a little bit of dick second. It was all to get him to open an account at that branch. Ha, ha, ha, ha. It's kind of backfired. Oh, all right. You got some news, Jamie?

I do have some news. All right, so the Olympics started this Yeah, this week. Oh, yeah, we all the every woman over 50 is thrilled. So fucking thrilled. Great grand wonderful. The Olympics have started and they're already pissing people off. Yeah. So NBC had to apologize after Japan comment draws anger in South Korea. The American network NBC has apologized after one of its analysts drew anger for a comment during coverage of the P-Young Chang. P-Young Chang Olympics. That seemed to gloss over South Korea's painful history with Japan. Wait, you have to say that they're accent though. Like people say,

Oh, God. You know, in newscasters, we'll slip into the Spanish accent. If they're Spanish. Yeah. From the one accent. But you can't do that if you have a good tan. From what is, right?

From what is. I wouldn't be able to pull that off. You got to do it like them. I couldn't be able to pull that off. Like from being, you know what I'm trying. Unless I had spent a month tanning prior to the story. Okay, you're tan tell me get it. Okay. So the lipsticks coming out again. Okay. That seemed to gloss over South Korea's

painful history with Japan. It's former colonial master. The analyst Joshua Cooper Ramo made the comment while appearing with Katie Kurek and Mike Trico during the opening ceremony on Friday During that prime minister Shinzo Shinzo Abe of Japan was an attendance, huh? Abe isn't it What his name? Abby. Abby is that an idea of Japan, right?

ABE Right, I'm not I'm not how would you say Able? Able, yeah. Oh, it's Able. Oh. Named after Honest Able. Yeah. The first Prime Minister of, one of the first Prime Ministers of Japan, yeah.

Able, the family Koi, he ate the royal Koi. He could tell why. He could tell why about it. Everybody knows that Japanese. Yeah. Able, honest Able. Yeah. He described Japan as a country which occupied Korea from 1910 to 1945, but every Korean will tell

you that Japan is a cultural, technological and economic example that has been so important to their own transformation. So this, so he, so he whitewash me. Yeah. Yeah. So he apparently he, but he highly pissed them all off. Yeah. Because why don't doubt it. There's still I, I do. I don't think anyone cares because I didn't think the Koreans care because I don't think I think that hold on. I don't think that anybody actually care. I think a media conglomerate. Okay. This is a conspiracy for NBC to work on their apology. And then the other station will work on their gracious acceptance of the apology. They just do it back and forth to get themselves in the.

I don't know the history of Japan and Korea the same way that like maybe I do with Japan and China, but I know that like the Chinese, they care. You know, Chinese people, they care. If that had happened with China, eating, eating, they care about a know, Chinese people, they care. If that had happened with China eating, eating. They care about a dust bowl, but they actually care. Oh, they care, oh, there's a lot of Chinese people think Japanese are absolute barbarians for what they did over the years. Do you know any Chinese people who think that?

Because I heard that too, but absolutely. Oh, I do. Oh yeah, multiple. Oh, yeah, multiple. Wow. Yeah. Okay. All right. What else you got? Oh, we're done with that. Okay. So I mean, well what what is it? Well, okay, so long article. What is it? It is a very long article. Well skip it. Next one. Okay. Next one. Well, actually there's two there were two crashes. Air Air flights crashes this week. One in Russia and one in the Grand Canyon

Okay, the one in Russia killed 65 passengers and six crew members I'm not even going to try and pronounce the name of this airline It vanished minutes after takeoff and crashed near the village of Our good our goodovo about 80 kilometers south east of Moscow. Causes unclear. But the thing that was freaky about this one is that there were people who saw it happen. They start running towards the wreckage.

And then there are like, actually I'm getting them mixed up. I'm talking about the Grand Canyon don't mind me They have no idea what caused this but Excuse me Are you drunk? No, I'm not I was reading. Oh, you're not drunk. And this is what happened to the plane Here I'll read it. No, I'll read the fucking news a plane crashed people were running to it and then what happened? I'm I made two stories about crashes I got them right this is why the news is so hard so that you print out a piece of

paper and these broads can't keep it straight so it sounds like in the in the in the Russian plane crash no one was running toward it that was a reason nobody was running towards it nobody knows what happened to it but it was interesting to me it flies definitely nobody knows what happened to it, but it was interesting to me. It flies. Definitely nobody knows what happened after listening to this. This is the first commercial passenger jet crash for more than a year. 2017 was the safest year on record for air travel in Russia. But then all of a sudden, it didn't fly over any war zones. No. You know, nothing like that.

I want to get a replay on that passenger. That sounded like a drunk ass. Yeah, a passenger. Yeah, a passenger. I would like Sean, can you do an instant replay of that? It's only because I'm nervous. You got drunk because you're nervous? That'll happen. It happens to me sometimes.

Yeah, sometimes. A passenger. Say it passenger. A passenger. I get G was a little suspect. Say the entire passenger. I am a was a little suspect say the entire passenger. I am a passenger on this bus. I am a passenger. Okay, that's drunk. Okay. Okay. But the other one, the more important one is the one

that happened in America. Right. So like 70 people died in Russia, but three people died in America. More important. Well, with the exchange rate, that's, it's pretty equivalent. Yeah, so it's not going. All right, what's next? You don't even want to hear about the whole thing. Jamie, I have no fucking idea what's going on. You can't read the names, and you put two stories together like a mashup.

Two planes crashed. No, is that the news? One plane and one helicopter. Okay. Crash. This is news? Yeah. Of course it's news.

It happens every day. It happens every day. No, it doesn't happen every day. It doesn't happen every day. What are you going to be for? And so these people. A snake was born with two heads. That's news.

Yeah. Well, that didn't happen. So what am I left with? Plane crashes and helicopter crashes? So these people went on vacation Okay To the Grand Canyon. Uh-huh, and they wanted to take a scenic flight So they booked a flight on a helicopter and they were like

Landau got a tourist And so they're enjoying themselves looking at all of the pretty scenery. Yeah, it's enjoying themselves. They're getting back the talking. All of a sudden something goes wrong and the helicopter crashes and a bunch of them die. Okay. And some people see it so they go, this is where I left off last time. They go running towards the wreckage and they see two or three ladies running bleeding

and screaming from the wreckage. That will happen. Yeah, they said it was horrifying and nobody knows what caused it, but like six people died on the mechanical failure caused it or the pilot. Or the pilot error. So, maybe there was a werewolf, or. Maybe someone couldn't read the manual. Maybe they got too drunk before they were supposed to read it.

Do you have any more news? I do have more. Maybe you had an ignition interlock thing, you know, where he had to stop and blow in to keep it running. Oh, my goodness. I'm fine, by the way. No, you are not fine. These are the worst reading I've ever seen in my life. Is it worse than the Facebook? My Facebook. I, my goodness. I'm fine, by the way. No, you are not fine. These are the worst

reading I've ever seen in my life. Is it worse than the Facebook, my Facebook? This is worse than your Facebook news. Okay. What's next? Okay. Um, Kellyanne Conway defense Trump. Okay. Uh, citing that he shows great compassion for women. Wait a minute. How long is the summary that you brought in? It's not a summary, because the whole thing- So you thought you'd summarize it on the fly? Yeah, and the fuck? Did you even read this article? I did.

Okay, then summarize it without fumbling around with the paper. This whole- No, don't look at the paper. It's highly- What is it? Don't look at the paper, what happened? What did she do? Okay, so she's on his staff and she's the way that he interacts

with women all the time. And he's been getting all of these accusations as to how he treats women and also sometimes abuses them. And she says, well, if he was doing that, that I wouldn't be on his staff. Okay. There you go. That's the news. Sean, if he was an asshole, she would know. Kelly and Conway was now. So I made a short version of this, but then I kept reading and it got spicier. It's the problem with my summary of this. I mean, there's a lot of problems. The summary length is one of them.

The drunkness is another problem. There is no drunkness. We're gonna give you the interlock breathalyzer system. I dare you. To start, the microphone's gonna have a breathalyzer on it. You have to blow into every couple seconds. Okay, I'll take that bet. It's not a bet. It's not a bet.

It's just the thing that's gonna have to happen. So what was the spiciness? The spiciness was that there was a guy, I guess I'm not gonna look at his name now. No, okay. I'm not pronounced it anyway. He was basic, okay, so she was getting blowback from the liberals.

And then there was a guy saying, well, I don't care what any of you liberal broads are saying because you defended Clinton, who was getting blow jobs in the Oval Office. Which is fine. I have to care about that. I don't care about that. I'm glad that he did. You know, live it up. I don't care.

You're only president once or twice. Yeah, why not get a couple of hummers, you're out there. He wouldn't be the first, he won't be the last. Well, that's stuff some stuff some, you know, get some popcorn, lure them in there with some poppers. There you go. Hey Monica, you want some of these poppers? No, right?

You want a beer? Right. That's what you did, Bobby's sitting in the office. Hey, Monica, you want a beer? Have you thought about your banking needs? How about your banking needs? Yeah. I agree with you.

Thank you. I'm just saying banking needs. I agree with you. Thank you. I'm just saying that that's what another conservative gentleman said, all right. Basically, you have no room to talk. Okay, good. Thank you for the news. Thank you for the news, Jamie. I'm gonna play this thing that a stereo's sending in.

Okay. He says that it's some kind of Cernivage bit. He says Cernivage has a sex tape now. Oh, good. Yeah, it's cool. Very cool. See if it's better than his girlfriends, right? Yeah, that's the contest.

Yeah. He's new writing partner. Mm. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Oh no. new writing partner. Mmm. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Oh, no. Oh, writing the- Oh, it just needs some kind of a setup, I guess. Oh. Well, goddammit. Let me see if he sent me a script. Enjoy boys. That. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh is it. Oh, let's hear it. Oh, right in the deep state. Mmm, yeah. Eat my big black pill. Mmm, mmm. Oh, no.

Oh, you're wetter than the big covered face of the people I talk to. Oh, mmm. Alex, you're the only won with super male vitality. Yes, yes, call me a cuck. Oh, cuck me, cuck me. Cuck me like the Russians of Cuck, the electoral cyber security. Oh, I'm ready to collude. I'm ready to collude.

Yes, call me Trump, call me Trump. I need you to call me Trump so I can finish. Oh! It's cool. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What the fuck?

Oh! I think the coming is too real. Oh! Oh! Yeah. My neither is weaker, the moderator from the dialogue. Oh! Oh!

Oh, that was that was more fun than acuting a liberal of being a Hey, all right. Good night, flashlight. I'll wash you out in the morning. Toot off. He really hates that guy. Serenade bitch, okay. Let's see, I got some stuff from Reddit, some comments from Reddit. The weird masturbator that we talked about got cured. How about that? That quick.

He said he got cured. The guy who? That quick. Yeah, we said he got cured. The guy who was masturbating by humping his wrist. Oh, be damned. Let me find his... That's not the same guy as the one who couldn't come with this girlfriend. No, different. Okay, okay.

Uh, hey, it's me. Glad I got such an honorable claim to fame. I guess I can update you all since my jerking off habits or now of public interest. I took a break from whacking it a bit over the week after that I gave it a shot the normal way and was able to finish without too much issue. Way to a couple days after that

and once again I was able to do it normally. So I think that it's this point basically I just need to not go back to doing it the stupid way. Don't we all and I should be good. If only everything were that simple. Yeah, all I need to do is not go back to doing the stupid ways that fucked me over in the first place. Yeah.

Said every human being who has ever walked the earth. So I, good for you, good luck. My previous attempts never worked because I made, I never made much of an effort. But now that I was made fun of by three respectable, wealthy men in front of thousands of people, I don't know who he's talking about. I don't know who he's talking about. I don't know. I probably find the motivation to stick with it. Very good. Good for you.

Robert Hadrich-Twells says, feminist, I don't know what he's talking about. Oh, he's talking about the grid girls thing. Remember that? Oh, yeah, yeah. The F1 thing. Feminists were getting so crazy inventing this to Boogie Man. It's. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. where Yomokas and where pussy hats, like that's their religious guard. You see?

Is it a bow? Isn't it a pussy bow? What? Oh, do they have, no, they have hats. Oh no, because the original thing is a pussy bow. They call it. No, they have entire hats now. That's part of their religious,

that's part of their religion. That's like a real thing. Yeah. That's like the Pope wears a hat, feminist wear hats as well. Feminist embrace oppressors that aren't white, because I was saying that feminism in Islam are distinctively the same.

They both want to establish a caliphate in the West. They both need the government to oppressively enact their ideologies on everybody. You know what I'm saying is anyway. They're not why because perceived oppression by a group of majority white men is considered less palatable.

And the end is evident that women are not necessarily, oh, geez, this guy gets really into it. Well, he's saying why, why they want Islam to come in and take over, I guess. Yeah. Because being oppressed by white guys is bad, but anything else is fine. They like that. I don't know. Maybe somebody's researched it, who's not.

Trouble planets as Dick in the recent episode, you were pretty grossed out by Tom Brady kissing his son square on the lips. Well, you should know about the Etoro people who are about a billion times worse. The Etoro, I was wondering about a culture or somebody who, you know, who does that? They're worse. The Etoro believe that young boys must ingest

the semen of where elders daily. Oh, wow. From the age of seven until they turn 17 to achieve adult male status and properly grow and mature. Wow. How long were you wondering about that? Yeah, that is. I don't know what, I don't know.

In the back and forth of the watching the tape. I don't know, well, kind of to help them grow strong, but don't worry, it's only little boys because women only waste the life force. Enjoy knowing that for the rest of your life. She is. Go fuck yourself Kyle from Trouble Planet. I don't know what kind of powers you would get by ingesting your elder's semen,

but you can probably take it. You know, maybe if it's like beating marble madness, that's worth eating semen for. Everybody's got their, their, their, your own barometer, everybody's got there there and you're on barometer. Everybody's got their friends I think. You could play guitar. I'd rather sell my soul.

You could play guitar like anything you want, but I'll take your soul. Yeah, that's fine. I don't need it. That's fine. Don't even believe in it actually. Give me the powers. You got to eat Simon for 10 years. No.

Not going to happen. I'll just sound crappy. That's fine. Let's see here. I got, I'll do this advice next week. It's love advice. Maybe we should have done this instead of the news. Do it.

I saw my name on there somewhere. No, it's not. I don't think so. All right. I, I, Mad think so. All right. I mad cucks is oh. Asterios is here. Hello. Hey, what's up, man? Hey, so you got you got the response back for your your lawsuit, huh? Oh, yeah, I can't comment on any active litigation. Hey, how much work does it take to set up that there's a third of its sex tape out?

I don't know anything. I don't follow. I don't know. I'm literally texting you on Thursday. Hey, there's a third of its sex tape. I'm going to write a bit about it. You said the real. That is literally all the setup you need for the bit. Well, call in, you said it up. What are you at a toast factory or something eating toast? What a toast, what the hell are you talking about? You got to have an alcoholic. Yeah, that's true. There is a service.

I don't know that. I didn't know that. I mean, to be honest, oh yeah, no, there's a, I mean, look, there is allegedly a certain sex tape out there and then put the bits about. Wow. I'm reading the text messages to see it up. I remember I see we were talking about

having dreams of losing the lawsuit, talking about a lot. Have you been having those dreams? Oh, yes, it's terrifying. Can you imagine if this guy wins? Yeah, I'll, it's, it'll be unrecoverable. Yeah, it's, I would feel shame for the rest of my life., it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, as like a longshoreman or something like up in Alaska like the end of Dexter or don't start a life. I mean, hello to Miguel Sanchez. Yes, it's that kind. It's open as synopuntime. A stereo is there is a shit load of texts here that I'm going back through to find a certain

of itch one. Well, it's not it's not my fault that we text each other like 14 year old girls. Yeah. All right, man. Well, good luck on the lawsuit. I don't know, you got any, what makes you a rage? You got anything? Yeah, when hosts don't set up my bits properly, I'll talk to you later. Your girlfriend doesn't need bits set ups. What about throwing up, just throwing up, make you a race?

Yeah, can we play the audio if you're throwing up? Please. Oh, he left. He's fine. All right, everybody, this is the Dix show. Go to Dix show at show, thedixshow. Please. Oh, he left. All right. All right, everybody, this is the Dix show. I'm going to Dix show that show the Dix show.com. Gmailing Hughes, your news is terrible, but your workout regimens and your meal plans are great.

Thank you. And I look incredible after having done them like three or four times. You did a full stream. You've dropped weight. I've dropped a lot of weight. You definitely have. Yeah. You did a Twitch stream on Friday. Uh-huh. And everybody was commenting about those the guns, the 20, 20 something inch Python. And those triceps. Yeah, the triceps.

I'm getting really into triceps. And those traps. Yeah. That's the new biceps. Um, all right, everybody. Jamie Linhues.com. uh... jamin lindy who's calm jamin who's not going to work out uh... or if you want to come uh... read terrible news at your at your house or your comedy show shall call you up why wouldn't you and print things out a couple minutes she'll spend an hour doing her makeup looks good and then she'll print out some news and not summarize it even though it's she's heard it the news

now the news is more yet my news is more, yeah, my news is more important. All right, everybody. See in Portland. See next Tuesday. This song is by Anthony Charles Esquire again. It's how the cringe stole Cuxmas. Oh, it was Cuxmas got ruined this year. It was stolen by the cringe.

Mm-hmm. Like cringe, but a cringe. Right, right, right. All the dickheads in the dick show enjoyed cock-miss-g-law. But the cringe wouldn't have it, and pseudo-sterious, and more. With Santa Cuck-Con, surely cock-miss was too. But the dickheads didn't yield, instead, inspired and knew. They kept joking and shitposting and spreading around memes

and making up songs and plotting out schemes, and the cringe himself was bamboozled by this. How could all of these people keep on taking the piss? So the cringe thought of something he hadn't thought of before? Maybe Cuckmiss perhaps doesn't come from the iTunes store? Maybe Cuckmiss perhaps? Just means making fun of George. And so, without further ado... You're a mean one.

Mr. Crinch. You really are a creep. You're as funny as a wet bed in your mom's house when you sleep. Mr. Crinch! You're an uncomfortable-gilded shirt that is... Stupid and she- You're a broke one, Mr. Grinch, Rebecca Count is just a quarter. Your brain is all spaghetti and your whiny voice is torture, Mr. Grinch. I wouldn't touch you with her. 500 foot restraining order.

You're a vile one. Mr. Grinch, there's jambalaya in your smile. You have all the charm and presence of a grinning pedophile Give it the choice between the two of you I take the Grining pedophile I need I need some Facebook news. Yes. Captain Jackass has really stepped up his game.

Unlike some people who have stepped down their game. My game is always hot. Terrible news. Some people in the chat disagree with you. Do you need one of those skate-nmate walkers for the news, though? Like, you could load up and not fail so tremendously? It's, it is, you write a summary, read the summary, and then that's it. Well, what happens if you have a whole new story where every paragraph is interesting?

A summary. That's, you get three sentences. Have you heard the news like on the radio? It's three sentences. And... Well, what if I just wanted to do it differently? Yeah, there's people have tried that. They got their their news run right out of town for a good reason. There's Facebook. Hello, Dick and hello, Dick Hats. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. We have some updates regarding last week's new segment participants. This is a big week for my Colbert and the

temporary receptionist. Mike is beginning to regret sticking up for Mike was surprised to see a large down tick and productivity regarding transactions. But what later find out she's been sending all of the bill payments to their 1-866 number rather than processing the payments herself. She also asked what a word document was. This wouldn't be the last we've seen a mic this week, ask himself and another elder statesman of the Dixiel Facebook group Jack began to feud.

Both men are well into their 40s. Jack began to feud by demanding that we quote, kick this mic bitch, and ever since then two elder statesmen had begun arguing over facial hair, meeting the fight in parking lots and each other's age. Evan Russell posted in the group Thursday evening announcing his departure. This would be the eighth post since last November that he's made, saying he's going to leave, and it works every single time. As each post, both a high percentage of angry and sad reacts and comments saying that they don't care.

Maxwell, the silver hammer, Kimball, posted a one hour and 33 minutes stream of himself going to sleep. The stream abruptly ended when he was well into his sleep. We could assume his phone died. Lastly, Adam Cooper is back. And instead of professing his love for a prostitute, he let Dickheads know he's living in a homeless shelter and just head sex with a crackhead. Oh, that was a surprise. He's prompted Dickheads to demand evidence. Cooper did provide evidence by showing he's

living in a homeless shelter where he took a selfie with his sleeping bunkmate. When asked for an update on the prostitute, he told me he's just too grossed out to continue on with her, but it'll still hang out with the Reverend now and then. Regarding the crackhead, Cooper says he bought her a couple rocks and asked her if she wanted the fuck she obliged. Apparently she's new to crack, so her image is still tolerable and not ruined. This threat also included comments advocating for crack usage, begging Cooper to get tested, and comments demanding that he get his life back on track. However, my personal favorite was from Matt Livingstone,

who asked, how does it feel to hit rock bottom and still be able to talk down to Maddox? Whoa, that's bad. And the Dickshow Facebook group news for the last couple days. Very good news. Interesting. Cooper the Roofer.

Gets around. Yeah, he really does. Let's play some voicemails. I mean, I was a bit 12 years old. I sold all my Batman toys, so I could buy my first guitar. And I was out the back door, pretty loud. It sounds like him. He had some kids and I went outside with the guitar. One of them through a stone. And it cracked the finish on the guitar. I just calmly sat the guitar down and went over to him. And I don't really remember what I did, but I

remember somebody shaking me and my hands were in his neck and he was tumbling blue. So yeah, you rage can make you forget what you do sometimes. This is a guy who's got a workout rage. Yeah, that really happens. Well, he's obviously sound Scottish too, but this is a real issue. Like, this is a real thing that people don't remember when they get so unraged. I was, I was, I was half serious on that, because I think he's, because I said, it's just like some bullshit.

Yeah. Like attorneys used to get off, right? I thought it was. Well, no, I think I'm, I'm sure in many cases it is. Yeah. But I mean, there, I think there is such a thing as a blind rage or a, I mean, they, they came from somewhere. I wonder if it's more scary for the victim or the person.

Oh, probably the victim. You mean the one who's going to be killed. Like, you know, if it's scary for somebody who has no conscious or someone who's getting beat to death by a incredible. Like afterwards, can you imagine coming to and seeing like your handiwork, like you just beat your sister to a pulp other than the person who got their ass beat? I think it's them that's the more scary one.

I'm saying that that's a wrong answer. I'm just saying, can you imagine coming to and realizing what you've done? Yes, I have a lot of experience with that. Oh, it's not rage based and it's not violent based. Right. It's just oops, who the fuck did I tech? Oh, shit, I witch hand texted all that stuff.

Up, whoops. Hey, Dick, this is Matt from South Carolina. I'm just listening to this week's show. And got a solid letter from the guy telling you about him doing a prune masturbation and yeah that is that's definitely a pretty common thing I mean I don't know what else personally he did it but I did it for I mean I found out about that when I was like 11 before I could even fucking bust and not like Like I was just, it just felt good.

And then by the time I could, I just kept doing it. And then high school comes around, get a girlfriend, date of it, pitch for four years. And I don't think she made me come like twice. And it just got to the point where sex is embarrassing. But I mean, you just gotta, if anyone else has that issue, you just gotta stop. You can't cut your stuff.

It feels like good. You gotta get that sensitivity back. That kind of masturbate? I've never done it. Yeah, I just gotta stop. You can't cut stuff at all. It's a field of that good. You gotta get that sensitivity back. That kind of master-based? I've never done it. I should try it. I should try it. It does feel that good.

See that. Maybe they should be, instead of no domestic violence ads, they should be doing a stop. This is how you jerk off. Guys, don't jerk off in a silly way. Because it's later going to lead to domestic violence. Yeah. At least you could stop one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stop the other with a billboard. Girls can do it that way. Hey,

dick, I'm still in from Pennsylvania and my rage for this time is, it's just fucking fat people. I'm tired of looking at him. I go to the fucking bank and it's filled with fat people. They're talking about how oh, I can't wait The super ballin this is last week and before the fucking Eagles won and then they're all excited I can't wait to fill my fat face with more fat fucking face food These women need to lose weight. I say specifically women because that's her works in fucking banks I say specifically women because that's where it's a fucking bank. All these women have to do is just eat a little less every day. So I'm trying to make sure I try everything. I try so hard I work out.

You're not, you're not trying. You are not trying, okay? And I get it. It's probably hard for you because you've never tried anything before. You've been given everything. You barely have to try to get into college or past a class. And now you've got a little fat after getting pregnant. And it's just like Jesus, dude, just stop eating.

You're eating something you're not telling us about. Even my own sister, I have this problem with. She tried to tell me, oh, I barely eat anything. Stop lying. After she had our kid, we're in a lot of need. on sister i have this problem was you tried to tell me oh i barely eat anything stop lying to me how do you have our kid? don't lie to me you're so bad you're lying to everybody

it's never just that they can't just not fucking eat something alright so that's it it's just god people to stop eating please we're all gonna you're gonna fucking die You're all gonna die if that and maybe that's for the best Maybe we let Darwin isn't take over and we let these fatties eat themselves but that It's so aesthetically I'm pleasing you know nice it would be there's a couple cute girls have worked at the bank

If they would drop a couple fucking pounds on nice that would be for me after a hard week of work I go in to give my pay and they have you know you know a little bus be tested cute girl working at the fucking front that's no it's just some fucking fat. There we go. We have the real reason that disgust me okay so I don't know I guess my rage is just fat people so yeah just fat people. So yeah, fat people. They have a good one. That was good when we're going.

There's friends that you hear in personal training that trainers will tell to their clients, and that is what you eat in private, you wear in public. Boy. Yeah. I forgot what I was gonna say. I hate that thing so much.

Cause it's true. No, because I hate those, every time somebody gives me a little quip, I wanna put my fist through the back of their head. Like, first of all, I see that smug face you've got when you're telling me that and you didn't write that. Somebody else did. So don't be a fucking hallmark card in my face.

I can throw those in the trash because I hate them. I can't throw you in the trash legally even though I want to because you're the same. You're a walking card. If you go into a blind rage, you'm about to go into a blind fucking raid. You may, you may get off. Has that ever helped someone? I don't know. I don't subscribe to that idealistic,

everything has to be right, fitness. I like to get as much bad things and as possible and still look nice. Yeah. I forget what that fucking guy, oh he's talking about fanpage. Yeah. And his wishes chicks were hotter.

He wants a busty baby about the big teller. Right. That's what he, that would, everybody's got to lose weight so he can get, so he can get some hot, just some hot chicks. So he needs a, we need augmented reality. God, also you just walk around as replaces everybody.

Mm-hmm. He's just a regular guy, busting his ass every week. He just wants to deposit his check with a busting babe. Hey, dick, this is Bobbi from New York City. No one makes me a fucking rage when men make fun of the preference that other men have for shaved puppies. They're like, you know, like that natural bush. What do you, a pedophile with little girls like, fuck off?

Like, maybe we just like that aesthetic. Like, who the fuck are you to say? Maybe I don't want the fucking hair all up in my face when I'm down there. Jesus. Right, see you next Tuesday. I know what he's talking about. I think the solution is you just don't talk up.

There's no need to talk to other men about what you're doing with, there you go. That's very simple. If a guy wants to start in the conversation of, so what kind of pussy are you, are you into to say, you need to get the fuck away from me? Right. I'm not, I'm not having that conversation.

That conversation cannot benefit us, neither of us. No, I have my preferences. I'm probably gonna lie to you a number of ways if we start talking about this. That's a young man's talk. This thread comes up in the Facebook group like once every four or five months and I feel like it's silly that guys are talking about it,

but every guy that's been in a long-term relationship knows that whatever your preference is, it doesn't matter if that's what your girl does, there's always going to be a... Another girl. No, there's always going to be a sacrifice from a... Exactly right. Shave versus not...

No need to get girls' shame. Just be careful, girl. No need to get girls' shame. No need to to get committed to it because she's out the door. It doesn't mean that she's always going to be that way. Uh huh. Men and they're idealized. What? Just it's just funny to me because I see these questions that they're asking like,

do you like shaved? You like not shaved? Yeah. And if you've been in a relationship with somebody like how do you like shaved? You like not shaved? Yeah. And if you've been in a relationship with somebody, I'm like, how do you like your news? I like a written down summer. Some people just let it go wild. Go here and, yeah, go here and, so over.

There's never just, you can't just choose a thing and that's how it stays. Like there's a spectrum. All right, I was just back from all right. Yeah. A shaving spectrum. Hey, Dick, I saw this Jake, this is a bad one. Oh, a little rage. A rage is single serving army bros.

And I know that can sound confusing, but let me just go with this. You know, there's assholes who write out a high school sign up for the military because they think, oh I'm going to go get a GI bill. I'm going to get a GI bill on my go to college. So they go there under the auspices of I'm just here for government money. And as soon as they're snissed out by the hard core dudes, they immediately dive into army culture. They get army tattoos that need a fucking paragraph

and a half of explaining they can go ahead and buy up challenge coins that don't really exist you know the guys they once are out all you see them do is walking around wearing like ray band blades or whatever to hell those fucking razors that razor Ramone used to walk around in and also they always have like tap out shirts because they can't uh... afford it if any of the uh... more high dollar blinked out uh... ufc inspired yet well you get these guys out in the worst and fragile

because all they want to do is just yap yap yap yap about the military and uh... they are they are yap yap yap yap about the military and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and compound himself takes all roles. Don't get it, but they're always like. What do you have a patent say? You have this profound attitude, like, don't you know who I am? And don't you know what I've done for you? You plebbed? Well, yeah, I know what you did.

You sucked up a bunch of free government money made it through a college that they paid for. Didn't live up to expectations, and now you're working in the same fucking factory that I work in and you also do not have a college degree. So why don't you climb down off your high tank and maybe take a breath for a minute remember what you used to do in the military which was fucking full uniforms and clean pistols. You are not important. Not anymore.

It's like those guys just talking about how they were such a great football player in high school. What do you do now, Kurt? Do you deliver pizzas? I thought. It is, it is. And it is, there's like, he's called out like his buddy or his brother or his like, who's always, he's like, like his buddy or his brother. Yeah.

He's always, I have a person too, damn, got damn it. He just left home from. Yeah, yeah. There's like teachers, military guys and cops. Always need more, always need our thanks. There's never enough thanks to go around for them, right? Do you ever hear, you don't ever hear, like, let's pay, I guess they call them first responders

now, but I thought they were always just talking about cops. Yeah, well, yeah, first ones. They're not talking about paramedics. Like, they're, you see a parade. It's always those three jobs, though. Those are the ones that we gotta, well, we gotta think more. Which ones?

Teachers, military guys and cops. Suspicious. It's suspicious, because it makes me think we're paying them with things instead of money, which I don't like doing because I don't like thinking for anything, even snacks, I need my thanks to myself. And three, I think they're getting a raw deal. Like they're getting sold, these guys are,

you know, cutting themselves and taking on this whole personality instead of getting the money that they deserve for it. Yeah. It is aggravating. It is the, the, the, um, the economy of thanks. Yeah. It's fucking annoying because it's, it's, it's do, like a pack of cigarettes has to say

this will cause cancer on it. Yeah. Because we don't, we don't trust people to know that. And maybe it works. I don't know. But then you've got the every super bowl game saying everybody, let's give thanks to the fucking military. Where is the little warning that says, you might, if you do this, you've got to shit in a bag in the desert from month. You've

got to be a part, you have to have no access to pussy in the prime athletic prime of your life when the chicks are giving it away, giving it away, you have to voluntarily, you have to voluntarily avoid this paradise time of your life. And they're like, where the fuck is that label? Everybody rise. Like, no, everybody fucking turn to the nearest young man that you know and say, dude, fucking think twice before doing this because you are getting sent over there for bullshit, for fucking oil for bullshit, right?

Um, you're getting sent over there for whatever reason they happen to come up with. Your life ain't your own. And you might just be folding parachutes. Yeah. Like there's not going to be a dragon for you to slay. Good. If you, if you want to do it, do it. Just, just think about it. might just be folding parachutes. Like there's not gonna be a dragon for you to slay. If you wanna do it, do it. Just think about it. Think twice.

Think twice about it, make sure that's what you wanna do. Don't let all these, don't let this parade to, don't let this parade rope you in and make you think that, like, oh, I don't let it trick you and the thing that it's something you gotta do. Look at this, it's gonna be, I'm gonna be on the Super Bowl I'm gonna be on the field in the Super Bowl. Yeah, you're not. Yeah, you're not. No. No

You're just gonna be explaining your tattoo too many times. Hmm Hey, dick. This is Jake and Michigan I just want to leave you a quick little message about how much I hate the fucking snow about how much I hate the fucking snow. Did they got the fucking highway in part for the last 20 goddamn minutes? Because the fucking people can't drive. I wanted to call the farmers and say, hey, I'm pissed off because I can't do fucking truck. I'm driving this little piece of shit car for the last goddamn 15 years and I just want

a fucking truck to get to work to get out of a fucking snow. But now if you wouldn't fucking matter, do you know what? I hate the fucking snow. Don't ever move to Michigan. You have to deal with this shit constantly. It's snowing. Every fucking day, it's fucking awful.

So just get the out of a fucking snow. Don't fuck yourself. Oh man. Yeah, I don't know what it's like. It's no. Probably get tiring. I get tired of it. Sunshine gets tiring here, same day every day.

It's like static, like the weather's just like a white noise. Mad Cux was here, but he disappeared. Yeah. Fuck. Hmm. Ah, supposed to come on. Sean does a good Mad Cux. He was going to say that he was going to think that i was gonna say that he was gonna come

clean about his uh... oh he was uh... i wish he would just break in he's got a tight schedule education i've had a question for you guys i've always been a

pretty past of guy don't don't get too angry or uh... try to make people to upset how do you how do you just unleash the rage and just don't tether yourself and just just become such an angry person to everybody I feel I'm too uh too nice and I get walked all over and I don't know. It's just hard for me to stop it. All right, thanks. Love the show, guys. Too nice and gets walked all over.

Start, start, start small. You got to start small. One thing you won't get walked all over anymore. And that's, we'll call that your trigger. And then if anybody ties it to take that from you, you just totally lose it. Like even somebody who's never flipped out like an awkward swearing and throwing things,

even if you break down crying at the end of it, it's good, it's a good start. Just do it again. Don't ever let, you pick one thing and don't ever's good, it's a good start. Just do it again. Don't ever let you pick one thing and don't ever let somebody take it away from you again. There's gotta be something that triggers a response. No matter how passive you are. Because he said, he said,

I let people walk all over me. Yeah, right? So that must mean asking him for things, asking him to pay for things, like you're never gonna pay, you're never gonna loan money again. No, never, never, don't even fucking ask me to do it. No is the answer. You're not gonna pick anybody up from the airport anymore.

Doesn't care, you let them do everything else, but just pick that one fucking thing. And don't let them play that fucking math game that everybody, well you did this. So and I did this for you, all I'm asking, it would make it a lot easier if you did this for me because I need to do and this is to say absolutely fucking not. And then you won't feel good. It'll feel like shit. You go inside and I could have easily done, I could have helped this guy. Could have easily done it, I must be a bad friend. Right. Fuck it. Yeah. Get a walkin'. We're very attached to that giant score court in the sky. What?

What the, I did this for you. So you should do this for me. People are, they're very attached to that, to that idea. Yeah, because they were trying to manipulate you. That's good. Yeah, done that. Fucking man, a dammit. Dang it, man, it cooks out to go back to work.

Hmm, well, I got Nick. Test is how can I get a boob guy with only seas? Well, don't trick him. Oh, man, do not, don't try to trick a guy with the battery, you know, they don't, women have bras that like hold the shape. And they're not just supportive. They're like giant foam contraptions. I've never been, I was so disappointed.

One time I got a girl's bra off and found it, like her tits came off with the bra. It's like, what the fuck is, what is this shit? Fun. What's fun? Putting them on. Oh, it's fun for you guys to put them on. Yeah, play pretend. Do it in

doing the privacy of your own bedroom, please. It was or at least like let a guy know by date number two that this is that this merchandise is is phony. And that stuck with me forever. It was so traumatized like, Oh, what? And I'm trying to keep hard and like not react to it. Like, bitch, what come on, man? What is this shit? Like I can't imagine that level of perpetrating something so maliciously deceptive on, oh, I'm not a woman, of course I can't imagine, but it's so, so So bad and she had those little chicken cutlet things too the little rub the little silicone like

Placins she didn't have it and she had owned them that she wasn't used to employing them against me Yeah, but she owned them God chicken cutlet. I never got over that. We did it for a long time I never got I always every every fucking time it was like in my brain She would wear the bra out again, and I would be like, you bitch, that's not, yet you don't look like that. Lie on to everybody in this room. Yeah, you fucking lie.

Don't even, don't ever tell me anything other than like, I'm not extremely vain again, if you're going around with completely fake tits. Hmm, not fake, not with completely fake tits. Not fake. Not the good fake tits. Not fake tits that you commit to runs that you, that's a commitment. That's a commitment.

It's about commitment. She was committed to anything. The fair weather fake tits. Exactly. Front runner fake tits. To be fair. Run its convenient. Those cannot be enjoyed. The real, the commitment fake tits can still be enjoyed. Well, no, you're wrong.

This is enjoyment for one. And it's not me. And that's what I'm concerned about. That's what you're concerned about. I'm concerned about. So test there you go. Don't, don't deceive. You know, what are you saying is get a boob job? No, don't get a boob job for a guy. Get a boob job for yourself. Because it looks better. That's the best one I ever made. Yeah, I don't know. Boots or boobs.

It'll be all right. I'll come around. Seas aren't small. No. I mean, maybe two die hard boob guy, they want much bigger. You don't want to, you don't want a boob guy. They're very mature. Oh, I can't commit.

That's the fucking joke. Hey, these girls, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's enough. That's enough.