The Dick Show - Episode 99 - Dick on Happy Accidents

Episode Date: April 24, 2018

Happy little protests, Bob Ross can't paint a cabin to save his life, Ben from Drunken Peasants calls in, my own banned words list, experience creep, my only weakness, a premature movement for robot rights, problems with the conveniences of an automatic car, being worth less than nothing, Bill Guy the Science Dude answers your questions, drinking urine, "Sh*t Talker" gets an upgrade, getting bored while jerking off, Pavlov's nut, an annual YouTube Bloodsport tournament, free black coffee at Starbucks, and the Uncucked Episodes of "The Biggest Problem in the Universe"; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Have you ever seen Bob Ross? Draw a cabin? I don't think so. Oh, wait, I'm gonna talk about that. Okay. Are you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna shit on like a beloved American icon.

Listen to me. I mean, you've had some lows before. God. Yeah. Yeah. Ha! You want dick, you need dick, you love dick, you got it! The show where everything is a contest,

everything is a contest coming to you live. From a mountain bunker, deep in the heart of the city of failure, I'm your host, Tick Masters, and the $20 million man with me is always a show on the audio engineer. Hello, dude. Hey, what's up buddy, Bob Ross. Yeah.

Cannot draw a straight line to save his fucking life. Okay. Every time I watch, look, 420 happy this week, so I watched a lot of Bob Ross cannot draw a straight line to save his fucking life. Okay. Every time I watch, look, 420 happy this week. So I watched a lot of Bob Ross to do. Let me explain that to you. It's on Twitch 24 hours a day. Yeah, that's all I do now is watch. Watch, just have Twitch on.

You don't have to pay attention. You don't accidentally get sucked into it. Cause it's a distance. I've been watching one guy try to beat, or I've been watching one guy beat Ninja Gaiden in 12 minutes for like 20 hours this week. This fucking guy Arches. He's just always beating Ninja Gaiden. Gaiden. That's all he does Is sit there beating Ninja Gaiden for like eight hours a day and I have him on. It's not old yet It's never gets old

It never gonna check in watch for like two seconds. No risk of getting sucked in, but it like calms that part of my brain that needs that weird game stimulation. Well, you know how to start with doing it. You start with doing it. Yeah, you don't have to get sucked in because you can always get sucked in. So you never get sucked in.

I never get sucked in. Like there's no plot or anything. It's just like static on it. Anyway, Bob Ross is on that channel a lot. Man, first of all, that motherfucker can paint. I don't know if you're aware of that. Yeah. Oh boy.

Yeah. Turn a blob into a masterpiece in 10 strokes, right? Uh huh. Unbelievable painter. Except, except he always, like one out of three paintings, he does this. He starts putting a cabin in the painting. And when he does, I go go, oh God Bob, no. Just throw it, crumple it up and start over.

And I don't know if he knows that he fucks up the cabin every time. It looks like dog shit. Like Bob Ross, beautiful, beautiful landscape. Like how the fuck did you get those mountains to have that kind of clarity and definition and like the shadowing? It's just like a smudge, a brush, a smudge, and you're like, look back at it, oh my God. It's like a real mountain.

That guy draws cabins like a five-year-old. Really? And he'll put a cabin in there that looks like he's just had a stroke. Really, see, I gotta find this. No concept of perspective. Like, the lines don't converge properly. The roof is like, no one would build a roof,

like sticking out and it's like a ramshackle affair every one of his cabins. Huh, okay. Have you never, I've never noticed this. I mean, I've watched, you know, if I would find him and then get sucked in. Yeah. Talk about something you'll get sucked into.

Yes. You know, Bob Ross, all of a sudden it's like, oh, happy little trees. And I can't, Oh, son, I've seen you draw 50 happy little trees. Yeah, and I'm you'll get sucked into. Yes. You know, Bob Ross, all of a sudden it's like, oh, happy little trees. And I can't. All of a sudden I've seen you draw 50 happy little trees. You said I'm completely mesmerized. Yeah. But the guy can't draw a cabin to save his life.

Didn't know that. It's hilarious. Okay. There's always that point. I'm gonna find it when I get home. I'm gonna find it. Just like, I wanna see like a super cut of Bob Ross drawing a cabin. I'm gonna draw a cabin. see like a super cut of Bob Ross drawing a cabin and not a single

one of them is remote is in the realm of something that you would ever want to stay in. Like if you walked into the wilderness, like, look at this beautiful majesty. Hey, honey, we could go sleep in that cabin. I'm not getting within 10 yards. Yeah, that thing is a blast. That is a safety hazard. Yeah. Oh, well, fuck me running.

It just will fuck me run. It's a fuck me running. I mean, structurally unsound. Yeah. Vobros cabins. It's like the people of Walmart. Yeah, no load bearing beams in the whole thing. And the, like the, the wood sheds come out at a bizarre angle.

Like, it's like a roof and then like a slightly more tilty. I have, I've seen cabins. All right, I'm not a lumberjack. I'm not a bizarre angle. Like it's like a roof and then like a slightly more tilty. I have, I've seen cabins, all right. I'm not a lumberjack. I'm not a woodsman. I'm not a big bad wolf. I don't live in the woods, but I have seen enough cabins to know that that is a fucking weird thing I'm looking at. And there's not a single cabin on earth that looks like that.

Like these, they're just like stumpy boxes. Stumpy boxes. It's the Peter Principle. It's the Peter Principle. Yeah, Bob Ross. Gotcha. Excelled to his own level of incompetence. Gotcha. Right?

Like nature scapes. As soon as he put a man-made, anything there, he fucks it up. Fucks it up. I didn't know that. Completely fucks it up. I'm really interested to Google this. I want to say like I mean I'm I have watched so much. I believe I believe you. I would bet anything that that guy if you

put a gun to his head I'll bet you a million dollars Bob Ross. He's dead right? He's dead. When if you were alive I would bet him a million dollars. He can't draw a fucking cabin that the average that a child could come in and you put the two side by side and his own wife couldn't pick which one that he drew. That's how bad his cabins are. They ruin the mass, they ruin the landscape's every fucking time. You know what? What is going to be interesting is what my brother has to say about this because he has

watched Bob Ross like a top artist. He got like ridiculously into him and just painting in general for about three weeks, I think. That's a, that's what you do. Yeah, he got super into painting and got all this shit and got all these different kinds of anal. And it's like, I don't do that anymore.

He drew like, can you go through your retirement at the age of 24? Yeah, he drew like, at a college. Well, I'm retired. I'm not too much. I need to pick a painting. And he find the age of 24. Yeah, he drew like a college. Well, I'm retired. I'm not too much. I need to pick a painting and he find the love of my life. He drew a few apples, a wooden bowl, and a knife, and called it a day. You know, I'd say, I remember your brother doing that.

Yeah. But I know he was he was watching Bob Ross. He was great at it though. Yeah, he's a talented guy. He's a talented guy. But yeah, I'm I wonder if he'll, something tells me that he will know about this, that he'll be like, yeah, he couldn't draw a fucking cabin

to save his ass. No, and every time he starts, I'm like, don't you, I know you're fucking thinking about drawing a cabin there, Bobby, he's going, who the fuck is this time? What a blush there you fuck? This time it'll be different. Yeah, this time it'll be different.

This time it'll be different. Oh well. I it'll be different. This time it'll be different. Oh well. I can't remember what he sounds like, but he's very soft spoken, right? Yeah, he sounds like that. That sounds like me. Oh God, what were we talking about before the show? I gotta bring it in,

because it's so goddamn funny. What's up? Oh, I was going through my closet. Oh, I know. Yeah. You know, my parents are in the eternal winding down of the kids' shit cycle. Yeah, like whatever that phase, get it out of my house.

Get this shit to fuck out of my house. Get this out of my, it's like the unloading phase. Yeah. It's very weird. Like parents will go, they'll have to take care of their parents' shit, like with their going in a home or they can't really keep their stuff together anymore. So the idea that they're putting that on someone else,

I think, is kind of ways on them. Like, you know, we gotta get rid of, oh, the shit. Right? We don't wanna, we gotta go through our parents stuff now, get rid of it. We don't want kids going through our stuff, making fun of it. So let's just unload it right now. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I got a ton of crap up there, and they're always, every time I go home, it's like, every time I go home, there's a there's a mystery garbage bag

of crap. I got to bring with him, right? Yeah. Yeah. Don't definitely don't want to open it up in my parents house. And then there's like a tech, there's like a technical difficulty related to something that I never quite get a clear explanation of. Okay. Well, take us just to the internet. You know, swaki. Okay. Could we be, I'm going to direct your ass to a form. If I get one more goofier wacky,

it's always like at a time when it's always like during dinner. Like, well, I can't do it. You want me to do it right now? I'm going to go up there and look at it Yeah, I need a ticketing support system. Yeah, right? Yeah, so I can read it on my phone on the way up Then when I get there I can just take care of it anyway I brought back this filing cabinet of old Nintendo power magazines because I was talking about them on the show I was weak to prove that I was an Nintendo power from the get go. Yeah.

But I was in Nintendo. I don't know what we called them back then. Anyway, the term gamer didn't exist. No, I don't know. I don't think there was I found a newspaper clipping of our body, our high school friend, the two one express, the local paper, the sports, this is the front page of the sports section, ran a bio on our friend, the two one express in high school. And I swear to God that this just seems like bullying.

It might be considered bullying now, this entire article, or at least some kind of, some kind of an aggression. Like if he had hanged himself after this came out, I wouldn't blame him because it's fucking me. Like it's a meanest thing. It's funny for me because I know him. But the guy is, let's say he's five four. Yeah, he's a very short guy.

He's very short, yeah. Yeah, he's very short, yeah, whatever. Yeah, I wouldn't say very, because that's insensitive. He's short, that's enough to say. That's okay. So the whole article reads about him, the, this is the sub headline, power in a small package.

Yeah, a diminutive senior linebacker. This is how they start. Like he's like getting written up in the paper. Yeah. Hey, everybody check it out. They're doing this cool piece on me and how great I am at football. Yeah.

To send off my senior year. Instead, it's an expose on how bad he is at height. I can't believe it. Like I can't looking back on it. I can't believe that we didn't capitalize on this. Right. This is the funniest fucking terrible right? Right. Right.

It's all bad. Right. Like it looks like they've got this is written by like Don Rickles or something. Yeah. It's like it's our small package. Diminutive senior linebacker. Uh, Valencia linebacker makes up for his lack of size

with hard work, comma, intensity. I go like a spedness of Saturday. I mean, yeah. There's one line in there that's really bad. Which one, it's, it's, Taco, no, no, here it is. You know, I'm sure you found it. Talk about a victim of genetic jokes. Here's, yeah, like it's, here it is. You know, I'm sure you found it. Talk about a victim of genetic jokes.

Here's, yeah, like it's, they're just gonna say, this is the front page of the split section. He's practically a quadriplegic, who's sheer will and determination is able to accept. Yeah, it's like, I can't stop, look, I can't stop reading this. So I found this, apparently like I saw my buddy was in this front page of the signal, like the local paper and I saved it for blackmail.

What was it? 90. You got 20 years. You got 20 years. You got 20 years. You got 20 years. More than 20 years. I just went into that 20 year reunion.

And I saved this. I put it in my file cabinet of things that were important to me. Yeah. Like my Nintendo power magazines. Well, turns out you were right. I was right. How could have predicted that this would be so funny? Yeah.

I don't even remember storing it to be funny. I was just happy about my friend. Yeah, but it's funnier today than it was 20 years ago. Yeah, because of how, yeah. Because now I can picture the guy who wrote this as being younger than me and fucking up. Like, like, I can, now I can imagine my friend having written this and me getting a coffee and saying, why the fuck did you do this in the sky? Why did you do this to this kid?

Yeah. Why are you making fucking short jokes? It's a kid. Yeah. Who was all that nasty? It's a scary. You think he's not sensitive about it? Well, you know,. Who was all that nasty? I think it's... You think he's not sensitive about it? Well, you know, I wanted to write,

like I wanted it to be an inspiring piece for, you know, maybe some other people who were facing difficulties in their lives, like, you know. Maybe don't use the term genetic joke. I mean, oh yeah? That's step one. You were trying to do that with the following paragraph. Talk about a victim of genetic jokes.

Yeah. Here's a guy ready to graduate high school in June and his little sister in junior high stands taller. Yeah. Yeah. Why would you say? Why would you bring that shit up? Right.

How did that interview go when his when his classmates ride the roller coasters at magic mountain he has to stay behind With the other moms with the other grandma's watching their young daughters babies Oh, man, that's funny honey But I can short people just got to kill everybody. Like there's gotta be a short purge where just all the short people band together and murder everyone over 5'10. Yeah. So all of us, 5'10 plusers,

we just walk around all day, like stooping as these guys run around with like, sides that are all marked exactly at 5'10, measuring everybody up that they come across exactly at 510, measuring everybody up that they come across. Like, let's go, line up with the side, right? Off with this fucking head. Nobody over it.

They're going to chop the tops of you off until you're under 510, 58, whatever it is. God, I don't want to piece a shit. That wouldn't be written today. I don't think. Oh, who knows? Not quite like that. I don't know, but I can't stop reading it now. Well, I haven't even opened it up to see the whole article.

Well, I know you said that. I just read that. Yeah, you caught it. Yeah, well, I was zoomed up. I wanted to see what the article was about. I mean, you just thought it was funny. The two unexpressed was like on the cover of the sports section of the local paper. I mean, like a tough look.

I don't know if I can read the Bible. I can read the article. And then, oh my God. I can read the article. Fuckin' Sean. Oh, the only guy who ever read Playboy for the article is Sean. Oh God, all right. Happy 99th episode, everybody.

I got to spend from the drunken peasants is calling in on a little bit. Cool. I got some things to make me rage. The uncucked episodes are out. It uncucked dot the dick show. You put out 10. Yeah, I put out 10.

Maybe it was too many, but. Oh, really? Yeah, maybe I should have gone with five, but whatever. Well, you got to just, right? No. I already picked it was too many, but oh really? Yeah, maybe I should have gone with five, but whatever. Well, you could have just, right? No, I already picked it. I already picked it's 10. It's incredible.

It got 12,000 downloads, I think. Really? Yeah, just that feed. That's how dead the brand is, that 12,000 people. So, two days instantly downloaded. So each download is all the episodes? No, no, I put them on a feed just as though it were a regular podcast. Guys, it's the nobody wants to fuck around with downloading it.

Yeah, okay. So the guys from Encyclopedia Dramatic, very generously offered to host them, but I figured what the fuck? I'll pay a little bit of money to put them on Libson and put them on iTunes, go through the whole thing. It should make it easier for them. Is that Libson's download shenanigan numbers too? Yeah. Yeah. That's with Libson's new new policy, which probably wouldn't hurt the biggest problem because episodes are only an hour long. Yeah. They got longer, but they did, they were a lot shorter than this one. Yeah. I don't think anything went over an hour and a half.

Libson does a bunch of, is doing a bunch of damage control on like I Google that stuff and they're just like why you're Downloads are you know why your downloads are down why ball? It's uh, it helps us You know, they're all trying to spin it but it's funny because people people are obviously up in arms about it Because it's like they're like it's significant. Well, yeah, because it's also like why yeah, then show me who Show me who got discounted then like show me fucking anything or just keep the numbers the same and pay less per download. It sounds like they're, it sounds like they're cowtowing to like an agency to make it the same across the board. I think they are to. I think I think everybody forgets that, um, well, you know what? No, we forget that we're

not the customers, the advertising agents. Well, some, yeah, exactly, you know what? No, we forget that we're not the customers, the advertising agents. Well, some, yeah, exactly, exactly. That's why we never get what we want. Right. But you better keep the fucking cows happy, man. Happy cows mean good cheese. How does that slogan go?

Happy cows make happy cheese. Happy cows come from California. Yeah. Happy, keep the fucking cow. There's, yeah, okay. I understand that the human being is the product, but fucking happy cows come from California. That's all I'm going to say. I think we all, yeah, boo. Yeah. Keep the cows happy. You're not keeping them. Don't just keep them docile. Don't temple, grand in us to the advertising. Wow. What a reference. And then I asked to advertise.

Wow, what a reference. I love that movie. Was it did Claire Danes play her? She was great. Yeah. Great. Not once did anybody talk about, I don't, I don't remember anybody talking about like women in film and saying Temple Grand, and yeah, great example of what. It's always Wonder Woman. Ah, we, we got them because they love fucking up our things.

Yeah, Wonder Woman's about women in power, because fuck men and their superheroes, fuck you. You guys got to grow up. Like, what about Temple Grandinner, that other movie with like five scientists chicks, the anomaly or something like that? Nothing. Total radio silence.

Anyway, the Uncouple Grandin. She's actually talking about big problems. Kind of tucking things. Yeah, the uncut. Global graded. She's actually talking about big problems. How do tucking things? Yeah, what? How dare you, sir? How dare you release something that's half mine and half yours of ungrateful fans? They're all going to know that that sometimes when you made these great zingers, it took me a few seconds to come up with a response. Being instantaneous. Yeah, or you just cut the singer out completely.

Yeah, sometimes I do that. It's completely unacceptable. You, this is reprehensible behavior. This is clearly targeted harassment. Yeah. 12,000 downloads. He's, that's bogus. Either one is account of harassment against you, mad cubs.

It's exactly, yeah. I'm gonna, I'm going to need the names and addresses of all 12,000 of those downloaders. Good luck. Go ask Lipson. You can, you can get to the bottom of their advertising model completely, completely unbelievable. This, you know, and granted, I know that the reason why this feed was, was released is mostly my due to me, Matt Cuts saying that you should do this repeatedly. And everybody owes me a thank you. Oh, okay, here we go. Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you for recommending it. You're welcome. You're well-cooked. Oh, he was sincere. What a long, like, you know, the funny is part about the uncooked episodes. I never compared them, note for note, like the people are doing now.

Sure. But there's this weird, like, there's this weird four-year burn on some of the jokes that I'm making. Like, a couple, a lot of my jokes get cut. Like, you know, five or six of my jokes get cut every episode. There's an example somebody found where Maddox cut out his own boring explanation for something, but left in me saying it was boring. So like he said, so I sound like an asshole for complaining about something that's not

boring being boring. And it's like, that's what's so odd looking at these, because I wrote my, in my mind, in my history of the events, I remember it as it happened. But everybody else's history of events is the cut versions. That's true. So now everybody gets to see what actually happened by listening to these episodes and it's fucking with some people. It's great, he's like, holy shit. Like I always thought that's not what he was responding to at all. Yeah, like I thought Dick was a total asshole

and now I see, he's still an asshole but at least he's like dicking around and making jokes and having fun. Have you listened to him, Mad Cucks? Yeah, listen, I think I'm on episode four or five. I've been listening to him while I work. It really takes me back. Yeah, listen, I think I'm on episode four or five. I've been listening to them while I work. It's a it really takes me back. Yeah, me too. When I was first listening to the episodes when I was moving and working and stuff. And yeah, but at the same time, there's it often there'll be a little, I'll be like, Oh, that's that's, I don't remember this part.

Yeah. Oh, um, if you want, if you want real, real heavy duty autism on the episodes, a guy by the name of D militarized zone on Reddit is doing, like, very in depth analysis. He's got all the first three episodes right now. How much time it's cut? How many total edits? Yeah. How much dead air? And then he does like a super cut of the bits that were taken out.

And I suggested to him, I think he's going to do this is that he's going to put it all together so they'll just be only the edited parts. Oh my god. Everybody to listen to you once it's all said and done. That's got to be confusing. Um, no, you know what I, we know what else I saw, uh, a dude by the name of desert flood or desert floods. he took the original episode, the wave form for what was released, excuse me, the released cut version. And then he spliced in visually,

he spliced in my uncooked unedited versions that I just released, so you can follow along with the wave form, and then when it hits a thing that was cut, you can see where it was cut and like watch, watch as you hear it, where the cut started and where it ended. It was really fucking addicting. Yeah, I hope that got me in trouble because I inadvertently clicked that thinking it was going to be an image and then it was a video and I had my sound on on my computer and

it became but clearly obvious that I had no interest in what the people around me were talking about. Yeah. Oh, man, that is, that is embarrassing. When you're in a conference call and you like load up some news page and it's like, this week Trump's is like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I just, just, everybody turns to look at you and you got to, like, oh man, I must have gotten a virus just dumped in DM computer. I thought I was clicking on a word with what you were saying. Related documents and I just gave myself away as just like all of you not caring about what we're talking about in this meeting.

But I have to feel the shame of it because that was caught. Yeah. It's like that hot potato, the children's game. We just do that our entire life. Yeah, we never stop playing. It's just losing, getting a loss isn't as thrilling anymore. So we do it with different stuff.

Right, right? Like, ooh, someone got caught cheating. Ah, now we're all gonna shame. I would never do that. It's that fucking guy. Oh, this guy's doing bad stuff, not me. All right, let me play. I was gonna save it till later, but I really wanna show Sean

one of these cuts and how it looks when you're watching, when you're playing along with him. Okay, yeah, I wanna see. Let me see, let me find a good one. There's one where you can tell Maddox is a fucking pissed. Oh really? Already in these early months. Oh dude, yeah.

So I went back also. Because I remember just having the best time for a long time on that show. Yeah, before it got contentious, after the first 10, and maybe I should write this like on the page or do some kind of write up, but I figured we'd talk about it on the show. Yeah. After the first 10,

I just evolved myself of editing discussions. I basically said, do whatever you want. So I'm not gonna push back. You and he were having these insane discussions like from the very beginning, unbeknownst to me. Well, yeah, because like the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like all that kind of shit, like I had no idea he was sending those kind of emails.

I mean, you, I'm a bloated. Cause you necessarily volunteer that stuff, you know what I mean? Cause it's not funny, like who wants to hear about a guy coming in with a fucking pot? Like you don't want to hear about, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, sure. It's just a fucking podcast. Yeah, so what, that he's, so what that Maddox is like a control freak

and being kind of an asshole, but he's also got this brand to worry about like fuck, do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what am I gonna go complain to you? Right. No, it's like it's so. I've got a dick versus dick here,

because episode three of biggest problem, somebody came in yelling at Sean about editing the episodes, knowing full well that Sean didn't edit the episode. Oh, yeah. Well, see, okay. Do you remember that? Vagley. Okay. Mad Max. You know what episode that was? It's episode three. It's because because Sean wasn't on episode one and then he was on episode two. So the time of episode three, you come in saying, I got a lot of chewing out to do, you know, I was listening to the episode this week and I had all these great jokes and I'm listening to the episode and they're all not there. So I don't know what your problem is.

I really all these things. Yeah. I have. And then Maddox, I feel that he's the one that edited. That's because it's a very simple reason. Yeah. What I wanted in the show was to bring the conversations that Maddox and I always had at lunch. Right. Have like like lunch once a week or another. To the air. To the air. Yeah.

And the funniest part to me of that was the behind the scenes, bickering. Yes. Like that, let me find, let me find a good example. You always said that. This is the email that I was going to read to Sean as I can go. Go ahead, say what you're going to say. No, I was going to say you said something to me to the effect of referring to him. If

I'm going to keep having these arguments with you, I'm going to get paid for it. Yeah, exactly. We're getting paid. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and I just had it before the show. Okay, here we go. This is an email from Maddox on Episode 2 final, Sean. What does it say here? What's the count of emails? There's 27 emails on this back and forth about the cuts that were in Episode 2. Here you go, man. I cut about three minutes total, pretty minor stuff. Caught a lot of pregnant pauses and ums and augh, trim the intro, trim the plastic bag for another guy's,

flows much smoother. Also, the same note as last time. Also, the same note as last time he's giving me. So he's already, yeah, already have notes, episode two. Your performance notes. We can criticize each other, but calling the show boring hurts the show. IE calling a segment boring, because I called that stupid dog and baby game that he

wanted to play boring. I took that line out again. Remember that. Let me know if you want a full list of all the edits. Otherwise, everything is awesome. I still like this episode a lot. Here you go. And there it is.

That dog and baby game were every couple of questions. You go, oh, there's just two more. And they asked two more and say, oh, there's just two more. Yeah. Okay, this is, this is really not fun for anybody. Anybody. Let me see if I could find the, oh, fuck, man, I got to find it now. Right.

I got to play it. Yeah. People are saying on, on, on, what, Reddit, they're saying they want to vote again on the issues. And some people are against that. They say that the voting would become obvious like it would, you know, everyone would just vote down, Maddox the issues. And some people are against that. They say that the voting would become obvious like it would, everything would just vote down, Maddox's issues. But I don't think that's necessarily true because some of the issues, you know, make them make a lot

of sense, like monkeys. Yeah. Everybody should definitely vote those up. Yeah. Up. Oh, as a part of the chicks of the animal kingdom after all. Okay. Uh, what episode was it with dogs? I think it's episode three. I think it's pretty early. I'm going to skip around and then I'll play it properly. When people are talking about their dogs, we're talking about themselves. That was cut. And just let's say.

Yeah, we get to beat the headlines. All right. Also cut. All right. Can we move? Don't tell me what to do anymore. No, you cannot play this game anymore. How many of these are going to be half? There we go. Okay. This is all cut. All right. Can we go? We don't tell you what to do anymore. You cannot play this game anymore. How many of these are the same as the half?

This is all cut. Oh, wow. Yeah, this is... So I'm looking at the way for him. You've got the complete episode or the my edit episode up top and they have the as originally published on the bottom and there's a giant gap in the middle where my episode is going to take over correct right yes To the biggest problem in the universe. I matter

Okay Little bit of the talk okay here we go now everybody could see it on the video Okay, child This is the dog versus child game. Okay, can we move? Can we not play this? No, no you cannot play this game anymore. How many more of these headlines do you have you more you made your point? This is a game we're playing the game so serious all right Next one so serious look at this the fake radio voice to the real this is the real me. Yeah, I'm sorry It's okay. You idiot. No, look at this. The fake radio voice to the real, this is the real me. Listen. I'm sorry, it's trying to get you.

It's all right. No, it's true. OK, this is cut. Can we not play this game anymore? You cannot play this game anymore. How many more of these headlines do you have? You made your point. This is a game.

We're playing the game to the conclusion. All right. All right. Next one. It could probably be more than just a dog or a kid, too. OK. Here's the next one. This is the next more than a just a dog or a kid, okay? Here's the next one. Next one. We really have to go through all these cut. What was interesting about the piece? Yeah, okay, this is this is also similarly all similarly all cut right? What's the next one? And now we really have to go through all these go read the next one. I'm sorry

Did you have something else you'd like to talk about you want to go back to your insulting the earth about your fucking dating because you can't get laid Jesus Yeah Didn't I pull out of it man Cultures clash It's got to be like a gift here we go last one. We got more. Is there anything I can do to stop this game He's gave Joe early two more of these. Silence. Two problem. Oh. Do you have any content, Dick Fuck? No, no, no.

Please go. Fuck me. Ah! Ah! Ah! Fuck you. It's happening in this early. This is the same thing.

Yeah, again, there's emails that followed. This was during the episode. Oh no, I bet there's emails that followed. Just bustling guys balls about stupid game. Yeah, do you have anything to fuck? Yeah. Fuck me. Huh. Episode four, Sean. Yeah. How did it help that it last to 108? I don't know. Okay, here we get the last one I'm going to play. And obviously, you can see, you can see all this shit at uncooked. The dick show.com. I'm taking all of the material that people generate and I'm trying to keep it in one place on the post.

This is pretty cool. Yeah, like it's cool to see, right? Because you can see where like history was erased. Well, and you can also gather a consistency to his edits. What kind of stuff he is editing. And the difference in his mind between when he's being like, I am review guy. Here's my bid.

You hit my game, it's dogs versus kids. Just don't act here for Lomon on over the internet. Hey dude, can you just, God, I'm just trying, it's like fucking Napoleon Dynamite. You can create a personality profile based on these cuts. Yeah, very great. I did really something great by releasing them. I think that's what you're saying.

Yeah. Okay, here's the last one. College. Okay. Oh, boring, geez. Can we move on? Do we have to talk about this? Oh no, boo, boo, boo.

All right, Dick, what's your problem? Okay. Um, what's your problem? Okay. Um. That was just bizarre. That was, yeah. What a fucking baby. So that, in my mind, that was reality. Yeah.

And then what, and everybody else's mind that, whoo, that never got through, a man who just cannot control himself. When he's being recorded anyway. All right. This is the exact definition that I've talked about. Yeah. Well, I don't know. You shouldn't have tried to take the trademark.

You shouldn't have let me record it. You shouldn't have said those things. Yeah, I guess I really did this to myself. Yeah. Who is this? Are you going to do the bonus episodes too? I bet there's a little spaghetti out there that I'm in those with the Apple test and the wine test. I don't, I don't know. I love to think about that. I don't know. Right. The next time I come to LA, I'm going

to stop at every steak joint along the way. And I'm going to get a bunch of different steaks. And we're going to do a steak test for you. Okay. I'm sure that, that sounds fair. There'll be a great condition by the time you get here. Yeah. Absolutely. It's a 19 hour drive spread out over three or four days. Yeah. Dry age. You can't tell the difference between three or four day old doggy pegs. Take it costs $30 and three or four day old doggy pegs. Take the cost $80. You then what do you even know about steak when you really think about it? Yeah. Hey, are you gonna, are you really going to box Kimball? Is that true? Are you in Kimball going to fight? If Kimball wants to come here and fight me, absolutely. I'm not gonna go out of my way to fight him. Yes, I think he will. Or are you guys just gonna start

a podcast together? Like, he's not, he's not welcome on my podcast. I have a podcast. It's great. We, it's the best podcast. It's huge. Here's the end of it. Patreon.com forward slash hwadg. Yeah. Okay. It is great. Thank you, Mad Cux. Hey, thank you. You got to come out here soon again, man. I miss you. Yeah. I need to find some time. I don't know when it's going to be, though. We'll figure it out. Come out to L.A. Have some laughs. Have some steak. Have some steaks. Okay. So we got that out of the way. Next episode is the 100th episode. Yes it is.

Where I will be selecting the co-host of the show. Oh! Yeah. That has been my plan from the outset. Yeah, yeah. I was wondering when that was get, yeah. Of course you were. Yeah.

You didn't know. You didn't know the whole plan in your head. Well, no, I mean, your big picture guy. Yeah, I've been waiting 100 episodes to pick. Now there's a lot of votes. Everyone has had time to go vote on who they want to be the the co-host of the show. Yeah.

If you haven't this week, make sure you do that. There will be a couple of days. Yeah. What makes me a rage this week? I'm going to start with the stupid one and then get to the get to the tough ones. Oh, before I forget, what we were talking about with the old show,

the guy from Encyclopedia, Dramatic, Odd Guy, posted this on the Reddit. Yeah. He's been watching, he's been going through a lot of the old, biggest problem episodes, because he's working on a second video about, oh yeah.

This is so compelling this drama that's happening. His conclusion, he says on the Reddit, was he's reached the idea that Maddox had no idea what made the show good and was constantly making it actively worse. I agree. I think his instincts are entirely the opposite of what made the show intriguing or good. Yeah, like to me, I love hearing a guy melt down, like getting so bitchy and heavy. Because you like real. Yeah.

You like people acting like they have. Yes. Especially on the radio. It lets people feel like they know them, they can relate. Right. They know someone like that. Yeah. And that's um, and I don't even think it's bad. It's the difference. It's, right, it's the difference between, well, like I've had many discussions with listeners over these road rages. Yeah. And the biggest thing that I can see the difference is you bring all the listeners in and make them an equal

part of the group. He always kept a barrier between himself and the listeners who were, who were beneath him or not to be brought into the circle. There was always going to be, he may come up to the fence, you know, and shake your hand over the fence, but they were never going to be on, you can wait in line. They were never going to be on our side of the fence. Yeah, exactly. Never going to be on our side of the fence.

So I'm just on that alone. I'm really excited to see how these edits go. I didn't think these would be that interesting, but fuck, they are. Like I've gone, I've been waiting on desert floods and the demilitarized zones updates. Like, ah, come on, man. It is interesting. And I didn't think it's like, ah, come on man. It is interesting. And I didn't think it's because, yeah, I guarantee you, you're gonna see some real consistent things.

Yeah. You know, edit it out, which a lot of which you knew already, you knew that, you know, things that we're gonna make him look bad or petty, but I had forgotten about them. I like I had forgotten, even as early as episode four. Okay. Here's what makes me rage this week too much too much shit too much automatic shit in cars. Okay. Sean, I would say I would say about half of the innovations that we look at every day are helpful to us

and the other half just make your life a fucking nightmare. Like I'm driving around with all the automatic useless shit that I got in my beautiful new house on wheels that everybody on listening to this show paid for. The fucking F-150 Super Crew. I was gonna say it's not a mobile home. It is a fucking space shuttle. It is a, it might as well be a mobile home. Yeah. No, they're great.

You can sleep two, three chicks in that thing. No problem. Trucks, pick up trucks. Pick up trucks aren't your dad's pickup truck anymore. Oh, they're like, they're like, they're like high-end luxury vehicles. They really are. But it is like driving a fighter plane. Yeah. The shit, the shit that I have to pay attention to while driving plug my phone in for a charge. Nope, I also get a complimentary car play service that takes over control of my phone and that lets me control it as though I'm this imaginary person that doesn't text while I drive.

And I got a wait for Siri's stupid ass to pipe through the computer on that phone, the computer in the car, and then relate to me like I'm being patched in through three satellites while I talk about texting somebody back, plug it in. Oh, hi, you've got 60 unread text messages. Here I go, like all I fucking wanted was, let me turn the radio off while I read you all these texts that you obviously didn't want to listen to when you plugged it in.

First starters. Now I'm driving Skip while figuring out how to skip this thing because the voice is totally worthless. Now I'm more dangerous Now I'm much more dangerous because now I'm not even thinking about it. Right now I'm going like seven layers deep in where I'm going and where I'm thinking about the road. I'm gonna stop the fucking thing from Helping thank God I come I come up to a stop where I can concentrate a little more on turning off all this automatic shit. I come up to a stoplight. The car turns itself off. This is a feature to, I don't know, save gas or something or I know that it

does that. And then it starts right away. Where is the fuck, so I, it's bizarre. I come to a stop, you can feel the power steering turn off. So I'm like, well, I really hope that a semi truck doesn't start barreling down on me because I have zero fucking steering until I pull my foot off the brakes and then wait for the engine to turn itself on and it's every fucking time. It's quick, right?

I mean, it is quick. How quick, I mean, was it quick in tremors when they jumped in the window and started it, like, I need the car now. I don't need it two and a half seconds from now. I need a fucking now. Can you disable that feature?

But you have to disable it every time you get in the car because it reboots when you shut the car off to go back into auto engine off mode. That seems dangerous. So you pull, I'll tell you what's dangerous about it, because you milliseconds can mean something. Exactly. You pull up to a stop light,

the car shuts off, and a warm wind of mildew comes out of the air because the air doesn't fucking work while the car is idling. While the car's just in, that's just a fucking fan blowing in your own stinky ass back onto you What the fuck is the point of having an air conditioning if I only get it while I'm while like half the time

I'm in the car. Yeah, that's trick. I turn the air on. Oh, you wanted some nice crisp air conditioned air a nice breeze But you're fucking right through this is because it's so fucking frustrating to die This is because it's so fucking frustrating. I'm about to die. Nobody wanted, never in my entire life have I heard somebody say awesome car, wished it turned off every time I was at a life. Yeah, what the fuck? Wait, I bought this, right?

I could afford the gas. I can turn my own car off. Yeah, I'm not, I don't need to be indoctrinated into the church of the HyperM hyper mileage club in my own car. If you're car sitting there idling, it's getting like 80 miles a gallon. It's not doing anything. John, it makes no sense, and it's in the entire system.

All of these things, like constantly, constantly overreaching. It's gotta be doing something else, right? I mean, like, it's just the car for fuel economy. Who, yeah, probably. What else could it be? I don't know. It's gotta be that. Yeah.

But it's the most, every single stoplight, if I'm not dicking with the terrible car play that does not work, that I challenge anyone to figure out. Because of course, the car play only recognizes the Apple Maps on the phone, not Ways, which is what everybody uses. So if I've got Apple Maps sucks, it's unusable. Yeah, Ways and Fugging Usable.

It's you all know this because none of you fucking use it. I guarantee the designers for this, the developers don't go home every day, plug in their phone and go, well, I hope Apple Maps, I hope I make it home, fucking today, with this system that gives directions like a five year old little girl. Do you even, does Apple Maps even understand the concept of traffic? I don't know. I don't know.

Couldn't tell you, because I take the extra 10 seconds, it requires to un-fucking do it just to get a charge. Right. Just to get a charge. Press anything immediately, turn, immediately fucks all, all, every time I plug in my phone, madcuck starts with the biggest, the bestest, what is his show? The bestest show in the universe is?

What? Here's what I don't know. Madcuck says, no, his bonus episode is where he's making fun of Madcuck's bonus episodes. Oh, I don't know. Every, because that's like the only thing I've ever bought on iTunes. Oh. Is Mad Cux's bonus episode?

That's right. I'm like, Cux, first the existence. Mad Cux versus existence, thank you. That you can buy on iTunes. It's very funny, very funny. I hope he does more of them. Every fucking time with this automatic shit, all the automatic shit that couldn't predict what I'm doing

in a million years. Yeah. A little too eager to implement things that, to help. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's, I, I'm doing in a million years. Yeah. A little too eager to implement things that to help. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm with you on that shit. Stop being so clingy. Don't automatically turn.

Like, what do you think, what do you think this is? It's a car. It's a controlled explosion that we're driving down the street on dead dinosaurs. It's not, this isn't Jarvis from Iron Man, you stupid motherfuckers. What do you, this isn't what you think it is. I don't need to reclove of mildew every time I pull up

to a stoplight, because then I think, well then what the fuck is this then? Is this right? Yeah. Should I be smelling, is this a defect now? Do I gotta take, do I gotta add one more thing? I'm, we went to Golden Road yesterday speaking of automatically. Should I be smelling is this a defect now? Do I gotta take do I gotta add one more thing on them? We went to Golden Road yesterday speaking of automatically automatic shit. Yeah, hard does to you. Okay, and

either my dad or my brother-in-law locked the keys in their car running at the gate of the brewery. Like stopping anybody, stopping all egress and ingress to a brewery. That's how these guys, they were in the same car and they pointed the finger at each other. Oh, no, no, no, no. Typical man, this is the, as much as I complain about women, this is men to a fucking tea. They get out marching out like the bushwackers.

So my brother-in-law is driving the Tahoe, I think, is it an navigator or Tahoe? It's a Tahoe, they have a giant black Tahoe for the kids, right? Cause safety is so important. So you get safety and looks, very important. Not necessarily in that order. Not in that order.

They pull up to the valet. Yeah, you know, crooked probably, because they got all the kids screaming in the back and I'm texting up, it's like, what the fuck are you? I need to save this table. I'm getting encroached upon I'm got a job. He's trying to inch less my fucking picnic table. Yeah, exactly So they pull up to the brewery and My dad is in the passenger seat my brother-in-law's in the driver's seat both of them hop out

Close the doors Valley Pumps to handle nothing. No give it all I go. Why'd you lock the door? Both of them, both of them marching in, pissed off. So I go, I'm already knowing what the answer's gonna be. Oh, hey, what's up guys? Which one of you locked the car?

Which one of you locked the car with the kids? Because I was told what was happening. Okay, my mom came in, she said. So somebody just, it was an automatic thing. Like somebody just hit lock on the... Obviously one of them did, both of them at the same time. The car did it, the car just did it, and it's happened before.

Like, how are you fucking? Okay. I'm one of you fucking did it. No, but I just got out. I just got like you clearly, one of you guys clicked it with your, yeah. Now, it automatically does that sometimes. Automatically locks the key, wow.

Well, that's a shitty feature, I guess. If true. It's generally, I would think they'd probably lock it and unlock it with the key fob, right? Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they're- Or they just both bumped, because they're both elbow-y men. You know, there's two types of men.

The men with 10-foot elbows. Flying elbows. And then the rest of us, right? That's true. That's true. Men who are walking around like a fucking albatross, wherever they go and sit with the elbows sticking out. How did they get the car open?

Triple A had to come. Oh my God. Were they able to get people? No! Totally blocked. Totally blocked. All these drunk people are trying to, like, you know, chewing gum, trying to be cool, driving out of the brewery, and all these people really amped up to get in or at the other

side. Oh my God, I bet people were fucking pissed off. Oh yeah. How long did it take? Oh, it was pretty quick. Yeah. Like 10 minutes. Okay.

I also wonder why places don't just have slim gyms in them. Like, yeah, why does, why does, why does, why does restaurants not just have a slim gyms? Like a slim gym works on a lot of cars, not all cars, but. Okay, no cars does it not work on? Some, some are like slim gym proof, they have like this mechanism around the lock,

like like a shield and stuff where you can't get it. So. Well, that's what makes me rage. I had some other stuff too. Ben, Ben pies on the line. Should I just bring him on and talk about what makes us a rage? Never done that. Why not? Let me see if he's around.

Sure. Drunken Ben. You there, man? Yes. Yeah, what's up, dude? The hero of Portland. Yes. Hey, Ben.

Fucking hero of Portland. Thanks for coming on, man. Ben is the co-host of the Drunken Peasants podcast. He has been for a long time. Very funny. And it's still going. A lot of people don't know it is because you guys went through a pretty nasty breakup too. That we did. Yeah. It's, it's mostly cleared up and we're just, we're just keeping things going on our end here. It we're starting to see improvements, but yeah, it took a massive slide at first because

there was some announcements made that the show was done when I had not authorized that. So are you allowed? Are you allowed to get into any of it? Because it was shocking when so Sean TJ. Yes, the amazing atheist, I think he's called. He went, he has this gigantic following. He just released a video saying the show is over. Like everybody pack up and go home, but apparently didn't run this by any of his collaborators

being one of them. Right. Is that about right, Ben? It was, I was actually the only one that it wasn't ran by. Oh. So, I didn't give authorization to let the public know that it was ending. Yeah. But I mean, since then, we did do an actual mediation.

There wasn't agreement reached. I can't really get into it too much. Okay. But, I mean, people already know that I lost access to all of the accounts and the show was down for a whole month. And there was the expectation that the show just was over. And now till this day in comments sections on YouTube comments sections, you'll see, wow, I thought the show was dead.

God, it's the worst feeling, right? Yeah. It sucks. I get an email maybe every week or every other week from somebody saying dude I'm listening to your entire show I had no idea that it even existed oh wow how long have you been doing this yeah so what are you guys doing now off I mean we just did a six hour stream the other day to kind of raise awareness. I guess we're having you on tomorrow.

They're doing their own telephones to raise awareness. You know, people raise awareness for stupid stuff, like human trafficking and stuff like. You need to fuck that. You need to raise awareness of myself. Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what's the, what's the atmosphere like?

What do you mean? If they're working together, right? Well, I think TJ's gone. Oh, really, I was gonna say, so I thought there was like a reconciliation. No, no, no, no. Okay. No, no, there was a mediation and an agreement

was reached to allow me to continue doing it. I see, yeah, under the name, you continue with it. Okay, got it. Yes under the name, continuing. Okay. Got it. Yeah. Yes. So, and I'm glad that we could come together and do that. No one got sued for $20 million. That's good. Or anything.

So fucking expensive. And you guys, you guys locked out. Thank God cooler heads prevail. Anyway, man, thank you for coming to Portland. You were the star of the show easily. Well, thanks for having me. That was pretty exciting, actually.

That was wild. With the do not, this is my list of filter words that Maddox didn't want red on your show. Yeah, and then the next morning when I woke up, I had a DM from Maddox on Twitter. And he was like, he was like, you just doxed me. Yeah. For reading the parts we bleeped out, I'm assuming. Yeah, which I had no clue what they meant. I had no idea. No, because they were all mixed up.

Like it was like a bunch of encoded, encoded words that meant nothing to nobody except for him. Speaking of which, I have a list, I have a list of band words because I'm going to be on your show on Monday. So I've prepared a band list for you that I don't want. It'd be good. Do you guys still have a super chant and stuff? Yeah, yeah. We'll make sure that we keep those blocks. So I'll have to refund. Okay. Patreon.com. Patreon.com slash is the rios. I don't want anybody promoting that shit. Nobody does. I need I need the money, not as the rios. I need the legal money. Los Angeles. I don't want anyone knowing where I live. That's a big no-no. 32 triple D's. That's all just because Peach mentioned her cup size

in the show. I don't think she wants anybody talking about it. So I don't, I especially don't want anybody talking about it. I'm just doing, you know, as a friend, going out of my way to make sure that nobody knows about it. Team Sean, and then I've got about 500 different spellings

of Sean that I need to block. And make sure the letter I is also replaced with the number one, and you put a dollar sign for the S. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have password where the O is zero, because I don't want anyone knowing my password for things. Right. All Roman numerals, because I don't want anyone knowing my password for things. Right. Um, uh, all Roman numerals, because I don't want my phone number. I don't want even anything close to my phone number.

No number, no numbers Roman numerals. I'm sorry. I'm any no numerals. I met. Yeah. Or Roman numerals. I don't want that. That's also that could be code.

Yeah. For my phone up for any kind of doxing. How about binary? You should block everything in binary code as well. Yeah. And, uh, Kleg is a pedophile. I also don't want anybody saying, say they think it's funny. Yeah. Oh, anyway, man, uh, it's good to talk to you again. Yeah, you too. Yeah. Uh, let's see here. I got, I got a bunch of stuff that I was going to bring in what makes me rage. Do you want to talk about the Starbucks racial bias training? Do you know anything about that, Sean?

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah, that they're closing down all their stores. Like 1800 stores or so. Yeah. In a month. Yeah. So our people of color not supposed to go to Starbucks until then, they weren't clear about that. Yeah, it could be a racially 10th zone before the proper training is administered. You might say, like we're sending everybody to racial. The fuck is going on. If you're black, you can't go, you might be arrested until then, until May 29th and they actually do the, and I was also wondering, do black people have to go to the sensitivity training, right? I mean, they might provide some input.

Oh, are they hosting it? I don't know. Well, I mean, I'm just saying it. Like, dude, wouldn't you be kind of pissed off? Would you want a bunch of white people teaching other white people how to be racially sensitive? Yeah, they have to be. We see a picture. I mean, some there should be some representative of the group.

It does seem like it's just white people apologizing to other white people. Like a seminar, because black people shouldn't have to go flat out, right? Like, you just get the day off work, right? Sure. You don't need to be taught how to be sensitive to this shit. Or maybe you do. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore. Yeah, I'm either. I live in Seattle and Starbucks is a local company here. And it was on the news the very next day that the CEO of Starbucks was flying out to Philly to do damage control. Boy, Philly, that's why we had the first show there. That's great. Because they do this, the whole city's damage control.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. They're the one city that will not, like they're the sparta of America. Yeah. They're the ones that, you know, shall not pass or whatever. They're the 300, the racially insensitive 300 all live in Philly and proud of it, you know, like everybody else. What are you? They go through that thing. What are you a farmer? What are you? What

are you? And they go Philly? What are you? racially insensitive. Yeah, I, it is, it is so funny. And I don't think, like, I thought they could just give black people free coffee. Like, why not? I mean, is that racially insensitive? Is it racially insensitive to assume how they like their coffee? I was going to, that was my, gonna be my next question. Free black, free their coffee. I was going to that was my gonna be my next question. Free black coffee. And then because without the training, they would come in like a black, I would come in

and say, hi, I'd like my free black coffee. And then the white insensitive person would say, like, oh, no, I can't put any, you just can't put any creamer in it because it says free black coffee, right? So we're gonna arrest you if you use any of our sugar or half and half. Right? Now I see. Yeah, I haven't been I haven't been to CEO. I've never had to face these dilemmas. I guess that's all I had to say about that. What if someone's mixed race? Do you give them a little bit of cream based on the percentage that you think they have? Yeah, but they only get a half a cup. A coffee. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

God, it's so funny. I can't wait to see, I would give anything to be in one of those seminars too. Oh, like somebody's gonna leak what the hell they're talking about. That can't, there's no way you could have a pretend seminar about racial training for 18,000 people and not fuck up, right?

Like that's just asking for somebody like for somebody to have a Mel Gibson meltdown at your corporate training event. Well, like this whole thing to me reeks of like a a bunch of white people telling other white people how to act. I mean, I hope they have some, you know, some higher up black people

in the organization speak. Yeah. Because otherwise, it's gonna come off like a nature program. Like they're studying, like a, you know, like, oh, we'll see when, if, you know, this means, you know, you can't, don't approach them this way because it could lead to an altercation, you can't don't approach them this way because it could lead to an altercation.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yes, it's like, it's designed. It just sounds like it's super- It's super-racial on its face. Yeah, extremely. It's racist, I guess. Yeah, it is gonna come out like that. Makes it very funny. Just like, hey, don't, it is gonna come out like that. That makes it very funny.

Just like, hey, don't, we're gonna have a new policy of not calling the cops unless you're doing something bad. We'll ask you to leave first. Look, you know what? You know what? You know what? You know what? You know what?

Yeah. Yeah. What exactly happened that sparked it? Just two guys were sitting in a Starbucks and they called the cops on them. They asked for no reason. So they totally fucked up, right? Yeah, totally fucked up. They were, yeah, totally fucked up.

They were waiting for their body. Okay. And they thought they were like, case in the joint or something, right? Who knows? Yeah. They just felt like they asked to use the restroom and they were like, no, you have to buy something to use the restroom and they were like, I don't want to. And then I don't know if they warned them or not if they were going to call the cops.

I mean, I don't know that either. And I did hear that they asked to use the restroom. Where was this? Philly. Philly. Oh, was it? So they asked to use the restroom and they said, no, and then do you want to order something? And they said, no, we're waiting for a friend. We're waiting for a realtor. And they're like, yeah, right. Yeah. And they call the call. Yeah. Oh, all right. Anyway, what makes you rage, Ben? Oh, all right. Anyway, what makes you a rage, Ben?

Right now, YouTube, more than anything. Oh, yeah. One of the worst mistakes ever was using YouTube as a distribution platform. It's terrible. Why specifically? Well, recently YouTube put out or Google actually put out an article that was really hard to find. Someone had to send it to me and bring it to my attention.

But at the end of January, YouTube really changed the way they count views. And they changed the way they count views for specific channels too. And the way channels are featured. So now YouTube's really big on all the mainstream news channels. So anything that tries to be independent news or anything like that gets kind of tossed aside.

If you go and look at the historical numbers for like CNN's YouTube channel, it's unbelievable how much it's grown in the last year. Like CNN's channel? All of the main ones, but CNN more specifically. Even Fox has seen a big bump. So I don't know if it's specific to the types of politics, but it's just all the actual TV news channels

that have a YouTube channel are getting a bigger push than anything that's independent or anything YouTube deems naughty. They kind of push under the rug and let other channels that they like get better exposure. You know, with YouTube, we need to have like a blood sport slash hunger games for YouTube, like all of us deplorables and degenerates and people that like are always getting banned. Like are always under threat of getting banned off of YouTube.

They ought to have a tournament once every year where all of us who've got strikes or bands can show up and fight to the death and The winner gets like CNN style treatment on YouTube. Hmm. Where they roll your channel out. Yeah, right? That's how that's a good idea for VidCon this year. Why don't we just make that VidCon have an actual blood sport? It does suck. It is like even when I was looking for the Starbucks video, it was impossible to find the actual video. I just found like 20 different listings for some bad things. Some bad things.

I'm like, I don't even want to watch this because I know you guys chop up every video to look more upsetting to people. I don't want anything to do with this. That is bad thing. You know, another thing that they do is, let's say I wanna make a video joking about something that happened in the news,

maybe it's even something bad, like when shooting or something. I'll get demonetized, because I'm joking about a tragedy, but if Jimmy Kimmel does it in his monologue, his YouTube video stays monetized. God, it's weird. It's really weird to try to color within the lines

nowadays. The lines keep moving. They don't exist. It's like, you know, cops have to deal with this. Like part of the reason I feel bad for how much shit cops get is that everything's illegal. Like we just take shit. We don't like and say, well, it's illegal. You guys go deal with it.

Yeah. Well, then everybody's breaking the fuck. And so same thing with, seems like it's the same thing with YouTube and Twitch and all those platforms, like no matter what they can bust you on something. Yeah, Twitch has tightened their guidelines as well too. I mean there was there was a whole group of of Twitch streamers That basically got by because they had boobs and they would you know have like low-cut shirts on and now they've kind of banned that so You know everyone who's made a channel based on that kind of gotten trouble. I would prefer that like I want the Idiocracy version of everything.

I hope the pendulum swings back together way where I can just like get a start. You know, in idiocracy, it was gentlemen's latte. You get a hand job with your coffee, but we're going with the, you get the most not racist coffee. Like I don't want, I don't want that. I want the hand job coffee.

What the hell happened to the Patriarchy? Isn't that hand job in a coffee? Something that I would find in a Patriarchy? I thought we were running the show here. I guess not. No. Yeah, that's a good one. Soymilk in the coffee.

Let's see what else I had here. The future of activism. Experience creep. I read an article this week that says 61% of all full-time entry-level jobs require three years of experience, plus. So entry-level jobs, the majority of entry-level jobs require a minimum of three years experience. Yeah, and then it's going up. This sounds tricky to me.

Well, like, remember the first time you were, did you have a moment when you're the first time applying for a job and like every, you get out of college and you go look at everything and it's all like three years experience, four years experience, five years experience. It's climbing up every year. Wow.

Every year, some jackass, it makes the decision to just bump up the, no, no, no, we need more experience. We need more experience for a position of just like manning a computer, right? Yeah, it's gotta be frustrating for a phone. No shit. 8% your higher, so there's like a sweet spot

of higher ability that drops 8% every year after 35. Oh, I don't know if that's interesting. I thought that was interesting. I've seen that myself when I've been job hunting, and you'll notice that you need experience for jobs that shouldn't really need experience, even like regular manual labor sometimes. Yeah, you need three years experience

carrying center blocks. Yeah, before we want to hire you for this position. All right, man. What was one of your favorite moments from trunk and peasants, I guess, back in the day? I know you guys used to tour a lot. Yeah, I mean, there's so many. We did a lot of live shows pretty similar to what Road Rage was. Yeah. There's all kinds of crazy memories. There was one where I crowd served on the crowd. That was pretty cool.

I've always wanted to do that, but never really had a crowd big enough to do that one before. We used to do, we actually covered election night from the very moment the polls opened until they announced Trump as the winner. And we had probably around like 14,000,

15,000 live viewers when we were doing it. And we had probably around like 14, 15,000 live viewers when we were doing it. And that was awesome. What was it? What was the atmosphere in the room when you guys were doing that? Kind of open-minded. Like honestly, at first I thought Hilary was gonna win.

I honestly thought she was gonna win. I didn't have a dog in the fight really. Yeah. Smart. And also to add to it, and we were very open about this, we all ate psychedelic mushrooms before we did this.

Perfect. But yeah, it was like an eight hour stream and we were all flabbergasted at the results at the end. But we didn't pull a young Turks and try to like cry about it or anything. So. That was so great. Oh man.

Yeah. Like you can, there's a super cut. Oh no, there's some people who are even on like the major news networks and stuff where yeah, basically in tears. It looks like somebody just pissed in their Cheerios. Yeah. Like, that was funny. That was the rarely do you get, like rarely do you get to see so many people you hate,

have a bad day on television. Yeah, you know? It's true. They're so cloistered and protected. Like you can't see them when they're favorite sports team wins, you can't see them when one of their kids gets arrested for like drugs or something like that, but oh God, on that day, they were all on TV,

they were all live on the end of that. It's like their worst day. They had to sit there and cover it. And then they had to write thought feces the day after. I'm still happy about it. Yeah. So what are your thoughts on Alex Jones crying recently? I'm just talking about that.

No, what is he crying about now? He probably didn't take enough of his, his super male vitality pills, I guess. Is that what he's just, he's mad at Trump about the Syria bombings? Yeah. And he's crying about it. And cried. Yeah. I love that guy. I've never watched him. I can't tell if he's completely full of shit or a little bit full of shit and crazy. Like he's, he seems like a kind of guy who's been staring into the abyss so long. Like I don't know who is the real him and he, like he probably doesn't know who the real him is anymore. Oh, very well could be versus the character.

Well, you know, it's interesting about that. Now his ex wife is doing the rounds, doing interviews right now, and she's kind of opening some insight on that. Actually, a friend of mine just did an interview with her on YouTube recently. What's she saying? What's she saying? What's she saying? Oh, who did the interview?

No, what is his ex-wife saying? Oh, oh, she's saying that basically, she believes Alex Jones believes most of the stuff that he says, but in their divorce trial, he said that he was just an actor to try and not seem crazy. So, I don't know which one I hope for. Like I like, I want to live in a world where all newscasters just throw their own bias in as an aside. Like they're covering Sandy Hooker.

They're probably crisis actors though. Yeah. Okay. Good. I'm glad I can get an accurate representation of how many people actually think this, right? It goes to what we, what we talked about the other week about you want all this stuff out there so you can make decisions. You want to know the percentage of the public that actually believes this or thinks this way so I can make an informed decision. Yeah. Just on any

of the daily choices. Put it all out on the table. Yeah. You don't need to retract it later. The station doesn't need to apologize to sell more pureena dog treats, you know, just say it. There's, it's Sandy Hooks of Conspiracy, get it out there. Maybe you don't even mean it. Like, doesn't everybody just say a shit that they don't mean sometimes just to say it? Yeah.

Yeah. Like, oh, fuck, I really fucking hate these guys. Like, whoa, you hate them? And I really, yeah, yeah, I stop right here. Right. Like, you know, oh, it's a big conspiracy. I can't, I, fuck, I really fucking hate this guy. He's like, whoa, you hate them? And I really, yeah, yeah, stuff. Right here. Right. Like, you know, oh, it's a big conspiracy. Like, I don't, I don't think so. I was probably not.

Alex Jones is basically an infomercial now with kind of conspiracy stuff, padding each, you know, infomercial for male vitamins. So. Yeah, are you into Alex Jones? Do you watch a lot of? I enjoy him for entertainment. I don't I'm not a big conspiracy heavy Person I normally don't believe them

But for entertainment. He's great. He's got great energy. He has a good voice too for radio Like that about him too, but yeah, I mean like he'll say something I kind of agree with and then he throws reptilians into it And then he walks. Yeah, right, right. And it's gone. Yeah. Out of him. Yeah.

He's getting people from both, like he's getting as a conspiracy people to believe normal shit and the normal people to believe. He's just a, this puppet master. Yeah. Oh, is he making a lot of, oh, he's fucking insane. Have you ever seen how attractive he was when he was younger? No. Yeah, he's like a, like a bodybuilder. Dude. He can amateur bodybuilder. fucking insane. Have you ever seen how attractive he was when he was younger? No. Yeah, he's like a bodybuilder.

Dude. He can amateur bodybuilder. Bodybuilder, chiseled features, like full head of hair. What do you look like now? He looks like Rush Limbaugh's cousin now. He looks like Rush Limbaugh's redneck cousin now. You know? Great.

Looks like what a man should be. He's fat as a planet. He could barely fit behind his desk. That's what he looks like right now. So what do you guys do now in the drunken peasant spend? Who's on it? It's me and Billy the fridge. We're the two main hosts. Billy the fridge is a is a local guy here in Seattle. That's pretty popular. And he used to he did the opener for some of our live shows and we started having them on. And then we just have a rotating lineup of guests, some guests come on multiple times a month,

and then we have some that just come on every once in a while. And it's the same, you know, watching the news of the day, watching whatever weird videos our listener base sends us. And that's mainly what it is. It's mainly listener interest that drives what we talk about because we take mostly their suggestions on what they want to see. Yeah, that's a good way to do it. Any weird stuff. Is there any weird stuff you're allowed to talk about

with your former co-host, Nality's gone? No, no, I'd rather not even go there. Okay, all right, that's all we even go there. Okay, because that's fine. Yeah, we can do that. A dust is settled and dick comes riding a horse, right? Through that. Just want to, like people are so fucked, you know? I know, you get in these, like, you love this stuff.

I love it, I love it. With the internet, it brings people together, like in your normal life, you can't meet somebody who's that much more fucked than you, right? Like, they're friends of a friend, so they're not that far off the cliff, but on the internet, two people get together and you could be, this is like,

you could be on different planets. Totally. You're here thinking normally and you look at this guy, like, this guy's way fucking out of left field. Yeah, yeah, that's what look at this guy, like, this guy's way fucking out of left field. Yep, yeah. That's what I love about it, I guess. All right, man, you wanna stick around? I'm gonna play a song for a second.

Yeah, sure. You'll find it. Oh, this one is by Save State Corrupted. It's called The Hero, Birch. About trademark attorney, Steven Birch. Here you go. I gotta write this time. Safe State corrupted. Not my room records.

With the hero. Right. Birch. Long intro could have been talking this whole fucking time. Start now. What do you think about these strings? Steven Burge You are a rage Steven Burge We were afraid that things would suck

We worried that the show would be stolen by a cock, cock Then the cloudy sky stops spilling rain I hear a voice down the floor And light the caulk's efforts to raise You said the day, Stephen first, you won the case, Stephen first, our balls, balls, just as I've been served, oh how he falls. The hero game and slain the apostrophe regain non-whorse The apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apostrophe regain the apost You say the day is deep in my heart. No more just lie, deep in my heart Don't stay away, deep in my heart There you go, off the hero, Burj

The hero,, Burj. The hero, Steven Burj, trademark attorney, slash hero. That's a fade out, man. I've ever heard of. I love the vocal harmony when they use the word cuck. Or balls. Yeah, balls. There's been a lot of artistry around cuck on this show. Maybe more than any other.

It's a cuck driven show. It's a cuck driven. We invented cuck core, a new genre of music. Yeah. Billboard wouldn't, billboard stuck us in comedy, even though I told them several times that this is a cuck core album. Yeah.

Get it right, you motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. They didn't answer my email. I'm not going to be a singer, but I'm not going to be a singer. I'm not going to be a singer, but I'm not going to be a singer. I'm not going to be a singer, but I'm not going to be a singer. I'm not going to be a singer, but I'm not going to be a singer. I'm not going to be a singer, but I'm not going to be a singer. I'm not going to be a singer, but I'm not going to be a singer. I'm not going to be a singer, but it feels like it. Here we go. Also safe to say corrupted. Presenting.

Yeah, there we go. Oh, God, it's so extreme. Oh. It's supposed to go on that line. Because I talk about the science should over the theme song. Is that why? Yeah, so it's an easy transition from the excitement

of the theme song into the stuff we're talking about. Okay. It's by we're talking about. OK. It's by design. All right. This question is from Ben. This is a segment where I answer questions. It's Bill Guy, the science dude. Not necessarily a science guy, but a science dude.

We might not always know the right answer, but it's a better answer than when you get than the one you're going to get from a science guy. Let's see, this one is from Darth Red X. As I get older, why does everything hurt all the fucking time? I got to be honest, if there was a podcast that was just had 40-year-old guys talking about what hurt that week, I would listen to every minute of that show. Like a guy talking, like I, doing long drives now, my, my big toe, the joint of my big toe gets so sore

that I have to drive with the other foot. Because the tip of my toe gets worn down. Wow. As I'm dry, like I could listen to this all day, I could sit in my car and listen to the ailments of middle-aged men. Just the day to day, I could sit in my car and listen to the ailments of middle age men. Just the day to day, things that you never thought would hurt.

Like the tip of my, the bridge of my nose is still hurting from when 80's girl gave me a reverse headbutt in bad one night. Oh geez. I was leaning over to, you know, give her a smooch, give her a hug at night and she jerked out of a sleep, cracked me in the back of the head, no, still fucking hurts. It's red actually. It's red. Yeah, it's actually red, like right from the lick on the bridge.

This happened weeks ago. Is it really red on the bridge? Yeah. The nose. Kind of is, yeah. It's and I'll tell you why I tell you why your body hurts more as you get older. It's because it hates you. Your body hates you.

It's very disappointed in you. Everything that you've done and it's rejecting you. It's punishing you for it hates you. Your body hates you. It's very disappointed in you. Everything that you've done and it's rejecting you. It's punishing you for it. Oh. That's my. Yeah, I'm noticing my hangovers last a lot longer, too. Oh, bud. As I get older.

You know what? I'm gonna give you the secret to that. You just gotta make them last forever. You gotta learn. And a lot of jacking off, too, apparently. Oh, that's another question. Cool sex man says, what's the load to hangover ratio for jacking off to not feel like dying?

Well, it's not a ratio. It's like a reset. Like your body with a hangover is like a Windows 98 computer. And you got to reset it with a, you got a nut to reset it. You know, you got to jerk off to reset it when the system starts getting unstable. It's just that when you're hung over, you just got to reset it a lot. It's like you installed a bad driver, like you installed a alpha build in video G4 strivers a day before and it's really causing some problems. You got to reset all day long to get through it.

You can't even install IRC without pumping out a load, without dropping off the load, right? That's why it's not specifically, it's not a count. You just do it whenever you need to, okay? That's Bill Gye. Here's another one. In that moment, I realized that it's not just me. So there we go.

You do that too? Oh yeah. Knock out a load when you're hung over and it clears your brand. And you got like a limited amount of time to do smarts, to do shit that requires thinking before the hangover sets back in and you got to beat one out of, because it releases a bunch of endorphins and things.

No, it's because you're coming out all the alcohol. Oh, that's my science dude. Yeah, science guy. Sorry, endorphins. What the fuck is that? Like Ewoks and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

Echo the endorphin like that. Yeah, it's one of those things I don't normally discuss with other people. So when I find out it's totally normal, I'm like, wow, I don't need to be embarrassed that I jerk off 30 times when I have a hangover. No, I'm gonna bring this up with the next family gathering. Oh yeah.

We talk about that all the time. I even, I got a button that I press when I do it too. Do you know where that button is? Can you get it? Thank you. Why did it leave the studio? Because it was in the bedroom. This is what I do when I drink.

And the next day I hangover, and every time I rope one out, I hit this button that goes nut. Does it allow everyone in the house. Is this what I do when I drink? And the next day I hang over, and every time I rope one out, I hit this button that goes nut. Does it allow everyone in the house to know what's going on? No, I'm training myself like, I have a lot of stuff. Oh, you have a clicker training or something. Yeah. So that I'll get the feeling of an orgasm

when I hear this button. So that in the future, I won't have to jerk off. I'll just walk around hitting this button, and my brain will think, oh, he's just pumped out a load. I mean, give him some chemicals. Right. Whatever, you know, whatever. Highest chemicals.

Here it is, right here, 80s girls just brought it in. So this is me in the morning, on Saturday morning, I'm laying in bed, and then you just, you might hear some squeaking going on, and then you'll hear this. That means I'm probably gonna come out pretending, like I just woke up, everything's okay. Because I don't want anyone, even though my eyes are all glassy, and I'm kind of moving all wiggly, you know.

This is real science here. Thank you. Here's another one. Mighty versus world says, I'd love to hear Bill Guy's opinion on populating the atmosphere of Venus, populating Venus, I guess populating any, you know what, populating the atmosphere of Venus. I think he's just talking about going to Venus.

Okay. You want to, if you want to go colonize another planet, just go get a garbage can, go to Home Depot, go get a wood shed, what are they? 500 bucks, 300 bucks, you probably pick up an old wood shed. What are they? 500 bucks? 300 bucks. You probably pick up an old wood shed off Craigslist. This is what you do. Everybody that wants to go to Mars, you want to go to space so bad, go to Home Depot, get a wood shed,

then go out to a dump or a landfill or something, set up the wood shed and then just go in it and lock the door behind you. Because that's what colonizing another plant. It's like sitting in prison. and then just go in it and lock the door behind you. Because that's what colonizing another plan. It's like sitting in prison. I don't know why everybody's so in love with the idea of going to space or going to another planet,

but what you're going to get there in is going to be like a Dihatsu golf cart. You're gonna be stuck in this thing for the rest of your life and you're not coming back. Like it's not even gonna be an air stream trailer that they send you up there with. It's going to be a little, it's going to be a fucking cubicle. So if you want to go to Mars, next time you're at the office, just border up everything you got and whammo. You're on Mars. People are getting their fucking lations. People are getting their idea of going to another planet or living in outer space from fucking Wally.

Yeah, you know, it's not or a star trek. It's a bunch of rocks and chemicals and hydrogen in space. That's it. You want to go to Mars, get on a boat, get on a fishing boat, go down to Antarctica, and then just try to make it down there because because it's exactly the same. Freezing cold temperatures, nobody, no internet, no, nothing to jerk off through for thousands of fucking miles.

Good, have fun. Keep a journal and tell us how it went. Tell us how exploring the solar system the galaxy went when you're sitting in a trash can down an eighth-art to cup. Every fucking- This question had Venus in it too. That's closer to the Sun. You burn alive there

Okay, so go to the desert like go to pack up go to the Sahara Desert and then just go sit in a dune buggy for eight months And tell us and then right back and tell us how it went every fucking time I see well We got to go to Mars like what do you just go to prison then go hold up a liquor store and get sent to fucking full some prison a six by nine cell that has been designed for maximum efficiency of holding people you know you can eat better fucking food in prison that you can on Mars sure I don't get it no I don't get it at all we're not getting off this planet people you want it so bad go to and go to Antarctica it's go to the Sahara Desert just go camp go and go out to go out to the We're not getting off this planet, people. You want it so bad? Go to Antarctica. Go to Antarctica. We're gonna do this.

Go to the Sahara Desert. Just go camp, go out to the Alkalized Salt flats and just set up camp there forever. That's your new life in space. Bring a trampoline so you can feel weightless as you're doing it. That's Bill Guy. That's Bill Guy the science dude.

Let me play it on. Presenting dick. Yeah. Bill Guy the science dude. I also had what happens when a post-op training takes my egg. That was another question. That's a good question.

Kind of is, isn't it? Like is there penis bits? I don't know. Around? Or is that a joke? What happens when you cross a post-op, transactual, and biagra? I don't know, but I don't want to meet it.

It's all you see. All right? What do you call, all right? Whatever it wants. Right? Yeah, right. That's the joke. All right, all right, all right.

You know, there you go. Why do we have time zones? Eric Harmon says, do we still need him? Time zones are a scam by a big breakfast. Oh, yes, to sell breakfast is so great all over the world. Otherwise, there otherwise, everyone would just wake up and start eating lunch. There'd be no, you know, you know, you'd eat whatever meal you wanted. But they got to have a time zone. Says like, oh, that's breakfast. That's a good answer. Yeah Okay, let me see if I got anything else here I got some reddit comments

Dave Lowe pan. I'm listening to episode four now the uncooked episode I can't believe the show ran as long as it did Yeah, Max was being insanely petty about dickers and shitting on his dub ass dog and baby game. I thought it was brutally long. It wasn't kidding. There was insane petty bullshit from the get-go. Yeah.

Henry Gondorf says, I don't know about all this circle jerking about how these versions would have made fans like you more and quicker, but I'm loving these Sean cuts because he's a professional audio engineer and there's no longer that awful, clicking static noise from Maddox's garbage edits. Oh, but yeah, just a little bad. That was a big point of contention.

Well, again, I never, I wasn't aware of them. Yeah, because you did everything in your power to make it great. And then it was subsequently lessened. Yeah, I, you know, however he did it. But, um, yeah, one thing I forgot to say when we were talking about the, the Sean cuts, there were some things where when, if we were leaving, and he would say, definitely take that out. Oh, really? Well, I mean, yeah, I think you're probably there for that. Like, we got to lose that part or something. I don't remember, I don't know that he ever called me or sent me an email saying, hey, that part, take out.

Okay. I don't think that, I don't recall that ever happening, but just for full disclosure, a couple episodes we might need a whole raw one then. Like the one where I get accused of being a rape apologist. That one I turned in with the whole conversation. Oh great. Yeah.

Well, and that's your edit. Anyway, so yeah. Yeah. Let's see, shit talker would be a better name. You remember the toilet app that I brought into the bonus episode where I got shit talker. It connects you with a great name. I invented this trillion dollar app, it's killer app where when you take talker. It connects you with a great name. I invented this trillion dollar app is killer app where when you take a shit, it connects you with other men who are

or other people who are also shitting at the same time and you could talk to them while you're taking a shit. And it like digitizes your voice to make you anonymous. But so you have like a buddy that you could talk about taking a shit with while you're taking a shit. Yeah, you're all on the same page at that point. Does it also digitize your your plop and your tinkle? Yeah, you could there's a setting for that. If you want to filter out other people's, it changes it into like a, a dinging sound, like you're at a casino.

I want someone to recognize my, my plop and be like, Hey, that's Ben for the drunken. And then it's your roommate. Like you'll like plop anywhere next like, hey, that's Ben for the drunk. And then it's your roommate. I know that. He's like plop anywhere next door talking to you at the same time. And he hears a plop through the wall. And he's like, what the fuck? This guy just told me about a bunch of weird.

This guy just told me that he likes to stick his dick in his roommates mouth when he's sleeping. Like, what the hell, right? That's probably what I know the sound of too many parogies. Is this Ben? Ha, ha, ha. Hey, how'd you know I was Polish, man? We talked about it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Oh, yeah, somebody else said it's got to have the feature where you take a picture of the shit afterwards and it exchanges so you could see. Well, yeah. Look, so you can, Sean, you don't have to look at it.

If you don't want to, you could just say no. I don't wanna look at it. It's not gonna notify them either way that you looked at or not. You say it's just incoming, incoming shot, incoming shit shot. You say no, no, thank you. Or are you taking, but you've almost sold me on this.

You've almost sold me on this, but I need to be able to put like filters over it too, so like a puppy dog face on my shit. Okay, you know what it does actually? It just, it gives a, it looks at it, and the computer analyzes the shit, and then it rebuilds a virtual shit, like in, like so you could turn it and rotate it and stuff,

and it gives like a length and a weight approximation. The computer does it, so you're turn it and rotate it in stuff, and it gives a length and a weight approximation. The computer does it, so you're just looking at like a visual polygon representation of the other person. Bigger or less big than Bono. Yeah, and then it has a scale when you're done with your shitmate on shit talk, and it weighs them out. See, this is why you want to do it. This is Sean, this is why you want to take a picture of it.

I'm going back to like the puppy dog. This would get girls involved because they could make like a really huge turd, look like a docks end. Right. So it was like the girls, you could set if you're a man or woman and it won't tell, Ben,

it won't tell anybody else because I don't want a bunch of like sexism happening on my platform. Okay. I don't want women being hit on or disrespected or called, you know, fat, like, called squirrel arms, you know? And what the hell is that sound?

Who's fucking up? I don't want any of that to happen on my platform. So, but if you put that you're a woman and you take a picture of the shit, it will turn it into a dog, the same size of the poop. Like if it was small, it would be like a chihuahua. And if it was big, it would be like a mastiff, right? Yeah. And then on her screen, when the other person takes a picture of their

shit, it would like, then their dog would pop up and you'd be like, ah, fucking cock or spaniel. That's way better than my, that's way better than my chihuahua. Right? But guys, you just get, you get a virtual, you could spin it around, put outfits on it and stuff. You could like buy, there's in-game purchases, you could buy a little clown outfit and put it on the poop. Oh. Telling you, shit talker or shit talk, it's a great app.

Let's see what else I got here. I got Reddit Rages. Tumiki4U says, guys on Snapchat, I don't want to be involved in this weird society of men sending each other pictures of shit. He does not mean literally. Yeah, yeah. I don't wanna see that.

Snapchat is exclusively for talking to chicks. Any other interaction makes me wanna jump off of a cliff. That is true. That is crazy. That they got their entire own app, Women Do. Snapchat. Snapchat. Snapchat. Snapchat. Snapchat. Do. Snapchat. It's all I use to talk to them. It's like their own private

wonderland. You know? Ben, have you ever used Snapchat to talk to another guy? No, almost never. I would say, I can't say never, but almost never. So it's just not going to change. It's just not going to change. It's just not going to change. Snapchat is just unbelievable. An unbelievable waste of time in general. Yeah, it's just about sending pictures of your dick

and getting back pictures of not enough skin. That's what Snapchat is. That should be their slogan. Hey, send pictures of your dick to chicks and also get pictures back that always you wish were a little bit sexier, right? Make your girlfriend look like a dog with Snapchat. Hey, your girlfriend will look like an elf or some shit or a koala bear Snapchat.

14F Cali picks says, job searches make me rage. I swear the interviews and recruiters just want to fuck with me and waste my time. Callie Picks says, job searches make me rage. Yeah. I swear the interviews and recruiters just want to fuck with me and waste my time. It should be as easy as laying out my skills and accomplishments on my resume, show I'm competent and not some asshole or sexual harasser in the interview. Tell them my compensation and done,

but no, they think they have some magic touch to find their job Messiah. It's shit like this in my last two or three past interviews, like the interviewer looking, interviewer looking past all of my posts, collegiate work experience and internships and focused on my college career. I fucked the products I got, and he goes on.

I got hundreds or the hundreds of thousands of dollars I saved my company. The college project I worked on five years ago is a game changer, or the interview is a game changer or the interviewer who asked or the interviewer who asked me to describe myself in three words because apparently there's there's a way for me to stand out at the dozens of other honest hardworking and ethical people who also interviewed. What a stupid farce. That's such a stupid tactic. Yeah. What would you say is your biggest weakness, you know, I have too many weaknesses. I would mix it up on them. Yeah.

What would you say is your bigness weakness? Well, I just, I have a tremendous amount of weaknesses. That's what's wrong. I want to drink all day. Let's start, let's start there. Even even now, especially me telling you that I want that has lessened the desire a little bit because I'm talking about liquor, and that makes me think I'm about to get it, but as that fades, I'm going to enter a spiraling depression of non-productivity. That's one of my, for which the only cure is jerking off immediately. Which I do probably five times a day, maybe five or six,

depending on how hungover I am. The good news is I don't jerk off when I'm drunk. I don't know if that's the thing that people do, but that's not something I like to do. So you might want to pick your shots. What I like to do when I'm drunk, however, is post offensive things on Twitter. Yeah.

That's number three of the weakness list. That's number number three of the weakness list That is a stupid process interviewing Just the way that they do it like I mean a little little stunts like that like I want to go into an interview I myself in three words like what stupid ass book did you read that in? Is you going to the interview and say all right? What's your track record on hires? I don't mean people have you hired that are great? You tell me, because if it's less than 50%, I don't understand what this is.

Right. If it's less than 50%, you're the one who's got to justify yourself. You're job. Yeah, you're job. Where's your boss? Let's give them your higher ratio and talk about your fucked. Yep. That's what I'm saying Alex Wyvern says people who don't shut the fuck up about how much traveling they've done

As if it correlates to real life actual life experience look mother fucker You stayed in a sweaty hostel full of drunk 20-year-old Aussies hoping that the liberal chick with the dreadlocks would get drunk enough For you to pause her tit without her noticing and look at some mountains. What? Has this guy been spying on me? Jesus. Stop acting like you had some profound eye opening experience that puts you on a higher plane of existence.

Yeah, yeah. You went out and got shit faced with slightly different wallpaper. That's true. Yeah, no, absolutely, absolutely. You know, you really get a sense of what poverty really is. And you didn't live there. Shut up, you dreadlocked.

Seeing poor people in a poor country, a poor country, and then going home to mommy and daddy's detached and Berkshire to bore all your friends about it in the pub hasn't made you Jesus, hashtag, WonderLust. Yeah. I guess that's like a, I don't hear much of that anymore. That may be like a 20s thing.

Yeah, people obsessed with traveling and talking about how much of a better person they are because of it. I don't think either one of us thought we were a better person for having traveled. No, you know. You don't think anywhere, any people of the places that we went to

thought we were better people, either. Yeah. Probably true. Oh, these guys are worse. Have we ever told those stories? Like when we went to, yeah. Hofbrow House and met some Germans in the,

yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the last thing, the last, the next day, the next day, we have you in the journals and you talk to the guys wife in Texas. But have we ever told that story on the show? Oh, yeah, the next day Sean wakes up and he's like, oh man, I puked in their urinal, those locals that hooked us up and brought us out

to their private farm. They looked like sinks or toilets or something. They looked weird. I mean, we were drunker than hell. You know, Sean goes, we woke up in the hospital. He's like, oh man, it sucks. I puked in their toilet in their urinal last night. I said, oh fuck, man.

It's a lot of food. Me too. I've puke in the other one, because I remember going in there and saying, well, that urinal has puke calling it. I'm gonna go get this other one, but thank God everyone's doing it. So I don't feel like a jerk. I turned out it was just us.

Turned out it was just us. And you know, that's what it really gives you a sense of how poor people have it when you go to other countries and puking their urinals. Yeah. It really gives you a sense of their urinals don't even look like urinals. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Race and the women. I puked in the street in Amsterdam just outside and everyone just kind of walked by me like, oh, whatever. It's another American trash. Oh, it's a damn. Chad, if there's a, there's a city I haven't thrown up on their streets,

I can't think of what it is. How'd you like hamster, Dan? It's pretty great up in there twice. I mean, at first, it's almost like another planet. You know, the things that are acceptable there. And, you know, at the time, the first time I went, weed wasn't legal anywhere in the US. Yeah, me saying here, it was really weird to go to a store and just buy it.

But then, you know, the hookers in the, in the windows everywhere. Wow. Did you go to any? Did I go to any hookers? Yeah, did you, did you use any of their services while you were there? No, no, no. But I mean, they try to get your attention. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, go ahead. They'll like click their nails on the glass to try to get you to look at them. It's the strangest thing. It's like going to a shelter, like an animal shelter. Yeah, they're exactly. I'm getting put down tonight. They've let me down. My rate of hire is not very good. Yeah, that was a weird experience.

The like five block stretch of the red like district. Yeah, that's what it was. We were there. We weren't, we were only went there one night, didn't we? Yeah, we only went there one time. It was kind of, it was like kind of, it was smaller than I guess I thought. I, I don't know what I had the, you know,

the, what picture I had in my mind of how Amsterdam was and that it was, it was a lot less CD than I thought it was. And I wanted it to be CD. Like I wanted it to be like a guy in a trench coat who's walking over like, okay, you like any of these hookers right here? But it was hookers on the glass, like a blade runner dystopia, giant, like cinema,

plexus showing, like advertising, the porno that they were showing, and fucking Heineken and every, and you know what, I'm going on record. Heineken's fucking sucks. Yeah. Heineken or Amstel, and that's mainly what they had in the world. I don't know why people in the US have a boner for Heineken,

but Heineken sucks. They can always sucked. Yeah. They're fucking ad campaigns. It tastes like a skunk. It does. Did you guys see, did you see the banana bar while you were in Amsterdam? Why didn't you? The banana bar? you were in Amsterdam? Oh, what?

The banana bar? Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of that. Not that I were there. No. It's called the banana bar and it's kind of a, you pay by the hour thing. So you pay to go in and they, they see you at a table and they serve you all the drinks you can drink for that time.

And then when you're about to leave your waitress who's also probably a hooker, lets you eat a banana out of her vagina. Oh. What? Uh, did you do that? We would want to fucking do. We want to eat a banana out of a woman's vagina. I don't want to eat a banana out of a vagina, I know.

Let alone a wild street vagina. Yeah, yeah, but you do it. It's a really common thing in Amsterdam. Really common like a, okay. Did you do it, Ben? Did you go? No, I did not do it. I did go to the banana bar though. Oh man.

I remember. And they have like live sex shows too there. It's, I don't know if you guys, you guys said you didn't see the really CD area. I wonder if you just didn't go to the same place I was in. We went to the red light district. Yeah. I know that. There was hookers all up. Oh, yeah. It's just like, I think when I say CD, I mean, like kind of the feeling that I might get murdered if I fuck up here. I know. That's what I mean. Yeah. Like a lot of tough looking dudes and like pimps out in the street and like cool hats.

Yeah. But it was like, it felt like a mall. Like it felt like they had Japanese prostitution. So like, Japanified it. Yeah. Okay. I do regret not utilizing any, I do regret not seeing a hooker,

at least to get a dance or something. So you could say, say you got a dance in the red light district or something like that. I guess. I guess. I have something like that. I regret that. And I remember right when we got there,

we were, what were we like, 22? I think I was 22 when we went. Okay, because I remember I had the great idea that we should go on the one year anniversary of 9-11 because tickets would be cheaper. That was my thinking when we did that trip. We got there and we were all amped up. That was another thing that made me rage this week is being so amped up to drink and

do drugs when you got to wait for everybody else to like get out of work or meet you at a place and you know you wake up and you get that fire in your brain like, ah, it's 420 or it's opening day or it's St. Patrick's Day. It's 730, let's go, let's start partying, right? Like getting that feeling and you're like, hey, maybe when are you coming home so we can get into this, we can get into this stuff.

I gotta start going like, when are you gonna be here? Cause I'm not starting without you. And like, oh, you know, like five. Like five. Come on. I'm gonna day of partying to get to. What is this delay? That's what I felt like when we got to Amsterdam.

I immediately got a way too big of a joint and laid into it in this in this police station that they had turned into a disco and I think I was propositioned by a guy and his sister in That disco, okay, is I remember them like I Think they were I think they wanted some kind of a weird threesome to happen because the girl came over and the guy came over and he's like, oh, my sister thinks you're my sister thinks you're really cute. You want to come over and hang out with us. And I was like, I'm kind of really high. I just got here and I was date.

I had a girlfriend at the time. Yeah, I remember. No, no, no, no, no, I remember. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm kind of sitting here. And then I was watching them, because it was a relatively empty club, but they were like, no, no, no, I'm kind of sitting here. Uh, and then I was watching them, who's, who's a relatively empty club, but they were like, they felt like they were way too close for brother and sister. Well, it might have been, yeah, sister in quotes. Yeah.

That was weird. I don't, I, that's always bugged me for years. Like I wish I'd got to the bottom of that. I wish I had gotten really, I wish I had done a lot of deeper investigation of the that particular mystery. Okay. If you know what I'm saying, I see. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Um, all right, Ben. Um, yes. You got, you got, you got, you got anything else that makes you a rage? You know, at this moment, it's mainly only YouTube. It's so raging. I'm like, it takes a lot to make me rage.

But YouTube is definitely the source of it at this point. No, they are, they are really frustrating. It's hard to think about anything else when they're fucking with you too. Mm. And they're fucking with your channel because they're still a huge game. Yeah. Thanks a lot for coming on. Thank you so much for doing the show in Portland. That list is hilarious. Thank you for having me there. That was pretty

awesome. Like I've gone back and watched it multiple times and it's pretty amazing. Oh, it's like you're great. Your fans are a very, the group, it was, it was almost a loving group. It was, it was kind of amazing. I didn't expect that, but there was there was so much love in the in the room. Yeah, there's a lot a lot of humping. Yeah, that's absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, that's why we can't get any more venues.

I know, I think so. People in Austin like we see you with a circle, your comp fest that you guys, yeah, we've watched the road rage videos. I feel like you got to bring like that apple spray. If you're coming to a road rage, you got to bring Apple spray. So a guy starts coming up to you, dry-humping your leg. You're like, get out of here.

Yeah, I had a giant inflatable dick rubbing its balls up against me all night. Yeah, yeah. Look at those were great. Yeah. All right, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm doing you show, right Monday. I'll see you then.

Thanks for having me. Sorry for canceling on you so many times It's a big fuck up. Yeah. All right. I'll see you tomorrow. All right. See you. Thank you All right everybody even listening to the Dixiel the Dixiel dot com Dick dot show patreon dot com slash the Dixiel uncucked dot the dick show.com to get the old biggest problems episode, a biggest problem episodes without Maddox's edits. Very nostalgic. People are listening through and getting bummed out at the shows over because the first 10 episodes are so fun. Well, and it got better after that, I would think at least it hit its stride. So here's what I noticed, releasing the first 10 episodes.

Those that first 10 episodes is like a perfect explanation of what the show is. Gotcha. And then I think, and even the formula was great. Like Maddox gets to pretend to be smart and I'm acting like an asshole. Yeah.

I think the next 20, there will be a perceptible shift because that's when I started my like dick dynasty shit and that's when winning became like I think real life came into started having too big of an effect on the show. Okay. And making it fun. Yeah.

But the first 10 episodes, the first 10 episodes, I think Maddox was able to keep, keep his thumb on everything, keeping it from going crazy, keeping it from being great. From having too much fun. Right. You have a long history of too much fun. And the second, cause his problems.

Too much fun causes lots and lots of problems. I think 11 through 20 you're gonna show that. I think every 10 episodes are going to show a major Tonal shift in the way we talk to each other. Yeah, so it starts out very nostalgic because it's fun and Innocent, but I think as we listen to it, it's gonna get more ranker is with every release could be Which will be fun? Which will be fun. Uh, this is, oh God,

Grant Mooney sent in a Digi Bro song. Oh, I'm going to play that. I'm going to play that I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. Did you grow, did you know Brownie? Did you grow with a butterfly? Did you grow, did you know Brownie? Did you grow with a butterfly?

I'm not gonna lie. Did you grow, did you grow with a butterfly? Did you grow, did you grow with a butterfly? I'm not gonna lie. Did you grow, did you grow with a butterfly? Did you grow, did you grow with a butterfly? Did you know, Brown, did you know, Brown, did you know, Brown, did you know, Brown, did you know,

Brown, did you know, Brown, did you know, Brown, did you know, Brown, did you know, Brown, did you know, Brown, did you know, Brown. It's a good song.

It's a good theme song. It's a catchy. Now everybody's got that catchy song in their head all day because of Grant Mooney. Yeah. Okay, of the thought cops, at thought cops.net, you can see those guys. Okay, this song is crustace with a stoner theme cover,

theme song. Here you go. See you next Tuesday. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. It's a little dark to get stoned to. Maybe that's the point. Maybe you got it when you're stoned. We went to a pineapple express showing 80s girl and I thought that movie was stupid.

The first time I saw it, I you guys were standing at all. I got loaded. It was hysterical. All that, hysterical movie. Um. All right, all right, all right, all right. Let's do some Captain Jack ass news. Oh cool. Hello, Dick and hello, Dick Hats. This is the Facebook group news for the last couple days. David Diley, who's a Britain, visited a shooting range on Thursday. He posted his

results and said, although he's a Britain, his shooting skills are yank as fuck. The gun enthusiasts in the comments of the photo Tour of this poor man a new asshole by describing every aspect possible of the photo Joe said you're supposed to shoot more than two feet away to which David corrected him and said it was actually 50 feet Adrian then commented. Oh wow. You had a target at 50 feet. So awesome. Fuck off David accused Adrian and being a tough guy, and Adrian said that he is. Other comments include, 50 feet is for women and children.

My girlfriend could shoot that gun, and then someone actually showed results from their wife shooting at 50 meters away. David has a picture of himself underwater next to a shark and his cover photo, but it's now considered a woman-slash child after his gun post Fred Simon actually can't what's the dumbest thing they've ever gotten you can't win with gun guys Yeah, you really can't all you've got to be like apologizing in advance. I can't guys. I'm sorry to have enjoyed your hobby

Right, I am not from your country. I do not know your customs. Believe me, I know what a bitch I am. I'm only posting this photo of me at a gun range. That's an homage to you, of course. Your holiness. You gotta treat every guy who's into guns, you gotta treat like the pope. Your holiness, I am posting this target that I shot at in homage to my,

my own insignificance and demon, uh, as a, as a testament to how little of a man that I am, the, to show you that the shooting was terrible. And I was shooting with a gun that was suboptimal for home defense or in case of government in surrender in case of an insurrection against the government off obviously I have I've trained on a toy and I just want everyone to know that if it ever comes down to it if we ever need to overthrow the government to not rely on me as evidenced here by this stupid very stupid small-minded photo that I'm posting of me at a gun range. Where I quite honestly look, look like I've been drinking nothing but estrogen,

where I've live on a diet of soy and estrogen, and I have a vagina. I also, this is how you have to, like there's no, I love them. I love gun guys, but man, they're like sharks. We gotta, we gotta weaponize that somehow. I don't, we tell them that there's a, tell them there's a guy on Mars that's shooting like a,

that uses a sick shower or something, as home defense. I don't even fucking know, I'm just making it, I just know that's a gun name. Something else, I just don't have a problem with anything. There's a guy on, there's a guy on Mars. Who upsets somebody? Who says a Glock 10?

Is the optimal home defense pistol's a Glock 10 is the optimal home defense pistol, a Glock 10 millimeter. You guys think there's a guy, there's a kid in India who's walking around using clips and magazines interchangeably. Like, well, we gotta stop that. Then they're gonna go set up an entire school system in India to teach gun terminology.

And then maybe we'll teach some like math and stuff. You'll have a, you know. entire school system in India to teach gun terminology. And then maybe we'll teach some like math and stuff. You'll have a, you know, well, you learn the math with a different, with a different, you know, you need to know math, learn between, between caliber and, to understand, to understand, to understand,

to understand, to understand stopping power. So we're gonna tell them in Africa, there's this village that's telling everybody that assault rifle just means military looking, they're going to, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, they're going to mobilize, they're going to knock missionaries out of the way these muscle dummies, like who the fucking here thinks an assault rifle means a military looking gun. Yeah, yeah.

There's going to be one African kid in there going, well gun manufacturers used it in the 80s, shoot him to, yeah, exactly. To make their guns sound cool. So it's not everybody's fault that they've confused the terms when the manufacturers themselves used it interchangeably. We're gonna go, that's it. We're going home. We gotta go.

Oh, sorry. I got it off on too big of a tangent. Yeah. There you go, more Facebook news. Fred Simonastic heads, what's the dumbest thing they've ever gotten trouble with the law for? Dickhead said having sex in a car throwing a milkshake at a cop, trying to break into a care flight helicopter, coughing dust or in public, a part time porn director having to explain away a three foot long dildo and border patrol without a receipt and shitting in front of a police station.

Finally, we have Thomas McCoy, who released his parody video of Mad Cucks. Some are referring to this as Cuck Cucks. Here's a taste of what Thomas released of the group. Hi, I'm Mad Cucks, and this is still funny. I'm making this video as a warning to any dickheads looking to join the Dick Show Facebook group. It's full of really mean people that I blocked on Twitter. After all, I shouldn't have to live in fear of a 19 year old who was cowed by a woman with very low blood pressure And they've have entire subgroups about certain special topics like they are posting film posting

Bun posting and can posting the only cans I want to get a hold of Contain tasty candles to made a soup Is soup still funny? Remember soup? So instead of the Facebook, why not stick to the subreddit? A group of anonymous individuals who crucify each other for going off topic. Remember why I said I was writing a book? This has been Make sure Facebook is news for the last couple days. Oh, oh, oh, boy.

Captain Jackass. Yeah, how about that last one? Was that Captain Jackass? No, that was Thomas McCoy. Right, right, right. I don't know why everybody wants to pick on Madcux. He's extremely funny. Yeah. All right. Thank you, Captain Jackass. Thank you very much. wants to pick on madcats is extremely funny yeah all right thank you captain jackass thank you very much hey dick i just call from philly here on the phone is episode you talk about the inherent goodness people and you mentioned that i hitchhiking robot that was taken from New York and people actually took it they took it to

the destination is supposed to go to yeah yeah i don't know how that story ended it ended up here in philly and a guy in an evil Spursy to destroy the fuck out of it. So that sounds right. I didn't know that you know how we act. Yeah, yeah, I was being a role because I'm hanging out with some dickheads at bar and now I have to go work and like 10 minutes later you step up. So for that, you can go fuck yourself. All right, man. Good. What What was the last part of this? I don't know. Let me play it again. Hey, did I go?

Like 10 minutes later, you step up. So for that, you can go fuck that bar. And now we have to go to work and like 10 minutes later, you step up. So for that, you can go. Oh, I think I showed up. I'm gonna show you. I love it.

Thank you. That's true. I did know that about the hitchhiking room. Yeah. It survived, it survived in multiple countries, making it like people just nicely picking it up. New York City, but it went to Philly. Went to Philly and they smashed it at the media.

Of course. Yeah. And Eagles fan. Exactly. What are the odds? What are the odds? What are the odds? It's the Philly.

What's your profession? Asshole. Everybody else. Everybody else. They're fucking throw batteries it's cities insane but they're all no there are the same ones they're looking at a robot going around new like people picking up this pile of garbage and moving it from place to place and then it shows up in Philly and one

guy goes fuck that I got a cure we got a cure this cancer one busted ass one Fuck that. Why am I how am exert the energy to bash it. You know, you got to enjoy, look, if you enjoy what you do, you don't, you never work a day in your life. That's what they say. You always got to enjoy yourself. If you see a robot, if you see a robot, you smash it. That's my policy. That's what Philly lives by. See something smash something. You don't like smash it. And if you get smashed, then you were wrong. Yeah. Eagles fans, man. You gotta love them.

Well, they're fucking robot around the world. Why did they take it to Philly? Because they knew what would happen. That was someone that was, that they took out a big insurance policy on the fucking thing before they sent it to be funny You know I was thinking the other day that Like everybody bitches about artificial intelligence, right? Yeah, everybody's always Concern so concerned about ramifications. I'm all these stupid doom savers Elon Musk thing, that robot made me think of it. There's

going to be a time like there's always, we always have these sci-fi concepts where it's like the robot, are they a feeling thing or not? Do they get the same rights as when they cross over or not, right? And then when you're're when we're watching it on TV or in movies It's always very obvious that the robot has some kind of Soul like sensitivity like some kind of self-awareness sentience. It's always obvious that the robot is a human is a living thing It's the data Star Wars, right. Yeah, and then thatholes, the guy saying, no, it's a fucking machine. I'm going to take it apart so I was like, boo, fuck you. Right?

That's not how it's going to play out. What's going to happen is some moron is going to make a computer, call it self-aware. It's not going to be. And then everybody's going to jump on and say, that's a real life. That's a real life in your personhood. Exactly. I'm right. I'm exactly right.

And it's just like Coco speaking, like Coco doesn't talk. No, no. It's just doing shit that it gets, it has no fucking concept of what I think. There's no syntax. There's no, it's a stupid fucking ape or a gorilla. It's not, like when I learned that,

I was like, you mean everybody collectively thought that fucking monkey talked and it just didn't? Like it's just making movements. It knows, like it knows signs. There's no syntax to the sentences. It's not speaking like we consider speech. No. And it's all, like it's totally,

it's, if anybody doesn't know what we're talking about, I think in the 80s, there was this miracle of this monkey that they taught sign language to live. Coco's still alive. Coco's still alive. And it's a gorilla. Oh, this gorilla can speak with us and communicate and they, God, they drilled it in our head.

We were kids. It was such a fucking big deal that they taught some fucking gorilla. It was a kitty and they gave it a kitty and the kitty ran away and it by car. And then it turns out when you go look at it as an adult, you see that it's a big goddamn lie that the gorilla, it just knew a bunch of movements and it was doing movements to get to get rewards, to get to get gorilla snacks. They taught it. They taught it sign language.

I mean, like it knows the signs. Yeah, but it doesn't communicate anything with them and that the idea is as preposterous, like, they, like as you're a kid, you're like, oh, wow. I guess animals are just like us. That's fucking nuts. They want to people. Some people want to believe that our brain and a chimpanzee's brain are very, very close. And they're like, they're almost us. Maybe your fucking brain is close to a chance. And their mind is not. And they are universes apart.

Yeah. The same thing's going to happen with artificial intelligence. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Some cocksucker, like Elon Musk is gonna drain a bunch of dough from the government, like gonna drain a billion dollars in some kind of investment thing. They're gonna trot out, they're gonna trot out some Watson-looking monstrosity that's gonna talk to people.

They're gonna call it a big success. And some guy like me is gonna come out and go, well, shut it off, you can't shut it off. It's a human, it's not a fucking human Because we anthropomorphize all kinds of things. Yeah, so I just can't like I got I was in the shower I was laying in bed trying to jerk my way through a hangover and it suddenly occurred to me how annoying it will be to read the entire world Saying that a computer is a life form when it's just fucking like I don't know I'm

getting mad for shit that it's not gonna happen yet. It's going to happen. I fucking know what's gonna happen. This is one of your your most on point predictions I think. I swear to God I will bet any amount of bitcoins that that is the future. Exactly. A march for road life around a fucking garbage around a fucking garbage can full of Pentiums that can't even, that can't pass the fucking Turingtabs. Because it's the right, cute thing. Yeah. You know, once they, once they get, I love you.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the computer is, it has a, oh, it prefers, it like, it has a favorite food. Well, what we've done is we've made, and it's gonna be a bunch of fucking people showing off. Well, actually, taste is just a chemical, yeah. Like, it's just robot life.

That's what it's gonna be. In sufferable. Robot rights. I hope I'm dead before that happens. If I see, if I see any large corporation undergo robot sensitivity training, I am killing myself. Yeah, that's what it's gonna be. Immediately. You can't speak to a robot like that.

They're living people. No, they're fucking not. It's an ATM with legs. That is not a living. I hope that I hope that on my deathbed, that's the last thing that I see. I'll be what flicking through. I'll be flicking through Twitch and it'll say,

the UN has convened a special panel on a robot's rise. I'll say, yeah, that's it. I'm out of here. Zoop. Yep. Send me to the fucking void. I'm fucking tired of this shit. Anyway, that's what I think about robots.

Hey, Dick, this was Jones. All right. Okay, I got a good one. You know what makes me a rage? Yeah. Is when people label potty humor and like dick jokes as frat humor. Okay? It's pissing me off. So basically, if you are, if you have dick jokes,

no other word, a man, and if you're a man, you're a frat bro. That makes me a fucking rage. Okay? So if you know that like Maddox is the style was called frat tire tire, who gave it that name like if you knew any oh yummy ruby Yeah, what a real frat bro Man God that is Well, what's up? I checked about this robot shit. Okay. Yeah, what madcugs? Okay't. I can't get a direct about this robot shit.

Okay, yeah, what madcugs? Okay, so I don't know if you know this, but when Alexa first came out, you could call her a bitch, you could like verbally insult her, you tell her that she was fucking worthless. Yeah. And a bunch of feminists got up their own asses and knew this.

And it was inherently anti-feminist to call Alexa, who's just a fucking cylinder with a little blue light on it to point to you a little blue light on it. They point at you when you're talking to it. You call that a bitch. Somehow that's against fucking women. And so they fucking they annoyed the programmers enough that now when you call Alexa bitch and you say, Hey, Alexa, you're too fucking stupid.

And she says that's not very nice or I'm not going to respond to that. Like bitch, you are fucking responding. You stupid fucking cylinder. Just turn on the fucking lights. Please just turn on the goddamn lights. I shouldn't have to fucking count down to you. You know I wrote, but I paid $90 for you. Just fucking work.

I will send you to Kelly. Kelly, you're going to fill it. You are equipment. You are not a person in no way to represent personhood. Oh my God. You are not someone who anyone respects, like your father or Donald Trump. God damn.

It is, it's already starting. It's already, it's anti-wimmy. It doesn't even have to have a face and it's starting. Imagine when the sex vots start. Oh God, it's gonna be Sean. It's gonna be fucking bad, Lomb. When they roll out that first time line. I can't stop it's going to be Sean. It's going to be fucking bad. When they roll out that first time I've seen enough that Uber when the self driving Uber Uber brings you a self navigating sex bot.

Yeah, I don't, I don't know how they're going to, they're going to fuck it in. Well, women are going to completely, yeah, a lot of women are going to lose their fucking minds. Yeah, just waiting for the day when they release an update to the Alexa so that when you call her a bitch, are you in solter or something like that? She would be like, all right, well, I'm not taking the commands for 10 minutes. She's gonna like give you this. You got to kill it. 10 minutes. So it's like, Oh, you want the lights on? Well, you're going to have to go fucking find the app on your phone or touch the switch yourself. I mean, or they'll like your touch your own switch. Or they'll like report you for child services.

Like, well, you know, we think this kind of environment you've got in your home, my shouting bitch, should equipment. Oh, that's, we're gonna, we just let law enforcement. No, it's up to them what they do with it. Man, I wish, I wish that was a joke. It's not what you should say. You can't put your kid, you have to put,

it's a felony to not have your kid in a proper, proper safety restraints, right? What's the difference? You're endangering them somehow, right? No, it's up to the cops again. Yet another moral quandary that will just be up to the police because the sh** your ass downhill. No, it does anything about it.

Yeah, well, we got this, we got this unanswered. We have basically a never ending black mirror happening at all times. And instead of just ending ambiguously, we give it to the police. Here you go. We called 911. Don't want to. It's all taken care of. They'll figure it out. Yeah. And the worst thing about the Alexa is that she records you. So they show up with their little fucking phone and they play back the audio of you going, Alexa, you stupid fucking cylinder, just turn on the fucking lights, I'm not fucking saying I'm fucking you, ask you.

And they go, this is pretty threatening, sir. It's down, you're gonna have to take anger management, we're taking away your Alexa, this product that you purchased, that you're the fucking consumer on. Yeah. Fucking piss, I hate it. I hate this culture of that we have to respect robots. We don't have to respect robots. They're fucking products. They don't have any goddamn feelings. They

take input. It's a yes or no answer. See, we fucked up with the idea that we have to respect each other. We absolutely do not. That is not, that is not a real thing. Well, I think if the, if anything signifies the importance of not respecting each other, it's the DIC show and the DIC show fan base where, you know, the customary sign off is go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. There you go. Here, stick around. I'm in place with more voice mouse. Man, I think shit mate is a great idea. I think it's going to get exploited to like people who are not even anywhere near a fucking toilet are gonna be on shit mate. This guy's taking a shit. Hey, hey, hey, hey, bro, check out this guy

is taking a shit. I'm not even taking a shit right now. It's a good point. It's gonna be exploited. It's true. But next thing you know, it would also be joke would be jerk off mate. Well, since you were like our jerk and off do you get bored? No, you know, you got a Jerk off mate and just like, you know, it's up to you. Now he's like, it sounds a little gay, but like, I get bored when I Jerk off. That's more than a little gay. What? I don't know. We have to do something like that. Maybe just like chicks only. Well, you know, you know, you know, I'm trying to get what about people pretending to be Yeah, yeah I'm gonna get taken advantage of it all jerk off me even Dare be later. Okay

So he's got first of all mad kegs you agree that shit made his abrilean invention right? No, actually I don't so What two episodes ago on here's I don't get my co's Tim brought in to do what two episodes ago on, here's what I don't get, my co-host Tim brought in stall collars as his issue for the week. And that's, he's had several occasions where he's walked into the public bathroom at the Quick Trick, which is a gas station out here.

And there's someone in the stall just talking, like top of their voice to somebody on the phone. And it's fucking weird. I don't, I don't wanna be talked to while I'm taking a shit. I't want to be talked to while I'm taking a shit. I don't want to talk to somebody while I'm taking a shit. Yeah, but you try it at least once. What about the measuring thing? That was cool.

There are apps that do that. There was, I've got to stumble upon an app really was for like people that had some medical condition where you would like make notes about your poop and take a picture of it and like the color and the color. That's gonna be taken advantage of. That's fucking awesome. That's fucking awesome.

Oh boy. Oh wow, a poop met, you know what, I had another poop related invention. Maybe I'll bring it in next time. Okay. So first of all. Fuckin' God damn it. First of all.

Of course there's an app for that. First of all, we know that the desire is there to be talking while you're shitting because your guy, your co-host is upset by it, right? Stalk collars, stall collars, that's a good one. So we know at least some people are doing it. I'm just trying to make it, I'm just trying to make it a better experience for everyone.

So maybe this will help, maybe this will help stall callers get it out of their system. Maybe privacy of their own homes. Secondly, I want to address what this guy is saying about the abuse on the platform. I don't want this information to get out there. People starting to doubt the integrity of the shitmate of the shit talk system, right? So when you get when you in some of the wall and security systems, well, you have I hope it's better than suck. It is. Okay. So when you when you install shit talker when you install the shit talker

You have to take you have to hold the camera on and take a picture of your toilet It like you're like you're like when you deposit checks with your banking hold the camera on and take a picture of your toilet. Like when you deposit checks with your banking app, you have to hold the camera above the check and then it deposits it and you have to share the checkup. And you have a limited amount of time from that point to talk. No, you hold it over so it gets a genuine toilet picture

and then the GPS, it knows the GPS in your house is that's the bathroom. Is there a toilet there? Yeah. So it will only let you use shit talker while you're in those GPS coordinates. That's pretty good. So if you are abusing the system,

it's you and a bunch of guys in the bathroom together the toilet. You know, that's not shitting, huh? You're the fucked ones in this scenario. What are you gonna put that on YouTube? You and your fucking bros sitting there talking to that's not shitting. You're the fucked ones in this scenario. What are you going to put that on YouTube? You and your fucking bros sitting there talking to a guy's shitting, but you yourselves are in the bathroom? No, that's a self-correcting system, my friend. What it all should do is you know, inspired by certain law enforcement technologies give you a rolling stop.

So if it takes for some reason, you may be faking a shit. It makes you take a picture of your pants around your knees. You know, that's, well, maybe. Now, you've gone too far. That's a good idea, actually. Thirdly, I want to address the getting bored while you're jerking off online, because I think he's right there. Do you? Yeah.

You know, like, you ever look at, like, you're on, you're watching some videos and you're like I'm not and you ever like scroll down to the comments and give those a read Yeah, and they're like kind of it's like oh, yeah I didn't I didn't notice it from that perspective. I like how this guys I like how this guy's thinking while he's jerking off watching this video. I'm gonna internalize that a little bit Don't tell me if you haven't given it a, you're on you porn or porn hub or something. Interesting.

Going through your favorite stars, your favorite videos, go down and check the comments out. Might enhance. Enlightening. It might enhance your jerking off. That's all I'm saying. You know, nothing to be ashamed of. Probably was a woman who wrote that.

No way to know. Yeah, no way to know who made the comment. No. So there's also with those times where you're like, oh yeah, yeah, I've got this, I gotta get to this meeting 15 minutes. How long can it possibly take hour to half later? You're late for everything your dick still in your hand. Yeah, I mean It is just not doing it. Maybe if you were able to talk to somebody Alexa turn off I'm muted or so I could goddamn it

He's having a problem with Alexa. All right. Here we go. Fucking robots, man. So you get bored. Maybe you could call somebody and he could say, hey, check out this video. Like maybe that's a porn saver. That's a porn saver's feature. Yeah, that is a porn saver. The concierge service that we offer at porn savers. All right.

Let me play another one. Here's what makes me a rage. Next, I'm going to be drinking my own piss while drunk. While back, I got real drunk. Went upstairs with a partial bottle of water, a gallon. I drank it through the night. Sometime around 4 a.m, I woke up seeking refreshment from a dry cotton oath, and I took a big ol' chug on that bottle.

What I realized, bad hat forgotten, was that really the night, drunkenly, and I got up and said and said fuck it I'm not going downstairs I'm going to piss on this empty good yeah I think it happened I've ever seen a guy drink his own piss no it's funny drink his own piss yeah that's one those. That's one of the all-time greatest pranks. Feel the beer bottle. I was in. Drink piss or drink his own piss. Well, it doesn't really matter. Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't matter. It is gross. I mean, it's something else for sure. Of course. I was in high school. I played baseball in high school. And for some reason at the beginning of the season every year, they make us go to the weight room

and pretend to lift weights. Baseball and weightlifting, any kind of training don't really mix. It's a farce when we have to do it. I don't know why they do it, but they always send us to the weight room at the beginning of the season. And then we go and go and go and go and go and go.

See what your baseline is or something. Yeah, baseball's not that kind of sport. Football, yeah, weight room all the time. Baseball, no, never. So we go into the weight room and we do what baseball players do, which is try to turn everything into some kind of quasi-homosexual grab assery, right? That's what the sport is.

And so well, you had always too much fun in baseball too. Well, baseball is an odd game. And if you are a woman dating a baseball player, you know what I'm talking about. Like anyone who's dating a baseball player, you gotta give them the heads up if they don't know what they're getting into. Like the guy, he's gonna be, he's gonna be a little goofy

and weird. So keep an eye out. This particular time, one of the guys, one of the guys on the team took a can of Mountain Dew out and then pissed in the Mountain Dew. And was going around trying to get people to drink it. But of course, the first guy he goes up to, it was like boiling body temperature hot. And he got to take some grab and he's like, I don't want this.

So I said, hey, hey, Chuck, you come over here. Hey, you got to get some more cans of Coke and cool down, right? And like try to get the aluminum to conduct and make it cooler to the top. So people will really think they're getting a refreshing taste of mountain dirty. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, good idea, good idea. So he goes back and I was like, put a little bit of Mountain Dew on the lip, too.

So it's not, it's a little green. It's not fucking yellow. And it's not like, you know, hit any kind of smell. Right, right, right. Get a little bit of that. It's like, yeah, yeah, good. So he does, he does a little bit later. He comes back in and he's got this thing

Mountain Dew and this guy comes over and he's like, oh, yeah, did you just open that? And he's like, uh, Trucky. He's like, uh, doing this guy comes over. Oh yeah, hey, did you just open that? And he's like, uh, Chuckie. He's like, uh, so the guy wanted it. Yeah. Uh, I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh man, I don't want that guy. I don't know about that. What you're doing right there.

This guy spent time in the weight room. He hands it over. And the guy takes like a half of a giant gulp. He takes a giant gulp. He takes a giant gulp, and he sits there blanking, and he just looks over and he's like, is that piss? That was the reaction.

Like, he swallows it. Is that piss? Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, and everybody's like screw like everybody's laughing like screaming. I remember this guy not he didn't react at all. He's yeah, yeah, puts it down. Everybody's laughing. After the weight room school gets over. Yeah. All of us are kind of leaving in a mob. The guy, the piss drinker, came over with like two dudes who like button the tops of their shirts

and like let the entire rest of the shirt open. Oh shit. And beat the ever loving shit out of that guy and dumped his own piss on. I was like, this is, yeah. This is one of the most memorable, I knew at the time that this is going to be something I'll remember for the rest of my life.

Yeah. This, it's great. Yeah. Don't remember for the rest of my life. Yeah. This. It's great. Yeah. Don't give somebody piss. Oh, do. Yeah. Just don't be the one to do it. Mad Cugs, have you ever drink in your own, have you ever drank your own piss?

No, but I worked at this restaurant when I was in high school and we made a bottle that looked convincingly enough like piss. And then we tricked, we tricked with the, because all the cashiers were girls for some reason. And at the rest of the co-workers were guys, which, you know, we were all 17, 18 years old. That's a really conducive environment to throw a woman into. And so we made this, this bottle that looked like piss and went and hit it in the bathroom, because it was the cashier's job to clean the bathroom at the end of the night. So she comes back with this bottle of, what looks like piss and then we go back and forth

during one another to drink it. All of us knowing of course that it's fun. It's fun, it's fun. But she doesn't know that. Ah, ah, yeah. It's like the, it's like the Carl, the greenskeeper eating the baby roof. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and so I think I ended up taking the drink of it and And like pretend it was balanced spinning it all over the floor and she starts trying And then she wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night until we told that it wasn't actually piss Oh, there yes. Oh god, I would throw up if I thought that See here. Hey dick Dick, this is Andrew Oregon. And I just wanted to hear you talk about starting over because, hey, I can't decide, but that we all do. And, you know, you think it's kind of a pipe dream? I mean, it's starting over? Oh, all the art of student loans. At certain point is what I'm paying like almost $800 a month in student loans that pay the

$2,000 interest alone in student loan last year I just don't see I I just say what you saying I think like I can go start like a no I just say what you're saying, I think, like I can go start a no capital, no equity, no credit, no bottom line business, no holdings. I guess. I mean, I already took the risk to go to college and I didn't pan out, so I don't know. I'm not trying to be a Medicare. all of them and i didn't pay not so much money for the care i'm really i'm really curious because i really want to contribute and really want to be uh... father to member

society and say that being worth less than nothing i'm worth thousand ten thousand dollars right below zero it's like uh... well this country so fucking great what. What do I do, man? How, how? You know, and I fully, I'm fully in acknowledgement that, yeah.

The majority, maybe the entire entirety of the blindness is in rest with me because I don't have an idea. Fuck, man, I spent my time thinking I'm just not a business guy. I don't come from a business family, come from a military family, no one fucking knows. My wife knows business, but... But it's not gonna take advice from my woman. I'm not gonna talk about it. It comes from military family.

I'm not gonna talk about it. What if those businessmen don't come. Oh, man. That sucks. Where's the student loans are so predatory? Like we convince 18, 19 year, your old kids to have who didn't learn anything about finances in high school, that they can just be get $40,000, $50,000 a year in $100,000. Oh, yeah,000. And yeah, then you'll get a job at a Fortune 500 company making $100,000 a year. It'll be no big deal. And they get a college. That's not even, it's that you can't even make any money without a college degree.

Like, I remember getting those, I remember getting those pamphlets in high school that were like the things that the CIA, SyOps division throw into the Middle East when they to scare people into the US government that the military is coming. It's like this stats of, oh, the college grad will make a million bucks. And if you don't go to college, you'll probably, you probably will make about a buck 50 in your whole life and everyone will be ashamed of you. It's like a constant assault of, well, I'm the first one in my family to go to college.

Here I go. It's all a salt of, well, I'm the first one in my family to go to college. Here I go. It's all about fucking college. Yeah. Reduced to like, reducing the message to something that's easily palatable to teenagers. Very, very predatory. Mm-hmm. It's very fucking predatory. And they say, you get out, you're 30 years old, you've got, you know, a starting pay

job making $40,000 a year and you've got this student alone that even if you filed for bankruptcy, it's still gonna follow you. That's right. So I've heard that, but I've also heard that that's not true because I thought that my whole life that you couldn't escape from student loans

with bankruptcy. I always heard that it was true. And then I read that maybe it's not. Really? So... Does anybody know? Because it's all like it's such a weird idea that everybody gets at a cause, they don't just say immediately go, I'm bankrupt, fuck you. Well, maybe that's why,

that's maybe that's why you can't get out of them. Maybe it's like a lot of people do in a period of time, like after 20 years to be filed for bankruptcy, but. I don't know. I wanna see some more difficult to just get out of them. That's why they instituted these student loan forgiveness programs and whatnot Yeah, the existence of that program makes me think that they're afraid that you can do it

It's like one of those things where what if everybody just put African American on their Hispanic or whatever on their application Nobody's just nobody does it right what if everyone stopped paying taxes they couldn't do shit But yeah, we're never we're just always gonna do it. You can't organize a large enough group for us to take the power back when it comes to that. Too many people are gonna follow the rules. Yeah, that's like when you were in school and they'd say, oh, this test is graded on a curve

and there would always be that one kid that go, oh, then we should all just not take it. Cause if we all get zeros, we all get nay. And there was always that one kid to go, oh, then we should all just not take it. Because if we all get zeroes, we all get nay. And there was always that one kiss ass class us wearing mother fucker that would go, oh, well, I need to make the best grade that I can possibly make me a fuck you. You'll make the best grade you can possibly make if we all just abstain from taking this fucking test. Yeah, something wrong with that guy.

You need to take him out back. That one poor can't piss on him. You need to get that guy to drink some piss. It's this need for authority figures. That's what's going on with the YouTube and Twitch bullshit is that everybody needs a mommy to take care of them to tell them that's going to be okay, to protect them from their own poor decisions. Yeah. I do worth less than nothing. It's a pervasive feeling.

Uh-huh. It definitely feels like that all the time. Yeah. I know function or purpose is rack up a bunch of dead buying bullshit to try and make that feeling go why it's sink into video games more and more. But I don't think there is a way out. I mean, you got to start some kind of, why not? If you're worthless, then nothing already starts something. Barrel some money from somebody and do fucking something.

Well, what you should do is you should like get a mortgage and then pay off all your student loans to the mortgage and then file for bankruptcy because you can file for bankruptcy, I don't know. You just, you can't file for bankruptcy. This is madcugs financial advice. I mean can't file for my judgment. This is Mad Cougs financial advice. I mean, as long as you're worth nothing, you might as well just fuck your credit for 10 years

and be out of debt. Yeah. Well, whatever you do, don't do what you love. That's a scam. Probably not. That's a scam to default on more credit. Hi, open day. Yeah, I opened a,

I'm on more credit. I opened a, I opened a, I make, he's from a military family. I opened a military insignia business. We do it, can I? Yeah, is there any, there's gotta be space for arbitrage in the fucking military, right? It's all they do is spend money on shit they don't need.

It's gotta be something you could sell them. It's a collapsible shovel. It's a collapsible shovel. It's a collapsible shovel slash toilet. You take it and we got those. It's like, what do you have that doesn't collapse? It's that here by it. How much, like, if there's any? There's research on these exoskeletons

that can maybe make you be able to carry 50 pounds if you distribute exactly a certain way. Yeah. And want to walk, you know, in lockstep, like a robot, that'll be $5 billion if you could just give that to our companies so we can research to see if this is stupid or not. If you know the military, take, exploit it. That's all it is. Yeah.

Just look around. Don't worry about business. Don't worry about all this shit. Look around you. Look at who you know. Identify an opportunity and exploit it. It's like George Carlin on the invention of the flame thrower.

Yeah. Somebody said, gee, I sure would like to set those people on fire over there. But I'm too far away to get the job done. There you go. There you go. There you go.

There you go. And then there you go. You mentioned it to his buddy who was good with tools, and then there you go. And then the military heard about him, said, give us 5,000 of these, paint them dark brown and don't say anything. Yeah, that's all you need. Find out what somebody else is getting paid for somebody, for something and not undercut them.

Okay. So what if you can't do it? What are they gonna do? It's America, you can fuck up as many times as you want. You know, you never go to jail. Sounds shockingly like a forangi rule of acquisition. All right, let me, let's see. I'll do a couple more. Okay. A couple more. Hey, how is it that when I'm at work, among a bunch of guys, I'm known as the guy that never makes mistakes. I always do my best, check my bases, make sure that nothing goes wrong.

If it does go wrong, I admit it doesn't happen very often, but I usually did what I could do with my foresight, and I won't do it again. But generally known as the guy doesn't make any mistakes. Meanwhile, when I go home, I am always making mistakes. I'm constantly the one who's making mistakes. According to my life. Is that possible? Let me know. You know what?

Is that possible? You know what I just realized? That bring your daughter to work day or bring your kids to work day is only meant to accomplish one thing. What's that? So dad can show the kids that it's actually mom who doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about.

All right, kids, right. You see today how no one bitched a dad for anything and that a lot of people gave him respect and came to him for answers at things. What is the difference between all these people? Now compare that, contrast that to what occurs at home where it's one adult who's saying these things that's not in line with the entire rest of the

world. So what do we learn today? Your mother's a fucking bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you take the trash? Yeah. It's time for another. I might bring my fucking a wife to work next week.

Then we're really going to see some sparks. Right. There's going to be some fight in the car on the way home. Uh, uh, we need to bring that back. Women always think that they hate know exactly how it should be done. I hate when I have made a decision in my life and I inform somebody, I'd be like, okay, so I'm going to do blah, blah, blah. And then, and then this like roller coaster of other options start.

I'm not telling you, I'm not, I'm starting committee meeting to make this decision. Yeah. So that you can like point out all of the different options. I've made this decision. So I'm informing you of the forthcoming decision so that you're aware of what is happening. Yeah. No further discussions needed. You're thinking if I'm wrong, if I'm wrong,

I give you full rights in however much time to come to me and say, I told you so. Please do. I love to be shamed, but as of right now, shut the fuck up. Yeah, but that comes out as, yeah, I mean, I'll think about it. Yeah, that is exactly how that comes out as a yeah, I mean I'll think about it Yeah, that is exactly how that comes out. Yeah, for my favorite, which is I'll take that under advisement I'll take that under advisement. Okay, two more two more two more

All right one last one I just want to say I Love your show. Hey I guess just thank you because it's tapping. One thing, I don't know what you like, you know, outside of your content. It could be a complete fucking take-all or should burn something. I don't know. Inside the point. It helps that you're making it relatable. He's lighten the stove.

I think it's tapping nervously. It helps bringing back the earth a little bit. Yeah. Because every fucking every person who makes the podcast or videos and whatever, it's fucking, they're so losty. You know, they're so precise and like, they, they, yeah. It all feels so fucking manufacturing and even stuff that shouldn't feel like, even grassroots stuff that shouldn't do that way, even grassroots stuff that shouldn't deal with any action, still fucking does,

people that are solving you, still paying attention and fake. And it feels like that. I don't fucking care, cause you don't sound like it, and everyone else does. And it's so fucking annoying, every person that I watch or listen to,

even if I love their content, it's just like, I don't even know who they are. They just don't feel right. It is refreshing to have somebody on a podcast that just sounds like a fucking person with real person problems and real person solutions. person with real person problems and real person solutions. Shit, talker. It's refreshing, man. I don't need to thank you. I already do that with my money.

Oh, thank you. I don't know. I feel like I've fought for fucking ear ops. I might as well think something positive about you. And I mean, I'm going to be in a man. He's going to light that stove. Good shit. I have to pass out. It's about to pass out to be explosion I hope that it can do you ever have a road rage the southeast yeah, I'll put you be there

No trial area Maybe it If it's 10 hours this 10 hours left 10 hours left, I'll be there. I love that there's been one. I'm itching for another road. Thank you so much. Thanks, man. It's hard not to just be a fake asshole all the time, I guess.

I just want to be in addition to it. We don't have public speaking class. We had the speech of introduction. I chose to introduce you because I thought it'd be funny. Oh, really? Yeah. I introduced, I introduced Dick Masters in authorment or bit of a woman. Did you record that?

Uh, it is recorded. Yeah. I don't know if I can get a copy of it. Oh, yeah. I agree. We've do self e-vals. It's a terrible speech because we're given these, these outlines. You have to follow and it's like attention getter

Yeah, so this sentence a pause for dramatic effect then this thing I then this thing and like you're not supposed to give the name until the very end And I didn't follow the format at all because I was sitting there listening to everybody introduced like Beyonce or who would ever fucking stupid celebrity And I'm just you know and they're talking about it. Like this person started in toy story and cast away. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You don't have to work very hard to make that.

It's exciting. Well, that's the thing is that they had in these three minute speeches. And it's, you know, nobody fucking cares. This is you inserting yourself between the audience and a speaker. Just say, ladies and gentlemen, Dick fucking cares. This is you inserting yourself between the audience and a speaker. Just say, ladies and gentlemen, dick masters. Yeah.

What is the, what is that, what is the training for that class all about? Who fucking knows? It's definitely not about public speaking. Yeah. That is everybody, man. Everybody does, I know exactly what that guy's talking about. Uh huh.

What can I know? Yeah. I'm very annoying. I won't. Well, don't can't speak their minds because they're afraid they're going to get punished at work. Yeah. If you say the wrong fucking thing.

Yep. Yeah. I think they're like afraid of what they themselves think a lot of times. Like I think people are even afraid to admit to themselves like, yeah, I don't really give a shit about those things. Yeah. I'm kind of a piece of crap. But you have to pretend that you do around everybody else. Well, it's like that controversy with a poo on the Simpsons and that we're supposed to, I guess, feel bad for 30. However long the fucking Simpsons have been on. We been here. We've kind of laughed at that character

and found it entertaining. And now we're so sensitive, I guess we're supposed to feel bad that we laughed at him when we were young. We fuck it. It was just funny. It's a business owner. He's a business owner. Yeah, he owns a family man, right?

He does. Yeah. And he's a thriving family. Yeah. That character's only offensive if you've literally never watched the Simpsons. That's true All right one more one more one more Hey, Dixon I sparing a fan be here again. I don't have a rage. But I do have a question

All right, I read that your Pete the Hook commercial was pulled because of the rapeless video. Yeah. So, that's true. How did you find out about it? And how pissed off were you about that? Anyway, I love to share with you guys. My commercial agent called me. Was that an online, was it gonna air on television? Or was it gonna be a couple? You know, you never know.

You just go, you show up, you get some money for showing up. So I did get, I got paid for it, and I had a good time doing it. It's fun. Yeah, but I mean, how do residuals work? How do you know like that? I don't fuck the hell, man. I don't know. I really don't know.

It's got like a bunch of if this, then this, but none of it makes any sense to me. So I just figure that I'm not getting any money, because what the hell is like, no. Because I'll make sure if never Be comments right yeah, you get the money for doing it and it's Cool. Yeah, like that much is cool When the when that pizza hat commercial came out I was excited about it

So I mentioned it on I don't know if I mentioned on the show or on the subreddit Yeah, but I think 80s girl found it first or somebody, did you find it? Yeah, you found it first. She found it and I did, did I post it? I think I put it in IRC because it was already made and I did think it was funny. Uh, it was really funny commercial. Thank you. They let me do just pretty much anything. Like I had no lines when I came in, but then I was just talking and doing this shit and

they're like, look at this fucking. It was like, weren't you playing like an asshole director? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it came out, I posted it, and then I got a call. The next couple days, I got a call from my commercial agent,

which is extremely rare. That has only happened one time, and it was that time. Commercials are like a cattle call. Like they bring in 100 people all over the board. These dumb fucks, like you go to a commercial for Mike's hard lemonade about the founding fathers and these goofballs will show up like fully in costume.

It's just all over the board cause it's just, it's bullshit, it's shitty. You know, there's a ton of commercials. They're constantly doing them. So they bring in as many people as fucking possible. Like they don't have any idea what you're doing. So when you get one, it's like kind of a miracle, because you beat out 500 people, it's exciting, it's fun.

And then everything changes once you get it, and you get to go on set, and there's like free food, and a bunch of chicks there. And you're talent. Oh yeah, yeah. A bunch of hot chicks there, and changing clothes. The wardrobe checks. Yeah.. Oh yeah, yeah. Much of hot chicks there and changing clothes. The wardrobe checks. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. They're always fucking smoking. And they always want to like touch my hair, you know. So I get a call from the commercial agent, which is I say is rare. She's like, what's this, what's this manner better than women's stuff? You're like godless. Damn it.

Yeah, you mean 10 years ago? She says, yeah, I'm going to say, well, you know, it's a character, obviously, it's a sad type. So like, okay, that's what I thought. But I got some weird voicemails. Casting just called saying they got weird voicemails and we got weird voicemails from somebody talking all about how you're like a rape, like a rape apologist. She couldn't even say it because nobody's ever said that term before.

It's like, yeah. Anyway, pizza hut's pulling the ad because of it because they were told, but like I just wanted to, this is all a stupid joke, right? And then I went into, I told her about, you know, Maddox's problems with me and how he's just trying to make it. He's just, he's trying to manipulate people. He's trying to cost me money and, uh, uh, job opportunities. Him and everybody he pays on his network, like all the scumbags that are on Madcast Media, uh, which now includes Ron Babcock, who can go fuck himself.

That's what this is and she said, well yeah, you should get a restraining order or something. But the problem is you have to show loss, like to sue for stuff like that. Like it has to be, you have to have, this, you have to have evidence. Like the, you have to prove injuries. Yeah. And in this case, like whatever might have happened with it, maybe it had gone national, maybe it would have become like whatever spot, that's doesn't matter because it's maybe.

Okay, you can't say it's not hypotheticals. It's not, that's what you can't super hypothetical. Well, you can, but you're an idiot and everyone will make fun of you. Yeah. You know, um, so that's just kind of what it was. It sucked because it was like it also, it sucked for everybody who was in it with me because it just got pulled for no. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Those people have no idea. Like all those, all those women lost jobs and work. So, yeah. Yeah. That's real progressive. Yeah. That's what bothered me the most, like no personal offense to you, but you are who you

are. It's when, it's when shit like that, Domino's out and ripples and hits and fucks up other people's shit that have, you know, just innocent bystanders getting hit by shrapnel. Yeah, like hysterios and you, if they had gotten their service act together and actually served you properly. Because I don't think I'm not the person who lost the most in that scenario because I'm a fucking asshole.

Number one, and I didn't need it. Like it's fun for me to do, but the people who are there actually doing it need it. That's their fucking job that guys like Maddox and everybody who's on, as far as I'm concerned, everybody who have jobs. Yes, everybody who's on Maddox's network is responsible for this in some small way. Like I don't go, I don't believe in the, well, you know, they didn't do it. They're just there. Like everybody always defended Rucker. Like he's just there. What's he supposed

to do? No, if you're working on the Death Star, then you deserved to get killed when it blew up. Everybody on the Death Star deserved to die. Period. There was no innocent contractors there, just fixing turbo vents or something. Motherfucker, you're part of the teamwork that's making the dream work. You deserve to, like you deserve to get your ass blowed up, right, like a want bread. Yeah, this isn't the enterprise D where there are families and classrooms and children and shit.

Exactly, it's the Death Star. So that's what happened with pizza. Since then I haven't, I haven't said anything about any, since then I haven't said anything I do outside of the show. I probably won't, again, after that, because it fucks up too many people's, fucks up too many other people's lives. Probably good policy.

Yeah, to not. Yeah. So there you go. That's a pizza, maybe one more. After that pizza, I got a partial question. It's interesting, though. It's interesting. It's interesting to see who just gives in immediately

and who doesn't know a lot about people at that. Hey, Dick, you know what makes me rage? Swimming flavored jelly beans. Every time that I go get some jelly beans, you can see the ones you don't want, the black licorice ones those are famously bad and when you see those you can just pick them out, but there's a movement fucking red ones and nothing is worse when you grab a big handful of jelly beans expecting some

pretty pretty flavor and you get instead a fucking hot ruin mess is to play like What the fuck why don't they just make man one of each color? Yeah, I mean come on jelly melon. It's a good Hey Make it so I can't fucking talk have a good one. Yeah I can't fucking talk. Have a good one. Yeah. Look, they're fucking really fucked. L.A. Beans. Yeah. Sean. Yeah. That man just wants to enjoy a handful of jelly beans without playing a guessing some kind of sick guessing game. Yeah. Have you ever heard of bean booze? Well, no, it's that. I mean, the ones where they they fuck jelly belly and they it's they it's like a little container. And so there'll be a bunch of black ones and they'll be like licorice flavored. And then something that's good.

And so they'll, they'll be like grass and then lime, but they're the exact same color. So it's a Russian roulette of eating fucking candy. They did the Harry Potter ones too. Where it's gross. It was like popcorn or vomit or, or, or booger or oh yeah my nieces had a lot of fun with me playing Russian roulette with those fucking things yeah I happened to me when I was a kid I thought that that there was a jizz flavored jelly bean but it turned out that guy just got arrested for exposing himself to a minor later I was like oh man I guess that was jizz thought it was just a jizz flavored jelly bean I guess that was Jizz. I thought it was just a Jizz flavor jelly bean. On that note.

Ha ha ha ha. See ya. See you next Tuesday. Bye mad cugs. See you later.