The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 01, 1001 Karate Fistos

Episode Date: July 20, 2020

Seanbaby and Brockway cover books about bathroom bonin' and karate, as well as the origin story of Fisto, who is both bathroom bonin' and karate. Bathroom bonin'! Karate! The ultimate podcast!

1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG Out of podcast slams with maximum hype Say hotdog podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG 1-900-HOTDOG Yeah

9000 He gets me every time Welcome Welcome to our first 1-900-HOTDOG podcast The dog zone with two G's and two Z's You gotta forgive our kinks

and our foibles and our stumbles and bumbles We're having a lot of audio problems I think we might be I am not asking for any forgiveness You know what? Fuck it I'm not even I dare you

You can come fuckin' try to kick my ass That's what I say Fuckin' jump out of your truck and say this is for that podcast mother fucker This is a really confrontational, unfriendly start It's spot on This is exactly what I was talking about

Forgive me for all of that I take back the not wanting forgiveness thing I'm taking my one out of seven Forgiveness is now I get six more I wish this podcast was just that theme song It really is a great theme song Thank you to Oral Nots

who actually wrote Oral Nots Zach wrote an article on our website about the weird shit he keeps getting sold on Wish which I think only sells insane products as far as I can tell It was so good They only sell insane products

and somehow he found the worst of them I'm not sure how he did that What sort of side ways to mention he slipped into that people will sell them those things and I worry for his soul but I thank him for his sacrifice He's got a sweet dick basket He had those bargain dick baskets

you could buy like the little that you stuff him in the front of your pants to You tell me you didn't buy any of those? The savings Sorry I meant a lot of words I'm so upset with you There's only so many you need and I'm full up

I'm wearing them in several directions I sort of look like a corn cob I like to stack them I started that way I did a few just to get that You can pull one off and be like yeah I was packing

the next one they will never suspect that there's a mask It's not appropriate for every occasion like if you're at a wedding and you've got four dick bulges you're like it's a bit much This is her day It's not about me She looks beautiful everyone stop talking about my penis

Play the theme song I'm going to play the theme song one more time I love this I love that plan okay let me share my screen here Oh yeah One nine hundred hot dog Hot dog

One nine hundred hot dog A podcast slant With maximum life Say hot dog podcast Word Word When you taste that great great power You're in the dog zone for an hour

Come on You got the numbers He gave us a great price on the production We should have paid him 40 grand for that It's so tremendous Yeah it was

worrisome that that turned out to be a thing that I could spend money on I didn't realize I could spend money on that up until now and now I just measure every purchase in the amount of theme song that it could get me I'm like this is like a six of that theme song I'm not spending this money We've been doing this a long time

but I don't know if anyone's ever trusted us with like the budget or the money and like Yeah we have made poor decisions already I think that one it No absolutely not but I think that 200 dick baskets

now that we've discussed it more I think that was silly I think we were silly for doing that I mean we did make a ball pit out of them and play in it and we had a lot of fun I don't regret that but I do see how we can get money from the outside

My accountant says there's some good resale on them like not 100% resale of course but like we'll get most of that money back Put them on wish man maybe that's how that site works I don't know I think we put them on Warsh which is

Washes that have gone wrong It's like five eyes and they all have umlots but it's it's mostly secondhand dick baskets and it's another thing so I mean we got a pretty good deal on that I'm $800 for the server the web design cost us

$36,000 so most of our Patreon money is going to to good use I would say I'm the negative here guys we need your help this has become a fun drive I don't have any tote bags please help I'm trying to sell you hard on these secondhand

dick baskets but we have not sold any A lot of those plastic bags from the supermarket I will write our name on it and send it to you that's not a bad idea that's the Roger Stone business model remember he sold these little rocks that he wrote

Roger Stone on them and look at him now he's at a prison he's free in the clay everyone loves him you go on the internet and it's just like Roger Stone Mania so here's what I'd like to talk about on the podcast as listeners hopefully know we do 100hotdog.com

where we take broken artifacts from the wrong dimension and we make delightful jokes about them it's not really more complicated than that is it sure it is we could go on just needlessly specifying and drilling down into it until we're

absolutely to find it but I prefer to think of it as just you know what's wrong you know when this is going to be right and I do like the absurdity of like a certain sweet spot of stupid

like for instance you know on the internet something will become really popular like someone will have a cabinet that sounds like Chewbacca and they'll have like a million views everyone just loves the cabinet right I agree with them that's fine but I'm not the kind of person that can talk about Chewbacca cabinet this is probably the longest

conversation I've had about a Chewbacca cabinet but then it's Chewbacca cabinet real because let's yeah there's a Chewbacca cabinet and it's a bit fascinating and then there tends to be a trend of people doing Chewbacca cabinet like things like hey my closet sort of sounds like

you know Pondobaba I was trying to think of another good Star Wars character but Mons Pubis like he was one of the guys from the cantina Mons Pubis and so you're like look look like my shower sounds like Mons Pubis and then of course you're like that gets worse and worse and worse and then

someone will come in and do like a book on like the Chewbacca cabinet saga and it'll be like the autobiography of the person who had this weird cabinet and see the many tragedies they've suffered right or like what it's like the human they are yeah yeah what it's like

being a cabinet star and like how they became a cabinet star and how they dealt with you know stardom and still how that name turned on them and the inevitable fall right so the sweet spot for me like the thing I would say this is a 100 hotdog article is taking that book and making fun of that book so

it's like a couple of layers removed from something popular or cliche in a sort of a special section of someone who just doesn't understand how the world should work and they just think they went too far that's for me I

think helps people understand the site it's like a book about the saga of the Chewbacca cabinet yeah like a badly written one of those twitter books when they just kept making books about twitter right one of those twitter books actually reading it and going through all

the like when they run out of things to say because they will run out of things to say so it's like chapter seven of a twitter book really oh oh no this is do isn't it people are going to try to read this what I would like to talk about first with

you my illustrious colleague is 101 weapons for women which was a book I did on our first week of our new website our new wildly popular and delightful website this was a written by a man named Rodney R. Ice and our rice and

I looked all over the internet for more information on this guy and aside from this book I can't find him anywhere which is kind of unusual for a karate author they tend to at least have like a little facebook page for their school or something right like the end game of

a karate author is not to write a book about karate right like this something beyond that so one of the weapons for women is um it's one of those great like maybe wrongly gendered books or overly gendered books where like there's

no reason for it to be about women like I think men get attacked as often or more than women so to specify oh you as the target of this attack are a woman and so I have a special weapon just for you it's

already suspicious like I'm not sure you you get how shit works buddy and sure enough those uh tactile grips on a shampoo bottle and saying this is for men for men I have a theory that they don't even fucking think those are for men I think that's just because we give it attention like I think

when people make fun of that like that's as good and advertising is like why not why not yeah this is the other ideas and then like the idea of someone being so insecure they they fucking all things being equal pick the manly as shampoo is is

I would have been on board with that before moving to Arizona and now I can tell you definitively that is not true you've met these I met them they're on the street and raised pickup trucks with swear words on the back of them and

I bet the flags being peeing on Calvin somehow I bet those guys advise them for secondhand dick baskets yeah yeah you have to market them as having tactile grips but I think we can manage that I'm already really glad we're doing this podcast because this is not something

we normally would have talked about and I think it's a really great idea we're gonna make a million dollars so the great thing about 100 yeah the fucking quit writing the jokes we just did it

we've escaped jokes our goal the whole time it's always been my dream to wear pieces of plastic on my crotch just for a few days just to get them all softened up get them nice I think you'd call it seasoning your dick basket

and then to collect those to sell those to strange men strange insecure Arizonans I mean that's been my dream at least for a minute at least for two minutes there has to be a Facebook target at demographic

and they add when you go to buy an ad click down menu that says insecure Arizonan men just market straight to them let me open my Facebook and yes I already have a t-shirt ad for don't mess with an Arizonan man with nine dick baskets whose

entire crotch looks like a corn cob and it's born in January and loves his wife he pokes his fat wife that last part she is not gonna like but what the fuck it's my T-99 not hers

that's one of those things where he's like man everything else on this shirt is really true about me there's just one thing that's off and she's not gonna like it but I gotta do it you gotta do it so what makes this karate book special besides the fact that it's just for women

is that it starts off with like a quiz that you can take and it asks if you're a target and you can take a quiz so Brock we do you want to take some of this quiz with me I'm so excited to take this quiz I felt like a victim all my life and I need confirmation well the previous owner

of this book is named Kim Canavan and she signs her name enormously the entire first third of the first pages not a victim then first signature screams not a victim so question number one which one statement best describes your dress code

a. I prefer a more classic or traditional image b. I like to be comfortable with room to move c. I look better in clothes which show my figure what do you think? A. I want to say a. I'm a classy gentleman and I know it you know Kim selected that same one

but she also selected b. basically Kim does not ever dress sexy and circle spandex tuxedo pantsuit yeah I think that's what Kim is dressed as so that is actually good for your score like that generally means

of a victim of karate all of these questions like for example number two as you walk do you a. carry yourself with confidence b. daydream or stare at the ground c. move with a quick strong gate d. swing your purse or belongings e. look ahead and to the sides for potential

trouble it is absolutely you dart around constantly darting but not necessarily for karate threats I think if we need to specify that I'm looking for karate threats I would fail this

because I'm mostly looking for dogs to pet or people are going to talk to me oh that's a good idea you want to play with one and avoid the other yeah ideally if you can just slip around them that's like my move is to spin around the person

that wants to talk to me and pet the dog it feels like inadvertently you're you're gonna do well avoiding karate like it feels I feel like you're you're already doing pretty good I have not been intensely karate lately not intensely I get fucked up like six times a week but it's

always from behind so I don't know how any of this would help at all it's because you're swinging your purse or other objects I can tell right now I'm gonna test I need to swing in a 360 degree with my purse I think was is what was what I'm learning on daredevil rules you're trying to sound out threats with it but you're not

getting from behind that you see I didn't even think about it it's like a radar sense I was thinking if I just swung fast enough I would hit people as they came behind me unless they timed it just right but I mean come on unless I was attacked by a group of jump ropers which isn't out of the question

I do say a lot of real problems flashing weak spot on your back that everybody just keeps targeting I was born with that and it I honestly it doesn't help I I wear a a wig to cover it a ponytail wig which is its own

type of target it but it goes with my lizard and so so anyway I do very bad at these karate quest quizzes I feel like I'm killing it yeah you're doing really well okay so number three which pair of traits

is most a part of your personality alert and assertive be agreeable and cooperative or see titties and titties one of those one of the three was an outrageous joke answer it's okay it was passive and

I can't decide it passive and obedient this is the most obviously like do you like to get punched in the face yes or no how much of a victim do you look like a lot or not it's kind of how much do you hate yourself

I need the answers before I forget the questions I don't think I'm necessarily assertive I am very alert and titties so it's like a little a and a little the best of all worlds

I think you get the gist of this quiz it's basically like are you walking around like ready for an attack at any time and I think that's great I think people walking around like their John Rambo is fun and exciting but one of the themes

of these self-defense books is sort of this idea that that the things you do help prevent attacks even when they like objectively don't like if you're like you know looking around darting your eyes in every direction I don't know if anyone's ever done a study to say like

those are the people that never get attacked versus someone who like looks determined to get where they're going or looks like crazy you're probably less likely to attack if you just look fucking crazy maybe I do you carry two machetes with you all and do you swing them around and yell

see that I think I would attack that person because it feels like that would make them happy like that's what they were it's what they were you're a generous soul though but uh yeah the idea of someone just like looking schizophrenic or or especially like

looking confrontational I feel like it's one of those things that has a common sense element to it but also if you're like whatever a weird schizophrenic or just a guy who you know hates his wife and he's on the subway hoping to find someone to punch and then there's this weirdo who like

it's kind of like alpha dog in them and they're like you know I'm too assertive for you to mug like I feel like that's yeah I'm kind of gonna mug that guy I'm not even a mugger but I'm kind of gonna mug that guy you think I can't mug you you think I'm not gonna mug you I mean now that you brought it up I can think about

I'm gonna mug you just to show you I can you know what I mean I feel like I don't I don't know I'm not that I don't have that Arizona mentality but but to me it feels like this would be a very difficult thing to study and all these martial arts books I read it it feels like

very unimaginative people sort of write down everything they did on a day where they didn't get mugged and they're like cool I cracked it I knew I should put this in my karate book yeah and like that's all it takes to write a karate book here's the here's a list of shit I did I I went to the store before the bank

always do that and when you're at the bank put your money in your suck crime never knows to look in your sock you know like they'll have little tips like unless a true genius criminal would buy the book on how to avoid crime and now you're getting them from both directions they're selling books

hand over fist man this is brilliant I did recently on the website I did one which is just such a great karate book called how to protect yourself and survive by Sydney Philson and she's just fucking ready for karate all day every day you must murder Sydney Philson

everything she's ever touched is fucking dead this lady is a master karate and she has sort of this mentality that crime is sort of in a point karate tournament with her so that she'll say oh never try this attack because they'll expect it you know what I mean so she's she's like trying

to stay one step ahead of what the crime guy is is thinking which I thought was just just very funny and like such a weird clinical way to look at the world anyway like crime is some chess game like that criminal is actually thinking like okay here's my move

what is the counterpoint oh she's using Zardaz's revenge when she uses Zardaz's revenge I counter with my numb checks so this everyone should know on the streets the first knife attack is a faint and you gotta watch out for the numb checks in the other hand that's just

karate science well I'm not gonna argue with her because she's covered in blood of course she's got like eyeballs in each hand just and just dicks all over her feet she's just dick blood from shins down so this also another trope

of karate books is the dick attacks of course everyone would have imagined this and 101 weapons for women has so many dick attacks like you smash a cactus into the dick and for the most part I like the prop work the prop work oh my god there's so many weird props in this

this guy kind of he's of the the mind that anything in the right hands can be a weapon it's like very Jason Bourne so like he'll he has somewhere he'll attack you with a paperclip or a straw stuff that like if a intruder leapt

into your house you would almost certainly drop to like fight them but he's like no if you got a drinking straw you fucking jam that into their heart and I'm not kidding he has a paperclip he's like you got a paperclip straighten it out jam it into their heart I just feel like

crack that chest bone for your paperclip really just nine to ten paperclips to the chest easy like yeah I mean I would I would say I have a lot but I feel like maybe around paperclip number three or four I would probably try to stop the paperclip by punching

no I'd say I'd see how far they go no you blew it there like if someone stabbing you with paperclips you let them finish and then like after three or four you're just doing science just like how many of these will it take to kill me because I think by seven or eight you're going to throw that shirt out

but I don't think you're going to die until fifty sixty paperclips yeah probably not and who has fifty sixty paperclips you're safe if someone stabbing your paperclips under no circumstances will you die maybe if you're at a staples and I feel like all of karate knows

that I just choke it's my poor broadcast skill see I'm not supposed to disagree with you I'm supposed to yes and you and I shut you down because I just feel that strongly about paperclips also I have no broadcast skills well this is journalism

I should have learned some of those when we started our audio podcast I don't want to learn anything I'm tired of learning stuff I spent a long time informing people and learning things and you know what I'm done I'm with you

I think we're too old to learn stuff anyway it's like what 32 you're done learning things I just invented that I've never actually heard that stat I heard it just now cool let's agree on it let's even lower it like 26 it's been on the radio that's true

it's been on the podcast well I heard on a podcast so much of the things I think and know I've heard on podcasts and so if I'm like oh here's a fun fact about something I know in my heart when I start explaining that to somebody

that like I fucking heard this on a podcast and if they ask me where I heard this I'm gonna be so embarrassed that's how everybody's operating these days it's like 90% of anything anybody talks about is from a podcast and I'm so excited that we're we're here and we're just polluting

the pool of human knowledge just pissing right in the pool of human knowledge but I don't know if I've ever been in a conversation with like a difficult person where like somebody stopped to Google something like I don't think I've ever been like speaking to my mother about politics and she says like some like fascist talking point

I'm like hey mom should we Google that like we've never actually gotten to that point in the conversation we just like kind of go our separate ways where I'm cranky and she's fascist like that's just like how people deal with their parents now I think I either believe you or I don't and that entirely sounds depends

on how much it just sounds true like right yeah that could be true I'm gonna go ahead and believe that I believe that yeah why don't you guess a number between one and one hundred and one and we will further test your karate to see if you pick a deadly

weapon for women weapon for women that's what I'm trying to say weapon for women you really throw me now well we know the number I should go for 42 oh I like that mixing it up

the secret to life okay 42 is the start of the jewelry section barrettes and hair clips the start of the jewelry section barrettes and hair clips so that's your that's your 42

forcefully stabbing with the clasp of a barrette can penetrate the temple which I assume means the brain I think you take off your little hair clip your barrette and you jam it into a human skull and if you've ever seen a barrette it's got the two little

like flat metal frames that sort of come to a point and right they're flexible by nature very very flexible they're springing like between two human fingers you could bend it in half so the idea of smashing it against the skull and hoping that the skull gives in

before like the surface tension of this tiny flat metal thing it's I mean fight with somebody and it turned out to be that guy that got hit with the acid and Robo cop and just was really soft at the time that's like every one of these weapons fucking slaughter

that guy if he was like a trauma style like toxic Avenger man right or some sort of an ectoplasmic like entity and it's gonna go straight into their brain to really thrown off his fighting style right but you don't want to use such a close range weapon against

like a radioactive creature or the undead I would imagine right so you want to you want to throw drinking straws at him if you had a drinking straw absolutely throw if you're finding a slimer or a toxic Avenger you want to throw the drinking straw even as a distraction you could

like throw it near a mud puddle and they'll be like mud puddle and then they'll like comically drink from the mud puddle well this we should probably write a book for surviving I think we're doing it I think we're doing it right now it's kind of yeah I guess you're right I mean this is how the fucking twitter books

far more likely said a bunch of shit and somebody turned it into a book yeah oh here's a good one the same page haircombs grasped in both hands and raked down temples so just like rushing very aggressively

combing your attackers hair with both hands ooh tangled damn oh I am really sorry I tried to do crime on you I I don't know if our listeners know this I really enjoy combat sports and I

am a mature Karate man myself and I wouldn't encourage anyone in during a sparring match to try some two-handed attacks against an opponent it's because I love to do it and there's never been a single time I've ever done it where I didn't get fucking blasted in the face

it's just the worst it's for Captain Kirk fisted hammer punch well that's just a great move I'm talking about like coming at someone with like a Mongolian chop you need very very specific circumstances so the idea you do?

that's when you like smack someone with like two hands it's like a pro wrestling term for that move where you like you box their ears basically ah okay Sakuraba did it against Toys Gracie to get past his guard on the ground

it was an interesting maneuver didn't hurt him but like everyone appreciated how silly it was so it's an entertainment well, Toys Gracie and Sakuraba had a 90 minute fight because Toys Gracie like argued that there should never be a stoppage to the fight

like they should fight until they're dead he's fucking crazy right so Sakuraba was like okay I guess I'll wear a diaper and he didn't actually wear a diaper but that was his joke and then they fought and it went for 6 15 minute rounds and the whole time Toys Gracie just sort of stalled him and so Sakuraba

would like fuck around try to pull down his pants and like try to jump over his legs and stomp on his head and it's really entertaining for 90 minutes of fighting and then Sakuraba it's like fighting improv it's like the improv show that just for here for an hour we're gonna use the space

he knew he was there to entertain people and Toys Gracie was just there to be fucking cranky and he like never really did anything and eventually just gave up just had eaten 1000 tiny little shots again if you had 1000 paper clips I think you could kill a man and that's

the proof is this fight Sakuraba vs. Toys Gracie so if you're Sakuraba I would say try this aggressive hair combing technique because I think the crowd might like it but I think if you're a woman being attacked it's just gonna add a little bit of whimsy

to your murder I mean to be fair I agree no I mean like to be murdered let's make it fun in case someone's watching and then like when he's talking to the judge he'll be like you know funny story judge when I was murdering this woman

she combed my hair but like in a mean way I think she learned it from a book really threw me off I almost let her go almost I killed seven more people and here I am but you know she's the one I talk about but hey Baylif it's the friends we made

along the way right also you know this is really good improv murderers stuff yeah well we made it we made it like a half hour before going straight into the murder alright I was gonna be proud of us but that's not that impressive

fair enough listeners you should know we have no formal training in improvisational comedy this is all just natural talent yeah I've got some training in that I've been dragged to several improv shows and I learned

what I hate about it and really just internalized that yeah that counts I feel hate is a type of education as I um as I get older I tend to like not hate stuff like that just because I feel like I'm ruining other people's fun

I know to avoid it because I don't want to bring because I do hate it and I just don't want to like bring that energy to like fuck up whatever happiness they're finding there but it feels like if everyone's on that improv wavelength there's something to it there's a talent to it

it's just not for me yeah I mean I can't do it or maybe no I won't do it I just think I don't like it I might be able to do it no I mean you know I didn't stand up and go I hate this I hate this I went to an improv show in Chicago once where

the performers stood up and they did some acts that weren't funny and they did one that was like sort of a PSA about like I don't even remember what it was but it was it was just really aggressive uh messaging that like I thought we'd already agreed on like 30 years ago

it was like you know gay people are as good as anybody I'm like yeah wait is that is that really but anyway like they were really aggressive about it and they like turned the crowd a little controversial for you to bring up at that point right so I was like yeah I agree sure but they wanted everyone in the crowd to like

end up and like do some sort of a tantrum to like and I was like I just don't I didn't want to do it and everyone like turned and looked at my group because my group didn't do it either because I guess my my just interest in this was infectious enough that you know they got to

them and like they also really mad at us like the show kind of got stopped and I'm like oh my god I'm like legitimately ruining everybody's fun because I hate this so much and they were like in this mindset of like they wanted to be mad at me for like being on the wavelength of gay rights or whatever like the thing they were championing

and I'm like no no I agree I just didn't want to do the little theatrical thing I'm sorry the support gay rights I don't support improv I'm trying to say I vote against improv if you would let me vote I would cast my vote against improv and I would vote for gay

those are your two choices if there was two gentlemen on the stage and one said I'd like to do some improv and the other one said I'd like to tenderly kiss you with my mustache for several minutes I'd say mustache guy for sure any day all the way I'll watch a beautiful display of human affection

we'll watch some earnestness let's do one more weapon and test your karate because again I think your instincts are troubling I'm so thrown after the last one my confidence is in the gutter which only makes me more susceptible to karate

so let's hope this next one that you get is a strong powerful weapon this is for everything this is doubling everything one through 101 you gotta guess one oh it's so important though I'm thinking about it I pick 70

no 74 74 is exercise gear like your pocket radio or tape player you know what this is this is not a bad idea this is an illustration exercise gear

you know like why not she's got like an 80s style walkman and a shirtless man is behind her and she's just reverse uppercutting into his dick with the walkman

into the dick with the walkman I was going to go for the head or something no because he's got her by the shoulders like he's kind of giving her a back rub with the reverse cassette tape player to the dick and it says cassette tape player jammed backwards into a salience groin

and then the other picture is portable radio suddenly thrust into temple and again this guy is also shirtless another thing about this book is it feels like it was almost written backwards from how can I get these ladies

into a room with me where I'm shirtless and choking them and then they're choking me and we get a lot of sexy pictures of it then they touch my dick with just every object I have brought like use my wife's pillow next

that's what this section's about this says everyone working out seems to want to escape with their own music which is great I like that he's sort of like doing a little intro to music like Webster's defines music as you know it's like he's giving a TED talk on this

oh great what the fuck is the point of this these small tape players radios and now CD players can be used in a variety of ways that's implement weapons no not a CD player we lost attack properties when we switched to CD players

they were flimsy they weighed like half an ounce honestly it would just be sort of erotic to be jammed in the dick with a CD player with the disc men like render you sterile it's not my kink zone but if a lady said

hey I want to jam you in the crotch with a CD player I'd say a picture birthday maybe but if you said a tape player I'd say no that's going to really hurt generous in giving and game I will try your fetish

are you a generous lover traditionally a generous lover we are taking a turn from this one I just feel like we're talking a lot about violence I just think people would like to know these things about you

yeah I'm a giver I like to give it to him now you're talking that's some good wordplay no formal training but just crushing it with the improv disc man right in the coach every time

I would never hit a lady in the crotch with a disc man even if she asked me to I just feel like your mother specifically taught you not to hit ladies in the crotch with disc man I just feel like so much could go wrong like even if she had the safe word like what good is that going to do if she's got a

shattered pelvis and then like we go to the hospital and what do we say like oh yeah we fuck real weird and like I smashed a bunch of stereo equipment into her crotch and like who would believe that not a judge in the world would believe that even she's there like no I promise that I

wouldn't do it they're like ma'am we have a place that can take care of you specifically for stereo general mutilations we have a shelter oh man we do we do a lot of dark comedy here yeah we're going it's like

I've been watching the timer I think it's like every 16 minutes we have to we have to go to crime again it's just yeah but then like remember that time I asked you if you were tender lover like we're pretty unpredictable we went immediately into crime from from

tender lover that was a defense mechanism though I mean like we can't talk about intimate stuff like that like without it just without us crying and holding each other over over discord video server and we can't we're so far away we need to distance I want you to pick one more karate

book before we karate item before we put this book down I think you got 101 I want to see where I want to see the ending because the is the weapon me all along oh my god I want to read you 100 first because

101 is disappointing but 100 is very good it's a little something you want to show we can okay as throwing stars that's right ladies specifically for women what you should consider in this implement weapon

book is if you have a throwing star don't use it for cooking or cleaning or brushing your teeth what you want to do is throw it at an enemy a lot of people wouldn't think to do that with a throwing star they would see a throwing star and think like I wonder what this thing is for it's Christmas ornament I don't know but no

like if you're throwing star and you're being attacked consider using the ancient oriental weapon it would be a really good Christmas ornament now that you brought it up I wonder why I haven't been doing that it's embarrassing now that I think about it too yeah

it says shariqans are multi-bladed throwing stars and that's in quotes and then there's a period because he doesn't know where you're supposed to put the period in a sentence they are heavy enough so I'm fucking copying the book over the air that's just a quick aside one of the hardest things to do

like reviewing all these terrible books I review on the site is like not bringing up all the typos like all these books by like wizards and sex experts like they're really poorly educated people and also very bad proofreaders and so they're just fucking filled with errors

and they're kind of funny to me like it's funny that like a book got published and no one read it and so like I always want to say like oh look that's not where you put a comma I'm also really proud that like I did so well in fourth grade that like I'm trying to show off still try to really sell that one

yeah gotta find a use for this and number 101 is it's a whistle just to get help but he's not even going to kill a guy with a whistle it will like to jam it down his throat so that he whistles while he chokes the picture is a woman it just says

shrill whistle fends off attack like the attacker's not there it's like that Nathan for you picture where he's like friends are just off camera laughing it's like this woman's like small whistle fending off attack jamming through his eye and fucking blow on it and whistle his goddamn eyeball

right out of his head let it ring through his fucking skeleton oh it ends with just asking for help that's so disappointing yeah well that's not how you end a book it actually seems to think that I agree it should have ended with throwing start absolutely the real

weapon is the authorities if you're white I think we should there should be a disclaimer do not blow this whistle unless you're white okay honestly only white women are buying this book I would that's probably very true although it might be insulting

I might have just gotten in trouble but it's yeah I'm really glad that we're not going to do a whole bunch of like racially improv now I think that no one will know that I cut 20 minutes out of the podcast if you're doing very problematic voices right am I right

I'm right I strongly disagree what's also great about this book that I own it's autographed by the author so the Kim Canavan the woman who signed the front page apparently

like got it signed at whatever self-defense course she took from this charlatan and his signature is very unpracticed like it feels like he's never even signed it yet you have my book he signed on the very last page and you found me

and you found me and then he killed her with a straw he's just it's all I know I'm sorry I tried to warn you Kim Canavan's blood is all over this book but it's just a wispy little thing and it's all shaky and

small like maybe like she saw him on the highway and said oh my god you're Rodney Rice you've got to sign my karate book she was so aggressive after reading this book just talking by the collar it shook him and I'm okay I'm sorry

pelted him with barrettes until he gave in so I think that's a little look inside the world I live in where I look at silly books all day so congratulations to our dog zone listeners you know what I'd like to do

right now before I let you do your thing is I want to thank some sponsors do it all right I fucking dare you I'm fucking doing it I'm fucking doing it all right we have a lot of high level sponsors that are patrons

that support our work and we thank them very much for example Nick Heyman Matt Riley three finger Louis Hawk Ria Dean Costello Nick Ralston John and then Jeff Atwood are some of our hot dog Supremes and we thank you very much for your support

and we should thank some more people later in the program some of our human being Supremes our human being Supremes I think the floor is yours if you have something you'd like to share with me now that you

you're mediocre to good at karate like you ended pretty strongly you got I got a B I got B in karate like a C plus the day is young we can get a few more karate books out

I need to practice and or avoid karate and I'm just not sure which direction I'm going to take that feedback in but I thank you for giving it to me it's my pleasure okay I my turn to talk I want to talk about Fisto

Fisto is just great we love to make jokes about Fisto it's like he's only made for jokes the idea of making Fisto for some sort of unironic reason is absurd I find it fascinating from the name stage

that we make so many jokes about Fisto everybody does and like if you say it everybody will make the fisting jokes but there are plenty of heroes with like iron fist you could make a lot of jokes about iron fist not everybody makes those fisting jokes about iron fist and it's right there but for some reason you add that oh

the last part of his name and you're like yeah that guy fists that guy fists in the way that you know what I'm talking about I don't know what it is about him other than his character design is just terrifying it is just

a burly bearded man in like a bear's bikini he is made out of and somehow stolen from a bear with a one giant metal fist so the bear the bear was wearing a bikini made out of bear

right this bear is fucked in the head and he still he does start killing at least warring off a bear I bet he mans panties are made out of man too I bet that's we've stumbled upon the theme of the entire human

episode the whole structure is now laid bare before you I really I really enjoyed your fisto article it's one of my favorite things you did on the site I love it because I didn't want to watch it I watched it

thinking yeah let's find out where fisto came from and then the whole time I'm watching it thinking wow this is really strange they've done a lot of sexual innuendo and I'll get to it I'll break down what the episode is about but it's the behind the scenes

details that I found out about fisto and I've because I don't have human priorities or let's be honest a real god yeah I think we can all relate to that and I'm stuck in the house and shit I don't know I wanted to learn about

fisto so I kept going after the article was done and I found out more about the behind the scenes of fisto but first can you play I believe it's the second clip I gave you okay where it's he introduces himself

I just want to hear it what the fuck why is he telling the kid on this I think that's enough to establish the point okay oh my god that's so weird I don't remember this episode at all

I it was all new to me when I was reading your article is that nobody really remembers it and I have a feeling maybe they buried it in syndication I mean that's how I came to human it was just syndication I watched it it was years later on

fucking TBS or whatever our off brand cable channels used to be but what's so strange about the fisto audio is that you can hear when the little boy talks it's like it's not great quality because he man sound design is just all over the place it's so amazing

that they recorded it from different rooms but fisto in particular with consistency his like voice is supposed to be man screaming from the bottom of a well right he is the recorded from like two rooms over

locked in a closet and just screaming himself for it's like there's no reason he has this weird echo to win was the first fisto like did he get like whatever yes he died he died from fisting

I don't know why I think that was an intentional choice in his character design to make you just feel even more uneasy every single minute that he's on screen it's not strangely hollow right like he might be coming from nowhere

and everywhere like is fisto inside of me already is this voice coming from in me? that's probably what they're going for with fisto I just love that he meets the little boy and they're like wow you're like a real hero almost as good as he man and he's like you know what

I used to be so evil you want to hear a story of my treachery no little boy I'm no hero I'm no hero it breaks my heart to hear you think that I'm going to crush your tiny bones now with my giant metal fist

right like it's never a good sign when you start your origin story by encountering a young boy alone and in trouble like and then you pick him up and carry him away which is what fisto does first thing in the episode is just grabbing carry away a child

who has not learned his first name yet that comes afterwards oh thanks for carrying me your name is fisto and you're trying to make friends with kids I think you save that deep deep into the conversation like you don't want your kids saying

oh hey dad I met this guy he's fisto I met a nice fellow I swear to god he's really cool he's really cool he didn't do nothing he said hi he told me a story of his evil treachery and

you're all caught up dad that's really all he told me actually that was our whole interaction was he sat me down for the next 17 minutes and just really in depth described all of the crimes that he used to do right they don't train children how to deal with strangers and attorney

for shit the rest of that episode is fisto who has a spider which is never seen again he has a special spider just for this episode that shoots I'm gonna air quote this and I'm gonna get it really close to the microphone

so you can hear these air quotes webs right they're not webs this is one of those behind the scenes details that I wanted to come by and then describe to you is that I found the sight of the storyboard artist Robert Lamb

who laid out the fisto episode first of all he has the same things to say about the fisto episode what pertinent to this is that all of the storyboards at no point does this spider ever shoot what is called webs it is always called goo

I don't like that at all no it is always a white paste that is never in web form and just splashes all over like if I was working on children's feet and on he-man's hands when he's not paying attention I don't like that at all

if I was on the production side I'd say let's call the goo webs web shaped instead of like a puddle of liquid that splashes on your feet I want at least one character to call it webs and I might even have one character specified this is not ejaculate

the spider's webs and not ejaculate has gotten me trapped but no that was cut and that's weird that that was cut because in that same storyboard website it turns out fisto's forest was an absolute disaster

normally a typical episode would have about 20% retakes and fisto's forest had 75% though it was just they kept looking at it and thinking this is wrong we can't do this to children my finger on it we got a guy named fisto

telling a strange boy about his crimes an ejaculating spider I can't quite figure out what this needs to be finished on the other hand that means they went back and fixed it this is a fixed version

they had 75% retakes and they were like oh my god finally finally this feels right this is absolutely right that fisto has a weird spider that is never seen before again and also keeps alluding to past crimes

like his backstory in this episode the reason he's a criminal is never specified it's actually implied he's a criminal because people treat him like a criminal for some reason so he

he tells the girl he tells the girl you changed me because you're the first person to treat me like a real person after a mysterious crime that caused him to have to live in the woods with an ejaculating spider but they never

explain what the crime is no he never explains what the crime is it seems very reluctant to talk about it even though he also seems very compelled to introduce himself to young children it had to have been something that cut his hand off I'm not making an implication

yeah I'm making an implication because as was revealed in the article I wrote which you should have read by now if you haven't why aren't you going to 1900 hotdog and reading these amazing articles what's wrong with you what's wrong with you

I'm doing it again I'm getting aggressive again I'm just so thrown by feeling that karate test I really thought I wouldn't say you failed it your instincts are almost suicidal yeah that's yeah I'd spare that's an earned

I think that's a big part of karate I mean you've got to engage in these fights yeah I kind of want you to kill me right in an interesting way that's I want to add some whimsy to it yeah like some fucking barrettes to the head that would be a pretty interesting way to go

a doctor would say I've never seen anything like this you must be terrible at karate anyway back to back to Visto hold on I'm just going to talk about karate it's so tempting it's so hard to choose between he-man and karate why have we done this to ourselves there's no way Visto doesn't do karate

we'll get to a good segue on that but I'm not going to take it right now because I'm an amateur I'll say it again later Visto doesn't do karate but the reason I'm so suspect of this and it was really in the article

is that the guy that wrote this episode and indeed much of he-man was named Douglas Booth oh wait I'm sorry he's named Douglas Booth actual title he's an actual old money baron from like the 17th century who inherited what is apparently called

a baronetsi I've never seen and have no idea how to say that word but that sounds like a pile of money that almost sounds like Nazi yeah baronetsi it sounds like foppish and foyish enough to just it sounds so sinister

I've got so much of my money that's what I see in my little title and he came from this family and pursued his passion in cartoon writing for children and then chose to write this episode about Visto

and it's just everything about that it's like red flags stabbed into red flags so much strangeness led to this and I would like to stop making fun of him for a second now and instead thank him for apparently writing

all of our childhoods here is a list of other shows that he has written he wrote Super Friends he wrote Spider-Man and his amazing friends he's a very friendly guy he wrote For the Smurfs he wrote for Heath Cliff and the Cadillac Cats

he wrote for Transformers and and Challenge of the Go-Bots oh he did not pick sides in that battle that's crazy he wrote for G.I. Joe not G.I. Joe

disappointing accountant I hated that one he wrote for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mighty Little Pony, Mighty Max Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, X-Men Street Fighter and the Magic School Bus he wrote like an incredible line of credits

like fully half of your childhood was written by Baron Fisto but I almost exclusively make fun of it that's I think I might have written more Super Friends jokes than anyone's written about anything and the general structure

of a Super Friends joke is look how fucking stupid Super Friends is and now you know that it was written what I'm assuming is like a lightning plagued castle by a man wearing a monocle on just like a steam powered typewriter Baron Fisto

as like a pencil slave like you know some dude just had to write like 50 scripts a week and send it off to Korea by Tuesday and apparently now it's just a guy who absolutely didn't need to be doing any of this and just doing it without love and sanity

that's where 40% of your personality came from and all of your career I owe a lot to his Baron Etsy thank you, thank you Baron Etsy Baron Etsy Fisto anyway you know what I think I think Fisto would be good at

karate you know I was about to ask you do you think Fisto does karate no but his nemesis does his nemesis who did not appear in the cartoon that's why we're not playing that was named Jitsu and he was the most racist

oriental character he looks he's not supposed to be a man in yellow face but it's clearly it's clearly drawn as maybe Hulk Hogan in yellow face I think was maybe their model for this and he

was so racist that they made the toy for him and they had plans and in 1980s cartoon television they stopped and said we can't put this guy in the cartoon they made the toy for him he has a toy out

they actually stopped and had the fear that he will be perceived as a racial stereotype and they actually had the wherewithal key man had the wherewithal to say Jitsu was too racist for 80s cartoon television

that's incredible it might have been the only time in history somebody said this is too racist for 80s cartoon television I think a lot of the racial characters in 80s television were like inadvertently racist I think all it mattered was like artistic intent like if you're like

hey we're gonna put a patchy chief in the super friends it's super fucking racist but like he's a good guy okay we'll allow it you can't be racist if he's a good guy I mean yeah if he was a bad guy sure like Jitsu

would have been he would have been Visto's rival and a bad guy and I went digging for why I really wanted to find the moment that they decided I wanted to find this moment of self-awareness whoever decided that everything else in 80s cartoons

was cool that Jitsu was too far I couldn't find that moment but I did find a writer another writer doing an interview later who was asked about Jitsu and he said I'm just gonna read his quote and you can tell me when this gets problematic

okay that it's not gonna be what you think alright Jitsu was a second human generation toy that it depicted an Asian we never had Jitsu to work on until late in the series people were very nervous

about depicting minority characters lest they be taken as a harmful stereotype so Jitsu made one brief appearance and said nothing he was the victim of political correctness you must I don't like that yep there it is

you've stopped at the correct time you have hit the buzzer and landed so let me be racist yeah they pulled the racial stereotype but he was the victim of political I really wish we could have gotten that Jitsu guy in there the evil villain

the only Asian character perhaps on television a villain and looks like Hulk Hogan in yellow face and has one giant golden hand that he uses to karate chop a sex predator I really wish we could have gotten that guy on TV think of the racial stuff you get away with

in the 80s maybe it was just if you were a good guy bonanza had a guy named Hop Singh that was just full on gong smashing stereotype man but you people should be grateful we put him on TV at all totally

that's the implication that guy was making at the end of his statement it was kind of common for comic characters to have a very capable stereotype sidekick or that archetype shadow type character would always have like a driver who was a really tough Asian guy

but couldn't talk for shit would always just say weird racist stuff like oh boss I want some rice and you're like what this is not super racist but in the 40s man you could be racist as fuck it didn't matter Batman would kill Chinese people all the time

I have a panel I found it should be said specifically for being Chinese is why he killed Chinese people I would just sort of say they're just Chinese who cares I mean he didn't use the word Chinese they had different slurs back then

stuff that you'd have to look up reading 40s comics is that a racial slur or just like a discontinued food product I don't know about that's so fucking weird and there's one where Batman had disguised himself as a Chinese man so he put on yellow gloves

and I swear to God I'll never forget it that's a real thing that I can't even imagine they are it's like so it didn't even work you just got to be racist and they were like god damn it Batman it didn't hold up

like people were like hey I know you're Batman what the fuck because you didn't take off the bat suit you just put kitchen gloves on oh is that Chinese Batman we don't have a Chinese Batman the bright yellow plastic hands it feels like that's something you can fact check

as a human man you could just think back to other human men you've met and thought did they have bright yellow hands or is yellow just like a hurtful color we decided to call a person from that area of the world you know I'd check with an Asian but it's 1940s comics I've never seen one

right what am I gonna talk in alright well my bet's done so I would like for you now to play give him a hand okay that's the last one right yeah okay share my screen here I think we really navigated that racial section

with a plum sensitivity and I'm just so proud of us yeah you're welcome anytime I can give you a hand just let me know and when Fisto offers you a hand boy

that's a big offer yeah yeah yeah yeah every word choice there was fucking ludicrous and like why the laughing out loud

like oh cause my hand is big I like that he stumbled like the voice actor actually stumbled before saying that upon it and if you ever need a hand if you need like a hand just such a low confidence

delivery yeah he's really ashamed of himself I couldn't get that voice actor out of the well to sell that line there's nothing I love better than ending a bit a show perhaps a podcast

on like the freeze frame pun and then everybody laughs and you're like that just came out of fucking nowhere that's my favorite thing to do that must be the baron's thing a lot of super friends episode ended like that too like Gleek would get Jackie Chan movies ended with just a freeze

frame where they all start laughing how did freeze frame podcast how did who am I end I'm trying to think of that one like that I like who am I because has great stunts a fun premise of Jackie Chan like getting amnesia but I like that

in that movie he's named Jackie Chan and who am I which is such a perfect Jackie Chan character name because I swear to God I wouldn't have to he would start off and he'd be like I'm like how long Kevin was a standard one

Kevin Chan and then they get closer and closer to Jackie Chan every movie and finally he's just like fuck it this character is named Jackie Chan these are all just stories about Jackie Chan this is just my life like I'm just telling a story about how I went

to the store and then somebody kidnapped an Asian woman off the street and I got involved I don't know there's high stakes there's a satellite that's going to crash into a bank and it can only be stopped by like a fish that's going to beat everybody with I got to carry the fish without dropping it

and everyone's trying to kill me and I'm on stilts which is actually the plot to one of his movies I believe before we go I have one more thing I want to talk about this is another thing we that I reviewed on our very first week it's called

1001 best places to have sex in America and it was like a quick like what he called audible I had something else planned to write that week and it just didn't work out it was just the book was really stupid and dull and I was like alright I have this other sex book I'll check it out and I opened it up and it's just a gold mine

of stupidity and one of the rules I live by is you can take the number at the start of a book for example 1001 best place to have sex in America and that number turns into the percentage chance of it sucking ass so if you have 101 weapons for women

that has a 1001% chance of sucking this is a 1001% chance of sucking if you were to write a book like Brett Michaels wrote a book that was like 49 ladies I banged last week that is probably going to be good just barely probably 51%

yeah it's solid yeah and I think we can agree that picking up that book you have about a football coin if it's going to be good right yeah well I mean Brett Michaels is one of my favorite authors so yeah he's a great writer a very generous lover

I honestly think that guy would fuck 11 times a day if you let him you would have to let him who would ridiculous get at it you got to hit him in the dick with a CD case to get Brett Michaels out of there so the thing about

this book 1001 best places to have sex in America is it's written by these very square people Jennifer Hunt and Dan Barrett and they they're not an aggressively attractive couple they seem like a nice Mormon couple like you just ignore in a Costco

an unlikely sex therapist normally with a sex therapist you sort of think like like a sexy person or just sort of an outrageous caricature like a doctor drew or a doctor Ruth or something like like a silly character that doesn't make you think about sex but you'll take advice

about it right you got to be one end of the spectrum and the other if you're just like some guy then it gets like what are you lowering me into where's the van and these people look like they don't fuck like they probably make love

a few times a month yeah they've I don't think these people have ever boo to making love sometimes if the mood hits you right this is not a book for that though the thing about this book is so much of it is just reworded

toilets they went through a thousand one places to have sex and very technically changed a tiny detail so it'll be like have sex in the bathroom have sex in a hotel bathroom have sex in a restaurant bathroom have sex in an airport bathroom so they're just checking things off

desperately trying to get to the fucking end of 1001 which they didn't have to choose they could have fucking said nine places to have sex in America and fucking they couldn't have written a nice book you would have a 91% chance of that being a good book according to the system I invented today

which to be fair every example you've given has checked out right all those are great spots just right about the nine toilets you fucked in but the other thing about it is you you can sort of do the math in your head and realize that they couldn't have possibly

tested all these things they have to be just wildly speculating which on a thousand one best places to have sex in America say you fuck three times a day then you can write this book in about a year but three times a day is a pretty tolerated say you fuck just once a day

this is a three to four year research project right there's a lot of travel time involved in some of these some of these are like in a national park really specific like you gotta go to Vegas you gotta go to Paris I'm sure that

in a different location can add some sort of a memorable aspect to your fucking but it's I can't imagine rating it on some sort of a scientific scale which they do every single entry has a best position rating pros and cons

not to mention god I need to find their their answer key they rate them on ecstasy factor, calorie burn kink level and risk so it has the calorie burn that's science that's also really inconsistent you know what I mean

and here's the thing I found in the book is that it's provably wrong in several obvious ways like sometimes it's like have sex by a pool, have sex in a pool and having sex by the pool burns more calories than in the pool I'm like that just can't be possible

you're doing more stuff to not die while you're having sex in the pool again I'm just bragging that I did so well in fourth grade but the book doesn't fourth grade pool sex that's my favorite all day in a fourth grade pool sex party

alright okay we'll cut that one okay okay so here's I'm going to introduce a new segment and it is called Sean Baby's Book Game and the great thing about Sean Baby's Book Game is it has a theme song so let me cue up this theme

song and you are going to play it Mr. Brockway book game Sean Baby's Book Game that is the theme song to Sean Baby's Book Game now how we play this game

invented specifically for this book 1001 best places to have sex in America so familiar it's very familiar how we play this it's like horse penis which is the same number of letters as horse

oh my god that's breaking news yes you need to get those letters and the only way to get those letters is to land on a spot in this book that is not a toilet now you're not allowed to pick any number within 50

of the last number you pick and you have three lives if you hit three toilets you have died and your karate has failed you again I don't know if I can take another karate failure so I'm hanging on to life by my teeth

you need to pick a number between one and one thousand and one and you don't want to hit toilets and you need to get five that aren't toilets and let's see if it's possible if Dan and Jennifer maybe they just fucking too many restrooms for this to be possible but let's see

alright I'm going to start off with strategy number one oh very very wise surely they don't fucking a toilet right off you really got a segue into toilet fucking you got yourself a P because number one is on the roof

under the stars this has a very high kink level which doesn't seem accurate it feels very square and ordinary to me that feels like teen romance yeah it feels like lovey like if you're watching a movie and a couple was looking at the stars

and you're like oh my god what a weird kinky movie one of them is going to poop on the other one the cons are if you have a really steep roof line this could be quite dangerous especially if you drink too much so don't fall off the fucking roof

you know they say warnings are only there because somebody's done it I think somebody fell off the roof in the course of this book I don't think this book has been researched at all if these people fucked twice during the production of this book I would be shocked we're going to have to find that out

we're going to have to research that hit me again you have a P you're giving me a number you can't pick anywhere within 50 917 okay okay come on no toilet

no toilets straight fucking stop big lick Kentucky that's all it says it says his turn again best position is games on or standing oral so big lick Kentucky

so it looks like the last hundred are just the names of cities that sound silly so you're going to drive to a perverse city just to fucking it you drive to that city you fucking the city and then they don't even rate the calories

they're just like they're just trying to push through to the end of the book automatic sex that must be if you actually follow through it well we've fucked in fuck Michigan do you love me anymore cool

we still got 74 places to fuck on to hell hell Kentucky so you got yourself an E and they got themselves an entry legally that does count as one of the 1001 places to have sex

so congratulations to Dan and Jennifer imagine buying this book and of course you will see you have three lives left you still need three more letters okay I can do this give me another number this is tough

666 give me the devil's number that's got to be a non toilet thing they're going to do something cute fucking fun in an igloo congratulations congratulations you've got a third letter this has threw away the entire

an egg oh this is great it explains what a fucking igloo is an igloo is basically a small dome built with blocks of hardened snow ideally you'll find an igloo that's already been built if not you're going to have to keep that boner up in strenuous conditions for a

very long time that one of the pros is you'll stay relatively warm in the igloo compared to the outside of the igloo I suppose that's true you won't freeze to death if you have to build your own igloo you may be too exhausted to have sex

maybe in the morning you'll have the energy to enjoy the fruits of your labor because everyone loves the smell of someone who's gone to bed in an igloo covered in igloo sweat making up and just having morning breath body odor sex and it's had just a really rough night's sleep

in the freezing wilderness a little blubber and let's be clear that thing has collapsed you fucking don't know how to build an igloo you didn't build the igloo well your plane just crashed you're trying to survive you're not going to get fucked in that igloo but three out of five kink factor

five out of five calorie burning well yeah the cold I'll give it I'll give you that one so congratulations to you on your three letters you might get through this without a single toilet 720 here we go 720

come on, come on at the top of the Sears tower in Chicago you have a PENI enjoy your love for looking the skyline of Chicago Illinois the pros are you get to experience the incredible view while you orgasm

I just don't think you're going to get to climax before you're kicked out by one of the thousands of tourists first of all there's a lot of people there it's like a ball a high stress scenario if you manage to fuck in front of like 85 tourists

many of which are children on educational field trips any orgasm in front of that you need to die in prison it's only four out of five kink factors I think that might be where the kink comes from is that there's probably some children and maybe relatives watching but the coins aren't

I think that's sort of where they throw the crime stuff because the other four don't have anything to do with crime crime's a kink, sure I think so shit, where am I going for my last one it does mention that it is a public place so you have to wait for the right time and find the exact right place

and then just orgasm within the 30 seconds go to town, yeah, just go after it quick just one more and you will win Sean Baby's book game I kind of don't want to win without getting at least one toilet though that's just not good comedy

what's a good toilet number man what is a toilet number I'm honestly shocked it's more than 20% toilet in this book so statistically you should have hit one by now well I started off with a really good strategy yeah, you only have yourself to blame

you did not attack this in a gentlemanly way I'm not saying you're cheating but you're strategically playing not in the spirit of the game alright, how about I can't think of a good toilet number I was going to say 69

because they would have done it but if they're not taking the devil's number they're not going to take that bait either you're right, 69 is not a toilet it's a co-closet but we're not going to count that one we're going to win at fair and square alright, let's follow your instincts toilet, you have to run out

kind of late in the game I don't think too late in the game because then you were just naming places so I think 814 is prime toilet spot that is 814 under a church pew whether you're religious or not

there's something sexy and definitely forbidden about having sex underneath a church pew well yes, they do not want you there's not something forbidden about there's like a law it would be pretty repulsive to literally anyone who finds you doing this

or finds the aftermath of this, like if someone sees like a puddle of fluids and determines that someone has had sex here no one's going to be happy about that they'll think, what unspeakable people did this and then, that's part of it

you go to church afterwards the pros are, it's forbidden it's lusty, what's not to love well shit, how about my prize for winning is you give me one of the toilet entries okay, let me just go back a page and find let's see

there's no toilet on that page they're also strange like pet cemetery I think that's a strange one come back to life do you know what I swish the reason there's no toilets in the section we're in is called the most sacrilegious places

to have sex and so I guess the toilets are just now that's what they're for, is to fucking a toilet yeah, I don't know karate but I do know penis let's see that seems like a freeze frame moment I was hoping it would just happen

I was hoping if I could find that moment in life I think I was just too I'm too entranced by this book just like the first time I picked it up the thing about these absurd books is I sometimes kind of have to dig to find what makes them crazy and this book is just so nakedly crazy

every fucking syllable I did land on 606 in the ladies room I took them 605 to think of this we just fucking lit this bathroom have we qualified the bathroom with ladies room yet I don't care Dan

just fucking put it down I'm so tired of working on this book with you my vagina is sore from having sex several times talk about a team project that would just ruin our relationship almost any building IKEA furniture will ruin your relationship why did you think you could find

1,000 places to fucking you survived personally I've been in so many toxic relationships where the only thing we have is physical chemistry and I wouldn't write this systematically devise a system for

ruining our sexual chemistry and then let's just at the end when they wrote the last word on this book they went yep never gonna see you again right well they did take down their website they had a website called askdanagenifer.com and the book claims

that they were very popular youtubers but I found no trace of them on the internet really and their website I think might still be them but it's just sells dildos and like dick creams and stuff it's the most generic like sex it's just Dan it's Dan with like a Jennifer blow up doll

that he's named Jennifer he just cries we once had sex a thousand one times to write a book we fucking big lit Kentucky still I can't use the bathroom without thinking of you babe I I did mention this one

in the article 574 is in the kitchen wearing a sombrero and slathered in refried beans and soured cream so like lol so random lol so random right like what the fuck it pisses me off so bad that

this whole book has sort of an air of like whimsy like oh we're kind of this is a little bit silly and then there's one that's just like let's just fucking make some dumb shit up like what a hilarious joke it'll be like we're fucking at an alien spaceship oh my god so random this one's in the back of the police car

well yeah you'd have to this is very culturally sensitive you'd have to fuck in the back of the police car after fucking in the church and on the Sears tower you're just like Batman villains 571 is in the back of a police car hop in the back and have some criminal sex

while your friend the cop drives with the sirens on and handcuff each other to the car you'll have to have a good connection to make this one happen but it'll be great fun throws you're gonna have sex in a car do it right in the police car cons finding the cop who's willing to play along

right yeah like what a fucking fictional world they live in that like why not just throw it in the book maybe they'll know a cop that wants to watch them fuck I'll throw away my career and everything I've worked for my life to have you stain my back seat

let's not let's let's be clear the friendship is gonna take it's gonna get a little strained imagine the pair of networking trying to find that cop coding up to every cop they say you're doing a really good job we just wanted to thank you for your service

I noticed you're letting a smoke weed here how do you feel about sex crimes I'm not on the clock okay we want to fucking your car while you have the siren on no that would be on the clock then wouldn't it let me let me share my screen

again because I'm gonna play the theme song I've worked very very hard on and congratulations Robert Brockway on winning the first ever Sean baby's book just dominating 5 out of 5

I think people will absolutely forget your lukewarm karate performance book game Brockway's book game took that fucking song from you you can have it I got everything I needed out of it so let's thank some more sponsors

I think it's time to call it a podcast thank you for doing this with me and I hope it helps people understand a little more about the insane products that you and I work with on a day-to-day basis I want to thank Yanis

Ionitis, that's a very difficult name I think I got it right John McCammon, Armando Nava, Lyman Polly Poiswo Starfan, I don't know that one Micah Phillips, Neil Schaefer Jaibre Eiden, David Fornoff the artist formerly known as Devin Eric Spalding

Toasty God, Neil Bailey Josh Fabian, Michael Love, Cale Block Zach Harrison, Brienne Whitney, Timmy Lehi Ethan Rangel, Mike Stiles and Aiden Mouet we got through them all, thank you very much to all our hot dog supreme sponsors truly, you are better human beings

than any other human being and should immediately start behaving like that oh, that's the signal that's the signal of dog barking memes it's time to go send us home it's perfect

alright, bye hot dog people, stay hot dog you