The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 121, World Bodybuilding Federation, Part 2 With Dan McQuade

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

In 1991 Vince McMahon sunk millions of dollars into an upstart bodybuilding competition whose only hook was "free steroids." Then, in 1992, he did it again, but more expensive and without steroids. That's exactly what Seanbaby, Brockway, and guest, Defector's Dan McQuade, are doing for this podcast. That's right, this week we're steroid-free!

1-900-HOTDAUGH 1-900-HOTDAUGH Out of podcast slams with maximum hype Say hotdog podcast word Yeah When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour Come on

You know the number 1-900-HOTDAUGH 1-900-HOTDAUGH 1-900-HOTDAUGH 1-900-HOTDAUGH 1-900-HOTDAUGH 1-900-HOTDAUGH 1-900-HOTDAUGH

Yeah 9000 Welcome to the dog zone 9000 This is part 2 of our World Bodybuilding Federation discussion With Dan McQuade, so if you haven't listened to part 1 You might be very confused But you can do whatever you want, fuck it Dan, do you want to do a plug?

You can subscribe to Defector Media at defector.com If you want to see the merchandise store that I run for us That's defector.store And I'm on Twitter at DHM I still tweet a little bit I'm Dan McQuade on Instagram If you want to see photos of my cat So here we are

The 1992 WVF I actually have a clip of Vince McMahon promoting it The World Bodybuilding Federation shoots off the big cannons for the WVF championship live tonight Exclusively on pay-per-view Gary Sprydom defends the WVF championship in a battle of the bulging biceps But on the front line, the Iron Warrior, Mike Christian Will challenge along with the flexing Dutchman Barry DeMay Plus a whole rack of 100%

U.S. tested grade A prime beef Don't miss the greatest bodybuilding event in history tonight The WVF championship So he says in the promo he's trying to say in a national TV kind of way We're testing for steroids now Right But it's still beef It's a tested beef

This time the beef has been tested Don't worry everybody Tested this beef You can legally feed these men to your kids Okay, if you couldn't guess already The big difference here is everything But it's also Vince McMahon has decided The reason this wasn't a success is because it needed more of his personal razzle-dazzle

And he is now kind of the host Definitely the main announcer And easily the biggest fan this has ever had A big man has ever had He is orgasming with potential at every single move of these large, large men I do love how he's overcorrected in exactly the wrong direction I think he shows Yes I thought it was perfectly right

I think the only shame here is that we lost that Regis Philbin star power Because he never knew He never knew why it was him Clearly they paid him a lot of money But not enough to not look at the cue cards the whole time Right So he comes in Oh yeah

But when they came back they were like let's do it again Regis And he's like are you fucking kidding me No I'm never doing the big man show ever again So they replaced him with Mean Jean So okay they've gone so much more WWF Now the color commentators are not a bodybuilder It's now Vince McMahon and Bobby the Brain Heenan

Who Tom is still there Yes Tom is still there because at the intro he says The most unbelievable bodybuilders in the world On the face of the earth For that matter In the world and on earth

It is Heenan's very first time watching bodybuilding He doesn't seem I actually believe that I believe that was for a bit But I don't believe he was willing to watch anything before this Because he just has nothing to add aside from his one running I mean he has the bit that every single person he's like This is my pick to win and like Vince acts like it's like the first time He's done the bit every single time

And then the payoff at the end is I told you so Yeah Was it worth it for that bit? I mean it was one of the better bits It was like one of the only bits but yeah alright I think they open to the great bit where Mean Jean Gives everyone like two sets of bad news That's a such a great way to start a competition

He's like yeah one guy is sick with pneumonia sorry And then Lex Luger was gonna be here And well he got in a motorcycle accident They throw to him in the hospital I actually have a clip of that Even in a hospital bed I look better than anybody there But I wanna watch the show

I mean I need my pillow fluff They keep on giving me these stupid bed pens They take your temperature the wrong way here I mean where's my chicken? Where's my fluffy white rice? We're gonna have advice to say That from all of us here in Southern California We've really got to sympathize with you

I just can't imagine that a cold bedpan Would feel good no matter where you are I guess you had to be there Keep watching Lex We're gonna check back with you a little bit later on In the show It's the worst I've ever heard a joke perform In my entire life

I did not know it was a laugh line I just thought he was just like Bedpans suck Yeah I thought it was Nobody else did Nobody had any idea except for Vince McMahon Who clearly wrote it You can hear him laugh at the joke he wrote

So I actually shook Mean Jean's hand once I paid $5 to do it That's a good deal I was at a wrestling show It was like a card run by Tommy Dreamer A longtime ECW guy Who puts on these indie shows Called House of Hardcore

I don't know if he still does it This was like 2018, 2019 They had a couple wrestlers there They sell their autographs Or you can take a selfie with them Mean Jean was there There was a sign that was like Mean Jean Action Figure

$60 Mean Jean Picture $20 Conversation $10 Handshake $5 I was like

Whatever I was like I loved Mean Jean So I was like Hey man Here's $5 Let me just shake your hand And then he's like

You didn't just leave the bathroom Did you? And I was like Am I allowed to reply Or do I have to pay another $5 Is this a trap? It's like Handlers and Mean Jean All laughed

And it was like I got to do a bit with Mean Jean It was amazing But yeah If you ever I love going to indie wrestling shows Just because you may see Animal from the Legion of Doom there

Selling his autograph And some shitty or good wrestling I've got Mean Jean Action Figures For $24.99 on eBay So uh Well that's up Negative $35

That's a Yeah That's a sound investment This was signed This was signed Okay So maybe it So those would be a check

Because that's going for $20 And I mean And like considering He tried $5 for a Handshake I assume an autograph of an action figure was Does it come with a Handshake? Here is an autographed Mean Jean action figure

That is $200 All signed Signed Okay Well I guess he had to be there That's what It has to be what it says When you pulled a little string

I uh Was with a friend And we stopped at a Mean Jean Burgers Which I didn't know was a thing And we just found along a highway And we were there And we were like Really excited

We thought it was such a funny idea And like we bought a t-shirt And like we're making all these jokes We took a picture And they're like Like why the fuck are you guys so excited? I thought that was so funny That like

Like you don't understand the absurdity Of a Mean Jean Burgers I guess because like You know You work here I suppose But like We think this is weird Once it even connected

Did he have any idea that it was Oh god He had to have His head was on everything Uh This Why is this funny to you? This is my life

Yeah And it hit him It hit us that like Yeah he makes a good point Like it really Killed our enthusiasm What the fuck Never forgive that guy

Let people have fun you fucking asshole Flip the burger Let us live our lives Much like Mean Jean did With the entire momentum of the show In the first two minutes Why was Lex Luger so angry? Also

Like I guess So like that was a legitimate I don't think that was a legitimate hospital bed No But um But he did have a legitimate Motorcycle accident Yeah

That led to a real injury And that is why he was not there I don't know why they thought that the best way To solve that That he could no longer be there Was to like Have him be like a real jerk In the hospital

And I feel like that had to have been his character But But like the crossover I think it would be overconfident with Like People following the WWF I guess

Well I think it's more simple than that Like if The first thing people resort to When they're very bad at comedy And they don't have any time Is the angry character Like you see it in every improv

Well I'm just grumping And like I think that's what they gave him When they were like I don't even know what Well alright I'll write a hot Did you say a hospital bed sketch

He's still gonna be in the thing Alright well He's in a motorcycle I've got it Cranky He doesn't like being in the hospital That's uh That's a premise

He wants his fluffy white rice Is that Is that I'll put it in the script Whatever Well We'll put a little note here That if it bombs

You can say I guess you had to be there Right So fucking weird And like just Let's see Out of an already empty room Which again

I want to remind everyone This is the least Successful pay-per-view In American television history Yeah I'd have to double check the sources But that's That's what I read

And it So now we like Let's start the show Like Eddie Robinson comes out And he was the guy who We already announced What was the other guy's name That there was another guy out there

Lex Luger couldn't be there But also one of the competitors They said came down with pneumonia And couldn't be there Yeah, that was Vince Yeah, Vince Comaferd Comaferd

That's right, okay So already we're We're one disaster down But we dodged a bullet Because he was a native American In the first one And this bigger and more spectacular show He would have had a full headdress on

Like no question He would have scalped somebody Because that's one of the themes of this And almost every one of these sketches I'm gonna say 60% of these sketches Open with them murdering somebody And then Right

Turning around to pose Like Fresh off the murder Here's my muscles Coming out Doing the scene from bone drama hawk Here comes Vince It turns around

After he splits him in two And look at the muscles That split that man in two Look at him devour the entrails Of his victim He gets that protein Yeah, but Eddie Robinson comes out And he's doing a full Rambo thing

And it shows that the packages Have upgraded from them In their kitchen Making vegetables too Like Like a full Rambo cosplay Like loading an M60 And

He comes out And this This is where I should have loved it But I inexplicably did not He starts shooting ninjas with his M60 Instead of posing in any way He's just like

Rat-a-tat-tat I kill the ninja Rat-a-tat-tat Kill that ninja See, this is where I started Absolutely love again He came out And I was like

Well, he's just going to pose with the gun And put it down And then he aims it at the crowd And I'm like Wow, this is a different time When you can aim a machine gun At the audience And then he starts pulling the trigger

And guys start dying And they're like What, they're ninjas The ninjas fucking storms The sage Huge biceps More ninja murder A little slow kung fu fight

It was great Yeah, the little kung fu fight Oh my goodness After the routine There's like more bit And like ninjas come on To the stage And he like

Instead of shooting them He like Gets into like a little Like Fight with them Yeah And his kick His like spin kick

Is like One of the funniest things I've ever seen He really just lifts weight He really hits the dudes like thigh Like he can't get high at all Yeah Every act of physicality

Other than lifting weights These guys are just completely inept at But it's adorable In an adorable way Tom Platt says a little bit Of feedback for his routine You guys still want to hear that? Please

Big biceps Thanks Tom This has been a year Clearly it's been Tripled the budget Of the first one Yeah And Tom brings

Nobody had any notes Nobody had any notes For how Tom did the first time Where the most interesting thing He said Was he made up a lie About muscle fibers Instead of answering a question

And everybody's like You did fucking great You did fucking great Tom Let's get you back With no notes To point out that The large man And the large man competition

Has big biceps I've been working on some quips I got one about how A guy looks strong That'll be That'll be interesting Real strong Yeah

You can sort of Feel it hemorrhaging money Like you say it's got Triple the budget And like everything you see Just seems too expensive Like Like

Too expensive Yeah, they like They rented out a jet For the next vignette They didn't fly it They ran out of jets To sit in Yeah

I assume that still costs Some money They probably did not get The cooperation Of the United States Navy For the scene Yeah, that was somebody's Elector jet

They paid So I liked that Some of the guys Like What's his face Up there Major guns Eddie Robinson

He got his new character Major guns But some of the guys Are just like No, your character rules Top gun Tony Pearson You're the jet man

Again We know you're a lifeguard We know it has Nothing to do with them But they're like Yes The jet man And here's what

What struck me As insane early on Because they started Going up And I was like Wait a minute Is it all the same people? Exactly

Exactly the same people It's exactly the same people Just a year later It's It's astonishing That it's not Even a competition It's just

You really thought Year after year after year People would watch The same guy With the same muscles Do the same poses What was this? What was the game plan?

Fucking crazy Maybe It's great This top gun thing This Speaking of crazy They did a full systems check For this jet

And it goes on For 15 minutes God damn it Then there's a whole dog fight That he's in But of course it's not him It's just a Either him as

In a studio Or just a different actor In a helmet Just looking around While they play footage Of jets fighting And you Like what is

Do they fucking think We think this is happening Like I get the idea That he's a jet fighter Cool So let's wrap it up But it's like

No, like they're This is real footage of him Like having a jet fight For 40 minutes The vignette Seemed to like Shift between Like this is just a bit

Or like this is real Like without any sort of Like thought to it Like it's like 17 different people Wrote this But like No, I'm pretty sure

Just Vince McMahon Wrote all this Yeah, this is a Vince McMahon joint My favorite part Of the I guess the lore The world building

That there If this is one cohesive world Is that All of the other parts Like they The main part goes To the bodybuilder He gets to play pretend

He gets to play I'm the jetman But all the other parts Go to the same Four skanks Just doing So even like The flight check

Lady Goes to a skank Doing the best acting That professional I say it With all of my heart A 90s skank Can do

Yeah And they They just Looked it up at the yellow Pages Well, there was Before it was an insult It was a career

In the 90s You could just be A professional skank My favorite line During the Jetman Tony Pearson set Is I think

It has to be Vince I didn't write down Who said it But it's He says totally Drug free And then he goes You've heard of James Brown

The hardest working Man in showbiz Well, this is maybe The hardest working Man in bodybuilding Doesn't even come out Oh, God Yeah

I have heard of James Brown Yeah, good point For a person Who's not named James or Brown They also say This is the first one they say Tony Pearson

The man who Wrote his own rap And then they start playing His own rap About being The Jetman I did not take a clip If you're expecting me to hit a clip

I did not take it Damn it I was considering doing it It was harder to hear It was They talked over it The whole time But, man

They were going for an album He was going to be The Jetman Just Completely Totally drug free Jetman Up there

And of course Tom Plats also adds Look at that back You got him I guess we talked about Mike Quinn In part one Oh, but

A little bit This is like So according to Several bodybuilding Message boards That I read While researching this This is like

An infamous routine For how bloated Yes He is He is very bloated But it opens With me, Gene Making a Rodney King joke

He's like He's like Mike Quinn won't be here He's been arrested But we know your police chief Daryl Gates loves video And Oh, he went there

Then they cut to him In prison But he's like Wearing a straight jacket Like it's like Like a Like a sanitarium In a movie

In the 50s Or whatever Right And then like I thought Then like I was like Oh, it's going to rip off this

Like straight jacket That'll look cool At least Nope It was like It took him so long To get it off It wasn't like

Give him a trick once It was so unflattering somehow Like him taking off this Then he Then he's like On the run From out of the jail And they're just like

Whoa, that's what happened In the jail And then they They cut And he's coming into the To the arena Or whatever it was And his line is

He goes Vince McMahon, baby Vince McMahon Yeah, what does that mean? And Mike Quinn has one of those personalities Where he says baby At the end of every sentence As if he's like

Yeah Like, oh This is my announcer guy I'm a fast talker, baby I say things And then I say baby, baby They did It's worth noting

For what happens after After the little pose down He did kill several police officers In that skit He didn't just make it He didn't burst out of the wall In the jail cell Like the Kool-Aid man

Just like he didn't burst out of the The front of Versailles The straight jacket They made everything look real hard for him But he did He did kill several police officers And then jogged into the arena To pose

And then almost as soon as he poses After hulking out of a jail cell And murdering several cops with his bare hands As soon as he starts posing Tom Platt says Looking a little soft Even Vince says I think it's pretty safe to say, Tom

That Mighty Mike Quinn Has been better in the past In terms of physique He's looked better Even Vince had to admit it Apparently, according to one of the Message boards I read I can't really hear it in the video

Someone's someone So like cops come out again At the end of his bit And he grabs him both And does like a double noggin' knocker But apparently someone yells out Arrest him for being fat I don't know if that happens

But I'll tell you what did happen He jogged off the stage with two skanks And I think it's I think it's Vince McMahon who says Guess he's on his way to Bimbo Heaven now So fucked up So the storyline is He murders the way out of a

Prison for the mentally insane The criminally insane And kills a couple of cops on stage And then kidnaps two women And has sex with them All to be told he's looking a little fat Yes Well, while three men call him fat

And he performs his own rap Which again, goes like this I don't know Oh, baby What is going on? Oh my god I think I'm gonna take my shirt off This is the kind of action you get

This is me How's he Bopsled him Marty McMahon wins with his ladies Wild Oh yeah, get it on The great performer The bad boy of bodybuilding

Most definitely Now, here's a question I don't remember But why, at some point in that clip Why does Vince McMahon yell the words Bopsled team? I agree 100%

The density of the insanity In that clip I was gonna stop it Because we listened last time I was like Where would I stop? What would I cut? Bopsled team

I was trying to figure it out Watching it Like I don't know I was trying to think Like a cool running thing But maybe this predates cool running He does

Two skanks do come on stage But at no point I don't think they do the I don't think they like No, I don't think so either But I think like He thought that they were going to I don't know

Maybe he wrote They do the Bopsled team down there And they didn't want to do it Maybe it's like a slippery panties thing Like, oh, he's got them so moist there Yeah, yeah Like a slag dictionary From the early 90s

And be like You know, like that famous New York Times thing Where they had like the grunge lexicon And it was just like Some like prankster Just gave them a bunch of like Big terms that grungsters used

It's like the one The one that I love is Swinging on the flippity flop Means like hanging out And the New York Times Like Pretty nice That's good

That's like a real thing So like maybe someone told Vince They're like, oh, a Bopsled team Is what all the kids say now Wet panties are flying off Into the audience When six men pull Wet panties off a view

And they come off way too easily That's the Bopsled team I'm going to pull that quote Just put Robert Brockway after The next one is David Durth He's the What, the rock and roll Fucking band

I can't remember his name Rock and roll Wild Child Wild Child And he does a full rock and roll show Like he air-guitars A full terrible rock song In some like club And he does not

Get to be the frontman Of this rock band He's like the guitarist He's the guitarist That they barely linger on They do have a frontman Who looks like fucking junkies Steve Perry

And he gets more Fucking ski-fairy up there Gets more Of the spotlight Than the bodybuilder He gets more screen time It's amazing I just don't know

Why you make the full music video But why did they not cut it down to two seconds Like just like, okay He just came from a gig Where he plays guitar for us Like, no, no You need to see the whole song, everybody Well, because he

His story is His story is like the first Because up until now Every single one of these men Has murdered somebody And then came on stage Those about it And so his is the first of the stories

Where it gets really sad Because what happens is He runs backstage And all the groupies All the skanks follow him And they forcibly strip him And the director makes a crazy decision Here to say

And you're scared You're really scared of it And so he looks super frightened That all of his clothes are gone And then he runs away from them At top speed While they celebrate Stealing his clothing

And that's the cue to like Now he comes out Fresh from getting mugged By women It's David Dirt And then he poses And then he has to pose It makes me so sad for him

All throughout The song's chorus is That's what rock and roll is all about Which is like It's like sounds like a It's like, oh, that's like a Royalty-free song about rock and roll That you found

This is definitely a background song From a CSI episode Type of song This is also a This is a bit where I really like Vince's drug line In this one, that was With the drug-free competition

It makes it a level playing field For everyone He also, he doubles down In this one, he says It's amazing, you can do that With no steroids Unbelievable Yeah

You're right, it is kind of unbelievable Yeah, not sure I'd buy it Luckily, Platt saves the day He comes out and he says Ooh, he's rock hard They say rock hard a lot That's Platt Platt opens the seal on that

And they're like, that's a good phrase Let's not think about it They had that phrase I remember, I was a kid in the 90s We had that phrase I was like 11 or 12 here We knew what rock hard meant Everybody did

You know what you're doing When you say, oh, he's rock hard That we could see in those little panties Like Vince is sexually squealing For half the show Talking about how rock hard these men are Get it on Well, I'm slid time, baby

I don't know what the fuck he's saying David Derth is the only other competitor I could find who has since passed on He died in, I actually don't know But he died at age 56 He had like a heart attack While getting surgery for something But here's a line from the obit

On muscle insider David's brutal honesty About his recreational drug use Steroid use slash abuse Run-ins with the cops Sexual conquests Bar fights Family deaths

Trading injuries Medical problems And job losses Made him a fan favorite Among the bodybuilding fans Who grew up in his era And newbies who'd never heard of him before People charged screenshots from his posts

On other forums Which made David even more famous Can I just say Looking up and reading from the obituaries Of all the competitors Is the darkest goddamn bit I've ever heard Yep Only two of them

I love it But did you only happen to look up to? No, I looked up every one Yeah, you looked up every one Cause I figured everyone was going to be dead That's what I'm saying And you're right No, I'm not saying you're wrong

You were absolutely correct to do this It's just so dark I'm not saying I'm proud of it You should be It was a much needed reminder That this was a really bad idea For everybody involved In every way

In every way I'm relieved that his story is real Cause all these guys have bad boy stories But you look like a dude who lifts a lot of weights But David Durth is like No, no, I was a real dirtbag Okay, that's good to know Yeah, you're like

Oh, he kind of is the rock and roll one Yeah, he really was I mean, rest in peace, but he was Yeah Cause I don't think that other guy was a real fighter pilot No, no, no Some doubts are being thrown It's my favorite one

It's the next one Can I do the next one? Please Okay, it's Mike Christian, the iron warrior And they describe him Mean Jean calls him armed and dangerous And then we cut to like a steelworking factory With a bunch of ripped steelworkers

And they're like the sparks and fire And just all of this manly stuff For way too long And all this like cuts of stock footage Of just iron being poured And then they steam burst out of the arena And when it clears, you see a giant cast A giant like metal cast

A big box And then I'd say he doesn't get the skanks Though he gets big burly men Come out and free him from this cast As though he's been molded And so they pull the cast open They creak it open And with all of this showmanship

You see that an actual exact outline Has been cut of Mike Christian into this iron And he's standing there in his pose And steps out of the cast Iron warrior, he steps right out And then Platts goes, look a little soft He instantly says that this guy sucks The second he steps out of the cast

And then later he says I think he's had a hard time With the transition to steroid free And I think that's when Vince is mad at him He goes, you said that before He said, shut up about how soft he is About how steroids were better Like specifically shut up about how the steroids were

What made him better Bobby the brain who's like a skilled broadcaster Well compared to Vince I guess So he knows better than to just directly contradict him So he's just talking about how buff he is He's really super buff to me guys So I'm like, wow, I can't believe how buff he is Wow, he's really hard

So that's how they handle this guy He's just complaining about how soft this guy is I think Vince also, I think it's Vince who says He has not been enjoying the greatest health as of late To one of Platts like insisting No, no, it's the steroids And Vince is like, no, he's not been enjoying The greatest health as of late

So you want the narrative to be That everybody in this competition is sick Because that's so far That's like half of the people are out to sickness and injuries In your peak of the human form competition You're like, ah, they're all sick They're all sick out here flexing it up for us Next up we have Danny Padilla

And he's the giant killer And their production designer was like Oh, I think I have an idea for that And they do a full Jack in the Beanstalk thing It's got the vibes of a Christian educational show It's like he walks up to a but where the giant sign And he turns to the camera and he's like, oh, Pasha Pasha, big fucking Zach Morris shrugged to the camera

God damn, oh, I hate it so fucking much And he gets, everybody else gets like a rad guitar solo He gets weedy, wispy, little flute music A little loot To make him look, they put big mushrooms and things around To make him look as small as possible As he's about to come out to this competition For how big you are

He also, like, he faces a giant And then he only just like steps on his toe Yeah, he should have lifted him or something Feed him up, yeah And he also, before that, he like Does the Oshuk's look into the camera Like the giant's like, I'm going to kill you I'll, hey, audience at home, should I let him kill me?

Real bugs-bunny shit And then he just stops on his foot Like Dennis the Menace That's how Dennis the Menace would solve it That's how like a child, that's a home alone bit And it has nothing to do with how strong you are Nothing in this makes you look cool at all And then he explains that that's why they call me the giant killer

To the camera And again, like Vince made this for four-year-olds Except if my daughter saw this when she was four She was like, Dad, this is fucking stupid And then after all this He just emerges from the shadows, weirdly nude So again, like the tone is all over the place There's also like big fake mushrooms on stage

Yes But then Platz instantly says that he sucks this year It compares Everybody sucks Platz is out here just going everybody sucks Now that they're not on steroids And then Vince replies That's what you could do if you're drug-free

And you're 41 years old And on the bodega and just have to bowl until 4 a.m. And they're a real little guy Fuck Do you have any He's again one of the only people that gets interviewed I don't know why they ambush only certain people Coming off of the stage

But they interview him about what just happened And I don't think he's been fully coached Like it's all building up to a sketch ending But he has not been fully coached on the interview Because they ask how we felt about this And he says, this is it This is the day of my life I almost want it too

And then he winks at the camera And Jean has to be like, well, you might still win it No, no, no, you don't know that you lost yet This is the day of my life Almost won it too, wink Fucking destroyed the entire case wave Immediately And then the giant comes out again

Because this has not been humiliating enough They have to do it to him live in front of the audience He ducks under his legs and knocks him over And then starts slapping him with his hat With his own hat Which is just There's a term for this, right? Where like with dwarves and stuff

Where if all you're doing is making the show About how they're small, it's like It's like the minstrel show version Of short people Whatever that term is This is that But specifically not on steroids Yeah, it's just kind of a buff guy

He's not very tall And they're making him do this Minstrel-y little person show It's so uncomfortable Like he's 5'2", that's okay It's not, I mean it's I'm a little Like yeah, that's like short for a man

But it's not like You know, particularly short It doesn't have to be his personality Yeah, like if I met him I would make a note of how short he was But I don't know if I would like describe him As a little guy Yeah, maybe I would

He'd have to have a pretty big personality To overcome 5'2", you guys are like he's I think he did have a bit of a personality Even though like he was acting In like a vignette for toddlers As you said Like I don't know I do think he had some

Some like personality to him He was the best dancer for sure Yeah, he was the best dancer He comes alive with a Latin beat You gotta give him that That's how I would describe him Hold on, that's another point This is 1992

Latin was enough He could have just been the Latin one Like you don't Why did you make him the little guy When you don't have a Latin guy 1992, that was enough for a personality He could have been a bullfighter I'm not saying it would be better

But He could like have a little matador cape And like pull it out of the way To show his dickbasket Put it back As though it's angry That's gonna be like a sweet dickbasket I look a little soft though

I was a little soft I wish it was bulging more I wish it was a rock hard The next guy is the future Again, he's kind of a robot thing Same as last year It's like a little more elaborate this time Like last year he was just like in a

Yeah, in a cheating booth And like now they have like cheesy cyborg graphics Now did you happen to cap the song Well, I guess it's not quite a song But the soundtrack of his I don't think I noticed So I am going to have to do the robot voice Please

Initiate bicep phase Abdominals The whole time The whole time The whole time So embarrassing I like that he like walks like the Terminator on stage

But like to the beat It's just like it's sort of ruined the whole Like cyborg thing for me That like he was like walking like a robot But like sorry for doing the voice But it was like on time with the beat And it's like oh that somehow like ruins it for me Initiate bicep phase

And to be clear That's not like just the start That's the soundtrack while he's doing it So the robot will say initiate bicep phase And then he'll flex his bicep As though he's going through the routine And he's the future, he's a cyborg Do you have what Vince says?

I do not Vince says he's doing it drug free And does anybody have what Platte says? I do not His waist is a little wide What a gentle way to put it That's like how you tell your wife Your dress isn't fitting

He's doing it drug free His waist is a little wide His waist is a little wide I don't know how to put it honey Jesus Christ I like how you guys are both like Trying to not do the robot I think it's okay to do the robot voice

We're not allowed to do the Chinese voice anymore Robert That was my best robot voice That was the best I got I do like that they do a little package here They explain the process of judging these bodies Even though this one is all 100% of work And Danny has already explained that They're like we look at the vascular

And the symmetry Which again feels really late for it This should have been the first thing They showed at the start of this one In part two Halfway through part two They start explaining what the point of this is So why are we doing this?

Oh right It's like this podcast It's run just as well as this podcast A guy who we've never seen before Named Dave Draper Talks about how they're looking for talent in a person And things that go deeper into the person Into the character

It's just like Now I feel like I'm further away from how this competition is judged You're judged on your muscles I found it fascinating that they called out vascularity Like you want or don't But they didn't say which direction They're like we judge them on their vascularity Like judge them on their veins

It's good They did call that one guy thin skinned Like it was a real compliment So I say the more veins the better And remember they said that one guy had a fire hose vein Yeah you're right, the fire hose vein In the first one They talk about how they're looking for mass and density

And my wife kept being like Aren't those the same thing? Like I need more explanation here Yeah Your wife is the Emperor's New Clothes character Like all of this is just a bunch of guys Talking bullshit That falls apart the second anyone asks

Just a really common sense question I have a clip from the WBF Body Stars I wanted to talk about that just briefly Because there was a TV show that went along with this But the TV show was kind of just a commercial for it And this was so obvious That they couldn't find any advertisers This was like something that aired on Saturday mornings

On USA And it was such a commercial for this pay-per-view That advertisers are like I'm not going to fucking pay to be a part of your commercial So Vince Regan had to buy the whole airtime Like it was an infomercial Wasn't it a cartoon? No it was like a behind the scenes

It made me think of it because of this behind the scenes We're talking about And it just sort of showed like The bodybuilders lifting weights and like what they eat Sort of like the packages from the first one Here's a clip Fucking writing and sliding Writing and sliding

That's that bobsled shit That's that bobsled shit If you're into bodies Isn't it incredible? In the bodies, children, if you love bodies No, you're nuts We can't say that That's expressly illegal in every country

To say that to a child So just one way One other way this thing was hemorrhaging money Is Vince McMahon had to buy an actual infomercial for it To again, perform worse than any other pay-per-view had In the history of humankind Is there anything they could have done To lose more money in this one?

Like I scientifically don't think so I can't imagine It's so jam-packed so rapidly With things built to get you fines To make you like permanent enemies With anybody that could potentially recover from this To drive sponsors away to just To just sink money on nothing

On set pieces to fucking To rent a jet for a guy to come out and flex Like nobody that cares about the second thing Gives a shit about the first thing And vice versa And everyone this touched Has a reason to file a lawsuit Several are dead

It's just nasty Good god this And you said this is the same stage as those Crystal Light aerobics dancers It was for the first one It was a very similar looking stage This one was way more 90s The first one was way more 80s

Despite that they were both in the I'm just looking for a lingering curse I'm looking for maybe somebody died on that stage In a tragic way I mean several people died on the stage During the show Not like you know actually I mean slowly

I think there's not Several police officers you know This was a I mean they were dying The next one is Barry DeMay And he does a very very long Don't just leave it there Barry DeMay the flexing Dutchman

Yes oh you're right the flexing Dutchman And he's very handsome And that's like where they're going with it now And he does a very long casino thing Like 007 like backer at game Despite the fact that it was at a casino last year And it's not at a casino this year I had to go back and pay more to this casino

And Vince just giggles and cheers to the whole thing He's like oh he's a lady killer alright Like he just can't get over how fucking hot this dude is 100% he wrote it The way he giggles through it And nobody else does And he's just like yeah this is great This is great

He's absolutely a writer Like seeing his sketch come to life Yeah yeah he's the James Bond of Vascularity Look at it look at that fucking Anaconda on his neck Look at that thing And I think what he thinks is that he's got one for the ladies Like this guy is going to be a hit with the ladies But I watch a lot of like hunky videos from the 80s

And they think it's for the ladies There's sort of this game they play where like hey ladies This is a video for you but it's absolutely for gay men That's like what Vince is He's making the classic mistake here that like I guess it's kayfabe but not what Vince's case Like Vince sincerely thinks the ladies are going to love this This is not an act

Because he loves it So why wouldn't everybody Now I don't follow the internal logic of this sketch So he goes to a casino Nothing nothing nothing it takes forever He's just gambling He's not even saying anything cool He just says like yeah let's go with it

I actually left and like made a sandwich And came back and he was still gambling He was still gambling gambling Finally a casino skank Like just assaults him Comes up and starts groping him She says I'll be good luck for you He does win and then she says

So you earned this and gives him like an amulet Like some sort of skank A skank talisman Which one can you use to summon that particular skank In battle later So he won and she gives him an amulet And he's like he looks confused Because she says nothing

And she just kind of leaves And he's like when I have your amulet And then he comes back to her room And it's like did you want this back He uses that as an excuse That's the excuse to get together Is that he confusedly returns her amulet To like was this alone

It's like when you leave a sweater at someone's house Like I got to come back to my sweater Then he exits the hotel room And he's like on stage Like there's like a little like hotel room door So he fucked her Set up on stage So that's the the role you're playing

Is that he came straight from fucking her Walked out his hotel room door It opens onto the bodybuilding stage Which means wait that means it's There's also the penitentiary For the criminally insane On the other side Fucking who zoned this neighborhood?

Oh Vince McMahon It just hit me Now I don't have any of Tom Platt's lines For this pose off I wrote down a bunch of Vince McMahon's though Okay His first oh nice look at those abs Oh

That's one of them where he just loses his mind They say he knows how to handle women in dumbbells Same thing to me That was Bobby Heenan You're right you're right Vince McMahon is the one that says I could pick up the slack for the guy if he wants Referring to the woman he's just left

Saying I specifically prefer the sloppy seconds While he's posing He might be talking about his flaccid penis He might be like oh let me just carry your flaccid penis for you sir Either way And then when he You're spent in flopping dong You majestic beast

Oh the dong look at those dong The pose off ends and he goes back to the hotel room As if I just took a little pose break In between railing this woman And she uh The skit isn't over somehow He gets two skits out of this Where she poisons his drink

But he switches them She's going to die But he's still like getting really close to her Like we're gonna fuck I guess hopefully I guess hopefully while she's dying instead of after Hopefully before When she tries to drug him

Vince says I thought the WBF was supposed to be drug free That's so sarcastic Vince Yeah he's telling on himself with that one And he ends that bit when she drinks it Vince McMahon says go ahead drink it Ha ha ha Let me watch a woman die He really came to life on this one in the worst way

I had some problems with the next one too The next one's Aaron Baker the fallen angel And they kind of do a cool little comic book thing So he's like a full superhero now And you're like okay this is great But he comes out and again this is the black man with the show enough haircut And he comes out and Vince says he sculpted Ebony Yeah I don't think that's right

Yeah it's not exactly great That's all that's my only note for this I was just kind of uncomfortable with Vince McMahon That's the only note I really have Except that he did get an encore And Tom said he was better this year Wow he did look great The two notes I took where Vince McMahon says

Totally drug free And Tom Platt says great back He's back to see That's how you know someone's still on steroids Because that's the code He's on the back He's on the back again He's on a cycle of back

And then next was Zook And his is just a really long Baywatch thing He's like a rescue lady I kind of scrubbed you this one It's so weird He tells me he's a lifeguard assistant Which is a thing I guess And he's like

Oh you're going to need to watch the ocean for me today Because he's like babes all over him And then there's someone drowning And he's just like Oh I'm not doing it And the assistant comes out Makes the save Brings the woman back

And then the assistant's like Oh I'm going to need you to help me with this part And Zook gives the drowning victim Now for now Okay but can you imagine A guy that size Running out into the water and swimming That is true

There's a few segments where you see these guys run And it's really funny It's really funny It looks like their upper half has been stabilized Like just the upper half is on some sort of gyroscope Because if they move too much They're all going to topple It's just

I saw that the assistant ran out And why are they giving the cool moment Once again to the assistant Just like they gave the cool moment To the singer in the rock pan And it was immediately followed by like Oh yeah He either can't swim

Or it would be completely ridiculous He would look like a senior pit bull Just trying to swim out there Doing his best You would be rooting for him to survive it One of my favorite Platts quotes Looking a little bit soft tonight Vince

Looking like I think he's been sick Some kind of intestinal virus Another sick Another sick bodybuilder Going around There's also a part where Tom goes Ravioli abs

And Bobby goes I love Mexican food And Vince goes I beg your pardon It was like they just didn't have a bit there And just sort of improvised into one That was nonsense Yeah, you knew what a cue was

From three different bits And you're like, I'm going to do that And see if it works See if we can fit it together But yeah, so they're all sharing the same intestinal disease Probably from one of the skanks And again, it's not a nice thing to say now But that's what they were on the call sheet

And probably the nicest thing anyone said to them During the week they were hanging out with Vince McMahon The next guy is the executioner And he's kind of Just lurking near a chopping guillotine With no one on it And then they put a hot girl in a rack And then there's a guy in the stockade

And there's this dude torturing them And so here comes the executioner with an axe And they have not updated his costume So he's still very much All right, let Dan do it Dan was going to do it Oh yeah, so here is what So he comes out in his...

After executing someone In his intro video Johnny comes out in that Black executioner's hat Like a KKK hot And Bobby goes Guess who's coming to dinner at David Duke's house Jesus Christ

You can't say What the fuck did you just say Aren't you glad you stay tuned For episode two Is that also a reference To that Sidney Portier movie? Yes, it's Guess Who's Coming to Dinner It's like double racist

It's the most Guess who's coming to dinner because It looks like a black Klansman Going to... That's the craziest thing Uh... Well, it's the second craziest thing No, it's the first craziest thing

I thought it was real weird how he kills the torturer Like, oh, he's going to come chop the head off Of this guy in the stockade, so he's like, no He's rescuing him? He rescues the torturer? There's no... So weird And then kills this troll who's torturing... Well, he chops...

He's really excited, he's like Is he going to hit him? And then he does it And he's like, oh, he does it And then he hits him in the balls And Vince is like, oh, he did do it! A crazy moment right before that Where he looks, he's doing the Roman gladiator thing Where he looks to the crowd like, should I kill him?

And they all cheer and you're like, oh, that's dark And then Bobby says Yeah, kill him Kill him Like really fucking Flatly just kill him So close And then he does kill him

He just kills him And everybody goes nuts I feel like he's the good guy in that story The guy was torturing Yeah, just A whole team of real big sick murders Just steroid-free Violently ill

Shitting all the time murders I should have done this earlier in my notes But like, let's make... Mike Quinn killed people on the way out of the prison For sure Eddie Robinson definitely killed Seven or eight ninjas The top gun guy

Tony Pearson shot a guy down, so that's a kill Danny Padilla killed a giant That's right Well, no, the giant was still alive when he ran offstage Yeah, I guess he just hit him with his hat That was a little G-rated for that one Okay, sure

He beat and humiliated a giant, but he didn't kill him The flexing Dutchman Like, killed a woman Yeah, he killed a woman But she was trying to kill him He could have just poured it out It was, you know, a revenge burger I'm not questioning the morality of any of these kills

I think the executioner, that's a clean kill I think if someone tries to poison you And you switch glasses, fair play Ninjas, absolutely If you see a ninja, go ahead and kill a ninja That's what they're for But it is a little weird that the vast majority Of these men kill somebody

I agree That's the point I'm trying to make It's also weird how they're all ill And that's the preferable That's the preferable thing you want us to think And they specify intestinal virus So you're supposed to picture all of these men Just shitting violently

Just shitting, that's why they call them the JIT Next is Gary Straight You gotta get your Tom Plats Oh, give me that Tom Plats I can't believe how huge his back is Plats Gary Straight is next And his isn't

Supernatural He's on the street Telling kids to get high on life You might as well find some gang bangers I have a clip Oh, thank god That's right You know how to get it

If you want one of those cars, you need success Because with success, there are awards You can have one of those cars too You gotta get off the street, man Yeah, man, so How do you build a big body like that? Yeah, I'll just lift up the body Like this?

Hard work and dedication Just like anything in life You want it? You gotta work for it What's a secret? What's a secret? Yeah, so Just find him a secret Too legit to play

Nothing Will ever be like that again The most uniquely insane 1990s moment I was so ready for it And it still got me I just watched it earlier today I also like before that bit

The Like Latin stereotype kids Go like, hey man Do you want some Drugs? Vince McMahon thought One would purchase drugs

I can't believe his whole thing He does the too legit to quit thing Again, in the actual Bodybuilding set They put the words too legit to quit He does the hand motions You can't make somebody else's thing Your thing

Legally, I don't think you can do that I think it betrays A kind of racism that he saw That and didn't think this is an MC Hammer thing This must be what his people do I think it's like what this When I saw this I was like This is definitely not an MC Hammer reference

This is someone who saw An MC Hammer video and said I just learned a thing about black culture The street culture that I'm trying to emulate Here in this sketch That's how I took it You know what people are going to remember me for? Too legit to quit

That's the thing they'll remember me Bodybuilder Gary Stridham for And no other person No one else, I came up with it I'm going to take it from fucking MC Hammer In 1992 He did not That was Hammers

I believe it's still his I think he might be the only one who tried to take it from MC Hammer Why would you? Nobody else wanted it This is like It's taken like I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs You're like no I think that belongs to Cocoa Puffs And I also don't think it works for your situation

Yeah it does it Like how did Like the kids are like Oh wow How do you get this level of success You just got to be too legit to quit Like It's probably not even the biggest song

Of the early 90s Well kids, you see You just got to be please hammer don't hurt him You got a bad medicine By John Bon Jovi You're allowed to take that one You're allowed to take that one I don't know why but you are

Thanks So now they interview all the guys There's just like a real set energy And they talk about all natural bodybuilding Like they're just like exhausted Like Mike Like Mike Christian could not sound More like

Disappointed that this thing Is drug free when he's like Yeah like this new No steroid policy Yeah it's super fucking great Being Running out of prison and being told I'm fat

Yeah have you ever like Gotten your pump on in your late 30s And then woken up the next day without fucking Steroids because it fucking sucks Also Every I think six out of them Say I'll be back

Uh Hold on maybe Did what year did Terminator 2 come out I want to say it was 92 right I think it's 91 Terminator 2 91 yeah So every single one of these big guys Thought they were reinventing the world

When they said I'll be back In a row they're in the same room One of them said I'll be back and instead of being like Oh no we're wearing the same dress He was like I've got to say it too And they did that six times He took mine so I'll just say I'm too legit to quit

Uh and yeah then Gary wins again And it just looks like They're shoveling money in the trash like pyrotechnics Start going off and this dead crowd Watches the guy flex after watching guys Flex for two hours Wait there's also a bit at the end where They go back to Lex Luger and he's like

They're showing vignettes of him on the cover Of SI and of time And then of the World Bodybuilding Federation Magazine like as if that's The biggest magazine to get Your face on the cover Of there's also a bit at the end

Where like me Jean just like Forgets what's going on And I didn't notice this until When I was doing research I found a recap Of it on the website WrestleCrap.com Great website That notes that

Jean, Jean says He goes ladies and gentlemen once again I want to present to you The five finalists In the 1992 World Bodybuilding Championship World build

World build a bacon championship One of the last lines that I think it's Maybe that's the name of one of his burgers At his burger place and he was Sneaking a plug in The world build a bacon championship burger Uh it's the only one That's all organic, no drugs

It's some drugs We smash up an Adderall in the burger Vitz McMahon right towards the end When he's doing the like this is it ladies and gentlemen This is the big show, this is WBF This is a drug free Competition

Yeah The craft is not trapped It's not without Send it to the dogs Come on Jean You kidnap it It's not dog It's not dog

It's not dog It's not dog It's not dog It's not dog It's not dog Yeah 1000 There's nothing so tragic as

When the young die before the old Here at hot dog space camp We know that all too well A moment of silence please For the late hot dog Space class 2023 Three finger Louis

Aaron Crossden Adrian H just wanted to see the stars Buck We told her that's not how it works She was a dreamer Aidan Muatt Alpha scientist Javo UnAndy

Armando Nava worked hard Partied harder and they say Died the hardest Badger Benjamin Sironin Vim Tulsa Brandon Garlo Brian Saylor was the first to suggest

They steal a real rocket But we're trying not to place blame here Rockway loves the meat hilly Still does Barry Tumac Sarah was the one who actually stole The rocket and it's his fault Chad

Chance McDermott Chris Broward Curious glare just wanted to smell space Devin the rogue supreme Dean Costello Donald Finney will never Forget your tragic last words Ghost rod the whip

Eric Spalding Fancy shark Jellaho deserved better Than to be torn apart by space apes But he did bring those apes up there Greg Cunningham Hambo Haraka

Harvey Penguini's parents are suing The school we Understand they're hurt but Exploded by asteroid is a pretty Classic act of God Hot fart Aiden died how he lived On the moon

Jeff Horaski We've lost every one of our precious Johns John Dean's family asked us to say May he rest in the peace he hated In life John Hector McFarlane's family asked us to say May he rest in war

John McCammon's family asked us to say May the bastard find No rest John Minkoff's family Killed the property with the thresher Johnny No Fun was Ironically too much fun It turns out space is not the ultimate

Bond cooler Joseph Searls will never forget your Tragic last words, which were just Your own name yelled from a saddle Tied to a booster rocket Now, it may Not hurt as badly as losing the Johns but we lost all of our

Josh's too Josh Fabian, we hope you finally found Joshua, Alph, Graves? If only the two of you had met in life. Josh S. We hardly knew ye. Nobody could even find a picture. Leading theories say you were an urban legend. Ken Paisley K&M M. Jahi Chapelle Mack Miserable Matt Riley, when you enrolled, you told us

you wanted to die naked on a comet. We laughed at the time. Max Baroy Michael Lair Michael Wells Now the school is suing Mickey Lohman's family. For defamation, we are not a school full of buttholes who teach kids that rockets point down. Mike Stiles Mojoo N.D. Neal Bailey Neal Schaefer will miss your laughter most of all. It went like this.

War War War War War War Like a horny walrus choking on a smaller walrus's wild, it's crazy stuff. Neko 104 Nick Ralston Ozzie Olin Patrick Herbst you asked in every class what would happen if you stuck IT in the lunar rover. What was the answer, Patrick? Rachel.

Rainbargis. Rianni. Sarkovsky. Sean Chase is the one who started the deadly rumor that Huffing Space got you high. Spotty reception. Supernaught had a theory that, in zero gravity, a fart could propel you forever.

Still going, as far as we know. Ted H. Thomas Kovatsos. Timmy Lehi overdosed on freeze-dried ice cream. You can only eat four of those in a lifetime, you know? Toasty God. Tom Sikula. Tommy G.

Wayland Russell. Yassarian. Yannis Ionitis. You were our best. Our brightest. The live feed showed you weren't that way, too. Dr. Awkward, all of your instructors said it was impossible to do a kickflip in space.

They said you'd never land it without gravity. I guess? I guess the joke's on them, because you're kickflipping forever now.