The Dick Show - Episode 90 - Dick on The Dick Show Album

Episode Date: February 20, 2018

The Dick Show Album is released and hits #1 in ALL CATEGORIES, I have an altercation with someone else's neighbors, The Maddox IQ Test story, catching your pocket on door handles, a new working lolsuit theory, my life-threatening whale T-shirt, Peach tells us how to identify a lesbian, The Winter Cuck Olympics, Madcucks news, school shootings are not news, Sean and I get in several arguments, and Maxwell Kimball shows Maddox's breakup letter to 80s Girl to girls in high school who give their honest opinions; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Oh my God, I cannot put a... Fucking not together to save my life. Really? There's a lot of shit going on. Must've been quite an evening. Good point. There's a lot of stuff going on. Yeah.

Hmm. There's only one thing that matters to me though. What's that? I made the lawsuit. Finally. Oh. to me though. What's that? I made the lawsuit. Finally. Oh, yeah, very good. I'm starting Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! Take! You need dick, you love dick, you got it! It's a show! Where everything is a lawsuit coming to you live from a mountain bunker deep, deep, deep in the heart of the city of failure, I'm your host, Dick Masterson,

AKA the $20 million man. Joining me is always a shun. Hello, dick. What's up, buddy? Proud day for you, isn't it? Yeah. You're finally in the dumbest. Yeah. Lulled suits have ever been Yeah. You're finally in the dumbest, lol suits ever be made.

You finally made it. I did it the big time. Really incredible quote, that I don't even want to repeat. I like how, boy, they're really addicted to punctuation. And things too. Possible files, the bicycle. Well, yeah, because it's like, you know, like my name is Sean and I'm referred to in the lawsuit as Sean.

Bob was Sean, Sean going by his stage name, Sean. I like that. It's first thing I noticed. I mean, why would someone put that quote about them in a document that I don't, okay, I got bigger, more important announcements first. I don't want to talk about the lawsuit all that much. Um, uh, the Dixiel album is out. Yeah.

The Dixiel album is out. The guys, the camera, Sam Glaze, Todd Sidel, Waterboy, and, uh, ACO Vistas, they launched the Dixiel album on Friday and it is number seven in the world. It's number seven on band camp on band camp's front page is the Dixiel album. Awesome. It's incredible. Did you expect anything less?

You know, at this point, I don't know. It's so, I would have been disappointed if it didn't get on the front page for those guys because they put like a year's worth of work into it and the songs are incredible man. I'm listening to it today. You haven't listened to it yet? No. Okay, yesterday I spent, I hadn't, I was saving it too. Yeah.

Because I've never been excited for something like this and I'll quite a long time. Like, you don't get to have that much. I didn't want to, I didn't want to eat it piecemeal over the last year. I didn't want to have like a snippet of the album. That's smart to me. And because then the songs change and evolve and it's never, it's never like experiencing it

in its entirety, which is what I wanted. Sure, people can't wait for a record to come out. At least it used to be. It's like, you don't want to watch the food being made or like a lot of season this a little differently or whatever, and then it's old news by the time it's like, this, you know. So I saved it all up.

I really edged myself, you know. Edged myself for an entire year. They would send me these tracks. I'm like, look guys, I really want to listen to this because you guys are incredible musicians, but I want to save it up for one big, you know, get it all out. I listened to it live on a stream. I did a live stream. I listened to it live and just told stories and bullshitted bullshat as Jamie would say while I was listening. And it was

it's fucking incredible, man. It's structured like the show. So there's like an intro and then like, there's a WhatsApp buddy song. Oh, that's correct. There's, there is a, it's a concept album. It is, it is slightly a concept album. And at the very end, there's 40 minutes of voice mails, never that we talk about that from like,

guys like Ken M and Aiden Paladin and Larry and Denzel calls in talking about the Den Zone. That's his new thing is the Den Zone. Yeah, he's there. They're all at the end. There's liner. There's liner art that comes with it. If you get it, if you get it at the dickshow.bandcamp.com, you get like the liner. So that's where to get it. Yeah. It's not on iTunes yet. I maybe it is on iTunes yet. I don't know by the time this episode comes out.

It should fucking be. But I tuned as a joke. iTunes is old news. The new hotness is just Bancamp. Yep. That's what everyone goes by. There's maybe the most disgusting artwork I've ever seen in the liner notes. There's an absolutely terrible and vulgar

and crass representation of me as a woman, drawn as a woman with my, like that Apex twin cover, the inside that you've gotta buy it to see, it's atrocious, I'm ashamed to have my name put to it. But the songs, man, I'll play one or two of them on this episode. Do. LeCembras got a court, like a court song called Hashtag Dick Lies where Mad Cux is in there saying who's,

he comes in saying, well welcome, it's the biggest court case in the universe and we're gonna see who gets justice and who is just ass.. That's the only joke I'm gonna spoil and cool Sean. Cool Sean is the judge. Really? They found the actual cool Sean. They did? Yeah. Holy shit. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. If you watch the live stream where I listen to it, I was shocked. I was shocked. I was shocked. The amount of work that probably went into this, and that goes into most things on like a weekly basis

that listeners send in, let alone an album that has been going on for the last year, is more work than I've ever put into anything. I know. And I wanna kill myself. Ha ha ha ha. There's a secret track that I recorded. Really?

Yeah, the GoFuckYourself song at the end. So that was fun. That was fun to listen to. I think somebody got the best album in the universe.com too. Because it is the best album in the universe. You know, I love this. So you can go there if you can't remember the Dixho da Bann camp. Nice.

Number seven in the world. Just like that. Remarkable. Yeah. Absolutely remarkable. Not number one in comedy, of course. That's a guarantee. Yeah.

No problem. Yeah. Old news. Every single time. Number one. Comedy. Worldwide. Number seven.

That's it's standing on its own merits. You know what I'm saying? That's once you hit number one in comedy and you start pushing into the all time category. You're getting a lot more eyes that don't understand references and the God and whatever, whatever mythological lexicon you're pulling from to create this work of art. This is just, this is just raw musicianship and talent coming through at that point. You went from a propelling it to number of the numbers in that category.

You went from a pond to the Atlantic. I mean, it's such a, it's marvelous. Yes. Okay. So there's that Portland Friday. The venue's sold out, obviously. We're going to have a big party at Stormbreakers on Friday. Oh, is that the point? You didn't get in yet. Come have a big party at Stormbreakers on Friday. You didn't get in yet. Come hang out with us at Stormbreakers. Yeah, we're getting in pretty early that day, I think. I think so.

It's like an AM flight, I think so. Yeah, I think so. So that'll be great. Yeah. I really like that too, that it's become like a meetup the day before. Yeah. Like an official, unofficial official thing.

Yeah. Of course, we'll hang out for however long after the show too. So it's yeah, I don't know where that's going to be. We'll figure that out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's great. I like it's it's really become it's funny. It's you almost get in like a we've done what three.

Yeah. It's like you kind of it seems like we've done a lot more. But it's like it's become this this kind of a schedule thing, but it's all fun. And it's like a little week in vacation for me. Yeah Well, it's I really do. I didn't think that I would enjoy them as much as I do but but meeting the That's gonna be on your tombstone. I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I did Typicalized Sean. Yeah, rest at peace. Yeah, I didn't think I'd enjoy life as much as I did Hashtag better than I thought

I was going to lie as much as I did. Hashtag better than I thought. Yeah. No, but it's always cool to see the people come out and hang out and just shoot the shit. Yeah, come on out. Sorry. We'll get more fucking seats next time. Yeah. We'll do what we can.

We'll make do with this one. I don't want to have people sitting in each other's laps. You know, Diego, the money man, he's like, just, hey, he's like, hey, why don't want to have people sitting in each other's laps, you know? That's Diego, the money man. He's like, just, hey, he's like, hey, why don't we just sell at these count tickets and they can sit on each other's laps? Yes. You can volunteer to sit on a lap or two. All right.

Diego, I don't want to, I don't want the dick show. People sitting on hot men's laps. Diego blames Kion for for my toilet by the way. I talked to him. Yeah. He said, how the fucking Jamie tell Blaming it on him? He goes, you know what it was? He goes, first of all, it wasn't to me. It wasn't to me because I know that you have so much stuff that you are doing and working on.

I saw that he was broken and I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to tell you because you have so much stress in your, in your life. I didn't, he tell you. I didn't want to tell you because you had so much stress in your life. I didn't, it's actually like Antonio Banderas. Yeah. I heard Jamie on the show, blaming the toilet on me. I, I, I, payasol, no.

This is not true. No, it was, I know you have so many things going on. I did not want to spoil your, your amazing super bowl party. You're a good time. You have good times. You're having such a good times. I did not want to spoil your amazing super bowl party. You have good times. You have good times. You're having such a good times. I did not want to spoil it for you

with your broken toilet. It's just another thing that you've got to fix on your list, on your list of things to fix. My friend, amigo, my hermano. And I was like, all right, Diego, was it cordial? I know, it wasn't court dealing. That's okay. Well, your alibi is, that's a good reason that you've cooked up.

That's a believable reason. Everyone is still suspect, but that's a good alibi. That's a good alibi. Okay. And he said, you know, I think that he was Keon with his big, I forget his exact quote, with his bigger muscular hands, he'd probably ran in there and just they smashed it up, smashed your toilet and broke it.

That is what I think. He flushed out, we used to vigor, we used to vigor. So he's blaming on Keon. I guess I gotta get Keon's side of the story now. Yeah. Well, I'm being,on's side of the story now. Yeah. Well, I'm being, if you're up on the lawsuit stuff, I'm being hit with a temporary restraining order.

And I'm not just me, the entire internet is being hit with it. An emergency, an emergency, Sean, temporary restraining order. Temporary restraining order. Well, you know what the fuck I just picture him just cowering in his under his bed with the shades drawn. Yeah, because the blankets pulled down over the bed. What? That's a horde of soup under the bed

for Maddox to survive on. Yeah. In case it's not granted and I'm still at large talking into a microphone in my house. Everyone on the internet, every training order based on, yeah, based on things like me wearing a shirt that I'm wearing right now that has a whale on it, that I got in Hawaii on vacation because the boys liked it.

It's like a cartoon whale. Yeah. In the temporary jaywords, oh, his picture of Dick is clearly meant to reference faster scales. Right. And this is part of his diabolical scheme to intimidate like, I did just a fucking shirt. You more not on bicycle boys.

What fucked is that I know what is an emergency temporary restraining order because 80s girl had to get one and was granted one. It was like, here's this person who says exactly what they're going to do, call my work and get manly and make things up to get me fired. And then they immediately did it and then they said they would do more things or else. This is what you have to show.

This person said they would do this thing that's illegal, or I think it's illegal, I don't know. Then they did it, I'm talking about mental jazz, then they did it, and then they said they were gonna do it again. Can you please grant me this emergency restraining order? And they said, of course. They said, yes, yeah, we can do that. It's not, this guy's wearing a shirt with a whale on it

and everybody's writing parody songs about me. You gotta stop it. Stop these maniacs. It's fucking incredible that this is in court, Sean. Like, it's absolutely preposterous. So what happens? Somebody has to rule on that, right? So, Judge has to look at it, and I fucking,

I hope to fuck, says, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. What are you talking about? This isn't, this doesn't, this isn't even close to what this thing was invented for. Why are you, do you know what? It's still hard not to be shocked by it. It is.

It's still hard not to be shocked, even though it's completely par for the course and he's done the same stuff over and over again, where anybody with two brain cells that get within striking distance of one another to have a form of complete thought. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to tell you something. I have a new, I have a new working theory for all of this. I've changed this, the speed of the restraining order

has changed my thinking, because new shit has come to light. You know what I'm saying? It changed my thinking on it, because I used to just think when this all started, I thought, oh, Maddox has just asked Blaster that he can't get his way, and this is just like his version of the app, app yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, email that he's

fucking with, that he's just like this is the, the lawsuit was so stupid and preposterous to me and shot out of a fucking cannon. I'm like, clearly this is Maddox because Maddox is not a smart guy. Like, he's not, as it turns out, he's never been a smart guy. He just talks about how smart he is, but he is not smart. And I have a story to prove that that I will tell in a moment, the Maddox IQ test story. Well, I don't think I've told it before. No, but it's funny how many of the things like the taking things literally and just stuff that is really happens

on a much greater scale with him than what I had thought. Yeah. You know where it's like, oh, okay, miss that, you know, but it's like, no, no, no, that's the whole guy. And I used to think this was all him driving it, all Maddox driving it, but I have thought long and after this temporary restraining order where I'm thinking, what caused this?

What was the cause, what generated this? Because I've been consistently shitting on Maddox since he stole the fucking feed. It's the fact that Landau's being brought into this. Well, I don't wanna say what, I don't wanna, I don't wanna make any guesses, but I will say this. I'm speculating. Guys like Maddox, they sit in their houses and they bitch and complain and they sit in

coffee shops and bitch and complain. They make they make fucking YouTube videos about how someone is a rape apologist or whatever whatever the whatever the name Dejure is, right? Whatever the pariah, the pariah term, I don't know if that's a real phrase, but whatever will make you a pariah among a group, they will try to make everybody think like that. Like it's a manipulative tack. That's what I'm used to him doing. Yeah.

You know? And if you listen to the show, he, that's what he'm used to him doing yeah you know and if you listen to the show he that's what he says that he does he says many times and he knows who spreads the hakas and he'll give them faulty hot he'll give them fools gas gives them made up gosh yet that he just wants to get spread around he said it many times and he fucking according according to history he does do that and then I thought so I said, so that's kind of out of character. The lawsuit's kind of out of character for somebody who does that, right? It's different. It's different because it's very active. The lawsuit is, is what I'm saying. Yes. And Maddox does not have a history of that. No. He has a history of failure to execute, which I suddenly found interesting, right? Yeah. So I started thinking, another thing I know about Maddox,

he's very easily manipulated by attractive men. He's the Maddox is the guy who tried to fuck up people's prom nights. You remember or fuck up them hooking up by whatever he said he drove up to the make out point. It was wrong in his fucking horn. Cause he's like obsessed with getting, like he wants attractive guys.

He wants their love is what I'm saying. I have seen it. Obviously, I couldn't talk to guy into shit because I don't look like one of those guys. I don't talk like one of those guys. I don't act like a, I don't act like a fucking American psycho, right? But guys like Ryan Holiday, like do you remember when he was on the old show and Maddox like prepared snack bowls

and like a charcuterie plate and was like hanging out and goosing his at for like no fucking reason. Was he doing this stuff even at the time? I was like, why the fuck, why are you kissing this guys? Like are you in love with this guy? What the fuck is, what are you doing? Why, and I've seen it happen a couple of times where attractive men can talk him into shit.

Like, he just, anything they say, he goes goo-goo over. You know what I'm saying? So that, I thought this. How the fuck is this being funded? Well, that's how is such an insane lawsuit being fucking funded. No, sure, I've thought that from the beginning. Because these are 60 page documents being sent to me.

Yeah, and I heard that Maddox sold some kind of a script to like Amazon or something like that. Because you remember when he sent his dumb book newsletter out, it was, here I've been working on a bunch of scripts, there's nine scripts, check these out. And I've written scripts with that guy. He can't write for shit. His, I had, I have his, his drafts of his scripts

are fucking terrible. So I'm thinking if he actually got things done, he's gotta be working with somebody. Well, that's the thing, like you said, failure to execute is, I mean, it takes him, I know how he is, I mean, he agonizes over every little thing. So, and believe me, I can relate.

Yeah, so it's like, yeah, people, that's how you don't tend to get things done. That's how you get him to sell shit. You gotta sit there and you gotta go to the meetings, got to listen to what the other side wants. Like you have to make the sale. Yeah. So if something was sold for some kind of advance, let's say, you know, a cartoon, let's say a cartoon advance is 20 grand, 20 or 30 thousand dollars, right? For a cartoon, they pay you, they pay you, they pay you an amount to put the scripts together. I know, because I think I sold two shows and they both worked very similarly. They give you a little

advance to put the show Bible together and to write some scripts. And then the contract says, if it gets picked up, this is what you make X per episode, right? Because most things just don't ever get picked up. Oh yeah. But you do get money. You do get money for selling it. For selling the idea for getting to the first level of the machine, the meat grinder. If he did get 20 or 30 grand, to some people, that would look like just a big rich,

juicy pussy waiting to get fucked. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? That's what, that's the way the world works. That's why when you win the lottery, you don't tell anybody because somebody smarter than you is gonna come after you and try to get what's, try to get your money. Sure.

And people don't have experience with getting rubbed. They don't know what's, especially a guy who is extremely vain and eager, like do you remember when Maddox was confronted by Joan outside of UCB, Joan confronted him. I just heard the story. And said, really 20 million bucks, like that's what you're doing to Estereos,

a guy that you've known for 10 years, like, are you fucking serious? And he said, and he said it was the lawyer's idea. And at the time, I thought, oh, he would have pussy. He's just, you know, deflecting. Now I'm wondering, maybe not. What if that was fucking true? Yeah, it, what you're saying makes a lot of sense. Yeah. It all, it all hit me at once. Yeah. Once I got hit with this, I'm like, wait a minute. This is a, I feel like I'm being fucked with by somebody else now. Yeah, I felt, I thought I was being fucked with bi-medics for a long fucking time,

but now these hits that I'm taking don't feel the same. Yeah. I know, it's like, you know, it's like you're kissing somebody in the dark. I know what I's like you're kissing somebody in the dark. I know what I'm kissing my wife and when I'm not. I know I'm not getting fucked by the same guy now. You know what I mean? So I gotta do some thinking about it

because that's different. Yeah, that changes everything. Anyway, anyway, I know he's not a smart guy. I'll tell this quick story. I'll tell you what makes me rage. I don't spend too much time on this. Maddox one time, it was all bummed out. And I went over to his house and was like,

hey, what's the deal? Why are you all bummed out? He was like, I just took an IQ test. I was like, yeah, I didn't even get very high on it. You take one of those online ones. And I said, what did you get? And you never get a chance to like, you never get a chance to over under somebody like this.

Like people are very guarded about their dick size, their IQ and how much money they make, men are. And like how many chicks they fucked. So it's rare that somebody will let you know honestly when it's indirect to the conversation and they just happen to let it slip, right? So I'm like, what did you get like 105? You know, not that there's anything wrong with that,

but just stop fucking bragging about how smart you are if you're like, if you're right smack in the middle. You know, it's like bragging about you have a huge dick and then you're like, oh, you got a five inch dick. But not that there's anything wrong with that, but what the hell are you talking about? Stop it. And he goes, now 107.

It's like, oh yeah. So you nailed it. And then he said that he said the next line, which I've never forgot was, he goes, yeah, but there was something wrong with the test because it didn't have a bunch of pop culture stuff like they usually do. And I said, I said because it didn't have a bunch of pop culture stuff like they usually do. And I said, I said, you don't have any idea how much, how many, how the painting you just painted,

the picture you just painted with that one fucking phrase. That means that you routinely use pop culture trivia, short for trivial knowledge to base intelligence, your own conception of your own intelligence. And that this is something you've done more than once. Yeah. Okay. I could see how you might be bummed out in that case.

So I know anyway, wow. Yeah, that was a funny day. Yeah, that's a funny fucking day. That's an odd one. And I'll tell you what makes me rage this week. And then I got the Winter Cuckoo Olympics. Oh boy. I've come to town.

I'll play some Dick show album stuff. I got Facebook news a little later. I got some advice. I really, I fucked my head over a bit. Oh, did you? This, yeah, this week. Oh. You know, that's my head over a bit. Oh, did you? Yeah, this week. You know, that's my favorite pastime. Yeah.

That's my favorite hobby, because he's fucked me over for so many years. Yeah, man, I did. I lost. I think I might have a rage problem, really, actually, after this story. I think I might need to pull that book out and perhaps do some of the chapters, the exercises. Three, two, one, one, two, three, what the heck is bothering me, that kind of thing. That's a deep family matters cut for you guys

and honor a black history month, family matters reference. Excellent. No, I did fuck my day out of her, but it had to be done. Okay but I, it had to be done. Okay. John, it had to be done. Well, sure, that's what people with like rage problems, you know what I'm saying? It had to be done, man.

And I did something, I did something that I've never seen done, never. Oh, well, then never seen done, John. Okay. Oh, it might be one of the greatest moments in pure male rage in history. Boy. I'm talking about man on the moon level, accomplishment, but in shouting. Oh wow.

But in men shouting, right? My parents, God bless them. They have this beautiful backyard that is the most peaceful and idyllic spot on earth. It really is. So it's wide and green, and it disappears around the corner. You can't see the fences.

There's always a hill going up behind a tree where a fence is or the yard goes around the corner. It feels like you're enclosed and it's your own private. It's like a womb that God made for you to just sit in. I've went up to their house so many times, hung over his hell, more hung over than I am now, and I'm at a five nut hangover right now. I'm gonna need to, I'm gonna need to nut five times

to get through this hangover. You know what I'm, that's how I gauge them. I see. Like a one nut hangover. Yeah. That's every day no problem. Two nuts. Ooh, this is a five, this is a maximum. Good God. day no problem. Two nuts. This is a five.

This is a maximum. Good God. I'm going to get to four, four and a half nuts and then pass out as I'm working toward the fifth. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I've gone up there many a time just to lay on the lay in a deck chair that they've got.

They've got a little kidney pool. Kidney shaped, kidney being shaped pool up there. Mm-hmm. Listen to the leaves and the trees. You know, so nice. Like a rattle. This is always a little, always perfect amount of them when it's beautiful.

Beautiful backyard. But they have got this neighbor with a dog, with a husky, like a husky-looking dog that barks all the fucking time. And it drives me insane. It drove them insane. Like they've done, they've talked to the people who have it. You know, you're talking about major nuisance and is really pissing people off.

Constant bark. Constant, and my dad's a deal maker. He's a very, everything that I am I get from my mom, who is a monster when she gets pissed off. You know, like she's lovely and sweet all of the time. But when she gets pissed, her lips disappear and her eyes start burning. And I've seen it when she gets so, when lips disappear and her eyes start burning. And I've seen it when she gets so,

when she gets, when my mom would get pissed as a kid, you could see reality warping around her. Oh, yeah. Like pulling in, you know, like all, like her gravitation was facing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, my dad's, he's, he's pragmatic.

So I don't wanna give anybody the sense that he's some kind of a pussy because he's pragmatic. So I don't want to give anybody the sense that he's some kind of pussy because he's not. He won't take things, but he always deals with things reasonably. Yeah. You know, that's what I'm saying. So he's tried every avenue to deal with this, this God damn dog that's up there just destroying, destroying all time outside, called the city

everything written letters, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I'm up at the top of the fence with little bam, bam, the littlest, my littlest nephew, because he just destroys, like he just pounds things. Maybe this is a second child thing, but if he's, he loves it. He'll take anything that he can grip and smash the fuck out. Like the guy can throw, the guy can throw a fucking football

and he's too. I can't throw a football. Throw's better than me, this kid. He's got abs. You hold him up and it's like, where the fuck did you get, what do you have abs for? What have you been, are you doing CrossFit? Where's your box?

Where's your box? That's what CrossFit people call their gym. They call it a box. Is that right? Yeah, they have weird terminology because it's encouraged like cult-like behavior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm up at the top of the fence with this kid, just wandering around, and the dog, this husky, from hell, is right there with this husky from hell is right there with that husky who hasn't been exercised bark. Right in my fucking face up a hill like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like, this is totally intolerable.

So I pick up a handful of dirt and fling it at the dog. Like just get the fuck away from us, at least take the barking out of my fucking face, right? Grab a handful of dirt, throw it at the dog. It works. The dog right in the face. I mean, no, because you can't hit a dog with a rock. They have evolved. They see time slower than us. Like, yeah, I thought you meant the, like, the spray. The spray. Yeah. I just, well, those, so, you know, a dog will see you wind up to throw anything and it will instantly start, start anticipating it faster than you can, faster than you can even see it do it. Yeah. No, it's true. But dog knows what I'm doing. I'm throwing up, a bunch of dirt is coming at it.

So it immediately bolts, right? It immediately runs back 10 feet. And I'm like, oh, thank fucking Christ. It's not right in my fucking face, right? Throw the dirt immediately starts in. Once I stop paying attention, once I stop looking at it it immediately starts in, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I can't throw a clump of dirt that far,

but it worked once, so I find a dirt cloud. You ever played dirt clouds when you were a kid? Of course. It's the most fun game for children in the world. You take a dirt cloud and you throw it at each other and you try to hit each other in the head because then it explodes and gets all in their hair. Try to hit them in the penis. You know, it's a fun game and you play to hit each other in the head because then it explodes and gets all in their hair. Try to hit them in the penis.

You know, it's a fun game and you play till the dirt clouds get too muddy and then someone gets, or until someone cries, because they got dirt in their eyes. Yeah, sure. But it's completely harmless. The harmless fun of children who didn't have video games or had exhausted theirs when they were children.

So I pick up a dirt cloud, okay? Here you go, motherfucker. I can throw a dirt cloud. I know how to throw a dirt cloud. It's not a pile of dirt. It's just gonna turn into dust and then I'm gonna get it all over my face. That's not gonna work at this distance that I'm at.

You know, this is all the algebra, the Bayes equation in my brain doing all of this as on the fly. I'm not, you know, I'm not thinking these things through, but this is what's happening. So I pick up the dirt cloud and I throw it thinking just get further away from me with the barking. It's driving me insane. And I can't hear bam, bam's gibberish down there, right? Yeah. Again, it works. It works fantastically. Uh-huh. Dirt clod explodes, of course, far away from the dog because I would,

I would offer you $10,000 to hit the dog. You can hit the dog. If you can hit a dog, that is, it is absolutely impossible with a clod of dirt that is in and of itself harmless, right? Yeah. Just, I'm just overly specifying that there's no danger and it none was ever intended. Yeah.

You know? So, the dirt cloud explodes and it explodes up the hill. Mm-hmm. Now, these people's excuse has always been that they don't know when their dog's barking. Mm-hmm. And I have always thought that is bullshit. How do you not know when your dog's barking? What do you get?

It's the dog on the fucking North 40. Yeah. I mean, how far from that far from the plantation house, maybe 150 feet away from the domicile. You know, damn, well, you've tuned it out because you don't care because you're garbage. Yeah. So the dirt clad explodes and it's the dog is standing at the top of the hill where the hill stops climbing and then turns into the level of their house. So the dirt cloud explodes and some of the dirt goes flying over the hill. And I hear a very fat, hey, I'm low Anderson. And I think to myself, bitch, you did not just listen to that dog. You did not just hear that dog bark for 20, 30 minutes.

And then you saw and you're doing nothing. And then you saw some dirt. And now you're pissed off. So I said, no, there's no fucking way. Somebody just sat there listening to that chaos and did like the sound of dog murdering somebody and just sat there. I have a big problem with that. So I say, well, I mean, I'm an engineer.

I know how to test. I know how to, I know the scientific method. You make a hypothesis and then create an experiment and then test it and analyze the results. If necessary, you either change or refine your hypothesis. So I say, okay, again, this is my brain doing this on its own, not me, just born an engineer, nothing I can do about this, I pick up another dirt cloud. And I think, gee, I wonder if that sound will happen again if I repeat the action.

So I throw the cloud of dirt. Again, it explodes into nothingness. Couple some dirt things fly up on the fly above the horizon. And I hear again, hey! And I think, oh my fucking god, that one sounded like that. When it sounded like a movement of getting up from something, a great beast rising to their feet was done during that hey, because it sounded strained. You know? Like, it was also getting up. And I imagine at the end of Wally, those people, those giant behemoth standing for the

first time, that moment where they've used atrophied muscles and perhaps are willing themselves to walk like a human. Right. And I stand there watching Sean, and this great, I stand there like A-hab on the bottom of the hill. Keep in mind that I have the weaker ground, like Anakin Skywalker,

because I'm lower on a mountain, and I look up. And at first I think that the mountain itself is growing. Yes. But then as the sun, as the sun fades and the silhouette becomes real, I see that a great and white land whale has breached the surface, has breached perhaps the sun itself, has blocked the sun out of the sky and is now standing there grumpily, grumpily,

and fatly staring down at me. Like maybe that I'm some kind of trying to figure out if I'm edible. Number one. But also knowing instantly that I'm the source of the dirt debris that's been flying into the air, right? Right. So you know me.

I pick up a dirt slide. Oh, I said, so she goes, we say, you know, very, very fat, very disgustingly. But, you know, talking with her teeth, lips curled back like a rat, like a great, like a great and fat rat, like this. Because, are you throwing rocks at my dot? And before she could finish the question, I don't like being asked questions

that people know the answer to. Right. I said, you shut your fucking dog up. Shut that fun. I went into a tirade of expletives from which there was no beginning or end. It was only a singular conscious, conscious stream of pure venom, of pure venom stretching back until the beginning of time, like a singularity of frustration and rage. A universe of this was being born in that moment from my fucking mouth.

And even thinking about it, I feel my entire body turning into pure hatred. Turn not light like in quantum leap, but the evil leap or the red one. Just a distorted field of bile and loathing, taking form like my mother. Exactly what I described about my mother. I can feel the air coming in, and if I just hate more, it will eventually suck in everything. I'm laying into the, so she goes, this fucking woman, no enormous, the kind of, with the kind of ass fat

where the ass becomes like a tube, like a tube, a tire that bumbles around erotically when they walk, usually oppositely of momentum that you would think, but you have to stare into this giant bulbous S as it grinds and bounces around. You know, the size that I'm talking about, the S comes with its own seat wherever she goes is what happened. So she cocks this tremendous rump, this basket, this beach ball of an ass, you know, that cock, that sassy, sea words do, that sassy cunts do,

when they're about, when they think they've got you, she cocks this thing and raises their fingers, because if you got a problem with this dog, then you can just call, and I said, don't you got a problem with this dog, then you can just call and I said, don't you fucking cock your hip at me. You uncock that hip right to fuck now. Don't you cock your hip at me, you fucking hippo. And I'm then I started with the Al Bundy stuff.

You know what I'm saying? And Sean, as true as this day, as every inch of me as a man, she fucking uncocked her hip and took her hand off of her hip and returned it to a normal human position. I will the trailer trash out of this bitch. You understand what I'm saying? I proved once and for all that with sheer force of will, you can make a person behave in a civil way. She uncocked it and

stood there and then just slid back like a demon. Perhaps on the on the grease that she brought out when she came to confront what she was hoping was a much maker person. Yeah. Uncocked, slinking off into the shadows. And that was it. That was it. My dad got a call the second later and they put the phone down and he goes, hey, were you

throwing rocks at the dog? I said, of course not. And then I said, give me the phone. I'll explain, give me the phone. I'll talk, so I'm happy to talk to them. Yeah, yeah, he's not sorry. I don't know. But I felt like such a piece of shit because I'm like, man, these,

your parents live here and you're just fucking things up, you're fucking things up. You are fucking things up by behaving like this. But Sean, some people are never gonna know. You're gonna not fucking live like this. People cannot live like this in this way. I'm sh, I cannot, I cannot stop it anymore. I can't cannot stop it anymore.

I can't fucking stop it. If you're gonna act, if you're gonna act like an animal, you are going to get treated like a fucking animal. Because it's just words. It's just words and you can hear them and you should hear them more often. Yeah. You pull that hip-cocking shit in real life? No.

Not, no, not ever. Not ever does that belong in real life? No. Not, no. Not ever. Not ever does that belong in a civilized society, ma'am. What you're doing? Put it away. Barriott. Barriott with your trailer trash up ringing. Anyway.

What happened to the dog? You know what? They come back out. Fuckin' we go eat it's a little bit silent because I know I fucked up. I know people, I know everyone's pissed of me. Yeah. Guys, I just, I don't know what to tell you. I can't, I cannot just sit there. First of all, meanwhile, BamBam is learned a tapestry of a very important last year. Yeah, yeah. You know what?

Right after we're calling her a hippocalker sucker. He actually already knew my sister sent me a, I love these videos. She sent me a video of him calling the little Irishman a dick. Oh boy. You know, she said the recording starts where she goes, what did you just call your brother? Did you get the phone out first? Yeah, well, she, you know, because she knows first. Yeah, well, she knows it's funny. Yeah, she knows it's funny.

And you can tell her trying not to let you. What did you just call your brother? And he's a dick, dick. And she goes, you can't, don't say that. You can't say that. And he goes, okay, I will. Like, yeah. So we already knew, this was before my altercation.

And he wasn't around. I stood up there by myself. Oh, this was before my altercation and he wasn't around. I stood up there by myself. Oh, he was gone. He was gone playing on the jungle gym. Gotcha. He was fine. And after I fixed, after I fixed the problem, I went down and played with him on the slide.

It was great. We had a wonderful 80s scrolls down there playing with them already. And I just went, I went down and enjoyed the rest of my day. Nice. Cause it's, it's nothing to me. Yeah, these altercations anymore. Yeah, yeah.

I don't feel them anymore. Well, you have a much different perspective than most people do. Yeah, and I have a lot of practice stringing together, kind of the kind of chewing out that most people could not. Sure, to be fair. Oh yeah.

I mean, you're, I mean, you're tempting someone who's got years and tens of thousands of hours doing what you're about to hear. And you don't know that. You know, you used to, that's why guys get list. Get their nipples involved. I don't fucking, I got, you understand that I'd probably have to talk for 48 hours before I would run out of things to call you. There's going to be no nipples here, sir.

You've brought nipples to a word fight. You brought your nipples to a gun fight is the point I'm trying to make. Yeah, I don't know. I hope I didn't fuck things up too bad, but what the fuck can, how could you fuck things up? What the dog's gonna bark more? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I hope I hope I didn't fuck things up too bad, but what the fuck can... How could you fuck things up? What the dog's gonna bark more? I don't know. I mean, it was right fucking there and it wouldn't get out of my face. And I just... Fixed the problem. I've just fixed one problem.

I just have a compulsion to fix problems. Get the fuck away from me. Get away from me more. I see that you've had, I see that you have, you suffer from bad parenting. Now I need to fix that too. Mm. And I do this service for free. Yep. So, there you go.

I don't know. Pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good story. Let me see if, let me see if, yeah, I was like Arlee, I was like Lee, Arlee, yeah, Arlee, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what it felt like. Dropping, I bet I could have made her do push-ups.

Yeah. You fucking drop and give me 20. Pile, yeah. And if it sounds like I'm enjoying that altercation, it's because there's no other way. Doesn't help to beat yourself up. I'm gonna play an animated version of five minutes. This is one of the songs from the album. I think I'm just gonna play album songs today

to try to promote it, because I really want that thing to, I really want that thing to sell, because those guys deserve it. All the money goes to those guys, as I said, on the stream. I'm gonna buy it today. On the stream. And it's only 12.99 or something like that as I said on the stream. I'm gonna buy it today. Today. And it's only 12.99 or something like that.

I told them to make it 16.99, but they're like, no, Dick, we wanna give people the deal of the century on this music. And I said, you guys are crazy to offer this album for only 12.99. It should be 16.99, but for some reason, for some reason they just don't wanna make, they just don't want your money.

They'd rather practically give it away at $12.99. Then the DSRP, the DICK suggested retail price of $16.99. That's what I'm saying, John. Let me see if I can put this in the video cast. Let me see if I can put this in the video cast. So nope, made a music video to one of the songs on the album. And in case anybody wonders like the tone of the album, it's not a comedy album. The songs are incredible and if they are funding, it's ancillary to the song being a song. Cool.

Like a lot of people are expecting just like a bunch of stupid covers just because it's my name's attached to it. And I'm like, that guy's just a slap-ass jerk off. I keep, he just puts out half-assed slap-dick garbage. You know, anything with Dix' name on it, it's gotta be just goofy, some kind of metajoke, just fucking fancy LA, you know, bullshit. It's just, It's just awesome.

I could imagine an entire set at Burning Man with this album. I can't wait. So good. Hey there, Dick, Dick Show listeners. Not many people know this, but my new podcast, ScienceFriction. ScienceFriction.fun, supported Patreon.com slash stereos. It's for quality. The stereos is fucking real life.

It's a real life spaceship. It's a Patreon envoy album. It's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really supported patreon that comes like stereos is for core series is fucking real is out of the ship is the envoy but needless to say it wasn't cheap anyway sorry I was running late but you wouldn't believe the shit that happened to me while I was traveling the galaxy haha haha He will bat last part. I can't wait to catch that Robin Hood and turn him into my sensual slave. All right. We'll animated the animated hysterios.

This is great. They're shine as data. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah, mission failure even end I haven't seen a plasma core breach this Yeah A little churn on every frame Do this without saying the system is down I guess I can Oh Oh It's tight tight stuff. How about that? There you go moving back now we I don't know

Like the little is there. It's got captain. For it. Yeah. Why can't I be more like Robin Hood? I'm not wearing pants, I can't use ropes. How the hell did Nope do this? OK. This is an entire cartoon.

I know. Walk nine. Walk nine. Walk 10. Walk 50. OK. You're going to be a champion. You're going to be a champion. I'm going to be a champion, 5, 8. Okay. I'm gonna have 10, let's get back to the day.

Ugh. Unreal. Amazing. Animation by Nope.wmv music by ACUs. ACU Vistas. Available at thedichshow.bamcamp.com. That's cool. I wonder how long that took. How long does something like that take? ACU Vistas. Available at thedichshow.bancamp.com. That's cool. I wonder how long that took. How long does something like that take? Oh, it's gotta be months to me.

It takes an entire day to make five seconds of animation. It's crazy. Because Tittmouse used to have, Tittmouse Animation Studio used to have this thing where they, oops. Used to have this thing where they'd have the five second film festival or animation festival where they do it in a day. Yeah, they let all their animators if they wanted to take the entire day at work to do their own animation.

So you'd get five seconds. Show it at the end of the day. Yeah, five seconds of craziness. It was fun. They'd all, it was like a big party. They'd rent out a theater and they didn't show it and then they'd just have Oh, it's cool. It's insane five second things. You can say a lot in five seconds. Yeah. Let me see here way too much. Catching your pocket on doors that also makes me rage. Yeah.

So the little the little metal flap that the yeah, yeah, yeah, so many nice short pairs of shorts that way cock sucking doors and door handles just snagging your pocket as you walk. Yeah. See if you're, if you're shorter, you don't deal with that. Oh, really? Well, yeah, because it's a privileged thing at tall privilege. I think so. I think so. You're probably right. I have to see you. Yeah. It's happened to me before. Sure people probably catch their, the mouth. Like a fish hook. Yeah.

Get a fish hook. Like they're probably, now they're like, oh yeah, I do hate that dick. Yeah. Like when I walk by a door and accidentally catch it in the cheek. Right. Get a fish hook.

Oh. Oh, okay. Let's, here's another one. Pentobertall was found in cheap dog food. I had to recall it. Really? Remember a certain debate where someone said that euthanized dogs end up in dog food? Who was it that had that thought that? I think that was me.

I think that would make me the winner because they fucking found a bunch of euthanasia drugs in cheap dog food and how it gets there. Yeah, yeah, maybe it was wild dog food and they just euthanized the pellets. Maybe there's a big, a new species of pellet monster out in the wild, the thing, the euthanas, and then mulch up into. Do you know which brand?

Brands? No, I forgot. So, you know, if you're worried, if you're worried about your dog, then, then, then Google it. Yeah, Google it. Let me see here. Don't worry. Dog bites on the case.

He has a self preservation instinct. Comes from his, his wild, you know roots. Oh My goodness. There's a ton of oh, let me get I want to get the boys The album guys in here. I see here. I ask them to call in I'm unmuting them now Sam this is Sam Glaze, uh, LeCembra and ACO. Are you guys there? Yeah, right. That's gone. Yo, hey, crank them up. What's up, guys? Congratulations. Your album is a huge hit. Thank you. How does it feel? Uh, surreal. Surreal. Surreal to see on page one, the front page of bandcamp and the entire world.

Oh, holy shit. Yeah. A work based on the rantings of an insane person who has emotional issues. Me, I'm talking about me, of course. Well hell, guys, what's the response been like? Oh, man. The fans of these shows, unbelievable. Yeah, how good the response has been.

Everyone's been so supportive. It's, I can't, I have no words. This is the camera. This is like camera, by the way. Yeah, man with the golden, the golden, beautiful voice of an angel that makes me feel like shit every time I sing now. From a faraway land and he sounds like he's far away. Yeah.

But that's, that's good. Do we know where he is? What is it with you, Ossies? Why are you guys so good at like singing and stuff and like electronics and bullshit? I'm not saying down under autism. Yeah. Is it, you got nothing to do down there, but crank out, because isn't it,

like there's a disproportionate amount of tinkerers who make cool inventions on YouTube and musicians who are Australian. Is that not true? I have no idea. Maybe I just have a thing with being with new Jews Yeah, the new Jews Yeah, Jews Israel fucked up. They should have come to Australians that have you know the holy land. Yeah, I think I'll let's move it to Australia I'm fucking why it open? Why don't you? Yeah, that's it. We, the Holy Land. Yeah. I'm saying, God, let's move it to Australia. Fuck it. We don't want to talk about that. Why don't we? Yeah, that's it.

We're the new promised land. So how long did this take you guys, the album? A year. Yeah, right about. A year. Yeah, we're coming up on a year now. Yep. And they kept, they got cucked a couple times, but well, it was supposed to be ready when

the lawsuit happened. Yeah. And I drugged my feet on my track. I just couldn't get it done, John. I had so much to sit around and, you know, think and drink about. And I dragged my feet, I dragged my feet for so long. The lawsuit came out. And then a stereo save came out.

And then, you know, um, the new year happened. So these guys have been sitting on this and like refining it for about a year. It's a lot of work. Yeah. The record. Yeah. How come you guys didn't get Sean on for the Sean song? Nobody really knows the answer to that. And I mean, you know, it's, it's, I would feel uncomfortable asking them to speculate. All right. I the show in 2020, the line art, the liner art is disgusting,

which one of you is responsible for that? That's the camera. The camera for me is a woman. You want to tell them how to tell the camera? Yeah, tell me. What's up, the, the, the line are up. Chick, chick, Masterson. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. I just, I hit up, uh, Andy Lee, call it the deep on Twitter and, uh, just said, uh, just do something fucked up, man. I just got this idea and, uh, he took it and fucking made it what it is and it's disgusting. It is disgusting. All right. Do you guys do music outside?

Do you have other projects that you're working on? LeCembre, I know I'm on your Instagram and you're like a family man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On SoundCloud, put some things up now and then. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

What makes you guys a rage? LeCembre on SoundCloud. Give me one at a time. Give me your. All right. What makes you guys a rage? What's your name? What makes you guys a rage? What's your name? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage?

What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage?

What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? What makes you guys a rage? of noise? Were they disturbing? Were they disturbing his hangovers? Were they making a lot of noise in some way? Because then they did.

I don't know why, I did it. I think like, okay, so I'm on a hill, right? My house is facing, I can see like the suburbs and all that. He's on the other side of the hill and the back of his house faces my house. And so I think I think he's got it out for me because he must really like to look at my house because I think he cut them down to a good look at my house. Yeah, he's probably going to put some cameras up,

make his own little ACO TV watch from outside. I mean, he really should just set up a microphone if you want to see the music, but that's about it. Well, the only thing you can do in response is you got to kill him, I guess. I can't let him do it. I was thinking about it. I think, you know, if someone hits you, hit him back with everything, right? So you can treat something. Yeah, kill him.

All right, LeCambra, what makes you rage, man? Nothing, I'm flying too high. Nothing makes me rage. No, I can't bring him dead. The North-Southen record of the world. If you have a beautiful voice like that, what would make you a rage? Sean, you could sing your way out of anything.

Somebody's pissed off at you. You just, um, you're pissed off at me. Right, and every chicken go, God damn you. I can't be guys when we be like, yeah fuck it, what am I piss off of? Actually, you know what, Sean not being on the album, that's what makes me rage. Yeah, me too.

Sean, if we are ever lucky enough to do something like this again, mate, you have to be on it. I'm in, I promise. Okay, then I gotta make a mold of my illness. Like I said, I will. Oh boy. Thank you. Forget it. I'm in. I promise. Okay. Then I got to make a mold of my illness. Like I said, I will. Oh boy. Uh, thank you. Forget it.

I take it all back. All right. Sam Glaze, what makes you a rage, man? Um, my name is Trace. I just, I'm the guy. And uh, yeah, man, I just had to cut these things down. I'm trying to, like, you need room to set up microphones. You need room to set up cameras. Yeah. I think it's just a bit rude that this guy has grown these massive trees

in his backyard. It is. Yeah. Very rude. Alright, boys. What was that? Also, my rage is the one day I call into the dick show, pops, pops in my audio interface. It can't be fixed. The Gremlins can't be removed from audio. Well, fuck guys, thanks a lot. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, it was really awesome listening to it live. I hope I think you guys were watching.

I saw your names at some point. It was incredible. Incredible album and it was incredible listening to it live with so many people. There was hundreds of people tuned in to listen to it for the first time. That's great. Congratulations. Yeah. You guys want to give any shout outs, wives, girlfriends, mistresses?

All of the above. Dreamtrimers. Dreamtrimers. Shout out to everyone who bought the album. Thank you so much. There's been a great response. Yeah. Cool.

And actually, before I go, Dic, I wanted to ask you very quickly one question. Road rage, down under. Is that gonna happen? Yeah, I wanna do it in September, October, Sydney. Be amazing. Yeah, definitely. You guys gotta help, find a, help recommend a place.

We'll do it at my house. Okay. Okay. Let's Chop all the trees. Yeah, everybody's taking almost souvenir tree. Yeah. Or kid. Right. Okay, we'll bring a bunch of Jews.

Let me settle up here. The new promise land. Yeah, I'll show up with a bunch of seeds. All right, guys, take it easy. Thanks a lot. Cheers. See you, man. See you. Oh you man see ya yeah

oh man wow those guys really made an incredible album didn't they? yeah they did madcucks what do you want? I just wanted to come in and and break my silence about about the allegations that have arisen as pertains to the birth statement yeah yeah

yeah and I just want to say that that is as pertains to the birth statement. Yeah. Yeah. And I just want to say that that is definitely 100% and accurate summation of fact. It is not, that is sarcasm because that will show up in another document that he called in a sentence that it's fact. Right. I've had to start putting the words, this is a joke, inter splice,

inspliced inside of sentences on Reddit comments, just in case. Yeah. Remember we're in. So then if there are ellipses, they're like ellipses in the middle of sentences, you got to put them in the middle of words now. Yeah.

Well, we're dealing with the chronically and terminally stupid. Yeah. Well, the thing is, I mean, when you say, when you say things like, a stereotype to dick, both called me on a conference call, I was shocked because even though I had listened to the show, I had never talked to either of them, you know, that how can you tell that that's not a joke? I don't do conference calls. Why would that, why would that happen? Well, and it's also, it's, it's completely plausible that two people

that I've never heard of or spoken to or or even aware of my existence would suddenly call me out of the blue. Yeah. I mean, we're at a point where a whale shirt is harassment. Me wearing, me wearing a shirt in my own house is considered as a needs of temporary restraining order. Yeah, you they just actually wear shirts. Yes. They're perched up on the other mount. Put your toe. Look in there going. No, look at those arms.

Oh, yeah, I took a picture with the shotgun that Caleb made for me. And I was wearing this shirt. Wow. And it's in there. It's this is a, this is a threat because I've holding a gun and I'm wearing it a shirt with a whale on it. Yeah. Are you guys, you also, you also took a picture with a loaded assault rifle and no, and it's called a low with a whale on it. Yeah. Are you guys, you also, you also took a picture

with a loaded assault rifle and, no, and it's called a loaded assault rifle. A loaded assault rifle gun. It's a shotgun. But it looked a lot like a box. Yes. My load is a sold box. I do need a lot of box.

All right, Mad Cax, what are you unreal? Do you have anything you want to say? Yeah, I've got some bad news. Oh, okay. Some stuff came up. There's a big superlated event near me this weekend. I think why? And it's like I will not be able to make it to Portland. Oh, that's a shame, man. Yeah, it really sucks. I mailed a giant box of paper crowns to Portland to be sold at the merchandise table. Yeah. For a bucket piece.

Okay. And I hope that if I get a chance to see the video, I just see a crowd of people wearing one dollar paper crowns. Okay. I'll buy one. I just know that everybody that has a one dollar paper crown, you're gonna be named in a lawsuit. Mm.

Probably true. Get a big group photo afterwards. So everybody can, everybody with a crown could be in there. It can be exactly. And I'll tweet it and say, Maddox is a fucking moron with emotional problems and people are saying that his girlfriend has herpes

and then the little definitely, don't worry, I'll, don't worry. I got this. I'll make don't worry. I got this. I'll make a funny tweet. I'll do a spicy tweet that I, that has lost. I'm the magic, I'm the magic mystery man with the magic touch of getting sued. I'll think I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Loss suit magnet. All right, well, we're sorry to miss you, buddy. Yeah, it's a real shame because Heather asked what's going to be there. She's got challenged Lacey off to a news pay off. Oh, yeah. So, all right. She's too busy writing a new article for Conti Nast.

Yes. The wrong address. Yeah. That's, that's going to be listed in the, in the lawsuit now, Sean. I'm sure that it is. I'm sure that it is. You know, the, the funny thing is about the, the last comment, the comment, the Sean made is that the judge is going to see that quote in the document document and he's going to go, well, I mean, he's

right. Yeah. That'll be the thing. The quote from me is, quote from me is possibly the dumbest fucking lawyer on earth. Like it's a quote from me in there. Oh, yeah. Why would you put that quote in? Yeah.

Yeah, I don't, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to I don't want to talk about it I've spent too much time on it. All right, Mad Cux. I love your Mad Cux news program. Yeah, I need to make another one tonight with some more news Yeah, I think I think I'm gonna have a law expert on that's good. Oh, can't wait to watch it. Oh, have you seen the Mad Cux news? I haven't yet. Maybe I should play a little, no, I knew that it, yeah, I knew that he was doing one. Oh, he found it. Yeah, do you like the, that everybody, the second one, most people like the second one. Everybody says it's better than the,

most people like the second one. Yeah, the second one where the scientist is in there. Okay. I have seen a little bit of it, actually. I'm just gonna play like the first minute. Mad Cux. Yeah, sounds good. Just skip past all the logos. There's funny though.

Oh, wait a minute. I don't need that. I can just do this. Cool. It's part of the Riccata News Network. Your new toys. I hate it news network. Definitely not big news.

Out way, baby. Oh, wow. Oh, this is three. You want me to play two? No, no, you keep playing this one. Oh This is three you want me to play two. Oh, no, you keep playing this one. Okay You know his 20 crowns And he's got a spinning bust of himself, But this is better production value than the thing it's making fun of. Yeah, I know. I think the bus being in the back of the pan. I'm your host, man. I'm here.

Hold on. First, Twitch has announced recently that it is now banning streamers for activities they do off of their platform if they find that they're kicking part in targeted harassment. Yeah, just like Twitter earlier this year or last year, what you're doing off of their site, Twitch is now doing that. So if you're being from Twitter, there's a good chance you're going to be banned from Twitch as well. Also, maybe this is, I think this is a bold step for Twitch because what it does, it's it allows Twitch to basically take your very buddy who's twitch streaming stupid music shit with the audio pain all the way one side Well, I'm trying to do my news shows and some kind of like online target harassment So yeah in your face to anybody who would think about doing something a following like that

Anyway Our next story is about the president and the international space station Yeah, so president Hashtag.myPresidentTrump, he announced earlier this week that he plans, he wants to privatize the International Space Station. Yeah, they're gonna turn into Trump Tower, but in space, I think, I think that's his plan, really. And so, I'm pretty sure this is against

the Geneva Convention because of the laws about Non-polariferation of arms and space through whatever it was signed in the 80s, but Yeah, let's just hope this is the big gonna be the thing that takes takes a take some out You know those stuff whatever anyway Let's go over to see it with Heather S at the condon And see what she has to stay for it Heather No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Obviously mad kex wearing a mop on his head like a looney tunes All right All right wonderful absolutely wonderful. Yeah, check those out. They're on my YouTube station Yeah, cool. I'm on your YouTube station

Can I talk about some rages? Yeah, what are you what are you got? This is what makes me a rage. I'm trying to change my still-avonally dressed image since I've been made fun of constantly online It's causing me unimaginable stress So I bought some of those fancy dress shirts and here's's what makes me a rage. None of these fucking dress shirts fit right. I get a shirt that has the right size neck hole. It's got armholes that are like made for a T-rex. If I get a shirt that has the right length armholes, it's like I'm wearing a dress. Yeah. The neck hole is like a small baby neck. I can't find any balance. So I end up wearing these damn dress shirts and I button the sleeves and the sleeve isn't even close

to my wrist and then anytime I reach forward, it's like, oh, this is now a three quarter sleeve halfway up my fucking arm. Look at that. Look at that. I can't fucking dress myself even though I'm trying my best to your. Yeah, it's there really a prison.

Like if you get the right neck hole, then the armpits cut like cut up into your, yeah, halfway into your arm, so you're just walking around with a guillotine on your armpit all day. Yeah, it's hard to find well-fitting dress shirts. It's really is. We got to just go just so short that when you tuck them into your pants, the slightest movement, they're right out of there.

What do you, what can you do? We need to establish a culture of dress ponchos. There you go. Only thing that fits. That's what we do. Just slap a collar on a poncho. You look professional. That's formal.

That's formal. Black tie. Guess what? I'm collar ponchoing your wedding. Don't look at me, don't look at me in my eyes. You heard that what I did to that fan woman. One cocked that hip. That's as that was the beginning of what I'm gonna do to you

if you try to shame me for my dress poncho that I'm wearing. That's right. Yeah, you're right. I'm all for that. We should suddenly dress should be the new formal. That's what I think. Yeah.

All right, get outta here, Mad Cux. I'm right here. You guys later. I'm gonna come to Portland. I'm gonna come to Portland. We will. Miss you in Portland for sure. Please, buy my crown. I'm right here. You guys later. I'm going to come to Portland. I'm going to come to Portland. We will. Missing Portland for sure. Why am I crowned?

Please, please buy my crown. We will buy your crowns. I'll buy people some crowns. How about that? Yeah, sure. All right, this is the winter cuckoolympics, hysteria of synthesis. Oh, boy.

Remember the cuckoolympics? Yeah. The bit that we did two years ago? Yeah. Those were the summer cuck Olympics. Oh, okay. As it turns out. Right. So I'm gonna read you some events

from the 2018 winter cuck Olympics that I've got right here. That's cuck Olympics XXI, the 31st cuck Olympics. In our first event, the two man watch your wife get plowed by a guy named Bob sled. Oh, get it. I do. Bob sled. Yeah. And the two man, the two, the two man Bob sled is the event.

This is the two man watch your wife get plowed by a guy named Bob sled. Mm-hmm. In this classic event, one Olympian goes for the gold with a married chick while her husband jerks off in a closet and cries. They say cut-golding is a fetish for the sapio-sexual, making Maddox the winningest participant in the sports history. Can't sue me twice, you weird, cringy fuck. On to the second event. The individual men's, tell your girlfriend, you hate girls that look like a skeleton.

Because it's a men's skeleton, it's the event. The individual men's skeleton. The skeleton, the individual men's skeleton. It's like the face first lose. Yeah, the skeleton in case you don't know. The winter isn't as popular, so people don't know even what the sports are. But this is the individual men's tell your girlfriend you hate girls that look like a skeleton. Uh-huh, right. Because they do do that. Oh man. You go on Facebook, any kind

of hot girl, thin girl, fit girl, all these assholes eat a sandwich. Oh, you got to eat something. I like my girls with a little bit of, you, then you find a, you find a girl of the other variety, find a big girl. Girl years, the most beautiful woman in the world. It's like the complete fucking opposite. It's so weird. It's not, and just like, okay, keep up the positive shit, but why do you have to shit on the, why do you have to shit on women who are skinny?

Uh, yeah. Some girls can't put on weight, by the way. They're just, and they don't believe me. Every woman hates how she looks, okay? Let's start there. So there's no reason, just because you, like, just to boost yourself up for you anyway. For your girlfriend, you don't have to take it out on the,

then ones, especially if they have huge cans. Sean. This celebrated event requires men to get caught checking out a girl and then say, uh, I was worried about how dangerously skinny that girl was. Yeah, right. I preferred chicks with a little meat on their bones. Then later that night, you jerk it into the toilet to JPEGs from the latest sports illustrated swimsuit issue.

Not the plus size chicks though. Those girls are really only in there to help defray claims of sexism. Feel free to skip those JPEGs. On to the next event. 100% true. Yeah, the next event. The 10 kilometer, the 10 kilometer, data girl who says she's by Athalon. Ah, how about that?

Good, good one. They're usually full of shit if they say that. Clever. The ones who are by don't tell you. In fact, they deny it constantly, even though they are. She kissed a sorority sister once on a dare. So now she thinks she's special. Put up with her bullshit because of her can situation, then dump her the moment you find someone who's on your level.

Years later, you'll learn, she eventually married a balding at stable accountant dude, named Mike and win the gold. That's that event. The 10 kilometer date a girl who says she's by Athalon. It's a good one. Clever. Yeah. Here's one.

Okay. It's may, it's may not be as popular. Oh my God. It's may not be as popular. What am I reading a loss of my reading Maddox's lawsuit? It's may not be as popular as figure skating, but die hard sports fans thrill to drama of our fifth event, cross country reeeing.

Okay, not skiing, reeeing. You know, all caps reee-ing cross country re-ing. Yeah, yeah. In this seminal classic, four-chainers worldwide freak the fuck out upon learning that normies in fact have access to their boards. Uh, Assyria, you got that backwards. It's not four, four-chain is the solution. The rest of the internet's the problem.

Don't you fucking, don't you ever criticize fortune. If you know what's good for you. Finally, forget the Luge. This year's are slash the Donald, the world, excuse me. This year are slash the Donald fans worldwide will thrill to the men's singles. Huge, huge, not the Luge, the huge got it. The men's singles, huge, and it teams of two allow the integrity of our national elections to come under assault by state-sponsored Russian actors. Jesus, hysteria really believes that, doesn't he? So purely to protect their own fragile 71 year old ego's, I believe that American, I believe that American elections should be decided by American voters

and call on all my listeners, Republican and Democrat to urge their elected representatives to tighten our electoral, electoral cyber security because next time they're, oh, this, he just tricked me into reading, that's not a bitch. Yeah. Uh, because next time the Russians might want to elect a Democrat and that won't be great for conservatives either Donald Trump sucks and I dick masters in very much. Yeah, I knew it. Yeah, I'm very forward to voting for crystal Gillibrand. Yeah, sure. In the 2020 election, Gillibrand 2020 Gillibrand 2020 Gillibrand, actually, they think that they're gonna run somebody

against Trump. Come on, mysterious. You lunatic. You silly, you silly Olympian. Isn't that weird to imagine that there's like whole huge amounts of people who are following this like dumb Russian shit? Well, that gets real.

Like what, like what part of it's real? Anything like that somebody could rig an election with like Facebook and ads and whatever. Like I don't even know what they're saying. No, you just create. I think I think what's you rig an election by getting a bus filling it full of poor and old people and driving them from the polling location. People in the population. That's how you fix a vote. There's everything else is just an advertisement. Yes, well, no, that's true. That's true. It's just to muddy the waters and stuff.

It's so weird. No, I don't. And I don't think that anybody, the powers that be on any side, nobody has said that they believe it swayed the election. Then what the fuck is it? That they don't want it that they don't want that people don't want a potential outside influence confusing the matter. Buddy, I mean, water is that kind

of thing. So like what with what ads? Yeah, ads or or fake studies or fake quotes or fake they're all fake. I mean fake quotes, like we're gonna have an election where a computer generated candidate walks out and kills a dog on television. And then it's gonna be brought to you by the other guy. And you're gonna be like, I can't tell that if that is a real video clip or not. There's gonna, the next election,

look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna actually get bet, in the next election, there will be a fake sex tape released of somebody running. Oh, I wonder where the face is put on, like, the face is put on a porn, and you're just watching, you're watching the candidate get butt fucked all over the internet. I can't wait.

And it'll be, it's like, and this is, how do you, who the fuck cares what Russia did if you're putting computer butt fucking on TV? Like, your brain sees it and you're like, oh yeah, my guy's getting butt fucked. No. What the fuck am I supposed to do? When that day comes, when that day comes,

the bar will have moved again. Yes, exactly. Right now, we're worried about the Russians. We're worried about... Next time, we're worried about guys getting... Computer butt fucking that's going on. I mean, I think it's like I hate to say this because I don't think that it's true. I don't believe what I'm about to say. But I think things are so good for us and we have so much money that it all, it's getting to a point where it doesn't matter which side wins. You know what I'm saying? All that matters on which side winning is who's getting more welfare, the military or the

node, the people without a job. Well, like that is a way to look at it that I don't agree with, but I think it's true. No, it, like, I don't want to agree with it. I think it might be fucking true. It's just, it's getting truer. I don't either party. It's all, don't think one of them has your interest at heart. They, none of them give us squirt a piss about you. None of them. Yeah. And it's just which sets of special interests they answer to. Yeah. And that's it. Yeah. They don't care. If you think Trump cares about you, Trump does care about him. He doesn't give a shit about me. Obama didn't give a shit about you. That's because these motherfuckers give a shit about you. Anybody who's reached that level has long since sold their soul.

I think Trump cared. I think he cares. He cares for what? Because why would he do it? He had to cost so much money. Why would he care about, he doesn't even see you as a person. Yeah, but I feel like with this lawsuit, that winning it is important,

because it stops bad people. You're lawsuit? Yeah. Like I feel like, Yeah, what's I have to do with Trump? Because I think that people have, that's that probably everyone, if like probably a lot more people,

like I don't want to be cynical about it, but I think when people get, I think some people, and they get in a situation where they can help, they can help, and it will just cost them a little bit feel like an obligation to everybody to do so. There is even no way that's Donald Trump. Really?

No chance. You don't think that there's, like, why would he do it then? There's no benefit other than knowing that he, other than thinking that he helped people. Other than making billions of dollars dollars he's lost money on this hey, oh no, absolutely not. You're not. You're not. He's lost tons of money on this.

Absolutely not. He will make more money the rest of his life having been president of the United States. He's not going to be, he could last the White House doctor said he's in great shape. Best shape ever. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, safe ever. But he's got, no, not his personal document. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, he's, but he's was fine. All of his private, I guarantee you, he is worth much more than when he first went and off.

How much more could you be worth than $10 billion? He was never worth $10 billion. Oh, she has, he has properties all over the, okay, let's say a billion. Whatever, how much, well, I mean, what's the difference? I mean, if you think this is about money, it's money, power. I sure. It's, it's, there's no way it's about doing good. You don't think it's about helping people at all. Oh, I think it's crazy.

No, like I even, I think helping people. I think why? I think Obama thought he was helping people. How has he ever, when has he ever shown any inkling of doing that? Sean, he brought us the apprentice, which was a tremendous show and it brought a lot of people, a lot of joy. It actually did. He does. He has a history of giving money away. You have to, like he fixed a fucking woman ice rink, dude. You have to give money away. You have to. Like he fixed a fucking woman ice rink, dude.

You have to give money away. He did that for many years. He didn't get it. He fixed a woman ice rink. You can say that that was all for publicity, but the New York was fucking up that ice rinks and he fixed it. He came in and he fixed it.

You can't say that he didn't fix that. Great. But that's like an example of like he has in his mind, he saw that and said, I gotta, I gotta, and I got to intervene on this because they're fucking it up and the kids got to skate. The people have to skate because they skate

and they go home and they pound it out. The chicks are happy, they're ice skating and they get horny doing it. I've gotta do this for the man. I've gotta do this for the common man. I've got to do this for the common man I do not believe he's ever done anything for the common man. No, I got you cannot be that cynical about Trump. Oh Sure, I can't believe that. Oh, yeah Yeah, no way

Mon just money and power money and power. I don't know. Maybe I'm blind to. Money and power. Even the, I don't know. All right. I didn't know you thought that way about Trump. Oh yeah. I got to convince you other ones. I don't think so. Let's see. Kimball, Mac.

And that goes for just about anybody else in that position. But he's not a pilot. Like he came from just business. He could have just literally done nothing and woke up every day, getting sucked off by his supermodel wife, who's also like a bash, like who's, he, yeah, he could, yeah, he could have done that. Raising his fucking kid and shit posting on Twitter.

But there's a guy like that, I think a guy like that always wants more. Always wants more. But at But yeah. I don't know, man. Just no possible way to do it. Always wants more and believes that he could do it better. Well, isn't that good?

Isn't at least that, I could do it better. Like I could at least do this better. I don't mind that thought. The market's going to fucking crazy. Well, it just tanked the other day though. It tanked from 26,000. It's up like 25%. And I don't, I mean, it'll drop,

but it'll be up. It's in the fucking, these index funds are in the fucking stratosphere. Yeah. Don't give me that. Don't give me that. It is up. No, it's, it's, it's like it's up. It's up. It's up

You sound it's up. It'll be up and it's very Look at the long haul. That's that you can't over the long haul. Yeah, it is up 25 fucking per that is shit loads of money Yeah, you can't say that's not all him. Oh, what what? Why is that him? Because the entire market is driven by perception, perception of the generation of wealth. And his entire skill is being able to cultivate a perception of wealth. And that is what the market depends on. That is his skill. That is his, if there's one thing that he is dynamite at, it is marketing. He is a branding. He's a brand, yeah.

He's a, he's a brander. He's been a brander since the early 70s since he got control of the company. But this is the only, first thing that was changed the name of the company. This is the only purpose of the president. Is to generate a perception of American strength, American economic,

whatever goodness, I don't know how to say it. Yeah. That's any so good at that. Yeah. That's, that's important. I don't know if a lot of people are buying it though. The money, the fucking stock market says they are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It, yeah. It is, it is. What do you, what kind of, uh, all right. Uh, Kimball, Kimball showed the Maddox breakup letter to 80s girl to a bunch of high school girls. Oh. And recorded it. You want to watch that?

Yeah. I think let's watch that and maybe do some voicemails in the call it a day. Okay. So this is Kim, this is Maxwell the Silver Hammer showing girls the breakup video or the breakup letter and then getting their thoughts on it. And then just go ahead and give me a thought. You can read through it. If you want you can read it aloud.

We had a group of young women read. Yeah. There you go. You got it. This line that's caused out, do I still read that? Yes, that was how it was transcribed as this real-sweet present. It was written on a yellow pleaser like a lethal paper. Dear blood.

I'm sorry I didn't do a good job understanding you. I know that I can do better. I love you and I care more than anyone I know. I've heard that line before a lot. You're still the person I think of when I want to smile. You make me smile. Yeah, you made me a kinder, gentler, and more patient person. Even though I have work to do, I know what you need right now is space. So that's like really narcissistic of him. It's like, I have things to do, but like I'm gonna pretend like this is like a, like a me thing instead of you thing. You know, it's like a you thing.

So I'm going to give it to you. Wow. Fucking charitable. Which things could have been different. I hope things will be different. If they're not, I understand. I'll be heartbroken. Oh, that's just reeling in. I'll be heartbroken. I'll be heartbroken. But I'll understand. That is the most guilt-tripping as victim-living friendship that I've ever heard in my life. Oh my god. I told you I told girls would know. Yeah. Because I'm workout, but that's right. I just shut the fuck up. Oh my god. Okay. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you you don't deserve that you

were a good kind of sensitive person see this is where you like build up their ego so that you can like tear them down little by little blah blah wow I'm scared I don't like this. If things never work out between us, then at least I can say I tried my best. Oh, boo fucking booze. Oh, booze. This is my favorite French. At least I can say I tried my best. Damn. I tried my best to see also another guilt-tripping thing.

And in case they don't, then I just want to say thank you for being a part of my life. Oh, God. I'll always treasure the memories we had together. We've had more good times than bad. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You are my best friend. Okay, listen.

I hate this shit. I hate this shit because it's like they're writing you a breakup letter, but it's like they're breaking up with you. So obviously you're not the best thing they ever had. Like there's better things for them in the future. Like otherwise they wouldn't be fucking leaving you. You know what I'm saying? That should so annoying.

I should be just like studying. I've known you. I miss you and underline in all caps. I love you. She's for the important part of my life. And I love you. Thanks for being a part of my life. And I love you. Thanks for being a part of my life. Sincerely.

Trauma. Love. George. George. So long. So long. So long. So long.

Like a devil. I'm not even going to read it. I just, I'm triggered all over. Is that properly, is that a very triggering word? Is it mean? Is this mean? This is definitely mean to you. Max, well well I knew you were making me do something wrong. That mean for you is just...kiddle those cute girls. Yeah but then if I wrote something like this, which I will. Probably tonight, to every one of my friends.

And then you read it I'd be like damn I can't She can't want to use it What are your initial reactions to this letter? I've heard you say this a lot but it sounds like a soy boy or a new male or whatever the fuck you call it Yeah I'm gonna call this one It's so fake Do you think this letter's fake? No I don't think the letter's fake I think just like the shit that I've heard all of these lines a lot So I just...

I'll say I think the stuff he's saying is very hurt. It's fake. I don't know. I feel sad. I think I have depression. This is such a fucking soft boy. Like this is such like a guilt tripping letter. You know what I'm saying? Like it's there, like building this person up and being like it's not you.

It's me. Like it's not like a drilled thing of like like it's my fault and it's my fault. But then they have like little things like that. I have work to do and like I'll be heartbroken That's like those little stabs of like it is your fault and like be both in a way But we're not gonna say it kind of thing and that's it and so like demeaning and fucking just the worst It's literally the worst Yes Is anything like this one? You're a writer? Yes Is anything like this one?

Ahhhh Um, no Not a letter specifically There's still a week text, I guess Not that I know of, no I've received messages like this But I've never received like an actual like birth letter. It's something else ending things. I bet she's very good. How would you react

receiving this letter? If this letter was given to you. Well knowing me if it was like so when I'd been in a relationship with for a while I'd probably just be a sucker and believe it all because I'm that happy person. But reading it out like as an outside perspective it just looks kind of, I don't know. This poor guy I guess. Poor George. Now as a person I'd be fucking mad because I can see it through it, but like a year ago or two years ago like I would have definitely felt like it was my fault and that like it was like a huge like heartbreaking thing and that it was like for the best, but like now being older and wiser, like looking through the message, like I can kind of like see the like little nuances and stuff that's like put in there

to be like guilt trippy kind of thing. So now I would be fucking mad. Two years ago I would have cried for probably like five hours and it was my fault. I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm not a fan, not a fan. So yeah I definitely think that he was writing this letter to someone that was like vulnerable and he knew that.

What kind of person do you think wrote this letter? Someone probably really narcissistic, someone who loves themselves probably more than the person I love, or probably, they love themselves more than the person that they wrote this letter to. Wow. They're on best interests, but they still need to feel like people don't hate them. Like they do things that are worthy of making people hate them, but they can't stand the thought of someone hating them.

So they eloquently phrase this thing. Oh, real. She's bringing it with this last couple sentences. I said it before. A swaboy or a new male. A girl. Did he have a girl with this? A girl.

A sensitive girl. What do you think of it? Because it sounds kind of like... No, no, no, no. Yeah. Wasn't she the one who said George? Because it sounds kind of like Yeah, was it she the one who's like George sounds like something I would write Would someone write this to an ex that they claim the use of them. Oh, yeah. Oh Yeah, because Yeah, I was abused by the person that writing it to I don't think that they were but I think that they would definitely claim Because it's like it's like the way that writing it to. I don't think that they were, but I think that they would definitely claim. Because it's like,

it's like the way that they say things in the mirror. Fuck you, it's so like affectionate to the person, but like I've said like repeatedly, it's like you can see the little things where they like are like telling the person that it's their fault, but they like stay nice and they say calm, like they stay calm and they like say these like reaffirming things to them to like if this

letter was ever to be exposed or this letter was ever to like come out and like go against their like argument that they were like abuse then it would go in their direction their favor rather than the person that like maybe was actually suffering the mental abuse because then through that literally the exact situation is this the smartest girl in the world. Campbell you got to marry that girl. know are you it's the same one who was it you said it's like a red pill factory she's like a black pill factory except the fact that all none of these words I don't know this does kind of sound like a victim talking but hey man told you yeah, I know all they know is a mo all they know is this I know a lot of girls. I would do that

So you something that's a girl I wrote yeah, I could be a really sensitive wini boy This is a former New York Times best song off the wrote this letter. Wow, really. I wouldn't think that this looks like something like a high school would write. You know, your high school boyfriend like, I'm so sorry I miss you. Like, I'm gonna be a better person. Like, there's like no.

I don't believe that. This is that was true. This was written by a satirical author named Maddox. He has a former U.S. time. Or a New York Times best-selling book. So is this letter satirical or not? No, this is not. No, I'm not.

Okay, two. Double bit look out. No comment. I feel like someone that writes satirical works would look at this shit and realize how dumb it sounds. Like I can't look at this unironically. You know what I'm saying? No.

No. I can see it. Authors are full of themselves. Authors never want it like like Like knowing knowing that this is like a male author like someone who's like interested in like their own work and stuff like It makes sense to me. It really does because they're like full of themselves and you know eat their own ass Would you have sex with a fat ball or medium man? Damn Campbell is something else.

You're so mean. Parts of this and them. Amazingly enlightening. Fucking gobo. For the record, I would say no respectfully. Maybe balls. Probably not the other ones. Chubbos. Well, together you win?

No. I would like to go on the record and say no. How would you feel if you were ex-boyfriend and this current girlfriend, harassed your employers and attempted to get you fired? I'd be mad as shit. Two more minutes. Yeah, I'd be mad. The same person who wrote this letter currently did that too. The first thing wrote this letter too.

That's just pathetic to be honest. And his current girlfriend now has a restraining order against his ex-girlfriend. Holy shit. See, that's just someone that cares too fucking much. Uh, I would not be surprised. I don't know. My exes are special. Special.

Um, I'd be fucking pissed. I, I don't know. I would, I don't think I would stand for it at all. I would do whatever like counter intuitive like legal action I could take like a staining order against either one of them or I think that it's really inappropriate but I don't know if coming from the person that wrote this letter. I don't know if I would be surprised. If someone were to describe the writer of this letter as a cock would you agree? Yes. We're really excited.

Yes. Oh God, now he's showing them what Maddox looks like now. Jesus Christ, Kelly! You've got the next page if you tapped the next tab. That's the guy who wrote the letter. Wow. Okay. This is what Maddox looks like.

I'm going to turn it around for you guys. That makes so much sense. Like, white boy with like a go team in their life. Yeah. I love you, but I'm a little fucking kill your family and feel that I'm answering my texts. No, that's the, I love you. I have a very low self-esteem. Please stay with me because I literally can't tolerate being alone. Yeah, I see a crazy way of going.

Oh my God. Conclusion, it says. Kimbell's got a weird musical in his face. Yes, Maddox is a fucking cock. Fuck Maddox. Oh, very good. That's a wrap. Yeah. Thank you guys. Yeah. God damn, that one chick is smart as hell.

So, so there's going to be some new legal documents dropping tomorrow probably, or? Oh my, I cannot. First of all, I can't believe what a tremendous filmmaker and documentarian Kimmel is. That's his calling, I think. God, I love that guy so much. He's something else.

That was, there were parts of that that were amazingly enlightening. Yeah. Like, credit, give credit where credits do. There were some, there were some statements in there that were like, wow, like were you coached to say that? No. No, no, obviously not. No. Wow.

Let me see if, let me see if anybody... There are a couple observations that... Peach. Peach is in there. Chad, hey, Peach, you there. Hey, hello. Can you hear me? Hello.

Hey, you're coming to Portland, right? Hey, how are you? How are you? Yeah, I'm coming to Portland. Okay. Okay. Good. I was thinking you forgot about me again. No, I mean, did you hear what we just listened to? Yeah.

Kumbles sitting down, high school girls, and getting them to review Maddox's psychotic narcissists. Unreal. It's unreal how they phrase things too, and they're always dead right. Yeah, that one girl was really, she had some, she had some, having some wisdom and seeming like

some experience beyond her years, you know, where she knew people better than a lot of, she even acknowledged like a year ago she would have fallen for it, but now she sees how it was like, the building up and the cutting down, like I didn't even, I didn't think of that. Yeah. Well, it's like technique. fallen for it, but now she sees how like the building up and the cutting down, like, I didn't even think I didn't think of that.

Yeah. Well, it's like technique. Oh, sorry. Was that the girl with the side braid? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, she's really hot. And is she into chicks by any chance? And I asked, I asked this, no, there's a reason.

There's a reason. Why? One of my lesbian friends taught me a trick on how to identify if a woman is into other women. Yeah, her lips are moving. That's how. No. They're all you guys are bisexual. Every single woman is by, how would you not have evolved

to be bisexual, right, Sean? Well, it's, I mean, right? It's Well, it's, yeah. I mean, right? It's, it's like, why do we have thumbs if women are bisexual? Guy sprouted a thumb and then he started busting mother fuckers, left and right and laying them out. And it was just a bunch of thumbless fuck thing. You got knocked the fuck out by the guy with the weird finger. Holy shit, everybody fucked that.

We need a lot more weird fingered fucks here. And I have a million, one chick said, hey, you like fucking so much? Guess what? I like, how would you like two chicks? Then that chick became the entire human race. That's what we're sitting on, that one, the one girl who first mutated it out,

just like the thumb thing, one girl popped out and said, hey, me too. I like being another chick too. I was like, yeah, hey, me too. I like banging other chicks too. I was like, yeah, yeah, you. We got, we're gonna get a lot of you going, we're gonna get that gene replicated ASAP. See, that's the hashtag me too, too. That's the human race.

What's based on that? I'm sorry, Peach. I'm sorry. What have you got this, what were you saying about your lesbian friend? Jesus Christ. What I was just saying, what's funny you say about her lips

because she said that when a woman kind of smirk talks out the side of her mouth, that means she probably is more than likely into women. And I have used that and I have been right almost every single time. Smirk talks. How did you know you were right? Mm. You know, just talk. How did you know you were right? Mm.

You know, just, I just, you know, oh, bad connection, bad connection. Oh, oh, damn it. What have you got for us today? What did you want to say? Well, you said, hey, do you want to call in? I was like, all right. Have you listened to the album?

I did. I did. And I have a moment on there, so that's really exciting. Which song is it? Oh gosh, I think it's Dick on Bicycles. Oh yeah, yeah, it's a good one. Yeah, yeah. So if you wanna hear that special nugget, yeah, definitely by the album, it is so worth it.

I love it. I am so excited. I love it. They did an incredible job. Talking out the side of her mouth. That's how you tell if the chick's into, I hadn't heard that. Openly into other chicks.

Talking out the side of the mouth. Yeah, the side of the mouth. I mean, Ellen Page, Ellen DeGeneres, fucking Kristen Stewart or whatever the fuck, like, and you watch them and they fall on the sides on their mouth. Yes, yes, and it's always like in a smirky way. Always.

Oh, oh, wow. Talking about that. So yeah, you want to know if you're talking to a, yeah. So unless she's smoking a corn cob pipe, but if you want to know if she's into chicks, see she's not talking outside of her mouth. She's in her big embers. Whoa.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Whoa. This is the sound of their pussy slapping. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right. Yeah, there you go.

Check to the thing, I guess. So how did you have to, do you work on not talking out of the side of your mouth? That's a good that's a good fucking line. You walk up. Let me see you. Let me see you talk. Do you talk out the side of your mouth? What baby got the palsy or happy to see me? Oh, no, I think I think It's true though because I looked in the mirror and I also talk out of one side of my mouth, not so badly, but to a point, yeah. What are you saying, Peach?

What are you sort of into, I'm not saying anything. I'm saying exactly what I said. I talk out of that mouth. What if the person had a stroke? Oh, wow. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what everyone who has a stroke is into chess.

Okay. That's right. That's part of it. Part of it now. That's a good, hey, maybe did you just have a stroke or are you happy to eat pussy? Yeah. He blacked in pussy.

What's the story here? How you doing? I'm getting super for, yeah, millions of dollars. Yeah. All right. All right, well, so yeah, I guess I'll see you in Portland, huh? Yeah, do you want to sing a song together?

Over there. I would be delighted. What would you like to sing? I don't know. Let's pick one off the album or maybe we'll write? Over there. I would be delighted. What would you like to sing? I don't know. Let's pick one off the album, or maybe we'll write something before then. That would be fun. Sure. Yeah.

I've got something written for myself, but if you would either like to join me singing it, or, you know, we, yeah, let's, let's talk it over. We'll figure something out. Sure. Try not to get anybody kicked out this time. Oh, God. Try not to be so irresistible that we have to be take someone outside and beat the hell out of them for behaving inappropriately. I'll do my best. All right. I will have a great time. I can't

wait to see you. I know. Can't wait to see you. Okay. Have a great day. Hello, hello today. That's her. That's what beach says on your stream.. Okay. I'll see you later. Bye. So hello today. That's her. That's what Peach says on her stream. All right, I've got some presence. I gotta open that Kimble documentary has really fucked with my head. Yeah, I know.

I didn't expect to watch the whole thing. Me either. I was like, it's just, I put it on. It just keeps getting stuck. Yeah. Like 12 minutes long. Okay, Kimble, wait a fuck me over with a 12 minute video for a podcast. That's like an hour. Yeah, but the whole thing was good. Yeah. Like 12 minutes long, okay, Kimble. Wait, to fuck me over with a 12 minute video for a podcast, it's like an hour.

Yeah, but the whole thing was good. Yeah. No, I can't ask high medical questions. Yeah, I know, he's really good. Sure on the thing, what did he show them what Maddox looked like? It's like he really, see, he had the whole narrative crafted in his head. And he had the vision.

Kimble's has the same sickness as me. Yeah, I know that he does. He had the vision. Kimbles has the same sickness as me. Yeah, I know that he does. He had the vision. I really love everything that he does. Better than Michael Moore documentaries. Yeah, bowling for Columbine. Like I suck. What's Columbine?

We got a new one now. Okay, Columbine. Who gives a fuck? Have any newspapers written an article on how much money newspapers make when a school shooting happens? Because it's an atrocity that we can't stop or fit, it can't be fixed or stopped and they seem to make a shitload of money by endlessly promoting it and it only causes more of them.

Like statistically, copycat killings happen because of the, it is a thing. The glory it gets. And they seem, it seems to be a very important thing that they, that they constantly hammer that had happened and rake in ad revenue. Oh, yeah, it's, it's their business. Yeah. Uh, it's, it's, I'm starting to think that maybe that's maybe it's not the guns. Maybe it's the media. Maybe it's not the second amendment

It's the first one that's causing this problem. Take it away. You know what I'm saying, but they don't have to What's that they don't have to what if fucking if Maddox wins his lawsuit. That's the end of the first one. Oh, no it is It absolutely is America's done. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, if he wins any part of that if there's any yeah, then it's it's it's over It's over. There is no first amendment. The coverage on the shootings is making me sick though. Yeah. Well, the coverage tells you it's the guns

to distract from what they're doing, which is massively profiting on it. Well, they're massively. They're certainly making, they're certainly making, it's interesting. They're certainly making money. Sean ad revenue. No, no, no. And also they're going,'re certainly making there's certainly making it's interesting. They're certainly making money Sean ad revenue listen. No, no, I was also there and I was gonna say and and the copycat phenomenon that people who become copycats are these disillusioned disenfranchised

Younger people are real susceptible to that kind of shit. I mean the guy called in from encyclopedia Dramatic is saying one of their admins was like obsessed with school shootings and then he'd like endeavored to do on himself and get the next high score. Yeah. Because I was I was posting a joke tweet about it, you know, yeah, yeah, in poor taste on gab. Oh, yeah, excuse me. Yeah, right. Where where I'm the least of the worries on cap. Sure, I'm sure. But then I was scrolling on my Twitter and I saw a promoted tweet from like MSN news

about the school shooting and I thought, okay, what the fuck, you're now, you're paying to get me this information? So that's a pain spot, yeah. This is how, this is how Sikhti ROI is on the school shooting stuff. This is absolutely unacceptable that you're doing this because it's not news. It's not news. In no way is it news.

How the fuck is it news? Is what news? That a psycho acted psychotically today. Like it is not, the school shootings are not news on the same, on the level that they get promoted. It's just sensationalist trash that they get promoted the way they are and that is what it's,

Well, it's a fucking paid for. It's a promoted. Well, it's a severe thing that is absolutely newsworthy but it's not, because it happens, it's a severe thing that is absolutely newsworthy, but it, but, but it's not because it happens, it'll never not happen. Well, no, but it doesn't mean you don't report on what happened. But listen to what I'm saying is, but it's not just straight reporting anymore. And it's because everything is editorialized.

Look, look, every day, and they need to keep the kids die of starvation. Kids die of things that don't get the same clicks. Oh, no, look, every day, and they need to keep the day of starvation. Kids die of things that don't get the same clicks. Oh, no, true. School shootings get like for a short day. Kids are dying of starvation. Absolutely. They're getting beat to death by their parents. Yeah. But they found this one thing that they make ash loads of money on because exploit the fuck out of it. Well, and it's because it's and because the interest, people have interest in that too because it's such a severe sudden thing. It's not, it's not news. It's not, well, it is news. It's not, it's not, I don't think it is. How do you, how do you say it's not news? Because I feel like it's not like a news is just what is that? What does that even, what

does that even mean? Like, are you have to, you have to, you have to, you have to distort the definition of news to say that it's not news. I don't know, I don't think that it is. It's something that is newsworthy. It's just their events that happen that need to be reported on and the facts given. Okay, then why don't they sky who did this?

Then why don't they cover the aftermath? Like they only cover the deaths. That's why I know it's not news. They cover the aftermath. I don't think they do. I always follow these up. They why I know it's not news. They cover the aftermath. I don't think they do. I always follow these up. They do, but it's not as prevalent, and a lot of people are attention spans are so short

we'd on to the next thing, on to the next bam, bam, bam. I don't think it's news. I don't, I defy, like I think they don't understand what your definition of news is. Well, there is none. I mean, it's news because the news people are telling you, but it's like things that happen, but it's not at the same level of other things

that happen, I don't think. What is news? What's an example of news? Okay, everything, let's say everything is news. Like everything are events that happened. And it's the reach everything are events that happened. And it's, it's there, it's the reach of the thing that happened that, that, that should correlate with how much you hear about it, the coverage that you hear about, like the 405, they're going to shut

down the freeway. Everybody, this is news. They're going to shut down the freeway in two months to build a new freeway. This is news. Everybody's got to know about it. But see, but you know, as well as anybody that it's, that it's driven by ad revenue. So you're saying it's disproportionate and it's, that's reprehensible. That's entertainment. Ad revenue makes it entertainment. And that I'm saying that it can be both. Yeah, but that's that's the thing. It's not have to be binary. I'm comfortable with that. And it is a spectrum. Yeah. And I'm saying that the entertainment that MSN news and CNN is putting on about school shootings should be more upsetting than anything else they're trying to trick you that it's about.

So it always turns, I'm, look, I'm just saying it because it always turns, they're always coming after my guns. Yeah. I'm saying like, if you guys are, if you guys are coming after my guns, people should know that what you're doing is a sick form of entertainment. I come from not news, this is entertainment. I think it's news and it's being marketed as entertainment

and it is- Mostly. Yeah, no. Otherwise, I think it's both. I think it's both. I see that point and that's my point. I think what they're doing is reprehensible because they have a vested interest in keeping that kind of stuff hot

and keeping that news going because of the ad clicks. And the ad clicks are increasing it. Again, yeah, nobody's doing anything. Oh, potentially. Yeah, I mean, that's absolutely. If it's a guarantee, the more if it's something the more that gets promoted, there will be another one of these things.

There will be more. Yeah. If it's something the more that gets promoted, there will be another one of these things. There will be more. Yeah. Very well. I don't know like the studies on it, but it makes perfect sense. And I know that a copycat, I know that copycat crimes are a real phenomenon. Yeah.

That's all I know about it. But yeah, yeah. I don't know. It struck me the other day that this is like this is skating by as news, but this is salacious, this is entertainment. Like this is not news. It doesn't affect people. It's sexified.

It is. Yeah, it is. It is. All right, everybody, fuck. Even listening to the, how long have we been doing this? A couple of times. You've been listening to the Dix Show. Go to thedixhow.com, go to patreon.com slash the Dix show. How you feel about those

Girls reading that reacting to that letter Yeah, it's good. I saw a lot of agreement over there a lot of Feel vindicated. Yeah, okay good You're breaking any doors I'm gonna do that anymore. Cutting Christmas lights. Bonitis did a furry version of 80s girl. Oh really? That's what? I'll show you.

Oh, there. That's the story. She's a vixen. Yeah. And she's got a flame thrower. A flame thrower. Shit, that's cool. Yeah, to tear through the, I think that's the lawsuit.

Uh. Because it's all because of view. Um, and there's Christmas lights around. Playing through our, was it like a curling iron in there somewhere? Yeah, hold on, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put it in the, put it on the stream. That's pretty cool.

People can see it. Right there. Whoa, now you're talking double team. Put it right in the middle there. If you go to patreon.com slash the dick show, you can see the video that we talk about and watch all show, Kimbles videos on there. Upgrading my game a little bit so we can watch

in real time. It's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. There you go, Christmas lights around the flame thrower. We got the aerobics, pants. Can situation could be, you know, about 10 to 20 times larger, I think, but it's very wonderful. It's absolutely, it's very accurate, I think as well, very beautiful.

All right. This has been the DickShowDickShow.com. Thedickshow.com Patreon.com slash the DickShow. We'll see you in Portland. Go to lalsuit.com. If you want to read about the temporary emergency restraining order for the t-shirts that I'm a big show.com, patreon.com slash the dick show. We'll see you in Portland. Go to lalsuit.com. If you want to read about the temporary emergency restraining order for the t-shirts that I'm wearing in my own house

and take unbelievable pictures of with my assault shotgun. Thought that was a joke. My assault rifle. I thought that was a joke. Fucking shotgun. Yeah. Dude, Sean, it says in there, I mean, Nick goes, Nick goes through a point by point.

The whale thing, I thought was a joke. Instead, I'm wearing whale shirts. And he thinks that's the, you know. Oh yeah, unreal. It's in there, because this is a coded by threat. Yeah. I'm wearing a shirt that self-absorbed much.

Yeah. But that's what I was saying at the beginning of the show. Maybe, maybe it's not. And that's all, maybe King Cuck is not calling the shots. Because I'd he's stupid. We all know Maddox is stupid. As much as we liked his comedy, you look back on it and you realize that it's not that

he meant a lot of it. Like he thinks that that is how you should raise kids. And everybody laughed because they thought there's no way someone was like the perfect storm. Yeah, but he's like internalized whatever child abuse he experienced and like thinks that that was made him what he is. Which a lot of great comedians do. Right.

He is dumb, he is lazy, and he is very susceptible to attractive men. Attractive men can talk Maddox into, I would say anything. I think an attractive man could talk Maddox into fucking him up the ass. I would put money on that actually. I think an attractive man could seduce Maddox into gay sex acts.

That's not defamation, because there's nothing wrong with being gay. I'm just saying that I think that they could. I think an attractive man properly motivated could probably talk Maddox into a kiss or at least sucking him off. That's what I think. I'm just saying that as a gauge of what he could be convinced to do by an attractive man.

Yeah, there's anything in between there also falls into that, getting justice for himself for all these mean things. People saying, all right, I'm gonna play the piss track. Everybody likes this one. You ever heard this, have you, Sean? The piss track? I don't think so.

This is about you kind of, oh, there's an affirmative nod song too that is about you, the Waterboy Road. Oh, boy. The piss track is, they asked me to record just a simple line saying, Hey, Sean, I'm going to go take a piss, don't delete anything. And they were going to use that as a bumper for an entire song. Got it. It was like, OK, so I turned the mic on and I gave him a couple takes.

Uh-huh. But it ended up being like five minutes of me. Okay. You know, you know, I get distracted by trying to show off. So they just turned it into the entire song. Anyway, here it is. Right. See you next Tuesday.

Sean, I gotta take a piss. Don't... Don't delete anything. I know how much you like deleting. Don't delete anything. I know how much you like deleting Don't delete anything while I'm out While I'm out you see that delete button. Yeah, stay away from it. Yeah, it's lava I'm gonna do it all the delete buttons you've ever seen and ever will see our lava Sean listen to my voice

Follow my follow this watch Listen to my voice. Follow this watch. When you wake up, when I snap my fingers, you're going to believe that all delete buttons are lava. Don't delete anything while I'm taking a piss. It's going to be a quick piss. If I hear any delete, delete buttons, deleting, I'm going to run in here with a piss still shooting out of my cock and I'm gonna tackle you And you're gonna you're gonna get pissed all over you But I will get only splash back piss you'll have piss in your pants And no one will believe that you didn't piss your pants typical

But he gonna tell them that a you were on a podcast and a guy ran into the room with piss shooting out of his dick and tackled you He's gonna believe that that's how you got piss on your pants. I wouldn't believe that for a second. They're gonna arrest your ass. They're gonna delete your freedom. The whole album is like this. That track was cool. Not over yet. I didn't think so.

Because I have a feeling I did something. All right. Just minding my own business. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess the best what did they say the best album in the universe that come I think so yeah somebody got that to Here's Facebook news out of control. Hello dick and hello dick heads. Yes, it says the Facebook group news for the last couple days

Top story this week is Leah Clark whose boyfriend is hiding her birth control Dick heads astounded and confused at such a situation began to make their inquiries. We learn that we as boyfriend doesn't have a job and that she has no intention of breaking up with him after the incident. Max beard thinks her boyfriend is hiding her birth control because she might become a psycho when she's on them. However, she denies such mood changes exist, citing normal female anger. Next up is Mike Mendoza who hasn't busted a nut in almost two weeks. That is until he participated in an Interracial 3 some Saturday morning. Cool.

Mike was participating in a Reddit phenomenon known as nofap. Those who subscribed to nofap believe that an abstinence from masturbation can lead to more energy, more charisma and a clear mind. Brett congratulated Mike on being married for 11 days and as for the rest of the dickheads, they were split down the middle regarding their position on nofap but it looks like Mike here is a real winner last stories from Walmart West who published a poll using the Adam Nash character identification system and determining if Jamie was the one who broke Dick's toilet and of course if Dick were to take anyone's advice it would be from the valiant men and women of the Dixiel Facebook group.

Yeah. So Dick, the verdict is as follows. Six votes for N. 81 votes for Y. So yes, this has been the Dixiel Facebook group news for the last couple days. They think Jamie broke the toilet. So she was the one who brought it to your attention. Well, so far the trail leads to Keon.

Okay. Jamie has ratted out Diego. Yeah. Diego has ratted out Keon. Okay. I go on a system of rats, rats. Yeah. That's the only true way to get justice.

Yeah. You did this. They did. Okay. It's you until you point to somebody else. Yeah. I can do you. You don't want to be last.

Yeah. You've got to blame somebody as quickly as possible. That's how my system works as much chaos and terror as possible gets the funniest results. Um, no, have you ever heard of no fat, no masturbating? Well, I mean, aside from like the sign fell episode, yeah, these people do it. They have like a culture of no masturbating. Yeah, huh. Very strange. Yeah, that's really denying yourself on a life simple pleasures.

Yeah, I would have. I couldn't stop masturbating for two days. If the long, for a long time. You couldn't stop long enough to sign up for the forum. I couldn't even, you know what? Somebody, this is embarrassing. Somebody posted on the Dix show subreddit. Yeah.

Somebody posted a thing saying Dick caught masturbating on PKA, the podcast, painkiller already that I had to go on. That there's like hundreds of thousands of people watching it. Like, oh, would caught Dick masturbating on that podcast that he goes on. And I thought, when I saw it, I Like, oh, we got dick masturbating on that podcast that he goes on. And I thought, when I saw it, I thought, oh, fuck,

I probably was. Like, I thought, oh, no, man, did they catch me doing it? Like, did they catch some arm movement? Yeah. Because I was definitely the chances of me not having done it. And that shows like four hours long. Yeah. And it's nighttime.

It's masturbating time as far as I'm concerned. Okay. And then I clicked on it, it turned out to be a joke joke. I was just making a face like I was coming and it was over the top. And you're like, Oh, scared me there for a minute. Scared me. I thought they were going to have a gif of me like, obviously kind of cranking a little slap, a little bit of leather right under the table. Right. And that's the last thing I want people to know I was doing. Yeah. Uh, nothing I've ever done as bad as that. Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, Dick. This is Ash and Merrill from the Reddit. What's up, man? I just got finished listening to the Dick album. And which, by the way, is great. But at the end, I was listening to the voicemail calls and I heard flash bolts had switched from peeing over the waistband to through the fly.

And I actually have to call and make an apology about that too. I was an over the waistband there. Verde. May have made a Reddit post at some point calling people to pee through the fly to generate. You know, we all say things that we wish we could take back. But I mean, just to work, I was kind of surveying without looking at the pieces, of course. Just kind of surveying, which people were peeing through the fly and which were going over the waistband. You can usually just tell by listening for the belt jangle. But I think in general,

just from my guesses, is that the people that went through the fly make more money. It got to the point where I was just kind of embarrassed. So I was kind my belt and now I just always go to the fly now. Yeah, they have lives and girlfriends who talk on the side of their mouths. At least one pair of pants has this giant flap under the zipper, one-fives the zipper that I just can't get my ding dong through. That's not even me bragging about the size of my ding dong. It's just like they made a giant flap there that I have to assume whoever made the jeans pisses over the waistband and you know, fuck that guy right?

Some clothes are difficult. Yeah, there's needless material or design. That's funny. So he did a survey at work and the people who said through the fly made more money. So he thought, well, maybe I should just emulate people who make more money if I want to myself be successful. Well, don't you, isn't who make more money if I want to myself be successful. Well, don't you? Isn't that a good thing to do in general?

Yeah, because there's like things you don't understand. Maybe it has some kind of effect that you don't know, right? I don't know. I don't know. That's interesting. For me, it was always just a simple, logical thing. I have a zipper. Uh-huh.

And I have a dick. Right. Clearly, this is why they made this. That's, I never thought of that angle. They made a big survey of take a survey of like, take just different surveys. That's funny. Yeah. The money, amount of money. Um, yeah. Who's got a bisexual girlfriend? Yeah. Maybe that's in there. What kind of car you're driving. Yeah. Right. Yeah, maybe that's in there too. What kind of car are you driving? Yeah. Right. Yeah. How often do you feel like you had the last word and how often do you feel that sting of humiliating defeat in an argument and do you piss through your fly or over the waistband? Let's just see. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting data. I'm a

data head, Sean. I know. I don't know if you knew that. Yeah. I just like data. That's why I'm in so much trouble all the time. People don't like giving me their data. Right, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of gathering going on. You're inappropriate gathering. I need to see what you'll do in this situation. That's what I need.

Yeah. I'm trapped here. And I'm gonna experiment. That's what I do. Dick, I got one for you. How about this? My name is Ryan and every time I tell somebody my name They have to hear Brian no matter what it's always the beat. Where does the beat come from? How do you and then see it in R? I always have to say Ryan. Oh Brian. No Ryan Yeah, come on Listen a little bit harder. Do you hear that book?

No. Like if someone thought your name was Jack's or Jack's there. Come on. No, I've the worst somebody ever fucked up my name. I think this was at a fucking restaurant. I told them my real name. I told them my name. And they're like, they looked at me and goes, and she goes, Okay, jerk. You immediately answer. Like, why would my name, like I told her my, yeah, here you go, and she goes, okay, jerk. And she's like, who the fuck, have you ever heard of anyone named Jerk you kidding?

It's pretty funny. Why was somebody... That's really out there. I'm not like from another country where that would be possible. Just like a normal looking American person in America, in LA, I had like a table for at. Okay, Jerk? Yeah, okay.

Oh, it's Yeah, okay. Oh, it's not jerk. Was it a woman and could you have been in that place before Superdrunk and not remember it? No, okay. No, this was just like a normal restaurant. I've never been in there. I've never been there since.

I forget where it was. I remember being in it, but I forget where it was and what his restaurant was. And she's the look on her face. Jerk? Jerk? What? Yeah, yeah, you know what?

Let's go with it. Let's go with it. None of the letters are right. That's funny. I get ducks. Ducks too. Wow. I got ducks a couple times. Ducks. Ducks? Yeah, my name is multiple ducks. Ducks too. Wow. I got ducks a couple times.

Ducks. Ducks, eh? Yeah, my name is multiple ducks. Yeah. That's what, and what the fuck is wrong with you? Ducks, just say, excuse me, say it again. Don't guess ducks or jerk.

Yeah, guessing so badly. Guess a normal, just say like Bill, if you didn't hear it. That's a better guess than jerk. Yeah, guessing so badly. Guess a normal, just say like Bill, if you didn't hear it. That's a better guess than jerk. Say a monosyllabic name that you have heard before. Yeah. Oh, Don, close. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it makes me rage myself. Yeah. I hate myself. myself. Yeah. I hate myself. Yeah. I hate myself so much. If fucking I can't stand it. Oh, you mother. I hooked that wasn't his last call. Yeah. What have you ever made? Uh, now I'm just thinking about peach talking outside of her mouth. Yeah. What's that all about? It's good advice.

I know. Yeah, that's not girl talks about the side of her mouth, huh? What are you looking at her? Because she was like, she's half smiling. Which side of your mouth were you? Let's see, that smile. Yeah.

You're a perfect puppy. Ah. Whoa. What if Bluto was a chick? That's the reboot. Oh, that's the perfect pop-eye. Whoa. What if Bluto was a chick? That's the reboot. Oh, that's the reboot of the pop-eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pop-eye and Bluto is a big, big ol' lesbian and they're both trying to fuck all of oil.

Right. Who is, right? Yeah. That's gonna be the emo version of pop-eye. Pop-eye is gonna be a soy boy. It's gonna be the worst love object in the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie.

The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. The most popular theme of the movie. Yeah, I bet pop I could do that give him some spinach. Yeah Hey, dick. This is John D

it's my first time calling in and I have a rage for you and that is Periods on how women don't appreciate them like imagine having One time every single month where you get nature's perfect reminder where you have to confront the problem. Like if I was a chick I would put all my months of events during that one time of the month like laundry appointments with my bank. The dog. Uh, taking out the garbage, you know, like monthly. I'm like, thanks for the creation. It's not the garbage once.

What's up? Go find yourself. Why would you? Why? Why? I'm not following. There. I mean, it's.

Seven. Seven. It's a period. Yeah, super, super tongue in cheek. You know, all the things you hate to do when you're feeling the shittiest, I don't know. Go to the bank. Go to the bank, yeah. I saved that up.

I'm saving that for period day. Yeah, yeah. And pencil that in. Wash the dog. Do you say wash or walk the dog? I thought he said walk the dog. Yeah, maybe he meant walk the dog yeah maybe he meant all the yeah all the things that i would they do that though i don't know

take out the trash once a month yeah couple more hey guys i'm catching up on the show and i'm just listening to f3 7 we've been talking about fucking bullshit role playing during interviews even make fucking doctors do that shit there is part part of the board examination f-87 we're talking about fucking bullshit role playing for interviews mhm even make a fucking doctors do that shit there is part part of the board examination you have to have fake patients come in and present to you but they're not gonna tell you accurate information which you do and say the exact right fucking things they want

so through this fucking thing i end up quote-quote failing unquote failing at the domestic abuse situation where the woman just wouldn't confide in me and wouldn't tell me exactly what happened because I wasn't trustworthy. So I get all fucking pissed off. A couple of years later, I'm in a real fucking world in the ER.

And a woman comes in with a big ass bruising her fucking face. And within five fucking minutes, she tells me that her, she's got a bunch of her in the face. So fuck those fake ass things. They are humanizing just like Damien said. And they're inaccurate and it's fucking retarded. And that's a clinical diagnosis. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's a doctor. Yeah. Can you imagine that? You're trying to be a doctor, you know? I like help people. And part of being able to do this

is you have to sit there and a woman pretends, pretends. Like she's getting domestically violenceed and is judging you on your ability on your pretend ability in a pretend situation to get her to talk about her imaginary husband, who beat her. Can you fucking imagine how annoying that would be? Some stupid,

stupid, with holding this information from you, just to lord it over you, you're not an executive. You're not a fucking social worker. Like it's taking out all of every time. They can't help you if you don't give the information. It's, yeah.

Yes. Yeah. Let's start there. But just the audacity of the woman whose role playing, you just sitting there, you're not being sensitive enough. Oh, you're not trustworthy enough. Like walk into traffic. You stupid, you stupid asshole.

What are you doing with your, what are you doing with your fucking life that you, it's just us two in the room. Just sign the form. Sign the form and let us both get on with our lives. You piece of shit. The fact that these things exist, that these, you know,

that's the root of the problem. People think this is a good idea to do. We've got a great fun day for you today. You're going to go deal with a woman who has an imaginary abusive husband. Really fucking fantastic. Am I going to learn about like, how do I identify cancers? Or, hard cell lymphomas or anything

to read an X-ray or anything like that or maybe just look at a real person. Maybe I'll go outside and find a homeless person and see if I could give them any tips on how to maybe see if I could see anything wrong with them. No, it's really important that you go deal with this woman with a pretend an imaginary abusive boyfriend And she's gonna stretch it out. Oh, yeah, she's gonna really make a meal of it a feast of this God damn it Hey, Dick, I just I just called you about something completely irrelevant completely irrelevant from a career level rip The one time I sent you a lesson of voice mail about how bad I don't like yawning and you copy my voice mail into the show as your own

Your own rage. So. Oh, so he's mad. He wants, uh, you did that. I mean, if I had done that, I can't imagine why. I'm still seeing you come to, uh, uh, you, see, my voice mail rage. So thanks a lot. Bye.

Oh, that's, I fucked them over. Uh, I searched the voicemails for his phone number to see if, see the one that he's talking about. I brought that in as well. Oh, Cusie means of theft. Gotcha. No. I'm not going to say I did or didn't do it. I don't know. I listened to a lot of voice mails. Yeah. Subconscious plagiarism. This is the original. Today, my, it's not really a rage. It's just more of a mild annoyance. If people at work who tell you to stop yawning like playfully, like you're, it's fucking like, like 9 a.m. and you yon and they're like, hey, don't you start that. They fuck you dude. All right.

I'm fucking tired. It's bullshit ass in the morning. It's fucked off. It's time to yon, okay? I don't want the fuckers telling me not to yon anymore, okay? That's unfortunate. So yeah. I think mine was a little different.

Was it, I said, when you're out. Oh, yeah, yeah, not a work in the morning. No, totally different. Yeah, totally. I don't know what he's talking about. Well, we'll let everyone be the judge of the stole what right from whom. When Hey dick, I remember listening to the biggest this I got this in the mail. Hey, I remember listening to the biggest problem around episode nine as an excuse to improve my listening. I must say I never foresaw any of the bullshit of this crazy ride. Keep up to good work and podcasts. Just keeps getting better. I attached a few packs of magic, the social

justicing. If the whole Bitcoin thing doesn't work out these cards might have their value. This guy sent me some magic to gathering cards. Really. And it's really tempting me to go pick up some starter packs and play magic. So you actually know how to play that? Yeah. Yeah. I was big into magic in the, I was like 13, I think. I was, it was a ninth grade. Yeah. When the first magic came out and it was all the rage, I remember playing in arts class with a couple of the losers in there. Well, like this. The two one expressed played magic, right? He was big time into magic. I quit. I quit after the first expansion pack. I think it was.

I quit. I quit when I say age came out. I said, I can't. I'm not keep buying, buying these packs forever. I see this is a scam. It's not fun anymore. And it's continued this whole time. People still play this, right? Yeah. There's, of course, diehards and new. It's always going to be a percentage of kids who play that. So this is like sending me a little bit of crack in the mail. Really? Just, yeah, just a first one's free. Yeah, here you go.

Here's something that you got out of at the right time before you sent thousands of dollars into it. Damn. But it's fun. I probably will go pick up starter pack, get nice and tossed and play magic. He also sent me this Grand Canaria spoon. Grand Canaria, pretty cool. Oh, it looks cool.

I also got Thomas McCoy. Can you give me that mat sent in a mat from Facebook for the studio, a door mat. It says, it says hi hello on it. Okay. And it's got YNFK, YNF, YNFN, KYN, all over it, in the background. Oh, okay, now I get very hard on the background. Hi, hello, SpellDTryHELO. Yeah.

Facebook. Perfect. All right, hello, Spell, H-I-E-L-O. Yeah. Facebook. Perfect. Yeah, there you go. Alright, guys. Thank you. By the album, they want your reaction to Diglize. Okay.

Alright, alright, alright, I'll play it. I'll play it. This is Lecambra's song. Hello. No one is available to take your call. It's fucking cool already. Hey Dick, jerk McCot here. Listen, I know you got that core thing today, and sorry, I can't be there, but you're a smart guy. You'll be fine.

I just do what I told you, and remember, A, D, C. Always be pleading, good fit. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go do some legal thing. You're the blaze of the stars, believe me, just wanna go, you're the star that's down there. Jesus. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

All rise when your boy Judge Sean who presides, calling the case of 867-5309 Hashtag dick lies, it's time to decide If he ain't funny, he's a crime You may now be seated as we're about to begin To find out if it's a contestant If any wonka win defend a massacre So please, no drinking at court

Your honor, you have the floor Ugh... Ugh... Sorry, I'm late, guys. Some asshole parked his bike in my spot. Hello, everyone. My name's Sean. I'll be your legal engineer for today. Okay. Okay, what are we up to? What are we doing today? Okay. Calling the case of Mad Cuts, being Masterson, playing if you may call your first witness Welcome to the biggest court battle in the universe You know the court battle a wedis time which testimony is juicester so you can decide which testimony is just

I'm your plaintive mad cucks with me today is my deputy paralegal truck a cook alley and they testimony is brought you by Mad cucks versus existence out now and I tuned and Google Play. It's number one seller guy. Wait, wait, wait, stop. The plaintiff is reminded that this is a court room. Not some high school debate club. Baylif, escort the plaintiff outside. Oh, this is Deadpool, that's bullshit. This is Mr. Case, this, this part of the lawyers, delete these transcripts, Sean, at this absolute bullshit. Get your damn hands off. You can't take me out here, aren't you?

You know, I'm an American citizen. I am right. You forgot the bitch. You can't take me out here, man. You're honor or wait. I'm Mad Cux's public defender, and this is how I talk. I beg you to allow me a second chance to defend my client, for I just so happen to have here in my hands,

a sealed envelope containing my client's real testimony. And if the court will allow, I'd like a chance to deliver this testimony in full and prove once and for all that Dick Masterson is a liar. Hmm, I'm gonna allow this. You're rather represent to you was out of the debate and in this envelope is what I think but make no mistake. Dick said he was friend, but it was only to pretend remember when I said the show was never gonna And he never showed gratitude for any of the facts and it's a fact he never once gave thanks and he never showed signs

That he even took the time to read my brief 30,000 words show out line You're rather welcome I was just having a good authority the big survey Apologists I promise you the big lies is still has a unite. Have any more out of context clips do I need to find? He blames it all on me so that the podcast killer, but we all know he just did it for the fans and the skill. Wait, did he say he's not a copyright police copyright police? They're mine to release. All by.

Everybody has his feet. No time to waste. Be on the shuttle with the doubt. Make sure it stays. All by. No time to waste Beyond the shadow of the doubt Make your mistakes Over all my homies in the gallows All my players on the bench All my haters stay and shot Lady Justice is my bitch

Over all my life It's time It's time It's time It's time It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! It's time! I stayed out for days to write a script to explain Exactly how this big swing of dick is a line little trick With dick compatible values, that just make me sick I just wanted to see if I could possibly convince my ex to try a little polyamory Maybe see if she would like to go to fuck parties with me

Turned in her for two, went to a party at three And Jane don't like to flex her on the pizza But the big one is when she uses her hair Sexly unimaginable stress is causing me to obsess It's an attack step to text my ex to he dick is done nothing but cause me great pain with his never ending targeted harassment campaign buddies done much worse I got a new killer mug a little you can take my word for because I'm taking the high Production on this is great bad everything Crowds and the harmony is in the...

So cool. It's a great scene too. Dick isn't the wing my never-nation And he's got a pile of coke in his basement But you're round the roll of this and really just a setting But the crack I'm hitting on my ex Out of the wedding, she was my property And Dick allegedly took her home and gave me Terminal Trump syndrome Dick wasn't UCB because of me Dick has a podcast not because of me

He even has a girl into house on a hill And it's all thanks to me, how's that for irony So where's my thanks, how where's my gratitude? I get no acknowledgments Or even empty platitudes, I just want to be left alone I heal and it's all thanks to me how's that for irony? So where's my thanks? How where's my gratitude again? No acknowledgement sir even empty platitudes. I just want to be left alone All I get is attitude fuck dick and fuck the fans. I'm done Have a good day to the court. Big bow

God Your honor for the other side of the debate. Oh God. Your honor, the plaintiff is a huge pussy. The defense rests. Hmm. This guy is a pussy, isn't he? On the matter of Mad Cucks v. Master'son, I find the defendant, Dick, not guilty of being a liar. Order! Furthermore, I find the plaintiff, Mad Cux, guilty of being a huge pussy, and hereby sent in him to a million years in the cock shed

Slick him bro Fuckers good man. It's good. Is that a stereo slapping? I don't know. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Make no mistake, for me is the church And everybody's got home Picture God, God, God Us here, you All rise, it's time

It's time, it's time It's time, it's time It's time, it's time All rise, all rise, all rise You sit down, sit down, sit down You sit down, sit down All rise, all rise, all rise You sit down, sit down, sit down You sit down, sit down, sit down You sit down, sit down, sit down You sit down, sit down, sit down Oh, I'll ride the sands on the sands on the sands

With the band of ten miles Hey everybody, Jerk McCock, Dickshaw lawyer here The song you just heard was a work of fiction Any similarity to any person living dead or washed up was entirely coincidental. Wow. Oh, that was great. Yeah. That was great.

I think I've listened to the album four times now. Have you really? Yeah, I listened to it all day yesterday. That's a great track, man. All right, everybody. See you next Tuesday. See you later. everybody.

See you next Tuesday. See you later.