The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 118, The Twisted Land of Oz with Merritt K

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

Brockway told Seanbaby and guest, Merritt K, two words: Todd McFarlane. And they still showed up! Let's talk about Todd McFarlane's Twisted Land of Oz toys and the, oh no, ten thousand word erotic fan fiction that came with them?

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I'm Darkness's BFF Robert Brockway and with me is community advocate of hell Sean baby. Hell what does it mean? What would you do if you were in hell and your best friend has to put his entire foot up your butt

in the twilight of the hunters moon. Hi I'm Dodd McFarland talking to Sean baby. Now before we continue I am going to If you had to choose a slow searing ride on Satan's carousel That's what I said. That's what I said.

Did your best friend got it on with your lover? What choice would you make? I'm Dodd McFarland creator of spawn. A crude scenario I've just painted possibly. Word for word I remember that exactly. From decades ago.

Merit of course like any reasonable person would not know I'm hoping about Dodd McFarland spawn intros and that's who we're talking with about Dodd McFarland today unfortunately and I'm very sorry about it. Hi Merit. Hi.

I love the RL Stein energy that he brought to those openings because I feel like it was around the same time as Goosebumps we would just be sitting in that chair under like a single swing light bulb. Oh no she knows all about it. Oh no we got the perfect person for this.

I feel like I saw a few episodes of spawn late at night Showtime or something when I was a kid and I was like who is this guy and why is he doing the Goosebumps thing? Hi I'm Dodd McFarland. What if you put a mask on and you couldn't take it off anymore? That's the topic of this week's terrifying tale.

My yogurt went bad days ago. Hi I'm Dodd McFarland. The one I played is my favorite one and it's so hard to choose because he did Dodd McFarland for the spawn for anybody that isn't familiar like us. For the spawn cartoon the first season only

they hired Dodd McFarland to do dark intros as the super serious horror author guy to pose his risqué questions about spawn. And they are aggressively unrelated to the cartoon. And he's the least threatening person in the world to do this.

They did other seasons of spawn you won't believe this. The other seasons did not have the Dodd intros. A mistake? Big mistake. That's why it's off the air. That was my favorite one was the one where he was like what would you do or would you rather burn in hell forever

or have someone else bang your wife? Hi I'm Dodd McFarland. I know which one I'd pick. I'm Dodd McFarland. I'm picking the wife one. He's great and that's what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about Dodd McFarland but more specifically

well first we're here to talk about Merritt and where other people can find her work on the internet. What are you at Merritt? Yeah. Wow. I'm like all over the place lately. I guess the main thing is

I have a book coming out later this year. It's called Land Party and it is a photo book it's like a coffee table book of photos of land parties It's such a good fucking idea. There it is. Yeah other people seem to think too

which I'm really excited about because it started as a really dumb tweet but a lot of likes Twitter dies. Enthusiasm and sadness and darkness I've seen some of the pictures on your Twitter feed

and I thought I could I want to look at this photo for like two hours but also never again. But never. Yeah it's like a Dodd McFarland intro, right? Would you rather look at this photo of four guys drinking that and do you playing burnt starcraft CDs forever or

would you rather have me bang my wife? Or bang my wife. I'm Dodd McFarland. Take my wife please. In a sexual manner. You got to the cucking too. Oh we all got there. Yeah that is if you search just like

Land Party, AmeriCade that should come up you can pre-order it now. We did a crowdfunding campaign for it last year and it hit at school and I think yeah I think you can just pre-order it from volume which is the publisher and other than that I'm on Twitter for now

who knows how long that's gonna last I think tonight we're on the eve of de-verification as we record this so I'm very excited to just be a normal person again. You know they're gonna fuck something up there. You know something's gonna go terribly wrong. I really hope they just delete all their old

verified accounts by accident it's gonna be free. It's gonna be hilarious. I am verified on Twitter but I've literally never had a conversation about it or had anyone mention it. I see it sometimes when someone will be like oh blue check mark blah blah blah

and that means something to that person but I've completely dodged whatever yeah I feel like people constructed this narrative where it meant something and it was like oh the blue checks they're lording it over us I don't know

it does nothing I mean it looks kind of cool for a while I guess but also was just such a made you a prime target for people just being like look at this blue check and it's like yeah no fair enough but starting tomorrow

it's gone baby. See I appreciated my blue check because the next most famous Robert Brockway is a hateful men's rights activist okay that's important for you so you're lording it over him yeah but you're gonna be no different

well every once in a while the internet will like Amazon or Goodreads will put the one terrible men's rights book is that I think might be about feet also it'll put it on my profile on my writer's profile and I'll have to jump through

no joke like 12 hours of hoops to try and get it removed so every once in a while yeah I get somebody coming on Twitter being like I used to like your shit until I found out how you feel about women's feet I have none I have no feelings

I think you're anti-woman but pro-feet if I'm talking to the right Robert Brockway that Robert Brockway has sort of a proposal for just keeping the feet part and just sort of moving away with the rest the government needs to provide us with lady feet yeah not the whole thing that would be crazy

but feet I feel like I've made it such a part of my brand everybody knows I'm all feet all lady hashtag redistribute the feet that's the Robert Brockway hahaha what a great start to the topic of the podcast

you know what we gotta do you're a destiny pro what we gotta do is complain about destiny damn it we can't complain about destiny that's the most engaging content that I've produced by far six guys are like whenever I tweet about destiny you're like yeah that's so true

and uh yeah I kind of ended up just doing it it's my day job but occasionally I'll like post one of my pieces that I've written that isn't just like here's how to maximize your range and stability on this scout rifle and people will be like yeah or

no you're an idiot you're one of those big shot destiny content creators that's ruining the game fucking blue check destiny creator blue checks I think you're so good well hey I haven't played all week because my favorite game of all time just got a little bit better with Resident Evil 4

so I've been trying to get through that yeah that's very exciting we also had a baby so that's kind of distracting oh also that probably would be part of it too it's a week because uh because it sucks right now well

those are all equally valid reasons I think I can't believe I cannot believe Sean wants to see the world burn so hard he's gonna try to slip destiny into another fucking people are like they're like god damn it will they shut the fuck up rightfully so

I mean when I talk about it I get bored so like okay okay well now you leave me no recourse but to move immediately on to Todd McFarlane yeah I mean my comparison I feel like that's better somehow I'm gonna call back to the destiny conversation seven times you won't be able to cut it out

fucking god damn I knew you were gonna do that I was still gonna cut that too I was like yes it's a neat little capsule nobody alright well I refuse to tell either of you what we were talking about today beyond something something Todd McFarlane uh so first of all

when I say Todd McFarlane uh Merit what do you think wow um okay so definitely the image of him like sitting in the chair and telling you about Satan's carousel is a big one um and his very

available wife and his wife and like how you know just into it she is and he and he does not he can be in the closet or whatever you have to see him be in the room um but uh and then I remember there was a game called spawn in the demon's hand that video game magazines

tried to like make be like oh that's a funny joke sounds like there's cum in his hand I guess I don't know um yeah video game exists two years yeah PC accelerator shit there yeah

um what were they thinking when they wrote this title were they on crack what I wish I wish I had been a game journalist in the 90s and 2000s because man um you could really just

you could really go for it and uh I was I fucking went for it all the time yeah I know I um yeah and they regret it to this day but uh and then also there were the toys obviously they were like everywhere in the 90s because I feel

like in my memory they were one of the first kind of like prestigey sort of toy lines it were for sure they were super detailed they took a lot of my work yeah it was like before like I guess there's a split sometime in the last 20 years

and I haven't really paid attention to a lot of this stuff but I have friends who are more into collecting stuff and there is the split at some point right between like the adult collector stuff that's actually made well and kids stuff which is made like garbage because kids just play minecraft now but in the 90s stuff was like sort of all middle ground

but then top McFarland comes along and is like it's like a part violator it's like this huge fucking demon man and it's gonna be played by the guy who plays Luigi your favorite kids when that comes out so that's very exciting and they were yeah they were like

I saw like TV commercials and stuff and I was like wow these are wild I have no idea what any of this is about but um but that's cool hell is involved so I'm on board basically you know I'm a kid in the 90s and I'm like hell yeah

that sounds great to me show me some demons and devils you know Todd so Todd McFarland's twisted world view and toys are what you think of was it called the twisted world of Todd McFarland? I'm sure I'm sure Sean what do you think when I say the words

Todd McFarland I mean definitely Satan's carousel I think of him Available wife uh huh Yeah absolutely the wife stuff um I sort of associate him with like uh over lined inking kind of like Rob Liefeld

but obviously he's more talented Rob Liefeld but sort of the same one note type of artistry like I did a lot of uh studies of Todd McFarland and a lot of artists of that era and uh once you've seen a Todd McFarland drawing you've kind of seen 70% of them

I guess Yeah he had one move Yeah but like people loved it and and of course the very expensive and meticulous toys for adult children dark mostly dark

I think of darkness when I think of Todd McFarland Very sneaky darkness Darkness and toys okay well if you don't know Todd McFarland I'll give you a brief recap now a comic book artist and writer I started in 1988 drawing the amazing spider-man

and he went on to create spawn for image comics which was so 90s Jesus Christ it was everything like a sheltered child who thought they were super cool in the 90s wanted out of life was spawn uh he that's because

probably because he actually created spawn when he was in high school and like just never matured beyond that point he was just like this is it uh it's the rest of my life right here on this page this guy and uh everything he created afterward something something plus spawn something

that already exists put through the spawn filter chain sentient chains blades tendrils fucking so many tendrils and uh he seems like he seems like a harmless dude and yet he's been sued

or has sued almost everybody he's worked with right uh fucking Neil Gaiman sued him Neil Gaiman seems like to make Neil Gaiman sue someone seems like a lot I don't know yeah you really gotta that's that guy doesn't like he seems like he's just got mono all the time

to get him riled up enough the American Neil Gaiman uh no he's the Canadian Neil Gaiman that's oh shit yeah you're right I am Todd McFarland hey I'm talking about Farland hey hey check out spawn hey welcome to hell hey

I'm allowed to say all this because I'm Canadian of course that's what you're the perfect guest for all of us today I'm allowed to do whatever the fuck I want because I'm American yeah like we were gonna hold back on the Canadian jokes

like like all the best types of men today Todd McFarland is mostly into elaborate toys and NFTs and he calls himself the Todd father uh sometimes referring to himself in the third person and that's

enough now that you have that background information uh that's enough to not feel bad for anything we say about him does he have children if he has children they should be Todd Poles for sure well they're probably not his uh he has three kids he has three kids

yeah by three different fathers that he wants to happen I mean he was he was involved yeah he was there listening from the next room is it counts it's part of the conception process this is getting so mean and we haven't

even started well that's what we're talking about uh exactly what you both said when you said Todd McFarland which is his twisted worldview and toys we are talking about Todd McFarland's twisted land of Oz toys the whole podcast is about Todd McFarland toys

yes it is what a rare treat for me Todd McFarland toy fan and now you see why I was so unwilling to tell you what this podcast was about because why would you show up for this right yeah

uh released in 2003 when the whole world was still like towards Todd McFarland uh it was definitely past his peak but he he could find work uh twisted land of Oz was was the Todd father's dark and there's no other word for it twisted take

on the Wizard of Oz and now I'm going to as opposed to the completely sane normal take on Wizard of Oz that everybody else has that are like let's make this much more normal that's what we do with this property now I'm going to send you

the first in this line of toys so there's not that many there's only like I think eight uh this is I'll email it to you because our chat doesn't show images so check your email in a second uh this is Todd McFarland's Dorothy let me know what you think

about that when you get it I'm expecting like an American McGee's actually yeah yeah let me know what you expect before you open that yeah that's sort of what I'm feel like it's like around the same time you said 2003 yes yeah actually a dungeon

Todd McFarland in the corner someone having sex with his wife uh a dog is there in a sweater that says Alice Sean you're you're actually very close okay must be a big file I still don't have it really all right

there it is there it is here we go let's see oh my god wow oh my god you were way closer than I thought you were he was so close what the fuck why is master blaster

except it's just two masters there's no blaster just a small guy another small guy master master this is going to take a team effort for you to describe this to me I wouldn't take this from you Merit I just I want to hear it

nobody's getting out of this clean I'm too horned out like it's just all I can think is boner it's so yeah it's a little guy riding on another little guy's back holding a leash

or rope I guess like a jute rope that is binding the arms of a mostly nude woman who is blindfolded and is wearing a corset and then a belt over her nipples

right keeping it honest the old nipple belt that's how ladies do it and what appear to be like platform combat boots with transparent souls transparent souls no one has ever

done this ever this is twisted Todd got me okay because no one has ever I've never seen combat boots with transparent souls that's such an extremely specific detail to put in this I want to add some details Merit left out the little

people riding each other they're both in sexual fetish gear like leather straps mostly nude like it's hard to tell I can't see their groins because they're very chubby the one on top is wearing blue I want to say

ankle high cowboy boots with spurs yeah little boots he's got a little riding crop that might be like a flower or something because they are very small people Alice has a key around her neck which is

Dorothy I'm sorry Dorothy American McGee's Alice is Dorothy like nothing like none of this is this could be literally anything this I mean Judy Garland would probably party like this but I mean absolutely

her character this just looks like an AI generated like someone was like two goblins yes that's what it looks like bondage girl it looks like a real indoor kids pervy AI generation

because also the background in this image is like the background for like a school portrait like it's like cloudy kind of like soft focus like contrast this is absolutely their senior photo

do you think we could do it as a group we've been so close through school what is going on Todd she's also I believe blindfolded with the belt riding with Agony with her combat boots and her frayed I've got it

okay like because I keep coming back to the boots but like I feel like the look typically with this kind of like aesthetic is like a thigh high boot or like a heel or something but it's just like Todd was like no no no that's

too obvious I'm going transparent sold combat yeah I mean put a goldfish you're transparent put a Game Boy color in there Todd like put a twisted goldfish in there put two twisted goldfish riding each other

oh my god so this is Dorothy from Todd McFarlane's Twisted Land of Oz dude this is fucking stupid to be clear I mean we're describing it I just want to be clear like there's no other way to put it it's stupid and it's deeply embarrassing how

horny and no other thing you are in there and like a fetish that like I'm sure some people have but it's also kind of like 50 shades of gray style like fetish where it's like real normal headed but like flirting with extreme I don't know

Sean baby lives inside Todd McFarlane's head there is copy for this toy I'm going to read it to you please feel free to interrupt me at any point when you need I just like a care break or just want to stop

the McFarlane barrage chapter one a girl named Dorothy this sucks Dorothy said as she studied herself in the full length mirror on the closet door in her bedroom I'm 18 freaking years old and if I want to go party

on a Friday night I'll go she fumed she pulled her long story I want everyone to know she's 18 years old she's 18 years old fine it's aged up listen everybody I'm Todd McFarlane she's 18 god you're just

on top of him she pulled her long straight black hair away from her face the fingers of her other hand languidly stroking her high cheekbones before falling away all her friends at school said she could be a model and Dorothy believed them oh my god she was tall

and wonderfully formed with waist length charcoal hair so black it reflected blue from the overhead light in the room okay I need to interrupt you name one characteristic you associate with Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz off the top of your head any more cocaine obviously

precocious physical characteristic physical short yeah short short pigtails I always think of that dress the very like not black hair right yeah but that's what makes her edgy hair so black it reflects blue

it's not even quite blue it's like not even this is not this is a completely different character but the darkness merit the red hairs aren't dark this could be snow white it would be so much it would make so much more sense they're little guys

they're little guys just like the guys he wanted to draw little sexual men abusing a fantasy and he didn't get to snow white right there Todd sorry please continue just like your wife Todd

I'd say please don't continue I'd say burn whatever you're holding yes Dorothy was beautiful but dot dot dot innocent her aunt and uncle with whom she had lived since childhood kept her focused and away from what they felt

were inappropriate influences so Dorothy carried a 4.0 average in high school but had never been on a real date she knew the boys looked at her in the hallways the admiration and hunger reflected in their eyes but she always turned away that didn't mean though that Dorothy didn't have

her own secret desires though her aunt and uncle did their best to keep her pure in 2003 that's an impossible ask okay so what Todd's doing here Todd's doing here is this old meme where this

woman is very very sexual and desirable but you're catching her on her first day of just a sexual rampage like she's a complete virgin but just absolutely good to go just waiting for the right Todd yeah it's amazing how

you didn't study Todd coming into this and let you have nailed him to the wall like a fucking butterfly you're just curing him and displaying him for future generations to enjoy he's probably a rock artist please tell me that's it see I flipped I want more

no we're almost done televisions, movies, pop culture the internet all were filled with frankly sexual energy and voluptuous Dorothy though innocent still was no prude but nothing had made Dorothy feel like she felt the day she

and a small group of friends walked giggling past a downtown specialty shop called Disciplinarians she'd grinned and averted her eyes with the rest the store called to her in places within herself she previously didn't know existed the following weekend telling auntie

and uncle she was going to visit a friend Dorothy scraped up all her available cash saved from her allowance and babysitting gigs and took the bus back to the city she stood in front of Disciplinarians for several minutes feeling the blood drain from her hands and feet and her stomach not

god they're writing so bad when she could take it no longer when it was fight or flee she opened the door and stepped inside a new universe hold on she's just like at the adult toy store and she's like fight or flee is kicking and she's like oh I gotta get that

titty belt no you mustn't you must run into the streets I hope it's fight I hope she wrenches it open and just fight or flight bitches she just fucking starts decking titty belts or die the disparate

but somehow synergistic smells of leather and rubber I hate you so much Todd assaulted her nose as she turned trying desperately to take it all in the racks of instruments and clothing and other things she didn't recognize she did however recognize

that falling sensation in the center of her being the sensation that felt like home and then she saw it and everything around her gelled into hard focus a burgundy leather corset hanging by itself in a store chock full of competing products it was as if some unknown

being had shined a spotlight on the corset Dorothy didn't remember walking toward it grabbing it or taking it to the register and paying the multi pierced and branded young woman behind the counter she barely remembered reboarding the bus to return to the

quiet suburbs of Wichita but she remembered touching that leather for the first time and the shock that traveled down her spine so to be clear this is an 8000 word origin story for her underpants last line

in the counter other than that most people kept to themselves it was kind of just a weird store where you buy dildos Dorothy said I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore no I'm making that up the last line is in the journey ahead

Dorothy would never forget that feeling and that's uh where did the goblins come in well I'm glad you asked you will remember at the start of this I said chapter one no oh my god how long is the back

this is an action figure come attached to a novel yes it does and that's what we're doing here today wait is I'm gonna send you oh no chapter 2 is gonna be like the scarecrow

and he's gonna be like all fucked up god you know him so well chapter 2 I've already in Todd's twisted mind palace you're in his twisted world of Todd McFarland and you're never gonna find your way out cause baby it's too twisted it's too twisted up in here

I just sent you figure number 2 before it gets to you would you like to guess you're in your spine at this point I wish god I wish we were talking about Spawn and Al Simmons and his whole fucking deal I remember I was making books about Todd's boy I remember how fun that was

that was so much fun I wish we could get back to that place we can't we can't it's gone and much like Kansas it's gone and we're in Todd's twisted land of Oz now anybody have a guess before you find the the image I mean Dorothy meets the scarecrow first

in although it could be it could be a witch we're gonna say a super fit man shag carpet cod piece just veiny as all shit oh my god

I think may or might have got it first oh god I've seen it oh it's I gotta be honest Todd kind of you kind of backed off on the horniness kind of took the coward's way out here because what we're dealing with

is well yeah the coward's way out is appropriate because this is the cowardly lion and he's just a kind of a buff scary looking lion but I wouldn't call him like horny in any way no

he's very well like covered he has like kind of a tabard situation going on um he just looks like a threatening lion man he is carrying his own intestines I'll give him that oh yeah wow okay yeah I sort of missed that

why is that part of it I think he's just very battle damaged he's got a spear in his back or a harpoon and a sword also zombie yeah he's a zombie he's missing some skin his arms are almost completely gone they're just like mangled down

this is gonna be like a whole thing and then Todd was like no this guy's just a zombie he's not part of that whole scene yeah we're doing something different now okay so let's read chapter two new skin that comes

with the lion he was outside the store he saw a corset calling to him though his entrails were falling out of the hole he had to have it no no well what actually goes is

as young Dorothy as young Dorothy admired herself in the bedroom mirror on another lonesome Friday night she reached into her sweater drawer and withdrew her treasure as she held it in front of herself her bull terrier Toto nose into her room and stared at her

tail wagging and tongue hanging out oh Toto she exclaimed you scared me beautiful she turned her attention back to the mirror examining the cut of the corset she longed to feel the leather against her bare flesh she tiptoed out of her bedroom

and peered furtively over the railing and down the stairs auntie and uncle were watching Network TV Network TV on a Friday night that's how that happens step by step they're enjoying the hit shows step by step

2008 the opposite of horny can you believe it they didn't even have the gumption to get cable shaking her head this is all talk shaking her head the gumption to get cable was Todd McFarlane not you

it's exactly when we read that section again auntie and uncle were watching Network TV Network TV on a Friday night they didn't even have the gumption to get cable shaking her head she strolled back so she shakes her head at their lack of cable gumption

you fucking squares watching king of queens you know how to party not like me doing horny shit by yourself in a room in front of a dog God can I tell you how worried I was when that dog showed up I was just like Todd there's no Todd please Todd

chapter two's not over shaking her head she strolled back into her room locked the door behind her and drew the curtains as Toto slept on her twin bed Dorothy stripped off her ankle length skirt sweater and department store under that's such a bold choice I mentioned the dog twice during this very

sexual moment she stripped off her ankle length skirt sweater and department store undergarments that's a weird detail that's Todd's thing target panties that has the same energy as like a guy in his 60's saying like

co-eds ooh a co-ed dog she took off her female panties she took off her Walmart briefs department store brand underwear is like those paintings of

women who are carrying groceries with like a baguette and like green sticky paper bag and their underwear falls off like that's the same energy Dorothy stood naked her voluptuous untouched body nearly steaming in the cool air of her bedroom untouched

like he had to bring that up he just had to bring it up now let's say I know what you're thinking she's been around the block or two no no no no pristine no HPV I checked

I got McFarland nobody's hardly even listened to her getting railed it's amazing as she wraps the corset around her another shock even more intense than the first one she experienced in the store traveled sinuously down her spine into her core

she shivered as she cinched the corset tight around her midsection she stared down at her she was not expecting that I am Todd McFarland scarier than you could ever imagine she stared down at herself feeling the leather against her skin

trying to find the courage to look across the room and into the mirror one two three she mumbled to herself jerking her head up on three wow she gasped stunned Dorothy was ravishing as she stepped toward the mirror she felt a small tremor in the house

and then nothing the cut of the corset was fantastic its edges cupping her breasts so tight it cut grooves into her flesh making her already small waist even tinier and accentuating her hips

she smiled a secret smile a secret smile a secret smile all alone in her room for herself she hid it even from the dog who's still there watching who's into it who you know is into it I am Todd McFarland

I am the dog I am the dog in this story when she did the quick turn I really thought that he was going to describe how her boobs had to catch up to her wobbled past her as she stopped and had to settle into place I was like here it comes

here comes the boob wobble her edges cupping her breasts a couple lines I guess that's a down step I would have liked to have known whether or not someone had touched them is all Todd maybe next time tell us if someone's had their hands on those boobs

her mint and packaged breasts that's how Todd would understand it I just got Todd off I'm so sorry I wish I could pull it even tighter she began just as a massive shock hit the house knocking Dorothy to the floor where Toto fell beside her howling

what the hell? she heard her uncle roar she imagined him catapulting off his recliner the customary Budweiser he held in his crotch splashing over the fake velour of his recliner she was still trying to struggle to her feet when the final blast struck

and everything went black god damn that normie piece of shit her uncle and that's the end of the the package copy on the cowardly lion oh my god nothing to do with the lion was that him crashing in

was that him like breaking into the house he's like I smell corset I will pierce the membrane between dimensions to get to that sweet untouched titty me oh god okay wow that was a garden path

sentence oh god what fresh horrors at this point are there oh okay well we're going to continue on with the chapter 3 on road less traveled I'm becoming

because of this Todd content from 20 years ago I think I'm becoming like anti like sex now well that's the right reaction on twitter who is like I didn't consent to any of this to Todd spinning out his whole thing

I've been anti sex since I saw Dorothy I will never fuck again mark my words and now okay so we're going to skim a little bit I'm not so cruel as to make you read this entire thing across all the toy line packages

because it is 10,000 words long are we sure that he wrote it this this smells like Todd like I don't think Todd about it this this reeks of a guy of a comic book guy

who came up in the 80s and really wants to be part of the bondage scene but like it has to go to fucking encyclopedia of Britannica to look up bondage like somebody let me in I want to do this but I don't know what it is

is it a Chinese finger trap at the start is it corset I think it's corset that's the hardest thing Todd came up with was wearing a corset I love the the contempt for the uncle how he's like they're watching network TV and he's got his

like stupid Budweiser and his fake velour and it's like that feels funny it feels like a fake contempt like he's like what do kids do oh they hate their parents they hate like normal shit I'm betting this is Todd's

self insert I'm betting all of this was like this is how Todd punishes himself he's sitting there on his velour recliner watching fucking step-by-step with his Budweiser and it's like god I'm such a piece of shit I wish some beautiful young girl would hate me

I used to wear leather jackets watch my wife just go to town on fellas he's going to sue us rightfully so we keep saying we're the last comedy website it's been a dare he sued the guy who he named Spawn after

he did okay apparently he sued Al Simmons who is the guy who he got the name for spawn from because Al Simmons released a book called the art of being spawn in which he suggested that his own life was the inspiration for the spawn character

because I guess the real Al Simmons died and went to hell and then Malibu was like hey do you want to like go back and be my warrior or whatever and he was like yeah bet wow like what he was such good friends with the guy he named the character after

him and apparently may have based some of the backstory of Al Simmons on the guy but then the he sued them not for lying about or diminishing the brand of spawn but because it was the breach of a non-disclosure contract he made Al Simmons sign incredible

so he could never tell anybody that he was secretly spawned oh the fucking Todd father everybody he went to us for like describing the likeness of his toys which we don't own I bet that's what the lawsuit will be

it's interesting to ponder what's the next one okay so they hear him like start skimming a little because here's the craziest part of the entire thing Dorothy wakes up in Oz right and I'm what do you think Todd McFarlane's Oz is like

like American McGee's Alice plus nothing kind of like Tim Burton but like without the charm yeah just like I bet there's like little guys with like like riding each other around

and um yeah I yeah those are probably the munchkins for sure the little sex finish forms yeah that makes sense okay yeah um and then there's like all kinds of like fucked up characters

oh they're so wild it's like the ones you know but like they're bleeding it's like wow can you imagine if someone like did like a twisted version of Wizard of Oz that's what it would be like it's probably like a real fuckable milk machine no

no and no uh it's exactly the Wizard of Oz but with all of the interesting parts removed okay perfect so Dorothy wakes up in Oz to be clear that means the mechanic was not a tornado here it was

a magical corset that was drawn sweet Jesus Dorothy said as she began to comprehend her situation very clearly Dorothy was no longer in Kansas do you like his reinterpretation of that very clearly if she does

if she takes her corset off would she transport back into our world because that's pretty cool how like variations of nudity or how she like jumps through dimensions to mention Dorothy the dimensional stripper uh that seems beyond that seems too hard

core for Todd uh the last thing Dorothy remembered was standing naked but for her glorious corset god damn it she looked down on herself and was immediately relieved to see to see she was again though mysteriously fully clothed

sensing a comforting constriction around her midsection Dorothy touched her stomach and gasped the rich leather corset was still attached though hidden beneath her sweater trapped in a strange new world unsure of where to go or what to do the corset exerted its power calming Dorothy

and then so it's the course of the metaphor for her trapped in a strange world covered by a sweater I think it's a metaphor for Todd horny Todd not know how to express that makes sense

he's expressing his horniness I don't think there's any mistake there but but not in a use usable direction for anybody I feel like including Todd like this reads like frustrated I'm trying to get off and I can't figure out what

what do I want what is this God this is so fucking weird I'm really glad you're doing this podcast and then a voice from the growling dusk beautiful turn of phrase the growling dusk

hello is anyone out there came a voice in what Dorothy recognized as a clipped British accent a fierce growl ripped from Toto's throat and she froze in a sudden premonition of coming horror but it was too late coming horror at the clipped British accent

that said hello is anyone out there I don't know what to say to this it's so bad in too many directions what is the toy we are getting to your next toy

it's also way too wordy for like copy on an action figure like this could have 80% of this could have been cut it doesn't even tell me what Dorothy's energy projection statistic is I need to know this stuff right very good point

this is where you should know what these toys can do and apparently it's not come when I was a kid you could get a He-Man toy and He-Man would come with a little little baby comic book and it is probably like less words than this by far and you'd have a whole adventure

like He-Man would meet his friends He-Man would get caught by Skeletor and then he'd have to stand under this big skull while some kind of slime drip down on him and that's totally different from what Todd is trying to do here it's much more erotic for one thing

yeah it's pretty hot I was gonna say maybe there's something to that this evokes nothing too no part of my imagination is activated other than of course this you could do it with the MRI of my brain and none of it would be glowing whereas a He-Man comic book you're like

this gives me a lot of great ideas for He-Man adventures I don't know what I'm supposed to do with these Dorothy toys I know what Todd wants me to do with them but oh come on Todd Todd you could have made okay hold on it's Todd McFarland Scarecrow

I gotta pull my left top up to my face because I can't even tell what's happening in this picture he's just a zombie zombie Scarecrow with a scythe and is that a gun

or just a pile of sticks oh it's like a T-bar I think it's his post as we can see Todd Todd is already out of ideas his one idea was horny corset right

he started rewriting the land of Oz with one difference horny corset and he got no other places yeah so this Scarecrow he's just all fucked up it looks like a very haphazardly made Scarecrow came to life he's got like

a hat stuck to his stick one of his legs doesn't have his pant leg left and it's just like 50 sticks tied together all messed up he's got two crows on him which is ironic I guess because he's a scary man this is

no no go ahead I was just going to say right now I'm doing an experiment I went to a website called drill34.xxx and searched Scarecrow and over 300 results came up

people have done this Todd got to Scarecrow and was like I can't make this Scarecrow horny I can't do that it's like a straw man well to be fair to Todd though a lot of these just do appear to be naked anime girls

and I don't know how those are Scarecrow's but but like he gave up so quick you know he's only interested in the one thing you can tell you can tell especially because the cowardly lion's entire package

was still devoted to Dorothy not quite jacking off in a corset instead of any look Todd I've been on the internet I've seen like jacked lions with like huge dicks they were right there

there's a lot of them if you just go and search for that so like you could have done something like that but you were too cowardly all there it is it's a metaphor just like the corset Todd putting himself in there Scarecrow's real first draft

this is like if you asked a very talented artist make me an edgy Scarecrow and they just had 20 minutes it's a party city decoration it's absolutely nothing this is where so you would expect Todd to at least do his one thing

which is twisted version of the Land of Oz which is the title of the toys but no he does just exactly the Wizard of Oz from here on out the three shapes one skinny one medium sized and one large moved forward far enough for Dorothy and Toto

to see them more clearly Dorothy gasped and Toto growled again at what stood before them it was like something from a fairy tale a massive lion cowered toward the rear his yellowish eyes turned toward the ground a pile of scrap metal that vaguely resembled a medieval suit of armor with friendly blue eyes

and a pile of strong sticks that gazed at her curiously with its small head cocked sideways I want to make a comment that it is something like a fairy tale is a pretty dumb thing to say when the things are like from a fairy tale like and we know the fairy tale they're from it's a real ready player

to line is my point totally it's like something from a video game yeah you listen reader reader that it's just like last starfighter if you've seen last starfighter I'm done describing it because it's like that okay moving on

you might notice that none of these are described as their twisted selves they're just exactly wizard of Oz but less Dorothy looked at the strange trio and rubbed her corset she waited to see their intentions they moved closer the scrap pile coming close to Dorothy

he won't he won't ever the scrap pile coming closest and attempting to kneel slowly his rusty joints fighting against him in a squeal of tortured metal there's Todd trying to get horny again he looked at her kindly and spoken soothing British tones again my name is

Nicky Chops I didn't make that up my name is Nicky Chops my dear and these are my friends Lion and Scarecrow some folks call me the Tin Woodman and that's fine too who about you be oh god wait why is he Nicky Chops

why is he Nicky Chops that was uh the drummer for poison I don't know I don't know enough about poison to to dispute that wait did Todd just why did Todd make up a name for the Tin Man

but not what yeah why the other two the other two were just Scarecrow and he's immediately like oh but you could just call me the Tin is this like his friend who's like hey I'll put I'll put your name in here don't worry I'm gonna put you in an action figure

I will fucking sue you if you tell anybody maybe we can come to some sort of agreement you know what that is she's ready she's waiting Dorothy says my name is Dorothy Wintower

and this is my dog Toto she replied I don't think her name was Dorothy Wintower it doesn't sound right I can't dispute it and don't care too it's gonna be Nicky Chopped as they traveled along

the winding road toward Emerald City the five got to know each other quite well in the end it wouldn't be well enough but they had a delightful journey nonetheless oh my god the yada yada the adventure the yada yada the adventure there are

a few more things to the course that introducing the characters you already knew from watching The Wizard of Oz and then one sentence for the adventure there are actually pages and pages and more paragraphs I've read everyone a couple of times to prepare for this

literally nothing happens they just walk down the road and they describe walking down the road they see some trees they look at a waterfall nothing nothing weird about it it kind of looks like a jungle this land of Oz and you know the yellow brick road it's not you know yellow yellow it's just kind of a yellowish color

and they go lions tigers and bears oh fuck because it's edgy no it's exactly it's completely tame with the entire adventure removed they literally from this point forward walk straight down the yellow brick road

and hit the emerald city which is where we come back up they hit the emerald city they meet the gates the gates are guarded by the flying monkeys and a midget of his words not mine I guess that's the twisted part I hate to bring it up

but I'm going to mention the corset again does that ever come back she does let me pull a line here my god Dorothy mumbled unconsciously rubbing the corset she turned to the scarecrow is that emerald city that's that's what's happening

no no there are more appearances but it's just her rubbing the corset all the time it's like a security blanket so is this Todd just wanting to get lost still don't worry they go on adventure whatever happens and then they get to the emerald city and now she gets really

fucking weird is that how this plays out it seems like it's Wizard of Oz with like a like a naughty secret a 2 out of 10 naughty secret she's got like some fancy underwear on under there fucking Todd McFarlane can't hide his ass from you guys

you're getting everything 100% right like okay like you show me this picture of like Dorothy as like a beady as some goblin and then it's like okay

so I guess she goes to Oz but it's like oh everyone there is like hellraiser or something and it's like no no no no it's just the Wizard of Oz but she does happen to be wearing a corset underneath her clothes

how do you mate this isn't someone's fan fiction that they just put up on their site in 2003 this was a line of products that was sold in stores that you could buy with money Todd McFarlane was like golden I guess this was

2003 too this is like pink I guess nobody wanted to tell him no at this point and nobody wanted to edit or he would sue them if they tried to edit his genius I just I don't understand any of this Dorothy does find I'll read you this short section

we're coming to towards the end here the road had become less yellowish and even more brown as it was covered by dirt and debris suddenly Toto leapt forward and dashed toward a small bundle barely visible along the side of the road Dorothy followed him and saw what appeared to be a pair of silver boots just lying there

in the dust as she looked closer she glimpsed the letters D-O-R scratched into the earth before trailing off into the unintelligible it was as if someone or something had left the silver boots for her to find or perhaps Toto had accidentally

scratched something in the ground that she was misinterpreting what? I love when you react the same this is just fucking nothing so someone so instead of Ruby Slipper she gets silver boots because she's going to her 1995 rave and like

she doesn't know if someone left him for her if the dog suddenly learned how to spell the first three letters of her name the dog learned shitty English yeah she just missed that Toto probably did that I mean it's weird I love how like the there's not even the

an edgy element to the characters too they're like hi we're super friendly guys just like the other Wizard of Oz people it's not like you know I'm a chain smoking lion or whatever I don't know and I'm a really horny tin man right

they call me Ricky chops I'll split you right in half oh this is gold that poor Todd McFarley would never be capable of somewhere if he is listening to this in preparation for a lawsuit he's like god damn it god damn it

so like the witches just aren't involved the witches are not in this actually nothing is in this except for what you've already seen and the flying monkeys and the emerald city and the wizard himself

they go directly she she transports to Oz based on her magical corset continues to fill it up the entire time while the exact same plot of Wizard of Oz happens but much much less and tamer and then she gets to here

now if you guessed that Todd really comes to life when it's time to describe a girl's boots okay we're correct see I want to stop you here I feel like if this was a transition no I've got to stop you because I feel like I even know for Todd

if she landed here and obviously this is her first day as like a goth like BDSM girl whatever she is if this journey was her transition into like a full scene stir like she got like some nipple rings along the way or like some tattered fishnets

and like just kind of put her outfit together along the way I feel like that's like something I don't know maybe the only thing that's special about this story is that she is perving out over this corset and other than that it's just a pretty by the numbers Wizard

of Oz reimagining and so I feel like that's I guess my note for Todd is that maybe maybe she could find herself and find her new personality on this journey maybe after you spend I'm gonna assume hundreds of thousands of dollars making molds for these very elaborate toys

you could do something aside from right about how you're horny for corsets and 18 year olds and their feet and then no other things tell us about the boots regardless the boots were dot dot dot incredible vaguely resembling

the combat sold eight eye lace ups that had been in style some years previously these boots had massive souls and straps instead of laces but the color Dorothy thought to herself was unlike anything she'd ever seen it was dazzling as if some alchemist had turned the sun silver

and captured its essence on leather she bent picked the boots up and felt a pleasant jolt of energy run up her arms she held the right boot against her right foot and it appeared to be the correct size inside of her left boot she felt a rattle and pulled out a key on a chain she picked the boots up perhaps deep inside her recognizing

for the talismans they were she joined the rest of the group oh my god this sucks it would be less bad if it were like if it would be less bad if it were just straight up more horny

and I don't even know why but like if they was just like oh she found some stiletto heels and put them on somehow that would be less bad because I could at least like comprehend that like it would make more sense to me I'm telling you poor Todd didn't know

how to be horny like he he discovered the start of it and he was like I have to put this down and the people would have to know is there some kind of natural conclusion that this builds to I don't know I'm Todd McFarland no one taught me how sex works did you know 18 year old girls

and that's as far as I've gotten but did you know the chains I know there's I know chains that's my thing I did that so chains maybe wax something I don't know of course it's no other high schoolers idea of a

how is spawn like the way I remember spawn that had more like BDSM imagery in it than this does or like more coherent aesthetic you know so he's sprawled all of this

across his entire toyline I'm sending you the tin woodmint now come on fuckable milking machine that would be something have you been conditioned to expect something from Todd McFarland so far

it's just going to be like a beat up woodsman it's just going to be like kind of rusty shitty robot zombie yep you got his ass absolutely a shitty robot zombie this sucks this is a full jump bot

I think it's got like a human brain it looks kind of like it does an exposed human brain he's got like asymmetrical legs and arms he kind of looks like Lord Zed from Power Rangers because of the brain

can we agree he's nothing he's nothing doesn't even look like Todd made this it just looks like Todd's stuff like at least say what you will about his typical work but it has an aesthetic to it

this is just nothing it's almost like he submitted that drawing of Dorothy to the toy designers and they were like what the fuck is this it's the wizard of Oz look here's the other things

and this fucking thing walked up to with a chipper British accent this pile of junk like assembled to look like it's kind of like a hockey mask face I'm Nicky Chops hello I'm Nicky Chops look at me brain

look at me brain and me claw arm I've got a claw for me right hand do anything other than fight this thing yeah where's the fight-or-flight now Dorothy it's reserved exclusively for Dilda walks into the Dilda starting to like

Jesus I'm gonna have to throw down and then sees the brain like cyborg junk robot and is like sure man yeah alright yeah okay Nicky Chops I'll hang out

condition only to fight dicks like if you got near this thing you'd get tetanus like he's just covered in rusty jagged metal yeah alright so they get to the Emerald City who built it

that's what I want to know what fucking monster built this thing and said yes this and I named the Nicky Chops what have you done why have you made me oh that's alright let me tune your charming British accent oh hello hello I want to die

I did life is agony it's got tubes and shit coming out of him this thing runs on fluids it's just a nightmare powered by children suffering

alright so they get to the Emerald City this is all in the back of the Tim Woodman toy they get to the Emerald City they almost have a confrontation with the flying monkeys who guard it but then they don't and they are let inside it's so important to keep those stakes and conflict low in fiction because

otherwise your readers gonna be interested yeah they just almost get into a disagreement with them and then Dorothy finds that key from the boots and is like hey is this something they're like oh yeah go in that's almost word for word maybe the DOR was for door like a door you open

door key the dog just can't spell fucking dipshit go hang out with your uncle and watch network TV fucking moron sheep but you're fucking TGIF right Toto disgust me God ordinary fucking people Norway has to go out

so they show it into the wizard skyscraper they go up while Dorothy rubs the corset the entire time the entire elevator ride that's important and here's Todd McFarlane's Toto let's

let me get Toto sent to you guys how about some guesses well they said bull terrier so I bet it's just like a real tough looking like pit fighting dog with like a massive hog dog would have to

come with like I'm thinking of like the logic of action figures and like if it's just like a dog size dog it would have to like come with something or it's some kind of mutant it's been mutated as a mutant dog god damn it you're so good at this game it's not a game but you're so good at it

you're winning it couldn't just be a little dog because that would be like an accessory it probably wouldn't be posable it's got to be like you know like an earthworm gym and like his dog friend got all fucked up and mad and like turned into like a big monster and no one remembers this but me too

that's the way he looks like fucking Todd's total ass you haven't mounted above your fireplace did you get the real one let me see this oh my god what the fuck 100 every single word you said

nothing but correct I feel like this is a flesh demon this is total this looks like a frog monster yeah it's a frog someone's riding this through boss Isley it's almost exactly it's got a little writer

that it just has nothing to do with anything because again people wouldn't buy just the dog it's almost exactly earthworm gyms dog but hellraiser version yeah that little guy on the back is a perfect Todd McFarland toy where it's just like kind of a skinny guy

but just like a million little lines like a thousand so vascular and super veiny and wait I don't think he has legs he's like mounted he's just like a torso riding this dog is this like a frog dog centaur

I think that's what we're looking at but he has a little saddle so it could be a corset that's true he's connected his flesh is fused but then he's got this little sexy corset oh yeah this sucks

the dog has like the clockwork orange eye things but on its mouth you know to keep its mouth open for some reason gotta keep that mouth open so that it can't fully close it which is the big threat of the dog

it also feels like his head is sort of in Kai's power goode like pulled back and then kind of like bundled yeah it's like it has flesh braids

someone pulled its loose skin up into like pigtails it is a hundred percent like late 90's stoner kids doodle right yeah but you would get in trouble and be sent to the vice principal's office

or the nurse's office for counseling Theodore McFarlane what are you doing drawing in your math notebook and why are you in this class you're 40 years old probably why are you rock hard is this what does the mouth thing on the dog

oh is that what that's for really okay so that's Toto what comes with Toto is a lot of portiness again now that Dorothy has met the wizard I'm gonna skim through this because it's rough the portion

just a quick description of the wizard the portions of the wizard's skin that were visible appeared rutted and creased like dried hamburger left in the sun physically he was revolting but he had a presence a strange magnetism everyone in the room could feel

he strode across the room to stand directly in front of Dorothy she looked at him cringing at his physical appearance but strangely attracted to his omittable presence Dorothy swallowed rapidly unsure how to react to the wizard's dot dot dot proximity

she worked enough saliva into her mouth to speak I don't know how I ended up in this land but Toto and I came here to request your help in returning to our home in Kansas her speech sounded oddly formal but it seemed right I thought the urn was just spit in his mouth

just spit in his dirty mouth in his dry dry wrinkled old mouth the wizard reached out casually and touched Dorothy's midsection causing a ripple to course through her body she shivered uncontrollably I've been awaiting your arrival dear girl awaiting you for years

he said his voice growing more hoarse years that's what every woman wants to hear I've been horny for so long she says I don't even know if it's going to work anymore oh you're probably going to squirt dust I'm going to fill you with dust

dried hamburger dust baby it's all I got to offer the entire world seemed to dilate to a pin point for Dorothy 18 years of life had brought her to this time to this place to this man for want of a better term really emphasized that she's 18 again

nothing else existed in this time and place not the tin woodman not the lion not the scarecrow not even Toto who she loved dearly just the wizard and Dorothy and the power that was brewing between them and the four people watching who I just met

which is Todd's thing the wizard leaned in even closer any closer and he'd be inside her skin remove your top he said quietly no yes no you made that up

remove your top he said quietly whoa whoa whoa what Dorothy stammered I said remove your top the wizard said again is this on the back of this fucking melted face dog toy

yes it is yes it is what hold on I'm not even done with the sentence I said remove your top the wizard said again your true power Dorothy lies beneath

finally the corset reveals its true power she pulled her top over her head in one motion and dropped it forgotten at her feet she bared herself proudly to the wizard the rich leather of her corset gleaming in the low light very good the wizard said and backed away instead today is a magical day

in the emerald city a day that will be spoken about in hushed tones until the sun no longer rises this is the day that lady took off her shirt everyone rejoice that's what happened literally that's all that happened is she took off her shirt and he turned to the room and said today is a magical

day in the emerald city having a parade I haven't seen full tiddies but there's a good it's like 60 55% of them I can see a day that will spoken about in hushed tones until the sun no longer rises Oz is a magical land and that power is concentrated

in me an earth creature now the moment I've awaited as it is at hand another earth creature has come to join me here and I welcome Oz is a land of granted wishes but you see the wishes granted aren't always the ones asked you may not be granted what you wish for

but you always get what you deserve so she changed into a corset after all that build up and it's like yeah that's the fucking climax and the denouement it's fucking hooray now he says the silver boots are talismans

where only you would find them which again is the side of the road they even mentioned that there were talismans earlier so that's not even a shock now to put them on or not the decision is solely yours and there will be no going back once your decision has been made he gave her a minute

and as is the fallacy of the human condition thanks for waxing on that Todd you're qualified the largest the largest decisions often receive the least amount of thought Dorothy felt the heat from her corset okay and stared into the wizards bug-like green eyes feeling his power

his dominion she never hesitated her sensible walking shoes it has been 150 words Todd she hesitated Toto moved toward her whining quietly he put his paw on her arm

perhaps to stop her but Dorothy shrugged him off she grasped the thick sold silver boots and began putting them on all hell broke loose what the fuck that was what came with Toto I'm not even going to send you the wizard toy because it's some real basic ass shit

I think he was trying to let Neil Gaiman sue him back because it's just dream of the endless with the little dressed kind of formally it's not even his idea and it's nothing now Dorothy was really attracted to him

unconventionally how about you since you're not going to show us you just got to tell us on a scale of 1 to 10 how erotic did you find it to be like if he looked like dried hamburger I'd say that brings him down a peg to like a 7

okay okay but he really wears the hell out of that that fucking frock coat and mask so if he told you to remove your top you would do it? no I wouldn't do it but I would be flattered okay and if he told you to put on

these silver talisman boots of 90s rave would you do it? yeah I'd feed him my feet for sure okay excellent let him eat them feet sorry Merit hi it's nice to meet you wait

wait Todd was apparently going to make a Wizard of Oz movie at one point it was this this was going to be a movie yeah he got I believe it got options I believe he got paid for it

Dakota Fanning was supposed to play Dorothy possibly for it it was really going to happen this was that movie this was what they sold to the people making that movie this is less than half an idea and the one idea is

I'm horny for 18 year old girls I cannot believe how little there is here you had the most normal headed people in the world sit down and said hey we're going to brainstorm an edgy Wizard of Oz 10 minutes later you would have more than this not just better

but more absolutely better if nothing else because there's 800 things in the Wizard of Oz that are not in this and here she flashes in on the yellow rick road nothing happens she meets immediately the three people she needs to walk straight to the city

and gets horny for the Wizard and then takes off her shirt not all the way just to her corset which is the main character of the story I guess well you're forgetting about the foot thing Todd's discovering the foot thing because the next one that comes with the Wizard

this is the back of the Wizard you see it was the boots in combination with the corset that brought forth her power Dorothy and her inner unspoken needs was the source of the power the boots in corset were the conduit the Wizard was the director remember the magical power of Oz

is discretionary it can be harnessed as the Wizard did but the magical nature cannot be changed and that nature can be cruel to those born into cruelness and debauchery you always get what you deserve what? so what happens next

is that it? this is the last bit a little home stretch here such was the case with the Oz McPower coursing through Dorothy channeled by the talented hands of the Wizard the ugly core of all those in the great ballroom was brought kicking and screaming to the surface

let's skip to the lion a meat creature coming to the emerald city in search of courage became what he had been in a previous existence outside of Oz a mercenary crusader who abandoned his brothers in the heat of battle fierce though he may look the lion now is forced to wear a permanent mark of shame

the enemy's weapons that pierced his entrails in his hand he will exist in excruciating pain for the remainder of his mortal life fuck no foreshadowing at all that's sort of like this guy used to be a mercenary and he died

and became a lion in Oz and now because Dorothy was 20 for the old man he is going to just be an acne forever I can't believe what you said is exactly 100% correct that's fucking Todd?

this is the toy the description of his backstory which I guess could have been on the back the lion's package right here is in the very last part of the story it gets one paragraph if it was just that

on the back of the toy I would think that's not necessarily cool but like something I'd be like oh something I guess not for me but like it's bumped to the last page of a 10,000 word novelette about

really wanting to be Dorothy if she was an 18 year old girl on a corset and no other things like at least his entire story takes place off screen of this I don't know but they all do let's do

the Scarecrow the Scarecrow the gentleman coming to the Emerald City in search of a brain became what he had been in a previous existence outside Oz it's great that there were previous existences that have nothing to do with this story what he had been an inquisitor who visited torture

upon help his hapless victims for his government the Scarecrow specialty was a barbaric form of craniectomy while the patient was still conscious before finishing them with his rusty scythe but but it's useless now his rotting body

held together with twine stick straw and prayers doesn't he doesn't have the strength to wield it in suitably grim irony the contents of his skull are being liquefied by an ancient lobotomy contraption while a pair of undead crows picks at his remaining flesh stupid

so he's like okay so he needs a brain in his previous life he took brains he would chop up brains I'm Todd McFarland I heard the word brain and kind of had an idea not a whole idea but like almost ironic

since we're talking about brains and I'm a a grim scenario I came up with probably I'm Todd McFarland all right this in woodman the tin woodman the kindly if rusty hunk of metal coming to emerald city in search of a heart became what he had been

in a previous existence outside Oz a sickly doctor who removed the limbs of healthy patients with an axe in a desperate attempt to rebuild his own failing body something like a doctor frankenstein crossed with an old world cyborg the tin woodman will be forced

to spend eternity moving limbs made of junk parts and scrap metal he still has his trusted axe though his limbs are too stiff and rusty to properly utilize it all right so people go to the doctor they're like hi I have some polio because it's old timey days or whatever and he's like well okay

I have an axe they're like wait wait wait and he chops their arms off and then they go home they're like I hated that and they tell everybody yeah that doctor chopped my fucking arms off don't go to that doctor like ah fuck you we're gonna go to that doctor I don't know these like ironic punishments

for character like an ironic punishment only really works when you've sort of set up uh-huh that like why it's ironic when you're like oh and he can't swing his axe anymore and did you know that in a previous life

he used to swing his axe at people all the time right like but not yes like you know they were nice guys for a few hours right they got the order wrong you know Todd McFarlane sent these pages as he wrote them to the 18 year old goth girl

at the toy company and when she started to say it was harassment he was like you haven't even seen the last page which makes it all make sense it's all like you'll be really ashamed of your words and deeds when you find out the reason why Dorothy has to wear the corset

it's because she has a virus where she can't speak English uh oh wait no that's Hideo Kojima never mind but this is very uh Toto was a sad tale a loving pet dog on earth he had no real sin to bring to the forefront

sure still the magic of Oz works in strange ways often dark and never pleasant through no fault of his own Toto had been corrupted by the land of Oz and was transformed into a great slug of a beast that's the whole thing that's the whole thing

so if Dorothy puts her shirt back on like do they all go back to normal like nice things this is Todd McFarlane's world that will never happen she'll never put that shirt back on we're meant to think this is terrible right like she took her shirt off she shouldn't have done that

because look at all of her friends are tortured even her beloved dog is just like ah fuck it he's a he's a weird monster now I don't get what's the benefit of the magic cautionary tale uh mark her she heard the wizard say his deep voice nearly breathless she felt a rope tighten around her arm

and then she couldn't see them a pair of chattering munch munchkins branded her hip marking her permanently with a sigil of Oz Dorothy had never felt a pain so intense so liberating so sensual it was deep and coarse and ground through her veins carrying with it

a dose of adrenaline that made her gasp and her knees buckle distressed and alive she screamed while a smile of pure bliss lit her lips gone was Kansas gone was Toto gone were her auntie and uncle and her room and her friends and all the boys who didn't understand her

her secret was out bondage freed her in ways she simply hadn't imagined as her hood was lifted away she stared into the green eyes of her first and final lover saying something Todd her body still shaking in recovery her diaphragm her diaphragm

with the pressure around her torso welcome home my pretty the wizard said stroking her burned flesh a man turned boy in the face of Dorothy's unusual powers she smiled again if this was hell Dorothy would be its queen and she would rule its kingdom

the end oh my god that is terrible that fucking sucks Todd Todd do you take constructive criticism fucking sucks okay also I immediately

am just like you can so tell that Todd was just trying to crank it while he was writing this the obvious route I feel like if you were writing a wizard of Oz story like this would be like you have the witch be this character like

because the witch is the one who's menacing them right like no it's the wizard and he's a bug man and he's made of hamburgers or something but he's hot so he's so attractive

he's kind of gross and old but like something about him he's kind of got like a nice car he's got money from spa on comic books you know he really pulls off that leather jacket no matter what the magazine said about him which was uncalled for it's like

it's like the metaphor is grooming it's like oh he's this girl and she's a virgin she like teaches her how to do sex and that she never has sex with anybody else she's his forever yeah I'm starting to come around to the I feel like fiction is I feel like you know Todd should be

indicted I feel like he endorses everything that happened in this story you know bring the lawsuit Todd because what will happen is we'll have to read this in court in front of everybody we'll be acquitted no no we'll make you read it oh my god well

I don't want to hear it this is an edgy adaptation of a Justin Roiland DM there is an alternate ending real quick just she I'll recap it because it's terrible and pointless and that you have an alternate ending

I'm assuming because the 18 year old goth girl toy company was like this is no you didn't prove shit like I'm still going to HR immediately no no there's an alternate ending and this one she turns the corset turns her into the witch and she goes she gets

ugly her beauty was gone she knew but that force burbling inside of her was the sort of power mere beauty would never give her so then she turns into the witch glad to have her beauty robbed of her as all powerful women

must I'm assuming what's going on and there's an alternate ending to this podcast too one where everybody had a good time I wish there was an alternate start in middle there's nothing so tragic

as when the young die before the old here at hot dog space can you see I'm sure you can there's nothing so tragic as when the young die before the old here at hot dog space camp we know that all too well

a moment of silence please for the late hot dog space class 2023 three finger louis erin crostin adrian h just wanted to see the stars fuck

we told her that's not how it works but she was the dreamer adan mouat alpha scientist java unandy armando nava worked hard partied harder and they say died the hardest badger

benjamin sirenin bim talzer brandon garland brian sailor was the first to suggest they steal a real rocket but we're trying not to place blame here brian whitney rockway loves the meat hilly

still does berry tuman saral was the one who actually stole the rocket and it's his fault chad jance mcderman prisprow curious glare just wanted to smell space

devin the rogue supreme dean castello donald finney will never forget your tragic last words ghost ride the whip eric spalding fancy shark jell-a-ho deserved better than

we torn apart by space apes but he did bring those apes up there greg cuttingham hambo haraca harvey penguini's parents are suing the school we understand they're hurt but exploded

by asteroid is a pretty classic act of god hot fart jaber al-aidan died how he lived on the moon jeff haraski we've lost every one of our precious johns john deans family

asked us to say may he rest in the peace he hated in life john hector mcfarland's family asked us to say may he rest in war john mccammon's family asked us to say may the bastard find no rest john minkoff's family

chased us off their property with a thresher johnny no fun was ironically too much fun john's outspace is not the ultimate bong-cooler joseph surles will never forget your tragic last words

which were just your own name yelled from a saddle tied to a booster rocket now it may not hurt as badly as losing the johns but we lost all of our joshes too josh fabian we hope you finally found alph joshua

alph graves if only the two of you had met in life josh s we hardly knew you nobody could even find a picture leading theories say you were an urban legend ken paisley k&m mjahi shappell

mac miserable mat riley when you enrolled you told us you wanted to die naked on a comet we laughed at the time max baroy michael lair school is suing mickey lohmann's family

for defamation we are not a school full of buttholes who teach kids that rockets point down mike styles moju nd neil bailey needle shafer will miss your laughter most of all

it went like this war war war war war war war war war war war war like a horny walrus choking on a smaller smaller walrus is wild it's crazy stuff neko 104

nick ralston ozzie olin patrick herbst you asked in every class what would happen if you stuck it in the lunar rover what was the answer patrick rachel rainbargis

rianne sarcoski the deadly rumor that huffing space got you high spotty reception super knot had a theory that in zero gravity a fart could propel you forever it's still going as far as we know

ted h thomas kovatsos timmy lehi overdosed on freeze dried ice cream you can only eat four of those in a lifetime toasty god tom sakula tommy g

wailin russell yasarian yannis ionitis you were our best, our brightest the live feed showed you weren't that way too dr. awkward all of your instructors said it was impossible to do a kickflip in space they said you'd never

land it without gravity i guess i guess the joke's on them because you're kickflippin forever now