The Dick Show - Episode 94 - Dick on Doubling Down

Episode Date: March 20, 2018

Chick Jeopardy, Intersectional Engineering, Brad from Phone Losers gets raided by the FBI, replacing your credit card numbers, making the NRA friendlier, Peach has more issues with the bathroom, MyRoomRecords releases "Too Small of an Album", St. Patrick's Day, midnight miracle vomiting, Squatty-Potties, the mustard bet, an erotic forgery, "My First Sanctions", Maddox's newly filed and massively frivolous hissy-fit, and the show prepares to pass FIVE MILLION DOWNLOADS; all that and more this week on the Dick Show!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey to dig, you need Nick, you love Nick, you got it! See the only show where everything is a contest coming to you live, from a mountain bunker, deep in the heart of the city of failure, I am your host, Dick Masterson, the $20 million man with me as always a shoney on you engineer. Hello Dick. Hey you, what's up buddy, joining us today for this very, very disastrously hungover episode. The day after St. Patrick's Day, I don't know why we do this, is Peach Saliva. Hello today.

Hi, I don't know why I schedule this after St. Patrick's Day, especially at 11. That is just, that is psychotic. Not even at 12, like I could, I could have just pushed it back to 12. True. A lot of self-loathing going on. I don't wanna admit that, you know,

that I'm not quite functional. Yeah. I don't want to admit in a text, to Shavia text to Sean that I have, I don't have the control that I think I do. Well, you know, doesn't need to be said. Yeah, it does need to be said. You think?

Aggressively. Yes. I need to say it now while I'm in the state of this irreparable, unnotable, throughable hangover that I've got, God bless. God bless the two AM, throw up too. Yeah, that'll save you. Oh, man.

Get whatever left is a, that's the biggest solution in the universe. Did you like force yourself or it just happened? Just happened. Okay. It's like a gift from God. We woke up and I ran into the bathroom. God has abandoned me.

I was just spinning all night to spin, spin. I was like a fire hose as soon as I hit. It started before I even went down to my knees in front of the toilet. It started back like the old tank wars game. I was like angry birds. I had to angle it and hit the pig in the toilet. Was the lit up?

Yes, thank God. I started shooting it and then I did a, you know, I did the, I bent over to do it and I bent over so fast that the puke was going back into my, I was keeping up with the, my own throw up. Oh, boy. So there was like a sonic boom of throw up when I passed my own, yeah. Throw up and put it back into my throat.

You're like a plane that's so fast it could shoot itself down. Yeah. Yeah. But I did it. Nice. And I got it all in there. And then I thought to myself, oh, this is great.

I'm gonna feel like I escaped the hangman's news tomorrow for the show. You don't look brutally hung over. Sean, it's because the two AM throw up, thank God. Thank God. It's because yesterday was a disaster. Yeah. And it's all Diego's fault. Oh, it's Diego's fault for showing up. See, Diego's a different kind of drinker than me and coach. And, you know, by extension, everyone who comes with me was coach

involved in these fanatics. Coach was involved coach and i yeah coach and i um well first let me just say let me announce the the download numbers for the show i guess madcast media announced their download numbers so people wanted me to announce the download numbers of this show yeah which i will do um we are just shy 30,000 downloads, or so shy of five million downloads. Wow. It's a lot. So I think this week, we'll hit it. Libson did a weird thing where they changed

how downloads work. Like, they had a very lengthy explanation that I got absolutely nothing from. Like to be more, that I got absolutely nothing from, like to be more, it was some kind of advertising standard that they were trying to adhere to, but all I know is downloads dropped

and I don't understand what was changed. They said, if you have a long show, you're gonna suffer for it. Because people have to listen to it for more than a certain length of time and all of a sudden, I guess, but I don't know how they count it. I think that listen to it for more than a certain length of time and over to count as a job. I guess, but I don't know how they count it. Yeah.

I think that's how it is on YouTube now where you have to watch for a certain length of time, but no one quite knows what that's. Well, that's so they can get out of paying advertising, dog. Well, that's what I fucking, so well, duh. Yeah. Right. Oh, so this means I get less money if I were running ads. I don't, no wonder the explanation is so long.

Yeah. Because there's got it, because there's full of bullshit. Yeah, sure. And then again, they'll just force you to just give up on it. It's like, I guess they're fucking me. What am I going to do? Well, no, yeah, right. Sue them.

Yeah. 20 million dollars. Well, clearly that doesn't work. Hmm. Yeah. If the explanation is ever longer than two sentences, you're getting screwed. Yeah, you're getting it. That's how it works. It's better for you just to just accept that and move on.

Just know what, you know, you're never going to get the satisfaction of a straight answer. That's right. You're just going to get fuck, and I don't even, I don't even really care. It's just the dick measuring contest. Yeah, that matters to me. Oh, I know. And it's what it's doubly fucked is because like, well, first of all, none of the other stats dropped across the board. Other stats be website stats, website traffic, like the people on the Reddit and Facebook, nothing dropped. So you know, they changed.

Yeah, you know, you said, lives in change something and then they even keep track of their stats differently. It's like after D day and before D day. Yeah. Like, well, let's kind of sucks. track of their stats differently. It's like after D-Day and before D-Day. Yeah. I'm like, well, let's kind of sucks. Now, it's like somebody invented a new measuring system and now my dick is only three quiglar's long.

Yeah. Well, three is less than what it used to be. Yeah. I don't care what the quiglar's are. Just don't keep it like, let me opt back in. I don't have ads. Let me opt back into the bigger dick measuring the bigger one. Yeah.

What a zero on it. Assholes. So we're about 5 million. Thank you all for listening, which is significantly more than somebody said, bad cast was at 3 million. I know one of those is bigger. I don't have a math. I didn't not get a math degree, but I know one of those is a lot bigger.

Yeah. It must be more engaging content, I guess. Well, and it's probably for that network that's probably counts both shows, I would imagine. Right? I mean, I don't know what's on there. Oh, Peach is here. Brad from phone losers is going to call in a bit. Oh, cool. He's got a very interesting and weird story. Yeah, you were you're teasing that last week I guess he ended up in court recently. He had a lawsuit of his own. It's going around and I think I think he lost for what? For like prank calls for felony prank calling. I didn't know that was a thing. I mean, I can imagine that's a thing if there's You know if you're calling Certain people or like if you're posing as a reporter. You mean? Yeah, I mean, that, you know, if you're calling certain people or certain, like if you're posing as a reporter, you mean?

Or, yeah, I mean, that's, you know, it's not even a felony apparently, right? And somebody said, is it is? Is he has a video saying it's criminal impersonation as an e-class felony? Yeah. If you're posing as an organization or a person to try and either get benefit or harm somebody.

Yeah. Is he says it is? Well, I don't know. I mean, I think Nick was saying it was a misdemeanor, right? But I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, but I like his he's version more Well, it's more severe so yeah, so he's probably right. Okay, right Excuse me He's calling in My room records is calling into oh cool. He's got an album. Jesus Christ. I'm fucking disaster Coach and I and everybody else the whole crew We went out to her most of beach yesterday for the St. Patrick's Day parade because coach and I were marching with the NRA

Oh, you know NRA March. It was well. I wasn't an NRA March. It was just a float. Oh, like it was a St. Patrick's Day parade with a bunch of fun St. Patrick's themed stuff. And then the NRA gets a float. Coach is obviously in the NRA and goes to the meetings and stuff over there. I've been to a couple meetings there at the VFW and also Gundo. That sounds right. Yeah, they're pretty fun. Yeah. Like they're, I think they're interesting, interesting cross section of people. Are you guys the youngest by like 30 years? No, there's a lot of, there's a lot of people like us, like just like random, random young people at the NRA who I don't know if they're veterans, they don't seem like veterans, but I don't know what a veteran really looks like other than the caricature I have in my head of like a guy from

Renon Stimpy, the drill sergeant from Renon Stimpy that would scream at people all the time. Okay, right. But I love the meetings because there's always, there's always like homemade propaganda at the front. Like dudes will print out their own all impact font, like, you know, the slogans are a little wordy. I'm not knocking them, it is, it is funny to me. So we, we do this in our A March. And it's like, first of all, coach was a little bit upset at me because I brought the no step on snack flag.

Coach says to me, well, you need a, you need a flag. I'm bringing an America flag. I march around like Captain America and wave the flag. You should have a flag. And you know, step on snack flag. I'm bringing an America flag. I march around like Captain America and wave the flag. You should have a flag. And you want to know step on snack flag. Made a mockery. Well, that's what he said. What coach was trying to do.

Oh no, I understand where he's going. That's like, no, I mean, it's funny. It is funny. It's fucking hilarious. It is funny. But I know how he is. Yeah, he was instantly regretted it. He's like, oh, yeah.

It's, he's like, it's kind of a mockery. No, I mean, I don't know. Isn't marching in a parade kind of a, how serious can we take this? Like I think that's part of the, and actually doing it, having done it, I think that was a big part of the problem is the seriousness that some of these dudes will take this.

Yeah, like, you know, we need know, we need to lighten this up. People are, they've got a, the NRA has a convertible and they've got a character called Eddie the Eagle who's like a mascot, like a furry suit of an eagle that rides in the back of the convertible and kids because they see a character, are like, you know, what know what a local parade is? It's like Joe Deplummer.

Yeah. And it's just, I don't even, I still don't understand it. It's local businesses getting in their car and just driving down the street and waving to them. He was like, why are people coming out to see this? Right? Kids are running up on masks, like one of the Beatles is in this convertible

that treating Eddie the eagle, like he's a famous rock star. Like, oh, it's Eddie, let's touch the eagle, right? Put the parents and all the parents, they see on the car, the other car, they put a piece out and tell them to get back. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah, he sounds a bit. Cup got the cutesy mascot. And now free guns. Yeah, not too many boo cup at the cutesy mascot and a lot of free guns. Yeah, not too many booze though. Yeah, well less than I thought there was. Yeah, yeah, because you think there'd be a lot of booze. Boo go home. So the kids see like the kids just see random dads booing a cartoon character. Yeah, they don't understand.

It's like, why is that guy booing this cool eagle? Yeah, it's just like it's a cute costume. Yeah, and then you got me and coach with the step on, but here's the thing. I'm walking around with the step on snack flag. Right. And the young people are making, I hear and make in comments about it.

Like, I got a step on snack. That's great. It's great to see, great to see. Meanwhile, the NRA guys, God bless them. They look, they look like the Bears guys from SNL like it's it's Coach lives in a high tech area. Yeah down in El Segundo. So it's it's predominantly Asian You know a lot of Asians down there. So it's like an Asian version of the Dabair's guys with thick thick shades Big moustaches and codes,

I kind of like stomping around behind this. It looks, you know, it doesn't look very welcoming. I'm saying, it's the point. So we tried to keep, coach and I tried to add a little fun to it, little flair, little flair to the NRA. Yeah, at this time, at this delicate time in our nation's history. Yeah, it was so cute watching you like Vince McMahoning it like down the street.

Yeah, it was fun. It was fun to have, um, to try to lighten up the mood a little bit. Yeah, the political climate is, is, is thick with tension these days. Well, Diego gets, we go out drinking backwards. Yeah, it is Diego's fault. We got a drink and Randy find Randy somehow Hollywood's his way, Hollywood's his way into a private area that I don't know how we got into.

And Diego shows up, Diego shows up when I know I need to go home. Yeah, I got my guy, I need to get out of here. Then Diego walks in like, God damn it. Fuck, he brings his cousin. These guys are young, amped up, they're ready to booze. Right, we've been drinking all day. Yeah.

And we know what time is it now? It's like, it's about seven booze, right? We've been drinking all day. And we know a lot. What time is it now? It's like, it's about seven. Oh, probably six or seven. Gotcha. I'm tossed. Coaches tossed. They walk in and coaches first comment

to Diego's cousin is, are you a DACA recipient? Right off the bat, this was like, okay. You're a second amendment guy. You're a toast. Yeah. You need to get out of here, but you know, you can't, you just can't, they bring that new life into the drink

and you can't, all of a sudden, Irish car bombs are coming out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when the real bad decisions are made when you've been drinking all day, somebody new shows up in, in Jack's life into the party. Yeah. And then you start drinking like, girly drinks.

You start drinking a bare street. Yeah, and it's, this is a problem. Which is a big fucking mistake. Yeah. And it really fucked us over. And I kept leaning on 80s girl and whispering, I gotta, I gotta, are you ready to go?

I gotta go. I gotta go. I know these words mean nothing, but I need, I need help. I need to, please, please, give me out of this. Give me the fuck out of here. I can't say no to Diego.

These young guys are tearing us apart. Yeah. And anyway, that's where we are today. It's a good time though. Well, you're both upright, that's good. Peach was the only red head in the whole town. No shit, fucking, but no, there was one guy. There was one guy and I went up to him

and I just shook his hand. I said, stay strong out there. Use your SPF above 30. 30 plus. It was hard. It was sunny. So I had to be in the shade and then poor 80s girls like, I'm cold.

So she's like standing in the sun and I'm in the shade. Like a golem was awful. Oh my, my, my. All right, I'll tell you what makes me rage this week. Couple things. I've got locked out of Twitter again. I don't know if you knew that. Sean, I got a week long suspension for... Wait, I didn't know you were on Twitter. I was back on. You got back on?

You were back off, yeah. Well, how did you get back on? I don't know. I just, I kept trying to create accounts until it finally let me on. Really? Yeah. How different did you have to go? I did. I almost got a burner phone just like a drug dealer just to do this, but I finally just went on like an incognito after a month or something and let me back on. I didn't know that. I was in an argument with Tim Poole and his brother apparently. Tim Poole the quote unquote journalist, you know, I've had a problem with him and everyone knows I've had a problem with him in the past. He's telling me how the lawsuit isn't important because I don't

have enough followers and that it's not the kind of hard hitting journalism that he likes to do, like his visit to the the penis museum. Yeah. And his, his intent. Yeah, he went to the penis museum. And that's more important than a, well, that's in I'm. That's dangerous. Yeah. It was dangerous because just being there, he might get, he might somehow be drawn to start jamming them in his mouth. That was, I think, was dangerous about it. I'm, frees, but my free speech lawsuit is not, is not important enough to be covered. Yeah, sure.

This is journalism today. No, it is. Blate, blate, it is. It needs to be clickable. Yeah. Not even is the story interesting to you at all That's important. You could be sued and shut down and are being shut down by from joking on the internet as a journalist This isn't important to you that a company could just sue you into shutting you down That's not fucking important. No because it hasn't happened to him. No, because you don't have enough followers. Yeah

Yeah, did he say that? Yes. He said that on Twitter. Yes. He's like, oh, it's, well, you don't have, you specifically. You don't have enough followers. Like, you gotta be fucking shitting me. This is the, this is out loud.

You can say this is a journalist. This is the world we live in. Then his fucking brother joins in, joins in on the arguing. Mm-hmm. Which is fun. Sure. I love, take on a family. Which is fun. Sure. I love take on a family. Yeah, bring the fam's brother jumps in there and says,

oh, you know what, also, you're, also, you're, you don't even have to follow us. And all your Patreon, and your Patreon's fake. It's like, okay. Oh, Jesus Christ. This shit again, I'll tell you what. What, why would you even, why would you even pull that? I don't know.

I can assure you the Patreon is very, very real. You know what, I feel like a chick who has big natural cans and she's constantly getting all of their fake. Hello. Constantly. So I finally, I understand it. It's very aggravating. Can you imagine the fucking gall it takes to,

you have no idea what's real and what's not. Like, why the fuck would you even think you would know? Do you even, do you ever listen to yourself? Yeah, do you ever listen to yourself? What a fucking idiot. So I got a shortcut for this type of scenario, right? And I'm doing it more. I try to remember to do it more

because I'm tired of arguing. I know. Because our, first of all, arguing is not safe for women. I'm not allowed on the internet because I argue too much. Because I told CNN, Nukem, Nukem, the bastards about their fucking coverage of something,

and that's me trying to silence someone's voice according to Twitter. CNN. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's too funny. You're gone, buddy. You can't have you going after CNN anyway.

So how long are you locked out? Seven days. Seven days. I'll be out, I'll be out right before we get the motion to dismiss in front of a judge in New York, which I got more on that in a bit. But so I says to, says to the guy, Tim Pohl's brother, look, I don't care why you think they're fake.

I don't care in what research you have, I don't give a shit. I'll bet you a month of the Patreon that they're not. There you go. There, end of story. And that's when the dance, that's when the dance began. You know, that's when the politicians dance began

because every single fucking person has that in them to just start whizzling around. Oh, well, you know, how many are you saying aren't fake? Motherfucker, you said fake. Put your fucking money where your mouth is. Right. Or shut the fuck up. Or shut the fuck up. If it's not yes, take the bet, it's no, I'm sorry. No, no, you know what? So used to this estrogen soaked, soy based world. I'm so used to having to communicate with, salt with via sarcasm and run this weird PR campaign

campaign of civility. I'm so used to putting all my thoughts into the form of a memo, this Orwellian pussy speak that everybody has adopted on the internet because we've been trained to be afraid of confrontations which we fucking shouldn't be. I'm sorry I let that soak into my brain and I forgot that there is actually a wrong or right to something. And it's right fucking in front of you. Uh huh.

Oh, it's a great equalizer. Oh, there's this, there's, oh yeah, you want a bet? Yeah. You want to fucking put some money on it? Or you're just talking to hear yourself talk. Yeah, that. And the answer wasn't just, it just, these guys constantly running their mouths

without backing it up. You can't, you know what, maybe that betting shit, maybe that is somehow some form of violence now. Yeah, probably. I don't know, certainly in aggression. Yeah, it's aggressive. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I just wanted a phony lol here all day. Right.

And bring up things that might be true. I asked a question. I phrased it in an inoffensive way. And here you go trying to make it one or the other because it's you we're talking about. So aggravating, maybe. The mindset of the non of the person who won't take a bet and doesn't have the sense of the person who won't take a bet and doesn't, doesn't have the sense of

sell a self awareness to see that not taking a bet means, means, means more than just this conversation. It means something about you, the man, right? And doesn't say, well, you know, maybe I overstated that. I don't really know. I don't know. Sorry. Yeah. I don't know. Sorry. Fucking aggravating. Yeah, anyway. So the court, we get a court date, right? Yeah. I'm not saying that.

I feel kind of weird about talking about the court date. Yeah. I was talking to Mysterios about it. And he thought that we should have some kind of like notice to not go to court or not fuck around in court. But I'm like, you know, there's, there's like, there's so many people impersonating each other and doing shit for the lulls. Like it's best not to, it's best not to try to get in front of the crazy. Okay.

Right? Yeah, just deal with that. I don't know. If a guy, if two, if guys showing up in giant penis costumes are going to wreck the case for me, then I don't, then I don't know what to say. Are you going to have someone there who's going to draw what's happening? I like, get call of the deep in there. Just like, do you like a courtroom?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the ones that go to the, there will be a transcript. Yeah, yeah, but should there be someone drawing what's happening? I don't want to say there should be. I want it dismissed. That's the whole point. The whole point of everything is I want it. I want it from I want it thrown the fuck out.

Of course, not just for me as it should be, but for stereosis as well. And I don't want that fucked with. That's that's that said. I would yeah, I like I would like a drawing of what's what's to. Yeah. I would love to be a fly in the wall. I can't wait to read the transcript. I'll put it that way.

I think esterios and I are going in on the same day. I think it's March 27. So you're you're going to New York? No, the attorneys go and they orally, they argue the case for it to be dismissed. Okay. Or not. Although all the thousands of dollars, yeah, is worth culminating in this. It's culminating in this. Yes, the 200, 300 pages

50, 70, 100,000 dollars of legal research that have gone into this on both sides. I'll give you a 10 to one low and brow boots it in court. Barcs all over. Yeah. It's all coming down to this, an argument, a debate. It's all coming down to the biggest, this is gonna be the best debate in the universe, this courtroom case on the 27th.

Yeah, so please don't screw us over. That's all I'm saying. But if you're a bad guy, I know you will anyway. So what's to stop? You can't stop anybody. Sean, we've got maybe Heather S will show up. Maybe someone posing as Heather S will show up. Yeah, I don't know. I hope I hope it's a very straightforward affair and that there's no fuckery. That's all I'm saying. Well, there be a ruling

on that day. Yeah. It's either when it's it's either getting dismissed or it's going forward. And if it goes if it goes forward, it is going to cost a billion fucking dollars. Yeah. And it will never end. As I understand it, there's, once it passes the motion to dismiss, if it doesn't go my way, then it goes into discovery and depositions unbelievable. And people get brought in to talk about that. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to talk about that.

That, yeah, I don't know. I don't know, I don't wanna look past it. I don't wanna look past it in either direction because it's too fucking big. Yeah, it's too fucking big and it's gotta get thrown out, that's it. Because if it doesn't get thrown out, it's so big that I cannot imagine my state of mind if it goes through.

I know, I know. I don't, like, I will, it will change my brain chemistry forever. So I can't even begin to, I can't even begin to, it'll change my hypothesize. I don't know. It will change mine. So I can't even imagine what it would do to you. Now, it'll be fucked. Yeah. So please, please, please, I hope it goes. I hope it gets tossed out as it should.

I mean, it's just, it's, it's so fucking assing I, I can't see it going any other way, but you never, that's as they, you know, they say that's why they play the games. Yeah. I tell you, well, it makes me rage this week, updating your changing your credit card number. Oh. Yeah, I tell you what else makes me rage this week? Updating your, changing your credit card number. Oh! What a fucking pain in the ass.

I left my credit card in Portland after paying for Keyon's 10 waffles that he didn't eat at the ink and bread. Oh! Why didn't you just tell me? Because... You were still there? I was still there and plus I go to that cafe all the time.

My best friend lives literally a block away. Well, I left my credit card there, so I had to get a new one. Sean, the number of places, the number of places you have your credit card, well, shocks me every time that I've got to go through and update. Yeah. One thing failing after the other. Just spend a whole day doing it. Well, I know what I'm doing today updating all my God damn credit card numbers because I'm stupid and left my credit card somewhere. Uber doesn't work.

Wonder why that is fail, fail, fail. Yeah, that's a pain in the ass. It's a big pain in the ass. Have you ever heard of churning? Churning? Yeah. Have you ever heard of that? Credit card churning? Butter.

Okay, so it's when you get these... So no. No, it's when you get new credit cards that have offers of free, frequent flyer miles. Oh. Like in the first, if you spend the first X amount of money, you get like 50,000 free miles on the credit card. So you get that card and get the miles and then you get another card. Okay. And you just do it. Dude, you get free flights. I guess you keep whipping

it up. Yeah, free flights to Hawaii. Yeah. Awesome. Last year, free flights to me. I mean, I don't want her to think of them as free flights. Yeah. But this is you did, and it's like it's not illegal. It's costing someone. It's not illegal, but it's such a pain in the ass to go through and change all your number everywhere that people don't do it, but I don't do it. God damn nightmare.

All right, Peach, it'll make you a rage. I just thought of it right now, but you know what makes me a rage is your spicy brown mustard. Oh yeah. Yeah. Peach, Peach, is that a euphemism? Yeah. Peach thinks she can drink more mustard than me. I know. I know. I know I can. Peach's thing is drinking mustard. Didn't know if we were, it's like a 19 year old fret show now.

That's anytime. I don't know why this came up. We were talking on Twitter and Pete just asserted that she could drink more mustard. How do you know that's not what happened? What happened? I started it. You did.

I think I was mining my own business with some people. You never do. What happened? I can't remember exactly. I was talking about chugging mustard and you were like, and I was like, you know I can chug more. And you were like, I was like, bitch.

Yeah, you know, whatever. And then I come in here expecting just like, I open your fridge, expecting hines, franches, normal, yellow mustard. And all I see is like a full, hardly used spicy brown mustard and it was revolting. Like goldens? Yeah.

What do you mean? What's revolting about that? It's gross. It doesn't taste good. It's spicy and it's not yellow. You like the cheap shit mustard? I like hines and fronches. Like an American.

The hot dog. Kids yellow mustard. I like the grainy mustard as well, like the mustard CD one. That one's good too. I just don't like it. I don't like the brown spicy one. I don't like it. So you like normal yellow mustard.

I'll get some normal yellow mustard next time. And I will defeat you. I will chug more than you. And I can't do it. Why would you do this? Sean, you got to put your money where your mouth is. Yeah, but I mean, how much must I do that you can drink?

How would this conversation even start? I don't remember. I would go on Twitter to try to find where it was, but I've been locked out. In what, in one go? Yeah. How much mustard do you think you could drink? Okay, you know those like round yellow tubs.

I don't, I don't know. Like a pint? A beer? I'd say, I'd say two. You could drink two pints of mustard? That depends. So that's a core of mustard. Do I have access to water? Sure.

To like, cause it gets like gunky. Do you think I could like do a quick rinse? Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Yeah. You just gotta drink it. Yeah, I, oh yeah, absolutely. I could drink two pints and a lot of. I know, I know I can.

I actually don't know, but I I absolutely 100% know that I can. So how are we gonna do this then? How are we gonna do today? I was wondering we could either do it today, but I think that's just like that. No, we're doing it in a road race. Yeah, we're gonna do it in a road race. I think I say we do it.

I don't wanna do this in my house. What happens to you if you drink a quart of mustard? If you do, from what I have looked up, the worst thing will happen is you'll get like a tummy ache because of the sodium. But I'm used to, all I eat is mustard and sodium and... Bisected, horotic. All you eat is mustard and sodium? Basically, yeah.

Why? So this is really weird and no one will believe you. It's already really weird. I know. I know So I have extremely low blood pressure. I as I told you I've been fainting a lot recently Did you when you fell down upstate? Is that a partial faint? Well, Pete's told me about that But then I'm sitting on the computer upstairs and she gets up to I don't know go to the bathroom or something and just fought like falls over.

Oh. And I thought, like, I've done it like three times already. It's so worth. So what the hell is, what the hell was that? Like it was too weird for me to even be concerned about. Yeah, you weren't concerned at all. Because it was so condomated. I thought it was a question.

I thought you did it. I still kind of think you did it on purpose. No, I didn't do it on purpose. No. What is going on with you? I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm accident prone. I spill everything. As I said earlier, everything I touch is turns to dust. If I'm near something electronic, it doesn't work. But Peach, you just like tumbled. Yes. Like you're just like got the strings cut out of your legs. Yeah, I crumple. I have a, I have a, I have a deception in my, um, so that makes your legs not work so good. Well, blood pressure. Yeah, my, when I, when I see that, when I stand up, I feel, um,

the blood drain from my face and just everything kind of goes, and sometimes I can catch myself a bit. So many, every, every woman you meet has all of the medical problems. All the, every, every single woman, woman, 10zillion things wrong with her. Well anyway, my doctor actually told me- That's how they make everything about themselves. That's just their personal- Yeah, no exactly, exactly. What is that?

My doctor told me to eat sodium because to increase my blood. Your doctor told you to eat mustard? He will know, he said, he's like, do you crave salt? It's like salty food. I actually do and he's like, okay, I don't normally tell people to do this But yeah as much salt as you want I was like okay So I do I eat a lot of chips and I dip a me I think you should get a second opinion if your doctors Don't need to eat chips and mussels

Yeah, I'm eating tax or just a giant salt lick like a dude. I wish no my doctor knows me He knows I eat really, really, really, really, healthily, so he's just like just increase your salt intake. Okay. I don't know, maybe I do need a second opinion, but. Yeah. Well, I mean, you're falling over, Peach.

Yeah, yeah. In the middle of the day, things aren't right. I mean, get that look there. We hadn't even had one drop to drink. No. A bit of a nightmare. Oh, well. So how are we doing this mustard thing?

What are you drinking it out of? We have a couple of options. We can just take whatever size of yellow tub thing that we want, just open it and then just go. I recommend that we have maybe. You say it, like it's gonna happen quickly. Yes, of course. It's like a slime though. Yeah, mustard

It goes slow. Yeah, it's like oil. Yeah, that's what I said. That's why we probably need like a bottle of water to like swish because it's probably gonna get gunky in there and then you should spoon feed yourself and be faster. That seems worse. I would do it. I would do it and maybe a spew bucket as well, just to be safe on the side. Just for safety reasons. Yeah, yeah. But how many, I like, how much mustard, like, what's the time limit? I don't know. One pint of mustard to get through. That's what I wanted to ask you. Do you want to do it fast or the most? She said two pints. I know I can do two. Yeah, but I don't want to,

I don't want to max you out, you know, because then it's, then it gets less exciting as it approaches the max that you could do. I think a pint of mustard is probably good. Oh, yeah. I think so. Do you want to go for a speed run? I think whoever completes the pint of mustard first is the winner. And what, what, what, you don't want to 10 waffle scenarios. What does the winner get? Exactly. Because it gets less exciting as you get into the fifth waffle. And what does the... What does the winner get? Well, you got to write a song about the other person.

Yeah. And sing it on there. Yeah, about how great the other person is. A good song. Yeah. About that person. Right. No, no, no, no, no.

I will not accept a song in which you berate me. I'm like, I don't, no, no, I will not accept a song in which you berate me. I'm like, I don't well, well, shout of bets. I don't find like weasley words to get out of, I know what the spirit of the bet is, and I honor the spirit of bets. Oh, okay. Don't accuse me of trying to be a weasel. Okay. Okay.

So Brown Mustard makes you rage. Yeah, it's disgusting and awful and it's wrong. Honey Mustard also. All right. Yeah, I agree with you. Honey Mustard sucks. It's awful. It's like be spicy and savory or don't.

Exactly. Yeah, and you know what? I don't like honey mustard. Sweetness. Stay the hell out of the savory snacks. Yes. Don't try to co-opt popular savory snacks and ruin them. Like you ruined kettle corn.

Popcorn. You know with popcorn, right? And then the caramel, right? And then they put it with the cheese ones, right? And then you pick it up and you're watching TV, you're doing other things, whatever. You pick it up and you put it in the mouth. Jerk it on, you know?

Soch and stuff. I have a chio it off, you know, touch your stuff. I haven't chial and popcorn, that's my Tuesday night. And you get that caramel, oh that's nice. And then there's like the salty cheese, and it's just savory, it's all kinds of wrong. Cheese and caramel, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying, they mix them up. Remember how they, dude, I'm full.

You remember Christmas how they would have those fried, they're separated, yeah, but they're not separated anymore, no. They're like, oh, well, you know, let's discuss everybody mows right through the cheese. So why don't we doop them into eating this shitty caramel popcorn by mixing them up? Yeah. Then it's like how they used to package DVDs.

You'd get the one you want and then the shit one that they couldn't get rid of. Who is that? Yeah, sometimes they used to do that. Yeah, they used to do like these bonus ones. They charge like an extra like two bucks for you get rid of. Who is that? Yeah, sometimes they used to do that. They used to do like these bonus ones, they charge like an extra like two bucks for you get. That's like Netflix.

Like you got, you get your good stuff, but then you have to support fucking landwale comedians too. You can't just, you can't, you know, well, I don't pay for Netflix, but if I did, you have to support everything. Yeah, that's the worst part. Thank you.

Oh, what else do I got here? You see that bridge that fell down? Yeah. It was engineered by all women. Bridge teams. Is that true? Did you know that? No, I think it's true.

I've read it a couple of places. Really? A couple of the female lead. Yeah. I think the bridge is X posted a picture of itself and its new girlfriend on Instagram. So that's what made the bridge collapse. All female, all female design team. Here's a quote from one of the project execs. I don't know. I don't know if it is true. I had not heard that. It's very, here's a quote from one of the project executives.

It's very important to me as a woman and an engineer to be able to promote that to my daughter because I think women have a different perspective. Like, like that. It's staying out is not the most important thing. We're able to put in an artistic touch and we're able to build too. Oh man, how about we start enforcing this and start realizing that when you have to put,

as a blank on something, you're a fucking idiot and that it's offensive to people who are just the thing that you're supposed to be doing. That's true. That's true. It's not as an engineer and as a woman, it's just an engineer. And if you think that the woman part adds a bit

of anything extra to it, then you fundamentally don't understand what you were. Yeah, it detracts. It detracts. Everything that is not the engineer part or whatever other job or function that it's supposed to be, is what you're supposed to be. Yeah, it is mitigating the thing. The judge, the engineer, the politician, the doctor, the cop.

It's not as this and as a blank and as a woman, no. It's like a musician, buddy, I'm, he always says he hates it when people go, oh yeah, well, you know, like he, he's self-taught. It's like, you know, and he's like, well, who gives a shit? Is he good or not? Yeah, can he play or can he not?

Yeah, but he's, well, you know, he's not as good as like, but he's totally self-taught. Well, so what? If you want to be in the big leagues, you're good or you're not. It's not in care. I don't care how you got there. The method of, the method of your mediocrity

is not important in this instance. You're either great at this or you're not. You're either an engineer or you're not. It's either a fucking bridge or it's a death trap. This goes back to there are right answers to things. Everything. I don't know about everything, but things like that, certainly, some things have a right answer.

Oh, a lot of things have a right answer. And this one definitely does. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Pete, you ever say as a streamer and as a woman? God, no. On your Twitch streams? No, absolutely not.

You know, it's it is, your Twitch streams are crazy because they are, they are completely non-sexual. Yes, I make. Which is so weird. After I've been watching a lot of Twitch, like I watched, I watched this chick on Twitch last night or two nights ago, whatever that was,

just painting her tits. Yeah. Sean, like painting her tits like comic book characters. And I was a huge My Free Cam's fan back in the day when I would get tossed and then come home and watch Eastern European girls strip on camera and talk awkwardly to a bunch of chatters for a couple cents. Right, right.

I remember you talking about this a few years ago. My free cams, that was where it was. That was the hot ticket. You'd ask them weird questions and you get like the puppy dog earcock, like, uh huh. I really love your nose. That's awkward.

That's a bit odd. I swear to God, I'm watching it again. Yeah. I'm watching this woman painting herself. She's just sitting there with a camera pointed directly down at her tits, painting a stick over and over and over on her tits. No, just painting a stick.

Oh, she's talking about this painting. The rest of her stream is her painting her body. Amazing artwork, amazing artwork, but still, this is what I'm watching. And peace somehow competes with that, without any overhead camera straight down the tissue. I make a point, like I think this might even be too sexy for my streams. I usually very, very baggy, sure, baggy.

I mean, I mean, yeah. Pants, like, sometimes no makeup, because I, because I always wanted it to be like, okay, if people, yeah. Pants, like sometimes no makeup because I, because I always wanted it to be like, okay, if people are going to watch me, I never want them to say, oh, she only gets views because of her tits, you know, I want it to be because what I'm doing. What if they had like a smarter,

sounding voice when they said that though, like a British guy? Oh, I only walked your forehead tits, my. No. Pipit. You don't want people to say that. As a woman, you don't want people to... No, as a person.

I just want people to like whatever the fuck I'm doing, I hope. Like an engineer. As a woman and an engineer, why is that part? Why the hell is that so important? Have you ever felt like, have you ever felt any way about what you were doing that your identity had to be a part of it? Like, well, as a straight man in an audio engineer. Well, no, but I'm a white man.

I really enjoy plugging the male connectors into the back of the console so hard that the console almost breaks up, you know? Well, as a man. Stufffully as a man. As an engineer, my favorite part is hammering the quarter inch plugs into the console, into the instrument. Let me see here.

You got an erotic story, am I a play song? For you? Let me find it. And then I gotta get Brad to call in. I do think the NRA needs a big revamp of what they're doing. A lot of those organizations could use some PR, two nubs. Yeah, just like more funny stuff,

more embracing the absurdity of the tropes. Like the kids were going nuts for that Eddie the Eagle thing. But I did get the hate, the mockery hate with that stupid snack flag. That would be cool, fun. Dick had gave to me and Philly. I got it. Mix it up a little bit. It is a mockery, but so what? It's good. You're getting mocked from thousands of different, millions of different people every day. Who spend a lot of time coming up with pretty funny, you know, ways to mock. Yeah, you gotta get out in front of it before them.

Like you gotta be making the guns are for overcompensating for small dicks joke first. Yeah. Not defending it. Yeah, own it. And definitely not not responding to it. Yeah. Yeah.

This is, keep su in my Weezer. I pan a kippy. You'll never be a better cock if you don't block and to a day waste my suho Waste my suho, forced into poly Into poly, just a thought of you A bigger page, you young

Uh... Makes me want to expose my dick, lies like a Actually, I've been thought of it yet, but you know, Take what I've never was A contest Please stop Exposing f*** Oh god, you're sweating

I'm sweating I'm clogged my pee-hole I'm clogged my pee-hole Just a thought of you With a bigger Patreon Oh, I'm happy. Oh, just a thought of you with a big, a Patreon. It makes me feel like I'm a huge fan of this. Do you know the original song of this? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm glad. Oh, great. All right. Thank you, Panic hippie. I got one from Siracha, excuse me. You want to hear it? My first sanctions? Yeah.

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you are sold outstanding. God, that was crazy. Outstanding new lawsuit shit. Yeah. Yeah. I for it. When did that come out? Uh, sometime it came out this week, right? Early in the week. Yeah. Yeah. Um, like Like, I wanna say like, excuse me. Tuesday or Wednesday. And so, so Maddox admitted to being Heather S. last week, right? And then because it's perjury and a crime, because it's perjury and also a crime,

but the perjury is important in court. Yes. Because it impacts that particular case. Yeah. And what I'm learning about lawyers, they are compelled to report crimes. Yes. And inaccuracies and factual misrepresentations that they know to be true. Like, their client says, like, I'm lying, they have to tell the court.

Because we're all, it's not a game. Like, it's not a, it's not supposed to be. No, they're supposed to be pursuing justice, right? And that's why they're enabled by the bar to do these things. Yeah, it's not a guy gets a defense in spite of whatever. Yeah, everybody's entitled to a defense. But if you did it and they know that you have to say, like, yeah, they did it. They get that. Which is why I think most of them don't ask if you're a defense. Exactly.

Yeah. Um, so, so green bird. So was stereosis lawyer who's very funny. Uh, a stereosis lawyer wrote Maddox's lawyer saying, Hey, your guy just confessed to committing perjury among other criminal things. and you owe it to the court, like just to make you aware of the ethical obligations that you have to the court, you have to report it, you have to remedy this situation. You know, these are big lawyer words, right?

You have to remedy this situation by telling the court and will give you five days to do it. So you can try to bring it in for a nice soft landing. Yeah. Think it over. You know, have a little bit to think, right? Yeah. Have a couple glasses of the thought thinking that Turkey Goblin.

Turkey Goblin. Yeah. Uh, polish that sapphire. Right. Get it going. Um, shine that moon. moon, or we will, or we'll tell the judge because it's a crime and it makes the case like a huge lie. Yeah, it's, it's, the judge is getting told.

Yeah, the judge is getting told. We're just going to, you know, out of kind of a professional courtesy, we're going to let you do it because we don't want you to have violated the ethical standards. Sure. Then that's like grounds for disparment or malpractice or all. Yeah.

This is the polite way of letting you know there's been a fuck up, but it's gotta be fixed, right? Yeah. And interlock is going on your career. So the Maddox's lawyer responds like flips out. Like a drunk man. Ow out like a drunk flips out That his response was spicy. I hate to say people I've written things drunk. I mean, you know We know what that looks like. Yeah. Yeah. That's just my my I'm just speculating, but that's like that's the email that you write and then delete

Oh, yeah, like this is way over the line You're out of order and it's it's like a drama like responding to Weber Weber-Shandwick and Greenberger both wrote them saying yeah, Maddox committed perjury in a crime You have you have five days to let the judge know um and Landau responds with this outrageous email

batch of them, lashing out. And he says, you've got 24 hours to recant this email. It's like, what the fuck does that mean? And give me money. Re-can't and eat, what the hell are you talking about, dude? Or he's gonna go to the judge and file sanctions because he's been threatened. It's like, bro.

You're not threatened. They just said what they intended to do by the panther. That Maddox found somebody exactly like him. It is incredible. But it's really not incredible because this is what these people do. I find each other. I was on Twitch when I got that email and said,

this is gonna be a blood bath. I didn't know it was gonna be submitted. I didn't know he was gonna go to court within 12 hours and file this motion for saying, it's just fucking, it's absolutely incredible. I don't know what to make of it. It's just like the, uh, it's just like the temporary restraining order thing.

Like the most extreme reaction possible. Mm-hmm. Uh, when this, when this is all over, I think Maddox and that guy, and Maddox and his lawyer are going to have a long fun. And you know what, you know what, Nick said that he found instances of Maddox's lawyers suing his clients afterwards for fees. Oh god.

So this lawsuit might get a lot funnier. Yeah. Well, yeah, clients probably is going to turn to like a Thunder dome of assholes. Typical clients he attracts are probably like, hey, fuck you. I'm not paying you. So yeah, he's not paying you because you made me admit a crime. Like some of the, some of the details that came out afterwards, like that, that affidavit, Maddox signed happened the day that the response was due.

Yeah. And then, and then that, that triggered email that land out, sent back, like where he's freaking out, flipping out. It happened immediately after, like very close to greenberger's first letter to him. So it seems like either he got out the medics on the phone immediately, or maybe that he didn't even review with his client, what he was like it's... Because it was the same day. It was the same day.

He was very angry. The email reads is very angry. Oh yeah. The hell of a development too. Let me see if I got Brad here from, from phone losers. Hey, Brad, are you there, man? Hey, Dick.

Hey, what's up, buddy? How you doing? Pretty good. Hey, Sean. Hey, Peach. It's been a long time. It's been a long time since we've talked, since we've heard anything from you.

Yeah, yeah, I've been laying low for a while. Yeah, you sent in Brad sent some, some prank calls for us. How should I, how should I set these up, man? You were calling people to inform them that they were getting sued, right? Yeah, yeah, just kind of, you know, being a, being a kind of a Maddox

and telling people I'm gonna sue them for, you know, ridiculous things. All the people who got laid out of the lawsuit. They're also getting, you know, because everybody related to me, to Mad Cux and Esterios and the, everyone's employers and friends, they're all got thrown in.

Maddix missed a couple. Yeah, I think it's a point. Yeah, this is, this is, he missed a lot. Yeah, he missed a lot. So here's some of those people who are related to me getting informed. Okay, I'm just helping out. Yeah, he is this is him. He missed a lot. Yeah, he missed a lot. So here's some of those people who are related to me getting informed. Okay, I'm just helping out. Yeah, he's helping out.

On carbon. Hey, there's this liquor store. Yes, are you the owner of the liquor store? Yeah, so this, my name is Mr. Landwee. I'm from Landwee and associate's attorney at law. Uh-huh. And I'm in New York City. I need to let you know we're probably going to be suing you soon, uh... my name is mister landwee and from landwee and associate's attorney at law and i'm a new york city i need to let you know we're probably going to be suing you soon because you've been selling dick masters and liquor

you've been selling dick masters and liquor and he drinks this liquor during his live streams where he harasses my client i sell somebody a liquor i sell liquor everybody who's good i know but you're not you shouldn't be selling it to someone that's harassing my client. I know but you shouldn't be selling it to someone that's harassing my client. You know he's harassing Maddox? You're fault. I don't know what you're talking about buddy. We're going to be, I know somebody is like that who I sell, who I'm not supposed to sell. Did you, somebody give me any notice? I don't sell to the guy. Maybe you should talk to your customers a little bit and find out what they're doing with their liquor. Dick master said,

What are you doing? They're drinking with their liquor. Yeah, he's giving it to all these people on his show during the live stream and they're all getting liquored up and harassing my client. So I'm dragging your ass to New York City, motherfucker. You're just pissed the fuck what you want to do, man. I will. You're gonna get served. Yeah, I'm not gonna scare me like that. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm not my attorney. I'm just being nice. I was doing it 30 years. Go do what you want to do. Well, maybe you should stop. Stop being involved in this harassment campaign.

If you had to send me the letter, legal letter, you may as well be doing the harassment yourself, selling a big master's in the... Here's the... I wasn't having it here's the electric company. Oh the allow. And thank you for calling Southern California. Tell me he argues with her. Thank you for

calling. This is that she's speaking. I'm helping. Hello there. This is Mr. Landwee. I'm with Landwee and associates in New York attorneys at law. I'm an attorney. I just need to shut at law. I'm an attorney. I just need to shut off power for someone who lives in Los Angeles.

Is there a customer accountant or the address? I just have the address. I wouldn't know the account number since I'm not personally involved. It's a seven. South Avenue. Can you go on a verify the name of the account? Well, his name is Dick Masterson. It's probably under his maid's name Consuela. Probably. I would assume.

Consuelo. I know. He's kind of a shady character. Just because you're here that there's a different name on the account. It's not Consuela. Mm-hmm. Well, shoot. I can't tell that or Dickerson. Yeah, Dickerson. We just need to get that power shut off because he's running a podcast out of that house And on this podcast he is harassing my client and We can't have that. We're gonna shut off the power and then no more podcast problem solved, right?

Yeah, just give you one moment. Okay. Okay. Where are you going? What are you doing? I'm still showing that it's a different, completely different name-on-the-account. There's a transfer, there's any other way we can. I'm still going to show you a clarification because otherwise you know what? You're going to be interfering with law and stuff here. We're going to name you on the lawsuit. Like you personally. The law and stuff. I am, but I'm just saying that I don't want to turn off the incorrect services for the incorrect person.

Well, it's probably them. We'll just find out. Like, shut it off. And then come Sunday. We'll see if they're able to broadcast. Probably not. It's not hard. That can do it because of our policy, sir.

We're still at this. Make sure it's about correct person. yes probably not not that can be or policy service but to make sure that about correct person and you can see if i can find out that this person we just we just want to shut down their podcast already suing edison

we don't want to have to sue you too well i understand for a moment you think that i want to lose my job because i'm turning out the first person for all correct person yeah but you know better to lose your job then to be named in this lawsuit. Because you'll be paying like 10,000,000 a dollar is defending yourself in New York court. We're going to drag your ass to New York. If you don't shut this off. All right, that's fine, but I'm still not going to I'm fine. I'm just going to risk losing my job. Just give you a few minutes. If you reckon fine, I'll feed you. Okay, fine. All right, everybody. You have to deal with the primary form of Monday's person to count. No, we don't know any of that.

It's probably under the storm as well, but we don't have her. She's just the maid. We just want to make it go dark like, preferably if you could make it go dark in their house on Sunday morning. So they have little time to fix this. But we don't ever want her to be power at that address again, as long as Dick and his maid is living there. Again, shall I be able to turn up with nurses until I know for sure that this is the correct person?

Okay, then. For the correct address. Prepare to be served with the lawsuit. Can I get your full name please for the lawsuit? I need to type this in. Well, for security purposes, I'm not allowed to give you my last name just my first name. No, it's okay, I'm a lawyer. It's your first name.

What? I'm giving you my first name just my first name. No, it's okay. I'm a lawyer. It's your first name. I'm going to give you my first name. It's Astrid. Astrid? It's the A.S. He isn't Tom. R.I. He isn't David. Okay. All right. And you're asked, we need an address where we can serve you at.

No, I'm not going to give you my address here. Okay. We're going to call up Edison. All right. And get right. Yeah, drags funny. It's funny. Hey, man. So what you were involved in a lawsuit of your own, right? Yeah, yeah, by the way, I call the power company. That's the second call I did. The first one actually was gonna shut down the person's address that I gave him. Oh my god. I have a real name. They're like, okay. Oh, we'll do this Monday morning. Like, what are you doing? Stop. I'm a thanks.

I'll never mind. Hey, dick. Hey, there we go. Red from phone losers online. I'll get a hijacked your show with my crappy audio. No, don't worry about it. We, you know, it fucks up, it fucks up on everybody. Oh, we've done like a few dozen episodes like this. Yeah.

Uh, we accidentally uploaded one with all the audio fuckups too. Yeah. That's true. Okay. So you got hit with what exactly? You are a famous prank caller, and you got hauled into court over what? Yeah. Well, wasn't a lawsuit so much. It was more like a law, a little FBI raid. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's not good. So I get phone numbers submitted to me by listeners. You know, they'll send me lists of phone numbers and sometimes they'll send me something I need to log into

to get the list of phone numbers. Yeah. And somebody sent me a database for a grocery store complainers, you know, the suggestion box type thing. Yeah. Okay. So people who complain about the grocery store, like the local vans or whatever, somebody sent you a list of all these people.

Well, if there's a group not to play a joke on, it's them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's like a complaint database for like Safeway and Albertsons and a bunch of others. Okay. And I logged into it. I thought it was his. You know, I thought it was, he was an employee there.

But yeah, I guess he hacked into it or something. We don't know for sure. Oh, no. But I don't know, like four or five months later, the FBI showed up like six to eight FBI agents. They just take over the house and send me away and take all my computers and my phones. What time did they show up?

What time of day? Eight in the morning, which is, God, it seemed like it was kind of late in the day. Usually they do those at five or six in the morning. What were you doing? For, well, I was just, I was in debt, I was sick that day. I had like a really terrible flu.

Yeah. So the FBI shows up and takes everything in that, like everything electronic in your house. Yeah, well, you know, everything that could store data, they didn't take my TVs or anything, but they took all the computers. How many of them were there? They said like six or something.

Yeah, like six probably, maybe five or six computers. What do they say to you? They just they tell me why they're there. Well, they took me into the SUV, the black SUV, and questioned me. And they're like, do you know why we've come here? And he's like, what do you think? And I'm like, I'm not going to guess.

Can you just tell me, you know, trying to get me to admit to what probably other things. Yeah. And yeah, yeah, they just questioned me for a little bit. They were really nice about the whole thing. And I took off, you know, I left, but you didn't get any of your shit back. I'll go.

Did they give you back your stuff? You didn't get any of your stuff back though. You left, so you left and you came back to your house and everything was gone. All of your computers. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, what a night.

Yeah, they told me they were going to take it all. I did get it back eventually, like maybe six months later. and everything was gone. All of your computers. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. What a night. Yeah. They they told me they're going to take it all. I did get it back eventually like maybe six months later. They had me come by and pick it up from them. She is. Did they tell you what they were there for when they're sitting with you in the SUV? Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't guess. They just explained to me, you know, what the whole thing was about. And I'm like, Oh, yeah. Yeah. I did that. I just admitted to everything. Well, yeah, I did that. It's all in my computers anyway. I may as well. Yeah, I've been through court and everything. It lasted maybe a little bit over a year. Fuck, I could have gotten eight months in jail. But luckily, I got eight months of home detention.

Oh, my. Do you have a little ankle bracelet on? No, the judge said that I should have an ankle bracelet on, but I guess my probation officer decided I didn't need to do that. And I'm doing like this weird phone check-in thing where I just call a number a few times a day. Yeah, because he's probably, you know, that's the real criminals. Sean, they got the prank phone collar to call in. Yeah, say that he's still home. Yeah.

So what did you get arrested? Like did they take you to jail after they took all your stuff? No. No, no, no. They just, they just let me go. They just, they just sent me, they, they'd question me for maybe an hour and then they just, let me take off. Who did this?

To you. To a friend's house. Who did it? Who sent you that list? First of all, were they just trying to help out? I don't even know. It's some guy, yeah, just some guy. He's just a fan of the show.

I don't really blame him. He didn't say he was an employee. I just assumed that he was. But I don't think they ever figured out who he was and I didn't know who he was. I'm glad he didn't tell me because I would have felt like a dick if he got arrested over my show.

Who ratted you out? Who would call this crime? I guess Safeway would be pissed that their stuff got hacked. Right? They have to. Well, I was calling up customers in Safeway. So that's the crime. Like someone complained that the Starbucks kiosk is in the back now and I called them up

and I'm like, well, we saw you on the security cameras. It looks like you could do with a little bit more walking. Yeah, you could keep walking off. Yeah. So all their customers really pissed off and they just figured they'd been hacked. How many did you call? And they, I don't know. I got two shows out of it.

And I think one of the shows was four hours long. So I probably just did. I did a little bit. Yeah, let's money though. Luckily, they're really fun in shows. They were fun. So it wasn't for nothing, I guess. Yeah, that's what happened.

You had too much fun. Yeah. That is a customer, because the customer complains, my dad, my dad owned some McDonald's when we were, there was a teenager. He didn't start doing that, but he did that for, I don't know, 20 years. Anyway, he did that I was younger,

and the people who would call in to complain about, like, it's the same people that call 911 to say that they didn't get the right order at their foods. Like the complaints, the toilets are the wrong color. They're the wrong, they're too beige. The, yeah, there's complaints were stupid that the ones that I called them. They're asking people that I called them. They're asking the survive to adulthood.

Yeah, you can't, this is, this is a put on, right? This can't be real. The Starbucks thing is at the front of the store instead of the back, or at the back of the store instead of the front. Like what is, what the fuck do you not have going on in your day that you can do this? This drove, that this drove you to action. As hard as it is to make anybody do something.

Yeah, like a minute. What were some of the best complaints in there? I remember. It's been so long I can barely remember. I remember some guy was complaining they didn't carry a certain kind of food. And I told him we keep that in a different part of the store and people like him aren't allowed.

And a part of the store. There was a lot of, you know, your cashier wasn't, didn't make enough small talk with me or something like that. I forget what I said to them. It's been a while since I've listened to any of it. So what did the crazy thing go? Like, go ahead. The FBI, they gave me my stuff back, you know, my computers. They accidentally gave me Safe hard drive also like they said that I'm a state sounds about right they gave you the very thing that's interest yeah yeah it was I could have done another whole show out of it yeah I think it's the same hard drive that I it probably had all of the complaints in it that's great the taking did you give it back

I called a oh yeah yeah I called it a lawyer. We laughed about it and they sent like a local police officer from my city over to collect it. Oh my God. What did the judge say? Like, did you have to go to court and say that you did all these and like hear a transcript of your greatest hits? Yeah, well, I, we pretty much, it didn't go to trial or anything. I just pretty much admitted it and, and I, because I couldn't afford to, uh, to, to go to trial, you know, it would have been like $20,000, like, you know, than like what you're having to deal with. Yeah. It's expensive.

But, um, yeah, I'm, I'm paying, I'm paying $18,000 in restitution. Uh, and I have five years of, uh, probation. Did you have to call everybody and apologize for the jokes that you made? No, nothing like that. They didn't make me take anything off of YouTube. I would have if they asked me to, but they didn't have me too. Oh, that's great. So we can hear the Safeway call still on your website or YouTube or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Search for Fomelazar's Trickassho. I think there is a couple different videos. I called one of the customers a Trickassho and she didn't like that. I can't believe this is what the FBI is doing. Yeah. I mean, it's funny. That's funny, but yeah, that's really...

Oh, that's the trick. I've been in serious trouble over it. I've got the Patreon and everything. Basically, I'm doing print calls now to pay for all the restitution. Oh, God. 18 grand, you said? Yeah.

Yeah, 18. Gotta make a criminal continue to participate in his own criminal activity. It's gotta pay for it. Straight back into his life of crime. Yeah. It's like when your dad makes you smoke all the cigars, you know? Yeah. Like now I'm just doing prank calls to pay off my fees.

Mm-hmm. Do you like making prank calls? Well, now you're prank calling for the state. To pay off your tab. My cousin, uh, yeah. My uncle did that to my cousin, I guess, when she he caught her smoking. Yeah. And one of those things like like, you're gonna sit here and smoke that pack of cigarettes. And like, he had to stop her at like 10. Why? Because nothing was happening.

She was just like, yeah, fuck you. Just fucking sucking them down, like, one after the, he's like, okay, okay. Not breaking eye contact, anything. Yeah. Yeah. I bet she'd feel shitty if she got lung cancer from that. Yeah, probably. You should feel shitty if she got lung cancer from that. Yeah, probably.

You should call a men's hair doctor. Say she got lung cancer from smoking 10 cigarettes. It looks like it was 20 years ago, according to the cancer. Yeah. Well, you got anything. We got our computer here. She smoked about 10. Yeah.

You got any big prank calls coming up? Not really. I just kind of go day by day. People send me a lot of stuff into the show and I just do whatever they tell me to do. It's a lot of fun. Somebody told me I should ask you about the John Vene Ramsey story.

Did you do it? It's just some weird thing that happened like 10 years ago. Some guys just completely convinced that I was involved in the jump in a Ramsay murder. He felt like a 30 video series up on YouTube and detailed all the evidence. Weirdest thing, I don't know.

You didn't do it right? I'm not allowed to say publicly. Oh, okay. Maybe ask me in private and we'll talk. No, no, I've put it in. We'll call a safe way. We'll call a safe way. We'll call a safe way. Yeah.

All right, man, what makes you a rage? Ah, I don't like dogs and grocery stores. That kind of pisses me. I don't know why, but people bring their dogs and grocery stores. We saw some guy sniffing the, having his dogs sniff the lettuce and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot of dogs. There was a, when that dog got killed in the airplane, because there's an overhead, that was part of me and I was like, I know what, fuck you. Good, you're one of those fucking idiots. They always have to carry their dog. Like, the people that think they're clever and put the therapy vest on their dog,

or whatever, and think that they're somehow tricking the system. It's like, no, you're just being an asshole. Yeah, oh no. Like you're just being, it's like, why don't you just pretend to be retarded and just reap all the benefits of the compassion that we give people who are actually traumatized and who actually need this.

You're just an asshole. We all know what you're doing. You're not clever. She's gonna get a lot of money too. Because that the flight attendant, the United was like, no, we never tell them to do that. Yeah, they were both bad guys to me. As if dogs in restaurants,

oh it pisses me off. When under the guy, like you're fooling people, like you said, it drives me fucking crazy. I dated this girl. Yeah, it was in a off when under the guy like you're fooling people like you said. It's it. Yeah, it drives me fucking crazy I dated this girl. I live in a game stop. Go ahead. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, no, you got a game stop some some girl walked up with her dog Head of vest on it that says a service dog and jumped up on me. Yeah, jumped up and wanted to be pet Just kick it. Just take a run. Not a starting one to call your shot point point Point deep end of the outfield and kick it through some goal pose.

The dogs, yeah. I have an emotional support, chameleon. It needs to go everywhere with me. I mean, the guy brings a duck on a plane. There's a peacock. There's some grocery stores, it's really disgusting. Because you're there to get in and out as quickly as possible. Like, at least at a restaurant, you can sit and enjoy yourself.

Yeah. Enjoy the company of your pet, but bringing it to a store, it's like those little kid carts that they have. Yeah, I know. We yelled about this the other week. Yeah. Stop making this more complicated than it is. It's huge.

It needs to be efficient and you're fucking it up for everybody with your stupid dog. Yep. All right. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Brad. I love you stuff. Phone, is it phonelosers.org?

Yeah. Phonelosers.org. Yeah. Two shows a week. Two shows a week. Wait, are you still asking people how they jerk off? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Are you a wrong-hand or a right-hander? Me? Yeah. I don't know the argument there. I-hand or a right-hander me? Yeah? I don't know the the argument there. I guess I'm a right-hander. What's your dominant hand? What's your dominant hand? Do you jerk off with your dominant hand or right hand? Okay, okay. Okay. See you're yeah Somebody told me that it matters which way your dick naturally goes. Oh Yeah, he said your dick naturally goes. Oh, yeah. He said, uh, lay down, get next time you get, you have a hard on lay down and see which way that is it goes. That's probably the way you jerk off. What about for women? Interesting hypothesis. Um, I'm trying it right now. You seem to be correct. Yeah.

See, maybe that's right. Maybe that's a secret. Very good. I don't know how you do. I have bad good idea here. See you. Fighting. So yeah. Oh, God damn, man. Rated by the FBI. That'll suffer from low blood pressure in the morning. That'll fix it.

Yeah, how terrifying. Yeah, your mind's got to be going a million miles an hour. What the fuck did I do? And you've got to find a computer fast, so you can log in and start deleting emails, right? Like even if they're not bad, I don't want the fucking FBI to be, I don't want some person at the FBI looking at them

and laughing at me. Cause they're just people who will sit there and laugh. Yeah, it's just a job. Yeah. Like they're not like, they're not judged red. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a guy with a guy who works're not like, they're not judged red. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's just like a guy with a guy who works at a different place than you. Uh huh.

All right, let me see what else I got here. My room records is here. Let me see if I get another song. Uh, this one's sent in by Cuckett. No, this is Rage, Son, and the Yey-Ez. The Maddox Lost. Oh, God. And the yeah, yeah, it's called Maddox Lost. Okay. Rage Sonic. Yeah, yeah, Maddox Lost.

Yeah. Yeah. Maddox Lost. Once again, Well, hey, hey, got a friend. His network is failing. His fan base, a failing, and now we know the biggest problem Father should have a water condo, we know peace

Master failure, but let's hope just get fucked by a storm is the winner. Dick is the winner. Dick, he has too small a buff face. Dick, his face is such a disgrace. Oh, fuck you. It's the best I could do. Ah, in it on. And the, yeah, yeah, there you go. How about an erotic story?

Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's do it. And I gotta talk to my room records. Okay. Okay. The Dict Show presents an erotic story from a real man. Oh, man, you know he's homeless now?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? of him being hated and attacked kind of by the internet. Is he live streaming, his adventures? He's still live streaming, but now I don't know his situation. It was a really sad video though. Jesus. How old is he? He's older than, I think he's probably older than us.

He seems older than. He seems. I have no idea. He's about our age. Yeah. It's a our age. Yeah. Yeah. There's a sad video to watch him describing getting kicked out of his house

and people are kind of picking on, like tell him to get a job and stuff. But he does have autism. Yeah, I don't know to what extent it impacts his life. Me either. I mean, it sounded like he was on some kind of disability. I don't know. I hope he gets it like he was on some kind of disability. I don't know.

I hope he gets it. I hope things get better for him. All right, this one is from Phil G. Hey, Dick, my name is Phil G and I've got a doozy of an erotic story for you. This was a few years ago. I was out in some podunk town in central California visiting an old friend. We went to a shitty bar because there was nothing better to do. It was more of a sausage fest than a German celebration.

Okay. A lot of guys. There was a lot of guys last yesterday at St. Pat's. Yeah, I'm really where I didn't see many. The only hot, the only two hot girls in the bar were with us. Yeah, there you go. My buddy and I got some drinks and sat down at a table. There really needs, is there an app

that will tell you the ratio of men to women at a bar? Great idea. That is a fucking great idea. Like Google will tell you when places are busy based on people searching for them, I think, like when a local business. Sure. But if there is a way, just for a guy to,

like if guys can like, you know, hive mind it. Would it be like a ratio of eggplant to like, yeah, peaches. If to peaches or cat faces or tacos. Yeah, yeah. Just go, geez. You just get to the bar and you think,

yeah, that sausage festival eggplant, so you know, fuck that place. Because it's even if you're not looking to get laid, it changes the vibe. Like, if there's one too many guy at a bar, it feels like a steel town, like a steel mill town that where everybody just got laid off.

This feels fucking depressing, guys are so, guys are so angry. And, you know, you know, however you want in a while, like a woman, writer, will try to live as a man and describe her experience. And they all say the same thing. Like, yes, most fucking depressing existence ever. I've had to go to therapy afterwards, such a fucking nightmare.

She says, yeah, this woman did it recently. She lived life as a man. And like her face, the face that she's making after her transition as a man and the depression and loneliness in her face is like the thousand yard stairs. Like yeah, that's what it feels like. You get too many of that in the same room. Too many guys just holding their beer, flicking it, flicking at the label because they're sexually repressed and staring into oblivion.

It's infectious. Was she transitioning gender? No, she was as soon as an experiment. I see. Wow. Anyway, after a few minutes of drinking and shooting the shit, in walked the farmer's daughter. Mm-hmm.

Her tight, daisy dukes showed off legs as smooth and as sculpted as a Greek column and her white tank top showed off a can situation that if Wolf Blitzer ever wrote a porno, it would be called the can situation room and it would star this girl. She boasted a, it's a highbrow jump there. She boasted a waterfall of blonde hair. Donald Trump would date this girl because she's not his daughter. Okay.

She walked by our table and sat her luscious ass down at the bar and ordered a drink. I figured she was out of your shot, so I turned to my buddy and saw him. Is it oggling or oogling? How many O's other? One. The word is the word oggling.

I saw him oggling her just as hard. We both knew we didn't have a chance with her, so we ordered more drinks until one of us could continue. Until one of us did. Yeah, until one of us could conveniently forget that knowledge. After several minutes, no one had approached this female Adonis.

Mm. That's a bit weird. That's a bit weird. Yeah. Effort Didey. Yeah. Well, that's only one market. He's been doing pretty well.

He's doing well, doing well. At this point, I figured I could get somewhere just by being the only guy there bold enough to talk to her, of course. You can't. So I moseyed on over, sat down next to her and said, hey, I like your boots. Yes.

They were a really nice looking pair of boots. She finished off her drink, looked at me and said, thanks, they're genuine leather cool, I said. Then she gets in close to me and says, hey, you know, I came in here willing to hook up with the first decent looking guy to talk to me. You wanna get out of here?

Oh, this is bullshit. Why? There's no way. You've never thought that in your life, gone into a bar and thought, I'm gonna hook up with the first guy that talks to me? Of course not. Wow.

What about you, Sean? Have you ever gone into a bar with that in mind? I don't think so. I tried to hide my shock and play it cool. So I said, you're lucky. I'm the first guy to talk to you then. You're gonna have a great night. She laughed in a good way.

I could tell I was in. Yeah. She's then said to me, I live on a farm a few miles out. My parents raised ducks there, and they're on vacation in Hawaii right now. I agreed because she was hot and I wanted to bang her. That's a good good reason to do anything on a pile of ducks. See that's always been my fantasy. That's how you know it's real because he puts in really weird things like that because she's

then she says that because it's if it's, if some chick says something really weird one way, there's another thing really weird the other way. Why is it weird? Why is it weird to have a duck farm? That's fine. Because people don't think about farming ducks. Because it's because she wants to go fuck at the duck farm. That's what makes it weird.

We're supposed to fuck. This whole thing is ending in like a bad pun punchline. I know. I hope not. I'm gonna cut it all out. I put it on my belt. I put it on my belt. I put it on my belt.

I put it on my belt. I glanced over at my buddy and he gave me a nod. We got into her car and drove up a dirt road. I was genuinely appalled by her farmhouse. I was expecting a ramshackle, a ramshackle building with animal shit all over the place in a dilapidated barn with half of its roofs missing. Instead, I was treated to a beautiful house and a brand new barn with a fully intact roof. I didn't think he's

using a palled correctly. No, she led me into her house. She walked over to a liquor cabinet and bent over to reach a bottle of some expensive looking whiskey. She took a shot of it. Oh, God. Then she walked over to me with a shot glass in her hand, poured another shot, drained the glass and kissed me. I drank the whiskey out of her mouth and grabbed her and we started making out. I smacked her ass. She jumped off of me. I thought she was going to tell me to leave. I panicked a bit. But then she asked me if I've ever fucked in a barn before. Oh God. Oh boy. Uh, what's the, what's the buddy doing right now?

Yeah, good question. Uh, he's, uh, he's fucking another chicken of pig farm. Yeah. Yeah. I hadn't. We walked down to the barn. I put my hand down her pants a bit to test the waters. And she grabbed my hand and pushed it down further.

By this point, I had kind of a boner. I had the kind of boner that a high school kid would desperately try to hide from his classmates, but I made no attempt to hide it. Yeah, you would not try to... You let the boner do your talking. We walked into the barn and things got hot and heavy. She was louder than a jackhammer when I started jackhammering her. That's when I found out that this was the barn where they had the ducks in it because some of them started making noise. I stopped what I was doing and got a bit freaked out. She told me to keep going, but I said,

what about the ducks? This is weird. Okay. I can't get off without the ducks, she said. My first time was in here, and I can't do it anywhere else. Here we go. I still had reservations because the last thing I wanted was to get attacked by a duck, Mid-Coitus. What if the ducks attack us, I said? That was Mallorca, rapia.

Yeah, don't worry, she said. Most of the ducks don't even care. A few get angry, but they're fenced off anyway. And to be perfectly honest, I like the idea of having some mad ducks watch me have sex with a guy. Okay. Then she pushed me down and did her best impression of a vacuum cleaner. Which way is that? She pushed him down and did, oh,

and then she must have gone down. I was uncomfortable with mad ducks watching me do this. Oh, god dammit. Yeah. Madducks, right. Yeah. Okay, this is a joke. Yes, yeah.

Madducks watching me do this, but I still finish the deed, because she was in retrospect, I do realize that the Ducks didn't quack like normal Ducks. Like sounded more, now fuck you. Yeah, no. See, I can smell it right away. I know about stories, man. Yeah, you're right. You're right. And how embarrassing. All right, let can smell it right away. I know about stories, man. Yeah.

You're right. You're welcome. And how embarrassing. All right, let me get my room ready. Fuck you. Fuck you. Oh, look, you're genuinely upset. I can't believe that somebody is...

I can't believe that somebody has ruined the erotic story, the sanctity of the erotic stories with their Maddox joke. You son of a bitch. You bastard. Well, now I know for sure that he does not read these before. Oh, of course not. Hey, my room records, you there. Hey, what's up, buddy?

Hey, what's up, man? So you got an album for us? Yeah. Too small of a... Too small of a... Yeah, so anyway, I first called in or I first just shot an email over to Diego when the live show was coming. And yeah, and he just shot it back and I was like, oh, maybe you can find some artists

or something to make it happen. And being from Portland, I found you the best loop pedals screeching crazy ladies and then the the trombone drum duo. But what are you talking about? Yeah, I sent Diego these he originally wanted me to do to send over some oh, send some weird people to open up the show. I wanted to get some right. That's right. That's right. Open up the show for. Yeah. So you can find it in Portland. You know what? These people actually are probably pretty serious artists in Portland.

They actually probably make money. Yeah. So I don't know if they would have been open to it. And then Diego said, hey, why don't you just open the show and say, you know what I'm prefer that you do it. Why not? So what's this album? So this album, it's basically, it was a personal challenge for me.

I was like, shoot, if the stereos can do an album in 24 hours, and I've got like six weeks to, before the show to do this, I sure as hell can come up with a six song album that actually sounds pretty decent. So I'm looking at it right now. You go to two small, two small of an album, My Room Records. It's on Amazon. Where is it? Is it on anything else? It's on Bancam. The easiest way to get to it is MyRoomRecords.com slash the Dix show. Okay. And I just posted that on Reddit, so you can find it there. And yeah, so and it's got links to all it'll have links to everything. Everything goes live. It'll be on iTunes, Amazon, Google Play, band camp.

I haven't listened to it yet, but I love your stuff. The everything is a contest or nothing is everything. So nothing is, I think that was I remix that I remix that song specifically for the album made it cleaned it all up and made it actually professional. Cool, cool. Yeah, thanks so much for doing the Portland show. Oh, it was a blast. I had a great time.

I wasn't expecting the vinyl shirt. Was that what it was? Yeah, yeah. When you stripped off, you stripped off your clothes for some reason towards the end and you were wearing like a vinyl space man suit. Yeah, see, I have a different experience with Portland. You, I mean, you wore the obvious very hipstery thing

and that's pretty common. She seems like every time I go to Portland, I get like Tanner's fantasy everywhere I go. What do you mean? What's his fantasy? Top gay, top gay fantasy, like everywhere. And so I was like, shoot, I'm gonna dress like the top gay Probably like I got you have you have you encountered like Sean said a bunch of like hipster assholes up in Portland

Cuz I didn't but Sean was saying and other people who live in Portland tell me that I always listen to how people talk around just Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, it's It depends on where you are. Like, we were kind of in an area where it's not, not too bad, but like, you get kind of northeast out. Like, my merch people is actually my sister and I, she is definitely of that persuasion. And so I brought in, I was like, oh, sure, you want to come run merch? Yeah. We'll have a great all time. Does she smile, Peach is asking if she smiles out of the side of her mouth? No, no, sure, you want to come run merch? You want to have a great all time. Does she smile, Peach is asking if she smiles out of the side of her mouth?

No, she doesn't actually. But she, all of her roommates do. Oh. Are they in Portland? Because I'll be there tomorrow. What in the hell? No, no. They're, I can't describe the amount of butter face

that they are. I understand. That's okay. Are you guys can see beauty and anything? I'm sorry, Peach, again, for calling you Lacey the first. That's totally fine. I just wanted to fuck with you. I'm actually mad because we kind of wore the same fabric

to the, I felt it. I had a change. That vinyl, that vinyl skin tight, it was beautiful. I even had orange pants that matched the color of your dress. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, it was cool. I mean, well, I'm gonna play one of your songs in the outro.

What makes you a rage? What? We're done with this segment of the view. What makes you a rage what we don't with this segment of the view What makes you a rage buddy fuck you Sean What makes you a rage Where do you go oh, sorry? You're asking me what makes me a raise you said you were gonna play a song No, so my my rage it's actually perfect. You were talking about Downloads and stuff and the way companies screw with you. My rage is companies that hold your money hostage.

So Google AdSense does this. I've got a bunch of stuff online, but where you have to earn a certain amount of money before they will pay out for you. Yeah, and there's always a remainder. It's in the account. Like I got 30 bucks spread over like 10 accounts that I just can never access to. Access again.

I have $9.73 sitting in my CD baby account right now. And it's been there for three years. You can get it, but you have to write them a written letter. You have to write them a stamped letter, and then once they receive it, they can wait 10 to 12 weeks or the end of their fiscal year, whatever comes first. Yeah. I've got some bitcoins in some weird accounts somewhere, and I totally forgot about them until the big, until they went to the moon.

But I found the account I logged back in and it's like, well, you need a minimum of like point. You need a minimum of one or a point one bitcoins to get your Bitcoin. I'm like, fucking, that's 10 grand now. What do you mean a minimum of one Bitcoin to get it out? You fucking pricks? Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, and there's always fees too,

if you wanna take it out, take it out. Oh, yeah, you wanna take out a $97 instead of $100? Oh, we want to take out take it out. Oh, yeah, you want to take out $97 instead of $100. Oh, we'll just take 20% off that. Yeah. All right, man. Um, so I'll say keep it and make interest. Yeah, it is. They got a They're just got to switch to a token system. The money means nothing anymore. Just like Amazon bucks and paypal Paypal tokens. It's all Disney dollars. It's just a number and a fucking computer, right? Which one should I play my room records? I would play news baves, but I want to mention one more thing. So if you do go to myroomrecords.com

slash the Dixho, there is also six bonus songs you can download, which are all of my I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that.

I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that.

I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. I can't stop that. giving credit and all that. So, here's News Babes by My Room Records. Go to MyRoomR Records.com slash the Dix Show. Is that what you said? Yep, that's correct.

All right, and then you can get the extra downloads. Here's News Babes, My Room Records. Should I try talking up to the song again? This is my room record. Wow, I'm too small of an album. Uhhh I think Lacey has a bit of a beef with you, Peach, by the way. Does she? Why? Remember in Portland when that... Lacey has the laugh, the laugh, the jammer's got the bar.

Peach possesses attitude, turns the tickets a nap And I need to know Does it take? Come on, say Does it take to be a new bed? I assume you meant to take this girl Because dick, let's tell the truth No lies about it All of them are far too hot for you

but that's okay because attention is what we will get today even though they say they don't care we all know they appreciate everything we say Oh. They're real mellow. It's like 5 to 5. That's nice, it's relaxing. I feel like a power ranger. Like the ring of anted. Oh, captain. My room records that kind of slash the dickhead. That's awesome. Thanks man.

I love your stuff. Yeah, thank you. I really do. I really do. That your acoustic guitar covers get sucked in my song for weeks. Was it the 20 million song that you did on acoustic guitar? I don't think I've done an acoustic one. The everyone's everything's a contest one is. Yeah that one's one of my favorites for sure. All right buddy good luck with the album and thank you for opening Portland.

Thank you so much. It was it was a real blast. Had a good time. Yeah. All right, see ya. All right, bye. See ya. Yeah, I think Lacey was telling me that when you, you remember in Portland when the girl walked in in the bathroom stall? Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, you want to talk to you on talk about that? Because I don't think anyone- Well, I heard more of that story.

You did. So, Peach goes up on stage and says that what makes her rage is, was it girls who open unlocked bathroom doors? What happened, okay, so what happened was I went to the restroom to powder my nose about five minutes before I was going to go on. Yeah. So I ran in there. Lacey, I didn't realize, came like suddenly running behind me goes, well, I need to go

to it. I was like, great. So I was, I thought there was one way. Lacey was going. She wasn't powdering her nose like. Well, anyway, I, I, I go to what I think is only one bathroom. And in my head, oh, Lacey's gonna be right behind me. So I'm just gonna close the door.

And I'm so filled with many thoughts, important thoughts, that I didn't lock the door. Cause I thought, oh, Lacey's there, right now. You're so busy remembering your lyrics and reviewing them to your song, which you didn't remember to log to. Yeah. So, and unbeknownst to me, which makes only make sense.

Lacy, of course, saw that there was another bathroom went to that one, right? Then this drunk as fuck, I guess, comes in. Oh, okay. Let's, first of all, she's at the show. So let's not be too much drunk as fuck. I wasn't sure if she was at the show or if she was at the other thing in that same space. I wasn't sure.

I'm powdering my nose. Right. And I'm in a- Number one or number two. The most number one or nose number two. I am, and I'm, you know how tight that dress is. So. Yeah.

You have a high-go. It's very intimate moment with myself. I know how to go to the bathroom, please. So anyway, she just fucking opens the door, right? Which, okay, fine, right? That happens. She opens the door and I go, oh, close the door, close the door. Close the door, close the door.

And she's just standing there staring me, door wide open, just staring. I'm telling you 30 seconds of me saying, close the door. I almost started to say, oh, door, oh, door, because she just wouldn't fucking close it. She wouldn't, and I'm just powdering and powdering my nose. I almost started to say, oh, door, oh, door, because she just wouldn't fucking close it. She wouldn't go, and I'm just powdering and powdering my nose. I can't stop.

A lot of sight to see she was stunned, like, like, like, look, I'm just, I'm just some bitch wearing a plastic dress and a crown, close the door. Yeah, that's something to say. And she did, so finally she went, it was unlocked and just closed it. I'm sitting there with,

so I get, It might have been slow, time might have been going slower for you because you were panic, though. No, no, I mean it was a while. I don't know. She's embarrassing things happen and they seem a lot longer than they really are.

It's true. I embarrass myself all the time. I know how long an embarrassing moment takes. This was, it was, I was a long. How long is this one going on? Ha ha ha ha. That's true. So then she ran away then.

I left the door open? No, she closed the door. I get myself together. That's nice, man. I come out and I'm pissed as fuck and I'm like, what the fuck? Like, can't you just fuck Lacey? Yeah, that's what you said at the show. No, no, I didn't.

No, I opened the door and I go, what the fuck to that girl? Like, can't you fucking knock? And she goes, the door was unlocked. But wait, if she had knocked, that have opened the door like I know how bathroom stalls work. They swing. It wasn't a store. It wasn't a stall.

It was a door like a door with like a handle and stuff completely closed door. So she so I thought she was a single person bathroom. So I thought she because I knock when I know I wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What you're telling me that the entire bathroom

was a single person bathroom and you left the bathroom door unlocked? Yes. Oh, peach. That is asking for it. That is insane. You've got a lock. Yep.

Look, look, look, I'm not saying I didn't fuck up. I didn't say that. That's not the issue. I thought there was a door inside of that room. I thought the store was left unlocked. The door unlocked? Reminders well of this been open. Let me show you.

So she opened the door to the outside bar and saw you. No, no, no, no, no, it was like curved behind. So no one saw anything. Like from her. But no, no, no, she opens the door and is standing there in the open. No, I got that. The problem is that she didn't, because you know, you've opened the door and is standing there in the door. Yeah, no, I got that. The problem is that she didn't, because you know, you've opened the door and someone

you go, oh, excuse me, and you close it, right? That's fuck. No. I pointed them and go, ha, ha, ha, ha, you fucked up. You fucked, does this lock work? And then I go inside and I lock that I say, you see how this fucking lock works? You any it? This is what you do.

This is how it works. I'm gonna sit in here and then I sit on the floor and I have my eye level with their junk. And I say, go ahead, I wanna see it. I wanna see the rest of this. This is what you deserve for not locking the door. Look, so anyways, I come out and I'm like, what the fuck man?

And she's like, then closes the door. I have no, I don't know where Lacey is. I'm very confused, so I walk away and I come door. I have no, I don't know where Lacey is. I'm very confused. So I walk away and I come on stage and I bitch, right? Yeah. No, I'm not like her. Okay, let me tell you what happened after this. Okay.

Lacey went to the bathroom and she's also wearing a dress. But because Peach abandoned her and her fury, she didn't have anyone to zip up the back of her dress. Lacey, what? She told me this her dress. Oh, she had to. She had to. Yeah. Well, that's what happened. So when you, when you furiously stomped away, leaving, I knew I was going to go on in

like two minutes. Oh, okay. I didn't, I didn't, the fact that I even went was a risk. She followed me because she also had to go, which was great. That's fine. I think she was pounding on you being there to zip her dress up. She didn't tell me that. She tells the story.

What the hell is she? She always go to the bathroom together. Is she mad? You're thinking that survived alone. They can't fucking live on their own. They need to have their other. They need another woman there to put their clothes back together and make sure that don't and tell them how the door works.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why didn't she just say this on stage? Cause I was sitting there and shitting down there. Cause you didn't want to throw you under the buzz. Why not? I don't know, she's a nice girl. So wait, she, she talks shit about me behind my back. She's not talking shit.

She was just adding details to the story. Damn it. Oh, I'll tell this a dirt. Oh, I feel so bad. That sucks. I'm an asshole. That's so, so you left the, you left the door open. I thought she was right there.

And then, Rand got so upset. Rand off to bad mouth lacy on stage. Meanwhile, she walks out with her clothes, that she can't put her own clothes back on. I didn't know that. I didn't know that this sounds like hijinks. Do you think she's lying? No, no, no, that just sounds like a comedy of errors.

Oh, yeah. No, no, no, I love her. Of course. Let me read some of these reddit rages. Cybernetic orange says, what makes me a rages week is decision pictures. The guy who proposes we all do something, but doesn't actually have a suggestion of what we should do. Oh, that girl that wants to grab a bite to eat, but doesn't want to pick a restaurant. Yeah, the follow up, then they shoot down recommendations. You just wanted me to come up with suggestions. You vapid, unpleasable lazy piece of shit. Bama, 381 says, people saying, I was going to get that when you're loading the last dish

in the dishwasher almost done. Don't, don't blow it for me. It's all blow it for me. It's gonna blow it for me, you motherfucker. All the fuck of time. Oh, I was gonna take that trash out. I'm gonna cut this part out of there, I think. Come on, man.

Come on, Bama. Don't fight that one. Just embrace it. Keys to the kingdom and such. I'll tell you, I was gonna, oh, honey, I was gonna do the, I was gonna do some laundry. Oh.

I was gonna get you a present. I was. You were gonna, you know, you make me a fucking rage, say, I'm sorry. E-Rach. I see. Sean Galt says, what makes me a rage this week is not getting named in the lawsuit.

It's bullshit. I defamed Maddox and give evidence of Dick and Astero's as many crimes every day, but I never get any credit. No. Yeah. Bashar. Sean Galt. Is that an iron-rand reference?

Is it? John Galt. Was the... Oh, I don't know. For tagging this to Atlas Shrugged. Maybe. L'Ekembras says, long goodbyes. People who say goodbye a hundred times

before they hang up the phone. Okay, thanks. Yep, bye, okay, okay. Take care, bye. See you, bye. Bye, talk soon, bye. Okay, bye. You only need one goodbye.

Just say it once. Allow the other person to say it back and then hang up. There's an even real life version of this when people say goodbye multiple times before I just nixened it out. See him. Yeah. Yeah.

Totally. You know, I'm holding my fingers up. That means stop talking, stop it. You do it. Yeah. It is. That is annoying. Captain Jackass is, thank you for having me call in this week. It's

cool. Been a Patreon East to stay one. I was talking low the entire time because I was going through a horrible hangover and I was concerned about vomiting live on air immediately after the call. I threw up and then went back to sleep. I'd like someone else who throws up on the air. Oh, that never happened, I guess, right? I don't know why Stereo's won't let me play that. Oh, okay. He said I could if we win.

Oh, I'll see what I think. There was a couple stipulations. Oh, Lord. But I asked him, like, why can't I play these? Like, I want Lecambra and Sand Glaze to make a remix of me throwing up. Why not? I'm like, what do you not?

Is it musical? I don't know. I've never heard it. Oh, I have heard it. I have heard it and it's hysterical. Advice, hey, this guy's got some advice questions. Started going to school again and became a regular at the local Chipotle.

A cute girl that works there, is giving me more eye contact than I've ever gotten from a human being. This is a thing, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've been out of a human being. This is a thing, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've been out of the dating game for over seven years now. Oh, and it's always pretty shit at this,

and it's this besides that. So if this is a thing, what do I do to not fuck up this thing? You will fuck up. And that's okay. There, women are very forgiving as to your fuck ups because they don't have to do any work. That's why. They just have to stand there and look at you. That's the extent of their, that's the extent of their participation

in the courtship game. I think that depends. Then you've got to go talk to them, come up with, you've got to come up with an impossible, the impossible task of something that is interesting, not stupid, not weird or lecherous in some way and suited to that. Every time you talk to a woman, you have to write a greeting card. You don't think we're not doing that? No, you guys are not.

You guys do not walk up to guys. You're not trying to figure out the right emoji. No. Figure out to get our message across. You guys don't know how good you have it. How hard it is to come up with the right thing to say that has been said 10,000,000 times in the 66 billion people that have ever been on the planet.

Every single one of them has had to come up with a line to talk to a woman probably probably a thousand times got 66 trillion pickup lines that have ever been said and still doing it once is impossible there's no there's no escape from it huh fuck oh great this beautiful girl likes me and i'm feeling like i might like her to great now i've got to do the hardest part of the relationship, which has come up with one fucking thing to say to introduce myself. Like, hello, my name is XYZ.

Yeah. And then what? Oh, hello, my name is ABC. I'm just standing there with your dick, with your hello in your hand. Oh, that's your name, wonderful. It's because we all think that we all think that we're going to hit on Don Rickles. Like we forget that women will talk about anything.

Yeah. Anything. I mean, they talk. Remember that they talk, you, once you, once you start dating the woman, you say you think to yourself, God, just stop talking about, stop talking about everything. Literally, every the fucking weather gets them off, gets them going, you know? And you're like, well, you forget that. You forget that when you want to talk to them, you don't have time to forget it because they're still talking.

Once you get them, yeah. Once you get them in bed, then it's, oh, I forgot that you need next to nothing to get them going. You just breathe funnily enough. Were you breathing funny? That reminds me, if I used to breathe in a funny way and my friend would tell me that I breathed funny and I was in class one time in April,

you know, she was dating Johnny, who was the boyfriend of Rebecca that I went to second grade. Every fucking, like, I was just breathing bitch. What do you, you don't need to overcomplicate. I wish I was just breathing bitch. What do you? You don't need you don't need to overconfident wish I could stop breathing perfectly. I thought it would stop this from happening. I would stop breathing in a second but I would be then I would decompose and that would get her going. Oh this decomposing is reminding me of when my when my aunt at my aunt's funeral my second grade teacher that introduced me in Jessica,

who I went to summer camp with, remember, and I remember how I told you about that, I know who the fuck Jessica is, just say Jessica. Just say the name of the person. I'm gonna assume that you know them from somewhere. I don't need all these fucking, see, that's, this is what you're arguing with. I'm saying it's the easiest thing in the fucking world.

But we, but we fuck with our minds because we think that they're like a guy that we need to come up with something interesting to say, but you don't, or they'll come back with some cutting remark. Yeah, but no. Because we think, we think that all the women we want to have sex with are secretly our dad in disguise. What the fuck?

Yeah, who's one? No. Yeah, who when we go talk to them, when we say, oh, you work at Chipotle, huh? If I give you a compliment, can I get a little extra meat in my burrito? You know what I'm saying? And then our dad is going to rip off, the girl is going to rip off her mask and it's going to be our dad. And you say, oh, that was your fucking idea.

You have a good line. You have a nice idiot. Yeah, nice job, idiot. I knew you're a fucking, you blew it again. Did your dad test you with this? Like what? No. You have like masks of, we are our dads.

You know what my dad did? My dad fucking gave me a test. You have to see. They're always fucking with you. And I know, cause I always fuck with my nephews, similarly, because they always fuck with me. Just a lifetime of fucking around. He do this,

you wanna talk about bathroom issues? The boys, they want to get in, they wanna fuck up your bathroom time all day, every day. And they also want you fucking up their bathroom time. Like doing what? They just wanna check it out. They think it's funny. They think it's hilarious to go to be in the room

because they know it makes you uncomfortable. They want to be in there while you're peeing or whatever. So they will hammer, they will hammer on the fucking door and stick their fingers in there under the door. And I'm like, you're making it fucking weird, dude. I don't want to be in here pissing with your little fingers that come to the door. Get them the fuck out of here.

Or they'll get the little one. Step on them. Yeah, the little bam bam. Yeah. I've stepped up in my sister's house a couple weeks ago and he sends out an emissary. His dad comes down and goes, he requests your presence in the bathroom. Yeah. I'm like, so.

I mean, I'm not going to tell him no. So I got to go stand in the room while this little motherfucker shits. Like, what is this? Why do you like this and he's laughing at us? Like, what do you, this is what they do? What the fuck? Yeah, they don't have good concept of boundaries.

No, no, no, no, they just learn that. They just know it's funny. I make this son of a bit, that one was two, that kid was two. Oh, well. What? That's of a bit. That one was two. That kid was two. Oh, well, what? It's, that's almost a baby. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Anyway. Okay. The cock girls are not, it's not your dad in the disguise. It's ready to rip off the mask. It's just, it's a woman. Just get her to talk to herself. They talk. You don't, you barely have to try.

Just say, you could even speak another language. That'll get them going. Go, uh, uh, J'aime-A-Pelle, Sean. Oh, wow. Is that French? I'm, I'm gonna learn French. I was thinking, I've spent my entire life talking about how I'm about to learn French. Like, oh, then you remember that it's a woman that you're talking to. I don't know. Why was I overthinking this? Right? Yep. Yep. So that's my, yeah, you've just broken the BP oil pipeline. Yeah. No cap on that mother fucker. I have it. Be grateful. Be grateful for this time when it's just eye contact. You know, this will be the best part of your relationship. It's all downhill.

As soon as see, you don't know what you don't know how good you have it, Dan, this guy. Once they start, try to even try not to get her to talk to you. Give her a little note. See if you can get a date without saying anything. That's hot. Give her the phone number. And if she says anything, say you're mute or death. That's a good one. Tell her, just tell her your death,

and she'll never try this on. Just. But then she'll be waving her hands at you all the time. You know, she'll learn to do that. It's like an erotic dance of the Seven Vails. Keep moving. Yeah. Keep her moving.

Let me see if we got anything else. Hey, Dick, I'm listening to the latest episode, having Bick to my junk just last night. This guy shaved his balls with a straight razor. Yep. My balls are clammy and I can physically feel my fart bubbles come out of my crack. All right.

It's great for making loud farts. On the other hand, it's terrible and I can't recommend it. I go in for a trim up with an electric razor. Then I wet shave my face and get carried away with the razor sometimes. That's interesting. Normally regret it within 24 hours.

The fuck does that mean? He shaved his ass. I told you, he shaved his ass, he bicks everything. But then he, oh, so he shaved his face. And then that's what he means right away. Okay, I thought he did the first and then got carried away with the razor and put it on his tongue or something. I mean, it's...

Alan Foster, we're not safe for human consumption. He's the guy that has the hysteria, so audio. Kidney stones, you say. I assist in removing them. God damn it. We do five or six a day, knock the patient out, put them on the surgery table, and then swing their legs up and stir up,

so their junk is out in the open. Stick an instrument that's about 18 inches long into their P hole into the bladder and then the ureter from there either blast the stone with a laser or just pull it out with a grasp or it's medieval, dude, ask me anything. Fuck, oh my God. Do you know how bad the first piss has got a hurt after that? Oh, and it's all like sliced up. I mean, when you're reader is all sliced up.

Yeah. That's got a fucking like piss and a razor blade. Oh, yeah. All right. All right, everybody. This has been the Dixiel. The Dixiel dot com dick dot chill. Check out Patreon Patreon.com slash the Dixiel. Peach, thank you very much for coming in. My pleasure. Do you lock bathroom doors now?

Yeah, I do. Yeah, very, very much for coming in. It's my pleasure. Do you lock bathroom doors now? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Very much so. That's good. I now have my own bathroom ritual for that as well. Uh-huh. Thank you for the songs as well. Thank you.

The nobody knew I was Heather's been stuck in my head ever since you were a little friend. Oh, it's great. It's great. I've got to film a video for that. Yeah, I would love to. I'm so glad you liked that one. It's good.

I'm sure I would have loved the Portland one too, if I had heard any of the lyrics. I mean, maybe I'll put it on my YouTube archive channel. Okay. And your Twitch is twitch.tv slash peach saliva. All right, fun stuff that Twitch. I've been getting really into Twitch lately, Sean. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna play another one from My Room Records. This is the My Room Records, TDS Intro Remix. MyroomRecords.com slash the Dix show. Thanks for listening, everybody. See you

next Tuesday. Oh yeah, I remember this one. Yep. Yeah. Now people say they want to hear the rest of the erotic story. God. Presenting. I feel really bad about what? Please, I gotta, I gotta talk, I gotta tell her I'm really sorry, I didn't know any of that. I don't get what they're all that whole night, I didn't.

Damn. I mean, there's a lot going on. Damn, I'm sick. Sure, she figured it out. I think it's terrible. I got Facebook news. I got another prank call from Brad's and from Losers. Oh yeah. Yeah.

I'll play those two. All right. Hello, Dick. Hello, Dick Hads. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. After last week's revealing discussion on the re-usual of razors, dickheads on Facebook shared even more intimate details regarding what they used to shave with, how much they shave, and if they even shave it all.

The top answer, at about 50% was electric razor and shaving it down to as far as it'll take me. Second place was about 15%. And that was, I rarely do or do not shave at all. There were seven dickheads who said that they maintain a bald private region using actual razors and some dickheads said they even use scissors or nair. Later, Fred Simon created the same pole but much formal, and he also forgot to close the pole. As a result, the top answers include, stick your cock and balls in a rusty bucket of nair, rub peanut butter on my pubes and walk through petting zoos. Next up is Chris Holm, who's having issues with hemorrhoids.

He got a wrist-tried, to quote, self-examine himself, but found that the entrance way to the exam room was a little bit too tight. But he has reason to believe there's something blocking the exit way. He has to exert incredible amounts of work in order to properly shit and he can really use some dick tips. It's not over 30 comments. Not one person told Christy see a doctor right instead.

They can't told him to drink 10 beers, eat more fiber, squatty potty's, stop abusing drugs and just ignore the problem for another week or two. You know, those squatty potty people have done a very bad thing. Have they? Yes. By introducing this new method of pooping and putting it out there, it's put, like the first time I read about that squatty potty nonsense, I thought, well, I mean, is this true or what? Okay, what is the thing? It's like a, it's an attachment that goes on your toilet

or something. Yeah, and you're supposed to, you're supposed to take your pants off or whatever down and then you... Is it to get you to squat more or less? Let's get you to squat entirely. Like, you're supposed to go ahead. Oh sorry I actually have one. Okay here we go. What a surprise. Boy one degree huh?

Yeah one degree of talking about yourself. See this is out this is the kind of line that would work a squatty bodies and actually I have a squatty. Well no I know exactly it just moves your legs up like this so you're in your eyes. Hold on, I know exactly. It just moves your legs up like this. So you're in your knees. Hold on, let me see. What do you mean moves your legs up? Is it like a platform? It's just like a tiny stool just for your feet and then that way you're.

Is it in front of the toilet? Yes. But that is supposed to be the better way to shit, right? Allegedly. Okay, so hold on. Pretend the chair is a toilet. Where is the steps? All right, so they're right at the floor where my feet are. So it's an autumn. Pretend the chair is a toilet. Where is the steps? The chair that you're sitting on?

They're right at the floor where my feet are. So it's an ottoman. And so yeah, it's a shitter. And it's only an otter shit. It's only an otter shit. It's only an yay high, right? Yeah. And then your feet just go up like that to where your knees are up a little more.

So you are more in a squatting position and allegedly. So what it's like a shoe box that you just put under your feet in front of the toilet? I mean, functionally, is that what it is? It's like a bench, and it's shaped to where you put it right up against the toilet. Okay. And then you can just put your feet on it. And it's supposed to straighten out your colon. I guess, to make it easier for things to...

Yeah, see, but I call bullshit, right? On this, because somebody would have figured it out by now, you know? You mean because it's such a lot of work goes into the toilet process. All these like life hacks, this will change your life thing, but I call bullshit on, but then there's still that, and secondly, I don't want a step stool in front of my toilet in my house, because people will make fun of me. But there's always that doubt in my mind, permanently, that this is a real thing that would change my life.

Has it changed yours? What, the Squatty Party? Yeah, what are you doing reading comments about yourself? That this is a real thing that would change my life. Has it changed yours? What, the Squatty Potty? Yeah, what are you doing reading comments about yourself? No, no, I was just checking in, no. Has it changed my life? No. I just, it's just there. Is it different?

Yes. Does it make things different? Does it make things easier? It makes things easier. Yes. Yes, really? Yes. I like it there.

Right, maybe it's time to look into one of these things. I like it. I like it. I like it. I'm like, I like it. I'm like, I like it. I'm like, I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. for an entire week because of a ransomware attack. The IT guy placed the backup drives on the network so they are stuck doing nothing. Furthermore, the IT guy's password for the protection of the entire office was password one.

This has been the Dictator Facebook news for the last couple days. All right, thank you very much. You wanna hear more of a phone losers calls? I got one more. Jerk, Blatt. Say good society. Hey there.

Is this the manager or other person of authority? Ah, yes. Okay, I'm calling from Landwee and Associates, Attorney at Law, or New York City. And I need to confirm that you were, in fact fact the venue that hosted the Dixho a couple weekends ago it was called road rage what is this regarding well we're probably gonna sue you because you're facilitating terrorism for my client they've been harassing him for years now and you're involved now because you're providing a venue and a stage for these people on their campaign of harassment against my client. I am unaware of this.

Yeah, well, you're aware that you hosted the DIC show. You hosted Road Rage a couple of weekends ago. Yeah, that's what you're saying. I'm unaware of this. Oh, no, no, you know they were there. Don't play dumb. You know which places are there. We're suing everyone. Everyone involved. We're suing the grocery store that sold him food while he was there gas stations That work there that night impressive. I didn't know there was a legal prep Not sell food to a person. Well, that's that's why you're not a lawyer sir We're suing the power company up there for providing power to your building during his show

You know that that whole thing that was just to make fun of my client maddox i don't i don't know who you're who your client is but but everyone knows maddox is a best-selling author new york times best-seller i certainly do not don't pretend you don't know who he is you're definitely wrong about your your f**king

your full of shit and my lawsuit against you is going to prove that i'm suing the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that shit and my lawsuit against you is going to prove that I'm suing the shit. You're a sure stacking lady. Lady the stats are like a real professional. Oh, I am a professional. I've been doing this for a long time. I specialize in drunken driving. Well, the thing's totally akin to that. I'm sure you'll be really cut out for it. You'll see you'll we'll see who's laughing once

the lawsuit arrives. You're getting served. You're getting served, motherfucker. Good luck, kiddo. Yeah, I don't need any luck. I'm a professional. You can call him kiddo. Yeah, the microphone company. Who makes your microphones there?

Which microphone? Young up. I got a couple of voice mails. Not a lot. It's funny. He is funny. His show is funny. You know, it's that prank call magic

where you gotta get somebody who's not aware of that there. He calls people and tries to repo their car. See, those are some of my favorites. Let's them know. That's good. Yeah. Or it's when people call him, trying to get stuff out of him,

like telling him that they're gonna repose core That's the last time remember Hey, Jake Tom jumbo from both here. I've got a rage for you. I was just listening to the lost debates Uh, the first episode and you are spot on Stoneers Jesus Christ. I really recently started a trimming job and I was generally hung out with people that aren't stoners and that I smoke weed has always made me a stoner to them. And so I had fallen into this trap.

First time I was listening to that show about I was i was defensive because you know i'm not a piece of shit i'm not the kind of person you're describing what holy shit stoners god every fucking breakers getting in their car and they're doing their bads and it's oh i wouldn't smoke this week i wouldn't smoke that we shut the fuck up everything is about we like every single third you're not you're not better than these people you're not a you're not We shut the fuck up. Yeah, everything is about we, like, every single thing. You're a trimmer too.

You're not better than these people. You're not a grower. You're not like a connoisseur. You're just a drug user who has made your preference in your oats. I don't know. You're like one step away from a blind taste. It's just, God, I want to fucking kill these people sometimes. They way I go like you're someone.

You know what I find is a flashpoint for me is people talking about the thing that you're doing while you're doing it. Yeah, that, oh, they do that. Yeah, it seems like there's a lot of running themes with annoying people. Like that, like he's talking about they're going in their car and smoking weed and then they're talking about weed too. It's like talking about your guitar strings when you're playing guitar. Yeah, that's, that's a little much. Yeah, we're talking about like a movie that you're watching, but talking about the movie. Yeah. It's like, can we just do the thing? I don't know if that's a me thing or a guy thing. Talking about music while listening to music.

Is another one? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If you, yeah. Who actually just sits there and listens to music as a group anymore, though? I mean, maybe if you're out of show. Yeah, but it's, I'd want to talk about something that you're not doing or else it's too, or else it ruins both the talking and the doing it.

If you're talking, if you're smoking weed and talking about weed, you've ruined both. Ha, only do one or the other, right? Watch a movie and talk to me about music. That's fine. Maybe go, you don't go for a stroll with someone and then talk about, talk about walking. Walking. Look at us walking over here.

Putting one foot in front of the other. I've done it. I don't know how much my whole life, well, we did it. It looks like you're doing it too. I noticed that you're doing one foot in front of the other two. They're kind of, they're almost at the same speed that we're doing it. How about that? It's like, this is, this conversation is making me want to walk off of a fucking cliff, dude. Yeah. Yeah. All right. One more, one more, one more.

The big show, the Andrew organ. They live at the thick times. Yeah. the big show Andrew organ a little bit sick times. Yeah, it's good Mixed in wonder what what can we do? I was thinking it's a simple thing really look I think marriage is kind of a weird thing. Yes, I'm there And not for everybody, but I yeah, I just have this weird weird view that if you're a husband I just have this weird view that if you're a husband, do you think three-life advice for us? If you can't get a blowjob, basically on demand from your wife, there's so far wrong with your

marriage, and I'm not even joking here. You can't get a blowjob and give you a blowjob, you fail at doing that, but what's the point really? What's the fucking point? I mean, the same thing goes both ways. If a wife can't get her husband to ever get her out back to Zaj, what are you even doing with your life, you know what I mean? Yeah, I, what are you doing together? What are you doing together? What are you doing? Like people live their lives with such

bizarre constraints on them and on other people and put on them. Like guys who won't just on principle tell their girlfriends that they love them. Go nah, I don't use that word. Like that's an important word. Just fucking do it. Just make things easier. Stop making things hard for yourself and everybody else. That's true. People have relationships that don't even have sex. What the hell, what the fuck is it then? How do you know the difference between it being a relationship

and not being a relationship? It's not. Well, it's a different kind of relationship. Not the one that, not the one that people are talking about when they say, I'm in a relationship like, oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. You're in the thing where you sleep, you can do back rubs and blow jobs. No.

Well, then it's not right, right? Yeah. Oh, me and Sean are in that kind of relationship where nobody's getting their dick sucked. I mean, a relationship with a lot of people like that. Hmm. It always trips me out and I hear how people live their private lives and what they can tolerate. Yeah.

Like, what are you doing, man? You only get one shot at this? Yeah. Don't fucking waste it. It's not that you're gonna die, either. You're getting fatter every year. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, you're getting, yeah, it's right. you're gonna die, either so you're getting fat or every year. Yeah, it's true.

Yeah, you're getting, yeah, it's right. You've got a long time to live. Just a long time to live unfuckable. Unfuckable. Yeah. We're all like athletes. We're like pro athletes. We've got that brief period in our 20s

where we're employable. And then afterwards, it's just used car commercials and thinking about that a couple of years in your life that you should have done more. You should have done more. That you should have done a better job at. Oh yeah, for sure. And then the rest of your life is spent convincing yourself

that it's not a downward trend. Trying to distract yourself from the increasingly spiraling downward trend, trying to distract yourself from the increasingly spiraling downward trend that is having not appreciated the good times. Yeah, if you're not getting, if you're not getting plot jobs, get the hell out of there, man. What are you doing?

Obesity Death Marge says, I'm convincing him that he's doing everything right. Yeah. Jamie says, oh great, someone throw's doing everything right. Yeah. Oh. Jamie says, oh great, someone throw me on a used car lot. One degree. Yeah, one degree. That's a good game show. You get three chicks and then they flash a topic

and they have to buzz in and not talk about themselves. The fight, it's like Jeopardy for women. I'll take, I'll take US history, I'll take US, historical US presidents. This president was shot, kept the union together, abolished slavery and was shot in the back of the head by John Wilkes Booth. Boop, boop, boop.

I remember when I learned about a bram like it uh... sorry uh... bruhu uh... uh... i actually have a dog that i think remind that looks like a bram like it uh... uh... who is

obama correct uh... chick jeopardy leave that in. Ugh. You can see if anybody's else got anything. Moggin' fee. Dick, if my girlfriend doesn't give, head, but also, we'll take the baby if I leave with the fucks.

Oh, man. Ugh. What? Ugh, we'll take the baby if I leave. Uh, what do I do? Oh, man. What do you do? What, can you turn that around? You get head from somebody else.

That's a good point. Or just get like a really sassy HJ. You think she'll give him a sassy HJ? Yeah, why not just like a nice, a good old fashioned HJ? Yeah, get head from somebody else. And then don't tell her. Yeah, don't, yeah.

I mean, it's an answer. Yeah, if you're not getting what you want, get it somewhere else. You can live with yourself. Well, you might take a couple times, but you could work that out of your system. You can certainly justify it. Yeah, like remember the Nazis were normal people.

Yeah, they just, that's right. Slowly did these things, right? I always remember that. Stanford prison experiment, they just, that's right. Slowly did these things. That's right, right? Uh huh. I always remember that. Stanford prison experiment, normal people. You can just, you just do it enough times. You can, you can get over feeling like a piece of shit. There are no Sassy HJC sense.

Mm. Ah, woof. I don't know. That's rough. Fuck you guys are right. Yeah, man. He only sells meth, he says. Alexander, Hamrick right. Yeah, man. He only sells meth. He's Alexander Hammrich hand jobs suck. Peach, what kind of bullshit are you sprouting? No, I disagree, my friend. You haven't had a sassy good old-fashioned blow or it's J then. Yeah, you give yourself hand jobs every day. That doesn't suck. I know that doesn't suck. Chick shepardy. I wanna see that.

I wanna make that video. Obama. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, correct. 100 points. Uh oh, this is our daily double. And then it just shows a picture of you. That's the, uh oh oh oh oh oh oh.

Daily double, daily double. One of you has a birthday coming up next week. Right? How much are you gonna, how much are you gonna wager on this one? I'll wager it all, Dick. I'll wager a thousand dickles on this one. Okay, the answer is, you want to go, you want your boyfriend to buy you flowers for your birthday. Like, ah!

See, thing not talk about themselves is directly about them. That's the joke I'm trying to make. Find that's final jeopardy. What would be, I guess it's just regular jeopardy. That's what makes it funny. But it's final. Yeah. Category is withering heights.

Jamie, my birthday is actually coming up next week. Wapam, no. What band it says, have you ever jerked off with a warm tortilla? No, it seems like there'd be a lot of shaving. Oh yeah, why haven't I blurred you out, Peach? I don't know if I could do that. Don't you dare. Just a little bit. No wait here.

Just enough to give me an ethereal glow. There. Now everybody knows. Fuck sake. I hope you're proud of yourself. We're here with Peach Slava. Oh. Waving with her flipper. Oh, God.

See ya. See ya. Thanks. Bye. I'm blurring you fucking. Bye. Hahaha. And blur you fucking.