The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 117, MILF Manor with Lydia Bugg

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

Seanbaby feels the need to revenge himself upon Brockway and guest, Lydia Bugg. For what? Unspecified. His method? MILF Manor. It's the MILF Manor podcast. You knew it was coming.

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah, nine thousand. Welcome to the dog zone, nine thousand. The number one zone for 1900 hot dog the year of our website. Go to patreon.com slash one nine hundred hot dog to subscribe. Every single weekday you get an article full of jokes from one of our all-star

writers like me and during Internet Classic, Sean Baby. I'm here with my co-host who holds the world record for fastest beard kick with knockout, Robert Brockway. 87 miles per hour. I'm Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact, a relevant one.

I have a unique way of discerning my mother's torso. No question. I don't know exactly what it is. Cut that, cut that. Our guest is a columnist right here at 1900 hot dog.

She's a Conan and Garfield expert hailing from Tennessee. It's Lydia Berg. Hello. Thank you for having me. No thank you for introducing me as a Garfield expert. That's not something I want in my

life. I tempered it with Conan expert. Yeah. I'm okay with that. It's nearly a wash. I guess you're more of a Nathan guy expert. That guy that made the Garfield restaurant

that lost his mind. Somehow that's better to me. I would respect that more. I would be like, yeah, you're looking for garbage in unique places whereas Garfield is just, that's the garbage you have in place. That's why Nathan's so interesting because

he's a twist, new twist on old garbage. Yeah, he's someone that like found Garfield and said like, oh, you know what? I could just make this my life. I will barely add a hook to it. I'm just going to be the Garfield guy and I'll proudly like make that my brand. I just.

Yeah. The actual Garfield guy was like, no, that brand is taken. It crushed him and ruined his life. But he made Garfield though, right? Like, you know, he's just not a cat that you can like take advantage of. And he probably said what?

Well, like Beatles crawled out of his mouth. Like that's fucking inhuman fuck. Should even law have to get involved when you've made Garfield your life and you're not the guy who made Garfield. You should just be shot on site by the police. Just leave your body cam on.

Look into it and say, I just fucking killed this Garfield guy but it wasn't Jim Davis. To be clear, I did not murder Jim Davis. I marked Nathfield, you're all welcome. Public outcry was nil as people enjoyed watching him die.

Well, this is actionable. This is turned actionable somewhere. Yeah, maybe so. I do have a human baby due tomorrow. I think I'm just going through a lot of emotion. So you're looking to take a life and then bring a life into it.

You're just balancing the scales. I see an avatar. I know what this is about. I haven't seen an avatar. If Nathan was like, he said that he encouraged his fans to take my life so that his child could be born.

To be clear, that's exactly what I'm saying. Oh, please God, let that be us. Our first court case. I would love to have that said on the record. I bet he wears the fucking orange suit to court. There's only one case of fake papers. Shuffling them around.

There's only one way to tell and we have to take this as far as it goes. With the money I take from the hot dog site, I'm going to open a new taco place that sells Garfield tacos. Family circus heroes.

That's my new personality. Yeah, that's what I have to be or like, I think I honestly, I think I know what he's going to go for next. And that's so embarrassing for me, but I'm pretty sure he's going to go for Smurfs next. Somewhere.

I can hear Jason Parjan being like for our new listeners, Nate Field. I'm not going to fucking explain it. You know where you don't. He's going to be so pissed. He has to come on the podcast

every time I do and we get twice as many listeners. He's a great guest. Lydia, you're also a great guest. Thank you for returning and you're here every Monday at the site, but where can people find more of you? You can find me on Twitter

at Unolidia. Unfortunately, I'm still there. I'm diseased and I'll never leave. I'll go down with the site. I also have Instagram. Pretty much all social media, TikTok. Unolidia. And I also have a horror novella right now

up on Scribd that's like, I love it. It's called Healthy Choices. And you should check it out. It has like an incredible cover and a very good audiobook. Excellent. Great plug. Thank you. I worked on it. I put a little sticky note out that said, don't forget to mention novella.

Well, you did a great job. You mentioned the shit out of it. And you can go on Scribd. You search for Lydia Bugbear, I imagine. Healthy Choices. People will find you. Today, we're talking MILFs. Specifically, their Manor.

And if they play their cards right, their Tittays. This is a terrible show. And I'm really glad that we got together to talk about it finally. I think this was something that came on and I was like, well, that's a fucking hot dog podcast. Look at this goddamn nightmare. Someone requested it on Twitter.

I saw they were like, will you do MILF Manor and have Lydia on? And I was like, why did you think of me when you saw this? Honestly, I did too. We're like, who should we have on? It's like, well, we need like a feminine point of view, but like a woman who won't hate us afterwards.

There's no problem with that. Oh yeah, you might hate us in an hour. No, I watched the whole thing. I watched the whole thing, you guys. I think it's just, I think they think that because their natural instinct now is that we're the trio to go

to for reality shows full of murderers. And this is the next one. I don't think that murder is, maybe it's happened, but in a year, we'll be looking back at this and doing the behind the scenes. No question. For sure. Who wants to find a MILF murder?

Let's pick the murderer now. How do you pick one? Dirtbag Rocker Son. Gabriel, yep. Yep, it's Gabriel. You would think that from the first two episodes, but if you've seen nearly the entire season, I sadly have, you're going to go for Josh, the 20-year-old.

Oh, Josh was my second. Okay, and my third... Probably the Korean mom. Probably the Korean mom. Oh. Yeah. I mean an intentional murder. She's a heart surgeon, but also like

a dingy idiot. So I feel like she probably kills people all the time on accident. But like, I'm saying she pulls the heart out with her hand and feels its last pumps. I think it's Charlene. Yeah, maybe like in a knife fight.

Like, I wouldn't call it a murder so much as like a gentleman's disagreement. Like, I bet she goes out to some bars where there's some knife fights. She starts, she's the instigator, but again, you wouldn't call it a murder. I can't believe you would say Charlene

when Kelly is clearly a sociopath. No, I think she's going to murder Kelly. Oh, okay. I think Charlene is going to take revenge. I have only watched the first episode because fucking why would I? Why would I watch more than one legally required episode

of this goddamn show? But already I can see that everybody hates Kelly so much, but none with like the confusing passion of Charlene where she's just like sitting there and watching her bring in attention that it's not hers and she will just like,

I'm going to kill that woman. Yeah, that's what we're dropping a lot of names. If no one's heard this, let's kind of maybe go through the cast and premise for our new listeners. These guys. Okay, so Milf Manor is a show

on TLC, which used to stand for the learning channel, but very much does not anymore. And these are mothers and they're on a reality dating show that they're sons. They're not fucking each other, but the sons around them.

And yet, or again, I guess we should say. So it's obviously a very weird and flawed premise and I guess let's kind of go through the cast. They start introducing them,

these poor women and their sons thrown on TV to be humiliated. The first lady is Carol Jane and she is 60 years old. I think she says she's in her 50s. I'm in my 50s. She says I'm in my 50s

and then 59 pops up. You know, like, yeah. Okay, which we kind of figured when she says 50s looks fantastic. I don't want to think anyone thinks I'm talking shit about her looks. If we're here judging ladies on looks, she's looking pretty good.

Extremely high. Constantly wear pigtails to try and make herself seem younger, which was annoying, but yes, otherwise they're all. I don't know if that worked, but it did sort of signify horniness and she just kept saying

that out loud so I don't know why that was necessary. Like she, more than two or three times said I really like to fuck. Yeah, she thought she was going to be the horniest person in the house. Then she met Kelly and was like, I have to find a new personality. Yes, exactly. Can I redo my intro?

I'm going to be the Christian one. That's taken too? That's taken. Shit. I'll be the Mexican. Oh, damn it. That one. Pola is a woman who's she's a ballet dancer, which just like doesn't even come up until like late in episode two.

I think she's kind of just the Latina she's from Miami by way of Mexico and I feel like this is a woman who didn't know she was fuckable until like last week. Like she feels like she's not used to her hair extensions. She's wearing a leather bra

that feels like a Halloween costume on her and anyway, she's kind of hoping some guy will propose which seems like a real strange casual fucking reality show for 20 years too late, right? She thought she was

showing up for like borderline illegal bachelor over here. She's just I'm hoping that a proposal you're hoping you marry a fucking 19 year old. I'm hoping the Lord Jesus Christ will give me the blessing of true love with any of the young men here on this show.

The next one, her name is so young and she's a Korean woman who she's been here for 32 years, but she's her broken English is still hanging on there, which is pretty impressive. She thinks kissing is gross, but loves to fuck and how does she

introduce herself? I know, I know. Yeah, she says I don't like to say I'm so I'm so young. My name is so young and I am so horny, but they censor the word horny for some reason. So I had I put that in my notes. I'm like, I have no idea what she said because I wasn't

looking at her lips. Yeah, it had to be horny. I was like, did she say she's so shitty? She's so fucked like what did she say here? Okay, they wouldn't censor horny. I think she said what they would censor what in that context. I didn't do the lip reading.

Yeah, because again, why would I pay more attention to this show? Lude as fuck. Yeah, I think she said I'm so young and I'm so wet and like they had to blur it. No. Oh, no, not on Milf Manor, man. She has real like middle

child drunk for the first time energy, I think. Yeah, I agree. The reason to pay attention to this show for me was because it felt like watching the Stanford Prison experiment in real time. Like it was fascinating. Yeah, it

felt like a psychological torture straight. Absolutely. And certainly, I get it. Certainly, it will be illegal in 10 years time. We'll look back on it and be like, yes, this has been a great breach of ethics. There are laws against this now. I think we'll look back on it and say, god damn

2002 is a different time. 2023! Yeah. The next woman is named April also. And she's from Detroit. She is talking like grandma shit. She is

just like, yeah, I hope to meet some nice boys and teach them about the dangers of drugs. I don't know why she's here. Bake them pies. Fun fact, she later gets kicked out of the house basically just for being too boring.

They kick off one couple. It's April and her son. And they bring in another couple the next day and they pretend like they were always planning to do that. Yes, amazing. I love that you know that because I read that on the Wikipedia. I'm not going to watch these episodes for the context. But

yes, thank you for that. She does say she got married at 14, which and then doing this show. So you got married at 14 and then we're married like most years. She says 28 years or something like that. And then you come on

milk man. She always just gets everything a little bit wrong this April. Fresh out of the convicts. You know what I want to do be fired to the fucking moon and go into the moon like what no, that's not even the what are you doing? You're not prepared for this

in many directions. And my next the next one that gets introduced is probably my favorite one. Her name is Charlene. She's from Jersey and she is just like just sad with low self-esteem and has like legitimate like

tragic backstory that like and she just wants like some sort of a dick to cure this terrible darkness like she's just everything about her is this giant bummer she comes and she's like fuck yeah ladies and everyone's like oh no, no, no, what is this like nobody's into it.

She I don't know how to explain it. She's like a cashier at a diner in Nebraska. She's just like got this like road hard like attitude like you buy your plumbing

equipment from her. I think she the vibe is that she's there because her son is like like a 12. He's a former stripper and looks like a dollar store Chris Hemsworth but not in a bad way. Yeah, we know why

we know why you're on the show and one of you was carrying it and it's not Charlene I will say if this show took place in the post apocalypse Charlene's my pick. I'm going for the early 100% line back your shoulders

looks like she knows how to stand the day outside just knowledge on that face plus two leather armor for skin. She also says before we move on her tragic backstory is that her daughter died and you're like rolling your eyes and she goes last year like oh

and then she says and so I'm on Milf Manor for Ashley fucking that's the sadness she brings not just in like the tragic loss but in like how she's fucking adapted that into her like how she's framing that

loss like Ashley would not want you to fucking 19 you I don't think that's she's like my daughter would want to see me get laid from heaven I think like her hockey son brings up a point that I wanted to raise

or maybe that's a question I feel like the casting had to have been very difficult for this because they had to cast a very fuckable mom very fuckable son and I don't think they quite nailed that with all the ladies but I think most of the men are pretty desirable young

men some of the men a couple of the men are also the less fuckable men and you're like okay I see where that's coming from but I feel like all things being equal it was like if the dude is hot and the mom is okay like they're on the show I feel like that's the way that the casting director like was leading well yeah

because it's I mean there's a third factor kind of had to be so complicated to cast this it had to be so complicated because the factor is is the son hot does the son want to bang older women is the mom hot yes and then does she want

to bang yeah there's a lot of got a lot of boxes you need to take to get this to work and also are they fun and they they miss that with one of those ladies so they're like they miss that with a lot of the son the sons are all cute but a lot of them don't have any personality or have like

a weird really weird personality and are trying to I think hype that up for the cameras even more for sure that like you you'd meet them be like okay this is looking pretty good and then you get to know me like okay yeah they're there

none of these men are romantic options for the self-respect but if you're totally tore up and you're not going to see them the next day fine whatever sure yeah the next one they introduce is disco mommy Kelly she claims to be like his online personality

I checked post-show she only has like 50,000 Instagram followers which again great that's that's a there's a lot of people that clearly want to come see what she's doing but like that seems like not influencer numbers those are very small numbers she's very fit for an older lady

legitimately weirdly shiny like she's very always shiny for nine episodes she remains that shiny little glittery and real like belligerently aggressive like I'm going to be fun you fucking assholes

no matter no matter what and she has six kids with different fathers and is real defensive about that she likes to teach younger men things and the producer just straight up says like oh like what are you talking about there she goes oh I can't say

that on TV so she's like this is milk matter you could say fucking anything except for the word what yeah go ahead and shove this cucumber down your throat we'll fucking linger on that for eight minutes that's the type of show we're making ma'am so she won't shut up about how fucking your son for reaction shots

yeah let's see if it gets him hard that's what we're making that's fucking on the shot list your son's boner okay I feel like I got thrown in without intros like suddenly there's just a couple extras

and I'm like oh so it's this kind of show where like a lot of these women aren't they're almost extras where you're going home these are the ones that are going home wait don't don't skip Kelly's son because Joey to me was the most I felt like he was

an SNL character of a person like he he has the energy of a virgin at a sex party you know like he's just like I'm so I'm so glad to be here like he keeps looking at the camera too like he's checking the camera for approval

when he does his bits which is like it betrays his need for attention so badly and like it just makes everything he does like not reality show fun and like fucking annoying little brother fun and by bits you of course mean whoa oh no

random sounds like he's going he's going for a reverent opening his mouth to say something a reverent and then nothing of substance happens and he's constantly surprised by how he has nothing to say I fucking hate Joey he's also 20 and so he like hasn't lived

right like and so when everyone else is talking about sexual conquest Joey's always like I once touched a girl over the pants stop jacking him off right in front of me oh no I swear that kid is a virgin because like they do ask him like how much experience do you

have at one point he's just says like not as much as you probably like oh no Joey get out of here Joey we're skipping ahead because we actually haven't met the men yet oh I didn't know that was how you were doing it I'm sorry oh no there's no structure to this

like there's no everyone knows what the show is anyone who saw the trailer knows what the show is but these women are clearly told like hey you're going to go on the show and fuck all these young dudes and then all these guys are told hey you're going to go on the show

and fuck all these old ladies and so as the men start getting introduced they're all kind of talking like that like hey here's me you know here's part of my personality I'll bang an old lady I don't care like they all say a variation of that the first guy's like I like old ladies and the second guy's like I like mature ladies

and then the other guy's like I like older women who can keep up with me and so it's clearly they've either been coached or it's a sex fetish thing and then they reveal them and they're like what one of those old ladies is my mom and yeah I don't buy that reveal

at all it's so much darker it's dark if you brought them there and you revealed it and then they're all like well now we have to fucking deal with this but for them to sign up knowing that's what this show

is which by that performance of oh no my mom's here like you did not hire actors to do this like let's live in the reality they're trying to expect us to live in here like how do they like what do they fucking tell them

like you guys are coincidentally on opposite reality shows filming at the same time in La Paz, Mexico I mean yes okay obviously listeners I'm a genius but I think it would have occurred to me that the twist in my reality show about banging old ladies filming next door to my mom's reality show

about banging young dudes made by the same production company could be leaked somehow and then you don't run you don't break containment and do a run out of that fucking city you know just I don't, as soon as it occurs to you

you need to be fleeing or you're a crime against humanity yeah I think the other thing I like I want to say some positive things about the show is that it does seem like the world seems to be aging specifically with my generation like these milfs would have been grandmas on a 2000s era dating show

and so like if this was like a 2000 era dating show it would have been called Gravediggers and Sons hosted by the Crip Keeper Crip Keeper maybe the Undertaker I don't know but it would have been it would have had a totally different vibe whereas here's just like this kid isn't old enough to drink and they're like

here's a bunch of like grandmothers for you to sleep with and it's like kinda not like played as a gross thing I guess so good for society for allowing this monstrosity to happen although they pause like right after the reveal they cut to everybody

for reaction shots and Charlene says something like well it was a little awkward seeing my son there because then I had to realize that they're all all of these boys are my son's age like yeah what are you doing yeah I feel like they all kinda came in

with the same sort of reality show swagger where it's like yeah dude I fuck all the time I love to fuck I got so many sexual conquests people to me are just numbers they're just these this prey that I fucking hook up with and then it's like oh here's your mother here's your son and now they have to be confronted with like

oh what if other people have feelings what if someone like me happened to someone I care about and then they have to watch it and I feel like this should have worked like this this in a way is a really strong like morality lesson for these like sexual

predators but it's like bouncing right off of them they're all like oh god damn it now my mom has to watch me fuck all over like here's yeah you see them skate around it like the idea comes to them and they almost get it in their testimonials they're like it was awkward because they were all my son's age and you can

see a gear no no you missed fucking dirty bitch you were almost you were so close you were so close to that like there's another like right afterwards when they're talking in the in the post reveal testimonials I think

it's a Ryan and I forget his mom's name she was one of the ones that did not warrant an introduction they're like talking about how his eyes went everywhere but his mom and she's like thank god for that and then they both pause and there's like a moment there where you see kind of a naked terror

starting to and then they just laugh but there's a moment where they're like whoa oh no that was funny there's a lot of great reaction shots in this show because like they reveal the sons and then it's just like 50 to 60 quick reaction shots of everyone like looking

sad or disgusted or confused and just like yeah this is all seems really genuine I like to get everyone's first impressions too because so young has this like weird reactions like oh I like Jose that's polo son

and her reasons are like oh he has no tattoos his nose is the right length he has thick thigh gap he has an extra finger like she has this just insane list of things she likes about men that I really appreciated that she kept doing

she's the one that will pause several times every time they compare this to like an older man she's like I hate older men she hates them so much even there when they're her age she's like it's disgusting well like everybody is into Jose and I was forever trying to be

like why when Harrison is there and then I realized that Jose is just the tallest see I get Jose Jose is actually a Mexican TV announcer and he went on a date with Kelly

and in my notes I was talking about that where they kind of just go out to the sunset and they like start to talk and he just he's like I'm so happy to be able to spend such a he just like was spitting such sincere and well articulated romantic game where I'm like this dude is like a fucking

actor or something like it just felt like this guy must crush ass he's got like a Krasinski thing where you meet it you see him you're like that's that man's not handsome and you're like well maybe he's like too handsome I don't know it doesn't make you just kind of can't figure him out

yeah I thought he was definitely handsome I just didn't think that like like literally everyone when they asked all the women like who's who's the hottest they all said Jose and I was like wow across the border like everyone just kind of looks kind like he looks the nicest when you see Harrison and you're like

yeah yeah but that's Patrick Bateman like that's like that's a kind of handsome that is very close to a criminal like it's very close to murderously handsome yeah okay he's wrong with you to be that handsome when they revealed

he was a stripper you could feel like the entire vibe shift like all the women are like woo and you could tell like he's kind of got like this really fake bashful swagger all of a sudden he's like yeah I guess I guess I was kind of a stripper ladies just he knows what's going to happen next he's been here a thousand times

before anyway I this fucking show it's funny that you're talking about like the structure earlier Lydia because there isn't like there's just I normally have notes that leads through the plot of something but nothing fucking happens this show there's like a stupid awkward party game and then

just a bunch of horny idiots saying dumb shit if this was flavor of love they would have had nine challenges by now someone would have taken a share on the floor if this was rock of love Brett Michaels would have already brought 70 types of HPV together inside one very lucky woman but this there's just nothing happening here it's just

they stick them in a room and they're like six cocktails and say some mediocre dumb shit they don't even have a host for the show I think that's hilarious that like I wonder do you think that they tried to get a host for the show and everyone was like absolutely fucking not want to have a career

that's probably what happened we got to get Gary Busey in here he's the only one that is medically unfit enough for us to exploit onto this show yeah who do we think they asked who would they think want to host Milf Manor

do you think they asked flavor of life he would never besmirch his mind Milf stands for military intelligent lighting fires I'm Gary Busey welcome back to Milf Manor we're cutting that one

one head injury and I'm not allowed to make fun of Gary Busey we're allowed to make fun of Gary Busey but only because the world has somehow decided that's okay for us and I don't know I'll never understand why is this one okay apparently it is

I don't know but everybody yes has unanimously decided it's fine why is this one shit like we can make fun of Kevin Sorbo too but he's that way because he had a stroke like he had a stroke and turned into a maniac and we're like fuck you is that what happened

he's really shitty well yeah okay I didn't know that was shitty he wasn't shitty before the stroke that shitty turned him into a right wing dick bag yes and that is super common that happens to a lot of head injury stroke if you have brain damage you tend

to go conservative very quickly and it's just because of the cult like status you go into it God this is a terrible direction for wait no this is better than Milf Manor it's probably relevant to the show I know about Kevin Sorbo this week

so I was like oh no like I said we're allowed I don't know why one of his outfit choices, what if that was because he had a stroke Robert look the whole world knows this and says it's okay just like with Gary we're putting him on fucking pet judge and we're like yeah it's cool

so I don't know what kind of world do we live in I don't know how to navigate the world that allows and celebrates Milf Manor but that's this world so fucking do it do it Kevin Sorbo but anyway

this show is obviously trying to destroy these families I want to make sure no one gives the show the benefit of the doubt they are here to humiliate people and hurt their lives for money what else do I have my notes so young's son Jimmy has his dating app set to 65

set he didn't say he didn't say a range I have to assume he meant like upper range but he did not say that he said I have it set to 65 he's like if you're 66 let's talk but 65 you're fucking in just send the nudes

straight over at one point one of them says in this like this reel of like now it's the guys turn one of them says like sorry one of the moms said sorry ladies I guess I'm going to be sleeping with your sons I'm like yes

Kelly Kelly says that immediately the first night it gets turned out that dude is real cool he's like here's this lady throwing her stuff at him he's like nah don't worry about it no thanks

the offer is come into my room and fuck me in front of my son he's like nah I don't know how appealing that was listen lady I'm 20 I got a lot of time to live before I make these mistakes

I don't need to start my life by fucking a mother in front of her son it's just like a real like baller move I think to just turn down a flat invitation for sex like that

and he would turn to the camera and he put it in some way like she's talking she's trying to get like day one strokes like he's like shocked by this like this woman just met me and she's trying to fuck and I'm like man when I was that age I would have been like

this is a best case scenario I don't know all of these grandmothers you mean I don't have to choose just one grandmother man there was I feel like I moved to San Francisco and I was in my early 20s it's just like

they were operating on like a 10th or 11th date schedule like they'd meet you and they'd be like oh yeah we're gonna fuck this saves me so much time and like hardship you know what I mean I think that was the attitude of I don't know the guys seem to move

much slower than the women here but I think they were all really annoyed by it honestly cause they were dating 20 year olds there's like a social to a young lady when she has a lot of sex and then an older lady's like yeah this has no effect on my life anymore

I could just fuck whenever I want so they did yeah it's liberating when you get old enough to realize that like it's not a big deal but like but on public television it still is ladies like calm down absolutely you're humiliating yourselves women

but I don't know man clock's ticking like one of them's going a lot sooner than the other you can kind of understand like no we gotta do this who knows like my dad died at 66 that's how Kelly feel

like Kelly's sexual aggression made me uncomfortable just like from millions of miles and months later watching it I was like Kelly it's blind terror sometimes blind terror manifests weirdly and that's what Kelly is doing

she's running from the reaper hoping to find him in the bed of a 20 year old he'll never look here why would you look here jesus we're cutting that so there's a

competition to get the there's two hot tub suites and it's a very nice mansion normally reality shows take place in little mcmansions but this is like a beautiful beach resort mansion two hot tub suites that goes to the winner and the winners are the women who can identify their son

by torso pawing so you've probably seen this this went very viral where all the boys take off their shirts and then the women get blindfolded and touch the men and trying to find their son and I feel like thought

okay everybody knows once you reveal the twist the sons and the mothers in the same house everybody knows you're getting here you wouldn't do this twist if you weren't going to escalate it you don't start at that twist and then dial back but I thought like episode 3

episode 4 is when you start on this and they're like no halfway through the first episode mothers feel up your sons well and it's terrifying that later they find ways to up the stakes from that that I can't everybody stopped watching after episode 1 which is great you should have

but there is later an episode where they have the sons kick through a pile of underwear and find their mothers underwear by scent I'm assuming whatever method there's one of them that pretends to floss with a thong

that he's not sure if his mothers are not oh no I don't like this world was it Harrison because Charlene was 30 year old men's white briefs no Harrison turned out to be weirdly religious and left the show

because of his principles the stripper had to leave the show for principles that's what you fucking made TLC sex workers like no not for me how do you not feel shame when that happens like you have to see that and be like whoa hold on

wait a minute no we just did something wrong that's the canary and this is a bad coal mine it was our moral canary this was the 20 year old stripper because when he leaves he'll do fucking anything for coke as all male strippers will

he's going to go rub his dick on a bachelorette party and he's too good for you yeah so they call this competition they set it up by saying we're going to find out who's the most in touch with their sons none of them take this as a red flag none of them is like oh gross I don't like how they put that

they're like oh I can't wait I love to touch my son and I love this in a lot of ways because there's a couple that just knew immediately like I think Pola knew her sons shoulders he had like very broad shoulders just like boom this is you totally asexual just like yeah I recognize

your shoulders there's one I loved because the really boring couple that got kicked off the show he's the only one without abs all these kids are really fit and then here's this guy it's kind of like a potato with skinny arms he's just like he's not a gym guy whatever

and she just runs up and like pats him on the big old Winnie the Pooh tell me and she's like I found it sorry I know this isn't good for your self-esteem but I'm not here as a mother I'm here as a milf sorry

sorry for getting you hard with that too it's really embarrassing for both of us Kelly grabs Ryan and he's like this 20 year old and she says like hey I don't even know how to

fucking put this my notes just say she says this is your dad like she grabbed this kid that was her son's age and she goes this is your dad she keeps taking it to the grossest possible end point of this of these sexual dynamics maybe she was trying to take it down

by being by like just escalating their premise like is this what you want yeah you'll know I hate that you put me like she was actually shocked by the reveal and she's like I'm gonna take your show fuck you for doing this I'm gonna you'll be able to air this yeah you want me to fuck my son on live TV

huh huh is that what you want yeah yes but not until episode six he's like which hole we had a like who's what is a familial relationship when the lights are off kind of bit so if you could wait for

that yeah fuck jimmy does say he wants to eat polis feet and there's like a 20 second clip of him just all I want to fucking put those feet down my throat he's getting like no hold on hold on the reveal the way they structured that was they

clearly went to that on a commercial and I did I didn't see the commercials because I obviously pirated this I'm not giving it anything in the world I'm never my TV will never know that I did this but the way they structured it was they were gonna throw to a commercial and they cut

to him being like god what does he say he says like I I'm definitely gonna put those feet in my mouth yeah he says I want to put her whole foot in my mouth and then it like cuts and you're like well they did that to make him look bad and then they cut back and he just starts talking I want to warm I want to paint them I want to rub lotion on

them and then I want to suck the acrylic off and I want to shove them deep in my fucking what I didn't expect an hour's you never expect the jump cut to be like no it was way worse than we said yeah like we went out on the tank bit Jimmy he's one of the ones I feel

like is performatively trying to be as pervy as possible because yeah he talks about how he's a foot fetish and then he mentions eating ass and all of the milfs reacted the most hilarious way where it's like when some one person says like I'm gonna have a margarita dinner and everyone goes oh margarita

I didn't know that was on the menu like they're all very interested in it that's a very generational thing Jimmy you gotta be careful yeah the thing that separates these people more than ages how one of them one generation did not eat ass

and one very much does one might only have eaten ass up to this point I don't know Joey that might have been the only thing Joey's done I really love Charlene kind of doesn't know like how reality shows work

like she's like oh that Kelly person is a little bit much this is not a game show but like fucking is you said idiot you're fucking here to fuck the little boys I thought we were gonna be serious about this is it worse if it's not

this like I guess I guess if it's not this it's fucking it's to catch a predator I mean it's a real it's a suspiciously nice house with somebody coming in to find somebody much younger Joey could definitely be on to catch a predator he could be one of the

like adults that they use as bait he could be 15 yeah that's true Brock I know you only watched the first episode but I watched the second because that's how good I am at my job and they start with this exchange between Kelly and her son Joey

my mom he does get a lot of attention from here mainly because she never wears bras and the girls are always popping out you know the headlights are always on so it didn't bother you when your baby's sucking on a mirror so

let's keep it going cause I needed the milk mom I needed some energy you were really thirsty what what is this what is this fucking thing to say and that's him the whole time he has

the tone of someone saying something silly or strange but it's just like no no no you missed just like a fucking god that was like falling backwards down an escalator it just kept going up and falling way back down and then dragging back up

stop this I want to get off I don't want to fall down this forever yeah and he's so into getting small and laid it's like is that going to make your life better somehow Joey please one of you guys have sex with my mom

she's not going to quit asking you guys I don't care if he's 22 I just want a dad yeah I'm mentally 11 it'll work out so the big dynamic that happens in the second episode is Paula

does not like Jose dating Kelly Jose and Kelly go for a boat ride they go out and see like a mushroom rock which is some sort of a like famous landmark near La Paz and they go see it's like a six foot rock that kind of looks like a mushroom

and I just I love that like we as a people just decided this mushroom rock is a thing put it on the map people go go look at it and like this is one like he's just like yes you know I have I'm having a wonderful time and you are such a beautiful woman

to be able to spend it and you're just like well she's why are her panties still on this woman is completely helpless do all this romance anyway his mother is certain that he would never fall for the the wiles of this this cougar

she's like oh he does not like that type of thing and everyone's trying to tell her no he is fucking her in the ocean right now lady he's like no no no he does not like he likes nice girls I love that you see a you see a teaser that that's the last five minutes the first episode it's uh it's Jimmy

and so the the over enthusiastic foot pervert is like no they're gonna do something you're here with the horniest arguably the horniest guy on the show and he's telling you like no I think that guy's pretty horny

Joey seems to know what the deal is he's like having fun on the reality show I'm sorry Jimmy uh Jimmy is the the one that's like having a great time fully emotionally invested in this uh as a life experience um

but uh Charlene I think is the one that like doesn't get it like I was talking about earlier she doesn't quite understand how a reality show works like she's so guileless she's just gossiping as if like there aren't cameras on her as if like she's not meant to be entertaining or

she's just like hey that other girl she likes sex too much and that other girl she's not very pretty and that other girl I don't like it's just like what have you never had a social relationship in your life like she just I don't know I love Charlene she just doesn't get it done a lot of barn work

most of the time in the barn most of the time in the barn bailing she's great at running a blitz play but like does not know how to navigate social situations I had a hot zone and now I want a hot zone oh no not that one

no don't leave it Robert Rockway so the challenge for this episode is that they're supposed to stump their mom and their son with a secret to win a romantic date and so they all have to write down like something sexual they did that their mother or son doesn't know about

and it's so fucking stupid and I feel like these are very easy people to manipulate so they're probably true they probably said hey guys you have to put true things down or like you could get arrested we could all this whole show could get shut down if you're dishonest so these are probably true but

they put them all down and then like the mother will go over and say oh which one of these terrible things did my son do one of the secrets was I got pink guy from eating ass Rockway do you want to take a guess at who that was you didn't see this episode but I bet you'll know who this was

I'm gonna say Jimmy it's exactly Jimmy exactly Jimmy that's a jimmy fucking thing to say for the rest of the season they refer to eating ass as pulling a Jimmy I thought it was gonna be pink guy getting pink guy you want to get some pink guy but the way he acted out was like

he was rubbing his mouth on the ass and then like rubbing his eye on it like he was just getting in there so deep he was just trying to get in up to his neck into that ass it was like a full swipe from bottom to top and and Polo was the woman

who was he was kind of interested in before that and she was like oh fuck I'm really glad I didn't kiss that guy like she was still like that guy still probably has butt on his mouth from years ago is she wrong no absolutely not

I would love at that point in time if somebody if one of us could have just walked on set and been like hey everybody pause I just had this guy enact eating ass in front of his mother just just alright everyone take a look at yourself time back in I just wanted to point that out

and action Zach Morris this motherfucker one of the secrets was there was two girls and I just hit it and quit it and didn't call them back which is hilariously chased like this is just like

do you think they wanted to come in you thought they wanted to go on a date you know two relationships that didn't work out like and that was of course Joey that was the 20 year old who's like trying to hang with the big boys with his like sexual conquests like guys listen to this there's two girls I slept with

that I'm not even in touch with anymore oh not even at the same time he was just saying like no just like okay there's a couple of some people call them one night stands he's done them twice yes

it was funny about that to me was April looked at the board and was like well I hope that wouldn't be my son like I think that's awful and then she looked at one that said I had an orgy with seven women and she said that could be him and I'm like okay so

if he has an orgy with seven women he'd better be calling them all the next day because you can't hit it and quit it right you can't you all want to go on a date the next I call it seven dwarfing I'm going to be we're all just going to hang out he's the snow white in that situation

I bet he didn't pursue a relationship with those seven women so that is seven hits it and quits it all in one so I'm just saying like that's the numbers that guy's dealing with this is when Charlene reveals that her son was a stripper because his was like I grinded on a grandma and she liked it

so she's like well yeah that's my son that's fucking day job like that's how we make money it'd be weird if she didn't she didn't like it and I had to pay her her $74 back

so yeah the other ones are like I had sex on a beach I had sex on an elevator pretty normal things that would happen over the course of a human life but like very risqué for a mother and son however one of them did legitimately disrupt a relationship

so young confessed to having sex with her son's best friend he wasn't quite sure which one but he was like legitimately betrayed by this and when I filmed a little selfie video of him like just fucking processing this trauma got completely balls naked and jumped in the pool

and when it was wrecked too I think he got hammered got hammered looked off all his clothes and jumped in the pool and was so sad that was legitimately like I felt bad for him and so Charlene was out there I don't know if to comfort him or she's just like

you know I might fuck this nude boy in the pool but then like his mom came out and she's like get the fuck out of here Charlene and she's like hey buddy I have sexual needs I just have sex with any of your friends it doesn't occur to me to do moral things

and he's like mom you're not ready for the realness he can't form coherent thoughts because who the fuck would sit there for this except for the cameraman and so he starts talking to the cameraman he's like hey cameraman this is the fucking realness man

just being naked with your bros in the pool so he had a full mental breakdown because of what his mom did this was episode two episode two yes see this is why I kept watching like when my little nephews get upset

they always start taking their shirts off I don't know if that's like a boy thing like their clothes can't contain their emotions so it was really funny to me to see like an adult boy get really upset and just be like rah take all his clothes off and jump in the pool

too sad for shirts yes I think that that's like I don't know if it's a generational thing or what but like that's a thing that boys do and I'm like this is a child like I want to give this kid a juice box and tell him that it's gonna be okay he took his trunks off like 25 feet

from the edge of the pool too this was not something he decided after he was safely underwater he spent a lot of naked time above ground so anyway she just doesn't get it hey hey so young maybe

sex has consequences party slut anyway Kelly and Hosea are now making out and Pola is very very mad about it but something happens where the two ladies from Mexico start speaking Spanish to each other they're really happy they're here

in you know this beautiful Mexican resort they're speaking Spanish and Kelly decides this is not okay and isn't quite sure why but no she's not quite sure how to explain why

but she is like she's also convinced that they're talking about her and imagine a world where no one gives a shit about her and like the only thing they show them talking and they're just shooting the shit because they all

speak the same language and then she looks over at Kelly and is like why is Kelly staring at us and that's the only time they ever talk about her is because she's shooting them daggers and so some of it's paranoia but most of it's racism she's just like and

she kind of betrays this a little like don't give her the benefit of the doubt because at one point she says um are we speaking German which is like an interesting second language to choose when you're doing something very very racist anyway

this is just one of those things white people think they get to tell non-white people what to do and this happens for probably 40 minutes of this episode to the point where people on the show are like dude is that fucking still going on are they still fighting about this there's one point where the two ladies are speaking Spanish in a room by themselves

and Kelly like jumps into the room to be like how dare you I said no more and it's just like what the fuck like she's just like lurking in the shadows this anti-Spanish police and then one of them occurs to her like bitch we're in fucking Mexico

like we can we can talk Spanish if we want go back to your country go back to your country and it's so sad because you can tell we've had to placate people with this before and they're both just like oh sorry we'll speak English I guess

instead of being like you're insane at first it like doesn't occur to them like oh this bitch is racist it's just like oh yeah this is normal we get this in grocery stores a lot when we run into other Spanish speakers we've met white people like you before it just never occurred to us

that it was this bad until someone did it for an hour in front of us but is still kind of into it like his mom is like dude she's fucking disrespecting me she's she's a racist bitch she won't she's like not allowing people to speak Spanish in Mexico

because that's how how in charge her whiteness is and he's like yeah but mom I'm still gonna I think I'm still gonna go fuck that old lady mom um I guess then he's he does Jose dates everyone in the house he dates like

three women he has like in the end three people interested in him but at one point like halfway through he sneaks off with Kelly and they get to go since there are no fucking rules to this show they get to go and spend the night at a hotel together after he's like

ignored her for a while because he does get mad about this and doesn't talk to her for a while and then the producers are like we're bored what if you went to a hotel with Kelly by yourself and definitely fuck her and he's like yeah that sounds good because I'm very horny and after him and Kelly have sex

he's like you know Kelly has a really good spirit and I'm just really attracted to like her personality um and they end up together that's like the arc of the show those two make it yeah I mean I technically I'm halfway through the final episode

but they make it to the finale yeah his mother's worst racist enemy yeah 30 years a senior like young people um my people their parents don't like yeah interesting

he's trying to piss off mommy he's clearly been a mommy's boy she's like I train him in my studio and all like he's yeah he's trying to piss a little too close to mommy and now he wants to piss her off I think he just knew that would be the best

her thought that would be the best TV because Kelly was set up for a villain arc from the beginning and that's definitely going to get him on camera and also you know bonus have sex so they do kick in my research I found they did kick the couple

off for being boring and rightfully so they were just very square and pleasant and they were placed them with a real working actress named Lisa Wilcox who was in a couple nightmare on Elm Street she was the dream master in fact and something called Utah on Star Trek so that's interesting

oh Star Trek I didn't know cool I'm gonna have to look up that episode the dream master though I did the dream master today yeah how'd you do no I won okay good so yeah she's

she's who were they I guess they had to have eight couples otherwise the show falls apart but yeah there's just no structure to this they just sort of say hey here's the thing like remember that fucking thing we were talking about earlier that have to stump your mom like you won by not knowing what your mom and son did

so the couples that like were like I know what my son did I know what my mom did they're like yeah we did it we won like no no no you specifically lost yeah that's where having a host would be helpful to like explain what's going on instead of getting sending text message to people and they have to yell hey I got a text message

this is what we're supposed to do and a lot of times it seems like they contemplate saying no because like who's gonna stop like no one's there uh the guy I almost liked in a weird way was Gabriel he's like

the rock and roll guy he grew on me he's like a real rock and roll guy I looked him up he has a few well produced music videos but only like 600 youtube subscribers which is just a nightmare number he has 200k on tiktok

okay well that's good but when I saw his youtube number you're just old it's just a platform but still those are also kind of small numbers uh I feel like he's humiliating himself on tv and it still didn't help like the idea of fame

as a road to success is as dead as education or talent being a road to success so I I feel like what the show is saying in besides besides like we're terrible tv producers who want to destroy lives it's saying future generations you're all going to fight swamp refugees

for the last remaining robot fluffing there is no future for any of us media is dead jobs are dead the economy will collapse anyway um I had that in my notes too Gabriel did you think that specifically

yes because like this is a person who's been trying to be famous got on a very famous show this was a fucking hit show it was a number one unscripted debut show in a lot of key demographics it got 45 million views in their social media accounts everyone I know has at least heard of it or seen a viral clip of it

and one of the principal stars it just can't get anyone to look at him on his youtube channel and he's the child of someone famous too like not able but his dad is kind of famous what's his name fuck he's on the show

briefly uh Thomas Jane or something his last name is Jane no Thomas Jane is his father that is not telling you that fucking that is not hold on it's Billy Jane Billy Jane but I think um it's the Billy Zane is his father

Billy Billy Jane oh man it's close to let's see he's uh nepotism I think it's Robert janes' brother he's like he's from an acting family dream chief I don't know what that is

because we already dream master on the show this is the part of the show where we explain our jokes to each other yeah we get a little punch drug after exploring the end of human morality for an hour

right well here's a variety interview with the lady tasked with marketing this fucking nightmare I think we all had a moment where we went wait what what are we doing TLC senior VP of marketing Jennifer Jackowitz said of Milf Manor it was a slight moment of panic

focused on energies and we said okay we're gonna do this but some of the unusual marketing methods such as paid media had to be reconsidered we were rejected by some media outlets understandably Jackowitz said we were definitely not putting any money

toward paid search because the algorithm would not work in our favor so we didn't come to this campaign from a paid mindset we came at it from a we know this is gonna be noisy and buzzy we know that TLC is the brand I just wanted to make it clear that this network is for watching unremarkable people

suffer and die yes that's what we are learning I just that's the last line of my notes that last thing I just said well that can't be the end of the show wow there's nothing so tragic as when the young die before the old

here at hot dog space camp we know that all too well a moment of silence please for the late hot dog space class 2023 three finger Louis Aaron Crosston

Adrian H just wanted to see the stars fuck we told her that's not how it works but she was a dreamer Aidan Mouatt Alpha scientist Javo UnAndy Armando Navar worked hard

partied harder and they say died the hardest Badger Benjamin Sironin Bim Talzer Brandon Garlow Brian Saylor was the first to suggest

they steal a real rocket but we're trying not to place blame here Brienne Whitney Brockway loves the meat hilly still does Barry Tumac Cyril was the one who actually stole the rocket and it's his fault

Chad Chance McDermott Chris Broward Curious Glare just wanted to smell space Devin the rogue supreme Dean Costello Donald Finney will never forget your tragic last words

Wimp Eric Spalding Fancy Shark Jellaho deserved better than to be torn apart by space apes but he did bring those apes up there Greg Cunningham Hambo

Haraka Harvey Pinguini's parents are suing the school we understand they're hurt but exploded by Asteroid is a pretty classic act of God Hot Fart Jaber Al Aiden died how he lived on the moon

Jeff Horaski We've lost every one of our precious Johns John Dean's family asked us to say may he rest in the peace he hated in life John Hector McFarlane's family asked us to say may he rest in war

John McCammon's family asked us to say may the bastard find no rest John Minkoff's family chased us off their property with a thresher Johnny No Fun was ironically too much fun it turns out space is not

the ultimate bomb cooler Joseph Searle's will never forget your tragic last words which were just your own name yelled from a saddle tied to a booster rocket Now it may not hurt as badly as losing the Johns but we lost

all of our Josh's too Josh Fabian we hope you finally found Alph Joshua Alph Graves if only the two of you had met in life Josh S we hardly knew ye nobody could even find a picture

leading theories say you were an urban legend Ken Paisley K&M M Jahi Chapelle Mack Miserable Matt Riley when you enrolled you told us you wanted to die naked on a comet we laughed

at the time Max Baroy Michael Lair Michael Wells now the school is suing Mickey Lohman's family for defamation we are not a school full of buttholes who teach kids that rockets point down

Mike Stiles Mojo N.D. Neil Bailey Neil Schaefer will miss your laughter most of all it went like this whore whore whore whore whore

like a horny walrus choking on a smaller walrus his wilds crazy stuff Nekka104 Nick Ralston Ozzie Olin Patrick Herbst you asked in every class

what would happen if you stuck it in the lunar rover what was the answer Patrick Rachel Rayne Vargas Rianne Sarkovsky Sean Chase is the one who started the deadly rumor

that Huffing Space got you high spotty reception Supernaught had a theory that in zero gravity a fart could propel you forever still going as far as we know Ted H Thomas Kovatsos

Timmy Lehi overdosed on freeze dried ice cream and four of those in a lifetime you know Toasty God Tom Sikula Tommy G Wayland Russell Yasarian

Yannis Ionitis you were our best the live feed showed you weren't that way too Dr. Awkward all of your instructors said it was impossible to do a kickflip in space they said you'd never land it without gravity I guess

I guess the joke's on them because you're kick flipping forever now