The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 114, Power Slap with Zak Koonce

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

Seanbaby made up a stupid, vile show he called Power Slap -- it was about slapping and no second thing. Brockway and guest Zak Koonce had a lot of fun pretending it was real, and a good harmless time was had by all. Please don't correct this podcast description. It's from a better world.

1-900 HOT DOG 1-900 HOT DOG Our podcast slams with maximum hype Say HOT DOG podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900 1-900 HOT DOG 1-900 HOT DOG 1-900 1-900 HOT DOG 1-900 HOT DOG 1-900 HOT DOG

Yeah 9000 Welcome To the dog zone 9000 The official zone of 1-900HOTDOG.com The official final comedy website Go to our Patreon and support us

Patreon.com You can do it while you listen to me The internet's first internet funny man Sean Baby He's a novelist, screenwriter and caterer For the film Bear Which was soon retitled Cocaine Bear He's Cocaine Robert Brockway

Here's a Brockway fact I have been slapped By royalty I have so many questions God damn it Our guest today is the writer Of our transcendent theme song It's Returning Dog Zoners

That Coots! I've been slapped but I'm more than willing to talk about it Oh shit, for real? I'll take lots of follow up questions Tell me your most memorable slap I was at a UFC event actually I was really shit faced And I was getting very sick as well

And I wanted to go to bed And a friend of mine was determined To hook up with somebody and he needed a wingman Which I was barely able to do He approached two women I was just sitting on a stool Basically falling asleep Hey Lace

Do you like guys with very sick friends Falling asleep at bars? Do you like ventriloquists because I have a puppet with me No, he said we're here for the UFC She goes, I love UFC and I just For some reason snapped out of it And said, you like fighting? Hit me in the face And she slapped me in the face

Three times with full power without hesitation And I was like It's pretty good And then I just walked away I can't imagine a better wingman Than that though My friend was like That was the best and worst thing I've ever seen

What the fuck was that? Dude, I want to go to bed, I don't know I don't know anymore It's what you get Oh no, he went to bed long By wingman I didn't mean somebody to help me Fight them together I got you back

I'll take all the big shots I'll tire them out I said I want to take these chicks down And you just took it the wrong way Beautiful Before we go into the slapping Zach, where can people find you? Oh, same place

YouTube Slash Arlenauts A-U-R-L-N-A-U-T-S If you haven't checked it out by now You're probably never going to Be in the first dog zone I say that every time and then you say that every time I should remember that

We make funny stuff on YouTube And it's usually pop culture related We usually are manipulating footage With different audio to make funny things Out of things that work funny You know how funny things are Yeah, you get it, funny people I love the new Star Trek 1

With the computer that denies everything There's a bit you did at the end You just telegraph it Oh, we're doing it, you know it's coming And I'm like, yeah, of course I know it's coming Give it to me and it's like you wait And then you hit me with it And I knew it was coming

It's still amazing, hilarious It's called edging, we know what we're doing Yeah, hilarity edging We actually started partnering with someone Who was deep into Training AI voices And that was That was some on display there

That was the voice of the computer Star Trek fan, I guess is a spoiler But I'm not and I don't give a shit So it's Worf Yeah, it's Worf I'm not a Star Trek fan either, but I know who Worf is I guess it was a spoiler That he was the heart

Yeah, heart of a warrior Yeah, it's the heart of a warrior I fly Somewhere out there Some nerd just got so mad at me I'm gonna hear about it two weeks from now And be like, what the fuck are you talking about? I appreciate it, because they were mad at us

And then you took on the rest Yeah, they just fucking beached in their pants That's a claim on term For ejaculating Before we talk about Power Slap Which is what we're here to talk about Do you guys want to complain about Destiny? While we're all here?

Yeah, we can, we can spend some time doing that I figured we all got some stuff we gotta get out of our chest I'll start with something positive I love Strand, I got a good build going And I'm having fun with it That part, good I don't have my legendary campaign boots yet So my Strand's a little weak, but I see the potential

You gotta do that I like mine, I'm on Hunter I feel like Hunter's probably the best For zippy Zippiness, I got that grenade build With the unlimited zips And I use them zips Oh boy, do I use them zips

Zip lining in and kicking people in the chest Zip lining away I'll see you again in three seconds Well, that's enough positivity I spent two days invisible So I couldn't see the sights of my guns I know how to fix that Yeah, I fixed it

By changing my guns a lot And sometimes that would work about 10% of the time Then I switched to the PS Oh, okay, how do we fix it? Oh, I meant like off air because it's not funny It's a cash problem You turn your PlayStation on This'll all be cut and go behind the scenes

Or maybe people are going to be pissed I'm like, fuck how did that happen to me? Tell him a secret It is fucking happen, something changed It's happening to everybody You have to turn the PlayStation totally off Plug the controller in with like the USB cord And then hold the PlayStation button down

Until you hear a second beep while it turns on And then it'll bring it into like a debug mode Then send a phone card to this address And then you go down to one of the options Then you hit clear cash And then you restart it and it goes away All of these are Unique to PlayStation

But they're also unique to Destiny Destiny's like, well, what have you checked your play? It's fucking you, alright? I play other games None of this shit happens Your netcode is so fucked too Everything is just The new event, the terminal overload I think it's called, Crash

Completely to desktop Three out of five times Oh, and don't even bother doing the new exotic mission By yourself because you will crash And you will have to restart completely from the beginning That's the one where you play wipeout To disarm the bombs? No, that's...

The mission came out today, it's for a new play Aw man, I still want to play the new exotic mission I'm such a fucking simp Bring a friend, just bring a friend Because then if one of you crashes, you could just The other friend can run around and hide while Okay, that's excellent Let's do it after we're done complaining

Let's do it, yeah, absolutely God, I can't wait to fucking play this game, I hate Fucking, that whole new expansion sucks Everything about it just sucks The storytelling, aww, so good I like the... He's sort of like two thirds of a silver surfer But like sexier than I'm making it sound

Like it's clearly somebody's sex fetishes It's not sexy to me, but I can tell Somebody's just like, oh, this Another foot tall, almost a silver surfer character Yeah, you're dick level with this character And then they really make sure That that part is heavily featured Yeah, it's got like a little porpoise cod piece

It's like a little dolphin dick on him Interesting choice He's like, what's up, little guy? It's like, whoa, the aggression level It's down up here, I need it down here Time for margaritas, bros You know sometimes you see something And you're like

And you're like, this sucks, but like You can kind of tell who it's for Like I honestly, this feels mean-spirited Like whoever wrote and performed The new Destiny characters is just these fucking nerds I'm gonna just make the worst goddamn thing And let them fucking sit in it That was one of the things I said to Sean

Because there was a line from the same character Who's like, I don't understand the earth term For your war chieftain, but margaritas on Rohan, bro And I was like, this is The consistency here is I have some problems, I have some notes I think it's somebody that's deeply resentful Of being told for the

Eight thousandth time We've got to be more like the Marvel movies Which I imagine everybody In the industry is getting nonstop We've got to be more like the Marvel Can we punch it up a little comedy Just like, I don't know, kind of like those What are those movies? The Marvel movies?

You heard of these? They're big hits We should try having a bunch of one-liners Nonstop, like those guys Destiny's been down this road before though That's the sad thing, it went really badly Yeah, they're like, let's do Borderlands meets Marvel Everybody hated it, they backed off of it They got a little more serious

And then everybody started to love it Here's what I love about Destiny writing I like when you see something And then your ghost, the little robot sidekick Is like, oh no, these guys aren't supposed To have the darkness or the lightness And then like, you'll do something else And then the ghost is like, wait a second

Oh no, this is crazy unusual I've never seen anything like this And you're like, well, okay, thanks for telling me Because it seems like this was cliche before I played Destiny It's the five hundredth time I've seen it in Destiny But like your ghost is constantly Dazzled by the darkness and the lightness Which are the only two things

What I love here is that anyone who doesn't play Destiny Like thinks that everybody that still does Is crazy and has bad taste So they're listening to this and just be like Yeah, we know, you guys are idiots Everyone who's played Destiny has hated it Since the day it came out We used to be so mad about Destiny

When it first came out, everyone hated the gear system So badly and it was too slow And you didn't get good stuff And then there was this cave that would spawn guys And so everyone would stand outside of this cave And just shoot guys coming out of the cave All day long. I saw dudes there for hours While I was there for hours

I was hanging out with my girlfriend Just like talking Like we had the other TV on I mean, we're still doing stuff But also discussing Why are we doing this? What's wrong with us? And you'd go on the internet and everyone's like Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with us?

Why are we doing this? We had all this gear Destiny's, it's so tricky Because I'm in that stage now where I have to re-evaluate Because it genuinely does get Very, very good sometimes It was very, very good just a little bit ago Like oh shit

It sucked everybody back in Everybody I know is playing And now I'm still playing it but now I have to evaluate Did this brain poison me? Because I know I have fucking behavioral psychologists Working on getting me to play this game Even if I hate it Is it good or is it brain poison?

Is the question you will always ask And what is bad, you know That was good and this And this is brain poison And now I have to fight the brain poison again Would Destiny be as good Without all the unpleasant parts? I don't know, all I know is the number one

Review on Steam, I don't know if it still is But it used to just be a one line that says I hate this game, play it all the time Yeah, I guess That sums it up Well, I'm glad we did this Maybe we'll cut all that from the show for the Not Destiny plays

Anyway, let's talk about Power Slap, this is a real show That really aired on actual TV It was on TBS No, it's not I swear to Christ Just go on to your smart TV Log on to the TBS app, you'll have to find it

Download it, then you'll have to Provide it with your cable information Which you'll find in an email in your spam folder From back when you got your service installed Then take Your smartphone and pair it with TBS app so you can tell the TV To allow it to broadcast

Through the app And then Reboot your TV and then you'll be able to watch Power Slap On actual TV This is just the procedure I had to do Can we just clear your cache on your PlayStation 5? That sounded easier Dammit, we're going to have to include the Destiny section

So because I'm never going to do What if you got you The unstoppable callback Secret callback You're including that many steps Because what really happened was You got a bunch of dudes from a bar During the middle of the day

And just paid them to fake film this Show for us for this episode Yeah, that's what happened It's one of those lives where I'm adding Too many details to make it sound real But yes, I made up this show to trick Brock Wei In thinking it really happened You walked into a Greyhound station

And you said, I have $20 For anybody here that can take a hit And every single person there Including the people working there got up And we're like, yeah, let's go Here you go, caveat, which one of you Only has three days to live or not? Who wants to spend those last three days

With $20 more? No, picture this Jesus, that's me Considered for a second, we're not joking Picture the show That you would make if you had Kind of an unlimited budget For five high-speed cameras

And a bunch of stage lights And a big section of a Vegas casino For a sporting event What that would look like And you've perfectly pictured power slap The sport itself, two men square off One of them has to hold a fucking stick Behind their backs so they can't move

The other one slaps them in the fucking face It's slightly more complicated But end of sport When I say slightly more complicated It means that you have to hit them between the ear The bottom of the jaws You can't hit them in the neck or the ear or the forehead You can't lead with your palm

Or your heel of your palm You can't hit them with a karate palm strike A leopard paw I believe John McSweeney called it You have to have your feet flat You're not allowed to lift your feet So you can't throw a traditional boxing hook You sort of can

But you have to be very careful With one footed hop into their face Yeah But why? Why? Here's my theory There's something truly fun About dirt bags

Who don't know what they're doing hitting each other Street beefs Untrained fighters Early UFC's there's magic there That you will never see again But if you watch street beefs There's a lot of sadness and violence There's so much boredom

So I think Powerslap was trying to take the boredom out They did a bad job because the TV show itself is very boring But the sporting event Is all the sadness and violence And nothing else And I feel like that's what they're going for I also think Dana White has a sex fetish And this feels like his

There it is Do you remember Of course you remember You remember Vince McMahon's bodybuilding league Where The muscle man came out in costumes And just posed Completely absurd

The audience was like this isn't a thing And Vince McMahon is like this is the greatest thing No one else understands how amazing this is And So this feels like Dana White's version of that Dana White has For some reason thinks this is awesome Well he says on the show

He says I went online and I found these guys slapping each other And I was like I've never seen them in my life His immediate response to two men slapping each other Is I was watching guys slapping online Into it Instantly

And he tries to justify it in a way that he probably had to do To his investors These videos are getting millions of views Because they're free No one's going to pay pay per view rates UFC rates to watch this shit I'm a UFC fan I think I'm the target demographic

I'm not going to pay $80 to watch the finals of this I would argue I am the perfect demographic for this I love watching violence, sadness I love watching a spectacle of insanity Like culminating in a series of bad decisions And I'm like This sucks

This should not exist You know what I think is appealing about it To at least the people doing it Because We're leaving a world now where you can be Like a bullshit martial artist There's too much out there to show you that you're not Too hard to learn how to fight

But you still have tough guys that want to prove they're actually tough Without actually having to jump through all those hoops So as long as you can take a fucking hit You've got a shot At being like a superstar Tough guy You've got to know two things Take a hit and hit

I think some of these guys walked in here without the Half of that equation This is clearly an open call It's amazing that somebody So many people to get this To where it was to get the budget To get the placement on television They narrowed down all the skill

All the training All the rules and strategies of like Contact sports of ultimate fighting And really just winnowed it down To the concussion part People love concussions They love when people get concussions And it's not because they watch

Like the end of a fight and it's not because it's the culmination Of something They just like concussions You're like going to watch NASCAR and like you love the crashes So that's what this is It's all crashes It's perfect

It's all NASCAR crashes I think it makes for a great YouTube video If it's a YouTube video and it's like couple minutes long It's two guys having a slap contest You're like oh I'm very, yeah clicking that for sure But as a TV show It's a sport This is fucking insane

What I'm not going to do is watch a show But these guys, these same guys Passing medicine balls back and forth To each other and this fucking illusion of training Like you need to Be able to hit and be able to get hit Put the medicine ball down Your fucking abs aren't really

Okay, I do want to talk about The training because They don't do a lot of it in this episode But I've seen all seven episodes so far They preview the hell out of it though It's a big super clip showing You see where it's going They create their own training regimen

For this very specific sport Which is moving your hand Sort of like a hook And so they have special machines Where you're like with just one hand You're just pulling on this resistance weight You've probably done the Muay Thai drill Where you have a weight in your teeth

And you just kind of lift in your head To strengthen your neck muscles They do that specifically so they can take a slap harder And they add a sports element Where they measure their guy's Tap strength and then they measure their hand size And they measure their neck strength So there's all these numbers next to everybody's name

Just to be like hey look This is a real sport but it's Fucking deranged They're trying to quantify The first sign of a karate grifter Is when they start spouting numbers About shit Dude I could gauge that too

If they fucking carnival there's a machine That will tell me whether or not I'm tough Whether you're a sexual potent Right Hey I broke One of those boxing machines at the bowling alley Last week if you want to know how tough I am I am break the machine

Wait how did it break? Did you like Knock the bag off its No I threw an overhand right And it like gave me a really low number I'm like oh I should probably hit it like Like I was trying to figure out where the pressure point was Or the best way to punch it And so I did a couple straight rides

And got some good scores Did it become Self-aware and like cry The guy came over to like reset the machine He's like what'd you do I'm like dude I was Fucking born to kill you need a tough robot I'm training to fight robots you know it's coming What did I do I did exactly what the machine

Asked me to do Yeah So yeah that's just a Story about me and my Monster power I think I'd be good at this Power slap because I have a natural Crankiness and narcissism That like makes me think I'm really good at taking a hit

Yeah yeah You're lumbering too in a way That like I feel like you could really wing That right you know around the corner Pretty effectively I think I found my sport plus I mean What's another few more concussions Fucking I'm like the full life who gives a shit

It might make your creative wording Even more creative in your articles It would really help you drop that Filter that's been holding you back Right So That's what the cocaine is for But you're right I could use some more concussions

So anyway This is like I said it's unreal TV It's lead in was AEW Wrestling which is a pretty popular show And it lost 75% of the viewership like It's coming up next Power slap people were like

No Two out of ten of us said maybe Maybe we'll leave the TV on and the rest said no Is there some more controversy You probably know about this But it was set to premiere on January 11th Oh yeah Dana White

Got into a slap fight with his actual wife In like a Mexican bar And everyone saw it and TMZ Posted the video I think judges would say she lost that one Yeah she Two Misogyny's credit she did start the fight

She did throw the first slap Nickel for every time I saw that come up as a count Yeah but then he Hit her back twice as if like he'd been waiting His whole life for that Like the floodgates Are open he's like finally I get to Beat my wife

There was like a muscle memory to it that was Comfortable It's so dark If you're seeing somebody hit their wife in public It's not the first time They're not trying it out It's not trying it out for the first time It was the second one

If it was the first one obviously that's Criminally should be get the electric chair But the second one I'm like holy fucking shit That's insane Yeah There's a subreddit that is probably the Darkest thing on the internet called Pussy Pasta Night are you familiar with this

Oh I'm familiar with it You're Jason and you're fucking evil subreddit Yeah I just get it pop up And other sometimes you'll see like You know abrupt chaos that's a subreddit And every once in a while you see a video that Someone will link to that subreddit I just was like I don't want to go there

I see the appeal they're like Karen Videos with an arc like an ending Where it's like a woman screaming at Her boyfriend or like punching him in the face And like he's like you gotta stop punching me in the face And she's like keeps doing it and doing it and then he Punches her back that's the standard Video and it's

It's obviously so dark And it became just sort of An angry silo of male toxicity I think Now it became that It slipped into that Over time without I was there when it was pure I was there when it was cool

So now you go there And it's very rare to find a video like that anymore I actually checked it the other day In preparation for this podcast It's like is that still a thing? No it's mostly just like Random woman hating stuff It's just women getting hit by cars

Just ladies getting tagged to train tracks Classic stuff So okay So we can go People don't even know I've ever looked at that You wouldn't fucking What was that last one Jason He's always coming in it was the Nazi

Furries that like one of them accepted By fascists and are upset that They don't like furries Where do you find that as a fucking community Why do you You get one life How do you look around I'm a fascist and I'm a fox

Where do I belong I don't understand There had to have been some sort of High they're chasing like they did that At some point like maybe freshman college And they said that to a room full of people And they got so much attention And they're like this is the life for me Everyone's looking at me everyone's talking about me

I'm chasing this high And then they spend the rest of their life They accidentally find a Nazi furry community Where they're like completely ordinary Goddamn it Okay so obviously Most of these people on the show are Nearly homeless dirtbags

And most of them don't have Like the humility that comes with Doing martial arts because they're Doing this and so They take these people And they put them in a house So in addition to this terrible sport They do live

In a house together and that was my main question About this was I couldn't tell if that was Sort of a headquarters and break room Where they're all training together They make them full ultimate fighter They make them fucking live in the house together And then professionally slap each other This is the thing Dana did

Their roommates and slap mates They did this with the ultimate fighter Back in the day when it first Got the UFC back out of the gutter And it was like at least And these were like reckless Imbeciles that were provided with alcohol To create situations

But at least they had that discipline Of like listen I train in a thing I know like At least that much about Fucking with restraint or honor Or whatever They know the line between A cranky confrontation

And physical battle And I feel like a slap fight Is The middle ground but way closer To cranky confrontation And so It's a style of fighting people do before An actual fight

These aren't real men They're not real fighters So when they're in the house And they start getting mad at each other It's like there's no threat Of violence where as an ultimate fighter It's like okay if they push this guy too far Somebody could die

Or somebody could get really hurt Or it's like the worst case scenario In this house is like okay dude We'll stand right next to you We will perform our very stupid sport Against each other I saw like in the preview clips There was some like really sloppy

Maybe takedowns but could have just been a guy Tripping and the other guy fell on top There's been a couple of fights Some of the guys have an MMA background But like you wouldn't know that For many other confrontations It looks like a bunch of drunk asses There's a reason they're in power slap

I do want to be clear Like in a fight I could probably take I like my chances against a lot of these guys In a slap fight I do recognize that I would not last Very long in a slap fight Like this is the sheer brutality

Of being maybe losing a coin toss And having to go second Just fucking blows my mind That is a clear disadvantage Like right off the jump There's no way you can objectively know If that guy's performing his best He's just been hit as hard as possible

By the guy who got to go first If you're designing a game And it's like Say it's a game where you're playing Wizards against each other Magic the Gathering or something And the first one player goes first That's a pretty massive advantage

So if you don't go first You get an extra card Most game designers are like There's nothing like that here So for the most part We talk the other guy out Significantly often So it's a terrible sport

Poorly designed by Maniacs I guess Designed is generous It is Probably the most basic human thing Yeah, there's literally nothing to this I will give I will give

The referees credit They do seem to be Valuable They're really grand They're probably you know When you're like Not this one I'll see you

I think of everybody We've got the man So he has so instead of saying like you're gonna go on to he's like all right. He said a right hand First is a measure Go on my count right hand to get me and like I just love that he talks like that the whole series They brought in a preschool teacher because yeah, that's what these guys need It's a real mr. Rogers. That's about the right level. I feel like I didn't I didn't blink I was like, yeah, that's how you'd have to manage these guys my

Favourite though part of the staff are the attendants that just are supposed to the fainting guys that catch you when you fall Who barely ever do their job? One guy on his ass and then yeah So one guy kind of like caught his shoulders after his ass already hit the ground and the other guy was like feathering his He was like paddling the air Like faking it He wasn't even close to the guy, but he was like he went down He like he crouched low and like put his hands out and then like did this come hither thing with his hands

But didn't actually do anything and I was One of the one of the catchers is UFC Hall of Famer forest Griffin. So wait, was he yeah So notice he is one of the men instrumental in making UFC a thing today and Dana White's like I'll always take care You'll always always have a place in the company and so here he is You're a hobo I'm scrolling right now. I gotta find him. I can fucking take care of you man They didn't give him a lower third or anything. It's just yeah, they're just like puppeteers. They're just in black You know hanging out. Yeah, they're Japanese puppeteers in the background. Yeah, there's another thing

I really love about this show that we haven't talked about like we there's a house and they go and live in the house But in a real like antiquated 2000s era way where they take away their phones They're not allowed to communicate to the outside world Now all the ultimate fighter they did this because they had to keep the fight secret They had to keep the winner secret but this is nobody gives a shit about this and and so they're just isolating them from their families to Fuck with them. I guess I don't understand they do a lot of packages about about the fighters Each of them gets like a backstory and guess what most of their backstory is

Down on luck, I'm gonna say They were at a Las Vegas Greyhound station Surprisingly most of their backstory is yeah, my wife has my kids. I don't get to see him that often I'm hoping that they so good blah blah blah. That's anyway. That's why I'm taking the greyhound today. Yes Normally I do hand jobs for spare cash, but then I met Dana White and a meet and greet Remember my wife said this is the one thing. I'm really good at and that was that really inspired me You know, I should put it on the world's age. It's cut. That's cut Dana White made that an okay joke to tell that's true

He's pioneer So the first one with the first thing when Sean first told me about that story and like connected to power slap The first thing I thought and I asked was Did he like make the show was a way to cover for that being like That your guys was understood we were practicing for my new show. It's called a power Wife slap no power slap and it's about Slapping Very clear the the president producer

Spokesperson and principal star of this show about slapping people in the face slapped his own wife in public Before it premiered and their response to that was not pulling it, but seven day delay They're like, you know what? Let's let the world cool down on this for seven days Then maybe by that they'll forget the action that it seems like a broken simulation level of Stupid obviously a lot of people were like, hey, this is bad for the human brain You shouldn't do this like it's maybe worse than regular fighting because they're the person receiving a slap is literally not allowed to move They can't yeah just the concussions. Yes And so Dana White's response to that was in slap

They take three to five slaps per event fighters in boxing take three hundred to four hundred punches per fight and guess what? Hundred you know what my answer to that criticism slap fighting is if you don't fucking like it don't watch it Nobody's asking you to watch this. Oh, you're disgusted by it. Watch the voice He's so cool. God damn fucking and she just yeah, you don't fucking like it Peak era was like 2004 and he was just he's settled right into the world like a comfortable chair and was just like Man, everything is great. I hope it stays like this forever Just can't get rid of me now. It's too late. It's too late. I own it all. I am a tumor And I take care of my men. I gave force grip on that guy

Damage to function in society you can come catch a hobo for me if if If you want a really depressing story, we should definitely cut this but the other member of the other member of the greatest fight of all time that saved UFC from bankruptcy Stefan Bonner He was doing like pro wrestling shows for eight people at high school gyms He was addicted to all kinds of painkillers There's all kinds of videos of him having public meltdowns. Some of them he posted himself and now he's dead He's dead

Hard this is like the running man. They're like, let's relicate last year's winners Whitman price and Haddad It's just why would you like this? Dana white Dana white droids lives. I like the other little setup here They have they have the little pool noodle that they have to hold on to I love it behind their back And they aren't allowed to share it. I thought was it I don't think I don't think there's anything funny here other than It's just to another guy. He goes no, no, no, no. He goes you get his pool No, I was like, is it was there a chance you might have like sleight of hand some like razor blades into it or something like what's What's the danger here?

Yeah, I don't I don't I guess that's so they can't move during the fight I don't know why they can't put their hands behind their back We're supposed to like yeah, I don't know if it's supposed to like the illusion of like stabilizing their Torso, I don't know but I did notice the first thing that happens if they actually get their lights shut off is they drop it It's the first thing that happens. They drop the pool noodle and then they collapse. Yep. It's a Did it have to look like a pool noodle? Yeah, it could have been a little tougher looking right? Yeah, it's uh, I think it had like a pipe in it It could have been just like a bar that is behind them that could help them stand up once they get their head

Like a ballerina bar. Yeah. Yeah, like force-gryffin could kind of keep them vertical a 12 inch dildo What have done? Yeah, just a fucking studded just a horse a horse dildo handed to him You know what does A stress dildo like when you have a long day at work and you can twist it You know, oh, yeah, you know those Japanese game shows So they stick their head in the tube and like a lizard runs at their face or something Yeah, I say just put them in like put them in an iron lung and then have the other guy just come and slap the head Popping up the top of the iron lung. Yeah, they go unconscious. So what?

They're already in a medical device Prada as many middlemen as possible just have these fights in the hospital Have doctors. I think this is not force-gryffin not retired UFC fighters. I think this is this might actually be true I'm kind of joking, but like Dana White is a Business man, so he might be thinking how do we merchandise now? There's a little thing you can sell there's only you could buy a little pool like you can buy a pool noodle to do your slap fighting at Home because there's no gloves. You can't you can't sell the gloves or athletic gear shorts. Yeah Yeah, I do like how they're all they so there is a uniform and I didn't notice it

Until the ladies came up and I don't know why that was when it clicked But everyone looks like they're they're selling car stereos. Yes They work I was like, what is this lame-ass fucking uniform? They all look like nerds if they weren't doing the The maybe toughest but stupidest thing in the world. I yeah, I would ask them about warranty I I do have some notes on the first episode the one we all watched so let's try to go through there Okay, there's no way we're gonna go through all of the fights, right? But no, no, we do have to hit

We do have to hit Rob Yes, we're going to okay, of course There's a structure to the show that like I think will let us talk more about like what is wrong with it as if like we Haven't made that clear, but yeah, it starts off and Dana White calls it the opportunity of a lifetime Worst life I ever heard of he calls getting slapped by him in a club the opportunity of a life The amount of times he said those words she'll probably make a lot of money in the divorce I mean that was the opportunity of a lifetime in some financial ways for that woman So they show an exhibition of a slap model these this episode actually took place 10 months before they like filmed the show

So we're watching ancient history in the show and this was Like a tournament of dirtbags to To get to the tournament that battles into the house And that's the term from Ultimate Fighter where they make the guys fight and the winners of those fights get to live in the house And it's sort of a real-world situation humiliate themselves Live in isolation and despair the exact phrasing was Into the house I mean, I don't know what else you would call it

So there's a guy named Chris Thomas who is of a standout middleweight who has just a Nuclear bomb for a hand. He just turns a man off with a slap and that's kind of how they opened it up just to demonstrate how awkward and stupid this sport can get and This guy just knocks him out goes crazy to this half-filled arena of two rows of chairs and and this this is where you start to see like How fucked up it is that that nobody's watching this this has to be one of the biggest events of whatever the fuck this is of all time and nine people are nine people care but the production is out of control like the the number of cameras They're all high speeds. So when they get that slap, it's just like blue blue blue 9,000 frames a second to watch this fucking human face. Yeah, real good. Looney Tunes face. Yes

And they are very akin to those like really gross sniper games where they're just like, yeah ball explosion Explosion like let's slow it down so you can see the slap. What who is that? No, it's for Dana. Why it's for the internet. I don't know if you saw when Tony Ferguson got his face kicked in By Michael Chandler. Oh, yeah, freeze frame of his where he just looked like Elmer Fudd all of a sudden because of the ripples They were caught frozen on his face that kick Go look up that kick everybody. Holy shit. Yeah, that's like as hard as you can kick a human I I I felt like real compassion. I was like someone save that man. Like what are we doing here?

The guy that Chris That's a good kick This guy that Chris Thomas knocks out wakes up and he genuinely does not know where he is or what he's doing Like a lot of guys are confused when they get knocked out. This guy's like, who are you people? What is my name where he is and one of the rap says you're in a slap event? Possibly help some things went wrong for me, huh? Excuse me, sir. I know I have a lot of questions, but what the fuck is a slap event? We was like, well, let's start from the beginning your wife left you your kids. Don't talk to you anymore. This I remember this side this side

Say no more give him my 20 bucks. I got I got something to take care of So Dana White talks about the origin of this sport. This this spectacle of stupidity And we mentioned this early. He saw these slap fights from Poland. He's like, oh, it's amazing look at all these internet video hits and He wanted to quote turn this thing into a real sport But apparently I mean it was like he was looking at a real competition Probably what where the sport deserves to be right? So here's just this maniac who somehow ended up with money because of the failures of society in general and he's throwing his money behind it

It will probably not break him it will probably lose Dana White A hundred million dollars. Maybe I don't know a lot. It'll he's gonna lose some money not XFL money, but like World bodybuilding association money, whatever the hell it's cause any justice in the world. Yeah, right And they start doing some intros and here's where you kind of Notice that these aren't like athletes like they probably won't even high school athletes they have no sense of trash talk and When they put the camera on him and say hey try to say something about how you're gonna win the slap fight It all goes to hell. So I have one clip here

I'm Rob when I will press I ain't got nothing to prove I just here to do what I do best and that's put on the show for the people I Just honestly, I felt like I made for this. I was made to fight You know, I'm a big dude and that's how I feel like I was meant to do was fight be brawling and You know, have fun doing Be brawling be brawling. I got a couple problems with it First of all, I want to prove that I was man. Yeah, one more guy I want to be the one I want to set the tone for everyone else in the sport and create this sports

What I want to be the one You're just gonna see intensity. You're gonna see the slap of the gods Cleveland oh, I'll raise up and I'll bring it home, baby. Let's slap the God straight from Cleveland, Ohio Yeah God, no Cleveland did it in his head. That guy thinks he's Muhammad Ali He's like, oh, my flow is so sweet. I'm the greatest of all time I'm gonna bring the sport to the Cleveland gods King of King slaps

Fucking Rob one-eyed wolf Perez is my favorite character. I have to think of these people as characters I almost turned the show off just after the the the dirtiness that they did on Rob One-eyed wolf Brolic. Yes. Yeah, he was talking about his saga. He's he's born to be brolic. He uh He gets hit by the other guy dude. He's big. He says It's Mid-fight trash talk like after they get slapped sometimes they say shit to the other guy like hey, that didn't hurt or whatever This guy says my mama slept harder than that and she ain't even alive

So good and then he goes I eat that slap and then he just runs around the stage going Um, I'll eat that I eat that slap and it wasn't it wasn't a one-time thing where That was like his catchphrase. He made that his catchphrase. I feel like every slap he'd run around the stage going I eat that I eat that. Um, um, um, um, um And Ryan Phillips, uh, the king of kings. He goes one-eyed woman. You need to get yourself in check and I'm not I I don't even you're not supposed to be here So there's no established way to trash talk because this is all a series of insane adrenaline dumps, right? Like you just like you're just mad and insane and and there's no satisfying ending to any of this like when the guys get slapped out

it's it's just kind of Sad and I feel bad every time. Yeah Because like like they couldn't do anything about it. They just had to sit there and take it. They just couldn't take it. Yeah so, uh He almost knocks out, uh, ryan phillips They're they're getting all fucked up Dana calls it A home run when rob one-eyed wolf pares gets slapped and screams. I ate it. I ate it. I ate that like he's like this is great

This is fantastic tv. So this is it. This is exactly what he was hoping um So here's where we learn there's judges. So they don't just slap each other till they're done They slap each other three times each and then there's a group like a council of slap judges And so now we find out the hardest or the easiest thing to judge I can't decide which it must be so difficult if you were serious But what are the odds that they're serious? Let's judge us have to be just like I fucking I don't know What am I doing here?

so, uh Now, of course, this is what you must have been talking about zack where they they did pour one-eyed wolf dirty Uh, so data white. Hold on. Can I create a villain before we we create a victim? Uh, I don't think we went hard enough on ryan ryan also, uh, as his trash talk between rounds He offers a a fist bump to And then pulls it away like a cool Move like a real cool baby. There's this thing that happens. Uh, this is reoccurring issue, you know with

concussions and recovery they when they Their brain stops for a minute and then they look around and then you can see their brain sort of winding back up And they just like in succession realize where they are and then realize they should be talking shit Yep, and so ryan has the best one. He's like, yeah Yeah Like it takes it Oh, it goes like slow motion and like it's like a record going

Like there's one where he goes good one like That's what you know, he's fucking done. Yeah, what do you say? He was when he slapped the trash talk out of his head. He just became a gentleman You knew he was a fucking loser when he when he does lose his quote is About rob. He says he's a good dude. I like him a lot Wait, hold on. What was it you liked about him? Was it the stuff he said about his mother? Yeah, I liked his mom when his mom died like that was pretty good head games Like that was a lot of sadness. Do you hit me with

All right, now that we've got a villain. Yes, now we have a villain So Dana whites like the athletic commission is not gonna Approve this guy. He's got fucking one eye He's called the one eyed wolf. We need there's no way to know that He didn't try to hide this from anybody. Yeah, I love this because like that's stupid, right? Like obviously an athletic commission is going to want to make sure everyone's healthy But like you can't fucking dodge in this sport. There's no reason you'd need sight or here

Why do you need eye? Why does the athletic commission even need to fucking be there in the first place? Who cares that these guys are on steroids or whatever like this? This is what happens with data is like, let's make it a real sport and everybody's like you just ruined it, man Like how the athletic commission is going to want to sniff around our one-eyed guy is the best dude we got He's out like he's out. Sorry you ate three concussions to They still let him get knocked out. He was he was and he did very well Definitely out for at least a couple seconds. Like he's yeah, he was concussed for nothing for nothing. Yeah

I don't even I can't even imagine how little they paid. Uh, there's a ufc fighter They offered a spot on the show and the number he quoted Uh and verified, uh was two thousand dollars to appear and two thousand dollars to win And so that's a ufc like not a star but like a a real name And so this is just some fucking random guy from the bus station. I don't think they made that same offer Uh, he's he's getting he's getting 20 dollars and like six inches of that craft services sandwich They're gonna measure it. They're gonna measure it out. Oh, yeah And they'll be like, I'm sorry. It's I can't you eat two more inches. It's coming out of your fucking paycheck

So they show some clips of the coaches. They're called the destroyer and the wolverine fantastic names Uh, they had one of them is kind of a chubby dude and the other one looks like a mountain man They are the two best guys at this except the destroyer is much much better He's undefeated And the wolverine is also undefeated except for the three times the destroyer beat him So, I mean, that's just like it's over like when there's a winner better at this, right? There they had a 27 round slap fight according to the show. So they that means, uh What 54 slaps between these two gentlemen? Yeah, uh, like in the back corner of a high school gym

Not legally not legally allowed to drive anymore The destroyer is 22 years old, which means he has a full life ahead of him to uh, be very confused and vibrating Uh, so next up there's a guy named alex a nax religion And he's fighting a guy called slap jesus I gotta I gotta stop here for a second. Okay Uh, I'm not I really hate to be the guy that goes in on physical appearance. Like I don't want to show anybody but

alex could do more to avoid ridicule and uh, especially when your name is ass barry And your elbows are looking like that You know his homies call him ash barry. Like that is just a fact. No question. No way they don't I think I'm the only one here who can make that joke. Thank you for doing that. Yes. Yeah. I got you. I got you Like uh, both of these gentlemen look like they slept in their cars for the five years preparing for this We're talking about trash talk slap jesus is uh, I I appreciate his enthusiasm for the effort But uh, well at one point slap jesus is he is the best name by the way At one point slap jesus is trash talk is after he takes a hit and he goes

That's my friend That's my brother man And I think they are friends. I think they found like two junkie snuggling together from the same bus station Yeah, they were like the same sheet of cardboard You get 20 to come hit each other and they were like a piece and they were like no I liked when he would scream where my jesus freaks at As if that could be a thing before today like as if the nine people in this small studio Were like, oh, yes, of course. I followed this sport. I am familiar with you from

From the wisconsin backstreet slap fights. Yes. Yes. It's meant every time with deafening silence So Like well, I do believe in the lord, but that you you are a false prophet like I to answer your question. I am right here. I am a jesus freak, but you My friend are a falsely a pretender. Yes. So on the second slap he slaps Basically alex's lip off and it brings up a theme of the show where anything that can go wrong will go wrong There's only about 30 slap matches on this tv series because they do, you know, what about for an episode

Every variation of foul and fuck up has happened like it It's very rare for one of these slap fights to go without incident There's just fouls all the time because you can't lift your feet. So there's been at least one fight where Like one guy just wins because the other guy did not land a legal slap the entire fight You still have to eat that fucking slap. You still got hit in the fucking face. Yes But if you can survive three of those then you just win by default So some gamesmanship might be to come in and just delicately Tap the other guy in the face legally and hope he fucks it up

And like you could win that way the judges might disagree, but uh, who knows, right? So I guess there's two kinds of slap fights is what I'm saying There's one where the guy immediately knocks a helpless man out and one where something dumb and controversial happens So this sport is just frustrations and concussions. So the frustrations and sadness Yeah, and and michael slapped jesus slaps He did Cause multiple contusions in his face because there's like blood on the side of his head too, which I think

Opened up from another like his cheekbone. Yeah cut as well. He he all I don't think that looks like it's a way to do it care of his skin. I think that could have been like Yeah, it's very dryness. Yeah, I mean that's they call him ashberry out there in the streets for a reason, but uh I'll allow it. He almost got fatality like a couple more Dpi or whatever from just slap that head would have exploded Imagine explaining that Explaining that to his loved ones. I'm sorry, uh, man named slap jesus slapped him until he died from death His face came off. It was yeah knocked a chuck of his face off

The next fight is a guy called the iron giant who goes up against a tall guy Who came here to do work and slapped the shit out of people And so hold on. So the implication there Is is that I'm all out of work. Yeah, I'm all out of work I came to because that's saying is I came to vegas to do two things work and slap the shit out of people You have to be out of one of those things and you're in a slap competition The direct conclusion is and i'm all out of work I'm gonna do some plumbing for a construction job that got cancelled. So all I have left is this

Uh, he got the fucking shit knocked out of him because it's a heavyweight slap fight So whoever wins the coin toss knocks the other one wins the fight every time and then he taunts him in this small quiet room Because it's the worst fucking sport. It's just a terrible unpleasant experience for everyone except dana white for whatever sexual reason So I took a uh a clip of the guy who got knocked out is named uh strickland strickland Whoever goes first is gonna win as simple as that and my next opponent. I guarantee you whoever you are You're gonna go down. It's like it's like I went down I put this in my notes. This is the best of all time Just like just like

He's first of all, he's not he's trash talking to a person that doesn't exist This is a hypothetical opponent. The only real person in this trash talk is his cold lifeless body That's incredible It's just you're gonna go down whoever you are Just you're gonna the thing that really did just happen to me is gonna happen to you It just the sport generates nothing but sadness the next guy is named anthony green He says he wants to show his kids that you can push forward and achieve anything Then he gets his fucking brain turned off and he gives up

So yeah, this is the first quit this guy just taps out So here's the thing Anthony green is a good example of you know, they talk about some people can have a strong jaw, right? So he right Yes, and no he has a strong jaw line But a second I saw him I knew he was going out because he just it just looks like a Quitter's jaw line. I don't know why I knew he was going to fucking quit. This is quality commentary for power slap. You got a future In this burgeoning sport. Oh, no data. This is that is a loser's jaw line

I know the second I see it the predator is going to structure five kids. It works two jobs With that with that hairline. He should not be calling himself the predator I don't think it's sending the message that he intends. It's got a real nerd brainstem. Yeah I will Bitches brainstem In all three brains all three are bitches Jewel his opponent jewel kid diamond Has the only good trash talk. I think in this whole show

Do you have what he wrote that because I wrote it down as soon as he said, uh, he said it I hit really hard. So i'm super interesting to see how a uh, human will survive that Oh He's like a scientist a brutality. This is like this is a serial killing. He's like now I would like to see how a small child could stand up to these these attacks I do think that you make a good point that he's a brutality scientist because he has this weird vertical bouncy thing He does like he's clearly developed a way to generate That torque of a hook punch with a different movement of his legs

So he like kind of goes down it comes up and down it comes up and just throws a fucking hand grenade at their cheek like This guy hits so hard And nobody else does it everyone else just it just throws a slap like Like you would if you just learned what this was and he's like clearly gone into the lab the brutality lab and like Done the study He's never tried this is the first time he says Right like in the lab for yeah for five years and now he's come out with like a theory and he's like

I'm interested to see how a human will survive this. Yes. It kills a chimpanzee We know we know that for sure. We also know chimpanzees are a little expensive Did you know The African plane chimp is gone because of me From slap detonations And do you have do you have his victory quote? I I did not record it. No his victory quote Is he talks about how hard he struggled like I've I've been a boxer. I've been a UFC fighter And I haven't really made it but here I'm finally here

Different platform than I ever imagined The self-awareness. Oh man, that's this clear as you can say I don't know what the fuck this is But okay, there's gonna be a dark ending at the end of that train of thought Yes, and he I didn't I don't remember his age. He has some white in his beard though. He's like a groan man He looks like he might be my age or older. Yeah, I don't he's at a fighter's retirement age And here he is like at the dawn of a new sport But good for him like I'm saying it whatever this is. He's very good at it a lot of these guys Keep talking about how they could take a punch. They think their chin will hold up and it's just

at this point in in Fight science. We know that that is just biologically not true Your chin will degrade your brain will Yeah, I don't know if you guys are familiar with the science of a knockout and why people lose their chin It's because You train your brain to shut off faster to protect your body like oh, this is a thing that happens Like we know what to do here. And so you're like your muscle memory becomes being knocked out

So you're just your brain reaches that state faster and faster and faster, but Have god bless these guys every time someone has never been hit. They think that they're Just inherent toughness is going to beat science every time. I fucking love it I was just uh, I watched power slap last night with a good friend and uh, we were reminded of a story back in the day We were at like some portland house party and there's this guy. We didn't like that sort of was in the Nearby circle of friends. So we saw him a lot of parties and he was just really unpleasant and one night He's like dude, I'm so I could take a fucking slap from anybody and my friend like volunteered like normally That's the kind of stuff. I don't want to engage him. He's like, yeah, I'll fucking slap you

And he's like, yeah, go ahead and do it and like everyone's like, oh, what's going on over here? Of course, and then you just fucking slap and he didn't get knocked out or anything But it's this huge loud humiliating event and everyone starts laughing at him And he was like trying to play it cool like did we get knocked out? But like however, he thought it would play out did not play out and and so like I'm just saying 20 years ago, I was pretty sure this would be a dumb fucking sport from like the first time I ever saw anyone try it at an amateur level Uh, that man would go on to become slap jesus You didn't tell us you do slap jesus

This guy wishes he had the personality of slap jesus So next up in the show there was a woman slap fight and uh, here's where I was so worried at first Like when they were when a woman walked out of oh, fuck Yeah Do it Here's what I found suspicious Because both these women are like Outrageously hot like they're just like super sexy buff ladies

And so I'm like so you're only gonna have one lady fight and they're both suspiciously hot like I really think this is a sex thing with Dana White and um, and this is pro this one probably went viral you might have actually seen this because uh, one girl gets hit so hard she passes out and they They're ready to catch her from behind but she goes forward and like lands directly on the crown of her head and then does like this like little somersault And wakes up like super in good spirits. They hug each other. They're like crying. They know this is wrong They know they've made it terrible the girl that hit her was crying the other girl that got knocked out was like It's okay

Like she felt so bad for what she did to her because it was that brutal the girl that hit her uh the hungarian hurricane Which by the way, one of them came into the ring as Courtney no nickname Olson. Yeah, and she's the one that got knocked out So you could tell that right from the start, but the girl I hit her her opening quote is And I'm not going to do the accent. She says all my life I've been training with guys because I have too much respect for women So she's kind of sweet She did that to a guy not a fucking tear no nothing just cold

But she has to do she had to do that to a woman and she fucking broke down in tears at the brutality She had to execute they were not Viving with with the vibe of the show, which was very like late 90s wwf where yeah Everyone has really sadistic like psychopathic trash talk and then a couple of sexy ladies come in and do a horny or less competent version of the same fighting and like I just felt like that's what dana white wanted

But what he got was like Just two women like proving to themselves that no this we shouldn't no one should be doing this. Yeah, this is bad This is a bad idea. Yeah. Yeah, if you want to see how bad your thing holds up just make two women do it You're like, yeah, exactly cancel it all like shut it down Shut all this down They clearly don't get the same rush out of it that the maniac guys do whatever whatever those whatever slap jesus gets out of This they don't understand it Uh, so but anyway the destroyer was so impressed by her. That's dana whites words

That he had her come on as an assistant coach. So it's like, oh, okay Hey, dana white or like that's that's super hot girl that has the same hobby as me Maybe you could have her move into the house with me. I don't know Mr. Dana white you think that might be gonna should maybe be my slap assistant Help with the slapping. It's somewhere somewhere in here before that he The destroyer says Like what is the exact quote? I think he says

I will die to a slap if I have to Yes, I think he might see will his doctor will tell him. This is why you're dying all of those slaps It's like I made a promise The doctor's not gonna ask him like have you taken any serious injuries to the head lately? he'll have to be like Which uh Not that serious because I won so I don't know what you want me to say here Yeah, I guess this is another one of those

This is one of those situations like the uh, the one-eyed wolf thing where they Had him go through this with no intention of going any further, right? They're like, I thought I'd give the girls a chance, but they I'm not gonna do anything with them like they're not They're not gonna be on the show like it's let's just see him hit each other and see if I get a boner or not I did you won't believe it. I did Let's keep one of them. It's works I uh, next up was john kennedy versus westley all the smoke drained I do have a clip of this

I think there's nothing more humiliating than a nice open hand slap and uh, I just can't wait to slap someone here See why you're here slap daddy You know here trying to make my legs and trying to get my son and uh my kids So he's hawk from over the top. Yes, absolutely. I'm trying to get my son back I was my electrician apprentice back in oklahoma and in Idaho. I was a mason end of quote In one way or another i'm going to be famous Do the out of me. He's fine. I mean we got padding for a reason my dude

He's gonna sleep on it. What is he talking about? It was a resume. It was at this point that I realized that every single person they brought in was from a flyover state Uh, no coastal elites, uh allowed Wesley all the smoke drain all the smoke drain terry bratchett shit right there This was his big break He's been trying to be famous for being a mason and being a plumber, but like being a slapper That's that's going to do it for him. You said you do some trash talk Wesley all the smoke drain Well, I used to be a plumber and uh, it did some amazing rework

Just contract, you know Did you start slapping early before you got here because you're talking you're talking like post slap He doesn't have cauliflower either. I noticed he's so he's got sure he has some wrestling background. Um, so He got slapped in the part of your face made out of balloon and he had the most fucking Gigantic hematoma like just charlie brown headed this motherfucker. Yeah, he was so much trauma trauma being done He was the package art for big league two He was a lemon head Here's the point where I was like, what the fuck is happening because if there's

Imagine I'm I don't know if I'm gonna spoil your notes, but he wins He takes this one slap and his his cheek explodes in slow motion Like you're watching a time lapse of a human cheek exploding and the doctors are okay him To go another round. He didn't thank god because it would have just popped. Right. Yeah, he knocked the other guy out on his next Slap. So that's just fucking lucky. Um, so john kennedy the other guy who's like, I'm just here to get a better life from our kids He got kicked off the show for cocaine Oh, and that was uh, you can tell by his eyes that he was into so he either

Is uh, uh has killed someone. Yeah, I feel like him or he was on cocaine I feel like power slap cocaine is absolutely a performance enhancing drug I think that's what they were hitting each other with when that Ah, there it is That's how you entice them to stays you can have your cocaine But the last time we did this all of all of the bus station guys ran away with the cocaine No, no, no, you have to get slapped and then the cloud of cocaine Blows around you. This is the cocaine delivery system

That's pretty good selling point. They uh That was november of last year that he got uh kicked out the show for cocaine And so they still aired the show without like telling anyone and then uh, now he's just kind of gone on the show Uh, so he had to pay A $150 fine So if you want to get the idea of that kind of money getting thrown around the power slap By god like six times the salary that he earned Yeah, so I don't know how much of this price that is usually when you when you get fined

It's what 10 20 percent of your percentage. Yeah, so that's I think he went in the negative on that one I think like no you owe us. You fuck. Yeah, buddy You're paying for all that extra sandwich you took I love that free extra interesting sandwich every day. We were tracking We have we know I like uh, Wesley drain's Victory speech too because he's it's pretty standard. You know, he's like, yeah, I want to Do make something to myself and then he goes I want to change the world It's like, all right, dude, like you had me for a second there, but uh, I want to slap the world

I want to slap the world The world is one big face Uh The rest of the show they they they talk about the rules a lot like your feet have to be parallel to your opponent They really make it seem like there's a lot to it, but mostly You just have to slap with that lift in your feet off the ground and also just kind of Like file through all the I guess like least excited less exciting fights

Right, it's like 10 fights in here that we that they're just like and these things happen to right and they uh, there is one guy Are we gonna stop on Jawoski best? Jawoski. Oh, yeah, we're gonna talk about Jawoski He has an ulterior motive for being there. Yeah, I think he was there to get punished because yeah He's left like an offended vice roi This guy must have been like six foot six. He was an MMA experience. Yeah and he was Dainty little tap just like oh sound doesn't naughty. He doesn't want to hurt his daddy He doesn't want to hit somebody too hard because then he might not get what he was there for

Which is punished It's a little like the thwack it makes little Did he look like look upset when he lost he'd like the end of obviously this guy went that he's like What are you gonna do? You know, that's a fake. I do like his opponents. Uh, John Davis had this like Real-life super macho man haircut from Mike Tyson's punch out. Yeah, like kind of a bullet but like too Padded up in the back don't look on his face. Yeah Just like how did what why what are you doing here, buddy?

I don't think he realized or maybe he did realize but too late that he was helping another man. Yeah And I I love that during moments like that They'll they'll do a lot of backstage footage because Dana whites back there with like the slap experts and they're like scouting They're like, hmm This kid could be a good slapper with some more work And then but like they'll never be fucking anything. This will never be anything You're like you're scouting for a sport that you are killing in real time Like whatever this sport could have been it's dead now because of this

And it's fucking Schrodinger's sport. You we looked at it. We tried Now it's gone and it's happy There's one can't fucking stand that room by the way Just Dana and his yes, man Not a single person ever disagrees with anybody else and it's like, why are we even cutting to this shit? That's like everything's a foregone conclusion Yeah, I fucking hate it. Uh I talk acting like they're experts on slapping like yeah, because I don't know. I maybe they are

How do you not be I guess if you've been yeah this many times? We're experts they're experts like who should say Uh, the next fight I want to talk about uh, I probably the last fight we'll talk about is there's this heavyweight guy His name is verne kathy. He's just like a highland games daddy He's like just one of those weirdly impossibly strong guys. He's he in his little testimony He's like, I don't really even work out that much. I'm just kind of fucking crazy strong Yeah, uh, he like So nice too. Yeah, he seems like he was so friendly

No, he's a fucking cranky tantrum throwing guy in the series. He would help you move and he would bring beer Yeah, he seems like that but like it's a good time. You know, I'm just hanging out with my friends and he excuse He's got some darkness inside. I'm like as the show goes on like it doesn't take right just if I had to guess Yeah, yeah, that's an easy one though. Yeah, that did come out on tv But like he seems like but again, he's been kept away from his fate He's got four kids and a wife and they seem like a happy little country family And he lives next to his dad and his family like he's got a big country family And here they are like you're in a lock you in a house. Yeah, take you way out of your routine

You're not allowed to talk to him. Anyway, there's one or two black guys here. Yeah Too many too many non whites for this guy's taste Uh, and he just fucking obliterates some guy from cans and some delivery man from cans a liquor distributor That's that's like the second the fucking second like segment to trash talk and his trash talk is I'm a liquor distributor distributing specialty beverages across the state of kansas People came here thinking it was a job interview. Maybe that's how they got him to show up I came here just to try to get a contract for some liquor distribution I'm gonna have to slap the life out of a man for it. That's a little unorthodox, but it's Vegas, baby

So this this country viking monster just fucking knocks his head off just slap and you're like I've never seen anyone get knocked out so hard. Like he's dead. He's just Like uh, and but they liked his cool tattoos. So they peel him off the floor and they're like, let's fucking get this guy in the house Uh, and they oh, he makes it. Yeah, they put him in the house. He lived there for weeks I isolated from his friends and family then they send him home for medical reasons the medical reason being He got his fucking head knocked off by this viking monster so In the prelims like this this the medical issue was from this that we saw in the first episode

I think so. Yes They didn't like give all the details, but they're like in the middle of a testimony or they're like coming They whispered is they're like, hey, yeah, this is okay. Fuck kicked out the show. He's like, oh, okay. Sure I can't hear you. There's blood in my ears. Thank god. I haven't known where I am for so long It's been it's been like six weeks and I've been afraid to ask I Love the denial to that. You know where you are. He's like, yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna fighting tournament like he Kind of yeah close enough. It sounds like you don't if we're being there

Yeah, but there is that denial, you know, it's like it's the same as like My girlfriend doesn't like to be the first person to pass out But when she does so she'll just deny it like oh, right I'm not I was like, yeah, he's like, I'm gonna slap fight tournaments like but you were out We all just watched you we were standing over you for five minutes What I know it's slap liquor distribute slap Distribute slap liquor festival. Yeah, I distribute slaps across all of kansas specialty Uh, if you go back in the old school pride days, they would always interview you guys after they got knocked out backstage

And they're always very very confused about how the fight ended like they're like, no, dude I don't know why they called the fight. I was fucking and like, well, you were unconscious for about seven or eight seconds If you give someone I remember stomping that guy into meat and then angels flew me away If you just don't say anything They'll so I've never been like knocked out like I've been rocked and I don't like the way it feels But I've been choked out and so I've been peeled up off the floor and like shaken awake and it is it's confusing You wake sure your body feels

Drowsy in a way that makes you feel like you've been asleep for a long time But it's been like three seconds and you look around you you legitimately are trying to put the pieces back together And at this tournament I was like, what am I doing? I was at a tournament. Okay, right. Oh, I got tired and bored I went oh, I must take it a nap and now they're waking me up because it's time for me to fight And then I stood up and I looked around and I just looked at the graph and I go I just got put to sleep Welcome back, buddy I was like, holy shit, but you're what your brain does to try to like exactly deny what really happened

This is fucking real. There's been people that have actual momento disease and when they like study these people They they will just make up excuses. The brain will make up excuses. They completely believe so he'll like They were studying some dude that just has no short term memory and he'll just sort of wake up places And have no idea how he got there and like invent jobs that would put them there He'll be like, yeah, I'm a you know tv technician. I'm here to like fix the tv He's like his brain just does it And so I feel like we're getting a little taste of that when people wake up from concussions Yeah, it might be medically useful

Like there might be some good that comes out of this because you are filming through five high speed cameras the after effects Of concussions of mental disease. Like it's sad that it's killing all of these men Right, but I think Kansas City will find their liquor just fine The craft is Y'all know who's had it too good for too long? Sarsquatch laughing at us from their unspoiled forest. Don't even pay rent Well, I'm sick of it. I recruited the best goddamn big-feet hunters this side of the Witla Koochie I call them

the Supremes We got three finger Louis Aaron Crosston Adrienne H Aidan Mouat Alpha scientist javo Andres Larson Armando Nava Badger is hunting foot big because he's dyslexic

Benjamin Sironin Ben Talser Brandon Garlock brought bigfoot urine, but not as a lure and that's all gentlemen will say Brian Saylor Brian Whitney Rockway loves to meet me there. Whoo. Yes, he does Barry Tumath Zeryl

Chatting satisfied hunting bigfoot. He's here to make a bigfoot hunt him Chance McDermott Chris Brower Curious glare bigfoot stole his girl Not romantically bigfoot stole a whole person and he's here for revenge Dan B Devin the rogue supreme Dean Costello bigfoot stole his girl, but romantically and he's here to win her back

Donald Finney Dr. Awkworth Eric Spalm Fancy shark stole bigfoot's girl and he's here to do it again Jell-O Greg Cunningham Hambo Paraca is actually hunting a mothman

Fuckin takes all kinds am I right? Harvey Panguini Poppart Jaber Al Aiden Jeff Haraski John Dean John Hector McFarlane has successfully hunted seven big feet wears her heads on necklace never takes off It's so heavy he's got neck problems. It's real. That's real stuff right there

John McCammon John Minkoff Josh Fabian Joshua Graves is hunting every man's dream Two big feet at the same time Josh S Ken Paisley Ken M is hunting bigfoot the truck. He gonna skin it

M.J. He's about Mack Miserable Matt Riley Max Baroi Michael Lair is here to save bigfoot the deluded son of a bitch Michael Wales Mickey Lohman Mike Stiles

Mojoo fell for one of bigfoot's pyramid scams ain't nobody leaves this forest till that $3,500 comes back Andy Neil Bailey Neil Shaffer Nekku104 don't believe in bigfoot But does believe the zoo has lost more apes than they cotton to Nick Ralston Ozzie Olin

Patrick Hurst Rachel is bigfoot's girl and she called him stepping out Rain Vargas Rhiannon Sarkovsky Sean Chase Saren is only here to find out what they say about fellers with big feet is true Spotty reception

Supernaut Ted H Thomas Kovatsos don't want to kill bigfoot, but he sure wants to fuck him up some Tim Ilehi Toast to God Tom Sikula has two trained bigfoot hounds and they will attack anything over seven feet tall. Sorry Shack Tommy G Wailin Russell

Yissarian And un-Andy who is secretly a bigfoot in a hat and trench coat He's here because infiltrating bigfoot hunts is the only thing that gets his motor running anymore and I support it Oh, no the hounds run run you majestic bastard