The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 109, The Game of Good Sex With Hana Michels

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

Seanbaby is your Sexmaster for Dr. Ruth's The Game of Good Sex! The only and perfect cohost on this journey through the world of 1980s fucking? Brockway! The only and perfect guest to shatter every single terrible rule in here? Hana Michels! Oh no, we landed on premature ejaculation!

One nine hundred hot dog. Hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power

you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on. You got the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog.

One nine zero zero zero. Yeah. Nine thousand. Welcome to the dog zone nine thousand. The official podcast for one nine hundred hot dog. Dot com home of noted garbage archaeologist shot baby the internet's me

and my zone partner Robert Brockway. I'm Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. I fuck like splash the whale and I won't answer follow up questions with words. Oh hell yeah. We are joined

by the most dangerous guest in hot dog podcasting comedy writer Garfield Crafter and life coach the Madeleine of Mayhem Hannah Michaels. The first two things cancel out the third. I'm glad you noticed

I actually put them in that order because I thought that'd be funny. Where can people find your stuff? I'm unfortunately still on Twitter at H-A-N-A-M-I-C-H-E-L-S I have an Etsy but it's taking a break right now because I got

a bunch of life coaching clients because I'm officially a nepo baby. Yay. Your mother's a life coach? My parents are both therapists and a documentary came out about their my dad's like partner in this weird

methodology that he does and I'm one of the only people trained in that methodology. Oh. Okay, and now you're plugging this document what's this documentary? It's called Stutz I don't know it's fun I mean it captures him but it's like fine. It's called Stutz? Yeah.

STUTZ it's just nothing. Less interested than I was a second ago but still interested. I come from a long line of jiggalos and our movie is called Stutz

if you want to check out Stutz on should be on Netflix. Better be with a Z. We should do a plug for our website while we're doing the plug stuff. We are brought to you ad free by us the men and women of 1900hotdoc.com

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we don't want that. You know, TikTok doesn't want that. No, they don't. I love the idea of not promoting like just never telling anybody to go to my website ever again would be fucking lovely. Oh yeah. Yeah, the best thing I ever did is add a print and

I'm relieved. Well, if only we could hire somebody whose job it was to do that. But yet I hate and don't respect all of those people whose jobs it is to do that. Huh. Hmm.

Hmm. I gotta chew on this for a bit. Speaking of chewing on things today we are playing Dr. Ruth's Game of Good Sex. Oh hell yeah. This is an untouched relic of 1985. This box was opened for the first time yesterday.

I do want to go over some of the rules. It's very easy. Oh my god. This is a real game. This is a real game. When you pitched it to me I assumed you made it up. No. No. Okay, so this is like when my boyfriend discovered that he moved

into a place with a untouched Star Trek murder mystery dinner that we played and slowly realized the people who had created the murder mystery dinner had never seen Star Trek. That is great.

Yeah, but Dr. Ruth has fucked. I would think maybe they've never seen maybe the people who made it have never seen Dr. Ruth fuck, which I would believe. Yeah. I guess we should talk about Dr. Ruth because she is like from a relic of a past time.

She was a German-American. My mom loves Dr. Ruth. I feel like everyone knew who she was at the time. She was probably in every issue of Mad Magazine 12 to 13 times. Her and Dee Snyder were like just these characters

that every Mad Magazine writer was like let's show these public figures. So we all knew who she was. She was a very small woman, very non-sexual. She kind of looked like Harvey Keitel and a feathered wig and she

had a chirpy little voice and a funny accent so it was a real safe sexual figure because it was hard to picture her having sex. Obviously Robert does a lot but for the rest of America we were like she just seemed like a real chaste educator.

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Friendly sex grandma. Right, not like Ina Gardner where she's like talking about putting that pot roast in the oven and you're like oh this lady fucked 12 times during the filming of this shoot. Okay, so

I want to talk about the board. Like the body of a woman the board is for concentric ovals of increasing eroticism and we start on the outside track called isn't it romantic? And as things get hotter you'll move into mood, then it's preliminaries

and finally the act. It's called the act because yes, because it's about fucking. It's like the Frank clinical married kind of fucking, not the fun kind. The audience for this game was clearly like a group of square adults

having a disgusting board game night not a group of college kids trying to spark an orgy. So the object as you may have guessed is to successfully fuck like the body of a man each side has a row of squares these squares will keep track of you and your partners arousal points

arousal points of what they sound like I'm sure you don't have any questions so let's move on. I'm familiar with AP in my games. We're going to move on to the subject of partners. This game is not meant for solo players and Hannah and Robert you are not on a team. So you will each need to recruit a partner

for a stack of random trading cards I had next to my long and open copy of Dr. Ruth's game of good sex. So each of you needs to open a browser and get a die six generator so we can I think Google just do it

or if you have a dice roller Roll one D6. If you keep a pouch of dice with you you may open your dice pouch now. Listeners at home go ahead as well. That's excellent. Now give me one more roll. You have a choice.

So Brockway we're selecting we need one more roll from you Brockway. One more roll I got a come on why do you have to render the dice because this seems a bit like it. Fuck you modern internet. I got a six.

Okay one two three four five six. Your choices are Jordan Knight of the New Kids in the Block the late great heavy D in the boys from a yo MTV raps card they would all in the boys. Okay heavy D in the boys is your heavy D in the boys my boys

my natural fuck partners this is ahead of a normative game so they'll be playing the part of your female lover congratulations to them to the surviving members of heavy D in the boys. Okay Hannah your turn. I got a one and a four.

One and a four okay these are great choices. The first one is from a set of Americana trading cards the great Omar Bradley the American general who we named tanks after and you can choose between him or Prince Adam

from the hit show He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Oh gotta go with Prince Adam. All right Prince because you know I have never seen He-Man but but you're in it for a nasty surprise Prince Adam does not fuck he he very he's the opposite

of fuck he looks like he should he's on the giant cat with a mask and you're like oh that guy's not fucking that cat in the perfect mask that hey that's He-Man that's not we're talking about Prince Adam really good point there yeah okay I'm googling

here yeah he definitely Prince Adam does not that's the metaphor of that show 100% yes every time he goes to the bedroom it's time to fuck he turns into He-Man and it's also his cat his frightened cat if you could turn into He-Man

and your sex partner wanted you to stay as Prince Adam that's Skeletor you're being sex tricked by Skeletor he's gonna steal your libido and he's gonna turn it into slime oh I see he's like He-Man's Clark Kent yeah yes he's got like a pink shirt

so no one knows he's like oh you took off your sex harness it seems impossible somehow more of a virgin than Clark Kent right that yeah okay because it's a magical transformation

Clark Kent is a deception Prince Adam is like like a totally different guy that's true that's true his He-Man grows back every time so these are your partners now the instructions are four pages long and honestly could probably be condensed to a tenth of that

you fucking roll dice there are no decisions on which direction to go there's one kind of point as I mentioned and you sometimes read from cards there is one part of the instructions I do want to read to you though accidents the male's arousal marker moves up his arousal track more quickly than the females

if the male's arousal maker that's a typo not to be reading it wrong goes beyond the last box number 22 on the arousal track he has an accident in quotes his arousal marker well no hold on my cats are hearing this right now

and they look very confused there's premature ejaculation mechanic built into this board game it is a fundamental central gameplay element yes that's why we took your balls the female partner cannot have an accident and stays in the red section

the act of her arousal track indefinitely unless she loses arousal points during the course of play that will happen this was made by wow she never gets to come there's a mechanic that prevents her from ever coming

and there's a premature amazing I think we all know that women can just ejaculate when necessary like you know how like you're having sex with a woman and you're like wait save it save it for the exact right time and the whole everyone works together to make sure it's perfectly

timed and that's how it works for me anyway so now should your partner premature ejaculate I'm talking about Prince Adam and heavy D and the boys which seems very likely they'll get replaced by another trading card lover so that's just

that's the rules and now I'm going to play the intro to Dr. Ruth's good sex show to get us started again yes hello I'm Larry Angelo hi Dr. Ruth hello Larry there we go

very erotic so um let's see Hanna you'll be playing the white pond and roll to go and we'll just get started okay is it just a D6 throughout

yep just a D6 I got a four again I think this dice roller likes fours okay you got scratch his back and that gives him one arousal

point so Prince Adam very aroused not very aroused a little bit aroused and um that's your turn so Brockway your turn to go Prince Adam whimpers and asks you to stop but he doesn't mean it I have dry skin

I feel it under my nails this is like a problem I'm doing the math here and that means I can't see a doctor if you were to scratch Prince Adam's back 22 times he would ejaculate that's the math on that

beast man beast man if you want to defeat he-man that just scratches back until he does the he-man gif face I got a one okay one goose him

two male erotic arousal points excuse me huh wait okay so this is not like the I think you should leave definition of goose this is like grab I I think

you're not giving him like above suits you're grabbing his butt a little goose yeah see the buff suit would be two arousal points I don't know about the pinches butt for two arousal points I don't think

I don't think this science is sound I feel like painting a butt is negative could if you were surprising them and they were a stranger yes but if you're if they're like you're walking around the house and you scratch Prince Adam's back you're like all right

they know you're like I don't know if what if he has PTSD like Dave has to walk around the house and let me know if he's behind me and about to like do something right he thinks of me as a horse in order to do that I'm just realizing some things

back to horse play again okay this may be more of a problem than I thought I thought it was just a mechanic to be like okay don't startle the thing that might kick you now I'm thinking okay I think Dr. Ruth would be very proud that after just one round of her

game you're already having like huge epiphanies about your sex life I yep and the horses she'd be down with the horse thing too well it's your turn now Hannah and hopefully you land on something the horse and also this is

technically Prince Adam's turn so let's keep that in mind all right if we draw a card he will be answering six slow massage move ahead three spaces okay and you got

kiss her ear so Prince Adam has kissed your ear and it has given you two arousal that horse sound shut them way off the edge of the board six arousal points

all right broccoli it's a tough round to beat now I'm rolling his heavy D in the boys yes this is heavy D in the boys taking their turn another one okay rolling critical fails candlelight dinner

candlelight dinner between you and heavy D in the boys now you each got one arousal point for that and I draw an interaction card so you order you got mutual orgasm we play this card immediately

you and your partner each gain three arousal points so that's pretty good we only get three arousal points for a mutual orgasm yeah the butt is two I'm not sure I think it's like a parabolic scale

I guess the point is you and heavy D had you mutually orgasmed over a candlelight dinner handlessly using eye contact phone which is the equivalent of ghosting him and scratching his back

if I had done that exact same thing that would be just as many arousal points as mutually orgasming correct gotcha all right so Hannah it's your turn now and this is you not Prince Adam okay two two oh you got to

ask Dr. Ruth cards let me pull this now a good podcast producer would have staged these so they're all funny I did not do that so we might get some some duds I get some time in her time in the war stories okay I was

I was that's true she was a Holocaust survivor I do know that they can take a real dark turn I was worried about nothing here's your question a man it's a true or false a man might object if his partner bites his penis accidentally in the passion

of the moment I object broccoli object let me hear the objection don't do that sustained but still answer the question true or false true or false a man might object

to getting his dick bit by human teeth I mean by human teeth that is true if you don't think on horse rules don't go to horse rules it is correct true the pain

can kill the passion congratulations to everyone on getting that right that gives you two arousal points and you can spend them any way you like your female track has two and your male track has one

I'll do one of each okay conservative play broccoli mutually orgasming play I see heavy D and the boys and you are looking pretty pretty happy with each other

this is a very very sexual relationship we couldn't even get through a dinner it's my turn yes your turn three alright one two three dancing in the dark

that's one arousal point for the man but two arousal points for the lady Bruce Springsteen gets one arousal point one I mean two for the lady okay but you're telling me

the guy the guy in this relationship who was it was me just me is one turned on for Bruce Springsteen heavy D and the boys love Bruce Springsteen twice as much as you that's what we've just proven we're learning so much today uh huh that's your turn and this

Prince Adams role if I if I remember alright let's do it three three hard for the ball you're not gonna play this you got goose him again quit okay quit doing that you got one move Prince one was cute

so congratulations on the very rare double goose Brock waits your turn I got a four one two three four call them at the office just gave them an arousal point

just not even about anything sexual just just like all of my experience of dating men negates this but okay yeah I don't like that agree call just to chat yeah what what the fuck we gotta

record the new album like it's either just a chat or something's wrong with the dog either way not an arousal point well heavy D no you disagree I guess heavy D and the boys I do disagree thank you for agreeing

with me about my disagreement but there's a white dot on that I don't need to be interrupted with when I'm you know in someone's confidential moment or painting a face on Garfield for the billionth fucking time okay you can

interrupt me then right well speaking of interruptions this is an oops car is it okay so this is a car that Brock and heavy D and the boys will use against you and Prince Adam they play it at any time

and I play it right now okay then Hannah you lose five arousal points you can split it up between you and Prince Adam however you want uh fuck yeah you have four I made you come against your will you have three and Prince Adam has four

so how do you want to take those off uh I will take three off him two off of me all right see I didn't realize this was a mechanic I didn't realize it worked on Dick Fight Island I'm all the way in then

fantastic all right Hannah it's your turn uh all this math is so hot okay hell yeah that's what Prince Adam says to me okay oh candlelight dinner that's one point for each of you and an interaction card

your interaction card is sexual boredom uh you and your partner it's too much using you and your partner lose three arousal points you can split up as you wish that do we even have three you have taken you up

you have screwed up that come and putting it back in you wish no matter how you do it uh Prince Adam's getting knocked off the bar board so it's time to find you another trading card lover so let's roll a

six five two three four five oh you're gonna like this this card says move it or lose it and it is the A team van you are now in a relationship

with the A team van oh fuck that's better than Airwolf yes so congratulations uh Brockway it is your turn much better part you're now losing worse than anyone I've ever seen lose god damn it yeah

I don't know I'm in a sexual relationship with the A team van heavy D and the boys is pretty oh no no A team van alright I got a three three one two three massage session uh

three points for the male two points for the female man heavy heavy D's getting into this I'm getting heavy D's goat here what are my what are my totals uh let's see you have eleven

uh heavy D has eight oh shit I'm gonna gotta prematurely ejaculate on heavy D and the boys you got a massage and got three points which is the same number of points you got when you came together during your candlelight dinner so I think the masseuse

do not agree with your science I think what I'm saying is like the masseuse got you off heavy D is gonna find out about it uh but you got an interaction card there's a white dot on that space okay earthquake play immediately

all players lose one arousal point wait this is just a literal earthquake an earthquake happened in the middle of this board game about fucking hell disaster also I feel like sorry

better than tornadoes sorry just saying the earth is literally vibrating you get to say is the earth moving or is that just uh no we gotta get to safety any game can translate that into like va va boom

so you're gonna lose natural disasters in I lived through Northridge it was fun I have some more bad news for you you don't have a point to spare to find a new trading card a shit roman lets do a one die six

rockwell you have to decide whether heavy D and the boys are you lose the arousal point are you taking the arousal point from you or from heavy D and the boys from me my sweet sweet fan every time I fuck this

just like a witch or something I gotta get out of here go right through the wall honey you gotta roll a one die six and see who your next lover is four four oh this is interesting another Americana card

Booker T. Washington great educator not the peanut guy that's your fucking rebound 18 van knows what's happening here 18 van knows how you're dealing with this breakup brings with him a very very quiet sad

dignity yeah to the game that's how I was gonna say that's how my sex life that's too alright let's see the zahana's turn that really that earthquake really

really disrupted this whole game yeah seems that way alright rolling the dice dice six one two three four five six oh you got ask

Dr. Ruth okay here we go uh oh my god these are these are all okay here we go the aphrodisiac Spanish fly has received its bad reputation because it should be administered

to men instead of to women true or false what is Spanish fly uh I don't I think as the question get around not allowed to like answer questions from the question

am I allowed to use google I would feel that's very comethical it's a little fly in a plastic ice cube that you get from a novel yeah I understand you just watched a van die no you cannot google

the you can't cheat and answer this with google you just have to follow your gut it doesn't have a bad reputation because it's meant for men but people give it to women I'm gonna say that is not the reason it has a bad reputation

you're right yeah it is a dangerous irritant and should never be used by either sex I understand so that is two arousal points where would you like to distribute them

one each okay and Brock waits your turn sorry Booker T I know you've got more important shit to do but I'm having a wonderful time Hanna it sure beats being

enslaved by slave owners I don't have a joke here maybe we'll maybe we'll get you a new lever and cut all the Booker T Washington stuff alright I got a four alright

one two three four and you're moving in to the next oval you're officially in the mood entering the next oval touch me there's what the space says let me look closer and it's just a roll again touch me there

roll again okay I got a three okay one two three go to bed angry you and heavy D that's fucking hot each lose two points

yes yes that's not we're doing this wrong I thought it was sexy go to bed angry well not to heavy D functional romance Hanna it's your turn okay

I got six six one two three four five six a glass of wine you and Booker T Washington each get one arousal point congratulations this is very problematic

Rockway your turn yeah I feel like I gotta get another fucking tornado in here and not Booker T Washington off the board to the good old podcast I got a six alright one two three four five six

tender touching two points for you and two points for heavy D and the boys and you get an interaction card it is another oops card that you can play on Hanna to make her lose five arousal points

that would push heavy D or that would push Booker T Washington off the board I will take that bullet for the podcast yeah let's knock him out of there okay so thank you for your service to this country

I want to say this as clearly as possible Booker T Washington has prematurely ejaculated and has been eliminated from the board game he has lost according to Dick Fight Island rules and he will not be leading this tribe okay Hanna we need to roll a die six

for your new partner oh man this is going I was gonna say great for me but actually this is going about as good as my actual life has gone up until you mathematically could not be in a worse position

okay this will turn things around I feel like that van was better than most of my actual partners the one that got away think back playing the part of your male lover is lace

the American gladiator oh shit that's another good one oh fuck she is hot like crazy she was the one who like had like the really done up hair yeah she was a real beauty

I don't think she was the best gladiator I don't think she recruited her from like athletic well she was probably fitness model but you know Zapp was the one that was just fucking rip your head off anyway lace fantastic sex partner I can vouch

obviously um so uh and Hauna it's your turn alright and I'm sorry about your string of bad luck with lovers one alright

here we go like I said life was way worse at least I got to be a part of history so you went back three spaces but that landed you on massage session which again is

three for the male and two for the female so congratulations and you get an interaction we both get fucked or it's a heteronormative game so I'm the male now yes no no you're the female laces playing the part of the male

ah okay and so um yeah I mean you can role play a little I think that'd be fine I mean I I honestly don't care for my cover at this point they all just blur together

after the after the A team van it's all just it's filling a space it's kind of piqued well uh you're gonna like this you got the belly dance card we play this immediately the male partner gains one arousal point lace really likes

your moves are you a good belly dancer in the real life I feel like I can do the flippy thing but not the dancing so no I have the

you know like there's a wave the little hip shake down your yeah kind of but oh I thought there was actual flips I was like oh shit I gotta watch some belly dancing but now I mean I don't think so it's probably hard to move around

in the saddle I imagine yeah I mean don't tell team and I said that I don't think that was appropriate at all having Booker T Washington premature ejaculate your podcast really like what's up your calibration of what's appropriate

it's fine it's mostly just backing up having the A team van die in an earthquake really shook me we're really fucked up today okay Brock wins your turn all right I got a 2

okay 2 oh you're gonna love this tickle fight oh hell yeah tickle fight heavy D in the boys I would not want to do that in real life no points nobody got aroused by this but you get a roll again no what no

really it was a non erotic like aggressive competition tickle you're not gonna make me laugh to the death I say all right I got a five

one two three four five sexual demands heavy D in the boys lose one arousal point aww I demand that you take this fight sexually huh that's your turn all right

one again call her call her the wrong name what did I say trace ace Mr. T what did I say you said the A team van

this is lace who called you I couldn't even stop myself I called you turbo she called you Gemini uh okay so lace called you Gemini and it has really turned you off you down to one arousal point god damn it Brock wait it's your turn

all right I got a three all right one two three you got an ask dr. Ruth card here we go I'll draw the card it is true or false it is possible for men to produce milk from their nipples

well that's true baby that's false a man cannot produce milk it may be possible for a woman who has never had a baby however game is incorrect in 1985 titty technology men have to go by the card I don't want to be George Costanza

I had surfers in 1985 and you can milk a surfer I think everyone understands that you can you can the the the I guess friction I think in in Hungary they called point break

squirting knockers seaside I mean I was just thinking there weren't a lot of out trans guys at the time so I'm going to surfers oh I see yeah you're right that's a sys header normative when I played dr. Ruth games and I'm just like oh yeah people other than me

exist but yeah some some men can can make milk obviously so give me that give me that point back I'm gonna I'm getting you some arousal points heavy D is very aroused by the knowledge you get two points to distribute however you want

what are the points at heavy D and 10 on yourself give I'm mutually assured orgasm so let's give him the heavy D okay all right how about your turn all right

one what is happening with this dice generator a glass of wine that's one point for each of you I'll take it oh they spilled spilled her wine all over her

American flag bikini oh she better take it off and wash it Rockaway your turn sorry that was just for me I enjoyed it yeah that was for all of us I got another three all right sex clinic we haven't got this one yet

sex clinic that's the way I got some aging so this one you have to answer this problem in the way Dr. Ruth might case number 13 I'm 73 and have been seeing a woman my age we're both widowed

we've just begun a relationship and I feel guilty about our lovemaking we have sex three times a week are we doing the right thing are they doing the right thing by fucking that's the question posed to you Dr. Ruth

uh hell yeah so hell yeah son Dr. Ruth suggests you're both consenting us and should continue your relationship if it brings you pleasure uh so yeah

hell yeah son so that gives you three points to distribute however you want uh two heavy deem one to me let's get that uh let's get that uh yeah you're you're right in sync

all right all right I'm trying a new virtual dice roller here and the mechanics are not great six though all right then um one two and that's gonna move you into the inner circle

three four five you got an ask Dr. Ruth all right um uh uh a woman who cries out during sex is sure to have had

an orgasm true or false uh I'm gonna go with a lifetime of false that's correct making noises during sex is an individual preference fucking game

so that gives you two points to distribute however you want uh one each okay you and Lyser are very happy yay uh but her screams do not necessarily indicate

orgasm she could be just getting pumped for the next round uh all right uh rock with your turn uh three one two three zipper gets stuck

oh god now yes how many points you lose one three you fucking tore some of that dick off yes uh oh shit that's some real something about Mary's style

zipper stuck uh Hannah your turn four one two three four okay remove his clothes oh that is plus three four lace

fuck yeah let's do this all right rock with your turn I actually know how to remove a sports bra I'm the one five you put your foot in the center of her lower back and you

you crank it right she'll respect that one come on as an American gladiator you have a term for that that's unbridled uh all right five

okay one two three four five oh you got a sex clinic uh I am a 19 year old woman attending college in upstate New York and I think I'm gay my roommate who is openly lesbian and I have been in love for several months

what should I do I can fuck the shit out of her son that's my doctor Ruth again oh my god uh the the correct answer was get your own room next

semester before a sexual relationship begins otherwise even if it doesn't work out you'd still have to live together that is the least lesbian answer I've ever heard uh yeah that doesn't also true like you're in college you're not gonna

work out fair uh I I I think the premise was a little flawed if she's like been in love with this woman for like several months and they still haven't like had sex I feel like it's not real question

you think that's a real person this is the 80s right oh yeah I guess you're right this is 85 just worrying about getting stoned to death yeah possible sure it's possible I can't give you any points though I mean I went to Syracuse they're they're they're a little

far they're a little backwards there okay we didn't even say the college did she upstate New York upstate New York we all know where that is yeah yep lesbian college so when I went to LSU

okay uh uh Hanna your turn five alright one two three four five oh no

oh no oh no yeast infection okay Hanna you lose two points what was it strangely enough laced is not I feel like uh

that's troubling just like you sure let's have sex I have a yeast infection that does not change my interest in this at all discomfort does nothing to just wait

look baby it doesn't increase I'm just saying it also doesn't decrease just I'm good to go whatever you gotta do okay Brock wait it's your turn um now that we're all 0.6 Booker T Washington okay

one two three four uh go to bed angry okay okay but the sexy way this time actually uh you hit the arrow to move into the other oval so now you're in

the inner oval which means you didn't go to you got it no we did we did you might depending on what the question is um okay uh true or false a man can learn how to insert a diaphragm into a woman true

true not only can it be enjoyable but many couples do this to make the use of contraception a part of sexual intimacy so congratulations you have two points to distribute however you want to you and heavy is where are we at what is our what is our cum meter

uh heavy these at 11 you're at an eight I give them both to me it's all about me oh yeah very aroused by the diaphragm it's two hands let's get going all right how about your turn all right uh

five one one two three four five oh zipper got stuck again why is it so devastating why is the zipper three times as devastating as an earthquake

I can't answer that um but lace is still in the green she's she's doing okay well some game designer never nearly lost their brother in an earthquake well you did lose the 18 van he died in that earthquake

oh that's a worse loss that's it hurts me to think about it 18 van believes we landed on the moon that's true I bet if you asked the 18 van it would fucking tell you get out of here with that conspiracy

salutes the moon every night uh Brock wait it's your turn give me a five one two three four five ask dr. Ruth damn I'm talking to this lady a lot thank you bar

she gets sick of answering my calls the nocturnal the nocturnal the nocturnal pinout to mescence monitor is a portable machine that counts the number of erections a man has while he is asleep true or false npm hell yeah those that's

it's like rpm npm that's that's legit true it is used to determine whether emotional or medical problems are behind a problem with impotence this was on sex in the city 46 npm congratulations that's two points to distribute

why does that turn me off how are we playing with that heavy D loves knowledge synced to like an alarm that goes off so she can run in so heavy D and the boys can just bust through the wall like the Kool-Aid man

it's time to jag off how do you want to distribute those points one of each yeah sure I want to keep I want to keep us even because as Hannah just steam rolls through an endless parade of partners that die or leave to various tragedies

I want to mechanically break this game so that we mutually orgasm perfect that's the victory I want all right Hannah that's the life I've had let's go six one two three

four five six ask Dr. Ruth true or false every woman gets aroused when her breasts are caressed I feel like we're all different enough to say false

also they gave us no context here I can hate it everybody is different with different reactions some of them feel like it'd be really crazy to say yes all women like that all the time

yes but this is the 80s every time it's like okay I know the answer do I know the answer in the 1980s yeah yeah it is a tricky mind to have to walk so you get two points

you are at one arousal and Lace is at six give them to me okay Brock, what's your turn I got a one smoke detector goes off

it happened to us once I mean nothing never mind did it affect everybody did it affect the arousal needs to replace yeah it kind of ruined the moment it was very loud

and scary and we had to make sure there wasn't a fire oh you didn't okay I did start the fire oh no my arousal went up one I don't know what that means how many do I lose for this

just one earthquake every national disaster is just the one there's a fire in its launch zipper stuck the whole mood is dead you can get it back together after you pop the battery out of the fire by the way on this the second virtual

dice roller I found because the other one just kept going four all the time there are other calculations including age, time concrete whatever that is give me a time roll let's roll through time wait wait there's bra size

oh give me a bra size roll let's see what happens oh okay so you just need a tape measure this is just you can find this in any chart yeah this is actually helpful

this is just bus size versus band size we were rolling for bus size I was down with whatever this other game was yeah that's what I thought too apparently those are actual calculations and not whatever the dice roller is I think it's Brockway's turn

no I got the smoke alarm oh you're right okay Hanna you're done to be honest it's completely arbitrary like it higher low rolls kinda don't matter cause you can't actually go late news on TV

lose one turn lose a turn you stop the making entirely to watch the news okay I'm sure that's happened to someone maybe there was an earthquake on the night Lace is not as erotic as I pictured

at eight years old Lace is like stop pawing at me like I'm really interested in these financial things going down find out how the gulf war turns out I think that's a little

damn it what is going on with me it's a plus two arousal point for Sean anytime you mention the gulf war I got a render ring two you gotta ask Dr. Ruth okay

true or false the use of erotic materials cheap and sex uh false wait oh it's the 80s yeah it's tough let me run through the calculations it's the 80s which should be true that's Dr. Ruth and she was pretty progressive

so it's false but she also had to keep her audience no it's false she's gonna say correct false if it works and it doesn't hurt why not use it good for Dr. Ruth so that is two arousal points however you want to distribute them

however keeps us even all right Hannah you've lost the turn so Brockway's turn you're still watching the news still watching the news they're doing that thing where they they announced the big there's a murderer in your neighborhood coming up next

fucking no there's a murderer in our neighborhood honey did you not hear that we are not we live in Los Angeles it's your hands off my dick there's a murderer uh four is what I got all right one two three four you got another ask Dr. Ruth

shit dude uh oh my god this is the holocaust one there's a sexual assault one right at the top real real real real mood killer here um okay uh

wow I don't I don't think I like any of these uh a man can lie as easily about faking orgasms as a woman can oh hell yeah false ejaculation is a sign of male orgasm and it acts as evidence

you evidence we're not lying very well well why aren't you squirting fluids you're busted uh okay just those little packets of horsey sauce at Arby's they're free it's all

insane uh Hana it's your turn all right once the mention of horsey sauce it's now a hana sex life kicks back into gear dude don't listen to this one

uh one oh striptease this gives lace three points and you one point nice yeah feels accurate and uh you get an interaction card there's a white dot here

we play this immediately romantic weekend you and your partner gain five arousal points you can split up as you wish holy shit where are we at let's see um you're at four and laces at nine

uh fuck it give him to me oh yeah it's a whole thing the man's just jacking off the whole time laces like you know this is for both of us now it's not i got this cabin to crank my hog non-stop you could be here or not

uh this is a great opportunity for us to shake things up in our love life does anyone want to try a new partner i do have more trading cards everyone happy in their current relationship i'm happy in my current relationship but for the podcast we should

probably switch it up so i love you heavy in the boys you always be number one in my heart give me a 1d6 three three this is pretty good uh you are now in a romantic

relationship with donnie wabber and the new kids on the black heavy d in the boys i take me back i'm sorry baby i didn't know what i was doing look he means nothing it was nothing i don't even i don't even listen to him oh what's wrong with donnie wabberg

i'm one of the top two wabbergs it's uh broccoli's turn with this new lover donnie wabberg god damn it same arousal arousal translates right across donnie came into this ready yeah you did uh three okay

okay uh take a shower together that is a shower with donnie wabberg well i've said that before i'll say it again you say that but you just got two arousal boys all right you know what give them both to me fuck you donnie wabberg

no it's not it no one you don't get to choose they it says very clearly on the board uh also you get uh interaction card let's pull this out and see what this is concentrate uh now this you hold in your hand and if hannah and lace try to play an

oops card on you you can negate that okay so do we have any oops cards uh yeah if occasionally you'll get the interaction cards and there's oops he's played two oops cards on you i know but i don't think we have any oh yeah but he might if you do get one if you do get one

if you tried to make me come i am going to use my mental buddhist meditation techniques to uh dick fight you off so that you can't amazing the control nice i never come all right not at your turn

all right um i'll switch people too oh excellent uh give me a 1d6 and we'll see who you end up with let's do this you're a great lover lace and when you'll be missed i am going to miss looking at that card yeah uh

okay have a headband uh no and if she did you wouldn't be able to see it under her uh teased hair so you have um kk downing from judas priest the uh mega metal trading card set

you're familiar with judas priest you're a judas priest fan uh i'm familiar with the lawsuit that they were very sad about yeah but that's pretty much all i know okay down it's kind of a lace vibe yeah a little bit

tell you what i'll give you the next card down uh it's trap jaw from the hit show he man in the master's universe fuck yes it started when he came over to talk to you on on prince adams behalf he's just a wreck he's a wreck i mean i just

i know it's been hard on you but uh he's got some suicidal thoughts on the card he's watching he man on a monitor and he's saying just wait he man the fun has just begun so it's kind of kind of erotic uh

yeah sure it's your turn i like the arm too can do a lot of things with that how did you smooth it yes one one one ask dr. another real brain

teaser oh no vaginal lubrication is present in newborn girls oh what the fuck fucking what the fuck um lose all arousal points yeah

the rest the producer of the board game i feel like that might actually be true just because of elevated hormone levels from the mom giving birth yeah it's true it says usually within a few hours of birth um i hate to say this but

you have two arousal points you can distribute however you want and you get the fuck off my show and we're all i feel awful about that yeah yeah we see what you're about oh boy um um we each get one whatever

oh god the other question on this card is a homosexual experience during the teens means a person is more likely to engage in this practice as an adult that is the 80s shit oh my soul just took a fucking kick in the neck uh i'm gonna give you

uh an extra arousal point just to kind of guess just to get us going uh okay your turn could you imagine playing this as like a marital aid and you're like honey yes erotic game and this is what they wouldn't have

trap jaw in theirs like if you were playing this in the 80s you're playing this with like your square ass neighbors no trap jaw raw dog in it trap trap jawless norman i've said this before you're no trap jaw uh i got a three

all right uh oh oops i combatted by holding both fingers to my temples and concentrating on a buddhist koan throwing a rock at a monk

it's perfect neither you nor donnie wallberg prematurely ejaculate congratulations hell yeah we both high five and uh hannah your turn all right four

all right one two three four uh oh trap jaw plays with your breasts oh god everything i say is disgusting today uh okay so that's which we have

learned you don't like you don't have to like well i feel like that one hurt yeah no you don't have to like it but or does not lie it gave you two arousal points and uh an interaction card your interaction card is an oops card and

brockway and donnie wallberg are not protected you can play this at any time oh no um okay i feel like i just just so you can get rid of donnie wallberg i don't think it would is it get rid of all or is it fine it's five

and you get to choose where they go neither one of them would put you off the board okay so i'm keeping it donnie's at 13 donnie's getting ready to pop there's no delicate always at 13 baby donnie wallberg's balls

are pulsing and full you only got to put in just like eight points of effort oh i really think that i probably said 50 of the worst things i've ever said out of context today or in context in any uh

a real success for a board game night uh okay brockway it's your turn three one two three uh this this place has funneled his penis so uh that's donnie

donnie wallberg has funneled your penis thanks donnie that moves you up through full three points and you get an interaction card uh your card says

good sex all players gain one arousal point then includes hana and trapjaw what's the point of that it's just like it's in the air tonight it's just they listen to us and then it's that's what we gave to the listeners

today too it's just like a good point yeah speaking of uh we should wrap this up soon so let's let's do what say three more turns each and then we will have a final arousal off so hana your turn three

one two three french kiss that is one point for you and trapjaw and i would think some serious space in mouth trauma to you brockway your turn all right i got a i got a six

okay one two three four five six um we're gonna love this brockway you and donnie wallberg have broken the bed the bed breaks hell yeah that's fucking teamwork donnie

discard one interaction card art you already used your interaction card so you don't have any so i just card somebody else's has no effect on anything damn come on wallberg are just going at it in the

debris so on a sync up with me sync up with me we could do this one time our cats got trapped under the bed does that count no i'm just talking about personal things again i'm sorry if you were putting that in the sex board game uh what numbers would you use is that

a negative to each lover or is that the cats i feel like if they if we notice them that's a negative if we are able to ignore them that's a that's a net zero and we just keep going because they're they're there

and they're gonna exist and we have to just stop thinking about it because they're gonna keep staring because they're fucking cats and we have these fucking cats god they're voyeurs fucking creeps

well well me and donnie are breaking beds and setting off fire alarms sorry i love you babies i'm sorry all right let's roll the dice let's do it your turn to um

remove his clothes so that gives trap job plus three three does he have clothes uh i don't i feel like that's just detaching his lower jaw i feel like when he gets undressed that's just dismantling his robot face

take it off the night stand for the night letting it soak in some barbicide and putting on the sex jaw uh all right so you get an interaction card um we're gonna play this

immediately uh this is again newlywed game rules the word or term i most often use for the act of sex is blank now you think of your answer and i'll think of trap jaws answer uh and we'll say it at the same time can i also can i write down an answer to to try to

steal point sure uh on the we're gonna count down from three to one and then we're all gonna say our answer together three two one biting to no you guys were more

synced up than that so i'll give um each of your partners a point because that shows that you're you're very thoughtful and generous lovers so that's a point for donnie wallberg and one for trap jaw and then um now it's brockway's turn

your penultimate turn three one two three tongue baths give donnie wallberg a tongue bath uh one two for each of you

and uh here's a fun fact uh you just jumped over the 18 on the arousal trap with uh with yourself and that's excellent because if you hit the 18 you premature ejaculate there's like a trap on the board if you stop on the 18

wait so there are multiple premature ejaculation mechanics built in yes so if you get an 18 or if you go over 22 yeah that's uh why are there multiple because dudes are just

coming all the time in 1985 they just they're multiple you've got an interaction card it's another of personal interest the thing i do that lets my partner know i'm interested in sex is blank

so all three of us again premature ejaculate uh that is exactly what donnie wallberg was gonna say so i'll give you points oh man that gives you three points to distribute whoever you want wait so what did i lose all of mine no no no you're good

what does that do what what happened you're at 19 and donnie's at 18 and you can put three on the board however you want uh who did donnie wonder me can i play the oops card

you already did have an effect okay damn it oh yeah she was trying to kick off um your former lover off the board i can't remember heavy D is that what happened

oh she played it i mean she definitely played it all right you know what i grant you the power to make donnie wallberg and brockway prematurely ejaculate should you should you choose to with your mind

i'm doing it robert brockway is making love to donnie wallberg and is prematurely ejaculated but she decides the five points right uh no you decide the five points i decide the five points what are what are we at um you're each at 20

but if you touch 18 then you've prematurely prematurely ejaculated okay three to me so i'm at 17 and two to donnie so he's at 18 because he doesn't have the risk right correct he cannot prematurely

ejaculate as the lady in the relationship so 17 18 is what we got all right um so that's this is brockway's turn right whose turn is it okay okay i got a one okay

uh sex clinic god damn it case number 72 i have been dating an attractive woman on my block who shares an apartment with her twin sister i very much want to make love with both of them at the same time how do i go about making that dream come true

okay i changed my mind all of these letters are fake yeah it's fake as shit uh fucking don't you idiot is my doctor rude impression okay they've been making that dream come true for like

weeks now and it's assault yes uh i'm gonna give it to you because it says threesomes may be exciting but a one to one relationship is better do not mention your fantasy or you may lose both women you blew both women

as if he has the twin sister like you could lose your relationship with the twin sister with the twin sister right she wants to bang her sister yeah i feel like that's not the reason threesomes are this specific threesome is bad right

yeah like why they're blood related right you are literally saying the most cliche the thing that these women have heard their entire life yep and they have to like sit down and exasperatedly explain to you

i don't want to bang my sister also i don't want to bang myself uh bad in both directions you lose you lose sir hold up for the record you don't want to bang yourself no

i really don't well we are learning so much about each other today uh hana your turn all right so wait what happened there did i get anything from that you did i gave you three points i put uh i put you both at uh 19

all right so you're in the red you're in the final erotic zone but trap john hana are right on your tail six one two three four five six um touch me there um

that just just just means go again in this game okay um two okay um nick robe that gives uh one point to trap

jaw but that hits 18 causing him to prematurely ejaculate you just made trap job come by touching his neck i've got a lot of tension there there's some weird things happening with the nerves uh

it's the yes okay it's the jaw hana honey come get me in the okay so he loses uh he loses five and i can you just for the record can you

say what you just did hana um cried a little in the game in the game what did you oh in the game just so we have the audio clip just a clean audio clip clean take on that yeah just kind of a

kind of a safe safe breath play which is more about putting hands over mouth versus um choking but some people are specifically turned on more by the choking action in which case you just don't hold down the windpipe

um it's just a guide to make sure that your breath play does not lead to actual loss of breath and what was the result of this in the game what what would you say happened oh oh trap job immediately fell off and just just flew it like

like like fucking oil just sprayed on my face it's fucking awful it was like that movie to tan it was that's how he climaxes he squirts like motor oil out of his trachea yeah

all right well that's much worse than i was fishing for we'll take it that's yeah very nice uh okay broccoli um your last turn and then we're going to do hana's last turn all right i got a one uh this

space says and i quote caress her vaginal area right i got generally pubic mount you got you got generally pubic mount incredible uh okay so donnie wallberg gets two arousal points and we get an interaction card

uh of personal interest after good sex i most enjoy now uh you're going to answer for you and i'm going to answer for donnie wallberg after good sex i most enjoy does everyone have their answer ready

yes okay three two one joey mcblire and jordan night uh i don't think they matched so i can't give you any points all right um okay hana uh your final

turn six also i'm sorry i answered i feel like that wasn't my turn or job also i probably answered more for his brother excellent excellent uh oh this is perfect for you

pit jumps on the bed um and that means you've lost an arousal point trap job trap job still very excited oh he's still going at it oh great oh great okay didn't bother him at all he's like yeah let the cat this is part of it for trap

job do not judge trap job can you tell me which pet i'll tell you how disturbing it is that he hasn't lost it uh i would say it's getting a pan through oh oh well that's more disturbing than both of them probably that that skeleton troop

transport whether you take all the figures and you you click them into that big skeleton dinosaur you i don't know oh jeez no one's no one's as old as me no one's gonna remember that toy i just got a point i'll give it to you all right so here at the end

uh trap john hannah uh 14 and 13 that is uh well into the orange range uh the preliminaries so you you're getting close uh brockway and donnie wallberg are fully into the

act they are at um 21 and 20 it is no shame losing to robert brockway he is a an esteemed fuck master as we've established many times but he knows had a pleasure donnie wallberg

uh i hope we were good enough friends to go through this together i feel like we're all close enough now to um to admit that was very troubling but extremely erotic yeah that was that was intense

can we well like we've been syncing up the whole time can we do a three count and then the thing we're most proud of accomplishing in this game and let me think about it we did achieve so much okay we're gonna count down three two one and then we'll all say it at the same time

three two one i got to watch trucker even though i wear them every day 1900 frankfurt 1900 frankfurt our podcast and with maximallen say frankfurt podcast

correct yeah the craft is not trapped is not without send it to the dog for an hour come on you can do it 1900 1900 frankfurt

1900 frankfurt 1900 frankfurt 1900 frankfurt 1900 frankfurt 1900 frankfurt 1900 frankfurt 1900 frankfurt 1900 frankfurt

there's been too much violence too much pain none here without sin but i have an honorable compromise just walk away give me your artifacts hot dog supreme's

give me your sexy sci-fi photo shoots your horrifying secret comics and the whole untubed sausage compound and i spare your lives just walk away i will give you safe passage in the wasteland

just walk away and there will be an end to the horror three finger louis put down your boomerang and go erin crossed it adrian h adan moe

alpha scientist javo just walk away anandy is your heat cliff truly worth dying for just walk away andreas larson you could live you could have children

you could eat them just walk away naba badger benjamin sirenin there are so many dogs in the wasteland you could pet them all just walk away bim talzer

brandon garlock brian sailor brian whitney you would be a champion in the thunderdome just walk away brockway loves the meat-kneeling burrito mouth seril

rev look at this sweet dune buggy rev you can have it just walk away chance mcdermot look at that sweet dune buggy you can still catch rev and take it just walk away

chris frower curious glare dan b devin the rogue supreme i know a place with all the dog food you can eat just walk away brian castello donald finney

dr. awkward eric spalding my wolf hearty is badly in need of gimp do you have a gimp resume just walk away fancy shark jell-a ho greg gunningham

ham mode haraca's already gone good job haraca see he walked away there are two mannequins over that hill both girls you could make them kiss just walk away

hardfarkt jaber al-aidan jeff oraski john deane your battle wagon is mighty everyone respects a radio flyer in the wasteland just roll away john hector mcfarlane

john minkoff josh fabian joshua graves it would be a shame to destroy that mullet just walk away josh s ken paisley if you go i will give you joshua graves' mullet

just walk away k&m m jahee chatelle mac miserable do you want to be stripped naked and strapped to my war chariot if not just walk away

if so just walk away we can work it out mad riley max baroy michael lair michael wells just hop away

i am sorry we ate your leg you can still hop away mickey lovin mike styles mojo neil bailey the wasteland needs lovers just walk away neil schaefer nick ralston

ozzy olin have you seen barter town they have pig races there it's adorable just walk away patrick herbst rain vargas reannan sakowski shan chase

spotty reception you don't have to die like your father butt naked and upside down in a catapult just walk away ted h thomas kovatsos life is precious and the dead cannot whip they cannot name a

just walk away timi lehi tosty god thoms akula thommy weylin russell we all read your poetry out here everyone we all read it right it's like really good it makes us feel ways about rivers

and old broken guitars and stuff just walk away you're serian just walk away we hate to see you leave but we love to watch you just walk away i await your answer you have a full day to decide

you will be safe in the wasteland except for you john macammon you're so fucking dead john macammon oh my god we john macammon you're fucked john macammon you can try to walk away you're so fucking dead