The Dick Show - Episode 9 – Dick on the DNC

Episode Date: August 2, 2016

Download the MP3 The podcast helps someone become an astronaut, gummy vitamins make me a rage, the DNC turns me into an evil Care Bear, Denzel has an alcohol opportunity, Tylre Perri’s Black Out, and Dustin gets into reddit drama. All this and more on this episode of The Dick Show! If you’re looking for … Continue reading "Episode 9 – Dick on the DNC" The post Episode 9 – Dick on the DNC appeared first on The Dick Show.

Yeah, yeah, welcome to Dick. You need Dick, you love Dick. You want more Dick. You got it. It's the show where everything is a contest. I can't stress that enough. With me, today I'm your host, Dick Masterson. With me, today is Sean, audio engineer like always. Hello, Dick.

What's up, buddy? And this week, the Ho host with the Momo. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh,buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh He's the, it's tough because, like you think of a cam show, like a hot Russian stripper, who's on cam just kind of sitting there, talking their making money, but Tim Chang's, he's busting his, I don't know what he's doing on his cam show, playing video games,

or busting his ass six ways from Sunday. I hope he's making money, but I don't know what he's doing over there. Probably not. But I haven't heard from him to be on his cam show since I asked, I just asked the question a couple episodes ago. Is it true that Madaggs told him he couldn't be on this show and still have a show of his own on the Indiana Jones

purse network. Yeah, the man cast network. That's all I wanna know. I loved him, Changs. I love him. I just wanna know if that's true, right? Why are we so secretive about everything? Why, like, this is, and this is what I think about it.

I think you gotta tell people, the people are very smart. Like, people collectively as a whole. Mob mentality, no, no, let me tell you something. This is what, mob mentality always makes the right call unless they don't have all the data. If they have all the data and the data is moving through the mob fast enough,

they make the right call. That's true more times than an individual does. And there's, look guys, look, there's been studies done on this. I don't know, I mean call that's true more times than an individual and there's look guys look there's been studies done on this Right I mean first first Scyther sites your sources why it does why like any Tip Tim Bong and Ding Dong published a paper at the a horny university That says like it doesn't fucking matter the problem with the fucking internet now? People just post studies and don't expect you to look at the sources, right? Most people don't.

You look at the sources and it's done by fucking sous-shit. All of you. Well. Blow job at fucking Dick State University. Oh, and you got to look at who funds it. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, it's fucking horses.

No, I don't know about that sources, but that doesn't mean that there aren't legitimate sources online. That's true. That's true. Yeah, but the methodologies is like, they'll, you know, well, maybe we'll get into the bonus episode because my life coach is going to be here. And last week I said that studies are the modern way of just lying. Like if you're calling studies, you're just manufacturing authority.

Like, here's a study I have that says, that says, mob mentality is always right. Because like, I just, just argue the point. Like, I don't care about your data because for all I know, you put out an ad on Craigslist or mechanical Turks and people are self-reporting what their income is, like, how they would react in situations. And it's all bullshit.

It's just like, every study I see now is, oh, that's what people think about themselves, okay. Dude, every time I get on Facebook and I say, and I see a study that says, study finds fat people are more attractive. And it's like, are you fucking kidding me? The writer is just some asshole whose fat or has a fat friend that wants to make them feel good about themselves.

And the scientist is just looking to get more grant money. And this is the first thing I wanted to talk about today was how important it is that everything is a contest. Right? I got, I've mentioned this guy before, Dr. Spaceman, my college roommate is a legit face man, my college roommate is a legit doctor of astronomy who I think, I think maybe I prepped him and I helped him in his upcoming astronaut training. Like I think if he gets, you know, he says legit as it gets to it. He's doing it. He's doing it again. So he went through the entire astronaut training program either last

year or the year before because he's also a pilot. He's like a legit physicist. He's been to the South Pole with the, whatever they do with the South Pole because it's cheaper to go to the South Pole and like send weather balloons up into the air and circle around like their stupid experiments, then sending it out into space. Not that they want you to know that because they still wanna go to space. Like that's what, they're not, NASA's not gonna tell us like,

hey, instead of spending a trillion dollars to get into space, let's just go fly some weather balloons around the South Pole. They don't want you to know that. That's from me to you, the listener. That's the scam that NASA's perpetrator, just send up a balloon. Send up a balloon. It's, you tell me, well, don't tell me scam that NASS is perpetrated. Just send up a balloon. Send up a balloon.

You tell me, don't tell me what good needs to go in his space. Just send it up and go, anyway, he's legit. He's a legit scientist. Let me start this timer. But, what? No, he's a legit scientist who's involved in, he's involved in the LIGO gravitational wave detector. This motherfucker is building satellite arrays to detect incoming asteroids.

Like, not, like, not Earth killing asteroids, one that, ones that will wipe out cities. Because I said, listen, motherfucker, I know what you're up to. I know this, the sky is falling scam. Don't try to, I know, and you'll get the money for it, but don't tell me what you're up to. I know this, the sky is falling scam. Don't try to, I know, and you'll get the money for it, but don't tell me that you're doing me a favor by you building all these telescopes. It'll tell me when an asteroid is coming to wipe out the earth.

What am I gonna do? Get started on my looting early. And he says, no, it's actually for little asteroids that are just like coming down and gonna hit Boston and LA. We can give you like two days notice. These are like hydrogen bombs that, that God, God is raining down on the sky on us. Where were you on that one, God?

Like did the dinosaurs have it anyway? So he's legit, right? But he's going through this training program. I don't wanna give too much information on the guy because I don't wanna drag him down into my cesspool. Like he's got literally and figuratively the escape velocity trajectory to perhaps escape me, my event horizon of bullshit,

and become a legit astronaut. And that he's wanted to do since he was a teenager, right? So last year, this is the astronaut training program he tells me about. It's a bunch of military pilots it's a bunch of scientists and it's you know, it's just some women that they had to throw in there. So he goes there and they're doing like they're doing like like Victorian era squats. This is like the this is the physical education requirement. This is like the physical toughness. Then there's a mental toughness.

They'll review them psychologically to make sure there isn't anything wrong with them. And then the final step is the interview. Where you, this is what an interview is. You convince them, you make them feel good in the pit of their heart that they need to send you up into space, right?

And he was telling me about the last time he did it, that at the interview was an hour and a half, and he didn't even feel like he got out of high school, like he was telling them why he loves science and what he's done, because he's been working on something with JBL, even as a kid. I don't. And I say, well, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. This is what you gotta do because the podcast is also an hour and a half long.

And I'm used to filling it with topics of bullshit in increments of 20 minutes, right? I said, this is what you gotta do. You gotta pick your four greatest, like four most emotional, biggest accomplishments in science and then you work backwards from them. You make the claim of, this is what I did. I went to the South Pole and I banged a physicist there or whatever you did, whatever you did on the South Pole. And then you work backwards from there.

And then 20 minutes later, watch the clock set a timer for yourself. You switch it up. You go into the, so I think if he does get picked this time, it's basically because of me. And I, let's all, and I said, oh, you got to just throw a little to Dick show in your radio transmission, just to get it on the logs and ask, don't say dickshow.com, say the dick show, like you don't want the gay porn dickshow.com in the national archives, right? But the dick show, that'd be great. That'd be great. So I think I think I'm getting a man to space basically.

What's hope so? And then he can shoot dumb music videos with a very expensive camera. For the Super Bowl. For the Super Bowl. That's the other thing I told him. I such an asshole. I love it. You know, I try.

You got to have a stick as an astronaut now. Like, what was that guy's name? Tom something. Tom something. Tom mustache with the acoustic guitar and outer space. You know, set your, set your source, please. Who? Me? You. Yeah. Oh, I can, I can pull it up right now if you really want me to. No one gives you shit. Everybody knows who you're talking about. No one gives a shit. It's the astronaut that makes viral videos. So it's like, dude, spaceman, you gotta be like the cool astronaut that snuck a natty ice into space.

And you like crack open brews as you're going through physics. Like, do make those little balls or whatever you're doing, but with beer, you gotta be the cool guy. So when you get back, you can go like, mix, I fucking love science all over fraternities all over the US, right? Yeah. Yeah, anyway. What makes me a rage this week?

So everything is a, oh, everything is a contest. So this guy is, I was saying, he works on all these huge physics projects. He says he's the fourth best or the fifth best in the world at detecting incoming asteroids for wiping us out. The contest is driving these people. That's what he's, the contest is driving them to protect us from asteroids. He said they've detected three comets now,

and I'm, because I'm always hitting him up for like, well, you find all these planets, but planets always have stupid names, like M203. Yeah. And what's, who gives a shit about this plan? How is this? Why don't you name it something cool? Like every, there's enough cool names on Earth to go around.

What would you name a planet? I'm a homad, I don't care. Name it any, name it Hulk Ogan. Oh, so, so the cops, so they're not allowed to name planets, which would drive me insane if I'm there pouring over the data, finding the planets. They are allowed to name planets, which would drive me insane if I'm there pouring over the data finding the planets. They are allowed to name comets. So I'm like, oh awesome. He said they found three comets this year,

and he's fifth on the list. To name a cat, for being named. Yeah, isn't that cool? That's really cool. The person who spots it doesn't get to name it. Well, because they work as a collective. Oh, okay. They work as a collective and they also hoard all the data.

He's telling me about all the satellite data, like all the telescope data that's coming in. And I'm like, well, he says that they get it in chunks, right? When they're running the telescope, they get to look at it. And I'm like, oh, cool. So what's the problem with processing it? Why don't you just, like, we throw it out to all of civilization, somebody's gonna run through that data

and find something right, he goes, no, no, no, no, we don't do that. We get the data first. There's no open pipeline to this. I'm like, oh, you motherfuckers. You know exactly, and he's the way he said it to. I was like, you know that I'm saying I paid for that. We paid for that.

Let's see that, they just keep it. They keep it to themselves, they keep, it's always a scam. It's always a scam so they can, well, we don't want anybody else to find something. We're going to find the asteroid that's coming out to wipe everybody out first. And then we'll give it to you. Once obliteration happens, once the asteroid hits and North America's wiped off the face of the earth, then we'll give the data to you anyway. That's what happened to Space Man. I'm hoping a guy gets,

this is what makes me rage this week. Gummy vitamins. They're dope. I don't know. They're excuse me. What is dope about gummy vitamins, then, Zell? It's a convenient way of taking them without having to drink a bunch of water with it.

You just pop one in your mouth, rather than, oh, I gotta take my optimum nutrition supplement. Now I gotta go find some fucking water to drink, but now I can just go grab some vitamin C, pop it in my mouth to it. It tastes like shit, but. It tastes like gummy bears. Yeah.

It tastes like candy, and it is candy. This is, we're heading for a future where beer comes in sippy cups. Am I the only one that liked the chalk of vitamins? Flinched on vitamins as a kid. And you know, the best thing ever before this gummy vitamin shit came along, I would have said eating flinstone vitamins as an adult was degenerate. But now, now they're full on candy. Like you go to Target, they had to be explained to me that when I was little that they were not candy. What, flinstone vitamins?

I buy this fuckers by the handful. Yeah. No, you, no kids today don't even eat, don't even eat the flinstone vitamins. They get straight up candy. Like I chew into it. They look gummy bears. They're exactly like gummy bears.

They're like big gum drops They're exactly like gummy bears. They're like big gum drops. Every, every chick has them now. Every chick has a row of gummy bears that they call vitamins in their pantry, with their kitchen or wherever that they eat every day as though in a, with a, in a slash reward slash, I'm healthy. I'm making myself healthy. I'm making myself healthy by eating fucking candy, and I can't stand these, when I take a bite into a gummy vitamin, I feel in my soul and physically, I feel like my teeth are rotting.

Like I've been given these, I refuse them now because I can't take it. Like I give, and they like, these girls, well, do you want a vitamin, do you want a vitamin C? I guess I'm always down for vitamin C because I'm always sick. The handy vitamin C, I get a big handful of candy, like I'm trick or treating,

that I'm supposed to eat one by one, and it seconds me to have this handful of goo that I have to chew through. Am I the only one? You're, I don't mind it. I don't mind them at all. I take supplements daily and I don't buy the two of the ones, but I'm not gonna be upset if I get one.

Denzel, it's disgusting. And they're inching, you go to Target, and the gummy vitamins are inching the regular vitamins out of the way. Out of the way. Out of the vitamins? Yeah, I way. Do you take regular vitamins? Yeah, I do, the ones that you just swallow. No, I do too.

Yeah, or the ones you swallow. Yeah, I don't chew on, but you know. I want to feel as though I'm suffering a little bit for this nutrition. I don't want to feel like I want, I like borax soap. I liked it, it hurts a little bit. I feel like it's making me cleaner. I want the vitamin to be abrasive or caustic in some way.

I want to feel that chalk residue on my tongue. Like this is like nothing else you've eaten today. Therefore, it's healthy. I want to feel like I've suffered a little bit to get healthy. You know what I'm saying? I don't want it to be a gummy bear that I'm eating to get healthy. I don't want everyone. I don't want everyone to give up that feeling of, I'm suffering.

That's why you drink real liquor. That's why I drink real liquor and shit like that. You've got to be okay with Scotch. You've got to be okay with gin. You've got to be okay with vodka. I got tastes like Scotch gin and vodka. Scotch slucks. Scotch is great.

Scotch is the greatest thing in the world. It tastes like wood. It tastes like smoke. It tastes like smoke. But the meat tastes like smokey wood. They're all great. Scotch is the greatest thing in the world. It tastes like wood. It tastes like the real, but the meat tastes like smokey wood. They're all different. Depending on where they come from. You don't drink Scotch?

What do you drink? No, I will drink either straight vodka or gin. All right. Okay, at least you got gin. I went through a year's long gin phase. The gin is nice. Gin is real nice. I want my physical pain to match my psychic pain,

an emotional pain. I want the vitamin, I want the chalky vitamin that has no reward other than future benefits. I want everyone to suffer like me. I want children to not associate everything healthy, to not associate everything healthy, to not associate good habits, and healthy habits with candy,

which I don't believe that it's good for you. I don't fucking believe that you can get fiber in a gummy bear. I, that's something, that's something I can definitely get behind, like incentivizing kids to eat candy because it's like, oh, it's associated with health at this point. Like, I definitely understand that,

but on the same side of the coin, or on the other side of the coin, I just don't think it's that big of a deal. I think they're tasty at some points. Some of them taste like ass. The fish oil gummies are terrible, but I will eat them if they're present. There's nothing you haven't convinced me that there's anything wrong with just swallow it

and get it over with. Just swallow the vitamin and get it over you don't need gummies. There's not it. There's a choking good. Good. Everybody, if you can't handle swallowing a vitamin, then choke on it. You can't have that. Then choke on it.

I do, I do take the, the handful of supplements and I will take bottle water and and then choke on it. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life.

You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life.

You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. You can't have that life. I hate them now, because now I'm down to no vitamins, because I don't wanna chew up a bunch of gummy bears, and the first thing I had a bed, and I'm eating candy, what kind of lifestyle is this?

I gotta load up on some fucking vitamin C, and I'm eating a handful of Mars bars in the morning. Are you telling me you've never rolled out a bed and had a beer or had a shot or anything like that? Put vitamins in the beer then. Put it in the, put it in a Guinness. I'll drink a Guinness to get some iron and a lot of B vitamins in a Guinness.

Well, whatever healthy bullshit I can tell myself is your beer, I'll do it. But I don't want to roll out of bed and eat a handful of candy. That's all I'm saying. I'll tell you what else makes me a rage. I thought I was gonna get to it on the Dick Riden extra bonus episode podcast that I do on the Patreon, Patreon.com slash the Dick Show. I do a bonus episode

where I ride around in my car, screaming at things that I didn't get to during the week on the normal show. But I thought I was going to talk about the DNC this week. I didn't get to it. So I'm going to bring it in today. The DNC, man, listening to Tim Cain speak six words of Spanish as he's describing how Hillary Clinton is list though to be our White House Amiga list all of them. It's fucking. I hear black man. So you probably don't understand what I'm talking about when people speaking down into Mexican Americans like me have like no one has ever probably pandered to you in this way. But hearing this mother fucker, Tim Tain, say that Hillary Clinton, my, me, abuela is list, is list out of be president, made me fucking insane.

Like it gave me this feeling in my stomach. Like I wanted an a monster like from alien to burst out of my stomach, made of an incarnation of my rage, go through the television and smash through the back of his head like an alien. He didn't say a boiler. He said he didn't say a boiler, but she did. It's all of it.

She's had the meat like me a boiler. She has a whole thing on her website about how she's just like your a boiler. And I'm like, how fucking retarded do you think people that speak Spanish are? Pandering, I, it's disgusting. You know the Black Radio show and they asked her, what's an item of food or a condiment you always carry?

And she said hot sauce. And the DJs response to that was, we see your pandering and she says, is it working? Shameless. What the shit that pisses me off about politics is they're playing for the lowest common denominator. For the people, for the low, is this denominator, is this individual subterranean?

It's the dumbest person that you've ever met. Just think about it. Who is the dumbest person that you've ever come into contact with? And that's who they're talking to. Yeah. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr now, right? And I am sickened because, look, check this out. So in San Diego, where I'm from, there were two politicians, I think Jerry Brown and one candidate that went against him for mayor in 2012. So whatever, they're doing their thing, they're talking to the people. But both of them solicit money from a Mexican

tycoon. He does like cable television in Mexico to pay for their became paying. Oh, yeah. And that is fucking illegal. It's illegal. You're not allowed to solicit funds from non-US citizens. And they he he followed it through. He gave the money to somebody and somebody basically paid them.

And one of them is in court right now. I can't remember the lady's name, but you had, like, she, she left San Diego and went down to his fucking house to talk to him about donating to her campaign. Yeah. And I say all that to say that it encapsulates my problem with politics. They're doing everything that they can to skirt the law as much as possible. Even decency. You wouldn't be, no one would walk into a group of mixed company and say, hey, hey guys,

I'm ready. Are you guys list out and point over to the Mexicans and the group? Is that like everyone list out? It's shameless and disgusting. It's like a guy, it's like the shittiest, most uncomfortable dad going to a Mexican restaurant and ordering a survey. Like, tagging grassiest, but it's more disgusting with that because he's making me a part of it. It gave me the same feeling of when I was hanging out with my man, Steven. And when Steven was living my man from Burning Man, I brought back from Burning Man. He was hanging out with me for a month.

We would do everything together. You know, we'd go to lunch, he was my man. So we're at eight Mars bars in the morning. Yeah, we roll out of bed and feed each other a bunch of candy and say, we're getting healthy, right? Give me some more sour patch kids. I feel like I'm getting sick. Give me some fucking, give me some fucking jujubees.

You got any more, these snickers bars are really making me feel not like Popeye. I'm like Popeye popping open a can of junior men, some box of junior men's, and slugging them down until I, anyway, we're at this cafe and some guy was there and I don't think it was a date. You run into this a lot of in Hollywood where some, some sleaze ball is out to lunch or dinner with some chick who's way hotter than him.

And that was me. That's Hollywood. I look at some of these guys walking down the street. They almost look like homeless people. Yeah, with some incredible looking chick on the floor. How do I get that? That sounds that sounds like a great deal to me. You have to move. You have to have the most douchebag city in America. Uh-huh. Hollywood. And you have to tell them that you're an important person. Okay. I'm on a podcast. I'm on a totally shameless about the lies you're willing to tell. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. They've got a worse receding hairlines than me, these guys that are walking around. So and the girls always have the same look on their face because they're never into it. Like, you can tell when a girl is on a date versus when she's on a business lunch, and they're all in a business lunch mode. So this homeless looking guy with a six head, with a five head is talking to this girl, she gets up and goes to order more coffee or more food or something to feed the machine because it's a free lunch for her, right?

He turns to me and my man and goes, that's a fat ass, right? Like grinning and nodding and we're like, okay, come down, dude. Don't involve me in your depravity over there. We got our own shit going on over here. Don't pull us in to whatever you're doing. And that's the same feeling I had when Tim Cain gets up

and tells me that Hillary Clinton is Listo. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? What do I, what do you mean, list though? What are you co-opting here that you want me to sign on the line up? It's funny that he couldn't be bothered to say an entire two or three sentences in Spanish. Oh yeah, that's weird.

Why? He geared it up, but he greased it up with a lot of the espaniol before that. Oh, did he? Oh yeah, he threw out a bunch, he threw out a bunch of words that would be obvious in context. Like, he didn't want to deviate away from actually telling people what he's trying to say. He just wanted to throw in the Spanish words to show off.

That's stupid. It was fucking disgusting. It's the same thing that bothers me about when people like pull the whole diversity shit for TV and film. It's like you're just trying to sell this to me. I want nothing to do with you after this. This is fucking disgusting. It's embarrassing. You carry hot sauce in your bag, huh?

Oh, congratulations. Well, fuck you. What are your policies like? Why aren't you in prison? How about you answer those questions? I don't give a fuck what's in your bag. I don't give a fuck that she's leased all. That's fucking stew. That doesn't I hate it. Sometimes this is dangerous. And this involves the Clintons too. When Bill left off as he part in something like 17 members of a Puerto Rican terrorist group effectively, do you know why? No, why? Obviously a political code to get out because Hillary

was going to run for Senate in the state of New York. Tons of Puerto Ricans in New York. No shit. Oh, yeah. Really? Yes. That was one of those, you know, how they always pardon some people going to office. Well, that's who he pardoned. Among others. Good for him. Good for him. First woman, first woman running for president. 10,000 messages on Facebook saying how proud women are to be represented at the highest level. By somebody who don't like her, though, good. Investigated by the FBI.

Yeah. Oh, fuck the justice system. The head of that investigation said something to the effect of everybody's been punished, who has ever committed anything like this. Basically, she got off with a slap on the wrist. Comies. You're talking about the FBI director? I think so.

I woke up. I said an alarm to wake up and drink to watch that hearing. Yeah. After, Comies said that she wasn't getting punished, it started like seven in the morning. It was amazing. Because it's like the machine got to her where it's like, no, she's Obama had endorsed her earlier in the week. Yeah.

So what are they going to do? All of a sudden, they're going to pull the rug out and upset the entire party. It was like, no, no, no, she was the nominee. That's not going to change. His reasons for not recommending prosecution on her were insane too, because he went through and said, it wasn't him that interviewed her. It was a couple FBI guys. How convenient. Yeah. And whenever they say that, I think like the guy from Die Hard, like the It wasn't him that interviewed her. It was a couple FBI guys.

How convenient. Yeah, and whenever they say that, I think like, I'll hold the night from Die Hard, like the total assholes. Great, okay, thanks. Johnson and Johnson. Johnson and Johnson, no relation. That, and also what they did find was that she was not sophisticated enough to understand what she was doing.

How hard is it to play dumb? How can you play the daughtering old lady card and then turn over, like, it's just never ending with the way it's more misogynist than anything I've ever said to keep hammering that you're this stupid old woman. Like, what server, what, like, with a cloth? My server's got hacked, like, what, with a hatchet?

Like, what, like, you, just, it's constant, constant playing this card of not being a woman, but a fucking idiot, to the same people who ripped, paling to shreds for the same thing. Like, okay, she's an idiot, but like, but at least she's running for the second highest office in the land. You got anything to say on that on Facebook?

No. The pandering made me sick. Anyway, okay. If you're shameless enough, you can get away with anything in American politics. I just wanna know what the future is. Like, are they gonna walk out with like a, with a Dishiki or a sombrero?

I swear to God, if they come out in a Dishiki, it's gonna be over for them. Why? Because Twitter would tear them apart. Just like that section of black Twitter, if Hillary Clinton walks out into Tishiki, watch everybody just go nuts on Twitter. And then the next week, everyone will forget.

All the think pieces that come out like, oh, this cultural appropriation is not going to stand. Blah, blah, blah, don't vote for Hill. Blah, blah, blah, everything sucks. for him, blah, blah, blah, everything, everything sucks. Everything sucks. Like Tyson's voting for Trump. Is he, yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so I need you to explain that to me. I don't understand the appeal of Trump. You don't understand the appeal of Trump at all? No. Where do you fall in the political grid? I would say. Thoritarian, libertarian left, right? I would say like a leftish libertarian.

A leftish libertarian. What's your biggest priority in life? We'll start there. To be left alone. To be left alone. Very libertarian. Okay. Do what I want and be left alone.

So you're very libertarian. Okay, let me tell you my fantasy then. As a libertarian, this is why you should support Trump. Let me see if this sinks in. You Gary Johnson fan. I haven't looked to them. Haven't looked to them. New Mexico.

Don't bother. All right. At one point in my life, I had the fantasy. This was eight years ago or something like that. I had the fantasy that all of the religious shit, all of the authoritarian morality, all of the enforced morality of the Republican party would go away. That all of the god shit would get sucked out of the Republican party. And they would go back to just focusing on conservative issues, right?

This is at a time when I would say vote Johnson, vote libertarian because they're actually concerned about the economy, right? They don't want everybody to be left alone and they want everyone to be able to make decisions for themselves. You know, you know the libertarian body. So yeah, I don't need to explain to you what is libertarian. So the only way to get to that is to get the third party going, right?

Like one way to get to that utopia where we actually have a chance at getting Libertarian values in a position of power is for the Libertarian party to grow. That's one way to do it. The other way to do it is for the GOP to be completely stripped of all their affiliation with God shit. Like imagine a world where that Ted Cruz Bible thumping gay people should be killed

sermons where like he was at it. I don't know if he was he was endorsed by the guy he spoke it the thing. That's bad enough where all that shit is is removed from the GOP as all the rest of the crazy stuff, right? That party, that right-wing party, that GOP, with all the moralizing removed, is Trump. If Trump gets elected, he will have single-handedly turned the Republican party from a party of God into a party of money because every single one of his policies is based on money. He never says shit about abortion, gay rights, gay marriage. He always just says, that's law of the land. That's law of the land.

He doesn't come out like an idiot and say, oh yeah, that's what we want. We want to overturn abortion. We want to, we want to make abortion illegal. He doesn't say, oh, we want to overturn gay marriage. He just says, that's the law of the land. Deal with it. He doesn't say he supports it. He says, that's the law of the land. I'm focused on ISIS. I'm focused on keeping one of the most barbaric and insanely aggressive cultures out of the United States, which will infect it like a virus if they get in. Like you look at England, there's the number of young Muslims in England who support ISIS

vastly outgrow the older Muslims in England who support ISIS, because young people are twisted by this like, like he knows that it's a virus that these imams and power seekers can use to radicalize young people. That's what he wants to keep out. He wants to keep China from fucking us. He wants to rebuild the entire middle class, like the idea that everything we build

can't be built in America is retarded. It's taken 20, 30 years for America to swallow this pill that our iPhones just shouldn't, that, that, that, this innately, this innately racist idea or, or, or, you know, centric idea that Chinese people are the ones who build and Americans are above it. That's taken 20, 30 years to drill into our heads, and it's totally fucking false. And that, that kind of conservatism is what he's bringing back to the Republican Party. That's my opinion though. So what about some of the more outlandish shit that he says? Like one name one. What do you mean?

So I believe he's never seen a skinny person drinking diet Coke. Oh, like I can understand my jokes here and there, right? Like, poke and fun. But during a press conference, he had said some wild shit about how, you know what? Maybe there's something to him being outlandish that I understand, but the issue for me is, I can't tell if he's serious, right? Like, you know how you have those friends that joke around about killing themselves or whatever.

Wait, wait. You know, it's like, oh, if I don't get an A on this exam, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Oh, yeah. That's what I think. Like, if you hear that from a stranger, like my jokes about liquor, like it's the first thing I think of when I wake up is the last thing I think of. That's hilarious. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like I play a drinking game where I try to get to a clock without thinking they should face. That's hilarious. I get what you say. Yeah. Yeah. So if you hear that from a stranger, it's like, like I can see the humor in it,

but is it a joke? Yeah. Are you kidding? So you make you nervous? Yeah, it makes you nervous. It's a concern for me because I don't, yeah, okay, so I get that. It's fun to like, he's funny, he's fun guy or whatever.

But if he's serious about any of the shit that he's saying, like what, like what, like what, give me some specific. I hope that Russia gets a hold of the top secret files or something like that. Clinton. Yeah, of course. So I watched, this was big over the news all week where Trump's, he's calling for Russia to hack the arts government files, right? Uh, I watched the press conference where he said that number one, it was obvious

that he was joking, but in context, he was saying, look, if they have them, yeah. So meaning that he knows they have them. We all know like, like, he's like saying this as a guy who assumes they have them. We all know that Russia has all of Clinton's emails, right? Like, we're not, we're you're an engineer. You know, as soon as that box went up, Goosefer or some motherfucker had a listening device on, he knows that Russia has all of her emails. And what he, when he says that it's like a guy sitting at a bar with you who goes, yeah, if Russia has him, they should just release him. I mean, that's, it's like a guy who's just telling you what he'd say regularly, except he

happens to be in a press conference. It happens to be broadcast to 300 million people. And I like that personally. Like I don't want everything someone says to run through a PR machine. Yeah. Cause you lose, you lose it anyway. The authenticity, authenticity, that's, that's what Hillary does anyway. Run everything through a PR machine.

Yeah. And it just, everything that she says sounds inauthentic and it's hard to tell if she's a person or a robot. Yeah. I don't want to give, she's a machine. Yeah. The, the Clintons are, if you count politics, by the way, things currently are, they're the best politicians there are, I think. They're unbelievable. They're shameless. They pander. They are criminals. And it works perfectly.

And they'll probably both be president of the United States. No, get the hell out of here. Do you, do you think so? I think it's gonna be closer than people thought, but I think Hillary's gonna win. Dude, I think she's gonna have a stroke and shit in her pants during a debate. I think she's one of the most unhealthy people on television right now.

She hasn't given a press conference in 300 days. I know. I know. She can. I want that to be the biggest pay-per-view event in the world. Yeah, are you kidding? I don't, I she can. I want that to be, that could be the biggest pay-per-view event in the world. Yeah, are you kidding? I don't, I do not think she can,

I don't think she can talk. I don't think she has the stamina to get on stage with the guy and debate a wedding list and let alone national policy. I'm just waiting for what Trump will say. During a billar. Okay, I don't want to be spectacular. I don't want to get sucked down at Trump, Paul.

Denzel, last time you came in, well, first of all, Denzel, what makes you a rage? So this time, what makes me a rage is in California, at 2am is it's the absolute latest you can serve alcohol. And at a lot of bars, they will stop selling to you at about like 1.2, 1.30. And then shove everybody out of the door. And the time that you can begin purchasing alcohol again is 6am, which is enane to me. It doesn't make any sense. So why, what's the deal with the four hour break?

So you go home. So you go home. So I mean, this is a theory, drunk driving goes down, violin assaults go down. All of us men who can't control our rage because we're so boozed up and insane. Stop turning society into a savage wasteland fueled by booze and anger. That's why. That's bullshit. Yeah. Was it funded by Mad? Was that study funded by Mad?

No, I'm sure there are studies funded by Mad, but it was originally set up in England, I think, during World War II to get people back to the factory working earlier. That's why they originally cut off, that's why there's last call. Makes sense. My preference is wholly to leave whatever bar I'm in,

and then go to a nearby gas station, pick up a tall boy and go drink at home. Yeah. It's totally, but you're not gonna put your gun on liquor at home earlier. No, no, I don't, I don't hold liquor in your house. I know, I put your go liquor at home earlier. No, no, I don't. I don't hold liquor in your house. I have, I have a few things at home, but I prefer,

I prefer not to have it there. Otherwise, I feel like it would, it would tempt me to drink at times that are inappropriate. Oh, really? Such as when I wake up in the morning. Yeah. Oh, so you've got a bit of a drinking opportunity as well. Yes. Oh, okay. And it's not like when I have to, like I won't drink on work nights typically. Yeah. But I prefer just to not have it in the house.

So because look, for those of you not watching the livestream, I'm a heavy set dude. I'm six, four, three, seven, five, and it's mainly due to drinking, right? And I don't drink soda anymore, I just drink beer. And that's what the problem is. I'm gaining all this weight from fucking drinking so much. Yeah.

It's all carbs. It's all carbs. And it's all great. Yeah. I love beer. Beer is amazing. And it doesn't help when I have liquor at home or beer at home, because that's all just carbs,

and I will drink the shit out of it. Well, and drinking the liquor makes you think that drinking a lot more beer is a good idea. Yes, right? Yes. Yes. Yeah, I've got to go on a beer bender. I've been on wine for like two weeks. Yeah. It sucks.

Those are not my vacations. It sucks being the fattest male in my age group in the entire family now. Like it used to be like sister's husband was weighed more than me and his brother always weighed more than me and his brother always weighed more than me. But now they are on, they are on lockdown with the heating and the exercise. And I said, they're shorter than me. Like I, I was going to say, I'm very fit, but you combine being very fit with going through a 12 pack of IPA every other day or every three days. And you start looking like Ben Affleck in Batman versus Superman,

like a great big fatso with CG muscles all over you that don't quite look right. You're walking around like a Lego figure, you know, stom, stom, stom, stom. I know exactly what you're talking about, but shutting it down at two is so if I ran for, if I ever entered politics, I would have one goal. It would be the alcohol party. And all I would do 24, seven, just like that, you can drink outside, you can serve liquor whenever you want, just make, just get the carting down. And I think that that would get serious traction, especially in a city like L.A.

Because what's there left to solve? Like what's their left to solve at that point? There's nobody's making decisions about ISIS in L.A. They're just doing bullshit. Like they're just spending all of their time trying to pander to whoever is in power. Like I've never heard one decision come out of the people running L.A. That made any difference. Like, I can't tell if that's Republican, I can't tell how this fucks me.

I know it would. Nothing about it excites me. But if somebody came on the scene and they were like, we're going to make drinking an all day 24 hour event in LA, you can carry a tall boy down the street. You can drink to your heart's content. You know how you drink at the O.C. County Fair, where you can just walk around slamming down. You know how you drink at the OC County Fair, where you can just walk around, slam and down, you know how you drink a Dodger Stadium all over.

That's gonna be all over the town. It works there, it works here, vote for Dick. That's gonna be my platform. That would be beautiful. I would vote for that. Okay, so look, 24 hours, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, Las Vegas. You can drink, walk outside. I believe you can have an open container

with a certain stretch on the strip. You can't do it on the peripheries, but towards the center, you can. Do they care if it's a glass or like an aluminum can? I've drank bottles in the street in Vegas. Well, I'm sure there's so many people doing it. What are they gonna do? But just how violent do people get out there?

It's just drunk people wandering around early in the morning with nothing to do, except gamble and drink more, right? So what's the problem with making it 24 hours everywhere else? Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me. And the four-hour break is so much more insulting too. You're gonna stop me from drinking for four hours? You're really, I just wanna go purchase this thing. I just, I wanna make a transaction.

You can make money off of me in this four hour period, just allow me to buy this six pack. Well, who was the guy who's going in at 3.30? Me! And stocking up like who's causing harm to anybody like no we just as a man Every man needs one more beer. That's it. We need a beer at 2 30 Scientifically speaking. I don't know if this is true, but we all we need of those Beer we need a beer at 2 30 to take the off. Like I need a good night beer to a,

nobody's going to bed at 2 o'clock. That's not the way, that's not, there's no circadian rhythm that shuts down at 2 o'clock. I need one, I need to order one more beer from a bar that will take me from two to like 3.15 and then I'm out. I don't even wanna drink it. I don't even have to drink the whole thing. I just need to order it and look at it.

Like 130 is a ridiculous amount, as a ridiculous time to get your last beer. It might as well be 4.30. Do you know what I mean? You ever work in all nighter or not in all nighter, but most of the night, I used to work at a studio up in Burbank, California. Yeah.

And oftentimes I would get out of work at around 145 to AM. And the first thing that I want before I go to bed after working 16 hours in the day is a beer and granted yes, I could stock up, I could just put stuff in the fridge. I lived with four other people. I can't do that. No, no.. I could just put stuff in the fridge. I lived with four other people. God, I can't do that. No, no. So there's a liquor store down the street, and if I was lucky, I would make it just before too.

Yeah. This is America. I should be able to buy beer whenever I want. A regular man working a regular job. So what, that you have a different time, that you have a different time card than everyone else. You got a different schedule. No big deal. The entire city fucks you for it. Yes. The entire country fucks you for working. I am a mayor.

You can go on unemployment. I could go on unemployment, drink all day. But what do you do? You work, you get off work at one 30 or two or whatever, and they fuck you for it. Yes. I just want to drink when I want to drink. Vote Dick Denzel for the alcohol party. All right. You got something else? I want to get to your movie. You said you were going to bring in a movie. Yeah, yeah. This month, last month, you predicted that you could write a better movie than the hangover, too. And I don't think you can.

That's, hey, that's fair. But you said you were going to bring it in. Do you presumably have something? Yes. Do you have a title? So it is called The Long Con. The Long Con. All right, so full disclosure, I wrote two things. I'll pick the best one.

You can't go into a pitch with two good things. Really? Is that not what I'm saying? I got this. It's a approaching a woman. You can't say like, hey, do you want someone who's super sensitive or do you want someone who's a total a-hole?

You got to pick. You can't do both. She'll think you're a lunatic. You can't say like, oh, your dress looks like shit and I totally understand that that would make you feel bad and I'm really sorry for saying that. You can't say, get the hell your dress looks like shit, and I totally understand that that would make you feel bad. And I'm really sorry for saying that. You can't say, get the hell out of here. Oh, man, always lines on the other.

I'm trying to do one of the other. Oh, man, always lines on the other. So, all right, yeah, let's go with the long con. Okay, what's it about? It is about, so recently, Comic Con happened. So I was thinking, it would be a good setting for a hangover type ish movie. Comic Con.

Yeah. Like nerds getting hungover for the first time. No, no. I mean, so clearly, clearly, clearly, you have never attended a convention. I've attended Comic Con. Have you? Yeah. I thought it was a huge festival of selling me bullshit.

Yeah. I thought it was people paying to go watch advertisements. Yeah. And then go shopping for like little knick knacks and shit. That's exactly what it is. But at night, you can attend advertisement-based parties with open bars and free food. And you can also go back to your hotel room or the hotel room with your friends and just get plastered. Okay, and just wake up in the hallway of a hotel.

You ever done that? I've woken up in an hallway hotel, yeah. It was shit. I got. Two hasn't. I got escorted to my room in Vegas. I woke up in ballies. I think it was.

I woke up in ballies in the elevator vestibule, whatever it's called. That happened to me too. Yeah, where? Seasers. Seaseries. So I got, I got, I got, woke up, I like the, you know, the, the comforting sound of a dozen boot steps clomping up to me, and I aroused myself from my slumber and noticed immediately that I was covered in vomit going down my shirt and my jacket and I thought oh shit, I wish I had just stayed asleep and these assholes could just figure it out for themselves and find out who threw up on you. Too little detective work boys. I don't want to help. I don't want to be involved in the process of finding me back to my room at this point

because I have no faculties remaining. So they stand me up and they're like, well, you're not a guest here. We got to throw you out. I start panicking. I'm like, well, I am a guest. I just don't know. I don't know what room I'm in.

Like, I'm trying to explain, but I can't speak at all. So everything is coming out like I just came back from the dentist and got kicked in the face. I'm stammering my way through. I have no idea what room I'm in. The last thing I remember is grabbing a guy's rascal scooter at a blackjack table and crashing it into a slot machine.

That was the last thing I remember. And I wake up through a covered in vomit, covered in my own vomit. I had to spell. I was staying, I was staying with this dudes whose last name, because they couldn't find me. They went through my wallet and went through all my IDs. They couldn't find me in the database role. It's like they're searching a body. Yeah. I love it. I wasn't in this. Because you're just as good as dead at that point to them. Right.

And they just want to, like, they're, they're amped up to chuck somebody out of the hotel. They're like, oh, baby, we're going to take all the aggression that we've had to suffer from drunk idiots out on this drunk idiot. Because we have no idea where he's from and he can't prove that he's staying here. So I go into like lawyer mode, I'm like, oh, no, no, no, you got to prove the early, I give him my friend's name who I was staying with to prove that I belonged there. And they look it up like, no, not in there. Nope, you're going, you're going to drag me out like, it was something like, it was, it had some

weird last name, like whole men's, but it was Dutch. So I weird last name, like, whole mints, but it was dutch. So I spelled it out, like it was the hardest spelling bee of my life. Spelling this guy's fucked last name. And I was like, really, it took me like a minute and a half because it was really concentrating. It's like, age, the, oh, with the weird things on it. E L, the guy, I remember the guy punching it in, and his little subordinate going, oh shit, he is a guest here. And that was, I blacked out and get all the, yes, that's it,

I'm out, I retire. I fell out, I don't remember anything else, I remember waking up in bed in that room with the guy, with that guy coming in, I said, oh, I'm glad you made it back. You got a little problem on your shirt, but I'm glad you made it back. Anyway, in Comic Con, you can do that. You can pass out in the hall. Okay.

There are a lot of opportunities to drink and lose people. And there's also no good cell phone reception. So you can't, it's not easy to call people at all. You can't get in contact with anyone. So you have to set up designated meeting times for this, that and the other. And also, I was thinking it would be a great place to do a drug transaction.

Why? Because there's so many people, it would be impossible to spot something. And it's San Diego. Yeah. So you got the Mexican cartel influence that's right across the border. Yeah.

You can have shady shit going on there. Exactly. Like a cosplay drug deal going on right under everybody's nose. Everybody's wearing disguises and you can just swap bags. Yeah, you can just go up to somebody and go, I'm listo. Yeah. Ha, ha swap bags. Yeah, you can just go up to somebody and go, I'm Listo. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Have you got anything else on it? Are you moving the long con? Oh, I get it like Comic Con. Yeah. I think you're gonna have to be a little more obvious than that. That's gonna go over my head. Okay, okay.

How about unconventional? Brrrrr. So, I mean, I've written out the basically a short form of the story front to back. Do you want to read it? Or do you want to bring it back next month when you punch it up? Let's bring it back next month. I've got my own movie. Because I knew, I knew you weren't going to pick up on this title.

So I brought in a movie too. It's called Tyler Perry's Blackout. Oh, I know. Well, you know it'll come in under budget. Wait, why? Because that's what he just churns them out. He makes, he makes a bunch of money on every movie. Well, because anything to shoot.

Because I want, yeah, I want people to know that it's the black version of hangover, right? So Tyler Perry's blackout, right? There's no confusing that, right? Not at all. But I spelled it differently than Tyler Perry. I spelled it T. No, no, no, no, I spelled it Tyler Perry, right?

Because this is just a name. I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to associate with Tyler Perry. I don't want to get sued for this. Oh, Tyler T. Y L R E P E R I. That's Tyler Perry's blackout. It's a hard R, romantic comedy where the ultimate bachelor party leads to the ultimate adventure. Tyler Perry, this is another guy, stars his Greg, a nice guy about to marry the love of his life. He's just got one problem. Make that three problems. His crazy friends, played by Donald Fazon, Wayne Brady, and the black guy from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Sounds like a pretty good setup, right? Anywho, this funny for some dubbed themselves the black pack and head to New Orleans looking

for trouble, but trouble quickly finds them as they wake up the next morning with no memory of what happened and one less mother of the bride. I think grandmother of the bride would be funnier. Losing the grandmother of the bride. That's right. They get so blacked out that they lose an old woman. And oh, did we mention the mother of the bride is Medea crossover? That's right.

Also spelled differently though. That's right. America's favorite. It would be offensive if a white guy did it, but I guess outrage has higher standards when it comes to cross-dressing and black movies is back, but she's lost in the swamps of New Orleans. Can this foolish for some find her? Probably not, especially not because Greg's brother Wayne Brady is full blown retarded. Yeah, remember how Zach Gallifinac is played an autistic guy? We don't have time for subtlety in this movie.

So he just grabs women's tits and they just kind of have to roll it. Does Wayne Brady's real life mental condition inform the character you bet? It's a real life mental condition. Okay. It's a real life mental condition. Okay, so obviously I had a stereos write this and it was due today because I was like a stereos, right? Let's do let's team up on this and send this in. He hits me. I message him today before the show saying, hey, what's going on?

And he says, well, I didn't finish it because I've been spending the last couple hours arguing with Maddox. Thank you all, buddy. Well, come on. Come on, man. This is a, so I've just got notes for the rest of it. Instead of a police car, right, from hangover, they wake up with the general Lee.

Oh, geez. Oh, right. And- Does it, And did Duke's a hazard even take place in New Orleans? Who cares? That's what you find out in Tyler Perry's blackout instead of instead of instead of that Chinese guy in the trunk, they've got they've got a tied up George Zimmerman.

Right. That's it in there. Yeah. That's what I'm saying is the movie and how they get they wake up to discover how they got so blacked out they pull out tickets to a Bill Cosby show. How did they get so blacked out? I guess they'll have to he's like the Mike Tyson of this movie, Bill Cosby, right? This is his redemption movie. He comes out to be redeemed by this movie. Did he have anything to do with the grandmother's disappearance?

Yep. Yeah, he tried on her, but she was resistant. She resisted it. So she escaped. That's so they're still trying to find, so Ben Bill Cosby helps them try to find her for his own nefarious purposes. For his own nefarious purposes, yes. That's all I've got so far.

Starring Wayne Brady, JB Smoove, John Witherspoon. Oh, you gotta have him. Terry Cruz. Okay. Arty Lang as George Zimmerman, Snoop Dogg and Melissa McCarthy as Palladine. I think that would be a pretty funny movie. Tyler Perry's blackout. All right, anyway. Hey, Dustin, are you on the line? Yes, I am here. Hey, what's up, my man? What's going on, Dick? How are you? Not too much.

I'm pretty good. How are you? Good, good, good. How about yourself, Denzel? You doing good? Yeah, I'm doing pretty well, thanks. All right, we're all doing great. So Dustin, I'm good too. There is a shit storm on the internet surrounding you of drama. There has been, yes, yes, for the past few weeks actually. People have been brutal to you. Uh, yeah, yeah.

Some people, some people. Certain people, it surprised me because Dustin is Johnny on the spot with bringing in questions from fans. Like I can barely get the equipment working every week as we've seen time and time again. But Dustin is every show, Dustin is there with a handful, half dozen questions that people, like people in Facebook, Dickheads on Facebook want to know, Dickheads on Reddit, but man, you are getting,

you got really, really hammered on Reddit this week. And for a lot of people, they're not used to that. Like I am used to getting hammered from people I don't know. I get it. I get it. It's fun to hammer people. Like it's fun to hear somebody in our culture today. It's fun to hear someone doing something.

It's this, people wanna, they see somebody trying to do something and something in them wants to hammer them. Oh, yeah, you know, and I get that. I get that. And I'm guilty of it too. Well, it's probably because the person who hammers is not fucking doing anything. You know, I don't know. Maybe that has something Dustin, what do you, what has been your take on it so far? Well, here's my take on it. I, you know, I started the the Facebook group for the Dixiel, just out of pure passion for Dick Masterson, the, the, the, the, the, the, your hilarious. We love it. And then I thought, I got the idea that maybe we could somehow merge the communities and create some sort of continuity.

Oh, right. With merge the communities of Facebook and Reddit. Right, right. Okay. That's right. Yeah. It's not anything of Facebook and Reddit. Right, right. Okay, so that's Reddit. Yeah, it's not anything else that came up. But you know, it's like everybody kind of has their own rules that they follow in there and they have their own, you know, codes that they go by. Well, Denzel is smiling about the idea of merging Facebook and Reddit. Why are you smiling like that?

Why are you smiling like a smug asshole over there? Because they can't coexist. It'll never happen. No. I remember the previous shows subreddit. Those people wouldn't be able to live by the rules that are set up on Facebook. If it gets you kicked out of a bar,

it'll get you kicked out of the group. And granted, I shouldn't say those people as in everybody is. Yeah, what do you mean those people? Those people. There are like five or six people in that subreddit that just starts shit, that just start trouble. And they have scorching hot takes about everything. And wow, people, at least some of them are more used to speaking more loosely.

Yeah. And I did notice that the conversations that take place on Reddit definitely get a lot more in depth. I mean, there's a lot more, you know, information to be found on Reddit, whether it's factual or not, you know, it depends on the poster. And it has this great ability to find, they're always right. Like they're like the hive mind that I was talking about. They're like the mob, the mob mentality that I was referencing earlier, as long as they have, they're able to find something about everyone that you could never find on your own as vicious as

they are. At times, like they, if, and you have to get through some wild shit before people start getting close, what do you mean? Like on that, remember when the last show ended? Yeah. I actually, because I never go on those things, But people were telling me it's like, man, people are saying all kinds of shit. So I checked and some of the theories were fucking outrageous. You know, they were outrageous,

but there's truth in everything they say. Like that's what, like every, like they may not, they may not be 100% right, but it's not 100% wrong. Like, so I mean, Dustin, like I've read some of their withering indictments of you. Yeah. Have you, you've done the same thing? Oh, absolutely.

And what's controversial about him? It's, I, here's, I think. Or do I have to go on these forums? No, I think I fucked it up, honestly, because I'm running, I'm running it like full speed all the time. And I see Dustin throwing in and trying to help. He hops over to the Reddit and he wants to help over there too.

And I think the more hands on deck, the merrier, right? So I make him a mod on Reddit. And I think that like undermined their, his credibility on Reddit and kind of undermined their community. You know what I'm saying? In what way? I mean, me, because the mod ship is something that's very precious because they have so much power over a community. And they can fuck up a community. So when I think when I gave Dustin mod powers, I think that was a signal to the community that

the same standards on Facebook would be applied to Reddit. And it just, it wasn't the case. Like I thought Dustin would just go in there and help with spam because to me from like a guy, a guy who was on the internet in like the early 2000s and late 90s, all I ever give a shit about is spam. People posting links to Viagra. Like that's what, in my mind, that's still the entire internet. So I thought I was like, hey, these guys are busting their ass on Reddit.

Why not have another guy in there to delete spam, essentially? And also another big part of it was the fact that, you know, I never dealt with any sort of criticism before. And I think I handled myself in a completely wrong manner. I mean, I understand everybody has their own opinions. You know, they like what they like, they don't like what they don't like, and that's fine. But for me, to go out and even try to defend myself is dumb. It's stupid. Because you have your own opinion, right? You like what you like. It is what it is. Yeah, you can't. It's hard to defend yourself

online against a thousand people because you're defending yourself against a spectrum. And it's all kind of right. Like everything that anybody has said about me, I can say, yeah, I see what you're saying. I don't agree with 100% of what you're saying, but it's kind of right. And the criticisms of like trying to unite the communities and being a more vocal moderator in the community, it's right. It's kind of right.

Like that's somebody said on the Reddit, you know, mods should be, they should be behind the scenes. They shouldn't be a vocal part of the community. And like, when I read that, I was like, oh man, that guy's got a good point. Yeah, I realize that. You don't even realize that. Don't me either. I mean, me either. That's why I say it's my, it's my fuck up for just saying a good point. Yeah, I realize that. You know what I say? I don't even realize that. Don't me either. Yeah.

I mean, me either. That's why I say it's my fuck up for just saying, because I'm running full speed. In my mind, if you're not maxed out every day, like if you don't hit that bed like a lawn dart and just go to sleep, you didn't do enough. Sure, that's my bottom. Anyway, maybe we'll talk about it next week,

but do you got some questions from Facebook? Yeah, we have, we have some great questions from Dickheads on Facebook. The first one comes from Mr. Mumkey Jones, and this question really, really fucking jumped out to me. Would you rather fight one Maddox-sized cat or 10 cat-sized Maddox sized cat or 10 cat sized Maddox's one Maddox sized cat.

So that'd be what about six something 200 pounds? That's like a mountain lion or a bunch of cat size. It would be, yeah, I guess it would be a literal like a house cat, but the size of an Armenian Maddox. Okay, or, and what's the other one? How many cat size Maddoxes? 10 cat sized Maddoxes. So, if I get to punch Maddox, 10 times,

I think it's like kind of zelts. You'll swipe the net, yeah. Yeah, I'll take the, so how many Maddoxes would it take to delete the site? That's all I want. How many do I have to subdue? Well, I want to say to the risk of 10, I want to hear what 10 minutes your Maddox is saying, I'm a writer over and over again, would sound like.

I don't hear that. I never do hear that again. So what would you rather? Oh, the second one, the second one. Okay, nice, nice. All right, so this question comes from Jack Hubbard. You're out on a date, the two of you are clearly into each other, and you know what's on when you leave the bar or wherever you're at.

Just as you're prepared to leave, you shittin' your pants. Your date hasn't noticed yet, but it's only a matter of time. You need to act quickly. Can you talk us through the steps that see the two of you still going to Pound Town before the night is out? Yeah, that's what underwear I've made for. You've got to get into the bathroom. You use the underwear like a trowel instead of scooping and like you're laying down some cement between bricks, you get a scoop and out of there. So start the bathroom. You shoot yourself. What's your next move?

You want some trowel, right? Yeah, you got to get to the bathroom and get rid of the get rid of the evidence. That's why you've got the that's why you wear underwear. I went through a phase where I didn't wear any underwear, but look, that's you're not so over now. Yeah, that's over now. They're there for a reason. And this is one of them. It's unique.

They're your plan A. So then do you just do you take your really through the hole of the underpants and leave your shit just just riding it? You throw them away. You use it, your underwear just turned into toilet paper. That's, there you're patty. It didn't happen. None of it happened.

Plan B is socks. Yeah, Plan B is socks, which I've also used. You just go through your, then you're good. Get rid of the evidence. And then, yeah, just, you know, don't keep everything above the waist, keep her above the waist, whatever you do.

Yeah. Okay, last question comes from Scott Fisher. Okay. Lose your cock, lose your sight, or lose your hearing. Pick one. You wake up and they're gone.

No pain involved. He knows his answer. Hearing. I'd like to lose my hearing anyway. What do I need to hear? What do I need to hear for? Hearing is most of the problem. I try to, I try not to read as well. I try to keep off of everyone so I don't have to see any. If I could take them both. Yeah, take them both. If I give up another sense, do I get another cock? Can I just have, can I give up sight and sound and just have two dicks?

I think you need to have two hands. I got two more sensitive. You'd have a more sensitive dick. No, I don't want that either. I think that's what would happen. As you lose those other sites, the sensitivity of the pecker becomes 10 fold. I just want it twice as big.

I'm terrible. Take my sight, take my sound, make my dick twice as long. That's what it, so women would be afraid of it. So they don't even want to have sex. They're like, oh my god, that's what you're packing? No way. Get the hell out of here. I was like, yes, mission accomplished. That's exactly what I want.

You couldn't hear him say that. Well, perfect. Good point to say. Perfect. Uh. Well, perfect. Good point to say. Perfect. Well, that's it on the questions from the Dickheads on Facebook this week. All right, thanks a lot, Dustin. Thank you.

I'll see you next week. Denzel, thank you for stopping by. Thank you for having me. I'll see you next week. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. I'll see you next week. Denzel, thank you for stopping by.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me on Twitter at that Denzel. All right, buddy. Thank the whole host with the most. Denzel first returning guests first returning guests and returning champ by the way, returning champion. See if you can keep that up. I got to bring. I talked to Joe. I'll get into this another episode. I talked to Joe star about coming back to he's your biggest competition on that list.

I found he works at screen junk. He's right. Yeah. A friend of mine that I went to high school works there. It's a crazy small world. Yeah. All right, everybody. The friend of mine that I went to high school works there. It's a crazy, small world. Yeah. All right, everybody, this has been the Dicks Show. Thanks for listening. Dicks. Dicks.

Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks.

Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Oh my god. Dicks. Jack, dick! Open-con!

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