The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 111, Behind The Corey With Jason Pargin

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

Seanbaby contractually traps Brockway and guest, author Jason Pargin, into doing an entire podcast about how sad Corey Feldman is. Don't worry! You won't feel bad for him by the time we get to the sex cult, the forced starvations, and Jingle Bell Rock.

1-900 HOT DOG 1-900 HOT DOG Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say HOT DOG podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

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Yeah 9000 Welcome to the dog zone 9000 the official podcast of 1-900HOTDOG.com Dial it for funny, meat spelled with an A Your dreams at 1-900HOTDOG.com

1-900 HOT DOG Frankly Everyone I'm Ketch Frays Master Shan Baby From the internet and with me is the Un-cola Robert Brockway Robert Brockway is a Brockway fact I've touched Cory Feldman

Now with my hands No followup questions I know, I don't want to know Our guest is our dear friend and best-selling author National Treasure, Jason Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty

Par energia That's your best intro, thank you. Before we get into the subject of today's show, Sean, how long have you been in the business, in the internet content business? God, 28 years. So my marketing is good. I just wanted to show it off. I wanted to know.

I know you're interested in marketing and promotion. I thought, let me show Jason what I can do. Rockway, how long have you been in the game? Fuckin' I don't know. Am I in the game? Does this count? How long have you been trying to get people to look at the stuff you post on the internet? 14 years, something like that.

Basically from the birth of the web, from the first time you had a connection till now. So it is safe to say that among the three of us on here, having whatever that was, 60 years of experience, trying to get people to look and see the stuff we make online. All three of us know. We all know there's a button we could push that could get lots more people to listen to this show and could make lots more money for you too. Auto-tune. You're speaking of the titty button.

Yes, but also, for example, the subject of today's show could be about the controversy around the Harry Potter game. Yeah, Hogwarts Legacy. I knew you were going to say that. Hogwarts Legacy. That would be good too. Dropping our episode, our opinion on Hogwarts Legacy, or on the show The Last of Us and about how some fans of the game.

You could have a meeting every week where it's like, what is the thing people are talking about? That's the dog zone this week. We have a meeting. It's like, this is what gets all the engagement, boom, you put it up, and then that becomes part of the national conversation because then somebody else has got to do an episode reacting to it. We all are well aware of the show we could be doing if we were interested in becoming

much, much more famous. I think you should program racist robots to say the N-word if it disarms a nuclear bomb. That's a real thing in the Zeitgeist lately. Sorry to interrupt. There are many YouTube videos about the things Sean just said. If you don't know what he's talking about, that's great. That's really stupid. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

I would actually really like to talk about it. It's so fascinating to me. AI and AI chatbots, that kind of thing. That is the kind of thing that you could be doing. I think if you see months from now that the dog zone has flipped that lever, it is a current event. What are people mad about this week's show? It means that there has been a specific conversation in Slack where it's like, we've got to do

this. We're the inflation, the Patreon money, the situation with Patreon to work with and all that. We've got to push the big red button, the one we know we can push, where the podcast becomes about what's hot this week. Instead, we're talking about something else because instead we're doing it backwards. That way, you're letting the world tell you what to talk about and our way, we tell the world what we want to talk about.

You listen to us about this. Then never speak of it again would be best after today. We're talking about Corey Feldman, one of my favorite things that Jason does is he'll come into the work Slack once a week and just post a fucking Corey Feldman video of him playing to an abandoned warehouse. To be absolutely clear, for more further context, we're talking about former child actor very famous in the 80s, Corey Feldman, who has gone on to have a career that almost no one is aware of because those videos I'm posting in the Slack, go click on them.

They have like 1200 views and no one else thinks this is extremely funny except for a small group of people who've been following Corey Feldman's post fame career, which dances on the razor's edge of funny and just horrifically tragic in a way that few things do. It is, you sent us a TV show to watch in preparation for this that me and Brockway could not finish. How long? Where did you make it to? What part washed you out of Corey Feldman? What part destroyed your willpower?

I know Sean has a whole list of notes, but the thing he sent, I got about 18 minutes into it before I had to bail out because that's where I still had it done. I got close to tell me the part. His band was playing. Yeah, that's it. That's exactly where I left him. It was too hard to watch. I find this man to be an extremely compelling figure for terrible reasons and I just want

to get it. We're never going to do another Corey Feldman episode, aside from the four part episode that this will be. This eight and a half hours is all we're doing. We're going to exhaust the man. We're going to just wring the man out until there's nothing left of him. He's kind of my go-to reference because he really demonstrates how sometimes your dreams and perseverance don't mean fucking anything like he's like 40 years trying to do this

and like trying to be Michael Jackson. Yes. Oh, God. He's tried to be Michael Jackson for much longer than Michael Jackson tried. Oh, that was so surprisingly dark. I'm going to cut down the whole show is going to be like that. Yeah, that's that's not if you if we if you set the rule that that kind of thing gets cut, there'll be nothing left.

Thanks for coming, everybody. Yeah, there's just the German theme song for the for the Gen Z listeners who don't necessarily know who Corey Feldman is who are like sitting there right now saying I dead ass like no cap. I dead ass don't know who Corey check it. It's is is he busing is he is he sus like I don't like I like low key just don't I dead ass low key don't know who Corey Feldman is bro. What a great impression.

Yes. Perfect. Gen Z impersonation. OK, so Corey Feldman was a child star. He was in a lot of fantastic movies, Stand By Me, the Goonies, Gremlins, Lost Boys, of course. And then just like as soon as he got out of puberty, it was it was all downhill. Like people realized like, no, that's that's enough Corey Feldman.

And he did a movie called Dream a Little Dream where he kind of had a leading role and everyone's like, I don't think so. And that was kind of it. He's still been a working actor. He was one of the Ninja Turtle voices. He was in the main star of a couple more movies after 1989 like Rock and Roll High School Forever where he played Michael Jackson and Beat Balls 4 where he played Corey Feldman. And those are his two roles.

That's his acting range. We have talked about Bordello of Blood on the show. That was 1996 and Corey Feldman was in there and it kind of gave a hint of who he was as a person. He's not a very good actor, but like as a person, you're like, wait, this dude fucking sucks because he had like all this behind the scenes testimony of like all the women on set were really cranky with him because they wouldn't let him get close to them. And I guess that's why he like what he calls it when he tries to grope them in his trailer

before telling her, she'll never get anywhere in this town with that attitude. And that's like the vibe that he gives off. But I don't really want to talk about his acting. I did take a ton of notes, but like Corey Feldman's business plan for an out of work bikini model, he found a Chipotle on my notes are a bit of a mess. And I don't think he deserves a well outlined and researched biography. So we're just going to kind of wing it. So that's Corey Feldman.

He's at what point in your research did you be like, I'm not fucking spending this much time on Corey Feldman, like how many minutes into it? Like every 20 to 30 minutes. Was it 18 minutes? 18 minutes. Every time I got to his band, I was like, no, fuck this. I'm changing the show all around.

He's so he's so tragic. But he's also such an idiot liar that like it starts to get funny again and it starts to get sad again. And I don't know, he's undeniably very famous, but it's like he's been playing celebrity since 1989, and he just kind of doesn't have the star power to actually make a project work. And it's weird because he exists now in a world where his level of fame should translate directly into money and it just doesn't.

He's somehow taken a thing that has so much value to everyone and made it worthless and tragic. And I don't know, it's it's kind of amazing. I do want to talk about his music because that's really where he focuses all his effort because no one will hire him to act. So in the late nineties, he started trying to be Michael Jackson. There's a clip on a show called the improv that I don't know, maybe we should stop and look it up, look up Corey Feldman, Improv, 1989.

And it's not hard to deal. Yeah, just for like 20 seconds, you've got to see this. It's just so fucking breathtaking. He says he does a bunch of Michael Jackson moves, but with a lot of mime, a lot more mime than you'd expect. And he's off by like a full half a second with his lip syncing. Like he seems to have forgotten completely that he's supposed to be lip syncing. Anyway, and you can do this at home.

We can cut this. Do you have any Corey Feldman music loaded up on the soundboard? Absolutely. Yes, I just didn't have this because it's a visual gag. And I just wanted I wanted you to get in that vibe with me of a full manic. Michael Jackson mime, Corey Feldman, I think in 1989, this outfit he's wearing was still appropriate to Michael Jackson. But within a year or two, Michael Jackson would start being a different kind of Michael Jackson, and it must have just utterly ruined all of his hopes and dreams.

Like, no, you can't we're doing the best thing. What are you doing? Yeah, if you dress as Michael Jackson for Halloween, you you pick between like little short eras like basically different music videos. And Corey Feldman picked one and stuck with it for 15 or 20 wrong one. The wrong one. OK, so one of the clips that I pasted into this slack was of Corey Feldman at some sort of a music festival or some sort of

festival where he was performing wearing the exact outfit that Michael Jackson wears in the video for bad and on the album cover for the album, bad. And bad came out in whatever year that was 35 years ago. It's been a very long time. Right. And this is a video from like a couple of weeks ago. And Corey Feldman playing for a group of like 27 people. And it was him like he has these dance moves that, again, have not changed in the however many decades he's been doing music.

It's a very kind of Michael Jackson-esque like song and dancing that for some reason he's just captured inside it. I'm going to make this work, you know, in the nineties, the 20 the 2000s, the 2010s, like he's just stuck with it. It is legendary in its persistence. Anyway, in this clip, he says, I want to, you know, I want to introduce our keyboardist, my lovely wife and our nutritionist and whatever. And ladies and gentlemen, she's telling it, too.

She plays keyboard synthesizer. She's our VJ, our DJ, our ballerina, our health coach. And of course, the lovely wife, ladies and gentlemen, you have for Mrs. Courtney Feldman's huge setup. And then she does this keyboard solo. It's so good. OK, so that's not us laughing. That was the audience laughing.

That was the audience because it's Corey Feldman throws it to his wife, I guess, Courtney Feldman, and to throw to her doing a keyboard solo. And it kind of seems like she's never played keyboard. She does. She doesn't have some keys and the people in the audience start to laugh. In this entire time, Corey Feldman, just imagine it to the left of her dancing furiously to the one way he knows how to dance. The one way he knows how to dance.

Now, again, as a question that I know we have audiences out there, you know, asking a thousand times an episode, is this person doing a bit? Because that would be a very funny bit. If it was a bit, it absolutely is not. I do not believe that anything Corey Feldman does is a bit, not in the way we know it. It's all just tragedy all the way down. Yeah, I found a lot of evidence that he's completely caught up in self delusion. Like there's just it's been a safety mechanism for decades now.

And there's no penetrating it like in the face of magnificent failure. He'll he'll like find some sort of a way to spin it. Now, already, I worry that some people think, guys, you are punching down on Corey Feldman. Like he's just out there trying to scratch out a living. Like he's clearly a small time struggling musician. Why are you being mean to him? Oh, we'll get into some reasons. Yeah, there's a I have a lot of sound clips specifically.

So people will feel OK with what we're doing here today. Give us one. We feel OK early. This is from his second album. It's the song is called What is a Dog? The album is called Former Child Actor. His first album failed pretty bad. It's called Love Left.

Every song on that was sort of a slow paced blues rock that I couldn't stand so I didn't take any clips. It sounds like he's making up songs that goes along for the background of a biker movie. It's like the kind of band Andrew Dice Clay would start, which seems really odd given he wanted to be Michael Jackson. So here he is, Former Child Actor, What is a Dog? What is a Dog? OK, OK, now we do have to keep these sound clips

to like 10 seconds or so, not for not for copyright reasons, but because I have to hurt because it's too. It's too hard on the human spirit. It sounded a little bit like a junior high band trying to cover Tom Waits for the first time. Right. What was that in 64 or GameCube game where they had the eternal darkness or something like that where they had the sanity meter if he saw too much horror like your character would would go insane

and everything would glitch out. That's going to be just imagine that I have one of those meters for the recording of this podcast. You have to not that out. That was a Lovecraft rift, for sure. I was I was watching this lip syncing at the improv video. And you told us I was watching it on mute because, of course, I was. And for just a second there, for about a three second window,

Jason's speech cadence synced up with Corey Feldman's dancing. So your your sanity meter is fucked already. So this already isn't the world that you started off in. I really like the part where he starts going, what is it now? Like, he just keeps attacking the line in insane ways, like like Corey Hame doing retakes. And it's just like none of he never lands on. It's like, pick a fucking way to sing this song.

The other thing I love is the beginning. Uh, you cut probably. It's not a lot like come together, like like John Lennon. And that's who again is. Yeah, well, I feel like that's what he's going for. Like there's another song on there where he actually does cover John Lennon's Imagine and he even fakes like a British accent. Like he doesn't even fucking care.

And I don't know. I feel like that was one of Michael Jackson's heroes. So I feel like it's more just Michael shit. Here's the thing with his music and we're going to get into it because this ties into some of the cultish stuff he's done. It's it would be one thing if a child actor moved on and took their wealth and started a band and got into music. And it was like, they just made some weird music, you know,

getting in touch with some stuff they love or whatever. The whole thing with Corey Feldman, as he has been trying extremely hard to become a pop star and to write like mainstream pop type music to where there's a he's got as where I'm sure you've got a sound club entire songs about how he's becoming famous or, you know, that are like these huge, massively overproduced like where the whole thing is like I am super rock star as opposed to just you know, I've got the time and the money.

I'm going to make some weird music just for me and my friends. The whole thing is it's he's trying to do this sound where it's like I'm going to pick up the baton right then Michael left. You're of course speaking about Jingle Bell Rock, the other song from the album. Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing and Jingle Bell's Rain. So when I'm blowing, pushers of a fire. Now that the Jingle Bell Rock has become so despised. The Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing and Jingle Bell's Rain.

Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Swing and Jingle Bell's Rain. Dancing and dancing and Jingle Bell's Scrap in Frosty Air. So he did you let me first. You got me though. You let that play for 12 and a half minutes. Yeah. Yes, you did. Time means nothing in the Jingle Bell Rocky universe.

So I am trying to think of, no, stop, but I don't care. You don't get to just move on to the next thing you need to do. Fuck you, we need time to process. I'm trying to think of, I'm trying to think 10 months from now when I'm doing some sort of a Christmas scene with my friends and slipping the Corey Feldman cover of Jingle Bell Rock into the mix of music, whoever's, whatever they're using to play it on, they've got their phone or whatever. I'm trying to figure out how to slip that in seamlessly and just to wait for someone

to notice it. How long, I don't know if you can see the recording, do you know how long that track runs? Because it feels like it probably runs for a real long time. Yeah, he was only, he took a long time to get started. He was like, let's ease into this one, boys, it's a Jingle Bell Rock, we got to be here for a while. Yeah, I think the clip I played was, like I said, 12 and a half minutes.

Let me go to the, let's see, three minutes, 18 seconds, as the official track was to pass. So four hours, basically. Yeah. See, I'm worried that that's never going to fully leave me. I'm worried that come next Christmas time, I'm going to hear Jingle Bell Rock, which I will a lot, and every time I'm going to think about that, and that's not fair. I love it because he has that Christian rock energy of like, like a 11 year old who spends a lot of time in the room practicing being cool, and they're like, dude, I'm just going

to make Jingle Bell Rock the coolest and just weird pauses where no one else would think to put them. I don't know, it's a hard thing to explain, I guess. So how far down the notes do we need to get, I assume we've got our stuff to get to first before we start talking about the weird sex cult? Yeah, well, yeah, weird sex cult. I just wanted to play a little bit of his songs, like that's how most people experienced Corey Feldman for, I guess, until the early 2010s is just sort of he would put these songs

out that no one heard that were just unthinkable, and then he'd sort of show up in a direct to video movie every now and then. But then there's a very famous vice article about his Felden mansion was by a guy named Jamie Lee Tate, and he got Corey Feldman's permission to go to his birthday party and write about it and take pictures of it, but only if Corey Feldman got the final edit. And so he, have you guys read this article? This, this one, right? Yeah.

I read that at the time, but it's been a long time. Not only did I read it, it cracked. We did a little thing, reposting it and linking to it. And then we made a joke that Corey Feldman was starting what appeared to be a weird sex cult and that it was destined to end in some sort of an armed standoff with police, which to be fair, has not happened yet. And Corey Feldman responded to it on Twitter is like mad at us saying like, it's not a cult. It's all about love.

And these women are all staying there voluntarily. And it's a weird thing to have to specify all of us, you know, in the, you know, I'm, we're all here to serve God, you know, and that's my purpose is, you know, the, the togetherness and the creative energy is, you know, why we're all here on our, on this compound, the, the, the Corey's angels compound. So anyway, yeah, we actually referenced it in our crack days. And it started a very extremely minor dust up that I'm sure he has since forgotten. And I'm sure Corey Feldman believes that wholeheartedly.

He, while he's being like a, I don't know, there's got to be hundreds of small time porn producers doing exactly what he's doing, having like a small harem of women that he occasionally has sex with, but for the most part just stands near while they're mostly naked and is like, Hey, look at me. I know all these naked ladies. Okay. Yes. For the people who aren't familiar with that article or whatever, you need to describe

exactly the scene that played out right. So, so this guy gives the text to Corey Feldman who gives it approval because he's a delusional idiot and did not recognize, recognize all the obvious sarcasm. Cause it was like, dude, Corey Feldman's party's the best. He's the fucking, he does whatever he wants. He's Corey Feldman. And, and the whole thing has that tone. It's like almost mean spirited.

And, uh, but the, the content of the article is that he would charge $250 to men to come to the party and they could wear whatever they wanted, but the women had to be approved by him and they could get in free if they were in their underwear. The whole time they had to, it had to be the whole fucking time. Um, you can't just come and get to the door and then put on your clothes. Fucking kick you right out. Anyway, uh, you can also pay $500 an hour to sit in Corey's hot tub, uh, or $2,500 for a private angel service in the cabana.

Uh, the writer said no one took them up on any of this. Basically the party was super sad and no one showed up because who would, these are, this is just like a weird amateur strip. You said the word angel and angel service. Explain who the angels are. That's, that's a good idea. Oh, to say angels are women in their underpants, uh, mostly down in their luck, aspiring models and pornographers who were, who signed a contract to live in

Corey Feldman's Feld mansion. And that's the best part. They must wear angel wings the whole time. Angel wings, sometimes the halo things, uh, they, they seem very sad and scared. They, they, they seem like members of an involuntary sex cult. Um, they signed a contract. He's a very 18 minutes of that show that we watched. He mentioned that contract over and over and over again.

So many times, anytime somebody questioned any part of it, he was like, oh, it's in the contract. We're just like, okay. Yeah. We understand that you tried to write a slavery contract, but I guess he finds women dull enough to believe that is enforceable because you could just run ladies, you could run. And in the contract, he controls what they eat.

He controls their exercise routine. He controls what they wear. He controls who can come to visit. So when we say, when we use throw around the word cult, I realize it may not fit the dictionary definition of a cult and all of these are, well, they're not allegations. These are the things he stated himself in multiple publicity appearances. It has features of a cult that if you read about danger signs of a cult, it's

all this stuff, trying to control your diet, your sexuality, your dress, your identity, all of that stuff. And then controlling who can come see you. Like men are not allowed. It's him and all of the sexy ladies, um, who he has promised to help their career. And then he gets a cut if they get any work. Again, not like a cult where they seize part of your income. None or no, this is totally different because they signed a contract.

So, so this is the thing is that Corey Feldman feels like just knowing him and him being able to like call someone on your behalf for, for whatever nude modeling gig is a valuable thing. And now I think everyone in every industry entertainment or not understands that, uh, careers are built around connections, maybe like having a relationship with someone means that they think of you when work shows up and they like call you and hey, gig, gig popped up. It takes a very unusual sociopath to find themselves in a community like that

and say, Hey, I'm the one person in this chain who gets paid in sex for this. Like everyone, everyone else, like, like when he gives a woman to a guy taking pictures that it wouldn't occur to that guy, Oh, Hey, I should get all these girls in my office to pay me in sex because I gave them a job or I might give them a job someday. It's fucking stupid. And he deserves all the humiliation he gets is my point. He's just like, Oh, I don't know.

I don't know how to put it any better than that. Um, but anyway, this article was hilarious. The pictures were really sad. Uh, it's just like a bunch of hunched over women like kind of boardly standing next to broken pinball machines and Corey, like, like he did with cracked, like just picked a fight with anyone who, who fucking talked about it. My favorite tweet from it is, uh, he tweeted at vice. He said, it's called defamation of character and slender.

No, I'm pretty sure those things are still illegal in this country. And I thought that was so fantastic and impotent. Um, yeah. But he was all because all vice did was show pictures of his party and describe what happens, which is that you cannot make a party happen this way for those of you listening who never go to parties. You can't, you can't charge a bunch of weird, sad perverts to come hang out with your paid women and their underwear where no one wants to be there.

No one knows each other. And then you try to force it to look like some sort of fancy Hollywood sex party thing, like, like you're a rock star and this is your rock star lifestyle. And so all they had to do was show photos of the tragic. Tragic vibe of this party. It is it. Again, I do not think I made it through that vice article. It was made at 18 months into that vice.

Soon as his band showed up, uh, what, what funny, it's funny though, uh, the next year they went back in undercover this time. They paid $300 to get in cameras were banned at the party. Uh, they wrote a second article about this Corey, uh, he'd learned his lesson. No pictures, no press. Uh, and then they tried to shake him down for another $200 of the door. And the writer of the article just says, yeah, we just told them we're going to fucking pay that they let us in anyway.

Uh, they, you bullied, you bullied Corey Feldman security. You're right. Okay, fine. Come on, get your ass kicked. No, you can go ahead. What about, what about $4? So they showed up, they said at nine, but then they wouldn't let them in. They're like, Oh, they're still preparing the party, which basically meant not

enough people were there and he didn't want it to look super sad. So they waited an hour until two other people showed up and then the four of them partied for a couple hours until finally, like almost two dozen people showed up eventually. The article was just to start casting in brutal, it's almost petty. It's like this person's trying to hurt Corey Feldman's feelings. Uh, like he was talking shit about the frames Corey was using to display as childhood movie posters, like, oh, he's fucking bullshit Walgreens frames on

your cooties poster book, you Corey, uh, like a real personal aggressive tone to it. And fair enough, Corey threatened to sue this guy for writing about his birthday party. So there's also a really pathetic moment. I want to mention where the helicopter flew over the party and shined a spotlight on him and they tried to convince everyone there that this was TMZ trying to get shots of like, Oh, they're trying to get the celebrity shots.

But it's like everyone there knew that it was just a normal sized party of non-famous people. And then, uh, the cops showed up and made him turn the music down because like his Encino neighbors were just a bunch of regular adults who didn't want to fucking hear noisy. Anyway, that was, uh, the most famous thing Corey Feldman had done in about 20 years was get completely roasted by vice magazine. And that's what put him back on my radar.

Yes. And he would try to cash out on this publicity because again, at every stage when something like this has come up, he has really like tried to say like, Oh, we're getting engagement now. Like we're going to launch all of these various enterprises. Like I assume without looking that Corey Feldman has an NFT of some kind. Probably I didn't even look, but yeah, that's a really good so weird. If he didn't, he certainly has Corey coin and like a company store, the

angel compound that all the angels can only buy things in Corey coin. Okay. It's not loading very well. Corey Feldman NFT launch, only 2,222 available. Uh, yeah, this page is low, but, uh, now for the first time ever, Corey is opening up his colorful world to you in a brand new way, commemorate Corey's unforgettable career and get first access to his future work with the all new Corey Feldman PFP NFTs.

Only 2,222 will be minted. Uh, oh, it's paused until he's able to promote his NIFT project. I'm not sure if that's a typo or if, if that's a spin. And then there's pictures of him when he's like, so it's exactly like his birthday party where not enough people showed up. He's going to have to wait. We're still, we're still getting it ready. Oh gosh.

You're in party escrow. So here's what he translated that fame into. He appeared on celebrity wife swap, uh, where he traded wives with Tommy Davidson and it was brutal. This was only seven or eight years ago. And I remember it being gross, but it is fucking gross. You guys obviously didn't make it too far into it, but, uh, this is the video that Sean, we were talking about earlier that me and

Brock, we could not make it all the way through the celebrity wife swap, which is by the way, celebrity that I assume everyone understands they've not gotten, you know, at Brad Pitt and whoever to trade. It's, yeah, it is, it is the pool of celebrities who keep showing up on. It's like the sixth Baldwin brother. It is, it is that level of celebrities. And so yeah, it is where this is where Corey Feldman in this episode, like he is performing so hard for the camera as like, you know, I'm wild and crazy.

You know, I'm always in the headlines, you know, once again, you all want to know about me, the energy that comes from him is, I don't even know how to describe it. It's so rough and it's so needy. And it's so, yeah, here I am on TV again because of my crazy lifestyle. And it's like, no, this is the first thing you've booked in, you know, aside from a smart show where you're signing autographs and has to feed into that. They keep cutting Tommy and Tommy's like, Oh yeah, I heard about Corey Feldman.

How he parties. No, you haven't. The producer, the producer is prompting you to say anything good about Corey. Tommy Davidson seemed like, you know, not a superstar, but like a working standup and like most people appreciate his work. And I don't know, he seems like really mature for this show. Like he, he has his head together and he, he sees what he does is like a job and a craft and, and Corey's just like fart noise.

But Corey was, he was on the surreal life before this, which is like where they took all the celebrities and threw them in a house and made them play games. And that is a fun show. But he was really obnoxious and stupid on it. And he kept trying to promote his terrible music. But it was this episode of WifeSwap where he became publicly known as the desperate sex cult leader to like a TV viewing audience. So he'd grown up and he, he's decided to stop copying Michael Jackson and now

copy Hugh Hefner. I have a clip while still copying Michael Jackson. Of course. Yes, he'll never give it up. I have helped a lot of women with their careers in Hollywood. And then I would realize they went off to be successful. And what did I get out of it? Not much.

That's why I developed my company, Corey's Angels. Corey's Angels is a management, production and development business comprised of beautiful, talented women. Girls sign a contract with us so that when they do succeed, I can get rewards as well for the work that I've put into them. When the girls become angels, they move into my house and they literally become part of our extended family. I'm Lynn.

I'm a professional actress model and I'm one of Corey's Angels. I am Caitlin and I am an aspiring actress, professional model and Corey's angel and training. I'm Courtney. I'm a DJ and I'm Corey's angel. One of them hasn't slept with Corey. Guess which one? He uses his own connections to help me be successful.

He's sexy and gorgeous and I love him. Thanks. That hurts so bad. That laugh he gave there, where he in response to her saying that scripted line about how he's beautiful and sexy and has, that was where I almost bailed out because she's, she's doing this scripted like POW statement, the thing. And she's like, they're next to her and then he does this weird stilted laugh and it feels like that was the seventh or eighth take of that laugh.

Do you know what I mean? Like they had to keep doing it. Her statement over and over again in his reaction. He's not a good enough actor to do false modesty, to do like this. Oh, shucks. Really? Like, and he didn't have like a joke ready or like something like, you know, of course she's, I didn't make her say that or something like that.

It's so stilted and so weird that it has that cult quality of people who don't really interact with the outside world. Yeah. Like they only, they're in this house with each other living under the same rules, under the same weird, and I, you know, obviously he prefers women of a specific age. I have not looked into how he cycles out his angels and which one becomes his main Joel. It could be clear for any old lady.

And I've gotten any matches for anyone listening and saying, Hey, you guys, at no point has there been any evidence that there is sexual activity going on in this house. Like this could just be like they could be living there as part of a creative. He does heavily imply they are all having sex over and over and over again in this episode. He, it's a, it's, he thinks it's the, the funniest, cutest thing. Then he says it like to the camera and makes it up for the

angel in training, who has only done hand stuff. Hasn't become the full angel yet. So yeah, this was 2015. It's like, we weren't that square. And so the, the producer, you can hear him going like, so what? This is like a polyamory thing. And Corey's like, what happens behind closed doors? It's behind closed doors.

So he desperately wants us to think it's a polyamory thing, but like, doesn't want to pull the, I don't get it. He's like just super gleefully proud that he might have boned to aspiring pornographer sex slaves at once at some point in his life. I don't know. I, it's, it's, it's super gross. It's, it's like a seventh grader bragging about how he got his finger in someone's butt.

It's, it's just fucking pathetic. Uh, anyway, I have, uh, I'd be impressed with the seventh grader, actually. I'm not impressed with Corey Feldman, but the seventh grader getting a finger in the butt at seventh grade. That's pretty good. Well, it happens on accident more than you think. We have a very kind of strict regimen school.

Number one, we will put them on the angel diet. That means no meat of any kind. I'm a fruitarian, which means that I only eat fruit. Number two, exercise. Your diet. I like what you guys are. Right. Number three, we don't allow men on the property unless they're invited guests.

Like a normal. That's how you do it. This lifestyle is not for the close minded or faint of heart. I strive every day to do God's will. And this is what God wants. And to be fair, there were a lot of living arrangements in the Bible. Very similar to this. That's true.

Uh, there were a lot of human purchases. This is, this is much closer to traditional marriage than what like modern Republicans mean when they say we need to go back to like the Bible. The Old Testament definition of traditional marriage looked way more like this, like one wealthy person with a compound. Uh, acquiring, acquiring various women and telling them what they could eat. One mime and five sex slaves. That's, that's how our country was built.

Uh, so, uh, I guess Corey has shown off that he's a sex trafficker. And, you know, what he, what he's done is obviously he didn't invent this. Uh, he copied it from Hugh Hefner and many, many thousands of people have also tried to copy Hugh Hefner. Uh, they give a copy of the rules to Tommy Davidson's wife, uh, who herself looks like an angel. She's a very beautiful woman. Uh, and she's reading this off.

She's super like square though. And when she sees this, it's like angels must be coachable and teachable. And she's like, dude, this is fucking fucked. This whole thing is fucking fucked. And, and Corey spends the whole time like just trying to touch her. Like he's like trying to give her hugs all the time as if like he'd counted a sexual conquest to be touched Tommy Davidson's wife's boobs with his shirt. Anyway, uh, it's counting cool on her.

He, he tells her that she needs, she's like, I don't like your outfit. She's like, what's wrong with my outfit? He goes, it looked better on the floor. And she's like, what the fuck, dude? You just met me. And then he's like, tries to talk her into wearing a pink robe over underpants because that's what the girls in his house wear. And, and she says no very clearly.

And then, then she reappears later in a pink robe and underwear. Right. It's very clear that the producers were like, listen, this isn't going to work unless you get no, yeah. I mean, that's the whole bit of the show is that you, you get out of your comfort zone for like comical, whatever. So there's no way they expected anything like this though. They were like, I'm going to, I'm going to go with fucking Jim Belushi's house.

I don't know. I'm going to find out he's messy. Like to get, to get, to go on this show as a kind of square couple and get a sex cult. Yeah, no, if you're Jim Belushi's house, you have to hang gong, fucking dick out the whole time. The second you cross the threshold, get it out. We call it a hog hunt.

So, so hog hoods start Jim Belushi and a German shepherd. Oh, so just the act of pointing out the situation starts to unravel these women's lives. Like she's like, oh, you guys are in a sex cult. This is fucking stupid. And they're like, what? No, Corey helps us. Corey was going to get us job.

And I don't know, Corey's trying to look cool and missing wildly while this woman's just like, no, this, you shouldn't be doing this. And he's like, you, you're not even that hot. We could get you super hot if we just fed you fruit all the time. And she has to explain, no, you don't, you don't judge the bodies of women you just met. You're a fucking lipless goblin who's 70 pounds in a big hat. Anyway, the point is Corey Feldman sucks and probably shouldn't be commenting

on people's body because he looks like a car to an elderly man. And then it cuts like a picture of him. He's like, why is that the one that gets me? He says, people are constantly comparing me to Michael Jackson. They say, I look like Michael Jackson. My clothes are like Michael Jackson. My music is like, you know, whatever, like even he couldn't have a point. He just, he's just like, yeah.

And they say that a lot of people call it Michael Jackson music. And you guys think that's cool. Right. I do like when he watches the girls work out because they're like doing stretches and hops and stuff. And obviously they don't do this all day. This is for the cameras and he is not joining them. I don't think he's lifted something in 40 years.

And Corey tries to get Tommy Davidson's wife to do like a sexy photo shoot. He just gives her a big pile of panties. Like, look at this G string song. And anyway, he's he's like, she's like, oh, we're like a swimming suit cover up, you fucking goblin. And he's like, I can't see your body. The whole the whole show is like this. This guy just desperately trying to touch another man's wife or see her boobs.

And then in the same breath being like, I just believe in the beauty of God and trying to take care of all of God's creatures. It's just it's a nightmare. He's a little bit of naked blonde creatures. That's how I think of you naked blonde creatures. Another of the 37 points at which I almost dropped out of watching the episode before I finally quit was when they staged a thing where I think it was during when he was talking about the rules of his of the Corey's Angels

and talking about the workout regimen. And then it had the three of them in like, you know, sports bras and tiny shorts. And they were like bending over, doing some more sort of like down with dog thing. And then he was sitting right behind them, looking up their buttholes. And then they were doing it was like a bit from the 1960s. Like it was like a Benny Hilskit. Yeah, it's like a high. I love the yeah, I love to watch you work out like it's the weirdest.

Now, what I believe he said exactly was like watching you. That's exactly what he said. Yes, didn't pull it out of it. So if, yeah, of course, if you try to pull a clip of that, your computer just disappears into a void of darkness. It doesn't want to hear that shit. It no longer exists in our universe anymore. It's gone to it's gone to the event horizon hell zone.

It is so weird and stilted that it almost comes off like he actually doesn't find this arousing at all. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's like it's like if he was made to pretend to be. A different sexual orientation than he is. It's so weirdly stilted and so weird like he's going so over the top. I didn't take it in that way exactly. I thought it was more like virgin energy.

Like like these are women who have an agreement to live here with no touching. And he's like, oh, boy, I sure like having sex with all these dames. You know, I don't know. That's really what's in the contract is that they can't contradict him when he implies that they have sex. See, I. But you got like every single moment he talks or implies like how much sex he's having with the angels.

It feels kind of like a 13 year old boy in middle school boasting to his other 13 year old friends about all of the poon tank he's getting. Yeah, it's like so it's so clear. Like obviously any adult to hear some teenager boasting about like you can tell they've never touched a woman in their life. It's it feels like that. And I don't want to make the accusation that this is not a sex cult. Like he's trying like he stated that, you know, this is hey, this is my sex

called for me to come out and say, no, there this is just a cult. There's actually no sex happening here. I think that would be actionable. So I'm not I'm not accusing him of that. You don't like you don't believe in a sex part of the cult. The energy is so phony that one of two things is true that there is secretly no sex in his sex cult or he is so bad at acting. Do when he's just trying to act like horny guy looking at hot babes,

he doesn't know how to do the mannerisms in voice because that's how bad he is at acting. Yeah, I think it could be any of those. But I think the last one could they have lied to him about what sex is. Could the angels be exploiting Corey this whole time? Like we have it backwards and they're telling him that sex is is like when they clap it is Michael Jackson dancing and like that's sex, you know, for 45 minutes, we've already had lots of sex today. Every time you reverse an uno, that's sex.

That's what they mean by switching positions. Do you not know about sex, Corey? Oh, no, no, I know. I knew that was sex. I knew that was sex. There's there's some moments of realness in the show where where Tommy Davidson's wife takes the woman's women aside and they're like, dude, you should maybe go to college. Like this isn't going to help you in life. She doesn't say all this stuff on camera.

But like she does tell them to go to college. But I'm sure she gave them a talk about how this fucking guy can't. He's not a talent booker. He's not a talent agent. He's he's nothing. He can't get you work any better than literally anyone in Hollywood. And Corey Feldman is he keeps calling out like backstabbing. He's like, how dare you speak to them behind my back? And then with tears in his eyes, he screamed, you're not going to let her destroy my entire company.

And so that that was a pretty real moment. But that's one normal woman came in once and the whole thing fell apart. The whole thing is crumbling. Like all it took is one woman to say there's a life outside of this terrible situation. And and he's like, damn it, you're you're killing everything. But whatever, they they seem like they're having fun in a weird, dark, like you're forced away. Yeah, like,

like they're definitely on Corey's team when an argument starts. They're like, no, if we are happy here, we are having we are getting our education. And I don't it's if you haven't seen it, it's really hard to get through. But it's it's it's powerful and super gross. And when they finally reunite the wives and husbands together, Corey Feldman spends the whole time like grinning and leering at Tommy Davidson about how high I almost saw your wife's boobs. It was just like the fact that Tommy didn't punch him is really fucked up to me.

And he spends the whole time complaining like your wife talked to the girls behind my back about going out and seeking other opportunities. And then he tells a sob story about how these poor, poor girls need Corey. He makes him sound like he just picks up homeless women at bus stations and like gives them underpants and saves again fruit. You get underpants and fruit if you come live with me. Oh, you can eat in the back. Hold on. Again, I did not get to this part of the episode.

So did he seriously say I intentionally go out and find disadvantaged women who have nothing else and are from broken homes and almost work for. Yes. These are broken women who who need him. And that's and he gives them a chance. He said that before a few times about how we like he goes to bus stations and waits for women that look lost like they got off the bus and they don't know what to do next.

And then he that's when he gives them his spiel. It is like a child's idea of what you would do with like fame and power. You'd like, oh, I'm just going to find women like starry eyed, come into Hollywood and turn them into sex slaves. So all the way out after just like really insulting them and being really petulant and difficult, he gives Tommy Davidson a hug. He's like, maybe make a movie one day. So he's still he's still trying to like make a network that

tried to kidnap your wife. It didn't work. Just too strong for me. Let's do movies. It says a little six weeks later, Sting and Caitlyn finally finished her angel training and has a picture of her and her broad panties. So great work to Caitlyn. She's ready to literally never do anything. I didn't find anything she's ever done. She's done Corey Feldman is what happened.

Yeah, that's true. She that's how you get your wings. Let's have a couple of times at HPV. So a year later, Corey Feldman stopped doing the parties, saying basically the the article from Vice, he didn't mention the wife swap article, I don't think, but he said it damages brand. So also, he wasn't paying rent for that place and he got in trouble for that. I'm sure his neighbors complained a lot.

I thought an article about not I hear that all the time with these like celebrity dealer celebrities living in million dollar houses in California like, oh, he hasn't paid rent in four years. So he's getting kicked out. How do you fucking teach me how to get away with that? Don't teach me how to fucking start a sex cult. Teach me how to exploit free rent for four years from a million dollar mansion. That's worth money.

I have the press release from when he stopped throwing these these rager parties that everyone loved. One of the world's favorite actors and musicians has been the victim of negativity from the press. Corey Feldman is loved by all for his iconic roles in blockbuster movies, such as Gremlins, The Goonies and Stand By Me. But now Feldman is going public that he feels betrayed by a media outlet.

He doesn't name that. OK, back to the quoting. Feldman has received international exposure for his multi-tiered three sixty management, development and production entity called Corey's Angels. The company is known for creating an environment where women who have endured abuse and torture throughout their lives could live in an atmosphere free of judgment and criticism while feeling appreciated and beautiful. In torture.

You find torture. Confession, torture. Yes, it's a confession. He's like, he's very proud of all of his crimes. I take down the luck and abused women and I. Shift that abuse into a more sexual nature. So I guess the rest of this more that it's obviously written by Corey Feldman on how like beloved he is and how great Corey's Angel is and how like it's

just because that one vice article that we stopped doing the parties. But I just love it because all it takes is for someone to look at Corey Feldman and his life falls apart. Vicer's like, we'll send one one reporter to talk about your party, destroy this party. We'll take one fucking camera crew and look at Corey's Angels. And the whole world is like, this is a sex cult. I have another clip here.

This is when Corey and the Angels played at a collegiate summer baseball league game. This went around. You might have seen this. I saw that one. Oh, I've seen all of them. I am unfortunately a connoisseur of these clips. But please, I'm just going to play it.

You know, play it's just it's just that for like 40 seconds. You could barely understand what you can't hear the people throwing batteries at him. We must we must now seamlessly transition into talking about Corey's hit single in music video, Ascension Millenium, what a miracle, because that's the song. That is the track that was playing there. If you were if people were listening to that, like, I've got a Shazam that I've got a Shazam will come up with nothing.

Shazam will come up with a big question mark. What the fucking talking about? I tried to I tried to say with my my phone transformed into a spider and crawled away like a thing. Belman, this this fucking guy, it sounds like like a Michael Jackson song written by an AI, like the first gin of AI. It's it's frustrating because it's it like I probably had her here at five or six times before I understood at all what it what the words were or

remember them at all in any way, because it's it's aggressive chaos and nonsense. Because Ascension Millenium, you probably noticed, doesn't mean anything. The lyric sites genius.com surely does not have Ascension Millenium. Where's that key? Oh, there it is. And finally, Hark, the heavenly gates have opened and on the 22nd day, the angels said shall descend upon the earth. Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Dada, Ascension Millenium times four.

Welcome to the dawn of everything you can become. You will not know the reason yet of why you're here, but you could bet that they will let you have the chance to be the master of the dance. It's it's I don't I don't know. It's kind of about the rapture. It's it's like Cori's angels rapture. And if you go and watch the video, it is a sort of a one shot style video of like a day in the life of Corey Feldman in the the Corey the Feld mansion.

Is that the Cori verse day in the life of the Cori verse? We don't need to make up these funny terms. He uses these like like the Feld mansion, I think, is his term. Isn't it the list of rules she had to read where he was called the Feld manual? That's right. That's much better than the dog mansion. And it's like a one shot thing of him, like getting out of bed and he's singing the song and he puts on these little half gloves

that only cover his knuckles or they're like or they're like child gloves that don't fit on his hand. I remember that because he couldn't get them on and they'd like fuck it. We're just going to do the one take, Corey. And the whole and the whole video is like sponsored by this energy drink. You've never heard of, but he's got like signs for it everywhere. This defunct energy drink that he somehow got them to, I don't know, to maybe fund this video.

The the NFTs of 2011. Right. Sean Aston was there looking at the Goonies map with him. Yeah, for some reason, Sean Aston shows up in the video. I don't know if they are still friends or if he was if he's part of the now, Corey saved his life once. This is this is the favor that's returning. He pushed him out of the way of a truck.

Yeah, there's every Goonies star gets one favor from Sean Aston. But you don't have any more of a sentient millennium queued up in your sound. I just I just quit it because I love that clip because it's like it's so weird. He's kind of dancing around. He puts a lot of energy into these weird little shows. Like there's sort of like 20 people from the baseball game surrounding him.

And all the girls are in underwear pretending to play instruments. Probably I don't think they're really playing. And it's it's somehow baseball fans hate that. Yeah, it's just all these bored little kids like almost touching these these naked sex workers. And I'm like, Corey, this you didn't think this through. And he's just kind of set up on the walkway on the way to the pretzels. Like it's not a stage.

And because he was not authorized to play there. Right. It was it wasn't planned. He was supposed to be there doing like a meet and greet. All this fucking audio equipment he just showed up with. The baseball team had to issue an apology, which was I quote. While the nature of the appearance was not what we had anticipated for the evening. We would like to apologize to all the fans who may have been offended by its content. See, a college summer baseball league apologize for.

Apologize for your performance. Oh, shit. Now, here's the thing. If someone did a reality show about Corey Feldman. I would watch it if he wasn't in on it. Right. Like I could not. I cannot tolerate the way he does these things where he's like, look at how wild and crazy my lifestyle is.

I'm famous person. Corey Feldman and then trying to like scratch out a side living off of his, you know, his fame. If it was just watching just a straight up raw documentary about him trying to set the stuff up like like that baseball appearance. Everything about him trying to book that about what he actually told them, what they thought, what they agreed to negotiating where he would be allowed to perform, I would like, no, perform what?

No, I would watch that with morbid, just absolute morbid fascination every minute of it, because it would be such a portrait of someone trying to cling to fame, trying to trick other people into thinking he's way more famous than he is. Like it is. There's only layers there every level. But the moment it's like him saying, oh, this documentary about my crazy, crazy life is going to be what puts me back on the map.

It would run like it would be unwatchable. Like when he's looking into the camera, whatever it is, it's I can't handle it. Right. Well, there was a Hollywood Reporter article that came out in 2016 that sort of just like asked him like, what the fuck, dude? Like, are you are you having sex with the the Corey's Angels? Like this is a sex cult, right? And he goes the whole thing. This is Corey's quote.

The whole thing started, honestly, with girls that I was dating. And, you know, before I met Courtney, I was a bit of a playboy. And, you know, certainly not in a bad way. I was never a player per se. I was never the guy that would like, you know, date women and tell them they were the one and only and then secretly date five other girls. A lot of the girls that I was dating, you know, they were all kind of telling me the same thing, which was like, hey, I have this passion for art or, you know,

I'm a musician, I'm a singer, I'm an actress. But a lot of them were selling so short. They were going to try to do Playboy. And that was their like the biggest goal to be kind of a glam girl, TNA model, that type of stuff. So that's Corey trying to, I guess, apologize. Substituted that with a lesser goal. Yes. Like, do you playboy?

Do nothing. Do like my buddy Murray's house where you show up in your underpants and play pool. He did say in that interview that he the NDA that he forced the girls in a sex cult assigned was made up by the show's producers, and he went along with it for fun. Now, this is the kind of childlike lie that I talk about from Corey Feldman, because in that show, he was passionate about that contract. They tore up that contract and he fucking threw a fit.

He was literally crying because Tommy Davidson's wife tore up the contract and said this contract is a bad idea. He gave passion explanations for how it's a contract. You can't tear up a contract. A contract is a contract. And here he is going, oh, it's just like a little goof, a little goof that producers want me to go along with. So I was like, I threw him a bone, made the show a little better.

So anyway, he came out in this, I think it was this article where he said they don't have to sleep with me, which is. Which is the worst thing you could say in that moment. A really bad thing to say. Yes, would have been a much better thing to say. I don't need to read this whole article's tragic, right? I have, instead of that, I have a hearsay story about Corey Feldman. I can't name the source, but I've used them as a source for an article before.

And they wrote a film called Fart in the Movie. Anyway, he was at a trampoline gym and he heard an adult arguing with an employee at the trampoline gym, complaining that little kids were throwing the dodgeballs too hard. And so this man, who I will not name, went around the corner and saw that the adult arguing was Corey Feldman. I don't have any more context. I can't prove that happened.

But someone told me that Corey Feldman argued with the employee of a trampoline park that the children were throwing the dodgeballs too hard. That just happened. These these super human children are rocketing these dodgeballs into my tiny elfin body, and it's destroying me, sir. It is knocking parts off of me. The other thing I really loved, Corey Feldman did this thing on the Today Show, which became very famous.

This is very viral in 2016. I have a clip from that. And you dedicated one album to Michael Jackson and the other to Corey Hame. Is that right? Yeah, there's there's actually four dedications. One of my grandfather, one to Corey Hame, one to Michael Jackson, Majestic, who was also a friend of Michael's. There's going to be some M.J. Moves coming here in a minute.

I just kind of come up with a new move. Yeah, it's kind of a similar style of dance because we grew up dancing together. So he was my idol, obviously. And a lot of my intuitions that you have that feeling. It's like to go down and shut the fuck up and get to it. Let's do this. We're going to go for it. Here we go. It's a very bold claim from a 45 year old man

who's been publicly doing a Michael Jackson impersonation since he was 12. And oh, shit. Look, I own the book, Choreography, written by Corey Feldman. Let's see. Let me just open up for some passages here. But there was something about watching Michael the way he moved, so smooth, so fluid as if sliding across the ice. I guess I sort of got the fever because suddenly I could dance just like Michael Jackson.

Not that I was prepared to show anybody, at least not yet, but locked in my room, practicing the moonwalk in front of the mirror. I felt good about myself. By the time I was finishing up Gremlins in the winter of 1984, my love of Michael Jackson had turned into a full blown obsession. Someone I no longer remember who bought me one of those glittery Michael Jackson gloves. So, um, yes, this is a guy. You were the answer to that.

You did that. This is a guy confessing to practicing in his room. The moves he saw Michael Jackson do on TV before he had grown up with Michael Jackson. In the Jackson five. OK, well, this is something that needs to be clarified, because he talks a lot about his friendship with Michael Jackson. I know that a lot of the listeners expect some sort of like crass joke about child molestation or something.

People actually straight up have asked him that. Did Michael Jackson, you know, molest you or whatever? And he says, absolutely not. We were just good friends. Now, my question was, were they friends? I'm so glad you asked. Because the time, like he'll do a phone call with Michael Jackson. And that's like three pages of his book.

He once got Michael Jackson's voicemail and realized Michael had changed his number. And this became quite a story. So I'll just read the story. But friending an already legendary entertainer was improbable enough. Staying in contact with him was a whole other matter. These were the days before cell phones and the Internet, after all. And Michael was a person who traveled the world, lived in a sort of self-imposed, if also necessary, bubble and was something of a paranoid.

He had his phone number changed over a few months. The first time I figured this out was when I called him and got an automated recording telling me the number I had dialed had been disconnected. That's it. I thought you're never going to talk again. Eventually, he explained this was just a matter of course. No, silly. I'm not changing my number because of you, he said. But I soon learned that when Michael changed his number, he changed all of his numbers.

At the time, he was living in Havenhurst, the Jackson family compound in Encina, which by then had been outfitted with the recording studio, production facilities and multiple offices, including space for his personal assistant. All of these departments had their own private telephone lines, but the numbers themselves were sequential. So if Michael's private number was, say, 788-8234, it stood to reason that the other numbers to the main house, to the recording studio, to his production offices and to the security gate would be 788-8235-8236-8237 and so on.

If I hadn't yet been given his new private line, I could usually figure it out. So this is Corey Feldman's close personal relationship with Michael Jackson, developing dance moves together while he's fucking punching random numbers into the phone, trying to get him. Well, he's crude, crude, early hacking. He's phone freaking Michael Jackson. We're the best friends. Don't worry. He does claim that he talked to Michael regularly about every two weeks

during the later production of Goonies. I looked up the production schedule and my napkin math puts that in about four phone calls. So again, amazing. He talked to the greatest performer of all time four times. That's I would love to speak to Michael Jackson four times. They invited him to the set of the Goonies. Then years later, he went to a big party at Michael's house. Like these are the things that happen.

He tells little stories of every single time he and Michael hung out, and it looks like it was about five times. I did clip one more story. Quote, your butt is mine. Hello, I gripped the phone receiver tighter, tighter against my ear. Corey, it's Michael. Your butt is mine. What? What are you talking about? Going to make it right. What?

Do you like those words? They're the lyrics to my new song. It's called Bad. Michael and I hadn't spoken in a few months. That's that's OK. Give me I just need a moment. You can. You can you can edit this out of the podcast, but I just need I need to sit here for a moment. Yeah, let's just take that in.

So in the context of a lie, you're going to tell about a celebrity. And he sat down and wrote this extremely because of all the things that have never happened in the universe, nothing has ever not happened to the degree that that phone call did not happen. Like that ties the record for the most didn't happen thing in the history of existence. I'm going to go ahead and just read that passage again, which again, if you feel like this is too repetitive for the podcast, this is just for me.

It's very important. I'll do the voice. Your butt is mine. Hello, I gripped the phone receiver tighter against my ear. Corey, it's Michael. Your butt is mine. What? What are you talking about? Going to make it right. What? Do you like those words? They're the lyrics to my new song. It's called Bad.

Michael and I hadn't spoken in a few months. I mean, he calls you up to just say song lyrics, specifically the ones completely out of line that would provoke this exact reaction. Your butt is mine. That this is what he wants us to think his relationship with Michael Jackson was, and that this is the type of conversation they would have. And that he in the beginning thought that

the joke is that at the beginning of the call, he thought someone had called to threaten him, a stalker or whatever. And it's like, no, it's Michael Jackson telling telling me the lyrics to this new song he's writing called Bad. And that part of that songwriting process is to pick up the phone and call Corey Feldman and run past him. So in a way, it's like I wrote Bad with him. I mean, I'm not credited as a writer on Bad,

but that's because we both agreed that I didn't need that kind of attention. Well, Michael called me when he was doing the Free Willy song, but not for the lyrics part, but in the middle of that song, when he just goes, do me up, show me, do me. And I'm like, yeah, he said, oh, that's good. Yeah, put that up. Put that in there. So what I'm learning is that Corey Feldman has had several decades

of experience lying about Corey Feldman, and he's still not good at it. Well, here's the thing. I obviously don't think that story is real. And that was a problem Corey ran into a lot. Here's another quote from the book. Being friends with Michael had its difficulties. Either no one believed me, at least no one outside the entertainment industry. The kids I knew from school tended to be rather skeptical

or everyone wanted me to arrange an introduction. On that day, I had brought with me a little tape recorder. I put it in the pocket of my parachute pants. What is that? He asked as I climbed into the car. What? It looks like you have a brick in your pocket. Oh, I had already forgotten. It was there. It's a tape recorder.

I was wondering if I could record some of our conversation today. Just to have it, you know, just to keep. So here here's like how close to close personal friends act is one of them records the conversation to prove that he's met the other. And so and the other hates that and it's immediately suspicious of it. Right, we're talking about the day show appearance. Um, because I just wanted to prove that he did not grow up with Michael. He did not learn dance moves from Michael.

And so for the host of the day show, say, hey, we're going to see some M.J. moves and for him to take offense to that is fucking crazy. And while he was doing that today show appearance, four days before they filmed that one of the hot girls says, no, I don't want to do this because I've seen your dance moves. This is going to be a fucking disaster with almost supernatural future seeing powers. And I have a quote from an article about that guitarist, Crystal Kali,

who plays with Blues musician guitar shorty was asked by Feldman to perform on the show with his backup angels, but she quit four days before the appearance saying I kind of knew it was going to be a shit show and an embarrassment. And that Feldman's dancing during rehearsals was distracting. I couldn't look at him. Kali lives in Las Vegas. As Feldman did not offer to pay her and that she used a roommate's air miles to pay for a plane to L.A. to rehearse.

Once there, Feldman offered to pay for meals, but he only eats once a day. He did, however, pay for an airline ticket to New York. So that's the kind of job that Corey gets these out of work ladies. He's like, God, I could fucking turn your life around. I can't pay for your air travel. One meal a day. One square meal a day. Wait, no, sorry, not square.

It's pineapple. Yeah, it's one fruit a day. OK, so how do you think Corey handled it when his drummer. Ducked out four days before the gig. I'm going to say he pretended like it was all his idea and that it was super cool. Well, I'm going to play the voicemail he left for her. Chris, so it's Corey. I am I'm wanting to believe that this is a joke.

You got to be joking, right? This isn't real, like no human being on this earth would be selfish enough and egotistical enough and fucked up in the head enough to fuck friends over like this at the last minute. Like, you know that I spent real money and you know that I'm struggling and you know how hard it has been to get to this point. And like no person would do this to another group of people that they call friends unless you're like a soulless, careless, like inhumane fucking piece of shit.

So I really hope for all fucking practical purposes that this is a fucking elaborate joke and that you're going to call and say that this was all a joke or you were just playing or something. Because if I don't fucking hear from you, girl, your name is fucking mud. Let me tell you, don't even bother coming back to LA because you'll never get another gig in that fucking town ever. Like, I will fucking make sure everybody knows what a piece of shit you are. Okay, cool.

You actually tried, you'll never work in this town again. You'll never work in LA again. That's how much Paul Corey Feldman's judgment of other people has with all of the power players that you go up to, you go, you walk into, you know, Sony, anywhere, any company. And they're like, hey, Corey Feldman says this person's like a flay. He tried to do a project and they refused to do it once they saw him dance. We actually have your face up on the Corey board here.

Every business has this is yeah. This is a lifetime ban from doing anything because you drop out, you drop out of a gig with Corey Feldman. Like how can we trust you? A nonpaying gay where he offered to pay for your one, your one bowl of fruit a day. You throw away one point five pineapples. Here's the thing about Corey Feldman. I, he says an hour and 20 minutes of the podcast.

I didn't know there were real people like this because this caricature turns up in movies all the time, like the person who is like the former child star or the formerly famous person trying to cling to fame. And it's very sad. Like it's a common, you know, comedies make fun of this character all the time in the boys, you know, if they have the kid from the sixth sense playing like the whole joke as he's playing

to burned out former child star. What's that kid's name? Now an adult. Daily Joe. Yeah, Haley Joe. Yeah. And he plays and it's it plays in those tropes. Like he's at these sad autograph shows and trying to cling to like, you know,

that that character was in the movie. Nope. You know, like this is a whole thing. Like the former child actor doing increasingly sad publicity stuff. And then the sleazy Hollywood very small time person who is somehow the worst at, do you know who I am? I'm I'm whatever. I'm, you know, I'm Justin Royland's sister or whatever. Like the weirdest card to pull on people.

I thought that was just like a joke person that. I didn't know the highlight that L.A. was like full of that actual person. And maybe there maybe it's not. Maybe it literally is just Corey Feldman. Yeah, he's the inspiration for all of that. All of those are Corey Feldman references, you'll find. If you watch the behind scenes personifies it so hard that it's so hard

to believe it's not a bit because you would think he would notice himself doing the thing that other people make fun of, right? Like, oh, those words that just came out of my mouth that I think Corey Feldman runs Hollywood. You know who I am? I'm one of the Corey's, not the main one. He's dead. I'm the other one. I trust Corey Feldman's judgment is my point.

He said that actually went really viral because it was a it was a disaster that lady was right and everyone made fun of it. But it became a very popular today show clip. So they had him back on again. And here's what he said. Listen, you know, we were reading some of these tweets and they bordered on just awful. Insanity.

Insanity. Insanity. You know, you were hearing from a lot of people, pink. Yeah, pink Kesha, Miley Cyrus, Paris Jackson. Michael Jackson's daughter reached out to him. Yes, and she was lovely, lovely young girl. When did you realize that it was all noise and you needed to be true to you? You know what?

A friend of mine who actually helped, he's an investor of mine. His name is Brian McMullen and he was on the phone with me. I was all depressed and I was crying and he said, think of it this way. When kids first started, when Eminem first started, when Nirvana first started, they all got hate. People were turning them off at the radio stations. People were walking off the dance floor at the clubs because it didn't make sense to them at that time.

But those all became amazing legends. So just think of it that way. And that really turned it around for me because I'm like, you know what? You're right. A lot of people get hate in the beginning because we're doing something new. It hasn't been done before the beginning. I bet you have been doing this 35 years.

The gall to say we're doing something new. You're doing Michael Jackson impressions. How old is Corey Feldman now? I think he's 50, almost 50. But yeah, he's he's to to to put a spin on it that like, oh, people just don't get stuff at the beginning of a movement after he's put out like eight albums of the same shit that everyone's like, yeah, this isn't very good playing.

And it's not like the crowds are slowly getting bigger and he's getting more and more traction. It's right. He's been at this for a very, very long time and has not changed to the sound at all. Now, OK, and I should not have to clarify this. Obviously, sticking with your thing long after the audience has moved on, I actually respect that.

I actually love it like the old, you know, hair metal bands in the 80s. I see it. They're still like playing bars and stuff because they love playing music. And to be frank, they they can still, you know, they can still find women to bang. And it's like, hey, I'm from whatever, Scorpion, whatever. Like, but they're still going to.

They're showing up at the at the county fair in the square. They love playing music and they don't care that this is what they're going to do. And they're going to do it till they're old. I am all for that. The issue is not that Corey Feldman has continued to play music all this time. When people stop reading my books, which will happen, I'm going to keep writing them because I wrote them before people read them. And I will keep writing them for nobody because it's fun.

It's what I it's what I know how to do. The issue is that he's so intent on becoming famous again. And he's so sure that he can go back to 1980s level. Corey Feldman fame when he just had this window of the right age, the right era, the right working with, you know, some truly great directors, that kind of thing. That's what's tragic about it. It's not tragic that he has a band.

I that's actually, you know, the little tragic that his band is made up of sex slaves. That's the issue that it's in the execution. Yeah, agreed. Well, not everybody thinks Corey Feldman is a joke. He was invited to speak at a vegan cult. I have a speech. It is five minutes long. We don't listen to the whole thing, but I think you'll really love it.

He's in friendly and we had such a great experience. And then we got these books in the mail. It's talking about the cult. Big, beautiful, giant box sets of the performances, all the information about it. And we showed them to all of our friends at Christmas. It was just a beautiful experience. And then we didn't hear anything from you for many years. So we thought, well, that was interesting, you know, and we moved on.

And and in that time, in that last seven years, since I've had the honor of seeing you all, I've been working for some very important things of my own. We always work towards progress. I've been a vegetarian since I was 12 years old. Why do you think talking was Mike? Because once I was old enough at like 11 to understand that the same animals that were in the cartoons were the ones that were our friends. And they were the same ones on our plate.

What sense does that make? Yeah, it makes zero sense. I don't think we eat cartoons. But unfortunately, I think step one of that analogy was wrong. It makes a lot of dollars. And that's where the global economy is at, unfortunately. But we're changing it. We're seeing progress.

We're seeing growth from the time that I started being a vegetarian. And I was the crazy person at school that would say no, I can't eat that meat lunch at school. You know, when I was 12. And now the great story for the crowd. But they love it to a school that is a vegan based whole foods, nutritional menu. Corey Feldman did that Congress. No, wait, wait, wait, wait change. So I've been fortunate enough to work with some of the great animal rights

activism centers around America, around the world, the Humane Society, PETA, last chance for animals. Mercy for animals. Mercy for animals. Thank you. You're up again. So mad. I'm so mad right now.

And everybody heard that. Not only the environment, but I'm also working on protecting our children, our children who have been ignored for a long, long time. And I'm trying to change laws by creating a movement. And that movement is called kids to. It's my answer. It's 2.0. And it's hashtag kids to because God's children, all of us, all of us are God's

children, and we all deserve a chance to live our lives to the fullest, innocently and purely and with love. So I'm creating a film at home. It's a documentary. And I'm also writing a very powerful book to talk about everything that I've experienced in trying to tell the truth, because a lot of people don't want to hear the truth. And it's the same in the meat and dairy industry.

It's the same in the agriculture and the farming. In many ways, the struggle is the same as where people say there is no climate change and you say, what are you crazy? You know, it's the same. People put earplugs in their ears and they don't want to hear the truth. But I'm here as a fighter for the truth. And I know that you are a supreme master. And I thank you so much for your truth.

The cult leaders named supreme master fight. And for all the blessings and the good that you're doing this week, thank you, supreme master. I don't believe it's a cult either. I, too, understand the power of contracts. Oh, no. And that's about Michael Jackson. It's called Black or White.

It's Ms. Courtney and Mitchell or now Courtney Ann Feldman, who's going to be singing with me. She's got a keyboard solo for you. It's an honor to be here. We're so grateful to be here and we appreciate you so welcoming to us and all these people that have been so welcoming. Mine was. That's what we need in the world right now is more compassion and kindness for

one another and more low animals, more compassion. You know, they didn't know he was going to perform here either. It's the baseball stadium all over. It's like panic in the back. That's behind the scenes. What the fuck is he doing? Get him off. All we have to do is care about one another.

All we have to do is be compassionate for one another. And when I say that, I don't mean just let's pray for each other or let's start a sex cult, let's pray for every being that lives on this planet. But no man on every being that lives on this planet is one of God's children and deserves the empathy and the love and the compassion from the trees to the animals to each other. So this song is called It's So Simple. She is going to join me singing beautiful background vocals.

I hope you guys enjoy it. It's totally different than anything else you're going to hear. I'm sure today, but hopefully you open your mind to something new. Thank you. He's already apologizing for the song. Wow, he's in years old only and already so conscious. Bless you. And your dress is beautiful.

So. We're journeying through space. They just cut his song from the broadcast. The cult. I knew it. I knew he wasn't authorized to perform the vegan cult after that me entering speech, cut his song. I love it so much.

I love how his entire philosophy on life is so childlike. Just I saw the cartoon animals and now friends and I said, we can't eat our cartoon friends. Well, I asked Michael, do we really eat cartoons? And he said, yes. He said, your bird is mine. Your bird, when he said. And then today, he said there's referenced a kid going to a vegan based school.

He didn't say his child. He doesn't have children. Does he? He said his child, but I think he did say his kid. I don't know if he has an inspirational story. He said, now living in LA, I can send my child to a private cult school. Oh, a hypothetical child. He's not saying he does that. He doesn't actually have.

But I think he was taking credit for it because of my actions in my sex cult. There are more vegetarians now. Right. And if I did have a kid through sex, through real sex, which I have with women all the time, and I'm good at it at the squirting and the poking. So he references. He references something that I guess is the elephant in the room at this point, which is that.

It is every once in a while, like every few months on Reddit, it will surface an interview he did way back in the day with Barrow Walters, I guess, where he talks about like widespread sexual abuse in Hollywood. And then she like shuts them down and makes fun of them. And of course, it turns out one, the idea that there's all sorts of weird sex perverts in Hollywood like Corey Feldman should never have been should never have been laughed off as like a ridiculous conspiracy theory. Correct. Like, I'm sorry.

That's not like we're doing a show about it. It wasn't the 2017. It is not when we discovered that there's weird sex perverts in Hollywood. That was a running joke, the casting couch and all of that. Literally from the day they built the first studio in 1906 or whatever. So but then he claimed that he and other child stars were constantly sexually abused, which, again, very believable claim because, again, if you have casting agents and it is known

that you're going to be able to see like the most attractive children in these parents who are desperate for them to get famous, they're going to leave you in the room with them, that will attract predators because they know that's that's where they'll have an opportunity. That's where that's what they do. They get those jobs. So he talked about how, you know, like I tried to blow the lid off of this. Nobody believed me.

And then he will occasionally occasionally it will go viral as like, hey, this is a good guy who was shun from the industry because he was a whistleblower. Like this is why he doesn't have a career anymore. And it's always by well meaning people who don't know what Corey Feldman has spent the last correct having these doing. This is a these are terrible and tragic allegations. And I don't know what happened to him because he's so dishonest and gross

himself, but and a lot of the stories he's he's claimed have been, you know, contradicted by other people involved. And they're very childlike like his stories. It's I don't want to say them out loud. But you like hearing like this is like what a fucking 10 year old would make up. And he also he does it as like a direct money making scheme. Like in 2017, he tried to raise 10 million dollars for a film that would finally reveal the names of all his abusers.

And he didn't get it. So he took a reality show gig with his brother, who seems to hate him to raise the money to finish the film. And then everything went haywire because he's Corey Feldman. So they had a live stream when they finished the film and it broke during the premiere and he claimed that was evil Hollywood abusers hacking his website. Totally stupid. Who is a complete shit show?

I just can't believe anything he says. And he keeps trying to fold the I'm going to blow the lid off this into just another one of his. He did it in the middle of that fucking vegan cult speech. Like, I love you. Thank you for having me. I'm going to blow the lid off these allegations in a book coming up. Yeah. And he works it in right as just another one of his little hustles.

He's got going on. Yeah. That's that's where this. I mentioned at the very top of the show, like the unspeakable tragedy and the hilarious tragic comic figure, like it just dances on the knife's edge. That's why I find it so fascinating because. He. Look, there's lots of child actors who grew up to be totally normal people and have, in fact, just become adult actors.

Like, lots of the adult actors that you've forgotten were child actors. They got their start doing commercials when they're five years old. They've been in the business their whole lives and they're fine. There are lots of normal people in Hollywood. This is one of the things people don't realize. That's one of the deep dark secrets. All these people, they're just boring. A lot of them don't live in Hollywood.

Like they come in and shoot their movie. Then they go back and live in Montana like Harrison Ford. Like Tommy Davidson. Not. Yeah, a lot of these people are normal, well-justed people. So why he couldn't just have a normal life? I get that he had several bombs in a row and got put in movie jail or whatever. You know, you stop getting roles.

But he chose a path that was very much his own choice. Like what he's doing, if he truly is carrying the trauma of having been abused by someone saying, hey, you have to do this for me and I'll give you the role for him to then turn around and do his weird Cori's Angels thing specifically based on these women have nowhere to live, so I'm going to give them somewhere to live. And they're depending on me to give them a career. But one of the one of the, you know,

one of the contractual things they must do in return is pretend that we have sex. And when I when I make my little jokes about how we have sex, they have to go along with it because I actually don't know how that works. That is that's awful on a level that I can't even make jokes about, which I realize all of my podcast appearances end with me saying, this isn't even funny. Why are we laughing at it? That happens 100 times.

That's your catchphrase. It is very. Yeah, it do we have the song that I the Comeback King song? Do you have that on your soundboard? See, let me look what time it is. You know what time it is. Oh, you're a beautiful soul, but no one knows. God damn it, that's fucking comebacks.

Oh, they're going to do like a spit and then they take your door and close it. Fucking melodic, the audacity to call himself the Comeback King when he's been struggling for 30 years to make one. Just a single comeback, Corey, just one fucking role that isn't you just being a show. It's that's rough. And here's the thing. I know that statistically in the audience of the dog zone, there's there's at least at least one person out there who's like,

that's not that's not bad. I don't believe that at least one Corey Feldman in the audience. There's at least one. Yeah, you're right. He is going to find this. He's got a Google Alert set up. But you know what, I still don't believe it. I think he'll listen back to it and be like, God damn it.

Yeah, I was I was starting to be real careful about like like double checking sources and trying to get every detail right. But I'm like, Corey Feldman's reaction is going to be fucking exactly the same no matter how accurate I am. So whatever, fucking you're going to get a lawyer letter that was written 100 percent by Corey Feldman because there is no way that he can afford to employ an attorney and I'm not making fun of anybody else's financial situation. But he absolutely pretends to live a lifestyle.

Like the thing in the voicemail when he's talking about how he like, you know, I can't like I'm struggling right now. You know, I can't afford this blah, blah, blah. Like that immediately segues into you'll never work in this town again. Yeah, I'll feel incredibly powerful. I can I can get anyone else work at any time I want. Yeah, but just not me. Surely made that wish with that genie.

I knew he was going to twist it. Like he probably had plenty of money if he just like lived like a normal person. And just because he has like 130 movie credits. Like, like even if that doesn't he's getting residuals, sigils, like he's he should make enough to move to Montana and have a ranch for sure. Yeah, this is not a life he has a living where it's like the only possible thing that's available to him. That's, you know, there he had a lot of choices.

Because again, I do not doubt made a lot of money because again, I for those of you, again, the Genzi kids who still are like, well, it just it, you know, it just dead ass sounds like he's like he's a loser. He's he's he's he's not Busson. He's he's he sounds he sounds sus. He sounds like he's been suss this whole life. That's not true. It's he used to be just a he used to be low key a megastar for several years.

I'm not talking about one movie. There was a string of and he was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood as a teenager. And there were posters that I, you know, probably, you know, a lot of a lot of young girls, he was like their first crush. Like, like they they thought they in their formative years decided Corey Feldman was like the perfect man. Like this is what this life. This is masculinity modeled for me.

Sixty five pounds. Sixty six if you cut a stick off. That's right, it's Dick Ways, negative one sound. Negative one. It seems like a perfect time to plug your book, Jason. Yeah, well, it's OK. I had forgotten until now that I've not been on the show since I put a new book up for pre-order because I'm I'm doing this crazy book schedule this year.

Later this year, I have a book called Zoe is too drunk for this dystopia. It is the third in the Zoe Ash novels, the sci fi novels that the other people on the podcast have read, some of them that they have very good reviews there. So this one's up for pre-order. It comes out later this year. The first two you can go read now or get at a used book store for probably nothing. Although, if you bought the new, I'd be extremely grateful. The first one is called futuristic violence and fancy suits.

The second one is called Zoe punches the future in the dick. So Walmart is carrying a book called Zoe punches the future in the dick. I you probably will not find it at Walmart, but you can. The other places that sell books, including if you wanted an audio or whatever, they're they're out there and I think your first choice of title again. The way I come up with the titles for these books is I have a working title that I put on the word doc that I think would be very funny if I called the book that and then approximately one hundred percent of the time we wind up making

that the final title and the problem is you absolute son of a bitch. The problem is that I've been doing this long enough that I will submit the title to the publisher and they'll they'll just start like on there. They'll come back with like cover, you know, concept art stuff like that for the cover. And it's got like Zoe punches the future in the in the dick on there. And then I will come back, well, now are we are we final on that title? Like, is that like, oh, well, we trust your judgment.

Like, no, I don't see. I think I was I was assuming there would be like a meeting or something. It's like, no, the train has left the station. We're going ahead with the thing you put on the word doc. So in theory, it probably would have been a more successful novel if I had called it something other than Zoe punches the future in the dick. I do feel like I do create a barrier for some people to enjoy the work.

As I discussed at the top of the show, I feel like there's I feel like there's decisions that all three of us make that sometimes are counter to the business interests of our operation. But also feel like a real artist or something or maybe feel like I got all my spite out. Which is valuable. But also I am literally statistically primarily to the world a TikTok creator as as I have 70,000 followers on there now under

the username Jason K. Parjan in my videos have been viewed more than 60 million times. So so you're raking in the money off of that. Yesterday on the TikTok Creator Fund, I made four dollars and that is not a joke. Of course, not a joke whatsoever. I'm on pace to make almost one hundred and fifty dollars this month in revenue on TikTok, but I am you know, you can fill a couple of sad ladies with fruit with that kind of money. You might be able to start a sex call.

And that cut out for me on my end and I'm very grateful. Yeah, that was that was actually the the AI of the recording software saying no. No. But no, if you take all of the articles I ever wrote, it cracked all of the sub-stack columns, all of the everything I've ever written in my life, all of the podcast recordings, all of the books I've ever sold, it does not add up to the number of people I've reached on TikTok since I started this account in August. So history on my obituary, it will stay.

TikTok Creator Jason Parjan has passed away. Leaving his TikTok fortune of one hundred and fifty dollars. Yeah. Also, he wrote he wrote several books trying to cash it out on his TikTok fame because they'll they'll looking back. They'll just see they'll think I just everything else stemmed from that. So, yeah, that's and it's all I guess, according to Congress, members of Congress, it's all just a Chinese

thought weapon at the app is just they designed it to overthrow America. But hey, I get good traction. So it's that's the trade off. I hope that gauge line is worth it. Trader the hundred and that and the hundred and forty bucks. That's what it cost.

That's what it cost the communist by a man. We used to make fun of stuff that got made in China. But you know what China is saying now? Yeah. The craft is neat. Tract is neat. Oh, shitty in the hundred zone. You're a student.

Come on, John, you can't see no more. I'm not a hundred. I'm not a hundred. Frankfurt. I'm not a million new year. I'm not a hundred. Frankfurt. I'm not a hundred.

I'm not a hundred. Frankfurt. I'm not a million new year. Yeah. No, I tell you. Y'all know who's had it too good for too long. Sarsquatch laughing at us from their unspoiled forest. Don't even pay rent.

Well, I'm sick of it. I recruited the best god damn big feet hunters this side of the Wittler Koochie. I call them the Supremes. We got three finger Louis, Aaron Crosston, Adrian H, Aidan Mouat, Alpha, Scientist Java, Andreas Larson, Armando Nava,

Badger is hunting foot big because he's dyslexic. Benjamin Sironin, Ben Talser, Brandon Garlock brought big foot urine, but not as a lure. And that's all gentlemen will say. Brian Saylor, Brian Whitney, Rockway Loose, meet me there. Yes, he does.

Very two math, zero. Chatting, satisfied, hunting big foot. He's here to make a big foot hunt him. Chance McDermott, Chris Brower, Curious Glare, big foot stole his girl. Not romantically, big foot stole a whole person and he's here for revenge. Dan B, Devin, the Rogue Supremes,

Dean Costello, big foot stole his girl, but romantically and he's here to win her back. Donald Finney, Dr. Awkward, Eric Spalm, Fancy Shark stole big foot's girl and he's here to do it again. Jell-O, Greg Cunningham, Hambo, Paraca is actually hunting a moth man. Fucking takes all kinds of my right.

Harvey Panguini, Pop Fart, Jaber Al Aiden, Jeff Haraski, John Dean, John Hector McFarlane has successfully hunted seven big feet, wears her heads on necklace, never takes off. It's so heavy he's got neck problems. It's real, it's real stuff right there. John McKamon, John Minkoff,

Josh Fabian, Joshua Graves is hunting every man's dream. Two big feet at the same time. Josh S, Ken Paisley, K&M is hunting big foot the truck. He gonna skin it. M. J. He's ship out, Mack Misruble, Matt Riley, Max Baroy, Michael Lair is here to save big foot the diluted son of a bitch.

Michael Wales, Mickey Lohman, Mike Stiles, Mojoo fell for one of Bigfoot's pyramid scams. Ain't nobody leaves this forest till that $3,500 comes back. Andi, Neil Bailey, Neil Shaffer, Nekku 104 don't believe in Bigfoot, but does believe the zoo has lost more apes than they cotton to.

Nick Ralston, Ozzie Olin, Patrick Hurst, Rachel is Bigfoot's girl and she called him stepping out. Rain Vargas, Riannon, Sarkovsky, Sean Chase, Saren is only here to find out what they say about fellers with big feet is true. Spotty reception, super not, Ted H, Thomas Kovatsos don't want to kill Bigfoot, but he sure wants to fuck him up some.

Tim Ilehi, Toasty God, Tom Sikula has two trained Bigfoot hounds and they will attack anything over seven feet tall. Sorry, Shaq. Tommy G, Waylon Russell, Yessarian, and UnAndy, who is secretly a Bigfoot in a hat and trench coat. He's here because infiltrating Bigfoot hunts is the only thing that gets his motor running anymore and I support it.

Oh, no, the hounds run, run, you majestic bastard.