The Dick Show - Episode 95 - Dick on Chutzpah

Episode Date: March 27, 2018

Pornhub: The Promised Land of de-platforming, taking protesting teenagers off the streets for their own safety, gearing up for "The Revenge of the Jedi", the Squatty Potty debate, Maddox's attempt at a $2,545 shakedown, how to tell if a chick is ovulating, Captain Jack*ss investigates Dustin's Dickumentary, how many chicks is too many chicks, the Omnibus bill, eating hair, Ron Babcock is "sorry not sorry", and Chutzpah explodes all over the lolsuit with a new motion for sanctions; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

What do you have pegboard here for? It's you hang on the wall. So you can hang tools from it or what? Well, no, I hung up all the audio cables. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. Man, the joke is on me for posting any type of DIY home improvement project on the internet. I mean, yeah, here, let me start the show.

Okay. Welcome to dick. You want to take a new dick? You love dig. You got it, it's the show where everything is a contest. Coming to you live from a mountain bunker deep in the heart of the city of failure. I am your host, Dick Masterson, the $20 million man. The $20 million man with me is always a Sean the audio engineer. Hello, tell you what's up, buddy. DIY projects, man. Don't make the mistake

of posting those online. Okay. It's just an internet full of your dad. Hey, guys, check out this thing that I did. I put some pegboard up to clean up the studio a little bit and keep mine, keep to just fight the never ending battle of keeping my house from being a forbidden temple, a forbidden Aztec temple, where you have to tip toe around, where everything in the house can destroy you. That's what, you know, that's what the ancient temples were, the pyramids and the temples with the artifacts and things and Indiana Jones and the booby traps. That wasn't made to stop people from coming in. That was just a guy who got too busy and couldn't keep his stuff together

and is why it's like, wow, where did you put all the boys and darts? And he's like, I'll clean them up in a bit. I just got to go to this. First of all, my life coach and I are going to the beheading festival. And then we're gonna go play that game where they kick rocks through hoops, that's like sideways, we're gonna go play some sideways basketball, down at the field. And the losers are getting sacrificed.

So don't fuck, don't get in my head about poison darts today. And trick platforms that you put things on. I got it balanced perfectly, so it stays there. I got to clear my head and get them move the idol and put it somewhere else because I got a lot of the shit tangled up in there. So just let me go to the sideways basketball game

and not get sacrificed and then you fucking got it. I'll come home and I'll do it. But as of now, it's gotta just be this mess, this self-contained mess. Yeah, they're on different pages as far as priorities go. That's just one of these inside ways, sacrifice basketball. And I got the wires everywhere that you gotta,

they're like, they're like, Caltrops, these wires, because you walk around, you barefoot and they're like, Legos, they're like, adult, they're like, Engineer Legos, the wires, you step on them wrong. You've got to do a little twist to get through. Like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, and as your tip toe into the bathroom, especially terrible drugs,

so I try to clean up a little bit. Mm-hmm. Get the great idea to put up some pegboard. Yeah. Diversital, it's cheap. It's white, it matches the wall. No one could, other people have done it. I'm white. It matches the wall. No one could, other people have done it.

I'm not reinventing the wheel here. I've seen pegboard up. So I say, look at this great thing that I did. I just take a little picture of it, put it on the internet, right? Okay, check out this little thing on the pegboard here. First comment. Are those a woman's hands? No, those are, okay, you motherfucker.

Hey, Dick, why are you putting up a pegboard? This is what a pegboard is for. Just a garage full of tools and you're okay. You sons of, okay, I get it. I get it. I made a mistake of showing that I was proud of something and now it's a how small is your penis contest. I've walked right into a penis contest,

thinking that I was with my, thinking it was show and tell. Well, life's a problem. Life's a penis contest. It is. As it turns out. And that's what they, they don't, you know, they stop doing show and tell

with the children because it makes other children feel bad. I don't know why they stop doing it, but it should continue through high school. Yeah. Because that is life. Show and tell is life. Final exams where you're being tested on things

that you can Google, that Google's probably Googling for you. By the way, listening to you, while you're just going around the house talking about cat food, and then all of a sudden you're getting cat food ads, Google's Googling it for you. You don't need to know any of the things

you're being tested on in school. Except for the skills that you learn in show and tell. Mm-hmm. It should be, that should be the only, every all of high school should be once a week. The whole fucking school is getting together to watch this motherfucker show and tell. You better be fucking ready.

Like the Hunger Games, it's show and tell, right? This is the future dystopia. You get your PowerPoint together because that's what you need in life. PowerPoints. You don't need to know shit about Bale Wolf. You don't need to know. All high school English teaches you how to do

is get jokes that they read on the Daily Show. References that they make on the Daily Show. You know, that's funny. There's a lot of truth to that. You don't fucking need any of that, any of that humanity's horse shit. You can understand Dennis Miller's comedy. But yeah, you know, yeah, except he's conservative

so I don't wanna dump on him on the Daily Show. But I mean, he was always like, he would make a bail wolf reference. Yeah, like it's just and everyone. I heard of that. Yeah. Yeah. I heard of that.

I heard of that. Like Stephen Hawking. Everybody, everybody's shitting themselves. Oh, as a smartest guy ever. Really? How, then why didn't he get a Nobel Prize? Because you can't like prove that black holes would operate with data then.

Why? Why? Because you know him? Because you know him? Because you black holes evaporate with data then. Why? Why? Because you know him? Because you fucking know him, that's why. There's a road to book that 10 million people didn't read and just put on their coffee table and then started talking about

and make believe scientific afterlife because they're too embarrassed to admit that they need God in their life. Is that why he's fucking famous and he gave that to you? Now people are killing themselves right now, dick. You know, I got a lot of really funny voicemails today. Do you really? Yeah, so that's why I have the pegboard, Sean.

Yeah. To hang up wires, that's it. To try to just take the chaos and give it some order and it's a problem. It's a logistical nightmare and it's also a human nightmare because the crabs pull you down, Sean. The crabs pull you down and they should because if you can eventually, the last crab will pull your body down

and you spear it will climb out of the pit. And I keep your white collar, might cable hang it ass, you're supposed to use it for tools. Yeah, you get some, you get some, fraud, get some manhands. That's what I'm at it. Get some manhands while you're supposed to use it for tools. Yeah. And you get some, you got some fraud. Get some manhands. That's what I'm at it.

Get some manhands while you're at it. Get some manhands to control everything by voice in your house. Yeah. That's gonna be the, that's gonna be the, that's the future. It's gonna be, you know, you're gonna, you're gonna go for a like a manny petty, like women have these, have these go to sexualize themselves, right? Okay.

With their nails and their makeup, they just wanna look like they're constantly orgasming. Okay. That's why they look like that, you know? Uh-huh. But for men, it's gonna be, you're gonna go get a man-e-petty and they're gonna rough up your hands.

Like, okay, yeah. The future is gonna be so lazy that you're gonna go ever like to get Calis. Yeah. Hey bro, we were at the Calis farm, the Calis box. Yeah. Like where you a bunch of dudes sitting around getting their hands roughed up by a little old Korean ladies. Maybe not old because you can't tell. Yeah, you know, it's true. I like throwing a little anchor of racism throughout. So it's relatable.

Oh yeah, yeah, come on. Yeah, you can't tell. You can't tell. And then across from you, it's gonna be the guys doing CrossFit. That's still going, that'll still be going. Yeah, it's fun. You get it when Jamie was here.

She would do it. Yeah, you get to throw around a bunch of tires and shit, right? I mean, yeah, it's like CrossFit is religion for men because you don't sit still. Like so much, so much of society that's anti-male is about sitting still and they just said, well, we'll do our own dumb vocabulary and like teamwork shit and like mutual obligations,

like obligating you to the pack because you're more likely to sacrifice things for someone else than you are for yourself. But we'll just let you run around and goof around and throw fucking cables and wiggle things. Yeah. And we'll put the hottest, the hottest chicks in this, the gym looks like a dumper.

The regular gym looks like a curves to me now. Yeah. After fucking JLH is CrossFit intervention. That's what I'm saying. This one's Dick on Hutzpah. It's coming out on Tuesday this episode. Coming out on Tuesday, and that'll be the motion to dismiss. Yeah, that's right.

I heard on Tuesday. And as we said, Nick Rackett's the other night. Oh, did you? Oh, yeah. You're in there too. I'm in there too. Everybody's in there. Yeah. You know, he's he's so fucking good, man. That guy. He is. And he's got a new format where he goes straight through the document and does questions at the end. Yeah. Because before he would stop and talk to people. And then he was acted. Yes. Because I'm like, no, man, I want to like, no, it's a good, it's a good move on his part, I think. Yeah.

He was just, he was just reading the, he was just reading the, the, the ones with the, the high-lighted ones with the donations. Yeah. Um, that many, you know, of them. It's funny. He's, like, he's going out every week and entertaining the truck, the truck adero full of people reading these legal documents.

Yeah, amazing. Well, he's got some real charisma, too. Yeah. You know, he does have some presence. So it's, you know, and he's got that no swearing thing. Yeah. Hmm.

That's a tasty, somebody made a reference gimmick. Somebody made a reference to butt farming or something, or he read it as butt farming. Yeah, he read it as butt farming. He won't even say ass, but he will say, quif, he said quif a number of times. Maybe he read it is. Yeah, he read it as but farming. He won't even say ask, but he will say, Quief, he said Quief a number of times.

Maybe he doesn't know that's at least crass. Oh, I don't know. No. There was also, there was a time when he did. I think he said, Twatt. He did? He said, Twatt one time, I think. Oh my, he's breaking bad.

I'm trying to have an effect on him. Yeah. He's having an effect on me too. Like I found this, I had this niggling thought last week like maybe I need religion. I was like, I don't have, get out, get out here, get out, get out of here, get out of here, get out of here, get out of here, get out of here, get out of here,

I got my science. I have science that says there's many universes and that my life is happening in an infinite number of ways and all possible ways. I don't need God. I have science to tell me that there's a multitude of universes where I am not of this, where I'm not a failure. And that there's in spirituality lives on through science.

And doesn't you idiot? I don't need some stupid book that was written 2000 years ago. I have this book that was written 30 years ago. Thank you very much. That was never proven. And if black and if, if, if Hawking radiation is real, then why is the universe full of exploding black holes? It's all I want to know. I've seen a few who gets the chair. That's what I want to. I don't even know what that means. Who gets his chair? Is it going in a museum? I don't even know what that means. Who gets his chair? Is it going in a museum? I don't know. His chair?

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Is it right around that fucking thing? Is it an important scientific artifact? Or is it morbid and crass to display, what I mean, the chair? There's a lot of people who did not know he was British.

Because it's a computer. Right. It spoke in an American accent. Yeah. I don't know, God bless them. What a fucking life, but it's funny. No kidding. It's funny.

70s, I mean, he might be the longest lived person with ALS. Really? Yeah. The average diagnosis is like, from time of diagnosis to death, is like two to three years. I mean, you know what, he should get a Nobel Prize in his hook and up with his caretaker. Yeah, right. Man, pulling that fucking pivot.

When you're basically ahead in a jar, that's some serious fucking game. That's quantum level of playersmanship. I'm gonna give him is there should be a Nobel prize in pimping. It's impressive. Give him a posture. It's impressive. That's impressive. I mean, you're talking, I don't want to think about it any further. I mean, look, Arnold Schwarzenegger

is the biggest Chad on earth. And he's married to Skeletor. And then he had an affair with Grimis. Right? Yeah. But this is Steven. If you ever need evidence that you can do it as if no matter what your situation is as a man, just look at this. The world's biggest chad is married to a skeleton, is married to Jack Skellington, and putting all his resources into cheating on her with Grimmis. With Grimmis.

And then Stephen Hawking, the man in the chair, married and hooking up with his caretaker who I assume is a beautiful woman. I don't know, but is there anything you need to know about your excuses, Sean. True. About your excuses. It's true. About being shy. Maybe I don't have a lot of experience.

I don't have any money to brag about. I'm unemployed. Like this guy's talking, this guy can only text. Okay, with his fucking eyes. He's fucking, yeah. Remove that from your quiver and see how far you get. Don't give me these. Don't come looking for sympathy here.

Don't do science thinking about Stephen Hawking. You think about hitting on broads, you think about that's who you go to. You know, that is the pantheon of the greatest mind of all time. Yes, yes, exactly. I'm kidding around. I hope no one's offended by this by this rant Because I don't want to go to jail like Count Dracula. Oh boy. Get sentenced get found guilty of causing mass offense. Yeah Stick on Hutzpah Hutzpah today

Hutzpah so this is coming out Tuesday Tuesday is gonna be the big day where the motion to dismiss is heard. It might be being heard while you're listening to this on Tuesday. It's either going to be one of the best days of my life or one of the worst days for America. Yes. Yeah, it's gonna be one big party for a man or one giant kick in the dick for mankind.

That's what it's going to be on Tuesday. And I'm very much looking forward to it at this point. The nerves and anxiety have fallen away to anticipation and page turnery. I just want to know how it ends. Yeah, that's it. And I will tell you this, if it ends, if it ends, how it ends. Yeah, that's it. And I will tell you this, if it ends, if it ends how it should, if my motion is dismissed, or if Maddox's motion is dismissed,

and my motion to dismiss is awarded, you know, I just, and if I win, yes, Maddox loses, yes, as he is want to do. Yep. And as his lawyer has done many times, then we begin the third, then it is going to be the fucking return. You know, you know what the original name of return of the Jedi was? Was revenge of the Jedi. Revenge of the Jedi. Yeah. That's what we're

fucking going into. They changed revenge of the fucking Jedi. They changed it to save on printer ink. They changed it because Jedi's don't seek revenge. This one does. Yeah. They should. The third, the third act of the third movie in this trilogy is revenge of the mother fucking Jedi. I am going to, I am going to entite and enslave a tribe of Ewok lawyers and shoot them straight up Maddox's ass. I don't care what it, I'm going to paint myself gold and find a planet full of Ewok lawyers. As you should.

It's going to be, it's going to, it's going to turn on a fucking dime. It should be, it should be absolutely ruthless. And this ramshackle affair will be brought down. Yeah. Yeah. Brought down upon the world. Mm-hmm. Fuck the survivors. It should be absolutely merciless. Oh, yeah. Oh, if this kid, please fucking Stephen Hawking, please science, let this be dismissed. Please let's me in the universe of all the multiple universes where this one works out for me, and it doesn't go poorly. This is gonna be because we have not had a lot of wins this last week.

Daniela got punked by the sheriff of Nottingham some geriatric fascist with a hard on for Punishing random comedians because the justice system is apparently done all it needs to do to keep us safe Right and doesn't want to and knows that we will disband it if they've done their work, you know as presumably in the future Presumably the future we're going towards has no justice system, right? Because we don't need it. Because we don't need it.

Because we are not want for anything. No, it's all been solved. Because we have resources aplenty. We can manipulate matter to our hearts content, so we don't need these laws, right? Right. Right? That's what we're all. I would like everybody in the justice system

to sign that terms of service realizing that we're trying to disband this thing as quickly as possible, right? You're on board for that, right? Raise the hand and swat, before we give you the stupid wig that lets you run people's lives, raise your hand and say,

this is not the goal. Cause I don't think everyone realizes that. Who's in it? Nope. No. Spensing their own justice. Yeah. It's really, really. This whole, it's so short-sighted.

I want, you remember when those, the cracked comedy podcast was, um, dryly making fun of me for being very, very, very, very anti-censorship. Yes. I mean, gee, you fucking very anti-censorship. Yes. I mean, gee, you fucking wonder why. Yeah. We think that. You wonder why, because we get hunted like randomly and dragged across the coals and crucified by a court for doing basically nothing.

You fucking wonder why we're so, and so very, very, very anti-sensorship. Hutzpah, Tuesday is the day. You know what else? Tuesday's Maddox's birthday. Tuesday's Maddox is 40th birthday. Wow. Yeah. And I want that. Oh.

I want that dismissal gift wrapped and shoved right up his skinny fat ass. Cause that guy is the fucking that guy is Maddox is the archetypal villain in that he thinks he's doing right, which is worse. No, it's a most dangerous person. There is someone who is sure that they are correct. And never once thinks that they might not be correct. Someone without any self doubt is a dangerous, dangerous person. Yeah.

Did you see Nick Rackett's uncovered this, but when Maddox filed for a default judgment against the stereos, Greenberg or a stereos is lawyer who's maybe the funniest lawyer in the world. He's absolutely hysterical and I can only, I can only imagine that he knows, he knows the judges that you're basically working with on these. I mean, because he's putting in a lot of zingers. You know, he's like, and he's like the perfect, he's like a reenate, Reese's peanut butter cup of lawyer and Jew.

He's perfectly mixed with the comedy of one and the lawyer of the other. I know, I'm too much the same thing. The other, the other, the other night, he's like a Jewish comedian. Yeah, 80s girl, I was like, what's he like? I'm like, well, you know, not too much lawyer, not too much Jew. He said he was attacked.

I'm kidding. Like a rabid dog. Yeah, he said, he said, he said, land out attacked, attacked them like a rabid dog. Yeah. Yeah, he said, he said, he said land out attacked, attacked them like a rabid dog. Yeah. Guys amazing. He's funny, I really wanna talk to him.

Funny dude. Yeah. I've never never talked, we don't, you know. It makes me think, I mean, he's, he must be listening to this show. I don't know. I think he is. I don't believe that anybody couldn't not listen to this show. Yeah, well, you know, how would you, everybody wants to know how

it's going to end? Sean. No self doubt. You're definitely dangerous. So this was, I found this to be the, the funniest part of the new green burgers revenge documents. Or yeah, green burgers revenge. Like, it's like monosumas revenge. Like it's like Monizuma's revenge accepted Stioreo straight in Maddox's mind. Yeah, you just shit out money. Yeah. So Landau filed this motion for default judgment against the stereos, which means you automatically lose.

A stereos like didn't answer. Well, because he didn't answer yet. So Landau said, default judgment he loses and filed this. Yeah. And everybody, Greenberg said, because he fucked up the dates. So, Lanna said, default judgment he loses and filed this. Yeah. And everybody, Greenberg said, because he fucked up the dates. Yeah. Like learn to fucking count. Yeah.

Count above, like count above, you got to count above 20. And he had his brother do that. Yeah. So the funniest thing was, in his Greenberger said, hey, just letting you know that the time hasn't passed. Do you want to withdraw your emotion?

Because it's wrong. Because you miscounted. Like this isn't a legal argument. This is a numbers argument. Yeah, you're just, I mean, that's dumb. Are you so progressive that you think numbers mean what they want to? Because we're years away from that. We're still in the world where we at least all consider numbers to insane. Although, I don't know. And Landows replied a green burger was, we'll do it for $2,545. Well, I love that amount too. Wait, what? Yeah.

Now, here's what Nick said on the stream. It's because per hour, he would have had to charge Maddox that much to unfile it. Yeah. So that means he's running up a huge bill over there. Just, but it didn't, the audacity of, oh yeah, I, yeah, tell you what, for, for, for $2,500, so I'll take it back, I'll pull it back. Like, is this a, is this a shake down or what?

I know what a shake down looks like and feels like. That's what it is. Oh man, a mother fuckers. Right out in the open. Anyway, hey speaking of the fucking balls, man. The chutzpah. Yeah, it is. That's what it is. That's the chutzpah.

A mutual friend of ours described that term perfectly. And they said, chutzpah is murdering your parents and then asking the judge for mercy because you're an orphan. Yeah, that's the perfect analogy. Oh yeah, that's the perfect analogy. And it is, it's like the fucking balls on you, man.

The fucking balls to do that, to say that with a straight face. With a straight face. Seriously. Hutzpah, I never knew what the definition of it was until Greenberger spelled it out in a legal document. See what I'm saying? Perfect.

Jew and Leicard. Like, then you got perfect miles. I forget what he said. It was his filing of sanctions after being accused of, after being notified that he was in violation of an ethics company to immediately flip it around it. Yeah. That's the Chutzpah. That is a flip it around it. Yeah, that's the Hutzpah.

That is a perfect example of it. God, it's been funny. All right. Speaking of good intentions going awry, have you seen this march for our lives? Yeah, I've said, yeah, how can you not? Yeah, here's all I have to say. If all these kids have time to protest

and take away my AR-15s, then why don't we give them something to protest about? That's the old dad slogan, right? If you want something, if you're crying, I'll give you something to cry about. And I'm gonna say this to the kids, you don't beat dad. You might get a couple in on dad, but you don't beat dad ever. So if you're gonna protest, I say we give the kids something to protest about.

We had a slogan in fast food. If you've ever worked at a fast food joint. If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean. Yeah. If you've ever worked at a fast food joint, if you got time to lean, you got time to clean. Yeah. You want to skip out on class to fiddle around with rights? I got one right off the top that I think we could do without. And that's teenagers driving.

56% say they are on the phone or texting while they're driving. I got some more stats. 33% of deaths in teenagers occurred in motor vehicle crashes, not within AR 15 shot, with a car. Where are they driving? There's plenty of unemployed adults in America. I'm sure we don't need teenagers. The dumbest, at the dumbest point they are in their life and definitely the dumbest dem- at the dumbest point they are in their life and definitely the dumbest

demographic doing jobs that unemployed adults could do. So they don't need to drive to work. They can't vote so they don't need to go exercise their privileged to vote. If they've got time to lean, they've got time to clean. If they're coming after dad's AR-15, then I say dad takes the fucking car away. Because I'm a lot more afraid of a teenage driver texting and crying about their boyfriend or girlfriend that they're probably not even gonna fuck because they don't know how to use their dicks yet.

Then I am of a wild AR-15 going off around me. Yeah. Me too. I think we fucking all are. Yeah. Um, uh, 235,000 teenagers were treated in emergency departments for injuries suffered in a motor vehicle crash in 2015. Hmm.

2300 teenagers were killed. Yeah. It's a lot more than, you know, 20. Yeah. Hmm. I mean, it's not a right. I don't see anywhere in the constitution that says teenagers should be able to drive cars and that it's important to protect against tyranny by giving them a fucking mobilized

bomb, death machine and letting them tear around, tear ass around out on the road. I fucking want to take it from them because they, I'm so tired of these arrogant little cocksuckers telling me what I'm allowed to do. I have, I have put in a lot more into this system than you little motherfuckers. God, you're so much more fun than this system than you little motherfuckers. God, you're so much more fun than I ever thought you would be middle-aged.

Why? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Because you're like me now. Oh. Ha ha ha ha. Sean, you know, I wait every morning. I wake up hoping that someone else's rights are being taken away in America. I go, today they banned the pinata and I would say, oh, I suck for somebody else that's not me today,

because I don't give a fuck about pinatas. Yep. Yep. Oh, that's great. Today they banned you from calling yourself the mommy to your dog. Oh, sorry, ladies. Sorry, where's your fucking guns, bitch? How are you gonna stop the government

from taking that away from you? Today, the government announced that if you replace your ours with elves, you could be hit with a $10,000 fine. Oh, what? Oh, ah, I guess that, holy shit. Yeah, I guess there is, I guess the white Horace shit. Yeah, I guess the, I guess there is, I guess the white man really is going out of control keeping everybody down now.

But until then, it seems like it's all fucking getting taken away from me. And I don't think I'm exaggerating. Every day, I hope the fucking Grinch came. Every fucking day, I hope the Grinch came, but every fucking day, it's Santa. Every fucking day I hope the Grinch came, but every fucking day it's Santa. Every fucking day it's dad has to show up and give these whining cocksuckers more of his stuff.

Santa has a limited amount of stuff. And he's giving it away every day. Mm-hmm. I just want the Grinch to come and take it fucking back. And actually fucking dump it off the top of Mount Crumpet or whatever the yeah. 10,000 feet up. Yeah. I'm the fucking dad now.

Right. And we're taking the car back. You want to fuck around with guns? We're taking a fucking car back. Good, good luck. Hooking up on a bike on a tandem bicycle. Your little piece of shit, David Hogg. You fucking pretty boy cocksucker, go take all your,

take your adoring thing, go have a, have a fucking naked livestream on Twitch, you piece of shit, good fucking luck getting off with that, without a car, take their fucking cars, make it harder to drive. First, you gotta pass a range test to prove that you support American rights by shooting, right? Having a, yeah. Ah, it's simple, simple drivers test.

Bring your AR-15 out. Testing and eye coordination. Yes, we're testing, because you're in, like you said, you're in control of like a, you bring some $1,000, because your brain's underdeveloped right now at this age. That's medically true, or biologically true.

You're not done. You know what? Miner in possession. It's now a fucking felony. Good luck getting chicks sauce up now. Your little pricks. You want to have some fun on spring break? Fun's for dad now.

I'm the fucking I'm the teenager now. You see this? I'm drinking on spring break. Your fun's fucking over, because you couldn't keep your hands away from dad's guns. They look too good. They look too fun. You didn't want dad to have any fun in his life.

You gotta take away the few things he fucking has. You grounded. Forever. Forever. You're fucking grounded. Goddamn. It's the only I don't know what else to do you got time to protest Okay, okay, if you saw him to march about you guys have to I get it. I get it You know every every movie every video game you get all powered up by the end, right? Yeah, and the next game

There's some cockamami reason why you got to lose all that shit and start over and nothing stupid. They always have some kind of reason, but that's what we're doing. Every new generation of teenagers, we got to just take it all away. Why can't we drive? Well, we, well, you know, the space, the space laser shot America and lost everyone's their rights. So it's your job to get those rights back you gotta go learn about why they're important

you got to go through the whole game again i know you like games you'll mother fuckers because that's all you do is play games and dick off and you think and you think this is a game that's what that is what it you think this protest and activism is a fucking game and it is not a game. Uh, obviously there's a lot of good teenagers. Listen to this show.

I think they're probably incensed about it too. No one wants to see the kiss ass. No one wants to see the high school kiss ass on television getting praised by a bunch of, listen, listen, that's exactly what they don't need. Yeah. It's gonna push them over the edge into becoming a really terrible person. Yeah.

It's not, I'll tell something for the kids out there who hate the kiss asses, right? Yeah. Cause I remember being a teenager and you should know it's fucking kiss asses. They're always kissing the adults as ass. And I always get all the praise and the credit fuck you. The adults that are praising them and holding those are our kiss asses.

They grow up into other kiss asses. Of course. And have a little economy of kiss asses or anything, or they don't do God they don't do anything but kiss each other's ass and Co-operate to take all of our shit away. Mm-hmm 16-agers died every day from motor vehicle injuries. Gosh, I mean, I can't why would we? Is we had a march for the lives of these of these six children a day? Did Marco Rubio have anything to do with that? Are any senators marching to protect the lives of these six children a day. Did Marco Rubio have anything to do with that? Are any senators marching to protect the lives of these teenagers from dying in cars?

I sure hope so, Sean. Not only should they not drive, but they should have five point harnesses and helmets. And the car, because their brains are still soft. Pink helmets. So opposing traffic can see them more better. Yeah, that's what I need Little with little propellers on them so they get in a car wreck. They fly away from the scene You little straight to a hospital fucking bastards. Oh

Man revenge of the Jedi revenge of the Jedi It's coming yep the fucking white hot lightsaber right up your ass hole. A serious shut for a man lightsaber. No, no, no, lightning only. Yeah. That's the fucking, dad's lightsaber comes right out of his cock.

Mm-hmm. Here you go. You went, oh, it's all the little Luke Skywalker's out there. Gonna get their fucking lightsaber down. It's like, boom, I got a dick lightsaber. You wanna mess around with the guy's dick. Now it's in your fucking mind. You don't want that.

You don't know what dad is capable of. No. It's his shorts is bigger. Dad is hard. Don't fuck with them or you will lose your fucking car. Uh, what is that Beach Boys song about taking the tea bird away? Yeah, fun, fun, fun, fun. Your fun, fun, protesting is fun, fun, fun.

Yeah, being on TV is fun, fun, fun. Your little hashtags with Twitter's stupid little emoji built into the hashtags, fun, fun, fun. But Daddy's gonna take your fucking car away for your own safety. Yeah. For your own safety. Yeah. For your own safety. Yeah.

You shouldn't be allowed to drive. Suck on that. You pretty boy. But that's not why they're doing it. That's not why they're doing it. No, it's, it is. Safety. It's for your fucking safety, man.

Don't worry. I'll hold you apart. Why don't you do it, but it's not for safety. It's for safety. Maybe it's 20 even. Maybe it shouldn't be 18. You mother fuckers stay on insurance until you're 24, right? Maybe that's the right age to drive them when you can afford your own fucking insurance. And we know you don't vote because you couldn't push Bernie through. You're too fucking stupid

to know that the super delegates was waiting to fuck you the entire time. Because you don't listen in class. Cause you don't fucking listen. Yeah, yep. I want those cars. I want their fucking cars. I want their licenses. Fuck them.

Let's take them. Even if it's just in California, I'll settle for that. Settle for that. No, anyway, let me play song. Have land outfile a suit. Against all kids. Yeah. Uh, I have become Maddox.

Destroy your fun. Hmm. I'm gonna play a... It's from Ken Dallin' Heide, it's called My Journalist. Yay. Hey, fuck dick, hey, fuck dick, hey, fuck dick, where's my journal live? I've been searching for a man who's still somehow my fan. Just to find, to find my journal is, who does his interviews. They solely on the views.

Yes, I need, I need my journal is. Oh, that's not simple. Hey, madass, I'm your little journalist. You'll love this. I won't call you on your ship. Yes, yes, yes. I'm your little turtle, man. And so, let's look at these animal dicks.

Taking a dip. These dickheads are a real pain in the bottle. I've been searching on YouTube and here on Twitter too. Just to find, to find my by journalists someone who will shell and keep himself loopheld yes I need I need my journalist hey watch this I'm your little journalist I make ten dollar polls only cover news at all I'm your little journalist

Dick Sweets are mercil lips my job's hard and dangerous Fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, fuck dick, You're a stand-up guy. I can tell I'll let you have one of my unbiased polls for free Do you think a Him tools the best journalist in the world or be Sonic is stupid. Hey wow, thanks Fuck My journal is great Catchy, thank you very catchy catchy catchy. I think Tim pool got Kimball band from Twitter. Oh really? yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah, let me wait, I'm gonna wish him luck. Hey, uh, Hey, Stereo, see you there. Yeah, hey, one sec.

Oh, one second. Where are you? It's a grocery store. I will honestly listening to the show because I like it. Yeah. Hey, man, I just wanted to tell you good luck. Good. I just want to. Okay, guys, yeah, hey, I just wanted to tell you good luck sincerely because this is probably the last time we'll talk before we're either invincible or destroyed. Can you believe this crazy?

And you know what, here's the thing though, unfortunately, it may not even be over on Tuesday. What do you mean, why? Because, I mean, I can't get too far. Well, you can't talk about it. You should have put there, you should have put there, but there are, well, I mean, but there are a lot of motions in motion.

Like, you know, it's so funny, this thing has, this like one suit has blown up into like a bunch of little tiny ones. So they're not going to decide on hours that day? Well, they may they may not. Okay. You don't know we got to find out. And there are also other pieces of this thing that are still in play that are not slated for that day. So it's kind of like well, sorry I talked to you. This is Austin. I thought this would be the end. Now you fucking ruined it with all of your knowledge with your knowing of things. Sorry, buddy. Hey, you got anything that makes you a rage today? I know you can't talk about the lawsuit. Do you got anything that makes you a rage?

Uh, not really. I will say that I will say one thing though. Um No one is talking about how this is pretty much just the tournament of nerds. Have you noticed that? No. I'm not kidding. I met Staples today printing out a giant something on three foot by two foot poster board to bring to the thing. You're not doing it on company time on company property.

I mean in Weber sandwich is basement printing out a sign using their using their CLC's using a market research team to put together the perfect slogan. No comment, no comment, no comment, no comment, no comment, no comment, no comment, I think that was all of them. But I'm not kidding, like I'm having a it's two foot by three foot. Yeah, it's it's it's going to it's two foot by three foot. Yeah. It's, it's gonna be pretty non-foam core. Yeah.

And I'm bringing it to the thing. And it's a very important piece of the thing. All right. Well, that's a go. It's gonna be a, it's gonna be a great Tuesday no matter what. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely no kidding. A lot of people have reached out about like, oh, we want to hang out with you that night and drink with you either way. Okay. I don't know. Shoot me a DM or email me or something. One of us will figure it out. Yeah, you're an attention horror. You'll get the word out there. Yes. We can trust that. Thanks for the thanks for the insult on the way out. I'm going to keep keep listening to your show. This is going through. So the first for all your gun control bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna lose you.

I'm gonna lose you, I'm gonna lose you, I'm gonna lose you. Take his car too. Yeah, I'm gonna take his鑰匙's car too. You show me, show me in the constitution where it says I can't do that. I mean, clearly Trump will sign anything now. Right. Fucking, that motherfucker.

Uh, Trump. Oh yeah, I'm the best bill. Uh, I almost burned my fucking signed hat. Oh, okay. Well, sorry, everyone. Guess never thought that he would do that. I'm my bad. My bad.

My bad. I thought I elected a businessman, but it turned out I'm not my bad. My bad. My bad. I thought I elected a businessman, but it turned out I elected a shill. My bad. Sorry. What are you gonna do? Just write a check for it. If they're not shills before, they become.

I couldn't believe that. Trump's military pandering is gotten worse than Lady Ghostbusters. It's gotten worse than... It's gotten worse than girls. Trump's military pandering has gotten worse than Lady Ghostbusters. It's gotten worse than, it's gotten worse than Girls Trump's military pandering has gotten worse than every like woman-powered entertainment product in the fucking world.

It is easily is aggravating. Oh, I gotta have the military like, motherfucker, the military has never come to my house and put food on my table, okay? I don't need that. I need my five grand that you just signed away with this fucking omnifuck, omnif, the shit of this bill. What, at $1.2 trillion, $200 million Americans is

like five grand a pop. I need my fucking money. I don't need a strong military. I need my fucking money. You cock sucker. I need my money. You forgot how to pay checks. You prick. You've been tweeting too much. You forgot you forgot that we don't that most of America doesn't run on tweets. It runs on fucking money sending it to Jordan and Syria doesn't help me. This is true. Did you did you see the The cloud act that Is this too political today? I don't know. Yeah, fucking obnoxious. I've been away from the headlines for the last few days or so.

Well, that was take a break. Well, in the Shittabish bill, was a cloud act saying that supported by Google and Facebook and all these people saying that now they have no ability. Now it's an act enacted or legal that they have to give foreign entities foreign government entities access to all their data. Oh, that's great. Without fighting because it was too much of a pain in the ass for them to keep fighting

it because they just they just didn't understand you know they needed a uniform set of rules. Is there? Oh, you just need a uniform set of rules. So they decided to pay senators to sneak in total absolvancy of all of their data mining sins into a giant fuck off $1.3 trillion on the package. It's just, it's for our own good though. That's why it had to be snuck up the back door

and silence in the middle of night, the cloud act. Trump gives, talk about the military. It's not, oh yeah, but all your privacy and data, oh fuck you. That's all tagging right along. Are you fucking kidding me, man? Have the cameras seeped into your brain? So you forgot, Trump, that you forgot

that the things you sign affect your own fucking family as well. Like, did you forget that shit? I'm never gonna sign one of these again. Then why did you, that sounds like, that sounds like something that someone says after they cheat on their wife. Oh baby, never gonna happen again.

You fucking did it the first time, you motherfucker. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably will happen again. Right, it doesn't matter. You did it once knowing it was wrong. Yeah. Oh, the fucking cloud act, man.

We got to ditch the internet. I'm gonna make another prediction. I'm gonna make another prediction. Because my future of advertising is virtual, virtue signaling, Jesus fucking Christ. Remember when I said the future of advertising is virtue signaling? Yes.

And everybody said that's nuts, that's dumb. That's that. It is already there. Instant almost instantly happened overnight. And just like a fox making another prediction. Okay. 20 years, 30 years. The internet, as we use it now, kids are going to make fun of us for using the internet. Like we make fun of our parents for watching cable TV. Oh, no, I think you're right. They're going to be on a totally different other level and we got to get there as quickly as possible. Yeah.

Because this shit is not, this shit is not fucking working. Yeah. This paradigm of servers, it's just taking away rights backbones. Yeah. It's not. It's a bit of privacy. It's not working. I donbones. Yeah, it's not invading privacy. I don't care how much it costs. Like everybody who's stumping, who's trying to stump on the blockchain has got to get in

fucking line and realize that there's a lot, there's more going on than just speculating on bitcoins. We need to replace the backbone shit as quickly as possible. You know, it makes me rage is the women, you know about the women, Sean. The women? Yeah, the women. The female gender.

Yeah, they cannot, they cannot, they cannot, they cannot say, I felt 80s girls I rolled. They cannot say what a man says without adding a little bit of spice onto it. Okay. Have you ever, just kind of the Azay Blank and a Blank? No, no, no, no. It's like, like, if you ask the woman, they always put attitude on what men say that was

not there. Oh, okay. Like, if you ask a woman to read the Getty's Burger dress, yes. Yeah. to read the Gettysburg address? Yes. Because of something, you know, because of inherent, in the mind of the woman. Okay. If you ask her to say,

well, what was the Gettysburg address? She would say, oh yeah, I remember that. We learned that in history class. It's, well, four score and seven years ago. It's like, no, you didn't say it like that. Yeah. He didn't say,

he read it completely dry read. Yeah. It was a completely, try it again. Okay, he didn't say it like that. Yeah. He didn't say, he read it completely dry read. Yeah. He was completely, try it again. Okay, well, four score and seven years ago, like, no, again, again, you've added, again, you've added, you've added things, you've added information, you've added information to this. Lincoln's like, I would so rather just tweet this. Yeah.

Be over with it. Our four fathers. You can say that. Yeah. How many fathers? Infosus added. Okay. That's not saying.

Infosus added. Okay. Right. And they'll do it to even the little ones. Huh. I don't know if I've noticed this. You haven't noticed that? On the same level.

I think you're in for a rude awakening if you start paying attention to it. Okay. I was talking to the little Irishman and he gives me a hello high uncle. He's playing video games and I'm time to talk to me. Yeah. I am Mario. Just a real dead pan. Yeah. High uncle.

We get off the phone. 80s girl says, oh, it's so funny the way he greets you. High uncle. That's not what he's a little boy. You're fucking smirching his name. When he's not around to defend himself, he doesn't even know how to defend himself. Yeah. Motherfucker doesn't even understand gun control.

Yeah, so you put a little stank on it. Put a little stank on it. Put a little anti-ungle stank on it. Like tolerate me. That's the way it's supposed to just a dead man. Like, hi uncle, I'm concentrating on it. I'm concentrating on my efforts. I'm concentrating on that.

I know what you're talking about. I know what you're talking about. That's what makes me rage about the woman I'm saying. I also wanna do, let's see. I've also got a lot of problems with the Squatty Potty. Oh really? Peach sent me a Squatty Potty. You have one here.

Yeah, I have one here. You wanna give it a run? Have you ever used one? No. It's very, I don't like it at all. I would give it a run. You gotta give it a run, it's disturbing because you have to mount, it's like a saddle

like when you get in there. Really? I mean, I'm not a flexible man. Uh-huh. Because I'm a man. Yeah. Tight. My tendons are tight.

Yeah. They can't be broken. I'm like Bruce Willis and unbreakable. That guy can't use a squatty potty. He could bring down crime, but he can't use a squatty. So you've got to bend yourself in there. And then the whole time,

you're like staring down at, it's cold in my bathroom and my where the squatty potty is. So there's like a lot of like shrinkage going on in there. So you're like looking down at like a lot of shrinkage going on in there. So you're looking down at a baby dick while you're taking a shit, it's very disturbing process, the Squatty potty. Perhaps, I don't know if I'm not using it correctly,

but it's honestly something that Jigsaw would come up with. Oh geez. You have to stare at your own and you can't rest your elbows on anything to do your phone either. So you're like constantly, you know, straining. I don't know. I found it to be very unpleasant. Really? I appreciate the gift from Peach, but I found it to be very unpleasant. Let me see what else I got here. Oh, Siracha sent in some bits. Oh, yeah. You want to hear those? Yeah. You know what else I realized? Check this shit out,

dude. I'm always bemoaning the status of the internet like Google and all these assholes that are the big players in the internet and YouTube and the censorship they're in, right? Because YouTube just wants to kill, once it kills you, you're dead. That's it. So the gun guys got kicked off of YouTube. Yeah, they went to Pornhub. They went to fucking Pornhub. Yeah. I think we got a fucking ball game now.

Yeah, I know shit. Pornhub, let me read you some statistics. I can assure they're thrilled to host that shit. Dude, I don't think they care, first of all. No. Because Porn is, is king. Yeah. I mean, P porn is never gonna go away And I love it. I like enough

You know what I mean, I love that it went to porn hub Listen listen to these dad porn. I love it Swimming and raw suit. I love it Let me see here. I don't know if you want to hear any more about that cloud act that Trump signed. Enable foreign police to collect and wiretapped people's communications.

I love it. I love it. Thanks, Trump. That's why I showed up. That's why I showed up to all you shit. Yeah. So you could let Saudi Arabia look at my, look at my fucking data. So you could let the Scottish police go look through all my shit.

Thanks, man. Yeah, great. Thanks. The same Scottish police who want to lock up the same police who are out of here imprisoning American citizens for like showing up in the country and being Islamophobic. Thanks, man. Thanks for sticking up. Thanks for doing, thanks for doing more harm to me than a mannequin. Yeah. Alec Baldwin wouldn't have signed it, so now who's the fucking, a fucking imposter, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe he would have signed it. At least the question is uncertain.

You're right. We know the answer to the other one. Oh, the one thing he could have done to turn off supporters. Russia, don't care. Don't care if he's guilty tax evasion don't care grab to woman's pussy Don't care speaks about women is there in way, but the support yeah racist don't care even if it's true probably not Costing me five grad. Yeah, I'm out. Yep duh You guys yeah, yeah, you fucking you fucking forgot you fucking forgot who we are, man. I need that money.

Me, I need it. I need it. I understand. Whoops. Let me see here. Porn hub, porn hub. Where the fuck is my porn up stats? I gotta stats for you this episode. I'm impressed. Thanks. I'm impressed. Let me see here. Pornhub, pornhub. Where the fuck is my pornhub stats?

I got a stats for you this episode. I'm impressed. Thanks. Mm-hmm. So as I sing, we have a ball game. Yeah. With pornhub in the YouTube. Because everybody says, like, oh, go start your own YouTube, right?

Where there's no censorship, but you can't do that. You get squished. Yeah. Many people have tried. Sure. It's all people have tried. Sure. It's all kind of a little game. Like, it's a little secret club that's never going to get any bigger. Porn hub, the entire porn industry's net worth is $100 billion.

Yeah. Every year, Hollywood makes 600 movies and 10 billion in profit. Okay. That's like, imagine the size and the scope of Hollywood. Right. Because that's essentially YouTube. Now multiply it by 10. Right, 100 billion.

porn makes, no, no, a Hollywood makes 10 billion dollars. Yeah, and porn makes 100 billion. That's their net worth. So that's the total amount of money that they have. I don't know how much Hollywood has. Probably no way to know. porn makes 13,000 films and 15 billion in profit every year. Yeah. We can shoot like four or five films in an afternoon, but you can't make people part with their money.

You know what I mean? They're making 15 fucking billion. they're making a hundred and 50%. That's more than MLB, it's more than baseball, it's more than the NFL and the NBA combined. Wow. Wow. You see what I'm fucking saying here? We have, we've had the safest harbor in the world right under our nose this entire time.

And it makes me so happy that I wanna cry. All porn hub has to do is turn on the streaming and put a little tag that says not porn. And I'm up loading all dick show stuff there. I'm streaming on there. I will fucking never use YouTube again because I know for a, I know for a statistical certainty that everybody who's on every other platform

is also on porn hub already. It's things like this that can, that YouTube would have never seen coming. Yeah, never seen coming, because it's run in the dick. It's run by a bunch of chicks and soy boys and fugs who will not, who don't like consider porn a staple of the modern world and it's not just for men. It's for women too. Yeah, looking up their fucking lesbian porn and

their, their cuckledsry porn and their whatever other porn that women are into they're, they're like chicks getting their tops Accidentally knocked off because they like to imagine that that's them and a bunch of you're like, whoa, right? Oops, didn't know that was happening. It's been under our fucking nose this entire fucking time. It's so great. We don't need new platforms. We just need to embrace the porn.

You know? It's like, I feel like Moses. Like we finally got to the promised land and it's been here the whole fucking time in the desert. It's porn hub. They don't give a shit. They don't. They've always been the ostracized ones. The masses support them, but the system says,

you're a fucking pariah. Yeah. They don't need to sell us things. We go to them because we want what they're selling. Draw them. Draw them. Draw them. Draw them.

Sean, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. We're gonna have, I'm putting this in not safe for women. We're gonna have a, the you, we're gonna have the Hollywood shill government and the fucking porn government in the future. Twitter's gonna be, we're gonna, we need porn Twitter, which is, I'm sure, Twitter, which already exists.

I just, like seeing the gun guys almost instantly go to porn, I'll be, wait a minute. Of course, they have the, they have the entire infrastructure and they have a cash reserve, the size of the, a golden dick, the size of the Washington monument that can power free speech forever because they need it more than anybody else. And there's scumbags like us. Uh, boy. I don't think you do know what it's done. No, and it happened to fucking beta.

Every time a technology is disrupted for porn, it gives me the biggest fucking heart on. That's, I'm gonna go to porn tube and watch other technologies getting fucked by porn because they fuck it up every fucking time. It's a new fetish category. Yeah, watching all these fucking moron CEOs try to outvert you, signal each other

and porn just comes in and fuck some all right. Yeah, I have the ass. Wait till VR heads. Do you think, when VR is like a normal part of daily life, do you think one person is going to connect to YouTube or Twitch to watch whatever watered down new age periodanical sanitized dog shit that they, no, we're gonna be on porn hub.

Watching VR porn all day, every day. And the entertainment is going to be a fucking a list on the writer. It'll be an afterthought. Like, well, I got my VR porn out of the way for the day. Now I'm gonna go check out a medical video on porn hub. Yeah. Why not come to YouTube?

I'm already on porn hub. I've already got all my shit connected to porn hub. There you go. In fact, they're giving away VR devices that don't work on your system. Well, what about our ad revenue and our initiative and our YouTube red and our YouTube TV kind of just want to the porn.

How do we pay for us? Studios. Yeah. We got this big studio and we're empowering women to make content that you like come to YouTube. We still have medics. I'm going porn hub all the way. Yeah.

I don't know how I can stream on it. I fully support this. That's great. Yeah. Because they're good people. They're honest people. That's right. They're honest people. That's right. When people never lie to you. No. Unless you're a young, hot woman. Yeah. The people. But that's, they're not, you know, but if you're young, how woman everyone's like, you got a light of somebody. Uh, nothing has made me happier than that. I know. I, you know, it's, yeah, I learned about that.

Cornwall's day of a three or four days ago, and I thought, holy shit, my first thought was like, oh, they'll be glad to do it. Yeah, I don't even care. I thought, yeah, that's good, because I have a nice safe harbor. And I was on there looking for how to stream on porn hub, so I could move the whole streaming thing over there.

And it said like there's a premium membership. It was like 10 bucks a month for some. I almost bought it right then. Never once have I considered subscribing to YouTube. But I don't fucking care about anything on there. Yeah. Yeah. Sriracha has alternative futures.

Oh. Because Tuesday will be the big one, because Tuesday will be the big. I thought we'll be the big decision, but maybe won't be. So here's, here's her bits on in case, Maddox wins and in case Maddox loses, which one do you want to hear first? Probably the win. Well, let's clarify too. So if he wins, that means the thing is like going to go to trial.

Right. It goes to discovery, at least, which is going to cost everyone a fortune. That's the win. Yeah. Okay to trial. Right, it goes to discovery at least, which is gonna cost everyone a fortune. That's the win. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so this is the scenario if Maddox wins. Yeah. Let's see what she's got to say.

For parentheses. A apostrophe, if Maddox wins apostrophe. Very good. Good afternoon. This is Heather reporting live from Manhattan Court Circuit 7, where presiding justice has just reached a verdict on the pending lawsuit. In an unprecedented motion, plaintiff Maddox has been awarded $180 million in what's being called the Feel's Not Reels Doctrine by Legal Professionals. Defended Masterson was ordered to pay $80 million in damages and was ordered by the court to begin accepting madbucks in his online store

in lieu of dickles. Plaintiff's girlfriend, a beautiful African-American model, was also awarded $1,500 in damages. The equivalent of 1.4 million trade shows that she was forced to miss thanks to the PTSD caused by being called ugly on Twitter. Defended coconuts was ordered by the court to pay $100 million in damages to the plaintiff, as well as re-subscribed to the plaintiff's YouTube channel and call it a kill as shit. In addition, plaintiff's attorney, Dog Bite Land Cow, was also awarded the maximum sanctions in the amount of 10,000 bits of kibble and reasonable price fees of 7,500 belly-rubs.

In other news, wave of lawsuits have been filed in light of the current verdict. In particular, nuclear talks with North Korea have been put on hiatus. As President Trump pursues litigation against Twitter user at hgf74249624113 who tweeted your mom gay at the commander of the tweet. This has been Heather S reporting live from Fortune Square

back to you, Dick. No shit, that's what'll happen, right? This endless lawsuits of God being made fun of. Yeah. Yeah, it's something, I'll talk about that later. So this is what happens if Maddox loses, so she should. Okay, I see what you want to do.

Right. Good afternoon, this is Heather reporting live from Manhattan Court Circuit 7, where presiding justice has just reached a verdict on the pending lawsuit. In an unprecedented motion, plaintiffs' maddox claims were dismissed on all counts in what's being called a regular ass Tuesday by legal professionals. After informing the plaintiff's counsel that he was indeed barking up the wrong tree, presiding justice legally declared the plaintiff to be a cock-old.

Defenders were awarded sanctions in the amount of $45 billion, mad bucks, or approximately $15.64. Defenders were also granted sanctions, an awarded possession of Mr. Dog Biteland cows Lexus in lieu of monetary compensation. When asked for comment, a council said to her pie, it's not like I can use it anyway

and elected to lick his genitals in other responses. Police have seized Mr. Maddox's home in light of the current verdict to transform into the world's first museum of cuckoldry. However, this story does have a happy ending for plaintiffs. Insiders confirmed that, after the loss of the case, plaintiff Flynn to return to Utah to film their new three's company spin-off show

Me Jess and the ball. This has been Heather Asperporting live from four Tim Square back to music What Tim Square funny? The Museum of Cockle Tree. I guess it starts with with Joseph. Yes Yeah, I wonder what Nick thinks Nick Rackett's thinks about that. He's Bible scholar the original original cock. Yeah, right? Very good. Oh, let me see here prostitution's ribbon. Oh God. I can't I can't talk about it anymore porn sites get more visitors every month than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined.

Yeah. X video, X video, which is a porn hub property. On its own is bigger than Dropbox, CNN, the New York Times combined. Mind Geek who owns porn hub, browsers, is it browsers or browsers? I don't know. You porn in reality kings,

which who make great content, tremendous content, reality kings. browsers is not my thing, browsers is not my thing, reality kings is absolutely wonderful. As you score land, just if people are looking for tips, is one of the top three bandwidth consuming companies

in the world. Amazing. The other two being Google Netflix. Oh man, you guys Google Netflix, you fucked up. You fucked up big time. We're gonna weaponize that porn like you guys never fucking seen, fuck you. Got guns in porn.

Yeah, you guys fucked up by putting the two biggest, the two biggest, most committed powerhouses together and just made another Reese's peanut butter cup. Yeah, see we had the guns. Guns had to beg to be on your shit. You made them, you teamed them up with porn all on yourself. You dumb motherfuckers.

Mama Mia. All right. Let me see here. You know what, I'm gonna play a song while we wait. This is my room records who has an album for sale right now called Too Small of an album. Yeah. Have you listened to it yet? Have you gone and downloaded it? I have not yet.

Myroomrecords.com slash the DIC show I think it is. It's called Too Small of an album. You can get it right now wherever you get albums. He put this one together last time he was on. I fucked up because I was so drunk and delirious from St. Patrick's Day. And so relieved that I didn't wake up with the worst hangover over in the world. I forgot it wasn't. It wasn't my room records who recorded the 20 million song. It was Safe State Corrupted. I realized it right after I felt terrible.

I was like, I love that song. I listen to it so many times. I can see this little terrible. I was like, ah, I love that song. I listen to it so many times. I can see this little icon, this little, like, daft punk, the little icon, but I mixed them up at the time. So to compensate for my screw up, my room records recorded a acoustic 20 million song too. So I'm technically correct either.

There you go. If I say whoever is saying it, that's correct. Talk about it. Technically correct. Thank either. There you go. If I say whoever is saying it, that's correct. Talk about it. Technically correct. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Have a good day. Yes. Dick thought he was busted by a safe state corrupted by giving the credit to me For acoustical songs that he would turn on when I call the show just last week But this 20 million tune that I wrote in my room Will keep him a man of his word I'm doing it for spite and soul Hashtag decalized We'll continue to be meant untrue 20 million cock bucks is not worth one tickle The I'm a big show that I will allow in two thousand word blocklists to give them

Reminds me for all of his couples Re, all of his fail books with stolen children's art Dexed by copyright, chose that artist You're good, man Two big choruses, wrong run on second-says All that he has is shitty comedian Grasping for relevance He went forward in time to listen to these rhymes. Now go buy my album at myroomrecords.com slash the ticket.

Oh, good, good, good. There we go. My room records with that one acoustic 20 million song. Yeah, I made it. Which was the first time I was correct that he did right. Safe stay corrupted also wrote one, also wrote an incredible acoustic 20 million song, as we all know, and I knew at the time.

Yeah. All right. No, Dankeela. He's going on a date with the Mrs. That's fine. Why? It happens. That's what life's for. Fuck it.

Yeah. You know, it's a big time now. He's talking to Alex Jones. Yeah. This is no, I'm no Alex Jones. Well, you know, I know. Maybe one day. It's a Sunday show.

I inconvenience everyone all the time making them work on the Lord's Day. It's too bad, but we talked a little bit about his verdict on the bonus episode. Yeah, we did. I wanted to get a blow by blow of court, but we'll have to wait on that, I guess. We'll get it, I'm to get some, I wanted to get a blow by blow of court, but we'll have to wait on that, I guess.

Well, I'm sure we'll get it. Yeah, from what I, I think plenty of people have already done commentary on it. The Jonathan Pied, you know, I have a Ricky Jervais that, yeah, I mean, Ricky Jervais, yeah, it's crazy. It's very crazy. The number of people who have come out for him. What I want to know is why aren't they supporting him on Patreon? Guys like Ricky Gervais who could toss in a grand, a grand or two like it's not.

Would we know if he had? Oh, he should, maybe she should be tweeting about it. I think like it's one thing to be a big superstar and say, I disagree with this. It's another thing to throw in a buck two bucks to grand. Yeah. And then just tweet, Hey, I subscribe to this guy on Patreon. What if he, what if he put just put in a little bit anonymously, but I want not anonymously. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but that's, you know, you need that now. Yeah. I guess so. I guess everything has to have an aim attached to it. But it does. I know. It does. It absolutely does because these motherfuckers come out and

say that now free speech is like a right wing. They're trying to rebrand free speech as a right wing obsession. You know what, that's true. Yeah, that's true. It's, it's, it's despicable. It is despicable. All right, here, let's see here. Let me get to some advice. As from slick, dick, dick, don't take the time, trouble, or embarrassment of installing a tiny step stool in your bathroom. There's no way the human race has been shitting wrong for hundreds of years. Even if we have, it hasn't seemed to have affected our health all that much. If you're really that curious about whether or not this is thing will change your life

forever, next time just lean forward a bit. Love the show, really looking forward to episode 108. I can't believe it's already been 94. So that guy's taking a shit on the Squatty Pond. Yeah, yeah. Let's see here, what else do we got? Carl Mann says, is Pete sure that it isn't her huge cans throwing her off balance?

She might want to get that checked out. Maybe. He's just falling over. Liam Vales, yeah. Liam Veil says, peace that her doctor told her to increase her sodium intake to increase blood pressure. There's no evidence to support this.

Is that right? That's what this guy says. In fact, it's been shown that reducing salts can lead to increased blood pressure. Huh. If she wants to increase her blood pressure, she would be better to increase her cholesterol. Eating more eggs is a great way to do that.

Here's a video that has some information. It's on YouTube, not on porn hubs, so I'm not gonna click on it. Yeah, I'm just gonna just... Yeah. Great show, I need advice. This is from Randall and R. I currently have a revolving door of three to four chicks.

Jesus Christ, three to four chicks. Dude, two is plenty. How can I call thing Dora four? How do you manage? Yeah, do you have a secretary for all these chicks? That's so, that would be so much work. This guy's Google Calendar game must be on point. Yeah, because that is, you're talking about like a three's company, there's a four's company logistical nightmare. You gotta go on point. Yeah. Because that is, you're talking about like a three's company, there's

a four's company, logistical nightmare. You go on here, three, a revolving door of three to four chicks. No way. Maybe once, maybe, maybe, what's the advice he wants? While that can be a headache, it's not so bad. That could be said for any number of jokes. The issue I run into is the post blow job. Getting them there isn't hard. Tell them that they're important or that you love them. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

After the deed is done, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to kiss someone who's had my pre-com in her mouth. Nor do I want to lay with someone who's had my spooge on her. That sounds like a Patrick Bateman, kind of American psycho situation. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to kiss someone who's swallowed my jizz. Oh boy. After they clean up, I still find it to be gross and never know what to say. Thanks or wow, you're great or I love you, followed by me waiting on things to be less awkward before I reach for my phone and check the time or fuck around.

Is there a method of post BJA communication, or is it supposed to make me feel bad for them doing the work without any reciprocation by default, resulting in me lying about how much I like them? Let me know, while I love blojis, the after feeling makes me wish I could just take care of it myself and not deal with the awkward bullshit, Randall with an R.

All right, Randall with an R, I'm gonna give you some, I'm gonna give you some advice that you might have heard before, but you need to hear it, because while you're, while what you're describing would be a lot of men's fantasies, what you're actually doing is trying to fill a love hole in your soul with women, with sex acts. Oh, getting deep. and your soul with women, with sex acts. Oh, getting deep. I mean, it's, well, you know,

because all of society is pushing men to behave and act like this, and then once it's the worst joke ever, it's a cosmic joke where once you get it, you're like, why do I feel bad? It's hell. That I'm, yeah. I mean, imagine this guy's life juggling four women. What life?

Exactly. That's, that would be, that would take up, 125% of your time. Yeah. You need a, you need, you need a staff of four men to deal with four women. He has to learn how to tune out conversations

with four women. He has to, that's fucking almost impossible. That's so too many frequencies. To pretend like you're listening, but not be listening at all. He's got to keep up the threads of multiple, of four different women's lives who have more characters in them than a Lord of the Rings trilogy. He's got to keep them all separate and not accidentally cross one over. It's like, it's like, you know, it's like mixing up a Winnie the Pooh with Lord of the Rings. He's got a not throw E or in at the battle gondor or

else they're, she they're gonna freak out. All right, work relationships and the, oh yeah, the clinging. Oh. He's got himself in a hell. Yeah. In a situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone, a revolving door of three to four chicks. I think that usually I say to listen to your dick, but I think your stomach is also a pretty good. You're every organ has its role in telling you what you're doing is wrong.

Every organ has a quote unquote gut instinct. Yeah. And it is. They'll all tell you. Most of the time you listen to your dick because it doesn't get the most attention and it's the most underutilized brain that a man has. But sometimes the dick becomes too, he gets too much of a voice.

And he starts throwing his weight around, you know, like a big slummy in there. In the gold and the Chinese show. It becomes a dictator. It becomes a dictator. Yeah. And if your dick is become a dictator, you need to take it easy.

Take a break, man, for God's sake, take a break. We've all been there. It gets too easy. Sometimes you get in the zone. You start, sometimes the asharvest is good. The ascods grant upon you about the asharvest. It rains, it pours. It's the laws of attraction, whatever you wanna.

Yeah, I can call it, but it's like when you're, when you're winning, you just start winning. You get on a hot streak, right? Yeah. And you got to, um, sometimes you have to, you have to pull back. It's sad to say, but you got to find a medium, you know, it's not one. I'm not saying it's one. I'm not saying it's none or one, but certainly three to four. Uh, if you think it's, if you. If you think a woman having your come on her

is grossing you out, it might be because you don't wanna be associated with her. And you see her consuming you and are grossed out by it because you don't want that, that's almost Freudian. Yeah, like if you, you know, you don't want that. That's almost Freudian. Yeah, like if you, you know, like if you, it's like eating someone's hair. Yeah, you know, some people maybe it's,

some people is more disgusting than others, right? You get your own, if you find your own hair in your food, it's fine I'll eat the food. But if you find your wife's hair in your food, you're like, ah, you know, or your girlfriend's hair, and you're like, ah, it's a little bit grosser than my own hair. But if you get a stranger's hair, you're like, blah, blah, your girlfriend's hair, and you're like, oh, that's a little bit gross you're the my own hair. But if you get a stranger's hair, you're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is disgusting. Oh, please don't curl up, please don't curl up, don't curl into a pub. Yeah. Uh, which, if you're not gonna, if you're not gonna eat her hair, then what are you doing? Yeah, that's not, that's, that's a pretty good down home,

uh, down home wisdom there. Fuck, don't fuck, brods, if you're not willing to eat their hair. That's what I'm saying. I think it's fucking great. It's great advice. We've all been there. You've all blown, like you've all gotten sucked off

by a chick and she swallows and you're like, you're kind of wanna sting. Yeah, and you kind of like wanna get those guys back. You're like, oh my guys, I left those guys out to a, she was she bitch. She, I sold those guys down the river to a, to a, we have some good soldiers out there that day. Yeah.

And like some, some women, you're like, yeah bitch, you like get those guys in there and get them all around and you're like a demon, like a semen demon. Disessing her, right? But then some brides, rods you like, oh man. I don't want my guys I don't want that bitch walking around with my dudes in there my army men in there acting acting like she owns them Yeah, that's your Maybe it's your dick talking to you again. I don't know buddy, but let me know let me know how it goes pig you know You got a you know, you gotta,

you gotta, you gotta slim the herd down every once in a while. Three to four. Woo. Three to four, all right. Um, let me see here. I got a present. Yeah. Yeah, what do you think about that?

I think that's good for you. Hey, Dick, here's another whiskey sampler kit for you. Sent some of my favorites, and he lists them here. Artburg, supernova, four roses, Al Young, wood hat, bloody butcher, JJ, newcom. Good luck with the lawsuit. Please have Sean give me an affirmative nod if you read this on air.

Oh yeah, here you go. There you go. There's your affirmative nod. Go fuck yourself, Shelby Durham. Shelby sends some great whiskey. There we go. There you go. There's your show tonight. Go fuck yourself, Shelby Durham. Shelby sends some great whiskeys. There we go. Cool. Oh yeah, very cool.

All right, let's wrap it and do some voicemails in the dust and interview. Everybody even listening to the DIC show. DIC dot show, thedicshow.com Patreon.com slash the DIC show. I eagerly await whatever esterios has planned that he can't tell us about on Tuesday. This episode is coming out today. Hopefully we'll have a resolution in the lawsuit and the return of the Jedi, the revenge

of the Jedi can begin. Thanks for listening. See you next Tuesday. This song is called Afrikaq. This song is Afrikaq by Chuck A. Chuck N. V. Someone's coming from Chuck N. V. I'm listening to the dictionary, I'm talking up the song. I hear the moans echoing tonight But she hears only grunts of absolute masculinity He's fucking her off you the night

My lawyer's face reflects the stars that guide me towards cubaldry I stopped drinking notches for a sec Crawling out of the closet to get a glimpse of his hands and face He turns to me as if to say Come here, cook, it's going into you Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ah! It's gonna run some trains to pay back my legal bills You'll bring along a hundred men or more just fall through I got the harmonies in there I got the cuts down in Africa It's gonna take some time to clean the gins out of my head

Oh my god, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Uh-uh Ha-ha-ha The wild dog cries out in the head That's one of the videos you laugh while likely not his smoldin' I know that I am always right As sure as watching my girl take someone's gizza Pat to reproduction

You guys I accept my place in life I'm bracing this bulk cut that I've become It's gonna run some trains to pick that my legal Alright, alright, you bring a lot of 100 men or more just for the thrill. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Good Let's let's very listen to Captain Jack. Yes. Yeah, I cannot wait Hello dick and hello dickheads Hello dick and hello dickheads. This is the Facebook

group news for the last couple days. Zach Wenger, without sharing much, may have just put himself as a front runner for the best erotic story from a real man ever. Zach, while on three hits of acid was having sex with his roommate before her shift, during the exchange her ovarian cyst pops and he had to take her to the emergency room all the while on three hits of acid. Oh god! Jack was too high to answer many questions, but we did learn that they gave her a ton of morphine at the hospital and upon returning home they elected to give it another shot. Yes, it's not gay. Tana Gregory became a rage when his office assistant was tidying up his office and accidentally pulled out some cords.

That wouldn't have been an issue except for the fact that the Dixiawinshore began playing office assistant was tidying up his office and accidentally put out some cords. That wouldn't have been an issue except for the fact that the Dixia went through again playing through giant speakers and 30 plus people in the office heard the intro. And quiet judgments about the sexuality are now almost guaranteed to be conferred. Lastly is Stain McClain who unprovoked admitted to Dickhead that he used to be able to suck his own dick and would do it all the time. More specifically, in the seventh grade, he would go to the spare bath and keep the sink running so that no one would know what he was up to.

Finn was a try doing it since he was 18. Lack of practice plus weight gain has deterred him from ever trying it again. I asked him to try it again immediately for the show, and he agreed to. Yes. Once he put his son to sleep. Instead of a a sink running he was going to listen to limp biscuit and let the melodies of Fred Durs take him to the promised land finally I asked a question we've all been wondering spit or swallow stain said he would pull off just before and finish with the strong hand because he is a game

that's the show Facebook group news with the last couple days. Oh my God. All right. Do you want to hear the excerpts from the interview with Dustin? Yes, I do. Apparently, apparently Captain Jack has interviewed Dustin about Facebook and Reddit and specifically about where the hell he's been in the Chicago documentary that he had pitched, but then just didn't happen. Yeah. You know, when you and I, when you and I got to Chicago, I was expect, I was

thought Dustin would be there because he, he had asked to stay, I thought so too, with us to save money. And I said, sure, we got this gigantic place. Right. The ISIS training camp, the ISIS training camp. And then he wasn't, he was a no show. A parent, well, we'll talk about it later. Here's the, here's the interview. Here's, here's excerpts of it. It's a 16 minute interview that you can see on the Captain Jackass website. Let's move on to the conspiracy that you've mentioned twice now. Would you like to elaborate on what this conspiracy can possibly be, the dust and gauze?

Let's just say I was given the challenge of coming up with a bit or something to be approved by Reddit in order for me to return to the show. And you got the approval? Yeah. Here's the thing. I came up with the idea of creating a documentary. I run an operator production company on the side. I wanted to do a week's long behind the scenes documentary of the Chicago road rage. And what into the pop name was I was told the uh somebody involved with the Dixia behind the scenes that if I got it approved by the Reddit that it was a go and that we could do the documentary it was my in back to the show that was my challenge so I posted it up there and the response was overwhelming. What had happened was when when push came to shove, Dick actually looked at it and said,

I never agreed to this. I never said that this was going to happen if they got approval. So somebody spoke on Dick's behalf. So the person that you say may have sabotage you is not dick, it's not Sean, it's nobody, none of the beloved. Sean doesn't know what the fuck's going on. No, on the streams every Sunday. No, no. It's somebody else that I would say probably most people in the audience would know the name,

but they would probably know of the person. Well, what if that was their way back on the show? You had to fight this guy in a sanctioned boxing match and unsanctioned street fight i mean really i think the ball would be in your court this is your bit you can propose a fight i think that'd be fucking hundred percent your back on the show you can go fight what about like a sort fight

then dick has been asking guests about what happened to master bay with would you care to share the information with us and also elaborate on your strong hand versus your weekend? Which one to use? Uh, strong hands, right hand, weekends left hand. Normally I use my right hand. Ass or tits? As I've gotten older, I've, I've come around to, uh, the holy grail of tale.

Ask them. Uh, yeah. So that's the, this is the, as always, things got all fucked up. You see, Dustin pitched the idea of doing a documentary, a documentary in Chicago on Reddit. And I knew about this documentary idea without commenting on it. I knew about the idea. Yeah. But when it was pitched to Reddit, Dustin said explicitly, this is not a bit.

And I think that he said this is not a bit because he thought that people would shoot it down if they thought approving it would get him back on the show. Right. So already we've got fuckery. Yeah. Right? Now, the bit included was a documentary of all of us in Chicago, and it carried an enormous price tag. I don't doubt it.

You know, which I personally don't think is necessary. Ignoring the merits of the bit, I think an iPhone and a final cut console would bring out the comedy of the show. Kimball did a documentary and it was funny. It doesn't have to be shot in 4K. Right. Professional. Right.

But these are the kind of stipulations that went into it. I was like, yeah, I know that like, yeah, I know that I know that everybody, I know I understand why everyone would like that. But like, it's also a problem for me to ask everybody to have private shoot on camera. Because the only reason, the only reason those behind the scenes documentaries are good is because they're, they're a fucking shit show. Oh, yeah. Like the Metallica one of them as horrible people is interesting because of its destruction of them. Yeah, you know?

Yeah sure. And I'm like, you know, I don't really feel comfortable asking people to put their personal lives out like that. For, or like there's that, or you have just a bunch of comedians taking themselves to seriously. True. Which is seriously. True. Which is death.

Yeah. But I thought we could work that out on the show, right? And I, by the way, I think you're talking about Diego. I think so too. Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious. Yeah. And Diego does a fantastic show. Without Diego, no shows would be put together.

So let's be very clear that priority number one is getting the show together, getting everybody there, getting everybody seated and drunk and happy. I'm always, just since he's been on board, I'm always shocked at how many things he's juggling. Oh, he balls, he's juggling at one time. And he never seems to lose his shit. Even if he is internally, he never projects that. And that's unreal.

It's unreal, the amount of bullshit that that guy has to deal with. Because first of all, it's the logistics of the show, but you don't realize it until you're kind of part of the show. And I just take a step back and just watch a little bit and go, God damn, he really is. He is just going 100 miles an hour all the time and in four different points.

No, and he's not gonna be here forever because he's already going on the fast track to being a fucking real agent for like huge, huge, huge, huge acts and stuff like this. I know, I know successful people like when I see them and he's got absolutely nothing that will hold him down. You know, he's just like pure, it's like, it's the vision of a younger man

that they never seem to have, not realizing where they're in a place where they have the energy to capitalize on it. And Diego absolutely does. Now that's said, that said, it's the combination of Diego's business logistics combining with the shit show of the comedy of this Dicumentary bit, right? Which I would love to talk to and I've told Dustin to call

in so we could talk about it. So maybe I should wait for that. Okay. Because it's a great idea. Like everybody knows I love Dustin. Yeah. Everybody knows that I love Dustin. And I said come to to, just, whatever the bit, forget about that, you can stay with, just come to the show. Yeah, like just come, let's get the, I mean, I don't know about all this, what's going on with this bit, just come to the show.

And I found out later that the reason I think you didn't come was because the budget was necessary to get the tickets, you know, turning it, turning to things that I was not aware of that maybe we could have worked something out, you know? Yeah. But the task was always the bit to get back on the show because that's the comedy. Yeah.

You know, that's the funny part. Let's see, let's see if you want funny part of it. Let's see. Let's see. If you want to do comedy stuff, let's see it. Let's see it. Everyone's very, and everyone was very supportive of that documentary bit. Yeah. I still don't know that I wanted like guys like coach and you would have to say interesting shit. Yeah. Well, you got to relevant. Right. Right. That's irrelevant. Good investigating by Captain Jackass. I hope Dustin calls back in.

Me too. As far as I'm concerned, the approval of that bit gets him back on the show, but I do want to talk about it. Sounds like there's some beef there. All right. Anyway, Colin, this is, I guess, oh, yeah, let's just place it. Hey, Dick, this is i guess yes this is place a dick this is what is jones uh... i want to say that you better not talk shit about squatty party the squatty party has

changed my book in life alright the western toilet is a scourge on humanity alright the toilet originally was squat well i don't know i'm all right about this, but I'm pretty sure the first toilet was a squatty toilet, all right? We should all be using toilets like the Japs have used toilets like the Japs have, okay? But we got this Western toilet, you know, we're so fat, we can't squat down, so we have to sit, but it puts unnecessary strain on the colon alright the scientific fact that squatting uh... is way way way easier on your colon it can prevent hemorrhoids all that

is a way forward on your toilet squatting you you your shit time is cut in half when you squat and shit i'm telling you it's serious dick get a squatting party to let us john cellin squatting time all right uh... let us john's like the Billy Mays. I know, squatty parties. Or I'm unsubscribing. No.

The time you shit is cut in half. I didn't know that was an issue. How long have you taken to shit? I'm pretty sure the shit happens and then it's just me dickin' around on my phone hoping another shit happens for 70% of the time. Gotcha. You know?

Just maybe there's some more in there, so I'm thinking. Also a quick question for you. Say if you were like to convince two hot roommates to like get into like a threesome, you know what I mean? By playing Django with them, you know what I'm saying? Strip Jenga, that's besides the point. And like, you know, these hot roommates are like teaching each other how to suck dick and like doing crazy shit with you.

You know what I'm saying? It's super awesome. And they're laughing and shit, you know, and they're like, fuck condoms, you know, and hit you. Feel me there, you know, rather stick my dick in the oven besides the point. Anyways, if they're all about it, you know what I mean? And then you fucking, you fucking like crazy. And you're like, you know, you rock the fuck I'm not everywhere.

And then like, you know, you have the great time you wake up in the morning though, and they're like, yo like, ah, that was great, you know what I'm like, yo, good thing you guys are on burst control. And they're like, we're not on burst control. Well, why'd you okay right out why didn't we mention anything about Congress it's like you know I know we said fuck Congress but you should have let me know this before you know I'm saying and then you try and like have that laughing jokey conversation like like what will we do if

we weren't pregnant we did an abortion you know I mean, I'm out there as a joke and they're like, we don't cross the bridge until you get there. We don't believe in that. And it's like, oh, yeah, well, good thing there's plan B, you know what I mean? I got a couple hundred dollars, but it's just a good plan B. And they're like, oh no, we hear that call this horrible cramps.

We don't want to take that. And I'm like, you know what I was just horrible cramps, shout birth, you know what I mean? I don't say that, but I'm thinking it and like my brain's going crazy. And then like you're also like don't want them to tell anybody that it happened. And like it should totally be a secret because you have a girlfriend. What do you do? You know, what do you do? We do with those bitches. How do you let them off easy? And what do you do if you get to this is pregnant at the same time? I guess you just become a more madder.

So you just don't worry about it. So you have to find an empty elevator shaft. Yeah. You just all these all these worries and concerns this guy's having. Has nothing has not happened yet. Maybe only one of them will give pregnant. Why are you worried about both of them getting pregnant? You know, think you're that potent. Listen, I'm gonna give you some, this is not gonna help you, sir, although it might, because maybe you can remember,

but what every guy needs to learn is how the woman's, how the woman's pussy feels when she's ovulating. This is so fucking important. If you're gonna play fast and loose with condoms, you need to understand the difference between ovulating and not fucking ovulating. And if it's feeling like you've got some, like she's got some magic going down there, take a second, look at, check the oil. Get your fuck, get your fingers out,

and give it a little tack test. I like to call it a tacky test. If you pull your hand, if you give, if you get three fingers in there, and you pull out fucking ectoplasm, you need to proceed with extreme caution, okay? You don't, you don't, if you're... The most graphic dick show ever.

Sean, because you got, guys, don't know this. if you're the most graphic dick show ever because you got guys don't know this They grow up thinking oh chicks you get pregnant whenever No, it no you can't get pregnant whenever it's difficult for them to get pregnant and it's very specific when they can Like it's not a fucking ramshackle affair. They got going on up between their legs and the uterus Yeah, it's not dog reproduction. We're talking about human reproduction is It's very specific. If you do a little dipstick, if you do a little hand test, you do a little two finger test, the two finger test in there, you pull it out and you got Spider-Man, then you proceed with fucking caution. Don't leave it down until the second or last pump to get out of there. You know what I'm saying?

It's a little too late. You, you, you, do, you take care of your non-condom business, maybe even put a condom on halfway. Nothing wrong with that. Or if you, or if you have more control, you go, you go somewhere else, but you need to put like, you need to get a dog collar and put it around her waist to keep the vagina out of it. If you're get, if you've got some fucking spider webs on your hands there, I'm talking about the, the, the, the lubricant, the, the vagina lubricant is very

viscous and clingy like a, like a slime. I'm saying like stringy. They need, this is absolutely a PSA. This is more fucking important than don't be domestic abusing. Thanks a lot cops. How does that help me the common man? I need to know if you see if you see a slime, if you see some slime, it's baby making time. All right. So you fucking watch it. If it's, if it's, if it's just what, uh, then you're set to Jen, you're set. It's just what you're set. If it's slime, it's baby making time. So, if you're about to bang two broads in this case,

playing some strip jenga, no big deal, right? Sexual messages on the jenga pieces, pull them out, make the chicks do fucking crazy stuff. It's the future. Chick's are hooking up left and right, man. That's the future of humanity. If he holds out, and it looks like you could decorate for Halloween, then what's the rhyme?

Then you need to watch your pain. You need to wrap your pain. You reach in and you've got Halloween. You need to wrap that pain, kiddo. Or again, blow it somewhere else in the, you know, any, any, turn away, turn away, go, go face the wall because you don't want any kind of leekery, you know, going around because they're very, they're very reckless. They're very reckless, the women. They're very reckless with the semen.

Has evidence by his story. Has evidence by the human race. Yeah, try out, try out. If the first humans were all, have the men mentality for babies, that would have been it. All those, all the women who thought like men and thought this is gonna be a major hindrance to me. The ones, the women who had the manbra, they're, they're lying stopped and those genes

died. We got the genes with the women who like to kind of fucking play fast and lose. Maybe be cool to get a little knocked up with my roommate here with this strange dude who's playing Django who has a girlfriend. Those are the women we got. So check for Snot. I can't go anymore. All right. Hey, Dick, love the show.

My sister taught me that. I have a very similar medical condition to, uh, I'm not asking any more questions. With a static hypertension. Yeah. And whenever I would stand up, I would just pass out in terms. And this past summer, I was eating much less processed foods. And I've, my, my doctor, actually told me to start eating more processed food

because I need that you know that salt and extra calories. I think it's just kept passing out. Love the show. Yeah. Thanks. So he should be eating more McDonald's. I guess.

Guess so. Why did pharmacists take so goddamn long? Yeah, I'm gonna kill a bottle of anything. take so goddamn law yeah I know some of which spoiler alert is pre-measured already in a bottle in in a box all they have to do is print a fucking label okay I'm getting some vikin in from a wife because she just had to have a tooth pulled there to cut her domes open for that shit I'm a block away from a pharmacy. Yeah, I go down see here You go can have some of those vaguenes. Thank you. Come back in four hours Gonna wait that okay, they said oh, it'll be about an hour. Why? I know

I know look at that Such a prescription and it says quantity 20, okay? i can count to twenty a lot faster than and hour so what the fuck takes a long do you have like a nineteen sixty-spoken printer like i can't really

cannot remember when they wouldn't even fill in the same day i'm gonna say three-year-old we were kids you know what you know what's the cause you're in pain then they start doing it and then everybody has to do it. The anti drug dealers. Pharmacists are so much pain. They need some hydrocodone to continue living today. Here's my prescription. Here's my $20. I'm gonna need your thumb prints. I'm gonna need to cross reference everything in the computer because it's a controlled substance.

I need to, we're just, even though it's, yeah, even though it's, it's still past the fill only date. Another pharmacy, it hasn't been 31 calendar days. Yeah. So we can't fill't been 31 calendar days. Yeah. So we can't fill it for another three days. Uh-huh. Cause it's Vicodin. Well, cause the government said,

why do we, why do we do this to each other? Just give me a handful. Can I have one while I wait? I have another prescription that says I could have a Vicodin while I wait for your fucking ass to slow poke over there and count them out one at a time like grains of rice. I've got a prescription to have one

like a loaf, like a bowl of bread and an Italian restaurant. My doctor gave me this one for 20 and then this one for one while I wait, you fucking prick. Yeah. How you say this? It's you fucking say this. Why is it so easy to pick up on that good danger organ? You're like, people for some reason we can't talk about IQ. I hear that I can just hear the

point of the season. And I just want to say this has been, God, this is a really, really fucking enjoyable episode. Oh, it's good. Talking about the bonus. Oh, got you. I was I gonna about the bonus episode. Oh, gotcha. I was not inquired. I talk about IQ tests. Right. And how stupid it is that we limit our own information. Yeah.

And how the best, you know what I'm thinking about? I'm realizing now, the best way to hinder smart people is by limiting information. Oh, absolutely. Because the smart people, like the Stephen Hawking's of us, who could seduce any women, no matter what. Oh, he no matter what. Literally no matter what.

You know what, he might fuck a bitch. He was on the grave. He was on the grave. Yeah, some bitch will be riding his fucking chair like his ghost cap. Yeah. The easiest way to handicap the Stephen Hawking's is by limiting their access to information.

Absolutely. Goes in and an idea comes out and the idea changes the world. They do the right thing with the information. Yeah. They're not using it to be racists. Yeah. You're using it to help everybody, to help people. They can't help it.

It's almost like when it's bad when feelings get in the way of solving problems. Yeah. Not enough of those people got evolved out. I know. The feelings. I know. We have these little societies that evolved to protect the people with the brains who figured out how to survive in the winter for everybody, but then all the people with the loving and

the feelings in each other, too many of them survived was the problem. So now we got a whole society full of them. Fucking us over by limiting our information. IQ test sheet is really annoying to me, that it's not stamped on your fucking forehead. Like so what, my credit score is, yeah, she has a, somebody walks in with a fucking 500 credit score,

you don't think they're getting like an adverse effect. At least give them, at least let them use an IQ test to offset the fucking terrible credit score. All right. Like, oh yeah, I got a shitty credit and I fucked up my SATs because I was raising myself because one of my parents was in jail and the other one was a drug addict. So I got those two scores fucked, but thank God I can use this IQ score, to at least prove,

because I'm really smart. Because I am really smart, but life kind of fucked me over. My parents fucked me over because they were playing strip Jenga with a guy who's just trying to not have a fucking go both ways. He's just trying to go about the spider web test.

No Dick Masherson's fucking spider web test. At least I got this IQ test that could give me through life because all my other scores are fucked. Yeah, that's crazy. I don fucked. Yeah. I can't do that. I can't do that. Well, well, okay. Guess I'll just go play some strip chenga. It's all I got. Might as well. Might as well. Might as fucking well. I got something that makes me a rage. It's the utter passiveness of everything that we do in this generation. Every common hobby that everybody has, or at least the ones that everyone like to talk about at the office or at the coffee shop, they're all passive. Spotify, watching Netflix, Amazon Prime, Poo, everything is designed to just be done in the background.

No one wants to actively do anything or engage in anything. It's become impossible to connect with people that actually want to engage in activities and do something interesting that just want to have something happening around them. And it's starting to affect the way everything is made there is anything interesting anymore all the music is designed to just be played in the background around you trying to sit down and listen to the interesting is a pain in the ass you can't do it because all the music now is terrible i've said that for a long time

shows are terrible because they're all designed to be watched twelve hours at the time even if the music's not terrible it's just something people do while they're doing something else. Yeah, no, but music's not any kind of an event anymore. Let's go. You're a top person. It's absolutely horrible. Making life utterly insufferable.

Now, anyway, yeah, I guess we do have like, there's kind every once in a while while there's a big art piece movie that comes out. Yeah but more and more it's just being It's just things created to be listened to in the background and like he says watched in twel-like shows are now made to watch over 12 hours That's true engaged in something for 12 hours. No, so it's just made for background garbage like something for 12 hours. No, so it's just made for background, garbage.

Like, yeah. Oh, interesting. I guess we'll see when PornHub takes over and it's just crossover, it's right. It's gonna get worse. It's just gonna be pornographic. Or maybe better. Maybe it'll be like, it should be like 22 minutes

of an actual sitcom and then they'll bang for like six hours. And every show will incorporate some sort of pornography. Here you go. And to it. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe he's right. It feels like he's right, but I can't prove it.

Hey, I got a, I got a rage phase week too. Sweet smelling air fresheners in public bathrooms. Who the fuck thinks this is a good idea? Like I don't want to know what the smell of vanilla mixed with human shit is like. Or like I really don't care to know what snicker doodle mixed with pit smells like. Why the fuck is like make it smell like linen or I don't I don't fucking know flowers or some shit don't make it smell like food yeah yeah fuck is wrong with like like restaurant owners like

I don't that disgusting see you later yeah I don't know what would be not I know what he means they're there are some air fresheners that are like, yeah, that doesn't. Well, how would you mix this with shit? Right. Are you tricking me into smelling it? Exactly. If it's not removing the odor, it's making it more powerful.

Yeah, it's creating a hybrid kind of brand new odor that's worse than either of the, that I have to smell twice. Previous two. So just verify it was that. Just to make sure that I hate it. Yeah. If it's shit, I'll just immediately stop smelling it.

Right. I know what that is. I know what shit is. Don't need to take a second sniff. If it's shit in a, a, a, a, a bubble gum, I need to smell that twice just to verify. So I finished up a session about a week ago and one end of the building, and I was going to the parking lot

walking by another studio that was finishing a session that had finished another engineer there was cleaning up, was cleaning up his room and I walked, I turned and walked down the hallway and I was immediately greeted with the smell of dog shit. Like I mean, and everybody knows like dog shit has, yeah, it has a specific smell. Yeah.

When it's just laid or just stepped in, and it's, I mean, it's disgusting. And I go, oh my God, dude, that is, I'm looking, I'm like, I know that's dog shit. And there's a bathroom down there. I'm like, fuck, it's something like, did something overflow and like, human shit is, is smelling like dog shit.

What's going on? Like, there's definitely shit. Somebody smeared shit all up and down the hallway. I know this and I turn in and I go, I go, dude, what, I'm starting to like, I got my hand over my nose and I'm like, what the fuck happened in here? Did somebody like track shit all over here?

He goes, he goes, dude, that was lunch. We ordered from some vegan place. And I kid you not. I mean, I've had like vegan food. Some of it's pretty good. Food smelled like, still smell like that. Three or four hours later after lunch. This is like in the evening.

And it was, he goes, I've just got a nose blind to it. He goes, I don't even know what specifically it was. It smelled exactly like dog shit. I was in the room and I started gagging and I left. It is weird with vegan stuff. How when you see it and taste it and smell it, you will be tricked into assuming that it smells and tastes like food. But if you smell it and you can't see it, you cannot figure out what, like you will place it towards something more disgusting. Look, I mean, I, born and raised in LA, grew up around these fucking people.

Like it's, I have never smelled anything like that. I just wanna know what the fuck it was. So it never happens again. Did I show you the video of my sister trying to give a vegan burger to the boys? No, but the Irishman has a fucking meltdown. Does he really? Yeah.

It's just a shot of him sobbing because he got tricked by a hamburger. And he describes the process. I don't know if I have it, but they're filming him and he goes, well, this hamburger tasted like a mud and dirt ball. So I thought it was the bun, but then when the bun was taken away, I found out it was the meat.

Did she like, did she actually want to serve that or was that like, let's see what they do. Because there's something, there's something, some stupid compulsion she has to like vegan these boys up to whip the meat out of the vegan right? No, no, she just wants to like, yeah, try it out. Oh boy, trying a lot of, believe me. Oh, bet, no, that was the, I had to have her portion size. I went up there one time and I was hungry after eight

and I'm like, look, I never do not ever fuck me over with a dinner where I'm hungry afterwards. You can do it to your own family. But let's throw on as portion in a half. And Uncle's coming out. Come on. Uncle eats food. Yeah, or all of a sudden I'm getting drunk.

I mean, I mean, every drop of popcorn in the house. Yeah. Fair. Fair. Everything's changed. It was on me. Like he's never encountered. No, like what, what fouls?

I gotta find that video. It's so funny. Yeah. Oh no, I bet it was like fucking worst eating experience of his life. Yeah. Uh, I've been there. They did, uh, it's a Maxwell Silver Hammer.

Yeah. Paul and for a little update uh... i have an update the rage i guess that uh... i hate internet censorship i woke up this morning and i tried to log into facebook and yet yet again i'm locked out of my account for thirty days for calling someone a faggot

all wrong i'm pretty tired of this shit. I'm just so fucking pissed. I don't know why that, I just don't get it. I don't get why people be so upset by something that they feel they need. Like go out of their way to block some. We're not even blocks on. I don't even get why they just don't do that

in the first place like me either why report something yeah it's an obvious joke in a mean group about an arco capitalism who gives a shit what i'm saying most of the happen on the fact i'm already banned from twitter for life my counts gone is gone for good i got emailed that a couple days ago that my account has been suspended for good for i think it was I think This is the I was inciting violence. I think they extended the fake journalist Tim poor I don't yeah, I mean that that really gets me going to this fucking target Tim pool

We can't take some some fucking 19-year-old dude just making a joke about you saying what's the fight you can't are you that fucking says that you can't Take a goddamn joke. What is wrong with you? Guys you know, it should be have integrity so to have like courage like Who fucking cares is some kid Said he wants to fight you and if you're on your stock if an obvious joke Fucking pussy your scum why I you laughing what why report me god damn degenerate if you're listening to that's which you probably are please kill yourself thanks like uh... so i think it was him i think what he got banned for uh... when i was ripping on temple yeah

and calling just calling them out for like you you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, options, which was like, it was like a soft yes. It was like a yes, you will regret. Like, um, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know about it, but I, it was like, I don't know about it and you should cover it. I know about it and don't care. I don't know about it and don't care. Yeah, they're like, yeah, yeah, right. Way to go. Um, nice to see you putting the power of your words to the world, while pursuit of maintaining the weight go. Yeah. Well done.

Yeah. Oh, dick. I know. What a dickhead. So Kimball saw that and posted the screenshot on Twitter of that, like of Tim Pohl's little post saying, do you want me to do this in a poll? And he had like 22 people answer the poll. You know, real fucking, I'm a relevant, right?

Yeah, sure. 35 hundred Patreon's motherfucker. I'm just suck on that. It's fake. They're all fake, of course. It's all fake. So, wait, so how many are you saying is fake? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

None. You said fake. So Tim Poole responds to Kimble saying, Ida, that's my $10 protected content and I'd appreciate it if you didn't steal my content. Like the value of your Patreon is a poll that Kimble's screenshoted and a paragraph. How up your ass, how many beanies have you lost up your ass

by lodging your head up there? Yeah. It's a fucking screenshot of a pole. There we go. There we go. There's another case of cranial rectosis at the first steps. It's not fucking content. That's my $10 protected cut. Yeah.

Are you, that's the value that you're offering? That's what they're getting for their money is a pole that Kimball, that Kimball devastated by a screenshotting it. Like come on man, we were just, we're just fucking around with you. Stop and bear, you're hitting yourself and not in the classic sense of being forced to hit yourself. Or maybe it is, I don't know, but how can a person be this oblivious?

I think I do have some kind of talent of making morons uh... like spurg out in the barris you've always had that talent destiny announced destiny well you get i mean you got like moms to hit you oh yeah i mean yeah you clearly know how to push but that's good story yeah i got a pack of i got a murder of moms

of old moms in valencia to physically assault me in parking lot of a California pizza kitchen. Like six moms, just talking, Sean. I know. It's amazing. I'm like Stephen Hawking, without the chair. Yeah. I talked to them and they, they get, they get, these brought this fucking bitch attacked

me. Yeah. Literally, literally sw brought this fucking bitch attacked me. Yeah. Literally, literally swung her purse and hit me. Uh huh. And then kicked me. Uh huh. And then a woman tried to do a high kick. I'll, you know what, I'll tell that story.

The next bonus episode. Can't do that. That's assault, bitch. What are you fucking doing? Yeah. Uh, the big red story. Remind me to tell the big red story. Yeah, okay.

Next time. That's what Kimble got hit for. Young man knocked down his prime like that. Oh wait, no, I gotta read some things. First of all, this is from Jenna Monet. She wants to tell her husband Derek Monet. Congratulations on graduating from Basic Training for Air Force.

And give him a special go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself, Derek. Pretty nice from his wife. I guess he's probably far away from home. I'm not sure if I... I'm not sure. Yeah. What? I'm not sure really.

I was gonna make a cheating joke. Cause you know, that's all. What's your cheating joke? Well, no, I mean, just, you know, how long before she cheats. Well, I did ask her. She asked me to give her, her husband in the military shout out. I said, how about some picks for the,

yeah, I see. Oh, that's some picks for Dad over here. Cause that is like a, that's a thing that happens, man. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, it's a thing that happens because it happens all, it happens all the fucking time.

Yeah, they like get involved with somebody who's, you know, in the, in the service and then he goes away for a while and then she's like, oh, I don't really like being involved with the guy with the service, because he's never around a while and then she's like, I don't really like being involved with a guy with the service. He's never around. So God damn, what a kick in the ass.

That would be to have to be away from your wife for an extended period like that, especially as a young man. That's the worst thing for me about how we get the young people in the military, how we trick the young people to get in the military. Cut them down in the prime. Yeah, you cutting that dick off in the prime, man. Like, I don't know. Maybe you can parlay the military thing for more ass

when you get out. I don't know. I don't know. I go back to Stephen Hawking. That guy didn't need a parlay shit. Just text. Let's see here. Anything would be special.

He showed me a video once where he read his name and oh, and that made him super happy. That's awesome. I'll do one of those as soon as the lawsuit's over. I didn't want to- They probably have a fucking fantastic relationship and I'm shitting on it. That's what I'm asking.

Yeah, I know. Alan Foster from Not Safe for Human Consumption says, every flight I've taken the last couple of years, I've vaped on all of them. I keep it hidden though, because on the pre-flight analysis. You know how to do it. Yeah.

It's easy to hide, you just hit your vape and then blow it into the fabric of your jacket and then the cloud gets absorbed. That's good. Hi, Alan Foster. There you go. As the robot cock and this fucking captain robot cock over here is sucking in this end and then putting the other blowing it into his fucking jacket all of a sudden it smells like

linen My last flight had a layover in Vegas. I walked down to the designated smoking area and was told by the bartender that cigarettes and cigars are the only thing allowed to be smoked there. So not, uh, not vapes. We're, maybe you should lit the bartender on fire for being an idiot. He's the same guy that has the throw up, a stereo throw up audio, that a stereo set I could play if we won the lawsuit.

Oh, that's right. Yeah. So there we go, Alan, I'm not safe from human consumption. Um, I got a lot of Reddit ranges here that I wanted to read. Eroch says never ending ass wipes. That says rage from Reddit. It just never keeps going. Oh God, keeps going. Teddy bear syrup X website would like to send you desktop notifications now. They're all they're all getting on that one. I want to bother you bandwagon. Yeah. And fuck you. If you code that into a site, fuck you.

Yeah. I hope you get Carpal Tunnel, you piece of shit. Yeah. Every developer out there that's putting that shit in there. Get fucked. Tom's hardware. We'd like to send you updates for hardware all week. Yeah.

I'm going to send a Carpal Tunnel cursor on your mind. You know how fucking bad your pegboards got me made fun of on the internet. Tom's hardware. Tom's hardware, I think think is a computer site. So I'm not really showing your ignorance. Whatever. Sonny Siyop, the death of Craigslist Personals. Used to be a fun time.

It used to be fun to kill time, fucking with cavemen and prostitutes on there. I posted a men seeking men ad using my buddy's phone number and watched as he was delusional with text messages. So fast that he couldn't respond to a single one before four more would pop up. Very funny. It was probably sent at least 50 dick pics. I used to like to bait hookers and cops pretending to be hookers into negotiations, asking for services like hanging drywall or painting my window sills or picking up

McDonald's on the way to meet them. That's very funny. I even got one particularly aggressive, frisky dude to drive entirely across the state in hopes of hooking up with an underage girl who didn't exist. Oh, God. Great. This shit probably isn't even funny. It's funny, but I returned to it a few times over the years. It felt like pissing in an ocean of piss. Honestly, though, it seems like another step forward in the march towards sanitizing the internet, preventing sex trafficking is worthwhile, but that's not what this does. But it seems like this gives Craigslist and other sites a lot of liability

for running what is basically the online equivalent of a bulletin board and a sketchy store front. First, they came for the ethno nationalist and then they came for the hookers. You know that's illegal to run a hooker ad right now? Yeah, on the internet. Chicken Destiny says, Weekly Rage Thread made 10 minutes ago.

I didn't catch the whole live stream of the bonus episode, so I was replaying it just now, and I have to say that sometimes I don't agree with Dick. Sometimes I violently agree with Dick and this whole Ron Babcock thing, old friend of Dick and Asterios who's now co-hosting the best debate. And his response to Dick's email filled me

with an amount of revulsion and enmity that I wasn't even prepared to feel. For those who have not listened, Dick asked him if he was aware of Maddox's lawsuit against him and he responded with a cowardly cop-out justification. It's not of my business, but I hope you all figured out. Okay, sure. I think the older I get, the more repulsed I am by this mindset. I always have been, but God, I hated so much. This act of people put on out of need to appear altruistic in their

intentions at all times. It's bullshit 100% of the time. You're acting out of self interest as to it and don't apologize for it. If you're being a piece of shit and you know what then do it anyway, just be a piece of shit. You don't give a fuck that your friend is every inch of his life fucked with at least not even to avoid the perpetrator. Then just be a shitty friend. It's not even the apology. It's the least, not even to avoid the perpetrator, then just be a shitty friend. It's not even the apology. It's the sorry, not sorry. Don't sit there and construct a high horse

just because you're too squeamish to face your own true nature. That's a fitness model and a Miss Bikini universe. Top finisher, I think like 17 times. Oh. Beautiful fitness model who is disgusted by you, Ron Babcock. I just want your balding saggy titted ass to know that someone who wins awards from how beautiful and regimented toward fitness and dedicated she is to being the best that

women and humanity has to offer thinks you are disgusting and is disgusted by you because you are a sack of shit. Just, you know, it's not every day that someone who is inherently successful and good and exemplifies good qualities of humans like Jamie, Miss Fitness, etc, comes across someone who's such a spineless reprobate, like Ron Babcock, and to voice an opinion such that he feels her with revulsion and disgust is interesting. So, you know, if you are Ron Babcock, or you feel anything in common with him,

you might similarly be disgusting to, to, you know, someone like Jamie. Yes. This letting just, yeah, it's not. It was an you know, someone like Jamie. Yes. Just, yeah, I thought it was an interesting comment. That's all. Cause it doesn't mean much, cause I am a scumbag. I hate, so I hate, you know,

it's debatable whether my esteem means anything, but someone, a woman like this is the, is the benchmark of our morality. That's what they do. All right, see you next Tuesday. is the benchmark of our morality. That's what they do. All right, see you next Tuesday.