The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 123, Brad Stallion in Sex Olympics with Michael Swaim and Abe Epperson

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

Brockway invites Seanbaby and guests, Michael Swaim and Abe Epperson, to the Sex Olympics. Sorry, BRAD STALLION'S Sex Olympics. It's a careful, erotic game of never quite fucking, snakeplay, and battery acquisition. This one's steamy, bring your wrinkled panties!

One Nine Hundred Hector One Nine Hundred One Nine Hundred One Nine Hundred HOG DOG Good Nights

That nitrate power In the night It's not the size of the dog But how hard you can fight it You will survive Or maybe not When you're in the dark zone You gotta give it everything you have

One Nine Hundred HOT DOG Nights I am bronze medalist and thrusting, Robert Brockway And with me is three-time gold medalist in penile helicoptering It's Sean Baby Woo! Can't do it right now, I'm Rockhard I was gonna say, let's hear that winning copter

We all know that flap I'm Rockhard, no further questions Well that's too bad because joining us this week are Abe Epperson and Michael Swame Oh no, intensely critical judges of Olympic level penile helicoptering Oh no And move, I've seen that or I must say It takes the wrong days of this erection A bit flabby and limp

I stroke my mustache at this Look how shamefully erect he is There's no place Where's the balance, where's the elegance Hi, thanks for letting us be here, fellas My favorite intro that we've ever had As if I needed to prove why we don't have advertisers There it is

That's why we're here, honestly As you'll hear when we promote the shit out of our thing Desperately, constantly We thought you didn't have enough ads So we were like, we gotta help those fellas out So here we are You're doing a thing, you say? That's right

Tell me more about things Are you one of those pineapple upside down pods now Where they do the plugs at the top Always happen I'm so curmudgeonly We started it Really? Gamefully probably took it from you guys

But regardless, hey, thanks Yeah, yeah, yeah We're abing me We're trying to make our second Fendi movie right now This one's called Papa Bear And it's loosely based on the time my dad came out As a gay furry in my childhood Something I've just recently started adding to our pitch

That you guys don't know is In reality, his fursona is actually Cyber Bear He's a cybernetically enhanced bear Oh shit Dad was like a hat on a hat from a writing perspective He was determined Too cool He's too cool to be

You couldn't use more hats In the story, yeah So the crowdfunding campaign is currently active Go learn everything you'd need to know about the project But we're like the funny dudes from the crack video department That's a funny movie And if that hook appeals to you It's over at seedandspark.com

slash fund slash papa-bear And I probably won't do this incessantly For the rest of the episode That felt good I feel like I reached completion Yeah, I thought that was tight Yeah

I definitely speed the completion Good job That's the bad thing about doing those plugs up top Is that once you've done it You're like, oh, that was really good Now you can just check out the podcast Now I owe these dudes nothing I did my damn

The run See you later What are we doing today playing Brad Stallion in Sex Olympics? No, thank you I'm so excited for this That is what we are doing We're playing the 1990 point-and-fuck adventure game

Brad Stallion in Sex Olympics It is the final installment In the Brad Stallion saga Which is something I learned Looking into this There were four games concluding this one It started with Sex Vixens from Space Okay, good name

Perfect, perfect Planet of Lust, less good But they end strong with Bride of the Robot Which is pretty good Made an honest woman out of her I guess they ended strong with He's like ready to settle down with a nice robot How good would it be if he just had one title

Where he didn't fuck anybody He was just like solving crimes or something The coffee shop murders Brad Stallion is on a dry spell One grim noir entry in the Brad Stallion Space sex genre Presented by Va Va Voom, I believe Brad Stallion takes up adult kickball

This was Brad Stallion in Sex Olympics Specifically What's a terrible game by any standards If you've played it or are familiar with it It's not time being unkind for it They absolutely hated it when it came out Got the lowest ratings of the series Which was also very lowly rated

And man, you have to really account for the time period Like in 1990, there was like two games for you to come If you were somebody looking to come And you gave this game a negative review That was it You shoot yourself in your foot, yeah The graphics of this are so bad These little tiny digitized heads

They kind of like They'll take some vintage pornography And they'll scan it And then just have no one touch it up Faces are just nose-less smears of static They look like background characters in Pit Fighter But less sexy than I'm making it sound Yeah, I've come to Pit Fighter

I could come to Pit Fighter Crochet pixelation Right, where they literally just took an image And they're like, whatever color that region is Make a pixel of that color Don't overthink this The main character is a blonde mustache On blonde skin

So he's just kind of like a hot dog monster Like, I don't know They just kind of got some orange and tan shapes And just fucking masturbation Should be suffering And they were right to do so See, every time I play this game I stare into it like that scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Where Cameron looks at the painting Where it just becomes abstraction to me But the difference is At the end you cut back to Abe And his face is mashed against the screen He's actually getting closer to the scene I'm so close He just needs those titties

I love how this came about Because we started a thread And we're four steps in And just like, sex video games somehow came up And then I, someone looked up sex video games I was like, this one looks weird The point being, some of you have familiarity To some degree with this

No idea for anything about it Other than a pixelated image of titties That I saw and saved and covered And whispered to at night But man, I'm so excited to learn about Brad Stallion's legend Yeah, he's so good Ain't memory a son of a bitch

It was you that suggested this I didn't want to claim it by accident But I thought it might be, yeah It was you, you were like, I need this You guys, I need this Of course, we found it almost instantly Because this is what we do So now we're gonna, we're gonna give you what you need

Swim, we're gonna, we're gonna get you there By the end of this podcast That's how I found it, I used to I knew straight to go to the MS-DOS section On internet archive I didn't even Google, I just went right there And was like, yep, you're gonna have it They don't have everything

Well, you're not normal men You have, you know, doctorates In cultural dumpster diving That's true I gave this game Two hours of my life Okay, this brings up another point You weren't supposed to play it

And you know you cheated I did both of those things So did Sean I have the manual open right now I had to play it In the process of cheating That's okay We'll make our own rules

I want to make a point though The manual brags a lot about How you don't have to type in this game And it's kind of like Like, oh hey, you don't have to do that typing In the parser, all that bullshit All you have to do is use your mouse But it's also kind of wink wink implied

That like, hey, so you have your other hand free But like, all of the jerk off parts Of the game are static images of Like old timey naked ladies So like, there's no need for controls When you're looking at a picture You don't have to blink to it But you could, you could click

Like, eat titty, eat titty Over and over and over again It won't do anything in the game But like, that's part of the immersion Right? I'm just saying take your hand off the mouse And indulge, like, treat yourself Both hands

Help the balls Can I just say the one article For HotDark so far, Naka would Was Of course, because I got to do my due diligence I did Because I was constantly The conundrum is like, how do you jerk off

Because you're holding two things That are requisite for like controlling The environment and I tried And it is tough Because the games require I mean, otherwise it becomes a static image If you stop controlling it Because usually it's a, you know, model of a woman

That you're tugging on like joint points Right And then you pull her around like a sex mannequin Right, like when you're putting the corpse in the trunk Very ironic Yes, so I guess my point is Jerking off to Brad Stallion Slash VR porn

It feels like operating way too much at once It's like jerking off while driving A traditional stick shift car Just settle down That's how I do it, baby With a lot of knobs I think that's what we're doing here today By playing through it in the audio format

You at home will have Both hands free to Up the walls as we You've solved it That's why we do Let's Plays Of these terrible, terrible porn games Fellas, this is the hottest podcast Oh my god

We're already going too far We haven't even started Okay, so Brad Stallion In Sex Olympics The plot of this game If you need that for some reason Is that Brad Stallion's Long time nemesis Dr. Dildo

I guess Great name Because that's what women use to replace Brad Stallion That means he's our villain The crux of the game is that Dr. Dildo Has entered the Sex Olympics First, so he's already in there And now they come to you

To outfuck him You're the only one who can outfuck him Why is my immediate problem with it That he's a doctor but he's not using his mental prowess He's using his physical prowess Why is that what I'm fixated on See, I keep thinking of Why is it because he's absolutely right

But why is it that like in the Olympics People start at different points Like that doesn't feel like That's how the Olympics should be I have an important question Do these women know they're a part of the Sex Olympics Like are they In on it or is the Sex Olympics

Like you've got to go seduce those women They have no idea the Sex Olympics are going on Do you know you're the Decathlon Right, do you know you're the hurdles Ladies What is the game I've been called the long jump pit But not a hurdle

It's also explained Not explained why You have to cock block Dr. Dildo In the Sex Olympics It seems like he's doing his own thing And just entered what is registered As a space sport Are there not enough holes in this town

Also a little redundant My understanding is the Olympics is kind of The Sex Olympics already I don't think this game Fucks as much as the real Olympics As the real Olympics, yeah My understanding of Dr. Dildo Is also that he is very sad

Like he's always being Like I didn't Fuck Because Brad did He'll do like galactic wide announcements About how he didn't fuck The entire solar system I didn't get to fuck today

I didn't get to fuck That brings up My absolute favorite part of this game Which is the difficulty slider Now it comes with three difficulties Easy, medium and hard And that's because The difficulty slider is entirely

Dictated by how much Either of you, you or Dr. Dildo Are okay with sloppy seconds I'm not even kidding That's exactly what I was putting in Easy, going on easy mode Means that Brad Stallion Is totally chill with picking up after

Dr. Dildo But Dr. Dildo is not cool With Cheresee, so if you fuck somebody He's like, no dude, that's gross, I'm out Wait, also it's not that you Are like, I don't really want you to come on my dick It's that you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah Come on my dick, and they're like, no

No, I block you from doing that I bar you from that The default setting of the game Is, yeah, we're both down to clown We just, you know Well, a hole is a hole And if there's room for both of us, so be it It's a cruel enough universe

That sometimes you just need to be Okay with a hole And uh What deep thoughts We're getting into Thank you, I hope this make our movie Give us money for that That's in the movie

That's a line, that's a quote from the movie Yeah, thank you for weaving all these Lines from our movie Papa Bear seamlessly Into the episode so far You're welcome, it was a lot of Tough work Is it too late to add a sex olympics to Papa Bear? Uh, no

We can add that as one of the tears on our cross That's a good idea We have to remove the drug carnival It's a little redundant, but yeah We could also, like There's nothing stopping us cause we're live At any point, add an incentive That it's like, and at the end of Papa Bear

We're gonna have a big sex party And then just Say that and say, give us Money for that I'll just say to all of our investors out there There is something stopping us from doing that And it's me blocking you like Dr. Tildo Yeah

That's true And it's hard mode The law, it's uh Generally speaking It's not legal to uh To do that Or at least against the terms of service Is pregnancy ever an issue in this game?

Are they worried about A Maury Povich situation When all the cum is mixed up in there? No, it's, I mean I think everybody just assumes it's either It's you or Dr. Tildo So maybe Dr. Tildo's Seems like the guy that's getting stuck with childhood

No one else is fucking in this world I think the ladies Time it with their cycles So they're not ovulating during the sex Olympics Like making love to their wife This game has that president's seal at the beginning Old arcade games used to have

But this one just says the rhythm method works Hard mode Means that It's fucking Fluffy seconds are not cool Dr. Tildo You can't take yours, you can't take his And also the items

Become randomized I think on easy they're not And they become more randomized Or perhaps it's just more spread out as you go Which was a hell of a curveball For early games It wasn't often that a randomized element Was there to

To make it a fucking roguelike Right Penis roguelike over here It's gotta be because it's the fourth one They like finally introduced an interesting Gameplay element Alright You grab an apple

And you give it to a person later I know that's how all point and clicks kind of work But like they're so simplistic It's literally like the planet over So I'm thinking here Because We have multiple members Who have told me at the start of this podcast

Oh right we cheated And are going to continue to cheat The goal of sex olympics Is to bang Ten times total So it's like My four years in college But we're going to change that

We're going to say Your goal is now to forge A meaningful Relationship With one of the women Which we'll define We'll define as Knowing

Something about her Knowing like two things Three things about her That are not The question is Does the game even allow for that Or are you cheating I'm trying to think back rapidly

Because you told me at the start I have a question If we have to know three things about her Can I count her titties as two of them No Damn it Okay Titties are one of them

I guess her feelings Ari Brad Stallion and or Dr. Dildo's penis Can count as two I would like for the third to be Just anything Absolutely any External context about her life

So let's play hard mode We have to learn three non-physical things about her And You can't take a lot of seconds Of course We did exclusively virgins Going first is good So you'll be

It's a race once it starts Dr. Dildo starts fucking his way through space And you have to get there first Or he will He will take all of your holes He will occupy all of your holes As Sean mentioned earlier It's not quite text based

They advertise that a lot in the manual You won't believe we got her into the parser It is text based It's just worse You can go left, right, forward, backward And then there's a series of icons That are Take, drop, touch

Give, use Go Look, kiss Talk, eat Screw And this is important, jack off I'm not getting All the rest of these commands require

An olinguist button No, there's a need button So all the rest of these require a secondary Sure, they need it There's also a human head There's a human head in your inventory named Sandy I thought that was weird That's your computer assistant

Who is supposed to give you tips, but she's also an idiot Because this game doesn't respect women So do with that what you will Your commodities to be competed over All of your commands Need a secondary input Talk to somebody You'll have to eat something

You can just jack off whenever you want So it's, you know, like life Jack off is an independent motion Does warn you Doesn't it say something where it's like You should have saved that Seaman Is there an ammo system?

Can we run out? No It's infinite ammo It's just like life It's infinite ammo, but you It does shame you It's like a refractory period, sure It's like a shield in Halo

You need a little time Everybody will call you a punk Okay, we're going with hard We're going to start the game You are in a gaudy looking hotel room And sure enough, it is gaudy Because it's got a visual element A single hotel bed

There's a phone There's a card on a table There's a space shuttle There's a letter on the floor And what looks like Sean's everyday outfit On the bed Okay, so then we're Talking

Bright blue panties And a lightning bolt red t-shirt That's exactly right I'm cheated Yeah, but you didn't have to for that one That's also what I'm wearing All right, so you got all of your commands What are we doing first?

My gut is to go for the old sniff panties Screw bed, jackoff, trifecta Cry, cry, cry, and game Well, we did There are ladies to fuck Michael We need to get a close-on And go outside

We don't want to blow the back out of her Let's jerk off right here There's the standard point of quick stuff Touch, talk to, eat Kiss, screw, jackoff Screw, take, drop Okay There's no woman in the room, right?

No, there's no woman in the room Apparently your clothes A letter, an ID card Let's eat the letter Yes, so there's no reading Eat the letter Eat Let's try talking to the letter

Can't talk to it, now let's Eat the letter, eat what? Eat the letter Eat the letter Sandy slaps that out of your hand Saying you should not eat everything you see She's cold So Sandy can slap

She has everything I thought she was saying that too Let's see if we can Let's cut to the chase here, guys Kiss Sandy You are unable or get this Unwilling to kiss that We're gonna be a plus kill

I think we got the D They didn't change the default Kiss error code For your own human head Come on That's lazy Nobody's gonna try fucking the human head What is this?

1990 was truly a more innocent time Ridiculous I'm gonna see if you can screw her Screw every pixel in the room Hold on Sandy is consumed in a frenzy of mind-blowing Passion is what it says So you can't kiss her

And it won't even let you But her rule is no kissing That's her thing You just have to know that about Sandy You can't mean anything To her is the rule But you can put a thing in her Wait I forgot our goal is to have a

Relationship with someone You just fucked We talked to Sandy And something about her is my question That's our real goal That's your goal Let's talk to Sandy Hi I'm Sandy

I'll help you as much as I can End of statement That isn't a relationship I don't know what it is I'll help you as much as I can Which is not at all She slapped that letter out of our mouth That's something

She has one rule No mouth stuff Talking, eating, don't eat me Don't eat anything, don't kiss me I don't even know what You gave me that mouth icon I'm gonna fucking slap everything out of it Alright what are we doing here

Slowly back out of the room Okay you want to leave the room Sure Alright let's go I think we're still naked if our clothes are on the bed That's fine, it's a great way to meet people We'll give you something to talk about We have left the room

Outside your hotel room You can see big thruster In the distance That is your dick shaped spaceship The air Smells fresh and clean I feel like making a dick shaped Rocket is kind of like

As Swain would say It's a dick on a dick I think it's already Well it's a dick on some balls It also feels like they're overcompensating To say the air is fresh and clean It doesn't smell like a Borno theater at all You're not doing something gross

It smells good There's no cum like in the air You're fine Only your cum buddy That's right After like the 8th woman it's gonna be like This is starting to smell pretty rank Maybe you should space shower

Alright we're outside We got a dick shaped rocket In the distance what's around us There's only a fuel depot To the right and a hotel to the left Which is where you just came from Let's just fuel it up and go to the stars baby Hold on I want to talk about the city planet for a second

What the fuck They put a fuel depot next to a dick rocket Next to a hotel I imagine you landed the dick rocket The dick rocket's mobile right It's a rocket You didn't have this hotel in your hometown Right

They got it out by the launch pad It's kind of like space It's like for space truckers You got a big fuel depot And then you got a hotel and then you know I'm not a rocket scientist But I don't think you should put your fuel depot Next to the launch pad

Yeah that's fair enough It is right next to it You don't know what the fuck you're talking about Because you're not a rocket scientist That's true it's true I'm more of a dick rocket guy I'm like I'm a scientist and I

I know exactly what I'm talking about sir Look Sean I've known you a long time Your dick's been to space what three four times Max? A good chunk of it's still there Come on The middle part I don't know how you hold it together

When you look up to the sky and make a wish It might be Sean Baby's sports game And it will grant that wish Went to use the fuel depot to gas up You notice people are staring at you You wonder why You look around and see nothing out of the ordinary You look down and see Big Thruster

Oops Oh our dick is named Big Thruster as well Oops this is not your day And then it's jumped to Okay so directly in the background I can see Big Thruster Which means we have not moved very far There's a police woman

Which I am interpreting very liberally And she is pointing At a little building with a hand Written sign that says Jail on top of it Oh we went to jail So apparently in this town There is a fuel depot

A big dick shaped rocket A hotel and then a jail cell right next to it And that's it Jail designed by the architect Of clubhouse no girls allowed I am blown away and delighted That in this 1990s game for sex creeps If you try to be a sex creep

They're like no no You can't do that That's creepy I have sex with the cops That might change what Mike just said No it's just kind of speeding us right through We're arrested for indecent exposure Will be required to spend some time in jail

It says you put your hands in the air You find yourself locked in jail with nothing to do But think about all the mistakes That you have made And what's the score? Has Dr. Dildo fucked anyone yet? Please I gotta know Please stand by for a galaxy wide broadcast

Message follows Dr. Dildo has made it with Griselda No Results so far Dr. Dildo is winning Brad has zero Brad has one Brad has Okay this is not fair

Brad has Sandy you fucked the human head in your inventory You exposed yourself to a female police officer That's like a quarter That's like a quarter of a point I think we know one thing already About a woman because I bet That announcement made Griselda Very sad

Galaxy wide announcement Dr. Dildo is the son of a bitch Yeah Just announcing shit To the galaxy Galaxy is so expansive Just imagining some alien creature On a dirt farm

Farthest from the galaxy Learning that oh okay Who is Griselda I mean Dr. Dildo I can reason out Yeah It's obviously Who you become after Mr. Butler drinks his potion

Should have sent a poet Man should have sent a poet We're back in our hotel room And now the game has put our clothes Leaning against the door Like hand in I truly thought we would be doing Olympics

Like hurdles with our dick and stuff It's incredible that we're trying to have sex With all of space apparently That's the cutest thing I've ever heard Yeah That's so fucking awesome What does it look like though Like when you say sex Olympics

Like really paint the picture for me Like You know that quap game Where you finally control all your limbs Like that and you're fucking Then the judges Like your helicopter dick thing I feel like you know this

That kind of just a minigame Cause I find most sex games have Even less care than this Like the VR sex games I was playing for y'all Was like shoot five ninjas in the head A hard cut to your fucking miss woman And back and forth and back and forth This is like

There's systems underlying the gameplay I'm frankly blown away Hey this was In 1990 it took a lot To make us come back then We did not have internet porn Like the dance Was all of it baby

Just coming will you furrow your brow Oh the strategy it's the strategy I love the idea that Brockway is just Going to go on a tangent about Today these days we just come willy nilly All over the kids Wanting coming It's really hard if you grew up pre-internet

To not bring it up when you see The world kids live in today Like god I had to work so hard for this you sons of Uphill both ways cranking it Yeah now you could just go Give me a woman pretending to be my biological mother Seeing those exact words

Right into the camera And you will be spoiled for Choice oh my god Can I get that Can you get that for me I wonder if there's anything We haven't cut yet Welcome to the show

Let's see Take it from the top Falling through the atmosphere Eating ass the butt park Yeah no it's all cut you're right Pretty normal day on the downtown Alright I'm taking Our clothes and we're going to

Go ahead And leave the hotel room again I think it just dresses us Automatically now that we have Clothes Very eerily similar to the opening of disco Elysium which is I didn't think those words were

They got their inspiration from Brad Stallion and set to limbo What's your name was Brad Stallion That mean we're back in the room with the Panis in the letter Yes I've taken the clothes and got you back to The room you were in with the fuel Depot I'm going to go ahead and fuel up the

Rocket Okay thanks I didn't use the clothes I didn't use the clothes for you We're under arrest again Damn it This is going to be our Defense is I have clothes

Now you said I have to get clothes I have though I have an idea I bet the third I bet the third time we get caught naked The police woman will have sex with us We got to try it Attention

Please stand by for a galaxy wide Broadcast Dr. Dildo has made it With Momonga So he is What sounds like two cave women Momonga my love Well we have had sex with our own

With our pet severed human head And then gone to jail twice He is banging his way through the plant Just railing his way through the Clan of Cape Bear We're getting in No one has given thought to how this made Momonga feel

We're so Far from knowing An actionable fact about the lives Of like Momonga try to say one thing You know about her nothing you got nothing We can do better Well that's not true you know the police woman

Doesn't like it when you go outside naked The police woman might be how we break this I'll count that She might just be doing her job If it was up to me you'd be hanging Dung all day pal She's our most robust relationship so far I answer to the mayor

The mayor who allowed the city to be planned With a fuel depot right next to the motel In the launch pad I know you want to fuel up with your dick out We all do it's the best It's so liberating but He's goddamn fucking Nanny state bullshit

Alright you got dressed This time now you're in your hotel I do want to try it let's get naked one more time Oh god I feel like she's going to take the hint Dropping clothes Drop clothes This is the logic of these games guys

I've played these before Oh it doesn't let us Drop what where Drop what where Just click it on the ground I'm clicking on the ground There it goes it just took a while Eat these pants Sandy

We have no need of this I don't think it can do Three things so we're going to do Eat Sandy Sandy is consumed in a frenzy of Mind-blowing passion Finally

So the head does have an asshole Or just like Maybe that's what the neck hole is for The action eat sandy Asshole sounds really unpleasant Alright We've dropped our clothes We're going to go

Back outside And see if this police woman Likes it We have room to do one thing While we're out here before she busts us I know that much so what are we doing Jerk off It's the only single unit

Action that's reflexive Yup you're right Jack off You notice people are staring at you You wonder why blah blah blah You're looking down at the big thruster We're naked and jerking off In public for like the third time today

And we're wondering why people are looking at us Also he can't get hard When people are looking at him He's a space fucker Like that's what he does Attention please stand by For a galaxy wide broadcast No

Dr. Dildo has made it with Ing Ing Investment firm Dr. Dildo landed He's breaking the prime directive He's landed on a primitive planet and using his advanced technology To rail every Neanderthal He's found

Griselda, Malanga, Ing I'm much respect I bring you fire What do you want for it? Oh you'll see You'll see very soon I can't It honestly stings every time I realize how much it would hurt

The Dr. Dildo It's more that he announces it's new Alex they want an announcement I'm fucking again I do feel like we're way behind Like we're losing a race Take clothes, use clothes Take clothes, use clothes, use fuel depot

Use rocket, we got it That sounds like a plan Let's get to space and fuck some space Use fuel depot Fill in the big thruster with gas For another journey and another conquest There you go and we're going to go Big thruster

We are inside the big thruster You are seated in the captain's chair at the controls of big thruster The interactive view screen is before you And sure enough it is It's showing us what looks like A child's best try at drawing the galaxy Just There are three

That appears like there are three earths A couple of green blobs There's a bright yellow blob With a little belt Maybe it's going for a hamburger Nope, nope, that's a McChicken There's a McChicken blob McChicken planet

That's gotta be where the monkey lives And an angry red planet That looks like it has Maybe it has a kind of a butt hole What kind Alright, so I've been slowing it to one I know how you do this, you text my manga

Hey, what up girl Right here, just looking for someone to chow Some dinner with Then if she doesn't respond, you text Hey, my manga, you frigid bitch What the fuck This is how it's done Well, you'll have to do whatever the caveman equivalent

Of texting me Wait, what difficulty setting are we on? I forget You're hard So no sloppy seconds No, you will So no manga and anime are out And Griselda

And I'm assuming the police woman Is gonna be Non-fuckable character And NFC, yeah So you're free down You're losing choice here We need an uncharted planet that hopefully has someone on it That Dildo has not yet got to

Should we just pick a random planet Or what are they called I would guess McChicken nugget Or red butt hole This is the One is the planet Hyvernia There's the planet Arboria There's the planet

Agua Agua is A rock planet It's Spanish to rock There's Earth where you just came from So I guess this is our source What? Okay The lore is deep

We didn't know a lot In 1990, but we were pretty confident About it That's Hyvernia up there That's Agua Also, I just a huge writing fail That they're not sex puns So easy to turn

Uranus is already in our solar system You spoke too soon Here's the planet Ramu Great, thank you Here's the planet Dildonia And the planet Primordial I'm assuming that's That's where Dr. Dildo is spending all of his time

That's Ing's planet And the planet Medial This was written by Carl Sagan You guys know that You go to Primordial and you fight Tlechtalac Or whatever Then you shift into cosmology No, this was

This was Marl Sagan Carl Sagan's failure of a brother It's like his Randy Quaid He was a bus pervert Not a science guy There is still There's still a science to it If you will

You still had that poetic You say that like Bus Pirates Bus Pirates can't be Science people And they can, I can assure you of that How many people have seen my dick You ask billions And billions

So hold on Having read Through the walkthroughs And played it a little bit On each planet There's only a few that you can actually Defeat without grabbing some sort of Randomized item

So it's Hivernia Arboria and Agua I think Arboria Trees are good This is where Timothy Dalton lived In Flash Gordon Let's go fuck Timothy Dalton

You're not helping our chances Nope I've clicked the wrong one I guess It said that was Arboria We're heading towards Medial We arrive in no time at all but we can just go somewhere else We're going to Arboria Arboria

Arboria There we go Arboria With a thruster as big as this You arrive in no time at all Nice There's a little icon on the left Zipper

They use the word arrive When come means the same thing At every turn They're missing easy This is their first time fucking This is how they think it's going To fuck you have to program A small adventure game

That's step one Now you need to hop over A little golly or chasm Come on it's right there Alright We are on Arboria I hit the unzip button Which is how you leave the big thruster

I guess I get it Not quite My dick unzipped I'm so rude That one's kind of embarrassing Of all the things we've done so far That was the one that's maybe the most humiliating I hope my monga doesn't find out about that

Oh god We're in some sort of forest That planet doesn't look like There's much here except for a snake On one of the trees Please become heavy handed Biblical nonsense Eat the snake says the cheater

Let's find out what happens As you reach for the snake It strikes and sinks its fangs into you Attention Please stand by for a galaxy wide project I was really Cheating on that one Dr. Dildo

Has made it With Agnes God damn it Not Agnes Jesus It's so bad It's like step on rake I have fucked everyone in the galaxy

Good for you I'm trying What were you doing while I was making it With Agnes I was dying to a snake bite Eat hornets I tried to eat a snake I was like

That's erotic Is Agnes okay? Dr. Dildo is winning Brad has 0 Dr. Dildo has 4 The smell of a dense tropical jungle Is the only thing you notice as you struggle back to your feet We just got

Put in jail several times And it got bit by a snake We traversed the cosmos To get bitten by a snake We lost a bite contest Did the snake scurry away? Or is it just chilling there? It's not afraid of you

It knows exactly how to handle it Bite him again I'll bite him again You reach for the snake It stumbles and sinks its fangs into you Attention Please stand by for a galaxy wide project Dr. Dildo

He's made it with Aisha Dr. Dildo is winning Brad has 0 It's an instant Like I guess the toxin knocks us out For long enough for him to make it Every time you're like Delayed by something

Talk to snake please Every time you do something wrong Dr. Dildo fucks Let's just leave Let's go to Agnes man Talking to the snake What about the snake? That does nothing

You can't talk to the snake It says what about the snake I'll try talking to it again Maybe I didn't click on the right pixel The snake stares at you The snake stares at you I guess that's it It has not the capacity for speech

I gather I think we mesmerized it with that talking Let's eat it again Oh You won't believe this As you reach for the snake it strikes And thinks it's fainting to you Please stand by for a galaxy-wide broadcast

Message to follow Until the end of this podcast Dr. Dildo is looking for some batteries Okay Okay guys I don't want to get too excited But this is an opportunity for us He's fallen a step behind

This is our time We've finally entered His refractory period Where you fucked up so often Okay hold on He clicks succession He fucked five women in a row And he's tired and that's our chance

Dr. Dildo is looking for some batteries Is how he describes everything That's when he's hungry Dr. Dildo is looking for some batteries Gotta fuel up Looking for that McChicken A giant McChicken in space Found my six volt battery

He's gone with it And then blah blah blah dense tropical jungle He announced that to the galaxy? He used the galaxy-wide announcement for that Well so far he's used it to announce That he banged five women Despite you so now he's just kind of feeling like He owns it

At least we've all been there We're really excited to talk about it Some sexual conquest But if you're just looking for batteries I don't think that's not a galaxy-wide Announcement moment Also I think I'm very casual

I think he has us under his thrall Like he is our dictator or something Like we have to listen to it Well after he's banged five women And broadcasted on space twitter I mean yeah King of the world I have made it with a woman

Alright what are we doing here In the jungle It feels like there's nothing to interact with But the snake, can you confirm that There's your ship that you can use to leave And the snake and then Of course all of your commands There's left, right, forward, back, take

There are pathways in the jungle that will lead to You can just move If it lets you move in a direction It lets you move in a direction Is there an apple in two nude humans? No If you're the guy floating in the sky Oh that would be amazing

But he's only there to give galaxy-wide announcements You're going to find God And he's going to be like Dr. Dildo has made it with He's made it with Bunga Bunga He's got a problem So cool guy I'll tell you what

It's just becoming the sad tale of Brad Stallion Right Mashed that right button Alright we've gone Right now there's another snake There's not your ship And there are two batteries here

You can stick it Eat the new snake Eat the new snake Alright let's eat the new snake I thought we were going to take the batteries To stick it to Dr. Dildo But let's try eating that snake again That's what makes it a game

You reach for the snake And it strikes and sinks its fangs into your attention Please stand by for a galaxy-wide announcement Dr. Dildo has made it with Crystal With some turns You can't say we're not trying our hardest though Brad has zero Dr. Dildo has six

He's made it with Agatha Germaine and Jack With the whole old Bismarcky crew And he picked up some batteries He's living the high life Great gets, be playing it I guess pick up batteries Alright let's pick the batteries

And then fucking announce it on Twitter Dr. Dildo Found a galaxy Found some batteries Dr. Dildo Guess who's doing it now We took the batteries And I guess we were pretty chill about it

That's it Wait was there a third thing? Snake, batteries, jungle, that's all That's it Just a snake and some batteries You can go right or back Oh further right or back Let's keep going

Let's push into the brush Okay go right again Alright now we are It says you move to the right You keep searching but all seems to be in vain However it is a new screen There is now a tree here with a bunch of apples on it Ah god damn it

Get those apples, yeah Get Apples, alright Tell the galaxy Make an announcement We just found four apples Well I was going to ask If you can screw an apple

Cause then we can announce we have made it with an apple We have made it Let's try it, alright screw Apple Come on baby Youch it says Youch Wearing clothes and making love

Is not a good idea Things tend to get caught in the zipper You know what Good on ya Honestly that's grounded realism Okay so let's whip that dick out And fuck this apple We have a plan

Step by step game Let's talk you through it What the game wants you to do Is drop clothes on ground Yeah baby Fuck me real quick in this photo booth Alright I got to laboriously Remove all my clothing

And drop it straight on the ground Okay Now we're gonna Should we mash the apple first Should we like turn it into an apple sauce And then screw the apple sauce If you like that's what we're doing Yeah okay

We'll get the apple sauce after This is how you create the apple sauce item Screw this apple You horny little devil You cannot screw that I can't You little devil You impish little maniac

Well we're dick ass naked in a space jungle And Dr. Dildo is shaming us with The caveman Damn Yeah watch that the next galactic Announcement be Dr. Dildo has made it with an apple Fuck

It weighs on me It weighs on me bad Alright so we're What ass naked our clothes are on the ground Let me take this last apple here And then Do you think the snake would bite us on the dick Should we try to have sex with the snake

We tried to have sex We tried to eat the snake We haven't tried to kiss or screw Alright let's Okay I think you got all the apples Kiss the snake You guys aren't saying it But I'm going to

Take the clothes with us You don't have to get dressed So we can make love to the snake Go back left What do you want to do with the snake Screw Which means we have to take off the clothes again I didn't put them back on

You're still naked now You're just carrying them under your arm Under when I'm hiking through the jungle With the bundled clothes and your dick out And you're going to put it in the snake Since you removed your clothes The snake strikes whatever is closest In this case big thruster

The shock I think that counts That's a blow job Make the announcement Tell the galaxy Turn it around the horn Attention Please stand by for a galaxy-wide broadcast

Dr. Dildo has made it with Priscilla Damn it Dr. Dildo is winning Brad has zero, Dr. Dildo has seven Was that Patrick Stoisey Was Priscilla Or is that John Leguizamo I can't remember

I think Priscilla was in all of us I think it was an audience surrogate Kind of thing Oh right, okay Like an I Am Spartacus thing I thought Wesley Snipes was the hottest But I thought he was The most aggressive which means I completely agree

With you He'd fuck a snake Fortunately the snake wasn't poisonous You spring awake ready for battle I Would like to at least once in this game Do the classic point and click thing And combine items

So may we Give apple to snake I think that's all we got Let's see where's give And then while that's distracted we fuck it And screw snake It says can't give that here Can't give that here

Can't give that here I mean it would be an easy puzzle Give snake You can't give that here Okay Is there eat Eat apple Let's go

We'll accomplish one goddamn thing You eat the apple The world spins and goes black Attention Broadcast to follow Dr. Dildo Let's look into some batteries Okay

But why What the hell did Priscilla do It was a space apple God Dr. Dildo Why won't they fuck us What did we do wrong Okay so far you haven't actually even seen a woman

Aside from the police officer Let's go deeper in the jungle Let's see if there's a jungle lady living there Dr. Dildo is looking for some batteries that he hid Aha found my 9 volt batteries Now I can get on with it as the blackness lifts That the apple tasted strange You're back in the jungle

He's just bragging about how many batteries he has I'm gonna play so much game here Like he's just joylessly Fucking his way through space Just to humiliate you I think the implication that I'm getting is He's dildoing all of these women Right

And that's like sacrilege because It should be your penis but this son of a bitch That's right Or he's a charming British dildo man Now I can get on with it Alright what are we doing They still don't like describe the women Like he didn't bang the beautiful

Grizzelda or the vivacious Priscilla The available Priscilla The existent mamunga Not very sober Ing The thinks when it thunders

God is yelling Mamunga Alright What are we doing in this jungle So far we've flown into space After getting arrested three times on earth For space perversion We've flown into space to the jungle

Tried to eat Fuck and talk to a snake And then been consistently shamed over Social media by a man You're not doing well I didn't realize it until you recapped it But that's like the full gamut of the human experience I know I'm ready to

Replicate college for me This is exactly how college works Can you go back home To the hotel and just go to sleep Just give up There's an end game button We can hit that We do have two batteries

Just hit the jack off button until you bleed out Yeah Let's just go to the beach Playing it I hit the jack off button You put your mind and hand to the task at hand When you get off A feeling of great relief washes over you

You wish it would also wash your hands Maybe it would have been wiser To save those vital bodily fluids For the ongoing mission Yes This is actually training material For that no-fap group Who are we kidding

Your semen retention powers are allowing you That's right To lose this fight repeatedly to a snake Let's Keep going to the jungle We gotta find a lady in here Alright, go right Let's go right again

We're back to that orchard That's as far right as we can go Attention Jesus Christ Please stand by for a galaxy-wide broadcast Dr. Dildo has made it With a lot of love One of these things is not like the other

You fucked a grandma Eight cavemen and then a bond lady Did you say the orchard is as right as you can go? Yes, you're at the far So one right is as right as you can go Two, you've gone two right Oh, because the rocket is the screen There's no women in the jungle

Yeah, there's no women on this planet Like, what is this game? Is this game not supposed to In every way to a point where you see titties? Because we're not Yeah See, you have to remember that It's a point and click adventure game

And therefore it's all bullshit It's all designed Not to play on logic Or puzzle solving But however a fucking lunatic madman Who has never designed a game before Thinks a puzzle might look To an idiot, which I guess he thinks you are

So it's a lot of like Go here and then push the button Oh, you weren't upside down Stand on your head and push the button Like real pedantic You're in like a random maze, right? Yes, but I think almost Every planet is a random maze

Of course It's a really bad game Yeah, that's one of my most hated mechanics Yep And the whole galaxy is it Alright, we're back at your ship At least so that's the center screen You can wander around

Like trying to make love to women After she found out you'd made this game Like, if I made this game And I found it The first thing that would cross my mind Is I have to kill her before she gets to her phone Yes She can't tell anyone of this

Continuing our long tradition Of not having this in the podcast I love my wife I'm not planning on murdering my wife I'm just saying That the man who designed this game Has murdered every woman who has come close Yes, yeah, I guess that's true

I believe it We are here then We are burning up time here I think when left to your own devices We have satisfied The exact way that you would fuck your way through space Which is to say you would get lost In a forest and die to Snakebite

Yeah I think that's probably solid So we're gonna go ahead I'm gonna take you to I'm gonna go in the big thruster here We're just giving up on Jungle Planet Yeah Game Daddy is gonna bring us to a point

So far You've gotten just absolutely dunked on by Dr. Dildo Like 15 times While failing to seduce Level one Person we fuck The equivalent of the boars That we're supposed to fight

Or did we get to know someone Or form any human connection We're just a drift alone in a snake-bitten Space jungle I think Vonnegut said that That's beautiful you guys Was that also from your movie? And he was fucking at the time

Which was cool Yeah, he's a cool guy Somehow The game is somehow busted Because I tried to get you back to your ship from the jungle And it says You were arrested for indecent exposure And it has flashed you back to Earth

And the policewoman pointing at the jail Maybe it's like If you don't have your clothes on Just the outcome of that Who's coming on? The snake? The fucking snitch It's a pretty good fast travel glitch

Let's go back to the The fucking snake planet I got some words for that The fucking snake He tried to screw me I'm so scared I think it's more a case of Public welfare

He was worried about you He hit me on my dick Damn I don't think he knows where he is He's been sitting here Trying to fucking apple He didn't try and fail the fucking apple in front of the snake Fair enough

What a man does in his own time You were in the jail She came all the way to the space jungle Found you half dead from snake bite And arrested you Attention Attention galaxy wide Broadcast Dr. Dildo is looking

For some fucking batteries again Fucking Rats they're gone he says Now I have to wait while I recharge Oh did we steal his batteries? Fuck yeah I think this is some nofap shit And this game is designed to entrap

Horny dudes and then just Stimey like humiliate you Into never being able to masturbate again That's what this is Yeah that's pretty much Alright I'm gonna get you To And you're fucking

Thanks Robert Thank you Robert It's real good I forgot to put the gloves back on Are you naked in that jail cell? Okay are you serious I literally just let you out of jail Wait oh my god

We almost learned something about it We almost just won Attention Dr. Dildo has Made it with Cyrena Results so far Dr. Dildo Has 9 There's one woman left In the entire world

That you could Potentially feasibly fuck Named like Irma or some shit By default By default it's gotta be the police woman Yeah she's the only lady left Alright are we putting on these clothes Let's put on these clothes

Quickly get dressed You know something amazing You get into The I think you have fuel left You do have some fuel left Alright you're gonna go to McChicken Planet

Hivernia Alright we're just playing for pride right We can only get the one lady I'm not even sure I'm not sure which ladies are there I've not been taking notes I'm gonna unzip our spaceship So that we can come out here

Alright it looks like you fucking Crash landed in a river You lose consciousness As your head hits the dashboard Galaxy wide announcement You're not Super great you're kind of a mess We've established that

The snake has from the overhead compartment I'm worried about you I followed you It's a cry for help Also I just can't say enough The image of a penis Unzipping from the side And the sperm just falling out

Of the side of it It's gonna hot me forever now Well uh Programmers that's your next VR game Let us experience that I'm not sure why it has you Just got my default crash fucking penis tip first Into a river

There's a bunch of fields around And some giant beehives One of which has a door in it Oh I know what I'm doing to that door Do it man I know what I'm doing to that door What are you doing to the door Let's fuck the door

Screw the door huh Alright screw the beehive Seconded Yee Ouch It says Oh my god Lose the clothes Do you think she'll arrest us

For getting naked on the bee planet It's always It's always a game It's everywhere man Alright let's drop the clothes And fuck a beehive We always knew it would end like this First of all

On all these alien planets All there is is like normal shitty animals From Earth that don't even talk We haven't seen an alien We haven't seen a single other Like sentient being Nothing happens when you screw a beehive They're like imagine

Imagine anything What if an apple but you couldn't eat it Yeah fuckers What if a snake but you couldn't fuck it What world are you from What if you went to an alien planet And a bee is there Cool

No Alright Go beehive Go beehive Let's go beehive You are inside the hive Hordes of identical women Line the walls and sure enough

Hell yes we can catch up Just ban 10 of them Terrible identical Clearly diseased women Just splotches all over They look like they have Fungus afros Things that look like that

I'm not sure what they're going for They stand there with their hands on their hips Like they are in a procession line Of judging your penis Nice They seek their fangs in your shoulder Alright we're butt ass naked In a hive full of lady fungus

What are we doing Should we give them the old talk Or kiss Well if they're pollinated like I feel like we should jerk off And whirl around right We gotta talk Alright

In space that second base You were talking to them Alright I didn't see that one Well we're trying to know stuff I guess I didn't really remember She whispers in your ear Some batteries are hidden on media Wow

Alright Slowly mess away That's fucking batteries This is a game entirely About battery collection And not fucking The pitch meeting was a dev Being like

Dildos kill batteries too fast Am I right Can we all agree on this This is where I started Does anyone know anything about women No just the battery thing It's way too fast No women in the video game

They're identical and they live in hives Is that right That sounds right I love how entrenched it is in the lore We gotta tell the player about Where the batteries are hidden How do we do that in the language of this world I don't know

Have one of the naked ladies say Where the batteries are It's real simple Design man never knew it was so easy Dr. Dildo has not fucked the last woman What are we doing here Should we talk to him How about give him a smooch

Just kiss Kiss and smooch It says In the same way it says You blow her a kiss She catches it and smiles I was not expecting it to be that tasteful Why are we being tasteful now

Because the sex Olympics Is on the line But she liked it She catches it and smiles it at you She does No We're not Before we try screwing

I'd like to try kissing The identical woman next to her See if there's any drama That's right Smooch I'm not ready to get tied down She catches it and smiles at you Truly identical

I don't like that she catches it Are we spitting at her I'm worried that Something got mistranslated You walked in naked and started blowing kisses At the fungus lady I think this is the closest we're ever going to get To an opportunity

Roll the dice We're screwing the fungus lady Pick one, one of the ones we haven't Any number, they're all the same Like, yeah You make love To one of the many beautiful women Yes

Nine more times She's like, my name's Eggman No No, it's not a second scape offer You can now think again But it won't be for long You can feel the blood rushing to your head Okay

Okay, so I wanted to do a fugue state So this is audio And I'm Were we rewarded with anything sexy Are we seeing No No, I read you

The entire, that was your sexy reward Is it okay if I came already No It's not okay Good thing I came before That is, this is like an awkward Dismount from this Much like every time I come

Alright Anything else you want to do here Yes, I have sexy Nine more Alright, we get to It's the identical thing I don't think they count as people Oh

We need a Like a named character You need a real woman, I guess it's saying Sex dolls don't count But somehow in the beehive there's a real woman Let's find her Wait, there's a real woman in the beehive Amazing, there's a few doors

You can go in Just keep going until we find her Alright, well welcome to the Second shitty random maze Oh my god At least there'll be naked women along the way Alright, we're gonna go Go to the door, okay

You were inside the hive Hordes of identical women line the wall Sean baby's exactly right Alright, left or right door I'm so demoralized You have no clue how much that ruined me We fucked We fucked someone

Alright, it doesn't count That one doesn't count She's just like a drone But I fell in love I was so invested I was so fucking invested You've tried to go forward, you stagger forward And then sit down, your head spins

You are so horny, there is no blood left for your brain Your eyes scan from left to right Looking for some way to relieve the pressure Wait, we're on a ticking clock From my dick scanner Amazing, yeah One of the things that the Developers knew about boners

They're like, okay, boners have blood Okay, okay, let's put it in the game Do we know anything else about sex? No, no It means a lot of fucking batteries I know a lot about us We can use that, we can use that I'm glad you're here

I'm so glad we hired a herpetologist When we formed this development team You jerk off, right If the idea is the pressure is building up In our horniness too much Let's jack off, alright You put your mind to the task at hand Jack off, we wish you would also wash your hands

Okay, pressure is off It works, we figured out One step to a puzzle So the idea is that just walking Through all these naked women has Driven us into a horny Even though we've made love to one of them And they're all identical

We're still not used to it We're jerking off, resets the pressure valve That's a mechanic that they're trying to Clumsily paw at The developers of this game thought That all men when they're horny Will stagger forward and fall down Having been deprived of blood

I think the implication is That Brad Stallings dick is so big I think he's gotten bit by a lot of snakes I think he doesn't have a lot of blood Right now But he does have a lot of poison A lot of venom I think that the developers think that

Actually one day seeing a naked woman You would be so overcome with horniness You would have to just make love to her constantly Or you would lose your mind to the penis blood I think that's what they're saying The penis blood would take over the brain blood I think that's fair to say That's what real sex is

I'm not making a joke, I'm just saying Whoever made this game didn't fuck I think that's the one and only thing We've definitively proved Is that nobody who ever fucked This game Before we go I would like to give you the solution

To this puzzle, direct from The walkthrough site Word for word This is how you solve the hivernia puzzle Go hivernia, unzip Go doorway Talk to any woman Jack off, go left door

Jack off, go right door Jack off, go left door Drop clothes, take clothes Screw Aisha Use clothes, go big thruster After sex, go doorway Jack off There's nothing so tragic as when the young die before the old

Here at hot dog space camp We know that all too well A moment of silence please With a late hot dog space class A hot dog space class 2023 Three finger Louis Aaron Crosston

Adrien H just wanted to see the stars Fuck We told her that's not how it works But she was the dreamer Aidan Mouette Alpha scientist Javo UnAndy Armando Nava worked hard, hardied harder

And they say Died the hardest Benjamin Cironan Vim Talso Brandon Garlo Brian Saylor was the first to suggest They steal a real rocket But we're trying not to place blame here

Brienne Whitney Brockway loves the meat hilly Still does Barry Tumac Sarah was the one who actually stole the rocket And it's his fault Chad Chance McDermott

Sprower Curious glare just wanted to smell space Devin the rogue supreme Dean Costello Donald Finney Will never forget your tragic last words Ghost ride the whip Eric Spalding

Fancy shark Jellaho deserved better Than to be torn apart by space apes But he did bring those apes up there Greg Cunningham Rambo Haraka Harvey Penguini's parents are suing the school

We understand they're hurt But exploded by Asteroid Is a pretty classic act of God Pot Fart Jaber Al-Aden died how he lived On the moon Jeff Haraski We've lost

Every one of our precious Johns John Dean's family asked us to say May he rest in the peace In life John Hector McFarlane's family asked us to say May he rest in war John McCammon's family asked us to say May the bastard find no rest

John Minkoff's family Chased us off their property With a thresher Johnny no fun was Ironically too much fun It turns out space is not the ultimate Bond cooler Joseph Searls will never forget your

Tragic last words Your own name Yelled from a saddle tied to a booster rocket Now It may not hurt as badly as losing the Johns but we lost all of our Josh's too Josh Fabian We hope you finally found Alph

Joshua Alph Graves If only the two of you had met in life Josh S. We hardly knew ye Nobody could even find a picture Leading theories say you were an urban legend Ken Paisley

K&M M.Jahi Chapelle Mack Miserable Matt Riley when you enrolled you told us You wanted to die naked on a comet We laughed At the time Max Baroy

Michael Lair Michael Wells Now the school is suing Mickey Lohman's family For defamation we are not A school full of buttholes who teach kids How to get down Mike Stiles Moju

N.D. Neal Bailey Neal Schaefer will miss your laughter most of all It went like this War, war, war War Like a horny walrus choking on a Smaller walrus is wild

It's crazy stuff Nekka104 Nick Ralston Ozzy Olin Patrick Herbst You asked in every class what would happen If you stuck it in the lunar rover What was the answer, Patrick?

Rachel Rainbargis Rhiannon Sarkovsky Sean Chase is the one who started The deadly rumor that Huffing Space got you high Spotty reception Supernaught had a theory that

In zero gravity A fart could propel you forever It's still going as far as we know Ted H Thomas Kovatsos Timmy Lehi overdosed On freeze-dried ice cream You can only eat four of those in a lifetime, you know

Toasty God Tom Sikula Tommy G Wayland Russell Yossarian Yannis Ionitis You were our best, our brightest The live feed showed you weren't that way, too

Dr. Awkward, all of your instructors Said it was impossible to do a kickflip In space. They said you'd never Land it without gravity I guess? I guess the joke's on them Cause you're kickflippin' forever now